#at least not while i live in calgary

[rattkachuk]

lovers

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTM: Erin/Julius; cosmic vertigo

For the prompt: More Erin and Julius understanding each other on a deep level

“Have you ever thought about the universe?” Julius says.

“I get a headache whenever I do, so I mostly try to avoid it,” Erin says, then, feeling Julius’ eyes on her, “Yeah, I guess. You’ve got to narrow it down a little from ‘literally everything in existence’ for me to figure out what you're getting at, though.”

“How things — change, I guess,” Julius says. “How if something went just a little differently, your life could be completely different too.”

“So like alternate universes,” Erin says, relieved. That’s much less likely to give her a headache. Not unlikely, but thinking about what, exactly, exists past forever? What a constantly expanding universe is expanding into? The last time Erin let herself think about it too long she ended up with a migraine. Possibly a coincidence, but she’s not risking it. That thing lasted two days.

“Yes,” Julius says. “If I was drafted one pick higher, or lower, I would never have come to Edmonton.”

“And you wouldn’t have met Jared, and therefore me, and neither of us would be lying in this bed right now talking about the universe,” Erin says. “Something like that?”

“Something like that,” Julius echoes, then gazes at her for a long moment, not speaking.

“Stop measuring how good a consolation prize I am,” Erin says. Doesn’t matter how great he thinks she is: nobody’s great enough to make up for the pain and suffering of playing for the Edmonton Oilers.

Julius’ mouth quirks, like she’s said it out loud.

“You’re alright,” he says.

“Thanks,” Erin says. “I do my best.”

“Worth coming here,” Julius says.

“Let’s not get too crazy here,” Erin says.

Under the covers, Julius finds where she’s laced her hands on her stomach and prises the nearest away so he can lace his own fingers through it, that hand thief. She likes to sleep like she’s in a coffin and he knows that. Still, she supposes she can lend it to him for a little while.

“Feeling philosophical tonight, are we?” Erin asks.

She doesn’t have to ask why: he’s going back to Finland in two days. Only for a month, before he flies back to Alberta to train with Jared and his buds in Calgary. She doesn’t have to ask why for that either. Dude isn’t going to train in a city he’s never even lived in, a city that hates his guts, just because he misses her brother, though she’s sure Jared would argue otherwise. She won’t make him say it.

“I can come,” Erin says. “If you want me to. I can come.”

Julius blows out a breath. “Next time,” he says.

“Sure,” Erin says. “It’s not — it doesn’t expire or anything. Standing offer. I mean, unless I have something else going on. Then you’re shit out of luck.”

“I will make sure your schedule is clear,” Julius says.

“Thanks,” Erin says. “Thoughtful of you.”

“Would you like your hand back?” Julius says. Erin doesn’t think she’s imagining the reluctance. A month’s not really a long time if the universe is your scale, but if it isn’t, well. It’s long enough.

“That’s okay,” Erin says. “You can have it a bit longer.”

*

So the thing is, when Erin told Julius she’d go to Finland with him, well — it isn’t that she didn’t mean it, because she did, it’s just that she sort of figured that at some point between her saying that and him taking her up on it, she might just spontaneously get past her fear of flying.

Except, fear is such a strong word, isn’t it? She’s fine. She’s been on planes without dying. She even hopped on a plane to see the Canucks host the Oilers — would someone with a lifelong fear of planes do that?

And yeah, sure, it was only ninety minutes, and by the time she quit telling herself that they probably weren't all going to die — but if they did, they better not fuck up and identify her as Bryce’s girlfriend in all the death announcements — they’d pretty much already begun the descent.

Then, once she was done a new recital of how they probably weren't to die — at least they’d better not, because Bryce would feel so guilty about inviting her — they were taxiing to the gate.

And while, like, statistically, that was one of the most dangerous times, like how parking lots and the kilometre around your house are the places you’re most likely to get into an accident, it’s hard to work up the same panic when you’re like, twenty feet in the air instead of twenty thousand.

The flight back wasn’t too bad either, and by the end of the trip, she thought she might have even gotten over that whole fear of flying thing.

She was incorrect.

The thing is, she actually did okay on the flight to Toronto. It helped that it was first thing in the morning, and apparently sleepiness beats out panic, a fact she’s going to be taking advantage of in the future. She genuinely thought she'd reached the other side of it, but the flight to Amsterdam has quickly proven her wrong.

Planes aren’t supposed to shake. And dip! She swears they started to drop out of the sky at one point. Julius said that it was a normal amount of turbulence, but frankly, no turbulence is normal, is it? Sure, it can be a typical amount of turbulence, but normal? They’re in a metal tube in the sky, being thrown around by wind. Erin does not consider any of that to be normal.

“You didn’t tell me you don’t like flying,” Julius says, so quietly Erin can hardly hear him over the almost deafening plane sound nobody else seems to be bothered by. Erin thinks that’s pretty big of him, considering she’s had his hand in a death grip since the turbulence began, and she hasn’t relinquished it even now that it’s finally stopped. In his shoes, she’d probably be going with ‘you know these hands make millions, right?’.

Money that means she’s flying in comfort, if not…comfort. For some reason, Erin thought it’d be easier to deal with things in business class. She doesn’t know why — in a plane crash, the front of the plane is the least likely to survive. But hey, at least Erin got free champagne.

The champagne didn’t help. She hadn’t really thought it would, but she’d been hoping.

“Oh, I don’t know if I’d say I don’t like it,” Erin says. It comes out in a voice she's never heard in her entire life, so perky it’s almost shrill.

“Something stronger?” Julius asks, looking about as disturbed by Stepford Erin as she is. She doesn’t know if he’s talking about the word she’d use or the next drink she should have, but either way the answer's probably yes.

“Do you want your hand back?” Erin asks. It’s not so much an offer as a genuine question, because she’s not sure her hand will unclench for long enough to release it, and she’d probably grab it again the next time the plane started rocking, though maybe she can figure something else out. Grab his thigh or something. It also makes him millions, but it can probably hold up to the abuse a little better.

“You can have it the entire flight if you need,” Julius says. “And for the others.”

Erin’s really, really been trying not to think about the fact there are more flights after this one. Plural.

“Might make it hard to eat,” Erin says. He has the window seat — no fucking way she wants to see just how high up they are, even though she already intellectually knows it — and she’s had custody of his right hand since take off.

“I can figure it out,” Julius says, stroking his thumb over her knuckles. It isn’t quite relaxing — nothing is, right now, not with that damn plane noise — but it’s, you know, not not relaxing, which makes it better than pretty much everything in the world at the moment. It makes Erin’s eyes prickle.

“I know it’s irrational,” Erin says. “I’m well aware of all the statistics, and that it’s safer than basically every kind of transportation. I know. It’s ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous.”

“We can drive,” Julius says. “When we get to Helsinki. We can drive instead. Or take the train.”

Erin tips her head back, trying to keep the tears from spilling. That still leaves Amsterdam to Helsinki, but one flight is better than two. “How long a drive is it?” Erin says.

“Does it matter?” Julius asks.

Erin shakes her head, and when they fall, she swipes at them with her free hand.

“We can drive,” Julius says, thumb tracing back and forth, and Erin focuses on it, the slow sweep of his skin against hers, until the flight attendant comes, asking if they’d like something to drink.

“Champagne,” Erin says. “Please.”

“Two,” Julius says, even though he didn’t even finish his first. “Please.”

“What are we celebrating?” the flight attendant chirps, and Erin stares up at her, unable to muster even a weak smile. Beside her, Julius must be pulling out the ‘dumb fucking question’ face he gives reporters, because the flight attendant says, bright and fake as Stepford Erin, “Two glasses of champagne,” then hurries on to the next seats.

“People,” Julius murmurs, and Erin slides down, twisting in her seat until she can put her head on his shoulder. Probably makes it harder than she needs to, since she refuses to give up Julius’ hand the entire time, but he doesn’t complain, just keeps up the slow sweep of his thumb, and when she finally makes herself comfortable — or, as comfortable as she can, considering the circumstances — he kisses her hair.

“Sorry about stealing your hand,” Erin says. She really hopes he doesn’t think it’s an offer to give it back, because he’ll be disappointed.

“That’s okay,” Julius says. “I don’t need it for my job or anything.”

Erin decides to hold on a little tighter, just for that.

