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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Long Nights - part 5

Neil x Reader

Chapter 5: After rain

(see chapter 4, 3, 2, 1)

summary: you learn to cope with the new situation, but you aren't the only one struggling

warnings: 18+, angst and pain, explicit language and other things

author’s note: This part of the story's been with me for... oh, so long. I just hope I did it justice. ✨6,1k words.✨ I don't even know.

Hurt/Comfort.

The song for this part is Dermot Kennedy - After rain

Enjoy! All feedback is greatly appreciated, let me know what you think?

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Tag list: @cxnnienikas @neutron-stars-collision @ergunbilge @invertedneil @wanderedaway @mellifluous-cosmos @wonderwoman292 @buckysgoldenheart @townmoondaltwistle @theriverbeneaththeriver (please let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list)

-----

Your hands clenched on the bed’s frame, its coldness felt like the only real thing your drugged mind could process.

Doctor’s words were filling the room, but they were muffled as if they were coming from behind a barrier. Falling from such height...extreme luck...no broken bones…head trauma...internal bruising....

Was all that talking really necessary? Yeah, you were battered, all right. And it seems that even with painkillers the weird throbbing, like a morse code from your bruised cells, was about to stay with you for a little while.

...just like the darkness.

The more the doctor spoke, the more it became clear that they didn’t have any definite answers for you. Seemed like the day spent on being prodded, stabbed with needles, and tossed into various machines resulted in nothing more than a verdict: optic nerve injury.

As for what were you supposed to do now--

“Let me get this straight, doctor,” you said, slowly losing patience. “Your only solution now is: let’s wait and see what happens?”

Drumming fingers against a piece of plastic, followed by a sigh.

“Yes. There is no effective treatment, we could try a high dosage of corticosteroids, but there is no evidence that it’s gonna make any difference, really. And as some recovery may spontaneously occur within days or weeks--”

Weeks.

A cold shiver ran down your spine and you swallowed with effort.

And that was a maybe.

You just wanted to go home.

“Grand,” you cut in, “please tell me I can wait for that possible joyful occurrence anywhere else but here.” You aimed for a lighter tone, but every word coming out of your mouth was dripping with bitterness. Grimacing at your own attitude, you forced a weak smile to appear on your face. “No offense, doc.”

“None taken,” the doctor said with a snicker. “I get it.” A short pause filled with a rustling of paper. “With all the tests done, I don’t think we need to keep you here for observation any longer, but I’d recommend you weren’t alone for the next few days. Do you have anyone to take care of you after we discharge you?”

“I don’t need--”

Neil’s firm voice overlapped with yours.

“Yes, she has.”

You huffed, startled. And a bit annoyed.

You almost forgot Neil was in the room, but to be fair, you were quite sure he’d never left your side since you woke up. His initial nervous chatter got replaced by a silent presence, always ready to jump in should you needed anything - no matter if it was a glass of water or an arm to lean on. It was all comforting, endearing even, and you were so grateful to have him around, but the thought of having Neil in your apartment triggered an irrational panic.

Instead of dwelling on the roots of the anxiety, you decided to over-talk it.

“Neil, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be okay, and you surely have better things to do than babysitting me.”

“I don’t.” Was that a hint of hurt in his voice? “Doctor, can you discharge her even if she is gonna be alone out there?”

“I’d rather she spent at least one more day here then.”

Unbelievable. You rolled your eyes, hoping it would make the same effect as always, and groaned. “Fine, you win, only because I want nothing else but to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

“Excellent,” said the doctor cheerfully, “I’ll get the forms and come back to you soon.”

“Thank you, doc,” you sighed, hanging your head in defeat.

After spending enough time with a person, it was always easy to recognize them by the way they walk. That’s how you knew it was Neil who approached you, ever so hesitantly.

And only because of a brush of his fingers against your hand you realized you were still clinging onto the bed frame.

“Hey, I’ll just help you set up everything you need there, all right?” he said quietly and you felt him sitting down next to you. “You’re gonna have all the space you want, and as soon as you decide it’s too much, I’ll get out of your hair, I promise.”

He must have noticed that little panic of yours, huh?

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to form a coherent thought. “It sounds good though, thank you.”

“Sure thing.” Neil shifted slightly. “How are you feeling?”

You shrugged and grimaced. “I don’t know, but either I’ve slept through the best high or these drugs they gave me are kinda lame.” Hearing Neil’s light chuckle, you cracked a small smile. “Honestly? I’m knackered.”

He hummed with sympathy.

“Is there anything I can do for you now?”

The softness in his voice was more than your tired and dazed mind could handle. You leaned to the side and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Just… take me home,” you asked, forcing the words past your clenched throat.

Neil exhaled sharply and carefully wrapped an arm around you, pressing a cheek to the top of your head.

“Of course.”

------

“Welcome to my crib.”

“Thank you, it’s...” - Neil hesitated as he closed the door behind you - “...cosy.”

Patting the wall to your right, you located a small hook and hung the keys on it.

“That is certainly one word for it,” you snorted. “Why, what did you expect?”

“Frankly? Considering you’re such an... acclaimed locksmith, I imagined something… well, bigger, for starters.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way he stumbled on words, trying so hard not to sound offensive in any way.

Grinning, you put on your most snobbish tone. “Ah, sorry to disappoint, all my gold, glitter, and general pizzaz got moved to one of my many summer houses as my spacious lair worthy of the most infamous thief is under renovation, so I was forced to retreat to my humble family place in this ghastly neighborhood.”

“Such a shame,” he said and a smile brightened his words. “I like it, though. Matches your vibe, somehow.”

“Because it’s small, detached, empty, yet somehow messy?”

Neil sighed in a way you were absolutely sure he was rolling eyes at you, then helped you with the coat. “It’s gonna take more than putting words in my mouth to make me want to leave you here all by yourself, you know.”

You were quite sure a dirty joke was hiding in there, but it eluded your tired brain.

“Damn, need to up my game then,” you giggled, leaning against the wall to take the shoes off without losing your balance. “Nah, I’m messing with you, I’m grateful you got me out of there. Can’t wait to rinse that hospital stench off of me.”

“Do you want me to run a bath for you?”

You mused over the idea for a moment, “Thanks, I’ll take a shower - two minutes tops and I’d end up asleep in the ‘tub.” Probably even faster, considering that you already were running on fumes. “Anyway, make yourself at home, gonna grab some fresh clothes.”

Neil was not willing to give up.

“I’ll get you--”

“I’ve got this,” you uttered, instantly hating yourself for how harsh it came out, so you quickly added, “But would you please put the kettle on?” sending an apologetic grimace along with your words.

“On it.”

He seemed happy to have something to do. Or at least sounded like it as he took the crackling grocery and takeaway bags to the kitchenette.

You walked across the room with confidence, your hand reluctantly extended ahead on your waist level just in case you miscalculated the route to the bedroom. When you reached the door frame, you smiled to yourself. It wasn’t that hard, was it? Almost like going to the bathroom at night, not willing to put the light on to avoid waking up, right?

And exactly then, your shin hit the edge of the bed footboard, the impact sending a searing wave of pain up your whole leg. You bit your knuckle to stifle a groan and a curse that was bound to follow. Every. Goddamn. Time.

The noises coming from the other room stopped, but luckily there was no question. Nor a hero coming to rescue you from the sudden and vicious attacks of furniture.

Finally, the closet. Your fingers ran through the folded clothes. Clean underwear. A soft t-shirt. Comfy pj pants. The fatigue was so severe that the term dress to impress didn’t even cross your mind. Not that Neil cared, right? But before you stepped back from the wardrobe, you hesitated, sliding your hands down to one of the bottom drawers. All that boring into nothingness was straining, and keeping your eyes closed all the time felt wrong, somehow. Might as well, you shrugged, pulling out a silky blindfold. Maybe this would trick your brain into thinking it was just a game. A temporary thing. Nothing serious.

...but what if--

You took a shaky breath and slammed the closet shut. Swallowing with effort, you took the clothes and limped out of the room, then followed the wall to the bathroom.

Neil’s concerned voice reached you halfway there.

“You okay?”

“Peachy,” you said and flashed your teeth in a strained grin.

“Let me know if you need anything, all right?”

A change of strategy, then. You certainly didn’t mind, at least this way it didn’t trigger the unnecessarily rude reaction. And you had a feeling that you were going to need a pair of eyes to take care of those bruises of yours.

