#bc i didn't know then that socializing is difficult for a lot of people and i thought it was a me problem

[magdaclaire]

okay so there's this trope of some autistic kids that's like "they read the encyclopedia for fun," and like i'm not saying that no one does that, but i did not read the encyclopedia for fun. i read an entire series of encyclopedias because i wanted to have a base knowledge on everything. it always felt like everyone else knew something i didn't, and if i could just learn more, everything would make sense

[xjulixred45x]

If you don't mind me can I request male reader who like Akaza from Demon slayer with the Hazbin Hotel.

Bonus: respect woman.

Hello! Normally i would Say no bc My Requests are Closed but you're lucky that i'm in a good mood to write and also i am a fan of this Man✨ 😭

Thanks for the Request ❤️

(to the other Readers, don't take this as something usual, the Requests are still Closed, i'm just in the mood to write THIS for now)

Akaza! Reader in Hazbin Hotel

Genre: headcanons

Reader: male

Warnings: Reader is a fighter, violence(?), hell, slight change in Akaza story so its not a Copy-paste and make "more sense",idk, I MAKE THIS IN A RUSH OF ✨INSPIRATION✨SO ITS NOT PROFFHEAD!!

You were born and raised in the Edo era, in Japan. and it was a nightmare.

You lived in poverty all your life, practically alone with your sick father who could barely take care of himself, but he always tried to take care of you above all else.

You spent a lot of your life trying to take care of him back, but it was difficult because of money, you couldn't afford it. so you did the only thing you could think of: steal medicine.

Obviously many times this didn't turn out well, and they ended up catching you and taking you to be beaten and tattooed like a criminal, but it was the kind of life you led until your father died.

That was when you hit rock bottom, but you met certain people who helped you move forward. a martial arts master and his sick daughter (who reminded you a lot of your father).

And it was the time when you lived better, you took care of your teacher's daughter and you learned from him, you had a good life.

you and his daughter even fell in love!

everything had fallen into place in your life...

until conflicts broke out again.

You don't remember much about your last days of life, it was a cycle of going, killing whoever got in your way, returning with whatever you wanted from your group, and whatever followed...

You just wanted to go home.

but you died before that.

and just as you expected, after everything you had done wrong in your life, you ended up in hell.

It wasn't exactly like the hell you had imagined growing up, but it was definitely difficult to adjust, knowing that you were dead, in this hole of misery, far from them...

but you didn't waste your time. You discovered quite quickly that several of your physical abilities had stayed with you, so you took advantage of them and became a quite formidable demon.

You wouldn't say you were an Overlord, but you were definitely an anomaly to Hell's QUO status, a demon who had become powerful without the need for owning souls.

something very strange.

so many Overlords, feeling threatened, tried to go after you, only to never be seen again...

As for the Hotel issue, I think that Akaza! reader would be skeptical, I don't think he would have a problem offering himself as a test subject for the hotel because 1- there is Alastor, someone very strong, and 2- he has a small hope that the hotel will work and maybe, just maybe he can redeem himself and go. to heaven with his love and his teacher, what he loves most. although he wouldn't say the last thing out loud.

Speaking of relationships, Alastor and him can actually get along in a very ambiguous way, Alastor is not happy with someone who is so strong without even having souls of their own, so he is cautious, but not in a threatening way.

Although there is something these two have in common, THEY RESPECT WOMEN.

Alastor can definitely introduce him to Akaza! read several of his female friends to be more "social" and get possible blackmail material.

Alastor secretly knows of the possible motives behind why Akaza! Reader would like the hotel to work, he thinks he is naive, but he doesn't make fun, Alastor partly understands why he feels that way. leaves him alone in that sense.

...but it bothers him in every other way! using it as an armrest, innocuous phrases, crushing it with things out of nowhere, etc. He always has something up his sleeve to piss him off.

but they can ally if women get involved ;)

Charlie is so so so so so happy to have Akaza! reader as another participant alongside Angel and Sir Pentious! She constantly thanks him for his collaboration and tells him how much it means to her.

Lots of encouragement during the trust exercises! she realizes that Akaza! Reader is not very talkative, and although she does not force him to change, she "subtly" encourages him to be more open with the exercises.

Although that does not mean that she admits the fights, she tries to encourage Akaza! reader to find another way to get out his anger and energy in less destructive ways.

I think she would be the only one who knows through Akaza! reader why he wants the hotel to work, and she is SO MOVED by him because Reader wants to redeem himself and that gives him a lot of motivation to do more exercises.

Even if is sometimes a double-edged sword because she feels pressured not only by wanting to help her friends, but also by Akaza's cute motive! reader.

Akaza! reader is very protective of Charlie even if she is the princess of hell, he is like a bodyguard! or a very loyal pitbull. Charlie finds it endearing (but please don't rip that demon's head off please---)

Vaggie is scared of Akaza at first! reader for his aggressive nature.

She is afraid that he will end up directing that destructive energy towards them if he is very angry, so she is very cautious at first.

but eventually she can relax more and more with him as she realizes that (at least with women) he's not going to explode on anyone who doesn't deserve it. and that in fact he is a good man.

sparring together! Vaggie feels kind of bad that he doesn't have a gun, but is surprised at how tough he is.

If she finds out his reason behind going to the hotel, she supports him a lot in his journey of redemption, more than before, she empathizes with him.

They both have similar motives.

Vaggie really appreciates when Akaza! reader defends the female staff against Angel's out-of-place comments. she may even allow him to hit him.

You two are the main people in charge of protecting the hotel.

Let's be honest, Angel dust at first was just "flirting"/sexually harassing Akaza! reader until he beat him up and never did it again.

He thought he was simply bitter about life until he remembered that on one occasion he told him that "he was taken" and he didn't take it so personally.

After the duet with Husk, he went directly to apologize to him and they were on bad terms.

Angel occasionally likes to prank him like everyone else in the hotel, but he's considerably less annoying with Akaza! reader because he knows what he is capable of.

When he eventually finds out why he is "taken" and why someone like him is in the hotel, he can't help but empathize with him a lot (from his sister in heaven), and tries to be his "Husk" at his lowest moment. .

Even if technically Akaza!reader is stronger than him in every way, he takes care of him in his own way, watching his drink, not being robbed, etc.

Angel is definitely not used to so much respect when it comes to his gender identity, which is why he respects Akaza a lot! reader.

They generally start off on the wrong foot but manage to be friends.

Husk likes Akaza! reader, simply because it gets on Alastor's nerves and because he knows that he won't kick the ass of someone who doesn't deserve it. He knows everyone is safe with him.

He definitely knows about his reason for being in the hotel and pities him, respects his privacy a lot after that and doesn't let him talk drunk.

Husk may get to have his "loser baby" moment with Akaza! reader but in a platonic way, helping him when it is especially difficult to stay away from violence.

They can even have a father-son relationship, Husk is very similar to Akaza's teacher! reader in many ways EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING so Akaza! reader feels comfortable with him.

she definitely tells him things about her past as Overlord to entertain him.

