#being pretty apart made my experiences less memorable :'O like i love how when i go thru it again or randomly remember

[astrxealis]

i find it really interesting and a bit sentimental to see people going through msq for the first time bcs wow it's been a while since i've been there!!!

but also . KEEHKD it is also Intriguing to see people take really long with doing msq ... bcs yeah i took a bit longer with. arr-hw but MAN stb. finished in around less than 10 days and same with shb! though shb patches i was a bit lazy with >_< i finished enw in around less than 10 days too ..... aagghh help

[atinydise]

Ateez meeting their s/o for the first time in vacations but they’re already dating an idol (2/2)

❦ Genre: Fluff.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 3k3.

❦ Requested: Yes, thank you! 🦋

❦ Masterlist.

❦ Warning: ⚠️ All the names here are fictives and are not related to an idol or a public figure.

Part 1

SAN

San was so excited, there was so many things on his ‘To-Do-List’. They were on a break for 3 weeks. A rest well deserved. They planned a nice trip where they could rest, play and enjoy their time without a staff member around to tell what they need to do or not. That’s the main reason of why San was happy, he could do everything he wants to do. “Let’s go at the aquarium!” he shouted, grabbing Wooyoung’s arm. “Why are you so excited?” asked Seonghwa. “It’s not like you’re going to swim with shark again!” laughed Yunho. San got chills; this memory would be a memorable experience but a terrifying one also.

“I know but there’s a mermaid performance in 12 minutes!” Yeosang sighed, “you are unbelievable San….” “Let’s go please please please!” he begged. “Okay okay,” said Hongjoong on the right way, followed by the other members. “Hurry up!” shouted San. “I will give him as a dinner for the sharks,” whispered Seonghwa. When they got in the aquarium, San was running everywhere to see every fish one by one. “You are walking too fast!” complained Wooyoung, still pulled by San. “You should relax a bit San, or you will get a syncope!” laughed Mingi. The member rolled his eyes. He was okay but they weren’t following his excitation that’s all. He calmed down and continued to admire all these pretty fishes. That’s how he spotted you. You had the same smile on your face. Being amazed by the atmosphere here. You crouched down to see a little medusa. San found you cuter than anyone else here. He loved to see how your smile went wide when a fish came near you. He couldn’t resist but to come next to you. “It’s cute huh?” he smiled, pointing at the medusa. “Yes! She’s flawless and so intimidating at the same time.” “But we all know that she is dangerous!” “You just need to pee on the wound,” you laughed. San cringed at how disgusting it was. “I’m kidding!” you said. He giggled, “I’m San! Nice to meet you!” You bowed politely, “I’m Y/N!” He stayed with you 5 more minutes to talk about the crab hid in the corner, between seashells. But Wooyoung came and interrupted his speech. “San, your mermaid show is starting in 5 minutes.” “Oh! I almost forgot.” Wooyoung stared at you, trying to know if you were a good girl or someone trying to take advantage of his friend’s kindness. “Oh sorry,” he said, feeling the awkwardness. ”Wooyoung here’s Y/N! Y/N here’s my best friend Wooyoung!” The boy nodded while you couldn’t manage to say anything, too intimidated. “Do you want to come with us?” asked San. “Huh… I don’t want to bother-“ “No! It’s going to be funny!” “O-Okay.” “Let’s go!” shouted San. Surprisingly, he grabbed your arm and not Wooyoung’s one. It was unusual. “Wow, he ditched you for a girl…” teased Yeosang. “It’s not a big deal. He will probably come back to Woo soon!” said Mingi. It’s been 2 hours that they were at the aquarium and San hadn’t talked to Wooyoung or any of them. All of his attention was on you. All the members were amazed by how he was clingy with you. That was unexpected. You were sitting at the same table of the group, waiting for your ice cream. San insisted to pay for yours, because he spent a good afternoon with you. He was so nice. “San looks to like you a lot,” said Mingi, smiling next to you. “Oh really?” you blushed, “it’s just because we like aquarium.” “No, he’s not even so clingy with his girlfriend.” Confessed the loudest member. “His girlfriend?” you repeated. Wooyoung gulped, he made a big mistake. “He told me that he was single,” you looked at his friend. San came back at this moment, holding your ice cream with a big smile, “here’s your desert Y/N!” You stood up, “why you told me that you were single? Wooyoung said that you have a girlfriend.” “W-what?” he faced his friend. “I wouldn’t spend the afternoon with you if you’ve told me. I wouldn’t appreciate to see that my boyfriend spent time with another girl.” You said, grabbing your bag. San blocked the way. “We are not even in love. I can’t even considerer her like my girlfriend,” he admitted. “Whatever is your excuse; It was a bad idea to do it.” “Y/N! Does it change something if I tell you that you are actually more important than her?” he asked, shyly. “Not really, you shouldn’t lie about your relationship.” “Maybe that’s too early for that but if I broke up with her maybe we could continue to know each other a bit more?” He hadn’t left your stare. All the boys were “wooing” at the scene in front of them, like little kids. ‘Then maybe… but be sure of that. I don’t want you to regret it 2 days later.” “I’m already sure about it! Sihyeon is more a friend than a girlfriend. Her schedule is full, more than mine and she doesn’t have this craziness… that you have.” He said shyly. You smiled and sat down, hoping that everything would be okay. In front of you, Wooyoung was smiling. Now he was sure that you would treat San well if something happens between his friend and you.

MINGI

Since he was an idol, Mingi was treated well by everyone. Nobody would bully or scold him for a mistake: expected his manager and CEO. But sometime, he missed when people were honest and tell everything they wanted without being scared. Even his own girlfriend was like that. She was always behind him, accepting everything. She hadn’t that strong personality he needed. When the CEO offered them to go in vacations he couldn’t decline. He was the first one ready to leave. “Mingi is usually sleeping till we leave, that’s incredible! Pinch me!” said Seonghwa. “I really need vacations!” he rolled his eyes. “Does Jiyu influenced on your need?” said Yunho. “Kinda,” he replied. “Just broke up with her before it’s too late.” “I did.” They both stared at him. “Wait, when?” “Yesterday.” “What did she say?” Asked Yunho curiously. “I don’t know,” simply replied Mingi. They looked at him weirdly, trying to know a lot more about this story. “I wrote her a letter that I left at her apartment.” A big silence settled in the room. “A letter?” repeated the eldest member. “Yes, a letter. I couldn’t confront her, or she would give me a thousand of excuses. Like what she needs to take care of me or something else…” “She actually cares about you Mingi. You should have told her face to face.” Said Yunho, disappointed by his friend’s behavior. “Okay okay! I will talk to her after our vacations!” “Nice,” said Seonghwa. Mingi growled but immediately thought of his healing time. The next day, they landed in Jeju. The atmosphere was already different of the main city. Mingi couldn’t wait to relax. He was so excited that he accidentally bumped into you. Without looking at you, he apologized like he couldn’t care less. But for you it wasn’t right. So, you just poked his shoulder to let him know of your presence. “Hi?” he said, annoyed. “You could at least apologize properly.” You said, hands on your hips. “He raised a brow,” I apologized.” “You just bowed and ignored me. You could at least ask if I’m okay!” You scoffed. “You look okay.” His behavior was getting on your nerves. “Apologize again and this time look at me.” “Are you crazy?” “Are you a king? Just apologize correctly.” Mingi stared at you curiously. You were the first one confronting him since he debuted. “Do you know who I am?” he asked. “No and I don’t care. Can you apologize so I can go back to my room?” He scoffed, “and if I don’t? you are going to stay here?” “Yes, and you too sweetie,” you sighed. He liked your temper a lot. “Then we are going to stay here!” he said, sitting on the couch behind you. He sent a text at Yunho, saying that he will join them later. “Are you really going to waste your time here?” you asked. “Yes. Why? Are you doubting?” His arrogant personality was pissing you off. “I will stay here then…” you sat next to him. A big silence settled between both of you. “Let’s make this moment a bit more chill. What’s your name?” he asked gently. “It’s ‘Just Apologize so I Can Go Back To My Room’.” “Nice to meet you ‘Just Apologize So I Can Go Back To My Room”’, I’m Mingi.” You puffed, “So, Mingi. What are you waiting to say ‘sorry’? It’s not hard.” He smiled, “to be honest, you are the only person who confronted me since a long time. So, you got all of my attention.” “Are you a prince or something?” you faced him. “No, I’m just an idol and people don’t tell what they think about me.” “Then if it can help you... You are an asshole. You should be nicer and more careful.” You said nicely. “Thank you. It means a lot,” he laughed. “You should ask your girlfriend to be honest with you.” You pointed at his lock screen. “She will be my ex-girlfriend soon, “ he rectified. “Really? Sorry I didn’t mean too-“ you freaked out. “It’s fine, we were not in good terms since a long time.” “Shit happens,” you said, rolling your eyes. “And you?” “I don’t have a boyfriend,” you replied, shyly. “Then maybe I can get your number?” “Wow Mingi, you are not playing anymore,” you laughed, trying to hide your blush; “Usually, I’m pretty shy but I guess that you have this effect on me,” he scratched his head, embarrassed. “Yes, I know… they all said that,” you joked. He scoffed, “Sure. Then can I get your number?” “Sure, but text me when you are single. I don’t want a problem with your crazy ex-girlfriend.” You composed your number in his phone. “Deal,” he smiled. He was about to leave but you grabbed his arm. “Where are you going? You didn’t apologize.” “Are you serious?” he asked. “I’m waiting Mingi.” You glanced at the clock. “Gosh… women are crazy.”

