#bbc merlin analysis

[brysbeddixt]

This is something that I’ve been thinking about ever since my Merlin BBC special interest recycled itself (as my long-term SIs often do); but I think lumping BBC Merlin into the tumblr-favorite queerbait shows of the late aughts/2010s (i.e. Sherlock and SPN) is doing it a disservice.

To me, Merlin is queer in largely the same ways that a lot of BL C-dramas are queer, and likely for much the same reasons. The political climate at the time would not have allowed for an explicit, out-and-proud queer relationship on not only British but American mainstream television. When it was first airing, at least in the US, it had a PREMIERE Sunday night 8 o’clock time slot. I have fond memories of tuning in with my family every week, because in addition to it being mainstream, it was a FAMILY show. The attitudes surrounding LGBT narratives in 2008 simply wouldn’t have allowed for an explicitly queer romance in such a show.

But implicitly? The romance is very much there, and in my humble opinion not at all queerbait. Arthur marries a woman, but his relationship with Gwen is never as deep or touched upon as his relationship with Merlin. That’s not saying he doesn’t love her (I am FULLY against Gwen-bashing in all forms, she is LITERALLY a Queen and I love her), but real adult relationships can be complicated. Arthur loves Gwen, and he loves Merlin. Merlin’s love for him is evident. Gwen loves Arthur, but she also loved Lancelot. These things do not have to be - and are not- mutually exclusive.

There is something so undeniable about the fact that Arthur and Merlin love each other that even now, 15 years after the show first aired, there are still people who wholeheartedly believe in that love. And not with the bitterness that is largely held towards Johnlock or Destiel, which absolutely WERE queerbait. BBC Merlin leaves you with none of that bitterness, even despite the ‘bury your gays’ trope being present in the series finale. Coming back to my BL C-drama comparison: if a C-drama has very evident BL themes, it MUST end either unhappily or at least ambiguously. I see the series finale of BBC Merlin in much the same light.

Of course there’s also the metaphor for “having magic” as being queer, which is touched upon beautifully in this video by Alexander Avila, and so I don’t feel the need to elaborate on here by virtue of having nothing to say that Alex doesn’t already.

I was still a young child when Merlin was airing, and thus wasn’t around for fandom discourse at the time. Perhaps there was a JLC-type movement, I KNOW there was a vitriolic hatred for Gwen in some circles. But to me, the fact of the matter is that Merlin and Arthur being romantically attracted to each other is intentionally, subtextually evident in the show’s writing; but it could never be more than that because of the attitudes towards LGBT romances in media at the time.

[queenofthearchipelago]

Can we just take a moment to appreciate that Bradley James put so much into Arthur's character that wasn't on the page? Interviews with him where he talks about how he approached the character are so enlightening because he literally did it so perfectly. The only reason we can watch the show thinking about what Arthur must be thinking is because Bradley James spent so much time making sure as much as possible made sense. And honestly, the main reason I cry in the finale is because I understand Arthur so well. Bradley James is an incredible actor and he's my King Arthur and I highly doubt there will be another performance like that in my lifetime that does the legend justice.

[poisonedfate]

just so we're all aware: this is merlin's facial journey during the scene where arthur outright lies to uther to protect merlin

bbc merlin - 02x11 The Witch's Quickening

of course arthur has protected him before, lied for him - take arthur telling him to run when he was accused for sealing the seal for example. it's happened before. but i think this is the first time merlin so explicitly realises just how much arthur is willing to do, considering that he just hammered the guilt into him only a few moments ago. arthur has pretty much taken the responsibility without merlin asking. i wonder if, for him, it's comparable to everything he does with his magic. all these things arthur has not asked of him, that he does happily anyway. i wonder just how much it really means, how much and how different of a weight it puts on their dynamic.

