#but anyways i needed to let off some steam bc that post annoyed me so much

[genderjester]

one fucking post using phrenology incorrectly and suddenly u have ppl believe it bc there was a wikipedia screenshot attached to it and it was worded in typical you stupid tumblr ppl will learn something from me, a smarter and better tumblr user than u today fashion. kill me

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[so-langdon]

Never Enough - Michael Langdon x Fem! Reader

Summary: Michael relaxes Y/N in the shower after a long week.

Warnings: Fluff, sensual situations, teasing, fingering, oral (female receiving), soft! dom! Michael

A/N: This takes place in the same AHS: Apocalypse universe, just before the bombs, but with Michael having the Outpost! Michael physical appearance.

*ALSO hi wow it’s been like a decade since I’ve posted any writings... I don’t know how popular Michael Langdon fan fics are now and if anyone will even read this??? But posting it anyway bc I’m still obsessed and in love with Michael fucking Langdon 🙃

Hope you’re all doing well and staying safe and healthy! 💙💕

Tagged!: @hecohansen31​ @greenmanalishi​ @michaelsapostle​  @blakewaterxx​ @saltyshaggymeme​ @rocketgirl2410​ @xavierplympton​

(Also not sure if any of you wanted to still be tagged in my writings, but just in case.. Let me know otherwise if you want to be removed!)

The warmth of water cascades over Y/N, soothing her body, relaxing her muscles and releasing any tension and stress the busy day has given her. She slides her hands over and through her hair, leaning her head back, allowing the warmth of the steam and water to unwind her mind along with her body. 

It’d been a long and tiring week, causing Y/N to feel overwhelmed and overworked with all the tasks and deadlines that had to be met at her job. Alongside that, Michael Langdon, her partner, had been busy with his own work, seeming to be living at the Kineros Robotics company where he had been planning a number of things. 

The two were so busy with their own jobs, their schedules never lining up, they hadn’t been able to spend any real time together recently as it’d been at least a week since they were able to sit down and actually be with one another.

They’d each be at work all day, then come home and go to bed, hardly having any time to de-stress and talk. Especially since Y/N was always going to bed by the time Michael was getting home, him following to sleep then too. But being adults, with their work needing to get done, each understood and knew they’d get time together one way or another eventually.

However, Michael could sense and feel the stress and tension in Y/N, whether he was with her or not. The two had this connection, a strong bond formed over the love they have for one another, and with Michael’s abilities, Michael could always tell when Y/N was feeling too stressed out, even when she tried to keep a smile on her face and not burden Michael. 

Knowing that Y/N had been particularly overly tired and stressed this week, Michael made sure to leave Kineros early that day so he could spend time with her and give her a relaxing evening. He had been missing her a little too much anyway.

Michael walks into their home, carrying a few bags that contain Y/N’s and his favorite take out, wanting to give them a good dinner that evening and so Y/N didn’t have to worry about cooking, along with a few other items to make the rest of the night fun and relaxing too.

Y/N doesn’t hear Michael coming home early of course as she’s in the shower washing away the day down the drain. She doesn’t hear the bathroom door open and close either, much less take notice of Michael’s appearance on the other side of the shower glass door. 

Michael smiles to himself, finding her as alluring as ever and proceeds to undress, discarding his clothes to the floor and opening the shower door. Y/N hears and notices him by that point, but doesn’t react, only wiping her face clear of water.

She feels Michael’s arms wrap around her waist from behind, causing her to smile. She places her hands over his wrists on her, turning her head back to him.

“Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise,” she says as she looks at him, her tone sweet and happy, the warmth of Michael around her causing her a tranquility already more than the warm shower was. 

Michael grins, resting his chin on her shoulder. He presses his lips to her neck, mumbling against her, “Hi baby.”

“Hi,” she smiles more. “What are you doing home already,” she asks curiously.

“Decided to take off early,” Michael starts. “We’ve hardly had any time together this week and I’ve missed you too much, so I decided to come home and spend time with you.”

“Really,” Y/N raises her eyes as she turns around to face Michael fully, staying in his hold as his arms stay around her waist. “I’m sure Jeff and Mutt had a field day with that -- you leaving early just to come home to a girl,” she teases.

“They know better than to make any idiotic remarks,” Michael states, knowing how immature and annoying the two morons at his work could be. “But doesn’t matter. I’m the boss, what are they going to do? They worship me anyway.”

“Maybe they won’t do anything,” she begins, “but your girlfriend may make fun of you for being so whipped,” Y/N jokes, smiling as if she’ll laugh.

Michael lets out a soft chuckle, leaning in and pressing his lips against her inner neck, humming against her as he kisses against her. “So I’m whipped because I wanted to come home and spoil my favorite person?”

“Spoil,” Y/N repeats, looking at him questioningly as Michael lifts his head and looks at her with an amused expression.

“Yes, of course,” he speaks fluidly. “I left early and picked up our favorite food, along with some other things, and figured we could have a relaxing evening together.” He raises a hand from around her waist to her face, cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing against her skin gently. “We’ve both been so busy this week, and I know you’ve been more so overworked and stressed. I want to help you unwind,” he leans in, “help you relax,” he kisses her sweetly, making her heart flutter. “And take care of you,” he mumbles against her lips before pulling back with the same amused look, mixed in with an adoring expression.

Y/N wraps her arms around his neck as she smiles shyly at him, flushing a bit from his words. “And what about you?” She asks.

Michael grins, dropping his hand from her cheek to stepping her back to press against the side of the shower wall, the water hitting the both of their sides. A slight shiver runs through Y/N from the coldness of the wall behind her. He wraps his arms around her waist after, “I want this evening to be about you. I’ll be fine.”

“I think we can make this evening about both of us just as easily,” Y/N states.

“You don’t understand that me taking care of you takes care of me.” He leans his lips into the crook of her neck once more, kissing against her. “So let me start this evening out right and take care of you properly,” he whispers gently along her skin.

“What do you mean,” Y/N asks, oblivious to Michael’s ulterior motives.

Michael smirks a bit and drops one hand from around her as he brushes the back of his fingers down along the side of her body. “What do you think,” he asks, almost taunting her as his hand slows down, trailing his fingers from the side of her hip, to the front of her and lower.

Y/N bites her lip as Michael’s hand movements gets slower, teasing her by hovering his hand over just where she would like him. At an aching pace, Michael reaches down to her heat, the anticipation building quickly due to the built up tension from all week, and he cups her, his palm pressing against her, causing her breath to hitch.

He begins with his fingers rubbing down her slit, allowing the excitement to grow inside of Y/N. The wavering of Y/N’s breathing already causes him to grin almost cockily, feeling a pride from always being able to turn Y/N on so easily.

Michael’s other arm that’s wrapped around Y/N brings her closer to him, making Y/N press her lips together as she looks at him, not bothering to hide his obvious smirk now. Y/N’s hands grasp his shoulders, her eyes fluttering closed as she feels the pads of Michael’s fingers smoothly brush through her folds and to her clit, rubbing circles against her.

Y/N’s heart begins to beat faster bit by bit as her breathing gradually becomes more shallow. Michael’s fingers rub from her clit and down her slit, towards her entrance, feeling the wetness of her beginning to grow.

“You’re already so wet, baby,” Michael speaks softly, a huskiness showcasing in his tone too as he presses his lips against her forehead.

“Maybe it’s the water,” Y/N breathes out, trying to cover up the fact of how aroused she’s getting so quickly.

“Sure, darling,” Michael smiles. “Whatever you say.”

He gathers her wetness against his fingers as he teases against her heat, spreading it up to her clit and rubbing again, earning a quiet moan from her. He focuses on his consistent pace as he rubs her, knowing just how to work her up.

Michael’s movements are slow and almost too soft, knowing Y/N is desperate for more, but wants Y/N to savor each touch and sensation he gives her so she can enjoy the full pleasure and gradual build.

“Michael, please,” Y/N breathes out as if on cue, becoming needier, biting her lip again. She was used to Michael teasing her, but it accompanied a more rough setting. This was more focused and controlled, almost worse due to the ache of the slow and gentle build, making her want more more quickly.

“What? You don’t want it over too fast, do you?” He speaks, his hands movements matching the pace with his slow and hushed but teasing tone. “You want to take it all and feel the complete pleasure, right,” Michael speaks enticingly, leaning his head into the crook of her neck, kissing against her.

“Don’t tease me,” Y/N sighs out, feeling as the pads of Michael’s fingers continue at the same pace as he rubs against her clit.

“Trust me, darling, I’m only loving you,” Michael mumbles, lips brushing against her ear and kissing her, causing a shiver to run through Y/N.

Another smirk grows across Michael’s face, lips kissing against her ear and along her neck consistently as his fingers continue working along her.

Michael circles against her clit a few more times before bringing his fingers to her entrance, feeling how she’s pulsing lightly against him. He teases her more, rubbing against her softly, causing Y/N to whine and rest her forehead against Michael’s shoulder.

He pushes a finger inside of her, his own cock twitching but doing his best to control himself as he wants to only focus on her. He pumps his finger a few times, curling, a soft whimper leaving Y/N’s mouth.

Michael’s lips press against Y/N’s neck again, giving a soft suck and small nip following, kissing against her tender skin after. Y/N’s hands tighten on his shoulders, feeling how her body is getting more hot, from Michael’s touches, the steam of the shower, the pleasure spreading through her.

Y/N moans lightly when feeling Michael’s finger curl again inside her as his thumb rubs over her clit too, adding to the pleasured sensation. Still greedy for more, unable to help it when she breathes out a heavy, “More Michael, please.”

Since Michael understands Y/N’s tension and had planned for a relaxing evening for her, he listens to her instead of continuing to tease and drawing out her yearning like he normally would when they fool around and would punish her for her needy behavior. He did, after all, start it anyway.

Michael lifts his head from her neck and removes his hands from her. Y/N looks up at him with a small pout, Michael grinning as he leans in and kisses her slowly, then lowering his head as he kisses against her collarbones, down to her cleavage.

Looking up at her as he lowers himself to the floor and onto a knee, still kneeling tall enough that the water from the shower isn’t drenching his face, he grabs Y/N and pulls her forward, wrapping an arm around her lower body, his other hand grabbing her knee and lifting her leg over his shoulder. One of Y/N’s hands rests on the top of Michael’s shoulder, the other placing back against the wall of the shower.

Michael’s eyes stay focused on Y/N’s as he leans his head forward and licks a slow stripe through her folds and to her clit, closing his eyes and letting out a low groan from her taste. Y/N lets out a shallow breath, her stomach contracting already, merely from the sight of Michael alone.

He circles his tongue around her clit, enclosing his lips after and sucking slowly. Y/N’s eyes close again, her hand on Michael’s shoulder grasping tighter. Michael pulls Y/N closer, holding her to him as his plump lips and tongue work at her bundle of nerves.

“Fuck,” Y/N moans out, her mouth dropping open, her chest rising and falling at a faster level.

Michael unwraps his arm from around Y/N and brings his hand up to between him and her. He lets his finger rub against her entrance again as he sucks on her clit still. He pushes his finger inside her like before, adding a second right after and pumping his fingers inside of her at a slow pace.

He gradually pumps his fingers faster, his other hand coming to her clit and pulling back her hood to lick his tongue fervently against her more without anything in between for her to feel the full sensitivity. 

Y/N jerks feeling all the sensations together, her lower body moving forward as she grinds against Michael’s tongue. He pumps his fingers, curling them as Michael opens his eyes and looks up at Y/N, his thumb that holds her hood back, moving lower to rub over the sensitive nub, and adding his tongue as he licks around and over it too at the same time for more pleasure.

Y/N begins to thrust her lower body forward more, practically riding Michael’s face as she feels the contract of pleasure inside her body beginning to grow, deeper and deeper. Her body starts to tremble, her toes curling as the build gets bigger.

Michael sucks on her clit harshly as he thrusts his fingers inside of her faster, curling every other second, knowing how close she is and feeling desperate to taste more of her.

Y/N’s hand moves to the upper back of Michael’s head, grasping at the roots of his long locks as the pressure inside her tightens more, feeling how close to the edge she is.

Michael keeps at a consistent pace with his lips and tongue on her clit, his fingers pumping inside her, humming against her from enjoying the taste of her, the way her body grinds against his face, her body jerking lightly.

The coil snaps finally, the release of undeniable complete pleasure flooding through Y/N’s body, the tension from the week disappearing in waves as a relaxation and gratification overcomes her.

