#at the end of Impulse i don't see a character who would take a helping hand. I see an angry teenager who just had their world shattered.

[dementedspeedster]

[See tags for more info]

I think one thing people don't take into account with Thad, especially when it comes to his post-Impulse appearances, is anger.

Specifically, how it is such a strong motivator and how it is not always rational. How he still goes after Bart in his post-Impulse comic appearances makes sense when you look at it from the perspective of anger and how Thad is such a prideful individual.

His actions can easily be chalked up to displaced anger towards Bart because 1.) He can't exactly go after President Thawne because he views him as a father/his creator (I assume standing up to him would be incredibly difficult because he views him in such a way but also Pres. Thawne's also proven himself to be manipulative and controlling) and 2.) because Bart had a part in essentially ruining his life or at least the perception of life being good. Bart played a part in shattering the truths of Thad's life. Thad thought his life was fine, that he was going to make his family proud of him, that he had a part in it, that he was family to the Thawnes, but instead he learned that he was being used, manipulated, and that he was unloved.

If you, a prideful individual had your perception of reality shattered by someone would you take a helping hand from the person who shattered your reality? I think not. So instead he goes after Bart. He's someone that Thad can actually hurt. Someone he can take his emotions out on. It's misguided and maybe not rational to the readers who understand his situation better than he does, but Thad is a misguided character.

I think his anger towards Bart is what prominently drives him post-Impulse actions and that it should be taken into account more.

[sillygoofyqueer]

Silly fic idea for you:

SVSSS AU where Shen Yuan transmigrates as a half-human half-crow-demon Phantom thief character.

He doesn’t want to steal from Bing-ge, but his System makes him, and naturally Bing-ge ends up obsessed. Bing-ge keeps luring him into traps with shiny things he just can’t help but want!!! Stupid crow impulses. (That he kinda wants to see Binghe again is irrelevant, obviously).

This is SUPER silly. Anon, this is so funny, I feel like I simply have to write this now oh my god. The idea that Bing-ge is confused at first, and he then sees this super handsome half bird-half human-demon thing and is like "man I need to get me more shiny things, I want to keep this fucker". ALSO, (I've heard that) crows are quite intelligent and start leaving presents as a response to getting fed or being given shiny things, so it could also be something where Shen Yuan starts having the urge to give Bing-ge things back after receiving all these shiny things (better if he doesn't recognise most of the traps as traps, mistaking Bing-ge for being a generous demon who doesn't need all of the shiny stuff he takes) and starts giving him shit like rocks and plants and the cool parts of beasts he fights... It also can be silly no matter when in the timeline this happens - it could be during the QJ peak arc where Shen Yuan sneaks around because he wants to see the awesome protagonist up close! The first time he steals something from Bing-ge, it's something super dumb like a particularly shiny rock or a coin that the boy left lying around, and Bing-ge's quickly like "??? The fuck just happened?" so he sets up a trap with the axe he uses for chopping wood (kind of rusty but still useable and particularly shiny). After that, it's chaos of trying to keep Shen Yuan the demon hidden while also stopping him from stealing other shiny things (cultivator's swords and such). Liu Qingge finds Shen Yuan trying to steal one of the swords he was gifted after saving a village and is also like "??? Kill?" It can also be after the Endless Abyss, when Bing-ge is like a demon lord and just has shiny stuff lying around. He throws it out occasionally and one day, while doing this, he notices a certain person swooping in and grabbing one of the shiny things. More antics ensue but I don't want to crash my laptop lmao (Which one would you rather me do, anon? Before the Endless Abyss, or after? Or both??) {part one! Part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven!} [This gorgeous fanart from @slurmdog that's making me go insane here] [More awe inducing fanart from @moonlightobsessions that has made me pass out here]

[ieatcocoa]

Sweeter Than Hunny

Characters: Alastor/Fem!Reader

Reader's POV

Word Count: 1.6k

Important: 18+ minors do not interact. established relationship (?), accidental food play, use of honey, teasing, hickies, kissing, suggestive

In which Alastor indulges in your sweet tooth...

Divider credits to plutism !

The hotel is quiet. There is no sound except for the occasional creak of old flooring, caused by a particular serpent slithering around in the dark. While his hobby may be relatively harmless, it is still unnerving; the sizable goose egg on his forehead is a reminder of what you detest. During your stay, you have developed an interest in zodiac signs. Unfortunately for you, snakes embody stubbornness, and you are far too exhausted to give his knot a twin.

In your hands, the small porcelain cup radiates a comforting warmth that seeps through your fingertips and palms, soothing away the remnants of your tension. You take a moment to savor the aroma of the delicate brew before bringing the drink to your mouth.

The hell?

Immediately, your eyes widen in surprise, a deep grimace forming on your lips as you register the unexpected taste. A sharp bitterness lingers on, contrasting the anticipated sweetness. With a determined resolve to salvage your tea time, you set down the cup and rise from the couch. Making your way to the kitchen, you move around the familiar area effortlessly, and the pitter of your footsteps reverberates softly against the tiled floor. There is only one thing that could salvage a brew that harsh:

Ah ha!

Nestled among the pristine shelves sat your beacon of hope—the honey jar. As you retrieve the sweet treat, you cannot help but notice the signs of wear and tear that mar its once-pristine surface. The edges of the ceramic vessel are chipped and worn from its countless journeys to and from the pantry. Traces of sticky residue cling to the sides of the pot, and the substance adheres to the surface of your hands, creating an uncomfortable sensation. Would it kill folks to wipe it down after use?

Your gaze trails along to the lid; it sits slightly askew, showing signs of repeated twisting and turning, an ode to the desire with which it has been opened and closed numerous times. You shift your grip to the handle and run a finger over the smooth texture. The once-vibrant color faded to a dull patina. And yet, despite its weathered appearance, there's a certain charm to the honey pot—a sense of history and nostalgia that lends it a unique character all its own.

Almost everyone utilizes it, and is probably the only thing you can all agree on. To see it so well-loved and appreciated brings a smile to your face, knowing that the gift aids in adding a little extra sweetness to the lives of those who call the hotel home.

Corny. Maybe Charlie's exercises are starting to rub off on you?

Balancing the pot carefully, you retrace your steps to the living room. As you enter, you are frozen in surprise at the sight before you. There, seated comfortably on the couch, is Alastor, his crimson eyes glinting with delight as he regards you with a ceaseless grin. "Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite resident! I seem to have caught you at an unfortunate time; don't you agree, sticky fingers?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha." You release a sarcastic chuckle before softly placing the container on the end table next to your cup. "Just indulging in a little tea break, nosey. I was in need of something to sweeten up my evening." As you settle onto the couch, a mischievous impulse stirs within...

With a dramatic, drawn-out hum, you casually prop your socked feet up near his thighs. "Ah, of course! I should have just called on you! You're sweeter than Hunny." Alastor, ever the picture of composure, arches an eyebrow at your antics, his expression a mix of amusement and bemusement. With a subtle flick of his wrist, he not-so-gently pushes your feet aside, his movements refined yet firm as he maintains his personal space. Undeterred by his subtle rebuff, you respond with a pout, forming your lips into an expression of dismay. "Nevermind, I lied. You're as bitter as death."

"Oh, you wound me, crude woman! Boo hoo. I'm afraid my legs aren't meant to serve as a footrest." He quips his tone light and teasing. With a roll of the eyes, you relent, withdrawing your feet with a dramatic flourish. "Fine, fine. I'll behave... for now." You concede that your impish demeanor was undimmed by Alastor's gentle reprimand. "What are you doing up so late anyway?" It is a silly question; however, that does not stop you from asking.

His gaze flickers to the poorly paned ceiling above before emitting a deep sigh, the faint rumblings of his static audible to only the most precise listener. "You know me well enough to know that sleep is but a distant acquaintance," he responds. Of course, you did; this isn't the first time you've graced each other in the dead of night, and it certainly won't be the last. Though the longing to know why always leads you to ask such foolish questions, some things are better left unsaid.

You sit up; your attention is now drawn to the end table, where the tea waits. With deliberate movements, you reach for the dipper, plunging it into the golden pool of honey snuggled within the pot. As you drizzle the viscous nectar into the cup, a sweet aroma fills the air, mingling with the soft glow of lamplight that bathes the room in a warm embrace. The gentle clink of wood against the ceramic echoes in the quiet of the night. "If you're up for a chat, I'm all ears." Alastor leans forward slightly; his expression reflects mock seriousness as he addresses your suggestion. "Well, my darling doe," he begins, his voice dripping with lively charm, "I'm afraid the only topic of conversation that truly piques my interest tonight is your rather unhealthy indulgence in sugar."

As you stare him down, a snort escapes your lips. "Really now? Is that what you want to talk about?" Alastor nods solemnly. "Indeed. I'm afraid I simply can't let such an important matter go unaddressed," he replies, his tone dripping with exaggerated concern.

Oh please!

"Don't be such a killjoy," you say while shaking your head in protest. "A little sugar never hurts anyone. Besides, eternity is too long for me not to indulge now and then." He lets out a scoff while waving a hand dismissively through the air. "A little sugar, you say? From what I've witnessed, your intake is hardly what I would call a little. I'm quite surprised your teeth haven't rotted out of your mouth by now.” While he spoke, you took a hearty sip of the tea, hoping that the addition of honey had tempered its bitterness.

However, much to your dismay, the drink remains as bitter as before, causing you to smack your lips. You make a mental note to avoid buying products from this brand in the future.

As Alastor continues his tirade about the perils of sugar, you half listen with a good-natured smile. "Well, I'll be! I didn't realize you had become the new spokesperson for Hell's Dentistry. Should I expect to see your face on toothpaste commercials anytime soon?"

His expression shifts almost imperceptibly as his once-toothy grin tightens into a thin line. The sudden change in his demeanor is comical, almost cartoonish, and you can't help but burst into laughter at the sight. While you laugh uncontrollably, you attempt to add more honey to your drink. The fit of giggles proves to be too much, causing you to fumble clumsily with the pot. With a sudden jolt, a small stream of honey escapes the confines of the container, dribbling down the wooden dipper and onto the carpeted floor. Determined not to waste any more of the precious nectar, you quickly lean down, attempting to suck the excess honey from the dipper. However, your efforts only result in more hilarity, as the honey dribbles messily down the side of your mouth. It beads slowly onto your neck, leaving a sticky trail in its wake.

"Shit." A mumbled curse leaves you while you place your cup down. Resigned to the mess made, your hand attempts to wipe away the sticky residue, only to find it stubbornly clinging to the skin.

Alastor, ever the opportunist, rises from his seat and approaches. Without a word, he leans in close, his tongue darting to lap up the mess that coats your neck. The sudden sensation sends a violent shiver down your spine, and a sigh catches in your throat from the warmth of his tongue. His lips close around the spot where the honey pooled, his mouth sucking at the sticky sweetness with a hunger that nearly has your knees buckling. Oh, how you wish he'd bite down. Your hands reach out to weakly grasp onto his shoulders for support, the material of his coat bunching up under your hold.

He remains an enigma; his actions are always veiled in layers of mystery, and this moment is no exception. Any questions floating around in your head about why are fizzed out. After all, some things truly are better left unsaid. With a soft pop, he releases the patch of skin, and his tongue trails upward to linger at the corner of your mouth. His touch is delicate yet possessive, a silent declaration of his presence and desire to explore.

Weakly attempting to lighten the atmosphere for your sake you manage a joke, your lips curling into a faint smile despite the lingering heat between you.

"What happened to sugar being an unhealthy indulgence?"

Alastor’s response is immediate yet measured; his gaze gleams with a newfound intensity as he finishes lapping. His tongue traces a final path before your lips meet in a sickeningly sweet kiss.

"I suppose I am starting to see the appeal, my dear!"

Thank you so much for reading ! <33 Inspired by hazelfoureyes !

[rabbitsrants]

What do you think of D.C.'s M26, do you think it was just a fire of pairs for us Shinran?

SPOILERS FOR MOVIE 26

i think, in total there are two significant shinran moments worth talking about

i enjoy certain elements of the first scene:

ran impulsively goes after a member of the black organization and puts herself in danger because he poses a threat to haibara. their fight is AMAZING, i love how ran dominates pinga despite him attacking her with a knife

something similar happens in the manga as well (chapter 434), so the writing for ran absolutely tracks here

chianti sees the fight and interferes by attempting to shoot ran - shinichi barely manages to save her in time

here's the thing: i absolutely hate the writers for often reducing ran to a damsel in distress in these movies, that's an issue i'll further analyze in a bit

with that being said, i don't mind shinichi saving ran in this scene. it's an impactful shinran moment, cause so far the writing is similar to the manga

the only difference between chapter 434 and this movie is the fact that shinichi actually sees what's happening and is able to actively protect ran. i don't have a problem with that, because that's what shinichi and ran do - they protect each other.

what i love even more is how shinichi decidedly urges ran to stay put, i think that's also very in character for him:

he wants ran nowhere near the black organization, for very specific reasons that i'll get into another post

so far, this is a well executed scene, right? it's a very realistic, high-stakes moment that we'd expect from the manga. so far, so good, right? RIGHT?!

no. cause this is where the movie writers fuck up:

W H A T

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! SHE ACTUALLY STAYS?! AND WHEN SHIN TELLS HER TO RUN, SHE RUNS?! WHAT?!

this is is supposed be ran??? no fucking way.

my girl is the definition of reckless and stubborn. she's not just the type of person who'll enter a burning house to save a girl she barely knows (chapter 174), she's also the type of person who refuses to waste a single second when human lives are at stake. no matter how much shinichi begs her to stay away.

chapter 640

and she does this in chapter 822 on the mystery train as well: shinichi yells at the detective boys, sonoko and ran, he tells them not to leave their room, no matter what. and ran repeatedly attempts to go against his instructions because she's worried about haibara, despite receiving a text message that she's okay, btw. ran's intuition tells her that something is wrong with haibara, so she's gonna fucking look for haibara!!!

i need the movie writers to understand that my girl is absolutely unhinged. she cares about other people very deeply, to the point where she's incapable of watching from the sidelines as they potentially get hurt

so how would i have written this moment? what would've been a more realistic version of this scene?

shinichi and ran get into an intense fight: shin desperately urges ran to stay put, she refuses to listen. and then there'd be two possible outcomes:

a) ran continues to go after pinga and dies in the process (remember, ran was fully prepared to die for haibara in chapter 434)

b) shinichi realizes that he can't stop ran and offers her a safer way to help. ran accepts and they work together as a team to get haibara back

why didn't the movie writers go for this approach? my theory: they don't want ran to take a bigger role in these movies, so option b) was a no-go for them. obviously it'd make even less sense for them to kill off ran, but like i already explained, there's no way ran would just give up on haibara in that moment

so why include this moment at all? what's the point of starting such a strong scene if you're not gonna progress the plot?

the point is ran being a damsel in distress.

which brings me to the second shinran moment in this movie:

ran goes after pinga again and he kicks her off the balcony, she's about to fall and get hurt

kuroda ends up saving her and shinichi feels inadequate

..............

