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threelivesthreeworlds · 1 year

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@hyeyouuu asked : thank u for the translations for the excerpt from lotus step!!! do you have any expectations about Bodhi’s Fate in terms of storyline? of course, at this point we would all be happy if the novel could just see the light of the day but I think the characters of mo yuan and shao wan really open up a lot of room for a potentially very exciting story. also going with the current timeline and considering that the prehistoric era didn’t really have a separate mortal realm yet, I’m not very sure about having a long mortal arc with many reincarnations and stuff for the two of them… like has mo yuan not suffered enough during the 200000+ years that shao wan has been gone for 😅

You're welcome!

And no, we don't really have any solid guesses for what bodhi fate's plot is going to look like. Everything that's been uncovered in terms of when Mo Yuan and Shao Wan shared exposition/past page time in the pillowbook extra and lotus step seems to be building toward lotus step plot more than bodhi fate. What we do know is this: Shao Wan is very good at building arrays, and she's left them intact and behind in places where they still now activate in the present timeline. We also know that Mo Yuan has hidden away all of her information - including presumably her writings and also any arrays she might have been working on. Whether this was simply because he missed her or because something in those papers was important to the fate of the universe - that's yet to be known.

I think once Shao Wan comes back we can assume that it's likely the demon realm, currently in 7 pieces in present timeline, may come together again. Or she'll just advise all 7 as their ancestor. This may very well overturn some of the Realm's politics as we know it. Very likely we're going to reach a scale of powerful antagonist as of yet previously unseen because our main characters are a pair of ancient gods rather than the previous ancient god/not quite an ancient god combo. We'll very likely have to deal with Mo Yuan's grief and refusal to understand Shao Wan's choice to make sacrifices for the universe when he believed there to be another way, and probably Shao Wan's awkwardness in terms of being a person with personal feelings who already realizes (as seen in some passages of lotus step) that she's hurt Mo Yuan very deeply.

I think xianxia as a genre likes to play with the mortal realm. I don't know that bodhi fate will necessarily have one, however! Historically there have been cases in this series where the mortal realm arc doesn't take much prevalence - in pillowbook, for example, the mortal realm only took up half a chapter of page time through the point of view of Ye Qingti. So, I don't think bodhi fate will have a long mortal realm arc unless the themes or the plot dictate that it must be so - which was the case in lotus step. And, if I'm honest, personally prefer the mortal realm portion of lotus step currently - so you'll never know until you read the book if you'll like a mortal realm arc or not.

As for suffering - I gotta tell you, I don't think anyone doesn't suffer in these books. If the fave is a protagonist, a 40 meter angst knife is comin this way.

#hyeyouuu #admin ro answers #bodhi fate #((all of this is speculation!!! u can agree w/ me or think it will progress diffrently))#((i'm just working off my available piecs))#((and even then it's not much))

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rq-gift-exchange · 2 months

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2024 Fourth Wing Gift Exchange Masterlist

Xaden/Violet

Violet Sorrengail's Guide to Spinning a Scandal by @caeli0306 for Cee_Darling (Cee_hoc)

Zihnal Must Hate Us by aspensquake for overjoyedisland

you will be healed and come back again by zencetera for HLizR50

Quiet Day In by lynnthere_donethat for shoo0637

Questions, Comments, Concerns by Kobo for aspensquake

Some Version of You by @booklover721 for caeli0306

Stolen Moments by Meyelemon for amberswansong

Fill Your Empty Spaces by @korrinamoe for sliebman10

Lights by Emjen_Enla for booklover721

Nothing Up My Sleeve by Nivaria for Kobo

Coming Home by @sliebman10 for tinyghosts

Get In, Loser, We're Going Shipping by oopsireaditagain for Meyelemon

I'm With You by ShadowMami for Aethelefaie

Bodhi/Ridoc

Pink Pony Club by @yanny-77 for everyone in the Rider’s Quadrant Discord Server and anyone who participated in the exchange

