#but I was glad since I got it after the most depressing part of the game

[princessstabbity]

[torturedblue]

It’s the middle of the week, have some dancing turtles

Spoilers below as I gush about my Mutant Mayhem Monday experience 🤗 please feel free to gush with me I wanna hear other people’s thoughts too!

First off… When Seth wanted to put the teenager in TMNT he meant it. Like, all the versions act like teenagers, but like Nickelodeon PG stereotypical teens. MM turtles were the realest PG-13 outta pocket 21st century teenagers I’ve ever seen and I love that shit because it’s the first time I actually felt like I was around the kids in middle school and high school again with the way they talk. Kinda appreciate Superfly cussing too? Like idk it’s Ice Cube and this villain goes hard tryna kill some teenage turtles he formally saw as his lil cousins, let the grown mutant cuss

Also uh, was not expecting to be sad so early in the movie? Like I could tell from the trailers it was gon be an emotional rollercoaster but shit like ten minutes in and these turtles are fuckin depressed. And to see it really hit me because in every other version (except for Bayverse) the turtles literally never let not being part of the human world get to them. In the shows especially they’re so well adjusted and never bothered by sticking to the shadows. Then there’s Rise where they pretty much go out whenever they want and indulge in most of the human world stuff they want to. For these guys to be so stunted and desperate to have more freedom was so heart wrenching. Especially when Splinter grounds them for a whole month and the reality sinks in of how much they know the life they want isn’t an option for them

Wasn’t expecting any kind of ship or romance but that crush Leo has on April hit me like truck because…… holy crap the Leo-April pair has never been a thing? On top of that this is only the second on screen black April we’ve seen and I’ve been a Leo kinnie across the board since day one so to see this combo of my favorite character liking a black girl is making me lose my mind 🥲 and like it got me thinking of several of my favorite shows and the single characters I kin in those and if they’ve ever had black love interests and it’s just still not a common normalized thing honestly.

I’m sure a lot of people aren’t excited for the prospect of ships coming back (especially after 2012 scarred us) but as a Leo lover and black girl it got me so excited to see something like this. I’m just hopeful and optimistic they won’t mess it up like a lot of shows do. The “this is just as friends line” already makes me a little worried bc that trope never has a good history but I have faith they’ll handle things tastefully and not make it toxic or messy

MURDER THE SHREKS!

“I assume you’d wanna be on camera. ‘Cause you have, like a very camera ready look…” OKAY SMOOOOOTH LEONARDOOOOOO 👏🏽

Could not stop laughing while he was shooting his shot my face was literally donnie’s restraining myself from bursting out laughing

Just a couple of my favorite questions that April wrote down for them:

“Do you carry salmonella?” Look I still don’t know wtf salmonella is but it’s the second time a TMNT iteration has joked about it so I’m starting to think it has something specifically to do with turtles 👀

“Have you caught covid?” Oml covid exists in this world

“Are you the source of covid?” OUT OF LINE 💀

“How many people has the red bandana turtle stabbed? Does he need therapy?” Yes.

“Does sunlight cause you to burst into flames?” They’re- they’re not vampires? 😂

Leon Ardo deserves the world and whatever he wants in it give him everything 😭

I will never understand what made Donnie laugh so hard at the name Nardo other than it being because it’s his sibling and that it bothers Leo lmao

All imma say about the puke scene is that I’m glad I heard an “out of context” spoiler about it bc I knew exactly when to look away and I’m glad I did bc the scene lasted for so long??? 😀❓But hey at least I had Unwritten to listen too while I was sparing my eyes 😂

The sequence of them going around and shaking down those gangs and Superfly’s connections. BAD. ASS. And each of them got their own moments to shine? Loved it. Like they each even got to take point and have their moments where they got to kick in the door lol. And the fight scenes were just, muah. Chef’s kiss, they all looked amazing taking grown ass adults down together

Okay Splinter definitely gets the best dad award for putting together that little surprise party, with all the celebrity Chris’s and pretending to wait on them 🥺 so pure. It did make me sad the guys immediately left and you can just see such a sad dejected look on Splinter’s face, knowing he can’t provide what his kids really want or make them happy enough without it 🥲 At the very least they say thanks and that they appreciate but I would’ve at least stayed for a lil bit and gone along with it, Splinter just looked so excited about it and it was so sweet 😭

And he doesn’t even get upset though he knows they’re hiding something, he just says he’ll help them if they’ve gotten into trouble, which is something I’m sure almost every kid has wanted instead of having the kind of relationship where they’re more scared of telling their parents they messed up instead of handling it on their own

I love how musical Superfly’s family is 😂 Ray Filet just starts sing-introducing his name and Mondo and the other couple mutants when they drive with in the car trying to find music they could all sing to together 🥹 not to mention the musical references Superfly makes later that I’ll get to. “Kinda don’t wanna murder everyone on Earth, I just kinda wanna sing” Me too bruh.

Raph immediately going “goochi goochi goo” and playing peekaboo with Genghis frog is so underrated that boy has such a soft side he’s not even that afraid of showing at times, and maybe it’s continuing the trope of Raph having a soft spot for pets/animals? Who knows 😌

Yo I was kinda shook when that government guy knocked Leo out and he just fell unconscious on the ground 😶 Like we’re used to seeing the authorities be brutal especially in movies like this but that’s a whole teenager? You just assaulted a minor? 🙂 Crazy

Also I know it’s sad they got captured and drained painfully but Mikey in that scene was hilarious 😂 like even the way he was dramatically crying and Leo was just started to cry with him like “iM sO sOrRy mIkEeEeEy! 😭” gold. When one of his children is hurting Leo hurts too. One of my favorite moments 🤣

They literally started singing BTS while being tortured they’re so unserious but like in a serious way to them and I love it. Also the fact that they did it just to make Donnie feel better? So pure. Like Raph of all turtles offered to sing while being drained of blood (bc I refuse to use the m word 💀)

The way Splinter snuck in and soloed literal government soldiers single handedly? Badass. Never loved seeing a Splinter save his sons so much 🥹

“But it’s the only way we’ll be accepted.”

“No! We accept you!”

“You can come live with us! We accept you!”

“WE VIBE!”

Oml they’re so puuuuure 😭 I really thought this was gonna be a moment where the guys invite them all to come live with them and Splinter was gonna be like ‘aha 😬 whoa slow down there’ but damn nah he was just as enthusiastic as them inviting all those mutants to come live in their home forever “The more the merrier!” Like ugh he just loves finding family like Baxter Stockman and we see where the guys got their loving nature from 🥹

The amount of his soul Mikey put into that BROSEEEPH was so real like I’ve never heard the name broseph be said in any other way, I’m so glad they put that moment in there

“New York, New York!” “I’m the king of New York!”

Oml superfly’s a Broadway baby 🤗 he’s a big bad villain marching through time square and talking about King Kong but he’s fill gonna nerd out and make his musical theatre references 😂

“For once in your life you didn’t sound lame. You actually started to sound like a leader”

“That was really heartfelt Raph”

I love the Leo Raph dynamic in this movie. Like they don’t always agree or understand each other but they will show love towards one another and show mutual appreciation

Something about any of the turtles shells cracking always gets to me for some reason like those are some serious permanent injuries so I want to see if they do anything special with that in the sequel or show maybe 🤔 And I couldn’t tell if all of theirs cracked or just one, and if so which turtle it was. I think Leo or Raph. I feel like it was Leo but Raph’s are also starting to have a trend of getting cracks in their shells so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also I do not want to judge what other people like to wear but why are Raph and Donnie the only normal dressed ones 😭 like Mikey looks like he’s going on vacation and Leo looks like he’s going to clock in at Best Buy 😂 tell me it’s because they have limited resources for clothes lmao. HE’S LITERALLY WEARING A LANYARD

Them taking off the masks was crazy honestly… like them deciding not to wear them made my brain pause until I realize they’re kids going to school now and not being ninjas all the time… they don’t need them anymore. I’m just so pleased with the fact that this movie was willing to do what all other iterations weren’t. I see why they’re getting a sequel and show already, these guys and the plot development deserve so much more exploration

Maybe I missed something in the beginning but I’m wondering where Stockman went. Like is he still in custody? Did he die? Because not seeing him again that’s what I assumed but we only saw him get arrested or whatever, so if anything I don’t get why Superfly and the others wouldn’t try to break him out 🤔 I was surprised they didn’t make him a villain though, but I’m pretty happy about him getting to be a more optimistic kind character tho

SHREDDER HAD ME SHOOK LIKE THE ARMOR ALREADY LOOKED SO COOL AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GET THE BIG BAD INVOLVED AHHHH I’M SO READY TO SEE THEM REACT TO THIS ANGRY GIANT TIN CAN

Although I do wonder if Shredder’s gonna have some personal gripe with them since they have a different backstory he doesn’t seem to be a part of. And shit now that they’re public and in school it’s gonna be so much easier for him to go after them 😅 pluses and minuses…

The soundtrack: golden. Cultured. Nothing but range. Goes from a 90’s rap song to Natasha Bedingfield’s soulful 2000’s song. Most movies only ever have all pop mainstream songs or only rap songs because they think they can’t mix but MM does it effortlessly. The turtles are so versatile not just with music genres but they make old and new references ‘cause they’re well rounded kings 💪🏽 Between rizz, Adele, broski, Hey Arnold, K-Pop, Ferris Bueller, etc… I mean Donnie’s literally doing the sprinkler and the funky chicken in that gif up top 😂 they’re born in 2008 I doubt any kids today know about those dances anymore

Clearly I have all the thoughts and feelings about these boys and the movie, but I think this is probably my favorite TMNT movie? I’ve loved all of them but I think this one definitely brings me the most comfort fr

[antiwhores]

My dock - human!Bakugou x Mermaid!Reader

Part 1?

Part 2

Part 3

Y/n, a curious mermaid with a knack for trouble meets a human named Bakugou Katsuki. Bakugou, a curious human also with a knack for trouble meets a mermaid named y/n. Interspecies relationships- and even friendships are not allowed in the Mer-creature kingdom. And if people found out Mermaids are real then Y/n would be fish food. Love is hard as fuck.

Quirkless au cause im not tryna deal with him rn, eventual smut, near death experience, suggestive themes, violence, multiple parts.

Sorry ive been gone, im depressed and dont find joy in anything anymore LOL

You first met the blonde human when you were swimming near the shore. You obviously went supposed to be doing that but you were curious. You wanted to see humans even though the danger they hold could kill you.

He was walking on a bridge- well, more like stomping. He looked absolutely pissed, red face with steam practically radiating off of him. He was mumbling things under his breath that you couldn’t make out.

You left after a while of watching him, the sun was setting and you had to go home and catch fish.

The next time you saw him he was lounging by a doc in your special spot. Your beach was in the woods, secluded off unless you knew where you were going. There was a round, yet deep swimming area that sparkled a beautiful light blue. There was also a waterfall that was pretty high up. It was a magical place that you were glad to claim.

You watched from behind a big rock as he fed the ducks. He had a whole loaf of bread that he would break off into small pieces to aggressively throw at the ducks.

You called a duck over with a water wave made by your tail. Most mer-creature could talk to a selective few of animal.

“Who is he?” You whispered. The duck cackled, “Just some human boy. He comes here to feed us every day.” You asked for his name but the duck just flapped his wings. “I think his name was Katsu? I dont know, I’ll try to listen in.”

You thanked the duck and let him go fight for his snack.

Katsu? You thought that name rolled nicely off the tongue.

You continued to watch him from secluded areas for the next 3 weeks. You almost got caught a few times. He would hear you speak a little too loud or make too big of a splash and he would yell “WHOS THERE?” It started you enough each time to not come look for a whole day.

One day when you went up to look for him he wasn’t alone. He was at beach side of it this time with a couple other humans. One with red hair, one with green hair, pink hair, and brown hair. You picked up on their names after a while. Kirishima, Midoriya/Deku (?), Mina, and Uraraka. Later on some more named Kaminari and Iida showed up.

You watched them play around and practically beat each other up. Humans are so weird.

Apparently, Katsu lost a bet. Well, you learned his name was also Bakugou, Katsuki, and Kacchan. You’ll stick to Katsu since theres so many.

Kirishima dared Bakugou to jump off of the water fountain. You almost yelped out a protest once Bakugou agreed. It wasn’t safe! There were weeds at the bottom which would grab you and never let go! You had been working on getting rid of them all but there were still a few left.

And just as you thought, once he jumped he was stuck. You watched as he struggled under the grip of the weeds. You couldn’t just let him die! Before you knew it you were swimming over there full speed.

He looked at you threw wide eyes, you could tell he was loosing his breath. He tried to say something but only bubbles came out. You grabbed his face ad signaled for him to open his mouth. He did almost immediately, he must’ve been getting desperate.

You shoved your mouth against his, blowing air into his mouth which he greedily sucked up. You weren’t supposed to do that and you knew you’d be questioned and scolded for even letting a human know you existed. It was called the eternal breath. It allowed him to breath and talk under water with out it being drowned out for up to five minutes depending on how much you blew.

You signaled for him to breath and he gave you a crazy look. His cheeks were flustered and he didn’t know what to do. You hoped that wasn’t his first kiss or something, even though it was yours. You leaned into his ear and whispered, “Trust me Katsu.”

A wave of relief hit you once he did it. He looked at you in bewilderment, “What the fuck?! What the FUCK?!” You flinched but still made you way down to his feet. “You have a fucking tail?! What the fuck is going on?!” You shook your head, “No I don’t.” “What the FUCK!?”

You cut him free with your nails and signaled for him to go. He shook his head, “No! What kind of shit is this?! You have a tail!” You groaned, started to blush at the way he looked at you. He was even more handsome up close like this. “Either you leave or your gonna die in 1 minute once my breath wears out.”

You heard him yell after you once you began to swim away. You hid behind the entrance just to make sure he got up okay. You were on the verge of tears, you could get in so much trouble. What if he’s a bad guy and he’s gonna call his human hunters on you?

You practically gasped when he decided not to tell anyone of you. His friends crowded him, some in tears asking if he was okay. He just swatted them away and told them to fuck off. On that note you left.

You didn’t come back for 2 weeks. You were scared of coming back to traps and spears. The ducks reported to you instead. He has been coming every single day and staying for not just his usual 10 minutes but 3 hours. He sits there studying the water and calling out to any sudden movement from nature.

You couldn’t help your curiosity after that and the next day you showed up to watch him. You watched as he ate from his basket of what you think is called… Fruits? He lounged on the dock with no shirt on. His skin was tanned and golden.

You practically jumped once he called out to you. “Hey!” You dove back behind the rock. He rose to his feet, “No, no, no! Come back!” You slowly peaked behind the rock. He smirked, whispering “I knew you were real” before holding out a red fruit. “I got this for you.”

You came out behind the rock more to study the apple. You hissed at him thinking it was poisonous. He gave you an offended look, “What’re you scared of a fucking apple? Look.” He took a huge bite out of the thing and chewed. You watched closely as he swallowed it. “See?”

