#ask la squadra

[tenthgrove]

prosci 🗿 I found pictures of you on a train. Why was you just letting your soggy old man buns hang loose in public 🗿

Pesci: “Please stop crying Fra… your hair is wonderful I promise!”

[dark-side-of-passion]

Reader being held by the face by a really pissed/horny prosciutto? He doesn't like the reader being bratty, and she is about to know that~

OMGGG THANKS FOR BEING MY FIRST REQUEST HERE, DEAR ANON.

I hope you like it ;)

[ask-la-squadra]

Hey everyone,

Taking inspiration from one of my favourite blogs @ask-team-bucciarati I am starting this page.

Ran by @pannac0ttafug0

Disclaimers:

- There is a lot less canon info for La Squadra's members so this is going to be very headcanon based, if people submit scenarios or ideas that I like I will use those too

- I am a very busy person so I will try to be as frequent as possible however I attend university and work and try to maintain a steady social life so please forgive me in advance, I will try to answer every possible ask but forgive me if some of them take a while

- I am basing this on them all being alive and only 'defeated' in the canon rather than killed, after Giorno assumes position as Don, they are rehired as a hitman team, also Gelato and Sorbet are still alive

Anyway I will probably add to this as time goes on, my limits are anything heavily NSFW as I'd like this blog to be accessible for minors too and I'd feel uncomfortable posting that kind of thing on here, if you're unsure of that limit, submit anyway, and if your ask isn't posted you know why :) (Thirsting and jokes are allowed just nothing too explicit)

Swearing will be censored but this is a mafia crew of adults its going to be there

Anything that is in the original media (mention of sex, condoms, swearing, drugs etc) is allowed however if it gets too explicit I wont answer since I don't want to make it more NSFW than the original. For example, drugs are mentioned but mostly in a bad way and therefore I will not be posting about drugs in a positive light (besides cigs, alcohol, and weed). I hope this makes sense.

[dumb-teambucciarati-headcanons]

Got any headcanons about team Bucciarati and their relationships/thoughts on the members of La Squadra? :eyes:

Yes!!! I love this ask! This is gonna take place in my everyone lives au, that most of my headcanons take place in. SPOILER WARNING btw

this one is kind of long.

-firstly, Trish hates them all and for good reason.

-secondly, Bruno has an issue with their morals when it comes to selling drugs. Because drugs are like, his least favorite thing. They call him no drugs Bruno.

-Thirdly, they all adore Sorbet and Gelato!

FORMAGGIO:

- Giorno gets along with formaggio alright, he thinks he is a piece of shit though. But he finds his shrinking stand to be very interesting and they have combined their powers together before to make a tiny jungle.

-Narancia and Mista are best buddies with Formaggio, and they cause chaos all the time. Narancia and Formaggio have a little rivalry going on though because of their fight, but they’re pals because they are all dumbasses.

-Fugo hates him because when Fugo gets upset about something, Formaggio will activate his stand to make him small so his yelling is higher pitched.

-Abbacchio doesn’t like when Formaggio is around because he makes the loud ones even louder. He has a special pair of noose cancelling headphones for when he visits.

-Bruno doesn’t really talk to or like Formaggio.

ILLUSO:

-Giorno respects him for the fight they had and the determination he showed. Hates his guts though.

-Illuso can’t forgive Giorno, Fugo, or Abbacchio for causing him to go through so much pain. He doesn’t know if he blames Giorno or Fugo more for getting infected so bad with Purple haze. Those three don’t really like Illuso that much, Giorno is the only one that at least respects him out of the trio.

-Bruno thinks his stand is neat because he likes other dimension stands.

-Trish thinks his hair is ugly.

PESCI and PROSCIUTTO:

-Prosciutto likes Narancia because he reminds him a little bit of a braver Pesci. Pesci doesn’t like Narancia because he is jealous of him/thinks his big bro likes him more (which isn’t true). Narancia won’t forget how prosciutto made him look like a rotten grape.

-Mista likes Prosciutto because he shot him three times in the head, if it had been four times his ghost would hate him. He thinks Pesci looks like a pineapple.

-Abbacchio thinks Prosciutto is wonderful because he was the cause of “the best nap of his life” when he was in the turtle on the train. Like sure it almost cost him his life, but to be able to sleep like that again.

-Bruno doesn’t think Pesci is anything like Narancia, but can see where prosciutto is coming from. Bruno didn’t like Pesci at first, and is often irritated with him. But he does have a soft spot for him now.

MELONE:

-I think they all hate Melone to be honest.

GHIACCO: (or however you spell his name)

-Fugo and him talk about their anger issues and pet peeves, and Fugo gives him advice about how to control your anger better. They surprisingly get along alright, but if they are both upset at each other it is bad.

-Mista likes to irritate him. Narancia irritates him, but not on purpose.

-He and Giorno and Fugo went ice skating one time, he made the ice rink. It was summer. People were confused.

RISOTTO:

-Abbacchio doesn’t like him, there can be only one best dressed goth in town.

-Bruno respects him and likes how he cares about his team. Risotto likes Bruno, but what is up with that haircut? When his team complains to him about something he will say “well at least you aren’t working for a guy with an ugly haircut like bucciarati” and someone from his team responds with “yeah, but we get the ugly hat …”.

-Risotto likes Narancia because of how he “let him” use his stand that one time. Narancia thinks Risotto has a better outfit than Abbacchio, but he won’t say it.

[ask-sorlato]

Hello People!!

