#because self-control on creative projects? dont know her

[dr-spectre]

Hello everyone, I got some announcements to share and some plans for the future of this blog now that the Grand Fest is over and the news drought begins.

(LONG POST AHEAD!!!!)

I think going forward I'm gonna change how I approach myself acting online and be less "OH MY GOD HOLY SHITENWIOEDISIWIEOE GUYYS!!!"

Because to be honest with you all... I've been feeling very self conscious about the way that I've been acting online and I feel like I gotta channel my passion for Splatoon in a much more healthy and less EXTREMEEEEE way.

I am aware that um.... people have blocked me... and you know, that's to be expected of course when you are online and you're slowly building a following. Still really stings, though, and I think it's due to the fact that sometimes I can be sorta- "This is what happened, and if you disagree with me, you're an idiot and you're wrong!!!!!" When I make posts. And I don't wanna do that, and I don't want to come off as a gatekeeping fan that thinks lower of other people who might not know my stances very well. I wanna educate people and present my stuff as more of "Hey guys, this is what I think actually happened in this event. Feel free to take a look! I think this is really cool and I wonder what you guys think of this perspective that i have?"

And sometimes I can be pretty loud mouthed and stuff and I have talked shit towards certain characters. I remember one time I made a post where I said "what the fuck is wrong with Marie?" And said some stuff... I probably rubbed a lot of people the wrong way with that post... and other posts. I'm so sorry if I have made some of you upset in the past or have said some awful things about your favourite characters in the series...

As you guys probably know, I am passionate about Hypno Callie and I have very strong stances and opinions on her. And that leads to me get a bit... out of control. Callie is my biggest comfort character and to see certain people try and push this vile and disgusting event that happened to her... that she was kidnapped by Octavio and the Octarians when she was alone, and that he brainwashed her and forcibly put the shades on her, or he tricked her and he removed her memories too...

and I try to see the same event in a completely different lens... I see it as more of Octavio manipulating her in a more subtle way and due to Callie's poor mental state and desperation, she heard him out. Octavio used the shades as a way to control her more easily but he doesnt have full direct control over her because her influence helped motivate the Octarians. Octavio still wanted Callie to be... well... Callie. Plus, Callie was more than willing to help the Octarians as well, as she thinks they are cute. I do have evidence to back it up as well as articles and definitions explaining how hypnosis actually works and its limitations.

But this perspective gets compromised and put into question in my head when people keep pushing and pushing and PUSHING the other thing. Then it feels like I have to yell and get mad.... I've seen it as recently as when Blushing Tide came out and I looked at the YouTube comment section on one of the uploads and I just kept seeing people say "oh it's like Tidal Rush but without the brainwashing" or some shit like that idk. I dont remember it well but i know I saw the word floating around. (Don't look at YouTube comment sections. You won't get anything of value from them.)

Anyways, I also wanna cut back on swearing too because sometimes I border on being a hazbin hotel character and I DO NOT want myself to get to that level LMAO!

So what shall I be doing now that Splatoon 3 is officially wrapped up? Well... I wanna do more creative projects and fun stuff like that. I got good reception from my haikus for the Grand Fest and I think doing more stuff like that sounds really really fun!!! And it might actually give me a reason to finish stuff as well lol...

Like I have a God damn Splatoon 2 hero mode finale rewrite that's nearly done and it's been sitting on my Google docs since JULY!!!! I have also made plans to do a fan sequel to the Squid Sisters Stories that takes place in between Splatoon 2 and 3 because that time frame for the Squid Sisters has been barely touched upon. I'm also doing a personal project where it's basically what I want to see out of a Splatoon 4 and I've been really enjoying making that. I dont know if I would ever share it but... it's something to do for me at least.

I also wanna involve myself in the community more, I received an ask where someone said (I forgot who asked I'm so sorry) if I could do a thing where I receive Splatoon OCs and critique them. That sounds really fun!!!

Maybe i can do photo mode competitions or showcases!!! Where I choose a theme (Callie, water, Splatsville, etc) and people submit their photos and I critique them and showcase them to everyone!!! Does that sound like something people would be interested in?! I would love to know as virtual photography is a hobby I love to partake in and I wanna encourage more people to try it!

There is also other stuff i can do like going over the Idols outfits and rating them, but I don't have the motivation to do that at the moment and I know it's not gonna be as in-depth as the one I did for Callie.

Anyhow, that's basically what I have so far. I think im gonna slow down on posting and I'm gonna chill out. Or at least I'll try to chill out.

I've just been feeling incredibly guilty and kinda... sad that I've been acting in a certain way for a while. And I really wanna change that. I dont like making people upset and I don't wanna be the kind of Splatoon fan that puts down others who don't even know any better and don't know who I am....

But enough being sad, I wanna focus on the present and make sure that my future on here is bright!!!

[fightclubgayporn]

do you have anything like a doc of information abt sdau? i think it looks really interesting and id love to know more about it + the characters :D

OH ANON YOURE SO SWEET. tbqh i should make one. but context is it was made as a collaborative effort between me and my friends like. 2.5 years ago so its not just my baby. but i really do want to get like. the basics at LEAST down so that people understand the vague plot/vibes.

tl;dr? a bunch of superpowered young adults are just so bad at having interpersonal relationships (more detailed but still basic vers under the cut)

(ps: ive written some stuff about these guys! a lot of its on my ao3, noalarmz! fair warning some of it sucks. i also wrote rubbing alcohol for a creative writing project, and i think it fucks. alcoholism tw)

the characters: (ica)rus: has wings that can burst into flame, but its not like something he can. turn off. so its basically a self-destruct button. strict moral compass, wants to stop vernon, acts as a kind of "hero" for the city. very self-destructive in their pursuit of justice, and overly self-sacrificial (vernon thinks he's selfish for this. it's a whole thing.) vernon valentine: has sound manipulation powers, also deer antlers. dead set on killing narrator and replacing her. very fucked up from his ex girlfriend (who they killed. um) and projects a lot of that + their need for control onto kan. basically he's a very awful toxic friend and also causes problems around the city to get narrator's attention narrator: a very, very old, near all powerful person, but nonetheless, she is still human. her power is complete matter manipulation, meaning she can regenerate her body, being functionally immortal. shes mega op, but she Isn't Actually a god (vernon thinks she is though) she has absorbed a intangible Presence into her mind known as Underscore, which is basically omniscience itself. it fucks her up a little bit. líf erling: a time traveler who travels non-linearly through narrator's timeline. they have a very tragic romance together, due to the fact that when underscore enters narrator's mind, she becomes aware of her own death, which puts um. a strain. on the relationship. kan komarov: he has telekinesis on any non-sentient objects, barring himself! he has. attachment issues. and latches onto vernon HARDSTYLE. is it platonic? is it romantic? is it sexual? you decide. he would basically do anything for them and is fully committed to his plan to kill narrator. kris(ten) clark: a childhood friend of kan's! her power is that she can create purple crystals from the palm of her hand but they do not have good control over it so. oops they did crystallize their friends arm once. which weighs on her. she really cares about kan, so is willing to tolerate vernon, but eventually they just cant take it anymore and leave. better at escaping the cycle than kan is printz o'harte: rus's closest friend. he has emotional telepathy, meaning he can sense everyone's emotions At All Times. which is um. a tad overwhelming. he builds robots to help rus. oops looks like kan has a crush on him (much less intense than his. Emotions for vernon but yk hes got a lil crush <3) he also has been in communication with narrator, because they understand the whole. my mind is loud all the time thing cato crux: she had electric powers! note the past tense because she is DEAD!! she's vernons aforementioned ex, and while they were together, they worked together, trying to take down narrator (kan is kind of her replacement) but uh. then narrator decided to contact cato. and cato realized that she wasnt a god. and vernon, feeling betrayed and hurt and angry, uh. killed her ass. sad! eve singh: stretchy limbs. childhood friends with kan and kris. she and kan were roommates for awhile, until kan met vernon and drifted away from her. she still resents him for this. cherry sinclair: childhood friends with eve, kan, and kris. they're the friend who lost their arm to kris. they dont blame her, but she sure blames herself. they have control over metal, which is helpful in making their own prosthetics.

oh man thats already so much. heres the basic plot beats though

rivalry between rus and vernon established, they clash

during a confrontation, kan becomes interested in printz

kris realizes how Awful her situation is, and that kan has begun to be terrible also, runs away

kan goes into a MAJOR DEPRESSION even more reliant on vernon now, his interest in printz increases cause he wants to replace kris

printz entertains this on rus's advice, so that he could collect information on vernon through kan. this works.

kan is heartbroken AGAIN. sad.

he goes into a manic episode and burns down his old elementary school (it was abandoned but still)

the climax. kan and kris reunite, he apologizes and starts to realize the hold vernon has on him (still loyal tho)

vernon thinks theyre being betrayed again and goes to attack kan

sensing this, printz stops him, giving rus a chance to swoop in snatch vernon into the air.

they decide to sacrifice themself, and his wings burst into flame, killing both himself and vernon.

somewhere in there, narrator also dies i forgot how i gotta ask eloise (she made narrator)

heres where the timeline diverges a little? but in the Good Ending kan and kris are able to heal from their fuckups and become normal friends again, and kan and printz are able to explore the idea of a relationship outside of the confines of their established roles

in the other, kan is so devestated from vernon's death that he starts hallucinating vernon's ghost, jake english/fight club style. this ghost convinces him to dig up vernon's corpse and, using some remnant of narrator, he brings them back to life. but yk. vernon is all fucked up now, dependent on kan and broken by the experience of death. eventually kan realizes that vernon a) was bad for him and b) is not the same vernon who came back and asks kris to. dispose of them. she happily obliges

BONUS SHIT:

if you ever saw me draw a pink haired guy w nice tits and his gamer girlboyfriend, that's aj (pink) and quinn (gamer) they're only vaguely canon to sdau and were originally escape room 2 ocs (yes, really)

in high school (pre transition) kan was a pretty popular youtube cosplayer named Kotdere (kot- from the russian word for cat and -dere from. dere tropes in anime) when he disappeared off the face of the internet there was a lot of confusion

during this time he had an online gf. that was quinn. quinn goes on to be like. the jerma of this universe and gets a hot of streamer boyfriend (aj)

eve gets a girlfriend, victoria! she made those like. true crime/unsolved mystery vids. eve helps her make one on "the disappearance of kotdere?? what REALLY happened"

narrator's story is really beautiful and crazy and i did not at ALL make it so def def def ask @/lovelyisthedawn about her <3

vernon/kan is evil yaoi and vernon/kris is evil yuri. you agree

some ship names (not necessarily rom just relationships)

vernon/kan: high and mighty kan/kris: rock kandy vernon/kris: punkrock printz/kan: palm to palm cato/vernon: tyrannicides narrator/líf: ragnarok probably missed some these are the ones i remember </3

[simeonstans]

OBEY ME BROTHERS AS CELEBRITIES

Sorry I haven't been active. Between schoolwork and just a lack of motivation and creativity, I really dont know what else I should've written. I'm sorry for abandoning this blog for a while haha.

LUCIFER

He's an actor. But later turned into directing and producing movies.

Has an entire room dedicated to his awards, one wall lined up with all his Oscars, Grammys, and Emmys.

Involved in plenty of rumors and scandals, usually where the media thinks he's dating an actor or found a non celebrity partner. But really, he asked them out to talk business.

