#as well as Height difference and pair the spares which meant if there was a brother character you simply must find another side character

[sunforgrace]

I appreciate we’ve since freed ourselves from the shackles of One Blonde One Brunette since we’ve left the 2010’s behind. two brunettes should be able to kiss sloppy

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks For the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Two

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 13.7k

Release date: Mon. February 5, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: Now aware of Seokjin's secret, you try to take some of his...techniques into your next stream. But how well will they pay off?

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, discussion of boundaries and triggers, Seokjin explains what bdsm is supposed to mean to us watching at home, internet/cyberbullying dynamics, boss/employee power struggles, discussions of consent, peer pressure, mention of threesome, implied chubby/fat reader (it's vague enough to not adopt a specific size), mention of sex toys, swearing, sexual fantasies, m masturbation, damn Seokjin has a boner so many times in this sorry, size kink, y/n assumes Seokjin's sexuality, porn simulation games, 1 (one) reference to Vine (RIP), Dom Seokjin, kink negotiation, mention of choking and improper bdsm practices, mention of urethral sounding (but not actually happening)

a/n: Ahh hello! First of all, thank you to everyone who has read TFTS so far! It really warms my heart knowing how well received it's been, and your comments and messaged have meant so much. I really wanted to emphasize discussions of consent and boundaries in this chapter. I was struggling to write for a little bit, and then suddenly I saw this one gif of Jin on my feed and my brain jimmy neutron brain blasted my way to a 13k length chapter. Hopefully I've proofread well enough, but if you spot some serious errors please let me know. -h

On Saturday afternoon, Seokjin woke up for the first time in what felt like forever feeling rested. After checking the weather app on his phone constantly throughout the night, he received the alert that heavy snowfall was causing delays in plowing and public transit. He messaged the opening crew, encouraging them to also enjoy the lie-in and prepare for a delayed open. Instead of falling into the semi-sickening lovefest of couples peeling each other’s perilla leaves or trying to feed each other lunch, he could be spared until the evening. 

Which was good, because Seokjin was exhausted. His live last night was not planned, but after closing and apologizing to you about his gross mismanagement of power, he needed to get out the pent-up frustration that crumbled the bones in his body from pressure. 

Sure, it was the right thing to do to apologize, even though he knew he would never be able to look at that prep counter, your wide, glassy eyes, and swollen lips the same way again. But it was important to him. He could never become the kind of man he watched his boss be to him or his wife, forcing his way past someone’s boundaries to get what they wanted. 

Even years later, Seokjin was convinced that had he not shared information about Soon Yi that intrigued his boss, if he’d maybe kept his personal and professional lives separate, things maybe would have been different. And now that he was in the position of power where he was someone else’s boss, wasn’t it his duty to make sure that didn’t happen to you too?

Seokjin almost lost all his control with you yesterday. From the moment you came in with a tired, croaky voice that greeted him “hi” before the sun had even come up, he knew he would be struggling for the rest of the day. 

During multiple points of your training, he had the urge to touch you, which was nearly impossible not to do, since so much of the guidance you needed came from hand-over-hand instruction as he showed you the fluid motions of safe chopping. When his large hands covered yours, Seokjin became aware of how tiny you were to him. Maybe not in all the places, but your height, your smaller hands, they showed him how easily and perfectly you slotted into his body, like a puzzle piece he didn’t know he could ever feel matched to. 

Maybe Seokjin executed this desire to touch you a little too dramatically. When he saw your misplaced cutting knife, he let that excuse lead him head-first into white hot desire, scolding you, watching you squirm a little as you felt embarrassed for losing focus. And that seemed to unlock some feral need in him, to get you to squirm a little more, to touch you and feel the velveteen softness of your forearms as he pinned you against the prep table. 

The little gasp you’d let out sent the blood straight to his cock, and to avoid you seeing how easy and embarrassingly you could undo him–how quickly one singular sound from you would make Seokjin rock hard and panting and under your complete power–he reacted, clasped your wrists, used some set of excuses to get closer, let his arm skim across your cheek to grab a packet of whatever the hell was above you. And the way you didn’t resist, didn’t pull away from his grasp showed him how good you could be, how obedient you were as you turned around when told. 

He should’ve stopped there, but you were standing in front of him, smelling a little bit like coffee and a fruity shampoo you used, your bodies only mere inches from full on contact. And Seokjin wanted more of a reason to hold onto you, to see what ways he could rile you up, whether you were cognizant or not of how, well, submissive you were to him. 

Most of his income from streams came from scenarios where Seokjin played into a softer role, which translated into the role of a submissive pretty boy, and usually a bottom. But for the first time in years, a rich, satisfying wave of dominance rolled back into his body and he welcomed it.

Seokjin knew better, but he couldn’t help himself. The one bit of control he maintained was in his refusal to let go of your hands, even after you had mastered the motions of your knife, possibly even better than Seokjin himself could chop. Because if Seokjin declawed himself from you, his hands would absolutely wander. Up the sleeve of your exposed forearms and down the swell of your breasts and full hips. 

His cock ached thinking about how plush and soft your body would be under his hands, how he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking you. He could safely grope your sides and not feel like he would pinch your bones together, and that was important, because Seokjin liked to be rough.

When that carrot fell, you couldn’t shake Seokjin’s desperate hands off yours and you carried him with you as you curved your body toward the floor to pick up your mess. Seokjin was blessed and cursed with the brief moment he got to touch more of you than he ever had as your ass rocked back and ground gently into him. 

He’d moaned, though he tried to disguise it as a grunt or scoff, but the way your delicious ass attracted him right in between the line of your cheeks practically begged him to rut against you. 

Your reaction of shock, though, halted him as he remembered you two were in the kitchen of his family’s restaurant. He scrambled to cover his dick before it became even more obvious and humiliating. 

And then you fell, because Seokjin was an idiot and forgot he had been holding onto you. 

The sound of your head crashing into the metal ricocheted through his ears, and your pained moan sent him spiraling in panic. He didn’t think. Seokjin wasn’t the best at remaining calm during potential medical emergencies, instead of electing to assess your wellbeing and check-in with you, he just reacted, plucking you off the floor and onto the counter.

You can’t manage a restaurant without carrying heavy sacks of rice or flour, cartons of vegetables or gallons of oils and liquids into the space. That, plus the fact that Seokjin did go to the gym to keep his figure, ensured that when he had to pull you up from the floor, he could do so with ease. Which thanks to his awful, overly enthusiastic libido, was really locking in some potential size kink. If Seokjin could hoist you onto the cold prep counter without breaking a sweat, it meant he could also hoist you onto other things, like his cock. Could bounce you up and down and see how those delicious, large tits would follow his pace.

Fuck. 

This was when Seokjin realized even though he was deeply, deeply interested in these fantasies, his reality was different. Because too easily he had dipped into some innate submissive part of you and decided to play with it and tease you for it. Too easily, he has erased any boundary between professional and personal, and now you are walking around with a giant bruise on your forehead. He used his power to manipulate you, didn’t he? While the tiniest part of him argued back, suggesting it was purely mutual attraction and biology, that he shouldn’t apologize because he swore he saw something in your eyes that almost guaranteed you wanted him too, this is why Seokjin had to apologize. The “almost” of it all. He wasn’t sure, which meant the uncertainty was a risk and just because he wanted something to be true didn’t mean it was. 

By the end of the day, the intense proximity to you and the memory of your lips parting to suck his tongue into your mouth had become too much. Seokjin turned on an impromptu stream to wallow in his self pity and direct that dominant energy into something that was far less harmful and at least lucrative. 

Now, as the winter’s dull afternoon light glowed through the city, Seokjin checked his phone, seeing that the evening crew leader had arrived and informed him that everything was covered and they wouldn’t need the extra help. 

With that update, Seokjin’s entire evening just became available, which was a rare thing for him since he moved up in his job role. But because of this, he was unsure what to do to pass the time. He cooked himself dinner, cleaned, and organized the jars in his refrigerator, needing to keep his hands busy to distract himself from thinking about you. 

His apartment looking immaculate and there no longer being anything else to clean, he finally fired up his computer to play games. Maybe this would serve as a proper distraction. His new PC was set to come early next week after being delayed by the snow. Despite Seokjin’s financial success since his start as a streamer, money to him was still something he wasn’t sure what to do with. 

After Worldwide Handsome took their cut from last night’s fifteen grand in earnings, he would be walking away with about ten thousand dollars. He would, albeit quietly, pour around seven thousand of those dollars into the restaurant, where the mom-and-pop feel of the small shop was starting to show its age.

Last week, he’d called a repairman to give him a quote about fixing a broken coil on one of the griddles. After a quick inspection, he was informed most of the unit was corroding, and it was time to seriously consider a replacement. Between that, the new register he ordered, and the walk-in freezer that was coughing its last breath, probably as we speak, Seokjin spent nearly forty grand in the last month with repairs and replacements to keep the shop running another day. 

His parents had insisted they’d pay for the expenses, but after the first few discoveries he’d made of the DIY wiring his father had tried in earnest to configure, Seokjin stopped alerting them to the updates he was making, hoping that distance, age, and some fairly similar looking appliances would allow for these changes to go undetected when they returned. He had seen what this place made. He’d seen his paycheck. There was no way in hell his father could afford an $18 to 25,000 walk-in freezer on their operating budget. 

Overall, Seokjin made plenty of money with streaming, but beyond some investments and his nice apartment, as well as a savings account to ensure he wasn’t completely destitute, he lived much below his means. When he hit goals during his streaming, it did really feel like he was winning big. To buy himself a new PC was something he knew he worked for.  

Just as he was browsing the new skins in the game store, he heard the familiar chime and his heartrate picked up. 

You were live. 

He hesitated. “No,” he said out loud to himself, his voice croaking after hours of not speaking. “Don’t even think about it.” 

He knew if he looked at you right now, all the distractions, the cleaning, the dedication to keeping himself busy, would be for nothing. It would be painful to look at you–probably all cozy with your hair pulled messily away from your face, your glasses hanging off your nose instead of your usual contacts–and not think about how merely hours ago he had your heat rubbed up against him. 

If he really wanted to torture himself, he would also think about how the casual, disheveled look you sported could have been something he woke up to this morning if he’d tried a little harder, the loose t-shirt you probably wore rising up while you slept next to him, exposing the soft tummy he knew hid under it. Maybe even one of your nipples would slip out, hard from the chill of the cold winter air bleeding into his apartment. 

But Seokjin wouldn’t torture himself. He knew better. When he exited his game, he definitely didn’t launch his web browser and go to your channel that was on his Favorites tab. And he definitely didn’t cup himself through his sweats as he watched you appear before him. 

If the idea of you in casual wear could make him this hard, the view of you now, as you sat on stream with a tight, low-cut top that showed the curve of your breasts and their delicious, lickable valley between them, could easily turn every part of him into stone. You did your makeup today. Let your hair delicately frame your face. You looked like you were logging on to lure your viewers to come to you like a siren. Seokjin wanted you to devour him. 

His cock twitched and he groaned. He was such a pervert. But whoever this Y/N was, she looked like she was ready to play some games, and not the kind that Seokjin was used to seeing on stream. 

“Well, hello,” you purred. Was this really happening? Who the fuck had possessed the wide-eyed, awkward gamer he was used to watching?

“I thought, given that it’s so close to Valentine's Day, and because I missed the stream last night, I would make it up to you.” 

Seokjin froze. How had he not known you were supposed to stream yesterday? He would’ve never let you stay so late. He shot you an apologetic text,and when he looked up from his phone, he saw some of the comments flooding into your feed:

Mingisaysrelax: Um…am I on the right website? 😏💦

MountainSan88:😳 

PizzaBoy97: You look really pretty 😍

MizzVyne: Is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED?

Seokjin watched as your chat exploded in response to your new look, clips being taken by the hundreds when you leaned down to adjust your seat and the tops of your breasts jiggled. Your mods seemed to be on top of things though, because as soon as he saw raunchy or hateful comments, they were swiftly being taken down. 

“I’m not going to read my comment section right now, but I assume you’re all a little shocked by my appearance. I don’t know, I was feeling a bit inspired by another streamer I watched last night when I got home from work. He had some really good ideas on um…stuff, and no I’m not going to share who he is because some of you will absolutely cyber bully him for being associated with me and he deserves better than that.” 

He. A pang of bitterness surged through Seokjin. It was laughable, really, how he was jealous because you were watching other male streamers when you got home from work, completely oblivious to how on another site he was jerking his aching cock to his viewers thanks to how worked up you made him. 

“But yeah, I’m going to switch up the stream in the second half, if you want to stick around and see.”

This really piqued his interest, pressing his palm down onto his erection to try and relieve some of the pressure. 

You frowned at your screen as you launched your game, some first person shooter that would hold your attention so you wouldn’t have to talk.

You opened your mouth to add something, but you were immediately dropped into your game, setting your jaw as you focused on the controls in front of you, occasionally panicking, key smashing so loud that it drowned out your squeals when you were knocked over and over again and needed a revive. 

Seokjin assumed whatever teammate who kept reviving you must’ve been a subscriber who was stream sniping…or reverse stream sniping? Stream assisting and reviving as you struggled your way through the game. 

Something really stuck with him as you played. Whoever this “mentor” was must have been well versed in the knowledge that on any streaming platform, sex sells, especially for women. Your new look was drawing in quite the crowd. He wasn’t sure he’d seen you have this many subs, points, or viewers while streaming before. It was like a switch flipped. 

He felt a tiny flutter of something like pride swell into his chest. You were becoming more confident every day he knew you, from your knife skills to school teaching to now streaming. 

“Oh shittttttt,” you groaned into your mic, ripping Seokjin away from his soft reverie and back into full on, desperate wanting. Maybe you were toeing the community guidelines with this stream, but that groan sounded almost pornographic coming out of your mouth, and any chance Seokjin had at trying to be respectful was long gone. 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Oh you’re being a bad girl tonight I see,” he chuckled to himself.

Almost as if you heard him, you giggled back, biting your lip playfully. Fuck, what were you doing to him? Your chat seemed to be in a similar standing. 

As a result, One of the mods pinned an announcement to the top:

W0nW00: To maintain community guidelines and compliance, we are labeling this channel as 18+. We ask that you be respectful to Y/N and her moderators as we continue with this stream. If your account is set to under 18, you will be redirected in 2 minutes. 

Shit, all for a simple moan? 

You paused the game. “I’m going to go for a bio break. Be right back.” You set your break screen, and instead of the usual, cutesy graphic of a cherry blossom tree blowing in the wind that said “Spring Day Streams”, it was now a neon, vaporwave cityscape and said “Join Us For Spring Night Streams, An After Dark Experience”. 

Seokjin’s eyes wide, he finally released his cock from his sweats, and took himself in his hand. Oh, this was going to be good. 

Seokjin is a camboy.

That’s the only thought splitting through the headache you’ve had all morning. Is there such a thing as an orgasm hangover? Because if so, you’ve got one. If not, maybe you were concussed in the kitchen yesterday.

You’ve spent most of the day trying to clean up the mess of your apartment and frankly, your mental state. Seokjin spends his Friday nights Daddy domming his humble pool of viewers and making thousands of dollars doing so. To even think that sentence feels insane. 

And humiliating. Because attached to that sentence is the realization that Seokjin’s major success as a gay camboy means that he is absolutely not thinking about you the way you are of him, and the kiss you imposed on him at work was definitely not consensual after all, which when you think about it, is obvious based on how frantically he apologized and assigned himself at fault for what happened. He was trying in the most polite way to reject you. 

You’re an idiot. And despite all of it, the shame of your action isn’t what’s delivering the heavy punch; it’s the fact that your crush didn’t die the second you found out last night. If anything, you’ve been silently wallowing in your sadness since you woke up, your stupid heart not processing that there’s one significant reason for why you can’t have him. 

You try to trudge through the fog of it all, placing your newly cleaned toys back into their proper dust cases and compartments before returning them to the drawer next to your side table. You switch loads of laundry and drop the warm pile on your bed, grimacing at the idea of having to fold it all. 

You shouldn’t be disappointed. This is a stupid crush that was never meant to go this far. Not to this place where you aren’t just humiliated, but the loneliness that you often avoid feeling has been spilling through the cracks of your life all day. 

The laundry is the only thing that occupies one side of your bed. Never another body, his warmth, his weight existing as another living thing keeping your living thing company as you fold laundry or wash dishes. 

No, you shouldn’t have projected this crush or obsession or whatever you want to call it onto Seokjin, but in these months of conversation and blooming friendship, you’ve found your mind beginning to wander into the fantasy of not just sex, but safety and connection. He’s a man who has always treated you with the utmost respect, even now in how he has maintained a boundary that gently rejects you, even if it’s confusing. 

Before his promotion at the restaurant, there was collaboration that fostered your trust in him; your bodies started working around each other like dancers, fusing your movements with a natural flow. You’d seen some of that pop up throughout the day yesterday, which you couldn’t help but feel like delivered a bit of hope in your stomach. 

You know it’s useless to continue hoping that something will change. Maybe he’s bi, you’ve thought a few times since you went to bed. He did call everyone a good girl. But, don’t some guys call each other girls as some kind of kink? But even hoping for that still feels wrong in your gut. Instead of wishing he just so happens to like pussy, you should be redirecting yourself from the fact that it doesn’t even matter. He said so himself, he’s your boss. 

“Ugh,” you groan into your unfolded laundry. Why can’t anything ever be easy? 

You shove the clothing pile to one side of your bed as you lie down, staring up at the ceiling, your eyes following the soft pattern of cracks that have begun to appear through the paint. You already know that going back to work on Monday will be awful, not just because this crush won’t crush itself, but because you clearly now know more about Seokjin than he perhaps ever wanted you to know. Won’t it be awkward trying to talk to him? And if he asks why you’re being so weird, what will you even say?

Sorry Seokjin, I’m not sure how to talk to you anymore because I spent Friday cumming while watching you on your gay cam show as you stroked your huge dick and admittedly once I saw your face connected to your dick I had the best orgasm of my life that rendered me useless the next day.

Perfect. This won’t be absolute hell at all. 

Your stream alarm rings on your phone. You sigh. That’s right. You promised a makeup stream to your followers. 

How did Seokjin stream so confidently? Last night, the way he just exuded dominance and control, how he managed to get so much money from sitting there and making his chat do the work? It’s not only impressive but also inspiring. If you were able to have that distance from your chat, maybe things would be a bit easier, and the questions that were so personal and directed would fade into the background while ones of adoration and impersonal fantasies could take their place. 

And the money, god. If you had money like that, you wouldn’t have a stack of financial aid forms sitting on your dresser right now waiting for you to basically jump through hoops to ask nicely for a loan. 

The way he was able to be so different and make money off of it? That feels promising to you too. Because whoever Daddy Dom Seokjin is, he isn’t just walking around in the world being “on” all the time. You know him as someone whose ears flush with embarrassment the second one of the delivery guys tells him he made an error with the order and tries to diffuse the tension with some free snacks; who often hums game scores and whose laugh sounds like a squeaky windshield wiper swiping across dried glass. 

What if you could be more like that? 

Not Daddy Dom or Mommy Y/N, but more casual and detached? You could stop reading your chat and answering questions. Or if you did want to play into some of Seokjin’s sex appeal, you could dress slightly more suggestively or do your hair and makeup to exploit the male gaze’s money a bit, just like how Seokjin did. 

In this world of streaming, where everything feels like fractured versions of reality, parts of you being split among the pixels and delivered and digested into someone else’s home for their entertainment and pleasure, it’s hard for you to ever feel like you can have some close community with your followers. Not like Wonwoo does with his. Because of your start and how people perceive you now, there just doesn’t seem to be a way for you to have intimacy. Even if you tried, your chat flies by so quickly now that unless it’s a notification from a mod, any usernames and personal anecdotes are lost before you can even know who’s who. 

You think about it for a bit. It can’t hurt to try, right? It’s not like you being a little less reserved would automatically launch you into a career in porn. And if it will help bring a little more income in, lessen the blow a tiny bit, you can’t really see why it would make sense to keep doing things this way when you are this miserable by the idea of it. 

Spring Day Streams holds a standard image that is pink and soft, and you know some people love watching you because you’re hitting some fantasy they have. The woman who looks like an angel but swears like a sailor and as stereotypes often assume, fucks like a demon. 

What could “fuck like a demon” look like on an often all ages game streaming platform, though? Well, not all ages. Some streams are only accessible to registered users over the age of 18. Usually the age filter is there because the game is super graphic, or the streamer is a sex educator or swears so much the algorithm has started penalizing them. A few times though, you’ve seen some streamers playing games that are so raunchy they’re basically porn. And porn versions of those games exist, but to keep some of them streamer-friendly, they also sell versions that don’t have uncensored anime girls receiving creampies. That would definitely maintain the brand without going too far, right? 

You open your phone, typing in some of the titles of games, mostly dating simulators you’ve seen other streamers play before, and then you stumble across one called MiCamStudio, a puzzle game with the plot where you’re the manager of a camgirl enterprise and your goal is to become the most successful, richest entrepreneur while keeping your girls happy. 

You laugh. It feels a bit on the nose, but a fun way to shake things up in an after-dark concept. And it’s not too expensive, which means if this entire plan bombs, you won’t have invested much into it. Fine, you’ll do it. 

Wonwoo responds right away after you shoot a quick message with your idea to your mods on discord to help them prepare. 

On it. 

With a deep breath, you start to get ready. 

As you brace yourself to come back from your short bio break and announcement, your heart is hammering in your ears. What if everyone left? What if things get weird or gross or you think you’re being kind of sexy and cute but are really just being an idiot? 

Suddenly, this entire idea seems so stupid. What if your mom decides this is finally the time she wants to watch you stream? She hasn’t ever had the interest to, but what if she finally thinks to herself on a random Saturday night in February, “Wow, I sure do crave watching some video game streams! Say, I know my daughter Y/N streams. I should check it out!” or worse, what if someone she knows sends one of the clips or a screenshot of you with your tits practically out? 

Your anxiety is starting to win in this battle, and as you pace back and forth in front of your computer, shaking your clammy hands and trying to remember how to breathe, you see the number of viewers has dropped since the stream moved from all ages to 18+. Which means that you can now read your chat again. 

The comments are actually really supportive. Among them are some of your mods cheering you on, but one username anchors you back into your chair as you watch the notification dance across the screen. 

JokeJinSeokjin has subscribed for 3x months!

Seokjin. Seokjin is live and watching you. Which you expect to be the thing that will throw you over the edge. Seokjin, your boss. Your kind of friend. Your crush. The man who you are trying to emulate in this attempt to be sexy and earn more money and confidence. 

Surprisingly, a warm glow of comfort settles in you stomach instead. Because while maybe in all of this mess there’s plenty to be anxious about, you feel a part of you that’s determined to make him proud, to show him in this rejection what he’s missing out on. You take a deep breath to steady yourself as you hit the button to come back. 

“Ah, hello! I mean-um, hello,” you catch the nervousness pouring out of your shaky voice and clear your throat, trying to sound more composed. 

“I wanted to try something new today. Well, tonight. Welcome to Spring Night Streams, where I’ll be playing some not safe for work in more of a raunchy way type of games. Because as we know if there’s blood and guts and horror, it’s all ages! But boobs, those are a no no!”

You shakily laugh and suck your lip into your teeth. The taste of your lipstick laths over your tongue and you try not to think about how messy you just made it look. Or how you might now have lipstick on your teeth to really add an effect of clownery to your poor jokes. 

“I’m going to play this game? It came out a few years ago, but it’s a puzzle game called MiCamStudio. Maybe some of you have played it. But uh, yeah if you don’t like things like that I can always um…well I’ll just try it and see…” you trail off and nervously fidget with your controls as you open the game. 

Whatever you were expecting out of a dating simulator type game where you were in charge of cam girls, it wasn’t this. When you open the menu to start a new game, the animation that loads after you click “Start Streaming” is dozens of bra-clad boobs bouncing across the screen as it transitions you to the story line menu. 

Jesus Christ. Heat floods your cheeks. This somehow feels worse than the time your earbuds died and you didn’t notice that the audiobook of a very spicy holiday romance you were listening to wasn’t coming through them, but your phone. On the bus. And to make matters worse, you were at a part where the narrator was very generously providing sound effects and moans for the main character as she participated in an orgy with triple penetration. Yikes. 

You begin the walk-through of the storyline, greeted by Candy, a pink haired, busty camgirl who is looking to expand her horizons in the business. As you tap through the prompts, Candy starts to become less dressed, abandoning her already tiny skirt and crop top combo for a barely-there set of lingerie that covers just her nipples and vagina. 

“I need your help!” Candy pouts, her eyes shimmering with tears. “I need 400 new fans for my business or else I’ll be out of work! Quick, use this magic wand as you solve puzzles to help me get closer to my goal!” 

The wand is, of course, a vibrator. When you play through the first level tutorial and are prompted to use the wand, it vibrates the blocks, shifting them into new positions on the screen to match colors together. If you get enough combos, she has a giant orgasm, which increases her fans so you can pass to the next level. 

As you work through some of the first few levels, you notice that your view count has recovered somewhat from earlier, though the comments are kind of off-putting. Not because people are being sexually inappropriate, but because they’re mad you’re not interacting with them. 

