#bc that will lose any interest that was here originally LMFAO

[seesiderendezvous]

👒

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

so. ach’m. he is an amphibious alien character thats been with me for a long time and i havent had the feeling for him in YEARS. but i have to talk about him because hes still got a special place in my heart despite my uh... abandonment of him. 

this is really long so it’s under a cut

first things first: his name, Ach’M Raten, is pronounced, Ahk-mm Rah-ten. it has a meaning to it because apparently those are names derived from words in his people’s language, which you’ll find out about more later. 

he was someone i made when i was RIGHT in the middle of my Alien phase, and was also just starting my OCT xDDD phase on deviantArt. (i was. not good at octs bc i had no concept of cohesive storytelling in a limited timeline comic format and also had really bad add that made it impossible to ever finish anything.) the OCT he was apart of was Tapestry of Horror, which, honestly i think my audition comic for that was the only good one i made for that entire tourney. this was his reference for it: 

ahh, look at that. the nostalgia is all coming back to me. the amount of “:U” which was a go-to face for 13 year old me. this was posted back in 2010! wow!

the reason the 63 on his age is crossed out is because THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY THE ORIGINAL REFERENCE I HAD FOR HIM! i had to redraw him because his original reference (which unfortunately has been lost to the annals of time) was too human looking? and tapestry of horror was an anthro/alien/no-human-faces tourney, so they told me i should probably change his face up some and then he’d be fine, and ORIGINALLY, ACH’M WAS AN OLD MAN. I DON’T KNOW WHY I ALSO CUT HIS AGE IN HALF BUT IT’s PROBABLY BECAUSE I WAS THE INDECISIVE BASTARD THEN THAT I STILL AM TODAY.

supposedly he used to slink around in shadows and laugh and speak in rhymes, and im pretty sure that was a side effect of edgy 13 year old interests? like, i think i tried giving him kind of a creepy serial killer vibe? and then just never executed it? he had an epithet of, The Laughing Cyborg, which is still relevant in later versions of him. 

oh and here, have some TOP SECRET ACH’M LORE COURTESY OF THE IMAGE DESCRIPTION OF HIS REFERENCE:

i don’t believe i was lying. i think i did originally make an amphibious alien woman character that just later evolved into ach’m. i’m sure if i had any of my sketchbooks from that age physically with me i would ABSOLUTELY be able to find it and show you guys but i dont so, rip. 

because i was trying to be coy and ~*~mysterious~*~ i never originally explained his backstory on his reference. it was planned to be something revealed overtime through ~*~dramatic~*~ flashbacks and dream sequences that i did not have the ability to execute. its always followed the same beats, though: ach’m and his younger brother were child refugees from a civil war on his home planet. in their initial escape, ach’m is caught under a crumbling wall and loses his leg, and they’re later found and adopted by a retired opera singer of another species. through vague never-established family issues, ach’m leaves his adoptive mother and joins a travelling circus. 

this is his adoptive mother: 

her name is (and i’m sorry) Nippeteranulzenkodelonio. You can just call her Nippy, though. Please just call her Nippy. 

god, her species used to be called draconae? what the heck. in future designs, those religious symbols are obsolete and replaced with other symbols relating to a galaxy-wide secret society that has NOTHING to do with ach’m and i never figured out how nippy was involved in it, so we’re not delving into that. 

they both come from a planet called Naruviie, which in his language just means, “Land of the People,” “naru” being the part that means people. i never like, fully fleshed out their planet aside from very vague allusions to it being mostly swampland populated by cute little amphibious animals like this fun guy: 

pictured: a gold Yarlian, which is basically the Naruviian equivalent of a dog. 

SO BACK TO ACH’M AND THE TAPESTRY OF HORROR: i only won the first round because my opponent had to drop out, and i lost the second round. it didn’t really matter though, because ach’m remained an incredibly popular character to followers of the tourney, and No, It Was Not Because Of Me. it was because one of the other competitors who i was friends with included him in her rounds, mostly for jokes, and i thought it was the best thing ever. the problem with that though, was that even though in every entry for the tourney she would say IN THE DESCRIPTION that he was NOT her character, everyone thought he was. because she was just a more well-known artist in that community, and i was just. some 13 year old. 

but anyway, she was a more competent storyteller than i was so she actually like... gave him more character than i was capable of at the time, and she would ask me if i characterized him wrong and i would always be like, “NO ITS GREAT HES PRETTY MUCH WHAT I WANTED HIM TO BE BUT JUST COULD NOT WRITE FOR WHATEVER REASON!” not that i ever expressed it like that because... from what i remember about my 13 year old self... i was very Virgo in all of my statements. yikes. 

im not close with that artist anymore, and our interests have diverged a lot since then, but i always think back to that time with fondness. for my tween mind, having an artist that i looked up to see my character and actually like them enough to do that absolutely had a profound effect on me at the time. 

ALRIGHT NOW FOR THE NEXT VERSION OF ACH’M, 2015: 

see i told you his name had a meaning. and look, i even gave his language a name! wow! such developments!

his backstory didn’t really change, except this time instead of a wall falling on him and crushing his leg, he was just born with a bad leg that had to get amputated. apparently. i also changed up his personality more. instead of him being this one dimensional jokey boy that talked in a bad accent, he became more of this like... roguish bardish type of character? he’s more flirty, more prone to being pride and false bravado, tells ridiculous stories of his life to appear more dashing, and, get this: i literally put in his updated backstory that he used to work more Colorful Jobs (ie: he was a prostitute at some point) 

his brother also has more of a presence and an actual character? i think i planned on him being dead in his 2010 iteration. Orith in this version is a grouchy mechanic/space engineer with a prosthetic eye. oh yeah that’s right him and ach’m were like. attacked by giant birds at some point in their childhoods? i think i had it that the giant birds were a natural predator of his fucking species????????? and thats why ach’m is missing an arm and an ear

moving on. 

