#at least in the grander scheme

[saltycharacters]

What is the meaning of life? Also, whats ur favorite thing to cook

My geniune take on the meaning of life is finding joy in your own existance, doesn't have to be anything groundbreaking or big but finding comfort in hobbies/creation/indulging in your little interests in the moment is what gives your own life purpose. At least to me, there's no logical cosmic purpose or goal for our existence, we're literally just here because of the drive to survive as a species, which itself is a neutral fact that doesn't mean much, so grand gestures aren't all that valuable or important as long as you find a comfort in being.

My fav thing to cook is pasta :] I'm not much of a cook in general, and pasta making is literally just boiling water and adding salt, but my comfort food is pasta so I have to make a pot for myself twice a week and I've perfected the texture in a way I'm really proud of.

[spootles]

Just something to keep in mind....

[takeyourdailydoseofcyanide]

what new world is rhis one

forgot countrjes suppsoedly exist . so disorienting . curated . . . .

[hagravenholm]

The way I’m dreading this mf trip

[goosensuch]

ur all crazy for believing that Buck denying his feelings for Eddie means he doesn’t have feelings for Eddie.

I know this sounds counter intuitive. but I think if they were telling the audience that Buck loves Eddie as a friend, he would be reacting very differently to Eddie leaving.

in the context of the episode, buck spends the whole time talking about eddie and processing that eddie is gone. We saw the reactions eddies friends and collegues had to his departure, they are happy for him. buck cannot be.

Furthermore, so far in the season, his entire arc is losing Eddie. If the show was working towards buck and tommy getting back together, his feelings for tommy would have been raised at least once. instead, for the whole three episodes, buck is freaking out over Eddie leaving.

My point being, narratively speaking, buck’s arc is about Eddie, not about Tommy.

Now yes, buck and Tommy did hook up. But they hooked up in Eddie’s house, and 1/2 conversations we saw them have was about Eddie. Eddie looms like a fridged wife over their hook up and the narrative. and now we get to the denial.

The show is textually introducing the concept of Buck being in love with Eddie. This needs to be done because while a lot of fans are seeing the chemistry between the characters, there’s an epistemic gap that needs to be bridged to where the show itself can make their relationship into Plot.

We are starting thus, with their dynamic as codependent best friends. It would be boring to have Buck wake up one morning and simply come to the conclusion that he is in love with Eddie. This realisation has to come from a level of conflict in the story. Buck has to change in some way, grow or evolve in order to reach this conclusion. So, this episode was the set up to begin that growth. The idea of him being in love with Eddie is introduced, and he vehemently denies it.

BUT the denial is rather weak.

“You live in his house” - “it’s not his house, he’s a renter”

“You have feelings for him” - “he’s straight, plus I don’t have to sleep with everyone I have feelings for.”

In the scene with Tommy, he doesn’t even say that he’s not in love with Eddie, he is flustered, gives excuses, then lashes out because the conversation is uncomfortable.

In the grander scheme, the textual confirmation that Tommy broke up with Buck because he saw Eddie as competition adds more credence to Buck and Eddie being the end game couple here, not Buck and Tommy. We don’t see any of Tommy’s interior world, his thoughts or feelings. If this was about Tommy’s insecurities, it would be established that way. When it is raised in this latest episode, Buck would have gone “no girl, I don’t like him I liked you, why did u break up with me over that?” And we would get a scene of them deepening their bond and discussing their insecurities.

Instead, Buck lashes out in discomfort, pushes Tommy away again, and then goes to Maddie. His main take away from his conversation with Tommy is him being in love with Eddie. If it was about Tommy, the conversation would focus on how Buck hurt Tommy, how he feels guilty and needs to make amends. While this does come up, the focus of the conversation is the Eddie thing. Again, Buck denies his feelings, using Eddie’s heterosexuality as a shield. Maddies reaction here is more interesting to me. Her calling into question Buck’s feelings towards Eddie, as someone close to Buck, is confirmation to me that buck is not a reliable narrator of his own emotions at the moment. She has seen his journey to discovering his sexuality, and understands that he is sometimes clueless to the obvious things in front of him. Her calmly calling into question how he feels is the first time he is given space to consider this reality.

Once again, if it was about Tommy, the Eddie thing would be discussed as something Tommy said, why he might think that. But the main focus is on whether Buck is in love with Eddie or not.

On a separate note, Buck is baking again. He’s not baking over his break up with Tommy, he’s baking over his loss of Eddie. This parallel, showing bucks feelings for Tommy as equivalent to his feelings for Eddie, by showing him coping with their loss in the same way, is honest to god textual evidence that buddie is going canon. Yes it’s a small detail but I think an important one.

Buck isn’t even aware that he’s doing it, he’s absentmindedly baking from the moment Eddie leaving becomes real. Much like he’s unaware of how he feels about Eddie. He’s coping the same way out of instinct.

While his words speak to one reality, his actions speak to another. There is a very clear line being drawn between how Buck is reacting to Eddie leaving, and how everyone else is feeling. Textually introducing Buck being in love with Eddie with a denial of this does not necessitate Buck not being in love with Eddie. It speaks to an arc beginning. If the arc was Buck and Tommy being getting back together, Buck would be focused on their hook up and conversation, not on whether he’s hypothetically in love with his straight best friend.

[girl-lostconnection]

Continuation that I promised to come back with as a response to this ask

The Lad

Simon doesn’t think much before choosing military. He’s never been much for academics and military at least guarantees some stable income.

Yeah, at the expense of his health and possibly life but well, at least he gets to make something out of himself. (At least he gets away from home and dad and heavy Manchest skies)

Simon can’t stand the thought of you “settling” for him.

Because you are bloody brilliant, you are soft and beautiful and strong. And impossibly, you love him.

You haven’t said it yet, you are keeping it close to your heart but you don’t need to — it’s something even he can see.

Simon wants to be something worthy of that love.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he announced that he’s going away to serve in military but it definitely wasn’t this panicked look in your eyes and trembling hands because hey…hey hey hey, it’s okay, love, it’s not permanent, yeah? He will come back to you, of course he will, sweetheart, do you think he’d just leave the best thing ever happened to him?

Darling, you are everything and he’s just a kid from a broken home and broken family and he wants to be something. He wants to feel that he actually deserves all that love and care.

He wants to know that he is something to be proud of, that you won’t be wasting away with someone like him.

Your future is bright even if you don’t get into fancy university or college, but Simon is bottom of the barrel in the grander scheme of things.

He wants to work for his place by your side.

He wants to come back and know that he deserves be with you, that he deserves to ask for you to stay with him. Forever and always.

But it all can wait because for now he wraps himself around you — tall and lanky, sharp angles softening around you, short tight kisses to the crown of your head.

He’s gonna come back, love, he promises.

Simon holds you tight and ignores the way his own eyes sting because god, the time would crawl while he’s away from you. Because he never wants to spend another day without you but he knows that if he doesn’t do something to prove to himself and everyone else that he can make something of himself…he will regret it for the rest of his life.

So he rasps out “write to me, will ya, luv?”, thumbs swiping away your tears, backpack slinged over his shoulder, your scarf wrapped around his neck.

And he’s so scared, he’s so fucking scared because it will take him at least few years before he can come back. And what if you meet someone else? What if someone who’s already worthy of your softness comes by when he’s out there bleeding and clawing his way up?

What if he comes back changed and you won’t want him anymore?

What if-what if-what if-what if.

But you kiss him before he goes and it’s salty from tears, it’s desperate and it’s so hungry he remembers that even if you didn’t have anyone you two always had each other. Nothing would change it.

All he can do is jump off the cliff and hope that his wings appear on the way down.

You are both crying when he finally gets on the bloody bus, eyes red-rimmed and noses sniffling but you pepper his wet face with kisses, hiss that he has to come back, that you will kill him if he won’t.

And Simon can’t help but laugh — sound wet and gurlgy from the mucus and all the water but he’s smiling again, eyes impossibly soft because god, you truly are something, aren’t you, love?

“You are magic, luv. Never forget tha’. Never forget me, olright? I’ll come back”, he sounds almost reverent, voice thick with devotion and something else, hands holding your face like the most precious thing in the world.

