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ladywinchester1967 · 5 years

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What Happened In Vegas

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Elsie (OFC)

Warnings: Daddy!Kink, BabyGirl!Kink, rough sex, choking, spanking, dirty talk.

A/N: this is based on THESE damn pictures from VegasCon (credit to the owners, none of the pictures featured here are mine) and Jensen just being.....well...sexy as fuck. Unbeta’d, all mistakes are mine. THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION and we’ll pretend Jensen is single for this.

Her back slammed against the wall as she pulled the red shirt down and off of him.

“Fuck you look hot in this shirt,” she told him as they kissed “but it looks even hotter on the floor.”

“You’re insatiable you know that?” He asked as they furiously kissed.

“This is your fault,” she told him as she held his face in her hands “that fucking shirt, your smirk and this hiatus beard you got coming in? You give a girl all kinds of ideas.”

“Mh,” Jensen growled against her mouth “what do you have working in that dirty mind of yours?” His hands pawing over her layers. He stripped her out of her sweater and tank top, leaving her in her bra and leggings.

“You bend me over the bed,” she said breathlessly “and fuck me like a bad girl.”

“A bad girl huh?” He asked as she tugged his shirt up and off of him. He quickly wrapped a hand around her throat and squeezed as she gasped. “You wanna be a bad girl for me?”

She quickly nodded and he clapped his free hand over her backside, making her yelp in surprise.

“Bend over the bed for me baby.” he growled.

She nodded and he released her, she did as he commanded and bent over the bed, supporting her weight on her forearms.

“Mh, I like this view.” He said and clapped his hand over her backside again, making her cry out. “Definitely like that sound.” He smacked her behind again and she yelped, her core soaking through her panties. “You getting all wet for me baby?” He asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“Yes,” she breathed “yes Daddy.”

He chuckled as unhooked her bra. The fabric fell from her body and his hand rolled up her spine as he snapped his hips into her behind, she could feel his hardened cock through both of their layers.

“See what you do to me?” He asked “You like getting me all wound up baby girl?”

“Yes sir,” she said “I love it!”

“Good girl.” He answered and tilted her face back to his as he seared another kiss on to her lips. His tongue invaded her mouth, massaging over hers. She whined into his mouth as he tugged on her hair and made her look at him.

“Color?” He asked

They used the color system when they got like this and he always checked in to make sure she was okay.

“Green.” She told him, looking into his enchanting green eyes. He gave her a nod and peeled her leggings down to her ankles where he tugged them off of her. He got on his knees behind her and kissed up the back of her thighs, his hands holding her hips in place. She moaned as he pulled her panties down and off then said

“Legs apart baby.”

She spread her legs further apart and he let a satisfied smirk cross his face, she was practically dripping with arousal.

“All this just for me baby?” He asked and gripped her hips hard.

“Yes Daddy,” she answered “all for you.”

He licked her slit and she let out a moan.

“That’s right,” he moaned “nice and loud, let everyone in this hotel know who you come for.”

He buried his face into her core and ate her out like a starving man. He licked and sucked through her folds, then used his fingers to spread her open wider so he could have more access to her sweet juices.

“Ohhhhh god!” She cried out “Oh fuck, Da-DADDY!-fuck! Oh my god!”

Her chest heaved as he shoved his tongue inside her and began to work her clit into a harsh circle. She wanted so badly to fuck his tongue but she knew she couldn’t, she hadn’t been given permission. He gripped her hips tighter and pulled his tongue out of her, continuing to work her clit with his fingers.

“That’s it baby,” he said “get all soaked for me.”

“Oh fuck!” She moaned “Daddy! Daddy! Oh fuck!!!”

“What baby?” He asked “You want something?”

“Come,” she moaned “Daddy please I wanna come!”

“You’re a bad girl and bad girls don’t get to come,” he told her “you wanna earn it?”

“Please!” She begged “I’ll earn it.”

“Ride my fingers.” He told her and easily slid two fingers inside her. She cried out, getting some relief from the ache she felt deep in her belly from not having anything to clench around. With his two thick fingers inside her, she began to roll her hips. He curled his fingers, hitting the rough patch of skin inside her that made her eyes roll into the back of her head.

“Daddy!” She moaned “Oh daddy, that feels so good!”

“Fuck baby,” he moaned as he watched her “you wanna come bad don’t you?”

“Please may I?” She asked as she slammed her hips into his fingers.

He watched as she soaked both his fingers and he let out an animal like growl.

“Mh, keep going like that,” he moaned “just like that, fuck you're a good girl for me.”

“I love being your good girl.” she moaned and she worked herself up higher and higher, grinding on his fingers.

He gripped her backside and then popped it again, he used his thumb to work her clit into a languid circle and said

“Keep going baby, make yourself come and I'll give you what you want.”

She rode his fingers for all that she could and he watched as she came undone, moaning a mix of his name and cries of ecstasy. He worked her through the high as he stood up and unbuckled his belt.

“Tell me what you want baby girl.” he said as he slid his pants and underwear down, freeing his painfully hard cock.

“I want!” she cried “Fuck, I want your big cock in my little pussy Daddy, please!”

“That's it,” he moaned ad he removed his fingers and replaced it with his cock, easily sliding inside her as they both moaned. He licked his fingers clean, tasting her sweet juices and he let out a moan.

“So fucking sweet for me.” He said and snapped his hips into her backside, making the sound of their flesh smacking together echo through the room.

“Oh god!” she moaned as she clenched the sheets “God Daddy, yes! I love it, fuck me harder Daddy!”

Buyin' drinks for everybody But the pilot, it's a party Got this 737 rocking like a G6 Stewardess is somethin' sexy Leanin' pourin' Coke and whiskey Told her about my condition Got a little mile-high flight attention It's Mardi Gras up in the clouds I'm up so high, I may never come down

She stirred next to him, her head pounding as the lyrics she'd heard on blasted in her ear.

“Fuck!” she heard a guy moan and felt an arm reach across her and shut the offending noise off. Her eyes cracked open and luckily only a little light was streaming into the room as she saw the arm curl around her and pull her close.

“The fuck?” she asked as she sat up a little bit and realized who was passed out next to her. “Jensen?” she asked

“Hm?” he asked as he snuggled closer to her.

“Jensen, wake up.” she said and pushed him a little bit.

“No.” he grumbled and held her tighter. She let a giggle pass through her mouth before she looked around the room and realized her clothes were strewn about. She looked down and realized she was only wearing her underwear, as was Jensen Ackles, her friend and neighbor from Austin.

“Jensen!” she hissed and pushed his bare chest “Wake up!”

Jensen's eyes painfully cracked open and his head felt like it was going to split open as the world around him came into focus.

“Elsie?” he asked when the mess of blonde and red hair came into his line of vision.

“The fuck happened?” Elsie asked as she gathered the sheet up around her very naked chest.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I hope you guys enjoyed that; if you did, please leave me some kind feedback (which is so loved and deeply appreciated), leave a like and share with your followers, also smack that “follow” button if this is your first time here and you wanna see more content from me. All boxes and tag lists are open, so if you want in on any of this, let me know!!

The Squad:

@waywardbaby @waywardnerd67 @familybusinesswritingbro @ain-t-bovvered @mrswhozeewhatsis @unholyqu33n @dacleverfox @emoryhemsworth @bobasheebaby @myinconnelly1 @mogaruke @imma-winchester-addict @purpleskiesandcherrypies @dean-winchesters-bacon @animerose96 @roonyxx @snffbeebee @ezilyamuzed @mirandaaustin93 @srsllydunnodoncare @latetothewinchesterparty @emilyshurley @atc74 @midnightsilverafterdark @adoptdontshoppets @biawol @spaceystacey123 @bella-ca @clo-heda @closetspngirl @thekatherinewinchester @maddiepants @idreamofplaid @love-those-boys-in-flannel @flamencodiva @blueberrykushlovexoxo-blog @sandlee44 @tumbler-tidbits @rainbowsinthestorm

Dean/ Jensen:

@spnbaby-67 @akshi8278 @deanscarlett

#lady winchester writes #Jensen Ackles #jensen ackles smut #daddy!kink #babygirl!kink #supernatural #Supernatural smut #single!jensen

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inspiredbygen · 5 years

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What: Chloé “Elsie” Crossbody | $784

Where: Austin, Texas

When: September 23, 2017 | x

Worn with: Missoni Knitted Henley Dress

#Genevieve Padalecki #Genevieve Cortese #bags #Chloé #2017 #exact

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lilacxrosesx · 6 years

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i am so sorry guys if you’ve been waiting for a reply from me! this is just a list of all the threads i owe responses to, and hopefully my muse will get it’s shit together. xD

@mcdicatedangel - jess x anna @brxckensouls - jess x denver @destinrouge - jess x vera @fangsandmagic - jess x elsie @badassxsalvatore - daphne x damon @flickercfhope - jess x mila @freaksxofxnature - jess x hailey <3 / austin x lucas @timelcssx - jess x atlas @aprincessraisinghell - jess x zack @rosesxandxthorns - jess x val @writingsoftheirown - rory x roplh / marnie x sean @foundmeincarolinax - tawny x josh / giselle x harry @fxllingdcwn - jess x melody @thechxsenones - jess x micah @lostindiekid - jess x zac @lostbalances - kezrah starter @deceptxrem - jess x lara @manymusescherry - jess x rae @heroxwithxdreams - pearl x adam / skye x adrian @xdarknessxfollowsx - lavender x andy @welived - kimber x jas @thedonovxns - starter for skye x jordan

#ooc

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burninlovebutler · 2 years

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i was gonna post next chp of forever winter tonight but i had too much fun at a christmas party 😭 maybe i’ll get it up tomorrow ?

i’m also thinking about posting some headcanons for fw ???

p.s - lowkey scared to put out this next chapter bc i think y’all are gonna be mad at austin 🫣🫣

#i’m slackin fr #forever winter fic #forever winter series #austin x elsie #<3 #austin butler fanfic #austin butler x fem!oc #austin butler headcanons

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burninlovebutler · 2 years

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26 - NYE pt. 2 - Say It Again** // Forever Winter Series

pairing: austin x fem!oc | word count: 6.8k-ish

warnings: smut, alcohol, mentions of substance abuse, mutual masturbation, use of toys, crying, fluffy?? sad fluffy?? (u know the deal), slight sub/dom undertones if u squint, aftercare, please don't hate me, 18+, MDNI

summary: After Austin’s encounter with Elsie in a side room and his new year’s kiss with his date, he spots Elsie making a speedy escape. Plagued with guilt of his actions, he runs to catch her but finds her in a… compromising position.

previous chapter -> 25 - NYE - Til You Come Back For More

see masterlist - for chapter log & all other fics

We go 'round again, we jump back in bed That's what you do when you love somebody

These bad omens, I look right through them That's what you do when you love somebody

I died when you left that night for the thousandth time 'Cause you love somebody else

-AUSTIN-

Aspen pulled away from our new year’s kiss with the biggest drunken grin. The taste of her vanilla lip gloss and straight tequila coated my lips. I kissed her again for good measure, pulling her waist against mine. “You look stunnin’ tonight babe.” Cupping her cheeks, “Just like a little sparkly firework.”

She blushed a bit and nudged my arm, “Oh shut up.”

I contemplated sweeping Aspen off into a bathroom to get the feeling of Elsie off me, but I couldn’t do another fuck in a bathroom.

The roar of the new year faded back into standard party noise and Aspen hauled me to the kitchen for fresh drinks. She was talking to me, but my focus was on the door down the hall that I left a desperate Elsie behind. She still hadn’t come out yet, which I figured she would’ve rushed out to get her New Year’s kiss from Nox.

It was only when Aspen handed me a new drink that I saw Elsie creep out from behind the wooden door. Slow at first then quickly zipping through the bustling crowd. Condensation from the red cup collected around my fingertips as I squeezed it between my fingers. My predisposed path I expected her to take was wrong, instead of going to find Nox, she escaped to the loft elevator.

Odd.

Guilt began to spread through my veins as quickly as the alcohol. I hadn’t exactly been nice in that room with her. Maybe it was too much. Maybe I took it too far. I never meant to make her upset – at least not enough to leave a party.

I then diverted my attention to tracking Nox, between the many other Elon Musk wannabe’s it wasn’t the easiest mission. I finally spotted him in a corner with some girl, a blonde girl.

A girl that looked pretty similar to the blonde I saw at the bistro weeks ago. The girl that ‘wasn’t there’.

Okay so – either she’s upset because of me or because of Nox – or I’m fucking seeing shit again.

Either way I needed to find her.

“Hey darlin’.” Curling my arm around Aspen, “I think I’m gonna head home.”

“Aw,” The edges of her plump lips downturned for a just a moment, “Well that’s okay, I kinda wanted to go to the club and cash in on lonely partiers.”

A smile tugged across my face, that was exactly why this was working. No strings, just fun.

“Why don’t you wanna stay and party?” She dropped a maraschino cherry in her mouth then plucking the stem out.

“I just don’t think I’m feelin’ all that well.”

She twirled the cherry stem between her thin fingers. “Aw,” She pushed out her bottom lip, “I can help, you want a bump?”

It took a good pause for me to contemplate the answer to that but ultimately decided against it, coke wasn’t something I wanted to make a habit of. I had too many fixes to juggle already.

“Nah I’m okay, but thanks for offerin’.” Picking her chin up, her brown eyes sparkling up at me. I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t gorgeous. She looked like if you put old Hollywood Marilyn Monroe into a present-day high-end escort. The type of escort that only the 1% hire, the Jeff Bezoz type of escort. Her features soft like a girl next door but her body like – a Playboy bunny. That’s exactly what she looked like, a Playboy bunny. The sex appeal, charm and the cheerfulness of a Playboy bunny.

I pressed a kiss on her full lips but before I could pull away, she hooked her finger into my shirt pocket. Her eyes met mine again, plopping the cherry stem in her mouth and within seconds plucking a newly formed knot from her extended tongue. Her fingers rotated it in my eyeline before dropping it in the pocket, her bedroom eyes locked on me the entire time. “Consider that a rain check for the other ways I could make you feel better.” She swiped the excess cherry juice from her thumb across her tongue then cleaned it off with a pop.

Navigating through shitfaced New Yorkers on New Years was hard enough on its own but the urgency of finding Elsie and the concoction of chemicals in my system made it quite a trying journey.

Finally reaching her door, I gave my signature knock.

No answer.

Knock again.

No answer.

With a slight turn of the knob, the door pushed open. “Els?” I called quietly. Tiptoeing around the empty apartment before hearing small noises from behind her cracked bedroom door. When I stepped closer, they sounded like whimpers.

Fuck. The last fucking thing I wanted to do was make her cry.

I knocked gently against the door frame, “Els?”