WOOYOUNG

The whole group were enjoying their vacation near the beach. They booked a bungalow; leaving the hotel service this time. Even if they were struggling sometimes, that was probably their best trip. Wooyoung proposed the idea. He knew the members would be down for it or he could force them if they declined. They all got on the beach, today, running everywhere like little kids. Hongjoong and Jongho were setting the parasol and the lounge chair. Seonghwa and Yeosang were buying some snacks and drinks for the day. Yunho and Mingi were already on the water, trying to drown each other. And finally, San and Wooyoung were taking a bunch of selfies for Atinys. “This is one is good!” said San. “You are good, I’m looking like a humpa lumpa.” “That’s how you look every day,” said Yeosang, walking next to his friend. Wooyoung gave him a dead stare, while San was laughing out loud. “I need new friends, “he whispered. They joined their hyungs near the lounge chair. “What about take a group selfie and post it for Atinys?” he offered. “Yes, then call these 2 idiots playing the ‘Little Mermaid’ over there.” Wooyoung called but them they couldn’t hear him, too far. “I will get them.” As he was about to reach Mingi and Yunho, when you called him shyly. “Hi…” you bowed politely. ‘Huh? Hi.” “Me and my friend over there are playing volleyball, but there’s one player missing.” He stared at you, wanting to know what you needed. “Can you play with me?” you asked, embarrassed, not daring to look at him. “Oh.” He wanted to decline but his man side came out, you were stunning, and he doesn’t want to disappoint you. His throat went dry and his hand moist, but he managed to say, “yes” even if his voice cracked. “Really? Thank you!” You pulled him by the hand and joined your friends. “Guys! I found someone to play with!” “Hi. I’m Wooyoung.” He introduced shyly. They all greeted him. “So, you are going to be with me and Jeongin!” You explained. “Okay! Let’s go!” He shouted. You giggled; you liked his energy. The game went well. Everyone was having fun and your team was winning. Sometimes, you bumped at Wooyoung accidentally, he always made sure that you were okay. “Let’s stop guys! I’m tired!” Said Jeongin sitting on the sand, exhausted. “Right, we are playing since a long time, “ you giggled. You turned back to Wooyoung. “Thank you so much,” you smiled. “It’s okay. That was funny.” “Let me buy you a drink to show my gratitude.” You laughed. “A good coke will be appreciated.” He followed you at the vending machine. “Normal? Cherry? Or light?” you asked. “Cherry.” “Wow, this man has taste,” you teased him. You held his drink, making sure it was the good one. “Thank you.” “Do you want to sit here a bit?” you offered. “Sure.” You pulled 2 chairs for each of you. “So… what are you doing in life Wooyoung?” “I’m an idol,” he sipped his drink. “Wow. I’m talking to a super star right now!” you acted like a fangirl. He cringed, “I see the real you.” You laughed, “I’m not this type of girl.” “That’s what they said at first, “he winked. “Gross,” you pinched him. “I know it’s unexpected and that I shouldn’t ask that but… would you go on a date with me?” You were clearly surprised. You were stuttering words that none of you could understand. “Sure,” you finally replied. “Cool! Let me give you my phone number and text me later.” “I’m from old school. I would prefer to send you a letter,” you said shyly. “For real?” he asked, surprised. “Of course not,” you laughed, holding your phone so he could give his number. “Don’t forget to text me okay!” he insisted. You were about to reply but Yeosang came and cut you off, “Woo, your girlfriend is calling you for 20 minutes already. Do something before I broke your phone.” You stared at Wooyoung angrily, feeling betrayed and stupid. “Y/N…” You just stood up and left, disgusted. “Well done Yeosang…” sighed the idol. He tried to find you at the beach, but you were nowhere to be found. So, he just gave up. His vacations hadn’t ended well, he was mad and sad. But when he came back to Seoul, he received a text. [“Hi… it’s Y/N. Sadly I can’t get you out of my mind, so I hope you have a good excuse…”] He smiled and explained you the truth about his girlfriend, Eunha. She is an idol too, but she clearly obsessed by her music and every idol who were increasing into the charts. He fell in her trap because she was nice with him. But she was just manipulating and took advantage of his popularity. [“So… I broke up with her when I came back to Seoul.”] [“Then I guess that we can plan our date?”] you texted. [“Tomorrow? At Incheon cafe? 3pm?”] [“See you there weirdo.”] you replied. He was so happy that he could sing and dance all night long.

JONGHO

ATEEZ members were having fun at their hotel, they stayed at for 1 week. During this short period, they could do whatever they want. Jongho jut followed the group for the activities. Honestly, he couldn’t enjoy his vacation because of his girlfriend Ahin. She was nonstop making him feel like a baby. She was 2 years older than him and it wasn’t a big deal at first because it didn’t change anything on the relationship. But since few months, she was dissing him about his age, and he felt ridiculous to be treated like a baby or a brother. He felt uncomfortable to go out with her. She would pat his back when he would finish his meal, In front of the members or his friends. Being the maknae was already a though thing but Akin’s behavior on him was too much. He felt his phone buzzing on his pocket, probably her. He ignored her call and sighed. Seonghwa smirked, “let me guess…Ahin?” “Yes…” replied the maknae. “She shouldn’t be promoting or practicing?” “Probably, but honestly I don’t care,” said Jongho. “You should break up with her. She treats you, like a baby.” “I know that Hyung…” sighed Jongho. “Anyway, let’s get some fun.” They joined the other members at the casino. They heard Mingi yelling because he won 10 dollars. “This boy will never change,” said Jongho. While they were trying a bunch of games, San and Hongjoong spotted an arm-wrestling contest. “Yo! Jongho! You should try!” said San happily. “Hum… I don’t know, it’s been a while since I participated at this!” he hesitated. “Come on, it’s just for fun,” said Wooyoung, drinking his cocktail. Finally, Jongho lined up behind the guy who were actually winning. 2 minutes later, it was finally his turn. All the boys were cheering him, to boost him. “So young boy, your opponent is going to be…” “Me!” you shouted, your small figure getting out of the crowd. Jongho raised a brow, he never played against a girl. You sat in front of him, removing your ring. “Are you ready lady?” you giggled. He smirked, it’s not because you are a girl that I will be gentler.” “Same for me…” you stuck your tongue out. You wrapped your hand around Jongho’s one. “Okay… 3, 2, 1. Go!” At first, Jongho was shock by your strength, he knows that he would win but it was a good match. He noticed the way you were struggling. He found it cute, the way the little vein in your neck popped up, made you sexier. “Jongho! Just beat her!” Said Yeosang. “You know that you can beat me. So, what are you waiting for?” you asked cockily. “It’s funny to see you struggling.” “Are you a psychopath or something?” you asked. “If I was, I would be in a cave with other people right now.” “Okay that is creepy,” you giggled. Hongjoong coughed next to Jongho, “can you finish this and flirt later?” Both of you smiled. Jongho said, “okay sorry young girl.” He instantly pulled your arm on the table. You massaged your wrist while all his teammates were shouting at him. You stood up, “well done lady.” You were about to leave when Jongho grabbed your arm. “What do you want?” “I’m feeling bad to let you lose like that.” He said. “It’s okay, it’s a game.” “Let me pay you a drink at least.” “You shouldn’t offer me that since you have a girlfriend,” you smirked, crossing your arm in your chest. “H-‘ he began. “How I know? Your name was almost everywhere on the Internet, when you announced your relationship.” “How do you know me?” You scoffed, “you are an idol. I have to admit that you are good looking so it’s easy to remember.” You pointed Yeosang, “plus… your friend called you “Jongho”. “You are smart,” he smiled. “And you are taken.” You replied. “I’m actually trying to break up with my girlfriend, who is nonstop babying me whatever I do.” He explained. You grabbed his hand and took the pen on the counter next to you… “Here’s my number, “you wrote on his hands. “Call me when you are single or that you need an opponent for an arm-wrestling contest,” you winked. You were gone before he could manage to realize what happened. 2 week later, you just when back from work. Just when you sat, your phone rang next to you. [“Yes?”] you said coldly. [“Hi, it’s Jongho.”] You smirked happy to see that he hadn’t forgot you. [“So... are you calling me for the arm-wrestling?”] you asked cockily. [“Yes, I know that you want your revenge, but what about go on a date after?”] You smiled, [“How can I refuse this good proposition?”]

Part 1

[deviant3lover]

OOOOOOOO! You writing for other charaters now? Cuz, here are some bois I'd like to see your take on! Pick and choose who you'd please: Zombieman, Child Emperor, Tatsumkai, Sonic, Flashy Flash, Mumen Rider, King and, (one I'd really like to see) Sweet Mask. Thanks, and happy early birthday!

Thank you~! And lmao, my birthday was like, a month ago now;; I swear my attention span is hella weak- I see a shiny thing and I 

Z I P 

Outta my work and go over to look at it for the next 3 days.

And anon… dear anon…

I will do ALL OF THEM.

MUMEN RIDER:

If I’m being honest? I honestly hated him when he was first introduced.

He cycled as fast as he could to confront the Paradisers, had a moment where he parked his bike, (a bit awkward, but I faintly enjoyed the sight) pulled off a show of confidence that implied that he knew the gravity of the situation and has a way of dealing with it effectively (the common subversive tactic: weak looking character has tremendous strength) and then got DECKED ON with one hit, showing that it was just shallow hot air he couldn’t back up.

And then he got credit for the work that Saitama did. (Albeit unintentionally.)

Not… the greatest first impression. I thought he was an overconfident guy who was playing hero, uncomprehending of the danger that he puts himself in for the sake of living in an idealised fantasy that since he’s the protagonist, since he’s the one with determination and a heart of gold, it’ll all work out. Him cycling towards the Sea King at full throttle, with him apparently not taking the hint from the Paradisers, drove that belief home to me even more.

(Wow, I sound like Garou here. :o…)

And then he launched into his spiel.

How he felt like he wasn’t good enough to take the promotion, how he knows, better than anyone, that he’s weak. That yes, he might not win- might even get killed for his fruitless efforts for it, but what matters is that he tries. Not because he feels like he can pull it off eventually, or that the monsters will submit to how ~brave~ he is, but because it’s just important to try in the face of overwhelming odds, if it means that others have a slightly better chance of surviving because of it. Willing to die just so others won’t, even when you’re dismissed as a weakling both in the present and after death.

And that made me doubt about what I thought of him.

It wasn’t until I saw him trying to convince TTM to leave Garou alone, trying to intervene when Garou attacked him, and getting his face smashed repeatedly into the concrete sidewalk for his efforts by the same man he tried to defend, that I was utterly convinced that Mumen was genuinely heroic.

This may be a little dark, but I have a feeling that Mumen’s sense of justice doesn’t entirely stem from his selfless nature, but also from feelings of worthlessness. That he goes above and beyond to be a hardworking hero because he feels he has no worth if he dares do otherwise. The Christmas extra chapter in the manga sort of sparked this belief for me. If Mumen’s sense of justice was purely selfless, he’d mention other options (e.g. Friends inviting him out, new bistro downtown, setting up a mini Christmas tree and treating himself to a nice present) and maybe consider injecting some time for himself for them, if not on Christmas day, then the day before or after. Instead, he says with a smile, that he’ll be patrolling the streets for danger with no allusion to his personal life. And that lingering suspicion still sticks to me to this day.