[sexy-sapphic-sorcerer]

BBC Merlin being about 'magic' for 7 minutes gay

[spritelysprites]

saw this post with that bradley james quote about how merlin and gwen are probably the only two people who, if they told arthur they had magic, arthur would make a genuine attempt to understand. and then I started thinking about morgana, because I think in the earlier seasons, she would have been one of them, too.

arthur and morgana's dynamic drives me crazy. when she's angry, she forgets he's not his father, because for her everything is so immediate. if something is wrong you do something about it now, or else you're a coward and a fool, and if she's locked up for speaking the truth so be it. meanwhile arthur will offer a protest, and when it's not well recieved he'll nod along and say all the right things and look for the next opportunity where he can act. she needs to be right and damn the consequences, and he needs to be free to take action.

think about what happened when gwen was kidnapped in 2x04, lancelot and guinevere. arthur publicly agreed with uther for the sake of presenting a unified front (another thing morgana doesn't seem to understand the importance of), and then starts making his own arrangements to solve the problem without undermining uther's authority or compromising on what he thinks is right. then morgana storms in and doesn't bother to look at what he's doing before she starts chewing him out. this happens over and over through the early seasons. another notable time is in 1x12, to kill the king, when she is in the dungeons, and before she realises arthur is there to release her she starts taunting him for apparently siding with uther. then as soon as she sees he's trying to help her and get her back in good standing with uther, she turns around and says, you're a better man than your father. always were.

this feeling of needing to have her way immediately is the core of why she and uther had such a mercurial relationship (because he's the same way!), and why arthur could weather it better (he's used to playing the long game to get what he wants). this constant, deliberate misreading of other people's actions is the core of arthur and morgana's conflict and how they grew so far apart. morgana never stops and looks at arthur's actions. she only hears his words. and in the same way, she never stops to consider her own actions, and wraps herself up in righteousness and rhetoric until she has completely lost sight of what she intended to do.

[onceandfutureheartache]

[oswinsdolma]

the bbc merlin writers actually went so hard when they decided "actually no, magic isn't some grotesque perversion of the natural order, it is nature itself" because like. it would have been so easy to write merlin's internal conflict as one between the inherent evil of magic and the good of humanity, to put arthur in the right for his persecution and to turn merlin into some kind of doomed hero within himself, but no. because in the end, magic had very little to do with anything, it was just something that was there. morgana didn't turn evil because she was magic, she did because she was scared and angry and manipulated. merlin doesn't wait for arthur because of the promise of a golden age, at least not really; he does it because he loves arthur and wants him back. in the disiir episode, if it had only ever been about restoring magic to camelot, merlin should have sacrificed arthur in a heartbeat for the promise of magic's legalisation. hell, even mordred didn't kill arthur because of his views on magic, he did so because arthur took away the person he loved. like yeah it's a fantasy show and magic is a massive part of that world, but in the end it was a story about people, and all the hopes and dreams within it are deeply and tragically human, and that's what makes it a good story, what keeps us going apeshit over it even ten years after it ended. in a way, there are two shows in the same way there are two merlins: one about magic, "emrys" and the other about friendship, and like merlin, the audience has to choose which one we should care about most. and every time, we make the same choice as he did: we, however foolishly, choose humanity. we sob at the tragic trajectory and scream as we see destiny gathering traction, but isn't that the point of tragedy?? if we followed logic over emotion, tragedy would never take place, but equally, if we followed logic over emotion, the idea of tragedy itself would become lost to obselescebce. the whole point of the show is to tell us that "no, we can't define things as one or the other, because anything with meaning exists as something more complex, because to give something meaning is to perceive it with a human gaze". magic may be a force of nature, but good and evil are ideas perpetuated by our innate, incurable humanity, and it is here we have a choice. we can't choose our destinies but we can choose from which direction to embrace it, and that's a surprisingly radical, beautiful thing.

[flight-of-fantasy]

Ok Merlin fans, are we all aware that “Essetir” is not a canon name?

To start, this is not a complaint. I think it’s a perfectly good name for the kingdom Merlin grew up in, and I will probably continue to use it since there is actually no canon name for the kingdom.

However, I am constantly talking to fans shocked it isn’t a canon name! The wiki page states it is a fan name, and has since been updated to make this more clear. You can check the transcripts and “Essetir” is nowhere to be found. Nowhere in the show is the name “Essetir” mentioned and it isn’t on the maps the show released--it is always referred to simply as “Cenred’s kingdom.” There is no canon name for the kingdom, just like there is no canon name for Olaf’s kingdom or Caerleon’s kingdom. They kept it very vague, probably on purpose. 

There is, however, the “Ridge of Ascetir” in Camelot’s land. There is also the “Forest of Ascetir” in Camelot’s land. Both of these are mentioned in the show and are on the maps released by the show itself. I believe “Ascetir” translates roughly to “high land.” Uther says that Ealdor resides “beyond the Ridge of Ascetir” in The Moment of Truth and on the map the show released, that ridge determines the border between the two kingdoms, as does the Forest of Ascetir. This is, however, not the name of the kingdom, and both the forest and ridge are within Camelot’s territory.  