No answer, so I decided to just open the door. We had keys to each other’s places it wasn’t like we never just showed up.

A loud shriek came from her lips, her bare legs clamping around her hand.

“I-“ Eyes widening at the absolute opposite of what I thought was going on. Her dress bunched up at her hips, her hand between her thighs.

“What are you doing here!” Using her free hand to chuck a pillow at me that I promptly dodged. I’d never seen her cheeks so red.

“I thought you were sad!” I defended, putting both hands up as if I were under arrest.

“Why the fuck would I be sad!”

“Well I-“

“Get out!” Chucking another pillow at me.

Then it occurred to me, and maybe it was selfish, but the sight of her like that burned something vicious down my body. “Wait,” A slight curl at the corner of my lips, “Is this because of me?”

“What?”

“Is what you’re doing because of me?” I questioned, backing against the door clicking it closed.

“What are you doing, can you please just fucking leave.” Her voice was so flustered, it was almost endearing.

“Hm.” I stepped over to her, only causing her to clamp her legs more and slink further away from me. “Well, don’t stop on my account.”

I sat on the edge just below where her legs were bent. I loved having her be putty in my hands, I loved making her squirm and writhe and beg. Green eyes just blinked at me, even I could see the confusion behind them, the conflict. The visual struggle made me second guess my own actions. “I’m sorry I walked in on you. I’ll leave if you want me to.” Dropping the teasing tone.

“It’s okay um- just what are you doing here.” Well, she didn’t throw me out, maybe I was onto something after all.

“I saw you leave the party, I thought you were sad. But now I see you were just hor-“

“Sh!” Her free hand pressed a finger to my lips. She eyed me like if I was about to pull some rabbit out of a hat, like I was hiding something she was searching for. In the slowest motion she unfolded her legs, keeping her hand over her core.

God she was gonna send me into a frenzy.

“Need some help?” I couldn’t help but offer.

Her middle and ring fingers drew up her slit landing at her clit but didn’t move. I could already feel my blood rushing to my hips. All I wanted to do was finish what I started at the party.

Adjusting to be between her legs, I pressed my coordinating fingers into hers then guiding them in slow circles.

“Wha-“ She began to protest.

“I can’t touch you remember?” I reminded. She dropped her head as my hand took control of the motions on herself.

“Fuck.”

“Now I’m gonna ask again.” Speeding up just enough to be noticeable, “Were you touching yourself because of me?” Her eyes widened, that was he rabbit she was waiting for - the ‘mean’ me she was yelling about at the party, the me that made her weak.

Her lack of a response caused a pause in my motions. Leaning forward placing a kiss at her bent knee, “Now what did we talk about words?”

Her already desperate eyes scrunched closed in defeat. It was those tiny moments of defeat that fueled me to push her further and further.

“Yes – Yes it was because of fucking you.” The angst in her voice indicated that she didn’t want to give in, but she was. She was pissed that I was right, that I saw right through her.

“Hm. You’re getting better.” My fingertips moving again, now in circle-8’s.

A low moan poured from her mouth. As rock hard I was or as much I wanted to be buried inside her or how I wanted to hear her choke on me, any of it didn’t distract from this. For me, sometimes this was even better than any of those. Being an orchestrator of a beautiful woman’s demise? A puppet master for a blinding spiral? Well that’s better than any orgasm I could ever have.

“Tell me darlin’, you got any toys in that drawer?” Her eyes shooting open again, more pink flooding into her cheeks.

“I- uh- no, I don’t.” Her words barely coming out past her stutters.

“Well, then you don’t mind if I double check?” My tone innocent, teasing. I went to open her wooden bedside table drawer when she caught my arm.

“No, no I don’t think you need to double check.” Panic clear in her voice.

“Mhm.” A swift tug at the drawer before she could protest further. Her hands immediately covering her face from pure embarrassment.

I was in utter shock when the opened drawer revealed a rather large collection of toys. Though, I suppose when you’re with a partner who doesn’t satisfy you, you need to find ways to find relief. Each toy she owned was smaller than me, but I chose the closest one to my size and girth.

When I returned to her, she had clamped her legs together again and was still covering her face. “Well, that wasn’t very nice to lie to me.”

“Shut up.” She fussed.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” My index tracing up the side of her thigh, “C’mon open up for me will ya?”

“No, you’re being mean.” She grumbled still hidden behind her humiliation.

“I think you like it when I’m mean,” The throbbing in my jeans was beginning to become painful, threatening to take complete control. “Let me make you feel good baby.” My hand curving round her full thigh, indicating to let me spread them. She paused then obliged, slowly opening her legs for me.

You know how when you’re really craving a favorite meal and then you finally get it and all you want to do is devour it in the most depraved way? That’s exactly how I felt the minute I saw her glistening heat.

“Alright darlin’ here’s what I’m gonna need you to do for me,” Gently bringing her fingers back to her swollen bundle, “I need you to keep doin’ what you were doin’ before, I’ll take care of the rest alright?” The utterly taken aback look on her face swirled both fear and excitement. Her dainty fingers began moving in circles once more.

Her eyes tracking me as I let a drip of spit land on the silicone member and massaging it in to lubricate before I brought it to her. Before I could even line up to her entrance she opposed, “I want yours”

Those were not words I thought would come from her mouth, in that moment but it only made me strain in my pants more, it took the last bit of self-restraint to reply, “You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not.”

“Because you won’t answer me.” Stating the obvious.

“About what?”

“You know what. The reason you’re in this mess.”

“Aust please,” Looking up with pleading eyes, “I need you.”

“Answer it, why were you so upset at the party?”

“I told you I don’t have an answer.” She repeated, quite brave of her to be defiant in this compromising position.

“Well then I can’t fuck you.” The words physically pained me.

She groaned in frustration, “Fine but…” Contemplating, gears churning while her vision traced from my face down to the bulge in my pants, “Well, if I have to touch myself, then so do you.” She said matter-of-factly.

Now it was me who was taken aback, not expecting that either. “Is that really what you want?” Confirming the fucked-up compromise.

She nodded pathetically, “Please? I need to see your cock.”

I didn’t need much convincing after that, undoing my zipper and tugging both jeans and boxers down letting my member spring free. I eyed her core before slipping two fingers slowly into her, causing a gasp. I moved them back and forth to get just enough of her juices to use as my own lube. She watched my every movement, from her to myself, then watching as my fingers wrapped around the head of my length and began to slowly bob up and down. I couldn’t help letting out a low groan as I was finally getting the relief I so desperately needed all night.

“Is this what you wanted?” Bringing my grip lower on myself and noticing her index and middle fingers beginning to work on herself again, “To watch me fuck myself?”

“Yes,” She nodded watching my hand as if she was in a trance, “Do you… do that to the thought of me?”

Suddenly that question that I kept asking her now spun on me seemed significantly crueller. Letting out another low grunt when I finally reaching the base of my length, “Of course, how could I not think about being deep in your throat again?”

A tiny proud curve tugged at her lips, “You think about being inside me?”

My hand now gaining a rhythm on my pulsing cock, “Fuck – yes.” I glided the head of the toy up and down her glistening slit, before gently sliding it inside her with my free hand. “Just like that.”

She sucked in a sharp breath the moment the toy filled her, but it wasn’t enough, “Please, fuck me.” She pleaded once more.

If I had to tell her ‘no’ one more time, I didn’t know well I’d be able to deliver it. My actions continued, now matching my hand in time with the silicone slipping in and out of her dripping heat. She must’ve caught on since her index and middle fingers also paced with rhythm.

“Does that feel good baby? Being filled up?” My actions sped up marginally. Using that word both turned me on and twisted my stomach in knots. The knots only tightened when I felt myself press a gentle kiss to her inner thigh, breaking the ‘no touching’ rule. Even though we were engaged in some filthy action, the kiss felt so intimate. Probably one of the worst ways I could’ve touched her.

It earned me a pitched whimper, “Yes.” Her hips ever so slightly lifting and rotated on the fake dick.

Watching her soaked cunt getting fucked by something that wasn’t me only made me insatiable, I needed her in my mouth. My hand moved from my member using two fingers to spread her even more. I wanted to devour her but all I was allowed to do was watch. Whines rolled from her lips basically fucking herself with the way she rutted her hips on the toy.

“Please Austin, I need your cock – I need to feel you.” Her voice even weaker than before, “I wanna cum on you please.” As she begged her thrusts became more erratic, causing the grip on my length to follow suit.

Her digits took over my work sliding down between her folds and spread them wide for me, riding both fingers across her lips. She was trying to torture, make me give in. And I wanted to, god I fucking wanted to, so fucking bad.

I returned grasp to my throbbing cock and my eyes never once left her pussy. “I can’t, you know I can’t.” My stare still on her core as if I were hypnotized. I watched the blue toy drawing in and out of her, her walls gripping onto it. All I could do was imagine it was me inside her. It took every ounce of self-control to keep me from doing just that.

A weak moan fell as she circled her swollen clit again, “Are you close?”

I thought about it for a moment, but my pulsing head answered for me, “Yes.”

Tugging at her bottom lip seeming almost embarrassed of what she was about to say, “I want you to cum on me.” Rose blush tinted her cheeks.

“What?” Propping an eyebrow and stifling another moan as my hand wrapped around myself never took a break.

“I want you over me – and I want you to cum on me.” She clarified, “No touching.”

My view moved to her face to verify what she had just said, “You sure?”

“Mhm.” Nodding pathetically, “Please Aus? I wanna be covered in your cum.”

She didn’t need to ask any more for me to be between her legs, it took every ounce of restraint to not just slide right into her exposed and begging core. I stole the opportunity to take in the full sight of her, desperate, wet, pathetic, plump lips raw from biting down any noises she didn’t want escaping. The silky emerald dress beautifully draped off every curve of body, accentuating her full hourglass figure. She looked angelic, only illuminated by a singular bedside lamp and the glows from the city. Breathtaking and fragile like one of those sculptures where you can see every wrinkle of the dress. Had I never noticed her beauty in that way? Or had I just been lying the entire time - had I always looked at her that way?

I knew I couldn’t touch her, but I couldn’t resist from trailing my fingertips up her thighs to her hips, pushing the slinky dress material up a bit. “I don’t think you want me making a mess on this pretty dress baby.”

Every time I fucking said the term of endearment, I wanted to punch myself, but I wanted to keep using it.

She blinked up at me, showing the most hesitation I’d seen from her all night. “I um, I don’t wanna do that.”

Furling my brows up at her, “This has to be like $200 dress you really want me ruining it?”

“$500.” Correcting me but kept her focus on the side of the bed, chewing on her bottom lip. “It’s okay I’ll get it dry cleaned or something.”

Out of every fucking weird thing that led up to that moment tonight, that was the most puzzling one. There was something wrong and as a man of course it took me longer than it should’ve to figure it out.

Smoothing my hand up over hip beneath the dress, “You don’t have to hide from me.” Her cheeks prickled pink, “I’ve seen you without a shirt on before.”

“Yeah, but,” Running her tongue between pressed lips, “Never like this. I never do… this without a shirt on.”

“What do you mean?” It only got more perplexing, “You don’t have sex without a shirt on?”

“We’re not having sex.” She was quick to correct me, however her point was debatable. “But, no… ehm, he doesn’t like seeing me like that… when we’re, ya know.”

Nox continued to shock me because like, what the fuck? Why would you want her to hide? If it were me the dress would’ve been on the floor before we even left the party.

I wasn’t prepared to handle her statement, well I wasn’t really prepared to handle any of it.

“I’m not him.” I reminded her, “And I want to see you.”

She just stared at me when I figured maybe I should reframe my words.

Fingers molding around her hips gently, “I want to see you. I’m not lying about that. But more than that, I want you to be comfortable.” I reassured, “So, if me ruining your expensive dress is what will make you most comfortable then, I’m okay with that.”

She took a minute to process my words before replying with a soft, “Thank you.” Her tone was more appreciative than it should’ve been, like no one had ever taken time to prioritize her comfort.

“I want to…I just,” Eyes faltering once more, “I don’t think I can.”

I nodded, “Okay. That’s okay.”

She looked so relieved, making me sadder than it should’ve. It made me wonder the sort of backlash she was used to when saying no.

“Do you want to continue?” Making sure we were still on the same page, “It’s okay if you don’t.” Her hazy greens met mine though I couldn’t tell what they were thinking. I squeezed her hip again softly, “I won’t be upset, I promise.”

She pulled herself together, “I want to.” Giving me a little smile, as if my basic human decency had given her a green light. “No touching.”

Normally I hated those words, but this felt more like a victory. Not a sexual one, but some sort of a victory, nonetheless.

I gave her a small chuckle, “Okay, you got it. No touching.”

In that moment it felt like something began to weave together. Every other time us as friends and us as… whatever this was, were completely different, completely separate. But in that tiny fleeting exchange, it seemed to be both versions of us meshed.

The way her eyes blinked up at me, a soft sage suggested she might have felt the same sensation. If I didn’t know better, she was telepathically telling me to lean down and kiss her – it had to be her though right? It wasn’t be me. For whatever reason the thought of kissing her was the line – because of course us literally fucking ourselves to each other wasn’t the line. You kiss one-night stands, I kissed Aspen, I even fucked her, and it meant nothing to me. But Els would be different, I just knew it. And as much as I did want to sleep with her, that would be different too.

Her hands trickling down her body snapped me out of my thoughts. Fingers beginning to work on herself again in circles, not taking long for tiny whimpers to escape.

“You okay?” Her voice quiet, insecure, “If you really want me take it off-“

“No, no,” Stopping her free hand that already tugged the dress up slightly, “You look perfect just like this.”

Soft lips curled up, “Thanks Austie.”

It was no ‘baby’ but it was close.

“If you want to…you could take yours off.” I never saw her like this, shy, embarrassed, apprehensive, vulnerable. I loved it.

It caused a small laugh, “Is that what you want?”

“Mhm.” A little nod then tugged at the hem of my shirt.

Using just the collar to swiftly slip my black tee off, I watched her gaze rake down my body now fully bare in front of her. She brought dainty fingertips just hovering over my chest, tracing each accentuated ab. I knew I wasn’t nearly as muscular as Nox so, I wasn’t quite sure if her regard was one of comparison.

Her floating touch never making contact with me until finally reaching the wrist that held my member, fingers gently landing on my wrist bone. Even just the tips of her fingers on my wrist sent shockwaves through me and directly into my cock.

“Continue?” Her sight timidly reaching mine once more.

Using one hand to prop myself over her and the other started working on my length again. She reached down past her right hand and took over the toy to fuck herself under me.

I held myself up, my forehead pressed against hers – the only part of us that touched. Our focus never leaving each other’s eyes, our staggered breathing matched in time, watching the descent in the other’s face.

“Fuck I wish it was you around my cock.” The hand at work on myself speeding up at the thought of any part of her, even just her hand on me pushed me further.

