#been gated off

[sally-mun]

Since I've been settling back into Tumblr I keep thinking about the fact that this is where I did most of my writing. About all kinds of things.

I haven't really written anything in a couple of years. It started as a bit of burnout but got exponentially worse due to a very bad thing that happened. My therapist has been trying to help me find that piece of myself again. It's been lost for a really long time, and is probably a big part of why I have so much trouble being 'me' anymore, or even knowing what 'me' is. It's really difficult to like 'me' now. On the off-chance I actually do, I feel guilty for having done so, because I still haven't quite shaken the instinct that shouldn't like 'me.' I should be ashamed of 'me.' Maybe that's a big part of why my writing disappeared. I always really liked that about me. Writing would threaten my the paradigm where I can't and shouldn't like myself.

But I mean... I do really miss it.

I hope it comes back.

Maybe being here again will help with that.

[lazylittledragon]

i always give my fantasy worlds some kind of magic camera for my own self indulgence and now i'm feeling things

i need everyone to politely ignore the vampire mirror/photograph thing for 5 minutes just for me. please

[bittersweet-mojo]

nice cup of tea. non horny tea. yup.

[jeeaark]

Game-logic points to a lot of ways this would not have ended well. Thank gods the game is over and I like nice endings, so let's call this the Self-Indulgent Patch 0 Ending. It's got everything but hugs: Squid Beef, Bathrobes, Existential Eating Crisis, A Certain Illithid Finally Giving the Power of Friendship A Chance.

Maybe Game Squid wouldn't understand, but I like to think Silly Squid Buddy would understand.

It also took an embarrassing amount of time to figure out what Emps' get-out-of-bed outfit would be because I will never draw that overly-complicated armor ever again. Decided on bathrobes because cozy and BG3 One-Shot told me they exist and Gale can get Greygold 20.

Also I kept the egg for the dumbest of reasons. Jumped through some crazy logic hoops thinking Omeluum and Blurg would be involved in raising that egg and wanted to hand it to them personally at Baldur's Gate because I didn't like Esther's vibes and the other two seem like they had 'good dad' vibes. ALAS. Turns out their co-worker wanted to be mean to the egg so. Truly Greygold had always planned to make sure that dude never got his hands on another Githyanki Egg after their tadpole adventures, squidgold or not. Convenient that Greygold gets a free meal out of it. UNFORTUNATE TO LEARN 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT' IS A MINDFLAYER THING.

[deathflare]

my brain is so melted

[rocketbirdie]

WHEN THE BASSOON PART FINALLY KICKS IN AT 195 MEASURES

[raycatz]

Some dungeon predictions (and things I'd just like to see xD ) for the upcoming arc!

(inspired by boards I've seen in the past. like this! Art from @/linkeduniverse!)

I love Zelda dungeons and LU dungeon crawling fics are some of my favorites! I'm so excited to see what puzzles Jojo's come up with! Nine person puzzles? Let's goOOO!!! There's so many possible interesting things to do with the chain's items and abilities.

[anders-hawke]

BALDUR’S GATE 3 CHALLENGE 1/3 Camp Locations: Wilderness

[a2zillustration]

I carried this thing for MONTHS with the EXPRESS PURPOSE of putting Raphael in it (knowing full well Larian wouldn't let me do that, mechanically) and I had one major miscalculation.

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[greyhavensking]

season 1 episode 8 flint you will always be famous

+ bonus john “little shit” silver destroying lives and winning hearts

“had to be done”

[valentjin]

if you've ever wanted a giant transparent png of the Ascended Fiend floor decoration in the House of Hope for some reason, well, have i got the post for you

[tenderpreyy]

​I’m thinking again about Astarions sexuality and how I've seen some people (to be fair, just a few) talk about it. Mainly, people pointing out his flamboyant behavior, and that us as players are learning more about his past male lovers than female ones and basically all these things for some people pointing to him being gay or at least not interested in women in the same way he is in men. And him only being a romance option regardless of gender, because, well, all companions are and he is therefore just "playersexual", only showing interest in female player characters because he has to, because of the game mechanics.