NGL I thought this was going to be more fun and naughty. 

Yeah now she’s not even talking to us at all. 

I miss when she was bad at games and it was at least interesting. 

Someone come get me if she starts moaning again like she did earlier. 

Fuck. You are fucking this up. And your viewers are right, you haven’t been talking to them. Or really doing anything but playing the game and trying not to wince from embarrassment every time Candy moans as you make her a star. 

There’s got to be something you can do. You think about Seokjin again, who you’re not sure is still watching, but you hope some of that confident edge he had last night starts to come over you, too. What was it that he did to keep everyone engaged? 

He gave them incentive. A goal. He didn’t have to say much to them but tell them what to do and they happily did it. And that also took the pressure off of him to keep talking. 

With a deep breath, you test the waters. “Oh, you wanted more fun and naughty? Well, you didn’t really work for it did you?” 

You hate the words as they come from your mouth, but they have an immediate result. 

Loyal2You tipped 1600 points. What do you need us to do to earn it?

Your face burns hot, and you sip some water to try and cool yourself, playing it off as nonchalance rather than anxiety. You feel your stomach threatening to lurch into your throat as you force out the next sentence.  

“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe you need to show me what I need,” you smirk. You really don’t know. Money? Subs? People not questioning you? This to be over?

LongJohn69 gifted 10 subs. Maybe this will help? 😉

“Well, it’s a start. Thanks for the sub,” you giggle, forcing yourself to relax into your chair. 

“Hmm, what can I give you all as a reward? I feel like I could really use some cute new clothes that I can wear for you next stream if you help me?” 

Your voice is softened and the pitch is a bit higher. Maybe Candy’s baby voice is having an impact on you from the game, because your normal, even paced tone is taking a turn. Is this the persona you’ve been trying to find? 

But you need this money. School, your future. You can’t just keep living the way you have been. 

7DaysAWeek tipped 10,000 points. Please, say “thank you 7 days” in that adorable whiny voice, baby. I’ll double tip if you do.

You freeze. 20,000 points is $200. All for you to say something so simple and stupid? 

God, but it doesn’t feel right to do it. You could ignore it, you think. And walk away with $100 before your commission rate is taken out. Which will end up being nothing, you realize.

“Oh, hmm.” You pause and then just do it. “Okay. Thank you 7 Days for the points. I really appreciate it.” You drum up the dramatics, eliciting some horrible, embarrassing baby voice that makes your vowels stringy and weak. 

Yuck. More requests pour in, people eager to get you to recite some innocent seeming phrases that you know are fodder for their spank bank. 

You see a tiny notification flash in the bottom right corner: a private message from Wonwoo. 

Y/N, you could get into deep shit if you aren’t careful. This could potentially violate your terms of service. 

You frown at the message but nod to let him know you read it. 

“Okay, well, I think it’s time we get back to the game!” You awkwardly divert your attention back to the screen, letting Candy’s moans fill the silence as you ignore the new requests and subs for the rest of your stream, too humiliated to think about what they could be saying.

After you end your stream, you feel the damn of tears that was welling your eyes for the last half hour spill. 

What a fucking disaster. What started as a hopeful night turned out to be one of your most streamed yet somehow also least successful broadcasts. The rush of viewers at the start provided you with a great boost, but after you didn’t engage again with the requests, your views, subs, and points plummeted, leaving you with a very slim payout for the day. This wouldn’t be much of anything for your bills once commission is taken. 

You don’t know how people do this. You feel like absolutely dog shit, and you even wrapped early, pretending that you were sick. But maybe you also aren’t really pretending, your stomach feels knotted and sour. 

Something about that felt wrong, but you don’t really understand why. It’s not like you’re prudish or fear sex. On any given day those kinds of requests stack up by the hundreds. But maybe it’s because tonight you finally peeled back the dismissive layer and let them in that has you feeling vulnerable and honestly, a little dirty. 

You wipe some stray tears from your eyes, stretching across the desk to grab your phone and pull it off of do not disturb mode. You see a few texts from Seokjin that he sent while you were streaming. 

Seokjin (8:17PM): Hey! I didn’t know you were supposed to stream yesterday. I would have let you leave early if I’d known.😞

Seokjin (9:15PM): Hey, are you okay? You look really uncomfortable. I know you’re playing and won’t see this until after you’re done but I wanted to check. 

Seokjin (9:47PM): Y/N, please don’t feed into these requests if it’s not what you want. 

Seokjin (10:02PM): Call me. The second you get this. Urgent.

You read the last text, which was sent twenty minutes ago. Shit, did something happen to the restaurant? 

“Y/N,” Seokjin says after one ring, his voice strained. 

“Um, hi Seokjin. I’m just calling you back because you said it’s urgent! Is everything okay with the restaurant? Did the snow knock power out or something? If you need me to come in tomorrow too I can help with stuff.”

“What?” Seokjin pauses for a second, his exasperation now turned to confusion. “No, Y/N. Everything with the restaurant is fine.”

“Oh. Then why did you call?” you ask. 

“Well, if you saw all my texts then you know I was watching your stream. And I just wanted to check and make sure you’re okay after that? Near the end you looked pretty upset.”

The warmth in your stomach you felt when you first heard his voice is gone, replaced by a sharp, gritty unease.

“Oh. Um, yeah I’m…fine,” but the tightness in your throat betrays you and a tiny sob escapes as the tears begin falling again. 

Seokjin doesn’t say anything as you sniffle into your phone, scrubbing the dribble away from your nose and cheeks with your sleeve. 

“Hey,” he says as your cries become softer. “Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?”

“It’s kind of late, isn’t it,” you say weakly. 

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?” He repeats. 

Do you? Part of you is exhausted, tempted to just go right to bed. But you know if you lie down right now in the rest of that unfolded pile of laundry you might never emerge. 

“Ok,” you whisper into the receiver. 

“I’ll come get you,” Seokjin says. “Dress warm. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

When you were little, your parents took you on a road trip to get away from the city. You sat in the backseat, kicking your father’s chair grumpily on the first day, tired from waking up early and having to be stuffed into the car with the mountain of snacks, toys, clothes, and camping gear you had shoved in beside you. Your father was patient for the first hour of your kicks, but before long the steady thump thump thump on his lower back was becoming a strong annoyance as he navigated further away from home. 

“Y/N,” your father had sharply warned once he’d had enough. “Keep it up, and I’ll take your feet off and put them into my pockets.” 

While in retrospect the threat is silly and impossible, at the time, your five-year-old self was struck with horror as you imagined him sawing your feet off like the patients who were out in the snow for too long in that medical TV show you saw at your grandparents’ house once.

You’d tucked your feet underneath you until you were at a rest stop, where picnic tables and a small garden scape awaited you, filled with native wildflowers and lazy, fat bees that hovered from flower to flower. 

Your mother smoothed your hair with her hand, guiding you through the garden as your father bought your lunches from inside the building. 

“He didn’t mean it,” she’d said softly, feathering the tips of your hair across your cheek. Goosebumps prickled along your arms and you shivered, even though the sun was heavy and hot on top of you that day. “No one will take your feet from you.” 

You’d hugged her tightly then, still unsure as to why someone would try to take your feet from you. Your tapping in the car was mostly to keep you from feeling like you were going to be sick, but back then you didn’t really have the words to express yourself. 

When your father returned, he wordlessly placed your meal in front of you, including a large, fudgy cookie for dessert. Your father had always been proud, and even then when he didn’t apologize to you and promise he wouldn’t saw off your feet, being given a dessert was as good as any apology. 

He smiled when you licked the smudged chocolate off your fingers, eventually tutting impatiently so your mother would take you to the bathroom to wash up. Afterwards, you found him looking at a map on the building’s outside wall, with a bright cherry red You Are Here sticker signifying where in this confusing picture you were supposed to be. 

“There’s an observation point a few stops away from here. It’s supposed to be a really nice view over a valley. Y/N, do you want to be our navigator for those and help me decide when we should stop to look?” 

Laced in there was his apology. An opportunity at redemption, connection. You’d nodded instantly and scrambled back into the car, no longer upset about having to share your space in the backseat with all the cargo, ready to take on your role as your father’s co-pilot. 

You visited every observation point along that freeway that trip, all the way from the rest stop to the campground in some rural village. Some of the spots were lackluster, now overgrown and showing a view of a wall of trees and bushes and not some regal cavern or farmland below. But there were also the ones that, had you never insisted on visiting, you would have never seen half as much of the flora and fauna you’d expected to see on your camping trip. And it was the one major trip your family had ever had that made you all feel like a collective unit, ready to fight against the forces of grumpiness or foot-sawers together.

From that point on, whenever you saw the sign marker, you couldn’t help but feel a smile bloom on your face, which is why at this moment you are sitting next to Seokjin in his car, bundled up and stupidly beaming at him as he mirrors a happy but confused smirk back at you.

When he’d picked you up, Seokjin didn’t say much, just started driving north, through your neighborhood and into the rolling hills outside of the city. While this morning’s snow still clings to the trees and rooftops of some hillside buildings, surprisingly, the plows have done a good job of ensuring the road is safe and salted. You can feel the tense knots in your shoulders starting to lessen a little just from the feeling of being somewhere else for a while.

As you weave up the mountain side, toward the observation point, you gasp. 

“What?” he asks. “What’s wrong?’ His eyes bulge from his head. 

“It’s just that, I love observation points,” you say sheepishly, not sure if you should divulge your entire story. 

Seokjin nods, thoughtful. “I like to come up here sometimes when I’ve had a really bad day. Just need to clear my head. Seemed like you needed to do that too.” The car curves along the bend, some of the wind fluttering clods of snow from the trees and onto the road. 

“Yeah, I do…” You trail off, letting him take you higher into the mountain before pulling into the observation point. This one has some small cafés and despite the late hour and snowfall, there are still quite a few cars parked in the lot, some sets of families and couples strolling around with warm drinks and peering out onto the twinkling, snow-covered city below. 

“How’s your head,” he asks gently, and it takes you a minute to remember what he’s referring to. You touch the make-up covered bruise and shrug.

 “Eh, it’s not so bad.” Truly, as the day wears on, you are feeling a bit tender, but the swelling has gone down, and your worry has gone with it. 

Seokjin opens your door for you, ever the gentleman, and you try to fight off the harsh tug in your chest that likens this behavior to a date. 

The two of you head over toward one of the lookout points, leaning against the rail posts. You take in the rolling hills below, how soft and plush the city looks now, almost like it could never be a place where you feel sadness or loneliness. You sigh. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Seokjin begins gently, “but I was wondering what happened during your stream tonight.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you assure him. 

Maybe this conversation would feel more uncomfortable if you didn’t already feel so awful. You are just trying to feel a little bit better about this whole ordeal. Trying to find in you some nugget of comfort to ensure a more stable future. And hell, Seokjin had made it seem so easy. But now, you are humiliated. You aren’t sure how you are going to go live again and go back to how things were before when the internet is probably making a giant laughing stock of you, or fetishizing you. You’re not sure which one is worse. 

“So, I know when we used to be, um, friends, I had mentioned to you that streaming is something I fell into. And as you also know from working with me, I don’t have the best social skills. Or I can, maybe, I don’t know. Anyway, I haven’t been liking it that much, really. Mostly because people in the chat always ask really personal questions about me and it feels weird. Like they’re real people but they can’t be real, to me. Does that make sense?”

He nods once, urging you to continue. 

“Right, so, in all of this, I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it more fun for me. And last night I saw you-YouTuber. I saw this YouTube streamer and on his stream he just seemed so cool, and smart. And he was able to both stay engaged without telling everyone everything and had distance. But he also was kind of domin-strong, he was just really good at telling people to meet goals and incentives. And it worked, they did it. I thought, maybe this could help me be better at this so I don’t hate it so much. I could make some persona, do something different that helps me better enjoy it or make more money. I don’t know. It seems stupid now when I think about it.”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N,” Seokjin says, turning to you. Your eyes flit to his face. His nose is pinkish from the cold, and his broad shoulders are tightly bound up to his ears to avoid the chill from spreading. 

“Of course you should like streaming, but if you don’t, if this isn’t the formula that works for you, then maybe you should try something different to help you.”

“How do you do it?” you ask, realizing too late what you are saying. 

Seokjin freezes. “Do what?”

“Um, how do you maintain confidence all the time? Like at work and stuff.”

Seokjin scoffs. “I don’t. You know that. Weren’t you just with me last week when I was bowing and spluttering like an idiot to Mrs. Yoon because that one repair man backed his car over her potted azalea? I was anything but confident then.” 

You fight a soft smile. Seokjin had been trying to scoop the twiggy, out of season bush into a bucket to salvage it before offering to replace it. Mrs. Yoon however, was having none of it, chirping on about how that plant had been germinated from her ancestors’ hillside home generations ago, and despite her choosing to carelessly plop it into a busy alleyway, she was sure there was no replacement that could soothe her aching heart. Seokjin handed her a wad of cash, and a gift certificate to the restaurant in an act of good faith. That seemed to shut her up. 

“You know what I mean,” you nudge. “You have an ability to talk to people though. Even Mrs. Yoon can’t say no to your mother’s bossam recipe when you charm her like that.” 

“First of all, no one can say no to my mother’s bossam recipe, regardless if I’m there to grovel or not. Secondly, you’re charming too, Y/N.”

You chortle at this. You? Charming? “Ha, I wish. But really, Seokjin. Half of that stream was an awkward setup and I thought I was going to puke. And not because of how I was dressed or anything like that. It’s so weird. I don’t really care about if people make comments like that about me because they’re impersonal. But knowing that I am sitting there, and everyone has some expectation of how I’m going to perform for them, it makes me feel awful.” 

“Tell me about it,” you hear him mutter, but he then recovers. “It sounds like that crossed one of your boundaries, then. Just because some explicit stuff doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean that nothing ever will. And it doesn’t have to make sense. You can not care if strangers are talking about you sexually but care if you’re engaging with them and using sexual innuendos to do so.” 

Part of you is tempted to engage with the comment, to press him to explain and pretend that you have no idea what he’s speaking in regard to. But what good would that do here? Please Seokjin, can you share with me how being a gay sex cammer, which I absolutely already know about after watching you and masturbating to you, has impacted your life? 

God, how mortifying it would be for you. 

Instead, you let the comment go, cutting him enough slack so he can assume you didn’t hear him. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Seokjin adds. You shoot him a look. 

“I don’t really have much of a choice at this point! No offense, but it’s not like I’m making bank at the restaurant, and I already have chosen to withdraw from this term because of billing issues and–” 

“You’re withdrawing from school? Y/N!” He yells,  and you feel a heat of shame flood your cheeks as you see some scattered people shift their attention toward you. 

Now you were both embarrassed and pissed. How dare he scold you?

“Not from school, just the term!” you yell back. You’d made the choice in your spiral this evening, in between bio breaks. It was haunting you as you stared back at the packet of financial aid papers and billings notices. Streaming, you’ve now seen, is such a hit or miss game. And you truly can’t maintain the expenses that can cut into your work hours. Especially if you need to get a different job that isn’t streaming or working at the restaurant. 

“Is..is that where Spring Night Streams is coming from?” he asks, face flushed with embarrassment at his outburst. Your anger dulls.

“Partially. This felt like some way to sustain myself without it draining me. I thought maybe if I look pretty, people won’t just come and try to either ask me super personal things I don’t want to share, or they’ll just feed into basically the illusion of sex and pay me that way. And I can continue to play games and suck at them or be good at them, but the original reason behind why they came to my stream could be replaced with a different person, someone who isn’t so closely trying to dig into me.

“But, then I fumbled the bag, and you saw it. The viewer count was fluctuating so bad, and the second I interacted with that one comment, suddenly I was toeing the line for TOS and could easily have jeopardized my entire branding and be permanently banned from the website for sexual activity. Tonight was one of the lowest payouts I’ve made since I started. And now I know too, this could all just as easily go away if I’m not being…I don’t know. Compliant.” 

Seokjin makes a dissatisfied grunt, his breath coming out in a white puff. Now past eleven, most of the couples and families have dispersed, and the cute café that had advertised decadent looking hot chocolates is closed. The only thing remaining open is the tiny convenient store. 

You try to suppress a shiver but fail. 

“Come on,” he says, guiding you away from the railing and toward the store. 

Inside, the shopkeeper doesn’t even flinch or look away from his phone, which is streaming some sports match in Spanish. 

Seokjin places his hand on the small of your back as he guides you over to the drinks section, gesturing for you to select something from the warm options. 

“I wouldn’t recommend anything pre-made,” he warns, his voice low. “That stuff has probably been here since this morning.” He helps himself to a tea packet and the hot water dispenser. 

You browse a little and find a packet of hot chocolate. While it may not be the fancy, marshmallow delight pink drink that the café had advertised in their window, this will do just fine. 

By the time you’ve gotten your drink mixed together, Seokjin is waiting for you at the counter, a selection of different snacks piled high and a gentle smile on his face despite how bothered and grumpy the shop worker is toward him, practically smashing the food into a bag and muttering a total. 

You hadn’t given yourself a chance to really look at him before, but as he stands before you, you can finally take in how incredible he looks. While he’s wearing some gray joggers underneath, he’s elected for a long black puffer coat and green knit sweater and somehow looks so put together, so…boyfriend. 

Your heart flutters a bit and you try to tamp it down. This isn’t a date, you remind yourself, Get a hold of yourself Y/N. 

As you head back out into the chilly air, you both settle into a table outside of the convenience store, and Seokjin pulls the snacks out of the bag, all of which are your favorites. 

“You remembered?” you ask, a little stunned that he would commit all your tiny convenience store runs to memory over the months you’ve worked together and would split packets of sweet potato puffs and tiny, sweet cakes. He shrugs. 

“Morale is low. You need the boost. Now pass me some of those chips, I’m starving.” 

Your stomach growls in agreement, and you pop open the bag, nibbling away quietly. 

“You don’t need to people please to be a good streamer,” Seokjin says finally, rinsing his mouth with his tea. You chew your bottom nervously but wait for him to continue. “There’s tons of people on the internet who do streaming for all kinds of uh, stuff. And they make a ton of money without compromising their values to do so. Maybe instead of focusing on what you think people want in a stream, do what you want instead.” 

You sigh. “See, that sounds great and all, but when I tried that today, people got mad and left. Did you see all the donations trying to get me to say things or do stuff after that first one?”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, taking a big bite of a chocolate cake thing and chewing diligently. “Welrr,” he begins, his mouth stuffed full, “I guesh you have to undershtand dat peepo on dee internet will always chewz sex first to get what dey wan.” He swallows. “And if that doesn’t work because someone sets a boundary, fuck them.” He pauses. “Not literally!” A blush creeps up his neck. 

You laugh. “I thought you limited your swearing to mostly angry kitchen interactions,” you say, and sip the watery hot chocolate. You wince. 

“You chose wrong with that hot chocolate. I’ll make it up to you next time.” Next time. Your stomach leaps. 

“But you don’t see it because I’m trying to maintain a professional air most of the time. But I say shit, piss, cock and fuck pretty regularly.” Like when you’re camming, you mentally note. 

“Yeah, so, speaking of that. And boundaries. This isn’t really the most professional boss-employee relationship happening right now.” You gesture around you. You didn��t want to say it, but you know it needs to be addressed. Seokjin and you really need to figure out a new set of rules, especially now you know what he does after dark, and he’s watching your streams, too. 

He pauses and sighs. “Shit, yeah, you’re right. Look Y/N, I do want to talk about that. And we can address it. But before we do, I want to finish talking to you about what happened earlier today. Can we do a brief boss-employee dynamic halt for the rest of the time we’re up here? I want to talk to you as a friend right now, which we once were, even if it was for a short time. Will you let me do that?” 

You look up at him, and he’s gazing back with intensity, and also something that looks almost like desperation. 

“Okay,” you say. “For the rest of the time we’re out of the city. We are just two people. Friends. Not boss. Not an employee. Just us.” 

He smiles at that. “Yeah, just us.” 

Seokjin tried to not kick himself in his own ass for doing what he was doing now. Bringing you up here, to his safe place, was far too intimate of a decision. But when he’d watched the rest of your stream, watched you do stuff that– while he couldn’t be absolutely sure but he could assume– tested your boundaries and comfort, he knew he couldn’t just let you spiral by yourself. 

He’d been there before. During a show earlier in his cam career, Seokjin was once asked to try a more extreme kink on his stream which involved a thin metal rod that he would push into his urethra for pleasure. 

He’d agreed to try it before he’d even looked it up, and even when purchasing the equipment, he’d felt really queasy and knew he would hate it. But he’d promised, which he now understood was a fake law people set for themselves to push them past their limits. On the stream where he tested it out, he started shaking and crying, stopping before he could even open the package with the rods in it and ended his stream early. 

From then on, he had spent more time learning about kinks and BDSM. It was much more psychological and technical than he’d realized, with precise and careful movements, components of care, and more thoughtfulness than he’d ever really learned from porn or the internet. 

While he and Soon Yi had been exploratory in their sex life, it wasn’t like they’d ever done proper research when they were together. Looking at things now, he felt a little sickened knowing she could have gotten seriously hurt the times he choked her, not knowing the right placement of hands or pressure to make sure he didn’t cause permanent damage. 

Seokjin then reassessed his boundaries. He never wanted to position himself on his streams where he would succumb to pressure for money and compromise his own safety or desire. This was supposed to be fun.

The main tenets of BDSM are safe, sane, and consensual, which is hard to define on the internet. When something is leaked or found by the wrong party, it can especially compromise consent. With a permanent imprint of something existing once agreed upon, at any point someone’s right to withdraw consent can be invalidated simply because there’s a paper trail. And if that happened, then safety and sanity were sure to be called into question too.

Which is why Seokjin couldn’t stay silent after he saw you drawing breath after shaky breath after the first exchange with that follower. The instant regret that bloomed on your face as you so easily traded your comfort to make money, he never wanted you to feel that or experience it again. 

Which is why you now sat before him, the residual makeup from your stream still there but smeared, a thin looking peacoat doing a lot of work to protect you from the elements. This is why he said dress warm. Why were you wearing a glorified blazer in this weather?

He knew his time was limited with you, and that yes, he was already compromising this boundary that he’d set. But boundaries could be redrawn, and in this moment, he didn’t want the only thing protecting you right now to be that peacoat. He needed to protect you too. 

Granted, you probably were questioning his qualifications in this, and for a brief moment he considered telling you, but he quickly dismissed the idea when he remembered the video of him cumming and saying your name existed on his page if you’d ever gotten curious. Behind a paywall, sure, but it was there. 

No, for now, it was Seokjin and Y/N, friends. Us, he thought, and his pulse quickened unhelpfully. 

You sat in front of him, sipping at that awful hot chocolate, waiting for him to deliver more of his advice. He hesitated to speak more. Here you were, attention fully focused on him, and the dependence on him to get you home tonight, to move back into a world that wasn’t just you two and your own little universe, and all Seokjin was doing was considering how long he could carry on the pause. 

Maybe he would never speak again, and you would have to stay here forever, on top of the mountain as the snow began to gently fall around you two like you both lived in your own private snow globe. 

Wait, snow? Seokjin blinked, and sure enough the flakes were swirling around you both again, the wind kicking up your hair. You let out a sharp shiver, and that broke the fantasy of staying here. 

He ushered you back to the car, where now the snow was coming down in thick, heavy globs that signified the moisture in the air had increased, which made sense. Back in the city, the forecast had said it was set to rain, but he’d forgotten elevation impacts the weather, and that the change of moisture in the air also could result in ice on the way down. 

As you warmed your hands in front of his heat vents, he tried to think of his next move. It was now after midnight, which meant the road authority was probably not planning on plowing the roads anytime soon, and the accumulation quickly erasing the parking lot around you was a sure sign that it soon would be unsafe to drive. 

If you stay here any longer, you might be stuck together all night, an evil idea glinted through his head, and he felt a pulse of desire run through him as he caught a whiff of your soft, sweet scent. 

It would be kind of hot, the two of you snuggled in the backseat of his SUV, you clinging to him tightly to keep yourself warm through the storm as you used his parka as a blanket, the windows fogging up to give you two privacy as you moved tighter together, panting into each other’s mouths when you rubbed up against him and–

No. He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. Urging his steadily inflating erection down, he glanced over to you, noticing you were still shivering. 

He sighed. God, why did he have to get hard right now, in gray sweatpants no less? Nothing screamed “boner alert” more than seeing a dick swelling in light colored sweats. But you were still cold, and he decided he would rather risk you seeing him hard than your teeth chattering or you getting sick. 

Seokjin removed his puffer, handing it to you. “Here, put this on,” he ordered, and you looked at him, a tremor rocking through your body as you tried to eke out a “thank you”.

You began to put the puffer over your peacoat, but Seokjin shook his head. “I think your peacoat is useless right now. Maybe you should take that off and just wear mine. And then, consider getting a new coat,” he teased. 

You hesitated. “Uh,” you said. Seokjin’s eyebrow raised, and he swiftly adjusted himself in his joggers while you looked down at your coat before sighing and unbuttoning it. 