CHILD EMPEROR:

First impression? I didn’t think too much of him, because I didn’t have much reason to. Very little screen time in the early manga/anime didn’t get me to form much of an attachment or investment in his character.

But later on? I like him! A kid prodigy, but it’s made clear time and time again that he still has room to improve, and I’ve always been a big fan of personal growth and developing self-reflection/awareness in stories. The fact that he wasn’t a stuck-up brat who thought he knew everything, and (taking into account that he’s literally 10 years old) still had a great deal of growth ahead of him in terms of the technological and the personal…

Yeah. I’m definitely holding out my hope for seeing a side story dedicated to him.

If I had the luck to choose the idea for the plot, I would love to see what sparked his love for technology, his mishaps and successes and so-so’s when it came to developing his skills and his gadgets. I want to be able to see the people around him reacting with awe and confusion over this kid hurriedly drawing up complex diagrams on a chalkboard board for different ideas before they leave his mind, which gadgets he’s put the most work in, the most time on, and is proud of, and finally; if he had a snobby phase and is ashamed of it. Bonus points if he took a break from his work to read up on how to be more like a mature adult so that older people will take him more seriously outside of being an inventor.

SONIC:

I, uh… honestly don’t think too much of him? He never really stuck with me.

Conversely… I do, however, like the few times we get the spotlight shined on him. He’s a badass to watch, and I laughed and cringed when the infamous ‘accidental punch’ scene came up on my screen. Considering the fact that I watched the anime first before the manga, I wasn’t anticipating it at all.

Which makes me glad in this case! The animated scene feels way more impactful and memorable than the manga version. I felt the build up and the rapidly increasing dread rise in me as I saw Saitama’s fist slowly punch Sonic’s unmentionables. Animating the- ahem- impact of his punch done me in and seared that scene into my mind.

Hmm… I feel like Sonic’s a more rebellious version of Flash, whilst also having been influenced by him. The both of them enjoy taking care of themselves in more luxurious ways, with their glossy hair and refusal to be filthy or rough in any way (e.g. Flash taking good care of his hair in the shower, Sonic opting to cook the monster cells and serve them tastefully before eating them) but I feel like Sonic likes rebelling more outwardly towards how he’s been trained and conditioned as a ninja compared to Flash. He just gives off that vibe~

Expanding on that, I feel like he’s more self-reflective and subtle in his thoughts. Flash is sort of absorbed in his own business and narrow range of experiences (not that I’m blaming him: he’s a busy man) while Sonic is more rooted to reality, and is a little more mellowed out to show for it. In the audio CDs, he gains a new understanding of what Saitama is forced to go through and respects him more as a person than just a milestone to beat, and he overcomes his trauma of Saitama ‘punching him’ by accepting what happened and simply keeping the possibility of it happening again in mind; not to torture himself or blame himself for being ‘weak,’ but to acknowledge what he’s fearful of and accepting it, allowing him to move on.

FLASHY FLASH:

I was gunning hard for him to be a cold-blooded woman assassin who wants to look elegant and deadly at the same time. Femme fatale, minus the seduction.

I was a little disappointed when he turned out to be a guy, and more so when he riled up Metal Bat with his insults while telling them to cut it out (counter intuitive, but it wouldn’t have been so bad if I wanted to see that. But I didn’t want to see it so lmao-) so, apart from his cool character design, I was a little turned off in my investment in him.

I was hoping that they kept the name ‘Lightspeed Flash’ instead of Flashy Flash. Yes, I know that they’re pretty much the same in terms of meaning, but the former just sounds more dignified. Considering he’s a man who takes himself seriously in both his work and appearance, I feel like it’s more in character for him to suggest a hero name that sounds more impressive, but still shows that sort of silliness underneath when you look closely.

He gained back some of my respect for him when he directly told Tatsumaki off for stealing his kill and talking down on him. That takes mad guts and I was wondering which of the heroes are willing to risk a serious fight with her to prove that they’re not one to be trifled with.

(Metal Bat was a little different in that regard: at the time, I just saw him as another affectionate parody of the delinquent trope. Nice contrast to the rest of the older, calmer heroes, but a little generic.)

Flashy Flash… yeah. I feel like he’s willfully disconnected himself from the world both emotionally and socially. Not because he’s afraid, but because he thinks it’s useless. He’s already seen the worst of it thanks to his upbringing, so there’s no point in putting in effort to go out and explore just to discover what else is wrong with the world.

I also think that, like Tatsumaki, he feels more than competent on his own and believes doesn’t need any outside help or interference. Hence, anyone who doesn’t meet his personal standards immediately has their opinions and suggestions of him dismissed or not truly considered with respect. He thinks he knows what’s best, even when there’s opinions screaming that he’s not, because he doesn’t respect others that way.

KING:

OOF- Okay, I was actually pretty ambivalent about him.

I thought he was cool when he intimidated the Tongue monster into submission, then thought he was an egotistical, vain hero when confronted by the G4 monster, then thought he was a pitiful, cowardly man forced to flee out of necessity, and then thought he was an endearing puppy when he realized just who Saitama is to him.

And. Hm.

King is… a very genuine man. I like him. Like Mumen Rider, he’s willing to put himself on the line to protect others. What makes me a little conflicted is if he’s more, the same, or less heroic than Mumen.

More: He has absolutely nothing to defend himself with in terms of physical skills or strength. His luck is his only maxed out stat in the hero game he’s obliged to play, and he’d rather be left alone, but he still puts his life on the line to help others, even when he’s scared witless.

Less: He does have his awe inspiring, fear inducing reputation that can neutralise the monster threats more often than not, and is aware of this, using it to his advantage. So maybe he’s a little less courageous since he knows it will work in his favour more often than not.

My take on him…  King strikes me as a good man. In a normal, monsterless world, he won’t be the kind who’ll fearlessly charge into battle against terrorists, or pull off any awe inspiring feats by himself by passing life saving legislations; this man isn’t interested in grand scale heroics and would rather support those who are interested and are good at it.

No, King strikes me as a man who wants to keep to himself and offer his sincere help to those who manages to become good friends with this shy man. He may be quaking in his boots at imminent danger, but he’ll still try to stand up for what’s right when someone else is being taken advantage of, even if he’s not entirely sure of what he’s doing.

AMAI MASK:

(RECENT WEBCOMIC SPOILERS!!)

I never cared much for Amai until now.

I can’t imagine anything more devastating than working yourself down to the bone to protect and give people hope, to cultivate others into what it means to be a true hero, only to realize the people you worked so hard for was just as hideous as you used to be. This man worked so hard, and him protecting the people he cared about wasn’t enough to deter them from reacting with horror and disgust. It wasn’t even five minutes until the first of his ungrateful ‘fans’ tried stoning him.

Thank God Saitama intervened… the look on his face after he was called a cool guy was both ugly cute and heart wrenching. He may have been called dreamy or inspirational by the adoring masses, but being broken down to the very thing that you’ve been ashamed and fearful of your entire life, and still having someone who sees you as someone worthwhile must’ve meant the world to Amai. He’s a monster, yes, but he kept a vice grip on his morals and never let them go, even when his grip on them was weakening with every breath he took.

I also liked the way that ONE written his rise to fame. The build-up and anticipation surrounding how he looked behind the mask, Amai himself being bitter over the vanity of the public, learning to accept it, and gradually became obsessed with embodying the symbol of justice- this time, where everyone can see it. But it wasn’t on his own terms, no; instead of being seen as the ugly but virtuous man before, he has to present himself as a handsome idol, instead of being loved and revered for who he truly is; ugly and all. That it’s not a defect.

And I felt pity for him when I realized that’s what happened.

My opinion and takes (interpretations) of him? He’s interesting, to put it lightly.

If I think more on it, I feel like he’s losing himself to his delusions. It’s ironic: someone focusing on saving the hearts of others, yet all they can see is themselves.

True to the series, Amai reminds me of Genos. Of what Genos would’ve turned out to be if he was kept alone with no one he can truly connect with. No one who can remind him of the sweeter things in life that don’t matter. No one you have a personal, deep connection with to return home to.

Amai strikes me as a man who’s so focused on eliminating evil that he sees it everywhere, no matter how small or large it is, or if it even exists. If someone doesn’t live up to his standards or sees what he sees, he immediately has this sort of insurmountable, unseen distance from them that can’t be easily crossed.

In all honesty, I’m intrigued and worried for him. Part of my indulgent ideas for him is that he’s slowly starting to hallucinate and had started monsterize from the inside for a long, long while, and it’s only by the Association’s dependence on him and his adoring fans that keeps preserving the man that he used to be when he was purely heroic, but hideous. And even then, it’s not enough.

I feel like he’s painted himself in a corner where he feels it’s too late to try and get help for his condition, instead desperately searching for someone who can take his place. He knows how important a symbol is, and if he had the choice, would keep it up as long as he lives, but his passion for it isn’t enough to drive off what he’s becoming.

And he was right.

ZOMBIEMAN:

I may have done Zombieman already, but I also realise that I’ve missed out on some things that I wanted to include~

In contrast to Amai, Zombieman strikes me as the type of guy who’s a sort of ‘Frankenstein’s Monster’ character. Unlike the book character, Zombieman is in a society that accepts, reveres, and adores him for all he does despite his questionable history and to what degree he is ‘human.’ He doesn’t seem to believe that what he is makes up for who he is, and anyone who thinks otherwise will earn his ire; but again, like Frankenstein’s monster, he knows it’s a part of him, and that it’s still a source of discomfort for him. He needs to get that skeleton out of his closet for him to truly enjoy life.

TATSUMAKI:

Honestly, I didn’t notice too much of her character until much, much later in the manga. Prior to that, I admired her ability to take care of the worst threats by herself. Soloist heroes and protagonists were always a soft spot of mine: learning to handle the worst of what life had to throw at you and being good at it, but not necessarily good at taking care of your emotional and mental wellbeing, confiding in others about that, and showing that it’s okay to be vulnerable or lost or flawed, and endeavoring to fix that?

Yesss. Good trope. One of my favorites.

So, what finally caught my attention from her?

Her fight with Psykos.

I was sort of seething with the way Psykos was chilling smugly in her underground lair. Her plan was smart, but the way she was so self-assured and the way she thinks she’s above others; human and monster alike, sipping wine all the while?

That irritated me a lot.