Whenever he's acting, his character can go from the charming boy to the rich spoiled brat to even the badass detective. He's not a big fan of starring in hero or action movies with lots of effects. Nor directing those types of movies.

Directed a horror movie once and that quickly got taken out of movies for how scary they were. Psychological horror to the extreme.

His stans are usually rich and probably like Quentin Tarantino or Clint Eastwood. Lucifer has beefed with Woody Allen and his stans do as well. Truly iconic.

Philanthropist.

MAMMON

He's a model in canon but I feel he could also be a photographer.

He knows his aesthetics and has plenty of portfolios.

He's probably gonna act a lot smarter now that he's famous and knows plenty of people would want to scam him.

He does give out to charity sometimes but usually he models for campaigns or sells his pictures at auctions and donates away the money or a percentage of it.

Involved in some scandals but they're quickly debunked by his stans or his management. Nothing too bad, just a dating rumor that spirled out of control.

He does have a good relationship with his fans and likes to do podcasts or go on lives and interact and answer questions, even invites them on his lives to talk with them.

He's filthy rich and he dresses filthy rich. His style is very earthy and casual, but he does have that expensive Hermes™ watch and some Prada™ boots.

LEVIATHAN

He's a YouTuber. He also streams every Friday and Saturday from 10pm-6am.

He liked to cosplay but now that he gets invited to gaming cons and events, he probably doesn't have much time to make a good cosplay up to his standards so he'd probably wearing Tanjiro's earrings one day and then his Naruto jacket the next.

Whenever he goes to concerts, it's a thing that fans secretly take pictures of him if they're near him and there's plenty of content of him drooling over Zaramela.

There's YouTube compliations of him going shy whenever someone is nice to him or someone attractive goes near him.

Because he games a lot, he probably would sweat a lot if he becomes concentrated. So whenever he'd brush his hair back or put it in a ponytail, his stans go feral.

Don't mess with his stans, they're the type to call and email anyone so you have your life ruined. But I promise they're usually soft stans.

He dresses like the gamer boy of your dreams tbh.

SATAN

He's a painter.

The next Picasso. Van Gogh. Monet. He has talent.

Many would say he could be an author cause he reads but I headcanon he could have synesthesia. So whenever he'd read a book and go over a specific scene, it'd inspire him to draw or paint something.

If he's stressed, he plays classical music and paints whatever the music says.

He was probably a college student when this happened and he had a lot of paintings he didn't know what to do with, so he just sold them or gave him away to charities under a fake name.

Like some Hannah Montana shit, he lived a double life for a couple months and then he got outed by some journalist that was supposed to keep up with him.

He gets invited to plenty of events and has painted for celebrities and politicians. Despite that, he's probably the least popular of his brother's but his stans are very dedicated to him and surprisingly there's rarely any fights within.

He has money but the most expensive his he owns is a watch and his car. More dad or nerdy boyfriend type look.

ASMODEUS

Triple Threat. Model, actor, singer.

He frequently goes on tour and drops albums. His music ranges so one album can help you explore your sexuality when his next album mostly focuses on who he truly is and so on.

Like Lucifer, he has plenty of awards. Probably has starred in one of his productions, too.

Has collaborated with NikkieTutorials, Rihanna and her Fenty collection, Beyonce, the biggest stars you could think of. Whether music or beauty.

Has his own fashion line as well as his own perfume collection and beauty products. A good percentage does go to charities and organizations like homeless college students or pro-lgbt groups.

Has YouTube compliations of men having gay panics over him.

Has been involved in many scandals and relationships, but many wind up false. Surprisingly. He is honest, so he does confirm if there was any chemistry between him and someone else.

His stans are more open and accepting, they don't really attack you or ruin your life but they can damage your self esteem for good.

They've also trended "#AsmoIsOverParty" just to promote a new project from him.

BEELZEBUB

He's an athlete.

There's plenty of videos of him with his shirt off and he may seem scary to many people, he's our big puppy.

"Beelzebub being cute for 4 minutes and 48 seconds" compliations rival "Levi being shy as a serotonin boost" compliations

Has the most fans. He's mentioned wanting a family and being family oriented before which probably caused his fan base to expand.

If you don't understand the sport, older stans would explain it for you. He also made a YouTube channel where he posts videos explaining how the game works and the positions. There's 5 videos, each video almost an hour long. He hasn't updated his channel since then.

Has also starred in Lucifers movies and usually does his own stunts.

He only wears expensive shoes as long as they last long or are comfortable for him. He also sometimes buys expensive athletic wear but majority of the time he doesn't check how expensive it is as long as he's comfortable.

Every week, he posts a video of himself working out or making a healthy and inexpensive meal to promote a healthier lifestyle.

BELPHAGOR

Music producer.

Despite being known to nap a lot or to be in his room a lot, it's usually because he spends a lot of time making beats and working on lyrics.

He's collaborated with plenty of artists but usually collaborates with Asmo.

Belphie also has his own music company which Asmo is under. Of course there's other producers in so he works alongside them and other artists and he usually makes his own music or adds back vocals to some songs.

If you find the back vocals within it, he's usually growling or moaning. His voice is deep but it's very soothing.

His stans usually send him letters or ask Asmo how he's doing or if he's eaten yet. He is very respected and his stans are FERAL. No mercy, absolutely ruthless.

Once had his mixtape "leaked" by Asmo and it was on the charts for a good while and broke a record or two. He doesn't like talking about it much but he does appreciate it.

He doesn't dress up much but whenever he does, it's like he's a different persona.

[astrologytingzz]

Describing Every Zodiac Sign: From An Aquarius

Aries - Now we all know our Aries.They are a fire sign and they are passionate, motivated, and highly confident leaders who build big communities of friends and family. They like to surround themselves around people that love them for them and if you cant find the good in that then you have to go. They are direct in their approach and are not afraid to say what is on their minds. If you like what they said then good for you, and if you dont like what they said then oh well deal with it. Their weaknesses are a lack of patience, and will sometimes force things to go fast a little bit too much.

Taurus - Taurus are known to be intelligent, dependable, hardworking, dedicated, and stubborn. For the Taurus, it is all or nothing, there is no such thing as in between or halfway there. They are sometimes descripted as being a mean and heartless person but on the inside, they care a lot about other people they need to get their goals together too.

Gemini - Geminis are very intelligent, outgoing, and adaptable in my opinion. But sometimes they can be unreliable, sometimes they are nosy too, wanting to know everything about everyone and can be boastfull at times. Geminis are also impulsive being able to change their minds in a heartbeat. But apart from that, they are easy going and adjustable and they are willing to try anything at once.

Cancer - Cancers are like the homeboy of the zodiac signs. Easily one of the most emotional zodiac signs ever, but only because see themselves as greatness. They are nurturing, compassionate, Cancers are very loyal, they are arguably one of the most noteworthy trait. Cancers are also highly protective, in addition to being loyal, Cancers are extrodinary protective of their loved ones, sometimes even to a fault. They deeply charish and family and close friends and will often go out of their way to protect their loved ones. But they can be moody, and sometimes vindictive.

Leo - Leos are the star of the zodiac, their traits include being confident, comfortable being the center of attention, loyal, fiercely protective of their nearest and dearest, generous, luxury-loving, sunny, and big hearted. Their characteristics reflect themes covered by the Fifth House Of Romance and Self-Expression, which Leo rules. The Fifth House oversees leisurely fun, creativity, children, pleasure, and the most spirited, effervescent expression of love and sex, like flirting and dating. But the downside to the great Leos is that they are posesive, impatient, an self centered. Sometimes they feel like they can dominate other people. 

Virgo - Virgos are very hardworking, they understand that hard work pays off. They arent afraid to throw themselves into a project and do one damn good job on it. No matter what it takes, they may even have sleepless nights because they try to do their best on the things they do. Virgos are also humble and affectionate, along with their desire to see the best in people, they are unfailingly kind and are always willing to help somebody in need, Virgos are more patient then others. But the downside to them is that they are critical, stubborn, and they overthink too much.

Libra - Libras are natural peacemakers at heart. and they are experts at being tactical and diplomatic in their relationships and groups. They choose their words carefully and aim to find common ground with as many people as possible. Libras have a strong sense of justice. They want to make sure everyone gets heart, and are passionate about making sure that things stay balanced, Libras are witty, smart, and excellent conversationalist. They have active imaginations and are quick to think on their feet, which makes them great company and great problem solvers, but some bad traits about Libras is that they are indecisive, controlling and they are easily one of the most vindictive signs. 

Scorpio - Determination is one of the most well known Scorpio characteristics. There is nothing better to have somebody when your in trouble by your side then a brave and determined scorpio. They will run into danger without a second thought and are always the first to volunteer themselves for difficult tasks. Scorpios are also loyal and highly honest and ambitious. But there are some downside to Scorpios is that they are jealous, secretive, controlling, and resentful. A Scorpio is the mastermind behind every mischief. Their cunning ways are hard to deal with and impossible to comprehend. So the next time you think of challenging a Scorpio, well, good luck! Their ruthlessness is often accompanied by the urge to take revenge. A Scorpio will never let you get away with something. They will take revenge and will go to any extreme for it. So if you angered one, try and make-up before it is too late!

Sagittarius - Sagittarians are optimistic, lovers of freedom, hilarious, fair-minded, honest and intellectual. They are spontaneous and fun, usually with a lot of friends, and are perhaps the best conversationalists in the zodiac (maybe tied with Gemini). Due to their knack for contemplation and critical thought, a Sagittarius is prone to overestimating his or her intellect and, as a result, can come across as egotistical. Narcissism has a tendency to lead to self-indulgence, and Sagittarians can get carried away with it. While it rarely gets in the way of their work, it certainly poses the risk of driving away friends and family.

Capricorn - Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time. They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience and expertise. If you manage to anger a Capricorn and really push their limits, brace yourselves for the impact! When angered, this zodiac can be quite brutal and will cut you down with their words. So better watch out before you argue with them!

Aquarius - Not one for "going with the flow", Aquarians make their own mind up and then stick to it. You can not cajole or persuade them from their viewpoint, unless you've got *evidence* i.e. data, facts, peer-reviewed analysis. Aquarians live (quite happily thank you) largely in their own head. Dissecting knowledge, deconstructing conventions, dreaming up dreams, thinking about outer space (seriously). You could be telling them your dog is dead, and they are looking at you but their face is blank. *SPOILER* they're not listening, they're thinking about the cosmos. Though their natural intelligence, fair mindedness and (great) wit often wins them a wide circle of eclectic friends, ultimately Aquarius stands alone. They will not compromise their ideals, morals or need for freedom and independence for anyone. Though their natural intelligence, fair mindedness and (great) wit often wins them a wide circle of eclectic friends, ultimately Aquarius stands alone. They will not compromise their ideals, morals or need for freedom and independence for anyone. If an Aquarius isn't responding to what you say, chances are they have wandered off to their 'La La Land'. They are known to be absent-minded. This trait doesn't go well at situations which demand active participation. If the Water Bearer wants something, it is now or never! They won't wait around for things to happen and often lack patience. Aquarius is not the zodiac to wait for something.