Michael is sure to suck and lick up every bit of her before standing up, including sucking on his fingers to taste as much of her as he can. Y/N’s chest is rising up and down heavily as she catches her breath and comes down from her orgasm, looking at Michael with a lazily content expression.

“Feel better,” Michel asks rhetorically, smirking and grabbing her waist as he holds her to him. “I know this week has been overwhelming, but hopefully you’re feeling more relaxed now.”

“Getting to spend time with you helps me relax,” Y/N smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck as Michael’s arms around her waist hold tighter. “But, that was quite the treat, too,” she bites on her lip, smiling again after.

“Was quite the treat for me, as well,” Michael leans in, grinning, his nose lightly brushing against Y/N’s, making her smile more, and he kisses her. “Now, let’s get out so we can enjoy the rest of our evening together.”

“But what about you? You haven’t given me the chance to relax you yet,” Y/N says, unwrapping her arms from around Michael’s neck to resting on the front of his collarbones, slowly dropping her hands down his fit chest.

“I told you, taking care of you takes care of me. Besides, I’m not done with you yet,” Michael informs, his words holding a husky and sensual tone.

“Oh? What else do you have planned?” Y/N asks curiously, her eyes filling with a curious excitement.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Michael leans in slowly, letting his lips brush over Y/N/s teasingly, making her lean up to close the space between them, wanting to kiss him. But Michael leans back more, smirking as he senses the growing want in her again for him.

He kisses her a second later, knowing he can’t hold his own self back from kissing her for too long. He grasps her cheek, knowing no matter the amount of time they have together, it will never be enough with her.

~

Hope you enjoyed!! All feedback is appreciated <3

[sanderssideswriting]

Youtuber life chapter 7

“Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

first  last  next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

The drama took awhile to really gain steam. But once it did there was no stopping it. 

Drama channels all over the place were talking about the different theories. 

most where along the lines of Remy manipulating Virgil in some way or another.

Virgil didn’t pay the theories any attention those rumors and theories they tended to die out fast and there’d been speculation on who he was before.

but this time that didn’t happen, because fans where digging up more and more proof. It’d become a conspiracy between the beauty vloggers to hide the intern’s identity so there must be a reason for it.

People kept asking Virgil to talk about it, he ignored all requests and carried on with his life.

Until it was finally solved. And Virgil didn’t know.

But everyone at school did and when he arrived people kept giving him funny looks.

Except for his friends who’d all decided that it was absolutely stupid and ignored it.

Lunch was a mess, Virgil knew something was up. But he didn’t know what until someone flat out asked him “are you CoffeeAddiction’s sugar baby?”

Which freaked him out and he sprinted off to the bathroom. With several people in pursuit who’d overheard and saw Virgil run off at the question.

Roman, Patton and Logan found Virgil hiding in the bathroom.

“Virgil, are you ok? What’s going on kiddo?” Patton asked.

Virgil was trying to text Remy but his hands where shaking to much.

His phone fell to the ground.

“I’m coming in Virgil” Roman said opening the door.

Virgil looked up “need to text my dad. Spilled tea” he said getting his phone off the ground.

Logan took it from him “I can do it. What do you need to tell him?”

“Spilled tea, he knows what it means. Then I need to get outside so he can take me home.”

“Patton, Logan can you two make a distraction? I’ll go with Virgil,”

They agreed on a plan. Patton and Logan went first. A few minute Later Roman left with Virgil after Remy had texted he was close.

The fire alarm went off and Virgil and Roman left to get to the front of the school.

Remy was there “get in Virgil! We need to go. I’ll need to make some calls for damage control,” Remy said.

Virgil and Roman got in the car.

“so you’re-?”

“CoffeeAddiction one of the most well know beauty vloggers on youtube? Yes gurl. I’m also Virgil’s dad. You’d think people wouldn’t care so much about my son. I’ll be so pissed if we have to move again.”

“this whole time you said you didn’t watch CoffeeAddiction when you’re the intern!” Roman said to Virgil.

Remy laughed “yes gurl. It was a cover.”

“yeah, at least they don’t know where we live... yet”

“Yes, but Virgil come on. You know I don’t like James Charles, and gurl I’m not making another video about it. You can do that yourself.”

“Dad! Come on!”

Remy cackled.

Roman looked so confused.

“Sorry babe I keep forgetting you don’t know. Virgil is Storm Cloud, that’s his drama channel, and Virgil WILL be making a video debunking the whole ‘ like James Charles’ thing.”

“Dad can we just get home please?”

Roman left a few hours later.

Virgil didn’t come to school for a week, he was out sick and Logan, Patton and Roman all said the same.

At the end of the week Storm Cloud posted a video.

“It’s time to talk about CoffeeAddiction’s “intern”“

“Hey bastards, today the video will be a bit different. Everyone’s heard of what’s going on with CoffeeAddiction and his intern. And I’m here to debunk everything and tell everyone what’s really going on. I am also privy to the intern’s identity as are many other beauty youtubers who have done collaborations with CoffeeAddiction. There is no crazy conspiracy. CoffeeAddiction is not a predator or anything that people think has been happening.”

“Are you done being dramatic?”

“Dad!”

“Are you?”

“I wasn’t being dramatic. That’s your job.”

There’s a dramatic gasp. “everyone and their dead grandma knows about this.”

“Change of topic! I’m going to be talking about why CoffeeAddiction definetly had a crush on James Charles at one point in time and now refuses to talk about it because CoffeeAddiction is super gay and doesn’t want to talk about it because it’s cringey,”

Someone started laughing.

“Never mind we’re doing it on my channel.”

CoffeeAddiction posted a video titled “addressing the recent allegations and coming clean”

“ah fuck time to come out.” Virgil said.

“Hey bastards, I’m gay.”

Remy started laughing “but on a serious note, I need to address the recent allegations against me.”

“Oh fuck did they find out you have a crush on James Charles?”

“Let. It. Go.”

Virgil started laughing.

“Today everyone will learn the truth about my intern.”

Virgil stopped laughing “yeah fuckers, thanks for this mess. Really it was so fun getting chased around my school and asked if I was a sugar baby.”

Remy choked on his coffee “they WHAT? You have to tell me that stuff! Ugh now I have to make a phone call.”

“Anyway this is Virgil! My teenage very emo son. Who I have not been extorting. We came up with the intern excuse so that he could be in videos and not have people know who he was. Now stop with the conspiracies'.” Remy lectured.

“yeah they’re fucking annoying. Well I have homework and a life so byeeee,” Virgil left.

Remy sighed “so that’s it babes, a teenage son that I’ve been calling my intern. I have an agreement with other youtuber who do collabs with me not to say anything about my kid to their fans for privacy reasons. I’m not someone who uses my kid for views. Now that that’s explain I’ll see you soon babes!”

the video ends.

Virgil was able to go back to school a while later, he’d been taking online classes in the mean time. He’d also gotten together with Roman. Remy had said “it took you long enough Virgil.”

Remy also posted cute hom videos of him for the soul purpose of embarrassing Virgil.

Virgil of course refused to let that stand and made the exposé on Remy having a crush on James Charles.

This went back and fourth and fans LOVED it.

Virgil also did many of his won videos with Roman and his other friends.

The most popular one was one Remy did on his channel called “Me and my son do his boyfriend’s make up while watching horror movies”

AN: this ending was very rushed, bc I know that it’s taken so long to write this, I wanted to finish and didn’t have much motivation to do so and honestly I also forgot about it, so I hope the ending is ok.

taglist:  @athenashipsthings @thezestywalru @decadentscissorsapricotdeputy @toadink2005

[cncoh-damn]

Late Night Calls

Summary: As much as you love talking to the guys, late night calls with them isn’t always the best thing, especially when timezones are in the way.

Word count: 4,993

Tags: @richukisbb @quierick @mamacamacho @erickspretend1 @whymyeyeslikethat @zaddydejesus @zabdielsdimples @cncownerxcr7 @streamdecero @cncoxpmxvibes @marveloucnco

Wanna join the taglist? 

Ah, tests. No matter how good you were at school, there would never come a time when you’d look back on them with a smile. Of course, with this being the last year you’d have to take them (at least, until you decide to go to college), you just can’t afford to flunk a single one. Despite several protests from both your own squad and the boys, you promptly locked yourself in your room with nothing but several cans of Red Bull and one too many snacks that definitely didn’t count as dinner. Of course, you couldn’t really ignore the repeated knocking on your door (courtesy of Elodie, the twins, and Alex) nor could you ignore the buzzing of your phone, no doubt caused by the guys trying to convince you to take a break and actually eat something that didn’t come from a vending machine, so with a sigh, you get off your bed and unlock the door.

Unbeknownst to you, Alex stopped banging on the door roughly half an hour ago, and she’d been put on update duty; sending pictures and telling Zabdiel–who would then tell the others–how things were going on their end. Zabdiel did the same, although he still sent you messages every half hour or so. By the end of your five-hour study session, you swear there would be little grooves on your door from where one of the girls’ bracelets or rings hit. Checking your phone for the notifications, you’re mildly impressed to see the number of messages and missed calls you got, most of them from Erick and Chris. Probably something about your unhealthy habits, but really, you’re not about to listen to them; those two were sometimes worse than you after all.

And that’s how, ninety minutes later, you went back to your room after a somewhat excruciating–but delicious–dinner. As she came from a family that put a premium on academic achievement, Alex was the most sympathetic to your wanting to spend the rest of the night studying, though she was quick to tell you to not “study until you pass out” again. Slipping on a stolen hoodie (probably Christopher’s judging by how it wasn’t too baggy on you), you put on your studying playlist and get lost in your textbooks, a feat more difficult than it would seem.

The hours pass in a blur of flash cards, ink smudges, notes scrawled messily in the margins of a page, and several breaks for you to pop the knuckles of your hand when it feels like it’s about to cramp up from writing so much. By the time you finish, it’s already nearing eleven in the evening, and judging by the lack of noise from beyond your door, the others were already asleep or out. (E/c) eyes glance over the mess on your desk, papers and books and pens strewn around your laptop. You then glance over to the vanity-turned-extra-desk-space in front of your bed, brows furrowing at the mess. Not really the most ideal set-up, especially when everything you needed had to be within arm’s reach, but you could fix it later on. Or once your tests are over, something that seems more likely than the former.

Stretching your limbs, you let out a yawn before your eyes fall upon your phone, a notification light blinking to alert you of, well, unseen notifications. Placing your thumb over the home button for it to acknowledge your fingerprint, you rub your eyes with the other hand as your phone unlocks to show everything you’ve missed.

Thirty missed WhatsApp calls from the guys.

Several puns from Erick telling you to stay hydrated and take care of yourself.

Memes from both Chris and Erick that are related to the subjects you currently had.

Khan Academy videos from Zabdiel and Joel.

And finally, a group selfie from Richard, with all of them looking like kicked puppies. You have no idea who came up with the caption, but you were sure the dorks were trying to guilt you into studying and looking after your health. As much as you wanted to deny it, the fact that they all cared enough to spam your phone with messages telling you to take care of yourself warmed your heart. Needless to say, that picture gets saved to your gallery, where you’ll keep it to look at every time you needed a reminder to look after yourself it’ll stagnate and probably end up buried under the copious amount of memes and videos you save from your chats with the guys.

Noticing that your phone’s about to die–you both love and hate them for spamming it, because that meant your battery got drained quicker than it normally did–, you snag one of the many phone chargers on your bedside table, plugging it into the socket behind your table lamp and leaving it there. Next, you stretch some more before you pad over to your bathroom, fully intent on taking a shower before falling asleep. Hey, you might even get the chance to try out that new body wash you and Joel got from Lush the last time you hung out with him.

You step out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, shea butter-scented steam wafting into your room. Mental note to self, (Y/N): thank Joelito next time you see him, because shea butter smells so good. Plus it felt great on your skin, a bonus that usually came with the skincare products you bought. Yes, where most people bought skincare stuff for the sake of making their skin better, you buy the stuff because it smells good. After you wring out the excess water with a towel, you plonk down on the stool in front of the bathroom counter, a hairbrush in one hand and the hair dryer in another. Five minutes is all it takes for your hair to be just a little damp, and you set the dryer down to brush your hair until it’s no longer wet. Once that’s done, you brush your teeth and rush through the five step skin regime that Iana and Joel set up for you. Yeesh.

By the time your head hits the pillow, you don’t bother with anything aside from getting the blanket over your head as sleep claims you. Too bad you’re not getting the uninterrupted eight hours of sleep you wanted.

