#because we don't comprehend the extent of what was holding her back we just go well. she wasn't in the kitchen so its nice that she got to

[cruelsister-moved2]

so much misogyny goes so unrecorded like i briefly had a crisis over my dissertation like maybe its not that deep and im being a snowflake but the thing is even though you can also always find examples of men being openly hostile and terrible a lot of the time you just look back and see a woman who didn’t progress with her career and you don’t know that its because her male bosses privately didn’t think a woman was competent or her husband made her feel guilty for working. most of the misogyny that impacts my daily life i have to stop and think... when they look back they’ll never know this was happening to us!!!

[vyunok-obyknovenniy]

A little analysis of this part in the Odyssey:

Reading time: ~10 minutes

Book 23, The Great Rooted Bed, Fagles' tr-n There he sat, leaning against the great central column, eyes fixed on the ground, waiting, poised for whatever words his hardy wife might say when she caught sight of him. A long while she sat in silence … numbing wonder filled her heart as her eyes explored his face. One moment he seemed … Odysseus, to the life— the next, no, he was not the man she knew, a huddled mass of rags was all she saw.

“Oh mother,” Telemachus reproached her, “cruel mother, you with your hard heart! Why do you spurn my father so—why don’t you sit beside him, engage him, ask him questions? What other wife could have a spirit so unbending? Holding back from her husband, home at last for her after bearing twenty years of brutal struggle— your heart was always harder than a rock!” “My child,” Penelope, well-aware, explained, “I’m stunned with wonder, powerless. Cannot speak to him, ask him questions, look him in the eyes … But if he is truly Odysseus, home at last, make no mistake: we two will know each other, even better— we two have secret signs, known to us both but hidden from the world.”

Odysseus, long-enduring, broke into a smile and turned to his son with pointed, winging words: “Leave your mother here in the hall to test me as she will. She soon will know me better. Now because I am filthy, wear such grimy rags, she spurns me—your mother still can’t bring herself to believe I am her husband.<...>

Telemachus is a precious baby, we've established that.

But he does act a bit like a brat with Penelope a couple times. Of course I don't think that any of that is malicious or that he doesn't love her, but he's still being a bit of a brat.

They both suffered, their pain was similar, but also very different, their experiences and the way they processed it were different as well.

Moreover, at this moment Telemachus has already spent some time with Odysseus. They already had their meeting/reunion and they already cried it out (to an extent. I'm sure there's more crying they'll do afterwards). They even had a father-son bonding activity (a.k.a. the slaughter of the suitors). Telemachus got to know his father at least a little bit over the past couple of days and at this point he processed and accepted the idea of Odysseus being back.

Penelope, on the other hand, was told about it just a moment ago. She can't immediately go "oh, you're saying Odysseus is back? Wonderful, let me greet him", no. Odysseus wasn't away on a short hunting trip or something, he was away for two whole decades, half of that time he was pretty much thought to be dead by most people (the first half wasn't that much better, as he could've still died any time during the war, but at least he wasn't lost, Penelope knew where he was).

Now she needs time to wrap her head around what is happening. We even see her thoughts as she goes to meet Odysseus:

Penelope started down from her lofty room, her heart in turmoil, torn … should she keep her distance, probe her husband? Or rush up to the man at once and kiss his head and cling to both his hands?

She wants to reunite with him, she wants this to be true, but she can't be sure of anything now. They have been apar for longer than they knew each other. Does he still love her like he used to? Is he the man she loved? Is it even the real Odysseus in the first place? She needs to process everything, as well as confirm all the information herself, and Telemachus, at least at this moment, doesn't comprehend that. He's acting quite immature, scolding his mother for not immediately believing and accepting that Odysseus is back.

This is a very interesting detail. First it once again shows us that Telemachus still lacks a lot of maturity, despite having been on his coming of age trip. He's still very young.

Yes, he definitely grew a lot in that short time, but it would've been impossible for him to learn everything at once, he still has a lot of that immaturity left in him, there's still a lot of room to grow and that's completely understandable. We, as people, grow for our whole lives and Tele is doing remarkably well, especially considering his circumstances.

Another interesting thing about this part is that it shows Telemachus', perhaps a bit childish, impatience. He is a kid, who finally met his dad (and his biggest hero), he knows that his mother was suffering and grieving for pretty much his whole life (with things getting a lot worse over the past decade). From Telemachus' perspective Odysseus' return is supposed to solve all their problems, especially since their biggest problem, a.k.a. the suitors, was just taken care of and it wouldn't have happened without Odysseus.

Telemachus just wants a happy family. His dad is back and seems to love him, the suitors are gone, now his parents should reunite, his mother will stop grieving and everything will be perfect. This is something he dreamt of his whole life and it's finally so close, but his mother doesn't immediately believe him. She doesn't immediately accept Odysseus and Telemachus doesn't understand why. He is too preoccupied with wanting things finally to be okay, that he doesn't take time to think about what Penelope must be feeling. It doesn't even occur to him. Perhaps it's also partially the need to be believed and listened to, which is also something he lacked growing up around suitors and being treated as a child, but I'm not diving into that right now.

Odysseus, on the other hand, understands what's going on. He assures his son, that everything will be okay. He pretty much does a more adult version of "mom and dad will take care of this, you go play for a bit". Odysseus understands Penelope's reaction and goes from there. Of course he wants to be in her embrace as soon as possible, but considering everything she has been through, he definitely can't just suddenly grab her and do what he wants. This is his dearly beloved wife and he wants her to take on that role voluntarily, like she did before, he wants her to accept him as her dear husband, like she did before, and for that he has to let her do it at her own pace. He tries to meet her where she's at, to do this reunion on her terms, to assure her, that he is, who he says he is and who others tell her he is.

This is just so amazing and I love their relationship so much (T▿T)♡

I also love Penelope's reaction to Telemachus' words. She doesn't react negatively, she is remarkably calm and part of it is probably the shock from what's happening, but still, she is "well-aware". I think that she knows Telemachus really well, because even though he has surprised her with how much he matured, he's still the same boy, he's still her kid. She most likely understands where Telemachus' outburst is coming from and doesn't get angry, doesn't scold him for his impatience, she reassures him. She lets him know, that he doesn't need to be scared of things falling apart and that she isn't looking to reject Odysseus. She's looking for Odysseus and she hopes she can find him in that familiar and strange man before her. She just needs time, but she will be taking the effort to search for what she's looking for, now that she has a way (she wouldn't have been able to go searching for Odysseus at sea, but now he's, supposedly, right here and she will handle it like the queen that she is).

[vulpine111]

I just woke up and this is something that comes back to haunt me a lot, still. (Even years later.)

I remember while I was recovering from living in and out of wards at the mental home, I was out of it to the extent I had an unrealistic idea of when I'd die. This was due to an HPV diagnosis and a biopsy where they found abnormal cells. I wasn't sure if I would die while under anesthesia for the procedure to burn off the start of cervical cancer or how good my kidneys still were after prior attempts to end it all.

It can also take years to fully bounce back from the level of psychosis I suffered. I was still low-key psychotic at that place because the meds they had me on were sub par and my dad was trying to say I'm not "allowed" to advocate for myself and try something that might work better.

Due to fear/anxiety, I asked one of my then friends something rather rude. Basically, if I could stay with her. I didn't think it would be for long either. I just needed someone to agree that their address was where I was headed to prevent the mental home from filling out a missing person's report. I didn't want to just rot there.

It was an inappropriate question which I am wholeheartedly sorry for, but I still don't understand why she took it muchly out of context and cut ties with me. She went a step further to insult me and my character before doing it too.

I was dealing with a lot of emotional abuse from my parents at the time. My mother fed into my fears. When I explained I wanted to be buried here in New Mexico, she said I "wasn't coming home." I was going to be cremated and sent to some plot she owns in Ohio because I'm not even worth the cost or time a proper funeral entails.

