#basically feelings are bullshit and i dont want to have to figure out to deal with them

[austinsastrology8991]

> Neptune IN the HOUSES < How your DELUSIONS find you RESOLUTIONS

Neptune in the First - You act so naive, and now people actually think your naive. But you hate it when people treat you this way, but your always swaying around and acting oblivious to everything around you, but ik its all a front, and people find you to be mystical and now everyone is entranced by this dance you make acting oblivious. its obvious its an act, but then the more you get to know them you realize its not and thats actually who they are, and you wonder why no one has bonked them on the head yet Neptune in the Second - you dont really value anything, you think everything comes and goes, and your just like a paper bag flowing through the wind tbh. But this quality of letting things be and go, allows you to be molded by life and that can be a useful tool for artisty, but man yall just give up easy tbh. also your voices are like ethereal - kiddd cudiiiiiieee Neptune in the Third - you guys talk like a movie character, and its never the villain but the naive protagonist who just believes in a bunch of bullshit. but everyone thinks your so amusing to lissten to and i suppose you are but sometimes you guys really are playing up this movie trope and well im done watching the same movie i want a re-cast. then next week you will re-cast yourself as a new protagonist and well everyone just loves to watch you be an idiot so keep it up Neptune in the Fourth - Your literally 'good will huntings robin Williams'. you act like you figured out emotions because you let them come and go, but when someone questions whats going on with you, you find a million reasons to explain why you behave this way, and why others do, whilst completely avoiding letting your emotions out because your way too sensitive youd rather keep it at them at a distance that way you can handle it Neptune in the Fifth - You guys are the embodiment of a amusement park. YOu perform a million different acts, and never run out of ideas on how to entertain. Very amusing to watch, but people tend to take you for granted since your always so fun to be around we just expect yalll to keep performing, and you can, but this eats you up inside. then you perform again showing us how you feel as usual, and how it feels being used, and well i guess its all good because you have a never ending source of material - yourselves

Neptune in the Sixth - IMO the real mvps of delusions. No one is as delusional as them but they dont even care because they have thought of so much bullshit and have found so much evidence for their bullshit that they now realized that what most people believe in is bullshit, so they just think everything is bullshit. They dont even give a fuck anymore because to them everything isnt real, and everything is real, they have trouble understanding reality, because they have seen things no one could ever believe exists Neptune in the Seventh - Hopelessly projecting what they want in the world just for it to never come to fruition. This is actually how they pull, so dont hate their game. but they tell people how they wish things would be, and people want to save them by showing them how the world works, or giving into their stupid delusions and pretending what they believe in is real. Kinda a lot to deal with. But they'll never admit that they act so innocent but then your basically taking care of a baby Neptune in the Eighth - They make the universe bend to their will whether it wants to or not. They will pull every magic trick they know to make sure that their delusions are not delusional anymore. And its impressive how much they believe in there imaginings that it does tend to become real, but i would warn them and whoever is around them; That their fantasies tend towards the dark. so if they want something to be real (and they gonna do everything they can to get it) they may or may not resort to black magic or some shady ass shit Neptune in the Ninth - They believe in god a lot, maybe too much to appear normal. They are the type to make up a cult and behave liek mormons and say it was the will of god. The people ive met with this are strange, and their beliefs alter quite a bit, and for some reason they always have met deities and angels. But they are so delusional in their beleifs that if you hear them out, its so far fetched youll get lost in them because your so curious how someone got so lost in their own religion you wonder if they'll ever return to the real world Neptune in the Tenth - They are openly strange. Bro dennis Rodman has this conj his midheaven and its just iconic really. These guys are the strangest most ethereal beings and everyone gets lost in their cult of personality. Always switching up their identity, they think reality is bullshit and well we are all here for it because yall do the strangest things and i just wanna watch what your gonnna do next. but im still trynna figure out how close i wanna get to you because being seen with you is a risk for my reputation, because you clearly dont give a fuck about yours Neptune in the Eleventh - How many acid shirts do you own. Its like your the public personification of 'make love not war and peace bro' and its cool everyone wants a freidn like you, but no one takes your advice seriously. Because your so lost in the make believe that you think your make believe can actually make someone make believe..... But like cmon how the fuck do you think thats going to change anything. WHen has 'peace bro' ever actually worked. do your charities or whatever but i do not see it working as much as you think it can. sorry not sorry. But i do love you. But get a haircut Neptune in the Twelvth - Your literally the type to lick your finger , put it up in the air and say 'yep it going to rain wednesday' then it actually rains wednesday. And your so cooked no one believes you (because why would you) but then it does happen and now eveyrone thinks your even more cooked because what you had cookin is a real recipe. Now everyone wants to know how you have your third eye or whatever open and now you just want to hide again lmao. Also incredible artists, i recommend you guys keep your intuitive insights to yourself because you are right a lot but why tell people when everyone is just going to question how you see signs rather than heed your advice

[booblywooblies]

im gonna post this here bc i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea on main

ive been thinking for a long time about why detransitioners are usually afab, and i think im developing a couple theories. the first one is i think its more difficult to be classified as a man, genuinely, than a woman. i know that seems immediately incorrect bc a big aspect of transmisogyny is denying transfems their womanhood but i think even if transphobes are calling transfems men they dont really mean it. theres been some talk about which trans people have "male privilege" and some people argue transfems do and the most common response to that is that even if transfems are not out they are not regarded as true men, theres something about them that people can pick up on as inherently queer that others them from manhood (sometimes, all of this is sometimes nothing is universal)

i watched a video a while ago about the "incel to trans pipeline" which was kind of about the type of incel that isnt so much concerned with the lack of sex so much as being a failure as a man and how theres a group on like 4chan or something that seek transition not because theyre trans but to escape the pressures of masculinity and i thought that was really interesting

i think that in some ways, despite all the bullshit women go through with being belittled and objectified and disrespected, there is maybe some comfort in being the "weaker" gender, and the more "desireable" gender.

something ive been dealing with that, i mean it hasnt really been a struggle bc i enjoy men even when they are fat and greasy and hairy so im down with being that. theres something thats very weird about losing like, a certain pool of attention i guess. ive been hit with the realization that i will never be attractive to straight men again, and like thats a good thing because i wouldnt want them to see me as a woman im also kinda sad about it? like it feels like im losing a kind of power, even if its not a real power that has any actual use to me

and i probably dont even have to mention how intimidating it is to present myself to the world as a real man, especially when im 5 foot nothing and have H cups. like one thing when it comes to trans men that EVERYONE says about them is they are either basically only men in name, hanging on to their girly habits and interests in a way thats cringy and annoying, or they, in an effort to distance themselves from the first one just adopt toxic masculinity and beef up their own image of themselves by being more misogynistic

and obviously the first end is more on the people putting them down than the guys who are like that themselves, but thats what im really afraid of, ive already experienced being put down for my interests as a girl, the idea of being denied my real gender for any of that stuff is terrifying. and like, its kind of inherently misogynist to want to escape fully from femininity isnt it? and i do value anti-misogyny more than i do masculinity, thats definitely true in my heart. but it sort of feels at odds with each other, its hard to want to be a man, to seek approval as a man, to care about women being taken as seriously as you want to be taken, and to not put anyone down in your path to get there.

like if i wasnt so committed to it, if i believed this was ACTUALLY more in conflict than i really do, i could see myself as having a responsibility to not transition. im sure a lot of people have a different reason for doing that but i think it makes sense that so many afabs detransition because masculinity can break people.

and like BIG BIG BIG disclaimer, im not thinking about detransitioning, i dont think masculinity is inherently toxic, im gay and i have a cis husband, i think men are cool, i think women are cool and i like them a lot i respect them. im just inspecting this because i was not sure why it happens and i figured itd be in my best interest to figure it out, i think i have, i think its difficult and complicated but doesnt apply to me.

im transitioning bc it feels good and i have a man fetish 👍 and no one can stop me motherfucker

[okamixxiii]

Elijah 01

Being on tumblr makes me wanna feel more homely and less professional and then I suddenly remember I can just like,, lore dump anytime I want and post out of a time schedule just like back in 2014. Anyways someone on Deviant Art asked about Elijah! So ill be chatting about him in this moment. Cant say today because LMAO Ill probably be back on here later talking about another oc.

I dont really talk about him as much as I should and I have very few content of him in it. Truth is I purposely dont really expand on him as much as to try and bend/taint his character that I fleshed out for him to be. Its something that happens quite often when I try to dive too deep and I find that by a fault a lot of my characters end up feeling the same-- to me at least. So its a preventative measure.  Here IS what i have about him though: Elijah Alan Spence, Agent Spence, Code name Black Rabbit, or for some: Eli!  He’s an elite agent that has worked his way up through T.K.E.A ranks (ill make a t.k.e.a thing later just check lore tag or somn before I actually decide to learn how to structure my text posts). Although he’s an elite agent dont think that his views align with what T.K.E.A is doing. Hes mostly a ‘good’ guy wrapped up in bad things type deal since I love doing that for some reason.  The initial belief was that he could work his way up and change it that way but its clear that because of him being brought into the agency as only an agent that there was a dead end when it comes to working yourself up to more ceo levels. The highest you can go would be what he is; an elite.  When he realized that was also when he realized that T.K.E.A basically silences any defective agents so there was no way to change things without getting himself murdered. So he was put in a space where he had to continue his job while figuring out how to fix things undercover.  Unfortunately until Chris (when T.K.E.A really started fucking up) there wasnt anything that was really pushing him to just make the jump without thinking.    Now I know that sounds weak ended on his part but let me explain something:  Elijah was very very inspired by tah-dah! 

