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unfortunatelyilikebnha · 5 months ago

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The best tdmd moments/things (to me; vaguely but not entirely chronological) (also I haven’t read the manga in ages and I’ve only - recently at least - rewatched bits and pieces so some of this is paraphrased while some of it I went back through to get exact quotes and NO I’m not going to do that for all of them it would take too long) (readmore bc it’s a lot):

- “As the crowd shouted, trying to make Sero feel better, Todoroki took a moment to melt his opponent from the ice prison he’d created. For some reason, in that moment, he looked very sad to me.” Ok so this is not the sports festival moment everyone talks about but it LIVES in my head ABSOLUTELY RENT FREE. It’s like, we know Todoroki’s been watching Midoriya for a while, mostly due to his obvious connection with All Might, but in this moment, while everyone is focusing on Sero, Midoriya is Watching Todoroki Back. He Sees Him.

- MIDORIYA TELLING ENDEAVOR THAT HE IS NOT ALL MIGHT AND SHOUTO IS NOT HIM. Midoriya is freeeeeaked tf out bc endvr is intimidating + he’s worried he’ll discover the secret of OFA but the SECOND endvr starts talking like an asshole, Midoriya SHUTS THAT SHIT DOWN. Again, Midoriya has had like ONE conversation with Todoroki and actively Really Wants To Get Away From Endeavor, but he just gets so mad about the way that Endeavor’s talking that he pauses his retreat to correct him and I think that’s beautiful.

- One of Todoroki’s episodes/chapters being titled “The boy born with everything” and how you could easily contrast Midoriya as “The boy born with nothing” (I could not find a definitive answer on whether canon actually calls him that but like). The juxtaposition of their opposite struggles and the underlying understanding that underneath it all they are really not that different. That they have both suffered, and are both trying to make the most of a power with a difficult legacy. (This brings me to the next point because -)

- “It’s your power, isn’t it?”/“It’s yours! Your quirk, not his!” Yeah. I don’t even have to explain this one I think, everyone knows it’s THE tddk moment. I’ll forever die on the hill that Todoroki should’ve found out about OFA sooner and we should’ve had a direct reversal while Midoriya was still struggling with thinking of OFA as his quirk instead of All Might’s and Todoroki repeats Midoriya’s words right back at him. I mean, Horikoshi LOVES to do that (see: repetition of “body moved without thinking”, “meddling when you aren’t asked to is the essence of being a hero”, “that’s what friends are for, right?” etc) the setup was RIGHT THERE, like taking my shipping goggles or whatever off for a second I think it would’ve been a great addition to the story regardless bc it’s an example of how Midoriya has helped other people AND a reminder that he has not quite conceptualized the advice he gives others for himself! Even without that though, we see how important this moment was to Todoroki literally throughout the rest of his arc, to the point that

- “Midoriya, this is my power. Thank you.” IF WE DIDNT GET TDRK TELLING MDYA THAT OFA WAS HIS QUIRK, AT LEAST WE GOT THIS. MY GOD. I was trying to go mostly chronologically, but since we’re talking about a follow-up to “It’s your power, isn’t it?” I HAD to mention this scene next. It’s a really lovely moment because 1) it’s an acknowledgement of how much Todoroki’s grown (which he did on his own! Midoriya reminded him of why he wanted to become a hero in the first place, and he had a lot of support from friends (& teachers/family) but TODOROKI decided to put in the work to become the kind of hero he wanted to be!) and 2) it’s a reminder to Midoriya that he has made a positive impact and helped the people around him, which I think he’s probably struggling with since this is like. Soon after his dropout arc iirc. (Also: it’s a cool new super move that Todoroki developed himself to try to create a better future for his family!! Which, setting aside how beautiful it is that Todoroki has crafted his fire into something that won’t hurt, is also fun bc Midoriya loves quirks and gets to nerd out over Todoroki’s cool new move lol)

