#buckley parents who also suck

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Buddie Moodboard - The Man in the Iron Mask AU

AKA: What if we took that famous story, buddiefied it, and then threw in a steampunk aesthetic because why the everloving fuck not? So yeah, why the everloving fuck not? Coz, y'know, steampunk.

Buck doesn't know what life is supposed to hold for him. Did it ever hold anything for him? Or was he always only just a lost cause? He doesn't remember. All he knows are the measures of his cell and how much he'd love to see the moon without the mask separating him from the outside world, from seeing it with his own eyes.

That is until confession time comes around – but the Father usually taking their confessions turns out to be sick. So a young priest is sent in. And while Buck readies himself to confess to all the crimes he doesn't know he committed but apparently did, the young Father has a different idea:

He wants to get him out of prison, away from this place, and out of that mask.

And before Buck knows what's happening, he is in the clouds, just a little closer to the moon, inside a zeppelin operated by the priest's friends.

Just that the man is not a priest. And his friends are certainly no clergy either. As it turns out, they are part of the Resistance set on overthrowing the current Baron, a man by name Chase Mackey. Not that Buck would know. Politics are nothing the guards would discuss with him. Or anything, really.

And after all those year, the helmet finally comes off. For the first time in what feels like an eternity, Buck is sucking in fresh air, he can look at the sky, and there is no glass, no metal, nothing.

Though there is also a lot of something ahead of him, all that actually lies behind him: As it turns out, they know who he is, even though Buck does not. They know his actual name is Evan Buckley. They know that his parents were the late Baron and Baroness. They know that he was hidden from the public, raised in the countryside by a maid. That he had a brother for whom he was hidden. That he had a sister, too, though no one knows where she is after she ran away.

And most importantly, that Chase Mackey was the one who had him abducted from the countryside, imprisoned, and hidden behind the mask that has been his sad companion for all those years.

Buck doesn't know whether to cry our laugh when the people who got him out tell him that they want to overthrow the current Baron and put him into his “rightful” position as heir.

After all, who is he?

For most of his life, Buck only ever knew the measures of his prison cell. So much so that he forgot most of what happened before. For most of his life, he was only the man in the mask. No one. No one who was missed. No one who was remembered. No one who was loved.

Bobby, Chimney, Hen, and Eddie do their best to convince Buck not just of the merits of their plan but the necessity of their act. The Baron is no less than a tyrant set on seizing power and resources from the people he rules. And the upcoming masquerade ball may be their only chance to set the record straight at long last.

Thankfully, Buck warms up to them soon enough, not just because they saved him but because he enjoys their company. Particularly Eddie and his son Christopher soon have a huge space inside the young man's heart unsure of his place in the world.

Though Eddie dares to hope that by showing that he has a place with them, Buck can get accustomed to the idea of putting Chase Mackey in his place after all this time.

It isn't long until Buck is due a life-changing decision on whether he wants to join the Resistance and seize his privilege as the only living male heir to the Baron and Baroness. Though Buck finds that decision impossibly harder the more he gets a taste of a free and happy life with his friends, with Christopher, with Eddie.

Because the way he sees it, a palace, no matter how luxurious it may be, is still only just a cage. And Buck doesn't want to be in a cage ever again. Then again, so many people are suffering, are in a different kind of cage, because of the Baron – including the people he cares about more than anything in the world.

So what is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to do with this life he was given back? How can he make it matter? And how much does he have to sacrifice for the sake of a greater purpose?

Find more moodboards here.

[toosicktoocare]

emergency contact

pt 1 of 2 and also found on ao3!

(i promise i’m not ignoring my prompts- this idea just kinda popped into my head)

“Hi, may I speak with Mr. Evan Buckley?”

Frowning, Buck pulls the phone away from his ear. He doesn’t know the number; however, the area code is local, so he can probably rule out a scam call. At least, he thinks, the woman on the other line sounds very much real and not a robotic recording about to lead in with a cruise ship he didn’t sign up for.

“Uh, yeah. This is Buck—I mean Evan. This is Evan Buckley.” He clears his throat. He can hear a lot of background noise—a lot of muffled speaking, intercoms crackling. He’s heard it before, but he’s struggling to equate the noise to a particular memory, only having a small rock of dread burrowing low in his stomach to go by.

“Hi, Mr. Buckley. I’m Nurse Johns at LA General. I have you listed as the second emergency contact for Christopher Diaz.”

Buck’s stomach bottoms out, leaving him nauseous, weightless, and far too cold despite the LA sun beating in through his window and warming his bed. He shivers and forces himself upright in bed, muscles rigid, jaw a tense, jutted line.

“His father,” Buck starts into the phone, shaky, “Eddie—Edmundo Diaz—”

“—didn’t answer. You’re next on the list. Sir, if this is incorrect, I’ll need to move on to the next person—”

“—no!” Buck jerks to his feet, nudging abandoned clothes around with his foot until he finds a pair of gym shorts. “I’m… His father’s on a shift with the LAFD. Is Chris okay? What’s going on?” Composure, he thinks, is out the window. Then again, he’s never been capable of the whole ‘cool, calm, and collected’ thing when it comes to Chris. He snags the same shirt he tossed to the floor when he climbed into bed this morning after his 24-hour, a short-sleeved, blue shirt, and slips it over of his head, careful of his phone.

“Sir, I can’t disclose that over the phone.”

“Right,” Buck mutters, nodding more to himself. “I’m on my way now. Tell Chris—tell him Bucky’s on the way, okay?” He ends the call, taking the steps down from his loft two at a time. He’s only faintly aware that he’s shaking, and the rock of dread’s grown triple in size and sits heavily against his gut. He fumbles with his keys, pockets his wallet, and just remembers to slip on a pair of sandals. If he weren’t moving against a rush of fear, he’d take the time to give a mental ‘look who’s laughing now’ to everyone who’s made fun of the sandals in the last two months since he purchased them, but, the fear is a cold hand that’s pulling on him, disrupting his thoughts, chiseling against his composure.

He doesn’t dwell. He races out of his apartment, and in seconds, he’s in his jeep and whipping out of his parking spot. He knows LA well, knows the traffic patterns, and he’s unfortunately hitting lunch rush, which, he thinks, is probably similar to some twisted second layer of hell. He wishes, more than anything in this second, that he had an engine, that he could dominate the road with the power of a siren, but his jeep will have to suffice. Still, his grip on his steering wheel is tight, his knuckles fading white, when he hits the first of many red lights.

He uses hands-free to call Eddie, not surprised to get his voicemail after only two rings.

“Eddie! Chris is in the hospital—They didn’t give me any details, and I’m on my way now. They called you first. I’m next on the list?” Buck pauses briefly on that, gets lost in that fact, but then he shakes his head. “Look, he’s at LA General—just get there when you can, okay?”

He ends the calls, somehow feeling even worse, and then he tries Bobby. Logically, he knows that if Eddie’s not answering, Bobby probably won’t either. Still, when he’s teetering on the edge of panic, Bobby can talk him down, can ease him safely back to the present.  

“Buck?”

Buck’s foot slips a little too hard on the gas, and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Bobby? Bobby! Where’s Eddie?”

“Currently? He’s probably making his way back to a second story window, hopefully with one of the victims of an expansive house fire.” A pause. “What’s going on, Buck?”

Buck peers around, swallows back a groan at the cars on every side of him. “Look, can you get Eddie to LA General ASAP?”

“You’re at LA General? Are you hurt?”

“No! I mean, I will be, but it’s not me—it’s Christopher. Bobby, I don’t…” Buck sighs, drags a free hand down his face. He can feel his lungs constricting. The pressure of panic’s a bitch.

“They didn’t say anything over the phone. They tried Eddie first, and then they called me. I’m—”

“—Buck, take a breath. I’ll get Eddie there as soon as possible. You be careful driving there, okay? Keep us updated.”

Buck comes back down to earth with a low breath that’s been trapped in his lungs. “Thanks, Bobby,” he says, and he means it, pushing his gratitude hard into the two words. The call ends, and Buck forces his focus onto the road, onto making it to the hospital in one piece because Christopher needs him.

***

Concussion.

It’s the only word Buck keeps coming back to. He’s being led down hallways that are too bright, too loud, and annoyingly familiar, and the nurse is explaining that Christopher took a tumble at school and is currently being monitored for a possible concussion. Buck nods when appropriate, offers a few non-verbal affirmatives, and then he’s stopping before two large, glass windows, and behind them, Chris is sitting in bed chatting with another nurse. His hand finds the glass, fingers spread out, anxiety spread even to his palms.

“You’re welcome to go in. We’ve told him you’re coming.”

Buck nods absently. He’s going to go in—of course, he’s going to go in. He just needs to take a single second to fully capture the image of Christopher alive and breathing in his mind, an image that can break through the muddle, clear his head, bring breath back to his lungs.

“Mr. Buckley?”

“Sorry,” Buck mutters, nodding. He turns when the nurse opens the door for him, and he wills away any and all fear etched deep in his face the second he crosses over into the room.

“Bucky!”

“Chris!” Buck’s no stranger to concussions, so though animated, he keeps his voice soft, and he walks toward the end of the bed, glancing at the clipboard. “How’re you feeling, bud?” He asks, satisfied to see that the doctor’s notes are promising.

“My head hurts.”

“I bet it does,” Buck mutters, sympathetic, and he drops onto the edge of the bed, one hand resting atop Christopher’s covered knee. “What happened?”

“Me and Caleb were playing firefighter, and I fell down a step.”

Buck sucks in a sharp breath, holds it in his lungs to brace for the familiar wave of guilt that’s soon to tangle in his breath, jab past his rib cage to his lungs. “Is that so?” He settles for, breathless, and Christopher’s face falls, his eyes dropping to his lap.

“Don’t tell dad. He’ll get mad.”

“Chris—”

“—Mr. Buckley, I presume?”

Buck’s never been more thankful for a doctor to walk in for he wasn’t sure how to unpackage Christopher’s quiet plea in a way that wouldn’t be considered as overstepping Eddie’s parental authority but also in a way that wouldn’t have Christopher demanding he leave.

“Uh, yeah—It’s Buck.”

“Okay, Buck. Want the good news?”

“Will it be followed by bad news?” Buck asks, one brow arched, stomach twisting. “Because his father—”

“—no bad news today,” the doctor interrupts, and Buck huffs out a quiet sigh of relief and gives Christopher’s knee a squeeze. He gives a nod, and the doctor plucks the clipboard up.

“Christopher’s been cleared of a concussion. He’s got a few scrapes and bruises, and his head will probably hurt for a few more hours, but otherwise, he’s fine. I’ll leave a note at the front desk to begin the discharge papers. He should be out within the hour.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Buck mutters, and he nods when the doctor and nurses exit, giving him space to breathe; though, he’s not sure how much he can actually breath encompassed in four, blinding walls that bring back a pressing dark cloud of memories.

“Buck?”

Buck blinks slowly, peels his gaze from the door to see Christopher smiling softly at him, poking at his side.

“Can you lay with me?”

Buck eyes the small bed, mentally works round the best way to squeeze in, to maximize Christopher’s comfort, and he slips his sandals off and climbs onto the bed, impossibly gentle when he adjusts Chris. When he’s got Christopher against his chest, he sighs, and Christopher sighs with him, content, safe.

***

“That’s the last of them, Cap,” Eddie coughs lightly, tugs his helmet off. His lungs burn faintly from smoke inhalation. It’s not bad by any means, but he’s dabbling with the idea of having Hen look him over anyway.  

“Should I help with fire…” Eddie’s words trail off when the 122 pulls up onto the scene, their members already hopping out of the engine and working the hose. “Was backup necessary?” He glances back over his shoulder. Sure, the fire’s large, but he doesn’t think it’s classified as a level high enough to warrant local support.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie whips back around, squints at Bobby. “Yeah, why?”

“Let me clarify: are you okay to leave the scene right this second, or do you need to a look-over now?”

Eddie’s still struggling to read Bobby’s tone for it’s always frighteningly composed, even in the face of emergency. “I’m okay now.” He nods slowly, and then Bobby’s turning on his heel and wordlessly gesturing him toward the engine.

He slips into the back, pausing to see Bobby sitting in the back with him, stationed across from him.

“Cap, what—”

“—have a seat.”

Eddie sits slowly, slips his headphones on, and then the engine’s roaring to life beneath him and pulling away from the scene. He’s alone with Bobby because Hen and Chimney left earlier with a patient, and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s in trouble for something. He replays his actions at the house fire, yet he can’t find an error that would warrant a private conversation with Bobby.

“Buck called,” Bobby finally says, and Eddie drags his gaze from the cars moving onto the road shoulders, now finally tuning in to the fact that the sirens are wailing overhead still, the engine demanding the street with the shrill sounds and flashing lights. The sirens shouldn’t be on unless…

“Is he okay?”

“Buck’s fine. The hospital called him because Christopher was brought in. They tried you, and he was next on the emergency contact list.”

There’s dread, Eddie thinks. Dread when he rides up to a call and gathers the first, initial assessment of the situation. And then there’s bone-deep, crippling fear—fear that twists in his gut, pools into his lungs, walls around his heart. It drains the blood from his face, freezes his muscles, steals his breath, and buries his mind in a series of what if scenarios that range from grim to downright terrifying.

“Eddie, breathe.”

He does, but only because his mind is trained to respond on command to Bobby’s voice. The breath he sucks in his short and cold, and he finally reaches in his pocket for his phone. He’s got four missed calls, three voicemails, and a series of texts from Buck, all fairly close in time to the other.

He goes through the texts—he won’t be able to hear the voicemails right now, and he really doesn’t think he’ll be able to stomach Buck’s panicked, broken voice.

[From: Buck] Chris is okay. He fell at school and hit his head

[From: Buck] no concussion. Doc said he can be discharged within the hour

[From: Buck] I’ve checked him over. There’s a bruise on his side I want to keep an eye on but otherwise he’s okay

[From: Buck] we should talk about why he fell

[From: Buck] but not until later! Sorry that last text sounded weird…

[From: Buck] discharge in 20 minutes. I’ll bring him back to yours if you aren’t able to come yet. I still have the spare key you gave me

He’s blinks around the tears pooling in his eyes, swallows thickly. “Buck said he’s okay. He fell at school.” He’s aware his voice is shaking, and then Bobby claps him on the knee.

“That’s a good thing.”

It is, Eddie thinks, swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. He works on his breathing, controlling it, counting breaths, but when they pull up to the hospital, the fear comes back, muted now, but still there, always there.

He hops out of the engine, Bobby not far behind, and in just seconds, a nurse is guiding them back. When he reaches the door and looks beyond the glass to see Christopher curled up against Buck’s chest, he breathes, deeply and fully, for the first time since he pulled himself up into the engine. Relief, he thinks, is the singular image of the two most important people in his life safe and together.

***

“Christopher!”

Buck whips his gaze from his phone where he’s got a story pulled up to read to Christopher, and he slowly turns Chris over just as Eddie rounds the bed and pulls Chris to his chest tightly. He notes, to himself, that Eddie’s in full turnout gear, that he’s got soot smudges on his face, that his jaw is a set, unwavering line jutting against his skin.

“Daddy!”

“¿Estás bien, hijo?”

“Sí.”

Buck wordlessly slips from the bed, toes his feet into his sandals. He crosses his arms and backs away from the scene, feeling all too overwhelmed, suddenly suffocated despite the brush of relief before him, and then Eddie’s looking toward him, frowning, eyes unreadable, and Buck offers a small smile.

“The discharge papers,” he motions toward a stack of papers on the end of the hospital bed. “I’ll bring my jeep around.”

“Wait, Buck—”

Buck slips out of the room, eyes cast to the ground, and he bumps right into someone, his hand coming up to fist around the turnout jacket and his head dropping against a shoulder.

“You okay, Buck?”

There are so many ways Buck wants to say no, but the one that’s most alarming, one that’s been a nagging twinge in his lungs, is the one he opts for. “I don’t think I can breathe.” His voice is breathless, and then Bobby’s guiding him with a hand to his back toward the nearest exit. The second he bursts through the double doors, he sucks in a sharp gasp that breaks way to a few coughs, and he’s being gently eased onto the edge of the sidewalk.

“Easy, Buck. Breathe with me, okay?”

Buck meets Bobby’s eyes, nods, and drags his gaze down to Bobby’s chest, watching the steady rise and fall, mimicking it, until the fog clouding his brain breaks, leaving him far too tired. His shoulders slump, and Bobby claps a hand to his shoulder.

“What’s going on?”

“I didn’t know…” Buck sighs, dropping his face into his palms. He can hear his therapist’s voice reminding him that he’ll feel better if he’s more open with others. “I’m really overwhelmed right now.” He can feel Bobby’s hand tighten around his shoulder, a wordless sign to continue. “Just… Getting that call that Chris is in the hospital really freaked me out. I know he’s fine, but just… He’s the last person I ever want to see in a hospital bed.”

“Now you know how I feel every time I get a call that you’re in the hospital.”

“Bobby,” Buck groans, lifting his head to match Bobby’s smile.

“You look tired—I don’t imagine you got much sleep before the call?”

“A few hours,” Buck admits, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Not sure I’ll get back to sleep anytime soon. I’m exhausted, but it’s definitely going to take some time for the adrenaline to die down.”

“Do you need me to take Eddie and Chris back?”

“Nah,” Buck drags himself up to his feet, yawning. “I’m going to need to physically see Christopher safe in bed before I can even think about unwinding.” He can see one of the engines not far off in the parking lot, and he laughs quietly. “Though, I bet Chris would love to be back in the truck.” He frowns at Bobby’s turnover gear. “Did you leave right after a call?”

“I requested the 122 to come in for backup.”

Nodding absently, Buck looks back toward the doors they came from, and he crosses his arms, fingers digging into the skin. He knows that he’s taken all necessary steps when faced with an abrupt situation, yet he can’t shake the underlining burn in his stomach that he overstepped, that he didn’t get here fast enough, that he should have added a step, or even removed one, when getting here.

“You did good today, Buck.”

His shoulders slump, tension falling with them, and he huffs out a low sigh.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

***

“You keep looking at him like he’s going to disappear.”

Buck jumps; he didn’t hear the shower cut off, nor did he hear Eddie slip into Christopher’s room behind him.

“I keep thinking he might,” Buck whispers, and Eddie tugs at his arm, urging him up from the chair he’s got pulled up to Christopher’s bed. He lets Eddie guide him from the room, but when Eddie tries to ease him onto the couch, he digs his heels into the floor, and Eddie turns to him, brows furrowed.

“Buck—”

“—when were you planning on telling me I’m second on Christopher’s list of emergency contacts?”

Buck doesn’t miss the deep, calculated sigh Eddie breathes, and he opts to remain standing when Eddie sinks down onto the couch, only watching wordlessly as Eddie runs fingers through his damp hair.

“It was Chris’s idea.”

Buck blinks slowly. “What?”

“After the tsunami. When we were leaving the hospital, he mentioned how you saved him. He said he wanted you to be the person who comes to save him again.” Eddie pauses, rubs smally at the shirt fabric just above his chest. “I resisted at first—I told Christopher we couldn’t ask something that big of you, but I’ve seen countless times since then how far you’ll go for him, so I called and had you added second on the list.”

Eddie takes in a low breath, and Buck’s mutely envious because he can’t do the same.

“If I can’t get to him, it needs to be you.”

Buck’s struggling to pick something to focus on. His heart wants to chase the heat of Eddie’s words, yet the guilt, as it always is, is an overpowering force that leaves him shaking his head, backing up until the back of his leg hits the coffee table.

“It can’t be me.” He watches Eddie’s face fall, but Eddie still nods, understanding even now.

“I get it. I should have asked first. I know it’s a big responsibility—”

“—what?” Buck shakes his head again, crosses his arms. “It’s not the responsibility. You know I would do absolutely anything for that kid. It’s the fact that it’s my fault he ended up in the hospital today.”

Eddie cocks his head to the side, lips in a firm line, and Buck knows this look well—it’s Eddie’s way of signaling for Buck to continue, knowing well that Buck will finish on his own, that he doesn’t need verbal prompts to guide him toward his point.

“He was playing firefighter with one of his friends at school, and he fell down a step.”

The silence that follows feels thick enough to clog Buck’s lungs. He wants to sit—his legs are shaking, but if he sits, he can’t flee as fast, and he just knows Eddie’s going to ask him to leave, to not come back. And, Buck thinks, Eddie should. Eddie should yell at him for filling Christopher’s mind with stories from work, for encouraging this imaginative behavior that dropped him onto a hospital bed.

“Is that it?” Eddie says instead, calm, and Buck frowns, jaw opening and closing, struggling for words.

“I mean, I’m waiting for the part where you tell me how this is your fault,” Eddie clarifies, and Buck sinks onto the coffee table at this, not trusting his legs to hold him upright.

“Eddie, I’m constantly telling him stories from work, glorifying the job, painting all of these verbal, detailed images that fill his mind and plant ideas.”

“And you think I don’t?”

“Eddie—”

“—Buck, we have the same job. If Chris asks me what I did at work, I tell him. I spare him the calls that don’t go in our favor, but otherwise, I tell him.”

Buck blinks slowly, mind operating around 30% capacity, and Eddie leans forward, cupping a hand to Buck’s knee.

“No one’s at fault. Kid’s got one hell of an imagination.”

“Wait, hold on. You’re not mad?” Buck expected yelling. He expected to get kicked out of Eddie’s house, and yet, Eddie’s calm before him, relaxed, a little tired around the edges, but he’s showing no signs that he’s seconds from blowing up.

“There’s nothing to be mad about.”

Buck can only blink at Eddie. He’s faintly aware that his eyes are watering, and then Eddie’s pulling him back up by the arm.

“Okay, we all know by now that you get sappy when you’re tired.”

Buck stops in the doorway when Eddie steps into the bedroom, watching as Eddie pulls back the covers and motions toward the bed. He shakes his head, one hand gripping tightly at the doorframe.

“Eddie, I’m not taking your bed. You should be with Chris. I’ll go—”

“—Chris will want you here when he wakes up. Plus, it doesn’t take but basic math to realize you’re working on only four hours of sleep after a 24, so you’d be doing everyone a favor by shutting up and getting in the damn bed.”

“Eddie.”

“Buck.”

Buck holds Eddie’s gaze, breaking it after a few, heavy moments with a weighted sigh. He shuffles toward the bed, kicking off his sandals and climbing in on the side farthest from the door, knowing that the side closest to the door is reserved for Eddie, to accommodate Eddie’s needs to be the first to act if something happens.

The bed is heaven against his sore body, and the second his head hits the pillow, he’s struggling to keep his eyes open. The adrenaline is fully fleeing now, leaving him exhausted to the core in more ways than one. He blinks slowly, watching as Eddie climbs into the other side of the bed, sighing loudly, and he rolls toward Eddie, studying the way Eddie gingerly rubs at his chest for the second time.

“You give your oxygen mask to someone during the house fire?” Buck asks around a yawn, and Eddie nods.

“It wasn’t for long.”

“You didn’t get checked over.” It’s not a question; Buck knows, based on the sight of Eddie arriving at the hospital looking rough for wear and donned in full gear, but Eddie still responds.

“No, but I’m fine.”

Buck forces himself up on one elbow, frown deep, brows furrowed. “You should get checked out now. I can call Hen—”

“—did you forget I was a field medic?” Eddie arches a brow, and Buck sinks back against the pillow.

“No, you always find a time to remind me. You can’t check yourself over, though.”

“And how many times have you ignored a fractured rib because you ‘checked yourself over?’” Eddie fires back, and Buck groans, draping an arm over his eyes.

They fall silent, and Buck’s body is urging him to give in to the fatigue draping over him. Still, he can’t fully settle. The adrenaline of the last hour and a half is a flame that’s almost completely burned out. Still, it flickers smally, and he rolls onto his side, watching Eddie.

“The bruise on Christopher’s side. We should—”

“—I looked, and we iced it until he fell asleep. Now, please shut up and sleep.”

[harringrovetrashrat]

The Gobbler II: The Witching Hour

Harringrove Big Bang 2021 is here!!! A huge thanks to @harringrovebigbang for organizing this!  Also a huge thanks to my team, @monsdasarah and @catharrington, who did the art and moodboard, respectively.

But without further ado, here we go.  The Gobbler II.  Time to get cracky.

Steve wasn’t counting the days until the full moon. He wasn’t.

Fine, he was. He was thinking about Billy at pretty much every chance he got. Because, while the blow job had been fucking mind blowing, Billy was… Billy had insisted on them hanging out some, going over rules and such, as well as sharing emergency information should anything happen while Billy wasn’t in control. And Billy was funny. He was smart. He was an asshole.

Check, check, check. Each box for Steve’s Horny/Falling Deeply in Love list had been checked and Steve was struggling. He could deal with Billy being hot, a lot of people were hot, and Steve could get over that. Hell, he’d thought Robin was hot until she very kindly turned him down. But the problem was that Billy wasn’t just hot. Steve liked him. Liked him, liked him. Third grade schoolyard liked him. Because while Billy was snarky and rude and a total dick when he wanted to be, Steve could tell he had a good heart. He saw it in the care Billy took with him regarding everything with The Gobbler. Saw it when Billy mentioned his sister and his eyes softened, even if he called her a shitbird. Hell, Steve watched Billy step over an ant hill instead of on it and his knees went weak.

He was fucked and he knew it.

“I still don’t know,” Robin said, brow furrowed with worry. Steve was finishing up the garlands she needed, weaving together the hay and wheat so flowers could be intertwined safely without fear of them falling out. He sighed and set down the garland before stretching out his fingers.

“Robin--”

“I know, I know,” she said, cutting him off with a sigh as she paced back and forth in the living room while he worked. “But I don’t fucking trust him! And while I’m glad you won’t be traversing the woods--” She cut herself off, eyes narrowing. “You’re both staying inside, yeah? You’re not planning on going looking for it are you?” Steve rolled his eyes.

“We aren’t going to look for The Gobbler in the woods. We won’t even look at the woods.” Steve felt bad, just a bit, when Robin visibly calmed from the reaffirmation, though she did continue to pace. He knew she was just worried about him, but still. He did know what he was doing. Mostly. Enough. Steve stood and wiped off his hands before halting her movements by pulling her into a hug. “I know you’re worried,” he mumbled into her hair. He pulled back, giving her a smile. “But seriously. It’s gonna be okay. I know you don’t trust him, but do you trust me?” Robin scoffed, rolling her eyes a little with a small, fond smile. “Actually, don’t answer that.”

“I was gonna say,” she replied with a smirk. “You don’t exactly have the best track record.” She let out a sigh, enough nervous energy finally leaving her body for her to plop onto the couch. “But I get it. I know you won’t let him do anything you don’t like, but I just… Something is… off.” She shook her head as Steve looked away, choosing to go back to finishing the garland instead of responding. Robin was right, and while Steve wasn’t a bad liar by any means, she knew him too well. Robin looked. She listened. She saw his nervous tics and heard the words he didn’t say. So instead, he said nothing and finished the garland as she checked through her notebook and made sure everything was accounted for.

By the time Steve finished, Robin was done packing up the rest of her things.

“Hope tonight goes well,” Steve said, giving her another quick, firm hug as they stood in the doorway. He pulled back, grinning wide. “Say hi to Heather for me,” he said sweetly, getting a shove from Robin as her face turned red.

“Oh my god,” she groaned. “Shut up!” Still, she smiled, and gave Steve a softer, more playful shove. “Have a good night. Don’t stink up the house with your boy fumes.” Steve snorted and shook his head.

“Billy and I both smell great, thank you.” Robin rolled her eyes and headed out, hopping onto her bike and waving one last time as she rode off. Steve waved until he could no longer see her, sighing happily as he went back in the house. It was only a moment however before he kicked it into overdrive. Steve ran to the living room, shoving everything away. He wanted things to be clean and ready, anything breakable moved out of the way. He had no idea how the night was going to pan out, no idea if Billy would even go for him again. How did the curse even work? Would he need a different dick every month? Would their plan even work?

Steve decided that he didn’t care. That they would figure it out. That he would figure this out, no matter what. Billy acted cool and unbothered, but it was obvious that this curse made him… Unhappy wasn’t the right word, but neither was disgusted. Uncomfortable, maybe? Steve could work it out later; right now, he needed to focus on getting the house Gobbler proofed.

Steve was up and out of his seat in record time when he heard the doorbell ring. He had to stop himself in the entryway and take a few deep breaths. It was probably weird how excited he was. How much he wanted this. But, Steve had a crush, a big one, and he was known to have poor judgement when he was into someone. Steve ran his hand through his hair before finally opening the door.

“I was wondering if you were gonna stand there forever or let me in,” Billy joked as he stepped into the house and brushed Steve’s shoulder with his. Steve flushed as he remembered the stained glass window in the front door, where Billy probably saw him run up and stop. He swallowed his embarrassment and followed Billy to the living room. While he had been over a few times, they usually had met up at Billy’s place. Robin’s distrust of Billy made him nervous, put him on edge, so he didn’t like coming to Steve’s often. Which sucked. But today Billy was here. He was here and he was standing in Steve’s living room, looking around with a small smile. “You and Buckley decorate like fucking grandmas,” he said, turning to give Steve a teasing smile, tongue caught between his teeth. It made Steve’s heart stutter.

Yeah, he was royally fucked. This was probably the worst idea he’d ever had.

He was still gonna do it.

“You should do an open mic, really, with all those zingers,” Steve replied. Billy cackled and Steve smirked back. “C’mon. We can come back down here to order pizza and put on something, but I, uh,” he faltered, turning a little red. “I figure you can put your bag in my room?” His nerves made it sound like a question, but he wasn’t the only one feeling a little funny about it, since Billy also went red. He blushed down his neck and Steve wondered how far down it went. To his collarbone? His nips? Steve cleared his throat and gestured to the stairs, leading Billy up silently.