In such a vulnerable state, I don't know how to fully explain how much it messed with my head to be treated like some irredeemable, worthless monster who doesn't truly care for anyone or even deserve the courtesy of having my remains handled as I wish.

I do care about other people. I care about everyone at least a little bit. Even people I don't understand.

When I'm psychotic, I don't, though! Why? Cuz I ain't there! I wish people wouldn't take it personally, but it can be hard not to if you've never been mentally compromised, I suppose. I basically just didn't have the "room" to care.

The capacity. The bandwidth. Whatever you want to call it. It wasn't there because I was depleted from my brain doing what it does instead of work the way it's supposed to.

I understand (to outsiders) psychosis is disturbing to deal with over the years, but imagine how it must feel for the person going through it. I tried to explain all this to her, but she wouldn't hear me.

She said, "Psychosis sucks but it isn't a reason to be nice to you."

As if we schizophrenics are sub-human and less worthy of compassion. It still hurts, okay? It hurts. It hurts I was dismissed about something I can't even help and am doing my best to manage. Psychosis doesn't just "suck." It's devastating.

Many people still demonize and stigmatize me for what I've been through even though they wouldn't last one day in my shoes and I'm just tired. Sometimes, the grief eats at me and I cry.

It's a huge burden to carry and I don't comprehend why God gave it to me while depriving me of what I hoped to have by now.

Some people are lucky. Their lives are full. I wish my life was like theirs. They have careers, partners, homes, pets, and other blessings I wish I had. This friend who dropped me is way more fortunate than I've ever been.

She has a family. A husband. A house. An education. A job and the ability to hold that job. She's appreciated and loved in ways I probably never will be.

The least she could have done was be there for me while I try and pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche, but after a while, people get sick of tolerating the poor pathetic mental patient.

I wish God had dealt me a better hand.

It's not fair.

[bookwyrminspiration]

For the most recent post doing my ask about Maui! (5/12/21, or 12/5/21 for the American date system I think)

Yes!! With these types of oc's they are generally parts/all of you and that can help you figure a lot of stuff out, alternatively people make oc's the opposite of themselves because of self esteem issues!! Maui is simultaneously someone I want to be, someone I do not ever want to be, and someone to help me work through my problems efficiently if I remember he exists (kinda)

It's nice being able to imagine yourself in experiences that you will never know, without it being you. I find it quite pleseant, myself.

Yes!! More characters need poor memory!! Like yeah it's more work on the author but still, I find that it'd be much more realistic to have a character forget about the Important Object entirely and make it work with literally everything else and realise hours later that it could've been so much easier

And u don't hold that against you for his name!! A lot of people do!! I just happen to vaguely remember the stories we were told in primary school and remembered this kid in primary (He was kind of a dick but whatever) called Maui. And it depends on the day!! Mostly!! He went through a real rough patch where he was basically drugged up for a while after his wife died and had a general disdain for the law when he was younger (2nd/3rd time, I'm still revising everything with this so it's all subject to change), but he is definitly getting better and going to therapy. He is definitly leaning towards chaos incarnate but full of love (I wouldn't call him stupid but his smart is the hyperfocus kind of smart so he is really only intelligent when it comes to machines and small other things but for the most part there are no thoughts. Like he is absolutly a genius, he could probably cure cancer kind of genius, but he cannot comprehend normal life properly. Everything is too loud and he wants tk do everything at once or nothing at all and sometimes he wants to do something but he can't and either starts things much too early or finishes them right before the deadline, or hyprfocuses on his machines.) But yes!! He would give off big himbo vibes. Like even if he looked all tough and scary it would immediatly be remidied by his almost comical love for his pocket mirror and his general politeness. He thinks he's figured out social situations.

Ok so the mother didn't care about him and that was like. Her big drug rage because he looks quite similar to his dad who called her out on her bullshit and left without another word and was. Not very sane. By the time she was sober enough to realise what she did, Maui had stopped the bleeding with his knowledge of basic first aid and snuck out of the house to the town healer (No emergency services unfortunately, and no growing limbs back, either) and had started to work on his metal arm. Why did he have to go straight to prosthetics? Because he all but ran after his mum did that and has no clue what she did with his arm.

As for the world he's in, I'm imagining it's a sort of prehistory thing but all accounts of magic being able to be used have been destroyed and are. Long gone. I'll have to send in another ask explaining what I've done with the world so far but yeah. The short of it is: Magic is the life-force/soul that sustains every living thing and a civilization figured out how to use it to their advantage, either through some being able to use their own life force to create these miracles, or by combing the forces of others into potions and foods. Maui (named Viktor when he was a child the first time round) was born with the ability to do magic and accidently learnt how to make his machines come to life. The full extent of it was lost to him, all he cares about was that he could zap his inanimate bird and then it would fly around and generally live, even if he felt very drained and somewhat naustious afterwards. Maui directly ties into how this civilization fell, but that's for the other post.

And yeah!! Honestly I would love the occasional magic creature. Just animals in general. And yes!! Building your own family is great!! Found family with machines and magical creatures. And yeah, Maui went "Welp, if it's gonna take up all of my thoughts all day every day then I might as well get money from it." and he did. Probably not legally for the first lot of it, but he did. And steampunk is so cool!! I dknt know many punk aesthetics but I like that one a lot. Solarpunk sounds like a vibe, imma go look up what it is real quick after I send in this ask!

And yess, children need to be protected at all costs.

I only vaguely remember that kid now but!! He is so cute!! Also the embodiment of Maui trying to make scones!! He has no clue why, but he just can't make them. If they're underbaked, he puts them in the oven to keep baking, but then they burn. If they aren't underbaked, they're burnt. On the rare occasion they aren't underbaked or burnt, they always taste horrible and that is enough to quell Maui's celebrations. The worst attempt was the time that he basically turned scones into rocks, buried them, came back a few years later and they hadn't decomposed! It's a fun story for him to tell. He keeps them in a glass case in his walk in closet.

And yes, why wouldn't this kid have to microwave them longer, if they're smoking then that means they're close to melting, you should have let him microwave them longer /j

Oh, he's tried being shorter all right! He did not succeed. But he tried! He's gotten so used to it that he barely notices it anymore. He just bonks his head into the door frames and carries on. Obviously he's paid for his doorframe to be taller, but for everywhere else...

I hope it does too! I do want to make it legitimate but still keep it fitted in with everything. I feel like he'd be quite insecure about it and feel a sense of resentment everytime he saw it so he would do everything in his power to forget, but with time he comes to drop all the things he uses to hides it and just accepts his arm. I forgot that researching was a thing that I could do but I will deifnitly do it and his arm will probably be revised somewhat! But for now, whenever he meets friends of friends he has a nice time of shaking their hand and subtly detaching his arm and leaving them holding onto it, he's got a slip that makes it look and feel like a real arm. Or it's magic. I haven't decided.

Ayyy, forgetful buddies! I forgot I even sent in this ask!! Oh, I'm sure he has lost it in the bathroom before. I say lsot but he jsut forgot he left it there. He probably took it off to shower and left it on the sink and walked right passed it once he was finished. He freaked out once he realised, though, and eventually found it.

I don't know what noodle vibes mean but for the rest, absolutly. His favourite places to just flop down and sleep include his couch and outside on the grass. If he is tired and his body let's him sleep, he sleeps. Doesn't matter where.

Pets!! More characters in published media need pets. Like average pets. Like a cat or a bird or something. Like, even of its a magical cat. Cats basically teleport anyway so I don't see the big deal. And yes!! He loves his lizard and cat!! And he often ignores the legality of something, for better or for worse

Aww, so she's like the lizard then. Except the vocal bit. But ahhh she sounds amazing!! I love it!! Bart is purposefully chaotic and is probably the incarnation of evil but is quick to comfort Maui if he's upset and will jump into Hemo's enclosure to drag him over to help.