LOOK WOW I GAVE ACH’M MULTIPLE OUTFITS!! WOW!!!

big himbo energies. i knew what was up. 

and that leads us to the latest ach’m that i’ve drawn which is these sketchy things from 2016

his cybernetic arm looks completely different now, he doesn’t have the robot ear anymore and his brother (wow an actual picture of his brother!) doesn’t even have a robot eye, and nippy now looks actually old and is like. completely blind now. i didn’t even realize my art style changed THAT much in the span of like, one and a half years until like.. JUST now. wow. 

he definitely looks like more of a scumbag now, and i don’t think i ever made anymore drastic changes to his backstory. i’m probably going to take another crack at it though because uhhhhh i dont like a lot of the implications i made in his backstory lmfao.

anyway yeah that’s the story of ach’m! 

[dirkxcaliborn]

the final route dfghjhfdsdfghjhfdsdfghj

absolutely losing it  at Tama being like “uHHHH the new story will uh.... be about love! Staring Naoshi kun and Kawase :)” and Kawase’s like “>:/ nvm I don’t want to be the lead. Minakami, you do it.” & MInakami’s like “well if that’s ok...” and Naoshi’s like “then I quit.” and Hanazawa’s like “I can be the girl” and Tama’s like “absolutely not” (that’s right Tama say FUCK no to Hanazawa) & someone’s like “Why don’t you be the girl Tama, this is your fault anyway” and Kawase’s like “oh? Maybe I will be the other lead then :3c” and Minakami’s like “🔪🔪🔪 uhm I’m the lead now remember” and then Professor returns and is like “I think Tamamori should be the lead. And the girl should be........ me :3c”

----

I... feel like I should’ve expected this. Remember how I said there are so few characters that I was like “bro who’s even left for another route????” hah,,, I.... forgot one. Tho even if I had thought of him, I would’ve put him in the same group as the kids. Ya know like. Not even possible as an option. But here he is. Very much a love interest option. Not only that but supposedly as the true story. jeeeeeeez. But where... did he come from then????? Even sO why,,, if that’s not it why would. Jeez. ok. If. It’s any better maybe the lead here is very Shopkeeper who I. Don’t like anyway. I mean I say that as if Tamamori would never do anything I would disapprove of dfghjhgfdghj not my Tamamori lmfao

Ah jeez tho. 

Bleh nope yeah no their original relation is very much the same they. Didn’t change that. Tell me Tamamori did u draw a little self-reflective inspiration in creating the character of Ikeda? Bleh. Bleh bleh bleh

ignore the subtitles but I’m really just.... reading like

and every so often there’s just some shit and I tab back here to write more eugh bc I need a break bc. Eugh

That’s. The end of it. mmmmmmMMM I still liked like. mm... 80% of the game??? maybe?????????? I would. When recc’ing it tho be like hey. When u play 4 routes? That’s it. Just call it day. Game over good game the end. augh why,,, as the last route. Something like this. awful

[happysmilebtr]

omg i always check things 5 times before sending bc i'm too paranoid i forgot to check the anon on lmfao i used to open an incognito chrome window to send asks but since i talk too much and now tumblr lets me send huge asks, i just send it like a warrior from my own blog and make sure the anon is on lmfao

omg when i was in college the softwares used to crash on me allllll the time so this made me learn from the pain to always save every minor changes i make lmfao sometimes this actually comes back to bite me in the ass when i can't undo anymore and don't have an older version of it saved anymore, but it's still better than losing everything lmfao still haven't made any of the gifts and i don't even wanna think about it... will have to lmfao i didn't do it for so long bc i stopped paying for my adobe acc and now i'll have to find a crack to use ps i think?? but i'm so lazyyy lskndflkj BUT THANK YOU! it's great that u finished yours though, hopefully i'll find strenght now and do all mine too :') SO TELL ME. what are ur fave colors and do you have any fave ~aesthetics~?? also, yeonjun is your bias, right?

yeah i think it's because they're too young and bighit didn't want some audio bans or something?? like they also performed mirotic recently and sung the "under my sky" version instead of "under my skin" when most ppl covering it sing the og version lmfao idk what's the issue here but oh well

have a good week!!! we're almost on christmas day~

- secret moa 🎅

Lolol omg I feel that so much!! I originally planned to keep my asks short and send them via chrome on my phone where I'm not signed in but then I started talking alot with my moa Santa so now I am sending in through the app (it ate my ask of course so I resent it again thankfully) and so far I haven't made a mistake but now I always double check for sure lol. I'm actually surprised this isn't done when not logged in (that you can send in a large ask) but tumblr is weird so what do I know? *shrugs*

Oohh djjasjsjsj I felt that so much! I am sending you good vibes with getting your gifts finished! You GOT this my dear secret Santa! I believe in ya! *hugs you* I mean I make stuff under photopea so you can use that xD ngl ps kinda looks confusing to me so I am sticking to photopea jdjsjdjs and oohh good question! I do have a tag for aesthetic so you can get a general idea but it is all over the place! I enjoy soft aesthetics like pastel or light colors to darker ones from black and white or grunge colors. It can be simple but also it can be more specific like cyberpunk at times. I am a giant mess but the tag should help you (I have a food tag, a tag for nature as well along with some animal tag if need some inspiration!) And yeppers! Yeonjun along with kai are my my biases

Yeah I figured that would be the case, especially in the states they would have to put the label that they have "not disney friendly" as I call it and considering how tiny beans txt are still, it would be a bit ??? And bighit didn't want trouble (but WHY record it and air it in the mv then like ??? People would still like it regardless but then bighit had to make some hype like "omg bad boys" like xD) interesting, I haven't seen the kbs videos yet so that's interesting to note. I mean I'm happy they did switch it up and make it more friendly but like still, the song is still questionable for the younger idols to cover but hey we would be here all night so xD but yes its the holidays so soon like !?!?!?

[survivorisladelasmunecas-blog]

Rites Of Passage - Day 78

(Here is some music to listen to while reading this)

Enfado Tribe (Cole, Jaiden, Eddie, Matthias, Dylan)

AJ -  Putting you all the same because I didn’t get to play with you guys in the beginning. If y’all didn’t go it would have been my tribe and I would not be here so thanks for losing? Again, sorry.

