chipmunkweirdo

[chipmunkweirdo]

Simon spent 10 hours working with me on finishing this today. He now gets a full day off to relax and do whatever he chooses.

Jeanette has also poured her literal tears into her section. Literally. I had to wipe the tears off my phone screen as we were writing. She hopes you enjoy this.

There’s a lot of good Alvinette and Brimon in this chapter and the plot is getting so MESSY!

Act three continues to be the toughest to write, so updates may become slower. Bear with us.

[chipmunkweirdo]

New video! Part one of the mini Hobbit bedroom, as promised!

[chipmunkweirdo]

Update: Jeanette has completed her section of chapter 18.

Simon’s going next.

It’s looking like 19 will be Brittany, Theo, and Eleanor all squeezed into one chapter. Might be the longest chapter yet.

As for 20. You are NOT prepared for 20!

[chipmunkweirdo]

Another personal post because I feel like I need to dump my thoughts somewhere to help analyze them better.

I’ve been trying to think about other ways fanfiction is important to me to understand why I fixate so heavily on it.

I’m crushed that I just can’t seem to stick to the “a little at a time” story building for long, which makes writing every day impossible as heck. Once I am in the zone, I am in it for good and nothing can shake me out of it. This leads to me writing an ungodly amount with the chippies in a short time and needing to recover.

But recovering is heck, and after 3-4 days, I feel the NEED to write again.

I think writing is not only essential to my emotional regulation, but also to my ability to understand how emotions feel, work, present, and how to understand different viewpoints outside my own. If I go too long without writing, I suddenly notice I default to making everything revolve around me and my wants and I find it substantially harder to connect with anyone, harder to read facial cues, harder to even properly emote unless emoting by impulse.

Can any other Autistic, ADHD, or both people relate to this experience? And offer any ideas of how to counteract this and remember to not only check in with my own thoughts and emotions but my friends, families, and the Chipmunks and Chipettes too? (The Chippies store up a lot of the emotions before the body is through processing them, I think. Autistic emotional processing for me is incredibly slow, while my ADHD emotional processing is super fast and LOUD)

Writing not only generates dopamine, it helps me toggle on and off all the different aspects of The Chipmunks, Chipettes and I at will. It helps me understand things that I would typically miss because instead of getting trapped in mono-tropism and all of nothing thinking, I find myself able to slide my intensity from 0 to 10 on a scale easier. I have better empathy, more depth, more nuance, an easier time identifying sarcasm and picking up other people’s subtle emotional cues.

And that’s why I feel so….empty and lonely when I don’t have time to write, or I get time but I’m too low on energy and I recognize my brain can’t handle writing at that time. I have to take care of my brain and body and sometimes that means not writing, but what else can I use to help me maintain my understanding of other people and my ability to form friendships and keep them?

[chipmunkweirdo]

Having trouble finding time and motivation and ideas for how to make all the events we’re planning fit into chapter 18.

Please enjoy this sneak peek of some dialogue while you wait.

JEANETTE: You’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you.

ALVIN 2.0: Oh no. What is it?

JEANETTE: Remember how you had to learn to embrace your Alvin-ness and work with it instead of against it?

ALVIN 2.0: Yeah.

JEANETTE: Now, comes an even more difficult step in the healing process.

ALVIN 2.0: Which is?

JEANETTE: You have to embrace your Simon-ness.

ALVIN 2.0: …..WHAT!?

JEANETTE: I know, it sounds scary, but it’s going to help in the long run. What I mean by that is, you have to accept that people will be very likely to compare you to Simon the rest of your life. Instead of getting upset or lashing out, I want you to embrace it. Tell them you aren’t exactly like Simon, but also be PROUD of the ways you’ve grown more like him. Tell them that you’re proud. Let it roll off your shoulders and maybe….eventually….the teasing will stop. Or…it will stop bothering you.

ALVIN 2.0: URGH…..I hate that I have to do this, but you’re right. This….This is gonna take a LOT of work.

JEANETTE: You can do it! I believe in you!

[chipmunkweirdo]

Speaking Sherlock Holmes adaptations

ARE WE JUST NEVER GONNA ACKNOWLEDGE THE ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS VERSION OF SHERLOCK HOLMES??? 😭

[chipmunkweirdo]

“The clock is WORKING! I finally got a chance to add the hands today.”

“I love it so much! My beautiful accidentally backwards tree of life clock.”

“With crayons for hands! It’s overflowing with creativity!”

[chipmunkweirdo]

Alvinette art drawn by @fishfinz

It was inspired by the song Levitating by Dua Lipa.

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! THE OUTFITS ARE SO SHINY!!!

[chipmunkweirdo]

Alvin and I had another terrifyingly numb day at work yesterday. Courtesy of the ADHD meds that really don’t agree with my chemistry.

Anyway, I was watching Alvinnn before work when the Vyvanse kicked in. Hoped it would help the meds have less side effects. (because maybe the numbness and empty head were a placebo)

They were not. But I did end up with just the ONE song from the episode in my head all day. Coincidentally the name of the song was “I’m Bored Out Of My Mind.”

Also, mom has told me she prefers the usual me to the medicated me. She also mentioned that although monotone lifeless voice me is spooky, monotone lifeless quiet Alvin voice is downright disturbing.