CYOA: Pick Your Boy

Christopher Velez:

maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you to set one of the most iconic songs in your music library as his ringtone

but really, Sk8r Boi was the song for him

YES IT’S BC HE’S AN ACTUAL SKATER

plus it was the first song you two ever jammed out to, so it’s got a special spot in your friendship

ANYWAY

as much as you love Avril Lavigne, you weren’t fond of waking up to the guitar riff you always played when you got your hands on an electric guitar

honestly you were tempted to let it go to voicemail because DAMN IT BRYANT, YOU WERE SLEEPY

but you figured that Chris wouldn’t call you at fuck knows what time in the morning if there wasn’t a reason

so you pick up, pulling the micro-USB connector from your phone’s charging port before pressing it into your ear, half your face smooshed into your pillow

“Nena!”

now normally the hyper ball known as Christopher Velez wouldn’t annoy you by simply saying one word, but… you were tired

so you grunt before speaking. 

“Hola, Chris.”

bear in mind you were rudely awakened by his ringtone playing, so you’re not in the best mood rn

but he deadass doesn’t pick up on it

so he’s babbling on and on, switching between Spanish and English way too quickly for your still-sleepy mind to comprehend

just as you’re about to yawn, he stops mid-sentence

“(Y/N)? Cuál es tu color favorito?”

you actually yawn while he’s asking, and it takes a second or so for you to realize he asked for your favorite color

“Uhh (f/c),” you say, yawning right after.

he doesn’t say much to you after, and you’re about to let the background noise from his end lull you to sleep

HA SIKE

just as you close your eyes, he makes this triumphant little noise that wakes you up again

and really, you don’t want to rain on his parade (even if he’s keeping you from your precious sleep), so you pull the phone away to let a tiny groan out

(Y/N) wants sleep

pero Christopher, el loco, just had to call you. smh

once you press the phone back to your ear, you barely just get the tail end of what he was saying

and really, you missed the guys (and Chris’ crazy laugh, but shh), but you needed sleep

so you yawn again before interrupting him

“Dude, I miss you and all, pero estoy cansado, chico.”

on one hand, he feels bad. but on the other, your sleepy voice is hella cute so… he has no regrets.

maybe a little guilt bc he knows you needed sleep to help with your test

so he’s all like “Ah, lo siento conejito. Go back to sleep, si? Just call me after your test!”

too bad you fell asleep in the middle of his apology lmao

he was waiting for a verbal response, but then he heard a snore

headass wanted to record it for blackmail purposes but nah

so he just hung up

gracias mucho, Christopher

(Y/N)’s circadian rhythm salutes you

also you called him as soon as school let out so you could tell him you did decent on the test

when you got it back, you sent him a picture. perfect score, hell yes.

lowkey you had to beg him not to post it on his IG. it’d be awkward af, plus it’d fuel some rumors that really wouldn’t be good for anyone

Richard Camacho:

okay, so you really had to set a punk rock song for this somewhat emo lil bish’s ringtone

but rn, you’re regretting it

no, Ronnie Radke, (Y/N) (L/N) doesn’t know why good girls go for bad guys now please shut it

it really suited Richuki tbh, what with him definitely pulling off the bad boy daddy dom look, but goddamnit it was loud

also Good Girls Bad Guys was the first Falling In Reverse song he ever listened to (courtesy of your emo phase that didn’t quite end, just turned lowkey) and he liked it

2012 (Y/N) is thrilled that 2018 (Y/N) has a friend who’s willing to listen to punk rock with her, even if said friend is a bit of a flirt

so he calls you around 4 am your time

you’re still a lil grumpy, but since you were in NREM 1, you woke up pretty easily

doesn’t mean you’re happy about it though

adios eight hours of uninterrupted sleep

but you figure this would happen sooner or later, especially since you and the guys have this sibling-like dynamic now

you pick up ofc, bc you’re already awake and you really don’t like sending any of your friends to voicemail

and he’s just surprised you picked up

there’s a little tremor in his voice and it makes you worry because you’ve never known his voice to not be even because of anything other than anger

or so you thought

now that he sounds upset, you’re a little more awake than before

“Que pasa?”

you usually switch between Spanish and English when talking to them, and it stays that way no matter how sleepy you are

there’s silence on his end for a while, and while it does make you worry more, it makes you a lot sleepier

you swear you’re about to fall asleep before he speaks up again

“No es nada. Just go back to sleep, okay?”

as tempted as you are to do just that, you’re not about to. bitchass had the guts to call you before dawn and make you worry before saying it was nothing? nuh-uh

you love sleep, but you love your friends (and your hobbies) more

“Don’t give me that bullshit Camacho.”

using his last name? he screwed up, and Richard knows it

he’s kinda quiet on the other end though, and you! don’t! like! it!

“Yashel? Richuki? C'mon man, what’s wrong?”

blame it on the fact that it’s like 4 am, that’s the only reason you’re being a softie rn

“It’s nothing. Sorry for waking you.” And then headass fucking hangs up

much to your chagrin

THE AUDACITY

he calls you before the asscrack of dawn, makes you worry, then decides that it’s nothing before hanging up on you? R U D E 

like, screw the fact that you only had four or so hours of sleep, something was up with Richard and you’re determined to find out what

so, against your better judgement, you call him

he picks up bc headass didn’t set a different ringtone for you even if you’re friends hmph

“What happened?” literally no hesitation or beating around the bush here; if something was wrong, then you sure as hell wanted to know about it, especially since he called you

“It’s nothing (Y/N). You have a test tomorrow, just go sleep.” and then he hangs up on you AGAIN

by this point you’re cranky and mildly insulted, so you plug your phone back in to charge before you go back to sleep

you didn’t wake up in the best mood that day, ngl

lil bit snappy, kinda sassier than usual

basically your mood was like Joel’s every time he was on Twitter

the bad mood followed you all the way through your test, and it was pretty obvious from how tightly you were holding onto your pen

after school, though, you call him again and hope he doesn’t hang up on you

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong now?”

“Am I a good dad?”

oof this was not something you were prepared for

“The hell are you talking about? You’re a better dad than most are, man.”

as it turns out, he misses Aaliyah and worries that he’s not doing the best he can as a father

and you’re like “???” because the fact that he and Yocelyn are co-parenting means that he’s doing his best

especially given that he’s away on tours and doing promo stuff a lot

and he’s slowly spiraling into this really dark space and you! refuse! to! let! it! happen!

“Dude, listen to me. Yes you’re not around as much as you want to, and yes you may miss some parts of her life, but look at it this way: you’re making an effort to be part of her life, and that’s way more than I can say for most of the guys who accidentally knock up their girlfriend. So chill, okay?”

soft hours have been extended all bc Richuki doubted himself :((

by the end of the call, he’s feeling a lot better

“Gracias, nena.”

“De nada, dude. Next time though? Don’t call me sounding all upset and shit and then hang up.”

he laughed at that, but then apologized, so you’re not annoyed at him anymore

lowkey you’re considering changing his ringtone but… nah

Zabdiel de Jesus

if there was anyone of the guys you thought would know not to call you when you’re supposed to be asleep, it’d be Zabdiel

but nOPE

he called you probably thirty minutes after you fell asleep

and even if Britney Spears is a guilty pleasure, you don’t want to wake up to Womanizer blaring from your phone

sorry Elodie

but it’s blaring and you’re rudely awakened and now you’re sleepily squinting/glaring at the stupid thing as if it would make it stop. it doesn’t.

so now you’re picking it up because damn it, what the fuck could Zabdiel want?

you yawn as you accept the call, laying on your side so you don’t have to hold the phone to your ear

“Que?”

you didn’t expect to hear loud ass bass and what was probably a party on the other end

but you did

and now you’re trying to keep yourself from cussing at him. you two weren’t that close yet, and no way were you going to risk offending someone because they called you at lord knows what time in the morning.

so you take a page out of his book and take several breaths to calm yourself before repeating the question

“Cometí un error,” he groans, and you’re so tempted to just yeet your phone away because fucking hell, he’s drunk! or somewhat intoxicated.

either way, you are not in the right state of mind to speak to a drunk person

“¿Qué hiciste?“ It’s a struggle to not let the annoyance in your voice show, but you barely even manage to hide it. Thankfully, he’s too drunk to notice.

“I screwed up, (Y/N).” The way he says it is almost too pathetic and you sigh.

“Si, you said that. What happened?” There’s mumbling on his end and all you could make out is a name: Gwen. it takes a while before you piece it together, and you facepalm once the puzzle pieces slot together.

he was upset about his ex

his ex that, according to rumors, he cheated on

and then, for some reason, he figured you were the best person to talk to? okay, not the best person, but one of the first people he should call. 

you were not equipped for this. nuh-uh.

“Zabdi, that was a whole year ago. Hell, maybe even more.” Really, you wanted to ask why the fuck he was thinking about this now

it’s been a Y E A R

“I really liked her,” he continues slurring into the phone, and you muffle a groan with your hand. did befriending an entire boyband mean that you had to listen to them talk about their exes even if it’s been a year? even if they were probably the cause behind the breakup in the first place?

can you resign from being their friend now? (you say this despite knowing you wouldn’t go through with it. you love the dorks too much)

“Zab, you can’t do anything about it now.” You’re trying to be a nice and comforting voice of reason, you really are, but damn it the bass is too loud and you still have a test later in the day

you don’t know what’s happening on his end, but you think you hear something that sounds suspiciously like a sob

cue another eye roll

“Escúchame, Zabdiel. It’s in the past, si? Nothing you can do about it other than learn from your mistake and no lo hagas de nuevo. Lo tengo?”

there’s a bit of scuffling on the other end, and your brows furrow. the hell was happening?

you get an answer when Clara’s voice comes through, and you blink. huh, guess they were bringing him back to the hotel. or his room, who knows.

“Lo siento (Y/N), the rest of the guys thought he went off with a girl,” she explains, and you muffle a yawn.

“It’s okay, Clara. Just–”yawn, “Make sure he doesn’t puke or something. G’night.”

you hang up before she does, plugging your phone back in before you finally conk out again

during dinner that evening, you ask the girls how to deal with a friend who’s an emotional drunk, just so you’re prepared for the next time he calls you when intoxicated.

after that, you send him a few feel-good texts. mostly stuff that siblings would send each other, so you’re really living up to the familial nature your friendship has begun to take on

Joel Pimentel:

just so we’re clear, the only reason you call Joel more than any of the other guys is because he rarely checks his messages, groupchats or otherwise

that said, you’re surprised when, instead of the first of your alarms, The A Team plays from your phone

it’s weird that he’s the one calling you and not the other way around, but you shrug it off

at least he’s calling around the time of your first alarm

“What,” you deadpan into the phone

“When the fuck were you going to tell me you were at the Infinity War premiere.”

whatever it is you were expecting to hear, this ain’t it folks

“Uhh… never?”

and cue a cranky Joelito ranting about you getting to be there and not telling him so he could’ve tried to get tickets 

to which you needed to cut him off

“Bitch, my parents got tickets. Besides, my godfather invited us.”

“Who’s your godfather?”

and cue the silence

“I’m not allowed to say.”

“W H O .”

it goes from this to you deflecting the topic until you decide to bring up your test.

he knows you’re trying to change the topic, but he’s going along with it. he’s been there before.

you start spewing out random facts, both to keep his mind from going back to anything Marvel-related and so you can see how much you remembered from last night’s study session

for the most part, it works.

Joel’s listening to you talk about facts, and every now and then he’d interject with a question, to which you quickly launch into an explanation that spawns even more questions from him

and so you two talk through the next two alarms you set, with you explaining concepts that would probably (hopefully please please please) show up on the test later

“You think I’m going to pass?”

“Hey, if I understood that because you managed to explain it to me, I’m pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, unless it doesn’t show up on the test.”

“… Don’t jinx yourself.”

you two hang up around the same time, and you’re in a considerably good mood considering he called you to ask how you managed to be at the Infinity War premiere

also it’s shocking how you two didn’t sass each other much during it

come to think of it, what time was it there when he called?

meh, you’ll figure out later. right now, you have to get ready for school, and that uniform tie isn’t going to tie itself.

