#bc i could be writing my thesis rn

[yarrowleef]

mmm somethings been rattling around inside my brain about queerness in xenofiction (warrior cats centric cause that's obviously mostly what people are talking about in my internet circles) and I know around here I am preaching to the choir but w/e. I feel like i may have made this post before but i’ll do it again until i feel like i’ve crafted all of my thoughts correctly

everyone knows there’s always like. some shmuck on twitter or youtube comment sections, complaining about how gay cats just don’t make sense ~realistically~

and the common argument back is always something along the lines of “these cats have complex society and religion and talk to ghosts and sometimes have magic powers, and being gay is where you draw the line? it doesn’t have to be realistic”

and something just rubs me the wrong way about that argument, not that it’s WRONG, it’s not wrong, xenofiction by definition is all super super unrealistic. I think it’s more like, it oversimplifies it. because honestly when I make critiques about the warriors world building not making sense, I don’t tend to like the argument beginning and ending at “well it doesn’t have to be realistic” because no it doesn’t but it’s still supposed to feel believable.

i think i don’t like that the argument seems to imply that gay animal characters are at all on par with other fantasy things like talking to ghosts and having powers or complex religion. I also don’t like it when people who are being fake-supportive can condescendingly say “well the gay couple may be completely absurd and unrealistic but I guess it’s ok because its just a silly fantasy :) ” cause like. Like its not unrealistic tho. i don’t like the implication that it’s uniquely unrealistic, if this was a grounded story with no magic or religion and the cat social groups were more inspired by real feral cats, it would still be illogical for some queer cats not to exist.

 I feel like it is a more effective argument to point out that straight cats are just as unrealistic, in fact more unrealistic and silly

“cats lovingly and monogamously married-for-life and raising kids together” is the absurdity it should be compared to, rather then the magic elements. Because then the complainers have to contend with the fact that they aren’t bothered by unrealistic relationships between cat characters, they are just uniquely bothered by gay ones. 

I mean...not to get tmi but it seems obvious to me this knee jerk reaction people have to rolling their eyes and scoffing when “gay” and “animal character” are placed in the same sentence is based on their insistence on equating the breeding behavior of animals to the romantic relationships of humans. Y'know, they're assuming that when people talk about romantic couples between anthro characters, that that is the sort of thing they are drawing from. When, certainly when it comes to cats, that is a very very poor equivalent. Cat mating behaviors are not affectionate or long lasting--they actually seem quite stressful, and then the father runs off to find more girls and probably never calls his one-night-stand again.  

this is why I am really not fond of “mate” being used at the go-to replacement for husband/wife in xenofiction. Consider just coming up with a brand new word for your animal character’s version of romance! maybe they have types of relationships and words for them that humans don’t even have! but “mate” feels like. an action, nothing more. It doesn’t inherently imply love. frankly I think more people should be anthropomorphizing mates as simply Business Partnerships where the business is in desiring offspring, as opposed to husband/wife.

Just like....ok if you’re going to use the real behavior of animals as at least the loose inspiration for your anthropomorphic character’s behavior, surely pair bonding would be a smoother translation to what we view as a romantic couple?? not mating?? because pair bonded animals are the ones having consistent pleasant interactions, and being physically affectionate, and working together in life, sometimes even raising each others kids together.  

And keeping that in mind, frankly you could argue that gay-coded cats should be the norm. (not that I think pair bonded creatures should always be interpreted as a romantic coded relationship, you could interpret some as platonic or familial or simply allies needing to survive. The point is no matter what route you go, you are projecting some human experience onto animals who’s minds and feelings we cannot ever actually understand. So to make it coded as a gay romance is just as reasonable as making it an adopted found-family sort of affection. You can go any route and be the same amount of unrealistic.)

If these losers actually want reasonable cat fiction, no one should have romantic affection for anyone! and if two cats have kittens together, it should be treated more like a short-lived antagonistic business partnership where you part ways immediately after. If you only criticize one type of romance for being “unbelievable and silly because these are CATS for crying out loud 🙄” but you don't feel “distracted” or “taken out of the story” about the other type of romance, then this aint about realism my guy, sounds like you just have some baggage to unpack.

