#lots and lots of gender euphoria

[canis-lunaris]

So about a forever ago I accidentally realised I was trans while watching a Marauders fan video by my partner's cousin's cosplay troup.

Inspired by the experience, I took up cosplaying and immersive roleplay as a means of exploring my identity and recovering from some nasty trauma. The above pictures are some of my early days, wearing a wig and outfits I didn't quite possess the confidence to pull off out of character yet.

But still, I love looking back on these pics, because the cocky poses and sultry looks of my normally awkward, newly-out self (put on as they may have been back then), clearly foreshadow the trajectory of my mind's liberation. Back then, I didn't think I could, didn't think I was allowed to look and feel as cool as I did when I was someone else, to be campy and cringe without shame, to grow my hair out, cover myself in home-made tattoos and dress like the hero of a teen vampire flick, just because I wanted to.

Sufficie to say, I was wrong.

So here we are, an eternity plus 18 months of HRT later. I'm firmly in my 30's, living my best life. I'm on full-time disability, which allows me to teach myself tattooing and other things I've always wanted to learn but thought I had no chance to do... I bought myself a crappy old scooter I can ride without a license, and pretend it's a motorcycle. I have a home and a family that loves and accepts me, just the way I am. I have a brilliant therapist who taught me that there is no such thing as being 'broken beyond repair'. Life is good.

Oh, and just for fun, here's the comparison strip to bring this rambling the full circle... This is me today. Not posing for a character shoot, just looking the way I like to these days.

[boneinator]

*holds my hand out like a poor English boy* Please Mr… could I get a dead end job doodle?

They're so cutes ,,,

(reblogs > likes !!)

[a-thread-of-green]

On Being an Accursed Being

Mirrors shall torment you with torturous visions.

Nobody will shun you, but you shall flee and hide as though they do.

Your body shall be broken and bloated by sudden, terrible, permanent mutations.

You shall not know your own name, and so you must call yourself by a vulgar and hateful word in its place.

Should you begin to understand the nature of your curse, your mind shall tear itself asunder in fear and shame.

On Being an Emergent Being

You shall learn the mirror's tricks and coax pleasing visions from it.

You shall be shunned by some and beloved by others, but you will no longer flee.

Your body shall bud and blossom into a lovelier creature than you could ever have imagined.

Your name shall be revealed, and you shall claim it with pride.

On Being a Blessed Being

I cannot say. I have not yet become one.

[toc-the-elder]

My god I have been emotional today. Super sad crying over nothing and happy crying because I love my body? This is some HRT shit. Urgh.

[thedo0zyslider]

here's all the moments hinting that am!Jimmy was trans before it got revealed. I was not trying to be subtle at all lmao

[violetgauze]

okay i can't believe i'm writing this but, as a trans guy, all of you being very enthusiastic about con o'neill & rhys darby's tits has somehow let me feel comfortable enough with my own chest that i feel like i can actually take my top off & have it be somewhat gender euphoric at times. so thanks i guess 👍🏳️‍⚧

[twothirdsgenius]

look i know it’s just a slutty nun costume from spirit halloween but that face journey he has in front of the mirror where you can see the initial awkwardness and apprehension melt into acceptance and then he’s just so happy and i’m having soooo many thoughts

[l48yr1nth]

i want to draw so many things i think i am coming back

[lunar-wandering]

funniest part of my gender tbh is that sometimes i'll be laying around and just have the thought "holy shit am i a guy right now??? wait. wait. hold on. oh my god i am."

[existencebringsonlypain]

I go by she/her because that's what I'm used to, but gender isn't really something that important or meaningful to me personally. I use they/them when referring to myself, but I have no problem with others using any other pronouns (though I'm not used to neopronouns, so perhaps not those).

this could probably be referred to as agender.

which means...

I am a 𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗨𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗔 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗬

[sevenriddles]

herms…. something that i think about is what the amazing digital circus designs could mean in terms of who the characters were when human. Like the way Pomni looks at herself in mirror i didn’t really know how to interpret, could be utter horror at not recognising yourself, could be a strange sense of belonging. Like do they feel like themselves with their ‘avatars’ or do they feel dissociated. I kinda hope it feels like themselves because the idea of kinger looking in the mirror and being like “yeah that’s the vibe” is so real.

[frikinnerd]

I love this dress and I adored the work my friend did on me when these were taken, so now here they are for you all to enjoy 🥰🥰🥰

[the-girl-from-dres]

Frens! Tumblrinas! Countrydudes! Lend me your ears!

For I must proclaim to thee:

Forsooth,

I do declare

Myself to be

A Demiboy!

[takami-takami]

Also I really genuinely want to start uploading onto Ao3 specifically for the purpose of having multiple chapters so I can regender each fic for inclusivity, but the main thing that's stopping me is that companies have been caught scraping Ao3 works to train AI writing bots, and if one of my works was fed to an AI I would be absolutely horrified.

My writing is very important to me; and when someone plagiarizes even a little bit, it really affects me badly. I cannot imagine how awful I would feel if it was permanently fed to some AI.

[book-casee]

I see a lot of Narinder artwork where they put him in modern clothes and it’s always something really cool like leather jackets with spikes or something, but I propose that we start giving him outfits straight outta Y2K scene goth culture because I’m gonna be fr that seems like something he’d wear a bit more than spiky biker jackets.

Side Note: Can we also start putting Leshy in spiky biker jackets I think he’d like those

[roitaminnah]

mkay and the lineup I will post here . perhaps I will finish this one day but. for funsies. to see them all together