You sighed and finally just swam over to him. He sat down right off the edge and held the apple out to you. You quickly grabbed it and swam as fast as you could behind the rock.

You took a suspicious bite, it was… delicious! He chuckled as your face lit up. You took another bite, giving him a quizzical look. “Come here, ill give you another one.” You hesitantly swan over to him. But just as you were about to grab the apple he yanked it above his head. “Tell me your name.”

You glared at him, crossing your arms around your chest. “You can have all my fruits if you tell me your name.” You thought about it for a second. You could be hunted down for this. And you could be in deep shit if the council found out. But for some reason, you trusted this man.

A loud huff came out of your mouth, “y/n.”

[penguin--rat]

cardiomyocytes and connective tissue @nopanamaman

I’ve wanted to do a fic like this for some time now, a ‘thank you’ letter to PAFL and its community of sorts. I’m happy I finally got around to writing it:) 

I wasn’t sure whether I should do this or not, but, hey! It might make someone feel a bit better!! Or, reading the fic will. That’s enough reason, I think, and you don’t have to read this, of course, no matter who you are.

First of all, I want to talk about PAFL a bit.

The first PAFL song I listened to was PiP. I saw its thumbnail when listening to some other music youtube, and so, I listened to it. Oh boy am I glad I did:) I remember thinking how cool it is that someone's making songs for their OCs and that people are interested in them. I could see so much love for the characters in it. I was so happy when I discovered there were more songs like that!! This was around when Comfort Zone had first come out, a week or two after at most. That was two years ago. I’ve been obsessed ever since.

I love PAFL. I genuinely love that songs haven’t been coming out much lately. Like, there’s media that comes out weekly and sucks shit. I’m glad Ferry is taking their time with this!!! Even if all we get each year is one song, that’s cool, because the community is wonderful and we also get doodles and art and now patreon stuff.. yippee yay… !!! And even if we didn’t. who the fuck caressss!!!!! I love coming up with AUs and OCs and theorizing with my friends!!! the time between songs gives us time to do all that:)

The characters are so charming. Every member of the cast has been a fave of mine at some point or another. They’re all so, real! I love them! I love how they fuck up and I love how they get fucked over and I love how they get exploded and killed and shot and hugged and saved and helped!!! They’re human… might not make sense, but i rlly do like them…

It’s so neat looking back at older songs and seeing how stuff’s changed. The art style, the music, it’s all so nice to look back on. Even if I wasn’t there for it.

And don’t even get me started on the worldbuilding..  Everyone say thank you to Boris Strugackij and Arkadij Strugackij for making roadside picnic and inspiring Ferry to make this… so lovely and neat. wonderful. I have not read it myself, but I might, just to be able to make my own pafl OCs more swagger..

So. This fic.

I can’t mention two years ago without at least mentioning my depression.

I can’t remember most of last year, speaking truthfully. Parts of 2021 are also fuzzy. Depression and anxiety are terrible, would not recommend. This feels cheesy to say, but it does get better!!! Slowly, unsteadily, it gets better!!! I don’t mean for this part of the post to be a ‘feel bad for me’ thing at all. Do not. I am safe and healthy now and I couldn’t be happier to be here right now.

Is life good now?? Sorta, but what matters to me right now is, I’m happy!!! It feels so surreal. I never thought I’d be like this. A part of me wants to be angry, to get depressed again about how I could have been happy all this time. But I won’t!!! Because then I’d spiral and forget another year, and, I don’t want that!

Which is so cool!!! I can like, fucking, do stuff now!! I can throw away the bad thoughts, embrace the good ones, encourage myself!!! I do things!!! I go outside and goddd dude that’s so good!! I go outside!!!

I’m doing stuff! I’m drawing, writing, cleaning my room, taking care of myself!!! If I didn’t stay alive to enjoy these small joys, what am I even here for?? 

And I’m alive!!! I’m here!!! I made it, I’m here, writing this on 10th november, 2023, and I’m ALIVE!!!! How cool is that??? 

And yea, the world is shitty, it sucks ass, but, my friends don’t!!!:3 and that’s more than enough for me… SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIENDS!!! I LOVE YOU DUDES!!!

Moving on:

It doesn’t feel right to say that I’m here now only to PAFL. But, what I can say is that it’s been a wonderful crutch for me!! It’s been something to focus on, something silly, but also something I can relate to, and something that inspires me to make my own stuff! I’d most likely still be here, were it not for these silly songs.. but, not sure I’d be as alive as I am now! Unsure if my heart would feel right in my chest! And I wouldn’t have met my amazing friends!!!! Everyone here is so nice.

Dima may be a bit OOC in this fic, and that's because! This fic is based on my own experiences, which, i don’t think is bad…

I could talk here forever about how it gets better. Butttt to be quite honest I don’t wanna lol. I just wanna say, Thank you! to Parties are for Losers, for being cool. 

(Though I also wanna say, don’t put Ferry on a pedestal, they’re human, we all make mistakes, all that stuff.)

Ok time to go back to my manly Sergei ways and never talk about emotions ever again. or as anya would say: FUCK IT WE BALL!!!!!

[ariisheresstuff]

HI I recently discovered your blog and I’m so glad I did!!! Your fics are awesome.

Could you please do a Joel miller comfort fic where reader is struggling with depression and Joel is shocked to see her bedbound and unwell as she is normally really strong willed. Lots of comfort please thank you 😭😭

Hello!!! And I’m so glad you enjoy my Fics! Straight up made my day 💜🫶🏻😭 I hope you enjoy your request! 💗☺️ (side note: I’m not sure if you wanted Joel before the outbreak or after so I think this request suits best during the outbreak. I hope that’s okay with you! <3)

You Are Strong

Pairings: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader (Age gap between reader and Joel) (Reader is around 30 or 20 ig?) (Joel is around 50)

Genre: Comfort

Warnings: Mental health, depression

MasterList

A/N: Ty for the request! Enjoy! <3

You, Joel, and Ellie had just made it to Jackson where Tommy was. It was an exhausting trip for the three of you, but every pressure on your shoulders felt like they were being lifted up and away as the three of you saw Tommy and felt some sort of hope there.

You were munching on the delicious supper that was given to the three of you, but for the most part you’ve been really quiet. Ellie was of course the first one to notice. She sat in between you and Joel. She looked over at you and saw you poking at the food with your fork. “You okay over there?” She whispered to you not wanting to make a scene in front of Joel and his brother. You jumped a bit as you got out of your daydream state. You looked over at her and gave her a small smile, but it wasn’t all the way there. “I’m fine, why?” “You just been down for a couple days. It’s not like you, just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Bless her heart you thought to yourself, you reached over for her hand and squeezed gently as she smiled at you, you gave one back. She then turned her head to finish eating, your smile went back into a frown as you sighed quietly. You just felt so… empty.

Tommy had shown you guys the house you’ll be staying at. It was a pretty big house just for three people. “Hope you folks enjoy it.” Tommy said with a smile, Joel thanked his brother before hugging him. You went over to thank Tommy as well and give him a hug as well. “Thanks Tommy, we really appreciate it.” You told him making him smile at you, “That’s what family is for.” He pulled you in a hug rubbing your back, you almost wanted to cry at how gentle he was with you. You’ve known him forever, ever since the breakout happened. You both pulled away giving each other a smile before you turned to where Ellie was and walked with her in the house. Joel watched as the two of you went inside while Joel stayed with his brother. As Tommy and Joel watched you and Ellie go inside, Tommy patted Joel’s shoulder making him look at Tommy. “Joel, have you noticed something’s wrong with Y/N?” Joel gave his brother a confused look “What do you mean?” Tommy gave him a frown “She just seems down, Y’know? When y’all were eating I could just see something is eating her up inside. It caught my eye when I saw Ellie talking to her, but after she just went back to being down.” Joel couldn’t really process what his brother meant, you seemed okay during the trip. “I haven’t notice at all if I’m being honest.” “Maybe you should go and talk to her. Be there for her.” Joel looked at his brother and nodded making Tommy give him a quick smile. Joel thanked him again before patting his back and going their separate ways.

As Joel entered the house, he sighed as felt warmth enter. He looked around the house before going upstairs assuming you and Ellie were up there. He walked towards door before opening it, he saw Ellie looking out the window as she watched the snowflakes fall quietly. “Where’s Y/N?” He asked softly Not wanting to scare the girl, Ellie turned towards him. “Down the hall.” Joel nodded before he decided to ask Ellie about you. Joel walked into the room before closing the door “What’s going on with Y/N? Tommy asked me about her and said that you talked to her during dinner.” Ellie sighed as she felt like she was trying to hold it in “She seems upset, she told me she was fine but I know deep down she isn’t. She’s really stubborn like you.” Joel scoffed and rolled his eyes making Ellie laugh a bit “She looked like she wanted to cry.” Joel felt terrible for not realizing this, he’s known you for so long and he can’t even tell that you been going through stuff. Joel sighed “Alright, I’ll talk to her. Get some rest.” Ellie nodded as Joel walked out of the room and closing the door, he took a deep breath before walking down the hall like Ellie said and seeing another door that was closed. He opened it before stepping into the bedroom, he turned his head to the left and saw you also looking out the window watching the snow fall. Joel smiled a bit, he walked over to you. You knew it was him by the sounds of his footsteps, he placed his hand on your shoulder and rubbed softly. Joel watched the snow fall with you before he spoke to you, “You doin’ okay?” He asked you softly, you turned to face him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Joel sighed “Ellie said you looked upset during dinner and Tommy also seemed to notice. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” “I’m fine Joel, really.” “Please talk to me, that’s why I’m here.” You we’re starting to get overwhelmed, “I’m okay Joel, just stop please.” “Darling.” He cupped your face with his large hands as he cradled your face. You stared into his chocolate eyes as he looked into your eyes, you felt a lump in your throat. “Please darling, talk to me.” Your bottom lip trembled as fat tears clouded your vision, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You broke a sob as Joel pulled you into his chest, your sobs were muffled from his shirt. He rubbed your back as he kissed your temple a few times. “It’s okay baby, let it out.” He told you as your shoulders shook “It’s gonna be okay.” He let you get it all out before you slowly started to calm down.

You both stood in front of the room for a good few minutes. Joel swayed your bodies back and forth softly as he listened to you hiccup and whimper. His arms were wrapped around you as you continued to sniffle and whimper. After another few minutes Joel softly cupped your face from his chest, he felt his heart break as the sight of your broken face. Your eyes were all red and puffy and your cheeks were red and stained with tears. Joel wiped away your tears as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, “Wanna talk to me about what’s upsetting you?” He asked you softly, you nodded gently as you hiccuped. Joel leaded you to the bed as he sat down with you, he took your hand in his lap as he ran a thumb over your knuckles in a comforting matter. You took a deep breath before you explained. “It’s just— ever since we lost Tess, it’s been such a train wreck. I feel like I’m losing everyone I know and it kills me. I just wished that life was back to normal.” You voice broke as more tears fell down “I-I wanna live a normal life again, I want to be happy but I can’t. I just want this to be over already. I’m j-just scared that I’m gonna loose you or Ellie. Hell, and Tommy. It’s just eating me up and I can’t take it anymore. I just want life back the way it was and I don’t wanna worry about surviving 24/7.” A few tears slid down your face as Joel felt like he wanted to cry with you. “Darlin’….” He said softly “You aren’t gonna loose me,Ellie, or Tommy. You are the most strongest human being I know. Do ya hear me? You went through so much and look how far you’ve gotten. It hurts me to see you like this, but you have such a strong heart. I want life to go back to normal too honey. I bet we all do, but I promise you one day. You are so strong willed and I’m proud of you with the progress you made.” Joel gave you a soft smile, as you wiped away your tears. Joel reached a hand over to place on your cheek as he ran a thumb over the apple of your cheek. You snuggled into his warm hand as you started to calm down, you looked at him giving him a smile. “There ya are.” He said making you laugh softly, “I’m sorry if I scared you.” You told him as he got up to join you in bed, “Don’t be sorry, I’m just glad you’re okay and told me what’s wrong. Just know I’m always here for you.” You nodded as you snuggled up into his chest, he wrapped an arm around your form pulling you into him. You sighed as your muscles relaxed knowing that you were safe and loved. “Thank you Joel.” “For what darling?” “For everything, protecting me and Ellie and just getting us here.” Joel smiled and felt his heart go warm, “It’s my job darling.” You giggled lightly, “I love you.” You said softly making Joel leaned down to peck your forehead as he rubbed your back, “I love you too.” You also felt your heart going warm knowing that you two will always be by each other’s sides no matter what.

Tag-List: @otomefan @amis-love-bugs @slasherstories123 @avengersfan25

[luvmmarner]

ANDREI SVECHNIKOV - HATE HATE HATE

Written for @comphy-and-cozy sorry if it was a bitt late. My editing for chapters take awhile, especially if working on other stuff. I decided to cut this up, as it didn't make sense to put another scene I've written with this one. Thank you @jackhghes for helping me to semi edit this. I'm horrible at editing and it probably would take me a whole month to edit this. Also, very sorry about the delay. My ADHD just distracts me all the time, but when's not a good time to release this then now! Also for the part about reader not thinking much into it or acting on it. It's because I kinda wanted this to be a semi-slow burn, where reader is oblivious.

TW: the reader gets drugged (nobody knows, so we just say we drank a lot), drinking, reader is very depressed but is fine later on, sexual tension (briefly). Words marked with this font mean it's a flashback. People included in flashbacks will be a key part in later chapters :) Word Count: 4k? 3k? Idk.

CHAPTER 1 - Hatred

Hatred…

That’s one word you thought you would never use. Except, of course, for the times when you were younger when you would say it to your siblings when they were being annoying or making you angry, but you never meant it.

You didn’t know you were capable of hating someone so much until you met Andrei Svechnikov. 

As soon as you met the Russian, you were already certain that the two of you would have little chance of getting along. You hated his arrogant behaviour and his ‘I don't care’ attitude. You usually didn’t mind when people were arrogant and had big egos; growing up, you had to encounter that a lot between your siblings. You didn’t remember much growing up, only that you were raised in Finland before you decided to move. Although it's difficult for you to recall specific memories from your time in Finland, they frequently come back to you when your siblings bring them up. Your favourite memory that constantly comes back to you is when you and your brother both learned how to skate at the same time. You both instantly got the hang of it. You had always wished that your parents could have afforded hockey lessons for both of you, but unfortunately, they could only afford to pay for one of you at a time. You decided to let your brother play hockey and wait until they could afford the lessons for you. However, by the time they were able to pay for you, you had already lost interest in playing hockey. Your love for skating and hockey did not go away, but you figured that because it had been so long since you last played, you weren't very good at it anymore. As a result, you decided to stop playing and concentrate on your studies instead. When you reached maturity, you found that you enjoyed skating more than you had in your younger years, and as a result, you chose to enroll in figure skating classes. You didn't have to necessarily turn professional; even if you weren't the best, you could still find fulfillment in what you were doing.