So, to see Tatsumaki rip her from her cozy room and into the fray of the battle, coercing her into spilling intel by twisting her limbs and body each and every way to force it out, and striking fear into her heart with that sadistic, predatory smile of hers?

I loved it. Whoo!

As for takes… I’m not sure if I have any on her to be honest! At least, not one that isn’t already canon. She believes that you shouldn’t rely on others to become strong, or to save you, and has lived up to that idea by herself. She can back up her words and I admire that.

I do feel a little sorry for her, considering what she’s gone through. As much as I agree with her, sometimes she can take it too far.

I was a little irked by her showing little to no concern for shielding her team mates from getting crushed underneath the rubble of a building, with Darkshine stepping in to protect them, but I suppose she had a point; you have to take care of yourself on the battlefield.

Still; her total lack of concern left me a little perturbed.

This was curbed a bit by her refusing to uproot the association until she knew Tareo was safe; I feel like that added more character to her in the manga, as opposed to the webcomic.

In conclusion: All of these characters are good. UoU! Murata and One are great writers, and they made them feel fleshed out and distinct from each other in almost every way possible whilst keeping them believable. And I love them for it. :3

[mischiefiswritten]

What Otome Has Taught Me About Writing Romance (and Some Other Things)

Alright, time for me to come clean about my love for visual novels and otome games. (Otome, if you're not familiar with it, is a genre of games with female protagonists that tells a love story, allowing the player to choose a suitor and make choices along the way that influence the ending. It's fantastic fun.) Aside from being an excellent little diversion, it's actually proved to be a useful tool when it comes to writing elements of romance into any WIP.

On with the Show

Otome games tend to be relatively short, so they need to pack a lot in to every chapter or episode. The best of them manage to cram in a full range of emotion and a cohesive plot to forge a memorable experience in relatively few words. I'm not suggesting that novels or other fictional formats need to be stripped down to their barest word counts, but there's something extremely valuable about being able to convey important elements of a story with economy. For one thing, your readers are probably busy people, just like you. They don't have unlimited time to read all the things they want to read, and if you spend too much time saying nothing at all (like in exposition), they might drop your story in favor of something else.

Now, there's no perfect formula for when to launch into the action of a story - each one is different and calls for something different! Personally I love to have some time for introduction at the start of a novel, not just so that I know who the characters are, but also so that I have a chance to crawl inside the world and live there before having serious plot to keep up with. That said, I have a 100 page rule - I only require myself to give a book 100 pages to convince me to stay. If I hit page 100 and I'm still saying, "what is this book going to be about? when is something going to happen?" there's a very good chance I'm outta there.

In contrast, if you jump into the deep end of the action immediately, readers may lack a sense of why they're supposed to care. These characters are distressed? That's a bummer, but if the reader never sees who they are and what their lives are like without the drama, they may have less passion for seeing that drama resolved. Like everything else in writing, this is a balancing act. It's all about finding your sweet spot so the progression from opening your book's cover to finding yourself swept into the narrative can seem as natural as possible and get the best emotional and intellectual investment from your readers.

Cheap Drama Feels Cheap

Your readers are intelligent people. Don't try to fool them into thinking there's real drama and suspense somewhere there's not because they'll be able to tell right away. It's annoying to most readers, especially when excellent characters - like yours! - are wasted on it. The otome routes that get dropped somewhere in the middle and receive the absolute worst reviews are the ones that feature the 'easily-resolved misunderstanding' trope. It's. The. Worst.

Terrible misunderstandings happen all the time in real life and in fiction, and the ensuing conflict (or disaster) can be extremely rewarding for the audience. "NO!!" it will make them scream as they clutch the book thinking about how it doesn't have to be this way. If only the characters knew, if only they realized! It's not the unnecessary nature of the issue that makes it cheap - it's how easily it's resolved. If there's an easy answer conveniently within your characters' grasp and no reason for them to not realize it or not take it, it will bug your readers.

One of the most infamous examples is when the female protagonist glimpses her suitor for a total of 20 seconds innocently talking to/hugging/putting a hand on the shoulder of/etc. an unidentified girl, and immediately sprints away, tears streaming from her eyes, despairing that the man she adores does not really love her after all and has been unfaithful. O woe, that this strange woman was chosen over her! Curse the vixen who stole her suitor's heart! The female protagonist then uproots everything good that was happening, abandons it all and runs far away. She ignores his and everyone else's attempts at communication until, in a crescendo of needless drama, the suitor travels a great distance to corner her and say,"yo, that was my sister."

Are you rolling your eyes? You should be rolling your eyes. Think of all the things anyone with any sense could have done in this situation. Stayed for another minute to hear the conversation. Walked up and asked to be introduced. Left after a minute or two, but asked about it later. Answered the phone when he called.

The bottom line is this: don't let your story's conflicts have easy answers. Especially not multiple easy answers. Take away the simple resolutions! Make every option cost your characters something!

Emotion Must Be Earned 

I mentioned above that if you dive into the drama of your story too quickly, you risk losing the readers' investment in your characters and plot. That's because emotion must be earned. This goes for both your readers and your characters.

You can't just tell your readers they should care about what's happening to your characters and actually expect them to. Even if you have the cutest, most squee-worthy romantic scenes in store, they'll feel hollow without the proper buildup. This happens all the time in otome (and other forms of fiction) where it seems like the writer was in a hurry to just get to the butterfly-inducing romance already! You read through a scene, and oh my gosh that dialogue nearly made you swoon, but... when that initial "OMG" fades, you're left feeling like something was missing. That thing was the feeling of resolved tension, or a triumph over struggles - something to make you say, "Finally!"

You have to make them work for it. It's not about being super clever, or surprising your reader with the build of emotions or the happily ever after. No one starts an otome game under the impression the main characters may not fall in love, after all. But there has to be something that keeps them apart for a while, some will-they-won't-they limbo, or that "ohohoho they're catching feeeelings!" process that makes the characters coming together feel like a win.

The bottom line is this: When romances are quickly and easily achieved, they feel cheaper.

You Can't Rush Love

The characters need some understandable reasons for feeling as they do about one another, as well. Even if it's some intangible 'it' factor that can't quite be explained, readers want to really feel like these people belong together. Otome routes with multiple seasons can fall into this trap pretty easily. When the writers want to get from the first season story of meeting and falling in love directly to season two getting married and talking about babies, it can feel like something very important was skipped. Like where their relationship naturally progressed and grew from that new, fresh whirlwind romance to serious life plans. (This works the worst when there's no time jump at all, or very little time is supposed to have passed.) The wedding and baby dialogue may be as swoony as Pride & Prejudice, but readers still don't want to have the nagging question "How did these people get to this point in their relationship?" in the back of their minds.

Sometimes this happens without time jumps or milestones, and the couple seems to leap from flirtation and new possibilities to 'I-would-die-for-you-and-without-you' levels of love. Like above, maybe it leads to great scenes, and maybe this part of the story is actually very well written, but if you're left asking "what did I miss?", there's a problem there. Along with earning your readers' emotional investment, you have to earn their belief. As a writer, it's your job to convince readers that this is a relationship worth rooting for - something that can last, or at least burn brightly before its bittersweet ending. If it's real love, your readers have to be able to grasp why: why these people are a couple, why they're meant to be, etc.

Keep 'Em Coming Back

 If you've played much otome at all (particularly free-to-play mobile otome), you're familiar with the typical ticketed reading system. In most of these games, you only get to read about half a chapter a day unless you pay for additional tickets, divided up into about five shorter segments. Along the way there are often checkpoints you have to pass by raising scores by completing tasks and mini-games and the like - and sometimes it takes a while (several days or even a week or two) to obtain the resources you need to continue reading!

And what's this got to do with writing? One word: pacing.

In otome, the story has to be good enough and each cut-off tantalizing enough that you 1) cash in all your free tickets each day, 2) want to come back each day to keep reading, and 3) are motivated to take the time to pass checkpoints. This means the game writers have to master their cliffhanger game as well as overall pacing. Not all the cliffhangers are of the type that probably jumped to mind upon first reading this. It doesn't always have to be a sudden and imminent danger, a shocking revelation, or other plot twist. Often it's dangling a sweet, romantic moment in front of players or otherwise developing a character through backstory or some meaningful event. The romance genre is largely about discovering the character of a person, all their dimensions and convolutions, and that journey of discovery can be an extremely useful tool for maintaining interest chapter to chapter and throughout the story.

Usually, if an otome route is going to drag, it's going to be in the middle. Perhaps this is because the writers had few compelling ideas for that portion of the plot, which is another topic for another day, but regardless of the genesis of the problem, it can kill a story. Life is busy, time for games and reading is limited, and content to play and read is plentiful. If a story becomes dull for a long stretch in the middle with no end to the doldrums in sight, it can easily be abandoned and forgotten about. At the same time, things can't be explosions and adrenaline-fueled car chases all the time. The less glamorous, less obviously exciting bits of a story are often where its soul takes shape and future payoffs are set in motion, so the trick is not to eliminate the quiet moments but to intersperse moments that make readers need something new. New questions they need answered, new angles they need explored, new emotions they need to experience again.

Your writing is not likely to be diced up to the extent an otome game is, but it's equally important to keep the middle from sagging and to provide that "just one more chapter!" feeling for your readers. Be careful not to make too many assumptions about the attention spans of readers - they need to be kept wanting more!

Don't Drag Out the Dark

Most people like a solid infusion of angst into their media. There's nothing wrong with a dark night of the soul your characters and readers can experience together, but you have to make sure there's some promise of dawn. If things get too abysmal for too long, people may be tempted to put the story down. I myself have been on hiatus with an otome game I absolutely love for more than too years because the route I was playing was simply too depressing! Life has a lot of challenges in store for all of us, and seeing fictional characters triumph over their own hardships can make even the darkest times more bearable. It's important to remember, however, that readers invest heavily in your characters - their burdens become the readers' burdens. Even when life isn't putting you through your paces, you can have a long day, and at the end of a long day, you may not have the energy to plunge headlong into the enduring agony of a novel. If readers feel like the terrible things happening to your characters are never going to end, they may simply lose the will to keep reading, despite loving what you've set up.

Like anything else, it's about balance. As readers, we tend to like being strung along by glimpses of better times ahead, or at least something to make the struggles worthwhile. Happiness makes pain more meaningful. Peace makes strife more striking. There has to be substance to the sadness. A reason for it, and an end to it - even if the ending is tragic. Be creative about what constitutes a good reason (a lesson learned, a sacrifice made, etc.) and also take into account what you advertise vs. what you deliver. (i.e. readers will be much more amenable to a sorrowful tale if they knew that's what they were getting into than if they were sold a happy-go-lucky romcom.)

