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girlgenius1111 · 7 months

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prove yourself

cata coll x reader r realizes cata has a protective streak, while r does not. she tries to remedy this, although it doesn't go exactly to plan. cw: creepy entitled man being gross at a bar in this. he gets a little touchy, and is promptly dealt with.

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It began with a seemingly harmless comment from Pina on whether similar or different people made better partners. You spent a lot of time with your girlfriend, and you’d picked up little mannerisms that the other had. As such, you thought that the two of you were more similar than you actually were.

“You and Cata are complete opposites. Cata is a hot head, she’d get into a fist fight in a second for you. You’ve watched people push her to the pitch and not lost your temper.”

You’d brushed the comment off, making a joke about how if she was right, Pina needed to find herself the most serious, most calm person on earth.

It had stuck with you, though. Was this something everyone thought? That you weren’t protective over Cata when she was with you? Did Cata think that? That you didn’t care enough to be that way? It wasn’t true, it definitely wasn’t true. You cared more for Cata than you thought possible, than you’d ever felt for anyone in all your years. Every cell, every molecule in your body loved Cata.

And sure, you were a calm person. Not outwardly aggressive on the pitch, or anywhere really. That was your reputation; cool under pressure. You shook everything off, took nothing personally. You’d never so much as had a cross word with another player on the pitch, or off of it. You didn’t argue, and you didn’t fight. Ever.

For Cata, though? For her, you’d light a match and watch the whole world burn. Cata was worth it, worth everything. It scared you that she might not know that, scared you just in general, how deeply you loved her, how all consuming it was.

As it stood, you weren’t planning on doing anything about it. Maybe you’d talk to Cata about it at some point, but you were very much someone who kept things to themselves. If you had a problem, it took a lot of coaxing from your girlfriend to get you to talk about it.

It really wasn’t intentional, what happened. A combination of things pushed the situation out of control, the biggest of them being your sudden, inexplicable insistence to protect your girlfriend.

Cata was a partier. It was well known; put her and Pina together, and combine an important win? Everyone was waking up with a hangover the next morning, whether they wanted to or not. You were very used to how rowdy she’d get in clubs, but for her part, she never really let you out of her sight. It wasn’t odd for her to get wildly possessive of you on a night out, glaring at anyone that glanced at you for too long. It had always made you feel special, but now, you were wondering if Cata wanted the same behavior from you.

The team was, as expected, out celebrating the latest El Clásico win. Cata had kept a clean sheet, and was very much looking forward to letting loose for the evening. You’d all found yourselves in a familiar club in the heart of Barcelona. The entire team was there, even Alexia, though you suspected she came to keep an eye on everyone.

For your part, you’d done well to push your current crisis out of your head, instead focusing on the spectacular performance of your girlfriend, and your own performance, which wasn’t half bad. You were in for a fun night with Cata, if not a long morning of babying her hangover, until some disgusting man decided the goalkeeper’s tight leather pants were an invitation.

Cata was further from you than she liked to be on nights out, but she’d gone up to the bar with Mario to get more drinks, and had left you safely seated next to Alexia. You watched very carefully as the man approached Cata and Mario, neither of them paying him very much attention. Even when he leaned in closer to your girlfriend, you weren’t too worried. Cata leaned away from him instinctually, stepping closer into Mario.

“Come on, beautiful, let me have your number. I can show you a good time.” He was so drunk he was slurring his words, practically falling over.

“No thanks.” Cata said back. There was a time she would have embarrassed the man, nudged him away and made a joke at his expense, but she was older, now, and more aware of how poorly that could end for her. She kept it polite and quick, trying not to show how uncomfortable she was with the man in her space.

He seemed to back off, for a second, and Cata moved away from Mario to grab 2 of the drinks the bartender was holding out for her. As soon as her back was the man opposite her, his hand was moving quickly. You blinked, almost stunned at the audacity of the man who had just gratuitously slapped your girlfriend’s ass. He must have been the stupidest man on earth, truly, seeing as though Mario instantly pushed Cata behind her and squared up to the taller man. Mariona Caldentey was an intimidating person when she wasn’t grinning from ear to ear, and she definitely wasn’t doing so now, giving the man a harsh shove to the chest.

Alexia was moving too, blinking when you beat her out of the chair, rushing off towards Cata. She, and everyone else watching the situation unfold, expected you to go to your girlfriend. They were all stunned, then, when you walked up to the atrocious man smiling smugly down at Mario, pushed your teammate gently out of the way, before balling your hand and swinging, your fist connecting with its target with a loud, revolting crunch.

How dare he lay a hand on Cata, on your Cata. Only you were allowed to slap her ass, and only when she said she wanted you to. You were angrier than you’d ever felt, but regardless, throwing that punch hadn’t been your first instinct. You’d been moving to check on Cata, when you remembered Pina’s words from earlier, and realized that this was your chance to prove to everyone, Cata most importantly, that you were just as dedicated, and just as protective of her as she was of you.

You’d had better ideas. That was clear as the man staggered backwards, and as your knuckles felt like they were splintering open. The bartender had watched the whole thing occur, and didn’t say anything as the man stumbled back towards his friends, embarrassed, clutching tightly to his nose.

“What the hell was that? He was twice your size, idiota,” Alexia scolded, spinning you around to inspect your hand as well as she could in the dim lighting. She was quickly, and unceremoniously, knocked out of the way as Cata rushed to your side, the shock of seeing you deck a grown man wearing off. Alexia gave Cata an unimpressed look, but told Cata to get you home safe, before dragging Mario, who was practically doubled over laughing, back over to the table.

Cata didn’t speak, a rarity for her, simply taking your hand very gently in hers and looking at you with an almost heartbreakingly concerned look on her face. Your hand really fucking hurt. You were pretty sure it was broken, but your attention was on Cata.

“Are you okay?” You asked quietly, mind not focused on your throbbing hand, but on your sweet girlfriend, who liked to act a lot tougher than she really was.

“I’m fine, really. Let’s go, you need a doctor.” The goalkeeper didn’t wait for a response, pulling you towards the door, past the table of your teammates. You noticed Mario giving a rather dramatic retelling of the event, just barely catching the look of joy and wonder on Mapi’s face at the news that you’d punched someone. Honestly, your teammates were all children.

“Baby, you’re drunk, you shouldn’t drive.” You reminded her, as she opened the passenger door to her car for you. You’d been planning on driving home, but with your hand the way it was, that didn’t seem all that likely.

“I’m not drunk, I didn’t even finish my first drink. We have dinner with your parents tomorrow night, I didn’t want to be hungover.” Cata dismissed, getting into the driver's seat and glancing anxiously at you. You were almost speechless at this, as Cata wasn’t really one to to think ahead to the consequences of being hungover. You smiled weakly at her, blinking away a few tears, both at how well your girlfriend loved you, and at how your hand was beginning to have its own heartbeat.

The goalkeeper leaned across the center console, pecking your cheek, before starting the car and driving in the direction of the hospital.

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It wasn’t that Cata seemed mad, per say, she was just being… odd. Not really in a way that would be clear to anyone else, but you knew her well enough to recognize the far off expression on her face as one she got when she was nervous. You decided the incident in the bar had upset her more than she was willing to admit, and vowed to bring it up again when you arrived home. As for now, you sat in the car, heading home from the hospital, with your arm carefully cradled against your chest, encased in a blue cast.Blue, as you’d insisted upon, and marked with a heart, as Cata had insisted. She’d charmed one of the nurses at the hospital into bringing her a sharpie, and had carefully inked the heart into the plaster, her tongue sticking out of her mouth adorably as she concentrated. Once she was satisfied, and you’d been discharged, she’d led you out of the hospital, keeping you pressed close to her body. She buckled your seatbelt for you, even though you were more than capable.

It came so easily to her, it seemed, being protective and taking care of you. She just knew what to do; knew to guide you into the house, knew to get you something to eat before leading you upstairs. She knew to help you get your pajamas on, the pain meds the hospital had prescribed made you a bit woozy, but knew to still let you do most of the work, knowing you hated to feel hovered over. That just wasn’t your skillset. You took care of Cata, yes, but in different ways. Ways that didn’t seem as significant, or as meaningful.

You were getting tired of her acting so weird, though. She came at you with a makeup wipe and even when she was gazing down at your face, meticulously cleaning it off, she avoided eye contact with you. If there was one thing you were good at, it was getting Cata to talk to you.

“You’re upset.”

She paused, nodding minutely, before moving away from you to discard the makeup wipe, and grab your skincare routine from the bathroom. You waited until she was back in front of you, smearing on your moisturizer, before speaking again.

“You’re allowed to be upset, Cata. That was a horrible experience.”

Her expression was still guarded, even as she nodded again. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

You shook your head. “No, I mean what happened, Cata. What that dick did.”

Cata gave you a weird look. “I’m not upset about that, bebé.”

At this, you pushed her hands away from your face, giving her a disbelieving look.

She doubled down. “I’m not. It was gross and I probably would have hit him if you hadn’t. I’m upset that you got hurt, though. That you got hurt for me.” She explained, sitting carefully next to you, as if the gentle movement of the bed under you would jostle your arm in a painful way. She was always so careful with you.

You thought she’d be happy. Not happy that you were hurt, but happy you stood up for her. You were convinced you’d be filling a gap that she’d felt, that she wouldn’t focus on your broken hand when she could focus on what you’d done for her.

“If he’d slapped my ass instead, what would you have done?” You asked after a minute, looking up at your girlfriend’s face.

Her eyebrows creased with anger at the mere thought, and there was no ounce of uncertainty in her tone. “Murder.”

You stifled a laugh, completely sure that she was serious.

“Then what’s the difference?”

“The difference is that it’s you.” Cata said rather harshly, looking at you with an intensity you weren’t used to seeing on her face. “I don’t need you to protect me.”

That stung, even if you knew she hadn’t meant it in the way it sounded. You rose from the bed, feeling embarrassment wash over you as you tried to leave the room.

“Okay, got it. Sorry.” You mumbled.

“Amor, no.” Cata sighed, grabbing your good hand and wrenching you back towards her. You stumbled slightly, only blushing more as you practically fell into your girlfriend’s lap. “I just meant… I protect you, okay? You don’t need to worry about me. I don’t want you to get hurt, even if it’s for me.”

You were quiet, not convinced. Cata looked at you searchingly for a minute, before her hand raised, pointer finger tracing a light pattern across your cheek until you raised your head to look at her.

“What is this about? You’ve never done something like this before.”

“I just thought that… maybe it bothered you. That I’m not as protective towards you. ”

“No, no. It doesn’t bother me. I like it. It feels like my job, to keep you safe. This special thing that I can do to make you feel safe.” Cata emphasized, her fingers tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, her eyes looking at you with an adorable scrunch as she tried to get her point across.

“You don’t want me to be that for you, too?” You asked.

“You don’t need to punch people for me to feel safe, you do that in… different ways. You’re soft, and you’re perfect. You give the best hugs, and you make me feel better just by speaking. I don’t need you to beat anyone up for me. I just need you.” The goalkeeper responded softly, her voice growing quiet in the way it did whenever she expressed a vulnerability. “You don’t need to prove your love for me, bebé. I feel it all the time.”

At this, you leaned forward, burying your face in the crook of her neck. Her arms wrapped snugly around you, and Cata pressed her face into your hair, inhaling deeply, rather satisfied with herself for making you feel better.

“You always know what to say.” You mumbled. “And you look hot when you’re mad.”

Cata pulled away, throwing her head back and laughing. “You do too, bebé. I like you uninjured, though, so no more fights until I teach you how to punch.”

“I know how to punch!!” You cried resentfully, trying hard to keep a frown on your face.

When Cata’s eyes flickered between your face and your broken hand, a smirk tugging at her lips, you broke, laughing as you leaned back down against her.

“Fine. I don’t know how to punch.” You admitted begrudgingly.

“No, you don’t. You don’t need to. I’ll always be there to throw punches for you, sí?”

You were sure she would be. Cata loved a fight, on or off the pitch, but more than anything, she loved taking care of you.

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:) cata 🙂🫶🏻

#woso imagine #woso x reader #barcelona femeni x reader #cata coll x reader #woso one shot #woso fanfics

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camilledlc · 14 days

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I think the fact that Careless Whisper is Vanessa and Wade's songs and Iris is Logan and Wade's is very poetic and holds a lot of meaning. Let me explain:

Careless Whisper is all about a relationship ending, the longing for this person you won't ever have again and full of regrets. It's a song about a love that will never come back ("sad good-byes", "now that you're gone", etc). I also think the song deeply explains their relationship (Vanessa/Wade) in general.

Wade is feeling very insecure about his relationship in general, knowing that he hurts Vanessa (2nd movie), that staying with her is kind of selfish but yet he doesn't want to let her go ("I feel so unsure", "there's no comfort in the truth / pain is all you find", "guilty feet"). Besides, the lyrics : "we'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say" is very much them when Vanessa breaks up with him in DP3. Realistically, he knows that "it's better this way", because he isn't good enough for her in his mind. He hurts her and he doesn't matter enough. He knows the relationship have to end.

