#being so lonely and ostracized that you decide it’s better that way that you like it that way that you dont need friends you dont even want

[crimeboys]

anyone else thinking about ben hanscom

[thatbitchery]

Ladies to achieve anything worthwhile in this life you have to get very comfortable with the idea of embarrassment ,disappointment, resistance and ostracization from your current environment.

When you start out posting on socials, your current friends, family, classmates, and neighbors will laugh at you. They'll call you pretentious and put you down every step you take. Online trolls will call you a wannabe and put you down and compare you to others. You'll deal with six likes on a post that took you hours to perfect. When you get your first brand deal, it'll be as low value as it gets.Then there will be all the virtue signaling and getting canceled and character anhiliation that comes with projected envy. When you start that business, your friends will expect discounts and debt and cut you off for not giving them one. When you start getting successful, they'll feel entitled to your success and hate on you for not crediting them to it. When you decide to leave the country, your own parents will come at you from angles higher than 360°. When you decide to dress better and sit upright and smell nice, your current friend group that's used to low balling you will have a group chat called 'lmaoo she looks so stupid'.

This is the price of success. Success is lonely. Its hard work and being underestimated. It's losing best friends and rifts in your family. You'll shower in tears and triple guess every decision you've taken. Success is uncomfortable and slow, and it will cost you friendships and relationships, and comfort.

If you can't stomach this, don't try. If you can't imagine not being friends with your current friends or your own family backbiting and badmouthing you at family gatherings and your cousins laughing at you and ex classmates from 2014 trolling your work stay where you are.

If you decide to chase your dreams understand you'll be running solo. Understand your mom and bf and bestie said 'I'll support you through everything ' to be polite and they might even have meant it but the second you start showing up as a different person than what they're comfortable with there will be resistance and be ready to work through it with them while staying true to your goals.

If you choose the success way forget the romanticized success stories. It's gruesome . It's survival only for the fittest, and either go big or go home mediocre, there is no mid point.

Website

[analyticalstarz]

I think we should talk about Leo/Need more

During middle school, Ichika had to deal with Saki being hospitalized then having a falling out with Honami and Shiho directly after due to Shiho and Honami both becoming victims of bullying and not wanting to drag Ichika down with them. Ichika didn't even get an explanation as to why Honami and Shiho were leaving her either, she just got told "I don't want to be your friend anymore." and it got left at that. Even though Ichika still attempted to reach out, she got little in response and became extremely lonely as a result. Ichika blamed herself for the groups falling out and carried a lot of guilt about it for years; she felt listless and empty. She felt even guiltier since she was hiding the fact from Saki, who was already lonely and isolated enough as it was due to being hospitalized. Ichika spent 2 years all alone, no other friends, trying to get Shiho and Honami to talk to her, but all her efforts were fruitless. All she wanted were her childhood friends back During middle school, Honami was a big people-pleaser due to the overwhelming fear of being hated by other people. She was bullied because she had the tendency to befriend and show sympathy for people in different friend groups and avoided picking sides, to the point that she was accused of sucking up to others to avoid being hated and was called two-faced. She was treated as an outcast in her class. Once the next school year rolled around, she was afraid of being bullied again by her new classmates and only hung out with a small group of people, and subsequently, she started avoided Ichika and Shiho. Even after she started hanging out with that small group of people, Honami became wary that she'd be ostracized and hated all over again if she even made one small mistake. In one of Kanade's side stories, Honami admitted that she had the desire to "disappear" before. During middle school, Shiho preferred solitude and being by herself. She'd reject her classmates invitations to hang out, and ultimately, people started talking bad about her due to her aloof demeanor. Shiho didn't mind the gossip or rumors, but once people started talking bad about Ichika as well by default since she hung out with Shiho, Shiho pushed Ichika away and distanced herself from her in order to protect her. Since Honami was being bullied as well during that time, the two gradually grew apart once they both decided to stop interacting with the friend group. Shiho was in the light music club during middle school, and got frustrated due to the members lack of work and dedication. Once she brought it up, the club got into an argument which subsequently caused them to split up, only further worsening Shiho's reputation. She didn't mean to hurt either Ichika or Honami, all she wanted to do was protect them from getting hurt by her bad reputation. During middle school, Saki was hospitalized all throughout the duration of it due to her weak body and chronic illness. She was bedridden for days on end, and was extremely isolated and lonely. She questioned why she was the way she was, and was extremely jealous of people who could experience life normally. She never got to experience things like playing tennis, travelling or even going to school due to her poor health. Outside of immediate family, Ichika was the only one to visit her in the hospital, which she deeply appreciated. Whenever anyone visited her, Saki put on a brave face and smile so she wouldn't further upset anybody, despite how empty and hurt she was deep down inside. She'd spend her days crying without anyone there to comfort her, and often worried that she'd never get better. While in the hospital, she was completely oblivious to the groups falling out since nobody ever told her, and she only realized after being discharged from the hospital. Instead of making fun of Leo/Need for not being the most visually striking and having "boring" personalities, I think you should actually read their group stories, cause all of their lore is really interesting

[ravenwitch45]

Hey! I’ve been obsessed with Crimson since the latest HB episode dropped and I’ve been reading all the x readers I can find and I just found your page. Could I request Hcs for a lonely/outcast s/o please :))? Thanks so much!

I truly did not expect such love for this guy but glad you like my stuff. Sure thing! Coming Right Up!

Crimson with an SO who's an Outcast/Lonely a lot of the time.

Hell was Hell, so of course it had it's fair share of outcasts that were ostracized for usually bullshit reasons. And to some Crimson could be seen as one, being an Imp and all.

While the disrespect was annoying Crimson saw the ways he could use it. Outcasts were more vulnerable and often bitter, perfect as recruits and otherwise as long as they stuck to their buisness, he'd stick to his.

So when one of these so called outcasts stomped into his office so quickly even his guards were caught off guard. And so was he.

You weren't armed so he gave you the time of day to listen why you were here, as he was honestly curious. Turns out you were a friend of one of his men, and came here to inquire of his whereabouts after not hearing anything for a few days.

Unfortunately he had perished in a shootout, and Crimson gave you the half truth of him being killed while working as security, a ruse he often used when outsiders inquired into his buisness.

This essentially gave him a front row seat to you breaking down and blowing up, ranting at him for not informing his loved ones, info of your friends burial and the like and particularly yelling at him for not even showing any emotion when telling you that your late friend, who was pratically all you had was gone forever.

Usually he would have anyone who got testy with him dragged away but he called his guards off, explaining to himself that it as too much effort when you knew nothing, but internally impressed with your attitude and bravado for berating him in his own home.

Eventually the angry ranting turned more to lament over your loss, and you took your leave, wiping tears out of your eyes as you walked out.

Over the next few weeks Crimson found himself oddly thinking of you, and no matter what he tried, his mind wandered to the memory of your short encounter, to the point he would daydream while he was supposed to be working.

He reluctantly decided to try to get some closure (Why he needed it, only Mammon knows why.) SO he found you, which was easy in his line of work and decided to surprise you.

Well imagine your surprise finding that guy you yelled at at your door with a bouquet of black roses as an apolgy.

He admitted that he could have handled the whole thing better, and should have taken feelings into consideration. Your suspicous, but with little energy you let him inside, taking the roses, fondling the dark petals somberly.

He notes how much your late friend must have meant to you, you explaining that he had been the only one to stand by you no matter what, even after your family disowned you and such.

Crimson briefly thinks of his own family but his attention is drawn back to you when you say your all alone now, admitting how much a mess you have been ever since your mourning began, trouble sleeping, eating and exercising. Noone stopping you as you haven't seen another soul since you first spoke with Crimson

And all that makes Crimson make the most spontaneous decision he has in years. Offering you to stay with him, internally cursing as he assures you'll be cared for.

Your even more supiscous now, but with little in way of better idea or prior engagements, you'll say you'll try it if it's free.

So you start living with him, Crimson always making sure someone is with you as you peruse the Manor, Your given room and bath being your only real privacy but you don't mind, it's nice to feel like someone is looking out for you again.

Crimson despite being often busy, tries to see you every day to check how your faring under his hospitality. Happy your doing better, looking better as your sleeping better again too.

Eventually, long after you could really call your stay a trial run, you ask him why he took in essentially a stranger. He for once gives you the whole truth, that it was multiple reasons he's come to realize, he felt bad for you, feeling partially responsible for your plight, and admitting part of it was that you just seemed interesting to him.

You tease him on what kind of interest it was, earning a blush and making him stammer, before fully silencing him with a peck to the cheek.

While you don't feel alone anymore, you wouldn't mind 'being alone with him' in your room in the evening, which he is very much down for, whatever you mean by that.

I am SO sorry that this turned out so long! XP I just had an idea and it just turned out long to get all I wanted into this. Either way I hope you enjoyed it, can't believe I've done four of these now XD

[sepublic]

            Per my last post, you think Luz ever feared and/or struggled with the accusation, direct or overheard, that people thought she was ‘not like other girls’, that Luz just wanted to be treated like the most special person in the world and was angry she was just like everyone else? And the frustration of No, I’m not demanding to be the most unique person ever, it’s not like Luz chose to be different! It’s not like she ever wanted to be! 

           And she’s not pretending she’s secretly better than everyone else, secretly better than other girls, but at the same Luz DOES feel different and ostracized, frustrated even that people don’t feel the same way or care! Luz isn’t making this up, she doesn’t have a victim complex, does she?

         But Luz isn’t socially experienced enough to put it into the right words what she needs to defend herself, to realize the difference to herself, so she wonders maybe they’re right! Maybe I am just some try-hard poser who wants to be cool, who’s just bitter she’s merely average and uninteresting! Luz thinks, maybe I am just a self-pitying nobody who should know my place, and stop acting like some sort of victimized underdog hero while everyone is else is an NPC; Someone entitled to special treatment despite doing nothing to deserve it, blaming and taking it all out on everyone else!

         When Eda gave that speech to Luz, mentioned that everyone wants to believe they’re special, but in the end you really have to work for that thing. I wonder if it really hurt for an additional reason, even if Luz appreciated and found some hope in the advice. If Luz thought those words low-key vindicated how others dismissed Luz and her struggles as her just wanting to be ‘quirky’ or whatever. And she really wants to say she’s not like that, she’s not this envious and selfish person people claim her to be, but what if Luz is? What if she is a freak and a weirdo, Luz barely knows who she is right now, much less who she wants to be!

         And it all just plays into that core desire, that fundamental wish to be understood. For people to not misinterpret Luz in bad faith, to treat her struggle as real and care enough to find out. To know that Luz’s issue isn’t from entitlement, but from a real and profound loneliness that was legitimately cast upon her by others; Luz didn’t choose to be ‘special’, all she did was embrace that to cope with being different, as everyone else decided for her! Luz just wants to be taken seriously, both her wish and her struggles, and not be downplayed, demonized even, as some kid with delusions of grandeur.

         (It’s always the people who aren’t something that are gaslit into thinking they are; While those who never meaningfully considered themselves that most certainly are, yet aren’t called out for and/or admit to themselves as being the very archetype they perpetuate, the one others hold themselves back over for fear of becoming.)

         Like sure, back in the day Luz wouldn’t have turned down being a special Chosen One either, but there was more to Luz than that, rather than this limiting, shallow stereotype; That’s not who she is, Luz just wants people to understand what she really wants and is struggling with! It’s not that Luz necessarily wants to be the coolest, most unique and special person in the world, she just… wants to belong and be told that her existence isn’t a lonely abnormality, while still having meaning! That’s all!

        So it feels so good and so right to be told; I know who you are, I recognize and see you. You’re not the freak people claim you are, nor are you the bitter and entitled brat they jeer you as. You’re not making anything up, your struggles are real and valid. You’re valid. Luz doesn’t want to be better than everyone else, just worth something, anything at all. And for so many people, in her life and in real life, she’s everything to them.

[roleplay-abiogenesis2]

[Surprise Uno Reverse! >:3c Would you be willing to share more details with Cyno's connection to Hermanubis?]

//Always a pleasure to talk headcanons~ Thanks for sending this! Ilu A~

Most of this, I've covered in previous headcanon posts (including my main headcanons on Hermanubis post here) but it never hurts to go over it again and maybe shape up some details.

Do keep in mind that this is mostly headcanons and, because I like to be canon compliant, may be subject to change as we get more aspects confirmed on Cyno's past in future updates.

With this disclaimer said...

There are different takes on how early in his life Cyno came into contact with Hermanubis. I have settled my choice for his middle teens, based mostly on the knowledge that the incident occurred coincidentally during the two years in which Lisa studied at the Akademiya. We know Lisa graduated less than 4 years before the beginning of Genshin impact, so the time she met Cyno (and Cyrus took him under his wing) shouldn't have occurred earlier than 5-6 years ago, when Cyno (if the unconfirmed age guesstimations are correct, putting him at 18-20 by the beginning of the game) was about 12-15yo.

Before this, I write Cyno as having lived a relatively lonely life, both as a desert dweller and as an Akademiya student (which I typically headcanon his birth family to have boarded him for by age 9-11. I know some prefer to think he was an orphan and did not join the Akademiya until Cyrus took him in, but there is no real confirmation on this); being ostracized and distrusted by the other scholars, he kept to himself and bounced from a Darshan to the other without a real direction.

One thing Cyno excelled at was exploring tombs, which allowed him to delve deeper into dangerous and typically forbidden areas. This eventually caught the attention of senior scholars, who decided to exploit his ability by sending him into more dangerous places to gather data on their behalf. Something that Cyno complied to in an attempt to get accepted and make friends, naively.

One fateful day, one of these instances sees Cyno being urged to intrude the infamous Temple of Silence. What occurred here is mostly a mystery, but it is during this investigation that the young scholar unwillingly disturbs the Priest of Hermanubis.

I am leaving the details of this incident vague on purpose. It is possible that Cyno was captured and subjected as a sort of sacrifice to the spirit who possessed him; or perhaps the boy was forced into a situation where making a pact with Hermanubis was his only way out. Whatever the case, Cyno would leave changed forever.

The initial stage of the possession were terrifying and painful, with the spirit of Hermanubis pushing through to take control of Cyno's mind and body at all times. It is mentioned in the events of Windblume that the spirit used to cause Cyno great suffering, and this is how I have decided to interpret that.

In this state, it wouldn't take long for the Akademiya to take notice. Taking interest in his condition, the Sages decided to conduct research on the boy, tasking Cyrus, a lead teacher of the Spantamad Darshan, to gather data and perform tests on him.

To Cyno's luck, Cyrus took pity on him instead, and taught him how to subdue and repress the surging power of Hermanubis. Cyno's quality of life greatly improved after this. It is from this point that he considers Cyrus as his father figure and benefactor.

I personally headcanon that the idle animation Cyno performs with the Eye of Hermanubis is such ritual (see icon above), and that he regularly uses it on himself to placate its power from time to time (I compare it to taking a sedative or calming medicine.. or having a smoke to ease the nerves, if you will). It works as a sort of self-hypnosis: it first puts Cyno into an unconscious state, and then directly affects and soothes Hermanubis as the spirit comes forward to take control. As the spirit is quelled, Cyno returns to his senses in a better state of calmness and control.

