#because everyone loses respect for me and everyone ends up thinking im worthless and a lost cause

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

I've been under a lot of stress for a very long time and I finally snapped and I'm trying in my own way to get back from that and find a little joy so I can start leaving my bed and I don't appreciate you judging me for my methods or for the fact that my mental breakdowns have been an established pattern for years now

[squeak-the-cat18]

Since im bored and have nothing else to do : more song quotes!!

(Tw because most of these are sad/depressing)

(Also none belong to me credit goes to the respective artist)

I'm drowning in your memory but it is all that I have left

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't want to know.

Do you care about all the little things, or anything at all?

I wanna sunburn just to know I'm that I'm alive

If I can't see the sun maybe I should go.

Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon.

Did you know that every day is the first of the rest of your life

This is to one last day in the shadows and to know a brothers love

Tell me all your thoughts about the stars that fill polluted skys

How did you love?

It was almost love, when I heard that sound and the walls came down I was thinking about you.

Its not what you believe, those prayers will make you bleed

Time will take us all and turn us into stone

Her hands tell the story of hardships that we'll never know

How did you love?

How we forget ourselves from the cradle to the grave

We are the judge and jury

I drove for miles just to find you and myself

Its not your fault im a bitch, I'm a monster

Sure as the sunrise shes seen things you'll never see

I can't let her go.

Please don't go most nights i hardly sleep when I'm alone

I think of you whenever I'm alone

Would anyone care? would anyone cry if I finally stepped of the ledge tonight?

Would anything change? Would you all be just fine? cause I need a reason to not throw the fight

It just might save my life.

Home, a place where i can go and take this off my shoulders.

I wont to lie so hard to hide I've never felt worthy of love, I would give up everything I had just to feel good enough.

Someone take me home.

Tell me why the world never fights fair

Shes still here fighting, better know there's life in her yet

Tell me how all my dreams turned to nightmares, how did I loose it  when I was right there

Just to get to a place where even though there's no closer,  I'm still safe

I found no cure for the loneliness, I found no cure for the sickness.

I'm 11 minutes away so why arent you here?

Would anyone notice if tonight I disappeared? Would anyone chase me, and say the words i need to hear that im no burden, not so worthless

I would sell my soul for a bit more time

You swear to god but I'm a nonbeliever

So tell me when it kicks in

This is how it ends, I can feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

Would anyone want me if they knew what was inside my head?

No no don't leave me lonely now, if you love me how'd you never learn

All the voices in my mind calling out across the line

Your losing faith while I've been holding on.

It leaves us with regrets and picks apart the threads of over fragile bones.

Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face tell me that you love me even if its fake

We were blessed by the breath deep inside of us

Give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe

Playing dead I'll never do, gotta keep an eye on you

Promises broken again

Would anyone see me for the person I really am?

Take a hit shoot me down I will never hit the ground

Put an X on my chest, but I'm still standing cause I wont forget all the hell you put me through, I'll save myself in spite of you

This time I wont let go

When you go down all your darkest roads, I would have followed all the way to the graveyard

I keep digging myself down deeper, I wont stop til I get where you are

Trying to find the root of all that's come between us

White flag, never going up no no

Don't you know I'm aint afraid to shed a little blood

Id rather die than give up the fight

You look at me with eyes so dark I don't know how you even see

I'm good, I'm good, I'm great.

Ain't that my blue in her eyes?

Where everyone you know never leaves too soon

Too many years of battle scares and now we're broken

But while your on your knees how did you love?

Don't take her from me

Don't wanna see her grow to be just like you

But it only feeds my energy

I'm chasing dragons, this dragon's got my hand

Sweet love, my oldest friend, have we come to the bitter end

This time don't you save me, baby I can feel myself giving up

But I dont see so easily what you hold in your hands.

Pray for my soul

Those eyes tell nothing of a soul that is spent, a soul that's longing for death

[wisteriabookss]

My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me. 

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. 

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts. 

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it. 

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand. 

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . .  chile um anyways let’s move on. 

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes. 

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit. 

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word. 

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing. 

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away. 

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot. 

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

[belindysthoughts]

As i approach my 24th birthday in a little over 24 hours (well under by the time i actually post this) I truly just feel this cycle will never end. I’m getting older yet each day, less things make sense and what little hope i have left keeps fading. I’m stuck. everyone is growing up, moving forward and progressing in life and i still feel like I’m barely even 15 in my knowledge and life experiences. What happened to my youth?

i feel robbed of it. i’ve never had a mutual crush. ive never been on a date. ive never been asked out on a date. I’ve never met someone that i actually like enough to ASK on a date or pursue them. ive hardly gone out to a pub or club in the past 6 years i’ve been legally able to do so. (i can literally count on my two hands the amount of times i’ve been) I never had adventures with my friends in my teen years. the trips to the beach, hanging out at the shops or the parks. going for drives to get food. nothing.

sometimes i think im broken. most times i KNOW its not me its just circumstances and how life seems to fall in place. and I KNOW there are people who are about me but i’m not exaggerating i really am an “optional” or “last resort” friend. i know my place in the world. and majority of the time i am so content with that. but i just!!!! want!!! mutual!!! love!!! and!!! respect!!!! sometimes. i want people to genuinely spend time with me, because they want to! not out of obligation or no one else is available at the moment.

I know i can be hard to be around. I know i get annoying and can seem flat and boring because hey, i know i dont have a life so much. I dont have an interesting story about the time i went out with my one of five groups of friends? i dont have an interesting career. i have no juicy gossip on any potential boyfriends i can be pursuing. I dont have or know or do a lot of things. but i try. i’m trying. I hate being so self aware. I hate having the ability to so clearly pick up peoples vibes. because as soon as i know they dont want to be spending time with me or they have somewhere else to be or i can see them losing interest or me boring them, i immediately want to try harder to change the subject or throw things back to them so the vibes can pick up again . because that's what i do best, i thrive off other peoples energy but im so content in being by myself.

I know and am aware of all the possibilities and opportunities i have in the palm of my hand. but most of the time i have no drive or i hold myself back because i don’t want to be experiencing so many things in life on my own. I truly mean on my own by myself. Genuinely i dont mind majority of the time being on my own. But its when others point out how alone i am, or emphasise those facts to make me feel inferior, worthless and less of a human because i don’t have a solid group of friends. even just one or to friends who i am on a mutual friend level with (like theyre my very very good close friends because i only have like 4 separate ones but to them i am only just a friend they see and speak to on occasions). because i dont have boyfriend also, i’m not so bothered by it until everyone starts questioning why i dont have one and why im not out looking or actively trying to get one. i hate nothing more than FORCED interactions and relationships. I sometimes get the sentiment of people “wanting me to be happy” but it will happen when it happens. so many people are out there in relationships, friendships and even families built on fake, materialistic meaningless, forced, ulterior motive foundations. You’re in no better position than i am, because in reality we are all alone. Presenting to have a full, happy life is not the same as actually having one.

Im so tired. I truly am. I keep sitting here wasting my young years, wondering when my life is going to begin. I don’t regret the past 10 years or so of my life but fk honestly. I truly wonder if any of this is real. Everyone's life experiences, their ideas of fun, finding love one day, truly enjoying going out, finding people you genuinely want to be around who feel exactly the same about you. The world is like cracked glass in my hands that keeps cracking more as time goes on. im trying to mend it before it gets so bad but it feels so fragile,the more i try, the closer it actually gets shattering beyond recognition.

I’m scared. I’m exhausted. i am also hopeful. I KNOW things are going to be okay. I’m just sick of feeling like this. im sick of  having almost a daily or weekly existential crisis. I just want some sort of stability and certainty in life. I feel so stuck, empty, detached.

I just want to be able to feel again.

[bellamygateoldblog]

best and worst relationships?

There’s a lot of varables to consider here, and I’m feeling sick and bored out of my mind, so i’m going the long way round. This is a nightmare to read on mobile, im so sorry.

‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ labels depend on a number of things:

— Story of the pairing

— General intrigue and how enjoyable their dynamic is to watch

— Chemistry of the two (or more) characters

— Presence (or lack of) valuable relationship qualities (is this relationship healthy according to the world it exists in?)

and the importance of each of those differs from person-to-person.

Note: Sticking to popular relationships. I’ve blocked names, but I’m also throwing it under a Read More because it’s long and negative. It’s largely anticlarke because she’s a terrifying character and her mere existence derails most of her dynamics. Ship and like whatever you like, I hate fandom gatekeeping. But you asked so let’s go.

There’s also no order to this. Welcome to chaos land.

Best ‘Best’ List: objectively good relationships

— Linctavia

— Marper 

— Spacekru

— David and Nate Miller

— Raven and Sinclair

Unconditional love, mutual respect and support, found family, would die (and live) for the other. I can’t find fault in them.

Memori

I had a bit more to say about this one because there’s something so highly romantic in two people abandoned by their clan, cast out, finding each other in a literal desert wasteland. Like they’re each other’s oasis. In meeting Emori, Murphy finally found acceptance after spending far too long alone, and being told he was worthless by people who’s approval meant something. And Emori having someone prepared to do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy is everything I could’ve wanted for her. They’re so deeply in love.

Best List

Becho (pre-season six)

Your local enemies-to-lovers. partnership over co-dependency. Compromise. Affection and emotional support from both sides. Willing to throw themselves right into line-of-fire for the other. A cut ‘i love her’ scene which i’ve personally decided wasn’t cut. I LOVE THEM.

Arguments against:

- ‘killed’ Gina (moreso she aided her death) while acting on orders from her superiors

- ‘killed’ Octavia while acting on orders from her superiors

- killed Ilian/ attempted to help Roan win conclave over Octavia

- almost killed Clarke (season five)

- happened offscreen

Arguments to discredit previous arguments because I’m sick and tired of seeing them in the pro tags:

- Echo was Bellamy’s enemy through those first three listed events. Bellamy had no reason to expect loyalty or respect, or anything else from her. She was always looking out for her people just as Bellamy was his own. That was quite clear.

- In fact she actually tried to help Gina because she was important to Bellamy, apologised that she couldn’t and did save Bellamy’s life despite their enemy status.

- ‘killing’ Octavia was not in cold blood. It was actually an accident.

- This one is nonsense. She wanted to kill Clarke during season five “even though she’s important to Bellamy”…after she just left him to brutally die and held Echo and her family at gunpoint and threatened to kill them. Context matters.

- not a fan of the time jump either, but if you’re able to accept the Madi-Clarke relationship which also developed offscreen, you can deal with this one.

Hard to talk about this one without defending it. Echo deserves better than season six Bellamy, who would abandon her in order to chase a woman he knew for 6-ish months 6 years ago. I say it’s his loss.

Jonty

It was a beautiful relationship and then a beautiful breakdown of one. I really enjoyed their dynamic. About to get controversial and suggest Monty could’ve taken a different approach with Jasper. I’ve never committed genocide and had to learn to live with it while watching my best friend suffer from the decision, but I do have clinical depression and somewhat relate to Jasper. There was this scene, where in the background you see Jasper go to hug Monty goodbye and he avoids it. It was such a small but sad detail. I felt Monty wanted Jasper to deal with his grief in a certain way and got frustrated when he didn’t. Sometimes he could be insensitive and blaming, and i think had there been more communication their friendship could’ve been very healing for the both of them. I think we learn at one point Jasper actually thought Monty was “fine” and didn’t even realise or understand that Monty hurt too. Jasper had this tendancy to only consider his own feelings, and this put a rift between them. Tough love doesn’t work for everyone, and I think Monty’s sometimes cold approach held that rift in place. The simple fact that both sides are so easy to understand and empathise with, and that this gradual undoing of what was once an incredibly strong bond was inevitable, made watching it all wonderfully bittersweet.

Zaven

This was good, but it was so rushed it made me bitter towards them. While it was Raven being thrown with yet another random guy, this did strike me as much more meaningful than her fling with Wick and I think it would’ve been a lovely relationship had it been able to continue. I think this was that love Raven deserved. It’s a damn shame it was used as just another level of torture for her. I think if they had let it develop more naturally and not been so full-on so soon, and of course if the actor hadn’t opted to leave the show, this would’ve been up on my best ‘best’ list.

Dropping this here: being intelligent isn’t actually important when pairing Raven up. Fandom acts like she needs someone “on her level” or “at her speed” (shudders), someone to challenge her, which has always come across as very demeaning of characters with less intellectual capacity, as if they’re less than Raven because of this when they are absolutely not. This mentality also denies Raven of partners that can value her and treat her well just because they aren’t Stephan Hawking. A romance isn’t a competition or a class project. Shaw was good for her, not because of what his brain could do, but because of who he was.

Bellamy and Octavia

This bitch toxic, YEET. I adore it. I really do. It’s such an intriuging and complex dynamic. The poisonous nature of their relationship is neither of their own faults, they’re both a victim of their own circumstances and, in Octavia’s case, a lack of socialisation and, by extension, non-understanding of grey area is also intrinsicaly linked to it. They truely love one another, but aren’t learned in how to show this in healthy ways. Makes that back-and-forth an entertaining watch.

Main grievance:

Beating your brother bloody while he’s chained down and unable to defend himself against you is disturbing and inexcusable in any context, and whether or not you’re grieving is irrelevant.

Neutral List

C//exa

Placing this one here just because i don’t care about this relationship, but did like bits and pieces. I think this one ended before it even started. For me most of it’s appeal is in the gradual moulding of the dynamic and the many phases it went through. I did find intrigue in that journey. However the fact the show reminds me at least a few times a season that Lexa was the one has me digging my heels in. I hate being told what to think.

I don’t really remember it all that well so I don’t necessarily have strong opinions. I know some people do. At this point in the show I was growing more and more annoyed with Clarke, and eventually i went from liking Lexa to being indifferent to her, so a dynamic consisting of them both was the least interesting thing in the world to me by the time it started heating up.

I will say this is probably one of the only significant relationships Clarke has where she doesn’t ultimately have more power than the other half. There isn’t a mechanism there that allows one to use to do harm to the other to advantage themselves; Lexa is the commander, but Clarke is constantly pushing back and Lexa respects and listens to what she has to say. There is literally a shot of Clarke backing the most powerful person on the ground into a table. I think Clarke was a positive influence on Lexa, but during this time Clarke was slipping into worse and worse versions of herself.

Some thoughts:

I found it was innappropriate for Clarke, as a leader of her people who’s primary concern is supposed to be what’s best for them, to have become romantically involved with the commander of the people they hadn’t a stable relationship with, and who ultimately has the power to strip them of all freedoms. It’s so easy for those romantically and sexually charged feelings to cloud and confuse what are extremely important considerations to be made about the people back home. It wasn’t a very responsible relationship.

On the flipside of that, from this relationship Lexa was convinced to grow into peace. Which is quite obviously a positive affect. Though I found it was odd that Clarke, just a random teenage girl from space, would be (successfully) telling the commander how to manage her people when she herself was not at home overseeing the climate of her own. It just has some very weird implications.

Lexa’s betrayal at mount weather, actually a very silly and counter-productive decision, was what forced Clarke to lose her humanity in what was the most traumatic event of her entire life. The fact it was forgiven so easily was hard for me to get over.

M//rphamy

Season five was good for them. It seemed as if they’d grown, were much closer, more respectful, and more affectionate. Then season six happened, and Bellamy was back to treating Murphy like he was beneath everyone. He started again to talk about how therapeutic it would be to hurt him, as he has, physically, many times in the past. Just tearing open old wounds at this point. In season five he reminded Murphy he wasn’t worthless, that he did belong with the group, but in season six he went back on all that, and put Clarke ahead of him at every turn, and prioritied her feelings over his very real pain. They’ve had a complicated history of violence, usually coming from Bellamy’s more hot-headed side.

I put this here because it’s an immensely compelling dynamic. These characters work well together, there’s heaps of chemistry and allure in each of their interactions. It’s just an entertaining time whenever they share scenes. But despite that, I don’t know where I stand with them and I don’t know where they stand with each other as of season six.

Worst List

Be//arke

There is a mess of negative thoughts inspired by this relationship about proportionate to the amount it’s shoved in my face. Clarke is just no good for Bellamy. Is the concise way of putting it.

Here’s a list of some of them which I usually like to bury deep inside my head for sanity purposes:

Ignoring whether or not actions were for the people/the only option and focusing solely on how the relationship is affected by them regardless

- Clarke has a tendancy to view the most important person (pre-season five) in Bellamy’s life as necessary collateral damage. She has brought/almost brought harm to Octavia on multiple occasions, the two most notable being TonDC and the conclave. Both while being on the same side as Bellamy from a political standpoint, and both while his friend who he had reason to expect affirmation, consideration, and loyalty from. Clarke betrays those key values. This happens again in season five when Clarke’s Plan-A solution is to “take her out.”

( this is also what sets her apart from Echo, who was never in the position to make her own choices. Clarke has that agency and control that Echo’s superiors had, but never Echo. )

- and saying that, I think it’s incredibly hard for Clarke to maintain any meaningful relationships being in the position she’s in. How do you have friends when you have to always put them second?

- speaking of the conclave, Clarke held Bellamy at gunpoint in order to prevent him saving his sister’s life. She said she “didn’t pull the trigger” and that was that. All is forgiven. However she did pull the trigger in what was an attempt to scare him into submission so I really don’t even know what to say here. The writers kinda forgot?

- they aren’t equal. They haven’t been co-leaders since season one. He was demoted almost immediately to second-in-command beneath Clarke. Clarke is the leader, the literal head. She makes the choices while Bellamy gets her out of the trouble she usually gets herself into, risking himself and others in the process. It’s a racist trope. It’s the ‘white princess and her brown knight.’ She has agency and power and he’s her loyal soldier, subordinate. Inequality isn’t inherently a bad thing but this power imbalance between them is utilised in harmful ways.

- speaking of “the good knight by his queen’s side,” this comes across as codependency. Clarke relies on Bellamy’s support, validation and loyalty, while ‘the heart needs the head to tell it to beat.’ That’s paraphrased from season six, that’s an actual line in the show. Bellamy needs her to guide him, to “keep [him] centred,” that’s another line from the show. That’s still not enough? He literally tells us in season six that he needs her, and has needed her in the past if his psychosis episode is anything to go by. He has impeccably low self esteem and views himself less than. I mean if you need further convincing of they’re inequality, just look to their places on the ark which are quickly reinstated once it reaches the ground. Clarke is upper class, she’s later the daughter of the chancellor, she comes from a loving family, from one of (if not, the) more well-off stations, she’s educated and she has passions, but Bellamy? From the poorest ark station, raised by an emotionally abusive mother, a janitor, his whole motivation his entire life has been to love and protect Octavia. I think a lot of this devotion he has for her comes from a place of idolisation, of seeing something in her he wants for himself.