Been thinking about starting one of these for awhile and I finally found the courage so I'm starting an ask blog/fresh blog all together! Been wanting to for ages and I've also been inspired from my other favourite jjba ask blogs out here so I decided to join!

Anyways, without further ado, here are some rules and possible notes about this blog

As there isn't much canon of Sorbet and Gelato in the show like at all, this will be primarily headcanon based (I'll list some at the bottom)

I will accept some nsfw/spicy given that they are not too extreme (they are gay Italians, some spiciness is to be expected after all)

If I don't answer an ask straight away or at all, it's because I'm either busy with college stuff, burnt out, or the less likely option is that I may be uncomfortable with the ask (rule above this one)

No hate, otherwise Sorbet will set Gelato on you

Be nice pleaseee

Extra note before the Headcanons is that this will be set post-events of golden wind in an au where the La Squadra live and so do Sorbet and Gelato (I will further elaborate in the Headcanons)

And here are my Headcanons for them!

Sorbet is 33 and Gelato is 32

Sorbet can cook and Gelato is banished from the kitchen unless under TIGHT supervision

Gelato used to be in the army

Sorbet is really good with guns

Gelato is really good with knives

They are married (ofc)

Instead of dying, they managed to escape Cioccolata and Secco after having been captured on a complete whim, though not completely unscathed (they were both traumatised+left with a few scars)

Gelato is an unhinged, feral little-

Sorbet is the rational half of their dynamic

After Don Giorno defeated the boss and took over, they settled down (still kept in contact with La Squadra though, they are familia after all)

Speaking of which, they treat them all like their children with a few exceptions (I.e. Risotto, Prosciutto)

Sorbet is 6'0" and Gelato is 5'8"

These Headcanons will be updated with time. Anyways, hope you all enjoy! (:

(mod- @bustingitdownautismstyle)

[squadrah]

So you had two asks about La Squadra being toddlers, but what about them being old/older men? Maybe in their 40-50's or as senile old people. And my mind ain't exactly wondering there, but what do you think they'd be like as dilfs?

I managed to find an old post where I was asked what they would be like as old man: here it is! You also reminded me that I had once written about them as parents in general, and I could have sworn I published it, but I ended up finding it at last in my drafts, so I'll make sure to queue it after publishing this ask!

That just leaves the question at the end, ehe... I will try to do these from the perspective of a young adult, probably a friend of their child(ren), while they themselves are in their forties and fifties.

Risotto: His sheer size and deep voice are already enough to set the butterflies aflutter, so the way he wears sleeveless shirts and dirty overalls at home is almost too much. He is best observed in the garage where he enjoys quietly working with power tools, and nobody can look at his work table without imagining him sweeping off the clutter to make room for them instead...

Formaggio: He ages so gracefully he looks like he could still be in his thirties, but the way he cracks open a cold one while giving clever responses and showing at least basic knowledge of just about any topic introduced hints at decades of experience in a variety of areas. Whenever he playfully manhandles his spouse in the kitchen, guests cannot help but chug their own cold beverages in vain.

Prosciutto: Never seen without his signature dress shirts and crisp trousers, and when he's around, the temperature always drops enough that all unnecessarily noise and frolic dies down. Most agree they would not want to live with him as their father, the bar is just too high in that respect, but nobody would mind him in a hotel chair with a bourbon in his hand and ordering them to get to work...

Pesci: At first he seems nothing special, especially because he's not much respected by his children, but as soon as he easily lifts something that he ought to struggle with at his size, and tells you how much he think it weighs by touch, the magic begins, and those who have gone on fishing trips with him on the weekend and watched him reel in that big bass are now smitten for life.

Ghiaccio: Whenever you meet him, he's either preparing to go for a run or has just returned from it all sweaty and glistening, and no real decrease of stamina to show for it. Going to the gym with him is a rite of passage; he will explain every machine and challenge you to various feats of endurance. Spotting is obligatory, and many hit the showers afterwards in greater frustration than they began.

Melone: That one anon ask of "your dad looks gnc af" sums him up perfectly, he is so impeccably and unabashedly A Look and An Icon that all his various issues are easily buried in a tidal wave of gender envy and lust. His children are so confident and well-educated when it comes to sex that their friends can only imagine what a wealth of experience could be gained from the fountain head.

Illuso: He always lets his luscious long hair down at home, physically and metaphorically, and exudes such minor soap opera antagonist vibes that his heckling his children and spouse come off as almost entertaining, a good example of how much people forgive to a pretty face and a nice tall figure. He's not above teasing his guests either, and you will either hate him for it or want to kiss him.

Sorbet: He's not conventionally attractive and seems to love his plants more than his children, but he has a certain Addams Family aesthetic about him that carries his dry wit and odd ways perfectly, especially when he's trimming his bonsai or is outside gardening in the shade in special gloves and up to his neck in dirt. You are welcome to indulge his obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: That one extremely friendly dad that claps you on the shoulder and shoves a drink into your hand as soon as (and even before) you hit drinking age, and is always two seconds away from hugging you and kissing you on both cheeks in a fit of camaraderie and general mirth. Watching him grill sausages and cook in a big outdoor cauldron permanently changes your brain chemistry.

[dolce-tenebra-toscana]

BUONGIORNO/BUONA SERA.

Ho una richiesta ma questa è serie (non come tu sai quale HAAHAHAH)

Chi tra la squadra preferisce il cioccolato al latte, cioccolato fondente, cioccolato bianco, cioccolato extrafondente etc?

