#because i feel like a lot of americans don't actually realize that public schools (and private schools) teach JACK SHIT about labor history

[shu-of-the-wind]

okay because i am DEATHLY curious about this, please select from the options below. reblog with your country of origin as well please.

ETA BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE GETTING SNARKY: i am asking it this specific way with these specific poll options (american vs non-american) because it's my understanding and experience that most US state public schools actively suppress any teaching of labor history in any concrete way to the point of editing textbooks. i'm not trying to be an american exclusionist here or say that there weren't non-american labor movements. i'm saying that as a historian with degrees i have noticed that there is a very different attitude towards teaching labor history in the united states than there is in other countries. for fuck's sake.

[heartnosekid]

well, friends. i’m sure a good lot of you have seen this post. i was denied today. i have to contact a lawyer and i don't even know how to begin advocating for myself outside of simply contacting the firm an ex-friend of mine used to obtain disability.

if you would rather not read the whole vent, i completely understand. but if you would still like to provide answers or support to me, here are my main issues.

i need advice from others who have been denied disability and have gone through a lawyer to obtain it. i need advice on what to do about getting started with victim advocacy. that's about it, i reckon. i love you all. my dm's are open. you will be blocked if you clown.

and yes, i realize my stim blog is not the place to talk about this. i understand, but this is my largest audience and i feel i would be a fool to not post this somewhere it may be actually received.

tw for mental health talk / long vent under the cut, particularly of the despairing kind, and also mentions of CSA / CSAM, psychosis, and my general disabilities. if this post needs more trigger tags, please let me know and i'll add them.

my whole life i have been treated as if i am not struggling because i can do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. i can survive, but never thrive, and even surviving now has become difficult. i can't feed myself regularly, my guardians do that for me. i can't stand for longer than a few minutes at a time without extreme duress and pain, which makes cleaning, showering, and going out super difficult and beyond draining. i can understand abstract concepts and certain ideas and am emotionally intelligent, but i struggle heavily with understanding money or how government works, particularly when it comes to laws and loopholes. i don't know when i'm "being had", as it were, and others have pointed this out to me throughout my adulthood. it feels as though this entire disability journey has been me "being had". they gave me something to cling on to, the possibility i may be able to receive real help, and it seems as though they basically knew the whole time they were going to deny me again. for the fourth time. i know that is unrealistic but, it does feel that way.

i wrote several full length books when i was a child / young teenager, and had two published. i won't share the titles because i have outgrown what i wrote and find them childish and frankly embarrassing, but everyone upon learning that i have written and had novels published, immediately jumps to the conclusion that i am some kind of self-sufficient, incredibly intelligent and capable person. i have never once been able to effectively take care of myself. without my guardians, i wouldn't be able to manage money, insurance, bills, cars, groceries, among other things. i don't even halfway understand how insurance on anything even works despite having been shown how it works.

i can see something, be "taught" to the best of someone's ability, and i will still not be able to learn. this has been a constant issue throughout my life, and the american public school system has continually helped these issues perpetuate. all schooling has done is teach me how to parrot back concepts and ideas, remember them for a limited amount of time before losing them to the void, and not how to fundamentally understand and learn them or utilize them in daily life. even higher education was like this, and i was not able to thrive throughout my experience with college despite making mostly okay grades (i cheated and lied a lot, okay. i'm not proud of it but i felt i had to get through or i would be severely punished). i had to a sign an agreement that i personally still do not fully understand to "obtain" my associate's degree, and i do not know why despite the fact it was explained to me, in detail. the information has not registered, and i now no longer have anyone that was involved in said agreement to explain it to me. everyone i say this to is like, "what? that doesn't make any sense." and i'm like. yeah. it doesn't, and i have zero ability to explain it to them in a way that makes sense.

i mention my associate's degree because i am sure in some form or fashion it was used against me in the disability process, since i was "able to complete higher education". also it should be noted i did an early college program. also probably has been used against me. also cheated through most of it.

people have always considered my kind of autism to be hyper competent, since it appeared that way when i was a child, despite showing several signs that i was struggling with a math-centric learning disability, called dyscalculia. i have since deteriorated to the point of barely having the knowledge a young adult should have, about how life works financially and honestly in general.

i have extreme fear about what may happen to me without proper assistance. my guardians will be able to take care of me for some time, but after that? that feels like a black hole to me. it doesn't exist nor will it while i am under-assisted, and this black hole fills me with utter despair. i try not to let it permeate my daily life, so as to not dwell in a future that doesn't exist yet and has the possibility for change. but god. it fills me with literal existential dread, and it is becoming so much more difficult to ignore the older i get.

a lot of factors have been used against me my entire life to deny me assistance, and these reasons being yet another factor has really dredged up a lot of shit from my past.

this is besides the point, but i also learned recently that CSAM was made and distributed of me when i was a child and wow. that has hit me in ways i cannot even describe. part of me is like, why was i not allowed to know after the fact, even when i became an adult? i was directly involved. why did no one tell me my abuser was convicted for counts of spreading CSAM, and that they lied directly to the court system about their inappropriate actions with me? i was disenfranchised in more ways than one by more than one person on allowance of my abuser, and i am just now hearing about it. i don't know how to deal and i don't know how to get started with victim advocacy in my area.

but at the same time, whilst being treated as severely more competent than i am, i have also been infantilized relentlessly, by nearly everyone around me. how does this make any sense. i feel incredibly stupid and uninformed and at the same time privy to things about my disabilities others are not, while not being able to effectively communicate it. i feel i am screaming and begging for help, nearly at my wits end with a lot of things, and all of it is reading as "owie booboo" to anyone who could do anything to help. i feel i am falling through the cracks, and i fear having to crawl back up through them. i fear i won't make the trek. i fear i will lose motivation and let myself rot. it feels like no one in a position of power has taken a true effort to really help me and i cannot help or advocate for myself. i am very scared.

on top of all of that stuff, i am withdrawing pretty heavily from cymbalta, experiencing heightened panic attacks every day, PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures), more episodes of psychosis and hallucinating than i'm used to, all of my mental and physical issues are out of control, and now this disability stuff. i also won't be able to see a psychiatrist for...maybe a week or so more, so no bridge meds till then.

these last couple weeks have just really kicked me down. thank you for reading if you got this far. i appreciate you more than you know and i have no idea where i would be without y'all and this blog. i love you all so very much.

-ish

[sophsicle]

Hi! I’ve been a long time fan of your fics, and recently I’ve been listening to the podcast you do and I’ve really enjoyed it.

However on the most recent podcast episode you talked about antisemitism in hp specifically about how it’s so normalized a lot of people don’t realize what it is especially young children (for whom the books are aimed at). I agree completely that this is a problem and it’s bad.

But you specifically mentioned how ww2 and the holocaust wasn’t covered in US schools? I wasn’t sure if one of the other podcasters you were with was American and that was why you brought it up but to be honest it felt very out of nowhere and is just inaccurate.

I’m not speaking for the entirety of America but at least in my school system we extensively covered ww2 with a special section on the holocaust in high school, and there was an elective holocaust history class you could take. I remember as early as kindergarten, having a Jewish classmate tell us about Jewish holidays and culture, going to her bat mitzvah and learning about the holocaust early on.

This is just an anecdote and doesn’t summarize the experience of every American public school but neither does saying we just “don’t cover it”. You cannot explain the entire educational system of the country, it varies from state to state, from county to county within states. I’ve been seeing a lot of blatant misinformation about American (especially the school system) lately and it’s really annoying. I love your work and I’ve loved every other podcast episode so far but this sort of ruined my experience to be honest.

Yeah, you're totally right. It was a broad statement that cannot be made about the entirety of a country's education system, especially a place like America where there is a large degree of variation depending on where you are in the country. I apologize, it was dismissive and it wasn't really what I meant to say. I was mostly trying to communicate that I feel like the iconography of WWI and WWII is much more prevalent in Canada and Britain because those wars were more culturally significant in those places. America has been affected more, and played a larger role in, other wars and therefore I feel like culturally WWI and WWII don't carry quite the same weight. Which can lead to things being overlooked. But that is all based just on my personal experience speaking with Americans not on like research I've done or anything, so also, obviously not representative. The problem with the podcast is it's not scripted, we're just having conversations, so sometimes we can say things less thoughtfully than we may otherwise. And this is a great example because I don't think, and didn't actually mean to say, that the education system in America doesn't cover WWII at all, somehow the thought on the way from my brain to my mouth came out that way.

So again, totally get your point, totally think you're right, and I'm sorry it ruined the experience cause I honestly think overall it's a really good episode. I will try and be a little more cautious in the future with my overarching statements :)

[blueflyingturtleontheway]

Elena for send me a character?

Ahahaha YES I have so many opinions about Elena

First impression

I don't really remember my first impression of Elena, given that I was like, 12 when I first saw the show? I was definitely interested because I like the Latin American culture in general but I don't think I was particularly interested in Elena herself (though I did recognize "My time" as a bop). I think once I started actually watching the show I thought she was fine, though I remember I liked Naomi much more back then and didn't really care for Elena all that much.

Impression now

I absolutely love Elena. She's just such a great character and she combines so many of my favourite tropes and what's even more important I think she uses those tropes really well. She's absolutely in the top 3 of my favourite characters.

Favorite moment

Just one? Hmmm I can't choose one so maybe I'll say one from each season. In season one there are many little scenes I love because they all show many different sides of Elena and even little traits of her I love, I am definitely biased by my current rewatches but right now I'll choose how encouraging she was towards Gabe in Olaball, how persistent and especially that single line "wouldn't [you joining the olaball team] make your dad happy?" because it shows that she remembers a lot of things about her friends and wants them to be happy, to help them solve even those mundane little problems or make their life a little better.

For season two I am torn between her fight with Shuriki in Song of the Sirenas because it was downright EPIC (but also seeing her just collapse after the fight was heartbreaking and in general it evokes so many emotions AAAA) and basically how she acted for the whole Snow Place Like Home, because she was trying to cheer everyone up and help them, like she always does but it was also great to see her just get upset because come on, she's just human.

And in season three there are even more fantastic scenes with her come on! There's obviously a ton of epic moments in Coronation Day itself, but I think I'll choose how she forgave Victor and Carla in the Lightning Warrior. It really shows how much she's grown but also those core values she keeps through the whole show, despite how much she's been hurt this season.

Idea for a story

Just one?!

*Spins the Wheel of Wips* Alright let's go with this one.

So I really wanted to write a story were Elena realizes and maybe struggles with how much time has actually passed, how much she has missed and how much older she is/feels in comparison to her friends. I have a few loose scenes, like maybe Isa mentioned an upcoming test or something and Gabe, Naomi and Mateo who all attended the same school start talking about it and reminescing it and well, Elena can't say anything about this topic since she never went to a public school in general, but you know, it's alright, she's happy to listen and ask. Except a lot of other similar things happen, like maybe when they're hanging out they play a game that is sooo popular except Elena never heard of it because it's only gotten popular in the last twenty years, same for some books or plays they've all seen but she has no idea about. I'd also like to mention that slang and accents changed as well, so maybe she feels like she can't even speak like people her age. And she's just. A little lost because yeah, she may have joked before a little in the "well back in my days..." way, but now she finds herself saying that unironically and she loves Avalor and she loves to learn about new things but she also can't help but miss all the things and elements of culture that have been lost because of Shuriki. She feels too young for the people from her generation but too old for her peers.

I'm not yet sure how to solve this idea, it also depends if I'd combine it with say, Lachia (cause Michał could affect those feelings with his old times chivalry and everything) or a Last Christmas more light idea I had recently. Something I definitely would want to include is Elena having a talk with Esteban where she confesses those feelings and maybe he helps her deal with them a little, even if what he came through was quite different. I also imagined one of the last scenes to be her friends surprising her with a free evening to hang out, help her catch up with everything, maybe invite her to an iconic play that has been put out again and also let her talk more about how she remembers Avalor and generally made her loved and validates despite everything.

Unpopular opinion

I know that shipping Elena is fun and I like to sometimes do it myself but... She really doesn't need a love interest like it was the whole point the writers were trying to make.

Favorite relationship

Hmmm that's difficult, cause Elena has so many so different relationship with all the characters. I definitely love her relationship with her closest friends, though especially with Gabe as you know but I also love her relationship with her family, especially Esteban cause it's so complicated XD Then there's also the more abstract relationships, like the one she has with her whole kingdom and my favourite of the abstract ones is the relationship she has with her own royalty, because it's honestly so refreshing among modern princesses.

Favorite headcanon

Alright so I was thinking the longest about this question I think x) I don't think I actually have any of my own headcanons for her and I can't remember being extremely caught by some fandom one, but I thought I might share a shippy headcanon on her life before Shuriki's attack?

