#but I think the truth is more that they are both mutually dependent

[freepassbound]

First of all, I want to thank you for the april asks idea. This is so lovely, and though I am late to the party, I'll still try to participate every day. The convenient list of ask games is also very thoughtful :) I'll be reblog these, and as a personal rule, I pose (at least) one question of every list to the person I've reblogged from. Therefore, would you mind answering the following:

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?

Thank you and have a nice day 🧡

Oh! You're quite welcome! 😊

Though boy... stepping right in with the big questions! 😮‍💨

Truthfully, I have little confidence that I am in touch with my emotions well enough to actually know the answer to either of them. But I'll give it a go.

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?

I don't think I'm really aware of it as it's happening? The only answer I can think of is to glibly paraphrase Hemingway on bankruptcy: slowly, then all at once. The 'slowly' part is what I'm not aware of, and it's happening while I'm getting to know them, while we're talking, while we're exchanging memes and whatever... and then I wake up one day and realize I love this person.

I think certainly it is dependent on some level of interaction with another person - I might feel fondly about some people I've never directly interacted with, but I don't think I could love them. And I think it's also dependent on the amount and the quality of the interaction.

Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?

I don't believe they can be quantified in opposition to each other. They're two very different feelings, and they're both absolutely wonderful.

[ossifer]

the paul poll compelled me to just quickly write up my little opinion piece on paul and necromancy in the tlt verse bcs tags are a pain in the ass to elaborate on my opinion in: paul horrifies me. i think that a lot of people read palamedes' interpretation of lyctorhood as being some sort of objective truth and that there is a right way to do lyctorhood and paul is it, but i just don't agree with that; i think in a series rife with unreliable narrators, palamedes' views on lyctorhood should be considered as subjective as any other person's.

“Can one person even be two people? I feel like I’ve only got enough room inside for me, and sometimes like that room’s not even enough.” “Lyctors can,” said Palamedes, “or at least—they thought they could; in fact all they became were half-dead cannibals. I think a true Lyctorhood is a mutual death … a gravitational singularity creating something new. A true Grand Lysis, rather than the Petty Lysis of the megatheorem [...]

what he says here about lysis is in response to nona asking if one person can be two people, and thus it is a very loaded statement when coming from someone heralding from a society where the extreme co-dependence of the fundamentally unequal necro/cav bond is encouraged, especially considering camilla and palamedes are called out by others from that same society as being an exemplary case of co-dependence in that department!

camilla and palamedes are arguably more equal than any other cav/necro pair in series, in part due to that co-dependence, but we even see in NtN that cam does stuff that undercuts that equality (telling pyrrha to lie to palamedes, 'don't tell him i was weak'). and that equality, that love, is shown to be thought of as coming at the cost of freedom: when palamedes says, “I cannot bear the thought of using you.”—camilla responds, “Love and freedom don’t coexist, Warden.”

in the end, every permutation of the necro and cav pairing is irrevocably descended from john + alecto's example and while i think beauty can be found in some of them, they all suffer from the same fundamental imbalance that bond hinges on; nonconformity abates it, but abolishment is required for real freedom from it. the so-called indelible sin of lyctorhood is just an echo of the original sin john committed.

If there was one thing Gideon knew about necromancers, it was that they needed power. Thanergy—death juice—was abundant wherever things had died or were dying. Deep space was a necro’s nightmare, because nothing had ever been alive out there, so there were no big puddles of death lying around for Harrow and her ilk to suck up with a straw.

necromancy necessitates consumption, taking by its very nature: death, especially violent death, is what fuels it—infants producing more thanergy on death is literally a noted phenomena! paul's birth, while it could be seen as triumphant in the sense of it being an act of creation, is literally identified by palamedes himself as a mutual death, death being required to fuel it the same as any other necromantic working. i don't want to say 'necromancy is fundamentally evil' but uh... it is irrevocably tied into john's conception of human nature: "This is the problem, the incorporation, this is the hardest part … It’s the human instinct, to take."

something i always point out about camilla and palamedes' grand lysis is theparallel with gideon and harrow's incomplete petty lysis: both come about as a result of a fully-realised lyctor (ianthe, cytherea) having cornered the pair, resulting in both being threatened with imminent death (camilla critically injured and palamedes facing expulsion from naberius when ianthe re-emerges; harrow necromantically spent and gideon having suffered multiple injuries, both going to die when cytherea breaks through the bone dome). paul's birth only happened as a direct result of the continuation of the lyctoral cycle of violence, with ianthe in cytherea's position; per palamedes, “I am not saying this was our inevitable end … I am saying we have found the best and truest and kindest thing we can do in this moment.”

paul may be the best and truest and kindest thing cam and pal could've done in that moment, but that moment should've never came to pass: the codependency instilled into them through their society, the violence that put them in that position, and the consumptive necromancy that made paul possible. paul is horrifying because they are the most hopeful and kind thing, and they are the product of two people, one sans his own body, undergoing mutual death to fuel their birth.

they're the truest response to one flesh, one end: an oath purportedly coined by cristabel and alfred, who compelled their necromancers to ascend via a suicide pact.

valancy says one flesh one end sounds like instructions for a sex toy. can’t stop thinking about that so can someone stop cris and alfred before the sex toy phrase catches on, thanks.

did the sex toy phrase really need a response?

[fadingdaggerr]

masterlist

updated: july 5, 2024

!! all works should be considered 18+, minors please dni !!

!! individual warnings at beginning of each fic !!

melissa schemmenti

fluff

from miles away: melissa's ex-husband pays a visit to abbott after hearing about you moving in

crystal clear: five times others realized melissa loved you and the one time she did

are you mine?: melissa takes things into her own hands after watching an addington teacher flirt with you at pecsa-geddon

simmer: a sweet morning between melissa and her firefighting partner

wishful thinking: months of flirting with a clueless r has melissa switching her tactics

would that i: melissa grew up seeing what love was supposed to be, she just needed to find it

amaranthine: melissa schemmenti is easy to adore

as you ever were: mutual feelings, mutual fears, mutually nosy friends

know i'm alive: (nsfw, minors dni) a new teacher with a new motorcycle, and melissa wants to take both for a ride

angst

picking petals: you want melissa to marry you. melissa's mother wants melissa to marry you. but what of melissa?

just how we feel: eight months at abbott had you convinced melissa hated you, until jacob pairs you together for janine's birthday celebrations

tease and unease: mutual secrets can bring mutual pain, a hidden love can break the dam

and now?: (nsfw, minors dni) melissa craved you, you craved melissa. what you crave from each other seems to differ depending on the season. based on red wine supernova and casual by chappell roan

truth be told: melissa loves you, in what way, she doesn't want to know. based on good luck, babe! by chappell roan

part 2: truth be lived (MOST RECENT)

hurt/comfort

delphinium blooms: a morning of unfortunate events proves that development day is just as unlucky for you as it is for janine, so melissa tries to help

blush to ruby: a four-square accident brings out a new side of melissa

frosted hymnal: grief makes the holidays less cheerful, but not a girlfriend less loving

by the sun, by the moon: melissa is plagued by nightmares, ones only you can soothe, but different sleeping arrangements interfere

brienne of tarth

a piece of home: when traveling to king's landing with jaime lannister, brienne finds she's much less alone that she had originally thought

part 2: close to home | part 3: home bound | part 4: home

beckon me back: two months apart is more like two centuries

larissa weems

fluff

an altar of peace: a morning with larissa weems

wine and ember: where red is drank and a spark is lit

all bark, some bite: the bitter reminder of her past returns, and r will not let her wife face it alone

rose infusion: college!larissa smokes weed for the first time with a familiar face

heaven's gate: (nsfw, minors dni) locking eyes with a woman at a bar and finding purpose in her kiss

angst

one hundred and seventeen: from the second she left, your world stopped spinning on its axis

[geebeeskoos]

I can certainly see why people are obsessed about the slow burn reading of narumitsu, the one where they wait for 7, 9 or even more years before they ever do anything romantic together, but. Their relationship in the trilogy era could be so, so interesting and complicated and yet so. Warm and full of comfort.

