#because spock didnt have kirk and it felt so wrong

[moonlit-orchid]

A spock

A kirk

Now

KISSSSSS-

[letteredlettered]

Do you have any complaints about HP canon, and if so, what are they? For example I know a lot of people really dont like that Draco didnt get a redemption arc, but your work seems to really thrive off of a close reading of canon Draco in a way I think a lot of fanfic just cant because hes like... a very bad person. Its made me wonder if you are very... canon positive? I guess? Or more positive than most, maybe.

I have too many complaints about HP canon to list in an ask, but I can try to list some of them. First I want to say that choosing to use canon to inform your fic has less to do with whether or not you like the canon and more to do with what you like or want from fanfic. If you don’t like that Draco wasn’t redeemed, you can write a fic that posits he is redeemed and so that canon doesn’t have to be dealt with. Or, you can write a fic that shows how he gets redeemed or deals with the fact of his redemption to show what canon could have been. I obviously prefer the latter style, though I respect anyone’s choice to write in the former style. I can’t say I always understand the former style, but I respect the fact that people want to do it and should if that’s what they want.

I will say that I’m not sure I’ve ever written a fic that’s fully canon compliant, and I can’t quite imagine wanting to. Most of my fics a response to canon--they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, that I wish was in canon; or they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, and I don’t want to be in canon, but I still want to be explored. I wish the MCU would actually deal with the responsibility of wielding outsized power of destruction, so I wrote MCU fics. I do not want Schitt’s Creek to deal with the darkness of David Rose’s trauma or past, but I was still interested in it, so I wrote darker SC fic. I love Star Trek TOS, but I want to see Kirk and Spock hook up, so I wrote TOS fic.

There are a few things where I like the canon just the way it is, so I don’t write fic for it. Rainbow Rowell’s Carry On series is just what I want. I don’t need to write fic.

Back to my complaints with HP canon, the major problem I had was a lot of set up without the follow-through I expected or desired. I discussed that in my tumblr posts about Ron and Ginny. The set up of the Harry Potter universe is rather black and white, which I appreciate--it’s easy to get invested; it’s easy to consume. You know who the good guys are right away, and there’s no more complication. LOTR is rather like that, and I love it. But then HP begins to deconstruct its premise--James Potter was good, but he wasn’t kind. Dumbledore was trying to stop Voldemort, but he wasn’t honest. Snape is a horrible person, but he’s trying to do the right thing. This is my favorite sort of story, the one that starts black and white--vampires are evil; the robots will kill us, and the Gems that didn’t rebel are the enemy. Then a vampire earns his soul, or you find out you’re a robot, or--well, actually I didn’t like where Stephen Universe really went with that, but you get the picture. The Harry Potter series began the process of turning its own premise inside out, but somewhere in Halfblood Prince, that got too hard, and things began to snap back to their original shape. Good is good, actually, and bad people will always be bad.

One example of this is the death of Voldemort. Harry is set up as a mirror to Voldemort. Their pasts are very similar. Harry even feels compassion for Voldemort. At several different points, Harry is faced with the fact that he has to kill Voldemort. But Harry never has to deal with killing Voldemort, or with making a decision to spare Voldemort. In the end, Voldemort causes his own end as a result of his own destructive tendencies. This makes me feel that the text is suggesting that Voldemort deserves death. The idea that anyone “deserves” death for bad things they’ve done is not something I believe in or ascribe to. But even if it is the argument the text wants to make--what was the point of showing us that Tom Riddle was lonely, hurt, feared, and probably mistreated? The point really appears to be to show that two boys can have the same background and one turns out good while the other turns out bad, because goodness is inherent to some people while evil is inherent to others. I find this conclusion abhorrent, but I feel the conclusion is ultimately borne out by plenty of other aspects of the HP books.

The other example is Draco’s lack of redemption. I do not think villains have to be redeemed. The world has proven that shitty people can remain shitty. I also appreciate stories that show us the humanity of shitty people. A story about someone who is faced with thier bad choices but continues to make bad choices because they’re too afraid to do otherwise can be a good story. But I guess with Draco, I felt like I saw enough of his inner turmoil to understand why his heart would change, but not a thorough explanation of why it wouldn’t. Combined with many other similar characterizations in HP canon, it just feels like more essentialism--bad people are bad, and that’s how it is. I don’t mean there’s no nuance--as I said, the series does begin to deconstruct its own premise; we even saw how the Trio could be shitty. But ultimately they make the right choices. The characters who make the wrong choices generally continue to make them, except for Snape and Dudley. My complaint with those two representing a change of heart is that we don’t get to see the actual painful process of what that looks like--Snape’s happens pre-canon and there is too little of Dudley to show what is going on in Dudley’s brain.

The last thing I absolutely hate about HP is a lot of the “bad” characters tend to be overweight or unappealing in appearance. It’s true that a lot of this might be Harry’s POV--maybe Snape actually is the sex god some fics make him out to be, and Harry just he’s greasy because he doesn’t like him, and maybe Harry doesn’t like a good hook nose (I do). Additionally, Lockhart is very pretty, and while I want to firmly stress that Draco is never describes as good-looking, he’s not really described as ugly, and I believe Narcissa is even described as beautiful. But the book isn’t written in close third-person Harry POV, and “pointy” isn’t very flattering. Unkind words and stereotypes are used throughout to highlight the badness or evil of almost all the characters we’re not “supposed to” like. The descriptions of the Dursleys in particular are upsetting.