BBC Sherlock! *1# on all time favorite and comfort shows to watch and HAS seen it 10 times in total. No, Im not joking.*

So if you picked up on this, congratulations! Here's a cookie. Now that means in this he has a very similar qualities as Sherlock Holmes that he cannot operate without thinking things through. Not until a time really calls for it. I am NOT saying that Christian Edens is his John, gods no. In fact his “john” actually was his partner (in the work sense) died at a job.  Its just more or so the situation with Chris was a final straw, one that really made Elijah say ‘enough is enough!’. He may seem brief and brutally honest on the outside that often makes him come across as an asshole but on the inside he truly does have a heart for those in need and a drive to stride for something better for everyone. Its just he will be doing it in his own way and gods forbid if anyone tried to change his direction he laid out for himself. Hes very stubborn. 

Elijah took the cards he was dealt with and made the absolute most of them of what he could. It just, wasnt enough at the time.

Hes highly intelligent, though bit rough around the edges when it comes to socialization. Like Sherlock again as his inspiration, he can make quick deductions but has a hard time keeping his mouth shut when he makes those deductions. Not everyone enjoys his honesty and way of ‘no bullshitting’.  Just because he has a heart doesnt mean he isnt a bit egotistical at times either. Its just not all the time. its like “hey look at how smart I am!”.  Other things to note is wow! Hes a rabbit shifter! His pronouns are he/him strictly and hes *sighs* straight. One of the very f e w ocs I have that are cishet. Though sometimes I do make some interesting hcs about him at least trying things. >_> Idk if ill put those here though. They are sexual in nature. LOL

[pesterloglog]

Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, Terezi Pyrope, Karkat Vantas, Gamzee Makara, Kanaya Maryam

Act 6, page 4349-4350

ARADIA: you see??

ARADIA: i told you they would bring your body

SOLLUX: ok, well i believed y0u about that, but yeah, i can see that.

SOLLUX: eugh, can s0meone get rid 0f that thing please?

ARADIA: oh!!!

ARADIA: sollux lets do it!

SOLLUX: what.

ARADIA: the corpse party!

ARADIA: theres no better time and there are so many corpses here to work with

ARADIA: is everybody ok with that? do you want to have a big corpse party?

ARADIA: we can incinerate the remains in the sun it will be just glorious

ROSE: Corpse party?

ARADIA: rose!

ARADIA: can you please explain to my friends what a human funeral is like?

ROSE: Of course.

ROSE: I would describe it as an occasion marked by a great deal of jubilation at the expense of one or more well dressed cadavers.

DAVE: hahaha oh god

ARADIA: i couldnt have put it better myself

ARADIA: could you go into more detail?

ROSE: Well, in my experience, a loved one, typically an elder, arranges to have the departed placed in a small box, and then forces you to stand in the rain all day.

ROSE: Then, presumably winded by all the deeply ironic catharsis, she gets drunk and passes out on the couch.

DAVE: oh my god we are never going to stop fucking with each other are we

DAVE: even without computers

ARADIA: hmmm that sounds just a tad specific

ARADIA: we may have to adapt the proceedings to be a little more

ARADIA: i dunno

ARADIA: multicultural i guess?

SOLLUX: err...

ARADIA: why dont you all do some brainstorming about what kind of funeral to have while i go round up the bodies!

SOLLUX: aradia, FUCK.

SOLLUX: will y0u co0l it on the c0rpse party shit for a minute?

ARADIA: whats the matter?

SOLLUX: i mean, everyb0dy here has just met, and i guess just went through a l0t of really heavy bullshit, d0 you think that maybe this isn't the best thing t0 harp on right n0w?

ARADIA: um

ARADIA: i just thought it would be a nice thing to bond over

SOLLUX: not everyb0dy is as into death as y0u though. like, it's c0ol t0 see you s0 excited about s0mething, i'm seriously thrilled ab0ut that.

SOLLUX: but frankly it's all pretty fucking morbid t0 everybody, i just th0ught you sh0uld know.

ARADIA: am i really that bad?

TEREZI: Y3S >:|

ARADIA: oh

ARADIA: sorry

ARADIA: i guess ive spent enough time here that i just dont see death as the terrible thing the living make it out to be

ARADIA: i honestly feel like its a reason to celebrate!

TEREZI: TH4TS OK 4R4D14, NO ON3S BL4M1NG YOU

TEREZI: 1 4CTU4LLY TH1NK YOUR WHOL3 D34TH F4NG1RL TH1NG 1S FUNNY 4ND K1ND OF CH4RM1NG >:]

ARADIA: death fan girl thing?

ARADIA: what do you mean

TEREZI: OH COM3 ON

TEREZI: YOU 4R3 PR4CT1C4LLY B3S1D3 YOURS3LF W1TH G1DD1N3SS 4T TH3 1D34 OF S3RV1NG 4S TH3 M41TR3 D TO 4LL DR34M BUBBL3S

TEREZI: YOU LOV3 B31NG TH3 C4R3T4K3R OF W4YW4RD SOULS 4ND DR34M3RS!

TEREZI: LUCK1LY YOU M4K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 H4NDM41D TO TH3 M4ST3R OF D34TH, 3SP3C14LLY 1N YOUR CUT3 CH3RRY P1X13 3NS3MBL3

ARADIA: you think so?

ROSE: I'm going to agree with my fellow seer on this.

TEREZI: S33???

TEREZI: 3V3N SNOOTY M1SS C4NT4LOUP3 ROB3 4GR33S!

TEREZI: OH, 4ND GUYS, JUST FOR TH3 S4K3 OF MULT1CULTUR4L CL4R1TY, W3 TROLLS TR34T D34TH 1TS3LF 4S 4 MYTHOLOG1C4L F1GUR3

TEREZI: H3 1S 4 M4N W1TH 4 FR1GHT3N1NG SKULL FOR 4 H34D 4ND 4 T3RR1BL3 HYPNOT1C GL4R3

TEREZI: 4LL TH3 L3G3NDS S4Y H3S GOT TH1S SUP3R FOXY H4NDM41D TO DO H1S D1RTYWORK

TEREZI: 1 M34N TH1S 1S 4LL F4NT4SY OF COURS3, BUT W3 C4NT R34LLY UND3RST4ND 34CH OTH3RS CULTUR3S UNL3SS W3 UND3RST4ND TH3 MYTHS B3H1ND TH3M!

DAVE: yo terezi weve got a grim reaper too

DAVE: shit isnt that novel

DAVE: i mean i think even a civilization full of the laziest sons of bitches are gonna make up a myth figure for death

DAVE: like oooh watch OUT death is coming for you hes got like

DAVE: a SKULL and shit

DAVE: i basically have no fucking imagination that sounds badass to me

DAVE: wait wait no how about hes got a BLACK ROBE too

DAVE: and a fuckin scythe to fuckin slash at you with in case you didnt die all the way or whatever

DAVE: daaaaaamn now youre talking bro

DAVE: lets go ahead stick that in our culture forever

TEREZI: SO WH4T YOU 4R3 T3LL1NG M3 D4V3 1S

TEREZI: TH4T W3 BOTH H4V3 D34TH *4ND* COTTON C4NDY???

DAVE: hell yes

TEREZI: W3 M1GHT 4S W3LL B3 TH3 S4M3 D4MN SP3C13S!!! >:D

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

KARKAT: IS IT GOING TO SHIT ON EVERYBODY'S GREAT TIME IF I DARE TO BRING UP IMPORTANT THINGS NOW?

KARKAT: IS IT SAFE TO POKE OUR HEADS UP FROM THIS GULCH OF IDIOTIC BANTER AND SEE IF THE COAST IS CLEAR FOR ADULT, BUSINESSLIKE CONVERSATION?

KARKAT: YES, YES, HUMANS, SO NICE TO MEET YOU, AND IT SEEMS YOU'RE GOD TIERS NOW? NEAT, YADA YADA, WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

KARKAT: JUST ONE QUESTION

KARKAT: WE FOLLOWED THAT GREEN BEACON OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE AFTERMATH OF A SUCCESSFUL BLOW UP THE SUN MISSION

KARKAT: AND AFTER A BREAKNECK WARP SPEED JOURNEY IN WHICH MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND *EVER* PSYCHED ME OUT INTO THINKING HE DIED *YET A FUCKING GAIN* BY EXPELLING LITER AFTER GRUESOME LITER OF GRUBSAUCE FROM HIS EVERY ORIFICE

KARKAT: WHAT DO I FIND HERE?

KARKAT: WHY, IN ADDITION TO A PAIR OF HUMANS DRAPED IN CIRCUSWEAR AND ALL THEIR FLIPPANT GIBES LOCKED AND GODDAMN LOADED

KARKAT: IT SEEMS WE HAVE ALSO CHANCED UPON NONE OTHER THAN THE GREEN FUCKING SUN ITSELF

KARKAT: WHICH UNLESS MY RAW, RUDDY GANDERBULBS ARE STILL A LITTLE GRIEFBLEARY, STRIKES ME AS STILL BEING SOMEWHAT RATHER FUCKING *UNBLOWN* UP.

KARKAT: SO WHAT AM I MISSING HERE

DAVE: dude chill out we just got hornswoggled is all

KARKAT: OH!