Pisces - Pisces are known as the most artistic of all zodiac signs, and they frequently express their creativity in everyday life. They have strong imaginations, and their reputation as dreamers can help them when they pursue hobbies such as art, music, and writing. They aren't as bound by logic as many other signs, and their openness to new ideas allows them to explore creative avenues others may overlook or dismiss as impractical. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, there's no one better than a Pisces. Pisces are incredibly empathetic and in tune with the emotions of others. If they see someone crying, they will immediately want to know how they can help, and they may even begin crying themselves out of sympathy. Pisces are extremely generous and known for putting others' needs before their own. It's important to them that the people they care about are happy, so they'll go out of their way to do something kind or help you with a problem you're having, even if it sometimes comes at the expense of their own happiness. Pisces are the most sensitive of all zodiacs. They will get hurt on the smallest of things and expect you to apologise for it. Their extremely sensitive nature is the reason they are not able to handle the challenges of life in an efficient manner. Pisces has the flaw of thinking about negative outcomes of every situation. It is seldom that they think positive and when they do, something or the other blows their mind in the opposite direction. It is very hard to keep a Pisces on the right track when it comes to thinking.  

[soemthingsparkly]

Projecting my neglect/psych abuse onto Reggie is one of my favorite things to do b/c MAX whump levels but it's also an outlet AND it shows people how fucked up emotional abuse is cause I do argue with my self all the time - am I rlly being abused? I dont get hit so it's fine. I dont need help b/c I'm fed and have a roof over my head. If I tell my parents I need help they'll just yell at me that therapy's a waste of money" basically my Reggie whump is literally just my life in fanfic sjfjdgrdf.

“I don’t get hit so it’s fine. I don’t need help because I’m fed and have a roof over my head.”

Oof. This hits hard, anon. 

Can I share something with you anon? 

I did my undergraduate degree in Creative Writing. 

Which means I basically spent three years engaging in fiction therapy in an attempt to heal myself. The beauty of this degree was that I was able to write about my traumatic experiences in the third person, which not only helped me process them, but helped to emphasis with the angry little girl whose father didn’t stock the cupboards or pay attention to her needs. 

I was able to empathise with my younger self and stop being angry at her and start being objective about my past circumstances. 

You place them on a character and it’s suddenly very clearly not okay. And if it’s not okay when it happens to this character, it is most definitely not okay when it’s happening to you, a real-life person whose life is deep and valuable and doesn’t end or pause when you dog-ear the page and close the book.

I also took these stories to workshop for my classmates to read and critique and obliterate. This is an incredible experience, because not only do you get critique on basic writing form and narrative structure (which by the way is the best way to grow as a writer), you also get comments on the characters and the story.

(And most of them don’t know that it’s based on your own experience).

And when you’ve poured your own trauma into the story, not only does it read authentically, the comments and feedback you get on it can really aid in the healing process, especially if they demonstrate sympathy for the character. 

I remember one night at an open mic, I read out a story that I had worked SO hard on called The Biting Point, about a young girl, Bianca, whose father had spent most of his life in a haze of alcohol or mathematics since her mother left. 

Her brother started to teach her how to drive while he was home from university one week. Over the week, her brother starts to acknowledge that, although she’s been with their father, she’s been alone this entire time.

One night, she borrows his car and takes it for a drive. It’s the first time she’s felt in control. Independent. She drives all the way to the edge of town and stops at a traffic light. It goes green but she can’t move. Not because the car doesn’t work, but because she knows that she is stuck in her circumstance and she laughs because, how funny, but soon that laughter becomes tears and she’s just sat there, at a green traffic light in the middle of the night at an empty junction. 

When she returns, her brother is awake and he is terrified because he didn’t know whether or not she was going to come back. And then they go for a drive and they talk about what happened with their mother for the first time, properly talk about it.

And as I read this story out loud to a crowd of people, I started dropping the pages on the floor around me and it was as if I was shedding a skin - one that was made up of lots of little fragments of hurt and pain and loss and fear. 

And when I finished reading, I felt so much lighter. I felt proud and seen. I just really needed someone to see me, just like Bianca needed to be seen by her brother.

And that’s why I think exploring trauma through fiction is so valuable.

Even though I haven’t pursued writing as a career, I hold those three years very dearly. 

~

I know I kind of got a little lost in my point there, but what I’m trying to say is that I totally support exploration of abuse and trauma through fiction writing. I think it’s one of the healthiest coping mechanisms to have. 

I do tend to roughhouse with Reggie when it comes to writing his experience of abuse, however, I always end each fic with something hopeful, because damn, we all need to know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel - whether that be through being supported by good friends, finding a sense of independence, or just purely discovering a moment of peace and comfort in something small.

And you should know that just because you don’t have any physical marks or scars, your experience of abuse is as real, valid, and toxic as any other form. Psychological abuse is particularly nasty because you will never feel as if you have any evidence. 

Thank you for sharing your experience with me, anon <3

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

I’m Being Serious | Tony Stark

Pairing: Tony Stark x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 1,533 words.

Request: i am afraid to ask ive been having a bad time lately with body image. i was wondering if you could write me a tony stark story of him trying to convince his fiancee that just cuz shes bigger than pepper that the reader is ok to him and her view of herself is wrong? its ok if it takes a while. i dont wanna be pushy. please and thank you.

Warnings: body image issues, self-doubt, angst, some reassurance, fluff. Is rushed writing a warning?

A/N: —

Being engaged to Tony Stark came with many privileges, you were aware of that. Sure, he was difficult sometimes, mostly when he was in a creative mood and entrenched himself in the lab, but other than that the only problem you had with him wasn’t even his fault.

You couldn’t say it was yours either, self-deprecation aside you knew damn right the issue was deeper. You’ve heard and much to your dismay thought unkind things about yourself over and over since you could remember, in the good days they didn’t matter, but in the bad ones they hurt more than you wanted to admit.

He didn’t know, of course, you found it too dumb to address it. In your mind, you would bore him with a talk about your self-esteem. As you looked down, your eyes caught the ring on your finger, such a beautiful piece of jewelry, obviously custom made due to its size— and perhaps also due to how over the top your fiancé was.

Rhodey had said he and Pepper helped Tony to choose it, something that unknowingly to them caused you mixed feelings. You knew your fiancé would never cheat on you, you trusted him, you trusted Pepper whom you considered a friend too, but you didn’t trust yourself.

You didn’t believe to be what he deserved, or what he needed. How could you when Pepper was right there? Her, so pretty and smart, so assertive, and strong, and independent— and thin. Pepper was everything you wanted to be, many times you wondered why Tony had even fallen for you when he had a woman like her before. She would be a prettier bride, a better wife, Tony could show her off in ways he couldn’t with you.

“Ms. (L/N)?” FRIDAY’s voice filled the room.

“Yes?”

“Mr. Stark wants you to give your input on his new project.”

Tony, God bless him, would often ask what you thought about his projects and updates, sometimes he’d even present to you the issues he was encountering as if you were as smart as him. Any other day you would have laughed happily and amused him, but today you weren’t so sure to be up for it. You could try, though. Telling the AI that you’d be there in a moment, you unconsciously looked down at your body as you stood up from your spot on the couch.

You listed every flaw you saw, the ones that Tony could clearly see too. He wouldn’t have to see those things with Pepper, he would only see her beautiful smile and her slim body. On your way to the lab, you went through said list again, finding more flaws. There were issues in every single one of them, flaws in the flaws, issues in the flaws, true nightmares in the form of things you so desperately wished to change.

The door was unlocked for you, the AI probably having told Tony you were on your way there so he’d grant you access before you could punch the code. He was alone except the bots, pieces of a suit scattered on the table he was sat in front of.

“Honey, hi!” he greeted, too chirpy to not have drunk more coffee than the recommended amount a day.

He explained his new idea in details, you knew because he was moving his hands while speaking. Every word escaped you as you stared at his slender fingers that fit perfectly with your chubbier ones. Pepper’s weren’t like yours, they probably fit his way better. He went on, probably thinking you were following his ramble or far too into it to realize your eyes were welling up with tears.

Why was he even with you? Pepper was a better option in any way. She knew how Stark Industries worked, how much space he needed and when, what to do to get him to take better care of himself— she was such a force to be reckoned, and you were just you. Everything that made you interesting was in front of you, his warm eyes fixed on your face.

You didn’t see him stand up, or walk toward you. You only reacted when you heard him call your name softly, in that tone he reserved for his loved ones, when he wasn’t wearing the facade he had been forced to show to the outer world.

He asked FRIDAY to check for injuries on your body and you could only shake your head. “I’m fine, Tony.”

“You’re crying, baby.” His hands rested on your arms, prompting you to focus your gaze on his t-shirt to not cry harder. “Did something happen? Is everyone in your family okay?”

God, he was always so nice, so kind that you couldn’t believe him to be real sometimes. “They’re fine.”

He rubbed your arms, up and down, something you often did to him when he was going through the aftermath of a panic attack. “Then? Did you watch that movie again? The one with—“

“Why are you with someone like me?” you interrupted him, supposing it was now or never.

Tony looked taken aback. “Because I love you.” He then turned serious, almost stoic. “Did someone do something to you? Did they say anything?”

“No!” You moved out of his grasp. “But I can’t stop thinking that you’re making a mistake, Tony. Pepper is right there,” you pointed to a random part of the laboratory just to put some emphasis.

“You don’t want to marry me?” he asked, hurt lacing his tone.

You bobbed your mouth, “of course I do, what kind of question is that?! But Tony, be realistic, I’m not Pepper. God, I’m nothing like Pepper at all. I’m not skinny, or blonde, or—“

“Is it what this is about? Your body?” You nodded in response. He approached you again, taking your chin between his thumb and index to lift your face. Your eyes found his, warm brown orbs full of emotion staring deep into your soul. “You know? I don’t like how harsh you’re on yourself,” he said softly, clearly meaning it. There was no intention of being pushy behind his words, only the truth.

But for you, the truth was what you had just said, and when you let him know that, he shook his head. “Tony,” you groaned, “it’s fine, I’m fat and we both know it.”

“But there’s nothing wrong with it and it looks like you don’t know it,” he countered with that matter of fact tone he liked to use when he knew he was right. He continued talking, “you’re not Pepper, you’re not anyone but yourself and that’s why I want to marry you because you’re are you, I love you.”

You opened your mouth to fight him on it, yet Tony being Tony wasn’t having any of it. He shook his head for you to stay silent and asked FRIDAY to type some notes on everything he had worked on that day.

He took your hand, guiding you out of the laboratory and toward the living room where you had been sulking earlier. You sat beside him, looking down at your shoes that suddenly were very interesting. He shifted, pulling you closer by your still intertwined fingers.

The position you two ended on was a little uncomfortable, he was fully on his back on the couch, hand twisted to not let yours go as you tried to place your weight in the correct way to not crush him. He chuckled at your attempts.

“You’re not going to squash me,” he assured you. You didn’t believe him, he knew. “Honey, there’s not a single thing wrong with you or your body, why can’t you believe me?”

“I see myself in the mirror every day.”

“Well, then maybe your eyesight is not as fine as I thought, but that can be fixed.”

You snorted at the joke, he breathed a laugh. “I’m being serious.”

“I am too, and I don’t want to hear you say those things again.” Seconds later, he seemed to understand how his comment could’ve come across because he clarified, “I don’t want you to feel like that, that’s what I mean.”

Humming, you tried to come up with something to ease his mind. In all fairness, you didn’t want to feel like that either, you just couldn’t control it sometimes. Bad days were heavy, they overpowered the good ones no matter how great those felt, you wanted to be able to go through the bad ones without doubting yourself so much. Explaining it was tougher than thinking about it, than feeling it.