[justrainandcoffee]

Non, je ne regrette rien (Eames x fem!oc)

Masterlist

Summary: I regret nothing, sang Edith Piaf. Jasmine Prince wished she could say the same. It happened five years ago when she was still living in Los Angeles. It wasn't on purpose, it just happened even when it shouldn't have because Eames was her sister' ex. More than sister, her twin.|| For the past two years she has been living in Paris. She liked France, nothing disturbed her peace. Until that day when heading to her back home, she found him.

Warnings: Mention of sex. Guilt.

Words: 2.1 K || Finally I found a good plot to start this story.

2005.

Sophia was her best friend, her confident, her accomplice, her sibling… her fucking twin. And Jasmine did what it was forbidden, not by law, but by the moral compass. She kissed and she fucked Sophia's ex.

The fact that she was drunk didn't justify a shit. She knew what she was doing, she let him seduce her.

Sophia was back in Canada, where they were born and lived for over a decade ago with their parents, and Jasmine stayed in Los Angeles studying.

Her twin met Eames in 2001, when a mutual friend introduced Sophia to him. It was attraction at first sight. Sophia was beautiful and God gifted her with grace and a charming personality.

By that time the twins were 21 and Eames 26 and the first time Jasmine heard his name when Sophia described him as "weird". Weird but hot, she said. But it was obvious that Eames had caused a good impression on her. And Jasmine knew her sister very well to know that it was matter of time before she claimed that he was in love with that boy.

And for the next two years, they were a couple even when sometimes Sophia felt a bit insecure for his constant trips around the world. But sooner or later he returned to her and Jasmine was sure that Eames was never unfaithful. Or at least he didn't seem to be one of those guys.

She did remember very well the first time she saw him. His hairstyle, his clothes… Eames was the kind of man that she, Jasmine, could never have chosen. That was one of the things that the twins didn't have in common. Their taste in men was very different. As for the rest, they were quite similar.

Both twins had the same height, similar weight and both had the same dark blonde hair colour, except that Jasmine used to dye her hair of different colours. The only natural difference between them were the eyes colour: while Sophia's eyes were green, Jasmine's ones were hazel.

Eames and Sophia lasted two years, till 2003, together before splitting definitely. The last six months of their relationship it was awful to say the least. They tried, and failed, to be together but the constant arguments were tiring both of them. Jasmine was the one who comfort her sister when Eames left the country to move to London. Despite everything, she loved him.

It took over six months to be herself again but Sophia was ready to leave everything behind her and start a new life in their native country. Their city, Calgary in Alberta, was a beautiful place and Sophia needed a change.

And two years later she was still living there.

Mariah Carey was sounding when Jasmine approached the bartender to ask him for another cocktail. She was there with some colleagues celebrating a birthday. It was a small group, only five, but they were having fun. Hearing her name for sure surprised her but not as much when she saw who it was.

There was him, his former brother-in-law, with a bottle of beer in his hand and that typical smile of his.

They greeted each other cordially, despite her sister cried after Eames left the country, Jasmine didn't hate him nor was resentful towards him. And neither was Sophia.

Maybe if her boss hadn't started to flirt with with one of Eames friends the same moment they were greeting each other after those years, then Jasmine hadn't been forced to spend time with him. Because the moment her boss did that, both groups of friends become one.

And it was good. The music was great, the cocktails were amazing and the anecdotes people were telling there were fun.

Eames invited her to dance. 2005 seemed to be a good year for the Black Eyed Peas and they were sounding when he took her hand.

Oh, twins were the fantasy of many. And Eames was too quick-witted to be oblivious to it. It was his first thought as soon as Sophia told him that she had a twin. It was a thought that crossed his mind, joked with Sophia about it and in return she smacked his arm. Jasmine was out of the deal. He knew that and a soon as he met the mentioned sister he understood what Sophia meant. Apart from that, Jasmine become a good friend of his and he loved Sophie.

But that was two years ago. Four if he counted the moment he met his ex. All Eames knew now was that the other twin was dancing with him, that his hands were on her hips and that he was lost in her hair that in 2005 was magenta.

Jasmine was sure she wasn't flirting because she could never do that, not even if she was slightly drunk. Not to Sophie, her goddamn twin! She was just dancing feeling the Black Eyed Peas rhythm. Just dancing, right? Not flirting. It wasn't her fault that music was sexy.

But she didn't stop him when she felt his lips on her neck, either.

Jasmine didn't know what happened with Eames those years but he was… bigger. His arms, his back... Eames was different and she noticed the change even under the intoxication that the alcohol provoked to her. The worst part was that now she liked what she had in front of her. So, not hearing her common sense, she put her lips on his.

Eames wasted no time in pushing her to him, reciprocating her kiss. She tasted like strawberry daiquiri. And tasted like the forbidden should taste: amazing. Sinfully delicious.

For a moment her brain cells synapsed and she pulled away from him. "It's wrong," Jasmine said.

"We can stop if you want," two of his fingers were caressing her lower back so slowly that she felt she was going to collapse.

"Eames, don't you think that…?"

"No, I don't think so," he replied kissing her.

So she let him. Jasmine let her future self deal with the consequences of that night. When finally they found an empty sofa they sat there where they continue making out.

There's an implicit code, law, whatever you want to name it, between good friends, siblings but even more between twins. Because no matter what he or she is your other half. Your twin is the most important person in the world and in the moment that Jasmine kissed Eames she broke the most important code she had.

For the past year and a half, Jasmine had been lonely. Without Sophia, something changed in her. Probably because it was the first time in 25 years that she wasn't with her at all hours. And her love life was a succession of horrible dates and waste of time. All she had was her work. It was a pathetic excuse, she knew that. But it was true that she needed something like that. Like him.

By the end of the night, Eames was going with her to her apartment. A rented place that it was cheaper that it should be but she wasn't going to complain about it.

He asked her again if she was sure and once again she answer him, with a kiss.

The floor was decorated now with his shirt, her trousers and boots and over the small bed were both of them.

"Jas," whispered Eames thrusting her for the first time, she let out a quiet moan. Her legs were around his hips and her eyes were closed.

They were identical, not counting the colour of their hair and eyes, but there was something about Jasmine that Sophia didn't have. But Eames didn't know what it was yet.

After her second orgasm and that Eames finished, too. Her lips found his one last time before falling asleep. She didn't hear him say how beautiful she was.

Eames was still there the next morning when she woke up. His muscular arm was around her waist and his usually combed hair was completely disheveled. Her head hurt, she was thirsty and the sunlight bothered her. She didn't need to be an actual doctor to know that she was suffering from a hangover.

When Jasmine went to the bathroom she drank two glasses of water before looking herself in the mirror. All she could see when she looked at herself was the reflection of her sister. Looking at her, judging her.

You fucked my ex boyfriend.

Kissing him was bad enough. But having sex was completely unforgivable. She betrayed Sophia.

Never in her life she felt so dirty. She hated herself. Those kind of things were unforgivable.

"Jas?" The his voice from the other side of the door made her jump. "Are you there?"

"Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," she lied. "Eames, you should go."

"Jas, can we talk, sweetheart?"

"Don't call me sweetheart, Eames! We can't talk! Just go!"

"Not until we talk like the adults we are."

Jasmine sighed and opened the door. She thanked that he was dressed by now. "Why didn't you stop me?"

"I tried. I asked if you wanted to continue, you said yes. I asked again, you kissed me. I kissed you. I didn't want to stop, but I was aware that maybe you were going to regret it. So I asked again. By the time we arrived here I asked a fifth time and your answer was another kiss. Jas, it just happened. We are adults, we agree. I loved your sister but I didn't see her in two years and the last months of our relationship were awful and you know that. I didn't expect this to happen, but it happened."

"I don't know if you have siblings and I don't care, Eames. But I do have one: Sophie. And I love her! I love my sister… but. You don't understand, do you? It's my fault, I was vulnerable, I needed a good night… just go, Eames. I'm the one who's going to deal with the consequences."

"It can be our secret."

Jasmine looked at him and bit her lower lip. There wasn't any secrets between the sisters. Sophie knew about from Jas' first crush when she was 12, to her first time when she was 20. All their lives they shared everything, even now that they were miles and miles away from each other.

"Just go, Eames."

"I don't regret it, if you want to know. I regret nothing," he said before leaving her apartment and leaving inside a very upset, sad and guilty Jasmine Prince.

