#but also i do love a zombie story so (shrug emoji)

[equalseleventhirds]

what up besties sorry i haven't been online much but would u like to read the piece i wrote for my final for creative writing? it's metaporically about being trans n neurodivergent n disabled n ppl loving an idea of you more than you, but also it is about a zombie who comes back, not wrong, but not quite what anyone wanted..

(cw for death, electrocution, being buried (not quite alive), and complicated feelings about gender & name but that journey not being completed yet.)

- - -

Grave News

Amelia Marquez, 34, passed away in a tragic accident…

            Later, when anyone learns she woke up already buried, she can see the horror movie assumptions playing out behind their eyes. The thought of waking up, trapped in a tiny, dark, airless space, scrabbling at the walls, gasping for breath, the weight of the earth above pressing down, down, down…

            She smiles and accepts their pity, their horrified dismay, and does not tell them about lying awake, perfectly motionless, trying to figure out how to move. About how easy it is not to struggle for breath when pulling air into your lungs takes conscious effort. About pushing at different groups of muscles, her body twitching and twisting in the dark, until she works out forward, works out force, works out the flex of her hand as it pushes through velvet, then oak, then dirt, then dirt, then dirt.

            Amelia claws her way out of her own grave, not frantic, not berserk, but deliberate. Gradual. Almost mechanical, as she practices moving by repeating the same thing again and again, her patient hands working their way through wood, through earth, to the surface.

            (It isn't until later, standing in her parents' doorway and listening to the screams, that she realizes what ceaseless digging does to the human hand. She realizes that she somehow did not feel the pain as she dug. She realizes she needs to buy gloves.)

…the home she shared with her fiancé…

            Cole had been so certain about his repairs. Fifty bucks at Home Depot and a couple of days of work, and Amelia’s concerns brushed aside.

            “I’ve got this, Ames. Way better than hiring a contractor.” And she had agreed, had let him do it himself, had made dinner for a week while he spent his evenings messing with wires and fuses, assuring her that he was nearly done, that the video on YouTube made it so easy.

            Cole hadn’t been home when the lights went out, when Amelia went to the fuse box and tried to flip everything back on. When the jumble of wires in their walls shorted and flared and spread electricity through her body.

            When it killed her.

            Once her parents call, Cole drops everything to rush over. He falls to his knees in front of her, staring up into her face through a haze of tears and hope and shock.

            “You’re back. Ames, Amy, you’re back, how…”

            She stares down at her lap, making sure her hands are covered by the blanket her mother had nestled around her.

…a beautiful light in our lives, extinguished too soon. Her friends and family…

            Her memorial photo, the black clothes, the incense on the table, are all gone the morning after she comes back, packed away in boxes or thrown out in opaque garbage bags. Hands hesitate before touching her. They keep her at home, talking about rest, about recuperating.

            “Since you’ve been…” She sees the glances, the mouthed no, don’t say it. “…in your condition. It’s important to rest up.”

            It’s as though they think one wrong move, one wrong word, will kill her again.

            She wonders a little bit if they’re right.

            Her mother is the gentlest she’s ever been brushing Amelia’s hair, her hands careful, her voice filling the air. “And I unpacked some of your nice clothes,” she says, working through a tangle. “You don’t have to wear sweatpants anymore, I found your skirts…”

            Amelia looks down at her loose, comfortable clothes, the t-shirt worn and soft against her skin. She thinks about struggling with buttons on a nice blouse, thinks about whether ruffles will still itch the way they did when she was alive. Thinks about the way the mottled colors on her legs have lasted too long to be called bruises. Maybe she should call it decay.

            Her mother clicks her tongue sadly as a few strands of hair pull loose from her head. “These knots…”

            “What if I cut it?” Amelia asks. She’d been thinking about short hair back when she was alive. And it would be easier. “I can’t make you brush it for me every day.”

            Concern melds with distress on her mother’s face. “You can’t cut it,” she hisses. “What if it never grows back?”

...bright, funny, resilient, the first to volunteer...

            Once, she accidentally sleeps for three days. That’s the kind of thing the living joke about—so tired I could sleep for a week, as impossible as that would actually be. Turns out it’s easy for the dead—easy to lie still, easy to stop pushing, easy to drift away into forgiving darkness.

            She wakes to her mother weeping, her father pacing in the hall, Cole pale and haunted and clenching his phone in two hands. The funeral home’s phone number must be burned into the screen by now, but he hasn’t pressed the call button. Not yet.

            Amelia makes herself sit up in bed, reaches out to him, and sees him flinch.

            Right. Gloves.

            Even as she twists her face into a smile, she knows she's done it wrong. Her eyebrows are at odd angles, her lips curled strangely. She tries for light-hearted: "Whoops, close one! Don't want to wake up in a grave again."

            No one laughs.

...kept forever in our memories and our hearts...

            Late at night, she hears her parents whispering. “Is she all right?” her mother asks. “My little girl, my Amelia—she’s not acting like herself. She’s so tired, so...”

            “She just came back,” her father says. His voice is firm, comforting. Determined not to let any uncertainty slip through. The same voice he’s always used when her mother worries—the same voice he used when Amelia told him her own worries, her doubts about the future, about Cole. She always ended conversations with her father sure that he was right.

            “She’ll be back to herself soon enough,” he says. “We just have to keep her active. Remind her about being alive.”

            “But what if she’s not herself? I know we said not to bring up…” Her mother’s voice drops, furtive. “…the Z word…”

            “We’re keeping an eye on her. We’ll notice if she does anything that needs… intervention.”

            She closes her eyes. Wonders if she can turn off her hearing. Wonders if it would have been easier, staying in her grave.

            The next day, she brings up moving back in with Cole. He says he'd be happy to have her, and she pretends not to notice the look he exchanges with her parents.

…brought out the best in people, always ready to help, to listen…

            Cole is attentive. He brings her pastries from the bakery near their apartment and tells her about his day—work, his hobbies, a dog he saw at the park. Shows her pictures and videos on his phone. Mentions people by name, and she's not sure if they're new, since her death, or if she managed to forget people she knew about before.

            She knows which muscles to move for an understanding nod, an encouraging smile. She knows how to make herself chew and swallow food, how to bring it back up later so it doesn’t just sit and rot in her stomach. She still remembers the right way to ask questions so Cole shares more.

            There’s no real reason not to do it, but the more she thinks about it—the more she imagines forcing her body into the right place, the ordeal she’ll have to go through later—the less she wants to do it. She sits silently, pastries untouched, letting the muscles in her face go slack.

            “Ames? You okay?”

            It takes a second; she has to fill her lungs to respond. She tips one side of her mouth up in what could have been a reassuring smile, once. “Fine. Just tired.”

            He sits next to her, worry pinching between his eyebrows. "Of course. I'm sorry. Let's just sit here and watch TV? There are new episodes of all our favorites."

            The shows all feel distant, the plots blurred, the characters unfamiliar. She watches with him for hours anyway.

...a kind and giving spirit, she wanted to create...

            Shattering the mug isn't intentional. Even if she's started to resent the comforting cups of tea Cole brings her. Even if she's sick of pulling latex gloves over her cloth ones so she can wash the dishes. Even if the cutesy blobs of yellow and pink painted on it have always been too much, too bright, too false-forced-cheer, from the moment she was gifted it eight years ago.

            She still doesn't mean to let go of it, the muscles in her hand (and there are so many muscles in the human hand, so many to keep track of, and most of hers are damaged already) loosening and spasming as she's walking to the sink.

            The jagged pieces of it surround her, and Cole's hysterical babble of questions and assurances—"Are you okay, I've got it, just hold still"—fades into background noise as Amelia leans down to try and gather the shards.

            A hand wraps around her wrist and she turns to meet Cole's wide, frightened eyes. "Amy, your foot."

            A full inch of jagged ceramic is buried in her heel.

            She does not bleed, even after Cole pries it out.

...although she will never fulfill those plans, her dream will live on...

            "Ames, I'm worried." Cole reaches out, stops with his hand just over her thigh. Puts it down on the chair next to her, not touching. "This is... I know you've been through a lot. But you're acting like—"

            She turns her head until she can look at his face. Her neck jerks in the wrong direction a couple of times, but she's getting better at it, faster. "Like?"

            Cole's eyes are red, and can't quite meet hers. "Like..." His shoulders drop. "Not like yourself."

            He waits a beat—two—and gets up, breathing out harshly. "Ever since you came back, Amy. You barely look at me. You barely talk to me. You don't even like doing the things you used to like. I understand about your... condition, but..."        

...pray she rests well, and waits in peace for her loved ones...

            She sits in their apartment—Cole's apartment—long after he's gone, watching the afternoon sunlight shift across the space they used to share. Her books are still on the shelf. She remembers packing up her childhood bookshelf to bring to their new home. The painting she bought at a flea market is still hanging on the wall. She remembers joking with Cole about picking up a masterpiece for two dollars.

            Looking at them now, she doesn't even particularly want to bring them with her.

...invited to celebrate her life at...

