#bc I hadn't eaten anything all morning

[damnprecious]

some neighbor is having some sort of a get-together, I can just hear people laughing and some occasional louder voices and my god if the joy radiating from that apartment isn't amplifying the misery I'm wallowing in

[datastate]

girl why i lost my drawing pen

[ebongawk]

oooh hellcheer hc is that eddie goes into fully nurse mode whenever chrissy’s sick. she has a cold? he’s fussing over her, making soup from scratch thank you very much bc he’s actually a great cook. cramps? he buys out her favorite chocolate from the corner store, he’s got three different types of heat packs ready, he’ll massage her belly for hours if that’s what it takes to make her feel better

Here's the thing: Chrissy was never home when Eddie got out of the studio on Wednesdays.

Wednesdays were their short days. The band's self-proclaimed 'recharge' days. The midweek break they all pretended to need that they'd written into their contracts so the fucking producer wouldn't throw a fit when Jeff dipped out at eleven to go meet his girlfriend at the train station, because Marie was in Boston Saturday night through Wednesday morning for work.

Eddie usually wandered in after a fast food lunch and a grocery run around one o'clock. Chrissy wasn't even off most days until four. So when he walked in the front door and was greeted with the curdling scream of horror queen Janet Leigh on the tube?

Yeah, Eddie about had a heart attack. Like full-on hand-over-the-heart terror.

"Sorry," Chrissy croaked from the couch as she frantically turned the volume of her vintage horror flick down. Psycho. Classic. Eddie hadn't even noticed her, she was so bundled up in blankets. A Chrissy burrito that could've passed for a rumpled throw blanket. "Sorry, sorry. You came in at the worst part."

Shit, she sounded awful.

"That's my specialty," Eddie breathed, dropping the excess number of grocery bags in the foyer and tripping over his own feet to make it to her side. "What's up, buttercup? How come you're home so early?"

Shit, she looked awful. All curled up and shivering despite the throw around her shoulders and the duvet she'd dragged in from their bedroom. Eddie automatically put a hand on her forehead, hissing at the burn beneath his palm.

"Think I caught the bug that's been going around on the publishing floor," Chrissy said, covering her mouth with the throw as she talked. Trying to breathe on him as little as possible. But her sinuses were so full, he doubted she could take in any air from her nose. "Editors were next, I knew it, but everyone insisted it'd stay quarantined upstairs."

"Morons," Eddie huffed, eyes raking over her face. Her blotchy, feverish cheeks; her bloodshot eyes ringed in the purple bruises of exhaustion. Her lips were dry, and Eddie sighed, hopping up and pressing a kiss to her forehead that she protested.

"You're gonna get infected," she grumbled. Eddie just shrugged, more firmly wrapping her up in her blankets.

"Did you take anything?"

"Grabbed some cold medicine from the pharmacy that's next to the office," she said, still covering her mouth. Exhaling a couple of rough coughs into the fabric. "Probably should've eaten something, but nothing sounds good."

Her sentences were choppy and slurred, which was how Eddie knew that this was serious. Having majored in English at BU, Chrissy's articulation refined to a fucking knife's point over the years. Ready to stab anyone who looked at her with a modicum of doubt when she explained what she did for a living.

His poor little Supervising Editor.

"Alright," Eddie said, hopping to his feet and pressing another kiss to her crown – this one not quite as protested as the first – before he rounded the couch to collect the grocery haul he'd bought that was entirely inadequate for a sick Chrissy. "Lemme get some water in the kettle, yeah? I'll make you some ginger tea and run to the bodega for soup supplies."

"Love, really, I'm fine––"

"Don't you I'm fine me, Cunningham," he called from the kitchen. Even though her last name had been Munson for damn near five years now. He loved the dopey little smile she still got when he reprimanded her with her maiden name. The eye roll. The huff of, That's Munson to you, Mister.

The huff never came this time. She was too tired to argue, he knew.

He started some prep work for what they had on hand while the water heated up. Mincing up a metric fuckton of garlic, grabbing some chicken breast from the fridge, grating most of a knob of ginger. They had some frozen chicken wing tips, but Eddie wasn't sure he had the time or patience to make broth from scratch. He mentally added store bought shit to his list, along with spinach and carrots.

Once her tea was ready, Eddie departed after stealing another kiss – this one to her cheek, which she yelled at him for as well as she was able and which he laughed at when her voice broke.

Another forty-five minutes later, after hauling ass to the store and back, Eddie had soup simmering on the stove, orange juice in the fridge, and three other types of medicine lined up along the coffee table to be taken after she'd eaten.

"I should go to the bedroom," Chrissy sighed as Eddie exchanged her empty mug of tea for a glass of juice. "Give you veg space so I don't get you sick."

Eddie scoffed. He'd grabbed The Two Towers from their nightstand, carefully depositing it on the arm of the couch before gently easing Chrissy's juice from her hands. He crouched down in front of her, leveling her with as withering a stare as he could muster around the worry he could feel lining his face.

"What kind of husband do you think I am, sweetness? To abandon his queen in her most desperate times of need?" She rolled her eyes, cheeks turned up in a slight smile. Eddie grinned, reaching up to pinch her cheek. Broadening her smile as much as she was able. "My fair lady needs her noble knight's assistance now more than ever! I ain't just gonna abandon you to squalor, baby. You know better than that."

She made a little noise of distress, and Eddie knew it was because she was terrified of getting him sick. Even though he played backup to Jeff, fucking his vocals could fuck the whole timeline for their next album.

He couldn't have given less of a fuck.

Tucking the blanket more firmly around her, Eddie carefully wedged his arms under her slight body, hoisting her up with a cracked little squeal from her raw throat before settling himself lengthwise on the couch, Chrissy in his lap.

"Eddie––"

"Shh, baby," he said, grabbing the book behind him and opening up to the bookmark. Picking up where they'd left off the last time he lulled her to sleep, just the night before, when she'd still been perfectly healthy. Harboring this bit of sick down deep enough that her body was still attempting to fight it off.

His voice, she'd told him once, was her favorite lullaby.

"So it was," he began to read, "that in the light of a fair morning, King Theoden and Gandalf the White Rider met again on green grass beside the Deeping-stream."

An hour later, Chrissy was out like a light. Breathing deeply through her mouth, with a little dribble of drool spilling onto his shirt and making him chuckle. He leaned down, kissing her hair and brushing it back over her ear.

"My poor little peach," he murmured, pressing the words into her scalp. The scent of ginger and garlic wafted through the air, and Eddie knew he should extricate himself from her embrace. Slip into the kitchen and turn the stove off.

