#but also I kept bugging my dad to play it in the car lol

[lin-lizzie]

why did i

Derek, Angie, Leslie, Tyler and Victor in a car

Tyler, Derek and Leslie are loudly singing California girls

Angie is laughing her ass off and is trying to join, and Victor is annoyed as shit

[purplesurveys]

1755

Millennial survey In which a Gen Z-er takes over a survey meant for millennials 😜

What year were you born in? 1998.

Do you remember a time before smartphones and social media? Yeah, of course. I'd talk to friends mostly through landline or text; memorizing the program schedules per channel was the norm because streaming and on-demand stuff were pretty much nonexistent then; and playing outside was the best way to have fun with friends. There was also still the element of surprise when watching...well, pretty much anything, because there was no concept of spoilers unless you had access to the (early days of the) internet, which had been damn near impossible to use anyway because of how expensive it used to be.

I remember when Friendster, Multiply, YouTube, and Facebook all started getting popular and it being very exciting because the concept of social media didn't exist til then and it was like discovering a new world that I thought I'd never get tired of, lol.

Were you part of the generation that experienced the transition from dial-up internet to broadband? Yes. We had dial-up up til the early 2000s and didn't get a taste of broadband until around 2008 - 15 years ago. That noisy dial-up sound is permanently etched in my brain.

Did you grow up watching Saturday morning cartoons? I absolutely did. For some reason they kept the actual entertaining shows in the early morning, so that's how I learned to want to wake up early even on the weekends to catch them. I hated the Nick Jr block they had on in the morning and always skipped over it unless Hi-5, my only favorite, was airing.

Do you have any memories of using floppy disks or cassette tapes? Not floppy disks, but I am very familiar with cassettes since our first family car had a cassette player. My first Beyoncé album is a cassette and I wasn't able to get the CD version til, like, well into the 2010s because it was the first time I saw the CD in the wild haha.

How did you communicate with your friends before the advent of text messaging? Landline.

Were you a fan of any particular boy band or girl group during your teenage years? Ok this is 100% where my Gen Z card would show because my answer to this would be One Direction hahaha.

Did you ever own a portable CD player or a Walkman? I had a CD player and my own radio.

What was your favorite video game console when you were growing up? PlayStation 1 and 2. I had always wanted to try playing on the GameCube but we never had one.

Did you ever use AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) or MSN Messenger to chat with friends? Not those, but I did have Yahoo! Messenger for a time.

Were you aware of the Y2K bug and the associated concerns leading up to the year 2000? No, I had been too young for that whole thing.

Did you ever rent movies from a physical video rental store like Blockbuster or Hollywood Video? I didn't.

Were you into MySpace or LiveJournal during the early days of social networking? I made a Myspace because I had heard of its popularity, but quickly realized that it was only popular in the west because what was big here instead were Friendster and Multiply. LiveJournal yes, I did do a few attempts to start blogs and stuff but I always ended up abandoning them after 1 or 2 posts.

What was your first experience with online shopping? I only started online shopping in like 2017 - the Philippines caught on pretty late. Before that I would either have to go to an actual store to get something, or ask my dad to buy something for me whenever he was in the US.

Did you ever participate in a flash mob or witness one in person? I've done neither.

How did you discover new music before the rise of streaming platforms like Spotify? It was mostly through either recommendations of my favorite celebrities or word of mouth in school.

Were you a fan of the "Harry Potter" book series or the "Twilight" saga? I was never into Harry Potter but I was obsessed with Twilight (still am, lol). I caught on to the hype in 2008 when the first movie came out – quickly breezed through all the books and got to watch New Moon up to Breaking Dawn Part 2 in the cinema.

Did you ever have a MySpace profile and customize it with HTML and CSS? I didn't do HTML on Myspace but I definitely did on Tumblr. This is where I learned all my website customization knowledge tbh.

What was your favorite TV show or cartoon during your childhood? In early childhood, my favorite was without a doubt Hi-5. I was hooked and I remember feeling so distraught when I graduated preschool and realized I was never gonna get to watch Hi-5 again once I'd start grade school and have full-day classes.

Growing up more I started to gravitate towards shows like Drake and Josh, The Suite Life, and That's So Raven. Apart from those, Spongebob also remains a favorite no matter what age I get.

How did you feel about the transition from traditional television to streaming services? It was hard to grasp at first. I remember in 2020 when my dad was asking us if we can get rid of cable and I felt genuinely scandalized lol like why would we ever get rid of cable when it's been part of our everyday lives since even before I was born??? Anyway, my siblings and I eventually gave in when we too realized that we never even went through the cable channels anymore.

Streaming services are definitely the 'new' way of consumption now and my family has fully eased into it - we're subscribed to Netflix, Disney+, and Prime Video. I don't have too many strong feelings about this topic, but if anything it does feel extremely bittersweet whenever we'd hear a channel permanently sign off for good – recently it had been NatGeo.

[notyourdayrdream]

A/N: this is for @todaydreambelieversfic ‘s summer advent (?) “Tan Hands and Tan Lines.” I know i missed a day lol, i completely forgot. this is also my first time participating in any sort of event, and omg ‘judicious’ is a VERY difficult word to start out with! i’ll post this and all the other days i manage to complete on AO3.

Day 2 Side A: Judicious

“You have shoes on?” Blaine asked, stopping their stroll to kick a rogue soccer ball back to a group of kids.

“Of course I do,” Kurt took his eyes off the street in front of him to glance at his boyfriend's toes. “Of course you don’t.”

The sun was just barely peeking out from the horizon, the sky burnt with deep oranges and pinks. Even Westerville sunsets were prettier than Lima’s, Kurt noticed.

Blaine laughed sheepishly beside him, the sound almost as loud as the chorus of crickets around them. Almost. “It feels nice. It’ll feel even better when we get on the grass.”

They were supposed to be downtown, watching a movie at the theatre. They sat through the previews, sipping on soda and eating butter free popcorn (at Kurt’s request). Kurt’s mind wandered from how annoying Tony Stark was to August, and the few days he and Blaine had left actually together. They slipped out from the back of the theatre just after the Marvel logo disappeared from the screen. Mike and Santana had jobs there for the summer, he would cover for them.

That’s how Kurt found himself wandering down the quiet streets of a Westerville suburb with Blaine, hands pressed into his pockets. Blaine had asked him to not hold his hand or ‘do anything too romantic’ until they got where they were going. Kurt was almost offended, but Westerville was even more conservative than Lima was, with almost twice the amount of watchful eyes. And even though he wouldn’t say it, he knew Blaine didn’t want it coming back to his dad that they were being too out and proud in where he lived.

“Are you sure you know where we’re going?” he asked for at least the seventh time. If they were lost, he’d have no choice but to call his dad, and that would open up a wormhole of questions. Kurt really didn’t want to spend his last summer in Lima grounded.

Blaine waited until they got to the stop sign at the end of the street. “Yeah,” he waved his hands as if the question was silly. He chewed on his bottom lip as he made a right. He was jumping over the cracks in the sidewalk. Kurt was dating an absolute dork. Now he knew how Santana felt.

“I don’t want to be murdered on the outskirts of your neighborhood.” Kurt teased, only half kidding. He kicked a rock out of Blaine’s path.

Blaine knocked against his shoulder slightly. “We’ve been dating for a year and you still think I'd kill you?” There was a lilt in his tone.

“You can never be too sure,” he grinned, admiring the two and three story houses along the way. They were all the same, with pools and freshly trimmed rose gardens. The neighborhoods of Westerville seemed like the type to have a neighborhood watch and rulebooks on how long you were allowed to leave garbage cans out for.

They walked in comfortable silence until the sun had set completely and the street lights turned on. There were no cars on the road anymore, and lamps inside houses clicked off one by one. Blaine led them down a road where houses no longer lined the streets, until the outline of his body was only a shadow. This was how horror movies started. Kurt kept checking for a sign of life, in case he actually was about to be murdered in the middle of nowhere.

They made a left and jogged until Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand and skidded to a stop. “Here we are,” he sing-songed, wincing as he rubbed the reddened pads of his feet.

They stood on the edge of a perfectly manicured lawn, on the backdrop of rolling hills. Fireflies danced around them, covering the grass like a blanket. A brick school

building was placed in the middle of the field, nearly four stories with a tennis court in the rear instead of a playground.

“It’s beautiful,” Kurt whispered, squeezing Blaine’s hand. The streetlamp tinted his skin as orange as the sky had been.

“This is my old elementary school,” Blaine said pensively, rocking onto the tips of his toes.

“The one where you got your first role as ‘Tree number one’ in The Jungle Book?” He should’ve never told Kurt that story.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down are you,” he said in between giggles, wearing that dopey half smile that was reserved for Kurt’s eyes only.

“Nope,” Kurt shook his head and swooped down to meet Blaine’s lips. He hummed in surprise, but grasped at the small of Kurt’s back. His lips were still sweet and bubbly from his cherry slushie.

When they pulled apart, Blaine opened his eyes slowly, kissed to the point of confusion. It took a moment before he yelled, “Come on!” grabbing Kurt’s hands and sprinting down the hill like a child.

Kurt slipped off his shoes and socks as fast as he could, leaving them behind him in the damp grass. Not even a minute before they made it to the base of a hill did the sprinklers turn on around them and then everywhere in a chain reaction.

He shrieked, pulling off his cotton button down and holding it over his head in a desperate attempt to protect his clothes from being soiled any further. Kurt turned to Blaine, expecting him to be doing the same. But he was doing the opposite.

He was dancing.

If you could call it that. It was more of just jumping, moving to the beat of an imaginary song. He lifted his head to the sky and shouted, catching droplets of rain on his tongue. His jeans and striped t-shirt clung to his body in a way that made Kurt blush.

“You’re so stupid!” Kurt called, barely able to hide the smile playing on his lips.

Blaine turned to look back at him. His hair was frizzy and ruined, gel washing out in greasy clumps down his face. “You love it!”

And he did.

Of course there was still the uncertainty of everything; college, the glee club, their relationship. But none of that mattered to him now. If they only had a few weeks before everything changed, Kurt wanted to spend it like this. Rolling down hills and staining his clothes, lying shoulder to shoulder in the grass and naming stars, trading lazy kisses that ended up more of just teeth knocking together.

Truth was, Kurt really liked being undignified with Blaine.

Long after the sprinklers had gone off and their clothes had stuck to their clothes, a pair of fireflies came close enough for the two of them to touch. Kurt cupped one judiciously, careful to not crush the tiny insect.

Blaine’s was crawling up his arm, flickering at the same time as Kurt’s. A heartbeat, they were the only light source around them. Kurt stared at his boyfriend over the greenish haze of the bugs, trying to soak it all in. He was always handsome, but he was especially gorgeous like this, sopping wet and carefree.

“I love you too,” he said after scooping the lighting bug up before it crawled up into his shirt.

Blaine blinked in surprise. Kurt caught a glimpse of the blush that spread over his face when the fireflies lit up again before flying off.

“I didn’t even say anything.” He scooted until he was halfway in Kurt’s lap and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I love you too.”

[ashestospace-fics]

There's always a little bit of time

Series: Wizards tales of arcadia

Pairing: Hisirdoux Casperan x Male reader

Part1/ ?

Word count:5,234

Summary: After a few Years out of the state for College. Claire's older brother comes back to Arcadia. Only to face the changes from the home town he grew up in, and the thinking time bomb that awaits for him and his new friends. Through out the way determine to help out a Punk wirzard and his Feline helper. They both end up discovering the only time they have left, they want to spend it with each other until the very end.

A/n: heads up, I'm mainly writing this for myself and my own enjoyment. And why not share it with the rest of y'all. I just love Douxie more than anything LOL

"How far away are you?"

Claire's cheerful voice bounce back into your earphones. After a few years away, you were finally coming back home to Arcadia from College. The view of the buildings you grew up with bringing you back nostalgia as you lean back on your spot from in the taxi. You couldn't help but grin even, buzzing with adrenaline as you tap your hand against your lap. "Not far now, I'm passing your school! Hoho Oh man, it looks the same. So around 10 minutes?" You could laugh at her scream of joy as you heard from the other line her fast footstep.

The idea of seeing your Little sister again had you excited. Weirdly enough, the bickering and fights and Chanclas threw at each other have been long forgotten. The idea of seeing your family once again was the only thing in your mind. And as you watch your taxi slowly approach the front of your house and saw the three figures standing on the porch, almost had your heart pumping out of your chest with a strong feeling of happiness. Not even letting the taxi driver say his farewell, you shoved a hand full of a tip in his hand as you jump out of the car with your bags on your shoulders

Bright smiles from your parents and sister as you jogged towards them. The rough sound of the bags falling as you extended your arms open towards Claire as she jumped at you for a bear hug. Both your Dad following along as he spun both of you in his arms as if you two were still little kids, Breaking into a fit of laughter together. "Ayh que fea, you look" it was the first thing that came out of your mouth as you look down at your sister.

"Hey! Really Y/n? that's the first thing you're going to say to me after being gone for so long?" Claire quickly protested. "Ayh Mijo, it's been so, long look, at you- did you dye your hair?" Your Dad caught himself up. Groaning loudly as your head fell back, Claire only laughs as you all let go of the embrace. Ignoring your Dad, you headed straight to your mother with open arms as she holds your little brother. "Hola ma, y little Enrique! Wow, he's so big" You gave her a side hug as and a kiss on the cheek as you pinch your little brother's nose. Her teary eyes quickly caught you off. "Aw ma, come on, The mayor shouldn't be crying-" you wince as she fanned her face.

"I know I know it's just, looked at you! My little boy is back home-"

"Mom please?"

It didn't take much of a few more tears here and there before you all went inside. The lively energy of the house was something you didn't know you needed from being far away from home. To the delicious smell of your Father's cooking, to your sister booming you with questions about college. Everything felt right at home once again. "I leave for a few years and, you're already copping me? The white streak in your hair looks rad," You pointed out as you sat down on the couch. Claire's smile fell slightly for a second as she pushed her hair back. "You wish heh, a lot...of things happened while you were away Y/n" there were such mixed feelings once she said that, your eyes following her hands as she played with them. You pushed her shoulder with your own.

"Hey, I know high school is horrible, but I'm here now for the long part. I was real entertain by your so-called magical adventures with that boyfriend of yours. Dad wouldn't stop calling me about it. What you put on his Arepas?" You joked at the memory, Claire's reaction the complete opposite as she jumps slightly from her spot on the couch. "What? Did he tell you? How much?" She grabbed your shoulders and shook you in distress. "I told them to wait! I wanted to show you firrsst ugh" she stretches her face as she fell back on the couch. You couldn't help but laugh at her reaction.

"What? The boyfriend part? You actually thought Dad and Mom were NOT going to tell me? Come on Claire, They both told me they hated him at first. Now they say his some-sort of a knight? It was hilarious. I think they were reading into those fake News of Arcadia," Feeling her froze in place, you looked up at her with a questionable expression. It was weird to see her overreact like this. "Right, boyfriend! Yeah, Jim, haha.., his great" she smiles at you brightly, squinting your eyes at her, you lean forward. "I smell secrets... What's up with your Romeo Claire? Is he acting weird? Do I need to give him a brotherly greeting?" Rubbing your knuckles together as you gave her a grin, she waved her arms around once again.

"Nonono Jim's great! He really is and, I know you'll get along with him just fine but, it's just that..." A deep sigh left her as she pushed her hair back. "I'll...show you tomorrow when everyone's around. This is serious and, I don't want to freak you out, okay? It's nothing bad!" She finishes up reassuring once your expression drops again. "Oh jeez Claire...uh okay, okay, uh sure. Anything that's going on, I can't handle it! I won't freak out if you don't," you pushed your shoulder against her's again. Both of you smile slightly at this. But the sudden worry didn't pass with whatever was going on with your family, especially your sister.

It wasn't like you didn't notice while being away. Of course, you did. You felt it every night as you study for terms. But right now you were back home to your home town. Where everything seemed so different but the same as always. The two of you stood in silence again as you watched t.v. Eyes focusing on the low-quality show as night soon followed. Parents upstairs with your younger brother, Finally deciding to go back to your old room and sleep the days trip off, once both of you got tired of watching the same telenovela the past hours. Saying your lazy good night's your, mind kept on wondering what was waiting up ahead now that you were back. What was the worry that your family and sister weren't telling you yet? That was all soon forgotten as you drifted off to sleep. You were greeted by your pillow, surroundings still the same as you left them years ago when you left. The soft smell of candles that your mom left on days before still lingering. It felt good to be back home, but the feeling of something greater up ahead came back to your mind.

"God, I feel like crying at this," you hummed loud as you took another sip of your coffee. Your mother laughed as she took her cup in her hand. "It's just Coffee Y/n" she gathers her things as she prepares to leave for work. Enrique sat next to you in his little chair. "Si Pero, like it's your Coffee Mom, it's not the same trust me" you place a hand on your chest as she rolled her eyes at you. "Thank you, honey, also for looking after Enrique. Claire will be back after school. I feel bad for leaving you with him just when you got back-" "Mami, it's fine, he is my little brother. I will take care of him all you need since I'm free now. And I'll take him out with me right, Enrique? Aventuras con tu Hermano? Yeaah, you want adventures with me" you wiggled your hand on his stomach, erupting in a fit of laughter you mother took one final sigh as she hugged you.

"Thank you, I will see you later, take care," you hummed once she gave you one final hug. Looking between the door closing behind her, you look back at Enrique. A small staring contest as he blabbers at you. "You know what? Great idea Enrique, We should totally go out," It felt stupid if you stay put in the house doing nothing at all. With so many things supposedly going on in Arcadia nowadays, there was no way you were going to keep missing what everyone kept bragging about to you while you left. So preparing everything in hand for Enrique, it took a lot of figuring out as you place him in the Car seat. Grateful that your old man left you his car for the time being.

"Alright, you seem set to-" a loud thumping sound fell behind you. Jumping at the sound, you turn around. A box had fallen, The sound of your heartbeat against your chest almost had you panting at the scare as you went to pick it up. "Weird...how did this even fell?" You stare at where it was. It was like something pushed it off the counter. It was pretty heavy as it is. "Okay weird..." You mumble once again to yourself as you set the box down and went back into the car, Not noticing the pair of eyes that watched you from behind the shelves. Watching you drove off into the Street. NotEnrique was still peculiar in too when Claire was going to let him bug you once she tells you everything.

The drive down the City felt quiet as you watched people pass by, Choosing to stop in the nearby park to walk around and see what's new. Enrique seemed excited to be out with you, the whole time blabbering as you push his baby cart. A few people here and there from the neighborhood say their hellos once they recognize you. 'the Mayor's son is back' or a 'y/n it's nice to see you back in town' It felt strange but good to see the same folk that you grew up with again. Things have changed that was for sure too, A lot of reconstruction from disasters, new shops here and there. The sound of your stomach slowly brought you back, cringing as Enrique look up at you. "Sorry, Enrique, maybe I should have eaten dad's breakfast," you sigh, stopping in your tracks as your eyes landed on a nearby Cafe. 

