#because the pics from holiday last year didn’t count because they were group pics

[racewinnerlandonorris]

the paparazzi lando pics 😳😳 he so fine daym

it’s been 385 days since he last posted a thirst trap, his holiday dump better be filled with them

[steppedoffaflight]

Summer’s a Knife - Chapter 15

Catch up on Chapter 14 here

You’re kicking yourself for taking these last months for granted, for thinking that that was what it meant to miss a busy Van. Pining and pouting over a Van that you basically saw once a week? That wasn’t so exhausted from back-to-back shows that he made time to call, or at least respond to your texts? Who spent enough time in one place that you could actually go visit him on tour?

or

You’re missing your best friend like crazy.

Word count: ~3.3k

A/N: I can’t believe there’s only two chapters left after this! Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who’s taken the time to read this, and endless thank you’s to everyone who has reached out with feedback ❤️

Chapter Fifteen September 2019

Fall in California doesn’t look the same as it does in Michigan, but you wish it did. Although you’re glad winters here only involve mild weeks in the fifties and sixties, you do miss the atmosphere of gray, rainy September days, leaves shriveling up and falling off of the trees, and changing out your wardrobe into something cozier. Sure, the pumpkin spice trend is still active, but pumpkin spice lattes don’t taste the same with eighty degree temperatures and the shining sun.

Maybe you’re homesick because you’re desperate for your surroundings to match your insides. 

Van wasn’t kidding about the band’s workload this month. You’re kicking yourself for taking these last months for granted, for thinking that that was what it meant to miss a busy Van. Pining and pouting over a Van that you basically saw once a week? That wasn’t so exhausted from back-to-back shows that he made time to call, or at least respond to your texts? Who spent enough time in one place that you could actually go visit him on tour?

You had been so naive. So, so, fucking naive. And September was absolute torture to prove it. And it would feel much, much better to slog through this month on rainy sidewalks crusted with damp leaves, a crisp breeze trying to sneak through the seams of your coat.

But instead the world just spins on, leaving you behind. September is a new beginning for many people, who gladly chatter about it everywhere they go. UCLA students are starting to return to the area, bouncing around in their backpacks with iced coffees, and at work your co-workers are returning from their eventful summers refreshed and ready to end the year with a bang. There are back-to-school sales on everything, from spin classes to puppies in a petstore window, and the happier everyone is about the new season the more alone you feel.

Because that’s a great way to sum up how you feel, really: alone. It was the fucking worst. You’d never been someone who had a problem being alone! You’d purposely decided to live alone; you had practically skipped for joy down the sidewalks when you’d broken up with your last boyfriend. You had a nice friend group with the other girls at work, and of course you had Mary, so what else could an independent woman like you need? Certainly not a boyfriend or a girlfriend to make you feel fulfilled. Things wouldn’t even be different if Van was your boyfriend, you try to convince yourself. He’d still be busy. You’d still be rooted in L.A.. You’d still be just as depressed as you are right now.

You don’t believe that one bit.

\\

Got that reservation, Van texts you one night after a rare phone call. You’d asked him to try and get Mary and Theo a table for their anniversary, and apparently he’d pulled through. You beam to yourself as he sends another text with the reservation information, and then decide to give Mary a call.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Is Mary’s greeting. “Has Van kidnapped you?”

You don’t have the heart to tell her it’s the opposite, actually. You’re so trapped in your lonely self-pity you don’t really have the energy or desire to socialize with others right now. In your heart right now, it’s Van or bust.

“Maybe,” You joke, although you feel like you don’t sound very convincing. “Speaking of Van, he might happen to have a reservation next week that he can’t make…” You grin as your voice trails off, “And maybe he accidentally made the reservation under your name?”

Mary audibly gasps down the line. “He got us a table?” She squeals, but you can hear she’s trying to hold back her excitement until she knows for sure.

“I might have called in a favor from him,” You laugh as you listen to Mary’s excitement at your confirmation.

“He is an absolute angel,” She gushes. “You need to marry him, like, now.”

You’re sure that this time your laugh definitely sounds hollow. You’ve never admitted your love for Van, even though Mary questions you about it regularly and never seems convinced with your denials. While you usually tell her everything, your feelings for Van have always felt like a giant bruise, something best not exposed. You don’t think you could stand the teasing, or Mary’s typical meddling. And right now, considering your heart is one oozing wound, you’re thankful for your own secret-keeping.

“I just wanted to let you know,” You start to wind down the conversation. Your phone has pinged with another text from Van, and you don’t want to waste this opportunity to catch up with him. “I’ll screenshot the reservation stuff and text you.”

“Tell Van I said thank you! We said thank you. Like, seriously. He’s amazing.”

You two say goodbye and you relay the message to Van over text, before responding to the message he’d just sent. Sam Fender’s album was out tomorrow, and there would be a huge bash at his Hollywood house the following weekend, which the band wouldn’t be in the States to attend. Van was clearly bummed about the whole thing, and you were too. You wonder if Sam and his friends remembered you from the party, or if you’ve faded from everyone’s memory. You wish there was a way for you to reach out to him and congratulate him. 

Get your cheque yet? Van asks when the conversation about Sam has run its course.

Right. The insurance check. Yup, you respond, frowning to yourself in dismay. A whole $5,000. Yippee. 

You couldn’t believe that’s all you’d received from the insurance debacle. You’d purchased the car for $12,000 from a dealer, worked your ass to pay it off over the years, and now the insurance company had awarded you less than half of the cost of the car to somehow give you the means to buy a new one. And it’d be almost impossible to find something in good shape for that price that was also an automatic, because you grew up in Michigan, where people were not obsessed with driving stick shifts.

Least you’ve got the rover. 

Right. The Range Rover. The one scrap of Van you could cling to during this awful time.

\\

The next time you have to pass that stupid petshop with their stupidly cute puppies in the window on your walk back to the office after lunch, you decide to send a pic to Van: Yes or no to me getting a puppy.

Which one?

Holy fuck, he responded in less than twelve hours. It’s your lucky day.

