#aziraphale NEVER actually witnessed that part

[densewentz]

do i think crowley has been filling the bookshop with fire extinguishers as a way to sooth what is probably a wild case of celestial ptsd in regards to the trauma of running into the burning bookshop and thinking his husband best friend had been killed in season 1? yes i do

[vidavalor]

Thank you so much for all your wonderful metas - I enjoy them a great deal. I hope I am not going over old ground here, but I have just finished your defence of Aziraphale's choice (which I agree with 100%) and it has prompted me to ask your opinion of the following:

Having witnessed the Metatron impose upon Aziraphale's good will and impeccable manners and endless sense of obligation with a sodding coffee, WHY did Crowley allow the angel to leave with this wily, manipulative being?

Now, admittedly, Crowley did get to his feet and follow them briefly (after being on the receiving end of that terrifyingly pointed glare from the Metatron) but is immediately distracted by Muriel and thoughts of breakfast with Aziraphale.

This is the same demon who is never still. Always wary, always on guard, always patrolling. Yet, after that ridiculous coffee conversation, after Aziraphale looks to him for direction ("Ummm.."), after that glare, he just waves the angel off on his way for a chinwag.

I actually wrote the scene out so that I could "see" it differently, but it did not help me come to any conclusions.

I would LOVE to know what you think.

Sorry. I wittered on a bit there. 😊

Hi @vernajarrett 💕 Thanks for reading & asking! I'm happy to chat about what I think is going on in the moment Crowley acts like a pod person and Derek Jacobi's character gets all that Big Damn Villain Music in the score. I've got the coffee brewing. Oat milk and a dash hefty jigger of almond syrup? 😜

To answer why Crowley is acting so massively weird during the part of 2.06 that you mentioned, we have to start a little before it with the arrival of the last visitor to the bookshop in S2:

a character played by Derek Jacobi:

When the last new character to arrive at the bookshop door in S2 first arrives, we are down to six other characters in the shop. Five of them-- Aziraphale, Muriel, Michael, Uriel and Saraqael-- are angels and the sixth character-- Crowley-- is a demon. Upon the arrival of Derek Jacobi's character, all five of the angels fail to recognize this person. This is a true shock to us because we think we know who this is, right? That's The Metatron.

We know what The Metatron looks like; we've seen his head quite dramatically huge and in our face on several occasions. We feel qualified to say that if Sir Derek Jacobi shows up it must mean that we're looking at The Metatron. What we tend to ignore is... well, everything else that happens here lol... all of which says we are incorrect about this.

First off? All of this is just (entertainingly) weird: The Metatron is a floating head who thinks himself above humanity but he's here now in a body on Whickber Street. He abhors food but he's stopped to get a coffee at the shop and have a chat with Nina. We first spotted him outside by Mrs. Sandwich in line-- is there a more incongruous place you would expect to see The Metatron than that? lol. It makes it very engaging to watch but these are also the first clues to suggest that something really odd is afoot here and when this character goes inside the bookshop, we really get that sense hammered home by the fact that this being we thought we had correctly identified really easily is unrecognizable-- to not one, not two, but five characters on our show, all of whom should instantly know exactly who this person is.

It's at this point that I'll mention that we technically still do not know who plays Satan on Good Omens. The first time he appears, he possesses Crowley by speaking to him using the voice of Freddie Mercury-- so, Satan is being played by a voice actor doing Satan-as-Freddie-Mercury. The second time he appears-- in 1.06-- he there for Adam, who is eleven years old at the time. Satan appears as a gigantic, cartoonish, cliched-red-with-horns-and-hoofs monster, voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch. It is completely at odds with how GO usually does its more horrific and frightening elements. You could argue that Satan appears this way in 1.06 because it's how he would appear to Adam-- to an eleven year old boy. Everyone sees Satan as Adam sees Satan when Satan comes for Adam. A parallel to that would then be the arrival of the character played by Derek Jacobi in 2.06.

Why can't these five angels identify the person who just arrived?

It has to be because they're angels. It's the only thing Aziraphale, Michael, Uriel, Muriel and Saraqael all have in common.

They can't recognize the being at the door because they're angels; meaning: they're not familiars of The Devil.

This is not The Metatron. This is Satan:

You might notice that one of the angels-- Saraqael-- eventually catches on. What they do is another huge clue to who this is. If Saraqael's realization was that this must be The Metatron, they would have spoken up and said that they recognized him, if only to suck up to the boss. But they do not so that is not their realization...

Instead, they don't say a word. They look afraid, look Up, fold their hands together and start to pray. Since this being is obviously one of them and not human-- based on what he said to Michael upon his arrival-- Saraqael has figured out that if they, Michael, Uriel, Muriel and Aziraphale all cannot recognize him, it has to be because this is Satan.

Saraqael doesn't tell anyone else what they've figured out. They just start praying in case it's their number that's up today. The irony of all of this, of course, is that three of these angels who can't recognize the face of evil-- Michael, Uriel and Saraqael-- are honestly pretty garbage people themselves and also that there's not much of a difference in level of evil between The Metatron and Satan. But, technically, Michael, Uriel and Saraqael are angels, just as Muriel and Aziraphale are angels. All it really means in this case, though, is that they've never been thrown to Hell and, because of that fact, they cannot recognize Satan. (It also helps to illustrate how being cast to Hell is political and doesn't really have much to do with whether or not you're a terrible person. It's just who has gotten caught while getting in The Metatron's way.)

Demons can recognize Satan, though. The problem is that they also can be possessed by Satan and influenced into not even knowing he's there... which is what starts happening to Crowley upon the arrival of Satan in the bookshop.

Satan can make Crowley's words sound natural and of Crowley's own volition-- and then make it so that Crowley doesn't even remember saying them. This is why Crowley is acting weird when "The Metatron" is in the same room with him in 2.06.

We've seen something like this a bit when Crowley put Sister Mary in a trance so he and Aziraphale could ask her questions back in S1. Sister Mary really looked like she was in a trance and that's because it wasn't really necessary for either Aziraphale or Crowley to instruct her to act any differently. They were the only other ones around and they weren't manipulating Sister Mary's behavior in an attempt to use her to influence other people-- they were only seeking information from her. How she acted when giving them that information wasn't something they were terribly concerned with because it didn't really matter.

When they had all the information they thought she possessed, Aziraphale brought her out of the trance by telling her that she was now awake and had just had a dream of whatever she liked best. As he and Crowley are walking away, we see Sister Mary seem like she just woke up a bit from actual sleep and she looks calm and refreshed-- like she really did just have a dream of whatever she likes best.

In that moment, Sister Mary is unconcerned with the fact that such a thought is completely incongruous with the fact that she is standing, dressed in work clothes, in the hallway of her workplace. She does not remember the two people who were just there asking her questions or what they asked her. She believes she was dreaming because that is what Aziraphale told her to believe had happened.

The point is that while Sister Mary didn't know she had been influenced like this and could not remember what had happened while she was being influenced, the effects of it remained a little afterwards, as she continued to believe what it was she was told while under the influence. Aziraphale's instructions to her were comparatively pretty innocent-- he told her she had a great dream so she continued to believe that to be true. Satan in 2.06, on the other hand, is not telling Crowley that he just had a dream of whatever he likes best.

Satan possesses Crowley from the start of the scene, accounting for Crowley's quiet and stillness in the early moments of it. He not only tells Crowley to identify him as The Metatron to Aziraphale and the other angels but he makes Crowley believe that he is The Metatron for real. He tells him to make it sound natural when he tells the angels who he is so that they will believe it. That's why Crowley doesn't sound like he's in a trance, the way that Sister Mary did in S1.

I want to throw in here something else, too, that's kind of a foreshadowing/paralleling scene to this as well that comes a couple of episodes prior to this one we're talking about and that is... whatever the fuck exactly was happening to Gabriel in the "tempest" scene.

For the record, I do not believe that it was Satan possessing Gabriel in that scene. I actually think it's some witch-related stuff--I swear the voice speaking with him is Anathema-- but I bring it up even though we don't know what this is totally all about yet because it has some paralleling things that we can already see are relevant.

First off? Where Gabriel is when this happens:

He's sitting in Aziraphale's desk chair. I'm not trying to say the chair itself is spooky (though it is as a result of all of this? lol) so much as I'm saying that both Gabriel and Crowley acting weird and taken over while sitting in Aziraphale's desk chair (which is very much symbolizing Aziraphale) is one of the many things reinforcing that Aziraphale is falling because here are these two characters who parallel him the most-- the two, other most important characters in the show, arguably, and the two also living in the bookshop in S2-- and they're both falling victim to darkness while sitting in his chair.

But what I really want to point out here is what happens to Jim after his possession. Watch Gabriel's eyes at the end here:

There are a few seconds more as well in the show when his eyes resettle on Crowley. Gabriel disappears entirely while he's being possessed. He is speaking words that Crowley can hear and that Crowley recognizes as coming from Gabriel's voice... but when Gabriel blinks back into the room and looks at Crowley, he has no idea what just happened.

He doesn't remember what he just said. He isn't aware of the fact that someone was just possessing him. He feels a little disoriented and anxious-- which is also sort of Jim's default state in S2-- but what we and Crowley witnessed him saying? He has no idea about that. Shax shows up outside the bookshop and causes a distraction that keeps us and Crowley and Gabriel from sorting all of this out until S3 but Gabriel's expressions on the other side of his possession indicate that he has no idea where he just was mentally, what he just said or did, or that someone was in his mind. This is another scene emphasizing this aspect of possession on Good Omens-- no matter who is doing the possessing. The exact same effects of possession is what is happening to Crowley in 2.06.

