#bc well that has simply not been my experience <3 have u considered maybe he just doesnt like u and wants u to tpk <3

[rosykims]

lvl8 assassin astarion just casually dealing 72 dmg to yurgir in a sneak attack. its actually so embarrassing for the rest of this party who are managing 40 dmg on an exceptional day 😐

[2-wuv]

Pls info dump about your system. I saw in your tag that you want to so consider this a free pass to do so I want to know all that ya want to share

HI!!!! SORRY YOUSENT THIS LIEK A WEEK AGO WE WERE WAITING 4 WHEN WE JAD ENOUGH ENERGY 2 INFODUMP JSISJDJFFNDJD OK OK UNDER THE CUT

WE ACTUALLY. ... DONT KNOW WEHRE 2 start Uhhhmmmm. hmmmm. OH MAYBE THE HEADSPACE!

ok SO the headspace changes DRASTICALLY like every few months or few weeks or so. Just a week ago it was a copy of the house we currently live in. We like,,, grew up in this house so it was Also our headspace for years as a kid and we had the vibe tht it was. The exact headspace frlm back then too bUT WE never did get to find out bc it changed AGAIN like a few days ago. smh. Now i think we're just above & outside of The Cave™™™™™ tht was discovered here earlier this year. WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING COOL! BECAUSE THAT MEANS:

The headspace survived the nuclear winter!!*

HOYL SHIT WE'RE IN THE MAIN HEADSPACE AGAIN LET'S GOOOOO <= has been stuck in Harry's headspace for the past half yearIEJFKDKFMC

[*Sometimes it just fucking gets Destroyed. Like... Semi permanently. As in, if it gets destroyed there is Very Little Chance we'll see that variation of our headspace AgainFHDJDKFKFJ and last we uhhjj Talked to anyone in the Main System, bc we are... TECHNICALLY A SUBSYSTEM! FJDJFJ, they were like Yeah no everything is fucking Destroyed <3. But that's not the case snymore ig???????]

SO w all this information actually if we rlly wanted we could probably make a decent map of the area. cuz if We jave this headspace back then we have Everythingggg it had in it back too & everything that it was connected to THAT'S NEAT WE MIGHT DO THAT!!

uhhjjj waht else. HMMM. i thuink our current front roster is neat TBH there's some guys active rn that we'd have never expected. like HI PHYS! WYD WHY R U HERE RN <3 QJAIWOSKSKDNCXN but it's fun !!!! i hope everyone innn our subsystem will fromt here at lEast once bc I Am Lov Collecting Informatión On Everyone <= Primarily fills out everyone's PK & Simply Plural descriptions. actually I think maybe everyone has fronted a sufficiently long enough time EXCEPT FOR HAND/EYE LIKE S I R GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TELL ME ABT YOURSELF BASTARD !! GJCJCKCKF all ik abt him is that He enjoys making Pokeblocks On Pokefarm. that is IT and that's NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION MY GUY but anyways.

i also think us Existing Here is so funny in itself like our asses rlly just got Possibly permanently isekai'd huh. like. like. Genuinely I don't know if our past mains r coming back at this point but that's FINE we already did the whole 96 stages of grief shit about it IF that be the case then SO be it Whatever there's pros to this life ig. like THIS body isn't on the verge of SUDDENLY DYING FOR NO REASON and also We have a cat. we have a cat!!!!! and a dog!!!!!! whaddahell!!!!!!!

there's lotsa fun shit here But there r also the Horrors. Like I PERSONALLY WOULD LOOVE TO EXIST with Out the Constant Paranoia And Delusions but IT *IS* PREFERABLE! OVER WHSTEVER THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH HARRY <3 AJSJDJF

I will say tho. When we uhhhhhhh All popped in & all we Just assumed we'd be Gone & dormant MONTHS AGO but ummmm . well. apparently not! sO the things we wanted 2 Experience have a High probability Of Happening,! Like PT is excited for Halloween and UNLESS those pirate fucks completely take over the roster within the next like week [0f.md s2 on the 5th babey!!! holy shit!!] then it's. Probably gonna happwn!!! which is so cool we don't actually... hey did Halloween exist in (source game)

man and speaking of. Memories Of The Past as we call source memories. It's a collective sys-wide trait thing All our fictives from aNY source rlly enjoy piecing together what they remember from their canons & all It's like enrichment for us. BUT we've been kinda piecing together a rough timeline of when We all formed in our canon That's our biggest Thought Project™ rn. No estimated time 4 when it'll be Complete tho probs never tbh. and w that in mind u may or may not believe who harry's first sysmate was According 2 what we've put togetherJTJEDKFKDJS

ok that's liek 5 trillion words Whoops. we r so talkatives <3 I am going to stop there it's like 5 am JFJDDKCKF we gotta go back to bedddd -E-Chem

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[rucow]

massive nerevoryn hcs, beware

I have nerevoryn brainworms that torment me day and night, so I answered this ask game under the cut (I did this for myself not for anyone else, pls be nice and ignore it if u don’t like something you see here!)

(A lil clarification: I headcanon Voryn as nonbinary and I use they/them pronouns for them, also they’re ace and afab in my hc, pls look away if that makes u uncomfy) • How did they first meet? They met when Nerevar was hopping from House to House to ask to be supported as Hortator, he just kinda showed up at Voryn's home outta nowhere and was met with 38237 identical serious Dagoth siblings. I can’t think about it without laughing dgsfh

• What was their first impression of each other? Voryn thought Nerevar a fool at first, for coming all the way to Kogoruhn just to ask for political support and to justify /why/ he should be politically supported However, Voryn saw almost instantly that Nerevar was genuine and driven and had strong ambitions for Resdayn, and they ended up agreeing on a lot of things. Meanwhile, Nerevar's first impression of Voryn was...kinda non-existent? He didn't pay much attention to them and didn't differentiate much between Voryn and their siblings. They were all just a bunch of polite goths to him, so he liked them from the beginning 😹

• Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Voryn's family was neutral and maybe a lil cautious, but ultimately didn't interfere at all and they quickly accepted Nerevar as part of their family Nerevar has no family, though I consider Vivec to be his family in some way. But no, Vivec didn't really want them to get together :') (he didn't like Voryn very much in the beginning, he thought they're boring, too serious, and has no sense of humor LOL but he warms up to them after a while.. he won’t stop messing with them tho, bc they’re rly easy to tease and that’s fun) • Who felt romantic feelings first? Voryn did. Nerevar's feelings only started ages later, he's not really the type to sit down and analyze/reflect on his feelings, so he didn't realize he had romantic feelings until they hit him full force LOL • Did either of them try to resist their feelings? Voryn tried, but gave up and opted for hiding their feelings instead of suppressing them 😔 • If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? They would believe it. Nerevar wouldn't immediately assume it means "romantic soulmate" though, he already sees Voryn as a very close friend so the news that they're soulmates makes perfect sense to him. On the other hand, Voryn wouldn't be surprised to find out they're soulmates, but they'd feel like it's a cruel thing to do to them both, since they can't be together openly and in the way that they want to be. It would be heartbreaking to them :’/ • What would their lives be like if they had never met? Voryn's life would've remained quiet and uneventful, most likely. And they wouldn’t have ended up the way they did in canon.  Nerevar is an unpredictable mystery though so I have no idea, maybe he'd go down a different path and take some impulsive bad decisions in his life 🤔 oh wait he already does that nvm • Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? Nerevar initiated it. Voryn has had feelings for him for a very long time, but at first they didn't want to be in a relationship with Nerevar due to how complicated it would be, but yeah...they couldn't ignore their heart's call, and definitely couldn't refuse Nerevar when he started returning the feelings :') • Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like? YEAH!! I have no idea though! It would've been secret but very nice and romantic :'D • What was their first kiss like? It was intimate, and heavy. It was packed full of years of suppressed feelings and wishes. Voryn may have teared up a bit lmao • Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)? Nerevar has already had relationships (though nothing long-term) and has had...experience with ppl, in all meanings Nerevar WAS Voryn's first everything though! Mainly because Voryn has never had much interest in ppl before, and just the thought of kissing grosses them out, unless it’s with the right person ofc uwu • What’s their height difference? Age difference? Nerevar is 6'1 and Voryn is 5′6-5'7, they're the same age though! • What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Nerevar likes the dagoths. They don’t pry into his business (ahem, affair*) with Voryn and they always welcome him to Kogoruhn with no problem (aka they tolerate his out-of-nowhere appearances and occassional odd behavior). He finds it a bit unsettling that Voryn has so many siblings but he doesn’t question it. Voryn tries to get along with Vivec, even tho the younger makes it difficult. Voryn is an older sibling, so they have the patience to deal with a younger moodier mer who’s hellbent on disliking them for no reason LOL • Who takes the lead in social situations? Nerevar does, Voryn is really awkward at socializing and hates doing it too 😹 • Who gets jealous easier? They both do, but their jealousy manifests in different ways. Nerevar is much more vocal/open about it. Voryn doesn't give him any reasons to be jealous tho, at least not on purpose 🤧 • Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear? UHH neither of them does 😳 ...unless they've been drinking, then they both do it fjdhsn (Voryn won’t say anything explicit tho, just rly cheesy declarations of love or something SOBS) • Who said “I love you” first? Voryn said it first, but only after Nerevar had already confessed his feelings :’) they needed to be sure they wouldn’t get rejected bc that would just break their heart tbh • Who uses cheesy pick-up lines? Both do, but they mean it in all seriousness, and they believe every word the other says. • How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? PDA is a big no-no for obvious reasons, unless it's only around trustworthy ppl like Alandro Sul and Voryn's family. Yes, Alan my boi is chill with all of this hehe • Who initiates kisses? Nerevar. He's very touchy uwu • Who’s the big and little spoon? Nere's the big spoon, usually. Voryn's like...a stick...though they can get clingy in their sleep /sobs • What are their favorite things to do together? Having time to spend together is rare for them, so they treasure every little moment they have. They both prefer spending time completely alone with one another, somewhere far and secluded where they can’t see or hear any other people. Nerevar needs moments of quietness to recharge after dealing with so many ppl in his daily affairs, so he really appreciates Voryn’s company bc their energy is very calming and they’re just quiet and pleasant in general.... they’re the type to sit in comfortable silence and just lean on one another as the world fades around them :’) • Who’s better at comforting the other? They know each other very well, so they're both amazing at comforting each other, except it's a lot easier for Voryn to comfort Nerevar solely because Voryn isn't as open about their emotions as he is, and doesn't want to worry Nerevar with anything, so they keep their emotions/pain private much more than Nerevar does. Nere's more open about things that bother him and spills his soul out to Voryn often lol • Who’s more protective? Oh gosh they are both overprotective of one another, they live dangerous lives after all. However, Voryn's the type to get physically sick by worrying over Nerevar's well-being... Nerevar doesn't handle it any better tho, he would become very spooky and destructive if anything happened to Voryn 👀 • Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Nerevar prefers verbal affection from Voryn, because he knows Voryn’s words are always truthful. Voryn prefers physical affection from Nerevar though, because they know he uses verbal affection with a lot of people, so the physical kind feels more personal and genuine to them u_u • What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise? ... I must warn u. my taste in music is maybe TOO happy/sappy for these two, but anyway.. here u go (all these songs are from Voryn’s POV): 1. the lyrics and overall aesthetic and feel of this song.. it suits them in my hc a lot :’( 2. by the same singer, this song HHNGN the lyrics just make me think of how voryn sees nerevar 3. something even more light-hearted... sorry there’s no eng subs but trust me the lyrics are beautiful, the bridge especially makes me cry it’s so pretty.. and 「美しい心を持っている、ずっとこの海よりも深い」 😭 BASICALLY ANY LOVE SONGS MAKE ME THINK OF THEM 😭😭 • Who remembers the little things? Voryn's memory is impeccable. Nerevar is kinda airheaded, he doesn't remember things consciously but he remembers them in his heart • If they get married, who proposes? Voryn does! Though it's not a typical proposal, because their relationship isn't typical either. They simply propose that they both should undergo a ritual to bring them (more specifically, their souls) closer together... It’s the same ritual that Voryn’s mother did to their father, and they learned it from her before she disappeared/passed • What’s the wedding like? Who attends? It's a secret one, so no one attends it besides the two. It's not a wedding though, it's more like a romantic ritual conducted by Voryn themself, where they link their souls/hearts together :') it happens at nighttime in a secluded place, probably a cave with an open sky... somewhere in nature far away from any civilization • How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like? They have one very rambunctious but sweet daughter! She inherits a LOT of Nerevar’s looks and personality, even his ideals and stuff (once she grows up) • Do they have any pets? Nerevar doesn't have any, but he loves animals. Voryn's home has plenty of domestic animals/creatures though, much to Nerevar's joy 👌 (yes I hc the dagoths to be farmers bc I love the thought of a goth farm) • Who’s the stricter parent? Voryn. Though they're still very mild, just. more cautious about parenting than Nerevar is?? And unlike him, they actually teach their kid manners djfnsf • Who kills the bugs in the house? VORYN. They have no fear of bugs and actually know how to handle them really well! • How do they celebrate holidays? Not together :'( </3 • Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning? Voryn. Nerevar's an early morning person, while Voryn just wants to be lazy and stay in bed until noon. Voryn has sleepy b* disease • Who’s the better cook? Dare I say both??? >:)c Voryn likes baking more than cooking though, so when they have the time for it, they like treating Nerevar with sweets u_u✨ Nerevar doesn’t really have a sweet tooth though, he’ll just engulf anything that Voryn or their family cooks LOL