- now this ugly trope could also come from an absense of Octavia. The moment they get to the ground Octavia is on a journey of self-discovery. And eventually, she becomes her own protector, and she finds a home in Lincoln. So naturally Bellamy looks for the closest relationship he can find that resembles that old one. It’s Bellamy and Clarke. Now, instead of Octavia, he’s driven by and found purpose in protecting Clarke. In fact, the Clarke-Bellamy dynamic has so many similarities to the Octavia-Bellamy one I can absolutely see the sibling like quality to Be//arke.

- Clarke abandons Bellamy after mount weather. She leaves because she can’t bare the reminder of “what [she] did to get them here.” So she leaves and instead Bellamy is the one forced to see the faces of the 48 every day, reminding him of what he did to get them there. Clarke comes across as completely oblivious in this entire situation. Bellamy and Monty are both written using the word “we” to refer to the mount weather genocide, but Clarke? It’s “I” and “me” every time. It’s as if she truely believes she’s the only one suffering from it, she’s bearing it so they don’t have to, except that isn’t true at all and that fact is so painfully clear. Later she tells him she knew she could leave because the people had him, but who did Bellamy have? He dealt with that weight and that grief alone because the only other person who could possibly understand, the one who pulled the lever with him, ran away. After she had convinced him not to in season one. She then comes back informing him she’d been acting on behalf of her people in Polis, without the people’s own knowledge or consent, but i digress, and he’d just ruined everything. So much for co-leaders. And he blows up at her, and we see how badly this action hurt him.

- In season five she leaves him to die out of spite and took her daughter to the people he saved her from at the beginning of the season. It could’ve been avoided, but she decided to punish him. That’s all it was. Don’t give me none of that “I had to!!!” she screams in season six to mindspace!Octavia. Bellamy was forced into role of father at just 6 years old and has proved time and time again he was prepared to risk it all in order to protect his child, there was nobody more equipped to handle Madi than him and her yelling in his face that he couldn’t understand was perhaps the biggest betrayal of them all.

- In season five she tortured and almost murdered his entire family. After switching sides again at the end of the season, all this pain inflicted was meaningless. You can talk all you want at me about Clarke’s *reasons* but all she did was take the path of most destruction towards the same end-point. It was just unnecessary violence caused because she had this desperation to take the wheel.

- all of this works because the writing is always in Clarke’s favour. The show is framed in a way that makes Clarke sympathetic, emphasises how much causing others pain hurts her, and that means that she’s never held to any of these actions, she might get a stern talking to but she’s forgiven insanely easily and allowed to go on with no actual change.

Pr//ncess M//chanic

Unfortunately, from what i’ve gathered, there’s a lot of racism in this one just as there is in Be//arke. I mean the entire nature of the relationship relies on the elevation of Clarke and the narrative power to demote Raven to ‘second best’ and prop over and over again. Raven, a girl who works her ass off to make most of the victories in the show possible, actually spoke the words “she saved us again” after launching a pod from an exploding planet into space and fixing the ark while space walking. It’s mindblowing. Raven’s (and others’) successes are handed to Clarke on a silver platter and we’re just meant to eat that up and blindly accept that Clarke is our one true saviour. I’m not going into this because it makes me feel sick and Raven deserved better.

Unrelated thoughts:

I don’t see their relationship as friendly at all post-season two. I got the impression Raven actually didn’t like Clarke, but it was all very complicated.

I also think it’s terribly convinient Raven never found out the true nature of Clarke’s relationship with Lexa because I don’t believe she would’ve ever been okay about Clarke again if she had (if the writers were going for realistic).

Madi/Clarke/Abby

Clarke strapped a torture device around her daughter’s neck for means of control and activated it under the guise of protection and that isn’t okay in any world or any context. Madi is a little girl who is dependant on Clarke and Clarke betrayed that trust. Those shock collars were used on her early in the season, she experienced the torture herself and still used it on her child. A lot of Clarke’s more unfavourable and/or unhealthy behaviours and characteristic are also present in Abby, which leads me to believe those are a product of her upbringing. Like mother like daughter, Abby also electrocuted Raven. Abby and Clarke have this strange rival-like relationship and I find it particularly cold, maybe because they’re so similar.

Abby and Raven

Abby has physically harmed Raven more than once. Out of anger and spite, or out of desperation. People hurting each other on this show is pretty standard and while this isn’t as overwhelming a mistreatment compared to others, her hitting Raven while she was acting chancellor was a pretty gross abuse of power. Its a visual display, with Abby’s imposing figure looming over a sitting and emotionally vulnerable Raven. We’re supposed to view this, i think, as mother-daughter. Abby says very early season one that Raven reminds her of Clarke, but she’s never shown treating Clarke in the way she does Raven. I liked the relationship during season one. From then and with Abby’s slow descent into villainy, not so much.

Ontari and Murphy

*She raped him. Next.

Cl//phy

Clarke is a cause/reason, whether direct or indirect, of a huge chunk of Murphy’s suffering, all of which she’s never been held accountable for due to Murphy’s position as undesirable. I, along with Murphy, had to be told she cares about him in season six because her otherwise complete disregard for his life has been pretty apparent.

Notable mention:

Chaining up him and Emori like dogs and promising to sacrifice the woman he loves, against her will, for the greater good after he saved her life. He has to beg her, plead with her and her almighty god complex, and it’s all quite uncomfortable and eery. (She later draws a picture of this event in her sketchbook which is…kinda weird.) And, in true Clarke fashion, she refuses to accept responsibility for this action and hides behind the same old trend of gaslighting and screaming “i had to!!!” I can’t root for a friendship between these two no matter how fun their back-and-forth can be. Especially since I can’t recall a single time they’ve shared a nice moment. Oh, and here’s a post about why Clarke and Murphy will never bond over isolation and survival.

*The clashing of Ontari and Murphy’s personalities was hilarious and I enjoyed watching them on screen together.

[incoherentlynonexistent-blog]

Worst state of mind

Is when I tell myself over and over

Especially after breaking down at the thought of you

I try convincing myself that I fucking hate you

The worst part is when I contradict myself

Fuck I want to hate you for what you put me through

I wish I could mean how badly I hated who you've become

It goes with great sadness

That I admit to only loving you more

Because from my side

It looks as if you have life going....

More so than me definently......

Its why I feel worthless

I'm sure losing me wasn't as heartbreaking....

It Doesn't matter to you how my thoughts go

You don't care to even come around any more....

I don't know what I want to feel

I'm literally torn between broken and angry

To suicidally depressed

I'm sad every day no doubt....

I'm down about myself

Because even when I treated you the best

I still get the worst in return

All the things you have done and are still doing

I wouldnt have even thought of doing the same to you

Even after the fact of everything

I hold that still in my heart

Because its not like you were remorseful

Its not like you tried to make a difference

You've been ok with me being like this for three years now

I can't even hate you for that

I want to though

I wish I fucking could

You haven't made anything better

Not that you can't

Its the matter of you not wanting to

As if that helps the situation

Like that helps me forgive you

If anything I just find more and more faults

With every day that has passed

And for everyday that is to come

Until you actually approach me

Tell me how remorseful you really are to my face

Not behind a phone screen like a coward

But like a decent human being.....

Unless you're still butt hurt over things ive said

Like you haven't and if you're still not doing worse

Words do hurt

But have you ever believed in someone so much

That for everyday they're not there

Its like someone's ripping your chest apart...

It's the mental and physical pain

Added with the emotional side

You can say how badly it hurt

But nothing compares to what you did

You have the ability to make it go away

But you choose not to

As if that isn't going to make me more frustrated

Because I'm constantly respecting yours and everyone else's wishes

But ill be damned if mine can ever be granted

God forbid can I actually be happy for once

The ability to stay that way for more than a few minutes

With that being said

Its another reason to be mad with you

Its another reason why I should hate your guts

The difference between mine and your actions

Mine hasn't fucked you up to the point you are reluctant to live without me....

Your daily routine wasnt nor ever will be tainted because of one persons broken promises

I mean even if what I said and the way I acted is the reason being

Than you really are ignorant and a hypocrite

Bad enough you're a heartless person

At Least that's what it seems

You wouldn't even bother to try for me any more....

Within the past two years

You've never gone out your way to really be here

If I acted out of line

You shunned me out and abruptly ended the only friendship I had....

Ive still yet to make any more friends....

Ive yet to belong anywhere.....

Maybe that's what it is with you

Perhaps you were the first person to let me in

You made me feel important

And it was because of how you appreciatively acknowledged the fact I treated you the best...

So for once in my life, I felt like the hero

I actually felt successful....

Losing you was as if I were stripped of all my powers

I feel like I can't do anything right

Its the way you looked at me

You looked at me like nobody ever has

That's where I fucked up.....

I mistakened that acknowledgement and praise

I guess I thought that was love

When clearly it was lust

Because she's moved on in life

Leaving me in the dust

Of all things and reasoning

Why did you leave me so fucked up

How can you make me feel like that and then make it just disappear.....

It's literally like watching liquid being sucked by a vacuum

Shoommmm

Gone....

And im the one still looking foolish

She's left me in the worst state of mind.....

How could I have been so fucking stupid......

She never would have fallen for me

God thinking all that time

This is to good to be true....

And I was right.....

Because its gone....

Just like she is too.....

@radbakon

[fearlessandfreespirited]

To the one following me, from afar

      You still follow me daily. Not physically but mentally. You have scarred me, altered my mental state. As I will always walk with your shadow.      There are so many things to say to you if i went back to day one. Many things i would say, that i was too afraid of saying before. Things i know would anger you, and make you want to hurt me. There are so many things, That i could spit twards you. I'll say this.       I'll forgive you.      I hated myself everyday, our whole time together. I admit i didnt fall in love with you. I fell in love with the release. It was all a distraction from the emotional wreckage i carried with me the day we met. I was hurt by a short term issue, and you were nothing more than a therapist. At least you told me you were.      I had low self esteem, to which you groped. You saw my distress, and you used that weakness to mold me into someone i now look back, and have absolutely no love for.       See the thing is, somehow you made me think you loved me, You had me fooled. You used kind words to gain from my weakened heart. Lied from the begining. Gave me a facade that you were a therapist. Made me believe i needed you. Because you numbed my pain with your false security. You spoke words that covered the other half of my heart. Used a tounge of gold and words of love, that i was missing in that one moment.        I made the mistake of listening to your altering words from the day we met. I trusted your lies. You made me jump into an illusion of what i wanted. I dont understand how i was sheepish enough to let you instantly flip my pain. Leaving me dispensing it at the person i longed for the most. How could i be so easily turned against the only person i needed. I had made mistakes but he had not been one. How could i let words change me. You made me think he didnt even want me? You fucked up my head. I thought i was stronger. You twisted me into feeling a new hurt, by someone who wasn't even there to hurt me. You rewired my mind with words and illusions. You re-crafted the mind of the woman you had in your clutch. Yet you left me still feeling i wasn't good enough?      You've kept me up, and continue to keep me up at night. You caused my utter disgust twards life itself... My utter hatred twards that weak minded fool, that walked in on that awful day. I blamed myself for your actions. But no such blame exists anymore. I was weak, and i allowed you to change my views. I never deserved the pain you delivered. No person, deserves the actions you have shown twards me.  We fought so much, and severely. You've pushed me through windows. You've beat me with fists. You've cut me with kitchen knives. You have tossed me around like i was nothing. Acttacking for my disobedience twards your sexist visions. Do you still hear me screaming for you to "please, stop" over and over again until my lungs burned. You got upset at any sign of me being my own person. We never talked about what was wrong. When i tried to talk about what was wrong, you hurt me. You lie, so much. You've lied to me, to everyone. When your'e asked why i left you, does it feel less haunting by making yourself the victim? I foolishly fell for the “it wont happen again”s your “im sorry baby”s the “I'm getting help”s.            All of it; And still.        I will forgive you.       There is no hope in hatred twards you. Hating only harms me, i cant hate that you created who i became. I can never undo you not stopping after i asked you too. The bruises have healed, but my bones still crack. Although i can never get back the things you stole from me, I still choose to be the bigger person.       Because of you, I now know what i want, What i need, And what i deserve; not only from a partner, but from anyone within my life.        Because of you i remember what it was like before you, I remember that love. I now know to not tolerate those that make me feel worthless.        You taught me what; Narcissism, Severe anger, Compulsive lying, Mental and Physical abuse, Manipulation, Abandonment, Paranoia, Controlling, and Mental destruction; looks, and feels like.      Ive gained the beautiful freedom from your hypnotic tounge. I am a lot of things because of you're actions, and my decisions. I am not forgiving you because anything you did to me was ever okay. I choose to forgive you because you shown me what love, is not.       And No, its not giving you credit for the upbringing, that your sneaking downward pull, broke me to choose. I am just stating that i have choosen to forgive you, for you brought me down so far into a mental captivity; That I am forced to climb back up from. I admit to myself that i had allowed myself to hurt.  I could have left quicker. I made that choice. ME.               I gathered the strength, and courage to help myself. I did that. I made the change that finally ended my suffering. All by acknowledging you were no good for me. You are not better than me Sir, you are cowardly. I own up to the reality that everyone make mistakes, even me.       For your momma, you are in a very hard spot. I respect, and care for your safety and health. I have personally seen the fear he placed in your eyes. He puts you in a position i felt stuck in, like a deer in headlights. It's worse for you, are his mother. You recieve disrespect through his actions to women, to other people and his blatant lack of shame or remorse.      I stood up for myself;   Yes, physically. i was left fearing my own life. I never intended to harm anyone. Even in fighting back i put his well being before mine. I felt i deserved the pain. Because i let his words bring me to where i was. I tore a heart full of love for no fucking reason. So I did not retaliate until i felt he was hurting me to much for me to handle. For the better, i stood up by leaving. I wish it was as simple as leaving him for you. He feeds off of you, and has caused your health to deteriorate. He would be lost without you, for he can not care for himself. Yet he runs your life. I sincerely hope you find peace. Before you lose all strength. He is slowly killing you. Please dont look down apon me, for standing up and saving myself. But, for him...       I will forgive you for my newfound anxiety issues, My Night terrors, My lack of trust, My fear of men, My scars, The avoidable broken hearts and the death of my old self; into a woman who thinks about what the next person will do to her.        I'll forgive you for making me believe that your gift of my never ending fear, constant paranoia and self hate was love. I have forgiven you. Sincerely, Katt

[seamtress]

Tw abuse

me thinks I will begin to do what I want from now on. obviously can’t trust anyone. so I’m gonna come up with my plan and if he feels me fading away like last time I’m not going to scramble to fix it. Im starting to realize that maybe he’s just too triggering for me and that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to be together. But the issue is that his voice is in the back of my head calling me ugly and worthless and fat. And now I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror and he keeps saying the girl I want to move in with is trying to traffic me. In reality it’s because he wants me to feel like leaving him is a punishment meaning I have to go home and be surrounded by all my memories of him. but no, sorry I want to still live away from all that and leave it behind along with my memory of you 💖

Anyway, time to force myself to lose weight and clear up my skin. I’m going to be selling some of my old stuff to pay for the gym and other upgrades to my life. :) tired of being unhappy because of him. I know it’s not going to be easy in the end but hopefully I’ll have enough to support myself with therapy. I know no one reads this stuff hence why I post it here

but I can’t wait to have a partner that respects me one day. that won’t put their hands on me. that won’t send me spiraling. that isn’t constantly testing me. that doesn’t do stuff behind my back and then blame me for it. i want someone who brings out the best in me and doesn’t hold me back from being what I want.

