#as ive said before i have burnout most of the time but then will be able to draw for hours at a time every once in a while

[skitskatdacat63]

Aforementioned Napoleonic AU! Martian !! I said it would just be a wip but then oops, I basically finished it! Ty to everyone who was interested :D

Really really proud of these I'm ngl! I rendered in a really different way than ever before and I'm very satisfied with it :D

Ramble about historical influences(basically me being a nerd about who I consider the F1 drivers of the Napoleonic era):

So I wanted to explain my thought process because I think that the specific context behind the uniforms I drew is very relevant, as I didn't just pick them on a whim.

I drew them in Hussars' uniforms(Austrian Empire = Red Bull, but like obviously not 100% accurate because the uniform colors are based off the RBR racesuits.) Hussars are, in my opinion, the F1 drivers of their time. Let me quote several things that led me to this conclusion:

"During the Napoleonic period, hussars, as in all armies, were employed as scouts, given raiding missions or despatched to harry and pursue a defeated enemy on the run. Mounted on light, nimble horses..."

"...Their flamboyant costume and their reputation for daredevil acts..."

"...developed a romanticized image of being dashing and adventurous.

Okay....so they're dashing and adventurous, riding specifically on fast, light horses, dressed in flamboyant outfits committing daredevil acts...sir that is literally an F1 driver!!! Tell me they aren't the historical predecessor to F1 drivers!!!

I have this big book of Napoleonic uniforms(yea I'm a nerd) and I was paging through it to see what uniforms I wanted to draw(I have a habit of drawing my one oc in the Napoleonic era. So when I started drawing fanart, I'm like of course I must draw them as this!) Austria's normal uniforms in this era are soooo boring compared to France's, so I was really 😒 about drawing them, but then I came across the Hussars, and then started noticing all these similarities and thought it was perfect. Also I need to mention the fact that Austria's royal cipher at the time was literally this:

IT'S "F1", IT IS LITERALLY FUCKING F1, WHAT THE HELLLLL!?!?!?!? I had like a partial mental crisis coming across this, at that point it was destiny for me to draw this

*I forgot to include actual ref images 😐, so here you go!!

*I wrote most of his around when I started this drawing, which was all the way back in April. And it's really interesting to consider now that I was basically immersed in the history of the Austrian Empire for a month. I apologize to everyone in my life who had to endure my lecture on why Hussars are the F1 drivers of their time. But god I could not hold it back when I saw some of these uniforms in person. And it was cool to pull out this drawing, even if it was just a wip, and be like "oh hey I've drawn these!!" Anyways, I digress.

Obviously the martian drawing is a direct reference to this pic from Malaysia 2010:

My thoughts on this picture:

I almost wanted to draw Seb in the Austrian Kaiser's outfit, but it is nowhere near as slay as the Hussar uniform, so Hussar uniform it is!

I have many thoughts and opinions on the lore of this au so pls ask if you're curious but it's also just a lot.

[barbatusart]

Do you have a recommendation for a specific book of your work for folks who showed up for your Bg3 stuff? (Also if you read the parts out of order would that be an issue?)

welcome aboard!!! thank you so much for checking my bg3 stuff out, it's a pleasure to have you

as i said in my other post over here, im predominantly an extreme horror artist! i 100% decline to call myself an eroguro artist because personally i dont find the kind of gore & horror i do particularly erotic, but im super fascinated with the horrors of the body & the darkness of the general human experience, so thats the kind of stuff i tend to make. it isnt the worst most heinous Ever you'll find out there, but im fully aware that it's A Lot, so everything i make with @meanbossart is thoroughly warned for so nobody goes into our body of work unaware & gets a nasty shock.

bg3 in particular goes some pretty dark routes (some bits in a dark urge run even made me kinda reel back and go "jesus"), so id say for people coming in from bg3 your mileage may heavily vary. if torture & really extreme body horror doesnt bother you, you may be OK with SAD SACK (sus.space/sadsack) and its current wip sequel SORTIE (sus.space/sortie), but i would still recommend reading each book's individual content warnings thoroughly before choosing to spend any money. (everything is paywalled to further deter minors.) if you're on the fence about how much horror content is too much for you, or if you're curious about these titles but find the content warnings to be concerning, my DMs on tumblr+twitter and my IMs are always open if you have any questions about particular CWs or even need specific page numbers so you can either skip that bit of gore or be informed enough to approach the page number(s), take a Deep breath, and proceed when youre ready! for these 2 titles in particular, unfortunately they do have a linear story, so to fully grasp what's going on requires reading the books in order. again if it's something youre curious to the point of wanting to try but on the fence about, i am always welcoming of inquiring DMs to help make the experience thrilling + chilling but Not genuinely upsetting.

if you're OK with a little violence and body horror but not as splatterfest as these titles, im currently chipping away at the preliminaries for my giant project LOVOS4017 (lovos4017.the-comic.org) which is a love letter to TNG scifi and 80s cyberpunk anime. im currently on pause with the roughs since last year due to COVID frontline burnout, but ive by no means abandoned it; this IP is my baby that ive been workshopping the show bible for for over a decade & i want to see it through to the end B)

finally if you would like to read our work but want to avoid gore and extreme violence entirely, we do have some stuff that is violence-free! POOPPIX@YAHOO.COM (suscomics.itch.io/pooppix) is a comic with a really bonkers premise but no violence and no visible onscreen poop i promise about finding genuine human connection over unusual shared interests on the internet. ATTACK DOG (suscomics.itch.io/attackdog) is also a short solo comic i did myself about sex, quasi-submission fetish, & the requirements of true love (theres some mild gooey body weirdness but no gore i promise)

overall i thank you for showing interest in what @meanbossart & i do! we tend towards strange & unusual premises and presentations, but i hope that you find something within our body of work that entertains you. if you every have any questions about anything, please please please feel free to DM me at any time; my goal in life is to entertain & provoke thought!

[bloodyknucklesforme]

remember how I said I wanted to do an AU where Johnny survives MWIII but is in a coma and Nina has to take care of him? Here's a random snippet

Nina drummed her fingers against the desk, staring hard at the question on her computer screen. It was only a practice test but her anxiety shot up with each question. It seemed dumb really considering everything.

"You don't happen to know the answer do you?" she asked, turning to look at Johnny. It had been three months since the 'accident', which was the only way she could refer to it, and he'd been unconscious since then. She'd done her best to keep his hair the way he liked it but it had gotten a little long as of late. Even with the weight loss she wasn't strong enough to hold him up long enough to cut it. Same with bathing but that required even more movements. That's why Kyle was on his way over.

She got through three more questions before Kyle knocked on the door. She'd given him a key but he still knocked before coming into the flat.

"Hey, love. How are you doing?" He pulled her into a hug as soon as the door shut. "You eat today?"

He had a bag of takeaway in his hand, just in case. She'd lost weight too.

"I did actually. I made a chicken salad," she assured, taking the bag away and putting it in the kitchen. "Thank you, though. We can eat after Johnny's bath."

"You know how eager I am to get to that." Kyle chuckled.

Nina entered the bedroom first. It wasn't really a bedroom anymore. Their bed had been replaced with a hospital bed. IVs, heart rate monitors and other devices crowded around him instead of the usual pillows and plushes.

"Johnny, Kyle's here to see you." She'd been told it was good to keep talking to him, let him know who was in the room.

"Hey mate, still sleeping?" Kyle sat in the spare chair next to the bed, he squeezed Johnny's hand. "If you don't wake up soon, I might have to steal your girl. Don't mean any disrespect but she did convince me to come over to help bathe you so she might already have me wrapped around her finger."

Nina laughed and rolled her eyes as she logged out of the practice test.

"How's studying going?"

"Okay," she shrugged.

"I do have this weird rash if you could take a look?" He jokingly started pulling up the side of his shirt. "If you're going to be a nurse, I will take advantage."

Nina waved him off, giggling.

"It is impressive, what you're doing." A look of earnestness coming over his face. "Minus the whole coma, he's pretty lucky to have you."

"It's a vegetative state." She corrected. "He has involuntary muscle movements and his eyes move a bit during painful stimuli."

"You have been studying."

"It's a little funny that the method used to determine how severe his condition is is called the Glasgow Coma Scale."

"Doesn't surprise me that's where they'd do the most research to head trauma."

"If he can hear you, he'd be very offended."

"I'm about to wash his arse. He can piss off."

"I just need you to hold him up. I'll wash his arse."