In my opinion, the  above examples demonstrate a lack of compassion at the heart of the HP story. That’s what I’ve always hated about it and what always made me want to write about it. I want to write and say, “Look at this. This is fucked up. This is wrong.” Some people don’t read fic for that reason, and I think that’s fine. Plenty of those people really hate my fic, which is also fine. I know that many things in this world lack compassion, and I don’t spend years of my life writing fanfic about them. I think the reason I keep coming back is to me, the premise was unkind--which I was fine with, and then the text itself began to deconstruct itself--which I was overjoyed by. It made me fall in love with the series. But when the premise snapped back to an essentially black and white world, I felt betrayed.

In conclusion, I find HP at its very essence to be unkind. Ursula K Le Guin said it best when she said that it was “ethically rather mean-spirited.”

[calliecat93]

Star Trek 2009... so... very mixed.

Let’s do the good first. The cinematography is really good. It FEELS like a futuristic time period moreso than TOS, but tbf the films have the advantage of being closer to modern day and being able to match the evolved times. Still, it’s very much a movie that wanted to look good and did. The acting for most pf the cast was good and I don’t have an issue with any of the reboot cast. No Chris Pine isn’t Shatner (and that’s a good thing) nor is Zachary Quinto Leonard Nimoy. But they and the others did their jobs well and I’m glad they all did their own thing and not just copy their predecessors. Simon Pegg as Scotty I really enjoyed amd I like his new friend XD And while I’m... mixed about the direction taken if only because it makes me sad, Leonard Nimoy returning as the Spock we’ve known or so long was lovely, especially when he and Quinto!Spock meet.

Some moments were good. I actually almost teared up when Kirk’s dad died because the actors just put so much emotion into it. I can’t say that there was no effort put into this. They tried to add emotion and meaning and depth. They tried to give Kirk and Spock (and yes, Bones being even MORE of a third wheel than normal REALLY pisses me off) depth and connect the audiences to them and form that connection with each other that we’re so familiar with. I respect that. I respect the effort. I’ve seen reboots that don’t give a damn, but it didn’t feel that way to me here especially with Nimoy!Spock showing that this may be different, but the original very much still exists.

That being said... I have some big issues, especially with Kirk. This is NOT James Tibirius Kirk. This is the pop culture depiction of Kirk that the filmmakers decided was better to go with than the actual character. And no, this being an alternate timeline and him being younger than in canon is NOT a valid excuse. I got told that the death of Kirk’s dad changed the course of history... but I fail to understand how THAT caused Kirk to be an arrogant, cocky, reckless idiot. Might be because his parents NEVER came up in the show so how can any TOS fans get that point if the show never went into it? I know I joke about Kirk doing something dumb, but TOS!Kirk was a perfectly smart, optimistic, level-headed individual who yeah WOULD go against Starfleet at times, but usually did so with good reason. Hell didn’t TOS say that he was overly serious int he academy amd lightened up as he got older? How did the timeline changes change that? Anyways! It felt like they wanted this Kirk to just be a standard action hero and didn’t bother to check if it fit the characterization, or do anything to justify the change aside from ‘different reality’. Like woth the Kobayashi Maru, it’s to emphasize Kirk’s cockiness here...when in WoK it emphasized Kirk’s optimism and hope. How he NEVER believed that there was a true no-win scenario. There was LWAYS a way. Don’t get me wrong, Kirk isn’t horrible and has the ability to become more like his TOS self, but first impressions are everything, and they failed here. Chris Pine was good though, I could actually picture how he played Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman fitting a Reboot Kirk pretty well but alas. Also his captaincy wasn’t earned nor is he mature enough to hold the position. It got handed to him because canon says so, and that is bullshit.

Spock was... fine. Far as characterization goes I don’t really have any issues. He’s not TOS Spock but again he shouldn’t be. It’s hard for me to find the words on how he’s different aside from being younger and seeming a little more resentful about the half-human, half-Vulcan thing, but it still works well enough. He and Sarek also seem on better terms in this continuity, and that I do like since it’s different, but consideirng the circumstances he needs that kind of solace and it allows exploration of their relationship in a more supportive light. Didn’t like Spock marooning Kirk like he did, but it does connect to his arc showing how emotional repression is affecting him, so ah well. I DO have issues with some of the directions taken though. His relationship with Uhura has no establishment nor development and comes across as being there for the sake of having a romance in there without the work. And no I’m not just saying that as a Spones/Spirk/McSpirk shipper. It WOULD have been fine if they actually WORKED ON DEVELOPING IT ON-SCREEN. And how did the timeline changes cause that when Uhura and him flirted like... once in TOS and it was one-sided on Uhura’s part anyways?! It sucks especially since I really like Reboot Uhura. I also don’t like them destroying Vulcan cause that feels like overkill on the angst, but at least they have an explanation for it. I DO however despise them killing Amanda and ESPECIALLY how they did it. Amanda is relegated tot he standard ‘pure hearted mom who we have to kill to hurt this character’ and considering how she died via a crumbling cliff just as transport started, the ‘changed timeline’ explanation is bull. Again I appreciate them trying to add more character stuff, but I very much disagree with the choices. But as far as the character himself is concerned, I was good with Spock andI did genuinely care for and feel bad for him.

Bones... oh baby you deserved so, SO much better. Characterization wise,he was the most like his TOS self. He comes across as more gruff than cranky,but that’s mainly due to Karl Urban being younger than DeForest Kelley. Otherwise he was funny, endearing, loyal to Jim, and Urban did a lovely job making the character his own but honoring his predecessor. Will also give them credit as Bones has a damn good reason to dislike Spock after he marooned Jim like he did. The film didnt give a damn about McCoy tbh, but we’ll get to that in a bit. But to put it short, I really liked Bones, but he REALLY needed more screentime which from what I can tell, isn’t gonna happen until Beyond. But as far as the character goes, I felt like they got his best though the lack of focus reason may very well be why that is. Very least I got fanon to satisfy my needs.