“Essetir” is a fine name! From what I can tell, it roughly translates to “I Am The Land” using Welsh and Latin. I quite like it. I will continue to use it. However, WHERE ARE YOU, DEAR FAN THAT HAS GASLIT US ALL? I commend thee

That is all lol. Other than don’t necessarily take fan wikis at face value

[inalandofsadclowns]

Aight, who wants to talk about the theoretically most optimal occasion for Merlin to come out about his magic to Arthur?

I'll go first: 1x10, Ealdor.

In the prior episodes Merlin was basically still getting to know Arthur. For eight episodes he was the brave and noble prince that Merlin had grown to respect, because Arthur apparently did not value his own life any higher than that of a servant, but who was also the son of Uther Pendragon. Arthur would save Merlin at any price, he got to learn that multiple times. But would he save a sorcerer? He couldn't know. (This question remained even when Arthur had lifted Merlin's sorcery allegations.)

But in 1x08 Arthur knowingly broke the law saving Mordred, a druid; he was in fact more devoted to the cause than Merlin himself.

For Merlin to reveal his secret he needs three prerequisites to exist:

To trust Arthur

The opportunity

To be prepared to leave Arthur forever

The Moment of Truth might just be the only episode where all these exist?

Let's look through these points one by one.

1.Merlin had been wanting for Arthur to know since forever. There's nothing he wants more desperately than to know if they're really, truly friends. Once he says to Will, he does trust him.

Will: Friends don't lord it over one another.

Merlin: He isn't like that.

Will: Really? Well, let's wait until the fighting begins and see who he sends in to die first. I guarantee you, it won't be him.

Merlin: I trust Arthur with my life.

And this gem here. The first time Merlin doesn't promise Hunith to keep Arthur in the dark.

Hunith: You can't let Arthur know about your gift.

Merlin: Why not? Maybe it's meant to be this way. And if he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then he's not the friend I hoped he was.

2. Opportunity. They have these several times throughout the series: fights for survival, heated arguments, quiet moments of vulnerability. There are several brilliant opportunities in this very episode.

The armor scene:

Merlin: Whatever happens out there today, please don't think any differently of me.

Arthur: I won't. It's alright to be scared, Merlin.

Merlin: That's not what I meant.

Arthur: What is it? If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it.

Oh. He tried. My boy tried, he was so close...My heart bleeds for him here.

Then, obviously, right after the battle.

Arthur: Wind like that doesn't just appear from nowhere. I know magic when I see it. One of you made that happen.

Merlin: Arthur...

Merlin just so manages to exhale Arthur's name with a so-so painful look in his eyes. Arthur knows what Merlin was about to say. Just for a moment, because Will gets shot saving Arthur.

He even tries to stop Will from taking the responsibility on his deathbed, even though Arthur knew, that the windstorm was conjured by one of them; if it wasn't Will, than that leaves only Merlin.

Will: Yeah, it was me. I'm the one that used the magic.

Merlin: Will, don't.

[Arthur looks at Merlin.]

3. The most important part. The greatest issue for Merlin has always been the threat of having to leave Arthur. But in this episode there is a cause just as important to him as Arthur - his village and his mother.

The first Merlin and Arthur exchange of the episode is Merlin saying goodbye to Arthur.

Merlin: It's been an honour serving you.

Arthur: You'll be coming back.

Merlin: Well, she's my mother. I have got to look after her before anyone else. You understand?

Then he was prepared to come clean for Ealdor's sake several times that day. Merlin is going to fight for his village, he's well prepared to use magic if needed - in front of Arthur, if needed, knowing full well that might be the last time they ever speak or meet. Whether Arthur forbids Merlin from returning to Camelot for Camelot's sake or Merlin's own sake, the result would be the same.

At the very end, even with his magic still a secret, he was going to stay in Ealdor with Hunith, had she not sent him after the others, so he really was prepared to part from Arthur.

[Arthur walks over to Morgana and Gwen. Hunith walks over to Merlin.]

Hunith: You better be going.

Merlin: I don't have to go.

Hunith: Yes, you do.

Merlin: If anything were to happen to you...