2010. Five years later. Paris.

"Mercy," she said to the barista who sold her a cup of coffee and two croissants before going back to her home, after a long day of work.

It was cloudy, but it wasn't raining yet. Jasmine sat in an old bench watching the pigeons and people. Paris was a beautiful place, probably the most beautiful place she ever lived in.

Two and a half years ago she left North America and now was living in the old continent. She had a small dental clinic and even when in the beginning was a bit difficult now she had her patients and new more call asking for an appointment every day. Her new apartment was nice and her ferrets, Lyra and Orion, were a constant source of entertainment. She couldn't complain.

After finishing her coffee and croissants, she stood up from the bench ready to finally go home.

Paris was a very cosmopolitan city and she was used to hear people speaking different languages. But she stopped suddenly when she heard them talking her mother tongue. It wasn't the fact that she heard three men speaking English, it was the fact that she recognized the voice of one of them.

Billions and billions of people living in this world and he was there. Right in front of her.

"We need to go, Eames. Ariadne needs to finish her…" a blond man with blue eyes stopped talking and now was looking at Eames and at the woman who was standing in front of them.

Near them, a street musician picked up his violin to start playing the very famous song in exchange for some money.

Non, je ne regrette rien…

"Jas…"

___

NEXT

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Elizabeth Gaskell - Mary Barton, North and South, and Wives and Daughters

Over the past year I’ve read Elizabeth Gaskell’s Mary Barton, North and South, and Wives and Daughters, and I wanted to try to pull together some of my thoughts about these books and how they relate to each other.

Elizabeth Gaskell was a rough contemporary of the Brontës (and a friend and biographer of Charlotte Brontë), but outlived them all. These three novels were published in 1848, 1855, and 1866 respectively; Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre were published in 1847.

The three novels follow, in my opinion, a rough trajectory of decreasing radicalism, but (in some respects) increasing skill as a writer. Mary Barton is the most intensely socially conscious, and in my opinion Gaskell does a better job of writing a engaging novel on the behalf of the working class than Dickens often does - the writing is tighter and more engaging, and the working-class characters more nuanced and textured. (For context, all the Dickens I’ve read is A Christmas Carol, A Tale of Two Cities, Oliver Twist, and Great Expectations.) The book is scattered throughout with caveats - for example, that factory-owners feasting while workers starve may not be a fact, but that it is something workers can understandably feel to be true - that show how aware Gaskell was that it would be controversial. It was written before - but published during - the Revolutions of 1848 in Europe, and Gaskell even goes so far as the reference the revolutions in her preface to the book:

“To myself the idea which I have formed of the state of feeling among too many of the factory-people in Manchester, and which I endeavoured to represent in this tale (completed above a year ago), has received some confirmation from the events which have so recently occurred among a similar class on the Continent.

OCTOBER, 1848

(Charlotte Brontë appears to have been affected by the revolutions of 1848 in a very different way; her novel Shirley, published in 1849, is fairly strongly anti-worker and pro-factory-owner, portraying anyone who protests against the treatment of workers as a drunk or a troublemaker.)

While it has its meldoramatic elements, Mary Barton is on the whole a sympathetic depiction of a Manchester working-class family and their friends. In the opening chapters, some of the arguments of conservatives are dealt with deftly rather than by direct assault. The depiction of the two central families in comparatively better times shows what ‘luxuries’ were to working-class people - some slices of ham, a bit of butter, a bit of sugar, a dinner-party between friends, a handful of pretty objects around the house - in a way that undermines conservative claims that poverty was due to overspending in good times rather than saving for bad. There’s a varied cast of characters - some more idealized or archetypal in typical Victorian style, but most of them three-dimensional, human, and engaging. (Some of them - including both developed ones and archetypal ones - made me wonder if Gaskell ever read Les Misérables, and if so what she thought of it.)

This makes some elements of North and South frustrating by comparison. While working-class women in Mary Barton (at least some of them) are living, breathing people, the sole working-class woman in North and South is a Victorian archetype, a chronically ill girl who speaks in Bible verses and dies to prompt the redemption arcs of other characters. It’s evident that Gaskell got blowback for Mary Barton and was pressured to provide a more ‘balanced’ perspective in North and South - it’s telling that being ‘balanced’ meant reducing the humanity and complexity of working-class characters.

I will be blunt: I do not like John Thornton. He talks too much like a Calgary oilman resenting big government for daring to impose basic environmental and working standards. He makes a template of conservative arguments that endure to this day - that he’s a self-made-man and any working-class person could do what he did, if they had the grit and gumption. He’d rather go bankrupt than allow his workers to unionize. And he does not undergo a ‘redemption arc’ or change of heart on this - rather, the worker who supports unionization undergoes a ‘redemption arc’ to realize that unions are bad! What John Thornton does learn is that 1) using inexperienced imported scab workers rather than experienced and knowledgeable workers gets you a crappy product and 2) he can talk to his workers and plan out some basic reforms to improve their lives a little.

That said, one major improvement in North and South is that the relationship between Margaret Hale and John Thornton is much better written than the relationship of the title character in Mary Barton. Mary’s involves her abruptly (and unconvincingly) realizing she’s in love with a man who has been pursuing her throughout the book and whom she has been doing her utmost to discourage, and has never shown any interest in. Margaret and John’s is developed over time and with more complexity, and in a way that is far more compelling and convincing - probably what makes North and South more popular than the others.

Wives and Daughters is another sort of book entirely - gentler and less melodramatic (and with fewer major character deaths - though there’s a notable death toll among side characters), set in the countryside and in the past, and more a social comedy/dramedy with a side of romance. The class commentary as regards the working class is almost gone - the main characters are a combi ation of middle-class people and lower-level gentry. It is, in a sense, more Austenian in its gentle satire of the foibles of its cast of characters, interspersed with some more dramatic moments; or more like some of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s books that combine romance with poking gentle fun at the various characters of small-town life. But the characters are more nuanced and less archetypal, and the moral lessons mostly less pointed, than in the two previous books, and the main character’s challenges and struggles are of a more grounded nature. (There’s a side character, Cynthia, who particularly interests me and whom I might do a separate post on.) You can see the improvement in Gaskell’s writing; you can also see that she’s stepped away from politics. (The romance isn’t as good as North and South though.) The main theme that could be considered political is that good, solid, practical knowledge, hard work, courage, and honesty are preferable to any amount of upper-class ‘refinement’. The worst crime any major character commits is to be shallow and annoying.

Here’s one interesting case of a contrast between Wives and Daughters and Gaskell’s earlier work. In Mary Barton, Mary is pursued by - and actively interested in - a factory-owner’s son, a man outside of her own social class, and this is portrayed as a serious moral fault that precipitates some of the book’s major events. In Wives and Daughters, there is a much more socially unequal marriage between two side characters, and the lower-class woman is not treated as bad or faulty for it, but the plot gets into some of the complications of the match (the husband is afraid of disinheritance if he reveals the marriage to his father, and in that case would have no ability to support his wife abd child due to being gentry with no useful skills; the husband dies; there’s some personality and culture clash between the wife and his family in the aftermath, but ultimately it works out). In the more melodramatic Mary Barton, a woman accepting attentions from a mich higher-ranking man is a major issue of moral character; in the more grounded Wives and Daughters, it’s a matter of practical challenges entailed by the match.

(Gaskell died before finishing Wives and Daughters, but it’s close enough to finished that you can easily see the briad strokes of how everything’s going to wrap up.)

I’d recommend all the of the books; they’re all worth reading if you like 1800s literature. Though, being from the 1800s, they do all have some moments and sentiments that are jarring to the 21st-century reader.