[queerafterthought]

Everything is a lie. Everything. I don’t know what to belive anymore and I don’t trust anyone anymore. No matter what I do he’ll find a way to make it worse. He always goes for the gut where it’ll hurt. He knows I’ll think about it non stop it’ll eat away at me. He can say the worst things to me make me feel like I’m nothing but everyone sees me as an immature child and I’m always wrong. Just cause he said so. If i cant sit down with someone and have an “adult conversion” 10 mins after they just told me I was insane cause I had to go to a mental hospital for bpd and tell me I’m evil. Told me id never be anything never have any power threatened to put me on the street call the police on me. He said i have no friends. They were never mine they’re his. And he has the power to make them not like me. And now after i thought that things would be different this time it seems like its going to be the same. He controls the situation and i have no power and it wont take long until everyone thinks im in the wrong. And im not saying that i didnt do my fair share of bad things that culminated into where im at now but for the people i considered to be my closest friends here say that my actions are childish and immature when all I asked for is space and to stop being harassed and forced into conversation with someone who broke my heart and makes me feel worthless and tried to put me out on the street makes me feel like shit. Like I don’t matter. My feelings dont matter and they never will. And now I’m doubting everything positive that was said to me recently cause now I feel like they were all lies. But like he said they’re not my friends they never were. And I can’t help to think that if they never saw me again it wouldn’t change their lives at all. This isn’t what I wanted. I tried to fix it. I tried to forget all the things he said in the past tell my brain to forget that he didn’t mean it. But I couldn’t and over time I grew to resent him for how he made me feel. Get mad at me because I couldn’t get over that fact that he called me a horrible girlfriend and that if he saw me getting jumped he wouldn’t help me cause I didn’t believe that our friends jumped him because they clearly didnt. Im pretty sure if he had actually gotten jumped he wouldnt have went over to their house 4 days later and gotten drunk with them. And i mean like i said im not so dense to see that I did do some wrong things too. But I never actually tried to hurt his feelings and make him feel bad. I have to work on some anger issues I’m aware. Even though I feel like no one believes me I have been looking for another psychiatrist and therapist just want a specific one. And I feel like I should be comfortable with who I’m talking to and shouldn’t have to compromise on that. I know it’ll take some time to find what I’m looking for but it doesn’t mean I’m not looking. I want to get re medicated cause the meds I have now make me feel like shit. Like sometimes I feel like ima pass out other times I’m a zombie and anything in between. He brings up how they “used to work” and I remember the days he was talking about. I thought they worked too. But they didn’t stop the thoughts or the urges of what I wanted to do to myself they just made me numb I got so disconnected from everything and everyone that anyone who reached out to me I clung to them to stay sane. I know because of this I made some mistakes did some things I know I shouldn’t have done but I wasn’t trying to hurt him or be bad I just wanted to maintain one of the only friendships I had left back at home. But it doesn’t matter cause the friendship got lost all of them did. I don’t have friends back at home anymore not really. I have people that I disconnected from because my dissociative habits got the better of me and I spent most of my time back at home trying to remember what day it was and where the time went and what I was doing (which was nothing) trying so hard to cling to reality but end up cooped up in my room for weeks at a time only leaving it to go to work or the bathroom or eat. I’m not excusing my behavior but I could tell the meds were losing their placebo affect and we’re not meshing with my body. They told me this might happen but I was already bound to come back to memphis at this point and I thought that if I took what I needed when I was too deep in my emotions it would help a little but I was wrong if anything I think it made it worse cause they weren’t reacting well with my body and taking them irregularly can’t be any better. But I was still trying. Really hard. Trying to keep everything together keep my emotions in check because it got to the point where I didn’t feel comfortable expressing myself or my emotions to him. If i wasn’t happy it made him mad. But it’s hard when everything in your brain is pushing you to feel your emotions so strong and even when I tried my hardest I would still be really mad and upset over the words he said to me and I couldn’t forget them. Those words cut so deep that it changed how I felt and so my actions became synonymous. I started to act colder because I was hurt and I felt like he didn’t deserve for me to be sweet or nice because he never understood how much he hurt me everytime. I can’t get over hearing those things be said to me by someone I loved and get over it in 10 mins when he’s ready talk and forget it ever happened and change nothing. I deserve to be able to talk about things when I’m ready and I shouldn’t be forced to or made to feel like a child because it’s not on his terms. Just because he said sorry. I remember when he told me that when I said I’m sorry it didn’t mean shit. And the part that fucks me up the most is that no one told me this in person. They talked about it behind my back but to my face they tell me I’m strong and I’m doing the right thing for me and I shouldn’t have to talk to him if I don’t want to and I deserve my space. Why am I immature? Is it because I took everthing in the house that was mine and put it in the back room so i could look after my things because i was afraid they’d be thrown out? That i sleep on the floor for the moment cause i dont want him to use the fact that i slept in his bed aginst me? Because he told me that they were his property and I can’t sleep in it. That I don’t feel comfortable enough to inhabit another room besides in the very back because he’s made points to tell me that this is “his house ” and give me ultimatums threating to kick me out because I wasn’t here to put my name on the lease so he has the power to (something he told me id never have) even though I pay to live here too but I’ve never truly felt like i was apart of this house no matter how much I tried to decorate and make it feel like our home but it never was mine the whole time I felt like I was paying him to live here not the landlord. Is it because when he told me to pack up my dollar tree shit and get out i took him seriously? Is it because i burned pictures of us and gifts because it was too hard to look at and be reminded of how far my relationship had fallen? By no means does this scenario alone make me want to kill myself but it adds the notion that I believe I am a burden that no one truly wishes to deal with which does make me want to end this sad life i live. He publicly tries to push my buttons make me seen crazy to people. Some people believe him. Through everything the thing that hurts my feelings the most is that everyone still talks to him. If someone treated my friends like this i wouldnt talk to them invite them places when i know they are mentally manipulating and abusing my friend. His feelings and inclusion means more than me and my feelings. He can harrass me in the streets at bars convince people to not talk to me but when he is screaming in my face to the point where he needs to be physically pulled away because I didn’t want to talk to him it’s still my fault. The cops said so too. Tried to get a restraining order and I can’t. Cause even the cops take his side. And my friends were there witnessed it and just pretend like nothing happened or do nothing. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who treated my friends like that so cruelly. I don’t talk to people that my friends have issues with. The most superficial and petty reasons why they would be hurt if i even said hi. And i know they would never say it but i would hurt their feelings. So why cant i be hurt by the fact that no one stopped talking to him. When they see how he treats me. I do what i do for them out of respect and support but they can’t do the same when I’m clearly being harassed. she died i always said it should have been me. Everyone liked her better. She was better than me. Im just a knockoff. If she were still alive my niece and nephew would still be together and my nephew wouldnt be getting abused regularly with us not being able to do anything about it cause the court decided that his asshole sperm donor has more paternal rights than his family who raised him but this pimple on the asscrack of socieity who was never in his life can swoop in and literally snatch him out of school and move him away and we only get to see him 1 weekend out of the month. That 3 days out of the whole fucking month that he doesnt get beat. He has anxiety attacks. Hes 6. When he realizes he has to go back to his “dad” he starts hyperventilating and we have to try to calm him down so he can breathe. I can already tell hes gonna grow up with issues and it breaks my heart that he might grow up to be anything like me in that regard. Meanwhile my niece has had her only immediate family cruelly taken from her by snakes in people skin. Her father was never in her life either. I fear that soon mine won’t be either. My dad won’t tell me everything even though I tell him to tell me I know he holds some stuff back. I think the cancer is spreading and all I think about is how long left I have with him. My grandmother is in the stages of dementia. Soon she won’t remember me I’ll lose the last grandparent I have but not from death. When I was still in the relationship he would tell me I bring home burdens that weigh him down. But he says sorry so I shouldn’t believe the nasty things he says even though he’s said them more than once on different occasions. I just feel so lied to It wouldn’t matter. It doesnt matter. I don’t matter. Honestly I don’t think i ever did But I have to do this I have to stay strong for her. She left me 2 children to take care of. A part of her and I’ll be damned if I fuck it up. I can fuck up my life but not theirs

[hueman-blog]

Answering Personal Questions

I made a user I follow, @razzledazzlefoshazzle , answer all of these on his blog. I’m feeling guilty so I’m gonna do it too. I know none of you asked but HERE GOES MY PERSONAL INFO!!!

200: My crush’s name is: Averi 
199: I was born in: Place? Lancaster, PA, USA. Year? 1999 
198: I am really: Bored and unmotivated 
197: My cellphone company is: Apple 
196: My eye color is: Brown 
195: My shoe size is: 8-9 Women’s US 
194: My ring size is: Idk, something little 
193: My height is: 5'4" I’m little 
192: I am allergic to: Stupid people 
191: My 1st car was: Never had one 
190: My 1st job was: Cashier at California Tortilla (a fast food Mexican franchise around D.C.) 
189: Last book you read: Cradle and All 188: My bed is: My safest place, my true home, and also too empty 
187: My pet: Doesn’t do much 
186: My best friend: Is my girlfriend 
185: My favorite shampoo is: Shamu 
184: Xbox or ps3: Deck of cards 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute decoration, inefficient coin collector 
182: In my pockets: I’m in pajamas 
181: On my calendar: Work, as that’s the only thing in my life scheduled. Also a haircut within a few days 
180: Marriage is: Great for legal benefits, stupid for expensive ceremonies 
179: Spongebob can: Please end soon it turned idiotic long ago 
178: My mom: Is abusive (sorry to bring the mood down) 
177: The last three songs I bought were? Who buys songs anymore?? 
176: Last YouTube video watched: History of the World 
175: How many cousins do you have? On my dad’s side, 8. On my mom’s side, no idea 
174: Do you have any siblings? An older brother 
173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 
172: Are you taller than your mom? Probably not 
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 
170: What did you do yesterday? Absolutely nothing just like every day

[ I Believe In ] 
169: Love at first sight: Nope 
168: Luck: Yes 
167: Fate: Nope 
166: Yourself: Not really 
165: Aliens: Yeah there’s gotta be some life out there 
164: Heaven: No 
163: Hell: No 
162: God: The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Hell yes. Be boiled for your sins 
161: Horoscopes: Nope and frankly if you do I find you uneducated 
160: Soul mates: No 
159: Ghosts: Nah 
158: Gay Marriage: Believing??? In love,??? And commitment??????? Between two people???????? Obviously! 
157: War: Never 
156: Orbs: I believe in Orbeez 
155: Magic: No it’s just science we can’t explain, or illusions we can’t see the entirety of

[ This or That ] 
154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 
153: Drunk or High: Music 
152: Phone or Online: Online on my phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: Hot 
148: Summer or winter: Summer 
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 
145: Night or Day: Night 
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 
140: Mac or PC: Mac!! 
139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip Flops 
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and sweet are opposites now?? I guess sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Fruit Punch 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 
134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 
133: Coach or Chanel: Money to spend on actual useful things 
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who??? 
131: Small town or Big city: Big City 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both suck, but I’d choose Stiller 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure. My feet are too ticklish 
127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast USA 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I don’t like being the center of attention 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: What is a sport? How do??

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 
122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing 
121: George Bush: “Mr. President, what are your thoughts on Katrina?” “We’re gonna find her. And we’re gonna bring her to justice.“ 
120: Gay Marriage: Its a marriage between two people in love. Celebrate, but don’t go broke in one day 
119: The presidential election: Media and rich people control it basically, and I’d rather it be an actual democratic popular vote. Trump is a clown and should have never won 
118: Abortion: Its a woman’s right to choose. Personally I think the world is overpopulated anyway and more people should adopt rather than try to conceive 
117: MySpace: Never had one 
116: Reality TV: Scripted, not reality 
115: Parents: Good or bad, they influence your whole life because they were there at the start. Mine went bad and ruined me 
114: Back stabbers: Oh I love them- what?? They suck. No one should be betrayed like that 
113: Ebay: Never used it but it got the ball rolling for Amazon 
112: Facebook: I only use it to message/call my friends, and to see unlimited amounts of dogs 
111: Work: It’s a necessary evil 
110: My Neighbors: Quiet, the only one I met was a total bitch though 
109: Gas Prices: I don’t drive 
108: Designer Clothes: C'mon people there are way better uses for your money 
107: College: Shouldn’t be expected of teenagers 
106: Sports: Boring, overhyped, the players overpaid 
105: My family: Worthless, judgmental pricks 
104: The future: Uncertain

[ Last time I ] 
103: Hugged someone: Sunday (3 days ago), when my friend picked me up from work 
102: Last time you ate: Italian ice about 1.5 hours ago (8:15pm) 
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A month ago 
100: Cried in front of someone: A month ago maybe?? 
99: Went to a movie theater: Many many months ago 
98: Took a vacation: A year ago 
97: Swam in a pool: Two years ago? 
96: Changed a diaper: Never 
95: Got my nails done: My 16th birthday I think (almost two years ago) 
94: Went to a wedding: Eight years ago? 
93: Broke a bone: Never 
92: Got a peircing: I was 14 and got my ears pierced (almost 4 years ago) 
91: Broke the law: Never 
90: Texted: A minute ago

[ MISC ] 
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Brad. He’s so inappropriate but his jokes I cannot stop laughing at 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Not paying bills other than Internet 
87: The last movie I saw: Coraline 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving to California 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: Paying for rent in California 
84: People call me: To friends: Lys. To family: Alyssa. To my girlfriend: Lyssy. To everyone else: annoying 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: Get up out of bed every day 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope I do not drive 
81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer 
80: The first person i talked to today was: My friend Jessica 
79: First time you had a crush: Preschool, this boy in my class Marshall 
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Myself 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday, idk? 
76: Right now I am talking to: My phone in the way of typing 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Survive hopefully. I also wanna be a flight attendant 
74: I have/will get a job: Have a job as assistant manager of an arcade 
73: Tomorrow: I’m going food shopping and seeing my annoying cousin Barbara (she has two boyfriends and they both treat her like shit. It’s not poly it’s just cheating) 
72: Today: I actually made a meal that was nice 
71: Next Summer: I’ll be living in California 
70: Next Weekend: I have to face my parents for the first time since February. I hate it 
69: I have these pets: A ball of moss named Mo 
68: The worst sound in the world: My girlfriend crying 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My father 
66: People that make you happy: My girlfriend Averi 
65: Last time I cried: A few weeks ago?? 
64: My friends are: Averi, Raven, Jessica 
63: My computer is: My phone 
62: My School: Is nonexistent 
61: My Car: Is also nonexistent 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hate on others for no reason 
59: The movie I cried at was: Toy Story 3 
58: Your hair color is: Black 
57: TV shows you watch: None 
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr usually 
55: Your dream vacation: California 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Once I got constipated a few months ago for 48 hours. I screamed 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium 
52: My room is: Either super messy or super clean. Right now messy 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Jacksepticeye 
50: Where would you like to be: In my girlfriend’s arms on a beach 
49: Do you want children: Right now I don’t think I ever would but if I ever did I’d adopt 
48: Ever been in love: Yes I am now 
47: Who’s your best friend: My girl 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl friends 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Sleeping 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: AVERI 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Stalin did 
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope 
41: Have you pre-named your children: I did with my ex. Never again 
40: Last person I got mad at: My grandmother 
39: I would like to move to: California 
38: I wish I was a professional: Sleeper [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish Fish or Nerds 
36: Vehicle: Volkswagen Beetle 
35: President: Biden 
34: State visited: California 
33: Cellphone provider: Cricket 
32: Athlete: Me, running from my responsibilities 
31: Actor: Eddie Redmayne 
30: Actress: Anna Kendrick 
29: Singer: Laura Jane Grace 
28: Band: Against Me! 
27: Clothing store: Thrift shops 
26: Grocery store: Safeway 
25: TV show: Adventure Time 
24: Movie: Wall-E 
23: Website: Pornhu- I mean Tumblr 
22: Animal: Red Panda 
21: Theme park: Disney World 
20: Holiday: Christmas 
19: Sport to watch: Extreme Chess Mega X 
18: Sport to play: How Late Can I Get Up Before Concerning My Family 
17: Magazine: :enizagaM 
16: Book: The Underneath 
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: Any beach 
13: Concert attended: Fall Out Boy x Paramore 
12: Thing to cook: Pasta with alfredo sauce 
11: Food: Bacon egg & cheese on a bagel 
10: Restaurant: TGI Fridays 
9: Radio station: Night Vale Community Radio 
8: Yankee candle scent: Ass 
7: Perfume: Averi’s 
6: Flower: Averi 
5: Color: Orange - the color of Averi’s voice 
4: Talk show host: John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham 
2: Dog breed: Corgi 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Hell yeah I wouldn’t lie to you

[cratersofme-blog]

August 14, 2016

When we left high school I was lost, and I didnt have any hop of meeting friends. I didnt want to get close to anyone because I was too mad at you for not being there. Little did I know that you were looking out for me by keeping your distance. Although I felt as if I deserved to know, I still carried on. So much, that I even Tattooed “Dont ever change” because you told me not too. And I did change. I became something I wasnt. Ask everyone at JJAY, they always knew something was off about me. It was the fact that I didnt have you. And they all noticed that when you came, you were all I needed and the empty void was filled. You talk about that picture, it wasnt even about the picture. It was the fact that for once I felt like you were pulling away from me because of Riyad, and I still do. One day you guys will get close because that’s how you are. You tend to care. I hated seeing that you kept trying to make sure he ate and all of that because it took years for us to get to that level and it took him less than a month. So when I got shut down I felt shut out. Like you have no clue what it means to me that I even get to experience it. You send these vibes that cause all my muscles to contract, and slowly release into a peace I cant get anywhere else.

You talk about suicide, and believe me I know we all have our moments. But after what I told you? You feel guilty bringing it up? Yes I love her. But cant you see how much I need you. Suicide has been on my mind for years, everytime I drink. I want to hit things to make sure I can feel. You feel worthless? You have parents and a family who care. I do to, but not like that. Imagine all of this, Farishta, my ten year secret, everything Ive done, school, friends, my bros, videogames, work, and the gym. Do you know what kind of burden that puts on you? No, but thats not my point. My point is, that regardless of how heavy the burden may get, you keep me in check. I do it for you. I keep going because thats what you would want. And im sad because I cant do the same for you. May allah take your life today? I look up, and say “ see you soon” to Vinny, my grandfather, and even Farishta.

You have no idea what you mean to me. The pain? I dont care if it never subsides. Aslong as I have you. So I’m fucking sorry im acting like this.. because I feel like.. im losing you.

—————————

Alvin you don’t understand how much I get this. I feel just the way you feel. But you’re not understanding what our conversation was about. You bringing up high school and college is what we’ve built on. This is something what we’ve been through. Your tattoo and everything you mentioned is the base of our relationship. What you’re telling me is something I’ve been appreciated and still do. And I understand where you’re coming from. I feel like you’re making me feel so bad by mentioning our past. Our past is beautiful and we’ve built from it and what you’ve done for me is what I’ve built on. For you to bring this up right now though during our argument has no correlation. You’re brining up our past and then brining up Riyad the next second. You mentioned how easy it was for Riyad and I to get close in a month. One month with me is nothing. Four to five years with you means everything. We’ve literally attached our lives together. That’s where our effort is. That’s what will always bring me back to you. Riyad and I have nothing, and I haven’t even spoken to him all day and it’s funny because I actually forgot until I went though my messages. Its not about one month. It’s about the history and depth that we have that I will never have with Riyad.

I guess I should’ve spoken to you about it. I wish I would’ve seen that but just understand that I saw it in a different point of view. You got the idea that I shut you down but I wish you can see the amount of respect I was giving to Raveena and you breaking the promise. Now that I know it’s okay to bring it up I will do so. Each time we go through something like these we learn from each other and where our comfort zones are. We’re still learning from each other and you’re teaching me how to get to you in better ways and that’s what I want. It put me in such a position where you broke a promise and here is a girl who went though something a human should never have to go through. I was in such a position I didn’t know if I should bring it up. But now I know that I can. We hadn’t gone through a specific situation where it’s our significant other involved. And trust me you don’t need feel shut downed because I have literally had this in the back of my mind since you told me.

And honestly the only reason why I keep going and I’m strong each day is because I know at the end of day I want to spend it by speaking to you and not ever missing another moment of ours together. That’s what I hold onto. So don’t be sad that you can’t do the same for me when in fact you are. And that’s the honest truth. And for the record. You’re not loosing me. You never will. Even when I die. I’ll be haunting you.

———————— On the phone:

I’m jealous. You know that. Didn’t know what to do. Jealousy caused me to be funny with everyone. Bothered me. Brushing it off. Tried to. It’s not that serious told myself to relax. I can’t lie. It bothers me. I can’t find a way around it. Something I have to deal with on my own. Can’t say anything to change how I feel. I don’t get it. So I don’t except me to get it. Idk makes me feel like you want to talk him. I’m not gonna lie. This is going to put a wedge between us until I figure it out. It wasn’t about the picture. That’s the way my mind was working. Convincing myself to be different. Kept being disappointing. You’re everything I’ve always want. Hard to admit. But it’s true. It’s me. I don’t think anyone else had an impact the kind you have on me. It’s so foreign. I get what you have to say. The message you’re conveying I get. Idk what else you can say to change what I feel. I can’t do much else. Who I’m with you is someone you wouldn’t want. When I was distant there was way more. What happened when you become uninteresting. I can’t say that you can say that to me and mean it. I was mad at myself. Can’t change how I feel.

