#buddie pining era

[caroandcats]

(beyond friendship)

[buck2eddie]

it's tearing me apart, it's ruining everything.

[maydaydiaz]

“something going on with him” HE’S GAY

[jackwhiteprophetic]

Please please please can we have a pining era where both Buck and Eddie are trying to work up the courage to make the first move. And they both keep daydreaming of how that would happen.

So we, we the audience, see two scenes: Buck walks past Eddie to get something from the fridge. Buck walks past Eddie but Eddie quickly stops him and proceeds to kiss him against the fridge... Eddie is broken out of this daydream by Buck putting a hand on his shoulder to check if he's okay.

We see this multiple times throughout an episode, their first kiss in many silly and unrealistic ways, and then when they finally do it, both just take a moment to look at each other and register that it's real. They both just break into really massive grins and the episode ends.

[buckleyseddie]

it’s their “i’m in love with my husband” look 😍

[loveme-anyway]

WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT--WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT!!!

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Okay I've settled on my head canon which is that Eddie is bi (or some version of "likes women and men"), too... I need to ramble about it because this popular idea that Eddie is gay just bothers me tbh it just feels ignorant, bi erasurery. And sure, maybe I'll be proven wrong, but in the mean time...

I think the reason why Eddie just can't be happy with the women he's pushing himself to date is because he's only really ever been drawn, and loved, two people: Shannon and Buck.

And these women he's since dated... are neither of those people. So the other relationships are just... fake, unhappy. Not because of sexual incompatibility, but because they're loveless, on Eddie's part.

The romance with Shannon started as a teen-age romance. They were childhood friends and lovers, but they were too young and immature to really handle the stress of parenthood, and despite that, pushed into a marriage.

It was too much for this young, immature, love to survive. Them freaking out and not being a team.... That just started to hack away at their mutual trust, and that eventually killed the romance, and the marriage. This immature love just could not handle all this pressure, and co-exist with that dying trust.

And then, Eddie meets Buck when his and Shannon's marriage is on a break. She's runs, is away for a long time, Eddie is raising Chris alone... And Buck steps in.

And Buck is insanely helpful, a major stress relief -letting Bobby know that Eddie is struggling to find a caretaker for Chris. Researching for ways to help Eddie... He finds Carla to help them. Buck takes one look at Christopher and melts, wants to spend time with them... Eddie thinks "Woah. This guy is amazing. This is someone I can count on, who has my back."

So Eddie just moved on from Shannon. He did love her once... but then they killed their love and marriage, together. Mutual destruction.

Eddie didn't trust her anymore, she didn't trust him after he'd enlisted in a panic to run from the parenthood, from Christopher's diagnosis... they were fighting all the time... and then she just left him alone with Chris.

And I refuse to demonize her for leaving btw, she was young, under a lot of stress, and Eddie was running from his parenthood. Eddie needed that push, to take responsibility, and connect with Chris!!

But still.. She left, Eddie was hurt and alone, and really doesn't trust her anymore, and then he meets Buck.

So Eddie moves on. His and Shannon's romantic love just... dies. And when she finally tries to re-connect. Yes, he still finds her desirable, and the human bond is still an important one. But where's the love?

They've known each other since they were children, they're friends, Shannon is Christopher's mother. But Eddie no longer really loves her like he once did. He tries. He forgives her, for everything, and really tries to mend their marriage, even proposes again after finding out she may be pregnant...

But it's just too late for both of them, they don't really work as a couple, and she realises she is tired of this battle, she is done.

Shannon leaving.... this made Eddie move on from her, even though he tried to deny it, even to himself. By leaving, Shannon gave the final killing blow to their already fractured mutual trust. Then she was gone for a long time, and when she finally came back, Eddie had already moved on, connected with someone else. She even says this - I was away for too long.

She realises that their marriage dead. She is shocked when Eddie keeps pushing her away from Chris, realises their mutual lack of trust. And she finally admits to herself that she doesn't really want to get back together with Eddie.

Eddie is dragging his feet, not really accepting her back, keeps looking for a "sign" that would say they should have another serious go as partners. Only proposes after there's another pregnancy scare.

Shannon thinks, this marriage is too broken, I want out. We both deserve something better than this. So it is a story of falling in love, and falling out of love.

And then she dies, and Eddie grieves, deeply. He did love Shannon, even though their marriage was a failure. He'd loved her in so many ways. She was his friend, she was his wife, she was Christopher's mother.

However, I do feel like the reason why he struggles to date after Shannon's death is a combination of grief - being afraid to try again with anyone... and it's denial of his feelings for Buck, and also fear that what if... This happens again, what if he loves and they leave. I think the key problem here really is Buck.