Now we get to my biggest criticism: The Triumvirate is non-existent here, nor does it form within the film. Again, I blame pop culture depiction as I imagine they went ‘we need Kirk and Spock to be close together and Bones is that guy who is Jim’s other best friend who has witty lines but ain’t Kirk and Spock so who cares?’. Which especially baffles me sonce the arguments Kirk and Spock have regaridng emotion? That’s MCCOY’S role. They got the Kirk and Spock relationship completely and utterly wrong. Nor do I feel like the film dod enough to form the relationship between the two. It just feels like they became friends because the plot said so, not out of genuine understanding and care. Kirk was one of, if not the first to accept Spock for who he was and respect him. That’s what made the relationship special. But their edforts to establish it here just fall flat because they made Kirk Spock’s opposite, aka McCoy’s role. McCoy is the one who challenges Spock. The one who pushes him to consider the emotional. He can be harsh, but it is a dynamic that worked. Kirk os their balance. The one who keeps the two in check and they in turn represented the two sides (mind and heart) that he (the body/soul) needed to make the proper decisions. But because of the choices made with Kirk and Bones, the balance is theown off. Spock is more or less fine but Bones loses his importance while Kirk has his character skewed to make it work. General audiences may not be able to tell, but as someone who just watched all of TOS and those films two weeks ago? I could, and it hurt the film significantly imo. Also kind of wish they emphasized that Spock ALSO needs Bones and the rest of the crew, not just Jim because emphasis on just one relationship ALWAYS annoys me, especially since again, they didn’t do well to form it here to begin with. So yeah they missed the aspect that made me love TOS, so needless to say I am displeased. I plan to do a full film review in the future so I won’t say how I’d improve it, especially since hindsight is 20/20, but yeah not happy.

Otherwise, the film is fine. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu,and Chekov are fine, the former two I especially enjoyed. The plot is fone. Nero is a boring villain but for a start, it’s okay. I didn’t like Vulcan’s destruction at alla nd what that means for Spock, but we’ll see how the other two films continue this. I don’t know how I feel about Prime Spock because it just makes me... depressed that he has to accept never going home (even if Bones and the others are dead it just feels... wrong) but I DO appreciate that they included Nimoy and he was just as fantastic as he had been all those years ago. I have so many problems with characterization and plot points, but tbf that’s from someone who just went through TOS. As far as a general audience goes, they likely won’t have that filter and some may be more of the ‘timeline changed so this stuff changed’ explanation than I, a media consumer who has seen this happen over and over again to varying degrees of success’, may be. Otherwise the film was fine. If you like action and want a blockbuster, this one is for you. But I’m in it for characterization and story and while the latter worked well enough in the general sense,t he former was severely lacking. So while it was okay and it got me excited/to laugh a few tomes, overall I didn’t care for the film. Will Into Darkness be any better? Well... from what I can tell no. But I also need to make my own judgements, so onward we go.

[startreckobsessed]

Request: Can I get Kirk x reader where reader is just completely oblivious to Kirk's feelings because she's just horrible at social stuff and she ignores her feelings for Kirk because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship but then after shit hits the fan (yet again) there is a feelings reveal?

Summery: Socially awkward but badass security officer and the crew go down to a foreign planet for some innocent fun and he accidentally offends a mob boss.

You'd known of him at the academy; the rumors and whispers of George Kirk's son, the reckless, charming cadet that had been the only person to ever pass the kobiashu Maru, and the blue eyes that made your heart thud unevenly. Yes, even before you had even exchanged words you had been intrigued. And you were only pulled even deeper into the whirlwind that was Jim Kirk once you had.

At first it was playful, you were part of his crew, his chosen family, even if you had only met in passing. Joking words and shoulder bumps in the elevator, knowing smiles. You remember how your cheeks felt like they were on fire whenever he did that. You had seen him act the same with Bones, even playfully jabbing fingers into Spocks sides whenever he picked on him. You had just assumed that was the way he was

once or twice even hiding him from "the madman with the hypos drunk on power." you had chuckled, shaking your head as the doctor stalked down the hall passed, somehow missing the captain curled behind you around the corner, muttering agitated to himself as he rakes a hand through his hair.

When he had passed you turned around, crossing your arms and quirking a brown while trying to contain a smile."Y'know, someday your going to make him snap, and we'll all pay for it." He smirked slightly.

"Be careful, kid." You say, shaking your head and turning to leave, not before he grabbed your wrist, your pulse jumping at the contact as his thumb caressed the soft skin of your wrist. "I was wondering." He gulped "if you would join some of the others, and me-" "who would be there?" You ask quickly, not sure if you were ready for a social event with strangers, your heart sped in panic at the thought of embarasing yourself somehow, your other hand flew up so you could bite your nails, a nervous tick that you'd often been reprimanded for many times, but couldn't help. "Spock, Bones, Uhaura, Scotty-" you gulped. That was a lot of people.

"Umm, yeah, sure." You stumbled out, before you could regret it. His face brightened up, and he stood taller. "Great! We're just going to have a few drinks, at this place Uhaura found down planet side. Meet us at the transporter room at eight." You nodded, whizzing down the hall before he could draw you in again with his words.

It was painful, sometimes, knowing you would never have him. Someone so charming, and important would never want to be with an unnamed redshirt.

You loved him because he was good, you shiver when you remembered general Marcus, Jim's rushed, pleading voice as he begged let my crew go.

His words echo in your mind when you roll around in your bed sometimes at night and can't sleep, the darkness of your quarters becomes suffocating as you remember the nightmarish event. Once or twice you had shot up in bed, gasping his name at the memory, tears gathering in your eyes.