So I was thinking that maybe, pre Shuriki's attack, Elena and Victor might've been in love? Like, I am sure they were friends, that's basically canon and I think it was a very casual kind of crush that just came naturally from being good friends and being so close. They never really confessed it to each other although they have been often meeting just the two of them and well, they weren't officially dates it just so happened the others couldn't join them or they just wouldn't enjoy it, there was no point in inviting them... And it went on for a few years and everything was fine because even despite occasional blushing or trying to impress one another they were still friends first and foremost, except things became more complicated as they got older... Because on Elena's side I could see her not even realizing that crush for most of the time and even once she did, I think she's the type of person to say to herself that she's just 16, she has time for dating and there's no need to rush things and she was satisfied with how things were for now (plus maybe she was afraid it would be awkward if she read his signals wrong). And on Victor's side it looked much worse, because I firmly believe that he had serious self worth issues that got much worse when he was a teenager and eventually pushed him to making the deal with Shuriki, so at the same time he was often jelous of other people (because let's face it, Elena's extremely friendly and almost everyone likes her) but at the same time he was too self conscious to confess what he actually feels towards her because he was afraid she might laugh at him and he'd loose her as a friend too. And once he met Shuriki (because I feel like it must have been some time before the deal itself) he could use it as another argument to convince himself to join her, after all once he'll be an official royal, a right hand to the queen, Elena will have no reason to say no, right? And since Shuriki will be the queen Elena won't be pressured into dating for political reasons, right? And I could also see them actually drifting apart as friends because of Victor's insecurity which only hurt both of them.

Obviously for Victor those feelings faded over time (though he was even more devasted after Shuriki's takeover because he thought Elena was dead :')) so when he met her again in King of the Carnaval it was just meeting an old good friend, maybe he even remembered his crush and insecurity with cringe or a laugh now but for Elena it was definitely a very weird feeling seeing her friend and crush having a daughter her age

That's all I think! Thank you for letting me talk about my favourite princesa and sorry for making you wait so long x)

Ask game

[scentedchildnacho]

I did get through text one to realize that those that hate God maybe are just people taught to follow a fake god instead of krisna they aren't actually satanists when they skelter around.....ohio everywhere and the very famous white instigator of mal conduct...mlk jr.....the other America....

Headlight skelters are not prakrti

The old man told me changing his sport channel to Spanish is a mean spic thing to do....so I thought about the Irish hispanic and peace mans allowance of vaccines.....

And told him I predict one day Spanish will be natives and southerners and it will mean aid groups finally arriving....your channel called you just the flu....and Spanish music is the good people....and you do need more medical care...

You dread hearing Spanish because allies have had to arrive and we were all getting very sick...

Destructive destructive and I start feeling like automatic movements and tourettes whimsical and that's so funny so fun if destructive

Yoni yoni yoni....my yoni is being telepathically summoned to an alien ship through Judy's tv

Well some people find depressive evidence really instigating of saying no more firmly

Your channel wouldn't finally take you to your TV not Judy's so Spanish Americans have had to arrive

Bugs they bugged people so Spanish has to arrive or you would die maybe of bug washes from military kids having to live in foreign compounds and truly needing drug deal strategy to survive

Military kids cannot control their feelings of scarcity and will kill people off to survive compound ration reduction...you cannot survive people from foriegn compounds alone without allies they were in Germany and their not like us though

Im sorry but sport is weird not all American right now it's weird to be around sport ..

Anyway that might be a really good sign of our liberation they may be finally could get across the border and all that the govenor is ted Bundy has maybe stopped razor wire ...

Their women and I don't want woman p.o.w. ever I hate that I really hate that

My Leiden class said The English Terrorist or The GQ that can mass murder by itself British colonial measures cannot really last forever they scare people with way more oil then expected and still too much fossil fuel abuse....but not really

Even if there is enough oil to keep battering everyone truth is I have never liked fascism....and more and more people choose sci Fi folk worlds

That's me about selfishness if people wanted me to scare people of end of the world no more petrol quickly differentiate in specialty I would do that type of prophetics because I'm tired of constant car bomb terrorist it's stupid bloody worthless and constantly cruel....

That's what this YouTube about the woke conspiracy said that after this stupid creepy repulsive nothing of excess fascism next year there won't be anything but black outs

When I think about jobs I do more notice people not prepared to have to know how to have horses and a wagon

If people are still a car there are truly not good jobs

The police say what is applicable to say at the time otherwise you can't really know what their actually strategizing they do have to work for a company....so

I need to emigrate public services like police never do anything I want so a different voter will kill me if I don't flee ...

People like me want a fire station police so if I go to Gods garage the cars are kicked out of the parking lot for a garden and park and rides established and they never enforce their own safety on site so I never really want to be around them

People can just go right up to buildings here with explosives in their trunk....

There are only a few places that force cult ho with the wrong practice for God to pay for parking if all parking had extensive rates life would be way better for these hoods

Im not sure how my militarys kids are doing my friends from high school I assume my grade school friends are fine their from the states if it's my friends that were stationed in Germany golum I don't know how long they were required to carry that power of a liminal state of bad behaviour without actually killing people but I suspect heyroth had to go to jail awhile maybe not....

I think with age if I eventually got a mentality then heyroth was not in good health....

Maybe she died of COVID she was really mean if people didn't see about her that her lung did collapse of COPD

That would be the self defense plea I would give heyroth that area of Wisconsin is very hard working spartan and very intensely physical and she got really bad copd without spiritual grandfather......so she did though hate everyone

[my-best-friends]

Dear blog,

Something interesting and life changing has happened. There is no lie that I have scary dog privilege thanks to my bff (my crush). Most of the time I'd walk around it was with me holding their arm and them displaying their classic rbf. They have tired eyes that are usually kind of hooded behind their glasses that I think makes them look attractive......

But we've been apart for a while, we both moved away, began college and we've started our journeys into young adulthood. We're in different countries now and only messaged each other or emailed each other. We hadn't actually seen one another since before covid. Well we recently saw each other again and my heart felt like it was going to burst. They always wear a mask in public which is kind of uncommon now, at least for an American (but I knew they usually wore one before covid during cold season or if they themselves were sick but anyway), and they don't wear their glasses anymore. They actually wear contacts now. They said it's their preference because their glasses fog up a lot since they always wear masks.

I honestly couldn't help but stare. I've seen them without their glasses before, when I used to sit in their lap and they would let me take them off and play with them in high school. Their eyes are naturally big, I was shocked to find this out because they usually look normal sized or even a bit small but I found out that it's because the lenses in their glasses distort how they actually look. But anyway this is different. I noticed how they looked during our date (it wasn't actually a date but shut up and let me dream), I observed all the faces they made under their mask and it's different from before. Before we went our separate ways they usually had a bored look on their face and their eyes were not always open so much. Their face didn't change that much when expressing how they felt or whatever, they're just that kind of person.

Yet I've come to realize that they developed a way to communicate with their eyes more expressively because they're still as quiet as before, using few words to communicate but now they have a mask 100% of the time covering up half their face. So to say thank you or to greet someone, their eyes scrunch shut into cute soft crescents and they bow softly which indicates they're smiling and belong polite. And when they're contemplating something, their eyes grow a bit hooded as their eyebrows furrow and I can practically see the way their bottom lip juts out in a soft pout when they think. And when their eyes go wide, looking round and innocent and blinking softly as their head tilts slightly like a puppy, it's because they're confused by something (well they used to tilt their head in confusion before but not with those adorable puppy eyes).

I glanced at them and watched them the whole time and my heart fluttered every. single. time. I always liked my scary dog privileges (which they still are, truly) but now with those cute big eyes and pretty long lashes on full display. Oh my, I think I'm having a heart attack 😍

The only thing that bothered me was that they didn't really touch me. Yeah we hugged when we first greeted each other and then again when we said goodbye but they didn't link arms with me or hold my hand or wrap their arm around my shoulder like before. And I know it's been years since we were physically next to each other but I miss their touch. I miss the feeling of their hot hands on me, on my back, around my waist..... I feel that they missed that too because when they started getting used to being physically affectionate with me, they really got into it. People thought we were dating and I was on cloud nine but now...... I at least got to wear their jersey. After a movie we walked out into the night to drive back to our respective hotels. I was cold, shivering and rubbing my arms and complaining about it (I'm a princess, I know). And they asked me if I wanted their jersey they were wearing. I said no but they were quick to take it off and place it on me. And oh God, it was so warm and smelled like them. They smell different now. More mature and fresh than back in school but still comforting (I know it's weird but if someone smells good I find them more attractive especially my bff, don't judge me). But I think (and I'm sure of it) they're hands kind of lingered near my shoulders before they pulled away and fiddled with the strap of their bag. God I wished they would hold me like before. I think we're just two awkward people who are a little too nervous to rekindle that intimacy we used to have. But it's too late, I missed my chance. They went back home and I did too. But now I know that I'm still desperately in love with them if not more.

Until next entry,

Yama 😶

[bartletforamerica]

How the Bartlet Administration Reacts to COVID-19

Abbey: is not taking any chances. After losing the fight to get the President to retreat to the farm or Camp David, she gets him to agree to limit himself to the oval office and the residence, with as few in person meetings as possible. Even before they’ve pulled together a White House task force, she’s made sure that everything is being disinfected and that her entire schedule is either canceled or made virtual. Her staff is the first to be working from home (and oh boy does she scold if she finds out any of them did something she thinks is foolish), with most of the rest of the White House staff following shortly after. She makes it her mission to do PSAs on what people should be doing and even does a virtual Sesame Street collaboration to teach kids how to wash their hands.

Zoey: Is not super pleased to be stuck in the Residence 24/7. She’s doing classes from her bedroom, so yay to not having to get out of bed early, but she can tell people are super disappointed that her camera is set up so that she has only a blank wall behind her [it turns out the secret service is very touchy about where you take video calls]. She also gets officially hired and given a security clearance for the sole fact that she’s one of the only people allowed to be near her dad who is tech-literate. She ends up doing some of her reading on the couch in his office so that she's on hand for when he's supposed to be skyping with the senior staff and can't figure out what link to click. She spends a lot of time worrying about Ellie, who helping do research about the virus, and texting her friends.

The President: is not happy to be closed up away from people. He also thinks that Abbey is overreacting where he's concerned. He misses actually getting to be around the younger staff. He and Zoey do a cooking from home video at C.J.'s suggestion, so that the country can see he's alive and to encourage people to not go out. They make chili and fight over whether it needs more cumin or oregano while Abbey records it and pipes in from behind the camera. The country is treated to a history of chili and a diplomatic incident nearly happens because apparently Mexicans deny having any association with it, even though most food historians say it has Mexican roots. The flaming debate doesn't stop a second episode at Thanksgiving where the country is treated to the history of the yam and all the secret spices that go into the President's stuffing. A large portion of the country gives him flack for putting Oysters in his stuffing. [In a small bedroom in an Illinois apartment a woman finally figures out why Joe Bethersonsen sounded so familiar.]

Leo: moved into the Residence because there was no way he was going to talk the President off ledges via skype for however long this lasted. He can only do so much. Zoey helps him learn to use Skype and he finds himself missing Margaret desperately even when he spends most of the day with a computer dedicated to having her on Skype so he can turn to it and ask her questions. She insists he get exercise and eat healthy (something he thinks she’s collaborating with the first lady on behind his back—they say very similar things much of the time). He skypes with Mallory on Sunday mornings over breakfast in his room and they pretend they’re at a hotel having a fancy brunch.

Charlie: is not particularly happy. He got sent home with everyone else because he’s not particularly necessary to have on hand if the president isn’t going anywhere. He’s still getting paid and he does do some work (the most important bit being hanging out on the phone with the president so he can ramble about history so Zoey can get her own reading done, Leo can browbeat the staff, and the first lady can do her own job) but he’s been ordered by the president and first lady to focus on getting extra school done while he can.

Donna: started freaking out the first day there was a rumor of a new disease in China. Then the White House shut down and even senior staff got sent home unless they absolutely needed to be in the building (basically just C.J. and some of her staff). And her roommate (not the one she'd really liked, who had a cat, but one she hopes is only temporary) works for a GOP congressman who thinks the whole thing is a hoax and bans masks in his office, so Donna is not at all happy and spends time she should be working cleaning things her roommate touches and that's sixty percent of how she ends up living with Josh.

Josh: is struggling with not being allowed to leave the house on pain of the first lady taking him to task (something about his lungs and the bullet). Even when he was putting his nose to the grindstone to make it through college and law school, he liked being around people while he studied, so he was usually in the library or a cafe rather than his room. He works best when he can bounce ideas off people and take in new ideas. When he was grounded after surgery it absolutely sucked and that was why he drove everyone crazy calling them all the time. Yeah he was bored, but he was also lonely. Plus he's not the best with technology. He very nearly went on national tv with his boxers showing, if not for Donna skyping him beforehand and making sure he fixed the camera. Between needing not to be alone and needing his assistant to be able to actually help him, the invite for Donna to stay with him slips out when she's complaining about her roommate. She shows up two hours later with two suitcases of clothes and two suitcases with pasta, toilet paper, and flour.

Donna and Josh: are handling the pandemic much better now that they're together. Josh can bounce ideas off Donna without it tying up his phone line. And she can listen in on his calls to the various members of congress about the stimulus package that they're working on. It's an even better look at Josh's job than she had before, and while it makes some of her work harder to focus on, she feels like she understands some things better than she ever has before. Josh even starts listening to her about how to sway certain congressmembers to their side. When they're not working, Donna forces Josh to cook with her so they're not entirely subsisting on delivery. They tried making bread and managed to spill half a bag of flour on the floor in the process but they ate all of it, even though it tasted pretty bland. Josh finally got Donna into baseball when it came back. Toby spit out his beer when he was on speakerphone with them and he heard Donna accurately yelling at the Mets for screwing up. Donna wears Josh's clothes more than her own, since she doesn't have to be on camera most of the time. They're platonically sharing a bed because they haven't found a convertible sofa for his living room that they like, they say, and it doesn't make sense for one of them to sleep on the couch, which they say has a spring that makes it uncomfortable to sleep on, even though Donna lounges on it all day with no problem. They are absolutely not dating and so they tell all their friends.