            Merely dragging her body across the ground would be easier. But, even though she's wrong, even though she's not the person they think about when they look at her, she's still not a mindless, lurching zombie. Mostly.

            She walks. One step forward.

            Was she ever the person they thought about when they looked at her?

            One step.

            Maybe now she'll find out.

            One step.

...in lieu of flowers, the family asks...

            She settles into her seat on the train, making sure her hands are covered. A new start doesn't mean much if she sends an entire train into a panic.

            Someone sits next to her, bouncing in their seat. "Hey there! Looks like we've got eight hours ahead of us. What's your name?"

            She hesitates. Amelia. Amy. Ames.

"Mel," she says. It's strange in her mouth. Just slightly wrong, the same way she's just slightly wrong. Maybe that’s the right fit.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 21

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: thank you for the comments and notes to those who still send them! it means a lot to me. i hope this chapter isnt disappointing!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : MAJOR SPOILERS! i even added one that i got for AM Conversations lol so yep! keep sending them! the more i get, the longer this story will be lol!

Chapter 21 : His chapter

NIALL

The way we had made love kept playing over and over in my head but what I was really obsessed with was how she looked, wearing only my shirt (not even panties), sitting in the couch as she ate the meal I had prepared. She had almost choked on the rice when something funny happened in the movie we were watching and I never really noticed how endearing it was... how adorable she was. Now that we had had sex a few times, I could see a bit clearer. I was still horny for her and was ready to go whenever she wanted to, but I could also realize the little things I had missed. The way her nose raised up when I teased her about her clumsiness, the way her face lighted up when she was excited (she would even sometimes make a few small jumps), the way she bit her bottom lip when she was trying not to laugh, and even the messy state her hair was in when she'd wake up in the morning. I could make a list of all the things she did that I adored and sometimes, I spent half an hour actually listing her cute behaviors in my head.

I knew she was busy these days and I didn't want to bother her but I couldn't help but sent her a few text messages through the days. She didn't seem to bother, she even answered me quite quickly, but on friday, she replied with a message that sort of got to me.

'Did you ever have a talk with Louis about the argument you two had?'

In fact, we had not and I knew that since a few days had passed, we were both calm now and could have a discussion without risking to jump at each other's throat. It was not like me to be violent anyway but Louis knew me well and he knew exactly on which button to press to anger me. I sent him a quick text message, inviting him over and got up to check if I had enough beer left for the night. My phone beeped and I chuckled at his answer that consisted of a smiley emoji showing his teeth and the words 'On my way' written with a few exclamation points.

I quickly sent Olivia a message to tell her about it and then licked my lips before pressing them together and typing something else.

'I miss you, petal, send a selfie.'

I waited about a minute and smiled when I saw the picture of her doing a pouty face with El and Julie doing the same behind her and I realized that Louis was either stuck with the 3 girls and was glad to escape to come to my place, or he was alone by himself at his house and I was saving him from boredom. Either way, it made me laugh and I hesitated but decided to send her an other message.

'Love that selfie but when you have time, you should send me an other kind of selfie 😏'

'😂😂😂 Perv!'

I laughed and put my phone away before rummaging through my pantry to find chips and candies and brought everything to the living room along with beers before the doorbell rang. I breathed in and walked up to it, opening it slowly only to see one of my best friends waiting for me on the other side. He shook his eyebrows and the left corner of his lips curled into an amused smile.

"Hey Neil." he let out, making me smile too. "Thanks for inviting me. Livi said I should bring you this."

He moved his hand up and I noticed he was holding two bottles, one of vodka and one of jack daniels, in-between his fingers. I chuckled and moved away to let him in, following him to the living room. He put the bottles on the coffee table and turned to me before we hugged each other.

"I'm sorry Niall, I should have told you."

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have been so pissed about it."

We pulled away and Louis raised his eyebrows before rushing to the kitchen and coming back with two glasses. He poured vodka in both and handed me one before clinking his against mine.

"To neverending friendship." he let out, making me smile. "Nothing can break this bond yea?"

I smiled and nodded, licking my lips. "Yea."

We sat together and he opened a beer. I stared at him as he dropped the cap on the coffee table and leaned against the couch before turning to look at me. I didn't know if he was waiting for me to say something but I just grabbed my beer too and took a sip.

"I know I shouldn't have had sex with your ex girlfriend, Niall. " he pointed out after a while. "I just... we became very close, and it's the only way we found not to throw ourselves at random people in bars and shit. I mean I love my son more than anything in the world, but that wasn't planned and I didn't want something like that to happen again. I mean it was a baby, and it was good news, but it could have been something bad, you know?"

It didn't make much sense to me but I kept quiet, curious to hear all he had to say about that.

"It really just happened. The first time we did it she was... so sad. I had just learned that I was going to be a dad, and we both didn't know how to cope with that."

"Who had the idea?" I asked, surprised that those words even came out of my mouth and regretting them right after. I wanted to know but at the same time, i didn't.

Louis sighed but kept looking in my eyes. "Hers, I guess." he shrugged. "But also not really. It's complicated. She proposed it, changed her mind, and I insisted. She said It was the best way to stop hurting for a few hours and honestly Niall, she was right. Every time we needed to tone down the pain in the next few months, that's how we did it. It was a bad way to handle it I mean, we went to therapy later and the more we healed, the less we fucked."

Quickly, I swallowed my beer, emptying it and putting it a bit roughly on the coffee table before grabbing the glass and pouring myself more vodka. I could feel Louis' eyes on me as I took a long sip of it and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, Niall."

"I just can't believe you choked my ex girlfriend." I pointed out in a low tone. "You called her names. You made her moan and cum. But the worst of all, Louis, is that you became so close to her that you guys can just look at each other and know exactly what the other is thinking."

I didn't say more but I knew that it also meant that in bed, he knew exactly what she liked. He knew exactly how to turn her on, how to touch her to give her pleasure, how to make her shake beneath him. He had seen her in a vulnerable state that I wished I was the only one who saw. I wanted to be the only one to read her that way, whether it was sexually or romantically.

"You're her best friend now and I'm not." I mumbled. "I'm nothing."

I swallowed the rest of my glass, feeling suddenly my whole body on fire but I didn't know if it was because of anger or because of the alcohol. Perhaps, a bit of both.

"I won't lie to you, Niall. She's my best friend. She's my other half." he shook his head. "But it's just friendship. It means a lot, but we don't have romantic love for each other. The special connection we have is all about friendship. A deep one alright, but still."

"You don't get it." I scoffed, looking down at my glass as I felt myself get slightly dizzy. "She used to have that connection with me."

I felt Louis move on the couch and he got closer, still holding his glass but he waited until I looked up in his eyes to talk.

"No, what you had was stronger than that. The connection you two had, Niall, was stronger than what me and her have. And you're the one who broke it. It'll come back, I can feel it. But you're gonna have to work for it. She was hurt, and even if I know she loves you, she's so scared."

He took a pause as I let the words he spoke sink in.

"I don't think you realize what happened after you broke up with her, Niall. She was broken. She was like a zombie, numb and lost. She lost her boyfriend and her best friend at the same time. The person she loves the most in the world. You're still that person so... fight. And don't hurt her again because I swear I'm going to kill you."

"Did she date anyone else?"

Louis sighed and finished his beer before filling our glasses again. Waiting for his answers every single time I asked a question was driving me crazy.

"Yea, some girl she met I can't remember where." he shrugged. "It was not serious because we didn't..." he stopped himself and looked up in my eyes. "We didn't stop having sex while she was with her. I mean I'm not even sure they were official, I never asked and she didn't want to talk about it."

"So she never cheated on Dylan with you." I pointed out, suddenly a bit stressed.

"No. And I never cheated on El. With anyone. You know me." he let out firmly. "She cheated on him with you though, didn't she."

"I guess. From what I understand, he knows or something. I just don't know what to do to make her choose me. I've tried telling her how I felt and I made her many promises, but she doesn't trust me, so I'm getting drunk tonight trying not to think too much of my ex girlfriend riding you and moaning your name, or about her getting married to an other famous prick."

"Who's the prick? You or me?"

I smiled and chuckled low. "Both."

I thought he'd throw something at me but he just laughed and shook his head.

"Liv has her secrets but I feel like you have yours, too." Louis let out as we drank our third glass. "You two are gonna have to talk to each other before anything can be official between you."

I groaned. "Talking is all we do. I told her so many things I thought I'd never have the guts, or the chance to tell her. I don't know if she can handle finding out about who I was when she was not around."

"She can." he argued. "Besides, it must not have been that bad since nothing appeared online."

I chuckled. "I'm normally quite good at being private, so don't be so sure."

"I'm sure it's nothing that can't be forgiven. I mean she slept with your best mate and you forgave her, so." he laughed, making me groan again and grimace.

I heard my phone beep again and grabbed it only to smile when I saw her name on the screen. I didn't know why everything that was linked to her made me happy but I knew I was a bit tipsy anyway. I quickly lost my smile when I saw the picture she sent me and my jaw dropped.

'For your eyes only 😉' was written right under a picture of her.

"Jesus Christ."