The sealing spell Cyno used on Collei was a more powerful version of this same ritual, as well.

Regarding the Pactsworn Pathclearer: while Cyrus' teachings help Cyno subdue and repress Hermanubis' influence on his mind, this has nothing to do with his abilities in combat. The real catalyst to this form is in fact the headdress on Cyno's head.

The head of the jackal is in fact an ancient artifact that Cyno later retrieved and paid to be restored. Made in lacquered wood and cloth, its craftmanship belongs to ancient times and not everyone is capable of replicating it to perfection.

Through this artifact, Cyno is capable of controlling the spirit of the Priest of Hermanubis and bend it to his will; more appropriately, it is better to say that the spirit and his soul become one mind. While Cyno is in control of his movements and power, Hermanubis' thirst for justice and ruthless drive to see evil punished is what drives every choice he makes in this state.

The effect lasts 18 seconds, and during this Cyno is unstoppable; he will keep fighting even if his body is rendered to shreds, sensing no pain or sluggishness no matter how severe the injuries on his body may be.

Should the headdress of the jackal be broken, destroyed or taken from Cyno, he would be unable to control the Pactsworn Pathclearer. This however doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't be able to call him forward, at the cost of his presence of mind. What would happen in this scenario is unknown and for good reason.

Outside of this, Cyno's co-existence with the Spirit of Hermanubis is mostly peaceful. Some of those who know of this secret may be inclined to believe that the General's most perplexing quirks and personality aspects may be a side effect of the spirit's presence within him. This is all up to debate however, and the only way to really know would be to rid him of the Spirit's presence entirely. But is such a thing even possible?

Cyno does not use the word 'pact' casually when he describes his relationship with the Spirit of the Priest. This power came at a cost, and one that the General Mahamatra is committed to pay someday. When that day will come, he does not know. Only knowing that somehow, someday, the voice of the Priest will beckon him back to the Temple of Silence for the final time. A call he will not be able to resist. All Cyno can do is perform his duty and ensure his heart remains on a just and righteous path, so that he may face the Scale without fear. The souls weighing lighter than Maat shall be granted immortality, and move on to the next cycle.

[melloreturn]

backstory- felicity (1).

cw for abuse, death, gang violence, and violence in general.

For someone who was like the sun itself, you weren’t always this bright and warm. Or at the very least, the home you were born into certainly wasn’t a warm one. The only child to a father who only cared for his work and his family’s reputation and a mother who cared more for her husband than her own child, you couldn’t remember a time you went out as a family. Let alone sat down together for a meal.

You couldn’t remember ever being held either.

Maybe that’s why you ended up the way you did. Volatile, frigid, angry, lost.

You fell into gang life in middle school. It was the closest you could get to family, even if you knew they didn’t really care about you. You vandalized property. You fought people- broke bones and drew blood. They did the same to you. You could go wherever you wanted and no one would care. You could go anywhere.

You could go nowhere.

( The only place that could put you at ease is the beach, the ocean- how the tide pulls you in and then back out again. It’s permanent in the way your parents are not. It’s alone with you. )

Your parents didn’t say anything when you skipped school, or when you didn’t come home at night. Maybe that’s why it pissed you off when your father told you you were useless, a burden to society and even more so when your mother cries, asking you why you turned out this way. You break the glass panel on their French window door.

“Who the fuck asked you to give birth to me?!”

High school comes around. One day late in the fall semester of your freshman year, the principal corners you in the hall and ostracizes you for distracting the students who are ‘here to learn’. He eyes you with disgust.

It infuriates you. You try to throw a punch; he gets the gym teacher to help him lock you in a classroom- for safety reasons. You pick up a foldable chair and swing it at him, shooing him and the rest of the crowd watching away. The principal tells you he’s going to call your parents and you tell him they won’t come anyways. Your blood is on fire, you’re the stick set aflame, but that’s how it’s been- you burning, cinders left in the aftermath.

That’s when you meet him.

Professor Price- your biology teacher. Well, you find out later he’s actually a physics teacher, but he’s stepping in for the biology teacher this semester. He’s the person assigned to keeping an eye on you while the principal tries to get ahold of your parents. He’s on the younger side in terms of age, and he asks you why you’re so angry.

You can’t put it into words. Everyone irritates you, Professor Price included. You hate everyone. The world could burn for you cared. Your fist throbs against the table.

Professor Price doesn’t say anything. Not at first. But then:

“I think you want them to notice you. To care about you. You want to be loved.”

You realize- he’s right. How did you get like this? Why are you like this? Why did you end up so lonely? You burst into tears for the first time in a very long time. Professor Price makes you hot chocolate to comfort you.

Nothing changes after that. Only that because you’ve been skipping his class, Professor Price decides to give you detention- you have to help him with lab clean-up. This is how you come to love science. Clean-up is never too tedious, you later realize, so for the remainder of the detention, he gives you tutoring to catch you up in his class.

Turns out you’re great at memorization. You’re even better at science than anyone could have guessed. He tells you he’d love for you to come to class so you can learn alongside your classmates. On a whim, you try once, but something stops you when you go to grab the door. You can’t do it. You just can’t do it, you tell him.

He doesn’t fault you. Simply keeps tutoring you in biology and makes you take the tests during your detentions. You pass with flying colors. He teaches you bits about physics and chemistry over the summer-

You devour the knowledge, like a flame to wood. And when you realize that if you want to learn more about physics, you need to be good at math, you force yourself to sit in on that class. Your math teacher is wary of you at first, but when you ask her for help with the homework, she takes you in, much like Professor Price. The teachers of your other subjects follow suit.

This is how you let the fire die. This is how you let the sunlight in.

Your junior year comes around and along with it, a full-ride scholarship to an Ivy League University. Professor Price nominates you for it; he tells you you were meant to go beyond this tiny school. You’re not quite sure why he believes in you so much but it’s a chance to learn more about physics so you busy yourself with essays and labs and interviews. You make it to the final round- there’s just one more interview you have to do and the scholarship is yours. You’re so close to getting it, you just have-

Well, you don’t pass the interview. Actually, you don’t even come to that interview because the night before, the gang you were in catches wind of what you’ve been doing. They corner you while you’re on your way home and beat the living daylights out of you.

You’re hospitalized for two weeks afterward. The scholarship goes to someone else. And when you’re released from the hospital and arrive at your front door your father sets a bag with your things in front of you.

Your parents are disowning you. Kicking you out of the house. They’re done with your antics.

Ah. This had all been long-coming hasn’t it? You did exactly what you wanted all this time and now this is the payback. You figure this is just desserts, you living a life on the streets now, a disappointment even to the ones you believed in you-

Or that’s what you think until a few minutes later Professor Price is at your side and picks up the bag for you. He leads you out the door and lets you know, that your mother had told him you were getting released from the hospital today. He tells you he was worried and that he’s glad you’re okay now. You can stay with him while the paperwork for emancipation goes through.

You don’t understand. Why is he doing all of this for you?

This is when he tells you the full story of himself. He was once you- born to an abusive family, fell into gang life, except unlike you, it took him much longer to pull himself out. He saw himself in you and didn’t want you to experience what he did.

So you end up living with him. And a year later, there’s a scholarship opportunity to a university in London. It’s not fully funded, but it will cover a good portion of your education.

You apply. And you get it.

Professor Price takes you to the beach to celebrate.

London is a culture shock, but away from your home city, you flourish. You smile more easily, your temper mellows out. Somehow, you manage to make friends too. The violent urges do flare up on occasion so you pick up fencing to channel it.

And that’s how, at the beginning of your final year of university, you meet him, Patrick Myungdae Grace- a first-year Ph.D. student studying literature. He notices you waiting in the fencing arena lobby as you’re reading the first book for your literature class, Jane E*yre.

He takes a seat next to you and makes an awkward comment about how he’s reading Wide S*argasso Sea.

Patrick turns out to be one of the tutors at the writing center too. You think he’s cute, how he wears faded green converses with his sweater vests, how the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles, how he cares about every paper he grades.

You don’t admit to going to the writing center for ‘help’ with your papers more than you actually need to. You like how flustered he gets when you tease him, when you compliment him and call him a gentleman. Perhaps it is inevitable then, that you fall in love with him, especially in light well-

And so, you let the light back in.

[palaceofpassion]

Tempverse: Episode 1:The Desert Flower

Sooo there is a special reason I’m reposting this.

Alone, that’s how this girl felt, no one in this world to talk to on one to be her friend.  Throughout her years she found herself unsociable, unable to start up the simplest of conversations with her peers.  She found herself eyed as if she was a strange creature, something that never really belonged.  And despite this, despite her constantly being alone, and shying away from others she wanted to belong.  Wanted to have a friend, to be with someone who she could be true with.  One day, her parents set off, a vacation they had told her they would be back, they said.  Leaving her with their neighbors, a house full of young girls they said, she could make friends they told her.  

She didn’t believe them, she’d met the girls before, but never did it click.  Never did she find herself drawn to them.  They however, were nice, they never made fun of her, never joked about her loneliness but she still felt a level of uncomfort near them.  But she heard the rumors, there was one more child, a child hidden away because the family was ashamed of him.  Or so the nasty talks of the playground children went, she was unsure of how true this was.  But she supposed… she would learn whether she wanted to or not.  

And learn she did, however… The stories were quite different from the truth.  A lone boy, born alone among a total of eight.  Sickly and unwell he barely left his bed, but alone he was not.  Unlike May who found herself ostracized, even her parents showed little care for her, he was surrounded by warmth and love.  Despite his lack of use, he was greeted frequently by his sisters of different types.  Despite being weak, he was treated as if he was one of them.  Something May didn’t understand, this was not how children acted, they chose to ostracize those different than they.  This was not how families treated one another, they rather not it be their problem.  

Yet in this house of blondes and browns, she found herself… welcomed?  The feeling of uncomfort soon vanished.  The boy, he reached out to her, befriended her in a way none other had.  And through him, the family grew close.  She found herself suddenly wrapped in kindness, pulled into the embrace of a loving home.  This boy would be first of many for her, the first to be her friend, a young confidant whom she could be herself.  Another was the first she spilled her heart to, the first she considered real family, and a third, the first she would give her heart too.  She felt like she could be herself, and the boy had stolen something important.  But the fourth was a sense of fear and dread.  

There was a time, when the boy's eyes shut, for a day he did not wake.  The worst was assumed and the worst they prepared for.  Not a single soul left him, all staying near his wake as they held him close.  Thankfully the fear would pass, he would awaken fresh and anew.  The girl knew that she would never leave his side, so long as she could afford to.  

Unfortunately… she was but a young girl.  Her fate was yet in her hands.  She could not control the flow of time, could not control the will of those that could control hers.  One day… she would leave, from Vale to Vacuo, she would travel back to her homeland.  Begged and cried she did, but upon deaf ears her pleas fell.  The family of ten held her close, they would miss her.  The second eldest, she swore this would not be the last they see.  That she was sure that destiny would intertwine them together once more.  Perhaps there would be a Beacon, a Beacon that could guide them once again?  She did not know the meaning of these words at first, but she held them true to her heart.

To the boy though, “I’ll miss you.”  He said, holding the girl close.  His tears did not fail, even as he struggled to hold her, even as he struggled to leave his domiciliary.  He continued to hold, hoping that it was but a dream, that his best friend, his closest confidant wouldn’t depart.  But… they both knew this wouldn’t be the case.

“I’ll miss you more…”  She followed up, she would miss him, miss him more than she could ever imagine.  True to her words, “I will never forget you…”  She wouldn’t, his name, his eyes, his hair, his scent, everything about him would remain.  

She prayed, prayed that one day they would reunite, that when they did she could take him from his lair, take him from the confines of his self defined prison.  She knew how he dreamed of being a knight, but she would be his eyes, his ears, his world.  She would take him and see him off, hoping that one day they could be together once more.  

“We’ll meet again, I promise.”  And so he promised her, and he was an Arc, true to their word till the very end.

However, life isn’t easy, and she knew this. And as she grew older, her hopes of seeing the boy grew dim.  She aged into a fine young woman.  Though she experienced… difficulties, oftentimes having to pretend to not be what she really was.  She found ways to hide her true form, to pretend that she wasn’t something she was.  Eventually her thoughts of a Beacon began to seep through once more… she knew what she had to do.  There was a Beacon she could travel through, and then-

THUD

May’s eyes fluttered open, “Huh?”  slowly she began to scan the room around her.  “Oh… right…”  She quietly spoke to herself, she was on a Bullhead, headed towards the start of her new life.  Headed towards Beacon Academy, she… she remembered the Arc’s, remembered the words of Rua.  She… she hoped that maybe, even with a sliver that the promise would come true.  But, even as she tried to hope, she held herself tightly pulling herself into a ball around her backpack.  For now she would stay small, insignificant to the world around her.  She didn’t want attention, she didn’t even want to be surrounded by this many people.  But she had a dream, and no matter how scared she was, she had to push through.

TCH

“We will be arriving at Beacon in 5 minutes, please prepare your property.”  The jostling of the ship stirred her into  action.  Her right eye suddenly snapped open when she looked around the room and realized that several of the students had already started to walk out. Grabbing her bag she quickly got up heading outside and decided to take one last look around realizing that she was finally here.

It was exactly as she imagined it to be,It was huge and gorgeous.  The various greens caught her attention almost instantly, how a school on top of a mountain made any sense went right past her, but she couldn’t ignore the spectacle.

However, she was pulled away from her admiration as soon as she heard an explosion. She blinked and once the dust  died down amongst the chaos she noticed three girls.  However, once she got a better look at one of them her face burned crimson.  She tried to pull her attention to the other two, one was pristine white, full, a young woman who liked like she was made of snow.  The other was a girl in a red hood, her hair was dark with tinges of red.  However the third one was in nothing but rags, a collar, and a leash, a leash held by the red hooded girl. Though she didn't catch the start of the conversation she did hear the red girl say "I'm sorry I didn't know that she'd slam into your into your stuff sorry. I have to take better care of her next time I'll make sure she pays better attention to where she’s going, I promise!"

To her surprise several of the students simply walked by but she couldn't get over how the little red one was pulling on a leash as if trying to call the young woman away. Then she remembered from what she had heard before coming to Vale, something about a new law being enforced to entrap Huntsmen and Huntresses that broke the law.  They would have their auras locked, their bodies bound, and they would be given or sold depending on if the person who brought them in wanted them or not.  This… this must have been that, May did her best not to look, however as her gaze fell upon the lithe form of the dark skinned woman, currently on all fours looking away sheepishly as her master was berated, she felt a dark desire burn within her core.  “Bad, bad May!”  

Her attention diverted back towards the direction the remaining students were heading.  Following the crowd she couldn’t help but let her nerves get the better of her.  Her hand clenched against her jacket, pressing against her special binding.  Her chest ached, a problem she had when her anxieties got the better of her.  “Hopefully things won’t be so bad.”  She eventually moved forward.  Lost in her own little world she didn’t see the young blonde man who arrived shortly after her, greeting the girl with short red tipped hair.  