So, Satan uses Crowley to identify him to the others as The Metatron and makes him believe that he is The Metatron to cover up the fact that he's been in his mind. Crowley has no idea that Satan has been in the bookshop. The moment this becomes clear, though, is the first one you mentioned in your ask, which is when Crowley really confirms for us exactly who Derek Jacobi is playing by doing something so wildly out of character that it's almost impossible to justify without considering the idea that he's being possessed:

encouraging Aziraphale to go somewhere alone with who he believes to be The Metatron.

Next time you're watching this scene-- and GO, in general-- look for where the music stops altogether. There are moments in GO when the score just ceases to exist entirely for a period of time so that we can hear the words that are being said without any distractions. I've found that scenes where this is happening are usually pretty pivotal, either from a wordplay perspective or a plot perspective or, often, both. There is basically no music in the whole scene in which "The Metatron" appears to have arrived at the bookshop.

The score disappears upon "The Metatron's" arrival and it only returns with that big bit of organ-y "DUN DUN DUNNN" villain music right at a pivotal point in the scene you're talking about:

The music comes back at exactly the moment that the camera holds on "The Metatron" as he is staring at Crowley. Why here?

They really, really want you to notice this glare that this person played by Derek Jacobi is leveling at Crowley. We already don't trust this character if he is The Metatron and he's been nothing but a dick since he arrived, really-- he used "demon" to refer to Crowley, he called Muriel "dim" (he can rot for that alone), and he was a total prick to Michael and Uriel. As awful as they are, no one should be spoken to like that. No one-- including most of the audience-- sees this as being extra-villain-y because this is just how The Metatron is so it's expected behavior from who we might think this character is.

So, to show us who this really is, they can't just rely on us noticing that he's in a dark coat and tie (why is he in Hell colors?!) or that he brought along a temptation coffee or that he uses language from Mary Poppins ("spit spot") when speaking to the angels. All those are clues, for sure, but the moment the music comes back is when the show is trying to give us the biggest of the clues to who this really is-- when the scene is structured to show us that he is attacking Crowley.

Because this isn't actually The Metatron glaring at Crowley; it is Satan giving Crowley instructions to stay put.

It's why Crowley doesn't follow them afterwards and continues to believe that The Metatron was who was in the bookshop-- even as Aziraphale has figured out who it really is. Look at Aziraphale's response here and you'll see that this is one of the scenes that suggests he is pretty damn sure this is not The Metatron:

Aziraphale's head whips over to "The Metatron" in response to what Crowley said because he knows what the only explanation for that response out of Crowley is. If you are looking at "The Metatron" while Aziraphale is still turning his head, you can see that he's still staring at Crowley because he was instructing him to tell Aziraphale to go and to not come with them. Satan pastes on a fake as fuck smile when Aziraphale looks at him but it's actually too late-- Aziraphale already knows what's going on. He just doesn't want Satan to know he knows.

Aziraphale knows that there's no way in the universe that Crowley-- who was so worried about danger yesterday that he escorted him to, like, Arnold's Music Shop and Mrs. Cheng's restaurant lol-- would ever just chill in the desk chair while Aziraphale went somewhere alone with The Metatron.

Ever.

The Big Damn Villain Music shows up after "The Metatron"'s fake smile to Aziraphale. It is in the exact moment that he looks at Crowley again and finishes the instructions he was giving before Aziraphale turned his head. It's because this is one of the biggest clues to this character's identity-- who can do this to Crowley? Satan.

Based on the scenes that follow, Satan here is telling Crowley something like:

You will not follow us. He will be back soon. Everything is fine. I was never here; I am The Metatron. Aziraphale is not in any danger. Stay where you are.

This scene-- the one highlighted by the music-- where Satan is silently giving Crowley directions is the one most like the time we see Satan possess Crowley in 1.01. It has a similar effect for a moment, which is probably why the music kicks in here as it's the best way to remind the audience of who can do this to Crowley and how.

In that 1.01 moment, there was no one else around and Satan was not possessing Crowley for the purposes of having him speak to influence someone else's behavior. Since he did not need Crowley to speak in the scene, Crowley does not. He is silent and still while Satan speaks in his mind and gives him instructions. We see that Satan can take such full control over Crowley that Crowley is trapped within himself. He can't speak, he can't scream, he can't move-- so, he can't drive the car and his connection to the car is shattered to a point that The Bentley is almost in a head-on collision with a truck. This is our introduction to the level of possession that Satan has over him-- all contrasted with the fact that Crowley is supposed to be on a date with Aziraphale in the sushi restaurant. This is all coming back around in 2.06.

Its return is also foreshadowed by this Shax bit during the bookshop attack... Crowley missing when he's supposed to be safe with Aziraphale and Aziraphale worried that Satan has Crowley because the demons are circling and Shax... who exists to get inside people's heads a bit... as if echoing Aziraphale's thoughts, says:

Shall we send up the sushi?

After all... do we really think that a season that spent all that time on whether or not actual demons (representing a person's inner demons) were going to be able to get into the bookshop (symbolically, Aziraphale, and Crowley & Aziraphale) is going to let those demons into the bookshop and then just... decide Satan is on vacation for the week? Or do we think that it's not coincidental that the offer Aziraphale is presented with also happens to be the one thing in the entire Universe that could ever tempt him to Hell?

Hmm... 😉

Anyway, back for a moment to the scene in 2.06 when Satan influences Crowley into staying behind and telling Aziraphale to go with "The Metatron"... The undersung thing in this scene, imho, is Aziraphale's reaction.

If Aziraphale really believed this to be The Metatron with 100% certainty, he could have responded to what Satan just made Crowley say by pressing this idea of them going for "The Metatron's" proposed stroll. He could have said aloud to Crowley: "why don't you come with us?" or he could have told The Metatron that he didn't want to go for a walk and why didn't they just sit here in the bookshop instead and anything The Metatron wanted to say to him, he could say to him and Crowley together? If Aziraphale really completely believed that this was The Metatron, he could have-- and would have-- tried either of those things or something like them in response to what Satan made Crowley say.

Instead, what does Aziraphale do?

He *immediately* starts for the bookshop door. Why?

Because he knows that Crowley is not speaking of his own free will and that the person he identified as The Metatron is, in all likelihood, actually Satan. Aziraphale immediately starts for the door because Satan will have to follow him out, since he was the one who proposed this stroll. Aziraphale abandons the idea of Crowley coming with them when he sees that Crowley is being harmed. Instead, he goes alone with Satan, immediately luring him out of the shop so as to get him away from Crowley.

He leaves the bookshop with Satan to protect Crowley. It also foreshadows the fact that he's going to fall over a temptation that is related to Crowley's safety.

Look at how Aziraphale looks back to make sure that Satan is following him and quickly... how nervous and shaky he looks. He would be nervous if this were The Metatron, sure, yes, absolutely. In this moment, though, he's just living one of his worst nightmares-- the bookshop that he built that protects Crowley has been overrun and Crowley has been harmed right there in front of him.

This is their house. It's their living room, where Crowley's lounged for thousands of nights. Crowley is in Aziraphale's own desk chair. This is supposed to be the place where they both feel safe but now there is no safe space so Aziraphale is doing the best he can in the moment by just responding intuitively and protectively by saying with his actions: Get away from him. Follow me. You can have me. Leave him alone.

So, they go out, right? What happens next but the other scene you mentioned in your ask: Crowley and Muriel.

Crowley gets up out of the chair basically the second Satan and Aziraphale are no longer in the shop because Satan's hold on him in that moment is gone and he probably unconsciously needs to move, since Satan was literally not letting him get out of the chair. This is where the weird behavior gets even more weird-- Crowley doesn't follow them. He literally watches from within the shop through the window for a second as Aziraphale leads "The Metatron" over to Marguerite's. Why doesn't he go after them? Because Satan told him to stay in the shop. Just like with Sister Mary believing she had been dreaming, what Crowley has been influenced by Satan into doing lingers with him gone, since he was instructed by Satan to stay in the shop until Aziraphale gets back.

Crowley paces a little circle like a caged tiger, going back further *into* the bookshop-- a totally normal response to his partner going for coffee alone with a murderous psychopath. He mutters to himself:

"They'll be back soon."

WHAT. THE...? How is there anybody who thinks this behavior is normal at this point?

Crowley turns around and Muriel is there. He jumps a bit, having forgotten they were still in the shop. So did the audience, honestly. This may or may not be significant in S3. Muriel being there in the background, blending into the walls during this scene also means that Muriel is now maybe the only character who could actually tell Crowley what happened during the scenes we have been talking about here because he doesn't remember anything involving what he said.

If you were to ask Crowley at any point from the time "The Metatron" and Aziraphale leave the shop on in S2 who identified "The Metatron", he couldn't tell you. If you were to tell him he told Aziraphale to go with "The Metatron", he would not remember doing that. He has as much memory of the words he spoke in the scene with "The Metatron" as Gabriel does of his "there will come a tempest" moment-- which is to say, none.

Crowley knows that Aziraphale has gone with The Metatron and that they will be back soon. He doesn't know how that came to pass and he has been rendered by Satan incapable of leaving the shop or considering the idea that he should follow them.

If the being at the door is Satan and if Aziraphale's fall is where we left the end of 2.06, Aziraphale could lose his memory, at least for a time, which means that the only character who was a reliable witness to Satan influencing Crowley in this scene is Muriel. One purpose of having them in the shop during these moments from a writing standpoint-- as opposed to sending them over to Nina's coffee shop earlier-- might be to set up a character in S3 who can tell Crowley what it was that actually happened here. (Lucky Muriel lol.)

As you pointed out, Crowley starts speaking to Muriel casually, as if nothing is going wrong. He tells Muriel that they should leave the shop, too, and Muriel says:

The Metatron-- really: Satan-- did tell Muriel to wait in the shop but he did so just by pretending to be The Metatron. While there's no possession there with Muriel, Muriel's line to Crowley is also emphasizing what actually just happened to Crowley himself to the audience. "The Metatron" has told them both to wait in the shop-- so, they are waiting in the shop. They're both following directions they've been influenced in different ways to follow. By Muriel saying that they've been told to wait-- even if they were told in a different way than Crowley was-- it suggests that following a directive is also the reason why Crowley himself is still in the shop.