[reversecreek]

hi it’s me... clicks across the linoleum of the dash wearing high heels w a spray tan like i’m a member of jersey shore suddenly..... best summary of willa is that she got moira rose as her #1 chara on a What Character Are You Most Like personality test out of thousands of options.... says so much. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here 😋 like this or hmu fr plots!!

* ashley moore, cis female + she/her  | you know willa deneurve, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, most of her life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to watch me by the pom poms like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole sticking gold stars over old polaroids until you can barely see faces, dressing as marie antoinette at your high school prom & delivering fake laughter to a bratz doll you’re pretending is a talkshow host thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is august 1st, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

willa ws born to honestly like….. the perfect family not to honk my own tit bt……………. they were jst rly quite wholesome. her mum celeste was this larger than life person who could never b contained by the four walls of any room she was in. she hd the presence of a gold glitter chess piece on an otherwise mundane wooden board. her dad marlon used to always joke that he had absolutely NO idea how he landed her bc he was just this like. rly average guy by all accounts n purposes….. blended into the sea in high skl……. had a few close friends but was never rly Notable or made a proper impression anywhere…… he always retold it as him coasting thru life until he met her in college. kind of like he’d been half awake before. they just Clicked n no-one cld believe she’d chosen him bt she was jst. completely head over heels n didn’t care what anyone had to say bc that was That

willa always very much took after celeste…… there’s this one quote i remember reading that goes vaguely like “my mom and i would sit and listen to leonard cohen and joni mitchell lyrics together. from a young age i remember her being like "i’m playing this song and when it’s done i want u to tell me what’s happening in it” n she would give me a fake glass of wine when i was 8 and i would listen and b like. i think there was an affair.” which so much summarises their dynamic…… she ws just so like. dramatic n fun n always encouraged that in willa too. her mum was like. everything she aspired to be…… got scouted by a modelling agency in college n shot one campaign before blowing it off simply bc she was bored. starred lead in a play. spent a few weeks travelling asia selling handmade candles shaped like koi fish or curled up foxes or elegantly stretched hands. dated a parisian movie star during a break she and her father took n was featured in tabloids on his arm at the premiere. sm fun n exotic stories willa literally cldn’t get enough. whenever she’d tell them to willa as a kid her dad wld roll his eyes like ohhhhh here she goes again but it’d all b playful n he’d smile bc he honestly cldn’t get enough either. the stuff dreams are made of luv (lizzie mcguire stans rise)

(car accident & death tw) so u know when ur walking down a flight of stairs n then out of nowhere u miss a step n u get that lurch in ur stomach like ur in free fall? yeah. i won’t go into it too much but one night they were driving back from getting frozen yogurt and then suddenly they weren’t. she doesn’t rly remember much about it except for completely ignoring the doctors trying to give her the news and just saying “dad chose pecan. who chooses pecan?” n repeating that over n over n over until it didn’t rly register in her ears as english any more.

willa was uprooted from irving at 11 to go n live w her aunt in NY. this was like. a huge adjustment honestly….. her aunt blanche hd always been a little unconventional bt extremely glamorous. she lived in an old defunct theatre she’d bought out n came from a lot of money. willa’s mum’s side of the family hd always been well off bt celeste opted to live a little more Ordinarily shall we say after settling whereas blanche ws jst balls to the walls dripping w eccentric excess…. wld say she was never naked bc she ws always wearing black opium by yves saint laurent…… probably the living embodiment of la vie boheme….. she’d been admitted a yr early to a rly prestigious parisian design school n is an AMAZING seamstress. a corset she stitched a broadway star into got commissioned fr an actress’ red carpet walk at an indie film festival. rly just lived such a life rich w lots of stories n lots of talent too…… had that star quality essence tht her mum had n that was smthn willa found quite comforting everything considered.

(grief tw) u would think maybe a situation like this (one involving so much sudden change) wld cause a kid of tht age to withdraw into her shell bt willa only came out of her shell MORE. she coped w her situation by spinning it into a celebrity origin story inside her head. the tear jerker tale someone tells during their x factor audition to get the judges rooting for them. mentally streamlining things. repackaging all that hurt as a surefire ticket to success bc it had to be useful for something right? there had to b a point to it right? willa decided the point was she’s a star. KFHSGKFHGFKHGKJSFHG. get it girl….. she ws literally just like ok well clearly i’m destined to be famous n i’m the main character of this story. this story called earth. it’s all about me.

rly heavily immersed herself in her high skl theatre scene……. loved experimenting w fashion n literally wore the most outlandish things like. she treated the hallways like her milan f/w debut every new school yr…… a lot of the things she wore were actual like. costumes frm her aunt’s collection…… she has a multi-story closet u have to climb ladders to reach things in like a very rustic library…. it rly wasn’t uncommon for willa to turn up one day corsetted like a pirate with billowing sleeves or sporting the baby blue gingham of a swedish milk maid. it’s like she literally jst…… became a role. always. every day. the world ws her stage. the cameras were always rolling. her aunt only encouraged this tbh n honestly? icon. we love to see it. willa partied a bunch n rly lived a lax lifestyle where responsibility was concerned…. her aunt ws her best friend…… made rly gd friends with performers in the drag club scene n loved the glitz of that….. lots of wild nights turned grossly bright mornings

snagged an agent fresh into her first yr of college (she gt accepted to a pretty competitive theatre program at [redacted] in NY bc i haven’t looked into what that wld be yet <3 i’m merely a helpless british lass <3) n booked a few commercials n things….. when i say willa wld enter audition rooms like she owned the place i’m rly not exaggerating…. once she turned up to a casting call for MEN n just walked right to the front of the line scraping a random chair along the way n then took a seat w her legs crossed popping a bubble in her gum as they all glared at her like wtf is literally going on who are u. she received several complaints n she was just like “ur all acting so jealous of me….”

i feel like she got a pretty big role in a theatre production in her last yr at school. haven’t decided what yet. maybe smthn rocky horror or even mimi in rent. this was meant to b some like huge moment for willa like yes girl finally making it ur on ur way this is what u wanted n she WAS happy abt it but once it was wrapped she jst had this strange like Huh feeling in her chest……. n a la celeste w all her exciting stories was just like well i’ve done that so what’s next? i think she’d graduate n then jst suddenly decide to move to irving in a fit of impulse. to all her college friends she’d be like “ugh a beach retreat is so necessary honestly the city is sooooooooo toxic this place cld literally enlarge my pores if i wasn’t so rigorous with my skincare routine” bt like 🤔 what u seeking girl? results pending.

SO basically i feel like she finally moved back to irving little over a yr ago. she hd a brief stint starring on a reality tv show tht filmed in one of the larger beach houses where her dog gained a handful of fan accounts dedicated to him……. u maybe will see why in the first bullet point of her personality section………… FKGHKSHFGGKFSHKHG. honestly she ws received pretty well too (mostly bc she’s so fking dramatic n like a caricature of a person) bt it wasn’t anything to warrant actual Fame (despite what willa herself might think). she’s mostly jst like. chilling honestly. accepting scripts n flying out fr auditions still. she’ll nab the occasional part bt she’s looking for that One Thing that rly feels like her big moment….. otherwise i cn just imagine her treating irving like a little dollhouse compared to the roaring mansion of NYC n having fun playing around in it. strikes a pose w a hand on my hip…. and now to personality.