I’m thinking that little fuzzy gray one.

I’d be supremely jealous. He’s cute and I love dogs.

Van is a terrible influence. You’re ashamed to admit you stall in front of the window for longer than necessary, looking at the little gray puppy with the pointed ears bounce around in the playpen before forcing yourself to move along. A puppy would probably be good for you, honestly, but that’s not a decision you should make on impulse.

Miss you, says another text from Van. Then another: Might be in town on Tuesday? Fingers crossed the flights work out. 

Unfortunately, they do not.

\\

The flights do, however, work out for Thursday. That’s a fact you only discover after coming home from work and heading into your bedroom to change, only to trip over two rolling suitcases and realize there’s a Van-sized lump sleeping in your bed.

“What’re you doing?” Van mumbles, peeking his head out from under the blankets as you swear up a storm.

“What are you doing?” You shout, your toes throbbing. You’d accidentally kicked one of his rolling suitcases across the bedroom hardwood, and your toes were aching from the impact. On its way across the bedroom that suitcase had bumped the other, causing it to fall like a domino. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

A slow grin spreads over Van’s face. “I wanted to surprise you!”

“By making my room an obstacle course?” You huff, lifting the fallen suitcase upright and rolling both of them out of the way into a corner. 

Van’s sleepy state inhibits him from arguing, and he tucks his head back under the comforter.

“God, you scared the shit out of me,” You continue, your adrenaline still pumping from the fright and the pain. “I regret making you a key. I want it back.”

“Shut up,” Comes Van’s muffled voice.

“You shut up,” You bite back, but as the throbbing in your toes die down your irritation is replaced with the realization that this is reality, that Van is actually in your fucking bed at this moment. “I missed you,” You announce suddenly, your voice a lot softer.

Van peeks his head out again. His hair is a ruffled, oily mess as he beams at you. “I missed you more.”

“Bet you didn’t. Bet you forgot about me while you were doing cool band stuff.”

“Oh, did I? Wonder who I was texting Sam about, then.”

At this your jaw drops. “You did what?”

“I told him I was sorry I was leaving town tomorrow, and you said congratulations. And he asked how you were. Bond and him wanna do a celebratory pub night down in Newcastle.”

“No fair!” You pout, stomping your foot like a child. “You’re gonna celebrate without me?”

“Get your passport!” Van cries, throwing one of his arms up in exasperation before flopping back down on the bed. “Come with us!”

Getting your passport is a pain you’re reluctant to go through. You sigh. Maybe you’d try during the holidays back in Michigan, where the lines at the post office weren’t practically out the door everyday. Even if things with Van are over by then, Mary’s been trying to talk you into an overseas vacation for a while. 

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” You decide to narrow in on that fact, pushing passport thoughts aside.

“Tomorrow night,” Van confirms. “Drop me off after work?”

“Of course.” If you only had him for these twenty-four hours, you were gonna milk every second you had.

\\

Van is completely wiped from touring, and spends his entire time at your place in the same sweats. He gets out of bed the next morning to shower and have a cup of coffee with you, but other than that he’s glued to the mattress, getting some much-needed rest. 

But even when he’s tired, Van is fun to be around. When you’re exhausted from work it means that your job has sapped every last bit of joy from you, leaving you without any desire to be creative, go out with friends, or try to be in a good mood. With Van, it’s like he would keep going if his body allowed him. He talks about tour fondly, still expresses excitement about starting on the new album, and still manages to pluck at your guitar from his nesting spot in bed. He’s the same Van; the only difference is the constant yawning and the way the lines around his eyes are more defined. Oh, and the lack of energy for any fooling around.

That last part doesn’t even cross your mind until you’re on your way home from the airport. You were so content just to have him around that you totally forgot how much you’d been using your vibrator lately. 

But even with how content you were for that blissful twenty-four hours, as soon as you’ve stepped in the door to your empty house the aching in your heart returns. In your time apart all the little details about Van had gone fuzzy in your mind; his scent on your pillow, how it takes a cup of coffee in the morning for his voice to stop cracking. But remembering them makes everything sting with a vengeance, and you’re left feeling shittier than you have all month. 

There’s been a nagging feeling creeping around the edges of your brain like a fog, and as much as you’ve been trying to deny it, it’s hard tonight. It’s just that everything with Van has started to hurt, and you’re not sure it’s ever going to go away. His schedule over the summer was flexible, but even after this intense bout of touring he’d be busy with recording. And then the band would be vigorously promoting and touring that album, and so on, forever, because Van would never stop making music, you were sure of that. 

The tears well up in your eyes even thinking about not having him around. Despite your crushing adoration for him, he really is your best friend, and the idea of losing his friendship makes your heart clench in agony, the tears spilling over. But it’s not really a fair friendship when only one of you is crying about it, is it? Van doesn’t have to hurt like this, because his heart isn’t invested in you like yours is in him. 

You allow yourself an indulgent self-pity cry as you make your bed, rumpled from Van’s napping, and climb in. You figure if you’re going to have a pity party for yourself you might as well do it right, and switch your pillow out for his so you can smell the smoke he leaves everywhere he goes. You know that as happy as you are when he’s around, there’s no way you can keep crying over someone when leaving is as much of their job as sending emails is to yours. 

\\

That’s why when Van pops in for another impromptu visit the following Tuesday, you’re not as happy to see him as you usually would be. It’s the same way that the idea of next morning’s hangover can ruin a night out, except with Van there’s no magical way to handicap your brain from thinking about the future.

The sex comes close, though. As soon as you two get to your place after picking him up he tosses his backpack aside before cornering you against the front door. 

“I fucking missed you,” He practically growls in your ear, and holy fuck it’s been so long. You two rush for the bedroom, peeling off clothes as you go. Van is too impatient to worry about unbuttoning his shirt and simply peels it over his head, while you unclasp your own bra to avoid the delay. Before you know it you’re on your back, the blankets falling away from Van’s shoulders as he thrusts into you with all he’s got, your headboard banging against the wall so loudly you almost worry about damaging it. When you come it’s intensely satisfying, and you pull Van’s hair ridiculously hard to prove it. In retaliation he bites down on your shoulder as he comes, the same as he did the first time you ever slept with him. 