Perfect Storm by @hoeelliexx for Yanny77

Red: Basgiath’s version by @bestbookfriends for alltoowellread

Garrick/Imogen

I Belong In Your Arms by @sarahydeart for Lydibug522

Death of a Hero by @alexandia03 for siobhanbooks

The Odyssey of Imrrick by @ubiquitouslyme for AlexanDia03

Haven't Told Her by @sarcasticmothwrites for kalix_glaeser

I Think I’m in Love by @istarbel for justanothersarah

Homesick by @widebrimmedhatsblog for istarbel

Aaric/Sloane

The Grape Escape by @alltoowellread for korrinamoe

Yield by HeadCanonHeadCase for Fireheart_Rose

I’m Still Me by @hlizr50 for HeadCanonHeadCase

Brennan/Naolin

This can't be real by Portujules for Fantasy_bookwyrm

Resurrect My Heart, Too. by @greeneyedwildthing for Jeyfeather1234

Like fireflies to a flame by Jeyfeather1234 for Madame_Ladle, @benetnaschshugo

With You by ILoveMyThighs (curlyhairedkatniss) for shoo0637

Poly Ships

Xaden's Day Off by @alittlegirlwaitinginagarden for SuebsWrites

Thunderstorms and Sunshine by @tegantales for widebrimmedhat

Never Not Mine by amberswansong for TheBookworm_Writer

Enchanted by @suebswrites for Ubiquitously_Ubiquitous

Solace by @taumoebaa for Starfall_Spirit

Dragon Centric

Scales of Devotion by @witch-and-her-witcher for ACourtofLadyDeath

A Ray of Light in Shadowed Clouds by SaraNova for zencetera

Last One Standing by @acourtofladydeath for xadenviolet

X-reader/OC

Together At Last by We_were_beautiful for ScrumptiousDinosaurWizard

Our Time by @garricks4thwingqueen for We_were_beautiful

Together by HeadCanonHeadCase for Garricks4thwingueen

Liam/Violet

Learning in Aretia by overjoyedisland for to_be_real_now

Close to You by Cee_Darling (Cee_hoc) for Nivaria

Dain ships

Heart It Races by amberswansong for Portujules

Measure Up by SaraNova for Nedeit

Thnks fr th Mmrs by @copperfirebird for gemmaspumpkins

Liam/Jesinina

A Scribe's First Rider by Scarlet_Aeon for GreeneyedWildThing (TheWrittenMaze)

Bodhi/Sloane

These Games We Play by @starfall-spirit for hoelliexx

Other/Ship Neutral

Visiting Home by @quihi

The Book Cat by justanothersarah, SuebsWrites for taumoebaa

How to not kill a dragon by Nedeit for lynnthere_donethat

Hangman (Teach Me How Not to Cry) by tinyghosts for Nedeit

just keep your head above by copperfirebird for Scarlet_Aeon

Letters from the Family Sorrengail by gemmaspumpkins for Quihi

Dear Brennan by SuebsWrites, Yanny77 for copperfirebird

Pulling Rank by HLizR50 for E_Hyde

A twist in fate by Fantasy_bookwyrm for copperfirebird

The Idiots of Basgiath War College by @siobhanbooks for oopsireaditagain

With Best Intentions by Nivaria for ShadowMami

#2024 rq gift exchange #fourth wing fanfic #fourth wing #iron flame #the empyrean #onyx storm #fanfic #rebecca yarros #the rider's quadrant

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callsign-rogueone · 4 months

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not alone - r.g.

Ridoc Gamlyn x reader part three of Ridoc and Sweetheart’s story. words: 1.8k 🏷: Iron Flame spoilers in a vague sense, reader experiencing the joys of RSC, implications of torture but it’s not shown, mild panic attack / anxiety spiral / self-deprecating thoughts, bring tissues maybe, “happy” ending, Ridoc (and Sawyer) to the rescue! I am so stuck on the first-date scene that I just skipped it for now but it will happen eventually, I promise!!

This has to be a dream. It feels like something out of an adventure novel — waking up in a literal dungeon, chained to the wall.

“Rhith?”

You wait a few seconds, but she doesn’t respond. Oh, gods, what if she… no, she’s okay. She has to be okay, because you’re okay. Maybe she’s asleep or off hunting or something.

But she’s never not responded to you before. She’s always replied, always been there to assuage your worries and remind you that it’ll be okay, just breathe.

Breathe. Deep breaths, think about the butterflies… You look up, seeing no trace of them, no flutter of blue wings in the dim mage light of the room that you can’t seem to brighten, either.

You try it again, picturing them more clearly, thinking about the patterns on their wings and the colors… Nothing.

Something is definitely wrong.

Why can’t you make a simple illusion? Is your signet broken? Is that why you’re down here? Is this some kind of reconditioning? A punishment? Or are you here to be executed for being defective?

“Rhith?” you try again, still working to steady your breathing, but every second that passes without a response only tightens the knot around your heart.

There’s no use. She’s not going to respond, because she’s given up on you, finally realized she’d chosen poorly, that you aren’t fit to be a rider after all, and decided to do away with you before the next Threshing, where she could choose a better rider, one who doesn’t need constant reassurance and hand-holding like a child.

The door swings open, a uniformed infantry officer stepping inside, here to decide your fate. He’s fully armed, a short blade in his hand, ready to carve into your skin or to pierce your heart, put you out of your misery — to thin the herd, to separate the wheat from the chaff.