The day your brother got drafted into the NHL was probably the best day of your guys life. You were very proud of your brother, but also upset that he would be leaving and you wouldn’t be able to hang out with him as much anymore. The day you got a green card and were finally permitted to live in the United States forever was the most exciting day of your life. Your brother made a quick offer to live with him, and you agreed instantly. You didn’t want to agree initially and said you’d find somewhere, but you made the decision a few days later to live with your brother after you couldn’t find a place. You moved in with him shortly after you got to the United States and got settled into your new home.

You were very glad that you were able to live with your brother. It wasn’t like you could live without your brother’s help, but both of you guys were so used to spending time together and being together that it only made sense that you guys would live together growing up. 

You didn’t mind living with your brother at the start, but when it turned into months, it was more annoying than ever. You didn’t think it was your brother that was specifically annoying; it was the friends he brought over. He always had you introduce yourself to his friends; you didn’t mind some of his friends, especially the ones that weren’t his teammates. It was his teammates that you were most annoyed about. You didn’t want to introduce yourself to them since you could never see yourself being friends with any of them.

There’s always multiple parts that come with missing someone. One being is waiting, and the other is loneliness and quietness. You never expected you’d be waiting for your brother to return home from his trip with his friends in Sweden. You never expected the loneliness and quietness that came with him being gone. You were definitely used to it when he was on road-trips with his team, but he would always come home eventually. The days you wait eventually turn into a few months. You didn’t even know it was July until you got a text from your brother saying, “Happy 4th of July.” It wasn’t like you were just sitting at home all day; you did go outside from time to time, but you had no motivation to do anything else beyond that. 

You have never experienced this before. You knew it was bad for your general health and body, but you were just tired and exhausted all the time. It wasn’t like you were eating unhealthy as well. You just didn’t go outside much and slept for most of the day. It ended up with you getting fired because of it, but you didn’t care. You disliked your job anyway, and you knew it was only a matter of time before you got the call that you were fired and when you got it. You weren’t surprised at all, only replying with an ‘Okay’ before hanging up.

Today was no different from any other day. You decided to watch Netflix and just chill in bed all day. You were probably just going to order a pizza or something since you haven’t had it for awhile and you weren’t in the mood to really cook today. You were so wrapped up in your TV show that you didn’t pay any attention to the commotion downstairs. Even if you did pay attention to it, you were way to tired to go downstairs anyways. It was most likely your friends coming over to check up on you.

“Yeah, you could just put it in my room for the time being.” The voice echoed through the hallways. You heard the voices travel to the living room before dying out. You didn't find it particularly interesting to pay attention to it, so you chose to bring your focus back to the show. After hearing your brother's room open, you finally made up your mind to pay attention to the ruckus that was going on. You waited for a bit, just listening. It wasn’t until you heard footsteps coming from his room that you stood up straight away, and nothing else was going through your head except irritation. You made it very clear to your friends that they were not to enter your brother's room. You didn’t even go in there. It was His room, Nobody else’s. You were just about to go into his room, but a voice made you stop in your tracks. It sounded oddly familiar… too familiar. You heard that voice growing up. You muttered an inaudible ‘no way’ under your breath. There’s ‘no way’ you constantly repeat those words over and over. He wasn’t supposed to be back until August. It's all just in your head, right?

It was then that the door to your brother's room opened. It wasn’t your brother, though. It was the Russian you only met briefly; your brother called him Andrei; you never talked with him before; you only introduced yourself to each other before engaging in conversations with others. 

“Like something you see, milyy?” There was no mistaking the inquisitiveness behind that smirk of his as he spoke.

You never heard the word ‘milyy’ and even if you didn’t know the meaning. You decided then and there that you hated the word, regardless of the meaning it holds. “Don’t call me that, and thanks, but no, I don’t. I’ve seen better.” You smiled as you watched the smirk slowly disappear. "Sure, milyy whatever you say.” His voice was rolling to a whisper as he approached you, inches away from your face. “You definitely wouldn’t be saying that soon.” His smirk reappeared as he stepped away, watching you. You couldn’t help the redness on your face after he said that. Your throat going dry immediately. “I would rather die than ever date you.” You bit back the irritation in your voice, trying to be respectful and not let it show that the comment effected you like it did.

“Keep saying that. We both know it’s not true.” He said, walking away, before adding, “Your brother is looking for you.” 

If you weren’t shocked before, you’re definitely shocked now. When you first saw Andrei, a part of you kind of suspected that your brother was already at home, but the realization didn't fully hit you until now. You pay little attention to the previous sentences and are just focusing on the fact that your brother is at home. You nervously head downstairs, multiple voices seemingly bouncing off the walls until it just goes quiet. Your mind going blank, shutting out all the other voices. The only one you cared about hearing was your brother’s. “Hey sis.” Sebastian said, already pulling you into a hug. The warmth of the hug made you feel safe and happy. A feeling you haven’t felt since he’s been gone.

“I missed you, Seb.” You mumbled low enough that only he could hear. You didn’t need any of his teammates laughing, especially Andrei.

It seems like eternity, but when you both pull away, you’re smiling something that you’ve refused to do for awhile. 

“I missed you too, sis. Sorry for being gone for a while.” Seb says this before pulling away.  Andrei cuts in. “Sorry for ruining this reunion, but we really should be getting going. The boys wouldn’t be happy to wait any longer.”

“Wait what.” You ask, confusion hitting you. “Where are you going? You can’t just leave; you-” 

It was like your brother could instantly sense the sadness in your tone. Because he was quick to reassure you. “We are just going to the club. You are welcome to come with us if you'd like.” 

You give a nod. “Okay, I’ll come, I guess.”

“We ain’t going to babysit you all night. If you want to go home, we ain’t leaving to drive you.” Andrei said abruptly he didn’t even wait for a response before he left, probably to start up the car.

You decided at this very moment..

You hated Andrei Svechnikov. You usually don’t go out clubbing; the last time you did, it was with one of your friends. It was an experience that you never wanted to experience again. It wasn’t bad in any way, but it was the fact that your friends all left with somebody, and you were left all by yourself.

“Come onnnn!” Kimberly said. She’s been trying to convince you for hours now to come with her and Lena to the club. “I don’t know.. I don’t have anything to wear.” 

Kimberly opened your closet like she already knew the answer. She sorted through your clothes before deciding on a few she liked. "Here, look! Here's some that’ll look good on you.” You glance at the clothes before turning away with disgust. “I’d rather stick to jeans or something.” Kimberly's smile turned into a frown. “Alright, then how about this?" She showed you a few more options before you decided on an outfit.

You made the decision to dress down for the occasion by donning some jeans and a tank top. You chose to wear something that would be comfy, even if it is not what the majority of people would wear out, because you weren't really in the mood to go to begin with. You weren't typically choosy about the clothes you wore, but there are certain items that you either don't want to wear in public or you just aren't really feeling in the mood to wear at the moment. - - -

You were unable to recall much of what happened after that. All you can think of is how badly you wanted to leave...

Escape…

“Leave her alone.” A voice spoke from behind you as the laughter of the guys around you died down. You didn’t bother looking at who said that. You just got up, pushing through the crowded room, trying to look around for your friends, but to your luck,  they were nowhere in sight.

You felt your chest tighten, and it was harder to breathe by the minute. Your whole body felt dizzy. 

You didn’t remember anything after that, but somehow you made it back home safe.

There wasn’t much conversation during the car ride. You just mainly focused on your phone, unless you asked if they could skip songs you didn’t like. Thankfully, they didn’t complain; you really didn’t want to argue with Andrei about something as dumb as music.

Once you made it inside, you quickly made an introduction to a few of your brother’s friends, who all rode in different cars together. You knew a few, but it wasn’t any of the friends you usually had conversations with and enjoyed talking to. You made your way to the bar, telling the bartender what you’d like to get - on the rare occasion when you do decide to leave the house.

You made the hasty decision to go to the bathroom, hoping that your drink would be ready by the time you arrived back. You thought that if the bartender saw you leaving, that he would hopefully put your drink to the side or at least look after it. If you weren’t back in time.

It was once again the worst decision you could’ve ever made.

When you immediately returned to your spot, you found your drink already there. You weren’t too long in the bathroom, so you just made a guess that it was just made. You took a few sips. 

“Is that what you usually order?” A random guy who happened to be in front of you asked. 

“Yeah. I don’t drink that much, so this is the only thing I’ve tried.” I laughed slightly.

He gave a chuckle back. “I’m the same. I only like a few drinks, most of which my friends actually offered me to try. I’m way picky with my choice of drinks, so I only stick with a few I like.” 

You nodded, smiling slightly. It was good to finally have a normal conversation with someone, and this guy seemed nice. You gave a quick look around. Your brother was nowhere to be found, but you did spot Andrei. He was already staring right at you, and he seemed pissed about something. You rolled your eyes. He’s always got to be mad about something; he can never be happy.

You moved your attention back to the guy in front of you. “What’s your name?” 

“Tyler.”

You extended your hand to shake it as you said your name as well. Out of nowhere, you felt your head start to pound. “It’s loud in here, ain’t it?” You say, once again chuckling. You brushed it off, stating it was merely because there was loud music playing. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Tyler asked, his fingers going out to softly touch your back. 

It was somewhat relaxing; you couldn’t lie. You would never allow any stranger to touch you at all, yet the kindness and the gentle touches made you feel somewhat better, and you liked it. “Uh yeah. Wanna go dance?” 

He had no chance to speak as you took his arm, lightly tugging on it as you led the way. 

After that, everything started to happen all at once. There was no apparent cause for the sudden sensation of lightheadedness and dizziness that came on suddenly. To prevent yourself from falling down, you had to maintain a firm hold on Tyler. When he inquired, "Are you okay?" you opened your mouth to respond, but no words materialized in your mind. 

The last thing you heard was Andrei’s voice.

Then it went black.

You let out a low grunt. It felt as though a thousand bricks were being thrown at your back. You muttered to yourself that this would be the last time you ever drank. You opened your eyes, and although it took a moment for your vision to clear, you immediately realized that you were home, safe, and in bed. 

The headache that you had been experiencing prior to this was, of course, was still present. You were in a terrible mood. You had no idea how you got home. You didn’t feel like getting up at all… You just wanted to sleep, and hopefully the next time you wake up, it wouldn’t feel like this. 

The next time you woke up, you were in bed. You checked the time on your phone. The brightness of it makes your eyes fully open. It was 9:27am. You groaned. It was too early, and you didn’t feel like getting out of bed. You took a few minutes to try to fall back asleep, but all the attempts were unsuccessful, so you eventually decided to give up and get up. 

The headache that you previously had seemed to pass over during your sleep. Thank gosh. You really didn’t want to have to experience that throughout the day. You quickly shower and get changed into fresh clothes. You didn’t remember much about last night, only that you met this guy and that your brother disappeared for most of the night. You were definitely going to bother him about that later on. 

Right, now you were starving. You head towards the kitchen, quickly grabbing an apple before making your way towards the living room. You planned for this day to just be a relaxing day. However, as soon as you glared at the couch, you rolled your eyes.

Andrei was already awake; he was on his phone, listening to something on his headphones. As soon as he saw you, though, he took them off. "Are you okay, milyy?” He asked, sounding worried but not making any moves to get up.

You rolled your eyes. Why does everyone ask that? Of course you were okay. You would certainly know if you weren’t. You walked over silently, asking if you could sit here. He seemingly got the message and gave a nod of approval. “Uh. What happened to my brother? The last time I saw him, he was having drinks, and the next he was nowhere to be seen.” “Tony took him to his place. He had too much to drink. He said they were planning on hanging out later today, so he thought it would be easier to take him to his place.”

You couldn't help but laugh; that was so typical of your brother. It is impossible for him to control his drinking; after only a few sips, he becomes extremely inebriated. "Oh, well, that's not good at all. I should have known from the beginning that he was not a good drinker. 

Andrei grinned again. You already knew what this meant. He was probably going to say something stupid to embarrass you. “Last night, it looked like you didn’t handle it well either. Compared to him, you were actually much worse.”

What do you mean by that? " I only had one drink.” You were more confused than ever. There’s no way. You've had numerous drinks before, and it’s never been so bad that you couldn’t recall how you got home. You just assumed that you ordered yourself an Uber and went home, or that your brother drove you. 

“Milyy… I drove you home. Do you remember?” Andrei questioned. You shook your head in disbelief. “No? I just thought my brother drove me home or that I ordered an Uber.” 

Andrei started to explain what happened, as you did your best to tell him what you already remembered so he could explain what transpired there. You were never this embarrassed until this moment. As he explained, you began to remember most of what happened. 

“I got you, milyy.” Andrei said his arms were wrapped around you to hold you steady so you didn’t fall. “It’s okay, baby. Let’s get you outside, okay?” You nodded; you felt sick, and the heaviness in your head wasn’t stopping.

“Can you take me to your place?” “No, milyy. I’m taking you home.” The strictness in his tone had you squirming.

You pouted; this was so unfair. You didn’t want to go home. You wanted him to take you to his place. “Ok, but I want you to take me to your home. I want to be in your bed.”

Andrei ignored your comment as he led you outside in the cold air; it felt amazing against the hotness of your skin. You loved it. You closed your eyes. This was so relaxing. 

The next thing you remembered was being in Andrei’s car; he was quick to turn on the A/C due to your request. You mumbled thanks before staring out the window.

“Why don’t you like me?” 

The question that came from you was so out of nowhere. You knew it, but you didn’t care. 

“I do, milyy.” Andrei reassured you, his hand just slightly brushing against yours. “Then why wouldn’t you want to fuck me?” You already felt tears coming down. Were you not good enough for him? Did he not like you? You didn’t understand. The question made him immediately silent. He didn’t even give you an answer right away.  After a brief time of being silent, he replied “I’m not interested.”

That’s at least what he told you. You shouldn’t care, really. It wasn’t like you guys were ever going to be a thing. You hated him, and he hated you. It was obvious, even if he said he didn’t.

“I’m sorry that I said that, but yeah. I’m not interested either. It was just the alcohol talking, not me.” You laugh, attempting to release the mood. 

It’s seemingly worked because Andrei laughed with you.

“Alright, well, I’m just going to head out. Seb asked me to see if you were alright in the morning.” Andrei said, not allowing you to respond before he was already gone.

You were left feeling confused. He lied. You knew exactly what he said. It was constantly repeating in your head. “You hate me, milyy. As much as I do. Trust me, if you weren’t out of it right now. I’d give you everything you want.”

You brushed it off, assuming he may have just had a few too many drinks as well.

Right?

—

You didn’t see Andrei for a month after that. You were very grateful, and you seemed to forget all about that night. You wish it could’ve stayed like this. You knew it wouldn’t last long until your brother was once again bringing his teammates over. You didn’t mind, and you even joined them when they started to play a few games.