Just... Two traumatized and mentally ill men trying their best to figure out this relationship thing. Phoenix remembering what it's like to have a romantic partner again, after being betrayed, after being left behind, and now confronting his abandonment issues. Edgeworth learning how to love somebody, and now trying to express it, perhaps searching for his own ways of doing so.

Yes, they encounter a number of problems. Edgeworth gets this nagging feeling at times that he's too broken for a romantic relationship, that he's a parasite leaching on another person's care and affection, thus at times he acts aloof and withdrawn. Phoenix gets paranoid that he'll end up completely alone again very soon, whenever he notices Edgeworth getting so cold all of a sudden. Edgeworth genuinely thinks at the worst moments that the right thing to do is to just break up right now so he doesn't waste any more of Phoenix' time. Phoenix is anxious that one day Edgeworth can just disappear on him again without saying a word. Edgeworth feels forever indebted for everything Phoenix did to help him, and now when he notices his partner struggling he wants to do the same for him, but he doesn't even know why Phoenix is troubled, and even less about how to help him. Phoenix is less than honest sometimes on how he feels because he really thinks that his problems are nothing compared to Edgeworth's, but he can't help but feel bitter nevertheless that his partner isn't that helping. And then feels like a petty person for that bitterness and knows that he can't be actually cross at Edgeworth for not being a mind-reader. If truth be told, they both think that the other "has it worse", so they both make the same mistake of not opening up fully until something not very good occurs.

"But why didn't you tell me anything??" They both ask each other. Often. But the important thing is, is that they get to ask that eventually. Say sorry to each other. And then move on knowing each other a little bit better, and maybe not repeating the same mistake in the future. At least, the chances are lower now.

Would it be unhealthy for them to be together in that era? Well, depends on your definition of the word 'unhealthy', but I'm a firm believer that it's better to figure out things together, with your loved one, and that's what they are doing. Healing goes much smoother when you have mutual support. And sometimes hurt people can understand and help other hurt people better than any 'healthy' person can. You are in pain, and I'm also in pain, so I understand how you feel and want to help you get through this. It's all about trust and empathy. And isn't it the core of narumitsu and their relationship?

So basically, while it takes a lot of work for them to be together at this point, it is worthwhile. And that is why I prefer the interpretation that they have something going on already in the trilogy. I really want them to struggle, but make it work. I want their relationship to begin not in the best possible moment, perhaps, but to grow more comfortable and mature with years regardless. It is not ideal and far from the perfection, and that is exactly why it's so real and beautiful.

[hereforhalstead]

CPD Gala

*GIF NOT MINE, full credit to the owner*

Requested?: Nope! Wanted to get something posted now I'm back :)

• Warnings: N/A

• Summary: Jay reminds you of the annual CPD gala but knows it's not your idea of fun

Words: 1,321

• A/N : I’m not gonna apologise again for being gone as god knows how many of these I post with that intro but I’m hoping to be back in the swing of things as I have a tonne of requests to get through and I don’t want anyone thinking their request is being ignored as I promise it isn’t!

Meh I don’t love it as I defo need to get back into the comforts of my writing (its gone so downhill lmao) but here we are..

Hope you enjoy🥰

****

Jay knew you weren’t the biggest fan of social occasions, so when you happily agreed to attend the annual CPD gala he had invited you along to, he was beyond surprised.

“I mean, I’ll ask her but don’t get your hopes up” he had joked with Kim a few days prior, following endless begging from her after finding out Hailey wouldn’t be there and wanting a familiar female face there.

“Tell her I’ll by her drinks all night” she quickly exclaims as Jay chuckles, eyes still firmly on the road as they drive back to the district.

“You do realise it’s a free bar?”

“Oh” she huffs, “more reason for her not to say no then” she happily shrugs, sinking back into her seat with a look of confidence.

As much as Jay could go on for hours about how he knew you better than anyone, least of all Kim who you had only met on a few occasions it was like talking to a brick wall sometimes and he didn’t have the patience.

You and Jay were homebodies and this suited you perfectly, he would come home after long shifts and you would still more than likely be sat in the same spot he left you at that morning. Countless half empty mugs filled with coffee that was now ice cold, papers scattered all over the table and floor with your eyes pinned firmly on the screen in front of you.

He would convince you to call it a night, you’d either order in food or you’d wander into the kitchen together to whip up dinner whilst he told you about his day. Depends on what you had, you’d either quickly tidy up the table as best you could or you both just slumped on the sofa with the pizza box balanced on your laps as you watched some trash TV.

You would always fall asleep before Jay, he would get too into the show you had put on and then couldn’t finish until he had got to the end whereas you probably wasn’t paying too much attention in the first place so would easily doze off to only be awoken with a light kiss to your head when Jay has turned the TV off.

It worked like clockwork, some may say boring but it just worked for you and you couldn’t picture it any other way. You were each others comfort, the feeling of home.

***

Jay had bought up the idea of going with him to the gala the previous year but you had only been dating for a few months and hasn’t told many people so you decided against it in mutual agreement.

The truth was it hadn’t left you mind since that exact day he casually asked you over dinner last year

“would be fun you know? “ he raised his eyebrows as he took a sip from his drink “having you on my arm all nice and dressed up” he teased

No Jay, it wouldn’t be fun.

Social outings weren’t your thing, you had a close family and the relationship you had with Jay and that was more than enough. An evening spent in Molly’s was something you had to build yourself up to, let alone a huge party with tonnes of people you had never met before.

Every week the thought would re-enter your mind on whether or not he would ask again this year, secretly hoping he would’ve forgot or they had a case on which meant they couldn’t go. You knew it was in August as Kim had mentioned it one night at Molly’s so as the month got closer, the more it played on your mind.

You even forced yourself one weekend to go dress shopping for the occasion to try and get yourself in the right mindset of being there to support Jay, after all you were beyond honoured he would want you by his side but sometimes the voice in your head would have a way of getting through.

“You know the CPD gala is this weekend?” Jay broke the silence, still chewing on his pizza as he flicked through the channels.

Shit

“I know it’s not your thing so I’m thinking of just third wheeling Kim and Adam, do you think they’ll mind?” he joked but you could tell there was something in his voice that had a twinge of disappointment.

“I’ll come with you”

Before you could register your voice to your brain, the words came out of your mouth.

“Baby, you do-“ he began but you were quick to cut him off in reassurance, placing a finger onto his lips as you smiled

“It doesn’t matter, you want me to be there so I’ll be there”

You placed a light kiss to his lips, the confusion plastered across his face but the light behind his eyes showing through in a gleam.

“Just promise me you will think about it first, don’t do this for me. You know I’d rather stay at home with you anyway but there isn’t many of us going to Voight wants us to make our presence known bla bla bla”

“I’ve already bought a dress” you lied, knowing it would be the thing to distract him

The chewing on his mouthful slowed, scanning your face with a slight narrow to his eyes as he tilted his head “what does it look like?”

“It’s just a little black dress, that alright with you?” you suggested, playful tone as he pouted his lips and nodded with a sign of approval “how comes I haven’t seen this dress?”

You lifted the pizza box from his lap whilst you began to tidy, scanning down to see him lift his hips to get more comfortable, slinging one arm to rest on the top of his head whilst the other clutched at the bottle of beer.

The gaze that was piercing into your back felt like it could burn a hole, the extra swing in your hips and swish of your ponytail was giving you the confidence you needed.

Placing the pizza box down on the side you turned to see Jay towering over you, one arm resting against the door frame with the other resting low in his sweatpant pocket.

“Seriously, let me see this dress”

You tried to keep your composure, acting like you couldn’t see the smile he was trying to hide despite the corners of his lips already turning up with his every word.

His eyes were pinned to you as you picked off a piece off fluff from his tshirt, following each move as you let your hand rest onto his chest.

Gazing up at him, innocence in your eyes as you could feel his heart pounding beneath your touch amongst the silence.

“You’re not allowed to see it until the Gala”

He huffed, rolling his eyes whilst running a hand across his forehead in stress

“but the guy in the store said I looked like a million bucks”

His eyes widened, smirk spreading across his lips as you felt his hand drop to your hip as he cleared his throat “did he now?”