The whole world feels right for that magical half hour, and then as you both lay on your backs trying to process what’s happened it all starts to shift again.

“When are you leaving, again?” You ask the ceiling, your voice stiff.

“Thursday morning,” He croaks. “Gotta get to Salt Lake City.” 

You start to roll yourself up, heading for the bathroom. “Right.”

You feel Van’s body tense under the sheets next to you. “You alright?”

“Yup,” You tell him, emerging from the bed. You’re not convincing in the slightest, and Van can clearly tell. You don’t give him time to question you before leaving the bedroom.

“What’d I do?” You startle when you hear Van’s footsteps following behind you to the bathroom. 

“Nothing.” You almost laugh at how ridiculous you sound.

Van hasn’t even bothered to throw boxers on, leaning in the bathroom doorway with his softening dick on display. He sighs. “Wanna step out for a smoke?”

You’re actually craving the fuck out of a cigarette, but you’d rather just go to bed and have this night be over with. Maybe tomorrow you’d be more able to enjoy Van’s presence, rather than pouting over how it’s rapidly coming to an end as soon as it began. “I’m fine,” You tell him. Your voice sounds less sharp and more resigned. It wasn’t his fault, after all.

Van shakes his head. He uses the toilet when you’re done, tosses on the sweatpants he had rolled in his backpack, and heads out onto the porch alone.

In his absence you scold yourself for acting like this. What the fuck were you doing? Ruining the two nights you had him, because of something that wasn’t anybody’s fault? You remake the bed, mentally giving yourself a stern talking to.

“You wanna talk about what’s wrong now?” Van’s voice makes you jump out of your skin.

“Nothing’s wrong,” You insist again, but your voice betrays you. 

“Something is,” Van argues. “I’ve been watching you fluff that pillow for ages.”

At his words you realize your hands are still gripping the corner of your pillowcase, and you unclench your fists. 

Van steps into the room, and to your mortification you feel your eyes heat up with warm tears. 

“It’s been a long day,” You lie. It’s been a long fucking summer. “And I’m PMSing.”

Van frowns in sympathy, starting to climb back into bed. “Need a cuddle?”

A cuddle sounds like the equivalent of doing an entire round of shots by yourself when you’re already dreading the hangover. 

“Yeah,” You sniff. “I do.”

\\

On Thursday morning Van gets you up even earlier than your alarm clock, one of his hands nudging your thighs apart. You expect him to get on top of you once you’re more fully awake, yawning and wiggling around to get more comfortable, but instead you feel his calloused fingertip press against your entrance.

“Oh,” You sigh in surprise as he slips into you, searching out your good spots by touch alone. When he slips a second finger in, angling himself right, you clench down on instinct. “Yeah,” You breathe, blinking up at him sleepily. He’s watching your face intently, and if you were even slightly more awake you’d be horrifically self conscious. “You got it right.”

You can’t remember the last time you were fingered as the entree of the sex, rather than the appetizer. It’s appallingly intimate to have Van’s face so close to yours, breathing in any noises you make and watching every slight expression change in the darkness of your room. You’re also appalled at how you’ve been completely robbed of his talents; he can sense exactly where you’re throbbing for him, your clit twitching against the pad of his thumb when he applies pressure right where your body has been screaming for it. It barely takes any time with his thumb working in tiny circles and his fingers pressing into you hard before you’re gasping for air, drowning under the waves of your orgasm that feels like it’s radiating from both areas, whimpering Van’s name helplessly. 

As soon as you’re flinching from his touch he pulls his hand away, his fingers slipping into his mouth so he can clean them off. 

“Holy shit.” Your lungs are still desperate for air, but you haul him in for a sloppy kiss, paying no attention to the taste of yourself on his tongue. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Van lets out a deep, throaty laugh at that, but you’re already pushing him backwards so that he’s laying flat. You’re way too sensitive for sex, but you jerk him off and let him come on the soft skin on the inside of your thighs, as a treat. 

After you drop him off at the airport, both of you looking slightly disheveled due to having to rush to get ready, you sigh to yourself in the empty car. You hated how weak you were when it came to him. One minute you’re convincing yourself you need to stop hanging around him, and the next you’re telling yourself there is absolutely no way you can give up the best sex you’ve ever had.

It was quite the conundrum.

\\

[katsens-writing]

Holiday Headache

A/N: Sorry this is so very late guys. I’ve been getting adjusted to my new job and new work schedule. This is a little piece I wrote for @bitchassbucky‘s holiday writing challenge. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so I’m a little out of practice. I hope you enjoy it and if you want to be added to my Marvel taglist or any of my taglists, just send me an ask or shoot me a message! (To anyone who read it, the epilogue to See You Again is coming soon I promise. Thank you to all for bearing with me!!)

Content: Loads of fluff and a little bit of harmless mischief.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader if you squint

Word Count: About 1.8k

Masterlist   Buy me a coffee? :)

~

     “No, Peter, on the other side, next to Pepper,” you directed. “That’s it. Harley! Stop messing with your sweater and hold still!”     “Why am I doing this again?” Harley complained, pulling on his itchy sweater. It was green with shiny, silver tinsel-thread glinting throughout it.     Pepper sighed and rolled her eyes, explaining for the hundredth time. “It’s for the Avengers’ latest public campaign to wish everyone a safe holiday season.”