Brandan -  Cole,Jordan campaigned hard to get you back into this game. From what I read of your bio I believe you would have either became a massive threat or you would have ended up like my friend Nin: All bark no bite and a second boot. You seem cool though.  Dylan, Hey Halloween, why do you have to be so racist to not let us pick you to come back? I mean really?  Eddie, You know I tried to get you back into the game, because you seemed cool and I hated the argument between bring in Tyler or.  Jaiden, From what I heard of everyone you seemed like a mess. Literally, the entire tribe ruled out bringing you back in from the get go. Don’t know what you did to do that, but yeah they really didn’t want you in. Matthias, You know, during that last challenge I completely forgot you were in the game XD, I literally had NO idea who you were. I want to get to know you though.

Eva -  Matthias, Not gonna lie I was DREADING seeing you on the cast bc after Bora Bora I was definitely kind of rude to you and I'm sorry about that! I definitely wish we'd gotten a chance to play together just to make up for all of that. Cole, Dylan, Eddie, Jaiden, I've never met you guys and we didn't get any chance to speak so I really don't have anything to say! Sorry <3

James - Matthias, Never really got to interact, a victim of the slaughter. Jaiden, Might have caused a mess if you got a foothold in the game since you're a bit of a schemer which could have shaken things up. Eddie, My original partner in Newfoundland, once again I watched as you got booted first ;_; Dylan, I was excited to potentially play with you but it just wasn't in the cards I suppose. Cole, Never really got to interact, a victim of the slaughter 

Shea

AJ -  Hope you are doing okay actually.

Brandan -  You know you seemed cool, and then you quit, and I heard why from a close friend of mine, and to be honest I’m kind of happy you left

Eva - Hope you are okay

James -  Hope everything is alright with you surrounding the reasons for your quit

Victor

AJ -  I heard a lot of things about you going into the season, a lot of really good things so when I saw you out first I was SHOOK. Sorry bud!

Brandan -  I honest to god though you didn’t deserve to go the round you did. You tried so hard in that challenge and I thought you would have stayed! Well I guess the idol’s fucked you over, but it’s a game, I think we can all say fuck Dustin for the roulette of idols.

Eva -  Another Bora Bora person ahhhh. Just like Matthias I wasn't excited to see you but in hindsight I'm sure that was an overreaction.

James -  RIP victor @ all those idols getting played.

Aidan

AJ -  OMG AIDAN <3 Voting you out was really hard because it was the first tribal but you also self-voted so I don’t feel that bad….

Brandan -  You were so inactive you got voted out unanimously with an idol in your pocket. Like what the hell dude.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Zack

AJ - Zack/Seamus, Putting you both together because I see you both as the same. Both big threats in a tribe that didn’t really want to play. Sorry!

Brandan -  Don’t know much of you, other than you got a ton of praise for coming back and playing. I don’t know much about my tumblr survivor history however I’ll try to catch up.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Seamus

AJ -  Zack/Seamus, Putting you both together because I see you both as the same. Both big threats in a tribe that didn’t really want to play. Sorry!

Brandan -  : I honestly thought that you would have either survived the tribe or left much earlier due to you being the only winner in the game. In your vote out I thought Connor was a gonner. Turns out I was wrong. Good game.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Steven

AJ -  After you went I figured that my original tribe was going to be targeted (which was and also wasn’t the case) but I heard that you kinda just disappeared. Hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  Ditto everything I said about Aidan. Except you lasted longer, and you were my last pick I believe.

Eva -  OMG I don't think you ever accepted my contact request but RIP! I think you were probably busy which I can definitely relate to :v

James - Started on Brown then went to Yellow.

Ricky

AJ -  LMFAO. Okay Ricky you were causing way too much shit for no reason and when I found out that you all were doing Andrei I had to take that opportunity to take you out. You had too many connections and were stirring the pot for no reason. Sorry!

Brandan -  Fr om what I heard from others you and Billy were like this huge duo premade whatever schablang. So ultimately I’m a bit mixed on you. You seemed cool, but I’m glad you're out. So much confusing emotions.

Eva -  Never got a chance to speak to you either!

James -  Another person I was never on a tribe with, rip idols

Jacob

AJ -  UGH Jacob why did you have to get 3 strikes! I missed having conversations with you and was so happy when we slayed the scavenger hunt to beat 15th place! Miss you!

Brandan - The amount of knowledge I know about you is so little that I only remembered you due to your skype picture. A Serperior. Yeah not a good impression, and then you go and get yourself medevaced.

Eva -  omg THE Jacob Albright what a king. I don't think we've ever had a chance to play more than like, two days worth of game together but what a god.

James -  We were together for a good part of the pre-merge yet... I still don't think we ever interacted? I don't know if you interacted with anyone? Your presence was quite an enigma leading up to your evacuation.

Jevvon

AJ -  Jev ill be honest, I don’t know why I refused to vote you. You were very inactive and didn’t have a computer but I thought you were a really nice person. Hope everything is going well in the U.K

Brandan -  I AM SO FUCKING GLAD I PUT YOU ON THE OTHER TRIBE. I expected you to go WAY earlier than you did because of you lack of computer. Why you were never voted out I will never know. Do yourself a favor and buy yourself a computer. It will help you in the long run if you play another one of these games. Thank you.

Eva -  The first Negacion to go! We were such a great starting tribe but I definitely didn't get to know you as well as the others sadly.

James -  Your self voting yourself into a tie and eventually out of the game was pretty lolzworthy and was a pretty fitting end to your story.

Tyler

AJ -  : Flop bitch! JK! We slayed the premerge together and then I think things got too busy in life for you so that’s where the 3 strikes come in. I’m not sure if you leaving hurt or helped me but I hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  All I know about you is that you tried to vote me out, you didn’t talk fucking game with anyone, you were useless, and you got medevaced. I was honestly sad to see you go, only because everyone was gonna target you first vote XD.

Eva -  OMG your idol play being the thing that put me on the lagoon...well, it was my own fault but still, it's so funny thinking back on that.

James -  You were a mess of an ally. It was fun playing with you for the hot second we were together on a tribe but you really did get all those strikes over literally nothing LOL. N e ways your evac probably helped me in the long-run so I'm not to sad hehe.