My eyes roamed on her body and I felt my heartbeats accelerate. She was naked in front of the mirror and her free hand was hiding her pussy. I wanted her so bad that I had to reach for my cock to adjust myself, almost forgetting that Louis was there with me. I thought about touching her and groaned low until Louis hit my knee with his.

"You're fucking drooling, what is it?"

With difficulty, I took my eyes off of my phone and looked up at my friend who had an amused smile on the lips. I turned the screen off and cleared my throat, grabbing my glass and swallowing what was left in it as Louis started laughing.

"It's Olivia isn't it?" he asked, his smile growing. "What did she say? No wait, did she send you a picture? She's supposed to be with my girlfriend right now!"

"Well trust me, your girlfriend is not on the picture. She was not even in the same room."

"No fucking way, she sent you a nude!"

I opened my lips to answer something cheeky but was cut by the sound of my phone again, feeling my heart jump in my chest at the thought of her messaging me but I frowned when I saw who it was coming from and made a small grimace. I should have blocked Heidi's number but I normally don't do that because I'm not a bitter person. Still, if she was to message me too much, I'd definitely have to do something. I clicked on it and it's the message I saw first.

'Told you. Call me.'

I frowned more and scrolled down to see the picture. It was Olivia wearing a wedding dress. I had no idea where the picture came from and I knew that I should try to find details on the picture that would give me clues but all I could focus on was her. Something jumped in my chest but unlike what Heidi probably thought, it was not sadness that I felt when I looked at that picture. I was pretty sure Heidi had sent that to me just to hurt me or start something between Olivia and I but I didn't care. All I cared about was all the thoughts running through in my mind. She looked incredible. She looked so beautiful I felt like I was witnessing something I was not supposed to, as if I was the future husband and that I was not allowed to see her in her wedding dress before she walked down the altar. I felt myself tear up and brought my hand to cover my mouth, swallowing hard and blinking a few times.

I knew Olivia was not sure she was going to get married to Dylan yet and for now, it was enough for me. I also knew she had to go through with the wedding plan and even if it hurt, it was still legit. I could wait a few weeks, right? After all, she waited years for me and never gave up.

"Olivia was shopping for her wedding dress today?" I just asked, my eyes glued to the picture.

"Yea, she was going with Julie and El." Louis confirmed as I shook my head. "Are you mad?"

"Mad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and looking up at him. "No, I'm just.. she looks amazing."

I turned my phone and Louis moved closer to check the picture before moving back and leaning against the couch again. I turned the screen to me again and sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing them roughly.

"So which picture do you prefer?" Louis asked with a smirk, making me roll my eyes.

"You want to know if my lust for her is stronger than my love for her?" I just asked. "The answer is no. I just feel a bit guilty for even seeing the one with the wedding dress."

"Who sent it to you?"

"Heidi." I replied with a grimace, making Louis roll his eyes.

"Never liked this girl. No idea what you saw in her. But she did that to hurt you, clearly."

"Well it doesn't, it just makes me want to..." I shook my head, searching for my words. "It makes me want to marry her."

With a chuckle, Louis moved closer to me again, his eyebrows raised in surprise and a small smile playing across his lips.

"Excuse me you said what?"

"I want to marry her. You know, have kids, live together, plan an actual future..."

"Who are you and what did you do with me mate?"

"Shut up!" I groaned before chuckling, throwing the untouched bag of chips at him.

He just caught it, opened it and took a handful of chips that he brought to his mouth.

"Yuh shoo tah uh." he muttered as I rolled my eyes, waiting for him to swallow. "You really should tell her." he repeated.

"I don't know how to tell her I love her anymore. I don't know how to prove to her that she's the only one I need and that I'll never break her heart again. That I will never leave, no matter what happens."

I knew I was getting drunk by the minute but I still grabbed my glass and poured more alcohol in it without checking from which bottle it was from. I drank it as I shook my leg, racking my brain to find a way to show her that I meant it. I jumped off the couch and felt suddenly dizzy and held myself on the couch, making Louis laugh.

"Mate, sit back down, you're drunk."

"Nooo no, I know how to make her realize how much she means to me!"

Louis frowned but I ignored him, rushing to my room and searching through a box of my old stuff. It took me about ten minutes but I finally found an old letter Olivia had written me when we were teens and brought it back, giving it to Louis with a big smile. I stood next to him with a large smile as he read it and finally, he looked up at me and chuckled.

"Okay she wrote you letters like that and you didn't know she was in love with you?" he just said with an other chuckle. "Mate, you need someone to hit you behind the head. I can do it if you want me to."

"No, Tommo. You don't get it." I grabbed the paper from his hands and turned it around, pointing at the bottom. "There's her name. In her own handwriting."

Louis frowned, then realized and finally, his eyes got bigger and he got up, grabbing both my shoulders and raising his eyebrows before shaking me slightly.

"Niall, you never ever wanted a tattoo in your life!" he pointed out. "Besides, you're drunk, no one will agree to tattoo you!"

"Oh but you know tattoo artists that will anyway yea? I'm counting on you!"

He stared at me for a few minutes and I brought my hands together in a way to beg him. He ended up rolling his eyes with a smile, making mine grow even more.

"Fine! But if you regret it tomorrow, don't you fucking blame me!"

I barely remembered anything, from the way the needles felt to the final result but when Louis drove us back home, he kept glancing at me. The window was down and the cool wind of the night helped me sober up. I still didn't regret it but I knew it was a possibility when I'd wake up. I'd deal with it in the morning though, I was getting a bit too tired to think about it.

"Did it hurt?"

"Not really. Perhaps I was too drunk to feel it." I replied with a shrug, leaning my head on the seat. "You think she'll realize how much I love her with that tattoo?"

"First off, you're gonna have to show her. It's super small, and it's in a spot no one can see unless you're naked I mean, why did you want it there?" Louis frowned before shaking his head. "Anyway, not the point. She already knows you love her. So do I think this tattoo will suddenly bring her trust in you back? No. But it'll definitely entertain her."

I groaned again. "Shut up."

"Hey, I'm just so happy I got to witness that once in my life. Pretty sure it's the only tattoo you'll ever get. It's an honor for me, thank you, Neil."

"I hate you."

He was right, I had chosen a spot no one could see, at the top of my thigh, near my stomach. I've never been a fan of tattoos and I couldn't find a place to put it that wouldn't be obvious and the only other places that people never see would have given her a very wrong impression of my intentions. I could feel it burn on my skin and unlike what I thought, It didn't make me feel weird. Louis was right, it was a very small tattoo, not worth writing home about, but everyone who knew me was aware that it did mean something.

Louis parked and we walked inside in silence but he stopped near the door and patted my shoulder gently.

"I think I'm gonna leave." he just said in a low tone. "Do you need help to clean or anything?"

I shook my head and grabbed my phone, checking her picture again and surprisingly, it was the wedding dress one. I pressed my lips together and Louis moved closer, his hand squeezing my shoulder this time.

"Do you want me to call her for you?" he asked in a gentle tone. "Maybe she'd want to spend the night here? I'll even give her a ride if she wants."

I looked at my friend and felt a wave of affection for him. Knowing he was there for me and that he cared made me feel better. When I broke up with Olivia, Louis had disappeared and he hadn't been much present until I ran into her again. Now, it felt like he was back in my life for real and I liked it.

"I don't know..."

I was not sure. I wanted her with me, and the craving was intense, but I didn't want her to feel like she had to take care of me again. Still, the thought of holding her in my arms was so hard it made a shiver cross my back.

"I started writing songs for a new album." I let out randomly. "All the fucking songs are about her."

Louis looked at me for a few seconds and sighed. "Tell her, Niall. Do it." He grabbed his phone and clicked on something before bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey love, I'm with Niall right now and he really wants to see you." Louis looked up at me as I rolled my eyes and he smirked. "Why didn't he call you himself?" He took the phone away from his mouth and whispered to me. "She says you never replied to her last text message."

I closed my eyes, remembering the nude she sent me and let out a low curse word, feeling suddenly like an ass and hoping she didn't think I didn't enjoy looking at her naked.

"No darling," Louis continued. "He was too shy to call you. And he didn't answer your text because he was too busy jerking off to it."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and hit his arm a bit roughly but it only made him smile more. I closed my eyes and grunted low, hearing Louis say a bunch of 'Mmhm''s before saying goodbye and hanging up.

"She'll be there in half an hour." he sent me a satisfied smile. "I mean she said 15 minutes but, you know her."

I remained motionless for a few seconds, just looking at my friend, and finally, I brought him into a hug that he quickly answered. I moved my chin down, trying not to cry, and just closed my eyes.

"I know you love her, mate. And I think you two are soulmates." he admitted in a low tone. "Fight for it. Get her back. And then, never let her go."