The whole thing with raveena. I don’t want to talk about it. I learned today about a person in a position of power can only understand his life if he looks at two directions at once. Past and presence and future. I get it. I told you that stuff in confidence. The reason I drank is not only you. It was everything else. No one saved me. Not even you. I was gone.

Suicide. At a point you don’t know what it’s like and know that they did that because they felt unloved. You’re not unloved you know that. I’ll give you a 110 and all if you needed it. I’ll give you all. I really don’t know. I decided this Riyad thing distant thing if it puts a wedge between us I can’t do anything about. What’s done is done. I’m exhausted. Don’t have time to be mad. Don’t have time to think about this problem I’ll think she lied she’ll keep me from being hurt don’t keep things from me. I don’t want you here if you’ll keep things from me. I just don’t. That’s not how I work. I give you 110 all the time. I only did it with you. I kept my distant from all these people because only one gained my trust.

You’re not some hoe. I genuinely love you. There’s a feeling when I think of you I can’t explain. It was a test for the picture. I wanted you at the same time. When I look at you I close my eyes or where ever I am I think of us I get goosebumps. Feelings that make my muscles contract cause it consumes and I’ve never felt it with anyone else but you. I gave up once I felt like you were pulling away. If I feel like this insecure worrying about texting Riyad or not I guess it’s worth it if I have you right that’s all I gotta say for myself. Not much you can say because it won’t change anything.

[mythoughts---biploar2-skypo-blog]

Jibber jabber

I came to a realization, that's I'm worthless.

I have no respect, I'm lazy, stupid, rude, nasty, offensive, I am a bitch, self absorbed.

I'm ugly, inside and out.

I'm fucking useless.

Just an all round absolute piece of shit.

I question every decision i make on how I spend that time.

I've realised how precious time is, and I constantly worry about using it wisely.

But I proceed to do nothing.

I back out of commitments, or just refuse to commit in the first place.

I disappoint others and because of that I'm disappointing myself.

I waste time on doing things I don't even like doing.

But I do them because they are easy.

I've been meaning to do things for years, i've been meaning to change for years but I never do.

It's like i'm waiting on a moment to wake up and it just never comes.

Whatever, i'll never change.

I don't have it in me.

I've spoken to my mum a few days ago, I said a few things about my bipolar.

About how it's not her fault that im so royally fucked in the head.

I apologized for being a massive disappointment, not just to her but my dad, brothers and sister too.

Not to mention the only friends i had..

And if I were to go I'd want my organs donated, just not my eyes, because i would hate for anyone to see the world they way i do...

I'm not saying im going to kill myself, but I honestly don't know at this point.

It's not out of the list of possibilites.

All im saying is i kinda want to eliminate this pointless shitstain of an existence.

But i don't, not really.

I just don't want to be me.

I always have had this overwhelming feeling of sadness, that I just can't overcome.

It comes in stages.

Some i can handle.

Others i can't, they leave me unable to breathe.

Like when I'm having fun with friends or family, this overwhelming feeling of numbness and dread hits me so hard.

I begin to shut down with no explanation, nothing triggering it.

Suddenly i having trouble enjoying myself with people who I enjoy to be around.

These seem to be the most inferior episodes.

I've lost those i held closest because of them.

Because I'm me.

I have absolutely no idea how to get better.

If i can get better.

Do i want to get better?

I'm tempted to just give up.

I'm tired of trying to fix my problems.

I'm tired if battling myself.

I don't know where to go or what to say or what to do anymore, i'm completely lost.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm lost at what to do.

I've got no motivation, no drive anymore.

I'm absolutely pathetic.

I just want to hide away.

If I'm not at work, I'm cured up in bed.

Ignoring the world.

I want company but i feel no one wants me around because of the way i am.

Im exhausted.

Not only physically, but also mentally.

Mentally exhausted from having to apologize for who i am.

Mentally exhausted from trying to convince myself i deserve to be here, be alive.

Physically and mentally exhausted from living.

I’m tired, so fucking tired.

I’m having an episode but I’m not so far gone, part of my rational mind is still present telling me there’s no reason to feel the way I do.

Yet the dark part of my mind still won’t release it’s grip.

So I’m crying and feeling like I’m unloved and worthless yet part of me is still conscious enough to know it’s a lie.

But I’m just not strong enough to take back control.

It’s so confusing.

The uncertainty.

The fact i don’t know if I'm going to wake up in the same horrible mood, a worse one or a better one.

Not knowing if one day im going to stop being able to actually function completely.

The uncertainty of whether i will be able to hold down my job while also trying to keep my head above water.

I can’t think straight, can’t form proper sentences, don’t know if i want social interaction or to be isolated.

Don’t enjoy what I usually would, but don’t have anything else to do and i can’t focus on work when I'm there.

That awful combo of a lack of concentration, exhaustion and detachment is sending me insane.

I get so forgetful, my mind gets so foggy and i can’t focus and any memories past about three months are spotty at best and mostly feel like someone elses.

I end up feeling so flustered all the time, like im falling apart and losing my mind.

Any feelings of being inadequate are made worse, especially when im working and my job is demanding me to be mentally present and sociable.

Awareness of all the things that are wrong, but the inability to fix any of it.

Tired, but I can’t sleep, my brain is full of information and thoughts.

Yet I can’t focus or concentrate at work.

The physical and emotional pain and weariness and feeling like I have to apologize for all of it.

It’s exhausting.

I struggle to get out of bed, sometimes for hours.

Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting.

If I manage to do that, I'm ready for a nap.

People don’t understand, but being mentally ill is so unbelievably exhausting.

The need to make everything perfect and everyone happy, even if it’s taking all my energy.

As if validation from someone else will make it all better...

I'll do whatever it takes to make someone else happy, since I don’t feel happy most of the time it just makes me feel a little better seeing someone else a little happier.

But at the same time, every time I interact with someone I always think that they think that they think bad of me.

Maybes it's because I stutter a little when Im nervous.

Or that my voice gets really high and i ramble when I’m anxious.

Every interaction that I have I over think and have obsessive thoughts about how I said what I said, and the impression I left on that person.

I've have serious trust issues.

Whenever someone gives me a compliment, I never believe them.

I always think that they saying that because they feel bad for me.

I don't believe anything anyone tells me.

I’ve tried to isolate myself from my friends because I think that they are only friends with me because they feel bad for me.

It just the little things that they do.

Facial expressions they made, the tone of voice that they use. 

[elliotthezubat]