“It’s a nice house,” Billy said quietly, breaking through the tension. “Grandma accents aside.” Steve snorted and opened the door to his room, suddenly anxious for Billy to like it. He had plants on plants, pots on every shelf, every nook, every cranny. Herbs lined his window sill, along with a few succulents. Steve loved plants. Loved the energy they brought. His parents had hated how he had loved to be in the dirt, to feel the magic of earth and nurse it, keep it thriving and strong. They were white magic users, full of spectacle and grace. Steve, well, wasn’t.

The rest of his room was somewhat bland, lots of greens and blues, the wood of his bed frame and desk a nice light brown. Billy looked around, eyes a little wide, setting his bag on Steve’s made bed. His room was cluttered, but organized, and Billy seemed amused at all the little knick knacks Steve had.

“Wow,” Billy breathed. “I don’t know why but I expected more plaid.”

“I don’t know whether to take offense to that or not,” Steve replied with a grin. Billy shrugged, his smile easy going.

“Your choice.” Billy went to the window, looking out at the garden in the backyard. “I’m gonna assume you’re the one who did the garden too?” Steve joined him by the window, looking down.

“Kind of. I do a lot of the gardening, but Robin helps a lot. We like to have native species of plants, and I hate nettles, so she’s the one who deals with them.” It was nice, talking to Billy. He seemed genuinely curious to know Steve and he hadn’t had anyone this interested in him since school, when he still reaped the benefits that came from his last name.

“Native species?” Billy asked, turning to Steve.

“Oh, I could go on for hours, you don’t want--” Steve began, face flushing.

“Dude,” Billy said, huffing slightly as he turned to face Steve more. “I like hearing what you have to say, okay? You don’t gotta censor yourself for me.” And there it was. The soft nougaty bit of Billy Hargrove that made Steve feel soft and squishy and seen.

“Well, why don’t we order the pizza and then we can talk?” Steve asked. He wanted to get out of his room before he shoved Billy onto the bed here and now. Steve had an inkling that Billy felt the same, but he was incredibly nervous that he was just reading too much into the situation. So instead of facing his feelings like an adult, Steve turned and headed downstairs, hearing Billy’s heavier footsteps behind him. He grabbed the phone out of the cradle, punching in the phone number for the best pizza place in town. “What do you like on your pizza?”

“Pineapple and onion. I can do ham or no ham.” Billy said it casually, like he hadn’t just spouted out the most disgusting combo Steve had ever heard.

“Oh, dude, I dunno. That’s crossing a damn line--” Steve began, aghast at the idea of pineapple on pizza, much less paired with onion.

“It’s good!” Billy protested with a pout. “Listen, order a medium one and then whatever your dainty tastebuds want. You’re gonna try it and I know you’re gonna like it.” Steve gave him a blank look, unimpressed and unconvinced. Billy just crossed his arms and raised a brow, tilting his head. Steve sighed and when Benny picked up the phone, he ordered.

When the pizzas arrived (pineapple and onion for Billy, while Steve got the olives and green peppers), Billy sat Steve down on the couch, handed him a slice, and sat on the coffee table, staring intently. Steve eyed the pizza, then Billy, then the pizza again.

“Trust me,” Billy said. “It’s good.” Steve sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically before daintily going in for a bite. “That’s a fucking nibble, get some of all of it, asshole.” Steve shot Billy an exasperated look, but he did take a real bite. And… Fuck. That smug asshole was right. The acidity and tart sweetness of the pineapple paired well with the sweet onion and the acidity of the tomato sauce. It was savory and sweet, with some good crunch, and Steve couldn’t help his surprised groan, staring at the pizza in shock. Billy made a choked noise and Steve looked at him, eyes wide.

“It is good,” Steve replied, taking another bite. Billy’s face was flushed, but Steve didn’t pay much attention, snarfing up his slice quickly.

“Told you,” Billy said, grin wide and proud. “It’s good shit. I know my food, dude.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve said through his mouthful of pizza. “You win this one, Blue.” At that, Billy paused, giving Steve a confused but curious look.

“Blue?” Steve blushed and realized he’d never actually said that nickname out loud before. Not in real life, at least.

“Yeah, uh, like your uh, your eyes,” Steve stammered out. Billy looked at him, silent, looking torn about something. Finally, his face settled and he snorted, shaking his head.

“Should I call you Brown?” Billy asked, snatching up a slice for himself. Steve fake gagged.

“Oh god no, please don’t.”

“Sure thing, Brown Eyes.”

“Billy, I literally said--”

“You said not to call you Brown. This is different.” Steve groaned while Billy smirked around the string of cheese connecting his lips to the pizza. They continued to joke around while they ate, Billy flinging the olives off his slices, like they had personally offended him. Eventually though, it was starting to get dark. Steve could see the tension and stress building inside Billy as the night went forward, inching closer and closer to the peak of the moon.

“Do you know when it’ll happen?” Steve asked. The pizza boxes had been broken down and put into the compost bin, all the leftovers wrapped in foil and put away. The sun had set and the only light in the house was from the multiple lamps Steve had. Billy had been subdued for the last hour, getting lost in his head. Steve knew because he did the same thing. “Just, like, is it a set time or does it depend on the season?”

“9 PM,” Billy replied softly, his earlier mirth replaced with concern and anxiety. “You don’t have to do this. You really don’t.” They’d had this talk multiple times, but Steve could see the weight on Billy’s shoulders. He knew how it felt to feel like a burden, so he reached out and took Billy’s hand.

“Maybe we met in some weird ways, but you’re my friend.” Billy looked at him, eyes shining a bit. “I wanna help you with this, and if we have a way to keep you inside and distracted all night? Why wouldn’t we?”

“But--”

“You aren’t forcing me into anything, Billy. This is a choice I am making. Clear headed and sure.” Billy visibly relaxed, sagging a little. Steve kept hold of Billy’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You wanna go up to my room?” Billy went red at that, flushing down his neck again.

“Yeah.” They walked up in relative silence, tension creeping again, but this time it was different. Steve felt electricity on his skin, felt heat curl in his belly. Billy sat on the edge of Steve’s bed, already looking out of it. “You can strip and leave your clothes on the dresser if you want,” Steve suggested. Billy just nodded, standing up. He stripped slowly, turning his back to Steve like they weren’t about to have sex. Still, Steve let Billy have his privacy. He did catch a glimpse of Billy’s ass, toned and tight, and he licked his lips, mouth suddenly dry and sticky.

“Thank you,” Billy whispered, and if it hadn’t been so quiet in the room, Steve wasn’t sure he would have heard him. Steve nodded, reaching behind him to find Billy’s hand and squeeze. There was a sharp intake of breath and a squeeze back. Looking back at the clock on his nightstand it said 8:59. Steve very suddenly was hit with the vivid memory of his torn jeans last time, and he scrambled to get out of his clothes.

“Shit!” Steve hissed. “God damn it!” He was nearly tripping out of his pants when he heard a low growl start from behind him. He paused, hairs standing on end in anticipation. He knew it was Billy but there was something so different about the timber of the noise. Steve turned to look behind him and Billy was standing there, head hung, hair gone limp, staring at Steve from under his brow. It sent a shiver through Steve, right to his dick. “Hey there,” he said, voice shaky. The Gobbler staggered forward, looking out of depth in these surroundings.

“Schm...eat…?” Steve let out a puff of breath, nervous laughter bubbling in his throat.

“Schmeat,” Steve replied with a nod. It was like flipping a switch. One moment, he was Billy, nervous and and ansty, the next, he was The Gobbler. It showed in the way he seemed to have a singular drive, a singular purpose. The way he heard Steve’s confirmation and everything else seemed to leave The Gobbler’s mind except getting Steve laid out. Strong arms hoisted him up and Steve let out a small squeak of air. “The bed! Put me on the bed!” He said, since The Gobbler was eyeing the window. He landed on the mattress with an oof, looking up as The Gobbler crawled on top of him. It was quick, a blink and he was above Steve.

“Schmeat. Hole.” Steve’s brows shot up.

“Hole? I thought you just sucked?” Did Billy-- The Gobbler wanna fuck him? Like, he definitely wasn’t against that, but he thought Billy had mentioned it was more an oral craving that anything else. The Gobbler growled again, moving down to nose at Steve’s balls. “Oh, shit,” Steve gasped. That was fast. He could feel drool dripping onto his groin and, while he was already getting hard, the process went a little quicker at the feeling.

“Hole,” The Gobbler repeated, more insistent this time.

“Okay?” Steve replied, because he really didn’t--

And then he was suddenly flipped over, face down, ass up, with his cheeks spread, saliva dripping down his crack.

“Oh,” Steve gasped. That’s what he meant. The warm spit cooled in the air of the room, sending a shudder up Steve’s spine. He grunted, arching his back a little. “Fuck yeah,” he breathed out. It ended in a choked off stutter when he felt a wet, hot tongue drag itself over his hole. He could feel the rumble as The Gobbler growled once again, this one less aggressive and more lustful. “That all big guy?” Steve teased, honestly a little desperate to feel more. “C’mon, go at--” Steve cried out when he felt lips against his hole, sucking the skin. “Ohmygodohmygod,” Steve chanted, suddenly painfully erect. He hadn’t been expecting that at all and holy shit did it feel good.

Steve’s reactions were paid no mind as The Gobbler pressed his face into Steve’s ass, a low moan rumbling from his chest. He was salivating, spit already dribbling down Steve’s taint to his balls. He sucked at Steve’s hole, leaving a hickey just to the right of it. Steve keened, dick already starting to leak. Apparently, they weren’t wasting any time today. The Gobbler slurped up his drool, lapping at Steve’s hole, which was already starting to look red and puffy. Steve gripped the sheets, holding on for the ride as The Gobbler’s tongue started making long broad strokes up his crack. Each lick was hot and wet and left Steve shaking. He could feel sweat beading at his temples and on his back. There was a grunt and Steve’s hips were shifted, ass tilted up more. The sting of the burn from the mustache grazing across his skin paired so perfectly with the soft velvet of the tongue soothing over it. Steve’s mind was already fogging over, eyes going a little hazy.

“Shit,” he murmured into his pillow, each stroke of the tongue pulling tiny gasps and moans from him. The sounds alone drove him wild and Steve wished he could grab his dick and stroke, but honestly he had no idea if he would be allowed. Wondered too if he could cum just from this. It was looking quite likely. Especially as The Gobbler started wiggling his tongue inside him, licking into his hole desperately. Steve was loosening up, but apparently it wasn’t enough, seeing as there was a whine from behind him and a nose pushing even harder into his crack. The wiggling was teasing and light, a steady pressure that was driving Steve a little mad. He pushed back, a whimper escaping his lips and fuck, there. He could feel the tongue wiggle in just a little farther as he pushed back, getting another moan from behind him. “Yeah, yeah, fuck,” Steve moaned, starting to steadily roll his hips back against The Gobbler’s face. The hands on his cheeks gripped a little tighter, maybe even enough to bruise. Steve selfishly hoped so.

The Gobbler began to fuck Steve with his tongue, each thrust opening Steve up more and more. He could feel spit dribbling down his crack, down his balls, dripping onto the sheets. His dick was hard, so fucking hard, and Steve tilted his head to look down. There were tiny globs and strings of pre coming from his cock, leaving a small growing stain on the sheets as well. Steve was definitely gonna have to do some laundry after this.

With harsh, heavy breaths, The Gobbler finally pulled back. Already Steve had a poor sense of time, and with his brain steadily melting into a pile of warm, blissed out goo, he had no idea how long The Gobbler had been eating his ass. Like it was his last meal and he was a starving man. Steve couldn’t help the desperate whine that escaped his throat, or the way his ass pushed back, seeking that hot tongue. He jerked when there was cool air blown onto his hole. The Gobbler switched between blowing on the cooling spit dripping down Steve’s taint and his now red and loose asshole. It made Steve shake, made his thighs tremble as sounds were pulled out from deep inside his chest ah, ah, ah. It had him gritting his teeth and clutching the sheets so tightly his knuckles were white. Teeth grazed along the meat of his ass, gently nipping at the skin and making Steve jerk forward with each light sting of teeth. The Gobbler started to suck, marking up Steve’s ass with his mouth like he didn’t know any other way to do it.

Not that Steve was complaining. Like, at all. His ass was probably gonna give him plenty of trouble tomorrow, but he couldn’t find the energy to care. Not when this felt so good. He gasped, sweat dripping down his face and onto the pillow below him as The Gobbler dove in again. Steve’s hands twisted in the sheets, moans practically leaking from his throat at the tongue wiggling it’s way into his asshole again. He was so loose, and just from his tongue. Even the thought made him shudder as more precome leaked from his dick, adding to the stain already spreading on the sheets. When The Gobbler pulled away for air, Steve could feel his asshole flutter, desperate for something to fill it again. He actually yelled when suddenly there was a finger pushing into him. It paused, hesitant, and Steve pushed back against it, hips moving as he fucked himself. A glob of spit slid down his crack and the finger pushed it inside him.

“Oh god,” Steve cried out, feeling his balls start to tighten. “Oh god, oh god, oh god--” And suddenly a hand clamped around the base of his dick, keeping him from cumming. Steve whined, loud and long, starting to turn over and push himself up.

“Mine!” The Gobbler snarled and pressed against his back, pushing him down into the mattress. Steve inhaled sharply as his finger shoved in farther, curling it up as he pulled it out.

“Fuck!” Steve screamed, unable to cum but feeling so fucking desperate. “B-Billy! Please!” He didn’t even really register that he’d called him Billy. Didn’t feel the desperation in the way the second finger pushed in, a little early. But Steve just made a low sound of pleasure, relishing in the burn of the stretch. It was the perfect amount to accentuate the pleasure without overpowering it.

The Gobbler panted into Steve’s ear and he could feel the drool dripping down onto the junction of his neck and shoulder. It shouldn’t have been so hot. Steve shuddered, feeling The Gobbler’s erection grazing against his ass cheek. He wanted it at least between his cheeks if it wasn’t gonna go inside. But The Gobbler didn’t even seem concerned with his own erection, just with touching Steve. He mouthed at Steve’s neck and between his shoulder blades, fingering Steve slowly. The tenderness of the kisses and the changed pace altered the feeling completely, and suddenly it was intimate. The pads of The Gobbler’s fingers massaged his prostate and Steve’s back arched. His hair was nearly wet with sweat, the whole room reeking of musk and sex. Goosebumps pebbled his skin as a shock went through him, the world focused to the sheets below him and Billy, The Gobbler, pressed up close behind him. The Gobbler took his fingers out slowly, pulling back. Steve whined, arm reaching out behind him. But instead, hands grabbed his hips and helped turn him over.

Hair splayed out around him, sheets mussed and wrinkled from being twisted and wrenched tight in his fists, Steve lay there, gazing up at The Gobbler. He hovered above him, hair draping down and shadowing his face. Still, his eyes shone bright, staring into Steve’s so intensely it made his dick leak. It was angry and red, throbbing as it bobbed, nothing giving him enough satisfaction to come. The Gobbler grinned, ducking down to suck one of Steve’s nipples into his mouth. Steve arched into it, hand gripping the back of his head. The Gobbler groaned, low and rumbling, hips rolling and his hard cock smeared pre along the vee of Steve’s hips. Steve was mush. Utter mush. His face was flushed and his eyes were glazed as The Gobbler went down, down, down and finally took Steve’s aching dick into his mouth. With one hard, wet suck, The Gobbler’s head bobbing only one time, Steve came with a shout that stuttered into silence. He came so hard his vision went white for a second. The Gobbler swallowed around him, drool mixed with jizz leaking from the corners of his mouth as he humped the sheets, fast and ruthless. Steve’s toes curled and his legs spasmed, knees tightening around The Gobbler’s ribs.

There was a loud slurp and a smack as The Gobbler pulled off Steve’s dick, letting it flop onto his groin, wet, shiny and softening. He swallowed audibly, letting out a moan as he came into the sheets, damp with sweat and drool. Steve watched him through half lidded eyes, watching as Billy blinked away the remains of The Gobbler. Steve smiled as his favorite pair of blue eyes turned to him, staring at him in awe. He wasn’t sure what other emotions he was seeing; he was too tired to discern much.

“You have got one hell of a tongue,” Steve slurred out. Billy continued to stare at him, eyes wide.

“You… You said my name,” he stammered out. Steve blinked at him, honestly drained and finding it hard to figure out just what Billy meant. And then, as sleep overtook him, it clicked. Fuck.

Steve woke up with a jolt and a sharp inhale. He blinked, looking out his window where the sky was still dark. He sat up, already starting to feel how sore his ass was. Billy must have gone ham on the biting and stubble rubbing, because he felt kinda raw. A good raw though, something that made him smile a bit at each tiny twing.

Then Steve remembered that he had actually shown his whole ass by moaning Billy’s name and a chill went down his spine. Billy wasn’t in the room, wasn’t on the bed, but Steve saw that his jeans were still on the floor, and it made him relax a bit. He got up, tossing on an old shirt and some sweats, before making his way downstairs quietly. The clock read 4:45, so Steve had definitely conked out deeply after he came. Billy wasn’t in the kitchen, but when Steve went into the living room, he saw Billy sitting by the window in the large armchair. He was resting his chin on his fist, just staring at the forest behind the house, lost in his thoughts. He had a glass of water on the table next to him, and didn’t look upset, so Steve took that as a good sign to start. He was quiet as he walked closer, pausing when Billy sighed heavily.

“I can hear you thinking from there, Steve,” Billy said quietly, without any heat.

“Sorry,” Steve replied on reflex. He sat down on the couch, watching as Billy continued to gaze out the window. “I--”

“Why did you say my name,” Billy asked, voice quiet and unsure. Steve looked down at his hands, pulling and tugging at each other as he wrung them together. He didn’t know quite what to say. It would have been weird to call out Gobbler, but he knew what Billy meant. In fact, was kinda shocked he even remembered.

“I… I mean, it won’t change my answer either way, and I don’t mean it as like-- Fuck,” Steve grumbled, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “How do you remember that? I thought--”

“I get… Bits. Not everything. I’m able to remember small things and feelings and small clips, but mostly it’s hazy. I can’t piece it all together. But,” Billy took a breath, deep and bracing. “I didn’t imagine that part, did I?” His voice was calm and unannoyed, but Steve still felt his stomach wriggling around inside him.

“No. You didn’t. I… Billy, I’m selfish,” Steve began, words coming out on a shaky breath. But this needed to be said. And he needed to apologize. “The first time this happened I mean… I hadn’t gotten laid in ages and you were hot and so it worked out. But this… time I--”

“Steve--” Billy said, voice laced with hurt and curiosity.

“Please,” Steve got out, cutting Billy off. “Let me. Let me say it all and then we can. We can talk.” Steve sniffed, rubbing his sweaty palms on his thighs. “This past month getting to know you has been so incredible. You’re a smart guy, just enough of an asshole, and you… You listen to me. And you care. The first thing you were concerned about last month was me, even though you’re under a spell forced to do a bunch of weird shit! Me! You were concerned about me!” Steve could feel Billy watching him, but eye contact would make his throat close up and maybe make him vomit, so he kept them at the table. “I know we don’t know each other super well -- I mean, it’s only been a month -- but I… You’re an interesting person and I fucking like you. I like you so much, Billy. All of you. Seriously.” Steve let out a long breath, closing his eyes to focus on getting the lump in his throat small enough that he could talk. “You need someone to help you and I… I’m too selfish to say no, even though I should because you--”

“Fucking christ, Steve,” Billy said, voice closer than it should be. Steve’s head snapped up and Billy was across the coffee table, leaning forward and bracing himself as he gazed at Steve. He didn’t look mad, didn’t look annoyed. Looked more fond than anything else and Steve felt his stomach do flips that were more along the neutral vein than flips that felt like he was about to start weeping. “You gotta let me get a word in.” Steve looked away again, apology ready to tumble from his lips, but Billy’s hand came and tilted his chin up, making him lose all ability to form thoughts, much less words. “Just to, yanno, condense all that, you said my name because you… you wanted it to be me?” Steve nodded, feeling his cheeks heat up. But when Billy smiled, relieved and excited and hopeful… It was so bright and overwhelming, Steve’s heart started fluttering, all of his insides squirming in joy and delight. “I’ve been so fucking worried. Because I really thought you were just… Humoring me. That this was you feeling like you maybe had to, or just to get some dick while you could--”

“I would never--” Steve began, horrified at the idea of using this against Billy.

“I know,” Billy replied gently, brushing his thumb over Steve’s cheekbone. “I know. It’s happened enough before I was worried I was being swayed into some false sense of security, but,” Billy let out a huffy laugh, smile going soft, “But this is just you. You’re just like this.”

“Like what?” Steve asked, unable to raise his voice above a whisper as he looked at Billy. Took in everything about him in the soft light of the moon. There was a shift in the air, something beautiful and new coming into fruition. Magic fluttered around them, Steve could feel it, bright and eager. It made the house feel warmer, feel fuller, and Steve’s breaths started coming in a little heavier. It took more energy to pull it in, but it was filling and exciting, making his skin tingle and thrum. His fingers itched to run over Billy’s skin. Which, come to think of it, he could do.

“Kind. Good. Silly.” Billy listed, pupils dilating as he moved around the coffee table, hand never leaving Steve’s face. Steve was grateful, unsure he could handle the feeling of loss if Billy had stopped touching him. As Billy sat, Steve’s hand came to settle at the small of Billy’s back, fire sparking in his gut and heart as their skin touched. Billy’s breath came in shaky, stuttering, and Steve leaned closer, their foreheads touching. “When you’re as hot as I am,” and some of the tensions eased at that, a snort escaping Steve before he could stop it, the magic shifting from something waiting for a spark to something more grounded. The feeling of hearth and home. “Yeah yeah,” Billy replied with a grin, “I know, I know. But really. People… Don’t see the person behind the abs.” It was silly, but Steve understood what he meant. Understood the struggle of people not just being blind to the person inside the body, but refusing to look beyond what they saw. “So thank you. For not being like everyone else.” Billy kissed him then and--

Steve was a witch, had been born into magic and felt it thrumming inside him. He’d been open to magic all his life, had felt the shift in magic during the change of the seasons, had done spells that had filled the room with power. Steve had seen amazing feats and more, but this kiss sent something through him. Something strong and vibrant and like nothing he’d ever felt. A crashing wave of signals and comments from the Earth and the magic within. He was overwhelmed with everything that coursed through him from the chaste kiss, hand pressing Billy closer as he tilted his head, mouth opening slowly. The kiss wasn’t hurried. It wasn’t hot and heavy. But it made Steve’s skin prickle with goosebumps, made his heart race and his lungs squeeze. He pressed closer, feeling Billy’s hand drop from his cheek to his shoulder, thumb brushing over his collar bone. It was a languid kiss, drawn out between a drag of the tongue, a light bite, the shared breaths between them.

When Billy finally pulled back, Steve knew his cheeks were flushed and he was panting just a little. It would have been embarrassing if Billy wasn’t also blushing, all the way down to his chest.

“I think,” Steve said, trying to catch his breath. “I think that we should go on a real date.” Billy’s laugh was bright in response, his head falling to rest at the junction of Steve’s neck and shoulder.

“Of course,” he breathed out. “Of course that’s what you’d say first.” Before Steve could even pretend to be offended, Billy kissed his neck, soft and sweet, his mustache dragging along Steve’s skin just a bit. “I’d love that. I’d love that a lot. But maybe we should get some sleep first, Brown Eyes.” Steve could feel the energy draining out of Billy now that the air had been cleared, and sleep started to tug at him as well. Even as he rolled his eyes at Billy’s simple nickname. However, he would have been lying had he said it didn’t thrill him and make his insides flutter.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Steve said in agreement. They moved together, hands still grabbing gently at each other, both of them unable to separate for long, if at all. It was like the truth had magnetized them and they just couldn’t fight the need to connect. They fell into the bed, smiling and warm and excited, ready for what this change would do for them.

As much as Steve wanted a languid morning filled with slow kisses and gentle touches in the lazy morning sun, Billy had places to be. Specifically, helping his sister Max.

“She’s moving in with her boyfriend, finally,” Billy replied when Steve asked, mouth full of egg and toast. It should have been gross, but Steve only found it endearing. “I won’t say I think it’s their best idea, but they’re at least keeping separate rooms. I know Max needs her own space.” Steve nodded, using the corner of his toast to burst the yolk of his fried egg.

“It’s good of you to help out,” Steve said, dipping his toast into the yolk as he cut through the egg with the edge of his fork.

“More like it’s required because I missed helping her move into her last place. Not like I was fucking sick or anything.” He set down his fork, plate already clean, before downing the coffee in the mug before him. “Sorry to eat and go, I would really rather stay here and--”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Steve said with a chuckle. He was also eager to talk more about them, but promises made were promises kept. “We have plenty of time, yeah? I mean, you can always come back here later,” Steve purred, thrilling a bit when Billy’s cheeks flushed.

“Don’t tempt me or I won’t leave,” Billy said, standing and leaning down to cup Steve’s cheek, kissing him lightly.

“That a promise?” They were distracted by the door opening, separating slowly. Robin came in as Billy was leaving the kitchen, both of them awkwardly giving the other space while pretending they weren’t doing just that. “How’d it go?”

“We’ll see this winter,” Robin replied, snatching the last bit of his egg between her fingers and quickly shoving it into her mouth.

“Hey!”

“Snooze you lose, dingus,” she said with a grin. “Last night go...okay? Anything happen?” She searched his eyes for any hint of deception and, for once, Steve wasn’t really worried about what she’d find.

“Kind of?” Steve said, mouth tugging into a smile. Robin furrowed her brow. “Nothing bad, seriously, all good things.”

“Steve?” Billy asked, knocking on the door frame. Steve stood and went over, leaning in close. “I gotta head out, but I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Sounds good, Blue,” Steve replied. Billy just smiled, eyes darting to Robin for a moment before he ducked in for a kiss.

“Catch ya later, Brown Eyes,” Billy replied as he headed out the door. Steve rolle dhis eyes, but really couldn’t help the smile on his face. Billy left with a wave and wink, disappearing into his car, and leaving Steve feeling smitten on the doorstep. He watched Billy’s car go, jumping when Robin’s voice came from right behind him.

“So that’s what happened, huh?” She asked, voice lightly amused. Steve blushed and shut the door, turning to give her a sheepish look.

“I did say it wasn’t bad.” When Robin didn’t reply with a quip, Steve paused, smile freezing on his face. “Rob?”

“I’m happy for you, Steve, really, I am,” she said, and Steve could hear the ‘but…’ coming from a mile away. “But I still think you need to be careful.”

“Robin, please--”

“It’s not about me trusting him this time.” Steve looked up at that, curious. “It’s because… Steve. I’ve only seen you this smitten with one other person in my life, and that was Nancy.” That. That made Steve freeze. He’d loved Nancy fiercely, too fiercely, and had been utterly smashed when she’d broken it off. Had been depressed for months. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Oh.” Steve wasn’t sure how to respond. Because he didn’t think he was that attached yet. Even if the idea of never talking to Billy again made it hard to breathe and made his lungs tighten and made his eyes water--

Oh fuck, Steve thought.

[babybuckleydiaz]

prompt: the firefam are throwing a fam bbq and bucks parents and eddie’s parents are there too. bucks parents keep making mean and cruel comments about buck but he’s desperate to keep the peace and not “ruin” the party. bucks parents make a comment about buck and eddie and chris and that’s when shit hits the fan. eddie’s parents surprisingly get super protective of buck (maybe pre-relationship buddie or secret buddie??)

okay so, this doesn’t fit the prompt perfectly, but i got carried away. i am so sorry if this isn’t want you were looking for. Buddie isn’t really secret,, the only people who didn’t know were the Buckley parents. also also, did i make Maddie bisexual right at the end of the story because i thought that would be pretty neat? yes i did. I also apologise for any spelling mistakes and grammar errors, there are probably going to be a lot, I struggle to read back what I’ve written so I briefly read over it, if that makes sense. Thank you all so much for reading and thank you to the prompter :)

warnings: homophobia and swearing. the buckleys suck

  “Explain why I let you talk me into this.” There is a tone in Athena’s voice that Bobby can’t quiet decipher when Bobby moves to stand beside his wife, her eyes glued to the Buckley parents with so much dislike. Sighing, Bobby wraps an arm around the woman’s waist and presses a kiss to her cheek because he himself follows her gaze, to where Phillip and Margaret were conversing with Maddie and Chimney. “Because at least here Buck and Maddie are surrounded by their loved ones if anything goes wrong.” Was the response that Athena had been given, and that was honestly the only answer that she had needed as he moves her eyes to find Buck in the ground of people gathered in her backyard. She finds him, of course with Eddie glued to his side, as the young man speaks to Ramon and Helena with an easy smile on his face. Christopher is standing in between his father and Buck, both of the Diaz’s have refused to leave Buck alone the moment that his parents had arrived.

  “Evan, join us.” That had been Phillip’s voice that had called out above the mindless chatter that had taken over the atmosphere and no one misses how Buck seems to talk a calming breath before nodding his head. “Sorry, excuse me.” He politely said to Helena and Ramon, who just smiled at him in an understanding manner before they watch Buck walk away from them; taking the moment to take in the Buckley parents.

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were seeing someone?” Margaret questions, the tone in her voice making it clear that she was annoyed that she had to find out from someone who wasn’t Buck. Frowning, Buck looks over at Maddie who looks so apologetic that the young firefighter can’t find himself being mad at her, he understands when things just slip out. So he shakes his head at his older sister and smiles, to let her know wordlessly that she hadn’t done anything that she needs to be apologetic for.

  “Because honestly it was none of your business.” Simply says Buck, and Eddie has to pretend to cough when the snort that he lets out was a little louder than intended. With a fond yet exasperated look in her eyes, Helena reaches over and gently slaps Eddie on the back of the head while shaking her head good naturally. Buck also seems to have heard the sound, because he gives Eddie a look before rolling his eyes and turning back to his parents who stand before him unhappily. “Neither of you are really in my life, so I didn’t feel the need to share anything.” And it really was as simple as that, he doesn’t have that much to do with his own parents so he never thought to tell them that he had found himself in a relationship with his best friend.

