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imtryingmybeskar · 1 year

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Come Home Chapter 5

Joel Miller x F!Reader.

Angsty slow burn. Your first day in Jackson goes as well as expected. Word count 3255.

Warnings for descriptions of the effects of PTSD and battling panic attacks (these are PURELY based on my own personal experiences).

I had to split this chapter into two so Joel isn't here much, but from next chapter he will be very present. Thank you for reading and sticking with it!

Come Home

Chapter Five - Asphyxiated

Welcome warmth hits your face as the girl pushes the door of the town’s watering hole open, and you stamp your boots free of snow and slush before crossing the threshold.

The Tipsy Bison is an old fashioned, homespun kind of place. With its mix of wood panelled and stone walls, decorative antlers and soft, yellow lighting it could be straight out of an old Western - although thankfully the low level of chatter does not fall to silence as you enter. There are more than a few curious glances directed your way, though. The girl seems not to notice and makes a beeline straight for Maria who is talking with someone - presumably the barman, given that he is behind the bar and polishing glasses with a dishcloth. He is an older man with a shock of white hair and a dour expression.

“-you’ll be okay to do that, Seth?” you hear Maria ask as you approach. The barman nods once, firmly and then jerks his head extremely unsubtly toward you, clearly warning her of your approach. They were discussing something to do with you then. Or the group you came in with. It didn’t really matter. You were planning to stay well out of the politics and machinations of this place.

Maria turns to you, a tiny smile curling the edges of her mouth. “How’s it going?” she enquires, supremely unconcerned that she has been caught talking about you.

“Good. Weird. The Christmas tree. Is weird.” You sound like an idiot to your own ears, unable to form a proper sentence, but Maria takes it in her stride.

“Guess it is if you’ve not seen one in a while,” she concedes gracefully. “Have you had a look around elsewhere? Seen anywhere you might want to sleep other than the barn tonight?”

“Uh…yeah. I think. There’s those houses down near the cemetery-“

“Oh shit! That’s where I live!” interjects the girl excitedly. You can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.

“You like it there?” you ask.

“Its ok,” she replies, tempering her early exuberance with a now-casual air. “Not too many people around. I like it that way.”

“Me too,” you confess. “So I think I’d like to take one of those houses…if that’s okay with you,” you add hastily, talking to Maria this time.

She nods. “Joel said you might be asking about a house round there-“ she begins. The girl interrupts her, speaking to you and sounding excited once more.

“You spoke to Joel?”

“She sure did.” That voice again. Deep and dark and threatening to drown you in its sin. You peer past Maria toward the end of the bar and how did you not spot him before? That imposing form was still mightily broad even when it was stood mostly out of sight behind a wooden pillar. Now that you had noticed him, you saw that half smile make an appearance again and he raised a mug of something hot in a gentle toast in your direction. “Told ya I’d put in a good word,” he grins.

So. He’s Joel. And when the girl approaches him to talk and playfully punches him on the arm in response to some quiet remark he makes, you hear him call her Ellie. Joel and Ellie. Your new neighbours. They seem to be very friendly together and you wonder if they too are family.

As promised, you’re able to get some food from the bar, though when faced with the prospect of actually drinking alcohol you swiftly go off the idea. Better to keep your wits about you, especially so soon after arriving. Everyone seems happy and well-adjusted here, but you can never really tell. When you ask Maria how you would go about paying for what you’ve eaten the discussion evolves into talking about what you would be willing to do to contribute to Jackson and what skills you can offer.

“I’m a good cook,” you shrug. “And I can knit. I’ve never farmed before, but I had quite the flourishing garden growing once upon a time. I’m not afraid to explore and map places. And I can kill infected.”

Movement catches your eye as Ellie departs, and you return her brief wave with a smile as she heads back outside into the freezing afternoon. Your eyes slide back over to Joel to find him looking pensive but happy, now sitting at the bar and staring into the depths of his mug as he swirls its contents around.

“We’ll trial you with a scouting group for now.” Maria’s voice breaks into your thoughts and your attention snaps back to her. “If all goes well you can be paired with someone and they can show you the trails we keep clear and the outposts we have. We never go out solo. Always at least two. But for now, we want you to settle in. Rest. Recuperate. Get your strength up. So eat. Please.”

You do as you’re told, savouring the steaming bowl of winter vegetable soup and thick slices of fresh bread. Appetite - as opposed to hunger - was something you thought had been cut off, left behind somewhere as you travelled across the wasteland of what once was. But in this setting you could feel yourself relax and begin to actually enjoy what was in front of you. Maybe it was just the novelty of not eating the contents of a tin for once.

As you eat, Maria continues to speak. “Once you’re done we’ll get you sorted with some fresh linen, towels, clothes, food, toiletries. The basics. I’d like for us to check in with each other once a day for the first week or so. Just to see how you’re settling in.”

To your surprise hearing this offer brings a tightening of your throat. It sounds…genuine. Like this woman actually gives a shit about your wellbeing even though she just met you. You swallow the lump away and tune back into what she’s saying. “-could just check in with Joel if you want. He’ll look out for you.”

Upon hearing his name you sneak yet another look over only to find the space vacant, the only sign he was ever there at all the mug left on the bar. A brief brush of disappointment hits you before you pull yourself together to focus on the conversation.

“He mentioned the garage,” you interject. “I mean, he mentioned someone lives in his garage. That they made it into a living space. If its possible I’d like to do something similar.”

“What you do with your house is your business,” Maria replies, and though the words are abrupt, the tone is soft. “Joel’s garage had been remodelled before everything went sideways. We just had to clean it up. If you want to remodel too, feel free. As long as it doesn’t interfere with whatever work you’re assigned.”

Your heart sinks a little at her words. Maria notices but misunderstands. “Hey, those houses are really nice,” she says, smiling encouragingly. “I’m sure you’ll be happy in whichever once you choose. And if you need a DIY project to keep you busy, there are plenty of people in this town who would be happy to help.”

All too soon you’re standing back in the cold, on the porch of a beautiful two storey house, indistinguishable from the other two storey houses in the neighbourhood except for yours has a coat of relatively fresh green paint over its timbered front. When you touch a gloved hand to it and give Maria a questioning look, she shrugs.

“Other people sometimes need DIY projects to keep busy too. Its why we have a pool of empty houses so readily available. Not everyone feels comfortable going outside the walls. So they keep busy inside them.” She opens the door and you step inside.

Its…a lot. And yet not enough. You’ve raided plenty of houses for supplies over the past twenty years. Most of them were decrepit or broken in some way, a few stood tall, layers of grime and cobwebs the only clue to the time that had passed. This one is clean and tidy, though it still smells a little like dust and disuse.

An open plan living room is to your left and you can see where the wooden floor turns to pale kitchen tile beyond. To your right and through a doorway is what was once presumably a dining room, though its table and chairs are notable by their absence. Some mismatched and basic furniture has been supplied – a peach coloured couch, two dark blue squashy looking chairs, a small wooden coffee table, a few lamps resting on various surfaces, a bookcase with some pre-chosen literature on it. An open fireplace is against one wall, a stack of chopped wood waiting next to it. Stairs directly ahead of you lead up to the next floor and you can feel the weight of the empty rooms up there, each doorway leading to a black rectangle of the unknown –

“You okay?” Maria’s question is brief but loaded with meaning. You inhale deeply and do your best to release your fears along with your breath.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m good. Its just going to take a while to get used to this again. I haven’t lived alone since…I-I mean I haven’t lived in a proper house since…” You trail off for a second time, both unwilling and unable to complete the thought paths necessary to finish your sentences.

“Joel and Ellie are right next door,” Maria says comfortingly. “Go to them if it gets difficult. You have my permission.” You were right. They are family.

“Don’t I need Joel and Ellie’s permission?” you joke weakly.

“Didn’t I tell you I was in charge?” she jokes back. “Come, look.”

She steps back on to the porch and points at the white-painted building next to yours. You had recognised the property earlier as the one Joel had emerged from when you had been exploring and would be lying to yourself if you said that the green paint was the only thing that had attracted you to this particular house. Wanting to be away from people didn’t mean you wanted to be completely alone. The four years spent with Chris had sometimes actually been fun in between the struggle for survival. Before that…well you knew you didn’t want to go back to a completely solitary existence.

“Right next door,” Maria repeats, and you nod as you try to quell the nerves in your stomach. They only get worse when she departs, holding an arm up in a farewell before she disappears back into the centre of Jackson. You close the door, but can’t seem to release the handle afterwards, standing there with your forehead pressed against the cool wood, eyes closed and trying to breathe normally.

A whole house. A real house. Of your own. Not a tiny cabin, or a barricaded room, or a tent exposed to the elements, or a hastily made camp in an old office building, or an abandoned military truck. A house.

A home?

Exhaling a shaky breath you finally turn your back to the door and slump against it as you survey your tiny kingdom. No, not a home. But a safe place to eat and sleep, and that was a good start on one. Before you step away from the door, you bolt and lock everything that can be bolted and locked. Just in case.

The pale, washed out grey of the winter afternoon sun was now struggling to pierce the gloom of the interior and though you could still just about see, the kitchen was starting to look decidedly shadowy. As if drawn by some unseen entity, your eyes once more travel upward. Where the stairs begin to reject the fading light and transmute into pure blackness…

With a shudder, you tear your gaze away and step further into the living room. Your breath is coming faster again and you realise that the darkening space around you is starting to feel suffocating and absolutely unbearable. Hurriedly, you rush to the kitchen to lock up the back door too, switching the lamps on as you go and checking every window is secure before closing the curtains against the outside world. You close the door to the dining room too, but only once you have checked inside it. It wasn’t likely that a bloater was lurking undetected, but at least now you knew for sure.

You build the fire, for something to do as much as to ward away the cold, and while its settling into the grate you make some…well tea is perhaps too strong a word for the weak brew you manage to eke out of the tiny bit of dried peppermint that you allow yourself to use from the supplies you have been gifted. But you make it on the hob, not over a fire, and the novelty of that is enough to keep the shadows at bay a little while longer.

