robinlovesbouchra

[kimjiwoong]

turns out alexis mixed up the date of his trip so it's not this weekend it's next weekend lmao so we're seeing one of our fave bands on saturday

[f1fantasys]

FUCK (literally and metaphorically)

Summary - exes who get back together, leading to A LOT of smut.

Warnings : Smut, swearing, minors DNI, fingering, p in v sex, anal, oral sex - both male and female receiving.

4.8 K

You and Lando had been dating on and off few about 2 years now. It started off as friends with benefits - neither of you were able to put in the time and effort for a relationship because of his f1 and your modeling career - so it was just hook ups for a quick fuck whenever you were free and in the same country. Obviously though, feelings were soon coming in strong for the both of you, so you became official for a bit, until it was becoming too difficult, so you mutually broke it off. Until you found your way into each others beds more often then not. So it really was like a game of running around in circles.

You had last seen Lando 2 months ago, before he jetted to Asia and USA for his races, where you 'broke up' again. You'd told him that that was the last time, and that you both seriously needed to move on from each other. It was hard, you wont lie - the both of you full of emotions and not wanting to let go - but it was also for the best. Your careers were too demanding.

Last night though - he texted you.

In town for a bit, staying at the lake house with my parents for the weekend. Wanna come over tomorrow night? They'll be out.

Lan.. you started replying but he was quick to send another text.

I know what we said last time, but I really need to fucking see you

Okay, what time?

Say 10? Bring swim clothes

You just reacted to his message with a heart.

You were a mess today. Why were you so nervous to see him?

Maybe because you didn't want to walk away? Didn't want to have to leave him again?

You wore a skimpy red bikini and threw on a pair of denim shorts and tank top. The drive to the lake house was not far from yours - so you got there in good time.

You grabbed your bag and made your way to the door. Holding in a breath and you knocked.

''It's open'' you heard him say.

You pushed the door open and there he was. Standing in the kitchen in nothing but his swim shorts, opening a bottle of wine, sending you his deliciously handsome smile.

''There she is'' he said, putting the wine down and coming up to you before pulling you in for a tight hug.

You responded immediately to his touch. It instantly calmed you down and took the nerves away. This was your Lando - how could you be nervous about him, you thought to yourself.

''Hey Lan'' you breathed out.

He pulled back and looked at you, eye wandering between your own eyes and your lips.

But he couldn't hold back anymore. He crashed his lips to yours as he picked you up by your thighs and set you on the counter. His lips were sloppy and messy against yours, which had you moaning into the kiss. Lando took this as an opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. You ran your hands along his bare back as he lowered his lips to your neck, sucking and biting at your sweet spot.

''Lan'' you panted.

''Missed you so fucking much this time'' he whispered, slowly peeling your top of of you.

''I missed you too'' you couldn't help but mutter between breathes.

''Fuck'' he said before pulling back. He must have seen the worried look so he quickly smirked at you. ''The nights' gonna end here and now if we carry on. Wine?''

You smiled back. ''Please''

He poured you both a glass before you went to sit outside. It was sort of chilly, so he had a fire going as well as the hot tub bubbling away.

''In or out?'' he asked, pointing at the hot tub.

''Hmmm, out for now'' you said.

You both took a seat and gazed up at the sky, just listening to nature, and happy to be in each others' presence.

''Soooo'' he started. ''How have you been. We actually didn't even catch up this time.''

''I know. But I've been good. I guess. Busy. Work's great.'' you looked at him as you continued- ''Missed you though. Been miserable without you''

Without any hesitation he pulled your chair close to his and interlocked your hands together.

''I've been thinking..'' he paused for a few seconds. ''About us. I hate being away from you. Not being able to text and call whenever i want. Not being able to kiss you when i want. I want to put in the effort to make us work. I want all of you, y/n''

You gasped at his admission. A bittersweet feeling washing over you. He was saying everything you've wanted him to say. But is it worth the risk? Getting back together, for real, and then having the risk of heart break when things don't work out.

Lando bought your hand up to his mouth and kissed your knuckles when you didn't respond straight away. But something in the way he was looking at your tonight made you feel like maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay. That there would be no heartbreak. You held on to that piece of hope.

''I want all of you too Lan. I want us to work, more than anything'' you pleaded back to him.

He smiled and pulled your whole body onto his lap, kissing you hard and deep. ''Just need to communicate, yeah?'' you nodded in response. ''And be honest with each other'' you added.

''Hmm mm'' he said, kissing you again. This time slow and sensual, still deep enough to make you see stars.

''You're mine forever, y/n. Never forget that'' he whispered.

''All yours Lan, always'' you said, peeling your top off for the second time tonight.

Lando gently stood up, lifting you with him, before stepping into the hot tub, lowering you down back on his lap, all the while his lips never left yours.

Things quickly turned heated, physically and metaphorically. The hot tub was steaming, already breaking a sweat on your faces. And your actions - well anytime the two of you were joined together, it was hot.

Lando's kisses became erratic, desperate. He was kissing, sucking, nipping, soothing every inch of your face and neck while all you could do was moan and pull on his hair, edging him on to give you more.

Your skimpy red bikini top was soon untied and ripped off of you, revealing your perky boobs and taunt, pink, hard nipples. You didn't miss how Lando's eyes turned a shade darker.

He lowered his mouth and began his onslaught on them. Sucking and biting at them relentlessly, over stimulating you.

''Lan, oh my god, slow down'' you panted, pulling harder at his hair so he'd get the hint. But of course he didn't. He was for sure leaving purple bruises for tomorrow, not showing any mercy.

He finally pulled back for air, but that didn't stop his fingers from sliding into your bikini bottoms to cup your sex. The movement had you jolting. He was the last person - besides yourself - to touch you there, and that was over two months ago. So to finally feel what-or who-you've craved so much of, sent your spiraling and reacting instantly.

He spoke with a teasing tone. '''Fuck, y/n. Already this wet. For me?'' he asked smirking at you, gliding his fingers through your folds.

''Fuck you Lan'' you teased back.

''Baby. You're gonna fuck me. My fingers. Now.'' he said, lining two finger up at your entrance, not pushing in yet though. You gave him a confused look when he stopped. But just chuckled. ''Fuck my fingers, y/n''

Something clicked in you and you finally got the hint. You quickly lowered your self on his fingers. The stretch burning you, but nearly not enough to what you craved.

''That's it. So tight and slick for me'' Lando said as he pulled your face down to lock lips once again.

You set a brutal pace, chasing the high that you needed, while Lando added a third finger to the mix, also finding your clit with his thumb.

''Lando, I'm close'' you moaned into the kiss. He didn't reply verbally though. He just curled his fingers at just the right moment, rubbing them against the spongy spot in your cunt, which sent you trembling over the edge.

Your orgasm left you body hard and fast, shaking while Lando held you in his arms, slowing his fingers, riding you through the intensity. You groaned his name, squeezing his biceps as you let your juices release on his fingers.

The two of your just embraced each other for a few minutes, before Lando carefully slid his fingers out of you and lifted you out the water to sit on the ledge with just your legs staying in the water.

The cool air of the night hardened your nipples and raised goosebumps on your skin as Lando pushed you back to lie down, as he stepped in between your legs and spread them apart.

He took your bikini bottoms off and threw them to the side. Now your cunt was on full display. He reached forward and licked the cum that was still dripping out of you. The feeling of his tongue sent a jolt of electricity through your body, making you latch onto his hair again.

''Hmm Lan, more. Please'' you begged.

His slow pace was soon replaced with a series of ferocious licks and sucks, his mouth lapping at your cunt as if he were starved - which he would argue he is.

''So fucking delicious babygirl, missed my favorite taste'' he murmured before continuing his activity.

You opened your legs further, giving him better access. He added a finger to play as well, and within minutes you felt that all too familiar warmth start to build up in your stomach. All it took was one bite of your clit between Lando's teeth and you violently came all over his face.

''Fuck y/n, that was a load full. So fucking sexy'' he commented, making sure to swallow all that you gushed his face with.

He sat back down and pulled your jelly-like body onto his lap again. The warm waster soothing your aching pussy that was still throbbing.

Lando took your face in his hands and peppered you with feather like kisses. His finger stopped at your mouth and you took it in without hesitation. Suck at it, eyes not leaving his.

You suddenly whined, an urge to taste him over coming you.

''Lan, need to taste you. Please'' you said, already climbing off him and pulling his shorts off underwater.

But he stopped you. ''Later. First need to fill you up. Need to feel you around me. Please y/n.''

Your brain short circuited as soon as the words left his mouth. As you forgot how much you wanted needed him in you.

You were quick to climb onto his lap again, this time his dick was rubbing against your inner thigh, feeling hard and hot.

You took him in your hands, pumping him a few times as he moaned your name.

''Oh y/n. Fuck.''

You giggled at him. You'd hardly touched him and he was putty in your hands, pulling at your hair now.

''Laugh at me again and I won't let you cum'' he said, very matter of factly, though his smirk told you a different story.

''Oh yeah?'' you teased, lifting yourself up slightly and running his cock through your folds.

''Babygirl you'll be the death of me''

''Hmmm mm'' you mumbled, already distracted by feeling him on your most sensitive parts.

Lando took your face in his hands again. He kissed you, his tongue sliding back in and then sucking harshly on your tongue. ''Gonna ride me yeah? Fuck me til you're screaming my name?''

''Lan'' you breathed. Your cunt clenching desperately, needling to feel him now.

He took his dick out of your hands and lined himself up at your entrance.

In one swift movement you sank down on him. He filled you up to the brim. You sat still, allowing your body to accept the intrusion, the stretch was sore, but in seconds the pleasure over came you and you began to move.

Lando's hands settled at your waist, his touch light, as he let you set the pace. Your hands found his hair again, pulling at it as you rode him.

''So fuckin tight for me angel. That's it baby, fuck me harder'' he mumbled between breaths.

By now all coherent thoughts had left your mind. All you could do was moan his name, chant it through gritted teeth, as your movements became faster and faster.

You don't think you'd ever ridden him - or anyone - this hard before. Your pace was brutal. You could feel him hitting just the right spots inside of you, and the water of the hot tub was splashing all over.

''Lan'' you moaned again, guiding his head to your boobs to let him suck softly on your nipples.

You were both so caught up getting lost in each other's bodies that you didn't hear the front door open and close, voices from inside the house muttering away.

That was until you heard Lando's mum speak.

''Lando? Are you outside honey?'' she called.

You both stopped in your tracks, movements coming to a halt.

You were so fucked out to react - to separate away from him, so you just sat still, his dick inside of you.

''Fuck'' he muttered.

''Yeah mum, but I'm good. Go to bed'' he yelled back.

But of course, Cisca, oblivious to what was going on, had to come outside.

''Lan -'' She started but gasped when she saw you - your back to her.

You just hid your face in his neck, not sure you could even get a word out while still feeling him twitch in your cunt.

He let out a nervous chuckle. ''Mum'' he said, smiling at her.

She was dumbstruck, confused? You didn't know.

''It's just y/n, mum'' he said, trying to detactch yourselves but failing to do so.

''Y/n, good to see you. Uh, I'm gonna go inside. I'll see you later'' she said, as something must have clicked in her.

You heard the sliding door close and let out a breath of relief, looking back at the house, then back at Lando.

''Fuck me'' he said, eyes still watching his parents inside, who he could see were desperately trying to busy themselves and go upstairs.

''I kinda was until... how the fuck am I gonna face your parents now'' you pondered, slightly turned off at thinking about it.

''I don't know. We'll deal with it later. For now I need to feel you around me again'' he said, pulling out and pumping himself a few times.

Once he saw the lights downstairs were turned off and no Norris' were in sight, he man handled your body to bend over the sides of the hot tub.

Oh boy you thought to yourself, he's not gonna let you off easily now.

''Anal, yeah?'' he asked just as he lined his tip up with your hole.

All you could do was nod your head. It was new for the two of you, but it was something you only did a few times. You pushed your ass slightly in the air.

And he did. He slammed into you, causing you to let out a guttural moan. He was quick to cover your mouth with his one hand, while the other pulled at your hair.

''Have to be quiet, unless you want an audience'' Lando said through gritted teeth.

You didn't. So you muffled your moans into his hand.

He fucking into you so hard, with so much force, you weren't sure you would be able to walk after. But you didn't care. It felt amazing. He felt fucking amazing.

Not 5 minutes later and you whined. ''Need to come Lan, not gonna last long'' and before you could even finish your sentence, you gushed all over his cock. Your walls clenched around him, throbbed around him.

''Jesus, fuck, y/n, so tight''

You'd think he'd slow his movements and ride you through your orgasm, but this was Lando Norris. Of course he continued to fuck into you with no mercy.

You were sure you would black out if he didn't slow down soon. ''Lan, too much'' you mumbled.

He suddenly pulled out of you and turned out body around so you could took at each other.

''Want me to stop?'' he asked, smirking.

And fuck no, you did not want him to stop. The way your pussy was clenching around nothing sent your body into overdrive. You needed to feel him fill you up again.

You didn't want to give him the satisfaction, so you bit your lip and he couldn't help but laugh at your antics.

''Thought so'' he said, before thrusting back into your normal entrance, very quickly setting a pace that had you seeing stars, while his hands settled on your boobs and fondled with them.

''Lan'' you whined again.

''Doing so good for me princess. So fucking good. Taking me to well.''

You could feel Lando's girth twitching inside of you, his movements getting sloppier by the second.

''Fuck, so close y/n. Together, yeah babygirl?'' he asked.

You nodded again, unable to form any words. He bought his hand up to wipe at the tears that were leaving your eyes.

''Almost there my love. Keep going'' he encouraged you.

''Lan I'm - '' but you were cut off by Lando pinching you clit, your orgasm washing over you which had your body jittering and shaking once again, unable to control yourself. And just at the same time you felt him shoot ropes and ropes of hot cum deep within you. His own body shuddering and whines and moans leaving his mouth.

He pulled your body back into the water to settle above him, dick still inside you, softening quickly.

You slumped forward on him, and he rested his arms on the back of the hot tub, both gasping for air, a thick sheet of sweat plastered on both your faces.

''Fucking hell. That was incredible y/n.'' he said he lifted your head to look at you. His eyes were still shades darker than usual.

You still couldn't form any words, so you smiled sheepishly at him.

''I love you'' he whispered.

Now all the air had left your lungs. It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but something about the way he said it now had reignited all the butterflies in your tummy.

You tears had now returned, so he gently kissed them away before settling his lips on yours, kissing you softly.

''I love you too'' you whispered back, in between kisses.

''Let's get cleaned up yeah? Cuddles after?'' he asked, knowing what your answer would be. It was always cuddles after sex, no matter what.

Lando carried you out he water and made a beeline for his room upstairs, hoping everyone was asleep, since you were both butt naked.

Lando placed you on his bed and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving you whining for him.

''Baby I'm back just went to get a warm cloth. He spread your legs apart, fully intending you just clean you up, but his brain nearly short circuited when he saw cum still leaking out of you - more so at the thought of his cum leaking out of you.

He bent down and as gently as he could- because he knew you were over stimulated- he licked a strip up your cunt, collecting as much cum as he could.

You gasped and jumped at the feeling, not expecting it at all.

''Lando! - '' but before you could even continue talking his hand hallowed your cheeks to pry your mouth open and the cheeky bastard let his cum drip from his own mouth down into yours.

You moaned, making sure to swallow every last drop, before he reached down and interlocked your lips once again.

''Dirty'' you chuckled, in between kisses.

''Hmm. Couldn't help it'' he mumbled, and after a while, he did eventually clean you up and spoon you from behind, the both of you drifting into an easy slumber.

You woke to the sun blazing on your body, strring sightly, forgetting where you were until you felt someone pull you closer.

Then it dawned on you - you were with Lando, and apparently back together with him, for real this time?

You could hear his soft snored so you gently turned your body to face his.

He looked angelic. Face contorted in a deep sleep still, mouth slightly agape, blowing cool air onto your own face.

Although you didn't want to wake him, you couldn't help but place a soft kiss on his lips.

You stayed staring at him, admiring him, for god knows how long, until he starting speaking, making you jolt at being caught.

''You're staring'' he mumbled.

''I'm gazing'' you cooed back.

''It's creepy''

''It's romantic''

Lando's eyes flew open and he immediately started tickling you all over.

''Lando! Stop!'' you shrieked.

''Romantic, huh? That's not how you rode me last night'' he smirked, settling his weight on top of you.

''Fuck you'' you mumbled, pulling him by his hair to connect your lips.

''Wrong. You want me to fuck you again, don't you?'' he asked, a knowing smile on his face.

You couldn't help but blush at his words, because, of course you wanted to fuck again.

But first, you wanted something else.

You pushed Lando back to lie on his back and threw your legs over him so you were now sitting on his stomach.

You very quickly noticed the slick dripping out of you. ''Someone's already so wet for me'' he firmly said.

''Shut up'' you replied, as you leaned down to kiss him again, rough and hard this time. You tongue slipping into his mouth for once, earning the sexiest moans from him.

You sucked on his bottom lip for some time until you felt his dick against your ass. Standing angry and tall, hard as rock.

You slid your hand back to pump him while you continued to kiss him, eventually bringing your lips to his neck to leave a few marks for him.

He started twitching in your hand, letting out more moans and a ''fuck, y/n, please'' bit of begging from him.

You made your way down to his nipples, sucking on each of them, biting them, then soothing them with your tongue, all the while you eyes remained locked on his.

Finally though, you slid down enough to see his cock standing in front of your eyes.

He already had pre-cum leaking from the slit, and the thick vein on the underside was protruding dramatically.

''Someones eager'' you threw his words back at him.

''Uh fuck please, please do something'' he begged again.

So you did. You put the tip of his cock in your mouth and sucked at it, hard, swallowing the salty pre-cum.

He hissed at the action. Hips bucking up unable to control himself.

Lando gathered all your hair and held it out of your face as you pushed his cock deeper into your mouth, deep throating him, instantly feeling him hit the back of your throat.

You pulled back for air, a string of spit still connecting your lips to his dick, so he couldn't help but pull you up for a quick kiss.

You pulled away quickly though, eagerly wanting to taste him.

He relaxed back and still help you hair with one hand, while his other rested behind his head.

Every few seconds he buck his hips up to go deeper inside of your mouth, causing you to gag and spring a few tears at the corners of your eyes.

''You're so fucking good at this baby. Best head ever.'' he managed between breaths.

Al you could do was hum at him. Soon his movements started to get sloppy and you could feel his dick twitching again. You knew he was close - so you did the one thing you knew would send him over the edge.

You sucked, hard on his tip again, and in no time he shot sheets of milky white cum down your throat, body shuddering. Listening to his moans had your pussy clenching around nothing, so you squeezed your thighs together as your rode him through his orgasm.

Eventually you pulled back. Your face was a mess. Tears stringing down your cheeks, slightly black with your eyeliner from last night, chin and chest slick with a mixture of sweat, spit and cum.

You breathlessly sat on his stomach again, but he quickly pushed you lower down so he could sit against the headboard and pull you closer.

Lando then began a serious of harsh licks off over your face and chin, chest as well, basically cleaning you up.

As he was doing that, you started to grind yourself against his thigh.

You were so wet already so you easily slid against him. rewarding him with harsh moans and grunts.

Once he 'cleaned you up'', Lando latched his mouth to your perky boobs again. You squirmed at the sensitivity until he started talking again.

''Baby, wanna fuck me again like last night? Ride me again? But this time no interruptions, yeah?''

His words had you dripping even more now. Your mind not being able to form any words. So you simply lifted your self up and lined his dick at your entrance. Then you sat. In one swift movement you sat down on him.

You didn't even give yourself any time to adjust. You very very quickly set a fast pace. Faster than last night if you could. You held his shoulders and gave him everything in you. Swift, quick movements of up and down.

''Oh Lan, yes. Feels so good;'' you mumbled, eyes rolling to back of your head.

''Shit'' he spat back, also not able to form any coherent thoughts. Just you riding him as if your life depended on it.

Within minutes your body was shaking violently as your orgasm ripped through your body. Your moans were uncontrollable, and anyone im the room next door would definitely be able to hear you, but you didn't care. You couldn't even move, so Lando had to chase his own orgasm but jerking his hips up to meet yours, fucking you relentlessly.

''Fuck y/n, fuck. So good. So fuckin tight for me. Gonna fill you up now. Maybe fuck a baby into you, yeah? You want that?'' he asked, not fully releasing what he was saying. Not that you did either, but you reply to him was quick. ''Please Lan, use me was your whore. Give me a baby, fuck. Please fuck'' you said through gritted teeth.

Hearing you call yourself his whore, Lando immediately came inside of you. White cum painting your walls endlessly. His whole body shaking underneath yours.

You both stilled for a few minutes. Letting your breathing come down to normal (if it even could?), just basking in each others sweat and breath.

''Fuck me y/n'' Lando breathed out after a while.

You couldn't help but giggle.

''I just fucked you Lan, already want more?'' you teased.

''You're gonna fucking end me'' he said, pulling you in for a gentle kiss as you played with his curls.

You could feel his dick softening inside you, but as he tried to pull out you stopped him.

You made a shocked face. ''Lan. If you want that baby you'll have to push your cum further into me. Not pull out'' you said smirking.

His expression was priceless but so fucking cute you had to laugh at him.

''I-I'' you started but you cut him off.

''Lan relax, I'm joking. I do, definitely want a baby from you, one day. But for now, I'm on birth control..so we should be okay..I hope'' you said slowly, knowing it wasn't always 100% effective.

But you both just got into a fit of giggles thinking about what you said to each other in that moment.

Just as he started kissing you again, someone knocked on the other side of the wall.

''Hey lovebirds. Thank you so much for the wake-up call. I appreciate it. Oh and how was the hot tub last night?''

It was Flo, Lando's sister.

You both froze at her statement, faces going red and although you shouldn't be, shocked that she probably heard every single thing from this morning.

''Ummm heey Flo'' you chuckled nervously.

Authors note - hope you all enjoyed this. Maybe the most smut I've written? I think so. But I had fun. ALSO - did anyone peep the vampire diaries ref in there?

REQUESTS ARE OPEN.

[yourgothiccqueen]

LN4 - “Formula One Sucks” Part 2

Summary: Y/N and Lando go on their first date.

Pairings: Lando Norris x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing, hints of sexual tension etc

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

Masterlist

*Ping*

Y/N glanced down at her phone, a small smile forming at her lips. There would only be one person messaging her so late at night.

lightning mcqueen: Soooo, what did you think of the race today? :)

The last thing she expected to happen after her begrudging trip to Silverstone was to end up texting a certain McLaren driver.

Well, it was more than texting really. There were calls too, every other day. Lando was a busy (understatement of the year) guy, but they’d found themselves falling into a comfortable routine of late night conversations.

y/n: didn’t watch it, was too busy washing my dog :,)

A lie, of course. Y/N had recently found herself infatuated with F1. She hadn’t missed a race. But she wasn’t going to let Lando feel smug about that.

lightning mcqueen: u little shit, you don’t have a dog!

y/n: says who?!

lightning mcqueen: you, on the phone last week!

y/n: 🤷‍♀️ maybe I was washing my friends dog?

lightning mcqueen: its okay, no need for lies - i know ur an f1 super fan now thanks to yours truly :D

Y/N felt a smile tug at her lips. Okay, he was smug. But it was kinda cute.

y/n: okayyyy, perhaps I did watch. And perhaps I thought you were rather impressive. happy now?

lightning mcqueen: very :) goodnight grumpy girl x

y/n: goodnight u smug bastard x

————————————————————-

It didn’t take long for him to ask her on a date. It caught her by surprise, despite the ease at which they’d been chatting over the past month.

“What do you even wear on a date with an F1 driver?” Y/N groaned, flopping back on to her bed.

Piles of clothes were scattered around the room, deemed totally unacceptable for a date with Lando Norris.

“Not this.” Her friend Annie, grimaced, picking up a bright pink Oodie off of the floor.

“Yeah no shit!”

“Look, you must have something in here.” Annie rummaged through the wardrobe. “Where’s he taking you anyway?”

“Someplace in central. It’s not too fancy, but it’s definitely fancier than the pink Oodie.” Y/N pointed.

“Oooo. This could work!” Annie pulled out a relatively new, seemingly unworn black dress. “Can’t go wrong with a little black dress.”

Y/N’s eyes widen - “I can’t wear that!”

“Why the hell not?”

“It’s too…showy. I bought it on a whim. For a nice occasion.”

Annie rolled her eyes “if you’re not going to wear it on a date with a super hot formula one driver, then when the hell are you gonna wear it?!”

Fair point.

———————————————————

Stood outside the restaurant, Y/N felt her nerves begin to grow. What the hell was she doing? She didn’t do this sort of thing! If she’d had told herself a month ago that she’d be going on a date with Lando, she’d have laughed in her own face. This was wild. This was ridiculous. This was positively insane in fact!

“Y/N?”

Suddenly whipped out of her own thoughts, Y/N turned around.

Oh god, he looked bloody gorgeous.

He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling as he did. His white shirt was a stark contrast against his tan skin. His curly hair was slightly more tamed than usual - he’d clearly made an effort, which made Y/N’s heart race even faster.

“Hey!” She managed to stutter out, sounding far more confident than she felt inside.

“Hi! God I’m so sorry I’m late, were you waiting long?” Lando queried.

Y/N had failed to notice that he was late in the first place, having been so in her own head.

“No just got here.” She smiled. “You look really nice.” She paused, a fleeting moment of confidence. “For a smug bastard, of course.”

A quick laugh left Lando’s mouth.

“Ha! You look lovely too, despite being the world's grumpiest woman, of course.”

“Oh of course.” Y/N giggled, as they made their way inside.

He’d chosen well - it was beautiful inside the restaurant, but not fancy enough to make Y/N feel uncomfortable.

Y/N placed her phone down on the table as she sat, and Lando couldn’t help but catch a glimpse.

“Wait, why am I called Lightning McQueen in your phone?” He laughed.

“Because you’re fast - duh!”

“Lightning McQueen is red.” Lando retorted, a look of exasperation written across his face, as he made himself comfortable in his chair.

“So?”

Lando rolled his eyes, jokingly.

"There's nothing wrong with red cars!" Y/N exclaimed.

“Well, I prefer orange myself. Gimme your phone, I’ve got a better name.”

“If I must”

Y/N passed her phone across the table and into Lando's hand. His fingers brushed hers as she did so. Despite their playful bickering, she couldn't help but wish she could leave her hand on his a moment longer.

God, she was fully gone and she'd only been sat in his presence for less than five minutes. He was going to be the death of her.

Lando typed into Y/N’s phone momentarily, before passing it back, a small smirk on his face.

“Lando ‘The Hunk’ Norris?” She laughed, eyebrows raising. “Really?”

“Well, it’s much more accurate, don’t you think?”

He folded his arms across his chest. Y/N felt herself begin to blush, so decided the sane response was to hide herself behind the menu.

"Well?" Lando quipped.

"Well what, Lando 'The Hunk' Norris?" Y/N spoke, glancing up at the curly haired man. His eyes bore into hers, a slight mischievous glint to them.

"Aren't you going to agree?"

"You want me to tell you that you are in fact, a 'hunk'?" She retorted.

Lando leaned back in his chair. "I suppose I don't need you to. The fact that you've gone bright red says it all."

Y/N felt her blush deepen.

"You're a cocky bastard. you know that?"

"I haven't had any complaints yet."

---------------------------------------------------

The rest of the date passed in a blur of midly flirtatious comments and an abundance of sexual innuendos. Y/N wasn't sure what she had been expecting when she'd agreed to a date with Lando. She'd presumed he'd be polite, and sincere and kind - which he was. But what she hadn't anticipated was his quick wit and his ability to call her out. She liked it. She liked it very much indeed.

Perhaps she'd finally met her match.

By the time they left the restaurant the sun had long set, and a light drizzle had set in.

Y/N felt the breath leave her lungs as Lando took his hand in hers.

"Thank you." He smiled, softly.