Eddie has already fallen for someone, and tries to deny it, ignore it. He thinks this is a road that would take him nowhere, so why try. He thinks Buck is straight!

So he starts pushing Buck away because this odd family unit they have...? Where is it going really, he thinks, Buck doesn't want him.

This line, said to Buck:

"Somehow we became a ready-made family and I... I don't know if I'm ready for that."

It's grief for Shannon, and it's unrequited love for Buck, and it's about being unable to love Ana because of those both massive things stopping Eddie from being able to connect with her.

Remember.... that Buck starts the thing with Taylor before Eddie starts dating Ana?

Eddie, looking like a zombie, hosting Buck and Taylor, telling Buck that he needs to move on, Eddie has. (Yeah it's a lie.)

And remember all these talks about Eddie needing to move on, before he goes on dates?

This is Eddie, trying to move on, and find his third family unit.

The scene with Eddie and Buck when they've just met, Buck bragging that "some of us don't need good lighting to look good..."

And then Eddie at the fire station, looking at Buck, forgetting to introduce Ana to everyone, realising his mistake and saying to Ana;

"Oh, you've never been here!"...

Because she wasn't, Buck's presence just erases her from Eddie's mind, it's like she isn't even in the same room.

It's true, Eddie realises. Buck really doesn't need good lighting to look good, not to Eddie.

"Even in the dark, this place is amazing."

It's terrible, but disturbingly true for Eddie. This feeling, of existing in the darkness, alone, and watching someone who just doesn't need good lighting to look amazing. They just glow anyway, overwhelmingly, they just erase everyone else from your mind.

I feel like this symbolizes deep, unrequited love really well. Even in the dark this place is amazing.

So Eddie keeps struggling. He won't let Buck close because that's killing him, but he also can't let go of him. He's just ...always dying.

And then Buck comes out to him? It's a shock. It's a brief moment of dumb, wide-eyed hope.

But then Eddie immediately realizes... This changes nothing. Buck is dating someone else. Buck is falling for someone else. Buck is still... Just a friend.

Nothing has changed for Buck, and therefore not for Eddie either. Eddie is still alone in this. And keeps dying.

So... The point I'm trying to make here.

I feel like this struggle we're seeing, it's not about Eddie being gay. He fell for Shannon, they agreed the sex was never the problem.

Even this new relationship with Marisol. He does feel sexual desire for her... Their sex life is great... Until he learns that she was almost a nun? Imagine being in the closet, bi, and realising your girlfriend was almost a nun?

It's truly "eyes on the ground". Would she still want her, if she really knew who, or what, Eddie is? Would she be disgusted if she learned about all of Eddie's fantasies?

How can Eddie trust her?

So... That's what making him run from Marisol. I do think he's making a genuine effort to move on from his old flames - Shannon and Buck.

I mean... Remember Eddie's talk with his tia? Learning that she had been married before, and refusing to even try dating someone else, until her friends dragged her out?

And ultimately this made her move on, meeting someone else. And soon she didn't regret trying again.

So Eddie is trying to move on from Shannon, and Buck.

But can he? Is he?

One thing about Buck's coming out, and the following scene, the talk with Eddie...

Noticed the buddie subtext, and the bisexual subtext of the lines when he talks about Marisol there? About needing to go home.

The "menu" is not the issue. The issue is that he doesn't want to go home, to Marisol. (Lol, there's btw that bicycle again, hanging on the wall behind Eddie's back. Bi subtext!!)

Eddie does desire her. ... He just doesn't love her. And that keeps happening... Because his heart is already taken.

[nymika-arts]

let’s save our breath

[makorragal-312]

Kristen Reidel at home watching Buck be confirmed to be bisexual and having his first on-screen kiss with a guy after working so hard to keep him and Eddie straight and apart:

[llama911refugee]

[daffi-990]

Fuck it Friday/Inspiration Saturday

Tagged by @honestlydarkprincess (welcome back! 😄) @spagheddiediaz @wikiangela and @hippolotamus

It’s Saturday morning for me so I’m combining Friday and Saturday’s tag games together and giving you all a longer snippet 😊

Fresh from the notes app on my phone, here’s some Rival Firefighters 🚒.

Continues on from this snippet.

“I’d ask how,” Eddie says as he approaches Buck, gesturing to the hose tangled around his ankles, “but I don’t even think you know.”

Startled, Buck whips his head towards Eddie, the sudden movement paired with the hose shackling his feet causing him to lose his balance. Eddie rushes forward, hands on Buck’s arms to steady him so he doesn’t fall flat on his face.