Unpacking is another good distraction - putting the tins in the cupboards, the perishables(!) in the fridge(!!) and putting the toiletries off to one side, trying once more to ignore the stairs, the thought of a whole other floor of the house, and the inevitable time when you would have to go up there.

It loomed but somehow also lurked. The rooms. The darkness…Nope. Not going there. Not thinking about that. Just focus on the tea. The tea and the fire and a sofa and a book. Like a human being and not a cowering, broken thing.

And after a couple of hours of relative peace, once your bladder is painful and can no longer be ignored, you stand at the foot of those stairs and again stare up into the unknown. Your gun is now in its customary place at your hip. The biggest kitchen knife you could find is in your hand. The small torch you use to explore the world outside Jackson is affixed to your shirt.

A large part of you knows that this is foolish, that this house would have been cleared and checked not just once but many times over. The person who painted it, the person who ensured the plumbing and the electrics worked, the person who placed those books on the bookcase, the person who swept the dust from the floor – all of them moved through here. All of them would have noticed infected roaming around. Hell, Joel and Ellie have lived around here for a while and you doubted they would put up with neighbours like that for long.

And yet you know you won’t be able to sleep until you’ve checked every room yourself. Until you’re certain that the noises that have occasionally broken into your concentration are of the house settling and not footsteps. It is foolish. But it will hopefully bring a certain peace of mind that you desperately need.

The first creaking step up sends an unpleasant tingle across your scalp, goosebumps erupting across your skin as you force away the feeling of wrongness you’re battling. You force yourself to move. One more step. Another. You trail your fingers along the wall, the feeling of stippled paint under your fingertips the slimmest of tethers to reality. The light behind you is fading and ahead your world narrows to the powerful beam of your torch - your only guiding light. The thoughts running through your mind become clipped as you try to quell the feeling of nauseous panic that is threatening to overtake you.

A little further.

Nothing wrong.

Your house.

No one else here.

Of course, the upstairs was entirely ordinary. Old world ordinary true, but nothing was hiding in the shadows or tried to eat or shoot you. As soon as you reach the top landing you lean across to flick the light switch, noting the five doors that are now illuminated by the sickly yellow light coming from behind the ancient lampshade - three ajar, two closed.

The one directly in front of you is a bathroom – you can see the tell-tale gleam of white porcelain within. The two doors to your left lead into bedrooms where you can see carpets and beds and dressers and all the other furnishings you would expect. You explore them as thoroughly as you had the dining room and discover the hitherto unseen ensuite that resides in one of them, before drawing their curtains and closing their doors, your mind only a little less frantic than before.

That left two.

The first is easy - the set of slatted double doors gives it away. A closet with some random detritus inside – an ironing board leaning against one wall, a pathetic looking abandoned scarf draped across a hanger, some old cardboard boxes that you have no intention of looking in.

Then there was one.

Your hand hovers over that doorknob for seconds that pass to minutes.

The corridor

No.

The endless black.

No!

The thin beam of light from your torch when you flicked it on, barely even able to illuminate a halo around what is closest to you.

Nonono!

The shine. The gleam of light on the remnants of gloss paint and broken glass in the door ahead-

NO!

You wrench your shaking hand away and pound back downstairs to the merrily blazing fire, throwing yourself face first into the soft embrace of the sofa, heart racing as you stare into the orange of the crackling flames as if they could burn your memories away through your eyes. Two words run through your mind, trying to blank out the encroaching terror.

Nothingtherenothingtherenothingtherenothingthere

Eventually you control your breathing. Eventually your heart rate reduces and you don’t feel as if you might keel over at any moment, though your mind is still numbly racing. You had lived out there. With the monsters and the bandits and the cannibals and the warlords. So why did this somehow feel worse?

Distantly, as though it was coming through a barrier of water, you hear a knock at the door.

Well, it was more of a brash thumping really. As if the person had been there a while and was getting impatient with being on the wrong side of it.

You lie there, momentarily frozen in the throes of your previous fear. Who could want to see you mere hours after you’d moved in?

Another, louder, round of thumping finally snaps you free of the paralysis. Pushing yourself up to a vertical position, you manage to stand on shaky legs. You decide that its probably Maria coming to check on how you’re settling in.

The thumping starts up again but swiftly abates once you begin the process of unbolting and unlocking the door. What could you say to her? That you were fine? That you had tea and a book and were warm and that all of that was objectively wonderful? That in reality it only served to make you feel more dead inside because you were also freaking out over doors and shadows, trying desperately to stave off another panic attack? No. Tell her what she wants to hear and then…then you can think about just getting through the night.

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As you pull the door open, you attempt to plaster a smile on your face to give credence to the lies you’re about to say. Instead it freezes into a rictus grin as you come face to face with deep brown eyes and shaggy dark waves.

Next chapter

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fabriciuschristian88 · 3 months

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Ruthless Gold Methods Exploited

Rory Keenan as Donal Henry (sequence 2), a spy who labored for the Irregulars in opposition to the Professional-Treaty IRA. This operation was completed by the top of 1919, when solely 218,000 paper pesos remained outstanding. Consequently, unlike https://speedgh.com/index.php?page=user&action=pub_profile&id=772378 in Britain, agriculture in Bengal remained the province of the subsistence farming of innumerable small paddy fields. The gang comes to the attention of Major Chester Campbell, a detective chief inspector in the Royal Irish Constabulary despatched over by Winston Churchill from Belfast, where he had been despatched to clean up the city of the Irish Republican Army flying columns, the Communist Social gathering of Great Britain, street gangs, and customary criminals. A key occasion shown is the wrestle to enact the Jay Treaty with Britain, which Adams himself must ratify before a deadlocked Senate (although traditionally his vote was not required).

The U.S. Senate passed Resolution 277, which asked Inside Secretary Albert Fall and Navy Secretary Edwin Denby to confirm or deny reports that leases on the federal government-owned oil reserves had been granted with out notice. Board Chairman Albert Lasker mentioned that the new name had been selected at the urging of two different shipping commissioners, both Democrats, who mentioned that incumbent President Warren G. Harding "had accomplished more than every other one man" to construct the United States Service provider Marine fleet. Reverse: Determine: a pomegranate, centered (from the title of the Viceroyalty, "Granada" that means "pomegranate").

The unique Celtics, based mostly in New York City, won the championship playoff of the premier professional basketball circuit in the U.S. Booth made his first skilled appearance as a member of the Old Vic firm in a production of Timon of Athens (1956) with Ralph Richardson. These included his look in the flop stage musical Twang! Huddersfield City defeated Preston North Finish, 1-0 in the FA Cup Remaining at Stamford Bridge. There was ira with gold , therefore, that the Supreme Courtroom and the Sadr Adālats would act in opposition to one another and, predictably, many disputes resulted.

It was advised, therefore, that three experimental traces be constructed and their performance evaluated. His really useful trunk lines included the next ones: (i) from Calcutta, in the Bengal Presidency, on the japanese coast to Lahore in the north-western region of the Punjab, annexed simply three years before; (ii) from Agra in north-central India (in, what was nonetheless being referred to as North-Western Provinces) to Bombay city on the western coast; (iii) from Bombay to Madras city on the southeastern coast; and (iv) from Madras to the southwestern Malabar coast (see map above). https://www.africainsocial.online/blog/291808/purchase-1-gram-palladium-bar-purchase-gold-bullion/ have been killed in disturbances in Belfast. Sam Neill as Chief Inspector/Major Chester Campbell (collection 1-2), an Ulster Protestant policeman drafted from Belfast. Charlene McKenna as Laura McKee/ Captain Swing (collection 6; visitor series 5), an IRA leader from Belfast. gold ira companies as Micky Gibbs (collection 5), barman of The Garrison pub. Ned Dennehy as Charlie Sturdy, proprietor of a boatyard and an uncle determine to the Shelby siblings.

#best gold ira

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macamadamia · 7 months

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A Bet over a Game of Pool

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51611989

Ship: Soulless Sam Winchester/Sex Worker Dean Winchester

Rating: Explicit

Total Word Count: 1,759

When he went to Stanford he severed nearly all ties to his family and stopped being Sammy Winchester, brother and son, and became Samuel Wesson, Harvard graduate and junior law partner. His colleagues at the firm call him Soulless Sam behind his back. He’s come to this bar out in the boonies, slumming it and looking to blow off steam, and there’s only one man he’s interested in. Dean.

The bar is just the other side of seedy, and not the usual place Sam Wesson, youngest junior partner in the firm’s history and current star on the rise at Crowley Black and Adler, would usually choose to hang out.

The floor sticks to the soles of his loafers, and even though he’s dressed down for the night, the jeans and button up shirt he’s wearing cost more than most of the cars parked haphazardly in the badly lit lot outside.

He looks as out of place as he feels, but it’s the kind of place where you don’t pay too much attention to the people around you, so you don’t have any details to give the cops when they come asking questions.

It’s the kind of place Sam might have been at home in back before Stanford, before Harvard. Before he severed almost all ties with his past and stopped being John Winchester’s biggest disappointment, stopped being Sammy Winchester with the floppy hair and goodwill clothes, and became Samuel Wesson, top graduate in his class and most likely to end up a Justice of the Supreme Court.

In earshot, his colleagues call him the wunderkind and toast his successes, but he knows what they say about him behind his back and behind closed doors, and he knows what they actually think of him. He doesn’t spare it a thought though, he’s not out to make friends and there are worse things to be known as than Soulless Sam.

Sam weaves his way through a haze of alcohol fumes, low lighting, and the heavy thump-thump of swampy stomp music, heading towards the bar. A woman twice his age and then some stops him with a hand on his chest, long blood-red fingernails tapping to the beat of the music as she leans into his space with a smile and a husky-voiced proposition.

“You wanna go have some fun, dearie?” She’s probably aiming for seductive, but misses and hits predatory instead, pairing it with sharp eyes that sweep him from head to toe.

Sam lifts her hand, placing it back by her side. “Not tonight, you don’t have what I’m looking for.”

Her eyes narrow for a second, then she laughs, deep and throaty. “You’ll be wanting our Dean, then, dearie. Play nice with him, he’s a good boy.” She nods towards the bar.

