#being silent or easily upset imma just send them this

[ageofevermore]

i struggled finding the words to explain the crippling anxiety and worthlessness i felt surrounding personal attachments/relationships and this is everything i’ve never been able to put into words, but it makes me feel a whole lot less crazier

[palbabor-writes]

KDJDJSLSKS OK SO- ik it’s widely accepted for Tomura to be kind of an asshole to y/n, but what if 😌 he had the kinda “asshole to the world but never to your girl” thing going on? 😌😌😌😌 I live, I love 🥰

Hey, hi, hey ✨

So, I pretty much exclusively write Tomura with that idea in mind. For me, it’s just a...if I can say this, a canon compliant concept.

Moar under the cutttt + spoilers for post Overhaul arc & MVA arc.

You opened a can of worms nonnie. I’m going to answer the ask, but imma hop on my soap box first ✨

Tomura I would argue, is less of an asshole and more of a sassafras. He is snarky, snarky & I love his attitude.

I feel like early Tomura is the main font of this “asshole” misconception within the fandom. Horikoshi wrote him very differently in the beginning of BNHA. Pretty much everyone who met him called Tomura a “man child.” And he kinda is. He’s impatient and short tempered, but not once did he react to these slights with what I would classify as asshole behavior. Even when his life is threatened, he’s being a little sassy boi.

He’s annoyed in these panels. But he’s not like, hey, you fucking dick, get off my nuts before I kill you. If anything, he elaborates on his thoughts and is challenging Stain to pick up the crappy pieces of his own shoddy “theories.” To Tomura, killing heroes is only breeding MORE heroes. He feels Stain’s plan is flawed & he tells him so.

Tomura is also easily able to slip into different roles. He can fit in with others and make himself part of the crowd. He’s got mountains of self control. When he spies Izuku in the mall he doesn’t come at him with some angry outburst, instead he reverts to snark:

Look at his voice bubbles! They’re a little wavy, but they’re nothing like his usual bubbles. This man can modulate and control how he sounds. He’s going for something open and friendly, albeit, his general demeanor is creepy, but he still manages to get close to Izuku and catch him off guard.

This is the worst outburst we see from Tomura. He’s not spewing vitriol or degrading dialogue, if anything, he’s controlling himself. He’s not wanting to kill these guys anymore and he’s scratching out some space for himself. He needs time to process. He’s a little rude, I guess, but who hasn’t told someone to shut up? It’s a normal piece of conversation when you’re annoyed.

But ken, what about asshole behavior that is visible in the manga? I gotchu, don’t worry.

This guy? Dabi? Yeah, this guy is an example of an asshole. He’s abrasive and confrontational from the GET. Tomura only responses to his aggression, he doesn’t project his frustration until after Dabi has called him fucking GROSS. You talk a lotta shit when you look like THAT king. Like, the morgue called, and they want their burn victim BACK.

Again, Tomura is snarky, but he only calls Toga a freak after she spouts some nonsense about loving Stain so much she wants to kill him. These people are wild and he is not pleased. His ad in the paper asked for COMPETENT villains, not teens, tweens and anything in between.  

Plus, Mr. 3rd Degree Burns keeps ignoring his questions. I’d be peeved too, y’all.

Dabi is the asshole in the LOV. He goes out of his way to be nasty, especially to Spinner:

How does Tomura deal with Spinner? He treats him as an equal, even asks his opinion on battle strategy when they are in Deika City.

Tomura has changed a toooon over the course of this manga. Horikoshi has deepened his growth and created a very well rounded and complex character. He cares about his people and he hates being disrespected. Hell, he hates when his people are taken advantage of.

This man, if you are on his side, will fight for you.

So, I don’t write him as an asshole. To me, that is fanon and not canon. Now writing him as blunt, snarky and impatient? Sure. Because, to me, he IS all those things and we can see him being all those things.

ANYWAY. If you made it this far, here is the Drabble:

“They haven’t checked in for two days. Should I call them? I told Toga she needed to-“

“Don’t bother. If it exposes our hand, then this whole mission is a waste.”

“But if they-“

“Why do I need to repeat myself? Like I said, if our plan is revealed then Mange’s death, and your fucking arm, were sacrificed for no reason. Don’t call them, Compress.”

You’re perched on the edge of a large box, watching the tense exchange. Tomura has been quiet the last few days, even keeping you at an arms length. He’s upset, and he’s been brittle, jagged in his recent conversations and movements.

Compress tosses you a quick glance and shrugs, his light brown eyes darkening. “All right, I suppose we can go off of the old saying that: no news, is good news. However, I am going to ask Toga to maintain regular check in’s the next time she calls.”

“Fine,” Tomura grunts, following Compress’ line of sight, his eyes lingering over your seated form. “Is that all?”

“Yes, yes,” Compress nods, his gloved hand waving in the air beside his head. “That’s all from me. I’ll check on the van. Giran said it would be available this afternoon.”

Tomura continues his silent observation of you, barely lifting his chin to acknowledge Compress’ statement.

“I’ll be back this afternoon,” Compress continues, letting out a soft chuckle as he turns on his heel, closing the heavy door behind him.

“You think they’re ok?” You ask, your voice soft.

Tomura removes Father from his face, his long white hair falling around his cheeks. “I told them I trusted in their abilities. It’s not sending the right message if I pester them for intel and their whereabouts every few days. Don’t you start up, too.”

You laugh and hop off the crate, your feet padding you over to him. “I’m not, it’s just...it’s so soon after...I mean, Mange’s death was...”

“Yes. Chisaki is an idiot if he thinks one lackey of his is equal to our Mange. This has to work.”