You were in love with your captain. And you knew you could never tell him.

You had changed into your shore leave clothes, a strange, jittery feeling pulsing through you. You shake out your arms, puffing out your cheeks, exhaling. "Its just drinks" you say, staring into the reflection of your eyes. "That's it. Simple."

Oh how wrong you were.

When you arrived on the bridge, all chatter stopped, and everyone's eyes turned to you. You smile, gripping your bag. "Y/N!" Jim called, treading over, spraying his hand on your upper back. "Come meet everyone." He said steering you over to a beautiful woman with a playful glint in her eyes. You would be lying if you said you weren't slightly star strick by the famous bridge linguinist "Nyota, this is Y/N." She smiled at you and the tension inside you melted a little. "Hello, Y/N." "Nice to meet you." You say.

He quickly introduces you to the rest of the group, the CMO's eyebrow arching as Kirk spoke your name, leaning in to give your hand a firm shake. You said hello to Scotty, whom you had met several times before during your shifts, you had always liked the odd Scott, always felt a strange sort of comfort whenever you two interacted. "Spock!" Jim called, clapping the shoulder of the first officer "you ready for tonight?" "As much as one can be for a "crazed night on the town" he said, glancing over at your slightly firmiliar form. Not wanting to be rude he steps away from Nyota and introduces himself. "I am commander Spock, and you are officer Y/L/N if I am correct?" You nodded with a slight smile.

You didn't see the way Jim watched the interaction almost with exhitenent, hands behind his back. Leonard nudged him in the side with a knowing look. Jim could almost hear him saying.

your staring again.

-----------------------------

The lights pulsed red as Nyota pulled you through throngs of diverse species by your hand to the bar, you looked up at the glitching menu, unsure. You bit your bottom lip, smiling unconciously when Jim slid into the stool next to you. You didnt notice that he had cut off a woman that was about to sit there, so he could be next to you. A low, gargled voice hissed at him in an unfirmiliar tounge. "Captain!" Uhaura hissed from next to you. "You've shown disrespect. Get out of the seat."

Jim pouted jokingly, turning to speak to her. Long husk like teeth sprung up from her lower jaw, all of them had green patterned skin that swirled like a piccaso painting.

"I sincerely apologise, I just wanted to sit with my friends here." His hand swung out to gesture to the crew, but one of her men caught his arm and threw it back against his chest. Jim's eyes w8dened as they closed in around you both. Your eyes flashed to his face, his hands curled into fists and his lips flattened in a thin line.

"Calm down cupcake." He said clasping him on the shoulder to try to ease some of the tension. Her anterage hissed. Both of your eyes met, and you launched yourself into action.

Picking up a glass from the bar you smashed it over the goons head in front if you, kicking him in the ribs sending him flying into another table. Another rushed at you, you gripped the edge of the bar and kicked up, wrapping your legs around his neck and choking him. You saw Spock rise form the corner of your eye, going to two Kirk was struggling with, placing his hands on both their necks and pinching. They both collapse onto the floor. The man between your legs gags before collapsing from being deprived of oxygen. The boss stood off to the side, hissing when you made eye contact with her.

Uhaura took Jim by the ear, giving it a good yank before turning to you. "Let's go before they send reinforcements." She rolls her eyes.

You all made it outside, and were quickly beamed aboard. Before you could make it off the pad to escape to your room, his hand wrapped around your arm, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, that went great, didn't it?" He cracked a smile before it faultered. You lift an eyebrow in silent question.

"It was cowerdly, I was too nervous to ask you out alone, so I thought a group event-I just wanted to get to know you better, because I-" he cleared his throat. "I'm not usually like this. I've never tried to -to move slow before." "Move... slow?" He nodded. "I like you." Your ears started to ring slightly. Had you heard that right? "You like me?" He nodded again. A slow smile broke out on your face.

"Well, then... would you like to kiss me?" His eyes snapped to yours, before a giving you a dashing smile. His hand slid to your back and pressed his lips to yours. Your hand drifted to his cheek and he sighed into the kiss, pulling you tighter before parting. His eyes shined and he bounced on his heels slightly. You suddenly realised what you did, and smiled shyly, looking at your feet. He bit the inside of his cheek. "So uh, dinner later?" You chuckled "yes."

[bigbadwolf-16]

this is another one i think about a lot

on the one hand, (my favorite hand) ‘chosen’ could be almost synonymous with ‘soulmate’. like a kirk and spock situation, or sherlock and watson, the ghost and guardian become inseparable and compliment each others strengths and weaknesses. where a ghost could be shy and soft-spoken, their guardian could be vibrant and assertive. where a guardian could be impulsive and mercurial, a ghost could be stable and pragmatic. we see it in saint and geppetto, osiris and sagira, zavala and targe, im sure that sundance was at least 60% of caydes impulse control and probably the brains behind the operation bc we all know she was in on his bullshit 100% of the time but hed have been perma-dead long before forsaken if she wasnt also the sensible one between the two.

just that kind of seamless partnership, not necessarily romantic, but just. one of those deep and profound soul connections that comes only once in a lifetime. (thats not to say it cant be romantic, i mean anything is possible when youre that close to someone and essentially neurally linked til RTL death do you part; obviously one losing the other is an emotionally and psychologically devastating event in addition to physically. looking directly at osiris for this one. you loose someone youre bonded with that closely and it completely rips your life apart.)

on that same hand: things happen. things can go wrong. fundamental differences can still cause a rift between two people regardless of how close they are. ikora and ophiuchus come to mind off the top of my head, and im pretty sure theyve gone decades without so much as speaking to each other. id believe it if someone said they were never even in the same room together until the exact moment ophi needs to be there for utility.