Towards Dean.

He’s angled towards him, sipping from a bottle and watching the crowd, and Sam takes a moment to drink in the sight from a distance.

Heavy boots and dark jeans, ripped at the knees and thigh. Ripped Led Zep t-shirt and a flannel tied around his waist, black tattoo curling up over the top of his t-shirt towards his neck and down his arm towards his hand.

When he clocks Sam watching, he lifts his bottle and toasts him from across the room.

Sam weaves through the crowd, pulled toward Dean like a compass needle to north.

He’s only a few years older than Sam and it was clear he’d been a pretty boy once upon a time, a decade and a half of hard living had left a toll on his features. There are lines on his face, a scar on his forehead, and no softness in the glint of his eyes or the hard set of mouth.

“You lookin’ for a good time, kid?” he drawls, leaning back against the bar on his elbows. Sam’s eyes are drawn to the bare strip of skin visible above the low-slung jeans as his t-shirt rides up.

“I’m always up for a good time, if I like the company.”

Dean places his empty bottle on the bar, signalling for the barman. “Buy me a beer, and we can have some fun.” He slides off the bar stool and winds his way through the middle of the dance floor, heading towards the pool tables in the back.

Sam pays the barman – cash only, on this little trip out to the boonies – and follows. His eyes on Dean, he feels a stir of anger as someone on the densely packed floor reaches out and grabs Dean’s wrist as he passes. Words are exchanged, too far away to be heard, but Dean’s laughter rings out and reaches his ears. He grinds up against the unknown dancer for a few seconds, while hands grope his ass and chest.

Another flurry of hushed words and money changes hands. He throws a wink over his shoulder as he leaves, beckoning Sam to follow.

Sam seeks out the handsy dancer on his way through the crowd but can’t make them out. It’s probably for the best, his desire to snap fingers and wrist bones is simmering beneath an oily film of jealousy.

When he finally reaches the pool tables, Dean his bent over racking the balls. He doesn’t even flinch when Sam presses against his ass, leaning over and bracketing him against the table, and licks a stripe up the side of his neck.

“I didn’t like that little performance, Dean.” He bites collarbone, hard. “I don’t want to see it again.”

“Jealous much, Sammy?”

Sam grabs a handful of Dean’s hair, pulling his head to one side in a painful grip. “It’s Sam. Don’t call me Sammy.”

Dean meets his look, an emotion flashing across his eyes that’s close enough to fear to cause Sam’s cock to stir, and nods. “Sure thing, Sam.”

Sam releases his grip and slaps Dean’s ass. “Let’s play some pool.”

Dean plays like a hustler, even when he’s playing against Sam who’s seen every trick in his book. The dollars they play for as so low that Sam barely considers them stakes, but he knows that Dean’s mind is calculating, counting every nickel and dime, and weighing it up against the cost of rent, and food, and fuel.

Sam also knows that the watch he wears, on its own, would pay a full year’s the rent on whatever shitbox apartment Dean’s living in. If he hasn’t gone back to living in his car, that is. He wouldn’t know, he doesn’t ask questions and he doesn’t care about the answer.

Dean is winning when he puts his watch on the table, and Sam thinks there’s something obscene about the five-figure watch lying on a pile of ones and fives, but Dean doesn’t seem to notice. He’s been hustling pool for as long as Sam can remember, not even the great John Winchester himself could beat Dean when he didn’t want to lose.

He’s still winning when he offers Sam offers double or nothing. He accepts, aware Dean has no way of meeting the bet.

Dean loses the very next game.

Sam takes his watch back, slips it back over his wrist, and pockets the notes and change. “You owe me just about $45,000.” He steps into Dean’s personal space. “Just how do you plan on paying me, Dean?”

His brother laughs, low and throaty. “How about I pay you back with goods and services.” He puts a hand on Sam’s cheek, drawing him into a deep kiss. Sam quickly takes control, chasing Dean’s mouth, a hand behind his head to hold him in place. It’s rough and violent, and they only break apart when Sam allows it.

“You might be a good whore, Dean, but you’re not forty-five grand worth of ass.”

Again, something shifts behind Dean’s eyes, and Sam savours it, before he covers it with a lascivious grin. “Call it an instalment plan.”

There’s a fire door leading to the alley behind the bar, and Dean shoulders his way through it without looking back, clearly confident that Sam will follow.

He does.

Dean is waiting for him on the other side and pulls him towards a darkened corner. Out here, the low thump-thump of the music from the bar rides on warm and muggy air. The alleyway stinks with the smell of garbage and piss, and other odours Sam doesn’t want to think about.

He’ll have to send his shoes out to be cleaned when he gets home.

He drops to his knees, heedless of the dirt and filth on the ground, one hand grabbing at Sam’s belt and pulling him closer. Seeing Dean kneeling in front of him, green eyes looking up at him through his once-upon-a-time pretty boy lashes, his tongue flicking across his bow mouth, is enough to send Sam teetering towards the edge.

Dean’s hands are deft and expert on his belt buckle, the button and zip on his slacks, and Sam groans as he pulls his fully erect cock out. Dean licks a strip up the underside, his tongue lingering on the tip, teasing at the slit.

Sam leans forward, one hand against the wall, one hand digging into Dean’s hair. He gasps the words out, “No hands, Dean.” Dean obeys, hands behind his back, right wrist gripping the left.

They make eye contact and Dean offers him a wink before he takes his cock in his mouth. His tongue swirls before he swallows it down, his nose pressing against Sam’s pubic hair. His throat works for a few moments, and he never breaks eye contact as he slowly releases Sam’s cock until it pops out of his mouth, a string of saliva connecting them.

He mouths at Sam’s balls, taking each one in his mouth in turn while Sam’s cock drags against the flesh of his face, leaving a sticky trail of precum and saliva in its wake. Dean moves back to his cock, head bobbing as he draws it in and out of his mouth, drawing it deeper and deeper each time he comes up for breath.

Sam tangled a fist into Dean’s hair, and pushes his hips forward, taking control. Dean lets him set the pace. It’s rough and brutal, and leaves Dean struggling for air.

He pulls out at the last moment, wrenching Dean’s head back and shooting strands of cum onto his face. It coats his eyelashes, the freckles across his face, his hair.

Dean is still kneeling on the ground, drawing in deep and shuddering breaths, while Sam pulls his slacks up, buttoning them and buckling his belt. He pulls a money clip out of his pocket and peels a twenty out. He drops it at the ground between Dean’s knees.

Dean snatches the $20 note up and stuffs it into his pocket, before pulling out a tissue and wiping his face. His voice is hoarse, but he manages to shout out “See you next time, Sammy!” as his brother leaves the alleyway.

#supernatural #wincest #soulless sam #ao3 author #fanfic #macamadamia's fanfics #please heed the warnings #dead dove do not eat #wincest wednesday

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vocesincaput-arc · 10 months

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@bellzof liked for a starter [x]

Walking into the The Resurrectionist, Gabriels lips immediately curled into a smile that surprised him with how warm it was. He wasn't sure what the feeling the thought of the meeting gave him, not that he understood feelings at all, but it didn't seem to feel unpleasant. If that was the right word.

The Supreme Archangel had also found himself counting down the time to their meetings. Was this... enjoyment? They weren't sure.

He walked further in, the smile growing slightly when he saw Beelzebub sat within a booth towards the back of the pub. Gabriel ordered himself a glass of whatever the barman recommended before making his way to sit down at the table next to the demon.

"Beelzebub."

#ic #muse: gabriel #bellzof #bellzof: gabriel #//thought one of their meetings we didn't get to see would be nice :)

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starfriday · 1 year

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*The second song of Film Bad Boy from Mithun Chakraborty’s son Namashi Chakraborty and Amrin starrer Bad Boy, Aalam Na Poocho out now*

Link: https://youtu.be/FrvBQvPxZzg

The teaser of debutant Namashi Chakraborty and Amrin starrer Bad Boy that was launched on Holi, garnered tremendous love and appreciation from the masses.

The first song of the film, Tera Hua, sung by Arijit Singh became an ultimate favourite of every listener, in no time and now keeping up the excitement of the fans the makers have launched the second song from the film, Aalam Na Poocho. The song was launched at an event in Hyderabad and feels like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day and deeply touches the romantic chords of every heart in love.

Aalam Na Poocho is sung by supremely talented singers, Payal Dev, Raj Barman and Aakritti Mehra. The music is composed by Himesh Reshammiya and the lyrics of the song are penned by Shabbir Ahmed.

The romantic comedy is directed by veteran director Rajkumar Santoshi and apart from Namashi Chakraborty and Amrin, Bad Boy stars Johny Lever, Rajpal Yadav, Darshan Jariwala and Saswata Chatterjee in supporting roles.

Bad Boy is produced by Anjum Qureshi and Sajid Qureshi under the banner, Inbox Pictures and is scheduled to release theatrically on 28th April, 2023.

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vitapictura · 2 years

Video

John - Who Gone Be | Music Video Trailer from Vita Pictura on Vimeo.

The official music video for “Fight City” mini-series produced by Vita Pictura and Roll Up Films and directed and performed by John Lee.

John Lee created this series while teaching math at a high school and doing his master’s degree. Fight City was shot in New York, Cleveland, and Tallinn. The film builds on the range of issues one faces while growing up in a community segregated by financial status, class, and race. The production just proved that film has no boundaries, as long as you are convinced to go through all of the ups and downs of the process.

