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thesilmarillionblog · 3 months

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𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part:𝟷𝟷

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, hurt, language, soft Soldier Boy, sensitive Reader, comfort, mention of drugs

Word Count: 4435

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

Sipping your whiskey, you looked out the window, listening to every sound as the gentle breeze entered the little room. Then, you sat down on the coach and switched on the television.

After you and Ben had spoken a little more and made it clear that you no longer wanted a romantic relationship with him, Ben had left the room, leaving you alone. You additionally stated that it would be best for you to put the past behind you and never bring it up again. After everything that had happened, you knew you had to start over, but before that, there were a lot of things you needed to take care of, including purifying your name, though you had no idea how to accomplish it.

When you informed him you no longer loved him, you could see his confusion and insecurity in his expression, and your own heart began to turn cold toward him. When he was trying to start over with you, maybe you should have been relieved or in a state of satisfaction, but that didn't make you feel any better.

Since you were the only person he had known for years, with whom he had intimate connections, and who was still loyal to him no matter what, it was obvious that he just wanted you by his side all the time. Ben didn't know the difference between romance and being teammates. He just loved the idea of someone being loyal to him until the end; it didn't matter to him if he loved that person or not.

He most likely believed that you would be the finest person to rely on for anything, whether it be a love connection or just someone to work with. It was the same thing for him.

He needed decades to get over his mistrust of you, but it also damaged yours for him. It didn't require lots of pain on your part to convince him that you still loved him back then.

After Ben had a quick shower, you heard that he was talking about other Payback members on the phone with Butcher. Being a superhuman with exceptional hearing in such situations was terrible; you couldn't stop listening to him even though you didn't want to concentrate on the noises he was making. You could hear every breath he took.

Ben went to the kitchen and started looking for something to eat, and you two exchanged an odd glance. You knew you were starving at that point.

He asked you softly as you got up and moved to his side, “Are you hungry too?”

You sighed and said, “Starving, actually,” giving up on finding an appropriate meal. “It seems Butcher lied about having everything we need here.”

“His lying ass will pay for that when he comes back,” he muttered as he showed you the spaghetti he found. “Guess we found something here.”

You sat on the chair and asked him, “Well, you know I can't cook, right?” raising an eyebrow in response. He was aware of your lack of enthusiasm for cooking because you were terrible at it.

Ben chucked lightly at you and added, “Unfortunately, I know that damn well. You would have killed me long ago if I weren't the most powerful being to have ever lived. You know, you're lucky to have me right now. It's time for the strongest supe to prepare some spaghetti for you. Others would die for such a chance.”

You rolled your eyes at his arrogance as he continued to compliment himself on his cooking skills. Ben was actually just as bad at cooking as you were, but you complimented him when he did it for you, simply to make him feel special and to reminisce about the joyful moments you two shared. He was just too ignorant back then to see this.

“Others would definitely die, but not because of the thing you're thinking,” you said to him as he appeared confused and unsure about what to do first. With that dead serious look on his face, he was almost funny.

With his rough beard, blue t-shirt, and gray sweatpants, he looked like someone else entirely—but in a good way. In some sense, he just seemed more manly and muscular. Ben had the most punchable face you could ever imagine, but he continued to act haughtily, knowing that no one would dare do such a thing and that he was unbeatable.

While he was adding water to the saucepan, he saw that you were staring at him and turned to face you, asking, “Why that look on your face?”

“What look?”

He muttered, “Don't know,” as he lit the stove.

At last, you said, “You just look different.”

Ben frowned at your word choice and turned to face you, waiting for the water to boil. “What do you mean by ‘different’?”

You examined the serious expression on his face, ignoring his closeness.

“I'm not sure; maybe it's because of your coarse beard,” you just said. “You've never grown a beard before,” as his palm caressed his face, and a small grin appeared on his face.

“I knew you liked it, though,” he remarked, eyeing you. “Don't be shy to admit it makes me look even more masculine and fine, though I'm already good enough at this, you know.”

Yet while you couldn't help but roll your eyes at his cockiness, you couldn't help but think it suited him better.

“Whatever you say,” you sighed at the table, his rough hands still lingering around yours. He was sketching abstract circles on the table with his fingers.

You looked up at his shield and moved toward it as Ben gazed upon you. You asked him if it was acceptable before touching his shield by glancing at him and whispering, “Is it okay?” When it came to his shield, he wasn't the most generous man. But occasionally, you lifted it when he wasn't around in the past. He didn't know that at the time.

He watched you and answered, “Of course,” crossing his arms across his chest. He had a small smile on his lips, and he thought you looked heartwarming with his shield under your hands. He knew he would give you whatever you wanted.