Yet, he is still very much desperate for her love, and can't seem to let her go, like seen in the 3rd movie. He wants her back ("Please stay", "Was what I did so wrong, so wrong / That you had to leave me alone?"), because he feels as if she's his one true love. No one has ever had him like this (shameless So High School reference). She felt like his soulmate, and losing her is losing this kind of love that you only find once in your life, it's like losing his soulmate. That's why he's "never gonna dance again / The way [he] danced with [her]". And the song adds "Never without your love", and I think it really represents his vision. He can't love again, and entirely be himself again if it isn't for/with Vanessa's love. She was the good thing in him, his one true love, and now he's wondering if he's ever gonna be able to have a love like this again ("But now, who's gonna dance with me?").

Now, Deadpool and Wolverine introduces Logan in the mix, and one of the main song in the movie is Iris. I think it represents perfectly Wade's state of mind during the movie, and his relationship with Logan. I do believe it's to be taken more from Logan's perspective, but the general theme of it is the same.

This song is a love song, yet very melancholic and tainted with sadness. It is very repetitive, and the singer already seems to know how things will play out. I think it puts us in the mindset of Wade, who had a previous relationship that seemed doomed because it would never work with who he is as a person and as a hero. He realizes that, and that a relationship with him can't last ("When everything's made to be broken", "And sooner or later, it's over"). Besides, a lots of other lyrics feels like they could refer to him feeling generally insecure about himself and who he is. He is aware that he is not necessarily a good person, he often lies to mask the truth about his feelings ("the moment of truth in your lies"). He is prompt to annoy, and attack, and doesn't mind being attacked back. He always puts himself in danger, and I think that the lyrics "you bleed just to know, you're alive" could explain why very well. And funnily enough, just before the song says : "When everything feels like the movies" and we all know that Wade knows he's in one.

So I think that we have a Wade that is deeply insecure about himself cause he knows he isn't necessarily a good person, he endangers himself and others constantly, and he can't be too surrounded by loved ones because he's gonna hurt them or put them in danger by his existence alone. He can't love and hold onto love. Yet, he wants someone to truly know who he is and to appreciate him for him ("I just want you to know who I am"). He is willing to be known by Logan during the movie, opening up to him. He always hides behind a mask, and symbolically, it's a way to keep people out. In the comics, it is even said that his scars causes him to often be left out of public spaces ; and in the first movie, he refused to go back to his girlfriend because of them, shutting her out too. Its like the lyrics : "And I don't want the world to see me / 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand", which can be read both literally because of his scars and metaphorically because of his personality, his tendencies to be 'weird' and 'annoying' as he talks and talks and breaks the fourth wall. Yet, he shows his face without a mask to Logan during the important moments, and he also shows him his true self. He wants Logan to know who he really is.

So, despite being broken down and knowing how and why his previous relationship ended, thinking that this one will have the same fate, Wade just wants to be known and seen by Logan, to be loved for who he is.

And I think Logan do, and he very much relate to the first part of the song. From his reality, he betrayed everyone he loved. He has no real home to back to, nothing to live for. This is why he is willing to give up everything to let Wade alive ("And I'd give up forever to touch you"). He wants to sacrifice himself not only because it's what hero do, but also because Wade doesn't deserve to die. Wade is the one who made him proud to wear this suit again, like shown in his flashbacks at the end ("You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be"). Then, they both go to save the world together, and they look in each other's eyes like nothing else exist ("And all I can taste is this moment / And all I can breathe is your life"). After years of being plagued by the voices of his friends, in this moment, he can't hear them anymore because all that exist is Wade and him saving the world, and his memories of Wade giving him a life again. He genuinely appreciates Wade for who he is and what is done, even staying with Wade in his universe and in his home ("And I don't wanna go home right now", "I just don't wanna miss you tonight").

In conclusion, Careless Whisper represents Wade's love for Vanessa, and how despite them having to break up, he never thought he could love someone else again. Yet, with Iris, we know that Wade is still insecure and unsure about it all, but is willing to open up for love again, to be loved by Logan.

(And last detail because i really wanted to include it but it was already very long, I like how the sentence "And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming" reflects how Wade was never really letting himself live truthfully. He never completely acknowledged his own emotions, and so he was spiralling and battling within himself but never could get out of this as long as he wasn't truthful about his feelings towards his need to matter. But in the end, eventually, he realizes that he matters, and there are no more tears to fight).

#poolverine #deadpool and wolverine #deadpool 3 #wade wilson #deadpool #wolverine #logan howlett

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campgender · 7 months

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Whenever a player safewords, this is an occasion for mutual support. We understand that nobody safewords from a happy place, and that all of our egos feel frail and kind of runty when we need to back out of a scene. It is completely unethical to respond with scorn or ridicule to a person who has safeworded: S/M is not a competition, we are not playing against each other.

As tops, we have noticed that if we are having a good time and our bottom safewords, our initial feelings may not be happy. Whaddaya mean you don't like that? I do all this work and you don't appreciate it? I'm hot for being in control and you want me to stop? We have felt real anger and felt challenged in our top role... and, on a deeper level, we have felt put down, hurt and rejected. It is okay to have these feelings. It is not okay to act on them. Take three deep breaths and everybody start taking care of each other.

Sometimes bottoms get so deeply engaged in a scene that they fail to safeword, or forget, or so profoundly believe in the fantasy that it doesn't occur to them: many of the techniques we play with, like interrogation, function in the real world to undermine volition. Dossie remembers a scene in which a top offered her a choice of something or other: "I felt very confused. Some distant part of me vaguely remembered having made choices, but the response from my state of consciousness at that time was, Choose? I am not a thing that chooses." So then what is the top's responsibility?

If a bottom does not safeword and you don't pick up on what's going on, and this will happen if you play long enough and well enough, there is no blame. However, it is still your responsibility to monitor for physical safety as best you can. As ethical tops we make a commitment to never knowingly harm our bottoms. To this end we check in regularly to make sure that things are going the way we think they are, and we constantly monitor the physical and emotional safety of our bottoms. If a bottom is beyond safewording, and you as the top feel unsure about how far you should go, it is your responsibility to slow down or stop the scene and get into communication with the bottom to make sure you have informed consent. If you have to bring the bottom back into reality to do this, please remember that you helped get them into that altered state in the first place, so presumably you can help get them back there again as soon as you are sure of what's going on.

And just because someone safeworded doesn't mean that the scene has to be over. There may be times when the problem that brought either of you to safeword is so overwhelming that carrying on doesn't feel like the right thing right now - but most often we find that after we've dealt with whatever the difficulty is, we're still terrifically turned on, with the added bonus of a shared intimacy.

from The New Topping Book (2003) by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

(note: the authors use ‘top’ & ‘bottom’ in the historical S/M sense, meaning ‘person performing the act’ & ‘person receiving the act’; the act in question is not necessarily penetration.)

#i am largely posting this to refer back to / expand on later but still totally okay to reblog if you want #kink education #the new topping book #quotes #mac’s bookshelf #why not take me now as i am?#impurity culture #tomorrow sexting will be good again

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nostalgicmiscellaneous · 3 months

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This is long, but i need to get this out of my chest:

I have made so many post defending Penelope when people talked about her issues, her traumas but right now i feel like defending Colin.

As a woman, sometimes i naturally tend to feel defensive and shield the girl but i need to be fair here. Colin's feelings and trust were deeply hurt, Colin is insecure, soft, thoughtful, introspective, sensitive and suffers with a inferiority complex, and he struggles to know his place in society and among the people he loves, on what he should do and the expectations of society from a 22 years old man.

What many don't seem to realize is that Colin, even before knowing Penelope is LW, was very insecure about what she loves in him ( and even if she did in fact love him, because she was about to marry someone else), about being worth of her, he says he wants to do something, to publish his diaries because he wants her to be proud of him…he already didn't think he was good enough for and to her. Colin is insecure about not being good enough in every aspect of his life, tbh. His lack of purpose, faith in himself and on others loving him from whom he is runs deep. His moment of vulnerability telling how much Penelope not answering to his letters affected him, his family too was very revealing. Him screaming at Pen with tears in his eyes that he felt foolish that she read his diaries and praised him as something special. This is something i've noticed even in other seasons too. The family not caring much about his need to connect and his somewhat strained relationship with Anthony, who wasn't really a good male figure to him. It's about male ego? A bit, but it's deeper than that in the series.

Another issue is, he put Pen in a pedestal too ( much like Pen did until 2x8), to be honest, and that is never a good thing, because people are not perfect. And he needed to learn all that. There is disappointment there. But, again, it goes further. It’s him not knowing her as he thinks he should. It’s him perceiving her humanity but reflecting on his own. We have to remember he's so happy because Pen chose him, because he thinks now he's someone's priority and he's someone's focus. He has the immature idea that you should be everything in every way to the person you love, and if you can't be their protector and the hero in their eyes, why should anyone love you?

Then he finds out…and his worldview crumbles. Not only Penelope broke his trust and hurt him deeply - and she never told him and never would have - and it wasn't just himself but his family too, but she shattered his belief he knew and connected with her better than almost anyone else, she shattered his barely there newly found confidence and sense of purpose, what he thought was his sense of self now. All modern sensibilities tend to be ruffled about this, but i think it's a fitting conflict that he would have issues with her being so self-sufficient, so successful while he believes himself to be less, way less than her, so to Colin she doesn't need him, and if she doesn't need him, why would she love him? Why should she love him?

Again, there is the side of him conflicted about knowing her. The pedestal was broken, because she lied to him. She is this powerful, talented, successful woman on her own, not just the pretty shy girl with sweetness and great witty personality that he loves, the one that thinks the world of him. She talked about him, she criticized him and while it rings true deep down, it rings devastation, because she could see beyond his farce and it makes him look and feel pathetic.

So he's struggling with two things: on how to love her, all of her, and how to feel good enough for her, love himself. He's trying to accept her new wonderful aspects and her hurtful flaws because he never stopped loving her, in no moment we see anything but love when that man looks at her, when that man is crying because of her and his deep sadness and longing, his anger is laced with so much love for her. He's angry at her but mostly at himself and he needs to figure it out a way to feel like he deserves to be loved by her. It fuels his issues and he also over compensates.

His hang ups with LW becomes his tangible target. Not only he sees as a dangerous thing to her, it puts her at risk, and with that in mind he can put himself in a role of her protector again, but he fixates on the idea that without Whistledown she's the Pen that he can believe is able to love him even if he's not good enough. Without Whistledown she's not so much above him and not so far from him, because Whistledown is her critical eye, it's Penelope appraising people very analytically and if she looks closely, he doesn't think she will see much in him, as she proved before with he S3 ep1 comment. He wants to get rid of it.

Sure, he's jealous too, he envies her success but exactly because he resents how much that makes him less worthy. It's also another thing that he thinks she's putting above him. He couldn't see clearly that it wasn't something outside herself (and he gets it after), but part of who she is, and all of those parts loves him. It's foolish and it's nonsensical because he doesn't understand that she has seen his flaws but she loves him anyway. He needed reassurance just as much as Pen needed. He needed her to keep on telling she loved him and why, because it heals him.

Some people were upset he didn't make love to her that day he went to get a blanket, but i get it. He wants it, he wants her so badly, you can see it. Colin has problems communicating and doing what he wants because he feels pathetic, jealous and that makes him feel worse, makes him feel shame. It’s him, not her that was the issue at that point. His connection with her runs deeper, it's respecting her and himself, with all the conflicted feelings why he didn’t.

It’s a slow process and i’m bloody glad it took its time to be resolved. But he starts understanding that his way wont help them, it wont bring them closer. He wont solve things by controlling and being the hero. He can’t change the past, he can’t change who they are. He wont solve anything by repressing his love.

Pen words help him figuring out a lot, her spoken words directed to him and her written words that he reads again. She needs him. She tells him she needs him and his love, not grand actions. He can show love and be worthy by supporting her. He starts to understand and ACCEPT that Whistledown is Pen, and loving Pen will include that part of her personality. He grasps that it was always there and it never made a difference in how much she loved being around him and him her, how much attention she dedicated to him, how much her words, in her letters, were full of admiration for him, to her love to him, how much she is his special person. She needs him just as much he needs her, she needs his love, his charm, his intelligence, his humor, his integrity, she needs him because without him she doesn’t feel complete, she doesn’t feel happy. He’s a good man, a fine man that makes her happy, always have. And he realizes she inspires him, she always had, and that isn't a problem, that having her helping him is not a problem, because he helps her too in many ways. It’s only when he can accept himself as equal and entitled to her love as she is to his that they could truly be together and happy.

Colin had the right to feel hurt, had the right to have his insecurities, had the right to need time and had the right to need space, had the right to lash out, had the right to come to term with the changes and surprises life threw at him, specially as a sensitive person that he very much is, and i'm glad the show didn't rush that.