Fuck. You still had on that same top from earlier, and Seokjin could now see that it wasn’t just a sexy, low cut top that showed your heavy and full breasts, but that it also had a large keyhole cutout through the back, which meant you didn’t wear a bra with it. He bit his lip as he took in your hard and prominent nipples. God, no wonder you were cold. You were practically naked. 

His cock twitched, and any attempts he had at concealing his erection were useless. He was now definitely going to be fully hard for the rest of the drive. 

You zipped yourself into Seokjin’s puffer and let out a satisfied sigh as you nuzzled into the warmth. Seokjin took the opportunity to snatch your peacoat from your lap and drape it over himself, praying that would help conceal some of the compass-pointing-north bullshit he was trying to stave off. 

Unfortunately, you snuggled into his coat was just making it worse. 

Clearing his throat, he started the car, and slowly began testing the surface of the parking lot. It was a little slick, but nothing too bad. If you stayed any longer, though, you would definitely be here overnight. 

With a silent, sad nod to the outlook point, Seokjin prepared himself to head back to reality, where your moment of connection would be replaced by workplace congeniality. 

About halfway down the mountain, the snow surely turned to a heavy rain, aggressively battering down on the windshield and making it nearly impossible to find the lines on the road. 

“I’m sorry, I think I should pull over,” he apologized and you agreed easily, your shoulders relaxing a bit as he pulled over to the side of the road. 

“Well, we never really got to finish talking about stuff anyway,” you offered generously. 

Seokjin smirked back. “Yeah, we didn’t. Look, what I wanted to say earlier was that with streaming, you shouldn’t have to compromise on what you want to be successful. If people leave your stream because they can’t hear you baby voice their requests so they can get off, then fuck them. They aren’t the community of people you want to watch your content, anyway. Those are the type of people who are never satisfied, who will just demand more from you. Sooner or later they’ll be less kind and be aggressive and threatening. And you don’t deserve that, Y/N.” 

He sucked in a breath. “You just need a chance to build confidence, that’s all. Assuming you even want to continue doing these streams. I know you said you don’t feel like you have much of a choice, but maybe I could help you out. Uh, I could give you a raise or something so you could quit! And with school, too, I’m sure we could figure out something! Maybe if it’s not too late you could go back and––”

You held up your hands, signaling for Seokjin to stop talking. 

“I’ve made up my mind! And I don’t think giving me a raise or trying to help me with school would be a great way of maintaining that boundary we are supposed to have, remember? Something tells me a boss isn’t supposed to offer his employee an undeserved pay raise for her personal issues.” You huff.

You were right. Seokjin chuckled. “Okay, fair. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to throw everything away like I did.” 

You whipped your head over to him. “Listen, Seokjin. I appreciate that you care and don’t want things to happen to me. But I’m also not you. And you also didn’t throw everything away but that’s another topic completely, one I thought we discussed yesterday morning. Regardless, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here and I need you to help me understand what exactly is happening right now. Are you my friend or my boss? Because right now it feels like you’re telling me what to do like you are in charge of me but hiding it behind the guise of friendship and that’s not how this works. So explain. Ideally before you drop me off and we don’t speak again until Monday.” 

Seokjin swallowed hard, an anxiousness beginning to swirl in your stomach. This whole conversation felt like it was going south really quick. He scrambled to steady himself and took a deep breath.

“You’re right,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He hadn’t styled it today, and the black strands were sticking to his forehead from the melted snow. “I’m sorry. You have every right to decide. And you’d said before that this was a temporary pause. And even if it wasn’t, that’s also your choice.”

“Again, yes, you’re right. But I also don’t see why you seem to care so much!” Your volume raised in annoyance and you crossed your arms over your chest in a puff. “You don’t get to decide I’m some soft little flower who can’t advocate for herself! Like yeah, I feel shitty about what I did but I’m just trying to figure out my boundaries, just like you said earlier! So yes, I have the right to decide if I want to go back to school or not! Thanks for pointing that out!”

If he hadn’t been getting chewed out right now by you, Seokjin would’ve thought you were the cutest thing he’d ever seen, your mouth settled into a sharp frown and your eyebrows knit together as you argued with him. 

Instead though, he felt like a jackass. He’d seriously overstepped in his attempts to protect you, and guilt washed through him as he realized he was placing himself into your shoes. Even if your situations were scarily similar, you still had the right to do what you wanted without his interference. Besides, his intention was to provide safety for you, not control. Maybe he’d underestimated you earlier and how you were utilizing your stream. Yes, you were uncomfortable, but it’s not like you were a child who was set to be taken advantage of, or that you’d make the same mistakes he would.  

“I-I care about you, Y/N. We’re friends. I know being your boss changed a lot, and while I sign your paycheck and have to give you orders, it’s not like that change in role made me care less. It’s not that easy.” 

You uncrossed your arms. “But,” you started, your tone softening, “you can’t both tell me what to do as my boss and tell me what to do as a friend. I’m not clocked in, Seokjin. And that’s why this is so fucking hard. Because my boss is the one who took me up a mountain after apologizing to me yesterday for his “gross misuse of power” when I’m the one who kissed you sitting on a fucking prep counter! And yeah, we were friends before you were my boss, and that means I learned to work with you and trust you as my coworker, and we shared interests so you can watch my streams and tell me about MapleStory. We have history and it’s not something we can deny. But you keep acting like I am not in control, like I am not an adult. 

“I would love it if we could stay on this mountain forever,” you added, taking the words Seokjin was thinking earlier and making them real, “because, maybe then we could just stay friends. I miss you as my friend! And I wouldn’t feel so…weird now trying to figure out which guy, Boss Seokjin or Friend Seokjin, is talking to me.” 

Seokjin was unsure what to say, just that he knew he’d fucked up yesterday not just with his behavior in the kitchen, but ultimately how he set boundaries with you. 

“I don’t know what to do about it, Y/N,” he said weakly, honestly. 

“Can I then offer a suggestion?” Your voice sounded frustrated, on the verge of yelling. He nodded. 

“On this mountain, right now. You are my friend. And any other time when we aren’t at work, we are friends. We are not the first two people who started a friendship and had a power dynamic at work. I don’t know what happened in your past that makes this so hard for you, and you don’t need to tell me. But whatever you said yesterday, it wasn’t true. I want you to trust me when I say you didn’t take advantage of me. Was it kind of stupid and inappropriate on both our parts? Sure. But I’m not this weak, breakable thing. You said so yourself with my boundary-setting for my stream that I just need confidence to assert myself and make sure I don’t get taken advantage of. So let me start with you. Help me start with you.” 

You leaned a little closer and Seokjin’s heart beat erratically. “I promise, Kim Seokjin, that whatever happened in the kitchen yesterday was consensual. At least on my end. And that I do hold you in regard as my boss during work hours most of the time. But I can’t fucking stand if you continue to uphold this standard when you talk to me as an authority and then immediately pull a hypocritical move and try to be my friend after. It’ll drive me crazy.”

Your voice was shaky now, like you were holding back tears. Seokjin fought the urge to pull you close to him, but god, how he wanted to. 

“What you do need,” he asked and you sighed. 

“Clear communication. On both sides. No more deciding for me. On anything. If I say no at work, it’s just as valid as saying no in private, even if it’s something you think is what’s best for me. Even if you don’t like it. Because you don’t know what really is or isn’t until I tell you.” He nodded in agreement. 

“I can do that. And I’m sorry again, for how confusing this must’ve been. I acted selfishly when I decided that my position as your boss overruled and negated any of our history. It was never going to be as clean as I wanted it to be,” he apologized. 

You managed a sad smile but nodded, a sign you accepted his apology. 

“Thank you. And also, I do want to continue doing the streams. I didn’t get to say that before. I do want to try after dark stuff. Because it feels like it could be fun, could help me stay involved but less personal if that makes sense. And…” You trailed off, humming to yourself as you tried to find the words for your final thought. 

“I really would like it if I could have your help in this. To help coach me in a way to maintain that boundary. You did have some really great points on execution. And I think maybe your experience in cam-leadership and management could help me both continue doing this but also finding what I want. And I need a friend for that. Not a boss or manager.” 

Seokjin’s eyes widened as he caught the last of what you were saying. 

“Wait,” he said, trying to put the pieces together. Were you asking what he thought you were asking? “So…you want me to help you run an adult-only, after dark gaming stream?” You laughed. 

“I need you to be my confidence coach,” you clarified. “Help me learn how to say no to my fanbase and keep myself calm throughout a stream so I don’t compromise. And like, I don’t know. We can iron out the details, the idea is so fresh to me, but I need you, my caring friend Seokjin, to make sure I don’t break the terms of service again and ban me from streaming.”

He blinked a few times, unsure how you’d arrived at the conclusion that he would be any good at this. 

But Seokjin knew he would be. He did this multiple times a week, and it’s how he knew you were heading toward trouble. What if he could help you learn how to protect yourself? Because you were right, you didn’t need anyone to save you. But you maybe needed someone to show you. And he could be that person. 

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll do it.”

As Seokjin pulls up to your apartment nearly an hour later, you feel a slight sadness that your night is over. On the way home, as the rain steadily poured and the city lights came back into a clear view, you’d felt a tug of worry in your gut that because you were back in the city, your agreement to stay friends wasn’t real, and that any moment Seokjin would be cold and formal, withdrawing his agreement to help you with streaming. 

You’d had the idea in the car in somewhat of an epiphany, sorting through the confusing dynamic you’d been shoved into. It made sense to you, now. Instead of trying to model yourself after the master, why not learn from the man himself? 

Despite your initial anxiety that he would back out, Seokjin if anything is all the more reassuring, gently nudging you with your peacoat in his hands to signal it is time to trade. You nod sleepily, shrugging it off your shoulders and trying to ignore the disappointment you have in no longer being enveloped in his warm scent. 

As you tuck your arms back through your sleeves, Seokjin gets out of his side of the car, the rain still beating harshly, but he appears even more determined to open your door for you, opening an umbrella to keep you and your coat from getting pounded on. 

You try to insist on sharing the umbrella, but Seokjin shakes his head, guiding you forward toward your apartment complex’s front door. 

“Thank you,” you say as you step under the lip of the roof with him, smiling up at Seokjin, who is already soaked. His black hair is piecey and dripping down his face, plastering a few disheveled pieces across his forehead. “God, you really should’ve used the umbrella too! You’re drenched!”

Seokjin laughs a hearty laugh, the squeaky, windshield wiper one that makes your chest burn. “Please, that coat you’re wearing is pathetic. I had said dress for the warmth and you picked one of the worst things you could find. Even a standard issue blazer has more weather resistance than that thing!” 

“Excuse you, but this coat most of the time is fine. And also, I thought you were just saying it as a formality! If I’d known we were heading into a literal mountain I would have changed my clothes!” You bicker back, your laughter filling the space between you two. 

“Yeah, well, now you know for next time,” he says, eyes flickering with something you almost categorize as lust. 

You beam. This time the idea of next time feels possible. If Seokjin and you can work on these weird work boundaries, there might be a hope something comes from this after all. Unless he’s gay, which you still can’t quite figure out, but you try not to think about that as he shakes his head like a big dog. 

“Okay, Sparky,” you joke and glance down at your phone. It’s very late now, and your body is quickly succumbing to the exhaustion of the day. “I’ll see you Monday?”

Seokjin’s shoulders sag, and he sighs, stepping back into the rain. “Yeah, I should probably let you go now. I’ll see you on Monday. And Y/N?”

His lips turn into a smug smirk as the rain soaks through his clothes. “Don’t forget that you promised me a crate of julienned carrots”.

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[spacemonkeysalsa]

God of Ambivalence

A tiefling Artificer splits a large stone on a beach to discover a one handed-wizard inside.

Pairing - Male OC/Gale (and some Shadowheart/Lae'zel which I mention because as of chapter fourteen there are more scenes of the two of them together than my main couple, but that's because I love me a slow burn and full disclaimer this is like an actual novel)

Chapter fourteen spoiler - A tiefling, a wizard, a githyanki monk and a cambion in disguise run into a fey creature who is interested in acquiring a new warlock.

Read Chapter One on Ao3

Read Chapter Two on Ao3

Read Chapter Three on Ao3

Read Chapter Four on Ao3

Read Chapter Five on Ao3

Read Chapter Six on Ao3

Read Chapter Seven on Ao3

Read Chapter Eight on Ao3

Read Chapter Nine on Ao3

Read Chapter Ten on Ao3

Read Chapter Eleven on Ao3

Read Chapter Twelve on Ao3

Read Chapter Thirteen on Ao3

Read Chapter Fourteen on Ao3

Or read Chapter Fourteen below

There was probably only a hair of difference between Erakis and Elion when it came to height—Elion’s horns helped. All the same, it seemed like Erakis had longer legs and could outstrip all of them with humiliating ease. He was far ahead, finding paths that Elion’s eyes couldn’t see, and guiding them through the underbrush with no small amount of impatience. The journey to meet with his ranger friend and to use her portal was only meant to take a day—but was that according to his personal pace? If so, they’d have to make camp well before they got there.

Gale was predictably in the rear of the group, still recovering, in spite of what he said, and in spite of what the cleric had insisted. At certain times there might be a full quarter mile between Erakis and Gale, with Elion and Xan hovering in between to keep the group from splitting completely.

They talked, mostly of the wilderness around them and what they were seeing. Elion could feel the subject of their poor pace bubbling closer to the surface as each of them took it in turns to let their anxiety get the best of them and glance back over their shoulders at the wizard.

“Seems like your family is close with Arabella. Has she always stayed in this area?”

“Not at all,” Xan shook his head. “I understand that my moms met her in that druid’s grove near Moonhaven, but she’s nomadic. I’ve known her my whole life, but only for a few days at a time, and never in the same place twice.”

“Your whole life? I thought she was younger than me when I first laid eyes on her.”

“Something to do with her nature. Chosen of someone. Of something. We can only speculate. She started as a normal tiefling. Then changed. Rolan’s the same.”

Being a tiefling on its own was complicated. People were already frightened of them on sight—of the implications. Rolan and Arabella had the power to isolate themselves as needed. It was hard not to be intrigued by that. “You traveled around a lot too?”

“Had to,” Xan admitted, a little grim quirk lifted one side of his thin mouth. “When on Toril, I’m something of a novelty. That’s fine for a short time, but a novelty in one place too long becomes a pariah. On other planes, the same became true, and this world held me all the more.”

“I know that feeling,” said Elion, “not really belonging anywhere.”

“In spite of insistences.”

“Constant,” Elion groaned. “I can hear my mother’s voice now. She was always telling me I belong anywhere I stand. I wanted to believe it.”

“You’ll go see them, while in Baldur’s Gate? Your parents?” Xan asked.

“I think I must,” Elion both looked forward to it and dreaded it. Six months was the longest he’d ever gone without seeing his family, but the circumstances of the present reunion were not ideal. They hadn’t parted on the best terms and he would have deeply preferred to return with something more impressive to show for his time away than a few new muscles and a very disappointed master. “They’ll be a little insufferable.”

“They’ll want you to stay.”

“Yes.”

“Will you?”

“I don’t know,” Elion paused a moment to spare a glance back at Gale, but was reassured to notice that the wizard seemed to be improving his pace, gradually. Perhaps he’d gotten a second wind. “What do you think? When did you leave home? Really leave?”

“In a sense, I never did,” Xan admitted. “And in another sense, I never really had a permanent home to begin with, in the Faerûn tradition. The little cottage where my grandfather lives would be close. But, I have spare memories of living there with him, and both my mothers—more distantly, my grandmother. The githyanki may never know peace and independence, but it won’t be for lack of effort. That effort has taken me from one plane to another at frequent intervals, since I was old enough to remember,” Xan admitted, frowning. That much, Elion had surmised, but hearing Xan say it with all the weight of his life behind those memories made Elion appreciate that he’d had a relatively eventless upbringing, it also made him feel very young. He supposed he was, but it was easy to forget that, being a member of a species with such a short lifespan to begin with. He’d felt ancient ever since he realized his life was a quarter over, at best, and he felt it had barely started.

Xan smirked, “It seems like the first time I left home I must’ve been very young. Just the day before my mother had been chasing me around the garden in play,” he stroked his little beard and recalled with a note of laughter, “she used to remove her false eye and hold it out in front to frighten me. I’m still not sure if she can actually use it to peer around corners like that, but she always acted like she could.”

Up ahead, Erakis had stopped walking, but Elion had the sinking feeling it was not because he was waiting for them to catch up. The man’s massive back bent as he crouched low. He seemed tense, and Elion quieted his footfalls. Xan was sure-footed, but seemed to follow suit, turning to swiftly and silently throw a gesture at Gale.

It could be any manner of beast, or an ambush, or some spectacle. Not for the first time, Elion thought how foolish it was that they ever thought that they might make it to their destination in a single day, without any upsets, detours or disasters. That simply wasn’t how these things worked. Erakis wrapped one large hand around the polearm of his spear, which did nothing to assuage Elion’s concerns. “Should we wait?” He caught Xan’s arm.

“You stay here, keep out of sight. I’ll make sure he doesn't need help.”

Xan moved like a scuttling reptile, silent and so fast it made Elion feel a little dizzy to imagine moving under his own power that way. The Monk reached Erakis so quickly that Elion had to privately acknowledge, somewhat sheepish, that if Xan and Erakis had traveled on their own, they probably would have reached their destination already. The two exchanged a word, seemed to be arguing. Xan gestured in front of them and gave a shrug. Erakis rolled his entire head and beckoned for the other two to approach. It was safe, apparently.

When he reached them, he saw that the hold up was just a small group of travelers ahead on the road. They were in some distress, having broken a cartwheel. They appeared to be nothing more than a little human family, with two young children and an old granny snoozing in the back of the lopsided cart. A man was trying to dig beneath the cart, perhaps hoping to get under it enough to put a new wheel on, but where they’d get a new wheel, Elion couldn’t say.

“Just some travelers in need of aid.”

“I could probably fix the broken wheel—or if not, I’m sure Gale could conjure a new one,” Elion suggested.

Erakis looked like he wanted to protest, but didn’t seem to be able to form the argument. Sensing his unease, Xan said, “They don’t really look dangerous. And it won’t take long to give them a hand.”

“Do as you like,” Erakis’ mouth, jaw and throat were all tight as he turned away.

For the life of him, Elion couldn’t discern what the problem could be. He suspected that Erakis was already annoyed with them for taking longer than expected, but maybe he could alleviate some of that irritation if he just showed off how simple it was to repair the cart with the tiniest bit of magic—or even just basic engineering. Elion had both skills at his disposal. 

The family hadn’t noticed them yet. They were still far enough back and mostly veiled by the brush. The mother looked to be close to tears as she distantly begged her children not to wander far from the cart. It may be a simple enough thing for Elion to fix, but they were clearly out of their depth, and probably exhausted from travel. No reason not to lend a hand when it cost them so little. He might even be able to have it all sorted before Gale caught up with them.

He raised his hand to call to them, when suddenly Xan grabbed him by the arm to stop him. “Wait!” he hissed. “Where’s the wizard?”

Elion whirled around, but Xan’s concern was well founded. Gale was gone. He’d been back a ways—but not far enough for them to get split up naturally. There was now no trace of him at all on the trail.

“Godsdammit,” murmured Erakis and he let out the deepest of sighs.

“Godsdammit,” Xan echoed with marked more enthusiasm.

Elion saw a moment later that they were both facing the direction of the road ahead again. The family had vanished, along with their cart and the tracks Elion was sure had marked the mud behind it. All of it had been an illusion, and a powerful one.

#

The first thing Gale became aware of was that he was missing time. That thought struck him before he even knew where he was, before he fully took in the view, floral and herb scent, and humid weight of the muggy air around him. It was dark, but not in an ominous or underground way, more like a well insulated chamber with the curtains drawn over what few windows it had. There was a little candlelight for convenience, but the glowing embers in the fireplace were about as much extra warmth as one could stand during these summer months. The chamber, wherever it was, would serve better in winter. Gale was setted at a low table, his knees jutting up to his chest. He held a cup of tea in his good hand, his new prosthetic listing to repeatedly tap the side of the tin cup with a faint chiming song. It was the ringing in his ear that seemed to draw him to his senses.

Something was very wrong. The last thing he remembered clearly was walking along that narrow pathway out under the blazing sun. Elion and Xan had been ahead of him, Erakis shaming them all, far ahead. Then.

Lilac? Did he recall the strong scent of lilac? And a laughing voice.

He looked around the small chamber for some anchor of reality, but there was nothing familiar, and nothing to pin his location.

He wasn’t alone, however.

The woman was busying herself, arranging something on a plate. She appeared young at first glance, though her movements were a bit too smooth, a bit too poised. She delicately stroked a variety of nuts, simple biscuits and dried fruit into place with the deliberate and thoughtless movements of someone who had long ago learned to disguise their lack of vigor with a touch of maturity and grace. Her face though, turned to the side, was youthful, and her skin was clear and perfect, what of it he could see. Down her back she had a braid knotted at even intervals and adorned with silver trinkets that matched an overbright sheen in the corner of her eye.

He felt like he’d been here for some time. The acrid hum of fey magic buzzed in the air, more apparent than when Arabella had unfolded herself from nowhere. Whatever he’d gotten himself into, and however it had happened, he needed to be careful. And, probably not drink the tea in his hand.

“I’m afraid my offerings are rather meager today,” the woman apologized as she set the plate before him on the table and stroked crumbs off her apron before sitting down beside him. Her voice didn’t sound like a woman of nineteen either, but the glamor was very good. He couldn’t find the edges of it. Couldn’t begin to guess what she really was. “It’s this time of year, nothing has quite sprung to life yet, and the winter larder and pantry are all but spent. Give it a few days and the whole of the land will start to awaken.”

An anxiety gripped him as Gale had to suppress the urge to ask about the others. It was grim arithmetic, but he did it in an instant, had to think of it. If he’d been taken by some fey creature, which seemed confirmed by his present situation, then it was all but impossible she’d simply left his companions out on the road, unbothered, where they might yet come search for him. In all likelihood, she had them in some kind of confinement, intending to use them for leverage.

But, leverage to do what? What did she want with him?

He wasn’t above sacrificing a moment’s peace and decorum to demand answers, but she spared him by addressing his unasked question with the smallest of smirks on her too pretty, and too predatory face. “Now, I’ll be quite honest with you, lad. I’ve  interviewed likely candidates for a pact before, but I’m well out of practice. I hope you’ll go easy on me.” Her violet eyes had an undulating warmth to them, more like the embers in her fire than sunlight, but with the smallest hint of blinding fury.

“A pact?” Gale’s concern ebbed, then redoubled. A fey creature soliciting a warlock was it? Interesting. “I’ll admit, I’ve never seriously considered a warlock’s pact.”

“That word seriously does quite a lot of work in that statement though, doesn't it?” she teased, and her chiding wasn’t a shot in the dark. There was such confidence behind it that Gale had to narrow his guesses about her true nature down to fey creatures with some natural divination ability. She could see a portion of his past, in all likelihood, maybe even pick up traces of dark things from his mind and private memory. Alternatively, there was the time he couldn’t remember. Had she drawn some secrets from him while he was entranced?

“I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, all their trembling warnings about the intoxication of power. Wizards like you pursue it as a life’s work. It’s an obsession. Those are the highlights of the lecture, are they not?” the woman rolled those purple eyes as she took a sip of tea from her own cup. “Oh! And the self destruction and misery that it leads to, of course.”

“Of course,” Gale had indeed heard this lecture—in a number of different languages, in fact. “But there are marked differences between what drives one to dedicate themselves to the study of magic as a wizard, as opposed to what drives a warlock to pursue power.”

“True,” the woman conceded, “I have my own understanding of those differences—but what do you think they are?”

“The effect of mastering magic is part of the appeal, part of what drives the obsession,” Gale didn’t like to follow this thought to its logical conclusion, because it had some rather bleak implications for his melancholic disposition, but it was also observably true. It wasn’t just magic that was his obsession, it was the continual pursuit of the unobtainable. “I would never describe myself as a patient man, but a warlock’s pact is certainly something of a shortcut, and one that doesn't appeal to me. I’ll take the long road, thank you.”

The woman let out a quick bark of laughter that turned into a giggle behind her hand, “the long road? You could cast fireball by the time you were eight.”

“True enough. That’s an unnerving little trick, you know? Peering into my past.”

“I am well aware,” the woman smirked, “but it's as natural as breathing to someone like me. How considerate are you, when it comes to suppressing all the things you know so that the people around you feel more comfortable?”

She had him there, but he wasn’t about to admit it.

“The truth is, you are remarkable, and under better circumstances, I don’t think you could be tempted by even the most reasonable of pacts. But. Your circumstances,” she gestured to him, one long finger nearly brushing across his prosthetic. “If left entirely to your own devices, perhaps you could have overcome the frequent pitfalls of power’s endless pursuit. You might’ve been the exception, and not just another Karsus. But, you do have such circumstances, don’t you? You were interfered with at every turn, one might even say that you were pushed to ruin. Dragged there.”