[maycanady]

personal thoughts on 2x01

i did try my best to be super unbiased on the summary i did for the premiere, but i would just like to add on my favorite moments, which is hard to do because i loved the whole episode. there was literally not a moment i didn’t like. even the ones that hurt. it all hurt so good. the cast did so good.

if you haven’t read my summary, it’s here. you’ll understand what i’m talking about more if you’ve read it.

the flashback with liz and max in bed in the intro and how it cuts back to the reality of his death. so heartbreaking how they parallel liz resting on max’s chest on both ends.

liz is just trying and hurting the whole episode, and just trying to be happy about having her sister back, and trying to make sure rosa knows that her hurting about max doesn’t mean she’s not wanted. i just want to hug her!

alex was the softest boy around when michael comes by to return the guitar. like he was just sitting there, not wearing his prosthetic, and either reading or writing.

michael is hurting with the loss of max and his mother. he’s not only pushing alex away, he’s also pushing maria away. he doesn’t believe himself good enough for either of them. it’s not a personal attack on whichever one of the three you stan. he just needs time to heal.

MARLIZ HUG, I REPEAT MARLIZ HUG GUYS!

my thoughts on isobel in season 1 have varied from favorable to not favorable, so i’ve always kept them to myself, but can i just say how amazing lily did with her in the season 2 premiere. her story is going to be so intriguing this season, and beautifully achingly to watch.

ROSA AND LIZ SINGING ALONG TO BITCH. ROSA GETTING UPSET HER LITTLE SISTER IS WEARING HER NECKLACE, AND SAYING THAT SHE SHOULD JUST BE BURIED WITH HER ALL HER STUFF NEXT TIME SHE DIES. ROSA POKING FUN AT KYLE, HER HALF BROTHER, HAVING A THING FOR HER SISTER. ROSA BELIEVING SHE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE.

i loved, LOVED, kyle making it clear to rosa that he was a different person now, and that he wants her to know this version of him. he’s so happy to have this second chance with her, a chance he didn’t get with his father!

alex is too relatable. he’s literally the shrug emoji about letting his dad die when kyle brings it up to him!

speaking of alex and kyle, we were promised more bromance and scooby moments with them. and there’s a in the premiere when alex pushes the morgue attendant up against the wall when they’re trying to find out who took noah’s body, and kyle literally takes a step back, and his face just screams, LIKE DAMN. same, kyle, same!

i really thought rosa was gonna have max’s powers bc of the trailer, but that scene in the trailer was just a nightmare in the premiere. who knows maybe it’ll happen later on, either way what a let down lol.

also can i just say, i’m SO shocked that michael and isobel didn’t play the blame game on liz in regards to max’s death. i am so happy about that, especially with that cringey scene in 1x02 where they harass her.

michael literally runs after liz after she and isobel play out the fake scene of her having broken up with max. he goes and checks after his sis-in-law! he asks about rosa! he may be pushing alex and maria away, but he’s such a softer brother still, to both isobel and now liz.

liz x kyle x michael are really never a ot3 i would have thought of, or something i ever thought i needed, or would even get. and seeing them all do their science thing to bring back max is just so cool to watch.

isobel during the glass breaking scene, where it just all floats in the air for a bit before she lets it drop, was so hot.

sheriff freakin’ michelle valenti at the wake, in that black dress, with her hair down, damn!

i don’t know how i feel about isobel’s pregnancy story yet. i think if they have her get rid of it it could be interesting to share with the audience, especially because she would have to enlist kyle, liz and michael to do it since she can’t go to a hospital because she’s an alien. like @suzteel told me, it could be a great way to show how not having the resources for abortions is not good. carina does love paralleling real world issues to her stories.

rosa having nightmares with noah, and then max coming into it all at the end of the premiere, and telling her to not let liz bring him back, i really think it was intended to show that noah is linked to max’s consciousness/body. so if he’s brought back, noah is brought back with him. plus the way noah still looks good, and max looks like a talking zombie, i really think noah is more in control, and not max. so if max is brought back, i’m scared they’re gonna make him the “villain” with noah being the one doing all the harm. scared, but excited.

ZOMBIE BY THE CRANBERRIES ENDING MONTAGE WAS AMAZING!

can’t think of anything else, if i do, i’ll just add to this 😆

[ungarmax]

so here’s that thing from my drafts i was talking about earlier.  i didn’t read it over or anything so it probably doesn’t make any sense, but SHRUG EMOJI.  @nekosd43 @epersonae @siobhanrobotnik

i’ve been thinking kind of obsessively about a taagnitz royalty au idea i had the other day.  celeste and i were talking about starting a new rp and throwing ideas around and i randomly said, “taako is a prince and magnus is a stable boy!” just as a generic idea, but then.  THEN.  i started to think about it.  and i added kravitz, which made it at least 50% better.

there’s an elven nation called the felicity wilds ruled by a set of twins from the animus clan (edward & lydia).  in this nation, twins are considered royalty because they tend to only show up in families because, i don’t know, elven genetics or something.  there are also other races living there, primarily humans and half elves.

there were probably seven royal houses at some point, but elves live a long time and have a lot of time to murder each other, so we’re gonna say only one house/clan remains in power.  the other families have died out or scattered.  sometimes people claim to be from one of the clans, but it’s usually just bullshit.

taako and lup were definitely from one of those clans, probably disgraced or something a long time ago, or maybe it’s sort of a “hide your royal babies who are gonna get murdered in this coup d’etat” situation.  either way, they were raised in a human orphanage at the very edge of the country for a long time without the knowledge that twins are royalty, etc.  at some point, someone figures out who they are, and they find out they’re part of the phoenix clan.  the current leaders aren’t the most popular monarchs and so it’s easy for them to get political support, and they’re not planning on taking over anyway.  at least not right now.

anyway, they get some like...off brand royal titles like duke and duchess or something.  no actual political power, but good for popularity.  they both think it’s dumb as shit, but they enjoy having things for basically the first time in their lives.  they get to go to wizard college and stuff.

meanwhile, the next country over is a more human based country, although a lot of dwarves live there too.  this country is actually called shadowfell (based on the raven queen’s actual location according to d&d lore), but due to the fact that most of the industry in the country is excavating and polishing precious gems, residents affectionately call it the crystal kingdom.

shadowfell is also known for its necromancy.  specifically, their good necromancy.  no zombies or skeleton friends here.  their necromancers are generally very respectful of the dead and have an abiding consciousness of the soul and body’s connection to one another.  dark necromancy, like raising undead, or becoming a vampire or a lich?  very frowned upon.  punishable by doing time in the eternal stockade, or even by death.

residing over the nation is the raven queen, the ‘raven’ part being a ceremonial title for whomever wears the crown.  her real name is unknown, but those close to her call her ruby.  her partner is ????, and she has a grown son, kravitz, who is looking to get married.

there are maybe some border disputes or a trade agreement that could be beneficial to both countries, something like that, and also the shadowfell royal family isn’t opposed to having some magic mixed in with it.  i guess they’d also have to be cool with like a half elf in there too.  idk it’s possible necromancers have longer lifespans than regular humans/dwarves/whatever because of their close connection with death itself, so half elven lifespan is pretty average to them.  the POINT was that edward and lydia known an opportunity when they see one and decide to foist their problem twins off onto the crystal kingdom.

i think it’s lup that they send with the intention of marrying her off to kravitz.  i don’t want to say there aren’t magical or just scientific means for trans women to have babies in this world, but i do rather like the idea that it’s kind of a ‘fuck you’ to kravitz & co. when they know that heirs are important.  if you want to get into skeevy bullshit, maybe edward was courting taako and taako was like “no thx bye” and he figures he might have a better shot with taako if lup is gone away.

taako absolutely travels with lup, as does lup’s handmaiden, lucretia, who is also secret girlfriend.  and they arrive at the palace and, oh no he’s hot.  taako gets a crush on kravitz literally immediately, and kravitz, bless his little gay heart, can’t even see lup.

but lup is the one who is supposed to be courting kravitz, and taako is here for emotional support or whatever.  kravitz wants to do what’s best for his country, even if it means marrying a woman, so he spends a lot of time with lup, who isn’t really particularly interested.  he’s nice?  he’s definitely not really into her, and she’s definitely not really into arranged marriage or whatever.  she’s probably not into this entire trip, but that’s not really kravitz’ fault.

so taako is bored as fuck, but he likes horses and this country has a lot of open places and nature to explore.  so he ends up going down to the stables and borrowing a horse almost every day.  and he gets to know the guy in charge of the stables, who is of course magnus.  they sort of bond over stupid jokes about horse dicks and their shared love of nature and horses.  romance happens, because that’s what this dumb story is about.

meanwhile, lup has met one of the more dubious members of the shadowfell court, a necromancer named barry whose family had gotten into some Bad Necromancy Shit when he was small and had gotten removed from their place in the shadowfell nobility.  barry is working on making up for what his ancestors did and was begrudgingly allowed to return, if only because he’s a brilliant scientist who has made great advancements in the field.

lup and barry hit it off instantly.  and since we’re doing ot3s here, in this house, lucretia is cool with lup being poly, and lup has lucretia’s blessing to pursue this bluejean-clad nerd.

thing is, kravitz and taako also have this mutual flirtation thing going on whenever they happen to meet, and it’s very clear to pretty much everyone that they’re into each other.  taako, however, is dating magnus at this point, so he kind of tries to keep his distance.

but since lup and kravitz aren’t into each other, someone at some point makes the suggestion that taako marry kravitz instead, which would solve all the border disputes or whatever was the issue, and that would also keep taako from having to go back home to be courted with by edward, which he Does Not Want, so it’s Hard.  they don’t get to stay here if no one is marrying kravitz, after all.

but taako has a boyfriend!!!  but staying here would solve a lot of his problems and he doesn’t want to go home!!! but it’s hard!!!

and then lup is like, hey dude you know i have a boyfriend AND a girlfriend right, maybe you could, like, you know, do that too.  and taako is like wow what a great idea let me go talk to all my boyfriends and make sure they’re all right with this.  except probably with more worrying about everything for drama or something, man, i dunno.

anyway, then he marries kravitz and continues dating magnus, and lup marries barry and/or lucretia, and everyone is happy.  and they adopt angus and he can be the next king after kravitz.  man, i dunno.

also, i tihnk merle is one of kravitz’ advisors for some reason, even though he is down an arm and it’s pretty much kravitz’ fault (don’t ask me how yet i don’t know).  davenport’s from felicity wilds and traveled with taako and lup.  i don’t know his job title exactly.  maybe he’s kind of a “””handler.”””  they call him dad because they know he hates it.