"What for, exactly?" She questioned, half unable to focus on anything except the feeling of his warm hand in hers.

"For...this. It's not often I get to meet someone who... makes me feel so normal. Someone who isn't afraid to say what's on their mind. It's nice."

Once again, a blush crept up Y/N's neck and towards her cheeks.

"Well, I am pretty incredible." She winked.

"Oh, shut up!"

"Make me."

Lando stepped forward, and in one breathe his lips crashed into her own. It was messy at first, filled with passion and unresolved sexual tension, before they found their rhythm. She closed her eyes, feeling his strong hands wrapped around her waist. His mouth molded against hers, warmth spilling throughout her body. He was perfect. His mouth moved in perfect timing against hers, as she entwined her hands at the base of his hair, letting her fingers run through his curls. She could stand her forever, she thought, with her body pressed against his, his mouth against hers.

Eventually, Y/N pulled away first, gazing up into Lando's darkened eyes. His lips were swollen and wet - she already wanted to kiss him again.

"Want to continue this date at mine?" She whispered, unable to leave his gaze.

"Say no more."

[piccolos-bigtoe]

Not 100% happy w/this doodle but whatevs.. Demo and Sniper are room mates in my grocer AU...... Besties, they own a 1,200/month two bedroom one bath apartment together. They sit and watch tv together and stuff, naked I guess becoz they're besties. uhhh yah. As far as room mates go they get along together mostly well. Both of them hate their job ofc and want more from life but deal with it differently, while Demo bottles it up and pretends he's fine (thats just how life is right? Never bad to be content with what you have), Sniper complains about it a bunch (intellectualizes suffering, he's kind of a wet cardboard box). Which to Snipers credit, is what gets Demo to realize that there's no shame in admitting he's maaayyybbeee not happy with his life's trajectory. Drama and hijinks ensue. Demo and Sniper jointly own a white Toyota corolla together because that was the first car my sibling ever owned and it's nostalgic to me....

I've been evil brewing some sick ideas in my twisted head....... Not a lot tho I'm actually really busy with school but I'm still doodling them here and there (I REALLY need to start writing stuff down). I actually wasn't able to get to my campus today because the snow was soooo bad, I couldn't even get back home (currently apartment sitting for my sibling). I made curry and flat bread for dinner tho so I'm okay..

You can read this as romantic or platonic or anything like that, becoz they are just kind of comfortable w/eachother liek that regardless I think. I am tagging it w/swordvan but again, it's just sort of whatever.

[leclercsluvs]

CL16/DR3 | Already Over | smau

part 9 | masterlist

an: this is going to be the last part, and this is happening about a year after the last part ended. daniel is also now racing for redbull, because i want max and daniel as teammates :) pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader, daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 3.189.461 others yourusername guess who went and performed at coachella? it was such a nice crowd!! absolutely loved it.

danielricciardo fuck racing. i'm going to all your next live performances

yourusername not if i have anything to say >:( maxverstappen1 wow am i really that bad to be in a team with? danielricciardo i didn't want you to find out like this... maxverstappen1 guess i won't let you win the next race then 🤷 danielricciardo you don't have to let me, i will win yourusername hey hey, no fighting under my post maxverstappen1 sorry danielricciardo sorry

charles_leclerc looks beautiful

yoursister *cough cough* you aren't together *cough cough*

yourusername

liked by logansargeant, mickshcumacher and 3.357.816 others yourusername was i invited just to take photos? yeah pretty much.

georgerussell63 and you snapped the best photos ever

yourusername yeah but i'm not on any! might as well not have been there 😔

oscarpiastri you all went out???

yourusername you weren't invited??? landonorris yeah he was he was busy oscarpiastri that was a lie, i wanted you to force me landonorris i can't force you when i thought you had plans 🤨 oscarpiastri yes you can. landonorris fine i'll force you the next time

lewishamilton at least you know how to take nice photos so we don't end up with the most blurry photos of all those cool outfits

yourusername oh you mean my outfit? that's on none of these photos? because i had to take them all? lewishamilton i was, in fact, talking about my outfit. but your outfit was alright

lilymhe wow i would have loved an invite

yourusername alex didnt mention it?? lilymhe no he just said he was going out for a quick dinner with the team and then he'd be back alex_albon well it was supposed to be just the team, and then it turned into an after party with all the drivers and we sort of forgot time yourusername smh i was at the redbull dinner because daniel invited me, and kelly was there with max, why didn't you invte lily??? 🤨 alex_albon i wasn't aware we were allowed to invite more people maxverstappen1 oh i just did it, i didn't know either danielricciardo oh i was told to bring y/n

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, georgerussel63 and 3.722.261 others yourusername went on a nice well deserved vacation with some friends. refreshing tagged: yourbff, yourfriend, yoursister

yoursister thanks for finally bringing me on one of your adventures

yourusername always a pleasure to have you there to annoy me ❤️ yourbff i was, in fact, invited as the first person yourfriend LIES i was yourusername i literally invited you all in the group chat what are you talking about??? 😭

landonorris now why was i not invited AGAIN??

yourusername do you not have races to attend? landonorris oh... right oscarpiastri yeah i can't race for two people danielricciardo and i am not racing for mclaren anymore so i can't help landonorris right you ditched me for redbull danielricciardo bitch i was FIRED

charles_leclerc looking beautiful as always

scuderiaferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 3.722.261 others scuderiaferrari good weekend with charles on the podium. again next weekend? tagged: charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc hoping for the best next weekend, hoping to be back on the top though

y/n/n4ever soooo did anyone else see y/n in the paddock today? i swear she's his lucky charm. whenever she's there he does amazing.

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 3.722.261 others yourusername my man finally got p1 in his home race. so proud of you 🥹 tagged: charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc i thought you said "not too public" 🤨

yourusername well that was before you won and before twitter spotted us charles_leclerc that makes sense

leclercs well this was a hard launch for sure

scfty/n and i'm here for it

lecswrld so so so proud of him!!

georgerussel63 congrats mate!

oscarpiastri 1-2 for the leclerc family

yourusername i'm sorry what-? charles_leclerc sorry i should have talked to you about it.. i adopted a son

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 3.722.261 others charles_leclerc i think i have a good luck charm yourusername we need to go on a date before every race ❤️ tagged: yourusername

yourusername invite me out whenever, i'm ready to say yes

charles_leclerc move in with me? landonorris woaahhhh yourusername maybe a bit too soon.. charles_leclerc hm i tried. i'll try again at some point.

carlossainz55 i thought me being in your team was your good luck charm 😞

charles_leclerc you were my teammate since 2021. would have thought i'd have some more wins if you were my good luck charm carlossainz55 i guess you're right

pierregasly congrats mate!!

landonorris us 🤝 ruining max's win streak

lewishamilton so deserved! proud of you!

-

taglist: @exotic-iris13 @callsignwidow @destinyg237 @lanadelray1989 @dullypully

[amhrosina]

Touch Me (Frank Castle x f!Reader)

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAG LIST

A/N: Hi friends! I know I said I wanted to get this out by yesterday, but I ended up at my local(ish?) urgent care yesterday afternoon because ya girl has apparently been walking around with bronchitis for two weeks now. I’m on medicine, and I’ve been resting/editing this all day, but I could not for the life of me get this thing finished yesterday. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! It is literally porn with plot. P.S. - bearded Frank makes me go absolutely FERAL, and the gif I chose for today's fic makes me even MORE FERAL!!!!!!

Request: if requests are open, do you think you could write about Pete/ Frank still works at the construction site and reader is his girlfriend and she visits him for lunch at the construction site and the guys are astonished and you can come up with the rest if you would like.

Word Count: 4.6k

Summary: When Frank’s coworkers notice you a little too much after you bring him his forgotten lunch, you want to remind him that he’s the only man for you, but Frank’s a generous lover, and you’re not leaving the truck until he’s made you come at least three times.

(Warnings: oh boy, smut, SMUT, did I mention smut??, porn with plot, v fingering, hand job sort of??, oral (fem receiving), p in v, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, creampie lol, truck sex, soooo much kissing, protective Frank, you save the horse and ride the cowboy – know what I mean??, Frank talks you through it!!!!!, mentions of oral (male receiving), Frank is a consent king, Frank will be damned if anything bad happens to his baby girl!!!)

Frank eyed the clock, a nervous tick he’d developed over the last three hours as he waited for lunchtime to roll around. On any other day, lunch would’ve come and gone without a second thought from Frank, but not today. In his hurry to get to work this morning, he’d left the lunch you’d generously packed for him the night before. It was your fault, technically, but Frank was a gentleman, and gentlemen weren’t supposed to blame their girlfriends for forgotten lunches, especially when it was the incredible head you were giving him that made him late leaving this morning.

He'd gotten shit for it the minute he stepped on the site, barely getting a chance to pour his coffee before the guys were on his ass about his punch card. Frank brushed it off. It was all in good fun anyways, and he was the boss around here, so it didn’t really matter if he was late once in a blue moon. He didn’t divulge the reason for his tardiness, much more inclined to grunt a “fuck off” towards the guys and start his work for the day.

The nervousness set it when you called and told him you’d bring his lunch to him. The guys knew almost nothing about Frank’s personal life, which is what he preferred. They didn’t know anything about his past, and they certainly didn’t know about you. What he had going on before and after work hours was none of their business, you were none of their business, but that would change any minute.

“You got a hot date or something, man?” Antonio, one of the only guys Frank tolerated, asked as they moved a stack of wooden beams towards what would eventually become a master bedroom.

“What?” Frank lifted his head, narrowing his eyes at Antonio.

“You’ve checked the clock more in the last 25 minutes than I do on Friday afternoons. You expectin’ somethin’?”

Frank let out a nervous chuckle, which did little to subside Antonio’s curiosity. Instead, intense concern crossed Antonio’s face, and Frank sighed, shaking his head. His brain felt like it had been rewired, and he had no idea how to respond to Antonio’s question without causing more questions. He didn’t have a chance to respond, though, because the sound of clicking heels had caused heads to turn faster than Frank knew was possible.

Frank turned, relaxing when he spotted you. You smiled and waved, ignoring the men around you that were clearly enamored by your presence. Frank couldn’t blame them – you were beautiful – but that didn’t keep the bubble of anger from welling up inside his chest. You were his, and if he was going to make one thing clear to them today, it was that.

Frank marched up to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling your body into his chest. He pressed a sultry kiss to your lips, slipping his tongue in your mouth in his way of saying hello. When you pulled away, you were smiling, and Frank couldn’t think of anything more beautiful than that damned smile of yours.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He grinned, slightly ashamed that he’d let his jealousy get the best of him in front of the guys that worked for him. It was definitely unprofessional to make out with your significant other in the middle of an active construction site while the entirety of your team gawked at your display of affection, right?

“That’s lunch.” He called out, not taking his eyes off yours.

The guys filed out, some with smirks on their faces, others with nothing but food on their minds. Antonio was smiling when he walked past the both of you, wiggling his eyebrows at Frank. Frank rolled his eyes, trying to remind himself why he barely tolerated the kid.

“Speaking of lunch,” you smiled, eyes bright and adoring as you looked at Frank, “Where do you want to eat? I’m not sure I can handle the roof.”

You were all too aware of Frank’s frequent lunch spots. Sitting a the top of buildings that were half constructed, legs hanging over the edge, was Frank’s favorite way to spend lunch, much to your chagrin. You were terrified of heights and refused to even think about how dangerous Frank’s lunch activities were.

“You want to stay?” Frank asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Of course! As long as we’re not eating on the roof.” You pointed upwards for emphasis, shaking your head.

“I guess I could change up my lunch spot for the day.” Frank faked an exasperated sigh. “What about my truck?”

“Sounds good to me, babe.” You smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the front of what would eventually be a nice house in a nice neighborhood outside of Brooklyn. A house that Frank wished he could afford to buy for you. Hell, he’d build you a house if he could afford the land to build it on. You didn’t mind the small apartment you and Frank shared, but Frank couldn’t help the incessant desire to spoil you.

It was a brisk 35 degrees outside, and you bundled into Frank’s side as he opened the passenger side door for you. Frank hustled to the other side of the truck, quickly shutting the door behind him and starting the truck. The heat blasting from the vents was a welcome warmth, and Frank couldn’t shake the tiny sliver of guilt that sliced through him when you began blowing in your hands to warm them up. If he’d just remembered the fucking lunch box, you wouldn’t be sitting in the cold right now.

“Damn, the heat works so well in here.” You observed, holding your hands in the path of the hot air.

“One of the perks of being the boss, I guess.” Frank shrugged. The truck was a necessary purchase, especially once Frank’s work picked up, but you still weren’t used to it. You’d spent so many years taking the subway to get places that having access to a vehicle was a foreign concept to you. “I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here just to bring me lunch.”

“Don’t apologize. I like to see what you’re working on. I wish you’d let me come by more often.”

“You’d be bored. It’s just a bunch of sweaty old guys hammering nails.”

“Sounds like a wet dream to me.” You smirked, clearly joking at Frank’s expense. “I didn’t realize I’d cause such a fuss by showing up.”

Frank shrugged. “If any of them say a single word about you after lunch, I’m gonna break their jaws.”

“Frank, baby, relax.” You ran your hand up his arm. “Even if they do say something, it’s probably just because they had no idea I even existed.”

“I don’t like them knowing about you. You’re mine.”

Frank was aware that what he was saying was insane, but he never cared much about his sanity when it came to protecting the woman he loved. He’d be damned if another person was taken from him, and if that made him crazy, then so be it. Frank Castle would take crazy over mourning any day of the week.

You crept closer to Frank, shifting so that you could lean your elbow against the back of the bench seat.

“Them knowing about me doesn’t change that I’m yours, Frankie.”

Frank grunted, annoyance running through his veins. He knew you were right, but the fact that the guys were probably running their mouths about his relationship with you right now was getting on his nerves. He didn’t want you anywhere near their fucked up thoughts.

“You’re so tense, Frankie.” You mumbled, eyeing the way Frank was clenching and unclenching his fist in an irregular pattern. “Let me help you.”

This got his attention. His head swiveled around, eyebrows raised, as he looked to you for confirmation on what you’d just said. You matched his expression, unwilling to move until he consented to your idea.

“Yeah? You wanna help me?” He asked, already leaning back to make room for you to climb onto his lap.

“You could eat your lunch instead.” You mumbled, “If that’s what you want.”

Frank slowly shook his head, watching the way your throat bobbed when you swallowed.

“No.”

“You’re not hungry?” You asked, inching closer to him.

“Oh, I’m hungry.” Frank conceded, “But I’d rather have you for lunch.”

This omission sent a spark through your body, and you lurched forward, swinging your leg over his hip to straddle him. You looked down at him, enjoying the way his face already seemed more relaxed than moments before. You pressed a soft kiss on the crease of his forehead, the one that always made an appearance when he was stressing about something, and watched as it smoothed itself out.

Frank tilted his chin up, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. His hand snaked up your back, curling his fingers in your hair and gently pulling on it, which elicited the most delicious gasp he’d ever heard slip from between your lips. He decided right then and there that if that sound was the last thing he ever heard, he’d die the happiest death a man could ask for.

He slammed his lips onto yours, unable to constrain himself any longer. His hands found themselves wrapped around your waist, pulling your body flush against his. You grinded yourself against him, moaning against Frank’s lips when you felt how hard he was through his jeans. You couldn’t stop yourself from grinding against him again, letting out a devilish groan when the friction of the movement rubbed against your clit.

“Frank,” you moaned in between kisses, “touch me.”

It wasn’t just a desire to please you; it was a need. Frank was nothing if not generous, and the minute you started begging, he had already unbuttoned and unzipped your jeans, shoving his hand down the front of your pants. Frank let out a loud groan when he realized how entirely soaked through your panties were, clenching the fingers that were fiddling with the waistband of your jeans.

You pushed your hips closer to his hand, dying to feel his fingers. The panting coming from the both of you had fogged up the windows of the truck, obstructing anyone’s view into the truck. The construction site was dead anyways, but at this point, you didn’t think you cared if someone could see in. You wanted Frank so badly that you had lost your ability to care about anything besides Frank’s fingers.

“Want me to touch you, baby?” Frank cooed, “Want me to make your pretty pussy feel good?”

Frank’s breath was hot on your neck, and you nearly came from his words alone.

“I’m supposed to be making you feel good.” You moaned, grinding your hips against Frank’s fingers again. Your actions completely juxtaposed your words, but you couldn’t help yourself. Frank was just so good at making you come.

“Making you feel good makes me feel good, sweetheart.” Frank pressed the pads of his fingers against the fabric of your panties, swirling them around in an achingly slow circle. A shiver worked its way up your spine, and you threw your head back, gasping with pleasure.

“Are you sure?” You panted, unsure if you could stand being clothed for another second.

Frank responded by swiping your underwear aside and running two fingers between the folds of your pussy. When his fingers finally covered your clit, you let out an agonizing moan. Frank resumed circling his fingers around your clit, but his pace was more urgent, like he wanted to see you get off on his fingers just as much as you wanted to come all over his hand.

Your legs began to shake, and you wrapped your arms around Frank’s neck, pulling him into a feverish kiss. His tongue dipped into your mouth, and you began to grind against his fingers in a rhythm that matched the pace of his hand. It was a flurry of passionate kisses and sinful moans as you came apart on Frank’s hand. You breathed through the orgasm as it crashed through you, slumping against Frank’s shoulder in exhaustion.

“My beautiful, beautiful girl,” Frank pulled his hand away from your clit, wrapping his arms around you and flipping you over so that your back lied against the front seat of the truck, “You did so good.”

Frank hovered over you, pressing a soft kiss onto your nose before gently capturing your lips with his. You were still reeling from your orgasm, content to stay in this position forever, when Frank suddenly sat up. You blinked up at him, wondering if maybe his lunch was already over, but the way he began to pull your jeans down your hips told you he was nowhere near done with you.

You kicked your jeans and panties off, pussy clenching around nothing as the air hit your wet core. You spread your legs further, giving Frank a view of how easily he’d ruined you.

“Fuck baby,” Frank groaned, rubbing his thumb through the slickness that had begun running down your inner thighs, “This is the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”

You moaned when he began playing with your clit again, overstimulated but too turned on to stop him.

“Can I taste you?” Frank asked, fully focused on how wet you were. His eyes were glazed over, pupils dilated with desire.

“You’re being too generous.” You sat up, resting on your elbows as he finally locked eyes with you.

“I want to.” He shrugged, already positioning his face near your core. He threw your legs over his shoulders and rested his hands on your stomach, glancing up at you to make sure he had your consent. You spread your legs wider, nodding.

“I need words, baby. Can I taste you?”

Frank’s hot breath coasted over your pussy as he spoke, and the dull throb of desire erupted into a full blown ache.

“Yes, God, please.” You whined.

When his tongue finally met your core, you threw your head back and moaned so loud you were sure the entire neighborhood heard it. Frank was astonishingly graceful at eating pussy, approaching it like it was a dance between his tongue and your clit. He knew exactly when to be gentle, when to roughen it up, and when you were seconds away from coming all over his tongue, he knew exactly how to suck on your clit so that you saw stars for hours afterwards.

Frank normally liked to take his time with this, coaxing multiple small orgasms out of you before finally letting you fall apart around his mouth, but today he was on a time crunch, and he wanted to make you come around his cock before his lunch break was over, too. So instead of going slow and steady, Frank dined on your pussy like a man starved. He circled your clit with the tip of his tongue, licking and sucking all throughout your core as you came closer and closer to your orgasm. He teased your entrance with his tongue, coasting over it every time he flattened his tongue against your folds.

“Oh shit, Frank.” You groaned, arching your back.

He hummed against your pussy, which had your legs shaking so aggressively that he had to clamp his hands over them to keep them from sliding off his shoulders. You were so close, and Frank knew it. He smirked against your core, trailing his tongue around your clit before slightly sucking. Your body felt like it was on fire, and when the crux of your orgasm finally hit you, you couldn’t stop yourself from squeezing your legs into the sides of Frank’s head. You could feel your heart pounding against your ribs, and no matter how deeply you inhaled, you couldn’t quite catch your breath. The world around you faded, and the only thing you could focus on was the feeling of Frank’s hands gently caressing your thighs.

Frank crawled up your body, hovering over you as you came back to yourself. You hadn’t expected to come that hard, especially not in a cramped space like Frank’s car, but he always managed to surprise you.

You swallowed thickly, blinking up at his swollen and slick lips. He was always beautiful, you thought, but right now, you’d never seen anything as beautiful as him covered in your wetness. You leaned upwards, kissing him with every ounce of yourself that you could. The taste of you was still fresh on his tongue, and he groaned when you swiped your tongue against his, grinding against your unclothed pussy with his denim jeans.

The friction was overstimulating, but you wanted him deep inside you so badly that you began meeting his hips halfway, grinding against him so heavily that you were sure he’d have stains on the front of his jeans later. He shifted his weight onto one arm, reaching down and unbuckling his belt with one had. He was moving at a languid pace, and you couldn’t stop yourself from knocking his hand out of the way and unbuttoning his jeans. He chuckled when you undid his zipper in record time, forcing his jeans and underwear halfway down his thighs.

“Someone’s eager to feel my cock, huh?” Frank cooed, brushing his nose against yours, “You want me to fuck you silly, sweetheart?”

You wrapped your hand around his achingly hard cock, pumping up and down as he teased you. The tip was already wet, drops of precum beading at the head.

“Can I ride you?” You asked, pushing his shoulders slightly.

He raised his eyebrows at your boldness. You were usually so eager to let him control the situation, but the look in your eyes when you spoke told a different story. You wanted to make him feel good, and you weren’t planning on letting him leave until that happened.

“Sometimes,” you started, sitting up and pushing Frank down into the seat underneath you, “I want to be the one to fuck you silly.”

You straddled Frank and lined him up with your entrance. You were not going to waste any more of his break not fucking him. Frank let out a stuttering moan as you lowered yourself onto him. When you were finally full of him, stretched out and pliant, you panted at the overwhelming feeling. No matter how many times Frank fucked you, it always took you a few moments to adjust to his size.

“Fuck, sweetheart.” Frank leaned his head against the headrest, grabbing onto your hips in a brutal hold that you knew would bruise later.

You slowly began to rock against him, holding onto the seat behind him for leverage. You moaned when his cock pushed against the spot deep within you that drove you crazy, and couldn’t help the way your breath stuttered out of you. Frank angled his face towards yours, watching in awe as you panted over him, licking your lips and squeezing your eyes closed. He leaned toward you, nipping your jaw with his teeth in a teasing gesture. You ground down on him even harder, and he chuckled.

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart.” Frank hummed, running his nose along the curve of your cheekbone. “Your pretty pussy drives me crazy sometimes.”

“Yeah?” You mumbled, picking up your rhythm as you grinded against him. You yelped when you felt his arm wrap around your waist, bucking up into you so hard that you swore you saw stars.

“Can’t think about anything else some days.” Frank nuzzled his cheek against yours, tightening his hold around you. “You’re fucking perfect, baby.”

You mewled at his praise, even though you had made it clear that you wanted to be the one making him feel good, not the other way around. You couldn’t help but mewl. He always knew what to say to make your chest warm and fuzzy, even when he was fucking up into you so hard that you knew you wouldn’t be able to walk straight for a week.

“C’mon baby girl,” Frank’s tone was low and delicious, and the tingle that worked its way up your spine told you exactly how much you liked the sound of it, “Give me one more, baby.”

“Frank, I-” You let out a guttural moan when you felt his fingers tracing a circle around your clit. Your legs began to shake again, and you knew you were seconds away from coming again. “I’m supposed to be making you feel good.” You finally panted, quickening your pace as you grinded against his cock and fingers.

“I want you to come on my cock, sweetheart.” Frank smirked as you squeezed around him, “That will make me feel good, baby. Can you do that for me, baby girl? Hmm? I know you can. Make me feel good, sweet girl. Come on my cock.”

Frank was talking you through it, and you could not fathom how incredibly hot it was. The intensity at which your orgasm hit you was earth-shattering, and if the neighborhood hadn’t heard you earlier, they certainly heard you this time. You rocked against Frank, whining and panting and doing everything in your power not to fall apart completely before he could reach his high as well.

“My good girl,” Frank wrapped both arms around your waist, pulling your chest against his so that he could kiss you all over your face, “You did so good, sweetheart.”

His praise made you whine, and you couldn’t stop yourself from slamming your lips into his, quickening your pace as you grinded against him. It was overstimulating, sure, but you couldn’t think of anything you wanted more than Frank coming deep inside you.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Frank mumbled against your lips, tightening his arms around you, “’m gonna come.”

“Come in me,” you panted, squeezing around his cock.

“Yeah, baby? Want me to fill you up?” Frank was breathing so heavy against your ear that goosebumps littered down your back and shoulders. You dug your nails into his shoulders as he pounded up into you, and when he finally came, warm spurts of come coating your walls, you both slumped against each other, worn out and sweaty.

Frank’s heart was pounding in his chest, and you subconsciously tapped your finger against his neck in the same rhythm until it finally calmed down. You leaned back, glancing over Frank’s features. His eyes were closed, chin tilted upwards in a relaxed, casual position. The stress creases in his face were long gone, and he looked a decade younger than he did when you’d shown up earlier.

“Wish we could stay like this.” He mumbled, running his fingers along your thighs.

“Me too, Frankie.” You nodded, cupping his cheeks in your hands, and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “How much time until you have to go back?”

Frank slightly opened one of his eyes, checking the clock on the dash before closing it again. “Just enough time to drop you off at home and come back. The guys will appreciate the extended lunch.”

You shook your head. “I can get an uber or take the subway, Frank. You don’t have to drive me.”

“What kind of man would I be if I didn’t drive my beautiful girlfriend home after she came all the way here to bring me lunch and make me feel good?”

“A normal one.” You snorted, rolling your eyes.

“Well then I guess I ain’t normal.” Frank smiled, leaning in to kiss you before tapping your thigh with his hand. “I hate to say it, but I can’t drive with you straddlin’ me like this.”

You lifted yourself off him, rolling over into the passenger seat. Your limbs still buzzed with pleasure, and it took you longer than you care to admit to find your panties and put them back on. You were pulling your jeans over your hips when Frank began to roll the windows down and wipe the windshield off. You and him had emitted enough fog that it was impossible to see out of any of the windows, let alone drive.

When the windows were finally cleared and Frank had texted Antonio to let him know he’d be a few minutes late getting back from lunch (Antonio’s only response was the winking emoji), Frank drove you back to the apartment you shared with him. He walked you to the door, kissed you goodbye, turned, then turned back to kiss you again.

“I left your lunch on the passenger seat, okay? It should still be warm with how hot the truck was earlier.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Frank grinned, pulling you in for a third goodbye kiss.

You finally pushed him off you, chuckling when he tried to chase your lips with his.

“Go to work, Frank. I’ll see you tonight.” You laughed as he rolled his eyes, giving you a final kiss before turning and jogging back to the truck. When you closed the door and locked it, you slumped towards the bedroom, the only thing on your mind being the nap you were about to take.

Frank ate his lunch on the drive back to the construction site, nearly getting choked up when he realized you had gotten him Lombardi’s pizza. You knew how much he loved it, and he vowed to show you how grateful he was when he returned home. When he made it back to the site, he was only half an hour late, but that didn’t stop the guys from joking with him about it.

“Twice in one day, boss? She worth it?”

“Must be. He doesn’t look half as grumpy as he usually does.”

Frank rolled his eyes, counting to ten as a way to manage his anger before outwardly responding.

“If any of you fuckers have anything else to say about her, I’ll bash your heads in with the sledgehammer. Got it?”

Frank glanced at the faces around him. So much for managing his anger. Antonio was the only one that didn’t look utterly terrified as they returned to work.

“So, boss.” Antonio started, smirking as he leaned against one of the structural beams.

“Don’t you start.” Frank pointed at him for emphasis, warning the kid away from any topics he may regret bringing up. He really wasn’t a bad kid, and he was one of the hardest workers Frank had encountered in the business, but he did not want to discuss his love life with his 22 year old employee.