on the other (tangentially related) hand, weve seen plenty of examples where ghosts and their chosen dont get along at all. what are the circumstances there? was there a Spark? does their little paracausal postmortem soul-reading tell them about the potential of their guardian in terms of power only, and for that reason they searched for the potentially strongest guardian they could find regardless of whether they felt some deeper connection? not all ghosts were created equal, after all, and they can range from gentle and supportive to selfish and cold just like we do. would that misalignment without the spark cause an instant rift between them and make for a terminally unstable partnership?

and what is that spark? how do they know? is it guesswork? is it a light-resonance like the bond between souls in soul eater where they search and search and they sift through rough or sharp or jagged light sensations until they find the one that slots in perfectly with their own? each ghost is just as unique as each guardian, and they may be able to communicate with each other instantly over vast distances, but theyre certainly no hivemind. theyre just as alive and willful as guardians, just in a much smaller package.

the ghosts that have lost more than one guardian; was it just a matter of “its not meant to be” because they didnt resonate on a light level and some paracausal force corrected that in the most brutal way possible to avoid losing one of them to the darkness? (arguably a fate worse than death from the travelers standpoint) because while the gardener is certainly what we assume to be the ultimate benevolent force of nature, its still a force of nature in its own strange way, and nature can be the most ruthless of teachers. imagine a ghost, for any reason, looking for what they hope to be the strongest guardian in the system but they lack the foresight and responsibility or the maturity to handle that strength with grace and skill and that guardian goes bad.

it dovetails nicely into post-collapse society, with risen becoming warlords when they find out theyre essentially gods made flesh -- they can do whatever they want to whoever they want, and whos gonna stop them? some mortal with a dinky little gun? please. unchecked power corrupts, without fail. the ghosts are still young then, and scared and seeking power for protection, for guarding this increasingly endangered species, but mistakes are going to be made when desperation is whats driving you. imagine they try harder with the next one, still looking for someone strong, but they fail again and again until they decide to let destiny (ha) guide them to The One, putting out their little feelers until they reach a spark of light that feels like home.

theres so much to chew on. i dont think the ghosts even really know, even if they could find a way to explain it beyond “idk man, felt right at the time”. theyre stumbling blindly through all of this right alongside us. while they certainly feel, or at least understand, the travelers will, they dont exactly have it on speed dial for any questions that come up. it made them just like it made us in that desperate scramble for survival and protection against its exact polar opposite.

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

ALL THE ASKS

Ok sure but this’ll be long so a readmore it is:-

Kirk: Tell me about a time you had to take a leadership role.

A few times. I ended up organising quite a lot of stuff with the costume team with my last couple of shows. I quite often end up taking on leadership roles at events and things because nobody... seems... to want to? And so stuff doesnt get done and we talk around things until I or someone else goes “Ok here is what we are doing.”

I think I did it most on the first show I worked on, and I hated it. I basically kept chasing people up on what they were doing and what they should be doing and kept snapping at one girl to leave jobs that werent hers well enough alone. (She kept fucking up the organisation of the costume rail). 

Spock: What kind of sacrifices have you made for others?

I left university for a year to look after my mother... despite the fact she would do a lot of shitty things. I’ve... sacrificed a lot for other people really but I dont know...

I’ve lived to regret a lot of them.

Uhura: Talk about the moment you were the most proud of yourself.

Honestly getting my 98% on my graded unit final this year.

This represents so much. 3 years ago I was depressed, directionless, I’d been unable to work because I was so emotionally low and trying to deal with my alcoholic mother. And then 2 years ago people told me to get out. People told me to study to do something, to escape.And... I did?

I haven’t done well in exams since high school when my cousin died and everything went to shit. But this year I got 98% on a unit in the highest level qualification I’ve done to date. I’m still depressed, I still struggle but my god look at me now. Im taking care of me.

Bones: Describe your closest relationships.

Complicated haha.

Jem - my partner is great. They understand me perfectly, excellent dinosaur nerd. We might not always agree, but we also agree that might be a good thing. We can talk about our problems and thats more than I could ask for.My family - do not get on with me a lot. Its still a relationship and an important one even if its not a good one. They shaped who I am and I just hope im not too much like their negatives. If anything I want to take my mothers (occasional) open-mindedness, My fathers self reflection and my brothers desire to learn and understand all people and things. 

My friends - I have a few, and the ones Im closest to should know who they are. Im very grateful to them for being there. For understanding. I don’t know where I’d be without friends like that, old and new.

Sulu: What is your relationship like to the world around you?

The world is a struggle but I’ll get there.

Chekov: How do you support your friends?

I try to be there, ask what they need and give it to them if I can. Im not always good at that. I like to find solutions and a lot of people dont want them... I’m working on that.

Scotty: Talk about a time you succeeded (or failed) in fixing a major problem.

I’m really not sure. On the last show run I did for class the dryer wouldn’t dry the clothes in time for the next show. But we uh... didnt fix that problem. We tried, I got us a bunch of hairdryers and we had a go at doing them that way. Tried pressing them dry and all sorts but uh... nope, actors went on stage damp. They were nice enough about it but I still felt bad ^^

Chapel: What have you gained, or what consequences have you faced, from pursuing your passions?

My passions so far have been “Get out of that house your parents live in” and so far I’ve succeeded. The cost? Im constantly looking for places to spend the holidays - friends who might be willing to take me because Im terrified of spending stuff like christmas alone...

Rand: How do you stay positive in bad situations?