He’ll come back. Just wait for him, okay?

Goodbye, love.

And goodnight.

[theunsinkableship1]

FRIENDSHIP never looked SO GOOD...

All I see is WIN WIN WIN no matter what.

After months of separate public appearances, the SAG Awards 2025 have gifted us with a long-awaited sight, Nicola and Luke, together again. After eight long months without a single candid moment, just one pre-planned picture, a few scattered crumbs, tonight at the SAG Awards 2025 gave us everything. All the speculation, all the doubts? Gone in an instant. Because tonight, we saw it with our own eyes. A reunion that feels less like a moment and more like a confirmation of what we’ve always known: their chemistry is unmatched, incomparable, and entirely real, whether as friends or something more.

Luke couldn’t control himself on the red carpet. He was 100% the Luke we love. Beaming, buzzing, brimming with affection. And Nicola? She wasn’t much better. That huge smile, the one that reaches her eyes, the Nicola we saw on tour, the Nicola who radiates pure joy in his presence. The micro-expressions, the inside jokes, the way Luke physically gravitates toward her, it's not just affection; it's instinct. Even when they aren’t touching, their body language leans into one another, as if the space between them is meant to be filled.

Let’s talk about that yank-in, that bear hug, that almost-handhold. Because let’s be real, they saw each other last night. Last night. He said so himself. And yet? He’s still that excited to see her.

Mans goes full golden retriever around that goddess, I don’t know what to tell you.

And then there’s this: "Your dress matches your eyes."

Luke to Nicola. On the red carpet. With cameras rolling. Because if he doesn’t say something soft and devastatingly sweet at least once, is it even a real interaction?

They’ve spent months filming together, days upon days in each other’s company. They literally had drinks the night before. And yet? The way they acted tonight, you’d think they hadn’t seen each other in ages

Individually, they shine. Together, they radiate. There’s an unspoken energy between them that no other pairing quite matches. We’ve seen them separately, and sure, they look good, but this? This is different. There’s an ease, a joy, a familiarity that makes their interactions feel magnetic. Love, warmth, ease, an effortless connection that makes everything else pale in comparison. It’s a blessing and a curse because, let’s be honest, no other dynamic quite measures up. No one else quite measures up. Their chemistry is so effortless, so electric, that it makes everything else feel just a little dimmer. It’s not even about shipping; it’s about the simple fact that this is what natural, unforced, undeniable connection looks like. Their interactions have never been friendly, not in 2022, not now. They’ve always been friendly. But since 2022, it’s been different. More intense. More palpable. More moments of closeness, more handholding, more quiet intimacy. And tonight? It wasn’t just a continuation; it was confirmation. The closeness, the instinctive pulls toward each other, the handholding, the lingering eye contact, the playful compliments, it’s all there, as vivid as ever.

And then there’s Luke. The way his demeanor changes in her presence, brighter, lighter, freer. More at ease than he’s been in months, as though something finally clicked back into place.

The skeptics will call it PR. They always do. But some things can’t be manufactured. Some things transcend labels, headlines, and strategic narratives. This was the moment to let the world see, it almost feels like a carefully placed reminder. A way of saying, “You thought something had changed? You thought wrong.”

They may have lost awards tonight, but in the grander scheme of things? Love always wins.

[nonbinarypirat]

Palome and Kirio

I think we should talk about the similarities between Palome and Kirio. Obviously the story of Palome is a work of fiction within the universe of Iruma-kun created as a group effort between Beem, Iruma, Silvy, and Marnie but the similarities between them are very clear. Palome was a demon who wanted to be accepted by her peers and put herself out only to be ridiculed. From this trauma, she derived pleasure from the experience rather than the typical pain she should have felt. This is not just a sporadic “oh I love the look of despair now!” This came from her deep seated insecurity, previous trauma, and self hatred. Just like Kirio, she has been constantly rejected and to save her from the trauma, her brain derived pleasure from the sensation.

However, we then learn that the only reason she came to this conclusion was because of her sadistic sister. Galna manipulated her their entire relationship and probably contributed to her ostracism. She used Palome’s distress to her benefit to make her loose her mind and spend the rest of her days as a painting. Only to become an even more dangerous painting to one up her sister for the final time.

While Amy came to the conclusion himself to shield himself from the trauma of constant isolation, Baal has also used and twisted his desire from his own gain. A vulnerable young demon who is confused and looking for connection with deep seated issues? That’s the perfect victim to recruit into your budding cult. Kirio may have already been on the track to origins but Baal grew the likelihood and has since been using him. I mean, their relationship is just plain not healthy? A little back and forth teasing is great and all but the abuse he spit at Amy when we first learned about him is just not normal. But for Kirio, he’s the first person he sees as understanding him and when we are talking about evil schemes, this type of relationship is fine right? Idk, it’s just very interesting for Nishi to make a fake character with this type of story when we have a character so similar to Palome. I don’t believe it was an accident. I think we as the audience are supposed to see this, recognize their similarities, and connect all the details.

More evidence pointing towards this is during the Walter Park arch. When Elizabetta is in the shelter, she takes it on herself to take care of the children there. Obviously they are scared out of their minds and confused on what’s going on. From her thoughts we learn that this stressful experience could cause them to have severe issues with their evil cycles or even turn to origins. From this, we know that trauma is one of the root causes for returning to origins. Now I don’t believe it’s the only way, there may just be demons more prone to this line of thinking. Demons who were just born more "primitive." But it’s clear that this is a psychological issue that, if not addressed, can turn to deadly consequences.

The parallels between these two is very curious and it makes me wonder about how Kirio will end up. Will he too be trapped in a "frame," unable to come back to himself and falling too much into the deep end to recover? With this ending, it seems that Baal has won and there's nothing left to do other then to one up him after Kirio has served his purpose. He will fashion himself into a grander painting that will be feared by all that look upon it (or at least, that's his hope). Or will Kirio find a middle ground and escape his fate of being internally trapped in the painting? Will the story have a different end for him? Only our lord and savior Nishi will know the answer.

(Also, I meant to post this a looooong time ago during the haunted house arch but better late than never as they say. Sorry for taking a long time in between posts, college is destroying my brain but I'm surviving.)

[atombombkaytee]

I’ve watched the entire series again today in a hungover state and I CAN’T DEAL with all the parallels.

I mean, when Lucy finds out about her Dad’s true actions and origins - her whole world falls apart. She saw the vaults as safety - she looked up to her Dad more than anyone else in the world. She learns that he’s lied about who he is as a man and as her father, but also she must realise that the vault’s are hiding their own dirty secrets (especially after her experience at vault 4) and that her Dad is a part of that too. She even says to Max, after leaving vault 4, that if she destroyed a whole community to save him, he would be heartbroken: when that’s exactly what he did on an even grander and more terrible scale. Lucy’s life wasn’t even in direct danger to warrant that reaction - he’s just an insecure selfish arsehole.

At the very same time we see the flashback scene of Coop hearing Barb suggest that they drop the bombs on America. This woman that he loves and trusts and has made a family with - who he said he fell in love with because she always tries to do the right thing. Their reactions at the point of realisation - shock, inability to speak, almost dissociation - are both extremely similar. Him having gone through that betrayal before (and likely plenty of times since) is EXACTLY why he talks to Lucy how he does. He’s preparing her for the eventual heartbreak - because he has experience which states that nothing could ever be as perfect as she claims her life is. When he’s making ass jerky from Roger, he even tells her: there’s what people say they do and then there’s what they really do.

When you look at all of that, really, in the scheme of things, Coop - the man that she’s seen as this inhuman, cruel, murderous monster - he’s the good guy. He too thought his wife’s business with vault tec was abhorrent. Yes, he’s been warped and twisted by the wasteland and by his own trauma - but he does see this brightness in Lucy. He thought she was just naive and full of bullshit (especially being a vault dweller. Something which I’m sure triggered him considering his past with vault tec and the links to his wife) but when she proved herself by giving him the vials instead of letting him die, he’s probably amazed that there’s someone left in the world who isn’t just a liar and a terrible person. He’s so used to betrayal and violence by this point. She’s a good person - a trait that he literally said he was in love with his wife because of. She softens him.