  “Evan Buckley, we are your parents and deserve to know what goes on in your life.” Phillip is obviously angry, and he says it loud enough that everyone seems to fall silent as they turn their attention to the Buckley family with concern in their eyes. It was like they were all waiting for the moment when everything would go south side and hit the fan; ready to jump in if Buck and Maddie need them to jump to their defence. But instead Buck snorts as he shakes his head, because he’s in a good mood and doesn’t want anything; even his parents, to ruin his day nor make a scene in front of his friends and family. “Yeah sure, okay.” Buck responds as he moves away from his parents, obviously done with this conversation already, as he makes his way back to Eddie and Christopher’s side so he can just take a calming breath.

  “You okay, Evan?” That was Helena who had spoken when Buck joins them once again, and she watches as the firefighter shoots her a beaming smile and nod his head. “Yeah, I’m good.” Was all that Buck has to say, briefly looking over to see his parents looking at him with barely hidden annoyance at how they had been spoken to by their son. Buck shares that same beaming smile down at Christopher and kneels in front of him when the young boy tugs on his shirt to get his attention. “What’s up, kiddo.” He patiently asks, Christopher doesn’t say anything and instead moves forward so that he is in Buck’s arms receiving a huge hug from one of his favourite people. “Nothing, just wanted a hug.” Buck can’t help but laugh loudly as he shakes his head, a fond expression on his face as he looks down at the kid he loves as his own. “All you had to do was ask, bud.”

  “He’s going to be a great dad one day.” Karen, who had been watching the scene, whispers to her wife with a fond smile gracing her face and Hen chuckles lowly before she responds. “Oh he already is a dad, babe.” Was what she had responded with and Karen is confused for a split second before she realises that Hen is talking about Christopher and, yeah, he really is that kids second parent. While speaking, Nia begins to struggle in Hen’s arms, obviously wanting to be let go and Hen does what is asked of her and watches as her daughter marches her way over to Buck. “Hey, Buckaroo? Someone wants your hugs too!”

  Buck looks up just in time to see Nia crash heavily into his side, and he laughs as he is knocked onto his butt and then found himself with a lapful, Nia happily giggling as she buries herself against the older man’s chest. “Hi, baby!” Buck happily says, leaning down and kissing the little girl on the top of her head; running a hand up and down her back for a moment. The adults watching them go unnoticed as Buck blows a raspberry at Nia, who squeals a laughter and does one right back; Buck unable to help the beyond happy laugh that escapes his lips.

  “So this is what you do, delude yourself by playing house?”

  For a blissful moment, Buck had completely forgot that his parents were here and was only reminded when he heard the sound of his father’s voice demanding attention. Sighing, Buck takes a deep breath as he pushes himself to his feet with Nia still in his arms as the toddler leans against his chest; unaware of the tension shifting around her. “Can we please not do this here?” Because Buck really doesn’t want to be the reason that the carefree and happy environment turns sour and harsh; nor does he want to have an argument in front of the kids. Phillip stands strong and silent as he looks at his son, then at each of the other people looking between the both of them; and for now he relents.

  And Buck will take that as a win for now.

  Bobby moves over and claps Buck on the shoulder as he passes the younger man, wondering into the house to do something that no one was really bothered about. Buck smiles at his Captain as he disappears into the house. “Hey Bucky?” That was Christopher once against demanding for the attention of the older man, and who was Buck to deny the child that he loved something so simple? “Yeah, kiddo?” Once more, Buck finds himself moving towards the floor and he kneels in front of Christopher; knowing that the kid like to be eye level with the adults that he talks to.

  “When we get home, can we have a movie night?” The request was so damn simple, and Buck can’t help but think about the number of times his own parents shot him down when he asked for anything just as simple. “Hm, did you do your homework from Friday?” The adult questions, but it doesn’t matter because he knows that he will cave and say yes to anything that the kid will ask of him; those damn puppy dog eyes of his. “Yep!” Was the excited announcement that he had got back in return and for a moment Buck can’t help but chuckle as he looks at Christopher with nothing but love and fondness clear in his eyes. “Well then, of course we can buddy.”

  Ramon and Helena exchanged a look that held nothing but acceptance, Eddie catching onto it and unable to help smiling to himself. His parents adore Buck, have since they met back over a year ago. “Yay, you should also totally make us cupcakes.” Christopher adds on, almost as if it was nothing more than an afterthought. “Not today, bud. Maybe another day though.” Buck promises, ruffling Christopher’s hair before he pushes himself up to his feet and brushes the dust or dirt on his knees. That whole time, Buck still has Nia against his hip as if the extra weight didn’t affect him at all; holding onto her so naturally and Eddie can’t help how much his heart swells.

  Parenthood suits Buck.

  “You know, Evan.” Once again any light feelings and happiness feels as though it’s been drained completely out of him when Buck hears his mother’s voice sound up again. “Mum, don’t.” Maddie hisses, but all she gets is a blank look from her mother before her attention is shifted to Buck, who stands and faces her with a small frown. “Oh great, here we go.” Buck mumbles under his breath, Nia looking up at the sound of his voice and blinking at him before she lays her head once more on his chest.

  “If I had a partner who was playing house with another man, and his son I would be upset.”

  “Oh my f-“ Buck was going to swear when he remembered that he had a child in his arms and another standing right beside him who didn’t hesitate in repeating anything that he said. “We’re really going to do this here.” He scoffed, Eddie feeling so bad for Buck because every time he’s having a good time something always seems to go wrong and not in his favour. “Hey May, can you take the kids inside, please?” Buck knows that they were not going to avoid this discussion and argument, so the most that Buck can do is make sure that the kids don’t have to do this.

  “Course, I can.” May says, not hesitating in taking Nia from Buck’s arms and resting the toddler on her hips and then grabbing Christopher’s hand for a moment in support. “Come on, bud. Let’s make those cupcakes.” Buck smiles tightly at her, making a mental note to return the favour for May whenever she needs one next. “You are a saint.” He whispers to her when she passes him, and she throws a wink over her shoulder before she goes inside the house at the same time that Bobby walks out, having no idea what had happened while he was gone.

  “Ed?” Buck questions quickly, because what he is about to say will have to decide on what Eddie’s answer will be to his one word question. “Go for it, I’m good.” Is the response that Buck was hoping he would get, and he nods his head as he turns his back to his partner and faces his parents.

  “I am seeing someone, I’m in a relationship with Eddie. I’m not playing house with another man.” Buck said, everything was out in the open with his parents and he can’t help but wish that he never opened his mouth. He had no idea what his parents were going to say, but it was too late to take them back now that they had been said.

  And the mere seconds that pass feel like hours, everything silent that a pin drop would have been as loud as an explosion in Buck’s ears. He sees his mother look at him with wide eyes, looking at her son as if it were the first time that she had ever seen him. And his father just looks angrier then he had before, something that Buck hadn’t really thought was possible until this moment. “I thought you were over this little rebellion of yours, Evan.” Margaret had said with a sigh as she had lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Clenching his jaw, Buck remains silent after what his mother had said while anger fills his body quicker than he ever thought would have been possible for him. But he’s pissed off, and this was something that he hated.

  Buck wasn’t someone that liked to feel anger, because once the anger was gone it left him drained to the bone like no other emotion could do.

  “You ruined one family, Evan. You really want to do that to another?”

  Now that is something that Buck had not expected to hear, and he couldn’t help but step back from the words as if they were a physical threat to him. His grown grows deeper as he feels that anger drain from him just as quickly as it had built up. He feels Eddie move to his side, an arm being placed around his waist in support and Buck looks at his boyfriend; who hasn’t hesitated in moving to his side the moment that Buck had stumbled back.

  “Excuse me?!” Both Eddie and Buck’s head whipped around at the sound of Helena’s voice calling out, demanding for all the attention as she steps away from her husband’s side and on the other side of Buck. Both her son and probably-future-son-in-law, both looked confused. It was known to both of them that Ramon and Helena preferred to stay out of other’s businesses, so neither of them had been expecting either of Eddie’s parents to jump into Buck’s defence. “N-No, Helena. It’s okay, it’s fine.” Buck quickly says, pushing down any emotions that he’s feeling as he looks at the older woman with a pleading expression, he really doesn’t want to be the reason that this day ends in an argument.

  “It’s not fine, Evan. They have no right to speak to you the way that they had.” It was Ramon who spoke up this time, but not moving from where he stood just behind the group; and Buck turns slightly to look at him with an expression that he can’t put into words. “Buck never ruined anything, mum! How dare you say that to him?” Maddie butts in, looking well beyond pissed off as she looked at her parents, the anger that she was feeling so clearly visible on her face for all to see. Philip is quick to shut down his daughter, holding his hand up in front of his face, and Buck doesn’t miss how Chimney looked more than tempted to slap that hand away from his partner. “Do not butt in, Maddie. This does not concern you.” Philip says harshly, and Buck had opened his mouth to jump to his sister’s defence, because no one can talk down to his sister in such a way and think that it’s okay.

  “Don’t you dare fucking do that to me.” But Maddie hadn’t given him the chance when she slapped her own father’s hand away, and Buck doesn’t deny that there was so much pride that swells up inside of him when his sister speaks. “I’m grabbing your coats, and both of you are leaving. Neither of you are wanted here.” Chimney is quick to follow Maddie as she waddles off into the house, no doubt trying to calm her down as they leave. “Oh look what you’ve done, Evan.” Phillip hisses, once again unable to take the blame that is solely his and Margaret’s, and placing it on Buck who hasn’t done a single thing wrong. Buck scoffs as he rolls his eyes, having no fight left within him as he ignores as best as he can what his father had just said to him. He really doesn’t want to deal with this anymore.

  “It’s so amazing to me that you’re son ended up as wonderful as he is when you both raised him.”

  It seemed like Helena wasn’t done though as he speaks up once more, the protectiveness and anger written so clearly on her face that not even a blind man would have been able to miss it. She’s angry and she doesn’t want these people to leave before she can give them a peace of her mind. “It’s astounding, actually. You’re children are wonderful despite how cold and cruel the two of you are.” The woman adds on, and Buck can feel how his eyes widen at how easily and quickly Helena has come to his defence over something that she didn’t need to put herself into. “Who the hell do you think you are?” Phillip is left stunned for a moment before he finds his words, confused as to who the hell this woman thought she was to butt into something that didn’t concern her at all.

  “Well hopefully, Evan’s mother-in-law one day.” She responds over her shoulder, giving Eddie a pointed look who rolls his eyes in response. “You’re seriously okay with your son dating another man? Are you not worried about your grandson?”

  “Wow, we love good old homophobia.” Buck mumbles as he rolls his eyes for the hundredth time that day at what had been said by his parents; Eddie lighting tapping his shoulder as if to tell him off for what he said. “At first? No, I wasn’t okay with it. In fact I watched them to break up.” Helena isn’t ashamed to admit what she had originally thought of the relationship when they had been told, because she learnt from everything that happened.

  “But as a parent all I want is my son to be happy, and Edmundo has never been happier than with Evan.” She adds on, hoping that maybe anything that she said today could help the Buckley parents to understand that who their son dates should never be their concern. “And for Christopher? Evan loves that kid like his own, would protect him even at the cost of his own life.” Helena thinks back to the tsunami when she says that, knowing that Buck had done everything that he had in him to try and find Christopher after they got separated.

  “I wouldn’t exactly class Buck as the parenting type.” Margaret obviously thought that she was being quiet, but with the silence that was surrounding them everyone heard what she had to say. And saying that none of them were impressed with what they heard would have been so much more than an understatement.

  “It isn’t like Buck has a reference for what good parenting actually is.” Eddie angrily hisses, he really just can’t stand here and allow anyone to talk about Buck when they didn’t know him what so ever. “But Buck is a fucking amazing father, I’ll have you know.” The dark haired firefighter continues, because he’s seen time and time again how amazing Buck is when it comes to looking after Christopher. “So Buck never ruined my family, because he adds so much to it instead.” Buck can see how annoyed and angry Eddie was getting, he hates it when people diss his family and think that they can get away from it.

  “We’re gonna be back in a moment, I think someone needs at Christopher hug.” Buck excuses himself and Eddie, wanting to give his boyfriend the moment he needed to regain his thoughts and talk to his son. Nothing will ever sooth more than having a huge hug from his adorable son.

  By the time that they’re gone, Maddie is back and throws the coats at Margaret and Phillip, there are tears burning in her eyes but she looks much calmer than before.  “I’ll show you out.” Maddie’s voice is clipped and rough when she speaks, and she doesn’t give either of her parents any time to respond before she tells them to hurry up; urging them to the door. She throws the door open angrily and holds it, watching with eyes so cold as ice until her parents are out of the door.

  “Oh by the way!” Maddie calls out, a small and barely noticeable smirk on her face when her parents turn around to face their daughter. Maddie is leaning against the doorframe, a hand on her belly when she speaks again. “Now is a great time to let you know that I’m bisexual.” She admits, something that she had dreaded for so long in doing seeming easy, because no matter what they think she has a family who will support and love her no matter what. A brother and a partner who love her unconditionally, people who will always watch her back. And when her father opens his mouth, that angered look back on his face does Maddie slam the door with a smile.

  She turns around with that same smile on her face, only to jump back in freight and slap a hand over her chest when she sees Buck standing there with arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his face. “I thought you wanted to wait to tell them?” He questions, and Maddie can only find herself shrugging her shoulders with a sigh as he moves and pulls her brother into a tight hug that he easily returns. “I did, but then I thought fuck it. Might as well.” It was simple to Maddie really, because as long as she had her brother and Chimney by her side she wasn’t scared of what her parents would do or say anymore.

[finnyboywolfhard]

‘Tis the Damn Season

Steve Harrington x Reader

summary: based roughly on ‘tis the damn season by Taylor Swift. Reader comes home for the holidays after two years of being away.

warnings: cursing, angst, fluff

a/n: literally less than a minute into me hearing the song for the first time, I knew I needed to write this so pls enjoy ❤️

word count: 2.2k

Y/N loved going to school away from Hawkins. Getting to experience a life away from the small town that sucked the life from her and drained her happiness after a while. It had been almost two years since she had made the journey from her state school in California back to Indiana. It wasn’t like she didn’t miss her family, but it was just easier, and in all honesty better for her to stay there all year round. There was inevitably downfalls to that, having to work a full time job and also go to school, most holidays were spent alone and she had no idea what was happening in the lives of her old friends or her family for that matter. They would come visit every so often and there was frequent phone calls but it was never enough.

“Knock, knock!” Y/N said as she opened the door, her mom flying from the kitchen to wrap her daughter in her arms. 

“Oh how I’ve missed squeezing you!” Her mom said through a squished face. The girl started laughing at her mother’s reaction. The two exchanged small talk while they waltzed from the front door back to the kitchen. 

“So what’s new in the world of Hawkins?” Y/N said pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting at her kitchen table, glancing to her mom every few movements. 

“Same old, same old, not much happens and not much changes. Mrs. Click retired last year, I know how much you loved her class.” The girls mind was flooded with memories of him. Steve Harrington, her first and maybe only love. She thought of all the times he would arrive to class late and then sloppily eat his bagel while Mrs.Click was trying her best to pull nearly every girls attention away from him. Maybe that’s why Y/N attracted him, she never stared the same way every girl did. 

“Maybe I’ll send her a letter or call her to see if she’d want to chat sometime. Anything else? Any new couples?:

“That Robin Buckley came home last Christmas with a girlfriend.”

“Wait she finally came out to her parents?” 

“You knew?” 

“Uh, yeah. I’ve known since the whole mall fiasco.” Her mother stayed silent as she continued to move with ease around the ever so familiar kitchen.

“Do you want to settle back in or would you want to come to the store with me?” 

“I can go with you, let me go change into something else, I’ve been in these clothes since I left LA.’’ The girl ran up to her old bedroom, grabbing the suitcases from the bottom of the steps were she had left them. As she entered the room, she was hit with a wave of memories. Pictures of Y/N and Steve covered her walls, she let out a sigh. 

 I won't ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay.

 “Y/N, stop, you’re being over dramatic.”

“Steve! No I’m not! I got into my dream school, where I’ve wanted to go for practically my entire life. You’re not supporting me!”

“It’s not that i don’t support you, I don’t want you to leave!”

“We can do the distance! We can call and i will come back for breaks, we can write letters! We can make it work, I don’t want to chose between you or my dream.” 

“Well I want you to.”

“Steve…”

“Y/N chose.”

“Then leave Steve.” 

Sure, Y/N could pretend that the reason she didn’t come home was because she would see Steve and become overwhelmed by everything that happened between them. Sure she could pretend that she doesn’t still think of him every single day. Sure she could pretend that if Steve asked she would do anything for him. But she wouldn’t let herself. She did what was going to be best for her future. He didn’t matter if he didn’t support that. Her mind snapped back to what she was supposed to be doing. 

“Shit.” She mumbled to herself as she realized how long she must have been zoned out for. She got dressed and ran downstairs. Her mom was standing at the door, placing items into her purse. 

“You ready?” She glanced at her daughter who was pantin from how quickly she tried to get down the stairs. 

“Yup!” The two piled into the car and began driving through town. Y/N shivered, no longer being acquainted with the colder weather that seemed permanent in Hawkins. 

 It’s the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass, But I felt it when i passed you, There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me

 Y/N attention was brought back to reality as they drove past the Family Video and he was outside getting into his car. The two made eye contact as the car moved past, the eye contact remaining unbroken until they physically could not see each other anymore. She felt a tension in her chest, he looked so good, but he also looked hurt. He didn’t have that same spark that drew her to him in the first place. And it shattered her to know that it was her fault. 

“Taking in the sights?“

“Mom!” Y/N yelled out of embarrassment 

“Oh please,. Rumor has it he hasn’t gone out with anyone since you left. He’s apparently turned down every girl that’s asked him out.”

“I mean, i haven't dated anyone since I've left either. I’ve gone on dates but nothing but flings.’ 

“Maybe you should reach out.’

“Yeah, sure.” She rolled her eyes and her mom changed the conversation to something about her dad. For the rest of the night, she just spent as much time as she could attached to every member of her family’s hip. These moments were making her regret not coming back sooner a little more. 

 Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

 She found her way back to her bedroom and found a photo of her and Steve that one of the kids took. 

“Steve!” The girl giggled out as the boy pulled her tightly to his body, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek. Through her fit of giggles, his smile still shone brighter than her own. To Y/N, anything he did was brighter than hers and she was more than alright with that. Everything he did was perfect, he was the dream boyfriend. She loved each and every inch of him, no matter how often he annoyed her or how often he would say something that made little to no sense, it didn’t matter. If it was Steve, it was perfect. 

“What? You don’t want my kisses?” He faked a pout. She rolled her eyes and turned her face to look at him and touch her lips to his own. His eyes gleefully filled up with joy and he overdramatically said “you want my kisses!’

‘I’ll always want your kisses.” She said smiling, and he smiled back making pristine eye contact, only a flash tore their attention away from one another.

She pulled her eyes away from the photo in her hand, setting it down where she had just picked it up. She put her pajamas on and got comfy in her old bed. 

When she woke up the next morning, for some reason something was calling her to just go for a drive. 

 I parkеd my car right between the Methodist And thе school that used to be ours

 She drove around the town observing all of the vaguely familiar settings, remembering each moment she had connected to the setting. As she parked her car a little down from the high school, she focused on her breathing for the first time in a while. She got out of her drivers seat and out of the car, grabbed a book from her backseat and went to sit on the lawn sprawled beside her. As she walked down the hill, she noticed a figure. As she approached, the figure became clearer and clearer. Steve. 

“Hey.” She called out to him, his head snapped up to look at her standing over him. 

“Hey Y/N, long time no see.”

“Two years.” She said, she waved her hand a bit to ask if she could sit next to him and he nodded his head yes before he continued. 

“How have you been?’ 

“Good! Busy as hell, but good. What about you Stevie?” The nickname slipped out without much thought at all. 

“I’ve been doing my best. I am now manager at Family Video, Keith left.”

“Damn, for real?’ He nodded his head yes and she shook hers in disbelief. “I heard about Rob’s girlfriend. Well, I heard that she had one.’ 

“Oh! Yeah! Her name is Marie and she’s really nice. They’re a good match, she’s just as smart as Robin, I can barely keep up with them.” 

“Who could realistically ever keep up with Robin, let alone Robin and someone just like her.” The two let out dry laughs, which helped to relax some of the weird tension between the two. 

“How long are you here?”

“Just for the holidays, I’m only staying with my parents until the second week of January.” 

“Ahh.” The tone of his voice switched to one much sadder. The air hung still, neither of their voices filling the space anymore. She spoke before she could think. 

“Would you wanna drive around later? Look at lights? For old times sake?” She looked at him with pleading, hopeful eyes. He looked back at her, searching her face to make sure it wasn’t a joke. 

“Uhh, yeah. I mean...I’m meeting Robin and Marie at like 9 to hang out for a little bit, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you tagged along.” 

“I don’t want to intrude.’

“You’re not intruding if I’m inviting you Y/N/N.” For a moment, it felt like the past. It was as if they teleported back to when things weren’t like they were now. But what’s stopping them from letting things be like the past while she’s home? The only heart that would be breaking even more would be hers. 

 We could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend, ‘tis the damn season 

 He rang the doorbell a little after eight, and she rushed to her door before any of her family. She yelled out a goodbye and they walked out the door and over to his car. 

‘So, school? How is that?”

“It’s hell, but what else was to be expected.” 

“And you’re still a film major? Nothing has changed?”

“Yes sir, still a film major.’

“You’d be impressed, I am starting to actually remember the names of movies!’

“That’s a big step for you, consider me proud.”

“Thanks babe.” It slipped out of his mouth without a thought. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that it just kinda came out.” She let her hand reach out and rest on his thigh. 

“It’s okay, we call each other babe for the time being, no big deal.” 

‘Tis the damn season.” Steve let out in a huffed breath. The two kept chatting and the car got more and more comfortable, they fell into their old rhythm. It felt like the road she chose to go down, didn’t ruin everything. He pulled up to the diner they were meeting Robin and her girlfriend at and sat patiently in Steve’s car. Their heads were leaning back against the head rests and they were looking into each other’s eyes. He reaches over and grazes her face. She pulls in a breath as he shows her the eyelash now sitting atop his finger. 

‘Make your wish.” He said gently, she closed her eyes to think for a second and blew the eyelash from his finger softly. She looked back up into his eyes and smiled. The neon lights shone down from the sign through his windshield and grazed his face, framing it and shaping it with a red hue. He looked angelic. 

‘What’re you thinking about?” Steve asked quietly, not entirely sure why he was being so quiet. 

“Nothing.” She said, trying to push past the feelings building inside her. She fakes a smile. 

“Don’t do that, you know I can tell when you’re lying. What’re you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about how beautiful you look and how much i want to kiss you, but I know I shouldn’t.”

“Maybe that’s the reason why you should.” He reaches his hand over to cup her cheek, rubbing his thumb against her cheek as her leans closer. Their lips meet in the middle, colliding with a gentle passion that filled Y/N with relief. Although the pain of the past hung around like old perfume, it seemed to be patched by this kiss. His lips were plump and soft, his hands against her skin were rough but tender. He fit with her perfectly, and there was no one on earth who she likes kissing more. As they pulled apart, their eyes never lost contact. 

It didn’t matter in that moment that she was leaving again in a month, or the fact that Robin had gotten there in the middle. Nothing mattered in that minute. Because all of those moments where they missed one another were mended right now. And somehow, even though she chose a different path, it still led her to her hometown. It led her to Steve.

[diazbuckleyeddie]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Bobby Nash, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Football | Soccer, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Evan Buckley’s parents suck, Mentors, soccer as a mindfulness tool, they work in the uk, so it’s football in the fic… Series: Part 18 of Buddie tropetember 2021, Part 1 of Buddie Soccer Tales Summary:

Tropetember day 21 (sort of) competitive partners sort of turned into competitors on the same soccer team who then fall in love….

This is also the prequel to my fic Soccer For You, the story of how Buck and Eddie got together in that universe.

****

And then his first team debut came and he shot into the spotlight.  He was talented, good looking, everyone went crazy for him.  Buck worked hard and learnt from every single game.  It was a surprise to no one when he was named captain, under the new head coach Bobby Nash.  The youngest captain of the first team at Shenley Rovers, ever, but the fans loved him and life was great.

Buck was on the top of everything, happy, settled, a fantastic career.  Sure, his love life sucked, after dating one of the team administrators, Abby, for a while, he’d been alone.  But he didn’t need a partner, he was committed to his career.  Everything was great.

And then Eddie Diaz turned up and changed everything.

[captain--sif]

Lift me up

Words: 5.5k Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley Additional Tags: minor Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, minor Eddie Diaz & Christopher Diaz, Trapped In Elevator, Elevatorstuck, Elevators, Flirting, Pining, Alternate Universe - Apartment Building, 5+1 Things, beta read by grammarly, Fluff, no angsty elevator drama, No Angst, just waiting Summary:

 They are both intently staring at the lights changing from one number to the next. Then the elevator comes to a halt and Buck assumes he’ll soon be alone. But instead of pushing away from the wall, the other man is just furrowing his brows. Then Buck realizes the door isn’t opening. His eyes flit back to the current story: Four. That’s not where any of them wanted to get off. Buck groans. “I think we’re stuck.” Buck laughs a humorless laugh. “Shit.”

Buck gets stuck in his apartment building's broken elevator with his good-looking neighbor from the sixth floor.

for @lydiabennetts whose fault it is that I wrote this fic. All the descriptions of being stuck in an elevator are based off of my own experiences. I obviously can't talk for all elevators 🤣

Read the full fic on AO3, wattpad or under the cut.

It’s late , is all Buck is thinking when he’s opening the door to his apartment building. I promised Maddie I’d be on time.

He’s cursing his boss internally.

For a second, he’s contemplating taking the stairs as he knows he’d be faster running up the stairs than waiting for the elevator. But then he’d probably have to shower and he really doesn’t have the time to do that right now.

So he trots to the elevator instead, pushing the button more than just a few times for good measure.

“I don’t think it makes the elevator come down here faster,” a male voice says and when Buck looks up there’s an amused smile curling around the lips of the man who’s coming towards him.

Buck recognizes him: About as tall as him, short brown hair, probably a few years older, decently attractive (not that Buck has been looking). He thinks he’s living a story or two below him. Buck instantly resents him for the comment.

“It doesn’t hurt either,” Buck replies and sees the other man recoil at his sour tone. It’s probably immature but Buck doesn’t care. Why should he care about what some neighbor thinks of him? All he cares about at the moment is not to get late to Maddie’s.

The elevator doors slide open and Buck pushes the button with the number eight in passing, paying his neighbor no mind. He enters just behind Buck, pressing the six. Buck’s gloating a little internally over being right. Childish, yes.

He leans back against the wall of the elevator, his neighbor doing the same on his right. There’s not much space in these city apartment elevators.

They are both intently staring at the lights changing from one number to the next. Then the elevator comes to a halt and Buck assumes he’ll soon be alone. But instead of pushing away from the wall, the other man is just furrowing his brows. Then Buck realizes the door isn’t opening. His eyes flit back to the current story: Four. That’s not where any of them wanted to get off. Buck groans.

“I think we’re stuck.”

Buck laughs a humorless laugh. “Shit.”

His neighbor steps towards the panel, presses and holds the emergency button. The tone it makes when it connects is obnoxious, but it doesn’t keep Buck’s thoughts from drifting away. He’ll be late to Maddie’s , is all he can think. Again.

“Please try putting your flat hands on the door and pushing it closed,” the person on the other side instructs them, and his neighbor steps towards the door to do as told. Buck watches but nothing happens. He sighs in frustration. Maddie will kill him.

“I’ve sent a technician your way. They’ll be at your place in around an hour to an hour and a half, depending on traffic. Is everything okay healthwise?”

His neighbor looks at Buck, who nods dumbly. He’s okay. He’s just gonna be at Maddie’s an hour late. He thumps his head against the wall behind him.

The worker disconnects and Buck’s neighbor looks at him. “Better tell that person you were rushing to that you’re late. Let me guess: Girlfriend? Parents? ”

Buck shakes his head.

“Boss?” he guesses again.

“Sister,” Buck replies and slides down to sit on the floor. The other man’s eyes follow him.

He takes out his phone, searches for Maddie’s contact and calls her.

 “You’re late because you’re stuck in the elevator?” Maddie asks him incredulously and Buck starts to relax. She’s not mad she’s… laughing at him.

“Please laugh at my misery,” he quips, which only makes her laugh more.

Shifting to a more serious tone she asks: “But you’re okay?”

Buck answers in the affirmative and then proceeds to roll his eyes when she proceeds to fuss around his well-being. His neighbor huffs a laugh at that.

“I’m hanging up now,” Buck warns her. More softly: “But I’ll come around later.”

He lowers the phone.

“How much time remains?” he asks.

His neighbor looks at his watch. “At least forty minutes.”

Buck sighs.

“You got something with you to do during that time? A book?”

Buck lifts his phone with a smirk. “The internet is right here.”

His neighbor laughs and maybe Buck doesn’t resent him anymore. He has a nice smile. Buck wouldn’t mind looking at it for a while longer.

Then he takes out his own phone. “I guess I could play some games on my phone too.”

Buck raises his eyebrows. “You don’t look like someone who plays mobile games.”

The furrowed brows from earlier are back and Buck misses his smile. “I don’t know which way to take that.”

Then he adds: “Everyone plays mobile games.”

Now it’s Buck’s turn to furrow his brows. “They do?”

His neighbor laughs again.

It’s silent for a while and Buck starts scrolling through social media. They sit in companionable silence until the voice from earlier breaks it.

“Are you still feeling well?”

They do, they assure them and they disconnect again. Another twenty to fifty minutes. Buck sighs.