'bingo'

Making your way over, you felt your face heat up as you recognize some people here and there, their faces more surprise to you seeing you with a child might be giving the wrong idea. It was embarrassing to say as you waited in line, Grabbing your phone to distract yourself as the line move slowly. The day was going quicker than expected, your mind going back to whatever Claire needed to tell you. Multiple things came to mind, but you brush it off. Claire was always a good kid. Even if you two pick on each other, you would know if it was horrible. Still, you couldn't figure it out and, it was driving you insane internally the more you thought about it. You huff as you lean your head on the cart before standing up straight. It was your turn on the counter to order.

You push the cart forward, smiling at the lady as you looked up at the menu for a moment. "Hey, ill have...uh-" you caught yourself off as a stack of cups fell beside you. "Oh, fuzz buckets," you heard someone said as you looked down at the male who bent down to pick them up. "Douxie, really? Again?" The girl at the counter said in a disappointed tone. Crouching down, you help him pick the cups up.

"My bad, they were all too close, oh thank you-" he quiet down as he looked up at you. Hand grabbing the cups you held for him. "No problem Man," you simply said as you help him finish, his yellowish eyes still on you as you handed the last remaining cups. You eyed him from the side as he kept staring at you and down at Enrique with almost a puzzle look. The girl at the counter clearing her throat.

"Douxie, you're holding up the line..." His head shoots up as he looked back at her then at you. "Oh, right! Ha, my bad!" He says with a small nervous laugh as he went off behind the counter. A chuckle left your throat. That was a weirdly cute reaction. "So uh yeah, I'll just get a cup of coffee and a number 6," you ordered once you sat down at a table and placed Enrique in a buster sit in front of you. When you started to look around again, Your own e/c wandered over to the guy who dropped the cups. He had a punkish style, for sure, he was into music at a simple glance. His black hair had dye indigo tips. One thing was for sure, He was a looker. You weren't one to denied when someone was actually attractive. Even though he had such a black sense of style, you felt such a tranquility feeling emitting from him. It was weird, to say the least. 

"Pffft-" eyes went over to Enrique. A handful of his shoe in his mouth. "Wh- Enrique, what are you doing?" You blurted out laughing, fighting back between him and putting his leg down. You took a small video of it to send it to Clair or Mom. Every time you put his leg down, he pulls it back up. "Dude, what are you doing??" He just blabbers back at you. Someone else chuckle brought your attention to look over. It was the same guy from earlier with your order. "Foods here?" He simply said with a smile to you. You smiled back slightly as he places the food down in front of you. It all looked delicious, "thanks," "not a problem," he turns around to leave before slowly turning over to you again. His fist pressing against his palm as you looked up to the ceiling before at you. "Hey, uh, weird question?"

"Depends how weird it is," you said back, smiling again at his sudden interest. He chuckled back at your statement, "Well, are you Claire's older brother by any chance? I can be assuming since you're with Enrique or, or you're just the Babysitter," he lifted his hands in defense. You raised a brow at him. How did he know that? You expected any older person to mention you because of your Mother. But from your sister? You imagine at least someone younger. This guy is clearly around your age. "Heh, yeah, I'm her brother, how do you know my little sis?" You lean on the table with a hand supporting your head as you look at him. Suspicions on your tone, he seemed to catch up as he rubbed his neck. He seemed so calm about it. 

"Oh, meet her back in the school while I was putting fliers for the battle of the bands. She's really good at the bass. She told me you teach her how to play? You must be a good teacher" you press your lips together, heat raises to your face for a moment. "Yeah, I thought her here and there, most of the things she learn on her own," you fidget with your cup of coffee. 

"you in a band?" you asked with a raised brow at him. 

"yep, play the bass and other instruments here and there," he responded. 

You open your mouth to speak again, "I'm Y/n by the way.  I don't know how much Claire told you," you chuckled off the sudden nerves. Why were you nervous? You didn't know, it wasn't like you haven't talked to new people all the time in college.

"Douxie, and don't worry, nothing so bad. You were the only thing she was talking about these past few days. Never seen anyone so excited to see their sibling." You chuckle again, "uh yeah, it's been a few years since I left, so I imagine with how she is," you motion to the chair next to you. Thinking he might be getting tired of just standing in one place. You thought he was going to deny the invitation. Since he did seem like he was still working, but instead, he grabbed the chair, turn it, and sat down. "I imagine I was gonna meet you later today, not in the middle of dropping every cup in the store" you both laugh, he went over to look at Enrique. "Claire is happy to see you back, you know? she's was real nervous,"

You sigh at this, "yeah, and I still don't know why. Though, I thought it was about her boyfriend but looks like it's not. Do you know what it is? It just haves me worry for her" Douxie stood still as Enrique grabbed his finger. "Uh...well I do know, but I think she should be the one to tell you or well show you first" you groan again as you head drop back. "Awe comes on man, it can not be that serious for her and like everyone to hide it. What is she hiding a body?" You waved your hands. Douxie waved a hand as he lowers your own. "Okay, okay, what do you know about the weird news of our City?" You gave him a puzzled look as he smiles at you in return, amusement was written all over in his eyes. 

It was weird, the sudden light feeling in your chest. He was so calming in a way you didn't know how to explain. Now that you think about it, you almost miss his accent. "News? You mean the so-called end of the world that happened, in where creatures came out of the ground and aliens appear type of News?" You scoff, He only gave you a little nod. "What? You're not trying to tell me that really happen, are you?" You squinted your eyes at him. He waved a hand at you, "Hey, hey, I know it sounds crazy, but if I were to prove it. Would you believe it?" You press your lips together again.

Okay, maybe this was weirder, prove it? Sounded like a cryptic fanatic, but still... "Only if it involves my sis, or are you just trying to ask me out?" You raised a brow at him. He seemed shocked for a second before brushing it off with another smile. "Maybe, one of the two or both. But mainly so you don't faint when we get all together annnnndd, so you don't get embarrassed, " he grins as he extended his hand. "You can think about it while you finish or you know. Freak out later" he shrugged, now you were looking at him more intently. 

Going with a stranger right at the bat once you got back home might not be the best decision you had ever made. But you needed to know what was going on with your family. So you agree, like any mad man who had nothing else to lose. Both of you agree to meet up later, once he was done with work and when both your parents were back at home to look after Enrique. Something felt off not seeing Claire right at the bat after school, she would be home by now, but she texted she was getting everyone ready. Or everything ready, for the big surprise, as she suddenly put it. It has to be special if she's taking so much time for it. So here you were now outside a library where Douxie told you to meet up. A part of you wanted to ask yourself why you even agree to this. Was he just going to show you a theory room of cryptics? It wasn't like you weren't into those things, you love it actually,  but right now, it didn't felt like the right time for you to geek out. Taking a deep inhale as you step in, hands in your pockets as you looked around. It was empty.

"Douxie?" You called out as you walk around. Books everywhere, you ran your finger on the cover of an old one that lay on a table. Whatever language it was, you didn't understand a lick of it. Eyes trail up until you were meet with bright yellow ones staring back at you. You let out a curse under your breath as you looked at the cat in surprise.

" Oh jeez, since when are you there little guy?" You place a hand on your chest, trying to ease your heart as you approach it. The feline walks around, avoiding your touch.

"May I help you?" You look around the shop. There wasn't anyone there, but you swore you heard someone.

"Hello?" You blurt out again, "Uh, Douxie?" Okay, a part of you was starting to regret how creepy things were getting. Maybe you were overthinking it.

"Oh, of course, you'll be looking for him, he's in the back," the voice came from in front of you. Turning your head slowly you stare down at the black feline. Now noticing it was... wearing glasses? No way did it just talk.

"Di...did you just talk?..." You whisper out as you stood up straight.

"Of course- oooh... oh no" The cat seemed to regret his choices on speaking now, watching you slowly back away.

"Okay, maybe drinking so much coffee has finally gotten to m-" you jump slightly as two hands hold into your shoulders.

"Y/n?" You looked back at golden eyes staring at you worried.

"Douxie, I think I finally lost it with the coffee-" you blurt out with a nervous laugh.

In return, he just looked down at the cat in front of you two.

"Archie, I warned you Claire's brother was stopping by first!" He scolded the cat, who just seemed to wince as he walked around again.

"Yes, but you can't blame me for not knowing it was him, everyone is used to this-"

"Oh, Virgen Santa, he is still talking. You're talking to him, how is he talking? Did I hit my head? and you two are a dream?" You blurt out rubbing your temples as you backed away.

"Y/n, you need to calm down. Remember when I told you about proving you about the weird things? Well, Archie over there is not even the tip of the iceberg" Douxie scratch his neck as he pointed at the cat again.

Now it was your turn to stay quiet and still as you look at him. Then back at the cat who stares back at you. You inhale deeply as they both waited for you to take a moment.

"Okay...so talking cat....this is what Claire is making a fuss about, or are all those weird stories are something about ten times bigger in where I might have my jaw on the floor?" You mumble out..

Douxie opens his mouth before closing it, eyes trailing all over the place as he started to count.

"Uhhh yep, it will just get even more jaw-breaking when Claire tells her story of her adventures" Douxie motion for you to follow him.

A part of you question why you even follow him, how could this get even more insane. Your brain was all over the place, as you remember the News and pictures online. Another part of you wanted to doubt everything still.

"Adventures? Oh god, please don't tell me my sister somehow got caught in weird alien adventures," you groan as you followed him up the second floor. Eyes looking back at the cat every second as if it were to try and eat you.

"Complete opposite, more of Magic and less of the alien part,"

"Say what now?" You blurt out.

Douxie stops in front of you, extending his hand. Looking down at it, you took it slowly with a raised brow. The sound of ticking was greeted to your ears, as you watched the bracelet in his wrist illuminate, a blue light surrounded his arm. Your eyes meet with his again, It was all a sight to see. It was like all that energy was coming from him as bits of his hair flew up. It was tranquil, like a quiet river. You felt completely mesmerized by him. 

"Magic is a basic element that has been on this planet for centuries, Arcadia luckily is a hot zone for creatures and the supernatural. It just so happens that your sister and her friends ended up saving this planet more than once with it." Your eyes were blown wide as things started floated around the room.

"I know this is a lot to take Y/n, but Claire doesn't want to scare you away. She's has done amazing things! And she realllllllly wants to share it with you. And as her teacher, I thought, I'll give a little hand to show you first" you were still blown away with everything. The things that were floated around slowly descended back down on the table and shelves. You look down at both your hands. They were so much bigger than yours.

"W..wha- okay holy cow, give me like a second" you pushed your hair back. Your heart was beating against your ears with adrenaline. You pulled your hand away as you walked around the room before standing in front of him. Douxie stares down at with a nervous smile. Archie, watching everything from his spot where he sat down. Who knew what overcame the wizard to show you before his sister did. He didn't know and didn't want to ask himself where and why the sudden urge took over.

"Okay...magic..is a thing okay that is stupidly cool and I feel like a kid reading his books, but I need to ask, what are you? And you said, teacher? Teaching my sister what? Magic?? You telling me Claire knows how to do magic???" You got closer and closer to him as you spoke. Nose almost touching even as you pin him behind a bookshelf with questions.

Douxies' face didn't fail to go a light pink as he put his hands on your shoulders. Looking to the side to clear his throat, he felt his chest twist at your amazed expression, that he felt like he almost blackout at your question.

"Okay, so I'm a wizard and yes, and yes two both question," he pulled himself not to tilt his head as you look down at the floor.

"Ah...okay, uh, that's crazy but amazing. Also, holy cow again and holy cow and, she didn't call me? She's so gonna get it! How do you do all of that though, is it with that thing in your wrist-" you couldn't help you own curiosity and excitement. Hands darting to grab his own as question fell from your lips like a mantra.

Douxie looks back at Archie, who was just as wide eye as him. You were taking it better than expected, the freak out was short. But Douxie couldn't help but smile ever so slightly at you. In curiosity to learn the unknown, you and Claire had it the same. You didn't even notice that it was a full-on 20 minutes of you rambling and Douxie listening to you. Not once, bothered on how your hand flicker with his bracelet. And how gentle and light it felt against his hand and fingers.

"And can you li-.....oh...oh damn it did I went into a rambling parade?" You blurt out once you notice the sun was starting to set.

"Yeah, but it's fine, I expected you to ask questions. It's the norm of thins things," He laughs it off, both of you feeling heat reach your ears once you finally let go of his hand.

"Sorry about that hah, I still can't believe Claire didn't tell me Like this is insane!" you threw your hands to the air.

"It's gonna get even more insane once you meet some of our friends, trust me," Douxie reassure you. The weird feeling was back, something like that would have you freak out more, But for some reason, it just didn't, like it didn't felt like much of a surprise somehow deep down.

"Can't wait....So...it's the cat, like your-" you trail off slightly, the idea of how this could get more insane was something your mind was still trying to deal with.

"Archie? he's my familiar" both look over at the cat that head raises to look at the two.

"Oh, he's your little assistant," you smile cheekily. He gave you an insulting scoff in return.

"Wizard Associate, thank you very much, Mister Nuñez," Archie corrected as he hops from where he stood.

"Ah, sorry?" You laugh slightly, both of you leaning from a bookshelf.

It fell silent for a moment as you stare up to the ceiling.

"You okay Y/n?" Douxie asked.

"Yeah, just thinking about how crazy my day went and wondering how crazier is going to get now that everything I heard might be true. And what would have happened if I was actually here..." You hummed slightly as you titled your head to look over at Douxie.

"You're pretty cool Douxie, hey if I do end up fainting to whatever my sister shows me, do NOT let her draw on my face or take pictures" you pointed at him with squinted eyes. He places a hand on his chest as he lifted the other one.

"Hey, I promise that I will try and stop her. Claire is way sneaky that you think," Douxie said as if he remembers something horrible before cringing at the thought.

"I know, one time she put glue on my shoes," you groan loudly as you let your head rollback.

Douxie laughs "What? Didn't think she'll be the type of kid".

"Oh, trust me, she was horrible, but I guess so was I," you shrugged off as you chuckle slightly. Douxie crosses his arms as he sighs. You look back at him, catching him staring down at you. Both of you didn't say anything or look away for that brief moment.

The sound of your phone going off alerted both of you, looking down at your new message. It was Claire telling you to come over to where high schoolers used to go for bond fires in an hour. You look out to the nearby window. The sun was going down quickly.

"I guess that's her sign that she's ready for me to see her magical secret" you stretch your arms as you put your phone away.

"Yep, you mind if I take a trip with ya? Since we'll she sent me the text, that's she's ready...and we'll we are going to the same place..." he trails off. Archie rolled his eyes at him as he jumps behind Douxie.

"He doesn't have a car" Archie added as he went between Douxies legs. Your smile dared to grow at Douxies' sudden flustered expression.

"Archie-"

"His bike is very much broken down-"

"Archie!-"

"Hey it's fine, I don't mind. You can come with" you bump shoulders with him, trying to give him a reassuring smile as you walked down the stairs. Douxie closely following behind as both of you made it outside. Guess it was time to see what type of friends Claire has made while you were away.

[i-write-about-anything]

Stood Up Part 5

Requested: hey, I was wondering you could write a stile stilinski fic where 5 years earlier he leaves the reader at the altar and comes back five years later and turns out they have a kid

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader        

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Leave me some asks, i get lonely lol

Third Person POV

Scott sat in silence as Noah drove him and Lily back to (Y/N)’s house. Small sniffles were the only thing they both heard, Lilly hadn’t stopped crying since her confession, she had wanted Scott to be her dad, it only made sense to her. Noah parked his car in (y/n)’s driveway before sighing. “Please take care of her, this is only going to get ugly.” Noah looked back at his granddaughter, her small hand wiping her endless tears. “Come on bug, cheer up, your mom wouldn’t like to see you crying.” His voice was soft, something that made her feel safe.

 “I don’t want Stiles to take me.” She whispered causing Scott’s heart to stop, his eyes snapped to her red ones.

“I’m not going to let him take you sweet pea, I promise. It’s going to be you and mommy forever.” Scott offered a smile and she sniffed rubbing her nose.

“And you?” She blinked causing some tears to spill from her eyes. 

“As long as you two want me here, there’s no place I’d rather be.” He smiled once more before turning to Noah. “Can you tell him I want to talk to him? I’ll be civil, just me and him.” Noah sighed before nodding. Scott unbuckled his seat belt before going to unbuckle Lilly from the car seat Noah kept in his car. 

“Bye grandpa.” Her voice was low as she rested her head on Scott’s shoulder.

“Bye squirt, I’ll see you soon, okay?” Noah saw her nod and looked at Scott. “I’ll keep in touch.” Scott nodded before walking up the driveway, (y/n) already out the door, her arms crossed over her chest as she saw Scott shake his head, his hand rubbing up and down Lilly’s back trying to soothe her.

“Hey honey.” (Y/N) spoke as her hand went to her back, but she didn’t flinch, instead her arms tightened around Scott. 

“No.” She whimpered before Scott gave (y/n) a slight smile. 

“It’s okay, sweet pea, I’m not going anywhere.” (Y/N) sighed, her body moving to open the front door to let Scott in. She wanted to know what happen, every detail, but she didn’t want to talk about it in front of her daughter. Scott way on the couch and Lilly loosened her grip on his neck as she sat on his lap, her face on his chest as she played with her fingers. 

“Mommy?” Her eyes moved to (y/n) who sat next to Scott.

“Yeah honey?” Her voice was soft, it always was around her daughter.

 “Why isn’t Uncle Scott my daddy?” Her small sniffles broke (y/n)’s heart.

“I want you to understand one thing okay Lilly?” (Y/N) placed her hand on top of Scott’s before Lilly nodded. 

“Scott has been there for you since you were a baby.” Lilly looks up at Scott.

“Really?” Lilly pouted her lips, unintentionally.

“Oh yeah, Scott knew how to put you to sleep in minutes. I know you don’t really understand how mommy and daddy’s work but I want you to know that even though people will tell you Scott isn’t your dad, he is, okay honey? If you want to call him dad, you can, if he’s okay with it.” (Y/N)’s eyes met Scott’s.

“Really?” He mouthed, his eyes filling with tears. He had remembered the time they had stopped her from calling Scott her dad, the heartbreak he felt that day was stronger than anything he had felt. 

“Really.” (Y/N) smiled as she wiped her hands over her eyes, she didn’t want to cry, not right now. “He’s always going to be here for you honey, no matter what, okay?” (Y/N) looked at her daughter who nodded before climbing onto her lap. She hugged Lilly before looking at Scott who stood up, fanning his eyes in the process, reminding (y/n) that Scott never really showed his emotions.