Crowley's response to Muriel, though, makes him sound like he's back to himself-- and, in several ways, he is. He is remaining in the shop because of the influence but he is not currently under an active influence so he can say what it is that he chooses to say. When he's a little sarcastic with Muriel, it sounds like his normal speech because it is. What he doesn't understand is that he's been influenced to do the same thing Muriel has been-- to wait there in the shop-- just against his will, as opposed to Muriel's conscious decision to follow the directive.

Here's where we have to consider Crowley's audience when we talk about what he says next. Crowley likes Muriel; of all the angels not named Aziraphale that he's met, Muriel's definitely top of the list. That said... Muriel is still an angel who is desperate to please The Metatron, as they just proved to him again in this scene by being excited to have been singled out to assist who they believe to be The Metatron. Muriel whole thing is that they're an Inspector Constable; they are literally the (supernatural) police and Crowley wisely doesn't trust the police.

Crowley has no doubt that, after Muriel does leave the shop, that they'd tell The Metatron anything he said. Crowley actually does believe that Aziraphale is in big trouble because he doesn't trust The Metatron-- he's just been rendered incapable of realizing that he's staying in the bookshop because he's been instructed to do so by Satan, who is really the person with Aziraphale in that moment. As a result, Crowley's mind has jumped to a plan for when Aziraphale comes back from coffee with whom Crowley believes is The Metatron.

Crowley has no doubt that Aziraphale will come back because he's been influenced to believe this to be true, which is why he keeps saying "they will be back soon" and "when Aziraphale does come back", instead of being terrified that Aziraphale will not come back at all, which is what he normally would have been if Aziraphale were alone with The Metatron. It is, in this case, going to be true that Aziraphale returns because that is part of Satan's plan and one of the reasons why he influenced Crowley into believing so.

So, anyway, Crowley thinks the big threat is The Metatron potentially erasing Aziraphale into non-existence by deleting him from The Book of Life. This isn't actually a thing, as Crowley told Beez back early on in the season, but Beez, being horrified to realize that they might have been manipulated by something they themselves and Crowley made up ages ago, doubled down out of embarrassment on it being real and led Crowley to believe in its existence as a result. Crowley has spent the season terrified that Aziraphale is going to be made to have never existed. The plan he's cooking up to save Aziraphale from that fate-- which is what he thinks is going on-- is not one he wants to share with the police. It's not one he's going to say aloud in front of Muriel because that might as well be saying it to The Metatron, as far as Crowley is concerned. We won't actually hear Crowley's plan until he delivers it to Aziraphale in coded speech in The Disaster Kiss Scene and by that point, everything is going, um, really, really badly.

(It's the reason why there's no music in that moment so you can literally hear the words echo around the room when Crowley starts in on it and basically shouts the "THIS PLANET" part at Aziraphale but that's straying from the scenes you asked about so *focuses* 😊)

So, Crowley instead says what he'd really, truly, honestly love to be doing for the rest of the morning and he does so in the way that he and Aziraphale do when someone who doesn't speak their language is around and annoying them-- he says it in Ineffable Husbands Speak to amuse himself and, probably, to amuse Aziraphale, whom he plans on telling later. (He'll do this again a few minutes later, when Maggie is ticking him off by saying he and Aziraphale don't talk.)

Crowley says:

Does Crowley want a little Us Time with Aziraphale when he comes back? Does he want to go with him to have an extremely alcoholic breakfast at The Ritz? (Ineffable Husbands Speak for boozy brunch and sex after too long without it?) Yes. Eventually. But he knows there's very dangerous trouble to be dealt with first.

Crowley says that because he wants Muriel to think that he is just preoccupied with thoughts of Aziraphale and breakfast-- because that's what he wants The Metatron to think and he knows Muriel will tell The Metatron what it is that he said.

Crowley wants The Metatron to think he doesn't have a plan.

But, really, when we have known Crowley to not have a plan? 😊

The problem is that it's a plan for the wrong scenario.

It's not The Book of Life that's happening; it's Aziraphale's fall.

It's not The Metatron at the door; it's Satan.

This is almost the entire communication mess of That Disaster Kiss Scene. They're being watched and whatever the fuck happened to Crowley, he can't see that freezing time to speak openly is an option so he and Aziraphale are boxed into trying to each convey what they think is happening and their plans to stop it using their cant vocabulary.

The ironic thing is that while they-- like the audience lol-- have two different ideas of who the being watching them is and what the threat is as a result, they actually both have almost exactly the same plan... with one, key, very romantic difference.

But that's another meta. 😜

In the meantime, I'll just leave you with a reminder of what "The Metatron" said in a moment when Crowley was still in the room:

[aziraphales-library]

Would you happen to know any fanfics where the two of them witness or take part in some kind of significant queer history / queer historic event?

We have the following tags which you'll want to check out: #queer history, #pride parade, and #queer guardian angel aziraphale. Here are some which explore some more general aspects of queer history...

Something New…A Rain Bow by Princip1914 (G)

Inspired by this Neil Gaiman twitter exchange: “So they’re gay, right?” Neil: “They’re an angel and a demon, not male humans.” “Ok, but they love eachother, right? :D” Neil: “Absolutely”

and at least in this lifetime (we're sticking together) by vivelegalite (T)

[GOD, NARRATING] People tend to be torn as to which side could be credited with legalisation of gay marriage across all of the United States of America. Most people consider it an act of Good, which it is of course, and attribute it to Heaven. Some, a much less pleasant lot, argue it to be the work of Hell. They tend to back their claims up with improperly translated lines from a book the Almighty had never actually written or even really bothered to read through — I tend to outsource that kind of work — and speak of God’s will and whatnot. Both groups are, however, mistaken. The legalisation of gay marriage across all of the United States of America was brought about not by Heaven, not by Hell, but by a tragically smitten demon with a rather high alcohol concentration and a plan.

And I mean to go on and on and on and on by yolkinthejump (T)

A wedding of old friends. Aziraphale gets drunk on Gay Love and Crowley absolutely adores him. Par for the course. Thoughts on the muddled history of marriage and the power of love, persevering.

The Questions We Don't Ask by EdnaV (M)

It’s 1989, and Aziraphale has been reprimanded for helping some people that Sandalphon doesn’t like. Crowley tries to take care of him. It’s 1941, it’s 1793, it’s 1020. Crowley and Aziraphale take care of each other throughout history.

The Stylings of Madam Glena by altsernative (T)

It's 1977, eight years after Aziraphale said "You got too fast for me," and Crowley hasn't seen him since. In Aziraphale's absence, Crowley helps set up the Sundown Club, a gay bar in Soho. He tells himself--and downstairs--that it's building a space for "workers of inequity," although he finds comfort in the community. He's settled into a quiet routine of drinking at the bar every week until a beautiful drag queen captures his attention. Crowley feels unexpected things. It's weird. And where is Aziraphale?

A Strong and Silent Pride by sleepyMoritz (M)

By the start of 1982, the disease - previously known as Gay Related Immune Deficiency, or GRID - had a new name. AIDS. This did not stop it from being called the gay plague in the media. This did not stop the rampant homophobia. This did not stop the fear.

- Mod D

[sighed-the-snake]

So, about Furfur's angel book. Remember the part about Baraqiel?

Image text: BARAQIEL. Dominion. Angel of the Sky. Appearance: Hair an eye-burning jinnjer. Eyebrows with the appearance of a grisly slug. Often draped in red. Occashunly damp, most likely singed.

I recently got my hands on a copy of A Dictionary of Angels, Including the Fallen Angels, by Gustav Davidson.

And here is the entry for Baraqiel!

Image Text: Barakiel (Barachiel, Barbiel, Barchiel, Barkiel, Baraqiel, etc. -- "lightning of God") -- one of the 7 archangels, one of the 4 ruling seraphim, angel of the month of February, and prince of the 2nd Heaven as well as of the order of confessors. Barakiel has dominion over lightning and is also one of the chief angels of the 1st and 4th altitudes or chora in the Almadel of Solomon. In addition, he is a ruler of the planet Jupiter and the zodiacal sign of Scorpio (as cited by Camfield in A Theological Discourse of Angels) and Pisces. With the angels Uriel and Rubiel, Barakiel is invoked to bring success in games of chance, according to De Plancy, Dictionaire Infernal.[Rf. Ginzberg, The Legends of the Jews I, 140.]

Lightning of God We see Crowley let off some lightning while too angry to control himself, and an angel of lightning could easily be considered an angel of the sky.

Archangel Baraqiel We assume Metatron was referring to Satan when he spoke of the Prince of Heaven they lost. Could he have been referring to Crowley? There was a lot of hatred in the look Metatron gave Crowley in the bookshop.

Crowley also told Beelzebub that the whole erasure from the Book of Life thing was something they said just to scare the Cherubs and that it wasn't actually a thing. We think of fat little cupids when Cherubs are mentioned, but Cherub is just the singular of Cherubim, and those guys are just one step below the Seraphim.

And he was teasing them.

Crowley says he understands what Aziraphale is offering him better than his angel does. If he was a Seraphim, then I believe it.

I know Furfur's book places him as a Dominion, but Neil can be an unreliable narrator, and who knows how accurate a demon's book might be. Neil could have also just decided to make Crowley a Dominion instead. Afterall, the angel guarding the Eastern gate in the bible was a Cherubim, but Neil and Terry changed that to Principality when they made Aziraphale.

Also, if Crowley was hanging out with "Lucifer and the guys," that suggests he was a high ranking angel. You're friends with the people you see every day. They were probably his office buddies.