“One might,” he’d had those thoughts himself, during the darkest nights alone in his tower, when he felt fragility and mortality most keenly. When time seemed to gush rather than seep, and he feared he’d face an ignominious end before he ever got another chance at greatness, or redemption. “But, it hardly follows that I should—”“—oh, I think it does follow.” The woman’s flare of excitement gave him pause. “I think it’s the most natural thing in the world to recognize that even with a shortcut, you still might face inevitable defeat by your own ambitions. As natural as death itself. You are no ordinary dreamer. The unobtainable heights you seek require every scraping advantage you can grab onto, while you still have hands.” She shrugged, “Or, while you still have one left.”

[olanganadesign]

Modern Interior Style

Understanding the ultramodern Style of Décor Modern design was meant to be the antipode of the former design styles which used heavy textures, busts and wood tones throughout the home. thus, utmost factors of ultramodern design, from the cabinetwork to the shape of the apartments, includes clean, straight lines with no fresh detail. This differs slightly from contemporary design, which uses angles and broad lines, ultramodern design’s lines are crisper sharper and veritably spare

Olangana- designs- modren- baptizing Origin and Developmemt The ultramodern style is simple and unornamented. It's connected to the age of intrigue and is frequently appertained to as that of the 1920s to 1950s. The ultramodern style movement continued to grow in fashionability throughout the first half of the 20th century, and latterly derivations of this style are known asmid-century ultramodern and postmodern.

crucial characterstics of the Style This gospel behind the ultramodern style makes it a perfect decorating choice for those who like simple, tidied spaces with clean lines and a lack of fussy doodads. It goes well in the open bottom plans that accompanied the development of this style.

still, then are a many effects you should know, If you ’re thinking of decorating a space in a ultramodern style.

Structural rudiments( similar as concrete or shafts) frequently left exposed • Emphasis on vertical and perpendicular lines with smaller angles

Lack of finickiness or fluff • Low, vertical furnishings with clean lines

festivity of natural light and unornamented windows • Natural accoutrements similar as uncolored wood, essence, leather, and natural filaments.

A neutral colour pallets • Reflective shells similar as sword, chrome, or glass

Natural forestland and wood veneers Best- innards- developer- in- kr- puram Use of Colors A neutral is a colour that acts as a subtle background tinge, which can fluently be concentrated with other stronger colours. That makes neutrals a great blank oil for you to get creative, giving your artwork and architectural features a chance to shine. A neutral color scheme can be anything from light neutrals, similar as cream and white, to darker tones, similar as chocolate or Charcoal. Use- of- colors- in- houses For further details please visit http//www.home–designing.com/2016/02/a–pair–of–modern–homes–with–distinctively–bright–color-themes Lightings Considerations Euphemism has enough solid parameters. Form is veritably important in ultramodern design. You may see geometric shapes, rigid places or impeccably simple circles and spheres, with many embellishments to intrude the inflow of the piece. Light- consideration- in- himes Lightings- consideration- for- modren- baptizing For further details please visit https//www.allmodern.com/lighting/cat/lighting–c29056.html

Wallpapers Ultramodern wallpaper walks the line of sharp complication and stark glamour. These high- fashion designs put a fresh, ontrend spin on design alleviations, frequently bringing simplistic patterns and colours to life with a bold, clean look. Setting the most fashion-forward design and colour trends, contemporary wallpaper brings geometrics, textures, florals and further to futuristic heights of a la mode seductiveness.

Modren- style- Wallpapers For further details please visit

https//www.brewsterwallcovering.com/modern–wallpaper &

https//www.muralswallpaper.com/ca/styles/ ultramodern/ Furniture and Decor Modern cabinetwork features fluid silhouettes and minimalist aesthetic. Modern principles embrace a simple, clean look. Its main principles include Minimalistic design, smooth face, clean straight lines, warm neutral colours, accoutrements that includes both wood and essence

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tubbo tommy ranboo and george - trampolines and chaos

this is part 13 to the great adventures series

an: so it’s very clear y/ns love language is spending time with people and physical touch, all love mentioned is platonic

you and ranboo settled in rather quickly. However, there was good and bad news the bad news was you both had to isolate which meant when tubbo would go out with the others the pair of you couldn’t go the good news however, was that it would only be for a week and that you could both spend a lot of time together catching up and talking about anything that came to mind making the pair of you grow close. the pair of you would work on the scrapbook with tubbo, this was your favourite thing to do as ranboo would add his own twist to it and often came up with new ideas, you would both stream together for your twitch channel when tubbo was out and when he would come home you would all stream on ranboos channel. you often found yourself helping ranboo film videos for youtube or help him cook when tubbo was streaming. since you shared a room with ranboo every night you would sit on the couch pulling him close so you could play with his hair whilst a random film would play in the background, today was no different you sat on the couch and put bo Burnham's inside on whilst you waited for him to walk over with a blanket so he could sit in between your legs letting you play with his hair

“your hair got long boo…I’m going to try and plait some of it”

“I couldn’t get a hair cut and you know this”

you laughed quietly to yourself continuing to plait some of his hair he would occasionally sigh and pretend he didn’t like it but it was pretty obvious that he was beginning to relax under your touch, you continued plaiting his hair listening to him quietly sing along to the songs. it was moments like this you both loved and appreciated but would never tell anyone that it happened. it was your little secret.

after five days passed you and ranboo were free to go meet with others again meaning you could finally go out and film the trampoline vlog for tommys channel which you spent the last five days planning. safe to say you were excited, you hadn’t been to a trampoline park in a while. you woke ranboo up at 10 am you didn’t need to worry about tubbo as you heard him walking around talking to his phone it took a few minutes to realise he was doing a Twitter space. tubbo sent you a message earlier to let you know that there was a package for you near the door so once you got ready you went to grab it, inside was a couple of shirts, hoodies and hats from your sample merch you were honestly amazed. ranboo walked up to you grabbing one of the shirts and a hoodie.

“y/n these look great wow”

“I got a couple of each size, find the sizes you want and they’re yours”

a few minutes later ranboo walked back into the room wearing your merch

“mind if I wear it for the vlog”

“of course you can ill be showing it on stream later”

and with that you all made your way to the tubbo and began your journey to the trampoline park, it was a relatively quick trip the three of you spent the entire trip talking about stream and youtube ideas.

as soon as Tommy saw you all walk into the trampoline park he ran over tackling you all into a hug

“Hey guys, how have you been! we’re just waiting for George”

“speak of the devil he’s just arrived..ranboo I am not an armrest”

“sorry y/n it’s not my fault that you’re the perfect height to be one”

a few minutes later you all made your way to the trampolines. this is where the chaos began you all didn’t know where to begin, excitement took over and safety when out the window. you and ranboo challenged each other to see who could jump higher

“CATCH ME RANBOO”

“HUH Y/N”

you jumped from the trampoline you were on into ranboos arms (luckily as if he didn’t catch you, you would have fallen)

“thank you boo”

Tommy dragged you all the area where you had to try and hit the person opposite you off of the plank, you stood laughing as tubbo instantly hit Tommy making him fall

“boooo”

“I’d like to see you do better y/n”

“bet..tubbo get back on”

the pair of you put up a decent fight, Tommy ended up distracting tubbo which allowed you to win, you then went against George and won then ranboo decided to go against you

“…haha hey boo looking awfully tall today”

“you look awfully short today”

you then tried and failed to make him fall ranboo on the other hand was able to make you lose your balance however you weren’t going down on your own so you dragged him down with you. after that you stood in awe watching tubbo do tricks on the trampoline

“look at him go he’s like a gazelle”

“I'm sorry ranboo what gazelles have you been watching”

“you don’t know what I’ve seen y/n”

you laughed as Tommy went up next claiming that he could also do that…he couldn’t.

George noticed a box and attempted to jump over it followed by you who only just managed to jump over it as you got distracted on the run-up, up next was tubbo who jumped over it, Tommy tried to jump over it but ended up rolling over it you stood shaking your head as ranboo went next unsurprisingly he jumped over it easily then lied down on the box

“Hey how’s it going”

you and Tommy had the same idea

“we’re going to jump over you ranboo”

“oh no please don’t- OH GOD”

so you and Tommy failed to jump over him and crashed into him

“hey boo-“

“that didn’t go to plan”

“no, it didn’t”

you and Tommy got up and decided to lie down with him you noticed tubbo at the run-up getting ready to jump over the three of you, you all screamed as tubbo successfully jumped over thou all

“holy shit”

“oooohhhh”

“didn’t doubt you for a minute tubs”

you got up and went over to George who seemed to be having a lovely time on the trampolines, you heard screaming in the background and turned around to see ranboo chasing Tommy who decided that the safest option would be to run headfirst into the wall

“what the fuck is up with him”

you all stood on the inflatable safety hazard not knowing which way it was going to turn, this didn’t go well for any of you as everyone but ranboo (because he was filming) was instantly hit by the inflatable you ended up on the floor you looked up to see ranboo looking down at you

“don’t look at me like that boo”

“you really do amaze me”

“I put a rock in your pocket”

“no- what how”

you couldn’t contain your laughter as ranboo pulled out a rock which you did indeed place in his pocket sometime during the trip. you all decided to try again on the inflatable this time it went slightly better…for less than 30 seconds you got hit and dragged over to tubbo and George who had also been hit

“Hello boys”

a few minutes later you tubbo and ranboo tried again this time it went well for you, you managed to pay attention and ignore ranboo who was shouting that he will beat the machine. well, it went well till ranboo got hit as you found it hilarious which ended up being your downfall as you got distracted.

you all decided to have a totally safe game of dodgeball

“guys it’s like mcc”

you and ranboo looked at each other before yelling about how you both wouldn’t know, you decided to aim at tubbo who was focusing on Tommy which allowed you to hit him multiple times

“Y/N I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS”

you made your way over to him tackling him resulting in you both falling

“We are bee boy”

“I hate you”

“love you too”

after helping tubbo up and aiming at Tommy you heard ranboo yelling

“I just got hit in the balls by tubbo...OW AND Y/N THANKS A LOT”

“you’re welcome my beloved”

you sat with ranboo as the others continued to play dodgeball, he tapped your thigh to get your attention, you turned your head to see him holding part of his glasses

“your other pair is in my bag I’ll go get them”

“I’ll come with you”

after ranboo told the others the pair of you made your way to your bag

“thank you y/n…how did you know I’d break them”

“tubbo and I both carry a spare pair on us just in case. we went out to get them on our way to the airport”

the pair of you made your way to the others who were now stood waiting for you

“Woah what the fuck is this”

tubbo tapped your shoulder and whispered that someone is on their way to explain what it was, a few minutes later one of the workers came over and explained how it works and what to do, you all watched Tommy go up you tubbo and ranboo constantly made jokes about him the entire time, you continued to do this as tubbo went up

“can I clickbait this if you die”

“oooh can i”

ranboo went next you and tubbo both tried to hit him with the dodgeballs from earlier however you both missed you watched as ranboo slid down and looked at you

“sup”

“oh god I’m next”

you went next the entire time you made comments about not letting go

“what if I don’t let go”

“I will personally drag you down”

you looked down to see Tommy pretending to get ready to drag you down

“NO TOMMY”

and with that, you let go

“Hello boys that go fast doesn't it”

George went next and screamed the entire way down you and tubbo looked at each other questioning if you heard the same thing before looking back at George

“Are you okay”

one at a time you all jumped off of the mini wall onto the soft landing below, Tommy landed funny accidentally hurting himself

“Tommy I love you but you’re an idiot”

ranboo went next landing in the same pose as before

“sup”

“stylish..real stylish”

tubbo pushed you off before you even had the chance to jump

“TUBBO I SWEAR TO GOD”

“REVENGE FOR HITTING ME IN DODGEBALL”

the others sat down looking up at you and ranboo who was now stood on the wall looking down on them

“jump”

“okay”

“wait what”

ranboo grabbed your hand and jumped off onto the landing taking you down with him

“Why does this always happen to me why not George or Tommy”

Tommy ran off after asking you all if you all thought he could request a song as he returned you could hear mask beginning to play and Tommy trying to sing along whilst running over to you all. you all then spent a good while messing on the trampolines so Tommy had footage to use for a montage after that you all made your way to some chairs so you could have a minute to relax and have a drink. you sat next to tubbo trying not to laugh as you watched ranboo attempt to drink the water through his mask

“oh wait did you just-“

“now your mask is going to be wet”

tubbo and Tommy ended up running off to get more content for the vlog and George ended up walking off somewhere, ranboo looked at you before welcoming you with open arms, the two of you sat in each other’s embrace watching Tommy and tubbo run around the park.

“you doing okay boo”

“I’m alright a little hot”

“that’s expected I mean you’re literally wearing a hoodie and mask with glasses I’m surprised you can even see when you're on the trampolines”

“I can't”

the two of you sat talking for a few more minutes before going back to the trampolines running, jumping and falling over. 10 minutes later you sat with Tommy watching George definitely do something on the floor, you weren’t quite sure what he was trying to do

“wooo go, George”

“thank you y/n”

at this point, it was clear you were all getting tired you all went off to buy a slush before sitting back down in the chairs you were making your way to sit with tubbo however your dear friend ranboo pulled you down to sit with him

“oh hello”

“hi y/n”

“I have a slush”

“as do i “

before you could speak again you heard Tommy and George messing with a walkie talkie, you sat looking at the two of them not realising that ranboo also had one

“give us more trampolines”

“hi George”

as you didn’t expect this you jumped slightly making ranboo turn his head and laugh

“Jesus christ when did you get that”

“well tubbo gave me it I was going to tell you but I wanted to scare you y/n”

after cooling down you all went to the play area, you found a slide and ran to it ranboo not far behind

“y/n wait for me we can go down together”

“okay go behind me”

ranboo got on behind you and held onto your waist so you didn’t go down without him. Tommy noticed this and wanted to join the chain

“We can go down together”

“alright hop on”

“slide trio”

“tubbo…there’s four of us”

not wanting to be left behind, George decided to join the chain

“is everyone ready”

“no”

“don’t care”

and with that, the five of you made your way down the slide, after this Tommy dragged you all to the mini jump area where you all sat watching George have a great time

“I don’t care about the rules”

“you’re doing great”

you all ended the trip at the inflatable safety hazard again, you sat with ranboo who kept an arm around your waist whilst recording Tommy who was just constantly being hit and knocked over even though he wasn’t playing

“just get out just get out”

“get out get out”

“he’s dying”

“I'm using this for clickbait on stream”

later that night you decided not to stream as you decided that you’d rather spend the night scrapbooking and playing random board games with tubbo and ranboo

taglist

@fuzzycloudsz @wtfwriter @bearytime @milkydisaster @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee

[roscgcld]

HEADCANON + GOJO SATORU || the gojo twins

request: HELLO^^ so I’ve been wondering this so long but do you think it would even be possible if Gojo had a twin sister that also has the sixth eye ? Probably not but, I’d kinda want to know what the clans higher ups and curses react to 2 sixth eye user.

note: I am glad I am not the only one thinking about this lol. like what if they were two gojos? absolute chaos the world has ever seen. i love it, this entire prompt lives in my head rent free lol

pronouns: she/her

gojotwins!au masterlist

imagine the other clan’s reactions when they learn that not one, but two of the gojo clan’s newest heirs were born with the highly coveted Six Eyes?

gojo satoru and y/n - the newest members of the gojo clan, twins that are born with the Six Eyes. a first case that has ever happened in the family’s history. it was this monumental moment when the higher ups realise that things are going to be interesting

by the way - you’re the older twin lol. just so you can poke jabs at gojo for the rest of your life by using the line. “i’m the older sibling here!”

“only by like, two minutes!”

that being said though, over-protective twin brother who will scare all your boyfriends/girlfriends the first time they meet because of his height and overly nice personality that scares people even more

you’re just as bad though - if any girl or guy walks out of his room after a night of fun you will probably be a little bitch and make them feel awkward until gojo wakes up

“can’t you be a little nicer to them?” gojo groans after the person he slept with last night quickly left after an awkward cup of morning coffee with you. “I actually liked them a lot.”

but it’s all done with love, and if the other realise their significant other makes them happy, they will back off

the moment you two entered jujutsu tech, then yaga-sensei was about to hand in his retirement slip early with the sheer chaos that his year of students were bringing him 

ieiri was delighted that she wasn’t going to be the only girl at school; geto was amused how you two were basically copy and paste of each other, just in different genders

surprisingly enough, think you’d be the one who’d be the more studious and definitely more interesting in learning how to hone your skills better - gojo probably still has this ‘i am the strongest’ mentality that the elders planted in him because ✨misogyny✨

but he loves to compete with you - and you’re the only one who’d he ever admit defeat to, and will defend your honour whenever the elders talk down on you because you’re a girl. and to them, girls are just meant to be ‘a pretty face with strong genes to bring a strong generation into the world’

he’s probably the one who talked your elders out of arranging a marriage between you and an heir to another important family like the kamo clan - because there is no way in hell is he going to let some random ass man take you away from him

probably joking told you that if all else fails, to marry geto on the spot - and let’s be honest here, who wouldn’t? Geto looks so damn fine both the anime and especially in the Gojo Past Arch. rail me daddy-

*cough cough*

anyway - ever since that comment, geto and you might pretend to flirt with each other to get gojo riled up. playfully brushing your hand along his arm, playing with his hair between your fingers whenever you two talk, geto leaning close to you to whisper something in your ear with a smirk, or him resting his hand around your waist whenever he leads you about

it always gets gojo riled up, and he’d get in between the both of you; whining for you to give him attention instead

you probably sneak into his room, even as you got older, to hide in his arms whenever you have a nightmare - and he’d wordlessly just hold you close and cuddle you to sleep again no matter how old you two are

both of you share the same braincell - same reactions, expressions, and sometimes even finishing each other’s sentences. sometimes you two even say the same thing at the same time, to which you two just high five each other with a laugh 

freaks everyone out a little, since it’s just so random and natural for the both of you to do it 

nanami hates it whenever he has to accompany you two - as his senpais, he can’t complain much. he does learn a lot, yet at the same time, he can’t stand it when the both of you are sent on a mission together 

with you he’s fine; but he barely tolerates gojo 

ijichi loves you, since you compliment him on the smallest of things, or smile at him warmly whenever he does something right; may have a crush on you that he refuses to reveal to anyone

both of you probably have shopping trips every weekend; don’t tell me you two don’t splurge on clothing when you two can charge whatever it is you want to the gojo clan account 

you two probably got a lot of those roadside modelling offers - and sometimes you’d probably even joke about leaving the whole jujutsu world behind to become a model instead

“i mean - it pays. and all i need to do is sit and look pretty.”

a lot of ‘did not!’ and ‘did too!’ arguments all day long 

you two love to taunt the Curses together before you kill them - it makes them only more scared, but the ‘chase more fun’

“say, toru - it looks so weak for a semi-first, no?”

“must be a new born - how pathetic.”

bags of candies all over the place - somehow he got you addicted to candy as well, so whenever you two travel, you always buy different candies and different treats 

when geto betrayed you all in your third year, gojo turned to you as his pillar of familiarity; even more so when he was force to kill his best friend a few years later. the both of you leaned on each other as you start to pick the pieces of yourselves once more

both you and your brother share the same idea of changing the jujutsu world from the inside out, so you two decided to take up teaching together under the command of now principal yaga

poor man is deciding if he now regrets accepting both of your applications 

you took in megumi as your own by the way - so megumi respects you a lot since you’re like the mother he never had. but at the same time, he wouldn’t be surprise if he heard that you do something stupid with your twin brother

feel like gojo and you will spend your free time probably trying to unlock more secrets of the Limitless and how to use your Six Eyes better - and Gojo will teach you how to probably use Hallow Purple and how to use Reverse Cursed Techniques with the held of ieiri as well

you took in maki, inumaki and even panda as your own kids as well - teaching them whenever gojo is forced to go and solve some issue the higher ups throw at him; making the kids super protective of you

even when yuta came, you didn’t care about the special grade curse that was stuck inside of him; treating him like an actual person and training him up and build his confidence once more

when you heard what happened to the special-grade cursed object that megumi was tasked on taking the following year, you laughed your ass off for 10 minutes while megumi tried not to show his annoyance

“y/n-sensei, i almost died. it is not funny.”

but you still took yuji in as your own child, and when you were giving him a tour around campus, you raised an eyebrow when a pair of lips appeared on the side of his cheek

“even though i want to kill that white haired bastard, i might spare your pretty little face.” 

“hello to you too, sukuna.” you greeted with a smile while yuji slapped a hand over the mouth, apologising to you with a wild blush on his face. you just laughed and reassured the poor boy it was alright

when nobara came, you adopted her as well; and she loves you, and loves how in tune with the trends you are. you two even have a girl’s night where you talk about everything that happens and have a few rants about boys

all in all - highkey chaotic, but with more common sense then your younger twin brother gojo and knows how to act professional whenever you need to. you also tend to adopt all the students that walks through your doors, and they view you as a parental figure as well. you and your brother are a menace together, but you two get things done and no one can really complain

gojo is protective, but when it comes to you it’s worse lol. but you’re just as bad when it comes to making sure ‘your baby brother’ is safe. you two tend to be super sassy and throw shade at each other, but when it comes down to the basics, you two love each other a lot and will go the extra mile to make sure that each other are safe

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[ah-ga-seven]

No More Pain | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Fem!reader 

Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?

Genre: Angst, One Shot. 

Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.

This was a different kind of pang to your heart.

You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…

This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.  

It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.

You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.

You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.  

Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.

You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby's heartbeat anymore.  

You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.

You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.

You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.  

The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.  

He had moved on for good, and even though you have no ill feelings towards him, you can’t help but feel anger over sadness right now.  

It was that easy to replace you. And that easy for him to find someone that could give him what you couldn’t.

Even though your miscarriage wasn’t the direct cause of why he left, the effects of the incidence on your mental health dragged him down with you. So both of you felt it’d be better to part ways for the sake of not wanting to hate or resent each other in the end.  

But God…you hated and resented him now more than ever.  

It didn’t matter to you that both of you started to date new people, because a part of you always held on to the fact that you’d somehow find your way back to each other, though the probability of that ever happening again turned to ash.

Your miscarriage broke you.  

No appetite for weeks, no motivation to get yourself out of bed and no cure for the monsters in your head who told you that Jaehyun was only sticking around out of pity for your broken state.

That same insecurity is what drove him into the arms of the women he told you not to worry about, and now they’re having a fucking child together.  

Knowing that that should’ve been you was a thought that was just too much to bear right now. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach, tears prickling your eyes as you rub the spot on your belly where the mini bump used to be 8 months ago.

You were finally doing better, thriving in your job and social life. Meeting new people and dating a few loose ends here and there, but you can already feel yourself spiraling back into old depressional habits as you stare at the picture once more.  

You pettily decide to like it, hoping it would spark interest from none other than your ex, and much to your surprise, it did.

Not even 20 minutes later your phone started to buzz on the counter as you poured yourself a glass of wine. You mindlessly retrieve it, expecting it to be your best friend but when you see his name as you take a sip you almost choke.

Is he serious?

You try to come up with what to say for the next 3 to 5 minutes but nothing in your head seems to translate your exact feelings to your fingertips.

You sigh in agony while leaning over on your kitchen counter with your phone still in your hands, reading his messages over and over again. You subconsciously start to bite your lip in deep thought, getting startled by your ringtone as your phone starts to ring in your grasp.

“Fuck,” you mumble to yourself, taking a big chug of the alcoholic beverage in front of you, putting on the bravest face and straightest posture to make yourself feel better before accepting the call.  

You knew you didn’t have to answer, but you were dying to hear what he had to say under these circumstances.  

“Y/N? Is that you?” His voice was unchanged. You didn’t know why, but you expected him to sound different, be different. Yet the same worry he’s always had for you was evident in his tone this time as well.

You clear your throat to avoid a voice crack and sigh. “Congratulations,” you tried to sound as genuine as you could, but you knew you sounded like shit.  

You start to play with the ends of your hair out of anxious anticipation, waiting for him to respond on the other end of the line.  

“I meant to tell you,” he starts. “I just…I didn’t know how and Chaeyoung suddenly uploaded the picture and-”

“Jae…please spare me the details,” you interrupt him. Saying his name like you used to felt like speaking a foreign language. He stayed quiet upon hearing your voice again and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you still live in the same apartment in Itaewon?” he suddenly asks, immediately alerting you to stand up straight because he could only be asking for one reason and one reason only.

“Y-yes.”

“Good, I’m on my way.”

Just like that, he hung up and just like that your heart rate starts to race uncontrollably.  

You down the remnants of your wine glass and hope he’s isn’t too close because your place looked far from neat. For the next 15 minutes, you run around, shoving things into random cabinets. Whether those items belonged there or not was the least of your concern and just as you fluff the last pillow on your couch, your doorbell rings.

You take a deep breath, calming your nerves as you walk up to your front door, taking it off the lock before you open it with a dramatic swing.

There he was. Jung Jaehyun.

As beautiful and put together as he always looked, no matter the circumstance. You forget how to breathe when you lay eyes on him and gulp. It’s actually him.

His big dark orbs widened as he laid eyes on you after months of not seeing you. His facial expression softened, slowly parting his lips to speak but you beat him to it when you broke out of your trance.  