KARKAT: CASE CLOSED

KARKAT: OK THEN, LET'S START PITCHING DEAD PALS INTO THE LIMITLESS INFERNO. MY CURIOSITY WAS TOTALLY FUCKING SATED JUST THEN!

ARADIA: the sun will never be destroyed karkat

ARADIA: im sorry but you were misinformed!

KARKAT: AH! MORE BREATHTAKING REASSURANCE!

KARKAT: EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE GUYS, WE WERE JUST HORNSWOGGLED AND MISINFORMED, CARRY ON THEN!

KARKAT: WASN'T THE WHOLE POINT TO TAKE OUT THE SUN TO NEUTRALIZE JACK?

ROSE: It shouldn't be a problem.

KARKAT: OH NO??? THEN WHAT'S THE PLAN NOW???

ROSE: It's simple.

ROSE: We regroup, and then defeat him in person.

KARKAT: OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

KARKAT: FUCKING OH.

KARKAT: AND HERE I THOUGHT THE NEW PLAN WAS GOING TO BE SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND SUICIDAL.

KARKAT: DID I SAY OH YET?

KARKAT: BECAUSE THAT'S THE SOUND I MAKE WHEN I'M FUCKING RELIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE: honk.

KARKAT: WHAT.

GAMZEE: HONK.

KARKAT: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

KARKAT: DON'T YOU START WITH ME

KARKAT: DO. NOT. START WITH ME.

KARKAT: I WILL GET YOU IN A HEADLOCK SO TIGHT IT WILL BE A MIRACLE IF PEOPLE DON'T MISTAKE OUR TUSSLE FOR AN ILL CONCEIVED VENTRILOQUIST ACT.

KARKAT: I WILL SHOOSH YOU AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD. I WILL SHOOSH YOUR CLOWN ASS TO SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LA AND BACK, AND FILL YOUR EAR WITH MY WHITE HOT PALEBRO SPITTLE.

KARKAT: I AM FULL AND FUCKING WELL PREPARED TO GET CONCILIATORY WITH YOU AGAIN IF YOU SO MUCH AS PASS GAS MURDEROUSLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

KARKAT: IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??? DO I NEED TO CALM YOUR FAYGO-STICKY TENTSQUATTING SHIT DOWN AGAIN????

GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe.

GAMZEE: :o(

DAVE: man what the hell even happened on this meteor anyway

DAVE: actually dont even tell me

KARKAT: OK

KARKAT: OK YEAH

KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX.

KARKAT: AND BREATHE.

KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT?

KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST

KARKAT: BREATHE

KARKAT: LIKE

KARKAT: THIS...

KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT.

KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON.

KANAYA: Actually I Was Just Thinking

KANAYA: Its Nice To Get A Little Sun After So Long

KARKAT: SURE, THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD FOR YOU.

KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY?

KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT?

KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

TEREZI: K4RK4T YOUR3 3MB4RR4SS1NG US 1N FRONT OF TH3 HUM4NS

KARKAT: FUCK YOU

KARKAT: I CAN'T BREATHE...

KARKAT: IT'S SO BRIGHT, I NEED SUNGLASSES OR SOMETHING.

KARKAT: QUICK, WHICH ONE OF YOU AWESOME DUDES HAS A RADICAL PAIR OF SHADES I CAN BORROW???

KANAYA: One Moment

[toomuchdickfort]

...this is just a vent/rant post, don’t mind it

[kidcooper02]

i know the chances of YJA getting a season 5 are extremely up in the air right now but regardless i know i would still LOVE to hear your thoughts on Bart and Ed's relationship and how what happened in s4 could continue into a hypothetical s5 when it comes to them specifically, if you feel like sharing! your takes are awesome i love reading them

IVE MULLED ABOUT THIS ASK FOR A WEEK BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET WORDS?? BUT I DREW A SHITTY DRAWING TO HELP WITH AN ARC IDEA

(Also just know, I do not understand things when it comes to fictional sciences, I'm making up bullshit and I know it and I apologize if it's painful how wrong I am)

OK SO, Towards the end of season 4 the Legion talked a lot about Chronoton radiation. This is basically radiation specific to timetravel, meaning whoever is exposed to it becomes immune to any timeline changes. Which is why Bart can stick around, Neutron in the future remembers Bart leaving, Yada yada yada..

Basically, Bart's time machine was practically leaking the shit which is how they knew he truly was dealing with time stuff.

So I had an idea about investigating things with the potential to be Chronoton irradiated.

This bleeds into a "Wally's not dead" storyline (I'm not sure which way I fall on how I want it to end tho, with him being alive or not idk I have a differing paths).

Bart's time with the Legion refreshes his memory on time shenanigans, he hasn't needed to think about all the time he messed with since he's been settled into the present and helped with the Reach invasion. Especially with their end scene where they aren't even sure they're going to be able to get back to their own time due to their radiation. I think, besides the whole experience being traumatizing, that conversation could've gotten Bart on a certain path of thinking.

This is where I start making up bullshit lol

With all the crazy shit that goes on around the world (and galaxy) that the League deals with, I imagine some world building could be bunker like locations scattered around to keep inventory on "Shit We Wrecked" for stuff they don't know what to do with but want to hold on to in case. So, up in the North Pole bunker, lies the dormant MFD from the attempted Reach invasion.

Bart is not in the best head space I would think. Lots of past memories of things he went through but also the people who were around him. He's feeling angry and sentimental and a little lost if he's being honest. All this thinking about the people he lost in the future and the ones he lost in the present, boils him over to want to just.....DO something.

There's nothing he can do for Joan, and he knows that. It was a grounded way to go. But Wally? It was rushed and unexpected, it didn't even make sense because no one knew it could even do such a thing. So, why not try to figure out why it happened the way it did. Along the way, get some closure and time to think. (This is a self indulgent thought but if anyone has read "We Look Both Left and Right" by theatrythms on ao3, I'd love to incorporate their Bart backstory into flashback snippets as Bart travels to the North Pole to really examine the MFD for the first time since 2016)

But, Bart can't truly expect to be left alone through all this.

Ed was hurt by Bart's actions, either by not being made aware or by the way Bart seemed to brush off what just happened to him. Ed is feeling all kinds of ways but the one thing he knows is that, Bart needs help. Canary is one thing but Ed would want something more for Bart, more than what he can or the League can provide.

Ed and Bart have a conversation on how everything affected Ed, and open the dialogue for Bart to express everything he went through. But it won't come that easy. Ed had real grounded problems that were triggered by Bart's actions. Bart...hasn't even sorted through the existential nature of himself let alone know where to exactly dig at with his issues. But Bart is a doer, so when he comes up with the idea of investigating the MFD to get closure (really to gain a sense of control over loss), Ed isn't leaving his side (both in he doesn't want Bart doing this alone and, Ed is feeling a little soft. He needs to feel like he isn't alone ((and maybe convince the lost boy inside that Bart needs him too-)))

So, Ed and Bart go on their own little mission to the North Pole. I'm not sure how to organize the rest of my thoughts but stuff I wanna hit on is

Ed keeping and encouraging Bart to having an open dialogue with the others not on their little mission. Just, emphasizing that knowing the Team awaits their correspondence and cares for their wellbeing is something I need Bart to learn (and Ed to get a refresher on)

I think the comic is building up a Markovia n Taos conversation, and I want Ed to have that plot line of being the defender of the MHYC and wanting to know why/how their peers are ending up in Markovia. I want Ed and Brion dialogue (I'd even be down for a fight but I love them both please don't fight)

With Ed wanting to stay by Bart but also having to think about the situation with the MHYC, I want it to be a lesson inside Ed to learn. Coming full circle into potential struggles we talked about Ed having, in which he feels like he isn't worthy of having people stick around for him, having that scab start bleeding again with Bart's mission with the Legion. (Ed feeling like he has to prove himself again to Bart that he's reliable, that Bart doesn't have to leave him because Ed can help!) Letting the two of them talk out this issue, that throwing away your ambitions to support your partner isn't how you "prove" you're "worthwhile." Letting them hug and confess all over again (and for the audience the first time) that they want the other around because they like them, not because of an arbitrary thing they provide. Giving Ed the reassurance that, it's not about physically keeping yourself bound to the other that shows you're not alone

In turn, teaching Bart that it's good to have someone right by your side. That he doesn't have to burden himself into doing things alone. That when he's feeling down, isolation isn't the only thing he can do. That people WANT to be there for him

I just want them to have a healthy dialogue about relying on each other more while also not tying their worth to what they can do for the other

So Ed can feel comfortable having his own storyline of dealing with the Metateens and leaving Bart on his own without the fear Bart will just disappear. And vice versa that Bart can have his moments of silence to piece together his thoughts and feelings, knowing that he has Ed in his corner to come back to him so he won't stay bottled up

Again, that fic I mentioned earlier would be SO GOOD for Bart flashbacks that he can open up about to Ed, real catharsis for Bart to open up and for Ed to be an ear

If they discover Chronoton Radiation on the MFD, what does that mean for Wally? Maybe Bart gets a little "Failsafe" moment in convincing himself this means Wally is alive

MAYBE WE CAN BRING UP THE FACT ED WAS ABLE TO TELEPORT INSIDE GRANNY GOODNESS'S TORTURE POCKET DIMENSION DESPITE NOT SEEING IT AS A PHYSICAL LOCATION AND PRESUMABLY BECAUSE HE JUST TELEPORTED TO BART, and what this could mean about how Ed's power can grow (previously mentioned fic, Ed's only line about teasing Bart that maybe one day he can grow to teleport through time and Bart won't be the only time traveler on the Team anymore.....now wouldn't that be interesting)

ALSO IDK HOW BUT AGAIN, I WANT THEM TO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH THE TEAM BECAUSE ITS IMPORTANT TO ME THAT THEY DONT JUST MOVE FROM ISOLATING THEMSELVES TO ISOLATING WITH ONE ANOTHER, I WANT THIS TO BE A REAL HEALING ARC

BASICALLY, IGNORE THE MAIN PLOT, BART AND ED ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS NOW

Again I'm not sure how I'd end this, end it with proof that Wally is in the time stream and Bart and Ed travel together? Proof that it wasn't quite Chronoton radiation, Wally is dead but Bart learns at least why AND he got a lot more off his chest? I like what both can do

[stoneworldsimp]

what’s mine is not yours —a request

platonic senku x reader

warnings: swearing, anxiety, talk of insecurities and worries, gender dysphoria

your name!

your name!