...or you could just follow the radiating ache and slap some gel where it hurts most, but at this point, as the painkillers were slowly wearing off, it would probably be easier to just pour the whole tube on the tiles and roll over in it.

“Will do, thanks.”

You closed the door behind you and sighed. The undressing required an accompaniment of grunts, hisses and curses, and when you finally got into the shower (hitting yourself only once while doing so) you were all sweaty and panting as if you’d run up twenty flights of stairs.

You winced as the warm water poured over your body, but you couldn’t wait to get rid of the lingering smell of antiseptics. Using soap uncovered the injured spots with a burning precision, but you gritted your teeth and soldiered through it, changing position slightly so you wouldn’t cause more damage with shampoo and conditioner. Condemning your past self for choosing a matching set of hair products, you were forced to guess and pick one to pour a little bit of it on your hand to judge which is which based on the texture of the fluid. Why did you even bother…?

When you were done and more or less dry, you put on the panties and wrapped another towel around yourself. A slow thumping in your head was growing stronger by the minute, but it was still bearable. As for taking care of the bruises… you realized you didn’t even know where the arnica ointment was. You’d bought one on your way just in case, but that meant--

You groaned and rubbed an eye with the back of your hand. Help it was, then.

“Neil?” you called out, cracking open the door.

A sudden rumble of a chair made you cringe, but a corner of your mouth twitched.

“What is it?” he asked as his rushed steps carried him closer.

“Could you help me with putting something on the most banged-up spots, please?” - a sheepish smile crept on your lips - “I thought about just mixing some cream with my lotion and rubbing it all over, but--”

He scoffed as if the idea personally offended him. “Jesus, please don’t. I’ll be right back.”

Your legs seemed to weigh a tonne, but also started to shake as though they were about to give in any moment, so you sat back on the edge of a bathtub with relief.

Neil came back after a while and muffled clanking suggested he brought a full medkit with him. You waited as he washed his hands thoroughly, and you stifled an amused giggle at the dedication, even though it was nothing more but common sense.

Neil’s soft voice broke the silence. “I’m gonna take a look at those wounds first, but for that, I need to touch you, is it okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you shrugged. “I imagine you can’t do plenty without that, huh?”

A light chuckle. “Fair enough.” And featherlike touches that followed.

Careful fingers examining every bruised inch of skin, starting from the freshly hurt shin, scraped knees, going up your thighs until they met the edge of the towel. Then, ghosting over your hands, unhurriedly moving up the forearms…

You realized your breath got shaky.

He tucked a still quite damp strand of hair behind your ear and his fingertips glided over your forehead and down your temple, traced your jawline up to your chin. His knuckles grazed your neck, then moved across your collarbones, but when they met the towel again, Neil hesitated.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before, right?” you joked playfully and untucked the corner of the towel, letting it slide down your body.

A sharp inhale and a slipped-out curse.

“Christ…” uttered Neil, and you were quite sure what he was referring to. Your hip pulsated with dull pain in the place where the oxygen container had been, or rather where it must have moved to during the escape, bruising the hip bone and surrounding area at the impact.

You forced a crooked smile to your face. “And here I was hoping it looked better than it felt.”

“I can always lie to you if you want,” he offered, aiming for a lighter tone.

Shaking your head, you nibbled on your bottom lip. Somehow, the sole thought of him lying to you seemed like a certain heartache.

“No.” Your voice sounded weak, but maybe that was understandable, given how powerless you felt overall. Or maybe you could stop being so pathetic any moment now.

You closed your eyes, and while you tried to parley with your brain to give you a break, Neil started meticulously treating your wounds, focused on not causing any more discomfort than it was needed. You switched all your attention to his ministrations, grimacing slightly from time to time as he was tending particularly sore spots. Neil’s warm fingers contrasted with the cold ointment, all the different sensations fought a merciless battle to take precedence over one another, making even more of a mess in your tired head.

You heard Neil shifting in front of you as he was about to move to your injured face. Acting on an impulse, you spread your legs to allow him to come closer, and so he did, positioning himself on his knees between your thighs without a word. Quite a concentration, you thought and smiled fondly to your memories of the times you’d seen him so committed to a task. Slightly furrowed brows, blonde strands falling into shining blue eyes, with a bottom lip tugged between the teeth...

A brief touch on your temple brought you back to reality and you gasped, reaching out to hold on to Neil to keep your balance. As you rested your hands on his sides, he gently cupped your face and continued with taking care of the bruises. It felt as if the warmth radiating from him was mending you whole, even more so when it got combined with tender, soothing brushes of Neil’s thumb against your cheek. You melted into his palm and exhaled slowly, dropping your shoulders and relaxing.

Before you could stop the words from spilling out, you said under your breath, “It was just a fall, I don’t know how it got that bad,” voicing the thought that’s been on your head all day.

Neil pulled back abruptly and the tranquil moment shattered like glass against the bathroom tiles.

“Are you being serious right now? Just a fall? You’re lucky you’re alive, goddamnit, let alone able to walk!” Disbelief mixed with anger in his tone, taking you aback. And to your surprise, it felt like yet another wound, inflicted right at your chest. “Y-you hit the wall before you crashed on the ground, you--” his voice broke and Neil sighed. You heard him packing the medkit, simply tossing things inside before he moved away.

“Oh,” was all you could say, reaching for the abandoned towel to wrap it over your shoulders, in a sudden and desperate need to cover yourself. In every way possible. “Remind me to tie a cat and a buttered slice of bread to myself the next time we do this.”

He didn’t respond to your poor attempt at lighting up the mood, instead, you heard the door handle, a deadpanned “I’ll heat up the food” and he was gone.

You had no idea where his reaction had come from. Normally, you’d have followed him straight away to confront him, but right then you felt so exhausted and helpless you just slouched in your spot, with your hands fisted on the towel, and sat like that for a while, leveling your breath. You mustered all the strength you had left, found your clothes and put them on. Then, you tied the blindfold, letting a piece of sleek material bring a shred of comfort and hide a pitiful glimmer in the corners of your eyes.

You joined Neil in the other room and sat at the table. He didn’t comment on your attire nor the choice of accessories, hell, he barely even spoke to you when he put the plate in front of you, as well as through the whole meal.

Even though you’d picked up your favourite comfort food on the way, it tasted bland, and with your stomach tied into a knot, you couldn’t force more than a few bites into your system. Judging by the sounds - or rather the lack thereof - coming from across the table, Neil’d lost his appetite too.

Finally, you cleared your throat, breaking the heavy silence. “I think I’m full,” you said and stood up, grimacing slightly.

“I’ll do the dishes, go lie down,” he said quietly. “Please.”

As if he anticipated an argument. You really had no energy for that.

“Thank you. Are you--...” you stumbled on the question, but Neil chimed in.

“I’ll be on the couch.”

...maybe it was for the best.

You nodded and turned on your heel to fetch a spare pillow and a blanket while Neil was occupied with the dishes. The ever-growing headache was becoming unbearable, but you hoped that the sweet arms of Morpheus would bring a much-needed release soon. You brushed your teeth quickly and mumbling “‘night,” you disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the door half open for god knows what reasons. Perhaps to make you feel less alone.

The plan of sleeping off the worst pain looked good on paper but proved to be too hard to execute. That bloody awful feeling of being tired beyond comprehension and still unable to doze off, right? You tossed and turned (although carefully), trying to find the most comfortable position. After a while, you took the blindfold off and curled on your side, staring into the nothingness again. Listening to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Forcing every breath through your clenched chest. Trying to focus on anything other than neverending soreness.

You heard Neil’s footsteps and how they stopped right at your door. Stalling.

And you didn’t even try pretending you were asleep. Waiting.

“Hey... I wanted to check if you need anything before I turn in for the night.”

The softness of his voice was tainted by something as if he was holding back. But you were so glad to hear it anyway.

“Actually,” you said, propping yourself on the elbow and wincing, “could you bring me one of those fancy painkillers, please? I thought I might do without for a little while but-- ...yeah, not quite.”

“Of course, coming right up.”

When Neil was back, you sat on the bed, allowing him to hand you a glass and ...a shot glass? You shook the latter slightly and something rattled inside.

“Ah, okay, smart,” you smiled with recognition. “Thanks.”

“Don’t tell me you thought it was vodka?”

A hint of amusement in his tone made you snort.