“I love you.” Scott mouthed, causing tears to well up in (y/n)’s eyes. She never thought she’d be loved again, or love again for that matter, but Scott continued to surprise her. He was always right in front of her and she never realized it. With a simple smile she motioned him to sit next to her, he complied, sitting next to the two most important girls in his life. His mind racing as he came to terms that he finally got everything he wanted, and even though it had been a struggle to end up here, next to (y/n), he would have gladly done it all over again. He hadn’t intended to fall for her, he hadn’t intended to be a father figure to Lilly, but the more he spend time with them both the more he started to realize how amazing it had been. Before (y/n), Scott didn’t know where his life was headed, and even though she had been with Stiles when he originally fell in love with her, he had vowed to himself that no matter where life took him, he would do anything for her. And that’s exactly what he did. He had stepped up when he didn’t have to, he became (y/n) and Lilly’s anchor just as much as they had become his. He stared down at the small girl in (Y/N)’s arms before wiping the tears from his eyes. He hated what was happening and he wished he could take them both away from the mess Stiles had created but he knew better. The buzzing in his pocket broke the silence they had created, a sigh coming from his lips as he dug into his pocket to get his phone. Scott looked at Noah’s name on the screen before standing to his feet and wiping his face. “Hello?” He cleared his throat as he looked at (y/n), Lilly looking up at him. 

“He agreed to talk, said to meet him in the lacrosse field at five.” Noah’s voice was loud through the phone, causing (y/n) to look at Scott, her eyebrows scrunched together. Scott gave her tight smile before sighing. 

“Tell him I'll be there.” This earned a concerned look from (y/n).

“At least try to keep it civil, I would hate to be called down there.” Noah spoke and Scott nodded, despite the fact that Noah couldn’t see him. 

“I’m not the one you should be worried about.” Scott sighed once more. “I’ll do my best to keep at bay, you have my word.” And with that Scott ended the call, his eyes connecting with (y/n)’s. 

“Are you out of your mind?” Scott knew she was mad, but for the sake of Lilly, she wouldn’t curse in front of her. 

“I just need to talk to him, make him see how wrong he is.” (Y/N) shook her head before closing her eyes. 

“He’s baiting you in and your biting.” She was mad, of course she was. Stiles had brought nothing but trouble and he made it extremely clear that he didn’t want to talk. 

“I need this.” Scott whispered. “I need to get everything off my chest, I thought I had already, but that was before all of this, before us.” She shook her head and sighed trying to keep her emotions at bay. 

“I just don’t want him to get under your skin, you know how he can be.” Scott gave her a small smile; she never ceases to amaze how caring she was. He sat next to her bring her into his arms. 

“I won’t let him, not this time. Besides, I have to make it back to both of you, don’t I?” (Y/N) smiled as she rolled her eyes. She hadn’t had this kind of affection in a very long time and she couldn’t help the butterflies in her stomach, she felt like she was back in high school. 

“You’re so cheesy.” Her smile fell before she closed her eyes and leaned into his chest. “Are we really doing this?” She whispered, she had been thinking about it all day, her mind had been racing all day between Stiles taking her daughter and the kiss Scott had shared with her the night before. 

“Doing what?” Scott questioned before (y/n) took his hand in hers. “Oh.” He let out a sigh of relief. “I’ve wanted this for so long, you know this. The ball is in your court, whatever you want to do, I'm here for you regardless of what you choose.” His voice was low as he noticed Lilly slowly drift to sleep. 

“I’m scared.” (Y/N) whispered, her eyes also on her daughter. 

“I know, but I would never do what Stiles did to you, and I’d like to think you already know that. I’ve been by your side for a little over five years now. I have taken care of both you and Lilly and I'll gladly continue to do so as long as I can. I’ll be here when she goes to middle school and decides she wants to start wearing make-up, I'll be here when she turns into a teenager, I'll be here when she has her first boyfriend, I’ll be here when she graduated college, I'll always be here. For her, for you. You don’t have to do this alone, let me show you what’s it’s like to live in a life full of happiness, because that’s all I want to bring you, happiness.” Scott’s voice hadn’t cracked despite the tears rolling down his face, he hated to admit it but thinking about Lilly growing up had made him extremely emotional. 

“You're something else Scott McCall.” She whispered before her eyes met his wet ones. “I want this, with you.” Her heart pounded as her confession spilled out from her lips. A smile growing on Scott’s face as his free hand cupped her face. 

“So, we’re doing this?” Scott’s eyes searched for any sign of doubt in her eyes but found none as she nodded. His lips crashed into hers almost immediately, a smile forming on both their lips as they pulled away.  

__________

Scott sat on the bench he once sat on, the memories of him in the lacrosse team flooding his memory, Stiles sitting next to him as he did something stupid like he did every game of the season. He shook the memories away as he saw Stiles approaching, his hands in his pockets. Neither of them talked as Stiles sat next to Scott, nothing but silence for two minutes. “Why are you doing this.” Scott was the first one to break the silence, his eyes not leaving the ground. 

“Why?” Stiles huffed out a chuckle. “Everyone in this shithole of a town kept my daughter from me for five years. You may not understand what it feels like to get the news that you’re going to be a dad so let me enlighten you Scott. When Stacey told me she was pregnant, my life lit up, like it never had before, the news of you becoming a father changes you and from that day on you learn to love a fetus that hasn’t formed into a human yet. Imagine what it felt like to find out you had already become a dad, five years earlier and you had no fucking idea because everyone kept it from you. Five years I could have been knowing my daughter, five years I could have been teaching her how to ride a bike, how to count, how to take care of herself. She deserves to have a father, not someone who likes to play pretend.” Scott’s eyes closed before standing up, he had promised her he’d stay civil and boy was he trying his best. 

“Look, you left, changed your number, ignored her for years. It wasn’t anyone's news to tell but hers. If you had cared about her, even a little you would have checked up on her, even if it was just to say sorry, then you would have known. I may have not known how exciting it was to be told I was going to be a dad but I knew how excited I was to become an uncle, someone who would always be there for her. Because let me tell you something Stiles.” Scott took a step back before taking a breath. “I saw the fetus grow, I learned how to love a fetus despite the blood we didn’t share. I learned how to be a guardian, even when she didn’t need me because (y/n) did one hell of great job raising her. I did it all even before you even had the chance.” 

“You always fucking loved her, didn’t you? Even when I was about to marry her, right in front of you, you were so head over heels for her.” Stiles huffed out. “You were so quick to choose her you never once tried to find me.” Stiles shook his head. 

“Would it have changed anything.” Scott questioned, his eyes finally meeting his old friends. “Would knowing (y/n) was pregnant changed your mind on leaving her?” Stiles stood up before taking a step towards Scott. 

“No. But I would have been here for Lilly, despite the shit I would have taken from (y/n). The truth was, I was so quick to jump into a marriage with her because I saw the way you looked at her, every day for two fucking years. You were my best fucking friend and there you were gawking over MY girlfriend. So initially, yes, I asked her to marry me because I loved her, but suddenly, I couldn't bare the thought of being with her for the rest of my life. I didn’t even care about her three weeks before the wedding.” Stiles smiled. 

“So, you what, paid for a whole wedding to embarrass her in front of everyone? She loved you, you fucking asshole.” Scott crossed his arms over his chest.

“I did what I had to do. I left the moment I saw my chance and I never fucking returned, I couldn’t, how could I? I had nothing going for me and I was not about to be one of those guys who married their high school girlfriend and had absolutely nothing going for them. I’m at the peak of my life, she was dragging me down and oh Scotty boy isn’t she dragging you down now.” Stiles laughed clapping his hands. Scott’s eyes shifted red as he grabbed Stiles’ collar.

“Let’s get one thing straight. She’s the best fucking person anyone could ask for. It isn’t her fault you were incapable of loving her. I suggest you stop talking about her as if she was someone who didn’t change your life because let me tell you Stiles, she was the one who brought you back when the nogitsune took over you. She was the one who saved you countless of times and what did you do to repay her?” Scott roared. “You’re a disappointment Stiles, you had it all. Why don’t you do what you do best and run, get the hell out of here and father the child you care about the most, because I see through this act. You’re not here to be a father to Lilly, you’re here to ruin her life.” Scott’s eyes retreated to his original color as he pushed Stiles away. 

“Haven’t I already?” Stiles smiled before turning his back on Scott. “I suggest you tell her I won’t be going anywhere, not until Lilly is in my possession, even if it means staying in this hellhole for a couple more years.” And with that, Stiles walked away, determined to raise hell. Little did Scott know that Stiles’ wasn’t the only one doing damage to the girl he loved. As he arrived back at (y/n)’s he noticed a car that he hadn’t seen before, rushing inside he saw (y/n) in tears, Lilly in her arms as the woman he now knew as Stacey stood in front of them.

_____ 

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Story tags; @anyasthoughts @iclosetgeek @chipster-21 @chonisberonica @teenwaywardasgardian @yuukiahim @greyfairie @deansbbyblog @jdroman5432​ @robindoesntloveme​

[ohmightydevviepuu]

For the fanfic asks - #5 and #16 please?

Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

technically i don’t have any posted WIPs but i do have two other things that i’m currently writing.  i’ve already shared several snippets from one so i guess it is time to unveil a piece of the procedural i’ve been talking about.  for a year.  *gulp*

Emma Swan gripped the steering wheel of her ancient Beetle and prayed it wouldn’t skid in the rain.

She needed a new car.

The yellow Bug had six-digit mileage and a cloned VIN and a bad transmission but she refused to trade it in.  She couldn’t afford it, for starters.  She didn’t want to, for another.

Emma Swan was many things--not sentimental, exactly, but mindful, always (see also:  ‘guarded’, ‘prickly’, ‘broke’)--and the Beetle was a reminder.  On her better days it was a reminder of how far she’d come.  On her worst days it was a reminder of how far she still had to go.  And, really, she should start by getting a new goddamn car.

But, again, she was broke.

The engine light flashed and Emma swore.  She’d just had it in and Gus said it was fine, but people lied.  Often.

Always.

And Emma Swan could always tell.

That’s how she got paid.

Speaking of:  Her phone buzzed on the seat next to her and Emma swore again, because she was going to be late and Milah hated it when she was late.  Milah had rules.

Emma hadn’t grown up with too many rules.  That’s what happened when you got shipped from home to home.  Sometimes she’d had to be on time for dinner, sometimes no one cared.  Sometimes she had chores.  Sometimes she had to hide her stuff.  Sometimes she had to hide, in general.  

Even the basics--don’t lie, don’t steal--had gotten distilled down to don’t get caught.

(Emma hadn’t even been able to do that.)

But Milah had rules and she’d tried to instill them; some lost, long-dormant almost-motherly instinct coming to the surface twenty years too late, as if she wanted to be motherly and had just forgotten how.

It might be, literally, true.  Milah had a kid--and an ex--and neither of them was ever spoken of.  Ever.  Emma had done some digging over the years and came up empty every time, which meant that Milah had gone to great lengths to render herself untraceable.  Invisible.  Emma didn’t even know the age or gender of either the spouse or the kid.  It felt unfair when Milah knew everything about her and in the most embarrassing way possible.

Their relationship was not an easy one, but it was the only one Emma had.  That’s what happened when you were fresh out of prison and on the run at eighteen--it didn’t leave a lot of opportunities for family ties.  But thanks to Milah, Emma was good at her job.  Better than good--she was great.  

And she followed the rules.  Usually.

Big meeting tonight and Emma needed more than the money, she needed the exposure, the chance to make a good impression on a client who could keep her in Pop-Tarts and Netflix and fucking car parts for the foreseeable future.  

Regina Mills had made a fortune defending wealthy clients accused of serious crimes.   Every photograph, every second of her on newscast B-roll showed her in one of her trademark pantsuits:  simple, impeccably tailored, so expensive they made Emma’s wallet hurt just to think about them.  There was nothing masculine about her, though--exactly the opposite.  Regina Mills was not ashamed of her femininity.  She flaunted it.  It was part of her style and part of her strategy down to her blood-red lipstick and matching nail polish as her smile and demeanor went from charming to soothing to terrifying and back again all within a single question.

High-stakes, high-pay, high-profile, and she was the best in the game.  Like she snapped her fingers and poof, magic, her clients got off. 

But to do what she did, Regina needed people like Emma:  someone who would do the work, to find the truth--good, bad or ugly.  PI work wasn’t glamorous but Emma was good at it, and she enjoyed the challenges of cases like Regina’s in between skip-chasing for deadbeat dads or waiting for hours in the car on the money-shot of a cheating spouse.  Emma had, very slowly and very carefully, built up a record with Regina--thanks mostly to Milah, who kept her behind the scenes but was always happy to throw a little work Emma’s way.

Until today.

Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted?

i do, and the answer is a HARD NO.  deep in the recesses of my google drive i have about 30 chapters--and that’s just the “final” draft--of a pretty epic pretty solider sailor moon moon kingdom --> present day --> crystal tokyo fic.   (lol you have no idea what any of that means)  the reasons i will never post it are numerous but chief among them is that it is based too heavily off of other authors’ work--an amalgamation of a bunch of stories and ideas i loved that i played with putting into one story and one timeline and then extended.

the reason i keep it is simple:  i loved writing it.  it gave me joy in difficult times and places.  it gave me focus.  and i still occasionally harvest the pieces of it to incorporate into other things. 

let’s start 2021 with some fic asks, shall we??

[searchingwardrobes]

Start of Time: 1/?

Happy birthday, @teamhook​ ! You have been a faithful reader of my fics from long before I came over to tumblr, and I appreciate your support so much! As a matter of fact, you were the first one to encourage me to get a tumblr blog. Anyway, I hope you have a marvelous day, my friend.

You told me this Gabrielle Aplin song was one of your favorites that reminded you of CS, so I wanted to incorporate it into a fic. Then, just a few days ago I watched a Hallmark Christmas movie (yes, I’m already watching them, don’t judge) called a Christmas to Remember. It had Elle McKinnon in it, who played young Alice Jones on Once, and the whole thing gave me CS vibes. Then I realized the song really fit the movie’s plot, and this fic was born. Unlike the movie, however, this doesn’t happen at Christmas. I also couldn’t finish it in a one-shot, so here we go, another MC/WIP. It’s worth it for you though, @teamhook​. I hope you enjoy it!

Many thanks to the CSRT discord chat for helping me brainstorm parts of this, especially @shireness-says​ for giving me the idea to make Emma part of a rock band. I was having a very difficult time coming up with a band name that hasn’t been used yet in the fandom, when the name of a band from my college came to mind - Wendy Sews it On. It suddenly hit me what that band name is a reference too, and I was giddy with excitement!

Summary: Killian and his son are driving through a bad snow storm when they find a disoriented woman walking down the road. The question is, how can they help her get home when she has no idea who she is?

Side note: Has anyone else written from the point of view of someone who can’t remember her name? Well it’s hard, ya’ll - lol!

Rating: T

Trigger warning: Alice Jones appears in this fic and both Alice and Henry are both Killian’s adopted children with Milah. Henry isn’t Emma’s. Positive past Millian. No Neal.

Words: about 2,500 in this chapter

Also on Ao3 and part of my Fandom Birthday Playlist

Tagging the usuals::@snowbellewells @kmomof4@jennjenn615 @kday426 @let-it-raines @teamhook@kmomof4 @bethacaciakay @profdanglaisstuff @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @tiganasummertree​@whimsicallyenchantedrose @snidgetsafan​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​ @winterbaby89​ @distant-rose@shireness-says​ @xhookswenchx​ @optomisticgirl​ @spartanguard​ @branlovestowrite​ @welllpthisishappening​ @stahlop​ @hollyethecurious​

Oh today I’m just a drop of water and I’m running down the mountain side. Come tomorrow I’ll be in the ocean. I’ll be rising with the morning tide.

The road stretched before Emma’s tiny yellow bug, she was sure, for miles upon miles of the thick forests of northern Maine. Yet all she could see out her windshield was about a car’s length in front of her through the thick swirling snow. Her tires kept sliding on the slick roads, and more than once she had trouble keeping the car pointed in the right direction. It didn’t help that she was completely and utterly lost, her GPS losing signal at some point miles back.

Emma cursed rural Maine, cursed the snow, and even cursed Regina for suggesting this week of r&r to begin with. A cabin with all the amenities next to a spa sounded like heaven. Or maybe anything secluded sounded like heaven - a place to get her head on right again, maybe even write a new song.

She just wasn’t sure it would be a love song like Regina and the record label was hoping for. She added Walsh to her list of stuff to curse.

Her headlights, for a brief moment, illuminated a sign up ahead: “Welcome to Storybrooke.” She cursed again as she squinted down at her phone which still mocked her with the little swirling icon and the word “buffering.”

“Come on,” she muttered. She started to type in “Misthaven Resort and Spa” again, glancing from her phone screen to the road and back again. She knew it was dangerous to use her phone while driving, especially in weather like this, but if she didn’t figure out where the hell she was, she might run out of gas and die out here in the snow anyway.

It was a cost benefit analysis, really.

God, she needed to start spending time with people besides Regina and Walsh. She hadn’t even seen her former bandmates since this solo career train had catapulted out of the station.

Anna would have loved that mixed metaphor. It was the kind of line Emma’s red-headed, bubbly, almost little sister would have put into a song. Like the Beatles, every member of Wendy Sewed it On wrote songs for the band. Anna’s were quirky and upbeat, Elsa’s were soaring, epic ballads, Ruby’s were tongue in cheek and driving.

And Emma . . . well, fans said her songs were sad and haunting, but deep. Wendy Sewed it On had their biggest hits with Emma’s songs, even though it was Elsa who belted them out. Being all alone on that stage, laying her soul bare with those lyrics . . .

Emma’s thoughts were cut off and a scream flew out of her mouth as a wolf bounded onto the road in front of her. It was all a blur after that: breaking glass, her continuing screams, pine trees surrounding her on all sides as she plowed off the road and down an embankment of snow.

There’s a ghost upon the moor tonight. Now it’s in our house. When you walked into the room just then it’s like the sun came out.

A severe winter storm warning has been issued for central Aroostook County. Visibility will be extremely low, roads impass-

Killian switched off the radio in his pickup, not wanting to alarm Henry. His windshield wipers were on the highest setting, his lights on bright, and for now, he could still make out the road far enough ahead of them that he was fairly confident they would get home long before the storm reached its peak. Part of him was second guessing bringing a ten year old along on this call, but Henry had been so excited at the prospect of helping deliver the foal at the Nolan farm.

“Dad,” Henry said, picking at the aluminum foil Mary Margaret had used to wrap up a plate of her famous chocolate chip cookies, “why doesn’t Uncle David work with you anymore?”

“Well, he and Mary Margaret had been saving up for years to buy that farm. I always knew horses were his dream, not the animal shelter.” He glanced from the road to grin at his son. “And you’re dying to have one of those cookies, aren’t you?”