Tony didn’t need you to explain it, though. With a kiss on your forehead, he mumbled, “we can talk about it later.” His free hand came to rest on your back, trailing up and down in a steady motion. You breathed in a little deep, humming again.

How much time passed you didn’t know, the truth was that his reassurance had been of a lot of help. By the moment you spoke again, you both were getting sleepy. You didn’t want to fall asleep without thanking him, though.

His answer? “I simply told you the truth.”

[chimcharstar]

Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

[colitisandme]

‘I am sorry, I can’t hear you, my ears are too clogged with rage’ is now one of my favourite sayings.

I am not an angry person. I honestly don’t like anger as an emotion. Before my body decided to spend its days thinking of new ways to test my patience and fast depleting reserves, I thought anger was a wasted emotion. In fact anger, shouting, aggression and general finger pointing makes me feel very uneasy. I despise shouting and intimidation so much I have been known to stupidly hurtle down the road in my bare feet, brandishing my stiletto heals to try and ward off verbal attacks between a purple faced, swearing, irate aggressor and a terrified partner. I have screamed at a sobbing, cowering girl to stay in her car and thrown said shoes at a guy, yelling ‘get the hell away from her!’ followed by hollering ‘you’d better run!’ at the top of my lungs whilst simultaneously trying to call the police at the same time. Stupid yes. What the hell would I have done if he had turned to me and said ‘ no don’t think I will’ ... cry and probably wet myself .. Hoping my catawauling and urine stained trousers would be a strong enough deterrent to stop him coming anywhere near me. But despite the probability of waking up my neighbours with my bat shit crazy screaming and as a result not being invited to the communal bbq due to them thinking I was mad, I could not have stood there put my fingers in my ears, shut my eyes and done nothing. I just couldn’t do that. so it was a stupid risk I was willing to take.

There have been many times in my life When I was perfectly entitled to be angry. There have been many occasions when I would have completely been within my Jess rights to have turned rage coloured purple, swore, stomped my paws, gnashed my teeth, yelled and howled at the moon like some kind of snarling werewolf, gnawing at myself like I was a tenderised pork chop. But I didn’t. I just accepted the situations and swallowed my anger, until unbeknown to me I had swallowed a whole nasty twisted, yarn sized ball of red, malton, lava rage which was just bubbling away inside my body and soul getting bigger by the day. And slowly without my knowledge, I was being turned into a pressure cooker. Ready to explode. That’s what happens when you don’t process trauma. You turn into a walking volcano; dormant but you still wouldn’t want to spend your holidays there in case it went off and the end result would turn you into a human s’more.

Chronic illness and extreme all over body pain certainly has a direct way of really making me adjust my usual Kum by ya, harmonious, zen filled, placid happy care free attitude. Waiting for 16 weeks to see a bloody rheumatologist really does test my sunny nature. Listening to rediculous conversations about how unfair it is that snuffles have floored someone for 3 COCKING DAYS makes me want to gnaw my own hand off in a rage, filled pneumatic chomping episode. In fact here is a short list of things, I have lovingly compiled, which make me cocking furious ... NHS waiting times, the Conservative party, selfishness, unkindness, thoughtlessness, people who don’t know how good they have it. Violence, homophobia, rudeness, the price of gluten free deserts, the fact that as soon as you add dairy free and gluten free together, food tastes like bloody cardboard. You would think with all the 1000’s of people with allergies, they would make more things like don’t taste and have the texture of gravel. Alarm clocks, people who hog toilets- I NEED THEM NOW. People who hate bobble hats - quite frankly if you do I hope you get eaten by dinosaurs. PIP - May you all be turned into bum boils. Flights of stairs, wading through the leaf filled, mud filled path along the main road which I have to drag my case and myself along to get to work. JUST BECAUSE THE COUNCIL DONT WANT TO BUILD A COCKING PATH TO WALK DOWN. ...I AM NOT A BLOODY HEDGE DWELLING ANIMAL, WHO ENJOYS SPENDING MY DAYS ROLLING ABOUT IN LEAVES. Clearly the arsehats in the council must express great delight and cackle with glee, watching me cry and gnash my teeth as I wade through a million sodding leaves to try and get to my bus... swearing and looking like a cross between a walking leaf collage and Stig of the dump as I get into work... Very professional and not at all like a child’s art project... Animal cruelty, child cruelty, people cruelty, bigotry, hateful wankers, clowns, (there’s no need for them) self - entitled aresholes, (no need for them either) losing things, and generally the poor, sorry state of the world at the moment. In fact all of these things make me absolutely and honestly incandescent with rage.

And whereas before every item on that list would have made me cross. I now am very open with the fact I get angry about them. Before I would be frightened to express how I felt about certain moments, certain situations and trauma due to fall out. But now after getting ill, I have allowed myself to be much more open in the way I feel. Not in a rude way but in a way where I finally know I deserve better than being thrown emotional scraps in an attempt to keep me docile and placid. After the trauma, I would then work my butt off to be a better human in order to diffuse the situation, as I believed it was my fault which led to more internal anger towards myself. This in built, all consuming, conscious un-human effort and desire to keep my anger hidden about injustices and trauma faced throughout my life has partly contributed to how lousy I am feeling now. I am now absolutely sure that the anger I have submerged, suppressed and cajoled to stay hidden, has wrapped itself around my muscles, joints, bowels, limbs, throat and hands like thick, spiny, vines trying to drown and suffocate me. When I first went to see my homeopath I told her I felt like I couldn’t breathe or speak and like I was a corked bottle who couldn’t express what I felt due to fear and the incorrect view that I deserved it. But it’s interesting because I am and have always been so verbally expressive. I have a theatre background for gods sake and could readily take on any character and perform it. I wrote, I sang and yet when it came to the simple task of telling someone they hurt me or when I tried to express my feelings as myself and not as a character, the time came and I couldn’t do it. I was standing in the spotlight and I was mute.

I am not now. I have finally found my voice. I know that the vast majority of traumas in my life were not my fault. I am now no longer scared to ask for help, for support, for understanding, for time because I know I deserve and need it. Especially now, especially because my body behaves like an unco- operative toddler refusing to do anything I ask it to do. I am not angry that I am ill. There would be no point in taking my rage out on a situation I cannot control. I am however angry about the things which make mine and others situations worse, because there’s no sodding need to make our lives more difficult. Lack of services, extortionate waiting times, an NHS bursting at the seems with no funding, no staff and no resources to change the situation. I am angry there isn’t more knowledge and research about our diseases. I am hopping mad there isn’t more understanding or support from our communities... I am furious about the injustices we go through, but mostly I am filled with hulk like rage that we are made to feel as invisible as our illnesses and disease are. I am not the kind of person to shout, yell or intimidate. I will not dominate using hateful language or aggression, but I can and will use my words and my Jess ness to try and make a difference, even if it’s in a small way. Becauase I have learnt it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to stamp feet, to cry and chew the carpet with the utter unfairness of it all. It’s okay to gnash your teeth and howl at the moon when you are in pain, or tell someone when they have let you down. It’s human and it’s healthy. If you feel angry please release it in a healthy way. I am not advising to go on a monster, smashing table, hurling puppies out of the way, yelling at babies, rampage, but at the same time please don’t swallow it and remain mute. Even if that moment makes you come up with a 109 creative new swear words, say them in private, under your breath if necessary, but say them. And if you need to feel angry about past situations do it now before the feeling eats away at you until it manefests somewhere else or as something else. We are what we feel. Good, bad, angry, calm, hurt, victim, survivor ... so once we start to fix our soul we start to fix our whole. 😊 So be angry if you need to be, but most importantly be honest with how you feel, and if someone makes you angry or has hurt you or let you down never be afraid to tell them so, because if we bottle it all up, it’s us who really suffers in the end.

[theparaminds]

It’s not as though Natalie Green knew what this year held in store or what would exist at the end of the road. Though, at every step of the way, he kept going. Embodied in both his music and his story of perseverance, is a rare example of an artistic soul that found peace where few would ever dream to look. It took months of learning and continued questioning of himself and what he wanted to be. But in the end, it resulted in a man anew.

With a new project taking shape in studio sessions that contrast his earlier life, Natalie Green is finding a voice he previously was nervous to share, speaking louder than before. The ideas, memoirs and anxieties he hopes to express have become clear. With every note, he continually finds himself as much as he does connect to those who battle the same confusions.

Natalie Green now stands with a new asset he hadn’t held prior, the ability to embark on the path he wants, not the one life throws him upon. He can stand and become the artist he visualizes, the artist he knows is essential to reveal to the world. For the first time in a while, Natalie Green is in control, with a steering wheel in hand and a road of possibility on the horizon.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how are you?

Things have been hectic, but good. Good busy you know? There are different kinds of busy and this one has been all positive.

On your last EP last year, it sounded like you weren’t fully at peace, do you find that you are now after a year of personal introspection?

Yeah for sure, when I was writing the EP, I was in a really terrible place physically, emotionally and mentally. It was a passion project when it came out, I didn’t have to think about it. Whereas now, I’ve got a place, I’m not just in my car anymore, I emotionally feel a lot more centered, I have my head on straight. I’ve found friends and people that I love to surround myself with. Everything’s been a thousand times better.

When you’re looking within this shift you’ve undertaken, where do you think you’ve personally grown the most, whether artistically or as an individual?

I think I’ve gotten more empathetic towards people. All people. As well, I feel more self-aware. What I realized when living in my car was that I didn’t know myself. Living in a house again with roommates made me, in a new way, learn more about myself, and where I needed to spend a lot of time mentally. As far as musically, I feel more confident, I think that’s apparent in my vocals and instrumentation, they’re far more personal in that sense.

With the new year in season, being a time of reflecting upon the past year, do you have any memories that stick out to you as positive through the difficult and turbulent times?

There’s a lot. I don’t know if there’s one specific moment, but definitely moving into the apartment. I also got to play a private show in my friend’s backyard for all my close friends. That was a big moment for me. There’s a lot of moments where I had friends reassure me, and believe in me when I wasn’t doing so myself. One of my best friends from back home came to live here a little while ago, that was really special to have him back. The whole tour with Roy, of course, was inspiring, to see him do all that and becoming closer to everyone I went on tour with will forever be in my memories.

With that tour, and even more so working on Cat Heaven, happening while you were working on your own projects, did they influence the way you approached your new work?

There are certain things I learn from other people I can implement in my own music later. There will be something I’ll figure out while I’m working with someone, be it a sound or a new style, I can kinda pull out later. A lot of it is just talking to others and learning their inspirations and how that reflects in their music. Then turning and comparing that to my own influences and seeing how I do the same. It’s all just inspiration.

To touch on that idea of inspiration, you’ve mentioned in the past how you have a wide range on influences in your life in terms on music, but in the last year, which artists have really been influencing the work you’re putting out?

There’s been a lot of really great artists I just got into this past year-ish, but a big one is Michelle Zauner, who’s the singer for Japanese Breakfast. I’m hugely inspired by her, the fact she directs her own music videos and does all her own creative output, it’s really amazing. I’ve also loved the movies of Michel Gondry and the writing of Charlie Kaufman, anything they work on is amazing and so intoxicating.

With this new album you’re ramping up to release, has there been a difference in approach to how you wrote songs and lyrics? And how does that process look like?