Production Company | Vita Pictura vitapictura.co

Music Video Credits:

Series Credits:

Cast

Special Thanks | Kemet Ojo, Ruth Parker, Jerrell Chesney, Geofferey Taylor, Akram Harrison, Tyrone Mixon, Kellen Walker, Roderick Jackson, Cloud from Philly, Ray, Arnold, Andrew Freedman House, Backstage, Imani Louden, Andre Dre Deuce Smith, City of Cleveland, City of New York

» Connect with Vita Pictura Facebook → facebook.com/vitapictura Twitter → twitter.com/vitapictura Instagram → instagram.com/vitapictura Youtube → youtube.com/vitapictura Vimeo → vimeo.com/vitapictura Follow Fight City the Movie → fightcity.vitapictura.co/

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fanartka · 8 months

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#doctor strange #stephen strange #doctor stephen strange #marvel #benedict cumberbatch #strangescreenshot #barman supreme #Doctor strange supreme #whatifstrange #whatif #bartender Supreme

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jp-lovecraft · 3 years

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youtube

Oh man! The 9th episode of The Vampire Mixtape with DJ4AM featuring new and classic music by Maya Huyana feat. Planet Asia, Milano Constantine, Grand Kemist, Buddy Leezle, Marco Polo, YL, Yungmorpheus, Huey Briss, The Artifacts, K-DEF, ADAGIO!, 9th Wonder, Blacksheep, Q-Tip, Trugoy from De La Soul, Khemmeta, Doctor Ice from UTFO, Slum Village, Volume 10, Flued One, Fashawn, Intelligent Hoodlum, Smokey Robinson, Grand Invincible, The Harlem Underground Band and the one and only Physical Graffiti... happy anniversary to one of the most important albums in my universe: Step In The Arena by Gangstarr. LOVE!!! -DJ4AM. 1.Think Twice-Maya Huyana feat Planet Asia 2.Beyond Comprehension-Gangstarr 3.Vicious-Milano Constantine, Body Bag Ben & Supreme Cerebral 4.Azul-Grand Kemist 5.Precisely The Right Rhymes-Gangstarr 6.Hustlemans Anthem-Buddy Leroy 7.Yung Feathers-Marco Polo 8.Player's Ball-YL & Yungmorpheus 9.Signs-Huey Briss, Hugh Augustine, IAMNOBODI & Budgie 10.Left In My Dust-The Artifacts 11.My Girl-ADAGIO! 12.Lovesick-Gangstarr 13.I Confess / Last Days (DJ4AM Blend) Bahamadia vs ONYX 14.EBONYWOMAN!!!-9th Wonder 15.Birds Of A Feather-Blacksheep, Q-Tip, Trugoy, Mike G. 16.Everybody Rich-Khemmeta 17.Pistolgrip Pump vs Fall In Love (DJ4AM Blend)-Volume 10 vs Slum Village 18.Nobody Move-Doctor Ice from UTFO 19.Just 2 Greater-Flued One feat Fashawn 20.Being With You vs Lyrics 2 Go (DJ4AM Blend)-Smokey Robinson vs ATCQ 21.Street Life (Return Of The Life Mix)-Tragedy 22.Check The Technique-Gangstarr 23.Levitate-Grand Invincible 24.Rewinders-Celestaphone, Th' Mole & MC Paul Barman 25.Just To Get A Rep-Gangstarr 26.Who's Gonna Take The Weight?-Gangstarr 27.Smokin' Cheeba Cheeba-The Harlem Underground Band feat George Benson 28.THX1138-Physical Graffiti, Aliana & Lobofunk

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laceymorganwrites · 5 years

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Eternity in your arms

Word Count: 6,179 Pairing: Ban x reader

Warnings: swear words, smut at the end A/N: um, i went a bit overboard with this….been rewatching nnt recently and had this idea so ya...

The forgotten one (Merlin´s perspective)

The supreme deity is known for cursing her daughters, if she had more than one…

But she only gave birth to Elizabeth, didn´t she? What if I told you she had another daughter, who was even older than Elizabeth? Would you even believe me? Maybe the idea seems crazy at first, but think about it: think about the forgotten one. There exists one person that has been eliminated from everybody´s memories and knowledge, but why is that? What did she do to deserve this? Well, if my theory is correct and she is indeed the first daughter of the supreme deity, it would all make sense. What if she was even stronger than her mother and would replace her some day? It would only be logical to the deity to take away her daughter´s wings and make everybody forget about her existence, wouldn´t it? She wouldn´t have to be afraid of her daughter replacing her this way. And it is quite peculiar, considering all of the goddesses are strong except for one, the one they sent to the front rows… if she wasn´t dead, it would´ve been a pleasure to confirm my theory.

3,000 years ago, during the holy war

It was a mess of wings, magic and blood. It was chaos, you lost the overview a long time ago, now you were just standing in the middle of it all, completely lost and surrounded by the explosive impact it all had on you. It was loud, but it felt numb. It was war. Being the weakest daughter of the supreme deity wasn´t something to envy, you always had to fight to get her approval. You trained and fought and did everything she asked until she didn´t show you her hate anymore. She even allowed you to fight in the front lines in the war to seal the demon clan away. You promised to make her proud, but you lost the overview in the battlefield. Desperately trying to get it back you stumbled over a fairy corpse and fell against a demon. It was in this instance you knew you lost, you saw your sister run to you from the distance, she screamed out your name, shouted to you to get away, but you were in a trance, you couldn´t move. You were born without wings, so you were useless, your mother said. She now also saw your misery and shook her head at you. “All you´ve ever done is disappoint me...I wish you would just vanish from this world...but that punishment would be too light. Instead, I curse you to wander the earth in solitude all eternity! Everyone you shall meet, shall forget you immediately after and you shall be forgotten! It will be like you never existed!” the supreme deity´s words reached your ears right before the demon smashed you against a tree with all his might. Your body broke and you slid down onto the ground, falling unconscious right after.

30 years ago

You awoke feeling lightheaded, everything around you was dead silent, which confused you. Sitting up slowly and looking around, you found yourself shocked. Where was everyone? There was no blood, no corpses, no fighting. Everything was gone. “Hello?” you called out for someone, but nobody answered. You stood up and walked around to see where you were. Surrounded by woods, it was difficult to see, everything was dark and the only sounds you could make out were those of the animals. You tried to cast Ark, but it didn´t work. “Why can´t I use it? What is happening?” you were hysterical, weren´t you a goddess? Shouldn´t you be able to cast a spell or use magic? Maybe it was because you didn´t have wings. Where did you lose them again? Right...you were born without them. A disgrace to your race, to your mother, the supreme deity. And then it all came back to you. “She cursed me...” you whispered, you didn´t want this to be true. What have you ever done to her? All you did was everything she asked, you never spoke up about anything, wasn´t that enough? What else could you have done? “She...she wanted me to vanish” you realized and sighed, shaking your head. “But instead she cursed me with eternity...” you continued walking through the woods and finally reached the clear. It was too dark to see anything, so you rested until the sun came up. Then you could finally see a small town in the far distance. Somehow that motivated you and on midday you reached the town. A smile curled around your lips as you saw the people and town flourishing, that must mean you had won the war.

Now you wanted to confirm that and started walking faster. You didn´t really notice where you were going, so you bumped into a child. “Oh!

I´m sorry, little one” you bowed your head and apologized. The child didn´t say anything, but hurried away from you. Then you realized he had taken your necklace in the process. You ran after the child and stopped him. “Give it back to me! My sister gave this to me!” you yelled at him, he wasn´t even fazed, while you were angered. You ripped the necklace from his hands and wanted to go your way again, until you noticed his eyes. What shocked you wasn´t the unusual red color of them, but rather the empty look he gave you. “You little devil!” you growled at him, but then you sighed. “Where are your parents, little one? I´m bringing you back to them” you calmed your voice and talked gentler. As soon as you mentioned his parents, the boy seemed frightened. “Please don´t! I don´t wanna go back! I´m sorry I stole your necklace, please don´t bring me to them...anything but that!” he clutched onto your dress desperately. “Fine! Just...let go of me!” you grumbled and slightly pushed him away from you. There was no resistance, you could feel his bones underneath the worn out shirt he was wearing. Before you could say anything, he ran away from you.

Suddenly you noticed the dirt in the city, the worn out houses and suspicious people, who all looked at you with those cruel, greedy eyes. With a bad gut feeling, you continued to walk through the city, eventually reaching the good parts of this town. “Hey you! Did we win?” you asked a man who crossed your path. He just looked at you as if your were crazy. “Win what?” he asked. “The war! Did we manage to seal them away?” you asked again. “Do you mean the holy war? Of course we won that, but that was about 3,000 years ago...every child knows that” he shook his head in disapproval and went his way. In the next few days you tried your best to gather all the information you could get about where and when you woke up, everybody told you the war was long over, but for you it felt like yesterday that you were in the middle of it. “I´m not crazy...” you muttered to yourself, it was devastating that nobody believed you, and even more so that nobody remembered you. You ran into the kid occasionally, he was always accompanied by a man, who seemed kind. The kid didn´t look beat up anymore, he had a healthy weight now and his eyes seemed to gleam with happiness. It brought a smile on your face, maybe you could also experience this happiness someday. He bumped into you many more times, but when he did it again on the next day, he had already forgotten you. So this was what solitude felt like, the supreme deity was right, it was hell indeed. And you needed to change that, you needed to find a mage that could lift the curse. Maybe Merlin was still alive, but before you could finish the thought, you heard cries from a big mansion. Following your instincts, you rushed in and saved the kid from getting beat up more. You grabbed him and escaped, he showed you the way to a secret hideout he apparently shared with the man he was always with, so he told you. “Where´s your friend, little one?” you asked him, the feeling you had about this wasn´t good. He sat down next to you with his head down and shoulders slouched. “He didn´t come...” he whispered. You gently placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “I´m sure something important happened, he didn´t leave you behind, he wouldn´t do that. If you remember one thing I said to you, please remember this.” you told him sincerely. He looked away and pouted. “Thank you...” he said as if he forced the words to come out of his mouth. You tilted your head and frowned, nobody has ever thanked you for anything. “...for saving me, you were just suddenly there...like an angel” he spoke like he just saw a miracle. “I´m far from an angel, little one.” you mumbled. “I know this sounds crazy but I feel like we´ve met before” he said out of the blue. “Do you remember?” could it be that the curse has been broken? “Remember what? I know we haven´t met before, but you just seem familiar...like Zhivago. He also saved me” he explained. “Oh...well, either way, I´m glad you´re safe.” you told him. “Listen, kid, I know you´re not gonna remember me in the morning, but if you have the chance, leave this town, and keep on living a happy life” you said, but then frowned. What was the point in telling him all of this when he´d just forget it anyway? What was the point in saving a child from a broken world? But you had to give it a try, you just had to do something...and then it came to you. Writing your words down and everything else you said to him, your story, who you were, you handed it to him. Even if he would forget you, you wrote down the proof that you´ve met before. He would forget you, but not the words you told him, maybe you could save him after all. Then you continued your journey, you would exist again, this was your goal.