Sir Pentious at first was TERRIFIED of Akaza!reader, his reputation was as a tough guy who went after evil people and Pentious (having his poor self-image) thought he would kill him as soon as he saw him.

but fortunately it was not like that!

but he was definitely avoiding it for DAYS before he heard from the others that Akaza!reader wasn't that bad and was actually quite nice. to give him a chance.

and Pentious did just that. and he was VERY surprised.

Akaza! reader has had to dismantle several of Sir Pentious's evil machines using his enormous strength, and although Pentious was heartbroken to see his machines destroyed, he was also VERY surprised by Akaza!reader's capabilities, even giving me more things to do. break and test their strength (imagine this pair getting to know the Rage Rooms).

Pentious Minnions occasionally go to Akaza! reader when P. is not there, which is fun to see because Akaza!reader would try to get away from the Minions that come after him like ducks.

Akaza! reader clearly notices Pentious's crush on Cherri, and encourages him to do something now that he has time.

(Can you imagine Akaza! reader's Koyuki becoming friends with Pentious in heaven? It would be Epico).

Mononeuronal pair.

Niffty is strange.

but I can definitely see Akaza! reader protecting it constantly. so Niffty likes him. But I wouldn't really say they are friends.

In general, everyone has some kind of respect for Akaza! reader. They hope you can reach your goal.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Again, this DOES NOT MEAN that orders are open again! I'm just taking a break and deciding what things to write and what not to. thanks for the request ✨❤️

[two-white-butterflies]

this feeling flows both ways | m33

Description: Twitter's reaction to the relationship. Y/N and Tony Stark feud. Max has newfound fame.

part two of do i wanna know?

Pairing: max verstappen/nepo-baby!reader

starkfamilysupremacy: 'this fact is disputed' i'm sobbing 😭 - ironmanisbatman: he had to call elon up

steverogerssupremacy: i love their relationship

maxverstappen1: A little rest before the Austrian GP. #OrangeArmy

890 comments 912,128 likes

y/n_stark: the y/n effect is real - maxverstappen1: 😇💪🏽

tony: Stark Industry's New Venture '16

129 comments 294,290 likes

eattherichfoundation: sick and tired of seeing billionaires 🤮

bombasticsideeye12: The entire campaign sucks lol

oneinsertgal55: see if he actually helped the poor instead of staying a billionaire i'd actually support him but like

y/n_stark: beautiful! 🥰

comments have been restricted.

MAX VERSTAPPEN REVEALS INTERESTING DINNER WITH TONY STARK. by racecar1 interviews.

Max Verstappen: I mean honestly at first, I was a little nervous. I don't talk to superheroes everyday. It was a little adorable at first, according to my sweet girlfriend. I couldn't stop asking [Mr. Stark] about the Battle in New York and of course, his superhero co-workers. But then it sorta moved to more difficult parts, I felt like a superhero fighting a villain in that moment - but of course Tony is not a villain. He's a nice guy. Oh gosh, I've said too much.

Interviewer: Was there ever some threatening? Because a lot of people in social media joke about the billionaire being protective of his only child.

Max Verstappen: No, not at all. [laughs] that's all I'm allowed to say.

y/nfans

from "i'll bring her home at 6 sir!" to "she calls me daddy too"

82 comments 9,294 likes

y/n_stark: THIS IS LEGIT

vivlorien6: Max Chadstappen 🥶

archiemenon: Pretty sure that he EATS the rich 🥶

y/n_stark: NO BCS WHAT IS THIS 😭 Pls don't turn my bf into one of those sigma alpha males 🙏🏻 (will delete later, ruins my feed.)

823 comments 45,692 likes

LandoNorris: Don't show me your attitude, if I show mine...you might forget yours 😏 - y/n_stark: this one is actually better -- y/n_stark: MY ACCOUNT WILL BE A MAX VERSTAPPEN MEME PAGE FOR THE NEXT 24 HRS.

y/n_stark: pov ur my dad after making his first suit

89 comments 258,129 likes

maxverstappen1: my heart

tony: pov ur my dad after making me* - y/n_stark: bro had to put oil in his body for his parts to work

user99: SHE'S CORNY UR HONOR

y/n_stark: yes to today, yes to yesterday, and yes to tomorrow. tagged: maxverstappen1

928 comments 456,293 likes

Charles_Leclerc: Congratulations!

maxverstappen1: Mrs. Verstappen soon 🧡💙 - y/n_stark: yes to that too 💗

tony: congratulations are in order! 🥂

maxverstappen1: I'd like to hang out with you, all my life. 💗

0 comments 1,283,120 likes

comments are restricted.

Y/N STARK REVEALS STUNNING ENGAGEMENT RING: TONY STARK'S REACTION.

Y/N Stark: Max is a very traditional man. He pays for everything. He's a willing provider. When it came to our engagement, he asked my dad if he was allowed to propose. I wasn't in the room when he asked.

Tony Stark: He was cute with his European accent. He didn't have to work to have my approval. He asked and I gave it.

Y/N Stark: You didn't ask him if his intentions were pure?

Tony Stark: I believe that I should be asking you, but - we had a serious talk about marriage and Max is a good guy. He'll keep her safe and feed her through the long winter.

Y/N Stark: Gosh, another game of thrones quote.

Tony Stark: Comes with the name.

[olderthannetfic]

Do you think deepfakes count as fictional, reality or a whole other thing.

I ask this because it's genuinely the biggest news in the kpop space currently. Deepfakes of idols have always existed, I've known about them since 2016 when i first became a fan and tbh, I didn't think much about them. Also, I'm sure people have been editing celebrities and people they know into porn for as long as they've had the ability to. It's just much more accessible and easy to do now.

However, the issue has blown up both internationally and in Korea after a middle school student committed suicide due to being deep faked.

The discussion is now if this counts as sexual harassment and abuse, or is it rpf? It's been a kpop staple for years and people are drawing parallels between it and fanfic. to me deep fakes are worse because they're meant to look exactly like the idols. It's difficult to distinguish reality while fanfiction is just that. Fanfic. No one is reading it and thinking it's really real and the idols actually do the freak nasty after work or smth.

What are your thoughts? I ask bc you and your followers generally are more nuanced and I'm interested in your thoughts on the matter.

--

I've been asked this exact question a number of times. The closest thing is, of course, the photomanips that were hugely popular in some parts of fandom in like 2005.

The difference between those (or the same thing done with better technology now) is that they're openly branded as fake. RPF is the same way. It's posted to fannish archives or on fanworks-oriented social media accounts. It often has watermarks on it indicating it's a fanwork, and that's assuming it isn't... like... a photomanip of somebody as a centaur or something. Fanfic, even fanfic by tinhats, is labeled as fic, not as tabloid news.

Deepfakes intended for harassment are presented as real. A shitty person could take certain types of fan art and repurpose them for this, sure, but that's not the fault of the fan artist. Disguising the fact that this is fan-made (or, well, hater-made) art is the whole point.

How realistic the art is isn't the main issue: it's whether they're pretending it's real.

Now, is drawing cartoony offensive art of your middle school classmate harassment? It could be. Even if it's obviously art and not a photo, it could certainly be used intentionally to bully. A lot of things can be part of a bullying campaign. It's obvious how fake photos could easily be more traumatic and cause more trouble more quickly, but there isn't really a huge difference between known-to-be-fake "photos" and cartoony rude art, nor is there a huge difference between fake photo "evidence" and lying gossip "evidence".