DEATH CITY DAYS CHAPTER 50

when one book closes, another one opens

-BOOOOM- atsushi: ACK! O-O;;; -atsushi makes a run for the elevator- Akutagawa: "Be gone. I am not here for dessert yet." *tries to throw Fitzgerald aside* "I want the main course!" atsushi: *SCREAMS and jumps into the elevator, struggling to close the button* come on come on come on. Fitzgerald: "I will not let two mangy orphaned children impede my plans--" atsushi: SCREW YOU AND YOUR FACE! Akutagawa: "...Orphaned..." *smirks--as he slices the floor beneath Fitzgerald* Fitzgerald: "?!" Akutagawa: "Now you're screwed." *leaps over the falling Fitzgerald, landing in front of the elevator* atsushi: *gulps as the elevator door closes* hhhhheeeeeyyyy akutagawa..... *casually turns off the terminal* we'll have to keep this away from that jerk. Akutagawa: "...You child..." atsushi: pardon? owo; Akutagawa: "You orphan...abandoned by all...so you play hero...so that you hope someone will respect you...let you live...maybe love you." atsushi: ....listen, i know we arent on A-plus terms, but if we're gonna get out of this, we're gonna have to work together and stop fitzgerald. is that cool with you? Akutagawa: "...Like anyone would acknowledge your right to live...Like I ever would..." *sharpens his blades--and stabs them through Atsushi's shoulders, pinning him to the wall* "Fight! Make your death mean something! Make my hunt mean something!" atsushi: im doing what i can dammit! at least im not killing people to make them fear me! im not some crazed lunatic who kills people to flaunt my strength! that would be you. and thats kinda being a huge jerk. Akutagawa: *digs the blades in deeper as he marches up to Atsushi* "I want to be acknowledged! I never got that! No one acknowledged me! Not Dazai! And not you!" atsushi: well i'm acknowledging you're a huge asslord right now! Akutagawa: *puts his hand at the side of Atsushi's head, grabbing a hold of his hair and tugging* "That's not how I want you to acknowledge me! atsushi: what the hell do you want from me?! -ding- -the elevator door opens- Akutagawa: "!!!" atsushi: .....uhhhh...we can explain? owo; AKUTAGAWAPUNCHHIMPLEASE! Fitzgerald: "Hello, Old Sport..." Akutagawa: "..." *stares at Atsushi* "...Now I know..." atsushi: OwO;;; game over man! i turned the terminal off! and if you come any closer. im going to swallow it! Fitzgerald: "I bet you did." Akutagawa: "I know...how to get you...to acknowledge me..." *turns towards Fitzgerald* Fitzgerald: "???" *SLASH* Fitzgerald: *dodges, backing up* Akutagawa: *pursues* Fitzgerald: *dodges* "You can't defeat my enhanced body--" Akutagawa: *slash slash* "Rich boy...If I defeat you, he'll have to acknowledge me..." atsushi: ...... please....i think...dazai acknowledged you long ago. *tiger mode and charges* Akutagawa: "OUT OF MY WAY!" atsushi: IM TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT HERE! Akutagawa: "No! If you help me, then I'm worthless!" atsushi: as if! you're way more experienced! phrasing! Akutagawa: "My experience is so I can get closer to you...in Dazai's eye! PHRASING!" Fitzgerald: "..." *smirks* "My, my. You two _are_ similar..." atsushi: WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW AND YOU ARE BEING FUCKING RUDE! Akutagawa: "INDEED!" *pulls back his fist* "GO AWAY!" Fitzgerald: "?!" -POW- atsushi: see? now that wasnt too difficult, was it? Akutagawa: "...No. It was not." atsushi: so can we- .......oh COME ON! HE'S GOING SUPER SAIYAN?! Akutagawa: "...I do not know what that means." -one epic battle later- -elevator ding- atsushi: oh now what?!...oh. rain:.........*walking over* Fitzgerald: X___X "...Zelda...I'm sorry..." Death the Kid: Akutagawa: "Rain? I instructed you to--" LK: rain: i'll be fine....i'll.....handle this....*gives him a letter* please....after all this...take this to mr nakahara and higuchi. atsushi: ??? Akutagawa: "We don't have time for love letters. We have to stop this whale from falling--" rain: *grabs fitzgerald*....my name is......*jumps off* atsushi: !!!!!!! Akutagawa: "?!" rain: *tearfuly smiles and closes her eyes*.....mito kosaka. cat: *evil grin* oh you idiot. -as she falls, her body begins to contort, but she and fitzgerald vanish into the clouds below- Fitzgerald: "?!!!" Akutagawa: "...What...Why did she...?" rain: (thinking: im sorry.....i wasnt able to keep my promise.....all i can do now...is dream of a future that will never happen) -in her last concious moments, images flash in her mind...an embrace....a dance...a proposal...a wedding...a new child....a happy family....- thank you....chuuya...higuchi. for keeping me going...as long as i did. atsushi:...what...what just.... Akutagawa: "..." *tenses* atsushi:...at least...we stopped the terminal.....right? Akutagawa: "...She is dead, isn't she?" atsushi:....i dont....i dont know...... Akutagawa: "...She was a joke anyway." *still tense* atsushi: *SLAP* SHE JUST JUMPED OFF A PLANE WITH THAT JERK AND YOU JUST INSULT HER?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Akutagawa: "..." *tense, but he's crying* "Because I don't understand why she did it? Why? Explain it to me. Why would someone do anything, when they have been beaten, abused, embarrassed, are just a joke to everyone...Why would they try to save anyone in this world?" atsushi: ........(thinking: so...she was like me....) -something happened to the terminal....a mouse head has appeared on the screen.....counting down by and hour- atsushi: ?!?! Akutagawa: "She wasn't...supposed to be involved. No one wanted her here. But she insisted. And I just wanted her to shut up..." Akutagawa: *notices as well* "...What the hell?" atsushi: oh fuck! oh fucking fuck! i cant stop it! Akutagawa: "...Then what do we do?" atsushi: *running to the main bridge of the ship* Akutagawa: "Wait!" *runs after him* -in the bridge- atsushi: come on. come oooonnnn.... Akutagawa: *typing* "Nothing. This computer will not respond." Melville: "We were hacked...We can't stop it." atsushi: no no no no- ???: "I have a way." atsushi: ?!?! kyouka?! is that you?! Kyoka: "Yes. Hello." atsushi: WHERE ARE YOU?! Kyoka: "An airplane." atsushi: like with people on it? whats your plan? Kyoka: "It is a Guild airplane prison, run by remote control. I am seizing the controls. You will not stop Moby Dick's descent--but you can force it to crash sooner, before it reaches the city, missing it completely." atsushi: that's genius! Melville: "Time to get parachutes..." Akutagawa: "So should that girl." atsushi: crash the plane and jump off, ok? Kyoka: "...I will not jump off." atsushi: .....?! Kyoka: "I should be punished. And besides, I am shackled, and there is nothing here to remove them from my legs." atsushi: !!! t-then use demon snow to cut the shackles then! Kyoka: "Forget me. My life has never had light. But, I can make a choice: sacrifice. myself, for everyone else...Atsushi. I know I could have passed the admission, to join the Detective Agency." atsushi: *tearing up* kyouka... Melville: "It's coming right for us! We leave, now!" atsushi: KYOUKA WAIT! Akutagawa: "...I can't have you die here..." *grabs Atsushi* Kyoka: "...Goodbye." *presses a button* -as they escape...- -BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM- atsushi:.....ah.....*screams* -the remains of the moby dick crash into a large lake- Akutagawa: *coughing* atsushi: *crying* dammit! Akutagawa: "...Fool. She did it out of hope for living in this world's light. She would not have had to lose her life so senselessly, if she had just..." atsushi: why you- Akutagawa: "Is that 'love,' Atsushi?" atsushi: HOW THE HELL CAN YOU ASK A THING LIKE THAT NOW?! Akutagawa: "...Because maybe that's--" Dazai: "That's enough, Atsushi." atsushi: dazai? Dazai: "Kyoka saved this city, demonstrating the honor and virtue of any member of the Detective Agency. She fulfilled her wish." atsushi: *crying* that wont change that she died! kyouka....that other girl.....did they have to die?! Dazai: "..." *rests a hand on his shoulder* "These are their lives. They chose. They had agency--to determine what they wanted to do. Maybe the girl...Rain...had a valid reason, like Kyoka has." atsushi:....mito kosaka.....she said...her name was mito kosaka... Dazai: "...Kosaka? That..." *shakes his head* "...If only she was with the Detective Agency, we could have saved her." atsushi: ....... Dazai: "...We never told you what the boss could do, did we? I mean, aside from playing with cats--" *SMACK* Akutagawa: D: atsushi: ?? mr director? Fukuzawa: *nods* " 'All Are Created Equal.'" atsushi: ??? *looks at dazai* Dazai: "To grant someone with the ability to control their own ability." *points at Atsushi's arms* atsushi: ?? so then... -something comes out from the water- atsushi: ??......!!!!!!!!!! ???: *cough, cough* atsushi: KYOUKA!!! *runs and hugs her* YOU'RE ALIVE!! Kyoka: "..." *cries, starts laughing as she hugs him* Akutagawa: "..." .\\\\. Akutagawa: *gets on his hands and knees* Akutagawa: "Dazai! Nothing is in our way! I will prove my power to you--" Dazai: "...You're at your limit. You even fought off the Guild leader." Dazai: *pat pat* "You've grown strong." Akutagawa: *looks up, shocked...then...* *collapses* atsushi:...he's ok....i think. -elsewhere- lovecraft: *emerges*.....what'd i miss? -elsewhere- twain: well, that stinks. with fitzgerald gone, the whole guild's going to shit. Steinbeck: "Life isn't over, though. Just have to figure out what we do next." twain: not only that, but lucy's went and gone AWOL and poe's just vanished. we'll, time for me to continue my success diary! haha! louisa: i'll search for lord francis..i know he's still alive... twain: and i take it you're going home to see your family? Steinbeck: "...Not yet. Not until this war ends." twain: i dunno, war looks kiiiinda over to me. Steinbeck: "If we don't fight..." *lets go of his crutch, wrapping vines along his foot* "...this war will make Fitzgerald's empire collapse on itself." twain: i thought you hated him? Steinbeck: "I do. Those who manipulate others with money are awful. But this is the price I pay, for relying on wealth to save my family." *puts on his hat* twain: that's pretty big of you. so while you take over the guild, i'll take toshiko out on a date~! Steinbeck: "LIKE HELL! She'll love the head of the Guild more than some underling!" twain: as in a farm boy? as if! i sure as hell know how to show her a good time! lovecraft: too noisy. cant deal. going to bed. *jumps into the water* louisa:....*sweatdrop* Steinbeck: *stares at Lovecraft for a few moments--then turns back at Twain* "There's plenty the farmlife teaches you to please a woman!" twain: really hoping that isnt relevant! -at the agency, a party is held to congratulate kyouka- Ranpo: "More snacks!" Kunikida: *tapping on his tablet* "Too expensive...We didn't budget for this..." atsushi:...um...naomi? miss kirako? kirako: hmm? what is it? Naomi: "???" atsushi:....*gets down on hands and knees, bowing* IM SO SORRY! I HURT YOU WHILE BEING CONTROLLED BY Q AND I DIDNT TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION HOW DANGEROUS MY ABILITY CAN BE! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! kirako:...oh that! oh its fine. atsushi: really? kirako: *HUG* i couldnt stay mad at you! atsushi:.....(thinking: soft and warm.....) =///= (thinking: i could...get used to this...) Naomi: "Agency people have seen worse. It's not worth holding a grudge just because you strangled me and tried to kill me." *smiles* Tanizaki: "...He did what to you?" atsushi: OwO;;;;;; naomi why? -creeeeak- yosano: hmm? hey ranpo, your friend is here. Poe: "...Ranpo? I have...the new manuscript..." Ranpo: "Hey, it's you!" *picks him up and drops him into a chair* "Here, I'll be right back! Someone will get you a drink." secretary: would you like anything, sir? Poe: "Um...I would like *mutter mutter*" secretary:....sir? Poe: "...I need nothing." *fetal position* Ranpo: *talking with others* secretary: ok then... Kyoka: *nom nom nom* -at the mafia executive's office- kouyou: *sipping wine* this is quite nice. a shame miss rain called in sick today. Mori: "I agree--the work is piling up. I'll have to punish her severely for this one." Chuuya: *silent, as he holds the wine bottle to Kouyou* kouyou: *smiles* and akutagawa? Mori: "Has anyone called him? I mean, with Rain not here to do so--" -a mafioso runs in- Mori: "?! We are having a private reception--" mafioso: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!...s-some thing showed up! mafioso 2: a demon! Chuuya: "?!" kouyou:....chuuya, would you mind investigating? Chuuya: "...Save me a glass of wine, at least." *holds his hat and follows to the outside* -in a warehouse, a large cat like entity is tearing the place apart- cat: *SHRIEKS* Chuuya: "!!! For crying out loud...Yo! Kitty!" cat: ?!....*it hesitates, almost sad* *SHRIEKS and charges* Chuuya: *holds up a hand* cat: *it seems to be crying* Chuuya: "?! ...Gravity..." *punches lightly along the cat's snout, causing it to slow and start to rise towards the ceiling* cat: ??!! Chuuya: "Stay..." *smirks* "I know they say herding cats is impossible...but a beast as powerful as you would be quite an asset..." cat:.....p l e a s e......i... w a n t......t o  d i e.... -its voice is distorted....but somehow familiar...- Chuuya: "...What?" higuchi: ?! Chuuya: "..." *lowers the beast to his eye level...holds out a hand to its face* cat:....*tries to speak again, tears falling* Chuuya: "...Why are you in pain..." *releases gravity* cat: *it whimpers....then screams* Chuuya: "?!!!" *tries to block* -shink- cat:......*collapses* Chuuya: "?! What the hell?!" Akutagawa: "..." *retracts* "Done." -the beast fades...........leaving rain's bloodied and lifeless form behind- higuchi:......*falls to her knees*...no.... Chuuya: "..." *holding his hand over his mouth...then vomits on the floor* Akutagawa: "..." *shakes* mafioso: holy shit! isnt that the errand girl?! mafioso 2: holy fuck! Chuuya: *on his knees in front of Rain* "...No..." *picking her up* rain:......*no reply* Chuuya: "..." *sobbing, hugging her* "No..." higuchi: she...she didnt....did she? Akutagawa: "..." *puts out a hand to try to hold onto something--and stumbles down, seizing his chest* higuchi: !!! ryunosuke! gin: ryu! *goes over to him* Chuuya: *looking around* "Someone! Help!" Akutagawa: "Wh-What the...Why...What...N-Not...N-Not..." gin: *giving him a paper bag* breathe ryu, breathe! Akutagawa: *pushes Gin away* "Get off of me!" gin: !!! Chuuya: *wailing* "Save her! G-Get the doctor! Someone!" hirotsu:...i dont...think there's anything we can do. Chuuya: *glares--as his gravity-powers surround Hirotsu* hirotsu: ??!! Chuuya: "...Save her...or..." *Hirotsu feels his body being pulled* -SLAP- higuchi:......GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!! Chuuya: *stunned--his powers dissolving* -rain: please....dont scare me like that anymore....- Chuuya: "...I didn't...want to..." higuchi: ....... Akutagawa: "...L-Let--" higuchi: ?? *notices the letter* -if you’re reading this now, then I guess it means im not here anymore. Im sorry it had to be this way, I never wanted to hurt you. Higuchi, I want you to clear my apartment out for me, and make sure you take the trash out. Chuuya, im sorry if I hurt you. I guess im just a lowly coward who doesn’t deserve your time. If things had been different, I would have told you I love you a long time ago. Thank you both for being in my life. ~mito ‘rain’ kosaka- Chuuya: "...'Mito'...?" higuchi:...so that was her real name....huh? Chuuya: "..." *his face is breaking, as he buries himself in her neck, sobbing* higuchi: *biting her lip* Akutagawa: "..." *crawling to a corner...* gin:......ryu.... Akutagawa: "..." (" 'Love'...") *scratching at his hand...* -a few days later- Chuuya: "..." hirotsu: .......oh. i didnt think _you_ would be here. almost everyone has gone home now... Chuuya: "...Power..." Dazai: "...I should be." hirotsu: .....i feel somehow responsible. i did leak the infiltration plan to miss higuchi... and once akutagawa caught wind of it....and ra-....miss kosaka....why she chose to go with him is beyond my understanding. Chuuya: "..." Dazai: "Some people are full of surprises. Maybe...she didn't want to see people hurt." hirotsu:...why is it you brought akutagawa to meet the weretiger? Dazai: "...Have one student meet another? I think they'd be able to teach each other a bit." hirotsu: oh? Dazai: "They aren't that different. Both lost out early on: no stability at home. No parents. No food. No love...One came out of it wanting to help people. Another came out of it with tenacity." hirotsu: i see... *takes a long drag on his cigarette* like yin and yang. but knowing you, you have some ulterior motives... Dazai: *sad smile* "I wouldn't be me if I didn't." hirotsu: care to shed a little light on it? perhaps, you're attempting to create a new 'double black'? Dazai: *smirk* hirotsu: ....but why? *raising an eyebrow* Dazai: "I'm not getting any younger to start raising the younger generation." hirotsu: please spare us the thought of you procreating. Dazai: "I'm not bad at it." hirotsu: are you only here to gloat about your sex life? or is there a point to this conversation? Dazai: "...Chuuya's going to need you. He's going to need friends." hirotsu: ....*he nods* it's good to see you still care for him, even after all these years. Dazai: "I abandoned the Mafia. But when a friend needs help..." hirotsu: .....why is it you left? Dazai: "...If you're going to kill me, I want you to face me when I'm at my best. If you're going to lie to me, you better make it believable." (thinking: not to mention, that ‘demon’ has already begun making his move…) -underground- FD: *tap tap tap* "Well, the Fall of Moby Dick failed...Still, the Guild is damaged. We have affected resources in Death City. We located a new ability user." *turns at his computer, smiles* "It's good, right?" Hawthorne: "...I am here only--" FD: "To save Mitchell. Yeah. I know." zoey: ......*blankly stares at hawthorne* FD: "But to make this world better...we'll have to spill a lot of blood...even if that means making this world red." *smiles at Hawthorne...and Zoey* Hawthorne: "..." ("What is with this child?") "Ma'am?" zoey: of course, fyodor. *smiles, but her eyes are dull and lifeless* Hawthorne: "...Ma'am? I wanted to know whether I could make you some tea." zoey:.....i have..no need...at the moment.... FD: *nods* Hawthorne: "...Okay. I will make some, then..." *looks wearily as he walks to kitchen* zoey: .... *nuzzles her head against FD's leg* master...<3 Hawthorne: "!!!" o____o ("Lord, give me strength...and brain bleach.") FD: *tickles lightly under her chin* zoey: ahhh~ Hawthorne: ("Maybe I can pierce my eardrums...") FD: "I still have work, kitten...How about you sit in my lap." -elsewhere- Mori: "...Damn." kouyou: truly unfortunate....(thinking: chuuya....) -at rain's apartment- higuchi:....*cleaing things up....she notices something in the trash* ??....... *her heart drops to the pit of her stomach* no.... -laying in the trash was a positive pregnancy test- Chuuya: "Y-You find the rest of her...books?" *he doesn't see the trash* higuchi:......yeah. Chuuya: "...Okay. I'll be in the car." *takes the last box* higuchi: ......mori....*grips fist* Chuuya: *lifeless eyes, as he holds onto the box...looks at the books in it...sees some small papers* *Looks at some doodles* Chuuya: *small laugh* *A photo...* -a photo of rain, higuchi, and chuuya enjoying a drink- Chuuya: "..." *lips quivers* -elsewhere- liz: good news, wes' old house has a new tenant living there. Patty: "Sweet! I thought that interview process would take awhile. You meet them?" liz: yeah, quiet, kinda lanky looking. and he had a pet raccoon? Patty: owo "I WANT TO MEET THE RACCOON!" -elsewhere- atsushi: school? Kunikida: "School." kirako: sounds exciting, doesnt it? Kyoka: "...I do not need school. I had all training I needed: assassination, infiltration, flirtation, seduction--" kirako: do you know how to write? Kyoka: "..." *takes a piece of paper, scribbles something...holds it up to Kirako* *it's foul...but has awful penmanship* kirako:.....