You nodded, feeling his grip tighten as he let out a huff in laughter which you knew he didn’t mean in amusement.

Before you could think of what to come back with, his arm was slung over your waist, picking you up like you were a piece of paper and tossing you onto his shoulder. Marching towards the bedroom, not letting the fists you were prodding into his back stopping him.

“Jay?! What are you doing!” you exclaimed, being laid on the bed as he pinned his arms either side of your head to stop you from getting away from him. Dark glint in his eyes as he roamed about your body, taking in every inch as he admired.

“I think you need to show me this dress baby”

***

TAG LIST

@halsteadlover • @musicismyescape27  • @i-like-sparkly-things • @stephanie708 • @upsteadlovingheart • @nevaehstreater18 • @strand-nash  • @secondaryjob  • @youngblood199456 • @soph0864 • @13shadesofanni  • @shikshinkwon • @mrspeacem1nusone • @slytherinambitious • @loki-halstead • @morganupstead • @moni-serrano11 • @sophiatellerrhodes​  •

Click here to be added to my tag list💖

Inbox and requests open🥰

[narcjsistx]

Omg heyyy!, I find your writing quite good, keep up the good work ♥️. May i request Izana x gf reader. Just reader being smitten and whipped for him, like he could literally be beating /killing someone and shes just staring with lovesick eyes and thinking 'Oh Izana , such a cutiepie. My cute boyfriend. I'll even help him hide the body if he wants.....'

And Izana stating she is his Queen and the Queen of Tenjiku

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

— Oh, my toxic loverboy

Izana is my favorite poison, my obsession. I know, I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. Every time I see him, the world comes down to him, every thought, every breath, everything is for him. I want it with such intensity that sometimes it scares me, but it's a fear that I like, that excites me. We found each other, and from that moment it's as if we couldn't do without each other. We are always together, united in this strange vortex that for others might seem toxic, but for us it is everything. I don't want to run away from this, in fact, I just want to dive deeper

— Izana: If I ever had to kill Mikey, what would happen between us?

- You: I would help you get rid of the body, my loverboy

Our arguments, our fights, are just another way to feel alive, remind us of how much we care for each other. It doesn't matter how much we get hurt, because in the end we always come back together, hungrier than before, more eager to own each other. I know that others don't understand, that they look at us with that look of disapproval, but I don't care. No one can understand what it means to be with Izana. He is my dark half, my reflection in a distorted mirror, and I am his. We are united by something stronger than simple attraction, something that consumes and nourishes us at the same time

— Izana: You're a whore when you do that, but please, come home. I need to see you, I love you and you know it

— You: Scream at me one more time and I'll smash that damn record of yours that you care about so much. I'm coming back, I hope it's for a good reason

Izana has become everything to me. I wake up thinking about him, and go to sleep with his name on my lips. And Izana… Izana wants me all to herself. He can't stand the idea that there is something or someone between us. He's jealous of everything, even my time: he isolates me from friends, family, and I let it happen... deep down, I'm convinced it's a sign of how much he loves me

— Izana: You just need me. Others exist only to distance us, right?

— You: I push others away, I need you to breathe. To feel alive I need you to be by my side

— Izana: Good girl

Yet, there is a part of me that feels suffocated. I'm short of air, but I can't tear myself away. When we are not together, I feel lost, empty, as if a part of me remains with him even if I don't know where he is. And when we are close, the whole world seems to disappear. But I know, deep down, that this isn't love: it's obsession. A mutual dependence that is slowly destroying us, but which I can't do without. It's a sick bond, and yet, I would never want to break it

— Izana: We both know it's obsession and not love, right?

— You: Yes. But it doesn't bother me

— Izana: Until death, then?

— You: And even after, my loverboy

The truth is that I got lost in him, or maybe I allowed myself to get lost. I no longer recognize who I was before Izana came into my life. At first, it was like he filled a void I didn't even know I had. His every gesture, every word, seemed to be exactly what I needed, and so I let myself be carried away. I've realized that I no longer make decisions without first asking myself what he would think. Every thought, every action, is filtered through his gaze. And him? He does the same. He tells me that he can't imagine his life without me, that I am his reason for existing after years of suffering

— Izana: You will be my bride within a year maximum, Mrs. Kurokawa

— You: I like your last name

— Izana: I'll like it more when you have it too, love

I have asked myself several times if it is possible to live without him. But the very idea throws me into an irrational panic. It's like I need his chaos, his possessiveness, to feel real. And so, I continue to remain trapped in this relationship that is slowly consuming me, and I like it. I don't know if it's love, or just fear of being alone, but one thing is sure: Izana has become my obsession. And I his

— Izana: Oh, my Queen. The Queen of Tenjiku, the only woman who will ever and never leave my life

[hurtmemoreplease]

There's this idea I've been thinking about, and I think it's kind of tough to do, but possible. How do you treat your partner as both Your Goddess and a subby little bottom that you get to fuck? (This post is about t4t lesbian sex)

One way is obviously cnc; you play as someone so devoted, so avaricious that they take their Goddess down, and force her to belong to them. Its an act of devotion to them, to the perpetrator, that they dominate and sully and taint the Thing they worship so much.

On a more mutual track, maybe the fucking is the act of worship. That the best way to worship your Goddess is to dick her down. It's a holy and well known rite to put a collar on your Goddess and hold her head to your armpit, or gag her and see if you can make her cum just from playing with her tits and calling her a dumb slut.

Or, depending on your approach, it could be something more private; everyone else might think your Goddess is an upstanding and dignified deity, but you know the truth. You know that she's a filthy whore, that she wants nothing more than to be writhing under your body. That she wants everyone to lust after her, and take their lust out ON her. But no, that's a privilege just for you.

It's a fine line to walk, I think. You have to be careful not to compromise the worship; throughout this all she is still your Goddess, the one you worship. You're not setting yourself above her, even as you're grabbing at her chastity cage and pretending to toss the key, or calling her a pathetic bottom that doesn't deserve to use her tiny cock. You're just treating her right.

[affectionatelyrs]

Can You See Me? (I'm Waiting for the Right Time)

RWRB | T | 7.2k | One Shot

Tags - AU - Roommates/Housemates, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Humor, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions

Summary

“Whose turn was it?” Henry asks while Alex is busy pondering the merits of throwing himself out their fifth-story window and hoping his boner doesn’t take anyone’s eye out on his way down. “Forgive me, but I am a bit tired. Do you think you could take it?” There’s no way that Henry’s not doing this on purpose. He makes words mean things when put in a certain order for a living, for fucks sake. Alex almost quips back depends on how big it is just to see how—or if—Henry would react. “Yeah, um, no problem.” There. Much more normal. He could steal Henry’s job at this rate. “Truth or dare?”

Or, Alex’s world gets flipped on its axis during a game of truth or dare

This was so much fun to write - I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't smiling during a lot of it. I haven't posted in so long, so I'm both excited and nervous to be getting back to it. I hope that y'all enjoy this one! :) Read it here

[abyssalzones]

C-PTSD as a diagnosis makes so much sense for Ford because he really does fit almost all of the criteria, ESPECIALLY if you take the stuff in J3 into account in conjunction with his traumatic childhood (bullying, bad dad, etc.). It just makes sense in regards to his motivations and his issues with interpersonal relationships (like with Stan). Also buring yourself in your work (like he does) is a very common 'flight' coping mechanism to trauma in adults

I'm smiling like this right now

ford's whole.... mental health deal is extremely interesting to examine because Oh my god this man is the textbook image for "reacting to ongoing, continuous trauma". intentional or otherwise (I'm inclined to believe it's both).

like. okay hang on I'm about to get very in depth with it

I feel like there's no way this entire guy's life and in some ways his lasting identity haven't been defined by and constructed around various forms of trauma, maybe the most obvious and true-to-canon-intent being peer abuse/bullying from childhood. a lot of people downplay the impact of this type of abuse but it's... responsible for a lot of social ills in shocking ways. (if you're more interested in this topic here is an article my friend mer linked me a while back, it gets into it very deeply)