#privateschoollife

ANYWAY, you get to school and shit, breeze through most of your classes until last period

DUN DUN DUN

test time

you’re shaking with nerves bc the teacher for this one is notorious for giving college-level tests to his AP classes

and even if he’s been your teacher for the past three years, you’re still terrified of failing any of his tests

but one look at the questions had you breathing a sigh of relief.

those were the things you explained to Joelito! you were going to pass!

ngl, you nyoom through the multiple choice questions and double check your math for the ones that need calculations

once school lets out for the day, you find a nice, secluded area near the botanical garden (again, private school feels) so you could call Joel and tell him you’ve got a good chance of passing the test

but when he picks up he sounds groggy af

oh, how the tables have turned

but you’re sympathetic bc he needs to look pretty; his face is one of his main selling points after all

“Hi, sorry I woke you, but I think I’m definitely gonna pass. Thanks for a while ago, bye, love you dude! Get some more sleep!”

how you managed to say that in one breath, no one has any idea.

meanwhile Joel’s just staring at his phone in confusion before realizing you thanked him for helping you recall what you studied

you two didn’t acknowledge the “love you” that got dropped in that quick, minute-long call and you never will

later that night, he calls you again because he saw another picture of you at a Marvel premiere

and this time, you two sass each other until you fall asleep

sass buddies til the end of the line

unlike Steve and Bucky BC THE END OF THE LINE WAS APPARENTLY A CHANCE TO TIME TRAVEL

anyway

it’s back to your regular, sassy program with (Y/N) and Joel. except for when tests come along, especially midterms and finals.

you two have late night calls just for him to help you study

Erick Brian Colon:

after a bit of shifting around in your bed so you can comfortably nestle in your blankets, you finally drift off to sleep, dreaming of getting an Academy Award in the future

as you were about to accept said award, the dream gets shattered when the fucking Guachineo begins to play

along with the shattering of that dream (because damn it, it’s been a near constant goal since you were a kid) comes a rude awakening not even thirty minutes after you fell asleep

as much as you loved Erick (PLATONICALLY), you were going to throttle him, pretty eyes or not

at least, that was the plan until you hear his voice

who knew someone could sound so shaken up over the phone?

okay that was rude and insensitive af but you weren’t expecting this

he literally sounded like he was about to cry, and damn it, this was the baby! this was little bebito Erick on the phone sounding like he’s about to cry and you’re not going to hang up on him.

to be fair, you wouldn’t hang up on any of your friends, but least of all Erick.

so in the sleepy voice you swore never to let anyone but the rest of your squad hear, you yawn out a “Que pasa?”

he’s practically sniffling, and even if he doesn’t quite want you to hear him cry, you’re one of the first people he thought to call, especially since the guys were out at the club 

“Extraño a mi familia,” he admits, voice shaking and you just want to wrap the guy in a blanket and cuddle him.

sure you don’t really get homesick much since you don’t live far from your parents, but it’s a wholly different thing for Erick

for one thing, he has a tight bond with his family. for another, he was what, 14 or 15 when CNCO was formed. it was probably the first time he was away from them for a long period of time, and sometimes, it didn’t get easier to bear with the passage of time

“No llora, bebito.” You’re trying to comfort him and all but you’re not exactly the best person to go to when you need emotional support. Hell, you can barely support yourself emotionally.

which brings you to the question: why me

and why when you had a quiz the next day

but this was Erick. not only was he your fellow group baby, but he was little bebito as well

you’re not about to let him be upset like this, not when you could do something about it

one problem though: you have no idea what to do about it. nice.

thankfully, he keeps talking.

as it turns out, it’s not just homesickness he’s dealing with

it’s also the pressure he puts on himself to be as good as the rest of the guys are

to be as charming as Chris, as good of a dancer as Richard, as intellectual as Joel and Zabdiel

and suddenly, you get where he’s coming from. mostly

it’s like an inferiority complex, but also, not really

as the youngest, you two had the most to prove

you two had the most expectations ahead of you

so it’s natural that you’ll end up pressuring yourselves to meet and exceed those expectations

now you know what to do, BUT you don’t know what to say

“It’s okay to feel like that, bebito,” you start, sitting up and pulling your knees to your chest. “Pero you need to remember that you don’t have to be like them. Dejaste de competir con otros when you guys won La Banda. Now, the only competition you need to worry about is yourself, si?”

you really want to baby him, especially with how soft and watery his voice sounds over the phone, but you know he’s not going to like it

as the youngest, you two end up being babied by those who know you as a member of your respective groups

and it gets annoying after some time because you just want to be treated like an adult

so you’re not going to baby him completely

you kind of stick to a soft voice the whole time you two talk

and when you feel a yawn coming on, you muffle it with your hand bc you don’t want him to feel bad

it takes a while before you ask how he’s feeling

but when he says that he’s feeling better, you immediately feel relieved

not just bc this meant you’ll be able to sleep soon, but bc it meant he wasn’t as upset anymore

a crying and upset friend always made your heart sad, but a crying and upset Erick? you were half-tempted to book a flight to wherever they were and give him a hug, exam be damned

“Gracias mucho, nena.”

“You promise you’re okay now?”

“Si. Good night, (Y/N).”

Yawn. “Good night, bebito.”

so you go back to sleep, then wake up when your alarms go off

the school day passes by in a blur, but you’re hurrying to go home bc you wanted to check in on him via FaceTime

so you do, but he doesn’t pick up

instead you just leave him a message in his voicemail

hopefully he listens to it bc as his fellow group baby, he needed to know that you were gonna be there for him when he can’t share stuff with the other guys

literally though, he’s the only one to always bring out your soft side.

but at least you love the dork.

[huangels]

eleven questions tag ☼

tagged by: @lstkpopflsgood ty babe !

rules: answer the eleven questions if you’re tagged, and then list another set of eleven questions for the people you tag to answer!

⇢ What do you think it could win on a battle: Water or Fire?

ever since i was little, i’ve ALWAYS wanted to touch fire…and i have once (well almost). i stuck my hands into a fire place when i was like 5 y/o ? but my mom saved me before my hand can touch the fire. anyway, weird ass story aside, i love fire but i guess it depends on the amount. like if there was an equal amount of both elements, then maybe water would win but it all comes down to the science of it because if the amount of fire is vast and of high enough temperature enough, it can evaporate the water quickly into steam which means it wins. but if there’s a small fire and a whole firetruck (wHOOP WHOOP) hose then of course the water wins. i would call it a draw, both elements are super powerful.

⇢ What do you love and hate the most? and why?

love — ok you’d think i’m exaggerating but i’m gonna say renjun. he’s my bias for a reason, he’s my ult of all ults foR A REASON. of course i mean he’s maybe not the thing i love MOST in the world but there’s just so much to love and appreciate i have for renjun. he’s beautiful and ethereal, he has so many cute features about him, like his snaggletooth (rip), and his dimple, and the two front teeth that kinda stick out, and his birthmark/mole on his hand. he’s also amazingly talented and caring (even when putting members in chokeholds). i just love him so much :’)

hate — hate is a strong word and i like to live my life without using the word hate too much so there isn’t really anything that i hate but for the sake of this question and this tag, i would say that i dislike slow walkers (maybe not the most but) they’re really annoying, especially if they’re walking in the middle of the sidewalk or hallway like hELLO people (me) have places to go.

⇢ Do you thing it’s really necessary for us to live with another person? To have a couple life?

honestly, there are many people that live their life without a significant other (wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend), so no i don’t think it’s necessary. a person can find love within other people and things without having to date or marry anyone. for example, love shared by friendship or families or pets or hobbies even. i mean it’s different for everyone too, some want the love shared in a romantic relationship. but it’s definitely not necessary to have a significant other. it’s whatever makes one happy that they should pursue it.

⇢ Are animals better than humans?

i don’t know if they are any better but they aren’t any worse than humans. of course, some might think that yes, animals are better and have more morals or something but that’s mostly because we have yet to discover or invent technology to understand animals. so it seems as if they are portrayed to be pure and innocent though it is nature and predators feed on prey and prey feed on plants that are needed for oxygen. so i don’t really know the answer but i do know that humans are corrupt in a way that animals are not.

⇢ Do you have a favorite something? If yes, what is it and why?

this is so broad my three brain cells are working hard to try to find an answer but i’ve got nothing so i’m gonna be boring and say my favorite animal is a dog bc they are precious and pure and deserve the world

⇢ What is your favorite music? Why?

i don’t particularly have a favorite genre of music, i mostly listen to what sounds pleasing to my ears ? but i do have a ‘style’ of music that i lean towards more and that is more pumped up/groovy/funky/unique/etc songs (ex: romance - shinee, fallin - mx, get it - tbz, monday blues - cbx, pretty boy - taemin, thunder - exo, etc.) it might seem like a weird description but basically songs that aren’t too slow or too fast, songs that have unique beats or melodies or lyrics. i don’t particularly like slow sad songs because it makes me kinda…sad ? like if i listen to sad or slow music, i just get emotional and think too much idk anyway. i prefer more upbeat songs because it’s like a dance party everywhere i go. (i still listen to sad music anyway bc [REAL EMO HOURS] also listen to baby by the rose thnx)

⇢ If you read, what is your favorite book?

i’m gonna be quite honest here…i haven’t read a book that i wanted to read (like picked out at the library or bought) in like years… i’ve just haven’t had the time to read books lately and the books i do read are for my classes or for reports that i didn’t particularly pick out for myself. but from the books i’ve read through my life, i really enjoy reading mysteries, thrillers, and sci-fi books. a good favorite of mine is ‘american pyscho’ (i love really fucked up shit i’m weird don’t judge) but i also like the book ‘the bell jar’ (also kinda fucked up story). i guess that’s what prompted me in my interest in writing mysteries or thrillers but i don’t have much experience in it so i’ll stick with fluffy short fics for now

⇢ Where do you would like to visit/live in?

i really looooove traveling !! though i haven’t traveled to that many places, i’d love to visit literally everywhere, doesn’t matter if there’s barely anything to do. living wise, if we’re being realistic, probably texas because real estate is cheaper and basically everything is cheaper, but if we’re pushing money and bills aside, probably back to china, up north somewhere idk lol ?

⇢ What is your zodiac sign? Talk a little about it and say if it fits you or not.

my zodiac is scorpio, and honestly i don’t know much about astrology except for the sprinkles of zodiac posts i see on instagram or tumblr sometimes. but from what i’ve seen around, scorpios are supposed to be sex driven, mysterious, cold, and bitchy, and i don’t think i fit into any of those traits lol. but my friend, who’s a big astrology nerd, says that my appearance is the LITERAL definition of a scorpio (idk what he meant so i just went along with it). i mean i guess i get it kinda ? bc my outer appearance is kinda cold and i’ve been told i have a resting bitch face so if i don’t smile then i look angry or mean (so i try to smile more now heh). but if there’s any other traits you guys know about scorpios, feel free to tell me bc i’d like to know !

⇢ What you think it’s your funniest moment til now?

my life is just a big fat boring so this took a while to think of (idk if this is the funniest bc i have the memory of a goldfish) but recently about a few weeks ago, i went to this cafe to have lunch with my friend and as we were eating my fucking statistics professor came in and my friend points it out to me. i didn’t know if i should say hi or not bc i didn’t know if she knows who i even am (bc i rarely attended that class since attendance wasn’t mandatory and math is my good subject) so i just ignored her. then she sat down at the table RIGHT NEXT TO MINE and then the fucking TA’s for the stats lab joined her and it was just hella awkward bc i think the TA’s remember me (long story short i was late for my final bc a bitch slept in and i basically begged while knocking continuously on the window for the TA to let me into the lab to take the final and they did eventually) so anyway i think they remembered me but i still didn’t want to say hi. my professor got up later and i thought they were gonna leave and i can finally breathe but then SHE FUCKING WALKS UP TO OUR TABLE AND ASKS MY FRIEND IF SHE CAN TAKE A PHOTO OF HER AND THE TA’S and at that point, i was about to scream. so my friend took the photo and i STILL didn’t say hi even though i SHOULD’VE then. and the whole thing was a mess and it wasn’t funny then but looking back at it now, i’m laughing my damn ass off at myself

⇢ Milk before cereals or cereals before milk?

if you pour your milk before your cereal, i’m gonna push you down a well and leave you there to rot

questions for you:

what is the first memory you remember? like from birth or when you were young?

what is the line between art and not art?

what job would you be terrible at? why?

what is your zodiac sign? talk a little about it and say if it fits you or not.

when people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?

what age do you wish you could permanently be? why?

who is you ideal boy/girl? describe him/her if you can’t think of a person (list physical traits and characteristic traits).

what’s the most annoying question people ask you? why do you find it annoying? how do you usually answer them?

can money = happiness?

as the only human left on earth, what would you do?

what is your guilty pleasure? why is it your guilty pleasure and what sparked it to be your guilty pleasure?

tagging: @ohdaddy-nct @jaeehyuns @hyucko @jencto @jeno-screaming (only if you guys want to !! ) + anyone else who wants to do it :^]

[theghostofashton]

“don’t say that.”

yeah um. today sucked. this is major projection, based off a couple things i read on @bisexualgawsten (i made a post with screenshots if you want to see it. it’s the last thing i posted. but anyway yall should follow them if you don't lmao i have their notifs on bc i check their blog too many times a day to be considered healthy)

but yeah heavy depression and anxiety trigger warnings i'm sorry

Geoff's been gone for over three hours.