Crowley said in the beginning of S2 that he worked "very closely with upstairs" on his nebula project. Anyone who has worked for a hierarchical business knows that lower order employees aren't even allowed to talk to the higher-ups directly. They would have to submit their issues to their direct supervisor, and that request would go up the chain until it's taken care of, probably never reaching the highest levels of the company. If Crowley was working directly with "upstairs," and his crossed fingers suggest a close collaboration, then he must have been a very high rank to be allowed to talk to them directly.

It is also worth noting that the use of the singular seraph, in the Book of Isaiah, is translated as "flying fiery serpent."

Ruler of the signs Scorpio and Pisces Crowley is hissy and wrathful and WILL CUT YOU, but he also loves children, and turns goats into birds so he doesn't have to kill them, and breathes life back into smooshed doves, so this makes perfect sense to me. Who's our moody little snek, you're our moody little snek.

Invoked to bring success in games of chance We have already seen him outsmart Heaven and Hell with Armageddon. He is uncommonly sharp-witted and capable for a demon, or even an angel. Look at the way he invented regulations for the Rules of Engagement so convincingly that Shax backed down, and how he got Muriel to sneak him into Heaven. I would definitely want an occult force like Crowley-Baraqiel on my side if I was doing something risky.

[theylikeholdinghands]

A ramble of major spoilery thoughts after the prime premiere screening (episodes 1+2)

Under the cut. Very big spoils, I’m warning you.

My head is jumbled after the masterpiece I witnessed and all I’ll summarise are reactions and some stuff y’all already know from other screenings

Episode 1:

CROWLEY AS AN ANGEL OH MY GOODNESS HE WAS SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL AND HIS HAIR WAS STUNNING. Aziraphale definitely had love heart eyes at him and the whole “oh look at you, gorgeous” thing was legit. Crowley said that and Aziraphale smiled thinking it was aimed at him and then turned as he realised what he meant, the whole cinema room went awwwwww.

No one told me Gabriel fucking rubs his naked self fully against Zira whilst hugging him, I actually died.

GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY DOES PLAY WHEN CROWLEY IS RUSHING TO THE BOOKSHOP TO PROTECT AND APOLOGISE TO AZIRAPHALE. AAAAAAH

The whole cinema erupted in laughter when Crowley had to do an apology dance and I was screaming. He did end it with a ballerina pose I cannot. Aziraphale said he had to do that apology dance in 1650, 1793 and 1941 (so I hope we see that in the 40s minisode)

Aziraphale being all adorable listening to his records before he got interrupted by Gabriel aaaaaah

GABRIEL SAYS “I LOVE YOU” TO AZIRAPHALE AND ZIRA SAYS THANK YOU and then goes “I…hmm” SAVE IT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

Aziraphale is so sweet with Maggie but he has no fucking clue how to be a landlord i stg. Maggie also mentions the lockdowns, so the lockdown audio clip is canon.

Episode 2 Part 1 The Minisode:

The way Aziraphale enters this episode, dramatic ass bitch

I absolutely loved Azicrow’s initial argument about Crowley being evil and killing the goats and then the reveal he never killed them. ZIRA’S SMUG FACE BECAUSE HE KNEW CROWLEY WOULD NEVER HURT ANYTHING. Plus why do they look like they’re gonna kiss in that argument, I saw Zira looking at his lips… maybe his beard

Ty’s character is so camp when flirting with Zira oh my goodness

Gabriel’s long hair reveal got the crowd roaring

CROWLEY TEMPTED AZIRAPHALE INTO EATING AND HIS REACTIONS OH MY GOODNESS

The way they work together to trick the angels into thinking the kids are brand new is comedic gold

The very final scene of the episode is absolutely stunning. They’re both vulnerable and I love the line “I’m a demon, I was lying” comes back in so many ways this episode

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW EVERY REVIEWER SAID FRANCES MCDORMAND WASNT GOING TO BE BACK AND YET WE HEARD HER AND SAW HER NAME IN THE CREDITS

Episode 2 Part 2 Present Day:

CROWLEY SLEEPING IN HIS CAR, MOVE IN WITH YOUR HUSBAND DUMBASS

AZIRAPHALE CALLED THE BENTLEY “OUR CAR” and said he learned how to drive 90 years ago

Crowley’s romantic wooing involves a downpour of rain, sheltering under an awning and looking in to each others eyes to realise whats been there the entire time… ARE YOU OKAY CROWLEY

Crowley didn’t know Jane Austen wrote novels and knew her from a crime background. He picks up Pride and Prejudice in Aziraphale’s bookshop aaaaaaah

When Gabriel is alone alphabetising Zira’s books, he comes across P&P and reads the first sentence. THEN PICKS UP ANOTHER BOOK AND ITS THE FUCKING GOOD OMENS BOOK. NEIL I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS

Anyway these are my initial reactions so sorry for the ramble. I hope y’all who haven’t been to a screening get to indulge and look forward to whats coming in just over a day now!

[mrscakeishere]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Beta Reviews!

"I can't stop laughing!" "Hot hot hot!!!" "That poor electrical socket looks positively scandalized!"

Polycakes (Me and Polychrome, aka @polychromicron-persei-8) hurled another fanfic grenade into the @goodomensafterdark Smut War with Sensors and Sensibility (rated Explicit, CW: semi-public sex, anal sex). Read on for summary and excerpt!

Sensors and Sensibility

Despite Crowley shooting a little too fast and furious, he and Aziraphale have had a steamy first year.

Soho, on the other hand, is miserable.

Turns out, paranormal coitus has the uncanny ability to interfere with the Internet of Things, playing havoc with smart things throughout the neighbourhood.

In an attempt to solve the “celestial sex problem,” Nina floats the idea of a romantic dinner somewhere far away, selling it as the ideal remedy to boost Crowley’s mojo.

The question is, will some delayed gratification improve their sex lives—and can they keep it in their pants long enough to find out?

Excerpt:

For creatures who had been alive since the beginning of time, Aziraphale and Crowley were embarrassingly inexperienced when it came to sex. Sure, they had seen it—you couldn’t go anywhere during those first seven days on Earth without witnessing Adam and Eve sticking something in one hole or another—but neither angel nor demon had ever partaken in such activities until after the Second Coming.1 As well-established virgins,2 everything was exciting and new; every intimate moment was the best sex that they had ever had.3

Of course, to the well-trained eye, much of what Aziraphale and Crowley engaged in was relatively vanilla, consisting of mundane positions, erratic pacing, flailing limbs, and a higher than usual—but not completely unhealthy—frequency of premature ejaculation.

Regardless of partaking in the sort of lovemaking that would disappoint a beginner voyeur, Aziraphale and Crowley felt satiated. In fact, they were so wrapped up in the thrill of their newfound sex lives and their steamy honeymoon period that they had spent an entire year engaging in sex and very little else.

This had not gone unnoticed by the neighbours.

This was not entirely true. Aziraphale actually had one experience getting his willy sucked while attending Portland Place. He had never had the heart to tell Crowley though, who had taken great pride in believing that he had been Aziraphale’s first time.

Well, Crowley was a virgin.

Even though it was, for the most part, the only sex they had ever had.

Continue reading on Ao3 for Crowley and Aziraphale's coffee needs, romantic dinner date, and the impact of their sexual congress on smart and automated things.

[fellthemarvelous]

Aziraphale my love

Please enjoy my WHOLE ASS OPINION AND META ANALYSIS.

I support Petty Bitch Aziraphale for season 3!! The angels have been talking down to him from the very beginning and mocking him. Every single person in his life has insulted his intelligence (yes, Crowley has done so several times). I want to see him GO OFF!!! (I posted this part as a tweet but Twitter doesn't give me enough room to write it all in one big place like Tumblr).

Like I am ready to GO THE FUCK OFF myself!

All of Heaven has been emotionally, verbally and physically abusive to Aziraphale since the very beginning. They never listen to him, and the only one he ever really wants to talk to anyway is God, but she is nowhere to be found.

Gabriel came to Aziraphale because he experienced something that Aziraphale is very familiar with. He couldn't remember why he was going to Aziraphale, but hiding away his memory in a fly ended up being just as much for Aziraphale's protection as his own. It ended up being the only way he could actually explain to Aziraphale and Crowley what was really going on.

Aziraphale was there to witness Gabriel's open expression of love for a demon and it lit a fire in his heart. He and Crowley could be together.

Aziraphale wanted Crowley to be by his side in Heaven so he could stand in front of all the angels and tell them how much he loves Crowley so they can see that there is more to life than death for humans.

Aziraphale thought taking Crowley with him meant he could continue to protect Crowley from ever going back to Hell. It's not like he's forgotten how Crowley was acting after being dragged down into Hell for saving the life of a human and persuading her to be not just pretend-y good but actually good. Aziraphale giving her the money was the temptation to always be a good person. They saved her soul together, Crowley with the angelic act, and Aziraphale's act was the temptation. They were so used to doing each other's jobs by this point that they switched roles in that scene.

Despite their last fight, Crowley came back and saved him from the Nazis in the church, and Aziraphale had that moment of realization. "Oh my God, I'm in love with my demon." Crowley wasn't interested in the holy water when he saved Aziraphale, and he saved Aziraphale's books. They also killed three Nazis in the process, which is the most romantic part of it all. The Nazis were a source of evil for Hell, so you know Hell told him to keep an eye on the Nazis. Hell was full of Nazis! We saw Furfur complain about processing 52 men called Otto. It's not normal for that to happen in Hell, and it's really starting to piss Furfur off!!

Aziraphale and Crowley working together in 1941 is the first time we see someone in Hell say WE ARE FULL GO AWAY. Hell turned some of the worst of the worst against humanity by turning them into flesh-eating zombies. "The dead shall rise from their graves and roam the Earth once more." Furfur was the first one to set Hell's prisoners free, and in true demon style, his plan backfired against him, but he'd already set the ball rolling on the Second Coming.