I am beating people over the head with a very big sign that reads “Whether you’re writing about cats or birds or aliens or fantasy people or whatever, you cannot grant any creature the ability to love without all the variety and complexity that **naturally** goes hand in hand with those messy emotions. If the creatures can fall in love at all, then there must exist the possibility for some of them to be queer about it. And if you view queerness as unnatural, then we don’t have a writing disagreement, we have a fundamental moral disagreement about life. And I can’t help you there, that’s your problem! But I refuse to let people benignly hide behind a “simple desire for more realistic-feeling fiction uwu” as a defense!! (gay people are real. It’s true! I checked!!)”

[raksh-writes]

Ive spent most of yesterday doing all my uni stuff for finals and a couple hours today too, and I should be doing much more, but I can actually feel my brain giving out on me rn. Im starting to develop a headache and that's very much Not ideal. I have A Lot to do and not a lot of time to do it, ughh...

Forcing usually doesn’t work on me though, so even though my anxiety will prob have a field day, I guess I'll try to take a break, maybe play some Skyrim, maybe write a lil' more fanfic if my head feels better, and who knows, if in the evening it feels up to it, I can try to add some more to that big project Im trying to finish or start on a presentation for a different class. Either would be nice, but if its not possible tonight, then I guess I just gotta hope taking a break today will help me get back at it tomorrow.

Here's to hoping!

[marciliedonato]

Thinking abt how last night on the heavn Hayley shoot post someone commented 'blink twice if gerard's next' and they liked it.... Maybe there's a pie in that bush after all...

[ordenza]

i’m unemployed yall

[not-poignant]

Just saw your post about Ghibli + elements of grotesque with the Nausicaa gifset and how you wrote an essay comparing it to Shinto philosophy and I had to ask - you didn't happen to write that for an IB film class did you?? Cause that would be a WILD coincidence if so, bc I'm doing IB film rn and one of our extended essay examples was literally exactly that; an analysis/comparison of Ghibli movies and Shinto philosophy/religion and it was really really good.

Even if not, that's so cool!! I adore Ghibli and totally agree with the points you left in the tags of that post. Ghibli is about confronting the uncomfortable and ugly and grotesque and scary and acknowledging it as a valid and necessary part of life. Everything in balance!! Sure there are some more cutesy kiddy films which I feel have become more mainstream but especially films like Nausicaa have very real and important messages that often get overlooked :( I was really scared of Nausicaa when I was a child and now it's one of my favourite films!!

Anyway, you're awesome, I agree with your takes and Ghibli rocks 💪

Hi anon!

So this is going to be a wild journey, strap in.

I don't know what IB Film is. I did my thesis in a final year university unit specifically where we all developed our own thesis subject, had a supervisor, and it was basically a test run to do first class Honours (which lets you bypass a Masters degree and go straight to the PhD, which I then intended to do). It was a limited class that only had about 10 people in it, I believe. My supervisor was the head of the film department.

Now, this was back in about 2004. Shit I'm old. Ghibli wasn't a household name. It wasn't streaming anywhere. You couldn't get DVDs easily, and if you wanted them you had to make sure you had a region unlocked DVD player to deal with the DRM and then buy them from overseas. Most people were only getting exposed to these films if they were regular cinema-goers, or if they were an aggressive pirate via downloading torrents (which I was). The only place you could get Ghibli merch pretty much was Japan. It absolutely did not have the kind of traction it has now, no one could do a class on it outside of Japan because the majority of students would have no idea what you were talking about.

I think Disney/Lasseter had picked up the option to do dubs, but for the most part, if we were seeing these at the cinema, they were subbed.

So that's the context! That was in an era where I was the one directly getting all of my friends on Livejournal and in person, into Studio Ghibli. I went to the Ghibli film festival back before Spirited Away came out, and that got me hooked years previous.