I will tell him! He would be very happy to teach you and would frantically shove lots of blueprints in your arms and keep blabbering about it and forgetting to pause for a breath, and would try slow down and clarify anything if need be.

Yeah, I think I'm slowly figuring out my style! Writing isn't something I do often so I think it's going a lot slower than drawing, but that's ok! It makes sense! And yeah, I'm almost scared to lock him into a storyline and make things about him 'canon', I like the fluidity I have with him, but I do also want to share an authentic him with the world! But that requires a lot more planning about the type of world he would be in and how he would fit into the story. Maybe I could just write a bunch of au's about him next to the main story. I can be my own fandom.

Also wow this is so long! I have spent more than 40 minutes on this!! Its truly a feat of mine. And yeah!! You've been busy and have other asks to get to, so that all makes sense! And yay!! Also I have revised the writing I did of Maui from the outside and made it generally more comprehensible but this ask is getting long so I'll just put it in its own ask.

And yes!! It's fun!! I'm someone who grows attached to a character so making more than one meaningful character is hard, but yeah!! I birthed him with my thoughts and words!! My advice would to try do some of those '40 questions for/about my character' if you haven't already! I don't think I've done one for Maui but it would be fun, I think

-Heathen

heathen! hello! It has been a fair amount of time since you sent this in, so thank you for your patience. Also, how dare you put dates on these and reveal to the world just how far in the past some of my asks are /j (this one is my oldest aside from oh shit just remembered two in my drafts. well, aside from those this is my oldest so they're not all this old!!)

(also i'm putting this under a cut to save space)

Honestly I think the best way to write characters is if they are a part of you, regardless of whether you want to be them or not. it helps when writing them so much to be able to understand the reasons they do the things they do, even if it's a part of yourself you don't like very much. People are patterns! People are consistent, even if you can't find the pattern or recognize your own patterns. So even if you don't like it, finding a pattern and creating one to build a character or their traits off of is so helpful, and can even be cathartic, to give your issues to someone who doesn't exist and let them act according to the patterns, and then learn from them without the irl consequences. I could give so many examples but I don't want to take up space.

And it is really nice to imagine people like you in scenarios you won't be in. It's like ah...the possibility. I personally don't like to include myself in my daydreams--it feels wrong--but sprinkling pieces of myself into the world and the characters and their decisions and their interests, it's like I am the daydream. I'm not just a character in it, but everything about that world and the people in it are mine and something about that is very thrilling.

Characters with poor memory my beloved!! there are some situations where it doesn't make sense--like kotlc and Sophie with her photographic memory--but otherwise, people have awful memories a lot of the time and it would be interesting to see how that affects the story when the character can't just suddenly put together the clues at a really dramatic time. Or to see the different ways they work in order to deal with their memory. Just a few hours ago I realized I needed to bring a form to a place tomorrow, and that in order to bring it there it needed to be in my bag. but it was on the desk. So I had to within moments of realizing that take initiative to put it near my bag and on top of objects that are essential for me leaving the house tomorrow so I wouldn't forget it. it all came down to like five seconds, and it would be nice to see characters do that too!!

also wow you threw a lot of information at me right there and I am still processing all that but--he had a wife?? I don't know why that stands out to me so much I guess he seems younger in my brain, but congrats--wait no something bad happened to his wife not congrats. I'm glad he's getting help that works for him, though! "chaos incarnate but full of love" is my brain on a regular basis. I'm sure I'm not nearly as chaotic as Maui, but I will appreciate from afar as he wreaks havoc on the world entirely by accident. And being really smart about really specific things is an entirely vibe and I love it!! Though the trying to do things but brain says you can't is always annoying to deal with, so hopefully he's not suffering too much. You really went "he is incredibly neurodivergent" and I think that's incredible <33 I'm curious what makes him fond of his pocketwatch tho--

his mother is...definitely something! I'm wondering how long that drug induced rage was if he had time to do all that and also literally start building himself a replacement arm before she came down from it. I don't know a lot about recreational (or in this case maybe escapist) drug usage, but I feel like that would be...a very long high. But all that to say that's an intense childhood for Maui, like damn my dude do you need a hug??

and worldbuilding!! yay!! that's one of my favorite things to look at in a story: the world it's set in or has been created for it. From what you're saying so far, it sounds incredible! A world based on magic that can be harnessed and is tied to at least one person if not more. I won't get into all of it as you said you would send another, so I'll save my enthusiasm for there!! I can't remember at the moment if you have sent it, but either way!!

magical creatures are just yes all around. I mean, normal creatures are cool too, but like magic!! I love magic and fantasy and the impossible!! and just all the ways magical creatures can exist is so satisfying and fascinating and I love them,,so much. Found family that includes a magical creature is something that can actually be so personal. I'm glad he was also able to make money do what he enjoys, even illegally! honestly sometimes we all just gotta let loose and commit a few crimes. Petty theft, money laundering, tax evasion, you know (/j). I don't know a lot about punk aesthetics either, but I do know I enjoy them a lot and when looking at all the different kinds I agree with solarpunk ideology the most (and also like the aesthetic). But if I start talking about i'll take up a lot of space and also there are many people with a lot more knowledge than me!! Though I do hope to learn more when I can

characters who had really rough childhoods seeing children and deciding to do what they can to prevent another child from experiencing what they did....oh I love them so much. I have a few ocs like that and it's !! there's something about becoming the person who could've saved you when you were hurting that just so satisfying and evocative. Even when expressed through scones!! I will be honest i never understand the appeal of characters that are bad at cooking/baking because like...follow the recipe? You have a specific set of instructions to follow and then you'll get the result you want how are you messing that up. But you do you!! I hope Maui enjoys his not decomposed scones in a class case in the closet. that's a very specific detail of his character but I love it!!

(also the whole house smelled like smoke and that kid was just like ah yes let's do the exact same thing to see if it will solve the problem. I haven't seen those kids in forever but I jokingly told them that birds were their cousins and kept bringing it up and apparently they were repeating that even months later...maybe I shouldn't be around kids)

The benefits of being short: you can always increase your height! The benefits of being tall: ???? bonk. I hope he doesn't bonk his head too often, or that he has like a helmet he can wear when he's in public to absorb the shock of the bonk.

also slipping off his arm so that other people are holding it when they shake hands is incredible. just the absolute power that holds like..I am in awe. I don't know how much if any research you've done since you sent this but!! I hope it goes/is going well! I'm kinda in a similar situation with the wings au because I'm trying to make Dex's wings authentic to how prosthetics work in the human world so as not to erase that, while also acknowledging that his is an entirely different species that does everything different and so things would be different. Either way I wish you luck!

Forgetful buddies!! Sometimes things are super important and you're constantly trying to find ways to remember what they are, while other times it's just *shrug* and wait for it to come back to you. At any given point in time I assume there's something I'm forgetting or supposed to do that I'm not and I've just accepted it at this point. I don't think I've ever forgotten my arm in the bathroom, but I wouldn't put it past myself to do exactly that.

excellent news I also don't know what noodle vibes means. i just know it is correct and that he has them. as for sleeping anywhere...well at least he's sleeping!! that's something. Hopefully he's also well-rested, but he might be too chaotic to be. or, he's the kind of person who has the same amount of energy no matter how long he sleeps and can get through an entire day just fine on 4 hours of energy (though usually it starts to catch up with you towards the end in my experience as one of these people)

pets! more characters need them, and as a cat person I would very much like more characters to have cats whether they're magical or not. Dogs are fine they just...they make a lot of noises that really mess with me and I cannot!! process that!! I really wish I could but the moment a dog starts barking and growling I want to throw them off a cliff or strangle them to get the noise to stop, and since I can't then I just zone out really hard until they're quite. Cats do not make the icky dog sounds though!!