“I can’t say I would mind,” - shrugging, you swallowed the pill and washed it down with cool water - “but this is gonna be more efficient, I guess.”

You shifted in your spot to put down both glasses on a bedside table. Neil was there to make sure you actually placed them on top of it, pushing your forearm gently when you were about to create a mess.

That light touch brought a lump back to your throat. As if the awkward silence wasn’t suffocating you enough.

“If that’s all…” said Neil quietly, taking a step towards the door.

But you reached out into the darkness and found his hand.

“Neil…” you squeezed his fingers, desperately trying to convey words that eluded you. Your plea was barely a whisper. “...stay?”

The pulse pounded in your ears as the stillness that followed seemed to last forever.

Then, Neil squeezed your hand back.

“I will,” he choked out, and his thumb grazed over your knuckles. “Be right back.”

You nodded and let go of his hand, not even sure that he could see your gesture, then moved to the other side of the bed. The held-back breath escaped in a shudder as another wave of pain overrode your senses, leaving a trail of cold sweat down your spine.

A faint tock of the light switch in the other room, then footsteps and a pillow landing next to yours. Neil snuggled down, keeping his distance, and you curled again in your spot, hoping that his proximity will calm you down enough to fall asleep. But as you said your goodnights and Neil’s breath leveled and got deeper, you still waited on the pills to start working, getting more and more lost in your own head and thoughts you’d managed to keep lidded on until now.

Because if only you’d cracked that safe faster. Or maybe if you’d discussed that escape route beforehand, somebody would have found a better path through the roofs. No, scratch that, the plan was tight, and it was your goddamn fault that you’d gotten distracted by a sodding rain, of all things. And that jump? Bloody amateur hour. Should have seen that coming, stepped to the side, or caught onto anything. You’d been granted a second chance at that wall. But no, you’d had to panic like a bush-leaguer, as if it had been your first fall in your life. And now you were lying there, feeling sorry for yourself. Abso-fucking-lutely pathetic.

What if Madame Karma finally decided to make you pay? What if you were never going to get your sight back? A warm tear trickled down your face slowly. No more free runs and adrenaline rushes while taking shortcuts through the most obscure places. No more lying on the rooftops to observe how the sky changes colours through the night. No more sitting on the hill and watching how the sun reflected in the river. How it danced on that messy blonde hair. You would never see his blue eyes lighting up again--

Your chin trembled as the tears stained your pillow. It felt as if you were nothing but pain, fear, and heartbreak. Pressing your lips together, you stifled a sob that shook your body mercilessly. You were nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

You wanted to brush it off, to tell him you were okay and he could go back to sleep. But instead, you sniffled and whimpered, unable to pass any word through your tightened throat.

Neil gasped and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, hey, come here,” he said softly as his fingers pressed lightly onto your back, urging you to move and you shifted into his embrace, clenching your fists on his t-shirt, struggling for every breath. “I’ve got you, it’s okay, it��s gonna be okay,” he cooed, wrapping the arms around you gingerly. A much-needed reassurance whispered over and over again like a plea to anyone who could be listening.

Weeping quietly into Neil’s chest, you sought refuge in his closeness, clinging onto him as he held you and stroked your hair, waiting for the worst to pass. Soon, you ran out of tears, and there were just sobs, convulsing you whole like a heart-wrenching hiccup. Neil hugged you a little tighter, placed a small kiss on top of your head, and started humming, a melody barely more than a murmur. It felt familiar, but why?

By and by, the song and a steady heartbeat against your cheek weaved together and calmed your racing mind. Enough to finally let you drift off, with Neil’s soothing voice and warmth enveloping you, bringing comfort and hope for a better tomorrow.

-----

You should have known better than to expect something to be different when you woke up. Swallowing down the disappointment and resignation, you dug yourself up from under the covers. The pain dialed down, but was very much there, especially during sudden moves.

Maybe you would feel better if you washed your face, still a bit puffed after all that--

…oh shit.

Your brain halted, torn between making you cringe and spreading the warmth through your chest. If you were to survive the day, the key was not to think about what happened last night. At least you didn’t have to look him in the eyes, huh? Armed with a smile, albeit a bit sour, you grabbed some clothes on your way out and ventured into the quiet living room.

“Neil?”

For a split second you were sure he was gone, but--

“Over here.” Judging by the sound of it, here was somewhere near the couch. “How are you feeling?”

Concern. Obviously. He’d seen you at your worst, so there was no point in hiding your state.

“Like I’ve spent some time inside a cement mixer,” you sighed. “But better, thanks. What time is it?”

“Almost 3 o’clock.” A faint thud of a book being put down. “Are you hungry? I was about to fix something.”

It was a good moment for your insides to growl in confirmation, but at least this time your body decided to spare you. Although your stomach was pretty much cleaving to your backbone, all right.

“Oh yes, please.” You smiled with appreciation and raised a hand with a bundle of clothes. “I’ll join you in a minute.”

That minute took a little longer, as your mobility was still pretty lacking, but fresh as a (beaten-up) daisy, in a comfortable outfit and a blindfold, you followed your nose to the kitchenette.

“Smells delicious.”

A soft chuckle came through the sizzling. “Hope it tastes good as well, wanna try?” When you nodded, you heard Neil walking up to you. “Open your mouth, careful - it’s hot.”

You recognized the rich flavor as some variation of the Napoli sauce, perfectly balanced, and you could only hum in approval. Where the hell had he gotten those herbs from?

“It’s amazing,” you said, but couldn’t resist a little smirk, “or I’m just starving.”

Neil scoffed lightly. “Might be that.” There was a smile and a hint of pride in his tone, and it made you beam a little wider. “Come sit down.”

When you did, and a bowl of pasta landed in front of you on the table, your mind involuntarily went back to last evening. That tension. Sudden distance. Everything after that. What was worse, it seemed like you weren’t the only one thinking about it, because the silence that fell between you now grew heavy with unresolved issues lingering in the air.

But maybe you were misreading the room and you were fine.

“Listen, about yesterday--”

...or not.

Instead of letting Neil finish, you panicked, and before you could stop yourself, you used his moment of hesitation to blurt out, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I was exhausted and everything hurt and--” you frowned and hid the face in your palm. The shame felt like a tightening ring around your chest, making it hard to breathe. ”I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Wait, what?” huffed Neil, his voice filled with consternation. ”Jesus, no, that’s not what I meant, I--” he faltered and groaned, then added more softly, “Why are you even apologizing for that?” And when you shook your head, unable to find the right words, Neil gently touched your arm, rubbing it up and down slowly. “I’m glad you weren’t alone.”

Your heart clenched with fondness as you palmed over his hand.

“Thank you for being there for me.”

A twist of the wrist and a light squeeze on your fingers.

“Of course.”

Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

After a moment, you asked quietly, “If it isn’t about that, then what?”

A loud buzz cut through the air, the unexpected noise almost making you jump in your seat. Impeccable timing.

Neil picked the vibrating phone from the table. “It’s work, I have to get that.” His hand was still holding yours, reluctant to let go. “If I’m not done by the time you finish eating, two words: bed rest.”

“May I make it a couch rest, doc?” you grinned, and by the resigned sigh you could tell Neil definitely rolled his eyes at you.

“Just make yourself comfy and horizontal, all right?” A final brush of his thumb against your fingers and he was up, walking off from the table. “Hi, what’s up?”

Whatever they needed him for, it took so much time that you finished your meal and obediently moved to the couch. That unfinished talk left you anxious enough to nervously pick at the edge of the blanket, but as Neil was still lost in a hushed conversation, and the aforementioned blanket was way too cosy, you slowly drifted off into a dreamless nap.

You weren’t sure what woke you up - a shift on the other side of the couch, or a heavy sigh, one of those signaling the weight of the whole world on somebody’s shoulders. Hearing the latter was enough to wipe the remains of sleep from your system and you sat up, grunting slightly.

“What is it?”

Another sigh.

“I’m an idiot.”

You puffed your cheeks and shrugged, a corner of your mouth twitching in a nervous smile.

“Before I let out a purposeful no and kick you - why are you saying that?” Silence. “...Neil?” When the answer was not coming for too long, you moved to your knees, reaching out until you touched his shoulder. No reaction. Trying to keep a rising worry at bay, you urged him quietly, “Talk to me, please.”

Neil inhaled slowly and he finally spoke, his voice barely there.

“I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” you asked, knitting your brows together as you brushed your hand down his arm only to find his clenched fist, tightening even further under your touch.