YOUR NAME!

your hands slapped to your ears, eyes shut tight. i can’t take this so early in the morning.

the voices from your dream had lingered longer than you would have liked. it reminded you it was time to face another day, to endure another long long day and night of hearing the wrong things.

maybe if i went and lived on my own again…i wouldn’t have to deal with it—no. senku needs me. he needs me…what does he need me for again? you rolled onto your stomach; your pillow rustled as you flopped it on top of your head. he doesn’t need me. i’d rather be lonely than hear everyone say some bullshit about me.

everyone in the village knew you as a miss. yuzuriha made you more neutral clothes upon request, but everyone assumed you were tomboyish. luckily, no one read more into it; it was nice to dress comfortably, but it was like no one else understood. why were they still calling you a girl? and the older folks, you knew they meant well! but you couldn’t help but feel like their constant “sweet girl”s were making fun of you at this point.

i can’t do it, i can’t do it, they’re making fun of me right now, as i think. as i exist!

you felt a tear trickle down the side of your nose.

oh, you’re kidding. crying? again? is this—

a knock on your door halted your thoughts; you quickly flipped back and sat up in your bed on the ground of your hut, and wiped your face quickly. you lightly slapped your cheeks to stop yourself from continuing crying.

“yeah.”

“it’s me. can i come in?”

senku’s voice brought some sort of relief; personally you felt it was better for him to come in at such a time than anyone else.

you took a deep breath. “sure, but i just woke up. i’m staying under my blanket.”

senku laughed behind the door. a small shove was made and it opened, revealing a quite chipper senku. he liked to come early in the morning when the rest of the village was quiet.

his smirk faltered once he saw your face. you believed you hid your crying well; you didn’t think to check your red eyes or stinging cheeks.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, his words much gentler than when he asked to come in.

damn. how could i not realize i was so obvious?

with a deep breath, you whispered, “senku.. we’re pretty good friends, right?”

he snickered. “of course we are, way more than that asshole gen.”

his voice was closer. you laughed as well, and wiped your eyes clear. he slowly walked over and sat down on the floor next to you. senku was looking at you, really looking at you; it was intense, almost if he was making sure his closeness or anything about his presence wasn’t bothering you.

“okay…i’m about to say a lot of stuff. let me know if you need me to explain more, or if i’m talking too much. or—“

your words halted as senku put a hand on your shoulder, a smile light on his face. “all ears.”

you smiled back softly. “okay. so—back in..our time,”you gestured between the two of you with your hands, “i told my family and friends i was, uhm… nonbinary. like i don’t feel male or female, i use they/them pronouns; all that good stuff. still feel that way now. and, for quite some time, they didn’t believe me. not in a direct ‘you’re lying’ way, but more of ‘i don’t understand it therefore you shouldn’t understand it’ type of thing. i got a lot of shit from people who weren’t my friends, too. but with my friends’ support and getting more confidence after coming out, my parents were able to kinda see it. but yeah, it took quite some time. probably like.. eight months? even then, i had to remind them constantly, ‘not a daughter. please don’t call me she or he. please don’t call me a woman.’ but we were getting there. and right when we got petrified, right when it happened, i saw the look on my mom’s face.

“we were talking about me and my identity and it was like something had clicked in her brain. like, she knew exactly what i meant and how i felt when i said what it meant to be nonbinary. i don’t even remember what i said specifically, but i remember her expression as if she were standing in front of me right now. i was so hopeful i’d see her again, her expression got me through my petrification and even helped me break out of it. but of COURSE, i didn’t ever see her again after i woke up. and then i almost lost my own sense of self after being by myself for probably a year.. i was under the assumption i’d never meet another person again, so when i did run into your village—i had this gross feeling of dread. and i realized it was the same feeling that basically lived inside of me before i came out.”

you sat up straighter and looked away from senku. “it’s like, i have to rebuild my identity all over again. people always say you shouldn’t care about what other people say, but i can’t help it. i’m a sensitive person. i get hurt easily, no matter how hard i try to thicken my skin. they all, they all just use ‘she’ and ‘her’ and ‘that girl’ so often, it feels like they’re making fun of me, like they’re constantly telling me i’m not who i say i am. and i can’t tell them senku, being nonbinary was confusing for so many people in our time, i hardly believe they’ll understand it now. sure, my parents were fine, but it took a while before they got it. i can only imagine how long it’ll take for everyone here.”

senku was quiet. have you over explained yourself? was it too overbearing? in all honesty you’d only been good friends with senku a short while; you should have waited at least a little bit longer before letting him in on something so personal—

“it all, it all kind of makes sense now.”

huh?! “what?”

“what you told me, i think i get it now.”

you gave him a look up and down. it was possible, but you didn’t think there was much of a chance that senku would be so..cool with it. not right away. you expected some form of silent treatment for at least a day or two, so he could collect his own thoughts.

“i’m gonna say something, and i need you to listen. yeah?”

you stared at him like your brain short-circuited. what the fuck is he gonna say to me.. oh god, he doesn’t wanna be friends anymore. but he’ll be too nice to kick me out of the village. but it is his village—

“hey, hey…are you with me?” you both sat facing each other now, and his hands rested on your shoulders.

just hear him out. “yeah. all ears.”

he smoothed your shoulders with his thumb. “you’re just as valid as everyone out there. i know you’re scared, but believe me when i say they will not be mocking you in any way. sure, it might take a while for them to understand, but theyre not going to give up just because they dont get something right away. it took me a few months to fully convince this village i could help them, and even then, there were still a few who didn’t fully understand the experiments and contraptions i made until a while later. i know that isn’t the same as your situation… but what i’m trying to say is that they will try their best to know you, the real you. they aren’t going to mock you; if anything, they’ll have lots of questions to ask you.

“also, you have me, you have gen to help out in case you don’t have the capacity to answer everything yourself. i’ve a few things about gender before the stone world, and gen definitely knows a lot of things that are relevant to it as well.

“everyone here… they’re all so eager to learn, i highly doubt they’ll be unaccepting. they’ll be curious. and they’ll be happy you’re letting them in on something that is so important.”

tears had made their way down your face and on your clothes halfway through his mini-monologue; you didn’t notice him continuously wiping them away until he was finished. “it’s going to be okay. trust me.”

with a quiet sob, you pushed yourself into his arms for a hug.

“thank you.”

you knew he wasn’t particularly one for any type of physical contact, but he gladly accepted. for the occasion, he thought. his arms slowly wrapped around your slightly shaking body as you tried to calm down. neither of you spoke for a few minutes; only your soft sniffles were heard in the hut.

“senku, i think that was the most i’ve heard you talk about something that wasn’t directly related to science,” you laughed into his neck.

he laughed back. “i had a lot saved, since there were moments i could tell you were kind of uncomfortable. i didn’t want to force you into talking about it either, so i just waited. tried to figure out what i was going to say. it had to be good.. you are one of my closest friends, after all.”

both of you embraced each other a little tighter. “i hope all of this helped, i want you to live here with none of those worries. especially after so many months of having it bottled inside.”

you nodded in response.

today.. today will be the day i tell everyone not to use what they used to call me; that won’t do at all anymore.

today, i’ll tell everyone my name.

[pinkrooms]

yeah i know we all hate twin peaks season 2 but. i still really need to complain about it. the way there is like almost NO reaction to everyone finding out leland raped and killed laura makes me sooo fucking mad every time because not only is it just a stupid reaction to learning something so horrifying but it makes what would have been the entire climax of the series fall flat. the show was always about laura and who killed her and when they finally find out everyone is just like hm ok . i feel like some people could brush off the lack of reaction as 'oh well the whole point of twin peaks is about how a community will ignore the awful things going on in its underbelly' but on god that is just SHITTY writing. at the very least, if that were even the intended message, donna would have had more of a reaction -- i mean discovering your childhood best friend was being raped by her own father, the father you interacted with so often, who you hugged and laughed with.... who murdered three girls your own age.. that should fuck someone up. even if donna was a completely selfish person (which she's not) it makes someone think like 'wow that could have been me. i could have been his next victim'." AND dont even get me started on sarah palmer. she just kind of ? disappears??? like hello she clearly knew something was going on but chose to ignore the signs so she didnt have to deal with it-- but then the truth comes out and shes forced to face it. its such a basic and expected and logical falling action . i mean like LOW HANGING FRUIT.... how idiotic do the writers have to BE.!?!?!? they really just threw out every single character arc, theme, and connection to laura's murder in favor of making stupid little romcom arcs with random new characters with no depth or importance whatsoever. it would honestly be utterly unwatchable if there weren't a few lynch-directed episodes thrown in there. also the way they did throw in some very essential plot points regarding the black lodge etc is infuriating bc like i dont want to sift through all this fucking bullshit to figure out what the symbols in the owl cave mean, which you need to know to understand any of fwwm or the return. UGH anyway fuck network television.