The other man lowers himself to sit down on the floor next to him, putting his phone down on the ground.

“So,” he starts, “you’re gonna go to your sister after we’re out of here?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice that you live so close to each other.”

“Yeah, it is,” Buck agrees, “It’s nice to have her around.”

“I have two sisters myself,” his neighbor shares, “they still live in El Paso, where my parents live. I don’t see them very often.”

Buck nods. “Maddie’s only recently moved here but it’s been nice. Having family near.”

He gets a nod in reply.

Then it’s silent again.

The voice checks in with them a few more times before the elevator finally starts moving again.

“Have a nice evening with your sister,” his neighbor wishes him when he gets off on the sixth floor.

“You too,” Buck replies when the doors close.

He calls Maddie again. “The elevator’s moving. I’ll be there soon.”

   Buck’s on his way to work. He’s not running late but he also doesn’t have a whole lot of time to catch his bus. The usual.

The elevator is stopping on the sixth floor and Buck’s heart stops, thinking the elevator broke again. But then the doors open and one of his neighbors from the sixth floor is walking into the elevator. The neighbor he was actually stuck with. Buck laughs to himself.

“What’s so funny?” his neighbor asks, amusement playing around his lips. It’s the same expression that made Buck resent him initially. Buck’s come to appreciate it now.

“Ah, nothing,” Buck replies sheepishly.

“On your way to work?”

Buck nods.

“Me too.”

The doors close, and they’re moving. But not for long.

Buck looks at the lights in disbelief, then at his neighbor, who’s matching his expression. Only the scowl is new.

Buck waves at him. “You know the drill,” he says, and his neighbor gets to work on the door.

Again, nothing happens, so he presses and holds the emergency button.

The call connects and they go through all the steps again, the person on the other side reminding them that the crazy scenes they see in movies won’t happen and that they are totally safe. That the elevator can’t fall. 

A technician will be there in an hour.

“I felt safer before the reminder,” Buck comments once they disconnect.

His neighbor laughs and again, Buck is quite pleased with himself.

Then he slides off his jacket, laying it on the floor, and pushes up the sleeves of his shirt over his forearms, before sitting down on the jacket.

Buck shrugs and sits down on his side of the elevator.

His neighbor turns to him. “If this becomes a pattern it might be nice to know each other’s names. I’m Eddie.”

“Buck,” Buck replies, and “it’s not a pattern yet.”

Eddie lifts his brows.

“One’s chance,” Buck recounts, “two’s coincidence, three’s a pattern. We’re at two now.”

Eddie laughs at him, and Buck is reminded why he started liking it.

“We’re on our best way to make it a pattern though,” he points out and Buck replies with a shrug.

Eddie leans his head against the elevator wall behind him. “I’ll have to call in late to work.”

At this reminder, Buck mimics him. “Oh shit,” slips out of his mouth, “me too.”

They both get out their phones to do the calls and Buck thinks that, no matter how much it sucks to call your boss, their calls will at least pass some time. It’s better than to just sit around and do nothing.

After they finish their calls, they sit around in silence for a few minutes, fiddling with their phones and staring at the walls.

“Ah!” Buck exclaims excitedly, “I downloaded a mobile game.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, questioningly. “You did?”

Sheepishly Buck ducks his head, both at his not very subtle attempt at doing conversation, as well as the confession he was about to make. “The last time we were stuck in this elevator…”

Eddie huffs a laugh at that.

“... you said everyone played them. And well, I hadn’t so far. So I did some research.”

Eddie widens his eyes incredulously. “You did research? On mobile games?”

“Shut up,” Buck laughs, ”it’s not my area of expertise.”

Eddie shakes his head.

“So I downloaded Hay Day.”

“You downloaded Hay Day.” Eddie seems to ponder over it. Then he tilts his head. “Do you like it?”

“It’s surprisingly fun,” Buck admits, “but I don’t like the long waiting times.”

“Yeah,” Eddie huffs, “that’s how they try to get your money.”

“ Right? ” Buck latches onto it. “Why make the game free if you’re gonna charge for everything anyway? Just make people pay for it up front!”

“I can’t believe people spend thousands of dollars on that.” Eddie shakes his head. “But I assume that is exactly the reason. How much does a game cost on a console? Maybe sixty dollars, possibly eighty. They can [probably] get a lot more this way.”

“Yeah. I still prefer consoles. You can keep your mobile games.”

Eddie opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again before a word can leave it. Instead, he chuckles.

“I hope your meeting with your sister was nice the other night.”

Buck furrows his brows at that obvious change of subject but it’s not more sudden than his exclamation about mobile games earlier, so he goes along.

“It was,” he reassures Eddie, “Maddie is a big fan of wine and I’ve been getting cooking lessons, so we’ve made it a thing of proving our knowledge to each other. I’m choosing the recipe to prove I can indeed cook, and she chooses a fitting wine to prove she knows her wine.”

“Does it work?” Eddie asks and Buck shrugs.

“Most of the time.” He laughs. 

They jolt when the voice comes back through the speakers to check in with them and inform them of the technician's progress.

Buck starts laughing once they disconnect, Eddie joining in soon.

Once they calmed down, Eddie worries his lip with his teeth.

“I’m not a good cook,” he admits, “it’s one of the things my parents have always been criticizing.”

Buck shoots him a sympathetic glance, extending his legs for as far as possible in the small elevator.

“I haven’t been until recently either.” A shrug. “And if I was still talking to mine, they’d have probably bugged me about it too. But it’s been fun to learn.”

Contemplating, he tilts his head. “You say that like they criticize you a lot.” 

Eddie huffs. “Yeah. I don’t think I can do anything right in their eyes.” He shrugs. “But I don’t wanna bore you with that.”

“Oh, you aren’t,” Buck rushes. For a second, none of them speaks. “Is that why you moved so far away from them?”

“One of the reasons,” Eddie nods and Buck can’t help but nod along.

“Yeah.”

It feels shorter this time, surprising them both when the emergency worker connects to tell them the technician is there and will soon get the elevator to work again.

They get up, slowly, collecting their things, stretching their limbs. It moves, and they both exhale in relief, sharing a smile.

“Let’s not make this a pattern,” Buck says when they leave, though he has the suspicion that he doesn’t quite mean it.

Eddie laughs at that and shoots him an “I’ll see you around.” when they part ways in front of their apartment building.

    Bread, Buck thinks. Mayonnaise. Cucumber. Eggs. The elevator doors slide open and Buck goes over his grocery list another time while stepping inside and pressing the zero button. Bread. Mayonnaise. Cucumber. Eggs.

The doors close after him, then opening up again as soon as they touch the other side of the door frame.

Buck groans, stepping towards the panel again and pressing down on the “Close door” one.

It closes and Buck leans against the wall at the other end of the elevator, closing his eyes and waiting for all eight floors to pass by.

But then the door opens again and Buck really wishes he had taken the stairs today. He’s about to get out of the elevator to do so after all when he hears someone with crutches coming into the elevator and opens his eyes to see his neighbor, Eddie , coming in.

Eddie looks tense, subtly, but Buck is good at reading people and associated with the crutches he heard, he’s about to ask if Eddie’s okay.

But then he looks down and his eyes land on a small boy. His hair is longer and a lot lighter than Eddie’s but the resemblance is nevertheless unmistakable.

Before he can think better of it, he blurts out: “I didn’t know you had a son.”

Of course he didn’t. Despite being stuck together in this same elevator twice, they are still nothing more than strangers who live in the same apartment building. Neighbors who know each other’s names. Buck doesn’t know where this is coming from.

He doesn’t miss how Eddie’s jaw tenses and Buck fears he may have just ruined the tentative friendship? Acquaintanceship? That they formed during their conversations in the elevator.

“That’s Christopher,” Eddie says nevertheless, and then to the boy: “Chris, this is Buck. He lives on the eighth floor.”

“Ah, is he the one you were stuck with in here?”

“Yes,” Eddie agrees, “that’s the one.”

Buck chuckles at that. “I hope I don’t become known as the one people get stuck in elevators with.”

“You got stuck in the elevator with someone else too?” Eddie asks, his tone subdued. Buck thinks something is up with him but he doesn’t know Eddie well enough to feel confident asking about it.

“No,” Buck laughs self-consciously, “but I think I may have just jinxed it.”

As if on demand, the elevator stops moving.

Eddie’s eyes flit to the ceiling and then back to Buck. “I think you just did.”

“Are we stuck?” Christopher asks. 

“Seems like it, buddy.” Eddie is ruffling his hair and Buck’s melting because of the softness in Eddie’s voice.

Buck pushes away from the wall. “So, the usual steps.”

Eddie nods, but before he can reply, Christopher asks: “What are the usual steps?”

“May I?” Buck asks, waiting for Eddie's assent to pass the two of them and put his hands on the door. Christopher’s eyes follow him, so once he’s got his hands in place, he half-turns to look at the boy. “Now I just have to push the door closed.”

Christopher watches as Buck follows up on his words.

Buck doesn’t expect it to change anything, and in fact, it doesn’t, but Christopher’s face lights up when he asks if he can try too. So Buck makes room for him by the door and helps him push after Christopher has given his crutches to his dad to hold.

“Nothing happens,” Christopher states afterwards, disappointment evident in his voice.

“It hasn’t the last two times either. But it’s worth trying.” Buck shrugs and then looks back to Eddie, checking that he’s not overstepping. He’s happy to find a small smile playing on the other man’s lips, the tension from earlier missing in his shoulders.

Christopher motions for his crutches again and Eddie’s quickly handing them over.

When Buck’s leaning back against one of the walls again, his eyes fall on the emergency button.

“I think we should…” he starts, making Eddie follow his line of sight.

Eddie huffs a breath. “Yeah…”

Now it’s Buck who’s standing closer to the elevator panel, so it’s him who steps towards it and presses down, waiting for the call to connect.

He’s answering the usual questions: how many people are inside, if they tried closing the door, how they’re feeling. Buck thinks about how it’s starting to become a routine.

That’s when Eddie says: “I think I’m allowed to call it a pattern now.”

Buck nearly chokes on his laugh.

“No no,” he argues, “the variables have clearly changed. It’s two times I’ve been stuck in an elevator with you, and one time I’ve been stuck in an elevator with you and your son. That doesn’t make three.”

“I assume you don’t have a college degree because you clearly failed math,” Eddie quips and Buck laughs, again.

“I can’t even object to that because I did fail math in college.”

“I’m good at math,” Christopher pipes up, “I got an A on all tests this year.”

“Impressive,” Buck nods in recognition. “You like math?”

“Yes. It’s my favorite subject.”

Christopher talks about it with glee in his eyes and Eddie’s features are equally soft while listening until they contort in a way that is best described by “Oh shit” .

He fumbles for his phone while addressing Buck: “Do you have anyone you have to inform that you’ll be late?”

“Oh no,” Buck shrugs, “I’m just on my way to buy groceries.”

Eddie nods. “I’m gonna have to…” He motions to his phone.

“Yeah, sure.”

Buck and Christopher patiently wait for Eddie to talk to whoever’s on the other side of the line, describing their situation and how long it’ll probably take them.

“I’ll text you if anything changes,” he ends with. There seems to be assent from the other person because soon after they’re disconnecting.

“So,” Buck asks, “who were you supposed to meet?” He thinks of Eddie’s questions the first time they found themselves in this situation. “ Wife? ” he corrects the voice in his head with a thought to Chris.

“Ex-wife,” Eddie answers abashedly.

“Dad is bringing me to mom, so I can spend the weekend with her and grandma,” Christopher shares excitedly.

“Shannon and I divorced two years ago,” Eddie feels the need to explain, “she’s caring for her sick mother, so we decided Chris would stay with me most of the time. Makes it easier for all of us.”

Buck nods. “You seem to have a good relationship with her.”

“We’re trying,” Eddie says with a half-smile, “for Chris.”

“It’s nice,” Buck reiterates, “my sister and her ex-husband split on really bad terms. And let me tell you, that sucks. For everyone involved.”

He swallows, then adds: “So it’s really great that you’re doing the effort for him.”

It’s then that the emergency worker reconnects for the usual check-in.

Afterwards, Eddie offers his phone to Christopher to play some games.

“What are you playing?” Buck asks the boy.

“Hay Day,” Christopher replies, concentrating on the game in front of him.

Buck shoots an amused look towards Eddie who seems to have reverted to his earlier state of discomfort and avoids meeting his eye.

Weird , Buck thinks and hopes he didn’t cause it by asking Christopher about his game.

He makes another try, “Cool! I recently started playing it too.”

“Really?” Christopher looks up at him, beaming, “what’s your farm’s level?”

“Oh, I barely just started, It’s only level thirteen.”

“Mine’s level 47. Look.” Christopher turns the phone over, so Buck can look at his little digital farm.

Buck chances another glance at Eddie, now leaning back and more or less relaxed. Confusing . Buck would love to figure him out.

Conversation comes easy for the rest of their stay. A little tenseness remains in his features but other than that he’s either sharing things with Buck himself or observing Chris talking to Buck. Soon enough, they get out of the elevator, into the corridor on the ground floor. Buck gets the door and holds it open for the two of them. He sees them walking towards a car on one of the parking lots in front of the building, Chris climbing in first. Eddie turns around and looks at Buck, so Buck seizes the moment to walk up to him.

“He’s a great kid,” he says, then follows it up with, “I love kids.”

Eddie smiles. He dips his head towards his car. “I love this one.”

Buck laughs and skips away to finally get his grocery shopping done.

   “Keep the door open for me!” somebody calls out from the corridor and Buck would be lying if he said he didn’t recognize the voice. Instantly, he puts his hand in front of the sensor and, sure enough, Eddie hurries around the corner. He’s alone again and greets Buck with a smile as soon as he sees him.

“Thank you,” he pants.

“In a hurry?” Buck asks him, as the doors close behind him.

Eddie huffs. “No. I just don’t trust the elevator to come back down for me.”

Buck laughs. “Fair point.” After a contemplative dip of his head: “Probably wise, too.”

“We really need a new elevator,” Eddie sighs, “I don’t know what I’m doing with Chris if it breaks down with someone else inside and we have to take the stairs.”

It comes as a surprise to no one when the elevator comes to a halt. Buck and Eddie look at each other.

“Speak of the devil,” Buck breathes.

“I’m starting to think hell might as well actually be a broken elevator.” Eddie sighs.

Buck laughs. “Am I really that bad?”

Eddie’s eyes shoot up to his, red color flooding his cheeks. “I’d rather have met you in a different way but I do like the company.”

Then let’s meet somewhere else , Buck thinks but discards the thought as fast as it came up. He’s not even sure what he meant to offer.

Instead, he changes the topic: “Shall I try the door or do you want to?”

Eddie takes a dazed look at the door behind him before nodding in assent. “I can do it.”

Buck nods and proceeds to watch Eddie while he rolls up his shirt sleeves, puts his hands on the door and pushes it towards the opening. He leans back, expecting the elevator to stay as still as ever.

But for the first time, it actually starts moving again.

Buck nearly jumps in surprise and Eddie continues to stare blankly at the door that his hands are still touching.

Disappointment overcomes Buck and he can’t help but question where that feeling is coming from.

“We didn’t even have to call for the technician.” Eddie’s voice betrays the same feelings that Buck is feeling: confusion and a strange tint of disappointment, and Buck is relieved that he’s not the only one feeling that way.

Still, he got no time to mull that over before the elevator stops on the sixth floor. Eddie’s floor. The other man goes through the door as soon as it opens, but turns around to say goodbye.

Buck could swear Eddie is still standing in front of the elevator and looking at him when the doors are already closing. He tries not to think about it.

   “Are you sure we shouldn’t just take the stairs?” Maddie asks, eyeing the elevator warily.

Buck rolls his eyes while setting down the bags he was carrying. “Sure, if you want to carry all of this, for eight full stories , then please do.”

She sighs as Buck presses the needed button, waiting for the doors to close.

Buck hears the doors open up again after having slid halfway closed; informing him that one of his neighbors is about to step into the elevator with them.

“I don’t trust your elevator not to break down on us.”

Buck huffs. Turning around and seeing that it’s Eddie who joined them, his brows furrowed, Buck decides to reply to his sister’s statement after all. “You might be onto something.”

Buck feels her perking up at that and stepping towards the unfamiliar man.

“So you’re Eddie,” it’s not really a question, and Buck winces. Maddie, unbothered, puts down her own grocery bag and reaches out her right hand to shake his. “I’m Maddie.”

A smile breaks onto Eddie’s face as he takes it “Ah, the infamous sister.”

Maddie nods, pleased. Buck isn’t quite sure what is happening.

“Is it one of your Wine and Dine sibling evenings?” Eddie follows up.

“Yes,” Maddie points at the bag they just set down, “we just came back from the supermarket. Now it’s time to cook.”

“What are you making?”

Buck started to feel like a fifth wheel but now Eddie is unmistakably looking at him.

“Coq au vin.”

Eddie lifts his eyebrows, looking impressed. “Sounds fancy.”

Buck laughs. “We’ll see. I haven’t really tried this recipe yet.”

He means to add another joke about his amateur skills, capitalizing upon Eddie’s demeanor having shifted back to the light-hearted and relaxed state he was in the first few times they met.

He doesn’t expect Maddie to ask: “You want to join us?”

Buck’s choking on his own saliva, trying to send a death glare towards his sister without making Eddie think he dislikes the idea of spending more time with him. He doesn’t. He just doesn’t like Maddie springing this on him without any warning.

Whatever the outcome he’ll have a bone to pick with her.

Even though the color rises into Eddie’s cheek, he keeps his composure. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” he apologizes, “my son is waiting for me at home. And I wouldn’t want to impose on your family time anyway.”

Maddie nods empathetically and shrugs, “maybe next time.”

Buck is so going to kill her for this.

Of course, that’s when the elevator stops moving.

Buck just rolls his eyes while Eddie sighs in exasperation. “You spoke too soon.”

“I didn’t speak this into existence,” Buck teases, “our elevator just sucks.”

The corners of Eddie’s mouth tick up but frustration [leeches] into his smile, “Truer words were never spoken.”

Buck takes note of his sister observing them with something that can only be described as apt fascination while they go through the usual steps to alert the emergency center and get out of this elevator as soon as possible.

“You make quite the team,” she remarks when the emergency worker disconnects.

Eddie shrugs and Buck is surprised that he can recognize that the nonchalance is only pretended, “I guess that’s just a given when this has now happened the fifth time in a row.”

“And it’s always you two?”

Eddie nods and Buck knows it’s a mistake as soon as he sees Maddie’s face.

She shrugs, so faux-casual that Buck doesn’t think even a stranger could miss it, and says: “If I were you, I’d start asking myself if the universe was trying to tell me something.”

“Well, your brother ,” Eddie starts and Buck realizes in alarm that he likes this turn of events even less, “thinks it’s not really a pattern because we haven’t quite been fully stuck in here for at least three times just the two of us.”

Maddie laughs and Eddie smirks at Buck, pleased.

“Now it’s your math that’s skewed,” Buck quips back, “I’m pretty sure we reached the three times just last week.”

“Oh?” Eddie lifts his eyebrows in question, the smile still on his lips, “We didn’t even get to call the emergency call center. You don’t consider that a variable change?”

“That depends on what we define that the action is. If it’s us having to wait for a technician to free us, then yes. If it’s just the elevator breaking down while we’re inside, it’s a no.”

“You never fail to surprise me,” Eddie says and Buck doesn’t think he imagines the fondness reflected on his face and in his voice.

Before he can help himself, he’s winked at him.

Once he realizes what he’s done, he refuses to look at his sister. He can feel her smugness anyway.

“I hear you have a kid,” Maddie asks then, and Buck is happy for the change of conversation before she adds: “Buck loves kids. He’s really good with them.”

“Yeah, he met Christopher already. They have a lot in common.”

Buck gapes at him in mock-offense. “It’s Hay Day! You told me that everyone played Hay Day!”

Now it’s Eddie who winks at him and Buck doesn’t think he’ll get out of the elevator alive this time.

By the time the technician arrives, Buck’s flustered and embarrassed and more than glad to get a breathing pause from the quick succession of bantering with Eddie and teasing from his sister that he’s been subjected to for the last hour. He hopes the last part has been subtle enough for Eddie not to pick up on the full extent of it but Eddie’s attentive, so he can’t say he’s positive.

“He’s cute,” Maddie remarks as they leave the elevator, “and he definitely likes you.”

Buck tries very hard to ignore her, but she’s his sister… She knows all his weak spots.

   There’s a moving van parked in front of his apartment building when he comes home and at first, he doesn’t think anything of it. He has a lot of neighbors and he doesn’t even know most of them. It’s not uncommon for someone to move out or someone new to move in. They do it all the time.

The elevator isn’t working - to no one’s surprise - so Buck takes the stairs. He comes across quite a few people carrying boxes, some smaller, some bigger and he winces in sympathy for whoever’s moving.

When he finally arrives on the sixth floor - only two more to go- he sees that it’s Eddie directing them and his heart stops. 

As quickly as the feeling overcame him, he’s waving it away. Being stranded in their elevator together for a few times does not mean they’re friends or - anything else, really. He’s got no rights to feeling like this.

But he can’t help walking towards Eddie anyway. He figures he can at least say goodbye to him and maybe - maybe even offer his help.

His heart constricts when he sees relief washing over Eddie’s face once he sees him. 

“Buck!” he waves him over. “I hoped to catch you once more before I left.”

“You’re moving?” Buck asks and winces at how sad he sounds. You got no right to feel like this.

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes, “they refuse to repair the elevator and with Chris, it’s just - it’s not working anymore. We needed a new place with a working elevator.”

“I uh, I get that.” And Buck really does.

He pushes a smile on his face and motions to the object of their talk. “So as our good friend the elevator failed you another time, do you possibly need help carrying those boxes?”

Eddie returns his smile but shakes his head. “I wanted to talk to you about something else, actually.”

Buck thinks there’s nervousness laced into Eddie’s features but he’s so high strung himself that he doesn’t trust himself to interpret the signs correctly.

He nods, unable to speak and Eddie takes a deep breath.

“I really hope I didn’t misread things. I really liked spending time with you, even if it was just in a broken elevator.”

Buck huffs a laugh. “Yeah, we really could’ve met under better circumstances.”

“We really could’ve.”

“Point is,” Eddie continues, “I really like you. And you’re okay with Chris. And… as much as I’m looking forward to leaving this shitty elevator behind, I’m going to miss spending time with you.”

Buck nods, unable to speak, as emotions run towards his eyes. He swallows.

“Me too,” he finally manages to croak out.

“So,” and now Buck is sure he doesn’t imagine the awkwardness in Eddie’s composure, “if that is something you were interested in, I think we could go on a date. Somewhere that is not an elevator.”

“Oh God, yes,” Buck rushes out, the nerves falling off of him. Then he thinks better of it and replies a little calmer. “I’d love that.”

He starts tapping his pockets, looking for a pen but Eddie just reaches over and grabs a sharpie. Buck feels a little bad for writing his number on the side of a cardboard box but Eddie smiles at him and wipes away all his thoughts.

He does end up asking if he can help again and Eddie gives him the box with his own number on it with the words: “Make sure it’s stashed away properly.”

Buck winks at him and bounds down six flights of stairs.

Also find this fic on AO3 and wattpad.

[fraddit]

Mind sharing why you fell out with your parents? Storytime?

Yeah, sure. I don't mind. Putting it under a cut. Proceed with caution if shitty parents or transphobia is a trigger, but there's nothing graphic or anything.

I don't know if you've seen 911, but if you have, the Buckley family is basically the vibes of my family, minus the dead brother for TV drama plot.

I'm older than my sibling by 8 years and I partially raised myself and them, because our parents weren't super attentive about that stuff.

Every scene with the Buckley parents is like… I've lived those same moments… Buck's mom… like, change her hair color and that's a pretty good approximation of my mom.

Anyway, the short version is that I've basically never liked my mom, ever in my life, and then three years ago my sibling, who is my favorite and most important person in the world to me, came out as trans. And my parents didn't really respond well. It definitely could have been worse. They "tried" but they also made it clear that maintaining their identity as Republicans was more important than their child's feelings, so two years ago I was basically like, well thanks for finally being Shitty enough to give me a "good enough" reason to never speak to you again.

So yeah, there are definitely worse parents in the world, but every time I was around them fucking sucked and just because someone is your blood relative is no reason to spend time with them while being fucking miserable.

There's a hell of a lot more, considering I glossed over the whole childhood part (which is A Lot), but that's the gist/straw that broke the camel's back/vibes of it all.

[maria-scribbles]

glitter + crimson (let’s start a riot)//part three

summary: while mother nature isn’t very kind to the obx, jj’s dad is even worse to him. sailor sees the aftermath, relives a day that changed her life forever, and realizes she’d be down with murder if she could get away with it. between nutella sandwiches, story time, and a shared bed, an unspoken thing slowly starts to become a little more real.

word count: 6.9k+ (oops 😅)

ship: jj maybank x oc (sailor flynn)

warnings: abuse/neglect, blood, mentions of parental abandonment/gambling addiction, swearing, whump, hurt/comfort, fluff, blatant references to hocus pocus, the little mermaid, percy jackson and the olympians, and mean girls (and a teeny, subtle reference to stranger things, see if y’all can catch it! 😉)

a/n: i was so excited to write this part, not gonna lie (if you couldn’t tell, just look at that word count). hurt/comfort is my shittt and i’m a pretty big slut for physical comfort/touches so i kinda went ham with it lol. i’m also very happy to finally introduce everyone to peyton, who’s a character i really love and enjoy writing, especially her relationship with her gf alison. both of them will get some time to shine in this part, peyton in the present and alison in the past! as usual, this is unbetaed so all mistakes belong to me. enjoy!

gif credit to @sci-fi​

~Masterlist~

part one | part two | part four | playlist 

part three: storm surge

It rains the entire week. Scratch that -it storms: the whole island buffeted by howling winds and blanketed by a thick layer of dark and angry clouds that make life just shy of miserable. For someone who spends 99% of her time outside like Sailor, miserable doesn’t begin to cover it. And to think, it’s only the beginning of hurricane season.

The redhead props her chin in one tan hand as she leans against the cool marble counter of The Butterscotch Bonnet Ice Cream Parlor, watching the rain pound against the shop’s bay windows. Across the street she can just make out the rough, gray surf of the Atlantic through a tiny gap in between two buildings and she sighs wistfully, thinking about all the beautiful shells getting tossed onto the beach by the waves. She’s half tempted to just throw off her apron, hop the counter, and make a break for the sand, storm be damned.

She’s almost positive she wouldn’t even be missed. There isn’t a customer in sight and there hasn’t been one since she started her shift three hours ago. Peyton was still in the back kitchen, messing around with whatever convoluted ice cream flavor she thought up for this week; her boss definitely has a knack for concocting weird combinations that somehow work together, at least most of the time. Sailor thinks back to a few weeks ago when they debuted that delicious blackberry balsamic that sold out every day without fail, then followed it with a cilantro lime that was hit-or-miss (a definite miss in her opinion, as cilantro just tastes like soap to her; Peyton had just smiled her infectious smile, shrugged her tiny shoulders, and said, “Can’t win ‘em all, I guess.”) This week’s flavor involves mascarpone and peaches and she can’t wait to steal a sample because if the wonderful smell coming from the kitchen is any indication, it’s gonna be bomb, even though it probably won’t upset the shop’s namesake flavor from the top of her list.

Thinking about ice cream makes her kind of hungry, on top of the fact that she has a terrible habit of eating when she’s bored, so she dishes out a small scoop of Butterscotch Bonnet and grabs a spoon before leaning back against the counter, digging through the cup to find the best part: salted caramel-filled chocolate sea shells, made in house. The days Sailor gets to help make them are her favorite days to come to work, when she and Peyton commandeer the kitchen and have the time of their lives, blasting music and dancing as they slave away. Of course, the little bag of chocolates she gets to take home is a pretty big plus, too.

“That’s coming out of your paycheck, Sail.”

Spoon halfway to her mouth, she sheepishly glances up from her snack as Peyton emerges from the kitchen, fondly shaking her head and sending her inky black braids dancing across her shoulders.

“What am I gonna do with you?” She continues with a wink before starting to make herself a milkshake, dropping two scoops of their tiramisu flavor into a malt cup.

“Sorry, you know I can’t help myself!” Sailor knows the other girl was joking but she apologizes anyway and opens the cabinet to grab a cup and straw for her, setting them on the counter beside the old-fashioned milkshake machine. As far as bosses go, Peyton is one of the all-around best to have and the redhead loves working at her shop. While the Buckleys are rich as shit and total kooks, the family’s youngest daughter is down to earth, kind, and prefers to work hard for what she wants instead of flaunting her parents’ wealth and The Butterscotch Bonnet is proof that, despite her last name and penchant for the finer things, she’s a pogue at heart. It’s no wonder Alison’s head over heels for her.

“I also know you’re bored as shit.” Peyton calls over the sound of the blender, sending a knowing smirk toward the younger girl, who rolls her eyes and shovels another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth as she replies, “Obviously. This weather fucking sucks.”

A loud clap of thunder seems to shake the very glass in the windows and she gestures toward the storm outside, her point proven. Peyton glances around the deserted shop, still bright and cheery despite its lack of movement and life, then back to the relentless downpour, before shrugging and turning back to finish blending her milkshake. “Wanna go home early?”

“Seriously?”

“Why not? You’ve already cleaned this whole place from top to bottom and I don’t think we’re gonna be getting customers any time soon.” Ignoring the paper cup, she plops the straw straight into her drink and takes a big sip, then nods in satisfaction before adding a huge swirl of whipped cream on top.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best?” Sailor asks, smiling excitedly as she grabs her bag from under the counter and tosses her empty cup into the trash.

“Only every day,” the older girl replies cheekily, smiling as she’s pulled into a one-armed hug of thanks by her employee.