I mean it’s been different for almost every song, I tried to do the album the same way I did the EP, and it wasn’t working right. Every song I wrote just felt lacklustre or the same. So to change it up, I had to change my methods, like the first song I wrote, I did two guitar parts first and then I sang, then produced over. That is very different to the EP which was songs first then lyrics. There are certain songs where before I recorded, I had a guitar riff and just wrote the song in a very traditional way, just chords and singing. Maybe loops would be first at times, and then they’d be built off of. Everything has been different.

It’s interesting because it sounds like you’ve really been adding more to your skill set as an artist, would you say that if you had a tool belt of music, that you’ve been adding towards it in the last while?

Yeah, definitely. I’ve been doing that my whole life honestly. I started in bands, not knowing how to produce or anything, but I could play guitar and from then I learned the bass just to add of that. Then I learned production, and that is forever useful. Now I’m working more to be an artist and learn what that entails and requires. Every time I learn something new I really take that and hold onto it until needed.

If you could create your ideal music creation space, where would it be and how would it look like?

That’s interesting, It would really just need to be a secluded place. A place I could disappear and a place I could be as loud as I want as late as I want. No interruptions, all the equipment I needed. Some food, drinks and a bathroom, that’s all I need.

Over the year you’ve posted some concerts you went to, like Paramore in the summer. Are there other shows you saw live that really had an impact upon you and maybe changed the way you approach live shows yourself?

Well, of course, the tour with Roy, he’s been super inspiring in general and watching the man work is amazing. He has a lot of fantastic ideas and he goes through with them. I saw Daisy as well, and they’re so good live. Solange was also amazing with her stage design and her choreography. I also saw Soccer Mommy pretty recently, and it wasn’t too extravagant but it was so well done and exciting to see as a fan of the music.

When you’re on stage, even something like the backyard show you mentioned earlier, what’s the emotion you’re trying to achieve and what is the mindset that you find yourself within at that moment?

When I played that private show, I realized all my songs were pretty mellow and hard to dance or move to. All except for Beachwood didn’t translate very well. So with this new project, I want them to translate really well live, to feel energetic, to feel lively. The songs are just fun. But I keep that emotion in and make sure that I don’t lose what made the earlier work so special and important.

What’s been the overall message you’re trying to pursue this new work and what is it you’re hoping to convey?

I kinda just want to tell my story. Or a story of mine. If people learn things from that, its great, but I’m just saying what happened in my experience. What I realized is that there’s a lot of shitty things that happened to me in my life, but the truth is that things could be a lot worse, so far they’ve been pretty good for the most part. While I had those tough days, I’m still here kicking it.

I apologize if it’s a repeated question, but with the topic of your story, what’s the meaning behind the stage name you’ve taken upon yourself?

It is and it isn’t part of my story in a way. A big part of that choice was that I wanted to separate myself from my old name and work. I wanted this to be super new. The name is taken from two names of people I am very inspired by. And it also, to me, sounds like the quintessential hot girl from a high school, the girl in the coming of age movie they all go after.

If you had a message to artists out there who may find themselves in the same space as you have previously found yourself within, those who may feel as unsure, what would be your lesson to pass on?

I think it doesn’t matter if you’re as confident or as talented as you want to be, as long as you recognize what sounds good to you, just put out the song. It doesn’t matter if you think your voice was bad, just keep progressing as an artist. If you wait for that progression you’ll never put stuff out, you’ll never be happy. With whatever you have right now, just start putting something, anything, out.

Follow Natalie Green on Twitter and Instagram

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

All Photos by Guthrie King

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

hey! sometimes it is okay to unload on the random person (especially if they are okay with it and i am more than okay(?)) and while i cannot trully understand what you are going through i want you to know that all of what you are feeling is valid! and sadly we as humans are trully incapable of keeping all of the things under control and that is alright! so also please remember that with all of the things piling up on you - it’s not really your fault! in a sense for example testing for covid! you have literally no influence over that so while you might be worried and it’s a normal reaction, i believe it will be resolved one way or another with as less consequences as possible! while i cannot say anything about Ramadan, i still hope that things will become better(?).

as for you catching covid , i hope you get better soon!! and it is totally normal to have no energy nor will to do anything and ! if you ever need a rest you should take it. because after all your health should always be your priority!

and i’m sure one day you will be okay! but for now while it may seem a bit insensitive to say! rather that losing your mind over things you cannot control you should try (as much as you physical and mental state allow ofc) focus on the things you have power over!

ps: i want to apologize if i overstepped the boundaries :(

No this is so sweet 😭😭. I can't handle this sweetness, this is like the nicest thing ever. Thank you so much anon.

I know things are out of my hands. Some of it I brought upon myself so there's a level of self blame and self hatred going on there...

I'm dealing with it but it's there nonetheless. I really have a bad habit of being the worst person to myself in my own mind. I'm working on it, it's hard at the moment but it's a work in progress.

With covid, it's a double edged sword because I know why and how I got it. My mosque is open in Ramadan for the first time in 2 years. So I've definitely gotten it from there same with my mum who got it first and my elderly Amma who just tested positive the other day.

It's like I understand that at some point with university I've caused this myself and I just don't know what I'll do if I don't get the extensions, since I already applied for extensions and was rejected so now I've reached out to my personal tutor but I don't know if that will help.

To explain why I'm so stressed out abt uni. It's my final year, I haven't done my final year project of 7k words or the critical analysis of 2.5k words and then in that same week I've got an essay on Irish literature that's 2.5k words and another essay on Shakespeare and Chaucer that's 2k words.

Oh right I'm getting a degree in English and Creative Writing. And all this is due in the coming week... The last week of Ramadan when the most important nights of the month come 😭😂.

Being the worst student write my essays a day before or a few days before just bullshit my way thru but with Ramadan I just dont have the time and cause it's such a holy month I feel guilty for even thinking abt my degree when I could be doing something religious like praying the Qur'an 😂😭.

The irony is the only things I have power over at the moment is my fanfiction 😂. Peace my Jay au, Unexpected Partners my Jungwon au and See Right Through Me my Heeseung au are all finished and the parts have been scheduled so I've got control over that. My newest fic Wrecking Her Plans a Heeseung au, I've already written up to chapter 8 so it's a matter of posting. Hence randomly posting a chapter of See Right Through Me just for the sake of it 😂.

Thank you so much anon for being okay with a mess like me unloading my issues 😂. It really is a weight off my chest to just rant abt it to a stranger.

Not to say I don't have ppl in my life I can unload to but like they know me and it's a different dynamic, like I can't disappoint you anon with my stupid decisions that have come to bite me in the ass 😂😂.

Honestly this has been a big help to me, thank you so much anon. I didn't expect that little comment on a fanfic thats not even my most popular one to cause an outpouring of support and love.

I am very much appreciative of it though. So again thank you so much anon. Really from the bottom of my heart, with all that I am thank you so much for caring and sending these long asks and making sure I'm okay.

I can't really express how much it means to me in words but just know this won't be forgotten and I'll probably carry your words with me for a long time.

Ps. Most definitely haven't overstepped boundaries, I hope I haven't either, feel free to tell me if I have.

Also to the people who left encouragement and hoped I was well in the replies of the latest See Right Through Me chapter, thank you so much. Again I can't express how much it means to me, I love and appreciate all of you 💖💖.

[hecallsmehischild]

Mental Organization

Less a post to vent poison right now. More a post to untangle the ball of yarn and line the skeins up neatly in their compartments because right now it’s all one huge mishmash and I think it’s keeping me from what they call “executive function.”

Projects that I have a handle on but that I keep having to stop because I can’t make myself create something quality if my feelings are snarled

Illustrating a children’s story my friend wrote, called How To Be Good. I’m so happy with this. I’m no pro illustrator but my skills have grown a lot since I illustrated the other story (Purple is for Playtime). It’s so visually cheerful, it makes me happy to look at finished pages.

Hey Spacejerk. I love it so far but I’m apprehensive now. I’ve taken the device I was using to create this story and smashed it. How fast do I go now? I don’t really want to write a super long fanfiction. I don’t think I want this story to be longer than ten chapters more. But if I go too fast the audience will feel cheated.

Laughter Lines. I’m more sunk into the flow of this one, but constantly worried I’m going to screw up the device I’ve been laying dominoes for. It’s more complicated than my usual and, unlike previous fandoms where I could handwave these details, it will matter that everything is just right.

Elrohee. I just want to process things here. I want to be careful, too, because I don’t want it to get preachy. Ever. This series is not about being preachy and never was.

Wire trees. I created a larger wire tree recently and also a new kind of button tree that got me all excited. Then I started a tree with wire I didn’t like (because I was running out of colors) and I regret that. I don’t like the color combination. I’m staring at the half finished tree. I hate the waste, but I want to get back to being able to make trees. That half finished tree will stare me in the face forever if I don’t. So I’m standing up to throw it away now. No… No I’m not. The color combination isn’t hideous, just… not inspiring. If I add some really nice beads to it, it will perk up. I dont’ want to waste it.

Painting. Currently I have a half finished orange mask and a half finished wooden wiggly snake. Right now I have no inspiration to finish either, though I think maybe the orange mask might be flamey? Or sunny.

Crochet. I have two blankets in the works, one random-yarn blanket and one that has planned colors as a gift. They take up a lot of space.

Recording chapters of The Book of the Dun Cow aloud. This project is fun, though I do have to muster some will to make myself do it. Dramatic reading is kind of a joy, actually, especially with this book where I have all the voices down. I’m thinking of putting up the link to the whole playlist once the book is fully recorded.

Scrapbooking. I’m so happy. I have only a fraction of this project left to do, and then everything is nicely organized into binders.

And I get very angry and frustrated and kind of despair-y when I find I can’t move forward with these. It feels ridiculous because doing creative things HELPS me feel better, but I can’t do them when I feel bad??? What kind of Catch-22 is that???

Projects I am starting to get a handle on

Basic house cleaning. Or at least floors and bathrooms and countertops. Going to try and do a little bit every day that way it doesn’t become some weekly/monthly overwhelming chore I avoid like the plague.

House decorating. I’ve started getting into this and really liking it. I found a Texan-style wreath for the front door, placed 3 different house mats, and started tacking silk ivy around the kitchen windows. I’m actually kind of proud of myself about this.

Projects I am literally flailing through

Planning a wedding. Dear God, what am I doing? In the next two weeks I need to do the final ring purchase so that something has moved forward and finished. I also need to arrange the legal marriage so our paperwork is completed in the state of our residence and there aren’t any snarls with an out-of-state ceremony. That’s the goal for the next two weeks. Also how do you decorate??? (I ask, rhetorically. I’m looking through some stuff but I think I need to simplify my idea. Maybe instead of all four seasons, just winter/spring?)

Finding a therapist. The one I called isn’t responding. Don’t know how much leeway to give. If I haven’t heard back from her by Saturday night I’m going to try calling someone else. I need to move forward with getting approval for the surgery.

Krav Maga. I’m finally back and I’m doing well with jabs and punches, but anything that requires me to squat and rise multiple times is really hard. I’m very weak there, and while squatting my leg muscles just give out. I’ve looked up a beginner’s squatting routine that I’m going to TRY to enact because I really would love to stop humiliating myself in class. Been having panic issues before class (that stop once I’m in it, because there is NO ROOM in my being to have panic when I’m constantly moving) and would like that to stop. Prayed with my fiancée on the drive over and held his hand and that helped some.