In 2004 I did my thesis. At the time I was the only person in the English speaking world to do a thesis specifically on my thesis subject. It had been covered briefly in sentences like 'Miyazaki practices Shinto' etc. and there was one other unpublished thesis I was able to find that talked about concepts of Shinto and some of Miyazaki's films which helped me a lot with my thesis.

I went on a deep dive into Shinto. Because it was a thesis, I had to research a lot into the difference between folk and shrine Shinto (Ghibli films lean very 'folk' but there are moments of shrine Shinto), and ended up with a pretty baller reference list. But many, many, many more resources online and off have come out since. I'd find the thesis very easy to do if I was doing it now.

Because I was the first to kind of present my findings in a thesis like this, the thesis ended up getting published in a book on animism and then journeyed further on because it was of interest to people who are interested in representations of animism in mass media, especially popular mass media.

The specific focus of my thesis statement was the difference between the black and white puritanical morality of Disney, the most popular animation studio for children and adults at the time, versus Miyazaki's mixed morality and more nuanced explorations of good and evil, villains, heroes and antiheroes in Ghibli animations, and how that was at least partly founded in the difference between a more Christianised versus Shinto mindset in relation to nature and intersections with humanity.

Idk, something like that.

The thesis did well! I got my high distinction, got my invitation into first class Honours, and then was too sick to go on and get the PhD and teach about these things, which was what I fully intended to do!

My thesis got some traction over the years, published in a few places both online and in at least two books (one that I own, the other I forget because it's been oh my god like 20 years), so the idea got around!

Anon, there is actually a chance - a small chance - that the only reason you're getting this essay subject in a more standardised curriculum is because my thesis made its way into the public eye 20 years ago and got quite popular. It was never peer reviewed or anything, it wasn't a PhD thesis and didn't need to be, it was mostly just a very well-researched (if I do say so myself) collation of thoughts on the subject as someone is also a practicing animist. In retrospect I really wish I'd incorporated more of Zipe's teachings but he was in a completely different field to media studies and my supervisor didn't know about him to suggest him.

Discussions of Ghibli, Miyazaki and Shinto became a lot more popularised as Ghibli got more popular and people in the western world discovered that there were already a published essay (at the time people could read it without paying for it as I'd put it up online for folks to access) that linked to other sources and the unpublished essay I'd found. So...

Um, yeah, that's wild, because I know that this wasn't a thing in universities 20 years ago, because I was so desperate for resources I was emailing around and asking universities so I didn't have to figure so much out myself. 😅

[filmnoirsbian]

im writing my thesis abt internet and social media poetry rn and i just wanted to weigh in on the rupi kaur tags. while an argument can be made for the accessibility of her (and other instapoets) poetry, that argument centers around instagram as a platform and not the poetrys difficulty or aesthetic quality. in fact, i'd argue that the ease of accessibility is in fact harmful simply bc of the topics discussed in her poetry. rupi kaur & many instapoets like her mostly gained popularity bc of their feminism and while their poetry may seem that way at a glance, it's all just smoke and mirrors taking the form of feminist buzzwords. the actual text not only fails to undermine but in fact often enforces and perpetuates harmful patriarchal and very often racist powerbalances.

i can give some sources if needed but i cant remember if i only got access to those through uni or if theyre free to read. im sure i could fine something if needed to though. im off anon so people can just come directly to me if they want to

You don't need to give sources but I'd be interested in reading them if you want to share

[sam-loves-seb]

weekly tag wednesday

thanks for the tag @deedala @energievie @metalheadmickey @mmmichyyy !!

🔤 Name: sam

🎶 Last song you listened to: october by happy landing

🎵 Artist on Spotify giving you the feels right now: niall horan is having a moment in my spotify stats rn bc i've never really listened to his music before but i'm watching The Voice this season and he's adorable as a coach so i figured i'd give him a shot and i'm vibing hard with a couple of his songs rn

👯‍♂️ Fave Blorbo Moment: fav blorbo moment is when mickey turns down ian's bullshit promise ring stunt in 10x09, like i know it's a sad scene but i could write a thesis on how that moment is the pinnacle of mickey's character development so. yeah.

