#bc I will enjoy it once it’s happened and it’s infinitely better for my mental health than This

[exopelagic]

actually no fuck it I’m going full morning person. return to form

[collectivefandomstuff]

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

[fmdduri]

word count: question 1 is 402 words, question 2 is 316 words, question 3 is 283 words, question 4 is 342 words, question 5 is 268 words, question 6 is 351 words.  reward: +5 tracker points. 

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background.

probably the biggest changes of duri, comes from the fact that he now is aged down to being born in the year of 1994. i always felt like it would be better for duri to be younger, but because he was already well established, he continued to be in his hag days. however, thanks to the restructure, i was able to finally make duri part of maknae line of his group, in this case being titan. it’s a little change, but it really makes me pretty happy. 

with this change, as well, comes some slight background changes. duri has now become a trainee in january 2009, training for two years until january of 2011, which was when titan had debuted. before, duri had only trained for about two months, before he had debuted as the member of a group. this change also removes him from completely his military enlistment before debuting, due to age - which is fine, because i have future headcanons involving enlistment that are in my head, that probably won’t be shared, but they’re there! 

opinion wise on things, i think the only opinions that duri has is a bit of a favor for the infinite releases, over the other releases. that might just be the second gen stan in me, but infinite is one of my ults (shinee and cassie still taking the first two spots, of course,) but they’re definitely tied with exo. however, overall, duri really enjoys their discography, and has no completes about it whatsoever. 

one small thing that changed as well as the name of people in his life. i changed the names of his parents, as well as his uncle and aunt. now, his father is bonju, his mother is aeri, his uncle is bongki, and his aunt is choa. this is a small change i wanted to reference as different, just because i mentioned them all often and they had different names before. 

one last change that i think is important to mention is that even though duri has never had a scandal attached to himself - he has had a saesang issue, which simply just comes with titan - it also doesn’t help that he’s always been clean from scandals, so more seemed to attach themselves. however, duri is a titan member that bc entertainment decided to protect from them, so it’s a problem that doesn’t really stick around for him. 

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group?

bc entertainment is seemingly a bit of a mixed bag - at least, that’s how it feels to duri. he feels really lucky to be in bc entertainment, as they’re considered to be the best of the best, and they’re probably the reason why titan became “the kings of kpop” in the first place, nonetheless. not the mention, bc entertainment has given duri so many great opportunities for his career outside of  however, he wonders if bc entertainment fully cares about their artists in general. since he’s struggling himself with mental health and bc entertainment has a bit of a problem with overworking duri, he can’t help but to wonder if they cared if he came to them? or if they’d notice something wrong with him? generally, he’s a bit on the fence.

when it comes to his group, titan, duri really loves titan. he enjoys the music that they have put out thus far (of course, give or take a few of their later years tracks, but it’s nothing major) and believes that he’s been a great fit for titan. generally, duri has no problems with titan at all. even though he may be a member that doesn’t have any scandals, whereas other members may (based off of the group description), he believes that things simply happen and don’t believe any member of the group is really at a fault for getting caught up in something. simply, things happen, that’s how to put it. however, duri did have a hard time with titan at first because a lot of people believed he didn’t fit the concept, so he had to work really hard to prove that he was able to handle the concept. now, fans and netizens see that duri is able to fit himself into whatever concept is needed based off his charisma and stage presence. in general, he loves titan as a whole. 

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

duri is currently on his second contract with bc entertainment and titan. when it came to renewing, duri was more than happy with renewing because bc entertainment was still treating them rather well. he can’t say he felt anything negativity towards bc entertainment, simply because of the fact that he was getting work in and out of titan itself. though, there was a bit of a wish to have some solo songs. of course, maybe there’s the same wants of more of a break because titan is one of the hottest groups on the scene and it’s clear that even with things that have happened, titan isn’t going anywhere. the group still has a hold on the industry and truthfully, he hoped that’s something that would continue to happen with the second contract. so, when it comes to hopes for his second contract, he was hoping to finally see a solo debut within the midst. thankfully, that was something that had come the next year, and he had gotten his hope for the second contract. another hope had been to get more than one solo project a year - at this time, he had only gotten either a brand ambassadorship or variety show main cast a year, with nothing else happening to him, and bc entertainment seemingly wanting duri to mainly stay within the realms of titan itself. this was something else that came to fruition, with him getting more projects each year, essentially working more into that realm of “overworking.” but, duri is rather happy and wishes he could be gay in the open - but, that’s clearly something that he has to continue to wish and is just that, a wish.

