#but I sacrifice so much of myself for others

[teruuu]

Exploring The Complexities of The Lamb and Narinder’s Relationship

Long post warningsgsgsgsgsh!!!!!! 🥺🥺

For those of you who want a quick rundown of what the AU’s about, check out the link at the bottom of the post.

Warning: Mentions of Cannibalism, Unhealthy & Obsessive Relationships, and Spoilers for The Art of Acquiring Devotion

Now, firstly, I’ll have to give my thanks to @nimbudcat for providing me with ideas as to how the relationship would function and opening the gateway for me to fully explore all the nooks and crannies of their romance.

I’m no expert on the deep complexities of toxic relationships, so I don’t have the courage to fully label the Lamb and Narinder’s love as ‘toxic’, but I know damn well that it’s not a normal love at all. Let’s think—what is a normal, healthy relationship composed of? Trust, of course. Mutual love and trust, absolute honesty... Those are the most basic building blocks of a healthy relationship. In this AU, for Narinder and Lamb, those concepts are extremely warped. They have all of those components in their relationship, but it’s so twisted that it’s difficult for me to define their romance as either healthy or unhealthy.

Narinder and Lamb trust each other, and it runs so deep that the best descriptor for that trust is pure devotion. They trust each other with their lives. This may not make sense since they are immortals, but think about it—the cannibalism that they inflict upon one another results in death for the two, each and every time, and they trust only one another for their resurrections. They allow the most vulnerable parts of themselves only to one another, and this is so incredibly meaningful because of all the aspects of their pasts. They trust themselves of course to always only tell the truth to each other, and the love that they share is simply reverent.

Now, let me elaborate on why all the things I expanded on above mean so much. Let’s start with the Lamb. I as I said in my previous post, the Lamb’s past for this AU is derived from my fanfic. We don’t know much at all about pre-sacrifice Lamb in-game, so I took the liberties to expand on their world myself. I’ll allow some passages from my fanfic to speak for itself:

It was through these traumatic experiences that the Lamb became hungry at the thought of companionship. No, the Lamb doesn’t just want some of Narinder’s Big Fluffy Gyatt™. As I’ve depicted in my other artworks, in this AU the Lamb considers Narinder as their savior, their one and only salvation, and perhaps the only person that has ever cared about them. And this is where things start to get murky—it’s because of this that the Lamb is so incredibly attached to Narinder and is absolutely insane about him.

The Lamb isn’t just attached, actually. They’re obsessed with Narinder. So obsessed that they develop a panic if they don’t hear his voice after more than half an hour. So obsessed that they begin to see any and all followers that interact with him as an enemy. This is also why I hesitate to consider this as toxic, because, see, Narinder likes it.

Moving on to Narinder’s part of the AU, it’s important to understand that, although he pretty much brought it to himself because of his high and mighty behavior, he was also quite isolated in his earlier years.

For Narinder’s side, he firmly believed himself to always be in the right. Think of it as a mad scientist whose ideas are way ahead of his generation. He had innovative thoughts and concepts in mind in the duration of his reign. He’d been supplemented by the knowledge that Shamura had provided him with, and that caused him to possess the mind of a radical inventor. Unfortunately, his ideas were less than desirable for the rest of his siblings and his own followers, so little by little the worship he received dwindled. Narinder was frustrated by this—why couldn’t anyone see the genius that he had to offer? Initially he had good intentions in mind, but he grew a tyrannical mind and eventually decided that the only way for the world to see his wonders is to force it beneath his feet.

Eons of imprisonment provided no aid for his mind. What once was a head full of wonders that could potentially change the world for the better became a twisted and cruel version of itself. Violence and revenge plagued his mind, and it became his one and only obsession. So, when the Lamb came to him, he relished in the worship they had to offer.

Their devotion for one another is purely mutual, but at the same time fully in their own self-interests. The Lamb is devoted to Narinder because Narinder is all that they care about in their mind, and they desperately require Narinder for them to continue living on. As for Narinder, he had never acquired such a passionate follower before, and he grew an addiction for the love that they have to offer. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not.