“I know,” Her clouded wide eyes looking up at me so innocently, so pure. “I wish it was you inside me.”

Her fingers accelerated as well as moving the toy in and out of herself. Knowing that my cock was just inches away from being inside her drove me insane. I wanted to bury myself in her and fuck her senseless. She deserved it from how frustrated she made me.

Our working hands were so close to each other, in some twisted way we were fucking each other - her rhythm with the toy matched exactly the speed that my hips rolled into my hand.

The gentleness towards her from just before was slipping out of my grasp. “I don’t think you want that baby.” My head falling into the small of her neck.

“What, why?” She squeaked. “I do.”

“No, because you’ve driven me fucking insane. I’d make you pay. You’re lucky I can’t fuck you the way I want.” The thrusts into my grip sped up as they would if I was fucking her.

Her breath hitched clearly not expecting that answer. From earlier at the party, I figured her voice would fail her again, but she surprised me, “Maybe I’d like that.” The artificial tool catching up to my pace.

“Really?” Breathing into her neck from how her words fueled me, “You’d like it if I fucked you senseless? You’d like it if I used you as my own personal fuck doll?” Those were things I absolutely never imagined saying to her, especially not like this but the bourbon burned in my blood and I had little filter. From how silent she went, I thought for sure that had been too much.

“Yes.” She shyly answered through a stifled moan, “I’d like to be that for you.”

“Oh yeah?” My hand now catching up with her faster speed. God all I wanted was to sink my teeth into her, mark her, leave her covered in remnants of me. “What if I wanted to hurt you?”

Her silence even louder, I hoped she knew what I meant or that I didn’t just ruin everything. “I think I’d like that too.”

“Fuck baby.” I breathed out and failing at keeping a groan from escaping into her neck. My climax was approaching. As much as I wanted to finally come, I didn’t want this moment to end. It was the closest we’d ever gotten. “How about if I wanted to fill you up with my cum, would you like that too?”

“Yes.” No hesitation on that one. “I wish you’d do that right now.”

“Fuck,” I grunted when her reply caused my cock to twitch in my hand, “You’re gonna make me come if you keep talking like that.”

“I want you to cover me remember? I want your cum all over me, all over my dress.” Her fingers stumbling on her clit and the toy erratic. “Aus I’m so close, I’m so close.” Voice strained through her rapid breathing.

I nodded, then bring my forehead to hers again, I wanted to watch her unravel. “C’mon baby, you can come, give in to me. Pretend that’s my tongue on you, pretend it’s my cock inside you.” On the precipice of my own demise.

“Fuck,” She started before full euphoria hit her, “Fuck fuck fuck Austin!” Her back arching away from the bed as she let out the loudest moans I’d ever heard – full of curses and my name.

As she came, I soon followed, fucking my fist as hard as I’d be fucking her. Vivid buzzing filled my hips then spilled from my member, coating her silk dress in milky stripes. Our moans swirling and filling the room. It was watching her completely and totally collapse under me that sent me over the edge. Her eyes stayed locked with mine almost the entire time, only breaking contact when they rolled back in the height of her orgasm.

Eyes fluttered closed while we rode out our highs, heavy staggered breathing in time with each other. Her expression grew progressively bashful, blushing covered her cheeks. A heaviness dropped into my stomach resembling restraint.

Restraint from what?

It wasn’t my body.

Eerily similar to when you can’t wait to spoil the surprise of a birthday gift. A budding secret threatening to escape from your lips at any moment.

I went to pull away to clean the mess we’d made but she caught my arm curling her own around mine. “Please.” A low whisper.

I had no idea exactly what she was begging for but I knew it wasn’t for another finish line.

“I can clean you up-”

“No, I need you please” She didn’t look up at me and I swore I heard her voice crack.

“How? How do you need me?” Replying in a hush close to hers.

Hesitated, “I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong?” Running through any possible mistakes I had made, maybe I should’ve resisted my own urges for her sake.

“I, just- I just need you.” Her tone now clearly a cracking dam of restrained tears.

I would’ve had a hand hold her cheek if one wasn’t supporting me and the other wasn’t covered in cum. So, I did the closest thing and nudged her nose.

“How baby? How do you need me?”

Her gaze diverted and clearing her throat, “I- this way, this. I need you to fuck me.” She lied, it was a shit attempt at the truth.

Well now I was completely puzzled, not following a single damn mixed signal. “I don’t think that’s it Els. What is it?”

And in just the second after I used her name tears seeped out. She quickly brought her free arm up to wipe the tears off with her palm, clearly attempting to halt it from accelerating. My brows furled at the sight below me, those were not the kind of tears I normally caused during sex.

“Please, please,” She pled desperately, “Can we do it again please? I need you to do it again.”

“Whoa, what is going on?” Going to pull away but her grip on my arm kept me locked. “Are you upset about this? Did I do something wrong?” I questioned, the only things that seemed like valid reasons. “Did I say something?”

The cries worsened, face reddening under the palm that frantically worked to clean her now flowing tears.

“Is that it? Did I say something wrong?” I mean, I had said plenty to her tonight between the party and here. “What was it?”

Finally letting go of my arm to cover her face in folded arms, now completely sobbing, sharp inhales, and her chest heaving.

“C’mon baby, can you please tell me what it is? I’m sorry for anything.” I didn’t know her cries could get any worse but now she could barely get a full breath in.

She visibly attempted to tame the tears enough to speak, “That.” She said simply.

“I- what?” Before the pieces fell together in a way I didn’t expect – I didn’t expect it to hurt so much either. “’Baby’?”

She fell apart again nodding beneath her arms.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry. Is it too much? Do you not like it? I can stop.”

She stilled, seemingly processing how to respond, maybe she didn’t even know. “Please just fuck me? Or something?” Her breathing steading just marginally enough to speak, “I don’t even have to cum just – something, anything.”

“Els, I’m not gonna – do anything – when you’re like this. You’re literally sobbing.” I felt like I was in some sort of twilight zone, like I was missing some key element. She just told me I did something wrong and now she’s begging me to fuck her?

‘I don’t even have to come’?

“I’m gonna need you to tell me what’s really wrong because, well, I can’t just sit here and watch you cry?”

She just kept, wailing. Pure, unbridled wails.

“I mean, if this is really about me saying ba-“

“Please Austin please.”

I had never heard someone begging for sex in such a sad way. It made absolutely no sense. “Elsie, I really don’t know what you want right now. I’m sorry for saying or doing whatever I did. But I need you to tell me what this is about, please.” All I wanted to do was make it better, hold her, stop her tears, whatever she needed, I wanted to give.

She took a long pause.

“If you fuck me, you’ll say it again.”

I took an equally as long pause just trying to wrap my head around her delicate words, “Okay, now you’ve really lost me.”

She turned her face completely away from me even though she was still hidden behind her arms. In a feeble voice, “I need you to fuck me, because you’ll say it again.”

Huh?

“Say what again Els?”

Another pause with struggling inhales, “‘Baby’.”

Not what I was expecting but it was more confusing than anything else she could’ve said. “You only call me that when you want me.” Her words sliced through any fluff, any of the bullshit layers we had laid.

Well, duh. What, was I going to call her baby in front of her boyfriend? Or when we’re watching movies?

“Well – I mean – you know.” Stumped on what exactly was the correct response. “I, well, I just, you know.” Fumbling again, like I was trying to play football with a oil-coated ball.

“See?”

“I well, uh,” What was I supposed to say? You have a fucking boyfriend? I shouldn’t be saying it in the first place. “I just didn’t know you liked it.”

“I know.” As to confirm my thoughts of how it wasn’t right, of how it didn’t make sense for me to say it and how she shouldn’t like it.

“Well, I’m not saying it to like- coerce you into anything. It’s not just because I want to, ya know, do what we did.”

“It’s not?” A sniffle as her weeping slowly began to decline. She knew I couldn’t answer it, I shouldn’t answer it. “I just- I don’t know,” Timidly pulling from her arms now looking up at me teary eyed, “I just like hearing it, I guess.”

Before I could even stop myself, “You like hearing it, or you like to hear me say it?”

Her watery greens rounded but just nodded, so feeble it was barely noticeable.

“Okay,” Finally regaining some control over the situation and realizing that I was still completely fucking nude, “How about this, I clean you up and get you into some comfy clothes?”

With a sniffle she gave me a silent ‘okay’.

“Uh, before I do anything, should I be worried about, ehm… him coming home?”

I fully expected her to shoot up in a panic, but she just shook her head, “No, he texted me he’s not coming home. He’s crashing there.”

Mhm, it had nothing to do with the girl he was with, right?

“Okay.” I made my way out of the mess of sheets and to her bathroom, cleaning myself off and slipping back into my boxers. Then brought a towel to the bed and climbed back in. I kneeled in front of her legs that had clamped back together, not moving any other way.

Trailing my hand up her leg, “C’mon baby, open up for me.”

Immediately I saw a slight glimmer in her now mostly dry eyes and then complied to me, timidly spreading open.

Any other time the sight of her still dripping and the toy still deep inside her would’ve stirred me again, but right now my priority was taking care of her.

I gently pulled the silicone from her core, coming out with a pop which caused her to blush all over again.

“Is it okay that I’m doing this?” I confirmed before actually touching her.

“Mhm.” Now hiding behind her hands again.

I brought the towel to her messy center and softly moved it down between her lips, making sure she was thoroughly cleaned up. “Does that feel okay?”

“Mhm.”

Then going to the dress, wiping off the excess of me that hadn’t yet dried onto the fabric. I tugged a bit on the scrunched dress at her hips, “You wanna take this off? I can get you some PJs and leave the room if you want?”

“Hmm,” She thought, “You can stay but, you have to close your eyes.”

“Okay.” I agreed quietly, pulling off the bed and going to her drawers. From the many drunken nights there I knew exactly which drawer held her PJs, second drawer on the left. I picked out an oversized shirt, one that seemed quite familiar, probably one that she stole from me and then paired with some fleece shorts. I set them on the bed and sat next to them on the edge facing the wall and shutting my eyes. “Alright, I’m not looking.”

I heard her shuffle around the bed struggling through the thick duvet, then an audible struggle and a defeated sigh. “I need help.”

I let out a quiet chuckle, “Of course you do.” I kept my eyes shut but motioned her to come towards me. “C’mere, I’ll keep ‘em closed.”

“Hmph.” She exhaled hard and shuffled her way over to me, the dress rippling across the wooden floor, “Okay, here.”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. My hands reached out blindly and met her full hips first, then wandered up her curves on a discovery mission. It was the first time my hands felt her this way without it being fueled by desires. A heavy knot fell into the pit of my belly, but it wasn’t sexual. I didn’t know what it was. It mimicked the feeling of picking up a product in a florescent lit mall, something you felt the instant need for, something perfect for you. Then you look at the price tag and the realization that it is completely out of your budget. Not that she was an object to me, god no. She was anything but an object to me. But she was out of my reach, something I couldn’t afford.

I wanted more than I could handle.

This intimate plight over her body outside of the sexual lens gave me a new view of her physique. The sightless wandering heightened my ability to discern parts of her figure I’d somehow missed, like the extra around her midsection. The part no doubt was what Nox ridiculed and made her embarrassed of, the part that she would stop in mirrors to body-check. The parts she frowned at, pulled baggy clothes over, the parts she hid. And yet they were the parts of her that drove me crazy.

My hands fumbled to find the zipper, causing her to let out a giggle. “C’mon now Aus, it’s not that hard.” A smile crept across my face and I chuckled back, finally finding the zipper and running both index fingers up the length of it. I kept a hand anchored to her side as I delicately unzipped the satin dress.

It was those moments, the giggles in between, it felt like us, normal us. Us meshed between those mistakes. Us meshed over intimate names and forbidden actions. Could we be us while touching the way that we do?

“Thanks.” She replied quietly, stepping forward and slipping the dress off. I could hear the rustling of her changing into the pajamas then pulling herself into bed. “You can open now.”

I let my eyelids open after what felt like an eternity. My gaze fell on her wrapped in her white duvet and gave her a tiny grin, “Ya know, I think you look better like that.”

Red peaked in her cheeks, “Shut up.” Then looking over at me with big eyes and I already knew what was coming, “I’m cold.”

I nodded and climbed across the king-sized mattress and met her under the covers, spooning her from behind. Out of pure reflex I wrapped an arm around her and out of sheer stupidity my hand found hers, intertwining between her fingers. A loud silence fell upon the room, like an elephant had suddenly made an appearance.

After a long bit of stillness came a barely audible, “Aus.”

And suddenly it felt like I was a little kid being caught in something against the rules, “Yeah?” I responded, nervous of what would follow.

She let a long pause pass, “What is this?” Her voice held a slight shake, sadness tainted through every word. “What are we doing?”

And just like that, she broke every silence compromise, every rule, shattering the close call clause. It dawned on me that I didn’t know the answer to that question. What were we doing? What did I want? What did I think would come from this? What ghost was I chasing and why?

“I-I,” I let out a sigh, “I don’t know.”

Her body wouldn’t have been more still, even her knuckles froze in time, “Do um- Do you like it?”

At first thought I questioned it, but how could I not? How could I possibly deny that?

“I think so - I think that’s quite obvious.” I answered simply. “You?”

“I think so.” She copied, her hand giving mine a gentle squeeze. I knew it was the champagne in her system talking, she’d never be brave enough to say any of that sober. That begged the question, did she mean it? And possibly, more importantly, would she remember? Would she remember my answers in the morning? Did I want her to?

I rested my forehead against her shoulder and placed a gentle kiss on her fabric covered skin.

“What does that mean?” She inquired another impossible and prohibited question.

I decided to act dense, the last thing I needed to do was misconstrue what she was insinuating, “What do you mean?”

“Like… for us. What does that mean for us?” I could practically hear her wincing from her own questions, bracing for impact.

“I’m…I’m not sure.” I answered honestly. I didn’t. She had Nox and now I had Aspen. “We’re friends… I guess.” The truth never tasted so vile in my mouth, it was like saying the sky was green.

She ever so slightly curled away from me, her face nuzzled into her pillow and from her lips came an even more vile truth. A truth so loud, so violent that rattled every molecule in my carcass. A verity that would obliterate every rule and null every close call clause.

“Friends don’t do the things we do Aus.”