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

duri’s most personal goal/dream is probably be get married and have kids. of course, this is something that can’t happen right now, and probably won’t happen for a good while, since there’s still so much to do as a member of titan and as a soloist, so he has to continue on simply just not doing. however, it’s something that’s just really up there and something that he really wants for himself. for now, though, he’ll settle with dogs and a cat as his children, his fur children - they’re just as much of family as humans are. 

another more personal goal that duri has is to do more for charity. for the longest time, he’s always done charity work. however, he feels like he could so do more, and would love to maybe become an ambassador for something of that sort. however, bc entertainment seems to not push for it all that much, so he assumes he’ll have to advocate for it himself. though, maybe they think his own person works of charity is more than enough, instead of gaining a ambassadorship for that. 

career wise for goals, seems to be a bit more extensive for duri. of course, duri would really like to release more music wise. it would also be cool to chart higher than he has with his music, but he’s not complaining because he’s still done rather well. not to mention, the chance to do more osts for dramas. besides for that, he’d like to have more main cast variety jobs. this is something that he has a lot of fun with, where he really just gets to show off himself some. he enjoys making appearances on shows, but he’d love to have something a little bit more permanent once again. he’s sure he’ll manage to get there, of course. following that, duri would also love to have some more brand ambassadorships. however, he’d really enjoy some brighter ones, like what he has done for baskin-robbins and coca-cola, as a few others were seemingly not as bright.

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

the one conflict that duri has been slightly dealing and needs to deal with in the future is his mental health. due to the car accident that occurred when duri was five years old, he suffers with post traumatic stress disorder. when he was younger, this was something that was dealt with and he even kept up with it as a trainee. however, as duri got really busy with titan, as well as the established career claims, he seemingly fell off in treatment. this caused him to have a relapse with his mental health, sometime down the line. currently, it’s probably at it’s worst, and something he’s slightly dealing with. however, because it’s something that he’s really managed to ignore for a bit, pretending that he’s perfectly okay, and telling people that he’s okay - it needs to be dealt with in the future, but he continues to really just ignore it. not to mention, he also has insomnia that goes along with the ptsd, so more often than not, he’s exhausted, rather than well rested. he treats it with multiple cups of coffee, which definitely just makes it worst - but, that’s how he has to get through a schedule. simply, there seems to be a lot that really goes along with this, along with often being haunted in his dreams with the scene that changed constantly, before he’s waking up sweating and sobbing. will he figure out how to ask for help? or will he continue to suffer? it’s most likely the former, simply because he’s rather embarrassed that he has gotten bad all over again. 

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

duri has an established career in modeling, variety, & songwriting. thus far, he’s really happy with his established career. it wasn’t something that he was really expecting, thinking that he’d have more osts or something along those lines, with bc entertainment most likely wanting to use his voices - since they did keep him hidden when he was a trainee, due to his voice and not letting him do anything during those two years. however, it’s a bit interested they wanted to use his face and his likeness for both modeling and variety instead. however, duri can’t really complain because he really liked being the ambassador for both beanpole and baskin-robbins - arguably he liked being the ambassador for baskin-robbins a bit more, since he felt it fit himself a bit more. but, he does understand getting a beanpole ambassadorship. when it came to being placed on main casts for variety, he did really enjoy those as well, especially cool kiz on the block. sure, he’s not really sporty (besides for being an avid gym-goer.) but, he really did enjoy doing the neighborhood sports and this was what had gotten him really more comfortable with variety, and it proved he was a good accent for variety. however, his next main cast wouldn’t come till 2018 with dunia: into a new world. truth be told, he didn’t really get it at first, but once he did, it was clear there really was something there. he had fun with the concept and the whole being brought back to life in the game was a cool addition. of course, duri really, really enjoyed getting to write for titan. he has full writing credits for b-sides: light, playboy, she’s dreaming, and lights out. he also had full writing credits for one title track, kokobop. 

in the future, duri would like to continue this track of modeling, variety, and creative claims. of course, he’d also like more solo musics, but those are givens. in general, his career will be completely focused on music, modeling, variety, and creative claims - keeping himself to those 4 areas mostly. 

[cvntlecter]

PROMPT totally not from galaxypeal: for reylo, Rey and Ben interacting with force sensitive younglings!

Younglings

Prompted

Rey was nervous. Ben could feel her tension flood the bond, it was a roaring wave of apprehension and stress.

“Rey?” Ben reached out, touching her arm. The young woman shuddered and flinched away from his touch. He felt his heart squeeze painfully for a fraction of a second. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m scared.” She responded after a few seconds of silence.

“Me too.” He replied, reaching a slightly trembling hand out to grasp her own shaking hand. “What if they look at me like I’m a monster. I don’t know how I’d be able to handle that Rey.”

“We’ve got each other.” Rey spoke resolutely, pushing her own fears aside so that she could help Ben feel better. He loved this woman with all his heart, and for her he’d face his fears so that she’d feel less afraid too.

She squeezed Ben’s hand, her response to his feelings coming through the bond. Ben shot a small, wobbling smile at Rey who nodded, her expression soft and tender.

He couldn’t help his own apprehension as the two of them entered the small classroom together. A group of about ten younglings stared at them with awe, wonder and not a shred of judgement.

