#autisitc reader

[queentheweeb]

Katsuki Bakugo X Shy Autistic Male Reader

A/N: I am dedicating this month to autistic readers and women-identifying readers as well courtesy of women's history month and autism awareness month as well. Most will be drabbles so between 1k and 1.3k words

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You had a habit of fixating on things. Whenever something caught your interest you needed to know every single thing about it. A lot of people found this annoying about you but, you didn't care. Who wouldn't want to know everything about a subject if it interests them, right? There is nothing wrong with spending hours sometimes well into the night googling and reading articles, journal entries, excerpts, and other things as well about it. You would go to the first person who would listen to you and, that was normally your mama. Sometimes though she was too busy or too tired to listen to you even though you would keep going until she yelled at you to stop. It didn't hurt your feelings too bad because she promised to listen to you another time and promises were everything, they were someone's word. Right now though? Your fixation was Katsuki Bakugo. You would observe him and everything that he did. The color of his hair when it shined in the light, when it was the 100-watt bulbs in the common room, sunlight, bathroom light. The way his skin glistened the angrier he got and the more he moved and used his quirk. The shade of red his eyes turned depending on his mood or the outside weather, even who he was talking to. He was a whole puzzle, more like a 5,000-piece puzzle and you loved to do puzzles. The only problem is that you cannot find it in you to interact with the 5,000-piece puzzle.

"Hey Y/N?" You turned jumping a little not hearing or even seeing Izuku walk up to you. You liked Izuku a lot. He was the first one you told that you were autistic and he still treated you the same but with more understanding. He had patience explaining things to you that you didn't understand as well. Also, he would let you hold onto his 100% cotton burgundy t-shirt that smelled like citrus. "I didn't mean to scare you but, I got some more stuff you can write down in your notebook if you want?" Oh yeah, you told him about your infatuation with Katsuki and he was more than willing to help. The whole 'Dekusquad' actually agreed to help at your pace though because they didn't want to rush you or overwhelm you.

"Thank you Izuku, let me just get my blue notebook with my pen." You pulled out a blue composition notebook that you kept for strictly Katsuki. You would think you would have a red or orange or even a green since those were his colors but, you wanted something simplistic and in your favorite color. He was your favorite person besides Izuku anyway. 

"I know you have a lot about him but, there is no such thing as too much right?" You nodded your head in agreement looking down at his hero analysis book. He had a lot of them chock full of details, especially of his classmates and you thought he was pretty cool. It was nice to have someone who didn't mind listening to your rambling on and on about a topic and never getting bored. He even showed the same interest and you listened to him as well. 

"Do you think he hates me?" You didn't think he did, it was no harm in asking. You had a habit of not 'reading the room' whatever that meant and jumping to conclusions, assuming really the worst. Izuku gave you a look as if you said something wrong.

"What makes you think he hates you? Trust me on this Y/N, Kacchan does not hate you. It's the opposite actually but, that's something you're going to have to find out for yourself. You will find it soon enough. You can even ask him." You did not want to directly ask him. Every time you had a conversation with him you felt that you were not getting anywhere talking to him. However, you managed to catch his interest in cooking and gave him different spicy recipes and regular recipes he can cook. He even cooked some of them already and would come to you for suggestions as well as tips for your quirk. Since you had a magnesium quirk he suggested the best non-flammable items and where to get them at. That was the basis of your friendship but, you did not want a friendship. You wanted to hold his hand and smell his hoodies and t-shirts. Give him cheek kisses too if he wants but holding hands and spending time with him is good enough for you too. 

"Do you think I am overthinking it? Should I just ask him? How would I ask him?" He was always with Ejirou, Hanta, Mina, and Denki. He never really got time to himself except for when he was going to bed. He hated being disturbed because he got up at 4:45 AM. You knew this because you were up at that time going to bed at 9 PM unless you were researching a specific topic or doing homework that you couldn't finish during the day.

"I think you can ask him at night right before 8:30. He would not mind if it is you knocking on his door." You weren't sure what he meant but, that must be a good thing. That means he would not mind you interrupting his sleep. He has to like you in some shape or form. 

"Thank you Izuku." You grabbed his notebook to write down anything new while listening to the buzz of the deku-squad talking around you. You looked up one time to look around spotting Katsuki looking at you already so you attempted a smile. He seemed to freeze before giving you a small one back. Just as quickly as it appeared it was gone. You filed that away of things you liked about Katsuki for later. The rest of the day went by fast with you mostly in your head and Aizawa as well as your friends coaxing you out of your head. It was very nice and sweet of them to do that for you. It was finally night time and everyone was in the common room watching TV when at 8:05 Katsuki announced he was going to bed. You waited another 5 minutes before waving goodnight to your friends and heading upstairs to the dorm. You weren't going to yours, you were going to Katsuki's. You made it to his dorm and before losing your nerve like you always did you knocked three times lightly. You danced on your feet a bit nervously until the door swung open.

"Didn't I fucking say-" He stopped mid-sentence when he saw it was you and you completely froze up. Everything you were going to say just went out the window and now your mind was blank. You couldn't even get out what you wanted to say. 

"I-uh, umm, I just-I don't-Uh." You were stuttering and beginning to panic too. This was not how it was supposed to be. You looked up at the feel of a hand on your head and playing with your hair. You looked at Katsuki who was smiling softly at you. 