- TODOROKI SHOWING UP TO THE STAIN FIGHT. Todoroki has been friends with Midoriya for like a week and gets a location pin with no other context and IMMEDIATELY deduces that 1) Midoriya’s not the kind of guy to randomly drop his location so 2) he must be in danger, and 3) IMMEDIATELY TELLS ENDEAVOR HE’S GOING TO CHECK OUT THE LOCATION AND TO BRING BACKUP TO THERE AFTER HE’S DONE FIGHTING BC HE THINKS HIS FRIEND’S IN TROUBLE. When he actually shows up the first thing he says is something like “Midoriya you should include more details at a time like this. It took me a while to figure out what you meant and I could’ve been too late” but we literally see in the flashback that he figured this all out in like 2 seconds and IMMEDIATELY came to support Midoriya AND SECURED BACKUP. Every person in Midoriya’s phone received the location pin and expressed various levels of curiosity/concern about it in hindsight but Todoroki figured it out right away and immediately came to help (this isn’t a knock on the rest of 1a btw iirc the rest of them weren’t even in Hosu so there’s not anything they really could’ve done about it besides report it - which iirc Kirishima did -, it’s just that Todoroki WAS in Hosu and DID figure it out so he immediately went to help and it was that simple for him). Todoroki also just like. Instantly accepts that ok, Midoriya and Iida were fighting a serial killer, Guess He’s Also Fighting A Serial Killer Now. ALL THIS FOR HIS FRIEND OF A WEEK. This is one of the core tenets of tddkism to me: they are as ride-or-die as they come. Also notable: Midoriya is not generally in the habit of asking for help. The fact that he did, knowing nothing might come of it, AND TODOROKI SHOWED UP EXACTLY WHEN HE NEEDED HIM??? Can we acknowledge how much that probably meant to Midoriya. Also the start of tdiimd as a trio, which this post isn’t really about, but I can’t completely leave Iida out when talking abt the stain fight that’d be fucked up :(

- “We’ll protect them together”. Yes ik, another Stain fight moment, but I believe this line deserves its own point because, again, Todoroki has been Midoriya’s friend for like a week. Immediately prior to Todoroki saying this, he tells Midoriya that his plan is risky. It’s one thing to recognize Midoriya’s text as a call for help and run to be his backup, it’s another thing to let Midoriya take the strategic lead when he’s already injured and the plan itself could be dangerous. But Todoroki puts his trust in Midoriya and says they’ll protect them together, showing his confidence in Midoriya’s strategic prowess AND battle planning ability.

- “You’re a kind person, Todoroki”. Ok I’ll get this out of the way: I have issues with how the writing of this chapter could be read as implying that being a kind person automatically means you have to forgive the person who hurt you. Ik Midoriya tells Todoroki that it’s ok not to forgive Endvr if he doesn’t want to, but the way he follows it up with the fact that he’s a kind person and the assumption that he wants to forgive Endvr...aren’t my favorite. I think it kind of makes sense for Midoriya to think like this given his own experiences (and also. Midoriya is 15, some of his wording is gonna be a little bit awkward sometimes, so I don’t think that’s the only possible interpretation of what he said), but I wish that if that was the intention, there’d be a moment later on where this view was challenged and Midoriya really internalized that you can be kind and still not forgive someone who’s hurt you. THAT BEING SAID, of all the things that Todoroki is called on a regular basis, and of all the qualities Todoroki associates with himself, I don’t think “kind” is necessarily one of them. “Kindness” was not exactly a virtue that Endeavor seemed to prioritize instilling in him (and though Rei probably would’ve, she WAS absent for much of Shouto’s childhood), and he spent so much time building his walls and striving to defy his dad that it’s not something people tend to immediately pinpoint about him. Todoroki really IS kind though, and Midoriya recognizes that AND makes it a point to tell him. For Todoroki, who has worked on himself quite a lot, and just invited friends to his house probably for the first time ever + gone through a tense family dinner in front of them, I think that probably meant a lot (and his expression in that panel is so cute. Ough).