“I was just going to ask how much plaster you think we’ll need for the bathroom.” Antonio pointed behind him with his thumb, gesturing towards the space that would soon be an ensuite.

“Sure you were.” Frank couldn’t wait to end the day and crawl into your loving arms, but he had a shit ton of work to do before then, and he would always be the last one on site for the evening.

Later that evening, after he’d finally trudged through the door, showered, and ravished you, you were caressing his chest as he pressed a kiss to your hair.

“So,” you murmured, “D’ya break any jaws after I left?”

“You’ll be happy to know that I didn’t break any jaws after you left.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him.

“What?” He asked.

“You mean to tell me that you didn’t lose your shit on anyone after I left today?”

“No,” he shook his head, “that’s not what I said. I definitely lost my shit, but I didn’t break anyone’s jaw.”

“Oh, that’s good.” You mumbled sarcastically, rolling your eyes and chuckling.

You nuzzled into his chest, relaxing as he enveloped you with warmth.

“I love you, sweet girl. I’m not ashamed of that. Hell, I’ll shout it from the rooftop if you want me to. I just don’t like people knowing my business. I want to keep you safe.”

“I know, Frankie. I’m not upset about it. I love you too.”

“You promise?”

“That I love you?” You smirked against his chest.

“No, smart ass. That you’re not upset.”

“I promise.” You grinned as he pressed a kiss into your hair.

Tag List:

@xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @kokoterainonago666 @blackwidownat2814 @mymamalife @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @messymissy @mylifeispainandiloveit @mossexe @fightmilk @spikedhe4rt @fictional-hooman @merleisapartygod @babyslyth @legocity2 @quackson03 @certifiedhunter @deliciousfestsalad @dumb-fawkin-bitch @americaarse @thatgirljayy @hiyabyeyababy @theesexystallion @scoliobean @myguiltypleasures21 @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen @trulylavandedarling @D0wnbad @lilyevans1 @imagineadream @22carolina08 @definitelynotsugar @casualchaoticdevil @peachy-flxwr @nashja @megmastersgf

[eggluverz]

hello!! would like to request a modern au with blade, where he’s a idol and due to him being busy with work, he didn’t have the time to visit/spend time with the reader (can be gn! or fem!). hence, he took it upon himself to surprise his s/o

bonus points if they are in a secret relationship and let’s say the reader works as a barista, so imagine the chaos the cafe will be if they see idol! blade having a lover SHSHDHDH

take ur time to write it hehe :3

— EVERYTHING I NEED

In which you’re feeling down about not seeing your boyfriend in a few months and Blade takes time out of his busy tour schedule to surprise you.

PAIRING. idol!blade x barista!reader

WORD COUNT. 1780

GENRE. modern au, idol au, fluff

NOTE. thank u for the request !! <3 i chose gn reader btw :) this was soooo much fun to write ٩( ᐛ )و i enjoyed this sm but warning it’s so very cheesy heh if u don’t like fluffy romcom cringe look away :3 hope y’all like it xx sof

It wasn’t always easy having a long distance boyfriends of sorts. A busy long-distance boyfriend who you sometimes didn’t see in person for months on end. 

You knew he was busy, but you also knew he dedicated most of his free time talking to you. The relationship was important to the both of you— There was no doubt in your mind about that. Still, there were times the sadness and loneliness crept in. 

Today was one of those days. 

It wasn’t a “special” day as one would say. It wasn’t your birthday. It wasn’t Blade’s birthday. And it wasn’t even an anniversary. But still, you missed him so much. 

You had gone months without seeing him. Your only solace was knowing Blade has gone just as long without seeing you and missed you just as much. He has been in and out of the recording studio whenever he had time in between performances, which limited your ability to call or even text each other even more. 

You were aware the life of an idol could get hectic at times, you knew that well before the two of you started dating. But at times, it took more of a toll on you than you would expect. 

“What’s gotten you so down in the dumps?” The voice took you out of your negative thoughts.

You turned to look at your close friend and coworker, Serval. You sighed, thankful afternoon rush hour had just died down so only few customers were at the coffee shop. “Nothing, really. Just missing Blade.”

She patted your back sympathetically. “I can only imagine. It’s hard enough barely seeing my brother because of military service.”

“How is Gepard, by the way? I haven’t seen him in ages!” 

“He’s coming back for a bit next month! We’re having a little party if you want to come,” said Serval excitedly. “But back to you and Blade. When is the last time you saw him?” 

“Over two months,” you said with a pout. You knew some people in long distance relationships would view that as nothing— Some would even be grateful that a month of not seeing their partner was a long time. But that wasn’t you and you felt yourself growing more dejected each day. “We haven’t even video chatted or called for longer than ten minutes in the last few weeks.” You tried to look on the bright side. “But at least I know he’s doing what he loves. I just hope management isn’t pushing him too hard.” 

“That’s a big ask for money-hungry corporations,” Serval said dryly. “Poor boy is definitely overworked. Have you seen their back to back show dates? It’s all over social media. I’m sure he’s using any possible moment he can to spend time with you without being too obvious and letting the press know about your relationship.” 

You nodded, trying to cheer yourself up the moment you saw a group of customers walk in. It was the end of work hours for most office workers around here so you mentally prepared yourself to give your best customer service smile. “I know he is doing his best. I just get sad about it sometimes, but I know it’s all worth it.”

“There you go.” She smiled. “And you’ll see him in no time, I’m positive. But for now, get ready for the evening rush!”

“One step ahead of you,” you sang, already at the cash register prepared to take the orders. 

As you greeted the hoard of customers and helped your coworkers make drinks if they needed extra hands, you realized the rush lasted longer than normal. 

“Is today international coffee day or something?” you asked as you passed by Serval. “It’s crazy busy right now.”

She shrugged, placing two drinks down at the ready table. “Not that I’m aware of. But this has been more than a rush hour. The sun isn’t even out anymore.”

“And people are coming in without buying anything or sitting down?” 

As you wondered what was going on, you heard a loud, high-pitched scream coming from outside. The sound was followed by more and more squeals of excitement. 

You and Serval looked at each other. 

“Speak of the devil,” she said, shaking her head with a grin. “What a grand entrance.”

All reason left your mind as you were filled with hope and joy. You looked back at Serval, asking for permission to leave the cash register. 

“Go,” Serval laughed. “I’ll cover the rest of your shift.” 

“Thank you! I love you!”

With a big smile on your face, you rushed out of the coffee shop and pushed through the crowd outside. Standing tall above the group of fans, Blade stood there with black sunglasses and a face mask— A poor disguise that did little to nothing to protect his identity. 

You lifted your hand up and waved from the back of the crowd, unsure if he would even be able to spot you amidst all the people. You wondered, even, if you should acknowledge him like this in public. You knew the press was crazy and the fans could be even crazier. Blade’s manager thought it was for the best he keep your relationship away from public eye. 

But he was right here. And you didn’t want to wait another second before running up to him and giving him the biggest hug. Still, you refrained. 

You did not want to jeopardize his image, no matter how much you wanted to give him a kiss right now.

Blade looked around the crowd before his gaze landed in your general direction. He lifted his shades to expose his captivatingly red eyes. When he saw you, he gave you a crooked smile. 

“There you are,” he called, his deep voice rumbling over the muffled chatter of his fans. “It’s been too long.”

He maneuvered through the crowd, ignoring all the photos his fans were taking of him. The only thing Blade was paying attention to was you. Not caring you were in front of a large crowd, Blade immediately takes you into his arms. Time stops as you feel yourself melt into his embrace. The scent of his expensive cologne filled your senses, your face warm as it laid flushed against his chest. 

“I missed you,” he murmured into your hair. 

“I missed you, too,” you said. “But when did you get here? I thought you were in another continent? And are we allowed to be like this in public?” 

As happy as you were to be with him, you didn’t want to get him in any sort of trouble with his management company. 

“I got here just a few hours ago.” Blade rubbed slow circles on your back, not releasing you from his embrace. “I have a show in two days but I needed to see you. And, yeah, I might get in trouble by management but who cares?” 

You pulled back urgently, looking up at him in concern. “You should care! I don’t want you to put your career in danger.” 

Blade frowned and closed to distance between the two of you once more. “Management has worked me to the bone for years, if they want me to keep working for them, then they’ll have to put up with this being public. I’m tired of hiding you.” 

Your arms wrapped around him, a small giggle escaping your lips at how ridiculous this must have looked to the public. You didn’t like being in a secret relationship either. You knew it was for his work, but when you happened to watch his interviews and had to hear him lie and say he was single, it hurt your heart, just a little. 

“Besides, at this point in my career, I’m sure they need me more than I need them,” he said with a cocky look on his face. Even with his mouth and nose covered by the mask, you could see it in the crinkle of his eyes. 

“That’s my Bladie,” you teased, running your fingers through his tangled hair. “Mr. Popular and you know it.” 

“And I also know I want to be alone with you right now,” Blade said with a smirk. “Is your shift almost over? Let’s go back home once it ends.” 

“Serval said she’ll cover the rest of my shift for me. We can go home now.” 

“Thank you, Serval,” he said happily. Blade held your hand as he lead you to his car. “I might have to drive a little fast to lose the fans that’ll inevitably try to follow us. Is that okay?”

You noted his mischievous smile and laughed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the thought of escaping them excites you.” 

“I’m a simple man.” He opened the passenger door for you and gave you a small slap on the ass as you crawled in. “Buckle up, baby.”

“I can’t believe you did that with everyone watching!” you cried as he gently shut the door. You shook your head even though you knew he couldn’t see it. “It’s a good thing I love you.” 

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

When you woke up the next morning, your phone was filled with texts from your friends. You opened Serval’s first. 

Serval: LOL guess who’s famous now

Serval: #CoffeeShopASScape #BladieOnTheLoose ... all the trending hashtags are about you and Blade

Serval: I wish you luck LMAO

You stifled a laugh, only mildly concerned about what people had to say. As you shuffled around on the bed, Blade stirred awake. He inched closer to you and lazily draped his arm around your waist. 

“G’morning,” he mumbled. 

“Good morning,” you greeted, kissing his forehead. “Blade… Have you checked your phone yet?” 

“Yeah, when I woke up an hour ago. My manager let me know just how much chaos I caused over voicemail. Then I decided to go back to sleep with you and deal with it later,” he said simply. 

“Blade!” 

He noticed the furrowed crinkle between your brows and he rubbed it away with his thumb. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll get it all sorted out eventually. All that matters is I’m here with you right now.” 

“You’re right. Let’s enjoy this before you have to go back on tour,” you said, placing your phone on your nightstand and ignoring the notifications lighting up your phone. “And if damage control is too hard to deal with, know that I’m always here for you. I’ll answer your call even if it’s in the middle of the night here.” 

Blade cupped your face and softly kissed your lips. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

“I ask myself the same thing,” you said with a smile. “Now, wanna get some coffee?”

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 11 (Part 1 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; mutual pining; crying + feelings of sadness; arguing; heart issues addressed (POTs); use of heart monitors; revisited, vivid memories of sexual encounters; JEALOUSYYY; body changes as a result of pregnancy; negative self-talk (that, off and on, turns positive); talks of baby + pregnancy; pregnancy hormones (+ acting on them hehe); reader and jake are both STUBBORN (as always); cheating; heavy petting; oral sex m!receiving; forgetfulness; vivid imaginings of sex; talks of EMDR + the possibility of revisiting dark places; jake being the best, most helpful baby daddy there ever was (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 11 (Part 1) Word Count: 23.3k+

a/n: sorry for the looooong ass wait. same old, same old. life is busy. (also, @joshym and i did go to our first three greta shows on THIS leg and almost died, too - soooo that got in the way lmao.)

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits <3

and biiiigg thank you to @gretavangroupie for being the dopest proofreader + catching my little, dumb mistakes lmao <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

"...covetousness, looking more at what we would have than at what we have..."

-Joseph Hall

-🌼🌼🌼-

Chapter 11:

Monday

December 5th, 2022

Staring at the ceiling seemed like the best possible option. No rush to your morning or day. Class had been canceled due to a pipe bursting in the building it was held in. And after seeing that in your notifications, you’d also had a text from Gia – telling you she had to cancel your therapy session again, still recovering from the after-effects of Covid. You couldn’t be mad at her, but admittedly, it’d made your heart fall. 

And to make your morning even better, when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by the sound of Jake and Maya. The most lovely way to wake up. 

All you could hear through your door were two little fucking lovebirds out in the living room and kitchen area. . . The sound from the box fan you’d decided to keep next to your bed was your best companion in your bubble of endless sulking at Jake and Maya. 

The ceiling fan above you was great entertainment as it rotated on a perfect pattern, seemingly in slow motion. And the box fan was hitting your face with the coolest, most refreshing air flow. Offered some sort of relief, at least. 

In a moment that threatened to make you feel real sad, you felt the slightest bit free by the fans and their fresh air and consistent patterns. The serenity that rolled from them was your only saving grace. 

Today was going to be a long day. There was nothing to do. 

But, on a wild hair (and after a particularly grating laugh from Maya), you decided to text Theo and ask if he wanted to make up for yesterday's missed study session today. You didn’t know why you did it, but you did. And his text agreeing to it was instantaneous. 

Theo, 8:34 a.m.: I would love that! Does 4:00 work for you? I have to work until 3:00 :(

You took your time responding and texted back lazily, not really wanting to do anything with him, but desperately wanting to get Jake out of your mind. 

You, 8:37 a.m.: Sure! Sounds good. 

This lovely day had already started with a drag. On top of Jake and Maya talking and giggling like teenagers through your door, the sky was gray outside your window, rain having poured all night long. A light drizzle was still hitting your window. 

Your stomach rolled at the new smells of breakfast coming from the kitchen, Jake and Maya eating breakfast at your house after their fun night you’d been privy to through the walls. 

The dreary cloudiness of the December day was offset by Maya’s squeaky laughs. It kept happening – she kept laughing her ass off at him. The Jake you knew could be funny from time to time, yes, but he wasn’t a comedic genius by any means. He really wasn’t that funny. 

But, you’d learned she was adamant at being a good little textbook girlfriend. And it had become absolutely exhausting for you to experience — especially while you continued to carry her boyfriend’s baby.

Your mind got stuck in a thought when you came back to that. . . One little thing that had been bugging you, coming to your mind everyday since Maya had found out.

How in the fuck was she so okay with it? Her boyfriend living in the same house as a girl who was pregnant with his baby? How was she being so damn cool about it? 

You grumbled much louder than necessary as you yanked the charger from your phone to check your Ovia app. The photo of what the baby looked like this week was the first thing you saw. You imagined what it looked like right this second. . . . You also wondered when you’d start to feel him or her move – to your surprise you weren’t really stressed that you hadn’t felt it yet. Based on your last doctor visit, you knew the baby was completely healthy and you were feeling much better than you had been a couple weeks ago. You were trying to be logical. 

What you did let your mind wander to was what the baby was bound to look like. It was a normal thought process. Would it be a boy or girl? You didn’t even want to guess. Would it have Jake’s eyes and bright smile? You still hoped so – those continued to be the features you desired most of all. 

Even though he was not at the top of your happy list right now, you wanted him to share in this with you. It was a conundrum. And, you couldn’t deny that his gesture last night had been so incredibly sweet—the personalized cup he’d left for you, full of iced water. 

But, as soon as you went that route, your mind flicked to what hadn’t been so sweet. The not-so-sweet things your ears had been witness to right after he’d dropped the cup off at your door. 

Your moment in the kitchen, nothing but an afterthought as soon as he’d gotten to his bedroom to find his goddess of a girlfriend waiting for him. He’d claimed to want you so badly in the kitchen, only to move right on from you to her.

But you weren’t an idiot. You knew he wasn’t yours like he was Maya’s. Although, it didn’t stop your heart from tearing in your chest as you listened to him fuck the girl he truly belonged to through the walls. 

Simply put: you were just done witnessing their sex life. Done with it. 

It was disheartening and made you feel insecure and sad in ways you really didn’t need to feel. 

Your hand found your belly as you tried to get onto a happier train of thought. You read through all of your baby’s fun facts for Week 15. And, rubbing at the bare skin under your giant sleep shirt, you briefly wondered what Jake’s hands would feel like on your bare belly. Your belly, rounder every day with the baby you shared. 

You felt your hormones hype up, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes at how much of a jumbled mess your life was. 

And, while the predicament could’ve been blamed on you for breaking things off. . . You’d known, way back in August, that he was most likely bound to leave you for her. That day you’d picked him up from her house, their seamless connection had been obvious. 

What was strange was every now and then, you heard these faint words from a memory in the back of your mind. His voice. His words. And it was always him arguing it – arguing the validity of him and Maya. 

But the entire situation wouldn’t come back to you. So, you’d resolved that the words had been in a dream. They felt more like a dream. . . One you couldn’t reach back to. His stern voice telling you how wrong your assumptions were, a wavy non-memory. . . .

Though you still believed that no matter the case, whether you’d broken it off in August or waited until later, things would have turned out the same. Everything that happened was meant to happen. You’d still be pregnant and Maya would still be around. 

There was no escaping the fact that Maya was going to be around. One way or another. Around and taking away the possibility for you and Jake to ever be together again. Not that he needed that. You weren’t good for him. You’d had your solid reasons for cutting things off. 

But. . . why did those reasons seem to get hazier everyday? They were harder to place as the days went by.

You sighed deeply, deciding to focus on what else was real. . . The other things in the now that made you feel good. There was no reason to have any of that clouding your mind, to make you feel even worse than you already did. 

Getting up, you made the bed and afterwards went to undress. Get ready for the day. But, as soon as you’d stripped your shirt and were standing naked in your panties, your heart sank. You heard something through the door that you really didn’t want to fucking hear.  

“Your body looks so perfect in that, My,” Jake’s voice came through the door, sounding astonished. The cat call he made at her right after made a weight fall to the tresses of your tummy. “You are so beautiful. So damn pretty.”

And when your eyes caught sight of your bigger body— reflecting back at you through the mirror. . . . 

The tears that leaked from your eyes were expected, your heart hung so heavy in your hollow chest. Words he’d just spoken to you not so long ago as you’d worked to rid yourself of stretch marks (your creams and oils working wonders, by the way, thank god). 

“Beautiful,” he’d firmly stated while his eyes locked with yours in the mirror, just as he’d said the word. “This is beautiful. You are beautiful.”

You’d felt reassured by his words and pep talk that evening. . . It was stupid how his words had helped your mind to clear some darkness. It was stupid because obviously those words weren’t special for you. He’d say the same words to her in a heartbeat. You weren’t special.

And, no matter what he said about it not being because of the baby, it was true that he’d started being (more) attentive after finding out. The attentiveness had started almost as soon as he’d known about the baby. So, surely the words he’d said were just to perk your sad, pregnant feelings. 

He was great at being attentive. You’d learned from past experience that he was like that if you were in any sort of relationship with him, too. And Maya was in more of a relationship with him than you fucking were right now, so . . . . of course he was bound to say that shit to her.

Her obvious, natural beauty being highlighted by him any chance he got was the opposite of what you needed to hear. You knew how pretty she was. Anyone with two eyes could tell; she was built so perfectly, her face was symmetrical as could be. . . And her smile, wide and shining, with the straightest teeth. He was dating Aphrodite herself (with more voluptuous curves than Aphrodite, even) and he’d be a fool to not state the truth. 

And you. . . well, you were not built as well at the present time. And you were aware you’d hadn’t been built as well as her before the baby either. Her appearance had filled you with insecurities even then — and would continue to do so. 

Jake could talk you up as much as he wanted. But you knew it wasn’t completely genuine and was just because he felt obligated. 

You looked back to the mirror, watching to see the way your body looked as you turned to see the plump curve of your ass. Turning fully around, your hair flowed behind your shoulder as you eyed your backside. The world would never know if you were pregnant if they saw you from the back. . . You hadn’t even realized how normal the back of you still looked. All that had changed was your ass was slightly more plush with the baby weight. But, that wasn’t a bad thing. 

The longer you looked at your backside, looking like your normal, used-to-be body. . . You realized how empty you felt to look at a version of you without your baby. 

You kept your eyes trained on your body in the mirror as you spun back around on your heel to observe your front. Placing both hands on the tummy you had, your baby tucked safe as could be inside of you, you observed yourself. 

There was no denying you were bloated while Maya was perfectly fit — her boobs and ass perky while yours weren’t as much so . . .

No, your whole body was changing to accommodate the little life you were growing. But. . . as you looked at yourself in the mirror, you were finding you were really okay with it. You rubbed your hands smoothly over your ever-growing stomach, tracing shapes on the smooth skin of your (now) stretch-mark-less tummy. 

Your belly was growing. . . constantly. You knew that over time, it would continue to crowd you tighter and tighter in every space you occupied. 

But. . . You were okay with that. All it meant was that the baby continued to grow and that was what mattered. . . It didn’t matter that you didn’t look like Maya. 

But, it didn’t change one thing you knew you couldn’t grow to appreciate like you had your body. You weren’t sure you’d ever be okay that Jake was with Maya. . . And that made it all feel so much worse. Because, no matter how hard you tried, you knew you’d still subconsciously compare yourself to her because of his relationship with her. 

And the sounds through the walls, both cutesy conversation and sex. . . The displays at the kitchen counter. . . It got you in your head. Because Jake. Jake was in your head. Always.

It made perfect sense that he wanted to constantly be intimate with her. They were dating. She was hot. He was more than hot. 

You grumbled, squeezing your eyelids shut to ignore the image of them fucking — it mocked you behind your eyes. Then, there they were again at the kitchen island. Jake with his head thrown back in pleasure, with Maya on her knees in front of him. . . her perfectly manicured, white pearl acrylics clutching his shirt. 

You didn’t even want to think about the scratches those nails had made on the tanned skin of his back. How she probably marked his back with her pristine, almond-shaped nails. . . 

Crazy. You were going to go crazy.

Because while you could fully understand why she’d wanted to fuck him constantly (you’d been there – still were there), you hated witnessing it in any way. Why did it have to be right next to you? Or in front of you at the kitchen counter? How in the fuck could you rid yourself of that?

Then, it dawned on you as you changed into a comfier bra. . . 

There were rules. There were apartment rules. There’d been no conversation about taking those away. Whatever happened during those months in the summer between you two was exempt. You’d been involved with each other. But now things were back to the way they’d started. No romance (just confusing, minor incidents, really). You were back to being two roommates. . . with a baby.

Those rules you’d rambled off to him in the living room all those months ago hadn’t just evaporated. And Maya. . . she wasn’t the one blatantly disrespecting the rules that had been set for so long. Jake was doing that – not Maya. She didn’t know about them. But Jake sure as hell did. You were sure they were still posted on the kitchen fridge, under schedules and shit. Right under his nose and he didn’t even fucking care. And he wasn’t following them worth shit. 

Technically, those still stood. . . right? Had to. A baby made between you two didn’t eliminate them. It actually made you feel more validated since you carried his baby now. You were the one literally living everyday as a pregnant woman for his baby. . . The least he could do was not fuck his stupid ass girlfriend on the kitchen counter. Or right next door. 

And, in no time, Maya was sitting at the back of your mind. Didn’t care about her. She didn’t matter right now. No, it was Jake who was making you so mad you couldn’t see straight. . . What the fuck was his problem?

-🌼🌼🌼-

Later in the day, after allowing yourself a little nap after a nice long shower, you got ready for your study sesh with Theo.

You took extra time on your hair and makeup — decided you wanted to look good. Focus on something – someone else. You were desperate to get your mind off of Jake.

Truth be told, you’d accelerated at hyperspeed to a raging emotion since you’d undressed and stood in your room, being forced to listen to him go on about how beautiful his girlfriend was. 

And, it just got worse as you had to wait far too long to hear little giggles and goodbyes fade out of the apartment. Finally, at Maya’s departure around 9:30, Jake’s door had closed . . . 

By that point, you’d had plenty of time to stew and ponder. You’d pondered multiple ways Jake was pissing you the fuck off. . . Some, very valid. . . others, not even close (you were hormonal, okay?!). You’d piled on more reasons in the shower to be irate with him, too, aggressively shampooing your scalp. 

You had to admit, riding a wave of emotion over Jake that didn’t leave you in a mess of tears was actually pretty fun. . . 

You’d let your mind wander down aimless paths. By the time you were getting dressed and ready for studying, you were fuming. So much frustration with him. And right now? Jake’s selfish, crude behavior had your full attention. . . 

Admittedly, you knew nearly everything you were feeling was thanks to a surge in pregnancy hormones. Those super-human hormones were making you see only red at the thought of him. And, ridiculously, you didn’t try to tame your thoughts. No, you decided to just ride. Wanted to ride the winding rollercoaster of emotion for as long as you could. It felt good to just be angry with him. 

Was that a pregnant woman thing? Did it make you a bad person? 

. . . Because, well, even if it did make you a bad person, you didn’t care.

But. . . As you finished your light mauve lipliner, layering on chapstick, you realized maybe you should care. Not for Jake’s sake. For the baby’s sake, you didn’t want to put any unnecessary stress on the sweet love growing in your tummy. 

So, you’d devised your plan. A plan to get your mind off Jake. Something to maybe piss him off a little. God only knew how he’d pissed you off time and again. He needed a taste.

You just needed a solid distraction. And what better distraction than another man to prove to Jake that you could play at a game. 

Just because you were pregnant didn’t mean you couldn’t do as he did. . . You know. . . .mess around like him. How he performed his little stunts for God and everybody to see and hear. . . Would he be okay with it if you did the same? It seemed like an interesting experiment.

The spiral of negative emotion towards him had started with how selfish he was being with the apartment rules. Because, yes you were just sick and tired of Jake and Maya flaunting their shit. That was the root of it. And when your mind had wandered just far enough to retaliate. . . you’d decided to push in to the urge. 

You wanted your own thing to show off. . . Your own person to be obnoxious and publicly affectionate with you. And you had the perfect person in mind. . . someone who’d shown interest time after time. . . Going all the way back to sophomore year of high school. The very same person who was about to spend the next few hours with you to study.

Though, you couldn’t help but wonder. . . Even with how interested he’d been before, would he mind your pregnancy? 

You figured to test it; there was no use in trying to hide your round belly from your (admittedly cute) study buddy. Hopefully he’d find you, as a pregnant woman, just as appealing as he did before he knew you were pregnant. 

You’d decided on your dark brown jumpsuit, which complimented your body just right. With the weather being chillier, you decided on a tight white mock neck underneath. The jumpsuit was your new favorite piece of clothing. You hadn’t worn it out yet, but it actually fit your changing body well. You’d ordered a few failed attempts at a jumper like Gia’s, and you’d finally found one that fit your rapidly transforming body. The material of the suit was soft and stretchy, meaning it would be a go-to for the next several months. 

It wasn’t even maternity – that was your favorite part! Outfits like the one you were eyeing yourself in kept you from having to wear clothes made exclusively for pregnant women. In fact, due to its incredibly flexible nature, you already had a few other colors by the same brand in your Amazon cart. . . Cute, comfy, and not made for pregnant ladies only.

The idea of wearing maternity clothing was still something you were warming up to. . .  You’d discovered on BabyTok that a lot of expecting mothers hated wearing maternity clothes. The general consensus (that you agreed with) was that it made them feel even more ostracized when they already felt like your body wasn’t your own. 

After having the full ensemble put together, you turned to glimpse at your ass in the suit, adjusting your gold jewelry as you turned back around to face the front. 

You were beyond happy with what you saw. 

Adorable and sexy all in one outfit. Your curves were being hugged in all of the right places: boobs, belly, butt. And, even then, the jumper still left some mystery with its looser parts. . . You felt confident. 

The white sneakers and white mini crew socks added the ideal final touch, helping you to feel even more comfortable and excited by your outfit with the other trendy addition. (Thank you, blessed Target and your off-brand tennis shoes.)

The thought made you momentarily think about making a Target baby registry when the time came. Would Jake want to be involved in that? You wanted him to be. . . Ugh. You actually hated how badly you wanted him to be in the middle of all of it with you. 