Hunith: I know where to find you. You have to go, Merlin. You belong at Arthur's side. I've seen how much he needs you. How much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin.

That whole episode was Merlin attempting and failing to come out to Arthur.

After this, though, Merlin was too close to Arthur to ever consider prerequisite 3., other than in the form of dying for Arthur.

[pendragonsclotpole]

help, i just got slapped in the face with the existence of WILL. be still my beating heart as i write an essay on this man, will of ealdor

firstly, i adore the silent and implicit trust hidden in the first joke that introduces will’s character. like merlin’s been aware his whole life that if his secret is ever found out, he will be hunted down and persecuted, but here comes will with a jab that they both inherently understand is a joke in the macabre style only true friends can lovingly master. the smile they share almost immediately gives me ned stark and robert baratheon meeting again in the courtyard of winterfell in season one of got. there’s also something so normal in their interaction that speaks of a familiarity borne from their equal status and years of friendship. i know merlin’s friends in camelot tend to skew to the non-royal/non-noble, but when you tally it up, those closest to merlin often hold some title that’s greater than merlin’s role as arthur’s servant. gwaine is a knight implied to be of noble blood; lancelot, percival, and elyan are also knighted and esteemed members of arthur’s court; gwen is the lady morgana’s maid and close companion long before she is ever queen; gaius is a physician and long time member of camelot’s court; morgana before her betrayal is literally uther’s ward. i feel like when placed among them all, merlin has a tendency to fade into the background offscreen. obviously the audience knows how important merlin is to the overall story given how much of the storyline focuses on him, and the characters regularly acknowledge merlin’s importance to them or arthur, but all of them still regard merlin as merlin the servant from camelot and few of them are privy to the plots we as the audience see firsthand. and even when they acknowledge him for his merits, his role as arthur’s close friend and confidante takes precedence. look at leon’s reaction in the later seasons when merlin is bewitched by morgana. merlin literally makes a comment about plotting to kill arthur and leon barely even blinks before quipping back, “driving you mad isn’t he?” or something along those lines. except for a few instances with even fewer characters, they never get a chance to know him as merlin the sorcerer from ealdor.

will does! and more than that, he got to know merlin as he is without arthur. we all hype up their status as magical soulmates but damn if i wasnt living for how jealous of arthur will seemed to be in this episode. call me crazy, but it makes me desperately headcanon a realistic past in ealdor for merlin, full of hardship and strife, but never without it’s moments of happiness. furthermore, will’s lone appearance in season one shines some real light on the unfairness of the fate that has been bestowed on meelin. the moment that will points out why he’s been so obstinate with arthur really strikes a deep chord. sure it could be just jealousy, but more compellingly, i choose to read it as a deep sense of care for merlin. everyone merlin has met within camelot, (or reunited with in the case of his own mother) has continually pushed him closer and closer to arthur. will presents a crucial exception. he knows exactly who merlin was before camelot, and who merlin is completely separate from arthur.

will is staunchly in merlin’s corner, and that position allows him to identify a key characteristic of merlin’s series’ long arc: his complete devotion to arthur. will even points it out himself: merlin could singlehandedly defend their home if he just used the full extent of his power. merlin doesn’t, and actively chooses not to because of his desire to stay close to arthur. it’s such a small moment, but i think it demonstrates how much of merlin’s decisions become motivated by his desire to stay close to arthur and to always put arthur first, even at a detrimental cost to himself. merlin understands and readily accepts arthur as his destiny, but this acceptance does not come about independently, instantly, or of merlin’s own volition. it does so eventually, but initially merlin sticks by arthur’s side because of the encouragement of everyone around him. “arthur needs you, merlin” or “arthur is your destiny, merlin” or “arthur is a good man, merlin. he has the potential to be a great king, he just needs the right people, merlin.” its codependent as hell.

sure, merlin originally does not tell arthur about his magic because they do not know each other and as far as merlin knows revealing his magic would lead to his death, but eventually the reasoning changes and becomes so focused on doing what’s best for arthur. merlin can’t tell arthur because then arthur would have to kill him and then who would look after arthur or ensure his fate? merlin can’t tell arthur because if arthur chooses to defy uther’s law, merlin is then forcing arthur to turn against his father and how could he look after arthur then? merlin can’t tell arthur because another betrayal from magic would ruin everything and truthfully, he wonders how would arthur react? merlin comes to fear what his magic might do to arthur and what it’s reveal might mean for his place in camelot more than the laws of camelot and their verdicts.