- “Thank you for being Shouto’s friend”. I think the fact that Fuyumi recognized how meaningful their friendship was and thanked Izuku for it was so significant for both of them, like neither of them, as far as we know, HAD a lot of friends prior to attending UA so the acknowledgement that it is a big deal that they befriended each other is special <3

- Tdrk catching Mdya (and bkg and endvr but this ain’t about them) during the first war arc. He doesn’t know shit about OFA at this point but he followed Midoriya to the front lines anyways.

- Todoroki tucking Midoriya in in 327 and putting a hand on his shoulder in 32…8? 9? Fuck if I know I haven’t read the manga in ages. Anyways. These are both tiny moments but I’m grouping them together bc they really show how Todoroki is there for Midoriya, in the way that he’s always noticing things about him, that he’s RELIABLE, he WANTS to be there for Midoriya like Midoriya was there for Todoroki and that manifests both in following him into terrifying fights and in the small gestures of support. Todoroki NOTICES when something’s wrong, and when he has the necessary context he steps up to help.

Bonus mentions:

- the “are you all might’s secret love child or something?” convo in its entirety. Between the Todoroki Family Trauma Dump, Midoriya sympathizing with Todoroki and realizing that despite how different their lives have been, they’re very similar, the beginning of Midoriya’s desire to help Todoroki, and the beginning of Midoriya really Seeing Todoroki, it sets the groundwork for the start of something beautiful

- AFO: “pay close attention to them, tomura shigaraki. These two could prove to be formidable obstacles to you one day”. / AM: “they may have more in common than they realize. They both have such an intense vibe about them.” The fact that both AFO and AM comment on the tdmd sports festival match leads me to believe that originally their relationship (in the original story I’m talking about the platonic sense but read this any way you will since. This IS a post abt why I ship them) was supposed to be more central to the plot, in this essay I will - (<- ramblings of a crazy person but like!!! Both AM and AFO!! And you’re telling me it didn’t mean anything??? Come on!!)

- Also “you’re helping your opponent. You’re a fool.” Their matching maniacal grins after Midoriya prompts Todoroki to use his fire. Todoroki’s softer smile and little tear. Mdya’s “Amazing…”. Them immediately deciding to go full force regardless if it kills them (IMPORTANT FACT ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY’RE INSANE <3). “Midoriya…thank you.” (OUGHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭)

- MDYA YELLING “DONT GIVE UP” DURING THE TDRK/BKG MATCH AND FOR A BRIEF MOMENT TODOROKI STARTS USING HIS FIRE AGAIN. Ik he ultimately doesn’t end up using his fire, but that makes SENSE, you can’t process all that trauma immediately, it takes time!! The fact that for a moment, Midoriya’s voice was enough to allow him to use his fire so soon after his life-altering revelation in the tdmd match is so important to me though :( (and the fact that Midoriya’s willing to 1) root for Todoroki and 2) root for him loud enough that both Todoroki and Bkg can hear,,, ohh tdmd are so special to me)

- their little convo at the training camp. “You have a habit of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong” lol (paraphrased). Underrated tdmd thing is that they’re willing to tell it to each other straight. But also, the genuinely good advice of “words themselves aren’t enough, actions are also needed to get through to someone” (again, paraphrased) (reminder of how Mdya helped Tdrk!! W/ words AND actions!! And now he’s helping Mdya help Kota!)

- “I don’t know, I think heroes cry when they need to probably” - acknowledges Mdya’s crying as a positive trait bc when he’s not crying it means he’s repressing things, also serves as a reminder that heroes are people too (a similar sentiment to Uraraka’s “who will save the heroes when they need saving?”). Serves to remind Mdya that his crying doesn’t make him less of a hero + it’s ok to feel things. Also Tdiimd.