"You really are an angel."

Kyle was a good helper, it was the solider in him. He took every order of hers without question. Didn't bring up how she would steal kisses against Johnny's skin as she finished each section. He talked to Johnny, cracking jokes and letting him know recent football scores.

She couldn't say that it had gotten easier caring for Johnny. She had help, a nurse came to change his IVs, catheter and feeding tube. She was only taking the nursing classes so she could do it on her own. Simon and Kyle had warned her about burnout, offering to watch him so she could sleep or even just leave the flat for a walk. His mum and sister came down twice a month or more.

It just ate at her, that something would happen if she dared to cross the threshold. He had improved, albeit slowly but that could change any time. The brain was just a fickle thing. If he took a turn for the worse, she wanted to be there.

She never told anyone but some nights she curl up between his legs and rest her head on his thigh, a hand rubbing across his stomach. She hoped he knew she was there. That she hadn't left him. She would wait for him. If he woke up tomorrow she'd be the first person he saw.

"You ready to cut his hair, now?" Kyle asked. They were both sweaty and a little tired. She looked at Johnny. His hair did look strange with the over grown mohawk and fuzzy sides. She did like how his hair curled a little. He did need a shave but she could do that on her own.

"I think it's okay for now," She ran her hand over his forehead. "Let's eat."

Kyle had picked up Greek. They ate with the bedroom with Johnny. They had a football match playing on the telly. It felt almost normal.

"You're doing a good job." Kyle kissed the top of her head, having pulled her into another hug by the door. "If you need anything. Call me. And I'm begging you to at least sleep on the couch instead of that cot. Can't do much if your back is fucked."

"I'll try. Thank you Kyle." She missed being held like this. "I love you."

"Love you too." He gave her another quick kiss on the crown of her head before heading off.

Back in the bedroom she turned on some of Johnny's favorite music and opened her lap top to continue her test.

[cheolhub]

ok things i need to address regarding the birthday bash event, fics and myself for any of u who are wondering what the fuck is going on here🤓

so i’m still on a writing hiatus (for now), but im gonna resume all other event asks since i have more time and school hasn’t been stressing me out as much. if you’re still waiting for your ship game/playlist/moodboard, i am so deeply sorry for being flakey, but DONT WORRY. i’m getting to it. i will die before not finishing the event.

as for writing, i’m easing back into it?? i’m taking a break from the event drabbles and re-focusing on writing fics with more plot while recovering from extreme burnout (note to self: do not write 4 cheol fics in a week ever again.) i just need a little more time, but i will post something eventually (most definitely will be a vernon fic bc that’s what ive been slowly working on)

as for sar (cheolhub), i am probably the happiest ive been in awhile (4 months, but who is counting 🤗) that said, ill be more active but if i go days (or a week) without posting some BS, i’m most likely fine, just busy bc of my upcoming graduation and holiday season at work so don’t fret 🫶🏽

[mr-entj]

Hi Mr. ENTJ! Long time follower here :) I’m an INFJ woman who currently works in tech. I wanted to ask for your advice on how to handle burnout and your advice on my situation.

I’ve realized that the tech layoffs and also being a contractor in this environment have all led me to become extremely burnt out. Im still relatively new to my career, but I feel like I’ve pushed myself so hard these past few years because I hoped it would lead me to becoming an FTE. When I first got hired, I was told I would most likely get converted and that it was almost a guarantee. However, things have changed due to the macroeconomic environment, and I feel bamboozled and betrayed. Ive lost enjoyment in my day to day life, and I feel that I’m pushing myself so hard and repressing my feelings because of my fear of the alternative: feeling helpless and being jobless

I have enough savings for a year, and a part of me wants to just quit my job to travel, rest, and rejuvenate. The logical part of my brain says I should stay in my job for the financial and career stability. However, the emotional part of my brain is realizing that this is not sustainable for me. Thank you, and I hope you, INTJ, and Kobe are doing well.

Hey there, thanks for supporting the blog.

To start, you have a right to be pissed off because contractor to FTE conversions are often dangled in front of contractors to keep them motivated even when the company knows it's an unlikely outcome. It doesn't financially make sense most of the time to convert contractors to FTEs because it increases costs (benefits, taxes, severance, PTO, etc.), it decreases staffing flexibility (ease of layoffs, ease of swapping out resources, etc.), and it increases effort (performance management).

With that said, not getting converted isn't the end of the world, it's just a minor setback due to economic circumstances. Tech isn't crashing (i.e. it's not failing-- it's still making an obscene amount of money), it's just correcting for overhiring in 2021 and once the situation stabilizes you'll be in a much better position with the experience you've accumulated than someone who has no tech experience. You also still have a job, a paycheck, and financial security which is more than many people in this world can say.

Consider also a third option: use the skills, experience, and network you currently have to apply to many new jobs. Start with less desirable companies first as practice interviewing, then work your way up to more desirable companies once you've had enough practice. Target only full-time roles. This resource post I wrote a few years ago and the following tags have more: #job hunting and #career. Once you secure an offer, push the start date out and a vacation in between.

I don't know your exact financial situation so I can't advise if quitting your job without anything new lined up is a wise choice, but it's something that I'd never do. Keep in mind that hiring bias exists and that unemployed people have a tougher time finding a job than employed people whether it's due to voluntarily quitting, being laid off, raising a baby, or another reasons. It may be difficult to return to the workforce after your sabbatical especially if you don't have many years of experience and an extensive network to help you.

In the short term, I'd try the third outcome first and see what offers come your way. Ease up at work (without dropping any balls) and focus on your wellbeing. The worst they can do is fire you and you're already applying externally with a year's worth of savings as a cushion.

In the long term, hold companies to their promises and advocate harder for yourself. If they promise a conversion or a promotion or whatever, then demand a timeline and get it in writing. If not, leave situations when they no longer benefit you before they become so intolerable that you burn out. Burnout is like an empty gas tank in a car. There are many warning signs long before that happens-- heed them and course correct.

[hyunjinspark]

Hi Jade, this is Ciel ~ How are you doing, dear?

I hope adressing you by your name isn't uncomfortable for you. It's been quite some time since I sent my message, right? I don't always read every ask, since I mainly go on tumblr past midnight, reading helps me fall asleep. But I do read some of them, and I'm overjoyed to see so many people enjoy your writing. It is, indeed, quite the find among the sea on tumblr (not to lesser anyone else's work!).

I'm sure I told you already how I find your way with words so enchanting. It's always a pleasure for me to read you, one day, I even went back and reread everything of Only Fools. I know I am not most interactive reader, I apologize for that, but do be sure I always pay attention to your updates. As of now, I've read part 12 thrice, and will read it one last time before the next chapter comes out. I love every details and how diligent to your book you are. Even with angst, I feel a certain warmth and comfort while reading. Once again, I find your words and feelings pure in your chapters, and the love you express for Hyunjin is enamoring in itself, as we can feel how much attention and care you have for him behind those words. The way you characterise him is beautiful. I'll lay down my words for part 12 in a reblog, soon enough, after a fourth read!

Now, my thought on deadlines. I demand, stop apologizing, and don't force a deadline on yourself. We, as readers, only want your well-being first and foremost. We enjoy your work, because you enjoy writing it; it's when you pass your emotions and thoughts to us that we enjoy it the most, even if we have to wait a long, it doesn't matter. Waiting is part of the game; I believe the more fidgety we get to know what's coming next, the more we are to feel ecstatic all throughout the reading. It even sparks the need to go back to it numerous times, you can't grasp every details in one.

As well, I want to share on university. I'm on a year-break right now, after three years of attendance, I know how it gets, even if our educational systems are quite different. What I can say is, try to stay healthy, if you feel burnout take a step back, and don't force work on yourself, sometimes going back to it later is worth more and easier.

I'm unsure I've said everything I wanted to, but the main ideas are here. Take care of yourself, once again, waiting is part of the deal, and we are happier knowing you're doing well, instead of trying to do so much at once and stress yourself. I hope my words don't seem too uptight, I believe a wonderful writer deserves charming words as well. As well, english isn't my first language, and I may lack vocabulary to make it shine the way I'd like to.

Oh, one last thing! Last time, I forgot to ask to be added to the taglist, if you kindly will, I'd love to be notified too. As much as I love the suspense when I hop on tumblr and find a new chapter for any fanfic I follow, the fear of missing one is also there!