He helps Buck right himself, unaware the action has brought them closer together until he lifts his eyes from Buck’s feet and suddenly all he can see is blue. Blue like the sky on a crisp spring morning, soft and calm, not a cloud in sight. Eddie’s hands tighten on Buck’s biceps and oh god his biceps. Eddie has seen the muscles Buck is packing, seen them in action while in the gym and out on the job but actually touching them, feeling them under his hands, well it’s something else.

He looks to where his right hand is securely wrapped around Buck’s bicep, letting himself admire for just a moment how good it looks there before reluctantly releasing his hold and pulling away. He takes a step back from Buck, hands still outstretched and hovering just in case he loses his balance again.

Buck chuckles, the noise almost sounding breathless. “Uh th-thanks, Eds.” There’s a light pink blush forming on his cheeks that has Eddie internally groaning. Buck has no right to look so pretty. How is Eddie supposed to function under these conditions?

Clearing his throat (and hopefully his head), Eddie points down at the hose still wrapped around Buck’s feet. “You uh- you want me to?”

Buck follows the direction of Eddie’s finger, eyes widening as if he forgot the predicament he was in before Eddie startled him.

“Yes. Please.” The blush on Buck’s face deepens. He’s obviously feeling embarrassed about the whole situation, which is fair. A firefighter getting tangled in their hose? Yeah the boys in blue would have a field day with that.

“Only you, Buck.” Eddie says fondly as he bends down to start freeing Buck’s feet. Thankfully the hose isn’t knotted so Eddie is able to make quick work of it.

“Hey, I gotta keep you on your toes. Can’t have your last few days here be boring now can I? Then you’d never want to come back.” Buck is grinning down at him but Eddie sees the worry behind the smile.

“You know I don’t want to leave, right?” Eddie says as he stands, holding out the tangled hose to Buck. He knows Buck doesn’t cope well with people leaving, the man had told him so himself, opening up and spilling out some of his abandonment issues one night over a few beers.

Buck sighs as he accepts the hose from Eddie. “I know.” He walks over to the engine, Eddie following him, and takes a seat on the bumper. “I just-I just wish you could stay, ya know?” Buck looks up at him, eyes full of a sadness Eddie knows has everything to do with his upcoming departure. “M’gonna miss working with you.”

No pressure tagging: @watchyourbuck @jamespearce9-1-1 @spotsandsocks @callmenewbie @rainbow-nerdss @exhuastedpigeon @steadfastsaturnsrings @eddiebabygirldiaz @wildlife4life @athenagranted @fortheloveofbuddie @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @devirnis @try-set-me-on-fire @disasterbuckdiaz @giddyupbuck @the-likesofus @hoodie-buck @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @captain-hen @weewootruck @princessfbi @fiona-fififi @sibylsleaves @nmcggg @monsterrae1 @malewifediaz @loserdiaz @lover-of-mine @ladydorian05 and anyone else wanting to share something.

[diazheartsbuckley]

Isomnia fic sounds great!

Hi anon!

Thank you, it’s one of my main wips rn but truth be told, I haven’t written much on it lately (or at all) 😅

Ask me about my wips 💌

Here’s some snippets and introduction to the storyline 🥹

Introduction here ✨

First snippet here and second snippet here ✨

And one more below for you 😘

As he decides to not address it any further, he walks up to the bar, rubbing his cheeks with a hint of frustration written all over his face. He leans against the bar, looking out at the people around, laughing and having a good time. He wants to enjoy this time off, he truly does but the effects of the alcohol is tiring his body and he has to force himself to stay awake by rapidly blinking his eyes as he turns away from the rest of the 118.

He orders another drink to keep his mind occupied but it doesn’t last long as Buck walks up from behind him, startling him but he doesn’t show it. Yet Buck seems to take notice of the tension that’s risen in his body, a gentle hand placed on his shoulder.

“Hey man, you okay? Things got a little… strained back there” Buck nods towards the crew who are still laughing and joking around loudly, not ashamed of drawing attention to themselves.

Buck’s choice of words makes Eddie snort and he’s seconds away from rolling his eyes until he sees big blue eyes watching him with a softness that he hasn’t noticed before. “That’s an understatement, don’t you think?” Eddie utters, tense shoulders dropping at Buck’s simple yet thoughtful act. He meets Buck’s eyes and he can feel a small smile playing on his lips as he does. Eddie knows that he can never be mad at Buck, not even when he has barely slept in the past month.

Buck chuckles, ducking his head as he shies away from Eddie’s gaze but only for a moment. He looks back down at him, only to find rich mahogany eyes, dark and mysterious, yet full of hidden depths waiting to be explored, carefully watching him.