C.J.: spends five minutes laughing every time she gets off the phone with Josh or Donna. She loves her friends but god they're so completely in denial. It does, however, give her a much needed break. Her job has always involved a lot of people and knowing what venue to meet them in to ensure that she gets or passes on the information she needs. COVID protocols mean no more one-on-one meetings with journalists in her office, no more gaggles following her through the halls. The press corps were not happy when they moved all briefings outside and insisted on face masks and shields in addition to everyone sitting six feet apart. She gets asked about the president's health at least once a day and they start doing weekly waving from the balconies just so the press corps can get footage of him, healthy and shouting down to Danny and some of the others. Someone makes a cartoon of the president in the tower, with Abbey as his dragon keeper and though no one is willing to justify a cartoon with a comment, privately C.J. thinks it's accurate. She's always admired Abbey's fierce protectiveness of her family, even when she doesn't agree with every way it expresses itself or when it interferes with C.J.'s job. She has to come up with new ways to push the White House agenda (keep the economy afloat, stay home, no, don't listen to the GOP governors or those running for the primary, those ideas are not good, go the fuck home and stop having parties) and while some work, others bomb. It would help if everyone would stay on message and not screw up.

Sam: would like to make it clear that he did not know how many people would be at that gathering. He thought he was going for an outdoor meal with just a few old friends who could help raise money for the democratic party, not a fifty-person birthday party. The media fallout nearly gets him fired. Instead he gets yelled at by C.J., then by the First Lady. Mallory even sends him a card about how stupid he was. He's pretty sure that having Donna around is the only reason that Josh hasn't made the same mistake by now. It had to have been a toss up as to which of the two of them would screw up. Sam just isn't lucky enough to have a Donna (Sam is very happy that Josh has a Donna, Sam just wants Josh to realize that he talks about Donna the same way most men talk about their wives, because it's really hard not to respond to "why do I put up with finding her hair clogging the shower drain" with "because you love her and can't live without her, stupid"). He instead has adopted a cat for company. It tries to scratch him every time he tries to pet it. Sam spends his days trying to find a way to say "fuck the economy until we've beaten the virus" in a way that is palatable to the American people while trying to remind Toby that they can't actually say that outright. This is not an easy task.

Toby: would like to tell most of the American public to shut up, stay indoors for two months, pretty much nobody excepted, and if you don't, then you get tossed out to sea. He's come within an inch of telling anti-mask people they deserve to get sick on the record and is strongly advocating that the federal government figure out a way to mandate that every person in the country, minus those with legitimate medical exceptions, get the vaccine as soon as possible. He is also about to get evicted because it turns out his neighbors do not appreciate having rubber balls bounced against the walls for hours on end. Apparently, the thud is rather annoying. He worries about everyone, though this is delivered brusquely. Out of everyone he's taking the new work from home situation the best. No one can pop in to distract him, or comment on his eating habits. And if he doesn't want to talk to someone, he can always turn his phone to silent and pretend not to have seen they called. He's not pleased the Yankees lost to the Rays (necessitating rooting for either the Dodgers or the Rays, one of which beat his team and the other which betrayed New York), but he can at least take solace in the fact that the Mets didn't even make the playoffs.

[misssophiachase]

prompt- AH Klaroline. we usually see klaus developing feelings for caroline while she's in a relationship with someone else. i would like to see something where klaus has been in an established relationship with another girl and caroline realizes that she's developed feelings for him. (if you don't have time to do this one, don't worry about it).

Thanks nonnie, I love it so much! Inspired really. Got a bit carried away too, see notes at the end.

Synopsis: One wedding and a completely confused best man and maid of honour.

“And all you never say is that you love me so.”

All You Never Say

Caroline Forbes, Maid of Honour, Invites you to celebrate:

The Bachelorette Party for

Katherine Pierce

On Saturday fifteenth of June, twenty-twenty one at Connaught Bar, Mayfair, London at 2000h

Dress: Party Attire

One week before the nuptials - Connaught Bar, London England, 10:21pm

“What happened to the Kitty Kat I knew who’d usually be dancing on the bar right now and showing the stripper just how it’s done?” 

Although her tone was light and teasing, Caroline was a little disappointed given this was her best friend’s bachelorette party and there wasn’t a tacky veil or penis straw in sight. 

Also, they’d been forced to hire out a venue to avoid unwanted media attention before the big day so the atmosphere wasn’t quite what she was expecting either. 

The word lacklustre seemed a good word to describe it all.  

Maid of Honour Caroline had been banned from most fun things when organising Kat’s last night of ‘freedom’. 

“She’s marrying one of the United Kingdom’s most eligible bachelors, not to mention the youngest Minister in the Government’s Cabinet. That doesn’t really go with the wholesome reputation she’s trying to portray, Care,” Bonnie offered, eating the olive from her martini. “Although, I think it’s a shame you can’t put those pole dancing moves we learned in Cabo to good use.”

“This is one pathetic stripper, just saying,” Rebekah offered, joining them at the bar and stealing Bonnie’s drink from her outstretched hands.

“I was on the other side of the world, I could only go by his rating on the internet,” Caroline argued. “Plus, I also had to find one who kept some clothes on and we all know what that means.”

“What’s underneath doesn’t match the whole package,” Bonnie finished. “We don’t need to tip him, do we?”

When Katherine called Caroline thirteen months earlier to say she was engaged to Elijah, Caroline couldn’t have been happier. They’d all met each other at private boarding school and had stayed in touch ever since and even though they seemed like opposites, Kat and Elijah complemented one another. 

Also, Katherine’s job as head neurosurgeon at one of London’s most prestigious private hospitals and her impressive family inheritance greatly helped matters when it came to swaying his parents on the engagement. 

The Mikaelsons. 

Mikael and Esther were extremely wealthy and well-connected in English society.  They came from family money and owned a large and impressive property portfolio spanning the entire globe and had sent their children to the best boarding school the US had to offer.  

Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire. 

Caroline wasn’t wealthy like the rest of her friends. She’d be lying if that fact didn’t make her feel somewhat inferior. Her father owned the local general store and, if it weren’t for her scholarship, Caroline would have ended up in public school. Not that she would have minded but her father insisted it was too good an opportunity to pass up. 

Attending the exclusive boarding school had been an adjustment to say the least and not just because of the ugly and uncomfortable uniforms they had to wear. Caroline was assigned to a room with three fellow students. 

Katherine Pierce, although the daughter of a talented cardiothoracic surgeon and a world class architect, was wild and impulsive and constantly in trouble with the dean for her indiscretions like sneaking out to meet boys and smoking on occasion. 

Bonnie Bennett was the gorgeous but serious high achiever whose parents owned one of the biggest publishing houses in the world. She was taught never to take anything for granted and work hard for what she wanted in life. 

Rebekah Mikaelson, while strong-willed and passionate, was the odd one out from the beginning. She made it her aim in life to drive the other girls crazy with her brittle personality and unwanted opinions. Although it took a while, and a few choice fights that needed to be broken up between her and Katherine, the girls became best friends. 

Rebekah’s brothers all attended the school at the same time but in different years with Elijah the eldest followed by Klaus then Kol and youngest sibling Rebekah.  

The Mikaelson boys and their best friend from home, Enzo St John, were definitely the most popular and sought after by the female student body. Caroline, not being one to conform, refused to play that game. She had no intention of stroking their egos any further, especially head womaniser Klaus. 

There was no doubting he was gorgeous, it ran in their family after all, but he knew it. 

Caroline found that she could have a fun time with Enzo, a deep and meaningful discussion with Elijah and a joke with Kol but when it came to Klaus all he did was tease her and rile her up. 

Of course she told herself it was because he was an immature idiot but wasn’t overly convinced it was the only reason given the looks she’d send his way when she knew no one was looking.  Caroline hoped whatever weird thing was happening would dissipate when they graduated. 

Kol and Bonnie had dated for a year at school, but apart from them they all stayed friends. So much so, that after they’d all graduated and gone their separate ways in life they still caught up for most significant occasions. 

This wedding being one of many. 

Katherine and Elijah had reconnected in Boston and, even though she always said he was too serious, they fell in love and were now on the verge of marriage. 

Caroline was so excited, if not about the bachelorette party. 

“Who are we kidding? I got the wild stuff out when you three were all too busy being good girls in boarding school,” she scoffed. Caroline wouldn’t admit it aloud but she had a point. “And there’s nothing stopping you three from getting up there with the stripper.” 

“Pass,” all three replied, looking up at him ominously. 

“How about we get out of here and see what the boys are up to?” Katherine suggested a twinkle in her brown eyes. 

“Because I think that defeats the purpose of a bachelorette party, Pierce,��� Caroline drawled. “And this is Elijah, no offence but poker doesn’t sound all that exciting if you ask me.”

“Says the girl with the special poker skills,” Kat smiled deviously. “Klaus likes to think he’s the best player but we all know you could give him a run for his money. I’d say watching you fleece him is a fun way to spend an evening.”

Caroline had to admit angering the best man and her wedding partner certainly had its benefits. They’d seen each other in passing the previous day on arrival but otherwise hadn’t connected much recently because she was based on the West coast in Los Angeles and him on the East in New York City. 

He was the CEO of a prominent stockbroking firm and, by all reports, had been dating a Texan oil billionaire’s daughter and model, Hayley someone, for the past year.  

Okay, her surname was Marshall. 

She may have read a few editions of Page Six and seen them attending premieres and openings. She was sort of attractive.

Okay, she was gorgeous with big, brown doe eyes and a glossy chestnut mane and legs for days. 

Caroline told herself that she didn’t care more times than she could count but there was also something lingering beneath the surface with Klaus. She would have endeavoured to forget him after school had it not been for something that happened two years earlier and changed her opinion of him completely. 

Bastard.

And with that came the insecurity she hated. Even though she’d carved out a successful career as a human rights lawyer, she’d never fit into his life because she didn’t have a rich family or a huge inheritance like Hayley. Not that she cared but she knew his family did. 

She noticed her friends giving her weird looks, clearly she didn’t realise how much of a Klaus trance she’d descended into. 

“Sure. Why not?”

American Bar, Savoy Hotel, London 11:07pm 

“This is lame,” Kol scoffed, throwing his cards on the makeshift poker table. 

“He’s only saying that because he’s losing,” Enzo laughed, pulling the chips towards him greedily. 

“No, I’m saying that because this is no bachelor party,” he huffed, standing up and going to the bar to make himself another drink. “You couldn’t even organise one, measly stripper?”

As with the girls, the guys had hired out the venue for privacy reasons, not that they were actually doing anything untoward. 

Klaus had won the most money so far but he’d left the table to take a call from Hayley letting Enzo win a few rounds in his absence. She was arriving the next day for the wedding and was calling to check on the arrangements. 

Klaus was certain he’d told her multiple times but she was someone who liked things just right. But she also liked to call. 

A lot. 

At first he thought it was endearing but after a year he was starting to realise it was largely overkill. So too, her obsession with all things materialistic and celebrity and having to be at the opening of everything and anything. Klaus liked to keep more of a low profile if he could and that trait only reminded him of his parents and their chosen life together.

When he’d met her during a wild weekend in Miami, Klaus was immediately taken with her. He even thought it was love but decided that was just the tequila talking and it was most definitely lust. Klaus didn’t do relationships and he assumed she would be a momentary distraction until his parents had taken a strong liking to her.  Or more accurately to her wealth and family connections and future prospects for them. 

With Mikael and Esther it wasn’t much about love but what you did for a living and how much money your family had. Their marriage was case in point. 

Klaus wasn’t one to do what his parents told him but he’d long felt the black sheep given his secret paternity and decided it would be good to earn their favour for a change.  

There was also another reason to entertain the relationship, one that had made him realise that, no matter what, he was always going to have to settle for second best. 

“Are we interrupting anything?” Klaus looked up into the eyes of his future sister-in-law. He and Katherine had acted like siblings from the moment they met so to him her marriage to Elijah was inevitable.     

“Great!” Kol growled from his vantage point behind the bar. “Not only do I have to sit through this poor excuse for a party but now the girls have arrived.”

“Nice to see you too, Kol,” Bonnie said, raising her eyebrows. Although they’d dated over ten years ago everyone seemed to think something was still very much happening between them. 

“As much as I’m glad to see my beautiful fiance,” Elijah smiled, standing so he could pull her into his arms affectionately. “I’m not sure this is the done thing.”

“Oh, you mean like strippers, brother?” 

“You’re more than welcome to our stripper, Kol, we only left him in Mayfair about ten minutes ago so you might be able to catch him if you’re lucky,” Rebekah teased, swiping a few of Enzo’s prized chips from the table.

“Oi, woman!” He muttered, attempting to take it back while she squealed in response. 

Rebekah and Enzo had been play fighting since he was eleven and she was nine.  The rest of the group all knew it was unresolved tension that would finally sort itself out some day so were just waiting for it to click into place. 

“So, what you’re telling me is that the girls were allowed to have a stripper?” Clearly, Kol wasn’t letting this one go easily. 