PERSONALITY:

got a very large n lithe greyhound n named him marlene dietrich bc she was a black n white hollywood starlet famously known for her affairs n “bedroom eyes”. willa was like ugh. icon status instantly. didn’t rly foresee the responsibilities tht came w owning a dog tht loves exercise n complains abt him being like “ugh he wants to run soooooooooo much 🙄 like where are u literally going”. having said tht loves him dearly n he can often be seen wearing little clothes. a baby’s bonnet. a quilted leather waistcoat. a custom dog boa. he’s very glamorous. willa calls him a gay icon despite no evidence to support this theory. she also says he can sniff out evil in ppl so she brings him sometimes when she’s first introduced to a friend’s new bf n if his nose quivers a certain way she’s like “marlene has spoken. it’s done”. her friends r like omg? what’s done? willa gets up n walks away without elaborating. marlene’s little paws clicking along the floor w attitude.

literally dressed as marie antoinette for her high skl prom even tho there was no theme pertaining to this. jst loves the spotlight. can fake cry and WILL to get out of a parking ticket or teach someone to watch their tone or even simply for the theatrics of it all. the Most dramatic………….. rly fits being an actress like when people find out what she does it’s very like oh that makes sense.

says she doesn’t get hangovers. she’s just like “i revoked that it doesn’t happen to me”. alludes tht this is bc she’s an all powerful deity that was Chosen to be Blessed bt really she’s jst great at bouncing back n acting fine even w a blistering headache. it’s about believing the performance so much that u even convince urself.

has an extremely elevated sense of self importance bc this is kind of the equivalent of several layers of bubble wrap to cushion her frm the world. strives to b extraordinary bc ordinary honestly feels like a death sentence n there’s nothing she’d want to b seen as less. despite this weight she puts on that she rly doesn’t tend to let ppl’s opinions affect fr the most part like she’s quite firmly set in this I’m Literally The Most Gorgeous And Beautiful Angel Star Creature To Walk This Narsty Little Earth view

probably an incredibly big fan of dramatic short lived love affairs. she wants the glamour of it all. the scandal. the randomly breaking up w someone in a public place n sliding on sunglasses after delivering the words over a freshly ordered coffee (tht she’ll leave without drinking bc that’s star power babey she waits fr no man or no hot beverage)…….. has no preference gets w any n all regardless of gender……… romanticises things so they hv a better spin or story in her head n doesn’t rly take things seriously like jst has fun in her fantasy world…. she’s like ugh chuck i know u wanted to marry me but i’m a beautiful bird in a cage n u literally need to undo the latch n set me free……. the guy’s like……. my name’s chase n we’ve only been on two dates….. willa’s like…… please don’t take this so hard i can tell ur besides urself but people r starting to stare……. gets up n leaves. no-one was staring. chase is confused n honestly probably semi concerned fr her welfare.

always has to b the hottest n most glamorous person in a grocery store…. probably goes to them when she doesn’t even need anything jst holding a basket nonchalantly over her forearm glancing over at a cashier in her wizard of oz corset seamed interpretation on a dorothy dress thinking he wants me soooo bad it’s not even funny….. seduces him over the check out counter jst for him to ask her to come back to his so she can lean back scandalised n cry “IS THAT THE KIND OF WOMAN U THINK I AM, PAUL?! YOU’RE A GHASTLY LITTLE MAN, YOU ARE….” with all the gusto of a telenovela. attracts the shocked glances of all surrounding elderly.

speaks fluent french. probably on her brief stint on tht reality show i mentioned earlier was like “ugh can you believe Deneurve of this guy?” n in her head was like this catchphrase is sensational it’ll catch on fast the twittersphere is abt to implode but it didn’t become a thing except for in a small isolated community. despite this she’s like “yeah it went viral….. go figure. just another day in the life.”

honestly like a lot of fun bt also a huge handful at the same time. keeps her real Serious emotions in a locked box bt is always overflowing w melodramatics n rly giving her all at the drop of a hat where Performing is concerned. probably Loves parties n sees them as another form of production in which she wants to b the lead. rly just. loves herself. except does she? 🤔 lifts my hand up like rihanna n winks. find out next time. lucky by britney plays as i slowly disintegrate in spiderman rp…..

WANTED CONNECTIONS

unrequited flame: willa burns thru people like matches. bright n fast. honestly i feel like she struggles to take romance seriously so it cld be fun to play around with someone who’s been singed by that in the past…. mayb they hd actual feelings whereas willa was just messing around n having fun…. living la vida loca so to speak…….. we can discuss a time frame or specifics to expand upon this but. sexy angst perhaps.

those she knew from childhood: willa moved to NY at 11 n i feel like it was very sudden n soon after the accident. maybe she didn’t even say goodbye. maybe they were rly close n all of a sudden she didn’t show up to school the next day n when they rode past her house on their bike the sign said sold and that was that. honestly very dramatic of her even at a young age. we love a disappearing act. houdini who?

acting rival: honestly jst feel like this cld be funny. willa’s so dramatic she’d be like i literally want them dead they’re a despicable little gremlin fr trying to steal my spotlight. cld be as simple as having auditioned a few times fr the same parts or something.

childhood sweetheart: i think it cld be rly cute n sad if there was someone that kind of echoed the dynamic her mum n dad had except she was the celeste n they were the marlon…. (open to any gender)…….. so like. willa was always very larger than life commanding attention in a room n they were more to the sidelines but they just kind of got each other n brought out the best in one another. added angst to the fact tht willa wld maybe want to avoid them as much as possible now bc it dredges up feelings she doesn’t want to confront where her parents r concerned n also in a way any possibility of them winding up together feels like sellotaping an expiration date to both of their foreheads in willa’s brain

someone who was either a fan of or also on the reality show willa was: i imagine it like a reinvention of the hills honestly except based in these irving beach houses…. probably didn’t run that long bt there was a bunch of drama on it mostly staged…… maybe they were willa’s love interest bt it was all fake fr the cameras…… it wasn’t like. a huge deal n didn’t rly catch flight so much where popularity’s concerned bt. cld be fun to play with <3

patti frands: jogs in high knees to translate that into party friends as i adjust my spectacles. willa’s very sociable bt she’s also like kind of full of herself n obnoxious so do with that what u will. KFHGKSHGKGHFSKG. she knows hw to have a gd time tho like growing up she was rly into the gay club scene n the drag scene in NY so like. let’s hear it fr the gays who know how to do it right <3

someone equally over the top: i luv the idea of willa having someone who just like runs with made up scenarios n roles she makes up on the spot n them hanging out is like a 24/7 improv session tht they reel random surrounding strangers just fr the fun thrill

the other woman: willa is quite detached n selfish so she wld easily be the other woman in a relationship n not care about it n this cld make for good spice <3

[smalltragedy]

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out). 

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse. 

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts. 

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now. 

[charlie-minion]

charlie-minion(.)tumblr(.)com/post/635987979304943616/could-the-same-spn-finale-make-a-little-more-sense Hey Love! Thanks for such an amazing post! It was still hard for me personally to deal with it for many reasons, but when you mentioned "yeah well we gotta work around Dean dying so let’s work around Dean dying then, stay with me" i understood why u went where u went with it. I just wanted to ask your opinion/suggest/question few things if u don't mind. 1) I can see Dean's speech (1/9)

“If we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing” make sense, except in psychlogy grieving and remembering people who died is not the same as not letting go. I feel this point could be GREATLY improved if we saw some memorabilia in bunker around Cas (without Dean paying much attention to them or being sad about them (2/9)

[?Miracle running to him for cuddles with mixtape in mouth and Dean freaking out about how it’s the best dog ever cuz he loves Led Zeppelin or sth, idk I’m making it up as I go with examples, dont mind me?]) and would either see that Dean is still grieving while working on letting go (not bc he can’t let go, but because grieving is a process and IT IS HEALTHY to grieve. Too many ppl are shamed for needing time to heal(!!) while it’s actually personal and normal and we know Dean doesn’t (3/9)

just insta forget (from experience), and grieving has more to do with emotionality and less with not being able to let go). OR we could be shown in some way that more time passed and he did already get to heal from grief. That would save Dean from seeming suddenly uncaring and emotionless (especially while knowing Cas is in super hell for eternity, not just ‘dead whatever it means’, and considering Dean WAS in hell and knows it’s not ‘fun and games’) towards anyone who isn’t his brother. (4/9)

I realize episode is Sam centered, but this picks huge focus on Dean by omission. 2) I feel it doesn’t matter so much whether Sam picked phone to call as that he easily decided to give up on calling while he could still stay with Dean, listen to him and continue to make the call. That death took like 7-8 minutes of the episode. The phone should be left in the car for example, it being crushed during fight is lame and cheap, but any excuse would be better than (5/9)

“Ok I guess I’ll stop calling and let u die, don’t tell me I didn’t try”. 3) That whole “I love you so much” really hit me hard when I was watching, while I fully agree with the point you made, I feel like adding “so much” was just too passionate. As you said, he needs to say it to Sam before anyone else. "I love you, my baby brother” – second part already makes it valuable and emotional. It does no business being passionate. He is dying (for a while now) adding words that don’t (6/9)

need to be there makes viewer question “Is he rly going to die? He seems to have no problem flowering his words” and to me at least felt like going from 0 (unability to say ILY) to million which just took me from the situation totally as I was questioning if I’m watching the right show/character. It’s like if Dean went to Sam in episode 1 about finding his dad, we would be informed just how relations between Dean and John looks like, and next episode they would go for burgers (7/9)

and Dean would be like “Yeah I got bored of looking for him” and show would end… 4) Also MoTW not being from journal would make world of difference. That’s a callback that rly puts the story back to years before and Dean dying finishing his father’s job seems like a joke in rly bad taste. That’s all that crossed my mind I think. What do you think about those? Sorry for a long msg. I can try to send it via phone in one piece if you would rather. I’m really interested in your opinion on it. (8/9)

I know you were trying to fix stuff with as small changes as possible in your post, but I felt those also were just small things that would mean world to fans and story. Thank you so much for giving yself to the fandom, you’re my all time favourite writer since I remember <3 (9/9)

Hey! Sorry again, I'm the anon from yday with that long question. I just felt it was worth adding: "“Dean is focusing on the task at hand. His attitude, as Ackles puts it, is, “I’m not going to think about what I’ve lost. In turn, I’m just going to focus on what I can fix.” That leads Dean down what Ackles calls a “hopeless road.”" (it’s interview about s13). Just to point out hopelessness in stopping yself from thinking of who u lost to forcefully direct yself to the future. :D 

Hello, Nonnie! Sorry it took me so long to answer. The post you are referring to is this one: Could the same SPN finale make a little more sense with some additions/changes?

I didn’t write that as the kind of finale I would want. I did it to prove the finale could have been the same: pandering to general audience, w*ncest and destiel shippers alike, while still keeping some sort of logic regarding the build up of the story. It didn’t have to be so bad, but it was, and it looks intentionally bad, if I’m being honest. Maybe it was better that way, because it made it easier for us to simply ignore the existence of it. 