AGAIN, THERE'S NO PLOT PROGRESSION, THE ONLY POINT OF THIS SCENE IS TO MAKE HER LOOK WEAK

idk who this woman is but this ain't ran

HERE'S RAN FUCKING MOURI FOR Y'ALL

a woman who's consistently depicted as strong, fierce and very capable of protecting herself:

chapter 43

chapter 169

and that's not to say that shinichi doesn't worry about her sometimes, ofc he does:

chapter 493

but that doesn't take away from the fact that she's a fucking badass who can defend herself

and it's not just that she's capable of protecting herself, she protects shinichi too.

chapter 5

..........

it's like the movie writers read the manga, took note of moments where shinichi comes through for ran but completely forgot that it's mutual, they come through for each other:

chapter 389

chapter 1050

the movie staff doesn't get ran, they seem to have no idea how strong or caring she is and i hate how much it's hurting the fandom's perception of her

in conclusion:

visit the shinran library for more

[mari-lair]

Let's talk about Natsukane, my favorite rarepair. They barely have anything in canon, so this will be less of an analysis and more of me going disproportionately insane about a ship between two characters with no screen time together. Buckle up.

To start: They are opposite sides of the same coin.

During an official quiz to see what character best matches your personality (full quiz here) Akane and Natsuhiko's results are side by side, following the same path, so they have a lot in common.

Both are the extroverted and passionate kind of people who confess first, both like to exercise, and both have secrets, only differing on the question "Are you stubborn?" which makes sense, since Natsuhiko is usually pretty laidback while Akane is stubbornness incarnated.

Despite all these similarities, the results and 'advice' for each result are very different.

Akane is "Do your best to help your loved ones. Life can be unfair, but keep working hard." vs Natsuhiko's "People trust you. Make connections, they will help you in the future."

Give and take.

Akane is selfless to the point of concern for his loved ones, putting other needs above his own. Take Aoi for exemple: He wants a lot from Aoi, her attention, her love, her hand in marriage, but above it all, he wants her to be happy, always doing what he believes she will appreciate even when he personally doesn't enjoy it, cause if she is happy, so is he.

Aoi drives this impulsive and passionate boy crazy, but when Akane learns that she likes him back, and their kiss gets interupted, the only thing he demands of her is for Aoi to be in his life. His priority is for her to feel loved and safe, not to be her boyfriend.

Natsuhiko is also extremely down bad, but he is more selfish: Most of what he does has the goal to steal Sakura's heart, and he approaches her doing things that he likes (love songs, dramatic film-like dates, etc) not things that Sakura has personally ever shown any interest in. I don't think he even realizes he does that because Natsuhiko genuinely values Sakura and is in awe of her, we see him doing whatever she asks, we see him make tea for her, ask Mei to fix her elephant cup, be willing to 'become a woman' when Sakura gets a male body, and shows his devotion to her many times.

He genuinely pays attention to her. He is trying his best.

We don't have much to work with Natsu and Sakura, so this is more speculation, but it feels like he expects to be loved back, becoming more selfish when he is particularly desperate: Like trying to touch her whenever he can even after being consistently reprimanded for it, and going as far as to try to give Sakura a love potion that would force her to love him back for a day, prioritizing being loved.

Akane is old-fashioned when it comes to love, he'll date expecting it to end in marriage and push away all else, being open about his affection and lack of interest alike. A relationship is a lifelong commitment to Akane, no fooling around!

Natsuhiko also takes romance seriously, but he is no loverboy, he is a playboy.

We don't know if he ever dated or kissed a girl before Sakura, but we do know his love for Sakura doesn't stop him from flirting around. He was even down to kiss Nene for no real reason besides 'cute girl', claiming that being hit is a normal reaction, so he tried to kiss more people before (I'm assuming Sakura is the one rejecting his kisses, but there could be other cute girls he tried to kiss before, who knows?)

Akane doesn't like that.

One of the few times they are in the same panel shows Natsuhiko basking in the attention of many girls while Akane looks done with him.

I am pretty sure Akane has not seen Natsuhiko before this point, so Akane took one look at him and went 'the vibes are off, fuck this guy'. Meanwhile, I doubt Natsuhiko spared Akane any thought, he doesn't care about Akane as a person.

Natsuhiko is a friendly guy but he is detached from his peers, he can find charm in people easily and discards them just as easily: Wanting to kiss Nene, going 'oh well' about her lifespan. Doting on Mitsuba, hurting him when Mitsuba still had no Yorishiro. Not hanging out with anyone from his class, or mentioning a family. He is so detached from people, and supernaturals alike, that he is fine with destroying the world for Sakura.

Meanwhile, Akane judges people easily and grows attached to them just as easily. Reprimanding Nene for being too soft on Hanako, but consistently helping her out, and showing care for her. Forgiving Teru's consistent bullying after he is helped and even growing a reluctant fondness for the clock keepers that ruined his life.

Akane is described as a good person by his peers, and Natsuhiko is a self-proclaimed bad guy. Akane has a belief human lives are fragile and precious ever since he was 12 and nearly lost Aoi during his orientation day. Natsuhiko can't die, and he doesn't care when people die.

They are on opposite sides in every sense of the word but they have a lot in common.

Both are seem as easy to take advantage of: predictable fools who love their crush, but they are smart people who can read others well, and know how to weaponize what they have available.

They haven't interacted with each other all that much so they seem to have this 'predictable fool' view of each other too. Or at least, Natsuhiko does.

Both have brown/red hair.

Both have no self-preservation, and easily forgive or brush off when others physically hurt them. They don't fear death.

They are shields, the guards.

Both are pawns of someone else, Akane's boss is the clock keepers and Natsuhiko's is Sakura, their goals come second to their boss's orders most of the time. They have no interest in each other personally but they work for supernaturals whose main obstacle are each other.

I doubt they'll have more interactions, but what we have is enough to have fun.

The broadcasting club clearly considers Akane the weak link of the clock keepers, so imagine Natsuhiko was tasked to get Akane's trust, coach him into destroying the yorishiro, playing the long game, similar to how he and Sakura were chill waiting for Mitsuba to find a Yorishiro.

Akane is the most stubborn of the two, and he sees Natsuhiko as untrustworthy, so I can't see him falling for his 'reliable and kind senpai✨' charade, but I can see him being arrogant enough to fall for the 'this guy is a dumbass' vibe Natsuhiko emanates in waves. Akane has the disadvantage of caring too much too fast, people show him kindness and he is unconsciously inclined to reply in kind, people are insensitive to others and he gets angry, so he isn't that hard to approach or drag around if you learn to ignore his complaints. They can have a lot of 'bonding time' regardless if Akane actually vibes with him.

I think Natsuhiko would have a detached respect for Akane. Cause while Natsuhiko isn't a kind person, I do believe he appreciates kindness.

Take Mitsuba's surprise party for example: The party was clearly Sakura's idea. Natsuhiko is more interested in pleasing Sakura throught it than in cheering up Mitsuba, using the party planning as a way to bond and celebrate with Sakura.

But despite having no blush, no comment, no spark in his eyes when he looks at Mitsuba being happy, he does seem to feel a hint of something that makes him ask Tsukasa to chill.

So kindness is possible it simply doesn't come easy for him, is not something that has a big sway on his decision. He likes being a bastard way more, look at how happy he is to do Sakura's evil schemes!

So Akane would be a pain in the ass for him. Maybe even pluzzling but mostly an annoyance that's prone to getting violent when Natsuhiko says 'the wrong thing', be it verbal violence or a punch in the face.

And Natsuhiko would absolutely say the wrong thing.

He is a decent liar, very disarming, and hard to read. But he is also careless, he may be able to make someone like Kou lower his guard even when the young exorcist's instincts go "You are sooo suspicious" but Akane isn't dismissive of these things. (compare how Kou was able to dismiss Hanako's murder after seeing the ghost do a good deed in chapter 9 while Akane still eyes Hanako harshly to this day)

Will Natsuhiko put effort into looking like he is Akane's buddy? Will he take him on friendly hang-outs at the broadcasting club? Yes. Will he stop being dismissive about other people? Will he stop flirting with many girls? No. Even if Natsuhiko gets swept by Akane's passion and genuinely tries to help, like offering Akane a love potion so he can 'get' Aoi or taking him to have a 'glow up' in the mall, it wouldn't work, cause their approach is too different. Who he is and the 'kind and reliable senpai' image he wants to sell clash.

So we have a lack of trust that doesn't go away, for every nice thing Natsu shows, he has an equally bad trait. Either Akane doesn't drop the 'yo you suck' attitude or he finds himself relaxing, only to be slapped in the face the next day at the reminder Natsuhiko may be able to disarm him with idol songs, bad love advice, asking Akane for his assistance, but he is still not a good person.

Speaking of disarming, here is a tiny tangent: Natsuhiko is the only character who gets a comment on how he smells, not even Ao-chan and Teru, who are complemented in every way possible get comments on their smell. This means Natsuhiko must either wear supernatural perfume or have a natural smell that attracts supernaturals.

And I do think it's only supernaturals that he attracts since cats, who are heavily associated with yokai in Japan, love Natsuhiko, and Tsukasa says he smells 'yummy'.

Plus when he is walking with Nene, a delicious Kannagi, every monster has its eyes on Natsuhiko. They want to bite him, not Nene.

Assuming any supernatural finds his smell appealing, it would confuse Akane to think Natsuhiko smells real nice when no one else does, cause he hates the guy? What do you mean he is not wearing a strong fancy perfume and only Akane thinks he smells nice? What is going on? If he directly asks wtf is Natsuhiko's problem, he would not be helpful "Another victim, fallen for my irresistible wise senpai charm-"

They are a walking headache to each other.

The plan to get Akane's trust won't work in the end, no matter how much information on supernaturals Natsuhiko shares, or how many tea parties they attend to, so the inevitable betrayal would end in violence. Threaten Aoi, create a trap, make Akane be in serious danger so the other keepers are forced to show up and save him.

Perhaps, when Akane is dying and Natsuhiko looks down as he bleeds and resists and fights he realizes he does feel something more than apathy and frustration for Akane. But alas, it is not worth figuring out if is respect, admiration, care, or whatever, it's a bother regardless but still worthless since it would always end like this.

Now, let's slap a crush into this mess.

Natsuhiko's type is calm and quiet, harsh on the outside and kind on the inside. A beauty that feels unapproachable.

Which is both the complete opposite of Akane (Akane is loud and stressed 24/7) and spot on (Akane is harsh in his bluntness but kind at heart + he is a popular boy that others naturally orbit towards)

Natsuhiko getting a little crush on Akane would be a nightmare because he would not notice he has a crush. He has a strong belief boys can't like other boys, needing to 'become a girl' to excuse still having feelings for Sakura after she gets a male body.

So he wouldn't notice whatever positive feeling he got is a crush, but he would still be unbearable. Probably call him Akane-chan cause that's a feminine name. Cute.

Akane wants him dead and it has nothing to do with his bad guy vibes, it's mostly cause Natsuhiko flirts a lot. He insists it's nothing but he got that flirty vibe that is very punchable, like calling him 'kitten' and adding 'no homo' if Akane bluntly rejects him. Respecting his space when Akane is on edge but trying to test his luck and be touchy the second Akane shows any signs of lowering his guard, casual bro stuff like noggies. He will need a character arc cause Akane is sure he is either unbearable by nature or his ulterior motive is to go on a few dates with him and discard him after ike the playboy Natsuhiko is. He doesn't take his 'fondness' seriously at all but being harsh is pretty attractive to Natsuhiko, makes the rare signs that Akane cares appear all the more soft.

Imagine Akane saving Natsuhiko in a panic when he 'sacrifices' himself to a big beast (akane doesn't accept others pulling the 'I will die for you' card on him, not even other supernaturals), only to kick Natsuhiko back into danger the second this immortal and sturdy guy starts to swoon about how "Akane-chan is so kind, worried about me <3 " . That's the vibe.

Natsuhiko pays more attention and is more influenced by the people he like, so he would actually make an effort to figure out why Akane is so hardworking, and tries to be kind, to do little things to help him, which serves to confuse Akane but make him a bit more willing to accept his company. They are still a headache to each other but there is care, and way more confusion involved, since Natsuhiko may have to experience a lot of trial and error but his attempts to get closer to Akane and make him happy are genuine. Akane is way more indulgent than Sakura, so while he won't drink any suspicious love potion and things of sorts, he can be dragged to Karaoke and easily manipulated with a pathetic 'Akane-chan, I need your help pls :(' cause he has a helping complex. (Unless is after he catches Natsuhiko doing something morally reprehensible, in that case, Akane will not tolerate even breathing the same air as him and go full judgement more.)

Akane doesn't know how his life has been spiraling but he blames Natsuhiko.

Their difference in morals will always be cause for complications, but if it's in a canon universe it's worse, cause Natsuhiko will have to betray Akane, and hurt this strange new love that keeps him at arm's length but has shown signs of believing he can be 'less of an asshole' becomes an actual dilemma. Something he isn't used to.

Akane being the one to fall in love would be a completely different vibe, easier to imagine in a messier part of his life, when the clock keepers contract is still new and everything is more confusing, maybe he hasn't figured out that the accident with Aoi was staged to recruit him, so he isn't as wary and hateful of the supernatural world yet, relieved to see another fellow human familiar with supernaturals, since Teru is someone worthy of respect but still very violent and closed off.

Akane would also have a crisis and push aside the idea of being intrigued by this strange upperclassman, who smells nice and hides many secrets, cause the idea of falling for someone who isn't Aoi will destroy him. He is extremely stubborn and loyal. He will snuff the crush out by force, avoid him at all costs, be more susceptible to manipulation, althought not noticibly at first..

What if Aoi doesn't exist, what if is just Natsu?

Then he can be openly devoted, and the appeal is to ask the question "What would happen if Akane fell in love with a bad person?" How much is he willing to forgive, and change himself. What made him fall in love? What is a line he can't cross (ex murder) and how does he deal with Natsuhiko crossing it?

Akane is selfless and prioritizes making him happy, so Natsuhiko would feel kind of bad. He is so used to being ignored, that he says whatever, and being treated with respect or awe is so out of the norm?? He does have a conscience.

Natsuhiko admires love, and it is convenient that Akane will sacrifice his happiness for him and ask for nothing in return, but it leaves a heavy vibe you know? Like, it's cute that he'll blush if he casually puts his arm around Akane's shoulders and drags him close, as he does with his kouhais, but Natsuhiko is not a fan of the soft longing stares. He will make him do tasks though, if Akane is so happy to help, he can buy him sodas and sing his praises.

Let's light up a bit with simple mutual pining, no other crushes, no supernaturals.

They are both too bold and hopeless for pining, a confession happens one week during this scenario and any issue is solved with the power of love. Natsuhiko is having a crisis about liking a boy? No worries, Akane is more than comfortable with cross-dressing, I will never get over how he got offended they didn't let him crossdress if it would let him stay by Aoi's side in a volume cover, and Natsuhiko is easily swayed, this much devotion would make him accept Akane with or without a skirt. Is hopeless romantic to hopeless romantic communication.

As an established couple they are unbearable. They call each other "my boyfriend <3" and giggle about it like losers, and every daydream Natsuhiko has become true. Does Natsu want to be missed? Akane will mention how he wishes they lived together and how he longs for him in class and if asked he will write a song about how much he loves him. Does he like romantic dates? After taking Akane to three of those, Akane is already the one surprising him by preparing a candlelight dinner. Any gifts they give each other are well taken care of. There are hearts permanently floating by their head. Outsiders are horrified.