But she also proves herself in another way - by shooting her feralled mother - showing that she’s also grown and learnt that not everything is black and white. It’s not just “good and bad” in this world. And although Coop has questionable morals, he’s honest, like her. He tells it how it is. Plus, after her Dad’s huge life changing betrayal and her time in the wasteland, she understands a little more why Coop has done all the things that she’s seen him do - I mean he did meet her pretty much day one out of the vault initially - hence why she goes with him. He has hardened her up to protect her in the wasteland.

Wilzig even says “will you still want the same things when you’re a different animal altogether.”

My god. It’s just genius. Absolutely genius.

“You comin’?”

Edit: Can we also talk about how Coop is basically the inspiration for the vault boy - who Lucy basically looks to (physically a few times throughout the series) for inspiration to do the right thing. AND the fact that her Dad was obviously a bit obsessed with Coop and probably still was when Lucy was born, seeing as he’d been in a pod and had only just woken up, retaining recent memories. So Lucy likely watched all of his films and her Dad maybe even saw him as a bit of a role model (or at least his in-film characters). AND the obvious exchange of index fingers. Yup. Honestly if this relationship doesn’t become cannon, I will start dropping bombs too.

ANOTHER EDIT: Sorry one last thing but, I just want to add: nothing that post-war Coop does is personal. It’s either: to get a job done, survival, because he’s been triggered by something (understandable after what’s he been through) or, in Lucy’s case, to teach a (admittedly often harsh) lesson. He doesn’t just mindlessly kill - or particularly enjoy killing - he just has no issue with it, it’s all just means to an end. He even still remembers to pay for his tomatoes in Filly ffs haha… I imagine he’s extremely numb and devoid of all feeling - except for when it comes to his wife and little girl. That’s the only time we see more visceral reactions in either actions or dialogue from him. He’s such an intricate character and Walton did an amazing job of portraying him.

[kairiscorner]

So I was watching the live adaptation of the addams family (released in 1991)

AND MHIEEEE,,,,,,,,

There’s this one scene where Gomez is looking down at Morticia

And his dialogue…..

“Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her.”

AND I CANNOT, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, STOP THINKING ABT MIGUEL IN THIS SCENE

Like babes have we ever considered gothic!miggy b4 bc

Bc….

ATE NALOLOKA NA PO AKO SAYO /hinimatay ngl i can't see current miggy as a goth, but younger miggy? oh hell yeah, he'd probably try out a goth aesthetic huhu MMMMMMM I WANNA WRITE THIS NGL ACK

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

i mean it when i say... i'd kill for you, i'd die for you. – miguel o'hara x reader

there are times when he has to ask himself, really get himself thinking–"why am i still spider man? for what am i saving all these people who i've never even met before, taking hits from overzealous, insane villains so nobody else gets hurt even though they don't even thank me in the end... living despite the pain of living, loving despite the risk of having my heart broken–that i would be the reason of a loved one's heartache and suffering?"

there are hardly any times when questions of severe existentialism are ever answered early by the vast universe; the answers are hidden, muddled by the cosmos that keep expanding, never to be known by any living mortal–at least, not directly. miguel's dilemma is such, for truly, what is his life when put into the perspective of the grander scheme of things? what is the meaning behind the life he lives when he cannot even get a moment of rest until he's in the grave? what does he come home for, only to leave that home all over again and come back who knows when?

as he swings home, making minimal noise and conspicuous movements towards the window of your bedroom with miguel–he stares for a moment into the room. he's greeted to the very familiar sight of you sleeping soundly by your side, hopefully not suffering any internal turmoil that would discomfort you in your slumber. as you lay there, with your eyes shut and mouth slightly parted–gently snoring and mumbling in your sleep–with the moonlight illuminating your gentle figure, fragile frame... miguel has the answer to a his pondering answered in that one scene of his evening–of his life.

he mustered the courage to enter the room, quietly crawling in like a thief in the night. he shut the window closed after entering and dissipated his suit–leaving him in a pair of dark color briefs. he got under the covers, hoping not to wake you from your seemingly peaceful sleep, and once he snuggled up next to you... he found himself holding his breath in, as if anticipating that at any moment, the multiverse would part you from him and keep him as he always was before you came: miserable, lonely, and empty–without meaning.

your sleeping face was turned to his side, your eyelashes and lips looking so ravishing to miguel to pepper with kisses–your nose looking so... biteable. he smiled to himself slightly and gently pushed back a small lock of your hair behind your ear, shifting his face to move closer to you, to gaze into your lovely face and just soak in all of you.

"look at you... oh, the things i'd do for you; i can't even begin... to tell you..." he muttered, having a one-way conversation with your sleeping figure. he brushed the back of his finger against your cheek slowly, savoring the feeling of your warm skin. "i do all these things, all these things nobody thanks me for, to keep you safe–to see you in this very bed, to hold you another night, see you another day and hear your voice speak my name and tell me you love me..." he murmured, moving his face closer to yours–your lips almost touching, his nose poking yours.

he exhaled and smiled gently up at you. "i mean it when i say i'd die for you... i'd kill for you. nobody else matters to me, not anymore, when all i have left is you." he whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours, giving your nose a small kiss, taking your hand in his and gently squeezing it. whether you heard him or not didn't matter, miguel had finally gotten his answer from the universe somehow–and miguel would repeat to you that answer from the universe again and again and again.

you're the only one he has now, the only one who's never left him and has defied what the multiverse has in store for him–you're all that he loved, loves, and will ever love–until the end of time and space itself, you are all that he wants and needs.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @luvstarrstruck @melovetitties @arachnoia @fictarian @yuridopted0 @ophanimgold @meeom @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @popeheywardssecretgf @smokeywhalee

[featguler]

guessing every gaze ────── you are tending his wounds.

♡ ────── pairing : eduardo camavinga x reader ♡ ────── tags : reader's gender, ethnicity, nationality, and appearance is not specified. college!au. reader and eduardo are best friends, they both want something more. eduardo got into a fight; wound descriptions ♡ ────── wordcount : 1,695 ♡ ────── notes : i love writing college au's bc surprise surprise: im a college student. i do really be writing whatever the fuck i want. hope u enjoy this hehe im all giggly writing this. title from niki's urs! ♡ masterlist.

“How did you get in?”

You drop your bag—binder of worksheets and laptop and all—along with your jaw as you stare at Eduardo, obviously in pain, clutching on his stomach, groaning on your bed. Getting home from the first class of the semester, you had absolutely not expected Eduardo to magically appear in your dorm room.

“A little empathy wouldn’t hurt,” he glares at you, not doing much to hide the gash under his eyes, or the bruising on his neck, or whatever the fuck is going on with his bottom lips.

Your eyes wander to his hand—knuckles—and see the dry blood chipping on it.

“I’m fucking beat, couldn’t possibly go home like this, huh? Ma’s gonna give me another round of bruising if she sees me like this.”

You scoff, quickly slamming the door behind you you bend down to grab your bag, repeating you initial question: “How the fuck did you get in?”

“The window,” he finally answers with a grunt, rolling his eyes as if it was the obvious answer.

“This is the second floor,” you lock the door behind you, furrowing your eyebrow.

“I climbed,” he shrugs.

“Like that?!” You gesture vaguely at all the wounds you see—and don’t—throwing your arms around. “How did no one see you climbing the fucking walls?”

“Does it matter?” He whines.

“Yes!” You couldn’t sound more exasperated. “My roommate can be back any second now, you know.”

“You know they got a warmer back to return to,” Eduardo flicks his wrist, dusting your worries away. His eyes wander to your nightstand and at you, holding out his hand to beckon you to come over. “C’mere, give me a kiss.”

“A kiss?” It’s your turn to whine as you approach him, your bed dipping under your knee. Your hand finds it to trace its finger over his eyebrows, and a gash on his cheeks. He flinches. “Dear lord, you look terrible.”

“I’ll live,” he snickers, staying still like moving too much would scare you away. “Won the fight, no doubt.”

“It’s those fucking football betting group again, isn’t it?”

“Mhm,” he closes his eyes, like he is enjoying the way you are caressing his wounds. “Maybe it is. Where’s my kiss?”

He opens his eyes, and meets yours, waiting for his little kiss. After a fight, you would think that being kissed is the least of his priorities, but the way his gaze softens the moment you run your knuckles along his jaw tells you that he wants that kiss.

“I need a distraction,” he explains, even if you had not asked him for any, “from the pain.”

Your lips form a pout, “I’m not kissing you.”

The line between friends and not-friends grows to blur as the days continue to pass—he would find you whenever he gets into another one of his stupid fights, and it’s easy for you to say that both Eduardo and you wants something more out of your relationship, but it really is not that simple, is it, in the grander scheme of things?

Eduardo groans, raising one of his hands to gently grip your forearm. “Aw come on, don’t be like that. I could really use a kiss right now, I’m all beat up. Plus, I know you want to.”

He wiggles his eyebrows, though you can see how his muscles shift under his t-shirt, trying to hide his pain. You giggle, finally cupping his jaws in your hand.

You like where you are right now, this little desperation in his voice, the thrill you get from fucking around in ways you should not.

And despite the bruises and cuts on his lips, he cracks open a smile—more adorable than anything you have ever seen. “I might not make it through the night,” he raises an eyebrow, drawing out another laugh from your lips, “If you don’t kiss me, you might be responsible for my death. Don’t want that now, don’t you?”

“Urgh,” you roll your eyes, looking away as he unhands your forearm and instead moves to the small of your back, wrapping his arm around your waist. You trace your fingers against his skin anyway. “Friends shouldn’t really be kissin’ each other and all that, you know?”

You lean in, pressing your noses against each other—and you have got to admit. He may be stringing you along, but you are playing into his game too. You like it, though, and who’s to say that he doesn’t?

“We aren’t really friends, though?” Eduardo murmurs, his gaze deep into your eyes before darting down to your lips. He leans up, slowly bridging the gap between your lips, and lets it linger.

It was a soft kiss—a peck, even—and before you can savour any of it, he pulls away. You suck in a deep, sharp breath when you feel his lips gone from yours, your chest burning up, hand still on his face.

“I just need a place to rest for a bit,” he urges quietly, somewhat shy as he looks away, before braving to look you straight in the eyes again with a gentle smile, juxtaposing the wounds on his face. “And maybe shower. Then I’ll get out of your way, I promise.”

“Oh, come on,” you whine, his grip on your waist only growing tighter. “You said it yourself, my roommate’s got a warmer bed to go home to. You can stay.”

Eduardo’s smile grows into a grin, beaming up at you softly. “I’ll be out by the morning.”

He lets go of your waist, and you try to steady the beat of your heart as you stand. “I have morning classes anyway,” you try to sound casual, like you aren’t trying to fight the muscles on your cheeks from breaking a smile. “I’ll find some band-aids.”

“You don’t have to,” Eduardo tries to get up but groans from a hit somewhere in his stomach.

“I want to,” you insist, turning to scour through the wardrobe.

“Mhm.”

Even just looking for bandages, you can feel his eyes drilling holes into the back of your head.

“You’re a good friend,” he says after a moment of silence, and you can’t help but laugh, though you feel your face heating up.

“I try my best,” just as you locate the small, first aid kit, you turn back to him, only to find his head against the headboard of your bed, offering you the best smile he can muster, showing off his teeth.

“You really do,” he rubs the back of his neck, scooting over a little to give you some space as you go to sit next to him, opening up the kit on your nightstand, “I appreciate that.”

You feel like you are swimming in uncharted waters—him so close as you begin to dab disinfectant to the wound on his lips, then on his cheek, then on his eyebrows. He’s been close before, yeah, and he’s kissed you before too. But tonight just feels so intimate.

Maybe it’s his heavy breathing, and occasional grunts when you hit a sensitive gash. Maybe it’s the way his eyes follow each one of your movements, studying you like he wants to write an encyclopaedia about what you are and what you are not.

“What?” You decide to break the silence gently, glancing up to meet his eyes before focusing back on his wounds. You feel your heart racing again.

“I’m waitin’ for you to kiss me again.”

Eduardo stays still, but he clears his throat. His voice is quiet, relaxed, but also serious; like he doesn’t know if he is ready for rejection but is willing to try anyway. You stop for a moment, looking at him again to try to gather what he may be thinking.

“We kissed a while ago,” you remind, after swallowing the spit gathering under your tongue, praying to the good god that he does not notice how flustered you are. You shift your focus from the conversation to getting a bandaid. You carefully peel the back off, and press it on a particularly nasty wound on his jaw, hoping to not hurt him much. “Here we go.”

“That was a peck,” he laughs and you raise an eyebrow. “It doesn’t count.”

“It totally does,” you try arguing back, trying to convince yourself that you don’t need a real kiss.

“Come on,” he tenses, suddenly straightening up his back, his nose next to yours as he keeps his eyes on your lips. “Again? Like you want it the way I want it.”

He is staring at you like he is standing at the edge of something that he knows he won’t be able to climb back from. And before you can respond, Eduardo closes the small space between your lips, pressing his warm lips against yours again. His hand travels to the back of your head, pushing you deeper as sparks ignite at every contact your skin makes.

And you feel like you could drown in how warm he is, how gentle he is, how soft his lips are. You know that it’s risky, what you are doing, but you lean even deeper into him. Your hands cup his face, digging into the kiss, and when he flinches from a cut you accidentally graze, neither of you pull away. Just as the heat rises, just as both your breaths begin to heave, you pull away.

“You taste amazing,” he murmurs, not pushing any further, and instead rests his forehead on yours.

“Stop it,” you murmur, gently pushing his head away. “You’re just being cheesy.”

You try to act like the kiss doesn’t bother you, like it didn’t get you all worked up.

He laughs. “Alright, alright, don’t be like that,” he catches the hand that pushed his head away, pressing a small kiss on the inside of your wrist. “But it’s true.”

You pull your hand away the moment you feel his lips on your skin, embarrassed and shyness convulsing into one in your face.

Eduardo leans back into the headboard, muttering a curse word when he moves a muscle the wrong way, before directing his attention to you. He shoots you a grin.

You’re in big trouble.

[dialecticaldimensions]

a little run through of msr's interactions throughout s8 (a lot was going on and I wanted to go back and watch how they were with each other as things unfolded) Deadalive

When Mulder moved his hand and Scully got so choked up she couldn’t even say his name! 

Mulder’s stupid-ass joke, omgggg this man! But you knowww he saw Scully all glassy-eyed and just wanted to make her laugh. Also “only what i see on your face” is such a line! How many times has he woken up with Scully by his hospital bedside, watching him, hand gently in his hair. And then the “anybody miss me?” actually wrecked me a little bit. If you observe/agree with mulder’s recklessness re: his own life, i think it’s heartbreaking that he still doesn’t quite believe just how needed he is, not as a pawn in this grander scheme, but as a person whose presence is a gift to those who care about him. (too much to unpack now, but god this one little scene, they both have SO much going on for them atm, it makes me weepy). 

Three words

“You’re in perfect health mulder” ohhh you can tell scully must be SO relieved to be saying those words to him. But she really is also so gentle and careful with mulder who looks like he doesn’t even know what to think (which yes correct, he was captured and tortured for three months so I wouldn’t even know how to start processing things). 

Their little jokes about the apartment being clean, they want to find their footing again SO BAD. Scully nervously twiddling her fingers. Mulder noticing the missing molly. 

Scully just wanting to have an honest conversation and Mulder DEFLECTING SO HARD!!! I am in pain for them both. His little smile when he said “i think i know how much that means to you”; he’s ALWAYS wanted her to be able to have this 😭

I did like that Mulder said he was having a hard time processing and not really knowing where he fits in. But god, Scully’s face after — you know she just wanted to feel some closeness and warmth after missing him, grieving him, trying to do his work the way he would because he’s gone and it’s one of the few ways she can still show her love for him. But he returns, not the same (of course not the same, no one would be after what he went through) and he needs his own time to process that the world did keep turning when he was gone. And they are both processing very different things of the same sequence of events that there just isn’t even a middle ground to reach yet. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN FROM THIS … 

Even though skinner was there … i loved seeing them have a conversation on mulder’s couch! That couch is so special to them! I know it seemed like Mulder was being a bit hard-headed, but honestly it was quite warranted. The division you poured so much into is being taken away from you, some other dude who you don’t know and has been working with your partner is now set to run the show; but i think at least with this it felt familiar to mulder yknow - defending his work from people who didn’t understand/who doesn’t appreciate what’s happening/who wants to shut it down. I actually think in this conversation we can see him finally feel like he has something to do. (Also, idk how other people saw it, but I think he really is telling Scully to take a step back and focus on the baby because he wants her to have that. Maybe he doesn’t quite know where he is in that picture yet, but he knows he wants her to have the space to lean into the motherhood she wanted). ((not really realising she wanted that WITH him))

Mulder you are insufferable sometimes and i love you for it - the whole thing with him noticing the man in the picture etc. it really is him trying to re-establish himself by proving how he is NEEDED for the x files (need to give him a hug, bc again of coursee you are needed, but that’s not all you need to be pls!). And Scully in the immediate next scene helping him steal evidence!! She really is trying so hard for him, that whole conversation in the evidence room … they are still not quite on the same page yet. Scully just wants him to take a break and not make things worse and just please calm down for one second, but Mulder cannot sit still (and god help her she knows this) and needs to do something, especially when he can’t quite figure out his own feelings. 

Not msr, but frohike hugging mulder really is one of the cutest things ever!!!!! Ok back to msr … TLG being the first one to acknowledge mulder’s participation in a ‘a certain blessed event’, very fitting!! Mulder’s face is sooooooo !!! like this is the first moment he’s properly considered his impending fatherhood (bc it probably is the first time). And i REALLY wished they explored this more later with just m/s … but alas 

Bc scully is really out here trying to honour the mulder she knows that rushes head first into saving the world, but all she wants to know is that he’ll be safe. She JUST got him back, she’s pregnant and she doesn’t want him doing dumb things. Scully is known to hold back what she really feels but i really wish they let her be a bit more explicit about her concerns beyond just “they could put you in jail” “they could shut down the x files” but maybe you can see this as her attempting to reach Mulder based on where she thinks his priorities and interest lies. 

Again, both still on different pages here, but at this point Scully is doing more to at least reach him at where he’s at. 

Empodoceles

Ok, ok so here’s my headcanon for this episode. In the previous episode when TLG mentioned mulder’s involvement, i genuinely think that was the first real moment when Mulder really clocks that he is also a proper part of this baby’s life. In the chaos and trauma of being abducted and returned and finding out your whole world has changed and not knowing where you fit (his own words), he defaulted back to what he always knew and always felt comfortable being in - the x files. And it makes sense, he grew his whole identity in that work. When he was abducted, his relationship with Scully was only just shaping into a form where they could both outwardly acknowledge what they truly are to each other. So, that base is more unsteady and it makes sense to me that Mulder, while still caring so much for scully and her well-being, might have forgotten that his relationship to her is also very much part of caring for her.

So then now, we have Mulder, coming in with a gift and the world’s worst joke of things going on with the pizza man and ‘we just work together’ because he’s finally realised he wants to be part of this family, but doesn’t know how to say it. And in true Mulder fashion turns to dumb-ass jokes and cryptic gift-giving. But you can see they are at least in a slightly better place here, Scully’s inflections in her voice and fond exasperation tells me that at the very least, Mulder has made more of an effort to be around her compared to the previous episodes. My headcanon here is that they have been hanging out/having sleepovers/phonecalls every night but as per usual not talking about their feelings and instead skirting around it. 

Also lol the nurse being like “you the husband?” was really rubbing salt into the wound mulder was trying to heal right then. But again, he says no but he WANTS to yes (there was no real indication for this, but like Reyes, I can sense things and this was just what I sensed okay). 

Mulder’s soft little “you awake?” and Scully’s equally as soft “yeah” as she turns to look at him. The concern on his face!!! The way he so gently places his hand on her belly!!!! (This particular moment was what made me think that they started properly talking to each other a bit more). Mulder seems like he’s a bit more on top of what’s been happening with her pregnancy, Scully feels a bit more settled with Mulder’s presence and him being out in the field. Probably not super in depth (bc our two faves really have a hard time being clear about feelings), but enough that Mulder probably expressed that he wants to be around to help her and Scully expressed she needs him to be more careful. (and ideally there were one or one hundred i missed you’s exchanged). But still not enough for Mulder to feel secure in his role as the father and scully to feel like mulder wants to be part of this family with her. 

I wish they lingered here a bit more instead of jumping straight to the doggett stuff, but unfortunately it is mid episode and the plot must be moved along i guess. But yknow he did take her seriously when she pointed out that differences doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t be trusted/taken seriously (aka reyes) and that he should give doggett a chance so that’s something i guess. 

The ending scene of this episode is one of my favourites!! And upon first watch definitely made me breathe a sigh of relief because it was mulder and scully both taking one more step towards each other! Scully’s little laughs and giggles made me so happy (she deserves it all!!!! Give her more!!). Mulder ordering them both pizza, Scully’s callback to the pizza guy joke and making it clear that it was a joke. Scully saying she was thinking about Mulder’s gift in the hospital, Mulder’s face as he watches her open it. When she bats him with the doll after his silly joke. (I’m still wondering who this doll belonged to bc he said he found it in the family home … I want to say samantha bc that will truly rip my heart out to pieces in good ways). But again, clear indication of Mulder establishing that he’s in this WITH her. And the most important thing, this time when Scully opens up and is a bit more emotional and tells him that he gave her the courage to believe, he doesn’t deflect, doesn’t make a dumb joke. He just smiles and sits with that, sits with her (the love of his life and mother of his child). 

And so, to me, this is when they finally finally have a proper conversation about everything! About how Scully felt when Mulder was back, the grief she had to go through, how she was trying so hard to keep the x files going without him. Trying to hold on to his beliefs and seeing the paranormal. How she wished he was with her when she found out about the pregnancy. Mulder on the other hand gets to signify that he’s here for her. He explains that he wants to be there for her and for the child and how he cares for her so much. How he’s sorry about all that she had to go through. But also talk about how he can’t quite give up on the x files just yet. And Scully will say she understands (because of course she does, she’s been with him for 8 years now) but she needs him to be careful now more than ever. He really needs to think about the risks that he’s taking. And it’s not a perfect conversation, but it’s better, it’s a little clearer, it’s a few steps forward towards each other that they are BOTH taking. 

And this would set things up so well for how they are in the next episode. 

Vienen

By the time we are here and Mulder has snuck on board the ship and Scully realises he’s there when she tries to get in contact, their banter feels less tense and more like how they usually are when Mulder does risky things. “ *scully sigh* well as of this morning i have to agree” “who’s flouting orders … you found something didn’t you” I really enjoyed this little interaction because it was so reminiscent of earlier seasons when it was them working cases. Of course then we have mulder’s “tell the kid i went down swinging”; scully’s scoff after that, SO REAL. yell at him more please. But again, it’s a lot less tense compared to where we started when Mulder came back. And more borne out of Mulder’s fixation with the x files and his unwillingness to let go of the one thing that he could always tie his identity to and less to do with their relationship specifically. 

Mulder and Scully don’t have any more proper interactions (outside case stuff) this episode, but the episode ends with Mulder leaving the x files to doggett. And I think this is partly because 1. There was obvious work put it to get mulder to soften up to doggett over the previous episodes and this whole plot line was to kinda secure that assurance in doggett as the x files agent in charge but 2. I think Mulder is finally letting himself realise that he has a role outside of the x files - his role to scully, to their child. He said it in jest, but surely verbalising “tell the kid i went down swinging” would’ve stirred something in him as well. About not being around. 

