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alyrasturnz · 1 month

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can u write something about chris arguing with you and saying really hurtful things and later then feeling bad after 😭😭

I'M SO SORRY

❐ summary » chris utters deeply wounding words during a heated argument, words that linger in the air like a dark cloud, casting a shadow over their relationship. as the echoes of his harsh declarations resonate, both chris and y/n are left grappling with the profound emotional damage inflicted. the rawness of the moment envelops them, each struggling to process the pain and regret that now defines the space between them.

❐ pairings » toxic!chris x fem!reader

❐ warnings » argument (resolved)

❐ a/n && w/c » a chris fic coming from me is rare • 1.83k

the room was thick with tension as you and chris grappled with the day's mounting frustrations. after yet another failed take, chris's patience finally snapped. he slammed a stack of papers onto the table, the sound reverberating through the room, his frustration unmistakable.

"what is wrong with you today?" chris's voice was edged with palpable irritation. "you keep messing up everything. can't you do anything right?"

your eyes widened, a flash of hurt crossing your face. you had been striving to keep everything on track, but the mounting stress was wearing you thin. "i'm doing my best. it's not like i'm trying to make mistakes."

chris's voice grew sharper, frustration seeping into every word. "your best? really? because it doesn't look like you're putting in any effort at all. maybe if you actually cared about this project, we wouldn't be in this mess."

you set down the cleaning supplies, trying to steady your trembling hands. "i care about this project. i'm just trying to keep up with everything that's going on. if you'd just communicate better, maybe things wouldn't be so chaotic."

chris’s laugh was bitter, a harsh edge cutting through his tone. “oh, so now it’s my fault? you’re the one who can’t keep up. do you even realize how much extra work you’re creating for everyone else? it’s like you’re deliberately trying to screw things up.”

tears started to well up in your eyes as you took a step back, your hands clutching the edges of the table. "i'm not trying to cause problems. i'm just trying to help, and i'm getting really tired of being treated like i'm a burden."

chris’s face darkened, his anger simmering over like a storm on the horizon. “a burden? that’s all you are right now. you think you’re contributing, but all you’re doing is slowing us down. maybe if you took a moment to think about how your actions affect others, you’d realize just how much of a mess you’re making.”

your tears began to fall freely, but you fought to keep your voice steady. “you don’t have to be so cruel. i’m already stressed out, and you’re just making it worse. i thought we were supposed to be a team.”

chris’s eyes narrowed, his anger unchecked, like a wildfire consuming everything in its path. he took a step forward, his fists clenching at his sides, the muscles in his jaw tightening as he struggled to contain his fury. “a team? this isn’t a team. it’s a joke. you’re just dragging everyone down with your incompetence. if you can’t handle it, maybe you should just step aside and let someone who actually knows what they’re doing take over.”

your shoulders slumped, the weight of his words pressing down on you like an unbearable burden. your voice broke, trembling with the raw emotion you could no longer contain. “i’m trying my best. i didn’t ask for things to go wrong, and i didn’t expect to be treated like this. maybe if you were more supportive, things wouldn’t be so bad.”

chris’s face twisted into a scowl, his patience completely exhausted, like a thread worn thin. “supportive? i don’t have time to babysit you. you’re a grown adult; you should be able to handle basic tasks without screwing everything up. maybe you should just leave if you can’t handle a little criticism.”

your heart ached with the sting of his harshness, each word like a dagger piercing your resolve. “i don’t deserve this. i’ve been working hard, and all i get is contempt and harsh words. if you can’t see how hard i’m trying, then maybe you’re the one with the problem.”

chris’s anger flared one last time, his voice cold and final, like a winter's chill settling over the room. “you know what? i’m done. i can’t deal with this right now. figure it out on your own. i’m leaving.”

without another word, chris stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him with a force that shook the walls. the silence that followed was heavy and suffocating, like a thick fog settling over everything. you stood alone in the room, your heart aching with the sting of his words and the weight of the unresolved conflict, feeling as though the very air had turned to lead.

as you quietly sobbed, the harshness of the argument hung in the air like a storm cloud that refused to dissipate. you felt utterly isolated, grappling with the emotional fallout of a confrontation that had left you feeling both hurt and abandoned, as if the very essence of your being had been stripped away, leaving you raw and exposed.

»--•--«

the clock struck three in the morning, and the house was silent except for the soft hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of settling wood. you lay curled up on the couch, the cushions barely cushioning the weight of your emotional exhaustion.

the argument with chris had left you feeling hollow, and you had found yourself unable to sleep, opting instead to seek solace in the familiarity of the living room, where even the shadows seemed to understand your sorrow.

the door to the room creaked open slowly, and chris, his eyes bloodshot and swollen from lack of sleep and tears, stepped inside. he looked disheveled and hollow, as if the weight of the night’s argument had physically drained him. the moonlight filtered through the window, casting an ethereal glow that illuminated his troubled face.

he hesitated for a moment at the threshold, then took a shuffling step forward, as if the weight of his emotions were too heavy for his feet to bear. his breath came in uneven gasps, and the tear streaks on his cheeks glistened like fragile rivers of sorrow in the dim light.

the sight of him, broken and vulnerable, was almost more painful than the argument itself. you could see the raw evidence of his tears, each glimmer a testament to his remorse, which hung thick in the air, palpable even from across the room.

"y/n," he whispered, his voice cracking like fragile glass. he swallowed hard, a visible effort to compose himself, yet the depth of his regret seeped through every word. "can we talk?" his plea hung in the air, heavy with unspoken apologies and the weight of his vulnerability.

you didn't move, unsure of what to say or how to respond. your heart still ached from the harsh words he had thrown at you earlier, each one leaving a lingering sting. chris took a few more hesitant steps towards you, the weight of his guilt evident in every movement, as if each step was a silent apology. his eyes, filled with remorse, sought yours, hoping for a chance at redemption.

"I—I know it’s late," chris continued, his voice trembling like a fragile leaf in the wind. "i just... i couldn't stop thinking about what i said. i'm so sorry. i never should have spoken to you like that." his words, laden with regret, hung in the air, a poignant echo of his inner turmoil and the depth of his remorse.

you slowly turned your head, meeting his gaze. his eyes were filled with genuine remorse, tears spilling over his lower lashes like a sorrowful stream. he wiped at his face, but more tears quickly took their place, relentless in their descent. the sight of his vulnerability was both heartbreaking and confusing, a raw display of emotion that left you grappling with your own feelings.

"i was out of line," chris said, his voice breaking further, each word a jagged shard of his regret. "everything i said was hurtful and untrue. i didn't mean any of it, i swear. i just... i let my frustration get the best of me, and i took it out on you. that's not fair. it's not right." his confession hung in the air, a poignant testament to his inner turmoil and the weight of his guilt.

he stopped a few feet from the couch, his posture slumped and defeated, a silent testament to his remorse. "i've been thinking about how much i hurt you, and it's eating me up inside. i don't expect you to forgive me right away, but i want you to know how deeply sorry i am. i never want to make you feel like that again." his words, laden with sorrow, wove a tapestry of regret and a desperate yearning for redemption.

your silence was heavy, the air thick with the weight of his apology. chris's shoulders shook slightly as he tried to steady his breathing, his eyes locked onto yours with an earnest, almost pleading look. his vulnerability was palpable, a raw and unfiltered display of the turmoil within, leaving you to navigate the complex web of emotions that his words had woven.

"i know i've done a lot of damage," chris continued, his voice barely above a whisper, each word trembling with the weight of his remorse. "and i don't know how to make it right, but i want to try. i need to. please, y/n, just... tell me what i can do to make this up to you." his plea hung in the air, a fragile thread of hope amidst the ruins of his actions.

you studied him for a long moment, the pain still fresh but mingling with the realization of his genuine regret. his raw, tearful expression spoke volumes, and you could see how deeply he was affected by the argument.

slowly, you sat up, your heart softening despite the hurt. the silence between you was thick with unspoken words, a delicate dance of emotions that left you both teetering on the edge of reconciliation.

chris took a tentative step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. he reached out a hand, his gesture both hesitant and hopeful, as if afraid that any movement could shatter the fragile moment.

his fingers trembled slightly, a silent testament to the depth of his vulnerability and the earnestness of his desire to bridge the chasm that had formed between you.

"i'm so sorry," he repeated, his voice choked with emotion, each syllable a raw plea for forgiveness. "please, just give me a chance to fix this. i love you, and i never want to hurt you again." his words hung in the air, laden with the weight of his remorse and the desperate hope for redemption, a poignant symphony of regret and longing.

you took a deep breath, the pain and anger of the argument still lingering but softened by the sight of chris’s heartfelt apology. as you finally reached out to him, the first step towards healing began.

the two of you sat together on the couch in the quiet of the early morning, the silence now filled with the weight of shared remorse and the fragile hope for forgiveness. the dawn's light began to filter through the windows, casting a gentle glow on the room, as if nature itself was bearing witness to the tentative mending of your hearts.

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oozedninjas · 10 months

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Heyyyy I was wondering if you could do how the boys realize they're in love with you and how they react to said realization? Maybe even how long they'd take to confess??

Sorry if that's too much in one go or if you've already done it, ily and I love your writing <3

These are technically two requests so I'll just stick to "How they realize they're in love" if that's okay :)

MDNI / Turtle guys are mid to late twenties

BAYVERSE GUYS REALIZING THEY'RE IN LOVE

---

Leonardo:

Once he notices, Leo would carefully consider the implications that come with romantic emotions and reflect upon whether or not he's willing to go through what it entails to give himself to someone.

He would make sure this isn't just a fleeting thing before making any decisions on acting upon those feelings. Once he does, he'll drop little hints that surpass obviousness.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that he is not brave enough to make the moves; it's just that he assumes that what he has to offer is little and prefers to give you all the signs. This way, if you want a relationship with him, you have the necessary tools to let him see that you do want to be courted.

Donatello:

Donnie's sharp enough to recognize what he's feeling the moment he discerns those exquisite tingles in his chest as something beyond just excitement. Yet, like the reserved creature that he is, digesting such emotions and coming to terms with them is… another thing entirely.

I think he would tough it out for the most part. Often bombarded by intrusive thoughts of a negative reaction on your side if you were to find out. His mind plays tricks on him, making him daydream about delightful dates with you, followed by the voice of mockery asserting that could never come to happen.

He has to be realistic. It isn't logical that someone as beautiful and brilliant as you are would risk being with a non-human creature who's not even biologically compatible with you. No, he's better off as your friend.

Raphael:

He knows what he feels for you; however, he refuses to accept it in his heart (or in front of anyone else, for that matter) because it would be too painful not to be reciprocated. Nevertheless, as his feelings for you grow, so do the desires to protect you and keep you safe and secure. This makes it difficult for him to conceal his true feelings to a sharp, tenacious eye as your own.

If he comes to confess his feelings, Raphael would strive to balance his rough exterior with moments of tenderness, as he recognizes the importance of displaying his softer side to achieve more deepening emotional connections.

Mikey

Mikey's excitement and eagerness to be around you would give him away in the blink of an eye. It's cute because he holds this "We should totally date! Haha, joking, joking... UNLESS!" attitude all the time.

I think he would express his feelings in a joyful, creative form. You can expect an outpouring of artistic expressions: drawings, poems, or spontaneous acts of affection.

I think Mike's the one with a higher rate of emotional intelligence; many lessons he's learned across his journey, and in his adult years, it's easier for him to establish his limits and boundaries. With this in mind, I think he would ponder if it's worth potentially ruining his friendship with you. If the answer is yes, he goes with everything he's got.