(a lot of this is going to be sourced from the wikipedia page for CPTSD [and my own experience Living with it] which I realize isn't very professional of me but Whatever this is tumblr)

one of the core tenets of ford's personality is that he's Different. he owns it, sure- his six fingers become a point of pride rather than something to be ashamed of- but they make it extremely clear that from a young age he associated being different with being a social pariah. ford's generation was characterized by notoriously cruel bullying, and anything that remotely made you stand out rendered you a target. ford could've been bullied for being nerdy and jewish (and failing to perform socially, ie dating) alone, having such an obvious mutation definitely was not winning him any points.

so it's honestly no surprise, when from childhood ford feels like he has One person in the world to trust and confide in, that he would go on to form very unhealthy attachment patterns typical of CPTSD. as you elaborated on regarding AvPD (which I know far less about but seems to have comorbidity with CPTSD): if you're hard-wired to believe socializing with others results in failure or betrayal, then you're not going to make an effort. but what does end up happening is that you're going to pour all of your trust and dependency into one person at a time, one person who is "safe".

previously, that was his brother. and it's not really hard to draw the conclusion from there that fiddleford was a subject of ford's attachment style, considering he was his One friend from college, and... one of Maybe two people ford is friends with at all who he isn't related to. he cites him as the only person he can possibly trust to work on the portal project alongside him, and he still can't bring himself to tell him the full truth, because he's terrified of losing him. I love their dynamic (I do think they were mutual best friends, and there was no small amount of trust reciprocated between them. "fiddleford was weird as hell too" is something I keep coming back to) and I don't think it's built on entirely unhealthy terms, but that kind of pressure is... setting things up to crash and burn.

enter bill stage left. back to "continuous yearning to be liked and accepted"- this guy knew that and made every effort to prey on ford's insecurities to reel him in as close as possible. this is what really pisses me off about the idea that bill was just "inflating ford's ego", because it's way, way more insidious than that. throughout the entirety of journal 3 we see ford reintroduce someone to his life he has a very positive relationship with (fiddleford) and how that trust gets gradually broken down by bill's influence "winning out" over their friendship. I think it's safe to say ford was already vulnerable: from the start, he'd been isolated in his research for six years (and it's unclear for how long he'd known bill by 1982), and bill proved time and time again to be someone who wouldn't judge him, someone who would praise him for his hard work, and perhaps most critically, make him feel like being different was something special.

like that's... that's really not good!!!! and that kind of thing works wonders on someone who has already settled with the idea that they're inclined to be alone just by design.

trying to put a cap on this. in relationships like the one he's had with his brother or fiddleford it doesn't even necessarily have to be ""toxic"" (vague term anyway) or outwardly bad to be built on unhealthy attachment patterns, and considering for a good chunk of ford's life his attachment to others can be characterized as "I can only trust ONE person at a time" it feels essential to any discussion of his CPTSD or canon trust issues. That is something that happens a lot in Real cases of CPTSD (hi) and only further snowballs into More trauma by leaving you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse (see: bill.)

I've been going on for way too long now and I feel like I've only scratched the surface of the thing I wanted to elaborate on sorry. that post traumatic stress disorder can complex

[galene-gothic]

𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾, 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗐

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

"Send my love to your new lover, treat her better. We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts. We both know we ain't kids no more."

"I saw the signs and I ignored it, rose-coloured glasses all distorted. Set fire to my purpose and I let it burn. You got off on hurting when it wasn't yours. We'd always go into it blindly, I needed to lose you to find me. This dancing was killing me softly. I needed to hate you to love me."

Someone/many different people who you were strongly committed to you seem to have done you dirty. At that time, you were the greenest green flag, you were dependable and wanted to come off as someone like that as well. You were grounded, you were humble and in your 'treat people well' era. You felt like everything was fine until it wasn't anymore. People around you started acting shady, you picked up on the negative vibes or out of the blue, you found out about something that someone close to you did or said behind your back. For some of you, there seems to have been a boy or man involved, it could not be connected to the first scenario at all but for most of you, there seems to be an energy of people leaving one after another, something like your friends backstab you then you find out about your boyfriend cheating and even your guy friend chooses to say hurtful things just for the purpose of tearing you down. If the boy situation does resonate, you realised that they were with you for their own selfish reasons. You felt like they manipulated you for their own personal gain. This guy could've kept you a secret from others. For a while, you continued lying to yourself about this situation due to the affection or attachment that you felt towards them. You were trying your best to believe that something when it was just not the truth. Regardless of which one of the scenarios resonate (for many of you, all of these will resonate), you felt betrayed and to be honest, you were in fact betrayed. When this event happened, you felt the need to be realistic and practical, you knew that you deserved something mutual but maybe due to love, it took a while for you to walk away. Walking away seemed to be something that you did only after you were completely drained out. You were still bonding with other people, maybe you were exposed to others after this event happened so you had no choice. Even though, you seemed to be having good platonic relationships, they felt shallow to you or they made you happy but you weren't able to talk about you deepest emotions to anyone. You were breaking down on the inside but due to your public or social image, no one seemed to see it. It was a time for you to receive healing, you weren't doing well emotionally. A lot of chaotic events happened in your life one after the other but at that point, you were just resting. These people and situations broke you down to the point, you lost your self esteem.

You needed support and help at that time but you were not getting it, I feel like you were not even trying to talk to anyone about your emotions to be honest. It was difficult for you to think clearly. Your judgement was very blurry. Regardless of how painful it must've felt, if you look back, you'll notice that you've released so many negative thoughts, habits, feelings and just way of being. Negative feelings coming up, everything falling apart was just for things to get better. I'm getting that these were negative cycles and connections disguised as positive ones so you didn't understand how you didn't see it earlier. You might have noticed red flags but because they acted alright after that, you didn't think that it was important to walk away. You were confused about a lot of things. You were stuck in that toxic cycle for so long and realised just how much control it had over you. You felt the need to take responsibility for things that weren't even your fault. In the thick of healing, you thought that you deserved all the bad things that they were doing and saying to you. You thought that these people genuinely had good intentions towards you and were 'your people'. I'm getting multiple people here but there's a chance that it was either just your friends or your love interest. Even if it wasn't a love interest, a guy could've been involved. You sometimes wonder how you didn't notice the huge red flags earlier and were naive enough to believe that those people had loving intentions for you. You could've been really nice to most if not all of these people so you were just like, "why? I was nothing but nice to them". There seems to have been some (a lot tbh) confusion in such aspects. This is confusing but I'm getting best friends who turned against you after a mistake you made but you found out that they didn't like you all along or if a guy was the main problem here, it could be a best friend or a boyfriend/situationship who broke you down until you had to leave them. For most of you, it is both. The closure is that this person thought that they had a certain control over you so when they realised that that was not the case, they got over dominating. In the case of friends, they found a reason to finally bully you so they took it. These people were all really dishonest and are the kind of people who are not willing to change their ways. They were angry at you but it was not because of what you did, for the guy it was because they had frustrations in their own life and for the friends, it was because they 'thought' that you thought that you were better than them.

There was a lot of chaos, what they forgot is that you're a very strong character, you might have bended to meet their needs and match their personalities but it didn't mean that you lost your strength as a person. You adored them so you acted softer, they took it as a weakness. They were all being really selfish. It makes a lot of sense if it was a group of people, they were abusing their power to take advantage of you. For some of you, when you weren't letting them take advantage of you, they started acting all passive-aggressive, outright aggressive or angry. You were giving too much without expecting much, please remember that it's important to have standards. I think that you've learnt your lesson now though. You probably had spiteful arguments and they were not thinking before speaking. It's not alright, they disrespected you. Don't forget the things that they said to you, forgive them but don't let them anywhere near you, though it's your own decision. They made reckless mistakes in the heat of the moment not caring about your emotions at all. They're all people who cannot hold themselves accountable, they did not have your best interests at heart. The things that they said and did were to simply tear you down, it barely had anything to do with the mistakes you made but more about things that were in they own heads. "You think that you're the center everywhere" or "you're all that", things that are just their own insecurities. They were in fact very selfish, I'll give you an example, supposing you broke the girl code, the whole group turned against you but because you broke the girl code but because they all had their own personal grudges against you. Move on, they're not worth it. God/universe/whoever you believe in had to take you away from them because you were just better than them. I don't think that anyone is better than anyone but you were mature in many more aspects as opposed to them. You were trying to make things right and solve the matter at hand but they were just pushing their insecurities and grudges onto you. Your life has definitely gotten better in atleast two ways after these people left your life. Your closure = the disrespect.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

"Take my hand and hold on, tell me everything that you need to say. Cause I know how it feels to be someone, feels to be someone who loses their way."