Amoooo, nel mentre che faccio pulizia nell'askbox ti rispondo 💜💜👀👀

( tvb and to all you lovelies i now accept anonymous asks )

La Squadra's fave chocolate type 🍫🍫

Risotto ✂️: extra dark chocolate, and as our beloved capo would say " Amaro come la vita " ( as bitter as life )

Prosciutto 🍖 : cioccolato di modica; as a proud sicilian he can't but be fond of the traditional chocolate they make in Modica! A decadent delicacy...just like him~

Formaggio 🧀: milk chocolate; this man has the taste buds of a child when it comes to sweets, so give him some ovetti kinder and he is happy lol 🤣

Illuso 🔎: cioccolato gianduia; not really into chocolate but if it's balanced with the toasty aroma of hazelnuts. His palate is as picky as him, and will bully you for your own preferences ( sto str*nzo )

Melone 🍈: chilli chocolate; more than the taste he likes the sensation it leaves on it's tongue ( lil weirdo) and of course he uses this type of chocolate to seduce his next target, watch out ladies cause purple boy here likes it spicy~

Ghiaccio 🧊: doesn't like chocolate; sorry but our favourite vicentino is very picky and selective so chocolate doesn't even have a spot in his top 20 foods 😅 he will give it to you if he happen to have some, just cause then you'll have to return the favor

Pesci 🐟: white chocolate; pesci could literally eat sugar straight out of the jar and still say is too bitter 😅 but because of this he is the only one that enjoy the marvelous, delicious, amazing white chocolate like the literate fella he is 😌

( whoever says the contrary, LIARS )

[berylcups]

PLEASEE do cuckhold la squadra

ITS A VISON NO ONE ELSE IS SEEING.

Hey there! Sorry it took so long! There were so many possibilities I could do for this one so I’m going to try more in the future! 🤩

Get Cucked! Illuso/Formaggio x Reader

CW: Cucking, cheating(does it count if it’s just fantasy?), drinking, petnames(lots of em), masturbation, oral,

Notes: technically the GameCube doesn’t come out in the EU until everyone is DEAD in 2002 but we are going to ignore that little detail 🥲 also it doesn’t seem as descriptive as I want it to be, I’m going through a writers block but this is helping me come out of it so thank you for asking for this! 💜 Beryl

MINORS DNI

It was another night of hanging around the base. When a few or more people aren’t out on missions they tend to hangout at the base and get drunk, watch football, gamble, and just chill out.

Y/N was splayed out on the sofa playing on their game boy. They were playing tetris and they were pretty tipsy from drinking nearly a whole bottle of Chianti by themselves so they weren’t doing as well as they usually do in their game.

“Fuck… lost again? This game sucks.” They groaned.

Illuso and Formaggio were drinking together like usual. Despite all the teasing they were good friends but they just had a strong rivalry and wanted to outdo each other in every little thing. Illuso looked over at Y/N and snickered at their frustration at their game.

“Aww poor baby is too drunk to play their game huh?” Formaggio called out to Y/N.

“Fuck off man…I’m not drunk. Dis’ game is just bullshit.” They slurred, giving him the finger . “ Dammit I lost again!”

He laughed at their response. “C’mon now sugar, I’m just teasing.”

He lowered his voice so only illuso could hear.

“Y’know you're really lucky to have Y/N as your partner. You should let me have a chance with them once in a while.” He whispered.

“Me sharing my Y/N? No way man. That’s just cucking and I’m no cuck.” Illuso laughed.

“Friends share but fine-be a greedy dick.” Formaggio huffed. “Well you can’t blame me for asking. You hit the jackpot with them.”

“Why thank you. I’m very aware of that.” Illuso said smugly. “ Y/N maybe a cold and reserved AFAB but they know quality when they see it.” He said, flipping his hair.

“Yeah yeah- if you’re going to jerk your ego off go do that in private.” Formaggio said annoyed.

Iluso gets up and walks over to Y/N who’s now half asleep. “Hey- scoot over so I can sit down.”

“Nuh uh. How about you come sit in Zaddys lap” they smirked while patting their lap.

“ no— because I’ll end up crushing you.” He snickered at their drunken attempt at flirting.

They tried to get up for him and immediately got a head rush. “Woah… dizzy.” They mumbled.

“Yeah you had enough for one night. Let’s get you to bed.” Illuso picked Y/N. “Well I guess that’s it for tonight. See you assholes later” he said as he took Y/N upstairs to his room and placed them into bed. They snuggled up to illuso as he draped the duvet over them and he tried to fall asleep but…he just couldn’t. His mind kept going back to what Formaggio said—to let him have a night with his Y/N.

Getting with Y/N was tricky. When they first joined the hitman team they were very reserved and quiet…so much that he was ordered to spy on them to make sure they weren’t doing anything against them for the boss. But somehow by some miracle he was able to win their heart. They’re very domestic and loving… and when working they are sadistic and cruel. They were the perfect partner and coworker. He won’t admit it but he’s very lucky to have Y/N and can’t imagine life without them! But… something feels missing. But what could that be? He has everything he wants right? That’s what he thought until his damn friend Formaggio got inside his head about fucking Y/N!

When he really thinks hard about it…He really wants to see them let guard down and be slutty for once. Not just a slut but a whore. The thought of Y/N being uncharacteristically promiscuous and cheating on him is somehow making him hard. That’s a secret that he’s going to take to his grave. He doesn’t want to be known as “ Illuso the Cuck”. But the thought of Y/N being unfaithful just makes him blush.