Eventually she made her way into the auditorium, the sheer number of people sent goosebumps down her arms.  “Too many…”  Not wanting to garner any attention she made her way to the corner of the room, thankfully finding an empty spot with very few people.  Eventually she felt her legs give out, her bottom bouncing off the tiled ground as she did her best to calm herself.  However, as she tried to calm herself, sitting away from others, the hustle and bustle of the booming voices began to wear down upon her.  She was never great with crowds, and the fact that so many were her age didn’t make it any better.  She was all alone, perhaps it was her fault, but it didn’t ease her pain.

“You can do this… you can do this…”  She tried to chant to herself, she was never good with lots of people, never good when any amount of attention was put on her.  And though she knew that none of these people would even give her the time of the day, which honestly hurt in its own way, she just knew that she had to keep herself from losing it.  Clenching her eye shut, she tried to chant to herself one more time, “It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay.”  You won’t be okay, you won’t be okay, you’re going to fail.   But even as she tried her best, as more people began to gather, she found herself being lost in the quagmire of doubts.  Her eye began to sting as tears pooled in.  She felt a deep pool form in her chest, her breathing became ragged, and her thoughts started to scatter.  “Why now?”  She thought she could do this, thought that this was the right idea.  But then why were all her fears and anxieties suddenly hitting her now?

She felt herself being washed away by her negative emotions, a sea of dread surrounding her as she sunk to the bottom.  She wanted someone to be there with her, though she had no one, she needed to be told she was going to be okay, but any words would simply sound hollow to her, she hoped to find help, but would help ever come?  You don’t matter, go home, you won’t make it, why should yo- Suddenly her body jolted as a gentle hand pressed against her shoulder.  In her panic she tried to shift away, her vision blurred by the clinging tears that stung at her eyes.  “I… I’m sorry!”  She hadn’t meant to bother anyone, she had wanted to AVOID attention!  Panic filled her chest once more, her anxieties boiling over, until she heard a soothing voice call out to her.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, breathe.”  Another hand gently pressed against her other shoulder.  “Don’t think, just try to breathe.”  She couldn’t see the other person, but hearing their voice call out to her was enough to calm her nerves just a little.  Yet, that didn’t fully wash away her anxieties.  Her chest still beat as her heart continued to pump uncontrollably.  Then, another voice, this one a bit more masculine than the previous, though it was low and… and oddly calming, more so than even the first.  

“Hey.”  They said, keeping their comment short, “Uhm… here you can use this… it should help you just a little.”  She felt something press against the base of her palm.  Her fingers wiggled around trying to figure out what it was.  After a minute inspection she realized it was paper, “Oh!”  It was a paper bag… how did they?  “Just bring it to your mouth and nose, and take deep long breaths.  It helps me when I start to have uhm... yeah.”  They didn’t finish the sentence, they hadn’t needed to.  May brought the bag to her lips, surrounding her nose as well.  “Okay, that’s good, breathe in.”  She did so, “Breathe out.”  She followed the instructions.  Eight times she did so, her heart finally calming down.  Eventually she pulled away, exhaling fresh air and not the carbon dioxide trapped in the bag, then once more she began to breathe into the bag.  

Eventually she was able to calm herself, and thankfully the stinging sensation in her eye cleared up.  She was finally able to open her eye, her vision flickering back into focus as she was met with the smiling faces of two very different individuals.  The one to her left must have been the first one to come to her aid.  A young woman with long bright red hair and clear green eyes, her lips parted into a warm gentle smile that seemed to brighten May’s mood instantly.  The other… he was… her heart started to thump again, but not for the same reason as before.  

“Hey, you’re okay, that’s good.”  She… she almost started crying again.  No wonder his voice had sounded so soothing to her, no wonder she’d felt herself calm almost instantly.  “Uhm, I know this is sort of odd timing all considered but, hello.  It’s nice to meet you two, I’m-”

Her lips parted as his name left her lips, “Jaune…”

He blinked stunned that she’d known who he was.  “I… that’s right, how do you…”  She didn’t give him the chance to answer as she practically threw herself at him.  Her arms stretched out, winding themselves tightly around his back.  

A soft, “Oh my.”  Escaped the other girl's lips.  May knew this was embarrassing, knew that she was probably drawing attention to herself, but for once she finally felt just a little bit safer.

“It’s been so long, I missed you so much.”  Her old friend stood there frozen for just a moment.  She hadn’t seen him in so long, so she couldn’t fully expect him to figure out who she was, at least not till she told him anyway.  

But to her surprise, “May?”  “Mmhmm.”  She responded, his arms suddenly wrapping around her pulling her into a tightly knit hug.  She thanked the brothers for her special binder, she would have never been able to get this close to him without them.  Eventually though the two let one another go.  Her heart finally calmed down as she felt she could finally relax.  

Though, “Oh! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have seen that.”  She had nearly forgotten her other hero, the one who had shown up first.  Her eye shifted over towards the absolutely stunning woman in front of her.  She couldn’t help the unusually hot feelings burning inside of her as her eye swapped between the unknown woman and Jaune, and then back again.  

“No!  No, that's alright.”  She felt Jaune’s hand press against hers, squeezing gently as if to reassure her that everything was alright.  Her heart practically drummed in her chest at the way this reunion was going.  “I uh…”  May noticed the way that Jaune looked as if his words were lost on his lips.  She couldn’t really blame him, the girl in front of them WAS rather beautiful.  Though perhaps he hadn’t gotten any better at social interactions?  

Now that she thought about it, what was he doing here?  When had he gotten better?  Did his parents end up training him?  There were so many questions flashing through her mind and she wasn’t sure she WANTED to know the answers, none of that mattered though.  All that did matter was that she was holding him, and oh brothers did it feel good.

She wondered though, was she supposed to feel jealous of how flustered the other girl made Jaune, cause she didn’t, which was weird?  She wasn’t sure if that was weird, did she have feelings for Jaune?  If he was anything like the boy she remembered, then absolutely.  But, that brought up the question, why did she find herself drawn to the other girl's emerald eyes, she felt oddly warm, not uncomfortably so either.  

Apparently the other girl noticed the staring, she seemed to give them an awkward laugh as she looked away trying to avoid their gazes.  “Hahah… I should have known.”  May caught the nearly silent comment, now she had questions, yet she didn’t know how to start them.  

“What should you have known?”  Thankfully she didn’t have to, apparently Jaune was still as socially awkward as ever, that again brought up the question of what he’d been doing up till now.  She’d have to keep an eye on him during initiation, just to be safe.  Though for now, she turned her attention back to the stunning redhead before them.  

“Ah.”  She paused, obviously trying to be polite to Jaune’s abrupt question, “You must have a million questions for me, yes?”  

May and Jaune both blinked, “Why?” came the same question from both their lips.  

This apparently stunned the other girl as she blinked at them owlishly.  “Do… do you not know who I am?”  

May sure didn’t, then again she wasn’t really in the know with a lot of things, she’d spent so much time training, trying to improve herself that she’d kind of fall out of the loop.  She shook her head, “No… I’m afraid not.”  She sure hoped that the other girl didn’t find it offensive.

“Same for me, are we supposed to?”  

The girl paused once more, almost as if she was a dear who’d been caught in the headlights.  “I… no.”  The uncomfortable feeling that she’d fallen into had suddenly vanished, a soft smile suddenly spread across her face.  May couldn’t help but feel the warm and fuzzy feeling coming back ten fold.  “No, that’s actually…”  She was full on smiling now, “It is a pleasure to meet you both.  My name is Pyrrha, Pyrrha Nikos.”  She stopped after, waiting on something and when that something didn’t happen she simply smiled.  

She had such a really pretty name too!  May felt like everything about this girl was just… oh gods she was amazing.  She wasn’t sure she had the courage to introduce herself, thankfully Jaune did,  “Hi… I… I’m uhm… I’m Jaune… Jaune Arc, Sho… you know nevermind.”  May blinked, thankful she wasn’t the only nervous one around the really pretty girl.  

She was about to introduce herself, finally getting her courage when suddenly two things happened.  “Hi I’m May Z…”  Suddenly the lights turned off, all of the other students suddenly swapped their attentions towards the stage, that was the first thing and the thing she would suddenly become VERY thankful for… then… then the second thing happened. SNAP She heard it first, then she felt it second, then she saw it third.  Suddenly her binding came undone, her jacket which had been tugged due to her little anxiety attack had already been pulled up a little leaving only her thin white shirt… and finally she nearly screamed as her bust suddenly exploded from the binding, her bra nearly flying away smacking Jaune straight in the face and her massive horrendously titanic absolutely gigantic bust popped into view!  Popping straight from under hear shirt she felt her face grow red hot as both Pyrrha and Jaune stood there for nearly a full on moment watching her ginormous tits jiggle freely, the fleshy uselessly big bags of flesh wiggled and bounced as if they had a mind of their own.  Thankfully the shirt hadn’t come fully undone so they didn’t get to see her truly shameful secret!  Them seeing the massive size was enough of a shame for her, she was going to cry, she was going to cry!  

Then it happened, a strange sense of determination suddenly filled Jaune’s face as he eyed Pyrrha who suddenly seemed to wordlessly understand what he wanted.  She watched as Jaune suddenly lifted his hoodie, handing her bra/binder over to Pyrrha like he was used to handling them, which he probably was now that she thought about it.  And then suddenly her world went black as she was covered by Jaune’s previously worn hoodie.  In the brief period of darkness she realized a few things, one she was suddenly being raised up and taken somewhere.  And another…the jacket… it was filled with the scent of her childhood friend.  A wave of nostalgia and… and lust oh gosh she felt her womb practically tremble as she inhaled his scent, washed over her.  Lost in her own thoughts she didn’t notice the sudden thump behind her as her childhood friend nearly passed out at the new revelation… or TWO MASSIVE HULKING revelations.  He had… had sent her away with Pyrrha to clear his own thoughts on the matter.  

May did her best to hide herself within Jaune’s jacket as she could practically feel the gazes from the other students suddenly falling upon her, though to her surprise as they continued on the gazes began to die down.  Even as she attempted to shelter herself within the jacket she could still feel the judging gazes coming from the other students.  A soft whimper escaped her lips as she felt her world about to break down, then she felt a soft hand press against her shoulder.  “It’ll be okay, I’m here okay?”  An angelic voice called out to her, and her anxieties seemed to simply melt off of her shoulders.  

With a nod the two girls eventually made it towards the changing room, Pyrrha stepping forward first making sure that no one else was in the changing room.  Thankfully, the two of them were alone, though from the way Pyrrha began to shuffle her towards one of the small booths, she wasn’t sure for how long.  

While the changing process didn’t take too long, the two of them found themselves wrapped in an  oddly comforting silence.  “So…”  Pyrrha was the first to break it, much to May’s gratefulness.  “You and uhm, Jaune… have you two known each other long?”  It was an odd question, but May supposed there was no harm in answering.  

“Yes…”  She took a moment, perhaps long wasn’t the right word, “We used to live near one another, when we were kids, but my family moved away… we used to be very close…”  May hid away a blush, as thoughts of snuggling closer to her childhood friend came to mind.  

For her part Pyrrha seemed oddly displaced, May couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something was off about the obviously popular girl.  “A...are you okay?”  When Pyrrha suddenly snapped from her confusion May noticed the small tinge of red on her cheeks.  

“Ye...yes!  Sorry!  I’m just not…”  She watched the Cereal Mascot stare blankly at nothing, wishfully.  “I don’t have any close friends.”  May, may have been shy and introverted, but she was also observant.  She knew there was more to the story than just that, but she wouldn’t push it.  

“I… if… you like I could be your friend, and… and I’m sure Jaune would like to as well.”  

Pyrrha had liked the idea so much she hadn’t even bothered to give it a second thought as she quickly blurted her excitement out, “Yes please!”  For all her sudden confidence the crimson haired beauty began to bluster, “I mean… yes please… that would be grand.”

May couldn’t contain the rampage of giggles suddenly bustling through her lips, she didn’t have many friends herself, but meeting Pyrrha had been quite pleasant.  “That would be nice, I think Jaune already thinks of you as a friend as well.”  

The crimson haired beauty simply smiled, May hadn’t really been sure of her sexuality up till this point, but she was starting to think she was bi, if the sudden beating in her chest was anything to go by.  “Oh, we should get your uhm, Bra fixed.”  

“Ri...right!”  May had almost completely forgotten about their initial goal.  Without really thinking about it, she began to shift, slipping her arms through the comfortable hoodie and pushing it upwards.  What she didn’t notice, while her head was trapped in complete darkness, was the sudden lustful gaze that Pyrrha had suddenly formed upon her face.  She didn’t notice the way emeralds stared at her, as the jacket began to shift upwards tugging at her voluptuous form.  She wasn’t aware at the way that Pyrrha’s tongue instinctively ran across her lips, or the way that a deep crimson seeped from her cheeks running through her entire body once May had managed to free her luscious bouncing bosom.  She also didn’t notice Pyrrha draw closer, getting incredibly close to her plump mounds of fat.  “P...Pyrrha?”  She called out behind the combination of clothing currently trapping her in place.

“Ye...yes!”  The oddly anxious tone in her new friends voice caught her off guard, but she simply chopped it up to not being used to others, much like herself.  

“Can you help me please?”  She wiggled a little, unknowingly causing her monstrous mountains of fat to sway back and forth.  

“O...of course…”  

She wasn’t sure what had taken Pyrrha so long to answer that time, but the girl eventually moved to assist, taking a position behind her… for some reason?  Eventually the two of them had managed to clear the jacket, stripping May of her top based apparel.  While she hadn’t put much thought into it at first, the sudden realization that Pyrrha was LOOKING at her, caused a general warmth to flow through her.  Her body shook as Pyrrha’s hands slowly sipped past her shoulders, gentle fingers running across her collar bone.  

She wasn’t sure what had it at first, but something hot started to form inside of her lower region.  The heat only grew stronger as the crimson haired goddess behind her, continued to slowly eat up her appearance.  It was an odd feeling, whenever May had people look at her, they were always either one of two categories, treating her as eye candy, or simply thinking ill of her.  But there was something coming from Pyrrha, something she didn’t quite understand on her own.  

“You’re gorgeous…”  The words came out of Pyrrha’s mouth faster than May would have anticipated.  “I… uhm I…!”  

“Thank you…”  Was May’s response, unwilling to let Pyrrha backtrack.  She wasn’t used to compliments, but… she really liked them.  She let out a small sniffle, “I don’t get complimented very frequently… I’m kind of…”  While she’d moved her hands to hold her breasts together at one point, she let her right one loose, running it across her side.  May wasn’t… obese by any means.  But when compared to women like Pyrrha, or that white haired girl from earlier… she was plump.  She had a round bottom, wide hips, and a large chest.  She had belly fat that she’d never been able to get rid of no matter how hard she tried… it was an odd thing, one she wasn’t very proud of.  

“No… no you’re quite beautiful though!”  She felt the heat radiating off of Pyrrha’s hands as they hovered just behind her back.  It was obvious Pyrrha wasn’t used to giving compliments as she was just kind of blurting things out, but May liked them.  

