#best to have that out of the way so i dont worry
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The Confession 1 C.S.
Fwb!Mean!Chris x Fwb!Fem!Reader
A/N: I tried something different :)
*Really long you have been warned.
I dont even know how I ended up in this position. One minute my best friend Madi thinks she likes both Matt and Chris and the next she is 100% Matt. Me and Madi are super close I mean we practically grew up together and when we met the triplets in Boston everything changed, our circle grew just a little bit bigger. Lately, I haven't been the best friend to Madi just because I have been neglecting to confess to her about my secret crush on Chris and I am not the type to run over her if she knows she likes Chris because who am I to tell her she can't like him especially since I haven't told her that I did.
its about 1:50 in the morning and by this time Madi had walked all the way to a park and found a bench to sit and bawl her eyes out she couldnt figure out why she was feeling this bad whether it was that she couldnt articulate how she hurt Matt and Chris or if it is was because she cant choose between chris and matt she knows them both equally for a long time. sighing looking down at her phone finally deciding to call the one person she knew is always there. Holding in my tears as the dial tone rings hoping she wasnt asleep yet.
"Hello Madi"
jess speaks into the phone
"Jess"
she states through choked tears
"Madi what's going on love what happened"
"i messed up really bad and i dont know what to do"
she exclaims letting her tears fall
"Madi"
"I like chris and matt and ive might have messed up our friendship"
"no madi you didnt okay i promise you didnt they are still your friends and they love you"
you quickly reply feeling that heavy feeling in your chest again as she still thinks she like chris.
"i dont know"
she replies through a fit of tears
"its okay promise try to get some sleep and you will feel so much better tomorrow i promise"
you reply reassuring her.
"okay goodnight"
she sniffles out
"goodnight i will see you when you get back home "
she hung up from jess and sighed out once more calming her nerves proceeding to walk back to the house. as she made her way into the driveway sitting back on the concrete driveway where the night officially started
"MADI"
you exclaim softly seeing her sitting on the driveway
"hi"
she replies quietly as she turns around to look at you
"i was so worried are you okay"
you ask again.
"im sorry"
you sigh squatting down and hugging her then sitting down next to her
"i fucked things up didnt i"
she huffs out
"what no well i mean chris and matt are not speaking to each other currently but i mean whats new"
you sigh out since madi basically confessed to both of them on the same night and them both finding out in this driveway tonight.
" but it was my fault im the reason they are mad at each other"
"no no youre not okay they are just being them okay they will grow up"
you reassure her
"but i mean i told you had feelings for chris too"
you state smirking trying to shake the heavy feeling in her stomach at that sentence.
"jesss"
"you know i love you"
you say side hugging her
'well im going to bed you think youre going to be okay"
"yeah thanks j"
"okay"
you say standing up and walking back into the house as madi rests her head on her arms positioned on top of her knees as someone comes and sits next to her quietly
"hi matt"
she speaks softly out noticing his presence
"hey"
"im sorry"
"why you were just being honest"
he sighs out
"i do really like you"
she confesses again
"no madi you and chris are perfect and honestly it makes he was at least able to communicate how he feels about you without being oblivious about it im not the one you need madi you are way out of my league and im okay with that honestly"
he sighs out rambling
"what the actual fuck matt stop youre out of my league why do you just automatically assume your not good enough"
she exclaims frustrated standing up and wrapping the blanket you had brought her getting upset
"madi no youre not out of league okay just stay"
he says pulling her hand down a little as she sighs and sits back down as matt pulls me into him connecting our lips guiding her on his lap in the process. He tangled his fingers through her messy hair as he continue to make out with her. Her hands wrapped around his neck tightly as he stood up carrying her back into the house. shepulled away quickly he closed the door behind them and set her back on her feet.
"Matt if-if"
she trails of whispering
"wait"
he stops her as he pulls his and her shoes off leaving them downstairs as he swiftly picks her up again by her thighs taking her upstairs to her room quietly being sure not wake up anyone especially Chris. Matt leans back in after setting her on her bad standing in between her legs attempting to connect their lips again but madi halted him in the process.