You lift a hand, pressing your fingers across his jaw, cupping his warm skin. Tomura leans into your touch, his vermilion eyes slipping behind his hooded eyelids.

“It will,” you confirm, pulling him down to your lips.

∩(・ω・)∩

Sorry for the lecture. It was a fun ask to answer! 

Bonus!

[all-things-mlqc]

The five boys react to an overweight MC that works as a nutritionist but struggles a lot to lose weight? It might be strange but it happens sometimes. PLEASE!!! Btw, I love your work❤️

This was really fun to write about. Knowing that these guys are so supportive of MC and want to help her in any way possible with whatever she’s struggling with is just so sweet. 

Thank you for the love and support as well! 😭 I’m usually just memeing it up out here so writing HCs is very new for me but your support helps so much! I did meme a lot while writing this as well because what’s life without memes, so you can find all of my inner thoughts crossed out~ Hope you enjoy!

HC below the cut~

Gavin:

Gavin loves and supports MC through everything. He’s constantly watching and confronts her whenever he believes something is wrong.

After noticing her sulking at herself in the mirror, he asks what’s troubling her.

“Nothing really! You don’t need to worry about me.”

She gives him a small smile and turns away from the mirror.

He figured it had something to do with her figure given the way she was looking at herself.

He remembered her mentioning how even though she’s a nutritionist, she still struggled with her own weight.

She didn’t seem all that down back when mentioning it, but the expression she had in the mirror said otherwise.

He stood up from the sofa and asked if she wanted to go with him during his morning jog.

“Why would you want me to do that? I’d only slow you down.”

Gavin: I don’t mind. If it’ll help, then I’ll do anything I can.

This man isn’t one for small talk. He gets straight to the point. He observes, finds the problem and seeks out a solution. There was no need for MC to confirm his suspicions about wanting to lose weight; It was all in her expression.

“I don’t really want you to go out of your way for me... Besides, it’s important you don’t slack off with your training.”

Gavin: I wouldn’t be slacking off. Training with you would only make me work harder.

A NATURAL ROMANTIC BUT ALSO A FUCKING MORON WHO GAVE HER A BLOOD SOAKED LETTER. IM GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU YA DUMBASS

MC takes up on Gavin’s offer considering how adamant he was. He also didn’t seem concerned in the slightest about MC being a burden BECAUSE SHES LITERALLY THE LIGHT IN HIS LIFE AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER

After they go jogging, they stop for a healthy meal of MCs choice because Gavin doesn’t know what food is. Have you seen his kitchen? INSTA NOODLES EVERYWHERE. Boy is literally the type to throw a lunchables on the dinner table and give thanks for his beloved meal. Omg nononono I’m thinking of all these sad things now about how Gavin was literally homeless for a while as a kid so he probably just got used to eating something small and simple every day. BYE IMMA GO CRY NOW

While eating, Gavin comes up with a few more ideas to help and offers to take her to his gym every other day.

They come up with a plausible schedule that could seem efficient to MC’s wish of losing weight.

This also gives MC the chance to make sure Gavin is taking care of himself as well.

Kiro:

Kiro and MC meet up when he finally has free time and manages to escape from Savin.

Like their normal days together, they end up walking around Loveland City, going to some sightseeing locations. They just enjoy each other’s company.

When stopping to buy a snack, Kiro grabs two bags of chips and beams up at MC only to see her forced smile. He immediately gets concerned given how positive she always is.

Kiro: Are you ok? What’s on your mind?

“No, it’s nothing. I’m just trying to narrow down on the amount of junk food I eat.”

Kiro: Why is that? You’ve always told me to live to the fullest.

“Well... I’m trying to lose some weight but it seems more problematic than I had originally thought.”

With MC looking ashamed of how little progress she has made thus far, Kiro places both bags back on the shelf with a bright smile.

Kiro: Well if we both work together then there’s no chance we could lose this fight! Besides, Savin has been at my throat lately considering the mount of junk food I’ve been eating recently too.

“Kiro...”

MC stared at Kiro, dumbfounded, who seemed so positive. This gave MC a boost of confidence, herself.

She quietly thanked him while giving him a genuine smile.

They spent the whole day doing fun activities. In a way, this was part of Kiro’s plan to help MC. He knew how much this mattered to her so he wanted to keep a smile on her face while secretly help her from the shadows.

It’s honestly what he does best. It’s hard to tell in the game since we don’t get to see every expression he makes or how he reacts to things, but take a good look at his reactions in the anime. You can see how serious he really is behind his happy facade.

He continues to silently help her every time they spend time together as well as send her encouraging texts and reminders.

Nobody is more positive and encouraging than Kiro~

Lucien:

Lucien knows everything nutritionists know, let’s be real. This man was a child prodigy who skipped half of his school life, going straight to college.

He knows EXACTLY what MC needs. The one problem is, so does MC.

She knows what she needs to do but doesn’t have the kind of support she needs. She easily becomes discouraged when things don’t work out after trying so hard.

Luckily, Lucien is also a wonderful supporter minus when he just “what’s a magic? Don’t know em. No thoughts. Head empty. Only science and death”. Uhu then what do you call that flying cop outside the window? Where’s your science behind that? Lucien: “Well you see, there is a certain DNA mutation that—“ DO NOT ANSWER THAT YOU FOOL I KNOW ITS SCIENCE BUT MAGIC IS EASIER TO ACCEPT RN BECAUSE MY BRAIN GO BRRR

But considering it’s MCs health, he is very supportive and even explains that many people struggle with the same problem. There’s not exactly any problem with how someone looks unless it is overall affecting their health for the worse but he will gladly help MC if she wishes to lose weight.