Regarding all the points you sent in your messages to me, I’m just gonna post them all together because they seem interesting, but I don’t really want to spend more time thinking about a finale that already hurt me enough. The only two posts I’ve written about the finale were for me to cope, to kinda heal and let it go. Now I just pretend it never happened. I’m glad you had some space to vent and I’m posting your messages so others can read the whole thing and maybe let comments if they want to agree or disagree, but that’s all I can do. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and the fandom as well. Everything that helps us heal is valid. *hugs*

[isadcrajade]

💀 * [ barbie ferreira + cis female + she/her ] —— have you met isadora oliveira ? they are a twenty-one year old sophomore currently studying fashion design & merchandising. they live on keating house, and word around campus is that this aries is loyal + warm, as well as self-objectifying + obsequious. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. chocolate covered strawberries, gothic platforms, lingerie under leather jackets.

hiii bbies it’s me (gabby) finally here again to post this finalized, messy version of isa’s intro! she’s a brand new never-been-played muse of mine so it’s def bound to be a bit more scattered & less developed than ezra’s, but also much shorter? so i mean there’s a bonus lmao alright here we go:

so isadora (also known by many nicknames such as isa, izzy, iz, & dora the explora if ur trying to piss her off vgbjhksjs) was definitely not brought up in a world of prestige and recognition like the one she’s become so accustomed to in attending holloway university

growing up in the small town of lisbon, maine the only reality isa knew during her childhood was that of living as the only child of a woman who was (TW) both a compulsive liar & and compulsive hoarder. their house was floor to ceiling with things her mom collected as well as garbage built up over time- her condition had already driven isa’s father out of the house when she was just three years old, and she never had a relationship with him as a result

she was still fairly young when she realized the true severity of her own situation, just how abnormal it was compared to that of her friends. she missed out on so many rights of passage during her upbringing like birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. for much of her life her own living space / bedroom were just as bad off as the rest of the house, given her mom’s inability to keep from passing her hoarding tendencies onto her daughter. isa simply didn’t know any better at the time. to her, that was normal.

not only was her mom a compulsive liar & hoarder but she was also extremely neglectful, often leaving isa to her own devices in the dangerous environment they called home. as a result of this she (TW ED) developed harmful coping mechanisms surrounding food, regularly overeating to combat negative feelings of loneliness, and this went on from the time she was just a little girl all the way until she was in high school

high school was rough in many ways- she suffered depression, anxiety, experienced bullying at the hands of the more popular kids for her weight & her mother’s financial situation, and was all around extremely isolated from her peers- the only person she really had to depend on was her cousin (WC) . she had so much respect and envy for her cousin, they had more of a sisterly dynamic than anything, she was just so gorgeous and everything she did just seemed so effortless, to the point isa couldn’t help but idolize her and consider her a best friend. 

like, remember when spongebob said he hoped that by being in squidward’s presence some of his artistic ability would rub off onto him? that was deadass isa & (WC) in high school jhbksnjs my girl was so sure if she just spent enough time with her she’d inherit some of her pretty & cool

high school was also where she reached a turning point when it came to her home environment, able to put a name to her mom’s condition after years of struggling with her strained and toxic relationship with her mom, and ultimately changed the rest of her life. she stayed the night at (WC’s) one night and after she fell asleep, isa stayed up watching TLC- it was there that she first discovered the TV show ‘hoarding: buried alive’ and realized there was a name for her mother’s infliction- but more importantly, learned that there was help available for her condition

when she went home to excitedly tell her mother that she’d basically discovered a cure, a means to change everything for them... she certainly hadn’t been expecting the reaction that came: her mom, who’d always been so indifferent toward her, so lethargic and uninterested in what she had to say, was suddenly listening very clearly- and she was not happy. isa had never heard her mom scream like that, had never really heard her express any heightened emotion, but it was in that moment at 17 years old, just a few weeks away from her 18th birthday, that she realized what she needed to do. she had no choice but to make plans to leave her mom behind.

the final weeks leading up to the big day she was counting on as a turning point consisted of her cleaning out her own space, little by little, enough that she had somewhere to set up her secondhand laptop and webcam. blowing out the candles on her 18th birthday cake came with wishing for a whole new life, and she was determined to make that for herself by any means necessary.

(TW SEX WORK) isa spent half her 18th year in her room working as a successful camgirl, showing everything but her face, & of course always being careful not to dox herself. she eventually earned enough money to start buying herself nicer clothes, but it didn’t take her long to realize she wanted more from life than just rotting away in her hometown. she bought herself a higher quality webcam to keep making money... and a nice sewing machine, something she’d always dreamed of owning. 

all her life she’d been drawing and sketching as a means of escapism, it’d always been therapeutic to her to be creative and conjure up unique designs for outfits in her mind, drawing models in all shapes and sizes to represent her fantasy outfits. but she never felt like a visionary, even though anyone with an eye for fashion who got a look at her work could see that she had the natural talent and potential to be. 

isa had been an a straight-A student her whole life despite having almost no support at home from her mother growing up, and with plenty of encouragement from (cousin WC), she plucked up the courage and applied for holloway university, with ivory falls being far enough from her hometown of lisbon, but still in the same state so that she could go and see her mother from time to time (bc although their relationship is quite strained now, she still loves and worries about her)

the next summer she received her acceptance letter at holloway u for the coming fall semester, and the fact that she’d been able to make it into such a prestigious school made her feel so proud of herself that she completely underwent a massive arc of character development; evolving into someone so much more confident. realizing that plenty of people found her desirable as she continued to earn money through cam shows had been part of that transformation, but realizing she was talented enough to get accepted into the fashion design and merchandising program at her dream school had a completely different effect on her. 

( TW BODY IMAGE ISSUES ) isa decided that as she entered college, she was no longer going to be the meek, insecure girl constantly playing the role of the doting, loyal fat best friend to the ‘prettier main characters’ she’d always been sidekick to- she told herself that she was the main fucking character in her life from here on, and has spent her entire college experience up to this point just,, navigating as she figures out what that really means to her

still has a terrible underlying tendency to be overly-loyal and a bit obsessive with girls she closely befriends, if she has any kind of jealousy towards them. but ! is a lot more confident than she used to be, and it shows in the way she dresses and carries herself, as well as in her long-term goals (to transfer to FIDM for her final years of university)

( TW ED MENTION ) as a young adult, she’s mostly she’s replaced the compulsion to deal with her body image issues by using food to cope that she had as a teenager... by using sex to cope instead, so she’s definitely a bit promiscuous but does her best to keep that Her Own business 

personality-wise she has a massive heart & is loyal to a fault but is also wild AF & loves a good time! never rly dabbled in drugs until she got to college but since then has acquired an interest in trying everything under the sun, even if it’s just one and done. mostly though she just likes to get really drunk & stupid. used to feel like she was constantly living in her cousin’s shadow, & in some ways she still does, but she’s trying hard to make herself believe that she’s reached a place where she won’t be playing second fiddle to anyone, ever again

i’m gonna shut the hell up now & stop pretending i know this character better than i do bc i deadass do not jbhnjss like she’s literally brand new so lemme go head & leave plenty of room for development!

same story as ezra i’ll have a full connections page posted for her soon but in the meantime some ideas i have are: friends, frienemies, ex friends, high school bullies, classmates, old high school friends, people she gets fuckt up with on the reg, people she hooks up with on the reg (any gender, she’s bisexual / biromantic), someone she had a crush on in high school / has pined for from afar maybe?? someone who used to watch her cam shows?? someone she almost kinda dated but Not? someone who she hooked up with while they were dating someone else?? idk that’s what i have for now but there’ll be more where that came from <3 xoxo like this or hmu !

[mieczyhale]

i mean klaus got choked by Luther and thrown and just all round disrespected, BUT he was awful to Luther (who has little to NO social skills) after finding him with the girl. I think what people most zero on this scene is Klaus saying he doesn’t remember his first time bc he was high/drunk, while ignoring Luther who also doesn’t/barely remembers HIS first time bc he was high/drunk. I actually really LOVE this scene in terms of character development (1/2)

this scene and the ‘I want to be u’ scene too, bc it shows how awful their relationship is and how reginald trained them to compete with each other and put each other down, to ‘win’ so to speak, and how the way they were treated and how they treated each other manifests in this bitterness and mockery. specially Klaus who must feel angry no one takes his struggles seriously. bc in healthy siblings dynamics they don’t treat each other that way. but..... yeah it’s awful and sad 😔 (2/2) i’d like to thank you, anon, for sending asks on this topic that have some good points and aren’t dickish. it is greatly appreciated and you are an angel <3 i’m going to try and respond and explain my feelings on this the best i can but.. no promises on quality lmfao it’s almost 3AM and i’m three (3) drinks in so IMMA DO MY BEST

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  [[just a heads up also that i am NOT re-reading this before posting. i do not have the energy for that so it’s just gonna be what it’s gonna be]] Luther (who has little to NO social skills) - I think what people most zero on this scene is Klaus saying he doesn’t remember his first time bc he was high/drunk, while ignoring Luther who also doesn’t/barely remembers HIS first time bc he was high/drunk. the thing is, and this seems to depend entirely on the perspective and personal experiences of the person watching, klaus wasn’t awful to luther. he wasn’t mocking. he was doing what siblings do - they tease. as for ignoring luther who doesn’t really remember his first time for the same reasons klaus doesn’t remember his: i dont think it was ignoring so much as it was klaus wouldn’t consider it a big deal - it wouldn’t occur to him to think of it that way - because it wasn’t for him. and even when you know that your sibling doesn’t have much for social skills, it’s probably not something that’s going to stay at the forefront of your mind and direct every interaction you have with them - especially in regards to a sibling you haven’t seen in 13 years - so it would make sense for klaus to not interact with luther in more of a way people would find acceptable. perfect sibling interactions dont happen i mean klaus got choked by Luther and thrown and just all round disrespected, BUT there is no but there - some teasing (or mocking, depending on how you see it) is nowhere near the same thing as choking someone, throwing them across a room, AND consistently being genuinely rude and disrespectful. i’m not saying klaus can’t be mean or a jackass - he absolutely can - but to say he was awful or horrible to luther ESPECIALLY post!rave is bananas.  klaus tried to cheer luther up, offered to try summoning reginald even though that’s the last thing he’s ever want to do, tried to stop luther from drinking more, tried to convince luther that drugs and alcohol weren’t the way to go, tried to stop luther from venturing out on his own, went after him when he didn’t listen - and yeah, he wanted to stop part way in because of withdrawals, but he didn’t. and it’s not just because ben tried to guilt him - ben does not control the klaus. if klaus didn’t want to keep looking for luther he wouldn’t have. so he finds him. he goes into the worst possible place for someone who is trying to get sober because his inexperienced brother is there, he tries to get luther to leave with him and while he’s struggling so horribly the whole time - because of the immediate access to drugs and the ptsd episode - he tried to protect luther and gets killed for it.  and then never brings any of this up to luther after the dude is sober. he could have - he could have been petty and cruel about it, because if luther knew i dont doubt he would feel horrible and it would weigh on him so much, both as a brother and as the leader, but klaus never did. and maybe that was because he didnt think anyone would believe him but i think part of it was not wanting to hurt luther because he knows what drugs and alcohol do to a person - he knows very fucking well - he knows the lack of control and awareness and he isnt going to hold it against luther the way we all know everyone holds everything against klaus - the things he did while mentally on another planet. AT MOST klaus teases him when he goes to wake luther up for a family meeting - in a manner that comes off silly but not - imo - cruel. simply ridiculous, as klaus often is. but he pours luther a cup of coffee and they talk about his conversation with their dad and that’s that their only other interactions after that are when klaus, diego, and five go to the bar to get luther - and that isnt even an interaction because they dont talk. and then in the car on the way to leonard’s cabin.. where they dont talk. and then at the cabin klaus has his hand on luther’s shoulder, providing a small act of comfort while also devastated because literally everyone knows luther and allison. they’re in the infirmary when allison needs blood but again - they dont talk. and then in the scene where vanya is bringing down the academy - brief, and they dont talk. and then it’s the bowling alley - where klaus tries to be honest with everyone, expresses a quiet offer of help that nobody takes seriously, and then okay yes - he snaps back at luther when luther is a dick to him. but its nothing actually cruel and he immediately tries to backtrack. after that moment the only time they talk is when luther is asking klaus if ben is in agreement on time traveling at the end of episode 10 so where in there was klaus cruel and awful and horrible?? i mean i guess those things can depend, again, on a person’s perspective and experiences - and maybe people have different takes on what those words mean (and the extent they cover) and yknow what?? gotta say - that’s valid. nobody can control how someone else takes in the show - we cant even control how we take it in ourselves. but for me this specific line of takes is absolutely noodles. do i think klaus was flawless? fuck no. i wouldnt love him so much if he was. but i dont think any of his interactions with luther can be considered horrible on his end. i dont see this awful person in those moments that apparently other people do Klaus who must feel angry no one takes his struggles seriously. this though. t h i s t h o u g h. i’m not gonna get super into it because this response is already kind of a lot BUT yes. whether klaus knows it or not, acknowledges it or not, he probably is so angry and hurt that nobody takes his struggles seriously. nobody ever has - i mean ben has followed him around for the last 13 years, has seen some of what he’s been through and has learned about the rest, and he STILL digs into klaus and acts like he doesn’t have a reason to be the way he is. if not even ben can take his trauma seriously, and he - at least pre!death - seemed to be the kindest, then how would anyone else?? they wouldn’t and It Shows. and, of course, that includes luther - who i agree, was in a way separated from the others - not physically but like.. ranking and power wise, by reginald and his constant push of luther being number one and that meaning Everything. and klaus - well we all know what reginald thought of klaus and i dont doubt he filled luther’s head with his opinions which luther would internalize as Facts - because reginald had a hold on luther that he didn’t quite have on any of the others. (i mean he totally had a hold on all of them, they’re all fucked up, but luther stayed there because reginald had him so convinced of the academy’s mission and luther’s importance to him) SO. if klaus WERE to verbally be aggressive with luther or anyone i personally would understand - why should he take other people’s trauma seriously, expend the heart and energy to care and to do what he can to cheer them up, when they can’t even take a moment to listen to him - or see what’s right in front of their eyes. i’d be fucking pissed. tbh i think klaus handles things pretty fucking well from the funeral on considering the Everyfuckingthing.  he’s sassy - yeah. he can be jackass and he has the potential to be cruel - hell yeah. but he expresses more care for each of his siblings in s1 than any of them do for him (except maybe diego) and idk, man, i have seen the first season somewhere beyond 15 times (i stopped counting) and i’ve never taken any of klaus’s words or actions towards luther to be genuinely cruel or horrible. it just doesnt read that way for me and i honestly struggle to see how people CAN see it that way.. so here i am. annoyed. but on my own tumblr bc i have no desire to @, fight, or argue with anyone over opinions but sometimes a little bastard just has to vent yknow?? yknow.