Henry’s eyes widened. “How’d you know?”

Killian laughed. “I’ve been a dad for a decade now. I have a sixth sense.”

“So can I have one?”

“No, you have to share with Alice.”

“Aw man,” Henry pouted, but it was short lived. Both of his children were extremely curious and regularly peppered him with questions. “Why couldn’t Uncle David just deliver the foal himself? He knows animals.”

“Because it was breech - that means it was upside down inside the mother horse. David’s not a vet, so he called me.”

Henry arched his brows. “And they pay you in cookies?”

Killian chuckled again. “David and Mary Margaret, yes.”

“They are good cookies,” Henry agreed, taking a big whiff of the plate in his lap. “Maybe Alice wouldn’t mind if we - DAD!”

Killian saw the figure in the road at the same moment his son did, so before the word even left Henry’s lips, Killian was swerving to avoid the person. The roads were wet and slick enough to send his tires sliding, and if Killian didn’t have so much experience driving in such dangerous conditions, they may have ended up in the ditch. When the truck finally came to a stop, he turned first to Henry.

“Are you okay?” Killian asked him, running a hand nervously over the boy.

“Yeah,” Henry gasped, “I’m good.” The boy twisted around in his seat. “What was that?”

That was a good question. It had looked like a person, but who would be out in this weather? Unless they were in trouble. Killian quickly unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Stay here,” he instructed Henry, giving him a steely look lest his overly curious oldest child be tempted to disobey. Thankfully, Henry nodded, his face a mask of intensity.

After Killian exited the vehicle, he could clearly see a woman stumbling around in the middle of the road. He approached her cautiously, fully aware that a man appearing before the woman in the middle of the forest could be frightening to say the least.

“Are you okay?”

She turned then, and he could tell from the blank expression on her face that she was in shock. She had obviously experienced some sort of trauma, and his heart plummeted at the thought. He walked slowly closer. The woman was now turning in a circle, unsteady on her feet as if she might be inebriated. Her gaze was lifted to the tops of the trees, as if she were trying to make sense of her surroundings. When he was close enough, Killian reached out tentatively to rest his hand on her upper arm. She was wearing a red leather jacket; not the smartest choice of outerwear for snow like this.

“I’d like to help you,” he said in the same gentle voice he used on injured animals. “What are you doing out here?”

She blinked, as if trying to focus on his face. Her skin was almost alabaster, her hair completely coated in a layer of snow, and he wondered how long she’d been out here in the elements. He shrugged out of his coat and draped it over her shoulders. She looked down at it, almost in confusion. When she did, he noticed the blood matting the top of her head.

“You’re hurt,” he whispered.

“I - am?” she whispered back.

He smiled, relieved to hear her voice finally. “Aye, you have a rather nasty gash on your head there. Were you in an accident?”

“Was I?” her voice sounded thready and far away as she reached a trembling hand up to touch her head. “Ow, that hurts,” she gasped. Yet she kept patting at the wound frantically.

“I’m not surprised, so let’s stop touching it shall we?” he took her slender, ice cold hand in his to still her nervous movements. “What’s your name? Can I call someone for you?”

“I . . . I . . . “ she began to sway as her words turned to incoherent mutterings, then she crumpled against Killian’s chest. He scooped her up in his arms, turning his gaze nervously to the sky as the snow fell in fat, thick flakes. He followed the tail lights back to the truck. He had no choice but to take the mysterious woman home with him before the storm got worse.

**********************************************************

She awoke in a strange bed in a strange room with a strange little girl staring at her. She hurt everywhere, but her head especially throbbed with a sharp, jabbing pain. The sunlight pouring through the window made her wince, and the image of the little girl sitting at the end of the bed went fuzzy.

“This is my room,” the child told her, “but you can use it until you get better.”

She looked around her, evidence of a child everywhere from the dollhouse in the corner to the childish artwork tacked all over the walls. What was she doing here?

“My name is Alice,” the girl continued, bouncing on the bed a bit, making its injured occupant wince. “I’m seven. How old are you?”

“Alice,” another voice gently rebuked from the doorway, “let our patient rest, please.”

“Okay, daddy,” the little girl sighed, but obeyed, skipping out of the room.

A man drew closer to the bed, and her heart thudded wildly in her chest, the urge to flee overwhelming. He lifted both hands, slowing his approach, a gentle look in his eyes. It didn’t help - she didn’t know this man or where she was.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said gently.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in my family’s home,” he explained, “my name is Killian Jones and my son and I found you wandering in the road. We’re in the midst of a bad storm, so I had no choice but to bring you here.”

She had never been so confused in her life, and she let her head fall back on the pillow. A sharp pain caused her to cry out, and she reached up to find a bandage on the top of her head.

“What happened to me?”

“Well,” Killian told her patiently, “you had a gash on your head and some other cuts and bruises. I bandaged you up.”

“You’re a doctor?”

He smiled, and despite the situation, she found it charming. “A vet, but the principles are largely the same. Nevertheless, I’ve called the town doctor and he’ll be coming out once the roads are cleared.”

“The roads?”

“We’re snowed in.”

She moaned. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and shame washed over her. She couldn’t let this stranger see her cry.

“Listen,” he said softly, “you were hurt and wandering around. Do you remember what happened?”

She lifted both hands to cover her face. “No, I have no idea where I am or how I got here.”

“Well, how about your name? Let’s start there.”

“My name is -” Suddenly, her chest tightened and she couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning. “Oh my God. I don’t know! I don’t know my name!”

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” Killian soothed, laying a hand tentatively on her shoulder, “you hit your head, so it’s understandable. I’m sure it will all come back to you soon.”

How could he be so damn calm? She didn’t know who she was!

“I . . . I . . . “ she looked down at herself and saw a pajama top covered in pink roses, “I’m in pajamas.”

The man smiled again in that way that made her heart flip like a damn teenager. “And you look good in them, so that’s a win.”

“I hate pink,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose. “And flowery shirts.”

Killian’s eyebrows quirked up. They were quite expressive, she noticed. “Well there you go, you remember that!”

“Wait,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him, “how did I get into pajamas?” Surely she wasn’t wandering the road in her pjs.

His eyes grew large and he lifted both hands in a defensive gesture. “It wasn’t me! My friend Mary Margaret did that. She’s a volunteer down at the hospital.”

“I helped!” Alice called out, popping up from the foot of the bed. “Cause I want to be a nurse. Or an artist. Or a pilot.”

“Alice Milah Jones,” her father scolded, “I thought I told you to give our patient some peace and quiet?”

“Sorry, Daddy.”

Killian looked back at her, his brow furrowed with concern. “Is there anything I can do for you in the meantime? Anything I can get you?”

She bit down on her lip, those damn tears threatening to spill over again. “No. I think I just want to go back to sleep.”

He frowned, the pity on his face clear. She hated pity. How did she know that? And that she hated pink? And flowered shirts? But not her own damn name?

“Okay,” he told her softly, patting her foot gently through the down comforter on the bed. He was handsome too, she noted. Dark hair, a strong jaw covered in nicely trimmed scruff, bright blue eyes tinged with a bit of sadness that somehow made them more piercing. Suddenly, taking him in from head to toe and thinking of quirky but sweet little Alice, she was sure that she was in a safe place. How she knew she wasn’t sure, but it settled deep within her and took root.

Killian left, closing the door silently behind him. She slid beneath the warm blankets as her eyes fluttered closed. She dreamed of snow and blue eyes and strong arms but not of who she was or where she came from.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Homestretch....the final Cyberverse episodes... :’(

Season 3: Episodes 21 - 26

Episode 21

Ok so before we start, I gotta fess up and say I got spoiled for something because Twitter Sucks, so I know Tarn is in this series. Here are my predictions about that: 

Megatron said he rescued Astrotrain from a tyrant. I thought he meant an Alt!Universe version of him, but now that I know This Bastard is gonna be in it, I’m guessing it’s Tarn

If Megatron DID save Astrotrain from Tarn, it’d be hilarious if Tarn & co. weren’t actually planning to kill Astrotrain, they were just using him as transport, in which case Megatron essentially car-jacked (train-jacked?) them.

As much as I rag on Tarn and the DJD I actually do genuinely love the idea of an Autobot + Decepticon teamup against the DJD THAT WOULD BE SO FRICKIN COOL....

Anyways, on to the episode!

Pics taken 10 seconds before disaster, rip Cosmos.

MEDIA BOT and Cosmos! :D GOSH COSMOS REALLY IS CONFIRMED FOR BABY THAT”S ADORABLE.....I’m so glad he’s finally back in a cartoon

OH WHOOPS I FORGOT WINDBLADE WAS FRICKIN DEAD (ish)

LUNA 3???

The “FORBIDDEN” moon? 

Chromia: You can go there anyways! Bee: Huh?  Chromia: When have the rules ever stopped you before? Bee: Fair point

BRO WHY DO YOU HAVE A TOY OF SQUIDSCREAM

aw I love all those photos of him and cosmos, that’s cute

Oh no did he quit the business because he lost Cosmos???

METEOR-FIRE what a cool name

I like this dude a lot

I love that he’s obviously depressed about losing his partner but immediately gets convinced to go break into Luna 3 lmao

HE’S GOT CUTE CAMERAS WITH HIM I love that

LMAO I was gonna say “Wow you just flip the switches alright” THEN HE JUST RIPS THE CORDS OUT I love this guy

Hmm suspicious

Aw I love the space-shots of Cybertron, what a gorgeous planet....

Oh hello cannon-fodder #418

SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE!!!!!

IT”S THE GRUDGE LMAO

It’s probably a sim that shows you the scariest thing you can think of

BLURR!!! AW THAT’S SO SAD

Ok I take it back, it’s probably like MTMTE’s “Cyberutopia” thing where it reads your memory files

Watch the cameras Bee!!!

“Bee, I don’t mean to alarm you, but the alien presence has taken over my circuits” *HEAD DOES A 180* GOSH I LOVE THIS FRICKIN SHOW

The facial expressions in this show are SO FUN Bee’s so expressive I love that

I like that Meteor-Fire is so chill about this, this ain’t his first rodeo

He just snaps his neck back into place that’s so freaky and they play it off so well lol

PRETTY SPACE BALL???? PRETTY SPACE BALL!!! HEY HASBRO CAN YOU MAKE A TOY OF THIS I WANT IT!!!!!!

Gosh I’d legit buy a gem like this if it had constellations engraved on it THAT’S SO PRETTY I LOVE IT

It’s a good thing that Bee’s got Meteor-Fire with him, this is his field!!!

Oh lmao JUST KIDDING I GUESS

Well so much for the alien, rest in pieces

I think Saling already said this in their liveblog but I love that Bee’s collecting Windblade’s parts a-la-Megaman X2 style

COSMOS!!!!!! Yay I’m so glad they got him back!!!

Meteor-Fire: Look everybody, Cosmos is back!!! :D ME TOO BUD I’m so excited to see my space-baby

RODDY AND ARCEE!!!! I love that Percy took over for Maccadam, but that’s also so sad!!! ALSO WHY HAS HE NOT FIXED HIS EYES, RATCHET PLEASE HELP THIS POOR GUY

Episode 22  

OHH PRETTY PLANET

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The background designers on this show are great

Rodimus: That place has nothing but bad memories for me Every Drift fan simultaneously: Mood....

I really don’t think they’ll bring Drift back (unless he’s like, a zombie, which would still suck) so that’s a bummer

Rodimus: *Talking about his trauma* Me, very distracted: Wow Bee looks really cute here

SERIOUSLY THOUGH THEY NEED RUNG IN THIS SERIES They need a therapist in every Transformers series, all these bots need therapy (though tbf they tried to give Starscream therapy and that sure didn’t help, pft)

GRIMLOCK MAYBE DON’T--oh ok too late WELL THERE THEY GO

Repugnis?? I don’t remember who that is

A CITY?????? PRETTY

INSECTICON

lmao the frickin voice actor for that grey dude cracked me up

BEE MAYBE DON’T IMMEDIATELY TRUST THEM

Energon masters???? What

Interesting that they used “She” for Grimlock

Affluence?? 

Oh great these guys are the Cybertronian bourgeoisie 

Oh boy they’re just wasting energon huh

THE SHOCKS????

That’s a pretty bubble but JEEZ

OH NO WHY CAN”T HE TRANSFORM??

WAIT WHERE”S THE AUDIO oh wait no OP did mention there was an audio dropout

Is Grimlock gonna make friends with the bugs!!!

OH RIGHT the bug is Repugnis 

Aw the bugs are way nicer than the bourgeoisie, surprising absolutely no one

HELL YEAH, EAT THE RICH GRIMLOCK

“If we let you go, things will change! We like things the way they are” jeez

I wonder how the Shocks came about

It frickin figures

PRISON BREAK BEE!!!!

EAT HIM GRIMLOCK!!!

“Well this is quite astonishing” cute....

YEAH I WAS WONDERING IF THEY HAD THE SAME ALT MODE they looked like they had bug-bits, I didn’t realize that thing was keeping them from transforming though

Episode 23   

Oh right Megatron has a Matrix of Leadership I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

I ALSO FORGOT WHIRL WAS IN THIS SERIES, MY BABY.....

JETFIRE WATCH OUT YOU BIG NERD

“Rack ‘n Ruin and Ratchet” OH IS THIS GONNA BE A RATCHET EPISODE??? PLEASE?????? PLEASE SAY RATCHET EPISODE

Aw poor Rack n Ruin...

RATCHET BABY BOY!!! I forgot he was a New Yorker in this series lmao

“I LOVE Jetfire!”  “I know, me too!” CUTE....

I love that every continuity has Ratchet stuck with someone who annoys him in a ship

I love that Ratchet’s not even concerned

RATCHET’S DESIGN IN CYBERVERSE IS SO CUTE...

Wait UNSPACE???? Isn’t that where they sent a bunch of bad people????

Different Quantum Frequencies??? Dimensionally aligned??? MAN I LOVE THIS GOOFY SHOW

“It’s a blue-purple” CUTE....

UH OH HERE COMES ASTROTRAIN throwing dead-end??

I love that Astrotrain is so HUGE compared to everyone else, thank you Cyberverse for my life

“Every time..” LMAO GOSH THIS SHOW IS LITERALLY THE BEST someone please make a gif of that. I love that this implies that every time someone rides in Astrotrain they get ejected at 100 mph and skid 50 ft face-first, that’s such a delightful mental image. I think this 5 second scene is legitimately one of my favorite goofs / scenes in this show IT’S JUST THAT GOOD

You can tell I really enjoyed something when I make a meme of it

IT”S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE!!!!!!!!

OK IT’S LEGITIMATELY A LITTLE FRIGHTENING TO SEE HOW HUGE ASTROTRAIN IS WHEN IN ATTACK-MODE, HE SO EASILY PICKED THEM UP but that’s why it’s cool for him to be SO much bigger than they are, I LOVE BIG CYBERTRONIANS

LMAO I LOVE ASTROTRAIN he’s such a turd to DeadEnd

“Time to pay Ratchet a house-call. ‘Cuz he’s a doctor!” I almost snorted my drink up my nose, I LOVE THE DORKY HUMOR IN THIS SHOW

I swear this series was made with me in mind

TWO HEADS, NO BRAINCELLS

You wonder if Shadow Striker and Soundwave ever just rock-paper-scissor to see who has to deal with the latest Autobot bs that day

“And we don’t” OH SHOOT THEY’RE BEING LEFT OUT OF THE DECEPTICON’S PLANS TOO...This is more dire than I thought

Man I really do love Shadow Striker and Soundwave, they’re the only competent Decepticons

OH NO NOT RATCHET!!! NO!!!!!

Ohh so Astrotrain is still a triple changer in this series!! :O

WOW A SHOT TO THE HEAD REALLY DIDN”T DO ANYTHING HUH

REST IN PIECES DEADEND lmao he and Percy both have good survival stats it seems

NICE MOVES GRANDPA glad your hips still work lol

Oh good I’m glad they actually kept the purple thing

RIP Rack n Ruin

DEADEND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS

YEAHHHHH SHADOW STRIKER AND SOUNDWAVE!!!!!

“You’ve been told this area is off-limits” Oh shoot so Megatron really doesn’t trust them with this huh??? Must be some serious stuff they saw while universe-hopping

“Make us” SOUNDWAVE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY SASSY BOY

Love that he’s pissing off this dude who’s literally 4 times his height, love my son

Shadow Striker & Soundwave are Goth / Jock solidarity

Ratchet: Yeah yeah yeah I know Cuteeee

Wow they’re really not gonna help Shadow Striker and Soundwave????

THEY’RE LITERALLY JUST DOLL-SIZE IN HIS HANDS which is probably a not great reminder for Soundwave after that Dr. Tentacle Dude incident

Astrotrain: *bops their faces together* heehee Soundwave: BI Shadow Striker: >8(

JEEZ, BYE ASTROTRAIN

THE STYLE IS SO JARRING I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE UNSPACE AND HOW IT LOOKS (especially when contrasted with the regular drawing-style of the show. Really great artistic choice!)

Oh shoot so Astrotrain can just leave whenever huh

Aw what cute high fives, man this show has such good vibes

Episode 24  

NOOOO ONLY THREE EPISODES LEFT.....

:(((((

WINDLBADE!!!! I hope she’ll be ok

DID it work?? Wait you guys still have two frickin shards left, YOU”RE SO BAD AT THIS

A SHARK????? WTF

HE JUST PICKED HER UP AND DIPPED WTF WHO IS THAT

It’s not Skybyte obviously but he’s a shark too so WHO IS THAT

OHH IS THAT THE HALL OF RECORDS???? 

Wait wtf the Decepticons are attacking?? Oh wait RACK N RUIN DID YOU REALLY TELL THEM THAT

OH NO HE FROZE

WHOA  WHAT”S HAPPENING

WHAT OPTIMUS NO

WHAT”S HAPPENING!!!!! WTF

I WAS GONNA MAKE A BSOD JOKE BUT I TAKE IT ALL BACK OPTIMUS PLEASE BE OK YOU CAN’T DIE IN THIS SERIES

Is this referencing the other time when he glitched oh no....I knew that’d come back to bite us

In other news, I love that we’re learning more about the life and (cyber)biology of Cybertron, I’m so glad we got to have pretty much almost the entire series set on Cybertron

I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THAT!!! THAT’S SO COOL!!! This is the stuff I want to see in Transformers shows!!!

Hasbro could literally make a nature documentary set on Cybertron and I’d be ecstatic. Gimme more details about their world and architecture and city stuff

“Fellow Primes, why have I been summoned?” Oh shoot so the other past primes can just jack OP’s consciousness whenever??? That frickin sucks. I do love the Atlantis vibes I’m ge HOLY FRICK IS THAT MAC

AHHHHHHHH MACCADAM!!!!!!!!!!! GRANDPA!!!!!!! PLEASE GIVE OPTIMUS DAD ADVICE!!!!!! IM SO GLAD WE GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN

Chromia: Bee are you crazy?? Bee: YES! *jumps off the ship*

I love that this weird storm cloud area is basically like an ocean, that’s so cool

OH NO BEE!!!!!!!