“Th...thank you… so are you… you’re really… you’re hair is really gorgeous, and you have stunning eyes.”  

She missed the way that Pyrrha blushed, the trembling of her fingers, the way that she held her breath.  The two of them sat in silence for quite a bit of time, at least till May ended up breaking it.  “We should… we should get dressed…”  

“Right… right, what time is it?”  May heard shuffling behind her as Pyrrha pulled out her scroll.  “Oh!  Oh no!”  

“What’s wrong?!”  

“We’ve been here for almost an hour!”  

“Wha?!”  

May began to freak out, that meant there HAD to be other people coming in soon!  She needed to get dressed quickly, but by this point they needed to put their sleeping wear on.  

After a quick hustle the two girls began to get dressed, and despite the hesitation in Pyrrha’s touch, she did aid her with putting her bra back on.  May didn’t like wearing it to sleep but she didn’t really have a choice at the moment.  

Finally they’d gotten dressed, both wearing simple cute one colored pajama’s.  May’s own were a light maroon, while Pyrrha’s were a deep crimson.  “Odd…”  

“What is?”  

Pyrrha eyed the room, “The others should have shown up by now, I wonder why it’s so empty.”  

May thought about it as well, it was strangely empty, though as they got near the entrance they noticed a ruckus forming on the outside of the door.  

“Hurry up and move!”  The shrill voice from that Princess Looking girl from earlier called out.  A few more frustrated and angry voices called out as well.  

Eventually as they opened the door they realized what was going on.  Standing in the way of the door was Jaune, in what May thought was incredibly adorable looking blue onesie pajamas with a rabbit on them!  He’d apparently been holding up the door for some time as he did his best to not eye the angry crowd.  

May nearly jumped when she heard Pyrrha’s voice change its unusually calm tone, “What’s going on here?”  

“Oh!”  The white haired girl apparently noticed their change, “Pyrrha Nikos!”  It was quick, but May saw the way that Pyrrha flinched at the girl’s words, obviously not liking the way she said her name.  

“Yes, Ms. Schnee?”  

The girl seemed quite pleased to be known, as she started to practically vibrate, “We found this lout in front of the changing room!  He was obviously acting suspiciously of you in an attempt to do something most untoward!”  

To her surprise May found her fist clenched, she was about to step forward knowing full well that Jaune would never do anything of the sort.  But to her surprise she was beat to the task, “That is not the case Ms. Schnee.”  Despite her fiery appearance May needed to take a step back as Pyrrha practically released an aura of sheer cold.  “I asked Jaune here.”  She pointed at Jaune who was currently bowled over, obviously having taken a blow to the stomach at one point, “To watch over us, as my friend, May.”  She now pointed towards May, “And I got changed.”  She turned her attention back to Ms. Schnee, “You must understand that I do need my privacy.”  May wasn’t sure why, but she felt Pyrrha wasn’t acting like her true self, though she supposed she must have been someone important if everyone was suddenly listening to her.  Questions for later?  

“I… I understand!  He could have said something however!”  

“Tri.. tri…”  Jaune was obviously trying to talk, however seeing as he was currently bowled over he wasn’t able to say anything.  

“It doesn’t seem you gave him the chance.”  Pyrrha stepped over to Jaune, hooking an arm around and under his own lifting him up.  May herself quickly moved to the other side, doing the same thing.  “Now if you’ll excuse us.”  Pyrrha said nothing further as she started off with the duo.

May turned to Jaune once she knew they were out of ear shot, “Are you okay?”  

“Ye...yeah… sorry… ow, they hit hard.”  She heard him grumble something else but couldn’t understand it.  “Sorry… I was worried someone may show up while you were getting changed, I tried to keep them out.”  May smiled, not having once doubted Jaune, she could tell from the way he spoke that he was telling the truth, not to mention how he had been holding his arms outstretched in front of the door.

“Thank you.”  Pyrrha was the first to say her thanks, “I appreciate it… and I”m sorry that I may have tangled you in a mess.”  

“Huh?  No, that's fine, you saved me, so thank you.”  His head swivled back to her, “And sorry, I uhm… I always thou…”  

“It’s okay.”  May smiled, “I was kind of tomboyish growing up.”  If she was being honest she was still pretty much a tomboy even now.  

The trio made their way to a corner in silence, choosing to lay their sleeping bags close together.  While waiting for lights off, the trio ended up making a bit of small talk, May and Jaune learned a few things from Pyrrha, firstly and to their surprise the three of them had been pretty friendless growing up.  Jaune had admitted that he’d been mostly home schooled.  Which May had figured, but at the same time she had noticed the lack of actual training… worry had started to build up inside of her upon a certain realization.  If he was anything like the Jaune she knew… then well… ignoring that moment, May found herself quite entertained by the other two, and from what she could see Jaune and Pyrrha got along quite well as if they were two peas in a pod.  The obviously famous girl is enamored by his talk of having to deal with seven sisters, and his day to day life.  She noticed he’d kept a tight lip on how sickly he used to be, but that was perhaps for the best.

Once they called for lights out the trio began to head to their own beddings, however May had a different idea.  Mustering up a bit of courage she turned her attention towards her friend.  “Jaune?”  

His eyes lazily fell upon her, “Hmm?”  

“Can we… can we cuddle?  Like old times?”

Even in the darkness cast upon them she noticed the way his face tinged red, and the way that Pyrrha suddenly looked quite a bit interested in their conversation.  Of course she expected him to say no, but to her surprise he responded with a calm but quiet, “Yes.”  

Her lips curled into a smile as she drew closer to him, the duo squeezing into his overly large sized sleeping back.  May was much smaller than Jaune, so her feet only reached to about halfway between his own feet and knees.  She found herself snuggling into his neck, his arms wrapping around her back and pressing her close.  

What surprised her however, was how close Pyrrha had moved towards them, “Sorry.”  Her quiet voice reached out to the snuggling duo.  “I’ve never really… had friends… and I”d like to be closer, if that’s okay.”  

A small hum of approval came from Jaune, “That’s no problem Pyr.”  

“Pyr?”  

“Oh hahah… sorry… well we’re friends, and I thought maybe calling you by a nickname wouldn’t be so bad?”  

May herself smiled as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, she knew he was trying to include her as much as possible.  

“I… I like that, thank you.”  

She couldn’t make out Pyrrha’s face, but by the tone of her voice she figured that the girl was most likely blushing.  “Good night you two.”

“G’night.”  Both girls called out simultaneously.  

As the night rolled on May found herself almost unable to sleep, the thoughts of tomorrow eeking into her subconscious, however even that was overshadowed by how ecstatic she felt being so close to her childhood crush and friend.  

Though as she started to fall into the daze of sleep, she felt him shift, his arms gently reaching to her lower back pulling her closer to him.  Then quietly, almost too quietly, she heard him call out to her.  “May?”  

“Hmm?”  

She tried to match his tone of voice, “May, I don’t belong here…”  His voice was cracking, his anxiousness finally getting the better of him.  Thankfully he’d spoken almost directly into her ear, the only way someone would have been able to hear is if they had been right next to them.  And the only person close enough, the other students were keeping their distance, was Pyrrha who was soundly asleep.  And the next closest person was snoring loudly, some blonde girl next to a shorter girl, the one who got yelled at learlier.  

She’d honestly figured as much by this point, though… she wondered what she was supposed to do with that information.  The right thing would have been to turn him in… but she wanted him by her side.  Unknown to the two of them, while they had their private conversation, emerald eyes flickered open.  Their neighbor hadn’t quite fallen asleep yet, although she hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on the conversation, she’d been unable to rest not with the two so close to her.

May simply nodded against him, “How so?”  She quietly asked.

“I… I faked my transcripts.”  

May hummed to herself, she doubted that fake transcripts would have gotten by the headmaster, or the Headmistress if she was remembering things correctly.  “Do you have Aura?”  

“Ye...yes… My parents unlocked it for me when I told them I got accepted.”  

May nodded, she knew that uncle and auntie wouldn’t have left him high and dry like that.  “Did they teach you anything else?”  

“A little… they taught me how to use the shield to protect myself from falling, I’m not sure why.”  

Ah, so they at least taught him a landing strategy, May had to wonder if they knew something?  She was perhaps being a bit overly suspicious of the situation.  “Okay.”  Quietly she snuggled against him, taking a deep breath of his surprisingly fresh scent, a mixture of lavender and vanilla.  This was no different than her original goal, just that the time table was pushed up a little.  “I promised I’d protect you back then, I’m going to protect you now, okay?”  

She felt him hesitate as he tried to think of the words.  She knew he hated the idea of being protected, he’d been protected his entire life after all.  “No… I ca-”  

She cut him off, doing something so very unlike her, her lips gently pressed against his leaving a chaste kiss.  “Jaune… I want to.”  She could feel the temperature on the back of his neck heat up.  And before he could get another word in edgewise she wanted to clarify, “We all need help��� and… you haven’t been trained right?”  

“Ri...right…”  

“Then I’m going to help you… I don’t know if I could do a sword and shield, but I want you to succeed, and until then I’ll be by your side.”  

“Oh… ok…”  

She smiled, once more burying herself into his chest, though she pulled back as she suddenly felt something press against her.  “Jaune?”  

“Ye...yes?”  

“What’s that?”  

She knew what it was, but she was feeling coy, something she never thought she’d ever feel before.

“Oh uhm… I…”

“Am I turning you on?  Now that you know I’m a girl?”  Perhaps the accident WAS for the best after all.

She felt him rumble, trying to find what to say.  “Well I mean… I’ve always… even when I thought… I still thought you were… uhm… really attractive… so it’s not… too different?”  

A silent, ‘Oh’ escaped her lips at the sudden realization.  “Well.. uhm…”  Now she was the one at loss for words.  

“I’ll be honest.”  He started to speak, “Meeting two incredibly gorgeous women in one day, and then finding out one was my best friend, and the other wants to be friends?  It’s kind of a lot to take in.”  She nodded against his chest, she was in a similar position, except she was one of those women according to him, and that realization forced a blush to creep down her face.  Though she had to agree about Pyrrha.

“She’s really pretty, and nice, and amazing.”  

“Yeah, apparently she’s famous?  Those girls were kind of being weird with her, and that uhm Schnee?  I think her name was?  She was kind of… I think she was drooling at one point?”  

May tried not to giggle, mostly to keep her voice down.  “Well it doesn’t matter if she is famous or not, she was nice enough to help me when I needed someone.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t really know anything about it either way, and she seems to genuinely want friends.”  

While the two of them carried on their conversation, they still hadn’t realized Pyrrha herself hadn’t fallen asleep yet.  The girl in question attempted to keep a small sniffle down, as she felt herself overwhelmed by strange yet positive emotions.

The duo continued on their conversation for a little more, until it came to an abrupt stop when May shifted a little, her thigh brushing against the thing poking her.  “Can… can I touch it?”  

If she thought Jaune was warm before, he was suddenly blazing hot.  She was actually a bit afraid that he’d end up burning up before the big initiation at this rate.  But “Okay…”  Even she almost didn’t hear that one, his voice almost a mumble instead of a whisper.  Unable to control herself she slowly brought one of her hands from around his back gently rubbing it against the front of his onesie.  

A bit of excitement started to build as he shivered beneath her touch.  Her finger gently brushing against the solid rod of mass resting against her leg.  She couldn’t believe how big it was, like… she’d seen several already, going to an academy left very little to the imagination especially if you roomed with mostly boys who refused to… well now wasn’t the time to think about it.  Still, none of them had even matched up to half the size of the beast between the two.  If she hadn’t realized what it was earlier she would have sworn it was another arm or leg.  

The anticipation in her bosom began to build the more he shivered at her touch, her fingers gently rubbing against the swollen thing through the fabric.  She could feel heat pulsing from the staff as it started to throb against her touch.  “It’s really big, really really big.”  

He didn’t say anything in response, choosing to bite his lower lip in order to keep quiet.  She could tell he wasn’t used to this kind of treatment, or at least she hoped he wasn’t.  The more she touched it, the braver she got, eventually causing her to take a firm grasp of his thing.  Despite being behind the rather soft fabric of his onesie she could feel each and every vein pulsing beneath her firm grip.

She wanted more, wanted to feel skin to skin, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to convince him… at least not if she didn’t offer something else up as well.  “Jaune?”  

“Huhuh?”  

Fighting back a few giggles she continued, “Would you like to touch me?”  

“Wha?”  

“Yeah…”  The very thought of having someone touch her directly would have made her skin crawl, but when that other person was someone she cared very deeply for?  Well she knew she wouldn’t mind.  

“Ye...yes please…”  

“Okay.”  

She felt his hand shift from behind her back, gently rubbing against the curvature of her stomach.  She could feel his hesitance through his touch, so deciding to actually take hold of the situation she tugged against his sleeve, pulling his hand lower.  Once he’d found the band of her shorts, she let him know what she wanted with another gentle whisper.  “Inside please~”  

To her surprise, he was quite quick to respond.  Squelch his fingers sunk between her soaking wet lips, digits digging into her flesh.  A soft moan escaped her mouth as she pressed her lips between the crook of his neck in order to stifle the erotic sounds.  

Despite his earlier confusion, his interest began to overshadow his nervousness as his fingers began to curl inside of her damp viscous passage.  His knuckle roamed against the back, while his finger rubbed against the front.  Her legs parted allowing him to position himself better, and as he found his own pace, allowing soft quiet squelching sounds to escape between the two of them, she found her hands moving towards the zipper at the top of his onesie, thankfully placed in the front for easier access.  

He didn’t question her, possibly too excited to be playing with a feminine body.  Despite moving as fast as she could, she found the pace at which she pulled upon the metal zipper to be agonizingly slow.  Finally, she’d found the bottom, tugging on it once more she was suddenly hit with a quick SMACK her body trembled at the new sensation.  Something big, hard, and hot was pressing against her belly, pulsing against the swell of her stomach.  A thin trail of something gooey and sweltering, rimmed her belly button as the two of them shifted around uncomfortably.

The more he played with her, his fingers now bearing into her sensitive kitten all the way down to the base, the more she applied pressure to her grip.  He was even hotter flesh to flesh, with every stroke his member pulsed in her hands, the soft skin burned with excitement as she continued her own little venture.  Eventually she pulled up against the tip, the massive swollen glans practically scorched her skin as globs of sweltering hot precum dripped from the tiny slit.  

Something began to churn inside of her as their bodies paced back and forth their minds practically closing the rest of the world off.  So much so that the duo failed to notice the sudden rustling besides them.  

The young crimson haired champion could practically smell the sweetly sick stench wafting off of the duo.  She could hear every word, every moment, despite what one may say about her she was still a young woman.  Her hands had moved between her thighs, her fingers running across the smooth slick line between her vulva.  Her core trembled when her middle finger slipped between her folds, running across the rigid insides of her deep moist canal.  She tried as she may to scratch an itch she’d never truly experienced before, tried her best to stay quiet and calm herself as her body betrayed her.  She wondered how it would feel to have another touch her so?  To be wrapped in the warmth of someone that she could say she loved?  She wasn’t sure… hopefully she’d find out one day.