"Take your time I'm in no rush." He was being very nice to you and his voice and hand were helping to calm you down. Finally, you were able to formulate words. 

"You're very pretty, um, you're very nice to me too, uh, I was wondering if, I can hold hands? No, uh, yeah I want to hold hands with you, kiss your cheeks, and cuddle. That's what people who want to be more than friends do right?" It was silent and you thought you said the wrong thing until Katsuki pulled you in for a light hug. You were confused but, tried to hug him back even though it felt weird, right? 

"We can do all of that at your pace, yeah?" He meant it! He wanted to do those things with you! He really did! You looked at him giving him a crooked smile. 

"Yeah! Thank you Katsuki." You closed your eyes leaning against him a bit as he guided you inside to talk. Izuku was right.

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What do you guys think?

[bluthatesfabrikk]

Good Omens helps me

This is a bit bold of me to formulate this on that way, ‘cause that’d say that I depend on fictional characters but it’s not - though the purpose of this post is to point out that books and, here, mini-series can help people on some levels.

Reading has always been part of my growing-up. I started to binge-reading at the age of 9, per se 20 years ago. Lots of books developed and encouraged me to develop my imagination and to create my own stories (I’m glad that, on this day, I have a novel and a short-story that are written and I’m on the process to prepare another novel to start writing it for NaNoWriMo in November).

Though, it took time before I could identify to some characters.

I certainly identified to Mulan when I was a child, as I never could relate to any Disney princess before and after the release of Mulan (don’t talk to me about Mulan 2 that I found in total opposition to the first). I also started my journey as reader with the wonderful books of Philip Pullman, with that great character Lyra. I was quite young to understand the whole point here, but re-reading it later only could afford me the whole point of it all.

Some time passed by. Some French books helped me whilst I was in high-school, as the universe and characters depicted conveyed such strong messages I needed at that time and not related to my bullying (La Moïra by Henri Loevenbruck to those curious).

Then I started college, specializing myself in the massive cultural world of the English speaking countries.

I only fell for the adventures of Sherlock Holmes in second year (19 y.o) and binge-read everything I could. The series Sherlock a few years later helped me in some ways, certainly that the character Holmes was depicted more as similar to autisitc persons than in the original stories. Still,I welcomed this character to start to accept myself on an intellectual aspect. I’m far less ashaamed of my abilities on an academic and intellectual aspect than before and that shows. I think that the most recent years of my academic programme, this helped me to free myself and offer better academic papers.

In addition, I’ve been a huge fan of the Harry Potter universe since the age of 11 but I really started to like Snape 2 or 3 years ago. This sulky man is one of the best grey-layered and complex characters of modern fiction. Apart from every bit of debate surrounding this character, I only focused on what he afforded me: a better comprehension and acceptation of my mental illnesses and past mistakes, which shouldn’t define me as a person. I started to forgive myself, something I wasn’t capable of before that. Self-hatred is poisonous and I became less hateful against myself. It’s not completly that still nowadays but I don’t hurt myself anymore.

Finally, my path came across Good Omens and I didn’t think at first it would convey such positivity in my life.

I’ve been grieving several people since four years, I have been facing several failures (I missed my competitive exam, my diploma, and been looking for a job for 8 months). Three years ago, after my grandfather’s death, I made some choices and thought a lot: some toxic people were kicked out of my life and I realized that I am trans. This period has been hard on so many levels I’m surprised I’m still here and have enough strength to continue to heal from the past and all.

My dysphoria is a complete asshole and I have to compose with that every single day of my life (I’m only out to some close friends, so in regard to society, parents, family and work, I’m still female). Some days are rougher than others. Even though I was half-joking about my situation, saying that my deadname and assigned gender are my secret agent identity (you know, I’m a spy for Her Majesty, the Queen - I’m a teaboo, sorry); still that wasn’t helpful at all.

Then I watched Good Omens, and I immediately bought the book that I read quite quickly.

Crowley is an interesting character to me, as I can identify a bit, on his recklessness, type of humour and anxiety levels he reaches thoughout the story. But, most importantly, the series conveys such diversity that it is warming my heart. Crowley’s different representations as female, femme, not giving a damn credit to gender help me to accept my own identity. As I forced myself to appear female as a child, teen and later as an adult; apart from the fact I was distressed this whole time, let some mannerism and mechanisms to appear in public. I may sit like a woman, dress like a woman, talk like a woman (or so society thinks it is); but I also sit like a man, dress manly, talk like a man (and so on and so forth) - I just... deal with that, and start to accept that I don’t necessarily need to “pass”, that I don’t need to look like a perfect little man like society thinks about how men should be. And that shows. That shows that a book and a series can convey for people. Good Omens is the one reference to help me dealing with my transidentity. I would never be enough thankful to all (writers, actors, the fanbase who is feeding this unverse for my pleasure), because this is literature which helps me the best to accept myself, be tolerant, be more gentle to myself.

This book and series came to the point when I was facing stressfull situations: the pending renewing of my contract to where I’m working, the loss of a long-life friend (on a presence level, not a mortal one), the searching of a flat, the loss of one of my cats who was a dearest companion and a remarkable animal this past April.

Good Omens is helping me facing all of this, as the ending promises that even in the darkest times, there is some light, and that light deep in my heart has the right to bright.