I'm glad you seem to like my cat! I happen to have a fondness for her, and Bart sounds incredible as well. I do not know a lot about Bart but I love him and wish him the best in his endeavors of being Maui's pet. that cannot be an easy task

I may not understand anything Maui says at first or the blueprints but I will listen dutifully along!! as for finding your writing style, that can take a while so the more you write the more opportunities you have to explore the language!! and even though put him to words can feel like locking him down, sometimes it helps to remember that drafts exist and this is just the first time you're writing it. You could write it 50 more times if you needed to! You can always go back and change things in your quest to share him with the world. And nothing is stopping you from writing your own aus!! I've done something kinda similar with an original story of mine where I take different characters and put then in other worlds and stories to experiment with how I want to write them, but it's not canon in the slightest. those two don't belong in space I just put them there temporarily.

and yep this is pretty long!! I've spent about 65 minutes answering it!! though parts of that were me getting distracted and doing other things for a minute or two but!! that's not the longest I've ever spent on an ask but it's up there. and I think I saw that you sent me the writing you mentioned, so I'll answer that later! I don't know exactly when as I'm trying to balance many things and asks at the moment, but I will get to it!

I also get very attached to specific characters and worlds. I have this whole set of like six or seven ocs that I really want to write about but whenever I start to think about them I get drawn back to this otehr group of five and i'm like wait, brain, the other people!! I'll get to them eventually though. And I might look at some of those questionaires!! Those characters are in need of some heavy remodeling, so i'd definitely need some of those basic questions to start over with.

this was a lot of information but thank you for sharing!! it's wonderful to learn more about maui and you at the same time!!

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

The Burrow is in color again.

Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary - The Battle of Hogwarts, only, Fred wasn't alone with Percy. You had been dating Fred for a while now and he wasn't letting you out of his sight during the fight. Do you let him out of yours?

Trigger Warning - Death, angst,

Standing beside your boyfriend and his brother in the great hall once more felt strange. You were standing behind Harry, glaring at the man you once called your professor. While you never liked Snape, you did well in potions and that alone kept you on his more decent side. Now, you hated the man with every fiber of your being.

Your hand was tightly in Fred's, his position slightly in front of yours as Mcgonagall began firing spells at the dark haired man. Once Harry explained what the students were off to look for, you, Fred, and George ran to take a post.

As you ran off, you saw a few first years scrambling in search of guidance. Your hand slipped from Fred's, moving to the group quickly. "Hey, hey, it's okay. You guys are all first years, yeah?" you asked, your voice soft. Seeing them all nod, your stomach twisted. Just about all the first years were already at the station, loading onto the train now. "Okay, come on, I'm going to try to get you all to the train. Hold onto each other. Were going to have to apparate. You guys have no idea what that is, but you're going to hate it. It's the only way we can make it." You gripped onto ones arms as the rest tried to hold on.

"Woah, woah, woah. Where are you going" Fred voiced himself as he caught up with you. "They are first years, Fred. They can't be here for this. They need to catch the train." You turned your head away from your boyfriend, back to the kids. "Then we're helping. I'm not letting you do any of this stuff by yourself today." You nodded, George and Fred taking a few first years themselves, as you apparated onto the platform and directed them into the train before heading back to the school before the barriers were up.

"You can't do that love. You can't. Run off like that, leave me without you. I won't be able to live if anything happens." Fred held you close to him, his hands up in your hair. George stood behind him, looking you in your eyes, nodding in agreement.

You sighed, but understood the seriousness in his voice. You felt the same way about Fred - if absolutely anything happened today to him, you were genuinely unsure how you'd be able to continue on.

Seeing as how you hadn't been without Fred sense first year, the last thing you could handle was not having him. You, George, and Fred met on Hogwarts Express, them seeing you sitting in a spare compartment, alone, and absolutely scared out of your wits. You were a confident kid, yeah, but this was the first time you'd ever be away from your family like this, in a world you didn't know existed until two months ago.

They sat in with you quickly, warming up to you within minutes. From that day on, you three were inseparable. When they got into trouble, you got them out of it. While they were the notorious trouble makers, you were the one that kept them both level headed. George wasn't quite as bad as Fred, but he couldn't always control his twin brothers actions. You, on the other hand, simply had to look at Fred the right way, and he was changing the details of his lated prank to fit your expectations of him.

Looking back on it now, you were really stupid to not see how whipped he truly was for you, but now that you knew, you used it to the fullest of your extent, especially when you weren't focused on the war surrounding you.

The two of you had officially gotten together your fifth year, George finally tired of the longing looks you both shared and came up with his own task of getting the two of you together. It took him a lot longer than he cares to admit, but finally the two of you were locked in a broom cupboard, having downed a bit of pumpkin juice with George's brewed Veratiserium. You and Fred were spilling the truth of your feelings for each other faster than you drank the juice itself. Which lead to your own seven minutes of heaven that lasted a bit longer than seven minutes, thanks to the locked door.

Now, the two of you stood together, prepared to fight for each other and your entire families, against a man you had feared the last 9 years of your life. You took a step back, leaning against the wall behind you as you gave the twins a few moments together.

"You okay Freddie?" Your eyes watered with the risk that lied ahead of all of you, your body attempting to warn you of just exactly what was due to happen to the three of you in just a moments time. But, instead, you focused on the deep voice of the love of your life before you, smiling softly as he spoke. "Yeah." The one word filling your head, a tear falling from it's home in your eye to slip down your cheek.

"Me too."

You moved to stand between the two twins, your hands grasping both of theirs. While you dated Fred, George was still your absolute best friend. The three of you having spent more time together than you ever have apart. Your heart was owned by both of the twins next to you, but in two very different ways. Your love of Fred filling up your entire being, leaving you breathless and full of oxygen at the same time. Your soul fuller than it ever thought it could be now that he was the one that held you at night. But your love for George filled up your brain, leaving you absolutely excited for the moments that stayed there. For each moment you had with Fred, you also had with George. He was your family, your brother, and you loved him just as such. The three of you created a bond no one in the world could break.

Fred's arm wrapped around your shoulders, his face moving to press a kiss into your temple. "Well, boys, I think it's finally time for me to get behind your crazy plans and put all that prank knowledge to its use." They chuckled, smiling down at you. "After all this time, we knew you were paying attention"

The three of you fought together for as long as you could, but you somehow separated from George and instead, met with Percy. You hoped with all of your being that George stayed safe, along with every one of the Weasley's.

You stayed with Fred and Percy, listening to them talk about simple things. It wasn't until you heard Fred laugh and the rumble of a wall that your heard fell. Moving to shoot your own spell at the wall, you held it up until your energy left you, hoping it gave someone enough time to save the love of your life. You had seemed to step forward as you cast your spell, for the moment it broke, you felt the weight of the stone upon your own body. Your eyes closed as you felt the breath you had in your lungs leave you, the ringing in your ears fill up your pounding head, and the cry of the pain just barely leaving your mouth. You looked to your left the best you could, seeing a head of red before your body gave out.

You weren't sure what death was like, if this was it, but it wasn't what you expected. You expected yourself to be standing infront of a gate or something, filled with a freeness you had never experienced before. You anticipated seeing all the family members you had gone so long without, standing before you as you felt your heart swell as you saw their faces after the time you lost with them. You expected to get some kind of answer as to why the world turned the way it did just as you were growing up. Why you found yourself worrying about unforgivable curses instead of your next date with Fred.

Instead, you saw white.

You didn't comprehend where exactly you were, not until your eyes took you into the crisp kitchen, feeling a sense of familiarity as you took on the burrow as clean as what it was. It was strange to see it this way, without the dishes cleaning themselves up, without the wind blowing through the open window, without the noises that came with being at the Burrow. You felt calm, but not nearly as calm as you would in the normal home.