“Oh would you please shut up, little brother, does it shock you that Elijah didn’t actually want one?” Klaus barked, his brother wearing on his last nerve. 

For the most part his gaze had been surreptitiously trained on the maid of honour.  Attired in a little, black dress that hugged her in all the right places it was incredibly distracting.  She was also wearing her hair just how he liked it, loose and a little wild. How many times had he imagined running his fingers through those waves? Too many to count.

Yes, Caroline Forbes was his dirty little secret. One that he had every intention of keeping because it would do him no good to reveal it. 

“I promise that when you get married I’ll book out an entire strip club,” Enzo offered, stealing the chip from Rebekah’s grasp while she wasn’t watching and sending her a triumphant smirk. “Happy?”

“Are we playing poker or what?” Caroline asked. This got his attention. Klaus looked over at her, his eyebrows cocked curiously. 

“You play poker, love?”

“I dabble,” she replied, taking a seat at the table. “I mean, I used to play with my grandpa when I was about ten. Pretty sure the rules haven’t changed much since then.” It would have been adorable if Klaus wasn’t so competitive by nature. 

“We are playing for real money here,” he warned, giving her one last chance to back out. “I mean I wouldn’t want to take advantage.” 

“I’m a big girl and can take care of myself,” she shot back. “So, just deal the cards, Mikaelson.” 

The others took their place and the game was restarted, even Kol seemed to have gotten out of his funk to play. The first hand went like this:

“All red,” Rebekah smiled triumphantly, laying her cards on the table. After betting her entire bank it was sufficed to say she was out from the get-go. 

“All red? Seriously, little sister? Can you please take her away Enzo and never let her play ever again,” Klaus muttered through gritted teeth. How were they even related?

Second hand ended in Katherine and Elijah being expelled for too much PDA at the poker table. Neither of the love birds minded a little time out in the corner. 

Third hand came down to a poor display of bluffing from Kol while Bonnie complained because all she wanted to do was play Go Fish because it was more entertaining.

Then there were two.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just give in, Forbes?” Klaus asked, leaning back lazily in his chair.  She was studying her cards carefully. Most hands she’d folded before betting anything and he was starting to realise she was too careful, much like the girl he knew in real life.   

“Give me a minute,” she hissed, fastening a loose wave behind her ear. Klaus could tell it was a sign of a bad hand but at the same time he wished he was the one to place it there. 

“Okay, I want three cards,” she asked, placing the discarded ones face down. 

“Maybe you should just fold, love?” He asked, partly because he was concerned but also because Klaus knew he was that accomplished. His straight flush was looking extremely good right now. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t tell me what to do, ass,” she offered, noting his shocked look in response. “I was just trying to counter your love with something equally fitting.”

“Fine,” he murmured trying to pretend not to feel dejected. “Three cards.”

She took them and again studied them closely. Meanwhile the rest of the group had gathered around, no doubt sensing this was their last hand and everyone could finally go home. 

“Okay, how about we stop beating around the bush and I just bet everything I have,” she said pushing it all into the middle. 

“You’re bluffing,” he blurted out, knowing it was impossible she had a hand to beat his flush. 

“I guess you’ll have to bet to find out,” she smiled. All he wanted to do was kiss it off her face and that was just for starters. He shook his head reminding himself that he needed to relax. 

“Call,” she said, her expression serious. They held each other’s gaze for a prolonged period, Klaus telling himself it was to try and read the poker signs but that wasn’t it at all. He suddenly realised that he could stare at her for hours and never tire. 

Not just hours, forever maybe.  

He cleared his throat knowing that everyone was now watching in anticipation. 

“Straight flush,” he grinned proudly, laying it out on the table. She gave it a brief look before placing hers next to his. 

“All red.” Given it was a ten, Jack, Queen, King and Ace of diamonds, also known as a royal flush, she was clearly being facetious. 

“You played me, Forbes.” He finally uttered amongst the cheers and Rebekah’s insistence that she must have had a winning hand all along. 

She pulled the chips towards her happily choosing not to respond immediately. His eyes were still trained on her though, desperate for some kind of response.

“And you underestimated me, Mikaelson,” she murmured. 

Yes. Maybe he had underestimated her and everything else.

TBC - Next part will be up tomorrow PM..there’s a chance encounter in the middle of the night, a rehearsal dinner and a slight wedding mishap before the big day. But let me know what you think so far : ) 

Follow on AO3 HERE

[acecademia]

hi! I graduated may 2020 with a degree in political science and since then have been working at a preschool. In the long run though I'm not sure what career path I want to follow. Just this week I've started to realize that working as a librarian seems super fulfilling and might fit my interests and skills. So I'm wondering if you have any advice on what I should take into account at the start of this path...I know I'll probably have to go to grad school, but what else should I know? thx!

Hi lovely!

Librarianship is definitely an exciting field! Congrats on taking the first step toward learning more about it 🥰 To work as a librarian in the US, 99% of the time you are required to have a master's degree in library (and information) science from a program that is accredited by the American Library Association. There are programs in the US, Canada, and Puerto Rico, though not every state in the US has a school with an accredited program. You can find a searchable database of these programs (and a pdf list) here. Different programs have different requirements (such as the GRE, statements of purpose, additional essays, etc.), so also keep that in mind.

More specific info/advice under the cut!

I'd recommend getting some library experience first before applying to a program. It'll let you kind of feel out the field and see if it's a good fit. Whether that's volunteering at a public library or getting a side gig as a library page or even working as full-time library staff in a non-librarian role, you'll be able to get a behind-the-scenes sneak peek of what being a librarian really entails without the commitment of grad school. Personally, I was incredibly Extra in high school and racked up over 450 (probably closer to 500) volunteer hours with my local public library. I then did some more library volunteer work between undergrad and grad school, and my supervisor gave me some additional guidance and tasks because she knew my plans for grad school. That was really helpful for me in figuring out whether I was actually interested in librarianship as a career and what kind of librarianship I enjoyed. Obviously, covid would make this more difficult, and I don't really have good advice for dealing with that :/

Another secret benefit of getting that library experience: it's invaluable if the program you attend has graduate assistantships you have to apply to. Assistantships are part-time jobs working for the university you're attending that generally come with a tuition waiver. In other words, you work for the university, and you don't have to pay tuition (or you pay reduced tuition if you're going out of state in some cases). The program I went to required you to apply for assistantship positions, and not everyone was able to get one. In fact, most of my friends were never able to secure one. I lucked into mine, though it wasn't library-related. All of the library-related positions went to people who already had library experience and don't get me started on that whole mess. It was a bunch of bullshit.

I'd also recommend talking to a librarian or two. If you have a librarian in your life, great. If not, most public librarians are more than happy to talk to you about the profession. You can also email an academic librarian (I recommend checking out the contact or directory page of your alma mater's library) if that's more your area of interest. Most of the time, they'll be down to chat as well. If you've already got a school in mind for your library degree (or you find one in the database), check out their website for contact info for academic advisors for the program. You can always email them as an interested student and see if they can put you in touch with alums who work in the kind of library you're interested in.

If you don't know what kind of library you'd like to work in, that's also fine! A lot of people in my program either didn't know either or ended up changing their minds. And some people weren't able to immediately find a job in their preferred area and are working in a different kind of library. If you want to use your polysci degree, there are a million different options, such as being a subject specialist in an academic library. So you'd be the go-to resource for polysci students and scholars in a university library. You could also easily go the archives route and work in government archives. If you like kids, there's always the children's librarian route or the K-12/school librarian route. School librarians usually require a teaching certification, which some MLIS programs offer with an additional semester or so of classes/student teaching (though sometimes that's an additional application, so watch out for that if you're interested in pursuing it!).

I'd also advise you that librarianship is a job that you do because you love it. You're never going to become rich by being a librarian, and if you can't get funding to pay for your degree, the salary you'll make is not going to help you pay off any loans very quickly. It's dumb and frustrating, but the upside is that, if you do take out loans, depending on the kind of library you work in, you should qualify for the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program. Either way, funding is definitely something to consider when you're looking at programs. I went out of state for my degree, and while I don't regret it for a moment, if I hadn't managed to luck my way into a tuition waiver, I don't even want to think about how much debt I'd be in.

I hope this helped! I'm also totally down to chat more or give additional advice if you'd like! 💜💜💜

[oikawaplssteponme]

Good day, afternoon or night! May I request a matchup, boy preference for Haikyuu please?

I am Mexican-American, fluent in both Spanish. My pronouns are she/her . I'm 5'2, pale, with natural rosy cheeks. Plain dark brown hair and eyes. I am an INFJ and Pisces.

Most of the time, I'm anti-social. I'll only talk if necessary to work on a school project or if my friends are uncomfortable speaking. I am the "mom" friend of the group, always looking out for everyone's health. I guess I'm kind because people say I'm genuinely nice and always helping out. I try to give realistic advice, even though I'm pessimistic. I can get moody pretty easily and end up snapping at people. My humor is cheesy puns, word play and sarcasm.

I'm also a dancer! My favorite style is ballet, but jazz is a close second. I like reading any genre, mostly fiction or action filled. I enjoy walking my dog with my family. In general I enjoy hiking and being surrounded by nature. I like having deep conversations with those I love.

I hate procrastination, if I don't get something done it'll bother me for the rest of the day. I dislike anyone who oppresses minorities. Anything unhygienic is a no-no, I like organization and cleanliness. I hate speaking in public and going to events by myself because I feel like everyone is judging me.

I hope you are doing well and that you have a lovely week! Ps. Your blog aesthetic is really beautiful 💗

Your Haikyuu Matchup is with...

Kuroo Tetsurou!

~

relationship hc’s

• you and Kuroo are a dynamic duo

• he enjoys being able to look after you, since you put a lot of you energy into helping others

• your genuine kindness, even without you realizing it, was something he always admired

• he is an absolute SUCKER for your humor

• Kuroo needs someone to make him laugh and your silly puns and word play would certainly do the trick

• he’s totally fine with not going out for dates

• if he knows that you don’t feel like being social for the night, it’s not a problem

• staying in and enjoying each other’s company is something he would never take for granted

• it’s easy to talk to him, making communication between you two golden

• whether it’s on the spot or at 2am, you know he will listen

• during one of those late night deep conversations was when he actually admitted that he loves you

• he promised that it wasn’t just his lack of sleep talking, he really does love you

• Kuroo wouldn’t miss a single dance competition

• whether it’s a recital, a competition, or just an open practice, he will be there front row cheering you on

• nothing makes Kuroo happier than when he sees you in the crowd of his volleyball games too, because he knows large crowds aren’t some you really enjoy

• also, he would ask you to teach him Spanish

• like if the two of you are shopping he will point out random things in Spanish from the little vocabulary he remembers

• he enjoys taking you sunset hiking

• standing on a cliff while overlooking the natural scenery before you after you just conquered that trail

• his arm around you, keeping you close

• he savors these silent moments with you, breathing in your presence and breathing out any worries

• also your study dates??

• never have two people worked harder

• you and Kuroo can crank away at your work while still keeping each other smiling

• he also absolutely adores your rosy cheeks

• he loves it even more when he can make you blush too

• without realizing it, he’ll find himself playing with your hair when you’re with him

• in terms of zodiacs, you are two emotional and passionate signs

• the two of you will make your feelings for each other known

• Kuroo just wants to be the best guy for you and he works for that everyday

~

hello love! first off, you sound like such a cool person ! (also we are like crazy similar😳) and thank you! i hope you liked it 💕!

[santaclausdeadindian]

Sorry for doing it this way, I think OP deleted their post or blocked me like a mature, balanced person would, so I have to tag you in

@mr-laugh

Oh boy, lot to unpack here.

So you didn’t even know there were that many subgenres of fantasy, one of the most popular classifications of fiction on the planet... And you think you know enough to tell ANYBODY what classic fantasy is?

And where exactly I attempted to do that, huh?

If you don’t even know the most common subgenres of this vast pool of fiction, why are you jumping into this discussion? You just admitted you don’t know anything!

There is no discussion, there is a stupid ass post. Don't flatter yourself, you don't know jack shit.

Me not knowing what exactly are the precize subgenres of a genre of literature, which, btw, are completely arbitrary and for your information, sword&magic is a legitimate category, has absolutely nothing to do with what that post you were so keen on agreeing with above. It was you who said pretty much any classic fantasy is like that: some poorly written, self-indulgent and borderline racist.

Did ya read the link, buddy? Howard talked about knowing what burning black man smelled like. He was quite approving of these things! And the books are pretty racist, it’s not hard to see, unless you ain’t looking.

Yes, I started reading and by the end of the first paragraph I was convinced he was ahorribly racist man. And? Still doesn't change the fact, that for my 12 year old self, there was nothing racist about it. I definetly wasn't looking for it, that much you got right. If I'd read it again, I'm sure I'd catch on to it now, that I know what kind of asshole he was. So the implied racism would be there. You got a point for that.

Rugged individualism? It always amuses me how that argument always pops out of the mouths of guys who are aping what they’ve heard their buddies say. If ten thousand mouths shout “rugged individualism”, how individualistic are they?

Then you should amuse yourself by looking up why this thing crops up as of late. It's coming from certain, supremely racist yet unaware of it publications that claim ridiculous shit like "rugged individualism" is a hallmark of white supremacy, among other, equally laughable things, like punctuality. It's a joke.