The two found themselves enraptured with one another, May no longer able to hold back had tugged on the head, the member gently shaking beneath her touch, as she positioned it between her thighs.  Jaune’s hands slipped past her belly, leaving a wet rope of juice against her tanned skin.  “Jaune… please?”  She asked, nay begged him to do it, to slide inside of her, to treat her like the woman she wanted to be treated like.  

Yet to her surprise he simply placed a gentle kiss against her forehead.  “No, not yet…”  Before the disappointment could build she felt a sudden heave.  His member sliding between her plump soft thighs, the thick veins grinding against her pussy, her lips split apart as the rough shaft glided past.  “Ah~♥”  His fingers scraped across her unprotected back, nails filing down her spine until he reached her plump bottom.  She could feel him grasp upon each cheek, his strong hands sinking into her flesh as he squeezed at her bottom.  

While the previous sorrow from having to possibly wait in the future started to vanish, the realization that they would still be getting intimate proved to suffice.  “May.”

Her attention fell back to him, their varying shaded blue eyes meeting each other in a deep loving gaze, but only for a moment as he pressed his lips against hers.  Their first kiss had been quick, simple, chaste, this one was fiery and intense.  Their mouths wrestled with one another as their tongues clashed in fierce combat.  Her arms slipped between his, her fingers grasping onto his surprisingly broad back.  In a move unlike her normal soft demeanor she found herself digging into his skin, her nails raked across his flesh grinding into him like a cat in heat.  

He responded in kind, his fingers plunging further into her taut bottom spreading her cheeks apart as his hips bumped against hers.  Her core trembled whilst his member slid against her lips, rubbing against her already dripping sex.  She wanted him so badly to mess up, to pull back a little too far until he pushed all the way inside of her.  She knew how big it was from feeling it alone, she could tell it would ruin her, destroy her insides so no other man could possibly hope to satisfy her!  And that’s what she wanted, she wanted to have her body split open, wanted him to crush her cervix right into her womb to mess her insides up and to churn her without a hint of remorse.

These feelings and thoughts were so unlike her, she’d never figured herself for the violent sex type, but… the thought of being dominated by Jaune just… it lit a flame in her.  And yet as she closed her eyes, another person came to mind, perhaps in a different way.  She knew she wouldn’t be satisfied with another man once they got to that point, but well… What if it wasn’t another man?  What if it was a woman?  Emerald and Crimson swarmed through her thoughts as Jaune continued to toy with her.  “Oh gods~”  

She knew she couldn’t keep her voice down anymore, her womb was already squeezing, begging to be filled with rich Arc seed, even though she knew it wouldn’t get that chance yet.  She found herself lost too much in a fantasy that she wasn’t even sure would happen yet, “Wh...what about… abou… Py…”  She didn’t get to finish her question as Jaune shoved his tongue down her throat, forcing her to silence.  

By the time he’d pulled back she was too out of breath to continue.  “Shhh, we can’t be too loud May~  And… ye...yeah I’d like that too…”  She knew he was just being cautious, she knew no one could hear them, and Pyrrha was asleep by this point.  But she supposed erring on the side of caution was for the best.  “My shoulder… bite it.”  

She wasn’t sure how she felt about the command, but as his nails pressed in between the valley of her ass she felt something coming closer to her.  Far too quickly for her liking she latched her mouth around his shoulder, her teeth gnawing into his flesh to keep herself silent.  Her eyes rolled back as the strongest orgasm she’d ever had in her life finally took over.  A haze fell over her as everything practically faded to black, her hips shook while her sex trembled thin streams of liquid squirting from her quivering core.  

She wanted nothing more but to fall into a deep slumber, however one thought kept her from falling over.  Jaune had started to pull back, satisfied with having pleasured her.  “Jaune, finish.”  

“I… I can’t… it would get on the sleeping bag.”  

She shook her head as she began to pull up her shorts, sliding the back against her plush round bottom and left the front part lowered.  “Here, here.”  She guided him to the slightly sticky center of her shorts.

She could practically see his face illuminate in the darkness, she knew he was the kind of person even till this day that wouldn’t want to trouble someone… but she wanted this.  Before he could utter another word she reached for the base of his member, her fingers gently brushing against his soft neatly cut pubic hairs.  From the start all the way down to the tip she began to stroke him, her hand unable to fully grasp around the entirety of its girth.  

She heard him start to moan, a husky, low growl nearly escaping his lips only stopped when she pulled him into a deep loving kiss.  She felt herself begin to buck against the air, excited for the cumming sensation.  Thankfully she needed not wait long, hearing it before she could actually feel it, thick spurts of white began to splash against her clothing pooling in the center.  

A rush of adrenaline filled her as she pumped him faster, harder, longer strokes!  She wanted his body to give into her, to surrender all his precious seed to her.  When he was done, she felt her confidence begin to pool for one final step.  “Thank you~”  She whispered into his ear, her fingers grasping against the hem of her clothing, tugging upwards till, SQUISH, “OoooooooOoOh~”  There had been so much more of it than she thought.  Her pussy drowned in semen as it pressed against her entrance, squirming inside of just the beginning however unable to get further.  She found herself unable to contain a happy little squee as she kissed against him.  

By this point the two of them had grown fatigued, exhaustion hitting them harder than they expected, they pressed themselves into one another, enjoying each other's warmth.  She wasn’t sure what they would do for tomorrow, but she was going to make sure he passed no matter what.

Just to the right of them, the sleeping bag belonging to their new friend rustled louder, Pyrrha’s fingers dug into her pussy two digits reaching as deeply as they could into her soaking sex.  The other hand rubbed against her backside, a finger gently sliding inside of her trembling hole.  Her toes curled as a surprise orgasm struck through her leaving her nearly defenseless as her brain began to run haywire.  She wasn’t sure what had compelled her, but as the thick sent of sex wafted her way, she wasn’t sure it would be the last… she had a lot to think about tomorrow...

[dreamgirlvibes]

Content By ME from:

HEY YOU! If you're here reading this, it's 'cause you're a LOYAL #AA FAN, or you're interested in what lil' ole me has to say.

WAIT. PAUSE. Ain't no LIL next to ME. EVER.

OR YOU! Don't you dare place LITTLE next to your name. (PUT SOME RESPEKKK)! MMKAY.

Alright: let's get into it. WHAT EXACTLY?

WHY I KNOW I'M THE BADDEST DUCKLING EVER!

For starters, I'm still not done. My journey as a person who wholeheartedly and fully loves herself is still a process I am CONTINUING to go through, to see, to be! It is never over. Just like anything else, it comes with practice. NOT just ordinary practice though: a whole ass commitment. It takes a lifestyle change, a mindset shift. This is something I have wholly and solely devoted my time, money, space, life, relationships, and really everything to obtain.

Let's shift this into perspective a little. Yall know the typical "UGLY DUCKLING" story. A short overview is the fairy tale tells the story of a duckling who, when hatched along with his brothers and sisters, is ridiculed and ostracized because they perceive her as ugly. She wanders alone through the fall and winter and suffers from fear, loneliness, and sadness. Usually, when people read this story, the most common perception is that follows as "She found a home among her own, and they treated her with kindness and she finally felt accepted. The moral of the story is, don't give up. Life will get better." I always used to view this story with the same perspective and eventually began to generalize this idea unto my life.

IN SHORT: I BELIEVE THE CURE TO MY INSECURITIES, MY UNHAPPINESS, MY EMPTINESS was to finally feel "understood, accepted, loved, WANTED, needed, transformed...etc" How did I try to obtain this?

BY LOATHING IN TRYING. Trying what? Trying to get people to accept me for who THEY wanted to be. Attempting every damn recipe and method and lifestyle change to transition who I was for whoever/whatever decided they or it wanted me in its life. I would literally turn into 100 different people FOR 100 different people, just to be left a wandering soul and no connections ..just looking desperate and lonely as hell. Each and every failed relationship failed character attempt, failed change in really anything that I knew DEEP INSIDE wasn't me: I became what you called "THE SWAN".

BUT WAIT? WHY THE SWAN? HUHHHH? WHAT?

HOLLLLL' UP GIRL...I am getting to it. ISNT THAT WHAT THE UGLY DUCKLING TURNS INTO? This is what I mean by PERSPECTIVE.

When reading this fairytale, what do you automatically assume this SWAN to be? THE.

THE END GOAL. THAT BITCH. THAT GIRL. THE ONE. SUMMER SWANNER. Swanoncé. Swaneetie!

I'm talking this "IT GIRL" that people ASSUME SHE IS. The main factor. The head-turning Swan Thee Stallion. everybody and their duck-momma wanted to be the swan in this story.

The real question is: WHY? I mean who doesn't want to be this magnetic, refreshing, mysterious, drawn-to-self creature? This swan has been so magnified to be exactly what we are supposed to be. OUR GOAL. OUR MOTIVE. OUR DREAM.

But is this really and exactly what it seems to be? Is this really what and who we want to be?

LET ME SHIFT TINGZ into a better understanding- the way this story helped me loved being ME - AKA THE BADDEST DUCKLING.

In the story, the swan was the end goal. The swan was this "ugly ducklings" goal. To be this superficial, "perfect" animal that attained all of these "things" that MADE HER become wanted, and she "realized" her beauty after being criticized, torn-down, beaten, and bullied. This swan comes to life as the being who basically transforms herself into this SWAN KARDASHIAN character. THE LOOK. THE STYLE. THE VIBE. THE IT GIRL. All-cause of what tho? self-realization? self-commitment? healing? self-awareness? NAW SIS.

SWANYE WESTINA comes to be as a character formed to "shut" the critics up. A goal formed that not only is supposed to seem easy but is really superficial, pathetic, and just weird. This ugly duckling was perfect as she was. She has been that. She already had everything instilled in her that God created her to be. A perfect creature made by God with character traits, beauty, and power already in her. She allowed the opinions of others to move her. She let the voices of those who couldn't relate create this new animal that wasn't even who she was. She became exactly what others wanted her to be and felt like she SURPASSED others by being it. When in reality, she didn't surpass a thing. She missed out on her chance to be exactly who God says she is. She missed the opportunity to shine and flourish as her TRUE self in her TRUE identity by being transformed into what people turned her to be. She became this unrealistic expectation of who she felt others would accept her as. She wanted revenge! She wanted to FEEL SEEN and FEEL HEARD and feel wanted and desired. So she turned into what deemed her as PERFECT when she was just really a duckling's heart and beauty stuck inside the glasshouse of a swan. She didn't function properly. She wasn't in her purpose. She wasn't using the gifts and purposes that God gave her but transformed herself to be this new version of PRETTY ASS NOBODY. All to be left alone, swimming in her rivers of sorrow, her lakes of sadness, and her waters that were supposed to be able to allow her to swim nut really drowned her.

Stay tuned for the MORE of the BADDDEST DUCKLING EVER Blog Post 💕

[rosethi]

Please don’t argue over whether Yuki or Kyo had a worse upbringing

Because that’s literally missing the entire point of the story, that people may experience different traumas and are able to heal at their own pace. Don’t presume that someone else has it better, like these two boys did with each other, because you don’t know their story. Kyo and Yuki’s backstories are written to be foils for each other.

Social Status

Kyo is an ostracized outsider that the Sohma clan hates, while Yuki is the celebrated Rat boy who is God’s favorite. They’re both gossiped about but one is pitied and the other envied. Yuki and Kyo’s roles in the Sohma clan are “winner” and “loser”, respectively. The Sohma’s believe that life is a competition where people are judged against each other, and the winner is happier and more worthy than the loser.

Kyo is seen as less-than-human - the Monster, while Yuki is seen as more-than-human - the Prince! Kyo is beneath everyone and deserves to serve a life sentence, while Yuki is put on a pedestal. Both positions are dehumanizing and lonely. The other zodiacs socialized with Kyo because his inferiority makes them feel better about their own sorry circumstances - as explained by Kagura in S02E11. They don’t socialize with Yuki because he’s above them, at the right hand of God. 

Kyo naturally socializes with people but is inferior in every visible accomplishment compared to Yuki. Yuki outcompetes Kyo in every competition that Kyo initiates, including swimming, martial arts, running. etc. On the other hand, even though Yuki is considered more naturally talented and accomplished in every measure, but doesn’t know how to socialize. It's degrading to be at the bottom and it's lonely to be at the top.

Family

These poor boys both experienced horrific trauma from their parents as a direct consequence of the above mentioned assigned social statuses. Kyo’s biological parents are pained by his birth and have said that they wish he had never been born. Yuki’s parents were greatly rewarded for giving birth to the Rat. Even though their birth had opposite effects on their parents’ social status within the Sohma clan, both sets of parents abandoned their sons. That being said, Kyo and Yuki were abused and abandoned in very different ways. Kyo is considered a monster which lowers his parent's status. His mom confined Kyo to their home, ashamed and afraid to let anyone else see Kyo. Yuki raises his parent's status, so his parents give him away to Akito and refuses to let him return home.

Both Yuki and Kyo's parents told their sons that they have no inherent value as people, that they are hated by everyone else and that no one will accept them for who they are. Kyo was told that no one will accept his monster form, first implied by his mom’s actions every day for the first few years of his life, and then tragically proven when Kagura ran away from his True Form.

Yuki is told that he’s worthless since his only value comes from a bond with Akito - Akito is the true source of worth here. Yuki’s parents tells him that he has no inherent value as a person, only as a tool for social status and wealth. Kyo’s mother chose death over raising him and his biological father wishes Kyo’s death and life-long punishment. Yuki’s parents abandoned him with apathy. Kyo’s mother lied to him that she loved and accepted him for who he was. Yuki’s mother was truthful and never acted as though she loved him.

After Kyo’s and Yuki’s abandonment by their biological parents due to opposite reasons, their experiences under their new caretakers diverged even more. Kyo was undesirable and publicly abandoned by his parents. Kazuma became Kyo’s new caretaker, initially out of pity. Yuki, however, was desired - but by a malicious family head who wanted to assert control over him. Yuki’s parents “desired” him - albeit only for personal material gains - and hence emotionally and physically abandoned him, but never officially. Publicly, his mother still drove him to school and took him to New Years banquets. Kyo’s new caretaker grew to love Kyo like a son and gave him unconditional parental support and love. However, Kyo’ was never able to fully connect and bond with Kazuma because he’s continually told by the Sohma’s that he’s undeserving of love (until Tohru, that is). Even though Kazuma and Kyo loved each other like father and son, Kyo doubted their relationship because everyone else whispers that Shisho only took in Kyo for the money or out of pity. Yuki, on the other hand, was left to Akito's whims. As we know, Akito made Yuki's life a living hell. Kyo received hate then love that he wasn’t able to trust that it was real, while Yuki received complete apathy and then hate.

Kyo mattered immensely to his parents and they in turn had immense impacts on his life. Kyo’s biological father tells his son that his life is ruined by Kyo and that Kyo drove his mother to suicide. Kyo’s mother loved him in a tragic flawed way and chose to kill herself in front of him. Akito says that Kyo’s mother wrote in her suicide note that she wished that she had given birth to the Rat instead of the Cat.