Monty

AJ -  I voted for you 2 or 3 times and I don’t regret it. You didn’t really care about this game and caused unnecessary drama. Bye!

Brandan -  Okay so I heard all these rumors about you being a big threat and all of that stuff and I honestly thought you were too passive to pull it off. Give or take you did get idoled out and eventually lost in the Lagoon but yeah, I think you are a good player, you just need to believe in yourself more.

Eva -  Ahhh it sucks that you just didn't have time for the game anymore (again: relatability) but I did enjoy the one talk we got to have at the lagoon!

James -  Another player I never interacted with, must suck to know you were so close to merge only for 3 people to essentially quit right when it hit ;_;

Jordan 

AJ -  omg Jordan. You caused a LOT of waves in the last two rounds in this game that kinda set up how the merge would play out. I really wish you didn’t give up on the lagoon but im happy I got to see you play this game!

Brandan -  Jordan my friend. I tried so hard to save you. SO. FUCKING. HARD. I literally tried blackmailing Bodhi and everything but at that point he was too close to Austin (Look how that turned out XD). I think I’m the only person in this game that actually knew you at heart, your a cool dude, amazing personality, and overall fun to be around. Hopefully you let everyone know your true self so they all don’t think of you as a pathological liar <3

Eva -  Another Bora Bora rep <3 your argument with Austin is by far the most interesting thing that ever happened at the lagoon and I was gagging the whole time.

James - You were a bit of a bitch to me but at the end of the day I am sorry I didn't use an idol on you. I was a bit paranoid and the last minute aspect of it all had me overthinking it. However you did stop trying at the lagoon when 10 minutes of effort would have won you immunity so I don't feel that bad!

Connor

AJ -  DAD!!!!!!!! I miss you so much omg. I’m really happy that I got to meet you during this game because you are such a sweet person. Can’t wait to send you random snaps all the time!

Brandan -  You know I never understood why you hated me. Maybe it was just because I refused to lay down and die. Maybe it was because I snapped at you when I knew you wanted me out. I don’t know. But you and I had a little rivalry throughout the early portion of the merge, and I campaigned HARD to get you out when you did. Didn’t work out the way I intended but hey, I still won out. Maybe sometime we can sit down, have some hot cocoa, and maybe become friends :).

Eva -  You definitely came in to the lagoon with a lot to say and plenty on your mind. I actually spoke more to you than a lot of people in the game which is weird in hindsight but you were a lot easier to carry a conversation with than some.

James -  We never really talked until a couple hours before the tribal you went at where your tone kinda turned me off. I saw you as a solid vote against me so that was pretty much the reason behind getting you out though at the end of the day.

Lil AJ

AJ -  WE GOT TO PLAY TOGETHER THIS TIME! Ugh when I saw you on the cast I was so happy yet so sad because I knew we would be paired together. Im glad we were because even though we didn’t spend a lot of time in the game together, I had a lot of fun strategizing and scheming with you <3 Love ya!

Brandan - You were literally the only person I was blunt about voting off. At the point I told you my mind was set in stone, and I figured I just be honest with you than extend false hope. I hope you find happiness with your puppy! Even though I only knew you for 3 days, you seemed really cool :)

Eva -  ughhhh this really sucked. When the four of us knew it was the last lagoon and someone had to go I had a really hard time actually deciding who to vote for. I wasn't going to turn on Andrei no matter what and I didn't want to vote Brandan either so it came down to you :/. At least you returned the favor so it felt a bit less crappy, still sucked though!

James -  I thought for sure you were gonna return from the lagoon but then you got robbed at the very end ;_;

Jay

AJ -  I honestly think this should be flipped. Jay I thought you had what it took to win. This boot was such a shock to me. I thought you would be the last person from our tribe in this game. You are a strong threat in any game you are in (BBHELL, Tumblr Survivor, etc.) Im so happy we finally got to bond over a game together and I’m excited to talk to you in a few days!

Brandan -  There are so many words I can use to describe you it’s not even funny. All of them are positive, but what can you do. You were a seriously good player, and I understand Austin’s decision to target you instead of someone else. I seriously appreciate you giving me an immunity necklace that brought me back in, it was super nice of you. Even though it kind of did fuck you over that tribal.

Eva -  oh my god there is soooo much I can say about you Jay, you were probably one of the first people I truly aligned with when we swapped together. I put a lot of trust into you and I was genuinely excited to return from the lagoon to play with you and some other people. But needless to say, It's Complicated starring Meryl Streep. I'm sure we'll discuss it at length either when I join jury or I'm at FTC!

James -  You were a huge player in this game, I viewed you as being one of if not the most well connected player. Pretty much the full package, just so happened we were on different sides come merge.

Matt

AJ -  We never really got to talk this game but you seem cool! H.A.G.S! No but seriously im sorry that you went inactive but that is kind of what I relied on that round. Hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  Matt my buddy! I’m sorry that you left on a self vote huge blindside. I honest to god though no one in their right fucking mind would take you out. Seems like I was wrong huh? Oh well, you were funny and a truly nice guy. I hope you're enjoying ponderosa! And let me know how that thing with your boss went you never told me the resolution!

Eva -  You were probably my favorite person to talk to on OG Negacion. We actually stayed together for the whole game before I Cirie'd myself so I saw you as one of my top people in this season. But we definitely fell out of touch later on and I'm sure you have a lot going on right now so it's no surprise.

James -  - You were a fun presence throughout the game and it was fun to see someone not take themselves too seriously. Hope everything is okay as you're apparently still mia ;_;

Austin

AJ -  LMFAOOOOOO. Austin you know from BBHell that we really don’t mesh and this game proved otherwise. I think we were both on the same page that we needed to keep lying to each other but keep each other close at the same time. It was fishy. You are a really strong player in all aspects of the word but you leaving made me VERY happy. Enjoy jury!