“What are you doing here?” your shoulders fall as you look into his eyes for answers. The same eyes that once looked at you with so much love and adoration, but right now his pupils were stressfully darting back and forth, trying to read you like he used to be able to but he had no idea what you were feeling right now.

“Because I feel like shit y/n. Please let me in and let me explain,” he pleaded with a defeated tone.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “What is there to explain? You knocked up your girlfriend and finally got what you wanted. Why bother coming here? To rub it into my face?”  

Your plan of staying calm and collected went completely out the window just now and you could tell by the shock on his face that he did not expect you to be angry with him.

He took a step forward, backing you into your own hallway. His height towered over you when you stepped back and without looking back he closed the door behind him.

“Y/n. I would never purposely do that to you. Ever.” You ignore his statement, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t remember inviting you in Jaehyun. Does she even know you’re here?”

You hold your ground, crossing your arms over your chest as you wait for him to counter your attack, but he simply shook his head. Knowing damn well that you’re acting tough just so you won’t get emotional.  

As he’s scanning the premises, his eyes linger on the red wine bottle on your kitchen counter and with a look of utter disbelief, he averts his attention back on you.

“You’re drinking again?” he asks with an almost condescending tone.  

“Did you come here to practice your parenting skills because no thanks Jae, please leave,” you bite back as coldly as you could, but he wasn’t having it.

“That shit almost killed you and you’re just casually drinking again?” He runs his hand through his locks out of pure frustration, not knowing what to do with the misplaced feeling of still caring for you just the same, while also knowing he has no business to tell you how to live your life.

The truth is, Jaehyun had no idea what he was doing here. Everything about the situation felt wrong and he couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Ever since Chaeyoung told him she was pregnant; he couldn’t be fully happy about it. He couldn’t commit to fatherhood knowing how much it broke your relationship. How much it broke the women he loved most to this day.

“A little red wine didn’t hurt anyone,” you mumble under your breath and that comment alone send Jaehyun’s emotions into overdrive, unable to hide his disappointment and worry for you any longer.

“IT HURT YOU Y/N. DAMN IT!” He raised his voice at you as he roughly grabbed your arm to make you look at him, which is the last thing you expected. He wasn’t mad at you. He was mad at himself. Mad at the fact that he wasn’t there when you needed him most and mad at the fact that this is what your lives had come to.

You might have previously dealt with your pain by drinking, and you might have mindlessly mixed your anti-depressants with your drink once, which…just might have earned you a trip to the hospital, but that was your lowest low and you made sure it’d never happen again.

You beat your demons by yourself when he had already moved on, so he had no place to waltz back into your life when he felt like it, just to judge you.

You’re absolutely fuming by now because of that same reason and much to your dismay you feel new tears well up in your eyes.  

“NO, YOU HURT ME!” you yell back at him as you smack his chest, the salty droplets streaming down your face as you kept hitting his chest to make him feel your pain. “YOU LEFT ME.”

Your knees got weak and you knew you looked absolutely pathetic as you crouched down in front of him. Shock took over his features as he got down on his own knees just as quickly, pulling you into the comfort of his arms. The warmth that you used to call home and the warmth that always seemed to calm you down engulfed you completely, a feeling your favorite fleece blanket from before could hardly imitate.  

He patted your head with assuring strokes, whispering sweet nothings to you as he held you on the floor of your apartment. Letting you sob the pain away in his black shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay…” he kissed the top of your head, caressing your cheek as he wiped away your tears.

You calmed down slowly, ignoring the suffocating ache in your head and heart while he made you feel safe and sound like he always did. You sat there like that for God knows how long, letting your minds go into overdrive as silence comforted the both of you.  

Ironically enough, this scenery was the exact same as the one in the hospital 8 months ago. You cried in his arms just like this when you had lost your child, but now you were crying because you had lost him. For good now.  

“I would never purposely plan to have a baby this quickly y/n, you have to believe me. Chae was on birth control but it just…happened,” he whispers, finally breaking the agonizing silence.

You stay quiet, closing your eyes to the sound of his low voice, letting his words register. “I was going to tell you. I was planning to ask you out for a coffee but as soon as she passed her first trimester, she was just so excited and made the announcement…it was just bad timing.”

“All of this is bad timing,” you mumble, which made him nod in agreement. He sighed into your hair as he continued to explain. “Y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care for you anymore. I wish things were different, but they simply aren’t and I’m sorry.”

You sniff, dabbing your tears and your nose with the sleeves of your blouse before looking up at him through your lashes.

“You don’t have to apologize for moving on and being happy Jaehyun. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” You wipe the single tear that remained on the corner of his eye, not having realized that he shed a few tears himself too.

He leaned into your touch as he looked into your eyes before closing them, leaning his forehead onto yours while taking a deep breath.  

“I just want you to be ok.” He says suppressing a sob. “I can’t live this picture-perfect life knowing that you’re in pain y/n. It makes no sense; you deserve so much more it’s not fair.”  

Your lip starts to quiver as his words hit you, and you build up the courage to look at him again.  

He stared at you longingly and lovingly for the first time since forever and you knew a mistake was about to be made when he inched his face closer to you, but it was too late.

His lips made contact with yours and you completely gave in. Letting him lead you into a slow yet passionate kiss that took both of your breaths away.  Before things could get more heated, you realize what was happening and froze.

You take a hold of his wrists as you pull away, your eyes staring into his equally electrified ones as you recompose yourselves.

“I-I’m sorry,” he started. “I should’ve never confused you like that. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing.” He covers his mouth as he got up. Frustrated with his own behavior, he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands to suppress the urge to swing at your door or any other object in sight for that matter.

You get up just as quickly as well. Straightening out your clothes before shaking off the nerves of what just happened.  

You take a deep breath followed by a shaky exhale as you opened your front door, turning around on your heels to look at an equally distressed Jaehyun.

He was about to speak; about to confess that he still loved you, but you stopped him by raising your hand, motioning for him to keep whatever he was about to say to himself.

Your eyes find his own and you take one last glance at the man that was supposed to be the pillar to your family. The man you used to call yours, and the man that you had hoped to still have a future with, despite everything.  

But you knew better.

You knew what was right and you knew what you had to do before things would start to spiral out of control again.

You stepped aside so he could pass by you, trying to avoid eye contact all while you could still feel his burning stare lingering on your fragile state.

You swallow harshly, licking your lips before you spoke as clearly and steadily as you could.

“For the sake of your family, please leave Jae…and never come back.”  

[creepypso]

I wanted to have a pair of Irken ocs haha:

Nano is a pak mechanic and Vil an Irken doctor and specialist in creating prostheses. After extending a set of prostheses and making an Irken taller than he was before, he started making Irken that could provide favors and protection taller through operations. Nano is his assistant and making sure that the paks of the clients are not taking record of things.

Vil had extended his height multiple times and has taken physical damaged from it, which is why he now has to wear a stabilizing corset. He also has a slight god complex and Nano protects and helps him but also tries challenging Vils beliefs.

Nano is a true neutral character and Vil a chaotic good. Vils goal is to help others and while he can be intimidating to his clients, he does his job good and is well respected. Nano doesn't help Vil because he wants to help others, he does it because he simply wants to help Vil.

_______

For anyone that's interested, here is the more detailed backstory I came up with for them :3

While the pak mechanics know the pak and how the programming works, the doctors basically know everything about the biological body and how it's connected to the pak. Normally an irken doesn't need assistance from a doctor if something is wrong, because the pak should be able to handle everything. If not then normally an Irken is not worth saving, especially if a pak mechanic is unable to fix it. But in rare cases or if an Irken is supposed to be kept alive because it's needed for another purpose.. or is tall or able to provide something in exchange, a doctor is going to be involved to fix whatever issues is preventing the Irken to heal like it's supposed to.

Since the doctors are not as busy with active cases like the mechanics, they have time to try to further improve the irkens biological body (For example how Irkens have eye implants to ensure that they have good vision). At the beginning Vil was known for creating different prostheses so the person wearing it was able to get back to continuing their positions in the society without any trouble and others noticing it (Be it a missing limb, a broken antenna or anything else not working like it's supposed).

The extent to which he was able to help his clients had been something that he tried to keep a secret because he knew, that if other outside irkens knew, it would be frowned upon. If an Irken is unable to fight or continue their assigned position, they shouldn't be saved. But Vil disagreed with that. If an irken was devoted to the empire, he would help them.

So that's how he had operated his whole life until an Irken asked him, if Vil would be willing to slightly extent a set of leg prostheses to make the Irken appear taller since even just a few cm would allow him a better position. Since the Irken was taller than Vil and promised him a private lab in exchange to improve his crafts even further and faster, without having to do it secretly all the time, he agreed to it.

The taller Irken provided the lab and Vil saw how his work had significantly bettered the life from the other. Before he was just able to help the Irkens continue with their life, no matter how miserable he thought it was. Now he had been able to help this Irken cheat the system and he felt pretty powerful because of that. He also liked that this tall Irken had his respect and promised protection and loyalty, despite Vil being a lot smaller than him.

_

Not much time had passed before he continued thinking more about the possibilities. But cases of an Irken with both legs needing a prostheses were pretty rare, considering that even his normal cases were uncommon.. and healthy Irkens with other problems usually didn't really want to have both their legs cut off for a chance of a better position- so he tried out different ways to make a body taller without having to replace something.

So.. after trying it out on some deceased bodies he tried it for the first time on himself. And it had worked well. And that's how Vils shady side business of illegally increasing the height of Irkens that were able to provide favors or were willing to become a test subject (because he was only able to try out different methods on himself a limited amount of times) began.

After a while he developed a slight god complex. However he does his job good and due to the respect, the protection of a lot of Irkens (a lot of them tall) and open favors, he is pretty much untouchable, despite doing something illegal. Another thing that is protecting him, is his assistant Nano.

_

Nano and Vil had been working together at the same clinic (and still do). At the beginning they had been almost the same height, with Vil being just slightly taller. Nano had slowly figured out what Vil had been doing with giving Irkens prostheses but he did not really care. He rather stayed to himself and was not interested in causing trouble for someone he had respected for decades. However, while at first ignoring the possibility of giving Irkens help, that had injuries that he knew Vil could easily fix, he slowly began to redirect cases to him, that normally would have been deleted.

It was when he noticed Vil being more absent or working on designs he didn't show to anyone that Nano got even more suspicious but it was the day when Vil came back to work, clearly being a few cm taller than the last time that he had seen him that he felt like he needed to get some information. And what do you do as a pak mechanic that has a better understanding of codes and numbers than talking and emotions and stuff? You hook the person you want to have information from onto one of your fancy machines and look for the information yourself, because paks, other than the host, were not able to lie.

Nano and Vil had been mutuals and had been working together on cases and despite everything telling him, he should report his findings, he stayed quiet and instead scold Vil for being so shortsighted, because even if he was able to manipulate the host of a pak to protect him, the pak itself would still store the memories of the procedure and the true height of an Irken.

Vils distrust towards nano after that experience caused the two to drift apart.

However during that time Nano started thinking about possible ways to be able to block the pak from taking record of something that is currently going on. And when he had some spare time, he tried building his idea. When Vil asked him, he said it was out of curiosity but it was also because Vil had literally been the only person that hadn't been another pak mechanic, that he was fine talking to. And that meant he didn't really want to have to deactivate him.

After some more time passed, he started working with Vil every time to ensure everything pak related is working correctly and blocking recording and updating the Irkens new height.

Nano doesn't really feel the biggest range of emotions and the ones he does are not intense. But he knows that he likes working with Vil and being his assistant.

_

Vil has operated so many times on himself that he permanently damaged his spine and now has to wear a stabilizing corset. He is also not as agile anymore and more prone to receiving damage easily. Regarding fights; he is pretty much not made for them anymore and would lose if no one came to help him out.

While Nano of course does understand the importance of height in the irken society, he himself doesn't really understand the extent some of Vils clients (or Vil himself) go through just to get a few cm taller. He is more focused on the mechanics and content with his height and job. He doesn't need to change anything. For him the biological body is just the carrier of the pak. The programming alone decides the fate of the Irken. So to some extent he doesn't take Vils doing and big speeches about changing the system serious. Vil sees it the opposite way. For him the pak is only an extension of the Irken body and he beliefs that even small changes to the actual body can affect the life of an Irken a lot.

In the past Vil had offered Nano to make him taller but so far Nano had always declined. He is however always assisting Vil after he had done something to himself or covers him or makes sure clients know that they can trust Vil and shouldn't question him too much.

[yanderesleepybutwriting]

Pain Without Love || UshiTen x Reader

_____

Pairing: Ushijima x Reader  |  Tendou x Reader

Summary: Soulmates meant to find each other with a link, bound by pain.  Tendou and Ushijima thought they had it easy when they found out they were each other's soulmates. Until they started finding injuries not caused by either of them. It turned out a piece was missing from their puzzle. You.

Notes: This started off so small and I just couldn’t stop. I have no explanation. Just poly yandere Ushijima and Tendou here for you.

[Part Two] 

_____

When Wakatoshi and Tendou first met, they thought the search for their soulmate was over. It wasn’t hard to figure out. The pain they shared constantly lined up. The stinging on their arms and hands from constant blocking and receiving. Whenever Tendou got hurt, Ushijima felt it, and vice versa. It couldn’t have been easier. Until one day, Tendou skipped out on practice to take a test after school, while Ushijima stayed and worked with the rest of the team in the gym.

Ushijima was mid serve when suddenly he felt a random pain on both his hands and knees, causing him to swing too late and miss the ball completely. While his teammates poked fun and teased him, Ushijima’s thoughts went to his other half. 

He must have fallen. 

There was no more pain after that, so Ushijima assumed he was fine and returned his attention back to the court. It wasn’t until he met up with Tendou after practice, that he brought it up.

“Tendou, you should be more careful. I can’t focus on practicing if you keep getting hurt. It’s distracting.”

Tendou looked up at his partner confused. “What do you mean? I thought that was you.”

And then it clicked. The boy’s eyes shot up to one another, sharing the same shocked, yet knowing expression. They weren’t done. Not by a long shot. There was a piece missing from their otherwise perfect puzzle.

You.

“How could we not realize sooner!? We’re the worst soulmates ever. They’re out there right now, Waka!”

“I’m sure they’re fine. We’ll find them.” Ushijima tried to reason with his frantic partner. This news was definitely a shock to the both of them, and while Tendou grew more agitated, wanting to find you as soon as possible, Ushijima remained calm and collected, going for a more reasonable approach. “We just have to wait. They’re our soulmate after all. They’ll come into our lives sooner or later.”

What they hoped would be sooner, turned out to be later. Much later. Days turned into weeks. Weeks into months, and eventually months turned into years, with still no sign of you. The only reassurance they got were random pains brought on throughout the day. A small reminder that you were still out there. That you were still waiting. And it was driving them both crazy.

The older they grew, the more desperate they grew. While Ushijima remained calm, knowing one day they would find you, Tendou grew angrier, unsatisfied until he had you. It wasn’t until a few years after they knew you were out there that they found you when they were least expecting it.

There was a competition for a few of the schools in the area. Boys teams, girls teams, high schools to colleges. If you played volleyball, you were welcome to compete and improve your skills. And while their school wasn’t participating, they thought it was a good idea to watch and scope out the competition.

The boys watched intently at the matches before them, making small comments of improvement as the players went on. Neither was a school that either of them had ever heard of, but they still watched with interest.

“Next up, we have a boys vs girls match-” The announcer began, but Tendou didn’t wait to listen. Already starting to get bored he began leaning over to Ushijima.

“Wanna head out after this match? It’s getting kind of late.”

Ushijima said nothing. Only nodded before turning his attention back onto the court. Both teams showed promise. Giving it their all to throw back every ball hit their way.

“Hey, their wing spiker’s not half bad,” Tendou praised.

“He has power, yes. But no control. Only about 20% of his spikes actually make it within the boundaries.”

As if to prove Ushijima’s point, the spiker hit another ball, this time right into one of the opposing players’ faces. While most of the crowd cried out in shock and worry. Ushijima and Tendou cried out for a completely different reason. They cried out in pain. As soon as the ball made contact with your face, the two boys felt it, as if they had gotten hit as well.

“Ow, ow, ow… fuck! That hurts.” Tendou cried out, palm placed over the side of his face where you got hit. Ushijima was more silent, while still in just as much pain, he was less vocal and just groaned. Wincing and hoping the stinging would die down a bit as the seconds passed. As realization sunk in, both of their heads shot up to make sure you were okay.

They panicked slightly seeing you curled up on the floor, your teammates and coaches gathered around to make sure you were okay. When you finally stood up, they released a breath they didn’t even realize they were holding as relief flooded through their bodies. You were okay, they reassured themselves. After a short huddle with your team, and what looked like a lot of arguing on your end, you walked back onto the court as if nothing had happened, and continued on with your match. 

“They’re not going to check in with the nurse before continuing?” Tendou shouted out, confused by your rash actions. “Why is their coach letting them continue? They need to be checked out. They could have serious injuries.”

“Maybe, they’re okay to continue.”

“You and I both know they’re not okay. Fuck, it still hurts. How can you even focus on a game when you’re in this much pain? It’s obvious they don’t know when to quit, Waka.”

Ushijima was never one to laugh as often as others, but he had to admit it was slightly amusing to him, watching Tendou worry about you so early on. They hadn’t even met you yet, but he was already scolding you for not taking better care of yourself. He’s not going to lie, Ushijima is also concerned, just not as vocal about it as Tendou is. He couldn’t help but worry at the thought of you being hurt, it wasn’t his fault. The three of your soul connections were strong. He was certain that you were the one. They both were, and they couldn’t wait to finally meet you.

As soon as your match ended. Both men made their way to the gym doors to greet you upon your exit. For a second they thought they were too late. Finding no sign of you, or your team. Luckily their height had its advantages as they were easily able to look over everyone until they spotted you stopped at a water fountain further down the hall.

You continued drinking, completely oblivious to the two giants that stood towering behind you. Patiently waiting for you to finish up. When you did finish, taking a deep inhale to catch your breath, and quickly wiping the spare liquid off of your lips, you were more than surprised when you turned around. Being caught completely off guard, by the two intimidating strangers.

Ushijima was the first of them to speak up. Probably picking up on your slight confusion and looking to calm your nerves.

“That was a great game you played. My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi.” He spoke up, extending his arm. You smiled, giving his hand a quick shake and responding with your own name. His hand was much larger in comparison to your own. After introducing himself, he motioned to the redheaded man next to him, “This is-”

“Satori Tendou,” the man cut in, “That was one nasty hit you took out there, shorty,” Tendou smirked, leaning down a bit so you were making direct eye contact. “How’s your head feeling?”

“Oh, it didn’t hurt as bad as it looked,” you laughed, embarrassingly rubbing at the back of your neck. Both men gave each other a quick glance, each one thinking the same thing. Liar.

“Thank you for your concern,” You bowed, “but if you’ll excuse me, I should get back to my team. Our next match will be starting soon.” As you went to dash off in the direction of your court, you were pulled to a halt when Ushijima’s hand wrapped around your arm, holding you firmly in place.

“You shouldn’t jump back into the game so soon. You need time to heal and make sure you don’t have a concussion. Let us walk you to the nurse’s office.”

You were caught off guard by this stranger’s interest in your well being but ignored it. Chopping it up to him just being a nice guy. “I really am okay. Thank you. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

Again with the lies. They knew it still hurt. Fuck, they still felt the pain from where the ball made contact with your face. It slightly diminished from the beginning, but it was definitely still there.

“Listen. If you get checked out, and the nurse gives you the green light, then we promise to let it go. Plus, you won’t do your team any good if you play with a head injury. You’ll only hold them back, so it would be better for everyone if you just play it safe. The faster you get checked out, the faster you’ll get to jump back onto the court. You can trust us. We’ve been in the game for a while, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t gotten a few balls to the head myself,” Tendou joked.

You stood quiet, glancing at the ground as the two men stood patiently awaiting your response. You sure were a stubborn one.

“Okay.” You nodded, allowing the two to lead you in the direction of the nurse’s office.

“Wasn’t really a choice, but we appreciate your cooperation nonetheless.”

The office wasn’t too filled, so you actually got helped faster than you thought you would. Which was great since you were eager to get back on the court.

“Any head pain?” The nurse asked sweetly. To which you shook your head.

You heard the sound of someone clearing their throat and looked over to see Ushijima and Tendou looking over at you sternly from the corner.

“Umm… maybe a little.” You corrected, sheepishly.

The old lady smiled. “Okay, hun. Can you do me a favor and hop up and try to walk in a straight line for me?”

You got up. Following her directions and trying your best to walk as straight as possible, but found yourself losing your balance ever so slightly.

“Alright, go ahead and take a seat for me again, and I’m going to check your pupils real quick.” The second the light met your eyes you felt yourself flinching away, finding the small flashlight to be almost blinding.

“Well, I think that settles it, my dear.” The woman frowned. “It seems you have a slight concussion, but don’t stress too much. Nothing some over the counter pain meds and rest can’t fix. Unfortunately, that does mean no volleyball for at least a few days. Your brain is going to need some time to recover and we can’t have you worsening your injuries.”

You didn’t even look over at the two boys, already knowing a look of ‘I told you so,’ would be clear across their faces. It really sucked that one good hit would take you out of the game. Especially since you were really hoping to get the practice in with competitions starting up again soon. You hung your head low, making your way out of the office, and heading back to the gym.

“Where are you going?” A deep voice questioned from close behind.

“Back to the gym. Even if I can’t participate. I still want to cheer them on.”

“Did you even listen to what the nurse said?” Tendou sighed, clearly frustrated by your lack of ability to follow directions.

“I did, but I’ll be fine! I don’t even feel the pain anymore,” You argued.

“Why do you keep on lying to us? We know it still hurts. We feel it.”

You froze. Looking back and forth between the two men as the weight of their words slowly began sinking in. “...you both...the two of you…”

“Yes, we know this must be a shock Y/N, and your concussion probably isn’t making this any easier for you,” Ushijima began, before Tendou came in. Abruptly cutting him off.

 “But we are your soulmates. So there’s no point in trying to cover up your pain because we know how you feel.”

You definitely weren’t expecting this when you woke up. You knew you would find your soulmate eventually, but you weren’t expecting to have two. Sure it’s not unheard of. In fact, you’ve seen quite a few people with more than one soulmate, but that being said, you never thought that you would be one of them as well. Especially not now. 

You didn’t have time for a relationship. Not when you're gaining such a steady momentum in your volleyball progress. Plus you were never a big believer in soulmates, to begin with. When you were younger, sure. Who didn’t dream of getting swept away by their future love? But as you grew older, reality started coming more into light, and you learned that however bright one's love can glow, it can also go completely dark just as quickly. 

You’ve even seen it happen to one of your friend’s first hand. They were so happy when they found their soulmate, they looked like they were on top of the world. But as time progressed, their soulmate fell in love with someone else, and their once unbreakable love for one another slowly began getting chipped away at with every small fight. Until both of their hearts completely shattered. It hurt you to see them go through that, and you never wanted it to happen to you.

“Y/N?” Ushijima questioned

“I-I’m sorry. Did you say something? I spaced out there for a second.”

“Umm,” Your soulmates shared a look of concern as they glanced over at you, “I think it would be best if we took you home. You don’t look too well.”

Of course, you didn’t look well. Your head was pounding and you just found out that these two men you thought were strangers are actually your soulmates. You were surprised that you were still managing to stand considering how badly your head was spinning with this new information.

“I appreciate your concern, but I don’t feel comfortable going home with two strange men, I’ve only just met.”

“Strange men?” Tendou repeated, sounding shocked and slightly offended, by the use of your words, “Were not just some strange men. We’re your soulmates!”

Tendou was starting to get frustrated. While he and Ushijima were in a panic trying to find you, you seemed completely unfazed by the arrival of your soulmates. Were you ever even looking for them?

“Listen, I’m sorry, but I’m not looking to find my soulmates. The main focus in my life right now is volleyball, and school, so I have no interest in, or the time for forming a relationship at the moment. I think it would be best if you just forget you ever met me. I’m sorry, but at least you have each other, right? Isn’t that enough?”

Your words felt like a punch to the gut. How could you brush them aside so casually? Did they really mean so little to you?

...No, this wasn’t you. You weren’t thinking straight after that hit to the head. You don’t know what you want. You don’t know what you need.

“You’re right. We understand.” Ushijima lied, gripping Tendou’s shoulder so he would play along. “However, with your concussion, it would be far safer if you let us take you home,” Ushijima tried to reason.

“I’m telling you, I’m okay!” You tried to explain, turning to head back to your team, but you barely made it a few steps before losing your balance. You didn’t connect with the floor. Ushijima and Tendou not even giving you the chance before they were each at your side. Holding you upright.

“I’m sorry,” Tendou teased, the smirk he wore, obvious in his tone, even without looking at him. “You were saying what exactly?”

“Y/N, we just want to make sure you get home safely. We won’t even go inside if that’s what you’re afraid of. We’ll just walk you to your porch.”

You felt hesitant, but at the same time maybe it was for the best. Your teammates we’re already in the middle of a game, and there was no way you would feel okay with stealing one of them away to take you home. You also wouldn’t feel comfortable taking the train or bus home this late. Especially with your concussion leaving you extra vulnerable. Maybe letting them take you home was the best option.