He’s never going to act on these fantasies but how realistic could it be to get Y/N in on this kink? He knows they’re extremely selective with who they allow into their pants. With Y/N being reserved it does make things a little more complicated. Formaggio would be the perfect guy for them to cheat on him with. The three of them work together the most and Y/N has stated they feel the safest with the 2 men. And… they get along very well—always joking and talking about morbid topics. As curious as he is to let it play out, He’s just going to have to keep it a fantasy.

His pride is far too strong to allow another set of balls near his precious Y/N. They’re his! He found them first! He’d never let him fuck them! That’s his partner! They are a power couple! Nobody is gonna waltz in and take Y/N away from him!

He looked over at Y/N who’s now fast asleep. They have an innocent look to them when they snuggle up with him sleeping. He wanted to sleep but he couldn’t ignore the erection he had straining in his boxers. He pulled his stiff cock out and closed his eyes focusing on his fantasy as he jerked off hoping he didn’t wake Y/N up …

—————————————————————————

“C’mon sweet thing. Don’t tell me you don’t want this” Formaggio purred, gently holding Y/Ns chin up to make eye contact with him.

“ I do like you Formaggio but… I’m with illuso. I can’t just betray him like that.” Y/N said hesitantly.

“ don’t worry about it! If anything happens I’ll make sure I get in trouble and not you.” He reassured them.

“I mean, how can anyone be mad at this cute face? Just one little kiss? Pretty please?” He cooed.

He was really putting the charm on. If all he wanted was just one kiss would it really be that bad?

“ I don’t know…” they hesitated. They were starting to break down their barrier just a bit. “ as long as it’s just one kiss then okay.”

He tilted their face back up towards him and leaned in and kissed them deeply. He nibbled gently on their bottom lip and sucked on it, tempting them to let him in. They were reluctant at first but they were starting to feel fuzzy with lust and opened their lips enough to let him slip his tongue in.

He pulled them closer as they finally reciprocated and let their tongue fight his for dominance. He chuckled into the kiss and grabbed their ass.

“!!” They gasped as he groped them and pulled away for a second. “ wait wait wait- this is getting out of hand” they stuttered.

“Aww come on sweetie~ you need to loosen up a little. I bet I could treat you better than he ever could.” He caresses their face. “I mean- who is so secretive about their relationship? The entire team didn’t know you two were together for 3 whole months! Who the hell would ever keep you a secret? I’d be showin’ you off left and right! I definitely wouldn’t be afraid of showing you some love in front of everyone! He’s not doing good enough for you honey~ let me show you what real love looks like. How about it?” He sweet talked them.

They thought hard… “well…it would be nice if Illuso showed me off more… Maybe hes ashamed of me? I just thought it was because he didn’t like PDA.” They said, voice wavering. “Maybe I don’t put out enough? I’m just so self conscious because I worry about my appearance and my personality since I’m so shy…” they started tearing up.

“No baby of course not. Don’t think that way. You’re perfect just the way you are.” He cooed while kissing away the tears running down Y/Ns cheeks. “He just has a bad habit of not appreciating the things he has. He's spoiled. It has nothing to do with you, no more tears bella.” He hugged them tightly.

They said nothing but nuzzled into the hug. “You’re really good at hugs.” Y/N said, laying their head on his shoulder.

“Hmm is that so? Who’s better- me or Illuso?” He asked with a hint of playfulness.

“Oh I don’t know… don’t make me answer that!” He nuzzled his face into their neck and gently placed a few butterfly kisses on them in response. “You realllllly don’t know? Are you sure?” He teased.

“Okay okay. It’s you. You’re better at hugs.” They giggled. “But don’t tell anybody!”

“I keep it as our little secret.” He said with a wink. “Speaking of secrets…how about I show you a good time? I bet I can satisfy you better than he can~” he purred.

Y/N finally caved in to Formaggios charms. “Ok but we take this secret to our graves. Nobody can ever find out about this.” They said sternly.

“Of course bella. You won’t hear a word out of me once this is all said and done!”

He gently pushed them onto his bed and pulled their pants off.

“You have the cutest panties you know. I bet you’d rock some crotchless ones~” he flirted, hooking a finger under the waistband and pulling them off.

Y/N covered their face out of shyness. “Crotchless?! That’s lewd!” They whined.

“Being lewd would be a good look on you~. We just gotta get you in the mood. I’m gonna turn you into a little whore” he spread their legs and gave their cunt an experimental lick to see their reaction.

“Ah~” they softly moaned and shuddered.

“So cute~. But I know you can get louder than that!” He grabbed their hips and pulled them closer to his face so he can eat them out. He licked them roughly focusing on fucking them with his mouth.

“Ah~! Maggi!” They mewled at the sudden intrusion.

“That’s right sweetheart! Let everyone know who’s making you feel this good!” He encouraged them. He fucked them with his tongue and gently rubbed on their clit to make sure that no part of them was neglected.

They kept crying his name over and over. He wanted to fuck Y/N right then and there but he was there to please them. He kept himself sane by grinding his hardness into the edge of the bed.

“Tell me angel, who’s better at eating your pretty pussy? Me or illuso? Be honest or I’ll stop~” he teased.

“Uh… I don’t know… don’t make me answer!” They whined.

“Wrong answer!” He stopped licking and gave a wicked smile. “I’ll give you one more chance. Who’s better at eating you out? Me or him? Be honest now!”

“Wait don’t stop! Please!” They cried.

“Baby all you gotta do is tell me and I’ll do whatever you want! I promise” he said squeezing on their inner thighs.