The intent and the social context are what matter here. The photorealism just makes it easier to achieve a specific bullying aim.

--

But, yes, given the current technological situation, if you are a person who uses AI to make celebrity porn or something, the ethical thing to do is to watermark the hell out of it and/or make it less photorealistic and/or make sure it's posted to some porn site with attribution where people can easily go to debunk it should it escape containment and be passed around as The Real Thing. You can't control what assholes do, but you can at least put some roadblocks in place so they can't misuse your stuff as easily.

[sl-ut]

reader fell first but college!abby fell harder ? ❤️‍🩹

more college!abby

no bc yes absolutely she fucking did.

as discussed in other parts, y/n and abby already ran in similar social circles, so they already sort of knew each other without really knowing each other. well, at least y/n knew abby.

when y/n joined the cheer team, abby was junior captain of the women's varsity lacrosse team and was extremely popular amongst the athletics department of their school. she saw her around a lot, and when they were both practicing at the same time, it was difficult not to take notice of abby as she charged through her teammates with supernatural speed.

she wasn't a big partier, but she always made an effort to go. she would show up, chat with her teammates, have one drink, and then leave before midnight every time. y/n would be at the same parties, eyeing her from across the room and doing her best not to drool over her as she tried to make friends, always wanting to go talk to her but never being drunk enough by midnight to actually do it.

hell, she would have had dozens of opportunities to just go up and talk to her, but abby anderson wasn't someone that you could just go up and talk to. she wasn't someone who seemed like they would be mean, nor did y/n expect her to be, but she was super intimidating and didn't seem to be the kind of person who was looking for anything at the moment.

abby's dating history was a mystery. she hadn't been in a serious relationship since her senior year of high school, and the few people who she had hooked up with since then have been few and far between; they were normally people that she knew from the gym or from class, but none have stuck around long enough to actually become anything. she was still trying to figure out her type, to be completely honest. her last partner had been owen, and since then, she had been back and forth about what kind of attraction she felt towards men. aside from that, she genuinely hadn't felt like she had met someone who offered exactly what she needed. she wasn't entirely sure what she needed either, to be fair.

so for about a year, y/n fluttered her eyelashes and twirled her hair from a distance as she fought to muster up the courage to talk to her. she was beginning to give up hope when she befriended her teammate, nora, who also happened to be good friends with abby. now at parties, y/n had an actual excuse to go over there, and got nora to introduce them officially.

abby thought y/n was very pretty, though she wasn't sure that she was entirely her type. she'd noticed her before, eyes always scanning the length of her legs beneath the short little skirts she was always wearing. like i mentioned, abby usually only went out with people who were more similar to her, and y/n was almost the exact opposite.

the next time she saw her was at the campus coffee shop, and abby was the kind of person who just couldn't walk by someone she knew without saying hi. she had to admit that she felt a bit self-conscious at how startled y/n looked when she started talking to her, but quickly melted at the sound of her voice. she was so much nicer than she had always thought she would be, and genuinely very funny as well.

y/n got a text that night from nora, informing her that abby had asked for her number. y/n quickly typed out a cool, calm, and collected response before throwing her phone across the room and screaming in excitement. by the time that she had picked up her phone again, she already had a text from an unknown number.

from this point on, y/n no longer needed to make an effort to talk to abby, because abby was already seeking her out in crowds. if her own practice ended before y/n's, she would sit and watch; at parties, she would offer to get her drinks or to drive her home afterwards; she would text her and ask to grab coffee after class or to join her at the library. abby was quickly becoming obsessed with y/n in the best way possible, and couldn't help but always want to be near her.

movie nights at her apartment would also become a regular thing. it was the only time where she could actually get her alone. abby quickly grew to hate y/n's dormmate, finding her all too nosy and all too in love with y/n for personal taste, so spending time there was a no-go. y/n would be snuggled into her side with her head on her shoulder, abby's bulging bicep draped across the back of the couch behind her while she struggled to keep her eyes on the screen. abby kissed her for the first time during one of these little dates, and that's when she knew that she was down bad.

[laguezze]

PAC: Summer Predictions

it's almost June and I feel like summer tends to be an exciting time for a lot of people! In case you are wondering what are some things summer will bring to you here's a Mamma Mia! Themed PAC for ya.

Minors DNI as one of the piles is a little PG. Please don't. Listen to me. Don't interact!

Here are the piles!

Pile I

Pile II

Pile III

Pile IV

Ready? Let's go!

Pile I

Song channeled: Waterloo

"I was defeated you won the war." "Finally facing my Waterloo."

There's an energy of waiting and release. I'll explain. You've been waiting for something to happen, you've been making moves in the past and nothing came out of it. So now I'm sensing you're just defeated and decided to let go of it. You have learned you can live without this thing happening. And it's when you let go that it happens. Or for some of you, something better comes out of it.

Letting go is a powerful thing, it can bring new things, it gives you peace of mind. And although it's painful sometimes, the sense of release is better than anything else.

So basically, this summer I see you becoming more chill with others and with yourself. You're done waiting and expecting things from people and opportunities, you're done. So you're letting go, learning how to breathe and that will be rewarded.

Things I'm seeing could happen: meeting a promising connection, learning a new skill, getting a job offer, learning how to love yourself.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile II

Song channeled: Dancing Queen

"you are the dancing queen, young and sweet"

"you're a teaser you turn em on"

I'm seeing you wanna have fun this summer. I mean, you chose this dancing pile, so it makes sense.

And I'm not here to blow your fun away. But i am.

So you want to go out and meet new people, get into that hot girl summer mindset. Maybe you've had a boring year or your experiences with summer have always been dull and not special.

I'm seeing someone scrolling on social media, looking at all the fun things people are doing on vacation, wishing that was them.

Well, I'm here to tell you that may not be you. And that's ok.

You're not at that point yet and that's fine. You can't expect to go out and meet people in a place where you know everyone. And if you can't afford to leave that place then it's going to be very difficult doing that.

It's alright to have a chill moment at home, you don't need to be out and about everyday in order for your summer to be exciting. You can meet people other ways, and you can get to know the people you already know better. Deepen some existing connections. Your deep desire of getting everything new is putting you back. You need to appreciate the things in your life before you get new ones. Including people.

Things I'm seeing could happen: finding a good friend, shadow work, journaling, exploring and finding new places in your city, picnic dates, taking care of animals.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile III

Song I channeled: I've been waiting for you.

"You're something I'd been pleading for"

"And finally it seems to me, my lonely days are through"

Great energy here, pile 3. A lot of you have done the work and been introspective and learned how to love yourselves. I'm so proud of that. Some of you spent hours wondering why your FS wasn't here yet and used that to solve some issues within you. Some of you wondered why you didn't seem good enough for this new position, and you did the work and got where you needed to be.

Whatever this thing you wanted was, you've done the work in order to get it. So you will get it. This summer it seems like the universe is giving you a break and granting you a wish. I'm so happy for you guys!