You decided to drink once again, but only because you knew your brother wouldn’t leave again. Plus, it was in your own home. If you didn’t feel good, you could easily just go lay down. The night had been going well until Andrei had to ruin it.

“I’d be careful if I were you. You wouldn’t want to drink too much like last time, right, little one?” 

“Why? Don’t you want to hear me ask you to fuck me? Oh right, I forgot we both aren’t interested, so I know that wouldn’t happen.” You smiled; you weren’t drinking a lot this time only having small sips, so you knew exactly what you said. It was only to piss him off, and it worked perfectly. Because he shut right up after that.

You hummed in amusement before you made your way to where your brother was, joining him in whatever game they were playing. You felt Andrei's eyes staring at you every now and then, and you couldn’t help but smile every time you looked at him. He deserved it.

If Andrei expected you to just listen to whatever he had to say without saying anything back, he was very wrong. You hated him, and you were going to make that very clear.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Spoiler for Jujutsu Kaisen

I'm sorry it's so long and looks like a vent post. I'm sorry for those of you who had great luck in avoiding Jujutsu Kaisen until now. With that, let me give some context before the assholery.

Jujutsu Kaisen has a breakout character, Gojo, he is unique, flawed, well written, well loved, overpowered, and the most misunderstood character in this series. He recently met his end in the most infuriating way possible. It was an unceremonious death, off screened, after the biggest most violent battle in the series. Before he was brutally offed with just meaningless exposition detailing how he was killed and him uncharacteristically justifying the death in an afterlife scene that's written to appease a large part of the fandom (shippers- he's gay coded, no waifu here). His death completely destroyed his legacy and the future of this manga.

Problem: This is a popular series with disproportionate numbers of haters, casual fans, fans who get their information from tiktok or fanworks instead of the manga, fans who did a surface level reading of it, opinionated fans who didn't read after a certain point but discuss every new chapter like they're experts, people who hate it because they compared it to their favorite series and Jujutsu Kaisen didn't go that way, people who harass the readers and wish bodily harm on the author for not conforming to FANON, the works.

Gojo was MIA for almost 3 years which made fanon takeover the fandom, when he came back the author was accused of mischaracterization and bad writing because he didn't match 3 years of fanon. Reiterating, I mean fanon not headcanon, the headcanons here are almost all fanon based too and you will get nasty anons if you say you dislike FANON or praise CANON but I believe in people's right to headcanon.

My relationship with this: I've been a fan since 2019, this character of Gojo resonated with me like no one did in my 20+ years in fandom, he is my specialest blorbo, his relationship with his best friend has moved me etc. I'm autistic and this is my special interest as well. Needless to say depression has hit me like a freight train.

MY problem: My friend of 7 years who's currently deeply into yuri and danmei, who shared many fandoms with me, has been through the thick and thins with me, has decided to make me an enemy. When the chapter came out he chatted with me sent his condolences. Then he in his own social medias started talking about how he knew it was going to be a bad series, how he's glad he quit after struggling through 50 chapters, made all the jokes in the world about this death, discussed every little thing he hated and mocked this with his other weeb friends who are like the people I mentioned in the Problem section, validated all their complaints based on their reading of the FANON. He has had many discussions with me about this manga and very rarely did he express any of this negativity.

My assholery: I got frustrated, it was like he wanted me to see how much he could hurt me. I messaged him saying, "Hey what are you saying here, that's not how this character is written. The chapter is bad but this criticism is baseless and in bad faith" He laughed it off, "It's not that deep, this is fiction." I argued that's a shallow thing to say, he said it should have been like FANON since that makes more sense. I said that's conventional writing I thought we wanted different things than the same old nice characters in found family and such.

Then I said something about his favorites and hypocrisy, he said he's not so into it that he couldn't take criticism. I said that was a lie he's always writing essays about those characters. I also said criticize it for the right reasons damn it. He kept denying his own love for his fave so he could keep criticizing mine, because he at least had the sense to not fall for a shounen series. I asked if he was enjoying hurting me. He said are you for real, get a grip and stop justifying your behavior for fiction, they won't giving you cookies for defending them, if you can't bear to see negativity then feel free to mute or block. I snapped and said this is why no one likes casual fans, you can't keep your mouth shut about things you don't know. Have fun with being a two faced friend to everyone. Then I blocked him everywhere.

Some of my friends said I should have muted him long ago, I said this was inevitable if he was just going to validate everyone in vicinity, he had to pick a side. Others said I was right to tell him off. I regret some of the comments I made now.

AITA for the way I handled it? He is right, I could have muted him, I could have not spent my time doomscrolling and seeing all the bad takes he agreed with. I could have waited it out and not dropped an old friend over fiction. I could have done many things.

Please don't comment about touching grass, that's the least helpful thing anyone can say on blorbo the website. It's not a real advice we all know that. Therapy is also there for the depression and it will take years for me to get over the death, you don't need to remind me.

What are these acronyms?

[peachymilkandcream]

Someone To Love|Part 2|Reiner x Jealous Reader

(A/N: It's kind of nice and out of my normal style to write a much more wholesome romance, but I can't say I dislike it. You gotta have the fluff with your angst. And since this is going with yandere Levi it's good to have a bit of a change of pace. Comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: implied nsfw, depression, attempted suicide, violence, general angst, slowburn, lowkey love triangle with a happy ending, not a warning but Reiner calls you nicknames instead of y/n (because I personally can't stand it)

==============================================

It felt like the air had been knocked out of her lungs.

"An Island Devil?"

"I know, it's crazy, trust me I already know that. Especially after everything they did to Bertholdt and Annie. I don't know, I just feel...good about myself and safe around her."

She clears her throat, trying to keep the wad of emotion down in her chest so it doesn't spill out all at once. "And you say her name is Evelyn? I..uhm- tell me about her-"

Reiner leans back with a shy smile. "Well for starters she's short, really short, but she's also fun, and super sweet, an impressive fighter, and pretty on top of that. Like the ultimate package."

"How did you meet her?"

"When I was under cover she was one of the Scout officers, I didn't get to see a whole lot of her since she was part of Captain Levi's squad, but still. As far as Island Devils go she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met."

"Does she know who you are?"

Now Reiner frowns, apparently a sore spot for him. "Yes she does, when we fled I exposed who I was to her...and she said she hated me."

She tries to hide her relief with a deep breath, it wouldn't help anything to outwardly show how glad she was of that.

"So you'll never see her again."

"Until we return to Paradis to reclaim the Founder it seems unlikely." His mood changed, his tone becoming more and more depressed.

"That's too bad. She sounds wonderful."

"Yeah...she was." Reiner rests his elbow on the table, staring into the wooden pattern. "By now she's probably married off to Captain Levi, no screw that, why should I respect him with a title, to Levi."

"Who's Levi?" She didn't know who he was but if he was able to give Reiner closure with this unattainable crush she'd be thankful to him.

"Selfish bastard. Captain of the Survey Corps and man does he abuse that. Always unfairly punishing everyone and demanding respect." He shakes his head. "Creep watched Evelyn like some kind of sick stalker. There were many times I got punished for being anywhere near her. Asshole."

"Maybe you just didn't understand their dynamic?"

"Impossible, it was so obvious he was sick in the head. But no one saw it but me."

Bravely she reaches out to touch his hand. "It'll be okay Reiner, you can move on now. Forget about what happened their and live the rest of your life in peace."

"The rest of my life." He scoffs. "What short time I have left."

The thought made her wince, but he had a point. If she didn't try harder he'd be killed and they'd never have that life she dreamed of, even if it was for a short time.

"That's why you need to make the most of it."

Reiner nods, taking in her words. "You're right, sitting here sulking over what could have been won't get me anything but wasted time." A smile comes to his face. "Thanks kid, you always make me believe in myself."

She blushed a little at the nickname, even after all of this he still saw her as the same girl from their childhood. "No problem, you're my friend and I want to help you."

Reiner's face turns solemn again but before he can speak his mind a soldier comes up to their table.

"Reiner Braun, Commander Magath has sent for you."

"Right now? Is it urgent?"

"He said to come right away."

Reiner offers an apologetic glance before standing and hurrying to follow the young soldier, leaving her alone.

She couldn't put her finger on it, but she had a bad feeling about all of this.

[bokutosmochi]

THE BIRTHDAY KITTEN ♡ BOKUTO KOTARO

bokuto kotaro x catgirl!reader

ingredients? when bokuto adopted you from the neatest shelter, you were one of the oldest kitties there -- all the hybrids you grew up with adopted by owners of their own years before the owlish ace came into the picture. of course this meant you didn't have the most real life experiences.

what's it? smut

allergen warning/s? reader’s a lil dumb, past allusions to parental abuse, neglect, mentions of feelings of depression, losing a pet, fingernail picking, ahegao face, fingering, oral!fem receiving, praise kink, cum eating, daddy kink, choking, multiple orgasms, swearing, praise kink, and mentions of breeding kink towards the end -- super light

sugar level? 4.5k

regulars? @hanayanetwork​

parlor's note? this is my first time (and probably not last time because this is fun!) writing for a hybrid so please as always, feel free to give feedback cause i think this could be better but for now, i have channeled all hornee energy into this, what can i say?

written for @fuwushiguro's hybrids collab! you can find the masterlist over here!

bon appetit!

you were lucky that bokuto adopted you that day a year before, lucky that bokuto found himself getting lonely whenever volleyball season was over, lucky that you finally got yourself a home where you were loved and cherished.

you were lucky for a lot of things, most of them revolving around bokuto kotaro. the man sleeping next to you right now, allowing himself to sleep in for a few hours since this year's volleyball season was officially over. there wouldn't be as many practice sessions and perhaps a few years ago, he would have frowned at that, but not anymore. not now that he has you.

you pawed at your face when you first woke up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes only to notice that your boyfriend was still asleep. while you're glad he's able to get some well-deserved rest, a part of you is disappointed because all you wanted to do is to talk to him and kiss him all over, cuddle into his neck until you were nothing but mere atoms floating around in the endless space of the universe.

as if he could feel your stare on his face, his hand around your waist tightened, pulling you further against him, making you silently purr in contentment, snuggling into his warm chest that radiated nothing short of warmth and comfort. after all, even though you've been rescued from the abusive household you were brought up in after the neighbors called the police on the people you shared the house with, it's not like the shelter was the best.

sure, while the workers and volunteers who worked the shift there didn't pull on your sensitive ears or your tail when you made a mistake, and while sure, they didn't put a collar around your neck and tied you to the lamppost outside your house in the pouring rain all because you arrived five minutes past curfew when you were playing with your friends, you were still neglected there, never given anything that wasn't a strict need. sometimes you'd get a visitor, someone who was looking to adopt you. they'd scratch the lovely spot behind your ears and shower you in compliments, but at the end of the day, they never came back for you, opting for another hybrid at the rescue, or realizing that maybe, this was not the life for them so at some point, you just stopped getting excited for them. the curious look you shot them when they took a peek of you was gone, replaced by you looking at them, then going back to what you were doing prior to that. you rubbing yourself on their leg when they set you down on the floor became you just sitting there, listening to them talk to the workers about potentially adopting you. all the friends you made at the shelter were gone, adopted by owners who promised you that you were the one while dangling the feather toy in front of you. you never really bothered making any new friends after your best friend was adopted, learning that everyone would just come and go, leaving you behind.

slowly but surely, the hope inside of you was running out.

that was until bokuto came around.

you remembered that day like it was yesterday. it was in the summer, the month of may. the finals of the last volleyball tournament of the year was a month ago and without the practices that lasted all day, the loneliness hit bokuto like a brick. it was sweltering hot, you could feel the pin pricks on the back of your neck, on your back and it was just around the time when the owners of the shelter would bring you out to the grooming room and cut the soft fur around your ears and tail and trim your pretty hair for your convenience so they were the people you expected when you were napping on top of your favorite blanket -- you usually liked to cover yourself with it and snuggle into it, but the heat was proving to be too much.

that wasn't the case for this particular summer. instead, you heard the voice of the twenty year old volunteer who's been doing volunteer work there since she was sixteen calling your name in a soft whisper, unsure whether you were asleep or not because your back was turned to her. you sat up and turned around, only to be met by a man you've never seen before. he had spiky black and silver hair and was wearing a large grin on his face, his eyes sparkling as he stared at you in awe?

was it awe?

you weren't sure, but that's the only way you could describe it.

"c'mere," she hummed, motioning for you to come towards the opening of the cage as she did so.

of course you did, already knowing the drill.

you stood at full height in front of the strange man and if you didn't feel so hopeless and depressed, you probably would have returned his excited smile, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. you simply stared at him blankly before the girl, cassie told the both of you to come follow her to the interviewing room.

the way bokuto answered was a bit unusual, but a good unusual. you've seen children excited to get a pet before, and you've seen teenagers who just got ready to devote themselves to another pet after losing their previous one a few years ago, but even though there was no denying the fact that they were excited and happy, their energy did not even begin to compare with bokuto's. his voice was fast and loud. cassie asked him to repeat himself several times during the interview, something you've never seen her do, all because his words that were uttered too fast sewn into one unintelligible mess of phrases and much to your discontent, you actually felt a pang of hope bloom in your chest. and as always, bokuto didn't let you down.

sadly, the shelter didn't let you leave that easily. the professional volleyball player had to leave you there for a few days while some of the staff scheduled a day to check out bokuto's house to see if it was appropriate for you, if he would be able to accommodate you properly. you sat in the backseat of the car while they did that and from where you were, you could see the - sloppy - handmade banner that was strewn on the doorway of the bokuto household reading welcome to your new home [y/n]!! and you felt yourself smile genuinely after god knows how long. you prayed to any and every deity out there that bokuto passes the "test" and you'd be allowed to live with him.

he did, and with flying colors too.

and as they say it, the rest is history.

bokuto flashes that same grin you fell in love with a year ago and kisses the tip of your nose, nuzzling his face to your neck, breathing in your scent and sighing contentedly. "g' morning, kitty."