“I’m sorry,” you plead, as if that will change her mind. “I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll try harder, I’ll prove to you that I can handle it, just please don’t give up on me, don’t leave me here to die, please…”

He scoffs at you. “Crying already? This is going to be easier than I thought.”

You can’t dry your tears with your hands tied behind your back, so you settle for blinking them away and willing them to stop — you need to be strong if you want to get out of this room alive and see your brother and sister and the rest of your family again.

Family. That’s it — to convince them you’re worth it, you need to be someone else, someone who is worth it, like your brothers.

You’re going to get through this. You’re going to endure whatever they put you through like Garrick would, and do it all with a straight face like Xaden, and be brave like Liam and smart like Brennan, and then Rhith will take you back, and everything will be okay again; you just need to stay strong.

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Ridoc can’t find you at breakfast— you aren’t sitting with Bodhi and Imogen and the other marked ones like you always do. Maybe you’re sleeping in, he decides. The thought is a small comfort to him, but he can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.

He hadn’t seen you all weekend, but that much is normal — he’d spent Saturday afternoon with his friends at the tavern in town, and you aren’t the going-out type; you’d rather curl up with a book to distract yourself from the rest of the world and it’s cruelty.

You hadn’t answered your door when he’d come to extend you the invitation, but he’d just assumed you were elsewhere. And your relationship is new, anyway, new enough that the word relationship probably isn’t the best to describe what the two of you have — you’ve been on two dates. You aren’t going to be spending every hour of your spare time together.

But you aren’t at morning formation either, and as he settles into his usual seat at Battle Brief, you’re still nowhere to be found. There’s no denying it now; this isn’t a series of coincidences, this is a pattern, and something is definitely wrong.

Second squad seems to all realize what’s happening at once.

“I’m sure she’s okay,” Sawyer tries, but Ridoc seems unconvinced, bouncing his leg under the table nervously. His eyes snap toward the door as it creaks open, one person walking through.

You make it up to the back of the lecture hall, settling into the open chair beside Ridoc, your usual spot these days.

Everyone’s eyes widen at the cuts and bruises across your arms and face, knowing there’s likely even more covered by your clothes.

“Are you okay?” Violet asks in a whisper, knowing it’s a stupid question, but wanting to say something anyway.

You nod, chewing your lip. “I’m fine, but I can’t feel Rhith. I don’t know what happened.”

You’ve been trying all morning, had tried all night when they’d finally left you to sleep… you haven’t heard anything from her in two full days, but the infantry officer had let you go free, so you must have passed whatever test they’d given you, decided you were worthy of being a rider after all.

Guilt flickers in Ridoc’s chest - he should have told you, given you some kind of warning. “They did the same thing to us last week. It was something in the water. It’ll wear off soon, I promise.” He holds a hand out, a small icicle forming in his palm that he wraps in a piece of soft fabric. “Here.”

You take it from him, holding it to the killer bruise forming on your jaw from where the officer’s fist had nearly broken it. “Thank you.”

You’re exhausted. You’d barely had enough time to shower before class started, and you’re pretty sure you’re concussed; it’s hard to think, and everything is too bright in here, too loud…

You turn your gaze back to the professor, but don’t take any notes, don’t make any move to take a pen and paper from your bag, letting your eyes fall shut as Devera continues her analysis. It goes in one ear, out the other, but you know none of it is true anyway, or if it is, it’s only half the story.

The ice is starting to melt against the warmth of your skin, dripping down your wrist. He takes it back, letting it disappear into thin air and pocketing the wet handkerchief silently, resting an arm on the back of your chair and pressing a soft kiss to your bruised temple.

You blink awake at the sound of everyone getting up to leave — you must have gotten almost an hour of sleep. It’s taken some of the edge off, but your entire body still aches as you rise from your seat.

“Aotrom says she’s on the flight field,” Ridoc says, shouldering your bag before you can protest. “Do you wanna go see her?”

You just nod in response, your jaw still aching too much to speak. You make the walk up in silence, your heart clenching when you see Rhith standing there, waiting for you.

The comforting voice is finally back in your head. “Hello, sweet one.”

“Hi,” you say aloud, voice wavering.

She lowers her head to you, letting you stroke a hand over the dark green scales of her nose. “I would never want to replace you, sweet one. You are just as strong and just as valuable as your brothers, and I chose you for a reason.”

You realize that she’d heard it all, your desperate pleas for her to spare your life, the promises that you’d be better, thinking she’d abandoned you…

“I’m sorry for thinking that, I just… my signet stopped working, and I couldn’t hear you…” you’re going to cry just thinking about it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she soothes. “Try it again.”

You take a breath and close your eyes, picturing a butterfly. When you open them, you can see one floating through the gentle afternoon breeze. You add another, just to be sure that it wasn’t a fluke, and another… three of them now, content to flutter around in front of you.