Things I see could happen: meeting a soulmate, getting a new job, getting a pet, buying a new house, leaving home, traveling somewhere you were dreaming of.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile IV

Song I channeled: Our last summer

"Walk around the Seine, laughing in the rain"

"Memories that remain"

You guys will probably travel somewhere small, like a town no one has ever heard of. This might be home for some of you and you'll be going back after a while. I'm seeing this summer will be quite transformative. I'm seeing it will be peaceful and quiet, but that's exactly what you need. Although not uneventful. I'm seeing some drama might happen with old friends. But nothing major. Maybe you'll get a crush on someone or see your old crush again and remember.

This summer is full of nostalgia and old memories. You'll rethink a lot of your goals and values and discover yourself a little more.

Things I'm seeing could happen: meeting a new crush, making a song, fighting with friends, rekindling a romance, losing the v (iykyk), lots of firsts... (Iykyk), flower picking, reading, writing a novel.

If you're a minor reading this why would you do this to me, i told you to leave at the beginning like get off the internet and live your life.

Hope it resonates! 💕

The End

[kimkhimhant]

personally i am very much a sucker for kim being kind of shy? like. we see Kim The Student, we see Wik The Idol, we see Khimhant The Enforcer - and yeah they're all sides of kim, but as per his own admission regarding wik, they're all masks in a sense? we get to see very very small glimpses of kim as he is (the iconic shot of kim looking so so small and so so alone in the studio while he looks out at chay for example) and it just makes sense to me that without all those masks and pretenses to form an armour around himself kim winds up kind of shy when things get down to it?

so chay being his outgoing confident self (because that's porsches kid y'all that kid has a spine of STEEL BC WHO JUST GOES UP TO THEIR IDOL AND SAYS 'YA GIMME GUITAR LESSONS MUSIC BOY') while kim trails along behind him? that's my jammmmm i love it i can't wait to figure out a plot which doesn't involve them being broken up so that i can use it in something hsjfsdhkdfskj

-@jeffsatyr

shy kim my beloved!!! i agree 100% – i think it's a combo of just genuine inherent shyness and trauma conditioning, but i really don't think there's anyone, really, who truly knows him, because he keeps his walls up and masks on. even around his brothers, although khun still sees through him a bit.

but this works extra well if we go with the headcanon that he's homeschooled until university (which would make sense, depending on the context of khun's kidnapping(s) and kim's potential work for the family. you know, like, if he spent his teens being a hitman/doing dirty work, there are a lot of potential issues that could come up, between visible injuries and missing classes for missions. so it would be reasonable to hc that he was homeschooled and didn't have much opportunity for socialization & learning how to be around people. he's good at the Wik mask because he's good at putting on airs – he probably grew up attending fancy events with the family, and there's not a huge difference between smiling and shaking hands with other powerful people, and smiling and putting on a performance for fans. but these things mean he doesn't know how to just be around people – it's all a performance. so when it comes down to actually just genuinely socializing? that's difficult and terrifying and kim is not good at it.

but yeah. i do love the idea of him and chay in social situations, where chay is his usual friendly, outgoing and talkative self, and Kim is quiet and a little uncertain at his side (maybe it looks a little like arrogance, to the outside eye – especially with his celebrity status) but the reality is that he just doesn't really know how to put himself out there and engage with people in this kind of context, and he doesn't want to do it wrong, so he just kind of awkwardly keeps to himself, except when Chay addresses him directly :')

[communistkenobi]

i know next to nothing about queer theory, but i did exist online during (what felt like) huge exclusionary periods (ace discourse, bi/pan discourse, and transmedicalism were the big ones i remember)

i wonder if the first drive for sexuality being something unchangeable and intrinsic to you had something to do with those things, that queerness was fixed and definable, which meant that there were strict lines to be drawn about who was and wasn't gay/lesbian/bi which was only made worse by trans and nonbinary people who didn't exactly fit the previous molds

ill be doubly honest and say i only interacted w/ the community online at the time bc living in a homophobic country doesnt give you a lot of opportunities to meet up in person which means my view of the whole thing is skewed. im not sure if this makes any sense

What I’m about to say isn’t a diagnosis of the causes behind those discourses (partly because i don’t think there is a single reason animating those arguments), but like I guess in general a very baseline authority people fall back on is biology. Dominant reactionary discourses describe being gay trans etc as a lifestyle choice, as an active decision to participate in sexual and gendered degeneracy, and so a very appealing counter-claim to make is to point to biology - we are born this way, we can’t help who we are just as cishet people cannot help who they are, so you should accept us because we can’t change our identity. That rhetorical strategy requires/assumes a stable sexual and gendered ontology, a primary authority of the body that can’t be altered. While I believe this argument is fundamentally flawed, I think this is a straightforwardly easy argument to make re: sexual orientation. With trans and non-binary people this is more difficult because the foundational claim to our existence is that gender is mutable, is alterable, is subject to change (and also “I’ve felt this way since I was a child” is a pathological model of gender dysphoria that is enforced through medical and psychiatric institutions, not a reflection of lived reality for many, many trans and non-binary people). That doesn’t necessarily mean being transgender is a “choice” (although if someone said they woke up one day and chose to be transgender then that is a perfectly authentic justification), especially because “choice” in these discussions is often framed as individualised, private, detached from the social world - we are all just free agents making rational autonomous decisions in a field of equally rational choices, etc. which I think is a very impoverished way to understand choice and agency. Gender is an institution, it is a set of behaviours and performances that we choose to engage in in many different ways, and my use of the word ‘choice’ there does not imply these choices are free from coercion, violence, or harm. I chose to transition, I chose to engage in performances and behaviours that signal to the social world that I am a man - where that desire to make those choices arises from is another matter, and honestly not one I’m super interested in figuring out. Like if I discovered the ‘origin’ of my transness it wouldn’t make any difference to me. Similarly, how I choose to signal masculinity is very obviously bound up in dominant gendered assumptions. Trans people get accused of upholding gendered norms a lot, but that’s only because we aren’t taken seriously unless we do so! It is a survival mechanism that allows us to better navigate incredible amounts of violence and social exclusion, and arguing that our desire to do gender with our bodies comes from some grade-school assumption that dress = woman and pants = man or whatever is pure projection on the part of cis people. cis men think if they drink pink wine they’ll become gay - trans people are not the ones enforcing these norms here.

Getting a bit far afield here, so to loop back around - I think a stable state of sexual and gendered subjectivity or “being” is very appealing to a lot of people because it’s a way to dismiss reactionary fears and to justify to yourself that your oppression is entirely out of your control (which is true obviously!). Again I think these arguments are flawed because they buy into cisgendered and heteronormative ideas about gender and sexuality, that it is a biological burden imposed on us, that deviance is not a choice, that gender is done to us as opposed to being gendered agents, that we are similarly trapped in a sexual prison and should be accepted on those grounds, etc, but they have massive rhetorical power.  