But Chrissy let out this scratchy little snore, and Eddie figured he could give her another half hour.

"Love you, sweet," he said. And by the way she hummed in her slumber, snuggling even closer against his chest until her ear was pressed right up against her heart, Eddie thought, fuck, maybe she'd heard him.

(inspo ask)

[strxbrymochi]

random when you're sick jaemin drabble

pairing: jaemin x reader (i tried to make it gen neutral djsjsjs)

words: like less than 1k ish??

warnings: mentions of sickness, illness, id say it be too close to home fr

synopsis: basically you're sick and jaemin's here to comfort you as much as he can long distance style.

note: a random ass drabble i came up w as im lying in bed sick for the 4th day and after a conversation i had with my mom bc i needed an outlet lol (its like 99% based on real life events other than the fact that i unfortunately do not have a jaemin with me 💔)

you absolutely despised being sick. okay, maybe sometimes you would be okay with it because it served as a formidable excuse to get out of work or your responsibilities for a couple days but that was when "sick" constituted to simply a cold or a fever that passes over the next day, not when you're tied down to the bed and the toilet every second of every day.

you wake up one day to shivers, brushing it off, you continue on with your day, heading over to work. on your way to work, you start feeling dizzy, nausea hitting you. you take a pill to calm down and make your way to your shift. today, you were working at a small fast food chain restaurant and if things couldn't get any worse, you were assigned to deal with the blowtorch. the heat from the fire and small space rushing all the way to your head but you push through, making it to the very end of your 3 hour shift.

making your way to your next appointment, you scavenge for food to hopefully give you back your appetite. you haven't eaten a proper decent meal all day; only crackers before you drank your pill. oh, and did i forget to mention, you headed into work with a 38 degree fever; claiming "to be fine" because you needed the hours to sustain your living expenses in a foreign country all alone.

at your meeting, you're met with fatigue. a wave of exhaustion rushes over you and coughing fits take over. your brain barely processing what was being discussed, only speaking when directly being asked a question. but still, you push through, ensuring everyone around you that you were going to be okay. that it will all brush away soon and that you really are just tired. your fever has reached close to 40 degrees.

you sigh, throwing your phone on your bed. on any other day you would have loved to talk to jaemin, especially now that you two were oceans apart. it killed you to know that if only you hadn't moved he would be right there and you could see him in person. that alone would've been all the medicine you need to get better. but alas, life had other plans.

the next couple days consisted of sleep, wake up, repeat. occassional trips to the toilet and visits from coughing fits disrupting your sleep that make you sound like you're entering into an entirely different dimension. you had absolutely no energy-- to eat, to move, to do anything really. when you said you needed a break, this wasn't what you meant.

jaemin would call you, or attempt to call you and you would pick up, if you were awake and if you were in the mood to speak. he would send you daily messages to drink your medicine, eat meals, get some rest. you knew he was worried and it killed you not to be able to ensure some type of reassurance everything was going to be fine. you knew if he found out what you had been actually doing, you would never hear the end of it.

one night you had awoken from your nap struggling to find something to eat, let alone the energy to consume anything. at this point, your stomach is practically bounded to an electrical heating compress to temporarily soothe your pains. you weren't sure if you were getting any better. your fever was relatively gone sure, but the coughs, stomach pains and diarrhea remained. let alone, that morning you almost passed out in the toilet, hearing muffled, ears ringing, vision blurred. all you could do is pray.

well, at least your sense of humor was back.

---

LOL such an abrupt ending idk i just needed an outlet to express how im currently feeling and whats been going on these past few days so if theres a delay with mtt or my other stuff i apologize once again 😭😭 need all the prayers and support i can get fr; being sick is one thing, being sick in a foreign country alone is another story. for anyone else who has gone thru or is currently going thru same thing, i hope yalls feel better soon and that know things will get better! bc i know thats what i need rn 🫡

[annowling]

hum ok so i tried to just stop eating but it ended bad

friday, in the morning i drank a hot tea and drank so much water all the day. i hadn't eaten until 4, i was so proud of myself but also so weak, i wanted to stay in bed all the rest of the day butttt. my bf and a friend just took me on a walk, i was happy to brun calories but also sad bc bf didn't see anything ??? i'm not okay, i not even try to hide and he can't see ??? i felt so lonely with myself. and idk my body just left me, i had fainting spell and bf was so afraid and angry. he forced me to eat a kfc wrap, we talked a lot about my mental health, and i promised to see a psychiatrist. i ate a little too at the evening and i was confused. in fact i'm feeling lost, i don't know anymore what i want

[soulnottainted]

TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT THE CONCERT spill all the deetssssss

(also i hope you get well soon!!!)

@ticketsfortwo

Hey Miri!!!

So most of the time, that evening, it was standing in lines. The VIP was brought in and lined up, missing the two openers (honestly I was ok with that bc they were kinda screamo metal and I wasn't really into it. While we were in line, we made friends as well as got free dip n dots from the ladies at the cart (they were so nice, we hadn't eaten anything so it was nice to eat something). In line we got our bags of VIP merch, and then eventually were brought down to the Veneration of Relics, that had the Emeritus Family bodies on display to take pictures with. It was surreal seeing them tbh. Like damn, that's my dad and brothers right there.

After that, we were brought back out to stand in line. In total I'd say it was about two and a half hours of standing before it was Papa picture time.

But in the meantime, the friends we made in line decided that once the pictures were done, they'd hang out with us in the pit.

When it was time to go to meet Papa, I got super nervous and anxious, and my friend gave me a few pep talks to calm me down and encourage me. Apparently the Veneration of Relics is the same place you meet papa later, so it was OMINOUS AS HELL bc of the red lighting and creepy music going.

When it was my turn, I put my stuff aside on a table, and went in.

And holy crap Miri. He was two feet away from me. My husband. So sweet and humble he was, I wanted to cry. I didn't cry though. I still had nerves but I'm glad I could have a REALLY good interaction with him. He sounded so proud of me graduating college and he said he has nothing to compare to a degree, and my inner wife came out and was like "no, you deserve this, you've worked hard enough" and he HAD to take the compliment.

Forgot to take off my mask and ask for a pose for the picture, because I was so FOCUSED on him. Like the mask Tobias wears is SO tight on him to where you can't even tell those lips aren't his. Oh also he isn't much taller than me, which is pretty hilarious.

I think Tobias had a huge dad moment when I said I graduated college tbh, like he was so happy for me. He also loved my cape my friend made me.