"And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us, he's in the club doing I don't know what, you're so cool, it makes me hate you so much."

A crush that got nowhere? A 'friend' who's not just a friend? If someone came into your mind, this is your pile. This is tricky though, some of you could have come here thinking about a situationship or relationship break up that was really messy, you met someone after that though, didn't you? The person who you were in a situationship or relationship didn't care about you enough, they were unintentionally using you but it wasn't entirely 'unintentional', they knew that it could hurt you, you gave a lot to this person/situation so you were scorned but that's the happy ending, if you stuck around longer, things would've been worse. Your happy ending in this situation is to tap into your potential, make the most out of it, become more confident and to start a new cycle. For the ones, who met someone else after this situationship/relationship, you were in a state of anguish when you met this person. The situationship/relationship had left you completely drained out. I'll describe the person that you met after that in order to help you confirm. This person has a mind of their own, they are quite different from most people that you've met. They seem so free to you. They helped you change direction and made you feel more confident. They also seem to be a very confident person. They gifted you with a new perspective. The entire situation was very thrilling to you. You had a lot of fun with them and even they seemed to have fun with you. There were times when they seemed really enthusiastic around you. They're also someone who stands strong and has a lot of courage according to you. They're just so different (in the best way) according to you. You are confused because they were really generous with you. You might have gotten a little bit vulnerable around them too. There seems to be a level of connectivity (almost telepathic) between the both of you. They were quite receptive and talkative with you, the both of you were to a certain extent.

That was the dynamic so you don't understand how and why everything just ended. You feel like the both of you were quite observant when it comes to other. I feel like you're like "I just don't get it", I'm getting a little bit of disappointment. You wonder if you read in between the lines for things that don't even exist. You thought that they were curious about you too. Maybe also because of the past relationship/situationship, you started become a bit more rational and this just added onto that. You had really interesting conversations and felt connected to them, you felt a chemistry and connection. You felt like you had to kind of move away from your fairytale romance. 'Fairytale romance' that's how you looked at it. They did come into your life at a time like that so I get it. The ending between the both of you makes you question everything. The closure here is that you're still single, you're free to do whatever you desire. They came into your life as a catalyst of growth, to help you start a new journey. Their intentions towards you were not bad, they gave you a lot of hope for the future, they made you happy. They helped you prepare for a new journey, for most of you, you won't ever end up with this person but regardless of whether you do or not, you'll be fine. They reminded you of the life and love that you desire and deserve. They made it easier for you to let go of your former situationship/relationship. Even this situation, you should let it go. You should accept everything that has happened, forgive them if you do have any resentment against them and focus solely on yourself. You helped them release negative thoughts, feelings and patterns. Their deepest fears resurfaced when they met you and even they themself were healing. Something being fleeting or temporary does not make it insignificant, take care loves. If it wasn't for them, there's a high likelihood of you going back to past toxic people.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

"Why would you speak to me that way? Especially when I always said that I haven't got the words for you. All your diction dripping with disdain, I always tell the truth."

"I've never known someone like you, tangled in love, stuck by you, from the glue. Don't forget to kiss me or else you'll have to kiss me. I guess I'm forever stuck by the glue, oh and you?"

"Never thought I'd find you but you're here, and so I love you. I'm not lying when I say I've been stuck by the glue onto you."

Who cheated on you? If it was not cheating, it was still something that caused you to feel betrayed. Majority of you have mommy issues, some of you are here with her on your mind while the rest of you are here thinking about someone who is like your mother if you carefully think about it. You got manipulated. This person was out of control with their actions and words when it came to you. They were mean too. You really neglected yourself because of this person. They left you worrying quite a lot. This is giving me similar vibes to narcissistic abuse. You gave too much of yourself to this person :(. You pretty much treated this person like your family oh my god. You were clinging onto them. You were not willing to walk away and move on from this person until things got too much to bear, this person was stripped away from your life not gonna lie. With this person, you had really low self esteem. There were often times when you had to watch what you said just so you don't end up triggering this person because they used to say things to tear you down. They were not willing to communicate and they acted like you were trying to pick up fights. They made you feel a lot of guilt when it wasn't even your fault. You had to fake happiness with that person because everything was always about them, they might have underestimated you or belittled your emotions but you noticed it only after you left the situation and realised that they never cared about you. You started becoming really confident after you let go of them and it caused you a to be a little bit confused because of it. You realised that all of you needed was a leap of faith. They were definitely holding your potential down. You started feeling liberated and free, a very new and sort of uncomfortable feeling for you. They made you feel really humiliated in one way or another.

They were so conceited and honestly a piece of shit, you were just like "I was such a fool, how did I not see it earlier?" Plus the thing is that you were aware of such aspects existing within them, you just didn't know that they were so extreme. You also didn't understand how they could do that to you when you had nothing but pure intentions towards them. Your closure is that they're actually high drama. You were taking too many of their demands and being pressured when they didn't deserve any of it. I don't like to say things like this but you were too good for them, no matter how great they'd become or what they would do, they will never amount to you. Also, no matter how much harder you would've loved them, it wouldn't make them treat you better, I'm glad that you walked away. If you're having second thoughts about it, remember the disrespect, don't forget how much they hurt you. They're just a selfish piece of shit who never deserved you. Also, you were never compatible, you had interesting conversations because you're an interesting person, you had fun with them because you were a fun person, the connection lasted as long as it did only because of your tolerance. Your closure is that you know the right answer from within was to walk away. You were supposed to start seeing things from a different and clearer perspective. You were supposed to learn your boundaries now. It was important for you to find new purposes or realign with your purpose that you might have abandoned for other people. Your direction is supposed to be different from this person's and set there. You're supposed to be the one that got away and stayed away. You felt like you were stuck by a glue onto them because of the attachment that you had with them. It might have been difficult for you to leave this person earlier due to guilt, attachment or just loneliness, you might have been worried about them though.

[lightofraye]

Another View

So… the other day my inbox exploded. Imagine my surprise, waking up, rolling out of bed, doing a check of notifications and my eyes popping out in surprise. Quite a few of my followers were sharing their distress at another blogger’s claim. I know this blogger. We’ve spoken in the past, often privately but occasionally in reblogs.

We share a difference of opinion here. They know this, I know it. We respect our difference of opinions. I even gave them a polite heads up on this post, because I didn’t want them to think I’m calling them out. At most, all I am doing is disagreeing.

See… having a temper does not make a person abusive. I have a temper. My daughter has a temper. Hell, even my daughter-in-law has a temper. We are all human. All of us have our limits, our moments, that we explode—and it’s not always rational or understandable.

Now, keep in mind, I am not excusing Jensen having these volatile moments. The hotel door story has me puzzled, because he wouldn’t—shouldn’t—share something like that unless it genuinely was okay. Him blowing up at someone he seemingly almost hit? Yeah, no, not cool.

Does that translate into being an abuser himself? Respectfully… no.

It’s Jensen being able to safely (not really, but work with me here) at others when he’s unable to do so at Danneel. Does he have moments where he blows up at Danneel? I’m sure he does. And frequently probably regrets it, if Danneel is anything like other abusers. It can be manipulated and turned into a “See? This is why I can’t talk to you. You blow up like this and then suddenly it’s all my fault.”

It’s extremely rare for both people in a relationship to be abusive. It’s why I wrote about reactive abuse not too long ago. Mutual abuse just rarely happens. It’s likely if Jensen is acting out, it’s because he was being abused first.

Does that mean the other blogger is wrong? No. Does it mean I’m wrong? No. More we have different interpretation of certain celebrities and situations. Our experiences color our perceptions, how we view scenarios.