Knowing that Lucien views it this way immediately gives MC more confidence.

An enormous amount of stress has been lifted off her shoulders which will ultimately help her reach her goal.

Lucien comes up with a solid workout plan and diet that is easy for MC to follow and even offers to make her some special meals to help with weight loss because Bill Nye over here has the solution to everything

I also highkey imagined him whispering in her ear like the first day they met that if she follows his plan without any casualties, he would give her special rewards and yes I do mean THOSE kind of rewards because this man is K I N K Y. I don’t even like him, I blame my friend who’s constantly giving me these ideas about him. You’re lucky you’re a bitch or I’d probably be on the floor for you too.

Victor:

Victor’s biggest struggle is vulnerability. He is very blunt and says what comes to his mind without always thinking it through.

Because of this, he upsets MC when talking about her weight.

He meant no harm from whatever he may have said but notices MC’s sorrowful expression after lifting his eyes from the papers on his desk to meet her gaze.

He immediately acknowledges what he had done and puts everything away for the day, offering to take her to Souvenir.

“What..?”

Victor: I’m done for the day. If you don’t have anything else to do, you can come with me.

“But why?”

Victor: You’re still you regardless of your weight, but if it’s something you want to change, I’ll help.

The man wanted to tell her she’s beautiful and amazing no matter what, but hahaha we all know this man can’t compliment for the life of him. Jkjk he can but like I said before, v u l n e r a b i l i t y. He struggles with expressing his true feelings.

MC responds with pure shock on her face,

“Really?? You’d help me?”

Victor: Only an idiot would ask a question like that. You should count on me more when you’re struggling with something like this.

Baka this baka that. If I don’t add it somewhere, than this whole HC isn’t accurate at all. All you thirsty Victor hoes go watch his baka clip if you want more *spray bottles*

He tidies up his desk and grabs his coat, heading towards the door while MC stumbles over her thoughts.

He only stops halfway out the door to look back over his shoulder at MC.

Victor: Well?

“I— I’m coming!”

She rushes over and follows him out the door.

Victor ends up making MC a delicious and healthy meal, one he knows is a special meal for a weight loss diet.

Cooking was never that important to him. He only learned because of the little girl he once knew. But now... Now he has a new reason to continue cooking.

That girl had come back to him and he would do anything in his power to make her happy.

Shaw:

He watches MC intently as she talks about how difficult it is for her.

Right before MC finishes, he places her on his skateboard and takes off without giving her time to protest.

She shouts in fear ofc. Why wouldn’t she. I’m terrified every time the game says he puts mc on his skateboard just—

Shaw chuckles with amusement in her ear and then tells her to push off with her own feet.

“ARE YOU INSANE?” yes, yes he is

Shaw: I won’t let you fall but I won’t stop until you push.

“Fine fine!”

With the help of Shaw keeping her steady, she’s able to smoothly push off the skateboard a few times.

After getting the hang of it, there’s a slight smile taking place of her feared expression from before.

Shaw’s expression, however, doesn’t change in the slightest. That teasing smirk rests on his face as she continues to push them down the park sidewalk.

As they reach the main road, she yells back to Shaw when the skateboard doesn’t slow down.

“Shaw—!”

It’s all she managed to get out as the fear she once had returned again.

MC shut her eyes with panic as the street grew closer and closer, only to feel an arm wrap around her as the cold wind hitting her face dissipated.

When her eyes opened, she saw Shaw giving her the same mocking smirk he always wears. However, his eyes showed signs of gentleness he doesn’t often express.

He offers her one of his skateboards for workout purposes as well as being her workout partner.

MCs chuckles out of amusement from the idea of HER riding a skateboard by herself. totally a reason why Shaw made this offer. He feeds off of entertainment.

She politely declines his offer of skateboarding but hesitantly asks if he would help her in other ways.

The question needs no thought from Shaw but he doesn’t want her to know he made up his mind to help long ago. ah yes, his one weakness as well, vulnerability

Shaw: I suppose being of assistance to you may turn out entertaining.

MC: Is that all I am to you? A source of entertainment?

She pouts at him half jokingly but he pays no mind to it as he kicks up his skateboard and continues walking ahead while suggesting a few things they can do to help with weight loss. Daring but not enough to scare her away. He actually wants to help but needs her to comply with his suggestions

Shaw is the type to help those he cares for without making it obvious. He believes personal relationships is a weakness for someone like him so he always keeps people at arms length; He always wants a possible way out for when he has to push people away.

While this is true, he’s also struggled with vulnerability his whole life. Considering the type of person his father was, growing up with a man like that not only puts pressure on Shaw, but also forms this broken and terrified personality under his overconfident facade.

Someone please just hold this man, he’s trying his best and needs healing

Their solution for MC is to try some fun activities together. Fun enough for MC to believe that Shaw isn’t going out of his way for her but also not as extreme to the point where MC won’t participate.

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Congrats again!!!! This game is so much fun! We talk quite often about random stuff lol, mainly sending supportive memes back and forth! I’m really glad to have befriended you!! You’re wonderful and being a smile to my face every time I see you in my dash or in my notifs, I’m happy others have found your work and see how great you are!

1. jjk male matchup please! Or Haikyuu if you can’t find anyone in jjk that would work with me but only one matchup!

2. Strengths youre making me talk nicely about myself gross I’m hella supportive of others goals and am willing to do what it takes to help them succeed, I can handle emergency situations without panicking (this has honestly come in handy so many times), I’m very flexible when things/life/situations need to be changed. My most used phrase lately is “we’ll make it work” weaknesses I get distracted easily and have trouble focusing. I can be overly sensitive. Im bad about replying to messages in a timely manner without forgetting about them.