They are incredibly violent for one another because that’s all they know. They don’t understand what it’s like to have a normal relationship. They cling to one another, kill for one another, and eat one another because they need each other so badly. The cannibalism is an expression of their eager desire to simply blend into one another because that’s just how much they want the other.

They know it’s wrong. They hate that it’s wrong. They hate each other for making each other feel so wrong and so crazy. But they so, so want it to be right.

(Okay sorry for the bad essay lmao adios)

[annwrites]

— cregan stark quotes ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚⋆ | read

❝Whatever man marries you should be aware of just how blessed he is to have you to take to wife. By all the Gods—Old and New. And for you to, much more, one day be the mother of his children? I cannot imagine a finer fate. For if he does not realize it, he is wholly unworthy of having you.❞

❝I have questioned it: destiny. If it does exist, or if our lives are simply a series of choices we are forced to make day-by-day. But then I think of the Gods. The beauty of our world. The mysteries. The stories and legends.❞

❝Perhaps our destiny is something that chooses us, then, and not the other way around. At least for some. Others... We are forced to carve our own path. But, for those that remain, unable to see a way forward—mayhaps they have a helping hand guiding them closer. Until they finally find whatever it is that has been waiting for them. And that hand leaves—them able to then forge ahead on their own, the path before them lain plainly.❞

❝I would never betray your trust. I consider it a gift—a privilege, even—you sharing such hard truths with me.❞

❝What sort of man would I be if I let you sit there and shiver against the cold while I stay warm? It grieves me to think of you catching a chill while under my protection. Even if it would, mayhaps, keep you in my company longer.❞

❝She was ill-equipped for northern weather. I misliked seeing her cold and shivering. It pleases me to see her, instead, warm, and looked after by mine own hand.❞

❝I know my duty. As Lord of Winterfell, but much more, Warden of the North. Hard times call for hard sacrifices. For difficult acts. I will do what must be done. Not just because it is what is expected of me, but to honor my forebears, my name, my people, and kingdom. Any duty, great or small, is to be looked upon as a privilege. Not a burden. As a Stark, we do what we do in the name of honor—of what is true—instead of doing it out of personal benefit, or for some form of political gain.❞

❝It would grieve me to have you injured when I am so near to prevent it.❞

❝Then I am yours to confide in whenever your mind feels troubled and your worries too much to bear.❞

❝Are you warm enough, Princess? Should I fetch further comforts for you?❞

❝So, let us prevent it: our mutual agony of losing what can so easily be ours. Agree. Take my hand. And remain in the North where you belong. By my side, where you belong. You said once that the North felt like home to you. Princess—Y/N—you feel like home to me. So do not take yourself from me in the name of a fleet of ships or a small army. I beg of you.❞

❝I will give you the might of the North—and you, the title of Lady of Winterfell and Wardeness of the North. I can think of no one more deserving.❞

❝I mean to have you with child sooner than late.❞ (...) ❝And many times thereafter.❞

❝I will not be liable to control myself once your body begins to change as my child grows inside of it.❞ (...) ❝I would not deprive you of my seed, or myself of you.❞

❝I would place his head at your feet in retribution.❞

❝Gods, if only you knew what it is like to make love to you.❞

❝The two of us shall be in death as we were in life—ever-together. Place us by one another’s sides, for I shall not rest, if we are parted, as she was my peace.❞

❝I hardly intend for there to be a moment where you are not heavy with my offspring, as you well know.❞

❝I should’ve known the first time I set eyes upon you I’d be reluctant to ever tell you no in anything.❞

Heavy boots thump against wooden stairs, a fur cloak shifts, and eyes the color of a darkening winter sky scan the cramped confines of the Winterfell library, searching.

⚔

But he knows how sweet a serpent's venom can taste when being fed by a comely young face with a honeyed tongue.

⚔

Hearing his name uttered from your lips like this—and here—moves something within him. Sends his blood racing in his veins.

⚔

You wish for passion? He shall then give it to you.