"Y/n." You looked up to see a woman you had never met before, standing beside a man who looked exactly like Harry. The only difference was, Harry's beautiful eyes were the same as the woman standing before you. "You're, you're Lily Potter." Your voice sounded strange, not quite like your own. "And you're James. I know because Harry keeps that picture of you guys, even when he comes to the Burrow. You're his parents." Your words flew from your mouth, before your eyes closed. "Does this mean I'm dead?" Your voice was smaller than before, the pain filling it.

"Not exactly. That's up to you." James walked closer to you, showing you around the Burrow. "You can choose to let go, I'm assuming you can walk up the stairs and be met with exactly what you expected death to be like, but you don't have to." Lily smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind your head.

"Is Fred dead?" You whispered, looking at her.

"I don't know, honey. I'm so sorry." She took you in her arms, holding you to her chest. "I can't, I can't go back if he's not there, Mrs. Potter." Your tears fell once more, the whole in your heart already growing. "I can't live without him." Your sob filled the quiet air, your tears almost evaporating before they hit her skin. "I know honey, but you won't know unless you go back."

You looked at her, your eyes still full of the fears that filled you, only in the form of water. "I'm so scared." You whispered, looking at James. "It's okay to be scared honey, it really is." she cupped your cheeks, smiling softly. "But fear shows you you're alive." Lily's lips touched your forehead softly, smiling. "You're more than welcome to sit and think, the choice is yours." They both smiled at you, before vanishing. You weren't sure where they went, but you hoped it was as far away from Harry as they could. The last thing you wanted was for Harry to meet his parents through death do young.

You sat on the couch, thinking of the times you fell asleep on Fred's chest, threw pieces of chocolate at George and Ron, talked on and on with Charlie about the dragons he saw daily, read a book with Bill sitting across from you, or listened to Ginny and the boys groan as Percy went on and on about his prestigious job.

Your heard was full of Fred and George, yes, but it was also full of every single Weasley you came in contact with. They filled your heart, just as much as your twins did.

You nodded to yourself, taking a deep breath and letting go, unsure of how this was supposed to work. You felt confused as you tried to open your eyes, but was met with a force holding you back. You couldn't open them to find yourself in the crisp, white Burrow, but you also couldn't open them to find yourself back home.

You fought with your body for what felt like years, feeling like you couldn't command it to do the simple action that you completed from the day you were born. That was, until, you heard the sob from above you and the voice of Molly. "It's okay, she had to be okay."

You felt your heart squeeze and the pain rush to your head like you couldn't imagine before your eyes finally opened, seeing the people staring down at you. You first made eye contact with the woman you heard, her own sobs falling from your mouth quickly. "Get him, get him!" You couldn't quite hear her, but saw her mouth forming the words. Your ears screaming with the ringing you heard before.

Your eyes widened with tears as Fred's face filled your view, his cheeks blotchy and nose red from crying. George's face came into view next to his, his just as bad as Fred's. "I thought you died! We thought you died!" He said, his voice mumbled with the ringing in full effect. Your hand moved to tough your ears, hoping it would stop the annoying sound.

"It won't stop." You whispered, pulling at your ears. Ginny appeared with Madam Pomfrey, the woman dropping a simple potion into both ears, the ringing silencing after a few moments. "Freddie, Georgie." You cried, pulling them into you. "I - I saw red hair. I saw it. I thought you-" your sob filled the air as your eyes squeezed close.

"Well, something did happen." Ron said, pointing to the bed beside you. You turned your head to meet the face of Percy, another sob leaving you. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry." you cried, looking at Molly. "I tried to stop the wall, I tried so hard. I just couldn't keep it long enough." She pulled you into her arms, her own tears falling. This time, you saw your cries hit her skin, causing you to cry more. You weren't dead, you were alive.

"It's okay, it's okay." She whispered, holding you tight.

You're unsure how it all happened, but the next time you woke, you were in the burrow, but it's color was showing, the notices of each Weasley bouncing off the walls, and the soft breeze filling your senses. You were laying on the couch, the same one you found yourself sitting on after speaking to James and Lily. You glanced to the side to see Fred asleep on the floor next to you, George on the couch across from you.

You smiled softly, the pain still vibrating through your body as you smiled, kissing the knuckles of Fred's hand. You lived. He lived. It's okay.

The Burrow was in color again.

[deathbydarkelves]

I decided to make playlists for Cathala and Tarinne plus explanations for why I chose each song because I entered one of those ADHD fugue states and if I didn't finish this task I would die

Anyway here are the two links (they're youtube playlists because I don't have spotify. I would obviously recommend using an adblocker if you're just gonna watch on youtube) and the explanations for each song are below the cut :) Each playlist is about an hour long.

For Tarinne’s:

1. Foggy Nights: I consider this her theme so putting it first as a sort of intro only makes sense.

2. Here’s a Health to the Company: I think this works as an example of her general disposition. She’s a people person, and always a fan of singing these sorts of songs in taverns, on ships, or what have you. It also kind of feels like a sendoff to soldiers, which I imagine symbolizes her joining the Sentinel Army and quickly thereafter fighting in the Third War.

3. Wartime Prayers: Somewhat self-explanatory, this is symbolizing her seeing war for the first time, but I also included it because the last line transitions SO WELL into the next song.

4. The Hollow: This song is an intro to an album I've never heard so I don't know the context, but I really love it because it sounds like someone praying to their deity and like I mean c'mon. Elune. Tarinne's praying to Elune to guide her through the war. Do I need to elabo-

5. Wave Walker: KILL DEATH MAIM AHAHAHAHA

6. Isil Elun’falo: Just a super rad fan-made night elf song that's basically "wow we sure do love Elune" said in twenty different ways for four and a half minutes. But it ROCKS and I LOVE it.

7. Chewing Cotton Wool: This song is about losing a loved one (I did have to check but yeah that's what it is) and I use it to symbolize Tarinne losing her mom during the war. The last line, which includes the song's title, I especially like. It's referring to how morticians (apparently) put cotton gauze in a corpse's throat and mouth to keep body fluids in and make the face look more natural. So there's a fun fact for you.

8. See U Soon (Song for Dad): Just a short lofi piece to rest a bit, and it was also chosen because the title's in reference to Tarinne growing closer to her dad after losing her mom. She still visits him at his leathers and furs shop in Stormwind fairly often, especially after dangerous adventures. She just wants to make sure he knows she's alright ;-;

9. No Lullaby: Right back into it with a song that I use to represent Tarinne's general feeling of not being able to go home because it's not there anymore. She's felt like this since the end of the Third War, but it's especially strong since the whole Teldrassil thing. But I like the ending, "who said you're on your own," because it contrasts the repeating of "alone" in the rest of the song. And it's kinda like "hey, listen, you're not the only one who feels like she can't go home." I mean that's probably how basically every single night elf feels right now skxnks

10. The Moss: This song juxtaposes classic fairy tales with scientific facts about the world and I love it to BITS. I'm using it here to represent both Tarinne's love for storytelling but also her sort of... part-time historian/archaeologist/conservator career.

11. Rasputin: I just associate this song with her for some reason and this was the best place to put it.

12. Electric Feel: Moving on to focus more on Tarinne's relationship with Cathala now. This is an extremely great and somewhat 😏 song that I also included because the electricity theme is appropriate because Cathala has lightning powers and y'know it's from Tarinne's perspective or whatever.

13. Bedroom Hymns: You know why this is here.

14. Movement: I can't talk about love songs without talking about Hozier, okay. This is just a nice, slower song to relax a bit with.

15. Never Let Me Go: I have an entire goddamn music video in my head with Cathala and Tarinne for this song and it’s very dramatic and emotional and I had to include this song or I’d die. Basically just listen to near the end of this song when she's repeating the title over and over, and imagine the two of them seeing each other at opposite ends of a battlefield after the dust settles and they rush towards each other and fall to their knees holding on as tightly as they can because they got separated early on and each thought the other was dead. Then you'll know how I feel when I listen to this song.

16. Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control: First of all I love the title, and second of all there's a big section in the middle (1:49 to 2:47) that I like to interpret as the two of them grappling with the fact that they're not really quite sure who or what they're fighting for anymore. Their people, yeah, but there's so many alliances and semi-permanent enemies and only-on-every-other-thursday-enemies all intertwined and the world is just so very confusing and they're trying to make the best of it. Elf school didn’t include international, interracial politics in its curriculum. It did however include how to properly plant trees, and AP calculus (this is a joke).

17. In Dreams: I like to imagine this song is something the two of them would say to each other, as a way of saying “even when everything we know is gone, even when the world ends, I will still be by your side. And if I’m not, don’t fear, for I will find you.” It makes a nice note to end on :)

For Cathala’s:

1. muse: Just a nice lofi intro to get us into things :) I don't see this song as her theme, like I do with Tarinne and the first song in her playlist, but I like it quite a bit. I don't actually really have a theme for Cathala yet, I'm currently going with a version of Way of the Monk from WoW's OST but I'm still looking for something better.

2. Frogs Singing: I included this because it's about just appreciating nature, which works because night elf and also mindfulness and meditation is a whole thing.

3. Tongues: This is a song about feeling distant from your peers which is like Cathala's whole existence! She's this weird mix of two cultures and ultimately she feels out of place regardless of where she is or who she's with. Also the theme with not understanding what people are saying works because the poor woman had to learn Pandaren from scratch and that shit ain't easy. I think blizz said somewhere probably that Common is just a language that EVERYONE knows inherently because Video Game but that's bullshit in my opinion. I'll allow spells that let you understand foreign languages to an extent (Comprehend Languages from D&D lets you understand the LITERAL meaning only, which I like), but every culture and species in the universe knowing Common is silly if you think about it for more than two seconds.

4. Kung Fu Fighting: I'm legally required to include this song. Also I prefer the Kung Fu Panda version, I'm sorry.

5. Harder Better Faster Stronger: I vicariously experience having a great work ethic through Cathala and that's why this song is here because she has 999 Determination and does Too Many push-ups every day or something idk. I was gonna say "every morning" but I have a headcanon that elves only need to sleep every couple of days (sort of a nod to "elves don't need to sleep at all" from D&D, and to explain why NIGHT elves are active at all hours of the day) so that doesn't work.

6. What's Up Danger: This song is Cathala's whole Vibe. Almost zero threat assessment skills in this woman's brain. If it can be punched, she will punch it.

7. Eye for an Eye: Fairly self-explanatory, it's a song about wanting revenge so... yeah. Checked that box. It was this or The Vengeful One by Disturbed but ultimately The Vengeful One's religious symbolism probably makes it fit better as a Tyrande theme lol ("I'm the hand of god, I'm the dark messiah." Did you mean: the Night Warrior)

8. Survivor: Cathala's survived a lot of shit and this could kinda be her making fun of herself for it because "Gods, man! Don't I deserve a break!"

9. Ashes: Really the reason I include this song is the last chunk (2:42 to the end) because holy shit. Listen, if I was gonna include a song with fire motifs, it was gonna be a somber one like this.

10. Into the West: This can kinda represent Cathala just trying to fucking breathe and recover from Teldrassil. Also works because I dunno it has stuff to do with the elves in LotR, I haven't seen those movies in a while. It sounds nice and is melancholy so I included it.

11. Like Real People Do: Cathala loves Tarinne a lot you guys have I ever menti-

12. Into the Wild: Tarinne changed Cathala's world for the better and she's super fucking grateful she has her by her side. Kinda goes without saying but you know.

13. Chasing the Moon: I have a vague music video in my head for this of them falling in love and it's very cute so there's that. Also it's in this specific spot because hey she may be deeply traumatized but she's still got a fair number of things/people in her life that make her happy so :)

14. Follow My Girl: I've got a theme going in my head that while Tarinne is fairly certain of her place in the world, Cathala is still trying to find hers. She outlived all her connections on Pandaria because Elf Lifespans(tm) and the only members of her family still alive are distant relatives she never knew very well.

15. Wish That You Were Here: This works both to represent Cathala on Pandaria feeling super homesick, and for more recently after Teldrassil. Either way, it's a message to her parents and sister.

16. Mr. Fear: She does her damnedest to hide it but she's absolutely terrified something like Teldrassil's gonna happen again! That fear drives her to do everything in her power to protect who and what she can. As long as they're not Forsaken, cause she's still got her biases, that compassion even extends across faction lines. She never really got the whole Alliance/Horde thing anyway. Innocent people shouldn't have to die, regardless of who or what they are.

17. Ordinary Day: Not to get super out there but I think this song works as symbolizing Cathala really trying to hold on to her faith in Elune, but ultimately feeling pretty abandoned. I mean she can clearly see Elune's influence everywhere. But Elune sure ain't doing Cathala any favors as far as she can tell! It also ends the whole playlist on maybe a bit of an uncertain/open-ended note, because this "losing faith" aspect is a new thing with her and will definitely be something she continues to struggle with for a while. On a related note, I should say Tarinne is still very much devout but she gets what Cathala's feeling and doesn't force anything on her, and vice versa. And Cathala wouldn't become atheist, the night elves aren't monotheistic and she still worships all the other deities, it's just specifically Elune she's a little :/ on.

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Okay, who am I going to answer first...

Dear Jessy, as well as Yuvon I am dearly sorry for your loss. My relation to Matt goes the same way as with Yuvon and she already explained, so I will not repeat this story. I don't think you'd want that now.

I too, agree with everything Yuvon told you about him. Of course we can never be 100% sure about 'your' Jake. As with Yuvon, if you just want to close this, please stop reading now.

I know four Jakes now. Mine, a Jake we call TSB, Yuvons Jake and Jake of a person we call Rai.

None of those Jakes is to any extent a murderer and even less the MWAF.

You could call me Matts counterpart in this world, even though I am as well as Yuvon a girl. Your counterpart and myself aren't in a romantic relationship either. I wish [this word is completely blacked out] and I were

Two of the Jakes I talked about had personal contact with me, more than just letters. And you could say they safed my life. Or at least do everything they can.

Again, we cannot be 100% sure that the Jake of your universe didn't do it, but even though there seemingly is evidence against him, it just doesn't make any sense, right?

What would you do if an innocent person was caught now? And even more Jake, who probably gets even more problems now. [The words could be readable if you hold it in light. But probably even more if you have a bit experience with reading crossed out words] After he trusted all of you. I cannot imagine what I'd do if the same thing

It's for me the same as Yuvon, once more. Please don't ask me any questions after when you and Thomas were in Michael Hansons house.

I..I think I don't have to say more to you in the moment. Sorry if I sounded a bit rude.

You may skip this part, if you even read till here, Jessy :)

Have I been rude in my part to Jessy? I didn't intend to...Reading her letter just was like a real punch in the gut. [The writing becomes a bit shaky and the word 'imagining' is a bit smudged, as if it got wet] The thought of what might happens there right now makes me feel sick. And imagining that the same thing could happen to TSB because of me now...

But back to business. I need that now.

I already have a place chosen and Jake was so friendly to get Max and myself tickets and a place under a wrong name. I still payed though, I would feel bad if not.

It's evening now and the call happened. Same as last time, with the difference that some kind of anxiety kicked in. But luckily Jake texted me immediately afterwards :) So it wasn't too bad.

Yeah, it seems the Duskwood Detective Inc. is a real tragedy-magnet...

I feel so sorry for Matt, I mean, he's kind of our counterpart, right? Like the Jakes are counterparts.

You're right about Max, I'll do that. That sounds good. And in the end, the MWAF is a real danger, stalker, whatever. At least not friendly.