All of the children looked upon them with such open, happy expressions and Ben felt his eyes well up. Ben knew he wasn’t good, he really wasn’t, but he’d changed for the better.

These eyes that looked at him were the kids of the future. The future Force users. The younglings who held nothing against him. Instead accepted him for who he presented himself as now, a teacher and guardian for them.

Rey and himself went around and introduced themselves to the excited children, pulling them into hugs and asking enthusiastic questions about each other. Shortly, after their initial greetings, the duo separating to train one half of the class each.

Ben, some minutes later after observing his clutch, saw a young girl struggling with using the binding helmet and small shooter. Silently, he walked up to her and patted her helmet, wordlessly instructing the little girl to take it off.

“That’s not how you do it.” He spoke softly, smiling down at young girl, Amara who had the brightest red hair and just as piercing green eyes. She looked up at him, face flushed in embarrassment and Ben startled.

He didn’t want to make any child feel bad and quickly rushed to correct himself. “I… Uh… Well you see, you shouldn’t concentrate too hard. Let the force come to you, feel it around you. Open your mind to your surroundings. See watch me.”

Using the Force, he pulled a training saber towards him, out from the spare rack and closed his eyes. With a deep breath, Ben let his mental barriers fall and let the Force melt into his mind. Felt the cold, the warm, the life of the children surrounding him, then Rey.

Ben smiled, raising the saber. The landscape around him was but a distant hum now as he let the Force dictate his movements. Ben felt himself start a basic form, felt the cool rush of everything surrounding him sweep into his mind.

There were so many emotions that tumbled into his mind, all roaring at the softest sound and it was a pleasant yet overwhelming feeling. He let the Force guide him for a few seconds more before he raised his barriers again and opened his eyes.

“Did you see that?” Ben crouched down and asked the youngling again. She nodded, green eyes bright and excited.

“You were practicing forms, right?” The girl’s high voice asked him.

“Yes.”

“And you used the Force while practicing?”

“I did.” Ben nodded happily, “All I did was open my mind to everything. Just let it wash over you and feel the Force in you and around you. It’ll come easier each time.”

Amara shot him the widest smile before she ran off, leaving Ben stunned in the wake of such happiness directed at him that wasn’t from Rey.

“Ben?” He heard coming from his side, slowly he turned to look at his partner. Rey’s hazel eyes widened as she rushed to his side, kneeling next to him and pulling him into her arms. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Crying?” Was all that he picked up on and all of a sudden, he felt the wetness on his cheeks. The salty tang of his tears drip into his mouth, it scared him. “I’m not crying.” Ben denied, shaking his head and letting his dark hair fall in front of his face.

“Don’t lie to me.” Rey’s voice admonished him softly as she wiped away the tears away from his eyes. “Tell me.”

Ben shuddered softly. “I couldn’t believe it. Seeing that much happiness directed at me. From someone that wasn’t you. It was terrifying. These kids don’t know what I’ve done. The people I’ve killed and if they do… They’re all smiling at me with the most beautiful smiles. Like I’m not a monster, that I deserved to be saved.”

“Because you did!” Rey hissed fiercely, tilting his head up and forcing him to look her in the eyes. Her hazel eyes were orbs of molten, raw emotion that froze Ben. “You deserve to be here. With me. With them. I can see it. I can feel it. You want to look after these children, make sure that they’re never going to be hurt or let down the way you were.”

“I’m happy.” He admitted softly and Rey pulled him into her arms once more. “I’m so happy I get this opportunity. But what if I fuck it up? I don’t want to.”

“You won’t, you’re already so attached to them.” She ran a calming hand through his thick locks and and hushed loving words into his ears. “It’s fine, the younglings all love you already. Now let’s go back. Just be you Ben.” She said as she pulled away from him.

Throughout the day, there’d been many mishaps, yelling and tears from every single person in the room. By the end of the day, he was exhausted and so was Rey. He could see it her eyes and it flowed through their bond.

Fondly, Ben recalled some of his day’s highlights. One being, when he couldn’t help the snicker that escaped his throat as he watched one of the younger children Force trip an older one and Rey had to comfort the two of them. The younger crying because it was an accident and the older because they scraped their knee.

His day with the younglings went infinitely better than Ben had expected it to go. There was a spark of joy in his being that he felt was undistinguishable, it would take hell to ruin his day and Ben knew that wouldn’t happen.

The classroom was quiet as they watched the children nap. “I like kids.” Ben spoke absently, a faraway grin etched onto his face as he thought of a future that wouldn’t be so far away.

Rey’s smile mirrored his own as she rubbed her stomach. “I know.”

@galaxypeal :) finally finished your request @darksidesdaddy bc I know u wanted to read this)

I hope that I did okay, im still not used to writing for reylo!!! I really enjoyed writing this though!!