“For yesterday, for letting it out on you, when you were just--” he paused to swallow audibly, and then continued, blurting out one strained word after another, “and all of that while this whole mess is my goddamn fault because if I hadn’t hesitated out there, we both would have made it in time--”

“No, no, no, you can’t do that to yourself,” you said, crawling into his lap and nestling between his legs, wrapping yours around his waist. “It was a perfectly normal reaction.” The pulse thumped in your ears when you placed one hand on Neil’s chest and the other one travelled up along his neck to cup his face. Then your thumb glided over a wet trail on his cheek and it felt as if your heart shattered into a million pieces. Oh please, no. “My darling...” you whispered, but it was as if Neil barely acknowledged you were there, trembling and lost.

He pressed his forehead to yours and continued, traces of dread ringing in his hollow tone more and more with every choked-out sentence.

“When I turned back and I saw that--….at first, I thought you’d been shot, then you fell and-- suddenly all I could think was if your oxygen container was intact, or--... I called the Cavalry on the way down but I was so scared I was too late, I thought--” his voice broke and you felt him frowning as he shuddered, struggling to carry on. “I thought that you were gone, and I didn’t--”

His heart raced under your palm while you kept stroking his cheek, consoling him softly, “Neil, I’m here, it’s all right, I’m here.” But when that didn’t seem like enough to bring him back to you, you reached to his neck to pull him closer and kissed him, desperate to make him stop spiralling down. To make him stop hurting.

A muffled whine against your lips. But then you felt him melt and he kissed you back, still helpless, wrapping his arms around you carefully as if he expected you to fall apart under his touch. Not quite there. You deepened the kiss purposefully, burying your hands in his hair, tugging at the strands as you pressed yourself to him as much as you could in your position. You didn’t care about your own pain or discomfort. If any of you were meant to be lost in any way, it might as well be this. Neil gasped and lifted you up so you properly straddled him, then tightened the embrace, clinging on to you for dear life as he captured you in another kiss, and this time it was his turn to try to convey the unbearable mixture of despair, relief, and immense longing. All of that poured into this simple act of devotion until there was nothing but pure need. To touch and to be touched. To hold and to be held. To be close. To be wanted. To be found.

A breathless moan escaped your mouth and Neil pulled back ever so slightly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly, his fingertips gliding over your features.

Oh, how much you missed looking into his eyes.

The fact that he cared, without simply going ahead with it, made your chest clench with fondness. At this point, you trusted him beyond reason, although it was still nice to hear it.

“I’m not made of glass,” you huffed, nuzzling his nose.

A low hum and a trail of kisses along your jawline. You shivered when his lips reached a spot just below your ear and then smiled against your skin.

“Are you sure?” his husky voice was playful, but you knew he was double-checking.

“Try me.”

That moment was not about chasing the high. It was about feeling each other. Being with one another. As close as possible. That couldn’t wait, and neither could any of you, tugging at the clothes in random order with urgency.

Neil looped his arm around your shoulders, settling you on your side in his embrace. Keeping you steady. Safe. Close. And even though his kisses were desperate and leaving you winded, his touch was gentle, and you knew the blue eyes were watching you attentively, ready to react to the smallest sign of discomfort. But also to any encouragement to go further.

A hitched breath. A leg hooked on his hip. Fingers dragged across his back.

He was ready to give you everything and take whatever you were willing to offer. And you wanted to do the same for him until everything else lost its meaning and it was just you and him, and the fire that burned inside you. Searing every nerve. Cleansing the doubts. Numbing the pain. Lighting up the darkness. And, in the end, bringing resolution as you both came undone, moaning and gasping for air only to be comforted by hands cupping cheeks and yet another kiss. Slow. Tender. Full of admiration.

When Neil drew back and shifted slightly, you whined in protest, wrapping your leg around him tighter to keep him in place.

“Where are you going?”

A quiet chuckle, followed by a feeling of a soft blanket sliding over your naked body. And a kiss on the tip of your nose.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You sighed with content as Neil pulled you closer again. The light stubble scratched your fingers as they studied the impossible angles of his face unhurriedly.

“Good.”

(next chapter ->)

#neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet fanfiction #robert pattinson #tenet #tenet fanfiction #neil tenet imagine #long nights

58 notes · View notes

frogtanii · 3 years

Note

It’s wind anon! Who...did not finish reactions yesterday hahhhh

Orz

The need to deal with school work...and also the fact wind anon has the need to take a nap any time of the day. Sleep... zzzzzz. Have a test and such tomorrow and another test on Thursday so I be busy...gonna do my best...get good grades...

But, might as well do a short reaction, at least on the outfits! Specifically Meiko’s! Okay, so I don’t want to comment on the blandness of her caption for the image. And uh, I don’t know what she is referring to by the styled by stuff but I got the gist by looking at the answers to the asks and stuff. Okay, so looking purely at her dress. I get what they were going for, but the shape is not flattering. Wind anon has to give credit where credit is, Meiko is fairly tall (in wind anon’s opinion) and she does diet and stuff and have a thin figure, so her proportions are decent. But the dress...all the mixed vibes. The black portions of it make her look real old, and that belt thing is not cutting it for me. It’s like...not cinching in her waist properly (which is what belts should do—>adjust fit and accentuate).

Besides that, the rest of the cloth. I think the navy is actually a good choice, but the sheen that comes with the square pattern...no no no. Eye catching in the worst of ways. The fact that it comes in that sort of pattern makes the dress look a bit more cheap, and it’s just...a lot.

Besides that, looking at Osamu’s outfit, Meiko’s is far too...gaudy. (Not meant to insult the person in the image wearing the dress or the people who made it—just trying to give my honest opinion on the suitability of the outfit and such). Osamu’s is nice—Black, clean lines, subtle, catches a bit of interest with the pendant/necklace. Thus, Meiko would have worked with an elegant and tasteful outfit.

Let’s keep the navy color as the base okay? So, we already have a general idea of what YN is wearing, and her dress has a slit in it, like the one Meiko has right now. Rather than having them both with that, I think Meiko’s should be regular, mid-thigh end with no slit. (Honestly, I think like...2 inches above knee would work quite well but we know Meiko is the type to flash more skin so, mid-thigh). I’m thinking skirt with a bit more volume, goes out a bit rather than skin tight like some of Meiko’s other stuff. Like it flares out before you get to the hips? But the top of the dress is still sculpting out the waist and bust a bit. Off the shoulder straps. Shoulders and arms be uncovered that way. And instead of being plain, it’s navy with navy lace. Maybe add some subtle silver thread embroidery at parts. But I think it would work fine without that. But to add interest, both the off shoulder straps and bottom of the skirt aren’t just straight, maybe like, scalloped edge idea with the lace. And of course, have Meiko with a necklace that pairs with Osamu’s.

For hair, pin it up. You can be more glamorous with it because the dress is low key and elegant. Say, some blue flower and pearl hair accessories. Y’know? Like hair carefully braided in bun near the top of her head, a couple strands around the face to frame it, the flowers inserted between the bun and the rest of her hair, then the pearls in select places to give attention (maybe the pearls in individual pins...). But it honestly would be okay if you just had a lace ribbon that matched the dress well enough—cohesion is important with outfit planning. Earrings could either be diamond/sapphire studs or pearl. Though something like an ear cuff and some thin falling earrings would also look nice.

I’m thinking like, lace wrist cuffs/bands would be cute. But not necessary. Would be nice to see some dark blue, shiny nail polish on those fingers though.

...ugh, she just...could’ve looked so good next to Osamu like this. Wind anon giving the eyebrow of judgement. They would also contrast with YN and Sakusa in the best of ways.

And before I forget, footwear. No stilettos. Nothing too tall. 3 inches at most. Dark heels, with a reasonably sized heel and a strap either at ankle or in front, doesn’t matter, just shoes that are plain in a sense, but elegant and chic and comfy for walking and stuff.

Wind anon is wrangling outfit with one hand at this rate. Like, there’s tons of lights at these types of events. The dress rn will make you look like very pixelated glowing TV screen when it’s in the dark. With the suggestion I’m making like—the pleasant sheen from the pearls, the tasteful glimmer from the earrings and necklace, the delicate lace that doesn’t distract from dewy skin—please, wind anon cannot stand what she’s trying to pull off rn when wind anon has this idea right here.

But okay, wind anon is done. Wind anon is gonna sleep, wake up, get through the day like she always does.