🍟 Your guilty pleasure snack: nachos

🌮 What food are you craving today: chicken quesadillas

📖 Last fanfic tab you opened: 'take a breath, pull me close' by simmazeing -- a very lovely husbands era fluff piece that i thoroughly enjoyed

🖌️ Favorite fic project you've created: for the shameless fandom i think it's gotta be my whumptober series because some of my new favorite pieces have come out of that project. but it did just finish yesterday, so ask me this again in a month and see where i'm at

👩🏼‍🎤 Next tattoo you want (or would consider if you're not a tattoo person): idk i think like, wildflowers or something? i like the idea of them on my ribs. or the inner upper arm. i don't know. i have one tattoo rn (a small heart on my hip, my sister has a matching one on her wrist) but i want more at some point

🧐🆓 What's living in your head rent free this week: funny if you think i have any working braincells left after finishing whumptober. (jk it's daily pictures of my week old baby nephew)

tagging: @suchagallabitch @callivich @lingy910y @mickeysgaymom @sickness-health-all-that-shit @michellemisfit @gallawitchxx @rereadanon and anyone else who wants to play !

[star-girl69]

Baby don't even apologise for late responses cause regardless of when you reply to me, the response will most definitely have me in space and floating on cloud 9 for the rest of the day.

- ❤️

(Honey I miss you all the time and I think your beauty is unmatched. I call you a gorgeous goddess for a reason❤️❤️❤️)

(You're good at chemistry🤭🤭🤭dammmmmn beauty and brains??? Cause how am I supposed to not fall in love????I can't wait to read what you're writing(remember we are patient and understanding don't push yourself) You sound so hardworking 🤭)

(I LIVE FOR YOUR YAPSSSS. I NEED MOREEEEEE. Tell me about today??? (no pressure though ❤️❤️❤️))

(You're amazing❤️)

i saw i got this ask and then jumped up and down right? like as one does and then my bff said “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” and i was like “GIRL YOU DONT WANNA KNOW” and then she grabbed by phone from me and i was like “girl you’re not gonna like it” and then she threw my phone down and started fake gagging like i toldddddd youuuuuuuu

anyways….

(honey 🤭🤭) ALL THE TIME?????? RAHHHHH i was so sad yesterday bc idk what time zone you’re in but i had to go an ENTIRE DAY without a reply and i was like having withdrawals…. not even funny

i love when you call me gorgeous goddess it makes me like not okay in the head yk? like. i think you can infer how it makes me feel…. 🤭

i’m INSANE at chemistry im taking ap chem next year in fact but i actually have a complaint

THIS SHIT took me forever and then my teacher wasn’t even here today so i could have had an entire day more to do it but WHATEVER. WHATEVER ITS FINE 🙄🙄🙄 it’s not hard or anything it just takes forever and also there’s so many numbers and i SUCK at math so there’s a possibility that i messed up my calculations but IDC!!!!!!! i’m too tired to check it

because of you is turning out so bleh. i don’t like it lmao 😭😭 but i mean idk i’ll still publish probably tmrw hopefully tmrw aka tuesday

i KNOW you all are patient and understanding but i am NOT so 😭😭😭

i fear you are wrong and i am not hardworking do we not remember me talking about how i procrastinate 24/7

THANK YOU IM GIGGLING FR I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL 🤭🤭🤭

today is fine so far but OH MY GOD my ap lang teacher handed us back our synthesis essays and then asked me if i could read mine outloud as what to show everyone NOT to do i was like GIRLLLL NO WAY 😭 but it’s ok i think mrs b still loves me ☹️ it was like bc my topic sentences did not align w my thesis and i was like ok i mean you’re right but wtv… i’m struggling so bad w writing rn idk what’s going on. i mean i still got an 8/10 while most people got 7 or 6 so i still ate.