3. I spend my days taking care of others. I try to make time 3-4 times a week to lift weights. I spend my evenings reading.

4. 3 things you want in a relationship ~commitment to me and our future, I can’t handle wishy washy feelings ~fun and laughter! ~open good communication. being able to talk about everything is so so so important. 3 things I want in a s/o ~good sense of humor ~good communicator or is at least willing to work on improving communication in between us ~loyalty. I feel like I just said the same things twice? So I’ll add one, must be okay with me getting a pet snake!

5. I collect stickers and pins. I like to crochet, but am not very good. I love trying new recipes. I’m currently looking for a good conchas recipe, but am worried they just won’t be the same. I love the summer and dislike snow.

6. Gojo, yeah yeah he’s hot and I can see us being friends, but I don’t think I could ever have a relationship with him. Also, Tsukishima if you go with hq. He would say something salty, I would be hurt easily and cry. Then I would be petty and try and hurt him. It would be a shit show.

𝙸 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑....

✨ 𝙽𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚒 𝙺𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚘 ✨

I have been on this ship ever since I read your ask okay! I JUST NEED YOU TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO VALUES YOU AND KNOWS HOW TO TREAT YOU!

I 100% think you would bring out the soft side in Nanami, you’ll make him uncover new goals outside of merely surviving. At first, he definitely would be stuck in his usual mindset but what the gorgeous man did not realize is that love can change everything ;-;

Now, I should say that whenever Nanami is not on a mission or busy with his usual work, he is trying to spend as much time as possible with you! Sometimes that means surprising you when you’re at the gym. You’ll be so concentrated on your weights that you won’t notice him arrive, but when you do notice him, you’ll feel more energized because of his presence! Honestly, I can’t say that Nanami is there to work on his own body – mostly he’s there just to steal glances of you because you’re SO DAMN CUTE WHEN CONCENTRATING. Not that he’ll ever admit that tho 😉

Being able to handle emergency situations without panicking is a MUST for someone dating a jujutsu sorcerer! So your “we’ll make it work” personality is going to be perfect whenever unexpected events occur. He’s going to need someone as emotionally strong as you by his side, because let’s be honest, Nanami is not weak hearted. He needs a partner, not a liability. And thankfully you are that! Someone he can rely on and someone he loves!And I know you may be saying, but I can be overly sensitive – that is 100% fine. It’s something he will get used to, and tending to your emotional needs is something he places a focus on. Just not when the world is exploding, ya get my drift?

Your relationship with Nanami would be mostly steady, since you’re both very open about your feelings and obligations. Whenever you’re upset, his goal is to sooth you, and not pry. He knows you’ll open up to him when you’re ready. That being said, he would not leave you alone in times like this. He’d probably whip up some calming tea or beverage and then rub circles against your hand to remind you silently he isn’t going anywhere!

As a side note - special events/days? He will be there by your side - work can wait! 

Imma be honest, when you first tell him that you want a pet snake, he’ll flat out say “no” but when he realizes how important this is to you… he’ll sigh and give in. who is he to keep you from your happiness??

Even if you’re not the best at crochet, if you made him something, this man WOULD SEE ERROR SIGNS. Because HELLO??? You made him something?? He would 100% wear it, especially if it’s a scarf. And if Gojo even thinks of making a remark HE WILL P A Y

What he loves is that you’re someone who takes care of others, and so while you take care of others, he makes it his goal to take care of you! Especially if you get sick, he will take care of everything. And since he’s actually a reliable partner, you’re able to sleep well knowing everything will not turn to shit.

The only thing is… the good sense of humour, it will take him time to loosen up. Pls be patient. Your personality will rub off on him! BUT until then, you can take some relief in the small smiles he gives you whenever something funny happens. 

Small drabble 

“What are you holding?” Pressing your lips together, you analyzed the large basket within his grasp. A variety of holiday themed items could be seen through the transparent wrapping that was secured around it. The sight brought your eyebrows to raise questiongly at your partner, as you fought off the smile pushing to reach your lips. 

“Do you not like it?” The question was posed in a hesitant manner. It was clear he was now internally re-evaluating his decision. Yuji had selected this particular basket with him at the store, and guaranteed that you would like it. Nanami’s only goal was to provide you with a pleasant surprise - did he really screw up that badly? 

“I love it.” You were quick to notice his troubled state, and in order to eliminate his concerns, you proceeded closer to him before pressing a kiss of gratitude against his cheek. The blonde male nodded in response, but there was no hiding his satisfaction with your answer. 

Mission accomplished. 

“I’ll go put it on the table. It can be our centerpiece!” After accepting the gift basket, you took a step away from him, while smiling down at the bright bow attached to the plastic. But before you could leave, Nanami snuck an arm around your waist, tugging you back towards him. In the spirit of being spontaneous, he pressed a kiss against your head, prior to sighing out “I love you” softly. 

For you, he would do anything. Even trying his hand at “romantic” gestures. 

A/N: LAURA. I hope you like this <3 THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET AND SUPPORTING ME! also I would never set you up with that salty ass fry from Karasuno. you deserve 1000000000000 times more! 