     “Again, why am I doing this?” Harley grumbled flatly. “I’m not an Avenger.”     “You’re doing this because it’s a family photo and you’re part of this madness, kid,” Clint grinned as he straightened his elf ears.     Harley’s brow furrowed and his jaw fell open indignantly. “I never signed up for any of this!” He protested.     Maria gave an explosive, exasperated sigh and turned to the young man. “Harley, so help me if you don’t stop whining I’ll web your mouth closed!” She gritted, pointing to the web-shooter on Peter’s wrist. Peter snickered, glancing at Harley.     Happy turned to Peter, narrowing his eyes. “And if you don’t stop moving I’ll web you to a chair.” Peter’s face fell and Harley smirked. Happy rolled his eyes. “I swear, Morgan should be babysitting you two.”     The two boys frowned and looked down at the little girl in front of them. Morgan just looked up at her brothers and gave them the brightest, most angelic smile, her curled, brown hair hanging down her shoulders and down to the big, golden ribbon tied in a bow on her back. Her eyes sparkled in the soft glow of icicle lights decorating the mantle behind them.     “Well, why isn’t Y/N in the picture then, huh?” Harley retorted, shaking his head as if coming out of a trance. He swore Morgan’s smile was hypnotic. If you weren’t careful you’d end up taking her to the International Spy Museum, something Pepper had forbidden after the last time Natasha babysat her. The last time someone stared at her smile for too long, Morgan was seconds away from convincing Bucky to steal her a panda from the National Zoo.     “Hey, someone has to take the picture!” You grinned, looking over the top of the camera on its stand at Harley. He opened his mouth to protest but you had already shifted your attention back to the rest of the group. “Peter, scoot a little to your left, I want to be able to see your whole sweater. I’m no expert but I know the menorah has more than six candles. There you go, perfect! Wanda, step back a little... a little more... right there, stop! Good.”     As you continued moving everyone around and giving directions, you didn’t notice Tony watching you closely. You told everybody that you needed to take the picture, saying you had an eye for things like that. That part was true, but in reality, you had offered to take the picture when you overheard Tony and Pepper discussing the campaign the week before. Tony had plenty of gadgets that could have taken it, but you seemed excited about the idea, so he agreed. Now though, Tony suspected there was a reason you didn’t want to be in the picture and he thought he might know why.     Tony sighed. You had only joined the team a few months ago, but anyone on the outside wouldn’t have known. You got along great with everyone around the compound, connecting with them right away. It may have only been a few months, but already he couldn’t imagine what the team would be like without you, and he knew he wasn’t the only one.     At the Avengers’ holiday party last week, you spent most of the night sitting at the bar in the ballroom, talking with Maria and Pepper. Whenever the team went out after a successful mission, you usually stayed behind, volunteering to do the report for SHIELD. Whenever they had nights in, you’d slip off to your room when you thought no one would notice. It seemed no matter how well you got along with the team, you felt like you didn’t belong. Tony could understand why you might feel that way but he really wished you didn’t. He’d been reading your file since you joined the team. He hadn’t finished it yet, but he knew if anyone deserved to feel like they belonged somewhere, it was you. Tony shook his head lightly as your voice broke through his thoughts.     “Vision, if you could--”     A snickering caught your attention and you turned to glare at Sam and Steve, laughing on either side of an irritated Bucky. You crossed your arms and glared at them. “Am I gonna have to separate you three?”     “No, you won’t,” Steve answered quickly.     “Sorry, Y/N,” Sam apologized. “Bucky was just saying how the picture would look better with you in it.” Bucky elbowed him in the ribs, his face reddening slightly. Steve snorted.     “Oh, I don’t know,” you replied teasingly, peering through the lens and hoping the camera hid the light blush forming on your cheeks. “I don’t think I could top Santa’s reindeer.”     Steve rolled his eyes good-naturedly and Bucky smirked to himself.     “Hey!” Sam protested, lifting his hands to adjust his antlers. “I’ll have you know, we are Santa’s best-looking reindeer.”     “You know, they’ve got a point,” Tony spoke up, giving you a slight start. He had barely said a word since you started arranging everyone for the photo. “Not about the reindeer thing,” Tony rolled his eyes. “But you really should be in the picture. You are an Avenger after all, and part of the Avengers family.”     “Thank you!” Harley threw his hands up in exasperated vindication.     Your cheeks flushed a little, lowering your eyes. “No, I’m fine, really. Someone has to take the picture and besides, nobody would know who I am.”     Rhodey snorted and jerked a thumb at Scott. “You think they know who he is?”     “Oh, come on man!” Scott whined, the tiny bells on his hat jingling as he tipped his head back in frustration. “I turned into a freaking giant, multiple times even!”     Bruce shook his head with a reluctant sigh. “This is why I don’t do group pictures.”     “Come on guys! I would like to be done sometime before New Year’s.” Natasha groaned.     “Natasha is right,” Thor agreed. “The sooner we get this picture done, the sooner we can get out of these uncomfortable clothes.” He scrunched his face as he pulled at the collar on his sweater.     “Hey now, I think you look very handsome in that Christmas tree sweater,” you chided with a grin. How Tony had managed to convince everyone to dress up for the picture you would never understand, although judging by his, Pepper’s and Morgan’s regular dress clothes, you suspected there may have been a misunderstanding somewhere along the line...     You scanned over the group one more time, eyes narrowed in focus. “Okay... I think that’s it. Now everyone, smile!” You grinned in emphasis as you spoke the last word. “Hold it...” After a few seconds, the camera flashed. “Ok.”     Everyone sighed, their muscles relaxing. “It’s about time,” Harley grumbled. Maria rolled her eyes.     “Wait...” The chatter fell as everyone froze and turned to look at you. Harley’s face darkened with a look of murder on his face. “We need to take one more, Scott blinked,” you continued. A collective groan came from the group and Hope elbowed Scott in the ribs. “And Rhodey, stop acting like Clint’s ears poked you in the eye!” You scoffed, glaring at the two.     “Hey!” Clint’s brow furrowed as he turned to Rhodey.     “That’s what you get for saying my Kwanzaa socks don’t count as dressing up!” Rhodey countered.     “Nobody can see ‘em!”     You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed before shaking your head. While you were distracted by all the bickering and squabbling, Tony leaned forward and whispered something in Peter’s ear, all the while keeping an eye on you. Peter’s eyes widened a fraction as he sat up straight with the faintest nod and a small glint of excitement in his eye.     You straightened and smoothed out your red and white striped dress before clearing your throat. “Ok guys, one more time. Five seconds, ok?” your eyebrows arched. “Just keep it together for five more seconds. You guys ready?”     After a few seconds of shuffling and murmuring, Tony answered. “I think we’re ready, Y/N.” He and Peter exchanged a quick glance while you set the timer on the camera.     “Ok, five...” In a flash a web shot out and wrapped around your wrist, catching you by surprise. “Wha-- woah!” Before the cry left your throat, you were yanked forward. Narrowly missing the camera, the force of the pull spun you around as you stumbled into the group... and right into Bucky.     On instinct, Bucky threw his arms up to steady you and ended up catching just as you tumbled into him. “You ok?” he asked as you looked up and shook the hair out of your face. Flustered, you opened your mouth to answer but you were cut off.     “You’d better smile Y/N, ‘cause I’m not standing for another pic!” Harley gritted through a forced smile. Shocked, you turned to face the camera just as it flashed. Once your eyes adjusted again, you stood up to straighten yourself out.     Bucky lowered his arms awkwardly, letting them fall to his side before rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Uh, sorry.”    “It’s ok,” you replied flustered, quickly tucking your chin to hide your embarrassment and your blushing cheeks.     Bucky looked at you in confusion. “You ok?” he asked again. “What happened?”     As you straightened your dress you noticed the web tangled around your bracelet. You frowned and turned to Peter but before you could say anything to him, Tony interrupted. “Let’s check out the picture, huh?” he suggested.     “And that’s my cue,” Harley spoke up as he made for the exit. “I need to stop by the library before it closes for the holidays.”     “I’ll come with you,” Peter offered a little too quickly. “Happy Holidays everyone!” He called over his shoulder as he followed Harley to the door.     You watched him with narrowed eyes before shaking your head with a sigh. You walked over to the camera and with a few taps you brought the picture up. “Wow,” your eyes widened. “That’s--”     “Not bad,” Tony peered over your shoulder. “Not bad at all actually.”     You turned to him incredulously. “Are you kidding? It’s terrible! My hair alone--”     Tony grabbed the camera out of your hand and started toward his office. “Hey FRIDAY, remind me to send this to the ad agency first thing tomorrow.”     You blinked, stunned, as Tony walked away with the camera. Bucky rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly again as he looked at you, wincing sympathetically.     “At least it’s only for the holidays,” you muttered under your breath as you walked away, rolling your eyes resignedly. “I’m already gonna be out of town. I’ll just extend my trip through New Year’s.”