20 years ago

You grew infuriated by your curse, growing more and more lonely, without any cure in sight. Entering a bar in the town you were currently gathering information about mages, you sat down in front of the barman and asked him. Unfortunately he also didn´t know anything, so you just ordered a drink. Someone plopped down next to you and also ordered something to drink. “Oi, I heard you ask about mages...I´m going to a place that might interest you” the stranger said. That was when you faced...crimson eyes? You frowned, he seemed familiar, you just couldn´t figure out why. “And what would that place be?” you couldn´t deny your interest, you just had to take the shot, you had tot try it, what else could you lose?

“Ever heard of the fountain of youth?” his eyes lit up as he grinned at you. Your eyes shot wide open and you leaned forward a bit. “You´re going to the fairy king´s forest?!” you smiled, maybe the fairies could help you. He nodded and smirked at you. “Wanna come?” he asked. You nodded heavily. “Guess that makes us partners~” he said in a sing sang voice. You reached out your hand. “I´m (Y/N)!” you introduced yourself. “Ban” he shook your hand and then proceeded to dash out of the bar. “Bastard!” you yelled as you realized he had stolen your necklace, again. You ran after him and were able to catch up with him. “You little devil, give it back!” you screamed at him. “Huh? Who´re you?” he looked at you dumbfounded and you groaned, ripping the necklace from his hands. You proceeded to write down the happening in your notebook, before handing it to him. “Do you still have that piece of paper I gave to you?” you asked, to which he nodded and read it. “I´d say that´s bullshit, but I remember stealing this necklace before” he mumbled. “Just hold onto this if we´re to run into each other ever again, I don´t want to start over every time” you said. He nodded and went back to the bar.

And before you knew it, you were on your way to the fairy king´s forest, holding onto your necklace. “Lizzie, what am I supposed to do if I don´t find a cure? All I have left of you is this necklace, I don´t even know what happened to you...I´m sorry for being such a disappointment...I just wish I wasn´t alone, I wish people would remember me” you sighed, lying in the soft grass as nightfall came and tears rolled down your face. “I´m so terribly lonely!” you cried out into the night air. “Are you happy now, supreme deity?! Can you hear me?! You won! I wish I was dead, okay?!” you cried out, falling to your knees. “What else do you want from me?” you whispered defeated. Something shifted beside you, making you jump slightly. “I finally found you, forgotten one” Merlin smirked. You stood up to face her. “So my theory was true after all...” she reminisced. “Who are you? What do you want from me?” you asked. The mage rolled her eyes and changed her appearance to how it was 3,000 years ago. You gasped and then smiled widely, you finally met her. “Merlin!” you hugged her and she changed back into the grown up version of herself. “I searched for you all these years...” you told her. “You see, my mother cursed me and I think you might be just the person who can lift it from me. I´ll do everything you ask of me in return” you still couldn´t believe your luck, finally something would happen. Merlin smirked. “Getting to know your curse is already reward enough for me” she said. The mage then started to work her magic on you, frowning. “There are four cursed parts in you, I´m afraid I can only cure two of them… your mother sealed your powers away in the necklace you wear, I can unleash them, then there´s the eternal life. I´m afraid I cannot undo this, but what I can undo are the effects of it, I can make people remember you again. And then there´s the fourth one, this curse hasn´t been unleashed yet...I don´t know what kind of curse it is, it seems like the opposite of the forgotten one but I can´t be sure unless it´s unleashed. But I don´t know how to unleash it...I´m sorry” Merlin said. You couldn´t help but laugh, your mother hated you so much, she cursed you four times. “Thank you, Merlin. For helping me. I would like the curses to be broken, so please, undo what you can, I´ll just have to live with the rest...” you frowned, thinking about the last decade, about how things would change now, but maybe the change wasn´t so good, maybe you were better off cursed. If people would remember you now, there would be a risk of falling in love, everyone you´d meet and get attached to would die eventually, this curse was even worse than the ones your mother bestowed you with. You sighed as you nodded to Merlin and she started to commence with her magic treatment. First she set the people´s memories free, everybody would remember you now. Then she broke your necklace, unleashing all your power that your mother took away from you. It was so overwhelming that it brought you to your knees, it was like hot and cold energy was flowing through your entire body, making you feel dizzy and start shaking, you had a murderous headache. You screamed as your wings forced themselves out of your body again, and then it was over, the former uncontrollable energy has quieted down and your wings didn´t hurt anymore. Smiling you stood up and flapped your wings, the weight felt good. “Thank you, Merlin” she smirked. “You´re very welcome. Now, what do you plan on doing with your new half uncursed life?” she asked you. You said nothing for a while, not having thought about that yourself, but then you smiled to yourself. “I´m going back to the city to see Ban” you couldn´t quite figure it out, this feeling you got every time you saw or thought about him. What was it that drew you to him? You needed to find out. Merlin chuckled: “Are you going to tell him?”. “Tell him what? How can I tell him something I myself haven´t figured out yet?” you asked. “Your heart figured it out already, you´re just trying to tell your head the same thing. I saw your memories and feelings when I broke your curse. You love him, but you don´t know why, so you´re telling yourself you don´t. I get it, the need for a logical explanation for everything, you´re telling yourself it´s too soon, it´s wrong, it can´t be...you don´t even know him, do you? But that´s where it gets interesting, you and your sister have an enormous heart, you feel things on such a high level, you feel more than anyone could ever imagine. Your sister accepted it, now you have to too. There´s nothing wrong with loving someone, even if you don´t know why… that´s what makes love so interesting, it´s nothing we can control, but it controls us, it makes sense when you think about it. People act on love to justify it instead of just letting it be and following their heart. I understand your struggle, but if there´s one thing I learned from your sister it is following your heart” Merlin smirked as you blushed, you felt so exposed. “But what if he doesn´t love me back? And even if...we could never be together...” you whispered, slouching your shoulders. “He´d clearly be a fool not to love you” Merlin mumbled.

Your feet subconsciously dragged you back to the city, you almost ran. Your eyes searched for Ban, but you didn´t admit it to yourself. Ignoring the people staring at your wings, you finally found him sitting on a small hill in the outskirts of the city. He sat there, crouched, with his head resting on his arms that were hugging his legs. He seemed glum, looking up at the moon. You felt your heart and lungs squeeze together and had to physically restrain yourself from hugging him. Hesitantly you sat down next to him and as he noticed, he flashed you a big toothy grin, making your chest flutter. You returned a shy smile. “I always knew you were an angel” he remarked, pointing at your wings. With a hopeful look on your face you turned to him. “Do you remember?” you asked and smiled when he nodded. “I thought I´d never see you again” he admitted sadly. “We always cross each other´s paths, don´t we?” you whispered, looking into the distance. “I know...and I´m glad. I don´t know what I´d do if we didn´t...” he confessed. You tilted your head. “Why is that?” you asked him. “Now that I remember, I know that you were always there for me, protecting me. You saved me from getting killed that time I was a kid… you know, I really thought there was something between us, like a connection, destiny or whatever… but then I realized that I only felt that way because I owed you for saving me. It´s just...this notebook you gave me, I always felt as if I knew you and now that you´re here before me, everything makes sense and confuses me at the same time. I just can´t figure it out” he told you. His words left you speechless, your heart hammered in your chest. Follow your heart, what was that even supposed to mean? You were about to find out. “I did...or rather, a friend helped me figure it out. She also lifted some of my curses. She told me that I should just follow my heart and not listen to my head, because love doesn´t need reason, it just...is. And I think she´s right, because all this time I kept telling myself what I felt couldn´t be and I tried to justify it in some twisted way, I think you´re the same… so, let´s figure it out together, whatever this is” you spoke boldly, feeling dizzy from the blood rushing in your head. Your hand subconsciously found its way to cup Ban´s cheek, looking up to him for permission. You were met with his eyes filled with desire, he gave you a soft smile as you both anticipated and bathed in the friction between you two. Slowly you leaned in, Ban meeting you halfway. As your lips finally connected it was as if thousand fireworks went off at the same time, illuminating you in warm light. You smiled into the soft kiss and kissed Ban more eager and hungry, it felt so good and so right, this was the closure you needed. Waves of energy and electricity rushed through your body, making you feel light. You held hands with Ban and pulled him closer with your wings so that he held you close by your waist. Ban slowly pulled away and opened his eyes. He looked at you for a while, smiling, before he spoke: “I think I love you”.

The fourth curse

Your mind went pitch black, it was as if something was ripped out of your life, or rather someone, but you couldn´t figure it out. You were sitting in the grass with a stranger next to you, you didn´t know how you got there and what you wanted. The last thing you remembered was that Merlin lifted the curse your mother bestowed on you. Merlin. You needed to find her, maybe she could explain all this, you must´ve been on a journey with her. You figured you should find her and left the hill, but the stranger came after you. “(Y/N)! Wait! Don´t you have anything to say to me? Was it all worth nothing? I wanted to get the fountain of youth to be with you! I really thought you loved me back...” he yelled, making you tilt your head. “Do I know you? I´m pretty sure we haven´t met before, what are you yelling about?” you asked confused. “You don´t remember me?” he asked, defeated. You frowned. “No. Should I?” you went on your way, leaving him behind without losing another thought on him.

Wandering the streets and then the woods until you finally found Merlin, you suddenly felt lost, without a goal in life. But that was because Merlin lifted your curse, you told yourself.