"matt..seriously come on"
she giggles out as he sighs out stares at her as she bites her lip slowly.
"yes madi you were saying"
he chuckles out
"matt if- if we do this"
she trails off motions towards them
"no one can know yet"
"okay"
he kind of chuckles at the concept
"im serious matt"
she exhales out looking at him as his face softens at her response
"at least until i figure out how to tell"
"chris"
"yeah because"
"i know i know"
he sighs out moving himself from in between her to next to her laying on her bed.
"jess' mom might be coming to boston"
"what that so cool"
"yeah she called her when i walked off tonight"
"oh"
"yeah"
"well im going to go"
he states standing up
"where"
she states worried
"dont worry just in the other room with chris maybe so you can get some sleep"
he chuckles out giving madi a forehead kiss as he walks out of her room.
Madi wakes up the next morning mentally face palming herself considering well she basically made out with Matt after literally confessing to both brothers she has feelings for them. she rolled out of bed hoping everything will return to normal. she shower and put on this And head downstairs to be met with the face of the one and only
"good morning"
"whats up how are you feeling"
"better just like jess said"
"jess"
"i talked to her last night after everything"
"oh okay hey madi listen forget everything i said last night i was just being stupid it was nothing"
he states quickly realizing he also confessed that he liked you.
"chris i dont think it was nothing you dont have to lie about it"
"no im being for real"
"christopher"
"what im serious"
"okay then sound cool"
she states heading back upstairs
"where are you going"
"to wake up matt and everyone else"
Chris couldnt understand why he said that he literally let her get away again. His thoughts were soon interrupted the sound of jess's doorbell ringing. He went over and opened the door to reveal
"oh hi there i was- where is jess"
jess mom trails off
"she's upstairs um"
he trailed off kind of awkwardly since he had no idea that this jess's mom as what sounded like jess's laugh approaching the bottom of the stair case. I turned to see jess walking down with Nick and Madi being carried down the stairs by matt. the lady at the door cleared her throat as they all snapped out of their trance looking in that direction
"Mom"
she exclaims running over and hugging her
"mom"
Chris questions
"yeah.. mom this is chris, matt, nick and then you remember madi"
she trails off as chris waves his hand
"Hi you all"
she says with a raised eyebrow smiling
"jess; mom"
she exlcaims hugging her after jess
"hey madi"
"when did you get here"
madi asks her
"last night when jess called"
Madi looks over at jess standing next to her as she shrugs her shoulders a little not wanting to talk about last night at all due to the fact she still felt the pit in her stomach of guilt of even allowing herself the like chris and not trust madi enough to even tell her that you liked him.
"so mom do you want to come on in then"
she states as madi and her both step aside to let her in
"how long are you going to be here for"
"just the weekend"
"maybe we can all go somewhere and just hang out for a little bit maybe grab dinner does that sound good guys"
she asks everyone
"im fine with that"
nick agrees nodding his head
"mom"
you question her
"sure plus i want to see all there is about Boston since this is my first time up here"
"well the triplets can definitely help point out those key spots since they've grown up here"
"literally"
chris chuckles out admiring jess' laugh slightly
"cool so do want me to ride with you"
"umm.. im going to ride with jess and her mom is that okay"
"uh yeah of course"
madi and you grab your shoes and they all head out the door.
"soo"
she trails off looking the mirror at the two girls in the backseat of the car
"what's going on with you and Matt Madi"
"uhh"
" yeah i was going to ask about that i mean i knew you guys made up because i saw him come outside after i left you after you came back home"
"umm i dont know what you guys are talking about"
"are you sure because i remember clearly you being carried down the stairs by him this morning"
"in a skirt too at that madii"
you exclaim dragging out the 'i' in your best friend's name
"oh come on what is that suppose to mean just because we made up doesn't mean we are dating"
"so your telling me he hasnt tried to make a move on you after everything that happened yesterday evening"
she asks as madi kind of stares off into space getting flashbacks to last night of literally her and matt making out in her driveway
"oh my god he totally did didnt he"
"what no jess no"
"madi"
jess's mom exclaims trying to get an answer out of her
"OKAY maybe we might have made out in the driveway at like 2 in the morning"
"MADISON"
you exclaim at your best friend with your jaw dropped
"what i mean its wasnt like terrible"
she shyly replies.