“Well, you’re gonna hear it again: you’re the best.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Peyton pats the redhead’s shoulder with one deep brown hand and then gently pushes her toward the kitchen. “Now get out of here, brat. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Sailor throws a peace sign over her shoulder as she heads out the door, cackling at her boss’s offended call of “don’t call me ma’am!” After clocking out, she fishes her keys out of her bag and dashes through the downpour to her beat-up clunker of a truck. A hand-me-down from Alison, Flounder’s nothing to look at with all the dents and chips in his blue paint, but he gets her where she needs to go and has room for surfboards in the back and two other pogues up front on the bench seat -and the other two unlucky ones riding in the bed, hiding under the boards- so she’s not complaining, even though she wishes his radio worked more than half the time.

(Two reasons why John B’s almost always the group chauffeur: the fact that he can legally drive all five of them around without breaking the law -not that they’ve ever gotten caught in Sailor’s truck but anyone with a brain knows that where one pogue goes, the other four aren’t far behind- and good music flowing from a perfectly working stereo.)

Unfortunately, it’s on the fritz today so her drive home is spent listening to the sounds of Flounder’s windshield wipers and the pounding of rain against his roof. She heads inland from the beach, away from Peyton’s shop in the outskirts of affluent Figure 8 and its kook mansions to the more homey, laid-back Cut, passing by the turnoff to the Chateau and through the woods before pulling into the empty driveway of her tiny house. The fact that her mother’s car is no where to be found doesn’t surprise her in the slightest. Waiting for her on the porch is Binx, the stray black cat she’s taken to feeding and more or less adopted, stretching on the blanket she left out for him.

“Hey, handsome,” The redhead says, kneeling down to give him a loving scratch behind the ears; he meows in response and rubs his fuzzy face against her ankles, weaving between her legs as she slides her key into the lock. “Come on in.”

The front door closes behind them with a hollow bang that echoes through the empty house like the thunder outside. Sailor hangs up her keys and follows Binx down the hall toward her room, ignoring the closed door that leads to her mom’s room and a bed that she assumes hasn’t been slept in in months. Not that she would know: she’s made it a habit to spend as few nights as possible alone in the house, instead crashing at the Chateau or Kiara’s place and hoping her mom’s comfortable in her makeshift room at The Sandbar where Carmen doesn’t have to deal with the teenager she’s supposed to be caring for (Sailor’s always been an independent girl and has no trouble getting by alone but fuck, that doesn’t mean she wants to.).

Her father’s green eyes, the same color as her own, stare back at her from a picture hanging on the wall of a better time, when everything was alright and her family wasn’t so broken; the three of them on the beach with a twelve year old Sailor in the middle and surfboards in hand. Carmen looks like the mother she remembers and misses so bad it hurts, and while Ryan wasn’t always the most caring of fathers and only acted like a dad when it was convenient, she’d still do anything to have him back, terrible parenting skills and all. She turns away from the picture and the complicated mess her heart becomes when she thinks about him, continuing down the hall to her room.

Complicated doesn’t even begin to cover her feelings about her dad, though. She’s always believed she was an afterthought to him, never first on his list but still good enough to tag along for company when he was doing something he wanted to do. He was a man who liked the idea of having a kid but never wanted to actually step up and parent when things weren’t all fun and games, instead deciding to take off to Atlantic City for a month or two at a time to gamble away whatever money they earned at the surf shop.

She wants to hate him. She should loathe him and in a way, she does. She hates the way he still makes her feel like everything’s her fault, even when he’s not around. She hates the person her mother becomes when he disappears, someone distant and cold and so unlike the good, caring mother Sailor remembers. She hates that home doesn’t feel like home anymore and it’s all his fault, and she hates that despite everything he’s put her through, all the hurt he’s caused, she still can’t find it in her big, bleeding heart to truly detest her father. After all, he could’ve been worse. So, so much worse.

The only place she can get away from everything is her room, her own little sanctuary from the cold emptiness of the rest of the house and constant reminders of Ryan’s absence. It’s warm and bright, the walls painted a sunny yellow that reminds her of lazy days relaxing on the beach. Her first surfboard hangs on the wall above her bed, tucked away in a corner, doubling as a shelf for her massive shell collection while pictures of her and her friends dangle underneath, pinned to a long piece of twine. Her current boards stand propped in another corner, leaning against a wall plastered with all types of movie and music posters. Through the windows covered with curtains as light as sea foam, the rain steadily pours but in here, she’s safe. In here, she can breathe.

Sailor strips off her uniform, tossing it along with her bag onto the chair by the door and slips out of her worn red high-tops before pulling on a pair of sleep shorts and the first long-sleeve shirt her fingers find in the closet, then flops onto her bed and pulls the soft blue blanket around her shoulders, reading glasses and well-loved copy of The Lightning Thief in hand while Binx curls up at her feet. Every summer without fail she rereads the series (why, she’s not exactly sure: maybe its nostalgia, maybe its because she lowkey relates to water-loving, steadfastly loyal Percy) and she’s fallen behind this year, so she fully intends on reading as much as she can tonight before bed. The storm provides perfect background noise and soon she’s five chapters in before a sudden loud knock on her window causes her head to snap up in alarm.

Oh no. Without bothering to save her place, she tosses the book and her glasses aside and scrambles from the bed to the window, tearing open the curtains to reveal a sight she always dreads seeing. Her best friend stands outside in the rain, soaked to the bone, hand pressed against his side, and the sight of bright red blood trailing down his face and staining the collar of his gray shirt makes her heart drop to her stomach. Wordlessly, she opens the window and helps him climb inside before closing it firmly and drawing the curtains, once again blocking the world from her -now their- sanctuary, then grabs her blanket from the bed and wraps it tightly around JJ’s shaking shoulders after he kicks off his sodden boots.

Her hand slowly moves to cup his face and her heart breaks a little more when he tenses, blue eyes carefully tracking its movement until he seems to remember who it belongs to and lets himself lean into her touch, cheek resting against her palm. Sailor runs her thumb under his split lip and and wipes at the crimson staining his tan skin, her mouth curving into a small frown when she only succeeds in smearing it further.

“Come on,” She breaks the silence with her gentle voice, barely above a whisper, and reaches her other hand out to take his, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

His fingers hold so, so tight as she leads him down the hall to the bathroom and she’s so laser-focused on the way they tremble against hers that she doesn’t notice the blood left behind on the handle when she opens the door. After flicking on the light she turns to face him and gently pushes the blanket from his shoulders with her free hand, letting it fall to the floor in a damp heap, then blindly reaches behind her to turn on the shower, cranking the heat as high as it’ll go.

“Sorry about your blanket.” JJ says at last, his voice quiet, and Sailor shakes her head, running her thumb in circles on the back of his cold hand.

“I don’t care about that, J.” She replies just as quiet and before she can stop herself, before she can think about what exactly she’s about to admit, she adds, “I care about you.”

The corner of his mouth lifts in a barely-there smile and while it may be tiny, it’s a smile nonetheless and she feels the tight knot in her chest begin to loosen as she lets go of his hand, reaching for the hem of his shirt. “Can you lift your arms for me?”

He does as she asks but his pained wince doesn’t go unnoticed by the redhead when she pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on top of the discarded blanket, and her jaw clenches at the sight of deep purple bruises in the shape of his father’s fists marring the skin over his ribs.

“Let me know if this hurts.” Oh so carefully she reaches out with one hand and gently touches the darkest mark, where she’d seen him clutching at outside her window, her fingers delicately feeling for any damages.

“A little.” He admits, shaky breath warm against her forehead and she does her best to keep her hand steady as she checks over the rest of him, then feathers her fingers back over that first bruise.

“It doesn’t feel like anything’s broken or cracked, so that’s good.” She says, allowing her hand to linger for a second before letting it fall from his side. “A rib or two might be a little bruised, though, so we’ll put some ice on them later, just in case. Sound good?”

JJ nods and watches her with those ocean blue eyes as she pulls her own shirt over her head, leaving her in a plain black cami and shorts, before grabbing his hand once again and pulling him into the shower with her. The water’s just a tad too hot and it instantly starts turning her skin red but Sailor doesn’t mind, instead choosing to embrace the heat and the way it burns everything away, leaving behind brand new skin that’s ready for a new day, new adventures. She reaches up and gingerly wipes the blood from her best friend’s face; in a mirror of earlier, he leans his cheek into her palm, eyes slowly closing while both arms wrap around her waist and pull her close.

“Sail,” He whispers her nickname into the humid air between them and she barely registers the tremble in his voice before his knees buckle, sinking them both to the shower floor until they’re face to face, sitting in between each other’s legs. He clings to her, arms even tighter around her waist and face buried against her neck, and she feels the shake of his shoulders when she winds her own arms around them. One hand moves to steadily run through wet blond hair, over and over, comforting in the best way she knows how, the fingers of her other hand tracing circles on the bare skin of his back as water continues to rain down on them like the downpour outside.

She’s eerily reminded of another time they sat like this, sobbing in each other’s arms five years ago, the first time she saw just how cruel his father could be, the first time she realized she’d do absolutely everything and anything to keep him safe, and it was both one of the best and worst days of her life.

Eleven year old Sailor shoved her math textbook into her cluttered locker and kicked it shut with a scowl. She hated math, her math teacher, and especially whoever made her schedule- who in their right mind would put math in eighth-period? She swung her backpack onto her shoulder and grunted softly at the extra weight it carried. JJ hadn’t come to school that day and Sailor had volunteered to take his missed work to him; it made sense, considering she lived closest out of the pogues and it’d make her feel better if she got to check on him herself -there was a reason the rest of the group called her the mom friend, after all.

She’d already collected assignments from the classes he shared with Pope and Kiara as well as herself, so now she was just waiting for John B to drop off his own. As if summoned by her thoughts, the brunet boy rounded the corner and waved, weaving his way to her through their fellow middle-schoolers. “Sorry, you know how Mr. Jefferson likes to go on and on and on...” He said, pulling some papers from his backpack and handing them to the redhead. “Do you remember where J’s house is?”

Sailor rolled her eyes and carefully slid the homework into her own bag. “Considering I live, like, five streets away, I sure hope so.” She fired back, ignoring his cackle of laughter as they joined the rush of students, excited for the weekend, flooding out through the double doors of Kildare County Middle School. She lingered by her friend as he unlocked his bike from the rack and then climbed on, asking, “You’re helping out at the shop on Saturday, right?”

She nodded, scanning the sea of waiting cars and waving when she spotted her ride. “Yeah, why?”

“My dad and I are gonna hang out at the beach that day so we’ll stop by and say hi.” With a casual salute in her direction he slowly started pedaling down the road, calling back over his shoulder, “Tell JJ he can come too if he’s feeling better!”

“Tell him yourself!” She yelled after his retreating back, not surprised in the slightest when he didn’t turn around and disappeared into the trees. Alison’s beat up blue truck pulled up to the curb seconds later and the older redhead leaned out the open window, a shit-eating grin on her face as she joked, “Get in loser, we’re going shopping!”

Sailor laughed and climbed into the passenger seat, dropping her backpack on the floor with a loud thump. Alison winced at the sound, raising her eyebrow as she waited for the younger girl to put her seatbelt on. “What the hell do you have in there, rocks?”

“One of my friends missed school today so I have his homework. Do you mind driving by so I can drop it off? He only lives a few streets away.”

“Sure,” Alison replied, flicking on her turn signal and merging into the stream of cars leaving the school’s parking lot. “So who skipped: Smarty Pants, Bandana Boy, or Surfer Bro?”

The eleven year old giggled at the nicknames -she’d never admit it, but they were honestly pretty accurate- and replied, “Surfer Bro. And his name is JJ, Ali.”

“Rightttt, JJ. What do you think it stands for, huh? Jesse James? John Jacob?”

“Oh my Godddddd!”

The high school senior continued to come up with names, each more ridiculous than the last until Sailor exclaimed “There!” and directed her to park near a small, run-down house on a quiet road. She pulled a folder from her backpack and was out the door before the older girl could blink, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll be right back!”

The redhead slammed the truck door behind her and made her way toward the porch and what she assumed was the front door; she’d never been inside JJ’s house but he always came out to meet them through there so she figured it was a safe bet. The smile fell from her face, ears registering the sound of horrible, angry yelling just as she brought her fist down to knock and she anxiously fidgeted back and forth on the step, her heart starting to beat fast in her chest. What the hell was going on?

"Fucking hell!” An enraged shout came clear as day from inside and as she heard the person’s stomping approach, something in her, a feeling, urged her to hide the folder in her hand behind her back. She jumped in surprise when the door was suddenly ripped open, revealing a fuming, red-faced man who glared down at her with heavily lidded eyes and one hand clenched in a fist at his side, the other holding the threshold in a white-knuckled grip. “What the hell do you want?”

“H-hi, I’m Sailor, one of JJ’s friends? He wasn’t at school today so I came by to check on him.” She said, proud of herself for keeping most of the tremble out of her voice while she studiously avoided his cruel gaze, instead subtly trying to peer behind him and hopefully catch a glimpse of her friend. The man, who she realized with sheer horror had to be JJ’s dad, was absolutely terrifying, with breath reeking of booze and mouth curled into a vicious snarl as he moved to block her view into the house and snapped, “Kid’s fine. Now get the fuck outta here.”

“Can I just see-”

She was cut off when he slammed the door in her face with the hand that had been by his side and her eyes widened, stomach sinking with dread as she caught sight of the splotch of bright crimson left behind on the wood. Oh, God. This could not be happening. She remembered John B’s warning about JJ’s dad, saying he wasn’t a very nice man when she became friends with them last year but she didn’t recall him ever saying anything about this and it hits her like a freight train: he probably didn’t know. Her heart pounded against her ribcage. If JB didn’t know then Pope and Kiara definitely didn’t and a sickening feeling started to churn her belly, both at the thought of JJ facing all of this by himself and the fact that she alone had the power to help.

Inside the house, she heard his dad resume his screaming, every other word accompanied by a sickening thumping noise she’d only heard in person once before, a few years ago on the beach with her parents when two drunk tourons started wailing on each other over a spilled beer: the sound of a fist hitting flesh. Sailor started to panic, both hands flying to cover her mouth in terror. Underneath the screaming and punching, she couldn’t hear anything, any cry or yelp or whimper from her friend and, mind racing with million terrible, awful thoughts, she turned and ran back to the truck, flinging open the door and scrambling inside to grab Alison’s arm, folder in her hands falling to the floor.

“Ali, please, we’ve got to help him-”

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” The older girl joked as she looked up from her phone, smile falling from her lips when she caught sight of the eleven year old’s pale face and wide eyes. She reached over and placed her hands on Sailor’s slight, trembling shoulders. “What’s going on?”

Her lip quivered terribly as she told Alison everything she saw and heard, watching her expression slowly twist into outright dismay, the fingers on her shoulders tightening their grip when she finished, “Ali, what’re we gonna do? We have to help him right now!”

“Fuck, okay, first off let’s calm down- don’t give me that look, kid! We can’t just burst in there like Wonder Woman or something, let me- oh, look!” Alison pointed through windshield, where JJ’s dad furiously stalked from the house to his truck, climbing inside and violently slamming the door before taking off in a cloud of dust. Sailor quickly ducked when he drove by and stayed down until the older redhead gave her the all clear, “He’s gone. That was perfect timing, huh?”

She didn’t reply or even wait for her to unbuckle her seatbelt, taking off at a sprint and bounding onto the porch in no time, furiously knocking against the door. “Hey, J, are you there? It’s Sailor.”

There was no reply and her heart dropped to her stomach. Alison joined her on the front step, her face blanching when her eyes landed on the blood stain on the corner of the door. One of her hands reached out to grab the handle while the other found Sailor’s smaller one and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Come on,” With no hesitation and the bravery Sailor wished she had, the eighteen year old pushed the door open and pulled them both into the dusky house. The younger redhead wrinkled her nose at the sight of beer cans and pill bottles littering a circle around the couch but she pressed on, calling his name as the girls moved room to room.

“Sail?” The sound of JJ’s pained voice coming from the room at the end of the hall made her heart skip a beat and she dropped Alison’s hand, running forward and bursting through the door in a rush, not even thinking about what state her friend might’ve been in. Feeling like she’d just been sucker punched right in the gut at the sight of him lying face down on the floor with a small puddle of blood forming under his mouth, she dropped to her knees beside him and delicately took his hand in both of hers, nearly crying in relief when his fingers gripped tight to her palm. Behind her, she heard Alison’s sharp intake of breath as she entered the room, darting over to kneel on JJ’s other side and place a gentle hand on his shoulder, and together they carefully helped him roll onto his back, then up into a sitting position with the older girl’s arm behind him as a brace.

Her jaw trembled as she tried and tried to say something, anything; her head was filled with so many questions -what happened, how could he do this, when did this start?- but the only thing she managed to ask was a simple, “Why?”

“It’s just what he does.” He replied with a shrug, wincing at the movement, “I’m sorry, Sail.”

“What the hell are you apologizing for?” She asked incredulously, then followed his finger as he pointed at a pile of jagged yellowish-brown pieces on the floor by his bed.

“He broke the shell you gave me.” He looked so upset, so distraught over the broken whelk and she felt her heart swell with waves of affection for her friend, who was more concerned about her broken gift than he was about himself.

“Hey,” She said softly, turning away from the mess to look him in the eye with a small smile, her hand reaching out on its own accord to brush a lock of fine blond hair away from a cut near his temple. “It’s just a shell, okay? I’ll find you another one.”

The sight of blood on his teeth when he returned her smile reminded her of the task at hand and she shook her head, wrapping her thin arm around his waist. “Let’s get you out of here. Think you can stand?” At his nod, both girls put one of his arms around their shoulders and slowly stood, shuffling out the door with all the grace and speed of an old man with two bad knees, but hey, they were moving and getting JJ out of that terrible place, so she’d go as slow as they needed to, even if her anxiety was getting worse and worse with each passing second they spent in the house.

After loading the kids onto the bench seat of the truck, Alison quickly drove them to the empty Flynn residence -Carmen and Ryan still working at the shop- and helped Sailor move JJ into the bathroom. “I’ll go grab you some towels and dry clothes, okay? I think some of your dad’s old stuff might fit him.” She said, watching as the young girl kneeled beside her friend and started untying his shoes.

The eleven year old nodded at her older friend and sent her a small smile. “Thanks, Ali.”

“No problem, kiddos.” With a quick smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes she was gone, heading down the hall toward the laundry room.

Sailor reached over and turned the shower on as hot as possible. “Okay, um, take as long as you need, I guess. I’ll wait outside.” She jerked her thumb toward the hall but before she could even take a step, his hand darted out and grabbed her wrist.

“Stay.” It was more of a demand than a question and JJ seemed embarrassed to even be saying it, the uninjured parts of his face turning an endearing shade of pink. “Please?”

She just nodded and reached a leg out to gently kick the door shut, her mind racing. She stayed but what the hell should she do now, keep her back turned? Get in the shower with him? From the way he was fidgeting back and forth and avoiding her eyes, he was probably thinking the same thing.

“Oh, come on.” She finally said after a minute or two of decidedly not looking at each other and kicked off her sandals, darting forward on impulse to grab his hand and pull them both under the spray. The water uncomfortably soaked into their clothes and made their movements sluggish as they clumsily shuffled around -stepping on each other’s toes and mumbling identical apologies- before finding a position that was only a little bit awkward in the confined space, his arms on either side of her waist and bracing against the wall, her hands tentatively resting on his shoulders.

“This okay?” She asked, feeling her cheeks reddening from more than just the steam curling around them and frizzing her hair, and JJ nodded, swallowing thickly and blinking away a droplet of red-tinged condensation that slid down his forehead. Her hand, moving on its own accord, slowly reached for his face until her palm gently came to rest against his flushed cheek, the tip of her pointer finger just brushing a small cut that sliced through one eyebrow.

“How...” Sailor shook her head, taking a deep breath before finally asking the question that’d been on her mind since this whole thing started, “How long has this been happening?”

Once again he avoided her wide-eyed gaze, eyelids fluttering shut as he answered hesitantly, quietly, “I...I don’t remember a time when it didn’t.”

His answer chipped away the last brick in the dam and the floodgates broke. She flung herself into his chest, arms wrapping around his shoulders and fingers twisting in the sodden fabric of his shirt, sobbing into the warm skin of his neck. He froze in her embrace, whole body stock-still until something in him seemed to break too, and his own arms encircled her waist, bit by bit, pulling her close as he buried his face into her shoulder and two sixth graders slowly slumped to the shower floor in a tangled mess of limbs.

“J, why didn’t you say anything?”

His body trembled in her arms and she inhaled sharply at his reply of, “Because I’m not worth it.”

Pulling away from his neck to rest her forehead against his, she cupped his face in both hands and forced him to look her in the eyes, her voice quiet but adamant, insistent as she said, “Don’t you dare say that again, got it? You are worth it. So, so worth it.”

The look behind his red-rimmed, ocean blue gaze was made of pure, unadulterated disbelief and Sailor, at a loss, wracked her brain for something, anything she could do to make him see himself the way she did: loyal, adventurous, funny, and oh so brave, already a beloved, dear friend to her in the short time she’d known him. How could she help him realize he was so much more than his father’s abuse?

‘What can I do to make you believe me?’

An epiphany came to her like a bolt of lightning straight to the heart. It was more than a little crazy and the thought of actually doing it was lowkey terrifying but she’d seen it work beautifully for Alison and her girlfriend Peyton that one time and hell, she was so desperate to help her friend that she’d do just about anything. And so before her anxious mind could start to overthink she surged forward, both hands still holding his face in a gentle grip, and firmly pressed her lips to his.

JJ’s eyes were almost comically wide while he stared, frozen still at her touch, and her own eyes were just as huge as she held the kiss for a few seconds and then abruptly pulled back, her face slowly changing into a shade very similar to her hair.

“Y-you, I-” He stuttered, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as a deep pink flush started to color the tan skin of his neck. “Wh-why-”

“Because you are worthy, J. Promise me you won’t forget that.” Her words were as fierce as the hug she pulled him into, only letting the tension bleed out of her when she felt him gradually return her embrace and nod against her shoulder.

“I promise, Sail.”

“Good.”

And with that they fell silent, holding each other tight until the shower ran cold.

Sailor didn’t know it at the time but that hadn’t been just her first kiss but JJ’s too, as they never talked about it until two years later, during a game of truth or dare with the rest of the pogues. Neither actually told the truth, both giving a vague answer about a bet that seemed to placate their friends enough to let the matter drop, never to be brought up again.

The only kiss that happens today is the light brush of her lips against his forehead as she holds him close, even as the water slowly begins to lose its warmth. His embrace is tight, their limbs intertwined so fully that it’s hard to discern where one ends and the other begins and when he speaks, she has to strain to hear the words mumbled against her neck over the pounding spray of the shower.

“I don’t know how much more I can take.”

His confession cuts her deep. Hearing him admit something so utterly heartbreaking and vulnerable, coming from the side of him Sailor alone gets to see, ignites a fury that simmers under her skin and burns her from the inside out, thoughts turning venomous and, dare she say, downright homicidal. Fuck his dad. Fuck his dad and everything he’s ever done to hurt her best friend, both with and without fists.

“If I could get away with murder, I would.”

It’s true. For JJ, she’d do anything and everything to keep him safe without hesitation, up to and including maiming his dad so he could never touch him again (and if she happened to take it a little too far and straight up kill the bastard, she’d most definitely be fine with it.). He laughs, but it’s empty, hollow, and sorely lacking the joy, the carefreeness, the pure life that it normally radiates.

“You’re not the only one.”

Some time later, after the water raining down on them turns ice cold and their tears have dried, they reluctantly disentangle themselves from each other and towel off before making a quick detour to the kitchen to grab an ice pack for his ribs and have a meager dinner of sandwiches made with the last of her bread and a near empty jar of Nutella. He laughs, for real this time, when he reads the note she writes herself on the fridge future sailor, as much as you want to, you can’t live off just nutella and sheer spite, okay? please go shopping. love, past sailor <3 and grabs the marker out of her hand, adding +past jj and a little smiley face that makes her smile brightly.

They return to her room where they change, back to back, into dry clothes -one of her dresser drawers is full of his things she’s stolen acquired over the years- and, after throwing everything wet, including their discarded shirts and blanket retrieved from the bathroom, into the washing machine to be dealt with some other time, they lie on her bed side by side, shoulder to shoulder, wrapped up together in a spare throw stashed at the bottom of her closet. Binx slinks up from his spot at their feet and lazily drapes himself across their laps, purring like a motorboat when Sailor starts running her hand along his back.

“I almost sat on those,” JJ says, handing over her glasses, “and this.” He holds her forgotten book in his hands, casually flipping through the pages before turning it over and scanning the back cover.

“Have you read it before?”

He shrugs, a barely-there grimace briefly twisting his features as the motion jostles his sore ribs. “Started it, never finished.”

“Well,” She starts, slipping her glasses on and snatching the book out of his grasp, “how about we fix that? I’ll read, you pet the cat.”

Sailor’s voice is soft and steady as she starts to read aloud, a content smile on her face that’s echoed by the boy lying beside her when she settles against his side, head pillowed on the arm he curls around her shoulders without a thought. JJ’s the near perfect listener, only snickering once or twice at her total butchering of some of the more difficult Greek names (how come she can say Hephaestus just fine but gets tripped up on Dionysus?) but otherwise hanging off her every word and the relaxed ease with which he runs his hand through the ends of her damp hair fills her with a warmth, a happiness that she can’t describe but never wants to stop.

Hidden away from the rest of the world, curled up together on her bed, they forget the day’s past horrors and replace them with bright hopes for the future, exchanging comforting touches, deliberate yet played off as unintentional, in the soft glow of the bedside lamp -a caress of knuckles here, a brush of a palm there- as she reads into the night, until the cloudy sky darkens to black and they’re both fighting off the languid pull of sleep.

“I think that’s enough for today.” He plucks the book from her hands without waiting for a response and marks their place with a gas station receipt she was using as a makeshift placeholder, and setting it on the beside drawer.

“It’s your turn to read tomorrow,” He takes her glasses off with gentle fingers as she speaks into what little space still exists between them (that’s not otherwise occupied by Binx), smiling at the slow graze of his thumb along her cheek and nestles further against his side. “I’m done botching the names of deities for a while.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Damn it, Sailor kind of hates it when he says that cause it makes her feel things that she’s not quite ready to think about yet. Thankfully, her blush is swallowed by the darkness as he turns off the light and settles down beside her, arm slung low over her waist; her hand carefully brushes against his bruised ribs over the old shirt he wears, ice pack long ago thawed and thrown somewhere onto the hardwood floor.

“How do these feel? Better?”

She feels JJ nod, his chin brushing the top of her head. “Much.” There’s a pause, long enough that she starts to feel like she’s about to nod off, then he whispers, “Thank you, Sail. I know I don’t say it enough.”

She takes a deep breath, fingers stilling on his side, “Because you don’t need to, J. Remember what I said earlier, in the bathroom?”  

He nods again but doesn’t reply, instead drawing circles on the small of her back, so she takes it as a cue to continue, “I care about you, okay? You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just...doing what feels right.”

After a beat, the arm she’s using as a pillow curls and pulls her tighter against him as he says quietly, almost shyly, “I care about you, too.”

The rain outside had slowed to a drizzle without either teenager noticing and the gentle pitter-patter against the roof casts a somnolent spell into the air, dazed and dreamy. It wraps around the pair, not unlike the way they wrap around each other, and slowly, easily, safely, they drift off as one.

-

let me know what you think!

taglist ❤: @jiaraendgame​ @hmsjiara​ @heavensalreadyheres​ @obxsummer​ @maysbanks​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @sunflowerbecca​ @obxlife​ @obx-adventures​ @sexualparkour​ @mortifiedposts​ @coltonparayyko​ @miawantsapuppy​ @jjmaybanky​

[happylifefanfic]

Safe Place Chapter 2

Emma nervously tugged at the bottom of her dress as she made her way towards Athena’s front door.  Balancing the baking dish of brownies and the bowl of pasta salad in one hand was proving to be quite the feat as she desperately tried to keep her skirt from riding further up her thighs.  

Once she got to the front door, she cleared her throat before ringing the doorbell.  A few seconds later, a very tall man with a welcoming smile greeted her as he ushered her inside.

“Emma!  It’s so great to finally meet you.  Athena has told me so much about you.  I’m Bobby,” he said as he took the dish and bowl out of her hands with one hand and offered her his other hand to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Bobby.  I’ve heard quite a bit about you as well,” Emma replied with a laugh.  Bobby grinned at her in reply.

“I’ll put these on the table.  Why don’t you head out back?  Athena is right outside the door,” Bobby instructed.  Emma nodded before turning around to walk out onto the patio.  Her green eyes scanned the crowded patio for her partner, but someone else caught her attention first.

“Emma!” Christopher exclaimed as he left his father’s side to come greet her.  

“Hi there, Christopher.  How are you?” Emma said as she leaned down to hug the boy.  

“I’m great!  All of my favorite people are here.  Well, except my grandparents,” Christopher said with that easygoing smile on his face.  Emma smiled in return and glanced up as Eddie joined them.  She could see where Christopher got that amazing smile from as the firefighter came to stand beside his son.  

“Nice to see you again, Emma,” Eddie said.

“You too,” Emma replied.

“Stopped any arterial bleeding lately?” Eddie asked with a chuckle causing Emma to laugh in response.

“Not since the last time you saw me covered in blood,” she answered.  Eddie opened his mouth to say something else, but a tall blonde haired guy joined their group with a loud exclamation.

“Well, who do we have here?” he said in his loud, boisterous voice that had Christopher laughing and Eddie rolling his eyes.

“Buck, this is Emma Sullivan.  She’s Athena’s new partner.  Emma, this is Evan Buckley, AKA Buck.  He’s also a firefighter at the 118,” Eddie replied as he gestured between the two of them.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Emma said as she stuck out her hand.  Buck laughed before pulling her into a bear hug.  Emma laughed as he squeezed her tight and lifted her off of her feet.