[tigerdrop]

a good friend made these horrid beasts in WWE something-or-other and i went fully fucking bananas drawing and writing about them. theres a whole AU and associated erotica under the cut. See ya

im thinking about how fucking butthurt gordon would be at having to be a heel and he sees benrey just fucking eating up all the attention and everybody booing at him and hes leaning into it so hard and gordon gets blisteringly fucking irritable about it. theyre both heels but gordons just mad that benreys better at it than him

goes out there in his bullshit baby slut wrestling outfit and hes already feeling like the world biggest and most embarrassed idiot and then he has to deal with everybody booing him and putting up their fucking signs saying how much he sucks and theyve all  got really funny jokes on them

i want gordon to have a very small but dedicated group of fans that only like him b/c he looks like hes gonna cry every time he hits the ring.....but he doesnt know that they like him b/c hes pathetic. so he gets genuinely heartened to see the one sign in the crowd telling him that he rules

but..........i think he can turn it all around.........if he gets into tag team wrestling. or, more specifically, gets suckered into being teamed up with the one guy he really cannot fucking stand b/c hes got a fuckin contract to fulfill and he cant really be choose-y as the New Guy. i just think it would make sense! as a gimmick!! producers leaning hard into gordons perceived bitch status and pairing him up with his polar opposite in the ring!!! like being suckered into being the straight man of a comedy duo except a lot more personally embarrassing!!!!

what if he didnt even have to wear that obscene baby slut outfit until they got teamed up with each other and they wanted him to match benreys. b/c they literally fucking match in this godawful WWE game. and the one he picked out for himself was equally humiliating but in a wildly different fashion

like. what if he wanted his gimmick to be "science guy.......with a twist" and so he shows up in a lab coat with the sleeves ripped off and also for some reason he decided to wear a fucking hat like the guy from jamiroquai

anyway . i just think. it would be cool.......if benrey......taught him how to lean into being an asshole for the drama of it by just continuing to do his own thing and shoving gordon into the spotlight with him. it feels less fuckin personal when its two of them thatre being booed! and benreys heel persona - aggressively flirty and campy and leaning very hard into the stereotype of the flaming homosexual - is so much different from his like......flat affect, dead-eyed look and bored tone in "real life" that gordon starts figuring out that theyre not really booing him, theyre booing a character

and gordon starts figuring out how to get cocky! and he starts eating that shit up and getting into the role! he starts to feel the fuckin high of performing with somebody in a super physical environment and it finally just Clicks for him and their chemistry goes off the charts and the crowd is so hyped up and engaged b/c of him, b/c of them

i just think its fucking cool. okay. wrestling is intensely physical and involves a lot more one-on-one contact than most other sports. hot, sweaty and thick gordon with his arms wrapped around benreys throat and wrestling him to the ground......benrey slipping out of his grip and reversing it and forcing him to his stomach, sitting on his back with a bicep wrapped around his throat, waiting for gordon to submit.......its dope! whats fuckign wrong with that!!!

and its, yknow, its really fucking cool when theyre bending each others legs back too. like in that one screenshot. the stretch and burn of the muscle.....benrey pushing just a little too far and smirking down at him just to see how gordon will react......the feeling of being bent like that and exposed by a guy hes been having wayyy too many weird feelings about lately......gordon probably never jerks off so fucking good as he does immediately after a match with benrey, riding the endorphin high of a good performance and a good workout

think about it! all the intimate touching meant to be aggressive.....yelling at him while in kayfabe. grappling and throwing him. touching and being touched. ACCIDENTAL RING BONERS. just.....all that sexual tension coming to a head after months of working together and of benreys glances in the locker room getting more and more blatant. months of benrey blandly commenting on his form while twisting his arm back or hooking an arm under his thigh to bend it up to his chest

sometimes its so intense that gordon swears theyre going to fuck right there in the ring in front of god and everyone. them breaking kayfabe in ring and nobody realizing it.....basically flirting and aggressively bantering and having a good time and they know they personally are going off script but they dont know if the other is. and theyre both showing their horny ass in public in front of thousands of spectators

and then on the eve of the best performance theyve ever had, gordons feeling incredible. a little fucking bounce to his step. and benreys trying really fucking hard to sound nonchalant when he tells gordon he did good out there, but its not easy for him, either......hes got to spend all this time with a guy thats thicker than molasses and a whole head taller than him and whos frequently wrapping his thighs around benreys head for the sake of the sport. who he swears is down to fuck but wont ever make a move in return

and.....maybe its the first time benreys ever said such an earnest compliment to him. maybe it goes right to gordons head, makes him flush and prickle all the way to his ears. and they hit the showers but gordon cant get it out of his head. keeps glancing over to benrey across the way, letting himself look for once. letting himself really think about it

and then he gets rimmed and fucked in the locker rooms i dont know. this is the part where i chicken out every time nowadays. Tried My Best

anyway heres gordon freeman getting fucked in the locker room

ThaNks for read

[karmautistic]

9 and 10 for both Varigo and Cassunzel?

9. Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?

Varigo - My favorite aspect of varigo is probably the how I think they'd act during the pining stage and also post relationship. I like the idea of during the mutual pining stage, they really do have some closer and more real binding moments. The bickering goes from them both arguing angrily to them insulting each other jokingly while smiling. They start to pick up on one another's cues which means they subtly begin to notice when the other is upset. There's lots of nights staying up later with comfort or even just laughing and telling random stories to distract from late night sadness.

Now if we're talking post relationship, I like it because it's soft, but it can be messy. Communication is huge from them. They both came from very fucked up backgrounds, so it's really important they can provide reassurance and patience to one another. Obviously, they keep their playful banter, Hugo's still a bit overzealous and Varian's still a bit ambitious, but for the most part they've dialed it back a bit. Even so, I think they'd have problems arise in their relationship occasionally.

I think Hugo tends to get a bit defensive of Varian whenever anyone is rude to him which is fine, but he tends to take it too far which upsets Varian. Varian has to tell him that while he appreciates the thought and that he wants to defend him, he can take care of himself and in reality, causing a huge scene and arguing with people like that only makes things worse and gives him major anxiety. He doesn't need the approval of all the townsfolk, he has Rapunzel, and Eugene, and all his other friends and more importantly he has Hugo. And he's okay with just that.

On Varian’s end, I think he tends to be a bit more wreckless? He stays up at late hours, he rare cares for his own physical needs and he, in Hugo's words, does "That stupid self-sacrificing hero bullshit that almost gives me a goddamn heart attack!" In short, Hugo is fine with Varian’s ambitious nature, but the way he runs headfirst into things without thinking really scares Hugo because, when working Donella, he's seen first hand how badly those things can end so it sets off his paranoia to no end. I think at some point (the point where he's on the verhe of just screaming and/or sobbing because Varian almost died) he'd have to tell him that it scares him when he does that. He doesn't need some hero to save him or some kind of protector, he needs Varian alive and well. Thats all that matters.

Cassunzel - this one won't be as well thought-out as varigo considering varigo is basically my bread and butter, but I still love them dearly so I will try my best !

So for cassunzel I'd have to say my favorite aspect of their dynamic was more seen in season one? I think Cassandra is still dealing with lots of feelings of jealousy and being overshadowed and it kind of manifests itself in ways that she doesn't even realize are a bjt spiteful until its too late. I think the part I like about this is Rapunzel trying to be a bit more patient as a response...

Cass can be in the wrong sometimes, but she's really not trying to be. She's mostly trying to figure out her emotions of her own trauma and why she feels that way and I think it comes out in the form of jealousy with unhelpful coping mechanisms.

If you don't know, I have BPD, so I struggle a lot with feelings of jealousy, and the way Rapunzel approaches more from the patient side really made me happy. (Not that my jealousy has actually made me do extremely spiteful things, I've found helpful coping skills, but still, sometimes it helps to have that extra help of reassurance.) I like how she acknowledges how Cass' emotions are valid and real and they deserve respect, but she also needs to watch how her emotions can manifest into actions and affect others around her. It's just a very valuable moment for Cass.

On Rapunzel's end, I like the idea that she's always been a bit too... toxicly positive? Like she tends to fall more on the optimistic side which can be helpful at times, but other times it can be a bit worse. I like the way Raps and Cass bounce off each other, because it's almost like she's there to ground her back into reality sometimes. They just kind of perfectly balance each other out to come to more realistic answers.

10. Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)

Varigo - good God, if I see one more person portrat Varian as soft pushover who's only enraptured by Hugo being a pretty boy and just lays down and takes his constant bantering and then they make Hugo a smug asshole who constantly pushes boundaries and is only interested in getting in peoples pants I will actually lose it.