"that you made out with your bestfriend the best friend you liked for literally ever or that he was actually good at making out"
"OH MY GOODNESS"
madi exclaims embarrassed
" just asking"
"OH MY GOD NO"
"it was definitely the second option"
you giggle out
"shut up Jess"
she exclaims pushing some of her hair behind her ear opening her phone
"just make sure you do and know what your heart wants madi"
"of course always"
Taglist
@dirtylittleheart333 @stayingstromboli @wh0resstuff @mintsturniolo @spicymuffins03 @emely9274
#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo triplets x reader#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fanfic#chris x reader#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo triplets smut#girlypopsquad🩵
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Is there Oneion facts we can know about?
THIS HAS BEEN ON MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG OMG IM SO SORRY, HERE'S SOME FACTS ABOUT THE BABY BOY
(the baby boy in question is ten years older than me)
I'm gonna go canon stuff first, then some fun crossover stuff:
The version that I'm using is 35-ish years old (a few years before the movie events), he's been the leader of the resistance for around a decade
He still has all his brothers and loves them very much, would kill and die for them
Way more chill than One is right now, still a beast on combat
One can manipulate vines only using the seeds Draxum makes, Oneion can summon them at will from the ground with little issue
In the story he mostly goes by Leo now, very few people call him One (but lets keep calling him Oneion to avoid confusion)
The protesis he uses is an old one from Raph, but he outgrew it and gave it to Oneion when he lost his arm. It was a bit ridiculously big for him at the time, it's still a *little* too big for Oneion, but by the time he's 40-something (movie events) its gonna fit right in
The scarf he has is not the same One has, but as One's it was a gift from Draxum, he has carry the same scarf the whole apocalypse
Still has a lot of gold accents on his clothes
He's still the best fighter out of the four turtles
He loves being around kids but doesn't, he's afraid of hurting them. He knows he didn't had a normal childhood but is not 100% aware of what part was normal and ok and what part is not, and he rathers not take a chance and do something wrong.
He ends up enjoying teaching martial arts, tho he doesn't like being called sensei, and he wont spar with anyone bellow his level (again, being afraid of hurting them)
Casey Jr becomes the exception to these
Crossover stuff!
he can and will beat the shit out of One, he knows how much One can take so he's not really worried about that
when the apocalypse started he basically lost contact with the multiverse, so no fun crossovers for him. Until by the power of "@intotheelliwoods started doing fanart of Oneion before I even had finished his design" he had access to the multiverse again!
First of his "old frieds" he saw was Poptart and Sprout (2al huggy leos) and first thing he did was to hug Sprout<3 (well, he first kinda yelled at him but I'll draw that some day)
I don't think he has met again with the rest of the separated council? I don't remember if I've stick him in any crossover situations
he loves hugging Poptart, he's teddy bear size<3 and he'll never get tired of calling him his friend and loving him "the way he deserves" because he still hasn't forgive himself for the shitty way he treated Poptart (dont worry about it)
he fucking destroyed the attempt of a slau/2al crossover time line
he says he's fine by it but he keeps bringing up the "jawbreaker" incident, I dont think he got over it, actually
he hangs out with Sprout a lot
something something, being with Sprout makes him feel like a kid again, and it makes Sprout feel like a kid again because Oneion reminds him of Big Leo
Sprout and Oneion have a spa day, they deserve it<3 they also go shopping together. Also, they are not exactly good at cooking but they try and they love working together on the kitchen
Oneion got the "Oneion" nickname by Sprout and Poptart
he stronk. he can lift Sprout with no problem, and even Toast
if you wanna have a good time scroll down the besties tag on ell's blog or mine (2)
#dg rambles#separated leo au#rottmnt separated au#do it have an oneion tag???#i dont think so#the besties#< mentioned