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celestiaras · 8 months

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‧₊˚✧ ❛[ oh ver, my dearest ]❜

━━━ .°˖✧ requested by anonymous ˚₊ ⊹

ft. ver vermillion x f! reader — xsoleil, nijisanji en

╰₊✧ since it’s your first time, he promises to be gentle┊1.9k words

contains: smut!! dom ver & sub reader┊established relationship, mentions of ver fantasizing, mentions of masturbation (both ver & the reader), first time together & reader’s virginity loss, nipple play, fingering & receiving oral, gentle unprotected sex, slight corruption kink, some praise & body worship, pulling out, pet names (baby) & true love, it’s so fluffy, mentions aftercare

➤ author's note: good god this took way too long and i had to fight the urge for ver to call the reader ‘babygirl’ for the memes because it would ruin the mood

ver vermillion is your high school sweetheart who’s also your first in everything romantic: your first serious crush, your first date, your first relationship, and your first kiss. he’s your first love, like a prince charming from the movies you watched when you were little. he’s the man you can see yourself settling down with and marrying even though you previously never thought your relationship with the busy student council president would last this long. and, of course, he feels the same way! you’re the apple of his eye and he adores you more than anything, just waiting to stabilize your young adult lives before officially tying the knot. everything in your relationship is perfect with healthy communication about wants and needs resulting in little to no fights!

except there is one thing that he keeps secret from you, that being his physical desires. he doesn’t want to rush you when you aren’t ready or make you ill at ease about something that should be pleasurable so he keeps his pent-up frustrations to himself, making use of his fist and his seemingly infinite list of dirty thoughts regarding you that he has tucked away in his mind. unfortunately, it leaves him feeling somewhat hollow on the inside once he finally reaches for some tissues to clean up after himself. doing it alone relieves the tension at the moment, but it leaves him longing for you even more. despite these shortcomings, it solidifies his resolve even more. he is, of course, a gentleman above all things. your comfort and happiness come above everything, reminding him that your first time together will be even more special when it happens.

the importance he’s placed on this moment makes it feel like a wet dream when it actually happens, not quite the first make-out session you ever had but indeed the first time he’s had you under him like this with dim lighting to help set the mood. you smell like his cologne in his oversized hoodie, notes of vanilla and bulgarian rose mixed with the scent of your shampoo that clung to your damp hair. he ran his fingers through your locks to pull your face closer to his, deepening the kiss and pulling soft moans from you in the process as you hooked your arms around his neck. he was so close to you, bodies pressed up right against each other and making you feel feverish from the inside from want and knowing that you were being wanted.

his hands began to explore your body, reaching under your clothing to trace the outline of your hips to your upper thighs. a slight whine from you made him pull back to check in on you, “is this okay? do you want me to stop?”

“n-no, please, ver… i want…” you were so ethereal and fuckable in that moment that he felt himself twitch in his pants just by looking at your pretty face, lips slightly puffy and pupils dilated with lust. he always finds you beautiful, but something about how innocent you looked with all of your cute tantalizing sounds as you squirmed from his touch had him feeling restless. “i want you."

ver’s heart fluttered and he placed one last chaste kiss before resting his forehead on yours, “don’t worry, i’ll take care of you. i promise to be gentle.” he’ll strive to practice constraint to make sure that your first time will be remembered as romantic and intimate, a step forward together to further strengthen your bond. in time when you’re more comfortable though… he’s going to straight-up ruin you— turn you into his lovely little cock-slut who’ll beg for him so sweetly… but he’s getting ahead of himself.

he’s never seen you so exposed like this, his eyes practically glued to your chest and mesmerized by what the lamplight allowed him to see. whenever he almost catches even a glimpse of you, you would hide away calling him a pervert, but you can now see that you were right even if you were joking. ver was always a boobs guy, you suppose, bringing up his hands to cup your soft breasts just marveling at their size and shape that wasn’t hidden away by a bra.

“don’t stare…” you muttered, “it’s embarrassing.”

ver simply hummed in response, slowly raising your hoodie to remove it from your upper body and leaving you in nothing but your underwear. he turned his focus back on your tits, taking one nipple between his index and thumb before following his instinct to move his mouth to suck on the other. it’s such a foreign sensation since you tend to neglect your bust when experimenting with yourself, but you now realize how sensitive they actually are as you begin to whimper from the feeling. you’re usually so quiet because you were self-conscious about how loud you could get when excited, but oh, you sounded like a song with every moan that rewarded him for his actions as he popped his lips off one hardened nub to give attention to the other.

as nice as it was, you desperately craved more stimulation to soothe the aching heat blooming in your core— not even realizing that you were beginning to subconsciously not-so-subtly grind on your boyfriend’s thigh in an attempt to chase more of the pleasure building.

needless to say, this didn’t get past his observant eyes and made him chuckle, “be patient, i’ll give you everything you want in just a moment.”

“please…” you whispered, voice strained with need, “don’t tease me…”

his index trailed from the valley of your chest to the line down your belly before hooking into the elastic of your panties, pulling them along your legs until you were fully naked on the sheets. even with your lack of clothing, you still felt hot with desire. sensing your unease about being the only one nude, he took the time to strip himself of his baggy t-shirt to put himself on display to you as well— he really is handsome with his tousled red-black hair and unblemished fair skin.

you felt his breath ghost over your heat as he positioned himself between your legs, making you realize just how wet you were even though he hadn’t even touched you there yet. while your eyes were shut tight, his remained open to fixate on your face and expressions while licking long stripes along your slit to your clit. his hands snaked around your thighs to keep you still and prevent them from twitching so much, yet your hands were a different story and reached out to grab onto the sheets under you that were becoming increasingly more disheveled.

ver wrapped his lips around your delicate pearl and gently took it into his mouth, sneaking his slender fingers to press into your hole. it doesn’t quite hurt, but it’s certainly new and had you gasping as he slid a second one in with ease. a mix of your arousal with his saliva was dripping down his chin as he began to move his digits in a scissor-like motion to stretch you out.

“you taste so good,” he smiled against your cunt, his words adding vibrations right through your core, “such a pretty pussy to match your pretty face.”

your airy moans were soon replaced with outright cries of pleasure, your toes curling at the feeling of ecstasy shooting up your spine. unadmittedly, you’ve never made it this far on your own since it always got too intense for you to continue, but thanks to your loving boyfriend, you got the taste your your first orgasm— making you choke and see stars as you drenched his fingers and mouth.

he moved away (high-key feeling proud of himself) after knowing that he prepped you enough to take his rock-hard cock, looking at up him with pleading eyes as he whipped off his mouth with his forearm— not daring to look at the bulge that formed a prominent tent and just meeting his eyes instead. he pulled himself from his sweats and pumped his erection a few times, muttering words that were just out of earshot.

“are you ready, baby?” his voice was somewhat strained with want and trying his very best not to fuck you like a feral animal right now, focusing on your comfort.

the tip of his cock prodding at your virgin entrance made you feel nervous at first, but ver’s kisses all over your face made you feel more at ease and you nodded firmly to indicate that you were ready for him. he took his time to ease himself into you with a desperate sigh, allowing you to feel every inch of him while he came back down to your level to press kisses all over your face.

he wasn’t too big to the point where you thought he would split you open, but it was certainly enough that he had to give you a minute to get used to his size. your lower half was buzzing with pleasure, his cock brushing up against all the right spots in your throbbing cunt that you didn’t even know existed.

once you felt well-adjusted, you let out a shaky breath, “you can move now… p-please… keep going…” you were so shy with the back of your hand covering your mouth as you said it, but ver was about to gladly indulge the two of you with your permission.

“ahh, fuck, you’re so tight…” his pace wasn’t too fast, mainly because he was fixated on where the two of you were connected, unable to tear his eyes away from your pussy greedily sucking him in and making it difficult for him to pull out and push in. “shit, you’re so fucking beautiful, doing soo good for me..,”

all embarrassment of being too loud dissolved once he penetrated you, beginning to freely moan with the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing off the walls. he knows it keeps on crossing his mind, but god, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting— seeing you so vulnerable under him and trusting in him for him first had him suddenly feeling full of love just as he felt many times throughout the years of being your lover.

he reached out to intertwine his fingers with yours as he continued to press into you, his pace gradually becoming more sloppy with every move of his hips. the now familiar feeling of a knot tightening in your stomach was signaling your second orgasm, clamping onto his hands until it snapped. he soon followed suit after feeling you contract and spasm around him, doing a few more thrusts before pulling out and spilling his seed onto your torso.

while he could have gone for a few more rounds personally, he knew that you were spent and absolutely exhausted. he proceeded to put on his now-soiled sweatpants properly and gave you another open-mouthed kiss, wiping off the bit of drool trickling out your mouth with his thumb. “let me run a bath for you, okay baby? i’ll wash the sheets and you can sleep afterward, does that sound good?”

you nodded weakly and gratefully accepted the bottle of water he handed to you after opening the cap, watching his retreating figure head into the bathroom to fill it with warm water and probably some bath salts as well.

yep, this was definitely the man you wanted to marry.

#📜. her works #nijisanji #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji smut #ver vermillion #ver vermillion x reader #ver vermillion smut #xsoleil #xsoleil x reader #xsoleil smut

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bambi-kinos · 6 months

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I have been thinking about this ask since I got it and as to the question of why John treated people the way he did, especially Paul. My take on this situation is that John Lennon was not allowed to grow up by the environment and people he was surrounded by and so he could not envision the future consequences of his actions the way that the average adult can. This with the addition of his constant drug use (which in all likelihood left him with significant brain damage) meant that he could not function the way an adult should.

John actually did have periods of emotional growth where he looked inward, changed, and tried to do better. These moments took place before he got famous, when he was faced with adversity and he rose to meet it.

IMO Hamburg 1960 was such a time. John partied, he found new pills to take, he experimented with kissing and shagging men, he discovered transgender people (and shagged them), and had a lot of ups and downs with his boyfriend(s) and his group. It is easy to dismiss this as mindless hedonism but as a retired hedonist myself (though I never pushed as hard as John did) I will tell you: hedonism can lead to introspection and self knowledge. John really pushed it to its limits and he almost lost Paul because of it but I think the Great Unknown that happened in Hamburg pushed John to actively change. He cleaned himself up a bit especially once Stuart left to be with Astrid. Once he came back to Liverpool (after enduring the trauma of his bandmates being ripped from him, yet another violent separation that no doubt would have left him in an emotional tailspin) he rested, hooked up with Cynthia, and then went looking for Paul knowing that he needed him to make this band thing work. Like, John spent a few weeks in his bedroom not speaking to anyone once he went home. He didn't want to be seen, he wanted to sleep and eat hot food, and think. He was considering whether he should continue with the band or not, if this was really worth it. Which implies there was a precarious moment where John was thinking of just ending The Beatles. He decided that the plan still had merit, ran into George, and then went to fetch Paul. A few months of light groveling and nagging later, Paul was his again. John committed to The Beatles and therefore committed to Paul. Paris was the culmination of this change and John's reward for putting in the work, and from what we can gather, Paul made every inch worth John's while.

The Beatlemania years leading up to Sgt. Pepper and psychedelia. This was period is more like 1961-1965 Shea Stadium. From here it was an upward climb and subsequently the most intense period of his relationship with Paul. I don't think this was just youthful enthusiasm and the flush of a new relationship, I think John was learning and growing as a person thanks to this adversity. He bonded even closer to Paul which resulted in their intimacy deepening; John's songwriting matured and culminated in "Ticket to Ride" which is a brutal self evaluation of his own faults and how he drives his loved ones away from him. You don't write a song like "Ticket to Ride" because you have no idea what it's like for your lover to get fed up with your moodiness and leave you. John was much more self aware than he's given credit for. This continued onward, them thinking they've reached the summit only to find there's a new height to climb. John said something to the effect of "I saw the top of the mountain" as a result of the first Shea concert. (They would do a second Shea concert in 1966.) That was when he realized that The Beatles were it and that they were not vacating the number one spot any time soon. What else was there to strive for?

And I think after that, a lot of John's emotional development kind of...stopped. Or was held up. Or slowed down to a snail's pace, whichever you prefer. The LSD had a hand in this, tripping constantly takes a lot out of you. Yesterday played its part, John emotionally retreated out of fear of losing Paul (which of course ensured that he lost Paul forever). Success becomes your enemy sometimes; John had so much success that he no longer had to face adversity, no longer had to grow because everything he wanted was on tap. As someone somewhere said, fame ruined the Beatles in this way.

That's the crux of it, I think. He just stopped maturing. It was childish the way he slagged off Paul -- not just Paul but other people as well. Sean said that John spent the rest of his life apologizing to everyone he ran into because of Lennon Remembers, which implies he burned a lot of bridges with that one. John had a habit of doing that and his fame as a Beatle enabled him to do it without consequences. No one was willing to stand up to him so he didn't get to learn a pattern of "don't do this or else this will happen." He was mentally damaged from his drug usage and I also wonder if he had a genuine learning disability of some kind because he simply could not make the connection between cause/effect: "If I do X then Y might happen so I shouldn't do X." His mother was not a drug user like John but she exhibited many of the same behaviors he did. Namely the "inability to visualize consequences" thing.