~

Tags: @bla-369 @myworstdays @parkerspicedlatte

~

[atumblerhasnoname]

The Death of Fun

             What is dead may never die. Last night was the final episode of the world’s only college football podcast, the Shutdown Fullcast, a casualty in cuts to the Vox media company that may be directly related to the Covid-19 shutdown or maybe not, it’s not important.

              I came to the Fullcast late in its life, I am fairly certain it was the two thousand sixteen 40 for 40 bowl series, a bit they did where they reviewed every bowl game as a stand-alone episode of varying lengths. I was already a fan of all the hosts and I’m not sure what took me so long to get on board but when I did, it was a revelation. It was like finding a new group of friends that instantly felt I had known them for 100 years.

              Let me rewind even further. I grew up in New York and despite what you may have heard, is not a Rutgers town. It’s not an anything town when it comes to college football. You have a smattering of the national fan bases here and there but college football was not something I talked about with my friends even though all we talked about was sports. I even went to a college that didn’t have a football team. It would have been easy for me to lose all connection to the sport but I didn’t. Holly, Ryan, Jason and Spencer are the reason I didn’t. Their brand of humor felt familiar to me and their dismissive attitude at what other media took so dam seriously was a revelation. Who cares who should win the Heisman? It’s more fun to talk about the weird and spectacular and have fun with all this. This is not to say they weren’t well versed in the history and nostalgia of the sport, to the contrary, I learned more about the history of college football from this show than I did from anywhere else in life.

              I’ve gone this far and if you didn’t listen to the Shutdown Fullcast you might still be wondering what it is. It’s ostensibly a college football podcast, the world’s only college football podcast as they were fond of saying. However it was about college football in the same way the Goodfellas was about union rights. The best episodes didn’t so much go off the beaten trail as they started in the middle of the woods. Kitchen disasters, holiday disasters, animal disasters, it was the internet’s number one source for uncles doing something stupid for the rest of us to laugh at. My personal favorite was comparing bible stories to college football things, an entire episode that could only exist because Jason Kirk is equally knowledgeable about Christianity and football.

              This podcast wasn’t for everyone. I recommended it to numerous friends and family and they liked it enough if they listened at all but never became permanent listeners (or readers as Spencer accidently calls them). My wife begrudgingly would listen during long car rides, both confused by the super niche college football jokes and frustrated by the audio quality that would lead to Spencer being too loud and Holly being too low despite them recording from the same place. Maybe they knew this was the case because last season they opened up a slack for fans of the show to come and make jokes and share pictures of animals, food or kids. I normally watch college football alone and the Fullcast community kept me company while I bounced from game to game, cracking jokes and sharing pics of my dog or my drink. I spent more time than I’d like to admit in that slack talking with people I will never meet, trying to get them to laugh. For a few weeks there was an entire thread devoted to the Dr. Pepper Fansville extended universe.

              Nothing may exemplify the insane world of Fullcast lore than the extended Fansville Universe. If you watched any college football, you were beat over the head ad nausea by the Dr. Pepper Fansville commercials. Somehow one Saturday in the slack that led to a discussion about what else was in this crazy fictional town? Who was the mayor? What were the neighboring towns like? What were their social-economic policies? More than anything that sums up what Ryan, Holly, Spencer and Jason created; a group of people bonding over their shared love of college football, but also an offbeat sense of humor and overactive imagination that would lead one to believe we need to flesh out the extended universe of an overplayed cola commercial. 