He said he'd be back in two. He said he was just going out with some old friends for dinner and he wouldn't be gone long. Have a couple beers, catch up, he'd be back before Awsten knew it- And Awsten swallowed hard at that part. He remembers how thick the saliva felt in his throat, sticky, clinging onto his windpipe as it slid downward and made a bed for the nausea to lay on.

He knows Geoff drinks. He's seen him drunk too many times to count. Even before they started dating, whenever they'd go out to parties or end up at the occasional bar, Geoff would get caught up in all the action and pressured into taking more shots than he planned to and end up completely inebriated. It's not new. It's not different. He's done it so many times before and everything's been fine.

It feels different tonight.

Tonight, there's a blurry fog over him, a permanent fixture of shower steam over his eyes. It's the kind of shower that doesn't feel cleansing. It's traveling in swirls up his back and each one peels back a layer from his chest, one by one until the only thing that's separating the wrecking ball from slamming into his heart are his ribs, shaking in his chest cavity as they try to hold themselves up.

The pain is a paintball that's long splattered. It coats the wall of his skull thickly, dripping down in a constant flow, like droplets collecting on the edges of a water bottle. There's always something there when the bottle is turned upside down, always one more droplet to fall and sink and absorb into his body to sprout a new pain plant.

Tonight makes every other bad night this week seem like heaven.

Tonight he thinks about everything, thinks back to the aching eyes and tearstained cheeks and crack that had formed in his heart, how it got bigger and bigger as more pain funneled in, filled it up until he felt like he was bursting. The ache was so big, it was so much – he didn't think it was possible for one human being, one body to hurt like this. Tonight he thinks about staring straight ahead, about the home he made amongst the tangled sheets and rumpled covers and damp pillowcases, about looking at the wall but not really seeing it. It was like the worst x-ray vision ever, being able to see through and inside and imagine, look through his life through that shower steam filter, like he was floating while everything else zoomed past.

Tonight he thinks about Geoff and how he's finally out of the house, out with his friends, out with people who don't have devastation and disappointment and depression. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington, who laughs obnoxiously at stupid jokes and drinks beer and lets no traces of it's gonna be okay, love. I'm here for you spill from his mouth. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington who doesn't have a useless sack of flesh waiting for him at home, Geoff Wigington who gets to be Geoff Wigington, gets to take a break from Awsten's Caretaker, for a night.

He knows Geoff is tired of it. He has to be. It's gotten particularly bad in the past few months. The experts say at least one depressive episode constitutes major depressive disorder. He's had two in the past month. Weeks straight of not being able to drag himself out of bed, not being able to get his ass up and go on any of the cute dates Geoff had planned, fly to LA to record songs, start working on ideas for the new music video...weeks straight of not being able to do anything except lay there and let the hornets drill into his bones until he was nothing but hollow, let them pierce his skin and settle themselves among the holes they've made. He was defenseless and he was invaded and they've spread like a disease.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery in almost that amount of minutes from how many times he's checked it. It's been three hours and he doesn't know what's going on because Geoff is the type of person that texts him all the time, especially when he's like this. He can't lie back and stare at the wall unless he throws his phone on the floor because it's constantly lighting up with messages, 'I love yours' or cute selfies or teases of a surprise (usually food) Geoff's bringing home that night. Geoff's a great texter.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery from how many times he's checked it.

What if he's gone-

"Stop." The word feels like knives cutting up his throat. He hasn't used his voice all day, feels like.

What if he left you-

"S-Shut up."

What if he finally had enough of your shit what if he's gone what if he left you what if he's done for good what if he's gone forever what if you were too much for him what if you were too much for him what if you were too fucking much for him-

"N-No!" He sits up with a start. The breaths are coming fast. Too fast. He can't keep up. They happen in quick succession. He presses the heels of his hands into the mattress and gasps his way through the series of pants.

He's gone he left you he had enough that's why he hasn't called that's why he hasn't texted that's why he isn't back yet he's gone he left you he's had enough you're too much for him too much too much too fucking much you drive everyone away you don't let anyone love you what the fuck is wrong with you why can't you let someone love you why do you have to be such a depressed piece of shit all the time-

He flops back down to the bed and turns his face into the pillows as the tears really start. They soak warmly against the fabric and move, slimy, against his face. He can't stop shaking. The room is spinning around him. It's the worst roller coaster ever and he wants to get off.

He bites his lip and tries to hold a sob back. It balls up at the exit of his mouth, sends out sparks and flames and ignites his entire body. He has no choice but to let it slip.

He wants Geoff. He needs Geoff. He needs the arms around his torso and the chest to bury his head into, the hands rubbing at his back and kisses against his temple. He needs Geoff's fingers buried in his hair, the rubs at his scalp that – on some days – are the only reason he gets to sleep, the scent that wraps around him, tendrils warming up every part of his body on the numb days. He needs Geoff he needs Geoff he needs Geoff-

He knows why. He gets it. He understands. Being with someone like him is like having a burden instead of a boyfriend. He's sad all the time and writes too many depressing lyrics and gets angry a lot and overreacts to everything; he never wants to leave the house and hates being social and gets anxious in the places there is absolutely nothing to be anxious about. Being with him is like dating the largest case file in the world. He's a sack of flesh with too many problems and a head that won't shut up and it annoys even him most days.

He doesn't blame Geoff.

He wouldn't want to be with him either.

...

He curses loudly as he drops his key, scrambles to grab it and press it into the lock once more.

He's never been in a traffic jam that bad. It was bumper to bumper with absolutely no movement – he probably could've gotten out of his car and walked home faster – and it went on for over three exits on the highway. The restaurant his friends chose was a fair drive; it wasn't too far, but it did involve getting onto the highway and driving for a bit. He thought they'd be done before the road started to get clogged, but to their luck, it ended up being the polar opposite.

He finally pushes the door open and steps inside, immediately reaches down to unlace and toe off his shoes. He hangs his jacket on their coatrack and unwraps the scarf from around his neck.

"Awsten? Sweetheart, hey, you still up?"

His heart is throbbing. It's pulsating new waves of pain by the second. The signal was so bad and the drive was so long and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did, a cocktail of consequences that culminated with him not being able to reach Awsten and tell him what was going on.

He hopes he didn't worry too much.

"Aws?" He lowers his voice in case Awsten is sleeping, walks through the apartment and into their shared bedroom. And then he stops.

He can hear it. Tiny whimpers and choked sobs are coming from their bed. The blankets are tangled and tossed together in a way that completely eclipses Awsten from view. All Geoff knows is that he's crying. "Fuck, sunshine, what's wrong?"

The next few moments unfold so fast that he barely registers them.

Awsten practically falls out of bed and runs the short distance to connect them, jumps up – and Geoff thanks whoever is up there at this very moment for his quick reflexes – and into his arms. He buries his face in his shoulder and wraps his legs around his waist with a gasping sob, and then he's crying again.

And Geoff's own heart feels like Awsten just took a hammer and smashed it to smithereens. He rubs Awsten's back and holds him tightly. "Easy, easy love. You're okay. Try to breathe. Whatever's wrong, we can fix it, I promise."

He lets Awsten down a couple seconds later, but takes him into his arms as soon as his feet touch the ground. Awsten wraps his arms around his neck and he moves his to Awsten's waist, bringing him as close as physically possible without completely crushing him. "I'm here, I'm right here, angel. What happened? Talk to me. What's got you this upset?"

Awsten doesn't answer. He moves one hand up to his back, just below the blades of his shoulders, and starts to rub. Awsten's hair is tickling his nose and poking at the corners of his mouth and he puckers his lips, pressing a kiss to the soft strands. "I can't help you if I don't know, love. What happened?"

"I-I-" Awsten hiccups and lifts his face to meet his eyes. "I thought you left."

"Left?" If this is going where he thinks it is...

"Me," Awsten spits out. "You said two hours and then it was three and you wouldn't answer and you didn't text me like you always do and I just- thought you didn't want me anymore." He pauses. His voice is choked. "That you'd finally given up on me?" He phrases it as a question and goes silent afterward, stares up at Geoff with his bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks and quivering lip.

"Awsten..." He trails off with a shake of his head. He knew. He knew this would happen. He knows Awsten's anxiety too well for him to not have seen this. He knew Awsten would worry, he knew that his mind doesn't do well with worry and skyrockets things with completely plausible explanations to mythological heights. He pulls his hand from Awsten's back and moves both to cup his cheeks, to keep Awsten looking him in the eye. "Sunshine, I would never. I love you, okay? I love you with everything in my heart. You're the love of my life. I would never leave you. I never want to." He takes a breath and rubs his fingers along Awsten's jawbones. "I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me, I promise."

"I just- you didn't- you usually, I-" Awsten stammers. "I'm sorry."

"We finished in two hours," he explains. "And then I hit so much traffic on the way back, angel, I promise I would've texted you if I could. But my phone didn't have signal because it was a dead zone and it was bumper to bumper for three exits straight. It was a mess. I promise you, swear on my life, I would've texted you if I could."

He knows what Awsten needs. He's been doing this long enough to memorize it. No amount of reassurance is enough for someone with depression. The disorder is like a monster perched on your shoulder, digging its claws into skin and pressing its words into brain, he doesn't love you he wants to leave you he already left you you don't deserve him. He knows that no matter how many times he says some things, Awsten may never believe him. He's okay with that. He'll keep saying it until it happens.

He feels the arms around his front again. Awsten presses his cheek against his chest with a whimper of finality. "I'm sorry...I just- I didn't hear from you and I assumed- fuck I'm so stupid, I'm sorry."

"Hey." He pushes Awsten back to hold him at arm's length. "Nothing about you is stupid, okay? This was just a shitty miscommunication. I love you, with all my heart. That's never going to change. I'm never going to leave you. I want you, for the rest of my life. Don't forget that."

"I just- sometimes it feels like too much," Awsten says. "Like I'm too much. And I don't want you to feel like you have to. Take care of me, yknow? 'Cause you don't. And if it ever does get to be too much...you can leave. Don't feel like you havta stay 'cause I won't be okay if you leave. I mean, I won't, but...don't let that keep you here-"

"Sunshine, stop, don't say that." He cuts Awsten off and tangles a hand through his hair. "You are not too much, okay? That's such a bullshit concept. You will never be too much. You have depression and some days are worse than others and sometimes they're all in a row, but that's part of it, love. You know that and I know that. You can't control this. You didn't ask for it. It sucks and I hate seeing you in pain, but if you think I'm going to leave you over it..."

"I just- don't you want someone easy? Someone that doesn't take this much work?" All that's left of his heart is dust. He hates hearing Awsten talk about himself like this; like he's a problem over a person. He hates knowing that this beautiful, radiant, big-hearted angel thinks so little of himself, because Awsten is just that. Beautiful. Radiant. Possessing a heart that barely fits in his body.

"I want you," he murmurs. He tilts Awsten's chin and presses their lips together. "Okay? You are all I want, for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer about anything."