As I’ve said before I’m a pretty staunch believer in Butler’s assertion that it is social all the way down, that gender is not discoverable in the body but rather the body is the medium through which gender is done in the world. Cis people choose to do gender just as much as trans people do! The only difference is that institutional architecture is set up to facilitate and make invisible (in very misogynistic and racist ways) those gendered practices. I think the stronger counter argument to make is that cis- and het-normativities are deeply violent and miserable status quos that need to be dismantled and discarded, that true choice can only emerge vis a vis gender and sexuality once those institutions are abolished, and that choice is actually a desirable end-goal - I want people to be able to participate in gender and sexuality as free agents, as non-coercive practices that are sites of great joy and wonder and pleasure. And this world is only possible if we accept that there is no gendered or sexual ontology, that it is all smoke and mirrors, that this current system’s primary function is to reproduce the nuclear family, to maintain the hereditary nature of class and wealth and race, to provide a standardised system of labour division, to maintain a distinction between the public and private labour realms, and so on.

So again like, is this what animates discourses about who gets to be counted as lgbtq/queer/whichever label you want to use? I don’t know. Probably some of it has to do with that. Queerness is in party a pathological category that is used to describe a failure to meaningfully reproduce cishet norms and practices, it is a set of relationships you have to legal and political and medical and administrative institutions (which is especially true for trans/non binary people). I like this definition because built into it is the possibility of change - I do not want trans people to be assimilated into cishet society, I want society to become transgender, thereby making transgender an irrelevant medical and legal category of person. Much like communism aims to abolish class by universalising the proletariat, I want to abolish gender by universalising the legal and political and medical mechanisms of transition. Only then will cisgenderism be abolished.

One thing I have been thinking a lot about is something a friend said to me, which is that human rights to do not begin with a definition of human - in the same way, I think trans rights do not require a definition of transgenderism. Just universalise and de-pathologise the mechanisms through which transition is expressed. Make it easy to change your name, remove all barriers to hormones and surgery, make everyone economically secure enough that they can change their wardrobe however they please,  desegregate all gendered spaces, de-gender clothing, remove gender markers from all documents, and so on and so on. Doing so would make both cisgender and transgender an irrelevant legal and political category and, again, allow choice to emerge as a meaningful mechanism of gender expression. 

This isn’t a comprehensive policy platform, there are many things I’m sure I haven’t thought through and a large portion of this discussion has to contend with the colonial and white supremacist nature of the western binary gender (bringing us into discussions of decolonial efforts, socialist efforts, and so on), but this is already getting long and I feel like I’m rambling. But like fundamentally I believe in a radical political imaginary that argues that all of this is subject to change and therefore any arguments about an essential gendered or sexual being is, at the end of the day, a reactionary description of gender and sexuality 

[isa-ghost]

I see you have hcs, do you have any for mr fitmc?

Yes!!

Here's some ones of his relationship with Phil past and present too bc I don't think I have Fit standalone ones until now.

Obviously these will apply to AMFMN Fit too!

Fit is extremely observant and perceptive. Years of roaming a wasteland, spending every minute of every day documenting, chronicling, exploring and witnessing so much really sharpens those kinds of skills. Not much gets past Fit unless he simply wasn't there or doesn't know. All it takes is an inkling and he'll start connecting dots and making theories.

It's why he Hates the Federation. Not only is he an anarchist, he hates the way they make it so easy to keep him in the dark. It's why he weaseled into it in the first position he could get. Being a janitor sucks, but it's something. Anything to get a foundation for making next moves.

He struggles with trust though. He trusts people, but very few if any does he trust whole-heartedly. Pac & Phil are likely the only ones he trusts that much. And even then, he doesn't confide in anyone nearly as deeply as he does Ramon. Spending so much of his life in 2B2T has taught him to reserve trust for people who prove without a doubt that they're ride or die with you. He wishes he didn't find it so difficult to trust more people though.

Okay complete 180 in vibes here but I'm very passionate about this one: Fit has a giant warhammer that's his weapon of choice. Chainsaw, scythe, potato cannon, whatever other stuff he's got is good. But big fucking hammer. With those muscles? Oughoughouhgh.

By the way he never in his life had experienced people simping for his muscles or flirting with him prior to being on QI. It was whiplash and it's changed him for the worst /pos

On the surface it seems like Fit is pretty cold or at least disinterested in stuff that leans on the vulnerable side. It's not entirely wrong, he's spent so long in a place where vulnerability gets your base blown to smithereens or gets you robbed blind or both. But he Does enjoy such things. I mean, just look at the Fitpac date! And hugs? Hugs rock! He'd be so much worse off if he didn't let loose or let himself lower his guard every now and then. It takes a lot of energy to keep those walls up, it'd be unhealthy to never let them down. Especially in a place like Quesadilla Island, where it seems like it's a bit safer to do so. Honestly, he's the opposite of disinterested in letting walls down. He wants that more than anything, and it took being put on QI, becoming a dad, and falling in love for him to realize it.

Which makes keeping up this facade really hard. Not just the whole "snooping for data" thing, just Everything Fit has built himself to be over the years altogether. He doesn't want to keep holding people at arm's length and looking over his shoulder all the time anymore. It's exhausting.

That's not to say he wouldn't relapse right back to how he was before QI softened him up, though. Again, those trust issues. Purgatory really fucked with his head for a while. And plenty of things that happened after, like the whole Phil Ender King thing, really didn't help either. What he's going through is a form of healing, and healing isn't linear.

He isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Be it with dirt, blood, or otherwise. His motto is you gotta do what you gotta do. He's a very means to an end kinda guy. And despite wishing he could shed being so hardened by the 2B2T Wastelands, he does value that it's given him this kind of strength. It takes a lot to be willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want.

The reason Fit loves fofoca is not only because he enjoys indulging his inner drama whore. He's spent most of his life roaming a place where secrets were as good if not better of a trade than actual currency. When he first arrived on QI, he wasn't entirely sure how to just. Casually socialize. There's little to no risk in it. It was incredibly foreign to him. But it turns out that gossip is like trading secrets in a different font. He's good at that. So collecting and spreading fofoca is how he taught himself to appear kind of "normal" to the other islanders.

Most if not all of the above is also evidence to support the fact that Fit in general is a very adaptive person. You can put him in any environment, as soon as he gets the gist of the status quo and what kind of stakes he's dealing with here, he'll manage no problem. Chances are he's experienced worse. Purgatory and the prison are 2 good examples.

Calling back to the wanting to be vulnerable + confiding in Ramon the most things, GOD is he grateful he got such a brilliant son. Ramon learned a lot from him, but even so, he already had many of the same traits Fit does. It did wonders for bonding, and it's part of what made trusting Ramon come so easy. He's glad he got a son that's so understanding of the way he operates.

The only thing stopping him from taking a page from Cellbit and just starting to kill Feds for information or other reasons is because he knows he'll get more out of playing the long con and letting himself be strung along. Infiltration goes further than outright brutality in his eyes. Brutality is saved for something you no longer need anything from.

Btw his stealth skills are fucking insane. In 2B2T your detection is life or death, and it'll only end in your favor if you can talk sweet enough or have something worth bargaining with. He often did one or the other, but even so, a historian like him typically lacked anything of much value to most bandits and the like. He was simply charismatic and lucky. Which means staying hidden, laying low, and moving with more calculation than a math class is more beneficial to him. And boy has it come in handy on the island too.