Brandan -  Okay here we go. Austin, I love you personality wise. I think you truly are an amazing guy, with amazing stories and that stuff. However, at the point of your vote out you just lost trust with everyone, which is why you got voted out. Although I didn’t vote for you that round, I tried to spare you from that vote. However… people had other ulterior motives. Other than one of your plans getting me sent to the lagoooooooooooooooooooon and yelling at me after the Jordan vote you are really cool :).

Eva -  Not much to say here :v just kidding! Austin I'm sure you still see me as some manner of snake. I definitely don't think I am and hopefully, like Jay, we can discuss it at length later on but for now I'll say I definitely had your back and trusted you with some pretty important things :v

James -  At first I was a bit hesitant to FULLY trust you with how messy the round was when Brandon went home. However, I am glad we got on the same page because the next 3 rounds it was fun the way we schemed together even when things seemed super hopeless.

Billy

AJ -  Ok this was a tough one. I won’t go into the details of why I flipped just yet but it was one of the hardest choices I had to make in this game. Billy, from the swap I knew that we were going to be close allies. Despite us voting against each other for majority of the votes, you were someone that I knew I could be real with and that you would be real back. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to talk to you soon! Enjoy Kohl’s!

Brandan -  My dude! I didn’t flip on you! You were actually a really cool guy, and one of the people I connected with most in this game. You just seemed so… genuine, it was a breath of relief that I desperately needed. I think your grandpa would be really proud of you if you ever did this shit in real life, I think you give his memory a good name.

Eva -  We were never really aligned in the game but by the time we actually started talking to each other I found you to be a pretty cool guy. We actually have a lot in common and idk, regardless of how the game turns out I can definitely say getting to know you a bit was a fun aspect.

James -  - We had a bit of an adversarial relationship early on in the merge. I was genuine about potentially working with you but unfortunately it never really panned out. At the end of the day I know you're a nice guy though and our interests just never fully aligned.

Andrei

AJ -  My last OG Abatimiento <3. This vote was difficult too. However Andrei, you overlapped in a lot of groups and I had a strong feeling I wasn’t in your long term game. Despite that, I loved getting to meet you in this game Andrei. You are such a sweet and kind person and I hope that we can continue to talk after the game.

Brandan -  You know I never really understood why you tried to turn on me. I thought I was being honest with you and straightforward. Either you saw me as a threat or I just didn’t say something, I don’t know. But I wanted you to stay longer, you were really cool to be around. Upupupupupupu~~~~

Eva -  Ugh you going home started my spiral of being depressed with this game! You were probably my bestie in this game. We're closer to each other in age than we are to some of these others, we have a lot of the same interests, and I just enjoyed our talks. Definitely gutted when you left and I wish I'd been able to change it.

James -  You were a fun presence in the game after you returned from the lagoon. At the end of the day I just viewed you as a bigger threat than Brandon which led me to vote you out.

Renee

AJ -  Renee…. We got to meet right at the merge but we never really talked game for most of the merge. It was a weird feeling. However, you are a very sweet person and you are the QUEEN of Dustin’s seasons!

Brandan -  You are super sweet, and honestly I can’t say a bad thing about you. You were just like this bright little ray of sunshine, and even though everyone else literally said you didn’t talk to them, I didn’t see that at all. I’m sorry things ended the way they did, but you are an amazing person, remember that.

Eva -  Had my legacy advantage been transferrable you know 100% I would've given it to you. I wanted you to stay in so badly! I like avoid speaking whenever I can but even I was able to muster up the courage to try to change the way the vote was going. Absolutely devastated to lose you for sure.

James -  - Us coming together with Eva at final 8 was genuinely one of if not my favorite moment in the game and at the time I was being genuine about it. Then I remembered about the legacy advantage and your potential ties with Andrei and my path to the end which kind of changed my thoughts. I am probably the one you were referencing at tribal about ignoring you since I lowkey did ghost you that round and that was probably a mistake on my part along with the deception at final 7 so for that I am sorry.

Bodhi

AJ -  Last one! Bodhi I loved us bonding over how much we both despised Austin. If you two were secretly working together for real im not sure but I enjoyed the conversations. Overall, Bodhi you were a strong player in this game and a huge threat to win it all. I hope you are surviving on jury and I cant wait to talk to you soon.

Brandan -  Well I’ll put you out of your misery. I was the third. I absolutely adore you as a person, and you are one of the coolest guys here. However, you were also very strategic, and made a lot of votes happen. I’ve wanted you out for a while, and hey, it happened. I still feel bad for the way you/Austin broke apart but hey, partly my fault. I hope you two get back together!

Eva - I think this marks the third straight time I just didn't vote correctly at all. We had a lovely call before the vote that I enjoyed and I completely saw your POV but apparently the others didn't! I definitely would've gunned for you next because you played a great game, though.

James -  If someone asked me during some of the early merge rounds that we would be working together during the late-game then I would have thought they were crazy. They way you can think thought situations is actually very tactful and that pretty much cemented my view of you as a huge threat. It was cool though to talk to you more one on one past your tribal persona though.

[uniformbravo]

i felt like making a list of my piano goals so uhh here we go

some of these are very specific and im so shit at explaining them so if ur reading this good luck

learn to play faster w/ my right hand ghghgh im trying to learn this rly complicated song rn that’s like way above my skill level lol and i stumble over the fast bits every time even tho i know what notes to play so idk i just want to like git gud

in a similar vein: get used to playing the melody correctly? like i recently noticed that i take a lot of shortcuts to avoid faster note sequences & its like bitch........................ play it right

learn more embellishments..... idk how to explain this one really, that’s just what i call them. u know, shit like uhh when u drag ur hand down from the top & hit all the keys, i see The Pros do that one all the time, or just like. random sprinklings of notes that aren’t really part of the melody but sound rly good?? i want to add Embellishments (sorry if this is like rly confusing i know nothing abt proper music terms)

get a lot better (and faster) at that thing where u play 2 of the same note one octave apart (w/ the right hand), i am abysmal at that rn it’s kind of pathetic but To Be Fair it rly strains my hand so i haven’t been able to practice it that much........ i wish i had yaoi hands, honestly, (my reach is like. 9 of the white keys. like if the bottom note is C i can reach the next D and thats it)