[imagine-wannaone]

Park Jihoon Vampire Au

Word count: 3.3k

This was a request for a Jihoon Vampire au and rlly loved writing this so yanno, I’d love to write a vamp au for another member as well ;) Also I had no idea how to make a lil header for this one so I didn’t?? Sorry about that, I’d ask Otter admin but like she seems busy lately so whoops

Things crossed out - Commentary from me

Things in bold - Commentary from Editor Katie

Things in italic - Commentary from Otter Admin because she’s special

OG Admin

• Your school wasn't exactly known for being an accepting place for vamps, (no shit sherlock) • I mean they survived there, sure, but you couldn't say they were widely accepted, so they tried to stay within their own groups and the majority of them caused no trouble, • You didn't quite understand the prejudice towards them, like yeah they could be very dangerous, but all of the ones that attended school showed no signs of being the corrupt, evil type, • But there was one vampire in particular, whenever anyone said anything it really made you angry, • He looked soft and kind, he never did anything that could cause any conflict, he was clever and gentle, and definitely very pretty, • And shy, • You'd smiled at him in the corridors before, to which he'd avoided eye contact, • Or you'd say hi if waiting nearby, or try to chat if you sat near each other in class, to which he'd turn away with a light blush on his ghostly pale skin, • (Legit Editor Katie tho she pale af) • You just wanted to be nice, but it upset you - the thought you made him uncomfortable, • Or maybe he wasn't shy, as most of the vamps at school acted this way towards you, and you were pretty sure it was because they were afraid you'd bring trouble, like most other humans, • You understood of course, but it didn't stop your simple smiles in the corridors, • But you're walking down the halls with some friends towards a geography class, • Gotta learn about some rivers amiright, (Moana is quaking) • But you hear shouting from down the corridor which makes your blood change to cold, • "-You dirty bloodsucking parasites need to stay in the night where God doesn't have to look at you," • Wow you're off to start a fight (งツ)ว • lmao a verbal one, physical fights are stupid,  • You approach from behind, spotting the guy that has Jihoon himself in a corner, looking down nervously, like he wanted to be anywhere but there, • "You're such a weak, bigoted blood bag," • You march right in there, shoving the guys shoulder back to stand next to Jihoon, the blood gushing through your ears, threatening to deafen you, • The boy has too much silver jewellery and a cross around his neck and you want to scoff, • Why make so much effort just to make someone uncomfortable? What's the point? • "You're always picking on vamps when, what? What did Jihoon do to trigger you? Simply walked past? Is your self control honestly so nonexistent you can't even keep your disgusting thoughts to yourself? You should work on that," • Wow the words just tumbling out what to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (-me to them peeps calling daehwi gay/greedy) • You didn’t think them through, and they're not what you'd imagined saying in the scenario you ran through your head every single time this happened, • But they're enough to make the brute stare at you in disbelief as you grab Jihoon's hand, still in a rage, and march him the hell outta there • Your adrenaline is running because you've finally done it, done what you'd always wanted to do • What someone (or everyone, really) should have done a long time ago, • You go to lead Jihoon outside but then realize there's only so much sun cream can do, so change direction to the school’s theater, where you know there's no lessons so it'll be dark • "Hey are you okay?" • You spin around to face him once you've arrived alone in the theater lobby, but you can't see him well in the gloom • You wonder how bad a vamp’s eyesight is in the day, if it's this bad and they just rely on their other senses • "You shouldn't have done that, they're going to pick on you as well now," • His quite voice is concerned and wary, it makes your heart ache • You head over to where the seats are probably are and successfully sit on one, not falling over in the dark • "Let them try," • You believe it • You may be known for being nice, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a sharp tongue and a strong passion • If people started to distance themselves from you now, you'd know who your true friends were • And you were definitely prepared to use your language, maybe even a few other ones as well, to make sure people knew you didn't give a shit about their prejudice opinions • And you definitely weren't going to let it stand anymore • Jihoon's quiet as he thinks over what you say, within the blink of an eye you can feel his cold presence sat near you • He doesn't quite understand you • Not at all • He doesn't understand why you stood up for him, what you have to gain, why you'd make yourself a target • Why someone he'd always viewed as so soft and kind, someone he tried to stay away from as to no be misfortune to, would voluntarily come to save him from an idiot in the hallway • He'd bite back, but he doesn't want the reputation of vampires to decrease even more, and he doesn't exactly see how it'd help, so he stays silent and resolute • But that confrontation is the beginning of a whole new life for you • A lot of your 'friends' started to distance themselves from you, or straight up told you they thought you were an idiot • Like it hurt, sure, but you stood by the fact that you were sick of the inequality, • You started to walk to classes more with Jihoon, your timetables startlingly similar • Not only because you could defend him easily when you're with him, but with your dwindling number of friends, you didn't have many other people to walk with • Not that you minded as much, you were glad you'd gotten rid of toxic people and were left with true friends