Natsuhiko wanted so bad to be the knight in shining armor, the reliable senpai, but Akane was built to be a worrier who doesn't vibe with asking for help, he is the one taking care of Natsu 90% of the time.

Imagine Natsuhiko daydreaming of having Akane run into his arms scared of an approaching storm, only to be startled by thunder and instinctively jump into Akane's already extended arms. That's the vibe.

Akane would find it cute too.

Marriage may scare Natsuhiko, or at the very least make him uncomfortable, a forever is a bit reckless right? Let's just enjoy the moment, haha. So Akane drops the proposals, but he still daydreams about it. His fear of marriage can make Akane possessive when Natsuhiko winks at any cute girl, but he knows Natsuhiko has fun with it, and that he loves Akane the most, so he is very forgiving.

Bonus: Their height difference is pretty nice. Natsu is a full stair step taller than Akane.

[jojo-schmo]

hi jojo! im just wondering but ive been wanting to make a comic for a little while but im not too sure where to start 😅. i really love your style of art and your forgotten land roleswap, and i was wondering if you had any tips for beginners?

Hello, hello! Thank you for enjoying my Forgotten Land Roleswap comic, it means a lot! <3

I'm very honored that people have been asking me for tips and advice. All of this is coming from a hobbyist who draws these comics purely for fun outside of my regular day job. Some of my methods would probably deal psychic damage to a professional, LOL. But I'm more than happy to share some things I've personally learned! :)

First of all, the book, "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud ROCKS. It literally gave me a new dimension to understand the medium of comics and how it presents ideas and emotions to readers! And I haven't even had the chance to finish it all the way! I'm very happy I own a copy and I recommend having one of your own if you can, but it's archived here if you want to read it :D

I also like analyzing other comics and thinking about how they get information across to me as a reader. It's helped me learn more effective ways to visually tell a story, like what to include in a frame, how zooming in or out affects the feeling from the panel, maybe building a scene by focusing on other stuff if someone is talking a lot... etc.

ANYWAYS-! Some other tips I've learned through my personal experience-

I had to overcome a lot of negative self-talk in order to tackle a huge comic project like this and stay committed. I was a pretty severe self-deprecator for most of my life so far, and getting help has allowed me to catch myself when I'm slipping back into those habits, look in the mirror, and go, "NO, JOJO! You pour your heart into what you make and that is a wonderful thing! You are appreciated and loved and you deserve to have fun making something you are passionate about!!" Some examples of the negative self-talk I catch myself in....

"I'm a noob at writing and making a story interesting... What's the point of even trying?"

When it comes to starting a project, whether it's 2 pages or 2000 pages, is to just jump in and start! It's okay to be a little insecure or nervous about your technical art skills, writing skills, etc... But writing a "bad" scene is better than no scene- because you can always edit a "bad" scene down the line, but what can you do with nothing? Nothing!! I also put "bad" in quotation marks because I am trying to use that term less, and instead call them "early drafts." or "works in progress."

The first Roleswap scene I fleshed-out was the first Bandee boss fight, in May 2022. I made this drawing on an impulse, getting my ideas down on the page without thinking about the technical stuff like comic panel borders. I consider it like a "pilot episode" almost, haha. The final project is going to be very different from how things play out here. But it got me interested in the concept and excited to see where I could take it, and I made the decision to commit to an entire game plot's worth of AU comics!!

Also, what's the point in trying you ask? The point is to have fun! Making a fan comic in my free time means I don't have restrictions like deadlines, nobody's telling me what I can and can't write, and I can make the story as long or as short as I want! I have full control, which means the world I'm writing is all mine to create! Yes, with a fan comic there is a pre-established world with existing characters. But a universe like Kirby has enough open-ended concepts for people to take basic concepts in the world and take them to whole new levels! I think that's why there are so many amazing fan interpretations of Kirby characters and OCs. The rules are so vague, you can just make up your own a lot of the time!! And it's a wonderful exercise to learn skills for someday building an original world with all original characters from scratch! Magical!!!

"I'm not good enough to make a comic. I don't understand perspective or color and other stuff. Anything I make will look bad.

I once read a two panel comic on here. I can't find it anymore but I remember most of it. First panel showed the artist looking at what they're drawing on their tablet, looking defeated and sad. "Man, I don't even know how to draw this....."The next panel was like them smiling and shrugging, I think rainbows and sparkles were coming out of their tablet, ".....I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DRAW IT SHITTY!! :D "

IF ANYONE KNOWS THIS COMIC I'M REFERENCING, PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL LINK IT!!! Because it permanently and positively changed my brain chemistry.

No kidding, making the decision to just do my best even if it's not perfect, helped me a LOT. I was always waiting to "reach a certain level" to tackle a huge project because I felt like I'd never do it justice at my current state. Except I had been telling myself that kind of stuff for years and I still didn't start any projects!!

So the day I said, "Oh well! If I draw backgrounds shitty, then it is what it is! I'll learn from it and draw the next background a little better," Was the day I could commit fully to the project. I'll keep studying how to draw them better for my own benefit, but I won't let my skill issues stop me from even trying!

And for my limited confidence in full-color art, I solved that by making the comic in black and white with no-to-minimal shading lolol. Because I can only address one skill issue at a time before it takes me 25 years to finish this HAHAHA.

It saves a BUNCH of time to work with skill issues rather than against them! Because at least experience is gained in other ways, and who knows, maybe that new knowledge will help address the skill issues someday! So identifying your personal skill issues and deciding which one to try to grow stronger, and which one to work around, could help with big projects!

"Nobody will read this. I'm going to put months or years of my life into a dumb little thing nobody will even care about."

Learning how to draw for my own enjoyment instead of somebody else's was one of the biggest breakthroughs I ever made. Enjoying the feeling of being challenged artistically and just doing my best, even if it's not technically perfect, is the reason why I was even able to start this!

And just because someone doesn't directly like, comment or whatever on a post doesn't mean nobody saw it! I used to get really down on myself for the lack of engagement on my art on other websites.

I was a lurker for pretty much my entire teenage years and never posted my own stuff or commented much. But that didn't take away the fact that I really enjoyed the things I saw online. Those positive feelings were real to me, even when I didn't know how to articulate it in words. Granted, I grew up into a Words of Affirmation main, and I use words to tell people the positive things I think about them as much as I can! But I know not everyone prefers words to express themselves. So I think about the people that I don't know enjoy my work- that just because I don't see it doesn't mean I didn't make a positive impact on someone by sharing my stories.

THIS IS GETTING LONG-- UHHH, STORY TIPS!!

If you work best on technology, start building the story in a Notes app, or a Google Doc! If you work best with pen and paper, start a notebook and rearrange stuff as you need to!

Or if you're chaotic like me, a mix of tech and paper!! I bought a notebook with ring binding so I can remove and rearrange pages of drafts as much as I wanted to! Like here's two very rough concept pages of one Chapter 1 scene made months apart.

I'd say planning out the biggest basic plot points and then filling in between as I went was most helpful! I also have separate notes for character motivations, important story-changing events, etc... So I can have my own reference when I'm writing new scenes!

Okay this was a lot, sorry about the yapping! Hopefully it helps even a tiny bit. If you have any specific questions I'm happy to talk about my experience in the creation process! Or elaborate on anything I said above.

And finally, because I'm not a professional there are probably plenty of other tactics that could work better for some people. My ADHD probably doesn't help with the chaos of my process either, HAHA. But thank you for reading this far and enjoying the peek into the rainbow glitter and soap bubbles that inhabit the right side of my brain, heehee.

[fitzs-space]

I want to talk about all the details I put into the Ties comic cause I worked on that thing for like a week and my brain likes to think about many things

Anyway, pspspsps I'm info dumping about my own designs gather round.

Notes for the character designs themselves

-The colours show if they are Red/Yellow/Green are different per character. Tango with bright colours, Skizz's are cool and dark, Impulses are more yellow, and Ethos are more desaturated. -Not all characters in the Life Games will get colour indicators in their eyes, the fact 3/4 of the designs here have it is unimportant shut -Impulse has a heart knot in his tie!! Look at it!! -Impulse cannot tie a tie. Tango does it for him. -Tango having his tie undone is his own choice -The choice of them having/not having pupils is intentional. -Etho only has the one on one side, maybe its cause the red eyes a little fucky in the vision, who knows though -Impulse has i's in the eyes -Skizz just straight up doesn't have em, but I normally don't draw pupils with that iris shape anyway. something something normally only draw that iris style with certain magical characters -I just stopped drawing with Tango with iris' at some point, idk -Skizz is designed as a fallen angel. that's why the halo's are all separated/broken, and why you can see darker feathers growing -maybe Impulse used to help him dye them white cause of some insecurity, maybe not -the lower his lives go, the less dark feathers are seen in his wings. like a cruel joke the watchers get a kick out of

-mullet Skizz MULLET SKIZZ!!!!!

-Etho is a sentimental mf /pos. they will keep and make a lot of patches for memory's and stuff. notable patches are, The NHO patch, a creeper cause of general Spazz, Canada flag cause Canadian /j, I normally add rainbow ones for the button saga of s7 but forgot to this time. -the rings are from all their divorces /J -the colours on the rings correlate to their owners (Bdubs, Cleo, Joel) lives. ie will be red if one of them is red kinda thing.

think that's the most of the design thoughts, now the Details in the comic itself,,,

-Skizz is the kinda mf who would fiddle//stim with random things in his hands. Many times its other peoples hands -dude will just hold peoples hands randomly when talking to them, team Ties just got used to it -That's why Etho took so long to notice the bracelet!

-their ass isn't phased by this kinda stuff anymore /hj -Skizz just enjoys contact man let me be -Throughout most of the comic Skizz has some sort of contact with Etho

-Tango and impulse also end up giving Etho bracelets as well -All the bracelets Etho gets share their colour indicator + the colour form the person who made it!

-you can see the colours slowly shift when Skizz ties on the bracelet, something something the magic of the world does some shit sometimes man.

-Skizz taught Impulse how to make the bracelets, so they have similar styles, Skizz's is more of a simple braid style though. -Tango went for something that took longer to do. it is a little scuffed /pos

-Ethos been getting their ass handed to them the episode before this, had to rightfully reflect that. you know? /j -the Slashes across their chest where form when Gem/Cleo killed them twice in that one episode. -The bite was originally supposed to be cause of Scars dogs. But someone in a reply made a joke about it, and frankly I think it'd be funnier if it was cause of Joel or some shit like they said.

-Had the axe as more of a battle-axe style. It was something Impulse made for Skizz (I forget who actually made it//Didn't want to go back to check) -I like showing characters having specific styles/ways they make armor and tools. -It's fun to show characters with tools and armor that can be distinctly seen as being made by another player

-That being an axe Impulse made adds more weight to the narrative of this moment and I want people to cry -something something for Etho its a moment of taking a weapon that Impulse made to protect Skizz, and using that as the tool that finally kills him -For Skizz this is a moment of his trust and care for his teammates. Being surrounded by people that he cares about and tokens that show their love for each other.

-Suffer, I could have been angstyier, and I will be actualy.

-Skizz is the one putting the axe to his own neck in this moment. Etho is putting as little force into it as they can. -Red king parallels who- -Etho also gets cut by the axe, something about sacrifice and how no life/time can truly be free in these life games -The blood wasn't actually intended to be golden ichor, I was just lazy and didn't want to draw red blood// wanted to have the cool lighting effect -Etho has the same colour in their blood too so, take it as you will

-I've had this comic planed since EPICODE ONE. had full intentions for it to go angsty in the end, and dam if the narrative didn't play right into my grubby little hands.

-I also just love how well I could parallel the moments in this comic. the comparison of the pages where both their faces are visible? the Joy in ethos face turning to complete anguish? the fact Skizz never stopped smiling? the way both moments start with an outstretched hand, and end with Skizz still holding onto Etho in a moment of trust? beautiful

-all the pages in the second part of the comic were framed specifically so I could avoid drawing Skizz ass.

[syndrossi]

i thought i’d break the ice with this^ how’d you like it?

so i have this ongoing headcanon that the universe where the boys came back as girl twins that their friendships with aegon and aemond switch. (again, it’s a headcanon, so let me know if i get any characterizations wrong) and this could be when they’re older like 12-13

naturally, the green boys might’ve been told by otto to try to be very nice with the girls, one of them might end up marrying one of them

of course neither likes that idea until they actually meet the girls bc well, they’re so cool and very pretty

lets get to the girls, you already confirmed that Jon (or Daenerys/Dany, Visenya, etc, choices choices) would definitely have kept up the sword practice in secret and now that they’re with Daemon, she’d ask for sword lessons and Daemon would comply.

Rhaegar (or Rhaella, Rhaelle, Rhaenys [although i doubt this one bc there’s a current living Rhaenys atm so]) ooooo what about Rhaegella (too weird? too twilight 4?) would also keep up with the sword practice with Jon

thing is, Jon is more likely to openly challenge one of the green boys in combat than Rhaegar is, who would think it smart to keep the skill hidden, while Jon can be more impulsive, especially since she/he is older and spent more time with the sword and not really caring about hiding that

still, there COULD have been a conversation between the twins where J might’ve convinced R to just let her do her thing and R figured, “hey, if they think i’m the weaker twin, they’ll underestimate me and i can use it to my advantage”

THIS MEANS that Jon might be caught using a sword and teased, leading her/him to challenge Aemond (who’s better and more interested swords and fighting). obviously Jon wins, and Aemond might’ve been mad at losing to a girl, especially with Aegon’s teasing but then he talks to J and the two make a truce, and maybe J starts helping him out with training

meanwhile, Aegon might take a liking to both of them, but since Aemond has been more focused on J, Aegon seeks out R, who is very pretty and not weird like Helaena (his thoughts), she’s charming and tells intriguing tales and seems very interested in him talking about his horses and whatnot (R is very good at pretending, she’d run circles around this guy)

of course, things could progress as they’re doing now. Aegon might find a warrior f!Jon cool and interesting. he may not like fighting, but he may like watching her fight. (Aegon’s Aegon) And Aemond may gravitate toward R bc she’s very sweet and charming and unlike his sister, she accepts hugs and cheek kisses. and we already know Aemond has mother issues so him going to R, who’s used to being a caretaker could be plausible just as much.

i mean i just like the twist, but let me know if i got anything wrong or right, you know your characters better.

thank you for answering!

I could see Aemond warming much more to Jon-as-a-girl. The things that provoke seething jealousy in Resonant (it hasn't happened yet, but it's brewing) for Aemond in Jon don't really apply if he's part of a twin sister duo.

Jon-as-a-boy: is the best at swords ever, has a loving father who is badass and has a dragon, is likely to inherit Runestone and SOME Valyrian steel blade, and gets to have that close bond with Rhaegar. While Aemond is stuck with Viserys for a father and Aegon for a brother. Jon is everything he wants to have/be, and he doesn't even have the proper Valyrian look.