I said goodbye to him, and then I was out. Super quick. And I had to gather myself because SHIT I MET MY FICTIONAL HUSBAND!

me and my group of friends then made it into the pit. Couldn't see much bc of all the tall people, but I could see a straight shot to the left corner of the stage, and if I looked diagonally, I could see the end of the catwalk.

My god.

I saw Papa in his Papal robes for the first time during Call Me Little Sunshine and THEY SPARKLED, THEY WERE MAJESTIC!!

I did some headbanging at Aether, he could do me no wrong.

It was hard to talk about anything else bc it was difficult to see, but that's okay. I know I'll see them again at the barrier maybe next tour.

We ended up standing near the buses in the misting rain, and Swiss and Fire ended up coming over to say hi bc they felt bad we were just standing there. We ended up chatting with them for a little bit before they went back to the bus. We left around 2 AM.

I got a PB and j sandwich to eat at 2:30 in the morning, and I ended up in bed at almost 4 in the morning.

[gayshyandreadytocry]

Just carved out a pumpkin alone in our kitchen. I really thought that if we buy one we could do it together as a family. But here you are dribking again. Making me feel bad because I first didn't even want to carve the pumpkin anymore. I told you that I didn't want to do it alone, it's no fun this way. You just said I have to do things alone all the time as well. Well sorry for wanting to do something TOGETHER. This is the third time this week my mom has made me feel like shit.

First time I came home from Uni and was just done with people talking to me. My mom asked me what was wrong. I told her I just wanted to be left alone for five minutes and not talk to anyone, just some peace and quiet. She walked away like a baby and went back to sipping on her beer. She later said that she has people talking around her and with her all of the time as well. Can't I just have five minutes for me? FIVE MINUTES??! I then talked to her for a while or more like listened to her ramble on and on about her problems and all the stuff that has been going on at work, all while she casually went to the kitchen to aip on her beer every few minutes.

Second time I came home from uni and was hungry because I didn't take anything with me. I made myself something to eat and just sat down and ate and my mom asked me what was wrong. I told her that I just want to eat something because I'm hungr and hadn't had anything to eat until then. She just said: well i haven't eaten today either. Yeah because you had a day of and thought it was more important to start deinking at 9 in the freaking morning... I kind of lost my appetite after that, but I also didn't wanna throw it away so I just ate it anyway, but it made me feel like shit.

And then earlier when I carved the pumpkin. I just, I don't know. I sat the pumpkin on the balcony, she brought me a candle and I put it in the pumpkin. She hugged me, I hugged her back bc she would have been mad if I didn't hug her back, and she told me Happy Halloween. I just said it back without mucch emotion. Hugging me after making me fell like I am not wanted, and you going back to sipping on your beer right after won't make me feel better. I feel like shit and I hate it.

Most of the time she hughs me when she is drunk. I just want one sober hug. No drunken I love yous. I can't stand them.

Now I am just sitting in my room trying to hold back my tears.

One nice day without any bullshit. Is that really too much to ask?

How I wish I had friends that I could just go to or a girlfriend to carve pumpkins and watch Halloween and Horror movies with...

But no, I am alone in my room loosing my fight of holding back tears because I feel unloved and unwanted. It sucks.

[fanfic-chan]

okay so i have an idea

aether tickling at razor’s tummy bc it’s just “out there and easy for him to tickle” and then when he’s done it backfires on him bc razor’s like “you too tho”

and now it’s a tickle fight between them🥺

Thanks so much for the prompt Dani it was so cute adggsfjhdgkk! 💕 This is the last official fic I've written in 2021! Happy New Years everyone! I can't wait to spend the next year with you!^^

A Quiet New Years

Switches! Aether and Razor

Summary: Aether and Razor spend new years at Dawn Winery after a snow storm chases them inside.

Aether let out a contented sigh as he leaned back on his hands, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace nearby and the fuzzy rug underneath him. Razor lay nearby, sprawled out and dozing peacefully.

It was New Years Eve, and while everyone else was busy celebrating in Mondstadt, he and his friend had decided to leave the festivities early in favor of spending the last night of the year outside the city enjoying the quiet of the night in Wolvendom rather than stay in the loud, crowded city. Paimon had decided to stay behind, but had promised to reunite with the traveller in the morning.

They hadn't counted on the sudden heavy snowfall though, and had retreated to Dawn Winery to get out of the storm. Diluc wasn't there, obviously, since he was busy at the Tavern with all the holiday rush, but Elzer had been there attending to some end of year paperwork and had invited them both in the second he opened the door to see the two boys shivering on the doorstep.

Now, after the two of them had stripped themselves of their winter-wear and eaten some of the leftover food they'd gotten from one of the stands in Mondstadt, they both sat quietly on the floor and focused on warming themselves by the fire.

Neither had really said anything in a while, but the silence was a comfortable one. Neither of them were huge talkers, Razor because of his language barriers and preference for body language anyway, and Aether because of his overall reserved personality and his habit of usually letting Paimon fill in the silence.

Aether glanced over at his barely awake friend, chuckling when he noticed that his cape-like shirt had flopped up and over his face at some point, and in a rare display of mischief, he reached over and lightly scribbled his fingers over his tummy.

Soft, muffled giggles could immediately be heard from the wolf boy, and Aether smiled fondly at the response.

”Something funny Razor? Why are you laughing?" He asked, feigning ignorance even as he scooted closer to gain better access. 

"Hehehehaha! Tickles!" Razor answered in his usually blunt way, and Aether couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of how easily he could say that dreaded word without so much as a blush or a stutter. Amazing, truly.

Razor continued to giggle and laugh happily, only squirming a little bit and not really making much of an effort to escape. Aether kept at it for a while, switching between different techniques to see which reactions were the best.

EHE-ehehehehehehe!!" Razor yelped when the traveller reached a particularly sensitive spot on the side of his stomach, and Aether couldn't help laughing himself a bit.

"Oh? Does it tickle Razor?" He asked, doing his best to ignore how his own cheeks went red saying the word, and instead focused on honing in on the spot that had made Razor jump like that.

"Heheheh! YEHEHEehehes!!"

"Yeah? Ready for me to stop then?"

"P-Plehehease!"

At last, Aether finally stopped with a chuckle, reaching out to pull the wolf boy's shirt back down despite it not covering his stomach completely anyway. Razor's face was slightly flushed, and his hair was a bit frizzy now from the rug, but his eyes were sparkling slightly with joy.

"Hehe, sorry Razor. It was just to good of an opportunity to pass up." He apologized as he helped the other sit up once he'd caught his breath, rubbing his neck awkwardly. Razor waved the apology off dismissively, a happy grin on his face.