#bridgerton #polin #colin bridgerton #luke newton #nicola coughlan #colin x penelope #penelope bridgerton #penelope featherington

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bellarkeselection · 2 months

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His Compass of Harrenhal - part 2

Part 1

part 3

Tag list - @only4thefics @superintenseart @universallyrascaldreamercookie @uniquecroissant @vavafaure1994

Tossing the covers off of my body as quickly as I could I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Daemon had a strong arm draped over my waist until I shoved his arms off of me. Stumbling out of the bed I flew to the chamber pot puking whatever was in my stomach from the dinner we ate the night before. “Y/n, what’s made you ill?” Daemon had awoken from his sleep running over to hold my hair out of my face..

“I’m not quite sure.” I croaked out once I had finally emptied the contents of my stomach and sat with my back against his chest.

Daemon rested his chin on top of my head, keeping his arms wrapped around my waist. “I’ll go find a Maester right away-“

“I’ll come with you. If this is some illness I don’t wish to pass out onto the floor while you’re away.” I snatched his wrist, halting him from going further. Together we made our way through the castle until the closest person we came upon was none other than Alice Rivers.

“You’re new wife becomes sick this morning I hear.”

Daemon grumbled still not trusting the woman before us. “I don’t have time for your words, witch. Just tell me what is wrong with my wife. You are apparently this haunted castle’s only maester.”

“Lay her on the table.” She rushed quickly clearing off her workspace before Daemon laid me down on my back and she rubbed her hand all over my stomach and lifted up my nightgown before asking me. “When did you last bleed, lady fish?”

Running a hand through my hair I couldn’t exactly recall the last time. “I don’t entirely know. Possibly two moons ago. Why?”

“If you haven’t bled recently then you’re pregnant with his wee bear growing inside your belly.” Alice points her hand at Daemon who tried to show no emotion around her.

Rolling over onto my side I grinned back at the dragon prince. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

Daemon crossed the room not saying anything before he grabbed my face and kissed me deeply until we needed air. “You will be a very excellent mother to our little dragon.” I wrapped my arms around his neck drawing him back in for another kiss until someone interrupted the kiss.

“Your grace, oh - uh forgive me.” The caretaker of the castle named Simon came into the room seeing us sharing a moment.

Daemon didn’t look at the man when he grumbled his next words. “What is it?”

“The lord of Riverrun has arrived.”

I jumped down from the table running as fast as my legs could carry me, not bothering to wait on the men behind me. I hadn’t seen a member of my family since my father had shipped me off to this place so long ago. Pushing the doors open I expected to see my very ill father but I was greeted by a young boy with curly brown hair standing in front of the large round table. “Who might you be?”

“My name is Oscar. My grandsire is Grover Tully. Praise the gods Aunt Y/n is that you?” Oscar began formally speaking until he recognized the eyes staring back at him.

I let out a half chuckle crossing the room moving closer to the boy. “Ha! So my father did mention me after he shipped me off. Anyhow, Oscar look how big you’ve grown. I remember how small you were on your first nameday. Can I get a hug, little nephew?”

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet you.” He flung his arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around his neck bringing him in closer with us both laughing in enjoyment. “I’ve heard tales of the Tully daughter who decided to wield a sword despite what everyone else thinks about it.”

“Well isn’t this a happy family reunion?” Daemon sent me a smile resting one hand on the handle of his sword that he carried on his hip.

“My - my - my prince. Uh my grace - your grace.” Oscar nervously tried to address him once we had broken our hug seeing Daemon and Simon Strong enter the room.

Daemon glanced back at the Strong man. “Lord Grover is looking more hair than healthy than I expected.”

“This is Oscar Tully. Grandson to Grover Tully. He is heir to Riverun and the future Lord Paramount of the Riverlands. His grace, the king concoct Daemon Targaryen and his Lady Wife I suppose Y/n of - um forgive me my lady.”

I sent the older man a gentle smile. “He’s my nephew, Simon Strong. I’m formerly of House Tully.”

“It is an honor, your grace.” Oscar said watching the dragon remove his sword, laying it on the table and sitting down before him and only then did the nervous lad sit down too.

Daemon nodded his head in my direction. “Indeed. Lady wife, come sit with us.”

“Oh okay.” I sat beside Daemon in the next chair over.

Daemon turned his attention to the young lad. “How fair’s your grandsire?”

“Sadly he remains incapacitated. He lies in a kind of waking sleep. Unable to do much more than eat or take a drink. It is barely enough to sustain him.”

Daemon tapped his fingers on the table. “So he’s alive?”

“Yes, gods be good.” Oscar brightly smiled.

Daemon leaned forward closer to the young boys face whispering a sentence that caught us both off guard for certain. “Well my time here is short and I’m in need of an army. Perhaps you place a feather pillow over his face and speed along your inheritance - fuck Y/n!”

“What the hell is the matter with you. You’re asking him to kill a member of my family when he’s only the age of ten and five.” I smacked my husband upside the back of the head sharply.

Daemon rubbed the back of his head glancing over at me. “If he’s an old man. Why let him suffer in pain. A quick death would be better for him and his grandson.”

“I - I love my grandsire. Like a father. My own Lord father died himself a young man. Lord Grover raised me in his stead.” Young Oscar explained nervously not thinking this conversation would resort to violence.

Daemon lowered his hand from the sore backside of his head bringing the topic of war back to the table. I knew he didn't like having to wait on anything, especially when it came to fighting battles. “All very touching are you here to speak with your grandsire's voice of House Tully in the Riverlands?”

“While he still lives?” Oscar raised a brow offended at the idea. “That is not our way.”

Daemon growled in the boy's face, picking up his sword and leaving the room. “Then you're of no use to me. I can see why the Blackwoods and Brackens did not fear to start a war beneath the nose of their ledge lords. House Tully is a fish with no head.”

“Daemon.” I called his name while getting up from my chair.

He placed his sword back onto his hip only sparing me a glance before he left the room. “Summon the Blackwoods here. I require men of action to lead my host of Rivermen.”

“Daemon! Daemon, wait a minute.” I chased after the prince grabbing the back of his tunic yanking hi, backwards before he could get any further from me. “I know you don’t like to hear that you’ll have to wait but-“

He spun around on his feet getting in my face. “I hate waiting. When you’re fighting a war there’s rarely time to wait for anyone else’s help.”

“Let me get my words out before you bite my head off. Like I was saying, give my lord Father time to pass on his own time and then you might have an edge of me talking with my nephew so that he and his bannermen will follow your queen Rhaenyra. Can you do that for me hmm. Can you take a pause before you run when something doesn’t go your way?”

He grabbed my face in his hands resting his forehead down against mine releasing a breath I didn’t know he was holding in. “I suppose I’ll have to wait for our little dragon to come into the world. So this should be no different.”

“Thank you, Daemon.” Draping my arms around his neck we embraced the other in a long hug.

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lidiasloca · 30 days

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more than this (azriel x reader)

summary: after Azriel and reader had a summer together, the last thing Az was expecting was to face her again. (angst).

previous chapter, next chapter

chapter seven

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

Days passed. Countless days passed. Nothing happened in between them. You woke up, you ate, and you went to sleep. That was it. Emptiness.

Two months ago, thought, it were different. After leaving Helion’s palace, an unbearable pain reigned your heart. You woke up, you cried all day, and you went to sleep. But now you had no more tears left.

Just emptiness.

And constant banging on your head.

Or is it a knock on the door?

Another knock.

You rose from the ground, ungracefully and dizzy. “Go away!” you shout as you walk to the door of the old and poorly lit apartment you had rented. But the knocking doesn’t subside.

“What do y-” But your words fade as you see the person knocking.

“Hi,” she smiles faintly. “It’s been a long time, Y/n.”

You open your mouth. You close it. And you try talking again.

“Elain?”

Her forced smile fades into an empathetic look. Her expressive face has always been easy to read. Her next words are harder to understand, though.

“I really hated you, you know. Utter, raw hate. And maybe I still hate you a bit. But… despite that, you deserve to know more about Azriel.”

She hates you. Understandable. She wants to talk about Azriel. That makes no sense at all.

When you finally manage to word something, you ask her, “Know what?”

“Well - could I come in first? It’s freezing here. And this may take a while.”

You let her in and guide here to the couch. Your mind is blank as you prepare some tea for the both of you. Is still blank when you start mindlessly listening to Elain talk about the weather, your family, and other things you can’t quite hear because your head is full of one clear scream:

Azriel!

“Elain,” you cut her off mid-sentence. “Please, just - what is it that you really came here for? Earlier you said something about Azriel.”

“I know. I know,” she replies softly. She inhales deeply. “I don’t know where to start...”

It was a sad day. Rain kept pouring and I felt lonely in my room. Only the drops of water accompanied me.

Or at least that was until I saw them. Azriel’s shadows. And like smoke warns you about fire. His shadows only meant he was next.

“Do not hide,” I commanded, no longer vulnerable against he who had broken my heart.

Then, he appeared, wearing black clothes, as obscure as his semblance. Sad eyes watched me back. Guilt and tears mixed in their dark color.

“I am not hiding, Elain,” he said, softly as a whisper. “Not anymore.”

The pain in his voice moved me. He sounded miserable. He looked miserable.

I walked to Azriel. Yes, I was mad at him. But that didn’t dismiss the love I still had for him - the worry I felt for him.

The moment I laid a hand on him, barely a touch, he broke. He moved to hug me desperately as he cried and begged for forgiveness.

He confessed what we both knew I knew. That he had been with Y/n that summer. And that he still loved her after it. He said he wished he hadn't hurt me. And that he was sorry. So sorry.

He kept crying for so long it shocked me. He never showed me his feelings, but now, here he was, crying and sobbing as if he had never been touched by sadness before.

Once I accomplished to soothe him a bit, he told me what had happened. He told me trough sobs he had found his mate. He didn’t have to tell me her name. I knew.

I had always known. Since the very first moment he had returned home after summer, I had known there had been someone. And I knew she was much more for him than just a someone. Even if he lied to me. Even if he lied to himself.

But a bond… No lie can conceal the mating bond.

Not even a lie to believe there is one. But he had tried to believe for so long that he would find one in me. In us.

I felt like a disappointment every day that passed and the bond didn’t snap. I felt like that was the only way to prove myself worthy of his love. Had he had known we weren't mates earlier, I knew he wouldn’t have wasted a second on me.

That was Azriel. A male obsessed with finding a mating bond and feeling unloved. It was a vicious circle he had entered. And I had jumped to the spiral with him…

“And so did I,” you say.

Elain's eyes find yours in surprise when she hears you, like as she had been lost in her story. You know that feeling quite well. Memories with Azriel cut bone-deep and are always there to stay and come to the surface whenever they want.

“And so did you,” she breathes. Then she chooses silence, still reeling from her confessions.

You have a feeling that day she’s talking about was the day Azriel had left. The day the bond had snapped. The day you told him…

You inhale deeply. Trying to think of something else.

“Y/n,” she calls. “The truth is, I hate you. You must have guessed that of course; I know I was rude to you when we first met. I pretended I didn't know anything so I could go on hurting you without consequence." She sighs and adds, "And I also hate him. I wish I didn’t, but I hate you both. He’s broken my heart, and you are the main reason as for he has done so. But, I had been thinking these months. About everything. But, especially, about where this anger comes from.”

You watch as she wipes her tears. And your heart breaks for her. But, you can’t do anything, so you just continue listening to what she has to say.

“And the truth is - you’ve just gotten what I always had wished for. A mating bond. It’s the only thing I’ve always wanted since I met Azriel. I hated the thought of being tied to anyone before that. But with Azriel, I wanted nothing else. And now…now I will never have that. Because you have it.”

Silence breaks in through the truths she’s sharing. And you both just sit with them like that. Guilt and sadness filling your heart.

You let Elain take her time, and even though she claims to hate you, her kind eyes tell you she’s thankful for giving her a moment.

“And… well, that though I had for many weeks. That you shared the bond with him and I didn’t. And to go through those weeks, I tried to use something he’d told me. That you hadn’t accepted it. That you hated him. I tried to convince myself that that made us even. I didn’t have the bond, but you, in a way, didn’t either. However, that didn’t do anything to make it better for me. It even made it worse. You had what I would’ve killed for, and you just - didn’t care. You had let him go. And well - I guess that is why I’m here.”

“I don’t understand. You’ve come here because I didn’t accept the bond?” you ask surprised and shocked.

“Yes. And because I want you to accept it.”

Your jaw nearly drops, and you have to close your eyes as you try to make some sense of this. Azriel cheats on her, and she wants for him to have his mating bond accepted by the one girl he’s cheated her with. What -

And not only that. Does she not know how much damage he’s done to you to?

“Elain, but-”

“I know. I know. That day, he told me everything. I know what he did to you. I know you didn’t know about me. That doesn’t make me hate you less. But it also doesn’t mean you don’t love him still.”

“What, but I-

“You deny it?” she asks, her eyebrows accusingly risen.

Of course you don’t. You will never deny loving him. And so you stay silent.

“Listen, I know you are angry at him. A lot. But not half as much he is with himself. He hates himself for what he did to me and for what he did to you. And I know exactly how hard it will be to forgive him, but, you have to. It’s as simple as that.”

“No, no it’s not,” you whisper, almost on the verge of tears.

“It is. You are mated. You love him, and he loves you. And…” She swallows and adds, “He doesn't love you because you are mated, he loved you long before that. Even when he thought it was supposed to be me. It was always you for him. It is that simple.”