With care,

Ciel

oh my god ciel, you always make my day with your messages !! this ask is so sweet and i love you. its been quiet a while since ive seen you around and i missed you, im so glad people enjoy my writing too 🥺

you’ve read it thrice ? thank you 😭 for dedicating so much time to my story and im very glad i can make you feel warm even amongst the angst.

thank you so so much, i feel like this reply is just gonna be me saying thank you, but thank you for thinking the way i write and view hyun is enamouring. creating his character has honestly been so fun and exploring that personality is so comforting. i can’t wait for your thoughts on part 12!

and honestly, im used to this kind of university sustem since i had it in my undergraduate as well and usually was able to balance my life, uni and other things but everything is so much harder now since every art project we produce has to be a certain level 😫 i know what you mean about burnout, and im wary of that definitely because for studying art i feel like i have to stay inspired all the time to produce good projects, and then keep that inspiration throughout everything. it can definitely be stressful.

you’re so kind, don’t worry that doesn’t sound uptight at all. its very caring of you and im genuinely surprised you care so much☹️ take care ciel, and i’ll definitely add you to the taglist !

[taegularities]

RID 🫶🫶 HOW ARE YOU???

i hope you are having an AMAZING DAY! ❤️ the weather here is so good, im so happy :)

okay SUPER long tea alert; my friends recently peer pressured (not rlly) me into downloading tinder 🤭 ive always been pretty against tinder bc i wanna meet my soulmate irl and ppl on tinder tend to be pretty thirsty (not all, but most) 🤷‍♀️

but anyways, I FEEL CONFLICTED!! this one (who is so incredibly hot may i add 🤭) started texting me and oh god, hes so smooth. he teases a little and we haven't been texting long but he asked me out on a date for next friday! BUT THEN!!! this other guy, who is def more sweeter, also asked to get coffee with me this week. i said yes to both but idk I FEEL GUILTY! 🧍‍♀️ im a loyal girl and i keep having to remind myself that im single and dating like this okay... but idk it just feels strange? im sure im overthinking it, but god im nervous!!

also ive never been on an official date before (which makes this more nerve wracking😔) ive been on like "dates" but nothing where the guy intentionally says that he wants to take me out on a date 🧍‍♀️the last time i was about to go on a date, the man pretty much cancelled and never rescheduled, so i feel nervous even being excited about it bc what if they cancel?? (im def overthinking, i genuinely cant help it 💀)

but anyways, thats my current dilemma, any advice would help!!! i hope you are well and PLEASE take ur time w cmi!!! 🙏 i saw a couple of asks of ppl asking u to rush or work on two chapters at once... please dont listen! thats where burnout comes from! take your time (i will literally wait 10 years for another chapter) 🫡

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️

BABE HELLO !!!! <3 i'm okay, just weirdly tired !! kinda glad uni is starting soon but also sad bc i won't be able to be here as much anymore 😔 but yes, the weather has gotten better here, too !! i saw the sun today 🥺

girl, the tea you just spilled has me dead 😭 okay listen, most important thing first: i was on tinder for over a year and the people on there are insane – some would fake their age, others would use someone else's pictures. i could dive into my strange ass tinder experience but 💀 next time lmaoo. but what i wanna say is – make sure those guys are who they say they are! and meet in a very public place, just in case... let someone know that you're on that date, just to be sure, okay??

BUT MOVING ON. LISTEN. two guys that you're vibing with? that's amazing 😭 it's absolutely okay to meet both, that's literally what tinder is for! if it makes you feel better, you could let the guys know that you've been meeting others, too, as friends/casually? but since you're not with any of them, it's fine to get to know people. you might even end up with new friends :D i honestly do hope though, that they don't cancel, reschedule or hurt you, or i'll start rolling up my sleeves lol

keep things casual for now! if any of them does end up cancelling, remember you're better than this 😌 and you might even find up someone better later! that's okay, dating apps are like that :') but seriously, don't feel guilty, go with the flow and have fun... and definitely lmk how things played out >:)

yesss, i'll take my time for sure! i just outlined that jk chapter, but i only work on it when i feel like it. i started rereading the series today to have a better overview of it, and got to our beloved chapter lights hehehe but yeah. definitely working at my own pace. thank you, babe. it'll be a ride <333

[nagdabbit]

LONG ANSWER, PLEASE. Come through callin' broke me and put me back together, I want to know EVERYTHING

yall are fast this morning! 💜

im sorry for how long and overshary this is gonna be

so, like, i really haven't been shy about talking about my mental health and shit, and especially how writing this fic kinda became part of my therapy, right? like it really became "how do i talk about burnout, this thing that i have no fucking words for because at no point in time have i ever let myself recover from it and have spent literal decades of my life letting it compound to the point that i have no idea whether or not ill ever be able to really heal?"

so this kinda came about in talking with my therapist about, like, how to move on and forward and start actually healing. and the fic definitely didn't end up a 1:1, cuz i still had to translate therapy into science fiction and romance. and obviously this is in no way a universal experience, this is just how my brain works. kay? kay.

the thing is i just get absolutely bogged down in the "this is whats happening and i need to stop it," not "this is what's happening to me and i need to start recovering from it." ive got a brain that likes to get extremely bogged down in the thing (burnout, depression, anxiety, etc) and not the broad causes of the thing (overworking, trauma, etc). i fixate on an unsolvable problem and don't allow myself enough room to actually think about myself as a person experiencing said problem—and therefore tend to ignore the limits of what i can actually take before i fall apart. i am absolutely the type to see a massive crack in the side of a dam and put a batman bandaid on it, thinking that'll fix it and it's safe to carry on business as usual.

preserving kayfabe and all that, in the lead up to revolution mox is getting terrorized by kenny, still missing his best friend who he's gone to war with, got betrayed by the bucks mid-match, oh were about to put on one of the most iconic gimmick matches of all time i hope it lives up to the unreasonable hype, etc. like, if wrestling were real life, i would need to lie down for a long time after all that. the start of the fic, we find mox in "i cannot fix this singular thing, so i have stopped trying" instead of "i am going to try and heal the things that caused this." cuz moxs life is now just sunday. saturday doesn't matter, only sunday. he's fixating on the thing, and not thinking about fixing what caused it.

cuz jeezy, and i cannot stress this enough, chreezy, it is nigh impossible to see the problem when you're in the middle of it. especially when you're isolated, by choice or circumstance.

i also struggle with asking for help in any kind of normal way. like, i with either bottle things up until they overflow, or i put way too much on another person with no real regard for what they can actually carry. and when that support system that i have piled on top of fails, i get angry a blame myself and everyone within reach and then cycle back around to the not talking about it with anyone, ever part. i am all for being selfish, humans need to be selfish, but not at the detriment of the health of the people they care about. it's a real fine line that i often forget exists until i cross it.

mox spends the fic placing too much on people who have no way to carry it all. once again, not exactly 1:1. there's a lot that he does, and conversations that are had, that would be so much healthier if the fic weren't, you know, a time loop. it's the "i am going to hang absolutely everything i have left on this sliver of hope that you have provided me" thats fucking him over. none of these people, no matter how well he explains it, are going to be able to fully understand what hes experiencing. and through no fault of their—or his—own are going to let him down. whether he admits it, or not. see: the final conversation with eddie at the end of chapter one. every conversation pervious has yielded no change in his circumstances (because he's not analyzing himself, so much as the space he's occupying) so he goes into that conversation angry and frustrated that eddie can't fix or fully understand this impossible thing.

a thing my therapist has tried very, very hard get me to understand in a very practical sense is that doing something that feels good is still healing. that thing that makes my bandaid-on-the-hoover-dam coping mechanisms not work is the amount of guilt ill throw at myself at the idea that im just ignoring the problem—which just adds more pressure trying to break through the dam.

mox spends this entire fic finding ways to feel better and heal emotionally, and then writing them off because they aren't the Big Bad. he noticeably feels better after talking to eddie and cooking with renee, but because those don't fix the issue, they don't matter. he chases those moments, and then feels guilty that he's found these moments of respite because he thinks he's not fixing the actual time loop part—even tho he very clearly is. he gets bogged down going after science and brain scans, not realizing that talking through those trials with renee is the part that's actually helping.

so the time loop finally breaks the day he gets up and says "i have decided to feel good today" and doesn't try and punish himself for it. the previous cycle to that, he still gets in his head about that guilt. another not 1:1 part, he has guilt of realizing that he's using this to break the cycle, and not because he wants his two people together.