"No sorry! Razor had fun!" He said decisively, not leaving any room for argument.

Aether relaxed slightly at that, but his relief was short lived when he caught the slight glint of mischief in Razor's eyes.

"Hm. Razor think's the traveller should have fun too!"

"Wait, what?! Razor no! You don't have to- AHH! AHHAHAHAhahahaha!! RAHAHAHAZOR NOOOOHOHO!!" 

Aether literally screeched when Razor tackled him to the floor, and suddenly he was really beginning to regret starting this, because unlike Razor, who's ticklishness was just mild enough to keep him giggling and nothing more unless you went for his death spots, Aether was extremely ticklish everywhere. Especially on his tummy, which just happened to be the spot Razor targeted, like he had to him. Curse him and his lack of foresight.

"Ahaha!! Rahahahazor nohohohohahaha!! Stahahap it! Pleheahease! It tihihic- t- aha!- tihihihihickles!!" He begged, latching onto his friend's wrists uselessly.

Razor was giggling along with him, not even seeming phased by his hysterical squirming at this point. After all, Bennett had a tendency to squirm quite a bit when he was tickled too, though Aether did seem to be a lot more sensitive. That probably meant he shouldn't tickle him as long as he usually does with Bennett.

Mm. He better wrap it up then.

With that thought in mind, Razor eased up a bit and shot the traveller a gentle smile as he slowed his fingers to a gradual stop and sat up.

"Aaahahahaha! Hehe.. Jeheheez.." Aether breathed out, looking up at Razor, face slightly flushed already despite it barely being more than a minute.

"Fun?" Razor asked, tilting his head slightly and looking comically like a hopeful puppy. Aether nodded despite his embarrassment, not feeling particularly inclined to disappoint him when he looked so happy.

"Y-Yeheheah. It was fun Razor, dohohon't worry."

Razor beamed down at him, and Aether was pretty sure if he had a tail, it would be wagging.

"Mm. Cuddles now." Razor said with a yawn, flopping down next to the still smiling traveller, laying his head against his side.

The two of them fell asleep like that, the sound of fireworks echoing in the distance right as they drifted to sleep.

[yaehao]

seventeen song scenarios

⤷ dk (lee seokmin): atlas: two by sleeping at last

genre: comfort ,,?

pairing: lee seokmin x reader

word count: 733

note: lyrics are in italics! i thew this together at 4 am bc school’s been getting to me and i would literally do anything to get a hug from seokmin ㅠㅠ also i didn't proofread, sorry if it's bad wheeze

It had been a while since you'd needed to go to Seokmin bearing problems this heavy on you. But things were getting too much to handle alone. The constant pressure and expectations your family put on you, schoolwork and tests piling up, nothing feeling like it's been going right recently, and every little thing was just weighing you down more and more. Everything felt like it was on a constant decline, and you needed someone. Someone specific.

It was a Friday night when it felt like the world was crashing down on you. Everything became too much and you had to escape. You abandoned the textbooks and papers spread out across your desk and left the house at almost 1 A.M., frantically getting into your car, and your instincts driving you straight to his house.

You pulled into his driveway, swinging the car door open and slamming it shut, making your way to his front door with tears threatening to spill from your eyes. The sharp, cold wind of the night didn't help in the slightest, making the tears sting like hell. You knocked frantically, Seokmin taking a while to answer since he wasn't expecting you at all, considering the fact that you hadn’t bothered to notify him that you were coming over.

He rubbed his eyes as he opened the door slowly, but as soon as he saw your expression, he wordlessly engulfed you in a tight hug, pulling you into his chest. You relaxed slightly into him, your arms instinctively moving to wrap around him as well.

"Sweetheart, you look a little tired. When did you last eat?"

"This morning…" You struggled to get out. You had been so caught up in your work you hadn't even realized you hadn't eaten all day until he asked. He ran his fingers through your hair, sighing, a tone of worry clear behind it.

"Come in and make yourself right at home. Stay as long as you need."

Seokmin’s voice, his scent, his touch, his everything filled your senses, and you immediately felt more at peace. He took you inside, and you kicked your shoes off as you stepped in. He brought you to his room and rummaged through his closet, pulling out one of his hoodies and handing it to you as you sat down on his bed. 

He excused himself for a moment, coming back quickly with a glass of water and a bowl of fruit. He set both down on his bedside table so that you could grab them if you needed before sitting next to you on the bed. He pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his arms around you, allowing you to melt into him.

"Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me. You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat."

But you just shook your head, you couldn't talk even if you wanted to. The words for how you felt just wouldn't come out. You just needed him to be there. Him holding you was more than enough.

"It's okay if you can't find the words." Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders.

And he did. You both knew he was your safe space, someone you could turn to when it felt like the whole world was against you. When it felt like everyone else had turned their backs on you, Seokmin was always there, ready to take you in with open arms.

Waves of tiredness came over you, the stress and thoughts of your schoolwork slowly fading away as he massaged small circles into your back and whispered reassurance into your ear. Sleep threatened to take over you, although you tried your hardest to stay awake, feeling like it'd be rude if you only came over just to fall asleep on him.

However, Seokmin wasn't helping your efforts at all. He had eventually laid back with you still in his arms, pulling you down with him. Your head rested on his chest, and his hands rubbed up and down your back.

"I'm glad you came to me tonight. You know I'm always here for you when you need it, my love. I'm so proud of you for handling everything alone lately, but you don't have to anymore. I'm here.

and I will love you with every single thing I have."

[jiggypepper]

why would anyone ever need a nuts and wine cheat sheet

when did anyone ever eat almonds and thought “oh boy i do wonder what wine goes best with deez nuts”

[yoonzeeno]

of fire stones and icy waves.  ━━ kmg x hvc

part one of the svt x pokémon!au — kanto.

❀ summary: broke pokémon trainer kim mingyu decides to go on an adventure to look for a fire stone. vernon unwillingly accompanies him. ❀ pairing: mingyu x vernon (brotp) ❀ word count: 4.7k ❀ genre(s): adventure, friendship, slice of life, slight action ❀ warning(s): none, i guess? lmk if there are any!

━━ a/n: my first fic is finally done! i planned this to be around 1-2k words but it's pokémon and seventeen - two of my favourite things together, so i couldn't help myself. anyways, lmk what you think and i hope you enjoy it! i finished this at five thirty in the morning so pls pls pls love it :(

━━ update: updated the poster bcs this one sucks less than the previous one.

the sun was shining bright and the weather was perfect, but sadly mingyu had to ignore the euphoric feeling of his feet sinking on the sand and rush towards the ocean. behind him was vernon, also running, but with untied shoes.