Jeez that startled me, the shark sounds just like Bee

“Well you’re doing a scrap job” lmao Chromia please

Oh it’s the Argon Sea, it IS an ocean pft

“An ancient evil” hooo boy

BEE he’s so cute. Wait don’t just jump down a random hole AT LEAST WAIT FOR CHROMIA

CREEPY TENTACLE STUFF AGAIN, JEEZ CYBERVERSE

KICK HIS BUTT CHROMIA

Aw man, not you too Bee

MISTRESS OF FLAME!!!! I get so excited about every IDW reference haha, I love Caminus and I love that they’re letting that still exist

JEEZ THAT”S NOT CREEPY AT ALL

Is this a Titan???? IT IS A TITAN

It’s like a Cthulu titan huh

Chromia: That is THE creepiest thing I’ve ever heard THANK YOU CHROMIA, SAME THOUGHT

Chromia’s just like “This doesn’t even come close to my Top 10 list of BS I’ve had to deal with lately”

More weird smoke, oh great

JEEZ THAT’S A FREAKY TITAN

Me, crying softly: GAY RIGHTS....(and Bee). MAN THE FRIENSHIPS IN THIS SHOW ARE SO GREAT :’)

ALCHEMIST PRIME!!!!!!!!! I FRICKIN KNEW YOU WERE A PRIME

“But this is not about me” I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THOUGH

Wait why is a part of Windblade in Megatron’s Matrix

WHY WOULD THEY ALSO BE IN THE OTHER MATRIX oh they mean alt-universe them

It’s frickin HYSTERICAL that every time Optimus has some ~deep spiritual~ conversation with the past Primes he’s just standing there frozen while the Autobots wait for him to unfreeze like he’s some kind of ancient computer doing updates. Like, that’s legitimately one of the funniest pieces of information canon’s given us so far, thank you for my life Cyberverse writers.

I wonder if Arcee and the other bots ever take selfies with him while he’s frozen like that THERE’S SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR COMEDY HERE

Optimus: *is frozen for a couple hours while talking to old Primes* Autobots: *put on PJs and unroll their sleeping bags so they can have a slumber party while waiting for him*

Heck now I’m just imagining them playing truth or dare or some similar game while waiting for Optimus to wake up. 

I’m sure at some point during their voyage on the Ark, Optimus froze and they all played the “who can do this silly / embarrassing thing in front of Optimus and get away with it before he wakes up” game. Like, Rodimus somersaults down the hall while spouting fire in front of Optimus, Bee does a handstand while singing the alphabet backwards, etc, and whoever’s in front of Optimus when he “wakes up” loses. (It’d be even funnier if Optimus kept pretending to be frozen while they played until someone did something REALLY embarrassing and he unfroze to freak them out. Then again, the Matrix going back into his chest would probably be too much of a giveaway huh)

OH NO I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN THE EUPHORIA OF THIS IDEA I FORGOT THERE’S ONLY TOO EPISODES LEFT NOW....

Episode 25

I love Astrotrain’s design (both in bot-mode and his alt mode) because he just looks like a grumpy evil train and that makes me so happy.

Also RAIN!!! I love rain and this looks so pretty

LMAO ASTROTRAIN YOU’RE SUCH A TURD I had no opinion of him before this show but now I frickin love him

HE PULLED THE CHAIR OUT FROM UNDER HIM

“I HAVE HIS MATRIX” OH NO DID HE STEAL THIS FROM SHATTERED GLASS’ OPTIMUS OH FRICK

Megatron running like that while holding the Matrix in his hands reminds me so vividly of a younger sibling stealing their older sibling’s diary and fleeing at top-speed from said older sibling and that’s hilarious to me. Megatron is so petty

Dang, so that’s how his eye got messed up. Ngl it’s a good look

CYBER COWS!!!!

Wow that wall is so WEAK the Decepticons are so dumb lmao

Oh yeah they have a new furry on their team

Rodimus: Math isn’t my strong-suit.

Arcee: Especially me!  Arcee you are ADORABLE

OH SHOOT MEGATRON CAN TALK TO THE PAST PRIMES TOO...DANG

WINDBLADE!!! MAKE WINDBLADE A PRIME YOU COWARDS

Ok I know I said “Shattered-Glass Optimus” earlier but based on that spoiler some moron on Twitter posted, IT’S PROBABLY TARN...man I wish I hadn’t seen that spoiler but despite that IM STILL EXCITED

Makes you wonder how TARN got the Matrix though (not that I can’t guess 8( )

Oh my gosh I just realized we have the potential to see Windblade kick Tarn’s butt in this series. Cyberverse PLEASE, I’D LOVE TO SEE THAT

Ah so Astrotrain is the new scientist

Ur bugs are probably dead dude

LASERBEAK!!!!

RAVAGE??? Oh no that’s the furry dude MAN I GET SO EXCITED EVERY TIME, I KEEP FORGETTING

As much as I Die for loyal Soundwave, it’s really cool seeing him being his own character and acting on his own in this series and trusting his own judgement / surveillance! It’s so good. Soundwave you’re so smart (and I love that he loves Laserbeak :’) )

*SOBBING* CASE IN POINT...HE PET THE BABY..

OHOHO IT”S *THE* INSECTICONS

Oh shoot the Insecticons are deserting 

“No one can stop him. Not even you” dang son

“He doesn’t want us. He wants you” OH BOY

MY BABY WHIRL!!!! THAT’S MY BOY

SEEKERS!!! I forgot we still had a few who Starscream didn’t frickin kill

NICE JUMP-ATTACK OPTIMUS I love that he cuts the dude’s weapon in half meanwhile Grimlock just frickin eats the guy lmao. So much for Optimus’ mercy

FRICK FRICK FRICK IT IS TARN

OK TARN OBJECTIVELY SUCKS BUT AT THE SAME TIME I ACTUALLY DO LOVE HIM BECAUSE HOLY FRICK IS HE A DANGEROUS CHARACTER AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO PLAY WITH THERE, I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM AND HOW THEY USE HIM FOR THE STORY AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead End: Yeah, I see your point Lmao I love this guy

Everyone’s gonna frickin die in this series

OH NO WHIRL oh wait yeah he and Dead End know each other, Whirl’s fine

SOUNDWAVE CAN YOU AND SHADOW STRIKER CHILL FOR 2 SECONDS

I love Skybyte’s voice

WOW MEGATRON, YOU”RE ONLY PROTECTING HALF THE PLANET, JEEZ

OH SHOOT

OH SHOOT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh so that’s why they had a wall, Megatron you turd

WHIRL NO!!!!!!! oh he’s fine thank goodness

Did Megatron get taller??? He looks taller than Optimus now

Just use Optimus’ matrix you big baby

“It’s time I called in that debt you owe me. Now it’s time for you to save me” I LEGITIMATELY SHRIEKED OUT LOUD, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

THERE HE IS, THERE HE IS THERE HE IS!!!!!!!

SCREW PAST ME’S OPINION, TARN IS FRICKIN COOL AS HELL

OH SHOOT THERE’S A TON OF HIM WTF

WHERE’S THAT FRICKIN “THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS, THERE!!! IT!!! IS!!!” MEME BECAUSE THAT’S BEEN ME THIS ENTIRE EPISODE HOLY HECK

Episode 26

MORE PRIME NAMES!!! A) that’s very pretty B) LEGIT THOUGH IF WINDBLADE’S THE ONE WHO KICKS TARN’S BUTT I’LL GO APE

OH FRICK IF OPTIMUS IS THERE THEN TARN REALLY DID KILL HIM or it means he beefed it in that universe, as he usually does

“I wish I’d gotten to know you better” 8((((((

What happened to Alt!Universe Optimus!!!!!!! How did you die!!!

Windblade: Optimus, you’re speaking in riddles... Optimus: I always do, it comes with the job of Prime. Windblade: Oh right

“A perfect Decepticon race” HOO BOYZY.....

“All because I spared your life” MAN THAT HURTS

At least they aren’t attacking them right now?

HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY RESOLVE THIS SERIES IN 10 MINUTES

ASTROTRAIN YOU COWARD not that I blame him, every bot for themself I guess

OH NO THE HURT PUPPY WHINE MAKES ME SO SAD

HELL YEAH SOUNDWAVE SAVE MY BABY BEE

I TAKE IT BACK TARN IS CANCELED, HE HIT SOUNDWAVE

*AND* HE GRABBED CHROMIA, YOU”RE CANCELED, ALL THESE CLONES ARE CANCELED

SOUNDWAVE IS THE ONLY VALID DECEPTICON

Optimus: Can’t keep-- Megatron: WE MUST! Me: *SOBS*

OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON BACK-TO-BACK FIGHTING AHHHHHHHHHH, IT”S THE LITTLE-THINGS

Definitely not the right time for this joke but: AU where instead of saying “Powers of Cybertron, unite!” they say “GAY RIGHTS” to activate their Matrix powers

Frick what if they kill MEGATRON in this series

HECK YEAH EVERYONE’S GETTING AN UPGRADE

Megatron: We must join our Matrixes together! Optimus: Now REALLY isn’t the best time for a marriage proposal Megatron: What Optimus: What

Thank you for telling Optimus to get down for once instead of just blasting him AND the Tarn-copies, Megatron

OH FRICK IT IS ALT-UNIVERSE MEGATRON NOT TARN WHO’S THE BIG BAD

I LEGIT STOPPED BREATHING DURING THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE AHHHH

THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER (AND WORSE) THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT MEANS ALT!UNIVERSE MEGATRON DID KILL OPTIMUS...MEANWHILE OUR UNIVERSE’S MEGATRON SPARED OPTIMUS...MAN THAT HURTS ME SO BAD

MEGATRON NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OPTIMUS SAVE HIM SAVE HIM PLEASE SOMEHOW SAVE HIM!!!!!

OPTIMUS LITERALLY FRICKIN RAN ACROSS THE ROOM TO CATCH HIM, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS DRAMA

NO!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN”T DO THIS TO ME CYBERVERSE

“Prime...one shall stand...one shall....” THIS IS THE SADDEST FRICKIN THING THAT”S HAPPENED IM LEGIT GONNA CRY, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Hold on...my friend...” IM GONNA BAWL MY EYES OUT OPTIMUS

I legit had to take a moment to get up and do a lap around my room while processing what happened LIKE OK I KNOW THEY PROBABLY (???) WON’T PERMA-KILL MEGATRON BUT FRICK DUDE THAT WAS SO EMOTIONAL

MEGAOP RIGHTS....BUT AT WHAT COST

What’s fricking me up rn (granted, several things are fricking me up right now) is that this universe’s Megatron knew he could’ve achieved his goals if he’d just killed Optimus. He said so himself; he could’ve had it all but he failed “all because I spared your [Optimus’] life”. Whatever he saw in that other universe convinced him that killing Optimus just wasn’t worth it (or perhaps, deep deep DEEP down, he really doesn’t want to kill his old friend).

I’m rewatching that last minute and this feels like a frickin fanfiction. I’m Living but also Dying

I KNOW THIS IS A VERY TENSE SCENE BUT MEGATRON’S “I won’t pay for anything!” MADE ME LAUGH

SOUNDWAVE STANDING BETWEEN SHADOW-STRIKER AND MEGATRON!!!!!!!!! STANDING UP TO MEGATRON!!!! SOBS I LOVE SOUNDWAVE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO PLEASE BE CAREFUL MY SWEET BOY!!!!! IF YOU GET HURT ILL NEVER BE OVER IT

Two reasons he could’ve done that: to keep Shadow Striker from getting super pissed off and lashing out at this enemy who’s way above their level, or because the “jacked up Frankenstein experiment” thing is a sore subject for her and Soundwave recognizes that (and frankly I’m leaning toward option B because SOBS....I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP)

GOTH FRIENDS!!!

OH OK THANK GOODNESS, MEGATRON ISN’T DEAD DEAD YET

Dang so Megatron did kill Optimus

OH NO WE’RE GETTING A FLASHBACK

FRICK THAT”S SO GRUESOME, HE JUST RIPPED OPTIMUS’ CHEST OPEN

YOU ALREADY KNOW THE MOST PERFECT DECEPTICON, HIS NAME IS SOUNDWAVE!!! YOU JUST DON’T APPRECIATE HIM YOU BIG BULLY

Oh shoot so the Quints came to that world too

DANG HE JUST WRECKED THEIR SHIP HUH....

I’m loving this throwback to the IDW design

WOW Y’ALL JUST IMMEDIATELY WENT “SURE WE’RE ONBOARD” (I mean, good way to stay alive but C’MON GUYS....)

“I have no need for any of you” WHOOPS SO MUCH FOR THAT should’ve seen that coming

THIS SUCKS SO BAD

NONONONO!!!! MEGATRON!!!!

HECK NOW HE HAS THE MATRIX

wow you guys really just let Megatron fall to the floor COME ON OPTIMUS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SMOOTH MOVES

NICE ONE BEE!!!!!!

YEAH WERE ARE ARCEE AND HOT ROD

FRICK YEAH WHIRL, MESS HIM UP!!!!!!!!!

YEAH SHADOW STRIKER!!!!!!

RATCHET PUNCHING TARN HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

FRICK HE CAN JUST MATERIALIZE LIKE THAT TOO

WELL THAT DIDN’T LAST LONG

BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“And now you will pay the price...for being a hero” DANG THAT”S A COOL LINE BUT DON’T HURT MY BOY

FRICK HIM UP OPTIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINDBLADE NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SAVE EVERYONE

YEAHHHH WINDBLADE!!!!!!!

Yeah don’t turn your back on the body please

YO Astrotrain came back

ASTROTRAIN THAT SOUNDS SO CREEPY AND ALSO THAT’S SUCH A BAD IDEA, JUST KILL HIM

I know this is a kid’s show but PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE HE WON’T POP BACK UP IN A FEW YEARS WITH ANOTHER ARMY

IM GLAD WINDBLADE IS BACK AND IM LOVING THE HUG BUT DID MEGATRON LEGIT FRICKIN DIE????

WHAT!!! WHAT THAT CAN’T BE IT!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU END IT LIKE THAT NO!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO ABRUPT nO!!!!!!!!!! 

The last few episodes were such an adrenaline rush I CAN”T BELIEVE WE CAME DOWN FROM THAT HIGH SO QUICKLY....IS MEGATRON ALIVE??? KICKSTARTER TO FUND ONE MORE EPISODE???? SPARE ANOTHER EPISODE FOR A POOR FAN???

MAN I wish we could’ve stayed in the universe of this show for a little longer but dang!!! That was really really good!!! I’m so grateful we got to have such a wonderful series like Cyberverse! :’) Thank you to everyone who worked on this incredible show!!!

Man now I gotta wait for WfC for new Transformers content....at least I can look through the tag w/out getting spoiled now

A few more thoughts now that I’ve re-read my liveblog:

If Megatron could hop into the Matrix of Leadership he possessed, I wonder if he ever had a chance to talk to that universe’s Optimus Prime... :( based on what he said, probably not, but that makes me so sad!!!! Did they ever get the chance to work things out!!! IS MEGATRON ALIVE OR NOT.....

[itwasmagic]

tagged by: @sarahsjeffery (thank u this one was very fun! sorry i’m late)

rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. don’t cheat. tag some people

lost girl

ouat

btvs

legacies

caos

who is your favorite character in 2?

regina mills

who is your least favorite character in 1?

oh noooo why did i pick this order...... massimo,,, wait no!! hades for what he did to tamsin and aife and trick and well everyone??? but also what the fuck was rainer get out of here i block out all of s4

what is your favorite episode of 4?

i liked there’s a mummy on main street bc of the car scenes and getting more backstory of the twins and hope

what is your favorite season of 5?

i thinnnkk season 2

who is your favorite couple in 3?

tara and willow

who is your favorite couple in 2?

emma and regina

what is your favorite episode of 1?

okay every question about lost girl is gonna make me emotional i love the kenzi scale and fae-ge against the machine!!  

what is your favorite episode of 5?

maybe the masquerade ep for the costumes or like the one where they did that play of lilith im not good with ep titles and stuff when i watch on netflix bc they all blur into one

what is your favorite season of 2?

probably s1 intense sq and no beards,, yes

how long have you watched 1?

i think s2 started while i was midway through s1 so for about 9 years

how did you become interested in 3?

OHH THIS IS A STORY well i was 2.5yo when it started and a lady my dad worked with used to love it and talk about it so apparently being an annoying toddler learning to talk i kept bugging my dad about it (even tho i probably had no clue what it was about) but my ever sensible mam was like u literally cannot watch this show with a toddler it will TERRIFY her but then when i was about 3-4 he finally let me watch it and i was obsessssssed and anyone who has met me irl i feel like if you watched it you’d just be like “oh,, ,this is why she’s that way” bc i was raised on it i’m dramatic and blunt i can’t help it but that’s also why i had not much memory of the first couple of seasons so i needed a rewatch badly

who is your favorite actor in 4?

i dont know all the cast that well but from what i’ve seen i love kaylee and her love of theatre

which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

you’re really gonna make me pick between lost girl and ouat (sorry i love caos but it doesn’t even come close),,,, probably lost girl bc i met most of my fandom friends from that show, i have a tattoo, the cons were my absolute fav and even though i didn’t love the plots of s4 and 5 as a whole they had really good stand alone episodes but ouat i feel fell flat in a lot of ways and i was watching it purely for swan queen

which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3?

i’ve probably rewatched 1 more but 3 was longer running/had many more episodes

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

probably none they all have not good stories lol

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

oh my god yessss imagine buffy turning up at the salvatore school going after some ripper vamp with no humanity and hope jumping in like u don’t have to do this alone!! and oz becoming part of the pack!!

pair two characters in 1. who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

okay lost girl has gone in almost every direction possible but man do i want kenzi/evony to be a thing no one attaccc me that scene where kenzi, nate and evony go out for dinner in table for fae sent me 

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

uhhh i think coas is probably more focused

which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

i think ouat’s is maybe more iconic to me

tagging: @sopheirion @bidoctor @softhizzie @mareyshelley (sorry if you’ve already done it bc im so late)

[enixamyram]

Rose’s Q&A’s on Sunday

Any OUAT issues: Robin's bow and arrow. Beautiful romantic moments were interrupted by Rose being hit by them! Also the bug was always like a clown car because there was so much to stuff inside and it was always the bow and arrows that were in the way the most when filming scenes in the bug.

Creating a Disney world ride: spinning tea cup with no restraints.

What Marvel characters would she be: Black Widow. She's kick ass.