She looked at you confused when you came back. “Haven´t you spoken to Ban?” she asked and you asked yourself who that was. “Who?” you asked her. Merlin frowned and her face was full of concern. “Why don´t you remember him? You love him...” she told you. “I don´t love anyone, I never have” you answered, what was wrong with Merlin? “This can´t be right, something must´ve happened...” she mumbled. “Let me see your curses once again! Maybe this is the fourth one...” she asked but you declined. “I´m not letting you in my head again, you already cured me, there´s nothing else you can do” you demanded.

16 years ago

You were traveling with Merlin for quite a while now, helping her find magical objects and such. You even joined the holy knights with her, you were now traveling with a group called the seven deadly sins. The group was led by the son of the demon king, Meliodas. You confronted him about it, saying he should be long sealed away with the other demons. This was when you found out about what happened to him and your sister in the holy war, it left you completely cold. Merlin figured out your curse was a loveless life, but you didn´t think it was that bad, your mother protected you from getting hurt this way. Meliodas was out to recruit a new member on this day, that left only Diane, Merlin and you. Diane said she´d gather food so Merlin and you were all alone now.

“(Y/N), I´ve had quite enough of this curse, a life without love is not befitting for you. I know how much you love your sister, I can´t stand how her fate leaves you so cold… and you don´t even remember Ban, that´s just tragic… you don´t even care, do you? Don´t you see how much you´ve changed? It scares me, I will lift the curse, and if I have to knock you out for it!” she warned you, you´ve never seen her so angry before, it made you smirk. “Do you really think you can knock me out, little girl? Need I remind you that I´m a goddess stronger than my mother? And how often do I need to tell you to stop mentioning this Ban guy, I don´t know who that is!” she infuriated you, always trying to tell you you were a different person than you were. You were sick of it. “Yo! This is Ban, I just broke him out of prison, he´s gonna travel with us now” Meliodas announced when he was back. It broke Ban´s heart all over again seeing you like this, with this stern expression on your face, like you didn´t even know him. This wasn´t the you he remembered and knew, but did he really know you? He doubted it. You slowly stalked towards him without any expression on your face. “So you´re Ban, huh? I´ve heard quite a lot about you… tell me why I should remember you again?” your cold words were like knives in his heart, how could you have changed so much? “That´s it! I´ve had enough of it! Meliodas, hold her down!” Merlin shouted as she cast a magic spell on you, making you unable to move. “You´re making a huge mistake, Merlin. I told you to never get into my head again, you´re gonna regret this!” you hissed at her, trying to use your powers to fight against her, but you couldn´t do a thing. Merlin cast a magic insight of your head again and sighed heavily. “So I was right after all...”. She turned to Meliodas and Ban. “Before I break the curse, I think it´s only fair if you know what exactly is going on with (Y/N). The supreme deity, her mother, cursed her four times. The first curse was sealing her powers away, the second one was eternal life, the third one was making everyone forget about her and the fourth one is taking all the love away from her life, making her forget about her true love and not being able to express love ever again. Don´t be mad at her for being so cold, it wasn´t her fault, she had no other choice but act that way, all the love she had was taken away from her by force. I can´t imagine in how much pain she must be, after all she always felt more than others, just like her sister. Now, I don´t know what is going to happen after I lift the curse, I don´t know if she will remember you, Ban. But I will try anyways...” she concentrated and lifted your final curse.

You opened your eyes with the worst feeling of guilt and sorry you ever felt. What have you done? How could you break people´s hearts like that? It was cruel. You looked up at the smirking face of Merlin, a smiling Meliodas and Ban who looked like his whole world just crumbled. “Welcome back” Merlin said, followed by Meliodas´ chuckle. “We should have a drink!” he announced. Ban still didn´t say anything, he didn´t even look at you, but who could blame him. Before you knew it you were dashing out of the room, the pain in your chest was too much to bear. You ran until you couldn´t feel your feet anymore and then you slid down a wall and cried, because you didn´t know what else to do. After ten minutes when your tears have finally dried out, Merlin came to talk to you. “See? It´s better not being cursed” she sat down next to you. “Thank you, Merlin” you whispered. “You should come back, Ban and you have much to catch up on” she smiled. You shook your head. “I can´t go back to him, not after all I´ve done...I can´t even look at him without being ashamed of myself! Besides, I don´t think he wants to see me...” you mumbled, this was your own fault, you only deserved to feel the hurt you did right now. “You have to talk to him eventually, you know? It won´t be as bad as you think. I can only imagine how bad you must feel right now, but Ban will understand it, he will forgive you, he loves you” she sighed. “I don´t believe that” you said quietly, tears rolling down your cheeks yet again. “Come on, let´s go back” Merlin took your hand and dragged you back to your hideout. It was already late in the evening when you got back and Meliodas and Diane were fast asleep, Ban was still awake.

“Talk to him” Merlin urged you. Your guilt ate you alive, you just wanted to leave and never come back. But you couldn´t run like a coward again, you had to face your fears and take responsibility for your actions. With a shaking hand you knocked on his door. He opened it, still not looking at you. “I´m sorry for everything I said and did while I was cursed” you told him sincerely. He shook his head. “It´s not your fault, you don´t need to apologize for anything. Please come in, I need to tell you something” he had the same look of guilt in his eyes as you. You slowly walked in his room and closed the door, leaning against it. “What´s wrong, Ban?” you asked him gently. He sat down on his bed, sighing heavily.

“After you left that night, I didn´t know what to do, I was lost. But in the end I still went to the fairy king´s forest to get the fountain of youth...I told myself it wasn´t for you, but for me. I don´t want to die, you know? And...when I got there, there was this girl, Elaine...” he started sobbing and you frowned as he continued. “She was up there all alone, you know? She had no one, she told me. We got really close in this time, I stayed with her, I didn´t want the fountain anymore. Did you know it was the very thing that kept the fairy king´s forest alive? I couldn´t steal something like that. And then one day demons attacked, burning the whole thing down. I killed the demon, or so I thought… I didn´t know they had three hearts, he got Elaine and I told her to drink the fountain, which she did. And then I also got hurt and she… she kissed me, forcing me to drink the fountain. I knew she loved me, but I didn´t. I still loved you, I never loved anybody but you, even after you left, I couldn´t forget you and that´s so unfair towards Elaine. I should´ve loved her back. But I didn´t. It´s my fault she died.” Ban looked up at you, tears streaming down his face, he had a pleading look on his face, almost as if he begged you to forgive him. You gulped and walked over to him, sitting down next to him and pulling him close, cradling his back and hair until he calmed down. “It´s not your fault, there´s nothing you could´ve done to prevent her death. I´m sorry, Ban, I really am. But… you shouldn´t love me. Not after all I´ve done and said to you. And also not before that. We didn´t even know each other, it would´ve never worked, you were mortal, I should´ve never approached you after my curse was broken, it was selfish. Everything about us is wrong, Ban, can´t you see that? You wanted to have eternal life because of me, you wanted to bestow yourself with the worst and unbreakable curse because of a girl you didn´t even know? That´s just reckless… and forgiving yourself to move on is just stupid. I´m sorry, but loving me isn´t getting you anywhere...” you told him. Ban pulled away from your arms to look at you. “I know and I´m sorry, I just thought...I just thought you loved me back, because after all this time I still love you and I really don´t know what I should do with that, now that you´re telling me this is never going to work” his head hung low. You grabbed his hand and softly caressed it with your own as you chuckled. “I love you too, Ban. I just couldn´t say it back then, if you never told me, maybe I could´ve saved you...but it´s too late for that now.” you reminisced. “What now?” he asked, looking into your eyes deeply. You smiled. “The inevitable curse has already been bestowed on us, it´s too late to be saved, but you can move on. What is it that you want?” you met his gaze. “I want you. I want to be with you forever, I´d give anything for that...” he confessed. “You already gave everything you had...and I will give you all my heart and all my love. It all belongs to you, it always has. I´m yours, will you be mine?” you asked him. He leaned in closer to you. “I already am~” he smiled and pulled you in for a hug, kissing your neck. You were positioned on top of his lap and cupped his face in your hands, forcing him to look up to you. Then you leaned down to kiss him softly. You felt Ban smile into the kiss and his hands roam over your back, pulling you even closer. You moaned a bit and Ban used the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth. He teased you a bit until you kissed him back hungrily, pulling away from his lips only to continue leaving kisses and hickeys along his neck. The friction got you aroused, you felt so relieved and happy having him by your side. You bit your lip and tugged at his shirt, begging him to pull it off. He did so smirking and watched with big eyes as you undressed as well. His fingers traced all over your naked skin slowly, he wanted to take all of your beauty in. Then he gently positioned you on his bed so you laid with your back down. Ban placed sloppy kisses all over your neck and collarbones, moving down to play with your breasts, leaving you sighing heavily and touching his back and muscular arms. Your hand quickly found his hard member and massaged it through his pants. Ban groaned lowly. Then he smiled at you. “You´re so beautiful, you know that?” he husked into your ear before he knelt in front of your bare legs, licking his lips. You blushed and bit your lip. He spread your legs slowly and peppered kisses over your legs, stopping at your folds. Starting to lick up and suck your clitoris, he left you trembling and lost for words. “I-it feels so good...” your breath hitched, making Ban smirk and continue more eagerly. When he deemed you wet enough he pulled back slowly and sucked on your neck, slipping his index finger inside of you, pushing it against your sweet spot. In the mean time you moaned, pressing nearer to Ban, taking his pants off and pumping his length in your hand. You were gentle, rubbing your thumb over his tip and cradling his balls in your hand. Ban soon added another finger as you sped up your movements. Ban groaned and growled in your ear lowly as a sign of enjoyment and he was smirking widely, having his eyes closed, thinking about how lucky he was. “Ban? I think I´m ready… “ you told him and he pulled out his fingers, replacing them with his cock. You let out a long cry of pleasure and moved your hips against him as did he. Your arms were interlocked behind his neck and he held you close by your waist, resting his head on your neck, kissing it thoroughly. “Yes….it feels so good, Ban” you smiled up at him in your ecstasy and held onto his arms. “I love you” you told him, you were so close to cumming. Ban stopped for an instance before he continued with deeper and faster strokes. Soon you were both cumming and held onto each other.