Jon-as-a-girl isn't someone to be jealous of, OTOH. Girl!Jon doesn't inherit anything, and Aemond's not going to be jealous of a sisterly relationship. Jon's non-Valyrian coloring he probably finds striking instead if he's a girl, and her skill with a blade intriguing rather than ego-threatening. I could see Aemond liking either Jon or Rhaegar for a match. Canonically, he was far more attracted to Helaena than Aegon was, and Rhaegar is certainly the more sensitive/introspective type. But Jon is also very charismatic and Alys Rivers was pretty spunky.

Aegon, meanwhile, is probably a little scared of girl!Jon, who is relentless about calling him on his bullshit. Whereas boy!Jon's propensity for shenanigans is something he admires. So his view of girl!Jon could be "scary but hot." (I wouldn't put it past Aegon to figure out whoever Aemond likes better and pursue that twin, just to fuck with him.)

[dj-of-the-coven]

So, I've been thinking for a long time about why Beat is the most mischaracterized guy in the main cast of twewy, and last night I finally had a breakthrough. It's not only because he's not as popular as the others (though that's a part of it, and the two kinda feed into each other). It's baked into the game. More specifically, it's built into Neku's perspective as the main character.

Twewy has a lot of complex personalities interacting with each other, and for the most part it does very well at walking the players through their thought processes--obviously done the best with Neku, since we can see many of his thoughts word-for-word, but the other characters get similar treatment too. Joshua gets fleshed out in secret reports as well as his interactions on-screen, and Shiki's story doesn't require a ton of meta-textual explanation since envy is a common experience for teenagers. Beat's the only one of the main cast whose character needs a lot of connected dots to make sense, and the game trains you from the beginning not to look too closely at him because at first you're supposed to be empathizing with Neku.

When Neku starts out being rude to Shiki, the player already gets that he's being a dickhead. Everybody knows somebody like Shiki in real life, and if you don't know her, you probably are her: she's sweet, passionate about her hobbies, and extends her compassion to the people around her with basically no prompting. She has relatable self-image issues. You don't need your hand held to understand that Neku is the one in the wrong. On the other hand, what about Beat? We know that Neku has issues to work out by the time he shows up, but the game takes Neku's side on some of his harsher criticisms. He's not the only one who comments on Beat being "stupid" and impulsive. Most of the characters he interacts with have a line or two making fun of him. The player is generally expected to laugh at him alongside the others--he's nowhere near as easy for the average player to relate to.

The teens playing twewy probably know what it's like to feel better than everybody else, like Neku and Joshua, or worse than everybody else, like Shiki, but I'll bet that most of them don't have the same rebellious spirit that Beat does. Statistically, it's just not that likely that everybody playing the game was a delinquent with shitty parents. I was; some people were, but not everybody. It's a feature of Neku's character arc that the game gets you to see Beat the way that he does originally, just to break down the facade by showing you his compassionate side. Beat couldn't help but save Neku even though it would get in the way of his goals. He's just that kind of guy, and doesn't that mean more than anything his intellect could provide? Beat's character arc helps you understand Neku better by design, because it gets you to see how somebody with a judgy leaning could end up being such an asshole with only a little encouragement. The game presents its players with someone easy to make fun of, goads them into making fun of him, and then shows them why that was wrong.

Unfortunately, while this is really good storytelling, it doesn't make for an easily-digestible character to make art and fics about. The player has to look past what the game (and Neku, Konishi, and Uzuki) thinks about Beat in order to find his depth. I could be talking out of my ass, but honestly I think that this, along with more than a decade of fans getting him wrong in fics, comics, and meme posts is the reason why players of the original game don't tend to appreciate him as much as the other main characters, even though Beat collectively has the most screen time in the series besides Neku. It originates with dickhead teenage Neku himself--the players just didn't learn to look past his initial perception.

[cinnamonest]

Yandere Profile - Mika

I have this rare condition where when a boy is soft and shy I reflexively must make him a horrible little deranged gremlin and then subject others to the horrors I have created, it's incurable I'm afraid

//yandere, dubcon/sorta noncon, somnophilia, abduction, descriptions of psychological problems, very brief/vague potential emetophobia trigger

---------

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

In addition to his obvious shyness and timidness, the primary characteristic that defines Mika's behavior with you might come as quite a surprise to anyone who knows him: Mika has low impulse control.

Not a trait you'd expect, nor is it what most who know him would ever think of him. He often gives off quite the opposite impression, being a very diligent worker and often refraining from the unsavory behaviors many of his peers engage in.

But, see, it's not something that's ever really been an issue. That's the thing — this lack of impulse control is not so much a reflection of his character, and more so due to the simple fact that for the majority of his life, he has never had very strong impulses, and whenever he does, it's never to do anything morally wrong.

He's always been good-natured and benevolent, always wanting to please people and help people, and can't recall a time where he's ever really wanted to do something that harms someone. Even typical human nature impulses like stealing or lying don't really come to him, he's just that naturally sweet and compassionate and morally upright. His impulses are all good impulses, such as impulses to help people, impulses to apologize when someone is inconvenienced.

He's never really done anything malicious or harmful or selfish, and has never had to even learn impulse control, because he's never had an impulse to do anything bad.

Until he does. And when that happens, it's going to become a serious problem very quickly.

Still, that doesn't mean he has zero hesitancy, or no limitations to how far his impulses will go before, under certain circumstances, fear or ethics stops him. Rather, Mika has this back-and-forth, push-and-pull duality between impulse and hesitancy. Sometimes the hesitancy and nervousness has control over his actions for various durations of time before impulse takes over, and sometimes one or the other wins out. Oftentimes, he has almost amusing contradictory behaviors, where he has something he refuses to do and something he'll do without hesitation, where the two things seem to be at odds in severity — some minor offense he tenses and shakes his head at even the thought of committing, alongside some very serious offense he goes through with without a second thought.

In terms of how he initially interacts with you, though, you barely know Mika exists. And frankly, he prefers that.

You had one singular interaction. It didn't last more than a few seconds. A very short, simple, typical interaction — he was carrying a whole armful of various objects to drop them off in another room of the headquarters, dropped one. Turned back to grab it, but by the time he did, you were standing there, having picked it up, holding it out. Smiling.

Here, I got it.

You set it back in his arms, gave a quick no worries, it's fine! when he began to apologize, and turned around and walked off before he could say another word. It was no more than a few seconds. You've probably all but forgotten about it by the end of the day.

But he doesn't forget. You seemed very nice. Nice people give him some conflicting feelings — sure, it's pleasant, but people being nice to him also makes him very uncomfortable at times. Being subject to much attention, even positive attention, can be anxiety-inducing. People looking at him, people having expectations of him, having to try to successfully navigate a conversation without messing up and being awkward somehow, it can be exhausting, even.

Your niceness is no different. Pleasant and appreciated, but somehow discomforting at the same time, a nervousness over potentially doing something wrong. Did you hear the last "thank you" he said, or was he too talking too quietly? What if you didn't and now think he's ungrateful or rude? What if his hair or clothes were disheveled at the time and he didn't notice? There's so many possibilities by which something could be wrong, and it eats away at him.

From that day forward, he always notices you whenever you're nearby. The two of you never interact, you're in an entirely different field of work than him, but he does spot you once every few days or so, usually at a distance.

Don't expect anything more than a distance, though. Mika does pretty much all of his obsessing like that — a ways away from you, quietly observing. It starts as a mere fixation, he simply focuses on you when he happens to see you, but doesn't seek you out. Just watching, observing. He finds himself feeling oddly warm, this tight feeling in his chest. There was one time your eyes met and you smiled at him and he thought he might actually have felt his heart stop for a second.

He's self-aware, at least on this matter, doesn't need anyone to inform him that the flustered feeling and finding a person very pretty is quite obviously a matter of attraction. Just acknowledging that, though, fills him with a horrible feeling of embarrassment. He wouldn't stand a chance, he tells himself. You would never return the sentiment. He has no right to feel this way, and yet he does, and he can't make it stop. Soon he finds himself actually seeking you out in his spare time, finding spots to watch over you. The thought of trying to actually talk to you honestly doesn't even cross his mind. He's sure he'd panic and say something awkward, if not possibly even pass out. So that's definitely a no-go.

His mind does briefly consider the idea that he could try to distance himself and see if he stops thinking about it, which would alleviate him of all the nervousness... but this is where the impulse issue comes in. He considers it, maybe casually half-heartedly decides to do that, but even if any effort is put into trying to stay away, it's immediately broken by the compulsive urge to go find you.

I really should just go home...

So he thinks. But he doesn't. His feet don't even slow down or hesitate as he makes a direct line for where he's pretty sure you'll be at this time.

It progresses. It becomes more frequent that he seeks you out. One day, he watches you from across the room as everyone gathers to eat, they hand out paper cups with water to some people... and he watches you get up to throw yours away when you're done, stand up and leave and... once more, he seems to move without really consciously intending to do so. A few seconds and he's across the room, taking one quick glance over his shoulder to be sure no one is watching before grabbing it and pulling it back out.

This does strike him as odd, once he's walking back home with it in hand. That was definitely a very strange thing to do. He just thought about how it had your mouth on it, and his hands and feet seemed to develop a mind of their own... but now that he has it, there's no point in throwing it away, so he might as well keep it...

While he's self-aware of his feelings, it takes a little while before it registers with him how abnormal the extent of those feelings is. A few more of incidents like that one, where he notices that a certain actions was a little odd, before one day it hits him that he's done quite a few of those recently, actions and choices that seem strange and bizarre. Every single one of said occurrences pertains to you in some way. He makes the connection, he knows it's weird and possibly indicative of unhealthy attachment, but doesn't know what to really do with that information.

He tries to stop doing it. He really does. He tells himself it's weird and that he needs to stop doing those things, stop following you, stop constantly thinking of you.

He doesn't stop.

He did try, really. It just... didn't work. He told himself he wouldn't do anything further, but he just couldn't stop himself, couldn't repress the compulsion.

But it's not harming anyone, is it? So he rationalizes to himself, trying to make himself feel better after a long session of wallowing in shame. So while odd, it should all be okay, nothing bad will happen.

He's never had to deal with these types of feelings before. Never had to try to control himself from doing something that would harm someone, because normally, the very notion that an action would harm someone makes him feel averse to that course of action. He has very little to no experience in refraining or holding himself back from temptations.

It gets worse. Progressively becoming more and more intense and obsessive. He starts to feel other emotions, very negative ones, when watching you go about your day and interact with others. He's still self-aware enough to know that it's jealousy, and frankly he feels embarrassed for getting jealous over something so simple, it makes him feel like he's being immature and pathetic. And he knows he's crossed a line of acceptableness long ago, knows that it's obsessive, knows it's unhealthy. At first, he was able to lie to himself.

But he just can't make it stop.

Thus he begins to adopt what will become a defining trait of his, an interesting balance between lucidity and delusion. He can't outright admit to himself that his actions are ethically bad, because he'll feel too guilty, it would eat him alive. Yet, he initially doesn't want to face that guilt and admit the reality to himself in entirety, because that means the only solution is to stop and he doesn't want to have to stop.

He will try to delude himself, he just... usually sort of half-fails. He'll try to convince himself that his actions are solely altruistic, that what he's doing is selfless... but eventually he gives up, faces the truth he's been pushing to the back of his mind. Yet at the same time, he'll then try to balance it, a sort of moral bargaining. He'll admit to himself that his actions are selfish — but, it's doing good too. He's doing this because of his own urges, but it's not wrong to say that it is also for your own good, because he's watching over you and can protect you should something bad happen. Both can be true. Why think about it as an either-or matter? Taking this frame of mind significantly helps him cope with coming to terms with the selfishness of his actions. So on one hand, he's honest with himself, but he still throws in a few touches of delusional thinking to make himself feel better.

Mika also has a very bad habit of avoidance. With most situations, he's learned how to adapt to the normal world and can, if necessary, confront basic negative social situations, but he has this tendency to really avoid confrontations or social things that make him particularly uncomfortable, to a greater degree than most people. If he has a feeling someone is upset with him (but hasn't had it confirmed yet, or else he'd feel obligated to apologize and thus override the avoidance), he will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation from them. When he has to have a difficult talk with someone, he pushes it as close to the end of the day as possible, arguably making it worse due to dread.

And when he has some thought that makes him uncomfortable or guilty, he pushes it away. He can't push it out of his mind completely, but he tries as much as he can to simply avoid thinking about it.

Such is how his actions towards you become. At first he acknowledged it, and tried to fix it, but the more apparent it becomes that he can't stop himself, the more he adopts this mentality of avoidance. It's the only way he can cope with what would otherwise be a lot of self-directed frustration and guilt. He just avoids it.

He tries to not think about the fact that certain thoughts he has or certain things he does are unusual, or perhaps worse, would even be perceived as inappropriate. He's a people-pleaser by nature, tries hard to make sure no one is upset with him or dislikes him, and thus the thought of doing something that would be perceived that way makes his stomach churn — and thus, he only pushes the thought away even further, along with the alarming dread of the realization that said pushing is not a wise choice. He knows that, at least partially, this is him actively choosing a path that could have severe consequences, and that the thoughts he's dispelling are really his own sense of reason. But, of course, that thought gets cleared along with the others... not that this method can last forever.

He can just push any bad thoughts away, repeat lies to himself over and over until he starts to believe them in some sense, even if he knows they're not true deep deep down. While it certainly won't end well, for now, that's the only solution he has.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

You'd actually be quite surprised at how quickly he'll resort to kidnapping. At first, he might seem like the type to never do so out of guilt or a strong desire for moral correctness, and while it's true that those sentiments are there and quite strong, that difficulty to retain his sense of inhibition comes back to bite him yet again. He's obviously not the sort of person who would do such a thing without shame or care, like some less ethically sound, more brazenly narcissistic, or more mentally unwell individuals might. No, the thought strikes him with a jolt of reprehension and guilt for even allowing that sort of thought, so he pushes it out of his mind.

It just sort of happens. The sort of thing one does where they're almost in a sort of trance or dissociative state, acting in an automated way to go through with something without much conscious intent. An absent-minded action here or there, perhaps with some actual intent to shift his mind into an auto-piloted state as he buys things, arranges things. As with everything else, even if he knows it's not true, he can tell himself little lies over and over, so that even though at this point he actively acknowledges what his desires are, he can present himself with other reasons for each step that soothe his unease... otherwise, if he didn't feed himself those ideas, he might not be able to bring himself to do it. He tells himself that that he went to another town to buy rope because he needed to take a long walk to clear his head, not so that the purchase would be less traceable. He makes up little what-if scenarios to rationalize why he's buying this or that, alternative uses for which it might hypothetically one day be useful. That he's moving to a new place of his own for Independence and all that, and not to have somewhere to store you.

See, that gives him the opportunity to back out. It stops him from having to acknowledge any determined commitment to the fantasies he's run through in his head, and thereby allows him to distance himself from any panic, guilt, or other negative emotion that would drown him if he were to resolutely and firmly commit to fulfilling said fantasy. He can allow himself some false sense of casual undecidedness, because if he acknowledges that there's really one sole reason he's getting these things together, it will eat him up internally.

Likewise, he never sets a specific date to do anything. That would be acknowledgement of intent, he can't have that. He just... gets the necessary things together, sets up all the arrangements with an absent mind, and waits.