by this logic, merlin is a magical solar system orbiting entirely around the celestial body known as arthur pendragon. eventually merlin cared more about his relationship with arthur and what arthur thought about him than his own life. in retrospect, it’s so sad that will died so early on, because it strips merlin of a person solely in his corner. will’s death is the first in the series’ long pattern of loss that merlin endures and that eventually comes to define him because people either find out about his magic and their knowledge is directly tested against his loyalty to arthur, or he cannot allow them to know about his magic because it will unravel his relationship with arthur.

will, freya, balinor, morgana, mordred, arthur.

also the fact that will covered for merlin’s use of magic in his last moments just adds to the tragedy AND the growing pile of moments merlin could have told arthur about his magic but didnt. and also the fact that will literally died to save arthur. like tell me that just doesn’t prove my point. tell me. will never stood a chance. tell me every aspect of merlin’s life does not get consumed by arthur pendragon.

i’m all for merthur being soulmates, but god the original series is rife with the unbalanced mess of merlin being wholeheartedly aware of arthur’s great potential and destiny leading to some intense devotion and faith that yes, arthur earns and pays back in full measure but can never fully reciprocate because he just does not know anything. by the triple goddess, it can get so toxic. i wish will had lived if just for that. and like the jealousy arthur gets whenever merlin has other people. because i 100% live for possessive arthur and protective merlin dynamics.

[booksandpaperss]

the fact that Arthur is canonically fully aware of how people keep betraying him and still incredibly trusting at the same time really fucks me up. do you think he ever wonders if it’s his fault entirely? if he’s just inherently not worth any sort of loyalty from those he loves, even though arthur loves so deeply. he loved Morgana so much and when she betrayed him he still loved her, despite Morgana’s betrayal he trusted Agravaine even when he had reason to suspect he shouldn’t because Arthur loved Agravaine too and above all else Arthur is loyal to those he loves. Arthur loved Mordred, and in the end it was that love that made Arthur hesitate to fight Mordred, that love is what killed him. Arthur loved Gwen and even she betrayed him, it wasn’t her choice and Arthur knew it but I’m sure he still felt the sting of another betrayal when he first found out. a slight seed of doubt was probably planted that day.

Arthur loved and trusted Merlin. no matter how many times Arthur was betrayed he never once, in their entire decade of friendship, even conceived the idea that Merlin would betray him. that idea was so utterly off the table for Arthur that in that one episode he was poisoned, as soon as he found out Merlin got blamed for it Arthur actually thought it was funny and had Merlin released immediately with absolutely zero doubt in his mind. Merlin knew Arthur trusted him this way and Arthur knew Merlin knew…

and yet when Arthur found out even Merlin had betrayed him in a way, despite all his other betrayals he still found it in himself so easily to understand Merlin, realize why Merlin had done it, realize that Merlin was the only one who had betrayed Arthur to help him instead of hurt him, and forgive and appreciate Merlin because above all else, Arthur is loyal to those he loves (and there’s perhaps no one Arthur loves more than Merlin).

Arthur loves and loves and loves, but from his perspective that love consistently was never enough. not for his father, not for Morgana, not for Agravaine, not for Mordred…

But it was enough for Merlin. It was more than enough for Merlin. Merlin’s betrayal was because he loved Arthur, not in spite of it, and Arthur was able to recognize that in his last moments.

Arthur loves and trusts to his own detriment, but Merlin was probably one of the first people to show Arthur that his love meant something beyond the superficial “I love you too”, that Arthur’s love was worth something, that Arthur was worth something.

[diana-bookfairchild]

I love this scene so goddamn much.

Look at Arthur's face. Look at where he's looking. Not Aredian. Not Gaius.

But Merlin.

Expectantly. Tensely. He knows he's going to do something.

Look at how instantly he gets up when he sees Merlin charging forward - to him this is not surprising at all.

How well Arthur knows Merlin and how much he's willing to do for him isn't a blaring light in this episode - it's shown in small pieces like this, which is why I love this episode so much.

[iris-black13]

In honour of Merlin trending for literally no reason today, I would like to share my theories that I came up with during my recent rewatch. (I'm only up to season 3 right now so there really aren't that many theories yet.)