“Maybe, yeah. But I also know that you’re usually stubborn enough to not just let something like that go” Buck states as he sits down next to Eddie, their proximity perfectly reflecting the closeness of their bond as Buck’s warm knee rests against Eddie’s. “Something going on with you?” Buck asks, his voice gentle and curious as he tilts his head slightly to inspect the man in front of him.

Eddie opens his mouth to reply but before he has a chance to, a measurably drunk Chimney joins them, wrapping his arms around their shoulders and bringing the three of them close together. “Rejoin us for a good time” Chimney jokes, happiness beaming off him and he pats their shoulders before he takes a step back. “Hmm? Come on” He tries a bit more convincingly and both Buck and Eddie know that there’s no point in trying to argue with him - they’re joining the team again - whether they like it or not.

As they spend the rest of the night with their team, Eddie can’t help but to think about the way that Buck had been looking at him when he joined him at the bar, an unspoken gentleness written all over his face. In that moment, it had brought Eddie a sense of comfort that he hadn’t felt in a long time and parts of him were yearning to get it back. Buck has always been able to talk some sense into him, to calm him down in situations where it was needed and that’s why that moment had been different from the rest. He hadn’t necessarily needed the comfort, not by his own accord at least, but Buck had still been able to provide it, simply by being present.

Gonna use this as my wip wednesday 🌹

I was tagged by @dangerpronebuddie @tizniz , thank you babies 🫶

Tagging!! @watchyourbuck @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @cal-daisies-and-briars @wikiangela @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @honestlydarkprincess @giddyupbuck @butraura @vampbuckley @steadfastsaturnsrings @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks @thewolvesof1998 @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley @disasterbuckdiaz @exhuastedpigeon @loserdiaz @evanbegins 🩵🦋

[princessamericachavez]

If something actually shifts tonight between Buddie, next episode with Pepa meddling with Eddie’s love life will be absolutely delightful. Eddie going through an entire gay crisis while he realizes he’s in love with his best friend while his aunt sets him up with random women? GIVE IT TO ME

[capseycartwright]

feels like I'm closer to a revelation every night

She sees me.

Like Eddie didn’t? Like Eddie didn't know Buck better than anyone - better than he knew himself, sometimes? Eddie sees him for exactly who he is – kind, and caring, and wonderful, and fundamentally changed by those three minutes and seventeen seconds he was dead.

- or, a look inside of Eddie's head during their conversation at the cemetary.

ao3 link

She sees me.

The words ring so loudly in Eddie’s head it makes his head spin. He – listen, he could understand, why Buck found Natalia so interesting. Objectively, of course – Eddie didn’t process his own near-death experience by getting close to a death doula, but they all had their ways of processing, and he could understand why this was Buck’s. When you almost die – whatever accident or injury brings you to that point – you start to see the world differently, and more than anything, you see yourself differently. You’re looking for answers – a reason as to why you got to look death square in the eyes, and walk away, back to the land of the living, when so many others didn’t.

Eddie had his own way of processing – as much as he was aware he didn’t process any of it for a long time. He’d spent long mornings sitting by Shannon’s grave, talking to her, lamenting God, and Jesus, and everyone in between, asking why he’d gotten to walk away from more than one near death experience when Shannon had been taken the way she had.

There’s no reason for it.

That’s what Frank said, that’s what his abuela said, that’s what Eddie was trying his best to believe: life, and death, were out of your control, and maybe it brought people comfort to think there was some sort of benevolent God who decided who lived, and died, and that there was a reason for it: but there wasn’t. It was luck, bad and good, and accepting that there was no grandiose reason for your survival is part of recovering.

You lived because you lived.

Then –

Then you just have to figure out how to go on living.

That was the hardest part.

The point was –

Eddie understood Buck’s headspace. He was on the great pursuit of why – why me, why did I survive, why am I still here living when for three minutes and seventeen sentences I was clinically dead – and Eddie didn’t blame him for trying to find the why.

There just wasn’t one.

She sees me.  

The why wasn’t going to be Natalia, either. Eddie didn’t mean that in a jealous, or bitchy way: no, no, he was just being sensible.

(And maybe a little bitchy, too – could you blame him?)

She sees me.

Like Eddie didn’t?

Eddie – well, he didn’t want to make Buck’s temporary death and existential crisis entirely about himself, but it couldn’t be helped, in this instance.

She sees me – as if it’s a revelation for someone to see Evan Buckley for who he really was.

Eddie saw him.

read the rest on ao3

[rosstrytobe]

I wouldn't ever think about milionion times that Tim could actually comfirm Buck pining era and feelings realization for Eddie with a post of an Hitchcock movie

🙀🙀

[littlespoonevan]

the first stage of fic writing is disassociating while you listen to the song offering you inspiration on a loop as you imagine vague emotionally charged flashes of scenes to go along with it