*sweatdrop* Kunikida: "You will go to school, you will learn proper behavior, and you will learn that is _not_ how you spell..._that_ word!" atsushi: ^^; yosano: plus, it wouldnt hurt to make a few friends outside the agency, either. Kyoka: *lifts her head up--frowning, but shiny eyes* " 'Friends'?" yosano: there's lots of people at school. ^^ Kyoka: "...When would we start?" yosano: you start this september, so you got a whole month of summer vacation left. Kyoka: *grabs Atsushi by the collar* "We are making the most of this summer--starting with school supply sales." atsushi: ^^; -elsewhere- Kid: *hug* stocking: mmm~<3 =w= Kid: "...I needed a hug." stocking: *rubs his shoulders* i love you, kid. Kid: "I love you, too..." *puts a hand over hers* "...It...makes things better." stocking: *nuzzles* Kid: =w= *turns his head, kisses her* stocking: mmmm~<3 ^w^ Kid: *holds her* "Angel..." stocking: hehe~ Kid: *cuddles, sighs* "You glorious woman..." -elsewhere- Higan: "..." *curled up under sheet* lavender: zzzzz.... Higan: "..." *holds onto her* lavender: mmmn... zzzzz Higan: *light kiss on her forehead, eyes wide open* lavender: zzzzzz.... Higan: "..." ("She gets the rest she deserves...") *nuzzles* -elsewhere- Jacqueline: *puts a blanket over Kim* kim: zzzzz Jacqueline: "..." *steps towards the door, opening it carefully* kim: *snoring* Jacqueline: "???" ("Forgot how loud she snored...") -elsewhere- Yohei: *holding Toru* "It's okay...Daddy's here..." toru: *crying* chie: here you go. *gives him his bottle* Yohei: "Thanks, babe." *holds the bottle to Toru* "Here you go..." -elsewhere- Tsukiyo: "...A whale. Fell out. From the sky." fang-hua: ..... reimi: cool. Tsukiyo: "Why is no one freaking out about that? Like, do people harpoon sky whales now?" reimi: we've seen weirder things happen in this city. Tsukiyo: "...Well, yeah. But that's a whole new kind of weird. And if that stuff happens...why can't other stuff?" -elsewhere- Vulcan: "That scuba suit you used better have been worth the effort, you little shit." yu: *hands him the bag, shivering* Vulcan: *opens it* "..." *nods* "Good. I can retrofit these, including for whale prosthetics." *thumbs* "I fixed the water heater. Get a bath--you look awful." -elsewhere- mana:....*PUNCHES ASHI AND ZUNO INTO THE WALL* resent and remember. Zuno: *smashed into the wall* "I DON'T REMEMBER!" Assi: "I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR MONO, NOT YOU!" mana:...what? mono: what? O-O Zuno: "...I don't remember what I just said!" *jumps out the window* Assi: o\\\\\o "..." *runs away--into the door* chie:....*sweatdrop* -elsewhere- Sakuya: *staring out at the dark night* naho: sakkun? Sakuya: "...What?" naho:.....*hugs* i love you, ok? Sakuya: "..." *tears start falling, but his face stays hard* naho: ....i bought some glow sticks in nyarajuku today. *hands him a green one* Sakuya: *holding a green one--still hard face, still crying...it looks almost comical* naho: *hugs his arm* i know....those memories hurt...and you're going to be ok. Sakuya: "H-How...?" naho: call it intuition....hey sakkun....*puts two pocky sticks in her mouth* im a pocky walrus! Sakuya: "..." *snort laugh, snot coming out of his nose, still crying* naho: *giggles and kisses him near the eyelid, giving him a tissue* Sakuya: *sniffs, blushing...he holds onto her* -elsewhere- Mr. Tsubaki: *staring up at the stars* "..." -morning- FD: "Wake up. It's time that you get ready for work." -elsewhere- Dazai: -_____- "I'm exhausted." atsushi: yeah. it's been a hectic week. clerk: the new employee should be here soon. Tanizaki: "??? New employee?" atsushi: ??.... !!!! ah! the red haired girl! Montgomery: -_-; "I have a name, Tiger." atsushi: which i dont think you ever told me. Montgomery: "...Lucy." atsushi: *smiles* nice to meet you, lucy. ^^ Kyoka: "...Atsushi? Who is this girl?" atsushi: um, well. its a long story- Kyoka: "We have time. Bar wench, bring food and drinks." Montgomery: ಠ_ಠ atsushi: *sweating* Dazai: *smiles* "Today got more interesting." Montgomery: *holding notepad, waiting to take orders* atsushi: *SWEATS HARDER* -elsewhere- Poe: "...This place has ghosts, dusty corners, poor lighting..." *wide smile* "I LOVE IT!" -elsewhere- Relan: *poke poke* shinra: hmm oh, hey rel. *smiles* Relan: "Hi. Feeling okay?" shinra: doing great. Relan: *smiles, hugs him* "I'm glad." -elsewhere- Kepuri: *standing in the center of the room...covered in butterflies* mono: raising them? i remember doing those pop up tents with the butterflies too. Kepuri: "...I didn't intend to. I just stepped outside and...they followed me inside." mono: ah. Kepuri: "I'll to put in more flowers and--" *looks for the bed* "...Oh no...He was taking a nap." akaderu: ......this is fine. Kepuri: "Oh, sweetie!" *big smile* akaderu:... 7//////7 -elsewhere- Lawless: *holding the fridge over his head* "Who took the last slice of pizza?!" romina: well, sorry for having a big appetite. Lawless: "Retribution will be made! I want what was mine! I called dibs on the last slice!" -elsewhere- Kyoka: "Hmm. So, I have you to thank for getting Atsushi out of the whale." atsushi: more or less, yeah. and sorry that i didnt get you out of there sooner....y-you arent still mad, are you? Montgomery: "That depends on whether you give a generous tip. _Because I serve your food now._ atsushi: *gulp* OuO;;;;; Kyoka: "You also owe me more food, Atsushi." *sits closer to him* atsushi: *sweating intensifies* Montgomery: *glances back and forth between them* -///- yosano: he's sweating so much there's puddles under him. Dazai: "I hope that's sweat..." yosano: those guild guys should be leaving today...hey kenji? Kenji: *mouth full of noodles* "Huh?" yosano: why dont we crush some men under our heel today, 'toshiko'~? Kenji: "...Can I still get some free meals out of them?" yosano: sure. Kenji: "Let's do it!" atsushi: *sweatdrop* Kenji: "I'll put on my best dress!" atsushi: *looks at lucy* long story -elsewhere- Takehisa: *shivers* maki: i got you chicken noodle~! Takehisa: *sniff* "Th-Thanks..." *small sneeze* "Just..." maki: we're only human. we all get sick every now and then. Takehisa: "...That 'curse' covered in the news must have gotten to me." maki: i guess so... Takehisa: *sniff, blows on the spoonful of soup...sips...* "Hmm...This is really good." maki: thanks. we used one of the cans, but karin added a few spices to it. Takehisa: "Hmm. It has a little kick to it." *weak smile* -elsewhere- Hibana: *pushing the swing* "Want to go higher?" hanako: up! up! gabriella: *has the camera out* Hibana: *pushes a bit more* "Here you go!" -elsewhere- Bellhop: "Lana, you got a call. It's your dad." lana: ah! *picks the phone up* hey dad. feeling any better? Touma: "Much." lana: *her heart drops* !!! Touma: "Remember that errand I gave you about the Grim Reaper's son and his now-wife. You failed." lana: i never throught- *looks* i didnt know you intended to _kill_ them! Touma: " 'Kill' is such a nasty word. I simply seek out samples for my ongoing research. And you never asked what I was going to do..." lana:...what is it you want? Touma: "Oh, nothing at the moment. I'll call you back when I'm ready." lana: ....... Touma: "Until then, keep everything tidy." -elsewhere- Aizawa: *nom nom* -elsewhere- Benimaru: *fanning himself* kirei: the shrine is holding a ghost story telling event later tonight. Benimaru: "Oh. That could be entertaining. Would you like to go?" -elsewhere- Triple A: "Hello, Marie." marie: oh, arthur, good to see you again. christa: TnT Triple A: *smiles* "Likewise. You're looking well." *looks at Christa* "And so do you, Miss Christa..." christa: goaway! Triple A: .w.; "...What?" christa: Xp Triple A: "Um...So, you're out on errands, Marie?" *looking wearily at Christa* -elsewhere- Spirit: "Want to pick up lunch at the commissary?" lord death: well, i dont have anything else planned today. Spirit: "Great!" *opens the door out of the Death Room* "How're you holding up?" lord death: everything's been well. *smiles* so, i hear miss izumi is starting classes at the DWMA this fall. Spirit: *nods* "...It's kind of scary." lord death: that's understandable. but i have faith in her, as i do all the students. Spirit: "...Do you say that as the headmaster, or as a parent?" lord death: *thumbs up* yes. Spirit: "...As a parent, I'm scared." lord death: *listening* Spirit: "Izumi is not a weapon. Meister training and other training is exhaustive...and people get hurt." lord death: *nods* Spirit: "How do I keep her safe?" -elsewhere- Amaimon: *stuck in hamster form* "..." maid: i take it you learned your lesson now? Amaimon: "I just did what brother asked. And he said he would give me a gift..." maid: well, he gave you a nice hamster cage, didnt he? Amaimon: "..." *runs on hamster wheel--which lights up* .w. -elsewhere- Ponera: *small gasp* grimoire: ?? Ponera: "I forgot to get back a spell book I lent to Shaula." shaula: oh, i needed it to be a foot for the broken table. Ponera: -_-;;; "It has important items in it...and you waste it like that?" -elsewhere- Patty: "Zzz..." liz: *putting a blanket over her* *smiles* night, sis. Patty: =w= *bundles herself* liz:...*smiles* Wes: *pats Liz's shoulder* liz: ^^ Wes: *carefully closes Patty's door* "You're a great sister..." liz: i've had practice for years so... Wes: "..." *nods* "Yes." liz: hey wes? you ever think about us...i dunno...having a baby? Wes: .\\\. "...Yes. I have." -elsewhere- Mori: "...I have to find a new assistant." higuchi: *glares* Mori: "Who here wants to make the phone call?" Chuuya: *seated lifeless in his chair* kouyou: ......shall i? Mori: "Sure. Just make sure she's good." -elsewhere- Patient: "Nurse! I've been calling for assistance for 20 minutes!" veronica: ah! coming! ... (thinking: zoey's been sick for days now... im starting to get worried...) *Ring ring* nurse: *picks up* hello? ???: "Hello? I would like to speak with Zoey." nurse: oh, she isnt in today. i heard she called sick. ???: "...Could you tell her to call when she gets in? nurse: alright then. and who is this? ???: "Her parent." nurse: ah. i see. ???: "..." *sniff* "Thank you...Goodbye." nurse: .... *Phone hangs up* -elsewhere- Melville: *on a bench* ango: mr melville, i presume? Melville: "Call me Herman." ango: *nods* of course, herman. if you dont so mind answeing a few questions, we could refrain from arresting guild members who were not involved in the incident. Melville: "...Okay. But will you allow an old man to at least stare out at the water while we talk?" ango: of course. according to official reports, you were once head of the guild once upon a time ago, correct? Melville: "...I don't want to hear about ancient history, from a child." ango:....do you _want_ to be arrested? Melville: "...Is there somewhere you intend to take me?" -elsewhere- Mephisto: *holding the fake Impure Eye--and squishing it* *squeak squeak squeak* maid: sir, please stop that. my ears are beginning to bleed. felisia:...(thinking: so cute im gonna die) Mephisto: *pouts* "But it's so squeak-able!" *bounces it against the wall* maid: *eye'd* ack! Mephisto: .w.; "...Sorry. How about you take the day off?" -elsewhere- Giriko: *finishes shaving* "There! How does Daddy look clean-shaven?" anna:..... Q~Q *crying* arachne: aww, anna. Giriko: .____. "I knew I shouldn't have shaved...H-Hang on! I could just glue the hair back on--" -elsewhere- Shotaro: "Hey, Mana!" mana: hey. Shotaro: *he's holding a shovel covered in dirt* "Emine said you needed a mud bath, so I dug one in the backyard!" -morning- atsushi: so the crime scene isnt far now, right, tanizaki? Tanizaki: "No...But why are you here? It was supposed to be Ranpo." atsushi: he said he had an appointment today. he didnt specify. he also mentioned for me to go to a flower shop? Tanizaki: "...'Kay. Guess it can't be helped." *points* "There's the crime scene. And the body." atsushi: so what all happened? Tanizaki: : *reviews notes* "Male, about 40 years old." *points at corpse with covering over it* "4 AM. Hit by truck, dead on the spot. Face damaged, so identity unknown." atsushi: have they checked his pockets? Tanizaki: *nods* "Privately-made gun, no serial number. Popular with Mafia members about 20 years ago." atsushi: so a mafia member, perhaps? Tanizaki: "Who knows? Could've been an accident or an assassination--" *spots something* "Atsushi! In the deceased's hand!" atsushi: ?? *looks* Tanizaki: "This newspaper clipping is damaged...Where is the missing piece?" medic: we've confirmed an identity from the blood test. atsushi: ??........*staggers.....then vomits, screaming* Tanizaki: "?! Atsushi! Calm down! What is it?" atsushi: no no no no no no....why him? why is he of all people here?! *hyperventilating* Tanizaki: "??? You know him?" officer: so the victim was the head of an orphanage outside the city, eh? what do you think is gonna happen to the place? officer 2: i dunno. -elsewhere- kouyou:......*knocks on the door* chuuya? *The door seems to be pressed hard against the edges, as if wind is pushing it* kouyou: ......i just want to speak with you, if not as an executive, at least as a mother... *The door is expanding...expanding...* kouyou: *backs way to the side* hmm... here seems about good. *BOOM* kouyou: ....are you done? *The door is splintered. Empty cartons of wine are everywhere--cheap, supermarket wine* Chuuya: *slurring* "Geddout..." kouyou: chuuya...*hug* its alright now... Chuuya: *weakly pushing off* "Let go...I haven't showered. I vomited in the vase...* kouyou: do you need mama to help you? Chuuya: "N-No! Don't call yourself that--it's creepy...I want...I want..." kouyou: *head pats* just let it out... Chuuya: *lips quivers, then he collapses, crying* kouyou: *rubs his back and hums, a familiar lullaby she would hum when he was younger* Chuuya: *can't speak, just holding onto her...and then...* "R-Rain..." kouyou: .....(thinking: that poor girl...) Chuuya: "I didn't...Then he...He..." kouyou: ....... Chuuya: "He killed her..." kouyou: ?? Chuuya: "Akutagawa..." kouyou: ..... -elsewhere- atsushi: ......... Tanizaki: "..." *holds out a cup of coffee* atsushi:....thanks.... Tanizaki: "So...He was looking for you, huh?" atsushi: i dont know.....and now he's gone....*shaking* Tanizaki: "Look, if you feel sad, then rest first." atsushi: sad?! me?! are you kidding?! this is the greatest day of my whole life! that tyrant is dead and gone! im writing this down in my personal calendar so i remember it forever! *laugh-crying* Tanizaki: o_o "...Don't you want to know why he was looking for you?" atsushi: he was...probably here to kill me...but jokes on him! Tanizaki: "...You think he deserved to die?" atsushi: of course he did! after all he put me and the other children through?! i hope he's burning in hell as we speak! Tanizaki: "...We're supposed to be solving this murder." atsushi:......right.. -a while later, atsushi goes to meet up with an informant- ???: "You came." atsushi: *turns*.... O_O; Akutagawa: *tosses envelope at Atsushi's feet* "Tell them it was an accident..." *his eyes look red, his face gaunt, his clothes a mess* atsushi: *picks it up* h-hey....you ok? you look.....off. Akutagawa: "I-I'm fine...Take this information. Enjoy it. He is dead now." atsushi: o...ok...? *examines the notes* .....?? he was planning to _sell_ the gun? .....then what was he going to use the money fo-...huh? *Akutagawa has disappeared around the corner...* Akutagawa: *...but he's actually just collapsed around the corner* atsushi:.....*calling out* thank you! *exits* Akutagawa: *shaking, trying to hold onto himself* *images of Rain's face and Atsushi and Dazai are flooding his brain* *whispering* "St-Stop..." -later on, after atsushi read through the info, he is now on a park bench, looking around with a sullen look on his face- toru: hehe! Yohei: "Enjoying yourself, huh, kiddo?" toru: ^w^ atsushi: ....... Yohei: *picks him up out of the stroller* *points up at the tree* "Look at how big the branches are! And they just started as a teeny tiny little seed..." *holds up his fingers to show the size of a seed* atsushi:.....*looking down at the ground* ???: "There you are! I found something..." atsushi: is it the file tanizaki gave you?......yeah....i skimmed through it... Dazai: "He found something else...The article he read was about you, fighting the Guild. He probably came to compliment you for--" atsushi: i dont....i dont believe it...after all he did?! -he sighs- remember when we first met? looking for that tiger? Dazai: "...You mean, when we were looking for you?" atsushi:...yeah....why did he hide that fact from everyone? that i was....y-you know.... Dazai: "Who knows...Imagine what that feels like, to keep that a secret from someone for so long." atsushi: .......i've been trying to wrap my head around it...but it keeps hurting my brain....can we....go to the flower shop? Dazai: "...Okay." -and so- atsushi: *shows the clerk the photo* this man...did he order anything from this shop? Clerk: "...Oh, yes! Let me pull it up...It was for one bouquet--" atsushi: any occasion mentioned? Clerk: "No. I think he wanted to meet someone." atsushi: did he mention who? Clerk: "Someone who used to be at his...what was it. A school? Dorm? No, wait...Orphanage?" atsushi:....i see....thanks...*exits*............... Dazai: "...???" atsushi: i think...i understand now..... he was selling the gun to buy those flowers....but died on the way......i know, he lost people close to him, but i wont ever forgive all the hell he put me through! Dazai: "...No one says you have to." atsushi:...how am i....supposed to feel about this then? *smiling a false smile, but teary eyed* Dazai: "You get to make whatever expression you want. But, if I could offer some advice...when someone's father passes away, they cry." *turns* atsushi:......*tears falling*.....*tightly hugs dazai from behind and cries* Dazai: o\\\\o "...Um..." *pat pat* atsushi: *hic* *gross sobbing* Dazai: "..." -3- ("Kunikida better pay to get this snot cleaned off...") *hug* -elsewhere- Mori: "And that is the plan." kouyou: *nods* Chuuya: "..." Akutagawa: *collapsed on the floor* elise: *poking akutagawa with a stick* Mori: "...Um...So, you are to infiltrate and monitor...and...Could someone pick up Akutagawa and make Chuuya smile already?" kouyou: i feel a mission would help you both back on your feet. Chuuya: "..." Akutagawa: "I don't want to be on my feet." Mori: "Well, too bad: I need you all on this mission, and if you can't do it, I can think of other work..." *opens a hole in the floor, where fire escapes upward* -elsewhere- Wes: *opens a door* "Where does this room lead--" liz: ta-dah~ *in lingere* Wes: o\\\\\\o *nosebleed* "Hot damn..." liz: ^w^ Wes: *still staring at her, as he shuts the door and locks* "You look amazing..." -elsewhere- Jacqueline: *sets dinner down at the table* -elsewhere- shiemi: *getting her bed ready* *Knock knock* shiemi: who is it? ???: "It's Yukio." shiemi: y-yu-yuki?! i thought you were still in death city looking for that eye?? Rin: "Ha! Just fooling! It's me!" shiemi: oh.... Rin: "...Yeah...Um...I locked myself out of my room?" shura: jeez. *uses the key card* there ya go, happy now? Rin: "Awesome! Thanks." shura: so how's japan for ya so far? Rin: "...Kinda smaller than I thought it'd be?" shura: *peeks into his room* seems you got quite a number of souvenirs already... Rin: .\\\\. "Not that many...But I do need to buy more luggage." *holds up a kitten plushie* "Will Madoka like this? The eyes seem kind of dead and lifeless..." Plushie: ◕ ‿‿ ◕ shura:......maybe? (thinking: creepy) Rin: "..." *puts a towel over the Plushie* "...Well, when we heading to the next hotel?" shura: about a few days, give or take. damn scheduling errors. Rin: "..." *looks to the left* -in another room- Bon: *reading at desk* konekomaru: it's kind of nice to be back home...almost home, anyway. Bon: "...Yeah. It'll be good to--" *spots Shima* Shima: Q~Q konekomaru: shima?! whats wrong?! Shima: "M-Maybe we don't have to go back? Maybe I should just stay here--you know, hold down the fort here as a back-up post? Ha ha ha..." konekomaru: ?? Bon: "Is this about your fam--" Shima: *covering his ears* "LA LA LA LA! CAN'T HEAR YOU!" *walks into closet* konekomaru:....*sweatdrop* Bon: "Come out of the closet already!" konekomaru: um...phasing? Bon: ಠ_ಠ -elsewhere- izumo: ..... *ring tone on Izumo's phone* izumo: *checks phone* Paku: [text: how's japan?] izumo: *smiles* [it's been well. it's nice to be back home. U?] Paku: [classes are okay. u should've seen what homeroom teacher did] *pic of the teacher, not noticing chalkboard message that, when her head blocks it, spells out something naughty] izumo: [omg X'D] Paku: [lol. pick me up something fun in japan! i got a long list...] izumo: [k] Paku: [miss u] -elsewhere- Patty: *sitting upside down on couch* -3- kirika: trying to get the blood to flow to your brain? Patty: "Just bored..." *crosses her arms* "What're you up to?" kirika: *shrugs and makes 'i dunno' sound* Patty: "...Mario Kart?" kirika: eh sure. Patty: *flips down from couch--and keeps flipping until she reaches the controllers by the TV* -elsewhere- Benimaru: "...That's hardly scary." fang-hua: *sweatdrop* Tsukiyo: "Oh, you think you got a scarier story?" Benimaru: *stare, his face getting gaunt and creepy* fang-hua: *sweatdrop* Tsukiyo: Q~Q Benimaru: "There is a shortcut through a cornfield..." kirei: *listening* Benimaru: "The corn grows tall and thick. The path you chose is muddy. The corn grows in rows without scope or end. In the dark, you hurry..." hinata: O-O Benimaru: "You don't see the standing forms--you pass them on your way. They stand still amongst the swaying corn, which hides their pallor...and decay." hikage: *shivering* Benimaru: "Hundreds gather in this field tonight, although you see none at all yet. Still, you look around in fright. The corn grows too thick, too tall. You tell yourself, 'It's merely the rustling of the leaves.' But they see you, and they hear you. And they might not let you leave..." kabuki:.... *Lightning strike* hinata + hikage: EEP! *A figure is seen in the shadows, its appearance tall and something growing out of it* reimi: O-O Tsukiyo: "EEEEEK!" *clutches Kabuki* kabuki: ah- kirei:....