- “You can’t even cry”/“Let us share that burden together” (this is like. Veeeery paraphrased I’m sorry I don’t have access to the chapter and I’m too lazy to rewatch). The whole class said very meaningful things to try to get Midoriya to come back, but even though he wasn’t ultimately the one to fully get through to him (SHOUTOUT TO IIDA ILY IIDA THIS POST ISNT ABOUT HIM EITHER BUT JUST KNOW I CANT WATCH THAT SCENE WITHOUT TEARING UP THEY R SO DEAR TO ME) Todoroki’s is one of my favorites bc sure maybe he doesn’t understand what it’s like to have no quirk and then suddenly have a quirk that’s actually seven quirks and have a pretty much all-powerful supervillain hunting him down but he DOES understand the burden of trying to shoulder the crushing legacy of a top hero, and here he reaches out to Midoriya once more reminding him that his tears are a good thing and offering to share the burden and help Midoriya like Midoriya’s helped him.

- Light novel moments: Mdya teaching Tdrk how to make AM origami and Tdrk sending it to Rei, Tdrk going to return Mdyas pencil and admiring Mdyas AM figure and Mdya trying to give it to him bc he has another one but Tdrk refuses bc he doesn’t want to damage it so he suggests he just come visit it instead (I haven’t read the light novels but I’ve seen these excerpts and I love them dearly) (these are just all really cute it’s nice to see what they’re like outside of doing hero stuff)

- Todoroki’s “Midoriya Sense” (yes this is a fandom joke based on like the stain incident + noticing smth was up during the “heroes cry too” incident + Todoroki asking abt him before the cultural festival etc but it IS genuinely very sweet that Todoroki is always looking out for Midoriya and trying his best to help when he can)

- TODOROKI TELLING MIDORIYA TO REMOVE THE BATTERIES FROM HIS PHONE SO THE GOVERNMENT COULDNT TRACK HIM WHILE HE WAS ON THE RUN BC HE WAS A MURDER SUSPECT. Now I haven’t watched the third movie so I may be wrong about the details but it was VERY funny of Tdrk to be like “did you kill people??? Never mind that actually here’s how to avoid the government” (paraphrased for comedic effect)

-“Midoriya and the others” (cute, something Shouto says…several times lmao) (Izuku has also said “Todoroki and the others” at least once (in the first movie) but I’m not aware of it being a recurring phrase like “Midoriya and the others”)

#this is so varied in quality I’m sorry lmao. but I wrote this at like 4 am and I don’t feel like editing it #(…that much. I edited it a little bit)#tododeku #todomido #tddk #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #‘Julia this is basically every time they interacted’ well yes!!#its 2025. I’m barely even into bnha anymore. but I’m still insane about them.#also this post isn’t about iida BUT IT COULD BE. I COULD PUT HIM IN HERE TOO. TDIIMD MY BELOVED.#it killed me a little to not mention him that much bc this post is abt tdmd as a ship bc they r my. sighs. otp.#(I’m almost 23 years old it feels so dumb to use that word and yet)#(edit: oh shit I am 23 I left this in the drafts too long)#but tdiimd both as a ship and the hosu trio friendship is sooooooo important to me tdiimd are sooooooo important to each other #both bc they care abt each other as people and have been through a lot together and in how they’ve affected each other’s growth #(see: Tdrk inspiring iida to ‘be the hero you want to be’ after Mdya inspired him to do the same #& iida being the one to catch Mdya during the vigilante arc w/ help from Tdrk + 1a & repeating the ‘that’s what friends are for’ line)#(and don’t get me started on the iida/mdya/uraraka trio & how canonically important to each other they are.#or the shouchako friendship that exists mostly in my head. bc this post is about tdmd.)#(but it’s also important to me that you know Iida and Uraraka are so important to Midoriya and Todoroki and each other as well okay? okay??#sorry I have chronic ‘have to yap in the tags’ disease.#anyways to me tdmd is about:#1) the ways they parallel and contrast each other #2) their deep understanding of each other in a way that imo no other character really has #(and the ways that they DON’T understand each other despite all their similarities)#3) their ride-or-die nature that manifests in both grand dramatic gestures and tiny moments of support #oh yeah and how well they work together as a hero team is pretty cool too #anyways we’re freeing this from the drafts idc #I just need yall to know that I never moved on and likely never will