Again, I will give Howard to you, if someone that racist writes a black man saving the hero of the story, I bet there was something else still there to make it wrong.

Conan’s not some avatar of rugged individualism.

Uhm, yeah, he pretty much all that.

He’s as unreal and unrealistic as the dragons are,

It's called fantasy for a reason, buddy.

but more dangerous because White Men model their ideas of reality on Big Man Heroes like him;

Glad you are totally not racist, yo!!! It's such a relief that White Men are the only ones with this terrible behavior of looking up to larger than life, mythic superpeople and nobody else. Imagine what it would be like, if we would have some asshole from say, hindu indian literature massacering demons called Rakshassas, by the tens of thousands, or some bullshit japanese warlord would snatch out arrows from the air, or a chienese bodyguard would mow down hundreds of barbaric huns without dropping a sweat, or some middle eastern hero would fight literal gods and their magical beasts in some quest for eternal life.

it's a poison that weakens us, distracting us from actually trying to solve the world’s issues, or banding together to deal with shit.

This is what you just said. It's up to the white man, to get their shit together, be not racist and solve the world's problems, because those poor other people's just can't do it. If we would just not be oh, so racist, then China would surely stop with the genocides they are doing now, or blowing more than half the greenhouse emissions into the athmosphere, the muslims would stop throwing their gays from rooftops or ramming trucks into crowds and would just start treating women as equals, India's massive rape problem would be gone, subsaharan African would be magically bereft of the host of atrocities committed there on a daily, yeah, you sure have that nonracism down, buddy!

A rugged individualist would be smart enough to realize that even the most individualistic person needs others; no man’s an island, and a loner is easier to kill.

Individualism doesn't mean at all what you think it means, it's a cluster of widely differeing philosophies that puts the individual ahead of the group or state, it's ranging from anarchism to liberalism and is also has nothing to do with my point.

Central Europe?  What, Germany?  Because let me tell you, historically they are SUPER concerned about race!

Germany traditionally considered western european, central europe would be the people stuck between them and the russians, to put it very loosely. We are equally nonplussed by the self-flagellating white guilt complex and the woe me victim complex of the west. We did none of the shit those meanie white people did to the nonwhites and suffered everyting any poc ever did and then some. We don't give a shit about your color, we care about what culture you are from and if you respect our values.

I’m an American from a former Confederate state; trust me, race is everything.  It always is.

No it really isn't. How old are you? Asking without condescension, genuinly curious, because if you are in your low twenties at most, it's understandable why you think like this.

See that hike? Do you know what happened at that time that made virtually all american media suddenly go all in with racism?

Occupy Wall Street, that's what. It's a brilliant way to sow victimhood and hate and desperation amongst the people who have one common enemy, the powers that be, the banking sector, the politicians, the megacorporations.

Can't really blame you if you are in your early 20's at most, you grew up with this bullshit hammered into you. If you are older, step out of your echochamber please!

If you actually believe, that mankind doesn't progress naturally towards a more accepting society purely on the merit of there being more good people than bad and sharing a similar living with all the hardships in life, seeing that our prejudices inherited by our parents are baseless, that's how we progress, not virtue signalling courses and regressive policies. I was raised as any other kid, I had a deep resentment towards the neighbouring nations, I said vile, racist shit against people who I actually share a lot of genes with, of which fact I was in deep denial about, and then as I gradually got exposed more and more actual people of these groups, I started to realize I was wrong and everybody should be judged by their individual merits. It works throughout the generations, my grandma was thought songs about Hitler and how all jews are evil in school, she legit thought all black people at least in Africa are cannibals and shit, my mother stillsays shit that would get her cancelled in the USA, and I will probably have a mixed race kid as we stand now.

This whole racism is an eternal problem is laughable and disingenuous and I am actually sorry for you that you feel like that.

Moving on. As for Dany, the “noble white girl sold to scary dark foreign man” is a very popular trope, especially in exploitation films, which Martin draws on much more heavily than most authors do.

No, he fucking doesn't. I already wrote a bunch of examples from the books you seeminly ignore willfully. First of all, she is sold to those olive skinned savages by a white man, who is a terrible, increadibly evil man. He want's to fuck the then 11-12 ish Dany so bad, she picks his slave most resembling her and rapes her repeatedly, "until the madness pass." He also maimes children and traines them as disposable slave spies by the hundreds. There is no boundaries colour here, GRRM prtrays all kinds of people as reprehensible, evil and disgusting. Just like you can find plenty of examples to the opposite.

What is he drawing from your exploitation movies exactly? He writes about the human anture, he writes about the human heart at war with itself, that's his central philosophy of writing.

ASOFAI is basically just a porn movie with complicated feudal politics obscuring it, which is probably why it worked so well as an HBO series (up until the last two seasons or so.)

There is no gratuitous sex scene in the books, the rapes are described as rapes, they are horrible, they are very shortly described and usually just alluded to.

The people commiting them are not put into generous lights and one of the single most harrowing stories hidden behind the grand happenings of the plot is a girl named Jeyne Poole, whose suffering although never shown, is very much pointed out, along with the hypocrisy of the people who only fight to try and save her, because they think her a different person.

Honestly, if you actually read the books and they came of to you as porn, you might want to do some soulsearching.Btw, the HBO series was a terrible adaptation, it immedietly started to go further and further from the books with every passing season and the showmakers made it very clear to everybody, that they didn't understand the very much pacifist and humanist themes of Martin. And neither did you.

We also get no indication Essos will eat it when Winter comes; hell, they seem to not know Winter exists, given the way people act, even though that is also unrealistic and weird.  Essos was just super badly designed, and Dany is a terribly boring character.

to be continued

[silent-era-of-cinema]

Clara Gordon Bow (July 29, 1905 – September 27, 1965) was an American actress who rose to stardom in silent film during the 1920s and successfully made the transition to "talkies" in 1929. Her appearance as a plucky shopgirl in the film It brought her global fame and the nickname "The It Girl". Bow came to personify the Roaring Twenties and is described as its leading sex symbol.

Bow appeared in 46 silent films and 11 talkies, including hits such as Mantrap (1926), It (1927), and Wings (1927). She was named first box-office draw in 1928 and 1929 and second box-office draw in 1927 and 1930. Her presence in a motion picture was said to have ensured investors, by odds of almost two-to-one, a "safe return". At the apex of her stardom, she received more than 45,000 fan letters in a single month (January 1929).

Two years after marrying actor Rex Bell in 1931, Bow retired from acting and became a rancher in Nevada. Her final film, Hoop-La, was released in 1933. In September 1965, Bow died of a heart attack at the age of 60.

Bow was born in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn at 697 Bergen Street,[9] in a "bleak, sparsely furnished room above [a] dilapidated Baptist Church". Her birth year, according to the US Censuses of 1910 and 1920, was 1905. The 1930 census indicates 1906 and on her gravestone of 1965, the inscription says 1907, but 1905 is the accepted year by a majority of sources.

Bow was her parents' third child, but her two older sisters, born in 1903 and 1904, had died in infancy. Her mother, Sarah Frances Bow (née Gordon, 1880–1923), was told by a doctor not to become pregnant again, for fear the next baby might die as well. Despite the warning, Sarah became pregnant with Clara in late 1904. In addition to the risky pregnancy, a heat wave besieged New York in July 1905, and temperatures peaked around 100 °F (38 °C). Years later, Clara said: "I don't suppose two people ever looked death in the face more clearly than my mother and I the morning I was born. We were both given up, but somehow we struggled back to life."

Bow's parents were descended from English, Irish and Scottish immigrants who had come to America the generation before. Bow said that her father, Robert Walter Bow (1874–1959), "had a quick, keen mind ... all the natural qualifications to make something of himself, but didn't...everything seemed to go wrong for him, poor darling". By the time Clara was four and a half, her father was out of work, and between 1905 and 1923, the family lived at 14 different addresses, but seldom outside Prospect Heights, with Clara's father often absent. "I do not think my mother ever loved my father", she said. "He knew it. And it made him very unhappy, for he worshiped her, always."

When Bow's mother, Sarah, was 16, she fell from a second-story window and suffered a severe head injury. She was later diagnosed with "psychosis due to epilepsy". From her earliest years, Bow had learned how to care for her mother during the seizures, as well as how to deal with her psychotic and hostile episodes. She said her mother could be "mean" to her, but "didn't mean to ... she couldn't help it". Still, Bow felt deprived of her childhood; "As a kid I took care of my mother, she didn't take care of me". Sarah worsened gradually, and when she realized her daughter was set for a movie career, Bow's mother told her she "would be much better off dead". One night in February 1922, Bow awoke to a butcher knife held against her throat by her mother. Clara was able to fend off the attack, and locked her mother up. In the morning, Bow's mother had no recollection of the episode, and later she was committed to a sanatorium by Robert Bow.

Clara spoke about the incident later:

It was snowing. My mother and I were cold and hungry. We had been cold and hungry for days. We lay in each other's arms and cried and tried to keep warm. It grew worse and worse. So that night my mother—but I can't tell you about it. Only when I remember it, it seems to me I can't live.

According to Bow's biographer, David Stenn, Bow was raped by her father at age sixteen while her mother was institutionalized. On January 5, 1923, Sarah died at the age of 43 from her epilepsy. When relatives gathered for the funeral, Bow accused them of being "hypocrites", and became so angry that she even tried to jump into the grave.

Bow attended P.S. 111, P.S. 9, and P.S. 98.[13] As she grew up, she felt shy among other girls, who teased her for her worn-out clothes and "carrot-top" hair. She said about her childhood, "I never had any clothes. ... And lots of time didn't have anything to eat. We just lived, that's about all. Girls shunned me because I was so poorly dressed."

From first grade, Bow preferred the company of boys, stating, "I could lick any boy my size. My right arm was quite famous. My right arm was developed from pitching so much ... Once I hopped a ride on behind a big fire engine. I got a lot of credit from the gang for that."[15] A close friend, a younger boy who lived in her building, burned to death in her presence after an accident. In 1919, Bow enrolled in Bay Ridge High School for Girls. "I wore sweaters and old skirts...didn't want to be treated like a girl...there was one boy who had always been my pal... he kissed me... I wasn't sore. I didn't get indignant. I was horrified and hurt."

Bow's interest in sports and her physical abilities led her to plan for a career as an athletics instructor. She won five medals "at the cinder tracks" and credited her cousin Homer Baker – the national half-mile (c.800 m) champion (1913 and 1914) and 660-yard (c. 600 m) world-record holder – for being her trainer. The Bows and Bakers shared a house – still standing – at 33 Prospect Place in 1920.

In the early 1920s, roughly 50 million Americans—half the population at that time—attended the movies every week. As Bow grew into womanhood, her stature as a "boy" in her old gang became "impossible". She did not have any girlfriends, and school was a "heartache" and her home was "miserable." On the silver screen, however, she found consolation; "For the first time in my life I knew there was beauty in the world. For the first time I saw distant lands, serene, lovely homes, romance, nobility, glamor". And further; "I always had a queer feeling about actors and actresses on the screen ... I knew I would have done it differently. I couldn't analyze it, but I could always feel it.". "I'd go home and be a one girl circus, taking the parts of everyone I'd seen, living them before the glass." At 16, Bow says she "knew" she wanted to be a motion pictures actress, even if she was a "square, awkward, funny-faced kid."

Against her mother's wishes but with her father's support, Bow competed in Brewster publications' magazine's annual nationwide acting contest, "Fame and Fortune", in fall 1921. In previous years, other contest winners had found work in the movies. In the contest's final screen test, Bow was up against an already scene-experienced woman who did "a beautiful piece of acting". A set member later stated that when Bow did the scene, she actually became her character and "lived it". In the January issues 1922 of Motion Picture Classics, the contest jury, Howard Chandler Christy, Neysa McMein, and Harrison Fisher, concluded:

She is very young, only 16. But she is full of confidence, determination and ambition. She is endowed with a mentality far beyond her years. She has a genuine spark of divine fire. The five different screen tests she had, showed this very plainly, her emotional range of expression provoking a fine enthusiasm from every contest judge who saw the tests. She screens perfectly. Her personal appearance is almost enough to carry her to success without the aid of the brains she indubitably possesses.

Bow won an evening gown and a silver trophy, and the publisher committed to help her "gain a role in films", but nothing happened. Bow's father told her to "haunt" Brewster's office (located in Brooklyn) until they came up with something. "To get rid of me, or maybe they really meant to (give me) all the time and were just busy", Bow was introduced to director Christy Cabanne, who cast her in Beyond the Rainbow, produced late 1921 in New York City and released February 19, 1922. Bow did five scenes and impressed Cabanne with true theatrical tears, but was cut from the final print. "I was sick to my stomach," she recalled and thought her mother was right about the movie business.

Bow, who dropped out of school (senior year) after she was notified about winning the contest, possibly in October 1921, got an ordinary office job. However, movie ads and newspaper editorial comments from 1922 to 1923 suggest that Bow was not cut from Beyond the Rainbow. Her name is on the cast list among the other stars, usually tagged "Brewster magazine beauty contest winner" and sometimes even with a picture.