also i love baby hippos

and i have sat prep class today after so that SUCKS let’s hope it’s not like last week when i had that BLINDING headache good lord. did not rival the great headache of 2022 but still

idk. anyways sorry i hope you know this makes me like AHHHHHH giggle kick my feet all the stuff i’m not good at expressing it but ☹️ you get the point hopefully…

giggling 🤭 YOURE amazing 💋💋

[cainightfics]

can we get an update? are u doing ok? u had such crazy output last year and now u so suddenly stopped

hey! ya sorry i went so mia its been a busy year. im still working on fic but its slow. from when i last updated trotw to april i was working 3 jobs, taking a full uni courseload, and writing my thesis. the thesis in particular honestly burned me out on writing really badly but i did manage to write that one oneshot

then summer was just shit honestly lol. i spent the entire summer working at a restaurant to save up money bc i had to move away in september, and the shift i had started at 6am, so i was almost never awake during my peak writing hours (11pm to 3am). i lost 30lbs in 2 months partially because i was broke and partially because my eating disorder relapsed (probably from stress lol). during that time i was only eating one meal a day in the form of my free staff lunch at work, but the restaurant where i worked was INFESTED WITH MICE :))))) so half the time i was too disgusted to eat thinking there might be rodent shit mixed into my food lol. and then on my days off i just ate like eggs and rice and zucchini bc thats what i got from the food bank. in august i started really genuinely and consciously restricting my calories down to like 500-800 cals per day, plus working on my feet as a waitress doing like 20k steps a day as a result of the malnutrition and rapid weight loss my hair started falling out in massive clumps :))) and i started sleeping for like 12 hrs a day. im eating properly now ofc tho

i moved in september for grad school and am now living in one of the most expensive cities in the world lol so i spend a lot of time just financially struggling. i have a job that will last until the end of december but its under contract so i only make like $600 a month and have to rely on my $14k school stipend and meagre savings for the rest. ive been looking for another job but i either get no interview, have the interviewer ghost me, or most recently, get told i have the job and then just never get scheduled. i have 7 cents in my checking account rn lol. my rent is paid until next month and then after that who knows whats gonna happen to me

last years output was definitely a fluke and only happened bc i was VERYYYY financially stable and could fuck around a lot at my part time job, where i wrote most of trotw. those sunny days are gone 🚬🚬 lol but i dont intend to abandon my works and i promise they will come someday. if anyone here feels like paying my rent itll come EVEN faster!!!

thx for checking up tho, its nice to know i havent been totally forgotten by u guys <3

[webslingingslasher]

hiiii - 🤍 here

I LOVE YOUR NEW THEME!

but you know what i love more than the theme? CHAPTER 2!!!

I SCREAMED. I DIED. I NEEDED A DAY TO RECOVER. i was SO EXCITED AHDSJKAKJ

first of all, christine. i liked her at first, then she annoyed me bc why is she fucking the guy trouble wanted to fuck. especially KNOWING they were hooking up? fuck off. even tho trouble didnt care it pissed me off djfjkdjkd

THE BEGINNING MENTION OF TRENT MADE ME SO EXCITED bc i read the prologue and had NO idea what was going on. like? are trouble and trent secretly hit men? what is going on. I WAS SO EXCITED AND YOU DELIVEREEDDDDDDDDD. peter RISKING IT ALL FOR TROUBLE ON LIKE, DAY 2 OF KNOWING HER is so real. and he acts like he doesn't care. puh-LEASE!

NFDJKHDSHFJKSHJ NO J IM SO FUCKING EXCITED ADHJSAHDFDKSHKJFSDH IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! THE KISS? ARE YOU INSANE? IT LEFT *ME* BREATHLESS. I WAS SCREAMING. I STILL AM FDHJKFHSJDKHFJDS AHHH BABY TROUBLE AND PETER🥹🥹🥹 im crying. reading this knowing how far theyve come makes me cry bv its fr BABY TROUBLE AND PETER. i love that shes always been delusional. she's just like me <3

ALSO OH MY GOD. PETER PROTECTING HER????? BEING THE HUMAN SHIELD IN BETWEEN TRENT? J I CRIED. I SCREAMED. DFUIDSHJKHJFKGSDHKJ IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. hes so mmmm so sexy! i love (1) one man. only one. maybe two if we count ethan.