Overcome fear: She's afraid of heights but went bungee jumping (which she wasn't allowed to do since if she was hurt it would screw up filming, so it was a secret though she did tell Colin and Andy). When jumping she screamed the whole way down, but it’s like jumping twice because of the bounce. So she jumped, bounced like she was doing it again and it helped overcome her fear.

Funniest moments on set: So many funny moments. Especially when lines are similar in a long speech and you stumble over them. And to make it worse, you're staring in someone's eyes and they can do whatever they want cause they're normally off camera. And you can always see the twitching on their faces and lips as well.

Songs for the others: Africa by Toto for Colin. Leon Ridges Album for Andy

Character to introduce: The March Hair.

What's it like looking back at the show: Incredible. You can't prepare for it. Her friend is a massive fan of OUAT and got to meet some of the cast because of her so she knew what she was in for beforehand. It's so amazing cause you do the work and resonating with the fans is a bonus. Meeting everyone and witnessing the reaction is incredible.

Party tricks: She does a really good Andrew J West impression. (Andrew then said his was sound affects, and Rose added that on the set of Wasted, she had to slide into frame for a shot. And whenever she did she made the same whoosh sound affect and kept getting told off for it. She even forgot she was doing it at one point and had to be reminded.)

Touching thing someone has said: The LGBT fans who say her role gave them confidence and helped them come out and accept themselves.

How did the get their role: Rose was in the running to play Captain Hook! Lol, just a joke obviously. She did a self tape at home but didn't know who she was playing lol. She did the Hatter scene and sent it off and then got a code name before finding out she was playing Alice.

Play or musical: a Greek tragedy

Favourite Bobby memory: ALL memories. She couldn't praise him enough as a person and an actor! Also gonna add that Colin was pretty much the same. He admired Bobby so much, he was his role model and the very reason he joined the show and he literally called the guy a God like twice haha. In other words nothing but praise and good times all around!

(This was my question and I also took the chance to ask Colin about his impressive Rose impression.)

How it felt exploring the LGBT: Shout out to Rose on this one. Because Rose actually went spoke to A & E after finding out Alice was gay and said she wanted it to be real and more than one episode so it could be real and done properly (unlike Ruby and Dorothy). And she hopes we liked the arc they had in the season.

Asked about her relationship with Robin: Her fav scenes is the bookshop date they went on. She wanted it to be real and not just your token love story. She wanted it to be real and true. (And because it's about Rose's character lol) Colin thought S7's love story was really well done and the investing in Alice and Robin was rightly timed. And not making more of it than the fact that it's a normal love story.

Rose and Colin had to explain pantomimes for Andy.

Advice About Acting: It's about bringing yourself to the character and have a vulnerability and openness that allow the character in. But it's not something you learn in school. It's more something you learn over time. And having people around who understand you and that helps. 

More advice about uni and living alone: She never went to uni so passed the question to Andy.

Most upsetting scene she had to film: Rose's was saying goodbye to the troll in The Girl In The Tower. Party because she was tired in general but mostly because of the speech she gave. Something about saying "I'm okay, thank you for looking after me but I'm okay now" was really heartbreaking. Colin's was Dark Hook's death and also singing to baby Alice! It was emotional for him because he had his own daughter at the time so it really weighed on him. And he and Rose both chose the "more important one" (their words lol) to be when Rogers and Tilly have their phone conversation after the curse (the improvised I Love You’s scene).

Funniest thing: So much. Mostly in Henry's apartment, playing guitar and messing between takes. Or any scene with her, Colin and Andy cause it was later after they had gotten to know each other and could relax a bit more.

How would Alice tell Rogers she was pregnant: I could not keep up with this one! It was hilarious! They were roleplaying it out with Alice telling Rogers she was pregnant but poor Rose was confused and thought it was about the wedding. So after realising it wasn’t the wedding, she literally just turned to him and said; "Hi dad. I'm pregnant!" (Will try and get the full convo up at one point.)

And that’s that one done as well!!!

[tumblunni]

Stuff to appreciate:

* the pokemon theme remix sounding like football/rugby/otehr sports tourney music! we’ve seen it confirmed that there’s poke-football here so i hope they do reference rugby too and maybe some hockey? we’re honestly a really sports mad nation, tho not as much as america perhaps

* All the lil touches of random normal british stuff that i just TOTALLY MISSED the first time watching cos well its fuckin normal for me lol! im just realizing this is the first time ive seen a house have a wheelbarrow out front in a pokemon game. do other countries just not have as many wheelbarrows or do you like to hide them or somethin?? HOW DO YOU GARDEN! we like wheelbarrows so much there’s several characters in old kids shows thatre just a wheelbarrow, and lots of grandmas like to keep broken wheelbarrows and turn them into plantpots just for the aesthetic of wheelbarrows. Also welly boots!! what do people even call them in other countries cos wellingtons is a very british thing right?

* other nice touches: route signs being like our traffic signs LOL IM CONSTANTLY GONNA MISTAKE THEM FOR A SPEED LIMIT, a lot of those nice pastry crust lookin turf-roof cottages even tho sadly they arent super common anymore nowadays, generally showing a LOT of different british housing architecture like even got the old london double chimney stack things!

* oh man they even got those ground staircase things what is even the name of those actually? i always like the aesthetic of country villages that are more in harmony with nature and it sucks that so much of britain is more industrialized instead nowadays

* BIG BAGS like lol i was going OMG IM SO GLAD THE PROTAGONIST FINALLY HAS A BIG BAG even before i realized it was britain like wow is that a stereotype about us that we carry giant bags everywhere cos thats fuckin true. ‘tardis purses’ are really common amoung anyone who doesnt use backpacks, like everything has to be hybridized with a backpack somehow or else u wear a cardigan just cos stupid modern clothes aint got good pockets FUCKIN HELL I COULD FIT A WHOLE HOUSE IN A CARDIGAN i still remember how in high school i cut a hole in the bottom of my pockets so i could stuff things into the entire lining of the jacket and basically wear a bag like OH i just realized this stereotype must be really old and maybe thats legit where the tardis/mary poppins/d&d’s bag of holding actually came from? you ask for literally goddamn anything on a train in britain and someone’s gonna pull it out of apparantly nowhere, being prepared is just a Thing here

* lol they cant really show how much Pub Culture we have over here in a kids game probably? like we’re one of the world’s biggest consumers of alcohol and HOO BOY, drunken riots are a frequent occurance along with the sports obsession. also over here we straight up dont have non alcoholic cider and i was REALLY CONFUSED that america ONLY has non alcoholic version like i DIDNT KNOW IT EXISTED so i just thought they gave their kids beer?? cider festivals over here are real fun, its part of how ‘pub culture’ is kinda an all ages thing even if the kids cant drink the stuff. like there’s all fun farm events and kids rides and bbq and stuff at a cider or ale brewing town festival thing. and basically the difference between pubs and more american style bars is that pubs are..like.. homey? they really are just the ‘jrpg tavern’ thats a thing of old history in america. its more of a hangout spot thats open all day and is more spacious with comfy seating and they do food and gardens and stuff. its common to bring kids to a pub during the day and its only in the evening that its adults only, which is kinda arbitrary cos i mean they still sell booze in the mornings its just that its ONLY booze in the evenings and the family meal kitchens close. also in the mornings they still have all the gambling machines turned on and lol as a kid my dad used to plonk me down on them so i could ‘play games’ while he talked with his friends. it was extra funny how the european gambling laws made them take the game corner out of pokemon cos i knew what a slot machine was even before i played pokemon and i was like 4 when it came out XD

* yay for big fancy libraries and museums!! i hope maybe they also show buses and trains? its generally a thing that we have more extensive and well funded public transport and buildings than america. like no offense but i was fuckin FLOORED when i learned that there’s whole states that have no trains! like over here buses and trains are used even more than cars! having even one single place unreachable by bus is enough to cause protests! also maybe have some hospital themed gym leader to symbolise good healthcare but honestly they could have put that in ANY of the regions so far except for unova. srsly im always so scared for my american friends cos of that...

* IS THAT A FUCKIN REUSEABLE CARRIER BAG?? like what a weirdly specific thing to reference! do other countries have the carrier bag tax too?

* also LOL putting stickers on the back of the wardrobe!! thats such a brit kid thing, whenever u move to a new place and it has furniture included you’ll always turn something around and see a bunch of stickers someone left from years ago. it was alwyas funny as a kid to see which ones got wrecked in the move, i dunno why a headless bugs bunny was the height of my afternoon at age 9

* Weird notice: this house looks a lot like the Old Chateau from sinnoh? except obviously its more modern and not abandoned and all. makes me think that the dub kinda hecked up by calling the place french and it might have been intentionally meant to be british? its just called a ‘foreign style house’ in japanese, not a chateau.

* ALSO SINNOH FEELS! please bring the minigame back! i always felt an odd kinship with oreburgh town as a kid cos the town i grew up in was also a former mining town that turned from a capitol city port into absolute disrepair after the industrial boom ended. struggling to find a new identity and mostly getting by on tourism value of the mines and all. so makes me think this is actually legit a wales town and maybe even cardiff in particular? or other former mining towns of britain. cos having an extensive cave network thats completely unused and youre just allowed to walk around in it like its no big deal = honestly 100% accurate, the underground minigame would completely fit us. i wonder if japan really does have a similar case of the mines all being 100% abandoned and only repurposed into history museums and travel routes?

* this npc is cute and also i appreciate the accuracy to school uniforms over here! this is usually what its like for primary school (i think thats elementary in america?) and itd be in different colours for different schools and have the school badge on the left side there. and summer uniform is often just taking the jumper off and then the shirt underneath also has the same logo on it. but in my school as a kid they annoyingly made us buy a whole separate set of identical shirts but in a different colour to indicate summer uniform like GEEZ DUDE its already expensive enough! made more sense in high school where winter shirts are button up blouses like suit jackets and its only summer that gets a regular cotton shirt. but there you also wear blazers (kids’s suit jacket) instead of jumpers, and jumpers are optional if it gets extra cold but its more of a light cardigan style instead. also boringly every damn school’s colours are black blazers except like one or two rare exceptions. i got extra unlucky and the two high schools i went to also had red shirts so i kept getting them mixed up until i noticed the wrong logo halfway thru the day

* hey lol literally the park behind my house. we get real shitty weather here and i actually kinda hope maybe umbrellas are something we could pick in character customization?

[btsmutandstuff]

BTS Reactions

Being caught jamming to Shine - Pentagon

Request: the most relatable anon in the world: “Hey babe! I love your writing so much you're one of my favourites! Could i request a reaction? Bts catching you singing and dancing around to pentagon - shine and are a little jealous? Lol i was listening to it and felt guilty so i think it would be hilarious 💙”

A/N: goddam if this ain’t me... I love this prompt and I think I kept it mostly short and sweet and pretty fluffy.

Seokjin:

Jin knows, and ultimately doesn’t care, that you stan a bunch of kpop groups. Pentagon has been your most recent infatuation, and their song Shine has been cycling through your queue pretty frequently.

You had played it in the car with Jin, Jungkook and Yoongi the other day, and Jungkook was being a smartass, telling you how disloyal you’re being as a girlfriend to the eldest member of BTS. You roll your eyes and Yoongi quietly joins him, snubbing you for trading your boyfriend in for a newer model- all of Pentagon. You scoffed and shot back some sassy comments to the two trolls as Jin laughed his chirpy giggle, completely unphased other than finding the whole notion hilarious.

Since then, Jin has brought it up when he hears you playing Shine as if he’s caught you red handed each time. He trolls you with fake disdain, tells you he met a cute girl in the elevator, or goes full Dad and tells you he’s taking away your Jin privileges for the night. He’s of course joking, but you can’t help but laugh when he catches you this time. You were cooking something in the kitchen and decided to play it pretty loud, knowing it would draw him out of his room. He pokes his head into the kitchen, eyes bugging out of his head and his puffy lips open in shock.

“Jagi! How dare you!” he begins, his tirade ramping up. He comes over to you and gets right up in your face, poking you gently just under your collar bone like he’s picking on you. You can’t help but laugh as he starts losing it.

“How can you be so disrespectful to your boyfriend?! I’m so loyal and this is what I get in return?!” He shakes his head as he rambles, a smile creeping onto his face as you throw yourself into his arms, laughing harder and harder as he gets red in the face, eventually laughing with you.

Namjoon:

“Babygirl, I’m still your favorite rapper, right?” The question shocks you a little. You’ve been nothing but a stan to him from day one, as a musician and your boyfriend.

“Joon...” you say, tone questioning.

“Never mind, I’m just kidding,” he says, brushing it off. His cheeks are just a bit pink though, clearly embarrassed at revealing his insecurity.

“No! You know you’re my favorite and I’m not just saying that,” you say, reassuring him of what he already knows. He pulls you into a hug and sighs. You peek up at him. “Can I ask where that came from?” You feel his throat shift a little as he swallows before answering. 

“I heard you listening to that Pentagon group…that new song?” he says, suddenly way more casual than before. You would have bought it but he’s not looking you in the eye.

“Mhm….” you coax, knowing he’s probably not actually upset or concerned by this. He’d be more concerned if you only ever listened to him and BTS. He’s a tough guy and an intellectual on the outside but a softie when he’s alone with you.

“And I heard you talking to your friend and doing the “Yutoda” part and talking about his voice and how deep it is…” he spills, tapering off at the end as you start smiling and blushing a little. 

“What?” he asks, tugging on your wrists. 

“You’re so cute, Joonieeeee!!” you whine, pulling his arms around you again and laughing. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he says, confused at your reaction. 

“Joonie, you’re jealous!” you say, reaching up and squishing his cheeks. 

“Umnot jealoush,” he mumbles as you mush his cheeks around his mouth. You smile and pull him into a normal hug.

“You’re my favorite still. Rapper and boyfriend,” you assure him.

“I know, jagi,” he says, rubbing your back a little. His hand stops.

“Wait…favorite boyfriend?” 

Yoongi: 

There they go again, the first six notes of “Shine”, plunked out practically perfectly. You whip your head around, annoyed and amused at Yoongi’s antics at the keyboard in his studio. 

“Seriously?” You look at him incredulously, fighting back the giggle in your stomach. He can be such a troll, but it’s that kind of subtle humor that’s infectiously funny, even to the butt of his joke. And lately, that’s you after he opened your car door to find you blasting the latest Pentagon hit. He ignores you, only smirking to show his satisfaction at getting on your nerves. He rolls some chords, seemingly dropping his joke, until you start to recognize the tune he’s improvising on. He hums a little in his soft voice and confirms the nagging feeling in the back of your head.

“Hmmm….nobody likes youuuu…” he sings quietly, turning a bit in his swiveling office chair to peek at where you’re fuming at him from the couch. You toss a pillow at him, your eyes wide and your mouth hanging open at how ridiculous he’s being.

“I can’t be a fan of another boy group now?!” you squeal, unable to keep from smiling at how amused he is with this little ruse. 

“I never said that,” he mumbles, working hard to hide his smile. “….more like a stan,” he says under his voice, just loud enough for you to hear.

“Well if I’m not mistaken, somebody seems a little jealous,” you say with a sweet tone to your voice, leaning back on the couch and refocusing on your phone. You bite your lip to hide the smile creeping onto your face when you hear his chair swivel around and the familiar scoff. 

“I’m not jealous.” You let his statement settle a moment, knowing he’s waiting for you to retaliate. You finally glance up from your phone to find him slouched back in his chair, facing you. He’s looking at you like as if you’re crazy but he’s also a kid, caught in a lie. You nod at him, innocent look to your eye. You know that’ll drive him nuts. You know how to push his buttons better than anyone. 

“I’m not, Y/N.”

“Totally, babe,” you say, smiling a little and blowing him a kiss. He rolls his eyes and turns around before you can see more than a glimpse of the smile spreading across his face. It’s silent for a moment until you hear him stifle a quiet laugh, then the same six notes that started this whole debacle. 

Hoseok:

You dance around as the chorus comes again, doing your best to imitate the signature move but failing miserably. You tell yourself it’s fine though, since the only audience you have is the half baked cookies you have in the oven as you jam out to Pentagon’s song. 

“Yutoda!” you say in your best man voice, waving your arms around as he begins rapping his verse. You turn to the oven and bend, checking on your cookie status as you bounce slightly to the beat; the song picks up a little as it reaches the final refrain. You do your best to attempt their move again, never quite getting the hand and kick coordination that they seem to have. 

“Ahem…” You whip around at the sound and find Hoseok in the entrance to the kitchen, hand slightly covering his eyes. You flush pink as you realize he’s been watching you long enough to see your sad attempt at the dance for this song, and you groan, turning away from him. He laughs and comes up behind you, hugging you. 

“It’s not that bad,” he says. You turn around to face him, eyes dead serious. Really? That’s what he’s gonna open with.

“I’ve always told you that I would love to teach you a dance!” he says, changing the topic quickly after freezing under your steely gaze. Your mood brightens a little at the fun, albeit a bit embarrassing proposition. 

“Really?” you ask, interest peaked and smile sneaking back across your face.

“Of course, babe! What song do you want to learn?” he asks, going over to your phone. 

“This one! How do they get their hands and feet to go the same direction? Also I feel like I’m gonna fall over every time I get close.” He pauses for a moment and listens, shrugging a little. You wait, expecting him to start the song but he doesn't. 

“I don’t know,” he says, occupying himself with looking through your playlist of songs. “I’ve never gotten it before. What about Fire? I can teach you that choreo easy.” You scrunch up your brow, momentarily confused. 

“Hobi you do that move like every other day. Every time you see Jungkook.” He sighs and puts your phone down, acting like you’re asking him to do a bunch of chores. He shuffles over to you and fidgets with your sweatshirt strings. 

“You don’t wanna learn my dances?” he says, voice quiet and a little whiney. 

“Seriously, Hobi?” he looks at you like he’s pouting, making you laugh a little. “Oh my gosh you’re actually jealous!” 

“I am not! I just think that the first time you let me teach you some moves should be to my music!” he blurts out, tugging on your wrists. You laugh and reach up to pinch his cheek, mimicking his pouty face. He’s rarely jealous and you can’t help but find it amusing. He’s not actually hurt or anything, he’s just being his goofy self.

“Ok how about we save this dance for the next time, and you teach me Blood, Sweat & Tears now?” you compromise, poking at his cheek. He smiles and hugs you, quiet for a moment. 

“I’d love to……except it’s already 10pm and I don’t feel like staying up until dawn,” he jokes, poking your side. You scoff at him, whacking his arm at his mean but funny joke. You weren’t that bad..right?

 Jimin: 

You loved going on drives with Jimin because you got to hang out and play your favorite new music for each other. Sometimes the two of you would run errands and other times you simply got in the car and drove around just to spend time together listening to songs. Plus you knew Jimin would eventually end up singing to you; something that still melts your heart even after dating him for this long.