There's no particular trigger, actually. Nothing that specifically sets him off or pushes him to make his move. Once more, it just happens. Without any real reason for that specific moment, he just finds his feet wandering, veering a different way than he initially intended to go. He's already memorized where you live and what your route to get there is, and has already absent-mindedly come up with three possible routes from your place to the one he's set up to be his from now on. He shuts down any conscious thought — who can say to what degree was that itself a conscious decision, if he really thought about it at all — and moves.

And such is how, within an hour or so, he finds himself standing to the side of his own bed, wide-eyed and perfectly still, staring down at your peacefully unconscious face, the rise and fall of your chest. It's not until then that it sort of comes crashing down on him all at once. Frankly, it's for the best that you're unconscious for the initial borderline panic attack and subsequent mental breakdown, because any interference from you might have made him worse. He breathes hard and fast, his body starts to shiver, his hands curl up so hard his knuckles go white, his eyes water up, he ends up stumbling over to the nearest trash bin and spends a half-hour too sick to move from the spot. Coming to terms with what has occurred — what he did — is enough to put him in a very bad state for quite some time.

But time passes, and while he's certainly not calmed down, the violently sick and tearful outbursts are soon over, and he finds himself merely sitting sprawled out on the floor, heavy breathing, face buried in his shaking hands as it all sinks in. There's a singular moment then and there where he takes a deep breath in and out, and forces himself to firmly acknowledge the reality of things... he knows he has to, at this point, because not doing so will make things fall apart, and then he's screwed if you get out. Now, he tells himself, he has to get up and move forward and live with his choices... and spend whatever time he has left before you wake up preparing and rehearsing exactly what he'll say to you. Yeah, that's a good start...

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

He's very paranoid of the possibility for escape, so he goes all-out in terms of his measures. For starters, for a long while, he keeps you bound by one ankle to the bedpost — but it's leather, he went out of his way to make sure you'd be comfortable! Just to make sure you don't go wandering off. And, of course, adds a series of locks to the door from the outside.

The unfortunate thing for you is that he's also very precise and skillful in anything requiring mathematic-like abilities, and as such, the further measures he takes are very effective. It's not as simple as putting something heavy in front of the door, no, he goes out of his way to get down on the ground, measure the width and height of the door, the surface area it will move over when it opens, the distance to the nearest wall corner and the angle, and from there creates a simple mechanism out of basic materials that he can install and lock into place whenever he leaves, that touches the opposite wall and the door itself, making it impossible to open the door unless removed by someone on the same side as said mechanism.

And that's not all. He's got a snare trap he learned from hunting (loop made a bit bigger for a human foot, of course) set just beyond the door just in case, and every night when you go to bed, he always leaves the room for just a second to do something he refuses to tell you about when you ask, which is actually putting up some mechanisms above the doors so that if they open, it'll make a loud sound. Not that you really stand a chance of getting your ankle unbound and out of his arms anyway, but you know, just in case.

That's what most of his measures are, just precautions for all sorts of possibilities his brain comes up with, all the little things you could use or do. Which is why, in addition to setting up mechanisms to keep you in, he's also extremely careful about what you can get your hands on. He himself has had a lot of experience with situations where he had to get creative and use common everyday items to improvise for tools, so he's very familiar with the concept of makeshift items for purposes like lockpicking, heat conducting, even makeshift weaponry. Consequently, every time he considers giving you something or bringing you something, he runs the idea through his head to think of any possible means by which you may end up using it against him.

Ultimately, there are so many measures taken that even if you manage to get through one, the next will likely catch you, and any potential successful escape will undoubtedly require some trial and error lessons from previous attempts. Should he find you caught in one of said anti-escape traps, he frets over your condition, checking to see if it hurt you or something before rushing you back inside... but thereafter, he just gets quiet, sad, and pitiful-looking for a while. He waits for you to say something first, but if you don't, after a little while of silence he'll finally voice his feelings.

...I want you to be happy here, so... if there's something making you unhappy...

Or so he says, but your most likely complaints — that you want to leave, or want more freedoms or the like — will go in one ear and out the other, with him telling you he can't allow that (for your own well-being, of course!) and telling himself that there must be something else, some other way he can appease your desires without giving you what you actually want. The more he tells himself that, the more he can shove aside the gnawing pessimistic thoughts in the back of his head that you'll never get accustomed to him and never give in. That's not true, no. He'll find a way eventually.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

If anything, you have trouble getting him to believe the truth. He's quite paranoid, and is always suspicious of everything, thinks everything is a potential lie.

Not that he's hostile about it. He's torn between his paranoia and not wanting to offend you by implying you're lying, so whenever you try to convince him of something, he works his way around giving you a direct statement in reply.

Well, I'll have to look into it myself...

I don't know about that...

Maybe we can pick back up on this conversation later, okay?

Trying (and not doing a very great job) to make it less obvious that he doesn't believe you, so you don't get upset. Although he makes it a bit too obvious considering that if it turns out you're right, he'll come back and apologize for not believing you, even though he was clearly trying to hide that fact beforehand.

He never acts on anything you say without going out of his way to check the validity of your statements. Sometimes this can get genuinely very annoying when he consumes unnecessary time doing so, especially because he also gets other bouts of paranoia and refuses to believe your reassurances. Like once when you made food for him (more out of boredom than anything), despite having done so dozens of times by now, this one particular time paranoia strikes and he pauses and asks if you did something to it.

No. Why, does it smell or taste weird?

No...

Then what's wrong with it? Why do you think that?

I just... I don't know...

There really is nothing wrong with it, he just has these intrusive worrisome thoughts and can't shake them. You keep reassuring him it's fine and he just refuses to believe you. He does this a lot with all sorts of things, randomly deciding that you're hiding something or have done something or are plotting something and reassuring him just won't work, he ends up taking all sorts of unnecessary measures to prevent whatever thing he thinks you're done or are doing that isn't actually happening.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Of course, he goes out of his way to do anything he thinks will win your favor or make you like him more, which usually includes using whatever money he has on him to buy as many things for you as he can. Anything related to something you like, some hobby that could occupy your time, or just generic, standard gifts like chocolate and flowers and clothes that he hopes will win at least some favor points.

Otherwise, he's actually not as lenient as you might expect due to sheer paranoia. Sure, he would like to grant your requests to go outside for walks or write to your family, he really would, and it makes him feel so awful and sick to deny you that, but he's just too worried. And as aforementioned, he's very careful about what you can get ahold of, surveys every items within your vicinity to ensure it can't be used for any harmful or unwanted purposes.

This means that your hobbies and requests are also often limited. You can do art, but only paint and wax utensils, no actual pens or pencils, too pointy and too much weapon potential. You can knit with very dull knitting needles, but no sewing or any needles with actual skin-breaking potential. And you can cook, just only while he watches, and no knives other than a butter knife. But... you can just let him do that, he'll gladly make food for you anyway (hope you like knight rations!), so there's no need for you to do so, so he says. Very obviously trying to deter you from a hobby he would prefer you not do out of fear you'll find a way to utilize what you have (what will you do? Boil water and throw it at him? Hit him with a metal pan?), but he allows it if it makes you happy.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

They're more like requests, at least with how he says it.

Just stay in here and don't make any noise... please.

Um, please don't touch that... it's dangerous, I forgot to out it away, so... could you hand it over...?

Are you... ignoring me on purpose? I really wish you wouldn't do that...

But he realizes in a very short time that you do not fear or respect him in any capacity. Which he might have predicted, but it still hurts a bit. Logically, it makes sense, he knows he's perceived as a very meek person, and he knows that you have no real reason to see him as a force to be obeyed. He knows that in order to actually enforce behaviors, he needs to have you intimidated. He doesn't like the idea of making you afraid, but it may be necessary... unfortunately his attempts don't go over very well at first when you show defiance.

Oh yeah? Or what?

Or I'll, uh... I'll do something... bad....

Needless to say, you didn't seem particularly frightened.

Thus, when deciding how to address the issues of your behavior, he runs into a metaphorical wall, can't think of anything at all. Unlike taking you and bringing you here and following you and all those other behaviors, punishment actually does some harm and must be unpleasant for you, and he can't justify punishment to himself. He can't stand the thought of being cruel, or making you hate him, so for a while, he largely just lets you get away with violating the "rules" he sets...

...Until it occurs to him that he might be looking at it from the wrong perspective.

It ties back into his tendency to half-delude himself. Everything else he's done was for your own good, or at least he can rationalize it as such if he tries, even if he knows deep down that wasn't the primary motivation. It still helped you be together. And to keep you here, he has to take measures to ensure you don't leave, including reprimanding behaviors that aren't good for you and him. He wants to not have to do anything bad to you, but by doing so once or twice, you'll learn not to do the things you shouldn't, and he won't have to do anything bad. That's how parents and teachers and the like approach having to punish kids, right? Same idea. Thus, it's a temporary measure, if anything, it takes a lot of care for you to be willing to force himself to do it.

Still, he finds the thought of actually hurting you difficult. What he ends up coming up with is, essentially, deprivation. He read about something similar in a book once, that it was used as a psychological torture tactic at some point. Covering your eyes and ears, binding your hands and feet, and leaving you alone for hours on end. At first you're mad, he can tell you're jerking about and trying to rub the binds off. Then you go quiet, for some time. It's difficult for him to handle, he's constantly looking back at you to ensure you're alright.

It doesn't take as long as he expected. Within forty-eight hours or so, you reach a breaking point, you break down and start to shiver with whimpers and sobs. That's all it takes for him to bolt over to your side, pulling everything off as fast as he can and holding you close, apologizing over and over and assuring you that everything is fine. Look, he even had food ready because he was so concerned... so please don't be mad. It hurts him too.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Much like with kidnapping, he's not unlikely to kill as you might think.

In the initial stages of stalking and following, he takes immediate notice of anyone you hang around a lot. Even from the very start, just seeing you speak to and interact with other people gives him an unpleasant pang of some very negative feeling in his chest, but the severity of it steadily increases each time he sees you interact with the same person.

After a very short time, he figures out who the people you're closest to are, and watches you with each day as you interact. He feels nauseous. There's a twisting, tight feeling in his stomach. A tightness in his chest. He recognizes it as an extension of irritation and resentment, and it doesn't take much though to recognize that, contextually, as jealousy. It makes him bounce back and forth between hurt and sadness and anger.

He feels bad for feeling that way, though. Jealousy is a bad thing, it's an immature and selfish emotion, so he's always believed. At least, that's how he used to view it when observing it in others, but it's an entirely different matter to experience it for oneself. Now he understands the ways he's seen people act in fits of jealousy, what he used to dismiss as unwell or hysterical individuals' behavior now seems so much more understandable.

Initially, he tries to just focus on watching you to ensure your safety and to ignore the feeling — predictably, based on already established tendencies, this does not go over well. The resentment he feels towards the other person swells with each passing day. So does the guilt that he feels for holding so much malice towards another person, but the guilt doesn't stop the malice itself. It just gets worse.

It's also frightening, in a way. He knows that he's developing these negative sentiments, knows it's not healthy, knows it can lead him to rash and potentially dangerous impulsive choices, and the thought that he might do something bad without forethought scares him. Being self-aware of it is almost worse than being purely deluded, because he's aware of decreasing stability, he's aware of the abnormality, he's aware that these sentiments could lead him to make choices that are awful and wrong and could have serious consequences, all the things that outright delusion would keep him blissfully unattuned to. This is especially true the worse it gets, when he starts to actually have brief images flashing through his head or intrusive thoughts come to his mind about how he could get rid of them, ways and means by which he could carry out such an act.

That fear has an upside, though, in that the sheer fear of consequence keeps him from acting upon the urges, at least for some time. See, with something like kidnapping, the evidence itself is gone as a part of the act itself. But murder? What would he do with the body? How would he dispose of it without being seen? Even as the strength of his guilt begins to wane, the uncertainty and fear restrains him enough to not do anything, to sit there and be forced to tolerate it, even if it makes him feel sick. If anything, continuous interaction with someone is just going to hasten getting abducted for you.

If he does end up killing, unfortunately, it's purely impulsive, and consequently not well-planned. It actually takes him a moment to even recognize what he's done — he stands there in a daze, looking back and forth at his hands and the body now slumped over or on the ground or at the bottom of a long fall or whatever method was taken, processing it as his mind catches up to his actions. It doesn't feel "real" at first, as if he can't accept it being the reality before him.

But when he does, he panics. A sort of panic he's never felt before in his entire life, even in the most perilous of situations. Thankfully, out of the two most common responses to this situation — run away or hide the crime — he takes the latter, opting to at least dispose of it before trying to forget about it. Like everything else he does, he'll certainly spend a very long time repeatedly rationalizing it to himself, telling himself it was his only choice or that they were dangerous to you and he was doing something good, so on and so on.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's slow to truly anger, but he's not that slow to simply get upset. Perhaps the best word for how his emotions manifest would be frustration. Stressful things or rare cases of disagreements where he's very firm on his stance and can't simply bow his head and concede, overwhelm him very easily. He gets tense, fidgety, and depending on who he's interacting with, often intimidated. But if he gets frustrated enough, he starts to ball his hands into fists, arms tense and straight at his side while he tries to deescalate the situation, or, if he's really upset, stand his ground and make it clear he won't be dissuaded.

If you push him into a metaphorical corner and be as argumentative and hostile as possible, though, honestly, he's more likely to cry than anything. He just gets overwhelmed and frustrated and the emotions become too much for him to handle, and his eyes well up with tears and he bites his lip. He feels it coming on, though, and he's very adamant that you not see that, as he finds it embarrassing and thinks it would damage your image of him. Thus, he ends up just making a sharp turn around and walking off to another room, only to come back a while later. If you try to bring the subject up again, he just tenses up and tries to deflect from it, outright saying he doesn't want to talk about it anymore if you're persistent.

This can become something of an issue of avoidance, where he swerves his way around hard conversations and having to hear things he'd rather not. He continuously flees conversations he doesn't like, both out of not wanting to be seen getting emotional and also because it's his way of shutting you down and avoiding having to acknowledge some of the very valid points you have.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Saying that he sees you as "above" him doesn't really capture the exact sentiment that he has.

He does pedestalize you to some extent, which you might have expected, but actually, he's not really the type of person to be sensitive to or even put much thought into the "worth" or "value" of a person, for very logical reasons: there's no set factors or qualities that determine worth and value, it's all subjective, and therefore can't truly be defined. And if it can't be defined, it can't be quantified. It can change based on perspective and mood. What's the point of thinking of people and oneself based on a system so vague and unsteady?

Ultimately, it's not so much a matter of worth or pedestalization, rather, what he gets obsessive and neurotic over is need.

The power dynamic subtly woven into all interpersonal relationships. One always needs the other more. One always cares more. In the social network, that is what matters above all else, whoever "wins" and "loses" in that sort of mind game. And he's painfully aware that he's the loser here, that he needs you more than you do him. He cares more, he wants you more. Acknowledging it hurts, but he can't lie to himself on this matter.  At the same time, his mind goes blank when he tries to think of how to resolve the problem. There's really nothing he can do. He just has to hope that keeping you here makes up for what would otherwise be a vulnerability of his.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's incredibly determined, he just doesn't really know how to go about it. Mika has a very analytic, pragmatic brain, one that works well with concepts such as sentential logic, numerical functions and mathematics, and of course, cartography. Concepts with processes set in stone, laid out with a very clear way to arrive at a very specific solution or result. Things that are formulaic and linear.