that bit in the sessions where he was like, "i make a point to have my fake beer, and make it specifically a part of my routine, so i don't just accidentally forget and have a regular beer." that is, objectively, an extremely adhd fucking thing to say. do you know how often i accidentally buy grapefruit juice even tho i am on zoloft, and have been for years? that's also not a thing that simply happens in a physical sense, it can happen in an emotional one, too. to get back to the personal oversharing bit, decemeber of 2020, i got so excited to get a care package from my brother that for like ten minutes i forgot i had covid and that both my parents had died of it just weeks before. brains are stupid.

so, like, "i got so caught up in the euphoria of loving these people that i forgot i was trapped in an unknowable hellscape." it wasn't so much that he remembered that kept the cycle from breaking that day, it's the guilt of thinking he's ignoring his problem and then taking two steps backward. again. because thats kinda the theme of the fic.

the loops well and truly start to unravel when he sees them together in the kitchen and just goes fuck it. im gonna enjoy tonight and not punish myself for it. but it breaks when he gets up the next cycle and let's himself have it. the shadow of these loops is still there, and he knows it, and he acknowledges it to himself, but he's not feeling feeling guilty for letting go himself have a nice day.

and going back to the putting too much on people, it's that final conversation with eddie that really fixed it. there's a thing i kinda started to examine in an earlier fic i wrote, lamp-bright rind, about healing as a person so there's room for the people you care about, and not building yourself around those people. that people are people, not scaffolding, i guess. you can rely on people, but you can't build yourself in an image that will make them love you, cuz you're a person not a painting that's going to hang in the house of someone's life.

that last morning, he realizes that every conversation he's had, outside of renee (and even a couple of those), has been for his own gain in a way. like, he's spent so long talking about himself and his problems and what he needs, that he forgot that eddie is also living a life and that he always wants to hear about it. "i got so fucked up by groundhog day that i forgot that i care more about who you are than what you can do for me." brains. it happens. hell, speaking from experience here, i am old fucking hat at this revelation.

the "oh, hey, i love you and i love knowing about you, and i am extremely tired of not actually indulging this thing that i love, which is just having a no-strings conversation with you."

so, long therapy short, the thing that broke the loops was mox just letting himself have a healing moment without the guilt of doing so. letting himself go "hey, this feels nice and i am going to let it feel nice and accept this, and not feel bad about it." because that is recovery. that really is healing, and it's small and it can feel insignificant, but it is actually extremely fucking huge.

so.

i have no idea if that all is coherent or makes as much sense laid out as it did in the scrambled mess of my brain. but. that's the logic i kinda built this fic around.

anyway, my best friend refers to mox as their "emotional support wrestler" and i really have started to feel that. especially after reading his book and that most recent episode of renees pod.

is this healthy? i do not know or care, but my therapist gave me a gold star sticker, so it doesn't fucking matter.

thank you for letting me overshare my thought process

[jenniferswhor3]

the middle

masterlist obx masterlist

rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary || many secret adventures were taken during the time you and rafe were together. the both of you had always thought the thrill of running out together, doing fun shit, was exciting. keeping it from your friends though, that was getting more difficult by day.

warnings ||, mentions of drugs/alcohol/sex, makeout sesh, hickies, pet names (doll, sweetheart, baby), swearing

authors note || SORRY FOR SUCH DELAY IVE HAD MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK/BURNOUT anyways enjoy :)

previous | next

god, you loved the thrill of running around with rafe. sneaking off when nobody was looking, making out on the side of the mansion where nobody would look, giving secret glances across the room. it was all too exciting.

you had gone on multiple secret adventures. your favorite being when you snuck off to the mainland for 3 days. oh god, that was the most fun.

you went into fancy clothing shops, ask to try on clothes, and when you got to the dressing room all you would do is fuck in the dressing rooms. you would even go into stores and walk out with a completely different outfit.

when you guys would walk into stores or restaurants you'd use either a posh british accent or a country accent. it was the funniest thing you guys had ever done. you could easily tell employees were mad at you.

you had spent 3 days on the mainland, sleeping in hotels you didn't pay for, stealing clothes and food, and having sex everywhere, without any remorse.

it was the happiest you’ve felt in a while. it was only when you had to come back to the island is when you felt a bit sad. it’s not that you didn’t love sneaking around with rafe, you really did, it just sometimes you wish you could be out in public with him.

you knew your friends would shame you for dating the unstable kook prince living off daddy’s money. in all honesty, none of that mattered to you. all you saw was the boy who would do just about everything to make you happy. the boy who’d buy you a white rose every day because you thought white roses were prettier than red ones. the boy who learned how to cook your favorite meal when you were upset or sick.

your friends had always questioned why you were out so late and coming back disheveled. you always tried your best to cover the hickies on your chest but unbeknownst your friends had already see a couple of them before. today was unlike any other. more and more pestering and frankly, it was starting to get annoying.

you still had to pretend you didn’t like rafe in public, which pained you a bit. but you knew it was all fake, that you would go home and be with each other all night.

you took out your pad and pen and walked up to their table, “what can i get for you boys.”

rafe looked up from his friends, “the usual, doll. you know that.” you loved it when he called you doll but not in this instance, you had to hate it in front of his friends. speaking of them, they had laughed at the pet name he called you.

you rolled your eyes, “alright, anything else?” they shook their heads and you walked off.

20 minutes later, you had returned to their table with their drinks and sandwiches. rafe had a b.l.t on wheat bread, topper had a ham and cheese with lettuce, mayo, and mustard, and kelce had a turkey and cheese with lettuce and onions. you had memorized that order to a T.

“alright, what am i putting this on,” you started. “the usual?” you said in an almost mocking tone. mocking rafe from what he had said earlier.

“no, sweetheart. put in on this.” rafe takes out a small card and stole the pen from your apron pocket. you fake scoffed at him. you knew what he was doing.

he handed you the card. ‘my place when your done ;)’ it read. you hid your smile in front of his friends.

“alright, boys, have a good one.” and you walked away.

the rest of your shift was painstakingly slow. it was two hours of slow service. you hardly had any customers since you worked the closing shift today. you just couldn’t wait to get to rafe’s.

with your last customer exiting and hearing the sound of the bell on the door, you sighed in relief. you were finally done. you headed to the back room and clocked out, saying a quick bye to your coworkers.

you sent rafe a quick text saying you were on the way before pulling out of the restaurant.

after a quick 10 minute drive, you had finally arrived to your boyfriends house. rafe had mentioned that sarah was with john b so you could park close to the house.

“hi baby,” rafe says when he opens the door.

“mm, hi,” you lean in for a kiss.

once your lips met you couldn’t help the butterfly feeling that you always felt when you two kissed. it felt like forever since you had kissed last.

the kiss lasted longer than it probably should’ve. “we should probably stop before sarah sees,” you mumbled against his lips. sarah was now apart of the pogues and she was rafe’s brother. if she found out she would pester you so much about it. although, she would ultimately be supportive because it’s one of her friends and her brother.

the rest of the night went perfect. you cuddled, made cookies, even made out a bit. okay made out a ton.

his lips meshed perfectly with yours. he would gently squeeze your waist to elicit a moan out of you. during the slow moments of your make outs rafe would bite your bottom lip. it was one of your all time favorite things he did.

you would pull at the hair on the nape of his neck slightly and he would moan, causing you to moan in response. he always took his precious time kissing places that weren’t your lips. his favorite spot is a couple inches below your ear. the sweet noises you made whenever he’d kiss there was like music to your ears.

you often never thought about the consequences of your actions when you were with rafe. it was sort of a ‘yolo’ motto you followed. that’s why you had an interesting surprise when you went to the chateau.

rafe had dropped you off at home. you two said your goodbyes, which took longer than it should’ve. he kept asking for one more kiss, but one more turned into thirty more.

john b had given you a call asking if you wanted to come over and hang. of course you said yes. you pulled on a shirt that wasn’t rafe’s because it was obvious you were wearing his.

it was only a short drive from yours to john b so you didn’t bother playing music. jj spotted your car pull into john b’s driveway and shouted out to you. “hey! y/n’s here!” everyone ran up to you as you got out of the car and engulfed you in a group hug.

“it feels like forever since we last saw you!” kie said.

“it’s only been, what, four days? that’s not that long.” you shrugged.