• Y'all 2k18 the year to get rid of toxic friendships (I should know rip) (-mood) • But one night it's like 2am and you're like???? I want to be free, go for a walk and buy some chocolate raisins because living on edge is fun • So that's exactly what you go to do • And you're walking back to your house in pitch black, feeling spooky™ and actually regretting your independence because something feels really off • Yeah I think we all know where this is going • You spot a pale, tall figure (everyone’s tall to u bro) behind you through a closed shop window, you instantly know it's a vamp (I’m 5′0″ legit I’m dying down here) • And you can hear them walking behind you, which means they're close because vampires are known for sneaking • And you will your heart beat to come down because you're 100% sure he can hear it and probably smell it • And you're just figuring out what to do as you speed walk down the street, • You can't run, vampires are speedy and they have better vision, you can't fight; they're stronger than humans • You're just about to start screaming when an icy hand wraps around your wrist, and you start to turn around to fight back, because what more can ya do, when you recognise the cologne, the height, the hair (I remember everyone’s height because they’re aLL TALLER THAN ME) • Wow Jihoon knows when to drop in, • He's gripped your wrist to make sure you stay behind him as he growls (exo is quakin), a terrifying hiss you'd never associate with someone as soft as Jihoon, at the dangerous stalker you had acquired  • Despite this, the feral vamp still lunges, dark sunken eyes focused onto you, almost oblivious of Jihoon • You guess he's hungry, and would feel bad if he wasn't making an attempt on your life • But I guess your own will to live outweighs your ability for sympathy, • (Can't relate) • But Jihoon skilfully spins you away before catching the attacker and basically throwing that bitch into a wall like shit man he got that pOwER • (By EXO is a bop), • You're shook because Jihoon, don't kill the already undead lil shit pls have some manners  • But then he grabs your hand and quickly leads you away like bruh slow down I'm only human, • "I'm so so sorry y/n, are you okay? Why are you out so late?" • You laugh at him as he stops you in a shadow of the already dark night, and wrap your arms around his shoulders tightly, • He's tense at first because human contact?? Why aren't u afraid imma drink your blood god dammit??? •And Jihoon can hear your blood and he's trying so hard not to smell it because you're in his arms and it'd be too easy, too evil (oh nonononono jeojang you ain’t gettin none of my blood) • But he wraps his arms loosely around you and sighs, calming himself down from the rage he felt when he'd seen you in imminent danger • Because this person protects him with everything they have in the day and damn if he wasn't going to finally return the favor • "Why sorry, Jihoon, you just saved my life, god, thank you so much," • You jump back and beam at him because nothing in your whole language can tell him how much you love him in that moment • "It's a vampire, he shouldn't have done that, I'm just sorry," • You can't stand the way Jihoon looks, ashamed and disappointed, • "Don't be stupid, it's not your fault, there are feral people in every race," (-me to haters) • Jihoon's dark eyes stare into yours for a second; you feel as if you're being weighed up, but you stare back, letting him run through whatever thought process he's going through • "You should be careful when you’re out so late, there's too many people like that," • He softens instantly, running his eyes across you, checking to see if you're still in one piece, a hand subconsciously running through your hair, and tilting your head side to side to check the veins in your neck were untouched • The cold of his hands tickle, and the sensation sends tingles down your spine but you don't say anything, just wait till he's done and hold up your bag from the shop • He sighs with a smile, he gently places his hand in between your shoulder blades, pushing forward carefully as the two of you begin walking • "Let's get you home," • Honestly after that night you're shook at how different Jihoon was • In school he's quiet and polite, keeping to himself • But damn this Jihoon almost body slammed someone and talked with utter confidence in his element (i mean have you seen his bice-nope not getting wrekt today bitches) • You loved it tbh the real boy was showing and you were his no.1 fan • You find yourself walking home together the next day, you don't live that close but his house is sort of on the way to yours so it works • And you don't want anyone to pick on him in the daylight when he's alone because some people are absolute jerks • You hold your umbrella high to cover mainly Jihoon as the sun lies in the sky; again, there's only so much incredibly strong sun cream made for vampires can do, and you know the sun still stung, so you bought along your very handy, black umbrella for protection • Jihoon smiled at you when you first brought it out, and you let it make your stomach flip • "You know, I was thinking," • His voice is quiet, soft, weaker, as it always is in the day, and you raise your eyebrows questioningly, to which he huffed at you • "I think you should give me your phone number," • Wow you legit choke • Jihoon takes the umbrella carefully from your arm so you don't have to hold it so high for him, smiling softly at you • "You're a very straightforward guy, let me tell you that," • He laughs at that as you pass him your phone • "You like to go out at night right? Like some freedom? Since you stick up for me at school, I think whenever you want to go out, call me. I'll accompany you and fight off any bad guys," • "Maybe I'll take you up on that," • You swipe your phone back after he’s texted you and pinch his cool cheek making a light blush appear • "Honestly though, please call whenever you want, I'm always awake at night because of the whole, yanno, vamp thing, and I'd like to-" • " Y/n, Jihoon!" • One of your close friends call, running across the road towards the two of you, cutting him off • You're on edge because like??? What would he like to do???? But your friend has good intentions as they join the two of you and happily chat, and you decide you'll just have to leave it a mystery • But from then on you two are honestly your own tiny squad • Jihoon becomes more open with you, more talkative at school and happier whenever you're near, sitting with his vampire friends but sometimes joining you as well • Because he's now more confident that this isn't just a one sided friendship, that he takes and you give, but he now knows he can help you as well and it lifts his non beating heart • And you're not, by nature, supposed to be a nocturnal animal but you swear you're turning into one • You always sleep as soon as you get home from school and spend your nights walking around at night with Jihoon, chatting and relishing in the silence of the darkness and the secrets the stars hold • Your secrets; you've told them how he makes your arms tingle and heart race and how you'd protect him with not only your voice, even though you know he probably doesn't need to be protected • (Ofc he does, even strong ass people need to be protected sometimes, y'all let yourself be soft) • But honestly you're so glad you snapped that day in the corridor • "Okay but what if you're totally evil after all and you're just lulling me into your lair?” • You question isn't invalid, Jihoon has your hand in his chilly one, but it's nice in the summer air, • It's pitch black, possibly 12 or 1 A.M, and Jihoon is leading you through a nearby park, you can feel shrubbery around you but you have no idea what's happening • "Do you honestly trust me so little?" • Jihoon's super speed surprises you all of the time, so when he suddenly wraps his arms around your shoulder and whispers to your ear when he was leading in front 0.28472 seconds ago you're definitely shook • He lowers his voice in an imitation to scare you but it only makes you crack up • You laugh and push forward, spinning around so he can see your face, even though you can't see him properly, only a faint white glow • You sense him sitting down, and he tugs your hand so you can join him, knees bumping together • "What can I say, I bet my blood taste great," • He chokes a laugh at that, which makes your head snap to where you know he is • "What are you laughing at? You think my blood taste bad? Are you insulting me Park Jihoon?" • Your mock offence makes him laugh again, and that sound is the only fuel you'll ever need again, you feel like you could live off it, the ring of this vampires laugh • "Quite the opposite, you don't know how tempting it is," • I mean this could make things awkward, but it's you and Jihoon, so you giggle and take it as a compliment, you know he'd never do something like that without permission • "Well maybe one day, Mr. Park, when you've fought off a gang of evil vampires and forgotten to drink your bag of animal blood for breakfast, I'll let you," • He hums at that and looks to the stars, and you take up tracing the dark veins that weave across his bare arms, wondering how it all works, how vampires work, how they live, how people live with such hate built in their hearts towards those who are different • "Why did you do it, that day? Why did you shout for me?" • You, in turn, hum at this, and send him a smile • "You obviously weren't going to, and I was sick of the meaningless hate you got," • You state your thoughts as they are, not altering them, you'd never had to alter them for your vampire friend, so why now • "You have no idea how hot that makes you," (smooth, fam) • Wow Jihoon has a talent for making you choke on your breath, because once again his straight forward words make you blush a deep ruby • It seems Jihoon wasn't going to change his thoughts for you either • "Pardon me?" • You raise your eyebrows at him with a smile, playing laid back even though you know he can hear your heartbeat speeding up • Like jeez wow you can't hide anything • "The way you didn't care; you didn't care and you still don’t. You don't care that people call you a rat, carrying a parasite, or whatever. You were brave, because you didn't like the inequality and the fact you think outside of the box and do whatever you can just to make me feel more...more included. Just how you stand for what you believe, that's pretty beautiful" • It isn't exactly poetry, and it doesn't get across how Jihoon feels to the extent he wants it to, but you understand the message, and that's all that matters honestly • "It's what you deserve, Jihoon," • His dark eyes stare at you then, closer than you remember • "You think? You think I deserve something so wonderful?" • "I know, silly, I don't only think," • He goes silent again at that, tracing patterns with his cold hands onto your palm • You can guess what he's thinking • All through his school life he's been told he was dirt and an inconvenience, an insect, (a stuck-up half witter scruffy-looking nerf-herder,) • So when someone finally tells him he's worth something? He deserves something good? • He's stumped, and you know he's trying to get his head around it • "Y/n, I'm trying not to kiss you right now," • Bitch okay he may be thinking that as well • "As long as you promise not to lose your head and try to drain me of my blood, then I think there's no reason in trying not to, if I'm being honest," • His eyes b u r n like shit that's intense okay • His spare hand, the one not constantly drawing patterns onto your arm, the same steady cold as they always had been, moves to rest on the back of your neck • It makes your hair stand up and goose-bumps to jump and run along your neck • "I can't say I can promise anything," • His voice is soft again before he presses his lips to yours, gentle as he always had been with you, and it makes your head spin wildly • Your hands jump up his spine in a dance of emotion and tangle into his dark hair • Jihoon is just lost in your warmth, the warmth of your heart and the warmth of your hands and lips • The two of you gaze at the sky later, making promises and telling truths you thought only the sky would ever know • You've never felt as if someone else could make you feel like one, whole, but with a cold hand encircling yours, your head resting on his soft stomach, no words have ever made more sense to you