Ridoc is still watching you, silent. The look of relief on your face breaks his heart.

He realizes that by separating you from Rhith, they’d taken away your only friend in that room. He’d had Rhiannon and Violet and Sawyer by his side the whole time, but you’d been entirely alone; no marked ones, nobody from your squad — you’re the only second-year left. They’d taken your best coping mechanism as well, your ability to self-soothe with your gentle projections.

Rhith looks up at Ridoc, who stands a respectful distance away, your bookbag slung over his shoulder. “She says thank you,” you relay for her, “for taking care of me.”

Ridoc smiles. “Always, sweetheart. Now let's get you to the healers, hm?”

He holds out a hand, and you hesitate a moment before you take it, intertwining your fingers loosely. His skin is warm against yours, soft, gentle, safe. When you make it down the hill and across the bridge to the infirmary, you almost don’t want to let go.

You stay as close to Ridoc as you can for the rest of the day. He treats you incredibly carefully, even after you’ve been mended back to normal, the cuts healed and bruises faded completely.

You’re grateful to wake up in your own bed the next morning, silently getting ready for the day and falling into your place at morning formation.

“Atken,” Dain calls, gesturing for you to come see him. “You’re being transferred.”

What? Why? Your heart races, but you follow him silently, stopping in front of a different squad, in Fourth Wing.

“I think you already know most of your squadmates,” he prompts.

You take a good look at them — nearly all of your friends; Imogen and Sloane and Violet, and now Ridoc and his friends too. You might cry. “Thank you,” you say quietly.

“Don’t thank me, thank those two. They made quite the argument for transferring you.” He nods toward Ridoc and Sawyer — they both smile at you, Ridoc grinning from ear to ear, Sawyer looking rather bashful.

“So you won’t have to be alone anymore,” Ridoc answers before you can ask.

You fall into the formation beside him, reaching over to hook your pinky around his in a tiny show of appreciation. “Thank you.”

He smiles at you, warm and bright, keeping your fingers interlocked through the morning roll and announcements.

Maybe your second year won’t be so bad anymore.

#ridoc and sweetheart #ridoc gamlyn x reader #fourth wing #fourth wing x reader #mine #ridoc gamlyn

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she-whatshername · 2 months

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EVEN MORE Tyrrish Headcanons you didn’t ask for (Xaden, Garrick, Bodhi, Imogen, aka the Kitchen Table crew)

AN: Wow I’m just posting everything but a chapter update to ‘Drifted’ aren’t I? Writing about trauma is hard for me, and IDK why i chose to make Cree’s character full of it and pair her with Bodhi who’s…surrounded by it. But, what’s a fanfic without a little author induced torture, right?

ANYWAYs, let’s get into it

Garrick, Imogen, and Bodhi would draw straws on who would have to update Xaden on Violet during her first year before Liam was tasked as her bodyguard. Bodhi never drew the short straw but was always the one who ended up telling Xaden. He carried on the tradition after Garrick and Xaden graduated.

Bodhi is viewed as the little brother of the group for two reasons. One, he always was one step behind Xaden and Garrick and a physical year younger than him. And two, despite everything he's been through, he never let it take away his humanity. Xaden cruelly jokes that Bodhi is the only one in the revolution with a still beating heart

Bodhi only 'broke character' once during his years at Basgiath when someone in his squad used a particular slur when referencing his deceased mother. Garrick and Xaden had to drag him off the cadet and dispose of the body and make a cover up so he didn't get charged with breaking the codex. It was their first trio heist together before the actual weapons operations.

Garrick didn't talk to Imogen the first month of her year at Basgiath because he was ashamed of all the horrible things he'd done in his first year

Every one of them has cried in front of Xaden at least once. Even Imogen, though she was heavily inebriated

Also, everyone has cried in Bodhi's lap. Even Xaden, who was also heavily inebriated.

Xaden didn't want to let Imogen into operations at first due to her unpredictable emotions; Garrick convinced him otherwise. When Imogen thwarted not one but 4 separate attempts on Xadens life, it was one of the first and few times he actually admitted to Garrick that he was right.

When Garrick and Xaden found out that Bodhi lost his virginity to someone at Basgiath the two literally detoured from their weapons operations to find out who it was like the protective and nosy older brothers that they are.

Imogen snorts when she laughs. She rarely laughs as deeply as she used to so when it does slip out, it instantly makes everyone feel like they aren't in a active war and that they're back home in Aretia.

Bodhi, Xaden and Garrick have all had sexual relationships with Fliers/Poromish people. Imgoen has not and refuses to out of what she calls 'pride and respect for dragons.'