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streaming comic-makin sessions would be a nightmare cause i know damn well id just be digitally pacing between twitter and youtube before actually doin shit. it'd be like trying to host a writing stream where everyone would look at a blank canvas for half an hour as i try to figure out what the fuck im gonna do
#snap chats#having a whole ass crisis ignore me#this is one of the rare times where drafting a comic is taking longer than five minutes uh oh#i have one more commission to do this week but i wanted to finish the outline to a comic i wanna do#but the problem is i wanted to try writing it as a full fic first just to see if i could get myself familiar with the vibe i wanted#and now aint NOTHIN gettin done cause yk my comics are At Max six pages long with me#but this one should only really max be one or two but when i put shit into fic form i feel like i gotta make that shit longer ?????#like bro you coulda wrapped this up a thousand words ago bro we JUST needed an outline we dont need all this extra shit#like Welcome Back To The Demo We All Know i hate having the conundrum of not knowing if i wanna make an idea a fic or art.. horrendous#so now im stuck in that very familiar rut where its like. Thing I Want to Do vs Thing I Have To Do vs Other Thing I Want To Do#cause alternatively i could just go straight into making a rough draft of the comic cause In My Mind's Eye i think i have what i want#but yk. wanted to try 'scripting' for once in six months and now look where we are..#in any case im just gonna go make a rough sketch of that commission i guess and see how i feel when i come back#i especially want to finish that commission cause i do want to try streaming again this weekend so.#best to have that out of the way so i dont worry#ok im gonna stop procrastinating now bye
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it doesn't feel real to me fellas. but I don't have time to sit by and chat and unload unfortunately so I'll just drop this and be on my way, cya kind folks very soon ✌️
not professional but I liked how his eye looked goddang it. I knew I was screwing myself but I did it anyway
#don't worry ill actually be screaming in my reblogs now and again if I dont get to make a post soon with my tremendous mound of m#messy words#guyz😫 i watched it 3 days ago and i still cant believe it happened#it's definetly cause i dropped out of the anticipation train for the last like what 5 months? just slapped me like a truck with a hand#bb jeezez christ im so happy fellas it's so goofy and best of all it feels safe(I COULD BE VERY WRONG)#ya know me tho. things in life be pretty tough so i keep my hoping and optimisim for the escapism spaces 🙏😌#anyway i can't stick around and tag ramble im afriad. if i don't come back soon#at the very least count on me during the summer!#.... but also no way im not atleast watching what everyone will be saying about this season#i have an ambition to draw something small after every episode release. so we'll see!#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#digital art#weston college arc#black butler anime#kuroshitsuji anime#kuroshitsuji: kishuku gakkou hen
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Quick ugly doodle of cassidy contemplating her sexuality at some dump somewhere
#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#rose of sharon cassidy#fallout cass#veronica santangelo#yeah sure ill tag her too#art'd#LISTEN. IF I DONT TALK ABOUT MY CASS/VERONICA IDEA I WILL EXOLODE#basically they meet thru stim and like veronicas interested but gives up the idea pretty quick cuz cass is “straight”#and cassidys like omg finally a woman around here LETS HANG OUT GIRL BEST FRIENDDD and veronica goes along with it#but after cass tries to get her to oogle at dudes with her one too many times as a bonding activity veronicas like#cass im so sorry i cant do this im gay and cass is like (brain fart) um font worry im a hashtag ALLY.#and then she mentions she also sleeps with women and veronicas like ????? that does not sound straight to me#cue cass being like pshhh whatever and then having a multi long sexuality crisis#and also becoming obsessed with veronica in a very gay way for some reason#sorry my demons took hold of me#i love dumbass bisexual cassidy you guys dont get it......or do you (eyebrow raise)
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having a normal one watching Bdubs lim life tonight and thinking about how when Bdubs betrayed Tango in last life, Skizz told Tango that for the sake of team best he had to go and forgive him.