Toxic Competition

Because Yuki and Kyo had experienced opposite reasoning behind their trauma, they each look to the other for what they don’t have but long to have. The Sohma clan pits them against each other, represented by Kyo’s bet with Akito to win against Yuki. They pit themselves against each other - Kyo envying Yuki for receiving public admiration, while Yuki envies Kyo for connecting easily with others. Yuki compares himself with Kakeru and thinks "I instantly compare myself to others and almost lose myself to how inferior I feel." Their schoolmates pit them against each other - Kakeru explicitly asking Yuki whether Yuki’s simply accepting defeat in a competition to win Tohru’s affections, and saying that Kyo looks happier. The classic story tropes pits them against each other - we were led on by Takaya to believe that the main trio will develop into a typical love triangle. The narrative of Kyo and Yuki competing for Tohru’s is questioned by Yuki and then wholly subverted when Yuki reveals his true feelings towards Tohru.

Fruits Basket’s love triangle subversion tells us very clearly that comparing people’s worth and happiness is toxic and destructive. When Kakeru suggested that Kyo seems happier because he seems to be winning a love competition between Yuki and Kyo, Yuki angrily asks “does it make you happy? Putting happiness on a scale and comparing people, and deciding their relative merits, is it fun to judge these things?” Kakeru apologizes and readily admits that his questions were asked without emphasizing with other people's perspectives. He doesn’t know anything about Yuki and Kyo’s relationships with Tohru, much less about Yuki and Kyo’s relative happiness. Like Kakeru, we the readers expect a love competition only to discover that both boys have beautiful intimate relationships with Tohru. The relationships are different types, one romantic and the other familial/platonic, but neither of them are deemed to be more significant than the other by the story.

This post got so long because I see fans failing to grasp the hypocrisy against the story’s message. I see people saying that Yuki deserved to be with Tohru because he was nicer to her at the beginning. Yuki is a better human than Kyo because he’s nice to everyone. Kyo’s had it worse because he has to contend with a monstrous form. Yuki’s had it worse because his childhood was lonelier. In other words, who’s more deserving? Who should we root for? In comparing Yuki and Kyo like this, we’re acting out all the toxic messages that the story is warning us against.

Don’t judge and compare other people’s happiness and merits. Life is not a competition. It’s okay to progress at your pace, when you are ready. The same message by extension applies to Yuki and Kyo’s past traumas as well. They both had traumatic upbringings and formed their own coping mechanisms in response. Neither of them are better human beings than the other. Neither of them are somehow more “worthy” of Tohru’s love than the other. Both Yuki and Kyo had never felt accepted for who they were until Tohru. Since Yuki’s the first one to start healing from his trauma, he grows enough to recognize that he was wrong to envy Kyo. Yuki’s not better for healing earlier than Kyo, their character progressions make perfect sense given their personal circumstances. 

We’ve all been taught the destructive mindset of comparing people against each other. It comes to us easily because it’s entrenched in our society, just like how it’s entrenched in the Sohma clan. I want us Fruits Basket fans to be more self-aware about this toxic system of thinking, because the story wants us to be better.

[shima-draws]

FINALLY NEW OC TIME BABEY

The boy is Emrys, a prince from the Mirrorplane who is on the run from his own kingdom! The girl is Lacie, an orphan who was raised by a guild that rescued her from a somewhat abusive/manipulative friendship as a child!

More (incredibly long) info about these kiddos under the cut~

Emrys (or Em for short)

Age: 23

Hair color: Golden orange

Eye color: Red

Element: Lightning

Emrys is from the Mirrorplane, the parallel world to ATS. His kingdom is caught in a huge power struggle between all the other kingdoms, and Emrys’ mother, a queen who only seeks power from others, is leading them straight into ruin. Emrys is destined to receive the Crest of the Crowned, which is basically a huge emblem of power, as soon as he’s officially crowned as the king. Except that the queen plans to utilize the emblem’s power to start a grand war, which. Is not good!! The night Emrys finds this out, he plans to escape the kingdom along with his childhood best friend Lixin, a regular human who’s basically being used as a pawn to be married off to Emrys’ younger sister in order to create powerful elemental children. Yikes! Emrys is also engaged to a princess from another kingdom, but it’s an arranged marriage, and he doesn’t have feelings for her (so there’s another good reason for him to leave). Lixin is caught during his escape, and Emrys leaps to his rescue, but in the scuffle things get tense and he accidentally kills the guards sent after them. Hands stained with blood, Emrys stumbles into a portal leading to the other side of the Mirrorplane.

Emrys decides that he might as well stay there since he doesn’t know how to get home and he probably shouldn’t go home--he’ll be safer here, and this way his mother can’t use him to start a war. This goes alright for a couple months as he adapts to a world that isn’t constantly fighting with each other, until he realizes that his mother somehow sent people to come look for him and capture him so he can be dragged back home. He also hears word that Lixin is in this world as well. Emrys goes on the run, never sticking around one place for long, and tries to search for Lixin along the way. This is when he meets Lacie!

Personality traits

• Has a hard time trusting people in general. Refuses to get close to people in fear of them getting hurt. Because he's on the run and is a target he tries to keep to himself. A very lone wolf type. Doesn't want other people to get dragged into his problems so he tries to handle everything alone

• Very quiet, observant, INCREDIBLY intelligent--gets really absorbed in books when given the chance. One of the few times his facade falls and he gets Soft and passionate is when he's immersed in reading/studying. Loves absorbing knowledge from this world since it’s different from the Mirrorplane

• Makes scathing remarks often. Doesn't get riled up even when people tempt him. Is able to keep a very cool head most of the time. When he does get angry he gets STUBBORN. Refuses to let people try to talk to him or calm him down. Brushes people off and ignores attempts at support

• You know that he trusts you when he teases you or pokes fun at you

• Very wary. Always keeps an eye out for an escape route

• Careful around people. Knows his strength so he tries not to hurt others

• Deep down tho he's utterly selfless, unbelievably loyal to the people he cares about, and is a truly kind and generous person. He would sacrifice anything, even himself, to keep his friends safe, and beats himself up constantly if one of them gets hurt.  Once he learns to open himself up to others he becomes Tender and is able to express himself easier. He's truly a gentle person at heart

• Is awful at romance because he has no experience (even being engaged) and gets flustered easily when it comes to anything with romantic intent. This is like the one thing he has zero confidence in. Lacie usually has to take charge in this department because he’s too hesitant and nervous to figure anything out himself, so he tends to follow her lead, which sometimes leads to disaster but they figure things out one step at a time!

• Was attracted to Lacie immediately but didn’t want to get close to her bc he knew she’d get hurt because of him. WELP

•  Develops a huge guilt complex after Lacie loses her arm

Elemental abilities

Lightning elemental: Uses a thin sword/rapier to fight. Is VERY fast and agile. Usually starts by hitting pressure points and jolting them with electricity to numb the nerves. Doesn’t really like using his lightning directly so he tries to stick to the rapier as often as possible

He’s not a huge fan of fighting so he’d rather avoid conflict if necessary (especially after he killed someone on accident before). However he should not be underestimated in battle--he’s been trained how to fight from a young age so he knows what he’s doing. He uses a lot of tactics and smarts to get himself out of sticky situations

Lacie

Age: 21

Hair color: Gray/silver

Eye color: Brown

Element: Metal

Lacie’s parents died when she was very young, so she was sent to an orphanage shortly after. Her parents were bandits, labeled as outlaws, so a lot of the kids teased her and ostracized her. This caused her to hold a grudge against both them and her parents, even though they’d only resorted to thievery to provide for her and themselves. There was, however, one person who reached out to her there--an older girl named Gwendolyn. Gwen was very standoffish and didn’t care what the other children thought of her. She was the first person to treat Lacie normally, so Lacie grew attached to her. However, Gwen used Lacie and treated her as a tool to do what she wanted, but Lacie, too terrified of losing the only ‘friend’ she had, never spoke up about it. Gwen did care about Lacie, and there was a genuine friendship there, but that was overshadowed of her tendency to manipulate Lacie.

Gwen eventually hatched a plan to escape the orphanage and strike out on their own. Lacie agreed and together they snuck out in the middle of the night. (Sounds familiar? Wow, parallels!) The next day, Gwen tried to steal from a person in town, which ended up being a member of the guild nearby. Gwen managed to get to Lacie before getting caught and shoved the stolen items onto her, making her a target. Lacie realized how awful this was and finally gathered the courage to yell at Gwen. The guild member caught up, saw their interaction, and took Gwen in for questioning. He escorted Lacie to the guild, where she was pretty much adopted by the members.

Lacie grew up with the guild and learned compassion and how to forgive her parents. As an adult she’s a very kind, friendly and confident person. She is still burdened by her past but she tries not to let it get to her. 

Personality traits

• Not the most polite person since she doesn't really have a filter

• VERY curious. Somewhat naive. Asks a lot of bugging questions if she doesn't know something

• Hot-headed and stubborn. Gets riled up easily, but can control herself when she's angry. Argues a lot but isn't fond of it

• In reality, a very kind person who cares for her friends and would do anything to protect her family. Spirited and determined

• Can be kind of silly, especially when she's trying to cheer others up. Emrys finds her amusing and calls her a dork

• A leader type character...one that can take charge of the situation when everybody else is losing their heads

• Willing to step out of her comfort zone and dive into new adventures without hesitation. She lives for the thrill. Is spontaneous and willing to take risks/chances. Drags Emrys into her fun a lot bc he’s so sheltered as a prince lmao

• Self confident on the outside, insecure in reality (a lot of this comes from the emotional abuse she went through as a kid). But not enough that it's crushing--just enough to make her second guess things sometimes, ESPECIALLY when it comes to Emrys because he's a rubix cube of emotions and she's always afraid of overstepping her boundaries--this is only when she finds out more about him tho. She doesn't mind being an ass to him when they first met because he’s kind of a jerk so her first instinct is to lash out at him

• Isn't necessarily a rule breaker until it's brought up, and then she gets excited about doing daring things. Is almost too enthusiastic about it sometimes

Elemental abilities

Metal elemental: Uses throwing knives infused with magic to fight. Being a metal elemental, she’s able to control their trajectory and can toss them around and have them zip right back to her like boomerangs. She mostly uses these to unbalance enemies and strike them hard enough that they get too dizzy to stand. After she loses her arm, she also utilizes the metal it’s made out of to temporarily transform it into usable weapons.

She’s fine with fighting and is hasty enough to throw herself into battle without thinking, but is fine with peace talks most of the time. 

AND NOW onto how these two cuties meet ;)

If it weren’t obvious by now Emrys is a loner and therefore hates guilds and being associated with them. So naturally, after running into Lacie, he treats her with a lot of attitude and snark, which she retaliates against. After Lacie helps him chase off a couple thugs that he stole stolen goods back from (not the people actually chasing him), she somehow coerces him into the guild for a couple days, and he’s unsettled yet warmed by the friendly atmosphere. Emrys eventually admits he has to stick around town for a while to make some money, so Lacie offers to help him out by going out on official guild missions. Emrys is like I don’t need or want your help and she’s like alright fine then try making money on your own, guild missions pay WAY better and you can’t do one without an official member escort. So he’s like. Jesus fine okay I’ll go on the damn mission with you LOL

They go on a couple missions together and start getting close. Emrys is like oh no this is not what I want so he panics and tries to leave town, but Lacie catches up to him and yells him for leaving without saying anything. Unfortunately during this whole mess the trackers sent to follow Emrys find out where he’s hiding. He and Lacie go out on one last goodbye mission together and they get ambushed. They’re horribly outnumbered and even when Emrys resorts to actually fighting his hardest, Lacie gets terribly injured. Emrys manages to fight off the attackers, getting his hair cut off shorter in the process (which is why it’s shorter and in a cute little half bun in the second pic), but Lacie’s losing so much blood at this point--so he stumbles into the closest building in the closest town and GUESS WHO’S IT IS.

YEAH. IT’S THE ROBO FAM!! (Take note that this is like, 2-3 years after they return from the Mirrorplane themselves, so they’re around 25 at this point.)

Elias and Gifre are enjoying a nice evening prosthetic check date when Emrys stumbles into the mechanic shop, covered in Lacie’s blood, and begs for help before passing out. Both of them go OH SHIT and immediately leap to the rescue. As Elias, Gi-bot, Ava and Ignis (who were called in) work on patching up Lacie’s wounds, Elias realizes that her arm is too far gone to be saved. And this is kind of a sad moment for him since you know. He also lost his arm. So he can relate. Ava’s like you’ll just have to make her the best goddamn prosthetic in the world then and he’s like alright yeah, so they have to remove Lacie’s left arm and it’s. Not pretty.

Emrys wakes up several hours later to find that Gifre treated his wounds. When he asks where Lacie is and Gifre shows him, he immediately breaks down, because she got hurt SO badly because of him and this is why he didn’t want to get close to her in the first place. He laments over dragging her into his mess, and Gifre gives him a nice long Pep Talk, coming from a similar situation with dragging Elias into his personal issues with Python’s Blood. It helps a little, but Gifre can tell Em’s gonna be blaming himself for this for a WHILE (hence the guilt complex comment).

As Lacie recovers and gets used to her new prosthetic (and keeps smacking Emrys whenever he looks guilty about it), the two of them become closer despite Emrys’ attempts not to--but Lacie is stubborn and refuses to let him distance himself. They also get really close and bond a lot with the robo fam, having bunked with them for a while. The main part of the story is just these domesticity moments with the robo fam and their two new dysfunctional houseguests LOL

Eventually Emrys does find Lixin and decides to return to the Mirrorplane to sort things out with his mother, and that brings up a whole bunch of crazy drama, but the robo fam and Lacie come with him (and by that point he’s gone Full Tender and leans on them a lot for support so it’s NICE and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT), so things get sorted out one way or another. There is a point where he and Lacie have a huge fight because Lacie...finds out something about the Mirrorplane that she does not like, and it nearly shatters her entire relationship with Em, so that’s a big oof. But they get it all sorted out and it’s fine. The reason why their fight hurts even worse is because at this point they’re full on in love with each other but are both too awful at romance to actually say anything. They’re stupid and they can’t communicate and I love them

Yes they end up together because *points at self* I’m a hopeless romantic loser. Lacie becomes a princess of the Mirrorplane which is WEIRD as hell to her but she gets used to it. Also they actually don’t stay there, Emrys hands the kingdom over to his younger sister, who’s always been better at handling royal affairs, and comes back to the regular verse with Lacie to live with her there. They get a house in Spinel Town near the robo fam and LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END

[south-park-meta]

Tarantism - Stan, if you're not sick of Stan yet, otherwise anyone else

Tarantism – The urge to overcome melancholy by dancing.

TW reference to canon suicide attempt

Moving to Tegridy twists Stan's arm into spending time by himself. It's an hour outside of town so his friends don't make the trip often. The internet is kind of crappy, so when they try playing MORPGs he usually ends up having to apologize for the lag at least once. Which maybe isn't that bad; his friends give him shit for it, but only a little, and usually Cartman. It's mostly his own voice in his head wondering if this time when his connection dropping makes them all die, will be the time that makes them decide not to let him play anymore. He thinks he's always invited, but he skips on his own sometimes because he's sure if there is a push for ostracizing him it'll be when the internet wanes, and while he's out Cartman will start telling Kyle and Kenny how much more fun it'd be without dealing with all the bullshit.