Encouraged by her father, Bow continued to visit studio agencies asking for parts. "But there was always something. I was too young, or too little, or too fat. Usually I was too fat." Eventually, director Elmer Clifton needed a tomboy for his movie Down to the Sea in Ships, saw Bow in Motion Picture Classic magazine, and sent for her. In an attempt to overcome her youthful looks, Bow put her hair up and arrived in a dress she "sneaked" from her mother. Clifton said she was too old, but broke into laughter as the stammering Bow made him believe she was the girl in the magazine. Clifton decided to bring Bow with him and offered her $35 a week. Bow held out for $50 and Clifton agreed, but he could not say whether she would "fit the part". Bow later learned that one of Brewsters' subeditors had urged Clifton to give her a chance.

Down to the Sea in Ships, shot on location in New Bedford, Massachusetts and produced by independent "The Whaling Film Corporation", documented life, love, and work in the whale-hunter community. The production relied on a few less-known actors and local talents. It premiered at the Olympia Theater in New Bedford, on September 25, and went on general distribution on March 4, 1923. Bow was billed 10th in the film, but shone through:

"Miss Bow will undoubtedly gain fame as a screen comedienne".

"She scored a tremendous hit in Down to the Sea in Ships..(and).. has reached the front rank of motion picture principal players".

"With her beauty, her brains, her personality and her genuine acting ability it should not be many moons before she enjoys stardom in the fullest sense of the word. You must see 'Down to the Sea in Ships'".

"In movie parlance, she 'stole' the picture ... ".

By mid-December 1923, primarily due to her merits in Down to the Sea in Ships, Bow was chosen the most successful of the 1924 WAMPAS Baby Stars. Three months before Down to the Sea in Ships was released, Bow danced half nude, on a table, uncredited in Enemies of Women (1923). In spring she got a part in The Daring Years (1923), where she befriended actress Mary Carr, who taught her how to use make-up.

In the summer, she got a "tomboy" part in Grit, a story that dealt with juvenile crime and was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Bow met her first boyfriend, cameraman Arthur Jacobson, and she got to know director Frank Tuttle, with whom she worked in five later productions. Tuttle remembered:

Her emotions were close to the surface. She could cry on demand, opening the floodgate of tears almost as soon as I asked her to weep. She was dynamite, full of nervous energy and vitality and pitifully eager to please everyone.

Grit was released on January 7, 1924. The Variety review said "... Clara Bow lingers in the eye, long after the picture has gone."

While shooting Grit at Pyramid Studios, in Astoria, New York, Bow was approached by Jack Bachman of independent Hollywood studio Preferred Pictures. He wanted to contract her for a three-month trial, fare paid, and $50 a week. "It can't do any harm,"[15] he tried. "Why can't I stay in New York and make movies?" Bow asked her father, but he told her not to worry.

On July 21, 1923, she befriended Louella Parsons, who interviewed her for The New York Morning Telegraph. In 1931, when Bow came under tabloid scrutiny, Parsons defended her and stuck to her first opinion on Bow:

She is as refreshingly unaffected as if she had never faced a means to pretend. She hasn't any secrets from the world, she trusts everyone ... she is almost too good to be true ... (I) only wish some reformer who believes the screen contaminates all who associate with it could meet this child. Still, on second thought it might not be safe: Clara uses a dangerous pair of eyes.

The interview also revealed that Bow already was cast in Maytime and in great favor of Chinese cuisine.

On July 22, 1923, Bow left New York, her father, and her boyfriend behind for Hollywood. As chaperone for the journey and her subsequent southern California stay, the studio appointed writer/agent Maxine Alton, whom Bow later branded a liar. In late July, Bow entered studio chief B. P. Schulberg's office wearing a simple high-school uniform in which she "had won several gold medals on the cinder track". She was tested and a press release from early August says Bow had become a member of Preferred Picture's "permanent stock". Alton and she rented an apartment at The Hillview near Hollywood Boulevard. Preferred Pictures was run by Schulberg, who had started as a publicity manager at Famous Players-Lasky, but in the aftermath of the power struggle around the formation of United Artists, ended up on the losing side and lost his job. As a result, he founded Preferred in 1919, at the age of 27.

Maytime was Bow's first Hollywood picture, an adaptation of the popular operetta Maytime in which she essayed "Alice Tremaine". Before Maytime was finished, Schulberg announced that Bow was given the lead in the studio's biggest seasonal assessment, Poisoned Paradise,[51] but first she was lent to First National Pictures to co-star in the adaptation of Gertrude Atherton's 1923 best seller Black Oxen, shot in October, and to co-star with Colleen Moore in Painted People, shot in November.

Director Frank Lloyd was casting for the part of high-society flapper Janet Oglethorpe, and more than 50 women, most with previous screen experience, auditioned. Bow reminisced: "He had not found exactly what he wanted and finally somebody suggested me to him. When I came into his office a big smile came over his face and he looked just tickled to death." Lloyd told the press, "Bow is the personification of the ideal aristocratic flapper, mischievous, pretty, aggressive, quick-tempered and deeply sentimental." It was released on January 4, 1924.

The New York Times said, "The flapper, impersonated by a young actress, Clara Bow, had five speaking titles, and every one of them was so entirely in accord with the character and the mood of the scene that it drew a laugh from what, in film circles, is termed a "hard-boiled" audience", while the Los Angeles Times commented that "Clara Bow, the prize vulgarian of the lot ... was amusing and spirited ... but didn't belong in the picture", and Variety said that "... the horrid little flapper is adorably played ..."

Colleen Moore made her flapper debut in a successful adaptation of the daring novel Flaming Youth, released November 12, 1923, six weeks before Black Oxen. Both films were produced by First National Pictures, and while Black Oxen was still being edited and Flaming Youth not yet released, Bow was requested to co-star with Moore as her kid sister in Painted People (The Swamp Angel). Moore essayed the baseball-playing tomboy and Bow, according to Moore, said "I don't like my part, I wanna play yours." Moore, a well-established star earning $1200 a week—Bow got $200—took offense and blocked the director from shooting close-ups of Bow. Moore was married to the film's producer and Bow's protests were futile. "I'll get that bitch", she told her boyfriend Jacobson, who had arrived from New York. Bow had sinus problems and decided to have them attended to that very evening. With Bow's face now in bandages, the studio had no choice but to recast her part.

During 1924, Bow's "horrid" flapper raced against Moore's "whimsical". In May, Moore renewed her efforts in The Perfect Flapper, produced by her husband. However, despite good reviews, she suddenly withdrew. "No more flappers ... they have served their purpose ... people are tired of soda-pop love affairs", she told the Los Angeles Times, which had commented a month earlier, "Clara Bow is the one outstanding type. She has almost immediately been elected for all the recent flapper parts". In November 1933, looking back to this period of her career, Bow described the atmosphere in Hollywood as like a scene from a movie about the French Revolution, where "women are hollering and waving pitchforks twice as violently as any of the guys ... the only ladies in sight are the ones getting their heads cut off."

By New Year 1924, Bow defied the possessive Maxine Alton and brought her father to Hollywood. Bow remembered their reunion: "I didn't care a rap, for (Maxine Alton), or B. P. Schulberg, or my motion picture career, or Clara Bow, I just threw myself into his arms and kissed and kissed him, and we both cried like a couple of fool kids. Oh, it was wonderful." Bow felt Alton had misused her trust: "She wanted to keep a hold on me so she made me think I wasn't getting over and that nothing but her clever management kept me going." Bow and her father moved in at 1714 North Kingsley Drive in Hollywood, together with Jacobson, who by then also worked for Preferred. When Schulberg learned of this arrangement, he fired Jacobson for potentially getting "his big star" into a scandal. When Bow found out, "She tore up her contract and threw it in his face and told him he couldn't run her private life." Jacobson concluded, "[Clara] was the sweetest girl in the world, but you didn't cross her and you didn't do her wrong." On September 7, 1924, The Los Angeles Times, in a significant article "A dangerous little devil is Clara, impish, appealing, but oh, how she can act!", her father is titled "business manager" and Jacobson referred to as her brother.

Bow appeared in eight releases in 1924.

In Poisoned Paradise, released on February 29, 1924, Bow got her first lead. "... the clever little newcomer whose work wins fresh recommendations with every new picture in which she appears". In a scene described as "original", Bow adds "devices" to "the modern flapper": she fights a villain using her fists, and significantly, does not "shrink back in fear".

In Daughters of Pleasure, also released on February 29, 1924, Bow and Marie Prevost "flapped unhampered as flappers De luxe ... I wish somebody could star Clara Bow. I'm sure her 'infinite variety' would keep her from wearying us no matter how many scenes she was in."

Loaned out to Universal, Bow top-starred, for the first time, in the prohibition, bootleg drama/comedy Wine, released on August 20, 1924. The picture exposes the widespread liquor traffic in the upper classes, and Bow portrays an innocent girl who develops into a wild "red-hot mama".

"If not taken as information, it is cracking good entertainment," Carl Sandburg reviewed September 29.

"Don't miss Wine. It's a thoroughly refreshing draught ... there are only about five actresses who give me a real thrill on the screen—and Clara is nearly five of them".

Alma Whitaker of The Los Angeles Times observed on September 7, 1924:

She radiates sex appeal tempered with an impish sense of humor ... She hennas her blond hair so that it will photograph dark in the pictures ... Her social decorum is of that natural, good-natured, pleasantly informal kind ... She can act on or off the screen—takes a joyous delight in accepting a challenge to vamp any selected male—the more unpromising specimen the better. When the hapless victim is scared into speechlessness, she gurgles with naughty delight and tries another.

Bow remembered: "All this time I was 'running wild', I guess, in the sense of trying to have a good time ... maybe this was a good thing, because I suppose a lot of that excitement, that joy of life, got onto the screen."

In 1925, Bow appeared in 14 productions: six for her contract owner, Preferred Pictures, and eight as an "out-loan".

"Clara Bow ... shows alarming symptoms of becoming the sensation of the year ... ", Motion Picture Classic Magazine wrote in June, and featured her on the cover.

I'm almost never satisfied with myself or my work or anything...by the time I'm ready to be a great star I'll have been on the screen such a long time that everybody will be tired of seeing me...(Tears filled her big round eyes and threatened to fall).

I worked in two and even three pictures at once. I played all sorts of parts in all sorts of pictures ... It was very hard at the time and I used to be worn out and cry myself to sleep from sheer fatigue after 18 hours a day on different sets, but now [late 1927] I am glad of it.

Preferred Pictures loaned Bow to producers "for sums ranging from $1500 to $2000 a week" while paying Bow a salary of $200 to $750 a week. The studio, like any other independent studio or theater at that time, was under attack from "The Big Three", MPAA, which had formed a trust to block out Independents and enforce the monopolistic studio system. On October 21, 1925, Schulberg filed Preferred Pictures for bankruptcy, with debts at $820,774 and assets $1,420. Three days later, it was announced that Schulberg would join with Adolph Zukor to become associate producer of Paramount Pictures, "catapulted into this position because he had Clara Bow under personal contract".

Adolph Zukor, Paramount Picture CEO, wrote in his memoirs: "All the skill of directors and all the booming of press-agent drums will not make a star. Only the audiences can do it. We study audience reactions with great care." Adela Rogers St. Johns had a different take: in 1950, she wrote, "If ever a star was made by public demand, it was Clara Bow." And Louise Brooks (from 1980): "(Bow) became a star without nobody's help ..."

The Plastic Age was Bow's final effort for Preferred Pictures and her biggest hit up to that time. Bow starred as the good-bad college girl, Cynthia Day, against Donald Keith. It was shot on location at Pomona College in the summer of 1925, and released on December 15, but due to block booking, it was not shown in New York until July 21, 1926.

Photoplay was displeased: "The college atmosphere is implausible and Clara Bow is not our idea of a college girl."

Theater owners, however, were happy: "The picture is the biggest sensation we ever had in our theater ... It is 100 per cent at the box-office."

Some critics felt Bow had conquered new territory: "(Bow) presents a whimsical touch to her work that adds greater laurels to her fast ascending star of screen popularity."

Time singled out Bow: "Only the amusing and facile acting of Clara Bow rescues the picture from the limbo of the impossible."

Bow began to date her co-star Gilbert Roland, who became her first fiancé. In June 1925, Bow was credited for being the first to wear hand-painted legs in public, and was reported to have many followers at the Californian beaches.

Throughout the 1920s, Bow played with gender conventions and sexuality in her public image. Along with her tomboy and flapper roles, she starred in boxing films and posed for promotional photographs as a boxer. By appropriating traditionally androgynous or masculine traits, Bow presented herself as a confident, modern woman.

"Rehearsals sap my pep," Bow explained in November 1929, and from the beginning of her career, she relied on immediate direction: "Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it." Bow was keen on poetry and music, but according to Rogers St. Johns, her attention span did not allow her to appreciate novels. Bow's focal point was the scene, and her creativity made directors call in extra cameras to cover her spontaneous actions, rather than holding her down.

Years after Bow left Hollywood, director Victor Fleming compared Bow to a Stradivarius violin: "Touch her, and she responded with genius." Director William Wellman was less poetic: "Movie stardom isn't acting ability—it's personality and temperament ... I once directed Clara Bow (Wings). She was mad and crazy, but WHAT a personality!". And in 1981, Budd Schulberg described Bow as "an easy winner of the dumbbell award" who "couldn't act," and compared her to a puppy that his father B. P. Schulberg "trained to become Lassie."

In 1926, Bow appeared in eight releases: five for Paramount, including the film version of the musical Kid Boots with Eddie Cantor, and three loan-outs that had been filmed in 1925.