But when Bdubs boogey kills Skizz in lim life before team ties is even really formed, Skizz is allowed to have it out for Bdubs for almost the entire first half of the season, even when the clockers ally with them and it would've been easier to let sleeping dogs lie.
Tango, the perpetually extraneous and undervalued member of his alliances...the too often shoved aside and betrayed...being told it was his duty to the team to forgive bdubs and move on....
But no one—especially not Tango—tried to tell Skizz to let it go.
#and like. now im thinking about how no one is ever really ride or die for tango. ever#people are allied with him but no one PRIORITIZES him#as a team rancher fan myself id be tempted to argue Jimmy is but you can just as easily point to how that was in a way self serving#and I dont just mean with the soulmate mechanic so worrying about tango was worrying about himself for jimmy#but i mean it in the way of jimmy was so worried about tango because#jimmy was worried about HIMSELF being the thing that hindered him and dragged him down#whihc is not to say that jimmy didnt also worry about tango#but it is to say that the dl rule set played heavily on jimmys insecurities and fears#he was most of the time worried about himself. YES because of how that affected tango. but also because it served his guilt complex#and so his intentions were colored by that as someone whos incredibly willing to make himself the problem whenevr he sees fit#whihc is again nothing on him hes my fave ya know i love the guy#i just mean even in double life where by design it shouldve happened tango wasnt made anyones top priority#not in the way that we come to see it across many other pairs. not in the obsessive worrying about his safety#or just in the general Being Weird About Each Other Way#sure you could argue skizz and tango last life...tango was for a while skizzs priority—until skizz shifted his sights to team best#even when team best wasnt giving their all backt o him that was skizzs focus#and if tango were really his priority over the wellbeing of the team such as it was for bdubs and etho#skizz wouldnt have tried to make tango forgive bdubs after he was betrayed#skizz wouldnt have kept asking tango to give more and more to a team he got little if not nothing out of over and over.....just#GAH! NO ONES EVER DEVOTED TO TANGO!!! NO ONE EVER CHOOSES TANGO TO BE THEIR //PERSON// THEIR. HES NEVER SOMEONES TOP PRIORITY#again im nto saying teh ranchers werent devoted to each other you know i love them more than anything in the whole world#i just mean. not in exactly the way i mean....#and not completely when jimmy was so (understadnably) preoccupied with trying not to carry on his curse again#especially while attached to someone else#worm says
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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ok chat clocking out agan sorry
#im having Thoughts agaon#i might turn off anon rn#quit sending me weird shit#im fourteen. im still barely a teenager. you are being a creep sending this to me#and whatever ADULT was in my inbox#it says ON THE CAN#ON THE CAN!!!#adults DO NOT INTERACT#idgaf if u had my best interests#get out!!! out of my inbox#and the other anon i dont have much to say to u#bc idk if yr a friend or a mutual or just some random bitch following me even tho u hate me#but if yr a friend or mutual#just. tell me pls 🙁#im starting to panic bc idk which friend of mine hates me#i think i can match the typing thing and how they word shit w one of ny friends#but we dont even talk a lot#and they havent SHOWN any signs of hatinf ne#i have like one friend who matches it and acts like he hates me#but like#he hates everyone#pls just tell me#i wont answer the ask for everyone to see if u tell me that way#its okay if u hate me and yr my friend#just TELL ME so i donr have to do this anymore#bc im starting to consuder just cutting off everyone i know and making a new circle of friends so i dont have to worry abt this anymore#and even then ill still worry#this was such a bad idea#im going to fatally harm myself#<- nsrs
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Just had the idea of doing a Roxy askblog that's based on it being a secret blog she's not allowed to have and every so often if someone asks her something she just says stuff like "To the Fazspy reading this, I'm not the real Roxy." to try and throw the staff off her trail lmao
Will probably never make a blog like that, but it could be kinda funny. Maybe I bring the idea of an 'ask Roxy anything' game back where I draw the answers for it instead so it's not a whole ass blog dedicated to Roxy being a sneaky lil shit on the internet