Online Writing Course. Already panicked and frozen over a super vague writing prompt that doesn’t feel like enough explanation was provided. Afraid of being judged by peers. Afraid of critiquing peers because who am I to say this is good or bad? They are all in an Official Writing Course so they MUST know better than me, right? Even if it looks like they really don’t? Frozen.

Editing Best Served Cold. Froze again. Freaked out that I wasn’t a good enough writer to edit anything and froze. Freaking…

Patreon. This is a very on and off again thing. I don’t know how to self promote except through repetition which freaks me out. I don’t know how to save good things for “just the patrons” when I want to share it all. Don’t know if I should restructure all my tiers so there’s less tiers and less offerings? Very possible.

Etsy. Nobody really looks at the listings. I don’t blame them. I’m not a self promoter and I’m not a photographer. All my stuff looks better laid out on a table to sell but I don’t know where around here to do that so for now it just decorates the house. Maybe I should give up on Etsy again and just stick with my Facebook shop. People who use Etsy are serious about their business. This is a hobby I hope to sell a bit of and give the rest away.

Socially

Krav Maga class. I connected with at least one person who’s really sweet and nice. She’s more advanced than I am for sure but helps me feel a lot more at ease and I feel the need to apologize to her a lot less.

Small Group. My fiancée and I found a small group that’s an offshoot of the church we were trying. The church is a mega-church and we’re both still very wary of that. I felt very lost in a sea of people. But this group feels like a band of very real people, expressing doubts and pain while searching in the Bible together, eating pizza, and hanging out. Meets twice a month, plus one extra day that’s just girl’s night. I am looking forward to getting to know these people 3 Mondays a month.

D&D Shabbat night. Friday nights now we (light our brand new candles!) say the blessing, and eat a meal (now home cooked because ALL OUR KITCHEN IS FUNCTIONAL, WOOOOO), then retire to the great hall to play D&D. We are currently at 1 GM and 4 players, soon to be 5 players. We’re brand new so this will be glorious.

Health

BPV. Had a round of Benign Positional Vertigo for a few weeks. Finally cleared up. At least next time I’m suddenly dizzy out of nowhere I won’t think I’m dying.

Eating. Eating is weird lately. I’m walking this really fine line between getting obsessed with my weight and not caring. I have veered hard in the direction of aggressively “not caring” most of my life, partly because I was afraid of the eating disorders my friends suffered from. I’m doing pretty well with my eating, choosing my food carefully for one-main-meal-a-day-plus-light-snacks eating and trying to keep it all under 1400 cal. I don’t have a lot of impulse control when it comes to eating so I flat out can’t keep foods in the house “just for that one treat day” because that one treat day is TODAY no matter what I say to myself. Best I can do is limit my access to those foods (including turning down SOME opportunities to go out and eat). Impulse control gets worse with wonky emotions because I will eat ALL THE FEELS. Lately my main meal is (one can) tuna salad sandwich on onion roll, which is filling enough, then I eat plums and flavored rice cakes or salted-but-not-buttered-popcorn or pickles for the rest of the day. I picked up a few small soups which look good. Came to the realization recently that I really do need to stop thinking of this as something I do “Just until I get to goal weight.” In order to maintain the healthy weight I hope to achieve, I will still need to eat well. I don’t get to let loose just because I made it. So I have reluctantly begun adopting the idea that I need to do right by my eating habits as a permanent lifestyle change. I’d like to be around longer and in order to do so I need to take better care of myself than I have been. But I can feel obsession right on the edge of my consciousness and that’s a scary feeling. I’m trying not to fall into obsession or let it drive me off the other edge of extremes to not caring. Walking the tightrope carefully.

Sleep. Sleep is weird too. Some nights I wake up a lot, then I can get up in the morning easier. Some nights I zonk out straight through and then it’s super hard to get up in the morning. Still wish that I could not be so motion sensitive. I used to be Dusty-sleeps-like-a-rock and now I’m a light sleeper. All someone has to do is call my name and I jolt up.

Trich. Been obsessively tweezing a lot more. Gaps in every eyelid. Unhappy about this.

This Blog and Processing

I don’t always know what to do on here anymore. I post fanfiction, but the part of my life that I would normally process out loud... I can’t really do that now. It actually directly impacts someone this time. Feels like words are measured with a lot more care instead of just spilling out willy nilly and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I know that things knot up inside some more, but does that mean I just need to find a different not-so-public outlet for these things? It hasn’t really worked well so far.

Ever since the beginning of the year I have wondered to myself if I am too public with things and I’ve been a step more self conscious about it (yeah, weird to say on this complete textual vomit, right? But it’s been building for a really long time and I need this) since the end of last year. I let some words get under my skin that I shouldn’t have, but they’re hard to shake because I don’t know how much objective truth is in them.

Dealing with unfamiliar feelings that I want no part of. Anger isn’t unfamiliar, but it’s unwelcome. Boundaries book says anger is a good alarm bell, but I just… don’t want to. I don’t know where the line for “good anger” is and I don’t know how to do anger without setting every bridge around me on fire. Hatred is unfamiliar and even more unwelcome. It feels like tasty, warm poison. I want it, badly. I want it as a defense against past, current, and future pain. I want to rear up and yell “Not this time!” when I see patterns from my past repeating and I want icicles dripping from my words. But it’s deeply wrong. This isn’t what the God I serve taught, and I know hatred will poison me to the core of who I am. I get that those ideas have been hackneyed to death with pop catchphrases and whatnot, but I mean… that doesn’t make it any less true. And it’s going to be really ugly and messy and I don’t want to deal with it when being ice queen would be a hell of a lot easier. Still, I don’t know how NOT to hate at this moment, so when I’m aware I give God permission to change this in me because I can’t/don’t know how to change it myself right now.

Sometimes I wish I had more to say on the Dear Someone tag, but I know who Someone is and I tell him in person every day and it’s the most beautiful, wonderful part of my life right now.

 I say a lot of negative stuff. Even if it’s true stuff, I tend to focus on processing negatives a lot. I want to figure out ways to process positive and good things. I think I’m afraid of sounding like I’m gloating or shoving good things in the face of people who are hurting. But. I also want to share the joyful things in my life. And be grateful for them publicly as I am privately. I want to rewire my brain so that the first thing that comes to mind is not what’s wrong, but what’s right. I don’t want to do this in a fakey way, that sort of front really bothers me, but there has to be some genuine way to express gratitude and joy on a more regular basis. Pain isn’t the only genuine thing there is.

I want to process publicly some of my Bible reading and I have done so, but every time I’m afraid I might be stepping on someone’s toes or making someone angry at me. I don’t want to start fights but I also want to share stuff. I don’t want to mislead people, but I want to explore.

I’m trying so hard to accept that I’m happy doing what I like, but when “doing what I like” gives out on me because I’m emotional I get so angry and upset and fearful and I wonder if I’m really okay with that at all. Or is it just my mental illness acting out, then? It’s hard to tell if that’s what’s clouding my thought process and dampening my will to act.

Misc

I feel bad that my To Do Today or Today’s Goals posts are not working for me as well as they were at the start. It feels like failure.

I feel grief and anger and uncertainty about my family situation, both immediate and extended. I still don’t know how to balance the fact that I’ve split off to start a new family (just me and my fiancée, not kids) and that this one is supposed to be my priority, while still loving the family I grew up in. Or what love looks like with distance. What I’ve been engaging in doesn’t look or feel like actual relationship.

I want to bake. I want to bake lots of sweets. Apple pies, I want to make applesauce and jam (not baking, I know), I want to make lembas bread and chocolate chip cookies and ALL OF THE THINGS.

My area is a freaking mess and I need to fix that by tomorrow. And also make Miso soup for 5.

Stressed about trying to keep all aforementioned balls in the air without melting down or losing track of any.

I think there’s more. But. I’m tired. And I need to go to bed. And this… I think this helps. I’ve shelved a lot of brain skeins tonight. Maybe I’ll be a little more productive tomorrow.

[web1995]

the above image, while working well enough standalone, actually requires quite a bit of context, unlike many posts on this site. it is a screenshot of the sexy characters category page on the parody wiki, which is a site for articles about crossovers, spoofs, and parody scripts written in wiki-page format. it seems to function as a type of fanfiction and creative writing space, and to be curated informally. anyway, of the characters above, soleil spacebot is the only one that seemed totally unrecognizable 

clicking her parody wiki page is where things begin to get truly strange 

Soleil Spacebot is one the main characters in Nelvana's 1986 Animated Television Series, The Spacebots. She is the eldest of three sisters and has a crush on Sam Spacebot.

this information seems reasonable enough, and like it might be about an obscure but existing cartoon. soleils page has some basic information about her and some miscellaneous, confusing crossover information, like every page on the parody wiki. it lists her in various other categories, including “capable characters” and characters who are 19. at the time of beginning this post (early 2017), there were three drawings of her, with a similar style, and no screenshots. 

beneath these drawings are two pictures made in dollmakers. 

there were no other pictures on the page. visiting the spacebots page itself reveals the following: 

The Spacebots is a Canadian animated series produced by Nelvana. It ran from September 13, 1986 to November 28, 1992 and ran for 91 episodes. It features fictional characters including heroes and villains. The background music from The Care Bears Family is used in all episodes of the TV Series.

it also lists a cast of several characters, with credited voice actors:

the other characters have pages of varying complexity, with pictures in the same style. at this point the spacebots cartoon still seems like something that could exist, but googling it turns up only results from this wiki and similar wikis.

spacebots is mentioned on numerous cartoon, parody, spoof, movie idea, and similar fan wikis. 

if the spacebots cartoon never existed, it begins to raise questions. someone putting their original character in the sexy characters category on a spoof wiki isnt so startling. neither is someone framing this character as someone from an existing show-- this wiki and similar have pages about non-existing media

however, the level of detail and specificity is alarming. these characters have voice actors (some who turn up google results, some who dont) linked to them, with lists of other voice-acting work theyve done (including cartoons that dont seem to exist either). looking for more information on the spacebots turns up a page on a very badly organized nelvana wiki with more elaborate airing dates information. 

The Spacebots is a Canadian animated television series produced by Nelvana, which aired between 1986 and 1992 in syndication; on the ABC network, The CBN Family Channel from 1988 to 1992 and The Family Channel from 1992 to 1998.

by the way, this list of nelvanas programs has no mention of spacebots. 

at this time, on revisiting her page on the parody wiki some months after finding the information detailed in the first part of this post, several new pictures had been added— like this screenshot of soleil in the sims 4: 

there are various other tracings, redraws, or dressup game pictures of her: 

one of the new images is labeled “soleil spacebot in the reboot” and there are reboot designs for soleil’s siblings elsewhere on the parody wiki, as well as this image (from the youtubescratch wiki page for the spacebots) of a reboot poster: 

this is completely new— the person or people responsible for spacebots is actively working on the spacebots worldbuilding, creating new promotional materials for a nonexistent 2015 reboot (”The Spacebots (Reboot) 2015″) of a nonexistent 80s-90s cartoon. 

there are multiple spacebots reboot posters, but no information about the reboot itself yet, other than a page mentioning it being from 2015. this raises the question of whether soleil’s creator will continue adding to the worldbuilding surrounding their fictional show by citing more information about the reboot, or whether more information about the show’s plot and characters will be revealed (still no wiki pages or pictures for the character named “sour venus” which is disappointing!) or whether the additions will end here. 

spacebots’ storytelling medium and its metafiction layers are fascinating. the fiction here is as much the show’s premise, and the original characters existing within the cartoon’s story at all, as it is the circumstances of this show’s existence— voice actors, animation companies, airing dates, a reboot, and proper “credits” for nonexistent in-show music. 

so much more information is offered about the show’s production than about the actual plot and characters of the show. the fictional production may be the creator’s area of interest, rather than their original characters (though soleil IS listed as a sexy character and many painstakingly created images of her exist). 

the mode of publication is interesting too. spacebots doesn’t seem to be advertised anywhere else, only on these wikis, which have their own fanbases. the youtubescratch page says it was created by a “Miss-Trina-Mouse” (edited by others occasionally) which is also the username on an empty deviantart account created 9 months ago, by someone who says she is female and canadian. “trina mouse” seems to be a fan character for tom and jerry (apologies if trina mouse is an existing character; i do not remember every character of tom and jerry). 