"good morning, bo."

before you could thread your fingers through his soft locks, his head pops out from its position in the crook of your neck. the familiar grin is there and you found yourself wondering how a person could have so much energy when they first woke up in the morning.

he didn't leave you with much time to guess. "it's your birthday isn't it??"

birthday?

the word passes through your lips once, then twice when you finally gather your thoughts. since the shelter you were at didn't celebrate birthdays, you didn't know anything about it. you didn't even know when yours was, if you even had one. you knew everyone was born, obviously, but you didn't really know that everyone's was special as all of yours were treated like just another day. your knowledge about birthdays was limited to the first and only one you attended: bokuto's. the one he celebrated the year he got you. you didn't really remember it to be too pleasant. too much noise and chatter. bokuto left you alone for the majority of the party held at your shared house as he was passed from one person to another, from his sisters, to his friend back in high school, to a man with very tall, black, spiky hair, and to his very rowdy teammate who you've learned was named hinata.

the only thing that left you was a simple oh making bokuto raise his eyebrows at you and leap off of the bed. "c'mon, kitty. y' should be more excited! you get gifts and a cake, and you get to blow candles." he continued to gush. it only fueled your confusion and you found yourself tilting your head at him.

he finally finds himself uncharacteristically silent as he looks back at you, head tilted to the side like an owl, "have you never celebrated your birthday before?"

you look down and start to pick on the edge of your fingernails, unable to make eye contact with him. "i-i didn't even know i had a birthday or that i was one of the people who could celebrate it."

he kneels down before you, forcing you to look him in the eye and the emotion in those golden orbs of his makes you want to cry and bury yourself -- pity and sadness. "honey, everyone can celebrate their birthday."

this time, you made a conscious effort to not let your surprise show, but bokuto knew all of your tells. he knew you were surprised, and he also knew how you felt anxious at the thought of it all, afraid and confused at the change because your whole life may have just been flipped upside down. so instead of making you feel like he felt bad for you, he rose and put his hands on his waist. "don't you worry, kitty. we'll celebrate your birthday today and we'll make it the best day ever!" he announced with a pump of his fists to the skies above, hooting.

much like always, his enthusiasm had an effect on you. you returned his smile and set yourself on your feet as well, your tail swishing around in excitement. "well, what are we supposed to do?"

with a glint in his eye, he turned to you, "anything you want to, kitty! go on a shopping spree, go and get the fur around your ears and tail trimmed, cuddle all day, anything!"

you looked down to think about this thoroughly before you gave bokuto an answer, but he wasn't having any of it. "hun, you don't have to take it so seriously, okay? we can do whatever your pretty heart desires!" he beamed, placing a hand on your shoulder and stunning you with a flawless smile, making you do the same and slowly nod. "well, i have been missing you since you've been gone for so long, can we just cuddle and we can build one of those.." you trailed off as you did not know what they were called, simply using your arms to gesture -- not that the vague gestures actually helped your boyfriend.

"those things make of pillows and blankets and you can lay inside it and stuf-"

"pillow forts!"

"yeah! we can build a pillow fort and watch a movie and eat whatever we want and cuddle!" you exclaimed at him and bokuto felt his heart grow three times at your excitement. the way your eyes glimmered was his favorite sight, your scent his favorite smell, the feel of your skin under his palms his favorite feeling, the cherry chapstick on your lips his favorite taste, and your pretty purrs of contentment his favorite sound in the world.

he wraps an arm around you and pulls you close to him, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. "sounds like a plan."

bokuto ended up calling the supermarket closest to your house and asked them to deliver all your favorite snacks. sure, the extra service may have upped the price a few yen, but it was nothing he wasn't able to give for his best girl -- his birthday girl. while waiting for it to arrive, you guys started on the pillow fort, building it a feet in front of the huge tv he had. you gathered all the pillows and blankets in your house, and he gathered the chairs needed. together, you laid out the futon, piled on the blankets and fluffed up the pillows, adding some of your most beloved stuffed toys too for some company, and before you knew it, it was done and there was a person knocking on the door -- the supermarket worker with the food.

bokuto set it all up in front of the two of you when you were choosing the movie.

it was quick and a few seconds later, you were already nestled in bokuto's arms, nuzzling the side of your face against his chest and mewling while reaching for a snack.

the movie you chose, you couldn't exactly say it was your favorite because you haven't actually watched it yet. you've only heard some stuff about it online - every review left by professionals and amateurs alike were positive - and you've seen the trailer. from those two things, you most clearly did not know there was going to be an intimate scene in the movie -- one that dragged on for a very long time, to make it even worse.

you felt uncomfortable, not because of the nature of what was happening on screen - both people being bare, the woman being held in the man's arms and having kisses laid on her, from the back of her ear, all the way down to the base of her neck - but rather, because of the aching feeling in your legs you've never felt before. you had no idea what to do so you just trusted your instincts, unconsciously rubbing your thighs together and whining around the grape-flavored lollipop in your mouth.

bokuto was quick to take notice of this and even quicker to take charge of the situation upon seeing your obvious distress. "hey kitten, what's wrong." he rubbed your back, a worried look on his handsome face as he searched yours for a sign, any sign of what might be bothering you as he had no idea himself.

"ah! my, my cunny, bo! i don't, i dunno!" you gasped out.

his owlish eyes widened a tad bit more at your words and he genuinely had no idea what to do. were you hurting? did an ant manage to bite you down there? were you experiencing a heat? as far as he knew from the research he had done, hybrids like you should not be experiencing heats. were you just aroused? but surely, you would already know that feeling, shouldn't you? then again, bokuto couldn't be sure, after all, you were completely oblivious to the fact that everyone could have a birthday party.

"what'd you want me to do, kitty? does it hurt? can i touch you?"

"god, yes! yes please!" you mewled out, grabbing his wrist and dragging it further down your body. he was positive you had no idea what was happening, but leaving you in this condition you are currently in looked like the worse option between the two, so when his fingers snaked under the waistband of your shorts and panties and managed to run circles on your clit making you moan and throw your head back, he couldn't help the relief that flooded his system. "there you go, kitty. there you go," he hummed, his other hand reaching up to pet your hair and scratch the spot behind your ear that he knew was your weakness. you were powerless against the motions of his hands and soon, your tongue was sticking out of your mouth and you became cross-eyed.

the movie was long forgotten. the only thing you could focus on was the feeling of his hands on you, and the only thing he could focus on was how you reacted to every little thing he did -- he wanted to memorize all your favorite things and bury it into his memory.

when you reached your climax, squirting all over his large hand and the mattress under you, his sweatpants felt just a bit too tight and he knew there was no chance he wasn't taking you right then and there, mostly because of how you were practically begging him to rearrange your insides and ruin your precious cunt.

he rolled you over to your back and got on top of you, leaning down to capture your bottom lip between his teeth and pull it back, only to delve back into you again. "you taste so good, kitty!! can't wait to have more." his hands gripped your top and pulled it off of you in one swift motion, expertly avoiding your ears before kissing you again. while his mouth was busy with yours, his fingers traveled down to your bottoms. the way they grazed your exposed flesh had goosebumps raising on your skin and if you weren't aroused before then you definitely were now.

bokuto was all too aware of that, smiling at the feeling of you rubbing your tits against him, perky nipples on his chest. "feeling good, kitty?"

and you were powerless to do anything but nod. "more! n-need more!"

if bokuto was being honest with himself, he wanted to tease you some more, but with the way you were whining for his touch, his instincts warned him against it so he was quick to slip two fingers into your cunt, the wetness that gathered on your pussy making the slide easy and painless. if anything, it was the most pleasurable feeling you've felt in your entire life. it made your toes curl and grab onto his arm for dear life. "bo!"

when the sounds you made traveled through his ear canal and into his brain, it was almost like he went feral. he ripped your shorts off of your figure along with your panties and shoved his face onto you, trying to shove the wet muscle of his tongue as deep as it can go inside your cunt and lapping at the juices spilling from you.

you could do nothing but bury your hands through his hair and throw your head back in ecstasy as bokuto ate you out like he was a starved man and you were a five star buffet.

and while all of this was going on, the television was still playing in the background, though it was long forgotten by the both of you. bokuto was too focused on the addicting taste of you on his tongue and making you feel good, make you moan more of those pretty noises he's become addicted to.

the coil in your abdomen tightens and tightens, the more time bokuto spends in between your legs -- it's the only thing your mind can focus on. and the moment he presses his nose against your clit, you were done for, screaming so loudly the neighbors could probably hear - bokuto hopes they don't call the police because he really doesn't want anything to interrupt this moment - and tugging on his locks so roughly it sends a wave of searing pain through him -- he cannot get himself to care though, muttering "that's it", "good girl, that's a good kitty", and "come on my tongue" the whole time you were on your high. he knew that he should probably give you some time to calm down, process everything that just happened, every new emotion that courses through your veins, but he was unable to do so, instead lapping his tongue at your entrance the whole time and having one of his hands reach out and play with your tits through your flimsy t-shirt, begging for his attention.

once bokuto was done and you were starting to try and even out your breaths, he crashed his lips onto yours, nipping at your bottom lip and sucking on it harshly -- a new sensation for you, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. there was something about everything that set your senses ablaze -- maybe it was the taste of you being transferred from your cunt, to bokuto's tongue, to your mouth, something about the sinfulness of it, or maybe it was the way bokuto's passion in kissing made your head spin, or maybe it was the feeling of bokuto's large, calloused hands roaming all over your body. truthfully, you cannot put your finger on it, even if you tried.

slowly, slowly, bokuto peeled your t-shirt off as well as the remainders of his clothes leaving you skin-to-skin with nothing in between you but the drops of perspiration going down your bodies.

his head went up from the junction between your neck and your shoulder where he was previously sucking deep purple hickies into, "you really wanna do this, baby?" his breath was hot on you and it did little to nothing to stop the wetness gathering between your legs, soaking the bed and your tail which whipped around and subconsciously started to caress bokuto's bare back. "mhmm, 'm sure, daddy. wanna try everything with you."

you didn't even process the words that have left your mouth when his eyes widened. the fact that you didn't know why that happened made you feel a bit anxious at first, but it quickly subsided when you saw the familiar glow and excitement shine in his golden eyes. "daddy? you want to be my baby girl? you sure??" and you can't help but to let out a hearty laugh and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down with you. "a hundred percent sure. you'd take good care of me, would you?" you instinctively mewled and rubbed the side of your head against his chest which unbeknownst to you, was exploding with happiness. "you bet! and right now, you're my pretty girl. my pretty birthday girl," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of your nose before your lips.

when he slid his tongue against your bottom lip, you tried to tease him a bit and didn't let it slide into your mouth, but bokuto was having none of it. suddenly, you felt his finger on your clit, rubbing small, tight circles onto it making you gasp -- of course he took that as his chance to have his tongue meld with yours and steal your breath away while you were at it.

you kept on bucking your hips up to meet his finger, yet soon enough, it seemed like you needed something else. "daddy, need your cock. please," you whined at him, wrapping your legs around his waist and rubbing your throbbing cunt by his pelvis only for him to chuckle at you. "you're probably wet enough, right?" his head tilted to the side a bit before simply shrugging to himself. "tell me if it hurts, okay kitty?" he waited for you to nod and then slid his cock into your pussy.

and god. bokuto thought, breathing out a shaky breath from his mouth, eyes clenched so tight that it hurts the tiniest bit. sliding in is the easy part. not cumming too soon is the hard part. not that he would ever tell anyone that. even if he did though, it's not like anyone could ever blame him.

it's so tight and warm and bokuto swears he can stay there forever and not get sick of it. it grips and hugs his cock like a glove, like it was made for his cock and his cock specifically.

"this fucking kitty cunt," he hisses out making you look up at him in concern -- thankfully for you, you were wet enough for it to not hurt a single bit. it was only a bit uncomfortable at first, but you quickly got used to it. that didn't mean you didn't enjoy it anymore though, cause you definitely love the feeling of bokuto inside you. it's most certainly the closest you've been to each other and you're obsessed with every single aspect of it. you just hoped bokuto felt the same as you did. "do you not like it, daddy?"

"fucking love it, kitty." he groaned out, thrusting in and out of your pussy at such a fast pace, almost as if he couldn't control himself. "can i pull on your collar, please, pretty? 'y can tell me if it's too much," he whined out making you nod. you didn't quite know what to expect, but you trusted bokuto -- the same bokuto who wasted no time before grabbing the pink leather collar wrapped around your neck that's decorated with fine white lace and pulling it back harshly. the sensation of air getting pushed out of your lungs was an unexpected one, but a welcome one nonetheless. it made your eyes roll to the back of your head and tongue loll out of your mouth. "there we go kitty, there we go." bokuto couldn't stop the words tumbling from his mouth nor the way his fingers instinctively traveled downwards to your aching clit, swollen and longing to be touched by  bokuto's skilled fingers.

and just like that, you came right on his digits and cock. saliva was starting to accumulate under your face, but you didn't even notice it anymore, too lost in the feeling of pure nirvana.

"good fucking girl, good fucking girl. take daddy's cock just like that- yeah, yeah."

you've come up to the conclusion that bokuto's loudness and talkativeness didn't halt when he's in bed. in fact, it seemingly increases when he's about to cum like he is now -- the feeling of your clenching pussy proving to be too much for the professional volleyball player as he found himself unable to do anything but spill his seed inside and breed you -- thrusting his hips flush against yours all the way throughout his high.

"didja enjoy your birthday, kitty?"

i get: reblog

you get: a cat toy

do we have a deal?

[chaifootsteps]

Since we are talking about Rebecca Sugar, Steven Universe Future means so much to me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from childhood physical abuse and the depiction of PTSD in Future is spot on. I just remember how my mental health took a sudden nosedive at 20 years old after i started university. I went from a 3.8 GPA and being in performing arts and competitive sports to failing out in two semesters. It happened SUDDENLY. I felt like I couldn't hold anything together and the harder I tried, it just slipped through my hands like beach sand. I developed an eating disorder trying to reclaim some type of control. It wasn't until after I was doing well that I couldn't keep it together.

And the thing is, I was fucking awful. The mood swings, the aggression. It was like I was a different person and I just wanted to go back to being me. I went from being so adverse to accidentally hurting someone in Tae Kwon Do that I pulled all my kicks to becoming enraged and I accidentally dislocated someone's knee. PTSD turns you into a mean person. And especially for masc individuals, depression also presents as anger or hostile aggression.

It was so well done, even if it wasn't perfect as a story. The part that needed to be right was done right, and I hate these armchair psychiatrists on YouTube and places trying to call Future unrealistic for the delay in his symptoms, or to call the representation of the condition as bad. It was done right and well. Rebecca Sugar is one of the most empathetic people and I can agree with that by how she handled Future alone.

Agreed, Anon. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was a beautiful, compassionate story, and I'm glad we got it.

[gayerthanevertbh]

conversation with your demons - part two.

pairing | step-mom!natasha x fem!reader (romantic)

summary | you began to notice that your stepmother looks at you in a way that a lover would. though, you try to dismiss it. but you also began to like the idea of it.

warnings | DARK THEMES INVOLVED! voyeurism (non-con), slight touching, masturbation, mentions of depression, natasha just being unhinged in this part. (let me know if there’s more to add.) 18+!

notes | i loved writing this part, i had so many thoughts of words and i just AHHH i hope you enjoy this one! commenting your thoughts and all that would be greatly appreciated, mwah! <3

series masterlist | masterlist | taglist for this series

A few days after the graduation party, I was back in my room with nothing much to do other than reading and watching a few old films with a DVD set. I got tired of watching the same shows repeatedly and watched the movies that Wanda recommended to me which was good. I haven’t checked up on Natasha, but she would leave a tray of food on the ground that was in front of my door. I would take it, eat it a little, and then put a sticky note on the tray that says: thank you. I don’t know if she threw those away, probably after acting like a brat a few days ago. So, I never let that stick in me.