Done with the fashion ramble. Anyway, ending thoughts. Unicorn anon saying we can all marry each other... first time Wind anon ever got that sort of proposal. Flattering, flustering, and yet I sorta won’t mind the platonic affection. Hm, decisions~

Anyway, do take care of yourself fr0ggy! Drink plenty or water and other fluids, eat fruits and veggies, and sleep lots! I wish you very very well <3

hi wind nonnie!!! pls get some sleep >:( i hope ur test goes well <3333 &&& i rlly love how detailed u were in redesigning meiko’s outfit???? v much swag v much cool KSJSK also i wouldn’t mind giving u some (platonic) affection!!!! u deserve it kith kith <333

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #wind anon

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pwnyta · 3 years

Text

Genshin Impact character opinions (alphabetical)-

0/10 Albedo is my least favorite design... He looks so fuckin goofy and from what I know about his character the fact he looks so goofy is not great.... The shorts look so dumb and the blue of his shirt looks weird...

Just wanted to visualize my issues with his goofy outfit... wont be ‘fixing’ anyone elses.

10/10 So fucking cute. The colors are beautiful and well spread through the design, Zettai ryōiki. bunny theme...terrific. Ambers just perfect. Look at that fucking adorable face as well... look at her big ol smile and tell me she aint a 10/10. She’d get a 10 if all I ever saw was that big ol smile.

9/10 Barbara is adorable. Her costume is gorgeous. I love the white with blue and the gold accents. Very pretty my only gripe is the lighter blue on her bow...

10/10 Beidou is just gorgeous.... I love that shade of pinkish-red with the off-black and purple with the gold trim. Shes just so hot... also her English voice is also top tier which is irrelevant to my ranking... maybe but--

1/10 Bennetts not as bad as Albedo but god hes annoying to look at... and listen to.... he looks like hes a Kingdom Hearts knock off, the colors are weird, and he has the personality of s1 Ash Ketchum.... Im sure hes a swell lad... but

6/10 Chongyun I mean I love the color pallet and over all its fine. I think the onesie with the cropped jacket and the weird half robe is weird but it looks fine if I dont think about too much.

7/10 Diluc is pretty but not as fun to look at as some others. I do really like those red palm gloves. My biggest gripe is his shirt.... with the belt? WHAT? Sir do you know what a belt is for.....

8/10 Diona... so cute. I kinda just wish her hair wasnt pink. I dont like the pink in her design at all but other than that... super cute. I just noticed her gloves had little peets on them.... THATS SO CUTE.

4/10 Fischls color pallet (other than her hair) is gorgeous but other than that... hate the overall design... Im not opposed to sexiness... but come on....

7/10 Ganyu is very cute but idk whats going on with her outfit at all.... its a very confusing piece.... but I dont hate it...

7/10 Whoops forgot the new girl... Her designs cute... but it is a bit dampened by the fact I think about toilet boy Hanako.... but other than that very cute!

9/10 Jeans a hottie. Love her tight pants... is it too much to ask for more hot girls in tight pants? IS THAT SO WRONG?! I dont really like the weird open top bit or the red bits but I dont hate it either.

10/10 Kaeyas design is one of my favs. His color pallet is gorgeous, the design is cool, tasteful tiddie window... its great. Good for him. I’ll even excuse the spiked fingerless gloves which no other character could possibly pull off.

10/10 Keqing is gorgeous too. Again with the beautiful colors, a really charming outfit design combined with those little cat-ear buns. I do often see up her skirt when flying and climbing however and it makes me feel like a bad person LMAO IM SORRY KEQING!! I DONT MEAN IT. She seems like the type thatd be really embarrassed about it!!

10/10 Klee is so fucking cute. I kinda wish her eyes were green like her charm but the red is good too. That red and white with the warm brown is really nice, and you cant go wrong with a poofy hat! Shes so cute.

10/10 Lisa was designed to be a smoke show but she pulls it off better than Fischl. Love the roses throughout her design, the color pallet is on point, her hair matching the dull gold of the accents is really nice, a peak of Zettai ryōiki and her green eyes just POP. Shes beautiful.... I love her.

3/10 My issue with Mona is mostly her bottom half... I get that her tights design looks cool but with the rest of her vibe having her main clothing piece be like... a bathing suit? ITS A CHOICE and it ruins her design for me. Also I hate the baubles on the ends of her hair.... but her color pallet is real nice. I also like her bigger eyebrows...

10/10 Ningguang... also a total smokin hottie. Her colors are beautiful and really feel RICH. That brassy color and gold on white with the ginkgo designs... the bitch is just poppin. She looks fantastic.

8/10 Noelle is so cute... I like when I add her to my party and she gets all excited and eager to help... very cute. Her design is an endearing mix of badass knight and dutiful maid.... my only issue is her skirt.... looks kinda weird. Wish she had some petticoats to fill it out more. Also dont like that her roses pop out the way they do... reminds me of Shreks ears....

10/10 Qiqi is adorable I love Jiangshi, love the colors, wish she wasnt wearin horni thigh highs(I only ever see thigh highs squeeze thighs like that in l00d art dont come for me... I didnt design her.) but lolis gonna lol. But again her design is top tier. Shes so cute.

5/10 Razor... is kind of a mess but its largely the colors.... its a lot of weird colors. Also his design makes me think of the male MC... I literally thought he was like an AU version of the MC....

10/10 Sucrose is so cute. Again that white blue and gold look great... I like her frilly shorts and thigh highs.... her boots are cute... her hair color is a little weird but I dont dislike it. Kinda wish her eyes were a different color tho.

4/10 Childe is fine... but after seeing all the other Fatui designs and his own monster form I look at him like this and go.... REALLY? Thats what were goin with... alright... Also his whole design screams ‘fire’ to me not just colors either the shape of his mask and the pattern on his scarf thing.... its weird that hes Hydro.

10/10 I love the female MCs design... I chose the male MC because his colors popped more and im a dumb animal and was like ‘ooh shiny‘ but I think her design is a bit better over all...

9/10 Male MC is still good... its very cute. I like how she looks more suited to the Anemo and he looks more Geo... Thats pretty cool. I really like his colors... the browns/gold/white... its a striking look.

6/10 Ventis pretty cute... I dont get the weird... corset thing hes wearing, dont like his shoes,,, but other than that its pretty cute but nothing special imo.

10/10 Xiangling is so fucking cute. everything in her design makes me clutch my heart at how endearing she is. Love her. Weird color palette... its even weirder that it fully works.

7/10 Look I love Xiao hes a good lad so I cant be too harsh... but all the colors on his design look a bit weird which really brings his over all design down... which I think is cool over all.

9/10 Really cute design for Xingqiu! The colors are beautiful... I love blue and white and gold obviously and he even does it with more of an emphasis on the blue and its a greenish blue and it looks great. the top is just gorgeous, those frilly sleeves are super cute... not a huge fan of the shorts but I hear theyre comfy and easy to wear.

10/10 Xinyan just looks terrific. Cool and punky, great fiery color pallet, cool theme, cheeky personality without it being obnoxious.... Shes great! Weird voice tho... lmao

11/10 You cant tell me what to do! Zhongli is the only male smoke show in the playable cast for that he gets an 11 ok? I love a dumb old man. I do think the coat over his longer coat is a bit weird but I aint mad at it. Love the colors, very earthy, the subtle gold design on his pant legs are cool and really hes got a lot of cool bits on his coat, his face/hair are lovely. Hes a total babe.

A SUGABABE

#GI tag.

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chemiste · 4 years

Text

Foresight ~ ch.8

a/n : oof, i’ve been a bad writer! i didn’t update my story for a month, sorry y’all. please stay safe during quarantine and if you go to a protest, wear long sleeves, close toed shoes, nothing with brand logos, gloves and have a MASK!! covid is still here and spreading so be safe :)

masterlist

The jet was beautiful, and you expected nothing less for the rockstar in front of you.

Everyone had thankfully gotten through the security lines without a flash fan mob (bless sunglasses and big hoodies). Because you were taking a private jet, the group of y’all had to walk out onto the actual terminal and hop on an airport golf cart. Which sucked because it was still slightly dark out at 7am and 18 F/-10 C outside!

As another cart loaded up your suitcases to put them into the plane, your cart started to drive off towards the plane.

“Oh, Y/N?” Jeff turned to you has he was the one you sat next to in the flurry of events getting to the jet.