The man who owned the magic shop did not want to sell the Bullet Catch to Aziraphale because he could tell right away that Aziraphale was in desperate need of help as he'd just knocked down half the things on the front counter and he would absolutely die just like that Lovely Chinese Fellow (and that seems like a pretty relevant clue). The shopkeeper only sold it to Aziraphale after Crowley handed him money from Aziraphale's wallet (Aziraphale didn't even try to stop him) and used it to tempt the shopkeeper into going against his instincts.

And in true demon fashion, that immediately backfired because it was only then did he realize Aziraphale was going to need a partner, and he was the only one who could do it. I don't think either of them were thinking about what the trick actually entailed. Aziraphale just saw a gun and was like LET'S DO THIS!

They survived the Bullet Catch in a very human way. They couldn't perform miracles and had very human reactions to the situation, but Aziraphale trusted Crowley with that gun pointed at his head.

And when Aziraphale used a human magic trick to save Crowley from being taken back to Hell by Furfur, he proved that he was willing to go to great lengths to keep Crowley safe even though Crowley was a demon.

This entire time he has been trying to give Crowley a place to call home. He painted the walls of the bookshop yellow because they are the same color as Crowley's eyes, which are also the least human thing about him. He has written about him in his journals and he's openly affectionate with Crowley. He always gives Crowley gentle touches and praises him. He loves Crowley and he's showing him in the most human way he knows how.

And when Crowley is losing Aziraphale, he shows Aziraphale his love in the most human way he can think of.

Heaven and Hell have invaded Whickber Street and put the lives of all the humans at risk. The problem is worse than he thought, and he's going back to try and fix it so that Heaven will actually try to be good for once. Not just pretend-y good, but properly good. Everyone is in danger, and I think when the Metatron mentions the Second Coming, Aziraphale completes the puzzle he's been trying to put together since hearing Jim singing a human song. It makes him understand what Gabriel was running away from, and he's the one who gave Gabriel the freedom to run away with Beelzebub.

And the Metatron is not pleased. Aziraphale introduced free will to demons and angels just as Crowley had introduced free will to humanity.

Aziraphale wants to help spread the idea of love and free will around Heaven so it can be better. He's doing something he believes is right with all his heart. He's been on Earth for more than 6,000 years. He remembers the lessons he learned. He knows shades of grey exist and he wants to use this to make Heaven a better place.

But the other archangels have never respected him, and now he's the Supreme Archangel. He has a chance to make things better, and he has done Crowley's job before. He wants to talk to God. He wants to know what it is she wants. He's tired of hearing everyone else speak for God when no one has spoken to God in thousands of years.

And when he told Crowley his idea, Crowley became angry with him and called him an idiot. What he was saying was not what Crowley was hearing because Crowley was trying to confess his love while Aziraphale was trying to tell Crowley his plan to save everyone.

He only wanted to go back to Heaven when he believed he would be able to take Crowley with him, and he thought reinstating Crowley as an angel was the safest way to keep him from ever having to return to Hell.

None of Aziraphale's actions were malicious. None of his actions were to hurt Crowley. He didn't realize how bad his words sounded because he was saying something completely different than what Crowley was hearing.

All of it was a big misunderstanding. If Aziraphale had not taken the coffee from the Metatron, he would have been choosing death. The Metatron is punishing him for going against Heaven by forcing him to go back. Aziraphale only believed it was a choice when he was told he could bring back Crowley.

Aziraphale had the illusion of choice. He knew the Metatron wasn't taking no for an answer, and when Crowley rejected his offer, he still had to go back anyway. When he looked back at Crowley before stepping on that elevator, he knew he was breaking Crowley's heart by not going back to him, but he had no choice. It broke his heart too.

So now he's stuck in Heaven after having the worst fight with Crowley. He probably feels like no one believes in him. Crowley had called him an idiot and then Crowley kissed him. He's confused because he doesn't understand why Crowley is upset with him, but he's probably tired of everyone underestimating him.

Let Aziraphale be done with this shit. Let him be petty about it. He's not holding back anymore. I want him to push back just as hard and stand up for himself. He has earned the right.

[neurolady]

Doomscrolling and came across @startreklesbian gif set for Uz and Job's conversation with God. It occured to me how incredibly difficult that whole situation but particularly witnessing Job talk to God must've been for Crowley.

He's been cast out of Heaven, forced to become a fallen Angel, and by the time of Uz, he has figured out he's not really cut out to be a demon. He has Aziraphale sort of, but that deep bond of trust hasn't really developed yet. In fact, it is Uz where it really begins to set in. He's attracted to, curious about, and cares for Aziraphale, but I wouldn't say they're in love yet. Their partnership is still tentative, he's testing their boundaries for most of this minisode. By his own admission, he's lonely. He plays it down for Aziraphale, but he must be painfully lonely at this point. I doubt very much he's got any human contacts this early on, his relationship with Hell is strained, and Heaven has abandoned him. He's been pigeonholed into this broad and arbitrary umbrella term of 'evil' for simply being curious and asking questions. He's been left out in the universe rudderless and forced to find an identity and purpose all on his own, for no other reason than wanting to understand the universe he had hand in creating - or at least that's what we've been led to believe so far!

Then here we are in Uz and for no other reason than their own entertainment, at least that is how it must seem to Crowley, God & Satan are playing this wicked game with Job. In order to FORCE him into questioning everything. When Job breaks and does go to God with questions, God answers him directly and then (sort of) rewards him!! How confused and fricking angry Crowley must be, to not only have to witness this but to be the demon Hell sent along to instigate it all. What another absolute kick in gut!

To top that off his "but to able to ask the questions" suggests he never actually got to ask any of his questions directly to God (insert death stare at The Metatron here). He was cast out and judged before he was given the opportunity Job is being rewarded for; the one he has to witness. No wonder he see's curiosity in Aziraphale and spends millenia nurturing but protecting him from it. He's trying to protect him from the outright cruelty he's been subjected to.

God's part in this, specifically as relates to Crowley is so hard to understand. Ineffable if you will. Either she is just a dick, the God of the Supernatural universe. Or since the Ineffable plan is so very much GO canon, she has some greater purpose for specifically dragging poor baby Crowley so maliciously over the coals for millenia. But why? What in the Heaven could it be?

Whatever the overall plan for Crowley, in Uz, he must be in so much pain. It hurts to even think about! Yet, as usual, his instinct is kindness. To Aziraphale (of course), to Job, to Sitis, to the annoying children even to the bloody goats!

JESUS CHRIST... AZIRAPHALE... SOMEBODY HUG HIM!!!!

[weird-little-book-lover]

The Moment A Demon Became A Human

It’s not supposed to be like this.

Throughout season one and 90% of season two, Good Omens is a wonderfully fanciful, intelligent, story of the battle of good and evil.

Collectively, our favorite character tends to be the unnamed character: the energy between Aziraphale and Crowley.

This is why you always see cosplay with both characters and never just one.

The actual cosplay is the energy between the two.

Good Omens is a show that allows us to escape into a universe that reflects back the beauty of humanity in all its imperfections. A show that says:

“Heaven and Hell be damned, it’s humanity that creates the meaning of life.”

A show that reminds us what it means to love someone because you so deeply understand them.

Everything changed in an instant in season two’s final episode. (oi, spoilers ahead).

I wasn’t ready. The switch was so fast.

He’d been a demon with a heart of gold and a sharp wit for four years. Longer, if we’re talking about the book.

For me, the joy of Crowley has been that he really sees everyone for who they truly are and, despite being a demon, he accepts each person as such. No judgment, just acknowledgment and dry humor.

And then he realized.

He’d been pushing it down. Ignoring it. Though I suspect he was more aware than Aziraphale, Crowley had a sense it was there, but he was managing it.

Throughout season one we see Crowley have moments of softening to help Aziraphale process change and loss. To help when Aziraphale’s angelic view of the world becomes cracked by outside forces (and the ever-present threat of Armageddon).

At the end of season two, a pair of mere morals break Crowley’s defenses by naming what he has never dared to: He loves Aziraphale more than anything else in the known universe.

He never smiles again.

His almost cartoonish face has transformed. He looks at Aziraphale without his eyes darting about. Without his bored fidgets. Without his annoyed skulking. Without his eyebrows arched dramatically.

In 30 seconds of screen time, he has become human.

His face is calm. It is real. And it is hurting. He has to try. He’ll likely fail, but that’s never stopped him before. For us watching, it is haunting.

Crowley takes a leap of faith.

Have you ever deeply loved someone and had to take that leap of faith where you let go of all your fears and hope to God the other person catches you? It’s such a core part of the human experience, and yet 9 times out of 10 it is a leap that ends in a fall.

This is what Crowley does. He takes the leap. He confesses, voice cracking, everything in him breaking, that all he wants, all he needs, is Aziraphale.

Yet all Aziraphale can see is that he only has value if Heaven accepts him.

A Hail Mary.

As Aziraphale argues they’ll be happy together in Heaven, and Crowley tries to explain why they can’t exist inside a system not built for them, Crowley is overtaken by emotion and tries one last Hail Mary.

He rushes to Aziraphale and pulls him in for a kiss that is symbolic of everything Crowley is offering. All the love, passion, and commitment to always be there for Aziraphale.

Always. All ways.

Aziraphale rejects this gift with the quiet response “I forgive you.”

While everyone else is talking about the kiss, it’s the moment after when Crowley sighs that hit me.

It's the sigh for me.

It’s a sigh of resignation.

He’s buried this for so long, and now he must bury it once more.

Crowley can see Aziraphale loves him back, surely he can feel it, but he’s always seen the world and creatures in it very clearly. Aziraphale, much like Nina, is still struggling with a toxic relationship. There is no room for Crowley. And this time, Crowley can’t help him. Aziraphale must rescue himself, or resign them both to a loveless existence.

Aziraphale makes a very human mistake. Crowley reaches a very human depth.

It’s not supposed to be like this. A fanciful show just killed our favorite character.