I think what really rubs me the wrong way about this topic is that it echoes the kind of things bi/pan people (speaking as a bisexual woman myself) find themselves dealing with irl. Whether through some form of internalized biphobia or from the outside through other people's comments. Of course this is about a fictional character so it’s not like he has any feelings that could be hurt. But when i see people tallying up how often he mentions men vs. how often he mentions women it really reminds me of a way of thinking I sometimes fall into in regards to my own sexuality. This is definitely just an internalized response and not something I actually believe when I truly think about it for a second, but I know these patterns of thought very well. Of observing my own behavior. How often do I find which gender attractive? Am I attracted "enough" to women? Do I talk about men's attractiveness too often? Is it the other way around? Am I only saying this woman is attractive to prove something to myself? I literally have a girlfriend and my attitude towards mine or other's sexual orientation is generally a huge big "whatever, I don't care". And I still have a passing thought like that from time to time.

So seeing people talk about a fictional character in this way really sends home how many people (whether consciously or unconsciously) see attraction as some sort of equation, you can solve, where in the end you get a result of either gay or straight.

[fanghaunt]

I can't believe it's 2008 already! Feels like 1998 was just a few years ago. Happy new year!

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Ever since I returned, there's been a filth in me. I feel it in my very lungs. I cannot get it out - it will never out, this death that reeks within me. There are some things even the Moonmaiden cannot heal. There are some things she would never accept in her devoted. I should never have come back

Isobel's VA Mia Foo appeared as a guest on the Jen & Aliona BG3 stream here (YouTube VOD here) and, among other things, did a little dramatic reading of the diary you can find in Isobel's room in Last Light Inn. So of course I'm clipping it and adding it to my Isobel voice lines collection. This is as clean as I could get it considering it's being recited into a PS5 controller mic while the game goes on in the background, but honestly I feel the music and sound effects add a nice atmosphere.

[sophiasharp]

Not me JUST realizing part of why Astarion is Like That™️ is because he’s spent the last 200 years trying to keep his true thoughts to himself and this stint with the tadpole is the first time since he was turned that he’s been allowed to have no filter and not get automatically punished for it. Like, dude doesn’t know how and doesn’t care to learn how to do anything in halves, it’s either you get the “By The Script” Astarion that’s just saying what he thinks will be the most likely to let him survive or you get the “I Have A Mouth And I’m About To Make Up For Centuries Of Keeping My Dialogue Internal” Astarion. And I think that’s beautiful.

[invinciblerodent]

I love Gale's "With you, I forget my goddess" as much as the next person, but my favorite line in this whole scene is the one that breaks my heart into one million tiny little pieces, and that's "You would really prefer me as I am?"

The disbelief in his voice. That pained desperation to make you understand what he's trying to say. He can't believe that you'd really prefer him, the him that he is, with his... mortality, moral failings, jealousy, occasional arrogance, all his limitations and flaws? And you would. You DO. You'll say it as many times as it takes.

And yet, despite being explicitly told that you think him perfectly deserving of you and all that your relationship is, that he is enough and that you love the man he is rather than the power he commands, Gale... really just can't seem to believe it. Throughout the entire romance (so far, I honestly don't know), he' really can't seem to believe his luck. He's just so hung up on this feeling of being undeserving of happiness, of forgiveness, acceptance, and of love.

JUST LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!!!

LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!!

That fondness! Devotion! Doubt! Anxiety and relief all in one! He's been knocked speechless, he looks like he's exactly one second from crying, and all he's been told is literally just that you don't need him to be a god, he can just be himself, because you, his lover (of several weeks, maybe even months at this point) already loves him! As he has been told already!!!!!!

God, I can't get over just how much this man cares about this... weird, arbitrary notion he has in his pretty skull that a person is capable of being somehow more, or less deserving of being loved, rather than simply having inherent value.

Or, actually, I just can't get over this man, period.

I may not be entirely sober tonight, but I'm feeling all of the feelings about this goddamn handsome bunch of emotional issues pixels.