#bro today is the worst and the universe probably told me to stay home for a reason but i wish i could have made some money at least

[justghostthings]

Has anybody ever tried bumble BFF lol

[delicioussshame]

Please donate to my campaign. My goal is to get friends for Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan almost jumps out of his skin when he hears a knock on the door. No one had ever visited Luo Binghe since he came to stay here, and he had gotten the impression that it wasn’t that Luo Binghe had sent his usual visitors away for his guest’s sake. He does believe that his favorite student had been dreadfully lonely, these past few years.

How somehow as endearing as Luo Binghe ended up alone and friendless, Shen Yuan cannot fathom.  

Still, if someone is knocking on the door, the doorman must have let them in? It must be important then. Shen Yuan cannot imagine nobodies are allowed anywhere within this complex.

He thinks about texting Luo Binghe to ask, but what if he disturbs him? He must be busy, away at his important job while Shen Yuan does nothing but lazing around. And Luo Binghe did imply that he wouldn’t be ashamed of Shen Yuan’s presence no matter what, so… let’s test that, shall we?

Shen Yuan opens the door.

Shang Qinghua’s frazzled expression faces him.

Shen Yuan almost closes the door in his former colleague’s face.

“Wait, what, Shen Yuan?! Woah, I had no idea you went back to your parents, I thought you said that bridge had burned. Anyway, would love to catch up, but I’m on the clock and at the wrong place, sorry, gotta go or my boss is gonna kill me, bye!”

Shen Yuan stops Shang Qinghua by the shoulder to stop him from leaving. “If you were looking for Luo Binghe, not that I have any idea why you would be, you’re not at the wrong place.”

“Really? Why? How? Is there a story here? Cause it sure seems like there’s a story here. Tell me the story! But later, I have to deliver this?” He waves a boring manilla envelope like it’s supposed to make sense.

“Who still sends letters?”

Shang Qinghua shrugs. “My boss.”

“You’re a mail carrier now? Nice upgrade.”

“Well, I do what I have to do, I don’t live with the country’s most eligible bachelor. Seriously Bro, what happened here? Isn’t he a bit young for you?”

Shen Yuan is sure his blush is terribly incriminating, but he can’t help it.

“Wow. You have to tell me now.”

Shang Qinghua is acting terribly familiar for a guy Shen Yuan hasn’t seen since graduation. “Why should I?”

But Shang Qinghua has already let himself in, unceremoniously dropping the envelope on the nearest table and taking everything in with wide eyes before he lets himself fall on Luo Binghe’s designer couch without a care in the world. “C’mon. Fess up.”

“How about you? Why are you even here? For all I know you’re a thief trying to rob the place.”

Shang Qinghua snorts. “Not exactly my speed.” He shrugs. “Teaching didn’t pay the bills, got an administrative assistant job instead and somehow ended up working for one of Luo Binghe’s associates, hence the private delivery service. How about you? When I saw you earlier, I was sure you were retired and profiting off that sweet family money, but was I wrong? Or is this those Shen connections at work?”

Shen Yuan frowns. Why did he even tell this guy about his family again?

Oh yes, because he had been young, stupid and drunk: the university experience. “No. Luo Binghe is a former student of mine. I’m visiting.”

Shang Qinghua gives him the world’s judgiest look. “Visiting.”

Shen Yuan nods, face still as a lake. “Visiting.”

“While Luo Binghe isn’t there.”

Shen Yuan nods again. “It’s a long visit. I’m staying here right now.”

“At your former student’s house. Look, I’m just gonna say it: sleeping with your student is bad. Don’t do it! That way lies lawsuits!”

“Former student! And it’s not like that!” Technically correct. They haven’t slept together, not in the way Shang Qinghua implies they did. “He’s just lonely and a bit deluded. It’ll pass.”

Probably.

No, not even Shen Yuan believes it at this point. One can only be kissed so often before one has to face reality: Luo Binghe certainly thinks he cares about Shen Yuan more than a student should care about any teacher.

Shen Yuan just isn’t sure what he should do about it.

“If it’s not like that, which, Bro, you’re not making a good case for, you’re staying with him because…?”

“I’m on vacation?” Shen Yuan lies back on the cool leather. “It’s a nice place for it, and cheap.”

“And your “former student” was eager to host you. You, his high school teacher? Because from what my boss told me, Luo Binghe isn’t exactly famous for his openness. I’m half-certain Mobei-Jun sent me here as punishment. He wanted someone else to chew me up this time.”

Shen Yuan snorts. “Still very competent, I see.”

“Well, at least I was teaching my students, not offering “extra credits” if they stayed after class. And since when are you into men, anyway? You always acted like you didn’t notice when men hit on you.”

“Men never hit on me.”

It’s Shang Qinghua’s turn to laugh. “Glad to see that didn’t change. Luo Binghe must be something, to have managed to get through you. What did he tell you, that he wanted to bend you over the nearest desk? Anything less and you’d have been blind to it.”

For fuck’s sake can Shang Qinghua stop saying shit that embarrasses the hell out of Shen Yuan? It’d be very appreciated.

“Oh shit, he totally did! Go him! Did it work? Tell me it worked!”

“No! Can’t you shut up for once in your meaningless life!”

“Not gonna happen. I need to know more. He made a move, and you’re living with him now? His charisma must be something else. At that speed, when’s the wedding? No, wait, how long has this been going on? We haven’t seen each other in forever, you might have been “visiting” for three years as far as I know.”

This is torture. “Didn’t you say you had somewhere to be?”

Shang Qinghua waves his attempt at deflection away. “Forget it, this is way more interesting. Even Mobei-Jun will want in on this. Sooooo?”

Shen Yuan sighs. “I’ve only been here a few weeks. As I said, it’s just a vacation. I’ll leave once the school year starts again.”

“Why can’t you stay here anyway? That dear student of yours must want to keep you, right? Unless you’re really being bankrolled by your parents, this is way nicer than anything you could possibly afford.”

“No matter what he says, I’m not becoming Luo Binghe’s trophy wife.”

Shang Qinghua’s eyes widen. “Ooh, your student wanna be your daddy? He’s paying you to keep you around, is that it? Oh, that has to be it. Explains the weird evasiveness thing you’ve got going on. Never knew you had it in you. I’m impressed, really. Much better gig than my own. I wish my boss would pay me to lounge around on his expensive furniture. I’d be great at that. Plus, you know, it’s not like it’d be a hardship. Mobei-Jun is scorching. I’d be his arm candy any day. Maybe he’d be less likely to murder me that way.”

Shen Yuan longs desperately to return to the web novel he so cruelly abandoned to let his worst nightmare in. “I’d give you my job, but honestly Binghe deserves better.” Better than Shen Yuan, too. “At least you’re into men. Makes things easier.”

Shang Qinghua’s face falls. “Are you telling me you’re not into him? Like, at all? Why are you even here then? The money can’t be that good. Return to your parents and get them to arrange a marriage to a rich heiress. Same result, plus you’re attracted to your partner. Better?”

Shen Yuan flinches in horror. “No! Not better! My parents AND some spoiled brat who only cares about my name? Fuck no. Binghe is infinitely better than that!”

Shang Qinghua laughs. “So you do like him! Good for you! Go get him, tiger!”

“No! Well, yes I do, Binghe is very likable, but not like that!”

“Oh my god can you hear the shit that comes out of your mouth? Look, you obviously trust him enough to agree to be his live-in boy toy, and okay, I haven’t seen you in forever, but whatever you’re doing is visibly agreeing with you. What were you doing anyway? It’s not like Luo Binghe is here most of the day.”

Shen Yuan shrugs. “Catching up on my reading, mostly.”

Shang Qinghua chokes. “Fuck you. He’s paying you to read? While I’m still trying to get pay to write? I hate you with every single atom of my being.”

“Wait, you’re still writing? Please tell me you’ve upgraded genre, at least.”

“Well…”

“Oh god show me now so I can change your mind before you waste even more of your life on this trash,” says Shen Yuan like he hadn’t caved and spent Luo Binghe’s hard-earned money on extras for novels he hates.

___________________

Luo Binghe is caught completely off guard by the loud voices echoing in his home. Even with Laoshi here, silence is what usually he’s greeted with.

Today, Shen Yuan’s voice is alight with what sounds like righteous anger. He can’t quite place the second one.

Luo Binghe follows the call like a sailor freed from his bonds.

He finds Shen-laoshi half-draped over his chair, Mobei-Jun’s lackey sitting at the desk Luo Binghe had bought for his teacher alone, both of them apparently enraptured with an argument about… bad literature?

Luo Binghe wishes he could be pleased with the sight of Shen-laoshi being this animated, but he can’t. He’s not the one who caused it. This little, insignificant man did, to the point that neither of them noticed his approach.

Luo Binghe taps Shen Yuan’s shoulder. “Laoshi.”

Both of them turn toward him, but only Shen-laoshi gets Luo Binghe’s tongue down his throat.

He is very pleased with the outraged look on his teacher’s face. “Binghe! Not in front of the guest!”

The interloper jumps out of Laoshi’s chair. “Guest? What guest? There is no guest, no one here’s. In fact, I should have left hours ago, oh god Mobei-Jun is going to kill me. Shen Yuan, please give Luo Binghe the envelope, sorry for bothering you both, talk to you later, gotta go byyyye!”

Luo Binghe watches the little man flee in terror with satisfaction. Good riddance.

Let’s see him try to contest Luo Binghe’s claim now. “How does Laoshi know Mobei-Jun’s personal assistant?”

“We studied together in college.”

Luo Binghe pouts. How could an old friend of Shen-laoshi find him here? “Were you two close?”

Shen Yuan shrugs. “Not especially. Why do you ask?”

That can’t be true. They were so at ease around each other. It can take Luo Binghe hours to get Shen-laoshi this relaxed.

He stays silent.

Shen Yuan stares at him. “Binghe.”

“…Yes?”

“I realise this is going to sound ridiculous, and for that I’m sorry, but are you.., jealous? Of Shang Qinghua?”

Luo Binghe might be pouting harder. “No. Why would I be jealous of one of Shen-laoshi’s friends he never told me about.”

A (very cute) smile appears shows up on Shen Yuan’s face. “You. Luo Binghe. Are jealous of Shang Qinghua.”

He dares to laugh! It’s not funny!

This time, Luo Binghe is definitely pouting harder.

“Binghe. Binghe. You’re you. Shang Qinghua is… Shang Qinghua. What do you have to be jealous about? He’s just Shang Qinghua! Come back to your senses!”

Well, that does cheer Luo Binghe right up. “Shen-laoshi likes me better!”

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. “Of course I do.”

Luo Binghe’s chest remains warm for the rest of the day.

[jxxvvxxkcrack]

Lee Jae Wook Vlive 21 June 2021

Stats

Total vlive viewers: 35675 Total likes: 2072339 Length: 1 hr 01 minute T-shirt: Unlock your life by Pars Co. https://www.parspars.com/product/unlock-your-life-rainbow-white-short-t-shirt/

He's on a diet now.

He threatened to turn off the Vlive a few times because of all the people who said they were not studying for their exams to watch it :P

He's growing out his hair now for the next project.

He had to ban requests for him to say fans' names in the middle since too many requests were pouring in for him to say their name. Don’t blame them lol.

Talking with fans

What is your next project? You should see articles about it soon Will you do more vlogs? It's difficult to do vlogs in the pandemic period since you need to wear a mask everywhere. What do you do in your free time? I eat a lot, sleep a lot, and exercise a lot. Can you donate your Jordan shoes to me? No I can't, and then launched into some anecdote about something about high school, which is unsubbed. When will you hold a fan meeting? Probably after the pandemic. "You're watching me at hagwon (cram school)? I will scold you!" And he did lol it was so cute. What do you do when you first wake up? A hot water shower, and then..? [unsubbed] Do you like overseas fans? Of course I do, I love my overseas fans. I'll come for you after the pandemic is over. Current favourite song: Recently, ‘Lost’ by Maroon 5 was released. It's the best. Will you do an online fan-sign event? That would be interesting! What's your MBTI? I haven't done it yet! Please do the MBTI! OK I will definitely do it! Can you do a bear heart? What's a bear heart? There's so much I don't know. Teleport vs being able to tell the future? This is an interesting question. I would choose to teleport. I live in the Gangnam area, and the traffic there is so bad! So I would choose 'Teleport'. (I didn't know he lived in Gangnam). Do you have a driver's license? Of course I do. Shoe size: 285mm Can you speak English? No, I can barely speak Korean well :P

-but in the middle he did say "Say hi to global fan" LOL-

Your favourite late night snack? Fried chicken, jokbal, and bossam. I spend a lot of money on food :P Would you date someone 7 years younger? 7 years younger? It's not a bad idea. I’m thankful (that someone 7 years younger likes me.) Would you date someone 7 years older? (laughs) It's a funny question. Why haven't you been seen anywhere in public? I don't go to many places, only to the gym and back to my home. Favourite snack: Goguma (sweet potato). It's sad, right? (Implying he's on a diet.) And then he randomly said he's tall but doesn't have good proportions (possibly someone asking why he exercises so much :P)

Do you like cats and dogs? I love them. I have a friend who has a shiba-inu called Chadol. It was so cute I went to his house every day to see his dog. You should eat more: You may not like me then! D: I'm studying Korean, study with me? I'm also trying to get better at Korean. Shall we do it together? (so flirty) Did you remove the mole on your neck? No, I didn't remove it. I won't remove it. What's your handphone wallpaper? It's a white wall with an orange stripe, somewhat Rothko-esque. He said he took it at his house's parking lot, and "It's pretty, isn't it?" Which celebrity friends do you have? (Playfully) 비밀 Do you like mint chocolate? I love mint chocolate. My friend told me not to declare this, and said that saying that I like it is a matter of life or death :P People say it tastes like toothpaste but it tastes nice to me! What colors do you like? Blue. Blue and dark colors. Isn't long hair uncomfortable? It is, but I will cut it one day. Your long hair looks cool: (Teasingly) I'm going to cut it soon~ Do you get along well with your elder sister?  Yes, I really like my relationship with her. Which of your characters is most like you? Lee Jang Woo from When The Weather Is Fine. (Is he that good in his studies? Lol. And then he said something about a unicorn, which I do recall seeing in the drama, I think he used "___ unicorn" to brag about himself to his younger sister :P) Jjajangmyeon vs bibimbap? This is really hard. Do I get to have soup with bibimbap? Favourite perfume: Can I say the brand? I guess it doesn't matter. Slow Dance by Byredo. It's my favourite perfume. Today's TMI: I woke up early and went to the gym. Do you ride your bike often? About 3 times a week? Oppa because of you I'm going to Chung Ang University: So you'll be my junior huh. (laughs) Oppa, can you close your left eye and point to your right cheek? (he obediently follows the prompt.. he’s really an actor lol) "You!! I almost fell for it! Gosh, my mum will pass out if she sees this." He revealed a two string bracelet on his left hand while adjusting the camera. Favourite dessert: Croffle? Croffle. I really like croffle. Current body wash: I'm using a body wash by Lush (only he says it as Lush-ee, which is just adorable.) Can you speak Japanese? I love animes but Japanese is so hard. I will study hard! When will you do a rap? I may try it one day. (I wonder if he knows about that old rap video floating around lol.) Dimples vs. Eyes: Eyes? I think he might be talking about his forehead wrinkles instead of eyes actually, so the translation is wrong. What animes do you like? He didn't answer, but said there are many animes on Netflix that he watches. Eating chimaek while watching the world cup? Eating chicken and beer sounds good but, my agency probably wouldn't like it. Can you say a line of Baek Kyung since it's been a long time? (playfully) I won't do it~ Iced americano vs. hot coffee: Iced americano. He said 'eoljuga', which roughly means 'I’ll drink iced Americano even if I freeze to death'. :P What app do you use most often? Naver? I have many things I need to look up :P Which of your parents do you resemble? Sometimes my mum, but sometimes my dad. Do you like kalguksu (knife cut noodle soup)? Yes, I love kalguksu and sujebi. Favourite ice cream flavour: Mint chocolate. (Bursts into laughter) Who do you like better - your mum or your dad: Omma. You thought I wouldn't answer, didn't you. (He has thanked only his sister and his mum in an award ceremony before lol. Poor Jaewookie appa) Oppa I'll date you: I'll reject your offer. (bursts into laughter again). Are you at the agency now? Nope. Please name the fanclub: This is hard. It (the fanclub) should go on forever, shouldn't it? Send an email to the agency. 5 year old Jaewookie vs 5 copies of Jaewook?: Of course 5 copies of Jaewook. One to exercise, one to work, one to stay at home and eat.. Do you dip or pour sauce for tangsuyuk? But, why would you pour water on fried food? I'll say dip. Jjajang vs. jjampong: That's hard! When working, jjajang. When resting, jjambong. *Nods sagely to himself* (Although he instinctively said 'jjampong' first). When moving house, jjajang. What message from fans cheered you up the most? It was this letter I got. It said "you make us happy when you're working hard, but don't work too hard." It cheered me up a lot. Soju vs. beer: Soju Cider (Sprite/lemonade) vs cola: Cola Do you eat pineapple on pizza? I think it tastes nice! Hawaiian pizzas. I also really like pineapple. Fall or spring? Fall. I really like spring too, but there are too many bugs. Small but definite happiness? (He understood the abbreviation immediately, which is sooo different from when the Running Man cast are introduced to any new lingo lol) When I bike, I don't drink any water. I have a routine; after biking, I run for about 6km, then I drink water. That water at the midpoint mark is so delicious. Oppa I like you, please scold me: Why would I scold you. I would compliment you :P Good job. Favourite boy group: BTS. They're so cool (safe answer!) Ramen vs. kimbap? Don't you eat them together? How tall are you? 187cm tall. Which variety show would you like to appear on he most? "I have never been on a variety show yet. Have you seen Kokkomu? When I watched Kokkomu I cried a lot. My tears came out like diamonds." lol. In reference to an earlier question. No idea what Kokkomu is. https://newsbeezer.com/koreaeng/kokkomu-which-was-just-popular-is-controversial-due-to-the-copying-of-the-youtube-channel/ Possibly this? Beef or pork? Pork How long have you been tall? I've always been tall. Then he gives a cheeky wink! Oppa can you go on on Knowing Bros? I'll have a hard time talking in banmal in front of all the sunbaenim. I'll do more Vlive in the future. *compromise* lol. Oppa kajimayo: If I don't leave, the staff can't leave work either :P Can you fill an hour (of Vlive?): Shall we fill an hour? Do you want to be in a play or musical? Of course I do. Plays require the best form of acting. What's the first thing you want to do when the pandemic is over? I want to go to a pork belly bbq place and eat comfortably without a mask. What's the worst part about acting? Every moment is hard. It's not an easy job. Why do you always wear 2 T-shirts? I like T-shirts but, but my sweat changes their color. I don't like that, so. Favourite overseas country? Filming Alhambra was my first time overseas. I didn't even take many photos. I want to send you T-shirts: Don't, don't! while vigorously shaking his head. (worried that his fans will spend money) What is your life movie? I really love Robin Williams. It's not my life movie, but I love the Dead Poets' Society. Did you really go to Alhambra? Back then, my role was really small, so I didn't really know what was going on, but (I did go to the palace? is what it sounds like.) Would you rather be 3m tall or have a 400mm shoe size? Wouldn't it be better to be tall? (what’s the point of having big feet?) Oppa don't go to the army: I have to go someday.. I still have a lot of time, and will work hard When will be our wedding? Am I getting married? (laughs) Pepsi or Coca cola: I like any cola. I'll go to the army for you: Andwae it will be hard! Although apparently it's not as hard as it used to be. Are your family members all as tall as you? Yes my family members are all tall too. What do you do on your free days? I'm a freelancer so I don't have free days.  How do you keep your skin looking so young? Lancome (he's now promoting Lancome). I came here right after a Lancome event. I really like Lancome. Tell me about your bracelet: I'll ask my stylist later :P When you come to Pohang I'll guide you!: I love gwamegi! (half-dried Pacific saury) Do you like to cook? I really like to cook. I love it so much even when people tell me not to cook, I will still cook. Oppa come to my school!: Which school is that? Tell me. Although I probably won't be able to read it. (cheeky smile). I'm really mean now, aren’t I. Favourite side dish? I like them all. Mokpo: Dodosolsollalasol was filmed in Mokpo. I ate aehobak jjigae (zucchini stew) there and it was amazing. Do Vlive at home? I'll figure out how to do it! I'll learn everything today. You use black and white hearts a lot on IG, what does it mean? It's the color of my tee. Just kidding, I just choose a color of heart that goes best with the photo. How much can you drink? Should I bluff? If I'm bluffing, when I drink alone at home, about 3 bottles? Just kidding, I get drunk after about 1.5 bottles (of soju). Favourite sports: Skiing, swimming, bowling. Was it hard to use a dialect in the Battle of Jangsari? Using a dialect was really hard. Can you do an IG live? I'm scared to do live - you can't make a mistake when all of you are watching. I have to be careful. Why aren't you seen in public? I answered that earlier, you are late. LOL. Your best dish? Western food? Something like risotto? Plans to film a movie? I want to but I should get offered first. Joking. Lol. I was told off for being late (the commenter above): Haha sorry.

Best fan questions/comments:

Live as a hamster or a ham forever?

Your pimples are so cute (mistranslation, she meant 'dimples'): "I have 4 dimples."

Don't smile, you'll give me a heart attack: I'm also having a heart attack seeing so many fans. I like it (that there are many fans on the vlive) but it's also scary. So cute.

Are you a microwave? You melted my heart: You're all so witty, jjinjjaru..

I'll make money. You just cook: You're so funny..

[chappedandfadedvds]

Nov 3rd, Tuesday 17:09

The sun was setting already, as it turned darker by the minute. Pretty soon they wouldn’t have enough light to continue shooting, but after close to two and a half hours, they probably had enough to work with anyway.

“Are you really sure though, I mean it would be quite sad to let her slip through your fingers. I’d definitely would go for it.“

„Then do it, Moyo, I don’t care. For the one thousands time. I. Am. Not. Interested!  Geez.“ Jens groaned loudly, almost glad that this was over and he could head home soon, he didn’t even knew why he was here. He should have stayed away and left right after Physics. 

But then he knew why. He had promised Robbe to come. Who was so excited that Sander could join to do their video and take some cool photos while at it, that Jens didn’t had it in his heart to cancel. And yes the footage looked awesome. Any other day he’d be more then stocked to have this. 

I only if it wasn’t for Sander asking Lucas to join them in front of school, so he could take some photos of him as well, as apparently Sander knew how much Lucas liked to skate. Because of course Sander knew. They were chatting on instagram. Unlike Jens and Lucas.

Jens had tried to formulate anything really to send to Lucas, but deleted it all instantly. It all sounded cliche and awful. He wouldn’t believe himself.

„I think you actually should. Maybe something comes from it, what is the worst she could say? No?“ Aaron suggested to Moyo after Jens had given up on talking to them. And starting now, listening to them too. He was busy watching Lucas from his place sitting on the stone wall overlooking the half pipe. The dutch boy was really great actually, so much so, that apparently Sander already had the shot he wanted. Him, Robbe and Lucas all huddled around the camera display talking enthusiastically over each other.

He hadn’t had a single chance yet to talk to Lucas alone. The boy had disappeared out of the class room right as the school bell had rung yesterday. And today they didn’t had a period together til P.E. and then Physics. But for some damn joke of the universe Jens wasn’t in on, all three of the broerrrs seemed to have been stuck to him, as they just were around constantly.
Lucas also appeared fine. He laughed and joked and talked just like any other day, with the dreadful difference that he didn’t sit or walked next to Jens, as he had done every day before. He stood with Aaron the whole time in P.E. and after school sticked to Sander, happily chatting away.

He looked absolutely fine, when it was anything but.

It was frustrating. 

Jens was sure, he would have preferred it if Lucas had avoided him and his group altogether, this felt like torture.

And as if this couldn’t get any worse, they wouldn’t have in person classes until presumably december. Effective immidiately the news reported an hour ago. It meant that maybe today was his last chance to see and talk to Lucas, outside of unhelpful future Zoom classes.

Fuck Corona.

Not really, numbers where high and given his mothers state, he probably shouldn’t meet people anyway, even though his mother insisted that Jens should not neglect his social life just because of her. At least he didn’t have to explain his absense from school tomorrow. He could just say he ditched online classes. They had done so over summer quite a bit anyway.

Shouldn’t the three boys be on their way back over by now? Jens thought observing them standing close to each other, camera forgotten, hanging from Sander’s left shoulder. He couldn’t see Lucas really, the boy standing with his back towards Jens. But it seemed like a serious conversation, as Robbe and Sander listened intently. Out of nowhere it appeared like, Robbe suddenly pulled Lucas into a tight hug, his arms slung around the boys body saying something into Lucas’s ear, while Sander looked sympathetically at the pair, beginning to stroke the dutch boy’s back. 

Was Lucas crying?

Shit.

Was it Jens’s fault? Did Lucas tell them? What would they think about Jens now?

It had just been a dumb kiss yesterday. A kiss Jens didn’t mean. Surely it couldn’t be as bad, right? 

Right?

Aaron and Moyo apparently noticed the scene finally as well, as they got up concerned, grabbing their boards. And pulling Jens with them, while they were at it, over towards Sander and Robbe comforting Lucas.

Realising they were on their way to join them, Robbe seemed to let Lucas know, as the boy suddenly straightened his back, his hands wiping away tears possibly, as he got out of their embrace. Yet Sander’s hand remained on Lucas’s back just between his shoulder blades.

He definitely had cried, Jens noted, as the boy desperately tried to swallow down the soft sobs that didn’t quite had stopped yet.

„Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s actually okay. Just emotional is all.“ Lucas apologised with a genuine smile on his lips. Jens was at least pretty sure it wasn’t a lie and so seemed Aaron and Moyo to take it too. Both of them patting Lucas’s arm.

„Bro, don’t do this. I was actually thinking someone died or something. But yes Sander’s pictures can have that effect on people.“ Aaron joked in an effort to lighten the mood, shaking his head at the dutch boy, who seemed to feel already a little better.

„What happened though?“ Moyo inquired, but was left unanswered as Robbe interrupted and began to talk instead.

„While you are all here. Sander and me actually wanted to say goodbye anyway, we still have to buy groceries and stop at the pharmacy. And if I remember correctly on our way here Lucas had said to join us for dinner, or did you change your mind?“

Lucas shook his head at Robbe’s question, after they had exchanged a Glace at each other. And it dawned on Jens that this was just his best friend trying to get Lucas out of here. For what ever reason Jens could only guess. He simply prayed he wasn’t it.

Well, now or never.

„Lucas? Could we just talk for a minute?“ Jens was so sure that it would not happen, that when the dutch boy told the others to already go, that the two would catch up to them, he looked at Lucas bewildred. 

And the others did. Not without throwing them an odd look before doing so.

„This wasn’t about anything that had happened between us, if you were worried about that.“ Lucas answered the question Jens hadn’t even thought of beeing able to bring up, as soon as they were left out of ear-shot. But it certainly eased his anxiety by a lot.

„Okay.“ 

„So?“ 

Jens mind went blank. He had planned about what to say to Lucas for over a day, that now, as the boy had asked, the words had completely left Jens. Great.

„I just wanted to make sure that we are cool, I guess. I... I wanted you to know that I don’t wish to see that girl again. I’m not sure what Moyo told you he saw, but it quite certainly didn’t happen.“ Jens voice was shaking a little. Lucas simply sighed exhausted, looking past Jens over his shoulder, without looking at anything at all. Just avoiding Jens’s gaze for a moment, before focusing back on him.

„Alright. Are we done here? I don’t want to let Sander and Robbe wait for me longer.“

Jens nodded unsatisfied, unable to think of anything else to say. He followed Lucas in silence as he walked straight towards the bus stop, at which the others stood and waited. 

They all bid each other goodbye, promising to text regarding Jens’s birthday.

Jens already knew he hated nothing more than upcoming friday. Hate wasn’t even the right feeling, If he was fucking honest, he was incredibly anxious over turning eighteen in three days to the point he felt ill thinking about it.

What he wouldn’t give to stop time.

[myinnerroomie]

              Today I want to write for pleasure instead of business. I want my mind to be productive, but I am sick of work.  I am sick of all the grad school papers and the stress of getting everything in on time, the stress of applying for this test, and studying for that test. The stress of pretending I care about the Air Force. And for what?  I feel as if I am not doing something to better myself, then I am failing.  In all aspects of life. And for what? What am I trying to accomplish?  What do I want out of life?  The answer is everything.  More than I’m getting.  So I fill the void with military and homework and physical activities.  All of which are healthy right?  What’s the problem?  I can do more.  I am so capable.  I see that. I know that I’m not meant for this.   However, I signed up for it, right?  I’ll finish what I signed up for and move on and appreciate what I learned.  In the meantime, I feel it necessary to point out that I may be jobless in 2 months, maybe not.  The stress of never knowing what is going to happen is real.  And I’m sick of it.  However, it pays the bills (quite nicely), I’m staying in a condo by the beach (where I’m sitting on the balcony typing), and it’s frankly beautiful weather and I’ll go for a run later. It’s really my fault that I haven’t found a job yet.  I should never have relied on reserve like this anyway.  I have no fear that I’ll figure something out when the time comes.  Actually, life is way better than it really has ever been.  

I’m so free (aside from the military which ironically is the thing that saved me). Oooh.  Let’s get into my early adulthood.  That should be fun.  So, embarrassingly enough, until this past year, I have always had a boyfriend.  We can get into my childhood later, but it probably stemmed from somewhere back then.  I have never thought much of myself.  Figured I’d go to community college like everybody else, then I went to a university like everybody else.  Majored in a stupid (fun) degree.  No real regrets about that though.  My self-worth was based on if people liked me, if I felt I looked good.  I do regret a lot of the actions of that sad, desperate girl.  Nobody understood, and I was good at faking it.  I did things that I have never admitted to anybody.  I literally could have been diagnosed with the same disorders as the other kids in the behavioral hospital where I worked.  Only mine weren’t for attention and I was deeply ashamed, so nobody knew.  I educated myself on the consequences of what would happen if I continued on that path, and slowly but surely, I got better.  And sadly, I can’t even celebrate that with anyone.  Shame, guilt, fear, worthlessness, pain – what I used to always feel.  Pride and confusion with all this freedom I have is what I feel now.

I used to think emotions were embarrassing.  I knew I hurt all the time, but I was never taught how to deal with it, so I would isolate myself and feel stupid.  Actually, that’s what I was taught.  Everybody has issues, and I’m not special. Get over it.  Why did it hurt so much?  Why can’t I get over it?  Why am I so miserable?  Why am I even alive?  Everybody dies anyway.  Oh, I know how I can deal with this: weed.  Ahh, there so much better.  Now all I’m thinking about is how I can’t remember what I’m thinking about. Yeah, I should probably go to class now.  Wonder if they’ll know I’m stoned. (turns out that they did).  But I was really enjoying class then. Very intrigued with Maslow’s hierarchy of need.  Hmm self-actualization.  Will I ever know my purpose and get to the point in life where I can fulfill that need??? Nah bro I’m starving…  You think everybody is staring at me eating these chips? -- Anyway, this is only the middle of the story.  I’m not even going to go back to my first boyfriend.  Let’s skip to the second one that cheated on me after 2 years.  Looking back now, he’s gross and bigoted. He was mean to me.  He lied to me.  He cheated.  Everything was an ordeal.  I just constantly lowered myself and made myself small for him.  He, of course, never reciprocated.  I wasn’t worth it.  Because I never showed any self-worth.  One good decision I made was to further my education and move to Hattiesburg for school which he actually made fun of me for doing. Anyway, I remember one time he had just come from the boat or whatever he was doing for work and invited his friend to our apartment.  I went to sit on his lap and he pushed me off and laughed.  I just went to my room and cried while he spent the night with his friend. That’s not me.  I hate I did that.  I hate that’s their memory of me.  Oh well.  I know they still talk shit about me back home.  That’s fine and that’s their problem.

Another reoccurring theme with boyfriends is my lack of any other friends and/or support. This takes me to my second boyfriend. I had been single for less than a year, and I met him.  It was so much nicer at first.  I felt like he cared about me.  He was so sweet.  Finally, everything was reciprocated to me, and I was happy.  I was happy to make him happy.  Again, with my screwed up priorities, man.  But I had grown up a little.  I just had this baseless fear that I would be alone forever.  But, I’m not necessarily the victim.  I did have this notion that I should be taken care of. I never expected to pay.  I expected some sort of money and to pay to go out and about.  That didn’t happen with this guy.  This honestly helped me become independent.  However, over time, he became more and more controlling. He threw me down and hit me in a NOLA hotel and the police were called.  He tore up my purse and a jacket. I remember feeling so much stress because he said he was going to leave me there, and I didn’t know how to get home.  Nor did I want to tell anybody why I was in that predicament anyway.  I thought it was all my fault and apologized and he stayed. How lucky am I? To stay with a guy that hits me and breaks my belongings (He also broke my tent.  If I ever went anywhere, he would be calling and obsessed. I couldn’t enjoy anything because I knew there would always be repercussions for having fun.   I literally broke out in hives at my friend’s house in Jackson one time because I told him no I wouldn’t come back to his place that night and it gave me so much grief.  He said he was going to break up with me if I did not drive back.  But I sure enough stayed my ass up there though. It was still embarrassing.  He threw a boot at me once because I was mad and didn’t want to sleep in the same room as him.  When I told him that hurt and showed him the bruise, he blamed me for acting that way. A few times, I tried to leave to go home, and he would grab me and not let me go.  I would be like if you don’t get your hands off me, I have every right to defend myself.  So I would straight up try to fist fight him to let go of me. He would laugh. Sounds healthy right?  Oh yeah, one time I did not do what he wanted and he threatened to get rid of my cat and locked all the doors to the house so I could not get to MY fucking cat.  So I waited until he got home and he just acted like he didn’t care at all about the strife he caused.  I think I may have even stayed that night at his house.  I hated him but I didn’t know what else to do.              

In the middle of all of this, I joined the military.  So yeah he came to visit me in Texas for graduation then said this was his vacation and that he was going to do what he wanted.  I’m like dude no.  I’ve been locked up for weeks.  It’s my vacation.  Another argument, more crying.  You’re a bitch if you stand up for yourself.  Okay months go on, we break up in tech school.  But I know he has my cat.  I also know he has a place to live.  Again, my fault.  I’m using him cause I don’t really know what else to do.  So I live at his house.  Then move to out of town.  He threatens to leave me again and tells me I’m shitty for moving away.  I move back to his place.  Back and forth, but he just stays and does whatever the fuck he wants with no consideration for me.  Eventually, I just started to dislike him.  I can take care of myself.  I got another place with a room mate.  His presence annoyed me.  I thought he was ugly.  I think that was mutual, and I was like dude:  Let’s end it. It’s miserable.  He agreed.  Easiest break-up ever.  Now did I do dumb things, and normal post-breakup things? Absolutely. Did I still text him a couple times afterwards? Yeahhh.  Also,  I made out with a 20 year old army kid at a bar. And I also slept with a married man.  That was a whole thing.  But most of last year, I have just grown.

I have nobody grabbing my arm now.  If I want to pack up and go hiking somewhere across the country, I’ll buy a plane ticket and go. If I want to hang out with friends, its fun again.  I do not rely on anybody for my self-worth.  2020 was extremely rough for me. I lost my house and all my belongings.  My car flooded in a hurricane (and of course I only had liability insurance).  It has all worked out anyway.  I didn’t even need any of that stuff.  Honestly, I never had the worst life.  That wasn’t the goal of this. You know, to complain.  It’s just that everything has gotten better. Losing everything helps put your life into perspective.  I’m so much more appreciative now.  I look at what I have accomplished and where I came from.  I used to think that everybody was more important than me, and that I needed them to like me and see me as worthy to be around.  Well, that has changed completely.  I don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like me.  That doesn’t make me less of a valuable person.  Everybody is not better than me and I have just as much a chance of being successful as everybody else.  I’m not a “bitch”.  Maybe some folks find me “annoying”, but you’re crazy if you think I will ever make myself small to fit inside anybody’s box that doesn’t like me.  I don’t “deserve it” to be living a miserable life. Life is hard.  Life is beautiful. It’s all about learning, and that’s what I have done. I win.  I’m free.  I can do anything.  While I do regret some of my past, all this has given me the drive to me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.  Still gotta figure that one out.

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about We Bare Bears: The Movie

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. Today, I'm going to do one-fourth of what I do best by talking about We Bare Bears: The Movie. Now, if you're a member of the cartoon community, odds are you've heard of We Bare Bears. It might not be as well-remembered as shows like Adventure Time or Steven Universe. But We Bare Bears has gained its own following through its charm and simplicity. So much so, that the series got it's very own movie, acting as the series finale to the beloved show. And to honor that milestone, I thought I'd share my thoughts by listing the things I liked and disliked about the film. Keep in mind, this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen the film yet (even though it’s been out for more than a week). Because I'll be spoiling the heck out of the movie by listing plot details, characters, and little touches that I think are worth mentioning. With that out of the way, let's dive on in with-

WHAT I LIKED

The Baby Bears meeting: To me, this was the first indicator that the movie was going to be the end. The Baby Bears meeting always felt like a moment saved for the series finale to me. Because answering the question of whether, or not, the Baby Bears find a home isn't something we need an answer to. But learning about how they met? Now that is something I'm sure most fans were curious about. And in true Baby Bears style, it's big and epic while still being downright adorable. Not to mention that Grizz's line at the end of how not looking alike is the best part about being brothers is not only sweet, but it also sells the main moral of the movie. If I had to nitpick, a part of me wonders how their separate journeys got them all in that one spot. But that's just another question that doesn't really require an answer, so I'm alright with not receiving one. Besides, that's what fan-fiction is for. GET ON IT WRITERS!

The Bears Running Through the City: I'm sure some people are tired of the cliche of having characters run through the city because they're late for something. But to me, I think that type of thing works for a series finale. It offers one last glance at familiar environments, but familiar characters as well. Not only do you get to see the people who love the Bears the most, but you even see the Human Bros in the background as the Bears run. This scene also sets up the conflict of the film as the Bears accidentally wreak havoc to get to where they're going. Even more so than usual. Plus, the scene serves as an excuse to hear the extended version of the theme song. And personally, I just love it when a series finale finds a way to incorporate the theme in a way that's better than the opening.

The Bears Complaint File: This was another indicator that the movie was going to be the end of the series. Usually, when a show like We Bare Bears finally acknowledges consequences to a character's actions, it's safe to say that the end is nigh. Because this presents the idea that the characters are close to being the straw that broke the camel's back. Which is something you can never do twice.

The Bears Viral Video: There are going to be people out there who'll find the Bears' video of outdated memes cringy. And to those people, I say: "THAT'S THE FRICKEN POINT GENIUSES!" Seriously, the characters themselves point out how what they're doing is going to be cringy, so it's safe to say that it was very much the intention from the writers. Besides, We Bare Bears always had scenes, and entire episodes, that acknowledged modern trends. And unlike other shows and movies, We Bare Bears doesn't use memes to stay fresh and hip with the kids. Instead, the show-and movie for that matter-uses trends to tell a story that will be timeless. Albeit dated in a few years. The only complaint I'll accept is that you didn't find their video funny, which can be valid. As for me, yeah, I chuckled. Speaking of-

The Comedy: We Bare Bears might not be the funniest show I've seen, but it still gets a chuckle out of me from time to time. It works with an absurd sense of humor, which is either your thing or it isn't. As for the jokes in the movie, most of them work pretty well, and the ones that don't aren't too bad. Personally, my favorite scene is when the Bears slowly drive away from Wildlife Control. The fact that that plan worked was so absurd, I could not help but laugh.

The Blackout: This was the straw that I mentioned earlier. The Bears have finally crossed a line that turns several people against them. In fact, it's very reminiscent of Ed Edd and Eddy's Big Picture Show, where the characters are forced to leave after doing something unforgivable. Although, there's one thing that We Bare Bears: The Movie does better than Big Picture Show. In Big Picture Show, fans never really saw what the Eds did that was so horrid. We were just told that it was so bad that our trio had to leave everything behind. Never seeing the answer always bothered me as a kid because I was always curious about how their last scam was somehow their worst. This is why it's nice that we actually get to see what the Bears did that was so unforgivable in We Bare Bears: The Movie.

Agent Trout: At some point, if you found Trout to be the most unlikeable piece of trash that he is, then you found the writers' possible intention. Trout acts as the movie's main antagonist, and on top of that, a character you're not supposed to like. And granted, there have been movie antagonists that are pure evil, but audiences can't help but love them anyway. But personally, I feel like making Trout a likable antagonist would have spoiled the point of the film. The movie's message, which I'll get into later, is about how being strange is ok, and that anyone can fit into society. Because society changes and people become accepting of these changes, every day. Trout is meant to represent the type of people who refuse the idea of change. He is a character who believes everything should operate as nature intended, which in this film's case, having bears reside in their natural habitats. And I honestly think Trout does his part as an antagonist really well. He's easy to hate for all the right reasons, and it's satisfying to see him get his coupons. It's also even better that we don't know his motivations to be so cruel to the Bears. Because there are real-life people out there who share Trout's mindset, with zero reasons behind why. Plus, his design is really great, being devoid of color and drawn with sharp edges in comparison to the bright and smooth looking characters. It helps him stand out from most characters in the show, while also making less overly threatening that the hunter in "Yuri and Ice Bear."

Officer Murphy: As far as I know, Officer Murphy was never really that big of a character. In fact, I don't even remember if the show mentioned his name until this movie. So to some fans, it might come off as a surprise that Murphy is given such an enormous role in this movie. Regardless, the position Murphy has is a great one. He is meant to represent the positive type of law enforcement. The officers who don't punish people due to who they are or what they look like. Instead, Officer Murphy is an officer who upholds the law to protect others. Take note of the fact that Murphy never wanted to physically or emotionally hurt the Bears. He understood that the Bears crossed the line and needed to be punished, but never to the extremes that Trout took. Speaking of Trout, Murphy acts as a great comedic sidekick for the antagonist. There's this nice running joke where Trout shoves random food in Murphy's mouth when Murphy makes an unwanted comment. And said running joke also leads to a great payoff in the movie's final act. So while I'm surprised at Murphy's inclusion, I gotta say that I really appreciate it.

Mystery Machine Cameo: I'm the biggest Scooby-Doo fan you'll ever meet, so believe when I say that seeing the iconic van just made me giddy.

Pizza Rat: I'll be the first to admit that Pizza Rat was a scumbag for betraying the Bears. But gosh darn it he was hilarious. I'm not kidding, whenever Pizza Rat showed up, he got funnier and funnier with each scene. Especially with his hatred of the rat with Spaghetti.

Grizz’s Nightmare: There are two things I really like about this scene. The first is that Grizz's nightmare is easily the creepiest the show has gotten. Seriously, something tells me that Trout's face being on the death train is going to be in kids' nightmares for weeks. The second is that there is some outstanding visual symbolism in this scene. It shows how Grizz is under a lot of stress for carrying the weight of protecting his brothers at all costs. Not only is that the best symbolism the show has ever used, but the scene gives the perfect insight into Grizz as a character. It's rare that we ever get to see the serious side of him, so I appreciate this one last glimpse into his personality.

That Epic Car Chase: If I'm being honest, there were not that many scenes that showed this movie being anything else than an extended episode. But this scene, however, was the most cinematic that We Bare Bears have ever been. The quality animation and cinematography help make the scene action-packed and surprisingly tense at times. Like I genuinely felt worried for my favorite trio of weirdos. There's not much I can say about this scene other than it was pretty impressive as well as awesome.

The Bears’ Plan Fails: It's weird saying that I like this, but I do. The movie could have gone down the same route as The Simpsons Movie by having the plan work for the sake of a joke. But no. We Bare Bears: The Movie actually employs logic and says, "you can't move to a new country, without a passport." And I can't help but give kudos to a movie that doesn't allow a simple solution.

The Third Act Break Up: Ah yes, the one cliche scene that makes audiences go "Really? We're doing this song and dance again?" Now, here's my defense: When it comes to something made for kids, you gotta be more forgiving of cliches. Odds are, some children watched this movie, and this will be their first third act break up. So you can't really fault the film for wanting to use a popular cliche. Granted, you could wish to have your kids watch something original, but that's a request that gets harder to do with each day. Besides, some cliches, like the third act break up, aren't bad unless they're done correctly. And I honestly think the movie uses the cliche just fine. The tension between Grizz and Panda has been built up throughout the film, so one final blow-out was bound to happen. Plus, the Bears don't really break up, but rather argue. If Panda had walked off dramatically, after saying "we're not brothers," then I would consider it a break up. Instead, it comes across as characters saying things they don't mean due to the heat of the moment.

Trout’s Bear Sanctuary: This was depressing but in a good way. The colors being swapped out from the show's usual bright pastels to dull and gray? That perfectly explains how dire the situation is without outwardly stating it. And yeah, I got a little misty eyed when watching this scene.

Grizz Talking to Baby Grizz: Another scene that I thought would be endgame would be having the grown-up Bears meeting the Baby Bears. I always dismissed this idea because I kept reminding myself of how it was impossible. I mean, how can you make characters meet a younger version of themselves? Turns out, the answer to that question was to have the younger version of a character act as a conscience. And yeah, this scene was pretty sweet and charming. And once again, my eyes started to get all misty. The tears didn't fight hard enough to get out, but they still fought pretty hard. Also, was it just me, or did it sound like Baby Grizz's voice actor was beginning to hit puberty?

The Bears Cheering for Grizz: I'm not the only one who thought it sounded like the bears were chanting/roaring Grizz's name, right? Because that's what I heard during this scene. Also, this scene was pretty epic, while doing its job to get me hyped up for what happens next.

The Moral: I've touched upon this moral earlier, and I want to make it clear how important it is. Some people feel as though they don't fit in anywhere, mostly because law enforcement has a history of punishing those that don't. But as Grizz says: "Nature adapts." The same goes for society. More and more people are fitting into groups that make them feel welcome. And those groups become more accepted with each passing year. Now to be fair, there are scum bags like Trout, who seek to punish people who are different. But again, there are still good souls like Murphy that attempt to do the morally correct thing no matter who/what you are. And I have to give kudos to We Bare Bears: The Movie for showing the brighter side of things. Because let's face it, we all could use something positive as of late. And I'm sure there are going to be people out there who'll call this movie 'preachy' and 'overly optimistic.' To those people, I would like to once again point out that this is a kid's film. Yes, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. But that doesn't mean you should give the harsh truth about how hard issues won't have simple solutions. They at least have until their teen years before that happens. Besides, look at the ending shot of bears normally fitting in with the rest of society. If you can see that and not love the symbolism being represented, then this film clearly is not for you.

WHAT I DISLIKED

It’s More of an Extended Episode Rather Than a Movie: Before I explain, I want to make it very clear that this is mostly a nitpick. Like I said before, there weren't many scenes that made this movie feel like, well, a movie. The animation never seemed better in comparison to the show, there weren't that many cinematic scenes, and the story didn't feel all that epic either. I honestly feel like the bears went on grander adventures than the one they went on here. Like the first time they became wanted criminals in "Captain Craboo." Yeah, remember that episode? It was emotional, intense, and actually kind of epic at times. And that episode was a half-hour long! The movie was an hour and eight minutes, and it still couldn't outdo the quality of "Captain Craboo." I know that I'm being a little harsh. But when I see "the movie" attached at the end of a show's title, I expect something grander and more epic than the original show. And yeah, We Bare Bears: The Movie is good for an extended episode, but not for what I consider for a movie.

What Supporting Cast?: Here's where looking at the movie as a series finale becomes an issue. This is the last time we'll see ALL of the characters from the show. So giving no proper goodbye from the supporting cast, who have all been significant people in the Bears' lives, feels wrong. The best-or rather worst-example of how wrong this is would be Nom-Nom. This was a character who was on the road towards redemption. So to have his last appearance show that he's the same jerk as he started is disappointing. The worst part is that the movie had the right idea with Charlie's scene. He helps the Bears one last time and says he's happy to do it for all the times they helped him. It's a touching moment and honestly feels like a proper goodbye to his character. And I can't help but see ways that the movie could have included the rest of the supporting cast. Have Ranger Tabes join Murphy and Trout due to her being a bear expert. Have Nom-Nom stand up for the bears at the Internet Animal rave. Have Chloe literally do anything other than stand and watch her best friends in the world be in danger! I understand that the Bears are the main characters who deserve most of the closure. But that doesn't mean other characters should be left in the dust because of it.

Panda’s Kind of Annoying: Cards on the table, I'm not the biggest fan of Panda. I don't think he's the worst character or even a bad one. But to me, he always came across as so whiney and annoying, and he's somehow worse in the movie. I get that he's a straight man who's meant to be the voice of reason, but there's a way to make a character like that entertaining. Some amazing straight men are specific iterations of Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Velma from Scooby-Doo. Those are characters that know how to be the calm of the crazy storm that their fellow cast. They offer witty comments and charismatic one-liners that prove they could also hold off on their own at times. Panda never really did that for me in neither the show nor the movie. He has his entertaining moments for sure, but most of them get overshadowed by his weaker ones. So while I don't exactly hate Panda, I can't really say I love him.

Ice Bear Does Next to Nothing: I'm not the only one who thinks Ice Bear was underutilized, right? In fact, We Bare Bears: The Movie is also similar to Ed Edd and Eddy's Big Picture Show in how to write its main trio. Both films pay more attention to the relationship between the leader and the straight man, where the comic relief is there for jokes and to give the occasional contribution. However, it's easy to forgive with Ed, because his character has little to offer other than being a loveable doofus. But Ice Bear? He has so much personality, so much backstory, and so much more to his character that you could make an entire movie just about him. Plus, going back to the fact that the film is a series finale, this is not a proper conclusion to his character. Sure, it's nice to see the Bears be accepted for who they are, but what about all that stuff with Yuri? Are you seriously telling me that the show wouldn't do anything with the fact that Ice Bear fell in love with Yuri's daughter?! I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I really wish the movie had something more in store for Ice Bear.

On The Road Song: Out of all the good qualities that We Bare Bears have, having good music isn't one of them. The few songs that the show has are not bad by no means but aren't really songs I would find myself listening to on repeat. The same goes for "Road Trip Song." It's perfectly fine, but nothing more than mediocre. Plus, weirdly, it's the only song in the movie. I mean, if you're gonna introduce something like a musical number, at least go all out with making a musical. I'm not saying the film should have been like Steven Universe: The Movie in terms of a soundtrack, but at least have two or three more songs. As is, it just feels like a weird detour on the road to Canada.

The Bears Survive Falling Off a Cliff:...That’s it. Just the ludicrousy of the fact that the Bears survive a fall like that. When you think about it, it removes a lot of the tension when you they could survive huge feats like that too.

Overall, We Bare Bears: The Movie gets a well earned B+ for me. When you judge it as a movie AND as a series finale, it loses a lot of points. But when you look at it as an extended episode? You get something that has a great moral, an outstanding antagonist, and a nicely put together story. Like the original show, I'm probably not going to remember it in about ten years down the line. As for the here and now, I'm glad I took the time to watch something so much more than BEARable.

(Now if only we got that Amazing World of Gumball movie. GET ON IT CARTOON NETWORK!)

[jawnjendes]

i’m not usually like this | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

if theres anything you wanna see happen in this series, let me know!

masterlist | series playlist

It all started because he asked a simple question. “Do you ever wear anything that isn't black?”

I've heard this question many times in my life, from family members, to coworkers, to strangers in my classes. The context in which Shawn asked me, however, was different than normal; He was pulling off my sweatpants and noticed my dark underwear. I told him to shut up and proceeded to ride him into oblivion.

When I wasn't surrounding myself with a brick wall to keep me safe, when I was not being stone cold and expressionless, I was quite the sex fiend. I'll take it anytime, and just about anywhere. I mean, you already know the story of those three hours Shawn and I spent in my bedroom, knowing that my roommate was home. That's not even the worst of it. We've had sex in his car, my car, outside my car, my living room, his kitchen, a bar bathroom, and a stranger's dorm room.

Listen… Shawn Mendes is a man of many talents. If he wasn't my boyfriend, he would be a fuck buddy.

Anyway, he liked to tease me about my wardrobe choices just as much as he liked to praise me. Sometimes he would ask who I’m about to sacrifice to the dark lord, and other times he would thirst over my black skirt and tights. Even better, sometimes he put on his black floral shirt as an attempt to match my ensemble. But this story is about his teasing.

After going at it for an hour at his apartment (my thighs were incredibly fatigued and shaky), I had to get ready for work. It was easy to get out of Shawn's hold since he was so loose and sleepy. As soon as I was ready, I kissed him goodbye and left his apartment in spirits so high it was considered abnormal for me. How did I know it was abnormal? My manager kept pointing out how chipper I was as I answered phones and helped customers. When people notice, that’s when you know things are changing.

It wasn't until I stopped by Walmart after my shift did Shawn's words sink in. I do wear black all the goddamn time. My closet is 99% black t-shirts, button ups, pants, leggings, and even underwear! The 1% is when I'm slacking on doing my laundry, that's when I would wear white.

That's not to say I don't like other colors. I used to experiment with bleaching my hair and dying it blue or green. I was a sucker for neon eyeshadow, and I was an absolute slut for red lipstick. Things are fluid, nothing is ever set in stone.

I looked through some of the clothing racks, but it’s Walmart, so nothing really stood out to me. Then I found myself in the underwear department. I was trying not to laugh at myself in front of other shoppers, because this was mildly insane. Was I really considering buying Walmart lingerie to prove a point to my boyfriend? There were some decent options after all.

My eye caught a black, sheer nightgown with a matching g-string. I studied it for a minute before deciding that I had a lot of black lace already, and half of it wasn't even intimate apparel. The next set I noticed was a simple sheer bra and underwear, also black. Getting there, but it wasn't enough. There weren't any in my size, anyway. I dug through the racks until I spotted something girly.

The first thing that put me off was that it was pink… baby pink. It was another nightie, but it was made of sheer tulle instead of lace. There were little pink and red hearts all over the skimpy fabric, and it came with a lace thong. It was cute, but it was the least Me thing here. On any other day, I would not be caught dead wearing anything pastel.

That's exactly why I ended up taking it home.

I quickly raced back to my dorm, feeling like I had some dangerous weapon hiding in the bag I was carrying. I didn't stop to speak to anyone I knew, and I was very glad that Shawn wasn't currently on campus. However, he did text me asking me to spend the weekend at his place. It only added to the butterflies in my stomach.

“Stella!” I frantically called once I had shut myself in my room.

She came practically running, bursting through the door. “What happened? Who died? Oh - oh my god.”

I was facing the full body mirror that was leaning against the wall. I tried on the daring piece of lingerie, testing it out on whoever was willing to see me like this. Stella was the only person who had seen me in my underwear apart from my boyfriend. However, I still had the decency to cover my breasts with my hands because the nightgown showed a bit too much.

“You trying to seduce me, ‘cause it's working,” Stella teased, wiggling her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

“Listen!” I turned to face her, trying to justify my outfit choice. “This was probably a stupid idea! It, it was an impulsive buy!”

“Dude, if he sees you in this, you're gonna end up pregnant.”

“Don't say that!” I looked down and twirled my body from side to side, watching the fabric swirl. I felt and looked a little too nervous.

“Seriously, you look hot. Just, y'know, maybe skip the heavy eyeliner and add more perfume. He'll link the scent to the time he had the best sex of his life.”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “I'll do the perfume thing, but I can't skip eyeliner. I need something to make up for all the pink I'm wearing.”

Stella nodded. “Yeah, that's another thing. I know this is something you wear when you wanna get dicked down, but you look so soft and adorable!”

“Shit, if you keep saying things like that I just might spend the night with you instead.”

~

It was night by the time I was at Shawn's apartment. He was in the middle of songwriting, and he wasn't alone. His friend, Teddy, was over. I guess she helped him write sometimes. The two of them were singing to themselves and throwing potential lyrics back and forth at each other. Teddy was frequently writing on a scrap of paper or typing on her laptop. Shawn was strumming his guitar, and sometimes he would glance at me and wink.

I sat silently on the couch and half listened to them brainstorm. I was glad I decided not to leave my Switch at home.

“You're so quiet, is something wrong?” Teddy pointed out. I don't know why I wasn't expecting it.

“Don't wanna bother the artists at work,” I said, keeping my eyes on my intense game of Smash Bros.

“She's like that,” Shawn told his friend. “She'll warm up eventually.”

“That makes me sound like an asshole,” I replied with a chuckle, and then I gasped as my character on screen got knocked out.

Still, I remained quiet as they continued their session. I stayed in the same spot on the couch, curled up and thoroughly entertained. Shawn insisted I sit closer though, considering that I was on the opposite end of the couch from him. He liked my company I suppose, even if I wasn't speaking.

Eventually, Teddy got her things together and left. She gave me a hug, said it was nice to meet me, and then gave Shawn a look that said “have fun you two.”

When we were finally alone, I went into Shawn's room, telling him I wanted to change into my pajamas. It was sort of true, I mean. I grabbed my overnight bag and dashed into the en suite bathroom. Normally, I would have started with taking off whatever makeup I had on, but I only had on some intimidating winged liner and mascara. I needed that tonight.

Fixing up my hair and spritzing on a ridiculous amount of perfume helped keep my nerves at bay. My stomach fluttered when I pulled out the frilly pink item of clothing. This just might be my demise.

Once I was dressed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and placed my hands on my hips. A wise lady in a hospital drama said standing like a superhero helps increase confidence, so that's what I did. I tried to channel my inner dominatrix, despite the fact that I was probably very far from being just that.

“I'm a strong lady,” I whispered to myself, then I huffed out a breath.

I ruffled my hair one last time before going to the door. I had my hand on the knob, but I could hear the sounds outside this very room. I could hear Shawn's footsteps, I heard the bed creak as he sat down. I heard the sounds of his guitar.

My heart started to race. It was ready to beat out of my chest.

I don't know why the first thing I thought to do when I finally opened the door was to unattractively clear my throat. It's not like Shawn wouldn't notice if I quietly left the bathroom.

He looked up from his guitar, and it took a second for him to process what he was looking at. His eyes lit up, and his jaw went slack.

Awkwardly, I placed one hand on the doorway and the other on my hip. I didn't know what to do with my face, so I slapped on the mock composure. I looked at my boyfriend, unsure if I should say something or not.

“No way,” Shawn finally spoke, a grin forming on his face. He set down his guitar and moved so he was sitting at the foot of the bed. “Come here…”

His eyes were moving up and down my body as I timidly stepped towards him. The look on his face was full of surprise and wonder, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I mean, I was in skimpy attire and none of it was dark. Anyone who knew me wouldn't believe it.

Shawn took my hands when I was close enough, and he shamelessly checked me out. His eyes stuck on my tits just long enough to raise the tension in the room.

I was still finding my voice. I was probably more flustered than he was.

“You're too cute,” he told me, finally looking at my face. “When did you get this?”

“Today,” I said softly. “I don't know, I looked for something black… this was all I could find in my size.”

“I'm really glad you went with this. You're so cute. The pink makes you look almost innocent. Turn around for me.”

A shy smile crept up on my face as I slowly spun around. I quickly came to realize that I was willing to do just about anything he wanted. Wow, and I thought I was going to have power tonight.

“So adorable,” Shawn mused when I was facing him again. “You're the cutest fucking thing ever, you know that?”

My roommate had said similar things, but it hit me different hearing it from my boyfriend. My face was probably redder than the hearts on this stupid nightie, and Shawn could probably see that.

“I don't wanna be cute,” I mumbled, looking down at our hands. “I wanna be sexy.”

“Trust me, you're very sexy. I, I don't even know what to do. That's why I keep talking. God, you're so pretty.” His hand went up and stroked my cheek.

Stop fucking talking and just take me already!

The only way I could express that was by bringing Shawn's hands to my waist, giving him permission to touch me wherever the fuck he wanted. His breathing picked up a little more as he ran his hands down to my lower hips, reaching around to grab my ass.

I delicately placed my hands on his shoulders, and he leaned in to kiss my collarbones. He kept mumbling about how pretty I was, and it made me feel some kinda way. I could feel just how hot his body was getting being so close to mine, it made me even hotter. His hands moved up to my stomach, moving under the nightie, and running along my skin. My body felt so alive and ablaze.

“Your heart's going fast,” he pointed out, placing a hand on my chest. “You nervous?”

I nodded. “More than I'd like to admit.”

He smiled warmly, and then showed me his hands. Seeing them tremble gave me some kind of relief and an ounce of confidence. I made him feel like that. He was turned on because of me.

Shawn stopped me when I grabbed the ends of my nightie to take it off. “No. Leave it on.”

“Really?” I asked. “Won’t it be in the way or something?”

He shook his head, looking up at me with something like desperation in his eyes.  “I… wanna do unspeakable things to you in this thing. We're leaving it on. Now get your ass on the bed.”

I would have fainted if he hadn't given me an order.

[amnachil]

To the Perfection Chapter 2 Part 5

Here’s the next part. The whole story happen at the same time than The College Society, we’re only a little month ahead.

Cody Wednesday April 3

Being ignored was painful. He honestly had thought Thomas couldn't do worst. Oh man he had been so wrong. I screwed everything when I talked with Raphaël. The plan didn't go as planned. Not at all. And the time to deal with the consequences had come. On monday, the ginger has said only one sentence to the crowd. One.

"It's hard because Cody said I was a freak and Ilhan was a fucking useless fatty, however I thank you all for your support. I know you'll do the right thing."

And hell had begun. Highschool students could be mean. Especially when you purportedly insulted their favorite. The bad words are bearable. The beating is too. But their looks... They hated him with their soul. Cody should have probably said something but he hadn't. Because he had deserved it. And because he was still in love with Thomas. Why ? Why I can only dream about him, I can only think about him even though he's the one who destroyed my life ? The worst had been this exact moment when he had lied to Joël.

"Yes, I said it." he had revealed.

His friend's eyes had widened. Shock, realisation, pity, anger went through them. Cody endured it. I don't know why I lied in the first place. Maybe because he didn't want his childhood friend to go down with him ? Joël should have the right to stay with Thomas. I know he's happier this way. So the teenager was suffering all alone. But hell was only starting.

Cody was leaving school as discreetly as possible this evening. They all were going to soccer's practice, so nobody would annoy him. His parents weren't home for the month and his siblings too young to understand what was going on. So he could bear the burden on his own. Or he thought. A gigantic man arose right in front of him. He was wearing a cop's uniform. Well, he was around the same height than Cody but maybe two or three times bigger. It was very imposing.

"Hey there." he said nonchalently.

The young lad didn't answer. I think I remember him. He was hanging a lot with Thomas during our 10th grade... What was his name again ? It definitely started by G.

"So I heard you hate Thomas because he's gay ?"

Cody gulped. The man was very menacing.

"I wouldn't say I hate him..." he timidely replied.

"I don't like you." cut the policeman. "Thomas is a good guy and you, you're a nobody who's just jealous of him. You're lucky Raphaël didn't know about what you say."

Yeah, I suppose so...

"I won't beat the crap out of you because I'm a nice guy." continued the other. "But just so you know, if you hurt Thomas ever again I will change my mind okay ?"

Cody nodded. What can I say ? Who would believe me anyway ? He's the most popular in highschool, he's bright, cheerful and warm. And this is why I'm so in love with him... The 12th grade student never hated himself more than today.

Dan Friday April 5 – Saturday April 6

Something wasn't right in Darren's behavior. Now he was avoiding Dan again. He's doing that since last weekend when Raphaël was there. Was he scared by the national player ? I told him there is nothing to be afraid of. The college student's belly gurgled to notify his hunger. Boy I'm starving because of all this thinking. The good news was : his grades were going up again. He left the university hastily because Shirley was waiting for him. His sister was doing well. She had greatly improved. They had agreed to meet in the local fastfood (the one Sam was working for) so he joined her there. Dan ordered quite a lot and sat in front of the young girl.

"Sorry I'm late." he said as an introduction. "I had question for my teach'."

"No problem I just arrived." she replied. "I'm glad to know you're taking your studies so seriously."

"Yeah, Carol and mom are saying the same."

His food arrived and he dug in. Damn he was so famished.

"Hum Dan, can I ask you something a bit private ?"

He nodded, too busy stuffing his face.

"Well I... noticed Raphaël looked a bit... tired last weekend ? You know, I've spent a whole year analyzing the man in order to defeat him and I think I know him pretty well. He's still the same perfect athlete but his aura was kind of... colder ?"

"I noticed that too." whispered Dan.

So it wasn't only his imagination. His boyfriend was probably suffering. But why ? He has everything he wants.

"You don't know what is happening, do you ?" Shirley asked. "It might sounds a bit hypocrit but I'm worried for both of you. Is everything fine ?"

"Well, I think we're okay. To be honest, I thought these littles changes were only due to the fatigue, but maybe there is something else. He was very disturbed after Thomas's coming out."

"I'm not an expert of relationship Dan but you should talk to him. Raphaël has his own way to communicate, we both know that. He's not your ordinary man."

"He'll be back for his birthday the 16th. I'm gonna clear things out this day."

In the meantime, he had a lot of things to do. Dan intended to make this birthday special. I want it to be perfect. With an awesome gift for my awesome man. So he headed to the shopping mall. He was seeking what he could buy when he noticed Thomas wandering alone. He came closer and hailed him.

"Hey bud'. Whatcha doing here all by yourself ? Ain't you supposed to be at school ?"

"We have a free period." replied his friend. "And I was... looking for a gift. For big bro's birthday."

"Same here, funny we had the same idea !" laughed Dan. "Want to search together ?"

"Sure."

They walked for an hour. A lot of things looked cool but nothing was as cool as Raphaël. I need to come up with a excellent idea. Finally, the college student started to feel tired and hungry. His ginger friend offered him a crepe from a french store and they sat on a bench.

"By the way Thomy, maybe you can help." Dan wondered. "Don't you think Raphaël seemed a bit weary last weekend ?"

His friend frowned.

"Maybe ? It's difficult to read him."

"Yeah but well, his body is very cold and his tone seems kind of lethargic. I'm pretty sure something is bothering him but I don't know what. Any idea ?"

"No ? I mean, he's on every channel for his debut as a model. The national selection wants him for the next world's championship and he has a loveable boyfriend. Why would he feels bad ? Unless you think... It's my fault ? Because I'm gay ?"

Don't say that. I know this is not.

"Dude, there is absolutely no way Raphaël resent you for being gay and in a relationship. I'm even thinking he's happy about it."

Thomas nodded slowly, seemingly convinced. Don't doubt yourself Thomy, you're great.

"So maybe it is about your relationship..." the ginger whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong, did you ?"

"No, I don't think so."

Thomas smiled but with sadness. What ? He looked about to reveal something very important.

"Well..." he started. "So it must be him. He must have done something bad and he can't say what. Damn, I hope he didn't betrayed your truth !"

Dan hoped too. Well in truth, this theory was ridiculous. But the words were creeping in his mind already...

Thomas Monday April 8

"Hey assholes ! Leave him alone !"

Joël waved at the three girls who were bullying Cody and they went away. Thomas looked the scene with a smile. I feel good. Everything was going well : Ilhan was a perfect sex-toy, the leech was hated like he deserved to be and Dan was having doubts about Raphaël. When I'll bring the Darren's stuff, things will get very interesting.

"Damn girls." mumbled his cocky friend. "I think the whole thing could've been dealt better."

The ginger raised an eyebrow.

"Got something to say to me Joël ?" he smiled.

The other looked at him.

"Yeah, actually I do. Don't get it wrong, I'm one hundred percent with you and Cody had no right to talk to you like this. But was it necessary to make the whole school turn against him ?"

"I just told the truth to the people who wanted to know it." Thomas countered.

What is it ? Does Joël think I was wrong ?

"And it bring us where ? Do you feel better now that they are bullying your old friend ? Because if you do, maybe you're just like him : not accepting. We both know you're better than that right ?"

Ilhan, who was listening to the conversation, took a step backwards. He probably sensed Thomas was angry now. How dares he ? I'm right with everything I do. Always. He doesn't have the right to contest my decision. The ginger thought all this, but he couldn't find the gut to tell it. It was stuck in his throat.

"Anyway, what is done is done." concluded Joël. "And now I have to yell at the girls I wanted to fuck. Pff, that was very not cool of you Thomy."

"If you deseperatly needs sex, I'm sure I can find someone." Thomas smiled.

I definitly prefer you when you're your usual selfish idiot. Just stay that way.

During the last hour of class, they had science. The young teenager decided it was the good moment to try his luck. He approached Darren while the others were leaving.

"Sir." he smiled. "I heard from Dan that you were... scared of my big bro ?"

The teacher looked at him, wary.

"I'm not scared." he contradicted. "We just don't get along very well. Trust me, I would love to make peace with him but... He doesn't like the idea."

"Maybe I can help." smiled warmly Thomas. "I'm the best person whom you should ask help to when it's related to Raphaël after all."

"I thought you disliked me because I'm not easily charmed." commented Darren.

"It's true I wasn't liking you at first. But you're Dan's friend and I'm too. We both want the best for him and I think it is very important that you and big bro manage to get along. So, can I come to your place this sunday and we'll talk about this ?"

"Sure."

This evening, Thomas fucked Ilhan very roughly. He was satisfied with the recent events. And when he arrived home, he was more than happy. Dan was in the living room, slumped on the couch. He was seemingly overstuffed : his belly was forming a large and solid sphere. The ginger felt aroused in no time.

"I'm back." he said. "How was the day ?"

"Bad." replied the college student. "Raphaël is abroad and I can't call or text him. I asked Carol and you know what she said ? Maybe he was cheating on me ? Cheating on me, seriously ?!"

Oh this is so great. Thomas didn't even have to the job himself.

"He wouldn't dare I'm sure." he said.

Dan looked at him, unconvinced. Finally, your naivety and your insecurities are working for me. Raphaël's perfection is playing against himself.

"I will cook something good to help you feel better okay ?" he smiled.

"Sure. Thank you man, you're amazing." mumbled his crush.

I'm so winning this.

To be continued

Things are finally getting interesting. 

Cody is in deep troubles. He lost his friends, his reputation and everything. Being antagonized by a whole school is never fun... 

Meanwhile, Dan is optimistic... Little does he know what Thomas is scheming behind his back. The young ginger will be the death of them I swear.

[erisgregory]

Satellite Call Chapter 9

cross posted to AO3

or start with chapter one

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Relationship: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes Characters: Michael Guerin, Alex Manes Additional Tags: Michael is an Escort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Shameless Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary: Alex is home from the air force but finds he is as lonely as ever. He engages an escort one night under a pseudonym and when the escort arrives it’s his high school love, Michael Guerin. Thankfully for both of them Michael is a professional. However one night couldn’t possibly make up for all they’ve missed. Can they keep an ongoing relationship professional? Can they learn to trust that there is something more than this transaction between them?

Alex has taken the day off, he needs time to think about how he’s going to keep doing desk duty for his father, when all he wants is to be as far away from him as possible. It gives him time to catch up on his chores around the cabin and to worry about Michael and everything that’s passed between them.

He’d gotten an email back saying Michael owed him and though that should be the last thing Alex wants, he can’t help but think as long as Michael owes him, there is some tie between the two of them. Is that what Alex wants? Some connection? Even though he’d told Michael the complete opposite, now, having had time to think about it, he doesn’t actually care what his father thinks of him, does he?

It’s a lot and Alex realizes he isn’t going to figure it out in one morning, so he decides to table it for now. The idea that Michael owes him, keeps running through his head, but he lets it fall into the background as he does his laundry.

Around eleven some shuffling out on the porch draws his attention. At first it sounds like it might be an animal, but Alex doesn’t know what would be out in the daylight like this, so he opens the door quietly and peers out.

It’’s Kyle and it looks as though he’s about to break the window.

“You could try knocking. It’s less of a felony, but it’s also less dramatic so depends on what you're going for.” He tells him.

Kyle looks completely surprised to see him, which may have something to do with Alex always parking in the back.

“Come on in, you can tell me what brings you out this far.” Alex offers.

Kyle follows him in, turning around and giving the place a once over. “I’d forgotten about this place.” He says. “Our dad’s old hunting cabin.”

“Your dad’s technically.” Alex corrects. “So, you wanna tell me why you drove all the way out here?”

“Legacy, I guess.” Kyle says. “This place wasn’t part of the assets in his will. Guess I wanted to know what happened to it.”

“When I got back from Iraq, he left me the key and a letter telling me I could have the place. I figured that you knew.”

Kyle shook his head. “No. Why would he leave this place to you? Instead of me or my mom?”

“I… I don’t know. When I got back, he’d already passed. I never got a chance to ask.” Alex tells him.

Kyle pulls out a keychain and holds it out in his hand for Alex to see. “You recognize this?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Alex says, taking a look. “Keychain looks like mine, but that key is too small for the door.”

“Mind if I poke around and see if I can find the lock? Then I’ll take off.” Kyle looks around the room, already hunting for where the key might go.

Alex thinks it can’t do any harm since he’d come all this way. “When I got here, I put everything that reminded me of the good ol’ days in the closet. Go nuts.” Alex decides to leave him to it and go sit on the porch. He doesn’t need any more memories haunting him today.

There’s a spot on the side of the cabin where Jim had set up a small table and chairs to look out into the desert years ago. They were starting to rust and would probably need to be painted or replaced soon, but that was where Alex gravitated now. He wanted to stay out of Kyle’s way and he had a lot on his mind.

Mainly Michael and the way things had gone down between them. Maybe Michael really had been trading copper wire, though that wasn’t technically legal either, to steal from the dump, but it was a good sight better than the thought of him taking money for sex out in the open like that. The truth was, Alex was jealous of the thought of him with anyone else. Which was hardly fair seeing as Alex had told him things weren’t going to work out.

Alex sits and thinks about Michael and about emailing him for close to an hour and all the while Kyle hasn’t come out. Eventually Alex shakes himself from his reverie and goes to check on Kyle.

He finds him sitting on the couch with a fishing reel and looking nostalgic. “That’s not a lock.” Alex says.

“Yeah, got distracted.” Kyle tells him. “Do you remember that night your dad made us set up that tent to teach us extreme weather survival. We found a way to sneak back inside. We were a good team.”

“Yeah. Until you grew one chest hair and instantly became a nightmare of a bully. Like some bro jock from an eighties movie.” Alex says, shaking his head.

Kyle has the decency to look ashamed. “I don’t know why I was like that.”

“Because I was gay. People started to notice, and you were afraid that, if you were nice to me, people would think you were gay, too.” Alex explains. He’d figured it out years ago.

“I’m sorry… I--I didn’t think that…” Kyle started.

“Don’t.” Alex interrupts him with a humorless laugh. “Please. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been through a lot worse than your locker room taunting at this point.”

Kyle looks uncomfortable with that, like he doesn’t quite know what to say and he stands with a sigh.

“How much longer do you think is gonna take?” Alex asks.

Kyle bends to pull the drawer out of the coffee table. “I don’t… “ The whole drawer comes out on accident. “Whoa. Dammit.”

Alex just rolls his eyes. But Kyle looks concerned.

“Whoa.” He says. Alex has no idea what he could be looking at. “Hey, uh, um, help me move this.”

Together they lift the coffee table out of the way revealing a hatch of some kind underneath it.

“What the hell?” Alex asks.

“Did you know about this?” Kyle wants to know.

“No, dude.” Alex shakes his head taking a step back. “Okay so this is the point in the horror movie where the audience starts screaming, no don’t do that.”

“What’s the worst we can find?” Kyle asks.

“What… literal skeletons!” Alex tells him.

But that doesn’t deter Kyle at all and he begins to try and open the hatch. Alex sighs, resigned, and steps forward to get a better look as Kyle opens the hatch door and they both look down at a ladder into darkness.

At the bottom of the ladder Kyle feels around until he finds a light switch. When the light goes on, Alex can’t quite believe his eyes. They seem to be standing in a girl’s bedroom and he has no idea why. It doesn’t feel right.

“I think I’d prefer skeletons.” Kyles says, warily.

Together they walk further into the room, looking around. There is a bed on the far wall with two nightstands with lamps. A chest at the end of the bed and a wardrobe. All of it very clearly meant for a girl.

Alex notices the symbol from the keyrings is punched out of one of the lamps but he doesn’t know why or what the symbol means.

“Why did you really come here?” Alex asks.

“I’m looking into Rosa Ortecho’s death.” He says plainly.

“Liz’s sister? The DUI?” Alex can’t imagine why anyone would be looking into that when it seemed so straight forward. Tragic but straight forward.

“Liz has questions.” Kyle explains.

“What, you think that your dad had something to do with it?” Alex guesses.

“I think Rosa and my dad were having an affair.” Kyle admits.

Alex immediately rejects the idea. “No.” He shakes his head. “Your dad was a good guy. You know why he left me this house, and not you? Because you were fine. You were popular. You were at the top of your class in med school. Your mom loved you. I wasn’t loved. My mom was gone. My dad was a homophobic abusive dick. And your dad saw it. He left me these keys so that I would have a place to go. He wasn’t the type of person who would take advantage of a desperate teenager. He would help them.”

Together they stand in silence looking around and trying to figure it out. Alex opens the wardrobe and finds medical supplies of some sort. “Look.” He tells Kyle. He pulls out an I.V. bag and passes it to Kyle.

“This is for detoxing.” Kyle says. “My dad had been through the twelve steps. A couple times. Maybe… he was trying to keep her in here to get her clean? Or maybe I’m just thinking wishfully again and I need to get a grip.”

Alex takes another look around. “Something isn’t right.” Finally voicing his concern.

“Uh, yeah. Wrong would be closer to my choice of words.”

The chest at the end of the bed catches Alex’s eye and he bends down to look at it. There’s a small lock on it. “It’s locked.” He tells Kyle. “Your key.”

Kyle brings the key over and it does in fact fit the lock. So he turns it and pulls the lock off the chest. He opens it slowly revealing pictures, a teddy bear, a baby blanket, and other odds and ins. The picture on top catches his eye and he picks it up, looking at it closely.

“I’d recognize his hands anywhere.” Kyle says. The picture is a man holding a baby in the blanket that’s in the chest. The blanket has an embroidered “R” on it. “My dad didn’t have an affair with Liz’s sister.” He says quietly. “He had an affair with her mom. That’s why he was trying to help Rosa sober up. That’s why he was never the same after she died. Rosa was his daughter.”

Kyle closes the chest back and puts the lock back in place. Then, after another quick search of the room doesn’t turn anything up they decide to leave it for the time being. They climb back out of the bunker and close the hatch, placing the table back over it.

They stand in the living room facing each other. Kyle sighs heavily before saying, “I’m sorry. For dragging you into all this.”

“Kyle.” Alex says softly. “How many men do you know who were a father to any and every kid who needed one? That’s who Jim Valenti was. And he was yours. The dad I got was a monster. Is a monster.”

“Because he sent you off to war?” Kyle asks.

“My father was my war.” Alex tells him, sitting down on the couch. It’s dark outside the window behind him. “And your dad saw it, when we were kids. Do you remember the summer that we built the treehouse?”

“Yeah.” Kyle says.

“That’s the summer that my dad found out I was gay. He knew before I did. He thought he could beat it out of me. Jim tried to intervene. But you can’t make someone stop hating someone. And my dad hated me.” Alex fell silent after that. There didn’t seem to be much more to say.

“You’ve got it wrong, you know?” Kyle interrupts his thoughts. “My dad didn’t leave you that key because he thought you were weak. He would’ve never thought that about you. You’re the bravest person I know.”

Alex looks up at him, surprised by his words. Kyle offers him a small smile before turning to leave. He closes the door softly behind him leaving Alex alone with his thoughts once more. He sighs heavily and leans against his hands. There was something about the bunker that still felt strange to Alex. Something they were missing. Why was there a bunker to begin with? Before it was made into a room for rosa to detox in, what purpose had it served?

He just has more questions. So he decides to go for one last look, by himself. Moving the table is a little bit difficult but he pushes it mostly with his good leg until he can get the hatch open, and then he climbs slowly back down into the darkness. When he flips on the lights the feeling hits him fresh. Something is off and he is going to figure out what it is.

Alex walks slowly toward the lamp with the symbol on it. He flicks it on and sees that it shines the symbol onto the wall. He pulls out his keys and confirms that it is the same spiral symbol. It looks a little like a sun with a moon nearby. In the center of the spiral is a notch out of the wall which gives him the idea to check behind it.

Lacking any sort of tool, Alex picks up his crutch and balances it in his hand. He punches the wall with the bottom of it until the wall begins to crumble away. Alex hits it several times until there is a sizable hole where the light is shining from the lamp.

He leans down and sees that there is something in the wall! So he reaches for it and carefully pulls it out. It’s dusty but smooth and as he dusts it off it shimmers and glows in a variety of colors and symbols. It’s a part to something larger, that much is clear. And the first thing Alex thinks looking at it, is that it’s not of this world.

Alex carries the piece back up the ladder and thinks of where to hide it for now. He’s going to look into it and see what he can find out about it and in the meantime he knows he needs to keep it safe and hidden. The only thing he can come up with is his backpack because he usually carries it with him and that way he can keep an eye on it wherever he goes.

After it’s tucked safe into the backpack, Alex sits down in the couch once more. He runs a hand through his hair and wishes he had someone he could call. He had friends, he knew he could trust, but this felt different. This felt big. He didn’t want to drag anyone into it until he knew what it even was.

He especially wanted to see Michael and for a few minutes he even held his phone in his hand and thought about sending an email. A text would be better but he didn’t have Michael’s number in his phone.

In the end he does nothing. What would he say. He wants desperately to see Michael, but he’s hurt him, or at the very least pissed him off. How wrong would it be to call in the debt just to get some face time? Very wrong, he decides.

Alex doesn’t feel like dinner so he takes a shower and goes to bed. He tries his best not to think about how many mistakes he’s made with Michael and instead thinks about the mystery in his backpack and where it might lead.

[brattywriters-anonymous]

A Rose In Harlem

OC x Erik story

Based on Teyana Taylor's VII & KTSE

Warnings: Cursing. Slight panic attack! More slow burn. That's it.

Chapter VII: Expectations Vs. Reality

January, 2014

Syd's POV

Should I ignore it? I'm looking at the phone then looking at Erik, Erik is wondering if I'm going to answer it too. Shit! Perfect Timing,Yasin!

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

"Dios mío!" I spit out in utter frustration! Erik and I were so close to kissing and my body is still coming down from that temporary high and now everything in the universe is coming to interrupt it. Erik walks up behind me with that same look he had in his eyes before our moment was ruined, "You don't have to answer either, you know that right?" His hands found their way around my waist as he took my scent in, once again; I couldn't move. He moved some of my hair out of the way and the lips I've yet to feel on mine, were on my collarbone making a trail up my neck. I started indulging in the moment and then

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Damn it! I groaned and slipped away from his embrace. "I have to." I walked to the door facing him with a look of regret. I looked through the peep hole, it was Yasin. "Oh shit!" I feel myself starting to panic, I walked back to my living room and Erik sees me struggling to breathe. "Syd...Syeda! Calm down. Breathe. C'mon, breathe with me." I kept looking up and looking around, trying to count backwards from ten in my head, I can't believe I'm having a panic attack from having one crush in my house and the other one outside knocking on the door! Erik stands in front of me and put his hands on each of my arms, "Breathe with me. In--" I inhale sharply, "--Out" I slowly exhale, focusing on his words. "In! That's it..Out. There you go. One more time, In...C'mon Syd...Out." I let out the last breath with a tear coming out of my right eye. "Thank you. I'm sorry. I--" "You have anxiety. That's nothing to be sorry about baby." "I just don't do well with confrontation." I hate admitting that shit, but it's true. Just the thought of opening the door and Yasin seeing Erik in here had me thinking of the worst case scenario. Plus, the argument between Erik, Yani, and I was enough conflict for one day. Erik walks over to my kitchen and makes me a cup of water so I can cool down, "Here. Your face is red and you feel really hot. Who was at the door?" "Yasin." I say, gulping a few sips of water. Erik stands up and walks to the door, "That was him calling too?" I followed close behind him, "Yes. Look I don't want you two to--" Erik stops walking and I bump into him, which interrupted my call for peace. "I'm going back to Zig's. You let me know when you ready to stop straddling the fence." He walks out of my apartment, making sure he slams the door on his way out. I need a drink!

--

Erik's POV

I was this close! THIS CLOSE! Damn! Homeboy really keeps getting in between Syeda and I. "Zihlala ziphazamisekile!" "Nigga, what you just call me?" Zig comes out of his room with a confused look on his face. "Nigga. I ain't call you nothin'. That nigga that Syd's around showed up and we were about to kiss." Zig put his hand over his mouth in shock, "Yooooooo! You for real? Damn bruh. That must have been a hell of an apology." "Nah. Not really. I told her." Zig zips up his last suitcase, "You told her, and what she say?"  I shake my head, "Nothin' but I know she feels the same. She wouldn't have let me get that close to kissing her if she didn't." My cousin places his bags by the door as he was typing away on his phone, probably for an Uber to JFK. "So why you here?" "Because, I don't want her to chose between me and another nigga. That's why. Am I wrong for that?" Zig looks me in my eye and says, "Nah, but it's wrong for you to assume that she's not gonna have any options if you're not gonna assert yourself." "I never said I didn't expect her to have options. She's beautiful. I just really thought that telling her would--" "Would what, cuzzo? Make her drop her options right then and there? She was too busy listening to what you had to say and in your face to do it!" I sigh, "You can do that all you want but expecting that is selfish. Especially since you still got Gina on a string. What happened with that today anyway?I almost forgot about Gina, "I mean, we had lunch. Talked a bit more about goals, past travels, a lil bit of fashion. After, I walked her back to the shoot and left. I didn't want to stay around after that fight with Syd." "And Yani. That girl is a beast." Zig cracks up at my despair "Nigga, understatement." We laugh together at Yani's intense attitude. "She called yo ass a ghost, my nigga." Zig leaned back in awe, "Damn! That girl cold. She know why I'm never home." "You should see what that's hittin' for cuh!" Zig vigorously shook his head. "Nigga nooooooo. Nope. She cussed me out for saying 'Good Morning, Beautiful'

February, 2013

Yani was rushing to Syd's apartment; Almost running into her neighbor preparing for his morning run. This was there first and only run in with each other. "Oh, I'm sorry mama." Yani rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you are, and that's not my name." "My apologies, again." She continued upstairs as he marveled at her figure, "Well you have a good morning, beautiful." Yani groaned and went off, "Nigga! My name ain't ma, mami, beautiful, sexy, none of that shit that you call those basic hoes off of the street! If you wanna know my name, ask. Other than that, FUCK OFF." Syd opened the door, she heard the commotion, "What's going on Yani?"

I'm cracking the fuck up, that sounds like her best friend's stuck up ass. "Yeah. Nah bro. I'm not about to end up on first forty-eight behind that broad." "I feel you. I feel you. You know I could just take you to the airport if you let me borrow the whip while you gone." I peer at my cousin, I'm tired of walking and Ubering everywhere. "Shit. As long as you gas her up and when I get back she has the same gas she did when I left, you good." Yes! "Bet." We're having a weird stare off until he breaks it, "Uh. I'm ready to go!" "Oh. You could've said somethin' dummy!" He heads out the door first, tossing me the keys before he closes the door behind him. I put on my shoes and coat and brace myself for the brick that is outside. I lock the door and I look over to Syd's door it has a yellow sticky note on it. I shake my head and say to myself, "Enye kwakhona?"

--

The next day

Syd's POV

I don't remember what time I ended up falling asleep, but I do remember waking up with a crook in my neck that hurt like hell. I didn't get my editing done, and I didn't expect to. I have my third out of four shoots today so I have to hurry up and rush through my morning routine so I can meet Myles at Garvey Park. I check my phone, I got a voicemail from Sin, from last night when I didn't answer the phone. "Hey Syeda, It's Sin. I was stopping by to drop you off some flowers as congratulations on your shoot. I was hoping we could talk since we haven't gotten to since Shad's party. Hit me up when you can, okay? Bye." I can't even focus on the voicemail because Erik's words keep ringing in my head "You let me know when you ready to stop straddling the fence." Damn. I look at the time 8:59AM I rush and grab my laptop to put it in the bag, my chargers, planner, phone, and purse. I swing my door open and immediately see a yellow post-it sticker on it. I grab it and make the five block hike to Garvey park. By the time I cross over the second block, Fredrick Douglass Blvd, I decided to open the post-it note I have crumbled in my hand.

510-770-2344; E's number.

I stop in my tracks, put the number down in my phone and throw the paper away in the can next to me.

--

Erik's POV

I wake up way later than usual this morning. I read the time on my phone.

9:10 AM

Message

G-Baby 2 min

E, shoot is at Marcus Garvey Park. We start at 10 if you can make it

Message

718-993-2309 5 min

Erik, It's Syeda. Hit me when you get up.

How did she...ZIGGY. I text Gina back to tell her I'll meet up with her for lunch again today and I decide to give Syd a call. Hopefully she came to her senses and decided what side of the fence to stay on. "Hello?" "Uh, hey. Syd? It's Erik." I clear my throat, I just realized I still have my deep morning tone. "Yeah, Hey. I was just hitting you to let you know that I finally booked a venue for my show." "Oh yeah?" "Mhm. Booked it a hour ago. 583 Park Avenue." "Damn ma, that's fancy as fuck. How you pull that?" I sit up rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Ayana. Her PR colleague pulled some strings and helped me book it. I gotta eat ramen until my birthday, but I got it." I chuckle as I think to myself, "When is your birthday?" "Uh, it's next month. On the sixteenth." I lean back on the uncomfortable couch laughing again, "Ah. That's why we been bumpin' heads. My birthday is next month too, on the ninth." she laughs with me on the other end, "You're an Aquarius man? Oh God, you're crazy!" I scoff at her accusation, "You're an Aquarius too, so don't that make you crazy?" "No. No. The men give us the bad crazy stereotype!" "Let's agree to disagree Syd." she giggles and agrees, that shit sounds so sexy on the phone, I have to readjust my morning wood. "So...You thought about what I said last ni--" "SYD! I NEED YOUR HELP!" I hear her annoying ass best friend yell out for her and I roll my eyes. "E, I don't have a choice to make right now. I got a fashion show and visuals to put together in a month. That's my boyfriend right now. I'd appreciate it if you show up for me, as my friend." I huff at that word, friend. "Bet. I gotchu." silence fell between us, "I gotta go, it's almost call time. I'll hit you later?" "Yeah. That's cool, friend." She sucks her teeth at my sarcasm, "Bye, E."

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Translation - “Dios mío!” - Oh My God!

“ zihlala ziphazamisekile!” -   Always interrupted!

“Enye kwakhona?” - Another one(guy)?

🌹

[deku-lily]

A (late) b-day gift for Perf and TK!

This here is just a little something I wrote to celebrate Time Kid Sans’ birthday (and to thank Perf for, you know, bringing him into the world in the first place.) It’s pretty late, but the idea popped into my head and wouldn’t leave! >//w//< So, here we go! ^o^

TK!Sans and all the other Time Kids/the QuantumTale gang are PerfectShadow06’s babies. I’m just writing about them for kicks and (hopefully) laughs. :3

~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~

It was a nice day out. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming… A young skeleton known outside of his universe as “TK” lounged beneath his favorite napping tree, staring up at the sky through its leaves. However, he wasn’t napping, this time. Today, he was thinking.

TK Sans had unique abilities, allowing him to travel to other worlds and their timelines. In them, he met other versions of himself. Almost all of them were older than him, and that made him wonder. Was he one of them, in the making? If so, which one would he be? Was that something he could decide, or would Fate ultimately decide that for him?

He hoped Fate stayed out of it. Some of those other Sanses were pretty ticking weird, when they weren’t total goobers or just plain insane…

His thoughts were interrupted when Undyne stomped up to him and, without any preamble, boldly said, “YO, nerd punk!! How old are you?”

Sans sat up, raising a brow ridge at her as he asked, “why d’you wanna know?”

Undyne rolled her eyes impatiently. “Because Papyrus told me it was your birthday, today! And there’s this human tradition I heard about, that I want to try. But it depends on how old you are, so just tell me, already!”

Sans didn’t immediately answer. He hadn’t realized it was his birthday, already. But leave it to good ol’ Papyrus to remember, for him. Sans couldn’t help but chuckle at how cool his baby bro could be. Finally, he said to Undyne, “before i tell you, what’s this tradition you heard about?”

She grinned before telling him, giving him a really bad feeling.

“It’s a good luck tradition, where the birthday boy (or girl, I guess) gets spanked once for every year they’ve lived, plus one. And guess who gets to try it out today?” She cracked her knuckles with a smile that did NOT bode well for Sans.

The skeleton sat upon the ground for a second, blinking at his friend. Then he calmly stood, brushed himself off, looked her straight in the eyes and said “no tickin’ way,” before running for his life. He heard her roaring behind him.

“NGAAHH! GET BACK HERE, YOU BONY COWARD!!!” Sans didn’t dare look back, but he knew she was gaining on him.

*not good! The young skeleton reached into the bag of tricks he kept on hand for emergencies like this. Finding what he was looking for, he chucked a special little surprise behind him. Undyne was stopped by a cloud of smoke and confetti, letting him slip away. She wasn’t going to be happy with that, but if it got Sans away from the spearfish hunting for him, it was all good to him.

~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~

He decided to hide in the lab, for a while. Upon entering, Sans tip-toed his way around all the bits and pieces scattered on the floor. It looked like Alphys was working on her latest pet project (that, or it blew up. Again.)

Suddenly, one of his shoelaces caught on something, tripping him! His arms windmilled as he fell chin-first into a box full of miscellaneous parts. He heard Alphys’ surprised voice as he struggled to heave himself out of the box, his legs kicking in the air and unable to find any purchase.

“Oh my god! S-Sans? Are y-you alright? I-I didn’t hear you come in…” Finally, she got over her shock and pulled him out by the back of his coat. A couple of gears were stuck in his eye sockets… Sans grinned at her, pointing at his face.

“oh, you know me. just gearing up for my next big adventure!”

Alphys didn’t laugh, but she did take the gears out for him, letting Sans see her unamused expression. It still made him chuckle.

“If you can joke around like that,” said the budding scientist, “then you’re fine. But what are you really doing here?”

Sans shook himself and his coat, a little, making sure no smaller parts were rattling around, anywhere. As he did, he said, “undyne had this stupid idea, just because she found out it’s my birthday. there was no way i was just gonna go along with it, so i got outta there.”

Alphys smiled as she clapped her hands together. “It’s your birthday? Tanjobi oumedetou!”

Sans stopped shaking to stare at Alphys. “…huh?”

She was blushing miserably as she said, “Um… th-that’s how they s-say ‘happy birthday’ i-in anime.”

“oh… okay. thanks, al.” He smiled at her. It wasn’t surprising that Alphys didn’t know it was his birthday. He usually didn’t tell people, since it wasn’t all that important. But it brought up a good question. “wait, why did paps tell fish lips it was my birthday?”

Alphys shrugged uncertainly, unsure whether the question had been directed at her, or if it had been rhetorical. She didn’t get to find out because a loud, insistent knocking was visited upon the lab’s front door.

“Hey, nerd, open up! We need to talk!” Bam, bam, bam, bam went Undyne’s fist, making Alphys worry about the door’s structural integrity.

As a comedian, Sans was offended. He shook his head with one brow ridge raised as he said, “worst knock-knock joke ever.” He shoved his hands into his coat pockets and started walking in the opposite direction, to the lab’s back door. “welp, time out.”

Alphys tried to stop him, reaching a hand for him. “H-hey! You can’t j-just leave me here to deal with her, alone!”

Sans said, over his shoulder, “sorry, al. but i’d kinda like to stay in one piece ‘til my next birthday, yknow?”

His lizard friend’s hand fell as she said, “I see your point.” Undyne then burst into the room, but Sans was already long gone.

~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~

Back outside, Sans sighed. Was the fish stick going to chase him all day, until she got her hands on him for that stupid human thing? Why did Papyrus have to sic her on him, this way? Then again, he probably didn’t know she’d be doing this sort of thing, so it was hardly his fault. He was probably just trying to do something nice. He would have to track Papyrus down and ask him. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen his bro since breakfast. Granted, he hadn���t been back to the house in a while. Maybe that should be the first place to look? But before he could head that way, another familiar voice stopped him.

“Hello, Sans! What brings out here?”

He turned around, finding Toriel behind him. She was in her clinic uniform, and was carrying a box in her arms. “oh, hey tori. nothin’ much. just about to head home, actually.”

Toriel smiled. “I am going home, as well. I was asked to run an errand, and-” She stopped mid-sentence, focusing intently on Sans’ face.

It made him a little uncomfortable. “uh, do i have something on my face?”

“Yes, you do,” said the princess. “There is a small hairline fracture along your mandible, on the right side.” She grabbed him by the hand and started hauling him behind her. “You are coming to the clinic to have it treated.”

“aw, c’mon, tori! i’m fine!” Even as he said that, Sans touched his mandible and finally felt it. It was a tiny thing, so small he hadn’t even noticed it before she pointed it out, but it was there. It must have happened when he fell into that box of metal and plastic parts. It stung a bit…

Without looking behind herself, Toriel said, “I have heard that one before, Sans. I am still treating you.”

The time bug rolled his eyes. “fine. but you don’t have to hold my hand! i can walk by myself.”

She didn’t let go. “If I release you, you will run away.”

Sans scoffed. “oh, puh-lease! name one time.”

“Last Thursday. You were due for your booster shot and ran off before it could be administered. You have not visited the clinic, since.”

Sans blushed, having forgotten about that. “oh, right. heh! sorry, tori. i, uh, don’t like needles.” He had been dealing with the things all his life. Could he be blamed for not wanting any more stuck in him?

Toriel, still facing forward, didn’t notice any change in Sans’ expression. But she did say, “I am well aware of your discomfort with needles, Sans. But your health is of greater concern to me.” Her hand tightened on his. “So please, do not run away, again.”

He thought for a moment, then sighed as he said, “oh, alright.” She really was a good friend, even if she was a bit of a worrywart.

The treatment didn’t take long. Just a little healing magic to his mandible and he was good as new. But before he could leave, Toriel smiled brightly and said, “That is right! Sans, permit me to wish you a happy birthday.”

Stopping mid-stride, Sans stared at her. “how’d you know that was today?”

“I met your brother, while I was on my errand. He was the one to tell me.”

“he did, huh?” Just what was the little rascal up to? “anyway, thanks, tori.” He tried to leave again, but Toriel’s hand grabbing his wrist prevented that.

With a pleasant smile, she said, “I do believe there is still the matter of that booster shot to attend to.”

Sans was filled with dread. He tried wheedling his way out of things. “aww, but it’s my birthday! you can’t expect a guy to deal with that on his birthday, can you?”

Still smiling, Toriel said, “Had you received your shot when you were supposed to, we would not have to do it today.”

Sans couldn’t argue with that. He tried to pull his wrist away, but Toriel wasn’t making it easy. In fact, he knew she could drag him away to see the doctor, bag of tricks or not.

A chill wind blew through his bones. It looked like he was getting ticking shot, after all.

~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~

Sans rubbed at his chest, since he couldn’t rub his soul in public. That magic booster shot always hurt! He didn’t even need it, but he got it every couple of years, anyway. Doc Gaster always said there was no harm in it, but Sans’ opinion differed on matter. Vehemently.

He sighed. Welp, what was done, was done. There was no point in wasting energy whining about it. He still had to find his little brother and ask him what the tick he thought he was doing, telling all their friends about his birthday. Though he seemed to have missed Alphys… that or Sans had run into her before Papyrus had the chance to tell her. Still, it raised the question of “where was he, now?”

Probably not at the castle. Prince Asgore Fluffybuns was way too busy with royal stuff to entertain unannounced guests. Probably not Gorgette’s house, since they didn’t know where she lived (and Sans REALLY hoped Papyrus wasn’t going to tell her.) Of all their friends, that just left the Blook cousins and…

Just as he was thinking about them, Sans saw Frisk up ahead. They were reading a book while sitting under a tree, which gave him an idea.

A little sneaking and a little blue magic later (much easier than climbing), Sans was above Frisk, in the boughs of the tree. He started dropping handfuls of leaves on their head, confusing them for a little while before they thought to look up. Their face met more leaves, making Sans chuckle.

Frisk was smiling, too. “I guess it’d be asking too much for you to get down and leaf me alone?” they asked.

And so, the pun-off began. Sans retorted with, “why should i? trees are the best place fo-rest.”

“You don’t look very rested to me. You look sapped of energy.”

Sans suddenly didn’t feel like playing, anymore. “ugh, don’t remind me.”

Frisk was concerned. “What’s wrong?”

Sans climbed down the old-fashioned way, sitting next to Frisk as he said, “undyne has this stupid idea about spanking me, just because it’s my birthday. she says it’s something humans do.” Incredulously, he asked, “do you seriously do that sorta thing?”

Frisk nodded, but also said, “They aren’t supposed to be real spanks, though. Just fake ones to embarrass you in front of your friends. But it doesn’t sound like Undyne knows that…”

Sans shuddered, rattling slightly. “pretty sure she doesn’t. and she’s already tracked me down twice.”

Frisk looked up, and in the general direction of the clinic. “I think she’s working on number three.”

Sans followed their squinty gaze, seeing the tall dust cloud that somebody was leaving in their wake as they ran. Sans softly said, “no tickin’ way,” as Undyne became visible.

Frisk put a hand on his shoulder, saying, “Quick! Hide behind the tree. I’ve got an idea.” They stood and left the shade, making themselves more visible to Undyne as Sans hid. The royal guard-in-training arrived shortly afterward, skidding to a stop and making her dust cloud expand. Sans peeked around the tree as much as he dared to watch them while they talked.

Thankfully, Undyne hadn’t seen him before he hid. To Frisk, she said, “Hey, punk! Have you seen Sans, today?”

Frisk, coughing on the dust a bit, shook their head. “Can’t say I have. Why?”

Undyne reached into a pocket, pulling out some kind of piece of paper. “It’s the dweeb’s birthday, and Papyrus asked me to have our friends sign this.” She gave Frisk a pen, and the human signed whatever-it-was. Sans was curious, but Undyne wasn’t done.

“I’ve already seen Alphys and Toriel. I’m supposed to go see Asgore now. But if you see that bony coward, stall him. Papyrus doesn’t want him home before 4pm!”

“Okay. But one thing, first.” Undyne raised an eyebrow at them, just before Frisk said, “Since you don’t normally do stuff like this, does that make you a fish out of water?”

Sans had to hide completely behind the tree, covering his mouth as he struggled not to laugh. Undyne’s face had been priceless!! But Frisk boldly went on.

“It’s odd that you would do anybody a favor. Are you feeling alright?”

Undyne spoke through clenched teeth. “I. Am fine. Thank you.”

“Are you sure? You’re looking a little… green around the gills.”

“SHUT UP!!!” Undyne glared at Frisk for a moment, but then…

“Whatever you say, sturgeon general.”

Undyne roared, and Frisk bolted while dodging spears like a pro. They led her away from Sans and the tree, and the skeleton finally let himself laugh out loud.

~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~

After recovering from his belly-laughing, Sans went home. It was a little after noon, and he was hoping to catch Papyrus in the middle of whatever-it-was he was doing.

Sans snuck in quietly, wanting to surprise his brother. But he wasn’t in the living room, or the dining room or kitchen, and everything seemed normal. Maybe he was in his room? Or outside? But when Sans opened the door to Papyrus’ room, he was met by something unexpected.

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. With no other leads, he went outside. Again, there was nothing to indicate anything was going on. Sans was left scratching his skull.

Was he too early? Was Papyrus off somewhere, gathering whatever supplies he needed for his plan? What did he think he could do, all by himself? Where was he?

*…is he okay? he knows he should be home, by now. did something happen? what if-

Sans’ thoughts were interrupted by a sound, coming from his room. Papyrus didn’t normally go into his room…

He grit his teeth. *a burglar? i swear, if they did something to paps…!

Sans ran up the stairs. He kicked opened the door, eyes glowing and ready to rumble. He startled the intruder, who was laying on his belly on the floor.

“NYEH?! BROTHER? YOU’RE HOME! I-I MEAN, DON’T LOOK! IT’S NOT DONE, YET!”

Papyrus was trying to cover up a large piece of paper with the upper half of his body. As relief flooded Sans’ body he looked around, finding all manner of things that he hadn’t had in his room, this morning. Colorful chains made with construction paper, ready to hang wherever, party hats and little party favors, rolls of streamers, the list went on.

Now calm, Sans asked, “paps, what’re you doing in my room?”

Busted, the little skeleton stood up, clutching his project in his hands. Hesitantly, he confessed.

“I KNOW I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE, WITHOUT PERMISSION BUT… JUST IN CASE YOU CAME HOME EARLY, I WAS HOPING THIS’D BE THE LAST PLACE YOU’D THINK TO LOOK FOR ME! YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SLEEP ON THE COUCH, FOR YOUR AFTERNOON NAP! AS FOR WHAT I’M DOING…” Papyrus turned the paper he was holding around, letting Sans see it. It was a half-colored drawing of the two of them and Doc Gaster, with all their friends surrounding them. Sans was in the middle of it all, with a big smile on his face. Papyrus continued while he looked it over.

“YOU’VE BEEN QUIET, LATELY. WELL, QUIET FOR YOU, I MEAN. AND A LITTLE SAD, EVERY NOW AND THEN. I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE, TO CHEER YOU UP, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT COOL BROTHERS DO!”

Sans was a little stunned. “so… you’ve been planning a birthday party, for me?”

“YES!!” Papyrus grew more animated as he revealed everything. How he had enlisted Undyne to help everyone sign a special birthday card, and keep Sans from coming home too soon. How he had figured out Sans’ favorite cake flavor, and had asked Toriel to help him bake one up, later. How he was going to make all the decorations by himself, so everything would be extra special! Toriel had said she’d help him hang them up, too. But now…

“EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE! BUT NOW IT WON’T BE. I WAS HOPING UNDYNE WOULD KEEP YOU DISTRACTED, LONGER!”

Sans held back a laugh. “s-sorry, pap. she was the one that got distracted. she ran into frisk, and they tried out some puns on her. you know how she is with puns.”

Papyrus nodded. “EXACTLY! I THOUGHT SHE’D BE CHASING YOU AROUND FOR MOST OF THE DAY!”

Sans’ smile became a little fixed as he thought, *so he DID sic undyne on me… Aloud he asked, “were you the one who told her about the human birthday tradition?”

Papyrus tilted his head. “WHAT TRADITION?”

“nothin’. forget i asked, buddy.” Sans pat his brother on the head, relieved that he was innocent of THAT much, at least. Still, he hadn’t realized his thinking about the future had been that obvious. Had he really been that much of a mope about it? He didn’t mean to worry anybody, especially not his little brother. He might have to take his thinking someplace else, from now on…

Changing the subject, Sans said, “sorry about the surprise being spoiled. y’know, i could always pretend to be surprised. i can be pretty convincing, look!” Sans feigned surprise, knowing full well it wasn’t very convincing, but giving it a shot, anyway. Papyrus wasn’t amused.

“THAT DOESN’T COUNT!” He pouted up at his big brother, looking adorable despite his frustration.

“heh! sorry, pal.” Even as he chuckled, Sans did feel a little bit bad. Papyrus had clearly been working hard on this surprise. It was a shame he hadn’t managed to pull it off. But running around today, seeing all his best friends, having a laugh or two… All-in-all, it had been a pretty good birthday (minus that shot but hey, a guy couldn’t have everything. At least Toriel had meant well.)

It all made Sans think, *i’m a pretty lucky guy, aren’t i?

The older brother smiled. “hey, paps. you wanna know somethin’?” When the younger brother nodded Sans knelt down, meeting his eyes. “you did manage to surprise me with one thing. you reminded me of how many cool friends we’ve got. and how i’ve got the coolest little bro in the world.”

Papyrus was beaming. “REALLY??” At Sans’ nod the brothers embraced, though the elder added a bit of a noogie for the whole Undyne thing. But he was laughing as his brother tried to wriggle away from him.

Just for today, the future could wait. All those timelines, all those possibilities, Fate… they could wait, too. Right now, metaphorically surrounded by his friends and family, Sans’ present was looking pretty sweet.

[definitelynotaminion]

Alright, send me prompts. Preferably Naruto

And preferably femslash because I’m trying to get Bingo on my sapphic september card but I kind of need a break

PROMPT LIST http://blackkatmagic.tumblr.com/post/176501846800/caydenhathaway-ok-but-you-know-what-trope-i

Accidental sex

“Anything you can do I can do better INCLUDING THAT” sex

“You played a prank on me and now I’m going to play one on you except oops this accidentally got hot” sex

“You made an inaccurate assumption about *insert sexual or sexuality misnomer here* and I’m going to teach you the truth” sex

“You think you’re so smart so I’m going to teach you a lesson” sex

“Do you think I look good/hot/provocative in this? Wait is this turning you on???” sex

“You don’t know what *insert kink here* is and I’m really bad at explaining things and now we’re doing it oops” sex

“I bet I can dance/move/act like that and I don’t even have to be a dancer/stripper/actor/whatever wait are you turned on?” sex

“I lost a bet to you and the circumstances were supposed to be a joke but I took them seriously” sex

“You were joking about something and I took you seriously” sex

“You seem to think that __ won’t feel good and I intend to prove you wrong” sex

“You’re intentionally getting under my skin so I threaten to spank you/playfully spank you and now you look like you just got banged against a wall” sex

“I didn’t know you were a sub and when I called you a good boy/girl you almost cried” sex

“I didn’t know you were a dom and when I called you Sir/Ma'am you almost jumped me” sex

“Playing a prank on our freinds to make them think we’re a couple and now we’re in bed together” sex

“I’m fixing you *insert appliance/furniture/house thing hee* for you and now I’m sweaty and half naked and you’re drooling” sex

“I noticed the way you were watching me eat this popsicle so I purposely started making it an inuendo and now we’re both hot and bothered” sex

“Haha that thing they do in movies/porn/online is so corny like no way that’s actually hot haha oops it is” sex

“Freinds can totally watch porn together and nothing can happen…. no they can’t” sex

“I showed you *insert sexual thing here* as a joke but you’re actually turned on” sex

“You found my sex toys and I teasingly offered to demonstrate them welp here we are” sex

“I started pretending to dirty talk to you an hour ago and it stopped being pretending 58 minutes ago” sex

“All I’m saying is that I’ve been told I’m a good lay, wanna find out?” sex

“You said you don’t like __ but I bet the people you were with just don’t know how to do it, I, however, have experience and bet I could make you like it” sex

“We platonically slept together last night because of circumstances and we both woke up horny” sex

“This started as a tickle fight and it isn’t tickling anymore” sex

“We’re just bros being bros and doing something 100% platonic but somehow we’re turning eachother on because of not-so-burried feelings for eachother and we can’t make it stop” sex

Accidental sex ok?

OR: Other prompts. I’m not picky.

Actually here’s another list from Kat’s blog

Prompt List of Sarcasm

13 September 2018

SOURCE

eternalmikaelson:

“Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.”

“Define normal.”

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”

“It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.”

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“And you wonder why you’re still single.”

“Remind me to kill you. Please.”

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”

“Were you dropped on your head?”

“She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.”

“She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.”

“If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.”

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

“If I survive, can I go home?”

“My middle finger salutes you.”

“This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.”

“I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.”

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”

“Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.”

“Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”

“Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

“All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.”

“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

“What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”

“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

“I need therapy after this.”

“You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”

“I’m not weird. I am limited edition.”

“I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.”

“I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.”

“If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.”

“You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?”

“I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.”

“I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.”

“Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.”

“I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.”

“Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

“You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.”

“Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!”

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

“Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”

“I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.”

“Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.”

“You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.”

“What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”

“So stick that in your juice box and suck it.”

“Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.”

“This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.”

“A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.”

“Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.”

“I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.”

“You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.”

“What you call insanity, I call inspiration.”

“Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”

“Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”

“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”

“I like you. You’re different.”

“You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”

“Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

“You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.”

“Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.”

“I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

“I care so little, I almost passed out.”

“Well behaved woman rarely make history.”

“You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.”

“The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”

“You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.”

“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”

“How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.”

“Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.”

“Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.”

“I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.”

“You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.”

“Have fun being deal.” “I will.”

“Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”

“It’s called thinking. Go with it.”

“I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”

“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”

“I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.”

“The girl is strange no question.”

“Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.”

“I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.”

“You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.”

“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”

“I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.”

“I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.”

“If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”

“I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.”

“Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.”

“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”

“You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”

“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”

“My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.”

“I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.”

“My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.”

“She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.”

“And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.”

“Such big evil in such a little thing.”

“Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?”

“What does not kill you will likely try again.”

“Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.”

“And hello to you too… little homewrecker.”

“I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”

“What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”

“In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.”

“Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.”

“This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.”

[beatconductor-blog]

AA: y0u tried t0 c0ntact me? AA: s0rry i was busy being a...grub

😎: i got as much yeah 😎: i guess you ungrubbed 😎: bc listen uh 😎: shits wild 😎: hey you know how you told me sometimes i gotta risk shit 😎: im having second thoughts AA: d0 tell 😎: id rather not 😎: jk 😎: just uh 😎: give me a moment 😎: alright so uh 😎: hey funny story did you know socks also called dave 😎: and also i shouldnt be here in the first place and this is probably the biggest mistake of my life and boy i did a lot of those AA: ... hm AA: i supp0se i AA: c0uld have put th0se things t0gether already 😎: could you or did you 😎: and does that mean were in unanimous agreement that i should gtfo yeah kay cool AA: i did n0t AA: and n0 AA: where d0 y0u want t0 gtf0 t0 😎: yanno 😎: anywhere else thats not here 😎: out of this city 😎: this universe 😎: peoples life > Deleted. AA: hmm AA: let me c0nsider this briefly AA: n0 😎: okay 😎: but uh 😎: i guess shits a lil awkward 😎: like someone shitting into the punch bowl at a wedding awkward(edited) AA: a little bit yes AA: but y0u didnt kn0w did y0u? AA: y0u still d0nt kn0w the full st0ry i assume 😎: yeah no 😎: but i know a lot of other shit 😎: and just 😎: well shit 😎: i guess this is all a lil too much too handle 😎: and im kinda still panicing 😎: look arent you proud of my incredible self-awareness AA: y0u d0nt have t0 handle it right n0w y0u kn0w AA: y0u are pr0bably still sh0cked y0u sh0uldnt decide anything right n0w 😎: alright whos gonna do the deciding then tho AA: im deciding y0u need a g00d hug 😎: sounds like a sound decision AA: im c0ming 0ver then 😎: alrighty 😎: uh ara 😎: thanks

Coco 👑Yesterday at 8:19 PM > There's a knock on Dave's door about half an hour later. rootyYesterday at 8:31 PM > There's a loud noise as something gets knocked over, and then most more hasty scrambling. Then a moment of silence, which totally isn't you trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable right in front of the door, nope. > Then you open the door. And boy, it's a mess. You and the apartment. You look like you didn't sleep in three days, which is probably about right, and there's stuff all over the apartment because you most likely didn't stay in a single spot for more than five minutes. > Also, a soft cawing from like three crows that got very comfy inside because of a window that's been open for just as long. Coco 👑Yesterday at 8:39 PM You got worried that whatever got knocked over was Dave for a moment there but he does manage to open up the door, so that's something. The mess inside is easy to ignore, you know Dave well enough and you grew up with a bunch of brothers. The mess that is Dave though... Utterly pitiful. You just pull him into a tight hug right there in the door. rootyYesterday at 9:02 PM Oh, you didn't expect that to go so quick but... Man, you didn't realize how much you really needed that. You stand there awkardly for a moment, then your arms try to find their way somewhere through Aradia's mane. You realize there's no way you can say anything without your voice shaking, so you choose to just be quiet and let that happen. Coco 👑Yesterday at 9:31 PM Nothing a good long hug can't at least make a little better right? But all good things must end so you eventually let go of him to make your way to his couch, kicking off whatever crap is on there. You gesture at him to come sit with you. "You look like shit Dave." It's important to be honest right? rootyYesterday at 9:38 PM "I know." There it was, the shaky voice. And that half laugh didn't really cover it up. You gladly follow her to the couch though and let yourself drop next to her. And... then what? Being honest sounds like a good plan, but you honestly don't know where to even start. So you opt to just bury your face into her and let out a long-drawn-out noise. Coco 👑Yesterday at 10:01 PM "Shhh..." You just pet the mess in your arms. What can you even say about this whole mess? Not a lot. God knows he has every right t be fucked up over it. rootyYesterday at 10:26 PM

Oh hey is it getting wet or is that just you? No, it's totally not your face that's leaking. After a couple of minutes you actually manage to calm down some and turn, so you're lying somewhat comfy on Aradia's lap and just start babbling on your own as the silence gets unbrearable. 

 "So... you know... Sock being a Dave isn't really the problem. I've- I've talked with alternates before. That of other people and my own. The multiverse is a big and weird place. The issue is that he's, like, THE Dave. The- the one from here. I- I almost forgot this isn't my place... That I came from somewhere else. But... I didn't think he'd exist. He wasn't there. There was only Bro and- Fuck, Bro..." Your voice cracks, but you're not done yet. 

"The shit he said about Bro. I thought he was a better one...." Now you're done, as your voice slowly dies in your throat. Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:05 PM This is actually the first time you have seen Dave become this undone and it's breaking your heart. Worst of all there's so little you can really do for him except for stroking his hair in a weak attempt to calm him down. 

"You couldn't have known that about him though. You didn't know he's around when you arrived here right? Don't blame yourself for something that was out of your control." 

Bro though... It hits you just now how little you actually know about this man beyond him existing somewhere maybe. That's about all Dave ever told you and Sock never spoke about him at all until just yesterday. 

"How...How did Bro treat you then?"

rootyYesterday at 11:16 PM

Don't Blame Yourself is a real big fucking word for you. Aradia should know that. But then again, hearing that little reassurance from her was kind of helped. "Better than him..." This one did, at least. It's not that you wanted to keep anything hidden from Aradia this time, but more than you yourself were absolutely not ready to delve into whatever the fuck you left behind.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:25 PM

You know that's asking a lot of him but damn, there's nothing to be gained by blaming himself for everything all the damn time. "Well... Perhaps he wanted to make up for how he treated Sock? Whatever the reason, that's not your fault either." rootyYesterday at 11:34 PM

Your hand finds hers and just... holds it. Presses it against your head. The more contact, the better. The only way to make this all somewhat more bearable."This whole thing is a fuck." Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:39 PM

You other hand finds his cheek and gently pets it. Shhh... "It is. But it's not your fuck, you are just along for the ride. That and.. You don't even have the full story do you? Like why Sock wasn't around? Don't run away to earth before you at least talked to him okay?"

rootyYesterday at 11:43 PM

"I'm not, alright. I'm just... I don't know." The touch helped. Something nice you could focus on. "God, he must be freaking out..."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:47 PM

You can have plenty of touches Dave. "Probably, yeah... But he's at home, I'm sure he's safe."

rootyYesterday at 11:50 PM

But can you really be sure, Aradia. You sigh. "What do I even say to him.."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:51 PM

"Well knowing you guys... Some awkward introduction while you both pretend everything is fine until you eventually break down enough to actually tell each other what's on your mind."

rootyYesterday at 11:53 PM

You actually finally open your eyes and give her an annoyed look. Mostly annoyed because you know she's right. "Thing is I still don't know what's on my mind. It's all a mess. ..I don't wanna leave him hanging though."

Coco 👑Today at 12:01 AM

"Well we're here to try to sort your thoughts a little."

rootyToday at 12:10 AM

"Well uh. Here's a thought: I hate everything that's happening.  I want him to be alright though."

Coco 👑Today at 12:15 AM

"Sounds reasonable. Sounds like there's no way around talking to him too though."

rootyToday at 12:19 AM

You gesture with your free arm. "Well yeah but how!! 'Hey Sock I know things are hella awkward but I appreciate you' doesn't really cut it does it?"

Coco 👑Today at 12:23 AM

"Why not?"

rootyToday at 12:24 AM

"..." You stare at her. "Does it?" Listen. Aradia should know you're bad at this.

Coco 👑Today at 12:30 AM

"It's a start isn't it? It's reassuring to hear that you still care for him!"

rootyToday at 12:31 AM

"I guess. I hate how everyone always makes that shit sound so simple."

Coco 👑Today at 12:38 AM

"It's not simple. It's really hard, but it's important. You just have to try to explain as best as you can and it'll be okay...ish."

rootyToday at 12:40 AM

"Okayish. Now that sounds realistic for once." Actually, okayish sounds pretty okay. Better than what's going on right now.

Coco 👑Today at 12:41 AM

"Okayish can turn into okay with time and some work you know? It doesn't have to be okay right away."

rootyToday at 12:44 AM

You make some frustrated noises. "Why can't it just be okay right away."

Coco 👑Today at 12:48 AM

"You can't just cheat your way past everything else, that's why." You get his frustration though. He get's a big forehead kiss.

rootyToday at 12:52 AM

You pout. "I can still try." But you've actually managed to calm down a bunch. Who knows, maybe not everything would go up in flames.

Coco 👑Today at 12:58 AM

Boop his nose. "Your cheap cheat codes won't work on your brain Dave. Can't glitch through that things walls either." He looks a little better and that makes you smile.

rootyToday at 1:02 AM

"Hey now. You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of yet. The other half got stuck in the floor once." Her smile actually makes you smile. Damn those gross contagious feelings.

Coco 👑Today at 1:03 AM

"Did you take pictures of your messy glitchy brain? I'd love to see them."

rootyToday at 1:07 AM

"Yeah, but it all looks like vaporwave and dick jokes. Kinda lame, if you ask me."

Coco 👑Today at 1:12 AM

"Aw. I do like this silly brain of yours a lot."

rootyToday at 1:14 AM

"Getting quite mushy there, miss."

Coco 👑Today at 1:15 AM

"Oh no! I will turn it down!" You pull away your hands. No more pets.

rootyToday at 1:17 AM

Oh. No!!! Your desperate noises say that you liked that. Don't take hands away.

Coco 👑Today at 1:18 AM

"But Dave...I can't keep on touching you. That's mushy."

rootyToday at 1:22 AM

"Aw shit. That's a problem. What do you advise?"

Coco 👑Today at 1:29 AM

"Allowing me to mush you up"

rootyToday at 1:30 AM

You wrinkle your nose in fake disgust. "Aw man. Fine. Just this once."

Coco 👑Today at 1:35 AM

Kiss his cheek.

rootyToday at 1:37 AM

Oh. Oh no that's more mush than you expected. And makes you blush a little. Just a little.

Coco 👑Today at 1:40 AM

"Don't get all mushy on me Dave."

rootyToday at 1:41 AM

"Shut up. I'm not. You are."

Coco 👑Today at 1:49 AM

Kiss his nose.

rootyToday at 1:53 AM

Eeeeeeee alright that's getting too much for you to handle. "Okay alright yep." You sit up and rub your face. She can't see how much you're blushing when your back is turned to her. It's like for a moment you actually forgot how much of a crush you got on her. Whoops.

Coco 👑Today at 1:56 AM

"We already done with the cuddling?" You pout.

rootyToday at 4:44 AM

"Sorry girl, I know you can't resist me. I just don't want you to overdose on this Strider quality." Super smooth safe. Almost as if you didn't learn anything.

[ac-ars]

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

okay i know it’s been a long time, but i am lazy procrastinating trash and what can i do?? the good news is i passed math and i can continue my studies (what im doing rn and already regret that)

that’s all about this rant, it all is a mess yet i hope you like it and dont worry this story is gonna end soon (i’d say very soon but again, procrastinating ass) + proofread who?

all chapters before

“There’s this legend telling about beginning of the universe, when everything was created. It says that atoms were created and spread around entire universe missing those atoms they were created with. Since then these atoms are wandering aroung the universe looking for their close ones, hoping they will find one day and some of them are hidden in people. So it means people are unconsciously looking for someone in entire universe, hoping that their atoms find each other one day.”

“Is that all, or is there something more?”

“Now matter how far they are, they always find a way.”

Chapter 9 /or/ about conversations, chats and debates

Matteo feels like shit.

He has no idea what to do with his life and how to live it right now, because once Luna’s eyes lie on him, she frowns and turns around, leaving the place as soon as possible. He actually feels worse than shit; he feels like trash flowing through the space without destination in the very black cosmos, probably flying towards some big ass star who will burn him. Maybe that’s better; being burned by star is better than being constantly burned alive by angry look of Simón Alvarez, the first puppy boy on Earth, as he is protecting his best friend who got hurt by evil forces.

Balsano knows what he pulled and he knows why he did that, but he’s not sure how to take it all together. This was like ultimate dick move, the thing he pulled even without knowing he was pulling that. She overheard of course in the wrong moment and he still can’t believe this. And then he ran after her, fully knowing that she is going to throw some wild shit at him, but she was surprisingly not so out of control, even if he deserved it.

The only thing that Matteo has definitely not in his grasp is the fact that he got impossibly angry out of nowhere; just like this and as soon as Luna left he was at sad peace again.

Now he is just lying in his bed with Ámbar on his right side while Gastón is sitting by the desk keeping his feet on it. Matteo doesn’t even have power to tell him to put them into his ass, away from his desk.

He covers his eyes with his arm, completely done with life and himself, his friends are talking about some shit, but Italian isn’t listening at all. Ámbar is probably cursing at Gastón for not chilling him the night after the date, while Perida is trashing blonde for being an asshole. Nothing new and nothing Matteo would like to listen to.

He is almost asleep, but he can’t really focus on just sleeping because those two suckers started talking louder.

“Shut the fuck up for a second. I want to sleep,” he growls and Ámbar kicks his ankle.

“We are trying to figure out how to save your ugly ass from shit you pulled on everyone around,” she snorts back and Matteo pouts.

“My ass isn’t ugly.” Gastón giggles at this, hiding his face in his hands, trying to avoid Matteo’s look as Italian continues. “You have never found my ass ugly, Ámbar.”

“But your inside is ugly and it makes you ugly.”

“You are ugly then too.” Perida smiles and blonde shows him middle finger. “We all are ugly guys, but stop with that foreplay, because Matteo here fell for a girl and fucked it up in the most stupid way ever-” said Matteo wants to get up, but Ámbar slaps him in the chest and he stays chill, letting Gastón continue, “- while our dear blondie here made out with guitarist when you were on your date, if I recall correctly.”

Ámbar chokes almost falling from the bed, but Balsano pulls her back with her wrist. “You never mentioned that, little queen.” He pokes her on the ribs and she curses at Gastón. “What the hell, how do you even know that?”

Perida grins at her, lacing his fingers to look somehow like professional boss or some shit, but the fact his feet are still on Matteo’s desk ruin the picture. “I know you have his beanie in your locker. And I don’t need to tell you how do I know. Tell us more important thing, does he kiss better than Matteo?”

“No one kisses better than me, bro.” Mentioned Matteo snorts and turns to Ámbar, waiting for her to answer.

She just looks at him with uninterested eyes and bitter face. “I kiss better than you, idiot. Besides, this is ridiculous. Leave me alone.” Her lips turn into small pout as she crosses her arms.

“I can’t agree with that, Ámbar. But don’t worry, you are close second from what I can tell.”

Gastón grins and sends them a wink. Matteo giggles and blonde girl has to shake her head at those two morons. “Since we already know who kisses how well, we should focus on pulling Balsano away from title of worst-almost-boyfriend of the year.”

“Could you please stop asking, Simón? I am really tired of thinking about this. Not to mention you can ask Nina, she knows it all.” Luna sighs, playing with the pencil as they three are sitting in the kitchen of Benson mansion. Girls are doing — or trying to do their homework, but it fails big time when Alvarez boy keeps attempting to find out what happened with Matteo the other day.

“I need to hear it from you, maybe Nina will mess some facts?” he asks poking her cheek with another pencil and she lets her head fall to the notebook. “I doubt that. More likely I would mess something than Nina.”

He wants to say something but Luna jumps up before he manages to. “Those exercises are  more important that being sad.” She shakes her head violently, making her hair bounce around her face and tickling her nose.

“Luna, if you want to talk-” Nina starts softly, covering Luna’s hand with her fingers softly, yet Valente keeps denying stubbornly. “There is no need, please. I just need to focus on something else while you are reminding me about this all the time.” Brunette sighs, Simón nods and Luna sighs with relief.

She really needs some distraction. At least here; at home, where there is no Matteo Balsano, no messed soulmate drama and definitely no broken hearts. There is just smell of food her mom has been preparing for dinner today, warmth and love of her friends. At this point that’s all Luna needs and she is going to be happy. The faster she gets over asshole Italian the better, no matter how much pain it’s giving her. She can’t show outside that it hurts like bitch all the time, especially after her father kept growling around that he was gonna deal with this rude boy as soon as he sees him. Knowing Matteo they won’t see each other for long time so hopefully her father will forget about his revenge plans, because getting accused of damaging teenage boy, even if he hurt his little princess, would look really bad in his files.

This week has been a mess. Real, real mess, no matter how many days have passed, she still feels like in that very moment when she heard what he really feels. And despite the fact Luna was waiting for him to say anything, to text her or just smile after their date, now she regrets her curiosity, regrets that she told him about soulmates and somehow regrets feeling everything so hard that at the very end she is all broken, shattered and she can’t get enough of the glue to put herself together.

Not that she doesn’t manage daily life, because surprisingly she really does. In class she manages to focus, and if not, Nina nudges her from time to time, or pokes, and Luna is back, away from Matteo thoughts. The same on the rink; she’s working and helping people with skating what actually helps, well, until Matteo ends up on the rink as well, but it doesn’t happen often in last days. Seems like he is avoiding her and Luna doesn’t mind that at all, no matter how much her heart screams for him longing for his touch and smile.

Only her parents seem to not accept the fact she needs to get over him. Her mother keeps sending her small sad looks, while her dad is all about his questions and reminding her to not think about the boy, what doesn’t really help, but whatever really at this point.

It’s not that Luna regrets Matteo himself. It was actually fun and she remembers it all well, happy and as positive, good time they spent together. They just finished not in the way she expected it to finish.

Yes, she has expectations. Pretty high, if you ask, but who wouldn’t after time of good friendship, not to mention that his attitude on the date was like proof that he likes her too, that he wants it to be something else; not really friendship and Luna doesn’t regret giving him the chance. She has some cute memories after him and even if she can’t look at him currently, it was nice to have him for her own just for little time and spend with him few pleasing moments she can repeat and repeat in her head before sleep, ignoring the way her brain tells her to stop.

Nina nudges her in the ribs and she jumps looking around. “What?” Just after this she notices her father leaning his hands against the table and watching her with worry in his eyes. “Are you okay? I hope you aren’t thinking of that rude boy again.” He throws as a joke and Luna smiles softly, shaking her head. Miguel moves bouncing curl of her hair behind her ear as corners of his mouth curl up slightly.  

“Of course not, dad, I was trying to solve math problem. Do you want to help me?” Luna feels half bad for pulling this on her dad, but she needs him to stop asking about Matteo, no matter how well he intends. She can’t have everyone asking about him.

“Do I look like someone who would want to do math?” Miguel laughs tapping tip of her nose gently and making Luna giggle, before he leaves her with Nina and Simón.

“You know what,” Alvarez starts while brushing his chin with his fingers, looking somehow thrice as smart as he is, “I know what to do to make you happy.”

Luna sighs and scrunches her nose in cute way. “What are you gonna do then?” she asks, but he just grins and winks at her. “That’s a secret, my friend.”

Nina snorts.

Matteo sighs, mixing his smoothie with the straw, totally tired after another sleepless night, classes at Blake and he doesn’t even feel like skating recently. He is waiting for Gastón to come here, but the asshole is late for like fifteen minutes and Matteo starts to feel impatient and annoyed.

He feels someone patting on his shoulder, so he turns around, yet as soon as he notices Simón puppy Alvarez watching him with those weird eyes, Matteo wants to get up, leave and not come back. Ever.

“I don’t have time for conversations,” he just murmurs under his breath, but guitarist apparently manages to hear that. Damn him.

“Well, no one here tells you to talk to me. You are going to listen.” Simón pouts in very Luna way, and it makes Matteo’s heart skip a beat lowkey, because he misses Luna’s pouts and her smiles and, shit, everything of her.

“What am I supposed to listen? If you want to punch me or some shit, just do it and leave me alone.”

Alvarez snorts at him, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “I’m sure it’s not necessary, because you already look like someone punched you. And Luna wouldn’t really appreciate this way of support from me, so we will leave punching for someone else, okay?” He sits in front of Balsano. “I think you have a problem, Matteo.”

Italian frowns, totally surprised, because one, he doesn’t look that bad, two, he still thinks Luna wouldn’t mind her friend punching him and three, what problem? That’s what he asks.