Next Chapter -> 27 - The First Close Call

Forever Winter Spotify Playlist -> ❄️

Thank you for every like, reblog or comment, it means the world to me truly. I love hearing your thoughts and I'm glad you're liking my little story 💗

taglist: @cryingabtab @slowsweetlove @purejasmine @feverdreamcaoilainn @coloradohighs @iluvnerds69 @denised916 @julie181 @navsblog @centaine @golden-kiwis @michellelv (if you'd like to be added pls comment 💗)

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burninlovebutler · 1 year

Text

30 - It's Not Living // Forever Winter Series

pairing: austin butler x fem!oc | word count: 2.3k

summary: austin copes with the weight of his bad decisions with the help of a new vice. while aspen remains blinded by her feelings and her own addiction, she invites nox over for an in-house visit to help curb austin's withdrawals.

warnings/notes: drug use lol, withdrawals, addiction, shitty/angry austin, yelling, austin spiraling, nox, sad but important for plot, 18+ MDNI

see masterlist for chapter log + all other fics 💫

vibes -> fw playlist❄️

-AUSTIN-

I winced when the bright sunshine burned my freshly opened retinas. “Fuck.” I groaned. Once I had gained some more consciousness, I patted around the bed to find it empty. An immediate feeling of relief, then sadness washed over me at the absence. It made me ponder where I stood with Aspen; having her here constantly and being so… needy was suffocating. But on the other hand, it was comforting not being alone. God knows where I’d be without company through this down spiral. It’s not like it was the worst company you could have – she was kind, soft, caring, funny – and the fun we had. Maybe it was just the aftershock from her ‘I love you’ slip.

Suddenly, there was a hunger pain in my stomach and it crept up my ribcage - it climbed up each rib like a ladder until it was curled up in my throat. It wasn’t hunger for food but something else. I pulled myself to the edge of the bed, letting my feet hit the floor and shaking away the gnawing feeling. My nose suddenly scrunched at a familiar sweet scent filling the room. Using both hands to push myself off the mattress, I weakly made my way towards the kitchen.

The minute I rounded the corner I stopped in my tracks. There was Elsie, fluttering around my kitchen. I watched her wavy brown locks bounce as she wiggled a pan then tossed it upwards to flip a pancake in the air.

Pancakes – I knew that I knew that scent, it smelt like home. While having Elsie in my kitchen after everything was jarring, it was also greatly comforting. Maybe this would make everything okay, maybe pancakes could fix this too; they always fixed everything before.

“Els–“ I began but then Aspen abruptly swung the front door open.

“Aspen.” I sighed out, slightly annoyed and anxious.

She went to the counter and dropped a pile of mail onto the marble. She knitted her brows at my tone, “Yes?”

I gestured my hand over to the kitchen with lifted brows, “Hello?”

She turns to the kitchen and I follow her gaze, we both land on the same thing.

A completely empty black and white kitchen.

“What? I know the muffins aren’t done yet I-” Her voice faltered as she looked back at me, confused. “What’s wrong?”

One thing you could never underestimate is a woman’s intuition – and by the way she looked at me, I knew she knew something was up.

“Oh, oh,” I fake laughed and waved away the question, “Oh nothing.”

She eyed me curiously, “Okay…” Setting her bag on the counter. “Well, I have some bad news – well I have good news and bad news.” She scrunched her face like she was waiting for impact.

“Oh god, what.” I sighed, letting my hands fall to my sides.

“Well… bad news is, that none of the girls at work could get me anything.” She fidgeted with the silver rings wrapped around her boney fingers.

It was too early in the morning for me to be receiving such bad news. “Okay, well what’s the good news?”

She smiled wide, “Nox is coming home sooner than I thought, so he’ll be back and we can re-up then.”

My fingers curled into a tight fist, “How soon.”

The next succession of days blurred together into a fuzzy haze. Aspen had barely left my loft, only for her shifts at the club and to get food. The entire weight of the past two weeks settled an overwhelming ache pulsing in my blood vessels. Between Christmas, the plan with Nox, Aspen, New Years and the morning after, this had been the most unstable I’d felt in a long time. Maybe even since my Dad’s passing – maybe even before Elsie.

Everything was just shitty – and it was because of me.

None of this would’ve happened if I had just kept my hands off of things that didn’t belong to me – if I kept them off my best friend.

If I hadn’t relapsed, I wouldn’t have been cornered with the plan that landed Aspen in my lap in the first place.

The details and the technicalities didn’t matter, I just didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to let myself dwell on the specifics, on all the ways I fucked up, all the ways I was a shit person. I wanted to forget.

And Aspen helped to do exactly that. When my cock was in her mouth, when she was lighting my blunts, when she was pouring pills in my hand, when she was offering me lines, when she was sharing bottles of alcohol with me, she was doing exactly what Nox had intended her to do – distract me.

It hadn’t even been a week since Aspen’s ‘I love you’ and after I’d already finished the bottle of Percocet she’d given me. The little white pills were meant to be temporary, just to get over the hump of Xanax withdrawals while Nox was away– but as the absence of everything settled, panic began to fill the space. I knew I could handle the Xanax, I knew it like the back of my hand. Since college I’d learned how to deal with it, even when it got bad. But this…this was a beast I was never prepared to battle.

Xanax felt like a distant memory in the skyline of my mind. The only thing that took up any space in my head were those new pills. They put on little plays in the corners of my mind, they sang melodies into my ears drums. They were all I wanted, all I cared about, all I thought about.

In the midst of my withdrawals, the panic, the guilt from Elsie, and Aspen’s slip, tension was thick in the air between me and Aspen. I tried my best to stay calm, I really fucking did. But this comedown was nothing I’d ever felt before. I was just so ferociously angry all the time, at any and everything. I felt the aching need and the pure rage in my bones; it buried itself into the deepest crevices of my blood marrow.

I knew we’d end up in this situation eventually, where we’d run out and I’d end up in detox agony – or maybe I lied to myself and made the empty goal to not let it get to that point. But there we were.

This particular day, fury was burning holes through my veins, and Aspen’s lack of tidiness was my last straw. I stomped over to the bedroom, “I need you to come with me right now.”

“What? Why?” She squeaked and the pitch of her voice only amplified the skull splitting migraine I’d felt for the past 3 days.

I didn’t reply and simply pulled her by the cuff of her babypink sweater to the kitchen. “This.” I pointed to the lukewarm milk left on the counter. “How many times have I told you not to fucking leave the milk on the fucking counter.” The harsh words slipped through my lips before I could stop them. There was a tinge of guilt as they left me.

“Austin, what the fuck are you talking about?” She scrunched her brows perplexed. “That’s not even-”

“I’ve told you multiple times to not leave the milk out.” I spat out, repeating myself through gritted teeth, “Now the milk is spoiled.” I felt as though I was talking to a toddler.

She raised her brows in surprise, “I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about, I didn’t leave anything out.” She replied feigning innocence.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose between my middle finger and thumb attempting my best to remain calm. “Can you please stop fucking lying? I told you yesterday, literally right here in this very spot, to not leave the milk out.”

“Austin I-I don’t, we just,” She stuttered her way through, taking a step back from me.

“Oh my god Aspen, you can’t even admit to your own mistake?”

“I just, well I, I just don’t-” She faltered.

“Spit it out Aspen, what!”

“I swear I have no idea what you’re talking about,” She paused, “I don’t even drink milk, and,” An even longer pause while her eyes lingered on the half-gallon of dairy on the counter. “Aus, that’s orange juice.”

The room began to spin, and I stumbled back a step, “I uh- Yeah, yeah that’s what I meant, the orange juice.” I cleared my throat, “I told you not to leave out the orange juice.”

“Aus,” She held a breath before exhaling it, “I wasn’t even here yesterday, remember? I was working all day.” She took a step towards me, and going to place the back of her hand on my forehead, “You feelin’ okay?”

Reflexively, I smacked her arm away from me, “No Aspen, I don’t fucking feel good, I’ve been detoxing for the past 3 days. I feel like fucking ass right now.”

“Babe, I’m sorry. I couldn’t get anything from anyone.” Her tone was sad, like she knew she was disappointing me. “But Nox will be home in two days, so he’ll be able to come over.” She crossed the space between us and gently tucked some of my overgrown blonde hair behind my ear, “Okay? We just gotta make it two more days okay?”

Just two more days.

My front door jiggled open with the shuffle of two people coming through the door.

“Aus, we’re here.” Aspen called, the chill of winter hanging in her voice.

I spent the day in bed watching the ceiling and trying to smoke enough weed to stave off how miserable I felt. There was a brief moment of silence before her words had fully processed in my slowed mind. I closed my eyes and took a sharp inhale, both to prepare myself but also to gather enough strength to unglue from the engulfing mattress.

A rather unsettling feeling swirled in my stomach when my eyes landed on Nox in my kitchen. However, when I remembered that he didn’t come empty handed, there was an immediate wash of relief. Out of all the people in the world, my best friend’s shitty boyfriend shouldn’t be someone I got excited about seeing.

“There’s my man!” Nox beamed his signature disturbing grin. He threw an arm around my shoulders tugging me close in some fucked up half bro hug. The weight of his arm on my shoulders felt like sandbags. He pulled away and briefly inspected me, no doubt getting joy out of my bloodshot eyes lined with dark circles and pale broken out skin. “God you’ve never looked better.” His sarcasm sounded so genuine, maybe it wasn’t a lie that I never looked better to him.

Like straight out of a movie scene, he plopped down what looked like a high-end lawyer’s suitcase, unclasping each side of the locks before pulling up the lid. Inside was an addict’s candy land, the variety of substances seemed to hold anything you could possibly ever imagine. “So what’s it gonna be Butler? Take your pick.”

The air in the room became dense, like I was inside the walls of a cinder block. My eyes drifted between him and the full inventory.

I was really doing this. This was really happening.

“I uh-“ Running my tongue between my lips, then turned to Aspen. “What do you want babe?” Maybe if I gave her the responsibility, I would somehow make myself less accountable for our decisions.

She let out a small giggle then proceeded to point out the usual suspects. Pills, green, and powder. I gave Nox a nod confirming the decision and a smile curled across his lips, “Perfect!”

When Nox began gathering the products, I realized Aspen had made a mistake. It was the pure desperation that forced my hand to latch onto his wrist, shock flashed over his face before my eyes met his. “Not that one.” I stated lowly and he furrowed his brows in confusion. “I– We want Oxy.”

It took a brief moment for Nox to put together the pieces but when he did, a sinister beam spread across his face, “Well, well, quite an upgrade we’ve made huh?”

I crossed my arms, retracting into myself, “Can we just have some fucking Oxy.” I snapped, the anger bubbling up in me again. I was so close to tasting relief and he was just fucking around.

He scoffed and shook his head, plucking a pill bottle from the case, holding it up and giving it a shake in my eyeline, “I wouldn’t be so hasty with your words with someone who’s holding your fix.”

My brows lowered and my eyes felt like laser beams, but he was right, I couldn’t do much more than that. He held my salvation in his grimey tattooed hands.

“That’s what I thought.” He set down the bottle on the table. “I don’t have pure oxy, only Percocets.” He stated as he plucked the other parts of our order from his briefcase and set them aside in one little pile of substances. I nodded in acceptance.

Out of reflex, or maybe kindness, Aspen went to grab her wallet to pay but my hand landed on her arm. “You don’t need to.” I said simply.

Nox glanced over at Aspen with a crooked grin, “Don’t worry darlin’, your boyfriend and I got a little deal, you’re covered.”

“Oh.” She replied softly, retracting her hands back into herself and looked down at her fidgeting hands.

After Nox packed his pharmacy up, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, “Good doin’ business with ya Butler.” He leaned into me, near my ear whispering, “And if you don't wanna lose your supply chain, don’t ever talk to me like that again, got it?” He landed a heavy pat on my back, knocking all the wind out of me.

Before the front door closed behind him, the pill bottle was twisted open and there was already a pill down my throat.

I felt the torment of a comedown like that and I didn’t plan to feel it again.

Next Chapter -> 31 - Mr. Percocet

Thank you for every like, reblog or comment, it means the world to me truly. I love hearing your thoughts and I'm glad you're liking my little story 💗

Sorry this update is so late 😅 and perhaps not the most interesting/fun but it is important to the plot! More eventful chapters are coming next 💗

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burninlovebutler · 2 years

Text

25 - New Years Pt. 1 - Til You Come Back for More* // Forever Winter Series

pairing: austin x fem!oc | word count: 4k-ish

warnings: angst, jealousy, mentions of strip clubs/sex work, alcohol, excruciating teasing from a fed up!austin, taunting, fingers, lots of dialogue, 18+ only, MDNI

summary: Austin meets Elsie at a roof top new years party, bringing an unexpected plus-one with him. Elsie finds herself overcome with a foreign feeling of jealousy that demands an outlet.

prev chp -> 24 - Ski Slopes**

see masterlist/summary for chapter log & background info

will i still love you like this when it’s midnight?

will you still love me like this when it’s midnight?

the new year comes but i’ll be lonely tonight

Til you come back for more

-ELSIE-

Nox and I finally arrived to this stupid corporate party Nox’s coworker invited us to for New Years. It was what was described to me as “modern black tie 20’s Great Gatsby” themed… whatever the fuck that meant. I suppose when you work with a bunch of overgrown frat boys as business partners, party themes aren’t executed that well. My only saving grace was that I invited Austin. I knew Nox would eventually ditch me for his coworker buddies and leave me alone, so the least I could do was have Austin come with me.

I tugged at my satin green dress while checking my phone for any updates from Austin, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around to my best friend in jeans and a leather jacket – quite the difference to the suits crowding the roof top. I then took notice of the petite blonde that followed behind him.

Austin cleared his throat. “Elsie, this is my friend Aspen.” Austin gesturing between us.

‘Friend’ yeah right.

“Aspen, this is my friend Elsie.”

‘Friends’ sure.

I wondered if they were friends like we are.

And what exactly was that?

“Hi!” Aspen chirped and extended a hand. “Nice to meet you Elsie!”

I shook her hand, “Nice to meet you too.”

Austin seemed to have ignored the memo with his casual attire that made him stick out like a sore thumb – Aspen evidently had nailed the assignment, a slinky silver dress hung over her thin body. She was exactly the kind of girl he always ended up with. She was everything I wasn’t.

“Oh! I’ll get us some drinks! I’ll be right back Aust.” She pecked his cheek quickly and fluttered away to the inside bar.

Aust?

Who the fuck was this bitch?

“I didn’t know you were bringing someone?” I questioned, wanting to cross my arms but it seemed inappropriate, there’s no reason for me to be so peeved about another girl with him.

“Oh well, I just thought I might as well bring a date to the party.”

A date?

“Oh well, you just didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”

“I’m not.” He replied shortly.

“You’re not what?”

“Seeing her. We’re just friends.”

“You just said she’s your date, she kissed you.”

“I’m your ‘date’ to shit all the time. And you kiss my cheek too.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong, but the words sliced just the same. He never seemed to object before, it’s not like he felt this searing over Nox. Other than his hatred for him.

The bubbly blonde returned with drinks expertly stacked in her hands. “Here, do you mind holding this for me?” handing her cup to Austin, “I have to call Courtney back, I might have to go cover her shift at the club.” She said with a pout.