In his time on QI, once The Horrors all started, he's learned he really likes having intense intellectual talks with other islanders. Strategizing, theorizing. It feels like the survival he's so used to but with less imminent threats on his life. Bagi especially is an absolute delight to get into these kinds of talks with. It feels like casual socializing and the kind of talking he's used to at the same time. Very much his jam.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hey... i mean this in a completely respectful way and i'm sorry if it comes off as otherwise, but i'm genuinely curious about all the anti narc abuse content on your blog... while i fully believe that it's possible for pwNPD to not abuse people, i also fully believe that ppl can be extremely traumatized by pwNPD (two of my friends have mothers with NPD and have extreme trauma stemming from said mothers NPD traits) so i'm genuinely just curious what exactly you mean by "narc abuse"??? i'm really sorry if i offend anyone but i'm just- genuinely curious and hoping to learn more about the disorder because i've had a lot of pwNPD in my life and wanna know more about how they work, how to treat them, etc

Hi! No worries, I accept all questions that are in good faith, and if i can be honest I really admire your desire to learn more, AND I admire the fact that you're so candid about your current feelings about pwNPD. I'd much rather have a person who is willing to learn more after having had bad experiences with pwNPD, than a person who doesn't know anything about NPD and just inherently assumes the worst of us.

But to answer your question: I don't think there's a single neurodivergent person out there - narcissist or otherwise - who denies the fact that their disorder/disability can make them act in ways that they wouldn't act if they were neurotypical. However, no one is abusive/rude/toxic/whatever SOLELY because of their mental illness or PD or disability. For instance, I've had some friends who were really rude to me due to the fact that their Autism makes social cues difficult, but they didn't "autistically abuse" me or anything, and I don't "autistically abuse" people when I myself fumble with social cues due to my own Autism.

(Obviously 'not understanding social cues' isn't comparable to abuse anyway, but you get what I'm trying to say, right?)

While some pwNPD might indeed be "bad people" - for lack of a better term - due to their NPD, that isn't the case for the vast majority of pwNPD, so terms like "narcissist abuse" or equating narcissism with abuse hurts all pwNPD and further stigmatizes the disorder. Even the people whose toxic or abusive behavior can be contributed to their NPD, it's still harmful to call it narcissist abuse, bc it implies that it's ONLY the fact that they have a personality disorder that makes them abuse people, and thus it's only possible for them to stop abusing people if they recover (please note PDs are really hard if not impossible to make a full recovery from).

Also, there's not really any specific flavor of abuse that's exclusive to pwNPD. Like, what does narc abuse mean? That you're a selfish, entitled asshole who constantly puts other people down to feel better about yourself? Well, there's plenty of people without NPD that are like that! Does it mean that you're blind to your loved one's feelings and always prioritize yourself over them and don't care when your loved one is hurting? That's not exclusive to NPD either! Most "narc abuse" behaviors can really be attributed to ANY abuser, regardless of neurotype. I'd even argue that there's more people withOUT npd that do those behaviors than there are people with.

I hope that helped, let me know if you have any more questions!

[spurgie-cousin]

I’m about to go through the process of changing my last name too and the thought of having to get new documents for everything would have me also saying “I don’t think so” if someone ever told me I had to go back to my maiden name.

My mom had my father’s last name for 2 years after they divorced because she had extra licenses and degrees and stuff under that name, and when she started dating again she decided not to go back to her maiden name because she figured she would marry again and have to change all of the documents anyway. Like…going through the process once, going through it again to go back to maiden name, going through it a third time if you remarry? Nah at that point I’m making up a new last name and the new husband is going to have to take that one and we BOTH do the paperwork.

Good luck with your name changing process, I did a lot of mine during the pandemic lol so I truly, genuinely hope it's easier these days. I wouldn't wish calling social security in 2021 on my worst enemy.

Yea it's a pain in the ass, and honestly if you're an emo cry baby like me there are unexpected hard things that pop up. Like replacing the SS card I'd had since birth made me weirdly emotional lol (I kept it). My maiden name is actually incorporated into my full name but I often can't include the entire name when I sign stuff bc my name is looong now, so signing something for the first time w/ a shorter, different version of my name made me feel some type of way too. Just little things like that that I didn't expect.

And none of that is because I regretted my decision or anything, it was just me adjusting to a significant change. and now my "new" name is a part of my identity in a significant way, beyond just that I share it with someone, so it would be a similar, difficult adjustment period to ever change it again in the future. I feel like that's just where Olivia's at and I don't understand why that's so weird to people.

Like your mom, my mom had my dad's name for years after their divorce, and she told me it was because "that's the only name I've ever had as you and your brother's mom, that's a huge part of who I am". That feels similar to what olivia said in the sense that Plath is the only name she's had since being out of her parents house and on a path to independence, ya know?

[my-castles-crumbling]

I made a huge mistake almost a whole year ago and I still think about it all of the time.

I was working with this new staff member… and I did the worst thing anyone could do and assumed their pronouns… I was using the wrong pronouns for weeks until my sister told me that they go by they/them. When she told me that my entire heart shattered. I felt like the biggest asshole ever. How could I, a member of the lgbtqia+ community fuck up that badly. I felt horrible and of course I still do.! (No one knows I’m queer so I also feel like now they think I’m transphobic and/or homophobic)

I wanted to apologise but then I felt like I’d be making up excuses for myself and I’m also like really socially awkward so I didn’t end up saying anything.

The thing is, I still feel so horrible about it and I guess that’s a good thing bc at least I know that I care about being respectful but it just really sucks that I was misgendering someone for so long and didn’t realise the harm I could have been causing them.

I’m so sorry to be ranting to you at 2am but I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever get over this and I just needed to speak about it to someone.

Ps- I am the agender questioning anon and so thank you so much for helping me with that… I think I’m starting to understand myself so much more now!

So much love to you Cas, I hope you have the most amazing day! 🫶🏼

Hi love!

woah woah woah. Take a breath <3

Here's the thing. Yeah, it sucks to be misgendered. and yeah, in a perfect world, we should ask people for their pronouns every time we meet them.

But here's the thing: that's not reality. Why?

It's not always safe to ask for/share pronouns. There are many situations where I, myself, don't feel comfortable asking someone's pronouns or sharing my own. So I assume. And unfortunately, that means I get misgendered and so do other people. But my safety and the safety of others is first and foremost.

Also, it's a habit to get into, to ask people for their pronouns, even when they might present in a way that makes you assume. Habits are difficult to form, and sometimes a mistake like this helps you become more eager to form them.

And here's the thing: you did the EXACT RIGHT THING by not making a big deal of it when you found out and (I'm assuming) just using the right pronouns from then on. You didn't put that person in a weird situation and now they're being gendered correctly.

Let me give you an example that will hopefully make you feel better:

I have been wearing a pin on my lanyard at work for five months now with my pronouns. I work with about a hundred adults. Guess how many people use my pronouns? ONE.

Until the other day.

All of a sudden, my coworker started referring to me with my pronouns. And I was SO EXCITED! She didn't have to give an apology. She just needed to start respecting my identity.