“Hm?” You looked up from your phone, having been scanning through some of the comments on your latest posts.

“I got a call from the intern and your extra luggage should be meeting up with us in Sweden.” You let the tension in your shoulders fall away from the good news.

“Thank you so much, it’ll be great to have a fresh set of clothing to choose from.” He gave you a smile and the cart slowed right in front of the high class air mobile you’d soon be in.

Everyone loaded up and before you realized the wheels had left the ground and you were on your way to Stockholm. Squishing into the comfy window seat you’d claimed, happy to be warm again, you pulled your laptop out of your backpack hoping to get through some pictures from the previous show and check up on your emails.

Harry and the band had dispersed throughout the plane, Sarah and Mitch sitting next to each other with the arm rest up so they could snuggle, Clare in the window chair facing opposite them with her book resting on the shared table between them. H was chatting with Jeff and Hélène in the seats in front of yours.

Ding!

1 New Email : Professor Clemet

Hello Y/N,

In regard to your recent email, I’ve spoken to the administrative board and because of your ‘certain situation’ we’ve decided to grant you impromptu abroad study. Please make sure to keep up with the assignments I post to the college online platform, as there are only a few left I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding a good source for photos.

Best of Luck,

Prof

You did a little fist pump in the air as you finished reading the email. You thanked the stars your teacher was okay with you basically missing the rest of the school year.

A body plopped down into the chair next to you. “Whatcha so happy ‘bout?” Harry asked.

“My Professor sorta just told me she knows I’m with The Harry Styles and that she doesn’t live under a rock so its fine that I do school online while we tour.”

He laughed, hitting his head back on the soft headrest.

“Well, that’s great news love.”

The rest of the flight was uneventful, basically just a bunch of tired musicians taking the couple hours they had to relax before the hustle started again.

A perk though was that you were all served a breakfast of toast, fruit, and yogurt. It definitely helped having something on your stomach before you had to brave the cold again.

As you all piled into the SUV Jeff had rented for time there, you turned to Harry who was sitting next to and offhandedly asked, “When do we get to the Air BnB?”

He looked at you with a confused expression as the car drove out of the airport.

“Huh what ‘re you—“

“Great news everyone, I’ve got a surprise!” Jeff said from the passenger’s seat, Hélène driving and paying attention the GPS on the dock.

“I’ve booked an Air BnB for the nights we’re here! It’s a big house that everyone will get to be hang out together in.”

The band cheered and Harry just chuckled, “That’s still so cool Y/N” he said looking up into your eyes again with a grin.

Jeff kept to his word, the house was big and very pristine.

The ceilings were high and boarded with white wood panels. When you entered the house, the living room was to your left; it had a glass doors instead of windows so you could open them all and walk out onto the wrapped around porch. The were two black couches, a large coffee table, and a fluffy cream rug.

About 15 feet in front of the door was a staircase to the second floor and them to the left of that the entrance to the kitchen. It had a bar that separated the living room and kitchen but space flowing as you could still see anyone from both rooms. The kitchen had a white marble island, the stove was to the back of the wall, the sink was the left wall under a cute window that had small white shutters.

To your right at the front door was a large glass dining table that had 8 glossy black chairs.

On the right side of the staircase was a hall way with a sliding door to cut off the living room from the rest of the house. The nearest door was open to a bathroom and them a few more doors that you concluded were bedrooms.

In conclusion, your jaw may have opened when you entered the home.

“Girls call the upstairs bedrooms!” Sarah yelled out, earning a few groans from the boys and patted up the steps with her suitcase in tow.

You followed her as she turned right at the top, taking the first room to the left. You went to 2nd door and rolled your luggage in.

It was a lovely room, the theme was a soft pastel purple but not too much that it gave you retirement home vibes. The tall ceiling had purple wood panels, the walls white. The white wooden poster bed was against the right wall, it was laid with a violet duvet and pillows with to small matching nightstand on either side.

The opposing wall had an antique dresser and a tv propped on top. To left was a small closet you guessed and to the right of it there was a sliding door to the en suite (that had a claw foot tub!!!!) and at the back wall were glass balcony doors cover with sheer white curtains.

The last piece of furniture was a desk on the left side of the balcony doors, set with a lamp and some pens in a mason jar.

You flopped on to the bed after you moved your suitcase to the other side of the bed. You took a couple seconds to yourself before sitting up and taking your boots off and hanging your wool coat in the closet then headed downstairs.

You heard the guys chatting to each other from their rooms, something about if Chelsea boots were superior to Doc Martins? You shook your head and went into the kitchen, you ran your hand across the sleek island counter.

Then an idea popped into your head.

What if I cook for everyone tonight?

A smile to hold of you face as a plan started to form in your mind. You pulled your phone out and connected to the wifi at the house (thanks to a little sticky note on the fridge with the router and password) and searched up the stores around and what you could probably scrounge up for 7 hungry people.

You raced upstairs, wrote the address and your grocery list down on a spare piece of paper with one of the mason jar pens. You changed into jeans and threw on a long sleeve undershirt and then black turtleneck, tucking them into your pants. You slipped your wool coat back on, buttoning it up and tying the belt. You tucked your gloves into the pocket with your phone and wallet.

As you exited your room and entered the living room, you were met with Sarah, Clare and Harry propped up on the the two couches, watching…

“Is that Twilight?” You asked, a bit of a laugh in your question.

The brown haired boy turned to you at the sound of your voice, “Yes it is, yo’ve got a problem wit’ it?”

You shook you head, a smile on your face. “I’m going to the market up the road to pick up fixings for dinner tonight, I thought I could cook for everyone as like a big thank you.”

Sarah cooed at your happy exclamation, “Thats so sweet Y/N, I’ll think I’ll come with you if that’s okay?”

You nodded, “The more the merrier!”

Clare stood up from the couch, “Me too, we’ll make it a girls outing.”

The girls started chatting and headed up stairs to get ready. You turned to the boy in front of you, now wearing a childish frown.

“What about me?” He whined, flopping back to starfish the couch.

“Sorry Styles, your hair needs to pass your shoulders, but since you’ve cut yours your out of the girls squad.”

He shot up from his seat, giving you a loud hey! as you doubled over laughing. Harry stood up and took his wallet out of his pocket, pulling out a sleek black card and tried to hand it to you.

“If I can’t come, at least let me pay for the groceries.”

“Harry no! I can’t let you do that, this is my treat!”

He thrusted it into your hands, “The treat is you making it, I don’t expect you to pay for 7 peoples worth of food as a college student junebug.”

You blew a raspberry, knowing he was right. “Fine, thank you.”

He clasped his hands in front of him and bounced on the balls of his feet like her was a kindergartner showing his mothers the macaroni necklace he made for her, “Not a problem lov’.”

The girls and you found the market easily.

You loaded up with zucchini, squash, some chicken breasts, lime and basil minute rice, and some yams. You grabbed a good bottle of wine as well.

Clare brought over some croissant and chocolate cookie dough, depositing both into the shopping cart.

Sarah grabbed cheese and crackers, as well as a tub of vanilla ice-cream.

The three of you checked out and bags in hand, headed back to the Air BnB. It was great time shopping with them, you felt like you got a bit closer to them both which was nice since besides Hélène (who had opted out of the shopping trip in order to look at photos) you were the only girls in the main traveling group.

Once back at the house, you unloaded the food, putting it away before slicing up the cheese Sarah had bought. You spread some crackers out onto the chopping board you had been using.

“Where is everyone else?”

You asked taking your coat, turtleneck, and boots off, then siting down on the couch next to Sarah and Clare.

The drummer grabbed a piece of cheese from the board while flipping through channels, “I think everyone is catching up on sleep, taking naps or working through emails, that sort of thing.”

You hummed and snuggled back into the cushions, watching whatever Sarah had set the tv to. The 3 of you watched a few episodes on HGTV, then stumbled upon The Golden Girls, which had you laughing till you sides hurt, and finally switched to The Prince and Me, commenting throughout the movie on the characters and situations they found themselves in.

As the credits rolled and the girls decided to turn the tv off and head upstairs to take showers, you checked the time. It was around 5:30, so you got up to start cooking.

As you marinated and seasoned the chicken, you looked to the stove to see where the timer was and instead saw something else that piqued your interest.

“Surround sound speakers? Hmm.” You tapped the panel that was on the left of the stove, which lit up and read ‘connect via bluetooth’. You grabbed your phone and hooked it up.