“i’m gonna kill you, hyung!” vernon cried.

“you can kill me once i get that fire stone!” this made absolutely no sense to vernon, but he didn’t have any energy left when it’s being used to run for his life.

once they reached the shore, mingyu motioned at vernon, hands moving frantically. “quick! quick!” vernon fumbled at his belt, looking for the right poké ball, before finally taking his dive ball — a blue ball with white waves etched on the upper half of the ball.

“lapras, go!” he shouted, aiming the ball towards the ocean as he ran before pressing the button twice — once to enlarge the ball, and once more for lapras to come out. an energy filled silhouette emerged from the half-opened ball, and a blue dinosaur-like pokémon finally solidified. her front side was mostly cream colored, and her ears were tightly curled. she also had a short horn on her forehead, four flippers with the foremost flippers bigger than the hind, and on her back was a heavy, gray shell, covered in blunt knobs. she floated in the ocean, letting out a beautiful cry.

mingyu braked in front of lapras in fear he would actually hurt the pokémon. his sudden brake caused vernon to crash into his back, which also resulted in mingyu falling face first into the sand. lapras watched them, letting out a cry in confusion.

vernon rose while groaning at the pain on his nose, while mingyu pressed his palms on the ground to lift himself up, spitting out sand from his mouth in the process. as soon as vernon was able to stand up, he hurried to his lapras, rubbing his neck to soothe him down. lapras closed her eyes and hummed. lapras was well-known for having a beautiful voice.

“vernon, we got no time!” mingyu said as he ran to hop onto lapras’ back, but vernon stopped him.

“don’t ride her before she says its okay! she’s going to throw you off her back!” mingyu clucked impatiently, feet tapping on the ground.. when lapras started nodding, vernon stepped onto her shell, before hauling himself upwards. as he finally settled down, he reached out to help mingyu on, and with vernon’s help, the older kid hauled himself upwards, settling himself behind vernon, vernon’s small backpack separating them. mingyu leaned on his backpack, gasping for air as vernon pat lapras’s neck twice. lapras let out another cry before she finally started surfing the sea.

“so, are you going to tell me why you banged on my door at seven in the morning?” vernon asked once the two of them calmed down after the morning run. lapras was surfing quite speedily, the wind hitting them felt refreshing on their necks. vernon’s lapras was smart — having braved the ocean before letting herself be caught by vernon. she had memorized the seas of kanto by heart, so it only took vernon to tell her the destination for her to surf towards the island.

mingyu sighed, patting his poké ball for reassurance. “i have to get a fire stone.” vernon raised an eyebrow at him.

“and… you have to wake me up at seven in the morning for that?” he asked. mingyu thanked god vernon was a pacifist. he knew if that was any other person, he would be in big trouble already.

“well, tomorrow’s the tide. and i have to get it before the tide starts or it’s gonna take a lot of time and i don’t know if the fire stone will still be there or not after the tide.”

“and you couldn’t have just rode the seagallop?” vernon asked, referring to the ferry. mingyu smiled sadly.

“well, if i had any money i would’ve ridden it instead of waking you up at seven in the morning.”

“then you could’ve just bought one at celadon’s department store?” vernon said in exasperation. “i wouldn’t mind accompanying you to celadon city by foot!”

“again,” mingyu mumbled, “no money.” vernon softened at the older boy’s words. money was hard, especially since mingyu’s ace, growlithe, can’t evolve without a fire stone. growlithe was mingyu’s pokémon since he was born, and vernon knew that there was no way mingyu would trade growlithe for anything else in the world.

but, since growlithe was unevolved, it means there are some limits to his powers. his stats wouldn’t be high enough to beat fully evolved pokémon, and even though growlithe himself was considered fast even as a growlithe, evolving into an arcanine would definitely make growlithe even faster.

“look, i’m sorry i had to drag you into this,” mingyu said, the wind sweeping up his hair. “i’ll make it up to you once we get back to vermilion, i promise.”

“it’s okay,” vernon said, quick to understand the older boy’s position. he was lucky lapras was already a fully evolved pokémon — no evolutions, to be exact — so if he won matches, especially gym matches, money came easily to him. and it was also the reason why vernon already finished kanto’s gym challenge, and mingyu hadn't even started his. “i needed to get out and go adventuring again.”

it took about three hours for them to ride from vermilion city to one island, where mt. ember was located. mingyu insisted that the fire stone was located at mt. ember. no trainer appeared during their ride (probably smart enough and rich enough to ride the seagallop, mingyu thought), but groups of seel and dewgong swam along them, and mingyu leaned back, his long arm reaching down to skim the surface of the water. sometimes, groups of staryu and horsea would appear, and mingyu would play with them, jokingly splashing water at them (mingyu didn’t know how he forgot about the fact that they were water type pokémon, but he did, and in return, got splashed by their water guns). the groups of seel and dewgong would also appear from underwater, waving their fins at him before swimming somewhere else. mingyu figured they probably saw the ferry often, but the ferry couldn’t stop to play with them.

it was about two and a half hours into the ride when the island finally came into view. vernon was currently knocked out, leaning his head on lapras’ neck with his hands around it. mingyu felt bad for the boy, for he did wake him up without any messages, so he decided to let him sleep some more. his hand reached out for the only poké ball he had with him, fumbling with it nervously.

to be honest, he had promised growlithe that he will evolve in two days, and growlithe had believed him, barking happily. mingyu knew that growlithe loved to battle and wished to battle stronger opponents, but mingyu also knew that if he didn't evolve he would have a hard time, and mingyu couldn’t beat seeing growlithe suffer. growlithe was, in a way, mingyu’s baby.

when mingyu could spot the pokémon center ahead, he tapped vernon’s shoulder, signalling him to wake up. vernon groaned as he opened his eyes, releasing his hold on lapras. he stretched to release the stress from his arms.

“we’re finally here,” he stated as lapras gracefully glided ashore. mingyu stepped off first, his feet hitting the soft sand, the sea water slightly splashing. mingyu held his hand out to help vernon off lapras, and vernon took it gratefully, before hopping down with a grunt. vernon turned to pat lapras’s neck, and lapras let out a happy cry before lowering her head, asking for a pet on the head. vernon laughed before obliging, and lapras hummed in satisfaction. vernon took out her poké ball, pressing the button to lapras’ neck. lapras then turned into a white silhouette, before completely disappearing into the poké ball.

“thanks. you did great.” vernon hummed, before turning around to face mingyu.

