#because in this case it is literally true

[anistarrose]

enjoying a explicitly textually queer M/F ship is so rough, like. in one corner of the fandom, you get people characterizing them like the queer woman (who is attracted to men!) has inherently settled for less by getting with a man (whom she is attracted to!), and therefore she would spend the entirety of their relationship yearning to be in a Real Queer Relationship with a woman instead. obviously you hate that corner of the fandom, so you run away as fast as possible — in search of fanworks where they actually like being with each other — but on that side of the fandom, you wind up drowning in fics where the main premise is "a man and a woman show each other some form of kindness, and then every supporting character in the story tells them there was absolutely no platonic explanation for what just happened, and they're out of their fucking minds if they interpret it as an act of friendship — because, as the love interests and audience alike would be dumbasses not to know, the only true explanation for two people (in this case, a man and a woman!) actually caring about each other is of course obvious and indisputable romantic attraction." like. is anyone else tired of this. why are my only options "not really queer, therefore inferior and impermanent" and "literally just heteronormativity."

come on now. the source material literally showed you how to write queer M/F better than this. you literally have a better template. i wouldn't say queer M/F has it worse than other categories of queer relationships in fiction/fandom, not by any means, but it sure as fuck does not have it good, either! for fuck's sake, the m-spec fans, and the a-spec fans, and perhaps even especially the transhet fans deserve better than this.

[icantbelieveitsnotbutler]

How Tight is Sebastian's Collar?

When Ciel "breached" the contract by briefly giving up on revenge, the contract didn't automatically end. In fact, there was no indication that a breach had even occurred until Sebastian brought it up. If the contract doesn't automatically enforce its terms, does Ciel have to be aware that Sebastian is violating a rule and explicitly accuse him in order for the terms to be enforced?

Manga spoilers.

Despite Ciel's efforts to make them watertight, none of the contract terms are as straightforward as they might seem. The first rule, to not lie to Ciel, is immediately complicated by what Sebastian says after:

Does this mean that the contract doesn't automatically filter or check everything Sebastian says and that Ciel has to do something to enforce the rule? Does Ciel have to expose the contract mark and explicitly tell him to not lie every time he asks a question? Or is it enough to ask directly?

Maybe the contract does automatically detect/prevent lies and Sebastian's comment about the contract seal means either that as long as the contract mark is on Ciel, Sebastian won't be able to lie to him, or that Ciel will be able to sense if Sebastian is lying and then use the seal to either force the truth out of him or end the contract.

In the worst-case scenario, Sebastian's offer of three wishes in the contract scene was actually a lie and the terms and everything after are all lies. Only the initial condition (Ciel's soul in exchange for the power to take vengeance on those who caused the twin's month of suffering) was real. In that case, the answer to "how tight is Sebastian's collar?" is that it doesn't matter, because the collar isnt attached to a leash.

In the best-case scenario, the contract makes it so that Ciel would be aware if Sebastian lied to him or outright prevent him from lying, which means that Sebastian has never lied to anyone during the duration of their contract, at least up until the last time he told Ciel that he doesn't tell lies. This is because if he can't lie to Ciel, when he tells Ciel that he doesn't lie, with no qualifications, everything he has said before that is retroactively verified as not a lie.

So what was the point of limiting his required truthfulness to just Ciel? I think Toboso either decided to change the rule for plot reasons that have yet to be revealed, or the rule has always been that he can't lie to just Ciel, and he somehow managed to forget the qualification by the time they left the church.

Something to note is that this rule is not to lie, which is different from simply always telling the truth. A lie is not just false information: it must be deliberately false with the intent to deceive.

Things said to deceive are not lies, if they're technically true:

He can say things that he knows aren't true, as long as he makes sure that the other person knows he's joking/sarcastic.

He can say things that are factually wrong, as long as he believes what he's saying to be true. We see this when he tells Ciel that the dead can't be brought back to life, only to find out later that it's possible. Here's an instance where Ciel proves him wrong in a shorter time frame:

The other two rules also leave an uncomfortable amount of wiggle room for Sebastian:

The official manga translation of 絶対 (zettai) is "without question," but the word more literally means absolutely or unconditionally. Ciel ends up having to immediately add a corollary condition to this rule.

(I think "I need a break" could have been translated differently to better reflect what's happening in this scene. The verb form Ciel is using here is called the causative, which is translated as 'make' or 'let', depending on the context. It's obvious that he's only telling Sebastian to let him rest for a bit, but Sebastian, because he's spiteful, chooses to interpret it as 'make me rest for a bit.')

They establish that Sebastian only has to follow orders when Ciel says "命令だ (meireida)," literally "It's an order" but frequently translated as "I command you." However, there are situations that raise questions about how strictly Sebastian must follow these orders.

In the circus arc, Ciel explicitly orders Sebastian to go to the heraldry office AND find out the identity of the circus troup's "father."

When Sebastian was unable to leave the circus grounds, he found another way to identify the man with the signet ring. He accomplished the essence of the order, but what if Ciel specifically wanted him to go to the heraldry office because it would be the most trustworthy source of information? And then when Ciel directly asks him, Sebastian basically lies by omission.

It all works out in the end, but if Sebastian were in a less cooperative mood, he could use this sort of wiggle room to cause trouble for his master. In the next arc, Sebastian seems to disobey a direct order, but it's just another limit of the translation.

At first I thought this was evidence that an order requires intent and that the contract could somehow sense that Ciel didn't actually want Sebastian to get up. However, in the original Japanese, Ciel orders Sebastian to 起きる (okiru), which means to get up OR to wake up. Therefore, Sebastian was technically obeying the order because he was already awake.

When Ciel says "It's an order," he usually exposes the contract seal on his eye, but not always. Sebastian said that the more conspicuous the location of the contract mark, the more power Ciel has access to. I'm assuming this means Sebastian is required to follow all orders, but orders made with the mark exposed allow or force him to draw on more of his power.

Ciel usually keeps the mark covered for lower-stakes commands:

In emergencies, he takes off the eyepatch when he wants Sebastian to put everything he has into following an order.

The name "Sebastian" also seems to be tied to the contract.

Ciel uses it to summon Sebastian, without the need to say "it's an order."