(picture from the ideas wiki) this may be the closest thing to an avatar of the creator of the spacebots that currently exists, if Miss-Trina-Mouse is indeed the creator and not a new collaborator. Miss-Trina-Mouse is the creator of trina mouse’s page, and evidently the person currently updating spacebots pages with new or “corrected” information. on this page, the airing dates have been changed to other particular airing dates:  

(from this page’s edit history, for easier reading) the first page version is from august 25, 2016. the second edit was finished on march 30th, 2017. Miss-Trina-Mouse has evidently been working on spacebots for some time, and has continued to do so. the page itself was created on june 13th, 2015, by an IP address that may or may not belong to Miss-Trina-Mouse. 

Miss-Trina-Mouse does not seem to be the only person working on pages related to the spacebots, however. the edit history for a page about a nonexistent spacebots animated film, “operation system shutdown” reveals it was created by a Sarah61, edited by a Tobina the Tomboy (who has a detailed profile page on the animalcrossing wiki) and eventually edited by Miss-Trina-Mouse as well: 

whether these are aliases belonging to the same person, a group of friends, a group of acquaintances, fans of another person’s work, totally spontaneous or planned privately in detail all remains unclear. 

Tobina the Tomboy’s profile has pictures in a similar art style to the original soleil drawings, and says she is female, and canadian (like Miss-Trina-Mouse, which makes me wonder whether they are friends or perhaps alternate accounts of the same person). Tobina also lists her favorite animal crossing characters and overall seems to be an ordinary real profile. she has a similar profile on the mysims wiki, listing favorite and least favorite characters from that. i am not screencapping it, because it seems to simply be someone’s self-created public profile without any particularly unusual elements. Tobina and/or Miss-Trina-Mouse could be the spacebots’ creator(s), though, while Sarah61 is too common of a username to search easily, despite being the page’s creator. 

(i have little interest in seeking out more information about these contributors beyond what they make immediately available on their profiles, since it appears that they are ordinary nonfictional people with an interesting fictional hobby) 

perhaps it is silly to look so deeply into this project, and to want to know more about it so badly when it seems like it is something its creator(s) made for fun, and doesnt seem sinister in any way. however, the format is not like anything i have come across before, and the level of detail startles me almost as much as the difficulty in finding those details. the spacebots can only be sort-of understood by reading fragmented pages across many different wikis and every wiki reveals more information, some which can be searched to discover more about, and some which turns up no other results. there is even a 1987 NES video game mentioned on at least one wiki: 

everything about the spacebots, its presentation, and its continued existence is fascinating. looking into it has been a wild ride to say the least, and the amount of meticulous creative energy put into it is nothing short of admirable. 

if spacebots has been created in this way, how many similar unreal shows are out there, in the same format? i know little about wikis of this type, so is this a common creative method on them? is spacebots the creation of one person, or is it collaborative? does the original creator still have control of the concept or is a fan— fans?— permitted to update freely? is the initial creator still working on spacebots wiki pages at all? will more information about the spacebots reboot become available? how long has this been going on? is spacebots more like an art project, an ARG, informal original storytelling (like someone explaining their deviantart OCs), or something else entirely? 

i will close this post with a synopsis of the spacebots, found on the youtubescratch wiki page: 

The six Spacebots and their allies live in a sci-fi futuristic city called Spaceland. They have their magic powers, magical stars and magical hearts and they have to stop Commander Zurg and The Freakalien brothers from wrecking havoc and planning to destroy Spaceland. 

i hope that reading about my attempts at putting them together has been as interesting as i found making those attempts in the first place, and that the spacebots wiki pages will continue updating 

[funkymbtifiction]

Arohi: INFP. Sent further thoughts / explanations to the e-mail you submitted this through. (Since you did not answer me, I’m posting this so you will see it / be reminded to check your e-mail and to get it out of my inbox.)

Have a nice day. :)

Original post: Hi Charity, I filled this questionnaire from personality cafe. What do you think of it and infer from it? I know somethings are very stupid. Please dont mind it.

1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type? That I am a paradox. Also, the confusion springs more from the MBTI stereotypes than the personality itself. 2) What do you yearn for in life? Why? The thing that i want most out of life is for my life to be extraordinary. I want my life to have meaning. I want to live it in a way that makes me happy. I believe that there is a blank canvas of life in front of me and i have to paint it beautifully. I want to create my life story as meaningful and unconventional. I yearn to live a life that contents my soul to its core. I want my story to engraved in the he I yearn for such a life but am unable to take any action to make it so. Just hope that one day I’ll be able to. 3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way. I am unable recall any such moment. 4) What makes you feel inferior? A lot of things (incidences) and people (especially the popular kids who get whatever they want because they have connections) make me feel inferior. People who are able to charm their way into this world, those who are really good at things that i want to be good at but am not makes me feel inferior and sends me on a self critical mood. I am very conscious about what others think of me and if their opinion is not favorable than i feel inferior. 5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.) Mostly I do what I want to do. But sometimes my mom really gets into my mind whilst making decision. She makes me believe that my decisions are immature and inadequate and that what she is saying is right. There’s something in her that compels my decisions to work on her whims and wishes. And if i am able to fight her compulsions then too there lingers a feeling of doubt in my head and i really hate it. In short, some people do intermingle with my decision making process by making me feel my decisions are stupid. And this irritates me a lot. Also my opinions bounces a lot based on external factors. 6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome? See I truly want to work on projects and make it the best I can but I procrastinate a lot and so my projects are always the last minute deal. This leaves me with very little emphasis on its creativity and material and leads me to focus more on the limited time frame. Thus the outcome is very different from what i imagine it to be (when we get the project). 7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?  I don’t really have a specific time as fun and boredom are part and parcel of life but yeah my time in 8th grade was the the most fun I ever had in my life. My memory of that time consists of the particular incidences that made that time epic (comically speaking). My friends and our group was the best thing that happened to me that year. Also, i made one true friend for life in the mentioned class so that year means a lot to me. 8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc) Well, I want to learn a lot of new things but as soon as I start them , I loose my interest and then leave them. It’s only under pressure that I am able to complete tasks or when I am VERY determined to do it. I don’t know about my approach to learning something new. Usually it’s a mix of many approaches. 9) How organized do you to think of yourself as? Well, I have heard I was very organized as a child but since I have grown up, I have become very lazy . Very few things remain organized in my life. 10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it? Well new ideas are interesting. It offers innovative ways of looking at things. But i experience difficulty in accepting new ideas that threaten to complex or change the way I look at things. e.g. I was quite interested when I got to know about MBTI It was fun. But then I came across cognitive functions and thought why are they making it so complicated, “I am not going to get any further into it”. But then I read more and more about it and realized that it was necessary to make it complex for better understanding. To summarize, my first reaction is “This is insane” but then I try to know more about it a deeper my understanding of it and then I am like “ Actually, It’s not that insane”. 11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself? Well the answer to this might be biased so I won’t answer this. 12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions? I always think before speaking. But sometimes i speak utter nonsense and then realize what i said and feel embarrassed about it.  One on one conversation- Always and Forever. 13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words? I would say i react impulsively on things but don’t really jump into actions. But when I do, I have to know exactly where to land. Well some of it also depends on situation. In my case, neither the action nor the words speak any better. I believe that every person has his own way to contribute but just blabbing about what you can contribute is not enough, you have to take action to give your words meaning. 14) It’s Saturday. You’re at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do? Well if they are my closest friends then i will be torn apart between the show and the night out. I think I’ll go for the night out because you know there’s always netflix. But it is not very easy for me to miss on the things i hold dear. 15) How do you act when you’re stressed out? I start to freak out if what’s happening around me is real or not. I’ll give you an example, I had to give my very first board examinations and i knew that my examination center was my school only but the moment i reached there i started freaking out that i have not confirmed it with anyone and what if i am wrong. I knew that it was my center but still harbored doubts against this knowledge for no reason. And that doubt prevailed until i was seated in the examination hall. 

Also i start to feel starved and want more food especially tasty food to get me going. I become very nervous and start experiencing shortness of breath. During my exams, i keep looking at the clock and start worrying if i’ll be able to complete my syllabus within the stipulated time but the time keeps flying off.  16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people? I dislike whosoever offends me no matter what personality type they have. 17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people? As long as I am with someone who has a special place in my heart and who I want to talk to incessantly , the topic of the conversation does not matter. And to those i dislike, i also dislike having any conversation with regardless of the topic. 18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life I don't like reading newspapers and listening to the news. My G.K. is very weak because i am not really interested in those stuff. I hate discussions about business and countries’ growth rates and census, share markets, etc. because i have no idea what these terms mean and don’t understand discussions about these topics. So my least interested area of attention is anything related to commerce. (19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? ? What would your friends never say about your personality ? My friends perceive me as kind, thoughtful, sweet, simple, loving but at the same time boring, too serious, melancholic and withdrawn. They are not wrong in their perceptions as I am like that infront of them but there’s a lot deeper and sometimes darker traits of my personality that I keep hidden from them. They would never say that I am sociable even for the sake of being social. 20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing? Well, I can spend the entire day just listening to music and creating fragments of stories in my mind relating to what has been going in my life mixed with what i want to happen in my life and the music gives it a background effect. Also it depends a lot on what I want to do at that particular time.

[vicerions]

rant

tl;dr: it's really sad to see that artists are reduced to machines solely used for profit by entertainment agencies. i know it's a case-to-case basis but in general, idols really suffer a lot so we should respect their decision when they don’t resign with their agency after their contract expires and move on with their lives.

so let’s start by putting you in the shoes of, say, an idol.

disclaimer: im not pointing at anyone specific. just my two-cents.

stolen childhood. no you dont get to play like other kids. at a very young age you have to choose between education and a half-baked dream. (though there are many idols who truly wanted to pursue a singing/acting/dancing/idol career, i get really sad when i read pre-debut accounts of how some idols were scouted because of their visuals and got blinded by promises of good pay).

business is business, after all.