“Okay.” Your soulmates grinned, and after you shot your teammates a text, saying you’d be going home early, you headed in the direction of the parking lot. Ushijima started the car up, while Tendou opened the back door for you, making sure to close it after you were settled. 

Maybe this was a dream. A weird long dream. Maybe that ball knocked you unconscious and you're really in the hospital right now. That would somehow make a lot more sense.

“Seatbelt.” Ushijima’s deep voice cut in, snapping your attention back to reality. “You need to put on your seatbelt.”

You obeyed, clicking the belt in place, then giving your address to Tendou so he could type it into his phone.

“Try to get some rest. We’ll wake you when we’re close.”

You didn’t know if it was the concussion or the fact that you played three volleyball matches in a row, but you felt exhausted. Already feeling yourself dozing off as you placed your head against the car door.

As you slept soundly in the back seat, Ushijima and Tendou stayed silent in the front seat so as not to wake you. Your words from earlier echoing through their brain like a broken record stuck on a constant loop.

‘I think it would be best if you just forget you ever met me. I’m sorry, but at least you have each other, right? Isn’t that enough?’

Did you even hear the words coming out of your mouth? Of course, it wasn’t enough. How could they go on with their lives as if they had never found you? They already felt such a strong connection to you, that it would be nearly impossible for the two of them to just forget about you completely. Yet, you say it so casually. As if it would be so simple to just walk away. But what you were asking for was just not in the cards. They needed you. And you needed them. You just didn’t know it yet. But that’s okay. They could help you realize just how much you needed them too.

[scummy-writes]

Arthur Week Day 4: Nightmares

Rating: G

Words: 1925

Pairing: Arthur/Mc

Full fic under the cut!

『• • • ✎ • • •』

How did you get into this situation? You peeked up at Arthur as you tugged his dark blue bed sheets over your shoulder, watching the way his eyes scanned the pages of the book he held in his hands. He sat beside you, one pillow behind his back while you sleepily nuzzled into the other, trying to ignore how the scent of his cologne surrounded you.

The only light on was the lamp by the bed at the perfect height for him to comfortably read with. The warm glow helped ease your nerves, especially as it made Arthur look more… mature with the way it framed his features. Relaxing. It was almost hard to believe this was the same man that constantly, lovingly, teased all the residents. Or that this was the same man that joked time after time about whisking you away from here, to a home just for the two of you.

For a moment, his gaze dipped away from the book, meeting yours, making your heart speed up again at being caught ogling. But he just smiled, quietly shutting his book.

"You look like you're ready to fall asleep, luv."

When you nodded, shyly returning your focus on snuggling into the sheets, he set his book upon his desk. Then his glasses, rubbing his eyes for a moment.

Soon, the pads of his fingers gently brushed your bangs aside. Tucking your hair behind your ear he hummed in thought.

"Would you rather go back to your room or would you like to stay here for the night?"

You were surprised he was giving you a choice. Honestly, you thought he was about to tell you to leave. While he teased and flirted with you on occasion, none of this was the excitement he seemed to seek out each night. Instead, it was boring. Comfortable, for you at least, and… embarrassing, giving the context.

But if you had to give an answer…

"Could I stay here?"

"Of course."

The lamp clicked off not a moment after, leaving you trying to readjust to the faint moonlight from the window that stretched over the room. You had a hunch he left the curtains open for you, but you didn't voice it as he settled into bed, letting out a content sigh.

"Mmh… Hey, bird?" You let out a hum of acknowledgment, feeling his fingers ghost along your cheek in a gentle caress before thumbing the skin there. "You said you had a nightmare, right?"

Yes… Earlier in the kitchen, where he had ran into you drinking a glass of water, trying to shake off the haunting images of your dream. He had still been awake writing, given the empty mug he was carrying in and the glasses he wore, but upon seeing you he seemed to drop any further plans he had that night, trying to coax out the reason you seemed so shaken up.

Which led you here, with his chest close enough to nuzzle into if you so wanted.

"Y-yeah…"

"Do you want me to stay awake until you fall asleep?"

"No, no, you don't have to go that far."

"Mm… You're right, I don't have to. But if it made you feel better, I would without a second thought, darling."

Heat rose to your cheeks hearing his rare pet name for you. "Just… just this is enough. It's more than enough." Then quieter, but no less honest. "...Thank you, Arthur."

"Mhm, anytime, bird. I'm always up late, and if I'm not ready to sleep yet you can rest here while I write."

"That sounds really nice…"

There was a beat of silence as a soft smile played at his lips and, feeling your heart stir against your will, you tightened the sheets around your shoulders. And speaking of, you couldn't help but trail your eyes over his, and then drag them towards his chest…

Arthur seemed to read you well even in the dark. With a quiet come here, he coaxed you into cuddling up to him; gently, of course. All it took was a comforting arm around you, and you gave in, letting Arthur hug you close.

Surely it was fine to do this, right? You were still shaken up over the dreams that had plagued you tonight- of course, the thunderous ba-dum against your ribs was from that, and not from finally knowing what it felt like to be held by Arthur.

(And God, did he smell so good.)

"You know… it doesn't have to be a nightmare. Even if you're just having a bad day, you can come to me and I'll do what I can to help."

When he got like this it was nearly impossible to refrain from melting into his arms. And you seemed to anyway, feeling yourself start to fade as he began to slowly rub your back.

"Mmh… Are you sure?"

"Dove, I'd do just about anything you asked."

-

This time, you didn't wake with a start. Rather, a slow few blinks mixed with a haze of confusion. Until you took a deep breath, remembering last night with the faint smell of coffee and musk.

The sun was yet to be seen, and you wondered how long you managed to sleep. Not enough, given how tired you still felt.

Glancing up, you saw that Arthur was still asleep. You idly wondered about the dream he was having as he stirred, only pulling you into a firmer embrace.

Was this why women chased after him so much? That, aside from the promise of pleasure he made well on, he would make them feel… safe?

Though, imagining that with other women felt off, especially the few times you had witnessed him coming back the morning after; weary, slightly out of character. With the additions of Theo's murmurings to you, you almost had half a mind to think he'd only do this for you.

Almost.

The mood soured by your own thoughts, you attempted to fall back asleep to the sound of his sleepy sighs- but it felt hopeless, as your mood sunk while the sun rose.

~☆~

True to his word, Arthur apparently would do anything you asked of him. It felt silly; being an adult and still seeking comfort so late at night. But instead of nightmares haunting you, it was memories refusing to stay buried. Something you didn't realize you had in common with Arthur until later that night.

When he had answered your knock, he did seem surprised, but moreso he looked weary. His smile couldn't seem to reach his eyes as he ushered you inside, which made your cheeks burn from shame, thinking that you were truly inconveniencing him and he was just too nice to say so. (Because really, how old were you now?)

But before any hasty apologies could spill out of you he was admitting how little sleep he had gotten lately. Arthur threw out the excuse of a manuscript keeping him up, but the smell of ink was nowhere to be found, and his desk was oddly bare.

"You can go ahead and hop into bed, my dove, I'll just be a moment."

His soft words were accompanied by a gentle pat on your shoulder before he turned around, opening his dresser drawers to pick out a fresh set of pajamas. Arthur changed in his small bathroom as you crawled into his bed, already feeling your body relax at the missed comfort.

Truly, Arthur could be too kind, you thought. Despite his countless warnings of the same vice towards you, maybe he was better off worrying about himself. After all, you weren't the one who looked so worn down and ragged when finally settling into bed.

Arthur spared a strained smile your way once the lights were out, the moonlight once again providing a soothing atmosphere.

"I may end up falling asleep first this time. I hope you'll forgive me for that."

"I’ve already told you that you didn't have to stay up for my sake, Arthur. I'll be okay." You stalled for a moment before inching closer, gingerly resting your hand on his side, "just being with you is enough for me."

"Mm…" His exhaustion showed with his lazy and crooked smile that made your heart flutter as he pulled you into his embrace, nuzzling against your hair, "be careful, bird, you'll lead me to believe that's under a different context."

The tease was meant to provoke a flustered reply, but you stayed silent, cheeks glowing as you imagined the context he was referring to.

-

You awoke to panting. Honestly, you almost fell back asleep immediately, and the only reason you didn't was due to the jolt that seemed to go through Arthur. And in just a blink, you were pushed off his chest rather abruptly, causing you to scramble to sit up.

Impulsively, you cut on the bedside light, just to be greeted by a shame-stricken Arthur. His eyes wavered with something you couldn’t quite catch, and then he was looking elsewhere, chest heaving as apologies stumbled out from him.

"Just- just a nightmare, luv. I-I didn't mean to wake you, not like that."

Drowsiness still taking hold of most of your thoughts, you nodded along, letting yourself catch your breath from the sudden start. And then you ran his words through your head again, frowning.

What nightmare had brought forth such a startling reaction?

Judging by the embarrassment still clouding his features- and his outright refusal to look you in the eye- it didn't seem like one he would be too keen on sharing. For an idle moment, you let yourself consider what would keep him awake at night, and how different the causes might be from your own.

The thought has you easing yourself under the covers again, hesitantly reaching for his arm and thumbing the patch of skin under his sleeve, muttering.

"… I'm here for you too, you know?"

Arthur’s breath stopped as he processed the words, shyly glancing your way.

"W-we don't have to talk about it, unless you want to that is, but…" Your cheeks burned, "you're always willing to ease my fears. Let me do the same?"

Arthur’s scoff almost made you recoil until he spoke, "rather sore I've let you see me in such a state," and then another look your way, "... but I do appreciate it, luv."

Wordlessly, you lifted your arm up- just enough for him to snuggle into your embrace with a self-deprecating chuckle against your shoulder.

"Thank you. For feeling sympathy for such a sorry bloke as myself."

“It’s okay to need a little help now and then, Arthur.”

His deep sigh gusted against your neck, making your cheeks burn further while you focused on his words,“... I do need that reminder now and again.”

“I’ll be here to give it to you,” Gingerly, you rubbed his back, thankful when he let himself relax into your hold, “... whenever you need.”

“Mm… Thank you, darling. I really mean it.”

There wasn’t much more to be said. Arthur only mumbled a few more tired apologies for his dazed behavior, and then he was fast asleep in your arms, his slow breathing helping lull your eyes closed.

True to his word, Arthur had been exhausted, and now the reason behind that was clear. Whether or not this same reason was behind other nights you saw of him in such a state was unclear, but… Hopefully, as he had been doing for you, you could ease his troubles and help him during those moments.

At least a little, right?

-------

Day four of Arthur Week! *wheezes* this was originally supposed to be longer but, ah... you all know the ol song and dance by now o|-< things didn't come out like I wanted and this is what I made do with.

Arthur is a godawful flirt, but I always appreciate the moments of genuine kindness he has, in or out of his route. Shows a Lot about him.

Thanks for reading!

Masterlist | Ikevamp Server

Tag list (I remembered this time!):

@aeoncryptic @kodzukenspie @anianakin @judgemental-seal @shookspearewrites @cauldroncatx @stehkotori @niintendoqs @otomefoxystar @blu-tigerr @jazzellen @cinnatwisted @buswilligan @tacogawa @kim-stitches @passionatebooklover @rinringo23 @aurora-morning @ike-simp @kimmy-banana

As always, let me know if you'd like to be added or removed! Thank you!

[alaskasmonsters]

(Un)deserving | Nishinoya Yuu

requested by @kyonsh​: Hii! I was wondering if you could write a Nishinoya angst with a fluff ending, in which they are childhood friends but Nishinoya feels he isnt enough for her. The plot can change if you feel like it! Thank u so much just for paying attention to my request!

pairing: nishinoya yuu x fem!reader

w.c: 3.343

warnings: angst (with happy ending), noya being hella insecure

a.n: i wonder if i’ll ever manage to finish requests quickly...thank you for being so patient with me <3 i’m finally finished and i really hope it’s what you imagined and i hope you like it! :3 (it’s like 2 am lol (what is sleep).)

If Nishinoya Yuu had to describe you in 10 words or less he’d say: “The most important person in my life.” And he’d say it with his whole chest.

Since early childhood you’ve been by Nishinoya’s side, as his best friend, and he couldn’t imagine you anywhere else other than beside him. You were his partner in crime, his ride and die, his...too precious to lose.

The two of you had met in kindergarten, at the playground. Little Nishinoya had made it his mission to become your best friend after he saw you punch another kid in the face for making fun of a girl who kept bringing her pacifier, seated in between her lips. The kid had called the girl a baby and mocked her making fake crying noises, fists wiping at his eyes as he pouted and frowned. He hadn’t stopped, not even after the girl had started sobbing, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Nishinoya had gotten ready to be her knight in shining armor, standing to his feet tall with his chest puffed out, when you had already swept in. You hadn’t wasted any time and lunged at the boy, sucker punching him in the face.

Little Nishinoya had watched with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, the sight of a petite girl knocking down a boy older and taller than her had been absolutely world changing to him. In the matter of seconds, you had gone from “girl he goes to kindergarten with” to “most amazing person in the whole town” in his eyes.

You were cool! Not taking any shit from other kids, but you were kind and protective over your friends.

Ensuring your alliance had been of utmost importance to him, the top priority on his list of priorities. He hadn’t realized it back then, still too young and green behind his ears to understand the feelings already blooming in his chest, but he’d been smitten with you since then.

And when you’d agreed to be friends with him, because he was fun and you wanted to play pirates with him, little Nishinoya had lit up like a christmas tree. Since that day he’d stood a little bit taller than before.

That was the first of many times he’s received some kind of approval from you. You liked to give compliments, especially to him (and that wasn’t making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside! No!) But the feeling he’d get when you did, the warmth he’d feel enveloping his whole body and the feeling of growing a little taller with every nice word you fed him, nourishing to him like water to a plant, never dulled.

With you next to him he had felt like the tallest boy on the playground.

You’d been best friends ever since and still Nishinoya couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d won the lottery of life, whenever you’d show up to one of his volleyball games wearing his, his, sweater or every time you’d laugh at one of his joke and you’d laugh at all of them! Even the bad ones.

He felt so lucky that you’d chosen him back then and never gone back on it. Why you’d chosen him he had no idea, but he wouldn’t dare to question it...

If Nishinoya Yuu had to choose one reason why he’d fallen in love with you, he’d remain quiet.

It would have been a betrayal to his feelings for you if he’d spoken up since everything you did and everything you were, all your little tics and habits and quirks, everything that made you so blatantly you, was why he’d fallen so deeply he’d never be able to recover from it. There wasn’t a singular reason, it was all of them.

He’d fallen in love with your different smiles. The way your lips quirked up when you were watching their team train, the soft curve of your lips when the two of you were being silly with each other, the wide stretch of your mouth when you were so happy you could run and dance and scream. He knew what all of them meant and he thought of every single one of them as beautiful.

He loved your silliness. He loved your excitement. He loved your annoyance. He loved your frustration.

The face you made when Nishinoya let his indifference towards his grades show, all scrunched up and displeased, he loved that one, too. And then you’d scold him because if he was performing badly in school he wouldn’t get to participate in the training camps!

He loved that a single nudge to your side could turn you into a giggling mess.

He just loved you...

If Nishinoya Yuu had to name his biggest fear, something he was feared more than anything else, he’d say: “Losing Y/n.”

It was the same answer as to the question of why he hadn’t confessed his feelings to you, yet, told you how he felt, asked you to be his girlfriend.

Because he hadn’t.

What was he so afraid of? Nishinoya, the boy who’d chosen not to be afraid of anything because fear was a waste. Fear stopped people from learning and growing, gathering new experiences and gaining more knowledge. It’s a lesson his gramps had taught him.

So why did he let fear stop him this time?

Well, it was pretty simple.

You were you and Nishinoya was...Nishinoya.

You were well liked by everyone, since you were smart and pretty and honest and kind. You could probably get every boy you wanted in Karasuno High, there was no reason for you to choose him

He was too loud and too passionate, he knew that, and not exactly popular with girls either, partly because of that. Girls didn’t like him because of his height, being 5’3” wasn’t exactly what most girls imagined the ideal height for their boyfriend. They’d rather go for someone like Tsukkishima or Asahi, although those two were awfully awkward with receiving the affections.

You didn’t seem to mind his loud personality or his small built. After all, you were his best friend. Though, Nishinoya couldn't possibly imagine you found it endearing (in a romantic way) or dare he think even attractive.

You were cute, adorable actually, and he wasn’t on your level.

You were pretty, so beautiful and he wasn’t on your level.

You were the most amazing girl he’d ever had the honor to meet….and he wasn’t on your level.

He didn’t deserve you. Not in the way he wanted to deserve you.

He wanted to be good enough to be by your side, not just as your best friend but as something more. He wanted to hold your hand while walking home, kiss your cheek, call you his girlfriend.

He knew he stood no chance, Nishinoya was fairly optimistic and too ambitious for his own good, but he knew when it was time to back down. You would never see him as more than just your best friend and even if you did, you deserved better than him.

Realizing this hurt, a lot, the thought to never be with you...it ripped him apart. Thinking of you smiling or laughing at anybody elses jokes, wearing somebody else's sweater...it made anger swirl through him, hot and unsettling and ugly.

So he put a plan into work, a bad one admittedly, but it was better than no plan at all. He’d try to keep his distance, just for a little while, until those feelings he harbored for you eventually faded into nothingness. He hoped it would hurt less then, him and you, since he wouldn’t be pining after you anymore and you weren’t in danger of him possibly spilling his feelings to you and putting you into a situation where you were forced to reject him.

You wouldn’t like that, you were too kind, knowingly hurting him would end up hurting you just as bad. He wanted to prevent that.

Keeping his distance made sense. It would spare the both of you a lot of pain.

He’d been wrong about that, very wrong...

If Nishinoya Yuu regretted one decision he made in his life more than any other it would have been this one.

The look on your face was heartbreaking, as you stood before him, in front of his door. He couldn’t be all too happy to have you here after weeks of barely talking to each other. Your eyes were red and puffy and your lips were trembling, but you stood before him with your back straightened and your chest puffed out, just like you always did when you were afraid.

Nishinoya’s heart sunk in his chest when he noticed.

“Noya?” your voice was soft, almost swallowed by the wind.

He hated hearing you sound so scared, hated the crack in your voice. He couldn’t stand it.

“Why are you avoiding me? Is it something I did?”

So you noticed. Of course you noticed. You weren’t an idiot, no he was the idiot. For not being able to push those nasty feelings aside that were slowly eating away at him.

He averted his glance, shifting until he’d found a crack in the mural he could focus on, anything was better than having to look at your sad face.

He couldn’t stand it.

“I’m not avoiding you...”

He knew you wouldn’t buy it, not when he sounded this dishonest and looked all uncomfortable and clenched up. You were smarter than that.

You frowned at him, angered by his denial of what he’s so clearly done. Which was ignoring you, for weeks that was. And he hadn’t been very subtle either. No, Yuu had kept making up excuses, telling you he couldn’t hang out with you because he was busy with homework (not a very believable excuse), or he had to visit his gramps (usually you’d go with him?) or he had to help his mom with groceries or...there were too many too count. And all of them had been bad.

During school, he had talked to you less. He’d find excuses not to eat lunch with you as often or convince you it wasn’t necessary to watch the boy’s volleyball training all that often. Usually you’d stayed almost everyday after school, heck, you were an honorable manager at this point, before Yuu had started acting weirdly around you that was.

At first, you’d tried to push feelings of concern and worry away, thinking maybe Yuu was just having a weird day...or week maybe. But your best friend hadn’t stopped acting strange and he hadn’t stopped reducing the time you saw and spoke to each other to a bare minimum.

And now you were standing in front of his door and he was acting like nothing was wrong at all?

You wouldn’t just keep on ignoring this.

You pushed past him and inside the house, quickly throwing your shoes off and stomping to the kitchen, letting your bag drop to the ground near the counter. You turned around to see Yuu had followed you, looking at anything but you. Such a coward.

“Talk to me!” you urged him, your voice still hoarse from all the tears you’d shed because of him.

The boy let out a heavy sigh, scratching at his neck as he tried to find another excuse to tell you. You just knew it, you could see it in how his eyes still refused to meet yours.

“It’s nothing, Y/n. Look, I promise.”

New tears pricked at the inside of your eyes, daring to spill over because damn this was so frustrating.

“Yes, it is something! Tell me!”

“No, really it’s-”

“Tell me.”

“I swear it’s-”

“Tell me.”

“Y/n!”

“Nishinoya!”

The boy froze up, his eyes darting up to stare at you in shock. You held his glance, happy you had at least made him look at you properly, although the weight of his glance felt heavy as his eyes began to look glassy.

You had never called him by his last name before.

Nishinoya bit his lips, clearly distressed now that he realized how hurt you really were by his unjustified avoidance of you, that despite your silent submission to his distance you hadn’t been okay with it, in the slightest.

He reached out to you, the urge to be close to you and cheer you up again was huge, but you turned, denying his touch. He let his arm drop unceremoniously to his side again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled because he was.

This had been a stupid plan. He should have never gone with avoiding you in the first place, not when he should have known it would probably lead to this…He thought he could prevent both of you from getting hurt, but his approach had achieved the complete opposite.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Yuu,” you started again, rubbing your cheeks to remove the wetness the tears had left behind.

He hated seeing you cry,

“I can’t.”

“Why not? We don’t usually keep secrets from each other.”

“I just can’t.”

Your shoulders dropped a little and you looked away, instead staring out of the window.

“Oh,” you sounded discouraged now, tired even.

Nishinoya was afraid of losing you, he’d rather hack off his arms and say goodbye to his healthy limbs than say goodbye to you. That’s why he would never tell you about his feelings, because if he did he’d end up losing you. Not immediately, but in the end he would. You didn’t return his feelings and although you’d surely be okay with staying friends it would soon become awkward between the two of you. You would hang out less, talk less until you were just strangers who were once best friends.

The thought was depressing but necessary to motivate Nishinoya to keep quiet.

“No, screw that!!

Your angry voice ripped him out of the spiral of dred he’d found himself in. He blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts, eyes falling to your face automatically.

It was all scrunched up, your eyes twinkling with determination. It was the same face you had made just before you had punched that boy on the playground back there and for a second he was sure you’d do it again. Punch him for being so stupid and hurting you. He would have deserved that.

You didn’t.

“Even if you can’t tell me you still should! You’re my best friend, we always tell each other everything and i don’t want that to change!”

Your hands were clenched to fists as you stared him down, daring, no challenging him to respond. But Nishinoya found himself unable to.

Your words left him feeling cold, the dooming realization that whatever he’d do, refuse to talk or admit his feelings for you, the dynamic between the two of you would forever change, washed over him like icy water

You wouldn’t just take his silence. If he didn’t talk, didn’t tell you the reason, the real reason why he avoided you, you wouldn't forgive that. Not purposely, but a part of the trust you shared would forever be gone. On the other hand if Nishinoya spilled the beans and told you that he was in love with you for quite some while and had avoided you to try and make those feelings go away before they could ruin your friendship...he couldn’t even imagine how you’d react.

You wouldn't be happy. Would you be scared, sad, empathetic? He didn’t know which would be worse.

“Yuu, please!”

He didn’t have a choice. He had to tell you. That was the only possibility he had that might lead to a better outcome to the first one. He just had to be straightforward with you, you'd appreciate that.

“I love you.”

A little too straightforward.

You stared at him in silence, face blank. Before he could regret his words and paddle back Nsihinoya straightened his back and puffed out his chest, hoping he’d gain just as much bravery doing that than you always did.

“I love you and I have for a while,” he continued, standing a little bit taller than before, “I didn’t tell you because i didn’t want to pressure you or make you feel guilty for not feeling the same, so i avoided you. I thought maybe it would get rid of the feelings, but I still think you’re the most beautiful and smartest and kindest and funniest girl I've ever met and that probably won’t change either.”

You were still only staring at him so Nishinoya decided he’d just go on.

“Every time I'm with you I feel like I'm the tallest person on the planet. You make me feel strong and brave and like the best version of myself. I know i’m not your type and i know i don’t deserve being with you, that’s why i tried the avoidance thing, to make it less awkward but now-”

Nishinoya hadn’t caught you moving until suddenly you were standing right in front of him. The words died on his tongue as he was met with the look in your eyes, unshakable and sparkling with a confidence he’d never seen with you. It had rendered him speechless.

There was no hesitation in your movements as you reached up to twist your fingers into his shirt and pulled, no... yanked him down until his lips were tightly pressed against yours. His heart skipped a beat, no several beats, as he was frozen in his shock. Hot and cold shivers ran down his spine in time your lips started moving against his. Softly. Uncertain.

Then you pulled back again, just as his brain started catching up to what was happening. Your cheeks were flushed and when Nihsinoya tried to meet your eyes you lowered your head to stare at his chest instead.

“You’re such an idiot, Yuu. Saying stupid things like that,”you murmered and he saw the tips of your ears turn red.

“You kissed me,” he had blurted it out before he was able to stop himself.

You huffed, your fingers tightening their grip around his shirt and Nishinoya realized in amusement that you were embarrassed at your own straightforwardness.