He has offered you genteelness thus far, and he fears that perhaps you have mistaken it as no more than congeniality or boyish fancy.

But it is not a boy whom stands before you, but a man with want. A wolf with hunger.

He shall shed his sheep's skin, then, and show you what lies beneath.

⚔

And so, the hand leaves him, and he goes forth on his own, the path ahead clear, you standing at the end of it, waiting for him.

⚔

To have you lain bare beside him as he runs his rough hands along your soft body, telling you how beautiful and dear you are to him—that he will spend the rest of his days caring for and protecting you—he can imagine no finer fate.

⚔

The future which he had envisioned, between waking fantasies and sleeping dreams now rests upon a precipice.

[canablist-clown]

"I've been where you are right now, but there are so many people here and all over that care about you and they need you to come back from this. I just couldn't live with myself if I saw even the faintest Chibo spark in your eye that you were going to try something or do this alone or sacrifice yourself or whatever it was. Without saying something. We're going to figure this out.”

“How do I live with not saving everybody? How does anyone live with that? How do I live with sending Jay off alone into an ambush, where she's going to die? How do I take everyone here down into that... Fucking hole When only I'm the one who's supposed to go down there? Nobody else signed a contract. Nobody else handed Ollie that compass, made the deal? Shit, Arlin's only down there because of me. I was falling and it was raining. I slipped and he threw me back up. It's my fault. All of it. “

“What, do you think we're all here just because you signed a stupid piece of paper

and we really want to see you go into a big fucking hole? No. We're here because of you, Chip. Not because of your mission or your past, but because we care about you and we care about each other. You're not making these choices for people. Everyone wants to help. You've just been handed an impossible one. I know. I know. I know. But it's not your fault. It's not your fault.”

“I just wish I could believe it.”

“ You're here and you want to be everywhere but-“

“Gillion. Look at me.” I take off the bandana. “Really, look at me. I'm not even here anymore.”

“I don't believe that. Despite everything, despite what my eyes see, despite what my oath says, I don't believe that. Bandana or no bandana. You're Chip and you're not going to get through this alone, but you're going to get through this. We're going to find a way.”

“How did you know that I was going to go?”

“You made me a promise. No more lies, no more pranks. I guess I just smelled a prank brewing. I can't watch you throw yourself away. You're worth so much more than that. Just wish you could see it.”

“Thanks, Captain.” 

“No problem, Captain. Do what you got to do.”

[scoobydoodean]

Crowley sent his very best. I was caught as much by surprise as the rest of them. And it left me with yet another choice. I could reveal myself and smite the demons. Of course Crowley wouldn't like it. But on the other hand, they were my friends.

(Castiel smites the demons attacking Dean, Sam and Bobby)

For a brief moment...I was me again.

The relief Cas feels when he gets to save the day—when he makes a choice to reject Crowley and Crowley’s assertions that Cas is bound by duty and the weight of the world and can’t have friends and should sacrifice his loved ones for the mission.

Cas is so burdened by the choices he feels he has to make to the point he doesn’t see them as choices at all, but the moment he casts those chains off for a brief moment and does what he believes is right without regard for the larger consequences, it’s exhilarating—it’s a relief.

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

“I don’t actually count 2x08 as character assassination for alicent”

What makes you say that? No hate, just curious because I know a lot of Rhaenicents who openly started hating the ship after Episode 8 specifically because of what the writers did to Alicent’s character.

np! look, I understand it felt like such a big character change (especially if you've read the book, which hotd is obviously meant to be based on) and again I do think they could've handled it significantly better than they did- I've seen great points from both sides (sides of saying it didn't make sense vs it did make sense) and my personal conclusion is I think I understand what they were attempting to portray, but that they didn't do a good job of it.

Don't get me wrong now, I'm still upset with it! but I still think there's hope for her character and that it hasn't been completely destroyed.