In so many ways, the “truth” has multiple views. Even witnesses of a car accident will see everything differently. One person will be 100% certain that one car hit the other first, while the other would be positive it was someone else. This is why eyewitnesses are shaky to depend on for court trials. This is why evidence, hard evidence, such as photographs, expert opinions, videos, are so important.

And then the reasoning behind such situations. Why did Jensen lose his temper over a hotel door not opening? Why did he have to blow up at that gentleman? What was the trigger behind all that? Was it because he couldn’t blow up at Danneel? Get her to stop? But this—a door? Kick it in! Instead of owning up to his fault, Jensen had to turn the blame on the gentleman? Because for once, he didn’t want to be at fault?

There are so many different ways of viewing it. So many interpretations.

In the end, the one who can say otherwise is Jensen. There are stories he tell that have me pausing and going “Why that story? That doesn’t put you in a good light.” Did he feel unworthy of good stories? Of being seen in a good light? Or was it so normal to him that he doesn’t realize how alarming it came across to others?

(Certainly I wonder why he thought he had to share that his father beat him with a belt…)

In the end, we have our stances. This blogger knows mine. I know hers. We respect one another’s opinions.

[great-kung-lao]

KazuKaoru: Everlasting - An Essay

(This art belongs to amamaiiya, please go and follow, like, reblog her magnificent works)

What defines a good relationship? What makes fictional couple a good one? Each of these questions can have a different answer depending on the person asked, because it is often that in fiction people prefer something they would never allow themselves in real life. You know how they say, the forbidden fruit is sweet. But personally, I have equal preferences for both. In my honest opinion a good relationship has to be, above everything else, a healthy one and consist of trust, mutual understanding and support, where both partners have things in common, respect one another and don't hold back each other. This is what I saw and liked in a dynamic of Kiryu Kazuma and Sayama Kaoru from Like a Dragon (aka Yakuza) series.

Some might say they had a rough start, with them being on opposite sides of the law in a world where people are labeled and treated with prejudice. But that is the whole theme of their love story throughout Like a Dragon 2. It is a relationship that defies what people assume as normal, where characters are developing to see through the superficial and realize that despite their surface level differences, there is much more in common on a deeper level.

They are both humans, shackled by outside perception of them and because of it they might feel they have to act a certain way instead of being themselves. But being themselves is exactly what they manage to achieve around each other, which is something that even Haruka notices about her Uncle Kaz. Isn't that the best kind of thing that can be in a relationship? To be yourself without hiding it and be loved for it? KazuKaoru is that kind of pairing.

Isn't it ironic that he turned to be that someone? Interesting camera work here is that while he says this, it zooms at him. Not very subtle, but nice foreshadowing nonetheless.

Often I come across an assumption that KazuKaoru is rushed. Not one bit. We are talking about two grown up people with experiences, who know or at least feel what they want from life and their partner. It is hard to determine when exactly Kiryu fell for Kaoru, but Kaoru definitely starting falling for Kiryu at the rooftop scene after date. But that scene leaves us with an impression that her feelings are unrequited. She wants to stay with him to watch the stars, but he politely refuses and asks her to rest. There is a moment of hurt and disappointment.

Potential of denial is followed up by a scene at New Serena. After Kaoru suffered through shocking discovery and family member loss, she is a mess and her actual real self with all that baggage might not be loveable at all. She confessed to Kiryu about her insecurities and the truth ended up more harmful than she was prepared for. She started crying after saying this line:

I always read it as her implying something along the lines "you don't need me anymore". With her heart on disaply she is met with silence. But whoever was responsible for this subplot of Yakuza 2 liked to live in a happy land, so we've got this beautiful response from Kiryu that finally showed his true colors and feelings towards Kaoru:

"I would never think less of you" meaning that he accepts her entirely, with whatever may come her way. He loves Kaoru for the person she is and might be. This is pure, kind and tender form of love that is so easy to enjoy. He makes sure she knows that he doesn't want her away, so he asks her a very important thing to do later:

Yakuza and a police officer. Two people on the opposite sides. But both are warriors for justice, upholding same ideals of helping and protecting those in need. They both have power, but use it for good. This is the kind of common ground that can lead to something special and beautiful if they are ever allowed to reunite in later games.

Thankfully Like a Dragon 8 left us with hope. We have a confirmation that Kiryu Kazuma and Sayama Kaoru still have feelings for each other even after 17 years of being apart. This is why I call this essay as Everlasting. Because this is the kind of love they hold for each other, still waiting for a moment where they can be together again.

There is actually a lot more I would have liked to put into words about them. This is my all time favorite video game couple and maybe even my all time favorite OTP. Both characters are outstanding individually and together they are unstoppable. Ultimate power couple whose love story is there to each us a very important lesson in life that we all can take to heart and follow through with it:

[monstrous-femme]

So You Want to Write Poly Fic: A How-To from Your Favorite Poly Mutual

(i know for many of you I'm your only poly mutual so that works too)

This guide is going to rely heavily on Stranger Things pairings, because that's the fandom I'm currently writing in, but these concepts can apply to any fandom.

Expand your definition of Polyamory

Fandom loves the triad, and if this is what you want to write, there's no reason not to. However, three people all dating each other should not be the only thing you think of when you think of polyamory! Here are some other configurations for your consideration:

Jonathan is dating both Nancy and Argyle, but Nancy and Argyle are not dating each other

Chrissy is dating Robin, but sometimes makes out with Heather at parties.

Eddie, Steve, and Nancy are all dating each other, and Nancy has a separate relationship with Barb.

Steve and Robin have a queerplatonic relationship that they consider their primary partnership, but both date other people in a casual setting.

Chrissy is not ready to be in a relationship after breaking up with Jason, but has casual hookups with multiple people who are aware of and comfortable with the situation.

2. Pay attention to your dyads.

One of the most common mistakes I see in poly fics is trying to superimpose the same way you'd write monogamous pairings onto more people. The problem with this is that in a couple with only two people, you are only writing one relationship. In a poly ship, you're writing more, and probably a higher number than you think of. This is where the dyad comes in.

A dyad simply the relationship between two people. Say you're writing Nancy/Chrissy/Robin (as you should). You're not just writing the one relationship between the three of them. There are also three separate relationships to consider:

Chrissy/Nancy Robin/Chrissy Nancy/Robin

Each of these relationships will have its own dynamic, and just because they're all dating doesn't mean it will all be the same. This is why I often caution newer writers away from writing relationships with tons of characters off the bat. The jump from a triad to a quad moves you from 3 dyads to 6. Now, depending on your POV character, you may not have to focus much on every single dyad, but you do need to be aware of their existence.

3. Metamour Dynamics

A metamour is a person who your partner is dating and you are not dating. Metamour dynamics can be very complicated (but also very fun to play with when writing) because of the feelings that can come up seeing your partner with someone else.

Let's say both Steve and Robin are dating Nancy, but not each other. Are they thrilled to never have to be apart? Do they find it hilarious how much they share one brain? Or do they get sick of never having space away from each other? Does Robin resent that Steve's relationship with Nancy is more recognized by society because of heteronormativity? Does Steve resent that Robin's never had her heart broken by Nancy?

Metamours also may be awkward or choose not to interact. Let's say Nancy's dating both Barb and Eddie now. Do Barb and Eddie form an unlikely friendship? Are they consistently awkward and tense to a point where Nancy doesn't keep them near each other?

There are as many different metamour dynamics as there are people, and giving some life to these relationships will give a lot of texture and realism to your poly fic.

4. Let it be Messy

When we write monogamous pairings, most writers in a longer fic will include things not working out, miscommunication, hurt feelings, jealousy, anger, and angst. But there seems to be an anxiety around allowing any of these things to exist in polyamory, as if by admitting it's not always perfect, we're giving ammunition to polyphobia. (This same pressure is put on poly people in real life to be the Perfect Poly Partner and never experience difficult feelings around polyamory.)

The truth is, relationships are complicated. And while I love seeing poly pairings in fluff and smut, there seems at time to be real resistance to putting poly pairings into genres that are messier.