[ayzrules]

 tagged by @elissastillstands love u girl hope all is well <3

o Name: Alicia o Star sign: Leo/Virgo cusp but i ~identify~ more w virgo tyvm o Height: 5′5″ o Put your iTunes or Spotify on shuffle: "Ace of Hearts” by Zella Day

“Girls Chase Boys Chase Girls” by Ingrid whateverherlastnameis

“Rearrange” by VERITE

“I’ll Rust With You” by Steam Powered Giraffe

“Cardiac Arrest” by Bad Suns

my music is just a random disorganized amalagation of songs i like tbh o Who is your celebrity crush? idk man cillian murphy??? tho i’m more likely to loudly obsess over how pretty an actress is than how good-looking an actor is TBH

o What’s a sound you hate and a sound you love? high heels on tile floor, my spanish prof’s spanish lisp (spanish spanish sounds diff from latin american spanish and they have this lisp that softens the hard “s” and “c” sounds, which is usually pretty annoying but like his isn’t obnoxious. also it probably doesn’t help that he’s like, 30 something and good-looking LOL). i hate uhhhh idk the fucking annoying ass notifciation sound for snapchat if i forget to turn it off in iphone settings o Do you believe in ghosts? nah bro o How about aliens? sure why not but like....miss me w that edgy sci-fi going out to space to find aliens bullshit. ya girl cant even find her way to the local grocery store w/o getting lost o Do you drive? ye but not often cuz i don’t have a car. fml. (i don’t have insurance either so its technically illegal to drive for me LOL)

o What was the last book you read? uhhh for fun i forget I re-read some stuff from middle school over the summer but the most recent book i read for fun that i hadn’t read before was probably “How to Marry a Werewolf (In 10 Easy Steps)” by Gail Carriger which was fuckin LIT yall read her books. Stalk her pinterest/tumblr (@gailcarriger). 12/10 would sell my soul for her.

for school um. idk some dumb textbook. we read two short stories by Emilia Pardo Bazan for my spanish lit class today does that count. she’s lit af too, one of the first spanish “”””feminist””” writers. also her stories have such an ~aesthetic~ i’ll make a pinterest board for one of them probs

o Do you like the smell of gasoline? eh o What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? sprained my wrist or some shit in pre-school. don’t really remember what happened, my friend was pulling me up a slide and then next thing u know i have a purple cast. *shrug emoji*

o Do you have an obsession right now? uh, the aesthetic of Crazy Rich Asians (SUCH. A. GOOD. MOVIE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) or like, nanowrimo? i’m hype for it this year, really excited to write my idea thing partly cuz the main char i have planned is just as extra and sarcastic and cynical as i am :^) maybe even more so lmfao

ALSO plants vs. zombies 2 YALL such a GOOD GAME. the puns are great. the music/graphics are great. the dialogue is on point. EVERYTHING IS GREAT.

(one time I had a quest to “defeat peasant zombies”. they were like, “They’re not pleasant, they’re peasant! And that’s terrible!” and I just burst out laughing cuz i have the IQ of a 5 year old and that’s peak comedy to me)

OH ALSO vine compilations boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. i love some good vines YEET

o Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? not really but i don’t forget that they did it either, it just sort of stays as a like extremely neutral “oh yeah so-and-so was a dick to me in 5th grade hmm wonder how they’re doing” o In a relationship? nah LOL my annoying nosy gossipy asian mom keeps bugging me about it. smh.

tagging: @morningstar1399 @livesinabluebox @vampirkaninchen @hugsandnoregrets @officialdarklord @kzombi3 @ anyone else who wants to do it

[joannalannister]

Samyria submitted:

Hey :) I don´t know if I´m asking the right person (and also it is kind of an old case) but what are your thoughts about Jon being a Targaryen?

I  personally don´t like it because it feels forced, obvious (to be honest: I´m not a fan of the Targaryen family - Daenerys included) and way too much like some kind of fanfiction where the Mary-Sue (aka Dany) finally finds her Gary-Stu (aka Jon). I mean…two families equipped with random super powers (in contrast to ALL the other families) and now there is this perfect link between them? That is a bit too much for my taste… Still I would love to hear your opinion. :D

Hi! I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking. 

Are you asking me whether I think Jon Snow is Rhaegar and Lyanna’s son? Because yeah, I believe that, I don’t think “R Plus L Equals J” is too obvious. The fact that so many people figure it out while reading doesn’t make it obvious or forced imo, it just makes me believe that GRRM builds a good foundation when he’s constructing his story, so that when Jon does find out about his true parentage in the books, it will feel very organic and a natural part of the story. I don’t think I have any original thoughts on this theory, but if you’d like to read about it in depth, I recommend the #R plus L equals J tag on @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly‘s blog. 

Or are you asking me whether I believe that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married in the books, making Jon their trueborn son rather than a bastard? 

I don’t believe the theory that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married in the books, because I don’t think Jon Snow’s bastardy is something that’s going to be “solved” so neatly. I don’t think illegitimacy is something to be “solved” at all tbh. The R+L=J reveal is going to be quite tumultuous for Jon, something that will shake him to his core imo, and I think a lot of Jon’s narrative is going to be dedicated to his emotional journey of coming to terms with the idea that he wasn’t Ned Stark’s bastard at all, but Rhaegar’s bastard, and that the woman Jon thought was his aunt is really his mother, and sure, I believe that Lyanna went willingly with Rhaegar, but I don’t think she stayed willingly at the end, because I think this medieval idea of “consent once given is given forever” is bullshit and I think (hope) that GRRM is ripping that idea to shreds, like he does with that idea in Cersei’s narrative. 

That tv show doesn’t have time for emotional journeys, hence the R/L marriage and the complete lack of a nuanced depiction of Rhaegar and Lyanna’s relationship. 

Like, the way that I see Jon’s narrative isn’t that his bastardy is a problem, it’s that he needs to come to terms with it emotionally. And imo Jon has come to terms with the idea that he’s Ned Stark’s bastard in ADWD, cuz Ned was good and honorable and everyone in the North affords Ned a certain respect that sort of counterbalances the stigma in Westeros that bastards are treacherous and awful. So he’s halfway toward accepting who he is. But how much is it going to shake him when he finds out he’s actually Rhaegar Targaryen’s bastard? we can debate Rhaegar’s character until we’re blue in the face, I’m not gonna do that here. Set Rhaegar aside for a moment. The Targaryens murdered Jon’s grandfather and Jon’s uncle. The Targs really fucked up House Stark. 

So when I talk about one of ASOIAF’s themes of the body as a battleground, GRRM is really gonna bring it home in Jon Snow, because he has to deal with such great internal conflict, Stark vs Targaryen, and how can Jon come to terms with what Rhaegar did, and how does that affect Jon’s decisions moving forward. 

Not to mention the whole “I don’t think Jon’s ever going to be fully 100% alive ever again cuz he’ll be a fire zombie” thing complicating this whole situation. 

So yeah, anyways, I think Jon Snow is staying a bastard throughout the series. (Although Robb may have tried to legitimize him, idk wtf is going on with that, idk if that counts, and frankly I don’t give a damn so *shrug emoji*.) 

Is it forced or obvious? I don’t think GRRM’s going to make it feel that way. 

Also, I think the point of Dany’s story is that she is the Targ claimant to the Throne, not Jon, but she gives it all up anyway to save the world. It’s a lot bigger and more meaningful sacrifice on her part if Jon remains a bastard.

In terms of a Mary Sue / Gary Sue … I don’t think I believe in those concepts tbh? Mary Sue is a term loaded with a lot of sexism and misogyny, and Gary Stu is derived from it, instead of the other way around as is typical, because people mostly use the “Mary Sue” concept to criticize female characters for being “too competent” / “too beautiful” / “too admirable” etc. We’ve seen numerous examples of Dany and Jon failing, so what exactly is too competent? What is too beautiful? What makes someone too admirable? 

