“How can you miss someone, you've never met? 'Cause I need you now, but I don't know you yet…”
“But can you find me soon because I'm in my head? Yeah, I need you now, but I don't know you yet…” (“IDK You Yet” by Alexander 23)
Being devoted to a fictional character for about 21 years can be challenging from time to time. Sure, it’s called “having a comfort character” for reasons, and I can’t deny, that my long lasting love for Severus Snape has given me the much needed comfort and consolation all over those years. He was by my side, whenever I felt the urge to escape from my traumatic reality…and fuck…there was way too much in my life, which made me flee to Severus. Don’t worry, I won’t mention all these experiences in this text (I’ve already done this in one of my other pathetically whiny posts).
But there’s another issue, that comes with the adoration for a fictional character…something torturous, heart-wrenching and devastatingly painful: It’s the piteous longing for someone, who will never be mine in real life….a goddamn feeling, which is eating me alive! Of course, I’m still coping with my current situation of being doomed to a life in darkness (fuck you, ME/CFS!!!!!) by writing my own ridiculously self-inserting fan fictions about Sevy and Jules…only for myself…solely to soothe my troubled heart. Furthermore, the many artists of Snapedom might know me as someone, who’s requesting immensely personal artworks for my blog…always using them to emphasise my journal entries here.
But there are times, when this isn’t enough anymore! I’m surrounded by Severus in my dark room… one could say, that I’m living in my private Snape-and-Wizarding-World-in-general-Museum. 😅 Everything here feels like my very own comfort blanket, which I’m pulling tighter around my trembling body to create a sensation of warmth and safety. And yet… yeah… and yet, I’m fucking lonely! Lying in darkness and solitude all day makes this cruel longing for Severus become agonising and almost unbearable. I’m bawling my eyes out for someone, who will never be able to hear my heart crying out for him. And to be honest: In my age, this is a sentiment, which I’m absolutely ashamed of!
For the past 21 years, I’ve known this miserable emotion only in this exact context. But now, something happened, which made the confines of my heart and the walls, I’ve built around myself, shatter into pieces…leaving me vulnerable and emotionally churned up like never before. Becoming close and trusting friends with someone, who’s living so far away from me - separated by the ocean - turns out to be blessing and curse at once.
Suddenly, I feel confronted by the same emotions, which my pining for Severus provokes in my heart…a yearning for a deeper connection - regardless of the relationship’s nature between us friends. And just like in the song, which I’ve mentioned above this text, I’m asking myself: “How can you miss someone, you’ve never met?”
Fortunately, I’m able to reach out to my friend in these occasions. I don’t have to weep over my fan fictions or my art collection…no, I can just grab my phone and annoy the fuck out of my beloved confidant. And I think, this is beautiful! 🥹
For this heartwarming piece of art, I’ve commissioned my friend @alinearthp once again. I asked her to draw Severus and my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules as young adults…going out to grab some butter beer in “The Three Broomsticks”. Whenever my longing for Severus becomes too strong, I’m trying to imagine him doing something casual like that with me…and now I’m doing the same with my long-distance-friend. For this reason, I’d like to dedicate this loving post to him. @preciousthelmadonna, you’re in my heart and in my thoughts every single day, since I got to meet you on tumblr. Despite those 6095 kilometres, which separate us from each other, it seems as if you’re right beside me, whenever we’re talking about everything and nothing at once. I’m beyond grateful for our connection, my love. Thank you for being you.
Oh, and @alinearthp, you made me smile with this cute drawing of Sevy and Jules! Thank you for your understanding of my ideas and for each of your lovely and kind messages! Feel hugged, my dear!
🖤Severus & Julia🖤
🖤Sevy & Jules🖤
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I've been playing this game called Sea of Stars and I am no longer normal about it.
I literally need to go to sleep but all I can think about is that fact that my fav, my boy Garl (photo below) is going to die and I have to be a normal person in the morning.
This boy waiting TEN YEARS (not knowing he'd need to wait that long) for his best friends to finish school and trained ALL ON HIS OWN so they could all go adventuring together once they were out.
They (the trio of friends) try to prove themselves as kids causing a monster to attack and Garl protects his friends losing an eye in the process (not a spoiler literally the prologue to the game).
He sneaks in one night (to their magical school in the sky) to leave them cookies cause he misses them.
He's the voice of the group because surprise of all surprises, two kids spending the entirety of their formative years (like 8-18) only having each other and 1 teacher do not develop adept social skills.
Those two only had each other for ten years and after meeting Garl again NEVER make him feel left out or like they out grew each other.
He wants to stay be their side forever.
They want him with them forever.
AND HE IS CURRENTLY ON THE VERGE OF DEATH AND I HAVE TO GO TO BED BECAUSE CAPITALISM DEMANDS I WORK IN THE MORNING!!!!
How am I supposed to be normal about this?!??!?
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As someone who is emotionally attached to Eren Jaeger as a person first, and a villain second, I think there is just something so tragic beyond the level of sadness his character gives. He has been doomed by the narrative since the beginning, we all know what his end was going to be - and yet. And yet, the hope that maybe there was something over those walls that would not end up as badly as it did remained until that last frame, as forgiveness Eren would never allow himself has been bestowed to him. He will always remain as the boy who sought freedom, but in the end, never achieved it. And there is simple despair in the fact that he tried so hard to change, so hard to make it better and the uncertainty of whether that was ever enough. Eren never lies to see the day. And that, I think is both poetic and heart-crushing, because it represents the death of a dream that he desperately fought and killed for and that has disappointed him as he thinks he has disappointed everyone else.
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