[enkelimagnus]

Field Gear

Bucky Barnes Gen, 1501 words, rated T for Hydra shit

Jewish Bucky Barnes, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Episode 2 The Star-Spangled Man

In the plane ride back from Germany, Bucky has some thoughts, and him and Sam have a conversation.

The answer to the huge question "where did Bucky get that new superhero costume" is finally answered.

TW: torture as punishment (including mention of waterboarding)

Read on AO3

Part 17 of Making a Home - the Jewish Bucky series

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The flight to Munich was quiet and heavy with what Bucky had let fester while he hid his head in the Brooklyn sand, with his anger and frustration at Sam’s decision and what it had led to, with Sam’s answered emotions at the way Bucky had expressed those things.

Bucky had taken a small amount of satisfaction at the look on Sam’s face, closed off and upset. Finally thinking about what he’d done.

The flight back to the states is a thousand times worse.

Bucky’s head is so filled with thoughts and feelings that it feels empty. He can’t vocalize any of them. They’re just there, taking space and he just stares into the void, still dressed in the field gear Sam unexpectedly pulled out of his bag a few hours into the first flight.

Sam’s taking off his own gear now. Bucky’s eyes find themselves on his back as he pulls his civilian pants on.

“Why did you have stuff for me?” Bucky blurts out then.

Sam turns around, sending him a tired and Really, that's what you want to talk about? look. Bucky doesn’t say anything, doesn’t shrug, just waits for an answer. He’s tired too, actually. Really tired. He hasn’t had a full-on fight since the Battle. Let alone a fight against people of similar strength than him.

Sam sighs heavily, pulls his grey shirt over his head, shoves his feet in his boots and walks over to the other side of the plane, on the red benches across from the ones Bucky is sitting at. Bucky’s eyes follow him. He sits down heavily.

They stay in that silence for a moment, until Sam realizes that Bucky’s actually waiting for an answer. A look of long suffering frustration passes over his face for a short moment. Bucky catches it, because he’s used to watching people. Sam’s not the type of guy Bucky would worry about pissing off, but he can’t turn off the part of his brain that watches.