John did care about Paul, especially when it was starting out. I think the love was pure then because his mental aesthetic of who and what Paul was had not yet been distorted. John knew who Paul was, he knew who John Lennon was, they were in love and everything was possible.

But then John's untreated mental illness begins to take its toll, he's self medicating with drugs which does more harm than good, his mental aesthetic of Paul distorts more and more because Paul will not let him in. The media did this to John too, all of them reporting on how cool Paul was and how amazing Yesterday is and John is shitting himself internally because he can feel the split already forming between them musically. John is unable to stop himself from manipulating Paul in response, which is a bad move because Paul is the ultimate contrarian and bolts in response. Which sends John into deeper panic etc. And oh yes, the entire world is watching them while this happens and nitpicking their every move. We live in the age of social media, we know what this is like.

Over time that love became mixed in with anger and resentment. John could not tell fantasy from reality. He did what he always does and he imagined something, tricked himself into believing it, and then got mad about something that didn't exist. If he did reach out to Paul then Paul responded badly, which understandably devastated John's feelings.

When you show someone your real feelings and they dismiss you or trivialize your vulnerability because they want to Win At Being Right...your relationship crumbles with that person. A common bug in Paul's relationships is that he needs to Win At Being Right even at the expense of people loving him. We don't know this for sure but I'm convinced he did this to John plenty of times. Frankly, a relationship cannot survive that behavior. Lack of mutual respect kills marriages all the time. I absolutely believe that Paul disrespected John and trivialized his feelings (even if by accident) and that this caused John to become bitter over time since Paul took him for granted. Who wouldn't become bitter under those circumstances?

This is how they got into the "fuck you/no, please, fuck you/no no no fuck YOU/I absolutely insist, you must go fuck yourself" cycle. Which John really just expanded on during the 1970s with his bitching about Paul, it was just another level of the "fuck you bitch" cycle that started between them with Yesterday. And John's immaturity and brain damage from drug usage and his inability to understand consequences meant that he didn't fully comprehend what he was doing. He didn't want to think that Paul was vulnerable because Paul had rejected John's vulnerability. He didn't want to imagine he was hurting Paul deeply because Paul had hurt him deeply. He wanted revenge on Paul more than he wanted to keep his relationship with Paul because he thought Paul wouldn't be too damaged by it. I think John had gotten comfortable with the idea that no matter what he threw at Paul, Paul would not only survive it but that he'd rub John's face in it. I don't think John ever considered the idea that he could actually succeed in what he was doing, he never imagined that he would actually win the argument and that he would damage Paul's image and John's relationship with Paul forever. That sense of "I'll lose no matter what" enabled him to act out however he wanted because it wasn't like any of it would matter anyway, right? Paul can survive anything. He's invincible.

Right?

John did love Paul, I believe that. I think he loved Paul deeply and sincerely. I think if he actually understood what Paul was thinking and feeling then John would have changed tactics immediately or even stopped what he was doing. But John's drug usage, years of slights and disrespect from Paul, being unable to visualize consequences, and immaturity caused him to act out in a childish way. He stopped listening to Paul and started listening to his resentments and grudges. Lashing out at Paul was the only outlet he had and John didn't know how to do anything else. He had no incentive to learn otherwise and grow up, deal with Paul on adult terms.

Funnily enough I think it's actually losing George that finally set something into motion inside John. Like, George cut John off, an extremely big deal. In my neck of the woods its called "severing" and its probably the most difficult thing you can possibly do with any sort of relationship. George ignored John; he cut John out of his autobiography; he stopped talking to John; he did not mention him in public. He knew this was the most brutal punishment he could devise for John Lennon and it worked. John wrote "lost" by George's name in the word association game. John went too far bitching about Bob Dylan and not apologizing for hanging George out to dry. George had enough and did the right thing. He severed his relationship with John because John was toxic and dragged George down. Of all the people in John's life, George is the one who willingly served consequences to John when he was surrounded by enablers and errand boys.

That, more than anything, seems to be what set John on the back foot. I sincerely believe that George cutting him off forced John to do some introspection and that is part of what he was doing in the Dakota after Sean was born. Asking himself what he did to make George cut him off; and then John slowly started to grow and mature again. Because you see, George provided what Paul couldn't: he gave John adversity to meet, which forced John to grow as a person. And so we got the song "Woman" which is not just about the women in John's life but is also a letter to all the people he hurt with his thoughtlessness and immaturity, where he finally starts taking responsibility for his actions:

I can hardly express, My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness, After all I'm forever in your debt,

I will try to express, My inner feelings and thankfulness, For showing me the meaning of success,

hold me close to your heart, However distant don't keep us apart, After all it is written in the stars,

please let me explain, I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain, So let me tell you again and again and again,

It's on par with "Ticket to Ride" and "I Know, I Know" in John showing introspection and discussing his own flaws. Something that he notably was not doing during his peak "fuck you Paul" era.

John loved Paul but also resented him due to their circumstances. He wanted to hurt Paul but didn't think he could actually do so because his mental aesthetic of Paul was so viciously distorted. He dehumanized Paul by putting him on a pedestal, made him an object John could degrade at a moment's notice to make himself feel better. You can do that to objects without consequences; when you do it to people, you get pushback.

Losing George and Paul keeping him at a distance for years is what made John finally realize that he had hurt them and that he could hurt them to the point that he would never see them again. It took years of self examination for John to come to this realization which indicates how disordered and muddy his thinking was.

#john lennon #paul mccartney #george harrison #mclennon #my meta #beatles meta #the beatles #talktalktalk

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whatyadrawin · 4 months

Text

The Fruit After The Flesh 18+ -Chapter 14

Minors DNI!

Masterlist

Approximately 4,989 words

Pairing: Thomas Hewitt (Headcanon) x AFAB reader

This chapters Warnings: Sexual language and depiction of sexual acts, foul language, brief PTSD scene, mention of reproductive choices. This is Slasher smut, be mindful of that and use your discretion.

A/n: See the end of chapter for a special authors note since I dont want to spoil anything here. I feel pretty good about this chapter, the art has some sloppy work because I was passing out while working on them so please be nice, I hope theres no typos or weirdness in the edited writing either because I was also passing out for that. The censored image can be viewed raw on my google doc (By clicking that link you are consenting to seeing graphic adult imagery and you are over 18). Let me know if you want to be in the tag list. I update chapter progress on the masterlist whenever something changes.

Please enjoy this chapter! I worked very hard on it so reblogs, comments, and likes are appreciated very much.

Tag List: @fan-goddess , @artxasa , @baybaybear1 , @amour-tae , @dij-ology , @jillian-mill

Chapter 14

The day started with you getting a phone call from the contractor, he informed you that your house was fully repaired and ready to move back into; You immediately got changed and walked over, highly excited to see the finished work. You arrived quickly, opening the heavy wooden door where the smell of fresh paint and new wood filled your lungs. The sun’s rays lit up the rooms giving the home a cheery appearance, as if it was happy to see you.

You slowly made your way through the entrance to head straight for your room, when you passed through the doorway you felt a knot form in your stomach, the memory of the fire was making you feel fear as if you were experiencing it all over again. You let the anxiety hit you to really feel the emotions fully, you figured if you could handle the ghost of the past then you could strive to overcome it.

Within a few short moments, the feeling passed but the cortisol surge remained. You left the bedroom and sat on the couch in the living room exhaling deeply as you reclined. You looked out at the large storage container that you had yet to completely empty, it was costing you to keep it on the property and felt like a constant reminder of how new you still were to this country.

The entire day was spent emptying out the storage crate to fill up your home. Extra clothes and furniture found their place in every corner of the house, by nightfall you managed to get your bedroom and bathroom to look mostly normal again. The fire destroyed your bed and stained the wardrobes with soot, some floor lamps were melted and unusable as well as your window curtains.

-Looks like I need to buy a new bed and some furniture- You thought about how nice you could make your room, and what curtains to buy to cover the bedroom window with. -I think it might be good to invest in some security features too while I’m at it- Dover’s attack on you affected the way you felt when you were alone, it was now pertinent to have visibility from many angles and access to view them at any time in case someone tried to hurt you while you were unaware again.

After ruminating on your fears, you locked up and left the house, the moon was now high in the sky and you realized you hadn’t eaten all day. When you left and got to the end of your driveway, you saw headlights shining up the road heading in the direction of the Hewitts house. The driver gave a honk and when you squinted to look, you recognized the truck, it was Charlie.

He pulled up next to you and reached over to unlock the passenger door,

“Get in ‘fore you get ate by a coyote” he said through the open window.

You smile and hop into the passenger’s side of the truck; the seat is rough edged from wear and scrapes the exposed skin on your leg as you slide onto it. You shut the door and thank him for picking you up,

“Are there really coyotes around here?” You asked

He smirks, “Well now, ain’t a whole lot of wildlife really comin’ ‘round here no more.”

You wrinkle your brows, “Must be lucky then eh?”

He chuckles and raises his eyebrows, “Somethin’ like that”

You roll your eyes and give a tight-lipped smirk, you knew it wasn’t luck, if anything it was a whole lot of bad luck that accumulated on this land brought onto poor hapless victims taken from the outside world just to feed the starving Hewitts. This land really was a world of its own, it felt like you were existing in another universe, the remoteness didn’t help much with that either.

“What’s ‘at look for?” he was obviously trying to sleuth out your expression.

Your eyes widen and you quickly face the open window to prevent further incriminating looks,

“Nothing” you hope he would drop it, but he continues,

“You’re bein’ real suspicious ain’t ya? Somethin’ I should know ‘bout?”

You reply with a hint of annoyance in your voice,

“Oh my Goduh, nothiiiiiiiiing” -that should throw him off-.

Charlie laughs and changes the subject,

“You gon’ move back into Tilly’s house now that it’s fixed up?”

You continue to look out the window,

“Yeah, I have been bothering you guys long enough.”

He quickly replies, “You was never no bother girly, I know Luda Mae’s gon’ be real upset seein’ you less. She sure hates an empty nest.”

You didn’t think it would be that much of an impact, you felt like a total leech living there for as long as you did,

“I’m sure she will be relieved having less cooking and housework to do…she never let me help.”

Charlie laughs, “That woman? She’s been feelin’ like a mother again what with doin’ all the women’s work. Was always her happiest when she was carin’ for the boy. Obsessed with motherhood, guess it’s normal for womenfolk to think like that.”

You roll your eyes, you had become used to the way Charlie spoke about women in the time you lived with him, but it was still obnoxious to hear such outdated ideals in modern day.

Charlie puts his arm up on the bench seat, he gives you an inquisitive look, he asks,

“You think like her at all?”

You sigh, “Isn’t that a bit personal?”

He sucks his teeth and looks at the road, he continues,

“Shoot girly, it’s just a question.”

You remain quiet for a few seconds before responding, “No… it’s never really been a goal for me.”

“Huh.”

You replied, already feeling defensive, “What?”

“Just never encountered a ‘no’ from a woman regardin’ kids is all.”

Instinctively, you began preparing to hear the usual patriarchal bullshit thrown at women who choose a different reproductive path. You prepare the counter arguments in your head, you cross your arms and say,

“Ok, lay it out then, tell me how I’m going to change my mind someday or whatever. Let’s get it over with”

Charlie lets out a confused grunt, he turns to you laughing,

“Sweetheart, I couldn’t give two shits ‘bout you not wantin’ to get knocked up. Only reason I bring it up is ‘cus I heard some foolin’ around in the basement the other day.”

Your eyes widen and you tense up with embarrassment, he laughs again,

“Now don’t get yourself all twisted up ‘bout it, s’about time that boy got some tail.”

Your muscles relax a bit, you couldn’t help but blush at your seemingly private exploration being heard. He continues,

“If you n’ the boy are gettin’ that serious, I feel I need to warn you that he’s got no bullet with the blast”

Your nerves wanted out of this conversation, but your curiosity made you dig for information,

“How would you know something like that?”

“Tommy ain’t our blood, Luda Mae found him in a dumpster behind the meat packin’ shop she worked at back in the day. Was a large thing, that boy, t’was clear the momma didn’t want nothin’ to do with him so she tossed him like trash. He was uglier ‘n hell as a baby, not much different than now.” He laughs. “But he ain’t right, somethin’ in his dang blood made him grow into such a fuckin’ beast, made him stronger than any man I ever knew.”