In Kelvin's manor, Sebastian uses it to summon Ciel back from his panicked state.

Outside of explicitly labeled orders, Sebastian does seem to try to be obedient to his master's commands, compelled by the contract or his personal or butler aesthetics.

However, this contract term can at times conflict with the third rule and with his aesthetics, in which case he goes with whatever option he wants while still technically following a rule.

He disobeys a command (albeit not a 命令だ command) in order to protect Ciel's life.

Agni convinces him that it's okay to disobey an order to preserve his master's physical or mental well-being. This isn't because of the contract rule about protecting Ciel, which seems to only cover life-threatening threats (Sebastian has allowed Ciel to be kidnapped and beaten). He disobeys Ciel's orders (again- not a 命令だ order) and "betrays" him in order to indulge his butler aesthetics.

Ciel's orders and wishes can also conflict with eachother. In Kelvin's manor, Ciel's order to burn the children goes against what Sebastian knows to be his wishes: to complete the case assigned to him by the queen. Sebastian doesn't follow the order until Ciel makes it absolute by saying "it's an order."

When Sebastian encounters the same conundrum in the green witch arc, Ciel doesn't say "it's an order," so Sebastian chooses to follow his wish (to finish the case), rather than his spoken order (to go home).

I fear that Sebastian's collar is loose enough that he could slip it off at any moment, but he chooses not to because he's having fun playing the butler game with Ciel. Alternatively, the collar is tight, but it doesn't matter because Ciel doesn't have the strength to control the leash.

[fiercestpurpose]

So you want to go to grad school: An FAQ for people considering a humanities PhD in the US

There’s a lot of qualifiers in the title of this post and that’s because I can really only speak to the specific experience that is humanities PhDs in the US. Science PhDs are different, PhDs in Britain are different, getting a master’s is different.

I’m an English PhD student. I have friends in the comparative literature, Middle Eastern studies, religious studies, classics, history, and art history departments. My information is based on my own experiences as well as theirs but should not be taken as 100% true in all cases.

The following questions are addressed under the cut:

What does getting a PhD involve?

Where should I apply? / How should I decide where to apply?

Should I get a master’s degree first?

What does PhD funding look like?

What kind of jobs can I get with a humanities PhD?

Why should I not get a PhD?

1. What does getting a PhD involve?

Broadly speaking, there are three stages to getting a PhD:

coursework

exams

dissertation

The requirements for these will be different at each university/in each department.

Coursework means taking classes; sometimes these will be grad-only classes and sometimes they will be grad/undergrad combined classes. How many classes and which classes you’re required to take will depend on the program you’re looking at.

Additionally, many programs will have foreign language requirements. They might require that you learn German and French or they might require any three languages; it depends.

The exams are the tests you take to prove that you are ready to be a PhD candidate. These vary from school to school and department to department. (Are you sensing a theme yet?) Exams can be written (whether that’s a standard short-answer exam or a longer series of essays), oral (answering questions posed by faculty or giving a presentation), or a combination.

The dissertation is the long paper that proves you’re ready to do academic work. Typically, this is a book-length document (roughly 200 pages, but again, it depends) that presents a research project. Some departments allow students to do alternative dissertations (video projects, coding projects, creative projects), but that depends on the school and the department. Finishing and defending/presenting your dissertation is typically the last step to getting your PhD.

All requirements vary by school and department, so make sure you check what each school you’re applying to would require of you.

2. Where should I apply? / How should I decide where to apply?

The key here is FIT, not prestige.

The main thing to consider, in my opinion, is what you want to study. If you’re really into Judaism academically, you don’t want to go to a religious studies department that doesn’t have any Jewish studies scholars, even if it’s a really good department! Look at what classes are offered, what the professors are interested in, and what the current grad students are interested in. This should all be on the website.

Also, I recommend talking to your advisor in your field/the person who will be writing your recommendation letters. They probably have some knowledge of the field and what schools are good for what you want to study.

Besides that, some other things to consider:

Location — You have to live there for around five years or more, so you want to make sure it’s somewhere you can tolerate. The political climate of Florida or the literal climate of upstate New York might put you off of those places.

Department size — Small departments can be hotbeds of drama; large departments can make you feel like you’re getting lost in the shuffle. What is going to work best for you?

Vibe — What’s the grad student culture like? Do the graduate students hang out with each other outside of classes? Is it cliquey? Is it cutthroat? The best way to figure this out is to talk to some current grad students in the department.

Degrees — Does the school give you a master’s degree on your way to a PhD? This is important because you might change your mind after three years, and you want to have a master’s degree to show for those three years.

Funding — This one is less for applications and more for picking a school once you have your offers because it’s hard to know about funding ahead of time, but you can ask how funding is typically handled.

I applied to twelve places for undergrad but only five for grad school. The “safety school” logic of undergrad doesn’t really apply to PhD programs, and there’s usually not a point to applying anywhere you feel wouldn’t be a good fit. If circumstances permit, it’s better to take a year off for a job (or to stay in your current job) and apply again next year than to go somewhere that wouldn’t be a good fit.

3. Should I get a master’s degree first?

Ehhhh maybe? It depends on your circumstances.

Pros of getting a master’s first:

It makes you a more competitive candidate for PhD programs.

It’s a good way to feel out the field and get an idea of what you might want your area to be without committing to a full PhD program (which is usually at least a five-year commitment) immediately.

It can help you become more confident in your knowledge and your writing and research skills.

If you find you don’t want to continue with academia, you will still have a master’s degree, and they can be useful.

Cons:

Master’s degrees cost money (usually).

If you do two years of a master’s degree, you might still have to do two years of coursework in your PhD program, so it adds to the overall time until you have your degree.

For me, the extra time and money were really big strikes against the master’s degree, but that was based on my specific circumstances. Your circumstances may be different.

To be clear, master’s degrees don’t always cost money - it’s possible to get fellowships that cover the cost of tuition completely. But, based on what I’ve seen, master’s funding usually happens semester by semester, while PhD funding is based on a contract, so you know ahead of time how many years you’re guaranteed funding for. More about PhD funding in the next question.

4. How does PhD funding work?

It, like everything else, depends on the school and department.