I came out of my cave – finally – and walked to the kitchen to see Natasha preparing for dinner, humming a song that I couldn’t understand. Natasha always had a beautiful voice, I would sometimes listen to her singing whenever I was in the living room or just near her. Although now that I think about it, does she know I listen to her sing? Hope not.

She almost turned into a startling matter and smiled kindly at me, “Hey. You got out.”

I nodded, trying to smile meekly. Responding with a tight lip smile: “Yeah. At some point, I have to.”

Natasha places the pot down on the countertop and turns away, making me look down at the ground. She speaks up, “That’s good. I’m glad you’re here to eat dinner with me, Y/N. If I’m going, to be honest, I’ve been feeling lonely and I just need some company sometimes.”

I do feel bad that I wasn’t there for Natasha when she needed it the most. We made a pact – sort of – that we will be friends but in a parenting way. Well, for her at least. I always saw her as an older friend and she saw me as this younger friend. It was funny to even think about it since she’s my step-mom. But now that mom is gone, I don’t know what else to think of her. A guardian? A friend? Maybe she’s still my friend.

I sighed as I played with my fingertips, pulling the skin slowly – not wanting to hurt myself. I whispered softly, “I’m sorry, Nat. I should’ve been there for you when you needed it.”

Her voice altered into this bright and cooler tone as she turned to me, smiling that was almost a grin but her teeth weren’t showing. She nods, gets closer to me and touches my arm, and squeezes it – as a sign of something that I can’t seem to understand. I gulped as I felt her warm hand against my skin that it was firing down my body. It felt… different. Maybe it was just me considering I haven’t had a physical touch in such a long time.

“It’s okay,” she says, but more like a whisper and her voice was huskier than before. She squeezes my arm again, but very gently – like it was as if she was afraid to hurt me. I looked at the side of my arm and began to think why was she holding me like this. It all felt weird yet so awkwardly comfortable. I looked back at her and she added, “Now come eat dinner with me.”

I waited for her while she was changing since she has been working in the house all day. It makes my stomach churn into this frenzy that I wasn’t there to help her – the guilt trip becomes overbearing for me as I try to think of something else to help me ease the stress that is punching in my head. I should’ve been there for her, I should’ve helped. But, I succumbed to this emotion that I still can’t tell whether I was sad or not. I was about to eat when I noticed Natasha coming back with a tight black tank top that defined her breasts quite noticeably. She flexes her arms as I see the trail of lines that were in it as she grabs the red bottle of wine that was in the beverage drawer. She sits beside me and smiles, pouring herself a glass of wine and drinking it – but usually, she would smell it. Instead, she just dunks it all inside her mouth; making me snort a laugh quietly.

“I hope you like my pelmeni. It took me a while to make the whole food right.”

I nodded at her and took a forkful of the cooked dough inside of my mouth and almost let out a strangled moan once I tasted the wonders that were inside that dough. I munched on it, smiling with a snicker, and looked at her with my mouth still chewing.

“Are you kidding? It’s so good!” I muffled while taking another dough inside my mouth, closing my eyes with an exaggeration. Although, it still was really good – I hope she knows that. Natasha smiles down at me and looks away, forking the dough and putting it inside her mouth.

“Thank you, printsessa.”

We remained silent for a few minutes, enjoying the food that we were presentably eating. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Natasha’s other hand that was on the table is nearing me. Like as if she wants her hand to be holding mine. Why does she want to hold it? I know she does it by the way she’s inching herself closer to my hand – which is kind of skeptical if you think about it – but I just shrug silently and continued chewing on my food, which by the way was almost finished.

Natasha and I never really spoke about my mother’s death, maybe there was one time we did. It was always: I’m here if you need anything and that’s that. Although, I have never heard her grieving for my mom, or even just recognizing that my mom is in fact – deceased. I was skeptical – notice how I said that again – but I tried my best not to get in right through me. Sometimes, most often not going to lie, I go overboard with my thoughts that most of it isn’t even true. So, maybe my thoughts about Natasha weren’t true. Maybe she just kept it to herself – just like me.

But her actions and words don’t mend with it.

“You know you don’t have to go to college,” Natasha says with an encouraging tone. But then, changed quickly when she realized how stupid she sounded. She shakes her head, letting out a small nervous laugh. “I mean–Of course, you can. I just don’t want you to feel pressured that’s all. I want you to be at your most comfortable Y/N. So if you need a longer break, you deserve it.”

As long as you don’t date people.

It was sweet and rather kind to hear that from Natasha, letting me know that there was nothing to be pressured about. My lips remain pursed and silent, not sure if I should reply to that statement she made. I deeply thought about going to college, suddenly feeling that maybe I should skip a year to remain healthy and stay mentally hydrated or something. She will understand.

“Can I take a year off?” I asked, sounding so small but so good to hear. Natasha nods at me, smiling in fact. But, it wasn’t a gigantic smile. It was a normal smile, elegant even.

“Of course, Y/N.”

“Do you think Wanda will make fun of me for it?”

Her face softens even more and holds my cheek with her right hand, pulling me to look at her as we made eye contact. She stared down at me with her bright green eyes that suddenly darkened with how deep she looked at me. I could feel the way her thumb caresses my cheek in such an electric way that I could feel my lower stomach twisting into knots. This wasn’t just a normal touch, it was something else.

“No one will,” she says, feigned with a slight annoyance. But, hoping that it wasn’t targeting me. She sighs. “You’re going through a lot. I understand you and I’m sure Wanda will, kotenok.”

That nickname again! I shook my head that I could feel her hand slipping away from my cheek as it burned up my skin, waiting for her to touch it again. But, I thought about that very inappropriately and continued to eat my food. In fact, I jabbed my fork onto the dough and ate the last one. It was a little awkward, especially when she was holding me as if I was her lover. I wasn’t, I was her stepdaughter – whether I liked it or not. Which was, in fact, unlikable considering she’s now my mother. Yet again, we never saw each other that way and I continue to think like that.

“Have I made you uncomfortable?” Natasha asked with worry. I shook my head at her and stood up briefly, straightening my loose shirt, and walked near the stairs. She added, walking toward me: “Wait, please come back. I have to ask you something.”

I turned to her with my usual smile that’s always on my face whenever I’m faced with Natasha. I raised my eyebrows and said slowly, “Yeah? What’s wrong?”

She took a deep breath and let out an exhale that was sort of dragged. Then, within fifteen seconds, she timidly asked: “I know how much you hate sleeping alone. Do you remember when I got you a bear on your sixteenth birthday?”

I nodded, almost smiling at the memory when Natasha gave me a small brown bear that I called: bear. Eventually, I started calling Natasha that name since she bought me a stuffed toy like that. In fact, she even mentioned that she loved it whenever I called her that.

“Do you want to sleep beside me later? You’ve been whimpering in your sleep… I hear you most nights.”

There were so many questions inside my head when she asked me that. Firstly, would it be weird to sleep in the same bed as your stepmother? And secondly, I felt embarrassed that she had to hear me making noises at night. And foremost, did I ever talk in my sleep? I should download that app that Wanda was telling me to.

“Natasha, I don’t think–”

“We can put a pillow between us,” she suggested. Her voice with a sound of hope and want – I even began to think she wasn’t helping me, maybe this was an excuse to sleep beside me. Though, it wasn’t something Natasha would think, though. It was an absurd thought. “If you want to that’s all.”

“I think I would like that,” I tell her, giving her a small smile. Natasha’s face brightens once I answered her and began to step away from me – her hands rooting in her back pocket. I added quickly, “Thank you, Nat. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“So am I.”

I was in my white camisole top along with black shorts that hung around my butt. I knocked on her door softly before I could hear her saying: come in! I held onto the doorknob as if it was my life support and took a deep breath. This was going to be a normal night and a normal thing to happen. It wasn’t like we were going to do anything, right? That thought swerved around my head relentlessly until I could feel a thump on my temple. I opened the door and saw her in the same outfit she was wearing when we had dinner. Although, her hair was down and I could see her blonde locks at the edge of her red hair. She looks up at me and smiles, setting aside her book on the bedside table and patting a hand on the bed – inviting me in.

“Come here.”

My body made its way to the bed and I got comfortable immediately with how soft the mattress was. I forgot the feeling of being in this bed ever since mom died, it almost felt too scary at some point. But, I lay on the bed and tuck myself in the blanket – my head resting against the feathery pillows. She grabbed a pillow and was about to put it on our side until I quickly said:

“No, it’s okay. I mean… we don’t need it anyway.”

She looks up hesitantly and whispers and asked gently, “Are you sure?”

I nodded – frantically – answering with the same voice she had.

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

Natasha gave me a certain nod and I nodded back, turning on the side and putting my head behind my head. It felt cold but inviting at the same time, and I noticed that the room had changed after my mom’s death. The table that she always uses was gone and was replaced by a newer one and it looked a little longer and broader. When I looked around more, there was a tall rectangular shaped painting that was hanging beside the walk-in closet door. And the bed itself was not silky but the sheets were very soft. I liked how the room smelled and it didn’t smell like mom, it was more of Natasha’s smell and I loved it.

Once the lights were off, we fell into this enduring silence. I felt her body shuffling in the bed and I felt stiff because of it. I began to think that it was a bad idea to sleep in the same room as her, I didn’t know how to act or even think properly. I shouldn’t probably move too much, it might annoy her.

“You won’t disturb me while you’re moving,” Natasha says with a deeper voice. Does she sound like that when she’s about to sleep? No, she always sounds like that – I’m not that surprised. Then, she chuckles through the silence. “I promise. Okay?”

With the power I have left, I yawned and whispered near her: “Okay, bear. Thank you.”

I was surprised that I called her that nickname that died a few years ago. Usually, I’ll only call her if I want something so bad or whenever I’m in a comfortable area with her. Natasha wouldn’t care a lot about it – in fact, she encourages the name as she finds it adorable in a way that it makes her blush. I could hear a fainted sigh – frightened it might be an annoyed one – but quickly faded away when I heard her gentle voice say:

“Goodnight, bunny.”

                                                   —

The tension went on for days. Whenever I was minding my own business – like reading a book on the patio or eating a cookie dough that I made that was in the fridge – her presence would be there but from afar. I pretend not to notice it, as I find it weird if she catches me that I caught her staring, but it didn’t make me uncomfortable. Or maybe, I was being nice about this. But, sometimes I do feel a little frightened because I don’t know what her tensions are and I do not want to ask what it is. I have this slight fantasy that she touches my hips with her fingers that were trailing against my naked skin as I feel her lips–

“We should put more sugar into this batter.”

Damn it. I shouldn’t even think like that, it’s forbidden like how Eve ate the apple from the tree and was abolished from the most beautiful garden with her weird husband.

I had to gather my thoughts and shake my head, sighing rather with a grumbling sound, and pinch my nose bridge as I felt a headache coming through. I nodded toward Wanda, replying quickly: “You think so? I mean, this Crème brûlée is perfect.”

“It tastes weird,” Wanda speaks up with annoyance that erupts from her tone. She dips her finger on the batter and I swatted it, making her let out a hissing sound, and wrapped her hand around her finger. “Ow! What the fuck–”

“You literally dipped your finger a minute ago,” I said, rolling my eyes and grabbing the bowl away from her – making Wanda a fake pout that I clearly don’t even want to see; in a joking matter. “Grab the sugar and caramelized it.”

With so much distraction I had, Natasha was staring at me in such a condemning way that I had to look up and catch her eyes that were glued to me. She then notices my act and looks away – pretending she wasn’t just staring a few seconds ago and left like a dash. Was she upset? Did I crowd the kitchen too much? Wanda bumped her shoulder against mine and whispered close to my face.

“She was staring at you.”

I shrugged but could feel my body trembling as I beat the batter with a whisk.

“I think we’re making a mess,” I stated loudly. “Maybe that’s why she was staring.”

I continued to whisk the batter without even looking straight into my friend’s eyes, who is hoping for me to look at her with an answer. I quickly poured the batter into a white circular bowl and placed it on the tray that was inside the oven. Wanda notices my sudden actions change, thinking I was moving too harshly or the way I replied was too quick. She began to calculate what the situation was until it hit her that it made her stomach hurt.

“I think Natasha has a crush on you.”

I chuckled. I chuckled so hard that it could be heard from another room. My forehead began to sweat with her theory, my body starts to heat up with the sudden imagination of Natasha having an actual crush on me. It was a weird thought, and I quickly dismissed her when I closed the oven that made a loud bang! Sound.

“This isn’t first elementary school anymore, Wanda.” I said, turning to her so I can look her straight in the eye – even though my body was shaking, not in an obvious way. My voice changed too.

“But the way she looks at you is something else,” Wanda responded with a sudden drop of worry and took a step near me – her mouth close to my face. She took a deep breath and added, “Do you think a stepmother would stare at you like that?”

“Unless she was pissed off–”

“That wasn’t a look of pissed off, Y/N.” Wanda responded with a slight irritation that feigned in her tone. She crossed her arms, making me look small, and said, “She has a thing for you.”

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for that to happen.”

She quirks an eyebrow as if she was in disbelief. This is true though, it was inappropriate to be with a stepmother that was in a relationship with your biological parent. She blabbers, “Uh, I think it’s quite alright. Yeah? I mean, she’s really pretty and super sexy. And she’s kind and so loving, and you guys–”

“No, Wanda,” I cut her off, turned away, and pulled the faucet lever to wash my hands. “It’s not going to happen. I’m sure Natasha doesn’t see me that way, it’ll be too scandalous.”

Where to begin to start in that relationship? There were no similarities between us nor the fact that Natasha would ever be interested in me at some point. It will certainly be too scandalous and repulsive to the thought of even kissing her or being touched by her. It wasn’t like I was an anti of it, but because we are in this circumstance where my mother had died while still being married to Natasha. No, it cannot happen.

This is such a weird conversation.

“Alright,” Wanda sighs loudly and scratches at her nape. “Sorry if I may have offended you.”

                                                       —

“We should go to France,” I said in a bubbly voice, flopping against the dark itchy couch that was inside Natasha’s office. I laid against the headrest and threw my arms back, yawning. “I mean, just for fun. We could like… just be there for a while and forget every shit we’re going through.”

Something changed inside of me after that talk between me and Wanda. I was bolder and more reachable in a way that Natasha was merely surprised by my sudden change of actions. Though, she has said that she liked it and wanted me to keep it up. She looked up at me and smiled at the thought. Us lived in a rental beach home with the sea in front of us that looked so inviting. She could imagine it perfectly well.

“I think that’s a nice idea,” she responded, dropping her book against the table and dialing her phone, which made me a bit curious. I asked:

“Who are you calling?”

“Someone I know who lives by the sea.”

It didn’t take a minute for the person to pick up and I could hear Natasha saying: “Hey, Steve. How’re you doing?”