Club?

And she was gone again. “Club?” I asked the second she was gone.

“Yeah, she works at a club.” He shrugged, taking a sip of his own drink.

“What kind of club?”

His eyes diverted, “Ehm, you know just a night club.”

“Which one?” Narrowing my eyes but quickly softening them, keeping my reactions calm.

“’Body Language’.”

“The strip club!” I was losing my grip of restraint. Scratching his arm, he just nodded. “And what does she do there?”

“She’s a bottle girl,” He answered casually, “But sometimes she covers other shifts.”

“So, she’s a stripper.”

“No, she’s a bottle service girl. Most of the time.”

“Right, and you’re ‘just friends’.”

He met my eyes now, the energy shifted. “What does it matter?” He snapped back at me, obviously catching on to my unwarranted attitude.

I hadn’t thought that far, I reeled in my interrogation. What did it matter? “It doesn’t – I was just wondering. She seems…nice.”

“Well, like I said, we’re just friends.”

“Right.” I knew he was lying, he’s the worst fucking liar.

Aspen returned even perkier than before, “She found someone else! Thank god I didn’t wanna leave. You seem so fun!”

Oh my god why did he have to pick the more irritating girls. I gave a forced tight-lipped smile. “Austin tells me you’re a writer!”

“Oh uh, yeah. I work for an online magazine.” How boring compared to a stripper, suddenly feeling insecure about my profession.

“That’s really cool!” Agonizingly sweet, like cotton candy perfume. It made me want to vomit.

“What do you do?” Wanting her answer.

“Oh, I work at the strip club down the street, I’m a bottle service girl!” She answered like it was the most prestigious job.

So, he wasn’t lying about that. “So, you never strip?” I felt Austin’s eyes burning into me.

She giggled, “Oh sometimes I do, that’s where the real money is.” Of course it is.

“I bet. And what does a bottle girl do exactly?” Taking a very necessary gulp of my saturated drink. I knew my tone came off quite judge-y, but I couldn’t help it. I’m extremely supportive of sex workers, it wasn’t about that. It was something else.

“Well let’s see. Mostly I just walk around in lingerie pouring drinks for the patrons. I can give lap dances if I want to. Or use the private rooms if I’m asked specifically.” She spoke about it so professionally. I’d never heard a club employee explain their duties like that.

“Ah.” I stole the last sip of my drink.

“I keep telling Austie he needs to come visit me!” She looked up at him like a little kid and he curled his arm around her waist.

Austie? Only I ever called him that. Me. Just me.

“You could come visit too!” She offered, “If you’re into that. You could bring your boyfriend.”

I snapped my eyes up to Austin’s, “Maybe I will.” His eyes matched my intensity. Aspen didn’t seem to notice, or at least didn’t care. The ditzy blonde reminded me of literally every girl he’d ever dated. Though, she was nicer than most. At least she was fucking nice. I never understood how he ended up with girls like her, he’s so the opposite of anything they were.

I wanted absolutely nothing more about this interaction. Scanning the crowd for Nox, he blended into all the rest of the 3-piece suits. “Well, I better find Nox, it was nice meeting you Aspen.” I fled before she even had a chance to respond.

As predicted, Nox payed little attention to me, leaving me alone with too many glasses of champagne and a dance floor. The latest Doja Cat song blared from the DJ’s speakers and to say that I was enjoying myself would be an understatement. The alcohol coursing through my veins, the anger of Nox’s absence and the unexplainable fury with Austin all fueled the way I danced and spun around the dance floor. My hips swung in time with the music and my emerald green dress flowed accordingly.

Every time I caught a glimpse of Austin, his eyes were already on me. It was interesting to see the difference of his gaze on me versus Aspen. On me, his eyes were dark, brooding, maybe even… angry?

On her, it was soft, kind, happy, fun.

That was how he would look at me, when we were alone. Maybe that just wasn’t us anymore. Perhaps we’d crossed one too many lines to stay who we were. If our, incidents, were starting to cause a rift between us, I knew it had to end. Just the idea of living without him as my best friend was unbearable. The weirdness between us had to end, no matter how much I disliked his new girlfriend.

Lost in my own thoughts, I twirled into another swirling girl resulting in her red wine spilling all down the front of your satin dress. A sharp gasp came from you as the cold liquid spread over your clothes.

“What the fuck.” You muttered trying to piece together what happened. To your shock stood Aspen covering her filled lips with a dainty hand.

“Oh my gosh Elsie I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-“ She began desperately apologizing, not a hint of insincerity in her voice, but it only made me more infuriated.

Even in my drunken state I knew I shouldn’t voice the vile words I had swirling in my head. “I have to go.” Brushing harshly between them to the kitchen within the penthouse. Behind me I heard Austin apologize to Aspen before his footsteps tried to keep up after me.

“Elsie!” He called and didn’t take long before he caught up to me, “What the fuck was that about?”

I spun to face him emphasizing the growing deep red stain on my slitted dress, “She got fucking red wine on my dress, that’s what that was about.” I hissed turning and charging back away from him, pushing through the crowded loft. Boiling alcohol bubbled in my veins

“You bumped into her and knocked it on yourself Elsie.” His tone was far calmer than what I’d expected, I expected him to be angrier – angrier at me for knocking into his sparkly new girlfriend or angrier at her for spilling wine onto me. The calmness of it was making me angry. Why wasn’t he angry at either of those things?

I felt his hand grasp my arm briefly but dislodged thanks to a stranger’s passing elbow. Each body I brushed past built up the already boiling alcohol in my veins, I couldn’t look back at him, I didn’t dare - I was seeing red and I didn’t want to see it on him.

Though, it was no surprise that he caught up to me – amazing how much speed you gain from just having height. His hand clamped itself around my bicep, “Let me help you.” A grumbled whisper filled your ear, his warm breath shooting goosebumps across your neck.

Of course, I retracted my arm from him, “No I don’t fucking need your help.” But his grip didn’t give, and he hauled me into the crowded kitchen.

“Yes, you fucking do Elsie,” Both tone and facial expressions curled with frustration but immediately toned it down when he noticed the other people in the kitchen watching, who soon filed out, no doubt from the uncomfortable air. Once gone he wrapped his hands firm on my shoulders, dark blue eyes glaring down at me. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Finally, I was able to wiggle my way out of his grasp, “I don’t have a fucking problem. You’re the one being the prick.”

He rolled his eyes and snatched a dish towel, running it under water before tugging the wet material from my chest. “I’m being a prick by dancing with my date?” He snapped, his focus seemingly on getting the stain out.

“No, you’re just – I don’t know you’re just being fucking mean.” I flustered, the adrenaline pumping through my body was making every thought and memory blurry.

“Mean?” With snide, glancing up at me briefly, “How the fuck am I being mean? Because I fucking brought a girl to a party? Because I didn’t come to be your secondary date?”

I noticed his eyes subtly surveying the party behind the kitchen as if he was ashamed to be seen with me. “No – No it’s not about that.” I stuttered out, realizing I didn’t have an answer.

Dropping the fabric and slamming the towel on the counter, “Then what is it about Elsie, please fucking enlighten me.”

He ran his tongue across his bottom lip at the lack of my response, “Hm.”

Oh– his tongue. It had taken every piece of me to snuff out the memory of his tongue. His tongue on my – his tongue making me feel things I’d never felt. My eyes lingered on his plump lips, it sent a warm trickle down to my lower stomach.

As much as I wanted it, I couldn’t. Not again. We had just gotten past it.

“It’s ju-“ I was in his grasp again, my wrist this time being used to tow me away to the hallway. Jiggling the handle of every room before finding an empty one and pulled us into it. He locked the door and spun me against the door.

My arms crossed over my chest, “What? You’re scared of her seeing me with you?”

“What does it fucking matter Elsie?” Through straight, gritted teeth.

“So, you are scared of your girlfriend seeing us.”

“For the last fucking time she’s not my girlfriend.” He pushed himself off the door running fingers through his golden hair. “Jesus fucking christ, what does it fucking matter?”

“Answer the question.”

“What? If I care if she sees me with you?” He stepped back closer, towering over me then leaning down to eye level. “No, she doesn’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck. We’re not together. She’d try to fuck you if she wanted.”

“Well I-“ Pressing back into the door as if I could camouflage into it.

“You what?” He hissed, eyes narrow and callous.

I blurted the only sane answer I could think of, “I don’t like her.”

“I don’t like Nox.” Shooting back with even stronger ammo. I made him put up with Nox, why couldn’t I just fucking put up with Aspen.

“Yeah but-“

“Actually, you know what I’d like to know why you don’t like her. Because she’s been nothing but nice to you. And you’ve been fucking rude.” His accelerating voice almost frightened me.

“Augh- It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about Elsie.” His thinning dark blues felt like lasers.

“I don’t know it’s not-“

“What is it about.” He questioned again before I could even finish my sentence.

“I-I don’t know it’s not her-.”

“Then what the fuck is it about!” His hand slammed against the door right beside my head.

I immediately tensed beneath him. “I don’t have an answer.” I let out quietly.

“I think you do.” He moved closer, his voice even lower.

“I-I really don’t.” I sputtered out, barely even loud enough to hear.

His hand gave him an anchor on the door to lean down just below my ear, “Sure you do. C’mon use your words.”

My breath hitched in my throat as if I just swallowed an ice cube whole. The words rang a memory of when I was in his lap, in the bathroom on Christmas. His tone smooth as butter, vastly different than the fuming voice from just seconds ago. It caused a flutter in the pit of my belly and my heartrate to spike. The ice cube in my throat kept me silent.

His hand tilted my chin up to face him, “You can do it darlin’. Use your words.” His words were sweet, encouraging, but his tone was anything but. Condescending, teasing, punishing. It was like my voice was stolen, I couldn’t even form a sentence. I couldn’t think over my heart thumping against my skull. I could only blink up at him.

His hand moved up my side – but never touching. His touch hovering over my body, somehow worse than him actually touching me. The flutter in my stomach now dropped between my thighs. Moving to my chest, a bent knuckle traced around my breast then just ever so slightly grazing my hardened nipple. I took my lip between my teeth trying to stifle a moan, but it failed. “Fuck.” I breathed out, causing a smirk to curl his lips. How did he make me so fucking weak.

“Ah, that’s it. So, you can use your words.” His deepened voice sent shivers down my spine and straight between my legs. And again, the ability to speak left.

His hovering fingers descended down my front painfully slow. “Could you do that for me again?” I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Then his fingers now lingering in front of my core. The buzzing below my hips only worsened. The feeling of his hand just being near me was enough to cause a pooling in my panties. I sucked in a staggered breath.

“What’s wrong darlin’?” His hand now hovering back and forth across my hips. “You want me to touch you?” My eyes widened, what the fuck was he doing to me, some twisted hypnotic dance. A devious smile spread across his face, “Ah that’s it isn’t it?”

My heart now in my throat, threatening to rip out of my body. I still couldn’t speak, I didn’t want to answer. And yet I nodded. His lips again at my ear, “Well maybe if you use your words, I just might.”

The throbbing in my core begged me to respond. “Please.” I whispered.

The same devious smirk returned, but he didn’t move any closer to me. “I wanna hear it again.”

“Fuck, please.” Two fingers now moved in circles a centimeter away from where I needed him.

“Please what?”

“Please touch me.” The words leaving me much whinier than intended.

“Hm. I don’t think so.”

“What? Why?”

“Don’t you remember? Your own rule.” His words so fucking serrated. “’No touching’.”

I suddenly regretted every word past me ever said. This also confused me since we had touched before, technically. I just wanted to do that again, just enough for it to not feel as wrong. Even though, it still lingered a guilt. “We’ve touched before.” Looking up at him with innocent eyes. For some reason my response made me nervous for his reaction.

And I was right, his gaze turning menacing, “Yeah, I’m not doing that shit anymore. We’re either gonna touch or we’re not.” His brows lowering, striking both fear and arousal in me. “All or nothing. I’m done caring about the rules, I want to break them.”

My eyes rounded and my fucking speech leaving me yet again. How was I supposed to argue with him, I couldn’t break them. No matter how much I wanted to.

He hummed, “I have a question.” My stare answered for me.

“You still think about me when you’re touching yourself?”

Fuck not this again. I didn’t want to answer it this time as it had only gotten more rampant since Christmas. Especially when I thought of his cock in my mouth. I hesitated before answering, worried of how I’d respond if he grew any more taunting. “Yes.” Barely a whisper.

“Hm.” Pausing before continuing, “And how is that any different than my fingers on you? I mean, you’re imaging they’re my fingers aren’t you?” My mouth went to gasp but suddenly lost function. He was fucking torturing me. “So,” Another pause, “So your fingers get to touch your pretty pussy but mine don’t?”

God fucking damnit. My panties already fucking drenched and he hadn’t even touched me.

“That’s pretty selfish darlin’, don’t ya think?” He continued this taunting little game, “You get to make yourself cum to the thought of me, but you won’t even let me actually do it.” The fact that he was so focused on my own pleasure made it even fucking worse. He wasn’t here complaining that I wasn’t getting him off, he was complaining that I wouldn’t let him get me off. I’d never been with anyone who cared so much about my own orgasm like that.

“If you’re so deprived that you need to touch yourself thinkin’ about me,” His teasing fingers resumed their cruel motions just in front of where I wanted him the most. “Then I wonder, if I could make you cum without even touching you at all.”

The rapid pulse in my clit suggested he might. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the door. I could feel the electric distant swirling of his fingers right in front of my sensitivity. “Remember what my tongue felt like? If I could touch you, you’d be in my mouth right now.”

“Fuck.” Was all I could muster.

“I’d swirl over your swollen clit while my fingers fucked you. I’d fucking devour you.” His cruel tone only worsening the problem between my legs.

“Fuck Austin, please don’t stop.” It was like my brain was communicating with my body, creating an imaginary feeling as if it was happening, as if his fingers were actually touching me. But I wanted the real thing. My shifting thighs made a feeble attempt at any added friction.

“Fuck, if I was allowed to touch you, I’d wanna be inside you, I’d want to fuck you. Would you like that?” He’d never said that out loud, we’d never said that out loud, and there it was like it was the easiest thing in the world for him to say.

Silence – Yes I fucking would. I need it right now. Is what I would say if I had any ounce of bravery.

“C’mon baby,” He whispered into my neck, “Wouldn’t you like my cock deep inside of you?” Goosebumps ruptured across every inch of my skin.

Baby

That name never did much for me, but in his voice, god I swore it was different. He’d only used it a time or two before and I’d never had any name make my stomach flip the way his ‘Baby’ did. It was like a warm blanket I never wanted to unravel from.

“Yes.” The buzzing and the wetness in my panties only grew, I didn’t know how much more they could absorb.

“Good girl, you can follow directions.” Teasing, as if he were talking to a hound dog that finally learned a trick.