I love thinking of characters as EXTREMELY complex things. I study psychology on the side, and let me tell you human beings are extremely complicated and interesting. I like to think of characters the same. Imagine it as a rubiks cube. Every time you switch one of the sides, its another aspect and depth to their character and it takes forever to solve and ultimately, I dont think it can be "solved."

The character dynamics and interpretations of Hugo and Varian are just... so deep and different and interesting to explore, so it really bums me out when people sand them down into one-dimensional characters, especially stereotypes no less.

Casunzel - Season 3. That's all. /hj

[sukunastoy]

hey, srry to be the one to rant in ur inbox but i saw u were open to anons and ur one of the few ppl ik in this fandom space thts around my age group and i was just wondering. how??

ive been on tumblr and in fandom/fanfic communities since i waz around 15, its basically my main hobby and pretty much the only social outlet i have, and ive just been so down and so lonely because ive been feeling shunned and excluded pretty much everywhere once i disclose my age and i absolutly completely understand WHY bc there r so many younger ppl in these places, but i dont know what else to do. it feels like nothing is fun anymore. the general consensus seems to b that i should just fck off and have some kids and pay bills until i die. how do u deal with it?? are u ever bothered by it? i feel likr a creep for even being here still, but it’s one of the only things i still have tht brings me joy. srry if that was a lot, i feel bad even compareing myself to u in any way because im nowhere near as talented as u are, absolutly delete this if it makes u uncomfortable whatsoever

hope u are doing well yourself 💙 ty for being u

First of all, NEVER be sorry to rant to my inbox!! And I truly feel appreciative for you to tell me all of this. This is a safe space and you're always welcome to it! My reply is a bit long, I didn't want to flood anyone with a super long post, so the rest is beneath the cut.

I completely understand how you feel, about the age thing and the ever present societal norms of "Must be an adult, must have kids, must do this, yada yada". Its depressing as fuck.

I've been into anime and manga since around 13-14 years old (apart from Pokemon which I've loved -And still do!- since the age of 5.)

I always wrote fanfics, always did fanart, even if I thought it was absolute garbage, I was still so happy just doing it. It has been something that got me through the toughest times in my life. I struggle with suicidal depression, always have for as long as I can remember, even back in my single digit days before even becoming a teenager. When I started to reach the age of "adulthood" I started to shy away from what I loved doing because I felt as an adult, I wasn't allowed to enjoy what I truly loved anymore, cause I needed to "grow up." And I did that. For a while. I rarely acknowledged anime. I sold all of my manga, my wall scrolls, my merch. I stopped drawing/writing it as much cause I needed to focus on being an adult, paying my bills, going to college, all that crap.

But, I got worse in my depression. I self harmed, had to go to therapy, had to start medication, and at one point I actually wrote that final goodbye note because I couldn't handle the norm of "being a mature adult" so I figured I must be useless otherwise. If I wasn't happy playing my adult role in society, what was the point of me even living?

During this time I went to college for 3 years, stressing, crying, working on a degree that I didn't even want because I thought it was expected of me. (I've always wanted to go to an art school and get a degree there. But my parents and everyone else in family told me, thats not a real degree. So I left it behind...) For 3 years I wasted my time and money and sanity to try to appease the people who don't pay my bills, don't put food in my mouth and certainly don't do shit for me otherwise, and I finally stopped and thought...

WHY?

WHY am I trying to impress and fit in with people who don't even really know me or provide for me?

I dropped out of the college that was stressing me out. I lost that money, but oh well, I was miserable, and my mental health is more important to me.

I don't want kids. I don't want that boring life of "just work til your dead". I don't want to have boring hobbies that I don't even like just to fit in with the people of my age range who I could care less about.

I'm turning 30 in a few months, and I regret wasting a few years of my life trying to fit into this norm of, bullshit. (And please note to whoever is reading this, if doing a lot of the 'norm' and having a family with kids and everything IS happiness for you, that is beautiful!! I am only referring to the people who don't want that life, and it should NOT be forced upon them.)

I love anime. I love drawing it, writing fics for it, interacting with other people over it, and I don't know why I ever tried to deny that.

I was afraid to return online in the fandoms because surely everyone must only be young teenagers right? Actually, not at all!

I've interacted with SO MANY people near my age range, and, it is truly amazing.

There are lots of people close in age, sometimes they're just a little difficult to find, but they are there, I promise, and they are amazing. I've enjoyed anime more in my adult life now than when I was younger tbh because I stopped caring about what others think and that my age is literally just a number. I'll be 30. So what, that doesn't change what I love. My body is getting older, that's all. I am still ME.

My fiance and I still go out and play Pokemon Go, collect Pokemon cards, like, I have BINDERS full of cards. The store we go to is ALWAYS packed with other people our age and way older who love Pokemon, Digimon, YuGiOh, and all sorts of other anime things they offer there.

These people are out there!

I started being more open with my likes and interests with strangers and coworkers, and I found out a lot of people really are into this, but felt they had to keep it hidden cause they didn't want anyone to think they were weird because of their age.

I surround myself with those who I know are supportive of me, or don't have a problem with my likes and interests and I stay away from those who try to shame me, and I kick them out of my life because I don't need that negativity in my circle. Some people my age who aren't into anime don't have a problem with me being into it at all. They've never shunned me for it. If anyone does, goodbye.

Life is short, its hard, its shitty. It doesn't need to be made worse by trying to appease those who aren't providing for you or feeling like you're not allowed to love what you love. So enjoy the things you love to enjoy. If there's something that you can latch onto that brings honest happiness into your life, cherish it.

I hope this helped in some way...even if just a tiny bit...

I know it was long, but I wanted to explain as much as I could so you don't feel like you're alone or left behind in the fandoms because of age. I tried to deny what brought me joy, and it only brought me more misery. I hated it.

I'm so much happier now, and I truly hope this type of peace comes for you soon as well.

Always feel free to drop in my inbox as anon, I would NEVER delete something like this.

Again, I hope this helped. If I didn't acknowledge something, or seemed to entirely misunderstand, I dearly apologize and please correct me if needed!!

💕 (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

(❁´◡`❁)~Stay shameless!

[pythiaba]

teal deer b4nes a big old asshole on a high horse but their horse is thumbelina the dwarf mini pony cardboard edition and also they proved their point immediately, you guys are too used to people being polite and being able to threaten retaliation with magic. being deity adjacent does not protect your bank account from these hands.

this is long and hours after the fact but ive been biting my digital tongue and whatever! i wanna say it and i will, i am prepared to deal with the consequences of my actions

b4ne absolutely has a point in that using your name on the internet anytime anywhere is a terrible fucking idea. people can get so much off of your name, its stupid. not to mention that people are on here all the time playing ask games about what their favorite things are where theyve lived where theyd like to go, its basically any hackers wet dream for getting into your accounts and stealing your skin.

goin off of their posts, i feel like b4nes been in this field for a hot minute, theyre older than the “average age” of tumblr users (quotations because some of yall act like early 20s when youre 500+), and theyre dead sick and fucking tired of repeating themselves that putting your info online is a terrible idea. so they veer into mega bootyhole territory and within 10 minutes of talking to someone, doxx them to prove their point.

and firstly, you guys go “holy shit how did you do that”

then you all got supremely pissed off at them for doing it because you suddenly realized it was a genuine threat and anyone youve met up to this point has been kind enough to Not Do That.

hi. im capable of doing what b4ne did. the difference is that 1 i dont have any real reason to, 2 because what happened to b4ne would happen to me (you guys getting mad and threatening to show up in my house with magic), and 3 i dont go rubbing that ability in peoples faces. (i do warn people on my pinned with a vague statement about being a hacktivist.)

most you guys arent human. you are powerful! you have magic and godly abilities and teleportation and you go to the moon for fucking fun. even humans largely dont take cybersecurity very seriously, but why would you, you think, you can retaliate by casting thunderwave up the asshole of the next idiot to cross you!

...if you can find them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 ive noticed most of you guys cant seem to be able to visit people without certain requirements being met. idk how you expect to actually do anything but block and report, and tbh they can just make a new account. its very easy

so i get that this doesnt exactly translate as a problem, especially for those of you that live in pocket dimensions and stuff. if you live in a lawless wasteland where you make the rules cuz youre the only person there, go ahead, do what you want, hell keep doing what you want, but im dead serious when i say that not everyone will come in microdick swinging like b4ne did and be polite enough to tell you they did it

bc they did not have to

they are a massive fucking asshole who clearly thinks theyre better than everyone because i sus they dont quite remember how to socialize properly but they have an extremely good point that they proved was a good point. continue to be mad at them for the former but for the love of jack frost understand the consequences of using your name everywhere are very real, s e r i o u s l y we are not required to tell you that we figured out your social in 10 minutes out of curiosity

now. to b4ne!

HI THESE PEOPLE ARE GENUINELY POWERFUL, IDK WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR END OF THE UNIVERSE BUT YOURE A FUCKIN IDIOT AND I CANT WAIT FOR  THE SECOND SOMEONE IS A GOD AND CAN HACK YOU BACK SO YOU GET SOME KARMA WHEN THEY YEET YOU

because itll be hilarious. promise to liveblog it pls

tho ideally if youre firing off all this bullshit you know the best plan is to use a computer and printer from the 90s and take them out back the second they get a whiff of the idea of bluetooth

what is it everyone says about serial killers after they get caught...? “they were so nice!” “so helpful, so kind!”

just because someones kind doesnt mean they wont do certain things is basically what she said.

also, you appear to refuse to engage with what you dont understand if you cant easily talk down to the other party and brush it off like the ramblings of a madman, which is telling of your ability to actually listen and learn, so i dont actually expect much from you reading this post on the offchance you do

‘everything being perfect’, aka the definition of utopia, does indeed straight up not require being nice. what would be a utopia for you likely wouldnt be a utopia for me. maybe my utopia is literal hell /j

utopias are impossible under free will, everyone jot that down (my brothers high school counselor especially). post was stupid and i recommend deleting it makes zero sense

flying in being a colossal asshole to people you just met does not a pleasant and attentive crowd make. you know what you coulda done to prove your point in a kind way without exactly repeating yourself with “dont use your name online”? 