Relationships between people are not like that. There is no perfect course of action guaranteed to produce the desired result. Everything is uncertain and uneasy, and that makes it such a nerve-wracking thing to deal with. At least he can try. There's not much more he can do, as much as he wishes there was some way to guarantee it.

Perhaps somewhat to his own detriment, in his perpetual attempts to alleviate his negative emotions and worry, when thinking of how to win you over, he sort of completely neglects to take the situation into account. That is, he completes dodges acknowledging the circumstances by which you're even here to begin with, approaches it as if you're in a normal situation and thus that normal things like gifts and kind words should work, avoiding any and all acknowledgement of the fact that having brought you here against your will is kind of an important part of it all, and one that has undoubtedly given you a very negative sentiment towards him. He feels sick even just letting his mind vaguely drift to thinking about what you must feel towards him, given his actions. No, he prefers to not think about that, and choose optimism instead, choose to believe his efforts will work eventually and there's definitely not some huge and possibly impossible obstacle to overcome. Lying to himself just feels better, you know?

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Firstly, his bargaining system. He develops this in his head, a two-part self-comfort mechanism where firstly, he goes back-and-forth rationalizing everything he does with some aspect making it less bad in his mind, and secondly, tries to pair every bad action with a good one. Since he has a strong sense of ethics and guilt, he can't just carelessly do what he does, nor begrudgingly accept himself the way others might. Thus, he spends a lot of time in deep thought, internally struggling with himself and dealing with his feelings. He will quite literally go down the list of everything he has done that he feels bad about, and think of a way it can be spun as something positive.

He bargains when thinking about potential actions as well, rationalizing, just spends so much time thinking about these things. He was always prone to overthinking, but now takes it to an extreme as he spends excessive amounts of time running over things in his head. That this action isn't that bad for this and that reason, this is acceptable because of these circumstances, so on and so on. He spends far more time obsessively going through these sorts of thoughts than others in his situation.

And then, he will literally tally the major offenses, and for each one, he does something good for you. Buys you something, does something for your sake, tries to perform some gesture to make you happy. He deals with his perceived sins on a one-to-one ratio, as if by doing a good thing, he somehow cancels out the bad things, or compensates for them, or something like that. He doesn't really fully understand the exact intent, but he knows that doing this makes him feel better.

There's also another unique factor: the initial impression he makes, the way you and pretty much anyone perceives him at first, begins to unravel over time. You begin to understand his true nature for what it is, even to a degree he himself has never done enough introspection to really understand. You gradually begin to realize that, even though it's subconscious for him, he's far more clever, deliberate, and even selfish than it would seem on the surface.

His tendencies for apologizing can get on your nerves very, very quickly, but you still pity him. At first, you don't think much of it other than him being burdened by guilt, you thought of him as someone with a very bad case of some deep psychological problem, someone who was a very good person deep down, but tormented by some uncontrollable condition or something. You feel bad for him, try to reason with him, thinking that his internal goodness, if invoked, will lead him to do the right thing.

But... perhaps it's because you hear his apologies so much that the words start to lose meaning, sorry becomes a jumbled set of sounds with no significance. And as your initial belief in the sincerity of his remorse wanes, the way you perceive him and his actions starts to shift as well. You have a lot of time to ponder things, and you start to feel like you're beginning to understand a darker element to his psychology that even he might not be fully aware of.

The constant apologies and meekness starts to seem to align with his intentions. That the apologetic sentiments aren't separate from or antithetical to his ultimate desires and goals, but rather, an active means by which he obtains those goals.

You notice little things you didn't before.

That even though he apologizes when doing something he thinks will invoke your anger, he doesn't seem shaky or hesitant. The words come out of his mouth, but his hands nonetheless move with straightforward, unhesitating intent. The illusion of this poor pitiful thing that just wants to love you seems to fade as you notice more, think about it more.

And one day, as he apologizes once more, in a moment of frustration, you narrow your eyes and snap at him.

No you're not. You just say you are to make yourself feel better.

Your words certainly have an effect. He stiffens, shakes his head, immediately begins to insist that's not true, that he really is sorry and that he really doesn't want to hurt you. He insists over and over. And the thought sticks with him, since he keeps trying to reassure you for days on end.

He seems so pitiful as he does that. Admittedly, even though you try not to, he's so very good at making you feel bad for him. You're the one kidnapped and held prisoner by this guy, yet somehow he manages to make you pity him so often. But that too starts to register differently the more you think about it.

Whether it's a conscious or subconscious behavior — likely the latter — that is the intent. He wants you to feel bad for him, and whether or not he realizes it — in fact, you're pretty sure he doesn't realize it, that it's just his nature and not a behavior he does consciously — deep down he's intentionally behaving as pitifully as he can. After all, if he's so meek and desperate to please that you can't help but feel bad for him, then you can't bring yourself to hate him, to be angry.

That, too, you finally one day bring up, on a day where you're in a particularly rough state of mind, having been drained of the fight you had left in you, melancholic and distant and tired. You're laying down, staring up at the ceiling while he's going on about some disagreement you've had, when he says it again, that he's sorry. You exhale a deep breath.

You turn your head towards him, too spiritually exhausted to summon any real anger, voice coming out flat and cold.

No. You want me to feel sorry for you so that you can do whatever you want, and I'll pity you too much to do anything about it.

Unlike your prior accusation of using it for self-soothing, this time, he doesn't immediately rush to defend himself. He just... freezes. He gets quiet. But his eyes are blown wide open, he stands there slack-jawed and still as several seconds pass by. As if your words aren't striking him as a jab at something he was aware of, but an expression of genuine shock, perhaps even realization.

It's quiet for a minute before he finally snaps out of the momentary stupor, shaking his head.

No, no, I just... I'm not...

And then he goes quiet again, looking down at the ground for a moment before taking a step back.

I need to... take a walk.

It's a quiet, uneasy voice you've never heard him use. He turns around and bolts out the door without a second of hesitation, lacking the usual five or so goodbyes he usually gives whenever he leaves. You're pretty sure you struck something he really doesn't want to think about... but in the end, given how he's such a slave to his urges, you doubt it will have much of an effect.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

He's very easily flustered and embarrassed even with topics of a normal and socially appropriate nature, so it only gets that much worse when it comes to anything that even most people would be embarrassed by. He blushes very easily, and it's very easily visible, which, along with general embarrassment, means he's developed a habit of covering his face with his hands whenever he feels embarrassment.

You'll have a somewhat difficult time even getting him to talk about anything of a sexual nature. If it's a joke or innuendo he'll awkwardly laugh it off, but if you actually try to have a serious conversation about it in some way, he goes red in the face, stammers and sputters and tries to give a one-word answer and switch to another topic.

Not that he doesn't have a sex drive or impure thoughts — he very much has both of those things, but as with his other behaviors, he's caught in between hesitancy and impulse, and for some time at least, his hesitancy and sense of moral wrong will keep him in check before that control breaks.

He hesitates for quite some time to touch you, even. He doesn't really keep a huge distance though, interestingly enough. As nervous as he is (and noting that he usually keeps physical space between himself and others), once he has you to himself, his self-control is just on the threshold of touch, where he can't stop himself from being in close proximity (even if it does make his heart race), but he's still too nervous to just reach an arm out and let your skin brush against his, to actually do something. So he stays close, provided you're actually being somewhat nice and non-hostile. It takes him a pretty long while to work up the nerve to actually touch, and if you're too cold and hostile towards him, it will delay it even further.

Once he has, though, he becomes very fond of touch. He likes to just wrap his arms around you and hold you close, can lay silently like that for quite some time. The more fond of it he becomes, though, the more sensitive to rejection of touch he gets, so after a while, if you keep swatting away his hands or jerking away from his touch, it will make him considerably more hurt than it did in the beginning.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Initially, he would be too nervous to really perform even if you were begging him for it, so even consensually that's not going to happen for a while. It takes time to get used to your presence right there, to come to terms with the fact that you're really here and he has you all to himself and it's not even a dream. That what was once so far away, always watched at a distance, is now right in front of him. He needs a while just to really process that and all the emotions that come with that realization.

Beyond that stage, though, as with his general behaviors, it's another issue of impulse.

Granted, he does manage to fight that one off for a long time, and will never bring himself to outright violate you, so it could be argued that he does, in fact, manage to summon some self-control on this one thing. It helps that he has a very "pure" view of you (regardless of your actual level of experience), and feels like he'd "defile" you by doing anything to you. He can ward off "bad" thoughts by instilling a reflexive sense of guilt the moment they emerge.

More importantly, he staves off any such thoughts the moment he considers what it would mean in regards to his own perception of himself. His set of values is borderline self-contradicting and somewhat amusing, where he somehow manages to rationalize everything else he's done, and doesn't see himself as a horrible person for the whole kidnapping and imprisonment thing, yet sexual violation is where he draws the line. He's not a terrible person or anything, but someone who does that definitely would be! He's repulsed by the concept of such individuals, so he could never bring himself to become one. He has a bit of a lack of self-awareness, wherein he believes that there's a world of difference between the two things, that his actions are just each a mild misdeed for complicated reasons, not a heinous crime like that would be.

Eventually, though, like everything else, it starts to slip. He starts bargaining with himself, running loops of logic to absolve himself of fault and diminish the perceived severity of a potential action. First he permits himself to have thoughts — it's just thoughts, it can't hurt you, you won't even know about it, so what's the harm done? By allowing himself to run through fantasies in his head, he'll get the urges out and lower the risk of making a rash choice of action, so it's actually a good thing.

It's only a matter of time before "thoughts" becomes actions. Sneaking a few glances as you shower or undress, letting his hands brush against you just enough to seem accidental, jerking off over you while you sleep, and eventually, it progresses to maybe giving you some medication to make you sleep a bit heavily, so you won't wake when he runs his hands over your body.

But it increasingly begins to feel like it's not enough. He hangs on this fine line balance where his sense of ethics and self creates a strong hesitation and wariness, like an automatic safety-trigger stop function on a piece of machinery, telling himself he can't do such a thing, while at the same time, the urge is so strong that once his inhibition is worn down, it comes out all at once like a broken dam.

But he still loves you, he still wants to respect you, he hates hates hates the thought of hurting you, so he uses whatever inhibition is left to refrain from actually doing something, and instead tells you. Asks you for help, even. Very openly and honestly.

I don't want to do something bad to you. But I can't... I feel like I'm going insane or something...

It's entirely truthful, but acting like it's just for your sake isn't entirely honest. Maybe, just maybe, it's partially with intention. Hoping you feel bad, hoping you take his request for help not in a way to help him stop, but to help him rid himself of the frustration and need. Maybe. And if you do, then it will all be okay. He's sure to emphasize that, if so.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Voyeurism/Somnophilia

These are included together because they serve the same general purpose: allowing him to alleviate his needs without feeling like he's actually committing some act of violation.

It can't hurt to look. Especially when you don't see him. Watching you change, watching you stretch, his eyes run up and down your body as his own begins to feel warm and fuzzy. He used to just glance and be done with it, but finds his eyes lingering longer and longer.

There's also the time he got home a bit early, came in through the back quietly enough that you didn't hear, just to be greeted by the sight of you panting and arching, hand between your legs, arm draped over your eyes, perfectly uncovered. It caught him so off-guard and put him in such a stunned state that he ended up standing there, mouth agape for several seconds processing it, only to quietly sneak back just enough to be able to duck out of sight if necessary, and to be able to hide his own lower half, working himself to watching you do the same. Thankfully you didn't notice him, and he was able to play it off as coming through the door just right after you were done. You probably thought it was perfect timing. And it was... just not for you.

Eventually, as his urges grow stronger, he takes to touching you in your sleep. In a way, it's actually quite nice because it's a calming and reassuring way to interact with your body, no worrying about it being too obvious that he has no idea what he's doing. No embarrassment over blatantly staring, even if it's harder to see in the dark. And even despite your sleep, he still gets an exhilarating rush every time you respond to the touches, when you twitch and make the softest sounds.

Mutual masturbation/instruction

It sort of ties into the former, but with you consciously aware of it. He couldn't exactly say why he has voyeuristic tendencies, but even when you're actively aware of his presence, watching can be just as pleasurable as actively participating. He likes touching you too, so he usually combines the two, so it's not purely voyeuristic per se, but combines the element nonetheless. Basically this means he wants to watch you touch yourself in some way, preferably while he does in another — have his fingers buried inside you while you play with your chest, or the inverse, letting him suck on your nipples while you rub at yourself.

But even if he's not actively doing something, he just really, really likes seeing you masturbate. It takes a while for that inclination to be exposed, because he's very shy about it, but eventually, especially if you're fully receptive and accepting of him, he'll muster up the courage to outright ask for it.

Just... I just want to watch...

Well, of course, he jerks himself off the whole time, but he is watching. It seems like it would be easy to you at first, but it actually turns out that the act is very vulnerable and embarrassing in practice, more so than just sex itself. There's something far more vulnerable about being laid exposed and actively being watched with such intense focus, very different from two active participants.

After a while, he gets confident enough to venture into another desire: he starts telling you what to do, gives instructions. Leans down and murmurs into your ear to touch yourself a certain way or in a certain spot, to arch your back, roll your hips forward against his hand. The only downside is it's very hard for him to not cum before you do.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Funnily enough, it's not that he goes out of his way to achieve this, nor has an "accident" by avoiding proper precautions, nor does he adamantly avoid it. Instead, he just sort of forgets. The possibility doesn't cross his mind, he's too absorbed in feelings of euphoria and excitement and so many intense emotions that his brain sort of skips over the whole, you know, purpose the physical process even exists for on a biological level.

Thus it's more or less inevitable. As you can imagine, his first reaction is intense worry. And to be fair, that's a very normal reaction for the majority of people, not just those prone to worry like he is. It's a pretty big deal, after all. He has far more things to worry about than the average guy in his situation, though. How is this going to work? Are you going to try to use the kid to get away from him? Turn them against him? It bothers him so much it starts to make him feel sick, he loses sleep, he's so distant and spacey that people ask if something is wrong with him. He doesn't really have a plan to counteract any of his fears, so... he just has to go forward and hope for the best. It becomes a constant source of anxiety for him.

On the bright side, he'd be a top-tier father, both with how invested he is in the child's life as well as how good he is at the actual practical aspect of caring for and supervising a kid. He's constantly trying to help with any little thing that he can, always wanting to take burdens off of you. He's particularly invested in the child's education, starts eagerly trying to teach them how to read and write and the like from a young age. The only downside is that he's very paranoid and constantly worried, making up these worst-case scenarios in his head, to the point that you have to reassure him that certain things are normal and not an issue, or that it's okay that the kid has not made a sound in the last 20 seconds, that not every single cough or sneeze means something is horribly wrong, so on and so on.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

If he gets desperate enough, if you're being repetitively disagreeable and hostile to him, the only thing he can think of is to make you need him. This goes hand-in-hand with his usual means of sensory and contact deprivation, but this time, he does it with orgasms. You'll get frustrated eventually, right? Even if you're not someone who has a particularly high drive, you'll inevitably become needy. At least, it's the best thing he can think of.