I don’t believe in the concept of a Mary Sue. I believe in good stories. 

And I think GRRM is more than capable of making Jon and Dany into a damn good story: a compelling, emotionally-satisfying, well-written story with very flawed, very human characters. I think everything from AGOT to ADWD is proof of that. I would literally have to quote the whole book here. 

So, I think the opening argument falls to you here. I’m not gonna do it for you. You would need to make the argument that Jon and/or Dany is a Mary Sue in the books with specific textual examples of how you feel they fit the definition of a Mary Sue if you want me to rebut that idea. 

Regarding the idea that the Starks and the Targaryens have super powers while the other families don’t … idk what to tell you. ASOIAF is an epic fantasy series; people who do magical stuff is par for the course. If the fantasy genre isn’t your thing, idk what to say. 

But what do the Starks have in terms of super powers? Bran has magical powers, Arya can commune with wolves, and Jon is … possibly vacationing in Ghost until a woman from Essos resurrects him. Sansa and Rickon don’t seem to have any magic, or at least nothing that’s manifested itself. (Nor did it seem like Robb did.) 

idk, this doesn’t bother me. The Starks are the heroes. I want to see them do fantastic things, as much as I want to see Wonder Woman go up and over the top. It doesn’t bother me that magical powers aren’t distributed equally among Westerosi society because these powers are supposed to be special. They’re not ordinary. The magic isn’t a mundane part of everyone’s life. The people who use it are not ordinary. Someone like Arya is … exceptional. There could be a hundred Lancels, or a thousand Randylls, but there’s only one person like Arya. Only one person like Bran. Only one Jon. Because I think we’re supposed to realize that being the hero is hard. Stepping up and being the true knight in a world as dark and twisted as Westeros is something very out of the ordinary, something very rare. And the cool thing is that they would do this true knighthood thing even without the magical powers; the magical powers are just author signposts to say, “pay attention to this person” and painting it so much larger than life.  

And idk if the Targaryens really have super powers? Dany has dragons. She has magical creatures, but does she have powers? A miracle happened to her, where she survived Drogo’s pyre, but she’s not fireproof, nor are any other Targs. idk, I read fantasy because I want the miracles, so again idk what to tell you. 

Why does it bother you that the Starks have direwolves and Dany has dragons? 

(If it makes you feel any better, I like to imagine that the prehistoric lions in the Westerlands (basically direlions) – I like to imagine that after the Clegane kennelmaster killed the lioness, Tytos found two cubs and they took them home and he gave them to his kids as pets, but cats being cats, the lion cubs just caused a bunch of problems like knocking down expensive shit and gnawing on people and stuff, until Tytos was like, OK we gotta lock em up, and that’s why they were tame and why they didn’t bite Cersei’s hand off many years later.) 

For me, it always felt like Tyrion has his own superpower: “My mind is my weapon,” and this is why GRRM wrote Tyrion as he did, making him a dwarf to give him a head disproportionately bigger than his body, like he’s someone from a comic book. 

And iif you’re asking me about Jon being in a relationship with Dany, but it being incestuous … eh, it’s fantasy, it’s not real. The incest just adds to the heightened emotions, like some Greek Drama or s/t. If we were reading about the Greek gods on Olympus or s/t with all their incest, would everyone cringe so much? 

Truly, I’m a lot more bothered by all the 13 year old girls being forced to get married in ASOIAF, and the way GRRM writes about how a woman’s “childlike smile” and “girlish body” is “so sexy”. <.<

For Jon/Dany … as I’ve said before, I think ASOIAF is about love, and I think it’s about loving even in the Lovecraftian landscape of the Others, about finding and reveling in our humanity even when it’s under siege in a twisted world of cold and ice. Some people think that’s corny or cheesy or cliche. I think it’s beautiful. If you don’t like it, tho, then you don’t like it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Finally, if you were asking me about Jon/Dany on the show, I’m sorry but I don’t like that show, so the question of whether Jon/Dany are forced or obvious on the show is irrelevant to me. 

[gryffvndors]

you hang the moon, i’ll hang the stars [draco malfoy]

request: “163? Draco x Gryffindor!reader please?” -anon

word count: ~1200

a/n: i’m like 87% sure this is NOT what you had in mind when you requested this, anon, but all i’m ever given is a line of dialogue so i just take the story where it wants to go, u feel? i feel. regardless, i hope u all enjoy this and i hope i don’t go too overboard with this reader characterization! i do like to make my characters’ personalities show and sometimes it goes a bit overboard but o well! also i feel like draco is a bit ooc here so whoopsies *shrug emoji* he’s a happy lad rn what can i say his gf is a qt who wants to take over the world, who wouldn’t be happy about that?

163: “i’m sick of being USELESS.”

“First day back to class. First day, and we already have an essay due,” you scowl, plopping down next to your friend Ginny Weasley. “It’s bollocks, that’s what it is. I have far too much to do.”

Ginny snorts, reaching across you to grab a roll. “Like what, invent your own spells?” She pauses. “Nevermind. I forgot you actually do that.”

“Do what?” Harry asks, sitting on Ginny’s other side. He smiles at you, bidding you a brief hello.

“She invents her own spells.”

“That’s very interesting,” Harry raises his brows. “Like what? What kind of spells?”

“Well,” you bristle, clearing your throat. “The spells I am working on are very intricate and difficult. The magic is… special,” you say. “Yes, special. We will… leave it at that.”

Hermione narrows her eyes from her place directly opposite you. “What do you mean, ‘special’?”

“Well-” you begin.

Ginny interrupts you. “She’s trying to create dark magic. Her goal is create a spell so dark, it will be the fourth Unforgivable.”

“When you put it that way, you make me sound evil!” You cry.

“That’s exactly what you told me!” Ginny shoots back.

Harry and Hermione are both staring at you, slack-jawed. Ginny, who has heard your idea multiple times before, is unfazed, and simply spreads butter on her roll as you are silently mocked.

“You can’t be serious,” Hermione says finally. You scowl. Picking up your bag off the ground, you rise to your feet and step away. “Where are you going? We need to talk about this!”

“Hermione’s right,” Harry sighs. “You cannot make an Unforgivable-”

“It’s not like she’s going to succeed anyway,” Ginny snorts. She turns to you. “No offense, but you’re just… incapable. You? Making an Unforgivable? You aren’t even a good student.”

“I-” you stammer. “You - well…” Finally, you stomp your foot and point to each of them in turn. “You’ll see! I’m going to become a legacy. I will be remembered throughout time. You just wait, all of you!” You spin around to the rest of the Great Hall. Most everybody is looking at you. Not in surprise - this isn’t a surprising scene, as it usually goes a lot louder - but they’re still watching. For good measure, you shout, “All of you!”

You storm out of the Great Hall and head immediately for the library.

A few hours later, you’re still researching in the back corner. A book is open on the table before you and you’re scribbling furiously onto a roll of parchment. Somebody sits across from you; you hear the moving of the chair. Without looking up, you mutter, “What? I’m trying to do something.”

“I heard about your scene in the Great Hall.”

At the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, your head whips up. Draco is sitting across from you, frowning. He is wearing his Slytherin uniform, as usual, minus the billowy robes necessary for class.

“What, you weren’t there to witness?” You continue writing, glaring at the words. “Everybody else was.”

“I was busy.”

“Of course you were.”

Draco sighs, moving closer. He peers over your shoulder at the parchment. You let him read it, leaning to the side. When he is finished, he nods and sits back down. “It’s interesting. Why are you writing the essay today? It is due in a week. There isn’t any research you have to do on it.”

“No,” you agree, blowing on the parchment to help the ink dry. “I was researching something else. Decided to take a break and get on the essay. Honestly, ‘What goal are you aiming to achieve by the time you die?’ What is the point of writing this? This has nothing to do with DADA.”

“It is just so the professor can get to know his students, see their writing style. I am… not surprised at your goal,” Draco shifts in his seat, the corners of his mouth turning up. “You have made it very clear, ever since we met, that you aim to be the most powerful witch alive.”

“I don’t even want to be a good student, like Ginny said,” you frown. “I’m sick of being USELESS. I just want to be powerful.”

“You are not useless. Trust me, you are powerful.”

“Not enough power. I will not rest until I create the next Unforgivable. I am thinking of something really terrible. Like… bringing somebody back from the dead, but they are a zombie, and they eat people, or… maybe one that encloses something around the victim and, inside, they drown-”

Draco gently says your name.

You look up.

He’s smiling at you, which isn’t something you see often. He usually doesn’t smile. Draco is usually sneering, most of the time at your friends. ‘Some friends they are,’ you think. ‘Not even supporting me in my quest to become the most powerful dark witch of the generation.’

His hair is a little messy, but only because it’s the end of the day and he’s run his fingers through it so many times. His tie is mostly undone - if you weren’t in the library, you’d maybe think of undoing it all the way and, in the process, getting his shirt off, too, because that’s always fun. Draco is more fun with his shirt off. He turns into Shirtless Draco - a carefree, flirty Draco that you like a lot. Now, though, he’s only Slightly Better Than Normal Draco. Normal Draco is a little uptight - this is a step up.