1. Merlin and Arthur 100% fell in love with each other in season 1, but they aren't aware of it at all.

2. Merlin is so gay. I'm not sure if he knows it or not, but Merlin is not attracted to women. Every time he's seemed interested in a woman, it's because she's been a powerful sorceress or a magical creature. Speaking of Freya; his only real female love interest, what he loves about her is that he sees himself in her. He feels a sense of kinship towards her as someone who is trapped and hunted for something out of her control. I don't think he feels any actual romantic love for her. He loves her, sure. But I think he's confusing romantic love for something else. (But idk I could be wrong.)

3. I don't think the Morgana we got back after her disappearance is the same Morgana we had pre S2E12. I think she probably died and came back wrong. Because otherwise the personality difference is too drastic. Her relationship with Gwen for instance. It makes sense if she didn't forgive Merlin for what he did, but why is she so mean to Gwen?? Gwen was her best friend and maybe even her first love? Morgana was never classist before season 3, but afterwards she acts like Gwen is lesser than and it just doesn't make sense. Anyway that's my in-universe explanation for her terrible shift in character.

4. This is the most important one. Merlin doesn't realize he's in love with Arthur until some time shortly before the season 2 finale. Before the finale, Merlin is happy to cheer on the romance between Arthur and Gwen. Two of his best friends fell in love! Why wouldn't he be happy? Even if they think there's no future for their relationship, he's more than happy to help them get together because Merlin believes in loving who you want to love.

Now, I could go on about how falling in love with Gwen is basically Arthur's way of expressing his repressed feelings for Merlin since Gwen and Merlin are of the same social standing and since Gwen is a woman he can experience the love he could have had with Merlin if it was allowed, but I won't do that. This ain't about him. What's important is that Merlin, in the season 2 finale- knows he's in love with Arthur, and that Arthur can't love him back. After the finale, he's still happy to help his friends in their affections for each other, but his bright goofy smile is gone. It's replaced with this melancholy smile and a hesitant voice.

I'm so serious right now. If you don't believe me, just go rewatch seasons 2 and 3 and see the shift in his demeanor yourself. He actively avoids them when they're interacting in season 3. In- I think it was the changeling episode, at the end, Arthur and Merlin walk into a hallway at the bottom of the staircase. They both see Gwen on the staircase, and when Arthur starts up the stairs, Merlin immediately leaves. It's not a "I'll give them their space" moment. It's a "I can't be here right now" kind of moment. He doesn't even try to stick around to protect Arthur on their date in the episode where Morgana frames Gwen for witchcraft. (and don't even get me started on that episode of my god.) Normally, he would stick around in the shadows to make sure nothing goes wrong and they aren't attacked or anything. It's weird that he doesn't try to stick around!

And oh my God. There are so many moments where Colin Morgan's acting just makes my heart ache. In the crystal caves, Merlin trying to banter with an unconscious Arthur while trying desperately to heal him makes me want to cry. And any time he's encouraging Gwen to follow her heart and be with Arthur just makes me ache. In the "...you still have feelings for him." And the "you like him. He likes you. Isn't that all that really matters?" I just can't.

Honestly, I could go on, but this post is already wordy enough. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[poisonedfate]

and you know, if you REALLY want to have a rough night, all you have to do is think about how arthur loves. how uther treated him all his life, loving only just enough for him to feel safe, just enough to be protected and not warm. how arthur grew up knowing that, and only that, how it is perfectly clear in the way he treats merlin, because he'll shove him around, yell, and be loud in his words as in his actions, but god will he also go above and beyond to keep him safe, will even lie to uther himself to protect merlin. and truly, that's where his heart really bleeds through, in the veil between how he was taught to love and how he really wants to love, in the moment between, where he's allowed to show he cares, where keeping merlin safe from anyone but him is soaked red with affection, because that's what love is, right?

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Writing Mordred is slowly making me realise I don’t actually hate him.

The more I think about it, the more I realise he’s just a traumatised child who felt trapped and ran out of options when every single person in his life who was supposed to help him failed in some way or others. Most in more than one way if we’re being honest.

The kid literally had no one to turn to when the girl he loved died and was openly hated by the guy he’s thought of as a god since he was a child.

Like let that sink in.

Merlin openly wished him dead, and Mordred literally worshipped the ground he walked on.