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eggs-can-draw · 1 month ago

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Broooooo these fics in my google docs are so banger can’t wait for them to update

#eggs can speak #I’m having feelings about in my heart again h elp #I have a baby cookin on my notes app who has been cooking for a William years and all these metaphor fic ideas I GOTTA get too #but maybe I could also write a little more in my heart #oh my god wait I got the name of my own damn fic wrong it’s in YOUR heart #it’s a uh. a lyric #cause I’m basic #but like it has meaning yk. later. in the plot. that hasn’t been written #in your heart (there’s a spot for me) yk. yk yk yk.#Guy who writes a persona post game fic that won’t have much p4 so desperately tries to remind the writer that yes p4 also happened #the fic has that (featuring Naoto Shirogane from hit Persona 4 series sticker on tha front)#I’m normal #the hamugis lore in that fic that I will likely never explicitly state but the tldr is they broke up cause of the whole p3 ending :[#but got back together a few years later after like. growing up and shit and going to therapy and healing. also so I don’t have to rewrite #arena to have Minako in it she just skipped out on that one. girl was busy furthering her education she’s a kindergarten teacher #the shadow ops are a thing for the side so Mitsuru has an excuse to give Minako large sums of cash whenever she feels like it #it’s her love language. money blast. also so shinjiro can be around. you understand.#I need to finish all of my fics forever but that also requires me to write them I hate this life

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iamfuckingsorry · 2 months ago

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oh god i'm like an ep and a half into arcane and i'm already like. yes. yes y'all were right i see it too. i 100% see what y'all mean with jayvik.

they've talked once so far

#herr's personal tag #do i put this in the arcane tag? surely it's not a substantial enough post for that #maybe the jayvik tag's better lol #jayvik #i personally love watching people get really into my favourite shit so. enjoy y'all #like. jayce says one thing ONE THING about magic and viktor's like.#“oh”#“ohhhhhhh”#“i need to find this guy and start working with him he's perfect he's exactly what i need”#“i literally /just/ listened to a bunch of important people talking about how even just thinking about this will get you banished”#“this jayce guy basically just got his life ruined because of the things he worked with”#“it's just /so fucking cool/ if he's right tho. gotta find him.”#can't wait to see them actually work together

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technovillain · 7 months ago

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I am once again eyeballing the weekly singer-songwriter events at my local music venue... when am i gonna restring my guitar and quit being a scaredy pants.....

#i have....songse.....#but idkkkkkk #i can't say i've never performed in front of ppl before. that would be the biggest lie of all time.#i've done theatre actively since i was 9 years old.#but likeee.... im shyy (i am not)#and i know these events have to be like so lowkey....#but i am a perfectionist #and i think i would die if i fucked up playing my basic guitar chords in front of a bunch of local strangers #so i have to get my shit back together with guitar #and i would maybeee have my sis go with me the first time... i need reassurance aghghgh #i just have lowkey low self esteem as a performer bc of my theatre past. and i have 2 believe that i am good actually...#.txt #goals for next year!!! i will do that!!!!!!!

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narwhalandchill · 1 year ago

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its been like. nearly a year (How.) already but i cannot lie theres Still a part in the back of my brain occupied with and being thoroughly entertained by the way that childes confirmed 4.0 complete self-awareness over waking up the narwhal at 14 recontextualizes some key liyue things leading to some very funny self indulgent scenarios in my head

like yes chili is old news its basic please excuse me for predictable popular ship crimes (do NOT however associate me w the crimes of fanon against their actual range. theyre peak to Me) but i just keep replaying the imagery of zhongli and childe back on their homoerotic Professional Working Relationship bullshit where their flirting passed the jkjk unless treshold of even remotely plausible deniability like 8 exorbitantly priced business dinners ago and theyre just like. doing that whole song and dance now neither committing to a move except zhonglis presently feeling moderately conflicted (but nonetheless fairly unfazed at) by the prospects of actually developing some sort of a thing for the harbinger hes supposed to puppet master into executing the major story climax of his 67-step retirement plan bc he turned out to be quite the strangely charming ginger specimen (to His weird fucking 6000 year old tastes at least. they deserve each other) with some fascinating life ambitions he cant help but be enraptured by.