“Okay! It’s you! You Formaggio! You’re better than Illuso! Happy?!” They cried in frustration.

“Verrrry happy!” He teased. He spread their bottom lips and slipped a finger inside. “I bet you want more than one finger right?”

“Mmm…yeah. More fingers please.” Y/N softly moaned at the intrusion.

“Well…only because you said please.” He teased as he slipped a 2nd finger in and curled them to brush up against that sensitive spot. He nearly pulled out their drooling cunt and back against the spot again to a slow brutal rhythm. He flicked his tongue over their clit and gave a harsh suck to the small bundle of nerves.

“Augh… maggi~” they whined. “Don’t stop~” they spread their legs further, and grinding their cunt on his face.

He fingered at a faster pace and lapped at their clit. He made a lewd slurping sound as he sucked on their clit and the fingering made wet squelching noises.

“Oh fuck Maggi~! You’re gonna make me cum!” Y/N held his head down in their crotch.

“Mmmph~” he moaned into their cunt and fingered as fast as he could as his way of encouraging Y/N to cum.

“Maggio~!” They cried as they came. They nearly crushed his head between their thighs as they rode out their orgasm. They went limp and panted hard looking down at him in a lust induced haze.

“Wow… that’s the best orgasm I ever had.”they panted, trying to catch their breath.

“Glad to hear it honey. But I haven’t even gotten started yet.” He purred. “I’m gonna make sure you cum on my cock too. Now be a doll and get on all fours for me won’t you?” He said rubbing your thighs.

Y/N obeyed and rolled over on to their hands and knees.

They could hear him unzipping his pants and pulling them off. He gives their ass a firm smack and he snickers.

“Did I ever mention that you have a cute little ass? Well ok sweetheart I’m gonna start now.”he says as he lines his cock up with their entrance.

They were well lubricated enough so he was able to squeeze his way in without much sting.

“Shit angel… you’re tight as hell. Illuso better be treating you like royalty over this cunt!” He groaned.

Y/N moaned from the sudden intrusion. They could feel that he pleasantly stretched them out. He nearly pulled out and then thrusted back in. He did this at a slow but forceful pace.

“Tell me who this ass belongs to now?” He slapped their ass as he buried his cock deeper into their wet cunt.

“It’s yours! My ass belongs to you Formaggio!” They cried.

“That’s right~ this is my ass now!” He grunted as he picked up the pace.

They arch their back and mewled and he brutalized their sopping cunt. They were moaning his name over and over like a broken record.

“Who do you belong to?”he grabbed their hips hard as he bounced them on his cock in time with his thrusts.

“You ~! I belong to you Maggi! Nobody else!” They howled with tears streaming down their face from the intense pleasure.

“That’s right! You belong to me!” He thrusted hard enough to where the tip was kissing their cervix.

“I’m gonna take you away from him and show you how a true man treats their partner!” He groaned.

He kept talking about all the promises of the future and what he's going to do for Y/N. Meanwhile his thrusts were starting to become ragged and out of sync. He reached around and started to run circles into their clit.

“Oh Y/N your pussy is so good it’s gonna make me cum!” He panted.

They felt their orgasm coming on quick with their clit being rubbed and their g spot being brushed up on in tandem.

“I’m gonna cum too ~!” They cried.

He rubbed faster and thrusted until he released inside of them.

The sudden warmth from his release finally tipped them over the edge and they cried as they came hard.

“Maggi~ I’m cumming!” The mewled and their cunt spasmed around his cock.

—————————————————————————

Illuso looked down at his hand which was now covered in his own cum.

“I can’t believe I came to that …” he thought as he reached over for a tissue on the nightstand.

“ Am I really into that?” He mumbled as he cleaned his hand off with the tissue.

“Into what..? What are you talking about?” Y/N yawned.

Y/N woke up? Shit… Illuso hoped they were still drunk and wouldn't remember anything.

“Nothing-don’t worry about it.” He said trying to play it cool.

They squinted to see in the dark and saw that he was holding a used tissue. “ You know if you get horny you can always come to me right? I don’t care if you fuck me if I’m sleeping as long as you don’t cum inside.”

“Yeah I’m sorry. It’s just you’ve been drinking and I didn’t want to wake you.” He said trying to cover the reason why he was masturbating.

The impulsive thoughts were coming back… he wasn’t going to let it happen but he wanted to see for research.

“Hey Y/N…”

“Yeah Lulu?”

“What would it take for you to fuck one of the other members here?” He asked.

“Eugh. Why would you wanna know that?” They asked with a disgusted tone.

“Not really do it! I mean for shits and giggles !” He clarified.

Y/N thought about it… well they were both drunk so likely none of them would remember what Y/N said so why not answer?

“A GameCube.” They said bluntly.

“That new game system???” He asked dumbfounded.

“Yeah. Get me a GameCube and I’ll do whatever freaky shit you want me to. There’s this cute game called “Animal Crossing” that I’m really curious about and it looks like it would be fun . So I’d whore myself out for something like that.” They said deadpan.

Illuso stares at them for a second and then starts laughing. “This is why I love you! You never hesitate to answer my fucked up questions!”

Now Illuso has something in the back of his mind to think about…but he cares more about his pride than anything so maybe he’ll just get them a GameCube just as a gift.

[tenthgrove]

Can I bonk La Squadra? Like, use a squeaky toy hammer to bonk their heads?

-🥲

Risotto: “Well, I should be immune, you cannot reach my height.”