“yeah, but we missed you,” jj dragged out the end of the you while throwing his arms around your neck from behind you.

unbeknownst to you, jj had a small crush on you. he thought he made it oblivious but you hadn't noticed.

today, it was just you and your pogue friends chilling, smoking, and eating pizza. you guys had been talking nonsense about the most random shit. it wasn't until john b asked you a very specific question.

"hey, y/n. what's on your neck?" he knew what it was, he wasn't stupid. as soon as those words left john b's mouth, jj's head perked right up. his eyes immediately darting to the hickey placed on your neck. shit, he thought.

everyone's heads turned in your direction. "what? nothing, i just burned myself this morning on my straightener," you said in a panicky tone.

"y/n," kie started, "you hair is curly." she had a smirk plastered right on her face.

"so who's the lucky guy, or girl, that gave you a hickey?" sarah chimes in with a big grin.

"no one. he's no one." you tried, desperately, to end this conversation.

"oh come on, don't think we haven't seen you with hickies before." sarah said with a smirk.

you didn't mean to blow up in their faces, you just knew if you told them you were seeing rafe they'd blow up in your face. you didn't want to feel judged by your best friends for dating their sworn enemy. "just stop, guys!" you lashed out.

everybody was taken back by your sudden outburst. "we're sorry, y/n. we didn't mean to make you upset." kiara said.

"yeah, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. sorry for bringing it up." john b added.

you sighed, "no, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to lash out."

it was silent for a couple more moments before jj spoke up, "here. you need this." he handed you his blunt, smile slightly visible on his face.

you looked at him and laughed, taking the blunt from your hand. soon everyone joined your laughter. the rest of the day went by smooth. so did the rest of the week, and the month. no one brought up your unexcused absences or the hickies peeking out from your shirt collar. life was finally starting to be perfect.

[thefanficmonster]

The Five Scares (and one revenge)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing 

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having a tendency to scare people, Corpse has gotten used to his friends being jumpy whenever he appears from the void into a Discord call with them. However, the one who has it the roughest with the spooks has to be his partner Y/N. Basically: The five times Corpse scared Y/N and the one time they scared him

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your lovely request it was a real joy to write and I had a ton of fun doing so! Hope you have equally as wonderful of a time if you happen to come across it and give it a read despite the long wait you’ve had to endure which I apologize for. Love, Vy ❤

I

Having had to go home for the night to keep an eye on their roommate’s dog, Y/N and Corpse agreed to have a video call before they fell asleep. They didn’t want to appear like that typical clingy and cheesy couple but after spending almost a whole week curled up in Corpse’s apartment, the two would feel each other’s absence to a very saddening degree to the point where they’d even forget the other isn’t around and would call out to them. 

Letting the call ring, Y/N’s hand comes up to smooth out their hair. However, the touch reveals to them that their hair needs a bit more than a simple tap or a pat to be tamed so while they wait for Corpse to answer the call, they quickly head to their bathroom. Flicking the light on, their reflection greets them with the underwhelming news of the actual state of their hair at the moment: an absolute mess. They proceed to do their best with the single hair-tie they have handy. A bobby pin or two would be neat but they have no time to go and grab one right now, seeing as how they can’t recall if they even brought them back from Corpse’s apartment. If they didn’t, they would have to search their roommate’s room for some which would take an even longer amount of time.

Eventually, they manage to tame it in something closely resembling a presentable ponytail and exit the bathroom feeling more exhausted than before. With a loud sigh, they crash onto their bed, face-first into the sea of pillows, groaning at the slight sting of their muscles relaxing at last.

“Y/N?“ The decently loud mention of their name by a deep, familiar yet sudden and unexpected voice startles them to the point of squealing and jumping an entire inch away from where they were positioned.

They look around their room in a frenzy, wondering where on Earth that voice came from and how it could be here with them right now.

“Y/N, you there?”, before they could locate it, it emerges once again, helping Y/N get an ide of where it’s coming from - somewhere in the messed up bed sheets.

“Corpse?“ They finally find their voice, “Y-yeah I’m here. Question is: how are you...“ and then it all clicks, causing them to twist their face in an expression of utter disappointment and bury it in the palms of their hands, groaning.

“You forgot about the video chat, didn’t you?“ Corpse asks, amusement not even attempted to be hidden in his voice.

“Yup.“

II

It’s been one hell of a day. Y/N’s college lectures exhausted them to a max and their six hour job following their classes did nothing to help them AT ALL. Quite the opposite actually. Makes sense why they look, move and talk the way they’re doing right now: like a ghost, zombie and an elder combined in one. To add to their misfortunes for the day, they were met with the mocking ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign taped to the doors of the elevator, laughing in their face with the information that their hellish experience for the day is far from over.

Just the thought of having to climb to the fifth floor made their stomach turn in the most unpleasant way possible, but the though of how long that would take made matters even worse. Arriving at their designated apartment, they have every right to be pissed, cussing their heart out. 

However, then comes a new problem: the inability to pinpoint the correct key. They proceed to curse themselves, the keys, the door handle and the door itself before punching the poor wood that did no wrong and just stands here, serving its purpose of keeping unwanted people out of the apartment it’s guarding.

Following their anger outburst and front-door-abuse, they proceed to try finding the correct key once again, this time slightly more calmly as to not accidentally miss it in their frantic rifling.

Right as they’re about to try the third key, however, the door opens. Well, it’s opened by someone on the other side, that someone being none other than their boyfriend Corpse who’s currently staring at them wide-eyed, one eyebrow raised, the word ‘confused’ basically written across his face.

While he’s processing the sight in front of him, Y/N lets out a little scream, jumping back and away from the door, a hand placed over their chest as their wide eyes scan their boyfriend who now seems equally terrified as a result of their reaction.

“Corpse?!“ They manage to gasp, barely hearing their own voice over the loud thumping of their heart and the rush of blood in their ears, “What the hell are you doing here?!“

The confusion on Corpse’s face deepens, reaching whole new levels as his eyes gaze deeper into theirs, searching for the meaning behind their bizarre question. “You mean...at my own apartment? What am I doing, at home?“

For a few seconds, the two just stare blankly at one another, processing everything that’s just happened. Suddenly, it all just kinda caves for Y/N and they burst out laughing, doubling over, their arms clutching at their stomach as they do so. Their laughter is contagious, so Corpse can’t help but let out a few chuckles himself.

“Alright, you’ve been driven to insanity, I can tell.“ He mumbles at his reckless partner, coming up behind them and wraps his arms around them, lifting them up and carrying their laughing ass inside.

III

Finally deciding to sit down and get this damn project started, Y/N already feels like they’ve had enough of it, burnout already creeping in and threatening to ruin their work and trip them up every step of the way. It wouldn’t have been so bad had the subject not been one they absolutely despise and wish they could get out of studying but alas they’re stuck with it.

They equip their headphones as soon as they plant their butt on the desk chair in their tiny room in their tiny roommate-shared apartment, putting their Spotify playlist on shuffle as they open a blank Power Point document. They work better with music blasting in their ears since the silence tends to be too loud and distracting when they’re trying to focus. So, that way they can also sing their heart out in peace and not get disturbed by the sound of their own off-key singing. Win-win, basically.

Singing ‘Never Forget You’ by Zara Larsson and MNEK, they get a little carried away, ditching the project to enter a full-blown music video they can imagine down to the detail in their mind.

However, there’s a surprise awaiting them.

As soon as MNEK’s part of the song begins, another voice apart from his echoes through their headphones, singing along to the song. Freaking the fuck out, they let out a loud scream, smacking the headset off them, sending the object falling and landing on their laptop keyboard with a crash that only serves to further startle their roommate’s dog which comes to check if they are being attacked or something only to be disappointed by the lack of action.

When pushing the headphones off, they did so with a force strong enough to snap the cable out of the laptop entirely so now the room is filled with the sound of that same foreign voice laughing his ass off.

A voice that belongs to no other than Corpse Husband himself.

“You gotta learn to disconnect from Discord calls, Y/N.“ The fucker says, still cackling wholeheartedly at his partner’s misery.

Pissed off or not, Y/N would have to admit he’s got a point. But they’d also rather never speak again than admit it so...

“Fuck you!“ is what they say instead, seconds before disconnecting.

IV

Making breakfast is not something either Corpse or Y/N are used to, mostly cause they both either wake up late or skip the meal entirely. Regardless, having been given a day off from work and having no classes since it’s Saturday, Y/N saw no better way to start their day off than to prepare a nice breakfast for them and their boyfriend to enjoy. Problem is: they aren’t the most skilled in the kitchen. Sure they can scramble an egg or make mac and cheese, but in order to do it correctly they are not allowed to have distractions of any kind. Not even music, that’s how you know it’s serious.