I mean, it seems that the Crow-Crew not trusting Jake is in many universes...BUT did you realise something in Jessys letter? It seems Lilly and Dan believed Jake to be innocent. Dan. Which is kinda cool and refreshing.

I also definitely wait for them to contact me!

And yeah, I packed a whole pencil case. And I'll probably steal my favourite pen from work. Just because.

Btw, Jake, I don't know what you and Jake talked about, but he seemed very excited after I sent him your answer. Thanks for that I guess? And he lets me tell you that this helped him enormly. He'll 'text' you again when he has more results about whatever it seems.

Oh, and about..what seemed to be your last question? I don't know.

So, Jake said that he wanted me to tell you no, he never had this experience. He couldn't. He has an idea what you're talking about but that doesn't fit to him. Another thing, though. But he doesn't want me to know. He'll tell you when he writes a message just for you again.

Damn, you make me curious..But I won't read what I am not supposed to. Those are Jake things.

Now I hope I didn't forget anything, if so just remind me. I'll answer that next time :)

Lis, and in some way, Jake🐾🔥

Lis,

I don't think there's exactly a way to avoid being rude in a situation like this. Walking over eggshells is irritating. Being straightforward is rude. All the middle paths are irritating AND rude. I did the best I could in my letter to Jessy, but I'm pretty sure I failed miserably.

I feel really bad for basically Jessy's entire timeline. Jessy lost Matt. Matt was killed. Jake was captured. Hannah seems to still be missing, from what I can tell. Thomas lost Hannah. Cleo lost Hannah. Lilly lost Hannah AND Jake. Dan has to watch the bad end unfold and watch his friends spiral into depression. It’s basically one of the worst endings I can think of to all this.

I’m sure that TSB isn’t going through the same things now. Goldie probably gave things a nudge in the right direction in that timeline so you wouldn’t be too torn up about it.

Alright, at least things still are going chronologically. And it’s good Jake helped you get your destination all set up, and that he texted you after the call :)

Yeah, you, me, Rai, and Matt all seem to be counterparts of a sort. Not quite as closely as the Jakes are, but still.

You’re right! I missed that. Maybe Dan and Jake managed to get over their animosity in that year? Or maybe Dan saw the same weirdnesses with the crime as I did. But Dan sort of leaps to conclusions a lot, so probably not the second one.

Looks like the Jakes want to talk behind our backs XD   I’ll hand this over now.

—Yu

(The handwriting changes to Jake’s.) Hello, Lis.

I am somewhat confused. If I am understanding this correctly, an alternate version of Jessica who dated an alternate Detective named Matt contacted Yuvon after Matt’s death, somehow. I believed that only entities and detectives could write letters to Yuvon in here: is that not so? If the restriction does not exist, that opens up quite a few possibilities I have never considered before.

Additionally, Matt’s version of myself was framed for his murder, if I am understanding correctly. I cannot comprehend a version of myself that would have been the kidnapper. And both Lilly and Dan both believed my counterpart to be innocent? Odd, given his recent behavior towards myself.

In any case. At least the timeline seems to be moving predictably as of yet, and your bolthole is secured.

Tragedy does seem to stalk the footsteps of you and your counterparts. It could be chance, mixed with the risk factor of being in your position, but I am becoming more and more inclined to say that even those of us who have not encountered entities are their playthings. Do you concur?

I am glad I was able to help your Jake. I am not sure what to feel about my theory being confirmed, however. On the one hand, confirmation is a comfort: I am not overly fond of the unknown. On the other, that makes me very markedly different from at least your Jake, in a way I would not usually assume would vary across universes. I wonder if there are any other Jakes like myself.

No matter. I will speak with Yuvon as you previously suggested shortly. It will likely be a long conversation, so please do not expect letters for a while.

Sincerely,

Jake

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[nikkifilm]

Maynila Sa Mga Kuko ng Liwanag (1975) & Insiang (1976), dir. Lino Brocka

Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag had a small cast, yet it was effective enough to be able to portray what the director wanted to show the audience. For the most part of it, I find myself being drawn to the movie which is definitely a good thing, by the way, but in all honesty, I don't like how the turn of events follow throughout the film. I didn't like what was happening in the movie, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like the movie itself; there's a thin grey line there. I do get the point that the plot of the film isn't exactly rainbows and sunshines, but it was all so heavy to take in. Although yes, that is the point, and maybe it says about how harsh life can be when set foot to the city of Manila where you think it's where you'll become successful yet only a start of something that could change your life forever. I happen to always put myself in the characters' shoes in every film, whether it may be something I have experienced myself or not. It's a way for me to be able to comprehend and fully understand what the characters are going through and how they deal with it. I'd say one is a good movie when it makes me feel something. Since I was able to empathize with the characters in this movie despite the differences in the generation, experience, and status in life, I was still able to feel for them, and that I think is what makes it a good movie for me.

The same can be said on the other Lino Brocka film, Insiang. The characters in the film aren't a lot too, yet it effectively shown what its message is. I adore how the characters are all unique in their own way and have their respective personalities. They all have their own voice in the movie, regardless if their character is likeable or not. To some extent, you are able to see some gradual character developments in the film despite the setting being the same places over and over again. Especially with the main character, Insiang. You'd see how she's very passive and innocent-like. It's as if despite all the things that had happened to her, she still doesn't try to fight back. She attempts to get help from the people she trust but to no avail. I've been waiting that if not any of the people in the film can help her, maybe she'd help herself by finally fighting back and standing up for herself. What we did see though is her doing things unexpected of her, like how she starts to seduce and give in to Dado when she was harassed by him without being scared of what her mother nor her boyfriend would react about it. It then turn out to be Insiang using Dado as a way to get revenge on her boyfriend and her using her mother's anger towards Dado's betrayal in order to drive her to murder Dado as a way to get revenge on both him and her mother.

With regards to the style or visual of Maynila, the setting really do depict the contrast between rural and urban areas. The setting has this realistic vibe that builds up to the scenes and blends well with its entire plot. This adds up to the realistic approach the film wants to put. Also considering the time this was made, the cinematography is well put out. I'm quite impressed how they've managed to pull of some of the shots. With the era this has been made where there are little to no resources with regards to visual or special effects, the film has successfully achieved a visually pleasing masterpiece. The shots are done raw and all so naturally which is just right for the entirety of the film. In terms of the narrative, it's immensely focused on the character of Julio, how we can see his development that would later turn into his transformation into a violent person. I love this way or storytelling because you, as a viewer, would feel more connected to the film and get invested to the character that would have a greater impact. In this way, not only do you get emotionally invested, it makes you want to watch the film as you get hooked waiting for what would happen next. As I watched the film, I was able to see that and also feel empathy for the main character. It's something that rarely occurs to a film that you may not be familiar with or a big fan of or something that doesn't really sparks your interest, and that says a lot about how this film was able to go beyond what you are expecting and makes you root for the character and as well as the entire plot. 

For Insiang, however, the style and visual wise, it had shown the rawness of the lifestyle within a small town that is typical of the Philippine setting. The way they captured this goes the same with Maynila, and that's one of the little factors that makes you think that they are both made by a single director. It's pretty much similar to Maynila in a way that it depicts the way of life in a certain community and a certain household. You could also see some similarities with the actors and actresses in both films. What I was able to notice too is how the setting they utilize in the film are always fixed that you don't just see the places once or twice, it's pretty much shot within a particular area that is noticeable. There's nothing bad with that, though. It's in fact fascinating how they repeat the settings without it feeling dull and tiring. There's always something new or different within the setting that is constant throughout the film that enables you to observe how some of the characters progress or change and indicates how the story develops.