“I have heard so much about you!  I can’t believe Athena actually agreed to have a partner,” Buck said loudly in her ear.

“You can put her down, Buck,” Eddie said as Christopher laughed.

“Buck!  What on earth are you doing?” Athena said as she walked up to them.  Buck gently put Emma back on her feet before turning to beam at Athena.

“I was just greeting the newest member of our posse,” Buck said as he threw an arm around Athena’s shoulders.  “You didn’t mention she was this cute!”

“And why would I say that to you?” Athena said as she shewed him away.  “Go help Bobby with the grill and give the girl some space.”

Buck dutifully followed her command while Athena looked to the trio of people standing before her.  What she saw had her smiling.  Emma was slightly rubbing her arms where Buck had gripped her, Eddie was tenderly examining her arms to see if she was hurt, and Christopher was smiling at the pair of them with a glimmer of hope in his young eyes.  

“I’m okay, Eddie,” Emma said as the dark haired man gently lifted her arm to see if a bruise was forming.  His brown eyes lifted to meet her gaze and Emma had to quickly suck in a breath.  Good Lord, this man is attractive, she thought.  

Eddie slowly dropped his hands before he nodded at her.  

“I’m sorry about Buck.  He can be a bit much sometimes,” Eddie apologized.

“It’s not a problem.  He reminds me of my older brother,” Emma replied with a smile on her face.  

“So, Emma, did you find the house okay?” Athena asked, causing the two adults in front of her to break their gaze and look at her.

“I did.  I took an Uber,” Emma said.

“Good!  Now come meet everyone else,” Athena said as she began to lead Emma towards the crowd.

“I’m coming with you,” Christopher announced as he moved to walk beside Emma.  “I’ll see you later, Dad!”

Emma smiled down at Christopher before Athena began introducing her to the rest of the 118 crew and their families.  

Several hours later, the party was dying down and Emma had begun to help Bobby and Athena clean up.  She glanced over to see Christopher and Buck asleep on the couch.  

“Those two are attached at the hip,” Eddie said from beside her, startling her slightly.  Emma glanced up at him and couldn’t help but smile herself when she saw the beatific smile on his face.

“I can tell,” Emma replied.  

“Although, you are just about all he talks about these days,” Eddie said.

“Really?” Emma asked, surprised.

“Oh yeah.  He has been dying to hang out with you.  He’s always asking if he can go over to your place,” Eddie said with a laugh.

“Well, he’s welcome anytime,” Emma said.  “I miss being around kids.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie asked as they both began to pick up empty plates and cups to put in the trash bag Eddie was holding.

“Yeah.  My nieces and nephews live in Atlanta, so when I decided to move to LA from there, it was hard not getting to see them all the time,” Emma explained.

“I knew I detected a Southern accent there,” Eddie said, and Emma laughed.

“I was raised all over the world, but my parents are from the South, so the accent stuck,” Emma said.

“All over the world?” Eddie asked as Emma dumped a few more plates in the trash can.  

“My dad is Navy, so we’ve been all over,” Emma explained.

“Navy, huh?  I was in the Army,” Eddie said.  Emma paused to look at him.

“Well, thank you for your service,” she said and Eddie nodded in reply.  “What did you do in the Army?”

“I was a combat medic,” Eddie replied.  

“Impressive,” Emma said as Eddie cinched up the last of the trash bags.

“I think we’re done here,” Eddie said as they both turned to head inside.  “Christopher is staying with Bobby and Athena tonight because he and Harry have a party to go to tomorrow.  So, since we are neighbors, would you like to ride home with me?”

“Sure, that would be great,” Emma replied.  After saying goodbye to Athena, Bobby, and Buck, Eddie ushered Emma out to his truck.  Just as she stepped up to grasp the door handle, Eddie beat her to it and opened the door for her.

“Your chariot awaits,” Eddie said as he playfully bowed to her.  

“Why thank you,” Emma replied with a smile as she situated herself in the front passenger seat.  Minutes later, they were headed down the freeway towards the exit that would take them to their homes.  The ride had been quiet so far.  

“So, what made you decide to become a cop?” Eddie asked quietly.  Emma nervously picked at the hem of her dress before clearing her throat.

“I was all set to become a doctor when my best friend and roommate was murdered.  The aftermath of that was a complete nightmare, and I guess I just knew that I wanted to be the person to help stop something like this from happening again,” Emma said quietly in return.  Eddie sighed softly before he reached his right hand across the console to grab her left one.  He squeezed her hand lightly.

“I’m so sorry about your friend,” Eddie said softly.  

“Thank you,” Emma whispered.  “Even though it was 6 years ago, it still feels like it happened yesterday.  My whole life changed after that day.”

“How so?” Eddie asked.

“Well, the detectives connected her murder to a series of murders that had been happening for the past eight years.  The only problem was she didn’t fit the victimology.  All of the other victims were petite, blondes with blue or green eyes.  Rachel was African-America and tall with brown hair and brown eyes,” Emma paused to swallow.  Eddie gently squeezed her hand again.

“You don’t have to talk about it, if you’re not up for it,” Eddie said.

“I know, but it might be good to talk to someone other than Athena and the department shrink about it,” Emma said.  “I was gone to visit my family when she was murdered.  I had taken Rachel’s car instead of mine because my alternator was having issues and we were waiting on a part to come in.  I found her body when I returned that Sunday evening.  The detectives told Rachel’s family that they believed the killer had gone there to kill me.  They think that Rachel surprised him and he killed her so he wouldn’t leave a witness who could identify him.”

“Damn,” Eddie breathed as he maneuvered the truck off the freeway and onto the exit ramp.  “Did they ever catch the guy?”

“Yes, eventually.  Unfortunately, he killed four other women before they could catch him.  By that point, I was living in survival mode.  I barely made it through my residency each day, and I barely slept.  I had been so close to Rachel’s family, but after her death, things just weren’t the same.  Her parents were so heartbroken, her brother was angry at me, and I carried so much guilt because it should have been me instead of her,” Emma said as Eddie pulled into his driveway.  He put the truck in park and unbuckled his seatbelt before turning to face her.

“Don’t say that,” he said adamantly.  “You were meant to live otherwise you wouldn’t be here now.”

“I know,” Emma said quietly as tears silently made their way down her face.  Eddie softly reached over with his right hand to wipe away the tear that moved down her left cheek.  “My therapist always says that I can’t control what happened and that none of it was my fault.  It’s easy to say that, but believing it is another thing entirely.”

“I know what you mean,” Eddie said.  “I’ve seen friends get killed in the line of duty and I watched Christopher’s mother die right in front of me.  It sucks, and I don’t think you ever really get over that.  You just learn to cope with it and try to move on with your life.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Emma said as she turned to face him.  “A change of scenery was very helpful, and Athena has been wonderful.  Speaking of Athena, what did Buck mean when he said he couldn’t believe Athean agreed to have a partner?”

“Athena hasn’t had a partner in years,” Eddie said.  “Being a field sergeant gives her the choice of having a partner or not.”

“So why would she choose me?” Emma asked.

“Well, I don’t know the exact answer to that, but I can take a guess,” Eddie said with a smile.

“And what would that be?” Emma asked as she tilted her head slightly.

“She saw a lot of herself in you, and she knew how hard it was to overcome a traumatic experience like you did.  Plus, Bobby told me that she has bragged about how smart and intuitive you are,” Eddie said with a smile on his face.  Emma blushed slightly and bowed her head for a moment.  When she raised her gaze to meet Eddie’s, she was surprised to see the smile gone from his face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Eddie said quickly.  “It’s getting late.”

He got out of the truck abruptly and Emma followed suit.  They met at the front of the truck and silently stared at each other for a few seconds.

“Thanks for the ride home,” Emma said as she started to walk past him.  Eddie gently grabbed her hand to stop her.

“Thank you for telling me your story,” he said softly.  “I know that wasn’t easy.”

“Thank you for listening,” she replied as she gently tightened her grip on his hand.

“Let me walk you to your door,” Eddie said as he began to lead her across the small space between their homes.  Once they arrived at her front door, Emma pulled her keys from her purse and unlocked the door.  Then, she turned to face him one last time.  His body was only a few inches from hers and she could feel his breath on her forehead.

“Goodnight, Eddie,” she whispered.  Before she could turn to go inside, he lifted his right hand to cup her left cheek.  

“Goodnight, Emma,” he replied before leaning down to place a quick kiss to her forehead.  He quickly backed away and headed back to his own house leaving a stunned Emma on the front porch.  After a minute or so, she walked into her house and slumped against the closed front door.

Oh man, she thought.

In the next house over, Eddie braced his hands against his closed front door and let out a long sigh.

“What are you doing?” he said aloud to himself as his head slumped against the door.  “You just told everyone, including Anna, that you weren’t ready for any kind of relationship, and here you are pining after your neighbor that you barely know.  Get it together!”

[winters-blue-children]

Games and Theory (A 10k Evan Buckley disaster fic featuring jealous Eddie, phone sex, a fake relationship, and Albert being a genius)

Eddie's not looking for serious. He just wants casual, easy, and uncomplicated. 

Buck has been in love with his best friend for two years. Does he take his sister's advice and confess his feelings? Nah, Evan Buckley always has to do things the hard way.

At some point, Buck and Albert became pretty good friends. Maybe it’s the shared older siblings mackin’ on each other, or the having horrible parents thing, but it turns out they get along really well. A little too well, as Chimney often likes to complain about. He calls it a Buckley-Han recipe for disaster.

Wanna meet up for pool later tonight?

Can’t. It’s movie night with Eddie and Chris.

The blinking ellipses begin immediately after his last text is sent. Buck rolls his eyes in anticipation. He knows exactly what Albert is going to say.

Have fun with your looover.

Fuck off. He’s not my lover.

But you want him to be ;-)

Buck scowls at his phone before turning the screen off. His loud, frustrated groan echoes throughout his empty apartment. Damn high ceilings. While it’s nice to have someone to complain about being completely head over heels for his best friend, it also sucks to be reminded constantly that his love life is hopeless and helpless and, in Chim’s words… embarrassingly tragic.

“Movie night,” Buck mutters to himself, mentally preparing for an evening of kid-friendly movies, lots of popcorn, and being in painfully close proximity to the man he’s desperately in love with. “Completely platonic movie night.”

…

In between their last film and Chris’s bedtime, which the kid managed to convince his dad to push back—“But it’s not a school night, Dad!” And like most people who have met Christopher Diaz, Eddie has trouble saying no to his kid too—Buck finds himself seated on the living room floor, a jumbo Lego set spilled all around him. He spends the next thirty minutes sticking pieces together with his best friend’s son.  

“What is that?” Chris asks, tilting his head in confusion at the multi-colored lump in Buck’s hands. It’s all sharp angles and weird shapes.

“I’m not sure, bud. I made it to match yours.”

Chris laughs loudly, head thrown back as he giggles. And Buck laughs too, open and free and so genuinely happy.

Several feet away from them, Eddie watches quietly, a soft smile on his face.

…

Eddie’s not much of a talkative guy, at least not compared to Buck. When they’re together though, Buck brings him out of his shell, and Eddie makes sure to keep Buck grounded. Chim and Hen joke that they ‘complete’ each other. Whatever that means.

The point is that Eddie has a shy side. And considering he’s about twelve years out of the dating game, he needs his best friend to help him out.

“I thought you said you needed a wingman?”

Eddie stubbornly looks up and glares at Buck. He’s nursing his third beer, which he’d been staring at with what Buck had described as ‘crazy eyes’. And he’s adamantly refused to look anywhere around the bar that they’re currently in.

Buck leans closer over their small table. “We’ve been here for an hour and you haven’t even made eye contact with anyone. What are you doing?”

“Look, I haven’t done this in a very long time, okay?!” Eddie hissed. “I was with Shannon for two years before I enlisted. Two tours later, and add a kid to the picture, I’m a little out of practice!”

Buck’s face softens and he seems to take pity on him.

“Well, if you would get out of your own head and take a look around, you’d notice that more than a few lovely ladies have been eying you up all night.” Buck pauses and adds, “A few guys, too. If you’re into that.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and pulls a face like Buck just told a joke. He misses the way Buck looks slightly dejected, just for a second, before his grin slides back into place.

“So what are you looking for then? Blonde? Brunette? Are you into any weird stuff ‘cause the chick with the sleeve tats over there looks like she likes to play with toys.”

Eddie sighs and shakes his head, finally looking around the room for the first time. “I want something… uncomplicated.”

“Uncomplicated like a quickie in the bathroom? I’ve been there, and would not recommend. Your back will be killing you the next day.”

“Just… something easy, no strings attached, never have to call them again…”

“A one-night stand?” Buck frowns and tilts his head curiously. “Sounds like my old kind of thing. I didn’t think it was yours.”

Eddie shrugs. “It’s too hard to try for anything serious. I have Christopher to think about, and he needs one hundred percent of my attention. And I definitely can’t be bringing home random girls, hoping one of them is going to be Chris’s new mom.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Most would run away once they find out I’m a widowed veteran-father anyway. Talk about a flight risk.”  

“Don’t be so negative about yourself,” Buck says, his voice low. “You’re a great guy, and anyone would be lucky to have you.”  

Eddie pauses at the sincerity in Buck’s voice. It’s sweet. And nice. But he shakes his head and the moment ends. “Alright, help me out here. I really don’t want to go home tonight to just my left hand for company. Who do you think I’ve got a chance with?”

Buck grins, a little mirthless. “The girl in the red top, drinking a Long Island at the bar.” He raises an eyebrow and nods in her direction. “She’s with a group of friends, but she’s not been chatty. She keeps looking around the room like she’s looking for someone.”

Eddie turns and to his surprise, he makes eye contact. She’s attractive, probably mid to late twenties, with brown hair and blue eyes. Three solid seconds pass before she grins flirtatiously, bats her eyes, and looks away.

“Hook, line, and sinker,” Buck murmurs.

Eddie finishes off his beer. The bitter taste lingers and settles in his mouth, giving him an odd sense of confidence as he stands. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Buck says softly.

Eddie slides against the bar next to the girl in the red top. He grins, friendly but not over the top. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she answers with a bright smile.

Eddie waves over the bartender. “Hi, can I get an IPA and another of what she’s having? Oh, and one more beer for my friend—” He turns his head, about to point to Buck when his eyes land on their empty table. Buck’s jacket is gone too.

He must have left.

“Um, nevermind about that last one. Thanks.”

…

Evan Buckley has been in love with his best friend for over two years. It’s painful, that they can be so close and yet he sometimes feels a million miles away. “I can’t get him out of my head, Mads. I think about him all the time and it’s so fucking distracting.”

“Dude, I work with you guys,” Chimney says slowly. “In a very dangerous line of work.”

Buck scowls as Maddie slaps her boyfriend’s arm. “I came over here to talk to my sister. Do you really have to be a part of the conversation?”

“I was here first!”

“Hm, yeah sorry,” Buck frowns and shakes his head. “I think I’ve got about twenty-six years on you in that department.”

“Stop fighting, children, please!”

Buck continues to mope on the couch while Chim shakes his head and helps himself to snacks on the coffee table. The crunch of chips between his teeth clashes harshly with the constant thump of Buck’s knee bouncing against the underside of the table.

“Look, Evan,” Maddie says carefully. “I think you really need to tell Eddie how you feel.”

“Why? What’s the point?” Buck demands. “So that he can reject me nicely? Let me down easy, maybe? Best case scenario, he says that nothing’s ever going to change between us and then he acts all weird and awkward because he knows that his best friend—who is a guy—is fucking in love with him!”  

Maddie reaches over and grabs her brother’s hand to hold. Even Chim’s eyes are downcast, looking like he feels a bit bad for him.

“You have to tell him, so that you can start to get over him,” Maddie says softly. “So that you can move on.”

“Maddie’s right,” Chim chimes in. “Rejection is the first step. If Tatiana hadn’t rejected me, I’d probably still be in that awful facade of a relationship. I never would have found the most wonderful and amazing person that I was meant to be with.”

Maddie grins softly at him. She leans over and they share a sweet kiss.

“Ugh,” Buck pulls a face and looks away. “Gross. That’s it, I can’t take any more of this. I’m out of here.”

“Evan, you don’t have to go!” Maddie says.

At the same time that Chim says, “See ya tomorrow, Buck.” He shrugs when they both give him a look. “What? I spend all day with the guy, I gotta see him at home, too?”

“Love you too, Chim,” Buck says sarcastically.

“He’s family,” Maddie says sternly.

“Hey, speaking of, where’s Albert?” Buck asks.

“Probably hooking up with rando hot girl number thirty.”

“Huh.” Buck pulls out his phone and hums. He says his goodbyes and leaves his sister and Chimney to do… whatever old, happy couples do on a Wednesday night.

Where you at?

A minute later, Albert responds. Some bar on West 23rd St. Wanna join?

Not feeling up to it. Wanna come over and hang instead?

Sure. Albert says. And then another text. I’ll be over in an hour.

…

It’s the middle of their shift and things are slow, which is never something to complain about. Eddie regales a tale about the latest girl he hooked up with. There have been a few girls since that night at the bar, and Eddie never shies away from telling Buck. Nothing too lewd. Just the highlights.

Buck nods and hums in response. His attention, however, is glued to his phone, where his thumbs rapidly fly across the screen as he texts. He plasters a lopsided grin on his face for show.

“I’m sorry, is my story about my foray back into the dating scene for the first time in over a decade too boring for you?”

Buck’s eyes snap up and he grins apologetically. He quickly slips his phone back into his pocket. “Sorry! I was listening, I swear!”

Eddie doesn’t buy it for one second.

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Buck says quickly. See, he was listening. “You sealed the deal, right?”

Eddie sighs. “Yeah. It was alright. Not exactly a night of passion.”

“Better luck next time. Plenty more one-night fish in the sea, am I right?”

Eddie frowns, figuring Buck is right. He puts his mediocre night out of his mind. Buck looks like he’s itching to check his phone again. And then Eddie suddenly wonders what’s got his friend so distracted lately. “Hey, what was that just now? You’ve been glued to your phone the whole day. What is going on with you?”

Buck blushes and actually looks embarrassed, a rare sight. “I uh—I met someone,” he says bashfully.

Eddie raises an eyebrow, surprised. “Wow, um, congrats, dude. You haven’t mentioned getting back out there or anything.”

“Yeah, well. I figured it was time. It’s been a year since Ali…”

Eddie frowns and tries to be happy for him. But the only thing he can think is, “Is it serious?”

Buck grins softly. “It might be. Too early to tell, you know? But I think I want it to be.”

Eddie nods. An uncomfortable feeling rolls around in the pit of his stomach. He must have eaten something at lunch that doesn’t agree with him. He brushes it aside. “What’s her name?”

Buck hesitates. “His name is… Tom.”

Whatever Eddie ate for lunch might be threatening to come back up again.

…

“How could he not tell me? I mean, how could he not tell me?! We’re best friends, this is the type of thing that you tell your best friend!” Eddie gestures wildly with his arms as he speaks.

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal,” Hen takes a drink of her cocktail and narrowly avoids being hit accidentally by Eddie’s flailing hands. “It’s not like he outright lied to you.”

“Not telling me that he’s into guys isn’t lying to me?”

“He’s dated one girl in the two plus years that you’ve known him. So he omitted one small fact about himself, so what? There are people who like both, you know.”

Eddie scoffs, incredulous. “Yeah, but Buck?!”

Hen gives him a pointed look and Eddie sighs. “I just… I don’t get why didn’t he tell me sooner.” He says softly.

“Please. You are not about to ask a lesbian why Buck didn’t out himself to you sooner. And you are definitely not having an issue with the fact itself, right?”

“Of course not,” Eddie says firmly. He might have grown up in a homophobic town in Texas, but that was never him. He stood up for the kids who got bullied growing up. He would never hate Buck for being gay, bi, pan, or whatever he labels himself. He would never hate anyone for that.

He just can’t seem to wrap his head around it. Why didn’t Buck tell him sooner? Why does it feel like such a painful and devastating betrayal, knowing that Buck met someone and they ‘might’ be getting serious?

“Wait,” Eddie freezes. “Hang on. Why aren’t you more surprised by this?”

Hen chuckles. “We have… a type of radar. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.” She finishes her drink and laughs to herself. “From the second I laid eyes on that boy, I could tell he was a womanizer and a playboy. But let me tell you, that bitch also looks like he is two clicks away from calling the first man to pull his hair Daddy.” She cackles loudly, unaware that Eddie is struggling not to choke on the air in his lungs.  

…

Albert is really good at chess.

Apparently, he won some sort of big deal tournament in South Korea. He brushes it off like no big deal whenever Chimney brings it up.

“It’s about being able to predict your opponent's move before they’ve even thought of it. You need to be three steps ahead, always. And flexible enough to adjust your strategy to the evolving game.”

Buck frowns. “That sounds really complicated. And hard.”

“I can teach you. Have you ever heard of game theory?”

“Dude, I told you I wasn’t the best in school,” Buck groans.

“Game theory is recognized as an important tool in many fields. It’s won Nobel prizes,” Albert says seriously.

Buck’s head spins from the nerd talk. “The only thing I care about, is will this even work?”

“Trust me,” Albert smiles, young and soft and genuine. “With my help, it will work.”

…

“Hi, Buck!”

Buck grins at Christopher’s excitement and quickly shoves two bags of take-out into Eddie’s hands so that he can kneel down and give Chris a hug. “Hi, buddy, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Buck!”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been over in a while. I’ve been busy.” His brow furrows, regretful, and he sneaks a quick glance at Eddie, who wears an unreadable expression while he tries to balance the bags Buck had pushed into his arms.  

“That’s okay, you’re here now.” And with that, Chris takes Buck by the hand and leads him over to the couch.

Clearly, it’s now Eddie’s responsibility to handle the food.

After dinner, Buck helps Eddie with the dishes, while Chris is engrossed by a movie in the living room.

“So I was thinking maybe you could spend the night?” Eddie says, as he rinses a dirty dish under the tap. “We can do breakfast tomorrow morning at the diner on Stratton, the one that Chris likes. And I was going to take him to the park afterwards, you know he loves having you there.”

Buck is silent for a moment, just long enough that Eddie stops and looks up from what he’s doing.

“I um… I actually have plans later tonight.”

“Oh,” Eddie says dumbly. Out the corner of his eye, the clock on the oven blinks 8:11 PM. “What kind of plans?” He asks casually.

Buck blushes and drops his gaze. “Tom’s coming over.” A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “I don’t think you want any details beyond that.”    

Eddie purses his lips and returns his attention to the dishes. He doesn’t want to think about Buck and Tom, the latter is just a faceless shadow in his mind. But one with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw.  

Nope, he does not need any more details.

“Maybe I could still join you guys at the park though?”

“Yeah,” Eddie mutters, as he scrubs a plate with far more force than necessary. “I’m sure Chris would love that.”

…

Eddie isn’t as great at hiding his emotions as he would like to believe. Maybe once upon a time he got away with it, but over the past two years, the 118 has become family to him. And families pry. They get into each other’s business, with good intentions, of course.

“Rough night?”

Eddie looks up and sees his Captain’s concerned face watching him. “Uh, sort of, Cap. I haven’t been sleeping well,” he admits. “Kind of have a lot on my mind right now. But I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s not affecting my work.”

Bobby takes a seat in the chair next to him. “You’ve been pretty quiet lately. Is everything alright at home?”

“Yeah, everything’s great,” Eddie says carefully. “Christopher is doing well and he’s loving his classes at school. Everything’s great, Cap.”

The words taste like ash and sound fake to his own ears.

“Listen, it’s my job to know when something is wrong with my team,” Bobby says seriously. “And you’ve been off for weeks now. Is there… is there something going on between you and Buck that I should know about?”

“No! No, of course not!” Eddie says, a little too quickly. “I mean… Okay, honestly, Buck hasn’t been around much lately—” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Since he’s been seeing someone and… Chris has been asking why he hasn’t been around as much, and I know that he misses him.” He sighs and runs his hands through his short hair. “I just don’t know what to do about it.”

Bobby gives him a strange look, like maybe he’s being a bit slow. “Have you tried… talking to Buck about this? I’m sure Buck is more than happy to make time for you guys. You’re family to him.”

Eddie blinks, oblivious. “No. Why would I?”

“Because it might solve all your problems.”

Eddie snorts. That doesn’t quite compute.

Bobby pats him on the shoulder and gives him a sad, knowing glance. He wonders how long it’s going to take for Eddie to admit to himself that it’s not just Chris who misses Buck.

…

“Eddie, h-hey, what’s up?”

Eddie grins. Buck’s voice is breathy like he’s just gone on a run, or been going hard at the gym. It’s a sound that Eddie associates with a bad call that ends well because they saved the day. Out of breath and gasping, but still with a grin plastered across his face so bright it could light up a room.

“What’s going on?” Comes Buck’s concerned voice over the line when Eddie doesn’t answer. “Is everything okay? Is Christopher alright?”

Eddie closes his eyes and tries to get himself out of his own head. He’s been having trouble thinking straight lately. “Yeah. Yeah man, everything’s fine. Just wondering what you’re up to tonight? Chris is having some friends over and I could use another pair of eyes on them. You know I hate being outnumbered,” he chuckles.

“Oh, I’m sorry I can’t,” Buck says, and then there’s a rush of air into the phone before he continues, “I uh… I think I’m staying in tonight.”

Eddie frowns. Something doesn’t sound quite right. He narrows his eyes and presses the phone closer to his ear. There’s rustling in the background, like something is going on over Buck’s end. “Come on, dude,” he presses. “We haven’t hung out outside of work in like two weeks.”

“Yeah, I know,” Buck drawls. “You’re hopeless without me.”

Eddie is about to say something snarky in return when he hears a muffled sound in the background, right before Buck grunts softly into his ear.

His hand tightens on his phone. “Buck?”

“W-what?” Buck sounds distracted, and then the clear sound of a backboard squeaking rhythmically tells Eddie all he needs to know. “Eddie, I gotta go,” he says breathlessly. His voice is cut off by commotion on his end of the line.

Eddie winces when he hears the clear clatter of Buck’s phone dropping to the ground.

“Shit, I dropped my phone!”

Muffled noises and heavy moans drift over the line. Warmth floods his body and Eddie feels his face flush red. It’s suddenly very hard to breathe. He should hang up. He should pretend this call never happened. He really, really should not stay on the line listening to his best friend having sex with another man.

“Oh, fuck, harder—”

Eddie closes his eyes. Buck’s face in high definition lights up in his mind, lips parted, cheeks rosy and flushed, and maybe he bites down on his bottom lip as he gets fucked—

What the hell is he doing? Thinking about Buck’s red lips and how it’s so adorable that his birthmark is the same shade as that luscious mouth—

Eddie considers hanging up yet again.

But the grunts and moans and sounds of pleasure are getting louder. And he’s suddenly so fucking hard.

“Fuck! Come on, give me more, right there—”

His hand is reaching down his pants and wrapping around his hard cock before Eddie even realizes it. He jerks himself roughly as he listens to the sound of Buck’s voice.  

He’s never come so fast in his life.

…

“Hey Chim, how’s it going with Albert?” Eddie asks. “You guys getting along any better?”

Chimney frowns and glances over at the bar where Albert, Buck, and Hen are sharing a laugh over drinks.

“They are getting along wonderfully,” Maddie answers for him.

“Well, he’s family,” Chim manages, shaking his head.

Eddie chuckles and his eyes can’t help but land on Buck and stay there.

Of course, they never mentioned the call, instead both chose to act like the whole thing never happened. Maybe Buck didn’t realize that it was blatantly obvious what he was doing when Eddie called, and maybe he didn’t realize that Eddie stayed on the line, blowing a load over him, like a goddamn creep.  

The next day, he just smiled and clapped a hand on Eddie’s shoulder like nothing was wrong. Nevermind that Eddie’s whole world was crashing around him because he got himself off to his best friend being fucked by another guy. And the orgasm he had over Buck’s voice was more intense than any he’d had with the random women he’d slept with over the past month.

He can’t even remember their names.

So lost in thought, he doesn’t realize that Maddie and Chim are giving each other smirks and looks while he’s distracted.

“What’s going on with you, Mr. Mopey?” Chimney asks.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asks, confused.

“Come on, you’ve been acting off for weeks,” Chim says while Maddie tries to hide a laugh. “Everyone’s noticed. Just admit it.”

“Admit what?” Eddie genuinely has no idea what he’s talking about.

“You can’t possibly be that thick,” Chim says slowly.

Maddie pats him on the shoulder. “Babe, don’t push it.”

“Oh, come on! Even Albert won’t stop talking about it—”

Eddie never finds out what it is because they’re interrupted by the presence of none other than the man who is the star of his wet dreams.

“What’s up, guys?” Buck’s grin is a mile wide and he’s just loose enough from a few drinks that he’s extra handsy. And he’s pretty handsy with Eddie on a regular day.

Eddie swallows the lump in his throat as his skin hyper focuses on Buck’s arm around his shoulders. He quickly takes another drink of his beer so that he doesn’t have to answer.

And then he spends the rest of the night hoping and praying that his jeans are tight enough to hide the obvious erection in his pants.

…

Eddie thinks it can’t possibly get any worse. He’s wrong.

Weeks of blue balls and pining leave him in a near constant bad mood. Even Chris has noticed that he’s been snappier than usual—which of course, makes him feel like an asshole.  

Buck hasn’t mentioned anything, though everyone else seems to be avoiding him like the plague.

And then during one of their shifts, twenty minutes after Eddie texts Buck to confirm his pizza topping of choice for lunch, he receives a photo to their text message chain. He thinks he’s hallucinating when the little icon image pops up on his screen.

But then he opens the image and his eyes bulge wide out of their sockets.  