He reaches across the table and grabs your hand. “I think you need to calm down. I wouldn’t be saying this if you weren’t getting a bit out of hand, you know this. We’ve talked about this - creating Unforgivables, especially when you’re inside of Hogwarts, is sub-optimal. Let’s focus our… ambition, per se, to more cheerful projects. You are a very bright, powerful witch. I think the wizarding world could benefit greatly from your ability when you are creating something meant to inspire, not destroy.”

He gives this a minute to sink in. When it does, you finally nod, sighing.

“I guess I got too confident,” you huff. Draco’s eyes twinkle. You see him try to hide a laugh behind his hand. “Stop laughing at me or I will ignore you and create something even worse than the killing curse, then use it on you and your entire family!”

“Sorry, sorry…” He chuckles again, shaking his head. “I just… I don’t see why you aren’t in Slytherin.”

“Ginny says it’s because I have too much nerve. She says I’m reckless,” you shrug. “I don’t see it. Now, I have to return this book to the restricted section without letting Madame Pince know that I’ve done it. Would you like to help me, or just sit there and watch?”

Draco leans back. He crosses his legs on the table and folds his hands behind his head, against the wall. “Please. I would love to see you achieve this.”

“Careful, Malfoy. Keep talking shit and you won’t be kissing anyone for a week.” At his protest, you let a smirk grow on your face. “Only joking. I couldn’t handle not kissing you for a week. Okay, now I really have to return this, or I’m in deep shit. I’ll be right back. Don’t read my notes, they’re top secret, okay?”

“Okay,” Draco calls. Despite his agreement, you hear shuffling of parchment as you walk away. You roll your eyes. You expected as much.

[accidently-happens]

A New Story

A Short Story

It is original. There is no aspects of other’s work in here as far as I know.

This is part of a short story series I started while traveling. It isn’t anything too special but it’s helped me feel more confident in my writing ability. If there’s any mistakes or confusion, let me know! The asks for this blog have been turned on.

I’ll occasionally share the drawings I’ve done of the characters 😋

It might get a little… uneasy… later based off of what I’ve already got written but enjoy!

Word Count: 3,303

Warnings in tags

All my characters

Death’s Death

What would you say if I told you that the Greeks and Romans were the most accurate about deities? Not as the creator of the universe but rather a group that had control over an oddly specific thing? For example, I, Nekes, had control over death. What does this mean? I kill people by touching them. I can tell when and how someone will die. I have the deathly knowhow. This is especially funny since my younger brother, Vitus, is major life. He said I give off a depressing aura. I told him he smelled of life and he went to take a shower. So, ha.

He tries to get us to hide ourselves. Easy for him. He just has to shower often and keep his hair long. I can’t be near people without them feeling like something’s wrong with me. Except for the others of course. Especially the lifes. They both counteract my aura. Our cousin Letcha is minor life. This might get confusing. Let me explain. I’m death. My younger brother is major life. My younger sisters are Timi and Shimi, sound and good endings respectively. Our cousin Dekins was weaponry. His sister Kilns was  flora and fauna. Their younger sister was Letcha, minor life.

Out cousins Merccie, Sotpa, and Neurs were siblings - in that order, first two being girls and the last being a boy - that were, in the same order, thanks & good tidings, love, and knowledge. A girl who might be my cousin from the other side was beginnings, Genesis. Then a family friend Travis was the gatekeeper.

Did that make sense? I’ll leave a list or something just in case. Moving on.

Today was the first day of school. Bad? Oh yeah. Very bad. I had a note from my parents, who were both aware and unaware of the reality of us children, that said I was to be in a seat away from the other students and closer to the door. My mom was a doctor but nobody knew that so it was a two in one. Score. The teachers were confused but never argued since I stood the right distance that they could tell something was up with me and not to be pressed but they didn’t feel any effects. Besides, a doctor’s note was hard to argue, even if it said I had “a contagious disease that could cause almost instantaneous death.” Emphasis on almost. I’ve been working hard to keep myself in check. If I really focus, I can touch someone for a couple minutes or not make everyone within a two-foot radius feel depressed and hopeless but not at the same time. Considering how it’s taken me the six years I’ve dealt with this, that’s pretty good since I’ve also had to not let anything bother me. Kids at school started calling me apathetic and dull. If only they knew…

Vitus snapped his fingers in front of my face. I snapped out of my day dream. It was our monthly gathering and I had dozed off. Again. Except for Genesis and Kilns, everybody else looked indifferent. This happened often enough. I’d probably doze off again as soon as Timi started talking. I hate her. Correction, I despise her.

“Nekes, if you’re going to sleep, do it at night,” I saw Dekins point at me aggressively with his pointer, “you need to be 100% here.”

“Give her a break, Dekins! Neko hasn’t been sleeping good for the last few weeks!” Genesis stood to my rescue and used the nickname she gave me, though, she didn’t have to bring my insomnia up. Whatever. I tried to not show the blush that wanted to burn my face. I felt Kilns shift, her way of telling me my aura was going through the life shield. I mumbled a sorry and focused on my emotions, bringing them back down into locked boxes.

“It’s fine, Gen, he’s right…” I mumbled to her through my jacket.

She glanced at me worriedly.

“Alright but,” she sat down and leaned towards me and whispered softly, “but I’m here for you so just let me know okay Neko?”

I nodded, “What did I miss out on?” Vitus sighed and pressed the bridge of his nose.

“We were discussing what to do about school. We need a good way of hiding our auras and other side effects.”

“I don’t. I just have to wear my-”

“Shut up Travis. You’re fine. It must be easy when all you have to do is hide a key-”

“Wow, I didn’t know you were so aggressive, Kilns,” interrupted Timi, filing her nails with a rather large file.

“Oh hush you.” Timi stuck her tongue out in an effort to be sarcastic without words, squeezing her eyes shut (here have an emoji that accurately describes this face: 😝 hehehe). Kilns went silent, leaning closer to me and forcing me to pull my aura tighter around me. This is when two-year-old Neurs spoke up.

“Nekes, your aura is the strongest and most problematic to hide because of the side effects of your presence.”

“Yeah I know… ’m working on it…”

Everyone looked at me with a look saying “really?”

“I need to leave… I might come back… just keep chatting without me… no Gen, you need to stay.” I added as Genesis got up to follow me as I headed out of the void room. I needed to let myself go for a while without others. She nodded and sat back down in my chair, leaning on Kilns who put an arm around her.

I quickly left and headed to an area of the void outside the void house that I visited often. While there wasn’t anything ever alive there, death was in the air and it felt like things had died. I didn’t notice a thing. It simply felt like home. Well, more than where I was raised in.

“Back so soon?”

I shrugged and sat in the middle of the death bubble. Nobody could hear me or come see me. They’d die no matter who they were.

“… suppose so…”

“What’s getting you so down, Death?”

I hesitated in telling the voice that always accompanied me while I was near highly concentrated areas of ‘magic’ even if it wasn’t mine.

“…nothing that concerns you…” I felt the voice smile.

“Are you sure, Death?”

I nodded.

“Oh Death. Stop lying to yourself,” it felt like hands came and rested on my shoulders, “Just let me-”

“No. Stop asking me.” I shrugged the feeling off me and dropped my emotional facade, my eyes changing from a dark blue to a near neon blue that glowed in the midst of the darkness that surrounded me. My face showed all emotion that I’ve been hiding for too long a time. I cried from sadness and anger. I gripped my arms so tightly that they started bleeding from my nails puncturing my skin as though feeling eyes on me. I felt anxious and terrified. I screamed out my confusion and horror at what I became. I sat and vented until I passed out, dreaming of what it’d be like if I wasn’t Death.

I woke up hours later. I knew the meeting was over. I couldn’t sense their life essence. I felt one. I didn’t want to talk to her, but I knew I’d have to. I trotted out, my clothes becoming a hooded sweatshirt, a pair of tights, and a short skirt. I pulled my hood up and pulled a navy blue scarf from nothing and hide the lower half of my face.

“What do you want Merccie?”

“To know if you’re okay.”

“…’m fine.”

She seemed unpersuaded. I chose not to care. I kept walking. She sighed and followed, jogging by my side.

“Look, Shimi says she can’t see your end. You know what that means?”

I stayed silent, tilting my head down to hide my face more.

“You… You do know?!? What?!? Do you-?!?”

“I can’t care not should I.  I’m death and caring hurts others. My emotions hurt others. Now, leave me alone.”

I opened a doorway to reality as it was known six years ago, stepping into my room. I had finally gotten my own room almost six years ago. It was technically an entire house. It had everything I might need to live in a zombie apocalypse which I know now will never happen. More likely, I’d get all of mankind killed. Or worse. Expelled. I smiled. That’s a good joke. I might have to tell the others that one.

I opened a cupboard, out of cereal… okay looks like I’m not having dinner tonight. I stumbled to the living room area. I fell face first onto the couch and sighed. I turned my head towards the TV.

“What’s up Gen?”

Genesis jumped from her position by the door and hit the door.