Hahahahahahahahaah I dont.

seriously tho the worse the situation the better I am at dealing with it. I sorta... shut off emotionally and get through whatever needs getting through. I got hit by a car and I handled that. I lived in an abusive household and just emotionally switched off. Its immediately after the bad situation that I struggle. 

Enterprise: Tell me when/where you felt most at-home, like you belonged.

When I get there I’ll tell you. I cried last christmas because my friends made me feel so welcome... they just accepted me into their home, let me sit with them while the kids unwrapped presents. It... was so nice...

Khan: Tell me about a person you would do anything to protect.

I’m glad to say I’ve not been in a situation where I’d need to. I trust the people I care about, I’ve seen them protect themselves. I dont want to imagine a situation where the cant and I somehow can. The people i love are far stronger than I could ever hope to be.

Corbomite: What's the worst lie you've ever told?

“Seriously it doesnt hurt too bad I just tripped down some stairs.” ugh gives me shivers.

Deneva: Have you ever lost a loved one? How did you grieve?

My cousin died when I was 14. He was more like a brother to me really. I remember when I was told that he was dying and I literally couldn’t breathe. I vaguely remember someone holding onto my shoulders while I gasped in air. I then didnt cry until his funeral where I sobbed like a baby.Everything is a blur after that. Time got muddled in my head. I dunno if I ever stopped grieving completely. Still hurts like hell.

Empath: Talk about the time you needed someone the most. Did they come through for you?

Honestly people are there for me a lot, and they always try even if they dont succeed. But I needed someone through my transition and it just... didnt happen. I didnt need anyone specific but I needed or wanted SOMEONE. 

I’ve done this alone, I’ll continue doing it alone and that hurts. But I know it hurts people like Jem too. I know they want to be there almost as much as I want them to be. Sometimes its not a matter of how much we want things though.

Psi 2000: What are you really like, under everything?

Insecure, self reflective though not really sure if my analysis is correct. I think a lot of what you see is what you get tbh?

Horta: What do you do when you feel lonely and isolated?

I message everyone I know on facebook, skype and tumblr then hope someone will answer. Theres about 3 people maybe 4 who I know I can be blunt with. who I can just say “Im lonely please pay attention to me” It helps a lot. When that fails though I just try to sleep.

Talos IV: What would you do if someone you loved betrayed you?

Been there done that, numb to it now. It hurts but I’ve learned you can move on, learned you can meet someone knew who you can love and be loved by for a while (not saying romantically here). Losing people is a lot less frightening.

Organia: How do you react when you're proven wrong?

Depends on how? Attitude says a lot. If I’m politely corrected I might be interested and want to know more. If its super critical and about why Im a failure in every capacity I’ll be equally antagonistic. 

Farragut: Has something ever happened to you that you just can't let go?

Physical abuse, my cousin dying. Im not good at letting go of trauma. I wont ever forget that my little cousin harry looks up to me the same way I used to look up to David though. I strive to be what David was to me, for Harry, as much as I can.

Shore Leave: Describe your ideal life.

Somewhere to live, financial stability - moderate happiness and peace.

[sicklylittlesnowflake]

Can I have sick Bones please? The Doctor getting sick but refusing to leave his post because he's the Chef Medical Officer and people need him and the rest of the crew have to get him to take a break because he needs caring for too. Thank you, you're amazing!

(I’ve actually never written Star Trek before, but wanted to try it out because I love these characters!! I’ve only started watching the original series, so this is mostly based on the JJ Abrams current movies! Also sorry this is a little short, I’m trying to get used to writing ST!! Hopefully that’s cool with you!!)

It had been a very long two weeks.

The first incident was some strange plant that had caused some weird rash on Sulu–and Bones had spent the whole night researching and trying to find the proper way to treat it. Needless to say he hadn’t gotten any sleep.

The next was Scotty contracting some alien disease–and of course, Bones spent several days healing the man. It had been a pretty violent illness too–causing him to feel very drained afterwards.

Literally the moment Scotty recovered–Uhura and Spock both came in with severe injuries they had gotten from the previous mission. It took some time to heal them too.

As Bones exhaustedly collapsed on his hair as he discharged Spock and Uhura, he heard faint coughing and a light scolding voice in the distance. He sighed in exasperation as Sulu dragged a sick Chekov into sickbay.

Just when he thought everything had gone wrong, of course, of course, Jim had to throw himself into a reckless situation and put himself into critical condition. Of course.

As he checked Jim’s vitals one last time for the night, he began to cough softly into his sleeve, the sound sounding very chesty and it felt weird on his chest. But he couldn’t rest–there was still work to do.

Bones sat himself down by his desk, opening the lamp by it and beginning to work away when he heard some feet shuffling. “Great,” he thought.

“Doktor?” Chekov’ voice rang out; just a tad still raspy from his flu a few days ago.

“Chekov, I swear to god I will throw a rampage if yet another person is sick of injured,” He said a little too bitterly than he intended, not looking up from his work.

“N-no, sir. I just brought you some tea–if you would like zat–”

Bones’s heart melted, and he looked up to see the anxious teenager fiddling with a mug–his favourite mug–and what smelled like his favourite tea. He softened a little.

“..That’s..very kind, Mr.Chekov. You can set it over here,” He said warmly, managing a smile despite the throbbing pain in his temples.

After setting it down the Russian boy turned to leave, and as he was about to leave he turned around, looking worried.

“Doktor? Vill you please get some rest tonight? You always take care of us..but never yourself,” Chekov asked, a little nervously.

Bones sighed, about to snap at the kid and tell him that he had no choice, that everyone needed him, that he couldn’t just take a rain check, but he had a soft spot for the kid.

“I will, Pavel, in a little while.”