And it did so by becoming human, first.

[coyotestarcraft]

Too Broken To Be Fixed (Part 2)

Fandom: Good Omens

Pairing: Aziraphale x Reader x Crowley

A/N: Okay! Part 2...finally was able to work and finish this. Tbh I’m in a really good mental state right now, despite being sick with a runny nose and small cough. I do still feel and remember a bunch of triggering things from my childhood that left me scarred for life. It’s really hard to move past something that happened when you were a child.

SIDENOTE: This is for anyone who has experienced traumatic events in their past. If anything in here triggers you I highly recommend that you don’t read.

WARNINGS: Transphobia, Biphobia, Enbyphobia, toxic parent, loving parent, Cussing.

Part 1

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, you laid in bed in between your angel and demon.

Before your eyes even opened you felt soft kisses on your forehead and cheek, you stir awake and smile up at the boys who are softly smiling down at you, “good morning,” you stretch making the cutest start up noise the boys have ever heard.

“Good morning my love,” Aziraphale cooed while Crowley hugged you from behind as you kissed the angel. “Where’s my kiss?” Crowley pouts behind you, you laugh turning around to kiss your demon who smiles into the kiss.

You get out of bed ready to start the day, the plan was to go to the park for a picnic then walk around to enjoy what the beautiful sunny day had to offer.

Back in Florida (if you don’t live in Florida, pretend you do for now) it was raining nearly every day in the summer, so it was nice to be on Soho and see the sun everyday with little to no clouds, though Soho did have the occasional thunderstorm you enjoyed rain or shine.

As you sat at the counter scrolling through your phone, Aziraphale was cooking normal pancakes, crepes and bacon, “ever tried a crepe before?” Aziraphale turns to smile at you. “No, I’m not even sure what that is,” you shake your head.

You have heard of crepes but never actually seen or eaten one, “it’s like a pancake but really thin, you can put anything on it, fruit, vegetables, meat, cheese.”

“Sure I’ll try one, can I have grape jelly on it?” You ask, Aziraphale nods delighted to be sharing his favorite breakfast meal with you.

An hour later, your on the couch with Crowleys legs across yours and you reading your favorite book, Aziraphale was next to you reading his own book.

A knock at the door gets Aziraphale up to answer, he let’s put a shocked gasp, when you turn just enough to see who’s at the door, instant panic sets in.

Your mother and father are standing in the doorway.

“Mom, dad.” You say as short shallow breaths leave you.

“Why haven’t you called? We’ve been worried sick!” You mother glares at you angrily, you couldn’t say anything, Crowley came up behind you to wrap a protective arm around your shoulder, you give his hand a gentle pat as if to say, ‘I’ve got this.’

“I haven’t called because, I never wanted anything to do with you anymore, I told you that when I left.” You glared back.

“Don’t you dare use that tone with me!” She got up in your face but you confidently stood your ground, shooting away your boys when they attempted to protect you, but you had to stand up to your mother, you couldn’t take anymore of her manipulative behavior and gaslighting.

“Why?! Because I have to respect my elders, when my own mother doesn’t even respect me!? I don’t give a fuck what you think I should do, because you know what? IM NOT YOUR PUPPET ANYMORE!” You yelled the last part.

A stinging pain was all you felt, the world around you was as white as snow.

Finally the world became clear again, you get your body regain control, that’s when the boys noticed tears streaming down your face both from pain and from the repressed anger that had been keeping you prisoner for many years.

That’s when you lost it...

“All my life, I’ve had to endure your bullshit! All my life I was taught to treat people with respect! All my life I have witnessed shit that a child shouldn’t have to witness!” You pant, “You never gave a shit about me! It was always about you or my screw up worthless piece of a shit sister!” You yelled, you kept moving forward while your mother kept moving back, far enough to trap her between you, Aziraphale, the wall and now Crowley.

“You never cared about me! I was always put on the back burner, I felt neglected, I felt unwanted, a lost cause, a nuisance, insignificant, unworthy and many other things, you act like you care about me but in reality you never wanted anything to do with me.” You point an angry finger at her.

“Now here I am living my best life with the two best boyfriends in the world, at peace and you have to come ruin it!” You yell.

“I never meant to hurt you but your an adult, you have to learn by yourself.” Your mom said.

“I have been! But I still need that support and what’d you do!? Nothing, I have been asking and asking for help, but I never got it!” You cried, tears ran down your cheeks as you got more upset, not only emotionally but mentally and physically.

“Just go! I don’t want you in my life anymore, go home live your pathetic lives and leave me alone!” You cry, pushing your mother out of the door and slamming it.

“Honey. I’m sorry your mom did this to you, I tried talking to her but she’s too wrapped up in her own delusional fantasy to understand anything anymore.” You dad said.

“I’ll talk tomorrow, I just want to be alone, please.” You whimper, running off to your safe place, slamming the door behind you.

Now the recovery begins…

[sakascal]

With Her as Our Witness

So, I have a new story. I started posting it last week, but entirely procrastinated posting about it here. As you do, you know? It's supposed to tell the story of our ineffable idiots through moments in and around (and somehow involving at some point at least) the Bentley. And the story of the Bentley and how she became what she is.

It was supposed to be a shorter story - but turned into a monster. Apparently I'm terrible at estimating how long something will be.

Three chapters are out, so far. It's rated M and chapter 3 is the first to get a bit steamy (I hope, not the first time I wrote something even remotely smutty-adjacent but the first time I post something of the like online, so let me know how I did with it but be kind, please. ;) )

I update every Monday and Thursday - unless something unforeseen happens that stops me from doing so (never say never).

Excerpt from Chapter 1: 1933

If that numbskull of an angel had wanted to do any more ‘fraternizing’, all he would have had to do over the past 70 years is come find him and apologize. Despite Crowley making it purposefully difficult to do that - and no, he wasn’t being petty, actual demon here. So what, if the ang– the bastard had stated more than once in his letters that he wasn’t sure if Crowley would be willing to see him at all? Which he wasn’t. Not until that prick had apologized. In person.

“Okay, alright, so maybe that is a little unreasonable,” Crowley grumbled. “And illogical.”

Excerpt from Chapter 2: 1941

As he came closer to the demon and his automobile, he had to admit there was one factor he had never considered before. The way automobiles looked - or more precisely, how their owners looked standing next to them, leaning all suave on the roof as he waited by the open passenger side’s door, a soft smirk across his lips.

‘Oh, heavens!’ he thought and very nearly tripped over his own feet.

Crowley’s eyebrows lifted and, amused, his smirk became more pronounced.

Excerpt from Chapter 3: 1967

“Can you believe the silliness of that angel?” he said to his Bentley.

The angel had been worried about his safety. His. Safety. His.

He grinned like a fool, though he felt he should laugh at that, too. While it made him feel all kinds of warm and tingly to know the angel was concerned for him - who was it that usually pulled whose delectable behind out of trouble, hmm?

And here he was hopelessly head over heels for that absurd and wonderful being. 6000 years. Made him just as absurd, if not more. He didn’t care. Aziraphale was the best part of his existence, as marvellous and frightening as that was.

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

Ok so um. I have a theory. About the Beginning and the Fall.

I was thinking about the dynamic between Crowley and Aziraphale in the season one / book beginning, on the wall of the garden of Eden could be a lead on from their Before the Beginning first meeting and um. it spiralled.

Obviously when book (at least) & s1 were written, their meeting on the garden wall was their first proper meeting (I think), but I reckon that with the developments of s2, you could say it was their first proper interaction after the Fall.

Aziraphale is nervous/awkward because the last time he saw Crowley was as angel just before the fall - either Aziraphale didn’t see Crowley’s actual Fall, or he heard about it happening and was too late and never forgave himself (but I'm sure he'll try and find out when he's archangel),  or he *did* see the fall and his memory of it was wiped. Because he had too many feelings for Crowley. And  AND IT'S PART OF THE PLAN THE FRICKEN INEFFABLE PLAN CROWLEY HAS TO BE A DEMON AND AZIRAPHALE HAS TO STAY AN ANGEL FOR THIS WHOLE THING TO WORK GODS BEEN PLANNING THIS THE WHILE TIME SHE NEEDED HIM TO BE AN ANGEL AND CROWLEY TO BE A DEMON WHAT IF.

WHAT IF AZIRAPHALE WAS GOING TO FALL WITH CROWLEY.

SEEING CROWLEY FALL WAS AWFUL FOR AZIRAPHALE AS WELL BECAUSE AZIRAPHALE KNEW CROWLEY WAS RIGHT. HE WAS A DEMON BECAUSE OF IT BUT HE WAS RIGHT - Heaven aren't always the good guys. Crowley was cast down for asking questions, never gets the answers, and Aziraphale has always doubted heaven, and he was beginning to wonder too, to, ASK QUESTIONS, HE WAS PREPARED TO FALL

WHAT IF HE WAS PREPARED TO FALL WITH CROWLEY BECAUSE HE KNEW HEAVEN WAS WRONG. And what if heaven either prevented him from witnessing Crowley’s actual Fall, or erased his memory of it because he needed to stay an angel for this whole plan to work. Ineffable. Neither of them had any say.