Your cheeks are wet and your eyes hurt from shutting them so tightly when you feel her hand on your arm, caressing you like as she held love for you. You think how you could have ever hated this girl.

“Elain.”

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for me. Only be sorry for yourself if you let anger ruin the most precious treasure the gods have given you.”

“The mating bond.”

She cocks her head. “No.” You look up to find her eyes. “A soulmate. Someone that, with or without that bond, is made for you. And Azriel is.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” she laughs softly.

“But, I don’t think he wants it anymore. I told him some things that-”

“Y/n, listen. Azriel loves you still just as much as you love him. No matter what he did. No matter what you said, your souls are tied. And your love hasn’t gone anywhere. Do not waste it.”

And her clear words make it dawn upon you.

A revelation; You have to go find him. See for yourself that your love still has a chance.

You smile at her, and she returns your smile softly.

The path to here has been difficult and blurry. What Azriel did is not completely amended. His mistakes have been done. And so are yours. But you are ready to forgive, if he is ready to be better. And you know he is. Because now, with this love you let yourself feel for him, the path seems easier and clearer.

You know you both have things to solve, and talk. But love will be there with you every step of the way.

And not only love.

The mating bond.

“Do not waste what so many wish for when they look up to the stars.”

HEY! IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY AZRIEL MASTERLIST HERE <3

Just one more chapter to goooo. I know our little Azriel hasn't appeared on this one, but he will of course be on the grand finale. Prepare yourselfs for a lovely ending to this story. Hope you liked it as I've loved getting back here to write for More Than This. Please know I much appreciate when you engage with my posts, especially when you comment nice things :) Thanku for reading.

-Characters by Sarah J. Maas

tag list:

@kalulakunundrum @bubybubsters @goradgirl @kennedy-brooke @going-through-shit @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @linoisqt @minakay @nastynesta @lockedinmytower @stargirl1714 @justagingerliving @marvelpotter @mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @mis-lil-red@whyonearthisyourusernamethi-blog @e-dollly @emptyporsche @cwallace02sblog@impossibelle @sidthedollface2 @justdreamstars @nyotamalfoy @cryinghotmess @fightmedraco @strangersunghoon @acourtofbatboydreams @snatched-bubblegum-bitch

IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TAGLIST COMMENT IT ON THIS CHAPTER PLEASE.

#azriel x reader #azriel angst #azriel #azriel x female!reader #azriel x you #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x y/n #acotar fic #azriel fanfic #azriel fic #az imagine #azriel imagine

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anakinstwinklebunny · 1 month

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SWEETHEART!ANAKIN HEADCANONS 2

TW: at some point it contains mentions of small sexual content (like breast kissing), so if you're feeling uncomfortable with it, please do not read

Author's note: you wanted it so I deliver it kindly to your notifications or whatever. It's long just for people who asked for even more sweetheart!ani - link

Maul - Manny Montana

Cal - Cameron Monaghan

Shmi - Pernilla August

Sweetheart!Anakin who, after founding out that your ex boyfriend cheated on you multiple times, drove to him with baseball bat for aggressive negotiations. It was the only and the last time he'd use force to hurt someone. Even if it felt good to make him regret even daring himself to think about other woman when he had you, Anakin felt guilty, dirty. And in that moment he promised himself to never do that again

Sweetheart!Anakin who tried to do everything to cheer you up after the break-up

Sweetheart!Anakin who obviously asked you out to prom and that moment started a relationship between you two

Sweetheart!Anakin who often took you out on small dates where you just drove around the neighborhood or around the city. Ending the day with watching the stars on his car

Sweetheart!Anakin who, as a teenager, fully acknowledged that you are the one he wants to spend the rest of the life with, so from that time he saved money for an engagement ring;

"I want to marry y/n," he proclaimed with a sense of pride, looking earnestly at his mother.

She glanced at him with a tender smile. "Ani, you're only fifteen," she responded softly, her eyes filled with both affection and concern.

He puffed out his chest and squared his shoulders, a gesture of youthful determination. "But I’ll be sixteen soon," he insisted with unwavering resolve.

His mother’s smile broadened, and she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before turning back to the sink to wash her hands. The kitchen, filled with the comforting aroma of evening cooking, seemed to embrace their conversation.

"And sixteen is a very mature age." he continued, his voice following her as he leaned against the counter. "I’m quite mature for my age. I have more responsibilities than most boys my age," he added, his tone a blend of earnestness and pride as he studied the gleam of the kitchen’s fixtures.

"I know you do, baby"

He crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze fixed intently on her. "Then why don’t you believe me when I say I want to marry y/n?" he asked, a hint of a pout tugging at his lips.

"I didn’t say I don’t believe you," she replied gently, focusing on cutting a carrot. "I said you're too young to get married, and I’m sure y/n’s mother feels the same way."

He slumped against the counter with dramatic flair, crossing his arms and frowning deeply. "That’s not fair," he muttered under his breath.

"Why isn’t it fair?"

"Because why should I wait in the first place?" he insisted, his tone resolute. He watched her slice the carrot, his thoughts consumed by y/n. "She’s the best person I know, and she’s so beautiful," he added with a heavy sigh, his heart and mind wholly set on her.

His mother’s lips curved into a tender smile as she walked over to kiss the top of his head before opening the fridge to gather ingredients for dinner.

He leaned against her for a moment, peering into the fridge and surveying the array of food. "She smiles in the most enchanting way," he said, his voice filled with admiration. "And her eyes are perfect, like the sky on a clear day." He could have gone on endlessly about her, but this was just the tip of the iceberg in expressing his love. "She deserves the best, and I want to give that to her."

After small pause, he continued, "She’s so smart and kind, always ready to help others. Yet, I don’t think she fully realizes how amazing she is. She has this incredible sense of humor that catches me off guard and makes me laugh so hard..." He glanced at his mother, searching for her reaction. "I promise I’d take good care of her," he added quietly.

"I know you would," she replied softly.

He studied her intently, determined to win this argument. “Then why can’t I marry her?” he asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Ani,” she sighed, her tone gentle. “We’ve discussed this before. You’re too young.”

He pouted but continued to watch his mother prepare the meal. He was stubborn, but he understood when she was resolute. “So when will you let me marry her? When I’m eighteen?”

“It’s not just about age,” she explained softly. “It’s about being truly certain that she’s the one you want to spend your life with. Marriage is a serious commitment, Ani. I wouldn’t want you to marry young and later regret it. I want you to be absolutely sure, when you’re an adult.”

He huffed, knowing her arguments were difficult to counter. Though he was only sixteen, he couldn’t imagine his life without y/n.

“Yeah, yeah, but still,” he muttered, frowning as he leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sweetheart!Anakin who at the age of 20 bought an engagement ring from the money he saved. It was a radiantly shining five stone round brilliant diamond. White gold with two diamond stones at each shoulder and the biggest one in the middle. It perfectly reflected the light; so flawless, so luminous. He was grinning like crazy at the thought of possibly slipping it on your finger;

(here's link if you're interested in what it looks like: ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ)

“Just promise you’ll wear something special tonight, okay?” he said into his phone, his anxiety evident.

“Ani, I’m not deaf,” your voice came through the phone with a hint of exasperation. “I’ve heard you.”

“I know, I know,” he said, still holding the ring close to eye it from different angles. “I just want you to look extra stunning tonight.”

“You always say I look beautiful in anything I wear,” you replied.

“Because you do look absolutely gorgeous in everything,” he said quickly. “But I want tonight to be special. I want you to look drop-dead gorgeous.” He added, stopping at an old bench. His stomach churned with nerves that refused to let go.

He could almost envision your smile through the phone. “Then I’ll wear something drop-dead gorgeous just to make you fall to your knees” you teased.

His heart skipped a beat at your words. He already knew you'd make him fall to his knees tonight, especially with what he plans to do. You could hear his chuckle through the phone. But it was a bit different, as if excitement and anxiety surged within him. “I have no doubts about it,” he replied, leaning back against the bench and taking a deep breath to steady his racing heart.

He had to admit he was terrified, but not of your answer. His fear was that he might mess up, say something awkward, or forget to ask you properly. For millions times, or even more, he imagined this situation. From being just a teenager, to this day he thought what he'll say, how he'll say it and where it's be. It was almost overwhelming, he had never felt so much adrenaline and squeezing his insides stress in his whole life. He took a few more deep breaths and a sip of wine, trying to remind himself that this was the most significant moment of his life and everything will go perfectly

His gaze shifted to the entrance of the restaurant, and he nearly choked on his wine. You were smiling at the waitress who checked your name before letting you in. He was utterly stunned. You were wearing a crimson red dress that clung to your curves perfectly, driving him crazy with your beauty.

For a moment, it felt as if his heart had stopped, and he could hardly breathe. Time seemed to stand still, his mouth going dry as he took in your appearance. You looked... simply perfect. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. His mind struggled to comprehend how you could look so incredible, and the realization that you were dressed like that just for him made his throat even drier.

The dress was a mermaid cut, hugging your hips beautifully. It was adorned with small, shiny gemstones that made it shimmer even more, accentuating your cleavage in a way that made his breath catch. He was certain he was on the verge of a heart attack as he watched you approach their table after making an eye contact. The way the dress clung to your figure was driving him to distraction, so he bit his lip and took a deep breath, struggling to calm his racing heart. He mentally cursed himself for staring at your cleavage, though he couldn’t seem to look away. Everything about you was mesmerizing, and his heart continued to race. He knew his hands would be shaking if he had to hold them up right now. As you drew nearer, all he could do was smile, feeling the knots in his stomach as he stood to help her into her seat. After you were seated, he pushed the chair back and sat down again, unable to tear his eyes away from you. The breathlessness returned as he took in every detail of your appearance, from your slightly messy bun to your full, raspberry lips. “You look...” he began, pausing as he searched for the right words. Gorgeous was the first word that came to mind, but it felt inadequate compared to the way you looked. He let out a small, breathy chuckle. “perfect,” he said, his mouth going dry once more at the sight of his beautiful girl “Thank you, you look very nice as well,” you replied warmly. He took a deep breath, attempting to regain his composure. How was he supposed to concentrate when you looked so stunning in a dress that revealed so much? He was afraid that being too distracted might cause him to mess up this important moment. He managed a small smile and nodded slightly. “Are you hungry?” he asked with a light chuckle, picking up his menu to review it again. “Oh gosh, yes,” you said with a sigh, immediately reaching for your own menu. He struggled to hold back a smile as he reviewed the menu, trying to focus on the food. At this point, all he could concentrate on was you. You were more than just beautiful; you were beyond words. Terms like gorgeous, stunning, and magnificent seemed inadequate. You embodied perfection in that moment, leaving him utterly mesmerized. Your presence rendered him speechless, a feeling that was not new but was intensified every time he saw you in a something new

As they enjoyed their meal, you broke the silence. “What’s going on today? You’re all dressed up, my mom was unusually excited and insistently walked after me to make me wear a dress.. Is there some special occasion? Did I forget something?” your cheeks flushed deeply in what came an embarrassed and slight shame “You didn’t forget anything,” he grinned to himself. He knew your mother was aware of the proposal since he made sure to first ask your parents for approval. “Can’t I just take the beautiful woman I love out to dinner?” you only blushed deeply, feeling extremely exposed to him. But not only from the revealing dress you've never wore before but also spiritually, as if your whole being was revealed to his loving eyes “Stop looking at me like that,”

“Like what?” he feigned innocence, though he knew exactly what you meant “Like I’m about to vanish if you close your eyes,” he chuckled again, “well, you’re so stunning, sometimes I feel like you’re not real” he leaned back in his chair with a smile.

Sweetheart!Anakin who proposed to you after asking your parents for approval/blessing;

He held you close as you strolled down the street, his jacket draped over your shoulders not only to keep you warm but also to offer a bit more coverage for your stunning dress. You looked breathtakingly beautiful. He glanced at you again, unable to suppress the broad, foolish grin spreading across his face. He felt a surge of readiness—he was poised to ask the question that would forever alter your lives.

"Do you remember our first date?" he asked, his voice tinged with anticipation.

your lips curled into a teasing smile "Are you referring to the one in kindergarten or the one in high school?"

He chuckled, rolling his eyes with affectionate exasperation, though the recollections made him smile. "You could say both," he replied, slowing your pace to take in your face properly.

"Well, I loved both," your smile turning warm and genuine. "You were adorable as a six-year-old."

"Were?"

"Now you're handsome and cute" your eyes dancing with affection.

He could only smile, almost feeling his face muscles giving up from too much pressure and stretching. However, he ignored the slight pain to guide you to a quieter, more secluded stretch of the street. The area was dimly lit, and while a few pedestrians were scattered about, no one was in your immediate vicinity.

"Do you remember when we had our fake engagement?" he murmured with a nostalgic glint in his eyes.

you laughed softly "Of course. Although the ring pop you gave me was devoured a long time ago."