The road was coming up on the house now, you wanted to know more, so you turned to fully face Charlie and asked,

“Being big and strong doesn’t make someone infertile…”

Charlie smirked as he parked the truck near the wheat field and shut off the engine, he leaned his head at an angle to look at you without turning his body,

“Girly, you remember we told you ‘bout the infection fuckin’ up his face?” You nod,

He continues, “He was in the hospital a few weeks getting’ medicine. If he was a normal kid he woulda died. The doctor told us he had some, uh… dang what’d he say now?” Charlie ran his hand through his hair as he thought, “I dunno what it was, somethin’ ‘bout his blood bein’ shitted up n’ to not expect any grandkids, specially with all the drugs they dun gave him. Luda Mae was real upset; I didn’t give no fucks long as he’d help ‘round the farm, and boy did he get useful.”

He got out of the truck and started walking to the house, you sat there mulling over the information you were given. -If he is infertile… No need for protection I guess- The thought of finally being able to safelyhave raw unprotected sex made you hot with lustful fantasies, sex was hard to fully enjoy when you always had the underlying fear of pregnancy looming over you.

You entered the house and made your way to the kitchen where you saw Luda Mae in a nightgown pouring from a teapot. She turned and saw you, a smile immediately formed on her lips,

“You been away all day dear, did you eat anything?”

You shake your head and walk closer to her, she continues,

“Just as I thought. I saved you some dinner in the fridge there, you can heat it up in the oven which is already preheated for you.”

She sets down the teapot and says,

“Did you get a lot done dear?”

You open the fridge and find a large plate filled with comfort food, you respond,

“Thanks for saving me dinner, you didn’t have to.” She smiles at you, and you continue,

“I got a ton of things done, I’ll be out of your hair once my bed arrives”

Luda Mae’s smile sank, you could tell she didn’t want to hear you were leaving. She saw you looking at her expression and quickly changed it back to a smile, saying,

“Well, that’s good for you dear, but don’t go feelin’ like you have to leave right away now. Take as much time as you need.”

You feel her hand gently placed on your upper back, she gives you some comforting rubs and you tell her,

“Don’t worry, I’m going to be over a lot. It’s just that the orchard needs someone there to care for it, and it’s a big job.”

She nods, understanding the need to get back to normal,

“Alright hun, you eat whatever you like and get some tea from the pot there. I’m headin’ to bed now but if you need anything, just knock on my door.”

You thank her again and she walks up the stairs. You see Charlie come in after her, he went straight for the bread buns in the basket on the counter.

“You headin’ to bed girly?”

You shake your head, he stuffs the bun in his mouth and begins to leave,

“thya ‘omarro” His words were muffled by the food he was chewing, you wished him a good night and listened to him walk up the stairs to his room, his footsteps thudding more quietly with each step.

You put the plate in the oven and let out a big sigh as you sat in the chair, you weren’t tired despite being busy all day. The thoughts of Tommy unloading his orgasms into you were energizing, you sat there feeling the ache between your legs gain intensity. -he must have gone to sleep by now, I better get changed out of these sweaty clothes-

You made your way to the bedroom and threw off your shirt and shorts, you took off your bra and exhaled in relief letting your breasts experience natural gravity again. You picked out a purple oversized T shirt that reached your knees, you felt immediately comfortable and paused before you left the room. -Might be fun to feel a little breeze as I eat dinner, everyone went to bed anyway- you quickly slipped your underwear off and tossed it near your bed, you blushed as you made your way to the kitchen giggling to yourself about the bold idea.

You step back into the kitchen and turn off the oven, you leave the plate in there to soak up the last bits of heat so it doesn’t have any cool pockets to ruin the meal. You turn and open the side door that leads to the porch, your bare feet touching the smooth wood floor. The moon was bright and lit up the land, you looked out at your home up on the hill, it was a barely visible white blob sitting lonely on the hilltop watching over the orchard.

You wondered what this town was like when it was busy, there weren’t many buildings around that you saw when you reached the gas station, but you also never drove up the road past the Hewitt house; as far as you knew, there was just tall grass and an evil man’s hiding hole.

The night air was refreshingly cool, it brushed under your shirt and tickled your naked body which felt invigorating. Back home it was rare if the nights were warm enough to stand outside half dressed, but you also didn’t have a large private porch to lounge in either.

Suddenly, a glow of warm yellow string lights lit up from the roof of the porch illuminating a large man standing in the doorway. It was Tommy, he bent down to avoid hitting his head on the doorframe and closed the door behind him. You were shocked to see him, and were now very aware of the fact that you were completely nude under this shirt, you almost missed the fact that he was shirtless.

You pull down your shirt to ensure it isn’t somehow lifting up and making your lower region visible,

“I thought you were asleep?” you ask

“Heard y’come in, wanted t’check up on ya” he spoke softly.

He moved next to you, putting his massive arms on the railing and leaning forward to look at the land. You felt nervous being so close to him with your secret hiding under the thin fabric of your shirt. -Why am I nervous? I was in a pond with him naked for gods sake!- Despite your previous escapades you still felt giddy at the thought of him discovering your hidden nudity.

You try to divert your nerves with conversation,

“Thanks for teaching me how to defend myself, it feels better knowing I might stand a chance now.”

He nods at you and smiles with his eyes, his dark mask hiding his damaged skin, you noticed his pushed back hair was wet and when he moved closer you could smell the fresh scent of a masculine scented soap, it was intoxicating. You shake your head a little to snap yourself out of it,

“S-so were you going to stay up here a while? I need to get my dinner out of the oven if you want to hang out as I eat.”

You quickly make your way to the kitchen hoping to escape his alluring scent, it was flooding your mind with wicked thoughts about his arms squeezing around you like a python while he fucked you. -god damn, why does he have to smell so good, and look so good, and be so fucking massive and hot!- You argued with your thoughts, you wouldn’t be able to try playing with him while Luda-Mae and Charlie were just one floor away, too risky, but you didn’t want to be obvious by pulling him downstairs.

You were wise to his antics, and you remember when he said “I’m gon’ start messin’ with y’now”he made sure you understood he was going to torture you with desire. He followed you into the kitchen barely being able to pass through the doorframe, you try to ignore him, you were onto him and wanted to see what he would attempt.

“I’ll get that for ya” he reached down into the oven without oven mitts and grabbed the plate without flinching, he sets it down on the table in front of you then reaches to get you a fork.

You touch the plate and it stings with heat,

“How didn’t that burn you?”

He shrugs, “Thick skin I guess”

He takes a seat next to you and hands over the fork, you thank him and begin to eat. He leans back in the chair and relaxes as he watches you, he then asks,

“That house o’ yers is done huh”

You nod, eating hastily not realizing how hungry you were. He continues,

“Y’gon’ move on out then?” His voice was vibrating the plate on the table from the low timbre.

You swallow the large ball of food in your mouth and reply,

“The orchard hasn’t been properly tended to in a while, I have to keep those trees alive and… Tilly made it a clause in her will.”

He crosses his arms and nods, leaning back and looking away,

“Won’t see much of ya ‘round then I s’pose”

You put the fork down and sit back, a serious look on your face, he looks over at you and notices the shift,

“What’s amatter?” he asks.

You look him in the eyes, “I wanted to run something by you actually”

He shifts in his seat and places one arm on his thigh and the other on the table while his torso was turned to face you,

“Y’can ask me whatever y’want”

A tiny smile hits your lips from his words,

“Well, Dover didn’t really teach me about caring for the trees. I figure I can read up on it and do my best to learn everything I can but…” You paused, you clenched the edge of your t-shirt bottom before finding the courage to push out the question, “I want to know if you knew anything about caring for orchards, and maybe, if you did… you could teach me the basics until I can do it myself”

Tommy was quiet, he put his hand to his chin and was deep in thought, you got nervous and added,

“Y-you can say no its ok, I know it’s a big ask since you already do so much around here, I just thought it would be nice to… spend more time together is all.”

He leaned back in the chair, it creaked under his weight,

“I’ll help ya. I dunno a whole lot ‘bout orchards but, I helped Tilly when she needed it, she taught me a thing or two”

You smile, “I’m really glad”

You got up to put the leftovers away, Tommy followed and stood up to open the fridge door from behind you as you placed the food back inside.

When he shut the fridge door, he kept is arms around you fencing you in. You spun around to look at him, he was towering over you, his steely blue eyes gazed at you through heavy lids. He moved his hand to gently caress your neck and trailed it under your jaw, lifting your face to look in his eyes.

“Y’don’t need no excuse to get me alone” his voice was smooth and enshrouded your mind making you feel a wave of arousal flood your body.

“Oh Yeah?” you speak in a breathy whisper.

He nods slowly, you touch the thick leather of his mask and say,

“What do I need to do to see your handsome face then?”

He hangs his head down and laughs, he lifts his head and brings it close to your face,

“Go ‘head then”

You excitedly remove the mask revealing his gnarled old wound that exposed his teeth through his cheek, the more you got to see his real face the harder you fell for him.

“Still likin’ what y’see?” he asks.

You smile and lift yourself up to his face, you look into his eyes and slowly move in to kiss his lips. He lets out a muffled hum as he kisses you back, you press in harder and lift your hands to cup his face, his stubbles was shaved off to a clean finish. You forgot how wonderful his lips felt, the kiss quickly became heated with passion, both of you began to breathe more hastily.

Tommy put his hands on the sides on your body, slowly moving them downwards until he reached where he wanted to. He wrapped his hands around your thighs and lifted you up onto his chest so your face was the same level as his, you stifled an excited squeal when your body lifted into the air so effortlessly.

He smiled and kept you in his arms while kissing you, you threw your arms around his neck to keep your body leaned forward past his bulky pecs to reach his face. You felt his hands move inwards towards your weepy slit. He was trying to get a more stable grip so you could sit comfortably, but when his fingers discovered no underwear, he stopped kissing you and gave you a devilish grin,

“What we got here?” he spoke through a chuckle

You blushed and bit your lip remaining quiet, unsure of what to say,

He kept tickling your labia with gentle flicks of his fingers, your breathing hastened and you suppressed a moan with your hand over your mouth,

“Bad girl, y’need to go to yer room huh”

You nod, “Put me there”

He moves his mouth close to yours, but when you lean in for a kiss, he slowly pulls away grinning. He carries you through the porch door, entering sideways and leaning down to avoid hitting his head. He stops when he reaches the double door leading to your room, he turns around and places you on the railing of the porch which is wide enough for you to sit comfortably.

“Why did you set me here?” you ask.

“I aint givin’ in so easily” he grumbles through a smirk

“…do you want me to beg or something?” you laugh.

He gives you a smug look, “Maybe”

“Oh please, I can keep myself under control. No amount of flirting would make me want to be-“

He cuts you off by gripping your hips and pulling your body close to the edge of the railing top so you were flush against his warm torso. You huff defiantly until he presses his erection onto your cunt, your abundant juices coated the fabric of his sweat pants. You let out an unexpected moan and quickly cover your mouth to quiet it.

Tommy slowly rubs his stiff cock up and down the length of your lips, pressing in when his head met your hole just to tease you. He was grinning watching you hold your hand to your mouth as you hushed your whines. You so badly wanted to feel the skin of his dick move inside you, the cloth barrier was unbearable. He was enjoying the antagonization, his grip on your hips was firm you wouldn’t be able to escape even if you wanted to, he just kept pulling you closer to him until you gave in and said,

“Please, I want it” your words were like a song to him.

“Well, since y’asked nicely” he growled.

He threw you over his shoulder, making you giggle, and entered your room through the porch entrance closing the doors behind him as swiftly as he entered. He gently laid you on the bed gazing down at you while you writhed with arousal, you hesitantly spread your legs and lifted your shirt to reveal your lower half. Tommy got on the bed, it made a creaking groan under his massive weight. He leaned over you and placed one of his hands down between your folds caressing your entrance, you breathed in sharply and spread your legs further to let him have more access.

Tommy ran his fingers over your tender skin, his digits getting slick with wet the more he rubbed. You put your arms around his neck and pulled his face onto yours and kissed him, he moaned into your mouth and slipped his middle finger into your hole,

“Oh fuck” you whispered

His finger was almost as thick as an average man’s penis, and just as long. He slowly moved in and out of you, the calloused skin scratched your walls and bumped your g-spot sending your nerves into overdrive with pleasure, he feels your walls clench down on his finger,

“Y’got such a tiny lil hole” he says gruffly.