but because hes still 100% Locked In on his entire plan zhonglis also just . simultaneously dual wielding his coy-ass "i like you and am taking it slow to Savor this developing relationship (Also bc of the Geo Archon Shaped Elephant In The Room) except am old as shit so my languid sense of time inadvertedly Automatically turns my behavior into an equivalent of the dark souls boss of playing hard2get" act (cue "waddup im ajax 24 and im in fucking agony with this hot funeral consultant". Yes they live like this) AND also meticulously theorycrafting like 12 moves in advance for his 6d chess play of leaving the most subtly crafted trail of breadcrumbs behind for the tsaritsas 11th to follow into the intended & completely "Coincidental" idea of unleashing the one particular sealed sea deity that zhongli Specifically wants momentarily released for his sweet 6k retirement party and graduation test for the nation hes helicopter parented for 3.7k years .

like. this is zhongli we r talking about the guy Absolutely has it planned out down to a fucking art like he has an entire branching path dialogue tree planned and memorized like its a visual novel for every possible way he can conveniently namedrop osial in a non-suspect way and also that he just happens to be sealed right over there across the harbor (what a coincidence!) and also to slip in the intel about the latent power of the sigil of permission etc etc. like zhonglis just out there doing all this massive galaxy brain computational work simultaneously while infodumping on an academic level about whichever subject childes latest random comment of amicable small talk happened to remind him of because in his helicopter parent in remission mind its Absolutely Critical that the idea about releasing osial occurs Completely organically in childes mind it Has to he Cannot risk revealing anything . (hes in remission not in recovery guys.) so like here we are. he requested notes from the tsaritsa Personally on the character of her 11th just to ensure every move was painstakingly crafted to draw him Specifically to the intended conclusion without risking revealing his true identity .

except. the thing . neither he. nor the tsaritsa . would have been informed of . is that this simply isnt childes first fucking rodeo waking up an eldritch city sized sea creature . and he is very well aware of this fact . he woke that beautiful wonderful beloved huge fucking narwhal up by himself had his brain chemistry Immediately and Irrevocably rewired as a direct consequence do you fucking think hes somehow stopped thinking about that singular moment for even a second since then???

yeah . thought so.

so what actually ends up happening in reality is theyll be on another definitely-serious-business-not-just-a-date and zhonglis going to get down to like dialogue selection part 10 of the 86 step conversation tree at Most where hes only beginning to like Vaguely allude to the key pieces of information involved but it turns out Because Hes That Guy (TM) And Has Been There Done That Before childes basic pattern recognition and sense of irony simply proceed to kick in Way ahead of time and hes Immediately perking up like Hey wouldnt it be really fucking funny if i wake up an eldritch sea beast Again . like just in case. as a last ditch effort .

and zhonglis just sitting there seeing the gears turn in his head as they enjoy their cringe fucking picnic (bc they just stare at each other intently like that nowadays its a thing. being in a room with them by this point is essentially a human rights violation) and is just completely fucking flabbergasted and lost on how in the hell childes speedran his way to that conclusion at what amounts to barely a 13% completion rate in his whole overkill fucking plan (just 1 of 3 contingencies btw) and its like yes he has his intended outcome but also precisely 0 idea on how the fuck said outcome was reached the way it was this fast . like hes still winning its His plan thats well underway and ahead of schedule but How

(pov: ur selling the concept of waking up destructive sea creatures to the guy who woke up a celestial body eating cosmic whale at 14)

anyway its truly beautiful i absolutely detest these two and have prime liyue AQ hijinks nostalgia now thank you for the lore drop that allowed this to become canon in my head hoyo