[msmargaretmurry]

QUESTION ABOUT HAW do Matthew and Leon ever get married, and if so, who asks who, how does it come about, etc?

i have always assumed they would eventually!! but almost definitely not until after at least one of them retires, although they will be talking about it for a while before then. i haven't thought about it super in detail, but the logistics are something like

matthew is obviously in calgary for four more years after haw, and leon is going to re-sign in edmonton when his contract is up, on a contract that's a few years longer than what matthew has left, then when matthew's contract is up he'll pull the kind of sign-and-trade he did irl to get to a team where they'll both be happy spending their old man hockey years, so he can lowkey manipulate them into having cap space for leon when the time comes, lmao.

so they don't want to get married until they can live together year-round anyway, and also they didn't want to get married while they still had to be super low-key about being together, which they'd still be doing at that point, because they didn't want to risk the team being weird about signing players who are in a relationship. but once they're established on their old man sancutuary team together they'll gradually start giving far fewer fucks about that 😂

anyway they will have started talking about getting married before they move to the same team -- leon brings it up first, not in a proppsal way, just in a very matter-of-fact way one day, i think maybe when matthew is coming to the end of his calgary contract and is stressed about it -- about picking the perfect team, about moving even farther away from leon -- and leon is like, hey. it'd gonna be fine. i love you. no matter what happens i'm still gonna marry you one day so it'll be fine.

and then they spend several years in this state of occasionally talking about marriage but not formally engaged -- to the point where they're, like, discussing theoretical timeframes and venues and wedding parties. matthew is the one who finally proposes properly, during the summer after their first season on the same team, down on one knee and everything, and he's like, "i don't know if this is even necessary at this point but i wanted to say this [sappy, clearly practiced little speech about how much he loves leon and how much loving leon has changed him for the better]"

just because he's older i think leon would retire first -- maybe a couple seasons earlier than planned, because some injury just won't heal right. they had originally said they'd get married when they both retire but matthew's like, hey do you wanna just get married THIS summer. you can be my wag :)"

so they do. and brady cries during his best man speech

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.

while the absolute horror continues to bombard palestine - the nonstop bombings, the dead bodies in the street and trapped under rubble those living can no longer get to, the restriction of health care, newborn babies left to die, starvation and thirst, literal sewage in the streets spreading disease, all of this in gaza and even in the west bank, the increased bombings there and raids - daily, meanwhile, here in canada, we apparently have nothing fucking better to do then arrest people for using pro-palestine chants under the guise of it being hate motivated.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

I wish this was a fucking joke, but no. a protestor in calgary was arrested for using 'from the river to the sea, palestine will be free.' apparently the cops stopped by to 'inform' the protestors what chants were allowed and what were ~no no's~ which included 'from the river to the sea', and when a protestor used it anyway (because it's NOT FUCKING HATE SPEECH) they arrested him. for calling for the freedom of people under an occupation.

this is canada, supposedly one of the most free places to be (built atop the blood of indigenous people but anyways). but with pro-israel propaganda and the weaponizing of anti-semitism being repeated by our media and leaders, shit like this happens.

someone tell me right now where in the phrase 'from the river to the sea, palestine will be free' there is a call for an extermination of jewish people. look me in the fucking eyes and try to find where in that call for freedom it shows hatred for jews. this is fucking pathetic. this is a call for freedom. this is a call for liberation of a people who've been oppressed and assaulted for years, since before both my 60+ parents were born. this is a call for them to be able to walk freely within their own homes, within their own land, to be able to control their own lives. liberation for their safety and for their children, from the constant risk of arrest, assault and raids by the israeli army.

this is about ending an occupation, not the jewish people & their way of life.

many new sites like cbc and global reported on this as well as others; the global article also interviewed a jewish man, who claimed the chant was anti-semitic. it mentioned that he was the president of an organization called 'Federation CJA' - one google search of their website, and wouldn't you fucking know it, they're in partnership with israel, from 'birthright' trips to allowing you to send goddamn postcards to their poor, sad soldiers who're exhausted from bombing innocent civilians all day.

so while we sit here in safety, humming over think-pieces about whether a demand from an exhausted people to finally let them be free secretly means slaughtering every person of another marginalized group in site, the death toll in gaza has gone above 11,000.

of all the fucking absurd things canadians could be talking about right now, this has to take the first-place blue ribbon.

frankly, what this does mean at least, is one thing - when the occupier starts crying because the people they've trampled on for years demanded they stop & it hurt their feelings, it means they're scared. it means that the marches and support are working. when the oppressors start weaponizing language used for liberation and claim it's a cry to hang them from the gallows, then they're getting desperate. it's a reminder to us all to keep pushing and fight for a liberated palestine.

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free

(I s2g if any zionists come in my notes trying to claim some bs that is just the regurgitated rhetoric of the propaganda you've swallowed it's on fucking site I will block you).

[laurenairay]

For your birthday prompts, 3 “You bet on us?” with Jacob Markstrom please.

Oooh this one was fun to write, mainly because I haven’t written for Marky in ages – I hope you enjoy it!

“You bet on us?”

Words: 898

*

“We’re going to have to tell them eventually, you know.”

You turned your head on the pillow to look at your boyfriend, huffing out a laugh.

“Yeah I know. Hasn’t it been nice not having everyone up in our business though?” you mused.

Jacob just laughed, nodding his agreement. The two of you had fallen into each other’s beds almost immediately when he’d first been traded to Calgary, your friendship with Elias Lindholm’s girlfriend Annika looping you into the same circles, especially when Jacob was still living with them. As time had gone on though, friends with benefits had shifted into something more, a solid serious relationship, but you’d both agreed to keep things quiet, mostly because you’d already seen how nosy and involved his team and all your friends were with anyone’s new relationships, and you’d just wanted to keep it to yourself for the moment.

That ‘moment’ had shifted into 3 months, and still no-one knew. You never posted anything on social media about each other, you didn’t go to team events, you definitely didn’t show up together to friends gatherings, and you rarely did a date night out in public. Sure, some people might not like that, but for you, it felt nice having something that was just yours.

But it looked like Jacob had reached the end of his need for privacy. Intriguing.

“Any particular reason you’ve changed your mind?” you asked, propping your head up with your hand to look at him properly.

“I just…everyone gets to snuggle in public. I want to be able to do that with you,” he admitted, blush dusting his cheeks.

Oh that sweet, sweet man.

“Okay,” you said simply.

“Okay?” he repeated, eyes full of hope.

“Yeah, okay. I’m in, let’s go public,” you nodded.

The grin that spread over Jacob’s lips made you laugh, that laughter increasing as he all but launched himself at you, pressing a flurry of kisses to your neck.

Trying to figure out how to go public in the most low-key way was the hard part. Even though you’d both agreed that it was finally time after talking a little more about the whole situation, the last thing you wanted was to make a big song and dance about things. That just wasn’t you, and it certainly wasn’t him either.

Eventually, you both decided to just show up holding hands to a dinner Elias and Annika were hosting at their house. That was as minimal fuss as you could think of – anything else could come later.

So when the evening came, Jacob squeezing your hand for reassurance while you waited for the door to open, you couldn’t deny that you were nervous. Not bad nervous per say, but there was still that element of the unknown. Would they be mad that you hadn’t told them? At least not for long when they saw how happy you were, right?

“You made it!”

Elias’s loud voice greeted you, breaking you out of your thoughts, and you found yourself smiling as he did a double take.

“Annika! They finally showed up together!” he called over his shoulder.

What.

“About time!” Annika said happily as she appeared next to him, “You owe me so much money babe.”

What?!

You looked up at Jacob, who looked just as confused as you were. Well that was something at least.

“You bet on us?” you asked, confused.

“Honey, we all did,” Annika mused.

Well damn.

We all did. That was ominous.

The two of you walked into their house, Elias shutting the door behind you, but your head was still whirling as Annika took your coats. They all knew? Or, they’d all guessed? What the hell?

“Who bet what?” Jacob asked, when the four of you finally in the kitchen.

You batted at his arm, making him laugh.

“What? I want to know what they were thinking about us,” he shrugged, earning laughter from your friends.

You huffed out a laugh, but smiled as he lifted your joint hands to press a kiss to your knuckles, Annika just cooing at the sweet display.

“There’s like a dozen of us involved in the main bet now, I won’t lie…”

Well, fuck. That was way more than you’d thought.

“…and everything ranged from if you were just sleeping together or secretly crushing on each other or actually properly dating, including when admissions were made and who told who first. I have a spreadsheet and everything. And of course us two had our own bet.”

“Oh you guys are the worst!” you groaned.

You could guess at least a few of the people involved, knowing how busybody they all were, but the full scale of it still blew your mind a little.

But at least they weren’t mad?

“I guess you’ll need details to make sure the winnings go out properly, hm?” Jacob said simply.

“You are far too nonchalant,” you sighed.

“I’m just happy I get to show off how happy I am,” Jacob shrugged, smiling down at you, “I liked keeping things private, don’t get me wrong, but it was time.”