“i’m gonna have to go to the pokémon center first to rest lapras. is it okay?” mingyu nodded. after all, they had reached the island thanks to lapras. mingyu guessed it would be fine if they spared a few minutes for lapras to recover.

the two of them started heading towards the red roofed building otherwise known as the pokémon center. one island was a small island — so there were literally almost to no buildings besides the pokémon center and probably five houses. mingyu heard that bill, the guy famous for creating the pokémon box, lives here. he would want to meet bill if he had no deadlines, but sadly he had to fulfill his promise to growlithe.

the trip to the pokémon center only took them five minutes. vernon wanted to stop to eat, but mingyu stopped him, telling him they can eat during the way (for it was already eleven in the morning and mingyu didn’t want to waste any more time).

“according to the map, it says we should head for kindle road. it’s east from here.” mingyu said, staring at his map. vernon headed where east was, before stopping on his tracks.

“hyung,” he called. mingyu looked up from his map before it dawned on him.

“we’re have to surf again.”

this time, however, it only took them around fifteen minutes to surf from one island to kindle road. mingyu, feeling guilty for interrupting lapras’s rest, had fed her five oran berries as soon as they arrived on kindle road. lapras, delighted to see the berry, had eaten it speedily, almost chewing off mingyu’s hand in the process. as lapras was a gentle pokémon, she felt terrible, and rubbed her head on mingyu’s as a way to ask for forgiveness.

mingyu chuckled. “it’s okay buddy. you’re forgiven.” lapras cried in delight before vernon finally returned her to her ball.

mingyu turned to look at the scenery in front of him. he could see a lot of greens ahead — wild grass, where wild pokémon can be found and caught — and tall cliffs surrounding them. he could already see herds of ponyta and rapidash even from far away. flocks of spearow and fearow were flying above their heads. mingyu reached for his poké ball, pressing the button twice before a puppy-like pokémon emerged, barking happily as he finally solidified. mingyu grinned and opened his arms towards it, and the big orange ball of fluff leaped into mingyu’s arms.

“we’re finally here, growlithe! in a few hours you can evolve!” growlithe barked once more, wagging his tail in happiness.

in a glance, growlithe looked more like a tiger than a dog. growlithe’s fur was orange with black stripes, and the fur on its muzzle, chest, belly, and tail was beige, an additional tuft of fur on top of its head.

vernon smiled at the sight in front of him. he too, wanted the elder boy to start his gym challenge soon. that way, they can finally fulfill the promise they made when they were kids — battle each other with fully evolved teams. now mingyu was so close to his first step, and vernon wanted to help however he could (even if it meant being woken up at seven in the morning).

another small promise they made was to trade pokémon that can only evolve by trading. vernon already caught kadabra, and

mingyu put growlithe down, and the pokémon stood by mingyu’s side, wagging its tail furiously. growlithe is a loyal pokémon, and wouldn’t run until given orders otherwise. vernon could tell it was itching to run ahead, but since mingyu hadn’t said anything, he wouldn’t run until mingyu says it’s okay to do so.

“let’s go!” mingyu said, running for the greens ahead. growlithe barked happily, following his owner. vernon laughed at the sight, before running ahead after them.

“wait for me!”

the three of them slowed down once they reached the wild grass, afraid to startle any wild pokémon. the herds of ponyta and rapidash had been friendly, letting growlithe play with them once in a while. vernon sent out his own rapidash, who got along very well with the other rapidash.

after walking for half an hour, they settled down under a tree for lunch. mingyu had packed sandwiches and kimbaps — apparently, mingyu had packed a lot of spares for vernon and his pokémon too.

“i make a lot and i usually just give the leftovers to any wild pokémon in sight.” mingyu had told vernon when the latter accused mingyu of planning to take him all along.

vernon sent out all his pokémon except for lapras, which included the currently grazing rapidash, kadabra, scyther, snorlax and wigglytuff. snorlax, taking up most of the space, was still sleeping, as if he’s still inside his poké ball. scyther pokéd her scythes on snorlax’s stomach lightly, whilst wigglytuff went towards mingyu to help him, which mingyu accepted gratefully. meanwhile, kadabra headed towards growlithe in curiosity, and used his psychic to lift the puppy pokémon up. growlithe yelped in surprise before howling.

“kadabra, we do not randomly lift people up with psychic. now put growlithe down, please.” kadabra looked at vernon with a sad face, but vernon’s firm face made him lower growlithe down. as soon as growlithe's paws reached the ground, he ran for mingyu, wailing.

“it’s okay, baby,” mingyu cooed, petting his head. “he’s just playing with you. why don’t you play with bulbs too?” mingyu reached for the only other poké ball he has and released his bulbasaur out. growlithe barked in happiness as he leaped for bulbasaur, whose quick reflexes helped her catch growlithe with her vine whips.

mingyu had prepared a feast, to say the least. he had prepared lots of sandwiches (spicy ones for fire types growlithe and rapidash). they spent an hour for lunch (with snorlax eating almost half of mingyu’s sandwiches), and another thirty minutes to clean up. vernon sent back all his pokémon into their respective poké balls, letting rapidash say goodbye to her newly made friends.

bulbasaur had helped mingyu clean up the place before mingyu called her back to her ball. mingyu had offered growlithe to return to his ball to rest, but growlithe was too energetic to rest.

“how long is it going to take us to get to mt. ember?” vernon asked as he zipped his backpack close. mingyu looked at his map, and then at his watch.

“around two to three hours?” he said as he rolled his map before putting it on the side of his backpack. “it’s currently one pm, so if we hurry we can arrive there by three pm, and then go out by five pm. hopefully we can reach one island back around seven or eight pm, then head back to vermilion city.” vernon did not need to go through mingyu’s itinerary to feel exhausted. even only listening to the plan seemed exhausting — how were they going to finish that in less than twelve hours?

mingyu, however, wasted no time. as if the sandwich he ate earlier restored all of his energy, he ran towards north, growlithe catching up to him in no time. vernon realized that if he doesn’t run now, he probably would not be able to catch up with mingyu.

mingyu wanted to go to the ember spa so bad, considering his muscles were starting to cramp from running all day. but they were behind schedule, and mingyu’s perfectionist ass didn’t dare to waste another second.

they ran into trouble once when growlithe bumped into an angry graveler. growlithe’s fire typing was definitely a loss to them, but thanks to mingyu’s quick thinking by sending out bulbasaur, they managed to weaken the graveler to let them pass through. if bulbasaur had been a higher level, mingyu would’ve definitely caught that graveler — and trade it with vernon. but mingyu didn’t want to let any of his other pokémon evolve before growlithe — if his puppy was going to be loyal to him, then he’s going to be loyal to his puppy too, no matter what it takes.