You were supposed to be mad at him!

As you slung your belt bag over your chest, you huffed at the thought, tightening your bag a little to balance just right over your bigger breasts. And, as you did so, your mind started drifting. Drifting to the same eyes you always had waiting for you at the back of your mind. The eyes you wanted looking at you, admiring you. . . They weren’t Theo’s. Not at all. These eyes were Amber-brown and darkened naturally when they took you in (rather, they used to darken at you).

Then, there were the calloused hands you wanted to meet you at the end of the day, in your bedroom, to help you take off this outfit. Piece. By. Piece.

You growled to yourself, readjusting the belt bag once more to not be so tight over your boobs. 

Damn that fucker. Jake was like a thorn in your side—making his way into thoughts of yours without giving you a chance to combat it.

God, you just needed to focus on another man. Jake had Maya. You needed someone, too. Right? It was going to help. It would be an attempt, at the very least, to get your mind off of your baby’s (smoking hot) daddy. 

Once more, you eyed your outfit – your little round belly, in particular. You loved how it stretched the material at your waist just enough to see there was a baby in there. . . your baby. How could you be so proud of a life that you hadn’t even held in your arms yet?

Your phone dinged from where it laid on your comforter. You walked to check it, finding a quick text from Theo to ask if you wanted him to pick you up. And. . . you agreed . . . It was the perfect start to your plan.  

As soon as you sent it, though, you suddenly felt a solid moment of pause at the idea of dating another man while being pregnant with Jake’s baby. 

You didn’t want anyone else. Really. You knew it. Your body grew instantly uncomfortable at the idea of someone else. You craved one person in particular and it was not Theo. . . but who’s to say it couldn’t be Theo? Or any other man, for that matter? It could be. It could. . .

If Jake was able to move on from you, you could move the fuck on from him, too. 

So, with that thought, you ignored the pull towards Jake. Didn’t need him infiltrating your fresh state of mind.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Once Theo had texted that he was about ten minutes away, you decided you’d make your way out to the living room. 

But, of course, the other occupant of the living room at that moment was someone you did not intend on seeing. Didn’t want to see him. Jake, sitting on the couch watching some documentary. 

He wasn’t wearing PJ’s on this gloomy, rainy Sunday afternoon, but rather a sexy ass outfit (What was he dressed up for? Could you not catch a fucking break?!). 

Looking at him, all you could imagine was being held close enough to feel him hard, against your ass, hand cupping your breast just like you’d needed so badly. . . 

Last night, he’d made you feel so many emotions. Two of which being seriously intense longing and lust. And he’d seemed to feel the exact same way. . . 

. . .Only to go back to his room and make it no secret that he was fucking Maya into his mattress and not you. 

He offered to come to you, y/n. . . a voice whispered, sounding like Elsie. It was something she would say. But, you already knew what you’d tell her. It was what you’d told him and what you’d been telling yourself. 

It wasn’t right. Last night had been enough to make that apparent to you. . . and hopefully him, too. It would be a mistake and it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all to do that shit–even if the other person in the equation was someone you despised as much as you were growing to despise Maya.

But, alas, you had no ground to stand on. . . He wasn’t your boyf—. 

Well, yeah, actually. You did have some ground. You would pull the motherfucking Baby Mama card if you had to.

You yanked a Canada Dry from the fridge before going to wait in the doorway for Theo. 

Back to square one of being pissed with Jake.  Hearing Maya outright crying and moaning his name repeatedly felt blasphemous (dramatic, but whatever). . . You were even more tired of hearing him – the same moans and groans that had once been your favorite sound. . . . You were just damn tired of it.

As you popped the can open to take a decent swig, you worked to convince yourself that it mostly annoyed you. Just because it kept you from getting enough sleep for you and a baby. But you knew, quite frankly, it was because you cared more than you should have about it. 

What you didn’t care for was hearing said baby’s father fuck another woman any and every way she wanted. 

Not when there was a time it had been you instead. 

You let your eyes travel to him, sitting on the couch. The profile of his face was all you could see. The sharp outline of his jaw. . . The straight bridge of his nose, begging to be traced by your finger. His pretty mouth, lips slightly open before he licked them in anticipation at the screen in front of him. 

Had he not noticed you? Or was he purposefully ignoring you? Whatever. It didn’t matter.

Even though it was wrong, you weren’t able to help the way your brain spiraled at the thoughts of endless summer days as you surveyed him. You thought of those blissful days where it had been you he was fucking so well you saw stars over and over again. . . leaving you with a dull ache between your legs from how fucking good he’d given it. . .

Ugh! No. You rubbed your thighs together, working to alleviate the thoughts that had your panties getting slightly damp. Motherfucker. 

Because, again, everything you’d had to witness between him and Maya and he hadn’t even cared. . . . fucking jackass. Acted like he cared so much that day in the kitchen. Didn’t want to let go of what you’d had. But then he’d moved on to what had been patiently waiting for him. . . So fucking soon after. You hadn’t had time to catch your breath.

Truly. Fuck Jake Kiszka. The butterflies that jittered in your belly at your inappropriate thoughts were simply confused as hell. . . 

“How you feeling today?” He asked, not looking away from the television, definitely sensing your presence behind him. 

God. . . stop acting like you care.

“Fine,” you plainly stated, tone clipped, rubbing your belly briefly.

You looked away as soon as he turned his head in your direction, avoiding eye contact with him. But you could feel his eyes piercing burning holes in you from the couch. You busied yourself on your phone, ignoring him. You checked your Ovia app for the second time today. 

“You sure about that?” He asked, his voice getting buried in the back of your mind as your eyes traced the new baby facts again. 

Size of an avocado. Legs were officially longer than arms. . . could bend his or her knees and elbows now. . . Baby might be growing hair (would it be his color? Or yours?). . . Baby’s heart is still under construction but capable of pumping 25 quarts of blood a day. . .

You realized then and there that, in spite of how pissed you were with him, you wanted him to live all of this in real time with you – wanted to tell him all of these new things about the baby.

“Baby is the size of an avocado today,” you meekly stated, not wanting to get all mushy when you could have slapped him and felt fine with it. 

“What?” 

“What do you mean, what? I just told you what,” you snapped your eyes over to him on the couch, but realized he was standing and gathering his bag of almonds and glass of water to head over your way. 

You moved closer to the door, not caring to smell hints of sandalwood or vanilla or citrus or amber . . . whatever the fuck he’d chosen to use to smell sexy today. 

“Yeah,” he said, shaking his head on his way to the kitchen. 

You followed every one of his movements; watched him put the almonds in the pantry, then eyed his firm grip on the glass cup as he finished the drink off in one final sip. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he closed his eyes to savor it. You saw as a few drops from the drink slipped from the glass, down his chin, and all the way to his chest. Damn. Right down the middle of his perfectly toned and tanned pectoral muscles. When he went to wash it in the sink, you observed closely as he swiped under his plump bottom lip with his thumb to catch the remnants of water. 

In no time, he was done washing the cup and facing you again. A tiny grin quirked on his lips and you realized it was probably because you still had your mouth open watching him. Quickly, you shut it and raised a brow at him. 

“Don’t smile at me.” You sounded ridiculous, but you were trying to cover up your moment of staring at him. Didn’t want to seem weak.

“I apologize for smiling,” he responded, his eyes rolling with the words the slightest bit. “What were you saying before?”

“You seriously already forgot?”

“No. God,” he cleared his throat, crossing his arms over his chest. “I was trying to spark the conversation to life again.”

“By acting like you forgot what I said?” Damn it all to hell – what was wrong with you?

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not,” you retorted, knowing better. You were upset. . . not about this, in particular. Just him. Just upset with him. 

“Yes you are.”

“Stop,” you bit back, not wanting him to see through you. “If you would have just listened the first time and not asked me ‘what’, then we would already be done talki–,” growling with a huff, you frustratedly tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “I blatantly said that it was about the baby. You knew what I was talking about,” you looked down at your phone, doom scrolling on the app – looking at past and future weeks in your pregnancy. “Just listen better next time and you won’t have to talk to me for so long.”

Okay, now you were letting off that you were weak. You sounded pathetic. Were you really feeling insecure about that at the root of it all? Did you feel like he didn’t want to talk to you? 

If you were being honest, you did feel like a burden and the tears accumulating in the back of your throat were proof of it. Part of you felt completely inadequate and like he couldn’t care. But. . . if logic was to speak and remind of what was real, you would realize he was the one that initiated the conversation in the first place. Of course he wanted to talk to you. . . 

Or was he just being nice?

“Goddamn, yes ma’am. Sorry for my lack of rapt attention and preparedness. I’ll pay better attention next time,” he grit back. “Jesus Christ.”

You couldn’t blame his frustration. There was no denying you sounded crazy. This was becoming something it didn’t need to because you were grumpy with him and just generally hormonal. 

Looking down, you thought you’d offer some sort of apology. There was no use in being completely unreasonable. “I’m sorry I’m being so moody and grumpy. These hormones are all over the place,” you reasoned, not wanting to divulge your complete irritation with him you’d sat on all afternoon. 

You saw him move from your peripheral. Quickly, you came to terms with the fact that he was coming close enough for you to smell him, despite your efforts to avoid him. And if he didn’t smell more incredible than any other man to ever exist. . . fuck.

You looked up from where you’d started checking your nails, not able to deny his closeness. It spiked your heart rate. He was leaning his back against the counter, right next to where you stood by the door. Personal space was a foreign concept, apparently.

His eyes drifted over you, your skin flaming at the attention from him. His gaze skated over your figure – no doubt he was taking in the outfit. You felt pretty fuckin’ hot. This was the first time you’d felt genuinely pretty in a long time. You could only hope he saw you and thought so, too. 

“You look fucking—wow,” he commented, his voice low enough for you to feel his words. “I can’t put it into words. But, damn, this outfit,” he smirked, nodding his head at you before letting his eyes land on your round belly with a soft smile before he looked at you. “I like how the baby looks in it, too.”

You blushed. That was sweet as hell. 

“Thanks,” you sunk your eyes into his before letting your eyes rake his figure. If he could do it, you would, too. 

He looked fine as hell in his all black outfit with that damn mustache coming in again. . . You could think of a few things that could settle an argument or two. You thought of him exposing your bare breast last night, his dick hard and pressing into your ass. . . . Wanted to feel him grind against you right now. Quite frankly, looking at him, all you wanted to do was lay across the kitchen counter and let him –. 

No. 

That was the same counter he’d betrayed your rules on. Dammit. You were so mad at him. Was it legitimate? You couldn’t tell. Hormones and shit. 

The knock against the door was what broke you from your reverie, eyes having been locked on him for far too long. 

“You goin’ somewhere?” He asked, folding his arms tighter across his chest. You didn’t look at his biceps or the jewelry on his hands and wrists. Didn’t think of the way his earring hung just right for you to see it through the thick tresses of his long, wavy hair. 

Instead, you took those thoughts and turned them into another woman moaning his name. 

Goddamn, y/n. He hasn’t fucking cheated on you. For God’s sake. Slow your damn roll.

“Yes,” you stated, moving to check your makeup in the living room mirror. When you reaffirmed why you felt so damn confident today, you unlocked the door, opening it so Jake could see for himself. He’d moved from his space at the counter, behind you, out of curiosity. 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Theo’s grin took up his entire boyish face, his fresh haircut complimented his square jawline well. His excited energy fed the tense air perfectly. Just like you wanted. 

“Oh. . . study buddy. . . I remember you,” Jake commented behind you. His tone was almost mocking, challenging the situation. “Making flashcards or some shit, I presume?”

“Depends, man. Might have other goals in mind for today. . .,” Theo winked in Jake’s direction, then yours. You couldn’t help the smirk that fell across your features at his response to Jake. “Little Miss Hot Thang here still needs to go on a date with me like she promised. Maybe we can talk about that, too,” he winked at you. Your eyes smiled, but your lips couldn’t quite reach them.

Little Miss Hot Thang? What?

Though, you had to applaud Theo, he was playing into what you’d wanted perfectly – his little crush on you was shining through. The little cocky lilt in his tone that seemed to be consistently present made your skin crawl just a bit, but you were mostly used to it after all of the studying and times you’d sat next to him in class. 

Right now, you only cared to make a point to Jake, though, and Theo’s tone was a non-issue. Though, you hoped his words were clicking with Jake like you wanted them to. 

“Oh, yeah? Wanna take her out on a date?” Jake snipped from behind you.

Your eyes twinkled at the sound of his response, tummy somersaulting at the edge in his voice. 

It was like a scene playing out exactly as you’d want it to as the viewer. . . The only thing that sucked, though, was that even with the two handsome men standing on either side of you, your body was still only pulling you to the wrong one. The handsome one behind you, dressed in all black. The same one smelling like the most incredible mixture of sandalwood, vanilla, and amber. You caught a whiff of something new, too. . . A different cologne? 

You wanted to sink into him. . . let him hold you again, just like he had on Friday.

You did not feel pulled at all to the one in front of you, dressed in his dark wash skinny jeans and a Pratt Football Alumni sweatshirt. The man you didn’t want, that you were about to flirt with even more. It made you less and less excited by the minute for what you were egging on. . . Did you even want it? Was this a stupid idea? You were simply encouraging it for the sole purpose of giving Jake a taste of his own medicine.

Was it worth it?

It made you question if you were sure you wanted to continue entertaining it if you knew you didn’t actually want him.

“Of course I want to take her on a date. You kidding?” Theo smiled, not assuming anything but the best of the situation, his eyes finding yours flirtatiously. “Who wouldn’t?”

You gave a sideways grin to him, feeling unsure of it all.

“And you’re sure she wants it, too?” Jake asked, challenging him with a scoff in his tone.

Suddenly irked by his questioning, you turned your head to the side to address him, still not fully looking at him. You relied solely on your turned head for him to acknowledge that you were speaking to him. 

“Not your damn business, Jake,” you snapped, contemplating your next words. “But, yes, I would love to go on a date with him, if you must know. Just like old times.” 

You tacked the last words onto the end for extra emphasis. . . . For extra emphasis on the web of fibs you were delicately weaving.

The words made Theo’s smile grow as he leaned towards you, tucking a lock of freshly curled hair behind your ear. 

The action made your heart rate pick up – which made you think. Perhaps there was hope you could string this along—just for long enough to shut Jake out. If the tall blonde man was making your heart rate speed up now, he would continue to do that, right? Maybe this revisited ‘romance’ would actually turn into more. . .

Ugh. But was that what you wanted?

The answer was more than likely a big fat no. Fuck no. 

Though, you did like what it was doing to Jake. Especially when you looked over your shoulder and saw the pink tinge that had enveloped the apples of his cheeks, how his jaw was set in tight tension. His eyes were trained on Theodore, observing him. Judging him. And when you saw the sudden flare of his nostrils, you knew. 

This was making him angry. You’d go as far to say jealous, even. Could it be?

And as horrible as you knew it was, it felt way too fucking good. 

“Just like old times?” He questioned, pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes at the man in the doorway.

“We dated in high school,” Theo answered for you, completely oblivious of Jake’s irritation towards him. For all he knew, Jake was just an asshole. Was he even picking up on Jake’s mood?

Better that he didn’t. You didn’t want him thinking there was anything more between you and your roommate; even though the baby growing in your belly said much differently. But you were sure Jake’s little perturbed act was something Theo would eventually catch onto. . . . so, you tried to get him off of the subject one more time. 

Matching his level of irritation seemed the only possible solution to shut him up. 

You turned fully around to face the long-haired man. His arms were crossed, hands wrapped tightly around his biceps and squeezing intermittently. You observed his handsome features for maybe one second too long, but you couldn’t help it. The beauty mark on his right cheek, along with a couple of tiny scars under his left cheek bone caught your eye – parts of his face you’d memorized months ago. His tanned skin was the perfect canvas for every single precious mark it honed. Would your child have any of the same freckles he did?

Not letting yourself get too lost in that devastating train of thought, you tried to catch his eyes and to no avail. He was hard pressed to intimidate your study buddy or some shit. 

When you cleared your throat to gain his attention, his hard gaze finally landed on you rather than the poor, unassuming man in Pratt gear behind you. But. . . . you lost all ammunition to say anything hateful to him when his stare penetrated your own. The way his eyes bore into yours made your breath catch in your throat.

You were right before – you could read him well. And while he was obviously angry and (oddly) jealous. . . . you also sensed a tinge of hurt behind his darkened irises. You’d seen his eyes falter like this before. . . the way he would try to hide the hurt behind a sort of tough act. 

“Jake,” you whispered, reaching out to touch his arm. You didn’t know what you were trying to communicate to him, but you had a feeling he’d catch on to whatever it was. 

He didn’t flinch away. No, he let you touch him, leaning into it the slightest bit. His eyes glimmered for the briefest moment, holding yours. . . . . Before he suddenly was moving away. You were losing him. And, instantly, you knew that the impending fling behind you was definitely not what you wanted.

God. What had your life come to?

“Alright, well, so be it,” the stark tone in his voice, along with the way his eyes stayed trained on yours, made your skin prick with goosebumps and all of your senses flare. “I suppose you’re right. Nothing you do truly is my business. Just as mine isn’t yours, right?”

Thankfully, his biting words made your skin flame once more in aggravation. You were mad at him. Right? You could fight those words.

You wanted to keep whatever upper hand you’d created, so you had to be quick with your next words. And actions. 

You squinted at Jake, inhaling deeply and pursing your lips. Then, without taking another second to think it through, you turned once more. Leaning into Theo, you let your hand lay flat on his buff chest. The blonde then placed a sure hand on your hip, looking down at you with a raised brow and smirk. You sort of enjoyed it, but you also felt a little icky about it. Luckily, you knew how to keep face. 

Looking over your shoulder once more to say something, the words caught in your throat when you saw his fists balled up, nails surely digging tiny abrasions in the palms of his hands.

You would venture to say his current feelings teetered on the edge of how you felt towards him and his girlfriend. 

Feels great, doesn’t it, Jake? 

Yeah. . . . . You were completely sure you wanted to play this little game. With the way he was reacting, you were getting curious to see just how far it could go. . . 

From behind, you heard Jake shuffling away, his door closing a little louder than normal. A slam, yes, but not enough to alert Theo to anything going awry. The tall man’s blue-green eyes were sincerely sparkling as he grabbed hold of your hand gently.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You remembered you wanted to talk to Jake about the rules as you pulled out of the complex in Theo’s Mustang. His mouth was going a million miles a minute with shit you didn’t care much about. So, you used his personally-created distraction to your advantage and decided to text Jake about wanting to discuss something with him.

Might as well catch him while the fire’s hot. Maybe he’ll actually pay attention.

It took him a few minutes to respond. It made you momentarily question sending it to him after you’d just irked him as you had at the apartment. 

Jake, 3:05 p.m.: oh. So you’re planning on coming back tonight, huh? 

Your heart jumped in your throat. Motherfucker. 

You, 3:05 p.m.: We are purely studying tonight. 

Jake, 3:06 p.m.: is that what lover boy wants? A ‘pure’ little study date? 

You glanced over at your classmate as your senses flamed with Jake’s words. Fuck him and his invasive questions. You locked your phone. 

It was a good damn time to finally look up and acknowledge the other person in the car. You figured this, because as soon as you looked over to Theo, he was waiting on you, trying to include you in conversation.  Just at that moment. 

“Don’t you agree?”

Shit. Agree with what? You’d totally tuned him out.

“About. . .?” You trailed, feigning interest and trying to act like you were thinking of all of the things he’d said. “I’m still stuck on what you said earlier about. . .,” your eyes glanced at his Pratt sweatshirt. You cleared your throat, “About school.”

God, that was a step too far. Brave? Stupid? You didn’t even know if he’d mentioned school! Fuck.

But, you were relieved when he laughed, nodding his head as he went ahead at a green light. The smell of his Black Ice car freshener was almost too much for your pregnant super-senses. 

“Yeah, me too. That professor is crazy!” He said, going ahead as the light changed. “No, but do you agree that this test is going to be a piece of cake?”

Wow. So he really had spent the past several minutes talking about school and a test? Shit. You had imagined there’d been more. Didn’t know why. It was Theo. He had a one-track-mind. He was all about school and Pratt. 

Meanwhile, you weren’t even interested enough in school to carry a fully thought-out conversation about it, much less drone on and fucking on about it. 

“Oh, yeah,” you knit your brows. “Piece of cake. We’ve got it in the bag.”

“So. . . you sure you don’t want to make tonight our date then?” He proposed, a blush rising in your cheeks with the lift of his brow. Oh.

Answer was. . . Yes. You were sure you didn’t want to go on a date tonight. Didn’t want to go on one at all, if you were honest. Or did you? With the way the blush hadn’t left your cheeks yet, you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about it at the moment. 

It was confusing as hell. But, you’d dug your own grave. You had led him on. 

Momentarily, you contemplated it. . . If you did it tonight, would that help you to get it over with sooner? Be rid of this guy who’d annoyed you more often than not in recent times? 

Ugh. No. You couldn’t let it end after one night. You needed to drag it out. 

“Why don’t we start with some studying and then we can talk a little more on that?” You tried, voice cracking a bit on the last word, feeling utterly unsure of it all. 

“So . . . .,” he trailed, waiting for you to continue. 

“So, I’d say we will find another night to have our date. Make it special,” you slapped a sweet grin on. Make it special? God, shut up, y/n. “I promise.”

His eyes shone, hand coming to grip yours. Fuck, yours were clammy as hell. 

“Yeah, special,” he enthused, your stomach dropping at the word. “I like the sound of that, y/n.” 

-🌼🌼🌼-

When you were finally home from your excursion, you could have sighed with the deepest relief. You’d have been lying if you said your social battery wasn’t drained. You’d worked to keep up with the flirtiness, acting flirty even when it felt completely unauthentic. 

But. . . Unfortunately for you, there wasn’t a moment to sigh with relief, being immediately met by Jake. Still awake and reading a book in the armchair. Didn’t want to make him suspicious of you being turned off by Theo in any way. You needed to convince him that you were interested in the jock. 

You figured you might as well start off strong. 

“I really like him,” you breathed the supposed lie, not able to contain the eye roll threatening to expose your charade.

Jake hmphed from his spot in the chair, not even caring to look up from his book. “Good for you, y/n.” His tone was a grumble as he never lifted his eyes from the page, in fact turning to the next page, more invested in the literature than you. 

You turned to hang your belt bag next to the door, swishing your leftover Pink Drink after the bag was put away. When you walked to put the drink on a coaster in the living room, you looked over to Jake, who was still busy reading. Even though he seemed to be ignoring you, you suddenly wanted to spend some time with him. But, before you could get situated on the couch, you decided on going to your room to change. 

As comfortable as your outfit had been, it still wasn’t sweatpants. And the basket of freshly clean clothes you’d left on your floor held your comfiest pair of sweatpants and your biggest Pratt sweatshirt, made of the softest cotton material. You were quickly unlacing your tennis shoes and stripping out of your jumper and undershirt and bra (good god, so uncomfortable). Once you were in the set of comfy clothes, you felt instant relief. 

You’d kept your socks on, feeling abnormally chilly. December’s evening weather was still sticking to your skin. It was fucking nice to not be burning up hot. 

With one last glance to the side, you  grabbed your own book to read, sitting on your bedside table. One from your recent night out with Jake. You figured it wouldn’t hurt you to sit with him in the living room and read at the same time as he did. It had the potential to be a nice, calm setting. 

Just before you could make it out of your bedroom, you went to grab your fluffy blanket from your bed – only to find Stevie snoozing away on it. Your heart swelled at her deep sleeping breaths, completely at peace. Being as you were not about to wake her, you just decided to head to the living room and use the blanket you kept in there. 

Water was your first priority before a blanket, though. Your mouth had turned to sandpaper in the time between leaving the living room and walking from your room, back to the common area. You were always thirsty these days. 

Though, as you went to grab your giant Stanley from where you’d left it earlier, you noticed it freshly washed next to the sink. What. . .? You hadn’t–? Jake must’ve done it. 

Your heart tripped over itself. Why did he. . .? Finding your voice, you asked him. “Did you wash my Stanley?”  

“Yeah, figured you’d be thirsty when you got home,” he called from the living room, just loud enough for you to hear in the quietness of your apartment. “You fill that giant ass thing up at least twice a day and down it like it’s nothing. And I hadn’t seen you fill it up even once before you left.”

But. . . . he’d been so angry when you’d left earlier? Why was he taking care of you and your things?

“I filled it up when I came out this morning,” you clarified, shocked that he’d noticed your routine of sorts. “But I didn’t get to finish it before I left. Got left on the counter for a Canada Dry,” you made a noise of realization, thinking how delicious one of those would taste right now, too.

When you went to grab the ice cold can, you got the most stereotypical pregnant girl craving. Ice cream. 

And. . . you had absolutely zero of it. 

“Dammit,” you said to yourself, shutting the freezer door in quiet resolution. In slight frustration, you huffed, blowing hair off your face. 

You’d survive. Still really freakin’ sad, though. You could feel the pout making its way to your features all on its own – you couldn’t control it. The cravings came with a vengeance in recent weeks. 

When you got to the living room, you fluffed the cozy blanket that you kept on the back of the couch, wrapping it around your shoulders. And in no time, you were sitting, tucking yourself as far into the couch as possible, making sure to lean against the arm of the couch that allowed you to see Jake. 

What if you wanted to talk to him about something you learned about the baby as you read? You’d want to see his face to talk to him. And what was wrong with liking a nice view as you read?

As soon as you’d snuggled in with a pillow tucked just right behind your back to support you, you went to open your book, only to find a disappointing reality. 

There was no book. No Stanley filled with water. Just the Canada Dry. You’d left your book and your Stanley (still unfilled, forgot to do that, too, you thought) on the kitchen counter. 

“Fuck!” You griped to yourself, letting your head fall, placing your hands over your face. You’d just gotten comfy and now you’d have to get up again. Getting comfortable was becoming a chore. 

The tears were coming. Dammit. 

But, in almost no time, you felt a presence next to you, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Jake asked, nearby and your ears instantly tuning in to him, head still in your hands. 

“Pregnant brain,” you mumbled, the words smooshed into an incoherent response. 

“What?” 

You sighed, bringing your hands to your cheeks to wipe any tears that might have made tracks. Luckily, most had fallen into your hands to avoid a mess of mascara. Though, Jake’s thumb came up briefly to wipe just under your right eye. His finger on your skin, so gentle and making your heart race. 

There was no resentment in his eyes when you briefly caught them before looking away. It was as though earlier had never happened. No anger or irate energy between you two. Just compassion coming directly from the man next to you. 

Then, his hand was gone, his arms crossing over the thigh, as he took a knee next to the couch. He had leaned in close enough that your head was fuzzy with the scent of him—he smelled so delicious. Although, that new fragrance to his cologne you’d smelled earlier. . . it was there again. What was it? 

“New cologne?” You questioned, sniffing the onslaught of tears away.

“Doesn’t matter right now.”

“I wanna know.”

“Answer me first,” he insisted. “Why are you crying?”

You growled, irritated with his insistence. Looking over towards him, you locked eyes with his. Your heart leapt at how his eyes gazed back at yours. . . His stare was unwavering, showing just how much he cared.

“My pregnant brain,” you tried again, grumbling. The pouting still couldn’t be helped. “I forgot my fucking Stanley and book in the kitchen. And I just got comfortable,” you huffed, going to throw the blanket off from around you. 

Jake’s hand came up, holding yours to stop you. “No, you stay. Let me get it.”

You didn’t have it in you to argue and not having to move sounded nice. His hand on yours also had you completely frozen. “Okay,” you whispered, eyes growing wet again at his kindness. 

A loose grin spread across his pretty lips and he was gone at a moment’s notice to grab your things for you. 

Your tummy fluttered at him, completely in awe of his gesture. Though, you shouldn’t have been. He kept doing things like this. Little things to help and show he cared. . .

Why were you upset with him again?

“Did you forget to fill the Stanley?” Jake questioned from the kitchen, your head snapping in his direction.