“Have you heard this Pentagon song?” you ask, grabbing the aux cord. He makes a noise but doesn’t really confirm anything. You eye him a little strangely. “Oh wait you totally have. You must have heard me playing it by now. I’m obsessed with it,” you say, brushing off his lack of comment and starting the song, miming the keyboard intro on the dashboard.

“You sure are,” he says, a little under his breath. You sing along to the song you’ve basically memorized. Not caring that he’s eyeing you while at this red light. Nothing could embarrass you in front of him anymore.

“Ooooooh this is my favorite part!!” you squeal and stick your hand in the air, as if you have to silence him. One of Pentagon’s members sings some beautiful high note and you can’t help but gush.

“Oh my god I love how high his voice is. Don’t you live that part?” you ask, expecting some normal conversation from the usually cheerful man. He kind of side smiles and shrugs his shoulders, mouth pressed closed. Strange, seeing as he normally can’t go 20 seconds into a song without taking a harmony part. “That’s it? Do you not like Pentagon or something? I can change the song..” you say, shrugging and ready to brush it off.

“No, it’s fine. Pentagon’s fine. Besides, if you’re so obsessed with them then they’re probably good,” he comments, keeping his eyes purposefully away from your gaze. You pause, wondering if he’s beingvthis obvious on purpose. Is he being a troll or is he actually jealous? Honestly, it’s hard to tell.

“Don’t get jealous, Jiminie,” you purr, teasing him with your tone of voice. He rolls his eyes.

“I’m not jealous,” he says, trying to remain casual.

“Come on...” you say, trying to get him to look at you. He finally gives in and meets your eyes, immediately smiling a little and breaking his overtly casual facade. “You know that if I’m going to swoon over anyone’s high notes, they’ll be yours.”

It’s corny, but you know that little reassurances like those mean the world to him. He smiles and squeezes your hand.

“I know.”

Taehyung:

Your friend sent you a link to their song a few weeks ago and it had been on rotation for you since then. Pentagon dropped a banger and now you can’t stop listening to it. In fact, it was playing in the car as you drove with your friend.

“Are we picking up Tae from rehearsal before dropping me off?” she asks, turning up the volume a little as you turn the corner.

“Yup!” You head down the block and pull over, parking and reaching for your phone to text Tae. A minute later he comes out and hops in the back, scooting forward in the seat to kiss your cheek and say hi to your friend.

“You’re listening to this again?” he asks, immediately recognizing the song that seems to be on loop whenever you’re around recently.

“It’s a good song!” you justify, knowing he can’t argue.

“Plus Pentagon is so spicy,” your friend adds. “I mean I don’t know about you but all I can think about when I hear this is them doing the dance to it and Yuto’s fricken low voice and UGHHH,” she babbles, completely unfazed by how candid she’s being.

“Oh please,” Tae says, taking a condescending tone of voice with your friend. They’ve always had a natural banter that usually leaves you cackling. “Someone’s gotten a little idol crazy since I last saw her,” he chides.

“Idol crazy? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, V,” she says using his stage name. “Maybe Pentagon crazy, but if I didnt know any better I’d say you were making assumptions about me, hm?”

Tae laughs and fakes a stinging pain where his heart is, clasping a hand over his chest as if he’s been wounded by her clap back. Soon enough you’ve pulled up in front of her building and parked. He hops out of the car as you say goodbye to your friend and slides into the passenger seat next to you. Your friend leans down onto the edge of the rolled down window, ignoring Tae and looking at you.

“Y/N, you should date someone from Pentagon and give me an in with the rest of the members,” she says, smiling sweetly and biting back a laugh at Tae’s shocked and horrified face. He’s always one for dramatics. You laugh and wave as she backs up.

“She would never!” he calls to her, rolling the window up.

“I’ll think about it!” you yell, just before the window closes fully. You hear her muffled laugh as she walks towards her building. You pull away and head home, Tae’s hand over your leg. A few moments of comfortable silence pass before you ask him how rehearsal was. You aren’t expecting his response to be a follow up question.

“You wouldn’t really date someone else right?” It’s so out of nowhere and unexpected that you look at him, wondering if you should laugh. “I mean you wouldn’t break up with me to...to try and date-“ he fumbles.

“No.” He looks at you with that goofy face, his eyes wide and his lips parted a little. He can be so naive sometimes. He really doesn’t get how entirely in love with him you are. “I wouldn’t. You know that,” you say calmly, squeezing his hand in yours. He smiles and immediately calms, blushing a little as he realizing how irrational his moment of doubt just now was. His hand slips from yours to your phone, scrolling through your playlist, you assume. The song changes and you smile, immediately looking at him to shoot him your best “Are you serious?” face. He’s perfectly pleased with himself, looking straight ahead and attempting to keep his composure as the first few notes of Singularity play.

Jungkook:

“Kookie, look at this!” you say, tossing him your phone from where you’re layed out on the bed, head opposite from his where he’s leaning against the headboard. The two of you had been relaxing on his day off, chilling at home and watching movies. He takes your phone and watches the video you had queued up for him. It’s a video of Pentagon doing Shine but as an acoustic version. It’s fun and colorful and the members look like they’re having fun with each other. He watches and smiles here and there. He hands your phone back to you before it’s over and you furrow your brow a little. You sit up and scoot closer to him, showing him again.

“Wait, but watch this part! They’re having so much fun!” you hold the phone for him to see the part you’re talking about. He watches and nods before looking at his phone again. “That’s it?” you say, expecting more of a reaction from him, at least on how the video is shot so well.

“It’s good,” he says, clearly not getting it like you do.

“Would you and the guys ever do something like this? I bet ARMY would love it,” you comment.

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know,” he says, and you know he’s brushing it off.

“I just like how you can hear their voices so well. You can tell they’re super talented.” His interest seems peaked at that comment.

“Jagi, you can still edit a video that’s supposed to be acoustic, you know?” he says. You shoot him a suspicious look.

“I know!... and I don’t think I like your tone, Jungkook.” you say, sassing him right back. “I’m not saying you have to do it,” you begin, knowing how to peak his competitive interest. “Especially if you’re uncomfortable being that exposed.” He looks at you like you’ve accused him of treason. “You know, without all the mics and backup tracks and-“ you tease, getting cut of by him crawling over to you and poking your sides, making you laugh and squirm under him.

“Wait here,” he says, and gets up, leaving you flustered. He comes back a moment later and return with a guitar, the one Jin let him borrow to practice on. He pops back down on the bed and sets himself up, clearing his throat. “Get ready for the best acoustic version of War of Hormone you’ve ever heard,” he trolls, putting on a seductive face and strumming the guitar aggressively.

[gentlemanmendes]

Beauty Behind the Madness | 23|

Previous parts can be found in my masterlist under beauty behind the madness

  A/n lately I’ve been having really bad anxiety at night which is in result is the end of this chapter I apologise for my constantly angsty mood I think it has an affect on my writing lol

Warning not proof read 

23:

I placed a kiss on the top of Arleigh’s head causing her to let out a grumble as she walks away from me. I know she’s always hated PDA but I couldn’t help it, I finally had her back and I wanted everyone to see it. Everyone in this moment was the few people eating breakfast at the buffet. Ignoring Alreigh’s eye-roll I grab a stale croissant and make my way back to our table.

“What?” Arleigh  quizzed a sheepish smile making its way across her face as she stared at me waiting on an answer.

“Nothing I’m just happy.” I retort with a shrug as the memories of last night rush back to me. Arleigh’s flushed cheeks as she stared up at the roof. I had wondered what she had been thinking, if she had regretted it. We sat in silence for a long time me continuing to stare at Alreigh and although I knew she hated the fact that I wouldn’t stop grinning a her I fought sight of the small smile playing on her lips as she kept her attention completely on her bowl of cereal trying to hide it.

Last night, no matter how cliche it sounds, had been the best night of my life. To be able to physical connect with Alriegh in the  way that we emotionally connected felt stronger. It was reassuring, after all this time and everything that happened between us the passion had still be there, and maybe even grown stronger. Everything that has happened in the last few months between us had been a lesson, a lesson that had made me grow in ways I didn’t know were possible but I know that things are far from smooth sailing between Arleigh and I. The last thing I wanted to think about was what would happen when we got home. Our parents will no doubt be pissed, there is the issue of Layla, and the one I dread the most we still need to properly talk about everything that happened that night or more importantly where we now stand with one another.

I refuse to mention any of these things to Arleigh because I don’t want to face reality just yet and I get the feeling she doesn’t want to either. For a few moments we can just escape in the here and now pretending that all our problems are far out of reach.

“Are you nervous?” I ask Arleigh. Today we had only planned our day we hadn’t really gone into much detail, I couldn’t help but wonder what was running through Arleigh’s head right now. Was she scared? I know if the tables were turned I would be, if Mr Axle wasn’t telling her maybe there was a good reason behind it, regardless Arleigh deserved the right to know.

She gave a shrug letting out a sigh as the smile slowly disappeared from her face and for a moment it made me regret what I had asked, I never wanted to see that smile leave her face but it would of happened at some point today.

“I guess.” She paused for a moment frowning lightly to herself as she  it down on her lip as of trying to figure out what she would say. “I don’t really know how to explain it.” She sighed again as if trying to let all her trouble out.

“I understand.” And honestly I do, because that was how it felt as I walked the short distance across the park to see her on Thursday night. That seemed so long ago now but it was only three days ago.

“I’m so scared of what will happen but at the same time it will be a relief to finally put this all behind me . But then what if it’s bad and I just ruined everything and won’t be able to go on?”

“Life is like a train station, we always have a choice. You get on a platform and are left with two options, which ever one you choose will lead you to another destination but will also gift you with another decision of where to go next. What’s important is that you don’t dwell on what could have been because at that time that was you wanted to do with the your life. We are always changing our minds, can you imagine if we all thought the way we did ten years ago? Every situation is a lesson learned, if you go find out what happened to your mum I can bet you it will be heart breaking but at least you will find your relief. If you choose not to them at least something decent came out of this whole trip.” I winked at her at the end causing her to laugh again. She looked away as if trying to turn her attention else were to regain her composure before turning back to me, the ghost of a smile still playing on her lips. But her eyes are what caught my attention most. They weren’t as dark and lifeless as they had been a few months ago when she stepped into that classroom and we saw each other for the first time since that night. Now they were bright and full of life, the Alriegh I had always known, she seemed eager to do so much, take everything around her in to stare in the back of her mind for later.

“Since when were you so wise? Shawn Mendes the philosopher.” She exaggerated rolling her eyes causing me to laugh.

Sitting here at breakfast with her I was reminded again of all the reasons why I loved her. The past few months I had missed her but never once realised how good it would feel to have her back in my life. It was as if there had been a hole in me and a part of me was always slowly seeping out of it but Arleigh had just patched it up.

“Since when were you the type to open up about how you feel?” I shot back causing her to narrow her eyes at me skeptically as she mumbled a touché.

“Seems like we both learned a few lessons in these past couple of months.”

“Lessons I never want to learn again.” I breath out leaning back in my chair in relief, it felt like the hardest chapter I had ever undergone in my life was over. Does that mean the story is finally coming to an end? Which again brings me to what happens now with Arleigh and I?

We push ourselves up from the table and thank the waitress before we make our way out of the restaurant, past reception to the doors that led to the car park. As we move to the car to get in I hear someone loudly call my name causing my eyes to widen. It sounded a lot like my mother’s voice. Part of me wants to turn around and see if it really is her or if I’m imagining things but another part of me is positive she really is there and would rather turn and run away instead of facing her right now. I knew I would get into a lot of trouble for this but I thought it would at least be when I got home not before we even found out at we came here to do.

My mum keeps calling out to me and by the sound of her voice I can tell she’s getting closer. Realising that I can’t exactly run away from my mother because I would just be putting off the inevitable, I close the car door and turn around to face her. How the hell did she know where we were?  We made sure to be careful, we left our phones and credit cards at home so they wouldn’t be traced.

When my mum gets closer I brace myself for what is to come burI know that no matter how much warning I was given I would never be able to prepare myself to face my mum after what I did. I know it was wrong and selfish and I could have at least left a note but Arleigh needed me and most importantly she needed to make sure her dad never found out. If my parents new where we were they would have told Mr Axle straight away, not to be spiteful just because they would be worried for him and Arleigh.

“Mum I’m…” I attempted to apologies but am quickly cut off by my mum.

“Shawn, what were you thinking?” She shrieks causing me to wince back. I hated putting my parents through this, I hated playing the part of the troubled teen. My parents raised me better than that and I know that every time I do something as bad as this, which has only been a hand full of times, they blame themselves and question their parenting.

For a moment I see sympathy flash across my dads face as he hovers behind my mum but disappointment was quick to return.

“I can not believe you would do something so careless and stupid! Your father and I have never said no to you for anything why wouldn’t you tell us? Tell me what exactly is the meaning of all this shawn? ” she has stopped throwing her hands around and has now placed them on her hips as she looks up at me expectantly waiting for an answer. Although I’m much taller than my mum I can’t help but cower away under her gaze. I open my mouth to answer bug no words come out. What the hell was I supposed to say?

“Mrs Mendes it was me.” For a moment I fell confused having forgotten about Arleigh being here completely but as I watch my parents gaze drift from me to Arleigh, my mother’s expression softening rapidly; she’s always had a soft spot for Arleigh, I feel my body relax at her presence beside me knowing that I wasn’t alone. It was a relief to finally feel as if I finally had someone on my side, to stand by me no matter what, I had been drowning in a sea of loneliness for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like.

“Arleigh?” My mum questions as if surprised that the two of us are together, maybe seeing us side by side is only making it all the more real.

“Arleigh your father is worried sick about you.” My dad jumps in taking a step forward so instead of standing behind my mum he is now beside her.

“Is he,” Arleigh looks behind my parents hesitantly as if expecting her dad to pop out of nowhere. “Is he here?”

“No. We didn’t want him to find shawn alone with you.” my dad reassures her sending her a sympathetic look. I can only imagine just how crazy mr Axle must have gone once he found out that I had magically disappeared the same time as Arleigh had. I feel guilty the most for having put my parents through dealing with how Mr Axle must have reacted.

“Which brings us back to why you two left in the first place.” My mum says although she has seemed to calmed down now with Arleigh in the picture. As long as Arleigh is around I should be safe.  

I look over to Arleigh hesitantly as I part my mouth to make something up but she is too focused on the ground and I’m at a complete loss of words. I figure I will just say the first thing that comes to mind and not think it through but Arleigh decides to break her silence.

“I want to know what happened to my mum. ” she answers honestly never lifting her attention from the gravel road of the motel car park that she is focused so intently on.

I don’t know how to respond to that and by the looks on my parents faces they don’t know how to either. They seem completely shocked yet somehow like they had expected this. Sympathy was clear on both their faces and I know that is the reason why Arleigh refuses to meet their gazes. She hates when people feel sorry for her which is one of the reasons she never opens up to people. She wants to come off as this strong hard person when deep down she is soft and emotional. There is nothing wrong with that and I can’t bring myself to understand why she feels the need to display such a hard front and I probably never will. I don’t know why she pretends to be someone she’s not.

“Arleigh this isn’t the right way to find out.” My mum signs causing me to object bug she sends me a warning look. “Shawn don’t you dare start.” She tells me but by the look in her eye I can tell that there is something she isn’t telling me. She is practically pleading me with her eyes not to object and although I want to fight her on this I can’t help but give in. I let out a sigh of dismay but I bid my head in response. My mum moves towards Arleigh and wraps her arm around her.

“Quick question, how did you find us?” I ask the question that is eating at me. We were sure to be as careful as possible and yet they still found us. My mum sends me a knowing look before shaking her head in response.

“Your number plate Shawn. When we woke to your car missing and you weren’t in bed and then a frantic Neighbour we tried calling you but soon figured you didn’t have your phone so we called up the toll company and they managed to tell us what the last toll you payed was and from there it wasn’t hard.” My dad explains astonishing me. I didn’t even think of something as simple as my number plate being traced. “We have been in this world a lot longer than you have.” He adds as of reading my thoughts

“Let’s get the two of you home.” My mum says gesturing towards her car though I will be driving my car with Arleigh home.

“Can I just go see my mum before we leave?” Arleigh asks lifting her gaze from the ground for the first time since we were confronted by my parents. I want to scream out to her to fight for her cause but when I look at her she seems tired, as if she has been fighting this war her whole life and now she was batter and bruised waving a shut flag to surrender and give it all up.

That is why I want to tell her to keep fighting. Arleigh is a fighter, for as long as I’ve known her she has been, which doesn’t make sense. Why is she willing to give up so easily right now? It doesn’t make sense, she is so close now.

My mum nods her head in understanding as she moves towards my dad who has gestured for her to move towards him.

“Why don’t you two go alone and we can meet up and have some lunch before we head home.” My dad suggestions causing Arleigh and I to nod in response but my mum seems a little hesitant but with one knowing look from my dad she gives in.  

“Here is your phone, we gave you one for a reason.” My mum glowers as she pulls out my phone from her bag and hands it to me causing me to smile to myself as I make my way to my car.

Just as I’m about to get into my car my mum calls out to me causing me to stop and look at her.  

“You’re grounded!” She says before turning around and walking away.

***

I hadn’t said anything to Arleigh on the way to the cemetery and had kept my mouth shut the whole time we were there. I had made to wonder off but instead Arleigh had gripped onto my arm and asked me to stay with her which I agreed to as she parted from my side to place the white lillies on the top of the grave and removing the stem of the previous laid flowers that were now wilted. The only time I had spoken was when Arleigh had just stood in silence staring at the grave.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” I wondered a little surprised. I didn’t really know anyone who had died so I hadn’t experienced going to a cemetery and wasn’t aware of what was supposed to happen but I had figured people usually say something.

“Shawn it’s just a decomposed body in a box a few feet underground, why would I say something?” She had sighed causing my grist to feel dry. I should have just kept my mouth shut because I didn’t know what to say back to that. “Some people find comfort in talking to the grave but I don’t. My mum is gone and I can’t change that. I don’t know what happens after but maybe their is a possibility that she already knows everything I want to say to her or maybe she is complete nothing now and forever gone to me. The point is nothing I say will make a difference.” She continues.

I decide to remain quite letting Arleigh pay her respects. The feeling that took over me was complete unease and I can’t help but wonder if that was the reason why I had remained so quite. There was no way to explain it but the fact that realisation hit me that every simple and stupid thing we worry about will one day mean nothing and that there are more important things like making sure the people we love know that we love them.

“It scares me too you know,” Arleigh says breaking the silence that had settled between us the last few hours. My mum had texted me the name of the restaurant she and my dad would be meeting us at. I look over to Arleigh for a breif second confused but she is still staring out at the road in front of us.  "Dying, it scares me as well, I’m pretty sure it scares everyone.“ Arleigh continued I opened my mouth wanting to ask her how she knew what I was thinking about by decided against it. Was I that predictable? With Arleigh it always seemed I was, she was like a mind reader b

"It just sucks that we have no control over it.” I admit instead of denying the fact. What was the point. I realised in that moment that I was sick of fighting everything, what was the point if you never even won?