“What- What would you do next?” My eyes timidly looking up at him, the sight of him only intensifying every blinking nerve in my body.

“Hm. I like when you listen to me. I just might let you cum.”

Pressing my thighs together even rougher only barely aiding the pulsing, driving me toward my finish line. “Fuck.”

“I’d push you to the edge over and over.” His crooked words curled around every blood vessel, pushing my heart into a dangerously fast pulse.

“Multiple times?” I squeaked both in fright and excitement.

He let out a chuckle as if he was proud, probably remembering the couch. “Yeah baby, multiple times. God, I’d hold you there, torturing you with my tongue. Again and again.”

“O-Oh.”

“Then I’d go back to fucking you, burying myself deep inside your wet cunt.” As much as he would probably deny it, I knew he was struggling just as me. I could feel his hard member against my thigh only making my core crave him more.

“I need you to touch me, I take it back. I take it all back. I don’t want this rule anymore.” I wanted him, all of him – no, I needed all of him.

“Nuh uh, that’s not how this works.”

“Please.” I begged.

“Alright, I’ll oblige, just a bit.” His fingers now pressed against my covered clit, over the dress and panties. He began ever so slightly moving them in circular motions. It wasn’t much but it was something. But I wanted more. I grasped his arm and pressed his hand more into me. But he pulled back to his original restrained position. “No.”

I let out a utterly pathetic whine, “I need to cum, please.”

“This is what you get. You can have this or nothing.”

Letting out a groan, “Fine.” He continued his swirling motions barely over my heat. I was so close, every cell blinking with pure unbridled need. I wanted to scream from how much tension was built in my body. I wanted to beg. I’ve never begged for anything in my fucking life. But god did I want to get on my knees and beg right now.

“Please I’m so close.” I whimpered, my desire now dripping down my thigh.

“Yeah?” He asked, “Could you do somethin’ for me darlin?”

“Anything.” I barely got the word out through my accelerated breathing.

“Anything huh?”

I nodded desperately, gripping the sides of my dress, practically vibrating. “Yes- Fuck anything, I’ll do anything. Anything, whatever you want.”

The energy shifted, this time cruel. “Then can you tell me what all that bullshit was about out there? Can you tell me what the fuck this is about?”

My eyes shot open, that was the last thing I expected. I realized that this little game was just a ploy to get my answer. “I-I”

“Nuh uh,” His motions slowed, “I need your words Elsie.” And I was back to just Elsie. It now sounded like the worst possible thing I could ever be called.

My eyes squeezed shut, the borderline painful throbbing in my pussy pleaded me to give in. “If you tell me, I’ll touch you.” He bargained, “That’s all you gotta do, a couple little words and I’ll let you cum. It’s as simple as that.”

My chest dropped, I couldn’t give in. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?” His middle finger giving me slightly more pressure as it slid up and down my covered slit. “C’mon darlin’ give in to me, just tell me. I want to hear it. I want to make you cum.”

I let out the most regretful sigh, “I can’t Aus.”

“Hm.” His hand pulled away, “Guess that’s it huh?”

I ached for his touch back, I wanted to give in so fucking bad. I didn’t want him to leave.

He turned to leave but then returned, rested his hand on the door just above my head and leaned down one last time. His index tracing up my throat and tilting my chin up, “I don’t want you to clean up. I want you to spend the rest of the night in your soaked panties, and every time you feel it, I want you to think of me.” He growled beneath my ear, his voice reverberated through my entire body. It only made the aching in my hips worse. “And I want you to feel it while you’re dancing with your boyfriend.”

He cracked the door open but before leaving he left me with one last thing, “Make sure you wait in here for a while. Wouldn’t want your boyfriend to see you come out of a room with me, looking like that.”

Just like that he was gone, leaving me like this, flustered and bright red. I was throbbing and wet and desperate. I felt so fucking pathetic like I had just lost an easy game.

Suddenly I heard a roar in the party, I finally peak out to a unanimous, “Happy New Year!”

In the center of the party was Austin curled around Aspen locked in a New Year’s kiss. It stung. It stung as if a bee the size of Mount Everest just speared its stinger straight through my heart.

Why did it hurt so much. And why couldn’t I fucking say it.

Next Chapter -> 26 - New Years Pt. 2 [coming soon]

forever winter spotify playlist ❄️

Thank you for every like, reblog or comment, it means the world to me truly. I love hearing your thoughts and I'm glad you're liking my little story 💗

tagging: @cryingabtab @julie181 @navsblog @michellelv @purejasmine @denised916 @centaine @golden-kiwis 💖

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burninlovebutler · 1 year

Text

31 - Mr. Percocet // Forever Winter Series

pairing: austin butler x fem!oc(s) // word count: 3k

summary: austin's addiction becomes too much for aspen to handle on her own. when austin disappears, aspen realizes she needs help from someone who knows him better than even himself.

warnings/notes: drug use, addiction, shitty/angry austin, auditory hallucinations, 18+

see masterlist for chapter log + all other fics💫 | ao3

vibes -> fw playlist❄️

I barely recognize you when you wake up in the morning Must be someone else's eyes that I look into every night

You're only kind when you're all fucked up You're only mine till your high is gone

But I wish you'd still love me when your drugs wear off in the morning

-ASPEN-

Nox finally left and we were stocked up on all of our party favors. I didn’t expect for Austin to put me on the spot like that, so I just chose the ones we’d been taking. I trailed a fingertip along the granite countertop then tapping it a couple times, “So… what’s this ‘deal’ you and Nox have going?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“It’s none of your business.” Austin replied bluntly, filtering through the stash. I knitted my brows at his tone, then observing his stiff body language – sharp, broad shoulders and angular, clenched jawline. In the short amount of time I had known him, I’d never seen or heard him like that. His voice was usually soft, gentle.

“Okay…” I trailed off, “You feeling alright?”

His jaw somehow clenched even tighter than it was before, and his brows angled downward not even looking at me. “Yeah, I’m fucking fine.” He spat back and cracked open one of the new bottles of Percocets, pouring some into his hand and knocking them back with a swig of his water bottle.

I pressed my lips together into a straight line, “Got it.” I nodded, nervous to press any further. Of course, I’d had men talk to me like that many times before, but it wasn’t something I ever expected from him. Nox must’ve really gotten under his skin.

We went about our day as we had for the past couple weeks, getting high. The only difference was that he barely talked to me, he rarely even looked at me.

That went on for the next few weeks. I even went home a couple times from how unwanted I felt or how much we fought. Each time I was sure it would be the end of our little affair, but he’d always call me the next day and beg for me to come back. And I’d always return because well, he was fun, most of the time – when he was good, when we were high. He made me laugh harder than I thought possible and actually looked at me like a human. He didn’t look right through me like most people did, like most men did. He didn’t look at me like a sex object, he saw me for me. You really get to know someone when you’re on constant benders together and he never shied away from any of my demons, and I didn’t shy away from his.

We were good when we were good, under any other circumstances, in any other life, we’d be perfect for each other.

In another timeline, this would be love.

Then he’d flip like a dime, and I could barely recognize him. Especially in the mornings, god the mornings were the worst – before he got any substance in his body, when he was freshly sober. Or when we ran through our stashes.

Like yesterday when we ran out everything –

A pillow flew past my calf, but I dodged it with a swift hop over. He raked fingers through his overgrown dirty blonde hair, “I know you took them Aspen just fucking tell me.” He growled.

I shook my head, pulling my arms into myself while I watched him stalk towards me, “I didn’t Austin, you know I didn’t. I don’t even like them!” My voice coming out weaker than I would’ve liked.

“So, you’re saying I was the one who finished this whole bottle in 5 days?” Holding up the empty bottle with his brows slanted down emphasizing just how sharp and hollow his features had become.

“Fuck, no – yes, I am. It was you Austin! I didn’t touch them!” I pleaded, hating the way my voice wavered. I didn’t dare correct him on that it had only been 3 days since our last re-up.

His features softened the closer he got to me, but his eyes stayed just as terrifying, “C’mon baby, it’s okay if you took them. Just tell me.” His fingers trailed down the underside of my arms so gently, taking my hands into his. “Okay? It’s okay, I just need them ‘Pen, just tell me where you put them.” His voice so calm, like the eye of a hurricane. It was a serenity wrapped in rumbling rage, just one slip away from destruction.

A burning sensation pooled tears in my exhausted eyes, I swallowed the knot that formed in my throat. Sure, he was a little scary like this, but he never hurt me. It wasn’t the fear that that put tears in my eyes. It was the Austin I could sense below the surface, the one I caught glimpses of – sweet, compassionate, funny, thoughtful, intelligent Austin. And it was the inherent sadness that was laced between each low, the melancholy looming beneath every word. I’d never met someone who hid so much pain behind such a bright smile. I didn’t see it right away, but when I did, I couldn’t unsee it.

I took a deep breath before running my hands up his arms, softly squeezing his biceps and looking into his lackluster blues rimmed with dark purple under eye bags. “Aus it’s okay, I’ll call Nox, and he can bring some more okay?” I felt him tense under my fingertips, as if he was about to erupt again but slumped instead. He nodded defeatedly, “Okay.” Then made his way to his bedroom, falling into bed, pulling the thick duvet over his head to block out the sunlight.

The meetings with Nox became more and more frequent. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something was off like there was some key puzzle piece I was missing. It made me feel like I was 7 years old again, getting kicked out of an all-boys club. Only the secrets weren’t about the best playground hiding spots anymore. It was an itch I couldn’t scratch, a word I couldn’t remember. And the more I asked, the more I prodded the more access I was denied.

As I walked out of the bedroom, wrapped in an oversized towel and dripping wet hair, I could hear him talking to someone. Being my nosy self, I halted at the door to eavesdrop on the conversation.

“Yeah, I know I need to work harder,” He spoke, “I’m really trying.” Then a pause, telling me that he was probably on the phone. “Yeah- Well- I-“ He kept getting interrupted by whoever was on the other side of the line. “Yes, I’m rehearsing the script every day.”

I couldn’t quite remember what job he was working on but it didn’t matter, whoever he was speaking with was being lied to. I was with him almost everyday and I’d never seen that man pick up anything but substances, nonetheless a script.

“Yeah I know, I know.” I could practically hear his eyes rolling, “I got it.” His responses now curt and filled with exhaustion, “Love you too Dad. Say hi to Mom for me. Okay, bye.”

A couple beats after he ended the call, I stepped from the doorway. “Who were ya talking to?”

“My dad, not that that’s any of your concern.” He answered annoyed, clearly in one of his moods.

I took a moment before speaking again, wondering if I should even say anything. Then a vague memory popped into my head, “Didn’t you tell me that-“ I stopped myself before continuing, nervous of how he’d react.

“Tell you what?” His words were sharp and quick, sounding on edge. Much different from his voice on the phone just a bit earlier.

“Nothing, nothing.” I hastily backtracked, I must’ve been too high when he talked to me about his dad. Maybe I was mistaking it for someone else. “I’m gonna get changed.”

He didn’t even acknowledge my statement, his focus on making coffee in the kitchen. I wondered what exactly I was doing there,

Once in fresh PJ’s, I plopped myself onto the edge of the bed Austin normally slept on, the right side. When I went to grab my hairbrush from the nightstand, I spotted something that sent a chill through my bones – his phone.

I replayed the events of the last 15 minutes, between his phone call, our conversation, and me changing in the room, there was no point in which he would’ve been able to come in and drop his phone off. I had been in there the whole time.

My next natural thought path was to mentally check how high I was, maybe it was just me not remembering things or misunderstanding them. But I had surprisingly not taken or smoked anything all day since we slept in so late. I was sober. Completely and utterly sober.

I picked up the oversized iPhone, held it in my hands, then set it down. Took it back, tapping to wake the glass screen, then placed it down again. I picked it up once more, flipping it around in my hands contemplating going through it like some jealous girlfriend.

On one hand, his privacy was important. But, on the other hand, I wasn’t a jealous girlfriend I was a concerned not-girlfriend. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. So, I decided to go against my instincts and unlock his phone – the code being predictable, what I had learned was Elsie’s birthday.

Like a good – faux – jealous girlfriend, I went directly to his texts, expecting to maybe find some texts to Elsie or his parents. But my brows curved at the wall of multiple conversations with unsaved numbers. When I heard some noise from past the bedroom door, I stilled quietly locking the phone and setting it down cautiously.

He never walked into the room and I stole the phone again and unlocked it, clicking on the most recent text thread to a random number.

“What?” I whispered as I scrolled through the one-sided gibberish-filled responses. Each message filled with sentences that made no sense or were flat out lies. Each reply to him read the same – ‘This number has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

“What the fuck?” I exited the thread then clicked another a couple lines down, this one even worse. Some of the words made no sense or were straight up not words, not a coherent sentence in sight. It must’ve been when we were actually really high. “This makes no fucking sense.” My scrolls increased in speed the higher in the thread I got. The color of the bubbles changed from blue to green after various ‘you’ve got the wrong number’ and ‘leave me the fuck alone’ text messages.

Taking my bottom lip between my teeth, I contemplated my options.

Stay silent and observe him.

Directly ask him about it.

Or… well that seemed like the only two.

But if there was something actually wrong, we needed to address it immediately. So, option two it was.

I stood up and walked anxiously to the door, then back again, shaking the nerves from my hands. I took a deep breath before opening the door and slowly coming out. I was prepared to confront him, chest puffed out and everything, but he was gone.

I briefly took a pace around the seemingly empty apartment when at the end of my lap I found the front door wide open. With each oddity I found, it built up a prickling fear in my body. The buzzing dread ran through my bone marrow like coolant, chilling every molecule in my carcass. I didn’t know what I was scared of or why – I had no idea what exactly I was dealing with – but it terrified me nonetheless.

I peeked my head out the open door turning it side to side like I was about to cross a road. He was nowhere to be found and now I had no idea where he was or if his brain was just as scrambled as the messages in his phone.

“Okay.” I said to myself while exhaling and turning around to the kitchen. “Okay Aspen, it’s fine you can handle this.” Talking myself through my pacing over the linoleum floor. I wanted to be this not-girlfriend and handle it myself, but it wasn’t realistic. I’d only known Austin for a couple months, and most of it we were high, I knew virtually nothing real about him.

But I knew who did.

I unlocked his phone and went to his favorites list, knowing the person I needed would be there.

And she was.

She was the only one on the list.

I let out a deep exhale knowing this wasn’t going to be fun and clicked her name. It rang and rang until it hit voicemail. “Augh!” I groaned impatiently, the time seemed to be thinning through some impending hourglass. I called again, this time going directly to voicemail. Again, voicemail, again, voicemail, back to back. “Fuck!”

Then in some stroke of genius I had the idea of calling her number from my phone – and it worked.