I think all Tyrrish folk are pretty open and fluid about their sex lives until they find their person. Much like fated couples or mates, its Tyrrish tradition to find 'your person'.

I think they all marry for love only and Xaden's family dynamics are the outlier. Though I think Fen's 'person' was Tyrrendor the country verses Xaden's mother.

Because of this, Xaden grew up with a warped perception of romance and relationships. Also, he's fluent in all Tyrrish history and customs. He knew and spoke Tyrrish before the common language, and learning the common language was very difficult for him.

Also, Imogen is Garrick's person, 100%.

Xaden got his ego, wit and charisma from his father but his aunt, Bodhi's mother, taught him a lot about actual charm.

It was actually his aunt who, upon finding out that then 13 year old Xaden ghosted his girlfriend, made him go the the gardens and pick fresh flowers and hand deliver them to the girl's house with a handwritten apology declaring his 'boyish stupidity'.

Before the unification, if someone finds their person and they choose to marry, the couple would create a rune specific to the joining of their love/family house. Xaden giving Violet a book on weaving textiles was NO coincidence.

Tyrrish weddings are fun as shit (Why yes, there is one in 'Drifted'). In fact, there is a 'Cardulo Clause' that states that any wedding guest who drinks beyond their fare share at a wedding ceremony most pay a balance to the respective wedding partners. This came in part due to Imogen's great, great grandfather who, legend says, drank an entire keg to themselves during a wedding.

Okay now I'm actually going to go back and write 'Drifted'.

#fourth wing #the empyrean #xaden riorson #bodhi durran #garrick tavis #iron flame #imogen cardulo #creesha devayne #Tyrrish headcanons you didn't ask for #The kitchen table crew

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 10 months

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omg yes please write something for bodhi, i’m trying to find something because he just sounds such a nice person and hope he appears more in the next books, i also love xaden but i think he belongs with violet so i don’t wanna interfere there ahaha

If u want ideias idk maybe like a new student who was also obligated to go to the riders quadrant and she’s a sunshine and so he got a soft spot for her even tho they shouldn’t fall in love because that quadrant is ruthless u know? ahaha

At the first glance

Bodhi knew it was done and dusted the moment he caught a glimpse of your hair twirling across your face as you tried to keep your posture steady while on the parapet. For some reason the moment his eyes caught a glimpse of you that was the only thing he could look at. The only thing he could focus on. And something about that exact moment made his heart clench.

He had watched so many cadets cross that path. He was done flinching. Done caring that much. Bodhi too had mastered that cold expression Xaden wore but something about you, had made him lose all of that cool demeanor. A stone chipped beneath your feet making your right leg dip and Bodhi took a step forward without even thinking. "What the fuck are you doing?", Xaden hissed beneath his breath. But Bodhi didn't as much as stopped to listen, stepping closer to the very end of the parapet, to get a better look. "Bodhi", Xaden called out once more.

Your body swayed as your eyes darted down. Fatal mistake Bodhi thought to himself. A scream left your lips as you tried to find your footing, panic making you even more clumsy. "Eyes up here", Bodhi shouted through the wind. He could hear Xaden walking closer to him but he wasn't gonna budge. "Hey, eyes up here!", he shouted at the top of his lungs. And that's all it took for your frightened gaze to dart up.

From your frail body, Bodhi could tell that you had never even planned to be here. Pale skin was yet another indication that you spent little time outside. So there was no way you had magically woken up and chosen this fate for yourself. "You got this, you're almost there", he shouted as you rose back up to your feet. "We don't do this, Bo", Xaden pulled at Bodhi's arm but the male yanked it free instantly, "You interfere and I will throw you over the edge". Something gleamed in Xaden's eyes. For a second Bodhi was convinced that he was going to be the one airborn but not on his dragon this time. However, all that Xaden did was back away as he scowled at the crowd that had formed, making the noisy group break apart.

Bodhi's eyes were back on you as you neared the very end. Only now did he catch a glimpse of your damp cheeks. The bleeding lip no doubt from you biting it hard as you tried to concentrate. He knew the rules, he couldn't interfere. Couldn't help. No upper hand was allowed. Yet the closer you got the more Bodhi's hands itched to reach forward. You gasped as the solid ground neared. Nearly crashed into the rider waiting for you on the other side.

Bodhi's arm instantly wrapped around your lower back as he lifted you off the end of the stone ledge and into the solid balcony. Your knees buckled but Bodhi held onto you firmly. His other hand brushed over your damp cheeks, "Pull yourself together till they mark your name, then I'll find you a safe corner", he whispered, softly, blocking you from the rest of the people there. All you managed to do was nod as you pretended to shove him away, trying to take self-assured steps.