[yaboylevi]

hey vivi how are you? hopefully you’re doing good ! question in your personal opinion do you think that we stopped seeing eren’s caring side towards levi bc of what happened in RtS arc? do u think like in a way he resents? or feels betrayed by levi’s actions? i mean eren trusted levi kinda blindly i would say so maybe he felt a little deceived by levi ? anyways i’m just curious on ur thoughts on this, have a good day! :D

Okay hi, so…I got this question once in the past already and I decided to not reply for various reasons. I didn’t really feel like replying to this either, as you could guess by how long it took me to actually reply (I actually typed a full answer 3 times in these 2 months but deleted all of them aahh). But I have a question for y'all I would really love hearing an answer to: Is this a common interpretation/headcanon in the ereri fandom recently?

So, anyway… if they were real people experiencing such a development, based on MY feelings and how I’d react, I would say yes, it would be normal for Eren to have developed a sort of resentment once things calmed down a little and he thought back on how absolutely unfairly Levi treated him back then: he agreed to give Eren the serum only to take back the offer at the last moment; he basically told him to shut down his own feelings, dismissing them, when Levi himself couldn’t do the same; he lost his patience and punched him in the face with such strength that he made Eren lose half of his teeth. I understand why it happened: Levi is not emotionally mature at times, imo, and it was a charged development with important lives at stakes and they were all mentally and physically drained. But he didn’t even apologize.

Granted, no one apologized. However, Eren and Mikasa were made to feel responsible for everything that went down by a number of people (Hange, Floch, the other military in Paradis), and were punished for it. I don’t feel Levi held them responsible because I think at one point he realized he acted worse than them and also understood why they all behaved that way.

Either way, Levi never apologized, even though we could argue that Levi telling them to never regret their choice (as if they even had a say in the matter…) and ruffling their hair was a sort of double apology (i.e: I forgive you and I hope you can forgive me). If it was real life, it wouldn’t be enough, in my opinion.

So long story short, I would feel betrayed alright, if I were Eren. Because Eren has always believed Levi was the better man, someone he could count on to be fair and mature. Levi was none of those things during their altercation on the rooftop.

But if I were to look at the whole situation through the lenses of what is ACTUALLY portrayed in canon, I feel the answer to your questions is no, as it isn’t given the proper depth, for 3 reasons:

1. It seems like there were no grudges left amongst all of them. Especially in chapter 108, they all behave naturally, as they used to do before the timeskip, before the Shiganshina fiasco happened (Isayama would’ve shown it to us if it wasn’t the case). I feel there is tension only between Eren and Armin. Also, there aren’t many instances where the 104th need to rely on Levi’s mentorship as before because they aren’t at war, and international matters are in Hange’s hands so they all rely on Hange when searching for an opinion. But I would like to believe that, when Eren couldn’t see eye to eye with his friends, he consulted with Levi, because they often talked about “feelings” rather than “actions” (so it doesn’t matter if they’re at war or not in their case), they have very similar opinions and went through similar experiences in the past. But so far there’s nothing that supports this in the manga. There’s just that tiny panel of Levi saying that they’ll talk later, but I feel it was forgotten/unimportant. Anyway, no grudges mean they have all forgiven one another because they all understood the others’ actions in Serumbowl…or Isayama simply didn’t care about exploring such conflict amongst them because he had other, more important things he needed to tackle in the story, so he made all of them forgive each other off-screen, with no repercussion whatsoever on their relationships.

2. Eren and Levi barely interact during and post-timeskip, and what we see of their relationship is a shadow and/or a copy-paste of what has already happened in the past (Levi kicking Eren, Levi thinking back only to their first encounter as if everything that happened later on had no weight, Levi acting as Eren’s bodyguard, Levi thinking of Eren as hope). Nothing new, whereas Eren’s relationship with other characters has changed quite a bit.

If we consider it from Eren’s point of view, he stopped opening up to his friends after talking with Yelena, but before that, he was quite open about his opinions with both his friends and Hange and Levi. Levi, though, during these moments, felt distant, opinionless, almost like a background character. And it’s true, Eren kept secrets from his friends and comrades, but he was justified, considering the military’s and Hange’s treatment of Eren himself when it came to his titan’s powers. He always spoke his mind in every other instance. We don’t see Eren and Levi talking, because…I don’t know. But I don’t see resentment from Eren, nor from Levi. And Levi, oh, he should have a lot to talk about. Not only with Eren. With Mikasa, too, about their shared family. With Hange, about Erwin. But he’s just…there.

So the fact that two characters who used to share so much screen time together, who shared such a relationship where one of them used to guide the other, and the other used to open up to the mentor in private in the past, and who both used to play into the same themes of the story, now share close to no screentime, conversations, and themes, makes me think that it is either just to show Levi’s distance to their cause as a whole and Eren’s frustration with everyone in general, OR Isayama simply has no intention of keeping their relationship relevant anymore. And this last point brings me to number 3.

3. Isayama has dropped a significant amount of relationships or characters throughout the series, and sometimes it was very disappointing (Annie, Bertolt, Historia, Ymir, Mike come to mind). I didn’t think it could happen with the series’ most popular character and the protagonist, as they had consistent importance together throughout the whole series until the change of POV in the Marley arc (so for 80 chapters), but it may have as well happened for real.

With Levi dead or out of commission most probably until the end of the story - and so he will never meet with Eren again to have one of their usual talks - and with Eren in the middle of probably the last fight of the story where he will almost certainly die, I can see closure for Eren only in regards to his friends of the 104th. That’s also where the main focus of this whole arc has been. No closure for Levi re:most of his “bonds”. And again, in Eren’s memories in ch120, we see a shot of Levi from the Female Titan Arc, even though Eren and Levi had other relevant conversations down the road. Couple this with Levi’s flashback of an Eren from their first meeting in volume 2 (?), and I get the feeling Isayama has no intention of making them relevant to each other ever again. He decided to 1. make Levi’s character about revenge - and I’m curious to see what he will do with Levi, because he has already punished him for it so I’m waiting for a conclusion - and to emotionally separate him from the main cast, and 2. to make Eren a solo player who may have absorbed Levi’s teachings in (maybe) the wrong way, but his mentor won’t ever be there to confront him about it, because it’s not important as long as Armin, or someone else among the 104th, will act as Eren’s moral compass.

And it is kind of disappointing. It feels like wasted potential and abandoned character development. But I’m also biased about it.

–

tl;dr:

1. Eren has stopped talking to everyone in his group of friends after talking with Yelena. Levi is the one who feels the most distant in such group prior to that.

2. The fact that Eren hasn’t opened up to Levi about certain things could be: a. because we still haven’t been shown this (but I gave up on it, as new important memories were highlighted in ch120 and Levi’s not part of them); b. Eren doesn’t believe Levi has answers for him anymore or that his opinion is valid, as following the Serumbowl fiasco (but there is nothing that supports this in canon); c. Isayama just doesn’t feel their relationship is important to the story anymore.

3. My personal opinion is that Isayama just decided to take a different route with them singularly, in particular axing Levi’s character, and they will never be relevant to each other ever again.

[messrsmemoirs]

So, I’m sorry this’ll be long, but I’m v interested in your perspective on this: how do u think this series of events: the werewolf prank, coupled w Sirius leaving home the very summer after that prank - played out from Remus’s perspective? Bc the prank might’ve confirmed to Remus all fears that Sirius dehumanised him & was way more like his family than they all thought, & maybe he was partly right on both counts. [1]

But I’ve never been able to disconnect Sirius’s leaving home from this incident (we know it happened the summer after the Prank bc that’s the only summer he could’ve been @ GP when he was 16, which is when he tells Harry that he left). & I have to wonder if Sirius so definitively siding against his upbringing (which ofc meant siding against a lot of toxic ideas, but their idea of werewolves being subhuman - given how Bellatrix talks about Remus & Tonks - is included in that) [2]

played a role in Remus forgiving Sirius to whatever extent for that prank. Bc it showed that if he was more like them than he could admit, he at least did NOT want to be, he wanted to be with James, Remus and Peter instead. It’s a different mindset from having an idea about werewolves and constant conviction that your idea is right; so given that, I’m wondering how Remus would’ve responded to it.[3]

I know it’s canon Remus forgave him, but tbh I’ve always had trouble working out the exact logistics of WHY - at least w/out bringing Wolfstar into it. [4]

Right, so firstly let me apologize to you and all the askers still waiting for me and my serious lack of response. It’s not personal, and it has everything to do with me and how I’m a complete mess of a human being. I take hours writing and formulating responses to asks and because it takes so long I end up setting aside a few hours just to answer one ask, and that feels like a big stress (and what if I can’t focus blah blah) so I end up getting stressed, and then avoid it for what feels like a month and surprise, it’s been six. .. Or more. So. Uh. … Sorry. 