once they passed the ember spa, they came to a slope leading towards a beach. when the horizon came into view, mingyu sighed in relief — if they can already see the ocean, that means they’re already halfway there. one more hour to go and they can finally begin the search for the fire stone.

growlithe started barking happily at the sight of the ocean, running even faster than before towards the icy water. mingyu shouted for growlithe in fear — he’s a fire type, for arceus’s sake! before anything bad could happen, mingyu spurted forward, using all the energy he has left to stop growlithe from diving into the ocean.

thanks to his long legs, mingyu reached growlithe right as growlithe’s paws touched the icy water. growlithe yelped in surprise when mingyu picked him up before losing his balance. mingyu’s body fell to the sand below, gasping for air. his legs had given out — he had ran as if his life depended on it. and in a way, his life did.

growlithe whined at the sight of mingyu panting for air, his head lightly bumping mingyu’s, as if asking if he’s okay. not soon after, vernon arrived next to mingyu. kneeling next to the boy as he handed the boy a bottle of lemonade. mingyu took it gratefully before sitting up, gulping almost half of the bottle in one shot.

“growlithe,” mingyu called, still wheezing for air. growlithe climbed into his lap, no longer as energetic as earlier. he probably understood that he did something bad this time, vernon thought.

“you’re a fire type,” mingyu said gently. “you remember what happened when you first battled lapras, right?” growlithe’s ears were down, and he let out a small whine.

“yes, you lost because of lapras’s water pulse. and the ocean,” mingyu gestured to the beautiful view in front of them, “is made of water. if you dive in there, arceus knows what would’ve happened.” growlithe was quiet, but looked at mingyu as if asking for forgiveness. mingyu ruffled growlithe’s fur, and growlithe looked a little bit better.

“maybe it’s time for you to return to your ball,” mingyu said, reaching for growlithe’s poké ball. “i’ll let you out again once we cross the sea, alright, buddy?” growlithe barked in agreement, and mingyu gently tapped the poké ball to growlithe’s body, who transformed into a white silhouette before completely disappearing into the poké ball. vernon patted mingyu’s shoulders.

“that was a close call,” vernon said, stepping towards the sea. “you go take a breather. i’ll get lapras out from her ball and ready her for our journey.”

as soon as mingyu was able to stand, he wasted no time to continue on the journey. the sun was shining bright on them — it was two in the afternoon, after all. the surf across wasn’t as fun as earlier, though — instead of friendly groups of seel and dewgong, the ocean was filled with groups of tentacool and tentacruel, and mingyu definitely did not want to touch any of the water.

lapras, however, was swimming faster than before — probably because the sun gives her energy. vernon occasionally patted her on the head, and she would cry in delight.

after an hour, they finally arrived in front of the entrance of mt. ember. mingyu heard vernon thank lapras before returning her to her ball. he took a deep breath.

this was it. they finally reached mt. ember after all the journey.

as promised, mingyu let growlithe out of his ball. growlithe barked happily, almost as if the incident earlier never happened. but then again, they were so close to getting the fire stone for him.

but growlithe — being a fire type — barked because he smelt something familiar. growlithe started for the cave, and mingyu and vernon followed behind him.

“he must’ve smelt the fire stone,” vernon stated. mingyu tilted his head.

“growlithe’s a fire type, and you know they have a very keen sense of smell,” he explained. “he’s been looking for the fire stone for all his life, and he’s a growlithe, so he must recognize the smell.”

true to vernon’s words, growlithe had sniffed the tracks, navigating their way towards the rocky mountain. sometimes mingyu and vernon would come across a machop or a geodude, but growlithe was so focused into searching for the fire stone that he moved so quickly, even the machop and geodude couldn’t catch up to him.

vernon was starting to lose energy half an hour into the hike — it was a mountain, after all, and the fire stone wasn’t located on the base of the mountain, sadly. he wanted to ask for a fice minute break, but he knew mingyu wouldn’t want to waste any more time, and he also knew growlithe wouldn’t stop for him. they’ve been waiting for this for almost ten years now, and vernon wouldn’t want to ruin the fun for them. he slowed his pace, still quick enough to not lose them, but enough for him to slowly regain his energy.

after what seemed like forever, growlithe finally stopped his tracks. vernon was leaning on a boulder, no longer capable of climbing anymore. but to his luck, they were already on the summit — now looking for the stone is all they need to do.

“hey, vernon,” mingyu called. “you just sit and rest. growlithe and i will look for the stone.” vernon did not oppose. he let his body fall to the ground, panting for air as he felt his legs cramping. he probably should’ve just called for kadabra to teleport him up to the summit — now, why didn’t he think of that? better yet, all of them could just teleport home after this!

he felt incredibly stupid for only realizing this now, but then again, mingyu also did not realize, so that makes the two of them.

on the other hand, mingyu and growlithe were actively searching — there were a lot of boulders and rocks. an hour passed and mingyu was sure they’ve been looking at every nook and cranny, but there were no signs of the fire stone anywhere.

that is, until growlithe kept barking into a certain boulder.

“what is it?” mingyu approached, but growlithe only continued barking. his front paws started scratching the boulder, so mingyu stepped forward to remove the boulder from the way. it was heavy — there was no way mingyu could do this on his own, but he didn’t want to trouble vernon anymore.

suddenly, growlithe let out a cry before pushing his whole body onto the boulder. the boulder moved, and mingyu realized right there and then that growlithe was using strength.

“good job, growlithe!” mingyu said, pushing together with growlithe. growlithe let out a little growl as the boulder finally moved out of their way, and in front of them was a small rock. growlithe pounced on it once for the rock to crack. mingyu took the rock and slammed it on the ground, and the rock finally cracked, revealing an ember colored stone. growlithe pounced on mingyu happily as mingyu fell on his back, hugging growlithe.

“we did it, growlithe! we found the fire stone!” growlithe was licking mingyu’s face and mingyu didn’t mind one bit. mingyu was laughing — a few hours ago he didn’t feel like he would succeed on his quest, but he did and he was so happy.

his happiness was cut short when vernon ran towards them, panting.

“hyung! i’ve been calling you, didn’t you hear me?”

“vernon, we found the fire stone!” mingyu grinned at him as he sat up. vernon looked frantic — what’s happening?