*Ghiaccio and Gelato, resident short kings, look around nervously*

[icerisotto]

Hi do you think you could write about la squadra and a new teammate who’s quiet and reserved majority of the time but one day they catch them laughing their asses off at one of formaggios really bad stupid jokes?

‹ honestly, i've imagined two scenarios this request: la squadra under diavolo's reign and la squadra under giorno's reign.

‹ it may look inaccurate regarding the gw timeline, but i'm using my headcanon timeline (which can be seen here) in which sorbet and gelato actually died in mid-2000.

‹ with that being said, double scenario!

⌦ warnings: gender-neutral character, mentions of death, mentions of depression, referenced violence, non-canon information, canon events.

➢ scenario one (diavolo).

☆ sorbet and gelato's death impacted the group in every single way it could. it blew their confidence, ruined their already-strained relationship with the boss, and brought shame to their name.

★ as a way to make sure they weren't trying to plot against him again, diavolo assigned a newbie to the team to halt any attempt of betrayal weeks later. a young, reserved and quiet person, enough to unnerve any traitor.

☆ it worked, as la squadra felt too uncomfortable around the newbie to make any other move. some of them even theorized that the newbie was sent to supervise them. naturally, their discomfort turned into hatred very quickly.

★ prosciutto deliberately hated the newbie because of their mysterious personality, even though he tried to keep his cool to preserve his image as the second-in-command. he'd never talk to them aside from missions, and would constantly use training or punishments to take his anger and frustrations on the newcomer.

☆ ghiaccio also openly hated the newbie and believed them to be a spy of the boss. he wasn't afraid of beating the shit out of the newbie if they ever cross his path or boundaries (something extremely easy to do, considering his mood swings). as a fellow, ghiaccio hardly acknowledged the presence of the stranger.

★ pesci is a gentle guy but loyal to his brother. when he realized prosciutto despised the newbie, he automatically avoided being seen talking to them. it didn't mean he was rude or cold like the others: he was willing to welcome the newbie instead of distrusting them over something they had no say in, giving them knitted gifts and food behind the others' backs.

☆ illuso knew how it felt to be hated by his teammates, especially because of his rough start in la squadra. he still decided to ignore the newbie's presence, much like ghiaccio but without the violence part. he simply distrusted them and refused to be friends with them, sometimes walking out of the room or into the mirror world whenever the newbie showed up.

★ risotto welcomed the newbie normally but lacked warmth due to his friends' deaths. he couldn't embrace the newbie as a true part of the team and only stepped up for them in extreme cases. in general, the capo kept his distance from the newbie and barely talked to them outside their working hours.

☆ formaggio was the closest friend of sorbet and gelato, almost a third party of their couple. he was miserable once the lovers died to the point he almost died of depression. a newbie wasn't what he wanted, not in the slightest. at first, he was hesitant and even resented the newcomer, but he soon overcame his grief and returned to his normal self. he's the only one to treat the newbie like a friend.

★ melone was neutral. while he also was very close to sorbet and gelato, he knew it'd be stupid to lash out at someone who was a mere pawn of diavolo's wicked plans. he was skilled enough to detect any malice in someone, so his suspicions died down after a few months. of course, he still kept his distance just for the sake of his friends' feelings.

☆ la squadra started changing their minds after a year went by without any incident. the newbie proved to be a strong-minded person, not giving up or cracking even though they went through many incidents and violent outbursts caused by the team.

★ some of them regretted their behaviors, some didn't. however, they all agreed the newbie wasn't trying to betray the team nor represented any risks, thus being worthy of their trust and decent treatment.

☆ the newbie was always accompanied by formaggio ever since their arrival as he was the only welcoming member of the team. they were extreme opposites: while the newbie barely talked, formaggio kept the mood bright.

★ during a celebration among passione members, everyone gathered at the bar as formaggio told them one of his silly, overused jokes. at that point, 2/3 of the team was drunk.

☆ formaggio's joke was interrupted by a cackle. everyone was surprised to hear the newbie's laughter for the first time, as they always looked neutral 24/7. some of them could recall hearing a similar sound at midnight when walking down the hallways, but who could think the newbie was responsible for that?

★ formaggio bragged about making the newbie show their soft side, happy to be the one to achieve this. pesci and melone laughed, illuso sneered, while prosciutto and ghiaccio were visibly surprised (although they pretended to not care). risotto remained stoic with a hint of a smile, secretly enjoying seeing his friends bonding.

☆ it still took them a lot of time to accept the newbie completely, but they were embraced after a long period. even though la squadra still felt hesitant around the newcomer, the display of humanity eased their minds. finally, they were ready to move on and let go of their grudges.

➢ scenario two (giorno).

☆ la squadra was livid once diavolo died. having a teenager controlling the mafia was concerning at first, but giorno's management deeply pleased them. they got raises and territories, all they ever asked for.

★ however, after cutting their main income (drugs), passione struggled to keep their balance. as a new alternative, giorno split the drug division and sent their members to other teams. that's how la squadra gets a newbie after so long.

☆ at first, prosciutto didn't appreciate the new member. he was stressed enough with five idiots under his belt, so another one was hell. however, he felt less grumpy once he came to realize the newbie was reserved and silent, something he appreciated. generally, he made small talk always related to work.

★ ghiaccio hated the idea since the beginning and vocalized his dissatisfaction very often. again, he'd throw hands if he ever felt disrespected or cornered. he still kept his distance once he realized the newbie was nothing like the others. they looked annoying in his eyes.