*faint smile* ^^; Benimaru: "..." *summons a flame--and tosses it at the figure* Figure: "?!!! AHH! I'm on fire!" *runs away, trying to roll around in the dirt outside* Tsukiyo: Q~Q "...What monsters goes 'Ah, I'm on fire'?" kirei: ah! *goes to investigate* oh goodness. ^^;; Mr. Tsubaki: Q~Q *his clothes are scorched, and the tip of his fox ears and tail are still on fire* "...What the hell?!" Benimaru: "Whoops. My bad." -elsewhere- Sakuya: "..." *sets down his book* lilac: zzzz Sakuya: "..." *picks up Lilac* lilac: zzzzz Sakuya: *opens door to Lilac's room...* lilac: zzzzz..... Sakuya: *sets Lilac in bed, pulls up the sheets* lilac: ......*faint smile* Sakuya: *passes hair off his forehead...small forehead kiss* naho: *smiles* Sakuya: *turns around* "???" ^\\\^ naho: ^^ *give lilac a small kiss on the forehead as well* lilac: *clutching pillow* Sakuya: *pats her back* naho: ^^ Sakuya: *holds her hand* -elsewhere- Gopher: *holding tissue to his nose* "My poor nose." eibon: D8> Gopher: "I shouldn't have stood behind that door." ^^; "Sorry." -elsewhere- Takehisa: *sniff* "I should repair the Matchbox...I can...I..." *collapses on the floor* maki: !!! takehisa! karin: !! easy there! *helping him up* Takehisa: *swinging a wrench back and forth* "I can repair...Just let me at it, Coach! I'm ready to play..." -w- *he's delirious* iris: *making a phone call* tamaki: woah, easy there! shinra: *confiscating the wrench* Takehisa: *slurred speech* "The Edmund Fitzgerald will sail again!" maki: come on, time for you to get some sleep. nozomi: commander, will he be ok? Akitaru: "Takehisa has had worse. He just needs to sleep it off. But until then, we still need repairs on the Matchbox--" Victor: "I'LL DO IT!" shinra: how about dr itou handles it? karin: *cracks knuckles* challenge accepted! Victor: D: "...Okay." *mopes away* nozomi: do you want me to help you? karin: ... Victor: TT_TT nozomi: *pats his back* Victor: *sniff* "Th-Thank you." nozomi: ^///^ -elsewhere- Hibana: *putting in night-light* "Bright enough?" hanako: *nod* -elsewhere- madoka: *setting up vid chat* hey rin. ^^ Rin: "C-Can you see me? I don't see you. Did I forgot to turn something on?" madoka: um... oh! *presses something* how about now? Rin: "Ah! Now I see you!" *he shows up in a I Heart Tokyo shirt* *does a very fast wave at her with his dorky smile* madoka: ^^ how's the trip so far? Rin: "I got souvenirs!!!" madoka: i can tell. *she smiles* Rin: "Yeah, I've had a great time going to Shinjuku...by myself. And have ramen...by myself. And buy pocky...by myself." QWQ madoka: aww. i wish i could be there with you. ....i really wish i could be there hugging you. Rin: *nod nod* "Me too..." *holds up a body pillow with a Digimon on it* "I get no huggies tonight." QWQ madoka: maybe a good night kiss through the screen? Rin: *nod nod* *leans up to the screen, giggles nervously* -smooch- madoka: ^///^ Rin: *smooch* "Love ya..." madoka: i love you too. good night. Rin: " 'Night!" -morning- Wes: *yawn* liz: zzzzzz Wes: *smiles, as he kisses her shoulder* liz: =w= Wes: "Morning..." liz: morning~ Wes: *hugs* "Sleep well, babe?" liz: sure did, honey. Wes: "Same...and I can think of a few reasons why~" -elsewhere- Bon: *yawn, opens an eye, and--* "...Why is Shima in my bed?" Shima: *fetal position, sucking his thumb* konekomaru: ^^; Bon: *kick* Shima: "Ouch!" konekomaru: morning. Shima: "Some morning...What's the agenda today?" -elsewhere- atsushi: *out of the shower* ah....hmm? *notices hair in the trash....kyouka's hair* ?? kyouka? Kyoka: "What?" atsushi: ....nothing....looks nice. ^^; Kyoka: "...Okay." *sits down* "Where's breakfast?" atsushi: ah! right! *goes to make some* Kyoka: "...You still look sad." atsushi: i just....had a rough day yesterday....hope you dont mind omurice again... Kyoka: "...That is acceptable." *sits to eat* -elsewhere- Anya: *asleep in bed* tsugumi: zzzzz... ao:.....*walks in....holding a knife* Meme: *sleep-talking* "Pythagorean theorem...forgetting a step...What is the equation...?" mio: zzzzz.....nyeh?.... O_o ao: *standing over anya* ....... Anya: *blinks her eyes* "Huh?" ao: good morning, miss anya~ -shiiiing- Anya: o____O *kicks up* ao: i was wondering....would you like some butter on your toast? Anya: "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND KNIVES?!" tsugumi: *yaaaawn* -elsewhere- Spirit: "Hmm...Which other books will you need for class...?" -elsewhere- mafia secretary: and here are your fake student IDs. [Ryuzaki Araragi] [Chuuya Ozaki] Akutagawa: "I don't want to do this." Chuuya: "..." mafia secretary: well too bad, buster browns, we already got the paperwork filed and the uniforms picked out. Akutagawa and Chuuya: "...'Uniforms'?" mafia secretary: school uniforms, obviously! Chuuya: "...I hate the pants." Akutagawa: "This looks uncomfortable." -elsewhere- Hyde: *fixing up his hair in the mirror* -elsewhere- "Toshiko": ("Hmm...I think I got all the food...Oh! I forgot donuts.") yosano: *reading a medical magazine* "Toshiko": "Doctor, could you help me with the groceries?" yosano: alright. "Toshiko": "That's everything, right? I mean, aside from donuts." yosano: seems so. *nods* Steinbeck: .w. "Toshiko!" "Toshiko": ._.; twain: hey sweet stuff! yosano: ..... o u o "Toshiko": "...So. You're both here. Yay." Steinbeck: *glares at Twain* "Toshiko...I have a proposal to make to you..." twain: you available this weekend~? “Toshiko”: "Well, I--" Steinbeck: "Hey! I still have a proposal to make!" *takes Toshiko's arm* yosano: *whispers* do you want to tell them or should i? “Toshiko”: "...How about you tell them?" yosano: oh gentleman~ want to know something interesting~? *whispers into their ears* toshiko's actually kenji in a dress. twain:....................................*shrug* eh, wouldnt have been the first time. Steinbeck: "...Really?" *looks at Toshiko* "...Huh." Kenji: .\\\\. "Um..." yosano: ....not the shocked reaction i was hoping. but oh well. Steinbeck: "...So, you still up for my proposal?" Kenji: *cursing inside* random guild member: *drags them away* please excuse them. -_-; Kenji: "...What was that even...?" yosano: learn not to question it. ???: ....... *walking away* Kenji: "...Do I still get to wear the dress?" yosano: hey, its your life. if you want to, go nuts. *shrug* -elsewhere- Arthur: "Maybe I can get some medicine for Takehisa." shinra: sounds like a good idea. Arthur: "Good." *pulls out a dusty map* "The Elixir of Antigone is only a fortnight away. If we leave now, we can avoid the Griffin of Turmoil." shinra:.....(thinking: is that a map from dungeons and dragons?...) Arthur: "Don your best armor, squire--we're off!" shinra: -_-; Akitaru: "Pick up some coffee while you boys are out." shinra: ok! Arthur: "I will milk the Dragon of Juan Valdez for your dairy creamer--" Akitaru: -________- shinra: we'll get to it! tamaki: i'll go with them and make sure they dont get lost. Arthur: *shiny eyes* "With you as my compass--" -bonk- tamaki: *drags them off* lets just go. -_-; Arthur: x___x -elsewhere- Jacqueline: "Finished pre-semester tutorial on library work." kim: awesome. Jacqueline: "Zoo work going okay?" kim: yeah. it's been enjoyable. -elsewhere- Kyoka: *stomach growl* -elsewhere- higuchi: *at the bar* i'll have two glasses of scotch please. Bartender: *hands them* "There you go." higuchi: *nods and puts one to the side*......*staring at the empty seat* ...............*sips* Bartender: "..." *sighs, returns to work* higuchi:...*notices someone come in* Chuuya: "..." *dragging his feet to the bar* higuchi: ......scotch? Chuuya: "..." *silently takes it* higuchi:.....did you....*ahem*....want to talk about it? Chuuya: "...I screwed up." higuchi: *listening* Chuuya: "...I could have saved her." higuchi: ....yeah, we could have... Chuuya: *shakes his head* "No...This is my fault. I-I didn't even recognize her..." higuchi:...you couldnt have known that she-....*shakes head* Chuuya: "What kind of a man am I...that I didn't see it? After all the pain she went through...I-I didn't help her...I would've killed her without knowing..." higuchi:....i thought....i heard her say something, back then... Chuuya: "??? Say what?" higuchi: it sounded like... 'please, let me die'. Chuuya: *his heart sinks...he collapses onto the bar* "No..." higuchi: i think....she wanted her misery to end. Chuuya: "..." *sniff* "I-I could have..." higuchi:....*pats his back* Chuuya: "I could've done something to make her happy..." higuchi:.......... you've really taken a liking to her...why is that? Chuuya: "...I wanted her to feel loved." higuchi:...*nods* Chuuya: "...She was kind. She was funny. She...was beautiful." higuchi: *smiles* hardworking too. Chuuya: *nods* "She always knew what we needed...I remember, when I was sick, she brought in chicken soup." higuchi: *listening* Chuuya: "It was so tasty..." *small laugh* "She had spilled a little bit of it on her coat when she brought it into work." higuchi: i saw that....she always did have terrible luck. Chuuya: "...It wasn't helped by people going out of their way to give her bad luck..." higuchi:....(thinking: mori....) Chuuya: "...I loved her." higuchi:...she loved you too. a lot. Chuuya: "..." *whimpers* higuchi: .....*pats his back* she wanted to tell you, but.....she didnt think she had a chance with you. Chuuya: "...Why didn't we..." higuchi: ?? Chuuya: "Why didn't we just say it to each other?" higuchi: ...... Chuuya: "I could've...We could've left..." higuchi:.....would you really have done that for one person? Chuuya: "...If I known this would've happened...Yes." higuchi:.....where would you have gone, then? Chuuya: "...I don't know. Somewhere away from the Mafia. Away from anyone who could follow us." higuchi:.....what are you going to do now? Chuuya: "...Didn't you hear? I have to go to school now." higuchi: yeah. ryunosuke, too... Chuuya: "..." *the glass on the bar starts to rise a bit* higuchi:...*faint smile* to be fair, you could pass as a high school student. Chuuya: "?! I AM NOT THAT SHORT!" higuchi: *chuckles* Chuuya: *glares, downs his scotch* -elsewhere- Aizawa: "...Who did this?" *flowers in his hair* -silence- Aizawa: "Okay. I will punish every student in this class until someone confesses--" kouji: *raises hand meekly* Aizawa: "...Well, that takes the fun out of punishing multiple students. Okay. Everyone but Kouji has to run five laps--because Kouji was the only one to make my hair look lovely." Bakugo: *glares at Kouji* kouji: q_q Izuku: *pat pat on Kouji's back* -elsewhere- Rin: QWQ ("I'm lost...") ???: <excuse me sir, do you need help?> Rin: "Um..." *points on his map to a building* ???: <want me to take you there?> Rin: "..." Rin: "Y-Yes?" *nods* ???: <ok. by the way, what's your name?> Rin: "Rin." ???: <ah, nice too meet you.> -elsewhere- Patty: *stares at Liz* liz: ya? Patty: *leans closer, staring at Liz's stomach* liz:...what? Patty: *poke* liz: ? Patty: "...Okay! Just checking!" -elsewhere- Victor: *holding drops over a beaker* "Almost..." -in takehisa's room- ???:....ke....hi....sa.... Takehisa: "N-No..." -a burnt corpse crawls onto the bed- toudou: take...hi...sa.... Takehisa: "St-Stay back!" *waving his arm around him, trying to find his gun* maki: takehisa? Takehisa: *picks up the lamp and throws it* maki: O-O *dodge* -morning- atsushi: so where are we doing? Kunikida: "We are investing an information broker." atsushi: for what exactly? Kunikida: "We're looking into this." *holds up his tablet, showing a symbol* atsushi:...ah! that's the logo from the terminal!...now that i look at it, it looks like a demented micky mouse....or deadmau5. Kunikida: "This microchip on the back allows long-distance interference--which is how the Moby-Dick was seized." atsushi: freaky...so this hacker....they'll be able to help us? Kunikida: "We'll see. We have known them for 10 years. In fact, they used to be with the Agency." atsushi: oh. -they arrive at an almost deralict house- atsushi:....*gulp* Kunikida: "..." *kicks down the door* atsushi: are we....allowed to do that? o-o;;; Kunikida: "KATAI! I'M COMING IN! Would it kill you to clean up this place?!" atsushi: (thinking: katai?) *There is a blanket...something wiggles underneath it* atsushi: *YELPS!* ???: "I'm gonna die here..." atsushi:...dazaaaaai? *The man pops up, looking at his laptop* Katai: "I'm just gonna die here in his futon..." atsushi: um....hello? sir? Katai: "!!! INTRUDER!" *tosses an empty can of Surge* atsushi: ACK! *nice catch* kunikida? a lil help! Kunikida: *already wearing a mask and gloves, washing the dishes in his sink* "Katai, we need your electronic-control powers. So wrap up that futon and--" Katai: "I can't..." Kunikida: "...What?" atsushi: um....why not? o.o; Katai: "...Love sickness." atsushi: oh? that's all? *is romantically dense* Kunikida: "..." *facepalm* Katai: "Three days ago, I went to the silk shop to have my futon repaired. On the way home...I saw her...Yamato Nadeshiko." atsushi: yamatona deshiko? Katai: "Ethereal grace, like a lily along the pond. Seeing her poise even yards away, I was smitten immediately." atsushi: i...see....*sweatdrop* Katai: "So intoxicated by her beauty, I used my remaining strength to photograph her." atsushi: isnt that considered stalking?! im pretty sure that's illegal! (thinking: who even does that?!) Kunikida: "Atsushi, how many sugars?" *holds up a cup of tea* atsushi: one please. *looking at the picture* she kind of looks like a model. Katai: "Oh! It is hopeless! How can I speak to a woman?! Communicating with moles would be easier! *cowers under his futon* "I will be alone forever with just Yoshiko..." atsushi: yoshiko? Kunikida: "The name of his futon..." atsushi: hmm.....*lightbulb* how about we find this girl and set the two of you up? Katai: D: Kunikida: "What?! Are you trying to kill him?!!" atsushi: from what you said, he cant use his ability if he's like this, then it's our best option! Katai: "...FIND MY YAMATO NADESHIKO, DETECTIVE AGENCY!" atsushi: you can count on us! -meanwhile, at the agency, dazai and another individual are investigating a missing person's case- yosano: so then your daughter... Zoey's Parent: "Sh-She hasn't been at the hospital in weeks..." yosano: mr lewis, please remain calm. we'll find her one way or another. Mr. Lewis: "..." *puts his head in his hands* naomi: jeez...it sucks that ranpo caught a cold now of all times... kirako: kyouka, do you think you can handle this? kyouka:....*thumbs up* -at the hospital- veronica: may i help- oh, its you again. -_-; let me guess yet another suicide attempt? Dazai: "...Not unless I could convince you to join me~" veronica: -_-# you realize i am married, right? kyouka:...*gives dazai a look* T_T *chop* get to business, fool. Dazai: "...Just because I spot the ring doesn't mean I won't try. But in any case, we're here to investigate a missing person case." veronica: you mean zoey? yeah, im beginning to worry about her... Dazai: "When did you last see her?" veronica: the day after the mass hysteria incident. some foreign guy came in to visit two of the patients. they've gone missing as well. Dazai: "Their names?" veronica: mr hawthorne and miss mitchell. *checking the computer* huh...that's weird... kyouka: ?? veronica: the names arent coming up on the database...they arent in the computer recycling bin either... Dazai: *takes his notepad* "Start with Hawthorne. What was his height?" veronica: fairly tall, glasses. blueish hair? could have been hair dye? Dazai: *nods* "About six feet or taller?" veronica: i think? as for miss mitchell, she was comatose and in critical condition. kyouka:....when you say 'foreign guy'...what kind? veronica: hmmm. i want to say russian? he sure sounded it. Dazai: "He have a name?" veronica: i didnt catch it. but i know he had dark hair and was kinda scrawny. i remember zoey asking him on a date, but i think that was only because she was getting close to 'that age' and hasnt found a boyfriend... Dazai: "...Tell me a bit about Zoey. Do you know where her apartment is?" veronica: actually yes. *writing down the address* her roommate is probably still in. -on a road- higuchi: *driving home, with a sleeping chuuya in the back seat* (thinking: jeez...) *stops at the red light and notices someone*..?? !!! ryunosuke?! Akutagawa: *collapsed on a bench* higuchi: (thinking: oh my gosh, those glasses look so good on him! ok ichiyo, calm down.) -a young woman with long hair comes up to him- woman: there you are, ryu. come on, lets get home. Akutagawa: *grunts* "...Okay." *tries to stand--stumbles a bit* -she helps him up and walks with him....in a way that looks like she's hugging him- higuchi:......*a small explosion off her head* Chuuya: *turns over* "Higuchi, turn down the heat in the car..." -at an apartment building- kyouka: this is the place... Dazai: "Hmm...Guess nurses don't make much..." kyouka: *knocks on the door* Dazai: "..." ???: *female voice* <please wait a moment~> *a young woman comes out, dressed in seifuku, hair in pigtails and a cat ear headband* may i help you, nya? Dazai: .w. "Would you like a suici--" kyouka: *CHOP* -inside the room- girl: oh, so you're looking for zoey-chan? Dazai: *holding ice to his head* "Yeah. She call, email, or text you?" girl: not recently, nya. the last i saw zoey-chan is when she was going out on her date with her new senpai. i think they were going to that fancy place. *holds up a brochure for a restaurant* Dazai: *looking over the brochure* "Indeed fancy...You see what the guy looked like?" girl: zoey-chan said she would meet him there. but that was days ago now, nya. Dazai: "Hmmm...Has Zoey had many dates?" girl: im not sure. *winks, sticks tongue out and bumps fist against her head very cutely* Dazai: .\\\\. "*ahem* Um...Well, if you hear from Zoey, call us..." *hands business card* -morning, at the higuchi family apartment- Chuuya: *passed out on couch* higuchi: *laying on the floor* TT_____TT higuchi's sister: big sis! get a hold of yourself! -elsewhere- atsushi: she was spotted around...here? Kunikida: "I think so. I wonder what changed his mind about tracking down this woman..." -on a roof- higuchi: *in despair* that woman....with ryunosuke...... !!! (thinking: this has to be a conspiracy! perhaps an assassin from an enemy of the mafia? or perhaps a government agent? i have to stop her before ryunosuke gets hurt!) are you with me, chuuya?! Chuuya: "Zzz..." higuchi: *peeek* O-O *ducks* the agency? here? dammit. *peeeeks with her binoculars* !!! (thinking: that woman in the photo! its the same woman!) Chuuya: *curled up* "R-Rain..." higuchi:....*sighs and peaks over.....kunikida and atsushi are gone*....where- ???: "Do you have business with us?" higuchi: O-O;;;; ACK! Kunikida: "A spy should pay attention to their surroundings when contending with the Man-Tiger's eyes." atsushi: hello. *small wave* higuchi: *shivering* that woman...in the photo.....*gets on her hands and knees, bowing* PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT HER!! Chuuya: *sits up, screaming--lifting up some rocks on the rooftop as well* "RAIN! WHERE ARE YOU?!" atsushi: OHHOLYSWEETFUCK!! higuchi: *CHOP* CHUUYA STOP SCREAMING AND PAY ATTENTION! Chuuya: "..." *falls forward, vomiting* atsushi: O_O is...is he.... *shakes head* we dont know about that lady....we were actually in the middle of finding her ourselves. we were going to give her this letter. *its a love letter* higuchi:......*JAWDROP*........... *lightbulb* LET'S COLLABORATE ON THIS MISSION THEN! atsushi: um....