“Hey, Nat! I’m doing good, yeah everything’s well here. How about you? I know everything’s hard–”

“Please don’t pull that shit, Rogers,” Natasha stated, erupting in an irritating tone that made Steve gulp in such insensitivity that he had brought on the phone. Natasha leans against the office chair while mindlessly staring at me. She noticed that the hem of my shirt was almost on my ribs, the half of my stomach showing with such attention. She could feel her throat tighten, her core starting to beat relentlessly as it heats up with so many imaginations – inappropriate ones – inside her head.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned that. What brought you to call me?”

Natasha’s fingertips were on the button of her pants, silently playing with it and debating if she should touch herself while she was very close to me – she could be caught. She sighs, almost too heavily, and didn’t have a choice but to unbutton it slowly and very quietly; afraid enough to make a sound that would alert me. She sighs through the phone when she could feel how wet she was from the sight of my stomach. How much imagination she has that her lips are all over my belly button, kissing and biting it with a desperation that was roaring out of her. She slipped her hands into her underwear and tried her best to stifle the moan.

“Um,” Natasha gulps, her eyes finally hooded as she plays with herself while looking at my stomach which was almost shown by how high up my top was. “Me and Y/N are wondering if we could–Ugh–Stay there for two weeks. If you’re there with Sam and Bucky, that’s alright.”

“Yeah! I’m so glad you asked, this house gets pretty lonely these days. Maria will take a visit as well as Peter with her girlfriend. I don’t know how the kid was brought up, but apparently Stark is coming so yes it’s available for the both of you.”

“That’s good,” Natasha was close. She starts to rub her cunt at a slightly faster pace with two of her fingers that were on her folds, occasionally bringing it up to her clit where it really hits the spot. My eyes were closed from this moment and they were covered by my arm that was slung around my head. I start to heave my chest, feeling the warmness around the room but I was too lazy enough to ask Natasha. This was an advantage for the older woman who whispered on the phone, “I’ll call you back. We’ll be there soon.”

When she hung up, Natasha did her best to be quiet and continued to play with herself. Her mouth was hung open – slightly – and stared right into my bare stomach. She noticed as well that the ribbon of my panties was a little-seen, and my shorts were kind of loose because of it. Natasha rolls her eyes back and sighs quietly – her fingers relentlessly rubbing against her clit. She mutters in a quiet voice, “Fuck.” and spreads her fingers around her folds, bringing the wetness to her clit, and flicks it rapidly.

With the thought of her fucking me with her strap-on that was above average and my mouth was clung on her core, eating her out like a hungry animal – she came silently, too silently. She shuts her eyes tight, letting out a deeply strangled moan as her pussy beats with so much adrenaline from her drawn orgasm. Natasha knew very well how wrong this was, but at that moment; she didn’t care. All she knows now is that she needed my pussy badly. She wished that somehow I was a pure virgin that wants to have preyed. Her wild thoughts began to hallucinate her and finally, her orgasm died.

This was so wrong on so many levels, but Natasha admits that she has a thing for me. And to her, it was like speaking through your demons.

taglist: @sayah13 @lizzieolsen89 @marvelwomen-simp @when-wolves-howl @cmfouatslota77 @riles-is-an-idiot @ygtft-chen @aru-son @karmasgxrl  @natszn @d14n4ol​ @hitthatsnappy @natasharomanoffswifeyyy​ @simpforolderwomen​ @fluffypanda1603 @whore4nat​ (i’m sorry i can’t tag any of you, it won’t work :( )

[nitunio]

IDOLiSH7 Hunger Games Simulator

I used to play this thing all the time with other characters and fandoms. Now it's time for them to go through it!

Im using this website, you can press "Load Season" and paste the code XKs4qINi to load the main cast, then press "Edit Cast", scroll to the bottom, press "Submit" and you can proceed afterwards!! (the edit cast part is for it to refresh the whole thing, otherwise you will be playing my simulation ^__^"")

Now for the main attraction! I did one run of it and oh. . Experience under the cut! (VERY LONG POST)

Beginning!

Most people run away from the cornucopia, with the exception of them:

WHERE DO I BEGIN. Mitsuki's furious rage (contained in such a short body) made Tamaki give up. At least Sougo scored a mace for them (violently). Ryou loses also.

Minami fights Anesagi for a bag too, and Riku and Touma fight as well. Minami and Touma get their bags.

Weapons obtained: Nagi - sword, Torao - pair of sais, Okarin - handful of throwing knives (oh!), Momo - bow and arrows

Manager uses violence! Basket of bread obtained.

DAY 1

Not even the break of dawn, Momo already is set out for ZOOL. His archery skills are... admirable. Sorry Touma, your fight for the bag didn't save you

On this episode of Torao Needs A Therapist - WHAT. And on another note - Riku would probably be the worst person to go to with that request, I'm glad he went to him

Mitsuki also has a very... depressing thing going on, in spite of fighting so vigorously with Tamaki over a bag. And Yuki would never hurt his kouhai (with an, cough, exception).

Some of the other contestants sadly weren't lucky enough.

Nagi and Banri are killed gruesomely (an explosion and whatever torture Ryou did to Nagi). It's unclear if Gaku had an intention for murder, but we'll see later.. as for Ryou, he should find a better way to vent his anger after failing his fight for supplies.

In other news!

Sponsor items - Iori receives medical supplies, Okarin receives clean water

Takanashi Papa goes hunting.

Haruka picks flowers.

Minami and Yaotome Papa search for firewood. (separately)

Takanashi Papa goes hunting.

Anesagi discovers a river.

Deaths - Touma, Banri, Nagi

NIGHT 1

Starting the night off with something light - they're all decently equipped, and Momo is dealing with some stuff after killing Touma, but as always, not showing it. Mitsuki probably needed this mood lift too, since he didn't do too well before.

Tenn sees their fire but decides to stay hidden, trying to calculate his next move.

And continuing the trend of going to the worst people possible to be making this request to - we now know that what Gaku did was most likely an accident, and Banri just got caught up in it. Sorry, Gaku, you're gonna have to live with it.

In the distance, Takanashi Papa is trying to gather resources...

OLD MAN, DON'T CLIMB TREES, YOUR LIMBS MAY NOT BE SUITED FOR IT ANYMORE. Otoharu Takanashi joins Banri in heaven.

Other contestants find themselves alone...

Utsugi questions his sanity. Tsumugi questions her sanity too.

Anesagi cries herself to sleep.

Yaotome Papa attempts to start a fire, but is unsuccessful.

Ryou goes to sleep. (as one should after murdering a guy, you sick sick man)

But wait.. AN AMBUSH?!

Iori, Tamaki and Minami are no longer alive, because their attempt at ambushing was gravely unsuccessful. For all the planning Iori and Minami could do, there is no stopping Tamaki from acting rash..

And as a cherry on top, Torao finds new powers within himself after Riku's kind words this day and decides to-

Fatally injure Yamato! What an end to this night.

Maybe a nap would help...

Deaths - Takanashi Papa, Iori, Minami, Tamaki, Yamato

DAY 2

As the Sun's rays creep up on the grounds, people wake up and start their day with-

More bloodshed! Torao, I think you're getting WAY too into this, perhaps it might not be the best time to "give it your all"?

Other contestants seem to be doing better, possibly to balance out Torao's kill count.

As the remaining center of ZOOL, Haruka is doing his best to cover for the teammate in the "mercy" department. Thank you for sparing Sougo.

And Tenn is doing his usual thing.

In other, minor news:

Momo discovers a river.

Okarin diverts Tsumugi's attention and runs away. (Tsumugi CAN be scary, believe me)

Utsugi thinks about home.

Ryou fishes. Yuki constructs a shack. (treating it like a farming sim, I see)

Yaotome Papa travels to higher ground. (as he always does in his life)

Deaths - Ryuu, Mitsuki

Districts 2 and 9 are wiped out! Torao has the highest kill count (3) (I don't count Riku, Ryuu and Yuki in that because they were a team in killing the ambushers, and there's no way of telling who contributed the most)

NIGHT 2

Okarin and Sougo really love their campfire stories. And now that Tenn has calculated his moves from the past night, he can safely be in their company, now with his brother too.

Utsugi receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.

Momo thinks about home. Yuki looks at the night sky. (sighss)

Haruka passes out from exhaustion.

Yaotome Papa and Torao both see the campfire, but stay hidden for the night.

A peaceful night indeed.. Wait!

An unlikely (by threat or withholding resources) alliance of Anesagi and Ryou is going after Tsumugi and Gaku! The Manager-Idol duo survive through their sheer power (Tsumugi) and the urge to protect (Gaku).

Deaths - Anesagi, Ryou

DAY 3

Usual day, as usual it can be.

Haruka fishes.

Sougo tries to sleep through the entire day. (uncharacteristically so, perhaps from exerting himself too much)

Tsumugi runs away from Momo. (knowing his archery skills, it could have been a worse outcome. glad Momo's not out for blood)

Yuki attacks Gaku, but he manages to escape. (Gaku, what did you say to him?)

Yaotome Papa steals from Tenn while he isn't looking. (TRIGGER's property is his property too, right?)

But there's more!

Riku plays with some dangerous toys and finishes Torao's kill streak by exploding him, with Utsugi getting caught in the explosion too (That's the second manager who barely did anything and exploded. Stop exploding your local managers)

And maybe give your managers medicine next time too? Okarin received clean water earlier, but it clearly wasn't enough to stop the deathly infection.

Deaths - Torao, Utsugi, Okarin

District 8 and 11 got wiped out! 2 members of i7, 2 members of TRG, the entirety of Re:V and 1 member of ZOOL are alive. Tsumugi and Yaotome Papa are still alive too.

NIGHT 3

Surprisingly devoid of spilled blood, the night is spent peacefully

Haruka thinks about home.

Momo and Tenn run into each other and decide to truce for the night. (best interest in mind, and looking after a kouhai too! great!)

Yuki, Yaotome Papa, Riku, and Gaku sleep in shifts. (unexpected to see Gaku team up with his old man, but things happen! Riku and Yuki decide to continue their alliance from before)

Sougo receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor. (so that no people can die from infection injuries ever again.)

Tsumugi questions her sanity. (i would too)

DAY 4

The cornucopia is replenished with food, supplies, weapons, and memoirs from the tributes' families.

Yuki and Gaku get into a fight over raw meat, but Yuki gives up and runs away. (he needs it for his makeshift soba, Yuki!)

Haruka decides not to go to The Feast. And as we see, it was one of the better decisions.

Yaotome Papa decides to end all sorts of rumors and blow up Riku. Unfortunately, Tenn's "twin sixth sense" couldn't make him get there in time to lead Riku away, but at least they're together now. Two kills on Yaotome Papa (and, like son like father, both he and Gaku are responsible for most explosion deaths. brilliant. please don't continue!) (also fun that Riku was playing with explosives earlier and now died. because of them)

The Feast also brings us a fight!

Sougo has had a mace since the beginning, and now he decided to use it well! And well, he used it. Momo's bow/arrows and Tsumugi's raw strength just couldn't compare.

Deaths - Riku, Tenn, Tsumugi, Momo

DAY 4 (CONT.)

Yuki camouflauges himself in the bushes. (already looks the part)

Yaotome Papa constructs a shack. (what else to do after setting off an explosive)

Sougo tends to Haruka's wounds. (very cute moment after a double-murder, but now these medicals supplies are getting some use!)

Gaku practices his archery. (did you not hear what they did to another archer moments ago?)

NIGHT 4

Yaotome Papa and Yuki tell stories about themselves to each other.

Gaku receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor. (GREAT.)

Sougo tends to his wounds. (efficient and great! probably one of the better doing contestants)

Here's an example of a contestant who's not doing well.

He'll sleep it off, I'm sure.

DAY 5

Yaotome Papa starts the day off by making a wooden spear. Let's see how others are do-

BETRAYAL! After all the injuries have been healed, and Haruka's mind cleared off from screaming, he went straight for it! What a twist!!!!!! WHAT A MOVE!!!

And Sougo might not be the only one with the bad luck today.

Gaku gets betrayed by the ice and his own body, and drowns in the lake. Sadly the received hatchet will never be used.

Let's see how Yuki's doing.

Oh. Alright.

And now it all comes down to these three.

NIGHT 5

Haruka and Yaotome Papa talk about the tributes still alive. (not a lot of them, and you make 67% of the population now. this is just Yuki gossip)

Yuki accidently detonates a land mine while trying to arm it. WHAT.

Deaths - Yuki

DAY 6

Yaotome Papa accidently detonates a land mine while trying to arm it.

Hey. I think the land mines might be faulty. What the fuck!

And the winner is - Isumi Haruka, the lucky man who did not want to arm the landmines! His journey was tough, but in the end it all came down to not touching explosives.

Congratulations!

[autisticwriterblog]

I've been reading some archived Poets interviews and holy shit, this one is sad. And incredibly relatable, as someone who had a massive burnout a few years ago and ended up dropping out of school. I'm glad he finally got to do something that makes him happy.

This is the specific section that I found sad. Marko's lines are in italics.

Marko has personal experiences what it’s like when you can’t go on. Listening to your own strength, some kind of a love for oneself has been a part of his daily routine for more than 10 years now, ever since Marko recovered from burn out, a throughout loss of strength in his work at an advertising agency. His eight year in the advertising world he can now crystallize into one word: suppressive. -I thought I wanted to work in that field, but for most of the time I was in the wrong place. The work came close to what I wanted to do but the environment became suffocating. Marko defines himself as a creator of ideas, not as someone who would finalize those ideas. Spending time cramped up at a computer with eternal hurry, deadlines and people driven to frazzle by those deadlines turned out to be too much in the end. The fatigue deepened into depression, which was first treated with three months of sick leave and later on with therapy. -Day to day life was like sloshing through a swamp. It started to feel like it would be easier to just end my days. Then one day I phoned for help. I said that I feel like I don’t know what I’m going to do to myself. After his sick leave Marko returned to work for another 6 months and came to the conclusion that nothing had changed. He resigned and against all expectations started his own advertisement agency. The pressure didn’t lessen, but Marko felt better. Just when the agency was starting to bear fruit, the time to throw himself into world of music arrived. Leaving advertisement was a slow decision, but a right one. His own burn out experiences awoke an interest in Marko for life style coaching and self help literature. He studies it and reads heaps of books even now and he’s gotten better at knowing how well he’s coping. -I listen to how I’m doing every day now. I look at myself objectively and think why I feel like this now. And it doesn’t have to be so great all the time. Feeling like shit is important too, because you learn a lot from that.