Generally, funding is composed of two parts:

tuition remission — money you don’t have to pay the school for tuition

a stipend — money the school gives you, often in exchange for some labor (teaching or assisting a professor with research)

When you get accepted, you should get an offer letter outlining what your funding looks like and how many years of funding you are guaranteed. Sometimes, the school will guarantee only four or five years of funding even though they know that it takes the average student more time than that to complete their PhD. Sometimes there may be opportunities for post-contract funding (funding beyond what is guaranteed) and sometimes there aren’t.

The advice you’ll hear is that you should not pay for a PhD. You should not have to pay anything in tuition and you should not have to take out loans to cover living expenses.

How feasible this advice is in the modern day is going to depend on your field, but I think it’s a good baseline to work from. Go in with the expectation that you won’t have to pay and then moderate your ideas from there. Personally, I did have to pay for one semester of tuition.

The amount of work you’re expected to do to earn your stipend and how livable a stipend it will be are also factors that depend on where you go. Some places expect you to TA for one class a semester, some places expect you to solo teach two classes a semester, and some places give you the money in exchange for you simply continuing your studies.

The best way to find out about funding at a particular location is to talk to current grad students.

5. What kind of jobs can I get with a humanities PhD?

Great question!

PhDs train you for a very specific job: doing academic research. There are not that many jobs out there that you can get that involve doing academic research. There are, very generally, three categories of jobs:

Faculty positions

Alt-ac positions

Other positions

The ideal job that most PhD students want is a tenure-track faculty job that involves both teaching and research. There are other faculty jobs that are not tenure track, such as short-term appointments like “visiting professor” or “adjunct professor.” There are also positions that are long-term contract positions but not tenured, like teaching positions.

Alt-ac stands for alternative academic positions. This means positions that are in academia but are not teaching or research positions. This includes writing center professionals, administrative positions, and academic advisors.

Other. This is everything else, and I’m not really the best person to speak on this, as I’m not super informed. One option is consulting, as consulting firms like to recruit humanities PhDs for their problem-solving skills, but that’s a very specific option (and in my opinion, a not-very-moral one). Another option is teaching at the high school level, which of course comes with its own problems. There are also field-specific opportunities. Art history PhDs, for instance, often end up working in art museums.

The best way to find out about what your options might be professionally is to talk to people who have recently gotten their PhD in the field or to faculty members who have been keeping tabs on the recent PhD grads.

6. Why should I not get a PhD?

To be honest, you probably didn’t ask this question, but I feel obliged to answer it anyway.

I have a couple of warnings about getting a PhD. First, grad school is hard for many people. Grad school may be difficult for your mental health, especially if you rely on having a set structure, have a history of depression, or suffer from impostor syndrome. This isn’t to say that people who have depression shouldn’t go to grad school (that would be hypocritical!), but just to say that you should be aware that it might present challenges.

The second reason is more practical, and that is that academia is not particularly healthy right now. The job market isn’t good, and funding is getting cut for all disciplines. It may be hard monetarily while you are in grad school, and it may continue to be hard even after you have a PhD. The current presidential administration has definitely made this worse, but we have been seeing trends in this direction for at least twenty years.

Getting a PhD is a lot of work, it can negatively affect your mental health, and it does not guarantee you a job at the end of it. I would encourage you to talk to PhD students in your field or any young professors to get a sense of whether or not getting a PhD is right for you.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me and I will answer to the best of my ability. Or ask a grad student or professor in your field!

[mirrorofliterature]

like I just think it's bold for hay*ie shippers to act like they're fans of some. niche rarepair and that there is not a space in the fandom for them. when it is literally the most popular haymitch ship on AO3 at 2k works (compared to haydove's like, 250 - that's almost 10 fold). third largest ship overall.

like. ship and ship whatever I really don't care. but for the love of god.

stop acting like you're the small dogs here.

I see multiple new hay*ie fics posted in the HG AO3 tag each day - long ones, often with a lot of heart to them. and yet. and yet. some hay*ie shippers are so, so bitter that suzanne collins refused to make their ship canon. which is wild to me because like. a true shipper does not need canon to validate their ship. but hay*ie shippers grasp it at like straws, positioning hay*ie as this like. marginalised ship. that no one else likes.

idk I just find the self-ignorance and self-victimisation of some hay*ie shippers really annoying. and out of touch. all for a straight ship. between two characters who, in my mind, are not remotely compatible, but ymmv*

*take notes, hay*ie shippers who inevitably find this post despite my best efforts. I don't try to impose my views on other fans! now if you get out of the LD tag with your 'e**ie is the only happy ending for haymitch' in complete ignorance that the text is explicit that haymitch does find happiness in a way through his relationships with katniss and peeta, well**. that would be grand. stop insisting your worldview - that is so often amatonormative and, in some cases, lowkey racist re: the way some of you talk about LD - I'd really appreciate it.

**this is explicit in the epilogue. I personally fund this ending realistic and compelling for haymitch, but ymmv. again. different interpretations are okay but like at least have the courage to stop cloaking your non-canon takes in canon

[ducktracy]

I HAD A REALIZATION RECENTLY that was very illuminating in touching on some of my issues with how Daffy is characterized in the modern (post-60s) era: there are a few traits that remain consistent all throughout Daffy's evolution in the classics, and perhaps the most consistent of them all is his tenacity. if he has his mind set on something he is GOING FOR IT and WILL NOT STOP until he, in multiple proven cases, literally dies. whether that's heckling someone for his own enjoyment or trying to dethrone Bugs or get a quick buck or trying to mooch off of someone or ANYTHING. no matter the era he is incredibly driven and persistent, and so much of the comedy--particularly later on--comes from how much this constant sense of hyperdrive leads to his own failure. and even in shorts like Holiday for Drumsticks, which is all about him trying to starve a Thanksgiving turkey so he can get his food instead and watch him kill himself trying to lose it all, his scheme is still incredibly elaborate in all of the ways he gets the turkey to lose the weight, and he wastes no time attempting (in utter futility) to lose the weight that he himself put on when his life is now endangered. like, even his schemes to be a lazy slob are not at all lazy in their execution

and you have stuff like Duck Dodgers or The Looney Tunes Show coming in where his primary traits are his laziness and stupidity, BOTH OF WHICH ARE SO INCORRECT! i've gone on many spiels about how he's not at all stupid so i'll spare that, but i never thought much about the laziness thing. and it's.. mind boggling, because Daffy's tenacity is like the one incontestable, black and white, irrefutable consistency between all of his characterizations in the classics. i will say that hearing Spike Brandt and Tony Cervone say that they imagined Daffy's role in Duck Dodgers as its own separate character FROM Daffy has helped reconcile with a lot of "um he wouldn't do that"s that i have with the show, which i've also been overcoming a bit anyway because a) there are moments where he can prove himself, particularly earlier on, and b) i'm more able to accept the show for what it is and trying to do. unlike the latter. which i've also gone on many spiels about but coming to this realization has made me glare freshly-sharpened daggers at.