Bodhi met Xaden's eyes across the room. The look was displeased, to say the least. But they were family. They understood each other. So Bodhi didn't need to plead. Didn't need to pull any strings, at least not for now, to keep you safe. "Name", Xaden asked. You braced yourself against the table. The wing leader knew that hazy look all too well. "Name cadet?", he repeated. You blinked a couple of times, "Y/n Y/l/n", it was barely a whisper.

A loud cry echoed from behind you. Some gaps filled the room as the cadets rushed towards the windows. Someone no doubt had fallen and death strangely entertained people up here. Xaden looked at Bodhi, with a quick nod, pushing past you. And then you felt hands on you. You tried to move away, push yourself back but it was for nothing. "No, please", you breathed out but a hand quickly clasped over your face. Then the darkness of the side corridor fell upon you. "You're safe, I won't hurt you", Bodhi muttered, looking over his shoulder.

You eyed the man in front of you. You heard stories about the riders. About the brutality of it all. Bodhi turned back to you, "I'm Bodhi, you did good out there". You swallowed thickly, "I nearly fell...", you muttered. "But you didn't, you just can't show anyone your weak spots", his hands held onto your forearms, "The moment someone sniffs out your weak spot you're dead", Bodhi himself frowns at the coldness in his tone. Your eyes gloss over with nee tears that rip at Bodhi's heart.

"I never wanted to...", you brace yourself against the wall, looking so small that Bodhi had to fight an urge to wrap you up in his arms and snarl at anyone who looks at you the wrong way but he knows that wouldn't get you far. "I'll help you get through this", he said firmly. You shook your head, "I have nothing to give you", you wiped the tears away quickly. Bodhi simply smiled at you, "Let's call it a partnership at first glance", he extended his palm to you. You looked at him with confusion in your eyes for a moment before you shook his waiting palm, "Welcome to the rider's quadrant, sunshine".

#bodhi durran #bodhi durran x reader #bodhi durran x you #bodhi durran imagine #bodhi fourth wing #bodhi forth wing x reader #bodhi fourth wing imagine #fourth wing imagine #fourth wing x reader

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dilf-din · 4 months

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Hold Me (Till I’m Clean Again)

A Rebelcaptain fic

WC: 2500

Warnings: whump with a sweet ending, canon typical violence, lots of blood, heavy war themes, these boys are fated as fuck

Author’s Note:

Y’all have this post to blame for this. It’s been consuming me since I saw it. It was fun to explore a moment of weakness for Jyn, I don’t usually let her crack.

READ ON AO3

“Where is she?” Cassian asked no one in particular, his voice stretched thin with desperation.

His eyes were wild with concern as he scanned the hanger. Two cargo ships had just gotten back in from supply runs, and there were dozens more bodies and droids crowded around than usual.

Ti’zo, one of the returning pilots, gestured over her shoulder to the U-wing in the center of the hangar where Draven and some of the other high ranking officers were forming a wall around the crew.

Cassian thanked her with a nod and pushed through the swarm, ducking behind cases of rations and racks of new uniforms. He wove between carts stacked high with wooden crates and droids scanning shipping labels and updating the inventory database instantaneously.

“Mission abandoned. Emergency departure. Critical condition.”

Six words.

The vague transcript they had received from the crew on Coruscant had replayed in Cassian’s head a hundred times over the course of the afternoon while he waited for the confirmation of their return.

They gave no indication as to what went wrong. It was a simple mission. Not even a real mission by definition. Jyn was accompanying Mon as security to an impromptu senate meeting about some stirring dissent in the outer rim. Cassian didn’t even feel the need to go with them, declined the invitation to stay behind and catch up on paperwork. Every time he let his guard down, something like this happened.

His parade of self deprecating thoughts was momentarily paused when he finally reached Draven, placing a hand on his shoulder to alert him of his presence.

If Draven knew or cared that Cassian was there, he gave no indication. His jaw was tight and his arms were crossed over his chest while he listened to a cacophony of people try to recount the afternoon’s proceedings and take vitals of the returning crew.

Mon was perched on a crate getting examined by a medical team, much to her apparent disdain. She begrudgingly allowed the nurse and med droid to scan her, poke her, and prod her while she repeatedly insisted that she was fine.

Her light pink outfit was thoroughly saturated with blood, and Cassian’s stomach turned as he wondered who it belonged to.

In front of her stood a very nervous Bodhi, tripping over his words while he babbled on to Draven.

“Well, see sir, I was, I was on the ship. I didn’t see any of what actually happened,” he stammered, pausing only when he met Cassian’s eyes, and his face was overcome with a deep pleading look.

Cassian’s stomach turned again.

Bodhi reached beyond Draven to pull Cassian through the wall of people and closer to the ship.