[your-garden-rose]

This was an ask I’m finally working on as I’m free from exams! :D I’m sorry as it was late while writing this :’(

The ask:

Of course this could also turn into angst and all of that sorts, because reader would also be a HUMAN exchange student and this time with ABSOLUTELY NO magical abilities! So this could also focus on how reader STRUGGLES to get good grades (mainly to survive and get home soon) and also how they have nooo support from the demons and would have to struggle to even befriend our three new characters, because most of them don't really like humans. [3/5]

This is more like a fanfic idea, now that I reread it, but you could always try to make an ask and maybe add some parts afterwards? If you don't want to that is absolutely alright!! I would write this myself, but I don't think I have as much skill as you ^^;; [4/5]

- ps.: I love your writing, it's so amazing!! [5/5]

Ty darling! I’m glad you like it!! I hope this one is to your liking too <33

@plantsimp <33

Also, let me know if you want the demons, angels, and the royals, the humans, and the reaper’s reactions to y/n and their journal!

Love, Y/N.

Genre: Angst, no comfort

Ships: none

TW: DEPRESSING THEMES, ANGST NO COMFORT, SUI*IDAL THEMES, IMPLIED SUI*IDE BY READER, IMPLIED BULLYING AND HARASSMENT. BE CAREFUL AND PROCEED ONLY AFTER READING THE TW.

May 2020, 10:00 pm [WEEK 1]

Oh, hello there, I found this journal lying to waste on the floor, not to mention, this was the journal i gifted to Mc… guess mammon threw it away since Mc did come and apologise to me profusely for losing it… either way! It’s just my first week here! Mc seems like a really nice person, no wonder so many people love them! I just wish… no. I wish nothing but the best for Mc and their happiness. Anyways, today was actually pretty boring, classes and such. What even are these classes anyway? Just a bunch of gibberish anyways. All these magic words… did it even exist in the first place? Anyways, it took sometime to get used to be living in literal hell. Solomon was weirdly helpful, yet condescending, Simeon was as angelic as always, Luke? Well, uh…. Why was he barking at me though- anyways, I got to go! See ya in week 2 dear journal!

-Love, y/n <3

May 2020, 10:00 pm [WEEK 2]

So…. I’m not really in the best of my mindset right now but this is the only outlet I have so I’m writing this to get this off my mind. Hope you don’t mind the tear stains though. This whole week, to put it simply, was horrible. It was always one thing that kept popping up to mess with me. One, it was Lucifer. He used me as an outlet to release his anger, as I was always tied up… Mammon always stole and sold my stuff, he ended up selling the ring my mother got me… and acted nonchalant about it, and yelled at me when Mc scolded him. He said some… pretty… harsh words… I’d rather not write them down here, if I don’t want anymore tear stains on this beautiful journal. Anyways, Lucifer called me again. Guess it’s to make me feel even more horrible than I already do. I’m ending it here for today.

-Love, y/n <3

May 2020, 10:00 pm, [WEEK 3]

…….

I want to kill myself.

It is evident here, that hell is taking its toll on me.

And I cannot take it anymore. The stress, the fear, that I will die here at any moment. I can’t. I can’t take this.

Mc can’t spend time with me as no one wants them to even be near a “filthy and a disgusting human like me”. Even the three new students seem to like Mc too. Thirteen always finds pleasure in finding new ways to trap me, Mephistopheles always talks down to me. He always seems to know the exact words to pierce my heart, and ruin what little confidence I have that day.. and Raphael? He just doesn’t care.

Diavolo isn’t doing anything about the brothers and neither are any of the purgatory hall residents care.

I-

I can’t…

Please excuse my tears on my precious journal for once.

…….

-y/n.

May 2020, 10:00 pm, [WEEK 4]

This isn’t an entry in this journal. I cannot take it anymore. At first, I was extremely enthusiastic, extremely happy and so full of light. What happened to me? Why am I not the same person that I was anymore?

Lucifer only sees me as a toy, to take out his anger on. Mammon only sees me as a fucking pawn, someone to humiliate for his pleasure. Leviathan? Well? He sure does enjoy playing ping pong with my confidence and watch it deteriorate. Satan only talks to me when he misses Mc. Asmodeus only sees me as a fleshlight and Mc’s substitute. As for the twins? They don’t even want to associate themselves with me and get angry every time I spend time with Mc.

As for the others? They don’t fucking care. I’m literally just a useless human that’s taking up their space. All they care for is Mc. Not me. They won’t let me go back up either. Not even the angels care. I don’t see any other option or any way out other than this.

Atleast if I no longer exist.. if I die… will they be happy? Will Mc be happy?

I never meant anything, and never will mean anything to these beings. It’s fair, that I only put them all in peace.

I hope, atleast now, I am doing a favour to someone…

-Love, Y/N.

[multitrackdrifting]

I went to my younger cousin's wedding, and I didn't cry or anything but I was happy to see her living such a full and healthy life in the present. I saw all my cousins, plenty of my extended family and while I don't get on perfect with everyone my cousins and I are tight-knit. We don't catch up often but we've always gotten on well.

I think that this life has plenty of servings of bullshit on a plate but honestly, the moments you get to enjoy surrounded by people you care about make everything okay for a day.

I am not an extraverted person, though people think I am because I am exceptional at cosplaying a normal and outgoing guy. I try hard to dress well and groom my appearance and all that shit. Though, one dinner a month or one party is enough for me to feel burned out for quite a while. But as much as I feel tired and all that after the fact, I'm glad I saw all my cousins and even old friends I hadn't spoken to in ages. A lot of them are married or have kids and it's pretty funny to think how far we've come in life.

To people who don't know me that well, I was pretty depressed well into my early adulthood, I didn't think I'd live longer than 18, nor make 21, yet I'm so far removed from that inescapable dread, the spirals and all the other shit that I barely remember what it is like to feel that difficult feeling, like there's a crushing weight on my body, and it's genuinely hard to do anything.

I don't want to live some fairy tale of a life, I just want to live. I'm not struggling, I'm not even close to rock bottom. When I think about the potential life I could've had, I used to feel regret, shit, I felt bitter as hell about it for the longest time. The person I could've been, if not for x y or z - but while I recognize not all pain and experience is meaningful, they still constitute the sum of who I am today. Even if it was just filler and bullshit, the way things went, and the way I choose to walk forward, they make me who I am now. I took a detour, so what?

I have good friends, I look forward to waking up early each day and working on the things I care about. I have hobbies in writing & editing, I got a close circle of friends I hang out with from time to time in real life and I got plenty of good friends online. I don't know for sure what the future holds, and I guess it's scary to think about my life without being online as much (because timezones means that I will never be available to anyone in an American time zone) but I'm also recognizing that the period of my life where I was available all the time to do things was also the same period of time where it had no direction or stability - that I'm just used to it, it's not that I need it, necessarily.

In the future which I'm brushing with, I have to face the reality that I can't be there for people across the ocean and I don't say sentimental things because I am not a sentimental person but that doesn't mean I don't think these things. I'm not built for outward affection for people, it's a lot easier to do with things I like, than people I care about - it's not a lack of emotional intelligence or ability to express that, I'm just not like that because I just don't like doing that.

I was born across the ocean from a lot of people I love and I have no plan to move across it. The hardest thing for me isn't reconciling time lost, the life I could've had or the potential that was left unspent. I'm no longer an idealistic fourteen year old who made a blog because a girl simply asked him to (yes, that's why I've had one since 2010, well, I deleted for like 5 years, but I remade in '22).

I see the future ahead is unwritten, and to write what I want to, I have to sacrifice the comfort I derive from simply being there to do things with people. Part-time work is one thing, it gives you plenty of free time, but a lot of financial anxieties and most people wouldn't choose to just feel terrified about money all the time. I certainly have been there many times.

It scares me, it does. It's so fucking stupid. Of course, I am not the availability I have to other people, and I've always had something I was doing. With college, or work, but I've never had a career - one that was really going somewhere.

Even now, there's still time to breathe before I'm anchored to it. But it's what I want, yet I'm terrified of it. Of seeing my dream materialize, while the world I know actually changes even if it's for the better.

The world I understood, the one I lived, while biding my time until this point, it will fade to the back of my mind even if my feelings about these people don't.

I'll be honest no part of me really loves what I do for work, but it's stable and it's relatively harmless work. I'll never feel the same passion for my job that I do for my crafts and spending time with people I care about. But if one part of me has to suffer for the other to thrive, I'm ready to face that... kinda.

I'm still scared of the future, perhaps I'll be scared even when I'm old. It's my birthday soon, and I still love being alive. I still love the challenge of living and making the most of my new paths.

I've talked to all my close friends about it, but I don't think they understand it really. I commute to the city for work, so I'm out of the house by 7, and I'm home around 7 or 8. I'm just not available that much, and I only have about an hour of free time every day (since I have worked the exact schedule for a year before).

For most people, especially in NA timezones, they understand a couple hours difference being a thing, but for me, I do not have the option to be available or around to do anything and it's so trivial to care about but I do.

But as I agonize over that reality, I too realize that I build up leave - you know? I'll have money to travel. A lot. I'll just build up my leave, go on holidays and do rich people shit (I won't actually be rich, I'm just saying, I'll have more money than I'm making right now).

Maybe I can't cross the ocean and make it home, but I can still cross it. And though I cannot be the guy who rounds out the ranked grind, or the friend who can call with them all the time, I can still be their friend.

I've already worked like this for a year, and I'll be honest it genuinely, well and truly was lonely. In response, I started working more graveyard shift work, and that was not great but for different reasons. But if I really focus on what it can help me do, maybe I can find some middle ground where I know work will never make me feel happy, but I can still find a way to smile each day.

The future scares me, and it also feels kind of exciting.

It's funny. I feel like I've been in a haze for the longest time despite feeling relatively good. Perhaps I was trying not to think about the uncomfortable reality of living a normie life that is a lot more lonely.

I'm not going to agonize on the reality that I have to work to live, working is not that hard to me since the stuff I do I'm pretty good at it. It's the act of work itself being a relatively lonely experience.

Working part-time is okay, but full-time genuinely is gruelling in how lonely it feels. I'm an introverted guy and it makes even me feel lonely.

If I had to have only one wish, it would be to make enough doing anything else that I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Any job I can just quit on a whim, but a career? No, that's not the kind of thing you just drop randomly. And my ADHD ass is terrified of that concept.

It's such a trivial thing to get worried about, but I'm not afraid to say that it bothers me. Every FT job I've ever had I've hated it. I'm not bad at this career path I chose, but hell, just... maybe this is the endgame of everything.

But maybe it isn't.

Maybe I work this job, I get certified, I quit my firm - I do something else.

Maybe I work harder creatively, and I get lucky.

And I do something else.

The future is still not set in stone,

so I guess I'll have to take it as it comes

before I can do something that actually makes me happy

and in the mean time I should just find peace in knowing that what I do helps me live a stable life

even if it kind of sucks to feel alone

But just think, that I'm here to have any fear to face is something remarkable in and of itself. I wasn't supposed to make it through the dark, and I did anyway.

I take pride in living, even if nobody can see its value, I'm glad I'm alive. I'd rather have boring problems than struggle to face forward, or look people in the eyes the way I did when I didn't think I deserved any joy or happiness at all. I'm glad I am alive.

[kentoberry]

THREE DAYS — ERWIN SMITH.

⭒— SUMMARY · after the battle to retake wall maria, you have to find a way to cope.

⭒— CONTENT · angst. major character death. season three spoilers. grieving. pregnancy. mentions of sickness / throwing up. some depression symptoms. minors dni with my blog.

it's been three days since the battle to retake wall maria. three days since you last saw erwin. three days that you've been isolating yourself from everyone else.

hange was the only one that had seen you. they stopped by your room to inform you that they were heading to investigate grisha yaeger's basement with levi and some of the cadets, as well as to drop you off some food.

everyone had lost a lot on that day, regardless of what humanity had gained. losing erwin had taken its toll, that much was clear. you'd never exactly defined your relationship, both terrified that if you put a label on it and subsequently one of you got hurt beyond a point of recovery, the other wouldn't be able to handle it. this was an unspoken agreement.

despite that, everybody in the scout regimen knew about your feelings for one another. from the way that erwin looked out for you on expeditions to the longing gazes you exchanged: the love that you shared was blatantly clear. you even stayed in one another's quarters most nights.

since returning back, you hadn't left your room. by some miracle, you'd escaped the battle relatively unscathed — something within you wanted to say it was erwin's spirit watching over you. you didn't know how to process him not being by your side.

you missed waking up to his rough morning voice, the way that he'd wrap his arms around you from behind whilst you made a morning tea. even the way that you'd been throwing up non-stop had reminded you of when you'd contracted a stomach bug and erwin refused to leave you alone. he'd hold your hair and rub your back whilst you were bent over the toilet, cook you soup just the way he remembered his mother making it.

a couple of knocks on the door broke you out of your thoughts.

you croaked a meek "come in", not even bothering to make yourself look presentable. hange made their way over to you, perching themself on the edge of your mattress. they opened their arms, pulling you in. you obliged.

tears began to pool in your eyes at the display of affection. despite hange's guilt that they would be taking over erwin's position in the military ranks, they were only there to comfort you as a friend. plus, they were there during erwin's final moments. part of you was glad that you weren't, not knowing how you would have coped, but at the same time you wished you could have been with him. you could have told him how you felt. held his hand. made sure it was peaceful. god, you don't know what you would do if you ever found out that he met a painful end.

"i'm sorry," hange mumbled. they were holding back their own tears, both due to what happened to erwin and seeing you so fucking broken. surely there was something they could have done to prevent it. "if it's any consolation, he talked about you. he had us promise to keep you safe, no matter what. erwin deeply cared about you, you know?"

the usual spunk in their voice was absent. you wrapped your arms around them, finally letting the dam break and sobbing into their shoulder. each time you opened your mouth to speak, all that came out where incoherent blubbers. regardless, hange held onto you and did their best to soothe you.

"have you eaten?" they asked once you had calmed down a little. you shook your head. "is there anything i can get you?"

"'ve jus' been throwing it up, hange," you confessed.

"oh, sweetheart... do you think you're sick? i can walk with you to the infirmary? or i can bring a doctor here-"

"no, 's okay. 've just been tired, but i guess it's the weight of the last few days..."

hange felt something was off, so they continued to press you a little bit. "i don't want to pry, but when was the last time that you and erwin..." they scratched the back of their neck, slightly uncomfortable. it was out of character, sure, but everything over the last few days had been turned on its head anyways.

"fuck." you whispered. your hand instantly cupped your lower stomach. "you're not saying that..." you trailed off. it was like a puzzle piece clicking into place. you'd been nauseous mostly in the mornings and evenings. you missed your period, though assumed it to be a result of stress due to work.

neither of you said anything, letting it sink in. before you knew it, you were sobbing again. if your mind wasn't already swarming with a billion thoughts, it certainly was now. though in the midst of all of it, you were somewhat comforted by the little thing growing in your stomach. it was almost as if you still had a piece of erwin with you. hange was in front of you, a few steps away, yet you could have sworn you felt a hand on your shoulder followed by an overwhelming warmth inside of you. it was as if erwin was right next to you, whispering that it'll all be okay.