Buck is shirtless. It’s not like Eddie hasn’t seen the guy naked before. After all, they’ve spent plenty of time together in the showers and locker room at the firehouse. It’s the look on his face that gets him. The angle is taken from above. It’s meant to be sexual. Buck is biting his lip, head tilted back, a look of absolute sin gracing his handsome features. Eddie has never thought of his friend as pretty before, but god damn, Buck is pretty.

And as Eddie’s eyes trail down Buck’s chest, down his chiseled abs, they travel over the gorgeous V of his hip bones, to just past the base of his shaft, the rest cut off by his boxer briefs pulled down by the hook of his thumb.

The picture was clearly meant for something else.

Eddie doesn’t know what the fuck to do. He’s torn between confronting Buck about this egregious error that he made and running into the bathroom to jerk off.

In hindsight, the latter would have been better. After all, with post-nut clarity, he never would have done what he actually did, which is yell at Buck, in front of the whole firehouse.

“What the actual fuck?!”

Buck gapes at the lewd image on his phone, when shoved in his face. “I—I am so sorry, Eddie!” He stutters, red with embarrassment. “I did not mean to send that to you! I—I didn’t check the chain, and I had forgotten that you texted me your order—”

“You think I want to be getting shit like this on my phone?” Eddie rages. “Be more fucking careful next time you send shit like this to your boyfriend, or whoever the hell he is!”

Buck looks hurt. “Sorry, man,” he says softly. “It won’t happen again.”

Head bowed, Buck walks away with his tail tucked between his legs, leaving Eddie feeling like the biggest asshole on the face of this earth.

It doesn’t help that their little squabble had gained an audience.

Eddies groans and clenches his fists by his sides. He fights the urge to smash his phone to pieces.

He never does delete that photo.

…

Eddie’s not sure how they got to this point. Their friends pity them and Bobby has personally demanded that they resolve their differences. Fast. Or they won’t be covering the same shifts anymore. And now Buck is mad and wanting answers.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you, Buck.”

“You haven’t looked at me in days. If this is still about the pic that I accidentally sent you—”

“No!” Eddie says loudly. “No, it’s not about that. I am definitely way past that.”

Buck pauses and stares at him in disbelief. “Then why doesn’t it feel that way?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie swallows thickly. “Maybe you’re just imagining things.”

“You’ve been acting like a real dick lately,” Buck says blatantly. “If you have a problem with me, you should just say it.”

Eddie bites his tongue. “Nope. No problem at all.”

Buck grits his teeth and storms away. And that’s that.

…

Not too long later, Eddie reaches his breaking point.

“Alright, fine! Maybe I am pissed at you!” Eddie gives in to the weeks of loneliness and sexual frustration and yells at his friend. “I’m pissed that you haven’t been around! And when you are, you’re distracted and distant and all you talk about is this Tom fella—”

“My boyfriend?”

“Whatever!” Eddie says. “Fuck!”

He knows he’s being a Grade A asshole, but he can’t help himself. Buck drives him crazy and he has no idea how to stop it.

A long moment passes before Buck speaks, “Well, not to get your hopes up or anything,” he says softly. “But this Tom thing might not last much longer.”

Eddie’s curiosity is piqued. Despite knowing better, he asks, “What’s going on?”

Buck shrugs uncomfortably. “I think we just want different things. Probably not going to work out in the long run.”

“And… what do you want?”

Buck looks at him and for a second Eddie gets lost in the blue of his eyes. “I want something real, you know? And I thought that’s what he wanted too, but… he wants to keep it open. Keep seeing other people.” He sighs heavily, sounding sad and defeated. “Which I was fine with for a while, but… I kind of thought he’d change his mind eventually.”

Buck shakes his head. “Sorry, man. You don’t want to hear about this—”

“Tom’s a fucking asshole,” Eddie spits.

Buck blinks in surprise. “W-what?” He chuckles softly.

“You heard me. He’s a fucking asshole. I’ll kick his ass if I ever meet him.”  

Buck stares at him for a long moment. And then his face breaks into a grin. “Thanks, Eddie. You’re a good friend.”

Eddie nods. For the first time in a long time, he does feel like a good friend. Because he would absolutely kick anyone’s ass who hurt Buck.

…

Things between them get better after that.

And one evening, after the end of a long shift, Eddie and Buck get good and truly hammered.

It’s been a long time since Eddie had drank that much. But they don’t have to work the next day, Chris is sleeping over at Abuela’s, and him and Buck are friends again. So he lets loose and just goes along with whatever Buck wants. And Buck leans very much into his personal space in his drunk and disorderly state.

Eddie doesn’t mind one bit. Like an idiot, he doesn’t push him away.

He misses the laughs and doesn’t catch the mild looks of judgment and concern from Hen and Chim, because he’s too drunk to care. And when Albert keeps pushing tequila shots their way, he giggles and throws them back with Buck because it finally feels like they’re them again. And he’s really missed this.

…

The pillow that smacks him in the face wakes him up fast. With a startled gasp, Eddie blinks the sleep and haze out of his eyes. The first thing he registers is his throbbing headache.  “What the hell—” The second is the pillow that hits him again before he can do anything more than blink dumbly in surprise. And then he’s pissed. “What the fuck, Buck?!”  

“Stop that!” Eddie grabs the pillow before the other man can hit him again. “This is not exactly the morning after I was hoping for!”

“What exactly were you hoping for?! What the hell, Eddie?! We had sex last night! TOGETHER!” Buck’s voice gets higher until he’s nearly screeching, which is not great for either of their hangovers. He seems to suddenly realize he’s naked because he pulls the covers up tighter around himself as if it might preserve his chastity. A bit late for that, Eddie thinks.

“You… asshole! What the hell?!”  

Eddie rubs the residual fog out of his eyes and stares at him. “You told Chim last night that you would give your left nut to suck my dick, so what the hell are you complaining about?” He smirks and nods at the shocked expression on Buck’s face. “Yeah, apparently, you get reeeal chatty when you’ve had tequila.”

“Chim said what?” Buck whispers softly, looking mildly shell-shocked and like he really wants to bury himself in the earth and never come out again.

“Oh, and by the way, I am way hotter than that guy you were flirting with at the bar,” Eddie growls, indignant and affronted. “If you want to know regret, know that you could have woken up next to that!”

“He—he was perfectly fine looking,” Buck stutters.

At the same time that Eddie hisses, “Man-bun.”

“And more importantly,” Buck continues harshly. “Since when do you sleep with guys?”

“Since last night, apparently,” Eddie says steely, not nearly as mortified and shocked as he should be. He adds, “And it was really great. Morning after could use some work though.”

Buck swallows. “I never thought… I never thought you were interested.”

“Neither did I,” Eddie lies. He takes a breath, counts to three in his head, and on a whim and a prayer, he reaches for Buck and crashes their lips together with such force that they nearly topple over.

They’re all awkward limbs and gross tequila morning breath—and yet, they seem to fit together perfectly in each other’s arms. They fall back onto Buck’s sheets. A mess of gangly limbs, dried bodily fluids, and lips desperate to feel more.  

Perfect.

…

If anyone were to ask what this thing is between him and Buck, Eddie would say that it’s casual. That’s the word he likes to use when he thinks of them. They’re sleeping together and it’s good and hot and mindblowing sex. But it’s also easy. Because Buck is uncomplicated, and he’s there again when Chris wants him. He loves Christopher, Eddie has no doubt about that. And most importantly, Eddie can get laid whenever he wants.

“Hey, so I was thinking about asking Carla to stay late this Friday to watch Chris,” Buck brings up to him one night. “Maybe you and I can go out to dinner after our shift. We could go some place nice. That new restaurant on Main St. maybe.”

Eddie follows his first instinct which is to laugh, because it sounds like Buck just suggested that they go out on a date. The look on Buck’s face says that he made a mistake.

“Wait, you’re serious?” Eddie asks after seeing the dejected look on Buck’s face.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Buck’s voice is low and strange.

“Because that… that sounds like a date,” Eddie says incredulously. “That’s not what you and I do. We don’t go to nice restaurants, we’re not—”

“A couple?” Buck cuts him off roughly. His expression has grown hard. “So what exactly are we?”

It’s a rare moment when Eddie is at a loss for words, but right now they seem to be stuck in his throat and he has no idea what to say.

“What exactly is this to you, Eddie?” Buck asks slowly.

“We’re just… good friends helping each other out,” he manages.

“Friends?” Buck demands, eyes narrowed and furious. “I’ve sucked your cock, I think we’re a little beyond friends, Eddie.”

“Jesus, Buck! Keep your voice down!” Eddie hisses, even though Chris’s room is on the other end of the house and he’s probably fast asleep at this hour.

But now Buck just looks defeated and hurt, and it’s the last thing that Eddie wanted.

“I thought this meant more to you,” Buck says quietly. “I guess I was wrong.”

“Look, Buck,” Eddie starts. “You know I love you, man. Just… just not like that. I can’t do that.”

Buck scoffs and looks away, which makes Eddie feel worse.

“I told you, a long time ago, that I’m not looking for anything serious, with anyone. It’s… it’s not you, Buck. It’s just that, I have a son to think about.” It makes sense in his head. It’s not like he’s sleeping with anyone else. He just needs to make Buck see.

“Okay.”

Eddie blinks. Okay? “Yeah?”

Buck nods. “Yeah,” he says softly. He slowly turns away, looking lost for a moment, before turning back, eyes glazed and hurt and unseeing. “I’m gonna go.” He says, pointing a thumb behind him. He starts gathering his things to leave and Eddie’s heart sinks into his gut. It hurts like there’s a knife buried there, twisting.

“Wait, no,” Eddie says desperately. “Buck, don’t leave—” He reaches for him but Buck snatches his arm away before Eddie can make contact. Somehow that stings more than when Shannon asked for a divorse.  

Buck is adamant about avoiding eye contact, or any type of contact at all.

He’s hurt. And Eddie hates that this time, he was the one to do it.

“I’ll see you later, man,” Buck mutters, and then he’s gone.

Eddie stands, alone in his kitchen, feeling more lost than ever before.

…

Hen, bless her soul, is the first to pull him aside and demand to know how he managed to fuck up such a sure, good thing.

“What kind of moron are you?” She asks after she listens to his side of the story.

“W-what?” Eddie sputters helplessly. “This isn’t my fault.”

“You are both miserable,” she says bluntly. “Why?!”

Eddie sighs heavily and agrees. “Buck looked like he was about to dry heave when I stepped into the station today,” he says sadly.

“You are dumber than a bag of rocks. Eddie Diaz, I’m going to say this once and only once. You. Love. Him.” She says, enunciating each word.

“Of course, I love him,” Eddie responds. “He’s my closest friend. He’s Buck. I trust him with everything—”

“No, you dumbass. I mean, you love him. He’s not just some rando hookup you picked up for a night. He’s not just a friend, he’s Buck, the guy who would rather die than see anything bad happen to you or your son. He’s the guy who loves your kid like his own. And, speaking as a mother, that is not something to be said lightly.”

“I know Buck loves Chris,” Eddie says softly. “And I never asked him to, he just…” His voice trails off, as the realization slowly dawns on him.

Hen raises a brow. “Let me ask you a question,” she says slowly. “Why did you stop looking for girls to sleep with? You stopped long before you and Buck started this thing between you two. So why? Why did you stop?”

“I…” Fuck. Eddie remembers the longing that he felt when Buck was with someone else. He remembers how much it hurt. Like someone had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. “Anyone else just… wasn’t what I wanted,” he realizes.

“So what are you waiting for now, dummy?”

“I’m scared,” Eddie admits. “I thought that it would be too difficult or too complicated, or whatever dumb shit I was thinking at the time. I thought it wasn’t worth the risk. To me and to my son.”

“And is it?” Hen asks softly.

Eddie bites his lip. “If this goes sideways, I don’t know what it’ll do to Christopher. That kid has lost so much already. And he loves Buck to death, if this doesn’t work out—”

“Kids are a lot tougher than we like to give them credit for. I’m saying this from one parent to another. You can’t let that hold you back. You can’t let it stop you from going after what you really want. Trust me, Chris will understand. He probably already knows you’re head over heads for his Buck.”

Eddie laughs and bows his head. “Yeah, probably. I never did hide it very well, did I?”

“No, you didn’t,” Hen agrees.

“I think I was wrong,” Eddie finally whispers.

Hen’s fingers flex around his forearm, offering what comfort she can.  “Are you done being an idiot yet?”

Eddie considers it. “Yeah, I think so. I just gotta clear it with one more person,” he says softly.

…

His son is the most important person in his life. Eddie has so much to make up for. He was away for so long and he missed so much. And he vowed that he would never let Christopher down again.

But he has. Of course he has, he’s only human. But he keeps trying and he never gives up. And he figures that’s got to count for something.

For over two years, Eddie watched the relationship blossom between Buck and Chris. He watched as Buck doted on his kid, took him under his wing, and not long after, he started loving him.

Eddie now includes Buck’s name on his list of emergency contacts.

It took a little while longer, but eventually Eddie realizes that Chris looks up to Buck like another parent.

The moment really came when he peeks into Chris’s bedroom and sees Buck reading his son a bedtime story, one of Christopher’s favorites. Chris insists every night that Buck is there. Buck does the voices better than Eddie.

There they are, side by side. Chris’s eyes are drooping, no longer focused on the page. Buck’s voice is still animated and excited, though getting softer by the minute. And the look on his face, Eddies loves that look. Eddie loves him.

It’s a terrifying thought.

It catches him off guard. It scares him. Chris already lost one parent. Eddie couldn’t bear his son losing another. So he kept Buck at a distance. Tried to draw a line between what he had with Buck and what they had as a family.

Hen was right, he was a goddamn moron.

Buck was family long before he and Eddie got wasted and fell into bed with each other.

“Hey, kiddo,” Eddie kneels down by his son where he’s playing with his toys in the living room.

“Hi, Dad.”

Chris’s grin warms his heart and Eddie can’t help but smile as well. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

Eddie smiles at his kid, the shining epitome love of his life. “I want to talk to you about Buck.”

Chris’s grin grows wider. “I like Buck. Is he coming over tonight?”

“I like Buck, too.” Eddie says carefully. “So you… you like it when Buck is here?”

“Yeah, Buck is fun. And he loves me.”

“He sure does. Who wouldn’t love you, kiddo?” Eddie jokes.

“No,” Chris shakes his head. “Buck is special.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “And why is that?”

“Because you love him, Dad.”

Eddie freezes. He closes his jaw and swallows the lump in his throat. “Chris, how… how did you know that?” He whispers.

“The way you look at him,” Chris says easily. “And the way you act around him.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie presses.

“When Buck was hurt, you were really worried,” Chris explains. “You were sad and you were upset, and you would do everything you could to make him feel better. Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Eddie says softly. When Buck got crushed by a ladder truck, there were moments when Eddie thought he was going to lose him forever. He was scared—terrified. Not just for Buck’s health and safety, but he was scared that his life could forever be changed because some asshole kid decided to play bomber.

And when Buck almost died from the pulmonary embolism, because he pushed himself too hard—that made Eddie angry. Angry that Buck risked his life and his health and did this to himself. And maybe if Eddie had tried harder to be there for him, Buck wouldn’t have felt the need to get back to where he was so quickly.

Apparently, Eddie didn’t hide this very well.

“When Buck’s not here, you’re sad,” Chris says softly. “When he’s here, you’re happy.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. Kids make it sound so simple. He has a hard time remembering why he’s been acting like an idiot for so long. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“So you love him,” Chris says simply.

“I do,” Eddie says quietly, tears growing in his eyes. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Of course I am, Dad. Buck is amazing,” Chris says with a grin.

Eddie has never been so grateful that he has such an amazing kid. He still can’t believe he lucked out, that he has such a wonderful son. “Yeah,” he agrees, pulling him into a hug. Tears trail down his cheeks, but they’re happy tears. “Buck really is amazing.”

Chris smiles and lets out a soft laugh against him. “I love Buck, too, Dad.”

So, now Eddie has some groveling to do.

…

Buck isn’t surprised when he opens his door to see Eddie on the other side. He does huff in annoyance though. “What are you doing here?” He asks. They haven’t spoken since Buck walked out. Buck has avoided his calls and the texts go unanswered.

Eddie doesn’t answer at first. But he motions awkward with his arm and Buck eventually steps back to let him in.

“Look, I really don’t want to do this with you, Eddie—”

“Of course, you don’t,” Eddie says quickly. “We were always awful when we’re mad at each other. Over such dumb shit too.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Buck gives him an odd look. “Am I just supposed to get over it? I mean, I’ve had your dick up my ass, are we just supposed to pretend that never happened?”  

Eddie blushes. “Yeah, that’s not really a memory I want to erase from existence, so…”

Buck stares at him, stubborn and calm. “So, what exactly are you saying?”

“What I’m trying to say, is that I’ve been acting like a royal idiot lately,” Eddie says. “I did pretty much everything wrong. I didn’t think that I wanted you until you were with someone else. And then when I did have you, I didn’t realize that what we had was so much more than I ever gave us credit for.”

Buck stays stubbornly silent. But he’s not kicking him out, which is enough to make Eddie continue. “I need you to know that I love you, and not just as a friend. I love you like a partner, like Chris’s second dad, like a missing piece of myself, and when you’re not there… it literally feels like my life is falling apart.”

His breath shudders and he sighs, trying to get a hold of himself. “I am so lost without you, Buck. And I was such an idiot that I didn’t realize it sooner. So, please… I am asking from the bottom of my heart… will you give me another chance?”

“I always knew you were an idiot,” Buck eventually says. “I don’t know where Chris gets his smarts from, because it definitely isn’t you.”

Eddie grins and takes a hesitant step forward. “Yeah, I deserve that,” he says softly, and then he takes another step. “You’re right, I was an idiot.”

“I’m gonna make you take me out, you know,” Buck whispers. “You’re gonna have to wine and dine me, and I mean, the good, expensive stuff.”

“Whatever you want, babe. I swear.” Eddie takes another final step and then he’s crowding into Buck’s space, pressing tight against his chest. He leans up to press their lips together and Buck’s got that look in his eyes that Eddie knows all too well. The look that says he’s in too deep, he loves too much, and if Eddie hurts him again, that’ll be the end of him.

But Eddie swears to high heaven, he’ll do his best to never ever hurt this man again.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been such an idiot,” Eddie murmurs against his lips.

“You swear you’ll stay with me this time?” Buck asks. “You’ll try this for real with me?”

Eddie nods. He presses their lips together, again and again, like he can’t get enough. His fingers are wrapped tight around the other man’s shirt, and he can tell Buck is holding himself back. He presses his weight against him, pushing him through the small apartment until they both fall against the couch—the stairs being too much to traverse in their state. The intense heat of their bodies together opens all the floodgates.  

“I promise you, Buck. For real. You and me,” Eddie nods his head, his fingers fumble with Buck’s zipper, and then his own. “Like we should have been this whole goddamn time.”

When the clothes are off and skin is pressed to bare skin, they moan like starved men gasping for air. There’s lube somewhere in Buck’s coffee table drawer, and a box of condoms. Eddie presses his fingers into the hard flesh along Buck’s hips and buries his face in the crook of his neck. He sucks bruises into Buck’s skin, tastes him on his tongue and smells him in his nostrils. He can feel the other man’s pulse; strong, fast, and steady. He feels it rise and flutter as he moves inside him.

Their bodies grind together and the feeling is intoxicating; hot, sickly, and sweet. They’re reckless and dangerous and so in love that they’re sure nothing they’ve ever experienced even comes close to this.

They groan and pant and freefall toward climax together, limbs wrapped around each other, messy and uncoordinated. And when it’s over, Eddie presses his sweaty temple gently against Buck’s cheek. He’s gasping, struggling to catch his breath.

Buck chuckles softly, his hand comes up to wrap around Eddie’s arm. Their sounds echo through the apartment, a familiar comfort to them both.  

“I’m hungry,” Buck says softly, before Eddie has even pulled out of him. “You wanna grab some food?”

Eddie grins and nods his head.

This feels good, he thinks to himself, better than anything he’s had before. And this time, he’s going to remember that.

…  

Some time later:

“Chim, your brother is still here?” Eddie nods to Albert who’s engrossed in conversation with Buck by the bar. Eddie narrows his eyes at the serious look on Buck’s face. He wonders what they’re talking about.

Chimney gives him a strange look, perhaps surprised that he asked, and then he shrugs. “Yeah, thought he was staying a few weeks. Guess that’s turned into a few months now.”

“Couch-surfing for months, that’s got to be rough,” Eddie comments.

“My couch, random strange hook ups’ couches, Buck’s couch. That guy really knows how to get around.”

Eddie frowns. “Buck’s couch?” He knew Albert had stayed at Buck’s place once, after Chimney blew up at him. Not that it had happened again though.

Chim raises his eyebrows. “You don’t know? They hang out like… all the time. It’s fucking weird, man. If I didn’t know you and Buck got a serious thing going on, I’d be a little worried about Buckaroo over there taking my little brother’s innocence.”

Eddie gapes. “Are you serious?” His eyes fly around the bar again, not knowing what he thought he’d see. Buck and Albert look the same as they did twenty seconds ago, still talking by the bar.

“I’m kidding!” Chim says, laughing as he slaps Eddie on the arm. “Of course, I’m kidding!”

Eddie breathes in relief.

Until Chim continues, “My little brother doesn’t have an ounce of innocence inside him.”

Eddies doesn’t know how to approach this. He wants to know why he didn’t know—why Buck didn’t tell him that he was apparently close to Chimney’s estranged half-brother. He wants to go over there and find out what they’re talking about. How does he do that without coming across like some jealous asshole? His mind flips back and forth between playing it cool and storming over there.

Thankfully, Buck saves him the trouble.

He pulls him aside and looks hesitant when he speaks, which Eddie takes note of right away.

“Hey, can we talk about something real quick?” Buck asks.

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie says carefully. “What’s going on?

“Um,” Buck shifts uncomfortably. “You know how I kind of made you grovel when you came back? And I kind of emphasized how you were a total dick, who needed to beg and plead before getting back into my pants?”

Eddie snorts. “Yeah.” He remembers it vividly.

“Okay,” Buck admits. “So, I’m kind of an asshole.”

“You weren’t that bad,” Eddie chuckles.

“No,” Buck insists. “I actually am kind of a dick.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He clicks and swipes while Eddie watches confused until Buck holds the screen up in front of his face.

Eddie doesn’t know what he’s looking at. It’s his contact info, with call data, and all their incoming and outgoing calls.

“Eighteen minutes and twenty-three seconds.”

Eddie stares, blank and confused, until it dawns on him. He sees the call log. He sees the date and the numbers and there’s only one possibility. Eighteen minutes and twenty-three seconds that he stayed on the line. Listening. Like a perv.

“Um… I—I wasn’t—” He stutters. “I don’t know what—”

“Don’t be embarrassed, I knew you were listening,” Buck says quickly as he shoves his phone back in his pocket. “Um, I don’t really know how to tell you this, but… Tom wasn’t real.”

“What?” Eddie blinks and struggles to process. “Tom, your… ex-boyfriend?”

Buck looks genuinely shameful. “Yeah, he was… kind of, made up?” He says lightly.    

Eddie’s mind sort of short-circuits then. Because what the hell does that mean? “W-what?!” He sputters.

“I’m sorry!” Buck says quickly. And then he rolls into a tangent that Eddie can only hope to follow as best his can. “It was Albert’s idea, ‘cause I was complaining about how much I was in love with you. And apparently, I talk about you a lot, like non-stop and he was getting sick of it. And I think I was moping and pissing him off because he just wanted a drinking buddy. And then he kept going on and on about behavior theory and logical decision making and all this other shit that I don’t really understand!”

Eddie blinks and Buck continues, “He told me what to do to get you and I just went along with it! He told me to invent some guy and it would make you realize what you wanted all along… And that if I threatened to pull away, you would realize that you love me and that this thing between us—” He gestures quickly with his hands. “—is real. And it worked!”

Buck shrugs, a small, hopeful expression on his face. “Except now I kind of feel like a dick because I made you feel bad, and he said that I should come clean about everything and that you wouldn’t mind because you love me too—”

“Wait, wait, wait… hold up,” Eddie’s mind hasn’t quite caught up yet. “You lied to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Buck whispers.

“Tom was… was a lie?” Eddie tries to think of the evidence. He never met the guy, never even saw a photo. Buck just kept talking about him… “But the call…”

“Yeah, I kind of had a bit of fun with that one,” Buck grins bashfully. “Our first phone sex!” He tries to joke, but it falls flat when he sees the look on Eddie’s face.  

“You tricked me? You’ve been lying this whole time?”

“Well, I… I prefer to think of it as, I used dishonest tactics to persuade you…”

“The—the fucking… naked picture of you…” Eddie’s jaw drops as the pieces finally come together in his head. “You sent that to me on purpose!”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says softly.

“I cannot believe this! You—you inserted yourself into my life, lied to me for months, pull yourself away, and of course, I’m over here tweaking like an addict without dope! And feeling like the biggest jerk in the world!”

“Well, that’s a bit dramatic, I think.”

“Where is that asshole?”

Buck’s eyes widen comically when he sees the other man prepare for a rampage. “Eddie, wait!”

But Eddie’s already making his way back to the group. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but he knows that he’s furious, embarrassed that he was played so easily, and completely blind-sided by the truth. He can’t even put his thoughts in order to make a coherent—

“Hey, asshole!”

All eyes turn to him, shocked by his outburst. Hen and Chim are clearly confused, unsure of what’s going on. A second later, he registers that Buck has caught up to him. The expression on his face is oddly reminiscent of Scrat from the Ice Age movies that Chris loves watching. Stunned, sheepish, and a little bit of ‘did I do that?’

“What the hell is wrong with you?! You think you can just mess with people’s heads like this?! You think you can just treat this shit like a game, like… like some fucking chess game?!”

“Eddie, stop!” Buck pleads.

“Whoa, wait, what the hell is going on?” Chim asks.

“You fucking piece of shit, I ought to—”

Albert stands slowly, his hands held up innocently in front of him. Eddie breathes slowly through his nose. He can feel Buck’s presence behind him, ready to hold him back in case he decides to do something royally stupid.

“I’m sorry if you feel fooled,” Albert says carefully. “We had no intention to hurt you. Quite the opposite, actually.”

Behind him, the others stare, mouths gaping. “What is happening right now?” Maddie whispers.

“Eddie, please think about this,” Buck says softly. “Please—”

Eddie cuts him off by taking a step forward. They all hold their breaths. And then, to their surprise and his own, Eddie wraps his arms around Albert in a tight hug. “You are such an asshole.” His voice is tight and strangled. “But thank you.”

“Okay, can someone please explain what is going on?” Chim asks. “We’re kind of losing our minds over here.”

“I think we might need some more drinks for this,” Hen says, right before she and Maddie share a look.

“Amen, sister.”

Later, after everyone is caught up and thoroughly impressed—

“I studied game theory in college,” Albert explains.

“Glad to see you’re doing something good with that fancy education of yours,” Chim says sarcastically.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know about this,” Maddie says, incredulous. “Who knew you were such a good actor?” She smacks her little brother on the arm and chuckles at Buck’s yelp.

—and Buck and Eddie finally have a moment to themselves, Buck asks him, “So I can relax and trust that you’re not going to kick his ass?”

Eddie sighs and shakes his head. “I wanted to.”

“You had me worried there for a second.”

“Albert’s genius is what got me to stop being an idiot,” Eddie says softly. “He got us together, and you are the love of my life. I could never hate him for that.”

Buck makes a face, about to coo and aww at the ‘love of his life’ comment until Eddie continues. “You, on the other hand, you lied to me. For months. You manipulated me, made me feel like an asshole for hurting you. And this whole time, you were playing me. I think I’m owed some groveling now.”

Buck pouts and says, “My feelings were never a lie. I’ve been in love with you for years and I was getting desperate. You know, desperate measures and all.” His lips turn up a little and he wraps an arm around Eddie’s waist, tugging him close. “I’m so sorry, Eddie. Please don’t be mad at me. After all, I am the love of your life.”

Eddie grins and leans close, pressing their lips together for a gentle kiss.

“Yeah, you really are.”

Fin.