building off the last one: i want to do that & also add notes in between to make chords like what the fuck, im perfectly fine w/ 3-note chords but the second u add in a 4th i lose my mind why is it so hard

get more comfortable w/ playing melody on the higher keys (this also ties into the aforementioned octave shit since that would help w/ this) bc i tend to play w/ my right and left hands pretty close together & it tends to sound a little muddy.... als o boring

more maneuverability w/ my left hand.,,; i want to get good at the thing where ur constantly alternating between hitting a low note and a higher chord (like in ragtime), that shit is hard & i h8 it

similarly: getting comfortable with making huge jumps w/ both hands. i know this one has a lot more to do w/ practice and muscle memory than one single catch-all technique but i watch a lot of pianists on youtube who make it look so effortless like their hands are just floating back and forth across the keyboard & i want that 2 be me

get better at playing in more difficult keys lol..... i rely too much on C-major/A-minor, G-major/E-minor, and F-major/D-minor all my songs sound the fuckign same,.,.,, playing covers helps bc i usually have to learn it in its original key, which will sometimes be something weird, but more often than not it’s not that weird which makes it rly embarrassing when i struggle so much w/ it lol like..... little witch academia’s op (shiny ray) is in fucking D-major which should be easy af but im having such a hard time with it aaaahhhhhhhh  literally anything that’s a variation on a key im used to trips me up so bad like A-major is fucking garbage tbh!!! also E-major jesus christ. and dont even talk to me about C#-major i hATE

stop relying so much on the lower notes for the left hand like..... dont be afraid to move up to the higher notes sometimes, the variation will make ur songs more interesting and less samey like wtf

coming up w/ more interesting arrangements w/ more variation of technique throughout (this mostly applies 2 my left hand. my Shit left hand yeah u heard me, Asshole,)

just- more variation in left hand techniques in general lmfao the left needs a lot of work ok let’s just leave it at that

figuring out how to end songs. just generally learning when to stop lol i have this rly annoying habit of ending every single song w/ the same dumbass unnecessary technique that i dont even know how to do properly so it doesnt even sound that good but it’s a habit now so im trying to break it. i need to get more comfortable w/ songs that end abruptly like snk’s s2 op has a rly abrupt ending & it feels so uncomfortable every time i play it like “that’s it???” yes that’s it u Moron get with the program get used to it christ

understanding that learning new songs takes time and not being able to instantly pick up any song i try is normal like jeez i really have to tell myself this. also making a lot of mistakes comes w/ the learning, and even if u manage to iron them out, lack of practice brings them back and that’s Normal it doesn’t mean u suck now it just means u havent practiced those songs ok jeeeeeez

i think that p much covers it lol

since im so shit at explaining what i mean here’s a piano cover that basically exemplifies everything i want to achieve, this guy is literally #Piano Goals his arrangement style is everything i aspire towards like Jeez. just watch all of his videos tbh he’s amazing

[wandering-bitch]

Annotations on Falling in Love with Love (Again)

FiLwL(A) is my 3zun cinderella which is actually just about the importance of qin su and also reuniting with your exes. Here’s my behind the scenes/notes/lore for chapters 9-11. 

ch 9: nie mingjue being hot

i wrote this before i’d even written the Murder in ch 6;;;;; i just love nie mingjue

i so deeply believe in nie mingjue being smart and able to see through meng yao because he’s straightforward and strategic. 

“hmm” i said to myself. “how do i write the bois getting together??” after much thought i decided on “by stabbing one of them a bunch”

bits of this are still funny to me. rip meng yao sometimes you gotta be up close and personal with a hot dude’s bare sweaty chest 

also my version of “romantic and sensual” is just “doing math and deciding yeah, against your better judgement, you’re gonna smooch” because i love an overthinking murder twink

“on the bright side, the late-night guest was not jin guangshan’s type. unfortunately he was exactly meng yao’s type: nie mingjue” i can’t believe i let myself write this, bc it feels way too modern, but also the tone of this fic is just sarcastic enough that modern grouchy shit works 

ever since i discovered that camel was a delicacy in tang china i became OBSESSED with it. i nearly included it in ‘i have always loved the door’ and it makes an appearance in ‘blood in the cut’

the guan reappears!! or at least is mentioned.in case u forgot it from chapter 1 it is Definitely Not A Glass Slipper Or Anything

“i love ruining a twink’s life” i said in the author’s notes. i was not lying. my hobbies are making nie mingjue look cool and making jin guangyao suffer.

“xichen was disappointed when he didn’t see you there” “and you of course, weren’t” “on the contrary i was happy to see you” is one of the exchanges that was like. core to this fic. similar to “i met someone” “i don’t know what you want me to say to that” “neither do i”

when outlining fics i tend to include some key dialogue/exchanges that strike me as the Mood TM and half the time these exchanges go through incredible rewrites or just get deleted, but it’s always nice to see them survive

the xiangqi was so much fun to write, not bc i have played the game a bunch (i haven’t) but bc it gave me a fun way to talk about the conversation without talking about the conversation.

“a controlled leak qould have been very useful” makes me so happy it’s such a MOOD and nie mingjue immediately going heart-eyes over it is complete wish fulfillment. when will a hot sword lesbian be enamored over my ruthless scheming???? im taking sword lesbian gf applications over in my ask box

“But it hadn’t been easy” this paragraph originally included “Nie Mingjue had broadened his moral compass, and Meng Yao had learned to trust” or something but i couldn’t  really figure out how meng yao would describe his own personal growth since he left qinghe. like he DID grow he DID learn that he can trust the people he loves to trust him and that it’s worth bringing people in on your schemes and plans.... but he’s too dumb to describe this. 

the xiyao troll’s comment on this was “LMFAO that oocness from both meng yao and nmj where nmj is suddenly JGY levels of cunning and JGY is dumb enough to make mistakes XD”

this has stuck with me so hard

how do you read Falling in Love with Love and only discover after 16k words that i think meng yao makes mistakes?????