the stupidity thing still rubs me raw but i'm sympathetic because i can see how people might conflate his insanity/impulsiveness/doing stupid THINGS with actually stupidity. but making him lazy and having it be a sort of defining feature in recent decades is... shockingly antithetical to his character. like his whole thing is that he goes through all of these great lengths and puts in so much effort, whether it be refusing to stop bothering Porky or Elmer or doing all of these insane ways to upstage Bugs who gets applauded just for existing, etc. it's true that he does what he likes and has an indulgent personality, but never does he come off like a slob. in fact, he's been known to randomly call people sloppy/slovenly without any sort of reason behind it!! i swear there are just more and more ways that he's fundamentally misunderstood

it's funny that i'm using this comic example to close out, tangentially going back to the stupid thing/classic duck refuting modern duck trappings, because you probably can trace the beginnings of this mischaracterization to here, just as you can trace the ensemble-ification of the LT characters to the comics... but we at least have it straight from the duck's mouth that he's not a stooge

[cantquitu]

I need to rant about something in order to get it out of my head. When I talk to people about it in IRL we get so consumed with anger and disbelief that the conversation spirals into despair. So I just need to get it down to try and create some order in my head.

Ok, so some of you who have followed this blog for years may have noticed that I rarely, if ever, complain about my job or work anymore. I used to do that a lot (I'm sorry!). The change is mainly because I rarely post much in general, but also because everything got so bad at work that even ranting about it in tags was too much. Suffice to say, the industry I work in tanked, and I've been surrounded by redundancies and unemployment and uncertainty and bad behaviour and a lot of sad, stressed people and terrible, terrible decisions for close to three years now. Somehow, I have remained employed. I have new overlords now and I'm just grateful to be paid.

During all of this I've been dealing with health issues, and the stress and constant work travel exacerbated my ill health and basically it's been BALLS. My health started to turn around about 6 months ago and I'm learning how to breathe again (literally and figuratively). In the face of global meltdown, I am extremely grateful to have a life of privilege and safety.

ANYWAY! Almost exactly two years ago was when things started to go downhill at an alarming rate (this is why my Emotional Support Harry and his Love On Tour will always be so precious to me - happy, happy memories in a tide of shite). I remember getting off a transatlantic flight from a work trip at about 6am and waiting for the doctor's surgery to open and then having to go to the hospital. Shitty shit stuff like that. The purpose of that particular work trip had been to have a few days of focused meetings with an American man - let's call him Adam - who had been hired as a consultant with our company to build a strategy for my department. He's someone I had known professionally for years, he worked for a huge global entertainment corporation, and had recently gone independent. i.e. he had been shit-canned after 20 years. He then bounced around between a few big fancy-sounding consultancy roles for a year, and this was one of them.

It soon became clear that the reason this guy had bounced around since leaving the security of the Big Job was because HE DOES NOT DO ANY WORK. He spent so long as a boss that he hasn't got a fucking clue how to do ANYTHING. His one true skill is in convincing gullible idiots of the opposite. His life's work appears to be the honing of that skill. This man....I can't even describe the blatancy of his opportunism, or just how flagrantly he takes credit for the work of others. It is SHAMELESS. Literally jaw-dropping. For the first time in my life, I was shocked into utter silence on the regular (I'm a talker, in case you hadn't guessed). And yet half the people around me could not see it. It was like living in an alternative reality.

One time, I was having a meeting with him and my then boss (both Americans) at an event thingy in France. They had sort of ambushed me to talk about one of my new projects that he wanted to get in on. I was incredibly busy - they were not - and it was hot and I'd had about 15 meetings already that day and I was just like, "Not now!". But they persisted. Anway, my boss was interrupted by a phonecall and she stepped away to take it. He started interrogating me about how I would set up this project. He did it in a way where I felt like I was being tested - y'know, a senior person, hired by my boss's boss, wanting to know how I handle things. I was exhausted and irritated and felt like, "fuck you, I don't have to prove anything to you", so I said something like, "Well, to get started, we really have to approach the basics in the usual way to set us up, y'know? So I'd just start with the standard steps, we can't skip them".

He said, "Like what? Like... ?", and I thought, "Wtf? Is this a power trip?". I said, "Well, y'know, get the leads in a room, and we'd do x and y and z, y'know, the usual..." - I tailed off cos I didn't want to sound remedial, telling him obvious shit. But he was like, "Uh-huh, right. And then - ?" And I realised - OH SHIT. HE DOESN'T KNOW THE BASIC REMEDIAL STUFF! He's taking mental notes! He literally doesn't have a clue!

So I kinda tested him by saying, "For this project, I think it's important to x and x..." and he nodded, "Right, right, yes that's really smart, good idea, keep going....". We were interrupted by my boss returning and she said, "Sorry, where were we?". I shit you not, this man looked me in the eye, turned to her and said, "Well here's what I think we should do..." and he proceeded to repeat verbatim what I'd told him in the preceeding minutes. VER-FUCKING-BATIM!!!!!!! "That's the plan as I see it - sound good? What do you think?"