And that’s why their meeting on the wall has very first-meeting vibes - Crowley is still working through *remembering* what happened Before the Beginning, and the Fall and the whole Asking Questions thing - AZIRAPHALE HAD A QUESTION. ON THE WALL. IT HAD BEEN BOTHERING HIM IF GIVING AWAY THE SWORD WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO OR NOT. CROWLEY WAS NOW FREE TO OPENly question, being a demon, and hearing him say it was a little reassuring that it wasn’t just him wondering if what he’d done was right or wrong. And Aziraphale had to ask who Crowley was because he was sure he knew him from somewhere but maybe couldn’t remember yet (he probably hadn’t quite worked out the whole looking where the furniture isn’t stuff yet). but also they act familiarly because they ARE familiar, even if they can only half remember why. And of COURSE OF COURSE THE NAME WAS BECAUSE HE ONLY KNEW HIS ANGEL NAME, NOT CRAWLY. Even though he bangs on about ‘you were an angel once’ HE KNEW THAT HE WASN'T TALKING TO THE ANGEL ANYMORE. SOMETHING HAD CHANGED AND IT HURT HIM TOO BECAUSE HE HATES CHANGE. In a way it was their first meeting - they were both different people to who they had been Before the Fall. Aziraphale loved Crowley right from the very first moments, FROM WHEN HE HELPED HIM - DOING A NICE THING FOR HIM BY HOLDING THE SCROLL - from right when ‘look at you you’re gorgeous’ and seeing angel!Crowley’s love for what he had created and wanting to protect it . Just as he was now trying to protect the first of the humans they would both come to love.

[goatbeard-goatbeard]

From shared memories to shared memories

been thinking about some GO s3 possibilities related to memories

to get this out of the way: I don’t think memories are being edited, or are otherwise misleading. but they are still a major factor in s2, and could potentially be one in s3. let me explain:

S2: shared memories

as (many) others have already pointed out, the flashbacks in s2 seem to be Aziraphale’s memories:

in episode 2, the minisode lives in the picture book Aziraphale is looking at (Crowley also looks at it, and there are some early Job scenes from his POV, but he eventually wanders off)

in episode 3, Aziraphale sees the picture of Mr. Dalrymple and it immediately kicks back into the minisode, which also features narration from his diary

in episode 4, Shax mentions Furfur to Aziraphale, which reminds him of their 1941 encounter with Furfur

and Aziraphale seems to be thinking about the nebula scene in episode 6, so even the cold open is part of this pattern

I think this is part of the reason God does not narrate, the flashbacks are supposed to represent events Aziraphale is remembering, so having God narrate would confuse the POV

S3: shared memories

ok, so what if s3 does the same thing as s2, but with a twist?

Aziraphale looks at something, we flash back, and… we see memories that Aziraphale could not possibly have witnessed, because only Crowley is in them. for example:

the cold opens so far have been the Beginning and Before the Beginning, but never the part in between — Crowley’s fall. emotionally, this would pick up right where we left off in s2; for the first time, they are NOT together in the cold open

Aziraphale is doing something Second Coming related, we see a flashback to one of Crowley’s interactions with Jesus

Aziraphale needs to get some top secret heaven info, flashback to Crowley breaking into something before the Fall -> hey magically Aziraphale can get in now, after we saw a memory that’s definitely not his

maybe the reverse happens too, with Crowley flashing back to solo-Aziraphale memories

at first, we think the show is focusing on their solo exploits because they’re also split up in the modern day. but as the season continues, it becomes more and more obvious that Aziraphale (and maybe Crowley) is using information from these flashbacks that he shouldn’t actually have

maybe they’ve found a way to keep in touch while Aziraphale is stuck in Heaven. maybe it’s something weirder. either way, they’re no longer reliving shared experiences, they’re reliving shared experiences

initially, showing the Fall in the cold open represented their separation. by the end of the season, it’s recontextualized as proof that they’re closer than ever — because how could Aziraphale be seeing it in flashback, unless Crowley showed it to him?

[feralbutfluffy]

42: Crowley

Chapter 42 of Too Wise to Woo Peaceably

*******************************************

"What were you thinking? I'd already said I didn't need an apology! Yeah, look, I was still angry before, but then you - stupidly, by the way - went back up there - like an idiot, I might add - and you killed The Metatron. That tears up the ledger, Aziraphale."

Muriel had left to escort a scandalised Saraqael back to Heaven to recover. They'd concocted a cover story involving a demonic pyromaniac, although Saraqael had recovered enough strength to hide their wings so Crowley was really, really hoping the story wouldn’t be necessary...

Muriel had come up with most of it.

On their way out, Muriel had said that seeing the apology dance in all its glory had probably been the thing to shock Saraqael back to themselves, and privately Crowley had to agree. They'd looked so affronted he'd briefly thought there might be a Victorian-era swoon and Aziraphale would have to locate his smelling salts from the 19th century. There was no doubt that somewhere in the bookshop, Aziraphale had smelling salts. That seemed inarguable; the angel was a veritable hoarder of nostalgic sentimentalities.

Anyway.

Saraqael (and Muriel, once Aziraphale had pointed out they might not be well enough to go alone) had left the bookshop in haste that would have been offensive if Crowley hadn’t been so glad to see them leave. They had healed him, and he was grateful, but he couldn’t shake the fact that hanging out with an archangel made him feel like a cat getting rubbed up the wrong way. 

Well. That particular archangel, anyway. 

The other archangel - the Supreme one who had just twirled and bowed before him like Salome - was distractedly leafing through papers on the desk, studiously avoiding Crowley’s gaze.

"Whatever chance I may have had to redeem myself only came to pass as a result of my original actions,” Aziraphale said stiffly. “You were still owed an apology dance for the original offense."

Crowley let his head fall back and closed his eyes. 

“How noble of you,” he said, only half-mockingly. “Did that debt really require you to bow submissively in the presence of two angels? Muriel’s… fine, probably - that one's as loyal as a hound - but if Saraqael’s the gossip-at-the-holy-watercooler type you’re never going to hear the end of it Upstairs. They’ll think I have some sort of power over you.” 

He smirked as he tried to imagine Saraqael describing the dance to a cluster of horrified angels. He found it harder to imagine than he thought he would, actually. Aziraphale was probably safe enough from the office rumour mill.

Still. Aziraphale hated doing that dance, which was part of why Crowley so enjoyed asking him to do it. That, and the sensual, warm, coiling feeling he always got at the end, when Aziraphale swept into his ludicrously dramatic bow and looked up at him like he was a knight pledging loyalty to his liege. 

Having witnesses had significantly diminished his enjoyment.

Aziraphale had fallen silent, and Crowley opened one eye to see the angel staring down at the ground with an odd look on his face. Crowley opened his other eye and lifted his head to fix him with a questioning frown. Had he upset him?

Aziraphale fiddled with the hem of his jacket and then, in a shy, coy voice Crowley barely recognised, said, “Don’t you?”

Every single thought in Crowley’s head instantly abandoned him, leaving him stranded in a whited-out moment of blinding confusion. What was he asking? What had he said? He tried to remember what had preceded the question, but some subconscious part of him must have heard, understood, and abruptly shut down his mental processes, because he couldn’t catch hold of a single coherent thought.

“Mn?” 

Aziraphale tilted his head, attention now fixed on the base of the desk. 

“Don’t you?” He repeated. This time his tone was mild, almost disinterested. Deceptively casual.

Whatever Crowley had said, he’d said it less than a minute ago. Bit alarming, thought Crowley, trying to stay calm about the fact that his short-term memory now had the structural integrity of Swiss cheese. What had he been rambling about? Something about Saraqael gossiping… His frown deepened, and then, finally, he managed to scrape together enough cognitive ability to recall the last thing he’d said. 

‘They’ll think I have some sort of power over you.’

‘Don’t you?’

He pitched forward gracelessly, searching Aziraphale’s downturned face for sarcasm or mockery. His muscles were rigid with tension. What was the angel playing at?

Aziraphale slowly, reluctantly, dragged his gaze upward.

They locked eyes. 

Crowley found no humour there. Aziraphale had the wide, wet, terrified look of a rabbit realising they’ve been cornered by a fox. 

Presumably he was the fox in this analogy. 

He sighed. Whatever fear was thrumming through Aziraphale, it was entirely self-imposed; Crowley was in no condition to be pouncing on anything except maybe a pillow.  He felt so, so tired. Physically, yes, but also tired of talking round in circles, tired of the same arguments in different guises, tired of 6000 years spent running to stand still, tired of stitching up his wounded heart every time Aziraphale took fright and disappeared.

‘They’ll think I have some sort of power over you.’

‘Don’t you?’

“No,” he said wearily, absent-mindedly touching the cut under his eye. He felt the dried blood there, hard and rough beneath his fingertip. It stung a bit when he pressed it, and the narrow point of uncomplicated pain was a welcome distraction. Aziraphale’s question had rubbed raw a hurt he'd been making a heroic effort to ignore.

Aziraphale opened his mouth as if to disagree, and Crowley felt annoyance flare in his chest. His hand dropped, clenching into a fist against his thigh. “If I had any sort of power over you, you’d have stayed, don’t you think?” He tried to keep his voice soft. He wasn’t trying to hurt Aziraphale, but it was the truth. 

“When they asked you to go - and I shouldn't need to tell you this, because you already know - I used everything in my power to ask you to stay.” He stared evenly at Aziraphale, whose mouth was pressed into an unhappy line. “Was it enough?”

Aziraphale was silent. 

“So, to answer your question again: no.” Crowley broke eye contact, his eyes burning. 

Aziraphale was up and sitting next to him before he had a chance to finish the sentence, thigh pressed against Crowley’s, eyes fixed on his face. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. You’ve said. It’s fine. You’re forgiven. It’s…” he tugged at his sleeve and cleared his throat. “It’s in the past. Just don’t- don't say things like that. Feels…”

Cruel. 

“...a bit thoughtless.” Crowley shifted uncomfortably, trying to create an inch or two of space between them.

Aziraphale was still staring at him. He could feel it through his skin, like a tingle. He valiantly resisted the urge to press his hand to it.

“Muriel told me you went to sleep after I left. They said you were sleeping right up until they woke you. How long were you planning to sleep for?” Aziraphale said, and his voice was gentle and sad and, frankly, unbearable.

The shadow of pity in Aziraphale’s voice was enough to spring the trap of Crowley’s temper. He spoke without thinking, tit-for-tat on the tip of his tongue.

“Yeah? Muriel told me about your diary entry from 1941.”

He regretted the words instantly.

S orry Muriel.