In late 1925, Bow returned to New York to co-star in the Ibsenesque drama Dancing Mothers, as the good/bad "flapperish" upper-class daughter Kittens. Alice Joyce starred as her dancing mother, with Conway Tearle as "bad-boy" Naughton. The picture was released on March 1, 1926.

"Clara Bow, known as the screen's perfect flapper, does her stuff as the child, and does it well."

"... her remarkable performance in Dancing Mothers ... ".

Louise Brooks remembered: "She was absolutely sensational in the United States ... in Dancing Mothers ... she just swept the country ... I know I saw her ... and I thought ... wonderful."

On April 12, 1926, Bow signed her first contract with Paramount: "...to retain your services as an actress for the period of six months from June 6, 1926 to December 6, 1926, at a salary of $750.00 per week...".

In Victor Fleming's comedy-triangle, Mantrap, Bow, as Alverna the manicurist, cures lonely hearts Joe Easter (Ernest Torrence), of the great northern, as well as pill-popping New York divorce attorney runaway Ralph Prescott (Percy Marmont). Bow commented: "(Alverna)...was bad in the book, but—darn it!—of course, they couldn't make her that way in the picture. So I played her as a flirt." The film was released on July 24, 1926.

Variety: "Clara Bow just walks away with the picture from the moment she walks into camera range."

Photoplay: "When she is on the screen nothing else matters. When she is off, the same is true."

Carl Sandburg: "The smartest and swiftest work as yet seen from Miss Clara Bow."

The Reel Journal: "Clara Bow is taking the place of Gloria Swanson...(and)...filling a long need for a popular taste movie actress."

On August 16, 1926, Bow's agreement with Paramount was renewed into a five-year deal: "Her salary will start at $1700 a week and advance yearly to $4000 a week for the last year."[78] Bow added that she intended to leave the motion picture business at the expiration of the contract, i.e., in 1931.

In 1927, Bow appeared in six Paramount releases: It, Children of Divorce, Rough House Rosie, Wings, Hula and Get Your Man. In the Cinderella story It, the poor shop-girl Betty Lou Spence (Bow) conquers the heart of her employer Cyrus Waltham (Antonio Moreno). The personal quality —"It"— provides the magic to make it happen. The film gave Bow her nickname, "The 'It' Girl."

The New York Times: "(Bow)...is vivacious and, as Betty Lou, saucy, which perhaps is one of the ingredients of It."

The Film Daily: "Clara Bow gets a real chance and carries it off with honors...(and)...she is really the whole show."

Carl Sandburg: "'It' is smart, funny and real. It makes a full-sized star of Clara Bow."

Variety: "You can't get away from this Clara Bow girl. She certainly has that certain 'It'...and she just runs away with the film."

Dorothy Parker is often said to have referred to Bow when she wrote, "It, hell; she had Those."[109] Parker in actuality was not referring to Bow or to Bow's character in the film It, but to a different character, Ava Cleveland, in the novel of the same name.

In 1927, Bow starred in Wings, a war picture rewritten to accommodate her, as she was Paramount's biggest star, but was not happy about her part: "[Wings is]...a man's picture and I'm just the whipped cream on top of the pie." The film went on to win the first Academy Award for Best Picture. In 1928, Bow appeared in four Paramount releases: Red Hair, Ladies of the Mob, The Fleet's In, and Three Weekends, all of which are lost.

Adela Rogers St. Johns, a noted screenwriter who had done a number of pictures with Bow, wrote about her:

There seems to be no pattern, no purpose to her life. She swings from one emotion to another, but she gains nothing, stores up nothing for the future. She lives entirely in the present, not even for today, but in the moment. Clara is the total nonconformist. What she wants she gets, if she can. What she desires to do she does. She has a big heart, a remarkable brain, and the most utter contempt for the world in general. Time doesn't exist for her, except that she thinks it will stop tomorrow. She has real courage, because she lives boldly. Who are we, after all, to say she is wrong?

Bow's bohemian lifestyle and "dreadful" manners were considered reminders of the Hollywood elite's uneasy position in high society. Bow fumed: "They yell at me to be dignified. But what are the dignified people like? The people who are held up as examples for me? They are snobs. Frightful snobs ... I'm a curiosity in Hollywood. I'm a big freak, because I'm myself!"

MGM executive Paul Bern said Bow was "the greatest emotional actress on the screen", "sentimental, simple, childish and sweet," and considered her "hard-boiled attitude" a "defense mechanism".

With "talkies" The Wild Party, Dangerous Curves, and The Saturday Night Kid, all released in 1929, Bow kept her position as the top box-office draw and queen of Hollywood.

Neither the quality of Bow's voice nor her Brooklyn accent was an issue to Bow, her fans, or Paramount. However, Bow, like Charlie Chaplin, Louise Brooks, and most other silent film stars, did not embrace the novelty: "I hate talkies ... they're stiff and limiting. You lose a lot of your cuteness, because there's no chance for action, and action is the most important thing to me." A visibly nervous Bow had to do a number of retakes in The Wild Party because her eyes kept wandering up to the microphone overhead. "I can't buck progress .. I have to do the best I can," she said. In October 1929, Bow described her nerves as "all shot", saying that she had reached "the breaking point", and Photoplay cited reports of "rows of bottles of sedatives" by her bed.

According to the 1930 census, Bow lived at 512 Bedford Drive, together with her secretary and hairdresser, Daisy DeBoe (later DeVoe), in a house valued $25,000 with neighbors titled "Horse-keeper", "Physician", "Builder". Bow stated she was 23 years old, i.e., born 1906, contradicting the censuses of 1910 and 1920.

"Now they're having me sing. I sort of half-sing, half-talk, with hips-and-eye stuff. You know what I mean—like Maurice Chevalier. I used to sing at home and people would say, 'Pipe down! You're terrible!' But the studio thinks my voice is great."

With Paramount on Parade, True to the Navy, Love Among the Millionaires, and Her Wedding Night, Bow was second at the box-office only to Joan Crawford in 1930. With No Limit and Kick In, Bow held the position as fifth at box-office in 1931, but the pressures of fame, public scandals, overwork, and a damaging court trial charging her secretary Daisy DeVoe with financial mismanagement, took their toll on Bow's fragile emotional health. As she slipped closer to a major breakdown, her manager, B.P. Schulberg, began referring to her as "Crisis-a-day-Clara". In April, Bow was brought to a sanatorium, and at her request, Paramount released her from her final undertaking: City Streets (1931). At 25, her career was essentially over.

B.P. Schulberg tried to replace Bow with his girlfriend Sylvia Sidney, but Paramount went into receivership, lost its position as the biggest studio (to MGM), and fired Schulberg. David Selznick explained:

...[when] Bow was at her height in pictures we could make a story with her in it and gross a million and a half, where another actress would gross half a million in the same picture and with the same cast.

Bow left Hollywood for Rex Bell's ranch in Nevada, her "desert paradise", in June[120] and married him in then small-town Las Vegas in December. In an interview on December 17, Bow detailed her way back to health: sleep, exercise, and food, and the day after[122] she returned to Hollywood "for the sole purpose of making enough money to be able to stay out of it."

Soon, every studio in Hollywood (except Paramount) and even overseas wanted her services. Mary Pickford stated that Bow "was a very great actress" and wanted her to play her sister in Secrets (1933), Howard Hughes offered her a three-picture deal, and MGM wanted her to star in Red-Headed Woman (1932). Bow agreed to the script, but eventually rejected the offer since Irving Thalberg required her to sign a long-term contract.

On April 28, 1932, Bow signed a two-picture deal with Fox Film Corporation, for Call Her Savage (1932) and Hoop-La (1933). Both were successful; Variety favored the latter. The October 1934, Family Circle Film Guide rated the film as "pretty good entertainment", and of Miss Bow said: "This is the most acceptable bit of talkie acting Miss Bow has done." However, they noted, "Miss Bow is presented in her dancing duds as often as possible, and her dancing duds wouldn't weigh two pounds soaking wet." Bow commented on her revealing costume in Hoop-La: "Rex accused me of enjoying showing myself off. Then I got a little sore. He knew darn well I was doing it because we could use a little money these days. Who can't?"

Bow reflected on her career:

My life in Hollywood contained plenty of uproar. I'm sorry for a lot of it but not awfully sorry. I never did anything to hurt anyone else. I made a place for myself on the screen and you can't do that by being Mrs. Alcott's idea of a Little Woman.

Bow and actor Rex Bell (later a lieutenant governor of Nevada) had two sons, Tony Beldam (born 1934, changed name to Rex Anthony Bell, Jr., died July 8, 2011) and George Beldam, Jr. (born 1938). Bow retired from acting in 1933. In September 1937, she and Bell opened The 'It' Cafe in the Hollywood Plaza Hotel at 1637 N Vine Street near Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles. It closed in 1943. Her last public performance, albeit fleeting, came in 1947 on the radio show Truth or Consequences. Bow was the mystery voice in the show's "Mrs. Hush" contest.

Bow eventually began showing symptoms of psychiatric illness. She became socially withdrawn, and although she refused to socialize with her husband, she also refused to let him leave the house alone. In 1944, while Bell was running for the U.S. House of Representatives, Bow tried to commit suicide. A note was found in which Bow stated she preferred death to a public life.

In 1949, she checked into the Institute of Living to be treated for her chronic insomnia and diffuse abdominal pains. Shock treatment was tried and numerous psychological tests performed. Bow's IQ was measured "bright normal", while others claimed she was unable to reason, had poor judgment and displayed inappropriate or even bizarre behavior. Her pains were considered delusional and she was diagnosed with schizophrenia; however, she experienced neither auditory nor visual hallucinations. Analysts tied the onset of the illness, as well as her insomnia, to the "butcher knife episode" back in 1922, but Bow rejected psychological explanations and left the Institute. She did not return to her family. After leaving the institution, Bow lived alone in a bungalow, which she rarely left, until her death.

Bow spent her last years in Culver City, under the constant care of a nurse, Estalla Smith, living off an estate worth about $500,000 at the time of her death. In 1965, at age 60, she died of a heart attack, which was attributed to atherosclerosis discovered in an autopsy. She was interred in the Freedom Mausoleum, Sanctuary of Heritage at Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, California. Her pallbearers were Harry Richman, Richard Arlen, Jack Oakie, Maxie Rosenbloom, Jack Dempsey, and Buddy Rogers.

[rydiin]

PT. 2 If it's important that we don't stereotype mentally ill people and make sure that we address the 'triggers' that set off this concerning behaviour, then why did the school not take further action into finding out what the 'triggers' were for these incidents before they documented them? This book fails to explain why he was acting like this. People will see him as nothing more than a 'kid from hell' which is the most damaging example to someone with mental illness.

2/2

(Yo this is legit the LONGEST response I’ve ever given but I blame you for making so many interesting points 😆)

Before I start I’ll say that I just responded to an ask (possibly also sent by you, no idea) where the asker seemed to hold beliefs of NC being primarily a victim. I’d appreciate if you read through my response because I’ll leave some things out in this, assuming you’d read that one as well 🙂 Also, I leave personal feelings aside when it comes to disagreements so I’m hoping you do the same and that my tone and/or conviction on these issues doesn’t offend ❤️

First, I really love what you brought up in this specifically about environments. I think the issue of environment and behavior is very important when we examine the root of behavior. I don’t think it’s extremely relevant to this case in the grand scheme of things, but definitely plays a role!!

I just wanted to make a few things clear first.

Your words: “They got his education records to prove a hollywood story that he was a 'crazy, evil kid' who CONTINUOUSLY exhibited violent behaviour...”

Andrew and Max are obviously NOT trying to create some Hollywood story out of NC, to make him look like a villain even though in reality he was an innocent angel. In fact, you saying this PROVES THEIR POINT 😭 The stories and comments they share from NC’s educational records make people sit there like, “No. F*cking. Way. There is no way in hell this kid was THAT bad and no one did a damn thing. This is clearly made up.” Now just remind yourself of the fact that they got all of this info from his official educational documents. These documents are not fabricated. Obviously a lot of this is made of first-hand witness statements but it would literally take the whole school working together to *fabricate* each of these statements and incidents, only so they could hide it from the public? Like what are the odds of page after page of statements from teachers and students, nearly ALL leaning the same way: NC acting up, inappropriately, violently, and yet none of those things being true?? I’d hate to think that anyone is that desperate to make NC a victim in this case that they’d disregard his whole educational record.

Your words: “This book fails to explain why he was acting like this.”

I agree- this book does not focus on the root of why NC is the way he is. They don’t go into the fact that his biological mother likely abused many substances while he was in the womb, the link between things such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and violent/delinquent behavior- not to mention developmental delays which are also very common in children whose mothers used crack while pregnant, along with behavioral disorders. They didn’t go in depth on the fact that NC was raised for the most part without a father in the home, which is the number ONE predictor of violent behavior in men. They didn’t talk about his developmental delays and how those likely weren’t dealt with properly, how emotional regulation was something he needed extra attention on and yet didn’t seem to get any. But the thing is- this book was made for this reason: to expose the corrupt leadership of Broward, specifically the school district. Broward has been a leading district for the whole nation since Obama, and Andrew and Max know that if they don’t go un-checked, more violence will come. The reason he ONLY focused on NC’s educational record is because this book had no concern over NC’s personal life, home life, work life, etc. This was solely about how NC behaved at school, and how this was dealt with by administrators.