#nnt #the seven deadly sins #nanatsu no taizai #anime #imagine #fox sin ban #ban #nnt ban #ban x reader #one shot #nnt imagine

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memes-in-a-half-shell · 5 years

Text

A Love Supreme (Donatello x Fem!Reader)(JazzNoir AU)

youtube

(This is a test for an AU I’m writing ;) !!)

Another quiet night was about to end, the patrons being few and the alcohol running low. You sighed, cleaning the surrounding tables for the who-knows what time now. Your feet were killing you, thanks to your high heels, and you never wished more for the shift to end so you could swing that pencil skirt away. Glancing around, you only noticed Leatherhead at the bar, patiently cleaning mugs, as the jazz trio on scene was playing some quiet tunes for the remaining clients. ... Oh fuck it all. You took seat, sighing as your body and shoulders fell down a little, your eyes now closed. You needed a break, even if the night was uneventful.

“A busy night, I see.”

You slightly jumped, your gaze snapping to the source, noticing one of the bosses: Donatello. Slightly panicking, you started to get up. “I- I’m sorry! I was just-”

“Relax,” lightly chuckled the other. “Don’t need to get on high alert ‘cause of me. ... I was about to take a seat too, anyway.”

How could you resist his smile? You couldn’t erase yours as he took place next to you, next gesturing something to the barman. You took time to observe him, the mutant wearing a white buttoned shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, all accentuated by a very loose tie and suspenders that hooked to his dark pants.

“... Had a lot of work, I presume?” you asked, trying to soften the atmosphere.

The turtle smirked: “End of the month; that means a lot of numbers and bills and trying to correct my brothers’ bullshits.”

Leatherhead came near, letting out two glasses of a golden drink.

“Whisky on rocks,” he simply grumbled, already on the way back to his station.

“Drinking on the job, how professional,” you joked.

Donnie offered a glass to you: “Well, I’m not the only one.”

You eyed the drink for a moment, unsure about if this was a test of some sort ... until you conceeded and took the damn thing in your hand. Taking a sip, you noticed how the liquid was fresh at first, but then started to warm your throat as it slowly slid down to your very core. You couldn’t help humming in appreciation.

“Not bad...,” you mumbled, glad for this sweet relief and break.

“Man, I should start to look for other bands to play in this place,” started the mutant. “... They’re starting to get boring - there’s even a guy asleep over there!”

You looked where he was pointing, noticing an old man, face planted against the table.

“... I think he’s just really drunk and passed out,” you giggled softly.

“Well I’d be too if I was to listen to those guys playing all night long!”

You couldn’t stop your laughter, which instantly brought a renewed smile on the other’s face. When your eyes met, all you could feel was ease. You always had a preference for this turtle, out of the four, and were so glad whenever he would come to you and just talked. ... It was so easy with him, especially when he would lighten the mood with little jokes and light flirting.

“... I really like talking with you, Donatello,” you couldn’t help saying.

Without knowing, one of his hands was entertwined with one of yours, his thumb slowly caressing the top.

“I do too. ... Who knew: I can be pretty fun when I’m out of my work mindset!”

“Oh please, we’re just professionals here!” you smirked teasingly. “There’s a time and place for pleasanteries.”

“Okay then. How about we ditch this place and go somewhere more fun?”

Your brows furrowed: “... My shift is not over.”

“Hah! I’ll cover for you, don’t worry. I’ll even throw in a lil’ extra on your paycheck, if you want.”

“Calm down, sweet boy, my company has no price!”

“And still, my expenses would know no limits if it meant that I could spend time in your presence...”

A shiver went through you, only then noticing how close you two were now. He had brought your hand he was holding up to his lips, leaving a small, courteous kiss on top. His eyes, glistening pools of amber, were plunged deep in yours, awaiting your answer.

“Lead the way, then,” you simply answered, smiling softly.

***

You both arrived at another club, this one way more full than the Tartaruga. A bigger swing band was on stage, a male singer at the center. You and Donnie were seated at one of the few rare empty tables at the back, in the shadows - away from the dimmed lighting of the place. Seating back comfortably, Donatello took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, soon lighting a stick he held to his mouth.

“Well, how is this a different setting than our previous stop?” you started.

“Listen to that guy sing. His voice is gold. I want to get him to our club. ... Just imagine the crowd we’d get!”

You started to listen to the music, the rolling rhythm already hooking you up, even if the melody already sounded somehow melancholic:

“Oh, it seemed forever stopped today All the lonely hearts in London Caught a plane and flew away And all the best women are married All the handsome men are gay You feel deprived Yeah, are you questioning your size? Is there a tumor in your humor Are there bags under your eyes? Do you leave dents where you sit Are you getting on a bit? Will you survive? You must survive When there's no love in town This new century keeps bringing you down All the places you have been Trying to find a love supreme A love supreme Oh, what are you really looking for? Another partner in your life To abuse and to adore? Is it lovey dovey stuff Do you need a bit of rough? Get on your knees Yeah, turn down the love songs that you hear 'Cause you can't avoid the sentiment That echoes in your ear Saying love will stop the pain Saying love will kill the fear Do you believe You must believe When there's no love in town This new century keeps bringing you down All the places you have been Trying to find a love supreme A love supreme”

Donnie was right, that guy sounded really well. As the song continued, you looked back at the turtle, nodding in appreciation.

“He’d be a nice addition to the place, I agree.”

“Just like you are...”

You felt flustered, trying to brush this comment away: “I’m not much of an interesting asset, in my opinion.”

Donatello slightly leaned your way, that damned flirtacious look and smile on his face.

“Maybe you don’t agree, but to my eyes you very well are.”

“Mister Donatello, are you just trying to butter me up and casually tell me that you’ve employed me for your enjoyment?” you bantered back in a playful and sultry tone.

He finished his cigarette, finally crushing the end of the stick in the ashtray left on the table. His eyes never left yours.

“... And what if I was to say yes, in a sense?”

“Then you are a very bad man,” you answered, without an ounce of anger, leaning in turn.

Even in the shadows, you could both see eachother clearly, although everything seemed so surreal and out of time... You felt one his arms rest at the top of the chair’s backrest, ever getting so near. You didn’t move away when his free hand cupped your cheek, rather slightly leaning into it, loving to feel the texture of his skin. It felt like a dream as you both moved closer, your lips ever so near; yet he never kissed you, his lips only hovering yours in this tantalizing move. You wanted more... So much more... He moved back, that damned cute smirk on his features.

“Indeed I am.”

((Sorry if there’s errors ! It’s getting late and I have to go sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Hope you enjoyed :) !)

#me #oneshot #JazzNoir AU

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originaljediinjeans · 5 years

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Captain Marvel second viewing notes (spoilers)

My theory about liking it more when I saw it again was correct. It’s still not my favorite MCU movie but it’s great. I think this is like the bitter beginning of Carol’s character arc. Sad to say, but she may get more of a challenge--physically and emotionally--in Endgame.

‘Pegasus’ wasn’t Dr. Lawson’s project, it was the Air Force and NASA’s joint research team trying to develop advanced aircraft and even spacecraft. SHIELD was not involved directly. But if that’s where Mar-vell got the Tesseract...I mean isn’t this the kind of thing SHIELD does?

The whole experience would have given Nick Fury a good idea of just how powerful the dang thing was

The day of the “accident”: Mar-Vell needed to get to the lab before the Kree did to save the people she was hiding there. That’s where Carol was taking her.

My first time watching, it didn’t look like Carol/Veers was good at expressing emotion. But the thing is, Yon-vogg’s been breathing down her neck for the last six years telling her to repress her emotions, that not having feelings would make her a better warrior. And on this second viewing, it is a little easier to read her expressions. She does have a “soft” side, but it’s not really the main focus of the film

And I don’t really think she’s 100% anger at the end of the film. I think her heart’s in the right place.

There may have been some brain trauma from the explosion but I think the Kree messed with her brain beyond that. Talos says her brain is pretty messed up. I’ll bet you that after she was captured the Kree kept her on some kind of stasis for a while to see if they could extract the energy from her or find some way to control her--the little inhibitor disc on the back of her neck was the best they could do

Also when Yon-Vogg and Minn-erva kidnapped Carol, Minn-erva at some point may have told Yon-Vogg that maybe kidnapping a sentient being with that level of energy inside of her wasn’t such a good idea. And after Veers went AWOL Minn-erva may have told Yon-Vogg “I told you so” offscreen.

You have to pay attention to hear the part where Talos explains that he connected Mar-vell’s engine with the Kree warrior Veers.

Even when Carol doesn’t remember herself, she still has a lot of her personality, Maria knows her so well and it shows

I love how Maria is retired from the Air Force and she’s fixing up planes on her own. Monica will know how to fly before she’s 16, probably

This movie is kind of an 80s movie as well as a 90s one. If you want to talk about the flashback scenes and Carol and Maria’s past.

Nick Fury might be younger and more naieve but he still doesn’t mess around, dude saw some stuff in the military and Cold War

The ending: I think the Skrulls were able to come up with or fix some kind of engine for Mar-vell’s lab and Carol charged it with her powers

A lot of alien races don’t like Flerkens but it’s understandable, they’re kinda scary

okay, but after Carol and the Skurlls leave we see Goose in Fury’s office. On a cat bed. How long does Goose stay with Fury? Does he get kicked out for coughing out a real hairball?

Veers does not like not knowing who she is

I don’t think that this was Carol’s first Starforce mission against the skrulls. She’s been on a few...and she’s been a problem for her commander

The barman at that one bar: HE KNOWS HER. He doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t know what’s going on, but he must have heard that something had happened, maybe Maria told him about her suspicions. BUT HE KNOWS.

Danvers and Rambeau are huge Star Wars nerds. They’re the right age to have seen the Original Trilogy in theaters growing up. Carol flying Lawson’s ship reminds me of a dogfight, and maybe that was her inspiration for wanting to fly--and in that dogfight in earth’s atmosphere she flies like she knows what to expect, and I don’t think it’s just her training.

Also Carol in pilot mode--I hope we see her like that again.