“Jyn. She’s. She’s okay. Well, she’s not okay, but,” Bodhi stuttered out just as two more nurses descended the ramp with Jyn in tow.

Her feet dragged and scraped against the pleated metal, and her arms were slumped over the two men’s shoulders.

She was drenched in blood. The soft locks of hair that normally framed her face were plastered to the side of her head. Her once pale white skin now shades of crimson and rust, just two hollowed out emerald eyes staring out.

“She won’t talk,” Bodhi warned, placing a gentle hand on Cassian’s chest before letting him rush to her.

The med team lowered her onto a mechanic’s bench, and Cassian followed close behind but was stopped by an outstretched hand.

“We need to examine her,” the one who seemed to be in charge explained.

Everything in Cassian screamed at their idiocy, and he did his best not to erupt. She didn’t need strange hands on her treating her like just another hour of work to get through. He had seen this same haunted look in her eyes before. He had been the only one to pull her out of it then, and he certainly would be the only one to do it now, after the years they had spent together. No one knew her like he did.

He bit down so hard, he was afraid he would crack a molar.

Jyn was still catatonic, staring off into the middle distance as the men worked diligently to check all the pointless boxes on their holopads. Her body offered no resistance as they bent her limbs every which way, posing her like a shell shocked doll.

“Oh for heaven’s sake, just let him talk to her,” Mon chastised with a stern look on her face, the click of her heels on the tile floor alerting the men to her presence. Her right wrist was in a brace, but she looked otherwise unaffected by the events of the day. Her honey gold hair was still perfectly swept, and the authority with which she carried herself had certainly not been shaken.

“At most, she’s got a few contusions. She’ll come down to the medbay if she really needs anything,” the senator continued, with a look on her face that let them know they were dismissed immediately.

“Yes ma’am,” they both answered with a nod, sweeping their equipment into a bag and retreating across the hangar.

Cassian closed the distance between him and Jyn in an instance, squatting down to try to catch her gaze. He drew her hands into his and gave them a squeeze.

“Jyn?”

Her eyes tracked across the room in search of the body belonging to the voice she called home. It sounded like it was coming through 10 meters of water. Static roared in her ears, she felt completely disconnected from her body, unable to take back control of her limbs.

“Jyn?”

Cassian.

Her neck lulled downwards, and she caught the gaze of his earnest brown eyes. Like a signal fire in the dark, calling her back to shore.

Jyn opened her mouth, but she left her voice in a puddle of blood on Coruscant.

Cassian and Mon were talking, but she couldn’t hear it over the buzzing in her ears.

“She’ll talk about it when she’s ready, just get her cleaned up,” Mon assured, resting a well manicured hand on Cassian’s forearm and giving it a squeeze.

Cassian scooped Jyn up bridal style and carried her off to their quarters. She hung heavy and weightless in his arms at the same time. The stench of death made his eyes water, but he blinked back the tears. Holding her against his heart reminded it to beat again. His whole body began to regulate with the nearness of her.

He whispered soft assurances into her ears, promises to get through this, whatever it was, together.

Jyn couldn’t hear him, but she knew he was there. Her hand tightened around his shirt, bunching it between her fingers, slowly coming back to life.

Cassian fished out his key card with one hand, bouncing his knee up to balance Jyn’s shifting weight while the door slid open. He bumped a light on with his shoulder and carried her to the fresher, starting the water immediately so it could warm up.

When he circled back around to help her undress, Jyn looked at him with pleading eyes, like an animal caught in a trap. His fingers quickly worked at the buttons of her shirt, lamenting that it was ruined and it was one she quite liked.

Cassian noticed the fear on her face, pausing to caress one of her cheeks.

“My love, what have you seen?”

Static.

Help, she mouthed.

Cassian continued the task, but slower this time. Like every movement was a well rehearsed ritual. This wasn’t like the other times they had shed their clothes for each other. This was sacred in a different way.

Her shirt was sticky from blood and sweat as he peeled it away from her shoulders. The white of her skin a welcome hue in the midst of all the red.

“Thank you,” she murmured as he unlaced her boots and gently cupped her calves, removing them one by one. Probably the one item that didn’t get completely soiled, he thought.

Cassian quickly stripped to his briefs and tested the temperature of the water with his hand before pulling Jyn in with him.

As soon as the water hit her shoulders, she drew them up in relief, leaning her head back to get under the stream even more.   Jyn closed her eyes, and let the water cleanse her of the day. It ran rivers down her face and into her ears until she felt like she was submerged. The feeling of nothingness was a glorious reprieve. She just wanted a little longer before she had to face it all.

Cassian pulled a wide tooth comb off of the counter and began to work it through the bloody mess of her hair. The handle had small, crystalline shards of kyber in it. He had picked it up for her as a life day present a few years ago. With gentle motions, he separated out strands of her hair and brushed it straight beneath the shower stream. He raked water through her hair until the it turned from a deep rust to mostly clear once more.