“Hello?” Answered a cautious voice from the other end.

“Hi.” I replied nervously, knowing that I was probably the last person she wanted to hear from.

“Aspen?”

“Yeah, um, I-“

“Listen, I don’t need some jealousy spiel-“ She began, rightfully thinking I’d be some ‘you can’t talk to your girl best friend’ girlfriend.

“It’s not that.” I interrupted urgently. “It’s Austin.” I stated quietly, nervously.

There was a pause, “What happened.”

I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding and her recognition was like someone lifted the plug in an overflowing bathtub. Salty water filled my eyes and a quiver took hold of my voice, “Something is wrong.” was all I could manage. “I think I need your help.”

Elsie took a breath, “What happened.” She repeated, sounding frustrated but mostly concerned.

“I-I don’t know – He just, he left and-and,” The tears now flowing and my voice noticeably cracking, “He was just acting strange, and I don’t know where he is Elsie.” I sobbed, “Please, I don’t know what to do.”

I heard a rustle on her end, it was 11 pm and she was probably in bed. “Okay, strange how? – I’m changing and I’ll be on my way.”

“Well, I got out of the shower and I overheard him talking to someone…” I trailed off, steadying my breathing.

“Okay, who Aspen? C’mon I’m gonna need you to get it together.” She snapped hurriedly. It was clear she was just as, if not more, rattled by the situation as I was.

“Well, I-I overheard him talking to his Dad but I could’ve sworn he told me-“

“Wait, wait his dad?” She interjected immediately, “Are you sure that’s what you heard? You heard him say Dad?” Her demeanor significantly more urgent than before.

“Yes-Yes, I heard him clear as day. He said, ‘I love you Dad, say hi to Mom for me’.” Trying to emphasize the validity of my concern.

“Fuck,” She sighed, the locking click of her door loud in the background. “Okay, um, meet me in the city, I think I know where he is.”

When I arrived to the location Elsie had dropped me, I stood in front of a random diner named Harry’s Diner. My arms were wrapped around my frail body freezing from the rain that was pouring down over me the entire way there. I stood under the awning looking for Elsie when I saw her through the diner window, already inside talking to a waitress. From her body language I could tell it wasn’t good news. She noticed me and made her way over, the door dinged a bell when she pushed it open.

“He’s not in there.” She sighed defeated, “The waitress said that he was, but he left.”

“Fuck,” I let out, “Why would he come here? It’s just a random restaurant-”

“It’s not.” She cut me off sternly. “It doesn’t matter, that’s not important right now.” Waving off the details, “He just always ends up here.”

“Okay.” I shivered not wanting to push further. “Well, where the fuck else would he be?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed, bringing a hand to run through her wavy locks. The stress in the air between us was practically tangible.

Suddenly, I heard some rustling from behind us. “Do you hear that?” I whispered.

Elsie perked out her ear silently searching for the noise I was hearing, “Yeah I do.” Then the noise began to sound like whimpering, sobbing. “I think it’s coming from the alley.” Nudging her shoulder in the direction of it.

I nodded a silent agreement to quietly and cautiously walk over to check. In New York at midnight, an odd noise could be anything. Once we peeked past the wall, it was Austin, drenched in freezing rain, curled around himself pacing back and forth. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Elsie squeeze her eyes shut like she was preparing for the worst. It was evidently that she’d seen this before, he’d been here before. They’ve been here before.

We stepped towards him careful not to spook him off. “Austin.” Elsie whispered softly, catching his attention.

He looked up apprehensively, like a scared alley cat. Once he recognized her, he immediately went to her.

He went to her.

There was no hesitation, no second thought as he landed into her, sobbing into her shoulder.

She held him tight, rubbing his back quickly to warm him up. He was only in a plain white t-shirt and some sweatpants, exactly what he was wearing at home. He was shivering, teeth chattering, and his soaked clothes stuck to him like glue. His skin was so cold and pale, he was nearly purple and blue.

There was pain in both their bodies, I could feel it. Almost like they were feeling the same hurt together.

I knew from the beginning that there was something between them, but until now I didn’t realize just how special it was. I called it from the beginning. I knew it the moment I saw the way she looked at him, the way he looked at her. If I could see it this vividly, why couldn’t they?

I told Austin from the start that I’m just the lesson girl, the fun girl, the one you date before you settle down with the ‘bring-home-to-mom girl’, and I was right. I was looking right at her.

Sorry this update is so late 😅 i hope you enjoyed this one 👀 i know the past couple chapters have been a lot of build up, so i'm very excited to enter this new era of this series, big things to come 💗 Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me through these many chapters, I appreciate your patience for my love for writing slow burn & plot development LOL

Thank you for every like, reblog or comment, it means the world to me truly. I love hearing your thoughts and I'm glad you're liking my little story 💗

(if you'd like to be added pls comment 💗)

#austin butler fanfic #austin butler x oc #austin butler fic #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler x fem!oc #austin butler #austin butler imagine #austin butler series #austin butler angst #austin butler sad #forever winter series #austin x elsie<3 #austin x aspen #Spotify

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burninlovebutler · 2 years

Text

Masterlist🦋💫

~🚧i know this is messy rn pls ignore it is under construction 🚧~

-> Welcome to my Blog Introduction

ao3 - BurninLove

Wattpad - FaultInMyCodes

-> Worship (Secret Santa)* - Possessive-Obsessive!Austin x Fem!Reader

-> Candy Hearts ♡ (vday)* - Sub!Austin x DomFem!Reader

-> Camp Counselors - Pt. 1 + Pt. 2 - Austin x Fem!reader

-> Talkshow Host!Austin Headcanons

Bikeriders Asshole!Austin x Makeup Artist!Reader

-> Pt. 1 *

-> Pt. 2*

-> Pt. 3*

-> Pt. 4.1 *

**last updated; 04.30.23**

-> Pt. 4.2 [coming soon]

-> Pt. 5 [coming soon]

Just an Intern Spotify Playlist ⛓️🖤

𝙸 𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚣𝚣𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝙻𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘

Themes: friends to lovers, SLOW burn, ANGST, eventual smut, Austin x fem!oc, midsize oc, sad boi/addict aus, fluffy, semi-AU (indie actor austin)

Summary/Intro: Best friends since college, Austin and Elsie are each other's safety nets. Austin has secrets only Elsie knows, and Elsie has too many closet skeletons for Austin to count.

Austin battles internal demons since the death of his father, which caused a switch to flip that would change him forever. His father’s death happened 4 years ago but it still haunts him – in his mind and in little pills.

Elsie has a weakness for wicked, vile, abusive men. Her boyfriend, Nox, is the latest culprit. And Austin can’t fucking stand him.

Between trying to rescue each other and struggling to save themselves, is there something lying underneath?

18+ as this contains both smut & mature sensitive topics. Please check TWs for each chapter. General overarching warnings at the bottom of this post.

Since this is slow burn-ish so some themes/smut do not show up until later

Chapters containing smut that have * by their name

Forever Winter Spotify Playlist ❄️💞

FW Chapters:

01 - Has He Texted You?

02 - Dependency

03 - The Close Call Clause

04 - Not The First Time

05 - Fix-It Pancakes

06 - Cold Showers

07 - Giving In

08 - Of Course I Do

09 - Thanksgiving Pt. 1

10 - Thanksgiving Pt. 2

11 - Winter Break

12 - Truth or Dare

13 - Dressing Room Games

14 - Hot or Cold? *

15 - No Touching **

16 - When The Night Ends

17 - Do Not Disturb

18 - Nothing There

19 - Not Even For A Second

20 - I Know You’re Lying

21 - Blue M&Ms

22 - Christmas - Pt. 1 - (ft. The Grinch)

23 - Christmas - Pt. 2 - Comeback Special**

24 - Ski Slopes**

25 - New Years Eve (Pt. 1) - Til You Come Back for More*

26 - New Years (Pt. 2) - Say It Again**

27 - The First Close Call

28 - Temporary Fix*

29 - Be My Mistake*

30 - It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)

31 - Mr. Percocet

32 - [TBA - coming soon]

**last updated 05.31.23**

[more chapters to be announced lol]

Author’s Notes:

Each chapter will contain a related song suggestion and matching lyrics. I highly recommend listening to each song as they beautifully mesh with the themes of each individual chapter.

Austin/Elvis yanked me from fanfic retirement so when I started writing FW, I fell in love with the characters & the storyline. I’m posting here so that maybe others can fall in love with them too.

I haven’t written in a while so sorry if it’s a little rusty, especially in the first couple chapters.

This post ended up being really long so sorry if it was a lot, thank you if you made it this far.

I hope you love it, please let me know if you do.

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burninlovebutler · 2 years

Text

28 - Temporary Fix* // Forever Winter Series

pairing: austin x fem!oc | word count: 4k-ish

warnings/notes: you’re going to be mad at me i’m sorry not sorry 😅, substance abuse (weed, pills), riding, p n v (protected), mentions of death/grieving & strip clubs/sex work, arguing, crying, lightly inspired by 'Novacane' by Frank Ocean lol, again… pls don’t hate me 🫣, 18+ ONLY, MDNI

summary: austin uses every distraction at his disposal in an attempt to shove elsie out of his mind. when caught off guard, he takes the opportunity and utilizes it in his favor - regardless of the fall out.

previous chapter -> 27 - The First Close Call

see masterlist for chp log & all other fics ♡

vibes -> forever winter playlist ❄️

I know I'm gonna die in this bed I made And I'm drowning in a dream that I can't escape If I could wake up, I'd hesitate

But it's too late to turn back now Oh God, I tried but I don't know how If I could escape it I'd trade in the blame, you can take it If I doesn't take me first

-AUSTIN-

That New Year’s night I slipped from Elsie’s bed and drunkenly walked home. Elsie’s words rang in my head like church bells,

‘friends don’t do the things we do Aus’

She was right, they don’t.

But we do.

We shouldn’t, but we do.

It had to stop, we had to stop.

I wanted more than I could handle.

We’re friends. We’ve only ever been friends. Through every close call, every almost kiss, almost fuck – friends. That never changed. It was only sex. It was only ever fueled by sex. Nothing more.

My head was too faded and foggy to decipher any philosophical questions about my friendship. It didn’t matter anyway, she had Nox and I had… my deal with Nox.

Fuck

I suppose jacking off above the girl you’re supposed be staying away from didn’t quite fit into that deal.

The reality was that I wasn’t sober yet and Elsie couldn’t find out. New Year’s had to be the last time I see her, at least for now. Until I can get my head on straight. I just needed to get it out of my system. I just needed out of my own brain – and that’s exactly what drugs helped me do. They gave me a temporary escape route. I just needed some time to breathe, and they could help me do that. She didn’t understand that. She didn’t understand that sometimes, they were my friends too.

When life didn’t feel so heavy, so complicated, so confusing, so fucked up, I’d be able to come off of them. I had it under control, this time was different. It was temporary. A temporary fix.

No matter how much my head was haunted with the remnants of Elsie, I needed to forget her, just for now. If New Year’s was going to be our last close call, I had to stay far away from her. I knew if I was around her, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself again. I wasn’t lying when I said it was all or nothing, I just slipped up and gave in. She made me weak.

And I’m sick of being fucking weak.

Weak with her, with my body, with my brain – I was so fucking sick of it.

All this time I was running from my scrambled brain with its funny little hallucinations, while trying to be a normal fucking functioning human being when all I want to do all day is lay in bed and wither away. And of course, running from the about 50 million different rules I broke with Elsie, my best friend, with a boyfriend that now had collateral over my head. I was trying to outrun exactly who I am.

And I’m so sick of running.

It shouldn’t take this much fucking work and energy just to be normal. If this is who I am, why not just let it take the wheel? The answer was right in front of me –

Stop running.

So, I did.

I stopped running.

The only way to get away from Elsie was to ignore her, which is exactly what I did. I hadn’t picked up a single call from her for the past week.

The moment I got home and sobered up from my New Years hangover, I had Aspen at my apartment. Never would I have thought I’d be grateful to Nox for anything, but I was for her.

She was the perfect distraction, pretty, fun, available, reliable, tangible. Easy – not easy in the stereotypical misogynistic sense of being easily accessible to sex, but in the sense of being able to breathe. Exactly what I was looking for.

A temporary distraction.

A temporary fix.

She slept over that day and pretty much every day since.

Now, she was in my lap, her hips rolling into me while she bounced on morning wood. My hands trailed up her bare boney hips and squeezing her waist letting out a groan. It felt so good to actually be able to touch her, fuck her, hold her. Everything I couldn’t do with Elsie.

Though my body didn’t scream for Aspen the way it did for Elsie, being with her was so stress-free that it almost made up for it.

She slid up and down on my throbbing cock, then firmly planted deep in her core when she began to carousel her hips. She had a quite successful technique – ride, swivel, ride, roll, ride. Keeping her circular motions with me rooted inside, she leaned down to meet my lips. Her cherry flavored gloss coated my lips and asked for entrance which I easily obliged. Our tongues danced with each other, the mutual taste of weed mingling while she kept a burning blunt plucked between two fingers. She finally pulled away and put the brown roll to my lips as she continued sheathing herself over my pulsing cock. “Suck.” She smiled and I obeyed, hallowing my cheeks to inhale a heavy hit, the end sizzling red as I did so, then blowing it out above us in a swirling cloud.

She stole the finished blunt back and snubbed it out into the ashtray on my bedside table then returned to interlock her lips with mine. My hands traced up her toned sides and finding her lace covered breasts, cupping them. I kneaded the masses that filled my palms completely and grazed my thumbs over her perked nipples, earning me a whimper into our interlocked lips. “Aus I’m close.” She whispered then rode me faster, frenzied like she’d hadn’t been touch starved for years – even though we had stayed up all night with my cock buried inside her.

I let out grumble being dangerously close to my own climax, “Me too, come for me, will you? I want you to fucking come on my cock.” I growled.

She gave an obedient nod and leaned backwards, arching her back away from me and propped herself up by an arm behind her. Her free hand found her clit and used her fingers to help her reach her finish line. As she ascended on my length, she tightened her walls around me helping me with my own demise. “Fuck Austin I’m-“ Suddenly she erupted in sobs, her movements on my length sloppy and quick.

The moment I felt her pulsing around me I was a goner, my cock twitched inside her and spilled what felt like every ounce of cum inside me into the condom. Her juices flowing down past my base and her continued clenching threw me into a blinding overstimulated buzz. “Fuck.” I squeezed her hips hard, she replied in a mischievous and victorious giggle knowing exactly what she was doing. Finally dismounting from me with a pop and fell next to me, our heavy breathing matching time.

I brought my arm to cover my eyes, “Fuck you’re good at that.”

She let out another proud giggle, “Thank you.”

I pulled the condom from my member, tying it into a knot and tossing it into the trash can then returned. Her arm curled into mine, causing me to go ridged from her touch.