Seeing as how Corpse has never seen them cook, he’s obviously unaware of theirs. The dummy straight up waltzes into the kitchen, unintentionally remaining unspotted and unheard by Y/N because he’s barefoot and because they have their back turned to him.

“Whatya cooking over there babe?“

Y/N’s focus bubble, being as thin as it is and considering they initially thought Corpse was still asleep, they have every right to let out the yelp they just did, dropping the egg they were gonna crack over the pan in said pan in its entirety - yes, shell and all.

A moment of silence commences: regretful on Corpse’s end and frustrated on theirs. Neither of them dares to say anything to avoid triggering the other. Well, that’s the case until Y/N decides enough’s enough and they turn to look at him, a wide, obviously fake smile plastered onto their face.

“Scrambled eggs, following a secret recipe, property of the L/N family.“

Seems like your pre-breakfast snack is an extra large dose of sarcasm, huh?

V

“So, how was your day? You sound pretty chipper so I take it wasn’t a nightmare like a few days ago.“ Corpse comments over the phone, listening to shuffling and shifting as Y/N moves around the apartment, getting ready to head out.

“It was great actually. Got some important results back and, not to brag or anything, but they were higher than I expected.“ They reply, a genuine wide grin refusing to leave their face as they silently count the amount of money they’ve got in their wallet. “I’m gonna go buy a cake so we can celebrate it. It’s no small deal, trust me, especially not when I initially thought I’d fail both these exams to the point of being pitied.“

“Wait...-“ Corpse attempts, his voice suddenly sounding strained and urgent but that’s the very reason he cannot seem to find or get the right words out of his system. Not that Y/N gives him any time to figure it out.

“No Corpse, you cannot change my mind. Cake and beers, we’re celebrating toni- SHIT!“ They scream as they throw open the front door, bumping square into someone standing on the other side, almost dropping their phone.

Taken aback by embarrassment and fear, they leap back, their eyes searching for the ones of the person whose personal space they just invaded. Well, to be fair, he was the one invading their personal space by standing right outside the door to their - well, to Corpse’s apartment.

The fear and irritation die down almost instantly when Y/N recognizes the person standing opposite them.

“Mind telling me why we’re talking on the phone when you could’ve come in and we could’ve had a normal person conversation?!“ They snap, ironically enough - they’re still holding the phone to their ear.

So is Corpse whos is smiling guiltily, “That’s why I called, I forgot my keys, but I got...carried...sorry.”

Well, at least this serves as proof Y/N’s not the only forgetful one.

                                                            ~  ~  ~

Corpse has been stuck in his recording room for four hours now, never stopping his stream to take care of his basic human needs such as eating or going to the bathroom. This behavior of his has Y/N worried sick and unable to focus on the task at hand - an assignment they’ve been trying to finish for two hours now, sitting with their computer on their lap and looking hopelessly at the blank Word document waiting for them to fill it up while they are waiting for it to start writing itself.

Seeing as how neither are gonna happen, not until Y/N puts their mind at ease, they slowly put the laptop aside, standing up to carefully skip on over to Corpse’s recording room to check on him, stopping by the kitchen to grab him a snack and a bottle of water along the way.

The door to the darkened room is open a crack, as usual, suggesting they can enter without knocking - this also means he’ll probably not hear them even if they knock so the whole gesture would be pointless. Not that Y/N has a tendency to knock or anything... Waltzing in, they find that the only light in the room is the very faint and dark glow of the computer screen which is displaying a dark and dingy room from a first-person view of the protagonist of whatever game Corpse’s currently playing.

“Corpse?!“ They whisper-yell/hiss at him, trying their best to grasp his attention without startling him - they don’t need to be told that the game is of the horror genre and the last thing they need is for their boyfriend to flip backwards and fall out of his chair because they scared the shit out of him. “Hey?!“

Neither attempts prove futile so, despite their best instincts telling them differently, they walk over to him and tap him on the shoulder. The reaction, while within the realm of expectancy, is a lot more startled than they expected, accompanied by a scream on top of all. They’d never heard him scream in fear before, it’s quite amusing if they’re being honest.

They suppress a snicker as Corpse’s wide open eyes meet their squinting ones in the darkness, “Y/N...babe...what is it? Is everything ok?”

Y/N rolls their eyes, “No, everything isn’t ok. Your unhealthy habit of forgetting to take care of yourself, for example.” They put the snack and the bottle on the his desk, giving him their best disappointed-parent look before turning on their heel to strut their way out of the room. However, just as they are about to make their exit, they stop right at the doorframe, giving their stunned one final glance over their shoulder with a smug smirk playing across their face, “Oh and by the way, that’s what I like to call revenge.” Just like that, they leave, pushing the door back into its previous position.

And boy, is it some sweet, sweet revenge.

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[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[dyketubbo]

when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

[arionawrites]

it’s been seven years since my sense of normalcy changed overnight. since i stayed home from school, assuming i had a cold or a mild stomach bug but just knowing i felt bad enough to not be able to handle my classes, and progressively got worse as the day went on. since my brain started to swell and my memories became askew, few and far between—i remember drinking juice, and thinking i was going to be sick but it never happening, and spilling water all over myself, and not being able to breathe normal, and my dad saying if i kept breathing like that then he was going to call an ambulance. i don’t remember him actually calling, or the paramedics who had to be waved down when they drove past our house.

i don’t remember the one EMT who recognized the signs immediately and asked my dad if he could test my blood sugar. i don’t remember that same guy giving me some of his own insulin, because they didn’t have any in the ambulance. even though i don’t remember it, though, i do know that without that dose of insulin, i wouldn’t have lived long enough to make it to the hospital.

i don’t remember the first day at the hospital, but that’s to be expected—i was in a coma, technically. i don’t remember the second day, either, even though i’ve been told a few different stories about things i said and did while awake. i don’t remember my baby sister, not even a year old at the time, wanting to climb into my hospital bed but not being allowed to because of all of my iv’s.

i do remember the third day—waking up to the nurse telling me she had eggs and toast for me to eat, and even though i have no memory of the first two days, i knew in that moment, like i still know now, that i hadn’t eaten the whole time. everything i had was given to me through iv’s, and i was hungry, and eggs and toast sounded amazing.

i remember walking a lap around the ICU. my legs were shaking and i felt so stupid because of it.

i remember being moved from the ICU to a regular hospital room. i remember my bed being directly under an air vent, making my throat dry and giving me a dry cough that didn’t go away until i was sent home a couple days later. i remember wondering why no one had come to visit me other than my parents (and my baby sister) and my grandma.

i remember finding out that my dad had chosen to not tell anyone that i was in the hospital and being mad about it because in the moment, being the one in the hospital bed, being the one who barely survived, having no one visit felt like no one cared.

i remember taking the changes in stride. i didn’t cry about it or put up a fight or argue or complain. i listened and i did what they said and i learned and i went home and i lived with it.

i went legally blind that same summer—acute onset diabetic cataracts. i missed the first day of school my sophomore year because i had my first surgery the day before. diabetic burnout followed soon after, because i did everything right and i followed all the steps and i listened and i learned and i still went blind over the course of a month. going blind is the scariest thing i remember going through, only because i don’t remember most of my diagnosis as a type one diabetic—which i suppose i can thank the brain swelling for.

i’m really, really tired.

i’m tired of having this, and knowing it’ll never go away, and always having to think about it and factor it into everything i do. it’s an illness. it’s a disability. it’s exhausting and it’s never ending.

usually, i try not to focus on the negatives—i can’t change it, so why bother? but it was seven years ago today that i was rushed to the hospital. it was seven years ago today that i was diagnosed and went into a coma and everything changed.

i was fourteen.

a third of my life has gone by as a diabetic. it feels like that third of my life has been taken from me.