[movedto-jewishbucke]

@cupidmarwani​ // this isn’t 100% happy but here we go

I think along with being bullied for being “weird” (aka showing signs of (unmedicated) ADHD) he was also bullied for being GNC, or “obviously” gay, even though he was like... convinced he was cis and straight (until high school)

10 y/o Buck: it’s completely normal to get “!!!” when the cashier at subway calls you sir even though you’re definitely definitely definitely a girl :) 100% girl :)

I think it’s important to note that he definitely knew that, like, gay people were a thing - I think there was probably an elderly lesbian couple that frequented his shul as a child and he was always just *saucer eyes* at them

(also he didn’t know why he was so “obsessed” with seeing gay couples on the street... or at his shul... until he was like “oh... I am a gay people... nice :)”)

12 y/o Buck: being uncomfortable with your birth name to the point of being nauseous every time you hear it is super normal actually :) anyway call me Buck or I’ll kick your shins :)

anyway Buck joined GSA his freshman yr of high school because he thought it’d be a great way to be an Ally(tm) and definitely wouldn’t awaken anything in him :)

when he joined GSA that’s when he met his Very First Trans Person

but let’s be real - he has probably met a trans person before without knowing it but, like, this was the first trans person he met who was like “I’m trans :)”

anyway! she was a trans woman (Ellie), two grades above him, and the first time she talked about her experiences(tm), Buck was just *saucer eyes* and he was just :O

14 y/o Buck: this sounds similar to my experiences :) I’m not trans though :) because I’m a Girl :) 100% a girl :)

but like anyway he kept going to GSA... as an Ally(tm)... and also he asked Ellie a lot of questions because he wanted to be a Great Ally(tm) and not because he was trans

two months later he was like “hmm... so that seems like... it was a lie...” and he came out - only to the people in GSA though - and he started testing the waters with new names (but he still mostly went by Buck as a “safe” name)

he came out to Maddie first- over winter break. it was the fifth night of Hanukkah. their parents had gone to bed and they were sitting in the living room, watching the candles burn, and eating the last of the latkes (and also arguing a little over which topping is best- sour cream or ketchup)

then he just kind of blurted it out- it definitely went something like “I’m sorry but ketchup is the best topping, you’re just wrong :/” then he blurts out “I’m trans” and Maddie’s probably kind of like “...okay? that has nothing to do with what is the superior topping but... okay? I still love you?”

obviously I think they have a more... serious, in-depth discussion about Buck being trans later but when he first tells her they just kind of leave it at that and move on

he comes out to their parents (with Maddie’s support) probably the first week of summer and I think they’re a little confused but they’re pretty supportive and do their best to educate themselves (Maddie helps them because almost as soon as Buck told her she did a lot of reading, I think)

also he comes out to his friends over the summer as well and probably loses a ton of them which sucks a lot for him because he didn’t think they’d have that poor of a reaction (especially considering they were supportive of their other friend who came out as gay a few months prior)

anyway, I like the idea of Maddie picking his name! with his permission of course... like I think they’re chilling in Buck’s room, talking about Trans Things(tm), and Maddie’s just “so is Buck going to be your name or........? because I love you but Buck Buckley sounds bad”

Buck’s kind of like >:( though he agrees and is just “uh no :/ I can’t find a name that fits though :/” and so Maddie’s like “oooh can I pick” and he’s like “...I will take suggestions, yes”

it’s not until halfway thru summer that Maddie finally comes up with a name- Evan -and they spend the summer calling him it just to see how he feels about it and he’s “!!!”

the last day of summer, Maddie cuts Buck’s hair and the euphoria!!! whew!!! his parents aren’t Too Happy about that but mostly because they end up having to take him to a professional hairstylist to Fix It and by the time they’re done fixing it, his curls are gone :(

Buck starts sophomore year with a semi-new wardrobe, a new name, a new haircut- a new everything

things are still :/ but he really does find out who is Real Friends are during sophomore yr and a lot of people are pretty supportive of him being trans(tm) and also he makes new friends!!! who love and support him!!!

also I think his extended family are pretty supportive- a little confused but supportive and they definitely slip up (just like his parents do sometimes) but it’s not malicious

his parents coordinate with the rabbi to see if he can have a bar mitzvah (since he had a bat mitzvah for his 12th birthday) and for his 16th birthday he gets a bar mitzvah and also a new (masculine) Hebrew name that his parents help him pick out :0

also Maddie buys him an LGBT siddur because I think that’s neat (there actually is an LGBT siddur- iirc it was created by a reconstructionist or reform synagogue in San Francisco)

also for his 16th birthday, his name is legally changed so he’s officially Evan Buckley on all of his documents and also his gender marker is changed too :)

anyway!! shortly after his 16th birthday, they start working on getting him on testosterone- because his therapist recommended it and it’s something Buck has been wanting for a hot minute

he starts testosterone a few months later which is very fun for him and he’s very :)

Maddie bullies him for having (and refusing to shave) his rat mustache but it’s all in good fun and also it is kind of ugly

(luckily for Maddie, he ends up growing a beard when his testosterone dosage is upped so the rat ‘stache doesn’t hang around)

anyway, he gets top surgery (double incision) the summer after he graduates- insurance covered some of it but the rest is covered by his parents (due to the cost they basically tell him that’s his grad gift which is fine with him tbh)

I think after top surgery Buck is pretty much... not dysphoric?

like, I don’t see him as having bad bottom dysphoria and most of the things he was dysphoric about went away after top surgery and testosterone

(ie his voice got deeper; he got taller on testosterone (though he was tall to begin with imo); his chest got [redacted]; etc)

so, like, yeah- I think he has bottom dysphoria but it’s “mild” (if any dysphoria can be called mild) and it’s not bad enough that he wants, or feels he needs, any of the bottom surgeries available

also he does pack but not consistently imo? I feel it’s mostly cause he forgets to because, again, he just... isn’t bothered by what’s going on down there

I think that is all... also I can’t believe I wrote... almost 1300 words... solely on trans!buck headcanons... we stan... I guess?

[buddietomytarlos]

9-1-1 S4 Ep4 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts are under the cut :)

- I’m so excited and scared to find out what the Buckley secret is.

- ARMED HOOLIGANS… ma’am being sprayed with water— MAY POPPING OFF WITH THE CODES WHAT A QUEEN. wait what the hell just happened—

- BUCK AND EDDIE ARE TOTALLY THAT COUPLE WHO WATCH MURDER MYSTERIES TOGETHER TO FIGURE OUT WHODUNNIT

- But Chim acting weird around Buck… what could he have found out asdfgjkl;

- Buck calling him and Maddie a united front 🥺🥺 saying that she cannot leave his side.

- LMAOOOOOO ALBERT FUCKING TAKES OFF. My mom and I are giggling to ourselves

- THE 118 FAHSDJFAKS. The way he goes down the pole lmao.

- May and Michael 🥺🥺🥺 Healthy family bonds ahhhh

- GOD no wonder she was murdered. NOT HER TRYING TO MURDER THEIR DOG. It ain’t that serious ma. I love those suburb mystery episodes.

- Buck taking in deep breaths aw my poor baby. Why do the Buckley parens care about nicknames lol like??

- … the way his parents don’t seem to care about him whatsoever literally I am 🤬🤬🤬

- CHIM LEAVING IMMEDIATELY. Also “is everything alright?” that’s what a therapist is for

- the second the flour came into play on that woman I just KNEW it was gonna be her lol

-May confiding in Cap PLEASE

- CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATE AHHHHHHH. It has her name 🥺🥺🥺

- WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE BOMB ASPECT OF THE EP-

- “You shouldn’t be doing that.” Gathering all the information you can??

- Eddie discreetly telling Chim he knows and that he’ll tell Cap. King sit!

- Chim really telling this bomber about Buck’s family secret fhajkdfk also I love them paralleling the conversations it’s something 9-1-1 does fantastically

- CHIM GOING IN FOR THE HIT DAMNNNNNNN KING SHIT!!!!! what a legend

- STAN CALLING OUT BUCK AND EVERYONE ASKING CHIM ABOUT IT

- Hen not wanting to be a part of it 🥺🥺 

- Even though no one can hear her, Athena saying “like a damned cat” lolol

- SHE SHOT HERSELF… BECAUSE OF A DOG… damn that sucks bro lmao

- “From what you hear?” BITCH BUCK LOOKS SO SAD I JUST WANNA GIVE HIM A HUG. “Cause you could’ve come.” Buck looking between his mom and Maddie, knowing they’re keeping something.

- “When do I get mine.” BUCK 😭😭😭

- “Yeah, people make mistakes. Doesn’t mean you give up on them.” !!!!!!

- Buck going off is something that’s been long needed we love to see it.

- “And you wanna know why I am really in therapy? It’s because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment.” 😭😭

- “We were supposed to? We were kids!” A lot of adults make their (usually oldest) kid(s) out to be an adult when their not and in my family that is absolutely prevalent and it SUCKS. I’m a 22 year old adult who knows I have to grow up but because I’ve been taking care of everyone, I still act like a teenager. This hits so fucking hard rn

- “Love me anyway.” the way his voice broke a bit bye 😭😭

- What are these sounds Buck is making… but also Eddie being right there and knowing exactly what he’s doing because he did the same yup yup

- “Two dinners and I am back to being a 12 year old trapped between my sister and my parents… and now? Planning my awkward apology.” APOLOGY FOR WHAT?? SPEAKING YOUR FEELINGS? YOU DON’T NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR THEM BEING BAD PARENTS TO YOU AND MADDIE BUCK 🥺🥺

- “What do you have to apologize for? Did you say something that wasn’t true?” Okay yes perfect response but also you know he’s a good dad as well because he listens and says these kinds of things… did that make any sense??

- “I’ve been down that road. I don’t recommend it.” !!!!!!!

- “Can’t imagine why.” THE WAY HE SAID IT LOL

- THE 9-1-1 CUPCAKES AWW

- Daniel Buckley. “He was our brother” 😭😭 but like why keep that from Buck? 

[nikosasakis]

Please write a rant about how Buck is the smartest boy cos I wanna hear

....You asked for this Haley.... You shall receive. 

This may not make a whole lot of sense, but oh well.

If anyone’s been following my blog, you probably know by now that I get really salty about the fact people refer to Evan Buckley as dumb.

HERE IS WHY:

Buck is impulsive, yes, but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid. I’ve seen people say, ‘but he did this thing that endangered himself !! It was dumb!!’ - Buck is canonically someone who wears his heart on his sleeve and is definitely fulled by his emotions and his need to help people. He knows the risks, but he desperately needs to help these people, and sometimes, he’ll ignore the risks for that reason. I’ve seen other characters from other fandoms do this all the time, no one calls them dumb ( or maybe they do, but not to the extent of buck).

He goes out of his way to research things and memorise it. I personally, suck at retaining information, but if there’s a topic Buck needs to know, he’ll research the shit out of it to use it in conversations. Like when he was concerned about Bobby, or when he was talking to Eddie about the skateboard incident. In my personal opinion, the boy craves knowledge. He actively seeks it out. Most of the smart people I know are the ones that’ll randomly tell you facts on a subject that you’ve never thought to think about. 

Also, just because Buck doesn’t know pop culture that doesn’t make him dumb. He’s allowed to not get references. I actually know a girl that was constantly called dumb because she didn’t get pop culture references but she was pretty sheltered when she was younger. Her parents didn’t let her. For all we know, that could be the same. Maddie doesn’t get pop culture references either (...don’t see anyone acting like she’s less intelligent bc of it) so they could have been fairly sheltered when they were younger. A lot of the pop culture I know came from my parents interests. It’s possible their parents didn’t have time for that, or didn’t pay too much attention to their kids for them to pick up their interests.

It also annoys me when the team acts as if he’s stupid (not all of them do, though) . Like when he was talking about college and Chim joked about Maddie writing his essay for him. Like??? It grinds my gears, because you could see he was frustrated by it, but he didn’t say anything. He just took in his stride. 

Also, I personally do not like the phrase Himbo, especially as when you look up the definition (which i had too, lmao) google literally says “ a good-looking but unintelligent young man”. 

EVAN. BUCKLEY. IS. NOT. UNINTELLIGENT. 

He things outside the box, constantly, to fix problems. In pinned, he was the only one that came out with the idea to make the splint. Maybe the others might have come up with it later, but he did it quickly enough that it didn’t further harm the woman.

Calling him a himbo, is ignoring how intelligent he is. 

It just frustrates me. I could literally link to several different gifsets (and from now on, i’m gonna tag them all as smart buck for my reference) where he’s being intelligent and people just??? ignore it???  

Evan Buckley is such a intelligent, complex character, stop acting like he’s just some dumb pretty boy. 

[loyolahcmass]

Homily on Cringe by Matt Maeson

Here is the preview of Fr. Rossi’s homily about the song Cringe by Matt Maeson:

“Cringe”

by

Matt Maeson

 "Sweating all your sins out.”

“Cringe”-Matt Maeson

 Matt Maeson was raised in Norfolk, Virginia by parents who played in Christian metal bands with names like Holy Warfare and Neverthirst. 

 Matt grew up performing songs for inmates at maximum-security prisons with his mother and father.

 He was part of their inmate ministry, “Life on The Verge,” which is still going strong today. 

__________

 “Growing up, I wasn't allowed to listen to secular music.

 "I was raised on Christian music only, mainly lousy Christian music. 

 “I had to dig really deep to find something I actually liked in that world." 

 And he found it. It was his faith in God

__________

 He admits further that his Christian upbringing contributed to his development as an artist.

 “I have a unique faith in God because of it, and that’s very important to me. 

 "Also, touring with my parents for a few years really kickstarted my live performances. 

 "We did A LOT of shows, and by the time I went my separate way, I’d like to think I was pretty damn good at it."

__________

 It was the way he discovered the effect music can have on people, even those incarcerated.

 "I was seeing the difference music could make in people's lives in such a dark place, and how influential music could be on those guys. 

 "Like, they walked in sluggish, just like, oh, I've been in prison for 30 years -- obviously, not in the best mood. 

 “And then by the end of it, they're on their feet, clapping, having fun.

 “It's like, wow, man, music really does have the power to completely shift your atmosphere." 

__________

 It was playing with “Life on the Verge” after a debut gig at a Chick-Fil-A open mic when he was just 16—one Maeson says he won, "not because I was good, but because everyone else sucked,"—that he found out the good his music could do.

 “I brought that kind of attitude to every show I did after that, even outside of prison.

 “And it's been great just to see how music can help people.”

__________

 “Then I found out about the whole other world of music outside and went bonkers. 

 “I attribute most of my writing skills to the likes of Johnny Cash, Jeff Buckley and Kurt Cobain. 

 “People who knew how to write a song from experience and with brutal honesty. 

 “That’s what I respected.

__________

 “And that’s what I wanted to do, too.

 “However, I went off the rails for a while in my late teens.

 “I got addicted to drugs, and later served time in jail.”

__________

 Maeson’s song “Cringe” is about all of that.

 Its undercurrents deal with his search for redemption. 

 His impassioned singing cuts to the core, telling the story of his struggling against his sins and transgressions. 

 His goal he says is to point listeners towards a life of transcendence and triumph through the prism of his own spiritual battles.

__________

 “I didn’t think much of “Cringe” after I wrote it. 

 “I definitely didn’t think it would do as well as its done.”

 But it was brutally honest, for him the most important benchmark, and so he believed in it.

__________

 Maeson says he also wrote "Cringe" about being pushed away by people close to him because of the lifestyle he was living. 

 Rather than pulling him in and loving him, he was merely getting reprimanded.

 He felt he was making these people "cringe." 

 "I lived pretty rough for a while.

 "Some of the people I really cared about would rather tell me how wrong I was rather than ask how I was doing."

__________

 Breaking a song is often a time-consuming process, but rarely does it take well over two years to make a hit. 

 "Cringe" had somewhat of an unconventional trip to the top of the Billboard charts. 

 Not that Maeson's complaining.

__________

 Originally released in November 2016, it wasn't until nearly two years later that the song hit the charts.

 It debuted at No. 38 on the Adult Alternative Songs airplay list, eventually peaking at No. 7 in January. 

 Seven months later, it was the No. 1 song on the Alternative Songs airplay ranking, a distinction it held for four weeks.

__________

 Maeson knew something was up right off the bat, despite having to wait a bit to see the returns on Billboard's charts. 

 “It took a while for 'Cringe' to do its thing organically but it kept getting more and more listeners. 

 When "Cringe" began making the rounds on streaming services, Maeson was surprised about the song's trajectory.

 Something didn't add up, compared to most releases.

 "I saw the consistent number of streams it was getting, and it was getting higher each time, which Isn’t normal a year and a half after you release a song.

 “The streams kept going up.”

__________

 The lightbulb moment occurred in a July 2017 concert, when Maeson says he "could hear everyone singing “Cringe” back. 

 This was when the song was still over a year off from its radio debut.

 "Cringe" eventually remained on Billboard's Rock Airplay chart for 42 weeks between December 2018 and October 2019, a product of its success at two different radio formats over an extended period of time. 

__________

 “Why are you troubled?”

Gospel of John

 "I think there will always be a hint of the darker side of me in my music, Maeson says.

 "But there’s an uplifting spirit to it and that’s just because of where I’m at in my life. 

 "That’s what attracted more and more people to “Cringe”.

__________

 "Whatever I put out is going to be about where I am in life at that point. 

 "I think a lot of my songs are both depressing and uplifting at the same time, because even if I’m in a really dark place, I’ve got faith I’m going get out of it. 

 "That’s the message I’ve put in “Cringe”. People want that!"

[bisexualbuck]

To Be Loved, To Belong

Day One of the Evan Buckley Week 2020! The prompt was “That’s my family” + fluff

Summary: 5 times Buck almost tells his family what they mean to him.

+1 time he does.

[Read on AO3]

(Full text under read more)

1. Maddie

Buck will never blame Maddie for cutting contact with him while she was under Doug’s hold. Anytime she tries to bring it up and apologize, he tells her he knows it’s not her fault.

Because it isn’t. It has never been and it never will be.

He is only glad that she is free of that abusive relationship and that she is making a new life for herself. Every time they see each other, he feels the same endless pride for his sister who survived, who made it out, by herself.

Having her in his life again after so long is something he will never tire of. Growing up with such an age difference could have prevented them from being as close as they are, but the way they were raised made sure that they did.

Something that Buck can say, is that Maddie raised him more than their parents ever did. He is so thankful for her, although he would never tell it to her face, unless in very exceptional circumstances. She is still his sister and it’s his obligation to annoy her as much as humanly possible.

He smiles at the sight of Maddie laughing with Hen and Athena. He loves these moments, with all of the people he cares about, together in the same place.

Maddie has made herself a place in this group of people effortlessly, and sometimes it feels like she has always been a part of their little family.

Family.

Yes, this is a family. His family.

The thought is so sudden that it makes him want to weep.

All his life, that’s what he has longed for. A family. To be loved. To belong.

Growing up, it was only him and Maddie, with their parents around, not invested. A family by blood but not by love. It had been enough for the two siblings, because they had no other choice.

But now, Buck isn’t as alone anymore.

He has a family and he can share it with his sister.

They have made it. They have built themselves a true family, a family that they have chosen and that stays and that loves, not because they feel an obligation to, but because the choose to.

Every day these people make the conscious decision to love one another and to be there for each other.

Buck has never thought that he could have that, and now he has.

He is so happy he could cry.

“Earth to Evan.” It’s Maddie. He didn’t even notice her until she spoke, too deep in thoughts. “What’s got you looking so thoughtful? That’s never a good thing.”

It’s you, he wants to say. It’s this family that we’ve made.

We’ve made it, Mads, he wants to say. We’re not alone anymore.

This is our family.

Instead, he smiles and says, “Nothing. I’m just happy.”

“Oh, Evan,” she hugs him, and he thinks maybe she has heard the words he could not find. “I’m happy too.”

He knows she is. It’s like he can finally be at peace, knowing that his sister is safe and loved like she deserves to be.

.

2. Hen

Hen opens the door seconds before the bell has even finished ringing.

“Thanks for coming on your day off like that. I owe you one big time.”

Buck shakes his head, offering a smile. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Her face is soft as she looks at him, and he almost squirms under her gaze. He is getting better at accepting open testimony of affection but he is still not quite there yet. Some part of him might always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, for people to leave him.

“Still,” she says. “Thank you. Our sitter called sick last minute and Karen and I both need to be present for the meeting.”

“Hen,” Buck cuts, gently. “It’s fine. You know I love the little dude. I’m just gonna help Denny with his homework, as you asked, and maybe we’ll watch a movie if we have time. It’s all fine.”

Karen chooses that moment to arrive, holding Nia in her arms. She rushes to Buck’s side and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

He takes the chance to pull a face at Nia, and is proud to make her giggle. He laughs too, and continues playing with her for a few seconds, only stopping because he knows that Karen and Hen have to get going.

“She’s so cute, guys. I’m so glad for you.”

“You’re too sweet, Buck,” she says and he blushes. Karen has always intimidated him but she is also kind and loving, and like every vaguely parental figure in his life, he craves her approval. “We’ve left some cash for dinner in case we run too late.”

She bids him goodbye after one last reminder that Denny needs to study for a coming history test.

Hen stills at the door, Nia’s diaper bag in her hands. She gives Buck one more thankful look and he wants nothing more but for it to stop because he has never known what to do when he’s being thanked.

Especially since he has no problem helping out. Denny is a good kid, as smart and kind as his mothers. It really is no trouble spending one afternoon with him.

“How can I thank you, Buck?” Hen asks.

You’re family, he wants to say. You never have to thank me.

“Go to your meeting,” he says instead. “We’ll be fine.”

She is gone with one last smile, and Buck spends a great afternoon with a great kid, his heart full of love for this family that he belongs to.

And when Hen and Karen come back with Nia, Buck stays for dinner, grateful to share the moment with them, grateful for them.

That night, he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

.

3. Chimney

“Could you at least try not to end up in the hospital so often?”

“Like you can talk, Mister I-Spit-In-Death’s-Face-On-The-Regular,” Buck shots back easily, glad that the effects of the anesthesia have worn off. “The hospital’s given you a loyalty card yet?”

Chimney laughs the comment off and he comes to sit next to Buck’s hospital bed, choosing instead to punch him lightly in the shoulders. He is carrying a bag that smells like delicious Indian food.

“Here,” Chim says. “Hospital food sucks.”

“Thank you, man,” he breathes out as he takes the plate Chim is holding out to him. “I owe you my entire life.”

“No, thanks, I’m not interested.”

If Buck wasn’t too busy wolfing down his meal, he would have found something to retort. He has not eaten in hours, ever since he woke up this morning, feeling like hell. He had driven himself to the ER – which Bobby gave him a earful for on the phone when he found out – where the doctors told him what he had already guessed.

His appendix was inflamed, and he needed to be operated.

It’s a small operation and he would not even spend the night at the hospital. In fact, Chimney is here to pick him up as Buck will be discharged soon enough.

“How are you feeling?” Chim asks when Buck is done with his food.

“Honestly, I’m fine,” Buck replies and he puts his hand on his belly. “It’s nothing. I’ll be back to work in no time. You won’t even have time to miss me too much, baby.”

He gives Chimney an exaggerated wink and – okay, maybe he is still feeling a little bit the anesthesia.

“Baby?” Chim laughs. “You’re the worst. Why the hell do I even keep you around.”

“Well, we work together and you’re basically my brother-in-law at this point, so it’s not like you have choice.”

Chim gives him a long look, amused but Buck can also read tenderness in it.

“Sure,” he says at last. “The fact that I’m dating your sister is definitely the only reason I’d come to see you in the hospital on my day off. It’s not like you’re my friend or anything.”

Buck blames the meds again for the way his eyes feel not as dry as they ought to be.

He almost says it, then.

You’re my family, whether you’re dating my sister or not.

Thank you for coming two hours before they release me to keep me company.

He doesn’t say it.

“You have great taste in friends then,” he jokes instead and neither mention how is voice sounds a little too wet.

“That’s debatable, Buck.”

Chimney stays until Buck is released, and he stays some more when he drops Buck off at his place. He stays until Buck’s showered and tucked in bed, though he makes sure to tease him the whole time.

Buck feels like he will never get used to people so openly caring about him.

He hopes it never stops.

.

4. Bobby & Athena

Bobby’s face lights up as he notices Athena coming up the stairs, and he hurries to drop the towel he has been using to dry the dishes. Buck snorts and picks it up to finish cleaning up, Bobby cooked for the team anyway, he should not have been helping out Buck in the first place.

“Hello, Buckaroo,” Athena calls when she sees him, and he beams at her in return.

“Hey.” He puts down the last plate and turns fully towards the couple. “ You’re having a good day? Cap’ made cookies so my day is going great.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” she jokes.

Bobby pretends to look hurt but the glint in his eyes betrays him, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that.”

Buck is suddenly hit by the image of Bobby, more than two years ago, breaking down as he asked for help.

To see him smiling, joking with his wife, warms Buck’s heart with more emotion than he could voice. Both Bobby and Athena have been through so much and they found one another and built themselves up, they have become each other’s pillar of strength.

He admires them so much – loves them dearly, and he is bursting with the need to say it.

I love you two like you’re my actual parents.

You’re the family I’ve searched for my whole life.

Buck swallows it all down. Maybe one day, he will find the courage to say it out loud.

“I’m not sure there’ll be any cookies left though,” Bobby says with a sorry smile. “I didn’t know you were gonna drop by. I would have kept you a few otherwise.”

“It’s fine,” Athena assures. “This wasn’t planned, I was just close-by.”

“You can have mine,” Buck blurts out. “I’ve kept a few for later but I’ve already had too much anyway.”

“Oh, Buckaroo,” she says, looking sincerely touched. “Aren’t you the sweetest?”

He blushes and ducks his head. She laughs at him, gentle, and pinches his cheek.

If, at the beginning, someone had told him that he would hold Athena in such high esteem, he would have laughed. They did have a rocky start, but he is glad that they are past that now.

She goes to get the cookies he has set asides, he expects Bobby to follow suit but he stays behind, giving him a pointed look, not saying anything at all.

“What?” Buck breaks.

“I know you haven’t had any cookies, Buck.”

It’s true. Since it was his turn to do the dishes, he kept his for afterwards. He shrugs, not knowing what to say.

“You’re a good man.”

Buck feels warm with the praise but his first reflex, as always, is to dismiss it.

“It’s just cookies,” he says.

“I’ll make another batch tomorrow,” Bobby promises, a soft proud smile on his lips.

“You don’t have to – ”

“I know.”

With that, Bobby goes to his wife, and Buck feels right at home, in his station, surrounded by his family.

.

5. Eddie & Christopher

Buck jumps at every chance he has to spend time with Eddie and Christopher. He feels bad about it at times, like he shouldn’t intrude so much.

The one time Buck tried to bring it up to Eddie, the only answer he received was a heavy stare and a promise of, “You could never intrude, Buck.”

He has to remind himself those words whenever he feels like he should leave, let the two spend a day just together. But it’s so hard, and he is to selfish.

And he loves them so much.

It’s so easy to be with them too, they welcome him into their family with opened arms, and he can’t help but feel complete with them, like this is what he has been searching for, and now that he has them in his life, he does not have to look anymore.

He loves them. And he knows they love him, but he still worries that he doesn’t mean as much to them as they do to him.

“Are you okay, Buck?” Christopher asks him and Buck jolts with the knowledge that he has been lost in his thoughts for too long.

Eddie, thankfully, is getting them ice cream and as such has not been able to notice Buck’s slight change in mood. Good, because otherwise he would drill him until Buck gave in and told him about his insecurities.

“I’m good, buddy.”

Christopher is a smart kid, and he is clearly not fooled by Buck’s answer.

“Dad says you should tell people if you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad,” Buck protests. “I’m happy. You make me happy – you and your dad.”

It’s the truth. They make him happy. He smiles at Christopher, the kid that he wishes could be his, the kid he wants to help Eddie raise.

He lets that joy spread through him, warm his body and his soul. He will take whatever he can take, and he will be happy with it.

He already is.

Christopher seems satisfied, he smiles brightly at Buck who can do nothing but to smile back just as brightly.

“What’s got you two so happy?” Eddie asks as he comes back, holding three cups of ice cream. He is smiling too at the sight of his son and his best friend so joyful.

“We just are,” Christopher says – simple as that.

Eddie’s face does something very complicated that Buck can’t follow, his emotions changing fast before settling on a tender, soft expression.

“So am I, then.”

It’s not until Christopher has wandered off a bit, not far enough that they can’t see him, that Eddie brings it up again.

“So what was that about?”

“What was what about?” Buck asks, his gaze locked on Christopher.

How much he loves that kid. Buck wants to be there for him for as long as he lives, if they will let him.

How much he wants. Going back to his flat at night, to its empty rooms and its heavy silence – he hates it. He wants to stay with them, always, he wants to wake up next to Eddie and fix Christopher his breakfast and bring him to school.

He wants. He longs.

“Buck?”

The words are right there and he has to bite his lips to keep them in.

I love you. I’m in love with you.

I love your kid like he’s my own

You’re my family.

I want this, all of it.

“He said it,” Buck says at last. “We’re just happy.”

Eddie gives him a curious look but he does not press.

“You deserve to be.”

“So do you, Eddie.”

“I am.”

Buck breaks the eye contact first, feeling himself blush. Eddie nudges him with his shoulder and they share a laugh as they watch Christopher coming back to them, going as fast as his legs will carry him.

He is happy, truly, and that’s the only thing that matters.

.

+1

It’s all of them again, something that happens both often and yet too rarely.

There’s no particular reason for it, except that they could all make it, and it’s a wonderful sunny day in Los Angeles.

And they all love each other.

Because this is a family, and that’s what families do.

He does not think he could ever get tired of the thought. They are all there, sitting outside in the sun, having finished a great meal, the kids are playing close, their laughter filling up the air.

Every person that he cares about, in the same place, at once. What else could he ever ask for?

He feels a hand on his shoulder. He blinks, getting his head back into the present.

“You’re alright, Buck?” Bobby asks.

He is. He is happy.

He wants to say it, out loud, with pride.

He does not want to fight the urge back anymore. He wants to say these words he has been carrying with him for so long.

Because he has been able to say it to other people but never to them. He owes them the truth.

“I never thought I’d have this.”

Everyone’s attention turns to him, the words blurted out too loudly not to.

“What do you mean?” Athena asks, not unkindly.

He hesitates.

“A family.”

There’s a beat of silence. Buck looks away, but now that he has opened the damn, the words can’t be stopped. They rush out his mouth with desperate precipitation.

“I mean, Maddie and I, we had a family, sort of. Our parents, they’re – well, they’re not great.” He knows he is rambling but he can’t bring himself to stop the inflow of words. “And I thought it was always just gonna be just the two of us, but now like, I look at all of you and it’s just – I know, I tell myself, these people, here, that’s my family. Our family.”

He pauses. “Is that a weird thing to say? I’ve made it weird, right?”

“No, Buck,” Hen reassures from where she’s sitting across from him. “Of course not.”

“And you’re right,” Chim continues. “This is a family.”

If Buck could see himself in a mirror, he would probably be all red, with eyes too shiny.

Some part of him, the part that has always been ready to run, to let people go before they can abandon him, wants to run away from the moment. There is too much emotion all around, too much sympathy in everyone’s gaze as they look at him.

Eddie’s hand finds his under the table and squeezes, and Buck turns to see his boyfriend giving him a loving smile.

“Yeah?” Buck asks, softly.

“Yes.”

Buck looks up, he catches Maddie’s eyes and in them, he reads the same gratitude for these people, for that new chance at a family that they have been given.

Bobby raises his glass.

“To family,” he says.

“To family,” they all echo.

Eddie’s hand in his, his family around him, this is where Buck belongs.

Life has never been so kind.