“Been holding onto it since your trial,” Sam starts after a moment. Bucky keeps staring at him. He would raise an eyebrow if he wasn’t too tired to put effort into facial motions. “While you were at the Raft, Pepper outfitted the ones of us that still wanted a part in the fight with new gear. I got a new set of wings. And they made you new field gear. The jacket’s leather, but specially treated, and there’s a bulletproof microlayer in the lining. She gave it to me because no one else really knew who the fuck you were. And then you ignored my texts for three months.”

Bucky runs his flesh hand on the blue leather for a second and nods. “Thank her for me, I guess.” He stands up and walks over to where he stashed his civvies. “Imma let you keep it, then, since you’ve been doing such a good job. Unless you’re gonna give it to the Smithsonian. Don’t want some random white dude from Alabama to start calling himself the new Winter Soldier.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, man.”

They fall silent again while Bucky takes his gear off. He has to admit it’s very nice stuff. The jacket itself is pretty, nicely cut, and the sleeve was easy enough to rip off. He takes a second to look at the shoulder, where he’s sure to see ripped fabric, but there’s little to nothing. It was supposed to come off, if he pulled hard enough on it. He’s pretty sure someone might be able to sew it back on easily. Smart.

The suspenders are a little much, but he enjoyed the pants not falling down as he fought. The boots are fucking amazing. He’s missed the luxury of custom field footwear.

After a moment, once he’s back in his jeans and henley, he sits back down in the silence. Sam is purposefully looking away from him. Fine. Whatever. Plenty of time for Bucky’s thoughts to circle back to the disastrous fucking day.

There’s eight new supersoldiers.

The type of strength they displayed is unmistakably the one born from the serum, the one Bucky is intimately familiar with.

Eight supersoldiers is more than there has ever been alive at the same time, as far as Bucky knows. Even when Hydra was developing the Program, only 5 candidates made it through the process. Eight supersoldiers, working for a pseudo-anarchist movement, or whatever the FlagSmashers are, with some sort of combat training. It’s all kinds of bad.

Even worse: they’re kids. All of them are in their twenties or less. They’re the kind of idealistic teenagers who would let themselves be experimented on if it meant being able to fight harder for the cause. Like Steve, or Wanda Maximoff.

Bucky knew they would lose the fight against them, even with Walker intervening. He was pulling his punches. They’re kids. He let them grab him, he let them hold him and punch him. He let them win the fight because they’re kids. He doesn’t make the habit of fighting with his full strength against kids.

Even if they’re super soldiers.

It was the first time he fought a super soldier of his own volition.

It was the first time he had enough control over his actions to pull his punches. Before that, it was all orders. Kill, maim, destroy. Assasination targets, enemy combatants crossing his path of doom, those he was made to train in Siberia.

Those eight were obviously not puppeted by anyone. They weren’t the new Winter Soldiers, made by the remnants of Hydra, no. They were independent agents with wills. The smile on the girl’s face when he thought she was a hostage made it incredibly clear.

They’re more Steve than they’re Bucky.

And that’s terrifying.

“They were kids,” Bucky says quietly. For a second, he thinks Sam might not have heard him, with the noise of the engine and the rattling of the cargo plane.

“Yeah,” Sam replies. “They were kids. And supersoldiers.”

“No master,” Bucky mutters. Sam winces at the terminology but doesn’t correct him. There’s no one holding these attack dogs’ leashes, and he knows that too. “We need to know where it comes from. We need to get there before Walker.”

He has absolutely no trust that the new serum, if it exists in quantities large enough, won’t be used by the US military if they get their hands on it. It wouldn’t be the first time they tried to get the same shiny toy as their adversaries in the shape of a super soldier.

Bucky remembers Isaiah Bradley well, now that he has access to these memories. He remembers the bar in Goyang, the face of a young black soldier, the sudden jolt of fear and surprise that had run through him as he realized the soldier was strong enough to hold his own against him. He remembers the tables and chairs destroyed and the large missing piece on his arm, titanium plates torn off, blood seeping in between the circuits and cables.

He remembers the punishment for his first failure, and the punishment for damaging the arm Hydra had gifted him. Electric current running through him, knives slashing and digging into his body, the wet cloth on his face and the water they poured on it, the hands on him, carrying him from one torture implement to the other once he stopped being able to stand or walk properly.

The kind of pain that could never be forgotten, no matter how many times they wiped him in the decades to come. That first big punishment stayed with him. It still is with him. He still dreams of it on particularly terrible nights.

“Walker’s just gonna track us and wait for us once we’re done,” Sam mutters.

“He’s government. Of course he’s gonna do that. But at least there’s no Redwing for them to track anymore.” He adds, and there’s a hint of something softer in this voice.

“Shut up, Buck.” Sam’s got a hint of that too. They’re too tired to be aggressively pissed at each other anymore.

Bucky still can’t believe he heard those two idiots singing the praises of the GRC. Captain America and Battlestar, government agents, tasked with keeping resistance networks from forming. Fucking hell. It all feels like a bad parody. No matter what Bucky believes about the FlagSmashers - there isn’t much there -, Captain America isn’t… anti resistance.

It’s not exactly hacking. It’s government property. We’re kinda the government.

Bucky feels like he’s in a chokehold as he sits on the strapped-down supplies in the middle of the cargo hold.

He should have told Steve to stay. Walker would still be a random decorated asshole they’d have to make small talk to at big army functions both of them would hate. He would probably still be a groupie for the shield, but it would be better. So much better than this.

At least Walker didn’t have the serum coursing through him. Small mercies.