“Yeah? Why don’t you fuck it then” you command.

He pulls his finger out and runs his hand up your shirt skimming along your sensitive skin as he moves, he finds your breast and starts massaging the nipple making you moan with the electrical impulses that tickle your nerves.

“Y’want me bad huh” his tone was mocking.

You reply in a breathy tone “Please, fuck me”

Tommy pinches your nipple before he leans back and pulls his massive cock out from under his sweatpants, his erection was so full that he whined as he held it. Seeing his massive length was sending you over the edge with desperation. Tommy lowered himself down so his shaft lay on your clit, his dick was heavy and warm, the feeling of it on your swollen nub was making you feel drunk with desire.

He rubbed his length up and down your wet folds at an agonizingly slow pace, your wetness coating all along his cock making it glisten in the light of the moon. You tried to wrap your legs around his hips to pull him in but he quickly grabbed them with ease and pushed them all the way back so your knees were touching the sides of your chest.

You were so sexually frustrated with having him tease your greedy hole, you tried to raise your hips to entice him to slip inside but he remained steady.

Tommy saw how badly you wanted him to fuck you, he loved watching how your body beckoned him to enter it. He decided to have mercy on you and pressed his thick head on your hole, allowing you to slowly adjust to the width. He let out heavy sighs as your pussy began to slowly swallow his tip, the soft velvety feel of your lips made him moan deeply. The stretch of his girth sent waves of pleasure through your core and the vibration of his deep voice made it seem like you were mating with a beast.

You managed to slip halfway down his head before he couldn’t take much more and he began to slowly move his tip in and out. He was groaning, trying to control himself but your slicked entrance was beginning to bring out something feral from deep within him, he kept trying to slide more of himself inside but you weren’t opening up fast enough to allow him full entry.

You grab onto his wrists and dig your nails in, he was so wide that your poor little cunt couldn’t adjust fast enough to meet his lulling thrusts. You could feel a sting of pain with each movement as his width increased, the pleasure was overpowering the sting and you didn’t want him to stop. It felt like an impossible task to get even just the rest of his head inside, but you wanted so desperately to be penetrated by him, so you focused on relaxing your muscles to grant him deeper access.

He was quickly losing control over his movements and felt your vaginal walls loosening up, he fought the urge to just aggressively push in deep to get past the last hurdle. He was high on the feeling of your insides, his mind felt light and dreamy, as if his brain was swimming. He kept pressing in further with each forward motion until all of his head was finally inside you, he pulled out further before each hungry thrust to coat himself in more of your dripping sweetness.

“I want the whole thing, give it to me Tommy, I need it” you pleaded.

Tommy needed to get hold of his mind that was beginning to slip away, he had a strong carnal desire to just plow into you but he instead forced himself to remain still. You look up at him wondering why he stopped moving, your vaginal walls still pulsating around his tip from the incredible sensations it brought. He gives you a crooked grin and gently pulls out of you, then stands up off the bed and hastily puts his pants over his erection.

“What! Why?” you asked furiously

He laughs, “That’s payback, my angel”

Tommy walks out of your room and leaves you there a dripping, horny mess; You chuckled to yourself and flopped onto your stomach and yelled into your pillow. You now wanted to get past this cheeky stage and just start fucking like rabbits but you knew he was going to continue this provocatory teasing. It was time to pull out all your tricks and make it so unbearable for him to resist that he will give up messing around and give into his temptations.

Tommy got back into his room in the basement, his mask back on his face where it belonged. He was still fully engorged and now feeling pain from the intense pressure, he needed a release badly, but he also wanted to start practicing control over his desires. He was worried, he felt so close to just letting go and fucking you silly, he wanted to be fully present and aware if your needs when you two finally, properly, lay together.

He flopped on his bed and sighed; he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up for. The next time, he may not be able to pull away so easily.

Special authors note: I wanted to stray from the norm of Thomas constantly being portrayed as having a breeding kink (it can be hot don't get me wrong) because I know there are a lot of women who don't want to read breeding/pregnancy kink for various valid reasons and its fairly hard to find AFAB x Tommy smut where he isn't depicted in such a way. If you were expecting that, I apologize for disappointing you but I try to cater to the people who don't often get catered to because inclusivity is important to me when making adult content. So from here on out, the rest of the chapters in this series will be for the gals who don't want to think of that stuff when reading smut. Thank you for taking the time to read my fic, likes, reblogs, and comments are extremely appreciated.

-Next chapter

#what ya writin #thomas hewitt #thomas hewitt x y/n #slasher community #thomas hewitt x afab reader #leatherface 2006 #texas chainsaw massacre #my art #the fruit after the flesh #slasher smut #slasher x reader #slasher thirst #slasher fandom #charlie hewitt #sheriff hoyt #hoyt

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lovelicht · 8 months

Text

PAC: Your current situation and advice

Disclaimer: As I am not a professional reader, all of the posts are to be taken with a grain of salt. This is a general reading so some things might not resonate. Regardless of the situation, please remember that tarot portrays only one of the multiple scenarios of your life and you choose whether to follow it or not.

(1->2, 3->4)

Group 1

Cards: The Chariot, The World Rx, Knight of Wands (bottom of the deck: King of Swords Rx)

Your current situation:

You are currently in the phase of your life where you are actively navigating through diverse situations in the pursuit of your goals. It can reflect itself both on a professional/academic level and a personal/interpersonal one, given that the effort you are putting in serves to your development. Considering the presence of the reversed King, it’s highly probable that you might find yourself losing the emotional balance in course of your trial, but you keep pushing forward nonetheless. The said misbalance could manifest itself as impulsivity, impatience, arguments with colleagues / friends / family when things do not go your way, as well as a lingering sense of frustration towards oneself at the slightest failures.

The advice:

Embrace your imperfections, for they are what makes you human and teach you to strive further. As I have previously mentioned, at the moment you might be very sensitive to failure, because you give your all on your way to attaining your wish, however this drains you both emotionally and energetically, holding you in the self-made prison of frustration. It is natural to misstep sometimes, because it shows us aspects of ourselves that we still have to work on, and once we finally do so, we will become closer to our goals and inner peace in general. Make a habit of being grateful and happy even from apparently small successes, as, in the end, it’s the small steps that make the journey.

What can you do to follow the advice?

Give yourself the freedom you deserve! The expectations you have put on yourself tie you down and do not allow you to fully embrace the experience of living your passions. Wands are a suit that speaks of life and the fire inside each one of us, let that fire guide you through the dark of your mind. For example, if you have an idea you really wish to try, whether hobby or simply an experiment at work, do it, because even if it doesn’t work out, by the end of it you will be able to learn what should be done next time so it becomes better! Do not fear other’s judgment either, for they make mistakes too, whether they choose to show it or not. You are your own person and you live your own life, do not let yourself be confined by your fears and other’s thoughts!

Group 2

Cards: Page of Wands Rx, The Tower Rx, Five of Coins Rx (bottom of he deck: Strength)

Your current situation:

You are trying to embrace your youthfulness, embody the present you always wished to have, but for some reason it all seems to go downhill regardless of how much you try. For some it might be a blockage related to not being capable to let yourself remorselessly behave free, while for others it can be described through a series of unpleasant or even unfortunate events that seem to haunt them every time they try to step out of the box. It’s highly probable that in this group are a lot of children who had to grow up fast, and now that you are given the freedom of age, you are trying to become the wild icon your child self wished to become, but it simply doesn’t work out. An example could be the typically introverted young adult going to a club, and once they finally try to let go of their fears they meet someone there, get into a relationship with that person and they get hurt so badly that it makes the young adult retreat back into their shell.

The advice:

There is some stuff you have to let go of, in order to truly feel the freedom you blindly seek through the said activities. Many of you struggle with unresolved trauma, whether it’s about bullying, parental issues or other sorts of painful experiences. By trying to be the conventional active youth, you are showing your resilience in rapport to your past, but the problem is that some problems bind you, unless you learn to diminish their impact on your life. It is never easy, but a wound cured now, stops a dormant infection in the future, that could potentially affect both yourself and everyone you will grow to care about.

What can you do to follow the advice?

Accept that nobody will come in your life and heal your past, for little who have enough energy to take care both of others and oneself. You are being encouraged to face your trauma on your own and come into terms with it one way or another: whether it’s shadow work that you feel you can do on your own or asking for the help of a specialist, or in general someone you feel that can help you.

This message might not be for everyone, but stop hoping that your parents will heal the pain they inflicted on you, for they are simply not in the headspace to do that. It’s frustrating, but such is the truth: you ought to take matters into your own hands, because they won’t do it for you, nor for themselves.

Group 3

Cards: Nine of Coins, Three of Cups Rx, The Star (bottom of the deck: Four of Wands)

Your current situation:

At the moment, you are in the stage of reaping the rewards of your hard work in the past. Previously you might have put yourself out there a lot in order to achieve certain goals and now you embrace the results and it’s all coming abundantly. Good things come to you almost from every corner, and you might even feel somewhat overwhelmed by how fast everything comes into your life at the moment, whether it’s opportunities, money or other form of creative energy. Those being said though, you might also feel the need to take a break after all the efforts you put in previously, to make some time for yourself and adjust yourself to receiving the abundant energy that is coming your way.

The advice:

Celebrate your successes and let yourself feel the blessings of your hard work. It is finally the time to rejoice after a long period of trials and tribulations. Even though you might still have certain unresolved issues, fear not, everything has its time, and now is the time you show yourself the appreciation you deserve for building a strong foundation for your future development. Just make sure not to go overboard and overindulge in pride and joys, as even the best of medicine becomes poison if ingested in doses too great.

What can you do to follow the advice?

As I have mentioned earlier, you might find your mind still worrying about certain issues, even once abundance started flowing into your life. You are being advised to leave some things in the hands of destiny and embrace an overall positive manifestation stance. Be hopeful and trust the universe to do its works for you have already done a great deal. Do not get me wrong, life consists of one’s continuous development, but some things are better left to the flow, for they are variables we cannot and needn't currently solve, especially when they still haven’t come into our lives.

Group 4

Cards: Six of Cups Rx, Justice Rx, Knight of Swords Rx (bottom of the deck: Eight of Wands) + 8

Your current situation

Before conducting the reading I was repeatedly counting to 8 without any reason at all so I presume this number might either have a personal meaning to you or it could apply to your current life period in general. Eight is overall a number I associate with karma and karmic events that happen both in our and other’s lives, regardless of what we subjectively might think is right or wrong. It could be that you are currently undergoing a series of events you find unfair in relationship to you or someone close to you, to the point you suffer from it personally, via frustration, anger, perhaps with a hint of self victimisation in relationship to the unjust treatment you/they receive from life. Your perception of life might be still rather immature due to your past, perhaps you have been suffering from bad treatment since early childhood, thus you feel like you deserve better than that in the present. Overall you are a fiery and reactive person, to the point where you might show your displeasure in regards to events or actions you deem wrong a little too violently.

The advice:

Some things are better left up to the karmic forces to influence. Doing your own justice isn’t applicable in every situation, especially when it comes to a subjective, misbalanced, red coloured lens that one might own as a traumatic response. Revenge and general state of clouded lucidity does nothing more than suck your energy and hurt more or less directly both you and the ones you might care about. Universe has it’s own mysterious ways of functioning, which transcend both time and lifetimes in general.

What can you do to follow the advice?

Pay less attention to your past and the people in it, and move actively towards your future instead. You are brave and capable, use your intellect and rebellious nature to break the chains that attach you to your past instead. Try cultivating a more healthy action-oriented view of life to balance your impulsiveness and to harness your inner energy that is currently focused on anger. You have a lot of work to do on yourself, and it requires all the energy and courage you can muster!