The tears were back, for God knows why. “Yes,” you cried. “I’m sorry you have to—.”

“Why are you sorry, honey?” he responded, inflection showing nothing but a genuine desire to help. “I’m here to help you. I told you this.”

Yeah, because Maya wants you to.

Aaand you were annoyed again.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, checking your less than pretty manicure. You could stand to have another done soon, the chipped black paint on your nails having seen better days.

In no time, he was walking back to you with the Stanley full and your book in his other hand. He was wrinkling his eyebrows, one raised a bit more than the other in curiosity at you. You felt how your face was still reading unhappiness. Thanks to your lovely thought process. But, then, your tummy rumbled (loudly), reminding you of the other reason you were cranky.

You flushed, embarrassed by the sound. 

God, be a little more subtle, sweet baby. Please.

It had turned into even more than ice cream, though. You realized you hadn’t eaten since the morning and you were feeling it now. The ice cream didn’t even sound overwhelmingly delicious anymore. . . all you could do now was imagine how incredible a giant bowl of mixed melons would be with an even bigger bowl of pasta. Any kind. Every kind. 

Damn. You really were going to have to get off this couch. Jake was not about to be your errand boy – you weren’t going to let him do that shit. It made you feel really bad to make him do all of the work and running around when you were fully capable. 

You figured it would be best to save his willingness to help until you were further along. Lord knew he would get tired of this ‘helping’ thing eventually.  

“You hungry?” He asked, sitting on the couch, alongside your stretched out legs. “I can get you whatever you–.”

“No,” you shook your head, moving to get up, managing to flip the blanket off of you this time without him stopping you. “I’m not going to make you do that shit.”

“You’re not making me do anything, y/n,” he said, emphasizing his kind words with another grin, this time laughing a bit to show his beautiful smile. “I want to do whatever I can to–.”

“Jake. That’s not fair to you,” you said, swinging your legs off the couch, abandoning the pillow supporting your achy back. This time, he did stop you again, placing his hand on your thigh, as soon as you’d been sitting next to him. His palm rested dangerously close to a place he shouldn’t be close to. 

But, he wasn’t moving his hand and you sure as hell weren’t feeling an urge to move it. It felt so good to have him touching you again. And when he started rubbing gentle circles into the thickness of your thighs through your baggy sweatpants. . . Ugh.

Your mind flashed back to the kitchen, how he’d held you so close and massaged your breast. . . . the same way he was now massaging your thigh. 

You were going to light on fire. . . with absolutely zero complaints. You’d die happy if you were set to flame by his touch alone. 

Goddamn, y/n. Get it the fuck together.

Before you could immerse yourself any further into your thought process, your stomach made yet another animalistic sound you couldn’t control.

“God,” you shuddered, closing your eyes with a shake of your head. “That’s embarrassing.”

“How is it embarrassing?” He flashed his eyes at you, a dimple in his cheek with his words.

“Well, apparently the baby is just feeling the need to expose me from the inside out,” you complained, placing a hand to your heated forehead. “I can’t even fib and say I’m fine because you’d know I’m bullshitting you, thanks to our child.”

He chuckled, a sexy rasp to it. “I’m glad she’s exposing you because it helps me to know how I can assist you.”

“No, Jake,” you groaned, rubbing your temples with your pointer finger and thumb. “I already told you. . . I don’t want you being unfair to yourself. Don’t hyperextend yourself on my behalf.”

He made a sound in the back of his throat, contemplating what he wanted to say next as he clutched firmly to your thigh, with his other hand now holding his chin. Tapping a couple times with his pointer, he let go of his face and your leg at the same time. Your leg automatically felt the loss, in sudden desperate need of his touch again. 

Leaning forward, elbows pressed to his firm thighs, you watched as the muscles in his back flexed so exquisitely through his favorite thin, white, cut up t-shirt. Same one he’d been wearing so long ago, the night in the bathroom. . . when Theo had been over for a stupid fucking study session. Studying had been utterly fucking pointless that night after how Jake had handled you in the bathroom. 

You shook yourself of the memory, already feeling yourself beginning to pulse with desire at the memory alone. How did he have this motherfucking hold on you? No other man had ever done this to you. Was it because you were carrying his baby? Did that make it inherently worse or some shit? 

Watching carefully, you noticed how his arms filled out the sleeves more-so now than they had before. . . the sight quickly brought you back to the present. He’d slowly put on a little bit of weight, in all of the best areas possible. 

Happier than before, perhaps? 

You licked your lips absently, appreciating his figure while he was so near to you. 

And, as if on cue, your stomach started to grumble again. Fuck. Mocking you and your starving ass. . . suddenly hungry for much more than fruit and pasta and motherfuckin’ ice cream. 

“It’s for the baby,” he finally said, after having stared into space for way too long. “Let me do it if it’s for the baby, at least. Please. It’s all I can do right now – help you to help her.”

Her. You wondered why he was so set on that gender. 

More than that, though, you were wondering why it felt like an actual punch to the chest that he wasn’t wanting to help you for you. You didn’t want him to. You’d been through this mental battle many more times than you cared to admit. It was so selfish to think about yourself over the baby. Of course he’d want to help the baby. It had nothing to do with an obligation to you. 

“It’s the best I can do for my baby at the moment, y/n. I’m not doing anything else tonight, so it’s the perfect opportuni–.”

Your stomach growled once more and you had absolutely zero energy to be argumentative.

“Fine,” you relented with a sigh. “But, I am upset you’re doing all of this for me when there isn’t really a way I can repay you,” you remarked, getting up from your spot on the couch, stretching your limbs to loosen up as much as you could. 

“Damn, my body hurts,” you mentioned, offhandedly. You were tense and your back wasn’t loving the extra weight getting added to your body by the day. Not to mention, your boobs felt so heavy — as always these days. 

“Can we go somewhere to get stuff? Make it here or go out? I don’t care; we just don’t have what I want here.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed without hesitation. “Absolutely.” 

“Cool,” you grinned. “I’m sorry you have to–.”

“Don’t say sorry,” he groaned from deep in his throat, irritated but not irate. 

You started a trek to your room to gather things to get ready when he made you stop in your tracks with one utterance of your name. “Y/n,” he started, tone stern. Right before you could walk away from the couch to grab your Chuck Taylors and put on a bra, you turned on your heel to observe him, ready to take whatever he had to say with as much ease as possible. 

His tone sounded dangerous – your blood licked with desire at the commanding way he’d spoken your name. 

You raised a brow, as if asking ‘what?’. 

He continued, his eyes brightening when he got your attention, but he didn’t change the tone of his voice right away. It made your skin tingle. “I am the one who can’t begin to repay you.” Moving forward a couple steps, he held your cheek so delicately in his strong hand. “You’re growing my baby–our baby–every day. I can’t even begin to–,” he shook his head, dropping his hand as he went to cover his eyes, nose twitching with a light sniffle. When he looked up again, his eyes were threatening to let tears fall, but his voice was steady as he spoke. “You are not the one to worry about repayment. I don’t need anything in return for the things I’m doing to simply  be there for you while you make a whole ass human being.”

The way your cheeks pinkened was uncontrollable. Hearing him say such intimate words was making your head spin. You wished those words could translate into him caring as much for you as he did the child you were carrying, but you knew there was a fat ass chance of that ever, ever happening. You’d given that up with him. 

“You helped in making the little bean,” you replied, voice thicker than you expected, tacking a laugh to the end of your line. You hoped it distracted from the way your voice had held so much emotion. 

Clearing your throat, you finally went to walk to your room. But, after walking halfway to your bedroom, you paused right before making it to the hallway from the living room. 

Why, when you were just complaining of your aching body, were you about to go put on a damn bra?

“Would you mind if I went braless?” You asked, turning to your roommate, getting his opinion. Didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by any means. 

Jake blinked a few times, having to cough a couple times to come to the question. Shit. Even the question alone had made him feel uneasy. 

“It’s fine. I’ll go put one on,” you started, turning back around. Over your shoulder, you continued. “I don’t want to make you feel–.”

“I would rather you didn’t,” he said, voice husky, behind you. 

The words made you stop in your tracks. You felt the muscles in your shoulders squeeze in anticipation at the words. Even when you knew nothing could come of his words, his opinions. . . you felt them everywhere. 

Suddenly, you were back in the kitchen.

“. . .Y/n– fuck,” he’d rutted against your ass, his hand moving to the bottom of your full breast to hold it in a firm grip. You’d just realized him moving his hand to see the entire breast — your nipples, straining, through the soaked-through, white fabric. “Your tits. . . they’re so fucking– Goddammit.”

Then, he’d let go of your chest to move your strap to do what you’d so desperately wanted. Needed. Once it was draped over your shoulder, he had moved a hand slowly down over your tight sternum, into the front of your camisole. When he’d grazed his fingers over your oversensitive nipple, skirting over your breast to push your flimsy shirt down, you’d whined, knees buckling. 

And, finally, as if you’d been waiting your whole life, he’d pulled your full breast out to touch the air.

The more you thought back on last night, you realized just how much he’d seemed to love your breasts. And, apparently, he wasn’t keeping it a secret from you since the incident. 

“No use hiding that I like your tits, y/n. Always have. But. . . right now?” He began speaking in the present time, as if reading your thoughts. “I love how big and full they are. . . I love why they’re bigger. . .,” He sucked in a breath, the sound rattling through his teeth as his jaw clenched. There was no missing how he seemed to move in his black pants, adjusting his sudden. . . issue. You didn’t look down to watch him. Couldn’t. His voice was like velvet with his next words. “You should know how I feel about them after the way I touched you.”

Holy–.

Speechless. You were speechless. But, you had to say something in return, so you went with the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Won’t wear one, then,” you sighed, breath caught in your lungs. Your panties were suddenly wet and sticking to you,  close to you in a way you wanted him close to you. Did he want all of that? Or was it just your tits? 

“Go wait in your room for me,” he’d whispered heatedly, his words piercing your heart at the anxious energy that had floated through your veins. 

He had wanted it last night, but you’d rejected him. . . God. 

But you literally couldn’t even imagine doing that. 

You’d chosen to cut things off with him, and he’d moved on to Maya without a second thought. Any time you said no or stopped things (pre-pregnancy most definitely included), it was always her he chose. It was obvious who his heart always instantly wanted. 

What tripped you up was the way he looked at you before he went to her. It was the same way he was drinking you in from the doorway at the moment. 

Best to not overthink it. 

Still, you couldn’t help what you said next. “I want you to be able to see what you like.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Why do you think the baby’s a girl?” 

You asked the question as he was driving the two of you home from Walmart. 

After walking the aisles with the sole purpose of getting exactly what you were craving, you’d left the store with everything that you’d wanted at home. 

With your pick of fruit, ice cream, and the specific type of pasta that sounded good (Penne, for some reason), he’d taken the lead on finding the ingredients for the sauce. All he had asked you was if tomato sauce sounded best or if something else sounded better. A tomato-based sauce sounded arguably more delicious, so you’d answered as such.

Once satisfied with your response, he’d gone full ‘Chef Mode’ and had promised that you wouldn’t be disappointed with his go-to, ‘staple tomato sauce’. You’d responded with your trust for his plan, giggling at his intensity as he narrowed down which ingredients would make the tastiest sauce.  

And, of course, he hadn’t allowed you to lift a finger when loading everything into the back of his Jeep. He’d helped you up and out of the passenger seat both at home and at the store, noticing your struggle to keep your balance. 

“I already told you. It’s just a feeling,” he responded, turning left down a prettier street on the 30-minute drive back home. You were passing a garden park, the streets lined with tall light posts, older with intricate detail to align with the quaint part of town. 

Lavender. . . So much of it, sprawled out in the park’s grass. It made your heart clench in your chest.

You looked at him from the corner of your eye, raising a brow with a sarcastic, skeptical face he wasn’t going to see. “You’re sure it’s not anything more? Some secret you have of wanting to be a girl dad? Braid hair? Use all of the bows in her hair?”

“Well. . . I guess that’s sort of it. I love the idea of having a boy, too, though. . .,” he said, his voice lilting at the end of the sentence to emphasize his genuine response. He sighed, scratching the side of his nose once. “It’s just. . . I really like the idea of a baby girl who reminds me of you,” he peeked over at you for a brief moment, making your heart speed at the words and the way he was looking at you. His eyes were dark in the light of the car, but his tan skin glowed under the yellow street lights. “Seeing you in her soft features. . .it gets me. She’d have your nose, your smile, your dimples, your beautiful, innocent eyes–.”

“Innocent? Oh, Jacob. You know better than that,” you laughed heartily, the words coming so smoothly from your mouth. Even after awkward lulls in your relationship with him, it seemed you could go back to that easy feeling so seamlessly – you’d found that recently. It hurt your heart that moments like this couldn’t last forever. “You know much better than that, sir.”

“You’re right, I do,” he chuckled along, clearing his throat before he adjusted himself a bit in the seat, inconspicuously. You pretended not to notice. “You can definitely be a freaky little thing when you want.”

Blushing, you were yet again caught off guard by him being so blatant with you. He kept saying things that made your heart become a flurry in your chest. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to it. 

Not wanting to lose the moment, you responded with a question that tested the waters. You played into him, just a bit. “What was your favorite thing we did that was .  . .freaky?”

Sucking in a breath through his teeth, he made a sound that told you he was deep in thought. “Hm. . . That’s hard for me. . . we had a lot of sex in that span of– yeah,” he blew out a breath, once again trying to subtly move around in his seat. And, again, you acted as though you didn’t notice. “I’d say the day in the pool is a top three –  top tier – moment.”

“Oh, yeah? Why?”

“It was fuckin’ hot, I don’t know. . . I loved everything about it.” He blew out a breath, relaxing a bit against his seat as he brought a hand to rest at the top of his thigh. Dangerously close to his. . . . 

You blinked as he started speaking again, switching your eyes back to his profile as he drove. “I think what turned me on the most, though, was that you were willing to give me head and ride me with everyone else so close,” he sucked in a sharp breath of air. 

You caught sight of his hand, inching just the slightest bit closer to his crotch. His fingers were now splaying out to lay delicately against his zipper. Your eyes were trailing up his form just as he stopped at a stop sign. And without any preparation at all, he caught your eye as you watched him so closely. 

Hot air caught in your lungs. 

“Yeah. That was risky as fuck,” he finished, his eyes dark under the yellow street lights lining the road.

The way your heart lurched in your chest with the way he looked at you. . . . dammit.  It made your breathing turn so heavy, filling up your lungs. When you breathed fully in, you puffed your chest out as you exhaled through your nose. And you would’ve been blind not to notice Jake’s eyes trail down. . . slowly. . . . to your full chest, staying there to admire what he saw.

In your peripheral vision, you noticed his hand inching. . . .closer. . .and closer to fully cup himself. 

You didn’t dare look down, though — too afraid to break eye contact with him and suffocate the moment completely. But, before you could worry much more about it, he spoke.

“Fuck, y/n,” he rasped, his voice deeper and needy. 

Surely this wasn’t happening again. . . . You couldn’t be tested like this again with him. You weren’t sure you’d be able to stop yourself this time.

Your cheeks were fully pink from hearing him say your name like that. It wasn’t new at all. No, you’d heard it many times before. He was desperate. Asking for help. Begging for it. 

You’d come so close to each other the night before. . . 

What happened next couldn’t be stopped if you tried. 

Finally, you looked down to his hand to observe his predicament. And what you found made your body instantly, completely ready for him. 

His thick shaft, straining against the tight black denim of his jeans . . . . The zipper of his jeans, aiding as well as it could in keeping him constrained. But it was no match for him.

The yellow street lamps above you created the perfect shadow to accentuate the sight before you. . . You could see the outline of him so incredibly well. 

“Please, baby,” he whined, completely at your mercy. 

What in the hell was going on? You didn’t know how it had suddenly escalated to this once again. 

But, you knew you didn’t need any other word to convince you against what you wanted — needed — to do. He had taken such good care of you all night. . . You wanted a way to repay him. 

Fuck Maya. You couldn’t help this. You were weak for him, no matter how hard you tried to hide it. The baby hormones were only making this ten times worse, you were sure. 

Your hand, clammy yet purposeful in its movements, seemed to move in slow motion towards him. 

And once you met his pants and settled a hand over where he needed you most, the car suddenly felt so small – too constricting. The hot air blowing from the vents was too much. 

You felt your breath catch in your lungs right as he took in a harsh breath of air. Your skin tingled, your entire body covered in goosebumps, despite the warm car.

With baby hairs stuck to your damp forehead, you inhaled through your nose, letting your hand fully grasp his thickness. You felt his body shiver beneath your hand. You felt your own body react to the moment, clenching around nothing for him. Holding him through the denim was slightly difficult, but you did the best you could. Touching him like this again seemed unreal. Just holding him in your hand again like this. . . It was heavenly.  

Though, you were finding as you squeezed just slightly, it was nothing like feeling the weight of it, bare in your hand. So, with a racing heart and soaking wet panties, you decided to make it happen. 

With one hand still on his dick and the other on his belt buckle, you looked up to quickly gauge his reaction. His pupils were blown out, nearly filling his entire iris, glowing as he watched you under the old street post lamps. 

You raised one brow, trying to school your features the best you could. But you knew there was no way you could honestly change the look of desire painting your features. Your heart hammered in your chest, your head light and airy. 

“Can I. . .?” You breathed, the words almost stuck in your throat. 

He cleared his throat and nodded his head a bit. “Yes, please,” he sighed, a whine at the end of please, while your hand absently stroked him. You watched his pretty face contort just the slightest bit any time you brushed the tip. He unbuckled his seatbelt, seeming to give the final go-ahead.

So, without any further direction, you moved the hand from his dick to unbuckle your seatbelt. The other hand stayed busy, unbuckling his leather belt and unbuttoning his jeans. 

However, your seatbelt was not working in your favor, the latch stuck and not letting you pull the metal from the fastener. 

“Goddammit!” You breathed in frustration, on the verge of tears at the fading opportunity and the stupid seatbelt ruining it all. 

Without any words, you saw his hand come over, your gaze lingering on two purposeful digits pushing down on the red button to the fastener just right. Your breath caught.

The way your body buzzed at the sight, you knew you needed his hands on you, too. Needed him pushing those fingers into you, against you, rolling circles against you . . . .

Though, when you witnessed the seatbelt finally becoming undone, all thoughts for yourself were flying out the window. All you could think was that you were that much closer to seeing him. Holding him in your hand. Doing whatever this was with him. 

Your panties were uncomfortably soaked when you resituated to lean over the gear shift. Though, when you did this, you remembered a new obstruction that you had to adjust with to get the position just right. 

Your belly grazed the handle of the gearshift and you suddenly weren’t looking forward to having to lean over it. Though, within seconds, without having to be told, a hand came over — same hand that unbuckled the seatbelt — to shift the car into park. But after he was done, he kept it there, hand covering the gearshift to make it more comfortable for you to adjust.

Tears pricked your eyes when you glanced up at him under bashful lashes. “Thanks,” you muttered with a blush, leaning just a little further over to continue getting his pants undone. 

“‘Course,” he replied, voice soft underneath the need. Genuinely concerned, he asked, “Is that better?”

“Yes. Much better,” you answered, no question to your tone. 

When your hands finally got his belt buckle undone, you could have cheered with excitement. But, you kept it all to yourself as you unbuttoned his pants, wanting the moment to stay calm and warm and gentle. 

Or did you want it to be gentle?

Before you could do anything else, your back started to feel the new weight that hung in front of you. This position, in the cramped car, wasn’t the best. You arched it, just a little, to try to relieve some pressure. You’d deal with the pain for a bit, though. . . For this — needed this.

What you didn’t want to deal with was having to get his jeans off. Not tonight. Not with your back beginning to ache the way it was. So, you simply pulled the zipper down, and with one more heated stare up at him through your lashes, you tucked a hand down into his pants. He didn’t take his eyes from yours. 

Your gaze never wavered as you continued from the band of his boxer briefs, down further to finally have your hand meet his smooth, pink tip. 

His eyes dared to flutter shut, but he kept them on you. His lips opened slightly to release a whine mixed with a guttural moan. And his stare. . . It was hot, heating your body all the way down to the tips of your toes. 

He eyed you, almost possessively. It made your head spin and skin prick with desire for more – you were aching in your panties for him. He swallowed thickly, not daring to tear his eyes off of you for even a second.

You skated your hand to pay proper attention to the pillowy soft tip you could feel beneath your fingertips. Your touch was light at first as you stroked it, but you quickly went to massage it skillfully with your thumb, remembering how he liked that. You made sure to trace the delicately crease underneath it, watching how it made his body tremble.

Moving carefully, you spread the healthy amount of precum over the pillowy head of his thick shaft. His hips rutted up towards you, showing you how much he was enjoying it.

The deep moan he released made your legs clench together and your own moan released of its own volition from your mouth, under your breath. His sound was accompanied by the sight of his head, thrown back as much as he could, while still keeping his eyes trained on you. The sound and sight would be forever sealed in your memory.

With the jeans constricting your movements, you continued to handle his girth the best you could.  His heated flesh, dick rock-hard and the skin of it so soft. . . You continued further down from the head, letting your line of sight finally trail down to his pants. 

When you looked down, you were met with the sight of his dick, beginning to peek out from the top of his jeans. You’d pushed the pants down a little to access him, apparently, and it’d made the pretty pink tip of him almost fully visible. 

It made your heart flip and tummy hurt to see him like that, swollen tip shiny under the dim lights from his arousal. He was so thick and ready — only a small view of him waiting, just above the waistband of his briefs. 

You decided you’d take further advantage of the new access you’d created when you’d apparently pushed his jeans down. But, before you could go any further, you decided to wet your hand with some saliva. Wanted it to be as pleasurable for him as it could be. 

Though, when you moved your body back and removed your hand from him, the strangled cry he emitted had your breath rattling in your chest.

“Don’t stop,” he whined, exhausted and needy for you.

You reached forward, eyes dark and trained on him. Grabbing his chin, you made him watch as you spit into your other hand. 

His eyes flickered, jaw set as he knew what was coming. His breaths were sharp and labored, chest huffing as he waited for what was next. 

And, just as your hand was on its way down to his pants, you changed your mind. 

You wanted more. Yeah, you loved touching him with your hands, but there was something you liked much, much better. . . 

With one swift movement, you skillfully rebalanced in your seat to have your knees in it as you bent completely over him. Your belly came to lean on his outstretched arm, the one belonging to the hand still holding the gear shift.

Hurriedly, you brought your hair behind your head and twisted it into a makeshift ponytail. Pushing back the sleeves of your sweatshirt, you knew the jeans were officially coming further down for the next part. 

You tapped his thigh and he got the hint. Lifting his hips, he moved the left side of his waistband down as you took care of the right. And, finally, he was springing free from the black briefs. 

Dear God — you’d forgotten just how pretty. . . . 

Not wanting to waste another second, you grasped the hair at your neck as the other hand delicately grabbed hold of his length. You positioned it, just right. . . . And then, your lips were kissing his tip delicately before your wet mouth sank down over him. 

You would never be able to find the proper words to describe how Jake Kiszka’s dick felt, laying heavy against your tongue. Going almost fully down once, you felt him hit the back of your throat. He cried your name, his free hand coming down to squeeze his thigh. Your eyes watered, lips not quite touching the bottom of his belly.

Once you were sure you had wet his dick completely with your mouth, you bobbed your head languidly, giving him long and slow licks. You savored every last inch of him with your tongue, moving a hand to cup where his balls sat in his pants.

His breath stuttered, a low sound released from the pit of his chest. “Holy fuck. I’ve missed you.”

The words were said softly, not so needily. . . You almost stopped to acknowledge them, but decided against it. It seemed best to ignore the words for now. 

So, continuing, you let your tongue lick once more from the base of his dick all the way back to the tip. You grasped his shaft once more in your hand, giving him a few pumps, skimming the underside of the head with the tip of your tongue at the same time.

But, after feeling his thighs shake and hearing your name fall from his lips, you switched your course of action. Not yet. 

With one final stroke of your tongue in the crease, you enveloped his throbbing tip in your mouth. After sucking on him for a minute, you went to move to the top of the head and curled your tongue around and into the slit at the peak of it. You licked every last piece of his earlier pre-release from him, wanting to savor it all for yourself. 

Without warning, the sound of a horn blaring behind the Jeep, a car having come up — jolted you. The car’s lights were bright, bright enough to blind you and seemingly catch you in the act. So, you stopped at a moment’s notice, shuffling to wipe your mouth and get settled back down in your seat. 

Jake took a while to come back to reality. As you buckled back into your seat, you kept an eye on him as he snapped out of it, blinking rapidly. His eyes averted from where they’d been and he used his hands to pull his pants back up, dick still hard with no relief.

Your heart fell as you watched him put himself away, tucking everything back where it belonged, adjusting. He went as fast as he could to buckle his belt, the car behind you honking once more. 

“Fuck off,” you mumbled under your breath. “Be patient.”

Jake apparently hadn’t heard your reprimand to the car behind you. He just kept doing what he was doing, trying hard to get his shit together. After sliding his seatbelt back over his chest and lap, he lifted his hips in his seat to settle back in place, one hand clutching the top of the wheel. 

He didn’t look your way, just kept his eyes trained forward. Wanted to seem inconspicuous to the car behind you, it seemed. 

Following his lead, you turned, breathing hard and facing the front of the Jeep. You wiped your mouth, fluffing your hair back over your shoulder and pulled your sweatshirt sleeves down. The way your heart was beating in your chest was enough to make your heart monitor go off, but surprisingly it stayed silent. 

You silently thanked it, not needing any more unwelcome interruption to the previous moment. Needed time to reset. 

What the fuck had just happened?

You kept your eyes ahead, observing through the windshield. 

The windshield was so clean, it looked as though it wasn’t even there. He obviously cared a lot for this car to keep it looking so nice. You liked how he liked things being kept in good condition. He paid attention. 

Speaking of attention, you brought your mind back to the matter at hand before. . . . Trying your best to respond after everything that had just happened. 

“The pool was pretty risky. You’re right,” you laughed breathily, still trying to deflate your stuffy airways. But I think that moment just beat it — risky for more reasons than one. . . 

Thankfully, he wasn’t acting strange. He actually chuckled along with you, huffing under his heavy breaths. “Yeah.”

When you inhaled and exhaled again, it felt closer to full and even. You felt a faint smile find your lips. 

You tried to refocus your brain. You’d think about how he’d felt against your tongue later. Or maybe you didn’t have to think about it. . . It honestly seemed so natural, it was like going back to normal. So strange. Or was it?

So, you went back to what he’d been talking about prior. . . It was making you think. Really think. Had you sort of wanted the guys to find out? By god. . . With a little contented sigh, you continued, “. . . You know, maybe I always secretly wanted them to know.”

“Wanted who to know what?” He sighed heavily, his breathing evening out next to you.

“I think I sort of wanted the guys to just find out. Might’ve made it easier to deal with if they just happened to see,” you explained, talking your own mind through the new train of thought. But. . . there was a reason it had been kept secret. “I just-just couldn’t get past the thought of Josh being upset with me.”

“Why would he have been upset with you?”

You could feel his stare piercing through you. Though, you kept your line of sight trained on a few drops of dried rain on his windshield. Didn’t dare look his way.

“I can’t get into all of that right now.”

You thought of everything Josh had said that kept you from pursuing things any further than you had. How he’d been so protective of his brother before you’d even gotten to know Jake at all. . . He wanted the best for Jake and you knew now, deep down, that you could do him nothing but harm. You weren’t the pick for a man who needed a woman who was good, all the way down to the soul. . . .there was too much that kept you from feeling safe for others. You were not pure enough for someone as dreamy and brilliant as Jake.

Your stomach suddenly hurt at the thought of what had just occurred. . . The guilt began to eat at you. You didn’t want him to lose someone good for him because of dumb sexual urges. But were they dumb urges? Or fully understandable and expected?

Fuck. You didn't know. 

What you did know was that Maya was real. She was his girlfriend. She should be the only one doing what you just did. . . 