He then reached for the good shampoo he had also picked up for her, squeezing a generous amount into his palm before working it into a lather, hoping the sharp smell of mint would mask the muck of the day. His fingers dragged against her scalp and down through the ends of her hair. She stood still as a statue, her eyes still closed, and he thought she looked beautiful.

Veins of ivory traced down her cheeks from the hot water, and he decided to clean the rest of her face next. Using a soft rag, he dabbed at her chin and forehead, taking care not to scrub too harshly and irritate her skin. She liked to joke about how he made her soft. Coaxing her into long showers and using soaps that smelled of far off worlds, of a quiet life away from the war.

Each drag of the cloth against her skin, and she became more herself again. The sins of the day ran down the drain to be forgotten and dumped into the sea somewhere.

Cassian was left staring at her soft lips and pinking skin singing a thousand silent hymns of praise that they had both made it through another day. That when this was over, they would crawl into the same bed and hold each other till morning. Till dawn breaks through the darkness, painting the sky bright and beautiful and anew.

When he shut the water off, she opened her eyes, trading a look of battle weariness for that of one ready for sleep. It was still early in the evening, but he would gladly shelve the rest of his responsibilities to lie there with her.

They dried and dressed in silence. Cassian offered her his favorite sleep shirt. It was pilling and fraying on all sides, but unbeatably soft. She took it with a small smile, one that barely upturned the edges of her mouth, and slipped it over her still damp hair.

It wasn’t until they were nestled under the covers with her face firm against his chest that Jyn finally spoke. Like his heartbeat shook loose everything stuck in her head and she could finally hear again. For just a moment, she indulged in only being able to hear the rhythm of his breath and the thump of his heart. She cherished the signs of life they shared. The rise and fall of his chest, the warmth of his exposed skin on hers.

With a shaky breath she began, her voice smaller than she meant it to be, “It was bad today, Cass.”

He shifted under her slightly, turning his head to assure her that she had his full attention.

“What was bad?”

Jyn closed her eyes and swallowed. A long moment passed before she spoke again, this time with a steadier voice.

“There were groups of people petitioning to speak with the senate. They traveled for days, some weeks, to be there. Working people from the outer rim. It must’ve cost them a fortune just to get there. They told stories of imperial occupation. Stormtroopers raiding villages, stealing already scarce crops,” it was at this point the venom he knew well had crept back into her voice.

“These people work their whole lives away with nothing to show for it. They just want to provide for their families,” she said bitterly.

Cassian’s thumb rubbed small lines against the point of her elbow while he listened to her.

“There was one boy from Sorgan, and he— well this group of Rodians was getting rowdy when their time came to speak. They started getting violent, and then all of a sudden there were people firing off shots in a civilian area. One of them grabbed the boy and held a dagger to his throat while he made awful, impossible demands for his family. I tried to step in but,” she trailed off.

“They slashed his throat and then started killing each other. One of them held a gun to my temple while I tried to help him as his mother screamed from the sidelines. It was too late. He was already choking. Severed his carotid.”

Cassian listened intently.

“Melshi had to drag me back to the ship. We had to get Mon out of there, but. I should’ve been faster. I, I should’ve,” she stammered.

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” he said with a hint of incredulity.

“He was just a kid. He couldn’t have been more than fourteen.”

Cassian thought of himself at fourteen.

“That could’ve been me. That could’ve been any of us. It was a massacre. The empire driving people to madness.”

She closed her eyes once more as a tear slipped out.

“And I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save any of them.”

“It’s not your job to save every person,” he reminded in a whisper.

“He was just a kid, Cassian.”

“And today, it was him or you. I’ll always choose you,” he said finitely.

Jyn frowned. She knew he was lying through his teeth, that he would lay down his life in an instant for someone in need.

But tonight, she would let it lie. She was tired to her very bones. Every thing that made her who she was was depleted. Her body, her heart, her convictions. Some days were easy. Some days she buried it deep, rationalized through the lives lost and the ground the Empire stole from innocent families. Some days she strategized and pulled the trigger without a second thought. But sometimes the loss permeated everything. It seeped under the door like a sinking ship about to capsize from all the unnecessary weight it was taking on.

She thought of coming home to an empty bed, and knew the fear he had carried on his back today.

“Cassian?”

“Yes, love?”

“Don’t let me go alone next time,” her voice wavered. The whole day, she wished he was next to her. She longed for his comforting touch and commanding presence. His safety.

“I promise,” he left a lingering kiss on her temple, squeezing her shoulders closer into his embrace.

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fic #jyn erso #cassian andor

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