What he has with the guys is precarious, teetering. He thinks if one of them is going to shove it over the edge it will be himself or Cartman. They're the ones to take up the helm most often. He doesn't want to do it. He's scared of the big left turn Kyle suggested they take because he doesn't know where it would lead. And anyway, if they both take big left turns aren't they going the same way? Maybe they can just take a new path, together, and then it won't be so frightening.

No, he really doesn't want to be the one to end what they all have.

But if anyone's going to do it, it's going to be him. Cartman, Stan thinks, doesn't have the right.

He's always been independent, but he's never liked being alone. Even on the causes that have him leaving South Park, he likes to haul a friend along with him. As moral support, or something. Just something, someone, to hold onto. The idea of being smothered by people, unable to do his own thing on his own time, galls him. The idea of being really, truly alone scares him. Terrifies him, even. Between the two it often makes him wonder if he's holding on too tight or letting go too soon.

The thing is when you want connection there's not a lot to do alone except 'get to know yourself better'. Stan already knows himself pretty well. He doesn't hate himself or anything. Honestly. At least most of the time he doesn't. He doesn't like everything about himself, naturally, because who does? But he's comfortable with the parts he likes. The parts he doesn't aren't anything he wants to look at directly when he's alone. He dissects himself in front of everyone when he's feeling good, deciding whether to show bits off or keep them buried deep. He doesn't want to do it alone and feeling sorry for himself.

Music is one of the only things in the world that can take an empty room and fill it with people you've never met. A thousand familiar, relatable experiences are right there with a simple search on Spotify. Sometimes he'll find someone to wallow with. The deep, growly, deathcore songs that say 'I know what you're feeling'. It's the same as a few years ago, sitting with the goths by the school, letting out misery by sitting in the middle of it.

But sometimes he thinks of Butters coming up to him while he was being miserable.

Butters is fresh out of his brace after throwing himself through a school window.

Because Stan's dad was wrong, moving them out to the farm where they have no one that they know. But he wasn't wrong, that South Park is a black hole, a hungry mouth. It takes and takes and takes. All you can do is try to bargain with it, like it's one of those old fucked up fairy tale monsters. Give up the parts of yourself that don't matter to you, first, a peace offering, to keep it fed until you can get out with most your sanity intact. Butters didn't get that; he'd gone all the way, thrown his whole self to it. Stan's been playing chicken with South Park, over and over. But he's never going to be someone who throws himself out a school window.

So he's careful not to think like Butters too much, too often, but sometimes when the day's right he can find the beauty in the sadness of being lonely. He can make a puzzle by himself and like it. He can pull out a board game and enjoy the solo play. He can play the new Gersploosh album and not hear shit blowing out his eardrums.

Those days are good days. Those days are even sometimes better when he's literally all alone; when his dad's out working the farm and his mom's at work in town and Shelly's done anything she can to get out of the house. He cranks his music and feels like he's in one of those 80's movies when he dances. Like Risky Business, sliding on the old wood floor in his socks. Happiness is temporary, fleeting, just like the goths told him, but on days like this sadness is fleeting, too. For at least a while, being an idiot all by himself, everything feels like it will turn out fine.

[rametarin]

And further thoughts about the yaoi paddles.

If you’re under 20, and just now learning that fandom seniors in their late 20s, 30s, 40s, even low 50s, used to run around slapping eachother on the ass with yaoi paddles in anime and comic conventions after anime became a household media staple, you probably have.. questions.

You’re probably thinking, “Wow!! It was really lawless and anarchistic back then, wasn’t it! They never heard about personal space or sexual harassment laws! SOCIETY must have been SO different, back then!”

NO. I cannot stress enough, the Yaoi Paddle phenomenon was borne PURELY because the demographic MOST LIKELY to protest and be wet blankets about everything fun and sexual and admittedly VERY SKETCHY sometimes in fiction, and ALWAYS bad in reality.. turned off and said virtually nothing. Wokesters that’d protest about the environment and sexual assault against women would take off their Problem Glasses by night and act like paddling was harmless, contextually acceptable behavior.

Yaoi Paddle shit appeared because something absolutely magical happened in scifi and fantasy fandoms. It survived purely because boys didn’t complain, or their complaints were not taken seriously. I promise you, I assure you, if you grew up in the late 80s, your night time TV was INUNDATED with heavy handed messages about how sexual harassment (always male-on-woman flavored) was wrong, even proxy or indirect violence to women (tossing rubber gloves in their lap) was wrong, and to never, ever, ever do that thing or they’d rub your nose in it and consider you mentally diseased until the day you died.

Fandom was always niche, with sci-fi and fantasy stuff being off in its own little corner. Conventions, before the internet was king, was one of few places where more rural, disparate suburban and city-definition isolated geeks, nerds and dreamers could get together and just cut loose. Comic books, novels, video games. All that GOOD shit. But if you knew a girl in the 80s and 90s, you knew a girl that knew a girl that was getting them to be less tolerant and “more conscious and aware” (80s and 90s parlance for Woke) and when that happened, a new persona was created. A new bunch of dialogue options, created.

Suddenly they didn’t say stuff like, “Ew. Why is this character dressed like a SLUT? Typical male writers. Like we’d ever draw ourselves in this or put ourselves in this.” Because that’d be a personal, subjective opinion. Instead, the option to say, “It’s endemic in our western culture that male chauvinist authors and writers in a patriarchal system exploit femininity in media and reproduce misogynistic culture.”

And so assured this was true by mob mentality AND the idea that learned, educated, acredited and tenured academics had this opinion, they were scientists, and so they were right, permeated. Suddenly girl-fans had outlets to have justified apprehension for everything they saw and didn’t like or, if they actually liked it, STILL interpreted it through their lenses to be on, “the right side of history.”

It made fandom miserable and a sausage fest for a while, if only out of fear of driving away female friends. You couldn’t share that shit unless you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your female peers and friends wouldn’t disregard you like a “typical misogynistic western male” for enjoying that stuff.

Sentiments and peer pressure thoughts emerged. Like, “The comic industry is hostile and cruel to women that try and enter it, and they exploit the image of women for cheap dollars.” So they simply weren’t interested in comics- mostly- unless the comics were written by women and sold with that virtue in mind. In which case, you had boys glowingly mentioning just how much they liked this authentically written adventure by this female comic author. Isn’t that just so special? Not like those horrid anti-woman cigar smoking old man stories, right?

There was always something to nag and get vitriolic about with the media. That’s part of why the Whedon brand of feminist writing got so popular in the 90s. it was low hanging fruit of peppy “sassy” girl characters doing girly things. They weren’t like “other” girls written in comics and cartoons. They were actually girly. Not idealized infantalized children, like those horrible white men write, you know.

Well. Things were looking really bleak for the forseeable future. Lots of boys just felt like comics and cartoons were lost to girls that weren’t specifically into them, and that meant more sausage fest conventions or hobbies, and signing off hope on those things being respected and accepted on the merits of what they are and were. The girls had embraced serials-filed-off radfem rhetoric and lenses, sometimes without even knowing the origins of where those truisms like the Male Gaze even came from, just assuming it was true and indisputable. And it complimented their insecurities, so they’d embrace that shit until they couldn’t anymore.

And then.. something absolutely miraculous and amazing happened that blindsided this whole vitriolic culture.

Anime.

And amazingly, every complaint that a lot of nerdy girls had about the very much sanitized, policed and made PG writing and characterization of characters in western comics and cartoons, just... fucking up and vanished. Seemingly within a fucking YEAR, the entire social culture of Problem Finders, finding everything wrong about these stories, the characters, the writer and the company that produced them being misogynistic male chauvinism, dried up. Those voices quieted, or were shut out of the groups.

Media from Japan was some of the most infantilizing, sexist, tittelating shit compared to mainstream American comics and cartoons and video games, and girls fluttered to it like flies to shit. We had Buffy basically subverting boogymen that a bunch of girls had been taught were still relevant after the 1950s by fighting crime in melee combat with men, and winning, while wearing jogging pants and cracking sassy, like Lola Bunny being a “tough girl.”

Japan had doe eyed, waif bodied ballet dancers that basically farted iridescent glitter, hearts and all the symbols and shapes of the Lucky Charms, riding unicorns and fighting evil in cute outfits. Being childish and not at all mature or professional to show how womanly and competent they were, basically being overgrown 11 year old girls fresh off the playground swing set.

And the fangirls loved it. Those nagging voices that would speak up and remind them about misogynistic, male chauvinistic “societies” and culture? Just.. they fucking VANISHED from the mind for AN ENTIRE GENERATION. I’m not exaggerating. Tolerance and fun and innocence was back again. The problem-glasses felt too ostracized and alienated, or didn’t even want to wear them anymore for personal reasons, and the Radfem Baby Wokes just seemed to grow out of that collective hysteria and pretend it never happened and never existed.

That’s why the very EXISTENCE of Yaoi Paddles at conventions was just so fucking bizarre to those of us that lived up to that point. After, “Stay in your own personal space, boy. DON’T even TOUCH a GIRL unless she VERBALLY AND PUBLICLY CONSENTS or it’s proof you’re just living up to this misogynistic, objectifying society’s evil history!” was drilled into us, day on the playground by day on the playground, by women with axes to grind and good-boy sycophants performing sharing those sentiments for brownie points, it was so fucking surreal to IMAGINE girls just running around sexually assaulting and physically assaulting random strangers because they thought they looked like cute, gay men.

It wasn’t that they didn’t know any better beforehand, it’s that they COMPLETELY put those sentiments away and up and decided, as girls, it was okay to violate male autonomy because they weren’t women, and “it’s okay to paddle a yaoi boy ^.^!” With NO self-awareness whatsoever.

The very fact it existed is testament to how attention starved boys were for girls approving gaze and playful interaction, that they’d tolerate some pocky fingered little cow stranger smacking them on the ass with a plank of wood because it was a socially acceptable way to just interact with girls in their lonely assed fandom and interest. It was an acceptable way to meet girls and positively interact. That’s the degrading bullshit boys said virtually nothing about at the hayday of yaoi paddles, purely to be welcoming to girls in anime and hentai approving spaces.

WE GREW UP hearing and watching horror stories and boogymen stories about true crime and sitcoms and crime shows about evil evil men violating the personal space of women for lewd and lecherous reasons. We had it drilled into our heads that the tolerance for boys and men doing that was negatives, and the general sentiment was men caught doing that (to women, or children of any sex) were effectively free game for any violence you personally felt like unloading on them, confident that in such outraged rape and sexual assault hating times, juries would excuse that passion as a defense.

So if you look back on the era of Yaoi Paddles and think. “WOW. That must be like driving cars before they invented seat belts and cough medicine before they invented the drug safety and scheduling legal system!”.. NO.

It was not like the 50s-70s, where many of the rules hadn’t been written yet so it was anarchy and chaos. Yaoi Paddles existed almost PURELY because girls HAD no rules if they didn’t want to respect them. The Yaoi Paddle phenomenon flew in direct opposition to how interactions were supposed to go, and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE would tolerate the reverse; no cis straight man could walk around randomly smacking women on the ass with a plank of even foam in pantomime, or ‘floating hand’ pretending to be a perverted character. The double standard was GLARING. The Double Standard was a fucking bugbear that had grown from a tiny screaming goblin and was now hanging upside down from the ceiling, roaring.

But because it was GIRLS inflicting it on BOYS, absolutely no party cared enough to raise a stink about it. The Radfems kept their mouths shut, because boys were the recipients. The Radfem Sympathizers really wanted to spank boys, so suddenly they couldn’t find their problem glasses and instead put on their neko ears. The boys were either stoic and amused by it or really wanted to be seen as cool and not buzzkills, so they tolerated to reveled in it.

Many times when you hear about things that happened either when you were a child just too young to really personally experience a thing, or before you were born, we’re quick to assume it’s a medieval place and the people were so uncultured as to have never pondered the social problems of spanking one another on the ass unprovoked. Violation of personal space, personal sovereignty- all that. That was NOT okay at the time. It happened because fujoshi decided it was okay and nobody argued with them to not do hat, or they were told to stop and did it anyway.

And as I’ve laid it out, that is the most bizarre and surreal element to the whole thing. They DID know better, but felt it didn’t apply to THEM because they were girls, and a girl slapping a boy on the ass “as a joke” didn’t mean anything- because it wasn’t happening TO them, FROM a man.

And irony of ironies, it was NEVER okay, EVER, throughout that entire era, for the reverse to be a thing. It was very specifically and exclusively not. As a man if you ran around slapping cute looking girls with the Yuri Paddle, you goin’ to either juvy hall, or prison, boi. Both sexes knew it. And yet, yaoi paddles STILL became a thing.

[trollcafe]

Secrets

Length: 1438 Words TW: None! Just Jawska being emotional. Brief: Jawska thinks about the holiday. Credits: Sionah belongs to @/cherrytrolls ! 

Google Docs link for easier Viewing!

Jawska woke up and instantly regretted it. It was Quadrant's day.

He started the day with a short internal debate over what shirt to wear. He had the shirt Sionah made for him but he wasn't certain what kind of message that would give if he wore it on Quadrant's day. Ultimately it was the cleanest shirt he had. Surely there'd be no real harm in doing so. He had no plan of going into the shop right away. He wouldn’t run into Sio.

The rest of his morning routine was the same as any other day. Being single didn't change any of it. He contemplated making himself something special for breakfast, but settled for taking an apple with him. He opened the blinds so his plants could get light while he was out, and cracked open the window to the balcony just a smidge. Enough for the elderly cat that frequented his balcony to squeeze through and stay warm. That small act of kindness made Jawska feel better already. Still, a bitterness lingered. 

The streets were busy as trolls milled about. Jawska passed couple after couple. They held hands, pinkies, and wore matching clothes. Garments with each other's castes and symbols. Every couple Jawska passed only made the bitterness in his chest grow. The worst part was how guilty he felt. 

Trolls passed him with love in their hearts and hands to hold. Someone to wake up with the next morning, someone to kiss, someone who would care if they got hurt. Someone to make them feel loved and wanted. Moirails to comfort and soothe, matesprits to adore and coddle, kismesises to push them further. Jawska had none of it. He felt guilty for despising them, for being jealous. He knew he should be happy that others felt such strong love and a sense of belonging. 

As he waited in a small line to order coffee, he looked at quad-themed travel coffee cups. They were lined up neatly on little shelves. Quadrants were supposed to be that easy, that neat, that orderly. It was supposed to be that simple. It seemed like everyone else on the planet had already figured that out. Everyone else had learned the secret to making relationships be that easy. Had there been a book that Jawska was supposed to read? Was there a television show that exposed the secrets that Jawska had missed? Did their lusii tell them? Maybe that was the issue, his lusus never got that far. 

But surely, surely there were more trolls who had lost their lusii young? So how did they figure it out? What was he missing? 