Yet I gave in, even cuddling into her. Again, it was nice to actually be able to feel her.

“You’re pretty fun,” She smiled up at me from where she rested on my arm.

I chucked, “You too.”

“You wanna smoke?” She asked playfully, as if we hadn’t just finished a thick blunt.

“I thought you’d never ask.” My free arm went blindly through my bedside table knocking over some pill bottles in the process, to find another half smoked blunt from last night in the ashtray. With a swift flip of a lighter wheel, it ignited a flame that singed the end of the roll. A thick inhale filled my lungs with smoke then let it out in a curling cloud.

“You make smoking look so hot.” She teased before stealing the roll, mimicking my actions. I rolled my eyes and took the blunt back, inhaling another hit.

“Can I tell you somethin’?” Aspen looked up at me serious.

“Hm?”

“I’m not joking when I say,” She took an overly dramatic pause, “That I think you’re the best dick I’ve ever had.”

I erupted into laughter, the weed clearly kicking in already, “What an honor.”

She gave me a gentle elbow, “I’m serious! I think I’m dickmatized.”

“Dickmatized?” Prompting even more laughs, “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“You know!” Smacking my arm playfully, “When dick is so good you’re like hypnotized.”

“That’s a thing?” Scrunching my brows down at her, it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard. “Well, thank you? I’m glad you think I’m good enough to cause… that?”

“Yeah, it’s a thing! Why do you think so many girls stay with guys no matter how bad they treat them?”

No matter how they treat them – it made me question the pride I had with Elsie. Maybe she was hypnotized by Nox in that way too, maybe that’s why she stayed with him. Even though she’d expressed the opposite, it didn’t stop the insecurity I felt. It was the only explanation, right? Why else would she stay with him if there wasn’t some missing piece I wasn’t seeing.

“Oh, so you’re only in this for my dick huh? I suppose I am pretty shitty.” Then taking another deep inhale of green.

She gasped, “No! Of course not! I think you’re pretty cool – though I guess I am in it for the dick right now. I don’t really know you.” She didn’t sound sad or angry, simply stating it as a fact.

“I know I’m teasing.” Taking the brown wrapped roll to her swollen lips. She sucked in a hit, her hazelnut eyes stayed on mine as she did so.

I pulled it away bringing it and mimicking her actions. “You gotta stop lookin’ at me like that or you’ll start me up all over again.” Then letting the thick smoke cloud above us.

“And would that be so bad?” She teased with a curled smirk.

“Yes! We have to get out of bed sometime today.” Gesturing to the mess of the bed then the bright open window. “Plus, I don’t know if my dick can take anymore, I think you’d drained every drop of cum out of me.”

“I think you’re wrong, I don’t think we have to leave the bed.” Then giving me a matter of fact look.

“Oh no? And if we’re not fucking then what do you propose we do?”

“Well… Like I said I don’t know much about you? You could tell me stuff?” And curled around my arm more.

We had already talked about how neither of us are looking for anything serious, but her actions weren’t reflecting that right now. None the less, I was curious about her too. “Alright, shoot.”

The blunt held tight between her pointer and index, pondering with a tugged bottom lip, “Hmm…. Do you have any siblings?”

“Nope, you?”

“Yeah, a sister.” She replied, her eyes dimming slightly. “Hm… okay. Did you go to school?” She asked.

“Yeah, I graduated two years ago. Business Law.” Answering visibly degusted by it, “You?”

“Well actually I’m still in school! I wanna be a dentist really bad.” Flashing a big smile obviously proud of it. I would’ve never expected that from her.

“Oh wow, a dentist? I would’ve never guessed that from you.”

“Why ‘cause I work at a club?” I was evidently not the first one to have that reaction.

“No… well,” The high making it even harder to lie, “Well yeah, I guess.”

She shrugged seemingly unaffected, “It’s okay, I get that a lot. I only work there to help pay for school.”

“Ah, makes sense. You’re certainly hot enough to make bank.” Taking back the brown roll, inhaling a hefty puff then coughing it out, “How did you get into that anyway?”

Her demeanor shifted slightly, eyes and shoulder dropping, “Well, my sister used to work there, so she helped me get a job there when I was 16.”

“Sixteen?” Jarred by the detail, disgusting me, “Jesus fucking Christ why would she do that?”

Her shoulders peaked into a shrug, “Money, I guess. She was never the smartest cookie in the jar.”

“Was?” I regretting the question immediately.

“Oh, yeah she passed away a couple years ago.” Voice noticeably faltered, masking her pain.

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry ‘Pen.” My hand dipped to meet hers between us, sliding between her fingers. I bit down on my lip contemplating whether I should open up or not. “I uh- Well my dad passed away a couple years ago. So, I get it. It’s hard.”

“I’m sorry Aus.” Her brown eyes glimmered up at me with a mutual sadness that only people who’ve grieved could share.

I nodded acknowledging her sympathy. A couple silent moments passed before I cleared my throat, “Well, I think it’s my turn?”

“Sure, shoot.” Straightening up her posture next to me.

I hummed around the question that I was genuinely curious about, “How do you know Nox?”

She chuckled a little, “At the club obviously, he’s there a lot.”

“At the strip club?” I clarified before reacting further.

“Yeah, truthfully, I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. None the less one so pretty.” A sort of devious smile tugged at her lips, indicating that she might play for both teams. “He never really participates though, just flirts. So, I guess that makes sense.”

My brows scrunched at her, “So he just sits there?”

“Yeah kinda, I guess? He hangs out with the managers.”

“Managers?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe he’s a shareholder or something?”

“Interesting…” I pondered the answer, though the high was getting the best of my ability to fully comprehend. “And how did he convince you to go out with me?” Questioning with a sly smile taking a puff of the diminishing roll.

Her cheeks peaked with a light shade of pink, “Well, I don’t know, it just came up one day that I needed a fuck buddy that wasn’t an asshole and he said he knew an eligible bachelor.” Making her voice overly proper at the end.

“Hm,” I handed over the blunt that was tucked between my index and middle fingers, “Well I hope I was a good consolation prize.”

She laughed, “Yeah I’d say you’re a pretty good prize… How about you? How did he get you to go out with me?”

My eyes rounded at the question. I couldn’t tell her the truth – that she was just a byproduct of a scheme. That she was just my mule for my fixes and the sex was an added bonus – a much needed distraction. “Pretty much same.” I lied, a shrug pulling my shoulders up.

Suddenly there was an abrupt knock at the door.

“Oh shit, do you mind getting that for me? It’s probably just Amazon or something.” I asked since she was wearing more clothes, even if it was just underwear, it was more than my complete nudity.

“Sure.” She smiled and slipped on one of my long sleeve button downs over her arms, not bothering to close the front. The white shirt hung baggy off her shoulders, landing upper midthigh.

I began scrolling on my phone while she went to answer the door. Then I heard an exchange and Aspen beginning to talk to someone who seemed to push through when I heard her exclaim, “Hey!”. I sat up suddenly on alert thinking that someone was trying to break in.

“Austin?” Called a familiar but newly annoyed voice.

Elsie

Fuck

I scrambled to pull covers up to my neck in an attempt to hide any evidence. Aspen raced through the open room before Elsie with an apologetic expression that exuded ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stop her’. The brunette stomped in just behind her.

“Hey Els,” Bringing my hand to the back of my neck in a scratch.

“Austin.” She stated shortly then taking a small sniff of the air, “Were you smoking?”

I ignored the question, anyone with a nose could tell we’d been smoking. “You know it’s kinda rude to just stop by without notice.”

“Oh, that’s rich, from someone who showed up at my apartment in the middle of the night.” She retorted and crossed her arms over her chest.

Aspen just twirled her long hair shyly behind Elsie, her eyes down not looking at me. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking but I knew it wasn’t good. I knew I’d have to deal with it later but my concern right then was Elsie.

I let out a sigh, “What do you want Elsie? What are you doing here?”

She took in the room fully processing the situation. She lifted a bag stuffed with styrofoam containers, “I brought pancakes from Harry’s, thought we could talk.”

“Elsie.” I groaned slipping gym shorts back over my hips beneath the covers before pulling myself out completely and walking to her. “I appreciate the food, but I do have company over, and this is pretty rude of you.” I knew my words were harsh and that they would slice but that’s exactly what I needed to do. If she was going to just barge into my house unannounced, I needed a sure fire way to get her to leave me alone in the only way I knew how – anger.

Her brows lifted sharply with small tilt of her head. “Oh well I’m fucking sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, whatever-“ Moving her hands in wide circles, “whatever this is.”

“Els-“

“Is this why you haven’t been returning my calls for the past week?” She snapped.

I understood her frustration, I really did. Perhaps on a level she didn’t even recognize since it’s exactly how I feel with Nox. But just as I had no right to be jealous over Nox, she had no right to be jealous over Aspen.

“Well, Elsie-“ I began but cut me off when her eyes drifted to the pile of bags on the ground. One was Aspen’s main overnight bag, and the others were filled with uniforms for her club shifts, including some rather tall platforms peeking out.

“How long has she been here Austin?” Her eyes meeting mine once more. The green eyes that normally reminded me of a serene lake now resembled a rampant sea serpent.

“I uh- Well I’m-“ I stuttered but Aspen answered for me.

“I’ve been here since New Year’s.” She spoke up, still in a rather shy quiet tone but a slight competitive edge laid beneath it. As soon as she said New Year’s there was an instinctual survival urge in my chest to run for cover.

Elsie’s face paled followed by ravenous anger, “Oh,” Letting out the most terrifying chuckle wrapped in pure vengeance. “Did he tell you what he did on New Year’s Eve?” She snapped her focus to Aspen, who continued to coil her hair around her finger anxiously.

“Elsie c’mon you know that’s not-” I tried to quickly interject in before she continued.

Her brows lowered and knitted at Aspen, “He didn’t tell you that he all but fucked me on New Year’s Eve?” She had an armed gun filled with bullets with Aspen’s name on them.

She blonde chewed on her bottom lip shyly and looked up her with wide eyes, “I don’t care.” And shrugged wrapping the baggy long-sleeved arms across her body.

Confusion swirled in Elsie’s face, her eyebrows curved in steaming anger, “You don’t care that your boyfriend left you at a party to see me? Or that he came all over me that night…? The night before you slept over?” I’d never heard her so angry before, so vicious.

Fuck

Aspen’s eyes fluttered to the ground for a second, Elsie’s words clearly bothering her. But then her brown eyes met Elsie’s again, “No, I don’t care. He’s not my boyfriend.” She unexpectedly stepped closer to the brunette with narrowed eyes and a pointed finger, “And I don’t think he’s yours either.”

This was definitely not how I thought this morning would go – my fuckbuddy and my cheating best friend throwing raw fuming estrogen at each other. Neither one in the right to really be angry at each other, or me.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” I stepped between them when Elsie advanced at Aspen, “Let’s all fucking calm down shall we?”

The two turned to me with crossed arms. I’d never had two girls fight over me before, but it wasn’t as sexy or glamorous as it seems in movies. Though, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t inflate my ego just a bit.

“Am I wrong Austin?” Aspen snapped at me, “We’re just fucking, and Elsie is your best friend – who already has a boyfriend.”

“Well no-“ I began was cut off by the blonde, bringing up something I’d said in a fuzzy strung out daze. “The best friend you told me just last night that she was nothing to worry about? That you said you’d never see as anything other than a best friend?”

Fucking hell

Elsie’s lips immediately down turned, and eyes softened, “Austin.”

“Well I- I mean-“

“Is that true?” Her voice quiet and timid.

This was so fucking confusing. What exactly was I supposed to say?

‘No, actually, I’m fucking confused because I want to fuck you and I want to hold you - not just when we’re drunk and for fucks sake, I don’t know why but I want to fucking kiss you’ ?

When she has a boyfriend?

And why would she even fucking care if I felt that way? She was still with Nox, if she even felt the same, she wouldn’t still be with him. Right?

And what? I was gonna ruin her relationship and our friendship for a maybe? For a fuck? For a kiss that could feel like nothing?

“Not to mention I know your boyfriend.” Aspen interrupted the brief silence, peaked her brows and popped a hip out.

Elsie’s sullen face struggled to unlock from mine and turned her attention to the blonde, her face filling with pink. She was embarrassed, nervous, scared. “What?” Her voice dripped in a shudder.

“I know Nox. He was the one that set us up.” She stated as if it was common knowledge.

“What?” She repeated, stumbling back a bit, then refocused back onto me, “Is that true Austin? He set you two up?”

I sighed “Yes.” Nervously scratched my arm, “Nox set us up.”

Elsie ran her tongue over her lips seemingly processing the word as if they were a foreign language. “I-I have to go.” Her eyes low and voice cracking towards the end. She didn’t even look at me before pivoting and b-lined to my front door.

I gave Aspen an annoyed look, dropping my hands at my sides and shook my head at her before chasing after Elsie. I reached the door before she did, pressing against it keeping her locked in.

“Elsie…” I said softly down to her. A sharp jab speared my stomach when I noticed her bottom lip quivering and light tears rolling down her cheeks. “Elsie I just-”

“Is it true.” She asked sternly, brows knitted together focusing on my chest while her fingers curled into the plastic bag she held. She was trying so hard to stay still, but the crinkling plastic gave away her trembling.

“Yes Nox set us up-“

“The other thing.” Her teary eyes squeezed shut as if she was preparing for impact.

The truth still stood, she was with Nox. She had a boyfriend. We’d already crossed some fucked up cheating line with what we did and there was no reason for me to confuse her further. Especially with the shit Nox had over me, it was too much of a risk.

This was it. This was the deal I agreed to.

I looked up at the ceiling taking a moment before I spoke. “Yes.” Letting out a breath before looking down at her.

The redness in her cheeks and the waterfall tears noticeably worsened. “Yes what Austin.” The attempt at harsh words cracking between each syllable.

“I-I, I don’t-”

I didn’t want to say it. The words burned like rancid bile in my mouth. I shut my eyes and tried to remember that this was what agreed to at Christmas, in her kitchen, with her boyfriend pinning me against a counter. I was in too deep to turn back now.

“You’re my best friend Elsie.” I exhaled a deep sigh, “Nothing more.”

There was a still moment, a pause. She didn’t respond or react to what I said. Guilt spread through my body like the plague, but I didn’t quite know why. It felt like apologizing for something I didn’t do. I knew it was the truth, she knew it was the truth. So, why did it feel like I just said the most horrendous shit to her?

Suddenly, the bag full of breakfast was shoved into my chest, crushing both the Styrofoam and the pancakes inside. “Els-” She threw the door open, using it to push me away propelling me into the dining table behind me. I struggled to steady myself before finally making it out the door, but it was too late. She was gone.

Next Chapter -> Be My Mistake*

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