You scrolled through Spotify, debating what to play.

An idea popped into your head and you nodded to yourself, then clicked play on your playlist.

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey

You started singing to yourself, setting the timer once you found it and popping the chicken and yams into the oven. You chopped the freshly washed zucchini and squash, clicking your heels together and bopping your head to the beat.

Sarah, accompanied by Clare and Hélène, came into the kitchen.

Simmer down, simmer down

They say we're too young now to amount to anything else

But look around

We worked too damn hard for this just to give it up now

If you don't swim, you'll drown

But don't move, honey

You put the knife down and picked up the spatula, using it as a microphone and pointing to Clare.

“You look so perfect standing there

In my American Apparel underwear

And I know now, that I'm so down

Your lipstick stain is a work of art

I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart

And I know now, that I'm so doooooown!”

You sang, twirling her around as she laughed.

“Hey Y/N, can I pop this wine?” Hélène asked.

“Go for it.”

Sarah found some glasses as the resident photographer got the cork popper.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey

Grabbing a pan and cover, you turned a stove burner on and put the zucchini and squash with a glob of butter plus salt and pepper in to cook.

The girls sat at the bar, so you came over of the kitchen section to parade around the foyer/living room area.

Let's get out, let's get out

'Cause this deadbeat town's only here just to keep us down

While I was out, I found myself alone just thinking

If I showed up with a plane ticket

And a shiny diamond ring with your name on it

Would you wanna run away too?

'Cause all I really want is you

Before belting, you checked to see if the hallway door was slid closed, thankfully it was so you turned back to your audience and gave the performance of a lifetime.

You look so perfect standing there

In my American Apparel underwear

And I know now, that I'm so down

I made a mix-tape straight out of '94

I've got your ripped skinny jeans lying on the floor

And I know now, that I'm so down

Hey! Hey, hey, hey hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey

You look so perfect standing there

In my American Apparel underwear

And I know now, that I'm so down

Your lipstick stain is a work of art

I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart

And I know now, that I'm so down

During the song, you paused your jamming to see from your peripheral vision the sliding door open.

A just woken Harry came out in jeans and a t-shirt.

“Ohmylord, the food smells delicious. What’re you up to?”

He asked, watching you dance around him.

You smiled, “We’re singing!”

“Couldn’t you at least be singing one of my songs?” He huffed.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey

You look so perfect standing there

In my American Apparel underwear

And I know now, that I'm so down (hey!)

Your lipstick stain is a work of art

You checked on the food, putting your make shift microphone down.

“Y/N can you turn the volume up for next song?”

Sarah asked while Harry snatched a sip of her wine.

“Sure” you said and moved the dial up, making the end of the song louder.

I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart

And I know now, that I'm so down

“I can’t believe you listen to this Y/N, I’d never pegged you as a boy band type of girl.” H laughed.

You walked back over to the group as the ending notes of the song died out.

“Hopefully something better comes on.” He quipped.

You're insecure

Don't know what for

Everyone froze.

Harry’s back was to you as he had started for the couch, you were scared he might not be to happy to hear one of his pervious band hits.

You could see the girls at the bar waiting with baited breath.

You're turning heads when you walk through the door

Don't need make-up to cover up

Being the way that you are is enough

You saw him take a big breath and you immediately started into an apology.

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but you

“Harry, I’m so sorry I’ll go turn it off—“

“Baby, you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know, oooooooh ooooh

You don't know you're beautiful!”

You gawked as Harry bursted into song, all the girls’ shoulder’s sagging in relief. He came dancing over to you, twisting his hips to the song.

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know, oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful

You both sang to your hearts content, holding hands and twirling each other underneath your arms.

So co-come on, you got it wrong

To prove I'm right, I put it in a song

I don't know why, you're being shy

And turn away when I look into your eye-eye-eyes

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but you

Baby, you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know, oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know, oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful

“Na na na na na na na na na na… Na na na na na na…” He sang into your face with a scrunched nose, making it sound high pitched and squeaky.

You sang the same thing back to him, the same sort of strange sound coming out of your mouth.

Baby, you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

(You don't know, oh oh)

You don't know you're beautiful

Harry turned and bounded over the coffee table, hoping up onto it and belting the chorus.

Baby, you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know, oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful

Grabbing your phone, you snapped a picture of the crazy rockstar on the table top to post later.

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Harry made eye contact and pointed to you dramatically, serenading you with this specific part of the song.

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know, oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful

The song ended and applause erupted in the room, but you both held eye contact, breathing heavily from all the movement.

It was, strange, it’s like you seeing him in a new light all of a sudden.

A hand on your shoulder pulled you out of the trance, “That was fantastic! Oh gosh Harry you scared us for a second—“

Sarah went onto chat about the band and you shook your head slightly as you walked back to keep cooking.

Whatever that was, it’s over now so don’t dwell on it.

A half hour later, the food was served and the whole group was seated to dig in. You received a few mmm!s and Oh how I’ve missed home cooked meals, suffice to say: they liked it.

After plates were half empty, people started to chat a bit more, taking their time to finish.

“So Y/N, We about your crazy powers, can you tell us a bit more about you?”

Clare asked. You eagerly nodded and patted your mouth with the napkin before starting.

“Well, I’m in my senior year at NYU, studying Photography & Media Arts with a minor in Creative Writing.”

“That’s so cool! NYU?” Sarah commented.

You nodded and took a sip of water, “Ya, moved to Larchmont as a kid and got residency in New York and then worked my butt off to send a good portfolio in. But some miracle that accepted it and I got a scholarship on top of it which, not gonna lie, I bursted into tears on the subway when I read the email.”

Jeff scoffed, “I bet the superstar across the table couldn’t get into community college now if he tried.”

The table laughed at Jeff’s nudge to Harry and the offended expression he wore.

“Hey, I think I’d do pretty well! Even NYU!”

“Oh my Harry darling,”

You leaned on the table to get a bit closer,

“No Gucci loafers aloud.”

The group bursted into laughter as they watched Harry’s antics of waving his arms around in an X shape and mouthing NO.

You continued,

“I’m afraid you’d either get eaten alive by the business majors or absorbed into the philosophy department and never talk to anyone else again.”

The boys offered to clean up after which you were grateful for.

You took a shower and changed into new pjs!!! As your suitcases had been delivered to the house from the flight they came over on.

You came down the stairs in your dark navy long sleeve and legged satin ensemble (don’t forget the fuzzy socks!) to see what everyone was up to.

The dishes were done and care was busy making the cookies she had bought.

You flopped down next to H, it was like second nature for the both of you; while he watched Clueless he opened an arm up for you and you snuggled down into his side, propping you phone up on his stomach to post the picture you’d taken.

“What do you think?” You held the phone up to his face.

“I look good, post it.” You nudged him with you shoulder and smiled.

You did have to admit, he did look good.

The concert was amazing, of course.

You were sad to be leaving the Air BnB, but alas you had to go.

Jeff and Mitch loaded the last of the luggage into the SUV and you all climbed in at the early time of 5:30 to get to the tour bus that was still parked at the arena.

“Bye Stockholm.”

You whispered as you looked out the window of your bunk bed in the tour bus, inner curtain closed and ready to sleep again.

You took one more glance, and then closed the window curtain.

masterlist

#harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader series #harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles tour

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introvert-traveler · 4 years

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You know when you go on a date, and you realize that you like that person?

Well, normally I think I like a person, but I’m not 100% sure If I have a romantic interest in them. I think I could like them more if we keep hanging out, but I don’t know for sure.

But on this last one, if I think of how I acted, I already know... I was laughing and trying so hard make her laugh. I wanted to kiss her really bad. I was trying to get her to laugh constantly, and I succeeded a little bit. Everytime I noticed she was nervous, I was thinking how adorable it was, and smiling about it, because she was so cute. And she would notice I was smiling and would ask about it, and I’d say that it made me smile, and why was she that nervous? Was I making her uncomfortable?

I noticed her clothes to the point I could maybe draw them, If I could draw: The open light blue collar-shirt with whiteish buttons, that she had folded so her forearms were exposed. The small black tattoo on her right forearm. The darker light blue t-shirt that she had under, with blue lines and dots that made a drawing of a human face. The black leather with silver bracelet on her right hand. Dark blue skinny jeans. The only thing I can’t remember are her shoes. She had a navy blue short coat that looked so comfy, and she was a little bit taller than me, maybe 7-9cm, not much. Her short hair and eyebrows were extremely light, almost white, and her eyes so damn blue. I thought she was an elf, with sharply defined features. So handsome and pretty at the same time.