(I’m usually a Merlin apologist but bloody hell he fucked up at every opportunity when it came to Mordred)

Morgana was the exact opposite of his morals but wanted magic free, (at the cost of non magic users lives which is also problematic, but that’s a different conversation) so he didn’t stick around with her, but when Camelot no longer felt safe for him, he ran.

Which is definitely a trauma response considering how he grew up with the Druids and then whatever the fuck happened after he left them.

Arthur was the only person who was continuously good for him, saving him as a child and later becoming a brother/father figure, but then he killed Kara and Mordred had to watch another magic user be killed by Camelot except this time it was someone he truly believed was good. He didn’t see her attacking Arthur like she did, just that the king of Camelot was killing another magic user which was bound to bring up trauma that he hasn’t felt safe enough to unpack and heal from.

I have a lot more to say on this, but I’ve got to leave for work in a few minutes so I’ll come back and scream about it another time

Fucking Mordred though, poor kid. He really went through it.

[wumiings]

The thing that really gets me about Merlin and Arthur’s dynamic re: being simultaneously friends (implies equality) and master/servant (unequal) is the way they both understand what this means so differently.

Like, Arthur is not deliberately cruel as a person. He sometimes lashes out in anger— particularly to cover hurt, fear, or insecurity— and is not above using his and Merlin’s relative stations to his advantage in the moment. But while this is certainly not okay, it does not characterize most of their interactions.

Most of the time, when Arthur insults Merlin, or roughhouses with him, or assigns him too many chores just to be petty, he clearly seems to think of it as friendly banter/play. And when Merlin insults him right back, or complains without real heat, or half-asses the chores, Arthur takes it as confirmation that they’re on the same page.

Because here’s the thing: when Arthur says, “You’re my servant, so we can’t be friends [paraphrase: but under other circumstances, we might be],” what he means is that they are obviously friends but they’re not allowed to call each other that, or act like it. It’s against the social rules of their environment to acknowledge their friendship.

But that is not what those words mean to Merlin. He does see Arthur as a friend, but not in the sense that they’re just playing along with the roles of servant and master. Because unlike Arthur, there is an inherent threat to Merlin’s safety and well-being implied by any reminder of those roles.

“You’re almost like a friend [except you’re my servant]” doesn’t just mean they can’t use the word. It means “I have power over you, and in moments when it’s inconvenient to treat you as a friend (see: the anger), I can and will use that power to put you back in your place.”

It’s a reminder that Arthur has fired, overworked, struck, imprisoned, threatened with exile, and held a sword to Merlin’s throat before, and so long as Merlin needs to keep his magic a secret for the sake of staying by Arthur’s side, he is powerless to do anything about it. It could happen again.

Merlin insults Arthur because he knows he can get away with it (as long as he stops when more serious threats are invoked). He complains but allows those complaints to be taken as jokes/exaggerations, because he doesn’t expect his hurts to be taken seriously and doesn’t feel comfortable making himself vulnerable to Arthur about how his actions affect him.

The chores situation in particular aggravates me to no end, because Merlin is routinely expected to do things that do not by any means fall under the purview of a personal servant. Why would he be mucking out the stables?? Surely there are stable hands who are paid to do that. And why does he do the laundry himself instead of delivering it to the laundress?

All this in addition to apprenticing with Gaius (or working as a fully qualified physician post-4x08) and going along on patrols/missions/etc. doing what I’m pretty sure would normally be a squire’s duties? As none of the knights seem to have one??

Admittedly, Merlin sometimes insists on going along on missions for Protecting Arthur Reasons, which is not Arthur’s fault, but still. Arthur knows the kind of hours Merlin is putting in. Which makes moments like in 3x01, when he undervalues, belittles, and then intentionally undoes Merlin’s hard work (cleaning the floor) so frustrating to watch.

But again, Arthur is not cruel! I never get the sense that he truly enjoys causing Merlin real emotional distress. The problem is that he consistently underestimates the amount of distress that Merlin is actually in — partly because (as previously stated) Merlin often undersells his own feelings.

TL;DR - Merlin is Arthur’s friend! His only/closest friend!! Arthur looks at Merlin and sees someone brave and loyal and absolutely worth risking his life for. But his privilege blinds him to the ways in which he fails to treat Merlin like a friend should. Outside of life-or-death situations, he doesn’t often behave as though he values Merlin (his time, his effort, his capabilities, or his friendship) particularly much. And that’s a fucking tragedy.