             There is another wide to the Fullcast and its people, a heart to go with the extreme silliness, the EDSBS Charity drive. Borne out of the old Everyday Should be Saturday website is a fundraiser for New Pathways, a group that helps immigrants assimilate to America, find jobs and provides them with basic esentials. Every year the total contribution increase. This last year raised over $183,000 for immigrants. Get your cheap jokes off about people from the south but realize there is no greater showing of the American spirit than this. The fact that donations are encouraged in amounts to taunt your rival school is just icing on the cake. (For instance Auburn fans including an extra .1 on every donation to symbolize the extra second that led to the kick 6.)

              The last episode dropped last night and it is still sitting in my feed. I don’t have the heart to open it because once i do and i consume those last 90 minutes or so, it is over. I don’t have the emotional wherewithal to take that on yet. I always assumed one day somebody would share the Fullcast with the world, with an in-depth feature trying to explain the beautiful chaos that is the Shutdown Fullcast. Something akin to what Mike Schur did with the Lebatard Show that one time when he stopped writing amazing sitcoms and just wrote a full length feature about a radio show. I kind of always hoped the universe would shift on its axis and I would be the one to do it. I guess this blog post that nobody will read will have to suffice.

              The last five weeks or so have been difficult for everyone. I think the most common theme I’ve heard during this pandemic is a yearning to return to “normal.” The desire to go back to our lives the way they were. The weekly Fullcast episodes were the closest I’ve felt to feeling normal the last few weeks. It’s been the only podcast I’ve listened to religiously, a spot of joy in an otherwise pretty dark time. It is possible that we get out the other side of this and it comes back, Spencer and Jason’s furloughs end and Banner Society picks up right where they left off, even better if we get a college football season to go with it. However I have lived enough life to know not to count on that. I hope I am wrong but hope is not a plan. Instead I will be happy for what I got, years and years of a one way friendship that made me love college football more than I did when I started. And then about 25 snakes came out…..

[dat2ndaccount97]

My Doll collection as of 1-25-19

Been meaning to do this for a few weeks now, initially out of sheer boredom one night but started to really want to make this post but didn’t get around to it until now for some reason. So here it is My Full doll collection (Save for my 9 Princess Anna Dolls and 1 Elsa Doll. I keep them separate from the rest of my dolls) 

This first Photo is The Bulk of my doll collection, which was taken 2 days before christmas, so this is about 90% of my doll collection as I got a bunch more after taking this. It’s 90% barbies (and her friends and family) From Mostly the late 70s′s to Now along with 2 Vintage TNT Barbies. The Other 10% is 2 Liv Dolls, a Star Wars Episode 1 Ultimate Hair Queen Amidala, a Mattel Tangled Rapunzel doll, a Disney Store Ariel Doll, and a Jakks Pacific Holiday Elegance Doll, which totals to 69 in this photo, which doesn’t look great with the tumblr image compression. Took up most of my bed taking this so I had to lean back to not cast a shadow and then zoom in and then crop it.

This Next Photo is of My Beauty Secrets Barbie (who is my current profile pic), because I just noticed over a month after taking that first huge group photo for my twitter I didn’t include her, so here she is in all her glory.

Next 3 photos are of the 11 Dolls I got after taking that huge group photo (10 if you don’t count that Jyn Figure at Right end as a doll). From Left to Right These Are: Marvel Rising Gwen Stacy/Ghost-Spider ( the one that comes with her civilian clothes and less articulation), a 35th Anniversary 1959 Barbie Repro from 1994, an Aquaman Mera Doll, a Barbie Fashion Avenue Kay-Bee Toys Special Edition doll, Barbie Fashionistas # 63, Justice League Mera Barbie, The 2008 Barbie Silver Label Supergirl Doll (one of my Holy Grail dolls who I finally got earlier this month), Jewel Hair Mermaid Barbie, Ponytails Barbie from 1997, Aquaman Royal Gown Mera, and Lastly the Disney Store Star Wars Elite Series 10″ Jyn Erso Figure.

Transitioning from My Large Box of Dolls to a smaller backpack of other stuff, Starting with my dolls I still need to clean, Fix up, Rebody, ReRoot, etc. The 3 Dolls blacked out dolls in other photos as I took this photo back in april I think while all the other photos are from this year save for the first.

Also in that Backpack are my 6 ken Dolls, I used to have more but when My mom Found all my dolls stuff about 2 years ago and had me get rid of it (which I saved most aside from broken dolls and parts), she took my old ken dolls and made them into Fake Oscars for her Oscar Party, and she still has them somewhere, and Over the course of the next year or 2 I got 4 older ken dolls online, and those 2 fashionistas ken dolls at TRU when they were starting to go out of business. Also ignore the Horrible Make up on the Asian ken at the right end, I thought his face looked so feminine I gabbed a maker and A pen for some reason and drew make up on his face and threw a hair fair wig on him, unfortunately I didn’t clean it off in time so it stuck.

Lastly Here are all my Action Dolls, not really Fashion Dolls or regular Action Figures. From Left to Right we Have: a Hasbro New Batman Adventures 12″ Batgirl Figure, DC Super Hero Girls Training Supergirl (who’s hair was cur short to be more like Injustice Supergirl), DC Super Hero Girls Batgirl, Star Wars Forces of Destiny Jyn Erso, FOD Rey of Jakku (who I made to be less rey and more Daisy Ridley), FOD Padme (One of the Last FOD figures Released who I got earlier this month), FOD Rey of Jakku ( the one that comes with BB8 and wearing her training gear from TLJ), Disney Store Star Wars Elite Series Rey, and Disney Store Star Wars Elite Series Jyn Erso (again) I keep these In a box under my bed with other 10″-12″ scale figures and other miscellaneous things.

I have not gotten anything doll related since taking these photos a few weeks ago, Mainly do to the need for a bigger doll box, and not really being in a doll mood for a hot minute.

[halloweenleaves]

Autumn Survey #3

What’s your favorite thing about the Halloween/Autumn season? (The foliage, the crisp air, the smell of burnt leaves, the smell of fire places, the food, carving pumpkins, scary movies, halloween episodes of sitcoms I love, nostalgia, etc.) 