"Maybe this one will last a bit longer," he said with a nervous edge in his tone, his thumb lightly brushing your knuckles.

you started to chuckle unexpectedly. "What do you—"

Before you could finish your question, he sank to one knee, his eyes locked with yours, a profound sincerity in his gaze. He released your hand to retrieve the small black box from his pocket.

He opened it slowly, revealing the ring he had chosen earlier that day. As he held it up, his gaze fell back to yours. In that moment, he realized that no amount of carefully crafted words could capture what he felt. What mattered was the truth of his emotions. He didn't need a grand speech; he just needed to be sincere.

"I... I don’t have a fancy speech prepared for this," he murmured, his voice tinged with vulnerability.

He took another deep breath, his fingers tightening around the box.

"But what I do have is the truth," he continued, his voice breaking slightly. He didn't mind his emotions showing; he didn't care that he was overwhelmed. You were standing before him, the most beautiful person he had ever seen, and that was all that mattered.

"The truth is, I am absolutely and completely in love with you," he said, his gaze steady despite the lump forming in his throat. "Every part of me—my heart, my soul—everything belongs to you." He swallowed hard again, struggling to keep his composure.

"You are the first thought I have each morning and the last one at night. Just your presence brings me more joy than I can express..I-i can't imagine a day without you, or my life without you. You are everything to me...And I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he continued, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "To love you, to share each day and night with you, to hold you close, to watch you grow, and to see you shine even brighter than you already do." He took a shaky breath, his resolve firm despite his emotions.

“So, I asked for your parents' blessing, and they gave it to me. But the only approval I need is yours,” He offered you a reassuring smile, drawing another deep breath to steady his pounding heart and quell the sudden surge of anxiety.

He lifted the ring higher, holding it out to you with a hopeful gaze. “I love you more than I ever thought was humanely possible. So will you… will you do me honour a-and-- marry me?”

Well, that was unexpected. All the words he just said, brought an expression full of surprise and emotion. Never in your life, you experienced such love from a person. It was.. overwhelming to say the least. But maybe it's normal? Since we, people, were created to give and receive love? So when you finally meet someone so commitment to what God gave us, it feels so right and pure?

He held his breath, his mind racing through a thousand thoughts. For a few agonizing seconds, silence hung between them, heightening his anxiety. “You’re supposed to say something,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling self-conscious and vulnerable.

You chuckled softly, tears streaming down your cheeks. “Oh gosh... I—yes.”

"Yeah?" He grinned

“Of course!” you confirmed with a beaming smile. As he rose from his knee, he quickly slipped a shining ring onto your finger and pulled you into a tight embrace, lifting you off the ground with joy.

He held you close, just spinning you around in his arms, laughter spilling from both of your lips while great happiness enveloped him. His smile stretched wider than he ever thought possible. When he finally set you down, he gently cupped your face in his hands and kissed you deeply, pouring all his love into the moment.

Pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, he let out a soft, breathy chuckle. “I love you so much,” he said, his voice trembling slightly with emotion. He still could hardly believe it—you had said yes. You wanted to marry him.

“Are you crying?” you asked with a giggle

“Maybe,” he admitted quietly, wiping the shear tear with his hand

Sweetheart!Anakin who cried during the wedding;

As the wedding drew nearer, Anakin's nerves began to get the best of him.

"No, Ani, that’s not quite right," Shmi chided softly, her tone gentle yet firm.

He sighed deeply, staring at the tie in his hands with frustration. After twenty minutes of futile effort, the tie remained stubbornly askew. “Why is this so difficult?” he muttered in exasperation.

Shmi stepped in, gently nudging his hands aside to take over. “Come on, you’re just nervous.”

He sighed deeply, glancing down at her with a mixture of nerves and excitement swirling in his stomach. Today was monumental, perhaps the most significant day of his life. He was about to marry the person he cherished more than anything in the universe, and the nerves were unmistakable. His mother was right. As always.

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, his voice tinged with apprehension.

the chuckle followed her words. “Yes.”

He managed a smile, though it came out a bit forced. He reached up to run his nervous fingers through his hair, but his mother’s gentle slap on his hand stopped him in his tracks. “Stop messing with your hair.”

He huffed lightly but relented, knowing it was pointless to argue. He wanted everything to be flawless, and he knew his hair was part of that. Taking a deep breath, he tried to steady his pounding heart and quell the fluttering in his stomach. “There’s going to be so many people,” he murmured.

“Does it bother you?” she asked gently.

He shifted uncomfortably, averting his gaze as he pondered the question. The prospect of so many people was daunting, but the real unease came from something deeper. It wasn’t the crowd that unsettled him; it was the sheer magnitude of the commitment he was about to make. He struggled to articulate his thoughts. “I just…” he began, but the words eluded him. It was the concept of marriage itself that churned his insides with anxious energy. “No, I suppose I’ll manage. But… can she?”

“Don’t overthink it, Ani. Everything will be okay.”

He exhaled slowly, taking a deep breath to steady himself. His mother was right—it was just nerves and anxious energy. Feeling nervous before a wedding was normal, wasn’t it? He shouldn’t let his mind spiral. It would all work out in the end. At least, that was what he hoped. He glanced out the window, realizing that they would be heading to the ceremony soon.

His mother pressed a soft kiss to his forehead before leaving him with his friends.

After gazing out the window, he leaned against the wall, glancing at the clock to see the moments ticking away. The anticipation of seeing you in your wedding dress was almost overwhelming. It wasn’t as if he’d never seen you dressed up before, but today was different. Today, you would be in a wedding gown that would make you even more breathtaking than usual. He was sure of it. The thought alone sent a shiver of excitement through him, making his heart race and a smile tug at his lips.

“Take a shot, Skywalker,” Maul called out, already on his third drink. "You'll feel much better"

He rolled his eyes, though he understood his friend’s need for a drink. The situation was enough to make anyone want to take the edge off. He accepted the shot glass, downing the contents in one quick motion before handing it back. The warmth of the alcohol began to ease his nerves. “Just don’t get so plastered you end up embarrassing me out there.”

“I’ll make sure to record how you're crying when y/n walks down the aisle" cal teased

Anakin shot him a sharp look, but the other guys just chuckled. “Shut up. I won’t be crying,” he insisted, crossing his arms with a hint of stubbornness.

As you stepped into view, his heart skipped a beat. Watching you walk down the aisle felt like witnessing something out of a dream—no, a fantasy. You were beyond beautiful; you were ethereal, an angel descended from the heavens. Your long dress trailed gracefully behind you, and the delicate veil covering your face only enhanced your allure. As you drew closer, his breath caught in his throat, and his eyes began to well up with tears. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from you, completely captivated by the sight of you.

Maul leaned in and whispered, "You are crying."

He quickly wiped away the tear that had escaped, grumbling a soft “shut up” in response, though there was no real bite to his words. His eyes were locked on you, unable to look anywhere else. Every fiber of his being ached to pull you into his arms, to hold you close. But he knew he had to wait, just a little longer, until the ceremony was over. The anticipation was almost unbearable, but seeing you—seeing his future with you—made the wait worth every second.

Sweetheart!Anakin who cried during his speech;

Anakin takes a shaky breath, his voice already thick with emotion as he starts to speak, tears glistening in his eyes.

"I—I’m not sure where to start. I’ve thought about this moment so many times, and now that it’s here, it’s just…overwhelming..." he chuckled through already building tears "When I look at you, I can’t believe how lucky I am. Lucky doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but whatever it was, I’d do it a million times over if it meant I could stand here with you today..We’ve known each other our whole lives. From the time we were kids, you’ve been there. You’ve been my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime. You’ve been the person who’s seen me at my worst and somehow still loved me. You’ve been my light, my beautiful star in the night sky, guiding me through every dark moment..There were times when I felt lost, like I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing, but you—you—were always there, like a steady hand pulling me through. You’ve filled my life with so much love, so much joy, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find the words to tell you how much you mean to me."

Anakin paused to wipe away a tear that escaped down his cheek, his voice trembling as he continues reading the written words on the paper.

You make me want to be a better man every single day. When I look at you, I see everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I could ever need. You’re my heart, my home, and I’m so damn lucky that I get to call you my wife..And as your husband, I promise you this: I will love you with everything I have. I will protect you, support you, and cherish you, no matter what life throws our way. I will be your rock when you need strength, your shoulder when you need to cry, and your biggest fan when you reach for your dreams. I will stand by you, through every high and every low, and I will never stop trying to make you as happy as you’ve made me..I’ll be the one who wakes up early just to watch the sunrise with you, and the one who stays up late, talking about our dreams until the stars fade away. I promise to laugh with you until our sides hurt, to hold you close when the world feels too big, and to never stop reminding you how incredibly beautiful you are—inside and out. I promise to be your shelter, your adventure, and your comfort all rolled into one. To love you fiercely and gently, with every beat of my heart. And I’ll make sure that every day, I give you a reason to smile, to feel cherished, and to know just how deeply you are loved..You are my everything, my shining star in the night sky and I promise that I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you’ve made me. I love you more than words could ever say, and I can’t wait to spend forever with you."

Sweetheart!Anakin who, for your honeymoon, took you to different planets

Sweetheart!Anakin who doesn't really care if you're shaved (down there) or not shaved. He always says that for him it's not gross (since you thought it'd be for him) and if any man thinks that way, he's an idiot. For Anakin having sex with you is not only a very pleasurable activity but a deep, spiritual connection between a husband and a wife. And, he loves you. He saw the worse of you, and the best, and he loves every single version of you. So, if you haven't shaved (and you're still up for some love making), he really doesn't care about some hair to go through

Sweetheart!Anakin who is highly considerate, always thinking of ways to make you feel special and appreciated. He remembers little details and surprises you with his thoughtfulness every day.

Sweetheart!Anakin whose physical touch is a big part of your relationship. He often holds your hand, brushes your hair out of your face, and gives you warm hugs that make you feel safe and cherished.

Sweetheart!Anakin who is your rock during tough times. His calming presence and unwavering support help you navigate challenges, and he always knows how to make you smile, even on your worst days

Sweetheart!Anakin who loves taking you on little adventures, whether it’s a spontaneous road trip, a hike in nature, or simply exploring a new part of town

Sweetheart!Anakin who has a soft spot for animals and usually brings home strays or injured creatures to take care for, of course to your surprise and unknown

Sweetheart!Anakin who is the type of partner who not only encourages you to pursue your hobbies/dreams but also actively participates or helps in any way he can, whether it’s by acquiring rare materials for your craft or simply being your biggest cheerleader.

Sweetheart!Anakin who enjoys dancing with you, whether it’s a slow, intimate dance in the living room or a fun, upbeat dance at a party. He doesn't even need music, he'd just swing and hum the song, twirling you around

Sweetheart!Anakin who has a special way of waking you up in the mornings (mostly on the weekends or free days from work). He either does it by quietly whispering sweet words, gently playing with your hair, or even bringing you breakfast in bed with your favorite morning drink.

Sweetheart!Anakin who knowing your love for stargazing. He once spent an entire evening mapping out the constellations visible from your favorite spot. He even named a star after you, the one that always appeared above your house at night. The one that was slightly bigger than others, that shined more than every other. He didn't really care if this star was already named by astrologers, for him it only had one name - yours. As a symbol of how you light up his life every day

Sweetheart!Anakin who sometimes leaves you coded messages or puzzles to solve, leading to hidden surprises or secret dates. And often refuses to help you;

"Ani… please…" you whined softly, taking slow, tentative steps toward Anakin, who was casually leaning against a tree, his hands buried in his pockets, with that familiar smug smirk playing on his lips. "Just one hint."

"No can do, Rapunzel," he teased, shaking his head slightly. "I can't make it too easy for you."

"Please… Is there any way I can convince you to change your mind?" Your voice was sweet, almost pleading, as you inched closer, hoping to sway him.

He smirked at your words, struggling to keep his laughter in check as he watched you use that soft, pleading tone of yours. It was hard not to be swayed by how endearing you were.

"Nope. You’re going to have to try a lot harder, sunshine."

You stepped closer so your lips would brush tenderly against his jawline. Each kiss was a sweet, teasing caress, making it even harder for him to maintain his composure. He felt the familiar warmth of your soft, plush lips, and he closed his eyes, savoring the sensation. His hands instinctively moved to your waist

"….yeah, still not working. Not at all."

"Please… I love you so much." Your lips traveled to his neck, each kiss a gentle whisper of affection that made his resolve waver further.

He tilted his head to the side, giving you better access as his eyes fluttered shut. His grip moves down to your hips, and he murmured your name in a low, hushed tone, his mind starting to drift and blur with the sweet distraction. "You know, you’re quite the menace."

"Now that’s not the hint," you teased softly, your lips brushing his neck.

"Mm… You’re incredibly lucky I’m so head over heels for you," a smile tugging at the corners of his lips

With a final, tender embrace, he pulled you against him. He hesitated for a moment, but the look in your eyes made it clear that he was utterly defeated by your charm.

"Alright, alright… It’s behind the tree."