He's still apologetic and all, the whole time he forces your arms and legs apart, tying each ankle and wrist to a different bed corner. It never ceases to be borderline humorous, were you an onlooker and not the victim, how he will just apologize and apologize yet not waver in his actions for a single second...

This situation has the added perk of the fact that he gets to sit you upright and feed you, give you water. It's very sweet and intimate... at least, he thinks so, although you don't seem particularly happy about it. He still makes sure to leave you with little to occupy your time with, hoping that it will add to the desperation. You don't initially understand what he's after, but it becomes more evident when, after a day or so, he decides it's necessary to take some additional steps to expedite the process. Works his way between your legs and gets you wound up and frustrated with his fingers and tongue, pulling you so, so close, only to pull back at the last second, murmur something about how it's for your own good, and give you a kiss to your forehead before abruptly getting up and going off again. You quickly become irritated, kicking your feet against the restraints and snapping at him, saying a few mean words before relaxing your body with a huff.

With any luck, you'll hopefully have a very short tolerance for this torment... that's his hope, at least. He really wants you to just give in and love him and let him help you, and preferably be nice to him, that's all. And really, it's in your best interest to do so too, lest he start to slowly awaken to a realization that a part of him rather likes you tied and struggling like that... frankly, that's a metaphorical slumbering beast you do not want to wake.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Your thighs and legs. No particularly specific reason that he's aware of, just the natural and innate sexual attraction to the other's sensual characteristics. He likes the softness and the warmth of your skin, the way your legs feel wrapped around his waist, the shape and curvature of your hips to your thighs and the back of your calves, the way running his eyes up and down your figure makes him feel all hot and tense and excited. Most of all, he especially likes laying his head on your lap, listening to you talk about anything and everything.

You can also use this to your advantage — come up to him when he's sitting down, sit beside him and swing your legs to rest over his lap and his brain will undergo a shutdown right there on the spot. It's rather cute.

[keruimi]

The Way Back to Him

Sanemi x reader

Warning! Heavy Angst with comfort at the end

Note: I went overboard that I'm not sure if all of you would accept the leads🥹 Early Apologies. Secondly, please inform me if Sanemi's character is too ooc. I would gladly do better next time.

~•°•~

I fell in love with the person who had a painful backstory.

__________________

"Sanemi-san, my apologies but I can't return your feelings" she muttered as I sighed and leaned my back on the wall. I notice how her grip tightens on her uniform.

"I know. Because everyone sees me as rude, it's impossible to admire my personality at all" I started before standing back up so I can walk back to my estate to rest.

"Sanemi-san, it's not like that" she exclaimed as I just looked away from her.

"Don't worry, I just want you to know about the emotions I am feeling when I'm around you. I don't expect you to return it at all" I manage to stutter out without putting most of my emotions as I saw how her eyes start to gloss.

"I..." She didn't have the heart to tell what she is thinking that made me thought to leave already.

The atmosphere is overwhelming me...

"I'll retire first" I slightly bow in her direction before turning my back at her.

"Sanemi-san!" She shouted my name that made me halt from my steps, I didn't manage to go farther yet.

Maybe because I didn't have the heart to leave her yet...

"Maybe a part of it was my reason" she stated as I felt her quick breaths while I just looked at the empty road in front of me.

"But I don't know you better than you did. I don't know your story" I felt my chest tighten on her words.

"So forgive me if I can't tolerate your impulsive and abrasive attitude that you displayed to all of us"

I turn my body to the side so I can glance at her who is looking down while trying to get a hold of herself.

"If I did..." I trailed off that made her raise her head to look at me who is facing her.

If I did...

There's a huge possibility that she would see me in a different way than the world did.

But...

"Nevermind" I didn't continue anymore before making my way back to my estate as I left the atmosphere in silence.

There is still that slight chance that she wouldn't.

Storytelling would just open their eyes to your perspective. But it wouldn't bring them the same reasons why you did it.

I need physical evidence... An evidence that can prove my love to her.

But I don't know how I can show those emotions without losing the walls I build around myself.

The walls I used to prevent myself from forgetting her.

I arrived back home and my brother decided to ruin my eardrums for the third time today.

"You confessed again! Stop fooling yourself!" He screamed and an irk mark appeared on my forehead.

"Why don't you shut up you idiot!" I screamed back at him as I harshly threw a pillow in his direction before slumping back down on the couch as my thoughts wandered around until my little brother began to speak, more serious now.

"But Big brother, you still haven't forget about her. You can't push yourself to other women when your mind is always on her! That is unfair to them!"

I look down and thought about the words he keep repeating every time this happen.

I want to move on...

Every time my heart seems to catch on a different woman other than my first love.

I convinced myself that I love them but it was never enough.

I silently went back to my room after my brother tried to register his words to my mind but it didn't help me at all.

After all, I start believing she left because she still have dreams.

Our love is the only reason to stay but she has more reasons to choose the future she planned for herself.

I tiredly grumble to myself and thinking about her just reminds her warmth on my bed.

For goodness sake Sanemi, pull yourself together.

After the sudden meeting with the Master, I decided to take a stroll in the garden to calm my nerves down on the Kamado Siblings.

No matter what, she is still a demon. The blood of those monsters is already running on her body. That won't change anything.

I stop ranting on my brain when I notice there's another presence in the garden other than me.

In that one part of the garden, I notice the visible figure of a lady who seems to be in her own world, picking some useless flowers.

I raised an eyebrow on her actions before walking towards her and my footsteps immediately warned her about my presence as she stood up from the dirt before looking back to face me.

I don't know what has gotten to me but it feels like everything became slow motion the moment she turned around to look at me.

Her hair flows with the wind as her green orbs gaze at my own.

She looks like a beautiful memory.

"What are you doing? Aren't you aware which territory you are trespassing?" I ignored how my heartbeat quickened as I looked at the small basket she was holding.

She lifted a gentle smile before bowing to me.

"I was tasked to pick up herbs from any garden by Shinobu-san. My apologies if I startled you by my presence"

Such a gentle voice from a woman like her. I thought she would stammer or even become jolly like the other servants I came across.

Yet she manages to compose herself in front of someone more superior.

"What's your status in the Butterfly Mansion?"

I asked her as she properly stood up before answering me. "I am the provider of the herbs used in the medicines"

I nod before she went back to what she was previously doing. Out of nowhere she lent me a damn flower.

What would I do with this?

"That is Lavender. It helps with stress, my Lord"

She informed me even though I didn't ask yet. My frown deeper as I held my back on throwing and stomping on it.

"How can you make sure that I'm stressed?" I ask her as she just shrugged her shoulder before showing me a playful smile.

"Well, it's really up to you if you will admit it" she confidently answered.

Point taken...

Unknowingly, I have the urge to get to know her better. Even if it was against my wishes, my human emotions is also not giving in to my plans in life.

I'm already fine with flings but it seems like fate have other plans.

I knew I fucked up when I started to look for her presence. Yearn and longed for it.

And if I found her, we spend most of our time together in the garden because I got to know that it was also her habit to teach about the herbs she is collecting.

Sometimes, she is the one who can relax my nerves without even the herb she is giving to me.

I knew I was already sinking deeper in this uncontrollable emotion.

That I want her to stay, stay beside me.

But I don't know if I can give her the happy ending that is impossible to achieve.

When my job is to annihilate the lurking demons in the land. Too dangerous to settle down.

Yet even I tried to deny, oppose, or even refuse my developing feelings for her, there is already a change in my character before I manage to prevent it.

That I want her to be with me.

And that led me to me telling my growing feelings for her. And how can I hope she would like me back?

I still remember her words as clear as now.

"I don't like your character, My Lord. Your harsh and cruel attitude. I can't tolerate it but I know there are reasons" she started as I listen to every word she has to say.

"But that is the problem too, I don't know your story, I don't know you. So I am not sure if I can manage loving you."

Her words are full of honesty and no ounce of playing. She stated her reasons and I accept every word of it.

I decided to court her that day.

In two years, I showed her my weakness, I told her my fears, I shared my reasons.

I fell first, and I fell harder

I love how her mind was opened and her ears are ready to listen.

Every single second I fell in love deeper with her until she finally accepted me as her partner.

It made me so happy, Shinobu just ruined it.

"Are, Are? I don't accept it" she told me that an irk mark appeared on my forehead.

I don't know if she is annoying me or just wants to be sadistic. I heard her sigh that made me realize she is serious.

"Sanemi, Y/n became a close friend of mine too. On your reputation for the past years, how can I be assured you would not hurt her nor break her heart?" I can feel the care she has for my partner that made me give a pat on her shoulder.

"That would not happen"

"You better be or I will kill you"

And I continue to love her, if possible, even fall deeper.

Sometimes it scared me too. I am aware that she is becoming my weakness. And every night it scared me that one day, she would leave me.

But her kisses, her gazes, and her embrace held my biggest fear away from me. I loved her even if the world end.

That was a promise I tried to keep.

"Hun?" She called me as I lingered kisses on her exposed shoulder as our naked bodies warmed each other.

I hummed and put my attention back to her and notice she is thinking of something deep.

I snake my arms around her waist before I pull her closer to me so I can lay my head on her shoulders. "What's bothering you?"

I ask her. She hesitated to open up to me that made me squeeze her hands as she let out a long breathe.

"Would you allow me to leave? So I can pursue my dreams?" She ask me and I felt my whole body froze from her words as she turned to look at me with worried look in her face.

It felt like a knife just stabbed me without letting me react.

"Am I not your dream?" I decided to tease to lighten the atmosphere around us. But she just squeezed my hands indicating she was seriously asking me.

Yet the small smile on my lips never leaves. It hurted me, really. But I don't own her.

I just love her...

"Do you need to leave just to reach it?" I ask her as I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Do you really need to leave me?

"Yes" she whispered before looking away so she won't see my face.

"Would you come back?" I asked her as I tried to prepare my heart for her answer yet silence was the only thing I heard.

I can feel the ache in my chest as I just hid my face on her shoulder.

I can't make her stay at all.

It made me question so many things, so many memories of ours. Why would she give my love a second chance if she will not stay in the end.

That was my first question.

And it can be a reason to hate her.

But I didn't have the strength to. I can't hate her, not even one bit.

"Big Brother" I heard Genya call for me, trying to get my attention as I daydream again on the same garden where I first met her.

The moment she left, the taste of bitterness never left my life. Every single day, I could never forget the person who is my first time in so many things.

Chisuzu Y/n

How can you break me so easily? Why is it easy for you to abandon me?

You were my universe, you were my world.

And you left me for a dream you could have pursued with me. Why? Out of all ways for you to hurt me, do you need to leave me completely?

What can you do Shinobu?

When your friend was the one who broke me.

"Big Brother" my younger brother called for me again. "What" It was an irritated answer and both of us knew.

I would barely keep my past self from coming back again.

I became the same person as three years ago before I met her. Realizing I felt this heartbreak because I made her my weakness.

And it was my biggest mistake.

"Slow down Sanemi. You might lose yourself if you get too drunk" I heard Tengen's words but I keep going as they just didn't bother stopping anymore.

I drowned my sorrows, I buried my pain. Yet it always ends on the same thoughts lingering on my mind.

I gave her everything, but she left me with nothing but memories.

I want her back beside me...

~•°•~

"You want to become a swordsman with that lousy tactic? You hope to become better yet you are not doing anything for it. You think you can easily pray for it and they will bless it to you?" I exclaimed to one of my students as the others stayed silent. The anger in my tone was evident that I might explode any minute because of frustrations.

"Get a grip on yourself and do better!" I shouted before the student bow and accepted my words.

"Brother" I heard Genya behind me, his tone was not the usual serious one, it was more shock and worried.

Did someone die?

"What?" I asked him with slight annoyance in my tone.

"She is back..." I felt my world stop as I didn't have the guts to look at him.

But I felt how my gaze softened even at the slight mention of her. I felt my heart quicken like the first time we met but I still didn't bother to move from my place as I tightly held on sword.

"Are you not planning to welcome her? She is now on the Butterfly Mansion..." He informed me as I huffed out in disbelief.

I don't have the heart to. All the pain I felt when she left me was still evident, was still present and felt.

But she was the first one who decided to approach me.

"Hun..." I heard her gentle call of our nickname as I felt her hand snake around my body as she laid her head on my back.

"I'm back"

I felt my eyes sting as tears started welling up on it.

I don't want to turn around, I don't want to break again.

"I'm sorry for leaving you" she murmurs as I feel my hands touch hers.

"I can't hate you..." I finally spoke out as I turned around to face her. Nothing has changed for the past two years she left.

Two years that felt like a decade.

"I'm sorry Sanemi. It was selfish of me to leave" she admitted as she tightly clung to me.

"I almost lost it" I stuttered out as the ache in my pain never left.

But I was glad

She returned back to me, safe and sound.

"I won't leave anymore. Above anything, I would always come back to you. Only you till the end." She muttered before she tipped toe to land a kiss on my lips.

"Forgive me..." She asked with her gentle gaze towards me.

And how can I resist?

"So many people already told me that you were not worth it" I cried out as I lost the strength to keep standing in front of her as she kept holding on to me.

We were both alone, crying out the pain of our hearts.

"I don't want to give up our love even though I feel like I was the only one fighting for it" I tightly clutch to her as she offered me her shoulders to cry on.

"You became a villain to everyone's eyes but you were my hero, you made me become a better person when you were here" my sobs were uncontrollable that if anyone was watching, I would lose the reputation of the heartless mentor.

But the only thing I could think of was her.

"Y/n, I really love you... I really do"

"I know, I know that very well..." It was evident in her tone that she was trying to hold herself back from crying.

I don't have the heart for revenge, nor the heart to hate her. Because our lives are short, I don't want to waste it on another long journey of pain anymore.

We can always restart again...

And I'm willing to do it as long as it was with her...

[bonefall]

My birthday was a couple days ago, and I got to see my bio dad for the first time in a while. He surprised me with the fact that I have a little half-sister, whom I've never met and who was adopted about two years back. So, I wondered if any situations in BB mimic this or have a theme of "secret siblings" or "secret family"? Sorry if this is a weird ask; this blog is honestly just such a cool little place and I love the way you approach the subject matter and take the flawed misogynistic foundation of the WC books and make them so much better (JUSTICE FOR BUMBLE!!!). I've also learned a lot about healthy and unhealthy relationships here and am really glad for your deep dives on Squilf and Bramble. Thanks, Bones!

Not weird at all! I really like exploring all the little nooks and crannies of complicated familial dynamics. I think one of the untapped strengths of WC (that the writers seem to be unaware of) is how their MASSIVE cast allows them to present all sorts of unique dynamics. So I like to pick up on it, since they don't.

For secret siblings...

I'm pretty heavily leaning towards Ambermoon being adopted by Wildfur, as a surrogacy. Something feels correct about it. Especially since Icecloud is getting retooled into a post-Battle of the True Eclipse birth, and a major supporting character in AVoS-era stories as a friend of Alderheart.

Thinking about it, I should zoom in and expand this. Maybe have Icecloud, somehow, acquire forbidden knowledge that would invalidate the Queen’s Rights and he (transman) struggles with if he's going to use it to expose his parents as an excuse to help Ambermoon.