No matter how much you cared for him and wanted him, Maya had been the right one for him all along. 

As much as you despised her, she was a sweet woman who treated Jake very well. You saw it in her eyes, the way she’d mess with his hair, hold his hand, sit on his lap. . . They clicked in a way you could only hope to click with someone so illustrious as Jake Kiszka. 

They got each other in a way you thought you had gotten him, months ago. . . but that thing between you two had been temporary – you’d known so all along.

And, chances were, he’d been seeing her the entire time anyway. 

You felt sick at it all. 

There was no way you alone were good enough for him. God, he was just so precious and unique in every way imaginable. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to. It’s the past now,” he reasoned, cracking your heart a little more in your chest. “I still reminisce, though.”

“Me too,” you whispered, tears stuck in the hollow of your throat. “I have a slight disagreement with you about something, though.” 

He wrinkled his brow, turning to look both ways before going straight. He caught your eyes when he looked in your direction, and turned a wrinkled brow into a raised one.

“The baby has to have your smile and your eyes,” you reasoned, watching him as he continued straight. “Boy or girl. I’ve wanted those features on this baby’s face for a long time – since the moment I let myself think that far.” You weren’t about to tell him that his smile and his eyes were the sole reason you’d decided to keep the baby that day, on the way to the abortion clinic. The two intricate, incredible parts of his face that showed him – showed just how much of a gift he was to the world. 

The same sort of gift you wanted to give the world, in his baby.

“We’ll see who wins their pick.”

“Mama gets first vote.”

“That’s fair,” he responded, flashing the same exact grin you imagined every day for your child.

-🌼🌼🌼-

It was raining again when you got home. The late-autumn, early-winter thunderstorm, a calming vibe for the apartment as Jake cooked in the kitchen. 

The smell of italian seasonings and tomato sauce were heavenly, the pitter-pattering of rain against the kitchen window was marvelous. And the fact that you were casually hanging out with Jake? That was beyond the way either of the latter could make you feel.

(The fact that you’d had his dick in your mouth less than two hours ago was something you were trying to put far out of your mind for the time being.)

“Did you have plans tonight?” You wondered aloud, letting the words traipse out of your mouth on their own as you dried a dish with an already-dampened towel, having been working through your task as you waited on dinner. Jake was cooking the sauce and the pasta, and as he dirtied a dish or utensil from cooking, you’d clean it, dry it, and put it away. 

He hadn’t wanted you to lift a finger, but after putting your foot down and giving him a look, he’d relented.

“Noticed you dressed up earlier,” you continued, putting a mixing bowl back in the cabinet.

Why were you asking this? You were just asking to be hurt by him saying he’d been with—.

“Yeah, meeting with the label execs,” he replied, moving the seasonings around in the minced onions, garlic, and green pepper, searing hot in the saucier; the new addition of garlic made your nose tingle with eagerness to eat. “Went well. Talked album release and all that shit.”

You watched him, his beautiful hair now meeting the tops of his shoulder blades. . . And, if you were being honest, you could’ve sighed with relief at the idea of him not being with Maya earlier tonight. Which. . . was admittedly unfair of you since you’d been out with another man earlier that day.

Yes, y/n. It’s not fair. And Jake’s relationship is not your business anymore, a gentle voice reminded you. You’re the one who called it quits and you have to be okay with not being the one he chooses. Who he chooses to spend his time with shouldn’t matter. . . No matter what you get yourself into. . .

Snapping from your thought, you noticed him reaching for one more tomato on the counter next to him. You could tell he was looking for the cutting board and knife, but he wasn’t going to find them as you’d already cleaned them. 

Without having to be asked, you went ahead and got them back out for him. 

His eyebrows were turned in with confusion as you placed them on the counter next to him, one brow raising with appreciation. “You’ve already washed them? I’m impressed – just used them,” he laughed under his breath, going about his task with chopping the red fruit. “I’m sorry to dirty them again.”

“Don’t be sorry,” you grinned, deciding to take a break. You washed your hands and dried them before leaning against the counter to watch him cook, glancing at the glowing green time of 9:33 p.m. on the stove. “You’re making dinner for me way later than you should be having to–you shouldn’t be–,” you stopped yourself, shaking your head. You knew how he’d disagree with your statement. “. . . I’m just trying to keep up with your mad chef skills. Professional chef, meet your professional dish-washer,” you bowed dramatically, only bending so far with the slightly protruding tummy at your waist. 

When you rose up and pushed your back against the counter again, you laced both hands under your tummy and looked over at him. His dimple, fully present in his cheek with a bright grin lighting up his features. “You are so fucking cute,” he said, almost as if he couldn’t help it. 

The little comment made your heart warm for like five seconds, but then he was turning to the island behind him to grab some salt for the tomato mixture cooking on the stove. It smelled heavenly, by the way – perfectly ripe tomatoes sizzling in olive oil with fresh vegetables, parsley, and cilantro. . . 

But, as enticingly savory as the smell was. . . your eyes were still glued to the island. 

Everything from your afternoon of contemplation was hurtling at full speed back into your mind.

Maya, on her knees. Jake, moaning. You, having to watch. As much as his relationship wasn’t your business, your apartment and its rules were. 

And, in spite of what had happened in his car — or all of the sweet things he’d said tonight and the incredibly kind thing he was doing for you at the present moment. . . 

You knew you had to bring up. You’d texted him about it earlier and everything. If you didn’t say anything about it now, you knew your pregnant brain would let you forget again. 

It was also probably best to bring it up for another reason. A reality check. Because, as wrong as the action was to do out in the open, it wasn’t wrong for him to be doing it. It was wrong what happened in the Jeep. As much as it broke you. Your buzzing hormones were screaming at you. 

It was wrong for him to treat you like anything more than a friend. Yes, you were carrying his child, but he had a girlfriend. 

So, saying something about the instance might help to remind him that he had a girlfriend. . . And that you weren’t her. 

You needed to bring her back in the discussion – as much as you fucking hated it, it was real life.

“I, um. . .,” you started, looking at your polish-less toenails. You really needed a self-care day. Both types of nail beds were looking terrible. Task at hand, y/n. “Jake, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What’s up?” He replied, voice open and ready to receive it. 

You hoped he was ready to hear you and would understand where you were coming from. 

“On, uh, on Thanksgiving. . . I–,” you struggled to begin. But, you had to spit it out. Had to get your point made. So, you trudged through. You let the image that was stained in your brian fuel you to say the words exactly as they needed to be said. Letting your back go straighter, and pushing your chest out with purpose, you asserted your claim. “I walked in on Maya and you. You, um, were pushed against the island,” you let your eyes trail there of their own volition. It spurred you on. “She was on her knees. It was obvious what was happening. And I don’t really think that it aligns with–.”

“With the rules,” he finished, sighing in a reflective sort of way. “Yeah, I know.”

You were shocked. He remembered? Then why–?

“Why did you let it happen then?” You asked, still not looking up at him, burning holes into the counter he’d been leant against as her mouth made lewd sounds, echoing in the small space even now. The image was absolutely unwelcome in every sense of the word. 

“I was feeling the moment,” he sighed. You heard a burner click down and his own feet slide against the floor. 

Looking back at your own feet, you caught a glimpse of his feet . . . facing yours. Ironically, you couldn’t help the New Girl reference spurring in your brain. 

“A guy’s feet point at what they want, and his feet were pointing at you.” Cece’s voice was setting off tiny alarm bells in your head. Your heart rate picked up a bit at the idea of it – was this how Jess felt during that entire episode? 

Then, you thought about how similarly Maya looked to Cece and you were sick to your stomach all over again. Fuck. She really did ruin everything. And you hated with a burning passion how aggravatingly stunning she was.

“Well, it may be best to not ‘feel the moment’ in the middle of the apartment,” you replied, your faster heart rate encouraging you to spit the words out. Finally, your eyes flicked up to him, only to find his eyes trained on the ground as well, and a blush on his cheeks. “There are rules for a reason, Jake. You agreed to them.”

You continued. “And not only did you break the rule about common spaces, you’ve also been having loud sex right next door while I try to sleep and I– it’s not good for me or the baby and–.”

“I’m sorry. I will tell her to be quieter.”

“I can hear you, too, Jacob.”

“Well, then. . . we’ll work on that.”

“Work on it?”

“Yeah. We’ll try to–.”

“You won’t try, Jake. You’ll just do. . . Just be quiet. Damn. It’s not rocket science.”

“Goddamn, y/n. I understand,” he replied, shaking his head as he glanced at you once and then back at the ground. “And I’m so damn sorry my responses are lacking today.”

Silence. It dragged for a minute or two — long enough for him to go back to checking the sauce, then coming back to face across from you again. 

This was officially the longest day in history. You were tired of it. But, you also didn’t want it to be over. . . You’d liked spending so much time with him.

“How would you feel if you heard me next door having loud sex with someone?”

“I wouldn’t—,” he started, grumbling, jaw tense. “It’s not my business.”

“Didn’t ask if it was your business. I asked how you’d feel. Would it make you feel uncomfortable at all?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Why am I a liar?”

“Because, Jake, even if we didn’t have a past,” you placed an absentminded hand on your tummy. His eyes flickered down at the motion, but almost instantly found their way back to your face. “Loud sex makes other people feel uncomfortable.”

“Not me.”

“Want me to test your assumption? I could invite someone over and make sure to have the loudest sex to see how it makes you fee–.”

“No,” he responded, with no hesitation. “Well, not no. You can do whatever the hell you want– I just– fuck. I wouldn’t like it, y/n. Is that what you want me to say?”

“I want you to be honest.”

“I wouldn’t like hearing you fuck someone else,” he insisted without another thought, voice low with eyes dark enough to make your head swirl and your chest heat. “Especially while you’re pregnant with my baby.”

Your heart thumped a million miles a minute in your chest. Again, your heart monitor apparently let you have the moment. “Well, I don’t like hearing my baby’s daddy moaning another woman’s name. And I especially don’t like seeing him getting sucked off by said woman either,” your words were true and harsh as they slid off your tongue. It felt good to say them. Have them out in the open.

“We’ll adjust it. I’ll talk to her.”

More silence. But, it wasn’t uncomfortable. 

No, this was literally just a conversation. A conversation that needed to be had, between two people who knew each other well enough to make a damn baby. 

As he checked the food once more, he flicked off the burners completely and slid the pans back to begin to cool a bit. He placed the sauce pan on the warmer. You just watched him – focused on the fact that he was right here, so present. . . .and all you wanted to do was kiss him. Even more than pulling his pants down again, you just wanted to wrap your arms around him and kiss him. 

He was once again across from you, closer this time. You caught sight of his hands, nearing your face. And, just before he could gently grasp your face in his hands, he dropped them. 

Backing up a bit, towards the oven, his eyes softened. His gaze settled on you in a way that made you want to curl up in him and cry. “You ready to eat?”

-🌼🌼🌼-

Jake’s POV

“Are you going to . . .?”

Her eyebrows wrinkled, questioning. She was nearly sleepwalking, her eyelids barely open. I knew she was tired and beyond ready for bed. It was selfish of me to ask, but I had to before I lost the fucking nerve.

“Are you going to have sex here?” I clarified, clearing my throat.

She scoffed, but a gentle smile stayed on her pretty face. “That isn’t your business, Jake. What is your business is that it won’t be loud if it happens. And I won’t be doing it out in spaces that you can see.”

At her words came the most unpleasant feeling. . . . and the sight I imagined – it made my stomach turn and my skin heat with jealousy. 

Instead of Maya and me at that damn island, I saw y/n and that fuckass Theo guy. . . Him, towering over her. Her round belly, carrying my baby, being held in his football-playing hands as he pounded into her from behind. 

He would be making her his in a way I sure as fuck didn’t want her to be. The way I knew how her delicate eyebrows would sink in at the feeling of him inside of her. . . the way her body would be giving in to him, soft, tight, and ready.

The way she’d moan like she did tonight as she sucked me off. . . . Fuck.

And the sounds she’d make. . . I knew the exact noises that would come from her mouth if he was fucking her– the wet sounds from her pretty pussy. . . I knew every single sound like the back of my hand. I’d elicited them from her over and over again for two of the most astounding months of my life. 

I could practically feel her clenching around me at the thought. . . the way her body would basically give out with certain positions or motions of my hips. . . . and how she’d become absolute putty in my hands as her release climbed up her spine and spilled over my dick. . .

My dick twitched in my pants, but I tried like hell to stop it. 

Hell. This was hell.

And the thoughts were damn near crippling me. 

But she was right. It wasn’t my fucking business. I’d told her the same damn thing earlier. Fuck me.

As wrong as it felt for another man to be fucking the mother of my child, I had proven with my relationship and careless actions in it that I had moved on. Though, I hadn’t moved on. I wasn’t moving on. I thought I had been, but then. . . the moment I truly stopped to think about her being pregnant, that first night I’d known. . . I’d known for a damned well fact that I hadn’t moved on worth shit.

Poor Maya. I honestly felt like I was using her at this point. But. . . I did love her. Or so I had convinced myself over the time we’d been dating. 

I was just desperate to cling to a woman who hadn’t hurt me. I was so tired of it, and Maya would never. She only ever wanted to please. And that felt so damn good. 

“Okay,” was all I could respond with, through my clenched teeth. It was a pathetic response. 

She breathed in deeply, her beautiful chest expanding under her sweatshirt. I could see her nipples, hard and ready beneath the thick material. Sweet hell.  Was it for me? Or was it for him? Or. . . worse. . . was it for no one and her body was just always ready these days? Was that what happened to women when they were pregnant? 

Was that why she’d suddenly been so eager tonight to throw away the morals she’d had just last night? Was a raging, uncontrollable libido to blame for what happened in my car tonight? 

Fuck, I needed to do more research. I knew exactly what I’d be looking into tonight. . . 

. . .After I finished what she’d started earlier. 

“Okay,” she sighed, going to turn towards her bedroom. 

“Does he know?” I couldn’t help but wonder, pushing the conversation further.

She didn’t even have to ask who. Because there was only one man in her sights and we both knew who the fuck the man was. Goddamn this guy. I hated him. Barely knew him, but I knew he wasn’t anything near what –who– she needed. 

“Yes,” she replied, resolute. Turning, she rested her beautiful, curvy body against her door frame. “Telling him about the baby went well, actually.”

“When did you tell him?”

“Tonight. Told him when we got to the coffee shop,” she detailed, clasping her hands under her belly to hold it. Damn, I could watch her all day long. “He was bound to find out soon enough. I feel like I’m getting bigger every single day – already kind of giving it away.”

Fuck if I know it, baby. . . 

Instead of saying the words aloud, all I did was nod and take in a steady breath through my nose and let it out slowly from deep in my chest. Her eyes trailed to my chest with the motion and I felt a moment of hope that she still wanted me as badly as she had in the kitchen. . . Even more so how she’d wanted me tonight. 

All of the blood in my body was rushing towards my dick at the thought of her wet body in my arms last night, her hands and mouth on me in the Jeep. . . 

Her see -through tank top. . . the way her swollen tits tempted to spill from the top of the shirt. . . how close I’d been to holding her full breast in my hand. . . her nipples, peaked so prettily and showing perfectly through the soaking wet cotton. She’d been ready. I knew her body. 

And tonight. . . .? I couldn’t even get started on that.

I was just so confused. Just last night, she’d left and had refused me coming to her room. But tonight she’d taken the initiative to put her damn mouth on me.

After last night and tonight, I could throw Maya on her ass and not feel bad about it. Well, maybe a little bad. 

Damn, it was shitty to admit it. Though, it somehow felt even shittier to go take out on her what I only wanted to do to y/n. . . And that had been exactly what I’d done.

“Is there anything else you need before I go to bed? I’m about to fall asleep standing up,” she blinked slowly, sleepily. . . so fucking cute. All I wanted to do right now was follow her to bed and make her sigh my name. . . Then, hold her in my arms afterward, watching her fall into a hopefully blissful sleep. . .

“No,” I cleared my throat. “Is there anything else I can do for you to make your night easier?”

“You’ve done just about everything you could’ve done, Jake,” she replied, smiling the most serenely beautiful, tired grin. . . her lips, tempting me to kiss her. The blush on her cheeks, pulling me closer. 

But, all too soon, she was opening the door all the way to her bedroom, walking in and turning once more to look at me through the crack she’d made with the door. “‘Night.”

“Goodnight,” I muttered, in a daze caused by her beauty alone. Her pretty lips. Her body. Her face. Just her. 

Damn. I was letting myself in too deep. Again. 

It had happened without me fully realizing it. I’d just started falling for her again (Had I ever stopped? Or had I just been hurt?). 

I hadn’t even let myself pause to think about how it could bite me in the ass. 

But. . . did I care if it bit me in the ass? I wasn’t with y/n. . . I had a girlfriend. If all went to shit, I had Maya to lean back on. It was shitty for me to think like that, but damn.

Though, I couldn’t help but think. . . There wasn’t any harm in listening to my heart and simply being helpful and kind to the woman carrying my child. However that may look, I could be there for her. Right? I had a soft spot for her – I probably always would. 

It was y/n. Even if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid, I’d always look at her a little more tenderly than most other people – well, all other people. She’d carved a place in my heart from the first moment I’d seen her. 

There was truly no one like her.

Never would be.

End of Jake’s POV

-🌼🌼🌼-

A week later, you were hoping to slide out of class without attracting Theo’s attention, but he’d caught you and followed you all the way out to your damn car. 

And, of course, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about one particular thing you really didn’t want to talk to him about. Something that definitely wasn’t his business, even though he was trying like hell to make it that way. 

It was your decision to lead him on, a voice tenderly reminded you. And you’re still going on that date with him. You promised you would. You have to put up with him for at least a little while longer. 

“Well. . . is the baby’s father in the picture?” He asked, following his multitude of other yes/no questions, right as you’d opened your driver’s side door to escape him. 

Fuck. What did you say? You didn’t want to freak him out. Annoying as he was, you still had a plan to at least try things with him to see if you could make something work with someone who wasn’t Jake. . . Still wanted to test the waters with the whole idea of seeing another guy. There was a chance you could end up giving things a real chance with Theo. And you didn’t want to spoil what could inevitably get your mind off of Jake by acting like you were with him in any capacity. 

Because you weren’t. No matter what had happened in the kitchen or the Jeep.

You couldn’t tell him the full truth. It just didn’t seem entirely wise to tell him all of the details. . . just in case. What was a way you could tell him half of the truth? 

“Kind of, kind of not,” you replied, not wanting to give much more. But, you added, “He’s not as present as I wish he could be.”

Not a lie, you thought. Because I do wish he was more present. Like, present in my bed, for instance. . .  which he isn’t.

“Why not?” Theo asked, going to lean against your car. 

Just before he could place his jeans-clad butt against your car, you spoke up. “Don’t lean against the car, please,” you tried, feeling uncomfortable that you even had to ask him. You just didn’t want him to scratch or dent your beloved Jetta. 

“Oh,” he said, pouting a bit. “Is the car special to you or something?”

“Well, kind of. Elsie and I shared it when she lived here and still kind of do,” you told him. I also just don’t want just anyone leaning against my car; is that too much to ask?!

He made a noise of acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything further on the matter as he straightened up with a bit of an attitude. “Why isn’t the father present?”

You were not ready to explain. You didn’t know what to begin to say. . . didn’t want to say too much, but you also didn’t want to completely lie. 

“He’s just not able to be fully involved,” you replied, looking down at your nails to pick at a snaggled cuticle. “He does what he can. Just not available to do all I wish he was able to do, I guess.”

It was a diversion and it wasn’t a lie. You just wanted to drop the conversation entirely. 

“What do you mean by all of that?”

I don’t want to answer that, you grumbled internally. And you wouldn’t like the answer, Theodore. 

“I don’t really want to get into it,” you explained, hiding an eye roll with a glance back at your car. You opened your door more, desperate for an escape. And a nap. . . You didn’t have any obligations ton—.

Dammit – you had therapy this evening. You were looking forward to it, but you weren’t really looking forward to having to be in such close quarters to Jake all evening. After last Monday, you hadn’t seen him as much. He was either gone for the album or at the apartment hanging out with the guys to discuss things. A time or two, Maya had been there, forcing you to make a last minute plan with Josh one night and an impromptu dinner plan with your grandparents the other. . . 

It was so incredibly hard being so close while he was forced to be so distant, emotionally – especially after recent events. 

The two of you just weren’t what you wished you could be.

God. Alcohol or weed would be lovely right now. Something to get my mind off of things, you wistfully acknowledged. 

Then, you peered up at the man in front of you – remembered the entire reason you were giving him the time of day to begin with.

The perfect distraction was right here, in front of you. You pushed down the way your skin was buzzing with annoyance, and gave yourself a second to observe him. Maybe it could work out to just make yourself available to him. See where it could lead. . . . 

So, you went ahead and added an ending statement to your earlier explanation, “But. . . . . we aren’t together, I can tell you that much.”

“Yeah?” He smirked, his eyes glinting in the afternoon sun. 

And, your hormones worked in your favor as you eyed him, watched him move. . . he really was so fucking handsome. You couldn’t deny it. The more you allowed yourself to study his structure and looks, the easier it was to let your mind wander. 

He shifted his broad shoulders, his alumni sweatshirt hugging his strong chest so well. . . For what it was worth, Theodore was hot – you could give him that. He was irritating, but perhaps his looks could make up for it if you allowed. . .

And, you couldn’t deny how much you loved the fact that he still seemed interested in you even though you were pregnant. Someone so seriously sexy still wanted you, all bloated and different. . . that was endearing. It was promising and validating. 

“Yeah,” you blushed, looking back into his eyes from his chest. The more you genuinely entertained the thought of Theo, the further your mind traveled of its own accord. . . . You bit your lip as you checked him out, letting your eyes travel to his chest again, and back to his face, flicking over every feature. 

One of your favorite features of his were his hooded eyelids. Even in high school, you’d always liked them on him for some reason. His lids and chiseled facial structure complimented his seafoam-colored irises, shining in the sunlight. As much of an open book he seemed, his model-worthy looks gave him an air of mystery that you enjoyed. 

“Well, that makes it easier for us to plan our date,” he remarked, moving towards you. 

Not sure if it was your raging hormones or what, you weren’t feeling any uneasiness over his proximity. In fact, your body seemed to welcome it with the way your skin heated under the lustful way he peered down at you. Your chest exhaled just enough for your breasts to skim his chest. He was suddenly very close. 

You kept looking into his eyes, craning your neck to look up at him. Your eyelids fluttered with the way his stare was piercing you. What was happening? Where had your annoyance disappeared to?

“I want you, y/n,” he said, voice low. “I don’t give a damn if there’s a baby in you or that it’s another man’s baby . . . I want you just as badly as I did sophomore year of high school. You are perplexingly stunning – inside and out – always have been.” 

Suddenly, with his words and the way his boyish Axe body spray penetrated your senses, you forgot how annoying he was. The Axe body spray didn’t repulse you like his Black Ice car freshener. No, it reminded you of simpler times – he reminded you of life in its simplest form. Being a teenager, a child – when there’d been much less stress. Your mother, further from your thoughts in high school than she’d ever been before. . . no adult obligation to face your past.

Back then, there hadn’t been a Jake entering your life, whose presence prompted you to fucking heal those wounds from your childhood. . . Those dark, twisted past hurts that you’d worked to cover up very well in high school. 

You couldn’t remember why you’d ever been so irritated with him. Because the man standing in front of you right now was not one you were at all angered by. . . He made you feel light and carefree, like you could ignore the hard things and focus on the unimportant. . . You just felt all innocent suddenly, like you had so long ago.

This beautiful man with dirty-blonde hair was clouding your senses – he was the same boy who’d given you so many of your firsts. . . . This person, who was standing in front of you, wanting you just as badly as he had so many years ago. . . He was still so fine, all aggravating traits completely aside.

He stepped closer once more, your breasts aching with the added pressure of his chest. But – you barely had time to wince with the way your breath caught in your throat at his next action. He’d grasped your chin. And was ever-so-slowly leaning his face down towards yours. 

You were not about to stop it. Couldn’t stop it if you wanted. And you definitely didn’t want to. Fuck it.

In seconds, his lips had found yours, giving your lips a welcome, proper kiss. His lips enveloped yours so attractively. You felt like a smitten teenage girl all over again. . . you were back in your grandparents’ driveway the summer before junior year, bidding him goodbye with tears in your eyes, right before he moved away. It’d sucked having to break up. . . because back then? You’d never once been annoyed by him, weren’t so jaded as you were now. You had enjoyed his company, in fact (even if Elsie didn’t much care for it, you had). 

And, you were finding the same feeling slowly coming back. 

Apparently, all you’d needed were a few minutes and a bold kiss to view him in a different light as an adult. 

And baby hormones. Those definitely helped. You were horny as hell more frequently than you wished and you weren’t getting any. 

The kitchen was one night. Jake’s car was one night. But honestly, both instances had left you even worse off than before.

Your body was feeling it.

He gave you one more sure kiss, slipping his tongue just the slightest bit past your lips. It made your pulse quicken and your neck hot, but he didn’t take it further than that. After he’d opened your door further for you, he’d leaned over to give you a tiny kiss on the cheek. 

“I’ll text you,” he promised, winking your way. 

Nodding, you batted your lashes at him, completely at his mercy for the time being. What the fuck had happened in the span of you leaving class and now? 

Whatever it had been, it didn’t last as strongly as you would’ve wished. Because within minutes, with your R&B playlist blasting, you were feeling your phone vibrate against your lap. And when you picked it up to find Theodore’s name on your screen, you felt utterly disappointed. 

Because as cute and strangely endearing as Theo suddenly was to you again, he was not the man you wanted most. It was proven again, as you saw Theo’s name flash across your screen that the only name you wanted to see on your screen was spelled J-a-k-e. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

“I can’t stay to hang out after your session tonight,” Jake mentioned that evening, making a turn, bringing you closer to Gia’s office. “I’m sorry. Maya has this thing that she really wants me to be at, and I can’t let her down.”

Your heart plummeted in your chest, but you acted as though it hadn’t. As much as it hurt to hang out with him, it hurt worse when he’d leave you for her. 

But. . . You knew that wasn’t fair. You’d stolen her boyfriend from her enough already. For every appointment he had to now drive you to, having him grope you in the kitchen, going down on him in his car. . . 

It would be unfair to act as though she was the one asking for too much. He was hers. Him taking you to therapy was what asked too much, her needing him was quite the opposite. It was normal. 

“That’s okay,” you said, tone especially light as the words left your lips. Damn – good act, y/n. Good job. “I want you to be able to be available to her.” As much as it fucking sucks to watch, it’s what life is now.

“Cool. Thanks,” he responded, sounding the slightest bit caught off-guard. Why? Had he expected you to be disappointed? He would’ve been right, but you weren’t about to let it on.

It was quiet for a few moments, then he came to a stop two streets away from the practice. 

“So,” he started. And, as he moved a hand to turn down your playlist, his delicious, new sandalwood-vanilla scented cologne overwhelmed your ability to properly think. It seemed to exude from him with every action he took. 

Your eyes flicked over his hand at his word, seeing his fist go to rest on his Jeep’s gear shift. God. The way his long fingers wrapped so well around the mechanism . . . . You thought of how they felt on your aching–. 

Shaking your head the slightest, you glanced up at him. And, of course, his hauntingly beautiful side profile was even worse to look at than his strong hands. “What’s up?” You asked, voice stronger than you expected.

“Are you ready for tonight’s session?” He asked, eyes finding yours, earnest and genuinely curious. “Do you know what to expect?”

“Well,” you began, swallowing at what may await you tonight. Your eyes found your hands, fiddling with the hem of your oversized t-shirt. “I begin EMDR tonight. I haven’t gone to a dark, nitty-gritty place yet. So, I don’t know what to expect, really, no. . . I’ve only been to my Safe Place. I’m hoping tonight, my brain respects that it’s my first time and doesn’t force me down any too unwanted paths,” you chuckled humorlessly, willing it with your words. “Because I can’t control it – you might’ve read about that during your research. But, that’s why I have the Safe Place that I can escape to when things get too scary.”