Your face lit up with a triumphant smile as you planted a quick, grateful kiss on his cheek. You then stepped back, eagerly heading towards the tree

Sweetheart!Anakin who's experiencing your changing hormones during your period. Sometimes you'd just say things he'd find funny, desperately trying to not break in laughter for your sake, but again, he's very patient with you. Since for him, there are times when he'll treat you like a queen you are but there are times when you need to be treated like a little girl

Sweetheart!Anakin who LOVES cuddling to you. He could do it for the whole day, just stuck to your body with no care in the world;

Anakin clung to your side, his arms and legs wrapped around you like a giant koala bear. His face was nuzzled into the curve of your bare neck. He was undeniably, hopelessly, and utterly clingy.

“You don’t want to go to sleep?” you asked softly, your voice a tender murmur as your fingers played gently with his curls, tugging them just enough to send shivers down his spine.

He sighed, the sensation of your touch stirring something deep within him. Burying his face further into the crook of your neck, he inhaled your sweet, addicting scent, mumbling against your skin, “No… wanna stay like this.”

He shook his head slightly, his legs tangling with yours beneath the covers. Tightening his embrace, he pressed himself closer, as if trying to fuse you into one with him. The feeling of your body against his—soft, warm, and familiar—was something he could never get enough of. With a lazy, contented sigh, he trailed his fingers slowly over your bare skin “You’re so warm.”

You giggled softly "Thank you, though are you sure it’s me and not just the duvet?"

He groaned in mock frustration, shaking his head and nuzzling his face into your chest, a bit more insistently this time. “You,” he mumbled, his lips brushing against the sensitive spot on your cleavage. His hands continued their lazy, loving exploration of your skin, each touch lingering as if he were committing every inch of your to memory. “It’s you. Your body. Your skin. You’re warm.”

His nose traced the line of her collarbone, a soft, contented noise escaped him, somewhere between a hum and a sigh, as he buried his face against the curve of your breast. The warmth of your body, so close and so inviting, was almost overwhelming in the best possible way. “You give me butterflies, you know?” he murmured, his voice a little breathless before he added with a quiet, reverent sigh, “Or forget butterflies… I feel the whole zoo when I’m with you.”

He breathed you in as if he could never get enough. “I love you so much,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “God, you have no idea.” The warmth in his chest only grew stronger, a mix of love and longing that made him leave a trail of tender kisses along your full breasts “I’m gonna miss you…”

you smiled softly, brushing a hand through his hair although you held back a small moan “But I’m not going anywhere.”

With a playful, exaggerated sigh, he placed his chin on your chest, enough to look at you. A slight pout forming on his lips. “But I’m gonna fall asleep, and I’ll miss you in my dreams… I just love you that much… wildly, insanely… infinitely…”

Sweetheart!Anakin who isn't the type to ask you for nudes, since he prefers when you send him the photos of your smile

Sweetheart!Anakin who won your (and his) family's kids love. Whenever your families interact, the children are just rushing to Anakin so he'd play with them, draw something for them or say something funny

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @erosmutt @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @fuckmyskywalker @slutforfinnickodair

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

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bouquetface · 3 months

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Tarot: You vs Their Ex

Not every reading you come across will be for you. I will not try to appeal to everyone. It will be specific as I can be.

Just providing an honest read of what I see. Take it as entertainment.

One.

There is a person in their past that was very egotistical. They were very high maintenance. Your person may have felt nothing they did was good enough for this person. It didn’t matter what they did. This person can find the fault in anything. If the ex didn’t do it themselves, it can’t be correct.

In this relationship, your person turned a blind eye for the sake of making things work. They are a committed and loyal person. The relationship failing would make them feel like they’re a failure.

What draws them to you is your intelligence. Unlike their ex, you seem to have a higher intelligence. It could be you’re highly educated, you’re street smart and/or you have high emotional intelligence. You look at both sides of a problem before making a decision. You are more clam and rational thinking.

Their ex was on the immature side. Your person had to deal with them in the same manner one handles a spoiled child. They were very demanding of your partner but had little to offer themselves. It’s not that the ex is a bad person. I feel like the ex probably struggles with being single. They don’t really know how to do a lot of life stuff themselves. They require someone else to do it for them. If they want a long lasting relationship, they have a lot of maturing to do.

I believe this ex moved on fast from the relationship. This may have initially hurt your person. When they meet you, they will be fully over it. It seems after the breakup, they took time to build themselves back up. They’re a very hardworking person. Probably focused on career and their own family.

In your relationship, it will feel freeing. Finally, two adults who act like adults. Now, they can breathe and relax. It feels like a true partnership. No one feels burdened with anything. You both support each other. Your person is willing to do anything to assure you’re safe and comfortable.

They can spoil you without feeling used. Protecting you feels like protecting a Queen. Whereas, with the ex it felt like supervising a child. You don’t drain them, you provide them with motivation and support. You take care of them too. They will feel so grateful for you. And they will make sure you can feel their love and appreciation. They seem very romantic like leaving notes, remembering your drink order, etc.

You are both deeply loyal. Your person may have prominent scorpio & leo placements. Fixed sign energy. When you pair this loyalty with the ability to communicate/problem solve, you have a forever relationship. Locked in for life. 🔒 Meanwhile, I feel like the ex, although she moved on fast, struggles to maintain a longer relationship. But she isn’t a concern in your relationship.

Two.

Your person’s ex is truly terrible. And I don’t say this to make you feel better in comparison. She did not have good intentions with your person. Your person may have some status or power in their life. She was after it.

I won’t lie she is likely very attractive. However, she needs to realize everyone’s looks fade with age. Under that mask, she has very little good to offer. She is not who she presented herself to be to your person. When they found out who she truly is, they felt trap.

When your person first tried to break it off with her. She told a lie that made her appear as “in need”. Your person would be an asshole if they didn’t stay with her. This lie will differ from reader to reader. But a strong example for one of you is, this woman lied about a pregnancy. Absolute crazy shit.

For others of you, she’d lie & manipulate until your person felt obligated to stick with her. It was a terrible situation for them. They’d like to believe her lies but her actions would prove she isn’t the one for them.

When they finally broke it off with her, I feel their friends & family were so happy. Might’ve been lowkey celebrating. They did not like this woman.

She is relentless, though. I feel even when you and your person get together, she’s stalking your accounts. Unfortunately, she probably will be gossiping - making fun of his “new girl”. I know this isn’t going to sound good. And if it were me, I know I’d feel really bad about this. However, I feel like your person is definitely worth it. There’s a reason this ex is so obsessed with him. He truly seems to have it all. Like the exact kind of person you’re manifesting. He’s a wish come true.

For him, you are the wish come true. He has all eyes on you. He’ll want to take you everywhere. You’ll likely quickly begin to share a friend group. I see lots of celebration. Might be birthdays or parties in general. You two are just having the time of your life. And I think this is part of the reason why that ex is so bitter. She’ll see all these fun & romantic photos on socials and it’ll make her FURIOUS. Mutual friends, his friends may even post something. It’ll make her very jealous because no one did that for her. Like I said before, his friends & family did not like her. But when they get to know you, they’re accepting you with open arms.

You guys could even be travelling early on. Road trip or a full vacation. There is prefect harmony between you and your person. Your fights are more teasing & create more passion. You add fuel to their fire. Unlike their draining ex, that seemed to be after them for the wrong reasons.

#tarotblr #tarotcommunity #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card #tarot pac #leo venus #scorpio venus #capricorn sun #capricorn venus #scorpio mars #leo jupiter

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lurkingshan · 3 months

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The Miracle of Teddy Bear Saved the Gays

Last weekend, both @twig-tea and I had time off and were in the mood to binge something, so Twig suggested we finally watch The Miracle of Teddy Bear. Both of us had missed it while it was airing live (because it didn’t have international distribution) and had been given the impression by others that it had a sad ending that included some anti-queer messages. It was also very long, so we were not exactly rushing to get to it. But we are stubborn and like to judge things for ourselves, so we decided since we had the time and the show was now available, we should jump in. And imagine our surprise when we found out everything we had been told about it was wrong (we have our theories about why). This is one of the best queer dramas we have ever seen, with phenomenal acting, writing, and direction, and we have so much to say about it. The post that follows is co-written by the two of us. Strap in, folks, because it’s a long one.

If you haven’t seen this show yet and don’t want any spoilers, stop reading this right now and head over to YouTube, where international fans can now watch it for free with English subtitles. We’re going to go deep on the show below, and because this drama is designed to slowly reveal information in a very deliberate way, nearly everything counts as a spoiler. We’ll try not to give too much away in the early sections, but be warned!

The Story

The Miracle of Teddy Bear is the tale of a deeply traumatized gay man in desperate need of healing, and the teddy bear who comes to life to help him. In the process of taking care of his person, our bear uncovers deep family trauma and many secrets and lies, accidentally solves crimes, makes lots of friends, heals a family, and saves several lives. He is a very good bear, and through this adventure he contemplates his own existence, learns how to be human, and discovers what it means to truly love someone.

This is primarily a family drama with important things to say about queer truth, and while it includes several bl storylines, it is not a romance. Intertwined with the family drama is a bl show within the show and a series of interrelated mysteries that slowly get unraveled as the story goes on. One of the things this show does best is parcel out information from various perspectives at the perfect time to keep the viewer one step behind—we found ourselves constantly almost guessing what the show was going to do next, but it always chose a direction a little to the left and surprised us in the best way.

In the end, every question we asked was answered, and every time we thought a character’s motivation felt a little too shallow, we were given more. The experience of watching this show was deeply satisfying and really made us feel seen. This show gets us.

The Characters

The Bear: Tofu

Tofu is the titular teddy bear who comes to life via drama magic and does his best to support his person. He starts the series incredibly innocent, and the show and his actor, Inn Sarin, do an incredible job of depicting the change in him as he lives life as a human, becoming more complex and less naive. Tofu is the heart of the show, and it is his love and kindness that enable the growth of the other characters in this story.

The Core Family: Nut, Na, and Kuenchai

Nut is our protagonist, and his struggles with life as a gay man are the soul of this story. He lives with his mom, Na, and their dog, Kuenchai, and Tofu is his beloved teddy bear. Yes, Nut is a cranky ass grown man with a beloved teddy bear. It will make sense eventually, we promise. Nut is a bl novelist working through old trauma via adapting his work for the screen. Na is a woman who has been Going Through It, and while we start the story with only the vague sense that something is not quite right with her, we spend a lot of time on her history as well as her growth in the present until we get the full picture. The way Nut and Na’s stories are tied together gets to several of the core themes of this show (discussed more below).

The Sides: Gen, Song, Prib, and the nosy neighbors

Our cast of friends and allies who support Nut and Tofu and have romantic trials and tribulations of their own. Without giving too much away, we’ll just say this: all of these characters have satisfying arcs, and some of them may have caused us to squeal in delight.

Specters of the Past: Neung and Tarn

Telling you literally anything about them is a major spoiler so just know they are here and they are important and you will fully understand why and how by the end. Oh yeah, and Neung looks exactly like Tofu (or should we say Tofu looks like Neung?) for Reasons (which are explained! We love this show).

Villains: Saen, Sib, Jan, and Parit

Expect these four to show up often and cause a lot of trouble. Their motives and exact crimes are revealed over the course of the show.

Other Elders: Anik, Juea, Kanya and Sittha

They are mostly here to serve a few key plot functions and represent a spectrum of parental figures (related by blood and not) and acceptance of queerness.

And we cannot forget: The inanimate objects

In this show, inanimate objects can come to life under a certain set of magical conditions, and they are Tofu’s friends and helpers along the way. Some of their stories are shockingly touching! They also add some needed levity to the show, especially the grumpy ones. Special shoutout to the cactus and the spare blanket, our crime solving MVPs. We have to admit, the animation for these took a bit of getting used to, but within a couple of episodes we were cheering these creepy blinking eyes on.

The Themes

And here is where we start to get into spoiler territory about specific character arcs. This show had so many clear and well-articulated themes, and they stayed consistent throughout the story.

Queer people can be happy

This is stated explicitly as well as demonstrated through multiple storylines: gay men can love each other, have good relationships and fulfilling sex lives, and get their happy endings. Those who argue that people should fight against their queerness because it will make their lives harder and keep them from happiness are not just wrong, they have it backwards.

Queer people can only be happy by living their truth

This is perhaps the main thesis of this show, and it comes across in so many ways over the arc of the story. We see this theme exemplified in particular through Nut, Tarn, Song, and Gen, with each of them representing different versions of the queer experience that shape who they are and how they show up in the world. Even before the story tells you, it’s clear what kind of experiences each has had from his relationship to his own queerness and his general demeanor and outlook on life. Nut has survived an abusive homophobic father, and that shows up in his anger, his self-protective rejection of others, and his struggle with emotional regulation. Gen has been raised by loving and accepting parents who support his choices in all ways, and this shows in his good humor, balanced perspective, and confidence to be himself. When we say good media should show, don’t tell us its point, this is a fantastic example of what that means.

Accept and love your queer children or pay the price

Relatedly, this story is very interested in the consequences for parents who fail their queer children, and explores a whole spectrum of acceptance from enthusiastic support to negligent ambivalence to misguided suppression to violent bigotry. We see so many different parents and parental figures react to learning about their gay sons and gain insight into them by how they respond—and only the ones who manage to get it together to love and support their kids get to keep their families. Critically, the adults who fail their queer children are convinced they’re acting in their best interests at the time, and we are along for the ride as the redeemable ones go through the stages of first admitting they were wrong but still thinking their intentions justify the pain they caused to fully acknowledging the damage they have done and making amends.