Well how could you argue with that?

“So, details?” Elias grinned.

Jacob just grinned back, Elias and Annika laughing, and you couldn’t help but laugh as well. Of all the reactions, this was the last thing you were expecting…but you also weren’t surprised in the slightest.

“Here’s what happened…”

[ghostiewriter]

Someone phrased it perfectly on a TikTok, and I'm sorry I don't have the link, but I'll see if I can find it, but people saying the reasons for Maddie and Rudy drifting apart is "the fans fault" is bull. Okay, but like I haven't heard people shipping Rudy and Madison since like 2020. Like Rudy, babe, of course people are gonna ship your characters, those two are literally one of the most beautiful parts of the damn show. There are so many actors who are happily married and still get shipped. They don't look like they're about commit triple homicide. They just play it off and Bon Voyage their way through life. People ship your characters dude, characters. I mean if not the fans, at least have a little bit of respect for your costars, who clearly love you and actually enjoy promoting the show everyone worked so hard to make. And yea, the fact that he's distanced himself from the WHOLE cast, the character and the show makes it pretty damn obvious that it isn't just an issue with the fans shipping. Not once, did I see Rudy have a genuine smile on his face throughout the whole press tour. Like boy, you're such a great person, I love you, marry me please (jk jk forgive me E****), but right now your behavior is exhausting. And I really don't wanna to say it, and I swear I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I'm sure she who must not be named has something to do with it. The way she had him on a lead during the whole press tour, watched him like the creepy old guy at the gas station while he was doing interviews, flashed the dirtiest looks at literal TEENAGERS. This is on top of being an entitled, racist, homophobic bitch. It's laughable how narcissistic and manipulative she is and I'm just waiting for our boy to open his eyes, take a breather and realize he's putting out his frustration on all the wrong people/things.

Sorry for my rant! LOVED the latest chapter of P&P! GTG my cousin's in labor 9 days early and her husband's out of state for a business trip and her parents live in Calgary so I'm gonna go chill with her until they get to the hospital why is everything so chaotic it's Sunday 😭 BYE

I genuinely couldn’t have said it better myself. Like even beyond the shipping and the characters and the show, just basic respect and acknowledgment to your coworkers would be really fucking nice??

ALSO BLESS THANK YOU AND CONGRATULATIONS/GOOD LUCK TO YOUR SISTER!!!! Hope everything goes well for the newest wee addition to your family!!🤍we love a bit of sunday chaos💀very on brand with f1 tbh

[pcttrailsidereader]

small WORLD

I can't seem to ignore a book about the Pacific Crest Trail. I don't see all of them much less read all of them. I was visiting a friend and on the way out the door to go home I noticed he had a book about, you guessed it, the PCT. This particular book is titled 'Walking Home'. We posted an excerpt from it a few weeks back.

As you may have read in the intro to that post or may remember the author, Rick Rogers was not exactly a stranger to me. I had met him a few years ago walking a section in the Mojave. After reading his book I got in touch with him as he just happens to live not far from me in northwest Washington.

We agreed to meet up for (what else?) a walk. The conversation came easily. As we got reacquainted Rick told me he would be leaving for England in a few short days with his teenage son and Rick's non hiking sister to walk the Southwest Coast Path in southwest England. I have walked short portions of that trail and it can be spectacular. My enthusiasm for Rick's next hike was high for many reasons. The first one was my family and I lived in southwest England a while back and we love the area. We also made some very good friends there who we maintain a solid connection with even today.

I offered to put Rick in contact with a couple I know there who have walked the entire Southwest Coast Path and would be perfect resources for him. After I returned home from my walk with Rick I called my friends Duncan and Sandy. I gave them a soft sell..."what would you think...? This person I recently met may contact you...I don't know if he will...If he does, he may need a ride to the start of his walk...what do you think? " True to form Sandy and Duncan were more than agreeable. Over the years we have known each other they have listened to me sharing many PCT stories and read a few too. They were tickled to find themselves in the role of trail angels quite a ways from the PCT. I passed their response back to Rick and let the cards fall wherever they might.

About a week or so later I heard from Duncan. Yes, Rick had contacted them. Yes he and Sandy picked up Rick and his party at the train station and brought them to their house for lunch. Yes they had even made a short stop to grab some last minute supplies in town before heading off to Minehead where they would begin their journey. Amazing but not surprising. This was an example of 'trail magic' at least once removed...

Off Rick, his sister, and son headed west and Duncan and Sandy returned home. In a few weeks they would be heading to Calgary for a summer holiday that would bring them to us in Washington. The connection that came together was a marvel to me. I couldn't wait to hear more about their experience with Rick and his family. But wait! There is more!

Duncan and Sandy came to us via the train from Vancouver BC. I was anxiously awaiting them on the platform as the train pulled in. The first people off the train were a woman with a smallish backpack and a teenager also carrying a backpack. Not an unusual sight around here in the summer especially. Next off were Sandy and Duncan. Duncan was pointing wildly at the two people who just disembarked from the train. I didn't quite understand. "This is Rick's family!" he exclaimed. I couldn't believe it. Rick had continued on the Coast Path as planned and these two had come back home after a few weeks walking via Vancouver as planned. Unplanned was the rendezvous with Sandy and Duncan in the Vancouver train station and the animated conversation on the train south.

The story of me reading Rick's book, our meeting, drafting a potential contact, having the contact more than work out, then meeting up on the train nearly has brought this story full circle. My dear friend Jim Peacock refers to these kind of events as happenstance. Others might call it kismet. While still others might just refer to it all as a form of trail magic. Whatever you call it it is a reminder of how small connections can shrink a big world. Those connections are heartwarming in the least. Heartening for sure while helping me see how small this world really is. Now to complete the circle I am waiting for Rick to return home so he can tell me the rest of the story.

[battle-of-alberta]

meta thoughts i am having today, i think it's interesting how i will meticulously study scenes in calgary to make sure you know it's calgary, but when it comes to drawing my own city its like "city hall be upon ye" over and over and I'm trying to figure out why that is and why i am so reticent about injecting more edmonton-ness despite spending the majority of my time here and unwittingly contributing to the 'edmonton is a nebulous vague idea with a loose identity' or 'edmonton is a sketchy, depressing place' that i wanted to combat.

i think part of it is i feel self conscious about putting everything i do with my pals into my comics for some reason, which is silly. part of it is also because a lot of things i do "from life" are every day chores that are either very generic or somewhat particular to the area i live which i don't want to overdraw from. another part of it is because i work for an organization that focuses on edmonton history i'm conscious about leaning on it too much, because while it is super interesting i also feel weird about it?? and i also fall into this spiral of wanting to portray times and places i didn't live in "correctly" and end up doing nothing at all.

apart from the psychological hurdles i'm starting to identify in my own mind... as much as i draw ed as the snarky and sarcastic wet blanket most of the time and particularly to channel my political frustrations... i do really love edmonton and i think there are a lot of amazing beautiful things here, as well as silly things... but I take a lot of things harder as well because it strikes closest to home for me when bad things happen or i see chronic problems, and i usually use ed to express that. as a result calvin doesn't carry as much of the "baggage" and he's easier to write and for other people to relate to as a result. It's a lot harder to portray my own city by virtue of being my own city but also because we have our own chronic self image problems that are thankfully changing, it's just how to portray them to other people that is difficult for me.

anyway, tldr, i've just been looking at my art and feeling unsatisfied, so i need to go outside more and start looking at things with fresh eyes again i think! or, at least, use the zillions of reference photos i take every day for Something. It's my absolute favourite time of year and I want to be out in it.

[heartlandians]

Past, Present and the Future (Christmas Fanfiction), part 2/3

Genre: General, Drama, Family Characters: Tim Fleming, few other family members (don’t want to give out spoilers!)

Synopsis: Three different snapshots of Tim’s Christmasses of the past, present and the future.

* * * *

“Good boy...” Tim said and patted the palomino’s neck after he had placed the hay on the net for the horse to munch. The gelding, that would few years later earn the name “Champ”, started tugging out the hay between the strings, sighing as a sign of relaxation.

Giving him space to eat, Tim stepped out of the stall and closed the latch behind him. Looking at the horse, the man couldn’t help but think he was the best purchase he had made in a while. Even though Tim wasn’t exactly proud of his days at the oil rig or gambling at the casinos, at least that money had helped him to buy this beautiful animal.