The barista smiled from behind the counter as Jawska approached. He ordered his coffee, iced with cream. The barista made small talk as she wrote on the cup. 

"Great weather for the holiday, huh? Are you doing anything special?" Her voice was chipper and her eyes were bright. Jawska laughed a little. 

"Yeah, not too cold...gunna spend the day with my moirail after work." The lie rolled off his tongue so fluidly. The barista accepted it and sent him on his way. 

Jawska was no stranger to being single by now but there was always this stigma with it. He wasn't certain how real it actually was, how much of this stigma he had fabricated. It was common for trolls to question him, give him weird looks. A man couldn't buy a bouquet of flowers just for himself, he had to do it for a quad. He couldn't order two small pizzas for himself; it was weird if he admitted they were for himself. It was shameful to spend the holiday on his own. So he had to lie. But lying came easy. It wasn't the lie that made him upset, it was how simple it was. It was the fact that he felt ostracized for not knowing the secret that every troll seemed to know. 

Jawska tried to be happy for those around him. For every stranger's smiling face. For every giggle, every shared kiss, every soft moment. He knew inside their hearts were full. He knew they had the key, the secret that allowed them to do as he couldn't. 

Jawska didn't feel like going into work just yet. He felt lonely enough just wandering around with a cup of coffee and an uneaten apple to call his only friends. The sky started to change colors, the world telling Jawska how long he had been out. The windows of passing shops were decorated and adorned in diamonds, spades and hearts. There were sales and deals on boxes of candy and cards and dinners for two, or three, or four. After his hours of wandering alone, Jawska had perfected the art of tuning them out. The love songs playing from shopfronts became nothing more than white noise. Trolls smiling and kissing faded into the background. The crowd started to thin slowly but surely as trolls returned to their hives, to hold their loved ones close in private.

Jawska brought the straw to his lips one final time only to discover the cup empty. All that remained was melting ice. He tossed both the cup and uneaten apple before finally deciding to head into the shop. It was closer than his hive. The likelihood of him feeling isolated was small in the shop. He wouldn’t have to hear the neighbors in his apartment complex laughing and talking and being in love through the thin walls.

He found the shop empty. Jawska felt his heart sink when the realization that he was alone settled in. Sionah had been there prior but was gone now. That's fine, Jawska told himself, it's better this way. He had arrived late with the intention of not meeting Sionah, but still felt sad for reasons unknown. It was foolish to have such hopes.

Jawska contemplated working on projects but being alone with his thoughts didn't sound fun anymore. The music could only go so loud. Eventually he’d run into a song that made him think. That wouldn’t be good either. He made his way up the stairs and into the small living space that Sio and him had renovated. He tossed his coat over the back of the couch before he noticed what was sitting neatly on the coffee table. 

A small heart shaped box. There was an envelope with his name, written neatly in Sionah's handwriting. 

Jawska gently opened the envelope, as if afraid of damaging it. A gift card was tucked inside, with a short and sweet note written underneath. Jawska found himself smiling. For a brief moment, he felt...hopeful. Seen. Wanted. 

Maybe he didn't know what the secret was. Maybe he'd never figure it out, and maybe he didn't have to know. Jawska had spent the day feeling alone and invisible. To him, everybody had a troll who wanted them, who cared about them. He had been so blinded by his conflicting emotions, by his jealousy of others, that he hadn't seen the troll who cared about him. 

Jawska allowed himself to relish in the joy for a moment. But that moment was short. He had Sionah, who loved him as a friend. But it was nothing more than that. Jawska knew well that platonic love was just as important and could be every bit as fulfilling. Platonic love was a different ballgame entirely. Sionah was important to him and there was little that Jawska wanted more than to see him happy and in love. Someone would, one day, love Sionah as he deserved to be loved. Someone would hold him close and make him smile. Someone could laugh with him and kiss the corners of his mouth. Whoever loves Sionah, wherever he may be, Jawska was sure he’d treat Sionah well. This troll would know the secrets that the universe had kept hidden from Jawska. And this troll would make Sionah happy in a way Jawska couldn’t. 

Sure, Sionah loved him as a friend, saw him, cared about him. But somehow, it left Jawska feeling lonelier than before.

[sepublic]

With the theory of Belos and Luz both hearing Titan, instead of jealousy, Belos looks at this child and sees himself staring back. All the way back in the beginning- young and powerless, alone in a strange world. And he's entranced. He makes Luz an offer. If she stays, becomes his apprentice, he'll heal Eda. Honestly. He'll make sure she never has to go back, that she'll stay in a world that loves her. He offers her this and...Luz is tempted.

I’m lowkey losing my mind over this idea Anon, because… it calls to mind, how Luz was an outcast and in Episode 2, tried to cope with this by going under the assumption that maybe she was treated differently because she was special and better than others; Which, if Belos DOES parallel Luz, could mean that he was also an outcast… But instead of learning to respect others and THEIR lives as well, he coped by using his social trauma as justification for his own ‘superiority’ over others!

That Belos is lowkey using his trauma as an excuse to enable and justify a sort of ‘hierarchy’ in the world, that maybe when the Titan offered its blessing, he was so honored and validated by this idea… That to ensure only HE would be special, Belos went out of his way to keep the Titan’s blessing and knowledge to himself! That in his pain of being hurt and rejected, he’s built up walls that he only lets ‘people like him’ (AKA those worthy of magic, like the Emperor’s Coven) in!

Instead of learning to respect his own individual, separate worth amidst others, Belos tried to uplift himself and those he saw as ‘like him’, while putting down the rest because obviously there are people in life who clearly want to drag you down and what’s why they act harsh to you- That you’re BETTER than those people, that being talented and successful means having jealous enemies! Which would also call back to Boscha’s opening monologue at the beginning of Wing it like Witches, and I just…

I LOOOOOVE this idea so much Anon, it’s brilliant, it calls back to and ties up everything we’ve established beforehand and recontextualizes Luz as a potential counterpart to Belos, and also marks how important Episode 2 is! I feel it explains exactly why so many people and kids ended up like this, because it’s a system born from someone exactly like them; Or rather, the other way around! Belos is trying to validate his own experiences by ‘rewarding’ those he sees like him, by giving himself power and status as justification for his own loneliness in the past…

But in the end, he’s just doing the exact same thing to others, that he did to himself; But on a systemic scale. The idea was brought up that maybe Belos seeks out those who are ‘lonely’, not just because it’s easier to indoctrinate them… But also because he sees himself in them, and thinks that people like that need to be told that they’re worthy and indeed BETTER than the rest, just like Belos was, that they don’t need anybody else but each other! The Emperor’s Coven could be a twisted take/version of this dream of his, this ‘exclusive’ club, a dark reflection of Viney inviting Luz to hang out with her and the Detention Kids in the Secret Room of Shortcuts…! It’s like a very toxic sense of isolation AND community, rolled into one…

Imagine Belos sees Luz, he hears what kind of person she is, he sees her talent with glyphs and notices her creativity… And he lowkey becomes endeared to her, like THIS child should be above the rest! She reminds me of, well, ME… And obviously she needs guidance from someone who’s gone through the same path, but without any help of their own! And so he offers Luz to join his Emperor’s Coven, offers to make her feel special and wanted for everything that happened to her in the past because he can tell she DESERVES it…

…But Luz says NO, I already AM special and wanted but that doesn’t make me superior, it doesn’t justify lashing out, and she immediately tears into Belos just how evil and corrupt his system is, and how he’s fallen into the mental trap of setting himself up as inherently superior just to cope with loneliness, when in reality that just makes things worse in the end! That Luz might see herself in Belos as well… Someone Luz could’ve been, if she never really matured past her issues!

And Belos just can’t comprehend how someone can cope with their self-loathing without automatically setting themselves above others! Because obviously if everyone is worth the same, how can one have self-worth?! He’s embittered by Luz’s rejection, and just like Lilith with Eda, he THINKS he knows what’s best for her, that can’t this girl tell that the people she’s around are dragging her down, hindering Luz when clearly she’s above the rest! Doesn’t she realize how PARASITIC they are…? Because to Belos, someone who was lonely, he may have decided to cope by saying, “You know what- I don’t NEED other people, and I don’t need to be like them!”

Maybe Lilith was like this to Belos; A kid just like him, alone and without friends, but CLEARLY with a passion for magic, someone who had to learn how to work smart when others could rely on just raw power alone…! And that’s why Belos took her in, because he thought Lilith was someone who’d shown herself as obviously deserving better than others because of this! Luz is just like that… she has no raw talent, not even inherent magic bile! So she has to work smart and clever with her Glyphs… Just like Belos.

And when Belos is challenged by Luz, he’s lowkey losing his mind, because… How could she cope with the idea of being a freak and an outcast, of being ostracized, if there wasn’t some grand reason that justified and made up for this different treatment?!

[k-i-ssmyash]

Pls I would love to hear your analysis on why those mitski songs fit each iz boy (feel free to ignore this but if you'd like do tell bcs I think it is interesting B) )

Oh buddy you've made a mistake. You'd love to hear the analysis? Well I love to talk; I hope your ready for the absolute word vomit and rambling that's under the cut. But yeah, no, i'll never turn down asks like this! Interact with me! I'm but a simple, lonely tumblr hermit.

Let's start off with the first post containing Zim and referencing A Pearl. I tie this song in with his (fandom assumed) character development and how it effects both his mental state, Dib, and his ideology of the Irken Empire as a whole. In a way, I think a lot of us over-sympathize or find common ground with our alien and it prompts us to victimize him and excuse a lot of his actions. And for good reasons honestly? It's easy to do so consider that he was born under the rule of a tyrannical society where flaws are looked down upon. He does wrong but to him it's not exactly wrong, is it? It's unfair to judge him and scrutinize him the same way we do humans. The show is slap-stick at it's core and despite the grim and black-humor based undertones, not much is taken seriously. Although it often ends up in failure, everything he attempts to do is to better the empire, to receive recognition from the beings they hail to about the same degree as a deity. The long and short of it is that he wants to make the Tallest happy. To prove that he's worth their time and that he can live up to everything he dreamed he could be, but the truth is that he can't. He loves the people that hate him the most. It's an abusive relationship at it's finest, really. So he picks up the most unhealthy coping mechanism: Denial. He can't accept the fact that he's a fake invader, or that his Tallest weren't coming to Earth, because it would genuinely destroy him. And why wouldn't it? Pleasing his superiors and contributing to the hive-collective is encoded in him. It's all he's ever known. I specifically chose the given lines "(It's just that) I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended-" because that's the back-bone of Zim's character. You can take it both literally and metaphorically if you'd like. He's invader Zim. He likes being an invader because it gives him a purpose. The Tallest give him a fake mission and play into his delusion of doing good and being someone important (of being loved, even) and never truly hammer in the fact that he's exiled--not counting the unaired episode or the bit of commentary mumbled under the Tallests breath-- because they find the situation funny to an extent. (also, what gets me just in general with it is that Zim thinks that people like him but he's actually just one big joke and ow goddamn it my feelings) Main lyric(s) out of the way there I similarly associate the song to Zim's uh 'character redemption' so to say. I think he'd struggle to become accustomed to Earth and the fact that he doesn't have to rely on commands to live his life. I relate the line(s): "You're getting tired of me (and all of the things I don't talk about) / You love me so hard and I still can't sleep / It's not that I don't want you / It's not that I don't want your touch / There's a hole that you fill" With his relationship with Dib-- platonic, romantic, whatever-- and the general give and take of it all. He'd like to assimilate and believe in the freedom given by living on Earth. He wants it and in a way Dib provides the stability he needs there and it would be so, so, easy to give in to it. But he can't because the Empire continues to loom over him and his day-to-day life. As it's been proven, without Dib there to provoke Zim, the little alien falls into a depression, not unlike the one he fell into in Enter The Florpus when he saw the truth in his mission. Dib is his substitute, essentially. (there's something to be said with that relationship and how I view it but this is already dragging on and this is only the first analysis, so maybe another time.) And lastly, I'd like to think that the Pearl the song is eluding to can be compared to Zim's PAK. The whole 'Pearls are parasites that live inside of mollusks' bit can relate to the PAK and it's purpose. But I see it more in the sense that the PAK is the second brain, a computer memory drive that grants Zim access to the memories he can't bring himself to forget or delete. I.e., "And it left a pearl in my hand / And i roll it around every night just to watch it glow /

Every night, baby, that's where I go" Every time he takes a step forward, he takes two back because he just can't let go of what he knows (the Empire).

--- As for Dib and I Bet On Losing Dogs, well, it's a little more complicated and I'm still not entirely sure of my break-down here because there's so many layers to apply. Originally when I started messing around with this idea, it was going to be centered on Membrane "My baby, you're my baby, say it to me" and him loving Dib despite his flaws. And I still think it could apply. While Dadbrane doesn't support Dib's paranormal bull-shit, and he shouldn't considering the lengths Dib goes through to prove it (bus hoping, obsessive behavior, the fucking trench-coat) he does support and love his son despite the absentness. Hence the "I bet on losing dogs" and you know, Dadbrane just being there to pick him up and have his back when he really needs to. But then we get to the last line of the first verse. "Tell your baby that I'm your baby" To which Dib, in all of his edgy glory, decided to stick his big-head in to my thought process. I saw it as Dib wishing that Membrane would pick him over Science. Kind of a plea for attention? Like: Put your work away, I know you love it but you need to love me more. Dib has got to have the biggest hero-complex out of everyone in the show. He also has an inferiority-complex that compels him to try and prove himself. Quite frankly, and pun fully intended, he is the underdog. The odds are always against him and he almost never comes out victorious in the end, in that way, I feel like Dib himself is the loosing dog. His belief in the supernatural is the loosing dog. No one will ever believe him, "I bet on losing dogs / I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place" but he's too stubborn to give up. Even if he's mocked and ridiculed he would never stop trying to prove himself correct and would continue to stick to his guns. "I'll be there on their side / I'm losing by their side" He ostracizes himself from his peers by not letting belief go. He is purposely sabotaging his chance of being seen as someone other than the crazy kid.

That being said, the next line is where his Hero-complex comes back into play. "Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down" in Enter the Florpus, his sworn enemy was in a funk that he knew all too well. Sure, in the end he wanted to use Zim for his own gain, but before that he sympathized with him. And in a way, he possibly wouldn't know how to act if he ever did actually succeed? I couldn't help but think that Dib, who has always lost wouldn't feel like exposing Zim would be a win? He'd miss the fight. Dib would miss the struggle of being beaten down only to rise up when he finally gets some sort of substantial evidence: "I wanna feel it / I bet on losing dogs" he hopes that Zim will come up with something big and bad not because he wants him to win either, but because then Dib has something to fight against. Along with that, the one time Dib actually broke away from paranormal to go along with his father's wishes he was absolutely miserable. He was successful. He made his father happy, he could have made something out of his life but he couldn't; the appeal of Zim and their on-going stalemate was too much to resist-- "I always want you when I'm finally fine / Someone to watch me die" -- Dib is ruining himself by obsessing over the truth and Zim would be going down, right there with him. ahaha, that was a lot wasn't it? It probably didn't make sense either as it's just my personal rambling here, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and opinions on it all.