At the end of the day, what's most important is how the story makes you feel.

I never pay for otome games. I opt for free-to-play offerings instead, and this has in no way impacted the quality of games I've had access to. Most of my favorites are not those with all the bells and whistles like animation and voice acting, those with the highest art budgets, or those from the most popular companies. They're the ones that people poured their hearts into and created earnestly and lovingly, starting where they were and using what they had.

And that is the bottom line of every piece of writing advice I could ever give. A lot of flaws can be overlooked in favor of the emotions a story evokes. Who cares if it was not told as artfully as another so long as it made you feel something real? Storytelling skills are marvelous, but when all is said and done, it's not the telling that matters most. The story itself is what counts.

I hope you believe in the story you have inside of you. I do! Thanks for making it to the end of this super long post (sorry but only kind of) and please feel free to share your thoughts on this topic with me.

[mcubernthal]

Frank Castle NSFW Alphabet

You can find this on my AO3 along with all my other fics (link in bio), or search #raewroteit.

A = Aftercare Aftercare and post-coital cuddling are very important to Frank. To him, they’re a part of the sexual act; he would never neglect or ignore someone after sex, no matter the context. He’s touch starved, so he’s going to take every moment of that tired bliss and use it to be as close to his partner as humanly possible, making sure they’re comfortable and feeling okay physically and mentally.

B = Body part Frank has never really thought about the parts of himself that he likes. Everything about his body reminds him of how dangerous he can be -- his hands and arms and chest. He’s all boxy and brute strength. Maybe his thighs are okay. He likes the way they ache after leg day and the way his partner loves getting themself off by rutting against the strong muscle.

As for his partner, there’s not a single part of their body that Frank isn’t totally enamored with. The swoop of their neck is the perfect place to bite, leaving marks that they’ll try to hide in the morning to no avail; their jaw is sharp and always ready for the kisses that Frank never fails to pepper across it; their chest is Frank’s favorite pillow; their hips were made for him to hold on to; their legs are soft and what’s between them is even better. Frank is completely obsessed with his partner’s body and making sure they feel as beautiful as they are.

C = Cum Frank isn’t typically one to be very fascinated with cum, so he doesn’t have a particular preference. It would really be up to his partner. He wouldn’t have any qualms with cumming inside them or in their mouth, but if their partner wanted it somewhere less vanilla, like on their chest or ass, Frank might need some convincing. He’s usually a pretty clean person, so this might gross him out a little. It would take some getting used to, but if Frank knows that his partner enjoys something, it’ll excite him too. Their pleasure turns him on more than anything.

D = Dirty Secret Frank has always wanted to have outdoor sex with his partner, but he’s too nervous to ask. It seems so outlandish to him -- so nasty and simply not his style, but he can’t push the idea of fucking his partner against a tree out of his head. He loves the outdoors and he loves his partner. Having them both at the same time would be heaven to him.

E = Experience To be honest, Frank isn’t the most experienced when it comes to sex. He lost his virginity in high school to his only serious girlfriend. Then there was Maria. Then that one night with Beth. And now his current partner. Sure, he’s had sex plenty of times, and he knows what he likes, but he hasn’t been with many people, so first experiences are often awkward and trying. But once he gets to know his partner, what they like and how they fit together, everything would be smooth between them.

F = Favourite Position Contrary to popular belief, Frank is the Softest man in the world and also a Bottom. His favorite positions are whichever ones allow maximum skin on skin. He wants to hold hands, kiss lips, squeeze thighs, and caress hips. He loves to have his partner on top and in control of their own pleasure.

G = Goofy For the most part, Frank is serious. But with someone he loves, he allows himself to be more vulnerable and simply enjoy the moment. Sex can be awkward, and Frank has no problem with laughing it off and moving on. He likes when his partner throws out jokes spoken through moans. They laugh out of breath, they smile into kisses. It’s love. It’s safe for him to be himself here.

H = Hair He’s a military man. Frank keeps himself well groomed, trimmed but never shaved.

I = Intimacy There is no one on this earth who values intimacy more than Frank Castle. Sex is really important to him — he’s in it for love and his partner’s gratification, not his own selfishness. Sex is intimacy in his book. He wants every time to be something special because he wants his partner to be able to feel exactly how much he loves them.

J = Jack Off Frank is used to long periods of time away from his significant other, so he (as most are) is well versed in the art of self stimulation. He’s not a huge fan, though. For the most part, Frank only jerks himself off when he’s stressed or in need of release. Of course, there are nights when his significant other is on his mind and he’s in no position to see them any time soon. On those occasions, he’s got plenty of mental images (and maybe some physical ones, too) of his partner to get him through the night.

K = Kink Listen. That’s just not who he is. It’s been said before: Frank gets off on satisfying his partner. If there’s something that they like or really want to try, Frank would love to do it for them. Anything that would make his partner happy will make him happy.

L = Location He’s an old fashioned kind of guy. Nothing screams romance like Frank picking up his partner bridal style and getting them to the bedroom. He likes the couch and sometimes even the kitchen table when things are more light. It doesn’t really matter to Frank where he is as long as it’s somewhere comfortable for his partner and they can be in private.

M = Motivation His partner. The way they smile and the way they pout when they’re not getting what they want and the way they don’t put up with any of his bullshit. Once Frank falls in love, he falls hard. That man is someone brand new when he’s with someone who makes him happy. It’s not hard to get Frank excited. Anytime his significant other does something that tugs at his heartstrings (literally every twelve minutes), he can be ready for action.

N = NO Obviously, if it’s not something that his significant other wants, he’s not gonna touch it with a ten foot pole. But for himself, Frank isn’t a fan of painful punishments for his partner or degradation in any form. It feels too similar to the things he did when Agent Orange had his team torturing and killing innocents. He doesn’t ever want to bring violence home to his lover.

O = Oral Everyone likes getting sucked off, but Frank’s kink for his partner’s satisfaction makes him prefer giving head. The way their hips arch up off the bed and he has to hold them down to keep his angle right, the soft sounds they make just as they near their climax, the way they wrap their thighs around his head to keep him there (as if he was going anywhere). He loves everything about it.

P = Pace While Frank is never too rough with his lover, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t he doesn’t know how to pace himself. He’s an expert in the art of the deep stroke and will never cease to remind his partner of it. Maybe he’s more vanilla and less adventurous in the bedroom, but he’s got his partner memorized to a T and will do everything that they’ll love every time.

Q = Quickie Frank doesn’t always have a lot of time on his hands. Between his partner’s fairly normal life and his own rather turbulent one, he doesn’t always have the time or energy to take them to bed as often as he would like. So a nice quickie before his partner goes to work in the morning or in the shower before he goes out for the night is good for the soul.

R = Risk Experimentation is one thing, but risks are another. Frank would try lots of things (albeit hesitantly) if his partner was intrigued by the idea. Risks, though, aren’t for Frank — not here. He wouldn’t touch them in public or risk getting caught by their friends. The most obvious reason for that is his being a wanted criminal, but more than that, he respects the dignity of his partner too much for it. Also, he’s a jealous son of a bitch and would shoot someone in the face if they were looking at his partner in a way that is designated for his eyes only.

S = Stamina Let’s be honest — Frank has acquired a lot of injuries throughout his adult life. These as well as his age and basically constant state of exhaustion all play a part in his stamina not being the most spectacular. He can last an average amount of time, but his partner shouldn’t expect multiple rounds in one sitting. Two times in one day has happened, but it was hours apart.

T = Toy Frank isn’t a huge toy enthusiast during his sexual encounters with his lover, but he does encourage them to have toys of their own for when he’s not around. Frank knows that he’s gone more often than not, and he wants to make sure that his significant other is being taken care of no matter what.

U = Unfair Although it’s not very often, when Frank teases, it’s not in an unfair way, but a playful one. Even so, he learned how to delay orgasms when he realized how much Maria liked it, so it’s something he’s comfortable with and pretty good at. He doesn’t see that as teasing, though — that’s a different thing entirely.

V = Volume Frank is not a particularly loud person — he doesn’t moan, exactly, he talks. He may not know much, but one thing he’s sure of is that his voice is sexy. The occasional grunt and growl would be punctuated with phrases of encouragement and pleasure. (Take it. Just like that. Fuck, you’re so good. Take me so good. Don’t even deserve you. Fuck, I love you.)

W = Wild Card Frank Castle is a goddamn teddy bear. After sex, he’s wrapped like a koala around his lover. He’s heavy and his grip is tight and he’s emitting so much body heat, but his partner doesn’t have it in their heart to tell him to move. This is Frank at his most vulnerable. It’s when he’s in this position that he’ll talk about anything — Maria and the kids, his own childhood, war stories. Anything that’s on his mind. Anything that his partner asks about. He feels so safe here.

X = X-Ray Everything about Frank Castle is big. His dick is no exception. He’s about average length but thick. And he knows how to use it.

Y = Yearning His sex drive isn’t too crazy — he’s getting older and he’s never been any kind of sex addict. But he can pretty much always find it in him to want it. Nine times out of ten, if his partner wants him, he feels the same way. If Frank’s at home all week, then they’re probably going three or four times.

Z = ZZZ There’s horror behind his eyes. Sleep never comes easy for Frank, and after sex is no exception. Exhausted as he may be, he finds it hard to rest. He’d rather hold his partner and talk with them until they fall asleep. Maybe he’ll be able to rest his eyes for a couple of hours.

[azuremist]

Title: Not Today

Fandom: Professor Layton

Characters: Henry, Randall, Angela, Hershel, briefly mentioned noncanon therapist

Pairing: (Presumably one-sided) RanHen

Words: 2,687

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, self-hatred, character death, violence on inanimate objects, divorce mention. (Ask to add more!)

Summary: Henry reflects how he falls for his best friend, Randall Ascot, along with Randall’s death, and how it affects his life today. Takes place before Miracle Mask.

Taglist: @lukeowotriton 

Reblogs > Likes!

You know, everyone expects me to be moving on soon. In all honesty, I doubt that. But, at the very least, if I’m moving on someday, that day isn’t today, that’s for sure.

I don’t remember when I first met him. I was young, in my defense, but how weird is that to think about? How can the memory of the moment that changed my life forever be fuzzy around the edges, much less blurred out of sight?