I stood there stunned. My boss looked thrilled. "Sounds great! We have a plan! That's so smart!" She turned to me, "Great, right?". I said, "I'm sorry, I have to go or I'll be late for my next meeting". And I turned and walked the fuck out of there. I walked - marched - back to my hotel and I swear to god there were cartoon-style tears of fury popping out of my eyes, blinding my way. THIS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

That evening I went for dinner with a chill group of amazing women, and some other colleagues went to another dinner, and it turned out that my useless boss and this bozo weren't invited to either and so they went for dinner together. That night everyone congregated at a big party, and my boss had tried a passive aggressive pity party with my other colleagues. "Adam and I just went for a quiet dinner together, but that's ok, it was great, we get on so great, we're so aligned". I arrived late to the party and my colleagues came up to me, shoved a drink in my hand, ready to fight for me, trying to block my boss from coming near me. They didn't even know what had happened earlier, they were just ready to ride at dawn, because two days with my boss and this motherfucker had told them all they needed to know about them.

I had been so upset earlier that I'd been careful not to drink too much at dinner in case I got really messy, but everyone at the party was well-oiled by this stage - including my boss. And she came up to me, "There you are, I missed you, I was wondering if you were even going to come. I had a lovely dinner with Adam though, he's so great" She went on and on and on about how aligned they are, how they were almost finishing each other's sentences. "What did you think of our meeting? Great, right? I love the plan - are you excited?"

I said, "That was an awful meeting. I was extremely upset by it". She stopped dead, sobered up in an instant, and I let her have it. I said, "'The plan' is MY plan. I laid it out for him, and when you returned he repeated it verbatim as if he'd just come up with it on the spot. Right in front of me! I have worked too hard and too long to have MY ideas co-opted by some middle-aged MAN who repeats them as his own! Is he my boss now? Is he YOUR boss? Because I'm telling you now, if that's the case - I'm out! I do not want that job, it's not what I signed up for!" (this might make me sound like a bad-ass and I wish I could say it's how I usually handle things, but sadly it was a one-off and was powered by true fury and desperation).

She was genuinely shocked at how much my opinion of this dude diverged from hers. She was really, really apologetic and insisted on walking me home and talking about it the whole way. She tried to reassert her authority and autonomy as boss but it was too late. She'd been taken in by this conniving chump and I couldn't trust her judgement (which, by the way, had been terrible in other areas in the six months since she'd become my de factor boss when our previous boss got shitcanned. Hence my high levels of stress even before Adam entered the picture).

I would love to say that this was the end of Adam, but tragically I had to endure him for another five months. During that time I had to take five weeks of sick-leave due to the stress and my ill health. It just got worse and worse and worse. His incompetency became clear to everyone other than my boss (who had invested so much of her personality into being "aligned" with him that she couldn't really retreat. She was let go a few months later), and the two most senior leaders in the company who had hired him.

He went on to try and co-opt other people's work time and time again. Things like messaging senior colleagues late at night to ask them to write pages of "his" strategy for him for his deadline the next day. Outrageous. It all culminated in a true car-crash of a meeting with senior leadership in which he unveiled the "strategy" that he had apparently been working on for 9 months (and paid many, many hundreds of thousands of dollars for). I was there, because it related to my division. It was so embarrassingly bad that it was almost painful to witness. Yet to this day he is still held in esteem by the top brass. This was in early December '2023, the final month of his consultancy, and here's the kicker...

A few of us were delegated to bring him for lunch directly after his presentation, before he caught his flight home. Not to London, where he'd been based for years. To Tel Aviv. This dude was in the process of moving to Israel because, post Oct 7th, he "felt safer there".

Since then, he has moved to Israel permanently "to help". He joined the IDF reserves. He posts pictures on social media of himself in army fatigues. He posts about how it's a lie that Palestinians are starving, next to videos of himself casually chilling at a food festival in the sunshine with hundreds of other well-heeled Israelis. And I see the names of other Americans in my business - people I know, people I have worked with and will probably have to work with again - leaving positive comments in agreement.

At work (unless among Irish people) we maintain a complete silence about what Israel is doing to Palestine. I work for an American company. The silence is so LOUD that I'm scared I'm just going to explode some day. This summer I'm going to be at international conferences and festivals and I'm going to be in situations where we're all together, lots of Americans, with alcohol involved, and I don't know how in the living fuck we can keep up this silent facade?? Do we just not speak when Americans enter the chat???? Do we talk about Trump and ignore Netanyahu??

I am going to see Adam and I think it is just beyond my capability to be civil to him. I don't think I can. I'm hoping we can just nod in acknowledgment and ignore each other. I've always been so fuckin' mouthy about what I believe, or open to conversation if I don't have the information to have any opinion, and I feel like I'm living in a twilight zone in my professional life. In my personal life I don't have to think twice about expressing support for Palestine. I have never been faced with this wall of silence before and it has unsettled me completely. I know that anyone who knows me will know where I stand, and even if they don't know me well they know I'm Irish, which is a reasonable indication of where I'm likely to stand. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to tell them if it came up. But I don't know where they stand and as long as they maintain complete silence I will have this awful, disquieting feeling that I'm likely working with people who actively or tacitly support Israel's genocide of Palestinians in Gaza.

[bluebnny]

Toxic law headcanons (yes again)

contents: idk just a bunch of hc's of toxic law , gn reader

warnings: mention of some very toxic behavior, so do NOT read this if you need something comforting bc this is not it! some mentions of emotionally abusive behaviour from law

a/n: i made a similar thing a little while ago, but just felt like i had bunch of ideas for him that were specifically about him being toxic, and not so much about relationships as a whole. also this is super rushed bc i literally just wrote it in like 20 mins even though i'm supposed to be doing something else. idk toxic law has my heart now and forever, yes there is something wrong with me why do you ask? anyway, dividers made by me, and please enjoy!! <3 :D

word count: 646

emotionally repressed law whose biggest fear is being known, understood, loved, because to him, any show of weakness is a death sentence

emotionally repressed law who loves you so so so much but he can never allow himself to show it because that would be the same as handing you a knife and baring his chest

law who thinks everyone's out to get him, because that's how he grew up, always suspicious, always alert, waiting for everything to go wrong because he can't remember a time where he loved someone who stayed

who learns that it's safer to love no one, or at least pretend, because then maybe, maybe, it will hurt less when they inevitably leave too, who hopes it will make it easier to push them away once they reveal their true colours