Be patient with others, you never know what they’ve been through

That said, the show also invites us to stop and consider what might be behind aberrant behavior before judging it. Tofu is unfailingly patient with others, and even with the worst people in this story, he always seeks to understand why they are behaving a certain way before giving up on them. The show slowly and methodically reveals information that recontextualizes things we thought we understood and encourages us to keep digging for empathy and missing context. People in this story behave very badly and make a lot of mistakes, but a lot of it becomes more understandable once you have the full picture.

Unprocessed trauma will prevent you from healing and cause you to perpetuate harm on others

Speaking of bad behavior, so much of what’s wrong in this story is driven by unprocessed trauma of one sort or another. Nut’s anger is at its core a deep hurt from being betrayed by the person he trusted most to be on his side. Na’s refusal to live in reality causes her to continue to hurt herself and her son. Saen’s denial about his own actions leads to far-reaching consequences he could not imagine. And the healing process depicted in the show is not linear; people who have made mistakes in the series make them more than once and advance and regress as the situation around them changes.

People are responsible for their own actions and inactions

And while the show is clear that trauma is the source of the bad behavior of these characters, it is also clear that this is not an excuse. Everyone in this story is held to account for the things they do, as well as the things they don’t, no matter how understandable their reasons are. The people who refuse to heal face serious consequences in addition to seeing the damage their unprocessed trauma causes others.

Noble idiocy leads to everyone being unhappy

One of the biggest sources of said unprocessed trauma in this story is characters making self-sacrificial choices for the ostensible benefit of others and bringing misery to everyone in the process. We love a drama that recognizes noble idiocy for the selfish and destructive act it truly is and clearly says you have to communicate with your loved ones if you don’t want to make a mess of everyone’s lives.

You can’t appease an abuser

No amount of hiding who you are or making yourself small will convince an abuser to treat you better or guarantee your safety. This theme is most obvious in the main storyline between Nut, Sib, and Na, but Jan is another example of a manipulative and emotionally abusive character who other characters continually try to play nice with, to no avail. She takes every opportunity to be cruel, whether the person she’s talking to is kind or combative in return. The show reinforces that abusers will always find an excuse to justify their behavior; changing yourself for them is pointless.

Love is wanting the best for someone, even if that means letting go

This is really the show’s core point where romance is concerned: being with you may not actually be what is best for the person you love, and if your love is true you have to accept that. The people who could not see this—Saen and Jan—were the ones who continued to cause harm to their loved ones and themselves, while the characters who honestly worked towards the happiness of their beloveds even if that happiness was not with themselves—Tofu, Tarn, and eventually Prib—were rewarded by seeing that happiness play out and ended our story truly content. The MVP of this theme is Tofu, whose pure teddy bear love for his person became more complicated and selfish as he became more human. But in the end, he held to the truth at his core that Nut’s happiness was his happiness.

You can have more than one great love, and one doesn't tarnish the others

Which brings us to one of the most beautiful takeaways from this show, and something that dramas so rarely do well. Nut loves two different men, neither more than the other, and he never chooses between them. They both hold important meaning in his life and he honors that whether they are with him or not. When Nut is with Tofu, he remembers his past love with fondness but he is clear that these memories do not make his love for Tofu any less real. A lesser show would have had those moments where Nut was thinking about his past cause him to distance himself from Tofu. But in this show, Nut sharing his past and working through his lack of closure was when he and Tofu had some of their closest and happiest moments together. This show is extremely clear that we can have happiness with more than one person over the course of our lives, and it is not only okay but encouraged!

The Resolution

From here, we will be talking about the ending, and so by necessity will no longer be avoiding major spoilers. If you’re intrigued by the above and want to avoid being spoiled fully, stop now! One of the things that is so brilliant about this show is the way information is slowly revealed, so if you think you would like this show we recommend experiencing it for yourself. If you’re still not convinced and need to know the ending before you decide, read on.

In our view, this story ends exactly as the show signals it will from the very beginning—and the way it should—and the ending is unambiguously a happy one. Tofu realizes that he and Tarn’s life forces are tied together, that it was Tarn going into his coma that caused him to awaken, and that as long as he continues to live as a human, Tarn will not recover. We and the characters have come to love Tofu in his guise as a human, but the truth is he does not belong there—he is a teddy bear, and for him to stay by robbing an actual human being of their life would be wrong. The story took pains throughout to show us how tenuous and restricted Tofu’s existence is, because he is not a real person and thus can’t live a full life (for example, he can’t get a job or safely leave the house because he doesn’t have documentation or any life experience). We also see Tofu struggle so much with the added complexities of the human experience that he becomes ill with overwhelm multiple times. He repeats to us through the whole story that all he really wants is to be a comfort to Nut. While he finds value and joy in being human, it does not change who he is at his core. And so he allows himself to be poisoned by Jan, sacrificing his human existence to bring Tarn back and exposing Jan and Saen’s crimes in the process.

With this decision, the other characters get the chance to mourn him and move on. Nut grieves, finally makes the connection between human and teddy bear Tofu, goes to therapy (!), makes peace with his mother, and writes his love story with Tofu as his next show. Tarn wakes up and begins his recovery, and he and Nut slowly reconnect and rekindle their relationship over time. Na finds joy in her lucid moments and enjoys time with her family, finally free of the hell Saen and Sib unleashed on her life. Gen and Song get their happy ending with acceptance from Song’s dad, and Prib’s fixation on gay men becomes clear when her new female love interest enters the scene (let’s go, lesbians!). We get confirmation that the nosy neighbors are, in fact, an elder gay couple. Even Kuenchai and some of the inanimate objects have character arcs! Kuenchai is instrumental in making sure Nut is reunited with bear Tofu, and we get to see a slipper gain some independence from her other half and a grumpy bolster cuddle in to comfort her people when they need it.

We end our story with several happy families who love their gay children and a call for marriage equality via Nut and Tarn deciding to marry whether it’s legal or not. Tofu is a bear again but his human life is very much not forgotten—Nut speaks to him every day, honors the love they shared, and talks about him openly with Tarn. And we even hear from Tofu again, see a final moment between him and Nut in a beautiful dream, and are reassured that Tofu is happy to still be with Nut in his original form and to see him living so well. It’s everything he wanted, and he made it happen. He truly is the very best bear.

The Purpose

We wanted to take some space to get a little extra meta and talk about why this show matters so much in the broader queer media landscape. First, it was a landmark queer television event in Thailand—please read this post by @flowerbeasblog to get the background on its significance in the cultural landscape. This show was broadcast very intentionally to educate and send a message to a broader audience in Thailand than is typically reached via bl dramas. And that’s why understanding and taking its themes seriously is so very important.

This is a story that is deeply rooted in queer truth, written by a queer man who wants people like him to be seen and understood. The show puts forward an unapologetically pro-gay message on broadcast television (on a major national network! during primetime! that does not shy away from the sexual component of queer love!) and embeds important political commentary in a fantastic and engaging story in a format familiar and comfortable for the Thai audience. It’s not meant to be received as a romance, and its nuanced and mature take on love and relationships is certainly not designed for ship wars. The writer even turns directly to the camera and underlines this in the final episode: while he respects the importance of bl in the media landscape, he has a bigger agenda in mind for this show and important things to say.

And that’s why some of the discourse around this show is so frustrating. A small portion of international fans who watched this show live seemed to misunderstand it deeply and created such a false impression of it that it caused others to stay away. Contrary to some of the takes out there, this show does not have a sad ending, Tofu’s resolution is not remotely anti-queer, and there is no woman who ends up with Nut (we are so confused that this was anyone’s interpretation; Nut at every age and several times within the show explicitly shouts about how very extremely gay he is). To see this story as a tragedy because Tofu “dies”—which he doesn’t; his human body disappears but he returns to being a conscious and content teddy bear—is to misunderstand Tofu’s character journey, his narrative purpose, and his agency. We can only assume that shipping got in the way of comprehension here, and people who wanted to see human Tofu and Nut end up together focused on that to the exclusion of pretty much everything this show was saying and doing.

At the end of this story, Tofu is happy. To think that Nut was better off with Tofu than with Tarn is to not allow for the complexities of human experience; Nut did love Tofu, but he loved Tarn, too, and their relationship was a positive force in his life both before and after Tofu entered it. And Tarn was an actual gay human man in a coma who could not wake up while Tofu existed. Tofu was the creation of Tarn’s love for Nut; his existence was limited, and he found being a human extremely difficult. All Tofu wanted was to be Nut’s teddy bear and stay with Nut forever. He wanted Nut to be happy, because Tarn wanted Nut to be happy, and during his time as a human he worked to enable that happiness. He was instrumental in moving forward several stuck characters and uncovering many secrets, all of which were necessary for Nut to get to where he ends up at the end of the show. Being in a relationship with Nut was a bonus. He enjoyed the experience of being in love with Nut, but in the end he chose to sacrifice his human life so that Nut could have a permanent, lasting happiness with someone who was real. Tofu’s human death is not an example of the bury your gays trope; in fact, it is a total rebuke of it. Tofu, and this show, saved the gay men in this story and gave them full and happy lives. We cannot recommend watching and supporting this show enough.

#the miracle of teddy bear #thai drama #thai bl #long post #intergenerational trauma challenge

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alottiegoingon · 3 months

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fluffy alphabet

lottie matthews x reader

warnings: suggestive but nothing explicit, bad relationship with parents mentioned, no pronouns used, just fluff overall, not proofread.

there's many versions for this alphabet so i did the one i liked better :)

affection (how affectionate is she?)

a lot! i think lottie wouldn't be too affectionate at first, probably a little shy, but once she feels comfortable she's always touching you. holding your hand, rubbing your knee or arm, fixing your hair as an excuse to play with your hair. would also say "i love you" a thousand times a day.

best friend (what would lottie be like as a best friend?)

i may be canceled over this but i think lottie would find it difficult to make friends and mantain the friendship right away cause she always had a bad relationship/bad example from her parents. but when you become friends, she would be so sweet. she'd help you to study for finals, invite you over to her house, invite you to go shopping with her (aka stealing).

cuddle (how does lottie like to cuddle?)

big spoon or not, she's happy either way. cuddling after a long day could fix all her problems (maybe not all of them but it would help lots!!)

domestic (how is she at cooking/cleaning...?)

since lottie always had maids and housekeepers, she'd SUCK at cooking and cleaning in my opinion. she'd be able to burn a boiled egg! but then she'd love to learn it with you.

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you?)

lottie would be very open to share her feelings. maybe could feel a bit insecure but she trusts you well enough and you'd always comfort and reassure her.

family (does she want one?)

biiig yes! lottie has a fucked up family, let's be honest. so i think she'd be very happy to have a family of her own, much happier, healthier and supportive than the one she was born into. she'd be SUCH a great mom and wife.

gifts (does lottie like spoiling you?)

do i even have to say anything? she'd spend tons of money on you. taking you to the movies, to fancy restaurants, buying you clothes, books and whatever you need. lottie feels really good when spoiling you with gifts, she loves to see you smile and how shy you get.

honesty (does she have any secrets?)

everyone has their own secrets. for lottie, it was her medication. she felt deeply insecure about it, largely because her parents always stressed how ill she was and that something was fundamentally wrong with her. when lottie decided to share it with you, she was so scared that it made your heart break and you had to tell her multiple times about how amazing, sweet and kind she is and how wrong her parents were for saying those things. taking medication doesn’t define her (or anyone else) as flawed or damaged.

injury (how would she react if you got hurt?)

that girl would go feral if you were in allie's place and had broken your leg. if the plane had crash, she'd go crazy looking for you and making sure that you were safe and alive. during her little antler queen phase, she wouldn't let anyone get too close to you and would NEVER let you go hunt.

jealousy (is she jealous?)

lottie does get jealous but not crazy jealous (unless if she's on shrooms...). if someone was hitting on you, lottie would have her hands all over you, on your waist, hair or hands, telling the person that you have a girlfriend. if they insisted, then she'd probably be pissed and scare them off.

kiss (how does she kiss you? how does she like to be kissed?)

most of the time, she'd be a soft kisser, very gentle. unless you decided to get things a lil more intense, she prefers to kiss/get kissed in those cute slow and passionate kisses from movies. doesn't mean she doesn't like it rough tho...

love (who said ‘I love you’ first?)

that's debatable. either was you or she said it accidentally and blushed at the moment you mentioned it.

memory (what’s her favorite memory of you together?)

something really corny but adorable like spending time together under a tree just talking and kissing or the moment you first had sex/said i love you to each other. or something like meeting your parents or meeting you for the first time.

night (how are nights spent with her?)

cuddles, movies and late night talks. but before she'd help you make dinner if you lived together (she would just watch, "disturb" you by getting all touchy when you're cooking, and bossing you around).

open (when would she start revealing things about herself?)

she would not bring the meds thing up until she fully trusted you. if talking about her bad relationship with her parents, i don't think she tries to hide it since she mentioned how her dad showed affection in a poor way by getting the girls a private plane to get them to the nationals.

pet names (what pet names does she use?)

baby, angel, love, sweetheart, gorgeous, pretty girl/boy if you don't use gender neutral pronouns. she's the cutest.