“that’s great, but i think we have a big problem!” mingyu opened his mouth to ask what the other boy meant when a cry of a bird broke the silence. above their heads, a red silhouette flew over them, and it felt like they were near a volcano. mingyu gulped. bird, red, hot. this could only mean one thing.

moltres landed on a boulder fifty metres ahead of them. mingyu and vernon were gaping in awe — they’ve heard legends of the legendary birds, but didn’t think they would ever come in contact with any of them! (when he got home, it occurred to mingyu that according to the legends, moltres resided on the summit of the mt. ember — mingyu didn’t know how he forgot about that small fact).

moltres was gold — it had a long, flowing head crest and a billowing tail, both made of reddish-orange and yellow flames. additionally, its wings were also shrouded in fiery plumage. it was eyeing them carefully, and none of them dared to move a muscle.

“should we make a run for it?” vernon asked. mingyu longed to take the fire stone, but he was scared moltres would attack him if he moved his hand.

“vernon,” mingyu said. vernon hummed in response, not daring to turn his head.

“this might be our only chance to ever battle moltres.”

“hyung, you only have growlithe and bulbasaur. we’re never gonna win.”

“it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience,” mingyu said. “besides, i need you to cause a distraction for me.”

before vernon could take his ball out, growlithe barked in anxiousness, and all hell broke loose.

from his beak, moltres fired a flamethrower towards growlithe and mingyu. growlithe yelped and jumped off of mingyu, and mingyu’s quick instincts screamed at him to roll to the right, which he did. the pebbles and rocks on the ground caused him to groan in pain.

“lapras, go!” vernon threw his dive ball out, and lapras emerged, crying out her battle cry.

“lapras, hydro pump!” lapras shrieked before shooting out a powerful hydro pump — but moltres dodged it easily, for it has wings.

while moltres was distracted, mingyu jumped for the fire stone — moltres might be beautiful and all, but mingyu will never forgive it if his quest fails, especially not because he’s a legendary pokémon.

moltres shot a fire blast at vernon and lapras, but growlithe leaped in front of the fire blast, getting slammed by the fire blast into the ground in the process. he yelped, and mingyu didn’t realize he had shouted for growlithe’s name in despair. he needed to get the fire stone to growlithe somehow!

“hyung!” vernon cried. “i’ll cover, so you go evolve growlithe!” lapras let out another cry before using avalanche against moltres — moltres’s flying-typing neutralizing the damage, instead of it being not very effective.

mingyu wanted to run for growlithe, but he knew if he did, moltres would turn him into a roasted mingyu, and mingyu didn’t want that. he saw growlithe grunt in pain, but managed to stand up, his feet stumbling. so mingyu did the only thing he could think of.

“growlithe, catch!” mingyu threw the fire stone towards growlithe, and moltres was too distracted by lapras to notice. growlithe jumped in the air and caught the fire stone in his fangs, and he shined.

everyone was too distracted by growlithe’s evolution to continue the battle — even moltres. growlithe’s body grew — his body and feet grew longer, the taft of fur on his head grew towards the back of his head, and his tail got visibly longer and bigger. when the blue light vanished, growlithe was no longer there — arcanine roared handsomely, eyes ready to battle.

mingyu choked back a sob. after ten years, his growlithe was finally an arcanine.

he didn’t have much time to rejoice, though, because once the evolution process was done, moltres decided it was a good time to attack them with another fire blast (in a way, it was though). vernon shouted at lapras to dodge, but mingyu knew lapras wouldn’t have made it. arcanine, however, with his newfound speed, managed to push back the fire blast with flamethrower — a stronger version now that he was fully evolved. he ran towards mingyu’s side in no time, his eyes staring at mingyu, full of trust.

“vernon,” mingyu called.

“yeah?”

“if we die fighting moltres, i have no regrets.”

“you won’t, because the minute we start to become the losing side i will have kadabra teleport us back home.” mingyu laughed, too happy too contain his joy.

“well, i wanna fight first. how about you?” vernon smirked at the elder boy.

“i finished the gym challenge — i never run away from challenges.” mingyu smirked as both him and vernon switched into battle stance.

“lapras/arcanine,” they said in unison, “i choose you!”

[nicistrying]

Just a reminder that no one has visible abs or a flat stomach all day long! I noticed I was sucking in my belly a lot today so I went and stood in front of the mirror and let it relax and I actually smiled at my little tummy getting a break. And then I did a quick little workout before it got dark and I lost all my motivation to do anything physical lol.

Today has been nice - I played Animal Crossing while Matthew was doing uni work this morning, we had lunch together, he went to work and I went out for a nice long walk and called my sister. I also did some Christmas shopping online and budgeted for the next month just to make sure I'm going to be okay between paying rent, buying Christmas presents and dropping £200 on a spa day for my stepmam's 50th. I'm only panicking bc I'll be paying the full £400 and then waiting for my sister to send me her half.

Anyway in other news, I've concluded that I'm done with tracking calories. I gave it a good go this year since I got my Fitbit last Christmas and tbh it was quite helpful and interesting in some ways - I started actually weighing out the correct portions of cereals, pasta, nuts etc so I actually knew what a recommended portion was. However, I did notice, especially over the last few months, that I was getting stressed and irritable around meal times bc I was planning in my head exactly what i was going to eat and how much, I was checking my fitbit all the time to see what I'd burned, I was thinking about food all the damn time and starting to restrict myself and implement dumb rules like not having proper snacks with nutritional value that would satisfy me, and instead having lots of little things that add up to the same caloric value if not more, but they weren't nutritious or filling. I binged more and I was really self critical when I did, especially when that meant I ended the day in a surplus. Soooo I've concluded it's not for me. I stopped 3 days ago and I already feel so much more free, less restricted, less pressured, and I've freed up so much headspace that was taken up with thinking constantly about what I would eat next and counting calories in my head. These past few days I've eaten way better bc I've allowed myself to have bigger, more satisfying snacks that have some nutritional value rather than limiting myself to crackers and nuts and ending up bingeing. So back to intuitive eating for me! I hadn't tracked for about 5 years before this year and I stayed pretty much the same weight the whole time. I wasn't worried about food and I got good at listening to my body. So I'm happy to be going back to that bc I remember thinking last week that I could barely imagine not counting calories in my head and checking how many I'd burned all the time and that was just depressing. I became hyper aware of bloating and stuff too and any slight change made me terrified I was gaining weight and it felt like the world was ending and it was just horrible. I have gained a little weight but hasn't everyone this year? And who gives a shit? No one sees my belly other than Matthew and he cuddles it every night and tells me he loves it. So yeah if anyone else finds tracking calories depressing and stressful, I'd encourage you to take a week off and see how you feel!

*This was from yesterday but my internet has just now decided to post it lmao