If I saw a picture of the open blue shirt, or the t-shirt underneath, I’d recognize it. And the bracelet.

I honestly can’t really say the same or all the others dates, save the first ghost girl. I still remember some of the things she was wearing out of the three dates we went; and her hair and eyes being also really light and blue.

If with all the others I got anxious and upset because I felt like I had done wrong, again, save the first ghost girl; with this girl -Miss Chemistry- I felt everything was going great till she mentioned the friendship vibes thing. And it felt like a bucket of ice was being thrown at me.

If with the others I had gone out with during December, I had anxiety tearing me apart while in bed, and was sad because I suck- with this girl I was trying not to cry as I walked away, because I didn’t want her to think of me as a friend.

I should also mention that she was sweet, cute, and kind. She remembered what we had chatted about, and the fact that I can’t accept people paying for me. She still offered me something I was surprised about, without really having to. She is amazing, and I was just hurt.

Two days later and I’m still thinking about this, and trying to read the messages she sends me with a little bit of hope... a hope that I constantly have to destroy.

The only one who didn’t make me suffer, or at least not at the beginning, was the first ghost girl. She asked me out again instantly, and the following day I knew I was seeing her again three days later. And each time she told me she wanted to see me again. Even if I did suffer a lot later when she ghosted me.

I didn’t cry this bad when one of the December’s dates told me she saw me more as a friend after a secon date. I was sad, but not crushed.

I’m still so crushed about this girl. I wish I could flirt, that people wouldn’t think I’m just friendly. That I wasn’t like Jane from Pride and Prejudice: friendly to everyone, even someone I’m interested in. But I just can’t avoid caring, I can’t stop myself from talking and being a general chatterbox. And I can’t read people.

I wish I had heeded to my own words, to the knowledge that even before we met, she said I was giving her the friendly vibes. But that is not how liking someone works, and I didn’t know that I’d like her till I met her. Even if I at least knew I enjoyed chatting with her.

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anneedmonds · 5 years

Text

Ruth Tries (Multiple) Trends

Just a quick one (ooh err!): last week I took a lot of fashion pictures for Instagram Stories, loved them all, realised they were kind of wasted on a platform that makes things disappear forever after a mere twenty-four hours and decided to post them on here so that they have a permanent place for all eternity. Or at least for a couple of hundred years.

God, imagine if someone is reading this in 2119. At school. Imagine if it’s on the curriculum as a historical text! “Crilly was widely regarded as the Shakespeare of her day. If you turn to page 154, you will see a whole feature she wrote on people putting objects into various orifices. At the time, this piece of writing was considered a work of contemporary art. Of course now none of us can write because we spend too much time in our reality TV headsets and we simply Ask Alexa if we need something, but if we continue through pages 155 to 176 we can see more of Crilly’s genius and live life vicariously through her magnificent words.”

Where was I? Fashion. There are some brilliant sales on, but my most-frequented always tends to be the Hush sale. I was sent some outfits to shoot, but I’ve just gone back in and bought a load of stuff that I suddenly realised would be outrageously useful. And some things that were so reduced I couldn’t resist, like this camo skirt* for £25.

Shop the Hush sale…*

Some of the items I shot for my Instagram Stories are in the sale, some are current collection and aren’t reduced – I’ll put the details below each section in case anything catches your eye. I feel as though some of these pictures should have been included in my “Ruth Tries Trends” category; we’ve got shorts worn with a jacket, camo print worn with lace… Next time, perhaps.

I’d like to also draw your attention to my wooden shoes; they sound massively impractical but are actually quite comfy, considering you’re basically walking on blocks of tree stump. They have a distinct “summer of love” vibe about them and make everything you wear with them (pretty much) look like it’s from Chloe. I mean, don’t test that statement to the limits – it’s not a challenge – if you wore the wooden shoes with a day-glo unitard and a top hat it would be distinctly un-Chloe. But floaty dresses and bits of denim and huge sunglasses all work very well.

You can find the shoes at Office here* – they were £65 and I’ve worn them a lot, so already excellent value for money. They also make my feet look slim and tanned. It helps that I’ve had a gel pedicure, but there’s something about tan leather that makes you look – well, tanned.

This was supposed to be a short and sweet post with lots of photos and I’ve wittered on for ages, so let’s look at some clothes and the non-existent trends that I’ve basically made up because I couldn’t think of a better post title.

Lace with Camo

Right, this has been around for ages and never gets old. It’s a version of “parka with posh dress”; something feminine and pretty roughed up with some military green and stiff fabric. I have to say that the dress is incredibly lovely on its own, I felt like an old-fashioned milk maid but one with a sexy secret, and the camo jacket is a handy little thing that would probably see you through to mid-Autumn.

Shop:

Office Wooden Heeled Shoes* £65

Joline Lace Dress, £89*

Camo Military Jacket, £75 down to £50*

Shorts with Jacket

It’s sort of a statement wearing shorts with a jacket isn’t it? It’s especially a statement if you have a vest, jumper and jacket on the top half and then bare legs. What are you saying with this statement? Look at my legs! Sometimes it’s necessary, especially if you’ve just put a load of Vita Liberata Body Blur* on them and they suddenly look like they belong to a person who eats a macrobiotic diet and spends their life on the beach. (Almost.)

Sidenote: I think that if I had to pick one summer beauty staple, it would have to be Body Blur. Every time I use it, without fail, someone comments on my legs. Asks how I get them so glowy and smooth. Wonders whether I’ve been away on holiday. Even if they are stubbly and pale underneath, the surface finish makes people think that I have holiday legs.

No, Patricia, it’s all fake!

You can find Body Blur here* – I use the shade Latte and I must say that it’s pretty shocking when you first apply – it looks very dark. Latte Light is a better match for me but I think it’s in my car glovebox. (Don’t ask.) If you were incredibly fair then I’d go for the one called Cafe Creme, and there’s also Latte Dark and Mocha. You can find them all here* and at FeelUnique*.

The chino shorts I’m wearing are so comfy. I don’t get on well with shorts anymore, they never have the right leg/waist ratio, so if I get them big enough to accommodate my hip girth then the legs and bottom are gapey and loose. If I get a good fit on legs and bottom, I have to virtually shoehorn my stomach into the waistband. These: perfect ratio, and they’re not even elasticated! You can find the chino shorts here*.

Shop:

Vita Liberata Body Blur in Latte Light*

Chino Shorts, £45*

Lucky Sweater, £79 down to £55*

Joyce Jacket, £75*

Too-Short Trousers

OK I know this isn’t a trend, it’s just a type of trouser length – cropped – but I’ve never been that down with it until now. I always thought that cropped trousers looked stupid (and still mostly do when it comes to those wide-legged ones) but in reality they can be quite flattering. Ankles nearly always look good – neat and trim – and so having them a bit revealed, like a naughty Victorian temptress, can only mean great things.

I don’t know why these particular cropped chinos are called girlfriend chinos; are they supposed to be ones you’ve borrowed from a/your girlfriend, or ones that you’d wear if you are a girlfriend? Who knows! Same with “Mom” jeans: are they for moms, or from moms? And what of boyf – you know what, I’m going to stop now.

Love the bright pink Love t-shirt with the plain black chinos. I may have to add the pink chinos* to my basket too, though I should warn you that the same size chino (UK 12) as the cargo shorts has a much smaller waistband. It garrottes me somewhat, in places that shouldn’t be garrotted, but such is the price we pay for eating eight huge meringues in one sitting whilst watching season two of Big Little Lies.

Shop:

Girlfriend Chinos, £75*

Love Tee, £35 down to £30*

Hever Canvas Trainers, £38*

A note on the canvas trainers: I like that the stripes elevate these from simple plimsolls to something a bit funkier. Plimsoll Plus. So far I have managed to keep them pristinely white, even over the course of two days in London, but we all know that it only takes one child/dog/cat to decide to stand on your feet and all will be lost. Why do kids and animals do that? Trample on the tops of your feet? It’s such an odd thing to do…

Right, that’s it for now – let me know if you find any amazing bargains. I’ve just seen that Soho Home has a sale on, so I’m going to go and see if I can find a light for the utility room!

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