“guys, seriously, i can find a lot. i can prove it, one of you volunteer and ill dm all your information to you. see, now that users wigged because i know that at 3:57pm they took their dog out to pee bc i looked through their ring camera recordings and told them their hair was a mess.”

instead you read like you came here to get an ego boost because nobody irl takes you or your job seriously, and boo fuckin hoo, me too buddy, i just bitch about it like a normal person instead of doxxing some poor bastard at the drop of a hat because i logged in in a pissy mood bc my boss took credit for my code again

you may have knowledge of cybersecurity but youve the attitude of a toddler and i dont know why you bothered making an account on this website. you can get your kicks elsewhere while doing actual good. (no, what you did isnt really good.) consider drinking water, touching grass, taking a deep breath, and playing some neopets. 

continue to be entertaining to patches lest she appear in the shadows of your house and giggle from the corners over the next 4 months while you become increasingly paranoid and withdrawn from the world because youre getting stalked and ghosted by all the people you drove away that coulda helped you

to all of you, this isnt some gotcha, i dont think im better than any of you, but this is extremely frustrating to have backread and im gonna need all of you to take a breath and eat a snickers. 👋

[all-things-mlqc]

Boys reaction to MC who never have date before meeting them. Like, the boys as MC's first love.

My first HC on here and I was memeing half the time while writing it. Included what the boys would do after hearing this news as well because why not. I’m not a Lucien fan but lord have mercy on my soul, I couldn’t help making his romantic af. He is the ideal boyfriend/date minus the l i e s that come in the MS and I hate it. All the crossed out stuff is just commentary because I couldn’t help myself. Hope you enjoy~ Thank you for your ask <3

How the MLQC boys react to being MC’s first love below the cut~

Victor:

Follows with some snarky comment after he calls her “Dummy”.

Let’s be real here, if he doesn’t call her dummy immediately, then something is wrong. Reminds me of when we streamed the first episode of MLQC and we were all yelling “CALL US BAKA” the second Victor came on screen.

While he seems cool and collected on the outside, you can hear the computer shutdown sound play on the inside.

To him, this is a shocking confession.

Victor: I’m not surprised a dummy like you hasn’t been in a serious relationship before.

Victor, internally: How has she never been in a serious relationship before??

He’s not very good at expressing himself honestly through his words but he truly admires MCs hardworking nature.

He finds that very attractive in a woman and is surprised that other men in the line of business haven’t taken their shot with her yet. it’s because they can feel your death stare on the back of their heads, kind sir

One thing he struggles with is being himself. He tries to act like everything is in his control all the time.

Because of this, upon hearing MCs confession, he invites her to a fancy dinner at his penthouse insert Victor’s Dazzling Date because THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. Jkjk haha... unless...

He wants to impress her as much as possible even though he knows deep down that she doesn’t care about what a person has and rather how they are as a person

BUT ALAS. The stress be real for her first boyfriend.

He wants her to know she made a good decision without verbally telling her out of his own bitch mouth I love you, please call me baka so he goes over the top with their first date.

Basically pulls a Mr. Krabs when taking Mrs. Puff on a date. Just add shades to Mr. Krabs to represent Victor’s “I’m calm. I’m chill. I’m all good. We vibin out here.”

All MC wants from him is his honest and genuine thoughts. and a lifetime stock of pudding because good god a girl has chocolate needs

MC eventually figures out Victor’s intentions with all the gifts he rains on her because hE dOesNt nEeD tHeM he can’t give her anything more than a cup of pudding up front

MC knows this and accepts the secret gifts with a smile.

She sends a gift in return to his office the following day along with a thank you for the wonderful date.

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of Victor’s heart rate slowing to the average persons.

Kiro:

insert pikachu meme

This boy is mind blown.

“How have you never been in a relationship before??? That can’t be true!”

Kiro sees the good in everyone, so hearing that MC has never been in a relationship before him is

He gives her a bright smile and playfully hugs her from behind.

The two of them laugh together as he whispers genuinely in her ear,

“I promise to make you happy. You won’t regret it.”

He immediately drags her off to Loveland’s Amusement Park, where they spend the whole day together.

Rides, snacks, games, you name it, they did it all.

Kiro naturally spoils MC without putting much thought to it.

It’s like a reflex for him. It’s just who he is as a person. Always wants to share the happiness in the world with the people he cares about.

As for how anxious he is after hearing the news about being MC’s first love, he is screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.

Almost 100% of the time he has a smile on his face and even convinces himself that he’s not worried about it.

But he is.

It only hits him when he thinks about another man taking MC away from him after seeing her talking with another guy.

MC will catch him without his carefree smile at times and eventually confronts him about it.

He shows her a wide smile and says there’s nothing to worry about.

L I E S. BABIE LEMME HOLD YOU I PROMISE YOU DONT NEED TO WORRY.

After a few attempts of trying to get Kiro to open up about it, he gives in and says he’s worried he’s not good enough for her HAHAHHA, GOOD ONE KIRO

MC, however, turns it around on him

MC: I’m afraid IM the one who isn’t good enough for you.

They both smile and embrace each other, knowing they’ll get through any little concerns like this.

Gavin:

He knows.

We’re talking about the boy who has been in love with MC since high school; Who has protected her behind the scenes ever since he laid eyes on her.

He would know if she had been in a previous or current relationship.

It only comes as a shock when she says she’s never been interested in anyone else romantically before. Lies. Have you seen the other suitors, MC. In a world where guys are that hot, you must’ve had at least 1 crush, c’mon sis.

Gavin respected her personal boundaries and never looked into her personal affairs so he had very little knowledge of her views on other guys.

He gets a little bit nervous, since he believes her standards must be high if she hasn’t been interested in anyone else before.

Does the full on soldier oath, bend the knee cliche which includes “I promise to always protect you” and “Nobody will ever be good enough for you”

Mc: Gavin no...

Gavin: NOBODY WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Spoiler alert: You are waayyyyy too good for me, Gavin.

He doesn’t have too much anxiety over the thought of being MC’s first love though since he’s very good at staying true to himself and knows MC is one to admire that about others.

Gavin is a quiet guy in general. He’s more of an observer and watches MC to take note of what she enjoys.

When he sees her eyes shine bright after seeing a delicious dessert cafe, he offers to take her. He makes sure to express how he also wants to go since he knows she won’t accept unless he is interested as well.

Boy literally has no interests the moment he’s with MC. He is essentially that vine

Doesn’t even wait until the question is over and just “Absolutely. Let’s do it”

MC: But I haven’t even said anything yet...

He isn’t much different from how he is now. Has around the same amount of anxiety just from being in MCs presence.

Boy just wants to PROTECC and is always panicking on the inside but tries to remain calm.

He is very good at calming his anxiety though since he’s had so long to understand what MC values and knows she just loves people for themselves.

That’s all he needs.

Lucien:

His eyes widen slightly at MCs confession.

It’s nothing too mind blowing for him since he knows how refined MC is and how dedicated she is to her work.

It’s still surprising to him that nobody has tried to sweep her off her feet yet.

With how kind MC is, it would be hard for her to refuse a date with a gentleman.

Lucien gently presses a kiss to MCs hand upon hearing her confession.

Lucien: I am honored to be given the opportunity TO WOO to take such a beautiful lady out on a date~ AND MORE PLEASE

Lucien is the definition of a gentleman shhhh we aren’t speaking of current chapters in the main route Lucien. Cover your eyes. Pretend you do not see.

With little to no anxiety showing on his face after the reveal that he is MCs first love, he insists on taking her out to a nice restaurant the most classy and romantic 5 star restaurant Loveland City has to offer as a way to thank her for dealing with his bs (both his bullshit and black swan hahaha I’m so funny oml) being given the opportunity to treat her as a beautiful young lady should be treated.

He’s also more on the less anxious side of being MCs first love.

Lucien is a traditional man and does stuff by the book.

Because of this, he respects and likes the idea of being MCs first love.

He doesn’t go over the top yet isn’t cliche with dates and little actions.

He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Though he may struggle with being openly honest about his own thoughts and feelings, he tries his best to express himself for MC. a lot of the time he just assumes talking to her about his personal affairs would bring her down.

This, however, gets better overtime as they continue to date.

They spend a lovely evening at dinner together and take a midnight stroll through the city oh god city stroll PTSD

He gently wraps his jacket around her bare shoulders with a soft smile as he thanks her once again for believing in him believing he is worthy of her

Bonus:

Shaw:

Shaw, smirking: Is that so?

Oohhhhh you know what that smirk does to me. DOWN BOY D O W N.

He’s surprised but his reaction is very mutual.