Post episode conversation headcanon - mulder and scully would’ve sat (on his couch) and spoke about why mulder took the fall, what made him want to leave. Scully would’ve expressed she still feels indebted, to him, to doggett and to the x files and their work and that she feels guilty about leaving/not being there. Mulder would’ve absolutely doubled down on scully not having to feel that way at all, she doesn’t owe him or doggett or the x files anything. She should just focus on her and the baby. And I think here is where he will finally let himself say that he wants to be there and focus on that with her as well. That beyond just caring for her and the baby, he wants to be part of this life with them. The implication will be clear enough for both of them - he wants to be involved in this baby’s life as a father, wants to be her partner in this part of their lives too.

Alone

Finally, we get to alone. I really like this episode because I think it actually establishes that Scully also had her own relationship with the x files and the work that she did. Outside of Mulder. 

In their first interaction together, Scully (again if we accept my headcanon) expresses that she feels weird about leaving. Mulder immediately jumps to “this, having a baby this..” with the implication of having the baby toGETHER (bc why would she only now feel weird about having the baby when she’s been pregnant for a while). Then he immediately relaxes when he realises it’s not that but she’s worried about leaving doggett by himself. You really do get the sense that Mulder truly feels that Scully deserves to be away from all of this (I’m sure there’s guilt in there too), but he really wants to give her the life she deserves and that’s just soooo ahhhhhhh! And then the knowing what she needs for birthing class and saying he watched a lot of oprah. That man has had his head buried in pregnancy books!!! Again, clear indication of what he intends to be to her and this baby. 

Following that, the reason Mulder takes on the case is purely because he knows Scully is worried about Doggett and wants to ease that worry. Like his usual head-assery about proving something is supernatural/extraterrestrial is not quite as strong as it usually is. And they end up helping Doggett together (her science, his wits, the usual MO) and I thought it was a nice way to wrap things up case-wise. 

And then we get to what is definitely in my top s8 scenes: mulder and scully arriving at the hospital (together!!) and doggett pointing to them going “is this it?”! The way I BEAMED watching their reaction plssss it was SOOOO married couple of them! Their glances at her belly and each other and the fucking smile on Mulder’s face - melted my whole heart!!! 

And as if that wasn’t enough, the scene of them arguing in front of agent harrison was truly top tier!!!! The way scully says “then i hugged you until you were not frozen” somehow managed to further melt my already melted heart. 

By this point, I think they are both ready to step back from the x files and focus on their family together!! Like they are so securely by each other’s side, they can joke and banter and argue in a way that’s sooo them without the underlying tension. At this episode, I honestly felt so light-hearted and like they were both finally healing and healing together, hand-in-hand. 

(and then the two-parter happened and i was hitting my head against the wall repeatedly bc wtf!!! We are gonna skip all of that bc that is its own mess to unpack. I get what they were trying to do, but it DID NOT need to happen that way at all. Because it ignored so much of mulder’s progress and scully’s agency. So anyway none of that happened in the way that it did and we arrive at the very last scene of e8 which was beautiful and perfect). 

Mulder saying that what they were worried about were the possibilities and that the truth was something they both knew was honestly sooooo PERFECT and TOP TIER! Every ounce of good writing for this two-parter went into that one line. And their kiss after was gorgeous and sweet and made me cry. 

I think that line really encapsulated their whole journey this season. It was a journey of what ifs and what nows, but at the core of it all, was mulder and scully got their miracle and got their family. And that’s all they need to believe and all they need to move forward with their son. 

(anyway thanks for reading this essay~)

[willie-the-tree]

“[Insert character name] is actually THE hero of the Rebellion!”

“[Insert character name] is actually the ONE who led to the destruction of the Death Star!”

No. And yes.

Andor (and Rogue One, for that matter) decidedly resists heroizing any SINGLE individual. There is no capital-H Hero. (I know folks are mad that Cassian wasn’t the center of the story in S2… I get that because I also love him and wanted more time with him, BUT the fact that he’s not the Hero is kinda the point.) For that matter, there’s no one capital-V Villain.

And yet, Andor is also about the tremendous power of single decisions made by individuals, for better or for worse. And how those choices and chances compound on each other in an almost impossible, definitely improbable, series of dominoes that eventually leads to massively impactful results.

Sometimes it’s a big, weighty decision that the character knows (or at least believes) is major, such as Lonni’s decision to access Dedra’s files and then share that info with Luthen. Or Bix’s decision (whatever we think about the writing choice) to leave Cassian because she thinks that’s essential to furthering the cause.

Sometimes it’s a series of decisions made over and over, such as Lonni’s continued choice to get up in the morning every day and go to work at the ISB as a mole. Or the Aldhani crew inching their plan forward just a little each day over the course of months. Or some random engineer’s daily work on the Death Star.

Sometimes it’s a decision that seems small but has unimaginably far-reaching consequences.

Sometimes these choices are made reluctantly (see: Cassian, in many cases). Sometimes the character is risking everything without knowing if that choice even matters (see: Niya).

Sometimes it’s an unconscious decision. Sometimes it’s a chance decision. Sometimes it’s a decision that is problematic in itself but has beneficial consequences in the grander scheme (see: Maarva kidnapping Kassa). Sometimes it’s a decision made with good intentions that has disastrous consequences (see: Samm bringing a blaster to the heist).

Sometimes (usually) people are messy and inconsistent with their decisions. Sometimes people and their choices are so morally gray it’s hard to even parse them (see: Galen building the Death Star but including a fatal flaw in its design).

The accumulation of all of these thousands upon thousands of decisions eventually tips the scales one way or another.

In this way, we all have agency and a part to play. We’re already playing that part, in our daily actions (or inaction). We may not ever know what impact we have.

But if we care about the light, we can’t afford to wait for some Hero to save the day.

Rep. Sarah McBride quoting her father: “If everyone has a just a little bit of courage, then no one has to be a hero.”

[dailydemonspotlight]

Dante - Day 151

Race: Fiend Occupation: Devil Hunter Alignment: Neutral, with the Devil May Cry Agency January 13th, 2025

Okay, okay, this might seem stupid, but... I wanted to cover Dante for today for one reason, and one reason alone. A joke that only made sense in my head. 151 is the amount of Pokemon there are in Gen 1, right? And people say that SMT is just demonic Pokemon, so why not cover a crossover demon from SMT for the Pokemon number? Yeah, it only worked in my head. Still! Dante! While the fact that it's DMC Dante is just a victim of a stupid bit, Dante is an incredibly interesting figure to dig into, historically speaking- he's far more than just the silly, pizza eating devil hunter that Devil May Cry fans are familiar with. I'm not gonna be talking about his appearance in DMC, as that's not really the purpose of this blog (though I do fully recommend the DMC games, they're fucking fantastic,) but I do want to talk about the man from whom Dante got his name: Dante Alighieri.

Dante Alighieri was a complicated man, to say the least. Born to a rather modest Italian family in 1265, much of his life is recorded in his poetry, as he was an avid author and poet. Betrothed and set to marry someone- a girl named Gemma Donati- at the ripe age of 12, Dante was unfortunately in love with someone completely opposite, Beatrice Portinari. While this might seem like the setup for a romance book where they get together at the end in spite of their parent's protests, Dante instead spent his time pining over Beatrice and writing poems to her, frequent sonnets contained in the text Vita Nuova. What this is relevant to might seem strained on the surface, but Vita Nuova actually also serves as an important insight to Dante and his thought process- what led him to writing his most important work, and what'll make up the majority of this analysis: The Divine Comedy.

The jokes about the Divine Comedy being a piece of Bible fanfiction aren't... inaccurate, but it's doing a slight disservice to the work to proclaim it as just that when it really does expand on biblical study and serve as a fantastic piece of literature in-and-of itself. It's an honest to god masterpiece, and the reputation it's built up is well deserved. Split up into three works- Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso- the multi-part series of poems goes into depth about the layers of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven, as well as their roles and purposes in the grander scheme of things. Driven and shown around by his mentor and main inspiration, the Roman poet Virgil, Dante walks through and experiences a heavily layered metaphor of the consequences of sins and the prizes of virtues, with Virgil serving as the voice of reason throughout.