how do u consume any adaptation of mdzs and think that nmj isn’t smart enough to go “huh that cunning twink who is absolutely mooning over me and xichen and also plays weiqi like my old buddy seems REAL FUCKING FAMILIAR” nmj canonically sees thru jgy machinations all the time

anyway i love nmj and the xiyao troll

did you know there’s an exchange to celebrate the troll’s works??? i discovered it after signups closed but im going to enjoy reading all of them

ch 10: and with very little trouble

this took me like a month to write oops but that’s just because a lot has to happen

the opening where meng yao is being mean to qin su was so hard to write. meng yao getting overworked?? fine. meng yao getting abused??? cool. meng yao being slightly short with his sister, who is in no way hurt by this bc she can tell it’s not about her??? HORRIBLE!!!

the detective scene happened. there’s not a lot to say about it, i don’t think, except to note that han meilin did try to stand up for qin su

ch 11: impossible things are happening every day

cinderella time mother fuckers!!! this is another one that took time!!

ch 10 took time bc i wasn’t 100% sure how it would play out

this took time bc even though i knew exactly what would happen and how, it has to be Real Good, y’know? it’s tying up the entire fic. if these 2k words don’t work, then the rest of the fic will feel less good and ppl won’t come back to it

(please everyone come back to this over and over if only to laugh at my obvious qin su agenda)

qin su and meng yao fighting over who gets to take the fall for their joint murder. i love them.

i wasn’t planning for this fic to start the sunshot campaign but here we are. in the war. 

How did this version of the sunshot campaign go? Well. not good. because someone has no reason to invent necromancy. But not as poorly as you’d think. Jiang Sect isn’t destroyed, and the Cloud Recesses are functional (although not at full capacity), so they have more strength on hand. Plus, Meng Yao encouraged Koi Tower to funnel money and resources into the Qin Sect, specifically so if the war started before he expected it to (whoops!!! it did!!!!), those resources would be somewhere he could encourage to fight. 

on the one hand, the sunshot campaign’s territory is divided in half by the wens. on the other hand, that means the wens are fighting on both the northern and southern border (since, again, jiang sect is still alive)

anyway i’d say it’s a more steady war, as opposed to my recollection of canon where like. everyone’s fucking miserable until our sexy goth boi comes out with his corpses and wrecks shop. 

then han meilin and qin su look at their families and say “if you do not let us marry right now in a way that combines our sects equally...... we will just do it anyway.” 

(meng yao in the background, holding a thin knife: fucking try me. try me. i want you to be mean to my sister just so i can stab you with my knives.)

anyway it’s time for the epilogue where meng yao is vice general and there is no more wen sect

(have i thought about the dafan wens in this ‘verse? no. i probably should not, either, as wwx would be less ride-or-die for them and that means maybe wen qing and wen ning would die in a war camp)

never mind!!! happy thoughts only!!!! like how qin su and meng yao are getting ready to kill again bc they are the bi crime sibling club!!!! 

jin zixuan is invited to family brunch but he’s never invited to bi crime sibling club because qin su and meng yao refuse to let him lose his innocence. 

“ge, jie, i’m married with children, i don’t have any innocence to lose--” “oh didi, precious baby, our infant brother, shining beacon of our heart...”

mo xuanyu is also forbidden from joining bi crime club. he’s too baby. 

they do discover other jin bastards and invite them to lunch and sure, there might eventually be another bi criminal.

3zun visits each other in 2 month chunks, with one to two month breaks as needed. so the epilogue is the beginning of 2 months hanging out in meng yao’s house, and then later in the year they’ll hang out in the cloud recesses or whatever

qin su and meng yao both have secret lists of places to acquire babies for each other. han meilin knows about both of these lists and laughs every time she sees the same orphanages on both lists.

the final comment from the xiyao troll on this was: “Interesting choice to write a bland ooc AU, but I guess this is all you can manage with your writing skill. ;) This way you don't have to worry about JGY lying to Xichen for years, murdering NMJ, attempting to murder Xichen's family in the second siege, stealing secrets from the Lan sect, corrupting a healing song Xichen trusted him with, and fully betraying LXC's and NMJ's trust.”

like. yeah. of course i sidestepped the bad things. that’s what a fix-it au is for. it’s where i say “here’s an alternate universe, where certain bad things do not happen.” it’s where i say “if meng yao had always had qin su around to counteract the messaging his mother gave him, he might not have gone so far in his quest for power”. duh. 

also like kiddo, troll, friend. the pitch for this fic is “cinderella except with murder and qin su rights”. i’ve been clear from the top that this is an Indulgent Fic with No Pretenses of Quality. im proud of some sentences and passages, but this ain’t Blood In The Cut where im tryna Say something or either of my jiang cheng-centric fics where im focusing on good characterization. 

it’s a cozy murder where qin su gets to live and have a cool wife

[survivekohsai]

Episode 5 - I Just Want To Go Chill On The Beach With My Friends ~ Quillynn

THIS TRIBE IS FUCKING UGLY OH MY GOD  IM GONNA SCREAM. *screams* dana Im going to kill you and yes I blame dana for everything. Anyone, putting me on a tribe IN THE MINORITY  and on a tribe with ryan of all people... well might as well just dig my grave now. Like rest in peace regan. May 28th, 1998- October 2nd 2017 rip

I'm glad this is happening. We have the comp beasts besides Regan on our side, AND we also have Akito. So it's tit for tat. Hopefully we can have some Yala tribe alliance going. However, I like Jackson. He's seems really nice. Also Jordan can go because he hates us all so bye. And why did Ry block Akito? I now love that they mutinied.

wow i mutiny'd, blocked this whole tribe, didn't use my idol and still stayed during tribal. lol 

So I talked big during the voting confessionals. AND GUESS WHO JOINS!!! Bryce... AINT THAT NICE but tbh i talk big yet i cant help myself but now I have to lie about certain people because i need to build trust and relationships.

I swear to god if they send Jordan Means to Exile im quitting because people should want him gone ASAP!!!! He's a target in everyone's radar and if he makes it to the end like god almighty it's like Drew All over again.

*clap* I hope we win!