Simply put, I’ll find you in the field of Lavender if it becomes too much, you tell him silently, eyes glancing over to his hand again. So strong and sure. . . he really did make you feel so safe. Even when it broke your heart to look at him for too long. 

Goddammit. Your predicament sucked ass.

“Safe Place. . .”

“Yeah, it’s where you go when things become too much in your partial subconscious,” you explained, hoping he wouldn't ask any further about yours. 

“That’s incredibly interesting,” he said, invested in every word. “I have read about it, actually. Lightly, at least. I won’t make you tell me yours. I know it’s a super personal thing,” he assured. Your heart fluttered at his genuine care for the situation. “But yours helps? It’ll be a good place to turn to if things get rocky today?”

“Yeah,” you responded, voice suddenly very teary at the thought of who your Safe Place was. The fact that it was the person sitting next to you, who seemed so honestly caring of the entire situation. Of course your mind had naturally conjured him. The way he made you feel in this moment was enough explanation. Your gaze traveled back over his figure, his soft, black sweater hugging him just right. “It felt like heaven last time,” you breathed, taken by him.

He must have sensed you looking, his eyes catching yours for the briefest moment, scanning your figure so quickly you momentarily thought you’d imagined it. Your tummy somersaulted. Before it could become anything more, the light he’d come to changed to green.

“I’m worried about my heart,” you absentmindedly commented, thinking of your recent run-in with the heart problems and the heart monitor still hidden beneath your shirt. Your eyes were trained on a line of old, weeping trees passing you outside the window. 

He was weaving carefully down a side street in an expensive neighborhood. A neighborhood you’d gotten to know by now on your drives to sessions. Gia’s practice is right around the block. Your heart rate was already increasing at what could be awaiting you when you closed your eyes on her couch. “If it becomes too much, I don’t want my heart to fuckin’ Rick Roll me,” you finished, snorting at the ridiculous analogy. Hardly even made sense.

Jake’s signature laugh bounced throughout the car, sounding like Josh’s . . .but a little different. The sound made your pulse even out. A familiar, nice sound . . . Everything was okay. You’d be okay. 

“Talk to Gia about it beforehand,” Jake suggested, laughter coming to a natural halt. He said the words, right as he pulled into the parking lot of the quaint private practice. “Rick Roll,” he said to himself, under his breath with a sighed laugh.

The office was modernized to the nines inside, all light colors and expensive trimmings. . . But on the outside, all that showed was an older, classic brick office building. 

He switched the car off, pulling the keys from the ignition. The lack of keychains caught your eye, distracting you.

Focus on the matters at hand, y/n. . . 

When he cleared his throat, you looked at him once more. “She will be willing to assist you however you need,” Jake reassured you with a sparkle in his eyes. “Just like she has always done for you. Just trust her.”

“Yeah,” you breathed. Throat clogged with wetness once more, you sniffed as you unbuckled along with Jake. “Trusting is hard for me. Are you coming inside with me?” You couldn’t help but comment on him moving to get out with you.

“Of course I am. I want to be there for you. Waiting in the lobby for you when you get out,” he smiled, opening his door. He looked over at you, raising a brow. “Don’t get out yet. I’ll help you out of this thing.”

Your heart soared at the way he cared, tears daring to fall as he got out to come to your side. 

Seconds later, he was at your door, helping you out of the car. And as you walked through the parking lot to go inside, he huffed a laugh, not as a joke, but as an understanding form of acknowledgment to something. “I get the trust thing, though, honey. Hard for me, too.”

Honey. Always with that nickname these days.

Your line of sight darted to him from the corner of your eye, and you chuckled under your breath to agree. “Yeah. . .,” you said, eyes brushing down to mess with your cuticles for the second time that day. His arm came around your waist briefly, guiding you as you looked down. 

At his touch, your skin became hot through the jacket and t-shirt you wore.

Your mind wandered to a few months ago as he kept a gentle hold on you, keeping you in step with him. The stinging feeling of guilt for making him trust you and then breaking his heart all in a matter of two months. . . . it made you want to scream, cry, yell. . . All at once. 

You did it for his benefit, y/n. Remember? 

But. . . .had you?

Blinking a few times, you focused on the building’s glowing sign, highlighting the early darkness of the winter evening. Finally, you fell back into the conversation, “Trauma response is what I’d call it,” you offered, clearing your throat of any emotion. 

“Exactly,” he concurred. “A coping mechanism.”

Yes! You do get it. Why did you ever have to be an asshole to begin with? Maybe things could’ve been different. . ., your thoughts went back to the first day you’d met him, making your heart lurch in your chest. Or would it have been cut too short, no matter what? Is it simply how my story with you is meant to play out? Have you and then lose you?

The fact that you couldn’t indulge in a relationship with this man was one of the saddest, most unfortunate things the universe could offer you. 

“You ready?” Jake asked, breaking the comfortable silence once you approached the door, his hand on the metal door handle. 

You looked up and into his wide brown eyes, the amber in them sparkling under the parking lot lights. Your eyes studied his face for a second. . . just let yourself have a moment before answering him. Weird as it was, the deep circles under his eyes brought you comfort in that moment. The fact that they were a consistent feature of his, always prominent, made you breathe easier. . . . He was consistent.

He was real. He was here. You were okay. Everything was going to be okay. 

“As I’ll ever be.” 

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: hmmm... ;) what are they getting into? how do you feel about reader being so suddenly interested in theo? what about her plan? do you approve? did you like the bit of insight into jake's perspective?? :o

see you soon for parts 2 + 3, love bugs! <3 prepare yourselves, that's all i'll say........

[luv-indigo]

okay so, redesigning nadine for the third and (hopefully) final time. i felt she looked too similar to soraya (my keyframes fall mc) so i changed nadine up a bit. also!! i was trying to find oc templates to fill out for my visual novel ocs and although there’s so many out there, none were exactly what i was looking for soooo…. I made my own! i’ll post my other our life ocs with them soon but first, nadine ! (again)

I’ve also changed my own mind. Nadine will be my MC for Qiu’s route.

Nadine introduction <3

Nadine spent much of her early childhood moving from place to place, all within her home state of California but oftentimes in different cities. Moving around so often made it hard to keep in contact with friends and after a while made it especially hard making friends in the first place.

When Opal tells Nadine they‘re moving once again, Nadine is surprised to learn they’re moving to Oregon, their neighboring state. This time, she learns it’ll be a more permanent location. Nadine doesn’t know exactly how to feel. She’s so used to moving around that being in a place for so long sounds foreign, weird and new. However, part of her can’t help but feel excited, especially since she gets her own room now! But no matter what, she knows mama will be with her every step of the way.

Upon meeting Qiu and Tamarack, Nadine quickly feels they can be the best of friends. Nadine has always been more of a quiet person but not necessarily shy. Spend enough time with her and you’ll find she can talk quite a lot. Yet she’s perfectly content with simply listening as well.

Nadine is mostly a rule follower. Rules are there for a reason right? She prides herself on being neat and orderly. All her belongings are pristine and in their place because that’s just how she likes it. During step 1, Nadine strongly dislikes getting dirty. Which can be difficult to avoid if you’re playing outside in the woods.

Step Two !!

After four years, Nadine has adjusted well into her new home. Although Nadine needs glasses she very much prefers to use eye contacts instead. It’s also the most convenient when ice skating. She’s taken on ice skating as her main past time and she’s fairly good. Her transportation of choice has been rollerblading so it makes sense she got into ice skating as well.

Her other hobbies are more on the creative side. She enjoys crafting and drawing on occasion. Cosplaying is also one of her major hobbies. For years she has worked on making her Halloween costumes with the help of Mama.

During this time Nadine becomes more of a shy person. During her earlier childhood, she had no problem voicing her thoughts and opinions but it seems now that sort of thing gets harder to do as you age. Thankfully, she has her two close friends to turn to whenever she needs a hand, and in turn she will be there for them as well.

Step Three !!

Nadine has less and less time to do things she wants. If this is how adult life is she wants zero part of it </3

Nadine has always prioritized their studies (although that became much harder to do when middle school started due to her procrastination habits). Now college is weighing on their mind. Nadine still very much enjoys ice skating yet she struggles to make time to practice. Similarly, cosplaying has turning into a year long project (for Halloween of course). Doing multiple cosplays a year is something she doesn’t have time for anymore. Although they are often busy, Nadine will always make time for a special someone and her best friend, Tamarack.

Step Four !!

Nadine’s all grown up </3

Throughout many years Nadine has learned things about themselves and grown into the person they are today. Her experiences and the people she has been around since she was ten years old have impacted her life to mold her into who she is, for better or worse. And honestly, they wouldn’t have it any other way.

And finally this little thing I made with all of Nadine’s doll icons. I had to edit many of them to fit the hair style and clothing options I wanted and it literally took forever </3 ouGh

Also, I apologize for the quality. I tried to preserve it as I was inserting the drawings into the template but resizing may have messed up the quality </3

[anilovie]

thinking about anakin if you’ve had a bad/hard day & coming home to him just being ur safe place to unwind & cry if you need to, & he just UGH is so warm and gentle w uuuuuu i need him

I know it’s not exactly what you asked for but my anxiety has been soooo bad lately, i needed this too 🥲💕 -- thanks for the request!!

WC: 1.8k

CW: mentions of anxiety, angst + fluff, soft ani <3

You’d been on edge for days.

You could tell when it was getting bad again – your sleep schedule was off, your eating habits askew, easily irritated, and unable to stop moving for even a second to allow yourself to think. Thinking meant your thoughts would all come slamming back into you, and nothing was worse than that. 

You were in a piss mood for multiple days in a row, the stress and anxiety getting so bad that you eventually fell into robot-mode. Everything in your life just kept piling on top of each other, from work problems, family issues, even relationship issues. You just came from a work meeting, which only seemed to add 10 tons to the plate you were already struggling to hold. These days, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Not to mention, you missed Anakin.

Your relationship was still new, and you’d been distancing yourself lately so he wouldn’t bear the brunt of your moodiness. Once you got everything handled– if you could just get a little better– that’s when you’d seek him out again.

“Y/n,” speak of the devil.

Usually, his deep voice would be met with a flurry of butterfllies in your stomach, but not today. Now, it was met with a sinking feeling.

Anakin was sitting on a bench outside the training room, fiddling with something on the hilt of his lightsaber. He had an ankle crossed over his knee, robes spilling over his shoulders, and usually you’d be delighted to see his pretty face.

You skid to a stop before him, frozen like a deer in headlights. “Anakin.”

He uncrossed his leg and leaned toward you, voice lowering so only you could hear.

“Where have you been? Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

You rocked back on your heels, twisting your fingers all in a knot. “Sorry, Anakin. I've just been busy.”

“Are you okay?”

“‘M Fine.”

He’d never heard that sort of dullness in your voice before. Never seen that… exhaustion in your gaze. He could see that you were trembling, even just standing there before him, like a storm was brewing beneath your skin… but your gaze was glaringly empty. He frowned, tugging gently at your wrist. “Come with me.”

Dread dumped over you like a bucket of ice water. The last thing you wanted was to be confronted – Anakin was supposed to be your safe space. You didn’t want to taint him with any of this. Didn’t wanna ruin his perception of you, of his good, sweet, brave, strong girl. 

He pulled you into an empty battle-planning room, the lights dimmed so it was all shadowy inside. He closed the door and turned to you, concern etched into his handsome face. 

“Y/n, tell me that truth. What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? What’s wrong?? 

Everything was wrong. Just the thought of it had wet, hot tears rushing to your eyes, the ones you promised yourself you wouldn't let appear. Before he could see, you ducked your head and covered your face with the crook of your arm, hiding from him.

You tried to swallow it down, the unexpected emotion so thick you couldn’t choke any words past. Your silence was answer enough– Anakin immediately reached out to touch you, but you shifted back an inch.

“‘M sorry,” your voice came out high-pitched and shaky, voice breaking. You were too ashamed to let him touch you. 

Quickly, your sleeves became soaked in the hot tears you tried to stuff back into your eyes. You could hear your breaths grow quicker and quicker in your ears, a squeezing sensation in your chest furthering your panic. Your head was dizzy, unable to think past the fact that you were crying in front of Anakin, and you were so ashamed about it, you couldn't stop shaking, and you couldn’t breathe–

“Hey,” Anakin called your name in a soft hush, reaching for you again. This time, you let him pull you closer, hand encircling your waist, carefully guiding you back to him. You were still hiding in your arm, scrubbing at your face and muttering “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay,��� as if to convince yourself you were.

He crouched before you, trying to be on your level so you would look at him already. When you finally let him tug your arms away, his heart ached at the sight – your eyes were all red, cheeks flushed and shining with tears. You looked exhausted, embarrassed, and… scared. 

“Talk to me,” he murmured, allowing a warm hand to cup your cheek and brush the tears away with his thumb.

You still couldn’t look him in the eye, avoiding his worried gaze as you studied the robes over his chest. You were still trembling like a leaf in the wind, muscles tensed and gut rolling as everything you’d been suppressing washed over you like a tsunami.

“I’ve just– I just–” you sniffled, twisted your hands together, another tear trailing its way down your face. “Well, y’know I get anxious sometimes…” you muttered, breaths hiccuping in your chest. 

Anakin hummed his agreement, urging you on.

“t’s just been really bad lately,” the admission felt like defeat. Pathetic, worthless defeat. Another wave of tears made your voice turn into a whimper, almost ending the sentence as a sob. But Anakin pulled you into him, tucking your head under his chin and against his chest, arms winding themselves around you.

You muffled your soft cries in his Jedi robes, clutching them in your fists to ground you. 

“I just want it to go away,” you hiccuped. “I don’t know how to make it stop.”

“Shhh, honey, ‘ts okay,” his touch was gentle against your back, rubbing up and down in soothing motions. “I’ve got you -- I've got you.”

You felt like you could cry and cry and never stop. The feeling would never go away, you would always feel like there was something chasing you, hunting you, waiting for something to go wrong, always on edge, even in your sleep.

But at least his chest was warm. And he smelled like Anakin – your Anakin – and his arms were strong around you. Nothing was going to hurt you in this room. Not while you were with him.

After a long, long while, you were finally able to pull away a bit to gulp in multiple deep breaths. Your chest didn’t feel so heavy anymore, but now you were just exhausted – mentally and physically. 

Rubbing at your sore eyes, sniffling, you mumbled, “‘M sorry, Anakin. I haven’t been avoiding you on purpose. Jus’ didn’t want you to see me like that.”

He sighed softly, shifting so that one of his knees was planted on the ground for balance. His hand traveled back to your face, smoothing the hair that got messed up back behind your ear. “You don’t have to hide from me. Ever,” his words were stern, but his voice was honey-sweet. “Especially not something like this.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he shook his head, eyes bright with intensity. “I want to help you, you know.” 

Your lip quivered, nodding in understanding.

“Look at me?” he requested, gently directing your chin down between his thumb and pointer finger. You blinked at the ground for a moment before lifting your eyes, meeting his shining blue ones, filled with concern. His face softened as soon as you looked at him, the corner of his mouth tiling up a little. “There she is.”

“Hmph,” you ducked your head again, embarrassed. You’d never cried – truly cried – in front of him before. And now that the anxiety had been flushed from your system, all that was left was the shame. 

You should be better than this, letting the emotion pierce you so deeply. Letting it get so bad. You should have had a better handle on it by now.

“Stop beating yourself up,” Anakin whispered, thumb swiping at your bottom lip to still the quivers. “You’re okay. I promise.”

You nodded again, obedient, but the more you heard the words the more they felt real. 

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked, head tilting to the side. 

You shrugged. “Just work stuff. Family stuff. I dunno… just need to stop thinking so hard about everything, I guess.”

“Hmm,” he agreed. “Anything I can help with?”

“Not really,” you whispered.

“No?” his brows drew down, a little crease forming between them. “When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Mmm… yesterday.” Your stomach had been twisting and turning for days now, too nauseous to eat much of anything. 

His frown deepened. “That was over 24 hours ago, sweetheart. When’s the last time you drank something?”

“This morning.” 

You didn’t have to look at him to know what expression he was making. Letting go of your face, he dropped his hands to pull the both of yours apart, keeping them from twisting at each other any further. He curled your fingers into your palms, holding them warm and steady in his as he said, “How about I take you back to your room and make you something good, hm? Then you can take a nap, and we can watch a movie or something later tonight. Get your mind off everything?”

You finally lifted your gaze to him willingly, hopeful yet tired. “You’re not too busy?”

“‘Course not. I’m all yours tonight, no matter what,” his thumb rubbed patterns on the back of your hand, lips tilting up in another sweet, encouraging smile. “How’s that sound?”

“I– I’d like that,” you nodded your head, voice still too soft and quiet for his liking, but at least it wasn’t shaking anymore. “What’re you gonna make?”

“Whatever you want,” he insisted, hoping his smile would rub off on you. “What about that soup I made a while back? The one I made for Obi-Wan’s birthday? You really liked that, remember?”

“Oh,” you cooed, glossy eyes brightening a bit at the memory. “Yeah. That sounds good.” 

“Okay, then I’ll make that.” He was still crouched before you, letting his eyes wander over your face for a moment more, thinking something you couldn’t decipher. Before you could ask, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your still-damp cheek.

“You’re gonna be okay. You know that, right?"

Your lashes shuttered, and strangely, the world didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

“Right. I’ll be okay.” You took a deep breath, sucking the air in and puffing it back out, breathing life into the words as they floated between you.

Before he could stand back up, you wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Thanks, Ani. I feel a little better now.”

You couldn’t see, but he was smiling into your shoulder. “Good,” he murmured, petting your back again. Then he pulled away and rose to his full height, grabbing your hand in his.

Neither of you cared if anyone saw as he led you out of the room, falling into step beside you as you headed home together. 

[hanjisungslag]

attack on titan headcanons #8

## - when they get jealous

genre - angst & fluff

pairing - aot x reader

word count -

warnings - none!

notes - i might start uploading more than once a month.. christmas specials coming soon😈

EREN JAEGER -

lil’ bro gets soooo mad. jean was chit chatting to you about something you guys had in common and there was too much laughing, giggling and jean was FAR too close. like he doesn’t need to be making you laugh first of all, but then being all up in your business?!? nahhh, eren was NOT having it.

“‘that’s it. i’m going up to him, how DARE HE—” then he feels a tug on his shirt and gets yanked back right into his seat.

“you need to learn how to chill out, eren.” reiner says, lecturing him “i know it looks bad, but it’s gonna be embarrassing for you and y/n if you go up there and cause an argument.”

god, he’s right. eren knew he was. but, he was SO angry, he needed to let out his anger somehow! the only option was to go to the dorm and just start punching shit.

MIKASA ACKERMAN -

silence suddenly took over in mikasa and sasha’s conversation. sasha slowly turned to her left to see what had mikasa in such shock and there you were with none other than ymir. ymir had her arm right above you, looking down on you. what the fuck did she think she was doing?! mikasa was furious and you could tell she was just by her energy. it was pure silence but those looks could kill.

sasha decided it was probably best for her to step back a bit.. she was also terrified that mikasa would kill her with one glance although she wasn’t doing anything bad..

ARMIN ARLERT -

as armin was strolling around town, he sees you! he starts walking over, shouting your name through the busy crowds of the town centre when he sees you and bertholdt.. laughing, bumping shoulders, looking through what seemed to be like some sort of gift shop. armins never really the jealous type, he doesn’t like to get worked up over things like that but something about this made his stomach turn.

he decided to head back to the dorms.

eventually, when you and bertholdt came back from your little shopping trip - you obviously, go to go see armin! you knock on his door and gently start pushing it open,

“hey babe~ whatcha doing?”

“oh nothing, just uh, sharpening my blades ready for tomorrow” he tried to put on a smile because he really doesn’t want to start anything. he just wants to act like nothings happened.

“oh.. well then. i- erm, i got you something today..”

“w-what?” he swung his head around to face you

“yeah! i know you’ve been wanting those maps of the outside world but i didn’t know where to find them but bertholdt did, so he took me to the shops!”

armins jaw dropped. first of all, maps of the outside world?!? that’s incredible! but also.. that whole situation that made him so jealous, was about buying something for him? god. he feels SO silly.

SASHA BRAUS -

honestly, this queen isn’t the jealous type. i feel like she doesn’t care over little things like touching, laughing, spending time with others - it’s the BIG things like if someone’s trying to flirt with you. but even then, she doesn’t feel jealous. she loves you and you love her and that’s enough for her.

there was a celebratory party with the military after you guys finally caught the female titan. this include the whole military obviously the survey corps but even garrisons and military police.

a girl from the garrisons, whom you’ve never met before, makes her way over to you and strikes up a conversation. you think nothing of it until she starts laughing, shoving you away by your shoulder and then.. she started flirting. as you were about to calm the situation down before she got any ideas, your girlfriend walks over.

“hey babe” sasha exclaims

“oh, sasha!” you say in shock, you really hope she isn’t upset.

“hey i’m sasha, i don’t think we’ve met before!” she puts her hand out to the girl, “by the way, this is my s/o. i don’t mind you guys talking but boundaries! thanks.” she giggles slightly.

“oh god— this is so embarrassing. i’m so sorry, i have to go.” the girl says before she runs off.

“sasha, i’m so sorry. i was just about to tell her” you quickly explain yourself

“it’s fine! honestly, i know that you love me and i love you. i trust you” she says, giving you a tender smile.

CONNIE SPRINGER -

he tries to act soo nonchalant. but omg he’s so jealous because, he sees armin as this insanely intelligent, witty, incredible leader and you, also being crazy smart, tend to help armin out with plans for the survey corps.

“i already sent some soldiers to do some scouting around that area, they’ll be back in a couple of hours”

“god armin!”

“what..”

“it’s like you read my mind! i was literally gonna ask to go do that.” you giggle slightly at the coincidence. armin lets out a sigh of relief and says ‘y/n!! don’t scare me like that, i thought i did something wrong!” you both giggle at armins fright but as you two were laughing away, little did you know, a mr. connie springer was watching from the crack in the door.

connie quickly walked off after he realised he was literally eavesdropping on you and armin. ‘why am i feeling so jealous? god, get a grip connie.’ he thought to himself and he stomps down the corridor, getting far away from you two in that room.

eventually, you find connie chilling outside, “connie!!” you run towards him in excitement. “i’m so sorry, i’ve been stuck in that room planning with armin all day. but i missed you so much” you say before wrapping your arms around him.

“ugh, babe. it’s fine, seriously!” he says hugging you back, slightly too tight.. “connie. cant. breathe.” he quickly lets you go, “shit, sorry.”

you raise an eyebrow and ask “are you sure you’re okay..?” “what?! what a preposterous accusation!” he says defensively “okay now i know somethings wrong. since when do you say ‘preposterous’?”

he sighs in defeat, he cant lie any longer “okay fine. i just got a bit.. jealous.. when you were with armin today, okay? armins super smart and so are you, so maybe you two should just marry each other and have super smart babies” he says, as he slides down a post, hitting the ground with a thud.

“connie…” you slide down to sit next to him, “connie, i know you think me and armin are super smart but, i think YOU’RE super smart. you’re so emotionally and socially intelligent. i love that about you and not even just that, i love everything about you! and if i’m gonna get married and have super smart babies with anyone, it’s gonna be you.” you say as you give me a sweet, genuine smile.

thank god you know him so well or else he would’ve never had said anything.

JEAN KIRSTEIN -

is that what jean think he just saw? y/n, HIS partner with eren jaeger?? oh wow. greatttt, no it’s fine.

IT IS NOT FINE. why were you talking with him and why did you both seem so happy? this jealous anger that was building up inside of jean quickly switched so sadness. this man was so heartbroken.

his ego just felt it got crushed by a 100 buses. his first instinct was to fight eren as usual but, it had been a while since their last fight honestly and if anything.. jean looked up to eren. sort of. he really appreciated his boldness, his strength and his willingness to keep going no matter what. although, he was still a suicidal maniac.

jean already felt like second place to eren in most things but now his partner? really?! jean couldn’t take it anymore so he decided to go on a walk in trost, maybe even pop by his house and have his mum make him an omelette.

after you were done talking to eren, you go to find jean but.. he’s no where to be seen? and after EXTENSIVE searching for the whole place - you knew where he had gone. you get to trost as fasttt as possible and end up at his house, talking to his mother. she lets you inside, of course, offers you tea and omelette, which you politely decline and head straight for jeans childhood room.

you slowly open the door, the old creaking letting jean know of your presence before you even said a word. “hi babe..” you say slightly awkwardly, “so, how come you ended up here?” you ask and you slowly make your way towards the bed. jean stares at you as he chews his omelette, which he eventually swallows and continues to stare at you. “why were you with eren?” he eventually asks after some silence “oh jean! really? that’s what this is about?” you ask, slightly annoyed.

“yes it is!” he exclaimed and jumped off his bed in anger “do you know how—” he begins to choke up “how much i hate yet respect eren? he’s so much better than me in so many aspects and he has some god awful traits but also some incredible ones that people could only DREAM of having.” tears begin to stream down his face and before he says another word, you jump up and wrap your arms around him.

you guys stand there momentarily. while still hugging, you say to him “i’m sorry, jean. i didn’t know you felt like that. i just- i hope you know how much i admire you more than anyone else. it’s not just because we’re together, it’s because you’re an amazing person.“ you slowly pull away from him “you may look up and respect eren, but i look up to YOU.” you wipe his tears gently “and so do so many other people.” you smile tenderly at him.

he’s such a lucky guy to have someone like you.

REINER BRAUN -

big bro does not get jealous. sorry but, this man is too perfect. he doesn’t get jealous because why would he? he knows you love him and that’s more than enough for him. he genuinely trusts you with every fibre of his being however, he doesn’t trust other people.

it’s less of a jealously thing and more of a protective one. he doesn’t get jealous if someone’s flirting with you, he gets protective over you. like get the fuck away from my s/o, bro!!

ANNIE LEONHART -

hot take: annie gets so jealous and so insecure when someone she believes you could like gets too close with you.

the ONLY REASON she would ever get so jealous or insecure is because you guys are in a relationship. this cold demeanour that she keeps up with around everyone else is not a thing when she’s around you, she just feels so herself and so authentic around you and the thought of that getting taken away scares the ever living shit out of her.

so, when she sees you chatting it up with sasha, she shits herself. now usually, sasha wouldn’t faze her but sashas bright, outgoing personality seems like something that you would like and that’s terrifying.

however, annie doesn’t say a WORD about how jealous she’s feeling. she’s already scared enough but she’s more scared to piss you off by saying something. but, that’s your mfing girlfriend!! you know when there’s something wrong with her, so obviously you asked,

“annie, are you okay? you’ve been really off lately.”

she looks at you confusingly “what? i’m fine.”

no she’s not.

“i know when somethings wrong, so just tell me!”

she doesn’t even look at you. she cant bare to face you right now. while she’s ignoring you, you think long and hard about what could be wrong and you finally come to a conclusion..

“omg. you’re not jealous i’m spending them with sasha, are you?”

annie’s eyes widen in shock, how did you know?! well, now you’ve said something, i suppose there’s no point in lying.

“yes, i am. you caught me.” annie puts her hands up in defeat.

“annie~ you silly bugger! there’s no need to be jealous, it’s just sasha, she’s just my friend. as great as she is, i could never date her..” you say reassuringly.

annie smiles slightly, “i appreciate that, y/n..”

BERTOLT HOOVER -

connie springer. most people wouldn’t be jealous of a 5’2 teenage boy but this 6’3 teenage boy is. connie is just so outgoing, bright and funny and bertolt is scared that you may just find him better than him.

so when he sees you two acting really close, he starts freaking THE FUCK OUT. he’s soooo flipping scared, he’s genuinely scared to face you again.

when you you over to him after being with connie, he just freezes and you’re so confused, “bertolt, what’s up with you?” you ask “o-oh, um, it’s nothing. i just couldn’t sleep last night.” he says, sounding very unconvincing. for the next week, he does EVERYTHING for you, just hoping that that’ll be enough to override connie’s impeccable humour.