[satoruvt]

for now; forever -- teaser

pairing → kwon soonyoung x reader

word count → 1316 (full fic is ~9k!!)

genre → mostly fluff? a solid amount of angst ↳ tags: ooh boy. firewatch au, banter, like a little bit (a lot) of pining, strangers to friends to... something, FLIRTING, reader’s kinda fucked up but its ok, hoshi’s weird and endearing (as always), a tiny bit of hurt/comfort, minghao best boy, soonyoung is very sweet it makes me want to cry

synopsis → after an unfortunate burnout that lands you in every critic’s negative and all-seeing eye, you decide to take a break from the one thing you know. you’re not sure if you’ll find what you’re looking for out in the middle of the woods - if you’re looking for anything at all - but at the very least, soonyoung will make the hunt a little less lonely. 

warnings → there’s eventually a forest fire that leads to an evacuation but it’s not super detailed, mentions and descriptions of creative burnout/breakdown

a/n → AHHHH!!!! so excited to finally tell yall abt this ive been working on it for about a month now <33 the teaser is just like an honestly solid section of the fic itself, so. idk yeah!!!! i’m very excited i loved working on this i still have some editing to go but the full thing will be out soon <333 hope you enjoy!! let me know what u thought!!!!

DAY ONE.

So. You’re… out here, now.

Save for the bugs you have to swat at every fifteen seconds, the outdoors don’t seem that bad. The weather isn’t too hot (yet, your mind reminds you) and there’s something about the color of the sky that makes your heart constrict in your chest. You can’t tell if it’s good or bad, but given your luck recently, you’re hoping it’s not a warning for the coming months - God knows you need a break. The weight of the journal in your bag feels heavier than any of the camping gear you brought with you.

You debate texting Minghao that you’ve made it to the park safely, but when you check your phone after deciding yes, you see the words no service instead of the familiar lines of a signal. It’s not that big of a deal - you’d told him when you left that you probably wouldn’t have service at all - but a little part of you feels the tender shake of anxiety at the thought of not being able to contact your best friend. 

He was the most worried out of everyone when you told him you were leaving for the summer. You can’t really blame him - it was abrupt, you saw the flyer at the grocery store and took it - but after what happened… doing something felt, feels, better than sitting around and waiting for nothing to happen. Waiting for a healing you aren’t sure will ever come, at least not completely.

“Is this really…” Minghao had started upon first entering your apartment after getting your text. Clothes were thrown all over your bedroom floor in an attempt to pack. “Do you need to do this?”

The tone of his voice told you he wasn’t going to try to stop you, that he just wanted to make sure this was what you needed, what was best for you. You had only nodded, sitting down on the edge of your bed to fold clothes and pack them into your suitcase.

“I just don’t want you to run away from it all,” Minghao said softly, sitting next to you. “You’ll need to face it eventually.”

“Is escaping really such a bad thing?” You asked, looking at Minghao. He gave you the look he did when you said something stupid, and if you weren’t still so wired from everything, you might have laughed. Instead, you sighed, placing a pair of pants into your suitcase. “I just need some time.”

Before you can face it, before you can come back, before you can write again… you still don’t know. Minghao had placed a kind hand on your shoulder to tell you there was no rush.

It’d taken no more than two days for you to get everything ready - including buying some apparently necessary survival equipment from Target. In a matter of a few hours you had gathered everything up, texted some other friends and your family that you might not be available the next few months and then… you left. 

(Your manager was pretty pissed off that you left so suddenly, but she was also pissed off at you when you told her you needed a break for at least a few weeks, so you’re not really offended.)

You take one last longing look at your car before locking it, pocketing the keys, and starting on your hike.

The hike takes almost the whole day. 

You think you almost cry when you finally see the watch tower you’re supposed to be staying in, your legs barely able to hold the rest of your body up. The hike wasn’t hard, really - long, though, and for someone who usually spends a work day sitting at a desk, you’re surprised you’re still alive. You find the little lock that holds the keys to the tower at the bottom of the stairs, fastened onto the railing. It takes a few seconds for you to enter the code you’d been given earlier, relishing in the soft breeze the cools the sweat on your face and neck. The sun is just barely starting to set beyond the mountains, a beautiful sight that you can’t properly focus on because all you want to do is pass out. You’re pretty sure you almost do on your way up the stairs.

The cabin at the top of the tower is pretty scarcely furnished, save for a few basic necessities (a gas stove rests on one wall, a small desk opposite to it by the door, a mini-fridge, and a bed in the corner plus what looks like a map table in the center of the room). It’s a little weird, a feeling caught between the nostalgia of moving into a new place and something you can’t quite name, but you figure you have a few months to make it all a little more comfortable.

For now, though, you feel like you’re on the last leg of your energy. Your mind is saying eat, sleep, eat, sleep on repeat and you have to agree with it, so you change the sheets on the bed, take down the boards over the windows while you wait for the macaroni from the Kraft box to cook. You end up eating a few forkfuls of poorly-made mac and cheese before crashing.

When you wake up, it’s to gentle static and a semi-clear, unfamiliar voice. It takes you a minute to remember where you are and what you’re doing, too disoriented to even think about the voice, but then - oh. Forest. Watch tower. Escape. Okay.

“Yo, Cottonwood! Am I coming through okay? Pick up your radio!”

Right. The voice. Radio?

“Come on, I saw you get in yesterday, I know you’re there. Unless,” a gasp, “you died! Oh my God, this is like a horror movie… and I’m next!”

You manage to wake up enough to locate your radio (a walkie-talkie resting on a charger on the desk) and, after a few seconds of gentle struggle, work it. “Not dead,” you say, then clear your throat because your voice does not sound good right after waking up. “I mean… almost. But not dead.”

There’s barely a moment of hesitation before the person on the other end hoots, apparently excited. “Arisen from the dead! Brought back to life by none other than the legendary Hoshi!”

A brief thought crosses your mind about having to listen to this guy all summer, but you quickly shoo it away. You won’t have to deal with it for the whole three months, right? “Who… who is Hoshi?”

“Me!” The voice answers, sounding a little too smug. “But it’s really just an alias. You can call me Soonyoung. I’m at Twin Peaks tower, west of yours!”

You spin around your cabin, looking through the windows cluelessly - how long have you been asleep, it’s practically afternoon - until you see a very small silhouette of another tower in the distance. You nod, then realize Soonyoung can’t see you. “Oh. Cool.”

“Aren’t you gonna tell me your name?” Soonyoung asks, but his tone is light, breezy. You blink, reciting your name to him in a daze. “Pretty! So, what brings you out here?”

You weren’t expecting that question. “What?”

Soonyoung giggles into the radio. “Everyone comes out here for some reason. Like… Jihoon says it’s ‘cause it helps him write music. And Joshua loves the outdoors, so… what’s your reason?”

“You…” you start, not exactly wanting to tell a stranger the reason you ran away from everything you know. “Do you normally ask this many questions?”

“Yeah!”

You feel yourself sigh, already tired again.

“I… just wanted to get away for a while,” you end up saying. A half-truth. “I live in the city.”

“No way,” Soonyoung gasps excitedly. “Me too! I wonder if both of us have ever been walking and, like, passed each other without knowing…”

This isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you thought of escaping.

[theawakenedstate]

Ive had many dates with self sabotage, I GET IT. No amount of process, crystal, strategy or system will change the results When your mind is literally slamming the breaks It can make you feel crazy Like you're doing all the right things But its still not working successfully It can make you feel like there's something wrong with you and not them It can make you freeze in your tracks when it comes to taking the action you're taking It can make the voice of fear loud in your mind to the point where its hard to make the right decision or choice so you don't make any To the point where its hard to hear yourself The voice of soul is drowned out by fear

We often glamorize our success with highlight reels and pretty pictures but what were not seeing is the many moments of healing, crying from defeat, Exhausted from trying to figure things out, The emotional burnout that captures you, Screaming when you're overwhelmed, The feeling that no matter what you do isn't enough right now and you press on anyway.

And instead we say "high vibe only"

Just keep thinking a new thought, now forgive that thought, But the sabotage repeats for a reason And the pattern repeats until you heal it And it will keep coming up Until you deal with it.

And what is even worse is when you don't even SEE it but you know something is missing, you know something is there and your dear universe letters just simply aren't cutting it anymore -

But once you find the thread, the whole thing unravels and it all makes sense again.

Sabotage is often the elephant in the room for many people

We think its a process, tool, crystal, lack of time, or strategy, but in reality it's ALWAYS you and your energy that matters most.

And its also your energy that is stopping you

And it's your energy that can free you from the cycle of deflecting your results, allowing in your manifestations and essentially healing self sabotage.

Because it LIVES in you, which means you always carry the ability to shift it.

Exploring the Heart Chakra is Truly where we heal the blocks that are stopping us from seeing clearly and become unstoppable in our ENERGETIC CONNECTION.