So anyway, digging in to the core of the post:

I think we have to begin by examining firstly Sirius’ callousness and how it relates to his background with Remus. I do think that Remus was aware that Sirius could be downright abusive if he was left alone, and I would cite the way that JKR says Sirius’ features become like a dog with a scent at the sight of Snape: Sirius is an excitable person in that it was easy for him to lose track of what he was doing. When he zeroes in on something, there is a massive capacity for escalation. If ever there was a heat-of-the-moment excuse, Sirius’ face would be pictured with it. And while I think Remus and the others were aware of this (and of course it was something that Remus dealt with as a Prefect) I think it was something that they begrudgingly accepted as a part of Sirius that they, as a group, could try and help to subvert. Of course, with James “Arrogant Toe-Rag” Potter at his side, it wasn’t always easy to do the right thing. This is why someone like Peter helped to balance the group: a second voice of reason (though one not well-respected and one which was often overlooked, to be fair, but nonetheless). That isn’t to say that Sirius is a violent sociopath or that he’s unstable, but he was clearly a reckless, head-first, and very proud sort of teenager who would certainly shoot first and ask questions later. 

It’s easy to surmise that based on Sirius’ overall character and where he comes from, he didn’t grow up to be someone with a lot of emotional maturity. I think to a teenage Sirius especially, other people’s experiences weren’t as valid as his own. Other people mattered to him, clearly, but I think it was more that only the people he loved mattered above all else. And even with those he did care about, there was somewhat of a hierarchy: James, to Sirius, was like a brother. Like blood. James was family, and if anyone ever hurt James Sirius would destroy them. I think Remus was very important to Sirius, and Peter, too. But I think outside of James there was this sort of dispensability: to Sirius, he was always waiting to be abandoned by the people he loved. He loves Remus and Peter just as he loves James, but there’s something he can’t let go of and for whatever reason he doesn’t let them as near to him as James. And as far as other people? I think Sirius was wary. Un-trusting at best, and a bit of a “get them before they get me” kind of man, which on top of his emotional immaturity allowed him to be able to hurt people like Snape and not think much of it. It didn’t matter because the people Sirius cared about were having fun, and so was he. Snape (etc) didn’t matter, not in the long run. It’s also important to remember that Sirius was raised from birth to be someone for whom other (read: lesser) people dealt with the consequences of his actions. I think this would have been tempered somewhat by living among his friends at Hogwarts for so long, but it brings us back to the thing with Snape and such and how Sirius seemed not to have a line drawn in the sand–that is, no line that was too far to cross, no act that was too reprehensible. A detention served for bullying Snape was to Sirius an annoyance to be escaped from, not a punishment. His rejection by people like Lily was their problem to deal with, not his. I would argue that there is a sense of nobility in there as well, and that Sirius didn’t come down on those he didn’t feel deserved it. But that means that regardless of his intentions Sirius could justify whatever it was he was doing, because it was for him, or more importantly, for those he loved. 

Going back to Remus, I don’t think Sirius ever did consider Remus subhuman or anything like that. I do think there was a time around their initial discovery where Sirius had to confront the ideas he’d been taught about werewolves and that he decided (likely alongside and with the help of James and Peter) that Remus was none of those things and was a normal human, and their friend. I think it was more that Sirius just didn’t think of the consequences, or what it would mean for Remus that the Prank happened at all, because Sirius wasn’t the type of person for whom consequences truly mattered and that he just never got far enough in his train of thought to really consider Remus in all of it. Remus is someone Sirius is used to seeing constantly coping–whether it’s coping with his Furry Little Problem, or coping with the things that Sirius and James do for “fun”. Sirius may have just assumed that Remus would simply cope with this, too. He’s got enough practice with people being angry at him that he’s not scared of whatever Remus will say.

In the aftermath, I don’t think Sirius actually felt bad about what he had done. I think he knew full well that he had done something wrong, but that it was easier for him to understand and deal with the fact that Remus was in a great deal of pain rather than for him to understand the why’s about wrongness. For all his emotional immaturity I think Sirius understands pain, and I think it was really the scale of that pain which drove him to be apologetic and explain his intentions–which, I would bet, sent Remus up the wall, because Sirius didn’t actually have bad intentions towards him and yet through sheer carelessness had done something horrific. 

Rather than resulting in any great insight into why Sirius is the way he is, I have a feeling it was more that what saved their relationship was that brotherly bond that they both held for one another. I do think there was this shock initially about the whole thing, where Remus would have been distraught enough to think that maybe Sirius was just like his whole family, etc. etc. But, I think Remus would have eventually come down enough to really think about who Sirius is and what he represents by rebelling against his family in the past (as he had by accepting Remus as a friend and confidant, for example). I think Remus would have (with James’ help) really reflected on Sirius as a whole person, because the significance of the incident really merited a sit-down tbh. I think Remus decided that Sirius was his friend, his brother, and that while what he had done was horrific that he could take precautions not to let it happen again and that what mattered was that Sirius’ intentions were never to hurt him. Sirius realizing that he had caused Remus a significant amount of pain (again with James’ help to deal with it) would have more than likely seen him try to restore his good graces with Remus, though attempts to justify what he had done would have made it worse. I think for SIrius, saying “I fucked up and I admit that I fucked up” were enough for Remus at a certain point, because he knew that it was the closest Sirius could come to “I did something wrong and I apologize.”Remus, ever the self-sacrificing and deeply loving soul, probably forgave Sirius out of compassion. He saw that Sirius was not deliberately trying to ruin him, but that he was also a complete idiot. I think he made the decision to forgive knowing that the hurt would never truly go away, and knowing down the road that he needed to go about things differently after what happened. I think James was also a big buffer between their animosity as well, and that he really helped them move on. 

(However. I think it’s worth mentioning that rather than after his escape from Grimmauld place, I think this might be something that Sirius reflected on in Azkaban, actually. I think this is part of why he’s a little less guns blazing in the rest of the series–that, and certainly his need to protect Harry, whom he loved like a son.)

ASK COMPLETE! … Sorry it took so long, but I hope I did well enough!

[sftbyers]

The Two of Us, Alone

Hey so I decided to write a Ryers fic bc I was bored and there’s simply never enough Ryers content out there! Tbh, it turned into more of introspect-Will fic but I hope y’all like it anyways!

The Party was at... a party. Not the first one they had ever been to by any means, but it was a rare occurrence all the same. High school had been weird for the friends: they all grew up and, on some level, their social status’ had elevated. Not to the extent that they were popular popular, but - Lucas done sports, and Mike was in a band, and Jane was the new kid which meant that the intrigue surrounding her around shot her to what was essentially immediate popularity. Max had always really been cool, Will’s artsy image helped him out and even Dustin on some level was no longer considered to be just a nerd; even if his social status had elevated mostly by association.

So, they were at a party. Again, it wasn’t something they done often - even with their newfound “coolness” they tended to prefer movie nights in over a typical high school house party. But it was New Years, and they thought that there was probably something to celebrate out of that.

Mike and El and Max and Lucas had paired off quickly, which wasn’t unusual. As much as Will loved them, they’re undying love for one another could be a little too much sometimes, so Will was honestly glad he wouldn’t have to endure that. Dustin himself had wandered off to a group of people he knew from the Decathlon team, and even from across the room he could see him amibicly talking, hands flying everywhere. It made Will smile to see the group Dustin had surrounded himself with laughing every other second, almost to the point of tears. Dustin deserved every little bit of appreciation and attention he got, and to see the way Dustin’s cheeks grew redder and his smile grow wider made Will feel so... content. He was happy his friends were happy.

That, however, left Will. After being essentially abandoned after the first half hour, he had wandered uselessly to the couch with a beer in hand, watching the party around him. It’s not like there wasn’t anybody else Will could talk to - he could see his art friends in one corner, and friends from his other classes scattered around, throwing him friendly and inviting smiles. It’s not like Will was disliked - it was the contrary, actually, despite what he had expected after his middle school torment. At first Will thought it might of been out of pity, or everyone simply walking on egg shells around the kid who came back to life - Zombie Boy, Will thought bitterly. But the kindness never faded away, and the new friends he met only grew more comfortable around him, and vice verse. So really, Will had plenty of people he could talk to at the party.

It’s a pity there was only one person he actually wanted to talk to.

Out of his entire high school experience, Richie Tozier was the one thing he could have never imagined. Richie was a world wind. He had transferred half way through Freshmen year and immediately latched himself onto the party due to how they reminded him of the losers; something Will would later find out. Not everyone was pleased at first - Mike being particularly unwelcoming of their new friend and the consequent change of the groups dynamic. But not Will. He couldn’t understand why, but Richie made Will happy in ways he had never felt before. Every time he made a comment, or quip, it made Will’s heart burn.

But it wasn’t just that. It was the way Richie looked at Will, as if he was the brightest, best thing he’d ever seen. It was the way he wrapped his arm around his shoulder when he felt Will begin to tense in overwhelming social situations, or the way he would spend hours on end talking to Will after a bad nightmare - or even just talking to him for hours on end in general.

It made Will’s heart want to burst.

And though it shouldn’t have came as a surprise really, Will seriously could’ve have sworn he was dreaming when Richie asked him out.

Homosexuality, of course, was frowned upon in Hawkins. But that didn’t stop Will from knowing he liked boys since he was 9, and it certainly didn’t stop him from nodding shyly at a nervous looking Richie, who shot a relieved grin back. And it didn’t stop the boys from dating either.

Sure, they kept it on the down low. Nobody knew: not even the party, or Will’s mom or brother. It was too risky, even if Will knew that the party would never judge him for such a thing (or, at least, he hoped they wouldn’t). Will even had an inkling suspicion that Joyce already knew, but he couldn’t force himself to bring it up with her.

So they kept it quiet. And that was mostly okay for them. Except for moments like now - where Eleven and Mike and Max and Lucas could publicly make out in a corner while Will sat on the couch alone. He knew Richie was already at the party when they arrived, and although he hadn’t seen him since, it sucked that Will couldn’t march inside and find Richie and kiss him till he couldn’t breathe and be his boyfriend.

It was 10 to 12, and Will rolled his eyes at himself before moving to go outside. Everyone was beginning to crowd in the living room and even in his sulky mood Will could feel his anxiety begin to rise, so he knew the best thing to do was to probably avoid that situation all together. Mike grabbed his arm on his way out, him and El seemingly pulling themselves away from each other long enough to join the party.

“You okay?” Mike asked, ever concerned with furrowed eyebrows and his hand dug into Will’s arm.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just need some air, I’ll be back in a few.” Will smiled, itching to move away.

“Well, okay... just remember it’s almost 12, and you can’t miss the New Years!” Mike cheered happily, releasing his arm, seemingly satisfied with his answer.

Will gave a nod, and another small smile, before finally making it outside and shutting the door tight behind him.

He lowered himself on the decking and shut his eyes, enjoying what was mostly quiet, save for the muffled shouting inside.

“Kind of a lame party, huh?”

Will jumped looking up, seeing Richie at the other side of the decking, legs sprawled our and a lazy smile on his face.

“I didn’t even see you out here.” Will smiled, more genuinely than before, heart rate quickening rather than slowing down when he looked towards his boyfriend.

“Yeah, been out here for a while now.” Richie replied, “It was getting too much in there for me.”

“Yeah.” Will agreed, fiddling with his fingers. A moment passed.