“You kissed me!” he repeated, the confidence slowly returning to him at the premise that you must return his feeling to do something as bold as kissing him….on the lips!

“Shut up, I know,” you whined, hitting your forehead to his chest.

It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulder, like the invisible thread that had been separating you before, one only Nishinoya had been able to see had been severed. You had kissed him after he told you he loved you.

You returned his feelings!

Nishinoya hugged you, eyes wrapping around your form with ease and his head resting on top of yours, your face still hidden in his chest.

“I love you,” he repeated softly, testing the words once more and felt you visibly relaxing in his arms when his voice reached your ears.

“I love you, too,” you replied quietly, words muffled against the fabric of his shirt but still it was enough for him to hear.

He pulled back, just enough so you couldn’t hide your face away anymore and he grinned at you, a grin you’d return with just as much intensity. You really were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

“I can’t believe you kissed me just like that,” he teased you, remembering how bold of you that was.

You playfully hit him in the chest, whining once more, but Nishinoya just laughed gleefully at the blush gracing your cheeks, before he leaned closer again. Close enough so both of your noses almost touched. Your eyes went wide and he could swear you stopped breathing, too, for a second. Nishinoya watched your reaction in amusement.

“Do it again!” he whispered, the challenge made your face light up again.

And you didn’t let him tell you twice.

If there was one moment Nishinoya Yuu would never want to stop it was definitely this one.

Taglist: @crystal-lilac​

[elmidol]

Genre [Mana x Reader]

Fandom: D.Gray-Man

Pairing: Mana x Reader

Word Count: 728

Summary: A drabble wherein the Reader considers her passing relationship with Mana.

You were not, by high society’s standards, a lady. Which was insulting, however you made do with what life had handed out. A lack of monetary resources to shamelessly spend. House of a suitable size. The need to make a living, which numerous individuals frowned upon even within your class. They would have preferred you wed and become a housewife. There was no shame in that, if your heart had been there. It was not. Another thing about your life people saw fit to criticize was that you rather enjoyed reading in your spare time. It was not entirely easy for you to come by new reading material for your preferred genres, yet in this you also made do.

 There was one man who did not look down on you for your choices. He passed you by, his dog trailing after him. You twisted around to consider him. He was not dressed for a show yet. You knew he was a clown. Boy did he look vastly different without the make-up. Much younger. More approachable. To many, clowns were either horror or comedy. You found him to be rather tragic, although you could not place your finger on to why this was.

 You replaced the papers she had previously considered purchasing and walked in the man’s direction. Allen paused, the small pup cocking his head and wagging his tail upon seeing you. It had to have been the absence of those pawsteps that alerted Mana to his companion leaving. He twisted rightwards then left before turning around in full. His gaze remained low, seeking Allen. You observed the moment Mana located the dog, saw the instantaneous relief cross his features.

 He genuflected beside the dog, stroking Allen’s head as he lifted his gaze, catching sight of you. There was a light to his eyes that gripped your heart. Your stomach did a flip. You had known you were falling for this man, however you worked to shove aside the depth of those feelings. Even now you did. The smile on your face remained level, not too wide, and you gave a small nod of greeting. A gentle hello that was not too friendly.

 This could not be a romance, because that, too, would end in tragedy. How you knew this, you could not say. Being well-read? Books were not always reflective of life, and vice-versa. There were differences. You had to not be afraid to live.

 Mana rose to his full height. “Good morning~” he returned cheerfully. It was an improvement to your previous meeting with him, during which time he had spoken in a rather somber tone.

 “Will you be traveling again?” He nodded, his smile still plastered to his face though it no longer quite reached his eyes. That sadness, the light dimming. “I look forward to your return.” Mana stepped nearer. You swallowed thickly, unable to suppress your reaction in time. Heat seaped into your face. Your heart fluttered. Mana reached into his coat pocket and procured a flower, which he handed to you. Like a clown drawing out a ribbon from nowhere. A magic trick meant to bring joy. And it did, though with that joy there was a level of despair.

 You accepted the flower. Brought it to your face and inhaled its sweet scent. “Mana…” you trailed off, lowered your hand. And, proving high society correct in regards to how they viewed proper behavior for a lady, you closed the distance between the pair of you and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

 Perhaps, you thought as you allowed yourself some hope, adventure suited him more. It could be that his life was at a crossroads on this path of adventure. He was always traveling, after all. Who knew what he left behind with each venture away?

 “Of course.” He reached down, stroked Allen’s head. The dog leaned against the man’s leg. You toyed with the flower’s stem, reveling in the fact that neither of you were moving away from one another. Not all romances, you reasoned, had to be some great affair. Not all of them lasted a lifetime.

 Mana reached up with his other hand and touched where you had kissed him. The light had returned to his eyes, his smile again wide. Genuine. No matter how things wound up, it would not be a tragedy. You would not let it.

[justthehiddleswrites]

Best of Friends | Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Summary:  Since meeting on the set of Avengers, Tom and you have been inseparable. So much so that all your friends and costars think you are secretly dating. A photo by Mark brings the situation to a head.

Warnings: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Napping, Kissing, Love Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Implied Sexual Content

-

“Scarlett! Come here!” Ruffalo hissed as she walked by the trailer on her way back from lunch.

Her shoulders slumped as she marched to Mark. “What are you even doing in Tom’s trailer?”

Mark waved her forward. “Just come here and check this out.”

Scarlett poked her head into the doorway. She spied you and Tom asleep on the couch. You snuggled into the curve of Tom’s body and his arm wrapped around your waist. Both of your face settled into contented smiles.

“Are you sure they aren’t…” Scarlett made a rude gesture and Mark rolled his eyes. “sleeping together?”

“They say no, but come on, friends don’t act like this.” He jabbed a finger at the two of you.

Scarlett leaned against Mark. “Awww, Mark, you wouldn’t spoon with me?” She batted her eyelashes.

Mark shoved her with his shoulder. “Only if you asked nicely.”

The two of them giggled and Scarlett tugged at Mark’s arm. “Come on, let’s leave the two lovebirds alone to their nap.”

“Sure, just one moment…” Mark whipped out his phone and snapped a pic of the two of you. “… there, now we can leave.”

Scarlett’s brow furrowed. “What are you planning to do with that?”

Mark pocketed his phone. “Right now, nothing. But you never know.”

-

You groaned as you woke from your after lunch nap. When you tried to sit up and found yourself held back by something. And by something you meant Tom’s arm wrapped around your waist. You didn’t remember Tom lying down with you, but it didn’t surprise you. Tom was your best friend and the two of you have been attached at the hip since meeting on the set of Avengers.

“Tom.” You pushed his shoulder to jostle him. “Tom, wake up.”

Tom hummed and stretched as he blinked his eyes, adjusting to the light. “Huh? Hmm…” He smiled at you sitting next to him. “I guess I was more tired than I realized.” Tom sat up next to you. “I didn’t bother you, did I?”

You smiled and kissed his cheek. “You never bother me. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I slept so well on set. Perhaps you need to be my nap buddy.” you giggled, standing and cracking your neck.

Tom smiled back at you. “I am game if you are.” He glanced down at his watch. “I am due back on set, darling.” He kissed the top of your head. “And aren’t you due into make up?”

You glanced at the clock on the wall. “Unfortunately, yes.”

The two of you worked out of the kinks from the nap before stepping out into the harsh light of day. Tom grabbed your hand and squeezed.

“Still on for dinner at my place?” he asked.

“Are you making Bolognese?”

Tom smirked. “Do I make anything else for you?”

“No. You know that is my favorite.” You squeezed his hand back. “I’ll just ride back with you, if that is okay?”

“Always. And I still have your spare clothes in the guest room if you sleep over.”

“Perfect!” You hugged him tight. “See you on set.”

Tom nodded and the two of you took off in different directions.

-

“Think fast, Hiddleston!” you called out as you hurled a prop dagger at Tom.

He ducked just in time, and the dagger whizzed past his head. You bent over in giggles as Tom’s eyes narrowed at you. He flipped his own prop daggers in his hands.

“This means war.” He charged towards you with a devious grin. You yelped and took off at a full run. Tom soon caught up with you and cornered you by a stack of mats for stunts. “Do you yield?” He pointed one of the daggers at you.

“Never.” You leaned towards him.

You grabbed Tom’s arm and spun in place. You used all your stunt training and hurled Tom over onto the mats with a loud thud. Everyone’s head snapped over to the two of you, but you were too wrapped up in Tom to notice.

You straddled Tom’s hips and pressed your arm into his neck. “Do you yield?” You leaned down so your noses touched. “You puny God.”

Tom’s smile disappeared, and you relaxed your posture. A mistake. Tom used his height to roll you to the side, his legs now straddling you. You struggled against him and he pinned your hands above your head.

“Who’s the puny god now?” Tom gloated. “Yield.”

You leaned forward as much as Tom would let you. “Never.” You tried to roll the two of you over, but Tom pushed you into the mat with his body, using every advantage.

“YIELD!” he shouted, his voice echoing around the set.

“I yield.” you muttered, turning your head to the side.

Tom smiled and kissed your cheek. “See, you were meant to be ruled.” He stood and offered you a hand up.

“I’ll get you next time.” you commented.

“All right, everyone. Enough horseplay.” The director glared and you and Tom. “Let’s get this done.”

“Apologies.” Tom murmured before getting into shot. You wandered off to the side.

Scarlett grabbed you by the elbow and tugged you away from the rest of the crowd.

“What the hell was that?” She hooked her thumb over her shoulder in Tom’s direction.

“That?” Your nose scrunched up. “Tom and I were just goofing around. Like we always do.”

She pursed her lips, staring at you. “And the two of you are just friends.”

“Yeah. Best friends. You know all this. You were there when Tom and I met. Why are you asking?”

Scarlett shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I say this as a friend, people are talking.”

“About me and Tom?”

“Everyone thinks you’re secretly dating.” she blurted out.

“What!? Me and Tom?! Be serious. He is my closest friend. I couldn’t date him. That would be too weird.” you scoffed.

“I’m just saying the two of you act more like boyfriend and girlfriend than friends.”

You opened your mouth to retort, but an assistant popped over.

“They’re ready for the two of you.”

Scarlett and you nodded and jogged back to set.

-

Tom wandered over to craft services after finishing his scenes. Benedict came up behind him and clapped Tom hard on the shoulder.

“Congratulations, pal. It’s about time your took the plunge.”

Tom blinked back. “What are you talking about? The scene? I appreciate the support, but I assure my ego doesn’t need that much stroking.” Tom grabbed a chocolate chip muffin and some tea.

“I’m talking about the latest development in your love life. She’s a great girl, but I don’t need to tell you that.” Benedict leaned into his friend to whisper. “And sneaking off to sleep together during filming. Bold move.”

Tom continued to stare at his good friend in disbelief. “I’m afraid I still don’t understand what on earth you are talking about?”

Benedict sighed and pulled out his phone. “Mark caught the two of you.” He flashed the picture of you and Tom sleeping earlier that day.

“We’re not dating.”

Benedict shrugged his shoulders. “That is not how friends act.”

“Sure it is.” Tom smiled.

“When is the last time you and I snuggled during a nap?” Benedict pointed out.

Tom opened and closed his mouth. “Never.”

“And the last time you went out on a date?”

Tom thought for a minute before answering. “At least two years.”

“Try closer to four years.” Tom opened his mouth to protest, but Benedict held up his hand to stop him. “Think about that, Tom. Coincidence you stopped dating around the time the two of you met?” Benedict patted his back one more time. “Hey, changing the subject, do you have dinner plans tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m making dinner for…” his voice trailed off before looking away.

Benedict yelled over his shoulders. “That is why everyone thinks you are dating.”

-

Both you and Tom stayed silent on the ride back to his rented flat. You cleared your throat to break the silence.

“Tired?” you asked, turning to face Tom.

He turned to you and gave a slight smile. “A bit. You?”

“Same.” you shrugged your shoulders. Scarlett’s comments weighed heavy on your mind. “It was a long day.”

“It was.” Tom’s hands fidgeted in his lap.

“You know you don’t have cook if you’re not up to it. We can always order in.”

Tom smiled. “That sounds like an excellent plan. If you don’t mind, I realize you had your heart set on Bolognese.”

You shook your head. “I’m fine, Tom. Your company is what I want.” You reached over for Tom’s hand.

As you walked into Tom’s flat, you went straight to Tom’s collection of takeout menus. You fanned them out in your hand.

“Which one did you eat last night?”

“I’m wounded. That you would be under the impression—”

“Which one?” You raised an eyebrow.

Tom slumped and flicked a finger at one of the menus. “BBQ.”

You plucked that menu out of the rotation. “Burgers, sushi, or Chinese?”

“Burgers.”

“I support that decision. Here.” You tossed the menu at Tom. “You order. You know what I like.”

Tom punched the number into his phone, while you fished two beers out of the fridge and handed one to him after opening it. You flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote.

“I’m picking the show!” you called out.

Tom plopped down on the other end of the couch and pulled your feet onto his lap, rubbing them. you groaned in appreciation.

“That feels amazing. You treat a girl right.”

Tom paused. “Did you know everyone on set assumes we’re dating?” He sipped his beer.

“Did Scarlett talk to you too?”

Tom choked on his beer. “No, Benedict. What did Scarlett say to you?”

“That we act more like girlfriend and boyfriend than friends. What did Ben say?”

“Something similar. He suspects you are the reason I’m not dating.”

You huffed. “Ridiculous. I am supportive of your love life.”

“Exactly. And so what if we’re close? It’s not weird. I don’t care how that photo looks.”

It was your turn to snort your beer. “What photo?”

“The one of us napping after lunch today.” Tom searched through his phone and flipped the search towards you.

“Aww. We are adorable. I don’t see anything weird about that.” you half lied. The two of you looked more intimate than friends.

“That’s what I said.” Tom commented. “I mean you and I dating…”

“Crazy.” you retorted.

“Ridiculous.” Tom added.

The two of you laughed at the notion before falling silent. Just as you said something, the delivery guy knocked on the door. You tucked your feet back as Tom stood to answer the door.

Tom returned with the containers of burgers and fries and spied you chewing your lip.

“Compliments to the chef.” He handed you the food.

“Oh… Thanks.” you responded absentmindedly.

“If the photo is bothering so much, I can speak to Mark tomorrow.”

“No, no, no. The photo is fine. I’m just hungry and tired.”

“You can always stay overnight.” Tom offered.

“I don’t want to be a burden. I’ll Uber home later.”

Tom’s heart sank a bit. He always enjoyed breakfast in the morning when you stayed over. It made the entire day go better when he woke up to see your face.

“How’s your burger?” you asked, changing the subject.

“Good. Yours?”

“Tasty.”

You spent the rest of the meal chatting about mundane topics with Tom. Both of you ignoring the elephant in the room. Once the burgers were gone and the beer bottles empty, you rose to leave.

“I should be on the way. I have an early call time tomorrow.”

“Stay.” Tom offered again. “You are never a burden.”

“I really shouldn’t.” It was a lame excuse.

“At least let me drive you.”

You threw Tom a glare. “Tom, you know that if you do that, you are ending up spending the night at my place on the couch.”

“Then just stay here in my spare room. What’s the problem? You do it all the time.”

“Maybe that’s the problem, Tom!” you blurted out.

“What?” His face twisted up in confusion. “There’s no problem. Everything is—”

“Please don’t say ‘fine’. Something is not fine if all of our friends are thinking we are dating! I need to go home, Tom. I will see you tomorrow.”

Tom reached for you but stopped himself. “Perhaps it is for the best. Do you want to ride over together?”

You shook your head. “I’ll see you on set.” you stepped forward and kissed his cheek. “Goodnight, Tom. Sleep well.”

Tom frowned as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “I’ll bring you coffee in makeup.” He kissed the top of your head. “Don’t put stock in the rumours, darling. I would hate to lose you as a friend over this.”

You pulled back and gave Tom a pained smile. “That would never happen. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“That goes double for me.”

A car horn beeped outside.

“That’s my ride.”

Tom nodded and released you. You waved goodbye before shutting the door behind you. Tom readied himself for bed and slipped between the cold sheets in his quiet and empty flat. He tossed and turned, unable to find sleep. Around two in the morning, Tom threw the covers off.

“Damn it!” he cursed as he dressed.

-

Sleep came to you in fits and starts. Just as you dozed off again, a knock at the door jolted you awake. You grabbed a robe and peeped through the hole. You spied Tom pacing the hallway.

“What in the hell? Tom?” you called out to him as you opened the door.

“You’re awake!” He pushed his way into your flat.

“Someone knocked on my door.” You chuckled at your own lame joke. Tom ignored you. “What’s wrong, Tom?”

“Go out with me.” He stopped pacing to stare at you.

You giggled. “Sure. We can go out to dinner tomorrow, if you want. But that hardly needs you to drive over here at 2:30 in the morning.”

“No. I mean, go out with me. On a date.”

Your stomach flipped. You stared at Tom, waiting for the punchline. For him to laugh. All he did was continue to stare at you with those intense blue eyes.

“Be serious.”

“I am serious.” He stepped towards you.

“You said to ignore the rumours.”

“I did. I was wrong.”

“That’s a first.” you muttered.

“You still haven’t answered my question. Will you go out on a date with me?”

Your heart jumped into your throat and room closed in around you.

“What if it doesn’t work? What if we screw it up?”

Tom stepped forward to cup your face. “But what if it works? What if we have been screwing it up all along by not taking this step?” He leaned in towards you. “What if losing you as a friend means finding the love of my life?”

Tom’s nose nudged against yours, and you rose on your toes, closing the distance between you. The moment his lips touched yours, you realized Tom was right. About all of it. The two of you had been lying to yourself all this time.

You wrapped your arms around Tom’s neck as his hands fisted the back of your robe. The two of you sighed and parted.

Tom pressed his forehead against yours, panting. “I hate when you’re right.” you groused, smiling.

“Get used to it. Because you are not getting rid of me now.”

“But I need to sleep. And so do you.” Tom nodded and moved towards the door. You caught his hand. “Where do you think you are going?”

“Home, you said we needed to—”

“You’re not going traditional on me now.” Tom stared back at you. You smirked as you continued. “I believe there are some pajamas your size in the dresser and we have already shared a nap together. We might as well go all in.”

Tom’s eyes widened as you pulled him towards the bedroom.

-

“Mark, leave them alone.” Scarlett scolded as he climbed the stairs to your trailer.

Mark shushed Scarlett. “I just want to get another picture. Now are you going to help or not?”

“Not.” She spun on her heel and walked away. “And you should walk away too.”

“Party pooper.” Mark pushed open the door. His mouth fell open at the sight before him.

Tom and you broke from your passionate kiss on the couch, your mouths bruised, and smiled at Mark.

“Ah, Mark. Do you mind?” Tom commented. “My girlfriend and I would like a little bit of privacy.”

Mark blinked before scrambling back through the door. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t…”

“Lock the door!” you snapped back. Mark fell back down the stairs, muttering the entire time.

Tom stared up at you and started laughing. “I think we gave him quite a fright.”

“Serves him right. Disturbing us.”

“Quite right. Now where were we?”

You smiled back at him before kissing him again.

[betweenthepages]

Hold Me, Love Me; Dean Forester x Male! Reader

Warnings ⚠️ - mentions of rape, sexual assault

Summary: Dean has difficulty finding a mate due to being different to most omegas. But on one faithful night, he finds someone who will accept him for his differences and give him the life he deserves.

Word count: 3218

Being an omega wasn’t easy. You were the lowest in society, had the least power. If you were unmated, you had to deal alphas staring you down everywhere you went, pure hunger and lust in their eyes. It was sickening. However if you were Dean Forester, life was twice as difficult. Everyone figured he’d present as an alpha, with his steady build and towering height. When he was revealed to be an omega, there were mixed reactions. His friends and family were surprised, but they would accept him no matter what. On the other hand, he got looks of disgust from the townspeople. Omegas were meant to be small, pretty. Not like him.

Dean wished he had a mate. Someone to love him, take care of him and hopefully be the father of his future children. And if he found his soulmate, he’d finally be spared from men whistling at him on the streets or constantly looking over his shoulder while on a late night walk. No one would dare touch a mated omega. There were too many stories of alphas going on a possessive rage when another alpha dare even look at their mate for too long, sometimes it lead to death. Dean was stronger than most omegas, thank god for that but he wasn’t taking any chances.

Unfortunately, the chances of him finding an alpha were slim. No one could love someone like him, or at least that’s what he thought. Even though Dean’s body was different, his personality was very omega-like, something alpha’s would swoon over. He was shy and timid, easily startled. He had a look of innocence in his eye, which increased the common desire to wreck him. He was well mannered and had such a kind soul, always willing to help anyone who needed it. His heart was simply too big for his chest. Of course people took advantage of that sometimes, but he didn’t let a couple mishaps ruin his sweet nature.

Dean stared at the calendar on the wall, his face paling. His heat was in a week. And he was out of suppressants. Panic took over him as he realised he was supposed to start taking them today, as you have to take them every night a week before your heat for them to work. Shit shit shit. His eyes darted to the clock. 11:15 at night. Going out this late by himself was a death wish, but he had no choice. Going through a heat by yourself without medication was unbearable, and he wasn’t willing to go through that. He looked at his outfit in the mirror, making sure his clothes were baggy enough to cover every inch of his body, anything that might tempt alphas.

He took a deep breath, wiping his hands on his jeans. It was just a walk around the block to the pharmacy. Not too far. He’ll be there and back in no time. The icy wind brought goosebumps to his skin. There wasn’t anyone on the street at this hour, at least not anyone in sight. Sometimes alphas would hide in bushes or alleyways and pounce on unsuspecting omegas. The thought made him shudder. He increased his pace, following the light of the dimly lit street lamps.

So far so good. Just a little more and- fuck. There was a dimly lit alleyway he had to pass to get to the store. His blood ran cold. Fear churned in his gut staring into the dark abyss. Anything- anyone could be in there. Was he willing to take the chance? Come on you idiot, you’re just being paranoid. What are you, five? Just walk past it, no big deal. He was brave. He needed those meds, and he has to take the risk. He screwed his eyes shut, walking as fast as he could, ignoring his heart pounding in his chest. When he opened his eyes, he realised the alleyway was behind him. Unimaginable relief filled his chest. Of course there was no one there. He was just scared for nothing.

Suddenly, a pair of footsteps paced behind him. “Hey boys, look what we’ve got here.” His relief was short lived. Very, very short lived. His heart dropped. Four more pairs of footsteps followed. There were more of them. Dean’s first instinct was to run. But his legs felt weak, like he was frozen in place. He was rather agile, but there was a whole group of them. Surely one of them would catch up if he tried to escape. He turned around hesitantly, seeing five males about his age standing there, eyeing him hungrily. “Now what’s a pretty little thing like you doing out this late, hm?” The one in the middle, their leader seemingly, spoke up. Dean wished he could wipe off that disgusting smirk on his face.

“P-Please-” he took a step back, “what do you want? Money? I’ll give it you just leave me alone.” He felt tears well up. No matter how much he tried to reason with them, it was useless. “I think we’ve found our prey tonight.” He said calmly, a dangerous glint in his eye. “Get him.” It all happened so fast. Before he could process it, there were hands all over him, dragging him by the shirt, plunging him into the darkness. No one would find him here, no one would hear his cries for help. Besides, there wouldn’t be anyone else out this late to interfere. This couldn’t be happening. He prayed this was some nightmare and he’d wake up soon. But that wasn’t the case. He was truly helpless.

You sighed, looking up into the pitch black sky. No stars tonight. Pity, you usually liked stargazing in the park at this hour. You usually took long midnight strolls to clear your head. It worked too. An odd sense of peace filled the town’s atmosphere at this hour. Well, the atmosphere lasted until you caught a whiff of the air. A strong scent filled your nose, similar to stench of rain. Your eyes widened when you realised what it was. The smell of an omega in distress. And judging by how prominent it was, the poor thing was in a lot of danger. Most people would’ve turned back and went home, not wanting to get in any trouble. But you couldn’t stand the thought of turning around and acting like nothing happened when someone’s life could be on the line. Doesn’t matter what their status was, they needed help.

You sniffed the air again and you ran to the direction it was coming from. You really hoped you got there in time before something bad happened. Thankfully it wasn’t far, just around the street corner. As you got closer, you realised it was coming from a dark alleyway. Oh. You had a pretty good guess of what was happening right now. You’d heard countless stories of omegas being attacked in places like this. It boiled your blood thinking some alphas could take advantage of others just because of their biological status, something no one could control.

Loud whimpers filled your ears, and in the darkness you could make it a few bodies surrounding a large figure. Your fist clenched. Red filled your vision. It was all a blur. You ran up to one of the guys, knocking him out with one punch. Two others tried to jump on you, but you sent them flying to the wall. You swore you heard a crack at the impact. “G-Guys let’s go.” The group leader figured messing with you wasn’t a good idea. They didn’t hesitate to flee, picking up their unconscious friend along the way.

Now they were out of the way, you had to deal with the figure hunched over on the ground. “Hey-” you reached out a hand, but the person panicked, scambling against the wall. Fear pheromones wafted in the air. You crouched down to their level, slowly inching towards the trembling form. “Shh, I’m not gonna hurt you. Don’t be scared.” Your voice sounded so soft, so genuine, Dean looked up to make eye contact.