It's like a force, a moment to recognize our Heart chakra is either giving into the feeding of the illusions or It's in Resonance - Alignment - Harmony towards our deepest truth and desires.

It's time to awaken your Heart Chakra,

THERE ARE 48 HOURS LEFT

Join me for a 10 day adventure and exploration into the Heart Chakra,

In This Workshop, I want to share with you what i've been learning as it connects deeply into AWAKENING your Heart Chakra and it's connection to our Self-Worth & self-Love.

I want you to imagine what it would be like to really step into your unapologetic worthiness and potential

To Feel into Unblocking what is causing the sabotage in your life - and Realize you can Oblierate it with a flick of a switch

To Open your Mind and see the way Magnetism is influencing your Relationships whether romantic or career or business or family or any of it.

To Go deeper into what it means to really love yourself from the inside out and how this can consciously uplevel your own Magnetic Attraction Power.

Across all Areas of your Life

This is what the Heart Chakra is truly about, it is more than just a healing practice of self care bubble baths, and saying I love you in the mirror...

mmm we must go deeper - Deeper into the core of who you are,

I'm honestly not sure if I can teach things surface level, ever - it is never the answer - so why focus on it, when you can go deeper and deeper into the Quantum of Who you are and unleash your Magnetism with How you're Giving and Receiving through all energetic conversations you're having with life, with yourself, with every aspect of you -

It all begins in the Heart Space.

The Heart Chakra is the Bridge between the Spiritual Self and the Physical self, therefore when we learn to bridge the gap between the Heart space - We Begin Naturally Allowing in more Receiving as the connection to the Spiritual self and the physical self are now Free-flowing as ONE - aka Alignment 😉

So What does it mean to really tap in fully to this space?

It means going BEYOND the Healing and into the Empowement of the Heart Chakra Space - which honestly feels delicious

As the Heart Chakra unlocks our natural ability

To feel The Full Acceptance of Ourselves

To Love more deeper who we are and our spiritual self -

To Feel more Self-Empowered - What would that look like?

To BE more Encouraged, To keep dropping layers and layers of Ego, as you walk forward in more Confidence and Certainty

To Believe Deeper in yourself than ever before and allow yourself to be Self-Led

When we're in the energy of Self-Love - We don't even begin to realize there's a CASCADE, a RIVER FLOOD of Unapologetic Receiving, Upgrading and unleashing as we continously drop ego, drop the noise, drop all the heaviness we are carrying to the point where it begins to UNLEASH, ooze out of you LOL and basically

The Flood gates are now open as abundance, receiving, knowledge, insight, solutions, creative epiphanies to your problems suddenly become available - because you finally got it - you finally stepping through and leaped

You finally said yes I am available for this because I love myself and I Accept myself fully -

Therefore the cascade opens and Floods of Truth come pouring out of you as you open up

To Unapologetic Receiving.

Or you can continue to feed the bullshit that is stopping you and sabotaging you...

I know because i did it repeatedly lol Until I got it...and I continue to apply it,

It's always only a choice away -

HEART AWAKENING LIVE WORK SHOP

Step into Love, Own your Worth and Expand Your Receiving capacity

>>> Heart Awakening Live 10 Day Workshop >>>

We Start June 28th!

Enrollment closes June 27th

___

THE DETAILS:

how it is going down:

10 Day Workshop Experience. Official Live Trainings in real time - New Material channeled from Soul 5 Video Trainings 5 soul Work implementation:audio, video, workbooks, meditation, etc. Support group. BONUS: Ultimate Heart Chaka bundle

And For FREE you Receive immediate Access to the Bonus Bundle: The Ultimate Heart Chakra Bundle

This is literally Receive Lessons from Both Empower the Chakras and Daily Habits, Daily Flow with the Chakras - Bundled together for an Empowered Foundational Lesson on the Heart Chakra to guide you in Healing & empowerment.

On Top of everything we're doing, you will receive my Empower the Heart Chakra Habits & Guidebook for healing the heart space with daily tools, action steps & prompts completely for FREE as an extra foundational bonus for joining.

Some of what we're covering:

This work will help you: Heal Self-sabotaging habits that are keeping you stuck and unconsciously blocked

Heal Relationships: toxic or imbalanced that are keeping you in imbalanced dynamics that aren't serving you: either people pleasing, overgiver under receiving, unhealthy relationship dynamics, attachments,

Understanding your Magnetism like WOAH - Why is it some people get manifesting and others are freaking out about how it never works? Let's clear this up - This can connect to Love Attraction, client attraction, Receiving, abundance, um your entire life.

Going into Deeper Quantum concepts like - Giving and Receiving through Energetics & magnetism, what does it really mean to understanding the Mirror Concept.  

And of Course we also work on Healing & Empower the Heart Chakra Space through Mind body healing, Magnetism, Embodiment and Reprogramming.

Plus this is priced way, way low, you'd be crazy not to miss this one.

If you're feeling the vibe,

Join me Below:

>>> Heart Awakening Live 10 Day Workshop >>> https://theawakeningschool.thinkific.com/courses/heart-awakening

You have 48 hours left to join us before we go live, We Start June 28th!

Enrollment closes June 27th

[fucktexas]

5 years of Fuck Texas - Coming to an end

fuck texas turns 5 very soon, and, well, i dont think it needs to go much further than that, to be honest. this may come as a shock to you, or you may have expected this completely. i’m not your dad, i have no idea what goes on in your mind. maybe your dad doesn’t either. i digress.

ive... never been good with goodbyes, to be quite honest. hate burning my bridges, i suppose. i also struggle with a deep, DEEP sense of nostalgia for a lot of things i spend my time doing online. well, i suppose i should put one of those things im quite fond for nostalgically to bed.

it’s no secret that fuck texas has become a lot less active over 2020. running a blog centered around what’s basically one joke is well, hard! im surprised i kept it running as long as i did especially after taking several extended breaks. im struggling to really find a place for it in my life anymore. im more than moved on and this blog reached its peak like... 2 years ago at this point. it’ll never be the same, and that’s okay i think.

there was a lot of fun to be had running this blog, but, to be quite honest, ive also realized Fuck Texas came from a sort of ignorance i held for a long time. its not really a secret that i dont even live in texas, i live in new york. which, for most people, is seen as the exact polar opposite to texas. i wish it was as simple as me being like “Well we’re like rival states. we HAVE to hate each other.” it’s kinda like that, but it was also general ignorance for how a lot of southern states are run. it was always my impression that the south united states was a bunch of racist rednecks and not a place that housed so many minorities in the united states. that’s absolutely on me for taking years to realize that. the south has a big, BIG voter suppression problem, but to blame that on the people living there rather than the people in power, well, it’s fairly ignorant.

i dont consider fuck texas to necessarily be this Problematic Time Piece or anything, but the origins are less easy for me to swallow as ive gotten older. i started the original fuck texas steam group when i was 15. im 20 now! thats fucked up. literally 25% of my life has had fuck texas exist in some form. its crazy that such a large chunk of my life has involved this dumb joke exisiting in some form.

you can read that second paragraph again, im not good with goodbyes! its taken me a long, long time to say good bye to this thing ive created. but as god said “All Good Things Must Come To An End.” i just think the time is finally right. im ready to move on, and i think most people following are ready to move on.

it’s been a blast the past 5 years. its been crazy to see this dumb thing ive made extend far past my usual reach. i remember that one twitter post that was like “LMFAO THIS GUY ON STEAM REVIEWS GAMES BASED ON IF THEY HAVE TEXAS OR NOT”. insane to think how many people thought that was funny. i dont know if ill ever have that reach with any other dumb little blog or project i have, but hey, even if that never happens, at least that’ll always exist as a good memory.

ive run fuck texas in a way where ive attempted to avoid burnout to keep it going on as long as possible. if nothing else, 5 years is impressive for a gimmick account. ill gladly take that award at the next streamys. i think the burnout has finally set in though, i dont think it’ll ever recover to be honest.

thanks everyone whos followed this blog, who joined the original steam group before it got taken down, who followed the short lived twitter account, thank you. fuck texas wouldnt have been possible without you. i hope you all go on to live long, texasless lives. fuck texas the blog may be ending, but fuck texas the revolution will never end.

okay, maybe that last part’s a bit too pretentious. but im glad the message stuck with you guys at least. see you on the flipside.

if you have any interest in following me further (cool if you dont):

tumblr: @motherfuckermorgan

twitter: @MorganWillBRB

twitch: MorganWillBRB