Mess is a part of life. Mess is especially a part of intimate, vulnerable relationships, and, on a personal note, I need the mess to exist in fiction because stories are how I understand myself. When poly people are allowed to be human, it helps me (and probably other poly people) give myself permission to be human too. You are not hurting the poly community if your characters mess up, especially if it's in real and human ways.

I hope this helps you feel more comfortable and confident writing poly characters! Feel free to shoot me an ask if you have any follow-up questions.

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

favorite ocelhira hcs?

HELLOOOO ANON.

Do you have a day or two available? No pressing plans or engagements that might require your undivided attention soon?

For simplicity (lies and slander) I'll break it down into a few sections for you. 1. Headcanons for the Games Provided 'Canon'.

2. 9 Year Gap Headcanons

3. Happy Death Day Headcanons (AKA Kazuhira Fckin Dies Day)

4. Parasite AU Headcanons

5. Other/Non-Specific Headcanons

6. NSFW Headcanons Ready? Let's begin!

Headcanons for the Games Provided 'Canon'. In the Truth Tapes, Zero tells Kaz that he’s going to introduce him to ‘a network of messengers that will lead him to a man’ a man that Zero trusts ‘more than anyone alive with this sort of thing’. This is clearly Ocelot, and this is what I consider their original meeting. How it happened, and specifically at what time I can really only guess (although I go between late 1976-1977 for it myself) and it’s one I accept easily. It makes the most sense for putting one another on their respective radar’s and amuses me a little bit.

It's like..match maker Zero. If your match making is specifically for war crimes.

I have a prevalent headcanon that they have a sort of mutual annoyance thing. The kind that’s flavoured with ‘can’t live with ya, can’t live without ya’. I think they understand each other on a deep level they almost never or unwillingly talk about.

On Ocelot’s side, I think Kaz amuses him as much as he annoys him. On Kaz’s side, I think he feels a sense of what I call ‘regrettable freedom’ with Ocelot. In that Ocelot understands-deeply-how violent Kaz is deep down and is more than willing to call him out on it-or let him indulge in it, if he’s feeling that sort of mood.

Ocelot thinks of Kaz as a little overly hysterical, but he is one of the only people who doesn’t underestimate him or write him off as faff and a loudmouth (a mistake I firmly believe Zero absolutely made) to uninterested in him and bored with how bad of a spy he turned out to be.

I can see Ocelot considering Kaz, ‘histrionic’. (And, TIL there is something called HPD: Histrionic Personality Disorder. Huh. Sorry, got distracted)

Kaz fluctuates in how he thinks of Ocelot. I think when there is little else to occupy Kaz’s attention Ocelot gets the brunt of it (whether that be nagging him or just talking about whatever) but he can easily get ignored if Kaz is distracted by other things. I refer a little bit to some of the tapes where they have a decent conversation without insulting each other or being catty. They are very few and far between, but I can see them having perfectly normal conversations otherwise.

I think they both take their respective jobs very seriously, and they’re both very intelligent. This helps them out because they can have a mutual interest in a place where Big Boss leaves a gap. To expand on this-Big Boss is war and field smart, but not book smart. Something Kaz and Ocelot both are, if in different ways. Nor does Big Boss really hrm..care?

We know Kaz is exceptionally well-read, and Ocelot has a wealth of information under his belt. Getting drunk and having rambling talks is something I can see them doing-if Ocelot can get drunk (or hell even sober) and just. Talking.

Neither of them sleep well, if at all. Many chats happen at ridiculous hours about nothing, and everything.

They amuse each other. I think that’s one big draw for them, they can banter almost endlessly, and both have a mental category of ‘this is the good banter sections’ and ‘this is the I want to hurt you cruel banter’. Below the belt fighting is not off the table.

I do think they care about each other. To what degree depends on the time.

Ocelot knows exactly how to get under Kaz’s skin the best and can be quite merciless about it.

9 Year Gap Headcanons

They did so many drugs during this time. So many. They ran on it. Kaz often struggled to get the Diamond Dogs up and running and was continually frustrated for being disregarded.

We have small hints that he did black ops field work during this time too-and I can see Ocelot helping out there when it was available or necessary.

They visited clubs. Kaz picked up the family business more than once in desperation (this one I kinda restrict more to my fics, mind you). He tried on multiple occasions to get Ocelot to cough up information (almost always unsuccessfully, mind you) about whatever at first.

They hated each other on sight at the first meeting. Kaz was in a fighting mood, and Ocelot was just. Largely curious. At the same time, I think they were equal fascinated. In the ‘circle the other tiger in the cage’ way.

(Kaz immediately hated how hot he found Ocelot. Ocelot considered him attractive, but unless you’re shaped exactly like BB Ocelot’s attraction might be more minimal, IMO. See further below in the ‘NSFW’ for how I figure that turned out).

There is more than one destroyed motel room from their antics. Kaz itching for a physical fight anytime he feels the mood coming on, Ocelot more unwilling to indulge but eventually going with a ‘fuck it’ attitude because it does, eventually, shut him up for an hour or two.

Happy Death Day Headcanons (AKA Kazuhira Fckin' Dies Day) I’ll freely admit this one is almost entirely MGSV’s fault with the ‘death pact’ made in the ending, but I don’t care either. It’s one I find interesting, and I go with it because COME ON. How can I not? Part of me likes to think Ocelot did it himself, another part of me is convinced that Kaz would be utterly insulted if he sent someone else…which is also why Ocelot might choose that route. I do not think Ocelot would’ve used gas or poison as is suggested by the game, but nevertheless. Sometimes I toy with the idea of them faking his death, to amuse myself. And for AU potential. But there’s always the tried and true ‘once more for old times sake fck’ and a shot to the head. Ocelot probably took more than one trophy. The glasses were a necessity for Liquid, but I think he took something else. What that is I've yet to decide. I think Ocelot misses him periodically in the aftermath, especially as he gets older and more and more of their 'time' die out. Until he's reworked his brain to be Liquid-ified anyway. Parasite AU Headcanons Most of my parasite AU is detailed here. But I love considering parasite Kaz and experimenting with that in fics and other ideas. I like the idea of Ocelot having some housed on his skin and having a symbiotic little imprint with them. Extended by this I've also toyed with ghost Kaz haunting Ocelot after. Other/Non Specific Headcanons Here is my headcanon for Kaz and Ocelot orchestrating his capture together. It's it's own thing, but it's something I've toyed around with periodically and another one of those 'what if' ideas I feel prone to. I do think they have the potential for the most disastrous, but funniest dynamic out there. I like the idea of them having one of the longest working relationships in the series, and I find their mutual understanding, even if that's with an element of dislike or annoyance, fascinating. You could call it 'frenemies', but I think whatever they have is more disastrous and complicated. I also think they do enjoy each other's company, and have a pretty good working relationship. When they are perfectly in-sync they are an enemies worst nightmare. Whether that enemy is a man on the field or a very unsuspecting bar patron does not matter here.

NSFW Headacanons They fuck. Let's be real. They absolutely fuck. Ocelot's one and true love is probably always-and only-BB, but he's human (we think..?). Kaz is right there, and the man isn't a saint. Don't gotta love someone to fuck them (but I COULD see an argument for Ocelhira having their own type of love). I'll use 'fuck' more specifically because I think most of the times they do are pretty violent, and they destroy the room in the process. Tying into that, is because I think by then Kaz's best known form of foreplay is 'fight first' and Ocelot probably isn't going to say no when Kaz has such a lovely, punchable face.

They can (sometimes) have more standard, 'vanilla' sex but if you breathe the word 'make love' at either of them it's an immediate boner killer.

They have both used sex as a beautifully unhealthy coping mechanism.

There are kinks they share-how much they trust each other with those kinks varies considerably, but it almost never stops them.

Both of them have a higher sexual appetite than BB-this has consequences that are both good or bad, depending again, on the situation.

I think they both like strangulation and bloodplay a lot. As well as knife play. One of them has absolutely fainted mid act before. At least in my opinion.

'Safe Sane Consensual' did not always apply (they maybe got better later, maybe. Depending).

They have not always been sober during either act. I think they also find a certain amount of freedom in one-another, an alignment, if you will, in some shared kinks without it getting all confusing or complicated. A form of relief, without so much attachment.