Something shifted in you when you gazed into those chocolate orbs. You couldn’t explain the feeling, exactly, only it was intense. And warm. All your senses screamed to you, ‘mate!’ You were stunned. He wished he inflicted more damage on those boys before they left. This was your mate, sitting here in a cold dark alleyway with the living daylights scared out of him. Dean experienced the feeling as well, only afterwards he felt shame. His alpha found him like this, in a pitiful state almost taken by other people. He was weak, easy to use. He whimpered, making your heart clench. Your mate instinct made you want to comfort him, take him into your arms and tell him everything’s alright, that you were here and no one was going to hurt him. But you couldn’t. Not now, at least. The boy had almost been attacked, and now he found his mate. He needed to process the situation.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” You asked gently, hoping the petname would coax him a little. “D-Dean. My name’s Dean.” He sniffled. “I’m (Y/N). Listen, do you want to go back to my place? It’s not too far from here. I won’t try anything, I promise. It’s probably closer than your and I suppose you might need some company tonight.” You looked at him hopefully. “Yes please.” He agreed quietly. You practically saved his life. And you were his mate. He wanted to be near you. “Are you hurt?” You asked worriedly, looking for any injuries. He shook his head no, there were just a couple bruises here and there, nothing too serious. “You’re shivering,” you frowned, wrapping your jacket around him. His eyes widened. He was completely enveloped in your scent. You smelt like cinnamon and honey. It put his mind to ease, calming him immediately.

You took his hand and helped him to his feet, extending an arm to him. He gladly took it, walking close to you. He’d just met you, but you made him feel so safe. You observed his facial features under the moonlight. He was so beautiful. He didn’t look like any other omega you’ve seen before though. He a bit taller than you, admittedly a subtle blow to your ego. But it was cute. The walk home was relatively quiet, understandably so. He was still a little shaken up from what happened, you couldn’t expect to him to act calm.

Your apartment was rather large even though you lived by yourself. You saw Dean looking around the place in awe, which had you biting back a smile at how adorable he was. You thoroughly enjoyed the thought of having him around often. Newly mated couples tended to move in together one or two days after they met because being seperated wasn’t good for their mental state. “Sit down.” You motioned to the coach. He did as told with his hands in his lap, looking up at you shyly through his brown locks. You took your place next to him, wondering where to go from here. “Have you eaten dinner yet?” You asked. He shook his head no. “There’s some soup in the fridge I can heat up for you. You can go shower in the meantime. I’ve got some clothes that might fit. How does that sound?” He nodded. “Thank you.” He said quietly. “No problem.” You smiled back, motioning him to follow you.

The hot water was therapeutic in easing Dean’s tense muscles. An almost disaturous night was slowly turning out for the better. He had a mate- an extremely handsome alpha. The thought made him giddy. Plus you were so, so nice. So far you’d welcomed him to your home and let him borrow your clothes and made him food. You were able to protect him. Nonetheless, he didn’t have time to swoon now, not when dinner had yet to be served. He admired himself in the mirror in the clothes he picked for you. Just a simple black hoodie and sweatpants. They were a little big but he loved them because they were yours.

You had his back turned to him when he entered the kitchen, stirring the pot on the stove. You felt a presence behind you, your eyes landing on the omega. “Food’s almost done.” You said gently. He nodded but stayed put, interested in seeing you cook. “Can I watch you?” Dean asked, fiddling with his sleeve. “Sure thing.” Your next action took him by surprise. He gasped as you lifted him effortlessly and placed him on the countertop, his long legs dangling off the edge.

“So, Dean... How old are you?” You asked, wanting to know more about the boy who’d hardly spoken a full sentence the whole night. “I’m seventeen.” Ah, you’d be just one grade above him. “Oh, I’m eighteen. Do you work anywhere? What do major in?” “I work in a café. My dream job would be to work with animals though. I’m a biology major.” You hummed. The room went silent for a bit. Dean felt like the conversation was all about him and he wasn’t cooperating enough. You’d done so much for him so far and he couldn’t get a word out. He was nervous. Nervous about saying the wrong thing, nervous about rambling. He knew deep down you wouldn’t make fun of him, but his anxiety said otherwise.

“Soup’s ready.” You said, carrying two bowls to the dining table, Dean following suite. The two of you ate in silence, stealing occasional glances at each other. “It’s really good.” Dean said. You smiled warmly. “Glad you like it.” You were genuinely trying your best to make him comfortable and get him to open up. You didn’t want your mate feeling anxious around you.

He helped you with the dishes and before you knew it, it was time for bed. Despite his protests you insisted on taking the couch. As much as you wanted to hold him and cuddle all night, you respected his boundaries. Currently you were seated on the couch since you wanted to discuss something with him. “Dean, do you want to talk about what happened tonight? You don’t have to, but it might make you feel better.” You asked gently, squeezing his hand. Tears welled up in his eyes recounting earlier events. The sheer terror he felt at that moment was indescribable.

“I-I was going to the pharmacy for some medication,” he sniffled, “and those alphas came out of nowhere. I know it my fault for going out that late b-but I really needed those pills and...” If you’d never felt the urge to kill someone, you did now. But you needed to control your anger and comfort your mate. “Sweetie no, this isn’t your fault at all. You shouldn’t have to avoid going out and night just because some bastard alphas can’t keep it in their pants.” He looked up at you, eyes bloodshot with tear tracks running down his cheeks, a sight that made your heart clench. “Can I have a hug alpha?”

“Of course you can.” You brought him to your welcoming arms, Dean burying his face into your chest. You rested your chin on his head, faintly catching the whiff of strawberry shampoo. “Thank you. For everything. For saving me, for letting me stay with you...” His voice came muffled from your shirt. “It’s okay, baby. You’re safe with me now. I’ll protect you.”

━━━━━━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━━━━━━

Panic filled Dean when he woke up in a stranger’s bed, unable to recognise anything in the room. Where was he? How did he get here? The bed sheets smelt awfully familiar. Slowly, everything that happened last night came rushing back to him. It occurred to him that he was lying in your bed. His heart swelled at the thought. However, he would prefer if the space beside him wasn’t empty.

You had just started on breakfast by the time he got to the kitchen. He offered to help out and the two of you chatted pleasantly as the golden rays of morning sun peeked through the curtains. You felt joy knowing he was warming up to you. Despite the short period of time you’d known each other, you felt like you’ve known him your whole life. It wasn’t awkward, there was no hesitation from either ends. It felt right.“(Y/N).” You hummed to signal you were listening, not taking your eyes off the frying pan. “You know how I told you I went out to get medication yesterday? They were heat suppressants.”

You turned to him, jaw dropping in shock. Out of all things to come out of his mouth, that was the last of what you expected. There was no problem of course- just short notice. “Oh. You want me to help you through it?” You wiggled an eyebrow suggestively, liking the way his face flushed at your words. “Is that really all you can think of?” Dean whined. “Well it is important to discuss wether I’ll be around or not. Do you want me to help you through it?” Being around an omega in heat was irresistible for an alpha. Even the faintest smell of slick can them into hormonal overdrive. “Mhm. I trust you.” He said. He wanted to be your first, last and everything in between.

On the third day you marked each other. Marking was a rather intimate action, it was the way of claiming someone as yours. They tended to be on the neck where it was visible to everyone, and you had to take care of them for a few days while it was sore, or else you’d risk infection and a deformed mark. It was Dean’s first time going into public since that night so you could help him move some of his stuff to your place. Let’s just say you weren’t weren’t taking any risks when it came to the safety of your omega. He’d be lying if he said your protectiveness wasn’t a massive turn on.

Day five was when the pre-heat began. The pre-heat period was when an omegas body prepared to go into heat. Excessive clinginess and need for affection weren’t too uncommon either. Dean would crawl into your lap at the most random times, whether you were working on an essay or watching TV. He wore your hoodies around the house, scented everything you owned. Cuddling was a necessity. Sometimes he’d get you to lay on his lap, massaging your scalp and playing with your hair as you nuzzled his stomach. Good morning and goodnight kisses were a must. You two started sleeping in the same bed, but you didn’t always cuddle. On nights where you’d slept a good distance opposite each other you’d find him snug in your arms when you woke up.

However, despite his bodily needs, Dean still respected your personal space and gave you time to yourself though he was constantly aching for your touch. Never overstepping, never being the source of your frustration. You couldn’t begin to fathom how you got lucky enough to be mated with someone as kind and warm-hearted as your babyboy. Fate was good.

https://ko-fi.com/sunehri_c

[bluebellhairpin]

The Perfect Partner

Masquerade AU!Levi Ackerman X Fem!Reader

A/N: It says Fem!Reader, but I’ve tried to use minimal female pronouns anyways, so hopefully them fem-ness isn’t too noticeable. I hope y’all don’t mind too much. - Nemo

Summary: It’s your first masquerade ball, and thanks to the resident Princess, you got to dance with the most mysterious - and reclusive - guest. The problem? Everyone seems to know the weight of what dancing with him means. Everyone except you. 

Listening to: ‘Romantic Flight’ by John Powell

Part Two - ‘The Perfect Plan’ 

Masterlist

Making the move from your small hometown to the city of Paris was tiring enough, but adding having to attend a ball in less than a few days - a masquerade no less - made you feel even more exhausted. 

Your small group of servants were tired too, you could see it on their faces, but they diligently sought out a costume and mask for you to wear - perfectly fitted and covered in silk and lace. You swore them tomorrow off work. They more than deserved it. 

Stepping onto the grounds of the Chateau, you had no choice but to take a moment and admire it. It was like the building itself demanded it. 

There were lit torches, blazing a warm glow across every footpath in the grounds. The main walkways, one of which you'd made your way to stand on, were covered in a soft red fabric. Those two things alone made you feel more important than what you were. 

Your family's rank was born from an act of kindness. Generations ago, your great-great grandfather helped keep safe, and nurse a young man back to health. He did not know who the man was, nor did he care. He believed it was his duty to his fellow man to care for each other. That man he helped believed in paying kindness - no matter what form - forward. Your grandfather saved his life, and to the man that was the highest form of kindness anyone could offer. 

That man was the Prince, next in line for the throne of France, and he made your family what it is today. He was why you are here today. 

Still, over the generations, your family has been close friends with the coexisting Princes or Princesses. For you, you'd been passing letters to and getting them in return from the Princess since she could read. Even though you were a good handful of years older, the friendship between you and Princess Historia Reiss was strong. Even though you'd never met face-to-face in her almost eighteen years on earth, you felt an obligation to her. Like an older sibling would to a younger one. 

Finishing mulling over what had brought you here, and the outside decor, you made your way up the stairs leading to where all the other guests were congregating. 

The ballroom was - by far - the biggest room you'd seen in your whole life. Streams of baby blue fabric bled down from the ceiling, paired with the gold and blue wallpaper and the candelabras, it alone would've been a sight to see. But one other thing in the room demanded attention too. The chandelier was absolutely enormous. It shined with layers upon layers of diamonds and gold. You were almost cautious to walk near it because it's weight was too much for the Chateau's old ceiling.

You gently snatched a champagne glass from a passing waiter, taking a quick sip to lull your pumping heart back into submission. You weren't this nervous before, too distracted by the bright lights and colours to realize exactly what being here meant. 

You were alone, in a room full of people you'd only spoken to through letters, or seen in passing and in portraits. Being with them in person was completely different. It was new. It was scary.

"(y/n)! - Oh, excuse me, I'm so sorry -" A woman called to you, nudging a passerby as she came towards you in a hurry of blue fabric, "- (y/n) is that really you behind that mask!" 

You were a little shocked. Those blue eyes, the pinned back blonde hair. Was this Historia? 

"Uh, yes. I'm (y/n)." You stuttered. She slipped off her mask, grinning widely, and pulled you into a hug.

"Oh, after only writing to you for so long, it's absolutely wonderful to finally have you here!" She pulled away. This was definitely Historia. You laughed.

"How did you know it was me?" 

"I know everyone else here. You're the only one that was invited that I've never actually spoken to before." She said, linking your arm with hers and placing her mask back on. "It was all part of the plan." 

"What plan? -"

"- Oh look, here. You must meet these people!" She pulled you into a group, all of people around her age. You were too old to be being pulled around. "(y/n), these are two of our resident Knights, Mikasa and Eren, and this is my bookkeeper, Armin. Mikasa, Eren, Armin, this is my oldest and closest friend, (y/n)!" 

Mikasa offered you a polite nod, smiling lightly, as did Armin, the latter waving slightly. Eren, however, looked a little confused. 

"I thought Yimr was your closest friend?" he asked, tilting his head. 

You'd heard of Yimr, and how 'close' her and Historia were. You didn't know if these three knew what was really meant, but from the look in Eren's eyes, he at least didn't. 

"Well yes, and no, but that's not the point. The point is - oh my." 

"'Oh' what?" You asked, turning to where Historia had been distracted to this time. There, parting the crowd of guests like Moses at the Red Sea, was a man. He was dressed in all black, with a coat of satin red flowing behind him, and a mask to match. He seemed important. He was handsome. 

But you had no idea who he was. 

He approached Historia, bowing lowly, and most other guests went back to mingling and dancing. 

"Your highness," he said, rising to stand his full height, and even though he wasn't that tall he still posed a great deal of authority. His eyes flicked over to you. "And friend." Then he looked back to the group of wide-eyed teenagers behind Historia. "And other friends." 

"Good evening," Historia said, smiling over at you. "Here, I'll introduce you." she said, turning back and adding the new man into your circle. She tugged on your arm again, bringing you half a step forward. "Here is (y/n), she's been my friend since forever, and (y/n), this is -" At the pause in her stentace the man nodded, offering his hand out to you.

"Care for a dance, (y/n)?" 

Historia almost swung you around and into his arms, so you supposed you had no choice but to take his hand.

───────✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰✧.｡:✱───────

You'd never been to a ball like this before. You'd been to them, sure - ones with village folks, filled with farmers, bakers, and other lower-class nobles. You loved those balls. 

This was so different. The room wasn't stuffy, the music was less buoyant, and the food was much more varied. But this man, this stranger - even though everyone but you seemed to know exactly who he was - he was making it feel a bit more bearable. 

Even if he'd barely spoken, he still made you feel awfully comfortable - a far reach from how others acted towards him.

He introduced himself as Levi, and coming from Germany, he was a very good French speaker. You never would've guessed he wasn’t native if he didn't say. He almost smiled at that. Aside from the occasional small talk, and back and forth questions, he wasn't very conversational. You didn't mind, you were too caught up trying to not trip over. 

"Hey," he said, casting you out of your worried daze and straight into his grey eyes, "Stop fretting. Feel the music, from your toes to the tips of your hair. Let it flow through you, and your body will do the rest.”

That was the most he’d said in one go all evening. So you made sure to listen. To the music. To your body, and to his. You felt how his hand tightened in yours and how he pulled your waist closer to him. You saw how his eyes glossed over yours before fluttering to take in the rest of your obscured face, and how he took in a deep breath right before he took you both around the room. He must’ve been magic, that’s the only reason why he was able to make your dancing together feel like you were floating across the marble floor.

It was nothing short of amazing.

He took your attention for three more dances after the first. By the time you were done, you needed another drink, and you were ever so grateful that you wore a mask - he was close enough that he might have felt the heat from your cheeks that returned everytime he pulled you even closer otherwise. But even though your time together dancing was over, he didn’t just up and leave. He hooked your arm in his - much like Historia did much earlier - and guided you back outside to the gardens. 

You could feel the prying eyes on you as you went with him, but you oddly found yourself really not caring. No one spared you a second glance when you were on your own, or even with the Princess. What was it about Levi that they were so curious about? 

Wordlessly, he reached to where your hand was resting in the crook of his elbow, lacing his fingers with yours. He was being so kind to you, so gentle. Even though he - rather unceremoniously - stole you from Historia and her introductions, you didn’t really mind. 

“How are you friends with the Princess?” he asked, now walking in among an empty waist-high hedge maze, and tilted his head over to face you. “I’ve never seen you before, or heard of you, which is odd. Our family and hers are… Very close.” 

“Odd indeed. She’s never once mentioned you or your family in her letters either.” He barked out a short laugh at your quick response. 

“You really don’t know who I am do you?” He asked, a lace of amazement in his voice.

“Well you don’t know who I am either, so we’re even.” He clicked his tongue, releasing a ‘tch’ noise and shook his head.

“I could tell you were new the moment I first saw you. The look on your face when you entered the ballroom earlier, that’s not the face of someone who’s been here before.” He stopped walking, turning to stand toe-to-toe with you instead. “Who are you?” 

“Lowly, at best. Only a rank higher than a knight.” you answered, smiling, “But I am also happy. Very happy.” Levi then got a very soft look in his eyes. The kind that told you, on the inside, he was melting. 

“That’s all anyone could ever wish for. To reply ‘who are you?’ with ‘I am happy’.” You broke into light giggles, smiling and nodding at him. After you settled, you squeezed his hand, and saw he had a smile on his lips too.

“Now I’ve told you who I am. So who are you?”

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

When Our Hands Next Meet

Series summary: Soulmates are given memories of their past lives when their hands touch. For Virgil and Logan, each memory is happier than the last.

This series was created for @analogicalweek and made in collaboration with the lovely @birdsongisland! Please go look at their beautifully detailed piece they made for this work and support them with reblogs so it can be seen!

Credit to birdsongisland for beta reading this and everything else this past week! One last thank you as this wouldn’t have been as polished without you ^-^

Chapter 7: I Remember

Chapter Summary: In a nostalgic museum of their own creation, Virgil feels as content as he ever has living out lifetime after lifetime with Logan.

Day 5 Prompt: Free Day

Warnings: none. If there are any please let me know!

WC: 1787

AO3 link

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @ace-in-a-shopping-cart @janus-is-an-adorable-snek-boi @logans-library @im-an-anxious-wreck @edupunkn00b

“Which one did you like chickens in?”

Logan poked his head out of the kitchen window while being sure to hold the dish he was drying well away from the sill. “Chickens?”

“You liked chickens in one of our lives for some reason.” Virgil didn’t look up as his tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration- something that never failed to make Logan smile since according to him Virgil did that in every life. Blowing away the dust from the mistake he had sanded away he grabbed up the carving tool and started again, holding the figurine a little too close to his face to technically be safe but he was far past the point of caring. He held his breath as he dragged a smooth line across the dark stained surface. It was perfect. All he needed to do was drag it the other way and-

Groaning in frustration he threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best not to cry over something so stupid. It was a chicken- and a wooden one at that- no more deserving of tears than a child’s block tower being knocked over. But as the slight tremor in his hands continued to betray him as the years went by he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of frustration. There were so many things he wanted to do and create and as their lives went by it became harder and harder to keep up with it all; thankfully he was stubborn enough that it never kept him from trying.

Opening his eyes as a cool breeze swept past him he couldn’t help but smile at the early morning sky, full of the deep purples and blues that they had both favored since their souls first formed. Cool and calm and deep the colors blended together with a soft brilliance he admired every time he reached for the soulbond he and Logan shared. He hardly knew how to describe the way Logan filled his life to the brim with a happiness that made him feel safely rooted to the ground and flung him headlong into the clouds at the same time. A kind of breaking open of the chest while still feeling as if everything was securely nestled in their proper places. He supposed the way the colors swirled endlessly between the stars- brilliant galaxies forming and reshaping in picturesque moments that would be gone in an instant- maybe that came pretty close.

Grinning to himself he carefully gathered up his tools and his current work in progress, nudging the door open with his foot and stepping into the warm comfort of the living room. They had spent an entire lifetime making it their own, as they so often did when they finally found each other again. Often there wasn’t a day wasted when they became whole again to pick up right where they had left off in their previous life, collecting an eternity’s worth of memorabilia that no one could ever hope to understand but them. Setting down his armload on a side table he eased himself into a rocking chair situated by the window, the gentle movements a pleasant stim as he listened to Logan move around in the kitchen. 

He leaned his head back slowly to rest on the back of the chair, staring up at the dark stained bookshelves overflowing with all manor of things they had made or collected in the decades they had been together. The old but thankfully sturdy wood bowed under the weight of books either so old they were bound with leather and cracked at the seams or so new the pages were still visibly crisp from the printing press. There was one in particular bound tightly in soft brown leather with a bright green gem stuck in the center of it that neither of them had ever opened but had found and added to their collection nonetheless. Whatever it was, it fit the aesthetic so neither of them could complain. 

Tilting his head to the side he watched as Logan bustled around the kitchen getting their morning dose of coffee set up, refracted light from various forms of open geodes glittering around him and making his glow in the room. They had become veritable hoarders in this lifetime, though Virgil suspected they always did, collecting everything from crystals that matched their colors perfectly to pond skipping rocks that had felt too perfect in their hands to ever give up to the water. Their vast collection of seashells littered nearly every surface as well with a suncatcher made from them hanging in the large window overlooking their yard. He nearly laughed as he caught sight of it, a wooden flute he had carved hanging with it as well reminiscent of Logan’s hippie phase he had yet to let him live down. He had justified it by saying it was just another thing to remember their time together with, but mostly he just loved the playful eye roll he would get every time Logn caught sight of it.

 Of course the better caving he had made for him was on the shelf behind him, nearly life size wooden ice skates that Virgil had made with as much care poured over them as he could muster. He remembered making and  presenting them to his best friend after one of his competitions- they’re fingers brushing and a thousand and one memories cementing their souls together once again. Since then their house had slowly filled with blocks of wood molded to the memories they gained of an eternity spent together. Several small blocks were shoved in the spaces they could fit, depicting all the constellations Logan had told him about when they would go out in a field or lay on the roof of one of their houses and talk the night away. There were so many animal figurines they could likely make a replica of a zoo- if of course that zoo featured mostly horses, cats and various other farm animals they swapped stories of when a memory struck them. He already knew where he was going to fit the chicken, he just needed his hands to cooperate long enough to get the feathers right.

Looking back down he scowled at the stubborn piece of wood for having the audacity to not simply shape itself the way he envisioned. Chickens, as it turned out, were hard enough to get right in the first place, what with Logan seeing them being plump fluffy things meant to be pet and cuddled. Virgil, on the other hand, saw nothing but mini dinosaurs that had to be smaller just to spite him with their sharp beaks being ankle height. He had seen what the tiny terrors could do with their beaks and talons, beady eyes zeroing in on a target and having little to no regard for what it was, so long as it reacted to being chased and pecked at. But Logan had loved them and still held them in fond regard even if he no longer worked on a farm, so Virgil had wanted to solidify the past life with his tools just as he did all the others. He’dthank his hands for not allowing him to finish it if he wasn’t so sure it would make Logan’s face brighten with the smile Virgil lived and breathed to see.

His chin was taken gently and tilted so that he was looking at his husband, that smile Virgil had fallen for time and time again gracing his lips as he ironically tucked a sprig of forget-me-nots behind his ear. Their house was full of them, dried and paired with lavender and tucked into nearly every feasible space they could. The dusty scent of their favorite flowers mixed with the wide variety of candles strewn about on spare surfaces, a collection of scents they had discovered reminded them of different places and times spent together. A gentle flick at his bottom lip returned him to the present, the smile now a smirk as Logan tapped his nose.

“I cannot fathom why you are attempting to carve a chicken if you despise them enough to nearly combust a replica with a glare.”

“You like chickens and I like you. So you’re getting a chicken.” Virgil rolled his eyes at the teasing, clenching his hands into fists in his lap. “I just need my useless hands to cooperate with me or I would have had it done ages ago. I can never keep up with everything I’ve done in the past.”

Virgil huffed and smiled ruefully up at the other who looked to be considering something. Before he could ask him for his thoughts however he was pulled carefully to his feet, his rough hands held tightly in dry slender fingers. Rubbing his thumbs over the back of them Logan brought one of his hands to his lips to place a gentle kiss to his knuckles, doing the same to the other even as Virgil blushed profusely and was pulled into a soft embrace. 

“I love and appreciate your talents and passion, making our memories real to remind us of the happiness we shared in the past.” Logan’s breath tickled his ear as he rested his chin on his shoulder, Virgil burying his face in the crook of his neck to hide his ever deepening blush. “I love your hands as they are, whether you find them useful or not. They’re there for me to hold and kiss and that’s use enough for me.”

“Logan-”

“You’ve made so many things that we’ve loved unconditionally throughout our lives. But it was never about our past or future, it’s just us.” Logan moved away to place his hands on his cheeks instead, steady gaze radiating warmth and comfort. “I love you. I always have and I always will- and I certainly don’t need you carving a quote ‘diet dinosaur’ to know that you feel the same.”

Virgil snorted and leaned forward to rest his forehead on Logan’s, simply taking in the quiet as they stood in each other’s embrace. To love and be loved by someone across multiple lifetimes was something he cherished above everything else, the lines of fate tracing forwards and backwards to weave them together again and again. He realized as he stood there, surrounded by a nostalgic museum meant only for them and lit with the soft glow of the early morning sun warming them further, that there truly was no one else for him. He leaned against soulmate and smiled, thinking through everything that had happened in the past and everything that would happen in the future, he had Logan.

And that was enough.

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