What’s your least favorite thing about the Halloween/Autumn season? (The fact that it gets dark earlier lol) 

Is Halloween your favorite holiday? If not, what is? (IT IS lol. i also really like Christmas.) 

If you could be anything for Halloween, what would you be? (Handsome)

Do you celebrate Halloween or just let it pass by? (CELEBRATE TF OUT OF IT)

Do you remember what you did on Halloween last year? (I asked off work, carved pumpkins, watched movies all day, and hung out basically lol) 

Do you have a favorite Halloween memory from childhood? (I used to really love going Trick or Treating with my best friend around his neighborhood. We’d go back to his house, count our candy, and watch halloween episodes of our favorite shows on ABC’s TGIF). 

Did you get to choose your costumes as a child or did someone else choose it for you? (I went as the thing from Scream for like 3 years in a row lol. I really regret not being more creative). 

What do you prefer: carving pumpkins or handing out candy? (Both are nice in their own right. I like the creativity of carving though).

Do you ever buy candy in excess so there’s some left over for you to keep? (Yes.)

Have you ever been on handing-out-candy duty? (Yes.)

Do you attend Halloween costume parties?(Not often. But by choice lol)

Would you ever hang out in a cemetery on Halloween night? (No. I feel like that’d be a waste of time). 

Do you believe the superstitions surrounding Halloween? (Eh. Sure)

Have you ever had a spooky experience this time of year? If so, what happened? (I remember watching the conjuring a few years back around Halloween and I couldn’t sleep for a few days haha. but other than that, no.) 

Do you enjoy horror movies/literature/games? (Yes! I really enjoyed the movie Hereditary. I plan on watching more horror movies as the weeks go on, and then downloading/buying some spooky games too.)

Did you grow up with any Halloween traditions? (like decorating the house or carving pumpkins, etc) (No traditions really. My parents were on and off about their support for Halloween lol. I do decorate now as an adult.) 

What do you think about people who trick-or-treat as teens or adults? (You do you)

What do you think about people who go trick-or-treating with babies? (I think it’s great. The earlier they get started the better!) 

Would you give candy to someone who didn’t dress up in a costume? (No. They need to follow the rules just like everyone else). 

Do you enjoy, or have you ever been through a corn maze? (Yes, and I love corn mazes so much). 

Have you ever been to a haunted house? (Yes, and it was fun but it’s not my favorite). 

Would you go to a real haunted location on Halloween just for fun? (Maybe with a group of friends.. and if they really wanted to... Now that I’m an adult, I’d rather just watch spooky things at home and eat delish food). 

Have you ever performed a prank?(Nah)

Has anyone ever performed a prank on you? (Nah)

How enthusiastic would you say you are about Halloween? (I have my own Halloween blog, so I’d say I’m enthusiastic.) 

Do you like bonfires? (Only A LOT). 

Do you believe in witchcraft? (Eh, sure). 

If spirits were to return to the earth on Halloween, whose spirit would you want to show up on your doorstep? (The ghost of Stanley Kubrick). 

If you were a ghost (or are a ghost), who would you haunt and how would you pester them? (I would haunt Donald Trump. Maybe hide his phone from him.)

Do you hate raking leaves? (No.)

When you see a leaf pile, are you automatically tempted to jump in it? (Nah. Cause someone raked that pile and I don’t wanna ruin it. I’d probably step in a pile of leaves though just to hear dat crunchhh.)

What are your thoughts on candy corn? (Not for me). 

If you enjoy Halloween parties, do you prefer to attend one or host one? (Attend.) 

Tell one story about something creepy or eerie that’s happened to you. (Nothing really. My life’s boring). 

Would you prefer a professionally-made costume or one that you’ve made yourself? (Profeshhh. I’m not great at making things from scratch). 

How much do you know about the history of Halloween, and do you have a favorite fun fact? (I don’t know much about the history I guess.. I just like the costumes, weather, candy, tv shows, movies, etc.) 

In the spirit of Halloween, what is your favorite monster or villain from horror culture? (Oooo I think I like Frankenstein(’s monster) because of how complex he is.) 

Do you carve basic faces on your pumpkins or do you use patterns? (I get those books from the store and trace the pics. it’s fun. not super creative, but looks cool sometimes.) 

Where would you rather be stuck on Halloween: a dark forest, a haunted house, an old abandoned hospital, lost in a cornfield, or a cemetery? (In my room, with my orange string lights hanging up, my dog dressed as a jack o lantern, watching “And Then There Was Shawn” from Boy Meets World, eating a bowl of baked mac and cheese, and sipping on my pumpkin spice latte.) 

[kxlebcross]

hippity hoppity here goes the long ass rant about my cousin

for context - i was a kid when i started liking kpop, like 13-14 yrs old? i was still collecting plushies, reading magazines for young teens, enjoying some music and playing sims. yes, i may have had my emo episode back then with some heavy music too, and that never went well with my mum’s older sister and her heavily religious husband, but oh boi, the worst was my cousin. she is 6 yrs older than me and that was around the time she started picking out an university to go to, so the focus HAD to be on her, the important future student and her boyfriend and this and that... she was always going on about going to art school and she was really fucking talented so she had all chances to be a really great artist, getting married to her boyfriend, wanting a family and all her future, while i was just a middle school kid dressing in all black, who suddenly started enjoying some fun kpop song on their otherwise heavy metal/rock music playlist.

when she find out, she was GIVING ME HELL for it. do you remember 2013 kpop? adtoy by 2pm, ringa linga by gd & taeyang, gentleman by psy or fantastic baby by bigbang? i fucking loved those songs. i was a kid in a really bad place in life after moving 2 countries away from the place where i was born, from all my friends, my school, my life... listen, it’s 10 years hitting this year since my mother decided about moving and i’m still not over it, so just imagine, how bad i must’ve felt back then, when it wasn’t even a year after the move? i was a devastated little kid who found a little joy in some fun, jumpy kpop tones in contrast to the usual heavy music i was listening to usually (do you remember the oldest bring me the horizon songs, all the screaming and anger? think of it as my regular playlist, my mother hated it haha). i was never a diehard fan, never had posters of idols on my walls, i only have like 2 merch pieces (and those aren’t even original cuz we were poor and could never afford it, so i looked up the merch online and my mum had a similar thing done in a local, cheaper workshop for my birthday one time, please don’t judge me for that) and it was just music for me, as well as the english, american, japanese, polish and hungarian music was just music too. 