Imo, I think it could've made more sense for alicent to beg for the lives of aegon and helaena (and their daughter) saying she'll take them all away and that rhaenyra can just say aegon died of his wounds, or burn a body beyond recognition and show that to the small folk - but pretty much that there'll be no threat against her position because people will think he's dead (and he'll be far away.) And I think the 'sacrifice' could've been aemond. I mean alicent knows aemond is on his own path of destruction, and would refuse to leave with them if she asked, she also knows he's dangerous and untrustworthy. The 'sacrifice' could be that she's letting aemond go, knowing she can't save him from himself but she's saving her two other children.

I do heavily agree that her giving aegon up (whilst it wasn't necessarily 'serving him up happily' to rhaenyra as I've seen people describe - because it was clear this was still a difficult decision and she wasn't gleeful about it in any way) didn't make sense. Especially because how she stayed by aegon day and night during his injuries, and now that he's become more lucid they haven't even had a single conversation, their last conversation being an argument of sorts. So it was upsetting to see, and again I think her 'giving up' anyone would've made sense with aemond more and her doing it to save her children/grandchild.

And yes! this is what I mean when i say you can't treat alicent like this as a character and then push rhaenicent, because that's not how rhaenicent works and you're ruining rhaenicent just as much, so I completely understand why many rhaenicent fans were upset (myself included! again I am upset, maybe I'm just silly and hopeful and want to look at the good side or try to see from their perspective of what they were trying to do with her but we'll just have to see in s3)

we will see what happens, hopefully they take a different approach in s3 tho

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Hey do you think ya can explain Barnaby and his illusion smoke a bit? It seems really cool and I don't remember if ya talked about it in depth before

sure! this got a bit longer than i expected!

so i was thinking that Barnaby seems like more of a hands-off kinda guy when it comes to altercations. would rather sit back and make funny commentary! so if he Had to get involved, i imagine it would be from a distance and still in an Entertaining Way!

thus - illusion magic! for this au i've been picturing that he got his paws on some illusionary herb in his early teens. for making people laugh, you know! and help out with the farm - illusions could distract animals, convince them to move on to different pastures, calm the chickens for egg-collecting, etc!

Ms. Beagle didn't really approve, since smoking is harmful, but lucky for the both of them this particular plant doesn't deal as much damage when smoked as normal smoking materials would - like tobacco! something to do with the magic properties! so Barnaby mostly used it for chores (when his mama wasn't paying attention, ofc - it's still a bad habit in her eyes) and entertainment purposes.

how it works: on its own, it doesn't do much when burned. it's not like illusions will waft out of the pipe's bowl, or that sniffing it will give someone hallucinations. in order for it to work properly, the user has to inhale properly, form the Intent of what the illusion should be / look like / behave, then purposefully blow the smoke out with that thought firmly in mind. the reach of the smoke depends on the force of Intent, and the intensity depends on the amount inhaled. those that breathe it in / are surrounded by it will see hallucinations of whatever Barnaby - or whoever the user is - wants them to! it can be literally anything! whether or not the target is fooled depends entirely on the individual, but the herb is potent enough that most are convinced that what they "see" is real (auditory hallucinations only occur if the target breathes in the smoke)

upsides: this form of magic is great for distractions, cover, deescalation, and that kind of thing. if needed, Barnaby could stop a fight with one exhale! it's a pretty powerful trick! it also means that Barnaby has built up a tolerance to illusion magic over the years, so where most of the party would be tricked, Barnaby would be unfazed. the only one with total immunity to the form of magic is Wally!

downsides: if Barnaby uses too much in too short of a time, it will get to him. and since he breathes in the largest amount - undiluted at that - it can fuck him up! using it sparingly / using repeated small amounts doesn't do anything. the most it will do is make him feel slightly untethered, but he has an easy time ignoring it / shaking it off.

in mild cases of the magic getting to him, it's like a bad trip. his proprioception is messed with (basically he gets uncharacteristically clumsy & off-balance), he feels like he's falling, anxiety spikes, and his vision is just... off! there are blind spots (im talking actual blind spots, not spots of black), things are moving in ways that they shouldn't, he has mild auditory hallucinations. the others can help ground him by talking to him, touching him, and confirming what's real and what isn't.