“So, you gonna get the fuck over here or what, Byers?”

Will grinned, and rolling his eyes moved over to the other boy who’s arms were out and waiting.

“It has been kind of boring.” Will confessed, now sitting firmly under Richie’s arm.

“You’re fucking telling me William, you’re my only saving grace in any social event and I’m only now just seeing you.” Richie groaned, his warm breath fanning over the back of Will’s neck, making the smaller boy shiver.

“I know right? It sucks that I can’t be with you in the way that the others get to be.” Will huffed, feeling Richie’s fingers trail along his sides and dip beneath his shirt.

“Well, we’re alone now,” Richie reasoned, “and I’m pretty sure we can be with each other any way we want when we’re alone.” His voice tickled Will’s ear.

“Yeah, I guess.” Will breathed out, turning to face the other boy.

Richie smiled gently down at him, arms coming to fully circle his waist. His eyes were gentle, and his smile was warm, and Will couldn’t understand why him loving Richie - beautiful, kind, sweet Richie - was such a crime.

“It’s almost midnight.” Richie whispered, and Will could hear the excited screams from inside counting down from 20.

“Mhm.” Will whispered back, eyes slipped shut as his hands travelled behind Richie’s neck, pulling him closer.

“You know, as much as I liked ‘87, I think ‘88 will be pretty alright as long as I still have you.” Richie smiled, face leaning so close he could almost touch. Richie sounded so soft, so sincere that Will couldn’t even mock him for the cheesiness.

“Same. You’re the best I’ve got.” Will smiled back, matching the sentimentality. There was only 10 seconds to go.

“Hey, Will. I love you.”

“I know. Love you too, Rich.”

Maybe 1988 will be different for him and Richie, Will thought. Maybe gay people will suddenly be accepted, and he and Richie wouldn’t have to sneak outside of a party where it was quiet and lonely to kiss each other.

As it were, they were pretty content kissing there way into the year, wrapped around each other where they belonged.

@bakadeno here u go again pls dont judge meeee and thank u for ur encouragement <3

[luckylifestyletechnologyshe-blog]

WTF

Almost 5 years of this bullshit and I can't believe I have not just picked up my shit without so much as a word! I'm certainly no angel, but I am most definitely not a permocuous woman! So I have been dancing on n off for yrs, but I have MBA, I've had various serious jobs that I just moved on at some point, but I am STILL DANCING BC OF HIM! Everything he says at this point is complete BULLSHIT, he has seldom given me any real constructive praise for my attempts at normalcy, he's become extremely verbally abusive, he actually gossips to anyone that he can about things that I consider extremely personal and embarrassing, his personality is extremely volital and i currently feel that he doesn't tell anyone that we are together. I've never liked social media from a terrible experience in my 20s.. I've never condoned a bf to have one, unless we just had 100% trust, but I made an exception for exception for his pro card desire and to be honest I don't think he would give it up if I asked. He wanted me for yrs b4 I even spoke to him on the phone, took him 3 yrs b4 we first hooked up and I changed my number that same day, two years later I fucked up, And returned a call that he wanted to talk to me, I basically called and just demanded what? And for some reason, he simply said I just wanted to tell you I miss you.... and just like that the winds changed direction. For years prior I would tell him it would never work, but I wasn't interested was the truth. I loved the party, but I lived incredibly structured and paid my bills, had several homes, nice cars, etc, he didn't even drink and I could tell he was difficult. His only religion Is fitness, he is an atheist, and possibly the best debater ever. He uses the drugs to manipulate everything that happens with us, he even told my mom that I used drugs and strip . I've not spoken to my parents in 8 months 4 the first Time. I've developed social anxiety disorder bc he constantly tells me that people say I am a whore, I don't even go out, and even less these last 5 yrs. My self Esteem,significantly dropped, as my routines like going to the gym, beach,guy friends houses just friends and I stopped the "sugar daddy" lifestyle despite I never slept with any of them. I didn't have to. I'd even bring girls home, at least in the beginning. I can count on one hand how many times we have been to a nightclub, I only know maybe 3 or 4 of his friends that I never talk to, he goes to the movies with this stupid couple that owe him money, yet thinks I'm the reason for his issues, I despise asking him for money, I don't even think I've asked for more than 40$ that I repay. I'm not myself around him, I don't retaliate and I have allowed him to kick me out so much that this time I'm thinking it's done for sure. He's nasty, his bday, Halloween (symbolism I have to our first meeting) his NPC competition coming up a Where MY MOM lives and he just flips out and the words might as well be Bullets I've hardly seen him for the last 2 3 months, but up until the end the bedroom was INCREDIBLE! EVEN TO HIM I KNOW FOR SURE. He's changed me and taken so much from me in a real bad way relief should be my feeling. He doesn't even want to talk to me, he packs a few boxes for the first time I had to do it before and he insists no movers. I only agree NC I am trying to tap into my manipulative side because there no way he isn't hiding something. I can't fucking prove anything. He doesn't have me on his FB,or ig. He refuses to exchange cell passwords, then last night I am fn exhausted, extremely sick w bronchitis but trying not to stop momentum. This mother f sends me stupid fn text n I might as well be in his bed. BUT I CANNOT AND WON'T. He's so secretive about everything , I don't believe that he has been faithful, Please do not insult me bc I dance, that is experience just like working anywhere else and this is no different. If u ladies think anyone is immune think again, n beauty (I am gorgeous) means nothing.! Wtf is he doing

[captain-ezri-dax]

allll the warden asks either nadia orrr ur fave dwarf warden of yours

Zevran
**1. How did your Warden react to Zevran’s failed attempt on their life? Were they amused? Angry**? - amused but in a "did u actually think that would work" kinda angry way, was v close to killing him 
2. **Did your Warden match Zevran’s lighthearted attitude or were they more serious? What sort of relationship did they have?** - started out lighthearted when they first met but she grew more serious as her depression started 
3. **What did your Warden know of the Crows before meeting Zevran? What did they think of the Crows afterward?** - I'd bet she'd never even heard of them before meeting them, she wasn't rly into textbook studying about history or... anything. Probably doesn't have much of an opinion on them after since he's like the only one she ever meets
4. **Did Zevran betray your Warden? How did they feel in the aftermath of Zevran’s decision?** - I think he did when I played her? Don't think it's canon tho
5. **How well did your Warden keep in contact with Zevran after the Blight? Did they ever see him again?** - probably not very well, they were good friends but not exceptionally close? They'd keep in contact sure but not very often Alistair
1. **What sort of attachment did your Warden form with Alistair, if any at all? Were they close due to their shared experiences as Grey Wardens?** - tbh i imagine she's super uneasy around Alistair for the majority of the blight bc of his Templar past & supportiveness and his comments during the broken circle. Honestly the only reason she'd wanna speak to him is about warden experiences 
2. **Did Alistair’s parentage surprise your Warden? How did your Warden’s feelings on the nobility affect their relationship with Alistair?** Surprise? Ye. Also piss her off? Very ye. She was stressed enough without having to lead a king's bastard
3. **Was Alistair reunited with his sister, Goldanna? What did your Warden think of her? Did they relate to Alistair with their own familial struggles?** She probably took him to Goldanna's house but stayed outside or quiet the whole time, agreed w/ her that him coming back expecting a happy reunion was too much
4. **How did your Warden respond to Alistair’s dislike of Loghain? Did they share Alistair’s sentiments or disagree?** - one of the few things she'd find herself agreeing with him on
5. **What became of Alistair after the Landsmeet? How did your Warden feel about their decision of Alistair’s future?** - left him as a warden cause the queen who's name has completely escaped my head is better than him in every way when it comes to ruling. Plus, in her opinion, a guy who can't choose his own life shouldn't choose for the life of an entire country Wynne
1. **What did your Warden think of Wynne’s views on the Circle? Did they have different experiences regarding the Circle?** - I// uh/// don't know Wynne's views on the circle//// I
2. **How did your Warden respond to Wynne’s comments if your Warden romanced someone? Did they tell her it was love or that the relationship was purely physical? ** - well Nadia is aromantic so
3. **How did your Warden feel about the Spirit of Faith within Wynne? Did they see it as possession?** - creeped her out a little but Wynne seemed in control, so it didn't bother her too much. Plus I imagine, in Nadia's mind, possession is when the spirit takes control of the Mage 
4. **Did your Warden go with Wynne to meet Aneirin, her one-time apprentice? What did they think of the encounter?** - okay I gotta be honest I never get enough friendship from Wynne & I have no idea what an Aneirin is
5. **What did Wynne choose to do after the Blight was ended? Did your Warden stay in touch with her?** - who even knows what Wynne did, but isn't likely they stayed in touchLeliana
1. **What was your Warden’s position on the Chantry? Were they wary of Leliana due to their religious beliefs or lack thereof?** - of the chantry itself? Very very wary if not actively disliking it. Of Leliana bc of her beliefs? A little, the whole vision from the maker think made her a little apprehensive
2. **Was your Warden curious about bards? If they had the opportunity, would they choose to become one?** - no to both tbh, but did enjoy listening to her stories 
3. **If your Warden received Leliana’s personal quest, what did they choose to do with Marjolaine and why?** - probably killed her tbh, she came to care for Leliana at least a little & she knew that Marjolaine might not leave her alone after so
4. **Did your Warden believe that Leliana was telling the truth about her vision from the Maker or were they skeptical? ** - v v v skeptical lmao, especially since most of what she's heard of the maker and andraste for most of her life is "we're gonna lock u away permanently bc of what u were born as bc they told us to in our religious books"
5. **How well did your Warden get along with Leliana? What was their relationship like?** - well enough in the end, listening to Leliana talk & tell stories was probably pretty nice & it turns out they agreed with a lot about how the chantry functions, tho not everything Sten
1. **Had your Warden ever met a Qunari before Sten? What did they expect?** - definitely not tbh? I'm not sure she'd ever even met a dwarf before either, idk if dwarves visit circles a lot or if lyrium trade is done outside a circle 
2. **What did your Warden think of Sten’s beliefs that people’s roles are determined at birth? Did they agree?** - reminded her a lot of how the circle told her she should live her life so. Did not agree in the slightest, but didn't argue cause it's an entirely different culture 
3. **Did your Warden retrieve Sten’s sword? Did your Warden’s choice to give it to him or withhold it affect their relationship with Sten at all?** - probably returned it to him, didn't rly see a reason not to especially when it wasn't hard to get
4. **How did your Warden speak to Sten? Did they fight with him often or were they more humorous in their responses?** - probably wouldn't wanna fight with him, so was either just curious or more humorous 
5. **Was your Warden amused by Sten’s love of cookies?** EhOghren
1. **What did your Warden think of Orzammer? Were they impressed or did they become disillusioned with the city, like Oghren did?** - probably a little disillusioned, likely not a fan of how badly the casteless are treated but impressed otherwise 
2. **What were your Warden’s feelings on berserkers? Were they frightened of them? Were they a berserker themselves?** - I don't actually imagine she had much of an opinion?
3. **What was the fate of Branka? If she was killed, was your Warden regretful? How did they act around Oghren afterwards?** - definitely killed her tbh, but wasn't very regretful. Was no fan of having to take lives to make golems. Probably didn't change around Oghren, he creeps her out still
4. **What was the relationship between your Warden and Oghren? Were they friendly or merely reluctant companions?** - reluctant companions honestly, she doesn't like his casual alcoholism or the creepy comments and looks he gives morrigan (& maybe Leliana? Idk)
5. **Did your Warden stay on good terms with Oghren after the Blight? If Oghren got back together with Felsi, did your Warden ever go to meet Oghren’s child, who was named after the Warden?** - definitely did not stay on good terms but was willing to work with him when he came to join the wardens. Might've gotten him back together with Felsi but never met the kid Morrigan
1. **What was your Warden’s first impression of Morrigan? Did they trust her or were they cautious around her?** This closeted & unawakened bisexual definitely thought morrigan was extremely hot, no doubt about it. But did trust her simply cause, as per her logic, if morrigan wanted them dead she'd have been able to do it far sooner than they'd met, but was a little cautious for the sake of her companions
2. **Did your Warden agree to help Morrigan kill Flemeth? Why or why not?** - agreed to help but didn't actually do it maybe? Or maybe she did do it but apprehensively, simply because she'd never heard of or maybe even didn't believed in magic that could let one human possess another 
3. **How close was your Warden to Morrigan? Did your Warden respect her abilities as a witch of the wilds?** - not sure if they were close, but she definitely liked Morrigan for sure & respected her, tho their views on helping people were totally different. Learnt shape-shifting from her
4. **Did your Warden attempt to find Morrigan after the Blight? Did they ever succeed in meeting her again?** - probably didn't try to actively look until she heard rumours about someone matching Morrigan's appearance being seen around, then she was curious. Probably found her at the mirror ye
5. **Was Morrigan’s ritual completed? What persuaded your Warden to go through with it or what caused them to refuse it?** - probably, if only to save her own skin. Like I said she was never super fond of Alistair but she doesn't think he deserves to die either? Plus preserving the soul of the old god sounded pretty interesting Loghain 
1. **Did your Warden respect Loghain’s experience as a warrior, if not as a ruler?** - she hated every part of him with a passion lmao & lost any respect she might've had for his warrior abilities after she beat him in 1v1 combat. Like a warden just a year outside the circle with only that year's worth of combat experience beating a supposed "hero" and Great Warrior??
2. **How did your Warden react to Loghain’s fierce love for his daughter? Did they share a strong sense of loyalty to their own family?** - by the end of the landsmeet she probably didn't even think he loved Anora, just wanted to use her to usurp the throne. Especially because he locked anora up & had her tortured for getting her out
3. **What did your Warden think of Loghain’s suspicion and dislike of Orlesians? Did they consider it to be ill-founded or accurate? ** - didn't give a single flying shit about it. She'd never met an Orelesian & in not sure she was alive during the occupation, so she just saw it as him showing off and using them as scapegoats 
4. **What was your Warden’s opinion on Loghain’s decision to abandon King Cailan and the Grey Wardens at Ostagar? What did they think of Loghain afterwards?** Honestly do I need to answer this one at this point lmao 
5. **Did Loghain survive the Landsmeet? If he did, why did your Warden choose to let him live?** - nooooooooope. Considered letting him join the wardens but changed her mind pretty quickly Shale (N/A if The Stone Prisoner DLC was not played)
1. **Was your Warden interested in golems upon meeting Shale? Did they think of golems as weapons or sentient beings?** - wasn't rly interested in golems as things but was interested in Shale. Shale was v likely her first experience with golems so thought of them as living things
2. **Did the realization that Shale was once a living dwarf surprise your Warden? How did that change their views on golems?** - definitely did surprise her, was the whole reason she destroyed the Anvil tbh. Never wanted to touch a control rod again
3. **Did your Warden aid Branka or Caridin? Did their choice affect their relationship with Shale?** - Caridin 100% of the way, was v pleased when Shale was happy with the choice
4. **How did your Warden’s relationship with Shale change during the Blight? Was their relationship maintained after the Blight?** - honestly if Corliss wasn't around, Shale very much may have been Nadia's closest friend during the blight. Was definitely maintained after the blight, tho I think Shale goes to Tevinter to try to regain her dwarf body? So they lose contact for a good long while & Nadia misses them
5. **What did your Warden make of Shale’s “bird issues”? ** "Same dude they'd shit all over the tower!!! And they're loud and ate the crops from our small garden, they're the worst"Dog
**1. Who’s a good boy?!** - Mutt is a good boy!!!!! She's sorry she named him Mutt