Inhaling nervously, your fingers touched his shield. It was best to see if there was something wrong with you by gripping his shield because you were feeling a little unsteady, as though your powers had become drained and weakened, and you weren't sure why. Some supes found listing this shield to be rather heavy as well, so it would be a good way to see if there was a serious issue.

You shivered as the shield seemed heavy this time when you lifted it while holding it firmly. It was still able to be lifted, but the weight was making your hands tremble a little, which wasn't something that had happened before. When your body could take no more, your face turned white, and you carefully dropped the shield on the ground.

Your body tensed up as your mind raced with thoughts, attempting to make sense of what was happening to your body. Was it something that transpired in the laboratory during your torture, or was there another reason? You were completely clueless. Ben had a side effect that may switch him into a live nuclear bomb whenever he gets angry, but you didn't realize you were losing strength because it appeared like part of your power had been taken away from you.

“You are aware that only you and I have the ability to lift that thing, aren't you? We are somewhat on the same level,” Ben remarked, sounding satisfied as he gave you a kind of proud grin and making it obvious that he was unaware of the situation.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, attempting to hide the dread in your voice. You weren't sure whether or not to discuss this with him. “I barely could lift it, though.”

When the water boiled, Ben stood up and said, “It looked good in your hands. Everything seems to be fine in your strong and little hands.”

Your face heated at his filthy words the moment he turned to face you and winked. Sitting back in the chair, you questioned, “Why does your brain always focus on filthy stuff?” The smell of spaghetti filled the air, making you feel even more crave it.

“Come on, I said absolutely nothing. It's really difficult to compliment a woman these days.”

“You're very considerate, Ben. I appreciate it,” you interrupted as you observed Ben carefully setting the table.

Ben believed that by doing anything for you, you would be able to see that he had changed over the years, and he truly meant it when he told you he wanted a start over. He knew he needed to make you feel good and show you how much you meant to him. You always appreciated it when he made an effort for you, even if it was just for one small thing. And Ben knew it was a lie when you told him you didn't love him anymore because he was aware of how much you really did love him. You were just in denial, that's all. Ben would make you see your own feelings soon enough.

You thanked Ben after enjoying your dinner in silence and were astonished to find he had done a nice job, but you kept that hidden from him.

You quietly uttered, “Ben,” remembering the uncomfortable situation involving your strength. “Can we have some training? just for practice?”

Ben raised an eyebrow, taken aback by your sudden desire to train with him like you had in the past. He kept getting thrilled, though, because he was continually thinking about how each one ended—on top of you, spilling within your pussy. He cleared his throat, trying not to think of those times of sweetness and heat that could change your opinion.

“Of course, but why? I assumed that once you left Vought, you quit training altogether.”

You immediately defended yourself by getting up and pushing the large coach to the other end of the room with ease, saying, “As you see, things changed. I was trapped in a tiny box for years, and I have no idea what tomorrow holds, so I need to have the ability to defend myself.”

Ben said in a serious voice, “I don't know how many times I need to say this, but nothing will happen to you as long as you stay with me; don't think about such meaningless things.” He then got up and immediately removed his blue shirt from his head and placed it on the chair.

While attempting to look away from his massive, muscular chest, you said, “Why do I feel like you are showing off?” He appeared notably more sculpted than before. It seems that as you grew weaker, he grew stronger. Nothing in life is fair to you.

When he was standing in front of you, just in his gray sweatpants, you didn't back down. To your surprise, as you tried not to lose yourself in his gaze, he stared at you sincerely, as though he genuinely wanted you to know you were safe in his care. You would believe him if he hadn't hurt you that much.

You took a big breath, attempted to seem confident and optimistic, and mumbled, “Okay, do your best. Punch me.”

Ben stiffened while you awaited his attack. Despite pushing you to your limits during your training, he never physically attacked you. When he realized you were genuinely waiting for him to use force, he became uneasy.

“What?” he questioned, sounding enraged at your apparent seriousness. “I won't fucking punch you or something.”

You put your hands on your hips and teased him, asking, “Who is acting like a pussy now? Will we train properly or not?”

He admitted that you were someone who was sometimes difficult and took a deep breath to attempt to find the right words to say without hurting your feelings. “You can't convince me to beat or punch you; that's where I draw the line. End of discussion.”

You started to become irritated with the way he was treating you, acting as though you might break and like a doll, so you asked, “Why don't you have some respect for me?” His shield felt weighty under your palms, making your nerves already tense. “You betrayed me, abandoned me, and now you're calling the shots? You're extremely kind to do that.”

You desired you were the deadliest poison right then and there, drenched in his blood.

He answered in a rough voice, “I do respect you,” trying not to offend you while ignoring the bitterness in your voice. “However, I won't hit you.”

To show him how serious you were, you gently pushed him across the room by his chest with a swift move. You were aware that in order for him to fully understand what was wrong with you without revealing anything to him, you had to push him as far as he would go.