law who needs the clear ups and downs that are so typical of toxic relationships so he knows where he stands, knows how to react and what to prepare for, who gets exhausted from always being on the lookout, always preparing for a worst case that never comes

law who can't take the tension anymore, who is so sure everything will eventually go wrong that if nothing does, he will ruin it himself, because the uncertainty is worse than anything else

who will instigate a fight with you if you've been in a good place in your relationship for too long because he fears you secretly hate him, and he needs to confront that fear so he doesn't go insane

law who only feels in control when you're fighting, because he knows how to navigate that situation better than being at ease around you

law who can't take when you're being nice to him too much, because he forgot what that feels like long ago, who only remembers niceness as a mask people put on to trick him

who thinks every show of love is a trap that he has to try his hardest to avoid, who thinks every kind gesture is a ploy to disarm him, to weaken him, to hurt him

law who needs to disarm you to feel safe, who can't let himself show even a trace of something genuine unless he knows he can hurt you more than you can hurt him

law who won't apologize to you unless you're a sobbing heap on the floor, who can't let himself be vulnerable with you as long as you're strong enough to hurt him back

who won't hold your hand unless you ask him to, who won't hold you unless you lean into him first, or unless you're crying and begging for comfort, who won't tell you he loves you unless you think he hates you

law who hates when you're being too nice to him because it makes him feel how much he loves you, how much you mean to him

who feels bad sometimes for pushing you away, but who also can't let you in, who has to weaken you before showing you his unending love

who will hold you for hours when you cry, who will be so gentle and tender with you that you almost forget that you're like this because of him

law who will kiss away your tears, rub your back, whisper all the nice things he's always wanted to tell you into your ear as long as you're still bawling your eyes out, as long as your trembling grip on his shoulders is more desperate than his own arms around your torso

who lets himself open up the tiniest bit only when your voice is shaky from crying, who needs to know that you're in no state to hurt him before saying or doing anything that could give you a chance to

emotionally repressed law who doesn't realize in all his anxiety and obsessive behaviours that he's turning your relationship toxic

[evilgothmisandrist]

The other day in P.E i had to do a project w the guy in the “friend group” who i think it’s a horrible human being. But since he is in the group and apart from other girl is the only one in my class, I talk to him in a normal way (but I basically tend to avoid talking to him) and also because it’s somehow beneficial for me for whenever I need to know something about class u know. And I thought I made it clear that I found him disgusting because there have been times that we had argued and I literally told him this. There was a time I argued with him that I stopped talking to him for two/three weeks.

Well, during P.E we had to do a dancing video together (our girl friend didn’t come to class so we had to do it together) and I was in a good mood so I was laughing a lot with him (not because he made me laugh but bc in class i’m always laughing) and obviously i couldn’t do a dancing video if i didn’t talk to him. When the class was about to end, we were sitting using our phones, and he made one of his “dark humor jokes” which are ALWAYS either racism or misogyny. I obviously said something like “I don’t know how you find that funny, like , HAHAH racism 😐” and he said “well everyone has a different type of humor” and then i told him that I disliked him just in case he forgot, and he said “well i don’t dislike anyone, everyone is different” (obviously to look like a good person) and we somehow ended up talking about political views and I mentioned I was a radfem and he said “I think radfems are stupid, it’s so funny, their own arguments fall apart so easily” and I told him to say to me one of those arguments and he said “They think all men are bad” ????????

I told him “No that’s actually not true, radfems believe men aren’t inherently bad, but most men, because THE MAJORITY of men are bad, are because of male socialization” and he said “Not most men are bad” and I said “um yes?? Most crimes are +98% committed by men??????” and he said “Well yeah but that’s because men are stronger than women” and I was so fucking shocked by that stupid argument that I didn’t know what to say and looked at him like “????the fuck”, and then since the class ended we went to class separated obviously.

And this is how he “wins” his arguments all the times, he says things so stupid people don’t know how to answer. Its genuinely frustrating because he thinks he wins and that he is more intelligent than others, you can literally see in his face how he feels.

And since he’s got a lot of friends and a gf (who shares the same views as him and is as bad as him) he thinks he’s so great.

I genuinely hope he fucking dies 🩷

[stellar-solar-flare]

Mental Health Awareness May: Chronic Illness & Pain and Mental Health

I've been sitting on this because it's more than a little unnerving to talk about this but since I know I'm not alone with my struggles, I'm going to.

This post is a (slightly belated) addition to @marvel-oc-hub's Mental Health Awareness May. I admin this community, and it's welcoming of xReader fic too - if anyone wants to join, you're very welcome. See the pinned for our Discord link and other instructions.

Putting this under cut for TW: mental struggles, self-worth issues, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, chronic illness. If I missed something, please let me know. And obvious disclaimer: I am only talking about my own experience; living with chronic pain or chronic illness or both is a highly individual experience, and what I say here is in no way reflective of every person dealing with these things. Always ask about someone's experience before assuming.

Back in 2023, I wrote a husband!Steve Rogers x chronically ill!Reader fic Warmth (rated M for themes). While Reader's condition is not discussed in fic, she's dealing with chronic pain that is heavily affecting her ability and movement. The fic is specifically about a situation where she's wanting to bake a cake herself but she is unable to finish the task, and Steve, upon returning home, finds her curled up in pain on the kitchen floor.

While I wanted to showcase Steve's caring nature in the fic, I also wanted to highlight the fact that sometimes, one hates accepting help, no matter how well-meant and necessary. There is a difference between being able to bake a cake yourself and having someone bake a cake for you, and the fact that there are so many things that one can't do is incredibly frustrating and depressing. Never knowing if one is capable of completing an activity or how the this day or the next day is going to look like is anxiety-indulging to put it mildly - this is even more true if you are someone on the autism spectrum. Not to mention the fact that chronic pain itself is putting such strain on the nervous system, driving it into overdrive, which in turn makes one more susceptible to anxiety. Chronic pain/illness can also make one sleep much worse, which we all know affects one's mental health very heavily. And of course, many things that support mental health, such as exercise, healthy eating, and being social are often much harder when you're dealing with a chronic illness or pain.