Anyway, we finished our work so quickly yesterday that we had time left over to either sit blankly in a chair or doodle. We chose to doodle. It was really weird to watch my hand draw Jeanette without me or Alvin even consciously choosing what to draw. My mind was blankity blank, but my muscle memory was like DRAW JEANETTE!

Long story short. Plurality, Anxiety, OCD, Autism and ADHD meds are a weeeird combo.

[chipmunkweirdo]

“Sharing all my little doodles with you guys!”

“Doodling helps me listen and I gotta use it MORE!”

[chipmunkweirdo]

“Check out my summer fit.”

[chipmunkweirdo]

And this dude wanted in the fashion show too. Say hello to Alvin 2.0! Mom used to work at The Shopper and gave us her jacket!

ALSO, LOOK AT THIS SHIRT! IT’S PERFECT!!! I need to get them in more colors!

(And you get a pic of the giant floofy tail I/we wear at home. I wish I could wear it in public, but I get that wouldn’t be appropriate.)

[chipmunkweirdo]

Mom humored us with taking pictures of our little fashion show as we rock some new and old outfits.

Side note: Brittany needs some T-shirts. Eleanor could use more too, but Brittany has 0! Only tank tops and sweaters and cardigans!

[chipmunkweirdo]

thinking of that one aatc episode where alvin gets freaked out by a bird swooping him and dave calling him overdramatic...SIR YOUR SON IS A PREY ANIMAL. HE IS BIRD FOOD. A HAWK CAN EASILY TAKE HIM AWAY!

[chipmunkweirdo]

writing is like group therapy except you're every person in the room and no one brought snacks

[chipmunkweirdo]

Me, My Life & Why Part 2

Short stories from the edge of executive dysfunction

At precisely 10:03am, I sat across from a man who’s never once been late, wrong, or interesting.

“This is just a conversation,” he said, smiling the way dentists do before a root canal. “Not a critique. Just feedback. A check-in.”

I braced myself.

The office-safe way of telling someone they’re too much is by using phrases like “scattered energy,” “inconsistent output,” and “doesn’t always follow through.”

And I got all three.

He started with a compliment. They always do.

“You’re very creative.”

Which means: We like your ideas but wish you’d stop having so many.

“You bring a unique energy.”

Which means: You make meetings weird.

“We just need to harness it a little more productively.”

Which means: Please act more like the others. It’s making the spreadsheet people nervous.

He kept talking. I drifted.

Not intentionally, it just happened. He was saying something about synergy and deliverables, and my brain said, “Cool, we’re out,” and mentally walked into a forest.

I looked at the potted plant in the corner of the room and thought about whether I’d watered mine this week. Then I remembered I don’t own a plant anymore because the last one died of neglect and I still feel guilty about it.

“Are you with me?”

Oh. Shit.

“Yes,” I said, confidently. “Absolutely.”

He nodded, clearly unconvinced. I probably blinked wrong.

Then came the dreaded suggestion.

“Have you tried using a planner?”

Sir.

I have tried using a planner, an app, a timer, a bullet journal, a visual schedule, a Pomodoro cube, a habit tracker, a dry-erase wall grid, a set of pastel highlighters that made me believe, briefly, that I could fix myself with colour coding. I have planned my way into paralysis.

But I smiled and said, “Yeah, I’ll give that a go.”

Because that’s what women like me do. We smile. We agree. We suppress the quiet fire that’s constantly burning under our ribs.

I don’t remember the rest of the meeting. I left with a printout called “Optimising Your Workflow” and a new ache in my jaw from clenching.

By the time I got back to my desk, my inbox was already full of polite panic.

“Just checking in!”

“Do you have that deck ready?”

“Any updates? No rush, just checking :)”

No rush. Just checking. My two least favourite lies.

I wanted to scream. Or disappear. Or throw my laptop into a canal and live as a mildly feral barista in a coastal village where no one has email.

Instead, I opened a Word doc and wrote:

Performance Review (My Version):

I remember everyone’s coffee order but not my login.

I can deep-dive a project for six hours or forget it exists.

I am not inconsistent. I am cyclical.

I work best under pressure, but I die there too.

I am not lazy. I’m just tired of pretending I’m not lost.

I didn’t send it. Obviously.

I’m not unhinged.

Just unravelled.

Later that night, I microwaved half a burrito and stared at the wall. I replayed his words in my head, “Just needs more structure.”

Like I hadn’t tried to staple structure to my soul for the last decade.

I don’t need a planner. I need a life that works like I do.

And maybe I’m done being “reviewed” by people who’ve never had to duct-tape their brain into place just to show up.

So no. I didn’t reply to the follow-up email.

I closed my laptop.

I finished my burrito.

And I added a new line to the doc:

May be spiralling. But at least I’m doing it on purpose.

Enjoy this story?

Come read the full 25-part collection over on Vocal Media - it’s free!

[chipmunkweirdo]

Theo, Alvin, and I did watch the pilot episode of Fetch today and it feels nice to nurture my inner child before being flung back into the adult life of work tomorrow.

Today’s been incredibly stressful and we needed the 30 minute break. Why can’t my breaks be longer than 30 minutes? Siiigh.

“I’m in the mood to start re-watching Fetch With Ruff Ruffman!”

“I miss that show and I wanna re-learn a bunch of cool stuff I forgot!”