#pick a card #tarot #pac #pick a pile #tarot reading #tarot pac #tarot pap #tarot readings #pick a card reading #tarot reader

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gabessquishytum · 6 months

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Morpheus is a demisexual incubus. In other words, being him sucks. He doesn't want to have intercourse with any strangers, thank you very much. He's been feeling like a failure for a long time because what's his worth if he cannot perform his function? And he just can't have one-night stands, it feels very wrong to him. Eventually, after centuries of starvation, he finds a solution: he simply creates dreams of a sexual nature for sleeping minds instead of actually having sex. This is much better. Now, he'd really love to find a loving partner...The problem is, the creatures/gods/humans he tries to date all have a very wrong idea of him. Well, they have the right idea of most of his species - incubuses are beings whose existence is defined by sex - but Morpheus looks for emotional connection and a deeper bond…that's why he gets dumped every time he refuses to give it on the first date. Hob Gadling is a sexaholic. He homewrecked a marriage (or two...or three...or four. he didn't count, alright?), left a string of broken hearts in the aftermath of whirlwind nights, and simply ruined lots of chances for a happy, fulfilling relationship. He's been in therapy for some time now to manage his addiction, and he believes he's ready to give a committed relationship a try. He really strives to maintain sexual sobriety this time and be a better partner. When Hob sees a gorgeous dark-haired stranger with electric blue eyes in a cafe, it's love - and lust - at first sight. The man is beautiful, and, oh, what Hob wouldn't give to bend him over in the gents...But hey, he knows it leads nowhere, so he shakes off the reverie and approaches the stranger, trying to keep himself at bay. And to think of serious intentions. Morpheus is very guarded at first: being an incubus, he can see dreams, nightmares, and daydreams of a sexual nature, and he's ready to bolt together with his cappuccino and pain au chocolat the very moment he catches a whiff of Hob's fantasies about him. However, Hob does his best to conceal his struggle, and Morpheus...stays. They talk a bit, and then a lot, and even have a walk in the park. Hob is smart, funny, and very charming. Morpheus immensely enjoys their spontaneous date. When it comes to the end, Hob doesn't invite Morpheus to his place, but he makes it clear that he'd like to see him again. Morpheus is secretly delighted: he's seen a whole Kama Sutra featuring himself in Hob's mind during their date, but Hob is being so sweet and considerate! Perhaps it means something. He agrees to meet again but tries not to get his hopes high. After all, it's just a second date, and his natural allure of incubus is almost impossible to resist even for a person without sex addiction. How many dates will it take for Hob to get into Morpheus' pants? And will he be able not to break his heart and stay faithful? Who knows...

This is SUCH a good au. Good on Hob for going to therapy, I’m proud of him. And good on Morpheus for giving him a chance, despite all the HD dirty thoughts that are projecting out of his brain!

The thing about Hob is, everybody might as well be an incubus, as far as he’s concerned. Every adult person that he meets is a threat to his sobriety. He has those kinds of thoughts on a near constant basis, as Morpheus begins to realise when they spend more time together. And for Morpheus this is actually a huge bonus. Knowing that Hob sees him just as he sees the rest of the world is actually quite soothing. Hob doesn’t want to fuck him because he’s an incubus - he might as well be immune to Morpheus’s sex magic, because he’s constantly at full capacity already! He genuinely likes Morpheus for his personality as well as wanting to get freaky with him.

Plus Hob is one of the more understanding people that Morpheus has spoken to about his demisexualness. Hob has experienced an extremely heightened sense of sexual attraction for much of his life, and it’s always felt out of his control. So he understands what it is to have a different relationship with sex. He’d never want Morpheus to force himself into sex. Although he is somewhat concerned that his friend (date? friend who he is dating?) may not be feeding as much as he should be.

Ultimately they both want the same thing: an emotional bond, a closer connection. Hob is deeply afraid of fucking it up but he really really likes Morpheus, could maybe ever love him? At least he feels like love actually does exist when Morpheus is around. For half a minute he can stop thinking about sex and just think about Morpheus’s pretty blue eyes and his tiny little smile… he’s stopped counting how many dates they’ve been on without fucking. And Morpheus? Well, he’s starting to feel like sex with Hob would actually be rather nice.

Maybe there’s a place for them to meet in the middle. It doesn’t have to be everything or nothing. At the very least, Morpheus is positive that Hob will taste like the most intoxicating of drugs. And he’s starving for it.

#the sandman #dreamling #nsft #CW sex addiction #cw monsterfucking

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moonspirit · 1 month

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Hello Moon,

Ok, my curiosity is peaked,

Can we hear about this Papa Levi and Armin headcanon you have cause the more one thinks it over, the more adorable it seems?

I mean we already know that Levi is a gruff but secretly warm Papa bear with his Paradis boys, and with Armin being the timid baby of the group, the possibilities for wholesomeness are immeasurable.

I think we all would love to hear what you have to say on this.

#thehelloanon

Hello!

(Edit: oh god this is very long T^T)

The reason thinking of Levi as the father figure for the Paradis boys makes me so happy is because I think he does continue to see them as his children even long after the Rumbling. I mean, watching them get recruited into the military as very young children, and then being part of the group of adults that guided them into having the right skills, mindsets and motivation, it's hard for me to imagine that Levi does not subconsciously begin to bother about them at every bend and corner. While we've already seen how much he cares for them through the seasons of the show, I also like to spend time thinking about his Papa tendencies post-rumbling, when the Paradis boys are more or less proper adults.

So this is maybe him inviting them to stay at his place when they're visiting, honestly get quite fed up of them in less than 2 hours, but instead of kicking them out (he says he will but pffft), he covers their scraggly sleeping forms with blankets instead. He gives them pep talks before their public appearances, very practically telling them to "give no fucks ever" to the annoying press and their questions. He gets pissed when he finds they haven't been eating properly and goes on a long rant about how weak and stupid they are all the while peeling a dozen potatoes and cooking an elaborate lunch. He comments on their new hairstyles. He tells them off when their suits look wrinkled. He forces the boys look sharp and neat. He tells them they should hold their heads high and be confident and brave.

With Armin, I DO think Levi has a special soft-spot, both in canon and as a headcanon. It's very endearing to imagine he quite liked Armin right from the start. A polite kid, very smart, diligent, responsible, level-headed. I can't see him doing anything to tick Levi off (other than being Eren's friend lmao). Armin also possesses a sincerity and pureness of intent (i.e. his dreams are very simple and joyous, not necessarily hurting anybody directly) which I like to imagine reminded Levi a lot about the very motto of the Scouts and what they were striving so hard to achieve. I don't think Levi would've treated him any different from the others though. Anyway. Good boy with a good heart and poor taste in friends (one raging idiot and one gloomy brat).

Coming back to canon, see, I think that as much as Levi made his choice in Shiganshina about who to give the serum to, that while he doesn't regret it, he also feels responsible for burdening Armin with the implications of being brought back to life. Levi might've been very aware of Armin's physical shortcomings, but without a doubt he acknowledged his intelligence and strategic talent. This is *one of the reasons*, I believe, that Levi thinks it's fine to let Erwin rest and bring his suffering to an end, because as inexperienced and young as Armin is, he has the potential to reach great heights, in due time.

Anyway, Levi's choice burdens Armin to very great extents, forcing him into situations where he struggles with feelings of being inadequate, insufficient, and overall useless. I don't think Levi was blind to any of this, just that he might not have engaged in your typical "sit-your-kid-down-buy-him-a-snack-and-talk-feelings" type of thing. However I can see him as giving Armin tiny pointers to bring him out of his mental turmoil, even if only for brief moments. So maybe that's telling him "Oi. No time to spiral, focus." or "Your friends are depending on you, get out there." stuff, you know?

Post-canon, you have Armin trying to battle greater things, such as the grief over Eren's death, his contribution in the Rumbling, his personal guilt, his overwhelming insecurity and so on and so forth. Do you think Levi would be watching all this and not think of his own personal responsibility in pushing this young boy with innocent dreams into this disastrous role of power, tasked with leading the world? I think not. I think Levi would feel more responsible for it than ever before, and coupled with his existing soft-spot for Armin, would quite naturally slip into a parental role. Perhaps they have long conversations. Perhaps Levi always makes sure Armin's got pressed clothes and new socks. Perhaps Levi reminds him now and then to take the tie off and go have fun. All in his deadpan delivery of course, but still.

A Papa to his Son all the same.

#ask #thehelloanon #armin arlert #headcanon #levi ackerman #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #arminarlert #aot levi

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chayannesegg · 8 months

Text

something else about fit and tubbo’s relationship: it’s very special to me and they do love each other very much, but i do think this current tension was almost bound to happen not matter what. even without the tubbo homophobia. yes, tubbo self-sabotaged and made the situation current happen. yes, fit is valid to be upset at tubbo. but the unequal footing tubbo was reacting to is VERY real and something they BOTH built and something I think ONLY tubbo is fully aware of.

while i don’t think fit and tubbo’s relationship is paternal at all, i do think it is heavily informed by the age difference. when they meet, tubbo is young, inexperienced, and reminds fit of his son. in contrast, fit is a stable older presence who knows the island secrets. their early dynamic is a bit like a mentorship: fit checks in on tubbo, tubbo asks about the island, fit decides what to tell tubbo, tubbo sees how someone with experience handles the island.

losing the eggs only strengthens this pattern. tubbo is a mess and relies a lot on fit (and pac) to help get him through. fit is hurting too, but obviously he is not going to share all his fears with a teenager having a breakdown (that’s not how he operates, not when he can channel his emotions into something productive instead like checking on tubbo, pac, and the island). tubbo meanwhile strives to have walls as strong as fit's, but even if he won’t talk about it directly, his emotions bleed through a lot of the time anyway. so fit continues to check in on tubbo, and tubbo continues to let fit in and they grow closer because of it. we have lots of sweet moments in their friendship of tubbo letting fit see his vulnerabilities (about the eggs, with fred, about his day to day concerns) but we don’t see a lot of fit sharing his vulnerabilities. early on, fit makes it very clear to tubbo that tubbo has not earned the right to his secrets, and what he knows about the island, and what he does. fit visits tubbo and then leaves to go on secret jobs tubbo knows nothing about and can’t follow him to. tubbo doesn’t know anything about fit’s memories, or his resistance work, or his purpose. this was an initial source of tension between them, and while tubbo eventually decided to trust fit anyway, to this day, tubbo must be aware that he still hasn’t earned fit's full trust. and that fit, for all he knows tubbo’s problems, hasn’t shared many in return. the only exceptions to this that I can think of are 1) fit’s feelings for pac, which tubbo is privy to and while he teases fit, he is supportive of (which tubbo lost access to—at least in his head—when fitpac started dating, hence the acting out) and 2) fit coming to tubbo about the cats (which tubbo does NOT recognise as a moment of intimacy, that baffoon just laughs it off). i’m not blaming fit for this, as much as he loves tubbo, tubbo is an emotionally unstable teenager (turned young adult) whose bad at both secret-keeping and tact (and fit holds some very sensitive very dangerous secrets), but it definitely creates a lopsidedness in their friendship.

especially because tubbo DOES respect this boundary of fit’s. while sometimes he pesters him for access to the office or insider info, he doesn’t seek fit’s personal business out behind his back really. meanwhile, the few times that tubbo has tried to keep something from them (kinda attempting to mirror fit’s own walls imo), fit and pac have gone behind his back to find out what it is. for example, them going to quackity’s house to investigate fred’s kidnapping without telling him, or them going and reading tubbo’s investigation room about the fed worker killings. now, i get why pac and fit—nosy and concerned as they are—do this, but it’s not great communication and it’s not a great show of trust.

all of this results in fit having a LOT of insight and access into tubbo’s life and insecurities and tubbo having comparatively little in return. and fit deciding how and when he interacts with tubbo and tubbo relying on fit to engage (lest he interrupt something secretive). they have all this restrictions and intricacies for how they interact and both of them have fed into this dynamic—it’s familiar and easy for both of them (fit isn't risking his secrets by trusting tubbo more, tubbo isn't risking rejection by asking for more)—even though their friendship has progressed and needs more balance. it worked ok for them for awhile bc they do both care for each other a lot, but it was NEVER going to be sustainable. any shift in dynamic that lengthened the distance between them would have unsteadied it.

but while tubbo is acutely aware of this tension and sensitive to it changing (and lashing out in response), fit has never really had to think about it. given the way they’ve interacted, fit’s own feelings have always been a bit separate from their friendship. it’s only now that tubbo's emotions/actions have hurt fit that fit wants his feelings acknowledged. he wants a more even dynamic, but he doesn’t realize that their friendship doesn’t feel like a “two-way street” because it never has been, almost by design.

i don’t think tubbo has the experience or insight into fit’s emotions to realize what fit needs organically. i don't think fit can understand how his relationship with pac isolated tubbo even if he wants it to stay the same. i don’t think fit recognises the ways tubbo continues to show his trust in fit (like still inviting fit to follow him on the fred date or not investigating his secrets). i don't think tubbo understands why fit is upset with him (just that he is) or confidence to ask.

i don’t think either of them are going to properly explain their concerns to each other, if they have the words to properly explain it. all of this makes me think we’re only in for more fit & tubbo miscommunication in the coming weeks, but i DO think we still have hope. because these fools do love each other and pac (who I didn’t talk about much at all) & ramon & sunny (tho she’s also hurting) aren’t just gonna stand idly by while they continue to hurt each other.