(Especially since Ambermoon and Icecloud are basically nothing alike. Amber is independent, bold, and vain. Ice is jessie pinkman big-hearted, disorganized, and deceptively meek if you look past his "chill" demeanor)

But that's wip-- there's also Breezepelt and the Three, who are going to have an actual friendship. In particular I can't unsee Breeze and Lion having a deep one. I know I commit the Cardinal Sin of borderline himbo-ifying Lionblaze in BB, but I can't help it.

Hollyleaf ended up nabbing a bunch of his most violent roles to make her villainous descent smoother narratively, so BB!Lionblaze's story ends up being more focused on Ashfur's abuse, comic relief with cats in other Clans (something that the very serious Jay and Holly have a hard time providing), and the emotional fallout of the big reveal and Bramblestar's turn on them. Breezepelt slots neatly into that.

They were friends. Lionblaze's whole life came down around the reveal, everyone looking at him and his siblings differently, like they're suddenly something terrible. Why can't we find a silver lining, Breezepelt? Why can't we call ourselves brothers if the whole world is going to do it anyway? So much is changing, but THIS doesn't have to, we will take their weapon and turn it to armor, my ally, my friend, my brother.

(and when Breezepelt is lashing out at the three because of the Dark Forest's influence, Lionblaze is there, taking the blows and trying not to give in to the impulse to send him flying with a single paw)

There's also Harespring and Kestrelflight of WindClan and Owlclaw of ShadowClan. All of them are from a single litter between Whitewater and Mudclaw. She was going to raise the three of them alone as ShadowClan cats, but when the sire was smote, Whitewater felt they were cursed.

She was able to give the oldest two to their bio-uncle, Torear, but the weather was so bad that day and the runt was so sickly and small that it surely would have killed him. I don't think Owlclaw ever finds out why his mother always treated him with suspicion, but it did mess him up horribly.

Over in BB!DOTC, Thunder Storm is getting more half-siblings earlier. Clear Sky and Falling Feather had two daughters-- Pale Sky and Tiger Sky.

I want to explore the way that the various stages of Clear Sky's life acted on his kids. How any little curiosity Thunder Storm had about the life he might have had if he wasn't abandoned is crushed by seeing kittens who weren't. How Clear's favoritism of his oldest child set the trio against each other from the start. How this idea of "love" is toxic yet intoxicating.

It feels good to be the golden child. The power it gives you over his sycophants is satisfying. To know you, and you alone, have what someone else craves. Problem is, that's conditional, and it's cruel.

What Thunder Storm learns from his time with his biodad is that Clear Sky is not his father at all. He's taught him exactly what he DOESN'T want to be. There may be similarities-- in temperament, in physical prowess (though BB!Thunder is three-legged, he's still ripped), in taste and senses. But Thunder Storm's father is Shaded Flower.

(BB!Gray Wing died in the first book, rescuing Shaded Flower from being trampled by a horse. Xey're a patron of wisdom, Shaded Moss is taking the role of fatherhood to Thunder)

His sister is Rainswept Flower. His mom is Bright Storm. If there was a bond he could have had with Tiger Sky and Pale Sky, it dies simply and cruelly on the knife they used to cut each other out.

Pale might have wanted to mend it, she was the gentler one. But she dies in the First Battle along with her mother. Tiger Sky is too stubborn to accept any help, should Thunderstar offer it, and Thunderstar isn't in the business of begging for others to like him.

Naturally I'm lowkey obsessed with them lmao. I need to make a BB!DOTC overviewww

[crowthesley]

- It's basically about DT roles.

When I think that my life is a bad joke I reflect that it could be worse. It could be like the life of a David Tennant character. I could have a heart problem and need a pacemaker as I drag myself to death of my own accord, because I feel like I deserve this and I'm so tired of everything, but I still have so much to do and accomplish.

I could be a fallen angel with a love hidden for 6000 years, punished for loving the universe and the stars and for having questioned what no one else would have the courage to, abandoned by the love of my life right after kissing him and confessing my feelings and knowing that they are probably reciprocated.

I could be this neurodivergent, genderfluid alien who lost his home, his friends, his family, over and over again, with so much anger and fear and loneliness and despair and desire to be touched and loved and never lose anyone again, even though he knows it's impossible, and yet continues to move forward and help people even if they don't deserve it that much.

I could be a loonie, passionate about radio and music, with lots of family problems and a brilliant twisted mind. I could be the coward vampire hunter with a wig, fake beard and parents dying in front of me when I was a boy. Could it be this old man who spent his entire life sitting in an armchair, so many ideas and desires in his mind, without the courage to take a step forward and witness what his inner adventurer is capable of accomplishing.

I think the beauty of David Tennant's characters is that you can look them in the eye and feel like they are as broken and mistreated as you, or more so. You feel like you could be one of them, and that they're almost like you (but not you, Killgrave, for god's sake).

And you see these characters rising up and geting a good perspective in the midst of it all, and that comforts and motivates you. It's like an impulse that gives you the feeling that you can do it too. That you can turn a bad joke into something you can laugh at at the end.

And I think that's truly amazing.

(This thought actually cheers me up a little. But after all, even though the lives of these characters are pretty much messier than mine, I really envy their undeniable style, the elegant walk and the Scottish accent. Oh how I love the accent.

Right. This text suddenly became gigantic.)

Allons-y!

[lurkingshan]

Okay now that Halloween is over and my head is clearer, I wanted to add some thoughts to the great posts @waitmyturtles and @bengiyo shared debriefing Only Friends and unpacking this desire by some in fandom to declare that it has no message and therefore we can't be upset with the creators for what they chose to put out into the world via this show. Let me just say upfront: I find that claim preposterous and completely contra the basic tenets of media literacy and analysis.

Turtles already gave a great overview of the foundational truth here: media is communication, and all communication contains messages, both explicit and implicit. For the first 11 weeks, I believed that Only Friends was attempting to take a neutral POV on its characters' morality, asking us instead to think for ourselves about the moral complexities and implicit messages of the situations the characters were in, and wondered if the lack of a very explicit perspective from the show was making folks uncomfortable. But then, in the final hour, the show shifted its tone to provide an extremely explicit POV on the characters and its themes (with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the head), with a heavy focus on punishing Boston, and that POV was so rooted in heteronormativity, sex shaming, and frankly, anti-queer sentiment, that it took many of us aback. As Ben put it so succinctly in his post: NOT A SLAY.

I want to unpack this more because it’s important to understand that there are ways to write the events of the final episode as essentially the same without embedding that explicit moralistic POV. If the intent was to maintain a neutral presentation of events that does not cast judgment on Boston, you would not do any of the following:

Have several characters explicitly judge Boston for being a non-monogamous slut in dialogue with no counterpoint voices

Make Boston spend the episode apologizing to every character while receiving no apologies in return for the wrongs done to him

Insert a random episode of Boston acting on impulse in a way that is not actually consistent with any of his previous behavior to make a sudden point that he can't change

Have Nick, who has been explicitly singled out as the one person who understands and loves Boston, change his mind and dump him in a frankly condescending way while Boston begs him for another chance

End Boston's final scene of the show with him devastated, alone, and defeated while the rest of the characters are happy and thriving

There is absolutely nothing neutral about those choices, fam. And they were in fact choices that the creators of this show are responsible for. They could have had the basic events of the finale stay the same, but changed the dialogue and framing of these interactions, and it would have completely changed the message being sent. For instance:

Instead of having Sand say Nick deserves better than Boston because Boston kissed someone else, he could have focused his comments on helping Nick understand whether he wants monogamy and why

Instead of having Boston grovel to everyone, they could have had all the friends just decide to forgive and forget all their mutual trespasses, or had the rest offer Boston sincere apologies in response to his own

Instead of Boston randomly deciding to make out with Boeing and lie about it, they could have had him invite Boeing to meet Nick for a threesome and have Nick react to that

Instead of having Nick dump Boston, they could have had them mutually decide they want different things and decide to part ways

Instead of Boston crying and dejected on the concrete, we could have seen him say goodbye to Nick on positive terms and walk away with his head held high to the life waiting for him in NYC where he can be his authentic self

Do you see how that works? All of the events of the story are the same, but the message it delivers is completely different. This version of the story would tell us that even though Boston's current friends don't really get him, and even though Nick is not ultimately comfortable with an open relationship, there is nothing inherently wrong with the way Boston wants to live. But they didn't give us this version; they gave us the stigmatizing and shaming one I described above. And that is absolutely something we should hold the creators responsible for, even if it makes us feel some kind of way about our drama heroes.

I have been giving this show the benefit of the doubt for weeks because I had a lot of faith in Jojo and Ninew not to put art out into the world with such a terrible message, a faith that was rooted in their previous work, including Gay OK Bangkok, 3 Will Be Free, and The Warp Effect, all of which featured queer ensembles and strong sex positive messaging. But no creator is infallible and mistakes were made. We will never know how much of the final messages in Only Friends were intentional versus a result of sloppy and rushed storytelling, or how much was the creators’ original vision versus studio interference, but ultimately it doesn't matter. We have to deal with the show we got, and we should be putting a critical eye on the people who delivered it to us. I know I will not be going into any future Jojo/Ninew shows with the same kind of faith, and I will not be pretending this one wasn’t a huge letdown from these creators.

[hedgehog-moss]

Do you have any advice on picking books for readers with limited time? I love to read, but in the past couple years I've been dissatisfied with almost everything I've read and I've purposely been trying to pick a variety: obscure, best-sellers, internet-recs, vintage, recents and I can't seem to pick well. I know the key to finding more good things is to read more quantity, but I've only got so much free time and can only read so fast.

Oh I feel you! There was a whole period of my life when I was desperately trying to find some alchemical formula to ensure that most of the books I read are good-to-great rather than okay-to-good. I had this scientific process where I tried to log a lot of details about the books I read and then look at the numbers year after year to find a common denominator. Is it a matter of reading more, or is it reading more older books vs. recent ones, male vs. female authors, books from my to-read list vs. impulsive reads, books recommended by friends vs. books I find myself? etc. etc. I made line graphs.

In the end the only factor that seemed to correlate with how many good books I read in a year was the number of unfinished reads, so the one piece of advice I have is to not hesitate to give up on a book you're not enjoying. I read multiple books at a time so it's easy to see if there's one that I keep neglecting in favour of the others; and I get most of my books for free or very cheap (from my local library, or OpenLibrary or Zlibrary, or secondhand bookshops where they're like 50cts apiece, or swapping books with friends), the ones I buy new are mostly books I've already read & enjoyed, so I don't have qualms about giving up 20 pages in if I'm not feeling it.

Other than that, I've kind of made my peace with the fact that finding a good book is a mysterious serendipitous process and most of the books I read will be just okay, plus a few bad ones and some great ones.

That said if most books you read end up being unsatisfying rather than at least okay, maybe you're not sure what you're looking for? It helps to identify what you want from a book at a particular time (fun escapism, learning more about a given topic, immersion in a specific atmosphere and if so, which one...) I tend to start a new read with a precise idea of what it would take for this book to be satisfying, e.g. "rn I feel like reading about someone's quiet daily life, maybe a diary or letters, set in a place or context I don't know much about, without turmoil or tragedy" or "a story set in the 17/1800s with flowery prose, interesting female characters, focused on intricate social shenanigans rather than romance or adventure" etc, so it allows me to narrow things down and eliminate potential reads where too many criteria are missing.

And I like to read a few 1-star goodreads reviews—some prefer to focus on 3-star reviews which are more balanced; personally I figure, if the people who hated this book the most cite reasons for disliking it that aren’t dealbreakers for me, that’s a good sign. And if the worst reviews cite stuff I'm actually looking for right now ("too long, too many digressions, long-winded prose, too quiet / not enough action", etc) then it’s a book that comes recommended both by 5-star and 1-star reviewers :)

[faerise-fae]

Not really a marauders character but: Tom Riddle #20!

YAPPING WARNING ABOUT ASPD TOM RIDDLE AGAIN

Ok so sorry for taking so long to do this, but my brain crashes every time i try to think about something that isn't obvious or just fucking boring. BUT I REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YALL SO GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS

The hill I'll die on is that he is an ASPD baddie, tho I bet he would prefer thinking about himself as sociopath, as edgy teens do. It doesn't mean I think he is totally emotionless, i think he is very emotional. Just not empathetic? This man is purely driven by his emotions from the start. Be it fear of death, resentment, and hatred towards Dumbledore or just general anger directed at the stupidity of the wizarding nation. In ASPD it's just that the intensity of expression of those emotions is different. He can look totally put together and like an oasis of peace, but inside planning whatever insanities only he can think of.

Because the thing is, anger issues are not rare in ASPD. ASPD is associated with impulsiveness and violent or risky behaviours, which can result in lashing out in anger. It's just that when you don't have many emotions to begin with, controlling the stronger ones can be difficult.

People have very different headcanons about him in that matter, i see a lot of totally stoic, calculating tom riddle who doesn't have absolutely any emotions and stuff like this, but I really can't see it. My man is a dramatic, cruel, entitled and IMPULSIVE edgelord BUT:

HOT TAKE #1:

Canon Tom Riddle headcanonned himself as fanon Tom Riddle.

He might have thought of himself as emotionless, but he just didn't acknowledge it. Growing up in an unstable environment, he hadn't learned how to stabilize himself.

Because ASPD is partialy caused by genetics, yes. But a very big factor in developing it is childhood and home life. We can agree his was very unstable, he has probably witnessed violence and definitely experienced emotional neglect. ASPD is all about lack of security. Its defence mechanism. That means:

My man just doesn't know how to cope, LMAO. When it was too much even for him to stuff into the back of his brain, he just lashed out. Acting on impulses was his relief from it. Adrenaline from it also helped to mute his feelings.

But at the same time, he just didn't think of himself as unreasonable. "It was never his fault, he was just provoked!" He also didn't feel guilty about causing harm to others because he didn't have any empathetic feelings towards anyone. How can you feel bad about idk, cursing someone if you don't see them as an individual with feelings of their own. Because how could he think about their feelings when he didn't have much of his own to compare and to even comprehend what they feel beside some very shallow understanding. AND BY THAT I DONT MEAN HE DIDNT KNOW HE WAS HURTING PEOPLE AROUND HIM HE WASNT A POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW. HE KNEW, HE JUST DIDNT GET IT SO HE DIDNT CARE. But he obviously knew. So no empathy but more like an educated guess. Masking king. He learnt how emotions worked for other people and used it whenever he saw fit. Pure manipulation.

Because again neglectful caregiving = problems with attachment to people and forming relationships. In the end it's all about him in that aspect. His feelings are always about himself and making himself feel comfortable and stable. He was fond of his friends till they were useful and till he felt good with having them around. He took pride* in gaining their respect and loyalty. He was using them to stroke his ego basically. And was using them in general. For stuff and things.

*HOT TAKE #2:

And here i have my latest hot take: his similarity with Harry in that matter. Harry is a gryffindor with some slytherin traits. And imo Tom, with him being the most slytherin to ever slytherin, his crazy pride and impulsivity is so gryffindor.

So there's that beside how we can all agree he was a liar and manipulator.