Okay havent done one of these since the swap but here goes. I am not happy with this swap because even tho i have raf as an ally im not really liking not being with richie and regan seeing as how they actually do well in challenges. Luckily the other tribe still has a bunch of inactives but regan and richie have shown in the past that they can solo carry a chalenge so im worried. Especially since trixie wanted to go to exile and then wouldnt let us send regan. i was away at the time and it sucks because i really think we should have sent regan or richie so they couldnt compete instead of quinlynn who idk if they are really playing. Luckily the challenge is something im not bad at so maybe I'll do well. Plus we did  win reward by a landslide so maybe the other tribe will bring regan and richie down. speaking of the reward i think some people like erased their names last minute which is sus but w/e!! We still won. But im looking to make something with jackson and raf because i like them both and maybe rtp but i feel like raf and him wont work together idk?

Im going to miss kelsey and linus but fuck regan and jordan lol! I don’t even care game wise i just want to go chill on the beach with my friends~

The curse is broken!!!! Final 13 and possible Merge is coming!!

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my fifth confessional.

I'm not going to to tribal!! Thanks to a tribe swap that basically gutted old Rayong (leaving only me and Akito left), new Rayong won reward AND immunity and THEN we gained Quillynn from a mutiny! this is the best shit ever because now Ryan and Jordan (who i don't want to play with) are stuck on a losing tribe with Regan (who I've heard can be temperamental) and it's going to drive them up the wall. Hopefully Jordan's wasted idol play will come back to bite him and he'll get voted out because I would still prefer that Kelsey and Linus survive. Anyway I've gotten to know pretty much everyone on the new tribe except for Eric and Ryan T., who seem nice but haven't really been responsive to me except for in the group chat. If we lose, I'd kinda like to see one of them go but to be honest I'd be fine with riding a series of wins until the merge. Okay bye I'm procrastinating too much

i hate..... everything i was on a tribe that didnt lose a single challenge, i didnt have any 1 on 1 private conversations or relationships with anyone on the tribe but we all got along well and had worked well as a group so i was satisfied.... then yall swap and now im on a tribe of 7 where 5 of the people were from the flop tribe so not only am i in the minority but i'm in the minority where the majority was on a tribe that couldnt win a challenge to save their lives so unsurprisingly we lost this immunity and now its time for tribal with people who ive never talked to :) :) :) quillynn mutinied so thats one less person to have to worry about but still it could easily be a 4 vs 2 vote and the 1 person from my original tribe is regan who i love dearly shes truly one of the most iconic people of all time but in my list of people who are reliable game strategists i can count on to come up with plans and bounce ideas off of shes not necessarily someone i can do that with...... i did talk to Ryan a little bc we were on the same starting tribe before he mutinied so i got some light tea from him regarding the dynamics of the other tribe and he said that the alliances on the pther side were a 5 person alliance of akito, Jackson, quillynn, Kelsey and linus versus tyler, isaac and jordan.... tyler and isaac are gone so jordan stands alone from that minority group + its kinda weird that quillyn mutinied onto a tribe where original yala has the numbers especially since she was on a tribe with linus and kelsey who ryan said she was in an alliance with????  but maybe shes closer to akito and jackson + the other tribe is full of the people who kept winning challenges so idk but regardless idk whats going to go down for this vote but im annoyed that im on a tribe with a bunch of people who suck and im miserable

I AM A CHALLENGE GOD!! NO MATTER WHAT TRIBE IM ON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE BET EVERYONE WANTS TO BE ME HUH. jk omg im so glad to be on this tribe thats winning. people joining this tribe? not cool.... hope Q is nice tho. I feel like jackson is a threat tbh but like im gonna idol myself and vote him when we lose so watch out

I don't even know what to say. Tribe swap, sure, now that Akito and Jackson are both gone, I'm stuck with an angry Jordan, an unsure Linus, Quill who's just...THERE and these new people. Richie seems very close to me and I do feel confident talking with him and then there's Regan...girl. I feel very shaky around Regan. She's hit or miss, and when she misses, she misses pretty badly...but eh, I'll work with what I've got. Now, going into the tribal, it would be spectacularly easy to vote out Quill because of her absences but I'm the LAST person to judge on that area so...it's hard. Now that Jordan is rather distant from me, I could easily vote him out but I really do want to be in the end of the game with him and I want us to do as swell as possible. Out of everyone...I don't know. I'd rather vote for Ryan. But GOD. I have been to FIVE. BLOODY. ELIMINATIONS. IN A ROW. Geez LOUISE, I hate that this is happening. Girl, I'll do whatever it takes to get the crown, don't get me wrong...but WHY is this HAPPENING?!? I can't keep doing this...I really can't. My tribe has GOT to pull it together. It's testing me, I'm really ready to just go off on everyone for their lack of trying. I know that I TURNED this last immunity out so...WHAT'S the tea??? I just hope that I will just get a week to SIT and RELAX with these people. Because currently, there's no time to talk about life, we have to cut hookers WEEK after WEEK and it's...tiring. Girl, I can't even tell you where I'm going this week. Hopefully, straight back to camp. Let's give it everything we got.... *sigh* And THAT'S all there is to it~! W-We've got to win eventually...right? -Kelsey V Mikaelson

I am glad we won the challenge because honestly, I didn't really know my position in the tribe and whether or not I could be a target. Everyone seems so social and I wouldn't be surprised that most of them are in alliances without me.

I am happy Quillynn is back with us? But also I feel like I have to stick with Jackson's Alliance... despite me wanting to make moves but looking at how this game goes on forward. Trixie/Regan alliance is far more powerful then us. So if Linus and Kelsey are still here to the end, I may have to betray Quillynn and Jackson at that time. I hope I can make it through. 

hi im happy to be on a tribe with jackson and quil. boba tea + fish has arrived!!

So what the fuck do i even have to talk about...havent lost a fucking challenge yet which is awesome...and now ppl are mutinying to us...its getting interesting...im still being the old gramps and no one is even talking to me...but we will see how this goes lmfao

I hope these people vote me out because I don't like them and I threw the challenge because I don't like them.

Here's your confessional stop blowing up my inbox!!

Voting Confessionals

Meh whatever, I vote for Jordan

Kelsey was medevaced