#there's several reasons I probably won't do it but it's a fun spin on stuff#roxy exploring the closed off parts of the plex in first person lmao#taking pictures like 'look see? its right there!' and she's pointing at literally nothing because the camera doesn't see what her eyes see#could be funny!#but doing things is... I would say it's improving but not really#it's improving in a maybe it is maybe it isn't sort of way so who knows if I'll ever get to do it anyway#ANYWAY yeah I'll probs not do this. literally no one would interact with it#the people are bored of my plex history stuff anyway so like... yeah it's cool I know when something won't work#an askblog only works if it gets asks and uh yeah the amount of askblogs I've seen die off within a week here because of that is crazy#no thank you to that I think!#I'm not putting the effort into something like that just to have it die so fast#hi if you read this far go find an askblog and pester the shit out of them it's fun#I haven't seen any around for a while but I also can't view half of tumblr on my phone#so it's really fucking hard to see them even if I follow them :(#but yeah if there's any sb askblogs out there or anyone that wants to have a go at it tag me in a post.#I WILL show up to be silly in your inbox though I may not always remember the plot if there is one#again. I can't see half of tumblr on mobile and that includes blogs but I'll do my best man#askblogs are fun! they're goofy and chaotic!#highly recommend!! I haven't ran one in years but they were very fun!!#ANYWAY Roxy just making posts like 'Jerry. Sandy. I know what you two keep doing in the Gator Golf caravan. :)'#just name dropping random plex guests to be like 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' for shits and giggles#'who are they?' 'oh just two morons that dont know I know Everything Ever. Don't worry about it.'#ya know?? fun! goofy shit! could be funny!#random pictures from inside the plex like 'lmao they think I cant see them' and its just a fucking wall like yeah I wonder why#maybe it's the fucking wall in the way who knows? it's a mystery sdfdsf#pop rox talks
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Wish i knew any fat people who had a mastectomy to talk to about it
I feel like the only people i know who had top surgery are skinny or average and cant help me with my worries/questions at all
#i especially wish i knew any fat people who went to the specific surgeon i plan to go to#does she also say the patients need to lose weight first? how do i find that out??#i dont want to lose weight because im worried ill get into unhealthy mindest about it again and i also think its stupid#but i dont think theres that many surgeons in switzerland that i could just find go to someone who doesnt care (and shes the best apparently#oh i hate this so much#ill try to ask when i make an appointment but i doubt ill get the chance to talk to her directly#my weight is such a complicted topic for me anyway i dont know how i would deal woth the surgeon telling me to lose weight as well#im fighting so hard to like myself the way i am and this is fucking me up so much#can you tell im having a shit day#mine#delete later
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last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth
#NO WONDER... MY JAW IS IN PAIN ALMOST ALL THE TIME.... HUH..#i wonder if that period where i literally couldnt move my jaw from the pain for like a week was when it was emerging#otherwise the pain is like not awful. not bad enough it's noticeable u know im used to it i have so many aches n pains in my body naturally#like my entire head has a constant ache. if u touch my cheekbones ill drop my head like a cat into ur hand dude it is .#it's like the most relieving ache . like u have just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. and it's been that way since i was a kid#i think i googled if thats what it was before n they were like no if it were your wisdom tooth youd know :) it would hurt u so bad#which i despise btw because this means nothing to me BHJAH.... like they said the same thing when i broke my foot the nurse that did intake#i was a kid & she was like dont worry if it were broken youd know and you wouldnt have walked in here on it ... fellas . it was broken#& i could never see anything when i looked in the mirror#but it's just because it's slightly covered by like swollen gums back there which i always thought was just because i chewed too hard#but.#no i guess it;s because something was erupting like an alien#i used my lil pokey tool to squish em out of the way and i can see it#it's so weird just having a tooth u know u shouldnt#like i . i want to just grab it i want to just hold it in my hand#why does it have to be so securely in place whihc is something i wouldnt never say for my other teeth HJBA#i am not going 2 have it removed any time soon im .#i have wanted to go to the dentist my whole life but i am too scared#esp w the damage from my ed and depression im so embarrassed#i honestly want to though#there is nothing that would make me feel more like an actual person then to just. get a cleaning#get my maintenance done LMAO#i do my best at home but u kno#i use an electric spinning toothbrush i floss i use mouthwash i do it all 2 try n handle what damage there already is#but it still would do wonders for my mental health and oral health#apparently partial impactions which is what i have can be really bad n get infected so . aha...h. 👍:).. ..h.