I can't get too in depth with the work, because I've only read bits and pieces and this is more of a summary, if anything, but Dante's Inferno is where a lot of the conceptions of hell even come from- each layer being based on a deadly sin is a commonly recurring motif throughout much of literature that talks about hell, as well as the idea of the layers themselves. Shit, the layers of hell in ULTRAKILL are literally just the layers of hell in Inferno! Still, the separation of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven into layers is given a lot of weight, and while I do laugh at the fact that he kinda just put the people he doesn't like in hell and the people he does like in Heaven, the work overall serves as a multilayered metaphor for... a lot. It's incredibly complicated. Dante himself seemed to take inspiration from his own suffering and exile for the work, and it shows in how it develops and he uses it to understand his own issues- as it goes on and the comedy moves from part to part, the prose grows more beautiful and as Dante moves from Hell to Heaven, it begins to paint a picture of hope.

So, why was this guy chosen as the namesake of everyone(I think)'s favorite cocky devil hunter? I... don't know! It's probably due to the fact that Inferno is by far the most popular and influential work in the Divine Comedy, and it goes into depth about hell, demons, and devils, everything that Dante deals with on a daily basis. I personally haven't gotten very far into the DMC series (I'm only just starting 3) but from what I can tell, a lot of the literature themes seem to tie together in the whole family tree of Dante, Vergil, and later Nero. Many of the character's names are taken from poetry, after all. So, yeah. Not much else to talk about here, other than the fact that DMC is pretty coool. Also this blog is now featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series.

[corazondebeskar-reads]

you know you never stood a chance - chapter four

you know you never stood a chance series

four: beg me to take care of things

qz!Joel Miller x f!reader

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: You continue your free use arrangement with Joel in exchange for shelter, but it hits a little snag.

Warnings: qz life comes with its own warning, dub-con due to power imbalance, trading sex for shelter, free use, vaginal sex, anal play, oral sex (m&f receiving), canon-typical violence, whoops there's more plot, Joel is mean/bad at feelings, no y/n, despite what it looks like this is NOT going to follow canon

also on ao3

“Not a fucking sound,” he whispers, stifling your moan with his hand. Ellie is asleep in the next room over, but the glass of the door between you is broken. It’s the only reason he feels comfortable leaving her in that room: the sole entrance is in his line of sight.

He’s got you pinned to the grimy tile, his whole weight atop you as he fucks into your cunt. You can’t make a sound if you wanted; you can hardly draw a breath. He’s not a small man by any means. But it feels so fucking good.

It’s been weeks. Ever since you got roped into this mission, ever since you left the QZ, he hadn’t touched you once.

It hurts in the best way, though just a little past the point of pleasure. There wasn't the time for prep. But your whole body is tingling just from finally having his hands back on you, his thick cock inside you, feeling like more than just a burden.

Each slap of his hips against you is a rebirth. In the six months before you started on this horrible trek, you had known very little outside of Joel’s touch. You went to work each morning, collected rations, and came home. He’d come home an hour later, always on edge, always looking for an outlet.

For six months, you had been little more than Joel Miller’s live-in fucktoy, and honestly, it was probably the best six months of your life since the outbreak. You wanted for nothing (at least in the realities of post-apocalyptic life—in the grander scheme of things, you wouldn’t have said no to some fucking McDonald’s french fries). You had protection. You had shelter. You had company.

Well. Okay. You sort of had company. You could count on him to speak at least a few words in the evening. He almost always made sure you came, too. It had been hard at first, relying on him, but there was no use for a martyr complex these days. The only one who’d suffer by turning down assistance was, well, you.

He doesn’t make sure you cum, this time, but you think he can tell you don’t need any help. The relief of having him inside you is enough, and you can’t spare the energy to be embarrassed about it.

After he pulls out, having covered your ass in his cum, he stands up immediately, knees cracking. He tucks himself away and nudges you with the toe of his boot. “Up, get dressed.”

You scramble up, tugging your pants back into place, and watch him for a moment. His jaw is ticking, and he’s scowling at the wall behind you.

You open your mouth, and he cuts you off. “Shouldn’t have done that. Not gonna happen again.”

You’re aghast. “What?”

“Wasn’t fair of me. Y’don’t owe me anythin’ out here.”

You take a hesitant step closer. His jaw twitches again, but he doesn’t move (or look at you). “You’re still protecting me,” you offer.

“I made you come out here. Kinda have to protect you.”

“You don’t, though,” you say, feeling emboldened enough to slide your hand up his arm to his bicep.

He knocks your arm away and grabs you by the chin. “Why’d you even come? You just do whatever I say, even stupid shit?”

“Well, yeah. Didn't really have a better offer.”

“Christ.” He drops his hand from you and wipes it down his face.

“How ‘bout you get some sleep?” you say warily. The bags under his eyes are deeper and darker than ever. “I can keep watch.”

“You learn how to shoot a gun when I was takin’ a piss earlier?”

“No, but I can still keep watch. I can wake you up if anything happens.”

You’re shocked when he seems to actually consider it. It’s the safest you’ve been in weeks, here in this abandoned high-rise. There are no signs of Infected or hunters.

“Fine.” He grunts. “But you wake me if there’s any sound. I don’t care if you think it’s a rat or the wind. You fuckin’ wake me, understand?”

“Yes, sir,” you joke. Something darkens behind his eyes just for a moment, until he blinks it away. You file that away for later.

He hands you a pistol and a knife, just in case. Not that you’ll know what to do with either, but he can’t just leave you unarmed. You nod, understanding passing between you.

He sucks on his front teeth, staring at you for a moment like he wants to say something. You’re not sure you want to hear it, though, so you say, “Goodnight, Joel.”

Nothing happens. You stand, leaning against the door frame, Joel’s pistol in your hands. Despite his paranoia, there’s not even a squeak out of place, and he sleeps for four full hours before getting up. He moves more nimbly than he has since, well. Since Tess.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious to know what was between them. She had, after all, seemed very aware of what function you served to Joel, but there was no jealousy in her eyes. Maybe when he fucked her, it was like making love, and she was fine to leave all the rough, angry moments for you to absorb.

Or maybe it was nothing. It hardly mattered, and she was nice to you, so you respected her memory by leaving it alone.

Though you do wonder if that’s why he wouldn’t touch you anymore.

Dawn hasn’t broken, and Ellie is still asleep. When he comes out to check on you, you offer the only other comfort you can.

When you sink to your knees, he closes his eyes for just a moment and sighs. “Yeah, okay,” he says. His body had worked ahead of his brain, already undoing the button on his jeans, and he lets you ease him into the morning.

After, when he helps you stand, he holds you against him for a moment, and even presses a kiss into your hair almost absentmindedly. You figure maybe he’s forgotten his promise that it would never happen again.

And he does, for a little while.

When you first moved into his apartment, it was so incredibly awkward. Like, worse than a school dance awkward. Worse than walking in on your sister getting railed by some scrawny FEDRA officer awkward.

Eventually, you tracked his habits and rhythms and used the information to stay out of his way. You stopped wearing underwear when you were home, as it ended up on the floor anyway. After a while, he just started leaving you a couple of his shirts, and you gave up on sweatpants entirely.

You’d be lying if you said you were uncomfortable, and he tended to leave the shirt on you when he fucked you, so there was no need for dressing and undressing.

He left first in the morning and came home last, so the key quickly became your responsibility. He had shoved it into your hand the second evening.

“I’m leavin’ for a couple days. Lock the apartment. Don’t talk to anyone, and don’t tell anyone I’m gone.”

Before he left that evening, he ordered you to your knees and fucked your throat, wiping away the tears after he finished. “Be good,” he said, dragging his knuckles down your cheek.

And then he was gone. You locked the door behind him and sat on the dingy carpet, legs folded pretzel-style. The yellow fluorescent bulb overhead had a faint pulse to it, a barely-there dimming and brightening that started to hurt your eyes. What the fuck were you supposed to do here, in this flat you were haunting?

You didn’t dare look around. You ate the rations you had earned and left everything else alone. You knew there were pills, guns, and alcohol somewhere. You weren’t keen on learning where, though. Plausible deniability and all that.

Joel came home in the middle of the night three days later. The key issue became apparent when he had to pound on the door until you woke up to let him in.