The Supreme Intelligence imitating 90s earth culture when she’s in Carol’s mind again--sick, that just makes me sick

Among other things that this movie does better than Wonder Woman is the plot element where the heroine BECOMES the coveted weapon of mass destruction that saves the day

Once Carol unlocks her full powers, she is not only unstoppable but she KNOWS she’s unstoppable. Watch her in the fight against Starforce: she’s calculating, she feigns weakness to get them too close before she attacks; this chick is EXTRA

(I think she did learn to use her head)

One really has to wonder what else she can do with her powers besides blow things up and how showing up in Avengers: Endgame will make the difference...

although there’s something to be said for the fact that she took on a really powerful artificial intelligence program inside of her mind and beat it

It actually is kind of a weaker point of the film, that Captain Marvel at her full strength is virtually unstoppable. Even with her powers limited, she can beat anyone who fights her. It’s like there isn’t really anything to challenge her physically--although those missles were kind of tough for her, until she turned the first one around

Knowing nothing about her past is a challenge to her emotionally, but it doesn’t really get shown as much of a limitation

Shoutout to Talos’ “science guy” for taking one for the team

I don’t really think this is the origin of Nick’s friendship with Phil Coulson--like this isn’t really what brings them together. Is this Coulson’s “first rodeo”? I think so. This is their first time encountering aliens but it won’t be the last one before New York.

They don’t show what Carol sees in the file she’s looking at when she REALIZES. She was looking at Mar-vell’s notebook. Something in there must have caught her attention. Not something to completely reveal the Kree’s lies but a huge detail about her identity, perhaps--maybe a mention about who Mar-vell was working with

I am now convinced that this is a great movie

#captain marvel #higher faster further #captain marvel movie #captain marvel movie spoilers #captain marvel spoilers #spoilers #long post

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driftwork · 5 years

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employee and festival....

I had been doing a reading, reading one of the Hotel Stories, the one about the Hotel barman, at the literary festival during the afternoon. It had gone well I thought, especially the discussion of Lucretius and communist philosophy . During the questions and answers I'd identified him as someone from the fascist-paranoid pole, in short a very contemporary fascist, I imagined that he was a micro-fascist at the time. It may take you a little longer...

I was suffering from a tame longing without any particular object, on the landscape of boredom that late afternoon, waiting to be collected.... It wasn't easy finding the words, it was afternoon and I was feeling tired, I'd have liked to sit on the sofa, read a few words and sleep, I changed chairs instead and looked out of the window at the sea, there was a slight breeze coming up the channel from the west, there were the usual falcons sitting in the tree resting before hunting. Today the air the balls thud through is close and heavy. A woman walks by wearing a summer frock. She doesn't know she is being watched. I look past him at the tennis. It was quite hard to understand what he was arguing, because he was speaking with a slight Swiss accent for some unknown reason. Now and then he would pause and search for the the right phrase or sentence and in the hesitancy and silences, in this place under severe surveillance. He hoped I would understand what it meant to live under surveillance, or to be more exact within a police state. He scrutinised me to make sure that I was understanding what was being said.

He said that his profession on his passport was "lawyer".

"My task was to prosecute or defend the people that the state wanted to jail. This was a strange thing, As a state employee I sometimes defended the state defined criminals from the state. It was a strange operation of my profession, to be an employee of the state to defend from its accusations or more usually to prosecute people."

We discussed the strangeness of the juridical system which required a lawyer to prosecute or defend the accused.

"As a defense lawyer I was the Worm Ourobous," he said, "employed to bite the tail of the worm" [...] "As a prosecution lawyer I was the Worm Ourobous," he said, "employed to bite the tail of the worm." [...]

I smiled and tried to distract him by asking him if he'd like to get something to drink? He agreed and we wandered like already drunken molecules over to the bar. Perhaps a glass of Chablis for me, He said. The images from the last book reading that we'd sat through earlier lingered in Agfacolour, bleached out violence on my tired unconscious...

"where I come from violence was always in monochrome" he said, "the colour almost totally bleached out, not quite grey but a sort of Tarkovsky designed colour scheme. Because that's the kind of bureaucratic operative of the repressive state apparatus that I was, engaged in operations which happened to convince outsiders that the state was a kind of democracy, with lawyers defending criminals, though mostly I did not defend or prosecute burglars, murderers, rapists, frauds or some other kind of crime invented to protect someone or other, instead they had committed the crime of being, perhaps speaking out of turn, a few sentences to their uncle or their husbands - who used the crime of speaking as a means of reporting them to the police. Which is where I came in."

(He paused as the barperson arrived with our orders, I asked for another glass of wine and a double espresso. Realizing that I needed to pay especial attention to this criminal standing before me, to stay as aware as possible, to avoid the foolishness of belief. I watched a kudu wander across the outside terrace in the mirror in the bar wall. He looked round to see if the falcons were still sitting in the tree. There was a giraffe in the distance, and sipped the espresso. Today the tennis balls seem to thud right through my head, my heart) [...]

The air was still, gradually the light was failing perhaps half as many photons as when I had initially sat on the sofa, a small American jazz band was setting up on the terrace outside, the next day the festival would begin with an interview with a Scottish children's author, it was in the children's competition a gentle book in which little happened except perhaps for its representation of the miseries of everyday life, it might win an award in the festival, though it was hardly likely to be written about by a critic or read by many children. The publishers knew the score (the band began to play some Monk tunes) and are hoping for some impossible publicity. It was this event which was the indicator that he should leave as his reasons for being there were ending. [...]

"In the old days," he said, "I played along, you have to do so because you hope that you'll be able to make some progress, even if you are biting your own Ourobean tail. [...] It's not like a binary tale, a fable of one or zero where logic says only one can be victorious , for there are no draws in court, because in the real world of fuzzy logic there is always the possibility of a draw, of a stalemate. And the truth is that in any trial we'd begin from the same point, the judges, magistrates and the jurists in their gowns, the defendants in the glass boxes and the journalists looking bored. The repressive state apparatus functioning as if it is in some sense liberatory which where you come from," he said gesturing at me with his fingers, "...it sometimes is. But in our juridical system the plaintiff can never emerge victorious and the charges can never be dismissed, the plaintiff being identified in the system as a non-being, all plaintiffs being like your American blacks" (I'm not American I interjected, you are more likely to be from there than I am), "...whilst I am the juridical being whose task was to convince the judges and magistrates that the defendant was a harmless being and useful. The difference being between acquittal, or perhaps a few months in jail and many years and prolonged periods of torture. To convince the judiciary that the defendant wasn't really questioning the state morality with the books found in this house on the hill, sure they were published in London and Paris, and that they were about nothing in particular, philosophical tomes about the non-existence of god, which of course we knew to be an absurd western prejudice. It was the same process when I was prosecuting, except then I was arguing for a suspended sentence, or perhaps a few months in jail and many years and prolonged periods of torture."

[reading this now as I write this story I know I've misrepresented the representative of the repressive state apparatus, but no idea how...]

"But they did not care about the arguments made as the sentences had already been decided on, read out from pieces of paper written before the day had even begun. Nothing protected the criminal."

He paused looking down at the drugs he'd put on the bar besides his drink, looking at the bill and thinking about whether to pay for it now or later.

"These things are simple enough in the end, whichever side of the court your standing in, whether prosecuting a defendant as I was, or defending him, it made no difference they wanted respect from us..."

I drank some more Chablis and ordered some bhajis and assorted tapas [...]

"I was prosecuting a journalist who had not previously dissented, he was a man who was responsible for his own actions, hence we were in court. He was charged with supplying government information to an overseas media organization, documents about the regimes oppressive behavior. The Criminal had supplied an article denouncing the regime and intended to be out of the country when it was published, unfortunately it was leaked and published before he left, or perhaps it was an advance publicity action[...] Almost a shame really. My job was to treat words as crimes. I had to decide whether to ask for a psychiatric prison, a normal jail or a labour camp, as his sentence was already decided and I had no idea what it was. i favored the former because the people who ended up there worked less and were treated a little more carefully. Though here in the courtroom I couldn't know how the judges would condemn the defendant, how terrible the sentence would be for the defendant. Of course as I am a member of the judiciary I am always expecting chaos to enter the room, and that day it did....!"

I was getting bored at this tedious story of juridical life, what made this person think that his tales of repression were interesting ? How to escape from this boring story of the guilt of an agent of a repressive state apparatus... It was as Pessoa said - (Certain sensations are slumbers that fill up our mind like a fog and prevent us from thinking, from acting, from clearly and simply being.) As if we hadn't slept, something of our undreamed dreams lingers in us, and the torpor the new day's sun warms the stagnant surface of our senses. We're drunk on not being anything, and our will is a bucket poured out onto the yard by the listless moving of a passing foot... His boredom is obvious, distinct in all its formlessness and here in this bar , my boredom at his nihilism was extreme, for the governmentality of enslavement has always been quite boring, even as they confess to the terrible things they have done to people who buy the wrong books, ask for more money, with the terrible boringness of their human and non-human subjectivication. All we could see looking at this person as he spoke about the 'day it did', was the biological, genetic and neural components that composed his supreme boringness. What bizarre technologies had dissected his human senses so that his subjectivity was only capable of confession, which was nothing but the alienating boredom of consumption for consumptions sake. He believed that the confessions of the repressive state apparatus, with its statues to past events, criminality and wars were somehow of interest to complete strangers on the margins of an art event in southern Italy. In these days when fascism is taken to refer to political movements, populists and other such groups, rather than the individual humans subjects occupying the paranoid psychotic position its easy to evade the blindness of epistemological hegemony. Beyond his head, the giraffe was passing by the verandah its eyes looking at us as it passed. At breakfast the Giraffe had eaten fruit and croissants from the Verandah table, accepting the touch of children's hands as payment for the snacks. It was walking towards the artificial tree where these beautiful migrants from Africa were fed everyday. I regret not paying attention to what they had done to the journalist, if this was a story something miraculous would take place, but I don't even know his or her name. Though I do know his name and regret not making him suffer. Z arrived from her psychoanalytical conference in the rented car and took me away from the horror...

#everyday practices #non-fiction #science fiction #ideology and discourse #RSA

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