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do you want to learn all kinds of things and be a more well educated person? has it been a while since youve thought about killing yourself? school can change one of those things
#i love spiraling#the thought process goes something like this:#im definitely gonna fail this school year→which sucks ass bc i was already supposed to have finished school next year so being held back#again is. not great→why tho→bc im bad at school dont apply myself at all have done jack shit all year and am too scared to ask teachers for#help. bc i have social phobia→why havent i told this to my parents sooner tho and asked them for help? ik they would do anything they could#to help me and wouldnt make me feel bad at it theyve never been like that→well bc im ashamed and also didnt want to put that on them. they#have enough to worry about without their 18 yr old daughter acting like shes a middle schooler→ok well failing the kast year of school would#definitely still be putting that on them tho. theyre gonna have to worry and put plans they had for when u finished school on hold etc. so#ur stressing them out and being a problem anyways→well the best course of action would be to kms then sincs thats the only way i can truly#stop being a problem for my parents forever→oh fuck not this again cmon
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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please please please let me get the job that is 11 minutes away from me on quiet roads and not have to take the one with city traffic three traffic circles and a scary turn amen 🙏
#genuinely the job im interviewing for i would turn out of my driveway on a quiet rd turn onto the road my house is on the corner of#which is also pretty quiet#then go straight for ten minutes#the other one i have to choose between a scary turn or doing three rotaries 😬#only one of the rotaries is bad but still#also!! my friend and mentor works at this other place and the ratio of kids to teachers is way better#pay would be about the same to start but im hoping they'll eventually be able to pay more#bc it seems like s pretty fancy school tbh#anywayyy#im really anxious abt the job i accepted so i hope i can switch to this other one#but even if they dont hire me i still have a job so its not the end of the world#im just such a terrible oblivious and nervous driver lol#and im lowkey worried ibcant handle the kods at the first job#some of them are very difficult and one of them has serious behavioral issues she should probably have an aide assigned to just her but ala#but the ratio of teachers to kids is 8 kids to 1 teacher which is really hard at that age#and i've never worked with such a large class before#i applaied for the baby/toddler teacher but they asked me to do prek instead which has more behavioral issues imo#but the other job w my friend is toddler#which is a fun age to work with#so hopefully i can do that#also im not totally sure but i think that I would literally be co teaching with my friend#which would be awesome bc she already thinks im the best lol and we work well together :)#and my co teacher at the other job seems kind of mean :(
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Wow there sure are a lot of posts about [specific trigger I have] lately. I've unfollowed some people over it. Some have posted opinions I disagree with very strongly; some have posted opinions I do agree with. Either way it bothers me too much to see it. I don't want [specific trigger] mixed in with my Cat Photos And Memes App.
So if I've randomly unfollowed you recently, that is probably why.
#sorenhoots#i cant even make a dni about it because i cant say it or type it because its too big of a trigger.#“you cant hide from things you dont like” is an irrelevant argument. ive been trying to cope with this for 20 years and i do not benefit#from Surprise Random Exposures. it stresses out my brain so badly. also i do hide from this thing IRL as much as i can. “if you dont get#exposed to it youll never get over the trigger“ thank you very much for your concern but my mom brings it up to me multiple time a week and#it gives me nightmares that make me scream myself awake and then procede to have horrible mental health for hours or days so. i dont want#anyone to think im being weak! it takes self-introspection and bravery to remove bad things from my environment. im taking care of myself in#the way that works best for me. i know that nice people wont be mad at me for that but...i guess my brain is just worried about other people#mocking me for it so i am pre-arguing against it. which doesnt do any good but. idk. anyways. send post.
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