#qsmp #qsmp fit #qsmp tubbo #listen i just think so much about them #have you considered that tubbo has let fit witness every aspect of his relationship with fred #have you considered that level of trust #this doesn't even get into how morning crew is changing as more people join that time slot #and how the fitpac date comes right at the time everything starts to change and tubbo is reacting to that as well #anyway WRITE THAT BIRTHDAY LETTER TUBBO!!#make it good!!!

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mxtxfanatic · 5 months

Note

... Warning, rant in coming. Sorry.

Hot take, the only morally gray character in mess, that fits the exact definition of it, is Nie Huaisang.

I've seen more and more people trying to tone down Jiang Cheng's terribleness by saying that he's morally gray. I'very also seen those same people say that Wei Wuxian is morally gray because he did terrible things for good (and, no, lmao, he didn't. Most of those come from people not understanding how his cultivation works.) and that that was why he is so interesting. (Again, lmao. Lol even. Just say you don't appreciate depths and confuse "kind" with "boring", so you gotta give every character that you don't find boring a label to justify why you like them.)

I think the term "morally gray" has become a buzz word thrown around for any kind of character that isn't one dimensionally good or evil.

Jiang Cheng isn't morally gray. He is a bad person. Again, a PERSON. Not a monster, not some sort of creatures that has no concept of humanity, just. A bad person.

Society's habit of separating people that do bad things from themselves, that "us vs them" mantality, that dehumanization of bad people, it just leave a bad taste in my mouth. Even fucking serial killers have qualities, can be smart or charismatic or empathetic. Even pedophiles have hobbies and people that love them. Even rapists have people that they love and respect.

Being a terrible person doesn't mean that they're not human. There is no one in the world that has absolutely no redeeming qualities to them. But because of that separation that so many people take for the truth, because of that "they did this because they're a monster, but I'm not so I would never do this", people just cannot accept when a bad person isn't bad all the time.

They'll look at Jiang Cheng that, ultimately, loves his family and is arguably hard working, and they'll think that that means he's "morally gray", because he possesses good qualities, completely ignoring the fact that he's just a trash human being in general.

Low key, it pisses me off. Especially the people that relate so hard to him, and ask me if I wouldn't do the same in his shoes. Because no. I fucking wouldn't cause genocide. I wouldn't torture and kill complete strangers because they dared to have a surname I don't like or because they make me think of someone I resent from my past.

Like, I took can see myself in him, totally. He IS well written, and between the cartoonishly bad Xue Yang and the paragons of moral virtue that is Wangxian, he's definitely the one that feels closest to an everyday man, in personality if you ignore all the murders. I am petty, I hold grudges, I can be entitled and selfish, I am overall a massive rude cunt, but I do not want to hurt people and everyday I strive to be better than the last, even in infinitesimal ways. As should anyone. But that is something that Jiang Cheng doesn't even acknowledge, stuck as he is in his victim mentality and inferiority complex.

But Jiang Cheng is morally bankrupt. He is not morally gray. Not even dark gray. As an adult, he is painstakingly human and in general, a bad person.

And that is OK.

To make him a better person, you don't have to change his entire character with half assed head canons, just make him acknowledge his flaws and let him (finally) grow as a person, past that stubborn mentality he has had for decades.

He IS a bad person, but even bad people have a capacity for growth and change, of the moment they allow themselves to. If he ever gets forgiven for his past actions, that's on the people he has hurt, not that it should even be considered in his journey towards growth.

(Frankly, I don't think he would be. I think he shouldn't be, but that's not for me to decide. However, I can definitely JC finally making some tiny progresses but for all the wrong reasons, and get insulted when, if he ever even get to that point, his apologies don't end up fixing everything. He is totally the kind of person that would see you being mad at them and feel like he's the one being victimized because you didn't accept his half assed apologies. The emotional maturity on this man is below -100.)

(Also, Wei Wuxian isn't morally gray in the total opposite, in that he is such a good person, be it morally or emotionally, just. God, I envy his mental fortitude and his capacity for forgiveness and love.)

Sorry again for the ask, just had to rant somewhere about this and I am kind of curious about how you consider the "morally gray" argument. I think it's total bullshit, if the entire post didn't tell you, but yeah, I'm curious.

I hope I was coherent enough, I did not plan this ask at all, it was all streams of consciousness.

So before I get to the actual material of your rant—of which I agree with—I want to go on a tangent. Bad people as a category are not “dehumanized.” Dehumanization is the act of stripping someone or a group of people of their humanity as a tool of oppression, and it must come with material consequences. Saying that a continent of people are only capable of non-human animal intelligence to justify centuries of enslavement is dehumanization. Saying that a country of people are born terrorists to justify flattening their homeland and claiming it by a different name is dehumanization. Claiming that the man who called you out on your desires to be the new oppressors is a literal demon wanting to destroy your heritage in order to justify leading an army to kill him and his charges while attempting to remove their ability to reincarnate is dehumanization. Calling a child abuser a monster is not dehumanization. It is just an insult.

In fact, the “human traits” of terrible human beings do not need to be defended, because more often than not the absolute worst human beings are materially protected from the consequences of their actions by people who want to defend their “humanity.” In mdzs, I don’t give two fucks about Jiang Cheng’s one “human” trait of loving his nephew, because his “inhumane” traits of abusing said nephew and everyone else in his life intentionally overshadow that by his own design. Jiang Yanli loved her son just as much and lost much more than Jiang Cheng ever did, but she didn’t become an unrepentant monster. Humans are not “monsters-in-waiting” whereby we must act as if every individual is always one step away from committing unspeakable acts of depravity. If that was the case, we would not have survived as a community-dependent social species. Therefore, I do not find Jiang Cheng as the most relatable character ever because I do not find the way that he gives into anti-human behaviors to be relatable to me on a personal level or to be representative of most people’s actions throughout the course of their lives. To feel pain is human, and to have outbursts about it is understandable. To abuse about it? To murder about it? To mass murder about it??? Absolutely anti-human, anti-community, and the type of behavior that can only survive and thrive in an environment that privileges people with those specific “inhumane” traits above everyone else. (One might even call it the environment of a corrupt hierarchy of power that mdzs critiques.) The exact opposite of dehumanization. So if I choose to call Jiang Cheng a monster, it is to intentionally point out the ways that his conscious actions as a character in this story are a negation of human life and community.

On that note, I’ve discussed how this fandom uses “morally gray” in this ask (excuse the fact that I switch between “grey” and “gray” lmao). To bring back a point from my rant from above, Jiang Cheng has his one (1) good trait leveraged by fandom to whitewash his crimes under the guise of “morally gray,” while Wei Wuxian is the one actually being dehumanized by that same label as people use it to justify his literal murder (and those of the Wen remnants) in the story, so that’s my feelings on that. Whether Jiang Cheng can be redeemed or not, I frankly do not care to speculate because the story concludes his character arc at him regressing back into Jiang “hunter of Wen” Cheng, still rich, still single, and still only loved by his nephew. At the end of the day, he is not a real person and I’m only here for wangxian.

#mdzs asks #anon #sorry anon #it was supposed to be a short tangent #it is not in fact short #no offense to you I’ve just found myself increasingly unsatisfied with how ‘dehumanization’ has been stripped of its actual meaning #in the recent months #it’s meant to be understood as a tool that oppresses people #and none of the groups or characters you’ve listed are oppressed *because* of those traits #none of the characters listed are oppressed *at all*

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allwormdiet · 14 days

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Shell 4.4

Managed to read the rest of Arc 4 at work, I'm gonna focus on getting the rest of my thoughts out

Our first mention of Aisha I believe, and boy Brian's story is a rough one to hear, poor kid.

His protectiveness of her is gonna define a lot of his character, I suspect. He literally got his powers beating the shit out of the man who terrorized and abused her.

I feel like that's close enough to being abusive that you can just call it abusive, or maybe Brian needs to make his dad feel like the lesser of two evils to make it make sense for himself.

I mentioned this offhandedly as I was reading on Discord, I think Brian is fibbing here

So far we've known him as a character who strives for responsibility and authority, who's making a point to be the Responsible Leader even as Lisa is making a lot of calls for the gang and the enigmatic boss is doing whatever the fuck. He projects an air of not-to-be-fucked with, and "projects" is a key word there; we've caught glimpses of him acting less like and adult than he desperately wants to be.

The fact that he's insisting that he was a Stoic Man as he beat the shit out of a man who was fucking with his kid sister makes me believe very firmly that he's ashamed of whatever emotions overtook him in that moment, or even in general.

Given the aspects of his power, I think underneath all the macho attitude is a young, terrified, vulnerable kid who hides himself and his loved ones where they can't be found, because you can't hurt what you can't find and you can't defend against an unseen attacker. I don't love questioning him, but I'm already questioning Victoria's story so.

So here we see how the boss got his hooks in. A few years of service in exchange for the ability to truly protect his sister. It's definitely not something he'll be jerked around on at any point.

The conversation about the spider-silk costumes is pretty great honestly. I like that Taylor's trying to figure out the fine line between "should I let these villains have in on my incredible stash of resources" and "how much of a pain in the as will it be to have that many spiders working"

I think Alec is trying to get the "dork" thing to stick and it's not working, but bless him for making the effort

This is a sweet moment for Brian and Taylor in the meantime, though.

Ruh roh raggy

Current Thoughts

I like Brian, even if I'm pretty sure he's lying about some details in his trigger event and even if he's trying really hard to be a boring person. The text of the narrative means I can always perceive you, buddy

Anyway, Jesus, there goes the good mood from the last three chapters, let's get this over with

#parahumans #worm liveblogging #liveblog #worm shell #wormblr

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nataliescatorccioapologist · 9 months

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Thinking about what each Yellowjackets survivor did with the settlement money from the crash (bc we all know they most likely got lawsuit money) and how it relates to how each character copes with trauma.

Shauna- Uses the money to buy Jeff his furniture store. Shauna is coping through denial. She thinks that if she fills her life with stable things (a working husband, a child, a house, a business) that she will become stable too. She’s trying to live a boring apple pie life in an attempt to deny her desire for the adrenaline and danger that living in the Wilderness gave her. You can see this in her demeanor, too. Shauna acts very sweet, innocent, and harmless, but in a actuality she’s hiding a darker, more unhinged side of herself.

Tai- Uses the money to fund her college education/political pursuits. Tai copes through drive and determination. She works and works and works so that she doesn’t have time to think. Taissa is acting out the life that she wanted before the crash. She keeps striving for success and accomplishment hoping that these things will make her happy, but as she says to Shauna, “none of those things felt real” to her.

Lottie - Uses the money to start her wellness center (cult). Lottie is coping through her spirituality, as she did in the Wilderness. She leans on the idea of forces outside of herself having a plan for her and those around her so that she can relinquish control. This allows Lottie to have faith that things will get better and that everything is happening for a reason even as she is going through intense trauma. Lottie feels at peace when she is using this faith to help others, which is why she starts her wellness center. And even though she at first attempted to focus her spirituality on holistic means rather than the supernatural, the Wilderness eventually creeped back in.

Van - Van uses the money to open up her VHS store. This shows that Van copes through living in the past. She shells out her own little corner where she can surround herself with things that made her happy before the crash and hide from the rest of the world. Similar to Tai, she’s trying to be who she was before the crash. Van surrounds herself with 90s memorabilia and all of the movies and music that she used to love so she doesn’t have to acknowledge that she’s not that person anymore.

Nat - Nat uses the money for drugs, traveling, and material possessions like cars and clothing. Nat is trying to fill a void within herself. She’s focused on what will make her feel okay in the present moment. Getting high or buying a fancy car or designer handbag that she could never afford in her childhood numbs the guilt and trauma for a moment, and when this numbness wears off, she seeks it out again and again because she doesn’t have a long-term solution. She lives as a transient using the money to move from motel to motel trying to escape herself and avoid creating any attachments because she feels that she destroys everyone she comes into contact with. Basically, Nat is focused solely on on what will get her through each day, as she had to do in the Wilderness and even before the crash living in an abusive home.