#im sorry for completely out of nowhere ship posting dude idk where this came from . i had to get it off my chest ig . runs away #chili my dearest i miss em . theyre the most normal business partners to lovers dynamic to me NO drama whatsoever they just #happen to be insane fucking people and thats why it ends up weird . but relationship wise. bland as SHIT they just get along well #drama?? betrayal?? angst?? NO. 1 spar and childe forgives instantly we all know this to be true #theyre so fucking basic as a couple bc both of them being as weird as they are just ends up canceling out #bc neither is unnerved by the insane shit the other comes with . and they just like. date normally . and make a semi-open committed ldr wor #they simply civilly agree not to bring up the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Religious differences .#6k yo highly suspect god known for signing NDA with celestia dating guy intent on torching the fucking place personally like .#'we make it work despite our differences 😌'#and the known self-admitted heretic if it gives him power looking to conquer the world just #'oh no need to Rush the agenda after all im still busy getting stronger 😊 in time watch tf out tho <333 youre so sexy aha'#dont listen to bland tropey fanon guysss listen to me they could be so fucking peak. they Are to me #altho childe pairings are so weird to me now being a true narwhal truther. theyre all basically a love triangle to me now LKWDJKWDKJWDKJ #like listen. they could be in love they could be the same entity they could be opposites. nemeses. platonic soulmates. romantic rivals. idc #BUT whatever the fuck they are i want them together please thank uuuuuuuu so like. added hysteria factor to any other ship w ajax .#hes still fucking cheating on his narwhalllll on all levels. romantic. platonic. cosmic. unphased by any attempts at defining their bond #with mere words. what are they??? no clue. still cheating. no i dont explain my poetry often. theyre simply everything to me xx #how do i even fucking tag this man its not rly childeposting worthy is it....#and im not abt to risk breaching containment in the chili tag.........................#guess its just #genshin #rambles #lmaooo wjkdwkjwjkdjkdw

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arodykeism · 9 months ago

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some bobbles (+ two unfinished things)

#bonk.png #undescribed #exocolonist #i was a teenage exocolonist #iwatec #iwatex #anyway first thing bc its the shortest i dont think sol would actually id as anything n prefer to be unlabeled #bc of like. the timeloop stuff n every life kind of blending together BUT i think it'd be funny as hell if they were aro #n just never became aware of this bc their self reflection skills in regards to shit unrelated to the loop are That Bad #also im aro n like when characters are aro + love it when characters are kind of deranged about their friends #speaking of which madoka au! forever ago i drew the 🤝 meme with sol n homura n now im coming back to that #its not a 1 to 1 au straight up the commonalities begin n end at ''tammy & sol are kind of like madoka/homura''#stuff i got down for it in a sleep deprived haze were that sol nemmie n tangent were the only magical girls #n tammy hasnt been offered to become one nemmie n tangent arent aware that sol is a magical girl for a while #friendgroup at school is nemmie cal tammy n sol (tangent goes to a different school n is separate until she teams up with nemmie)#nemmie n tang team up bc somehow witch attacks keep being diverted from certain locations n grief seeds are disappearing #which is actually sol's doing theyre moving witches away from areas tammy will be n the grief seeds are to 1. discourage nem n tang from #fighting witches n 2. so sol can stockpile them basically bc they use timetravel a lot n need to keep their gem clean #the timeloop has progress (to an extent) its not a singular month looping its kind of like. video game save mechanics #like reloading the save u have before a bossfight n then if ur not adequately prepared reloading a save u have farther back #n then continuing on until u get stuck on a specific fight again yknow #theres more but moving on to the two unfinished things those are meant to be like a utdr au (specifically dr)#in a similar manner to the previous au of same premise n setting but different story bc theyre different characters #there's a lot less set for this au its entirely just playing in the sand n has nothing beyond vague role assignments #the first one that's like lineart in different colors is entirely scrapped bc i didnt like how it was turning out (meant to be darkworld fit #second one i struggled BADLY with marz oh my god this au is literally primarily for having fun with character designs but oh my god.#as it says there shes meant to be a modern art styled metal monster (got the metal idea from her dads' names n the modern art bc shesrefined #n sleek) but i had no actual idea how to convey that n i was trying to tackle it from a pixel art angle this time n i could notfigure it out #n then nomi nomi was super easy literally didnt even sketch them theyre a tiny pixie im sorry marz T-T #probably not gonna touch on this stuff again cause i was fixing on exo to avoid thinking about my bday but its happened so im fine now 👍