All this to say: yes, it sucks to be misgendered, and in a perfect world we should never assume. But you're still LEARNING and if you've corrected yourself and do your best to do better from now on then, as long as this coworker is a decent person, they aren't mad. I promise!

Sending you lots of love and also maybe some forgiveness for yourself. <333

[inchidentally]

I know wives and gf talk isn't for everyone so asks under a cut - and I hate the term 'wag' so I'll start tagging these 'f1partnertalk' for those who want to bl!

right??? and the fact that in his Australia tourism type video with her he refers to her as his 'partner' which to me is both him being socially minded but also respect bc by that time they'd been together 3 and a bit years!

and exactly !! on the one hand he's not using her as a status thing of 'look I have a gf' but he's also made the very smart decision (and I think this was the Webbers influence) of not having her be a secret or a mystery. her acc going private is pretty normal for F1 gfs who aren't using their profile for business but the fact that he casually reminds people about her and that she'll like certain content posted about her or them is enough to stop anyone thinking she's 'fake' or whatever. there were some feeble attempts to claim they were broken up just bc she didn't go to many races but when folks pointed out she was in final year of uni for a very difficult degree it died down.

gotta say though - and this isn't in reply to you it's an aside about comments I see - I find the straight people thing of jumping to theories about marriage for long term relationships SO weird. it's like there's this ticking time bomb for het relationships lol. it's esp weird since they're so young and his career requires him to be so selfish (his and Lando's words) that I'm like how do ppl see that and leap to them marrying buying a house and planning kids when they not only don't live together yet they also spend most of the year apart??? sure they're super mature and stable for their age but who I am now and who I was during hs and college has been so incredibly different! I couldn't imagine making that huge a commitment esp if I had an all consuming career like Oscar does. I just hope those comments (however well meaning) don't reach them bc that feels crazy over-stepping and would be so awkward to read.

these asks I felt like went together really well lol

(this is the post anon refers to) oh anon. idk if you've seen them but have a look through here to enjoy Oscar's 8-year little crush on Lando and I think it's safe to say that Lily will at least have had an inkling about it.

and the thing is that being physical just isn't Oscar's way even with Lily which if Lando was at all hmmmm about then he'll have seen that pretty early on. as anon listed above, Oscar shows his affection for people by including them when he talks about his life (which Lando also gets!) also acts of service and signs of respect (which Lando also gets!)

this is me projecting here but idk the way Oscar talks about the boarding school guys he's still friends with and his friends back in Oz but doesn't post about them or have them to many races just makes me think that Oscar decided very early on to just avoid the distraction of sharing himself on social media apart from memes? he's never wanted to establish any kind of online persona and he got really solid a levels as a backup in engineering if F1 didn't work out so he's never planned to be a public person anyway.

where I'm going w that is that Lando will absolutely by now have learned all of this about Oscar. Oscar will like and respond to content about Lando but most of what Lando gets from him will be the acts of service and signs of respect. which is exactly what Oscar does with Lily, his family, Mark, etc. Oscar's own content will be about generically positive stuff re McLaren and the occasional funny post (like P1,P2,P6?). but the people he considers his most inner circle will stay largely off the map. which lbr is what Lando himself does with a lot of his closest friends! especially since his fame began to grow he's stopped posting a lot of those people and we only hear them bc he mentions seeing them. Lando is Oscar's little long harbored 'crush' and Lily is his long term gf. I feel like if that's obvious to us then it def will be for Lando :)

so we can count ourselves incredibly lucky that Lando being Oscar's teammate means we get as much of a window in on them as we do <3

[cosmicjoke]

hi! hope you're well :) im not sure if my ask went through or not bc my wifi was being glitchy and it didn't seem like it sent so pls disregard this if the ask happened to go through lol during the acwnr arc, we see isabel and furlan interacting with the scouts and it seems like they're genuinely engaging in conversations with them. both of them open up about their pasts and connections to levi, although im not sure whether it's a manipulation tactic to gain trust or if they truly felt comfortable opening up to these people they've gotten to know over the course of several months, according to the manga. my question is: aside erwin and that one interaction with hange, do you think levi interacted with other members of the scouts as well? obviously, levi isn't very approachable and is a pretty blunt guy. but if someone were to be friendly with him and treat him like everyone else, would he engage in a conversation, even if it's a small one, or just remove himself from it all-together?

im really curious to hear your thoughts on this as i always love hearing your analysis on levi <3

Hi there, and thanks for the ask! I don't think your first attempt went through, so no worries about sending it again!

First, about Isabel and Furlan, I can't see Isabel being manipulative, really. Her personality just doesn't seem naturally geared that way at all. She's a lot like Levi in that way, in that she's really honest with her emotions and thoughts, only obviously, a lot more outgoing and friendly than Levi. So I think her interactions with the other scouts was probably genuine. Furlan on the other might have been trying to cozy up to them to give them better cover and make their presence there seem less suspicious. Though given the way Furlan relates the story about Levi, I think he was being pretty genuine too. You can tell how much it meant to him, that Levi saved his life.

With Levi, I kind of doubt he interacted much with anyone, for one thing, as you said, because Levi sort of exudes an unapproachable vibe. Not intentionally, he's just a very introverted and quiet person and also, yes, very blunt, which no doubt rubbed plenty of people the wrong way. If Levi doesn't like you for any reason, he's probably going to tell you so. Most people would pretend just to make their own social interactions easier, but Levi doesn't do that. Like his interactions with Flagon, we see him basically unable to pretend to like the guy, even as it's making his, Furlan's and Isabel's situation more difficult. Or his unmoved attitude when Shadis gets in his face and tries to intimidate him. Levi's not too good at ingratiating himself to people or placating them. So I think that probably had a pretty adverse affect on his ability to get along with people at first, and find any, real social interaction. There's also the fact that Levi was reluctant to get close to any of the scouts, because he knew if he did, he would start to feel responsible for them and want to protect them. When Hange asks him if he would be willing to teach some of them his fighting techniques, Levi turns her down, and when Furlan asks him why, he says he doesn't want to be responsible for anyone else. That's Levi's fear talking. He doesn't want to get close to them or try to teach them anything to protect themselves, only for them to then get killed, because he knows it will weigh heavily on him. He knows he cares too much about people to keep a really detached or unaffected attitude about them and their well being. The difficulty for Levi is, even in trying to keep his distance so he doesn't end up caring about these people, he still does. Like the soldier who he saved at the beginning from impaling himself on a dummy titan, or the soldiers he had to watch die when the first abnormal titan appeared. Levi felt guilty that he learned from watching that happen how to approach killing the titan himself. He'd already developed a protective instinct toward all of them, despite not being close. I think that's why Furlan gets so worried when Isabel starts talking about understanding why the scouts do what they do. He knows Levi, and he knows Levi has a bleeding heart, and that he's already starting to feel an attachment to the soldiers around them. We see this demonstrated again later when we see part of the reasoning Levi leaves Furlan and Isabel behind is because he wants them to help protect Flagon and the rest of his squad.