His internal thoughts are more on the line of “Hmm I’m her first boyfriend, aye?” and “OYA OYA”

He very likely most definitely places his hand on the wall beside her head and leans in closely to get a reaction from her as he growls,

Shaw: So that means you really like me, yeah? I’m making this way too hot gdi. Shaw stans please enjoy your food

MC looks up to see that same playful smirk resting on his face.

highkey don’t know how to respond because Im just “ok think of 3 things she would probably say and go from there” while my brain just computer error sound

MC: and what about yourself? I’m sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves at you yet you choose me.

He pulls away and places his hands in his pockets with a chuckle.

Shaw: I’ve had my fair share before.

iVe HaD mY fAiR sHarE bEfoRe MY ASS

I’m convinced he’s had one time things with girls purely for information or he isn’t the least bit interested in relationships because he thrives on stimulation and entertainment and nOboDy iS gOoD eNouGh plus he literally asks what people do on dates when taking mc out in his first date in game SO

Either way, this is a LIE. The man can’t relationship for the life of him so he has no RIGHTS to tease her.

Just let him believe or you can try to tease him about it in hopes of getting a little pouty face out of him.

Honestly, their first date would just be the first date we got in the game and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Shaw is a wild child and doesn’t care for romantic dates. at least that’s what he wants you to think

A little insight on his character: He’s very blunt and easily pushes people away all the while keeping them close enough to gather intel. He doesn’t get emotionally attached to anyone and makes sure it’s mutual on both ends. Personal relationships only drag him down, especially in his line of work. He prioritizes other things before relationships which makes him so damn FRUSTRATING BUT I SWEAR I WILL CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A WALNUT JUST YOU WATCH ME.

With that being said, after actually being in a relationship with MC for a while and opening up about their personal lives more, Shaw can be very romantic. He may be awkward for a bit at first since he literally doesn’t know what a date is but he gets there eventually.

He’s still full of fun but is also very gentle and makes sure MC is enjoying herself.

I got sidetracked with the actual HC on this one but Shaw stans need food I NEED FOOD

[necro-hamster]

no idc i feel like shit and i wanna talk abt my weird little fc5 oc. my blog i do what i want. rambles under the cut bc i dont wanna clog up ppl’s dash

anyways. first of all this is abt my weird little fc5 oc danny. he is/was part of the cult, long story short, joined up when he was like 14 because his parents joined and dragged him along.

im not talking abt THAT aspect of their story tho. i wanna talk abt gender LMAO. it’s MY oc and I get to choose how to project. anyways ! i think, first and foremost, for a LONG time (like, from a VERY early age, likely around,, 11-12??) danny thought he was mtf. they knew they didn’t feel exactly MALE, but even then, FEMALE didn’t sit quite right either. but, that’s all danny really knew about ! he was vaguely aware of what being trans was, and it was the only label he could think of that got close to how he felt. they did a lot of private experimenting with using a different name, she/her pronouns, and attempting to look as feminine as possible just to see how it’d make him feel.

truth is, while it did help out a bit, he only came to the conclusion that the label of a woman didn’t exactly sit right either. which was admittedly kind of a relief? danny grew up in a very white, republican area in georgia, and his parents fit right in with the rest of the community, to say the least ! they were assholes !! as i’m sure you can kind of guess by them joining a crazy murder cult and forcing their kid to join with them despite not wanting to. lol.

either way, danny was pretty relieved to come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to necessarily TRANSITION in any way, they still felt ... off??? if you’re trans you know what i mean. that just constant feeling of WRONG. especially once puberty hit !!! facial hair in particular gives him pretty horrible dysphoria, and they’ve always been glad that they can’t seem to really grow it out much past patchy stubble, given the ‘no shaving’ rule the cult seems to have.

danny identified as a cis male for years. he figured out that he was bi around 16, and figured that maybe THAT was what had been causing him so much discomfort. it wasn’t. obviously. he went through this same cycle for YEARS, even after he left eden’s gate, of “i’m a cis male” -> “i don’t feel male” -> “maybe i’m a woman” -> “i don’t feel like a woman” -> “i’m a cis male”, rinse and repeat.

(keep in mind i personally go w/ an ending where the collapse doesn’t happen because i do what i want and the ending is open ended anyways lmao. same basic thing happens in the situation where the collapse DOES happen tho, just takes a lil while longer to get there.)

finally, at around 22, danny learned about the term nonbinary, and it really was just like an instant click. they were talking to a friend who told him they were nonbinary, and he just felt like “oh, me too”, once they explained what it was. obviously, being nb is a whole complex experience, and there was still a LOT of treading water he had to do before fully figuring himself out.

but i literally refuse to give a nb character a shitty ending so as of now !! danny’s come to a very comfortable conclusion that they’re nonbinary, and use he/they pronouns. they’re okay with presenting primarily masculine and are quite frankly very proud of themself for finally figuring out their gender identity tbh. their shitty parents and relatives/”friends” are out of their life (completely cut out) so they don’t ever have to deal with any of THAT bullshit, luckily. :^)

[wooorm]

tell us abt the benzen :)c go wild go crazy

Ah, 

well it all started when one day, when Benry was a wittle baby child (age 16) walking home and he spots some cute boy about his age, beyblade in hand and lighter in the other. With Benry watching in amazement as the young arsonist lights that bitch on fire and launches that bitch into a trash can lid. truly a sight to behold, and in that moment benry knew he had to meet this guy, like seriously dudes chaotic energy? off the fucking charts,,  so they get to talking and eventually become best friends :) 

They do normal friend stuff, hanging out, doing dumb shit, holding hands and smooching.. oh.. And they hang out alot, like alot theyre inseparable. Mostly bc Forzen’s home life is absolute dog shit but he has benny to help him through all that,,  all while Benry is indirectly helping Forzen figure himself out- he soon figures out why he feels the discomfort he feels about himself and then it hits forzen- hes transgender (he already figured he was bisexual at this point) Benry even offers to cut Forzen’s hair in a way that he sees fit, and then its a double combo for forzen as he figures out that he most definitely has feelings for his very best friend- 

Now, forzen fucking around and finding out he trans? good- bad part about that is Forzen’s fam isnt really into the trans idea,, so Forzen starts to hang around benry’s house even more than usual even tho benry’s house is p cramp with family-- 

pretty soon, the boy’s are 18 and forzen’s dysphoria only grows and his home life gets worse, and the pressure is on- he doesnt have any good career skills that could make a liveable wage (i mean he did barely pass highschool) and the only viable option he thinks he could make it on is going into the military, ofc benry opposes this... alot,, to where they argue about it furiously,, eventually causing a falling out with the two, to where they dont speak to each for a day. This kills the both of them inside but they both have different ways of dealing with the situation,,

  benry musters up the courage to actually talk to forzen and work things out before forzen heads off, he quickly makes a break for it to forzens house. knocking on the door only to be greeted by one of forzen’s siblings. Benrys heart drops as the words escape that relatives lips, “he already left bud- sorry” benry can hardly hold back the tears as he leaves his former friends house, sweet voice escaping his mouth. Yellow to black. 

Benry never really was the same after that, he seemed less enthusiastic about things he previously enjoyed, even taking that stupid security guard job at that dollar store area 51 knock off,,, 

cut to the res cas

Forzen is assigned to go to black mesa,, realizing that this is the same facillity that his old friend had mentioned before from overhearing his fellow comrades. As soon as he can he guns into black mesa with only one thing on the brain- 

switching over to benry,, the little snoop, no clipping through walls, joining and leaving the science team ever now and again. He eventually finds out that the military is here and what if ya know? what if his friend from the past is here? So he makes it his own personal mission to find Forzen. Just so scared of every dead bootboy body, not knowing if its the one hes looking for.. sometimes mistakenly sweet voicing bodies that very much could be Forzen. With both looking for each other the search is on... 

and then, like a spot light on either one of them they find what theyre looking for, across one of the many sprawling rooms in back mesa of all places, theyre eyes meet-  in an instant their body’s cling to one another as if neither one had felt touch before. There’s only a few ‘i missed you’s before theyre kissing. Forzen holding up benry in his arms tightly, not wanting to let go... After that theyre practically inseparable again, walking around black mesa as if nothings goinging on, catching up and talking. They agree to meet up again later,, but forzen’s got other plans to make that happen sooner,,, he’s even got the plan and dog to do do so-- 

// so i basically hc that forzen only held sunkist hostage so he could trade her for benry and he could look like a hero and possibly start to make up for leaving like he did, but all that is foiled when everyone but benry shows up, and now he has to improvise, thus the “dispel the rumor” bullshit--

after the res cas, benry and forzen make their mutual loving official and move in together like they always wanted to do,, and everything great! 

... 

...

“wait a minute- no you hurt me-” 

and a big argument starts and its bad. Benry is a crying, sweet voicing mess and forzen just wants to run away again. Both gordon and tommy have to intervene and talk both of them down from ‘this isnt going to work out’ 

ofc forzen feels bad for leaving the way he did, at the time it seemed like the best way to leave so he wouldnt feel bad about leaving benry and hoping benry wouldnt be hurt as bad in the long run. Forzen was trapped and needed an escape. He does realize that things could have been handled better and he often beats himself up for hurting benry the way he did and he would do anything for benry to make it up to him. After forzen apologized n shit benry doesnt even think much of it now, hes just glad hes finally with the one he loved all those years ago, and they can actually stay together this time <3

thank you for sitting here and listening to me ramble insanely about to funny men from halflife parody :0)

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg