#btw if anyone needs me to tag pls drop a comment and i will! i didnt know if there was a tag for the lineart being duplicated like that but

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Guys I've been trying to keep it sfw over here, but I've recently done a really gory piece (like worse than Iraela's cannibalism scene) that I'm really proud of and I kinda wanna post it...

I'll tag it appropriately, ofc! Btw tell me who you are if you're on my tag list and want me to not tag you for that post

Gonna drop my taglist here cos I need your inputs:

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch @ramwritblr, @urnumber1star, @fortunatetragedy, @bigwipscholar, @ratedn

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west

@finicky-felix, @evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms

@drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @owldwagitoutofyou (Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

[chromaticmagpie]

Ninjago angst in the year of our lord 2022? Yes

Bonus from @thoriffix :

[love101imagines]

Look after you

(sinan | imagine)

Request: Heyyy can I pls request an imagine for Sinan and the reader where maybe the reader lives in an abusive household and when they start dating he notices it and stands up for her ? Maybe he doesn’t let her go back to that house again ? From the prompt list no. 29 and 34. Btw I love all your writings💗 !!

prompts used: 29. Where did you get those bruises? 34. I’m used to it, don’t worry.

tag: @imtoolazytothinkofacoolname

trigger warning! : mention of abuse and bruises.

You walked into class, doing your best to ignore the stares from your fellow classmates and Miss Billy and made your way to your seat next to Eda. As you dropped your bag, you could already hear the whispers from the others and the longing stare coming from Sinan.

“You’re late again (Y/N), did you have something more entertaining to do to?” Miss Billy called you out, probably more curious about the dark purple bruise on your cheekbone that contrasted with the rest of your skin than the reason why you arrived late to her English class.

You shrugged. “Actually, yes I did.”

Your teacher rolled her eyes and carried on with the lesson. You didn’t want anything else but to lie down and sleep, but you knew better than to worry your friends and boyfriend and started taking notes.

“What happened to your face?” Kerem asked once you started writing down what was on the board.

You acted as normal as possible, not giving it much thought. “I tripped yesterday and fell down some stairs.”

Işik gasped. “That must have hurt so much, what are you doing here? You should be in the hospital.”

You sighed and gave her a small smile to show you were alright. “Işik, I’m fine. It’s not a big deal, It’s my fault because I’m clumsy.”

“It doesn’t look very well.” Osman pointed out.

“You have a scar on your nose too, right here.” Eda said touching the bridge of your nose slightly.

Even though she had a really touched it, you grimaced and moved your face away. “I already took some pills earlier, I said I’m fine.” You said smiling again to try to stop the conversation.

“Then why were you late?” Sinan asked and your expression faltered for a second once you locked eyes with him.

Instead of shrugging your shoulders, which would have been suspicious, you decided to tell the truth, or more like a part of it.

“My dad’s car didn’t work so I had to walk here.”

You forgot to add that your father found out that yesterday when he meant to go out to the market at night, and that when he found out he had taken it out with you and ordered you to go and buy some groceries. You did that, and also bought some painkillers.

You also forgot to mention that you had actually arrived late because you tried to put makeup on the bruise to hide it but ended up feeling worse than before, and you had to clean both your parents and your older brother’s room.

“You don’t have a second floor on your house.”

“What?”

“I said you don’t have a second floor on your house, how could you have tripped down some stairs?” Sinan continued.

You knew he was doing it because he was your boyfriend and he was concerned for you but you were too annoyed to care. “I fell when I went to visit my grandma after school and then I went to the hospital but they said I didn’t have anything wrong and that I could go home. Do you need something else or are you finished acting like a fucking doctor?” You snapped and blocked out what the others said even though they were silent and continued writing down your notes.

You didn’t go to school the next day and Sinan was worried. He waited for you at the gates but still, when you didn’t arrive, he decided to take matters in his own hands.

However, when he went to school the following day, he found you already in the hall talking to Eda with your hair wet from the rain and an umbrella next to you.

“Hi! Eda was just telling me you found out Burcu had a boyfriend. We should figure out what to do.” You greeted him with a smile as you heard a thunder outside.

“Why didn’t you come to school yesterday?” He asked as the three of you walked to the classroom. You were slower than usual, looking for something on your bag.

“Her grandmother is sick Sinan, don’t bother her so much.” Eda whispered to him after elbowing him in his ribs.

You caught up with them and Sinan pretended not having said anything as he watched you closely while you tied your jacket around your waist.

Once you were in music class after convincing Işik to help you get rid of Burcu’s boyfriend, you loosened your jacket in discomfort as breathing made the new bruises in your ribs hurt even more. Nevertheless, you felt uneasy as you were sure that Sinan was staring at everything you did while you sat in front of him with Eda and Işik.

When class finished, you moved slowly trying to hold your side as casual as possible as you looked at Tuncay from the window.

“He’s here to pick her up. How romantic!” Eda spoke up.

“I think it’s beautiful. We shouldn’t mess it up.” Işik argued.

You furrowed your brows, trying to tell if there was any swelling under your shirt. “He might be faking it. Maybe he wants to control everything she does.”

“You don’t understand it (Y/N), you should see what a beautiful gesture it is.” Işik said as you kept looking at the man standing under the rain.

You wanted to make another remark at her idea of beautiful but stopped once you felt the pain increase and you instinctively touched your left side with your fingertips and stopped talking.

“I’ll show you what’s beautiful.” Sinan replies taking off his tie.

You turned confused as he started to take off his jacket leaving him only in his black shirt. “Sinan?”

“What’s up?”

“What’s he doing?”

“Where are you going man?”

He didn’t answer and left the room. Before you knew it, you were seeing him outside in the pouring rain chatting with Tuncay.

“What’s he up to?” Kerem said.

“He’s going to freeze to death.” You replied frustrated making your way to the chair where he had left his jacket and to your bag where you had your sweater.

The others continued talking as you pulled your sweater over your head, suffering in silence since you weren’t able to do such a simple task without grimacing because of the pain.

You made your way downstairs when Sinan approached you soaking wet with a jacket which was also dripping. The others were watching Burcu leave with Tuncay as you opened your umbrella and handed him your jacket.

“Give me that and take this one.” He shook his head as he stood under your umbrella and held it himself higher. “Sinan, listen to me. I have a sweater and you’ll fell worse if you wear that.”

You pushed your jacket into his chest until he had no choice but to wear it as you held Tuncay’s jacket. Eda, Kerem, Işik and Osman lead the way to Sinan’s house as you two made your way behind them with his arm around your waist as you two were under your small umbrella.

“That was so dumb to do.” You said as you heard his teeth clatter because of the cold.

He only rolled his eyes. “They had to see that he’s an asshole and he doesn’t care about anyone else. I thought you believed the same.” He said after a while trying to get you to smile, squeezing your side lightly.

“Ow!”

You bit your lip harshly since he had squeezed directly, without knowing of course, on your bruised rib. You flinched slightly, which he noticed as well and changed his whole demeanor.

“Are you hurt?” He asked stopping abruptly while the others continued walking.

You were also shaking because of the cold, something that your sweater couldn’t help you with since it was made of very thin cloth.

“Of course not, what are you talking about?” You said hugging yourself moving out of his embrace.

“You just screamed and flinched and I barely touched you.” He spoke up making your friends’ head turn to you two once they noticed you had stopped walking.

You moved away and looked everywhere but him in annoyance. “That’s not true Sinan, you are too harsh sometimes and you are seeing things where they aren’t any.”

You kept walking until you were next to Osman and Kerem and didn’t look back at Sinan who stood confused with your umbrella.

Once you arrived at his house, he changed his clothes while you sat down on one of the chairs and leaned into the cushion.

“Which part don’t you get? He only gave him the jacket after she showed up.”

“But he gave it at the end, didn’t he? He’s a good person.”

“He should have done it sooner. When he did it at the end he only did it to impress Burcu.” You said taking off your soaking sweater with difficulty.

“Why don’t you look at (Y/N), Işik? She didn’t doubt to give Sinan her jacket and share her umbrella and now she’s freezing too.” Kerem said handing you your bag to leave your sweater inside.

“What a nice gesture to walk under the rain only wearing a sweater.” Sinan said sarcastically and you gave him a fake smile.

“You were wrong. I’m out” Işik answered holding her hands up. “Besides, I really don’t get why you did that, Sinan. And you are also being too mean to (Y/N) and she only...”

“Işik.” You quickly interrupted her.

You ignored the look he gave you and crossed your legs which were shivering. He took a gulp of his flask and even though you didn’t want to admit it, you were concerned for him.

“You two okay?” Eda asked.

You nodded taking you wet hair out of your face and he only scoffed.

“The guy’s anemic. He’ll drop dead any second.” Kerem replied.

“At least you don’t look that bad.” Osman said to you and you chuckled before feeling a sharp pain.

“You would feel better if you hadn’t given me your jacket.” Sinan said making you scowl.

“No one would notice if you died, you know? Except your girlfriend.” Eda commented as he stared at you. “What happens when you’re sick? Your mom’s not here and (Y/N) doesn’t live close. Who takes care of you?”

“Why? Do you get sick to get your mom’s attention?” He answered.

Işik stood up. “Sinan, I’ll make you two a soup.”

You refused immediately “I don’t need it.”

Sinan made his way over her and grabbed her arm to stop her. “No, I don’t want it either.”

“Why not? And you and (Y/N) need medicine too.”

“I said I don’t want it. Sit down.”

They continued to argue until Osman separated them and you opened your bag. “I have ibuprofen, here.” You said standing up and going to where he was.

“Why do you have that on your bag?” He insisted and you only sighed.

“Just take it Sinan, you are going to have a fever if you don’t. Do you want me to force it down your throat or not?”

After a few seconds he took it and relaxed a bit. “I’ll give you a clean sweater, you’re shaking.”

You two went to his bedroom where he started looking for a sweater on his cupboard. He handed you one which had a hole on one sleeve, not that you minded.

“Sorry it’s worn out.” He apologized once you put it on but you shrugged.

“It’s fine. It’s comfortable.” You replied and you two just stood there for a few seconds while you heard your friends’ voices outside.

“(Y/N), I...” He started as you pulled your still wet hair into a ponytail.

“I have to go, my parents wanted me to arrive early.” You said giving him a smile which didn’t reach your eyes.

“I’ll walk you home.” He offered even though you were quick to turn him down shaking your head.

“Thanks but my parents don’t know I have a boyfriend. If they see me with a boy they’ll freak out. I’ll take the bus. See you tomorrow.” You said quickly giving him a peek on the cheek before leaving him dumbfounded.

The following day you were prepared for the worst case scenario with an oversized coat, a scarf and a soup you and Işik had made. Sinan did the same he had done the day before, except this time Kemal did give him his jacket, proving that he was a better match for Burcu.

“You see the difference? Good seems bad. Bad seems good. The greatest treachery of this world. All those kind acts cover up the filth. Those you call rude are the truly good ones, and that’s why the good ones always lose against the bad ones. This world is so fucked up.” He said shivering more than the day before.

Sinan sat down on the couch next to you wearing the coat you had brought and immediately you covered him with a blanket.

“I made you a cup of tea.” You said as he holded you close to him. You smiled softly at him and held his hand under the blanket to give him warmth.

After Işik forced him to drink the soup you two made and you agreed to make sure Burcu left Tuncay, you friends left leaving you with your boyfriend.

You picked up the cushions and the bottles of beer left on the floor when Sinan stood up and stopped you.

“I can do it, it’s fine.”

“Sinan, I’m not the one who is with a cold. You should go to bed now.”

He pulled the blanket closer to him, taking the cup of tea you had made to the kitchen. As he left it on the sink, you dropped you head to his shoulder.

“Can I stay here tonight? My parents think I’m at a sleepover.” You asked quietly as you interlocked your fingers with his.

Sinan felt a blush on his cheeks, even though he did his best to hide it.

“Of course you can.”

You went to his room where he collapsed in his bed while you went to the bathroom and changed into some sweatpants when you noticed you were still wearing his sweater since that morning.

“I forgot to gave you back this, here.” You said at the end of his bed taking off his sweater leaving you with a white shirt.

It rolled up but you quickly covered yourself, trying to hide the bruises, but you knew that Sinan had seen them as he sat up in a moment.

“Where did you get those bruises?”

You stood speechless without moving as he got up and moved towards you. “What?” You asked walking backwards.

“I just saw them, who did that to you?” He said with a frown on his face.

You looked at the floor trying not to panick. “I walked into a table...”

“That’s a fucking lie.” He interrupted you as you went outside the room into the hall. “You always say it’s an accident but you’re lying. Did you punch yourself in the nose two weeks ago? Or what about that time you came to school with a busted lip because you had tripped? Or when...”

“Ow, stop a minute.” You said feeling a new sharp pain which made you stop what you were doing and hold your side pursuing your lips.

His anger disappeared and all you could see was his concern. “What’s wrong? Do you need anything?”

“Ice.” You answered closing your eyes sitting down on the bed.

Once you opened them, you saw Sinan handing you a beer covered in a towel. “It’s the closest I have.”

You nodded, and when you seemed recovered he sighed and leaned against the wall behind him. “Tell me the truth.”

You felt your hands shaking, but you did your best to stay calm and come clean. “They’re from home, we’re not having a good time. I’m used to it, don’t worry.”

That only seemed to anger him more. “You’re used to it? What are you talking about?”

“My mom did this.” You snapped looking at him. “She was angry that I had forgotten my jacket at your house and pushed me against our car’s door. Are you happy now?”

You didn’t wait for him to answer as you stood up and opened the beer he had given you.

“You need to report them.”

You almost dropped the beer in disbelief but knew that he was dead serious with the look he was giving you.

“You want me to report my whole family just because they had a shitty day and took it out with me?”

“Just because they had a shitty day? They are abusing you and you can’t even notice, how can you not see that?” Sinan said raising his voice as he tried to make you understand.

You shook your head and grabbed your bag. “I can leave my family, what I’m I supposed to do? Where I’m I going to leave? Sinan, forget I said anything. I’m going home.”

He stood in front of you blocking your way. You only rolled your eyes trying to push him but he wouldn’t move. “Move Sinan.”

“I’m not letting you go back there.”

“Sinan!”

“They’ll just continue doing this to you and nothing will happen to them.”

You sat down on his couch and held you head between your hands. “I don’t care, there are more good days than bad ones.”

There was only silence between the two of you as he grabbed your beer and drank what was left of it. You noticed he was still shaking and sighed.

“Sinan, we should go to a hospital.”

“And tell them that you broke your ribs.”

“I didn’t break them and it’s for you we should go.” You argued.

He refused and went to his room, you following.

“I’m not going unless you come too and tell them what your family has been doing to you.”

“I can’t do that.” You said sitting on his bed.

He grabbed a blanket and a pillow and gave you one last look. “I’ll sleep on the couch until you change your mind.”

You couldn’t sleep anything. As the first rays of sun came from the window, you walked over to where Sinan slept on the couch and brushed his hair out of his face. However, you noticed something was off.

“Sinan! Wake up, you’re burning up.” You shook him as he slowly woke up.

“What?” He asked rolling to his side.

“You have a fever, a bad one. I don’t know what to do. I told you to take the medicine.” You panicked but deep down you knew what to do. “We have to go to a hospital.”

“No.” He said harshly, droplets of sweat covering his forehead.

“Please Sinan, I’m begging you to go right now.” You said kneeling down next to him.

He only turned away from you. He was shivering too much and clutched the blanket as hard as possible, and the memories from last night came all of a sudden to you which made you act.

“Fine, I’ll go too. I’ll tell them about the bruises and my ribs and my parents and my brother and everything but please, come with me.”

He rubbed his eyes as his teeth clattered, watching your eyes which were filling with tears.

“Alright, let’s go.” He weakly replied.

You wrapped your arm around his shoulder to keep him balanced. “This is all my fault, shit.”

He took a deep breath and started walking with you, making sure he didn’t touch you where you possibly had a broken rib. “It isn’t. This is the right thing to do.”

You two made your way to the closest hospital and went in direction of the ER. Once you reached a nurse, with the energy he had left he nudged you forward.

“You first.” He said and you nodded slowly trembling slightly.

That’s how you ended up sitting on a hospital stretcher with Sinan holding your hand and a nurse asking you questions.

“Honey, how did you do this? Do you play any sport?” She asked touching slightly with her fingertips the swollen skin.

You shook your head digging your nails into your palms as Sinan rubbed your back soothingly.

“Where are your parents? I need their signature to do an X-ray and see if you broke any ribs.” She asked kindly.

“I can sign it.” You answered.

“We need their approval if you have a rib fracture and your lung collapses or leads to bleeding in your chest. In that case, we’ll need to insert a tube into your chest to reinflate the lung or drain the blood.”

“(Y/N), you can do it.” Sinan told you.

You felt a tear slid down your cheek and you wiped it as you took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to cry into Sinan’s chest. “They did this.”

Next thing you knew, Sinan was out cold on the floor with doctors surrounding him to help and you were writing down your address and you aunt and grandmother’s number to let them know that they had to come to the hospital and that your parents and brother were going to be interrogated at the nearby police station.

“How is (Y/N)? I heard she is going to stay with her aunt who also lives here. She called me and said that the trial is in two weeks.” Işik asked Sinan as he ate the soup she had brought him.

He looked down the hall where his room was. “She’s still sleeping, I didn’t have the heart to wake her up.”

She smiled softly. “You did the right thing. And we should have noticed sooner.” He still didn’t seem convinced enough, so she sighed. “Sinan, it’s not your fault and it isn’t hers either.”

After she left, you woke up to see Sinan laying down next to you. You pressed your palm against his forehead and he smiled.

“They said I was better. How are you?”

You brushed his hair out of his face. He held your cheek and you leaned into his touch. “I’m better now. My aunt works a lot but she’s nice. She wants to meet you.”

“That’s old fashioned.” He replied.

You chuckled, and for the first time in the week, you didn’t feel any pain.

[smt-here]

That  I Had Hoped

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (female pronoun)

Genre : Angst, tiny bit of fluff

Warning : Major angst, I shed a tear while writing and also cursing

Word Count : 4884 words

A/N : This is the part 2 of ‘That I Have Regretted’, I was really hoping that the part 1 pulled your heartstrings to the point of almost snapping and judging by the comments some of you left me, I kinda did it??? loll anywho I’m also currently writing a romcom for Steve Rogers so make sure to look out for it! for those who wants to be on my taglist, dm me, I might accidentally skip it if you leave a comment on a story so just dm me and tell me that you want to be tagged for my upcoming stories. Btw I might make this into 3 or 4 parts ?? Let me know what you guys think about this story! Your input helps me write even better and if y’all hate looking at my face pls let me know so that I won’t make you guys feel uncomfortable while reading whatever it is I wrote and change my picture to a picture of someone or something else loll. - Nana 🌸

A/A/N : HIS EYES PIERCED THROUGH MY NONEXISTING SOUL I HATE HIM FOR DOING THIS TO ME

That I Have Regretted ( Part 1 of the series )

17 hours, 27 minutes and 48 seconds...

He waited that long for her.

He wouldn’t budge from his kneeling position he was in at the first 7 hours of the operation, no matter how his legs hurt from the awkward position and angle, no matter how his brain told him that he’s tired from all the fighting and that he needed rest, no matter how his stomach cried out for food and his throat croaked for water, he ignored it all so that he would be the first to know about (Y/N)’s condition.

It hurt him knowing that he may or may not be living the rest of his life in regret and all the waiting made his anxiety crawl into his brain and also that things were bad between him and her before the eternal slumber takes her away from him. He wanted to rewind, rewind to all those times he had made her worried, angry, tired, he wanted to change those moments to be filled with soft kisses, whispers of nothing, affectionate ‘I love you’s that would make both of their stomaches filled with butterflies. He wanted to turn back to all those times and fix things.

But he also wanted to turn back to their most happiest times; when the both of them accidentally blurted out that they love each other at the same time, when they snuck out of the tower at 3 am just to get midnight ice cream and ended up binge watching horror movies until 11 am, when she first calm him down during his first week of being with the Avengers, how her arms would wrap around her neck despite the punches he gave her due to his fear of hurting her if his episodes came back, not realizing he was already hurting her, but for some reason she stood by his side since day one.

Oh how stupid he was.

He didn’t know better.

Frustration had taken over him, making him forget the things she had done for him.

Now the only thing that is being repeated in his head is the moment he told her that they both needed a break, that she had taken him for granted, that they both needed time apart.

“I think we both should take a break”

“It’s clear that you and I have been together for too long, we forgot the value of our relationship and yo-we… misused each other’s company… so… let’s… find out what we need best for ourselves…”

Oh how dumb he had been.

In that moment he really wanted to punch himself, harm himself in some way to make it up to (Y/N)’s pain, (Y/N)’s current suffering, and (Y/N)’s current battle with death.

But knowing that he’ll heal in a couple of hours made him realized that it won’t be fair, that it won’t be the same. So living with no physical harm is the best option. Because God knows how mentally broken he is right now and he’d have to live with that.

Steve had managed to drag him away from his kneeling position after the first 7 hours, saying that he’ll burn the floor soon enough and that he’ll leave a mark on the floor. Steve also managed to feed Bucky, though all that he would eat was just a couple of sandwiches-that Wanda specially made to help the poor soldier in his toughest time-and a bottle of water.

After Doctor Cho fixed (Y/N) up temporary and informed him that the operation was a success, he rushed to her side in mere seconds only to break down again at the sight of her; oxygen mask covering her mouth, her parted lips puffing small puffs of air, eyes closed tightly like as if she was sleeping, and what broke him the most is the sight of a tube attached to her chest, her holed chest where a grappling hook once settled in is on just a hollow hole that’s covered by a tube and a machine that will keep her alive for God knows how long.

 Bucky cried, he screamed, and bang on the floor, cursing himself, blaming himself for what had happened.

(Y/N) risked her life for him and what did he repaid her with? A fucking break to their long relationship.

He repaid the only woman who would ever accept him as he is with cold, painful venom injected straight to her heart, only thinking about himself and not about how she also feel about his decision.

“Hey popsicle”

Bucky’s body froze when he heard someone spoke from behind him. Never in his life had he let anyone see him in his most vulnerable state. Bucky had always believed that his most vulnerable state was when he cried, he’d only let those he trusted with all his life to see him in that state. Which obviously meant that he only had let Steve and (Y/N) see him cry; Steve saw him cry when he brought Bucky to his mother’s grave, Bucky cried waterfalls for 20 minutes straight, while (Y/N) saw him cry when he had his nightmares, his past came haunting him back, forcing him to believe that he couldn’t change.

“Go away Stark, I’m not in the mood” he choked out, trying his best to quickly wipe his tears.

Tony, obviously being the stubborn man he is, only rolled his eyes and walk closer towards the slumping man, “Oh save your words, Bucket, I don’t care whether you’re taking a shit or braiding your hair, if one of my team members are in jeopardy I’m willing to go through hell to help them... and I needed to have your-” Tony then paused his words to crouch down next to the man, “-approval for the arc reactor that are going to be put in (Y/N)’s holed chest” he continued.

Bucky snapped his head towards Tony when he mentioned the arc reactor.

“You’re gonna- what?”

“Put an arc reactor in (Y/N)’s chest” Tony completed his sentence.

At the sight of Bucky’s shocked and confused expression, Tony explained to him the reason as to why he had the idea in the first place, “You see, the impact from the grappling hook resulted some of her organs to shut down and her heart to slowly dying” at the mention of (Y/N)’s heart slowly dying, Bucky’s jaw and fists clenched, seeing that, Tony cleared his throat, indicating that he has good news despite the bad news that Bucky heard was severe enough to result in panic, “The arc reactor will support her like how a normal heart would, it will keep her blood pumping and I promise you that she will be living her life normally once the operation’s done”

It was kind of too much for Bucky to handle.

He had too many questions running in his head about her safety and the possibilities about the arc reactor being inside her.

But out of all question he could’ve spoke out, he decided to question his own significance in the decision making part, “Why are you asking me this?” he blurted out, “Well, obviously you’re the boyfriend, and I know that she trust you enough to let you make these kinds of decisions in her life” Tony shrugged.

Truth to be told, Tony had always treated (Y/N) as his own daughter, having Pepper leaving him for her business hurt him and even after being put in jail by Tony and siding with Captain himself, she took upon the role of someone responsible enough to stop Tony from doing shits to himself like back before the whole Afghanistan shit happened.

Of course Tony was more than grateful that (Y/N) pulled him from the abyss back to the land of the living once more. No one cared enough to give precaution for Tony but there (Y/N) was, both literally and figuratively slapping him back to reality.

Since then Tony swore to himself that he won’t let anything hurt her, including Bucky. Oh, how close he was to blowing the man’s head seconds after he knew what happened between him and (Y/N). Despite his temporary hatred towards the half metal man, he also knows how much (Y/N) loves him, how much she trusted her life in his hands and that Bucky is the only person she trusted to make one of the biggest decisions in her life for her.

Tony was more than willing to make the decisions himself knowing that-obviously-between all of them, him and Steve are more eligible than anyone else to make such decisions. But God knows how Bucky would’ve flipped even more if he wasn’t informed.

Silence enveloped them both, the only sound that could be heard was the slow beeps of the machines that’s keeping (Y/N) alive temporarily. The same atmosphere as the one he experienced the day he did the most regretful thing in his life clouded the room in mere seconds and to be honest, it’s bugging him more than ever considering the same atmosphere brought catastrophe in his life. How life just love to poke fun at him, he thought.

“Does she mean it?” Bucky blurted out, breaking the icy cold silence that was enveloping everything in the room.

“What?” Tony snapped out of his own trance and look at the man next to him, “That she trust me enough to let me make these decisions for her” he croaked out, tears once again threatening to spill from his icy blue orbs, drops of emotions that he kept to himself. To him, those tear drops represents every single mistakes that he had ever done and those tear drops are proof of how low he thought of himself, and each of those tear drops represents reasons as to why (Y/N) decided to stay with the now-warm-blooded soldier.

Reluctantly, Tony nodded to Bucky, “Yeah, she means it...” Tony was looking for words to prolong his answer, short answers made him feel like he’s defeated, at loss of words and even worse, clueless. But that’s just it, that’s the only words there is to answer Bucky and one of his insecurities.

Bucky knows. Bucky knows it too well that there’s not much time left until (Y/N) organs began shutting down one by one, trapping her inside her own body until someone decide to pull the plugs and let her have her early well deserved rest. For someone who has been alive for a hundred years, time seems to be insufficient.

Talk about irony.

“T-this arc reactor...” Bucky gulped a little before boring his eyes back to where (Y/N) laid, “It won’t do her any harm, right? She’d still be able to be a normal person after it being put in her?” he continued, thinking of different scenarios of the outcome the arc reactor might brought upon (Y/N).

Tony scoffed, “Now you’re just degrading me... Look at me, I don’t think I’ve ever been better! If it’s anything, the arc reactor actually made me better! Plus, Loki wouldn’t be able to make her one of his... Zombie slaves or whatever he made humans as with his sceptre”

Bucky nodded knowingly at Tony’s words.

“Anything... Would be better than her dying like this, right?” he muttered to himself before suddenly snapping  his head towards Tony with a piercing yet determined gaze.

“How soon can you put this reactor in?”

3 days later

Bucky never left.

He never left the room even for just one bit.

Shower? He’d use the bathroom inside (Y/N)’s room.

Food? Steve would bring him food despite him saying that now is not the time to eat and Steve would go to a whole mother hen mode, scolding him and all.

Entertainment? He’s fucking worried, how is he supposed to be entertained?

But Sam and Steve would often go back and forth into (Y/N)’s room to talk to Bucky and check on (Y/N). Heck, even Peter Parker-the scrawny boy who was currently the new member of the Avengers and being close to (Y/N) came to drop small gifts for her later when she wakes up. Even the girls would come into the room, they’d assure Bucky that everything will be alright, nothing is going to be wrong, both Wanda and Natasha would also clean (Y/N) up since both of them are the most capable as in not going to break down crying if (Y/N) doesn’t respond to their touch. Read : Bucky.

“Bucky?”

Bucky looked to the door and saw Clint coming into the room, Lila and Cooper grinning on both of his sides, “If you wouldn’t mind, Lila and Cooper had been desperate to see their auntie (Y/N) again” Clint said sheepishly, he knew that Bucky doesn’t want to be disturbed but on the other hand he also knew that Bucky won’t deny children’s presence in the room.

When Bucky nodded with a small smile on his face, Lila and Cooper ran into the room and made their way to both of (Y/N)’s sides. Though (Y/N) wasn’t able to respond to them, they talked to her, telling her stories from their school, their daily life and their hopes and wishes for her.

“You look bad, Bucky” Clint said as he sat down next to the half metal man in the couch in (Y/N)’s room. Bucky glanced at the man, “It’s been a while since I’ve gone out...” Bucky muttered before letting his gaze move back to (Y/N) and the children on her sides.

Clint sighed loudly, he had his hand to his forehead, rubbing harshly, “You’re not the only one who’s taking (Y/N)’s situation hardly... (Y/N), she was-” Clint paused, taking a deep breath so that he was able to continue talking, “(Y/N) isn’t like any other recruits... She was so young when she joined the Avengers, she was about to graduate high school and God she was a blessing to us...” Clint chuckled at the thought. Bucky let out a small grin too, thinking about (Y/N) in her graduation outfit.

“You know, her parents... Were against her being with us, so she ran away from home, she cried on her first night here saying that she regretted leaving home, leaving her family and friends behind... She’d often go to Tony for comfort since Tony is surprisingly able to handle her state back then... But she know she have us, she have her new family with her and she regretted nothing...” Clint suddenly reached to his pocket and took his phone out, he scrolled through the pictures in his phone and stopped at a certain photo.

At first he only smiled to himself, making Bucky curious. But he soon moved his phone to Bucky, to show him the picture he found, “During her graduation, Tony and Natasha came as her parents and boy was everyone shocked, they thought that the great Tony Stark had a lovechild with his own teammate” Bucky laughed slightly when Clint said that, he imagined what it was like to be in Tony’s shoes back then.

As the chuckles subsided, silence began enveloping them again. The atmosphere had once again turned cold. Bucky began imagining what it would be like to reminisce about those moments he and the other Avengers had had with her if she won’t make it.

But Clint didn’t want him to be sad so he put an arm on bucky’s shoulder and looked straight at him with a firm smile, “I’ve seen her fight, I’ve seen her battle for survival many times...” he started, his grip grew firmer yet Bucky didn’t falter even once to the touch, “She’ll make it through this one” he then moved his gaze to the unconscious girl who is surrounded by his children and firmly nod at himself, “Yup, that girl is a survivor”

Somehow Clint’s words pierced Bucky’s heart.

Everyone seems to love her, especially him and she had done nothing but accept all his shits, his mess, his nightmares, and even her wrongdoings. Sure, sometimes (Y/N) has some flaws, everybody does. But to Bucky, she is nothing like that. To him, she was some sort of a saint, not that she is free from sin-hell, she have her own devils inside her-but still, she had managed to make an angel out of her devils. (Y/N) is without a doubt the most saint person out anyone that he had ever made.

But why did a tragedy had to happen first to make Bucky realized that? He felt like it was unfair, how (Y/N)’s life or death situation brought out the most sensitive topic to him and made him realize what she truly means to him and how much she love him with no exceptions. He is a man with many flaws which made Bucky wonder, how did she overlook them?

“Clint...” Bucky called, catching the man next to him out of guard, “Tell me the truth...” he started, eyes lowering down to his fingers on his lap, “About?” Clint asked, an eyebrow cocked up with interest.

Bucky heaved a loud sigh before continuing, “What was your first impression about me?”

Truth is, Bucky had never been curious about what other people’s first impression about him because he know that the answer would either be scary or murderous and God forbid him killing someone right after they said that to him which is why he’d rather not ask in the first place.

Bucky had never even asked (Y/N) that question. He felt like it’s not even that important and (Y/N) knows her boundaries, she doesn’t want to pry too deep into Bucky’s life because though they are-were dating both still needs their own privacies despite what people said. 

It took Clint a minute to answer Bucky’s question, “Broken...”

Now that shocked Bucky.

“What?”

“Broken, the first time I saw you, when Cap brought you during the whole him and Tony fiasco, I could see from your eyes that you’re broken, you’re strong and that was because someone broke you to pieces and never bothered to glue you back together”

At first, Bucky was surprised when Clint answered his question but now that he heard the reason behind his answer, he was rather ticked off, almost to the point of him being furious. He’s in the spot between serenity and blowing up at Clint.

“I am not broken... No one broke me and no one needs glue me back together-”

“And that’s why you glue yourself back together” Clint interrupts, shutting Bucky off completely with utter shock, “You can’t glue yourself back completely so there were some cracks left, there were cracks that not even you realise existed and when (Y/N) came into your life she offered to fill in those cracks with herself” By then Clint had somehow manage to made himself almost to the point of being angry and Bucky almost in the verge of tearing up at the mention of his state, “Why? What could possibly made you so reluctant to the thought of someone helping you-”

“I DON’T WANT TO CORRUPT THEM!”

Bucky’s sudden burst made everyone in the room halt into a nerve wrecking silence. Lila and Cooper doesn’t have the slightest tinge of fear on their faces, but they just look utterly confused, the fact that they’re raised by a hero dad who has hero friends make them seeing their father’s friends bursting out or fought each other inevitable.

Clint looked at both of his kids and nod towards (Y/N), telling them to go back to what they were previously doing silently.

“What do you mean corrupt?” Clint asked, now looking to Bucky’s face that he tried to cover with his large hands, “I don’t want to corrupt them... You... Everyone that I care... (Y/N)...” Bucky then paused after saying his girlfriend’s name, softening up a little as he look down onto his hands and lifted his head slightly a little more, “Especially (Y/N)... Oh, she’s all the pureness that exists in this world and I don’t want to ruin that... No... She’s... Too good...” by the end of the sentence, Bucky’s eyebrows creased together in a slight frustration, he laced his fingers together and squeeze his hands until it turned white.

The man next to Bucky nodded slowly, processing what his friend told him, trying to form words in his brain for his mouth to let out and to comfort his nerved friend.

But nothing came out.

How could it come out easily?

Clint had never felt what Bucky felt.

True, that people feels pain differently and what one might say is deadly painful may not be as painful to another. But Clint knows, Bucky’s pain is at its highest level.

Bucky had once been on top of his game, being the nation’s hero with his childhood friend, people cheering his name from every corner of America, girls ogling him with dreamy eyes and hope to be able to even talk to the soldier.

But it all vanishes the moment HYDRA had its eyes on Bucky.

He became the nation’s most wanted man despite the government not acknowledging his existence, his childhood friend had once became his enemy, his mission, people screaming in fear when they saw him, girls looking at him weirdly and scared because of his metal arm and worse of all, he became a weapon, an assassin that was forced to do something that he don’t want to, he got his emotions erased, heart broken and left alone at the deepest, darkest corner of his brain, and he lost his whole world and its trust on him.

“Sometimes, you just gotta let people into your life... Whether you like it or not, someone would eventually do and that person is better to be someone you know, someone you trust, someone you love... You either learn this the easy way or the hard way, and from my experience, I’d have it the easy way any day” Clint was shocked at first, he was shocked that he actually could say something like that to a man like Bucky, “Time is an enemy, Buck... it will try to stop you every single day of your life and when it does, you’d want to be someone who have someone that he loves in his life, a man who is a better man than he was before, and it won’t happen if you don’t let yourself open to everyone around you...” Bucky had a solemn look on his face, he knew that Clint’s right, he does need to man up and open up to people, “Start with something small buddy, someone close, someone that is closer than you think” Both of their eyes trailed slowly to (Y/N)’s resting body on the bed.

Bucky was so focused at looking at his lover, he didn’t realized that Clint had said his goodbyes and took Lila and Cooper with him home, leaving Bucky and the unconscious girl alone, silence enveloping them but yet everything seems to be so loud to Bucky.

Weird.

Without him realizing, he was on his feet.

His feet slowly brought him closer to (Y/N), allowing him to see more of her as he walk towards the bed. He could see all of (Y/N)’s perfections that she had once claimed as her imperfections. Oh, how he loved everything about her.

Bucky slowly sat down on the chair that Cooper had pulled before.

He sat there silently with his hands clasped together and his eyes not leaving (Y/N)’s face, not even for a second.

Slowly, his eyes drifted off to (Y/N)’s chest, where the arc reactor that Tony built specially for (Y/N) is resting in the middle of her chest. It looks weird on her. Considering that she had just had the arc reactor attached to her body recently made it seems comprisable that no one is used to the sight yet.

Bucky held one of (Y/N)’s hand in his securely but not too tight, he doesn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already does. But with the loving look he gave to (Y/N) at the moment, who would’ve guessed that Bucky is the cruel man he claimed to be?

His eyes began to trail off down towards her hand, how soft it felt against his harsh, calloused ones. How it’s smaller than his big, enveloping ones. How it reminds him of all the happy times they have spent together. But he also felt how cold it was against his warmer ones, even his metal hand felt slightly warmer than her hand.

“I promise you, (Y/N)... No more... No more pain for the both of us, no more sadness, no more tears... Just you and me, baby... but you gotta bear with me, okay?” he chuckle slowly, he looked up to her eyes as a tear slipped from his eye, “Like I’ve told you before, I’m a broken man... I’ve lived a broken life without you before and God, I just realized how fucked up it was...” his breathing became shaky, he can’t control his emotions at the moment but he tried his best to not rampage the whole room just because of his mixed emotions.

Bucky took a sharp intake of breath before continuing, “That’s why... I was so happy that you came into my life... That you were selflessly willing to throw all the normalities in your life to be with someone as abnormal as me... I mean, look at me! Tony was right, I am a walking trash can... At least he got both of the trash and the can right” he chuckled once more but this time no tear fell down, only a soft smile that lingered on his lips. He pressed his lips onto the back of (Y/N)’s hand that he was holding onto for the longest time, hoping that he wouldn’t have to ever let go, “So please... Stay with me, stay for me... I don’t know what I’ll do without you, doll... I’ll call you with more nicknames if you want, I’ll be there for you all the time, I’ll make sure to cut our working hours and amount of missions but if we can’t, I’ll make sure to be together with you through every single mission so please... If you let go of me now, I don’t know what I’ll become, I could go mad or I’d probably join you in death...”

Then he paused.

He began imagining what it would be like to join (Y/N) in death. Or what would it be like to miserably fail to join (Y/N) in death and ended up having to live the rest of his miserable life alone.

God had softened the man’s heart through a girl and now he had his eyes streaming tears down onto his cheeks, staining them with pain-filled tears as to show how unwilling he was to let go of the most important person in his life if it would happen and if it happened in a really unfair circumstance.

As his thoughts began trailing off, he was suddenly reminded at one particular memory he had with (Y/N), a memory that he had skipped accidentally and was he glad that it came back into his head at the moment.

“Sweetheart, do you remember that night we talked about our future? The night after your undercover mission to infiltrate a nuclear factory?” He smiled to himself as he reminisce the feeling of (Y/N) in his arms, laid flat chest to chest with her head in the nook of his neck and their breathing and heart beat in sync with one another, “I... Promise... I promise to make all of those promises come true... But you’d have to also be here because if I were to fulfil your wishes, who’d fulfil mine if it weren't you? No one can ever take your place, (Y/N)... No one... Not Natasha, not Wanda, definitely not Sam... And not even Steve... None of them are like you, none of them are willing to give everything that you were willing to give me with no expectation of being rewarded back”

Once again, Bucky inhaled deeply and let it out as shaky breaths. He tried to keep himself composed, he tried to kept his smile on his face to appear strong in front of the unconscious woman in front of him. Though all the facade he had, his tears were uncontainable still as it spilled even more onto the soft bedsheets, staining them and marking them, making it known to no one that he had been there with her, waiting and foolishly expecting what may have never came true.

“All of them... All that I had hoped... All that you had hoped... And all else that we had hoped... Is waiting for us in the future...”

He leaned forward and kissed her lips through the oxygen mask she’s wearing, exactly where her lips would hold if the plastic helper wasn’t there in the first place.

“I would never leave you again...”

He gave another soft peck on the same spot.

“So wake up soon... Hurry, and come back to me....”

Another peck as his tear dropped onto (Y/N)’s cheek.

“I miss you”

Bucky whispered, his hot breath fanned over (Y/N)’s face, making it a little bit warmer than before.

After Bucky said that he missed her, little did he know that her fingers twitch in response to him and his sincere confession.

I’m sorry, I just love angst - Nana 🌸