☆ pesci felt excited by the arrival of a new friend, that is until they met. serious people scared him, so he started avoiding the newbie much like he did with risotto, illuso, and ghiaccio in the past. prosciutto and risotto's serious face was enough for him, he didn't need anyone else scaring him (even if not on purpose). it took him a while to get used to their personality.

★ illuso didn't care much. he felt a little pissed about the disruption of their team dynamic at first but quickly overcame it once the newbie proved to be a decent asset instead of a crybaby or loser. in general, he didn't initiate any dialogue and felt relieved the newbie was reserved.

☆ risotto was secretly happy about the newbie's personality. from the hardheaded (illuso and prosciutto) to the silly (formaggio), weird (melone), coward (pesci), and violent (ghiaccio) members, every entry on the team was probation to the capo. he almost knelt and thanked god once he met the newbie, appreciating their reserved behavior. in general, the capo treated them like he'd treat the others.

★ once formaggio met the newbie, his new goal was to make them crack. he wanted to be friends with them and share nice moments. it became a full goal of his, and he'd spend 100% of his time chasing the newcomer everywhere they went while trying to squeeze a single smile out of them.

☆ melone, much like formaggio, became intrigued with the newbie's cold facade. he and personal space were enemies. he wanted to decode every inch of the newcomer's personality, often asking them personal questions to no avail. he cherished every nugget of information he got.

★ by the second or third month, everyone got used to the newbie's presence. some of them still felt hesitant around them but had some respect. pesci, melone and formaggio were the ones who actively befriended the newbie, even though they were stiff and quiet.

☆ somehow, the newbie accepted an invitation to play poker with la squadra after formaggio begged on his knees for them to join the game. even prosciutto got forced to participate by risotto.

★ a few empty bottles later, the game got serious and the bets started. melone had lost a bet and had to remove his shirt, revealing a so-then-hidden tattoo. it looked botched and silly. as formaggio made a nasty joke about it, the newbie snorted.

☆ all eyes were on them, as everyone felt genuinely surprised to see the newbie laughing so hard over such a silly joke. it was the first time they ever saw their teeth. tears of joy slid down their face, mostly because of how intoxicated they were.

★ even though they agreed not to make the newbie feel ashamed about that incident nor comment on it later, la squadra felt more comfortable about befriending them after realizing they only needed a little hand to be likable.

[la-principessa-della-squadra]

Hello! Just dropping by to say that I hope you're doing better, and that I miss your writings of course 🥺🙏🏻

Thank you anon💕

Thank you so much my kind anon 💕😍💓

These are tough times for me but I think everything is going to be alright🥰

Hope you're doing good💕 Sorry for the late reply, I was AFK for a while

-La Principessa della Squadra

[sisterkosho]

What made you dislike Bucci Gang aside from them killing La Squadra, mostly your fave Illuso?

Didn't they also kill people to reach their goal, but the Bucci Gang doing it for the greater good, and the La Squadra doing it to overthrow the Boss and continue the drug trade by themselves.

To be honest, I think the fandom contributed pretty heavily to my dislike of the Bucci gang. I actually didn’t mind them all that much when I first watched part 5, but the way a lot of their fans (mostly on Twitter) tend to behave towards criticism or even just any slightly negative opinion of the characters is just… yikes. I feel like a lot of people tend to forget that even though the Bucci gang were the protagonists, they were still in the mafia and did just as many bad things as everyone else regardless of their reasoning behind it. No one in Passione had the moral high ground. There were no good guys and bad guys. Just a bunch of messed up people in unfortunate circumstances who all had their own reasoning for doing what they did. Some were worse than others, yes. But they were all criminals at the end of the day.

It’s easy to see La Squadra as the villains because they’re presented as such in the series, but their motives had very little to do with the drug trade. Yes, they were severely underpaid and jealous of the money that the drug peddlers were making, and it’s possible that this was the reason that Sorbet and Gelato attempted to find out Diavolo’s identity in the first place. But the reason that Risotto and the rest of La Squadra ended up going after him was ultimately more about revenge and getting their team the respect they deserved. This is mainly why I don’t like referring to them as villains. Because to me, their reasoning was just as valid as the Bucci gang’s.

Despite this though, their fans really like to try and villainize La Squadra, while making it seem as though the Bucci gang could do no wrong. When again, neither one was worse than the other. And they take this to the absolute extreme. Personally, I only have experience with the Fugo fans going after me. But I’ve seen and heard about similar things happening time and time again, and it’s just kind of ruined the characters and any enjoyment I might’ve had of them imo. I’m aware that not ALL Bucci gang fans are like this, and it’s mostly just on jojotwt which is a special kind of hell, but it’s definitely made me a little bitter.

The plot armor they were given in the series also drives me absolutely insane. It didn’t bother me too much the first time around, but rewatching part 5 really made me realize how stupid a majority of the fights were. There were SO MANY instances where La Squadra could’ve and should’ve won, but didn’t for the absolute dumbest reasons. This is admittedly a bit more of a petty reason for disliking the Bucci gang, but it’s just so frustrating to me watching those fights back- I also just kinda find some of them annoying but if I talk about that too much I fear I’ll be obliterated,

[chloesimaginationthings]

Rank the jojo villains from your favorite to least favorite I need to know now that I know Pucci is a favorite 👁

I’ll do my best here 😭

Favourite

- Pucci

- Kira (not my absolute favourite but is my muse)

- Dio

- Funny Valentine

- Toru

- Kars

- Diavolo

Least favourite

Listen, Diavolo is severely under-utilized and, unlike every other Jobro vs Jofoe, Giorno and Diavolo actually don’t have much at odds with one another. Symbolically maybe, but fundamentally,, not really. He’s kinda a weaker ver of what Kira already did best.