Travis - Similar to Natalie, Travis uses the money on drugs and isolation. Not much is known about adult Travis unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you feel about him), but we do know that he had a drug problem like Nat and fled to New Hampshire to try to hide away from everything. He isolated himself completely in an attempt to block out the world and reminders of what he did in the Wilderness.

Misty - Uses the money to fund her education and career in the nursing field. Misty is coping by making people need her, as she did with Ben and all of the Yellowjackets in the Wilderness. She craves being depended and relied on because this is the only way she has ever received acceptance from others. She becomes a nurse for the elderly because she knows this demographic will depend on her more than any other. Using her medical knowledge to help those in need made her feel loved in the Wilderness, and she is still chasing that feeling.

Anyways can you tell I think about these characters way too much?

#yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio #van palmer #misty quigley #nat scatorccio #taissa turner #yj #travis martinez #jackie taylor #tai turner #vanessa palmer #shauna shipman #lottie matthews #lottie yellowjackets #Yellowjackets survivors

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sunnysideaeggs · 2 months

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hi friends, welcome back to another episode of me complaining about the dragon show. this is a long post for a long episode, spoilers for s2e6 of hotd, and spoilers for fire and blood, since i will be discussing a bit of my theories about the ending. enjoy!

the lannisters as always serving. i love the armor, the red, the details, targaryens wish they had that drip.

lions? fighting? yes lord jason show us the budget

also i think it’s cute that lord lefford and his men have a little golden dandelion pin. i think the different ways westerosi people embrace their sigils is cute

why is the golden tooth’s lord so surprised to see lord jason being a show off? sir that’s your liege lord you must know how he is 😵‍💫

‘he dares summon me 🤬🤬🤬’ bitch you’re regent because you have fightfing ability. use it. i hate aemond ugh

‘i’m prince regent not a dog’ ✨ stop acting like a bitch then ✨

everyone in the council wishing aegon comes back home lol

larys’ hair looks unmatched today

alicent and dalton? 💀 this would be a great moment to remind the audience of how dalton is a rapist, a tyrant, a heathen and a criminal, and anyone that allies themselves with him is icky. but oh wait isn’t he a black ally?

i will not tolerate any more tyland slander. he’s my little finance bro and he must be respected

now this is a question. what position does alicent fill exactly? she’s not queen anymore and being queen mother of an adult king doesn’t grant her any more saying than anybody else

i would be more inclined to empathize with alicent’s loss of power if she had spent any morsel of her power actually saying or doing something. i don’t care about the loss of a ‘leveling voice’ in the council when she didn’t have any thoughts this season but ‘war bad, aegon bad, viserys good, peace good’

she’s in her FOMO era though. she wishes this was aegon instead. she should’ve employed this maternal energy in him. it would’ve served her better.

now this is another consequence of alicent’s character being so butchered it became a 50’s caricature of what a woman is. book alicent was such a powerhouse that no one would dare question her presence in the council. and she was evil af. that’s the alicent we deserved

i can’t stop thinking that the hand pin rhaenyra gave corlys is the same pin she stole from otto lmao

i fail to see how rhaenyra admitting she’s being held back by her council gives her power. they’re admitting she’s a puppet ruler. ew

rhae mentioning that the knight has noble blood first of all 😭 smallfolk don’t count. it’s unthinkable they would have the ability. she said no real person involved fr

‘the dragons are gods’ i thought we were well past that

if anything i watch every episode to see daemon being haunted for all his sins. truly what he deserves

(throwback to s1) also i find it interesting how in the show viserys cut himself with the throne when he sent away daemon, when the moment he cuts himself in the book is when he condemns vaemond and the silent five unfairly. the show trying to make his mistake be standing up to his entitled family instead of enabling his entitled family 💀

simon must be so done with daemon 😭

i wonder if caraxes has been having weird dreams too

daemon packing his shit and sleeping outside harrenhal in a tent jsjjsjsjs

alys like: ‘where my goodbye hug at? 🧐’

‘perhaps those who strive for (the crown) are the least suited to wear it’ preach.

but rhaenyra does strive for it, she can’t be five minutes reminding people of her crown duh. the only one who recognized the duty of the crown and the burden and duty it takes is egg and that is why i love him

i can’t with the fucking viserys glazing smh

alys my love why would you say ‘centuries’ when it comes to the tullys? they’ve been around for a century and a third, not more. i love the tullys but they haven’t been liege lords for centuries

once again condal proving he didn’t read the books

now if ser whatshisname dies trying to claim a dragon i will say he died a dragonrider’s death, therefore he was successful or whatever

poor steffon :( it’s cruel to give a knight a ceremony for his death and seasmoke was cruel to lure him just to burn him

why did they leave him there instead of idk throwing water? try to save him? smh

he died a dragonrider’s death tho

actually the dragonkeeper choosing to slice his throat instead of succumbing to his burns tells us throusands about what an actual honorable valyrian death is like. and it doesn’t have anything to do with burning

now i would like some more insight on the resentment it causes to know you have a noble father and he leaves you to your devices. imagine your dad being your boss but you can’t say anything :(

i still think it was so stupid of dyana to not run away from the city when she had the chance and the money. i know they kept it for slander purposes but still

since when do the peasants are choosers? they’re eating rats and bowls of brown, why are you complaining about fish?

aemond’s lover is a traaaaaiittoor lol

tell but not show. we haven’t seen any food or feast since the dinner back in s1. got did way better with the food

also giving the blacks’ storyline of feasting while the people starve to the greens has not gone unnoticed.

bitch what? rhaenyra is slapping lords? she’s fucking joffrey. this is beyond disgusting and disrespectful. fuck her i hate her so much and every episode gives me more reason to hate her even more

‘fear me 👹👹👹’ i will cheer when she dies chained

also she just hits her allies and speaks some bs, doesn’t explain herself, doesn’t create more plans, just fucks around and fucks off. ew

i know mysaria is a lickspittle because no one else would say rhaenyra ‘raised in feasts and lazyness’ targaryen becomes being with a sword lol

aemond speaks the truth but fails to endorse it. it is in the crown’s best interest to make sure the smallfolk curse the blacks all the more, instead of leaving them to think whatever. when there’s a siege you hate the one keeping the siege not the ones suffering with you

aemond is so easily blindsided (pun intended). he is so quick to shut down the flatterers in the council but doesn’t realize he’s fucking the worse traitor of them all lol

yay egg is awake! (of course orwyle will prioritize 👑 the king 👑 instead of dealing with a simple prince duh)

my baby is in pain :(

aemond targaryen i will see you in the seven hells if i don’t sent you there myself. keep your hands away from him you leech. i’m on daemon’s side for this one

why would the maesters leave him alone? he’s the king king, he can command them to not leave the room and aemond can’t overrule him

rhaena being sidelined and forced into a storyline that isn’t hers (diminishing her importance and the last dragonrider until daenerys) will not be forgotten.

we get to see daemnyra’s kids’ dragons but not helaegon’s kids’ dragons? a crime.

i would like to remind everybody that grrm himself said dragons are not nomads and they don’t go flying around just because. condal once again

rhae rhae showing she’s vizzy’s daughter because she threatens to cut tongues when she gets mad at the truth and can’t even give a reasonable explanation for why. at least joffrey cut tongues when people were singing slander and not just trying to be useful

fucking tyrant.

while rhaenyra cries about not being respected as a ruler jace actually makes plans to win the war. she’s not respected because she’s fucking useless not because she’s a woman.

ah yes, apples grown in the gardens of dragonstone. as if the reach isn’t team green. lmao

also it’s so funny that no one ever through about buying more food exported from the reach (coast clear and no need for sea routes). the writing is so stupid bruh

all he ever wanted was to hear someone was sorry about what happened to him :(i’m sorry egg, your mom is sorry)

now some sunnydumping: back in 2021 i got covid, i probably catched it from my mom. i was bedridden and with awful fever and pain, my mom did stay by my side and constantly apologized for me being sick. of course it wasn’t her fault but she still felt bad. alicent apologizing to her burned son speaks to me so much

alicent was around 14 when her mom died, gwayne is older than that and was in tourneys during the first ep. did the writers forgot? why would they say ‘oh you were 8 when mom died’ this man fought daemon 💀

THEY’RE AGING DAERON? i expected it but i’m still disappointed

the horses are so cute with their armor aw

rhaenyra didn’t fucking knew about mysaria’s plan 💀 the smallfolk are right to thank her though. she might be the cause there’s a blockade but it’s not logical the crown hasn’t done anything about it

‘we must leave now’ no tf they don’t. helaena and alicent should stay right there instead of going to the streets. most of the smallfolk is deeply religious and wouldn’t dare to desecrate a sept. what are they, blackwoods?

and the narrative backs me up. the people were outside the sept, but didn’t actually enter and instead just conveniently went after the queens when they exited the sept. they should’ve stayed.

the smallfolk throwing food at them 💀 well damn that’s why you’re starving if you’re throwing good food away

i’ll miss leon stermont ngl. he was funny.

eeeegggg :((( his little tear while reaching for the milk? i’m crying. also give tom his emmy rn

aegon wanted his medicine and sleep but larys instead gave him his lore. poor baby :(

matthew needham the actor you are

i love love love larys and aegon together. the two best actors of the show on scene, their microexpressions, their shared disability and the ruthlessness it brews. this is the most vulnerable larys we’ve ever had and i am so mesmerized by them

new theory: i am a ‘aegon poisoned himself’ truther, and now i am of the mind that larys may help him, and poison his king following his orders (jesus and judas who). after that, he chooses death because what else can he do. he fulfilled his purpose and he served his king.

btw larys’ purpose to me is the old gods grand conspiracy. he’s advancing stuff so that the events of asoiaf can happen. he’s but a piece in a board.

he also may poison aegon without aegon knowing but thinking he’s doing it out of kindness. he doesn’t want the boy he grew to be fond of to be stripped of his power, life and dignity. better to die a king.

i hope we can get past all that dan schneider shit from s1e9 and we get to the real deal of larys’ motivations now. power and chaos, chaos and power. chaos is a ladder after all :)✨

daemon seeing viserys mourning 😭 he’s just in a really bad mushroom trip

where is elmo tully? this is muppet erasure

seasmoooookke i’m mad at you

still go get your rider boy

???? no claiming scene ???? 🤨

also we probably could’ve a) seasmoke claiming scene and b) sunfyre recovering scene instead of steffon dying trying to claim seasmoke and caraxes screaming in the background with alys and daemon, better use of cgi

rhaenyra’s problem is that she can’t fathom that not kissing the floor she walks on and still being loyal to her can coexist. no girl jace is your biggest ally he doesn’t doubt you he just sees you need help. smh

another thing i dislike is how they paint rhaenyra to be this universally beloved queen and the poor underdog fighting against the world at the same time. pick a side hbo

here we have grrm’s bad maths: 2/3 of the houses sided with the blacks, the blacks have thrice the dragons the greens have. but still the greens won (by virtue of aegon outliving and killing rhaenyra). how was that? the greens are the underdogs and the blacks have the numbers advantage

jace literally wakes up and starts thinking about ways to help his mother. but he says ‘ayo maybe you should check on your husband and ask him for help’ and then his mother cries and makes a fit because apparently he’s doubting her. narcissistic mom where

because apparently women need to be raped to be sympathetic? can’t mysaria be a sex worker who just so happened to want power and catch daemon’s attention? why does she need to be abused by her father? and tell her backstory to a targaryen of all things. she won’t ever understand how horrible that is.

mysaria being a ripoff of varys’ backstory 🧐

bruuuh i actually don’t think rhaenyra and mysaria are a good thing. power dynamics, especially with mysaria being a former sex worker and a sa victim, a daemon victim and at some point rhaenyra’s prisoner. can’t mysaria be a good employee without having to please her boss sexually? can rhaenyra respect one of her employees without fucking them? it seems not.

this episode was long aaaaaaffff and i think the scene with rhaenyra and mysaria could’ve been cut completely. mysaria giving her lore just doesn’t hit as hard when larys gave his piece, the make out scene is just fanservice and the ‘oh no’ ending could’ve been just alyn claiming seasmoke and pulling a dany

7/10 solely because of my greenies and alys.

#team green #hotd #hotd s2 #hotd spoilers #hotd critical #aemond targaryen when i catch you #sunny cooks 🍳🍷

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