I wanted to showcase Steve's unique position where he has once been chronically ill and disabled himself, and how he understand the worst of the emotions that can come from that. It's important to realize that it often isn't the kind of suffering that is pretty, silently suffering martyrdom. It is blood-red pure frustration and anger at your body and at the uncaring hand of fate at times, and Steve really gets this. He loves the Reader, her thorns and all. And she, in turn, tries her best to understand his position and his true love and acts of service for her - that they aren't because he thinks less of her but because he can make things easier for her.

We see Reader wanting to isolate, and discuss her past attempts to isolate herself from Steve and others, due to her feeling like she's a lost case and no one should hitch their wagon to her because she can't do anything. We see her loved ones reach out for her but she still suspects that she's just a charity project to others because she has nothing worth giving, right? Chronic illness can be extremely isolating and for me personally, it has made a world of difference when people have reached out to me and repeatedly understood that things can go from 0 to 100 very fast in my reality. Thank you, everyone, whether you're a friend or a reader who has awaited for updates for a long time.

When pain is present with every breath one takes, literally, it is so self-evident that mental health ties into it all so heavily and inseparably, because the mental fortitude and the battle it takes to just keep getting out of bed is a lot. To be dealing with physical pain and illness is to, in many cases, be dealing with mental pain and illness. Medical research is currently investigating the complex relationship these two have, and if they are, in a way, separate things at all.

In the fic, we see Reader face the thought that it's not all bad, even when it's a rough patch. In the same way, I want to end this post with a hopeful note: just because the fic shows a Very Hard day, it doesn't mean every day is like that. Sometimes, the toll on your mental well-being on top of physical is harder, but dealing with that is also a skill that can be developed (in addition to there being medical interventions that can help). Every day, my strategy gets a little bit better.

If you are someone who is currently battling these things, I'm sending you the best possible vibes in the universe. If you don't have personal experience with this, I hope I was able to put my own viewpoint into understandable words.

On the bad days, I am reminding myself of how Steve Rogers never gave up, no matter how many punches he took. He always got up to keep fighting, and so will I. 🛡️

(Writing this all and putting it out there was immensely scary so if you read it all, and it prompted any thoughts, I'd love to hear about them.)

[a-spes]

hii!! i'm new here and this is my first time sending an ask, but i just couldn't help but wonder, do you plan on continuing the "to say something" story? i believe it's soft dark wandanat x pet reader. i hardly see any human pet au's and for whatever reason, i always find them incredibly comforting, especially this one. i don't want to pressure you in the slightest, but just know if you ever think about continuing, i'd love to read it :)

honestly, i do not think i ever will write more of this story. i do want to, and i was planning to turn these drabbles onto a proper series but i never got a chance. currently, it does not align with what I want to write, and i am working on other projects. yet, i do not exclude the possibility to come back to it one day!

in any case, i am glad you appreciated it :) and to know that other people find comfort in it, because that is exactly what it bring me when i wrote it and what i wanted people to feel when reading it!

and here are some recommendations for similar fanctions that i have read (maybe you will find something to your liking there) ;

first, and most importantly : vampire empire by @ahhhwomen. it is human pet!reader x vampires!wandanat. it is dark, even gore sometimes, with a lot of angst, but oddly comforting at the same time.

it is literally one of my favorite fanfiction ever. it is perfectly written (do not even know how it is humanly possible to be such a good writer, not gonna lie). it is gut-wrenching and comforting at the same time. it is dark, even gore, but also soft and comforting. honestly, i do not think i have the words in english to describe how much i love this series.

then, we have sheep in wolf's clothing by @cookiesimpt. it is the same kind of soft dark than vampire empire! and they basically treat y/n as a pet more than a human, especially at the beginning. and i am a sucker for that kind of trope, it is definitely my favorite angst/comfort.

it was very well written as well, a true masterpiece, and also one of my favorite (i know, i say that for almost every fic' i read but there are so many incredible writers in this world that i can't choose).

and if you also like hybrid pet, you can check who's afraid of little old me by @wandamaximoffsbadgirl and i think (if i do not mix up two tumblr users) that @mommyslittlebird also has some stories of that kind on her profile.

i know it is very different, and not everyone likes it, but if you would like to read something softer, and so closer to the place we've been dreaming of then these are perfect! and they are both amazing writers so their au are nicely written as well :)

[h3donisticwhore]

how aren't transwomen women? you've posted things about pride month and now you're saying trans women aren't women? they might be in possession of male genitalia, but they are women because they say so and they are in control of their own body, THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. and okay, the law that jkr and many other women donated to was a law stating that trans women aren't women. there is literally nothing here blocking women's rights that women have fought hard for. "facts don't care about your feelings." well the fact that trans women are women is hurting you. not me. literally hurting no one. oh you hate that saying? because it's said by anti-society justice workers?

yk the definition of social justice workers are people who bring equity and fairness across many aspects of society right? they also play a crucial role in providing support and care to the lgbtqia+ community as well, as they are also members of society. guess who's a member of the lgbtq community? trans women.

"i actually hate this saying because it's used by ant-sjws, but in this case it's true." not the saying, but you using it in this context makes it hateful, and you yourself, are an anti-sjw if your thinking is like so.

tomorrow is pride month, so here is a reminder that if you buy official hp merch, bought hogwarts legacy, and plan to watch the new series, you’re actively contributing to this bigotry! as someone who has a strong connection to the LGBTQ+ community and someone who has held the struggle of my own gender very dear to me, your silence on this matter is siding with her. your silence is violence and i will never stay silent about such issues. this is more than just a crappy famous person, but a crappy famous person who drives home a narrative that not only harms trans women, but cis women too. demeaning women as a whole to nothing more than genitalia or anatomy is objectifying, cruel, and a very narrow minded view on gender. gender is a societal construct, and people do not understand the difference between sex and gender.