“New plan,” he snarled when he came in. “From now on, when I’m gone, I’m lockin’ you in here until I get back.”

“Fuck no,” you said.

“The fuck did you say to me?” he said, stalking closer.

“What if you don’t come back soon enough? What if I fuckin’ run out of food?”

“You think I’d go to all this trouble to keep you safe and then let ya die in here?”

“I don’t know!” Your heart struggled to keep up with your irrational fury, and stumbled at his words. Why did he go to all this trouble? You were about to ask, but of course, he ruined it.

“What good’s your pussy to me then, huh?” He was chest-to-chest with you, towering with a venomous glare.

“I don’t know, Miller, you’re kind of a creep. Maybe you’re into that.”

“I’m a creep, huh? Then why are you so wet?”

You flushed, heat crawling across your cheeks and ears. “Who says I’m wet?”

It was the wrong thing to say. He pinned you against the door and shoved your pants down, plunging three fingers right into your cunt. You yelped at the stretch and pinch, but had nowhere to go, nowhere to run, as he brought them up to your face, coated in slick.

“Looks pretty wet to me,” he said, the words rumbling from somewhere deep and dark within. “Open.”

You did. God help you, you did. He smirked and pressed his fingers in, wiping them on your tongue.

“Suck,” he murmured.

You closed your lips around him and sucked until your cheeks hollowed around them, saliva leaking from the corners of your mouth. He pulled his fingers out and patted your cheek with the same hand, leaving a wet trail behind.

“Go get on the fuckin’ bed.”

"Which bed is the fucking bed?" you said before you could control yourself, and darted into his room before he could register your words.

You were hardly in position when his hands gripped the sides of your hips, and he licked into your cunt. “Fuckin’ slut, trying to say ya weren’t wet and waitin’ for me,” he grumbled, and nipped at your thigh before diving back in.

Your orgasm came embarrassingly quickly. His derisive chuckle brushed against your clit, which he sucked at until you were spent.

“Seems like ya missed me,” he said, standing and wasting no time before stuffing his cock in. “Well? Did ya?”

You didn’t answer, whining into the sheets as he set a slow but harsh pace, slamming in only to draw back out inch by inch.

He slapped your ass, watching it ripple. “Don’t be rude, sweetheart.”

“Oh, were you gone?” you huffed between thrusts.

He brought his hand down again. “What did I just fuckin’ say?”

“Y’know, come to think of it,” you couldn’t stop yourself, couldn’t shut up, “there was a distinct lack of grouchy old creeps hanging around.”

He grabbed your hair and craned your neck back so you could see the way his eyes were blown dark, teeth bared. “Watch yourself, sweetheart. I’ve had a real bad couple of days. Here I thought I was comin’ home to a sweet cunt.”

You opened your mouth, though you didn’t feel a retort dancing on your tongue. You figured by the time you came up with it, you’d have already said it.

He didn’t give you the chance. His other hand came up, and he hooked two fingers into your cheek. The hand in your hair released to dip into your mouth, swiping his thumb through the pooling saliva. He dragged it down and pressed the wet thumb into the cleft of your ass, firm pressure against your tight hole.

You were breathing heavily around his fingers, back arched. He didn’t stop fucking into you, hissing as you clamped down when his thumb pushed in, just enough to make you feel the pressure.

“Awfully quiet now,” he drawled. “You just needed all your holes filled, huh?”

You thought you might die from the humiliation, if only the pleasure didn’t take you first. You squirmed, pushing back into him.

He jostled your head by pinching the fingers in your mouth and shaking your cheek. “You gonna be quiet if I take these out?”

You nodded. He withdrew the fingers and brought the hand down to your hip, holding you steady so he could chase his orgasm. Each rough thrust knocked a quiet cry from your lips, and he pulled away from your asshole to tangle his fingers in your hair, pulling your head back again.

The kiss was mostly teeth and spit, but it was euphoric. He felt the way you tightened and tensed, and he smiled against your lips. “Cum for me,” he said, and licked into your mouth to gobble up your scream.

When you convulsed on his cock, he lost control, and almost didn’t pull out in time. He spilled against the bed, swearing deep and low.

That memory and the many others get you through the lonely nights on the journey, your hand down your pants and gasps muffled around your fist when you can catch a moment alone. If Joel notices, he doesn’t show it. Except tonight, when you look back on it, you realize he was only making good on his promise not to let you rot in his apartment. Whatever delusions you had about being brought along get left behind in the shitty high rise.

next chapter

*title from "Send the Pain Below" by Chevelle.

[roz-ani]

One issue I don't quite get and want to briefly comment on is the idea that Alastor has to be either an old-school villain who's just evil for the sake of being evil, or more of an antagonist with actual depth, emotions, and traumatic backstory to explain his actions, letting the audience relate to him. I think we're going to extremes here. We don't have to go, "Oh, I understand why he would do that". The main goal is for us to say, "Oh, so that's his deal".

While we don't know exactly what Alstor's deal is, what the exact terms of his contract are etc., he is, without a doubt, the most complex character in the show. He's in a unique position since he technically helps Charlie achieve her goal, but it's obvious he's in it for selfish reasons, with some grander scheme going on behind the scenes. May he eventually be the one the main cast will have to fight at some point? Sure. Would it be even more fun because he is a part of the said cast? Absolutely.

Let's get one thing straight: Alastor is evil. He's in Hell for a good reason. He's a cannibal and a serial killer. And I know we can absolutely forgive characters for doing the absolute worst, but he is not a good person. And yes, you can like (and simp for) evil characters. (If you think being a fan of intriguing fictional creations makes you a terrible person, you need to get off twitter and tiktok to actually interact with real people.) At the same time, the finale of season 1 simply made it clear that Al does have depth, and that he's going to be a three-dimensional character. Not that his actions are going to be suddenly justified.

But why can't we explore evil characters while enjoying them and letting them be evil? We can. Alastor started his carnage in Hell before making his deal, so it's not the main reason behind his less-than-questionable actions. For now, he's looking for freedom so he can (re)gain power and be in control again. At the same time, he is growing attached to the other characters. I highly doubt he'll be redeemed; we'll just learn more about him, his backstory, and his goals.

Can you even call Al an antagonist? If you ask me, he's more of an anti-hero. Heck, do we know who he is? Not really, and that's the point. He's one of the main characters, but he makes himself separate in both the story and the writing. He's a wild card.

We don't know what's coming for the Radio Demon in season 2. The first one established that there's more to him and that he started growing fond of the other characters, while the finale made Al realise it almost got him killed. He was humiliated and it reminded him even more that he's still under someone else's control. At least, that's how I see it. Alastor may become more sinister as the story progresses, and as he's getting more and more desperate to free himself of the contract. AT THE SAME TIME, he did come back to the Hotel with a smile and consent for a group hug, so it's not like he's going to blow it up in the first episode. He's not against the Hotel itself. He's doing his own thing, knowing that the titular establishment is an inherent part of his story. All paths lead to the Hazbin Hotel. My guess is that he will simply become more active.

Alastor is already a three-dimensional character; there is no doubt about that. But it's not like he's getting reckoned here. I don't really understand where this notion of our Radio Demon being an old-school villain came from in the first place. He's always been a mystery. Okay, maybe in the pilot it was not so clear-cut, and I'll admit, it would be fun to just see the Radio Demon as a powerful entity overlooking the hotel for his own pleasure. Turning him into a villain later on? Meh, depends on what would happen in the story if that were the case. Watching Jack Horner in "Puss in Boots", reminded me how much I missed villains that were not an initial antagonist's evil-incarnate-superior. However, it was quite quickly established that there is more to Alastor. He would have to appear pretty rarely to not go through any character arc in a show with such an ambitious storyline as Hazbin Hotel (and what a delightful character would we lose if that was the direction the writing team would have taken?). I would mention the pacing actually harming that development, but it's clear this is the show's biggest problem, and we just have to take things for granted.

If anything, Alastor is being restrained from being purely evil. To me, he's a combination of both of the character types I mentioned at the beginning, leaning more toward the well-developed anti-hero. Just let evil characters be evil and three-dimensional.