This was a new horse for him, but already he seemed like he had been with the man forever. The way they worked together when herding the cattle was seamless, and the horse had an easy nature outside work too. 

He was strong, loyal and resilient. All qualities Tim also wish he would possess.

It might have been 9 years since his rodeo accident, and usually a cowboy like him found himself a new horse quickly after losing the previous one because what was a cowboy without his horse, but in Tim’s case the journey here had been complicated and full of ups and downs.

His previous horse - a rodeo legend in his own right - Pegasus, had not just been any horse; he had been the horse for him. 

After their accident at the Calgary Stampede, the horse had been a mess - just like him. While Tim had been too busy healing himself, his wife, Marion, had tried her best to fix the issues Pegasus had been dealing with as an aftermath of the whole thing.

When Tim had been kicked out of Heartland, Pegasus had stayed with Marion - and it had probably been better that way. Tim had not been in any position to take the horse with him anyway and he had not really been in a condition to take care of a horse either. He had barely managed to look after himself.

Now, almost a decade later, their paths had once again crossed. Marion had done amazing job with the horse, as Pegasus was back to being the stable friend Tim had once known. But a decade was a long time in a horse’s life, especially one with this horse’s history. Pegasus was a good fit for light trail rides, but he was no good for rodeo, not that anyone in the family would have even put him through that anymore. 

But Pegasus was also not a working horse, and that’s where this palomino had stepped in as Tim had needed a horse to help with the herd he was working with. They were slowly getting to know each other and so far everything had gone well. 

While Tim was lost in thought, Ray Phillips entered the Big River Ranch barn, leaning on his walking stick.

“Tim. What are you doing here?” Ray asked and moved with some labor as he stepped inside. He was an old man already, with injuries of his own, but insisted doing rounds around his property every day, even though he had staff to help him. Tim was one of them as he worked as a foreman. “I thought you would have gone to stay with your family at Heartland.”

“Oh...” Tim laughed dryly, turning toward his boss. “You know how Jack is; he can hold a grudge. There’s no way he would let me into that Christmas dinner table - even if I am able to visit my girls now. Gotta pick my battles...”

Ray nodded, knowing his neighbor well. They had shared fence for decades, after all, way over his 50 years of ranching, and here in Hudson you were not a stranger with the people living next to you.

“So... you’re alone for Christmas?” Ray read between the lines.

Tim nodded. “I guess I am.”

Taking a seat on top of two stocked square bales, Ray steadied his breath.

“My daughter was supposed to come stay with me, but... apparently some work related thing came up last minute and she can’t make it. Or so she says”, Ray said with a disappointed tone, fiddling his walking stick. “Truth be told, I don’t know if that is just an excuse... I feel like she’s not really interested in visiting me. Or staying here at Big River. I’m beginning to lose hope that this ranch will stay in the family in the future. I know I already have a plan for those longhorns of mine...”

“Well, you’re not leaving us anytime soon, are you, Ray?” Tim asked, even though he knew with someone of Ray’s age, that was only a matter of time with every passing day. 

Ray chuckled, appreciating Tim’s attempt to make him feel younger than he was. 

“You know damn well this might just be my last Christmas”, Ray reminded, and almost like from a cue, he started coughing. 

Tim listened to the hollow sounds of his lungs as the older man gasped for air afterwards. When his coughing calmed down, Tim had a thought.

“Let’s say this is your last Christmas, hypothetically”, he said thoughtfully, “what would you like for your last Christmas to look like?” 

“Oh...” Ray let out, taking some time to think about it. “Well, I always liked it when we had a Christmas tree back when Callie was a little girl. Seeing her admire the decorations and lights... I don’t know, it just always warmed my heart too.”

“So you’d want a Christmas tree?” Tim checked.

Ray nodded. “Yeah. One last time. I can’t go out to those woods anymore, not like how I used to. I miss it.”

“I can bring some of it to you”, Tim decided, like it was no big deal. “Just point me to a saw.”

* * * *

Less than 30 minutes later, Tim mounted his horse and headed toward the woods that were on Ray’s property. He knew not to cross any borders on this mission to find a Christmas tree as there were fences separating them from Heartland’s acres. 

The beautiful frosty day pinched his cheeks as he and the horse ventured deeper into the forest. Looking around, Tim’s glance moved from one spruce to another. Some of them were too small, some of them too tall. Some of them looked right, but only on one side.

When he got closer to a more wooded area, something between the trees moved - a bird, perhaps - making the horse jump. Scared, the palomino started rushing forward, and Tim tried his best to use his bulldogging cowboy abilities to stay on, but when a large branch swiped him on the chest, the man lost his balance and fell down, hitting his top half on the icy surface as his cowboy hat bounced further away.

Feeling his head throbbing from pain, Tim groaned. Not only was he afraid he had just sustained a concussion, but the branch really had knocked the wind out of him. He laid there, barely moving and waited the pain to pass. 

It was like on his old rodeo days, but at least he had not landed on his bad shoulder...

Just as the cold was starting to creep under his clothes and the brightness of the sky was beginning to hurt his eyes, Tim thought about getting up, but before he was able, he heard a voice. 

“Easy there, cowboy.”

He recognized that voice in a heartbeat, but... it couldn’t be...

“Marion...?” Tim said, wondering if he was going insane.

Moving around his head against the snowy surface, Tim was trying to locate the origin of the voice, but he saw no one. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. 

After all, Marion was dead. She had passed away in an accident earlier this year. 

“Yeah, it’s me, you dummy”, Marion’s voice replied with some delay.

“But you’re--- you’re--” Tim stuttered. He still could barely say it.

“Dead?” Marion offered. 

Tim swallowed dryly and nodded. “Yeah...”

“Maybe so, but death doesn’t have to be the end.”

Tim couldn’t understand this. “But I was at your funeral. We’ve mourned for you. The whole family.”

“I’ve seen it. If there was one good thing to come out of this it’s that you’re all together again.”

“I wish you were here with us. I feel like I just missed you. Like I was just few minutes away from seeing you again. Maybe if I had come back sooner, we---” 

The words died on Tim’s lips.

“You wrote me a letter, remember?” Marion pointed out. “You tried.”

“I did. But I didn’t hear back.”

“I was not ready then. I was in the middle of my own recovery. The rodeo accident or the aftermath of it didn’t just happen to you. And... I didn’t divorce you because I wanted to. But... it’s what needed to happen so we could both move forward. I didn’t see a future for us, even though I hoped for it. Besides, I had to focus on the girls. Lou, especially, was affected by it all. But... I wasn’t able to help her. I just never got through to her, not like you always did.”

“I’ve been trying to make amends, but... it’s been difficult. With Amy, especially. I have to take it slow. There’s so much water under that bridge...” Tim confessed. “It takes more than blood and a will to connect for us to build those connections again.

“You’re on the right path”, Marion’s voice said. “Just keep going.”

A warm breeze of air swept all over Tim’s face as he was slowly starting to achieve consciousness again. Feeling the tickle of a horse’s muzzle on his cheek, Tim realized he was being examined by a horse.

His horse.

Opening his eyes, Tim saw the palomino standing next to him, almost apologetically. 

“Did you lose something?” Tim asked with a low voice.

He chuckled when the horse breathed on his face. 

“You came back for me, huh...?” 

Nuzzling the horse’s cheek, Tim tried to gain back his strength to get up and get back on the horse. When you fell, the most important thing was to get back in the saddle. That was the motto he had lived by for years now and he wasn’t about to stop.

“We promised Ray a tree. We’re going to get that tree”, Tim said to his horse.

He mounted the gelding, thinking about the tree, but also sparing thoughts for Marion. 

He felt her presence now. 

There was a spot, not too far from here, where Tim knew Marion had always liked to ride to clear her thoughts. Maybe he could cross the property line just a little in order to remember the love of his life and appreciate the view she had always loved so much, seeing this was the first Christmas without her.

Even though they had not talked for years, Tim had always carried part of Marion with him in a form of a school ring. The woman had given it to him years ago for good luck while he had been on a circuit. 

Tim’s younger daughter, Amy, now had it as it was Tim’s way of keeping Marion alive for her as well. The girls longed for their mother, for different ways, and while Tim could see how heavily Lou and Amy relied on their grandfather, Jack, Tim was hoping to be there for them too during this period of grief.