“How’d you know I was here?”

I got up and went to her. “You’re both loud in breathing and have an aura that is similar to the lifes.”

“…umm… in English please?”

“Magic,” I stood up and walked back to the couch, sitting with an ‘oomphf.’ She followed and sat close by me. My aura wasn’t being held too tightly and she was definitely in it’s range.

“You’re going to-”

“Nekes.” She was being deathly seriously. She never used my real name, especially when it was just us, and she never interrupted. I stared wide-eyed at her, afraid to say anything.

“Why are you hurting yourself?” she made eye contact and held it, “Why did you let this start?”

I looked down and pulled a knee up, not wanting to respond. I knew she’d find out. It was a beginning and that’s her thing.

“Neko… please tell me… I know good starts and bad beginnings but I don’t ever know why. I need you to tell me why.”

“….sorry…”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? 'Sorry’ is it? That’s the only explanation I get?” She sounded exasperated and… worried? She moved closer and I backed away, my touch might kill her right now. She persisted. She ended up laying on top of me, her warmth sinking into my cold form as she held my face. Hers being right above mine. She could see. She saw the tears silently and emotionlessly falling from my very dark eyes. She understood what it meant.

“I can see it… your pain… why do you hide it, Nekokonooo?”

My eyes lightened a little at the nickname she used when we were only alone. She smiled.

“Please tell me Nekokonooo? Please please pleeeeaaasssse?”

Funk she’s cute. My eyes grew lighter and dropped back to the dark color. I sat up, pushing her into my lap, and sighed.

“Since I can’t say no when you make that face-” at this, she blushed and smiled more “-I’ll tell you.”

She nodded and tried to maintain a serious face. She failed and laughed. It sounded like fairies flying through a sun beam. I smiled for a second.

“Even though you don’t seem to be affected by my aura too much, it affects the others but it affects the mortals worse, “ We called those not a owner of an oddly specific thing mortals cause we can, “I sense their deaths moving forward in time. Their life shortens for every second they’re in my aura. If I touch them, they’ll die. If I touch another of us, they get deathly ill. Even you are affected by my touch. I can feel it.”

She lost her hopeful & glad expression and found a more thoughtful & mournful one. I kept talking, finally having a way to let this out.

“I don’t go to funerals because I’m afraid that all I do is make people feel worse. That makes sense though because I’m Death. Why is that though? Why am I Death? Why couldn’t I be something- anything else? Who picked death as my realm? If I were to-” I was cut off as Genesis put a finger over my lips. She looked up and whispered a small thing. A seemingly insignificant thing. Except, it was all I ever needed to hear.

I woke up and found myself wrapped around Genesis on the couch. I carefully got up from around her. If her parents found out… Shed. I’d be so dead. I spliced a portal to her room, across the country, and listened for signs of their knowing. It didn’t seem like it. Fortunately. I went back and picked her up. In all the fanfics I read, it’s called 'bridal style’ but I’m not sure why. I’ve never been to a wedding. If you ask me why… what are you, an idiot?

I lifted Gen through the portal and placed her onto her bed, hoping her parents weren’t able to sense that I was in here. I caressed her cheek and jawline, moving hair away from her peaceful face. I sighed. I moved back through the hole in space, looking at her while I closed the portal. I turned back to the house. The one I live in. The sorta room. The “you make us feel depressed and sick so please stay here and don’t visit us okay thanks” room. I turned to the room I was supposed to sleep in but turned it into a pocket in space-time. It was much bigger than it should’ve been allowed to be, according to physics anyway. I waltzed to the section that had little of me and lots of everybody else. In other words, if people wanted to talk with me, this is where we would chat. Someone was there. I opened it. It was Vitus. Did he know?

“Why was she here?” Uh oh.

“Sorry who?”

He sighed. “You know who I’m talking about. Genesis…?” He said it like a question.

“She doesn’t come in. She wasn’t here. She hasn’t visited me in-”

“Nekes, why are you lying to me? I can sense her life force in there.”

Well, sprinkles.

“Nekes…”

“She wasn’t here. Go away.”

“Nekes. Don’t you funki-”

“Fudge. Off.” Then I slammed the door in his face. He yelled at me through the door as I walked away, moving away and to the the furthest room from the meet-and-greet door so I wouldn’t hear him. I landed on the couch and waited for his presence to go away. I wasn’t ready to deal with him. Or anyone. Unfortunately, it was a school day. Or rather, fortunately. It means he left. A lot sooner then he would’ve otherwise. I shouldn’t be going to school. Even though it was the second day of school. I can’t control my aura enough. I grabbed a phone and texted Mom that I needed her to call me out an excused absence. She asked why within the minute but she got no response. I assumed she called the school. I curled up on the couch with my knees to my face, my emotions trying to be free. I refused. I got up and spliced a one-way portal to Genesis��s room. She was awake now. She wasn’t aware I was watching. She never suspected that I watched her when she wasn’t around me physically. At least… I don’t think so?

She had changed into a simple outfit, one that I had given her. It was a shirt that read “Start Starting” and everyone laughed and found it odd that I let her take a selfie with me, even more so when they saw a genuine smile on my face. That never happened, certainly not anymore around them. Anywho, she was… sewing? I wasn’t sure what since it looked recently started. It was a lot of dark blue. My brain decided to shut off and the portal shut with a pop. My last sight was Genesis turning around and looking directly at me as I passed out.

I squeezed my eyes before opening them slightly, left more than the right. People were talking… about me?

“Go home Genesis, you’re parents-”

“I don’t care about what they think, Vitus. I’m too worried about KoKo!”

“She’s not dying, especially if the ending I saw is gonna happen-”

“What ending…?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it. I never should have brought it up. It’s overshadowed by less happy ends for Nek-”

“Tell me, Shimi.”

“Trust me. Not yet. Not all endings should be shared with those affected by it.”

There wasn’t a response. A different voice.

“Hey, Genesis, Nekes is awake.”

I heard someone’s - probably Gen’s - head whip around.

“If that’s another prank Travis-”

“It’s not. Look.”

A few steps. A face blocked the light in my face. I heard Shimi grab Travis and leave the room. My voice was like nails on a chalkboard.

“Gen… don’t cry…”

She sniffled and hugged me, bringing certain things to my attention. I groaned in pain. She backed away. I moved a hand to my chest. She made a sharp intake in breath as my eyes opened wide.

My entire chest was bandaged.

When I pulled my hand away to look at it, it was red and slightly blue.

“Wh-what happened?” My voice was full of horror and fear.

She must’ve shrugged.

“Not sure but when you were spying on me - something we need to talk about - you seemed to have gotten… well shot. By a gun. We can’t get the bullet out and it’s making you bleed more and more.”

My hand started shaking. I felt the cords that were attached directly to my heart and soul (it’s how we knew we were “owners” of something). My other hand went to my head. More lines connecting to machines to keep me alive. Death was on the verge of death.

“H-how l-long?”

“Only three hours but…” she mumbled, “it felt like years…”

For three hours, the world had no death. For three hours, Travis had to deny me entrance to my own realm. For three hours, I was going to die. I cried.

Only days later after I was able to wander again and I was in my deathful area in the void did I realize that someone had undressed me. I panicked.

Who had seen my chest? My arms? My neck? Whoever it was, knew. They knew. They knew the one secret I’ve been hiding. I hid it from everyone, including Gen.

“Uh ooohhh~ Someone knows~” The voice was back. It sounded different.

“What did you do? Did you shoot me? Why? What did I ever do to you? Who are you? Are you even real? Am I talking aloud to myself? What is even going on? I’m so confused. Someone help. I need help.” I rambled nonsense. I said nothings. There was no point in what I was saying. I was making it worse. How could I make it worse? Easily. I went from flailing around to punching things to laying on the floor crying. Adding to my collection. My collection of scars. Scars that ran from my fingertips to my neck to my hips. They were all accidents. They show up after every fit. Everytime I let emotions go, I got new scars. I was waiting for them to show up on my legs and face. They might this time.

I heard the voice. Laughing. It was laughing at me. I decided I was going to kill it. My eyes were glowing blue, tinted red and turning a stronger red by the minute. A scythe appeared in my hands, three, four, five times my size. I swiped it all around me. It hit nothing. I dropped it, realizing I had consciously summoned it. I fell to my knees and cried into my hands, feeling my nose bleed. I looked up at the sky. I sobbed. I wept. Death couldn’t take the stress.

Here’s the list Nekes promised without permission squints

From Nekes point of view:

~ Nekes - Death

~ Vitus - Brother - Major Life

~ Timi - Sister - Sound

~ Shimi - Younger Sister

> Dekins - Cousin - Weaponry

> Kilns - Cousin - Flora and Fauna

> Letcha - Cousin - Minor Life

+ Merccie - Cousin - Thanks and Good Tidings

+ Sotpa - Cousin - Love

+ Neurs - Cousin - Knowledge

* Travis - Family Friend - Gatekeeper

= Genesis - Cousin? - Beginnings

Each point mark represents a different family. They’re in oldest to youngest order within the families and Nekes isn’t the oldest on this list.