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boyczar · 1 year ago

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I am very sick of the notion that codependents are empathetic people. Codependents are extremely narcissistic in terms of their goals and behaviors. (Narcissistic, not saying they all have NPD, though some of them certainly do.) You are not an “empath”. You are not even in touch with your own feelings, you are simply hyper-vigilant, and often times your fight, flight, freeze, and especially fawn responses, are extremely off-putting and uncomfortable to even a slightly more well-adjusted person. I believe codependents and even Cluster B’s are capable of (total, not impaired) empathy, but only after reversing toxic patterns of relationship behavior. This, however, is in no way their FAULT. I would not say that being codependent or someone with any Cluster B personality disorder (who all have narcissistic traits) is in any way that person’s FAULT. But it unfortunately is their responsibility now. I do not view this relational style (of codependency or narcissistic) as unfixable or irreversible. I would argue that every single person who is codependent or has a Cluster B PD one hundred percent has C-PTSD. (There are people with C-PTSD who have done more healing work and do not fall into these categories but that’s not who I’m talking about.) If you are codependent or are in Cluster B, you have sustained significant trauma, most likely from your parents, and you now have a warped idea of healthy and acceptable communication. You most likely have sustained a thousand little cuts from them while growing up. Being belittled, shamed, degraded, devalued, discarded, threatened, ignored, neglected, silenced, and deemed completely unworthy of genuine love. That is unacceptable and even unforgivable in some cases. I would never condone that. I wish you healing forever.

But this trauma has created a shame core at the center of your self concept, causing you to set off on a lifelong journey to try to feel good about yourself, rather than actually give or receive love. I am sorry that this is harsh and blunt, I mean it with all compassion and understanding. I have been codependent myself and have struggled to be direct with people in the past out of fear and I became an enabler of some really terrible behavior. I was terrible myself. I was (unintentionally) manipulative, as are all codependents. I was selfish when I should have been brave enough to tell those around me what my intuition was warning me of (that we were all falling down a bad path.) I do not like who I was. It was not my fault but it is my responsibility to continue the forever journey of gathering self-awareness and growing. I am not done and I hope I never tire of learning how to be better. I hope you can take something away from this. I’m sorry I’m all over the place, I have a lot of thoughts and I’m over seeing codependent and narcissistic behavior continuing to be the norm. This is not from a self-righteous place, I most definitely have work to do, truly for the rest of my life, I just wanted to speak about the patterns I have noticed since starting to dismantle my own trauma and toxic patterning. I wish you all well.

#mine #codependency #codependent #narcissism #narcissistic abuse #codependent abuse #tired of the perpetual victim hood #you do not get to play victim and hero anymore!#victim: my life’s been so hard i can’t help it i went through so much etc #hero: i’m keeping this family/friend group together i’m a good person i’m doing so well #victim: needs to sustain pity and sympathy #hero: needs to sustain ‘good’ image to themself and others and garner praise #vulnerable narcissist #also basically #bpd #malignant narcissist #grandiose narcissist #histrionic personality disorder #etc #im not putting any of this shit into a hierarchy of good to bad bc it really doesn’t matter #everyone could always be better and i believe we’re all capable #release victimhood #release delusion #release denial #release self righteousness #release the idea that you are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and just be BETTER

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