You both exchanged looks as you noticed the enormous hole in the wall where Ben's nude back had hit. “Look, what have you done to the home of that cocksucker?” Ben said, obviously taken aback by your abrupt aggression, as he wiped the dust off himself. You could argue that instead of being upset about it, he gave you a sly glance that sent shivers down your spine.

He said, “What would he think of if he saw the wall, huh?” as he stood in front of you.”Would he think that we had primal, animal-like sex? That I fucked you raw?”

You moved again to push him back against the same wall as your eyes grew wide at the pure filth coming from his mouth. But this time, he was prepared and quickly stopped your hand by palming your fist. He then gave you an evil smile, as if he wanted you to realize that he remained the strongest supe.

“All right, show me what you can do, and let's see if you're still a good girl,” he groaned as he effortlessly stopped all of your attacks.

You were making a lot of effort to hit him in the face, but you were consistently failing. Compared to your previous trainings, Ben was much harsher this time, or perhaps you weren't good enough for a proper training. You tried to move fast and step up your strikes, not wanting to give up, this time focusing on his legs.

“You seem like a pretty tough one today, don't you?” You were trying your hardest to punch him when he teased you, but you were even more enraged because he seemed quite thrilled. “Do you remember how our training used to end once?”

As you grasped one of his muscular wrists and ultimately hit his stomach, you nodded and acknowledged that it had all happened "once." Despite your best efforts to control your breathing and not give him any indication that you were weak, you were already exhausted from trying to harm him and witnessing how much worse your powers had gotten.

He murmured softly, “There's something wrong with you,” and you succeeded in bringing him to the ground. He frowned his eyebrows, trying to figure out whether your lack of energy was the cause or something else.

You didn’t answer and he caught your wrist on the air and made you freeze on top of him, adding, “Are you really attacking?”

Ben was surprised by your lack of strength, even though he knew he was stronger than you, because there had never been such a large power imbalance in your training sessions. It seemed like you weren't giving it your all.

You muttered in a harsh tone, “I am,” attempting to get free of his tight hold. “I guess you've become somewhat more powerful.”

“No,” he said right away, perplexed by your lack of energy. The only thing that altered in him was the energy that was concealed beneath his skin and that would surface when he heard a Russian song or felt extremely angry. “Perhaps you need to get some sleep in order to grow stronger. You appear to be a little worn out here.”

Ben felt his heart melt as he understood that you needed more sleep and rest and that this wasn't the perfect moment to train at all. He should have given you more time. His hands loosened as guilt filled his body.

His harsh voice said, “You should be resting,” which briefly caused you to freeze. For the first time, he had finished the game so quickly on his own.

You attempted to punch Ben again by straddling him, but this time Ben didn't back down, so he changed your position; he was on top of you with ease, revealing his full strength. Ben wanted to stop you and give you time to regain your breath, but you were determined to fix whatever was broken inside of you.

You finally gave up after trying your hardest to unbalance him and free yourself, but he grabbed both of your hands and placed them on your head while examining every inch of your body with concern. You attempted to seem hopeful even though you were about to cry. Perhaps he was right. You were just pushing yourself a little too hard, and you needed to rest a little more.

Ben surprised you both by not making another dirty joke and by releasing your hands so you could both stand up.

When he saw that your face had fallen, he questioned, “Are you okay?” and lightly patted your arm. He forced himself to restrain himself from touching your face or anywhere else.

“Yeah,” you quickly nodded to him and straightened your t-shirt.

“Just try not to give it too much thought. You're being a little too hard on yourself. If you get enough sleep, everything will be fine.”

You whispered, “Perhaps,” as you massaged your hurting head. “I guess I should take a shower now.”

You heard Butcher's car approaching, and you and Ben exchanged looks. Your superior hearing skills were still working, at least.

Ben said, “He must have brought the stuff I told him to,” as he watched you enter the bathroom.

With the packages clenched in his hands, Butcher entered the house and peered at the big crack and break in the wall. The ground was covered in rubble and dust.

Ben violently grabbed everything from Butcher's hand and relived his seeing all with weed, cocaine, and fast food there. If he hadn't brought some, he would have had to kick that sucker's annoying face.

“Fuck me, for God's sake. How in the world has this happened? How is your teammate doing? Where is she?” Butcher questioned, gazing at Ben's bare chest, which was lightly dusty. Observing your absence, he patiently awaited a response.

“Fucking calm,” Ben said, rolling his eyes over Butcher's worried voice and giving him a wink. “She is in the bathroom, cleaning up.”

“And what did you two do here?” Butcher's hands brushed the wall, and he lingered around the gaps as he asked in a gruff manner.

Ben had already begun smoking weed, while Butcher continued to swear and talk about how bad the situation at the house was.