[cryingbilldenbrough]

Ok for the wheelzier twins i cant help to think that they bicker over the most mundane of things like cereal then milk or milke then cereal and which came first: the chicken or the egg. The one thing that will forever be something they go head to head against is who was born first like richie thinks its him bc of some overly complicated thing like the cosmos and universe and mike thinks its him bc he has like pictures of him as a baby before richie came out but richie feels those were faked

ok so i touched on this a liiiittle in this post, but i firmly believe that richie is older and it is a defining characteristic of his and mike’s relationship (or lackthereof)

step one: richard wentworth wheeler is born, kicking and screaming his lungs out, at 11:59am on a tuesday. he’s got a full head of hair and squinty eyes

three minutes later michael theodore wheeler makes his debut. he’s already taller than richie and he cries like he’s irritated to be alive

from that moment on, it’s all downhill

nancy is what, four? so she like wants to hold “her babies” and their dad takes turns setting both boys carefully down into her outstretched arms, teaching her how to support the head

and immediately, baby richie loves nancy

baby mike is not impressed and doesn’t stop screaming until his mom takes him back

“my richie” nancy says, running a chubby finger down his cheek, and fate is Sealed

so like, the idea is that richie and nancy bond a lot throughout their childhood

cause here is the big thing: mike and richie are two different kinds of kid

richie is a geek

and mike is a nerd

and nancy wheeler is most definitely a geek

richie bonds with his big sister over schoolwork, studying math and science together

they do like, cute little science projects like building lava volcanoes in the kitchen and like digging in the mud in the backyard

richie sleeps on nancy’s floor for like a whole year when they’re eight because he and mike get in a fight over who gets top bunk on their bunk beds

he comes down to breakfast with his toenails painted and mike isn’t jealous of that but he is kind of jealous of the way nancy ruffles richie’s hair fondly

mike only gets to spend time with nancy when she humors him plays fantasy board games with him and even that’s few and far between

nancy is also the only one who really gets richie’s humor, laughing quietly into her hand at the dinner table

mike sometimes thinks they would have been better off twins rather than him and richie

mike builds the blanket fort in the basement to escape them sometimes, to curl up in the darkness and to forget that there’s supposed to be someone by his side

so mike goes out and makes friends of his own and tries to ignore how much it hurts when richie calls himself “your big brother”

cause they were supposed to be in this together, that’s what twins means

so he’s like………. super lonely……….. throughout childhood

and then! he meets will byers on the playground

and it’s the BEST DAY OF HIS LIFE

because finally, he gets someone of his own

someone who understands him the way his twin was supposed to and someone who loves him 4 him, not for preconceived notions of who he should be!

BUT will byers goes missing

and like, richie has been really distant lately so when mike comes to him, close to tears because will wasnt in school and the cops wanted to talk to him and mom and dad wont let mike go out and look for him and he doesn’t know what to do,

richie gets this weird look in his eyes

and grabs mike by the shoulders and is like

“do NOT go looking for him”

“you’re not my fucking dad, rick,” mike shoots back and like, richie looks more seriously than mike has ever seen

“i’m not joking, mikey!” richie says, shaking his brother’s shoulders “there’s bad things in this town”

mike hits his hands away angrily and stalks down to the basement to call lucas on the walkie talkie

later, mike finds out that as soon as he left richie, his brother called bill denbrough and whispered down the line how scared he was

but all mike knew then was that his twin was trying to be his Smart Big Brother again and he’s fucking grown out of that shit! he’s too old to get treated like richie’s annoying little brother!!

anyway, mike goes out and meets eleven and has another person who likes him best and suddenly he’s not sad about it anymore

he’s fucking angry

one night nancy defends richie at the dinner table, arguing with mike that richie didn’t steal his gameboy, you forgot it at school again you idiot

and they’re teaming up against him, with twin looks of distaste at mike on their faces

and mike’s HAD IT

he pushes off from the dinner table stalks up to his room and he can hear nancy’s footsteps behind him

“you always liked richie better anyway” mike says, slamming the door

nancy barges right into his room as he throws himself down onto the bottom bunk

“i dont like richie better!” she says and mike rolls his eyes into the covers

“i dont!” nancy repeats, sitting down on the corner of the bed. she reaches a hand out to touch mike’s back and he flips over to glare at her

“he should have been your twin” mike mutters and nancy sighs

suddenly she looks a lot older than mike thinks she should

“i know i spent more time with rick when we were kids than i did with you,” nancy starts “but he was such a lonely kid, mike.”

mike is silent

“you had your friends like will and dustin and lucas and richie didn’t have anyone,” 

mike’s angry now, because richie had HIM 

richie had MIKE and he didn’t think mike was GOOD ENOUGH

“it’s not your fault. you’re allowed to have favorites,” mike says, and something’s burning in his chest “richie wasn’t supposed to, though”

“what?” nancy says and mike feels tears prick at his eyes

“he was supposed to always like me best and he picked you instead”

“oh, mike,” nancy says as he cries into his hands

and it’s an old pain but it aches anyway and mike lets it flow out of him as nancy rubs his back

his eyes are dry when richie comes into their room later and he rolls over in bed so richie doesn’t try to talk to him

later, mike knows nancy told richie about it

because things are different

richie invites him and will and dustin and lucas along to go to the movies with him and his friends

(friends mike honestly didn’t notice richie making, and to be honest there’s a LOT of them)

richie takes him biking with eddie kaspbrak and bill denbrough, who mike remembers meeting when will was still presumed missing because bill was the only kid whose parents let him go along with the search party

and one night, long after everyone else has gone to sleep, mike finds richie in the basement blanket fort

(he’d been sneaking downstairs to try eleven on the walkie)

richie’s curled up against the wall and he nods at mike as he climbs down the stairs

“what are you doing up?” mike asks, folding his knees to his chest and pulling the blanket closed around them

richie looks kind of pale in the soft light

“couldn’t sleep,” he answers and mike sees the dark circles under his glasses “had a nightmare”

“you’ve been having a lot of those lately” mike observes and richie is silent

mike knows something happened last summer, while he was too busy trying to move on and make new friends, and it changed richie

he’s a little more serious now, a little more careful

“dont worry about me” richie says, putting on one of his annoying Voices “your old big bro is doing just fine”

and mike sighs

he thought they were over this but apparently not

“what?” richie says, noticing his slumped shoulders

“you’re not my big brother”

“am too,” richie argues “those three minutes without you were the best three minutes of my life” 

mike’s heard this joke before and he’s really just tired tonight

he starts to get up and richie catches his arm

“you know…” he starts, biting his lip. “you can tell me anything right?”

“i know,” mike sighs and richie just holds harder 

“you know i gotta watch out for you right?” richie says and its almost desperate? it’s almost like he needs mike to assure him he’s needed??? and mike is Not Feeling It. “thats what big brothers do”

“YOURE NOT MY BIG BROTHER” mike yells, and he knows he’s gonna wake somebody up but he doesnt care because richie just WONT GET IT

“you’ve never been my fucking older brother” and richie looks so hurt and it kind of makes mike feel good so he keeps going “you dont need to take care of me, i can fucking look after myself, you’re just a dumb trashmouth why dont u go mother one of your weird geek friends im so fucking sick of you”

and richie looks WRECKED

(richie only ever wanted mike to look up to him like richie looks up to nancy)

(he didn’t know that by trying to be mike’s confidant he was pushing him further away)

“i don’t need an older brother” mike is wrapping up, and there’s tears running down richie’s face and steaming up his glasses and mike’s crying too and gOD he really didn’t want to do this but it feels so fucking good to get it all out “i just need my twin”

richie fuckin knocks into him like a ton of bricks, wrapping his arms around mike and squeezing him tight

and they cry together, tucked into the blanket fort with only the light of a lamp shining across the basement

send me prompts/headcanons/fic requests!

[wayfaringtrainers]

Zichi played Pokémon Sword

And he is still royally pissed off!

When the drama and controversy came out regarding Pokémon Sword/Shield, I was more and more put off by it until I decided that no, I was gonna wait until I could get a second-hand copy for it...

And then people began talking about how much they loved it and how much fun they were having with it... No second-hand copies were appearing yet, so I caved to peer pressure like the little bitch I am and bought a copy.

I regret that so much. I don’t like this game, I very much loathe it.

I was planning on doing this semi-review ever since I started the game, so obviously there will be “plot” spoilers ahead for you guys. But anyway, here goes.

Let’s start with the very few things I like about this game, start on a positive note, at the very least.

Technical Records

I actually liked this concept. In the UK, we’re currently going through the “Vinyl Nostalgia Phase” as my dad calls it. The callback of ancient TMs being turned into TRs was pretty cool, and I am very glad that they made TRs infinitely collectable through Raids. My biggest grievances with old-school TMs was the limited supply you got: usually the best TMs you only ever got once, so only one Pokémon could ever learn some of the most useful and game-defining moves available. This makes a lot more moves available...

However it would be nice if I didn’t have to open Serebii every time I was looking for a specific TR, and then pray that specific pokemon from that specific den appears. If they weren’t so dependant on luck, they’d be a lot better.

(Most) New Pokemon

Wooloo for life.

But seriously, I absolutely love a lot of the designs for new Pokémon, which is rare for me, I’m usually critical and uncertain about new Pokémon. But these new Pokémon I actually really like. Corviknight is as cool as I thought, Coalossal is awesome, and although I was ambivalent about him at first, Sirfetch’d has really grown on me.

Buuuuut we’re just gonna skip over the fossil Pokémon. Because I dislike them for a variety of reasons.

However, I reckon that that’s it for things I like about the new games, so now we’re just going to get into the meat of the problems and the things that just piss me off.

Cut Content.

I don’t really have to explain any further, let’s be honest. It’s not just Dexit, it’s the cut moves that piss me off, along with the axe to Mega Evolution and Z-Crystals. I don’t really need to say much else, do I?

Raids and Gigantamax

At first, I kinda enjoyed my time with raids, I spent a load of time raiding with @pinekaboo​ and enjoying the feeling of teaming up to take down a titanic Pokémon... But after the first few days it just felt like a chore. If I wanted a particular TR, a particular Pokémon, a particular this that or other, then I would be spending hours looking up information on Serebii, trying to narrow down where to find it and then either getting the wrong Pokémon or having to spend time grinding Watts for Wish Stones or fighting in other dens to reset all the active dens. So much effort just for the god damn body slam TR.

Gigantamax meanwhile, is just... The most frustratingly pointless thing possible. Not only is it locked to post-game with some limited-time exceptions, it’s apparently banned in competitive tournaments?

Why even fucking bother with it then? I spent hours trying to find a G-Max Kingler, only to learn it’s Post-Game only. And then I spent hours trying to find/catch a GMax Butterfree, only to learn a normal Butterfree is technically better. It’s pathetic.

Apparently I’m not allowed to be angry about Gigantamax bc I’m wrong, like always.

Team Yell

Sorry guys, but Team Yell is just a poor man’s Team Skull, but even less threatening.

“Oh you like this? It’s Post-Game”

This is the second biggest Pet Peeve of mine regarding the game. I spent hours looking for a Ralts before learning that all those “15% chance spawn rates” are in foggy weather, which comes in the post-game, leaving me stuck with a 2% chance. Those “Nature Candies” are locked until post-game and apparently need an obnoxious amount of BP to unlock.

What’s particularly gregarious is the fact there’s a BP trader in that town where the dragon gym leader is met pretty early on... And you can’t get any BP until end-game.

Shut the fuck up about Leon.

I don’t care about Leon. He himself is not that annoying, but every time I hear “oh Leon’s so amazing” I wanna punch something. I’m pretty sure it’s intended to make the player feel awesome for taking him down, but it just feels like pointless pandering. Like we get it, Leon’s great. Shut the fuck up about how awesome he and his fucking Charizard is.

Charizard

Yup. Charizard gets its own spot here.

The Pokémon Company has sucked Charizard’s dick enough, I say. It got 2 Mega Evolutions and a Gigantamax, and it’s the champion’s star Pokémon, and it’s hyped up to be the best thing ever.

It was only vaguely challenging to me because I decided sweeping it with Steam Engine Coalossal would be boring. So I took it down with my Gallade.

Yes, Gallade has a type disadvantage. I didn’t really care.

Empty Team slots

The only person in this entire game to have a full team has been Leon. Every gym fight I found myself depositing Pokémon just to have a fair fight.

Plot and Pacing (or lack of it).

You’ve seen me rant about this before, but I’m going to rant about it some more.

So I really don’t like over-levelling in any level-based game, because then the game feels trivial and unchallenging. But Pokémon Sword’s level curve makes no fucking sense. Sometimes I’d be training 10 Pokémon and still be over-levelled, then I’d go back to a normal team of 6 and find myself nearly getting steamrolled by Pokémon 5 levels higher than me. Towards the end of the game I found myself wondering whether I was the “right level” or not. I’d have to choose my team, save, go up against a gym leader and then reset to use XP candies on my pokemon after deliberately under-levelling them.

And then suddenly Leon’s lowest level is 62 after the previous trainer’s highest was 57. There wasn’t that much inbetween, game devs.

And I’ve just ranted about the pacing guys. I haven’t even begun with the plot.

To be perfectly honest? The whole “plot” with Rose? The game would be 100 times better if they just cut out Rose and Marco Cosmos. If Team Yell is a poor man’s Skull, then Marco Cosmos is a poorer man’s Aether Foundation.