and i got terrible shit for it from my cousin, who pretty much criticized everything about me: my clothes (we were poor, i was mostly dressing out of second hand shops and surprise - her hand-me-downs), my shitty phone (and old samsung model i got for my 9th or 10th bday), my taste in books (i really REALLY loved king’s books to which one of my classmates introduced me back then), my inability to perfectly speak the language (though i was raised in a bilingual household, the main language in my house was hungarian, and i was a stubborn kid who rarely ever wanted to speak polish at home, so when we moved i could barely speak the language, had to take extra classes every day in school for almost the entire first school year i spent here because i had to learn to write and speak properly), but the biggest shit i always got for kpop, that it’s garbage, that i don’t even understand it, it’s just shitty party music with extra steps... i resented her for that A LOT, which probably had smth to do with the age difference too, but hey, whatever. i always closed up when we visited them and my mum was understanding about it, she pretty much allowed me to just hang around the place and listen to my music, play on my phone or just read a book, and my aunt hated it - but it was at least peaceful, i occasionally got the kpop jab from my cousin which i shrugged off, but that was it... until one time i spoke up.

i can’t remember what it was about - but we were all having lunch and it was easter or christmas maybe, and at a certain point i got called out for something, maybe using my phone under the table? anyway, i spoke up about treating me like shit because i was already 15 by that and i had a big fucking mouth and no tolerance for their bullshit after listening to it for two years, which ended in my mother almost going into a shock after hearing my vicious remark, my aunt’s husband going into a raging fit and my aunt telling my mum that she’s a terrible mother and raised a terrible kid. we left after that and i didn’t return to them in the following years - i just heard from the grapevine that my cousin ended up dropping out of college because “it was just too tiring and too much”, broke up with her boyfriend and then was just sleeping around with some random dudes, and generally just misrailed her life and had to move back in with her parents who were devastated after all their hopes about my cousin went to hell.

i haven’t seen them for years - we sort of reconciled a few years later when my mother forced me to do it; my cousin probably forgot by then whatever shit she was giving me earlier and we hanged out a bit, caught up and shit... i’m pretty sure it was only because she was to get married to her boyfriend and wanted the whole family there? not important. 

the boyfriend is a pretty awful person imo tbh - he has some nationalist tendencies, not once spoke up in a very homophobic and derogatory way about all kind of lgbtq+ people, which in the end resulted in me removing him from all my social medias, because miss me with that nationalism babe. anyway, they got married and moved into their own place and into the family spotlight again, while i finished school and then years after their wedding my mum announced very proudly that i finished school with good grades and got into university - which immediately stirred the shit in the old shit bucket our relations were. my own fucking aunt dared saying that i’ll never succeed in life and will drop out than her own daughter would because i’m not made for a successful life. she never said it to my face - said it to my mother, who gave up a job she loved just so she could send me half a country away from my home so i could study where i wanted. i mean, i have my own issues with my mother too but i can’t not admire her sacrifices she made for me - so that sort off hit it off again with me and i once again burned bridges with them when moving out 3 years ago. seen them maybe two times since then? i mean, i never tried reaching out to them - they only ever got some happy birthdays and merry christmases on facebook, because my mother insisted i do that. they never called or wrote back, not for my birthday, not for christmas, not for anything else. i only found out in the last few months that on that christmas 2 yrs ago, which i spent alone, they were asked by my mum to please invite me over at least for a coffee. they never even called and my mum was heartbroken over it, because she was literal thousands of kilometres away, working and counted on her sister to invite me... my mum’s friends, basically strangers, ended up inviting me over for a christmas dinner in the end. i spent a family holiday with people i’ve literally seen five times in my life and they were more than joyful to have me in their company and they even got me a present, while my technically closes family couldn’t even spare a phone call.

now i’m 23 and my cousin is closing on 30 - and she’s suddenly overcome with that kpop obsession she has, spamming both instagram and facebook with mv links, fantaken photos, band-related posts and news articles, all heart emojis and “OmG i LoVe ThEm” kind of bullshit captions, she’s intensely drooling over certain members she’s posting a lot about, i’m seeing at least 15 posts daily about her bad drawings of members of the band.... listen.... if an artist doesn’t practice for 7+ yrs, the skills they had just start to fade away even if they were really talented (trust me, i know it from my own experiences, i used to know how to draw, sing and play a few instruments when i was young but then i stopped practicing and now the most i can draw in a stickman, i can’t play any instruments for shit and i’m a low average in singing too), but she thinks she’s some motherfucking superstar of drawing portraits (trust me, shes NOT) and keeps spamming all those pics and posts and shit.... and just seeing that sort of brought the memories back, of her treating me like shit over a thing she’s now obsessed with and i’m just sitting here like.... gag.

i could absolutely understand being a fan and being a group stan but there is a certain limit after which being a fan turns into that gross, twisted thing. do you know all those memes that go along the lines of “i don’t hate kpop because of the music, i hate kpop over the r*tarded fans it has”? that’s a whole ass mood. i’m sure that everyone who’s at least interested in kpop heard of the insane psychofan part of the fanbase.... and she’s turning into it. she’s fucking drooling over some famous strangers while she’s like... 30. and has a husband. would it be so hard for her to “keep it in her pants”? i’m super NOT interested in seeing all that crazy fan shit she’s pulling and honestly she’s grossing me out and you know people like her are the reason i can’t even fucking enjoy kpop anymore the way i did earlier - because it’s being fucking pushed down my god damned throat every-fucking-where i look. just calm the very fuck down, please. behave like a god fucking damned adult.