in bad cases, it's like that but 10 times worse. on top of all of the previous symptoms being worsened, he gets extremely vivid hallucinations, and they're very often not fun! it's a simultaneous feeling of dying, going insane, and not knowing what the fuck is going on. Barnaby loses sense of where he is, who's where, what's happening. he can get lost in the hallucinations - he has no way to know that they aren't real. in these terrible trips, no one can really help him. they can't get through the hallucinations, and if they do, the magic morphs Barnaby's perception of them and they end up adding to the effects. honestly the best thing for him is to let him rest somewhere with as little sensory input as possible & leave him be until he starts to come down. physical contact does help, since Barnaby understands on an instinctive level that illusions can't touch him, but it doesn't help half as much as it does w/ the mild trips. and again, the presence of someone can make the hallucinations worse.

so! suffice to say! he doesn't like using the herb all that often, and it's why he Stays Out Of It unless absolutely needed. he has two pouches of the herb - one with the strong stuff, reserved for emergencies / one with just a tiny bit of it mixed in with Barnaby's own personal blend for recreational/everyday use. (he also has an emergency tobacco stash in his pack, but that's only for when he's completely out of his usual blend <3)

extra lil scribble that didn't make it into the lil doodle post... i broke his wrist...

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

The backlash against Frozen, which, from my observation, has cooled down (that isn't a joke, I swear-) quite a bit over the past few years, was less based on the quality of the movie itself and more on the fact that its massive success and reach really overshadowed a lot of other movies that came out prior to it and after it and was getting credited for stuff that had already been done before plenty of times, and in many cases, in those exact movies. This is why, to this day, many fans STILL refuse to give Tangled its props without trying to put Frozen down in some way. In their eyes, Tangled should have gotten the glory and accolades Frozen received, but did not, and that made them quite jealous. Overall, Frozen is far from a bad movie. It's a great movie with a great message, characters, music and does actually deserve the success and recognition it got, and some fans need to stop being so salty about it and uplift their fav movies without putting Frozen down so they get the proper appreciation they deserve as well. Although, yes, the credit this movie got for allegedly introducing themes, archetypes and tropes that had already been seen before in Disney, including movies set in a fairytale world with heroines as the protags, was undoubtedly the most annoying part about its success and is part of the reason why many tried to drag this movie and its main leads.

[adhderall]

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

[velvetjune]

judging people who played alan wake 2 solely on if they loved the musical sequence or not

[anmaries]

[rosemirmir]

I've been thinking about Hajime a lot lately.

When you are a bug, destined to destroy everything. And at first feeling like you can never understand humanity, and feel you must fight on your own because of this.

But over time, you find family, you find love. Human connection becomes a part of your life, something you once thought it was impossible for you to ever understand and have.

You want to protect those connections that have come into your life. And desperately fight against the destiny that was set out before you. It's a hard fight, a immensely painful one.

But in the end you were able to fight against your fate and defy it because of a massive sacrifice. Stemming from the fact that someone loved you and cared about you so much, that they couldn't stand to bear the thought of you dying!

Kenzaki cared about Hajime so much, that he sacrificed everything for him. Now he must travel this world alone and not see him again, going far away from him, and everyone. Lest they fight again until one of the two of them dies.

But to Kenzaki, such a massive sacrifice was more than worth it.

Because he loved and cared about Hajime so much, that he wanted him to be able to enjoy life with his newfound family in Amane and Haruka.

Hajime at one point thought he would never be able to connect with anyone. But in the end, connection and love was what ended up saving him...

[hazardsoflove]

i do really love how your choices from other da games affect inquisition so much because it turned my warden and alistair’s love story into a horrible tragedy against my will

[cowboyhorsegirl]

Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.

They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…

[darrowsrising]

Ajax 🤝 Alex

Deserved better. Just better. Much better.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

why is job hunting.

that's it that's the post

[baileyboo2016]

I did the “your month your curse” on tiktok and this one hit a little too close to home holy shit

why are these so accurate what 😭😭