“I have a problem? Maybe you care to explain me, since I am too dense today apparently.”

Simón chuckles with small nod, his beanie moves weirdly and Matteo is sure it’s going to fall from his head, but it doesn’t. “I haven’t met someone so bad at showing any emotions. Maybe except Ámbar, but she’s hardcore case.”

Matteo snorts at the mention of Ámbar, fully knowing that this guy made out with her few days ago, and it somehow makes him forget about the first part of the sentence, yet he goes back to it after a moment and feels offended as fuck. “I am not bad. What is the point of this conversation even?”

Mexican guy sighs dramatically, playing with his pick necklace. “Not that I’m trying to hate on you, because I am a nice person, but you need to chill your ass with this whole questioning everything. Especially when it comes to feel something.”

This is ridiculous, the day came, guitarist is giving him advice in love life, or feelings, whatever. He is doing that and Matteo suddenly feels super flat, like water spreading around the table before falling from it with small drops, because deep down, in this small tiny hidden part, he knows that Simón is right; he knows Luna better than Balsano does at this point and he knows how to handle her.

“I want to clear things out, because from what I know, they aren’t really clear. At one moment you throw some shit that you have no idea what you feel, but later you keep sending Luna longing stares and she, fortunately, doesn’t see most of them. I do though, and I can’t really catch what you want, Matteo. If you feel, or feel that you feel something to her, just fix this shit, if you don’t, just leave her alone, okay?”

Matteo looks at him surprised. He managed to say it all with calm, yet sure tone. There was no threat actually, no curses and no hate words. That’s not what Italian would expect after this all, because Ámbar trashed him as fuck, Gastón wasn’t commenting anything while Simón Alvarez out of all people was chill and explained calmly what he expects from him before completely casually walking to his best friend, pulling her towards the stage along with guitar and playing some probably new song. Luna is grinning and singing from time to time, and she looks happy.

Matteo wants her to be happy.

“So you say that Matteo regrets that?” Luna asks him with skeptical face and Gastón can’t really blame her, because he wouldn’t believe that either if he weren’t in the middle or this war zone. When it comes to Balsano you can really call his problems war zone.

“Yes. I am his best friend so I know everything firsthand.” He smiles and nudges her as they are walking towards her class in Blake, after he very politely offered walking her there. “Besides, you can not believe him, but why wouldn’t you believe me?”

Luna giggles shaking her head and leaning it softly towards his shoulder (he offered her his arm before, that’s how much of a gentleman he is). “Gastón, you are super cute, and a great friend, but if Matteo felt bad he would’ve come to me and talk.”

He laughs a little, pulling his arm from her grasp and wrapping it around her shoulders. “Luna, my dear Luna, the stargirl to Matteo’s starboy, do you really think he would just come and talk?”

Brunette frowns at him softly, but doesn’t move away from him. “I mean that’s actually the only thing to do if he feels bad. That’s what normal people do. And Matteo is big boy, he doesn’t need to send me his best friend so I will consider running back to him.” She pouts a little and Gastón panics.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she seems almost, almost annoyed and this is a bad way to solve things. If Matteo knew that he went to talk to Luna, he would rip his head away and then make out of it popcorn bowl for Ámbar. No exaggerating of course here, Perida isn’t any guy to be dramatic, but he knows Balsano enough.

“Luna, listen.” Gastón stops her in one place, no matter that they are in the middle of the hallway; he made sure Ámbar took Matteo the other way, so he never finds out about the conversation. His hands rest on Luna’s shoulders and she frowns at him in really cute way. “My idiot best friend has no idea that I am talking to you.”

She looks at him weirdly, but then there is this tiny blink of disappointment in her eyes. “Oh, I get it. So why are you even trying if he doesn’t seem to be wanting to be even friends with me?”

“Fuck,” Gastón mumbles, shaking his head, because he has no fucking idea how to handle Luna. Apparently she gets what he wants to tell in wrong way, in the way he doesn’t want her to see. He just wants her to understand that Matteo is stupid shit, who doesn’t know what he wants and ruins it because he is scared of ruining it, what actually doesn’t make sense, but he comes from Italy so Gastón guesses this is some family/Italian thing.

“I’m sorry.” He starts again. “Let’s stay by damn, cursing while talking to lady is rude.” Valente giggles and he sighs with relief once or twice, being super dramatic. He likes this tiny girl and he knows that she is perfect for Matteo, like not this cheesy, sappy perfect, but the perfect, if you know what he means of course. “It’s just because he is sad. I don’t want him to be sad.” Gastón pouts, brushing his fingers through his hair and Luna smiles softly.

“I know you don’t want him to. I don’t want him to be sad either, because I care about him no matter how rude he was, but if he wants to do anything with me he should just be a big guy and talk to me.”

Perida sighs loudly while Luna is smiling at him without any break. This is super weird honestly; he had no idea that talking to her would be so difficult.

The thing is that she is right. Matteo should come to her instead of playing the victim and barely talking to anyone. Well, maybe not playing a victim thing, but acting like it; he keeps complaining and he’s not able to sleep, eating only when someone tells him to. Not to mention those longing stares Balsano keeps sending towards Luna as if she was the one to kick him in the face, or something.

Gastón lets out the air slowly. “You’re right, but I just wanted you to know that he didn’t really mean this all.”

She frowns. “He didn’t?”

He shakes his head. “No. I mean yes, he did, but not in the way you think.”

Valente crosses her arms and keeps frowning. “Then explain it to me.”

“It’s just…” he hesitates, not wanting to sell Matteo like this, he’s gonna be mad as fuck, but on the other side Gastón wants to do it, because maybe it will help at the very end.

Welp, you only live once, don’t you?

And your idiot best friend does as well.

“He is scared.” Perida spills and Luna just keeps blinking at him with surprise. “Scared of what?”

“Scared that he will screw up.”

Luna snorts a little, covering her mouth with her hand. “Well, I would say that he’s able to see the future.”

Even Gastón giggles at this, though after a second he is back to being serious. “Listen, he’s never really had a girlfriend like this. He had been hooking up around or something and then you happened and he had no idea how to handle this.”

Luna stares at him with parted lips. “Handle what?”

“That he likes you.” Gastón mumbles with soft voice and, sadly, as soon as brunette opens her mouth to say something, the bell rings. Both of them growl and Perida can just smile and leave after kissing top of her head.

Before their class Matteo asks him where he was, but he just says that nowhere, ignoring curious stares from Ámbar.

His hands are shaking, because he is going to do something what could (possibly) fuck him up in every way until the very end of the world. And as dramatic as it sounds, this is true truth and Matteo Balsano can’t recall being so stressed ever before. He fixes his shirt again, rolling up his sleeves neatly and takes few deep breaths before knocking the door.

At first, it seems that he knocked too quietly, he feels almost relieved about that, and he is about to turn around and leave when the door opens. Matteo was sure that Miguel Valente will not be glad of him visiting, but well, he’s already here, right?

“Good afternoon,” Matteo mumbles, anxious as hell, and hoping that he won’t get kicked out.

“Luna’s not here yet.” Luna’s father just answers and wants to close the door, but Italian can’t really let him do this. “I’m sorry, I’m not here for Luna. Not yet.”

Miguel frowns at him very, very much. Matteo wants to go home. “So why are you here if not for Luna?”

Balsano softly clears his throat. “I came here to talk… about something important, I believe.”

Luna’s dad opens his mouth but Monica pushes him aside and smiles a little seeing Matteo, who suddenly feels better and safer when she seems to be positive about his visit.

“Matteo.” Her smile grows. He has no idea why; he did hurt her daughter and said many ugly things, yet she is actually warm to him. “Miguel, I hope you weren’t holding this boy here for long.” She turns to her husband before looking at Matteo again. “Come on in, I will make some tea.”

It’s actually weird to be sitting by the kitchen counter in Benson mansion where he’s never really been before. Ámbar has never been fond of sitting in the kitchen so he’s never pushed, but now it feels normal and natural; it’s lowkey Luna’s place and her parents work here mostly, and he can see that it’s not this fancy cooking place like at his or Gastón’s place. Here it’s warm, there’s always nice smell around and right now he is sitting over some tea, the scent seems great so Matteo truly believes it is going to be tasty as soon as it cools down a little.

Monica throws Miguel out of the room when he keeps staring angrily at Matteo, though it’s not like he minds. Miguel’s curses are nothing compared to those coming from Ámbar. Luna’s mom smiles at him, as if she knows that he has a problem and he has this impression that one warm, soft look from her will solve all bad things on the world. His mother never really tried to solve his problems, but in this very moment Italian knows that it’s mostly his fault after being always so closed from his parents.

He is gonna work on it when he fixes this.

“So, Matteo,” Monica starts, leaning against the counter and playing with her mug. “I heard that you came here to talk. Is it maybe Luna connected?” She asks and he chuckles a little, because this woman actually is ready to try to help him with his problems and he can’t believe this at all; does he even deserves this?

“Well, yes.” He mumbles. “Me and Luna, we had a fight recently.”

She nods at him taking slow sip of her tea and sighs. “I know, she told me.” Matteo closes his eyes, but she continues. “And she told me why.”

Balsano chokes a little, just a tiny bit. For a second he feels like Monica is going to spill her tea on his head and another moment he realizes that he should spend less time with Ámbar Smith and her killer ideas.

“I would lie if I said that I am surprised.” He just says with small shrug, staring at tea in his cup and sighs.

“If you are here, I believe that something changed since that day.”

Matteo moves his eyes to her after an impulse. “Actually yes. I need to apologize.” When he says it out loud it feels more real, he is more sure of it and it feels actually so nice. It’s fresh feeling and new, and Monica smiles at him even more before giving him a nod. “So if you want to say sorry, shouldn’t you be talking to Luna?” She laughs at him a little and he can’t help but laugh with her.

“Yes, yes. There is this thing following me all the time, though.” Matteo tries his tea and feels immediately warmer. “I mean, I know Luna told me that it doesn’t have to… That it’s not… That’s it shouldn’t…” He keeps stuttering and Monica takes the plate with cookies from another counter, places it by his cup and sits next to him.

“I know what you mean, it’s fine.” She nods. “Luna wasn’t really into telling me anything, especially next to her dad who knows like nothing about this, but eventually she told me what happened.”

Matteo almost jumps on his chair. “I know, and it was stupid, I know that and I came here without thinking before, but you are the source of the story Luna knows and-” she interrupts him. “And you want to know how it works that you like her. Am I right?”

He hesitates, because it would be admitting for the first time out loud that he likes Luna.

It’s definitely too late for this, so not giving it a second thought, Matteo nods softly and Monica smiles.

“Drink your tea. It will be cold soon.” She points at his mug and there is no way he is gonna not do something Monica tells him to. “I’m sure that you googled what soulmate means.” She waits for him to confirm, and when he hums, she continues. “And I’m sure you know that it’s really written there ‘a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner’ is it something like that’?”

“Yes.” Matteo answers and she smiles, frowning a little. “Then why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I just need to hear it when I’m in my senses, I guess.”

Monica sighs, taking a sip of her tea. “I never really believed in this story. Who would? It was just pretty thing to tell my baby daughter when she didn’t want to sleep. It’s not like I made it, because I heard it many times before and it was such great story that I couldn’t not tell it Luna.”

Matteo says nothing, not wanting to interrupt, but she pauses to take a cookie. “There’s not much to read about it in the internet, probably because American scientist never cared about this, but who would trust American scientists?” She laughs and he can only chuckle with her.

“Anyway, it starts at the very beginning of the world, of the universe, like everyone says it was the Big Bang, everything got created. After the initial expansion, the universe cooled sufficiently to allow the formation of subatomic particles, and later simple atoms. Those subatomic particles built up into atoms, then made the stars and galaxies. But some of them just got thrown into the space and somehow ended up in very different parts of universe. That’s probably completely not science connected, though the atoms “decided” to find each other no matter where the others are.” Monica looks at him, as if she’s checking if he still listens to her. Ha, like he’d ever be able to not listen to her. That would be super rude.

“Well,” Matteo starts when she doesn’t continue. “This sounds very smart and very complicated. Like why did they even ended up in some people? It’s not like people have been there since the very beginning.”

Luna’s mom nods and smiles again. So much smiling at him today. “Yes, but I never said that atoms went to people immediately. They could be part of some star before, now dead star and came with the rest of the matter said star spread around after collapse. You know, Matteo, that nothing here is so permanent or stable.”

Italian hums, looking at his cup and sighs. “So it could be also this that they happened to be at one place by accident?”

She thinks it over and frowns a little, but nods eventually. “Yes, but also some can be from old binary star. They can be from anywhere and it’s really no rule, no guessing for that. The point is that in this whole story there is no word about the relationship between two people. There’s mentioned only that they are bound to meet, even if they can never do this of course, but the character of their relation will always be whatever they decide.” Monica pauses for a second to take small breath in and for a cookie. “Do you understand that, Matteo? Do you know what to do with it now?”

He smiles at her widely and nods. “Yeah. I think I know.”

[longstoriesfaraway]

A Year in Retrospect

Man, a blink of the eye and 2 years pass me by.

2016 was without doubt the worst year of my life. So it doesn’t really come as a surprise that 2017 was better, to say the least. But still, if you had asked me whether it was a good year, I’d still be hard-pressed to say that it was.

I encountered so many people and I tried my best to branch out, investing considerable time, effort and money to do so. But the return? It feels almost negligible. I feel like I’ve taken more harm than good. If you want me to talk about the postive highlights of my year, they’re pretty much all when friend from the UK came to visit me. That’s crazy.

I joined a church for a bit. A friend invited me along thinking that when I did this back in my second year of university, after the first year which, at that time, had been my worst year, it did wonders for me, so that this should be like that too, right? Man, I felt like I was connecting for a while. Then the differences in culture began to diverge. Or maybe it was just their church way. In any cases, it became extremely suppressing instead and I left, though not without upsetting my group leader, to whom I bore an almost malicious disrespect. Though I think I still spend time with some of the church members from time to time, I doubt I’ll return to that church again.

Church should really be a place where you can culture and mature yourself. Put too many rules and strictures in place and you’ll soon find yourself constricted - unable or unwilling to do certain things for fear of dying by condemnation and judgement of your peers. I felt like a number and not an individual and, truth be told quite frankly, language barrier simply proved too much. On my way out, I fear I may have damaged relationships that I would have found valuable along my life, with very little short of returning to that church able to repair such damage. So therein my first endeavour of the year to network and enrich my life failed.

Trying to find a date is a goddamn disaster. If you’re not white or handsome or rich or have some other outstanding feature, you’re practically invisible. Then, there’s the whole culture of women not starting dating until they’ve established a career at the age of ~30. And by God, do I know how to choose them. Those very few that I might by chance happen to meet and take an interest in, either they’re not interested in dating (for aforementioned reason) or they already have a SO. It takes so much out of me to ask someone on a date, take the time to build the relationship up, find out about them. Then, if ever I do pop the question, they never talk to me again. Like, I don’t mind staying friends, ladies. I just move on to someone else and try my luck elsewhere. This just kills me every time. Just for once, I’d really like it if someone I liked took the effort to ask me out. I’m all suckered out for this; I feel lilke I lose a bit of my soul each time I try. The universe just does not give me a goddamn break on this one.

Comfort. Oh boy. Been thinking about this one for some time. Korea just does not do physical contact, which includes the most simple and soothing mental health aid - hugging. I can’t hug ANYONE. Foreigner friends aside (who I see few and far between anyway), Koreans just don’t do skinship. They’re like bloody children, thinking you’ll get lurgies or something if you make physical contact with someone of the opposite sex. When people say goodbye, it’s not with hugs and fist bumps, but a bow or nod of the head, formal goodbyes and a-dropping my heart on the goddamn floor because it feels like no-one gives a crap. I’m not sure I feel close to anyone in particular. Guys are nice enough and all bro-like, but it’s definitely not the same as getting a hug from a female friend from time to time and knowing AND feeling like someone gives a damn about you. As it is, everyone often feels like an acquaintance and not actually a friend. Which transitions into my next problem.

Managing emotional stress. I’m all cried out. Pretty much. Today I cried whilst in the shower for once. Can you guess why? I cried because I have been unable to cry ever since before I came to Korea. And it upsets me. I couldn’t cry because it felt futile. Like crying would do no good. I didn’t even cry when my girlfriend broke up with me in 2016. Because a part of me already felt like some crap was about due in my life and I had already grieved its coming and going. I cried because I thought seriously about when I had last properly cried (I’m not counting superficial instances with dramas/movies/etc) and I remembered. Summer 2015. I had just moved to Macau. I screwed up bad then. I was with a friend and due to bring them to a dinner date with my parents who had taken the effort to reserve an extremely well-known bistro on the other side of the island. Due to a misunderstanding of the meeting time, as well running into traffic, I ended up never being able to make it there with my friend and I returned home with her to wait. My dad was furious to say the least and didn’t talk to me when he got home. Mum told me just to take my friend to a good restaurant nearby to have dinner, since we hadn’t eaten yet. Before leaving, I told my friend to wait by the elevator while I apologised to dad. He kind of acknowledged I said something, but otherwise we didn’t talk until the end of the night before we went to sleep where we had our reconcilatory talk. As I walked to the elevator and got in, my friend saw my expression and knew that I was the furthest thing from alright. I felt like I had failed everyone that night and someone I cared intensely for saw witness to it and the absolute wrath my father could bring to display. My soul was laid bare and I had no choice but to cry.

I thought about how that was how long it had been since I properly cried LIKE THAT and lamented my own soul. The thought of becoming devoid of my soul, my emotions, my ability to CARE, this terrified me. I want to care. I want someone to care. I was so upset as I came to the realisation that I was becoming sick and tired of becoming sick and tired of being upset and being able to express it to no avail, with no one to comfort me except my comfort toys. Inanimate soft toys that aren’t even big enough to cuddle properly.

I have been jumping so much between “God helps those who help themselves, so get my ass in gear and take control!” and “Well, I am a piece of crap anyway and nothing I do is going to change that...”. I just don’t know what to do any more. I don’t have the answers, I’m not even sure I have the questions. I’m not even sure I have the words to say anything any more. Well, I guess that’s ironic given how much I’ve written to this point.

It’s not all been bad. Though the bad does seem to outweigh what little good I seem to have in this year. I have been blessed with at least some consistent friends. Some who do take time out of their lives to spend their time with me weekly, studying. I owe a great thanks to the 2-3 that did this for any period of time. It did, in part, stop me from simply stagnating at home.

And school. Oh boy. What a fantastic place. I’m very lucky to have had this school. It gives me a lot of freedom, but grounds me enough to keep me consistent and, somewhat, professional. It gives me things to do. And I see wondrous things from the children, week in and week out. I reckon if I didn’t have my job this whole time, I’d probably have given it all up by now, hope and all. But work gave me some consistent purpose; grounding and no time to dwell too much on bad things. The children are bright young sparks to whom I share their emotions vicariously.

But children are just children and not a suitable replacement for someone who can actually understand the depth of your emotions and accept them. They are brilliant, fantastical and nothing short of amazing. I am not as they are.

But, well, as long as I am alive, tomorrow may bring something new. Maybe this year is the year.