So I think, if someone were to try and approach Levi and be friendly with him, for one, he'd be pretty surprised, as he was when Hange approached him and the others, but he'd also probably be reluctant to try and engage back, again because of that fear he has of growing close and then losing them. But I think if someone really, genuinely tried with Levi to be his friend, he would eventually reciprocate. Levi's never going to be some effusive, gregarious person. He's never going to be super talkative or outgoing or enthusiastic in his expressions. He's always going to appear very reserved and introverted and flat. But that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy being with someone else. I think you couldn't wish for a better friend in the world than Levi. he's always going to be there when it really counts. When things are hard. He'll always be loyal. He'll always do his best to protect you and support you.

Basically, if someone just has the patience to keep trying with Levi, eventually you'll end up finding in him someone worth every ounce of effort.

[raytorosaurus]

i think where people get confused is that mcr did try very hard and very overtly to make their shows a safe space for queer people and women which is not a political act it just feels political because being queer and/or a woman means you exist in a space where your being is politicised by those around you whether you want to actively be involved in those politics or not. but, as you said, the art itself is personal and the message at shows is generally also about personal expression and learning to be yourself and take care of yourself. there's an element of respect each other/respect each others' differences but that's not political there's no call to action there's no fight for structural change and that's totally fine they don't have to be that

yeah no you said it, i totally agree. like i said, they're only political as far as all art is political - maybe slightly more because they made an active effort to engage with a socially outcast audience, tho in their minds that wasn't about specific marginalised groups like queer people, neurodivergent ppl etc - beyond their vocal support of women at shows/in the scene, they were directing their art just at people who didn't quite fit in in general. there's a big venn diagram there (and obviously some contextual cause-and-effect in terms of what kind of people tended to be unwelcome in hardcore scenes lol - even then, mcr never made any statements about race or whiteness) but it's not like gerard started a band to empower or liberate specific identities in a political sense - it was very consciously an effort to sing more about general unifying human experiences - i.e. ones lots of people can relate to. one of mcr's (especially gerard as lyricist) greatest strengths is being able to tap into those "universal" emotions like grief, loneliness, self-hatred etc. and make them a little easier to confront head-on or feel a little less isolating. that's literally why they're popular - if they had been overtly political they simply never would have made it that big! wait i'll let hanif abdurraqib say it because he said it best (brief snippet from his wonderful essay on the black parade in his collection they can't kill us until they kill us - 100% worth the cost of the ebook alone, and all of his essays are brilliant).

that idea is kind of at the heart of mcr and something i really appreciate about it. there's actually very little specificity in mcr's lyrics by design - it's meant to be projected onto and interpreted. that makes it inherently difficult to politicise bc good politics requires clarity of message and intention. that in turn makes mcr pretty apolitical by nature - which isn't a bad thing! different bands (like all types of art) exist for different reasons, and mcr's reason is catharsis and connection far more than it is any kind of activism. we can be pretty assured based on the lyrics and what we know of the guys that their politics aren't terrible and that's enough for me.

the real issue comes in when people act like mcr are political and give them credit for something they're not (and something they've never really claimed to be!). i get that mcr is a gateway band for a lot of people into harder/heavier music - it was for me too! - but even bands one step removed from mcr in the same scene (e.g. thursday) are leagues more political than these guys are.

this goes beyond mcr/bandom now but....tbh i think a lot of it comes from that relatively recent attitude that's common in online circles that activism is heavily rooted in personal identity (which ties in with the harmful pattern of, for example, white queer people acting like they're somehow above other white people in terms of racism) and comes more from individual thought, words, and discussion (in which using the correct language sometimes has more weight than what you're trying to say) than it does from actual community action. this isn't an attack at anyone btw - a lot of the statements about mcr's politics around here are pretty flippant and light-hearted anyway, i doubt too many people are taking them super seriously, but it's probably worth considering. overall, i'm not listening to mcr for politics and i'm certainly not looking to any of them for political guidance, but it's nice to feel connected to them and to all of you guys and to know that they support my identity, but that’s kind of as far as it goes for me.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I have a complicated history with a friend. We've hurt each other a lot and we've tried working on ourselves and starting anew but still keep having fights. Recently in another fight, I realized I have been a terrible friend. I'd say I'd do better but then life happens and I ghost the friend bc I can barely handle my own plate. I feel horrible about myself. I realize realistically that I can't handle my life and working on this relationship. And we both feel misunderstood/hurt by the other person. It's a draining negative cycle and it's sapped all the will out of me, on top of all the other things happening in my life. I feel like I am my worst self in this dynamic and I just want a reprieve from it all. I want to ask for a break or even to end it. I don't think I'm the right person for this friend and vice versa but I don't know if I'm just acting in a hurtful way again, as he has pointed out many times.

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What is your question exactly or what kind of response are you looking for? It's not my place to make such a judgment for you. Since you didn't explain the exact nature of your disagreement with your friend, I can only make some general comments.

Relationships with a "complicated history" are surely the most difficult ones to maintain, but they are also the ones you should be most reluctant to give up.

1) Close friendships are rare due to the time and effort and luck required to make them happen. It gets harder and harder to make close friends as you get older, which means, as you get older, you're likely to regret not appreciating the ones you've lost. An important part of maintaining close friendships over the long term is learning how to focus on the positive rather than nitpick the negatives, such that you're able to cherish each other despite the disagreements. If you have an issue of easily getting bogged down by your feelings moment to moment (i.e. being too narrow-minded), then it's important that you learn how to have a longer term view of things.

2) Close friendships are the perfect training ground for improving relationship skills. Since friends are generally flexible and forgiving, there is room to make mistakes and learn from them. If you keep repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over, is running away the best solution? Is it not better to learn how to actually solve the problem? In what ways are you contributing to the problem and shouldn't you want to improve on that? Are you certain that the problem is isolated to this one person/relationship and won't reappear in other relationships?

3) Close friendships form the backbone of one's social support network. You say you can barely handle yourself, let alone this friendship, which makes me wonder why you must draw such a distinction in the first place. Close friends tend to go through life together and are intimately involved in each other's lives. Do you have an issue with not being able to let people in to help or support you (e.g. due to fear of intimacy or fear of vulnerability)? There is a difference between someone "bringing out the worst in you" versus someone "exposing the things about you that you don't want to see". If it's actually the latter, then the real problem isn't the relationship dynamic but your own defensiveness. Overcoming defensiveness is a key component of personal growth, so giving up this relationship could be giving up a perfect opportunity to grow.

I've made the above points not to convince you to stay but to ensure you're seeing the bigger picture. All that being said, it takes two people to make a relationship work. Both parties have to be willing to give a little, to compromise, to implement necessary changes, to work toward something better, etc. If you're not willing to commit, walk away. Do you not have every right to choose your friends?

It sounds to me like you're experiencing frequent breakdowns in communication. A lot of disagreements can be successfully resolved through learning how to communicate your way through them constructively (see the related article). However, there are certain disagreements that can't be resolved, such as deep disagreements about fundamental moral values.

The takeaway point: The best way to deal with a breakdown in communication is to learn better communication skills. Close relationships are bound to have disagreements and conflicts. You must be able to accept this fact and learn how to resolve conflicts maturely. Being a poor communicator is something that will follow you into every relationship, so it behooves you to improve on this front. Whether improving communication will be enough to mend this relationship is your judgment to make.