Though again I like all of the jjba villains that’s why I draw them so often pff so take all of this with a grain of salt. I feel like my opinions on all of them are too complex to have a true “ranked list”

[ask-sorlato]

Who is your favourite Jojos character?

Risotto Nero because I'm a shameless whore 💅✨✨

-mod

[dumb-teambucciarati-headcanons]

Stands interacting with La squadra

THANKFUL DEAD or grateful or whatever

Formaggio: very scared of the thankful dead, he doesn’t want to lose his “good looks”. The thankful dead likes to pull pranks on him by aging him when he isn’t expecting it.

Illuso: since he has a mirror stand, he looks in the mirror a lot. So when he first met prosciutto and didn’t know what his stand was, he nearly panicked when he looked in the mirror and saw that he had aged many years. That was the thankful dead’s way of introducing himself. Illuso doesn’t mess with prosciutto.

Pesci: he thinks it’s such a cool stand (because it’s his big bros)! He gets nervous when he uses it because he is usually his big bros partner out on missions. The thankful dead does it’s best to look out for Pesci.

Melone: melone is a big fan of how it ages people to death, being as crazy as he is …

Ghiaccio: is immune to the thankful dead and will forever rub it in prosciuttos face. He will say things like “I think your stand would actually make me look younger, that’s how immune I am to it.”

Risotto: thinks the stands name is edgy as fuck, and mentions that whenever the thankful dead is mentioned. Wouldn’t mind being aged to death because that’s really cool and his joints already hurt anyways. The thankful dead willingly poses for edgy goth photo shoots with Risotto.

Sorbet and gelato: one time they got hit with its aging power and they were both like “wow, you are still so attractive when you are old, at least I know we will grow old together and still be in love!” And a bunch of other mushy stuff couples say.

[squadrah]

got inspired by the awesome dilf post, so please: la squadra as milfs???

I'M SOBBING, here we go I guess!! I'm dialing this one to eleven!!

Risotto: She's giant in every way so everyone else appears quite small next to her. She's usually in the kitchen or her kitchen garden, picking fruit from her trees without needing so much as a stool to reach most of them. Rumor has it she once slapped a wild bear in the face with her chancla to defend her family, and if asked about it, she will modestly look away and murmur, "Anyone else would have done the same." (The bear never came back, by the way.)

Formaggio: You can tell she used to be a hardcore punk: she still sports a buzz cut, with red lipstick and golden hoop earrings to add some bright colors. She's top heavy and proud of it, so she makes sure to show ample cleavage and likes to wear leather jackets. She loves to go out and constantly organizes outings for her friends and family; has never missed an event, and has never left an event without drinking something. A dangerous flirt.

Prosciutto: She's extremely overcommitted, and how she hasn't gone insane yet from micromanaging everything from work to her entire family's smallest concerns is a mystery. Her children are still affected by her leaning in and papping their cheeks, and the impression is even stronger on covetous strangers. Only ever lets her curly hair down for evening parties, at which point she basically transforms into into a femme fatale. Pegs like a battering ram.

Pesci: Always overcome by severe gender dysphoria whenever she compares herself to her more feminine peers, but she makes do with cute and novel ways of styling her scant hair, nice patterned tops and trouser skirts. She's often shy, but sometimes has her bold moments that suggest she could be a real firecracker if properly encouraged. Does a lot of heavy lifting that reveals ridiculous core strength and flexibility. Loves dancing and rhythm games.

Ghiaccio: The only one in yoga class who wishes you were allowed to scream out loud, and the only parent who, if their child takes up a sport, will take up that sport herself both as a form of support and as a means of bonding with her child and people her age. Is a health freak and makes kale smoothies, but since her legs look great in tight pants and her tits are rock hard, she's clearly winning. Has probably never had an orgasm, so there's a good challenge.

Melone: How is she still alive, and why does she still look like a barely aged scene girl? Nobody knows, not even her, but she's happy to lounge on her designated bean bag chair in cute pajamas and her laptop always on. Be careful around her: her brain is oversaturated with niche Wikipedia articles and she'll tell you all about them as soon as you're near enough to hear, and you might in ten minutes find yourself painting her toenails while she's reading your horoscope.

Illuso: Oh, she is the ultimate Karen. Luscious hair styles, immaculate manicures, the latest mom fashions, and a holier-than-thou smirk that instantly makes the manager homicidal. Knows her coupons and discounts more than the Bible but she's dressed to the nines every Sunday flashing that mass stipend to let everyone know she's more generous of heart than they could ever be, then whines at the barista about her order. Teases her children mercilessly.

Sorbet: That one esoteric plant witch who loves her orchids more than her own children, and would become a certified hermit if she could. Since she's stuck with her family, however, she stalks around her home like she's embodying Morticia Addams, and talks to everyone in a dry and ominous tone. Watches too many murder mysteries and cooks mushroom stew right after. You are welcome to indulge her obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: The whimsical happy-go lucky mom that every fanciful child dreams of, the type who builds blanket forts in the living room, thinks that everyone deserves a little treat always, and actively assists whenever anyone around her wants to try something new and possibly dangerous. Has nearly burned down her house a dozen times but she keeps toasting marshmallows in bed with a blowtorch. Hope you have insurance if you decide to engage.