'hey you look really good and you can sing do you want to spend a decade working for us? we'll pay you but only if you're successful, ok?' and you say 'ok' because you're just turning 14 and being famous and rich doesn't sound so bad. you think you will improve. of course, you will. you're young and determined and the company will provide training coaches.

the trainee system is all good and you make some friends until they announce a debut group then things start to get nitty-gritty at practice. training coaches have favorites. you have to look good when your seniors peak in the practice studio. your every move will be scrutinized by the management. how were you as a student? iljin rumors will do you no good. talent, where's your talent? if you think you're good at singing or dancing, there will always be someone far superior than you. you're really stressed and you know you shouldn’t engage in vices but the temptation is always there.

you've spent years training then one day someone will walk-in armed with a full arsenal of talent, looks, variety gag and star quality. they will train with you but you know they're already included in the line-up of the debut group. there are people like this but you can't afford to be angry at them. they are likeable and with oozing charisma even that you can't even deny that they are made for this. 

are you?

hard-work really isn't everything. IF and when you finally debut, netizens will get to decide if you're a rookie legend or a flop depending on your debut song, something you have no control of since it's entirely the company's decision. if your debut isn't received well and you are from a smaller agency it will be a hundred times harder to climb that ladder.

you have to appease the general public to protect your reputation as well as your company's and your group's. this means dating bans, meet-up bans, sns account bans, phone bans, all kinds of bans. delete any traces of all your previous sns accounts. say bye-bye to your friends who are out of the industry. we strongly advice you to break-up if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend because if it wasn't already hard, it will be harder from now on. talk to your parents for days because you won't be seeing them for a long time. do this, don't do that. we don't like your accent.

there are the extremist fans who expect nothing less than perfect. sasaengs lingering at your doorstep at 3am. when you search for articles with your name on it, sometimes you read more negatives than positives. and you don't understand why because you're just working your ass off and trying your best since the beginning.

there are comments that point out how you look fat on-screen. that you have bad skin. that you have an attitude problem because someone outside the dressing room caught you pulling your stylist's coat off her shoulders while looking angry when in reality she asked you to do it because her hands are busy fixing your hair and you just woke up from a nap and your resting bitch face didn't really help. that you are disrespectful because you didn't bow to a senior who passed in front of you when in reality you have bad eyesight and you honestly didn't notice. that you and xxxxxx might be dating because your bracelets look like couple bracelets when in reality you haven't said a word to each other but fans are already cursing you in your instagram posts. 

you do a v-app and people are asking you where is this member or that member instead of sending you questions. it irks you since you’re the one doing the live and maybe you just aren’t enough, but of course, you can’t get angry so you smile and politely tell them where the other members are and why they can’t do the v-app with you.

you try pumping out self-composed songs and pitching ideas for music videos but sometimes things just don’t get the cut. so you have to market yourself more, get those acting and cf and mc gigs. it doesn’t matter if it’s only a one-minute guesting appearance- you just have to get yourself out there and make connections because you can’t rely on your company to do everything.

your group got signed for variety shows and guestings and reality shows. but you realize everything's the same fabricated stuff no matter how 'real' they get cut and edited. not all seniors are good. some will take advantage of your mandatory respect for them. let's go out for a couple of drinks. you know if you get caught by the public, you are done for because most of the time seniors have the upperhand. especially male seniors. so you politely decline. it’s better to seek refuge in your group members and other same-aged idol friends and old trainee acquaintances to stay out of the radar. better safe than sorry.

there will be times when your company will strike a deal with you or maybe they don't tell you until it's out there. something for publicity. you're lucky if the public feedback is good but most of the time it's just backlash. they don't mind throwing you under the bus. your group isn't doing well and everyone knows they have to debut another one soon.

you are overworked and underpaid. your creativity and individuality are suppressed because you have to maintain the kind of image your group has and what your company wants you to project. your friends have graduated from college. you are thankful and love your fans and your members and your managers but you realize you’re not getting any younger. 

you want to finish college too and have a family and kids. maybe try a different line of work while you still can. and when you finally finally make that choice for yourself, everyone turns at you for being the ungrateful person you are.

unpopular opinion: an idol not renewing their contract, as well as group disbandment shouldn’t always be treated as something negative. as a fan, yes, it is disheartening but we should also think about the sake of our idols.

(unless, of course, they get played by their companies. now that is downright oppressive and wrong) 

being an idol is a job. it’s not fairyland where you sing and dance as you please. idols work to pay their trainee debts if they have any, their parents’ debts, as well. they work to give their families a better life, to send their siblings to school. just because you see them wearing name branded clothing it doesn’t mean it’s personally theirs. companies set aside a budget for their clothing so they would look more presentable to the public. another form of marketing.

idols are human, too. miss me with that robotic response of being an idol because they ‘want to stand on stage’ bullshit. maybe some of them are true, yes, but certainly not all of them. they are normal people with imperfections, varied interests in life and varied mental capabilities. 

they want to be happy, too. they have sacrificed a lot to entertain the public and get them to support their music. they have suffered more than than they gained to make their fans happy. to earn money. to live their dreams. to make good music. 

their lives are not yours to control. buying albums or going to their fansigns does not equate to you having the right to demand things of them. you can’t expect them to still be on stage after ten or so years singing and dancing just because you told them to.

as fans, don’t you think we should be the ones making them happy?

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”

[robertbassweb]

The 3 Keys to Success

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The 3 Keys to Success

The 3 Keys to Success

How to make a success of your life? How to have the right mindset to be successful, successful? What advice to become an actor in your life?  Learn more about the 3 keys to success.

If you want to have success in your projects, achieve your goals, you must imperatively understand that it is you who are the pilot of your life, it is you who are in control of your life!

Indeed, the choices you make will have a direct impact on the results you will get. Faced with the same situation, you have several choices, you can decide to suffer or decide to act, to take charge.

The outcome will depend on the decision you make !!

  The 3 keys to success factors

Becoming aware that you are 100% responsible for your life through the choices you make is the first key to having the right mindset, and to transforming your life. It is a key success factor, become an actor of your life rather than a spectator!

Another key success factor is taking action.

To get what you want, you have to give yourself the means, do it differently.

What will make the difference between a person who succeeds in changing their life and a person who stays in the same place is ACTION.

Do you want to know how to succeed?

Look at how successful people in your field have done it, ask yourself the right questions: how did they do it? What have they put in place to succeed and achieve their goals?

Take inspiration from their paths to adapt it to you.

And remember that YOU are in control of your life, it is you who decide by the choices you make.

  My personal opinion

This is my opinion, my philosophy and vision about the 3 keys to success.

Your opinion may diverge and I invite you not to hesitate to give your opinion in comment!

Note that all quotes in English are from Gary Vaynerchuk.

For those who don’t know it yet, I’m a complete fan. He thinks exactly like me and is excellent at communicating so I borrow his quotes while giving him credit.

Here are the 3 keys to success:

  Key # 1 – The Work

“Work Hard or Work Smart? … Do both. ” – Gary Vee

To succeed in business, you must not be afraid of working hard. You should understand that it is possible that you have weeks of 80 hours and more.

You also have to understand that, especially at the beginning, you have to be ready to put those hours.

If you want to keep the security of a full-time job in addition to your business, you will clearly have no choice but to work evenings and weekends to reach your goals.

That said, you also have to work smart. You need a process, tools and the support you need to make your job as easy as possible.

You need a team that will be able to fill your weak spots even if only on demand.

You should learn to delegate certain tasks rather than trying to learn everything yourself in the hopes of reducing your costs.

Personal example: I don’t write as well in English as in French. I manage, of course, but I would clearly take 2 times more time to make a “perfect” text in English.

So I’m dealing with a superb Ghostwriter who writes my English-speaking articles. I give her the subject, I pay her, and she lays me a great article in 48 hours or less. So I save a lot of time at this level.

And your time is precious; you can’t have more. You can make better use of it by optimizing your processes, but you will never have more than 24 hours in your day.

  Key # 2 – Creativity

“Creativity is the Variable of Success.” – Gary Vee

One of my favourite quotes. Be creative. If you do nothing to stand out from the 380,276 competitors you have, you are an option on those 380,276. Your chances of winning are therefore… 1 in 380,276.

On the other hand, if what you do is unique or only … 20 people do things like you.

Your chances of winning have just increased to 1 in 20. Much more interesting!

And being creative is at full level:

Be creative in your communications.

Be creative in your products.

Be creative in your services.

Be creative in your use of Facebook.

Be creative in your contact with your customers.

Be creative in the experience you offer.

Be creative in your relationship development.

Be creative in your loyalty strategies.

Be creative … in everything you do.

Basically, be creative in how to be creative!

Stand out so that you are noticed and that you are not forgotten. And so that we don’t forget you!

  Key # 3 – Corporate Culture

“Doing the right thing is always the right thing. to do” – Gary Vee

Create relationships with your customers. Make it your primary goal, before you even make money, to help people.

This is the winning mindset for success these days. And it’s the winning mindset for long-term success. Because 2019 is good, but will you be in 2029? If you still want to run your business, start thinking long term today.

I don’t want to scare anyone, but we’ve had steady economic growth for the past 8 years. It is one of the longest consecutive periods of growth.

What does that mean? Well yes, eventually (probably in not long) we will be entitled to an economic crisis. For those who have been in business for less than 8 years, you have never experienced this. You must be ready.

Going back to the corporate culture, if your intentions are pure and the well-being of your customers and fans is really important to you, you can only succeed.

If you are starting out in entrepreneurship, you are probably alone or have a small team. Each of your actions will create your Corporate Culture.

Whenever you speak with a customer, whenever you resolve a concern, each time you write an article. Basically, every time you do something in your business will enhance your Corporate Culture.

You need to make sure that the way you act is the way you want your partners and future employees to act.

You must, as quickly as possible, formalize your corporate culture and share it, teach it, to the people with whom you will do business.

And once again, I strongly urge you to put your customer relationships at the center of your corporate culture .

This way there, against the wind and the tide, your customers will support you. If you take care of them, they will take care of you when you need them.

    The 3 keys to success video

Date: 2018-09-04 15:27:13

Your Road Straight to Success: https://ift.tt/2Z1SDP4

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If you desire to become better, or successful at something, this article will provide you the foundation to get started. Chances are, no matter what your current income, relationship, or job situation is, you wouldnt mind being more successful.

Of course, the term success is unique to you. You must first define success and then determine what you want to be successful at.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing. -Abraham Lincoln

The first step to becoming successful is to emulate the ones whove already done it. You know the saying: dont recreate the wheel.

  #1 Get a Mentor

All successful people have credited at least one influential person or mentor in their life. Mentors not only provide support but also challenge your thoughts and actions.

Not to prove whos right or wrong, but to open your horizons, offer other options, challenge pre-conceived ideas, and truly help you discover who you are.

A mentor will never accept the phrase: I dont know, its just always been that way! because a mentor believes you control your future.

  #2 Be Healthy Live Breathe Think Eat: Health.

We all know healthy living (exercise) and eating is important.

However, for the road to true success, its not enough. Its imperative your mind yes, every thought supports your decision to be successful.

Be aware of negative self-talk or thoughts. They will put a stop to your success faster than anyone or anything else. Which means you may have to re-program your thoughts. To do this, continuously reaffirm the fact you are attaining your goal.

Notice I didnt say you will attain your goal. The key is to focus on your thoughts, not your actual actions. Why? Your mind does not know the difference between fact and make-believe. By repeatedly saying youre successful, your mind will accept it as fact.

Once your entire being functions at 100%, nothing will stop you. Roadblocks become hurdles, hurdles become rocks in the road. Rocks become great stories along the way. All things will be possible.

  #3 Put Blinders On Only focus on your goal.

Henry Ford once said, Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Keep your eyes on your goal and dont look around.

Success (whatever that may mean to you) can be attained by anyone especially you. With your eyes on the goal, a mentor to guide you, and a healthy attitude, you offer yourself no other possibility than to succeed.

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    Resources:

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