“Dobroy nochi.”

Bones didnt like lying to Chekov–but last night he did. He stayed up all night tending to Jim–worried out of his mind for the reckless man, and doing all sorts of other work. He coughed harshly into his sleeve, the sound awfully chesty and deep. He rummaged around, checking on Jim and whatnot when Uhura walked in.

“I just came to check on–Doctor?! Oh my, you look..”

She came closer to him and gently placed a hand on his face, bringing it towards her so she could see. Bones’s reflexes were awfully slow due to his illness, and was too slow to immediately swat Uhura’s hand away.

She frowned, “You’re really warm! This isn’t good–you have to stop working so hard!”

“But I–”

“What seems to be the problem, Uhura?” Spock asked, waking calmly into sickbay.

“Dr McCoy here is very sick, and I am currently trying to get him to rest,”

“Why? Is he not cooperating with you? But why not? It is highly illogical to be harming one’s body in order to be of service for someone else’s, then the effort is not at its maximum potential,”

“Exact–”

Uhura was cut off by Bones’s sudden coughing fit–the fit seeming to last an eternity. His coughs were harsh and painful, doubling him over and he was forced to balance himself on a nearby table. Soon Uhura was rubbing his back softly.

Once he finished, Bones turned back to whatever he was doing, “I am just fine! Leave me alone, now!”  

Just as he finished his sentence, the world began to spin as if he was on some trippy amusement park ride and he stumbled, and Scotty, who was now there apparently, caught him.

“Aye, the lad’s after coming down with something, here now, help me bring him to a bed, Spock,” Scotty said gently, helping Bones over to a bed despite his protests.

“I can’t–” Bones hissed from under the covers.

“Why?” Scotty challenged.

“Because I have to be taking care of everyone else–I can’t rest, it’s not like I don’t want to, but I have to–everyone’s depending on me..”

“Exactly, Doctor, people depend on you. To be you–healthy you, you need to take care of yourself. You can’t have the whole world on your shoulders–let us help you, all of us? We’re all willing, we want to help you. So please, take a rest, doctor,” Uhura said kindly, tucking him into the covers.

“She is correct, Doctor McCoy. In order for you to be at your best standard, you must ensure to maintain proper and efficient self care,” Spock commented.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Spock,” Bones teased, albeit a little weakly, and soon after was drifting off into a long sleep.

“So, I’m the impossible one,” Jim’s loud voice boomed out.

Bones winced, his headache still present, “Sorry, could you be any louder? I’m afraid that your whispers are practically inaudible!”

“Sorry,” Jim apologised sheepishly, walking up to Bones’s bed and sitting down next to him.

“You shouldn’t be up, Jim, when did you wake up?” He asked, sitting up only for Jim to push him down and stick a tongue out.

“Nuh uh, you are getting some rest, big guy. I woke up a few hours ago–Spock and Uhura are keeping me captive but I managed to escape to see my Prince Charming,” he teased.

“Oh, fuck the fuck off, James Tiberius Kirk,” Bones groaned, rubbing at his temples, before erupting into an intense coughing fit.

Jim helped him to sit up before handing him a glass of water to down. He sighed.

“You really are sick, aren’t you?..Listen, I’m really sorry for worrying you, Bones.”

“Well, ya sure did–”

“Dude, but you’ve gotta start taking care of yourself too–in all honesty, not as good as taking care of other people as you. I’m helpless in this situation and I hate seeing you like this.”

Bones smirked, “..Did you just..admit..I’m better than you..?”

Jim hissed and lightly hit Bones on the arm, getting up and rolling his eyes before walking to leave, and just before he did he turned back and gave Bones a soft smile.

“..Hope you feel better, Bones.”

[defendglobe]

anyway im writing about what annoyed me with star trek beyond so if that bugs you dont read this

That scene where the Enterprise crash lands on the planet?? Straight up ripping off Star Trek Generations. Maybe you could say its supposed to be a homage to that scene but it doesn’t feel that way. It just felt like a pointless attempt to try and make the audience Feel Things. Like I mean. In Generations, the ship has been there since the very beginning of TNG and seeing it destroyed is kinda sad because its the end of an era. it doesn’t really come across that way here at all

The sorta “alien speak”??? super distracting. no joke half the time i had no idea what krall was saying because of that effect they put on his voice. and like the way the one alien lady was speaking her own language with the computer translation layered over it?? really fucking hard to decipher. 

similarly i found it hard to understand what was even happening. my parents felt the same way so it wasnt just my mentally ill ass. the plot just feels like it gets lost in the fight scenes if that makes sense. and honestly thats just not what star trek is supposed to be.

yeah okay maybe the “you gave your girlfriend a radioactive necklace”/”you gave your girlfriend a tracking device” gag was funny to some people but it just felt uncomfortable to me. 

jaylah is basically rey from the force awakens. this only bugs me because its the same dude making both the new star trek and star wars movies. i dunno. a little variation in female characters would be nice.

speaking of which, remember that blonde chick from into darkness??? what the fuck happened to her. didnt they make it a big thing like “oh youre part of the crew now?” WHERE DID SHE GO. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ADDING A NEW CHARACTER IF YOU JUST FUCKIN DITCH HER IN THE NEXT MOVIE. 

all right yeah kirk spock and bones are the big three characters but it kinda rubbed me the wrong way that the two non white members of the main cast (sulu and uhura) spend most of the movie kinda pushed to the side and being held captive by mr generic bad guy. idk maybe im reading too far into it but it just felt. wrong.

the krall reveal made me more confused than anything else tbh??

also like. i feel like since kirk got literally resurrected from the dead in into darkness a la wrath of khan they should have maybe like. done something with that in this movie?? ya know like how spock isnt quite the same after it happens to him in the original movies??