He wasn’t doing it for completely selfless reasons, but also because looking at them kept Marion alive for him too. He had needed to have that closure in order to move forward, and slowly but surely Tim was feeling the change in him.

Marion was never going to be forgotten, but they needed to continue to live their lives.

For her and for themselves.

Who knew where they would be ten, twenty years from now.

Hopefully still at Heartland, in some way.

[firsttarotreader]

omg, i forgot about the whole thing about pedro using rafa and paco to make SM jealous and get back together with him LMFAOOO thank you for reminding me. at least rafa actually went to canada and it’s not based off random pictures of snow and berries and a made-up story of a romantic weekend cabin getaway.

also remember when they said he hated paco only for them to hang out unprompted in spain while pedro was filming the almodovar movie? lmao

2021 was a wild year in this fandom. It was a full on psychiatric ward with people living in parallel realities. It was The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, 100%. Some people came back to our reality, others are still living in their delirium.

And here is a story posted by sm with his family last month basically at the same place he was in 2021 when the crazies thought he was in Calgary because of the snow pic and the berries. 😂😂😂 And we were saying that was the Italian Alps and the crazies were making up all kinds of fanfics…

[nscafe-firehose]

15 years of disability

Here we are, on the an anniversary I never wanted,  March 24, 2008.

15 years since acquiring tardive dystonia.

Let’s catch up a bit then, shall we?

First thing; still happily married to the same person, who has also became my primary caregiver.

Which leads me into, yup, I still very much have tardive dystonia and it hasn’t gotten any better. I have good days and bad days. But I’m safe and taken care of.

I also found out that I have an inoperable osteochondroma (bone growth) on my right tibia that has given me no end of acute chronic pain from apparently my early teen years onwards.

I smoke 120g of cannabis a month to manage both the tardive dystonia and acute chronic pain (and the accompanying depression, or whatever having no functional dopamine to speak of is, that goes with such things)

We currently have one cat, her name is Mystique and we’ve had her for a while now. Both Poptart and Charlie passed.

We live on the western end of downtown Calgary, in the Beltline. Great place to be. 

COVID-time has compelled me to pretty much stay inside (aside from vaccinations+boosters, doctors appointments, voting and rare time of eating outside or in very well ventilated areas) and while she has to go out to work and deal household related activities, she (and we) both wear masks when we’re not in the apartment (including the hallway to the elevators). We’ve never had COVID and if we continue to be careful, then we may get through this without acquiring it. We’ve forsaken a lot in order to not get sick. We’re getting updated boosters on Sunday!

For my particular point of view, I’m back to living like I was up in Falconridge. Stuck.

We moved, in large part, to the Beltline to not be stuck. At least we’re staying safe.

And if you want to reach out and say hi again, you can ask for my email...

[asenseofsymmetry]

I’m so interested in Lindsey. I became a fan when they were still together. I wonder how it feels for Tegan now in regard to lb. I remember way back in 2013 Tegan was talking about how she “turned a straight girl”, and it seemed like she was proud of it. At least that’s how the fan base took those comments on chat boards at the time. Now lb is living with a man who has two kids and saying that he is the love of her life on twitter. After everything that Tegan and lb went though back in the day. Lindsey is clearly still a big part of Tegans life even if they don’t hang around that much anymore. At the Calgary film festival over the weekend Tegan was wearing her double ring which was a gift from Lindsey in 2012/2013. She’s worn it so many times after the breakup in 2014. I’d love to hear a super candid view she must have of that whole situation. But all I can think of is who weird it must be for her now with Lindsey’s new man she fawns all over on the socials.

They talked about Lindsey a little bit on this podcast from Kate and Leisha named PANTS a little while ago. They talk about Soafia there too, maybe you would want to hear it.

[newstfionline]

Saturday, June 29, 2024

The world’s most livable cities for 2024 (CNN) It’s considered among the most beautiful cities in the world to visit, and it seems that Vienna may also be an unbeatable place to live. The Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) ranked 173 cities across the globe on a number of significant factors, including health care, culture and environment, stability, infrastructure and education. Vienna topped the list for the third consecutive year, receiving “perfect” scores in four out of five of the categories. Just behind the Austrian capital, Denmark’s Copenhagen retained its second place position, while Switzerland’s Zurich moved up from sixth place to third on the list. Australia’s Melbourne fell from third to fourth place, while Canadian city Calgary tied for fifth place with Swiss city Geneva. Canada’s Vancouver and Australia’s Sydney were in joint seventh place, and Japan’s Osaka and New Zealand’s Auckland rounded out the top 10 in joint ninth place. In 23rd place, Honolulu, Hawaii was the highest US city on the list. Los Angeles was further down the list in 58th place, while New York came in at No. 70.

Meet the 1st federal candidate in Canadian history to lose an election with zero votes (CBC) Losing can be difficult no matter the outcome, but one aspiring Canadian politician has had to swallow a particularly bitter pill. On Monday, musician and independent candidate Félix-Antoine Hamel received zero votes in Toronto-St. Paul’s local election—making him the first Canadian to ever face such an electoral loss. “When I saw the result, I was like, ‘Well, I am the true unity candidate. Everyone agrees not to vote for me,’” Hamel told CBC News.

How the world reacted to Biden’s ‘disastrous’ debate performance (Washington Post) Capitals around the world had already been hedging their bets about a second Trump presidency, but that planning is likely to go into overdrive after President Biden’s halting debate performance, diplomats and analysts said Friday, with global leaders increasingly convinced that Trump will win and usher in a sharp break from Biden’s foreign policy. Diplomats in Washington set up watch parties on Thursday night as they drafted cables to send to their bosses at home. Leaders in distant time zones got up early to watch Biden’s stumbles and Trump’s inaccuracies. And many emerged convinced that the current occupant of the White House will not be resident there much longer, as they considered how to calibrate strategies that would appeal to Trump’s zero-sum view of the world. “Initially, Biden looked completely lost,” one diplomat said by text message as the debate was still underway, speaking, like others, on the condition of anonymity to speak frankly about the domestic politics of an ally. “As always, it doesn’t matter what you say but how you say it and how it looks.”

Norway to stockpile grain (San Francisco Chronicle) The Norwegian government on Tuesday signed a deal to start stockpiling grain, saying the COVID-19 pandemic, a war in Europe and climate change have made it necessary. The deal to store 30,000 tons of grain in 2024 and 2025 was signed by agriculture and food minister Geir Pollestad, finance minister Trygve Slagsvold Vedum and four private companies. The wheat, which will belong to the Norwegian government, will be stored in already existing facilities by the companies in facilities across the country. Three of the companies will store at least 15,000 tons this year.

The twilight of Macronism? (Washington Post) The once-unthinkable now seems an imminent reality. The French far right is poised to become the largest party in France’s parliament, if polls surrounding the two-stage snap election starting Sunday are accurate. Projections suggest that the far-right National Rally could emerge with the biggest bloc of seats, followed by a rival coalition comprising the French left, and then the centrist party loyal to French President Emmanuel Macron trailing in a distant third. The result would be astonishing on multiple levels, likely yielding France’s first far-right prime minister and plunging the final years of Macron’s presidency—he is ineligible to run for a third term—into dysfunctional crisis. Macron and his highhanded political style may be directly to blame, and so too his inability to forge a genuine grass-roots movement under his banner.

Romanian village set to become Nato's biggest airbase in Europe (BBC) Six RAF Eurofighter Typhoons sit on the taxiway, engines roaring on two, as the ground staff hurry about, adding the finishing touches before take-off. In the distance, a cloud of dust rises in the summer haze over the construction site of the second runway, 3.5km (2 miles) long, beside the first. The hot northerly wind buffets the new hangars and the old. Mihai Kogalniceanu (MK) airbase takes its name from the village nearby, itself named after a 19th Century liberal politician. Now, it is the unlikely setting for what is turning into the biggest Nato base in Europe, bigger even than Ramstein in Germany. The MK base will soon have a squadron of Romanian F-16s - recently bought from Norway - as well as MQ-9 Reaper drones, and a military city through which Nato army, air force and naval personnel from 32 countries will rotate. The latest arrivals are the Finns. Just 20km (12 miles) from the Black Sea coast, the base is 300km from Odesa, as the fighter flies, and 400km from Sevastopol in Russian-occupied Crimea.