“What?” Aziraphale blanched and leaned away from him. 

Crowley wondered if there was a way to backtrack. He doubted the angel would buy it. 

Damage limitation it is.

“Just, ah, broad strokes. General jist. That sort of thing. Nothing too, ah, detailed.”

He thought he must be glowing with the lie. He darted a look at Aziraphale, whose eyes had that wet, hunted look about them again. Brilliant. Back to being the fox, and this time he had brought it on himself.

Well, he’d heard the best defense was a good offence… 

“Look. Right. So. They might have mentioned- You wrote- " Oh, this was agonising. "You wrote that I made your heart hammer…” 

Aziraphale didn’t so much as blink; he looked absolutely horrified. Crowley narrowed his eyes and continued, “...from fear. You wrote that I made your heart hammer from fear ."

Not a flicker of movement.

"... And then earlier, before our date with The Metatron, you said and I quote, ' You’ve never frightened me, Crowley .' Those were your exact words. So. I’d like to know who you’re lying to, because they can’t both be true.”

Crowley’s eyes caught on a hint of movement; Aziraphale’s hands were shaking. Part of Crowley wanted to stop then, wanted to sink back into himself, apologise for anything and everything, smooth things over with soft words and gentle humour… 

Of course, that was always his reaction to Aziraphale’s distress. Make it better. At all costs, make it better. He’d been whatever he’d needed to be to keep snapping back to Aziraphale’s side, and he’d done it over and over and over again until he couldn’t do it anymore. 

Now there was another part - a fierce, excruciatingly hopeful part - that thought that if he could just hold his nerve, he might be able to snap them out of their usual pattern, might be able to knock them onto a new course.

He was an ouroboros trying to pull the tail out of his own mouth.

“Angel, are you lying to me? Or are you lying to yourself?”

[feraltuxedo]

Saving Face

New fic alert! My contribution for this year's @fandomtrumpshate auction is live - a five part human AU featuring author Crowley and faceblind bookseller Aziraphale.

Saving Face by FeralTuxedo E, 1/5 chapters Summary: Bookseller Aziraphale has never had much of a green thumb, but when radio host A.J. Crowley's new book about houseplants arrives at the shop, he makes an effort to sell as many copies as possible. His job is on the line, after all. And a mysterious redheaded customer with a penchant for vandalism isn’t helping.

I was prompted by @comicgeekery to write a meet-cute get together fic in that setting and with Aziraphale's prosopagnosia complicating things. Since I have the condition, too, I was all over that idea. You can check out an excerpt from the first chapter below the cut:

Abandoning his mug of tea, Aziraphale stepped out onto the shop floor, where the redhead was perusing the display table with the new arrivals.

‘I wouldn’t get that one if I were you. Dreadful slog all throughout the second half and the killer couldn’t be more obvious if she walked around with a bloodstained knife in her hand.’

The man’s sunglasses flashed at him as he looked up with that mixture of delight and apprehension that had baffled Aziraphale for weeks now. Every time this particular customer sauntered into the shop, nerves barely concealed behind the swagger, he appeared rather more interested in the shop assistant than the books he was half-heartedly browsing.

It had taken a while for Aziraphale to acknowledge the flirting, even after Newt had made several allusions to it. But by the time he’d summarised every single Bond novel to the man, noticed him hanging onto his every word, only for him to off-handedly comment that he’d already read them all, he’d cottoned on. Which was for the best, or he would have been more than irritated by what Gabriel no doubt considered a colossal waste of his shop staff’s time.

‘D’you read all the books you sell?’ the customer asked now, mouth twitching at the corners.

‘Goodness, no. If only. That would be the quickest way to get my notice handed to me.’

‘Right.’ The man’s eyebrows shot above the stark line of his sunglasses, surprise evident on his sharp features. ‘Isn’t this your shop?’

The absurdity of the idea made Aziraphale laugh.

‘Mine? Oh no, far from it. I am but a humble shop assistant.’

He tapped the name badge pinned to his chest. The man didn’t look at it, but fumbled with the book in his hands.

‘Right, sorry. Just thought… ‘cause you’re in here all the time…’

‘I’m the only full-time staff member,’ Aziraphale explained. ‘Everyone else is part-time, except for the manager, and he works upstairs.’

He pointed at the ceiling, beyond which Gabriel sat in his first-floor office, presumably doing very little. Aziraphale preferred it that way. Once or twice each day, he would descend the stairs into the staff room to make a snide comment about sales figures or the correct way to lay out a shop window, and then disappear again.

‘Though, if I might be so bold as to admit, with him very much busy with his accounts—’ Aziraphale put the last word in air quotes— ‘I’m mostly left to do as I please. Which is for the best, really. If my manager was in charge of the displays, you’d see nothing but How to Win Friends and Influence People. I’m sure it’s the only book he’s ever read, not that it’s done him much good.’

The man’s laughter rang through the shop bright as a bell. Entirely charming. Encouraged, Aziraphale took a step closer and looked back over his shoulder to make sure Newt was not lurking in the doorway to the staff room. He gathered all his resolve, and to his own surprise, his smile was as steady as his voice when he spoke.

‘I was wondering, actually, if I might take you out for a coffee. There’s a lovely little place just around the corner, and I can take my break as early as in half an hour. I just need to let my colleague know. The thing is, I’d love to talk more about books with you. Or anything else, for that matter.’

The man stared at him through dark lenses, a deep frown forming beneath his widow’s peak. Well, that wasn’t at all a good sign. Had Aziraphale misread the signals? Was he being a creep?

This moment of building panic was interrupted by Newt, who stomped onto the shop floor with an armful of new releases.

‘Was it you who ordered a whole box of Yelling at Plants by A.J. Crowley?’

Aziraphale, grateful for the distraction, whipped around to relieve Newt of some of the books precariously balanced in his grip. They were bound in a striking black and green cover, with the title embossed in gold. Eye-catching.

‘Yes, I did. How exciting, I didn’t realise they’d already be here. We must clear a space for them, maybe over here?’

He bustled over to the large table in the centre and directed Newt to dump the pile of books on top of it. Prime real estate. As soon as the shop was empty, he’d make it look all nice. And then sneak a look at the book itself. He had been rather looking forward to this one.

Newt regarded the books with a shake of the head.

‘How on earth are we meant to shift thirty copies of a gardening book? Are you actually trying to get us both sacked?’

‘Don’t be silly. This is not just any gardening book. It’s A.J. Crowley’s literary debut.’

This statement was only met with confusion.

‘You don’t know him? Yelling at Plants, every Saturday morning on Radio 4?’

Lovely way to wake up, with the silky voice of A.J. Crowley coming through the airwaves, much less choleric than the name of the show suggested.

‘My nan listens to Radio 4,’ Newt said derisively.

‘Your nan clearly has better taste than you.’

[fellthemarvelous]

Has everyone in the Good Omens fandom seen Shaun of the Dead?

(I tweeted this and then screenshot it because I had more to say. Also if you haven't seen the Thriller music video by Michael Jackson then you're missing out.)

It is very important to know that if you've seen Staged, you know that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were both on the show together in one episode. They are just as close to each other as David and Michael are to each other.

Here is when Shaun and Ed finally notice something weird might be going on.

They have no idea why this woman was showing up in their backyard and they just assume she is drunk. They were so drunk the previous night (Liz dumped Shaun) they don't realize they witnessed one woman completely bite a man's head off or realize that the person moaning back in reply to the song they were singing was actually a zombie.

Ed literally took the time to find one of those ancient cameras we had to use before the invention of the smartphone. And we know that everyone with a smart phone these days would be doing the exact same thing if this was happening right now.

But Shaun also has this girlfriend, Liz,

who is always third-wheeling on dates with her own boyfriend because Ed is never not with them. And the truth is that Shaun needs to make a choice because he can't have both, and Liz really loves him back just as much as he loves her, but Ed is basically Shaun's shadow.

Shaun and Ed begin a noble quest to save Shaun's mum (his stepdad was bitten by a zombie so it becomes necessary to kill him too but there is a flaw in their plan because Philip is still alive by the time they get to the house and Shaun isn't going to kill a living person so they have to add him to the car), to save Liz (only to realize David and Di are still with her and they don't want to be left behind so they get added to the tiny car), and to go to The Winchester (Shaun and Ed's favorite pub and the bane of Liz's existence) because it's sturdy with heavy doors and a rifle behind the counter.

And then all hell breaks loose because Philip finally turns into a zombie in the car, and it's Philip's car that Ed stole because he really wanted to drive it because it was a classic and the child safety locks are still on in the back.

They end up having to abandon the car after locking Philip in it.

They finally reach the pub by acting like zombies and hoping the other zombies don't notice.

And if you have never seen this scene, it's the funniest part of the entire movie. It's iconic, and it happens to "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen. (Warning: this is still very much a zombie movie)

In the end, Ed gets bitten and later sacrifices himself to the other zombies so Liz and Shaun can escape a little easier.

And then at the very end Shaun is letting zombie Ed live in his and Liz's shed and they still play video games together, and even if Ed tries to bite him from time to time, Shaun yells at him and zombie Ed goes back to playing video games.

It still got the happy ending of a romantic comedy, and we never actually learn what caused the zombie breakout, and the zombie's best friend is taking care of him in the shed of the backyard where he and Liz will live happily ever after (we hope).

The movie ends with the song "You're My Best Friend" by Queen.

Also note: Liz's best friend Di is the only other one in their group to survive the zombie apocalypse but you only find out how if you watch the special features.

I think we need to be looking at Shaun of the Dead a bit closer.

And Hot Fuzz ("surrender the angle" is an easter egg from it), also starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. It's hilarious too.

The apocalypse is happening all around Aziraphale and Crowley, but we didn't notice because we were watching it through the lens of a romantic comedy. Meanwhile, Hell is overcrowded and Furfur set zombies loose on Earth in back in 1941.