“hey y/n, you can have the rest of my food! i don’t want it.” he says as he holds out his plate to you.

“bert.. why do you keep giving me your food? and making my bed? and washing my clothes? and just doing everything..?”

oh my god, he’s fucked it. HES DONE TOO MUCH, WHAT DOES HE DO NOW??

“i- umm. well—” he freezes.

you pat the seat next to you “come here, what’s wrong?”

he sighs “well.. you’ve been hanging out with connie a lot and i don’t know, he’s just a great guy..”

“bert..” you say sorrowfully, “connie may be a good guy, but you’re the greatest guy i know! there’s no need to ignore me or try to impress me. i love you just the way you are.”

bertolt puts his head in his hands “god, you’re right. i was being silly wasnt i?” he said sheepishly

you giggle at his embarrassment “yes, very silly.”

LEVI ACKERMAN -

brother, this man has been through enough shit. honestly, he doesn’t get jealous - the worst that could happen to you is you dying. which happens to everyone he loves. if for someone reason you were to cheat or break up with him and move on to someone else, at least he knows you’re happy and loved.

“hey levi, i’m going to help erwin with something, will you be okay on your own?” you ask

“yes, i’ll be fine, y/n.”

“i’m sorry if i’ve been with erwin more often lately, it’s just that-”

he cuts you off, “y/n, it’s fine. i seriously don’t mind you spending time with him for whatever reason.”

you look at him sweetly “okay.. sorry. i’m gonna go now, i love you!”

“yeah, yeah.”

“I SAIDDD.. i love you” you say as you give him a wide smile

he sighs “i love you too.”

ERWIN SMITH -

nile dok. always going around trying to take erwin’s partners man😭.

you’ve been in wall sina with the military police a lot lately, dealing with all the shit they’ve got going on and therefore, you’ve come in contact with their former commander, nile dok, A LOT.

although erwin had chosen the secrets of the titans over marie, doesn’t mean he wasn’t lightly suspicious and jealous when you kept mentioning nile. however, this is erwin smith, he’s a grown and mature man and what do grown and mature men do? talk about their problems!!

“y/n?”

“yes..?”

he chuckles slightly before speaking “gosh, this is going to sound so silly now i’m thinking about it. but, is anything happening between you and nile?”

you burst out laughing “what?! me and nile? erwin, come on now!”

he rubs his forehead “i knew it was silly.. i was just feeling a bit jealous, that’s all.”

you sympathise with him very quickly “aww erwin” you go into hug him “i’m sorry, i know i’ve been there a lot but i promise, there’s nothing happen, just pure innocent work.” you say as you rub his back.

you both pull away “i do know that, i think i just wanted some reassurance that’s all.” he says.

HANGE ZÖE -

what is y/n doing.. talking to mr. levi ackerman? aha.

now.. hange wouldn’t think much of this, but they could see what people would like and appreciate levi, especially after seeing how petra was with him - for someone reason, they can’t shake this feeling of jealously! what does one do when they’re jealous? get angry? cry? talk to their partner?

nope. hange is going to distract themselves until they simply forget. they begin to get super indulged in their work like i’m talking, you’ll leave the lab and they’ll say they’ll be another 5 minutes then you go back in the morning and they’re STILL there. researching titans over and over, taking any mission they possibly can, yapping about random stuff over and over, and eventually, you reach a breaking point.

“and then i said YOU CANT DO THA—”

“OKAY HANGE. hange..” you yelled

hange looked shocked at the sudden outburst and quickly shut their mouth.

“hange, what on earth is going on here?! why’ve you been indulging yourself in your work more than usual? you’re spending hours and hours on work and random stuff and i feel like i haven’t been able to get a word into our conversations lately!”

hange stops and reflects, oh my god. has it really been that bad? hange just wanted to do a little more work than usual, to distract themselves but clearly it’s been much more.

“i-i-” hange is speechless for once. “i-i’m sorry. i’m sorry y/n, oh my god!! what have i been doooiiinnngg..?” they slam their head on the table in front of them

“i don’t know, what have you been doing? i wanna know!” you ask, feeling slightly frustrated.

“god, y/n!! i’ve been so stupid, i was JEALOUS over you and LEVI, OUT OF PEOPLE?!” it’s like it all hit them at once, how crazy and silly they’ve been.

“i am soooo sorryyyy, snuchems” they say, pouting. “please, tell me a really long story so i’ll finally shut up for a few hours, i’m begging you. im sick of hearing myself at this rate!” they say with their hands clasped together, pleading with you.

“first of all, forgiven. second of all, LEVI ACKERMAN REALLY? third of all..” you look mischievous.

“okay so it started when i was 13 right and i was still living—”

[oh-katsuki]

your cup of espresso sits untouched and cooling on the dinner table. you have it after dinner every night, one sugar cube evenly dissolved through the mixture, giving it an almost syrupy flavor that is lovely to sip. it's bitter, but the right kind of bitter, and somehow so impossibly sweet. a perfect finish to the day.

the black screen of your phone sits unobtrusively beside your wrist. you pick it up idly, illuminating it with a quick tap of your finger. a few new notifications, instagram, snapchat, texts, twitter notifications you don't care about. nothing really all too pressing.

you tap to open up your contacts, scrolling and coming to a stop at his name. gojo satoru with a little red heart beside it.

at first, you only tap on it to look. it's not really like you had any plan to text or ring him. you just wanted to look at his contact card, maybe stare for a few minutes at the smiling, half ugly photo of him set as his contact picture. you're in the background of it, grabbing his upper arm to get his attention. it's a photo from a work meetup and nanami took it. somehow, it's come to mean a lot more to you than just a contact photo. you sigh, contemplating the phone call and then, without much fanfare, you click the button.

it rings in your ear as you put it up to the side of your head. your heart pounds in your chest, waiting for the ringing to come to a stop, maybe to hear his voice. it's been a long while since he's answered your calls though and you let out a humorless laugh as his voicemail plays.

"hey, you've reached gojo satoru. sorry i missed your call, i'm just soooo busy—" someone interrupts him, "hey can't you see im recording my voicemail message?" there's a small noise and then he's back, closer now. "—anyway, leave a message at the beep and maybe i'll call you back."

he'd set it in high school and his voice is a familiar and delightful higher pitch. you'd always told him that he needed to change it to something more mature, but he'd always blink at you and give you the same answer.

"who the hell would be calling me?" he'd say. "think i'm applying for another job or something?"

and you could never really argue with it. sure, you could've told him that it was immature, but at the end of the day he was right. it's not like he'd ever planned to change professions and professional conduct meant fuck-all when he was the strongest sorcerer of the modern age.

"hey," you start, clearing your throat, "it's me again. i don't know why i thought you'd actually answer my call this time, just sort of felt like you would. it was nice to hear your voice though, even if it was your voicemail message."

you run your finger along the grain in the wood of your table, tracing its intricate pattern with a light touch.

"i made that strawberry shortcake thing today." you're not really sure why you're telling him that. "you know, the one with the cream instead of frosting. it was good, kinda hard to make the actual cake though. the house smells good now. but yeah, i had a day off for once so i just sort of... hung around." you can feel your bottom lip growing raw with the way you chew on it between sentences. there's not really a reason that you called him. nothing particularly interesting has happened to you, let alone anything he'd care about, but you just felt like talking. still do, even if it's to his voicemail box, and you continue speaking into it about your day.

you like to think he couldn't be bothered to answer the phone. lazy, in some way, to answer your needy call. you like to think that maybe he'd seen the call, his phone ringing on the counter, from where he was in the shower. he'll listen to your voicemail and call you when he's out and dry to ask about trying the cake, maybe.

"would have been nice to see you. it's been like... two months since we've met up. i know you're probably busy though. doing whatever it is you do on the weekend, not that i really know anymore."

the kitchen light suddenly seems too bright, casting its artificial yellow glow down on the center of your table. you reach up to rub your temples. there's a dull throb beginning behind your eyes and in the bridge of your nose. it's almost like you're about to cry and as you sniffle quietly into the receiver, you can feel the swell of emotions as it rises in you.

"i really miss you, satoru," you say with a defeated sigh. "i know i probably sound like a broken record and that your phone storage must really be taking a hit, but i do. you probably get a kick out of knowing that though," the laugh that comes from you is muddled as your nose begins to run, and you reach quickly to wipe it. "wish you'd call me back. or come home, maybe. it's funny, i keep thinking that you'll come in the door any minute and the feeling never really... stops."

you clear your throat again, putting your tongue in your cheek and steeling your nerves a little.

"well, i'll let you go now," you swallow, laughing a little like the statement is silly. he's not really on the phone. it doesn't matter all that much how long the voicemail is. "stop before the voicemail lady cuts me off. but yeah, i just wanted to call. i keep hoping that you'll pick up. who knows, right?"

there's a short pause and then you inhale, straightening your back.

"i love you," you say. "always have. i'll call you tomorrow too, so... yeah. i love you, satoru. bye."

you pull your phone away from the side of your face, clicking the end call button a little too quickly before putting it face down on the table. it's comforting to call him, but it hurts too. there's always the hope that he'll answer. that by some miraculous turn of events, the ringing will stop short and he'll draw out a hello in a pleasant tenor hum. of course, he'd know exactly who's calling. satoru always did.

maybe you'll pay him a visit tomorrow, say all of this directly to him, though you haven't had the courage yet to visit that little stone plaque. it's a little too hard, for now. it's easier to think that he's ignoring your calls than incapable of answering them all together.

someday, his voicemail will fill up and you'll have to confront the truth. it will fill up, you'll be greeted by the voice mailbox full message, and there will be no one on the other end to clear it.

[r3starttt]

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME | 03

fic M.list | read this or DNI

an: pretty short BUT it’s because nsfw part it’s gonna be long soooo I’ll do it separately, stay tuned y’all 😍☝️

"Is it better to speak or to die?" Your mom says, gently running her fingers all over your arm. Your dad, on the other side, kept his gaze fully fixated on your mom, who kept on reading a German novel.

It was raining, the type of rain to male everyone want to sleep, the one that could be perceived as white noise. Outside there was barely sunlight, the ambience was cold and the sky was all gray. You found comfort in it.

Lights went off, all at once, no warning at all. "You know we...you can always talk to us, yeah?" Your dad whispers, taking you out of that trance you've been since yesterday. Do they know? Does she know?

You simply nodded, reciprocating the sheepish smile your parents were giving you as a sort of comfort you kept ignoring you needed.

-

You can feel her eyes all over your body. The sound of her legs moving around the water, accompanied by the birds chirping, it makes you nauseus.

She wasn't here yesterday, and you simply could not stop thinking of her, what she did, and with who? Why not you and why, no matter how hard you tried, it couldn't be you the one.

If it wasn't because of the sunglasses you'd be out of here in less then a second, hiding in your room and pretending to not notice when she arrives home or leaves, pretending to not hear her muffled whines right next to you every night, pretending to not take a quick look outside your balcony whenever you hear her swimming, or pretending to not slick your ear to the bathroom door whenever water starts running. Because ironically, you do hate her, and it seems like the longer she stays the less you can handle her.

"Gotta go to town in a little bit to pick some things up" Abby con barely finish her sentence when you're already replying. Your voice elicts a smile on her face, pretty cocky as usual "Oh, I can go. I'm not doing anything today"

She just shrugges, taking her legs out of the water "then why don't we go together?" Your elbows act before you let them, forcing you to stand almost right when her voice is heard. You hated her for this.

-

You kept remembering the first time you brought her her. It was impossible to not regret it, after all it felt like suicide. You've done this to yourself just to not be a stubborn daughter for once.

It's strange, even when she first came you knew something was different, that's what lead you to act different for once. Maybe it wasn't you but her the problem.

You opened your mouth, letting her place the cigarette on it. She'd been making you wait for a while and your hands were busy, so far this was the only decent thing she's done for you, and it's not even on purpose. The lighter came closer to your face, and so did she. You haven't seen her this close, it's probably the first time you get to see what colors her eyes are. And even when it takes seconds, the contact it's enough for you, and you can swear you feel the warmth coming out of her body as well.

"I thought you didn't smoke?" You can see her siluette walking vaguely around you, taking her bicycle again "I don't" The defensiveness in her voice, you reciprocated her foolish smile.

"So, world War two, huh?" The metal of the bicycle had barely hit the railing that protected the omenage when she was already walking away from you, again. "No, this is world War one"

A 'huh' brushes past her lips. Abby restes her elbows on the railing, letting out a small hiss at the warmth of it. How stupid, you think.

"I don't even know about the.. battle of Piavé?" Her sandals hit the ground at her every step, hands running along the railing. "Píave, one of the most lethal battles of World War one" your hands rest on your stomach, crossed to support each other. And even though your eyes are looking at the statue in front of you, you can still feel her essence neare you, eating you alive with just the eyes.

"Is there anything you don't know?" You knew for a fact she meant to be nice right now, but you felt like putting some force on it, some sort of invisible barrier, because once you let her have her chance with you, you wouldn't stop her. And it wasn't meant to be, it couldn't. "I know nothing Abby"

You shocked your head, walking on the opposite side to where she kept resting. Taking a long deep drag of the cigarette "is that so? Because you seem to know more than anybody else around here". You both had sunglasses on, but even like that every time your glances coincided, the feeling was so strong it felt palpable.

"If you only knew how little I know about the things that matter" there's a sarcastic tone on your voice, unintentional but real. "What things that matter?" She clicked her tongue, extending her arms so the palms of her hands could be fully resting on the metal fence. "You know what things". Your arms crossed over the fence, hiding your face in between.

"Why're you telling me this? The smells of the cigarette suddenly became unbearable. "'Cause I thought you should know?" Even though she's away from you her laugh is still audible enough "Because you thought I should know?" There's a hidden tone on her voice you just can't decipher, and it causes you such a painfull feeling each time it appears, like you're the one doing it all wrong, like you're the adult. "'Cause I wanted you to know?" You tried to fix it, immediately regretting it.

You both walked to what was left ot the fence, each on one side. You kept repeating your las sentence, how stupid it sounded, how stupid you are. Until you're face to face again with her, and you feel so mature, so understood.

Her left hands is placed on her waist, one knee slightly flexioned and the other hand taking the cigarette away from her mouth as she lets the smoke fly to your face. She seemes hesitant, nothing she's ever been with around you but only when your mom's around. She's afraid.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" You do the same, admiring how the smoke passes through her face so gracefully. Quietly nodding as her eyes wander all over your face. Have you get it?

Before you realized your head was resting on her chest, the only thing visible now were both of your feet against each other "Shouldn't have said anything" Abby moves her free hand to your back, making small circles over it as she heard your statement. "Just pretend you never did"

The moment you threw your cigarette on the floor she did It too, gently pushing you away. The sound of the sandals brushing the pavement was comforting, human, and it meant you two were, after all, the same in some sort of way.

"What does that mean? We're on speaking terms, but not really?" You mock. "It means we can't talk about those kinds of things, okay?" You don't know when but at some point your teeth were biting on your inner lips, painfully hard. You couldn't look at her, she felt like someone you should fear, and you still hated her. "We just can't"

She gave you one last pat on the shoulder, it felt wrong how motherly she was. Maybe you were the one wrong after all. You just waited for her to get her sheets, unsure still of what they were.

Maybe it was karma, they were all a disorder and not whorth the wait, or that's what you heard her say as she walked towards you, clearly annoyed.

-

"The Alpi Orobie, water comes straight down from there"

This was your form of apologizing, taking her to your place, a small lake away from everything and everyone. She seemed to enjoy it.

It was quiet besides the birds chirping and the water running. After the rain the sun comes lighter than ever, good timing you guess. It wasn't practically hot, just nice enough.

"I like the way you say things. Don't know why you're always putting yourself down, though" she whispers. Abby really wanted to make things better, she felt the same way you felt for her. But it felt wrong to be the mote mature between both, acting like the stupid one just to get you. She was trying to fix this, and it was torture that you simply never gave her the chance to, no matter what she did or said you always had something smarter to make her sound lame. "So you won't, I guess?"

"You're really that afraid of what I think?" You bite your inner lips again, tasting the mix of blood and saliva mixing on your tongue. Simply nodding once again, dragging your feet to get closer to her until both yours and her fingers are touching. "You're making it hard for me" "I know"

Quietly, grabbing her hand you drag her to a small piece covered in grass. She'd give you enough signals to take what you needed of her, at least for today, and you weren't planning on waisitng it.

Her whole body is covered by the sunlight and you swear she's never looked this good. The strands of her hair gracefully dancing along the breeze passing by her face. Her white blouse covered in wet, letting you have the most delicious sight of her body.

Not even sitting and you have her on top of you. Middle finger running over your lips and your tongue containing on its space, painfully. You wanted- needed to suck her fingers, to feel every inch of her body, and it was torture to not have it.

Abby knew what you wanted, she was craving it as much as you. But for the first time in her whole life, she'd losen control about everything, and you were the one behind it. The reason she's been touching herself till sleep every night, the reason she even considered to stay for months in Italy. You had made of her and her life a chaos, and somehow that made her hate you as much as you hated her. It was hilarious how she even ended like this, whit someone like you.

Her lips pressed on yours, two tender kisses that she despised more than anything in this life. Not because of you but because of her being the one to initiate them and you the ones to cut them off.

And it's not that you wanted to, but this was driving you insane, because it felt like you've imagined, but somehow you've finally made conscious about what this stupid kisses mean, for both.

There's a trail of saliva connecting your lips as she pushes you away, so abruptly it almost hurst. Not only physically but mentally, making you wonder if she even meant it in the first place. "Better now?" Her cocky voice makes you want to punch her right in those lips until she can't ever speak again. You remember why you hate her since the moment you ever saw her or heard her voice.

Not fair, she gets what she wants until she doesn't want it anymore. You're just one more of her interests that will eventually fade away.

Without thinking you push her back, making her lay on the grass. It pinchs on your bare legs the moment you sit on top of her, not even the nature is being pity with you. She reciprocates the kiss tho.

"Mmm-mmm" you hear, feeling the vibrations on your lips and her hands on your waist one more, begging you tu move away and stop this. To pretend it didn't happen like what she said some hours ago.

You hate yourself for this. But you obbey. Abby repeatedly says 'no' pulling away from you. Her hand dances over her lips, getting rid of what was left from your desperation on her face. "We should go"

"Why?" You tease, opening your legs on one last attempt to get her at least for one minute more. "I know myself, okay? And we've been good" her hands both place on your knees, palm pressed tightly on top of your skin, closing your legs. "I wanna be good"

-

You've ran away the instant you noticed the blood running down your noise to your lips. It's by far the grossest hemorrhage you've got. Yet nothing unusual, just the mix of stress and warmth being too overwhelming for your body.

Abby tried not to pay attention to it, or worry. But she needed to see you were good, she needed to take care of you, or just help you get clean. It felt like she was the reason of it, but the sight of your parents in fron of you, so focused on whatever thing they were debating about. She simply couldn't, it would be either too obvious or not the best idea for you.

She feared to let you down like this, but also hated to be the reason behind it all on the first place. She's never regretted something this horrifying in her whole life, ever.

She'd fallen in love with you at her worst moment, and feared more than anything to hurt you, to have any sort of effect in you. Because you had a whole life ahead of you and she simply didn't.

-

Traitor, I'm such a pussy, please forgive me, don't avoid me. I'm sorry? I'm sorry, can't stand that you hate me, forgive me, what did I do wrong?

"Can't stand the silence, need to speak to you" were the words you wrote for her, on a random notebook you sometimes uses as a sort of journal. She was awful. "Grow up, see you at midnight" she replied. You were awful.

-

12:00 am

Crickets chirping, empty dark blue sky and countable stars decorating the ambience accompanied by the moonlight. Romantic to say the least.

She was smoking, you've realized the reason behind it. "Come inside" you whispered, hoping it was loud enough for her to hear but enough to catch anyone else's attention. Which means, trying to not let your parents hear you begging her to let you fuck her, at least once.

She tossed the cigarette violently, almost as if she had resentment for you still. Which she simply couldn't.

Sitting at the end of your old bed she finally spoke to you, not verbally but vy extending her arms so you could crawl to her. Abby smelled like pine and cigarette, it reminded you of alcohol. Is suits her.

"Can I kiss you?" Abby's hands move to the sides of your cheeks, making enough force against them so you couldn't move if given the opportunity "yes please" you whispered back, already opening your mouth. She pressed her lips on yours, making her tongue palm against yours deliciously. The sound of your saliva mixing was the only thing heard in the room besides the clothes rubbing against each other.

Abby laughed, breaking the kiss to stand up and walk to the side of the bed. The door slapped at it, so hard the floor vibrated. You stated at the whole scene in amusement, hoping for once in your life your parents where in this same situation so they wouldn't care "fuck you" you screamed silently at her.

[ch4osworld]

THE PASSENGER

Chapter 3

Words:889 @cherry-4200 @adaizel

Ok so you guys before you read this i must tell you that it actually sucks ass. I didn't have time to plan anything for the fic this week as it was literally full of things to do and to not let you all without an update for too long i did this monstrosity. I did it in like some minutes and it was a last minute thingy but i promise that the plot of this fic is good i just can't write happy things in my "poetic" style for the death of me so i had to improvise. Again i am deeply sorry for whatever this is.

A few years have passed since Lilith's disappearance and Lucifer depression was really getting to him, but you always managed to help him through it. After she was gone you stopped travelling around hell and started living with him and Charlie. You loved navigating through the inferno, as much as it was grotesque, but Luci was your top priority. It seemed like he was getting, happier, in a sense. You didn't have to help him as much as you did in the past. It seems your sweet reassurances were useful for once. His joyous demeanor was slowly creeping through the cracks filled with suffering. Charlie was a fully grown woman by now, you were so proud of her, of what she has become. She recently started some sort or project, a hotel to redeem sinners. Her dad wasn't really...fond of her dream, but you supported her as much as you could. Her and Lucifer lost a lot of their relationship. They were....distant, she did love him, as much as he did love her, but it saddened you to see them grow apart. After Lilith's disappearance you started to care for Charlie as if she was your daughter, she was so young when she lost her mom, she needed someone to care for her like only a mother could, and you decided to fill that role. After a while she got accustomed to you, she grew to love you, to see you as family, even when the thought of Lilith still lingered inside her. She was such a sweet girl, you were sure she could do it.

As for Lucifer, your feelings for him never went away, they only grew the more you were togheter, and it was the same for him too. He loved you oh so dearly. He desperatly wanted to make a move, but he was afraid, deathly afraid of it. Lilith was still in his heart, y/n helped him a lot to move on, but he still wasn't ready. You decided to plan something for you and Luci to distract him and help him get better. And what's more relaxing then swimming? You searched for him among the intricate corridors of the castle, founding him in his room, making another rubber duck: "Oh Luciiiii~" you exclaimed, catching his attention, slowly moving your way towards him "Oh! G-good morning, do you need something? I am quite busy right now as you can see...uh...you can stay here with me and help me! If you want..." He replied. He was starting to get more nervous around you and you felt guilty about it, you thought that maybe you did something wrong. If that's the case then the pool day might be able to help him forgive you you hoped "Uh, are you almost done with that? I planned something for us today but we could do it later if you're busy" "NONONONO! I-I am happy to do anything if it's with you–uh I mean don't worry, we can do it now!" He spluttered, as he looked away from you to hide his growing embarassment "Ok so uhm, I've noticed you are recently getting more stressed, soooo you know the pool you have but that you basically never use? What about having a relaxing pool day with nonother than me?" Lucifer contemplated the idea, but of course he accepted. How could he not when you were so excited to spend the whole day with him? "YES–uh of course I accept" "PERFECT. I'll wait you in there while you get ready byeee!" You exclaimed, as you burst out of the door, a sigh coming out of his lips. You were hopeless, but he loved you for it, plus it was an excuse for him to see you in a bikini. He got ready for the pool and made his way there, you were already waiting for him in the cool water and oh my god was he a sight to see. You had to physically  restrain yourself from watering down your mouth, the same was to be said for him though "Ehy, sorry if I didn't wait for you, it was just so fucking tempting" you said looking up at him "It's fine, i guess you'll just have to WATCH OUT!" He exclaimed diving into the water "OH COME ON LUCIFER FUCK YOU I WASHED MY HAIR YESTERDAY" you shouted at him, him exploding in a fist of laugher "that's what you get for not waiting for me". You sighed, he was hopeless, you were truly infatuated with him weren't you? "You owe me something for this mister" you told him, crossing your arms "yeah yeah sure" he replied giggling. Oh god you were such a sight in that, it was hard not to kiss you right then and there. "Uh do you hear that too?" He said all of a sudden "hear what?" "My phone's ringing, wait a sec" he replied, teleporting his phone there. He started at it for a second before screaming "OH FUCK IT'S MY DAUGHTER WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!" "Luci, calm down. Breath in and out it's going to be fine, now be a good dad and respond" "Yes yes you're right" he cleared his throat while finally responding to the call "Ehy bitch!" Ok maybe he was more hopeless than you thought.

[bekkathyst]

If you need something from me and I haven’t yet responded to your message, please don’t be afraid to message again! I fell a little behind on messages this past week and my inbox is all weird now, so please let me know if I’m forgetting something.

I will be working on shipping everything now! I’ll post some more pictures of the jewelry collection and of the little photoshoot we did for it, and it’s soooo appreciated when you share our posts 🙏💜

I have some more personal updates under the cut, just to be transparent about the things going on with us at the moment.

As of today we are without a car which causes a host of problems for us (including not being able to go to the Munich gem show at the end of the month if it’s not fixed) and it’s going to cost an estimated €2000 to get it fixed. We’re still so behind on all types of bills from when I was dealing with health problems in the summer and I am really struggling to see the path out of this. We’re still really trying to keep this business running well enough to cover our costs and pay for all the taxes and fees it takes to keep a business open here. I had planned to spend the summer working really hard to get caught up - but of course my health had other plans. Now we’re in a really bad spot. If we end up having to find work elsewhere, we’ll have to close the shop because of the way Austria’s tax laws work. To keep the shop open while employed somewhere else would have us paying double for insurance and other taxes which would defeat the purpose of having extra income. It’s really stupid and outdated of a system but it is what it is.

As of right now I’m just hoping we can sell the rest of the jewelry collection so we can pay for a new shipment of inventory and hopefully get good sales rolling again to help us catch up. It also really sucks that the Austrian post just raised their prices again which is something else we’ll have to deal with. It’s just been one thing after another this year and I’m trying so hard to get it all sorted but so many of these things happening are out of my control. I’d just really love to be able to build up a big enough customer base here again to get the shop back where it used to be and be able to hire my mom again to work with us. This would be such a dream.

We have a total of about €10,000 in taxes and bills (including the car) to catch up on before the end of the year and that’s not including the regular expenses each month like rent and whatever. So I’m going to work so hard to make it all happen and hopefully next year we can start off stronger than ever.

I also have a couple other projects I’ve been working on that will hopefully attract some new customers but we’ll see 💜

If you read this, thank you! Thank you for being here 🫶 it’s always my intention to be transparent with what’s going on and I don’t want to just have to disappear overnight one day if we have to close. Of course I hope it never comes to that, but just in case, I’d rather talk about the struggles beforehand so it doesn’t come out of nowhere.

[tea-and-textbooks]

‎‧₊˚✧September 9, 2024 ✧˚₊‧

I have been so busy the past few days, I have been feeling kinda bad about not studying and havent felt productive the past few days. I think I have sorted out all my stuff so I can finally have some time to study agian. I have some small updates, I finally bought my own copy of the "Teach yourself - Complete Finnish" because I cant renew the one for the library for a while. I also got some new cat shaped sticky tabs. They are soooo cute!

What I did today:

I went to the city centre and got some stationary and a white board

I got my own copy of complete Finnish

I practiced my Finnish and Potawatomi vocabulary

What I Want to do tomarrow:

I am going to the aquarium with my partner so i might be a bit busy

I would like to practice more Potawatomi

I would also like to get a bit more reading done