Russia Sends Waves of Troops to the Front in a Brutal Style of Fighting (NYT) May was a particularly deadly month for the Russian army in Ukraine, with an average of more than 1,000 of its soldiers injured or killed each day, according to U.S., British and other Western intelligence agencies. But despite its losses, Russia is recruiting 25,000 to 30,000 new soldiers a month—roughly as many as are exiting the battlefield, U.S. officials said. That has allowed its army to keep sending wave after wave of troops at Ukrainian defenses, hoping to overwhelm them and break through the trench lines. It is a style of warfare that Russian soldiers have likened to being put into a meat grinder, with commanding officers seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are sending infantry soldiers to die.

Pakistan: Mounting death toll from heatwave (BBC) Temperatures in southern Pakistan have soared above 40C (104F), with high humidity making it feel as hot as 49C. Civil Hospital Karachi admitted 267 people with heatstroke between Sunday and Wednesday. Most of the patients had been working outdoors. Wasim Ahmed knew he wasn’t feeling well when he arrived home. The 56-year-old security guard had just finished a 12-hour overnight shift outside. Even then, he had found the temperatures too much. “He came through the door and said I can’t deal with this hot weather,” Adnan Zafar, Wasim’s cousin, told the BBC. “He asked for a glass of water. Soon after he finished it, he collapsed.” By the time Wasim’s family got him to hospital, the medics said he had already died of a suspected heart attack.

US security assistance to Israel (Washington Post) The United States has provided $6.5 billion in security assistance to Israel since its war with Hamas started Oct. 7, with nearly $3 billion approved in May. Those previously unannounced figures were part of discussions this week with a visiting delegation headed by Israeli Defense Minister Yoav Gallant.

Ultra-Orthodox Jews block highway to protest Israel’s new mandatory military service ruling (AP) Hundreds of ultra-Orthodox Jewish men blocked a major highway in central Israel for two hours on Thursday to protest a recent Supreme Court decision ordering young religious men to enlist for military service. Military service is compulsory for most Jewish men and women in Israel. But politically powerful ultra-Orthodox parties have won draft exemptions for their followers that allow them instead to study in religious seminaries. The ultra-Orthodox see their full-time religious study as their part in protecting the state. Many fear that greater contact with secular society through the military will distance adherents from strict observance of the faith. The ultra-Orthodox make up roughly 13% of Israel’s population. But under the country’s fragmented political system, they wield significant political power and often serve as political kingmakers. The parties are key members of Netanyahu’s governing coalition and could potentially force new elections if they decide to leave the government.

As tensions soar, U.S. pushes for deal to avert Israel-Lebanon war (Washington Post) U.S. officials say they are working to quiet fighting between Israel and Hezbollah that has pushed Lebanon to the brink of all-out war—an effort complicated by the administration’s struggle to broker a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas in the Gaza Strip, analysts and diplomats said. Fear that months of deadly tit-for-tat violence near the Lebanese border could devolve into an even more devastating conflict peaked this month, after Israel assassinated a senior Hezbollah commander and the militant group retaliated with massive rocket barrages. This week, several countries, including Germany and Canada, warned their citizens to leave Lebanon, citing the threat of worsening hostilities. The United States has not yet ordered its citizens to evacuate, but this week it sent an amphibious ship, the USS Wasp, carrying Marines trained for evacuations, to the Mediterranean Sea. The Pentagon has declined to comment on any evacuations plans for Lebanon. Hezbollah, the Iranian-backed Lebanese militant group, political party and ally of Hamas, has repeatedly said that a halt to Israel’s offensive in Gaza is necessary before its fighters stand down.

‘The scariest place on earth’: inside the DMZ as tensions between North and South Korea rise (Guardian) Just a stone’s throw from North Korea, farmer Park Se-un tends to his crops under the watchful eye of the South Korean military. In the distance, past the bushes and fields strewn with landmines, he can see North Korean soldiers on patrol. Park’s village of Daeseong-dong is the only inhabited area in the south of Korea’s demilitarised zone (DMZ), located just 365 metres from North Korea at its closest point. Born and raised inside this zone, Park is used to the political tensions that shape his everyday life. Described as “the scariest place on earth” by Bill Clinton when he visited as president in 1993, the DMZ has served as a buffer between the two Koreas since their three-year conflict ended in 1953 with an armistice but not a peace treaty—meaning that the neighbours are still technically at war. But with tensions across the increasingly militarised DMZ rising, residents like Park now find themselves hoping this fragile peace can continue. “This all makes us nervous. What if something happens? It’s always on our minds,” he says.

At Least 750,000 on Brink of Starvation and Death in Sudan, Experts Warn (NYT) At least 750,000 people are on the brink of starvation and death in Sudan, where a devastating civil war has left over half the country’s 48 million people in a situation of chronic hunger, the global authority on famine said on Thursday. At least 14 areas across the country are near famine, including some in the capital, Khartoum, according to the latest figures from the Integrated Food Security Phase Classification, a group of experts from U.N. bodies and major relief agencies that measures hunger and formally declares famine. The dire update appeared to confirm warnings from aid experts that Sudan is hurtling toward a humanitarian disaster on a scale not seen in decades. “This is possibly the crisis of a generation,” said Edouard Rodier, Europe director for the Norwegian Refugee Council, who was in western Sudan last week. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” In a report issued on Thursday, the group said that 25.6 million Sudanese, or over half the population, were in a food crisis. Of them, 8.5 million are acutely malnourished or scrambling to survive while 755,000 are in a “catastrophe”—essentially, famine conditions.

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

i've never felt more comfortable. my flat is literally everything. and i enjoy going to office hybrid cause it really makes me appreciate the days when i'm at home. otherwise i need to find excuses to leave the house but at least this way i'm getting some exercise in every week. low key wish it was 2 days/week but it is what is is.

i forgot how amazing it was living alone. idk why but i love cleaning my space. doing laundry and organizing my things and showering and then lighting a candle and making my lunch for tomorrow. even sweeping the kitchen floor (and i hate sweeping). idk what it is but it just makes me feel.. together? i think it helps my place is so clean and nice in general, cause then when i clean i feel like it's ACTUALLY clean, not just surface clean if that makes sense.

i literally hope i don't have to live with a man ever again. i know my view is skewed because of jake, he made me really hate it at the end. but i know i just haven't found the right guy to live with. but even thinking about it, living with someone else, is repulsive. like, get the f out of my space. i enjoy my quiet time so much.

i've also gotten better at deciding what to make for dinner. usually and in the past it was always so hard and very stressful. even just thinking about what to make that isn't super unhealthy or doesn't require 15 ingredients. but i made tacos 2 weeks ago and i had leftover sour cream that's going to go bad soon so boom, buy some frozen perogies and make those. i dont remember it being this easy in uni but i also had no clue what i was doing and was teaching myself how to cook. it also wasn't this easy living with jake - but lets be real food was always a problem. would never eat leftovers, never had the energy to give any sort of input other than in the summertime. god i have so much resentment and bitterness. i did it to myself. i stayed. for probably 6 months too long. but ykno what, if i left any earlier i'd probably second guess myself and wonder what if. and, idk if i would've moved to calgary. i know i wouldn't be living in this apartment.

god my life would be so different if i had stayed longer. and honestly, i was on the trajectory for it. i even considered staying and maybe do it sometime in january after the holidays. omg i would've gone fucking crazy. laid off, so much time on my hands, him working, me doing absolutely nothing. me looking for some sort of job in vancouver. it makes me sweat just thinking about it. i would've been even more miserable than i had been before.

one thing that really stumps me is he KNEW i was unhappy. literally. he said. i know you haven't been happy for a while. LIKE?? OK?? so you're just going to not say anything or do anything and hope it figures itself out?? fuck he's such a dumb fucking idiot.

i really need this therapy session on sunday. he has literally made me hate and not trust men. i think that's it. i just don't trust anyone to give me a life better than i can give myself.

and maybe that's partly why i'm so down for Brandon. he lives so far there is literally no chance of him ruining my life lmao cause he'll eventually go home far away and i'm here safe from his masculinity.

but brandon is legit the polar opposite of jake. he's kind and loves cats and loves trance and doesn't smoke weed and likes to drink and doesn't LIE and make up stupid stories and fly off the handle with substances.

we'll see how she goes but at least right now i've not been as obsessed with brandon cause i've been so busy being happy on my own. 79 days.