SPEAKING OF ETHAN - peter wanting trouble so much he fr gets annoyed at ethan for thinking hes trying to get with her??? ARE U INSANE. I KVDJSKLFJKS. thats his brother for life but he wants trouble so bad, suddenly he cant think straight and is like puffing out his chest when ethans there. i giggled at the taylor swift mention. djsjkfksl

THE WHOLE THING WAS SO GOOD STIOFGJFDIOGD

trouble high is my fav thing. its also making me think ab intox kink with peter but i wont go there rn

her not needing a trip sitter is so iconic but peter was def watching her every move incase she needed one and would pretend he wouldn't.

“Want my advice? Parker is your best bet.”  why was this so hot. im so down bad. like. its shocking. im obsessed

also using rice water bc of christine now.

ally is the cutest bestie.

“Funny. When I asked she said she had no plans.” 🤭 if you saw my face when i read thidshsjkshdjf

“She’s cool. You know, witty, kind, pretty…”

“She’s difficult and entitled.”  I SCREAMED J. I SCREAMED. i wanna film live reactions to me reading the next chapter bc i swear i screamed and giggled and threw my phone across the wall twice (the screen cracked but there's a screen protector so its okay)

“You saw her first, it’s only fair.” It’s tiny, and it’s a microflash, but Peter grinned. HAJGHJGFDKSHSAJKHJSKAHGJ

JSDJ HDJSFKHSD J I WANNA KEEP GOUNG BUT THIS IS GONNA BE SO LONG IM SORRY. IM OBSESSED WITH EVERYTHING U WRITE ADHJSAHJSA.

ethan saying she wants water and her being like omg i do! SO CUTE.

I could write a thesis statement on peter doing that shot with trouble vs ethan saying no. and i think i will. he's SOOOOOOO- DHJFSJKSHDS

him calling her princess🤭🤭 changing my name to princess brb. he was actually talking to me, j. you got it confused. he wasn't talking to trouble <3. me <3.

i hope trent dies. can we kill him later? just a lil poisoning in the cathedral hall, nothing major <3

him saying she isn't totally insufferable🥹🥹 bare minimum i know but from peter thats basically an "i love you"

“You’re a fucking dick.” 

“Yeah, and you just wanna stick yours in her.” If he wouldn’t be at grounds of expulsion from the frat, Peter would’ve laid him the fuck out right then and there. “Shut the fuck up, Simpson. Just leave it alone.” He does, and throws the door open before parting you with a middle finger.  I CRIEDDDDDD

him calling her freshman after ignoring her after kissing her hurt my feelings but then he breathed or smth the next line and i was like ahh <3 forgiven.

i could go on and on and on but '‘big brother season.’  made me dfjkksd

I LOVE IT SO MUHCSJHDSJ

- 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

THE THESIS YOU JUST WROTE ME IM-???? LET ME SEND YOU A DOLLAR FOR THIS OR SOMETHING??

this actually makes my heart SWELL UP cause like... wow. this means the world. im over here giggling and throwing my laptop at the wall w this!!!

[15-lizards]

ASOIAF is cool as fuck and I love it so bad but GRRM you are walking on thin fucking ice dawg

A rough list of all his crimes (off the top of my head)

-Jon/Arya buildup: I don’t care that they’re actually cousins (which is still weird) THEY WERE RAISED AS SIBLINGS

-Dany in general: please stop talking ab how hot she is in all your interviews. She is fifteen. And stop putting all the old men who want to fuck her in a good light. Drogo. Jorah. Daario. I could go on

-Dothraki in general: how is an entire culture sustaining themselves off of raiding. Why are none of Dany’s bloodriders or handmaidens fleshed out. Why is this entire culture a caricature of the mongols

-Essos in general: why are there no POV characters from there is it bc the whole continent is just for Dany’s character development?? 🤔

-the women…sigh: I don’t think I can name a female character who doesn’t have her tits described. I also don’t love the way he puts most of the women into the “mother maiden crone” archetypes but I guess you could talk the ab thematic elements and narrative and whatnot