[bonewicca]

more 🛌

[symphonyofsilence]

What drives me even more insane about this scene is how you'd expect Gojo to imagine High school era! Geto in the crowd. Or at least not the cult leader, worst of all the curse users Geto Suguru. But no, it's the cult leader Geto. It's Geto as Gojo last remembered him. As Geto last was. Whatever choices Geto made, wherever his choices led him and them, however he was, whoever he was, traumas and messed up ideas and bad choices and ill reputations and scorns and all. Gojo wanted Geto Suguru there. Not any ideal version. Not any "what if" version. Not any "at some point in time before things went downhill" version. Not any "when your hands weren't stained with innocent blood" version. He knew very well what he wanted. And he wanted it all the same. He wanted Geto Suguru. However he was. He just wanted him to be there. He just wanted him to be.

And he didn't want him to help him, he didn't want him to fight with him even if they were strongest together and always fought together for a while. He just wanted him to be there in the crowd and cheer him on. He just wanted him to stand there and give him one of his sweet, heartwarming smiles that shaped his eyes into crescent moons. He just wanted him to be. Then even if Gojo had died in the end anyway, he would have been satisfied. It would have been worth it. Only if Geto was there.

[buttercupshands]

Had another one of "YOU HAVE TO DRAW NOW" moments

I actually did the scene above on my second try of the battle, lv 90 doesn't exactly make it easy to lose

Also I think it's time to show those sketches too

The Siffrin practice once more, but this time a bit earlier

Also first try on figuring Loop's full body ref too

Also this little thing, not as polished as digital would've been

Imagine my reaction when I accidentally gave Loop a flower after trying already and they accepted it. I adored that 'yeah we won't speak of this, but I accept your stupid flower' scene more than anything and it was pure text after little scene

[beingwhatwecan]

I realised people might not know this and it will seem that I explained half Tosh's given name.

子 ('ko') literally means child, but you don't associate it with 'child' when it's in a name. It's just a common feminine name ending.

There are several explanations to why; eg in ancient China respectable men in philosophy etc had that ending and when Japan picked up the language and adapted it, they used it in royal/aristocratic families. I don't know. But it's true that the women in the royal family all have names ending with 'ko' for centuries with very few exceptions.

For modern commoners (good god I didn't know this was a word), 'ko'-ending names were the most popular from 1920s to 1970s. It has a distinct Showa-era-ness to it, is what I've heard. If this doesn't make any sense to you, then it doesn't. It does to me. Tosh was supposed to be born in 1975, I think, so barely made it in...

As for Sato. (Or Satou, or Satō. Romanisation is a nightmare for anyone.) It's too common for anyone to think into it when they see the name, like Smith. Probably.

For those who are interested. Sa, 佐, means to aid or assist. In Chinese, 左 is literally 'left', and back then left was inferior to right, as in directions (which is the same case, or worse, in latin and french or something), so the left assisted the right (the proper, the superior). The other character 亻means human or people. In Japanese it still means aid or assist, and it's also used for military ranks and stuff.

To, 藤, is literally 'vine', as in the plant. the top 艹 is usually associated with plants. In names, no. It's from a family Fujiwara, or 藤原, who were powerful and 'imperial regents'. I'm bad at this so look it up yourself. It gave rise to a lot of family names that have something to do with 藤, like Sato, or Ito, or Kato, or stuff.

But, as I said, it's too common for one to think about it.

Last I heard, Japanese people named kids with pronunciations that sounded nice and then chose kanji to work with it that looked nice. Or something. So it's very likely that none of this mean anything at all. But yeah, I'm that person.

Because it bothers me. Because a name in English letters is like a name in phonetic symbols. It's only how it sounds and not what it means, and you never know what it means until you look at the kanji. (Not even hiragana or katakana.)

Kanji is the sort of thing that originated with Chinese people drawing in symbols to mean stuff. It was supposed to mean stuff just by looking at the shape. 'Home' is a roof over a pig, which means a living space with livestock. Etc. I always think that romanised names are not names. They are the shadow of the names.

I call Tosh Tosh and Toshiko interchangeably because she is, after all, British, and seems fine with it. Hell, it could be a compartmentalisation for all I know. But I think the kanji name would mean things to her. And I always appreciated Jack calling her Toshiko.

I also think that she runs translation programmes because she understands. Toshiko is bilingual as far as I know; English and Japanese are both native to her. It happens, when you are multiligual. I love her anyway but I love her for this, too.

'Tosh' is not the stressed syllable in 'Toshiko' (not that Japanese stresses work the same, but in this case it's most likely 'shi'). And that vowel 'o' doesn't sound the same. And as far as Japanese goes, 'Tosh' is an extremely random way of taking out a part of a name... It's always a syllable ending with a vowel. Always.

It's that thing. It's essentially a different name.

And I know her nationality is British. I know she technically probably has a British passport to have worked for the government. But she speaks Japanese with her mother and she uses chopsticks fine when eating Chinese. You know it's there.

So, being a Japanese name, it's surname first.

Sato is like the most common surname ever, so everyone knows it's 佐藤. Toshiko isn't all that rare. Wikipedia writes Toshi in hiragana, and ko in kanji. People don't really do that, as far as I know. It's all kanji, or all hiragana, and all hiragana is rare the last time I checked. Either way, I remember reading at some point it's 敏子, which makes enough sense to me. 敏 is agile, clever, quick, sensitive, etc.

敏 as a kanji comes from Chinese originally. Back in the days, like, very back in the days, left-hand side 每 meant women or mother (the bottom bit 母 is still mother; this is also the part that signals the pronunciation), and the right-hand side 攵 used to be 又, and both meant action with hands.

Quite literally women handling tools or women managing hair, depending on when you're looking at and who's doing the explanation. It's the 'handling stuff' bit that got into 'quick'. And then quick movement (agile, nimble), quick thinking (clever).

(Then because they are brought up together a lot or something, it also means 'preserverence', which I don't think made it to Japanese meaning of the word. So.)

Tosh is in tech so I thought the 'handling tools' was neat, in an unexpected way. Anyway Toshiko Sato = Sato Toshiko = 佐藤 敏子. That's the name.

[aroaceleovaldez]

It's honestly wild to me that ToA went through so much trouble to emphasize the fact that Will did not magically fix all of Nico's problems and was explicitly not Nico's only doctor.

Only for TSATS to have Will fix all of Nico's problems and have Nico be entirely reliant on him the entire book and literally helpless without him and LITERALLY have Nico's problems be magically removed.