“That’s life shawn.” She sighs in agreement before chuckling lightly to herself. “God, today was so morbid and it’s only two pm.”

“Why didn’t you fight it? Why didn’t you fight my mum on it? Arleigh you  deserve to know what happened.” I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I needed to say something.

“Shawn I don’t want to fight with your mum, she’s always been so kind to me. Besides I realised something.” She pauses.“ I realised that things between my dad won’t get better if I don’t try and I never try because I cower away. I’m going to force it out of him whether he likes it or not. Shawn we are eighteen years old and had to sneak out the window? It’s time he starts treating me like an adult otherwise by the end of this school year I don’t think there will be a chance for us to fix our relationship.” Although I know she is talking about her relationship with her dad I ant help but think that last part was aimed at me. I have from now till graduation to fix things with me and Arleigh and I have no idea on how to go about it. We can’t go on pretending that things are okay, everything between us is a mess of bruised emotions that we can’t get over and lost memories that we seem to be living in to escape the reality of things.

[nane-anime-art]

Long rant about my dad . Maybe just enjoy the image and keep scrolling lol 

Honestly, it’s a long rant. IDK why you clicked the read more link. But here we are I guess.

It’s complicated. Growing up, I was daddy’s little girl. Always have been, and I guess I made the assumption I always would be. When I was a child, we played video games together, we went to basketball games, we watched kids cartoons together, and we hung out a lot. I remember when he first bought the Xbox. He told me I couldn’t watch him play Halo because it was violent, but he let me hang out with him while he played anyways so long I was quiet. Over time, he let me play Halo too, and by high school, I was kicking his ass at Halo, and was better than every other Halo player in my school. By college, I was making him proud by being a student with a 3.95 GPA, perusing 3 studies, while working 2-3 jobs. By graduation, I was the laziest snowflake millennial he had ever met, and I never appreciated anything he had ever done for him, and I was in financial cahoots with his bitch of an ex-wife, and the only reason I didn’t have a job was because I was hadn’t been applying and was going on some elaborate vacation.

He made assumptions, and none of it was true (except for the fact I’m a liberal millennial). My graduation gift from him was $50, getting that speech, and getting kicked out of the house. He then proceeded to hand me my car insurance bill as well as the cat we’ve had since I was six, and told me to find her a home (I drove her 7 hours to my mother’s house). I understand I’m an adult at this point, and have a level or responsibility. But the sentiment was not at all what I, or anyone that knew us while I was growing up, would have expected. He also didn’t need to kick out the cat - she’s done nothing wrong. Neither have I.

My parents divorced two years ago – as an only child, it was tough. But as an adult child, I understood both sides. My mom really had been upset. My dad didn’t treat her with respect. The divorce wasn’t a surprise – my mom had been talking to me about it for about 5 years before. She probably shouldn’t have done that, but I don’t really think it matters either way because I think I realized they would get a divorce at some point maybe a couple years even before my mom started talking about it. They fought all the time. They jumped to conclusions. They didn’t listen to each other, and instead they just fought. They were both at fault.

I was the center of their worlds. They treated each other like crap, and disagreed a lot. The only exception was me. I was the only thing they agreed on. Consistently. Pros – they didn’t fight over me. Cons- I heard everything in stereo. I was close with both of them. I had a great relationship with my mother, and a great relationship with my father. They never treated me with the same disrespect they treated each other with.  

The divorce was messy – I knew it would be. 8 months of lawyers fighting. They went to court twice. Twice. That’s not how that should work. But they fought so much both their lawyers got tired of them and let them go to court a second time.

Of course, when you pay two lawyers for 8 months, it’s expensive as hell. Also, when you take an entire person’s income out of the picture, you’re gonna be left with a lot less money. Mom says she got cheated financially with the divorce. Dad says he got cheated financially with the divorce. Both parents think the other bugged their car/house/etc. I’m not sure what’s true and what’s not. Their relationship - their divorce is none of my business beyond the fact they’re both in mourning of some sort. I tried to be there for them equally.

Of course, with less money, that meant less college funds for me. My dad didn’t feel like he could afford it, so I kept working the job I hated, worked more at my second job, and even started working a 3rd job. I went from paying 50% of my college tuition to 75% to 80% at a private school my parents had pushed. No one works 3 jobs while in college for fun. It didn’t cover what my dad felt like he needed, but it was the best I could do. I would have died if I had gotten a 4th job.

I kept a straight face and my mouth shut while I listened to my dad vent, and say horrible things about my mom, and then follow it up with a simple “oh sorry. I probably shouldn’t say that about your mother” and a smirk like that fixed anything (my mom did the same thing too – it wasn’t just him).

I didn’t say anything when the collection of bottles in the cabinet kept growing.

When my dad got drunk off his ass one night, I drove to the bar to pick him up and drive him home, but he demanded we go to StarWars instead. I babysat him at the movies, until he passed out the second the trailers started, and then snored the whole movie. That was my Christmas weekend.

When he forgot about Christmas, I told him it was fine, and gave him my gift anyways.

He stopped grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. I tried to cover, but he never noticed.

When he started dating again, I gave him dating advice.

When he told me to not tell my mom he started dating again, I agreed (ironically that same day my mom asked me for the same favor)

After his first breakup with a girlfriend, I canceled my plans with my mom and hung out with him while he stared off in space for a few hours and refused to acknowledge my existence.

I canceled plans with my mother to hang out with him when he asked.

I canceled plans with my boyfriend to hang out with him – my dad was in grieving, what else was I supposed to do?

I made sure to not voice my thoughts regarding the divorce, because he would have thought I had taken a side in the matter – which I never did. I never grieved the divorce because I was focused on helping my parents grieve.

I didn’t complain about the job I hated that brought back thoughts I hadn’t had in over a year. I didn’t want him to feel like I was trying to get out of paying my college bills.

When my dad started dating a second time, I was supportive of his relationship – even though he couldn’t stop saying mean things about my boyfriend of 5 years. He had no respect for a person in my life that is clearly important to me.

After he started dating, I got to hang out with him about 5 times one-on-one in the course of 2 years. But it was fine because his girlfriend made him happier (even though their relationship was emotionally abusive – but not as bad as my parent’s marriage had been). She went everywhere with us, even though my boyfriend was never invited.

He started yelling at me more, and treating me with the same disrespect he had shown my mother.

We celebrated the month of my dad’s birthday and then celebrated the month of his girlfriend’s birthday. But on my birthday my dad was busy (with a date with his girlfriend) and couldn’t hang out with me. So we had sushi the day before my birthday, where he admitted he had entirely forgotten about my birthday

The day after my birthday, I got home and found out my dad’s girlfriend broke up with him on my birthday because he “hung out too much” with me, and that I was a “heathen”. My dad took my side and packed up her stuff in the house for her to take. I got to hang out with him for a whole week. I canceled plans with my friends to spend time with him because I hadn’t hung out with him in what seemed like forever. I kept an eye on the liquor cabinet, but he yelled at me less, and joked more. I finally thought he would start acting like he used to… like my dad!.... Until him and his ex got back together….

And now we’re here.

It’s hard because one of my biggest motivators doesn’t care. He does. But he doesn’t. It’s hard. He seems upset too. I know he’s just jumped to conclusions that are incorrect, so I don’t take his words too closely, but I do understand that he’s mad at me and disappointed with me whether his reasons are valid or not.

I have other supporters, who’s support I really do appreciate, and they’re support helps a lot! I will get a job, a good one, and things will get better, but it’s hard. I think I want to have a good relationship with my father. But I don’t trust him, and I don’t think I ever will again.

This picture is from a trip we took in high school to visit his parents. We went kayaking, and it was a great memory. I don’t want to hate my dad, but I think I do right now. I’m not sure how I feel. It’s complicated. And I’m not sure if I want to have a good relationship with him in the future, or if I just want to cut his toxicity out of my life.

This post was long, and I really hope no one actually read it. But I needed to vent, and this is the only way I know how to do that.

[canaryatlaw]

okay, well today was fine. I woke up kind of distracted from a few earlier phone calls but was okay. I was up in court for a final court date for one of my Spanish speaking clients, which is always kinda funny when we're put in the breakout room together before we're up in court and we just like, wave to each other generally haha. the court was having some major tech issues today, so when we did get pulled into the courtroom, between me, the client, the interpreter, and the judge there was a lot going on, and the judge kept cutting out and even dropped off a few times, which was a first for me when a host actually dropped the call haha. I had drafted the order we were entering and sent it in but they couldn't access the email, so the judge was just like screw it, we'll just write it out ourselves haha so we solved that problem at least and I'm satisfied with the case. I really hope they're able to serve the guy so the order can be enforced (I'll leave it at the allegations being very disturbing). so after that I was doing random stuff for a bit and submitted an emergency case from yesterday, but ended up writing a quick emergency motion for my case that was supposed to be up on Friday but wasn't, and I couldn't get any answers from the clerk's office about what the heck was going on so my boss was just like fuck it just write a motion. We have to e-file these things, but since their system was having issues it took a while to get approved, then it was just a waiting game. My EOP case did get called and it was granted with no issues, but it was one of the criminal judges who hardcore hates the forms my org uses (they're the statewide approved ones, we've been using them for over a year and the county was supposed to start using them too, but up to this point hasn't) and it's been like every case we have with her she has to comment about them, and I'm generally able to play it off as a joke and she ends up slightly amused so it doesn't really bug me too much. After that I was just waiting for my motion, when I got a call from "Courthouse," and whenever someone anywhere in the courthouse makes an outgoing call it comes in as the same number, so I was expecting it to be the clerk's telling me my motion was being sent up, and I'm very friendly with the clerks and generally just answer "hi courthouse" and so I did, only to be told "No it's Judge ___, I'm not that big" and it was the fucking chief judge in charge of the entire court and omg I was just straight up mortified. He's always been fairly nice to me personally (I always try to go out of my way a bit to be friendly with the judges, and it's worked quite well with most of them, it's definitely something I picked up from my dad when he'd been practicing law for 40 years and every judge absolutely loved him), but can be a real dick on the bench, so for a minute I was concerned he was going to chew me out over the motion, but he ended up calling it a "piece of artwork" and saying I didn't really need to have filed it, I could have just contacted them to sort it out, apparently missing the part in the motion where I specified I had made multiple attempts to contact the clerk's office over the past few days and was only writing it as a last resort, but he went on to do exactly what I had wanted done, so that was a relief and a bit of an odd victory but I'll take it just the same, the whole thing was just super awkward and I was glad when it was over, haha. The rest of the day wasn't very exciting, and I headed out to PT around 4:45 for my 5:15 appointment. It was really nice out today, so we started with an outside walk, and ended up walking around the block like 2 1/2 times and I didn't have any issues, so that is very good. It's definitely getting to a point where it's a lot more manageable, which is such a relief, because I really didn't know how long this was going to last. Headed home from there, there was an amusing moment where we pulled to the side for an ambulance with sirens on to get through going in the other direction, and then like 30 seconds later there was a

police vehicle (not a cop car, but with blue lights in the front) with its sirens on going in the opposite direction, which I thought was pretty amusing really. Got home and made some dinner, then off to small group. we did quick highs and lows (mostly lows, but several of us, me included, felt like we didn't really have a low, so that's a win for sure). We were having a social night though, so we ended up playing quiplash from the jackbox games set that I've played many times with my friends. I was getting a solid 50/50 with my answers, either they were totally loved and got all the points or they ended up completely ignored with no points, lol, but it was overall still fun. Once we ended I started Chicago Fire from the beginning, only recalling it was the season finale until we were well into the episode, and then of course they ended on a cliffhanger (though let's be real, they're not going to kill off like, half of the cast). I then watched Chicago Med (another season finale, also very dramatic) and then flipped to the news and Jimmy Kimmel. I ended up watching a little later than usual because I was waiting for my roommate to finish showering. Once she was done I showered and started getting ready for bed, and now of course it's almost 2 am and I am quite tired, so I'll end this here. Goodnight babes. Love you lots.

[halli-in-thailand]

“You have to accept whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

I look out the door of my classroom and all I see is green. The mountain across from the school is covered in dark green forest, and the school driveway is canopied by different types of trees with different shades of green. The school yard where the students play soccer and tag is entirely grassy and the sides of the road are covered with tall grasses. There are so many different types of wildflowers growing in the brush here. This color is what shocks me every day about my new home. I am blown away by the beauty that comes from the health of the earth and regular watering of the ground from the sky. The province brags 8 months of rain and 4 months of sun, but it has rained every day save 2-3 days since I arrived here 2 months ago. I guess I live in the rainforest now. I don’t know what I expected from my site placement, but it certainly wasn’t this.

I live in a village among finger rivers (khlongs) that lead to the sea; 15 minutes by boat, 20 minutes by car, 2 hours by bike. The water is clear and fresh and lovely for swimming. Many people have boats in their front yard and have explained that if the village floods they can use the boats to travel around. (Also, this hasn’t happened for many many years.) When it rains for more than a couple of hours there are little rivers everywhere. Both sides of my house have small creeks, and there is a rather large river in front of my house in a large ditch. Apparently, when it rains for weeks in the rainy season, this river gets big enough to overtake the ditch, but my landlady assures me its fine because it never comes in the house and I can have a lot of fun playing in it. LOL

A couple of weeks ago, before moving into my house, Yaa, who is my counterpart, my main go-to and my biggest support in the village, had been telling me how shocked my landlady was that I was spending the first night alone. She wasn’t the only one. My host family and some teachers at the school were so concerned that they tried to convince me not to move into the house because it was “dangerous”. Upon further investigation, any house would have been dangerous because the danger was living alone and not next door to them. I reassured everyone, “Mai dtong bpen huang” You don’t have to be worried. “Di chan kenreng mak maaak.” I am very strong. And I tried to prove my strength by cooking for myself, exercising, and generally just taking good care of my health and my affairs. I reminded everyone that I moved to another country by myself. I’m not going to say I overestimated my strength, but I think I mentally prepared for the wrong types of challenges.

Immediately after moving in I was feeling so full from pride and independence. I did it! I got my own house, and I’m finally living in it! And its big and beautiful! I can finally cook whatever I want and do whatever I want when I want without worrying about how it looks to others or if I’m in someone’s way or doing anything offensive.

I couldn’t get my mosquito net up, so I decided to just sleep without it for one night. Some small flying bugs were cramping my style, but I was going to handle it. And then I heard a big sound, like something squeezing under my door. I was paralyzed. I turned my light on my phone on and watched a giant cockroach pop out from under my door and proceed to climb up my wardrobe and all over everything on my desk and then it disappeared. I’m totally frozen, my bug spray is in the kitchen, and my rational mind is completely gone. I can’t leave my bed. So naturally I called my Mom. It was morning in the states and time for her be awake.

“You have to kill it. You won’t sleep unless you kill it.” My dad was alternating between making jokes and showing compassion in the background.

She was right of course. It scurried around my room again and disappeared behind my wardrobe. After several minutes of explaining how I couldn’t do it and trying to figure out how it was possible that I was that terrified, the critter disappeared again. I decided to grab my weapon in the moment of opportunity. I stayed on the phone with my parents as I left my room with my flashlight and turned all the lights on in my path. About two steps into the hallway I spotted a large spider and froze again, of course..... it couldn’t have just been isolated. “You’ll have to kill that one, too. Just go get the spray.” said my mom. Two more steps..... a spider about 3 times the size of the other one on the wall. I couldn’t even stop this time. I needed to be armed for this confrontation. I grabbed the spray and crept back to the first spider. I just have to do it. Spray it with as much as you can until you can see it is debilitated and then make sure it dies. I started with the small guy. He walked around for a while but he died. Now I knew it would work. I went for the biggest spider I’ve ever seen. It was higher than my head on the wall. At first contact, it leaped from the wall to the floor and I lost sight for a few seconds. Totally terrified I started spraying at the ground wildly. It emerged from the cloud in a hurry and raced toward the hallway before slowing down and eventually biting the dust. I returned to my room to tackle the original beast. I waited for its reappearance and shed a few tears at the defeat of my pride.

I killed all the bugs in my space that night. In the morning I found 5 cockroaches in my room and 8 spiders larger than a quarter.

I had the first real moment where I contemplated if I could do this. I told myself that if it stayed the same than I could not. I cannot face multiple spiders up to 6 inches every day. I felt violated and hopeless.

In the following days those thoughts evolved. “How did you let yourself consider leaving over bugs. Seriously... that’s pathetic. Maybe you aren’t cut out for this.”

Its amazing how we react to things that we don’t expect whether it be giant spiders, emotions, or events.

In hindsight, even though I had a bit of an emotional time of it, this was my first night living in my new house and I didn’t have anywhere to go to get away or anyone close by to share this fear or conquering. I was alone. For the first time. And I faced the fears, and then I rigged the mosquito net up and went to bed. I started immediately thinking about how to change my perspective and reached out for help from other volunteers. I sought a shared experience. I did what my soul was asking for. I honored myself even though I felt silly and stupid. I’ve even stopped feeling stupid after a week of small encounters and 3 cans of bug spray. I’ve treated my house and asked my landlord to set traps for the mouse that lives in my kitchen and seal the cracks in the walls. She did those things. I sweep every day and am not afraid of going under the furniture or walking along the sides of my house. I’m doing all of the things that terrified me to the point of considering running away a week ago. I handled the fear and placed it where it belonged and found courage through support and proactive measures.

My Grammy moved her 3 children to Japan for three years. Papa was in the Air Force, so when his duty called, so did hers and she made a home anywhere in the world for her family. When they arrived in Japan, their house wasn’t ready, so they lived in a motel for a little while. The kitchen was fulll of cockroaches and essentially unusable. Grammy June put tape over the kitchen and took the kids out for meals, giving them the illusion of semi-normalcy.

I started this post with an Eleanor Roosevelt quote. “You have to accept whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give.” This week I learned this quote isn’t always about your immediate response. You can’t always help how you feel about things at first, but you can be intentional about your response. You can do what you can to take control or make things better, but at some point you have to accept what is.

I live in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I am learning how to live alone in the best possible circumstances because I am surrounded by amazing supportive people in my community and have a network of empathy in Peace Corps volunteers. I have kept my house so clean that everyone who comes to visit comments on the cleanliness. I cook dinner for myself and whoever is visiting each night. I see green everywhere I look and buy fresh food at the market grown by the people I know and love. My weekend escapes are to islands and towns that people save up for years to visit. The downsides are small sloping hills compared to the mountains of things that make me feel graciousness for this life every day. Its not perfect and neither am I, but I’m doing my best. And I’m incredibly lucky to be right where I am right now.