I could go on but I don’t feel like writing a thesis paper on this rn

[jimimn]

okay so hold on. im seeing tweets saying that the haircolour jimin has rn is a transition colour and now. if. if as they're saying (bc im no hair colour specialist I've never coloured my hair) , it could be a transition colour to orange. now. if orange jimin makes a comeback.. i will explode and fling my ass to neptune and that is an understatement. but also, it somehow weirdly feels like years since jimin has had his hair black/dark when it has only been a year and a half. I'll miss him. I'm appearing very calm rn while writing this useless thesis but I'm actually losing it inside because why else would i be writing this. anyway i can't wait for what jimin is planning like i know he's shooting an mv rn i just know it i can't wait I'm going insane I'm terribly sorry for making u read this I'm not crazy or anything at all i promise 😀

[tenderloincherub]

trying to make a to read list for the holidays, and like, i don't want to fit in too many books but i wanna make good choices so first i'll just write every single book i want to read rn and then i'll work from there.

I also need this list bc I can take three books out of my uni library for the vacations and ugh choices.

So mainly:

> The fourth book of GoT bc I usually read one per vacations - my dad will lend me this one

books from the book club with my friends

> the pillow book (this was my choice and it's in the school library, we actually have two libraries and i can take books from both so I could borroso six books huh)

> farewell my concubine (PDF bc not available at libraries)

> my other two friends haven't chosen so [two more books here]

Then there's stuff from school that I'm dying to lay my hands on to read complete or reread

> Petronius Satyricon (I want to watch the movie and Bajtin and this is adjacent to my thesis topic so) - borrowed from library

> Iliad (wanna re read)

> Eurypides' entire works (my greek lit professor gave me a book of this and it made me tear up and eurypides is my absolute face so)

> anne carson stuff, may re read autobiography of Red, finish Eros the bittersweet and would love to dice into her translations

> Virgil, Horace, Ovid. Maybe just Heroides and the metamorphoses, not sure

> Callimachus and Theochritus BUT this Is More of a should than of a would like to rn so, we'll see

BIBLICAL/CHRISTIAN STUFF. I have entire lists of content I want to dive into here and fits the holidays so this may be what I'm More excited about.

> Caim (Saramago) - library

> Kazantzakis' Last Temptation of Christ (would have to he a pdf so idk)

> Kazantzakis' Cristo de nuevo crucificado (library but in two volumes so :/)

> Evangelio según Jesucristo (Saramago) - a friend promised to lend me this one

> Christus Patiens

> i really wanna dive into apocalyptic and prophetical books in the bible, and i have my bibles at home so :))

> el testamento de maría (pdf)

Besides this, there aré the books I have been buying this year so

> El color prohibido (Mishima) - already reading and loving

> Orlando - was going to read on summer but didn't so I hope I will now

> The beauty of the husband (Carson) - my mom bought me this one for muy bday so yes

> Monique Wittig's Le penseé straight - want to go back to diving into gender studies

> México se escribe con J - I'm more than halfway through this one

there's more books I have on my shelf but this Is what I actually feel like reading rn, so, I'll work on my linguistics exam and come back to organize this a bit more

[lezzian]

mental health stuff under the cut (im cool just need to vent)

i am in such a weird place rn because like. i am basically stress-free school wise (and like, while thesis writing was stressful bc deadlines it was also fun because i got to work on something i loved with a lovely supervisor and im really proud of the work i did), my mental health is like..... rocky but so much better than usual. like i feel stable overall if that makes sense. right now anyway. we're at baseline/pretty high even. but also there's the possible bipolar which i'm into going diagnostics for and even just how slow that's going is really pissing me off. the fact that i might have something that could have me plummet mentally pretty much on a whim without being treated for is really making me anxious sometimes.

and then there's the poverty --- which i've always been in but rn with student finance basically cut in half it's on a whole nother level where i'm truly ashamed to face my parents and talk to them about it, im lowkey sleeping in so i can skip meals & not pay for them. and i live to a demolition site right now so it's really hard to like. feel normal in my own house when there's just loud ass noises going on every day of the week.