kirk doesn’t. seem sad about old spock’s death. which is weird considering how close they were. i dunno it just feels wrong.

overall though i feel like this movie really had a thing with trying to force drama on us. spock and uhura’s breakup, the enterpise being destroyed, and kirk angsting about space life getting boring. it didnt make me feel for the characters. it just annoyed me.

on the more positive side:

AT LEAST IT WAS AN ORIGINAL STORY!! fuck off into darkness lol. and i dont think there was any pointless kirk fucking people scenes either so thats an improvement. 

spock and bones. just....spOCK AND BONES

the “sabatoge” scene was fucking awesome. definitely dumb as hell but it was thoroughly entertaining. (bonus points for it being the same song from kirk’s terrible motorcycle adventure in the first movie. and also for spock calling it “classical music”)

the way they handled leonard nimoy’s death was respectfully done and made me sad all over again.

spock swearing. 

[all-star-brad-hand]

so i finally pretty much saw star trek beyond and i feel like talking about it just a lil tiny bit

first of all i like...i dont know. i had no interest in it and i wasnt expecting it to be good, so i guess im biased. but then at the same time, i was underwhelmed somehow? like i mean the way people kept talking about how much closer to and inspired by tos it was...i didnt get that feeling at all.

the script was just so......so underwhelming. the villain did not interest me, the black and green glowy dudes who looked like super soldiers from stargate did not interest me. the giant space insect cloud thing was a decent idea but it was ruined by the music stuff. i did not give a flyin pop tart that the enterprise crashed, but i never cared for that current design anyway so i am not qualified to talk about it lol. whatsherface with the black lines on her face had the interesting language quirks, which i thought was cool, we dont get enough of that tbh. the references to tos reminded me overmuch of the stuff they did with enterprise season 4, which in my view was just “here’s 500% more tos references” (and i will really really never understand why so so SO many people say that stuff is some of the best star trek ever filmed but that is a discussion for another day).

didnt find the comedy funny, altho i admit that i am extremely extremely picky about what i find funny so 99% of things wont make me crack a smile (for example when i saw tfa in theaters i was straight faced at literally everything the rest of the audience laughed at). but i mean that thing where spock is explaining something and nobody understands it and then uhura or whoever chimes in “we can do the thing and kick ass” like oh my goodness that sounds like something from a cbs crime show what on EARTH. the stuff at the beginning with the angry aliens was particularly frustrating because of how much potential it had, like jeez when kirk was like “ah yes this weapon fragment is...uh...a treasured symbol of. .. . peace” that was great!!!!!! and then it just devolves into the aliens screaming and kirk making faces!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think the issue here is that these reboot movies have no leg to stand on except the characters, and they dont really have any leg to stand on themselves. and i mean, if you like the characters and enjoy them then i am happy for you. ive done it myself man, i took freakin vlad the space knight who got two lines and died from aldnoah zero and turned him into a favorite character of mine, same with cutler beckett from pirates of the caribbean, so i know that ppl can single out characters who might not be really well developed and enjoy them anyway. theres nothing wrong with that and i aint sayin there is. its just that i cant do that with these characters, not at all. they didnt get three seasons of a show with gene coon writing their interactions, they didnt get movies like wrath of khan that emphasized their bonds. they got named after and vaguely based on the tos characters, thrown into two movies that i personally think are both kind of lousy (i know ‘09 is considered one of the Good Star Trek Films but i am not quite in that camp myself), and then now we have this movie where kirk and spock and mccoy are like kinda getting development now and mccoy says “MY GOD MAN” and “MY GOD SPOCK” and they were out there for three years but we didnt see any of it and stuff. like the guys who wrote this were trying, and i will give them that, but it doesnt work for me because it just...should really never have been done in the first place.

well i guess THAT last opinion is very arguable, im sure even paramount would disagree strongly with me since theyve made some decent cash off these films lol. but its just...after seeing beyond, i think it was too late to try to recreate the bond of tos in these films. not after into darkness in particular. and i mean they are trying SO HARD with the original cast photo and the thing with everyone reading space the final frontier at the end but it just doesnt work for me.

i think its worth adding that im also of the opinion (which i guess is another divisive one) that the best of tos and the best of the tos movies had a certain tone to the dialogue and interactions which is not reflected here (a certain tone that im very very biased about because it involves lots of witty ass dialogue and i absolutely love it). that may be due to how the characters and world differ from tos, but if thats the case, it sort of renders two things moot: a) the attempt to match the tos tone and b) the usage of the tos characters in the first place (tho thats a problem i oughta take up with jj abrams i suppose). it could also stem from the writers’ personal styles, in which case it would just be a matter of my personal opinion preferring other styles to theirs. but either way thats one of the things that is most strongly dissimilar to tos about this movie, whether or not there were any attempts made to match it. the only line i caught that made me get the tos vibe was the thing i mentioned earlier with kirk talking to the angry aliens, and like i said that vibe was lost very quickly.

its a personal thing of course, but after into darkness i just gave up on any sense of obligation i felt for these movies being Part Of Star Trek. and i mean, even WITH that, with the lack of caring and lack of expectation and lack of just plain LIKING that i felt, i found myself underwhelmed. that honestly surprised me because i was expecting to either begrudgingly like it or totally hate it and i was just left saying “oh...thats it? okay”. it wasnt a violent reaction of dislike...more like when i watched tangled for the first time and sat there like “jeez this is what everyone says is one of the best disney movies??? it wasnt BAD but jeez”. so i guess ultimately im kind of praising the movie because it sure didnt hit me like into darkness did!