*sweatdrop* kunikida, mind tending to the sick guy? Kunikida: "...Fine. Keep an eye on this woman. She seems dangerous." Chuuya: *vomiting, sobbing* -and so, after chuuya had calmed down a bit- higuchi: i must say, weretiger. it's bold of you to confess such feelings for an older woman. but i wish you the best of luck! atsushi:....huh? ???: *pant pant pant* higuchi: ??? atsushi: mr katai? Katai: "I...am here...to confess to my beloved!" higuchi:...um....what? atsushi: he's the guy who wrote the love letter. Katai: "Yes, I am...!!! And you are with the Mafia!" higuchi: *notices he's pointing away* um...we're right here. atsushi: are you that bad at talking to girls? like seriously? even im not that awkward. Katai: "!!! My love! There she stands!" woman:.... higuchi: !!! oh i am coming for you you bITCH! woman:... O_O; *RUNS* higuchi: GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING COWARD! Katai: "..." *glares--and takes off running* atsushi: shouldnt we...do something? o-o; woman: O-O;;; *running, hopping a fence* Katai: *turns off traffic signals to block the intersection from Higuchi* -the wacky chase scene continues into a warehouse- higuchi: heh, end of the line. you are mine- Katai: "My love! I will save--" gin: *hair up, putting on mask........still in the woman's outfit*......................shit. higuchi:.................................g...gi.....GIN!?!?!?! gin: yes higuchi, its me....oh hey chuuya. i didnt know you were here too. Chuuya: "...Oh, hey, Gin..." *covers his mouth* "Oh, curse my hangover and gravity powers..." @~@ -and so- Katai: *clutching his letter* o~o higuchi: you're his little sister?! gin: yes. several people know this. Chuuya: *nod nod* *sipping ginger ale* higuchi:....*tearing up and begins laughing...very awkwardly* Kunikida: "...I think she's broken." higuchi: ahahaha...haaaa *faints* gin:....*sweatdrop* *glances at katai* and you...what's your deal? Katai: "..." *gets down on one knee, presenting the letter* "Even if you are a member of the Mafia, my feelings have not changed. It was only after I first saw you that I truly understood what beauty is." gin:.....*blinks* Katai: .w.; gin:....*smiles* i'll put this as politely as possible......hell fucking no. Katai: D: Chuuya: "..." *snort* atsushi: ouch. -and so- Katai: *loud wailing and gross sobbing* atsushi: *sitting in the corner....awkwardly* Kunikida: "...Now that this love letter nonsense is behind us--" Katai: "I-I will get to work...Just let me mourn first." atsushi: r-right... *exits* -outside- atsushi: will he really be ok? Kunikida: "Time heals all wounds. Even a broken heart. Besides, he was just infatuated with her image, not the real person." atsushi: i guess that make sense. Kunikida: *nods* "Then when Katai has recovered, he will find our target...and who knows? Maybe this will convince him to return to the Agency..." -at the restaurant- employee: our CCT camera footage? Dazai: "If you please. It is quite important." employee: do you have permission? Dazai: *holds up Kyoka* "Could you say no to this face?" kyouka: -^- *unamused* employee:.....you need a per- Dazai: "Person? Pear?" guard: oh you're from the agency? come this way. Dazai: *smirks at the employee* guard: what footage are you looking for? kyouka: *gives them the date* guard: ah, here you go. Dazai: *takes it* "Where may we watch?" -and so, while reviewing the footage- Dazai: "...She had on a cute dress." kyouka: *rolls eyes* Dazai: "...Where is he...?" -in the footage, someone appears and zoey seems happy to see him- (zoey: ah! you're here!) Dazai: "Come on...turn around, buddy..." (???: "I am. It's wonderful to see you again.") kyouka: i saw him on the entrance camera. Dazai: *pulls it up* "Okay...So, that's the guy?" kyouka: *she nods* Dazai: *freezes the clip, pulls the image* "Let's get a few of these images, then we can make a composite sketch of the target..." kyouka: *nods* Dazai: "Hmmm..." *zooms in on the image* "Tall guy. Okay dresser. Expensive restaurant...Who is this guy?" kyouka: .... guard: maybe digitally enhance it? Dazai: "...Um...Which button does that?" ^^; guard: should be this one. Dazai: "Oh, great!" *taps the button* "...A little better?" -the face reveals....FD- Dazai: "!!!" *falls back out of his chair* kyouka: ?? mr dazai? Dazai: "Shit shit shit shit--" kyouka: ?! guard: h-hey, you ok?! Dazai: *pulls out phone, starts making calls...* kyouka: ??? Dazai: "Yo. You still owe me one. And you should know that he's back...No, not him. No, he's dead! No. No. Yes--him! Right?! I know, right?!!" kyouka: .....*looks back at the screen* -elsewhere- boy: is it really this one? Man: "Yep. The monster." boy: *gulps* Man: "Careful...or he'll pull your mind out." boy: oh, right, the reward. Man: "Hmph. Even getting double isn't worth it..." boy: *taking the bag off the prisoner's head* ?? Prisoner FD: "..." -the next morning- Kid: ๏w๏ kirika: is he done yet? liz: nnnope. Kid: "Hee hee hee...Perfect..." stocking: *smooch* ^^ Kid: *hug* -meanwhile, in the mafia's exec room- kouyou: Dostoyevsky? Mori: "Leader of those thieves, the Rats in the house of the dead. The one who downed the Moby Dick, yes?" ace: indeed. but in my custody, he shall be nothing more than a common rodent. Chuuya: "..." Mori: "Describe this man. What is he like?" ace:... a soulless, vampire like man. Mori: "Then he will learn the severity of the Mafia's retribution, firsthand." ace: please sir, allow me. -elsewhere- -a young woman with dark hair enters a building- woman: ..........casino floor, please... Elevator operator: *presses a button* -as the door closes- woman:....i wonder....a man...by the name....Dostoyevsky....has he....been here? Operator: "Not a common name. I think I'd recognize it if he'd been through here." woman: *showing him a photo* this man......is he...here? in this....building? Operator: "..." Operator: "..." *holds out an open palm, indicating a 'put some money in here' motion* woman:...*places 40 dollars* is he...being held here? Operator: "..." *presses buttons in a pattern--causing the elevator to arrive at a secret floor* woman:...thank you.... *hugs him from behind, taking a scalpel, turning him around....and slitting his throat* Operator: X_____X *slides back* woman:...hehe..... Operator: *blood pooling* zoey:.......*spots someone*....ahh...master fyodor~ FD: *waves* "Yo. Get here alright?" zoey: of course.....i followed your instructions....as ordered....did you....get the files? FD: "Yes. The list of Mafia members' abilities, including their biggest secret..." zoey: oh? FD: " 'The Salvation of Death'..." -elsewhere- Akutagawa: "..." gin: ryu? feeling better yet? Akutagawa: "...Some of the edge has worn away...Thank you. How are you?" gin:....i had a weird guy confess love to me. Akutagawa: "...Do I need to kill him?" gin: i turned him down. im not sure what he'll do with himself. but thats none of my business. Akutagawa: "..." *nod* "Run into anyone else?" gin:...... the were tiger and the glasses man from the agency. Akutagawa: "!!!" *steps back* "O-Oh?" gin: apparently they were helping this man to confess. also higuchi thought i was your lover, and chuuya was there... he seems to be doing somewhat better now. Akutagawa: "..." *sits* "This is a lot to process. Why would Higuchi think you were my lover?" gin: apparently she saw me with you the other day when i brought you home. then again, i wasnt in my usual clothes so...i guess she didnt recognize me...*chuckles* Akutagawa: "..." *small laugh* "The Agency did not give you trouble, did they?" gin: it was surprisingly tame. perhaps, in some other world, you and the were tiger could be friends....nevermind, just rambling. Akutagawa: .\\\\. {atsushi:....*smiles and chuckles*} Akutagawa: *closes his eyes* -\\\\- gin:...*ahem* i'll just... be on my way then. *exits* Akutagawa: *sits back* "..." -elsewhere- Chuuya: *holding ice compress to his head* "...You sure you're okay?" higuchi: im fine. tired, but fine...how did the meeting go? Chuuya: "...Problems." higuchi:...care to elaborate or nah? Chuuya: "...Escaped prisoner." higuchi: who? Chuuya: "The leader of the Rats in the house of the dead..." higuchi:....huh? Chuuya: "Dostoevsky? Guy with the stupid hat?" higuchi: ?? Chuuya: "..." *sigh* "Just know he is bad news and stay away." higuchi: noted. Chuuya: "...Are you going to go after him?" -elsewhere- Hawthorne: "..." margaret:..................*no response* Hawthorne: "..." *pats her hand* -in another room, some unnamed taxidermist is working hard on their current project- FD: "How goes it?" taxidermist: just about ready. this isnt my first human taxidermy. FD: "But will it suit my needs?" taxidermist: you want something to sway that one executive into helping us, correct? FD: *nod nod* taxidermist: *grins* then i believe this one......is as right as rain. -rain's naked corpse lays on a table, in process of being taxidermized- FD: "Hmm...Let me know how it goes. I want it ready in time." -elsewhere- Dazai: "..." atsushi: are you sure you're ok? Dazai: "I will be, when we find him..." atsushi: ??? Dazai: *hands him the photo* "Watch out for this man. If you see him, we need him in custody." atsushi: ?? (thinking: creepy) Dazai: "...Be careful." -elsewhere- Rin: "???" shura: ...what? it is my birthday today. Rin: " 'Kay...I knew that. That's why I was hunting around town for a gift." -elsewhere- Mori: "..." kouyou: this is bad....if he was able to convince ace to-.... Mori: "It is likely he did." kouyou: not to mention how several staff leading down to that place had been slaughtered, including the elevator operator... Mori: "...Security footage?" mafioso: right away sir Mori: "...With that information in his possession..." kouyou: this could mean trouble... Mori: "...We're going to have to use the Agency to our advantage, minimize the damage." -elsewhere- atsushi: good news. our school uniforms came in today! Kyoka: "...Yay." atsushi:....so how was your first official mission? Kyoka: "It was fine. I feel sorry for this woman." atsushi: i could imagine... -later, when shopping for school supplies- Kyoka: *holding a pencil kit* "...Cute." atsushi: *smiles and reaches for a notebook, but his hand touches another* oh! so sorry-.... O-O; Montgomery: *glare* -\\\\- "You touch me again, and you're pulling back a stump." Kyoka: *stare* atsushi: so sorry ma'am! ....wait, are you starting school this year too? Montgomery: "Yes. What of it? Are you going to school?" Kyoka: *notices she's not being noticed* "..." atsushi: actually yes. kyouka and i are starting in september. is it the... *looks at notes* DWMA? i heard they started accepting gifteds into the school now. Montgomery: "Which is why I hope to have additional training on my abilities." *spots Kyoka* "Oh. Didn't see you there." Kyoka: >____< -elsewhere, in a parking garage- bubble gum: oi. ango, 'nother all nighter? ango: im afraid so. bubble gum: perhaps you enjoy doing this work~? ango: please dont patronize me. so what's the report? Officer: "A report on the girl, sir." -elsewhere- atsushi:....kyouka?....are you sure you'll be ok? do you need some time to think? Kyoka: "...I want to know." atsushi: ?? Kyoka: "...I want to know more about my ability." atsushi:...*nods* -elsewhere- kouyou: i have good news, chuuya. Chuuya: "...I doubt that." kouyou: you're uniforms are in~! Chuuya: *annoyed grunt* -elsewhere- louisa: *wandering around the town* homeless dude: HEY LADY WANNA BUY A WATCH?! louisa: EEP! *runs and crashes into someone* oh dear me, im so sorry! ???: "...Change..." louisa: ??....that voice....lord francis?! Fitzgerald: "Fifty...cents..." -and so- louisa:...everyone believed...that you had perished. but i still knew you were alive...you just...had to be... Fitzgerald: "Give up." louisa: ?? *noticing a scar on his shoulder* Fitzgerald: "...What?" louisa: that scar... Fitzgerald: "..." *pulls up his ripped shirt* "Ignore it." louisa: please, come back with us. the guild needs you, i- Fitzgerald: "What you see before you is not a leader. What you see is a corpse, composed just of memories." louisa: ......you've only lost your money, that's all isnt it? but that isnt what your value is. it's your strength, your leadership! when you give me an order, i can become a me that i dont hate! Fitzgerald: "Stop." louisa: .... at least...take this....*gives him 20 dollars* i was going to buy lunch with it, but im sure it'll be fine... Fitzgerald: "..." *takes it* "...My wife saved me." louisa: .....*begins to walk away* Fitzgerald: "One more thing...Don't compare me to the miserable." louisa:....*bumps into someone* oh goodness, im sorry! ???: "...Well, well...Look who we have here..." louisa: eep! thug: so this is that strategist i heard was wandering around here. she's cuter than i expected~ ???: "The one who abandoned us...Grab her!" louisa: !!! *starts running* no! *Someone grabs her* louisa: !!! ???: *takes a pair of pliers* thug: so, i hear this one is still fresh....*smirks* just how i like 'em~. louisa: !!! Boss: "Tell us where the Guild leader is. Or say goodbye to your pinky." louisa: !!!! Boss: "Or maybe I put a bullet through your--" *$20 PUNCH* Boss: *knocked down* louisa: !! lord francis! Fitzgerald: "...That punch used up all the money..." *smirks* "What a disappointing subordinate you are." Boss: "Get him!" -after that fiasco- Fitzgerald: *sits, pants* louisa: um...t-thank you for saving me! Fitzgerald: "I didn't do much--not with the small sum you gave me." louisa:...*small smile* Naturally. Because from the start…What I gave you was free of charge Fitzgerald: "...Well, then, strategist, what's next?" louisa: getting you some fresh clothes....and also a bath. Fitzgerald: "...Quite. Lead the way." -elsewhere- Montgomery: *brewing tea* -elsewhere- Takehisa: "Zzz..." shinra: we're back! Arthur: "We have coffee..." *he looks dishelved* Akitaru: "??? Oh, okay. Everything go okay for you three?" tamaki:.......*goes right to her room* Arthur: >\\\\< Akitaru: "??? O...kay?" -elsewhere- Kid: *hugging the calendar* -elsewhere- Bon: *looking through luggage* konekomaru: looking for something? Bon: "One of the books I was reviewing, trying to anticipate more about this eye." konekomaru: ah. Shima: *ear to the wall* -that evening, at a fancy party- Party attendee: *sips champagne* kouyou: enjoying yourself, chuuya? Chuuya: *holding glass of wine* "..." *sips* "...No." kouyou: .....are you just going to sit here and sulk all night? Chuuya: "No. I also have to use the restroom." -elsewhere in the party- Mori: *looking around* higuchi:.... elise: did you finally score yourself a date, rintarou? Mori: *smiles* "Why would I need a date when I am chaperoning you, Elise?" higuchi:.... *disgusted glare and walks away* Mori: "???" *looks around, staring at certain people...* "Mmm..." -on the balcony- Akutagawa: "..." higuchi:...enjoying the party, ryunosuke? Akutagawa: "Oh. Hello, Higuchi. I am...unsure." higuchi: ah. -elsewhere at the party- Chuuya: "..." rain?: are you enjoying yourself, mr nakahara? Chuuya: "!!!" *turns around* -there is no one there- Chuuya: "..." *stares down at his drink* rain?: *her reflection smiles at him from the glass* Chuuya: "Ah!" *drops his glass* mafioso: mr nakahara? what happened? *has gun out* Chuuya: "N-Nothing! Leave me alone!" *runs* mafioso: ah-..... -a ways down the hall- ???: who are you running from? Chuuya: "N-No...It can't be." *putting his hands over his ears* rain?: i miss you, you know..... -something can be felt hugging him- Chuuya: Q~Q "...This isn't right...This isn't right...Y-You...Rain?" rain?: chuu.....ya...*something looks at him....rain's rotting corpse* Chuuya: *screams* -from the cameras, someone watches- FD: *smiles* zoey: ah...i wonder....what will happen now.... FD: "He'll crack. Want to bet on how long it'll take him?" -elsewhere- Hyde: Q~Q licht: well thats what happens when you chug a whole thing of slushie. Hyde: "My brain cells won't move..." -elsewhere- Chuuya: *in bed, wrapped in blanket* -knocking- kouyou: chuuya? are you alright? Chuuya: "...N-No..." kouyou:...do you need anything? Chuuya: "..." *hug* kouyou:....*humming* Chuuya: *sniffles, cries* kouyou: .....*rubs his back* Chuuya: *rests against her, dozing off...* -a few days later- Kyoka: "...This uniform is stupid." kirako: i think it looks adorable. Kyoka: "You would." *picks up books* atsushi: so this is basically a class orientation today, right? Kunikida: *nods* "So don't embarrass us." atsushi: noted. ._.; -in one of the school offices- teacher: we're so glad you chose our school to attend, mr araragi. Mori: *pats Araragi's shoulder* "And he's happy to be here! Right, son?" Akutagawa: "..." teacher: well, we're glad to have you. i'm sure you'll make lots of new friends here. Chuuya: "..." *whimper* teacher 2: mrs ozaki? is he alright? kouyou: oh he's fine. also it's ms. teacher 2: ah. Chuuya: "...J-Just take me to my classroom..." Akutagawa: *shiver* teacher: r-right.....right this way. Chuuya: *walks...as a pencil lifts up and follows him* Akutagawa: *black eyes* -in one of the class rooms, several students are gathered.- Chuuya: "..." *looks around* "Is this...homeroom?" teacher: just a student gathering. go on ahead and mingle for a bit. Chuuya: "..." Mori: *pushes Akutagawa forward* Akutagawa: *stumbles inside* ???: hey, i think those are some of the new students! Chuuya: "!!!" *looks around* Akutagawa: *turns, faces the wall* ochako: nice to meet you! i'm ochako uraraka. im from a grade above you guys. so i guess that makes me your senior! Chuuya: "...Hi. I'm Chuuya. The guy facing the wall is Aku--Um, Ryuzaki." ochako: ah. well, if you have any questions, feel free to ask ^^ Akutagawa: "How do we get out of class?" ochako: well, classes themselves dont start until september. right now we're just helping the new students find their way around the school. Akutagawa: "Where is the fastest escape route out of the school, then?" Chuuya: "..." *facepalm* -on the steps- atsushi: so many....im gonna die.... *his bag slips* OH NO CRAP! -a girl with twin tails grabs the bag and tosses it back up to him- tsugumi: *smiles* just a little further now! *heads up* atsushi: um....thank you! Kyoka: "..." *nods* "Thank you, small student." -inside- atsushi: woah. it's a pretty big building... Kyoka: "...This school is too large and crowded." atsushi: just make sure to stay by me, ok? Kyoka: "..." *takes his hand* -in one of the halls- Akutagawa: "..." *bangs on side of locker* teachers: -s well as the DWMA, there are also doors leading to other significant schools in the main triad such as the true cross academy and the UA. Chuuya: *opens a door* -this leads to a battle demonstration- Chuuya: "...Block on your right!" itsuka: HYAH! *chops a wood block in half* thanks! Chuuya: *nods* -other sites include the lunchroom, the track field, the library, etc- Akutagawa: "...I could hide in these piles of books." atsushi: *examining plaque* 'maka albarn memorial library'....huh. Kyoka: "...Wonder who she was..." Akutagawa: *hears voice--and spots--* .\\\\. atsushi: someone important i guess. Akutagawa: *inches closer to where Atsushi stands* Kyoka: "Maybe they have a photograph of this 'Maka'..." atsushi: we could ask the librarian. *walking to the desk* Akutagawa: *sneak sneak sneak* Kyoka: "...Someone is following you." atsushi: ??? *turns* Akutagawa: ´･ω･` atsushi:....well, i dont see anyone there... Akutagawa: "MAN-TIGER!" Kyoka: "!" atsushi: nYEEEE!! *almost jumps out of his skin and runs* Kyoka: *tries to hold onto Atsushi* "Calm down..." Akutagawa: oωo atsushi: sorry, i panicked there....i-is he following us? Kyoka: *her hair is blown back by how quickly he ran* "...I can't tell." -nope- Kyoka: "...Coast is clear. Congratulations on running through the halls without getting in trouble, troublemaker." atsushi: *phew* Anya: "...Why are you two hiding like this?" atsushi: YEEP! oh sorry! a-....oh hey, thanks for helping me with my bag earlier. tsugumi: oh, it's no problem. Meme: "First day going alright for you two?" mio: *playing on her handheld* atsushi: it's been somewhat eventful-...*noticing mio* um....excuse me? ma'am? mio:...ya? Kyoka: *staring at her handheld* atsushi: this sounds weird but, do you know this person? *holds a picture up* mio:....no. Kyoka: "...You sure?" mio: *examines it* yeah, im sure. she does kinda look like me though, but no, i dun know her. Kyoka: "If you discover she is a distant relative of yours, tell us immediately." *serious stare* mio: *sweatdrop*....*goes back to playing her game* -in one of the classrooms- Chuuya: *sits in chair* teacher: i see, very good. next up, mr Chuuya Ozaki? Chuuya: "..." *stands* "Hey." teacher: care to demonstrate your ability on the training dummies? -several mannequins are set up- Chuuya: "..." *taps one dummy, causing it to float* teacher: ah, manipulation of gravity. nice. *writing it down* there's actually another student who can manipulate gravity in the UA courses. maybe you've met her already? Chuuya: "I don't know." teacher: *shrugs* up next, mr Ryuzaki Araragi? Akutagawa: *looking blankly into space, still in chair* teacher: mr araragi? Akutagawa: "???" *looking around* Chuuya: *growls whispers* "That's you, stupid." Akutagawa: "..." *stands* teacher: *observing*