but like what's weird about all this is i'm not feeling depressed as such i don't have that like... heavy cloud hanging over me like i do when i'm depressed, where everything is slow and i can't cry or feel anything and that kind of stuff. that is all gone. i'm doing stuff like i set up a book club for our organising group this summer and i'm going to ask mum for inline skates for my b-day (so soon!!) which hopefully i'll get and then i can get really into that as a distraction lol, become a bit more fit hopefully. but still there is so much stuff weighing on me that is just making me feel really anxious or down. like i am finally really feeling what it means when ppl say that poverty gives you depression because i think before i just had regular ass depression and now i'm actually being held down by my shitty circumstances that i can't change.

anyways i have to go send some more e-mails so that maybe i can get my money for the committee earlier and consider if i'm going to spend money on laundry rn or dinner for the rest of the week. kiss kiss x

[jabberwockprince]

thinking thinking thinking thinking very hard

if i do one tapv chapter per day then the main story would be done in 6 more days so thats ok. then the two sidestories. then the zines. then any other extras i have left. ok thats settled

then its the r1999 transcript. 1.1 and 1.4 are fully completed, someone just has to give em a look to check for spelling errors and shit. 1.2, 1.3 and 1.5 are pretty barebones as of now. i could focus on 1.5 since its on-going and makes things much easier. then leave 1.2 for later once. i could do... 3 or 2 main stages per day, since my wrist is still healing

im kinda burnt out from writing so the writing blog is gonna be shoved aside for now. the afflatus thesis requires more research so that is also on hold until i get all info from 1.5. i also just wanna draw, and i have one big commission to work on and so many smaller projects

the FMN piece just needs rendering, the new sprites for spina venatores need the manus uniforms and then color. then the 1.5 skins. then tattoo work and practice, i could try doing the afflatus logos. theres also aianteia but im not looking at him rn hes the least of the priorities. then reworking momus and oizys since hades 2's test dropped and everyone got hotter

and all these reworks and sprites can work for artfight refs. i should make the genshin and nsr OCs invisible bc i couldnt care less abt them rn. right and that also means i have to organize information for everyone's sheets. ophis (touchstarved) can be lumped with ophis (dnd) bc theyre essentially the same guy. and i have to organize my profile too

i also have to work on some merch bc i want r1999 stickers for my redbubble. and i have to actually get that pngtuber program and rework the whole design. then theres the revolutionary utena anime somewhere in there in my brain, which can wait until we finish the anime. ok ok ok ok

[flowery-mess]

GIRL IM SO SORRY I FORGOT TO AMSWERR

ok but like the exam was... ok? I mean i need 16 right answer to pass so it either that or I failed with 15 right answers lmaoo.

But yeah, I study psychology, which is ironic if you think about the fact that I am in therapy due to anxiety and panic attacks

At one point, my anxiety was so high bc of the exams (the one I ranted about was the laast exam for the semester, I had 6 in total) that my sister was like " girls trip 👀?" - so yeah, now we're in Amsterdam.

But damn girl, the imagine was amaazing. Literally can't.

What about hotel room pt. 2? 👀

Oh let me know the result when you know it! I'm sure you got this!

That's SO cool, I wanted to study psychology too, but lot of people apply to that program in the city I wanted to go and I'm not like super study type, so I knew I wouldn't get in so I didn't even try lol, but I was always interested in working with kids. I tried getting into social work program twice and also didn't get in, but I'm kinda hapoy about that, cause I am so emotional I don't think I could do the real job. What year are you in?

And about your own mental health problems, I think at the other hand it's an advantage? Like you can feel more empathy for others and offer them what works for you. Even if it's getaway trip to Amsterdam, that is also really cool! I hope you have a great time, let me know how you like it😘

Thank you❤️ and Hotel room #2 is in the works, I started writing, but my bachelor thesis is due in like a month and I am not finished with it and I feel guilty writing anything else rn😂 but I promise it will be the first thing I look into after I'm done with the thesis