[luckylifestyletechnologyshe-blog]

WTF

Almost 5 years of this bullshit and I can't believe I have not just picked up my shit without so much as a word! I'm certainly no angel, but I am most definitely not a permocuous woman! So I have been dancing on n off for yrs, but I have MBA, I've had various serious jobs that I just moved on at some point, but I am STILL DANCING BC OF HIM! Everything he says at this point is complete BULLSHIT, he has seldom given me any real constructive praise for my attempts at normalcy, he's become extremely verbally abusive, he actually gossips to anyone that he can about things that I consider extremely personal and embarrassing, his personality is extremely volital and i currently feel that he doesn't tell anyone that we are together. I've never liked social media from a terrible experience in my 20s.. I've never condoned a bf to have one, unless we just had 100% trust, but I made an exception for exception for his pro card desire and to be honest I don't think he would give it up if I asked. He wanted me for yrs b4 I even spoke to him on the phone, took him 3 yrs b4 we first hooked up and I changed my number that same day, two years later I fucked up, And returned a call that he wanted to talk to me, I basically called and just demanded what? And for some reason, he simply said I just wanted to tell you I miss you.... and just like that the winds changed direction. For years prior I would tell him it would never work, but I wasn't interested was the truth. I loved the party, but I lived incredibly structured and paid my bills, had several homes, nice cars, etc, he didn't even drink and I could tell he was difficult. His only religion Is fitness, he is an atheist, and possibly the best debater ever. He uses the drugs to manipulate everything that happens with us, he even told my mom that I used drugs and strip . I've not spoken to my parents in 8 months 4 the first Time. I've developed social anxiety disorder bc he constantly tells me that people say I am a whore, I don't even go out, and even less these last 5 yrs. My self Esteem,significantly dropped, as my routines like going to the gym, beach,guy friends houses just friends and I stopped the "sugar daddy" lifestyle despite I never slept with any of them. I didn't have to. I'd even bring girls home, at least in the beginning. I can count on one hand how many times we have been to a nightclub, I only know maybe 3 or 4 of his friends that I never talk to, he goes to the movies with this stupid couple that owe him money, yet thinks I'm the reason for his issues, I despise asking him for money, I don't even think I've asked for more than 40$ that I repay. I'm not myself around him, I don't retaliate and I have allowed him to kick me out so much that this time I'm thinking it's done for sure. He's nasty, his bday, Halloween (symbolism I have to our first meeting) his NPC competition coming up a Where MY MOM lives and he just flips out and the words might as well be Bullets I've hardly seen him for the last 2 3 months, but up until the end the bedroom was INCREDIBLE! EVEN TO HIM I KNOW FOR SURE. He's changed me and taken so much from me in a real bad way relief should be my feeling. He doesn't even want to talk to me, he packs a few boxes for the first time I had to do it before and he insists no movers. I only agree NC I am trying to tap into my manipulative side because there no way he isn't hiding something. I can't fucking prove anything. He doesn't have me on his FB,or ig. He refuses to exchange cell passwords, then last night I am fn exhausted, extremely sick w bronchitis but trying not to stop momentum. This mother f sends me stupid fn text n I might as well be in his bed. BUT I CANNOT AND WON'T. He's so secretive about everything , I don't believe that he has been faithful, Please do not insult me bc I dance, that is experience just like working anywhere else and this is no different. If u ladies think anyone is immune think again, n beauty (I am gorgeous) means nothing.! Wtf is he doing

[luckylifestyletechnologyshe-blog]

WTF

Almost 5 years of this bullshit and I can't believe I have not just picked up my shit without so much as a word! I'm certainly no angel, but I am most definitely not a permocuous woman! So I have been dancing on n off for yrs, but I have MBA, I've had various serious jobs that I just moved on at some point, but I am STILL DANCING BC OF HIM! Everything he says at this point is complete BULLSHIT, he has seldom given me any real constructive praise for my attempts at normalcy, he's become extremely verbally abusive, he actually gossips to anyone that he can about things that I consider extremely personal and embarrassing, his personality is extremely volital and i currently feel that he doesn't tell anyone that we are together. I've never liked social media from a terrible experience in my 20s.. I've never condoned a bf to have one, unless we just had 100% trust, but I made an exception for exception for his pro card desire and to be honest I don't think he would give it up if I asked. He wanted me for yrs b4 I even spoke to him on the phone, took him 3 yrs b4 we first hooked up and I changed my number that same day, two years later I fucked up, And returned a call that he wanted to talk to me, I basically called and just demanded what? And for some reason, he simply said I just wanted to tell you I miss you.... and just like that the winds changed direction. For years prior I would tell him it would never work, but I wasn't interested was the truth. I loved the party, but I lived incredibly structured and paid my bills, had several homes, nice cars, etc, he didn't even drink and I could tell he was difficult. His only religion Is fitness, he is an atheist, and possibly the best debater ever. He uses the drugs to manipulate everything that happens with us, he even told my mom that I used drugs and strip . I've not spoken to my parents in 8 months 4 the first Time. I've developed social anxiety disorder bc he constantly tells me that people say I am a whore, I don't even go out, and even less these last 5 yrs. My self Esteem,significantly dropped, as my routines like going to the gym, beach,guy friends houses just friends and I stopped the "sugar daddy" lifestyle despite I never slept with any of them. I didn't have to. I'd even bring girls home, at least in the beginning. I can count on one hand how many times we have been to a nightclub, I only know maybe 3 or 4 of his friends that I never talk to, he goes to the movies with this stupid couple that owe him money, yet thinks I'm the reason for his issues, I despise asking him for money, I don't even think I've asked for more than 40$ that I repay. I'm not myself around him, I don't retaliate and I have allowed him to kick me out so much that this time I'm thinking it's done for sure. He's nasty, his bday, Halloween (symbolism I have to our first meeting) his NPC competition coming up a Where MY MOM lives and he just flips out and the words might as well be Bullets I've hardly seen him for the last 2 3 months, but up until the end the bedroom was INCREDIBLE! EVEN TO HIM I KNOW FOR SURE. He's changed me and taken so much from me in a real bad way relief should be my feeling. He doesn't even want to talk to me, he packs a few boxes for the first time I had to do it before and he insists no movers. I only agree NC I am trying to tap into my manipulative side because there no way he isn't hiding something. I can't fucking prove anything. He doesn't have me on his FB,or ig. He refuses to exchange cell passwords, then last night I am fn exhausted, extremely sick w bronchitis but trying not to stop momentum. This mother f sends me stupid fn text n I might as well be in his bed. BUT I CANNOT AND WON'T. He's so secretive about everything , I don't believe that he has been faithful, Please do not insult me bc I dance, that is experience just like working anywhere else and this is no different. If u ladies think anyone is immune think again, n beauty (I am gorgeous) means nothing.! Wtf is he doing