And I'm sure I have way more! For some clarity's sake, here is my AO3 for more Ocelhira, and here is my standard headcanons tag, for anything I might've forgotten. Thank you for sending in!

[so-bitya]

BRO HEAR ME AOUT

After taking a short nap of almost 15 hours, I came up with an idea that is material for a fanfic scenario.

🥀Cielizzy hanahaki scenary 🥀

Lizzy who, faced with Ciel's rejections and indifference, begins to feel hurt and confused, beginning to question if she is more of a nuisance to Ciel than his beloved fiancée. And taking into account the revelation of her discovering the truth of Ciel who blatantly lied to her all this time. She realizes that Ciel does not love her and was nothing more than a fool in his eyes. (whether supernatural Magic or whatever) develops hanahaki disease, slowly getting sick, extinguishing Lizzy's happiness and sweetness

Ciel who always knew that Lizzy loves her brother and not him, Ciel who thinks that by revealing the truth Elizabeth will hate him. Ciel who, seeing that his lie was discovered, was heartbroken to see that his fear came true. Elizabeth chose to be with her brother and not HIM. Ciel who now knows that Lizzy is on her brother's side as she always should have been.

Ciel who somehow also develops hanahaki disease, Ciel who, although he was stubborn and a little stoic, still had that happy and loving side for his loved ones (thanks to Liz) Now with the illness he became more bitter and cynical, rarely showing himself to smile or be happy. Ciel who has already lost the small trace of light and happiness in his wounded heart

In this scenario, the disease does not kill them, it is just a painful ailment that always hurts the heart of the other. Both who always cough up small flowers of Myosotis when longing for each other's presence.

Both now think it was never meant to be💔🥀

(If no Cielizzy fan makes a fanfic about this then I will feel the need to try it because this idea is too good

oooh~✨ the hanahaki disease, i always liked that trope. and the forget-me-nots! is it because they don't want to forget their feelings for each other, or is it because they always want to be remembered by that person? I also like the idea of clovers since it's so symbolic of their childhood.

ohmygosh yeah, i always seen ciel and lizzy's feelings as always mutually unrequited, platonic or not. they care so much about each other, but never on the same wavelength. their self image is dependent on impressing each other, yet the two are so avoidant in confronting their feelings. theyre so pensive, so insecure whether their feelings are unrequited, that they end up believing it anyway.

and i like how you captured how they feel currently in the manga! ignoring their feelings as it chokes them, pretending they dont miss each other terribly. the story repeats over again that a narrative of love wont be fulfilled, but there's always this persisting, bittersweet connection between ciel and lizzy that they can't forget.

I don't know much about fan fiction, since im not really into it, but this was nice to read! You should definitely write it yourself! it's always fun creating for your interests, and if you think its a great idea, then go for it! and im sure any fans who see it will be excited for a new fanfic to read (*^ ^*)

[persy-r-bozo]

DHMIS- The Yappining! 2/6 - Yellow

i diddnt know who to fully start with! so i decided yellow was my first victim.

Yellow is a very interesting character. he tends to play into the "Dumb yet sweet" character trope. but the steady reveal that this cannot be farther from the truth is amazing.

I feel him and his reflection could mean alot of things. and i believe it does. a part of me thought it could resemble the two sad sides of neurodivergent Youth. "The gifted" and "The trouble maker" gifted kids tend to be given to much pressure to succeed and troubled ones are ignored or just pushed aside.

i don't think the car killed him, just hurt inside and out. Causing a drift within an already possibly drifting family. (Perhaps this switch disappointed some. or made others go mad.) I think the gravestone and mirror could simply mean that version of him is dead. someone who cant be brought back. He's still the same, just not the way others might have wanted him to be.

The batteries could be a metaphor for meds. or hell he could be a cyborg. I mean his dad made a computer that just spawned bitches so i wouldn't put it past him.

the show or the world their stuck within tried to paint yellow stupidly. However he is quite emotionally intelligent. the world tries to paint him as useless but he isn't. I like the idea that yellow can read people very well. he can understand them in ways that make him super helpful, however he has issues with words and thought, often stumbling over himself.

his kindness and optimism is both a blessing and a curse. it makes him easy to control, but it also makes him a sense of stability and comfort.

he is such an interesting character!. a melancholy character. a sunshine behind a cloud. from a blind and innocent lad within the web series to a more dependable one later on. he has much to overcome, we can only hope he may.

But lets get into the-

-RELATIONSHIP VIEWS-

Red: Yellow and red are a very interesting pair. i feel as though yellow likes red. but he can read him, probably better than red can even read himself. Yellow can sense he is a ticking time bomb. that despite his quiet, he is breaking. so yellow is distant, keeping himself always a few steps away, just in case. He trusts red, its hard not to feel a little protected with a big fellow around. but yellow can just sense it. that red could snap, and that trust might break too.

Duck: THATS HIS RIDE OR DIE RIGHT THERE!. his ride or die! yellow loves duck, and feels a sense of comfort from him i think. I like to believe that duck might have even been a non related uncle of sorts. the brain fog may persist but you never forget that one guy whose never related to yall but still shows up. They are chaotic and i love them. while yellow can read people very well but cannot speak very well. Duck cannot read people for shit BUT BOY, IS HE LOUD N PROUD. They are two puzzle pieces together. pure chaotic opposites. This may cause big fights between the two but oddly enough i feel there's potential for the two to work really well together too. What im saying is PLEASE PLEASE IF WE GET ANOTHER SEASION I WANT TO SEE DUCK AND YELLOW HAVE THIER OWN ADVENTURE AND ITS CHAOTIC AND MESSY AND FUNNY AS FUCK PLEASE!!-

Roy: Roy is more sad. yellow loves him, yet that love is not mutual. and if it was it wasn't true families love, as it never stayed. Yellow flinches when Roy shows up in family. Yet he still wants to believe he came for him. Maybe yellow will realize this. that even though he loves him, He's not a good puppet person.

Lesley: This is interesting. If we are to believe she is his mother. he surely doesn't remember her. He Seems uncomfortable within her presence and skittish. But he stays and tries to be sweet. Maybe the reason he seems so skittish around her is because she might be the only creature he cant read that well. She's a mystery, her minds a mystery her everything is an enigma. Even to him. I don't think he remembers her at all. But one things for sure, even in the face of the unknown my boy aint rude.

EXTRA YAP JUST FOR YOU GUYS <3 !!!!!!!!!!

Yellow and clayhill-

Even though clay hill issnt cannon in the slightest and is played as a joke for all the older fans and the creators themselves IM A FREAKAZOID OK? IM INSANE! (i made a small headcannon weird thingy about yellow guy and clayhill to fit clayhill and its "Inexistence" into the series.) BEACUSE IM A MAD MAN OK!!?

I thought of the idea of clayhill being yellows little fanfiction (Babes first fanfiction!! he's following in the footsteps of his eldritch world building parents / guardians!!! <3 ) Yellow used it as a way to vent his little brain foggy daja vu head away.

Ill go though what i remeber clayhills plot line to be. Key thing is remember because I live in the US and i learned off of word of mouth mostly.

Its yellows ideal situation. hes with the other two. they are safe in a town with neighbors and people who love them and see them. Red is calmer, duck is more joyous. its yellows birthday today!. But a mean key comes to life and the mayor is missing.

Duck follows the key and is manipulated and hurt by steave. Yellows venting his frustrations with ducks blind following of the world even though it hurts him. but he understands, its because some of the objects are just so mean. Red runs away, Yellows venting his fears or daja vu like feeling that red will run away. leaving him all alone. He understands it might be for the greater good (finding the mayor) but he is still scared.

Yellow on the other hand, Gets a make over, he outsmarts an object. he finds a way to rescue duck and find red. to save the entire town and have his birthday party at home!. and i believe someone said the age on his badge changed from 38 to 48?

well if it did that might be yellow wishing to be older. Thinking if he was older he could control more things, talk better. Help more often. So in this world. everyday his is birthday, everyday he gets older. everyday he is seen and in control.

But This level of escapism doesn't really work for Lesley/Roy. so whenever they can they remind him that clay hill isn't real. it never was. and it never will be.