I do remember what lead up to it. Mother divorced Father, despite my father being the breadwinner. Left devoid of cash, my mother decided to take up the role of a servant, and she even had me working as a young, young child, in order to get extra money. I remember holding onto her dress on my way to the Ascot household for the first time, and I remember her saying that I would serve their son in particular. But… It stops once the door is opened.

I’m positive I just saw him for what he was. A kid who wore his bedhead like it was a trendy style, with freckles and a horrible sense of fashion. And he was the person who I would be serving for; so I disregarded him as a person, and registered him as a boss.

I’d heard my mother complain about serving Randall’s parents; how demanding they were and such. I couldn’t deny that she looked exhausted all of the time. So, I expected the same experience with this redheaded boy… But I guess I forgot one crucial thing. He was just that; a boy.

I constantly asked him if he needed something, and the most he ever asked of me was a glass of water. Otherwise, he would just smile at me. The requests he usually gave me were along the lines of, “Hehe, I ‘command’ you to play robots with me!” Randall didn’t really want much, it seemed, except for a friend.

That was alright with me. My father never called, and mother tended to be busy, other than the occasional scolding for me. So, from young boys, Randall and I grew close. Going on what he claimed was ‘adventures’, when, in reality, we were just going across the street to get some pop. In his own way, though… He did make everything into an adventure. Singing a tune from some action movie, holding my hand as he ran ahead… It made life with him have color. Every time he spoke, I felt him wiping away the monochrome hue from my eyes, and I could see the world as colorful as it was.

Mother only had that small house to keep me separate from work as a baby. So, with no need for that any longer, the Ascot residence became my new home. Every night was like a sleepover; and when I got nightmares, I passed up my mother’s sleeping area in favor for Randall’s room, where he let me climb into his bed and snuggle up close. He was warm. And I fell asleep by focusing on trying to make our breathing match.

Those early times were scary sometimes. I was a child who had a job, who had to work to provide for my mother and myself. I was always scared of messing up, especially because of my mother’s strictness… But when I was with Randall, I felt safe. I was able to feel like a child again. The world was colorful.

And that’s how it was for a long, long time. Just the two of us, unable to be torn apart. When I talked to him, or… Just listened; just listened to him talk about fossils and treasure with that wonderful glimmer in his eye… I felt like I was in a bubble of white light, protecting us from the scary outside world and the looming threat of growing up.

Then, around… Oh… Middle school, maybe, Randall brought home another friend. Hershel Layton.

I didn’t dislike Hershel, don’t mistake me here. He was kindhearted and quiet, and helped keep Randall in line when I couldn’t. But, suddenly, it wasn’t just Randall and I anymore. There was this intruder trying to break into our bubble. Even looking back on it now, I wouldn’t say I was jealous… I was just panicked about the change. Things were changing again, and at the time I wanted them to change the least.

Something important you have to know is that, back when I was a child… Well, ‘the gays’ were talked about sparingly, especially when it came to rich people like the Ascots. But I sometimes overhead Randall’s father talking about his ‘sick brother’. I assumed this mystery brother had a cancer of some kind; which would explain his live-in male roommate. Some sort of doctor, maybe…?

But, over time, I pieced together what was really happening. Randall’s uncle was sick in the head. Mentally ill. He was in love with his roommate… His male roommate. Gross, right?

But when I heard about this, my stomach twisted. I felt like throwing up. I didn’t know that this ‘sickness’ was possible; that it was physically possible to like another boy. But now that I knew it was possible, I couldn’t help but wonder…

Was I sick, too?

Was this sickness behind the feeling of safety I felt around Randall? Was this why, when Randall smiled, it felt like something warm spilt in my heart, and why when he laughed (full-on snort-laughed), I felt like I would give a kidney to hear it again? Was this why I felt my face go hot when he touched my skin? Was this not a strong feeling of friendship and platonic companionship, like I had thought?

I had to know more. Was this sickness going to cause me harm? Would it affect anything else as I grew up? My vision, my hearing? What was happening to me?

What was wrong with me?

I was wondering all of this when Hershel came along. Change was the last thing I needed at that time… But there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to put a lid on my feelings, and shove them into a dark corner of my heart.

Even if I was sick, wouldn’t it be selfish to ever want to date Randall when being his friend was basically the best thing that ever happened to me?

Then high school hit, and on came puberty. And suddenly, girls were all Randall could talk about.

He talked about all sorts of girls. He talked about the blonde girl who he liked, and the girl with pretty eyes who flirted with him. More and more, especially loud when other people were around. I expected these feelings to come to me, too, sometime soon. Maybe this sickness of mine could be grown out of?

No. It only got worse with age.

While Randall drooled over girls, all I could notice were boys. How they talked, how they moved… I was going absolutely, positively boy-crazy. And that was a problem when there was a very kindhearted, and very, very handsome boy within the range of my home, at literally all times.

I wish I could say I just began to notice how nice he was, because that would be less embarrassing, but it was more than that. It was how his muscles moved under his shirt, and how he smelled like pine trees and the outdoors. But not in a gross way… In a nice way. It was how his skin was dusted with sweet freckles and how he showed his gums when he smiled. I saw all of it, and I couldn’t try to deny to myself anymore that I was head-over-heels, stupidly, helplessly in love with my best friend, Randall Ascot.

Do you know what it’s like to live with the person you love? It’s like living with fire. You want to get close… You’re so memorized by its every flicker and glow. But it’s dangerous… Because if you touch it. Well. You burn. But you can’t help but wonder how that beautiful fire; that beautiful, dangerous fire; feels on your skin.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to burn. I couldn’t tell him I was sick. Even if he was sick too… Where would that lead us? We would still be mentally ill. And would that mean I was dragging Randall down with me? And if I told him I was sick, and he was normal, then I would be absolutely ruined. Not only would I lose my best friend, but he would tell everyone. And I would be on the streets faster than you can say ‘rejection’. That’s what happened to Randall’s uncle, anyway…

I lived in constant fear. I hated myself. I hated myself so much, and I wanted to push it onto someone else. Anyone else. I was looking for someone to hate.

And then, Angela began to date Randall.

And it was like every cell in my body locked onto her, and said, “Yes. That one.”

It’s… Silly, looking back on it. Unlike Hershel, I was jealous of Angela. So jealous that I hated everything about her. I took out everything; my self-hatred, my confusion, my unrequited love; onto her. Well… That would imply that I was… Bullying her. I wasn’t. I internalized it all, just like before. But at least all of these feelings weren’t for myself.

The worst thing I would do is that I would interrupt whenever she and Randall got ‘alone time’. Because thinking about those two kissing, or doing anything beyond that, made me… Not angry… But sad. It was kind of pathetic… But I was still holding onto that hope, that silly little hope, that I might be Randall’s first kiss.

Thinking about Randall and I being together like that… Kissing… It made me feel like I was surrounded in warm, fluffy clouds.

Anyways, I didn’t do anything to Angela. I just wallowed in my own pathetic bitterness and my worries and my love, and it all molded together into a horrible, horrible goopy mess, lying in my stomach for most of my teenage years.

Yes, I eventually did learn to like Angela, once I figured out I was being incredibly silly about this whole thing. I was only hurting myself more by putting energy into hating someone who didn’t even do anything wrong. We bonded a lot over not only Randall, but also our common interests in books. And, with time, Hershel and Angela became a part of our bubble, and it didn’t feel as crowded anymore. I began to feel like, maybe… Maybe… Things were going to be okay.

I had it all planned. Randall would never have to know how I felt, and he would marry Angela, completely and utterly clueless. I would be his best man, and I would hand him off to Angela. Not because I loved him any less, but because I loved him so, so much. At least, this way, I would get to see him smile and laugh in the arms of someone who loved him like I did, rather than him finding out how I felt, and leaving me for good.

Then he died.

When we found out, Angela began to cry on the spot. But I went numb. My eyes wide, my mouth agape, and I felt absolutely, positively nothing.

It was on the way home that it hit me.

The love of my life, Randall Ascot, had fallen into a pit and died a painful, horrible death. We didn’t even know where his body was. It was likely covered in blood, lying limp, a shell of the wonderful boy it once was. I would never see his eyes again. I would never see him smile again, or laugh again. Randall… My sweet Randall… Was dead in a pit.

And now, I would go my entire life without kissing him, or telling him how much I loved him.

I went home alone that day. Angela and Hershel went somewhere, I can’t remember where. But once I was alone… In the house that he and I grew up in together…

I had, what Angela so lovingly called, a ‘Hen-rage attack’.

All of the feelings I had been trying to repress; sadness, stress, frustration, hatred, and the stinging loss of love; came up all at once in a violent outburst, and I absolutely wrecked the house that wasn’t even mine to begin with.

Screaming, crying, I broke furniture, punched walls, and threw china onto the ground. I went completely mad, taking out my fury on anything that dared be in my vision. My vision, by the way, was blurred, but everything looked red and everything felt hot. With every object I broke in that house, I only wanted to break more, and more, and more. And I screamed incoherent sentences, proclaiming how much I hated this, and how the love of my life was gone. Forever.

When I was done, I was covered in dust. My knuckles were bleeding profusely, and I tasted metal in my mouth, as well. And I was in the middle of all of this carnage, sobs violently going through my body. I didn’t feel any better. I thought this would help. But it didn’t.

Because Randall Ascot was still dead.

That feeling of helplessness… That is my motivation now.

I faked my marriage to Angela, so I wouldn’t have to believe that Randall Ascot was dead. I spent thousands of dollars of exploration missions so I wouldn’t have to believe that Randall Ascot was dead. I created and was the mayor of a whole city so I wouldn’t have to believe that Randall Ascot was dead. I worked hard every day, so I wouldn’t ever have to succumb to that horrible, horrible feeling ever again.

Is this denial? Was this just pushing off the inevitable time when I would have to accept Randall’s passing? Probably. Well, that’s what my therapist says, anyways.

Yes, Angela and I both went to therapy. Sometimes together, usually separately… And, every meeting, she would suggest ways to ‘move on’.

“Your whole life revolves around you living in your past,” she would say. “You need to live in the now.”

She suggested that I visit Randall’s grave every day, and talk to it like he was there. Then, after a month, I would tell him goodbye. I did that… But when the day came to say goodbye, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. That word… That simple ‘farewell’… It was stuck on my tongue, and choked my throat. I ended up leaving the gravestone without saying a word.