So many times we get hints and implication that there is something going on behind the scenes, but every time we get to do nothing. We just get to hear about how great-and-mighty Leon will handle everything, so why don’t you just worry about your gym challenge?

The game spends so long focusing on the gym challenge, that I think the game would be better if it focused exclusively on that. At least then perhaps we’d have one full story instead of two half-assed stories.

Or hell, maybe if the Marco Cosmos story was exclusively post-game, that would be preferable. But as it stands, it’s just two or three vague cutscenes that something’s going on and then suddenly chucking a load of plot at the last fucking minute.

I have no interest in Rose’s energy crisis woes. I have no investment in his discussions about the future and the energy crisis we may face. None of that is interesting to me because I have had no time to get invested. The closest to investment I can possibly get is learning what is happening.

Hell, for all my love for Gen 6 and how it re-invigorated my love for Pokémon, I consider Team Flare one of the weaker villains in terms of story... and yet I was 100% more interested in them then in whatever Rose is doing and his reasons for doing it.

In conclusion, Pokémon Sword has -at its best- felt like a rushed, hashed hobjob of a game. It feels like the devs were short in staff and pressed for time, and forced to cut a lot of content in a desperate bid to make it in time for the Pokémon Company’s grand franchise plan and/or the Christmas market. They’re trying to rely heavily on the market opened by the Pokémon Go community (anyone noticed how Dynamax Dens have a feel similar to raid battles in Pokémon Go?) rather than delivering a game they can be proud in.

Inevitably, Pokemon Sharp Sword and Sturdy Shield will arrive on the markets -because these days we don’t get an Crystal/Emerald/Platinum- and I am legitimately considering skipping them over. 

The “core games” are the backbone of the franchise. I doubt they will cause the franchise to die, but it would certainly be crippled if sales drop, but I don’t think I can continue with them anymore. My trust in the Pokémon Company is the lowest it’s ever been. I doubt the company’s choice in direction, I doubt the decisions they’ve made in business, industrial and commercial affairs. I do not believe they can provide me with the quality I’ve come to expect of them anymore and I don’t believe I can continue supporting them.

Honestly, this lack of faith in the franchise, it’s putting me in a strange place. I love this Pokémon RP blog I’ve built up, I love the muses I’ve created, the adventures I’ve written and the friends I’ve made through this blog and I’ve never really wanted them to end. But for the first time since nearly the start of the decade, when I first decided to try out this blog under the name pokemontrainerzefri, I’ve begun to wonder if it won’t be my depression and insecurities that kill it, but a loss of interest...

[guardiandae]

OKAY it’s time for that write up about my trip to Boston

aka Why I’m Glad I’m Still Alive and also Dae Makes Bad Life Choices And Needs To Be Grounded :c 

(long, long post)

okay so, my friend H takes a trip down to Boston every year to visit her friend D who goes to college there. She invited me to go a few days beforehand, and as luck would have it I managed to arrange to have Friday & Saturday off work, and Sunday closing shift, so I could make it down there and back.

Of course, I had a runny nose and stuff beforehand... and then the night before (Thursday night, I think) I had a really hard time at work bc I felt feverish... I got home and my temp went up from 99.6 (which is already 100% a fever for me, my temp runs low) to 101.3 during the night. I kept waking up every three hours, and I had to get a bag of ice to press against my head. I went to bed early but slept in longer than I expected so I got like 13 hours of sleep and felt a lot better in the morning, aside from a sore throat. Actually, my throat does this fun thing where from time to time, it will close up on me and I can’t breathe. It can happen even from drinking water. So I took cough syrup and my throat closed up. Yikes. No more cough syrup for me, just cold & flu tablets! I can’t remember the other incident, maybe I drank something harsh, but I remember it did that twice, two times in two days. So, yeah. Gotta be careful what I drink with this sore throat.

Friend wants me to spend Friday night at her house so we can leave at 3am Saturday. So I go to H’s house, with her boyfriend T. My throat is like, raw as fuck. We hang out, they pack, and we all take a nap before we leave. I get like another 3 hours of sleep, then we all get up and hit the road.

We pick up T’s friend, S.  My friend H keeps trying to hook me up with S despite the fact that I am 1. gay 2. asexual 3. not interested in douchebags. And she’s been teasing me about the fact that, S and I will have to share a bed at the hotel. My god. Mind you, the plan she has in Boston is to take me to a strip club and I’m like, sdgkdfkgjd. No? Maybe. No.

We stop at a gas station and I get myself a big powerade for my RAW AS FUCK throat. Swallowing is seriously painful at this point. My friend swaps seats to sit beside me in the back, so now T and S are in the front. THEY FUCKING START CHAINSMOKING ALL THE WAY DOWN. So they have their windows cracked, freezing cold air pouring in, secondhand smoke making my eyes water and lungs burn, all the way down. Maybe at most they would stop for two minutes and then, boom, another FUCKING cigarette. On top of that, they listened to really gross rap music on the way down, like violent, sexually-explicit, drug-endorsing songs that were just honestly annoying lyrics aside, total crap, lol.

My friend and I show each other memes (she pronounces it me-me and I think it’s too funny to correct her) all the way down. We arrive at her friend D’s campus at about 6am. He has keys to all the buildings and has to make rounds, so we’re going to walk with him all across his campus.

D is a really interesting dude. My friend H told me, “he’s a bible-thumper” beforehand and I was like, eh. great. But he’s this 40-ish year old guy going to a religious college studying to be a minister. He’s super friendly and considerate as soon as we meet him. It’s 6am in January, fairly warm considering the time of year, but I’m still in just my hoodie and SICK, so while I was kind of excited for the experience, my body is so not. We’re going from building to building, up flights of stairs and back down again, and I am wheezing. My voice is pretty rough at this point too.

But let’s talk about the school, and the setting, because... I love it.

In Maine (my state) the trees here are mostly pines, maples, oaks, etc.

But in Boston, I’m not sure what kind of trees they might be, but my gosh. It’s a grey, chilly day (my favorite weather 100% honestly, too bad I was sick) and the trees are bare. Their branches are all twisted in different directions, like the fingers on an old man. Ever seen those kind of forests from creepy horror movies? They are just like that and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Most of the buildings on campus are very old, so some of them still have old fashioned latches, like the thumb-latches in my grandfather’s house.

The other thing I really loved about the campus, is that the students attending are actually very liberal and diverse, despite the religious focus. As D put it later, the other three people in our group, H, T, and S, doubled the population of straight (and cis) students by being on campus. Haha.

Anyway, I survive running around campus, and then we head down to catch the Green Line subway into town. At this point, I really wish I had realized we were going to be gone from the car for several hours, because I would've at least grabbed my hat. :c

This is the first time I've ever been on anything like a subway and I'm so glad that we had D with us to be our guide, because it was so confusing. The car was packed with people because of the Women's March going on. I don't know how this compares to other subways, but this went pretty fast and had a lot of hills and turns, and with every change in momentum I'm hanging onto the rail for dear fucking life trying not to fall over. My friend H has a lot of anxiety, especially around crowds of people, and riding this subway itself, so she is SHAKING and trying really hard to just hold on and get through the ride, and so am I. We get off a big station and decide to go up and walk the rest of the way instead of waiting for the next car, because my friend and I are curious to see the march going on.

We ended up walking around a lottt down all of these different side streets. H, T and S wanted to find a big tall building to go all the way to the top floor and take pictures, so we kept trying to enter different buildings at random, and most of them were locked and one we were politely told to leave, lol.

The whole walking around event was kind of more random than planned... we ended up at Bruins arena which I think was my friend's only actual goal, so she could buy her brother a gift. We saw tons of protesters everywhere and I got one of the pink hats from a nice lady who brought extras. But after that, our wandering was pretty aimless. We headed towards Boston market (still trying to find tall buildings) and accidentally stumbled onto the Holocaust memorial.

H and I were like 'oh... damn' and of course, I had to go in. The memorial consists of four towers made of panes of glass, with steam inside rising up. When I walked into the first one, the panes of glass had quotes from survivors of the Holocaust written on both sides in side, and on every single pane of glass, going up to the sky, there were the serial numbers the nazis tattooed onto people. I took a few pictures, but once I entered that first tower I put my phone away because it just didn't feel right. We walked through and read each quote... I was trying not to cry because the two guys with us (D excluded) were pretty douchey and I wasn't sure they even would, y'know, care. But when I read one of the quotes about the homosexuals being put into the death camps, I definitely cried and I was like, yeah. This is why we fight. This is why we can't stop fighting.

When we left, H was pretty shaken too (the quotes about children were the ones that got to her the most, I think) and D suggested that we head to the farmer's market to try to lighten up the mood. While we were walking there, S decides to ask a question, in a suspiciously condescending tone of voice, "I wonder what the founding fathers would think about all of this."

The rest of us were like, ???  "Think about what?"

S: "You know, the protests that are going on right now."

Guys, my voice was half gone but you know I clapped back.

"They'd probably think that they're exercising their CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS??? What do you think the founding fathers did against the British???"

Then he said something about how, people keep pushing and pushing for more rights, and he thinks that's a bad thing because it just ends up dividing people into more and more different groups and takes away rights from others. At this point I was like, HOLY SHIT, this fucking white boy is one of those people who thinks that EQUAL RIGHTS means his rights are somehow being TAKEN AWAY from HIM. Like, you DO realize that my great-great grandmother and your great-great grandmother didn't have the fucking right to vote??? and in MY lifetime, I had to go fucking vote on my  right to get MARRIED??? It didn't take away SHIT from poor helpless straight white men, it just GAVE more people the SAME FUCKING RIGHTS. HOLY FUCK.

So anyway we headed on to the market area, checked out the Newbury Comics store and I was exciiited bc I found a cute pair of knee-high socks to buy (my new aesthetic). But while in pursuit of my knee-highs, I wandered too close to the Dick's bar, and at this point everyone was ready to drink/eat and had been searching for a bar for a while. There were sooo many to choose from, including really nice looking Irish bars, and historic old bars, which I actually wanted to check out. But which bar did we go to? The fucking cock-themed bar.

They ordered drinks. I just sat by them kind of uncomfortably bc everything is not only "I love dicks" but the mascot is a sleezy overweight balding man and the waitress makes fart jokes. Like. For real. But I'm watching the tv, making small talk with D (who is awesome) and H, while S and T get drinks and fries. Some guy brings his CHILD into this establishment, and is apparently very familiar with their theme bc he plays right along with the waitress's fart jokes like he sees her every Saturday or something. What the hell. Then the party at the opposite end starts putting on these huge condom hats made out of white paper. I can hear a child crying on the other side, maybe the same kid. Why the fuck. And then the waitress starts kind of badgering ME now, like, "Why are you just sitting there without a drink?" I tell her, in my really hoarse voice, "If I have any alcohol I'm pretty sure I will stop breathing" and she's just like "Well it's not like you can't have a water or a juice"  (me: where the fuck is there water or juice advertised ANYWHERE on this shitty menu??? also the food was ridiculously overpriced otherwise I would've been happy to order >_< )  and then I look over and realize that, S has already had two beers, but he JUST ordered a fucking THIRD. Now I'm angry and I tell my friend I don't wanna sit in this (shitty) bar all day, so I'm going to head to the comic store again.

Comic store is right across the street.... but... I'm legitimately pissed off right now, so as soon as I step outside I'm like, actually, lol, fuck off, bye, I'm gone.

And I just keep walking, back the way we came in. I sit down at a bench for a while, half thinking that D or H had followed me, but nobody had. So I'm like, cool, and contemplating actually buying a train ticket home if I had to. But I'm sick as fuck and my legs are killing me and my lungs are wheezing and it's cold and I know that no train goes all the fucking way home, so I'm like, :)))

I decided to go and see something that *I* wanted to see so I looked at my phone and saw the Samuel Adams statue was nearby. They texted me "where are you" and I told them Sam Adams (of course, knowing them they probably looked for a damn bar). But I got lost getting to the statue, lmao, bc it was RIGHT BESIDE ME and I was expecting something larger and headed towards a crowd of people instead. By the time I circled back, I hung up on like three phone calls and ignored several texts, just texted back again "sam adams" when they asked where I was. Took a picture of the statue, then sat down again and waited. Still more texts and calls to not respond to. Finally I was really annoyed but got up to go back to the bar and was thinking, if they aren't here, I'm fucking off again, lol. But they were there and ... my friend H was in tears.