Your words: “It's Pollack, Max and the school district who are stereotyping mental illness. I'm helping to show that Cruz's character is not black and white; what he was like in school isn't what he was like in all environments.”

They don’t CARE what he was like in any other environment. This book is about how NC acted in school, and how the school reacted to NC. This book is not about the corrupt leadership of Lynda Cr*z, otherwise they would’ve wrote all about his behavior at home. This book is not about the corrupt leadership of Dollar Tree, otherwise they would’ve wrote all about his behavior at work. This book is about the corrupt leadership of the Broward County School District, which is why they wrote about all his behavior at school! This is not called black and white- this is focusing on a certain topic and staying within that topic, not branching off into areas that your book isn’t even dealing with. Huge difference.

I think many are trying to make this book about NC, when in the grand scheme of things, it has nothing to even do with him as an individual. This has to do with the lenient policies that could have allowed ANY student to do what NC did, not just him.

Your words: “People will see him as nothing more than a 'kid from hell' which is the most damaging example to someone with mental illness.”

I’ll be honest. This statement rubs me the wrong way 😣 The fact that your concern, as far as I can see, is going toward the man who k*lled 17 innocent people..you seem to be more worried about how he’ll be perceived than all the lives that can potentially be saved if schools will actually read this book and see that these lenient policies are to blame for bullying, criminal behavior, injuries, and even deaths. Andrew Pollack isn’t concerned with making sure his daughter’s k*ller maintains a good reputation and is seen as a redeemable young man. He’s concerned with making sure the people who allowed NC to slip through the cracks are actually held responsible. (And just so you know, all of these red flags NC exhibited in his educational documents do NOT make him come off as a “kid from Hell”..another reason why Im going back to your understanding of mental health. If you honestly think alll of the American people will read this book and dismiss it as, “oh, demon child”....I hope you realize that the majority of people will read the book and be like “wow..this kid had severe issues..if only he had gotten the help he needed rather than his issues being ignored”. They may call him evil or even a monster, but the majority will admit that he had severe mental health issues that desperately needed attention.

Even someone as stern on this topic as Andrew admits that from looking at NC’s records, he sees a boy screaming for help before he does something severe. And this is the father of NC’s victim. I’ll say it again, this isn’t black and white. Bad behavior doesn’t automatically equal: Kid From Hell with no explanation as to why he acted in these ways. You don’t see it that way, and the majority of readers won’t see it that way.

And the irony of this all: I’m assuming you want NC spared from the death penalty. I’m assuming you want him to have a future that at least offers hope, rather than death. And yet you’re chewing apart the most likely hope he has to be spared from death. Because if ANY argument will save his life during trial- it’s THIS one. It’s the fact that NC might as well have wore a sign on his shirt every day that read, “I’m going to k*ll people one day”, and yet administrators did absolutely nothing. You really think this idea that he was some big victim of bullying would ever save his life? No way in hell. The only way he’s getting out alive is if the jury can be convinced that broward county was absolutely wreckless in how they dealt with his red flags- and Andrew Pollack would be the one to lead this fight to save his life, outside of his Defense team. That’s what I find ironic. That the people who want NC to live the most are the people tearing apart the justified writings of those who offer the best defense to save the life of NC.

To get back to the great point you brought up. Yes, environmental factors can be huge when it comes to delinquent behavior! For example, NC was clearly seeking attention. He didn’t care if he got negative or positive attention, as long as the spotlight was on him. Whether that meant jumping off the school bus or yelling inappropriate comments in class. He clearly longed for the acceptance of others and wanted to be seen as part of the “in-crowd”. (Little did he know his behavior was doing the exact opposite- pushing people away). But I do think this can explain many things. For example, would he jump off the emergency exit of a bus if he were by himself? Probably not. Would he had destroyed those projects if he wasn’t insecure about getting a good grade on his? I doubt it. Alot of his actions at school were absolutely influenced by the school environment along with desires to fit in, be known/accepted, get attention, receive validation, etc.

But the argument that he ONLY acted out severely in school, as explained in my original response, is extremely dishonest....

Your words: “what he was like in school isn't what he was like in all environments.”

What on earth makes you think that this violent, impulsive, and inappropriate behavior ONLY happened at school?

He literally assaulted his own mother causing thousands of dollars in dental bills for knocking her teeth out!! He threatened his own brother with a gun over food. He threatened neighbors pets and harmed small animals, clearly not for the sake of hunting for food. He cut apart a bird in his home for goodness sake. It’s absolutely beyond me how you’re able to think that school was the only place he exhibited extremely concerning behavior 😔. How do you read accounts of how he abused and mistreated his mother and still believe school was just a “trigger” for him and that’s why he acted out there? We know from multiple witness accounts that his home was destroyed because of him...he punched holes in walls, tore the furniture apart with knives. He literally threw and broke things if he didn’t get his way. He chased his mom out of the house with a gun threatening to harm her. She escaped, absolutely terrified. It’s not like he went to school each day and magically went from innocent NC to problem child. From all accounts, his behavior seems quite consistent throughout each area of life. (Keep in mind that school was also a place where he was monitored and observed and these observations were documented. This doesn’t happen in any other environment, so it makes sense that we’d have way more accounts of this behavior at school).

I honestly could go on forever with this ask. Such as the issue of “triggers” and the fact that society has somehow convinced everyone that triggers are something that FORCE an individual to act a certain way, when in reality, something can trigger me a million times and yet *I’m still responsible for my actions*. Even if NC, in some alternate universe, was the biggest bullying victim ever..he was still responsible for his actions. The only way he’d be justified in doing physical harm is if physical harm is done against him and he responds in self defense. This post just screams of so many culturally relevant issues so I apologize for going overboard on the character count 😆 Thanks for giving your opinion in the first place. I appreciate having my mind stretched and thoughts enlightened ❤️

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

[hugh-hiab-leo]

Interview with Dr. Sy Stokes on Police Brutality

The stakeholders in police brutality could be anyone but the issue seems to affect African Americans disproportionately as long as law enforcement has existed in the United States. Protests and activism seem to raise awareness and catalyze the justice system reaction to hold assailants accountable for their actions, such is with the Officer Chauvin case. One prominent activist is Dr. Sy Stokes who Black/Chinese postdoctoral fellow for the National Center for Institutional Diversity. His primary research is focused on campus racial climate and racial equity. He graduated from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) with a BA in African American studies, earned his master's degree in higher education at the University of Pennsylvania, and completed his PhD in education at the University of Southern California (USC). He addressed many topics including Police Brutality, Defunding the Police, Anti-Asian Hate, and Respect for the Elderly. He sets up diversity meetings across the nation in Universities and Institutions and focuses on students’ response to racism on campus, and challenging history and tradition to educate the younger generation. He, along with 11 others including PhD students and faculty members, pioneered the Black Ruins Campaign in UCLA in which they directly challenged the University’s claim of being the most diverse school in the world. The data was later exposed on social media including YouTube which garnered millions of views. He talks about this in detail during the interview when we asked him what movements he has been part in. He encourages us, the youth, who often feel powerless in our social status to really use our power in social media, protests, and education. He says the youth are the best chance a movement has in changing the status quo. “Don’t be afraid to go against the grain” is what Dr. Stokes says. Police Brutality, Anti-Asian Hate, Sexism, and other forms of prejudice will always exist, however, progress must continue to move forward and that is done by activism and leading social change. 

We had a chance to interview him on May 5, 2021 at the end of the meeting between 12:00pm - 2:00pm on zoom to answer us questions pertaining police brutality.

Interview Transcript:

Our Team: What have you been involved in besides what is on your description?

Dr. Stokes: ”I along with 11 other black activists at UCLA back in 2013, created the black ruins campaign. We took the university to task about the lack of black students at UCLA, I believe it was less than 4%, now it is 4% exactly. Its been a decade and hasn’t really changed much. But the reason why we went after the University is that we understood that UCLA kept boasting that it is the most diverse University in the world, has the most undergraduate applicants of any school in the world, so on. And we understood that, above all else, the most important two things of college universities is one, reputation, and two, is money. The reason I put them in that order is because when you have reputation, it doesn't matter if you have money, you will get that money, from donors and what not. So reputation is always number one. So we destroyed the reputation of this institution and really exposed what is going on behind closed doors. We took the data that was not available to the public and but we put together ourselves , we were able to make system change, because all of the sudden, it flips the status quo on its back, and it shows the world who they really are. The whole calpain worked and we got millions of views on YouTube, but most importantly, it created these mobilization campaigns in multiple universities. Here in University of Michigan with #BBUM, one in Harvard #ITOO, Mizzoui with the Hunger Strike in 2015 that was successful, and we kept seeing within that era the student activism, students were taking their universities to task by exposing what was happening behind closed doors. That can happen in any institution, and you must evaluate what is important to your institution, and figure out a way to leverage that. You cannot get fired like you are in a job, you are a student and you have a lot more power than you realize. You just need to come as a collective, you only need a few, for me it was 11 guys, 1 faculty liaison, and 2 other staff members and PhD students, that was it.  You don’t need many people, you just need a movement with a meaning behind it, that has data behind it, and that can really convince people the power of change...”

Discretion: *Casual filler words have been taken out to have a concise transcript that addresses the relevant issue; only condensed factoid beyond this point of the interview*

Our Team:  Why do we see frequent cases of police brutality in recent years?

Dr. Stokes: “It is not that police brutality cases are drastically increasing by the years. But, use of phones to record such incidents has elucidated many cases to the media where we all can see. Police brutality is happening everywhere at all times, and the George Floyd case would not have been significant if it was not recorded. The increasing awareness of the youth to participate in organized protests and challenging the local jurisdictions to hold the aggressors [cops] accountable brings a lot of media attention that we did not get before. You cannot stop an individual cop who is corrupt or a “bad apple” but when the system under which they work in is also corrupt and is not held accountable in the face of justice, then that is when police brutality cases increase because there is no repercussion for the actions of the cops. No consequence, no care.”

Our Team: What is your stance on defunding the police?

Dr. Stokes: “US police spending ranks third among world wide military expenditures with $118 billion a year. In Portland, OR African Americans were arrested at a rate of 4.73:1 to white people for non-violent crimes. A third of the city budget is allocated to the city’s law enforcement. While the remainder is allocated towards housing, mental health services, substance abuse treatment, education funding, job training and job creation, accessible healthcare, domestic abuse and sexual assault clinics and resources, aging and disability services, youth programs, among other things. But a third of the entire budget goes to law enforcement. The state legislature is engineering the conditions of poverty which comes with inevitable crime, increased homelessness and substance abuse, the state claims they need more funding for militarized police force to control these outcomes. Defunding the police would actually make law enforcement jobs easier, if city officials allocated these funds towards resources within the community. Officers wouldn't have to be tasked to respond to every societal problem imaginable. The reason defunding the police doesn’t happen, is that the dominant power established the system as it is and made the population believe it is the best solution, so even imagining anything to better the community is seen as idealistic or radical. More cops is not going to fix deep issues that plague are communities.”

Our Team: What can we do instead (less police officers)?

Dr. Stokes: When the funding for police officers is reduced, the money can be allocated towards education, housing, rehabilitation, mental health help, and providing resources for historically marginalized communities. A decrease in crime will follow due to the reduced rate of poverty and better education. Defunding the police does not mean eradicating police completely because crime will always exist. But as it is today, unnecessary amount of police officers are employed and there is little funding for mental health professionals that could help individuals with mental issues rather than cops with guns blazing. In terms of our safety, Don’tCallThePolice.com has hotlines in every city in the United States for issues in housing, domestic abuse and sexual assault, stalking, mental health issues, crime, and substance abuse. Instead of only officers showing up, mental health professionals come first and in the case of mental health and crime with a few cops. This way the individuals participating are not taken to jail immediately, but first given help and the cops are there for last resort of violence.”

Our Team: “What advice do you have for young adults, students, and youth like ourselves who are at different levels of awareness but are seeking to make change in racial relations in our University and possibly America?

Dr. Stokes: “ I would recommend the book ‘Faces of the bottom of the Well’ that talks about racial realism in which America was built on racism and we may never see the end of racism ever. As pessimistic as it sounds, however, we cannot fold or give up. When we engage in defunding the police, or even have organized protests, they [people in power] don't want us to do that, they don’t want to see us in the street in powerful numbers, they hated seeing it last year [George Floyd protest] because they understood that we are standing against the grain. Even though we should accept racial realism, we can still push back over and over again because we know at least for the next generation, it may get better. Just like for our older generation, they understood assimilation is not the answer and they combated and resisted until we reached here. There is no perfect. But we must always pave a better path for each generation by resisting and fighting to make the world a better place in terms of public safety and freedom. 

Work Cited

Beschizza, R. (2021, April 20). U.S. policing budgets would rank as the world's third-highest military expenditure. Boing Boing. https://boingboing.net/2021/04/20/u-s-policing-budgets-would-rank-as-the-worlds-third-highest-military-expenditure.html.

Resources by city. Don't Call The Police. (2021, April 22). https://dontcallthepolice.com/.

Turner, N., & Justice, V. I. of. (2020, June 8). What Policing Costs: A Look at Spending in America's Biggest Cities. Vera Institute of Justice. https://www.vera.org/publications/what-policing-costs-in-americas-biggest-cities.