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)

anything. literally anything as long as you're with her. cooking together, reading together, shopping together!!!, just chatting and cuddling.

remember (does she remember things about you?)

lottie would remember everything you'd say to her. siblings/cousins names, first pet, first crush, favorite food, how old you were when you did something important or silly. she loves you and likes to show you how much she cares.

security (how protective is she? how would she like to be protected?)

very protective. if you were in the plane, she would've hugged you while crashing :(( if she was the antler queen, she'd constant watch you and make sure you were feeling great at all times. lottie doesn't say it out loud but she loves and needs the feeling of protection. she loves when you stand up for her, take care of her and hug her tight to protect her. (my poor girl she just have some mommy issues leave her alone >:()

try (how much effort would she puts into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

again, she loves and cares a lot. would plan the cutest dates and anniversaries and gift you with things she knows you'd love. in everyday tasks, she'd do anything to please you, including cleaning so you wouldn't have to do it after a long day at work.

understanding (how well does she know you? is she empathetic?)

this should be common sense at this point but lottie is SO empathetic. to you and to anyone else. she takes care of you and everyone, make sure everyone is safe. even during her time in switzerland (malcolm matthews im in your walls) she comforted that woman during a crisis. she's an angel.

value (how important is the relationship to her?)

you and your relationship with her means everything. she values and cherishes it so so so much.

wedding (how does she propose?)

if you were shy/reserved, lottie would know better than to propose to you in public. even if you weren't, i feel like she'd love to propose away from people's eyes. just the two of you. she had an entire speech prepared full of pretty words but was sobbing so hard that you had to help her through it. (truly believe she would like to get married surrounded by nature).

x-ray (is she able to read you?)

she knows you so well. she knows if you're happy, sad, uncomfortable, angry, upset. she can red you sooo easily and always knows what to say or what to do.

yearning (how well does she copes when separated from you)

she'd turn into a sad/annoyed mess. definitely has separation anxiety. adult lottie would handle it much better though, but would miss you endlessly.

zen (what makes her feel calm)

cuddles, hearing your voice talking about random things to distract her or help her with anxiety, calm songs, tea, romantic and cute moments, hearing about your day and telling you about hers.

#lottie matthews #lottie matthews x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader

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hecksupremechips · 1 year

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Honestly shoutout to Steven Universe for the representation of malachite and abusive relationships because it holds up really well and is still like one of the only abuse narratives I’ve seen that portrays how like. Abusive relationships aren’t as simple as “evil abusive person was constantly Mean and Bad to nice victim” like. Lapis is a realistic victim. She refused to leave the relationship because she longed to have connection with someone and she liked feeling as though she could have control for once, even though she really didn’t. She wasn’t nice and innocent, she felt anger and resentment and liked taking it out on Jasper. And despite how horrible it was, she deeply misses Jasper because it was the longest and deepest relationship she’s ever had with anyone and she didn’t know how to function without it

But Lapis is still a victim and we’re meant to care for her and understand where she comes from. She chose to stay with Jasper to keep others safe from her harm, and because she thought she herself deserved the abuse as a way of making up for everything bad she’s done. Jasper reminds Lapis over and over that she is a monster and that’s why they should be together, because Jasper is the only one who understands her. And when Lapis finally rejects their relationship, she mostly states it through what she herself felt and has done, saying that she didn’t like the person she became in that relationship and she never wants to feel like that ever again. It’s messy and complicated, just like how actual abuse is

Anyways yeah talk about a very good abuse narrative thanks steven universe

#steven universe #tw abuse #yeah im rewatching the show and im re remembering that im a lapis stan #the people who hated her were just really mad that she wasnt a perfect victim and its like yeah duh thats the point #shes been through a lot of trauma and does whatever she can to survive and sometimes its fucked up #but after all that she still deserves to be safe and to be loved and to be free because shes a person whos trying to better herself and heal #also its fucked that su is probably like one of the only things ive watched that portrays imperfect victims so well #which is crazy given how its the sparkly rock show for kids

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webslingingslasher · 1 year

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What if trouble was having like a crisis at a party or something, maybe like a panic attack and she either hides in a bathroom or runs to someone like Ethan or one of her friends and Peter finds her and is like ??? You didn't feel like you could come to me? And this is during the situationship so she feels like it's nothing more than sex or he's made it clear that's all he wants yk <3

you've been giving peter the cold shoulder all night.

you swore things were fine, but once you had a couple drinks in you, the annoyance of last week's argument hung over your head. peter knows it too. he's tried to be extra nice tonight, but you made sure to stay clear of him until you needed a refill.

'you wanna come hang with me and ethan for a sec?'

'nope, thanks for the drink. talk to you when i need a new one.'

the night took a drastic turn when you slipped away for the bathroom, finding yourself bouncing between bodies and flashing lights, vape clouds and screams, you break free and heave for air.

you tried to find solace in the bathroom, but you never noticed how small it felt. focusing on deep breaths until someone pounds on the door, 'hurry up! i need to pee!' it's a whined out by a person significantly more drunk than you.

there was no comfort or quiet where you went, your only option was backing up into a corner and holding a hand over your chest, doing your best to keep your heart from beating out.

you weren't sure how long had passed, but you felt like you had lead feet. everything was too much and you were shutting down, even if you wanted to move and make a break for peter's room, or the basement, you were stuck.

ethan finds you in a dark corner in the back of the house, he's unsure what you're doing at first, approaching like normal, his hand rubs your shoulder.

'doin alright, trouble?' when you gasp for air he tries to find your face, 'hey, you okay?'

you shake your head, 'i think i'm having a panic attack but i... i don't know why.' you lean into ethan’s touch as you slowly sink to the floor.

'shit, i... hey, want me to go get parker?' he's already moving, you pull at his hand. 'no. no, get ally or, or prince.' you tuck your face in your knees, doing your best to breathe deeply, while ethan looks for a friend.

skating between bodies, he finds ally. she's with paul, who's with parker. doesn't matter, you're about to explode and you need her.

'ally, you gotta- ally we need to go. right now.' the urgency has her stepping forward, 'why? where are we going?' ethan breathes out your name, 'she's freaking out, i dunno. she said to get you.'

peter steps up, 'woah, what's going on?'

ethan has no time for it, he tugs on ally's arm, 'we gotta go.' ally sends peter a soft shrug before she's doing her best to keep up with ethan.

peter get's an achy feeling before following both of them, ally's already on her knees in front of you patting your hair. ethan's chewing on his nails when he notices peter, 'panic attack.'

it's all he needs to hear, peter crouches to your level. 'hey, trouble. want me to get you somewhere quieter?' your hand reaches for his on the floor, patting around until he holds it out for you. 'is that a yes?'

your breath is racing, your heart pounding, the noise is piercing and you can't move. you refuse to cry at a party in front of everyone, it’s why you're keeping your eyes squeezed shut.

you hate that he's here, that he's watching it go down, but you're so very thankful he's able to carry you to safety.

'i'm gonna pick you up, okay? i'm going to take you up these back stairs and into my room, is that okay?' you hold ally's wrist in your other hand. 'ally can come, she can stay the whole night in there with you, if you want.'

the tiniest of nods sent peter to move quicker than he ever has. he tapped your knees so you could stretch them down, an arm wrapped under your thighs and one behind your back, he secured you into his hold as he lifted you.

your hands clenched his shirt, it was less about it being peter and more to do with grounding yourself. tucking your head into his chest when he took the stairs two at a time.

'i'm rounding the corner, trouble. ally, wanna get the door for me?'

when his bedroom door shuts behind you it's dark, the music muffles. your heart rate lowers, it's like you can breathe better, no longer fighting to keep air.

peter gently sets you on his bed before crossing over to his windows, ripping the curtains open to let the moonlight fill his room. it's bright enough you can see everything.

ally holds you to her chest, 'oh my goodness, did you see something, or hear something?'

peter shakes his head, 'she was overstimulated.' your eyebrows furrow in ally's shirt, not even you had made that connection, but he did.

'ally,' peter didn't want to sound like a prick, but, 'maybe...' he made a pushing motion with his hand. 'maybe give her some space, just for a second.' she steps away, you feel so relieved from every ounce of pressure you had downstairs, you flop backwards onto peter's bed and sigh.

seconds pass, you feel embarrassed after breaking down in front of peter, especially when he made it clear he was in no rush to be your boyfriend, if ever.

you raise your head up to look at him, 'overstimulated, huh?' peter shrugs, 'i've been there too a few times.'

ally sat on the bed next to you, 'want me to play with your hair?' when peter said it, you felt it. you wanted to be alone in a dark room, maybe not totally alone, but you wanted someone who would just sit there until you needed them.

'um,' you stop her hand gently, 'would you mind if i said i kinda want to hang out with peter instead?' ally quickly stands, 'oh no, not at all! i totally get it, sometimes no one can comfort me like matty. text me if you need me, okay?'

you nod and wait until the door clicks, you pat the bed, waiting until peter sits before you talk.

'sorry. this is probably weird for you. i just know you don't care enough to talk to me or touch me so, you know, just chill here unless i quit breathing or something.'

you can hear nothing but muffled bass and shouts downstairs, it's a comfortable silence.

'hey, trouble, can i talk to you about something?' you hum in response, you can almost hear him thinking.

'i know you put a lot of emphasis on the boyfriend thing, and i know you hate it when i avoid it. but, i'm just not there yet. and i hate that dumb 'it's not you, it's me' stuff, but it is.'

you stay silent.

'and... i know i say dumb stuff a lot, but you are so much more than just a hookup to me. so when you hit me with the you don't care, it really, really hurts my feelings. because, i care about you a lot. i mean, i'd... i'd do anything for you. and i know that doesn't seem like a lot, but for me, that means everything.'

you know he's trying, but that conversation from weeks ago still holds a sour taste on your tongue. you mumble the words with grit, 'yeah, do anything except dumb boyfriend shit.'

'stop.'

'you said it, captain. not me.'

you can feel the frustration brewing in his chest.

'you push and push and when i finally open up you throw back something i said during a fight and under pressure. would it be fair that everytime you compliment me, i follow it up with a 'oh, but do you really? because the other week you called me a fucking coward.'

silence. you don't like when he's right.

'i know you didn't get the answer you wanted, and i'm sorry, but you can't bully me into a relationship. it just doesn't work like that.'

you know it doesn't, but it makes you feel a little better. sometimes dogpiling on peter makes you feel level footed, even if it's only for a second before he's making you feel guilty.

'i just want more, peter. and i don't mean that in a 'keep pressuring you into being my boyfriend' way. i don't know how to explain it.'

peter nibbles at his bottom lip, 'can you try?'

'i just want you to talk to me, and tell me things about yourself, or your childhood. i want you to tell me about the things that made you laugh that day, or show me your interests, or hobbies or really anything that's past surface value.'

you follow up with, 'i think i just want to know i have your commitment.'

you're glad you can't see his face, he's too quiet, you think this is the part where he officially breaks it off.

'you did a good job at explaining it.' his dismissal is enough to send you screaming and running, but he adds more before you could move.

'you have my commitment, trouble. i don't want anyone else but you, and if we need to have the conversation now, i'm off limits. i have been for a while, i'm sorry if i haven't made that clear.'

tilting your chin you get a glance of him, 'off limits?'

peter crosses out his body, 'trouble only zone. i'm talking about no flirting, deleting dm requests, harsh rejection and absolutely no touching.'

'trouble only?'

peter's shoulders drop in relief when the previously unrecognized tension lifts from the room.

he nods, 'only trouble can hear about my day, and childhood, and my hobbies. and touch, trouble can touch as much as she wants, whenever she wants.'

peter has one more thing to add.

'trouble, if i'm going to be anyone's boyfriend, i'm gonna be yours.'

he knows how to keep you latched. it works like a charm. but you can't let him know that.

'hm, if i'm gonna be anyone's girlfriend, i might be yours.'

'then i might be the luckiest guy in the entire world.'

you hum, his admittance made you warm. kicking your shoes off you wriggle higher unto his bed, 'sorry, no more party for me tonight. i'll get a ride home later.'

peter's busy moving closer to you in the sheets, 'you can stay here tonight.' his bed is ultra soft, you don't know how he's able to leave it in the morning. 'tempting, but i'm not in the mood to bang tonight.'

'good, neither am i.' you snort, 'really?' peter nods in your peripheral, 'it takes two to tango, trouble.'

it's calm, then he asks softly, like he's scared of you rejecting him, 'do you wanna cuddle?' your head turns, he's just as breathtaking in the moonlight.

you're already scooting back into him, 'really? don't you have a party to attend?' peter wraps his arms around you, tugging you close and tight, he wouldn't let you slip away if he could help it.

'nah, i'd rather tell you all about my aunt may.'

#uni extras #frat!peter fics

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