Then, she tried a different approach; she told Angela to take away the robot that Randall gave to me as a child, without telling me. Real great idea, that one. I went into a full-on rage again, and teared up the house trying to find the robot; my precious comfort item. Angela returned to a house that looked absolutely destroyed on the inside, and me in the middle of it, sobbing, and trying to retrace my steps of the past month on a piece of paper. Safe to say, that didn’t work.

Then, she suggested writing a letter to say goodbye to Randall. I like writing, so… I tried it.

So I sat at my desk, staring at a blank piece of paper. I licked my lips and began, ‘Dearest Randall.’

‘It’s just that…’ I erased that.     

‘Do you remember…’ No good, either.

‘I think that…’ No, no, no.

None of it was good enough. None of it was enough to say how much I felt for him. Despite the wonderful, wide variety of words, there was simply no way to tell him exactly how I felt, in any language.

So, instead, I wrote this:

‘Dearest Randall,

You know, everyone expects me to be moving on soon. In all honesty, I doubt that. But, at the very least, if I’m moving on someday, that day isn’t today, that’s for sure.

Love until the last star dies,

Henry Ledore.’

[uptightcitizensbrigade]

Her black PVC raincoat strikes an argument with North Camden’s white fronted mansions. I follow the click clack of her stiletto heels across the pavement. She swings open a small wooden doorway, I climb inside. Eye contact was quickly established as our only means of communication. My unnamed, mute guide glares at a table in the corner of the half-lit warehouse so I shuffle across and pick up the giant pink pen. A two metre contract lolls off its four corners. I sign my name on the dotted line: I will not reveal anything that happens inside The Box until late September.

The 4-metre wooden cube stands in the middle of the empty warehouse like a lost garden shed. She knocks twice on its front before pushing open a square panel no higher than my stomach. Crouching to enter, I come up in a disorientating quasi living space coated crease to crease in thick neon pink paint. Two standing lamps illuminate a perfectly central white desk. In the middle of the desk, two bright white diner-style milkshake cups have been placed with precision. Behind the desk a woman sits up straight, silent and staring, in a black leather mini skirt and bra.

I pull up the chair opposite and meet her gaze. “Hello Annie, what a lovely pink box you have here.”

Annie Clark, best known as St. Vincent, has reached a stage in her career where even her interviews have become a manifestation of her fastidious artistic vision.

Surreal, thrilling art-pop as uneasy as it is danceable, Clark is on the cusp of her fifth album MASSEDUCTION. The record has a big space to fill. In 2014 Clark self-titled her fourth album for a reason. Refining every quest and quirk of her career to date, the singular vision of St. Vincent won her Best Alternative Music Album at the 2015 Grammys. (It’s worth noting that she was the first woman to win the award since its inception in 1991, when Sinead O’ Connor collected the gong. Though really, that says more about the music industry’s white male bias than it does about Clark.)

In the three years since the success of St. Vincent her profile and passions have expanded to fit. She’s inducted Nirvana into the Rock N Roll hall of fame, hosted a Beats 1 radio show, made her directorial debut with a horror short, acted as official ambassador for Record Store Day and become one of few artists invited to design a signature Ernie Ball Music Man guitar. Beck, Dave Grohl, Josh Homme and Taylor Swift all have a St. Vincent six string somewhere in their collections.

Prowess proven, how did she tackle the enormous challenge of superseding her own infallible benchmark fifth time around?

“I more or less prepared myself to make another record by doing completely different things,” she says, referencing her recent extra-curricular activities. “But I knew early on that I wanted to make a record about power and seduction, in all kinds of forms. Political, personal, sexual.”

The luxury of success has allowed Clark to release the details of MASSEDUCTION in micro doses. Much like the Lynchian confines of our not quite Red Room today, the album’s imagery is a shock of deceptively simple eccentricity. In one of its first photos she stands with a lacklustre stare, arms crossed, hip jutted in a neon pink room that has three pairs of bodiless legs clad in thigh high PVC stiletto boots sticking out the wall.

With paradoxical precision, the sonic accompaniment to her provocative disembodied limbs was "New York". A gentle piano ballad that zooms in on Clark’s vulnerability. “You’re the only motherfucker in the city that can handle me,” she laments.

Fans were quick to assume the album’s first single was a coded message to Clark’s former girlfriend, super-model Cara Delavigne. Their relationship thrust St. Vincent into new circles, where peak celebrity is peak content, devoured and concocted at an alarming rate. “I wasn’t really bothered by it,” she says of the cash, clothes and cameras. “If you’re in love you’re in love. I’m not going to change my behaviour. I mostly just found it very strange on a human level. How rabid people were for pictures and gossip. I don’t think that experience particularly changed me.”

It might not have changed her but it certainly affected her. In 2014 St. Vincent was our wiry silver haired cult leader. A digital witness, nodding with sardonic approval at our show-all, tell-all lives. Now she’s lived and loved through the eye of the storm, she’s returned to resuscitate her constituency with refined discontent.

True to her manifesto of “power and seduction” the album is a succinct and disconcerting picture of our times. Dystopian sugar-high electro, ballads of alienation, its thirteen tracks of pop phantasmagoria are as addictive and unsettling as the clawing social constructs we all, for better or worse, play along with.

“I think there might have been an expectation that whatever I released next would be some big, ostentatious banger,” she says of her decision to release ‘New York’ first. “Writing that song, I loved it. I thought it was really direct and emotional. People might have thought I was going to zig, so I zagged.”

St. Vincent zags, Annie Clark does not. Cultivating her own blend of passion, practice and perseverance Clark has pushed herself forward from a very young age.

Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, to her social worker mother and stockbroker father, she was raised Roman Catholic. Her parents divorced when she was three and Clark moved with her mother to Dallas, Texas. Growing up one of eight siblings (some half, some step) Clark faced intense anxiety attacks from as young as six as she grappled with the “chaos” of the world. In her teens she began to question the internalised “culture of fear” fed to her by religion.

And how doth many a lost, pubescent mortal seek redemption? Music.

Thanks to the timeless combination of a friend’s rad Dad with a Stratocaster and some expert music supervision for the OST of a major blockbuster hit (for Clark it was Jimi Hendrix during Forrest Gump ) by 12 she had her first guitar.

From Hendrix to Zeppelin, Jethro Tull to Nirvana at their heyday and the local record store nerd who gave her PJ Harvey and Nick Cave, Clark quickly learned to respect her “inner weirdo.”

She got her first experience of life on the road with her uncle Tuck Andress and his wife Patti Cathcart, better known as jazz guitar and vocal duo Tuck & Patti. Their ubiquitous tour hand, teenage Annie was responsible for everything from flowers in the dressing room to the voltage on stage. Maintaining that she’s never worked harder, the real value came from the deeply spiritual connection her uncle had with music. An exemplary finger-picking guitarist, his talent, he insisted, came from an undoing of ego rather than a propulsion of one. She remembers watching the way their fans would listen, really listen.

Perhaps a shred of this sentiment caused her to drop out of Berklee College of Music in her third year. She realised she was being taught “every potential style of music,” she says, rather than how to develop one of her own. Aged 20 she faked it as a booking agent and moved to New York to tour the East Coast. Three months later she was broke and back at home with her parents in Texas.

Now a proficient guitarist, Clark rectified the situation with a memorable audition for choral rock troupe The Polyphonic Spree. Learning all their songs on guitar, she turned up to play them with a full guitar pedal collection and rig in tow. Joining the band on the road led to a tour spot with Sufjan Stevens and it was during one of Stevens’ UK shows in 2006 that a 24 year old Clark was spotted and signed by Beggars Banquet. Her debut album Marry Me came out the following year, on it she played 13 different instruments.

Space is important to Annie Clark. It affects the bones of her. By the time she reached third album Strange Mercy she had the means to facilitate her ideal writing conditions; a month alone, waking up in her hotel room and moving to the studio for 12 hours a day. In 2014 she told Rolling Stone she’d turned all of the books around in her New York apartment because their varying spines caused too much clutter, “There were too many different fonts next to one another,” she reasoned. Committed to a relentless touring schedule both before and after St. Vincent, by the time she came home in late 2015 she knew the only way to create a new record was to build the space to do it in first. “I just knew I needed a space to work. A space where I could really work.” How can she ‘really’ get to work? “Everything needs to have a purpose,” she says firmly. Did she live in the new studio? “Yeah, I mean, like, there’s a bedroom. And four rooms dedicated to music. It functions so every room is wired up to be recorded, except for the bedroom, which probably should have been, haha! It was just nice to have a space where I could do whatever I wanted. From the outset, I just did so many things alone.” 

Just under a year after the studio was built Bleachers’ Jack Antonoff came on board. As a producer he’s worked with Taylor Swift and Lorde. How fully-formed were the new St. Vincent songs before they reached him? “Sometimes really fully-formed,” she nods. “Some things intended as demos became parts of the actual album. ‘Fear The Future’ was pretty much formed as a song. The guitars in that are from my demo. But working with him, there was also a lot of back and forth, making sure that every song was the best possible version of itself.” 

The journey for some songs was simple. “'New York' was written on guitar,” says Clark. “And then we just had it played on piano by Thomas Bartlett."

The journey for others, not so much. “The genesis of ‘Pills’ was that I was having trouble sleeping,” she says of the album’s four minute mental pop opera. “I took like, an over the counter sleeping pill and I just started singing the song’s jingle. ‘Pills to eat / pills to sleep / pills, pills, pills / every day of the week.’ And I was like, oh, that’s a good one. I’ll take that! So many songs that we love are like versions of nursery rhymes, you know? So I knew that it was something. And then the second half of that song, I had this piece of music that I’d written for David Byrne’s ‘Colour Guard’ project. So I kind of had ‘Pills’ part 1 and ‘Pills’ part 2. I didn’t necessarily think they would go together but I kept refining both of them.”

“The first time I played it for Jack,” she continues, “it had both parts but it wasn’t really fleshed out as an idea. He was like, ‘that’s really cool, that sounds really ambitious’ and I was like, ‘hm. Ambitious is not what you want to sound like. Ambitious sounds like you’re really trying for something but you didn’t get there.’ So, OK. This needs to be something people can really dance to until they listen to the words and then they’re crying.”

It’s an adage as ancient as lyrical music itself. Words full of hurt, tunes full of hope, the ultimate sing-a-long catharsis. ‘How could anybody have you / how could anybody have you and lose you / how could anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds too,’ Clark struts on the insatiable electro sleaze of "Los Angeles."