What I have observed from the film languages are how they have utilized the different angles in certain scenes that depict how a person is low down the slums or high above anyone else. It also indicates how something is important or when something is about to happen. There's nothing much to point out with regards to it, but the fact that they have used this as a means to tell something to audience is really prominent and I love how it speaks directly to the audience. You know when someone is connected or disconnected to a person. You also know when someone is trustworthy or sketchy. There have been a lot of this that plays around with the viewer's perspective. Nonetheless, it had been effective at delivering a message and telling a story behind it.

Applying the context of the Auteur Theory in both films from Lino Brocka, you'd see the similarities between the two in general. With Maynila, you see how it's a story about a man from province grew from innocent to violent because of anger and vengeance. Same goes to Insiang, you'd see how a simple girl from the slums of Manila grew from silent and passive to vengeful and passive-aggressive. Both of the main characters in the films have this common ground and goal. Same with how their character was developed into something they didn't use to be. What can be said from these similarities are how the director wants to send a message. Perhaps it had something to do with the repression. It can be seen in Maynila that the one who held Julio's girlfriend, Ligaya captive in the urban city is actually a Chinese. That subtly indicated that at that period there have been already a quarrel between the Philippines and China. As for Insiang, it is seen how the people she's close to or hold on to for help don't actually care for her and are not sincere. They all have their selfish minds and cruelty on Insiang which is why she turned on them. Perhaps it also tells something about repression, maybe something about how we have been colonized only to be used and abused. 

The two films, besides having major similarities, have an identity that makes you think that it is a Lino Brocka film. By watching them, there's that unspoken truth that lies between the films that it is something made by this particular director. It reflects how he has these ideals and perspective in the Philippine context. Perhaps it's also safe to assume that he is driven or motivated to direct said films because of an underlying issue or problem that the country is facing.

Maynila tackled the social issue with regards to the twisted side of Manila, and how people from provinces are blinded by it. It shows their naivety, how they think highly of those who reside in Maynila. Although to some extent, I find it becoming extremely cliché, it's still the reality we have that's still happening up to this date; it probably have gotten worse throughout the ages. However, they don't only show the bad side of Maynila. They have also shown that despite the wrong people they've trusted and encountered along the way, there will always be people who are genuinely kind and concerned. It's a balance of the good and the bad side of Maynila, although the bad side of it is dominant; and as someone who grew up in Metro Manila, I do agree with it to a certain point. There are also scenes that show the side of the LGBT Community back in this era, that they are more objectified and stereotyped that aren't a good reflection of how they identify with compared to this day. They are seen more of a threat to the society and are only seen as people who are obsessed with men and sex, who would also do everything to make money out of prostitution and in exchange, pursue them.

On the other hand, Insiang had tackled more on the abusive side of Manila or the country in general, especially during those times. How particular women are always objectified and abused. These can be observed with the first few parts of the film, how the women in the film are abused or harassed and there is little to none justice to it besides personal vengeance from family members or friends. It's as if it's a norm and not considered as a crime or a sort of abuse compared to how sensitive a topic it is to this date. Rape culture in the country have also been tackled in this film, and it is alarming how back then, there weren't much protection for women and how lacking the generation was with its awareness towards rape. It also signifies how victims aren't heard but are often judged, and when it comes to asking for help, there are little to none that you can reach out to or would actually offer to help you with it. That being said, it had also talked about the toxic masculinity especially back then where men were in power compared to women and that they "own" the women they "love". Another is how in every conflict, it must be resolved through violence where in not only it is toxic but also unnecessary as not everything has to end up with that. It had also tackled the judgmental society, how every action that you make, regardless of what intentions you have or if it really is a fact, people will always talk about you the way they choose and want to see it. People create their own truth, and although this film didn't entirely focus on that, the fact that it is there speaks about the society we have back then and up to this date. Lastly, it also tackled about the toxicity within family members, that despite their abusive traits, you must stay with them because they are "blood". This is shown through Insiang's mother, how she talks down to Insiang and see her more as a maid than her daughter, ordering her around every time.

Maynila had a lot of scenes I personally didn't like, but doesn't necessarily affect the quality of the film. One of the things that I only find unnecessary in the movie were certain events like two of Julio's friends dying throughout the film, Perla's home burnt down, Julio being robbed by a cop, him encountering gay prostitutes, and so on. I find them completely absurd and irrelevant to the main plot of the film which mainly revolved (or at least what it implied) within Julio's job and the whereabouts of his significant other, Ligaya. I kept having questions as to what happened and how it led there, but these events are constantly happening in between the film which to some extent infuriates me until I get tired or bored of it. It made me grew frustrated, probably because they kept teasing like how they showed that one Chinese place Julio thinks Ligaya is in yet gets no leads or progress from it besides when he sees the lady that brought Ligaya in Maynila. Maybe it would've been much better if they put out some of those unnecessary scenes that I might as well call “fillers”. But I do get it though, it adds up to what I was talking about when they were trying to also show the bad side of Maynila. I also didn't like how they portrayed the LGBT Community but I do understand that it's different back then compared to today. But there is certainly no denying that I didn't like how that turned out to be.

Same with Insiang, there are also a number of scenes that I didn't like, and those are the aforementioned social issues that have been tackled in the film. One of those that I have mentioned that I particularly didn't like was the way they have shown how badly treated Insiang was, particularly women. I didn't like how the other women Insiang trusted turned back on her, especially her mother. Women are supposed to help each other against the repression against abusive men, but that wasn't shown in this. Although what substituted to that was how they shown Insiang develop into a vengeful woman and indirectly ruined their lives which is what I liked about it. It was powerful, they way she took revenge on the people who have hurt her. You would expect that she'd turn on them typically by forming an alliance or taking them down violently or anything that anyone would expect to happen. This one took a different perspective on vengeance, how she was able to take down the people who had hurt her without getting in trouble nor getting her hands dirty. It was something logical and psychological, and that's something I didn't expect from a film that's dated a few decades ago.

I find Maynila great despite of how a lot of things change in our society, views, and culture. Simply by looking at how things were way cheaper back then compared to now is already a big factor of change, which is why it's somehow challenging to be able to review a film from a different generation objectively especially since there had been drastic changes in the field of cinema as well. Nonetheless, it's fascinating how the movie can still speak to you and how there are things that haven't changed — like how some issues tackled in the film can still be seen nowadays, and it's alarming. It serves as an eye-opener to each and everyone of us, no matter where you came from. Whether you were born in Metro Manila, raised in the province, or vice versa, you will be able to feel for this film. It's how great its impact is, especially to the Filipino.

As for Insiang, it wasn't something I was expecting from the beginning to the end. It's very unpredictable and at the same time a great film. It's way ahead of its time, and it's also something that speaks to the audience, especially with the underlying messages and social issues that it has. Regardless of what period you are in, it's safe to assume that the issues that it tackles will always be relevant in the society you live in. It makes you think how these things are already occurring back then yet is still happening today. Although it's alarming, this film had managed to be able to send that message off to its viewers and that alone is something commendable for a film and a director. You'd see how Lino Brocka really has that deep kind if mindset towards these things and it does help you too, as an audience to become more wary of the society and the issues we are facing, regardless if you are directly affected by it or not.

There's nothing much recommend really, but I wished there were parts that they changed or didn't do, especially when it has little to nothing to do with the plot or storyline. But the main reason too as to why there's nothing much to recommend is because of how these films are made during its time, where all the values, ideals, culture, and mindset were different comapred to how it's shaped to this date. All in all, both films directed by Lino Brocka are something that each one of us need to watch. It may not be suitable for everyone, yes, but you know that the message behind every film he makes have something to tell you that a certain problem in the country is happening at this point and we have to do something about it. It's a food for thought that films like these are a medium used to communicate to people and spread awareness on the coexisting problems we face or people face on a daily basis. In conclusion, not only does Lino Brocka have a mindset that's beyond his time, he also sees to it that the films are something that will speak to the general audience despite the differences in perspective and experience.