Butcher sat in the closest chair, his hands in his pockets. “This place smells like babymakers. I hope you're having a great time on your vacation, or should I say 'honeymoon.'”

Ben sighed, “I will start to enjoy it when you bring some good, strong shit,” as Butcher gave him one of his nasty smirks.

“Sorry, it's a bit hard to satisfy you, darling,” he smiled.

Ben murmured, “Fuck off,” and grabbed a drink out of one of the pockets while listening to you take a shower.

“Since you two won't be living here for very long, could you kindly do as you wish as humans without ruining the house? How in the world am I expected to pay for that?”

Ben growled, puffing on a joint and flexing his big muscles. “Do I look like I give a fuck? When I call you, answer the phone and get the fuck out of here already.”

“Don't call me every second like we are lovers,” Butcher teased him, grinning. “I have too many people to look after.”

Ben started cursing Butcher, telling him to choke on sucking Hughie's balls.

You finished your shower, put whatever you found in the wardrobe, and stood in front of the window to take in some fresh air while thinking back on the half-hour training session you had with Ben. Listening to him while he fired Butcher from the house, you acknowledged that there was an obvious difference between your training in the past and the present and that you had become weaker. You witnessed how perplexed Ben was when he realized it as well.

You made an effort to remember everything, including whether the scientists had altered your genetic code or, worse, restored your full potential, but you were unable to recall your memory. Would they not also do the same to Ben if it were possible? Or perhaps your body was not strong enough to withstand it.

You tried not to cry since you were anxious and frightened, but tears still came down your cheeks. At that time, it didn't matter if Ben heard you crying or not. He was, after all, the cause of everything that happened to you.

As you kept crying in front of the window, you heard Ben tapping on your door. He opened the door regardless of whether you hadn't told him to go inside.

“What's wrong?” Ben approached you and asked in a curious tone. “Is it because of the training?”

You never said anything; you just cried and nodded at him when he brought it up.

“Come on,” he murmured, gently brushing your arms. “You did quite well. It's only that your body requires time and rest because you haven't moved an inch in decades.”

Ben tried to calm you as much as he could, but he saw that you weren't feeling better and kept staring outside. He added, giving a compassionate smile to you, “You're still a badass; nothing has changed. You ruined the entire house by pushing me against the wall with such force. It's obvious that you're stressed out, which is why you're not feeling like in the old days.”

As he attempted to lighten the situation, you finally murmured, gazing into his green eyes through your weeping ones. “I couldn't lift up your shield.”

Ben's eyes softened seeing you open yourself up about your abilities. It had never been a problem before, and he had assumed that, in contrast to him, you weren't particularly obsessed with power or supe stuff.

“Even the other supes couldn't lift it.” He smiled at you and added, “Remember the TNT twins? They couldn't even lift it an inch when I ordered them to.” He hoped this would help ease your discomfort.

“No,” you murmured in between sobs, unable to stop yourself from crying and seeking the right words to express to him what precisely you were going through. “When you weren't around, I could lift it with ease and without even using a lot of force, but suddenly, today it felt heavy for the first time. There's a problem with me.”

You wanted to talk to him about how worried you were right then, even if you weren't sure why.

When you told Ben the truth, his face fell, and he gave you a warm embrace while massaging your back and wet hair, not sure how to respond. This time, you didn't ignore him and instead allowed him to comfort you.

He whispered, “I'm sure it's nothing serious,” as if he needed to reassure himself first. “Being a supe is not something you can suddenly stop being after decades. No one can take your powers from you.”

“We'll continue those trainings, so you'll improve, I promise. You're aware that you must work your body. You're pushing yourself too much and forgetting that I'm the baddest supe—the one you're training with.”

You questioned, as though he were somewhat knowledgeable, “What if I'm getting weaker or they have done something to me in the lab that I can't remember? Could it be a side effect of mine?”

Ben's mind was racing with possibilities as he gave you an even tighter hug. “You wouldn't even be a supe anymore, and they could have done the same to me already, if it was ever possible.” He put his chin on your head and wrapped his massive arms over your entire body, whispering, “Don't say or think of such things.”

You said, “I need to be able to defend myself. Without assistance from anyone at all, including you. What should I do if you are mistaken? How long would it take me to adjust to being a regular human when it took me years to become accustomed to being a supe?”

Ben wanted to reassure you that you were all safe with him, but he realized you didn't need to hear that just then.

Ben caressed your wet cheeks with his powerful hands and murmured, “I won't let that happen,” looking intensely into your eyes. You trusted him in that vulnerable moment because he seemed so sincere and confident. “I'll fix everything, and you'll be alright with me.”

Next Chapter

A/N: I don’t know why, but I suffered a lot writing this chapter.

Comments and reblogs are very appreciated!

*Losing You series masterlist is here and here is my main masterlist.

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