Considering her demi-God status as a guitarist, much of the swaggering pop on MASSEDUCTION is won by its dizzying synths, pushing the album closer to a dancefloor than Clark’s ever dared. Her gender fluid anthem ‘Sugar Boy’ sounds like Donna Summer singing "Blue Monday." “Yes. There’s a lot of synths,” she laughs. “Jack’s playing most of the synths. I never got, I mean, I can get a tone, but I never got good enough at playing that I would wanna go, like “here, I got this” for anything other than a demo. I did a little bit on previous records but that was because I was the only one in the room.” Of the guitar that we do hear, how much of that can be attributed to her new Ernie Ball signature? “I didn’t use any other guitar on this record!” she responds, gleefully. “And not for any other reason than I love it. I have all these vintage guitars. Obviously I love guitars. I have a lot of guitars! But this was just the most perfect, flexible, go to instrument. I did a lot of glam tuning with the slide!” Is this the first time she’s only used one guitar across a whole album? “It really is. I mean, on the last record I think I used like, Thurston Moore’s Jazzmaster – his signature from Fender. My old Harmony Bobkat. And my Music Man Albert Lee for a lot of the whammy bar stuff.” 

At some point during our conversation in The Box an abstract instrumental has crept on in the background. It’s an unsettling ambient drone, more Steve Reich than St. Vincent. As it quietly hums beneath us, I fall further from the reality outside The Box and closer to the one in it. Clark casually realigns the milkshake cups on the centre of the table.

I found an old photograph of you, I begin. She eyes me cautiously. I describe the find, 2004 Clark hunched over her guitar, the only female member of noise rock quartet Skull Fuckers but looking every inch the part in a black beanie, oversized t-shirt and jeans. “I was a kid in those photos!” she recoils. “It’s so horrifying to think of!” The cover art for MASSEDUCTION is a woman in pink tights and a leopard print thong, bent over, sticking her head through a bright red wall. Coupled with the PVC clad legs hanging through pink glory holes, this album features the most highly sexualised set of St. Vincent images to date.

“Yes, but I also think they’re funny,” she says. “Because there’s a level of absurdity. I couldn’t take myself seriously if it was just me and some sort of sexy outfit doing fuck me face.” I wonder to what extent she’s grappled with her own outward presentation of gender. She’s a long way from the girl with no make-up hiding under a black beanie. Last year she performed a gig dressed as a life-size toilet.

“Gender is performative,” she asserts. “And I think it’s very important to be cautious of the ways in which you unconsciously perform gender. Especially if the axioms that have been passed down to you through patriarchal culture are not fulfilling to your empowerment. But as far as the performance of sexuality on this record, it’s an exploration of power and seduction and to me, that does have an absurdist, humorous side.”

It also, quite clearly for Clark, has a vulnerable one. On "Happy Birthday, Johnny" she gently documents her relationship with a past friend or lover over barely there piano. ‘You saw me on magazines and TV,’ she sings. ‘What happened to blood / our family / Annie how could you do this to me?’

The album’s final lurching track "Smoking Section" placates line after line of crippling desperation, ‘Sometimes I go to the edge of my roof / I think I’ll jump just to punish you,’ with a cyclic admonition, ‘let it happen / let it happen / let it happen.’

“Songs are Rorschach Tests,” she says, looking me dead in the eye. “And no, I’m not lonely at all,” she adds, answering the question.

Suddenly there’s a sharp, triple knock and The Box door swings open. My PVC clad guide waits for Annie to finish.

“There’s so many instances where I act on instinct,” she says of the costume, colour and choreography that now envelop her work. “So I often act on instinct with form. And meaning comes later. In the words of Annie B Parsons who I love as a friend, my choreographer, ‘Form is spiritual.’”

Before leaving, I express my fondness for The Box in no uncertain terms. “I’m so glad you enjoyed it more than a hotel lobby,” she replies.

Outside is bright and fast and real and rubbish compared to inside The Box. I wish I was back in The Box, I tell St. Vincent’s publicist.

“You didn’t get any answers?” he asks.

“Huh?”

“She didn’t play you any answers?”

For the past forty minutes I’ve been cocooned in a neon pink wooden womb with St. Vincent none the wiser to her master plan. Turns out, if I’d have asked any one of the multiple questions on her hit list she’d have pressed a button, an automated interview answer would have played and I’d have been booted straight out The Box.

Oh the power.

Oh, the seduction.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Primes :)

oh tsym! an #Ally

Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? 

i do! uhh with tea like, sweet tea + lemon or better yet Lemonade is great... i like green tea, and fruity teas like raspberry especially or the like, and i’ve had mint too and i think it’s great....i always like to sweeten it....with honey if there’s any. also i usually drink it hot b/c that’s just like, the easiest. iced sweet tea / lemon/ade is great but like, what a hassle waiting for it to get cold, right? 

re: coffee, i haven’t had nearly as much experience drinking it as with tea, so like......well hang on, i’d go to the Coffee On The Corner (now called something else which i forget) place a couple blocks from my college campus b/c of otherwise being lonely and being like “oh god can i be around other people for a while,” and i’d get mochas there, and sometimes add raspberry to that. usually i go for something like that, or once i had like, a lavender frappucino or something at the best place to get donuts in the world (sugar shack) and it kinda fucked. i’ve at least sampled iced coffee and thought it was great, i get what everyone’s on about. anyways i Usually just have like, plain hot coffee, though that’s not exactly a preference lmao.....and i sweeten it and add creamer because like, i love myself and like to enjoy things.

What was the last song you listened to?

i was listening to wrol performances most recently while washing dishes......i remember teenage dirtbag, That amphibian, and flesh & bone being among the ones i was listening to towards the end

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

sorta, there’s this ostensibly-a-fox really soft like throw pillow guy that’s not even mine but i’ll lie against it sometimes

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?

i usually sleep with this one really solid blanket i got from target, or if it’s cold i’ll add the faux-down comforter i also got from target. s/o to the person who recommended its ikea equivalent that time i was sleeping in real cold temps and like “please recommend me blankets” b/c that one is Very insular and like, it’s always Enough when i add it to the other blanket when it’s too cold for just the one. cuz like, i guess ideally i’d like to sleep with as few as possible But i want to be warm enough. also, i’d probably enjoy a weighted blanket. i’ve never really had one but i like heavy blankets and am Pressure Friendly. and then plus there’s this thing i do ever since this one semester at college where i’ll lie something over the whole top half of my head while i sleep like to cover my eyes, and it’s weird trying to sleep without that ever now. rn i use a bathrobe. so that’s kind of another Ideal requirement ig??

What color are your eyes?

blue

Fears?

the idea of global catastrophic climate change literally haunts my dreams......when i think of “certain health issues that could happen” i am like guess i’d die..........i fear prison in that well i know i could endure it like, ha ha what else is new (some aspects would be new) but it’s the “being cut off from the outside world which is where everyone who knows me is” part where i’m like, well i’d really really rather not have to go through that.......i have some like not-quite-phobias which are sort of manageable if i really really have to deal with it, and also possibly have a long time to steel myself........though i guess i’m sort of nervous about heights Always. it’s yknow, like, uh, most of my Fears are more of “i really Dread this”. oh and i find some other stuff like, not quite “i have a phobia” but intensely perturbing. i do not like very large mechanical things, for example, that operate automatically. like very large engine-type stuff. possibly because it is a very large and loud moving object, or because a machine can kill you easily without knowing. maybe in a past life i was a child in an industrial society pre-child-labor-laws reform. hope not! not my fave way to go! also even though i like swimming, sometimes Thoughts About Pools make me nervous. flowave perturbs me, for example, b/c i can’t help thinking of how bad it would be to be in that water with all these moving mechanical parts generating large waves. also there’s some large like art installation that’s this large Eternal Circling Drain Into Vague Stygian Depths which disturbs me for similar reasons. anyways we’re getting kinda elaborate here but. oh!! same as prison basically but if i can’t be in touch with the outside world it’s like haha........aha....a.....

Want any piercings? Where?

at one point i was like “i kinda like fun earrings, maybe it’d be fun to be able to wear them” but lbr now im like ugh the whole getting a new piercing process is such a hassle and i would probably end up never / hardly ever wearing earrings anyhow, what’s the point. so i guess No

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends?

soph is my best friend u_u we started talking last november so, going on about eleven months. our Innovation within that time frame.....our minds........also can you believe soph Just got to see deh? that was a historic occasion and i hope everyone fully appreciates that

Do you believe in aliens?

you know what they say: the only two possibilities are that we are the only Life in existence or we are not, and either is extraordinary! :o but like really if this universe is one of infinite, limitless space, and/or there are parallel or alternate universes, then like...other life totally exists, since when you’re dealing with Infinity stars and planets and such, and there’s a nonzero chance that other planets could have developed life (which there is), that means that there Would be life on other planets. infinite planets, really. but it’s neat that when you’re dealing with the observable universe and the range of what we can estimate based on what we Know so far....there’s still a decent chance it really Could be just us rn. and the scale of Time and Space are so wild that it’s like, easily true that we might as well be functionally alone whether it’s because we’re too far apart in space or b/c our “time during which life exists” doesn’t overlap, much less the surely briefer time range in which life capable of communication exists...drake equation time.........but also like if it’s all “oh yeah contact’s been / will be made” i wouldn’t be shocked like wow thought that was impossible. life from other planets is just like, statistics and shit. and the scientifically-informed answer to that math is still “shruggg”....but why Should we be literally unique in all of existence. and if they exist or not has nothing to do with my belief either way so it’s not that important to me that i decide

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? 

pretty much lol i am very passive. though if i feel like i’m left to my own devices Truly? i can sort of be impulsive

What are you looking forward to in the distant future?

well i Could say season 5 of billions, since tbh “early-ish 2020″ counts as the distant future and it seems extremely likely it will give us more winston content, but you really can’t say you ever “look forward” to billions. it’s cursed and like, can give you brief and shining moments and some kind of neat elements, but like. it really overall brings Dread and Repulsion and Agony and etc and we’re in hell!!!!! but uhh beyond that i have nothing concrete lmfao rip

Do you prefer dogs or cats?

well i really like cats but i like dogs too

What’s your favorite cartoon? 

idk atla really did all That didn’t it

Do you have siblings? How many?

two! i’m in the middle

Have you memorized your phone number?

well every time i’ve had a phone number i’ve had it memorized lmao