Uh oh. Nice going, Dae.

I put my frustration aside and just fell back into step... she didn't talk to me for a little while. I felt like such an asshole. It was only later I saw some texts that hadn't come through then... half of them already had their phones dead, the others were almost dead, and they'd texted me that they were going to head to the car without me and pick me up in a couple hours. Of courese, my phone was low battery too. I almost fucking stranded myself in Boston, extremely sick, with no cellphone, please ground me.

We went back to the subway (there was another station right near to us, thankfully, so no long walk), and rode all the way back to our original station. Then we had to trek back UP the hill we came down from the campus... I was wheezing hard.

Everyone crashed in D's room for a while. I collapsed on the couch and they all went into the bathroom to smoke pot. I considered leaving to the car to get my phone charger but was like, if I do they'll probably think I bailed again. and then I could literally hear them talking about me, and S saying, "I bet when we come out, she'll be gone again" and I just... felt so angry at him but also like such an asshole bc I'm sick and having a miserable time when I WANT to have fun but instead I'm being a bitch and I can't help it. And they want to drink and get high and I don't like either of those things even when I'm NOT sick as a dog and barely able to breathe, so fuck no I'm not doing that, thanks.

I think after that we finally went to our hotel bc it was check in time (3pm). My friend had reserved the room but they wouldn't let her pay because her card didn't have her name on it, and the others only had cash, so I stepped up to put the room on my card. It made me feel better about being there at all, because they literally wouldn't have had a place to stay (this was a fairly long drive away from Boston).

We went out to eat and this is where S shows once again how much of an asshole he is...

I'm not sure WHERE this came from, but out of the blue while we're sitting in this restaurant, S says something like, "If a drunk girl tells me to fuck her and then she passes out, I can tap that without getting in trouble."

Yeah... I'm positive I didn't remember that right but the statement he made didn't make ANY sense.

All four of us (D, H, T, and myself) were like, ???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That is RAPE.

D and I start trying to explain, for one, UNCONSCIOUS = no, and two, in this hypothetical she gave her "consent" while drunk, and you cannot legally consent while drunk!

"But what if we're both drunk"

We're trying to explain that technically neither could consent, it's a risky situation, and then he goes,

"So what if my ex texts me and says 'come tie me up and have your way with me'."

D is like, "I can't even begin with how many variables there are in that situation."

Me: "It depends. Is she sober? Is it actually HER texting? Is she going to say no when you get there?"

S: "She'd have to prove that it wasn't her texting..."

We kept talking about this and trying to explain like, the limits of consent and finally T is like, "Why are we talking about this?"

D and I: "Because it came up and it's worth talking about! There are a lot of people who don't understand."

But anyway, we pretty quickly dropped the topic, but I cannot get over the fact that S randomly said that he'd fuck an unconscious woman. And I am expected to share a bed with him at the hotel.

I was super super pissed with S at this point like, this actual FUCKBOY, first he thinks that equal rights means his rights get taken away, now he's stated that he'd rape somebody?? like?? get the fuck away from me, permanently.

We had to drive D back to his room and it's dark outside now.

I haven't yet mentioned, but as beautiful as Boston is to walk around, the roads are crazy and driving is a fucking nightmare. There are some normal streets but almost everything connects directly onto a highway (at least where we were... and I'm not sure if highway is the right word bc fuck if I know anything about driving but they are SCARY multi-lane roads). The highways are like 4, 3, or 5 fucking lanes of people driving like there's no speed limit, cars constantly switching lanes and assholes flying past us.

All of that is scary enough, but worse is that:

- T is the one driving, because H is too scared to drive in Boston traffic. - T does not have a license. - The car's left blinker doesn't fucking work, so switching lanes to the left is a deathwish. - Did I mention the drinking and getting high? Yeah. - Also, the chainsmoking resumes and I am in fucking misery.

We manage to drop D off, and they had mentioned the fact that they HAVE the lightbulb for the back blinker, but didn't take the time to install is before leaving. D had mentioned that he could probably do it. So I'm like, hey, how about we do that?  D takes a look and realizes that it'd take some time to take apart, but he'd be able to do it with some assistance. T is like, nah it'd take some work, and I'm disheartened (bc I want this car to be as legal as fucking possible bc if we get pulled over I'm 100% sure that I'm fucked on getting home, best case scenario. Worst case scenario, I might charged with something just for being with these guys. Idk if that's even rational but honestly.) but they agree to just deal with it later.

We get back to the hotel and H and I decide to go swimming in the pool. It's honestly one of the highlights of the trip for me bc I rarely get to go swimming, so we enjoyed ourselves for a while, talking about how T and S were kind of annoying both of us. The guys were getting alcohol and stuff while we swam, and they drank some and then joined us. It was kind of funny bc H had worn her bikini bottom but also swim trunks over them, and S didn't have anything to wear to swim in, so she gave him her trunks. They fit him so tightly lmaoo. The guys were splashing around, goofing off, and at this point I'm less angry and more just like, letting it all go, I know I don't like S whatsoever, he's fucking dumb, but I don't want to be hostile and I'm trying as much as possible to not be a huge bitch and a wet blanket, so it's whatever. We joked around a lot, and had fun, and finally got out of the pool when it was closing. But it was really awkward bc they had to go to change and T had gone into the women's room with H so I had to stand outside and wait to change my clothes... and I could hear H yelling at him about... peeing wildly everywhere? Oh my god. I don't even wanna know. It was one of those moments where I was like, there is nudity beyond both of these doors and I am probably forever going to be not comfortable with that. It's kind of a bizarre and shitty realization that everyone else is on a different plane of existence. Like, I'm the weird one because I don't wanna see dicks flopping around. Huh.

Rinsed off, changed clothes, went back upstairs, blow dried my hair and flopped onto the bed. At this point, I'm physically worn down but.... not.... tired. So I'm not sure if I'm going to fall asleep. But they want to run around, and ask about the strip club plans, and my friend is like, "Dae said she didn't want to go" (which is true, I told her no because I'm very sick and felt uncomfortable about the whole idea anyway) but the guys are like, "You're killing us, we're not going?" and she's like, "Are we?" and I'm so sick and tired at this point that I'm like, "Actually yeah let's go" and get up and get dressed again, ready to impress, ready to jump in and see some ladies and titties and see how uncomfortable I feel about it all.

We get into the car, and all of us have been trying to see what the nearest strip club is... there really isn't one. What the nearest bar is... eh. We're trying to find something really close by, because the guys have been drinking and T has no LICENSE and the car blinker is broken so instead I'm like, "Where's the nearest Walmart?"  over 100 miles away jfc. "Where's the nearest target?" Less than a mile away. Awesome! My mood is UP bc we're going to Target, now this is my idea of a good time.

Yeah, no. My phone is a piece of SHIT and they refuse to even look at it, but their phone won't update fast enough while we're driving and we CAN'T FUCKING MERGE LEFT because we'll be killed in this traffic, so we have to go to the right. We see other stores and want to go to them, but the problem is, when we turned right we already missed that opportunity. And this road merges directly into a fucking interstate. And we cannot turn off of it. And now we are going 80 mph in the wrong direction and have to take the next off ramp.

For the next fucking 30 minutes at least, we are desperately trying to get our fucking phones to tell us where we are and where we need to go. Everything loops in circles, because of the highways and off ramps. We keep missing fucking turns and ending up in even more of a tangled mess. Our phones did not charge up much at the hotel and are on the verge of dying once again and we cannot fucking turn LEFT. T and S are getting frustrated, I'm convinced I'm going to fucking die, and H is having an anxiety attack, texting me like, "This is my car and if we crash everyone is going to get hurt and it's my fault" and I'm like... can we please fucking stop somewhere and just fix the fucking light.

By the time we finally make it back to where we belong, we just go straight to the hotel. So fucking much for strip clubs, or bars, or even Target. Fuck that noise. We aren't driving anywhere after all, we all agree on that and we're all really frustrated and stressed.

I ask again like, even if it takes a while we should really fix the light bc driving down to Mass we had the same problem, and we're going to keep having that problem until we fix it, but the guys are like, we'd have to take apart the whole back end, if it were a quick fix we'd have done it already. In the daylight it'll be okay, it's really just at night that's the worst because all they see is our tail lights, and a lack of left blinker means someone might get killed. So I'm like, alright and let it go.

We get snacks from the vending machines, and crash in the hotel room again. Despite all the hyped talk from the guys about drinking and drugs (seriously, S was like, "Let's go  get some ecstacy or heroin" before we left on that horrific ride, and H was like "UHHHH NO, NOT HAPPENING."  He also talked about forcing girls to choke on his dick, so if anyone was wondering if he learned anything from the Consent Discussion, the answer is, probably no. And people wonder why I have sex anxiety jfc.)

Thankfully, I crashed on one bed, and H, T, and S all crashed on the other bed... probably bc they didn't want to catch my germs tbh. I heard S saying "bacterial pneumonia" to his phone.

Sleep was... hellish. I woke up at 4am, SHAKING uncontrollably and had to turn up the heat for a while. I think I was running a fever so it didn't help me at all.. after that I had to press a cold drink against my forehead and didn't fall asleep again until 6am, and we all get up around 8:50am.

Btw, the hotel was pretty shitty... a bunch of ants were under my shoes at the indoor pool when I picked my shoes up... they were coming up from the vents because I guess I stepped in something sugary. H freaked out a bit. Then in our 3rd floor room, there was another of those ants on my pillow. Nice. The breakfast service was shitty. The only edible thing for me was the apple juice, the rest of it was awful cheap stuff. We went to burger king instead, which H had wanted for breakfast anyway. My voice was nearly gone at this point and I had to type my order onto my phone and let the cashier read it. The burger king was also super shitty lmao it was under construction but the bathrooms were just, awful and unkept. We realized we had to head straight home now in order to get back in time for everything H and I had to do, so we got straight onto the highway.

Once again... terrifying traffic, and the difficulty of merging to the left. Every time T had to merge, I had to close my eyes and post facebook statuses like "pray for me because I am going to die." At this point, T and S are like, "We should've just fixed the light before we left" and I am like, internally fucking screaming BECAUSE I SAID THAT ALREADY OH MY GOD. Also, CUE THE CHAINSMOKING AGAIN.

I got dropped off directly at my work a couple hours before my shift, and then worked my closing shift.

Remember, at this point I've had very little sleep and fevers every night since Friday... my voice is just a whisper, I spent hours walking around Boston, hours awake at night, I should be exhausted but I am wide the fuck awake. By the time I finally got home, I still didn't even fall asleep until almost 2am.

So yeah.... I'm not even sure how to summarize my trip to Boston and how it made me feel. Everything was really random and accidental. It took a long time for it to occur to me, holy shit I am in BOSTON, historic Boston, and should be taking pictures and seeing the Freedom Trail and actually interesting stuff like that, but it didn't seem to occur to any of us until the day we had to go back and H wwas like, "I wish I'd taken more pictures."  I wish I had too, especially of the march, but since I ws sick before I even left, I actually wasn't even aware that the marches were going on, I was completely out of the loop. It's something I was super excited about and would've never been able to go to normally, but somehow I accidentally happened to end up there at the right time.

In all it was, frustrating, miserable, beautiful, surprisingly nice and diverse, historic, terrifying, stupid, and extremely lucky. Lucky that we managed to arrange the trip on short notice, lucky that we didn't die on the way down, lucky that I happened to be there for a huge protest event that I was able to partake in at least a tiny bit, lucky that I didn't have to go to the strip club after all, lucky that we didn't get arrested, lucky that we made it back safely, lucky that I didn't chop S's dick off and shove it down his throat. I think I might've used up all of the luck for the next ten years, and I'm a bit frightened.

For those keeping score at home, 

Reasons Why Dae Needs to be Grounded:

- going on a trip with sketchy drug dealing wannabe-gangsters who are racist, transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic dumbasses - going on this trip while extremely sick - ditching my friend and the group while extremely sick, in a strange city, with all of our cell phones dying, and ignoring their calls - swimming in the pool while extremely sick (I broke the pool rules whoops) - getting BACK into the defective car with a driver who had been drinking and has no license, at night - going to work directly after this trip, while extremely sick - still trying to talk while my voice is 99% gone - not cleaning my room (it’s so messy help) - staying up late at night to type this instead of sleeping

and now my throat feels much better but I’ve 100% lost my voice and can only communicate through strained whispers and interpretive dance.

but I have tomorrow off and I plan to finally.... rest. 

assuming that I can even fall asleep.